#loving someone so much but not being able to fix/support a ‘real’ or healthy relationship bc of your circumstances.

[dufferpuffer]

What do you think lupin needs in a romantic partner to have a functioning/healthy relationship (as healthy as this man can manage atleast)? What qualities would this person have to have to be able to deal with all the more challenging aspects of being in a relationship with him? But also what does he want in a partner? And what would he absolutely not want?

Me. I am perfect. Remus Lupin hmu

Remus Romantic Partner pt1: Remus is needy Link to pt2: Remus is good Link to pt3: Shipping, I guess (aint done)

In short: Remus Lupin needs an ANCHOR POINT to harbor his ship. 1. Someone interesting he can pour his attention into. 2. Generally up-beat/optimistic, so he has warmth to lean on. 3. Bold enough to be themselves - even if they're different. 4. Kind and accepting of other people 5. A little 'cute'. 'Quirky'. Small 'issues' support. (just a bonus, really) 6. Independent. Can live without him just fine but still want him. 7. Emotionally strong. Immense maturity and stability. 8. Doesn't have much temper, doesn't start drama or fights. Of course he doesn't need ALL of these boxes ticked - but the highlighted ones are the closest to a MUST for the relationship to even have a chance at being healthy. In long: Explanations (and example characters who I think fit) are below. B^)

Remus is an introverted man. He isn't shy (he can take charge of a room, he can speak publicly, he is good at getting people to like him) but when he isn't the focus he is a wall-flower. He doesn't talk much unless he has something to say. He is deeply, irreparably self-conscious. He has trauma of unintentionally hurting those he loves, so he keeps his distance.

((His parents became sick with the stress of having to move house every few months, find new work every few months, keeping their bank account drained... socially isolated with a son they had to lock away every Full Moon - lest he killed them. They loved him but that was a difficult thing for Remus to grow up witnessing, knowing he was the cause. Knowing him leaving for Hogwarts was the best thing to happen for their health since he was bitten... Of course he pushes people away. He can't help being sick - but he can help them not suffer... if he stays away.))

He is always thinking inwardly. He is always anxious. He wonders how he can make himself smaller, friendlier, less scary… Trying to plan how he wants others to relate to him. He tries to control how others think of him, to steer them away from the bad things... He is a wolf in wizards clothing. If he treats everyone as dolls to manipulate, and if they never know the real him... it will hurt everyone less when he leaves.

1. He needs someone who can bust him out of that toxic mindset. Someone that grabs his attention and pulls it away from himself. Someone interesting, skilled, passionate - living a life he can't achieve. Someone with knowledge or stories he can listen to at length and live a little through them... or they can even include him. More of a talker so he can be a listener, so he can focus on someone else's world - but they're also eager to hear whatever he has to say without prying. They aren't arrogant or loud: they can listen, too. Remus needs good, witty conversation over a cup of tea.

2. They need to be generally up-beat, but not in a way that'll crush his down-beat. They invite him to join in if he wants - or else lean on them like they're a heater for his troubled soul while he feels down. Sometimes he will feel bad, or flat, or tired - and they can't fix it.

I don't think he has any visual preferences. What he notices first about people are their mannerisms. He is always shaping himself to fit the room, so I think he admires people who act authentically: Boldness. Bravery. Honesty. Earnestness. Brashness. So... 3. He would be more attracted to people of subcultures and/or strong interests - or are simply out-of-the-expected-norm. I think he would be fascinated about these little nooks of belonging - alternate 'normal's' when the Wizarding world can be so rigid. (Do I think he has a preference for LGBTQIA+? Yeah. General androgyny too.)

4. Kind. Accepting. They need to be kind to others in general. Because he can't always be kind to others. He puts himself first and sometimes that hurts because he WANTS to be more kind. A partner who can pick up the slack? Who he can trust to always be kind and accepting of him - because they are such a way with everyone...? That's just a requirement, really.

5. A small thing I think he likes in particular: A cute factor. A little clumsy, A little slow, Enthusiastic, Awkward, Weak, A bit short/tall... something that isn't an issue but will pop up every now and then, distract him and make him go '...cute. That was cute.' Something he can effortlessly support. Something he can be thoughtful about, thinking of their needs rather than his own. - They struggle to read quickly? He can read out loud for them. - They tend to act impulsively? He can hold them back just enough to let them to give it a second thought. - They struggle in social situations? So he can talk on their behalf. - They keep fumbling and tripping over? He can keep them steady. It's nice to feel useful and kind in a simple, effortless way. Something so obvious to proves he isn't bad at heart - even when he feels awful.

6. They need to be Independent. What he CAN'T have is someone who NEEDS him. Oh god, the pressure… He cant be trapped. He requires a high level of independence... because he WILL FAIL. He WILL leave and break their heart over nothing. He WILL make promises he doesn't intend to keep - because he intends to run away and never look back. If they NEED him, just to stay afloat…? It will break him. He can't be the bread-winner, even if he could have a stable job. He can't be a long-term emotional support, only short-term. He needs to know that WHEN he breaks down and fucks off not 'if' - even if it's FOREVER… that they will be okay without him. 'Not being ok without him' won't make him stay. He will not 'shape up under a bit of pressure'. It will only injure him.

7. He needs someone strong enough to be forgiving. Not a self-harming, forcing yourself to forgive-and-forget either. That is a very real danger with Remus: If he got with someone who was as much a people-pleasing self-depreciator as him…? He will tear them to shreds. He is a toxic man and he requires tough gloves to handle:- Genuinely emotionally strong. Someone he can lean on, far more than they lean on him. - Wise enough to see through his bullshit manipulations and lies - with enough tact to navigate them, understanding he struggles without judgement but holding him gently accountable. - Empathetic enough to understand him even when he can't explain himself properly. - Mature enough to hold him accountable. Can help him understand how he can do better. He is filled with shame - sometimes for very good reasons that need addressing.

He will go through periods of being unable to be contacted, periods of self-endangerment… He needs somewhere, someone, he can crawl back to in shame. Who WILL talk with him seriously about things… but is willing to just let him sleep quietly for the night in their arms, for now. (Am I saying he needs to date a therapist? Yeah, basically. Dating Remus isn't easy.)

8. Doesn't start fights. Doesn't lash out. Doesn't live off of drama. Remus fits himself into situations passively - he doesn't need someone making situations more difficult to feel comfortable in. If they get angry and yell at him - he will yell one hurtful thing back and leave. He has a very limited ability withstand tension. He tries to keep a level head and a level room - he needs a partner who will support those efforts, or at least not sabotage them.

Partners I think have good chemistry, for examples:

NYMPHADORA TONKS. It is annoying how perfectly she has been made to fit Remus' needs, as she is so underutilized. I wouldn't find her as frustrating if she got more fleshing out in ways that weren't the specific things suited to being with Remus… ugh. - She is a skilled Auror, especially for her age. - She lightens the mood of any room by being playful. - She is unapologetic in being herself, accepting people with ease. - She is a bit clumsy - but capable and hugely independent. - Her ability to roll with the punches is insane: every time Remus is hot-and-cold she has both the ability to hold him responsible for how much it hurts and the strength to still stand there for him. - She is firey and doesn't back down, but she isn't trying to start fights. She's just stubborn and confident in what she has to say. To make claims like 'Remus only likes her because she can shapeshift' or whatever is just... no, its because she is perfect for him.

LUNA LOVEGOOD. Surprising, I know. Perhaps in different circumstances they could have hit it off. - Strong interests, a subculture at the edge of Wizarding society yet she is always 'uniquely' and brazenly herself. - Optimistic and up-beat... a little dreamy, air-headed, focus could use some steering sometimes. - Helpful and kind to all, even those that have been mean to her. - Very used to being alone. Independent in body and soul. Quite comfortable being alone - but friends are nice, too. - Emotional strength is a specialty of hers. Even in the worst situations she keeps her head on her shoulders and, despite how aloof she appears, is intelligent, sharp and serious. - Can make demands when she needs to - not a pushover. Bonus: An interest in magical creatures, too. :)

Close, but I think have a large flaw (that might makes them spicy):

SEVERUS SNAPE - Potions Master. Dark Arts specialist. Veteran teacher. All the steady employment and deep, fascinating interests Remus wishes he could have - along with ALSO having been a Spy... and being misunderstood. They have more in common than they don't. - He isn't optimistic, but he is a problem solver, dedicated to making things better than they are. He faces problems head on while Remus would rather curl away. - He understands feeling quiet and low. He might not be warm, but he is a softer place to rest than you'd expect. - He has never changed himself for anyone. He is stubbornly himself, even when it makes him seem like an outcast weirdo. - He has little patience. He isn't gentle or nice. But he cares enough to be kind, even to those he hates... and he is loyal. It isn't ideal for Remus but it gives him a place to fit himself: If Severus is cold, he is warm. If Severus has the quirk of being a snarky, prickly bastard - Remus is skilled at the opposite. - Independent. Accustomed to being alone. Expects to be alone. Being with someone who understands him... a little daunting, really. The main place I think Severus fails here is emotional strength. He is quick to anger and lashes out. He holds grudges. He starts shit and Remus can't handle shit. Severus needs someone who can temper those anger flares, or at least weather them - and Remus can do neither. But perhaps that is the place they can meet in the middle...?

LILY EVANS - Everyone liked her. Talented, bright and strong-willed, She was a popular girl. I think Remus liked her too, but... James and Severus. - She seems a bit cheeky, quick witted - she brightens a room when she walks in. - She was best friends with Severus for years. Maybe she had other friends in her dorm - but if they were as close to her as Severus was, they would have been HIS friends, too. She was willing to be with the outcast, even when popular. - I know it's a movie quote, but I think it still fits from Remus' POV when he says Lily was an 'uncommonly kind woman' and 'had a way of seeing the beauty in others when that person cannot see it themselves.' I think she accepted him fast and firmly. - She didn't need anyone else. She stood up to James by herself. She knew what she was worth. - She seems to prefer ending fights rather than starting them. She hates a bully. Lily doesn't have the 'grit' (for lack of a better word) to take toxicity. She hated James' bullying. She dropped Severus. She has patience and an 'I can help fix him' desire - but they need to put in the effort, too. James cleaned up his act somewhat and she liked that. Remus isn't going to fully succeed at 'fixing' himself. Not just by 'putting some effort in'. It is going to take so long, and be so slow... Severus would be far easier to 'I can help fix him' - and she couldn't handle him. !!!This isn't saying Lily is weak or something. It is incredibly HEALTHY to not being able to put up with toxic shit, to have the strength to say 'enough is enough'. That is a GOOD thing.!!!

A popular partner I DON'T think works out so easily:

SIRIUS BLACK Sirius Black is a dog. He needs people. He needs constant companionship - especially after Azkaban. He is a mess who needs support, company, loyalty... and Remus can't provide any of that with regularity! Waking up in an empty bed, in a cold room, after Remus timidly promised to 'always be there' for him but was lying... it would shatter Sirius. He doesn't have the strength or stability to lose anyone else. Sirius is honest and sticks to his guns even when times get tough. He would rather DIE than turn his back on a loved one. Remus lies unprovoked and runs away with his tail between his legs at the slightest sign of trouble. Sirius, as a traumatized man, is not going to be able to understand why Remus can just throw away everything he has to run off. How he could just leave him alone again...? Doesn't he love him?! At his worst: he is more likely to try and emotionally trap Remus with him, force him to stay - and that just isn't going to work. Remus is a Wolf. He can't be locked in. I don't even think Sirius at his best, pre-Azkaban, would fit well: - He is upbeat, but in a way that tries to break others out of their funks. It's abrasive for him to hang out with someone sad. ((I'm sure he could learn to do it but his instinct is to help.)) - He is kind - but he has a limit. When that limit is passed, his care is snapped. He holds grudges and he makes judgements. - He is not and has never been independent. He is strong-willed and confident about himself, yes - but he thrives when he is at another's side. He has always been like this Azkaban just made it worse. - He doesn't have what it takes to weather Remus' bullshit. That's not a bad thing either, he know how to cut toxic people from his life when they are too heavy - but post-Azkaban he is even more scared of losing people, which makes him vulnerable. - He starts shit. He jumps into arguments, he escalates, he enjoys the thrill and the drama of it. Remus wouldn't join in, even if he agrees with Sirius, and thus would leave him unsupported. We see this very thing happen in OotP

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Harvey by Alex g and Sarah by alex are jam coded

they areeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee they are they are they are

God they're just such a mess together. Both those songs are both of them talking about each other.

Like, in Harvey the last verse just makes me think of Tim having night terrors and waking up in the middle of the night, and like Jay doing his best to look after him. Cos i do think Tim definitely has night terrors and stuff like that in sorry its locked. I haven't thought much about Tim's issues and how they'd manifest in this lil AU (other than him being kinda like, I can fix him, about Jay a bit), cos SIL is kinda mostly about Jay and Alex, like, even when its about Jam its about Jaylex if that makes sense? I don't think Jay would ever actually say "I love you" to Tim, he probably would have eventually, but in the time they actually have together he only thinks it, he doesn't actually say it. Neither of them do. Tim's waiting for Jay to say it first, and that never happens.

He wakes up in the middle of the night I run in and turn on the light Run my hands through his short black hair I love you Harvey, I don't care

Anyway but like, then the second verse is definitely like Tim talking about Jay. He's constantly chasing after Jay, even when they're already dating and together and all that, Tim has to chase after Jay because Jay is still hung up on Alex, everything is about Alex to Jay, even when he knows it shouldn't be and he should let at least some things be about Tim. But even Tim being nice to him is about Alex in a way, because its about how different Tim is to Alex. Even once they're in a relationship, Jay's not gonna magically be fixed and stop being at least a little scared of intimacy and being vulnerable in a normal way. Vulnerability through kink? Sure, Jay can do that, because he still feels in control of that. If that gets too much he can safeword out. But vulnerability in general? That's more difficult, that leaves him feeling out of control and like he doesn't have a way out.

I'll chase Harvey through the door in the wall He says, "Never catch me, never miss me at all" Drool comes down from the corner of his mouth I say, "I love you Harvey, you cut it out"

Sarah

Then in Sarah the bit about not being able to be that someone needs is so them both about each other. Neither of them can be what the other needs. Tim because what Jay needs is to work on himself and fix himself before he can be healthily in a relationship with anyone, he can't be Jay's therapist, and that's what Jay actually needs. Jay kind of knows that, but to him he thinks he needs someone to love him better, to fix him for him by loving him enough, and that's just not how healing works. you have to do the work yourself with support from others. they can't do it for you.

For Jay he thinks Tim needs someone better than him, Jay's "I can't be what you need" is more about his own self loathing than about the reality of the situation. Though, he's not completely wrong, Tim does need him to fix himself before he can be what Tim "needs" in their relationship. Because as Jay is currently, they can't be in a healthy relationship, not long term at least. Over time it'd all spiral out of control and they'd end up resenting each other, unless Jay actually agreed to get help, and worked to make that help, yknow, help.

I can't be what you need I am stuck in a dream I am stuck in a dream Don't you know she's been here all along in a dream? She belongs in a dream

The first two lines make me think of Tim thinking about how Jay deals with difficult situations. He runs away. The second Jay thinks something's going wrong, he runs away, whether physically or emotionally. Like, in chapter 3 when Jay just assumed Tim was going to abandon him like Alex had after showing real interest in him for the first time. Jay ran away. Only to the car park, but he was planning on running all the way away once he got his keys and shit from the room he and Tim were sharing. Jay's definitely not gonna stop running away, he might literally run away less, but he'll still distance himself emotionally when he doesn't need to. Or at least that's how i'm planning on writing him. god knows if i'll go through with it, but i plan to.

Sarah runs to feel the burning in her lungs And clear her head

There's a couple other lines that are like Tim talking about Jay. The line about "she loves me like a dog" is so Jay. he does love Tim like a dog, he follows him around like a lost puppy and he's obsessed with him like a dog is with their One Person. And he doesn't say anything about it, whereas Tim is pretty happy to tell Jay what he's thinking and feeling. Maybe he doesn't tell Jay everything, but he tells Jay a lot more than Jay tells him. Jay does that thing where he makes it sound like he's telling you a lot more than he is by repeating the same information in different words over and over again.

She loves me like a dog And when we mess around, I'll let her know the truth I found

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Heya! It's me again! I finally convinced my mom to buy me the first mdzs book and I'm not too far in the story but I can say this: Holy shit Jiang Cheng is a nasty bastard. I've been reading your meta posts for a while now and now just reading the book itself it dawned on me just how much the fandom glorifies and baby fits JC when he's just- awful. And Wei Wuxian is certainly my favorite character so far, I've been honestly having a blast with him and I truly don't understand how people can hate him. Anyways, love your blog and I'm probably going to scream at Jiang Cheng more often than I thought - 🐉🦋

Ahhh I am very happy to hear from you again!

Younger Jiang Cheng is rather fascinating because he has these small glimmers of "maybe he could be better" until he shoots those hopes down himself just by being what he is. I do understand the want of making him more or nicer than what he actually was, since it very much would have fixed so much that had gone wrong. But, then we wouldn't have had a nice contrasting mirror for our deuteragonist, Lan Wangji. Their stories are framed similarly for that reason, Lan Wangji is the support and understanding for Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng had never really been.

Interestingly, I was speaking with friends about those relationships that teeter on the line of friendship/emotional romance to a certain degree, when it isn't exactly that on either side when all is actually said. And this sort of thing isn't dwelled upon until hindsight sets in when you are or have been with someone you love romantically. These relationships and friendships that are deep in a way, were never exactly good for each other or healthy due to these expectations that just couldn't be fulfilled, either on your own side, or because of unsteady wants that were let down.

Glorification, on any level of love, is dangerous, and I think that's where Jiang Cheng's bitterness comes from. He was not able to meet expectations that his parents placed on him, so, he placed those some ones on Wei Wuxian. If he either over achieved those, or failed, it was something that Jiang Cheng could use to hold over Wei Wuxian. There was never a balance that could be satisfied one way or another for Jiang Cheng since Wei Wuxian was either overshadowing him or letting him down by not having the same moral compass. It was a breeding ground of resentment since Wei Wuxian really did try as he could to keep Jiang Cheng happy and thought they were good friends, he didn't expect the resentment that Jiang Cheng really held against him.

Wei Wuxian didn't necessarily have any other expectations aside from "He was my friend that I thought would support me". He had reasonable expectations that were not met by Jiang Cheng's own hate that broke down their friendship. It takes the effort of two to make things work, not just compliance from one while the other does nothing of virtue to hold that friendship.

In contrast to Lan Wangji, who, despite his romantic love, did not think he was indebted to reciprocation of anything for being a friend, much less romance. Friends do not take without give of equal standing, and it's why Wei Wuxian very easily opens up to Lan Wangji when he knows he does not hold further expectations from Wei Wuxian, or think he needs to meet a hidden bar of approval from him that would mean Wei Wuxian has to hold his own self back.

Real friendship and compatibility are not supposed to be forced to hold one or the other back from being really comfortable with each other.

And by all means share your thoughts if you'd like any time while you read it, dragonfly anon!

[violentviolette]

Do you have any tips on making friends as someone with aspd+npd? I’ve tried without success. If I do befriend someone, it lasts for a few months at best.

i think there's a few kind of tricks to it and a little bit of unlearning societal bullshit and a lot a bit of checking ourselves and the reality of our behavior

for me, it helped to first understand what kind of person i am in friendships, and what im looking for in others. having a real good understanding of what u want out of a friendship and how u function in one helps to be able to better know if u and someone else are going to be compatible right from the start

for example, i struggle to initiate conversations. if left on my own i will message someone maybe once or twice a week at most. not because i don't like them or dont value them, but just because my brain doesnt think a lot of thoughts on its own. but i do like to talk to others a lot, i just need someone else to initiate the conversation and give me a thought to build off of. because of this i tend to look for people who naturally talk a lot. who have a lot of thoughts and like to share them and dont mind if someone doesnt message them first. all 3 of the people who are closest to me have adhd and LOVE to infodump and pop into my messages with facts or thoughts or something they saw and so our friendships are well balanced, they like to begin conversations and i like to continue them. we both accept and value one another for our different natures and arent looking for something the other cant give

figuring out what ur ideal friendship looks like helps u realize and identify where ur priorities should be. what are u looking for in another person? what do u want to do together? ideally what does ur day to day interactions look like? what kind of support and level of investment are u looking for from them? what are u capable of and willing to give in return? for cluster b pds this also has the added benefit of helping us kind of check ourselves. is what we're looking for from someone else unhealthy or unreasonable? is the amount we're willing to give in return unreasonably low? if we want more from others, we must give more of ourselves in return, are we avoiding doing this and putting in that investment because we're allowing our disordered feelings to guide us? a big secret to making good friends is being one. good people who will treat u properly and be there for u and invest in ur friendship long term are not going to stick around if u arent giving that in return. and often because of our disorders we allow our delusional feelings and warped/unhealthy worldview to guide us. we inflate our own worth while downplaying theirs and think we're giving way more than we actually objectively are, while asking for an unreasonable amount in return. if people seem like they invest very little in us and leave us quickly, if it feels like other people are always the problem, there's a good chance its because we arent giving the amount of investment we need to or have too unreasonable of expectations to actually sustain a healthy relationship. the problem oftentimes is very much us, and we need to acknowledge that without shame and judgement in order to fix it. it doesnt make u an irredeemably bad person, but it does mean u have to fix that if u want to give urself a better chance at success

i also think a big thing that no one tells u is that like, ur going to burn through a lot of people looking for the right ones. its a process of elimination. u meet 10 people, become casual friends with 5 of them, and over the course of time, around 3-4 of them will drop off and u'll be left with 1 or 2 people who stick around longer, and that cycle repeats for as long as ur putting urself out there. and the longer time goes on, the more friends u will "lose" or have drop off, and thats a perfectly normal and natural thing. it takes time to build that core group of people who end up staying in our lives. its also very normal to end up with none sometimes and have to start from scratch, big shifts in our lives or big periods of change and growth oftentimes mean shedding old friend groups. it's very normal to completely start over with a whole new group of friends after things like high school, college, moving out, during recovery, after getting sober, ect. ect. and its normal when ur a young adult in ur early 20s to be changing friends a lot as u figure out who u are and what works for u in the 31 years i have been alive, ive made and kept 4 deep lasting friendships. i've lost 10 times that if we're counting everyone ive ever made friends with but eventually stopped talking to. so viewing it that way and understanding that its natural for ur friends to shift throughout ur life and for it to take time to find people who u can have meaningful and lasting relationships with i think helps take some of that pressure off. so dont sweat it too much, but take this time to really ask urself some introspective questions and decide what kind of person u want to be, if ur actions truly align with that person, and what kind of people u want in ur life. it helps a lot in the long run

[velociraptorsaurusrex]

the tragedy inherent to the superhero genre is extremely compelling it’s just that comic/film/tv creators these days fundamentally misunderstand what that inherent tragedy IS… where it comes from, why it’s interesting, what to do with it… they don’t get it & ultimately ofc most of them don’t really care.

[just-doing-lesbian-things]

Jinx and Other People’s Responsibility

Full disclosure: I’ve had two glasses of wine so please forgive any narrative misgivings on this journey here

I know we all want Jinx to like, be happy, have therapy, feel loved, and all that good stuff--but what I *really* need from season 2 is for Jinx and the people around Jinx *cough* Vi *cough* to stop holding Jinx’s ability to change as someone else’s responsibility. 

Jinx is a victim of personal circumstances and oppressive systems. Yes.

Jinx is almost as much a product of her circumstances as a product of who she is; an even split of nature vs nurture where no one is sure which side of the vs. lit the first match. Yes. 

Jinx was repeatedly harmed by those who loved her and left without support. Yes.

But--and this is a lesson I think I need to rant on because it’s so true to real life--individuals *cannot* save other individuals. Especially from themselves. It is no one’s job to “fix” Jinx. It’s not even in another person’s capability to “fix” Jinx. Only Jinx can fix Jinx. 

Actually, it reminds me of that Steven Universe song:

I don’t need you to accept me, I accept me. 

I don’t need you love me, I love me. 

But I want you to know you can know me. If you change your mind. If you change your mind. Change your mind. 

I have no doubt we’re about to watch Vi fumble around through more grief and guilt, but the truth is that, even in season 1, Vi, as an outside person, is completely incapable of getting Jinx to change--only Jinx can change Jinx. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” The only actual way to help someone like Jinx, the utmost an individual who is not Jinx can do to get Jinx to fix Jinx, is to hold space and offer support as Jinx asks for it (y’know, the therapy and healthy relationship-building stuff I don’t think we’d ever see in an action show). 

I think I need to wine-rant on this because of that damn line. “But silco didn’t make Jinx, you did.” Because it’s not gd true, Powder’s memory of Vi might have been her tool in shaping Jinx, but no one individual made Jinx but Jinx (again, not lifting blame from her circumstances and environment, but to lay the full blame at another character’s feet is just irresponsible to that character). 

And I think the tragedy in the trauma of her inability to be responsible for her actions is a huge part of her core struggle with her mental health--when we see her freak out over the hextech gem2.0 she runs away whimpering about how “it was a mistake.” 

It’s what makes her story so heartwrenching (for me), is that the one thing she needs, a sense of agency, is the one thing she cannot allow herself. Which is a big part of why she pins her validation on others.

(needing Vi to tell her she’s ready, needing Silco to see her strong/valuable, etc)

Idk what point I need to drive home to feel fulfilled with this rant, except maybe that I want the fandom to not apply Jinx’s logic to their own lives? We all have agency (not over everything, but we all have it) and our willingness to hold ourselves responsible and accountable to that agency can be the difference between chronically victimizing ourselves versus being the strong-protagonist of our own story. 

Idk. Hug your pets. Have some wine, like me. Don’t try be someone else’s savior--the only person we’re actually able to save in any traditional hero-context is ourselves. 

[agent-cupcake]

you ever thought abt writing about if Dimitri's feral side didn't go away? or maybe one where the only way he stops being feral around others is if he, ahem, takes his frustrations out on Y/N

I might have talked about this before but I can't remember for the life of me so, sorry if I'm being repetitive.

I don't have any plans in particular for writing this but I like thinking about Dimitri never fully recovering and just becoming somewhat more functional and all of the many disastrous ways it could change the way he has relationships.

~Like, if Dimitri realizes that the best way to get revenge on Edelgard is to engage in the war strategically. Not because he sees the error of his ways, just the error of his methods.

~This would be a Dimitri who becomes aware that his delusions aren't real, who realizes he can't go on as he is, but isn't able to reconcile with his issues or the dead. His campaign is no longer about those he has lost but those impulses, that madness that drove him to such extremes in the name of the dead, remains. He's sane enough to fight against that side of himself, just not very successfully.

~To that end, he takes the feral, primal rage and misery that compelled him for so long and refocuses it.

~Dimitri's Crest is tied to the Major Arcana Justice and that becomes his driving motivation.

~His army retakes Fhirdiad, the first step in canon!Dimitri's recovery, but instead of remaining calm and using it as a moment of character growth, he brutally tears Cornelia apart on sight. The men come to admit to their treason and he orders their deaths. There is not any cruelty he will spare those who are opposite what he sees as just, this Savior King Dimitri.

~And, yes, Dimitri takes on the mantle of King, he vows to fight for his people rather than the dead, but it's more so because he needs some way to alleviate the pressure of his aggressive urges, because that is the burden of madness he feels he must now pursue. But that's the way of war, isn't it? That is what's necessary.

~Whatever pain it causes, whatever cost it asks of him, he willingly accepts as retribution. This is not a man who is asking for forgiveness or is attempting to better himself, he still views himself in the incredibly negative way he does through the first few chapters of the timeskip, he just deals with it differently.

~When he kills Edelgard and finally gets the revenge he was pursuing, Dimitri realizes that it does nothing for him. His mania, his rage, his insanity still haunts him.

~And, okay, even though he's horribly unapproachable and snaps at people, spends an uncomfortable amount of time training (brutalizing the poor training dummies), and is held together by duct tape and a prayer, Dimitri is somebody who so horribly desperately wants love and validation.

~You give it to him because of course you do, you fool.

~But, at even the faintest whiff of this affection, he taints it with his unresolved mess of emotions after realizing that revenge couldn't fix him and ends up hyper fixating on you as an object to fill the vacuum left by his fixation on Edelgard because he is a messy man with messy feelings.

~So he's not "feral" exactly, but he never actually recovered or figured out a way to deal with his emotions in a healthy way. This is exacerbated by his lack of a support system. I don't doubt that his friends would support him given that he's a competent ruler and I think it would still be in their best interest to help him but his constantly shifting moods and single-mindedness towards some not-so-savory endeavors would make him quite uncomfortable even without being feral. Felix would probably give up his title and run away similar to his non-AM endings.

~So, basically, Dimitri clings to you even tighter because at least you're not going to leave him.... Right?

~I suppose this entire (far too complicated) scenario is just laid out to highlight issues I already see him having.

~Dimitri would have a white-knuckle grip on you because of his terror of losing someone precious to him.

~His anger would bubble up given even the slightest hint of losing the few things he feels keep him stable, or at having his justice challenged.

~Unlike canon!Dimitri, you wouldn't get very much in the way of emotional vulnerability. Not expressed through words, at least. He'd make his devoted desperation clear in other ways.

~He'd be so paranoid, which is another big deviation from canon!Dimitri because I don't think he would trust you very much at all and would be a lot less likely to give you the benefit of the doubt if he began to think something was going on.

~While it's not like I think he'd go full boar on you physically, he wouldn't be that great about controlling his strength. You think you're going to leave him? Hah, good luck when you can't even walk the next morning.

~Everything about this version of Dimitri would be so much more intense than what could be considered even slightly rational. In general, he's already an intense person, but his driving, unrelenting need would become suffocating and excessive, constantly flip-flopping from aggressively possessive to fanatical devotion.

~I've never thought that Dimitri would be a particularly sexually driven person (more that he'd care about his partner's needs over his own needs), but I do think that his need for physical intimacy would be persistent and ravenous enough to make a case for it in this instance.

~He would rely on you a lot more to help manage his moods and emotions and ground him when he needed it, so it'd be insanely emotionally unbalanced. You'd basically be Dimitri's emotional keeper. Not in the cute emotional support way, but in the scary "it is your responsibility to ensure that the King doesn't have a mental breakdown" sort of way.

[iricathel]

For Zazu:

🍨 - What are expectations your muse has had about love that either was false or impossible to live up to?

🌸 - What's their idea of a perfect date?

🌹 - If asked to define love what would your muse say?

🌵 - How toxic would a relationship be with your muse? Would it be able to be fixed?

For Irina:

💮 - Is your muse the possessive or super jealous type?

❤ - What's something you feel like your muse needs to work on for a relationship to happen or for a relationship to be healthy? Do you think that's possible? Or is it something that'll likely never happen?

Let's talk about romance! Muse questions

🍨 - What are expectations your muse has had about love that either was false or impossible to live up to?

Zazu never had any kind of positive expectations in love, so to speak he would think that even it is just a myth to joke with others. He grew up in an environment with minimal display of affection or love, either for himself or for the people around him (including his parents). Doesn't perceive love as a real feeling and is not even able to visualize himself in a romantic relationship.

🌸 - What's their idea of a perfect date?

You can find the answer here ! <3

🌹 - If asked to define love what would your muse say?

"A fairy tale for stupid children created to satisfy boredom and isolation phobia. It is not something real and it is only an illusion product of our deceitful mind being washed with so many fallacies."

🌵 - How toxic would a relationship be with your muse? Would it be able to be fixed?

Zazu has all the ballots to be the representative of the Red Flags community. Zazu has too many toxic traits: He is capable of killing you just because you irritated him, violent and aggressive (verbally and physically), manipulative (could gaslight you and not bat an eye), quite abusive, controlling, jealous and possessive, as well as neglectful (he will put his work as a higher priority than you).

Could it be fixed? Well, with a lot of time and patience, yes, but you will only get him to stop being so physically abusive, not kill you and give you more attention. But it will still be a toxic relationship.

💮 - Is your muse the possessive or super jealous type?

Irina can be a little jealous at the beginning of the relationship due to her fears and insecurities due to past experiences, therefore she will not even want her s/o to look at other people, however, when more time has passed she begins to relax and be more permissive (but no excessive physical contact with your s/o). About possessiveness... yes, Irina is very territorial in this aspect and can even make some marks to leave her mark, as well as bites, lipstick marks, leaving traces of her perfume and essence on your clothes, hickeys or even deep scratches on your skin. In addition, she is the person who would leave her things like makeup or hair ties in the home, car, office or any private space of her s/o.

❤ - What's something you feel like your muse needs to work on for a relationship to happen or for a relationship to be healthy? Do you think that's possible? Or is it something that'll likely never happen?

Irina fears abandonment and being alone too much, in addition to giving herself completely to someone and then being cheated on. As long as she sees that her s/o is really loyal, faithful and someone she can trust to support her, feel safe, accompanied and loved, the relationship will be healthy, otherwise Irina could become too controlling, jealous, possessive and violent; maybe you even unlock Yandere! Irina, or she just leaves the relationship to run away (without doing anything to you or maybe giving you some punishment, possibly fatal).

Another thing to keep in mind is her hot temper, as long as you know how to handle it and help Irina gain control over herself, you and the relationship will be safe.

[tsugarubecker]

Rewatching Love, Victor season 2 and all I can think as I’m watching is that Benji is cooonstantly putting his own feelings aside and instead striving to put himself in Victor’s shoes and empathize with Victor. Victor, for his part, gladly takes that from Benji and then proceeds to fail to put himself in Benji’s shoes in return. (We’ll leave Benji’s issue with conflict avoidance/not stating what he wants aside for a second but we’ll get to that shortly.)

Long-ass post, prepare yourself :P

Example exchange: in ep 6 after Isabel is so nice to Rahim and Benji fails to be #stoked about it, Benji comes up to Victor at the coffee shop the next day and says something like hey, sorry I wasn’t supportive when you were so excited that your mom was being nice to Rahim. And Victor just goes thanks for saying so yeah she was really being nice to him and I think we made some real progress yesterday!

Like. Okay. rewind noises

Let’s do that whole exchange over again but in the way a healthy couple would, shall we?

Benji: Hey Victor. I’m sorry I wasn’t supportive yesterday when you were excited about your mom. I know you wanted me to be excited with you. Can I tell you a little bit about my own feelings around your mom?

Victor: of course you can.

Benji: Okay. To be honest, I feel really hurt when your mom gives me the cold shoulder. And that’s been something I’ve been dealing with for a while now. So, as much as I want to be supportive of you and excited for you when you see her seeming like she’s making some progress, it’s hard for me. Because it would hurt for me to get my hopes up that she’ll treat me better, only to be disappointed.

Victor: Damn. Wow. I’m so glad you told me how you feel about that. That makes a ton of sense. I would really like your support, because I love my mom and this whole thing with her is hard for me, but I understand now why it would be painful and complicated for you to get too excited. Now I get it. Thanks for telling me. I’ll keep that in mind when I bring it up to you from now on and we can navigate all of it together.

fast forward noises OOC cause I just wrote that as I thought about what I would say in a similar situation, but you get the idea.

Returning to Benji for a sec. I’m a cliiiiinically conflict avoidant person, and I recognize a lot of myself in Benji. He doesn’t want to take up space. He makes funny stories and jokes out of his trauma (strip club, crashing car into Wendys). He doesn’t stand up for himself even if he has a legitimate reason to be upset - he finds reasonable reasons to apologize for his part in the situation and tries to make amends. (Certainly not always a bad thing, just can definitely be a conflict avoidant thing.) I mean, we saw him behaving this way even in s1. Think about on their anniversary when Derek said “can we just go catch that show” and Benji said “you go ahead, I’ll catch up” instead of “hey, I know you don’t care about anniversaries but I do. This means a lot to me. I want to spend time together.”

So yeah, Benji has some serious issues with avoiding talking about his own feelings, standing up for himself, etc if it basically doesn’t “go with the flow” of what the other person is thinking or feeling. Conflict avoidant. He doesn’t want to rock the boat. I don’t know why, yet. I don’t think we as the audience know why at this point, but I hope the writers will get into it. Probably isn’t “because alcoholism” - rather, I think the alcoholism is another symptom of the same issue.

Victor, for his part (and I’ve touched on this in another post), probably has spent so much of his life being the fixer for his family that he kind of unconsciously latches on to people who will give him a break from that and take care of him (think Simon, for instance??? Lol). And he forgets that it’s not black or white, it’s not one or the other: care or be cared for. In a relationship it goes both ways. I really think he got this massive crush on Benji, put him on a pedestal, made him out to be perfect; almost saw him as kind of a savior. Someone who could come, sweep him up, and make everything okay. Fulfill all his fantasies. Victor doesn’t seem to see Benji as a real person yet. And he doesn’t seem to realize that he needs to proactively take care of Benji, not just let Benji keep taking care of him. That they need to meet each other halfway.

And speaking of avoidant people, Victor does seem to have a pattern with this behavior doesn’t he? Dates Mia -> not working out -> run to someone who is new and seems perfect. Dates Benji -> things are complicated and hard -> oh look a handsome boy who is wonderful in every way (runs to someone who is new and seems perfect) (and will fix all his problems). Boy needs to stop running off to the next person who’s gonna “fix all his problems”. He needs to invest in his current partner. He needs to invest in being the one to care about his partner, being the one to put in the effort. Not just being the one to be cared for. He needs to stop waiting for someone to come sweep him up and fix all his problems. It’s not realistic, Victor. Get yer shit together & learn how to be a better bf. For reals. Smh

That went off on a little tangent lol, but honestly, at the end of the day, none of this is really even either of these guys’ faults - yes Victor puts Benji on a pedestal and is just beginning to see him as a real person with complexity and flaws, but to be fair Benji basically did the same thing: put Victor on a pedestal. “I broke up with him. I just want to be with someone where I can be myself and that’s enough. That’s how you make me feel, Victor.” = a really similar pattern to what we’ve seen Victor do. Relationship failing, abandon ship for the shiny, new, and better-seeming option. I’m not saying that that’s always the wrong choice. I don’t think that it is. But I am saying that both Benji and Victor are experiencing something very natural: having big crushes, letting infatuation and rose-tinted glasses go to their head, and then experiencing whiplash when their partner isn’t perfect. Honestly I think we’ve all been there to some extent.

At least in s3, now that they’ve seen some low times and their rose-tinted glasses are off, they should get a chance to create a deeper bond if they choose to do that (I feel confident that they eventually will). Benji needs to own his conflict avoidance and start advocating for his wants, needs, and feelings. Victor needs to recognize that although Benji seemed like a dream boy and is way more experienced yada yada, he’s not there to save or take care of Victor - he’s just a person, who also needs to be taken care of sometimes, and Victor needs to meet him halfway in their relationship and do that for him. They need to be able to exchange care as equals.

There I fixed their whole relationship you’re welcome afhffjhgfgjfgjg

(…….oh god I just realized how the writers are gonna have Victor figure out that sometimes he needs to take care of Benji too, and it’s totally gonna be bc Benji relapses with alcohol. Probably. Sounds like a TV-show move, doesn’t it?)

[annavysoul]

I can confirm, they introduced themselves as 3 readers and they made a post how Bee is leaving and starting their own channel. They even made a post to support it and linked the blog, that's how I knew of the Bee drama. But yknow whatever. But they shouldn't demonize those poor future apouses lmao, it's not gonna be them, or any of us.

Warning very long, I got carried away my bad lol

But the drama on tumblr is kinda mild conpared to Youtube "readers". At least the readers here on tumblr try to hide the fact, that they're describing themselves very well but yoooooooo.... Youtube readers are a different breed. Most of them are super young (12-13, but there are a handful of readers old enough to fucking know better) and just straight up describe themselves with no shame. I even found some who put pics of themselves lmao. Me and my friends like to go through readings and bet, who is describing themselves as a spouse. There is one reader who has over 30+ vids on Mrs. J, and most readings are like over 20 mins long. How much is there to know about a person, that doesn't exist yet??? But most YT readers are obssessed with the fact, that Mrs. J is from India, what a coincidence that the reader is also from India lmao. I'm not saying BTS wouldn't ever date someone from that country, I'm saying it's impossible to get a specific country, age, height, religion etc from tarot cards. The pics on the cards might give you clues and the cards can say that the person is different from you, but they go into way too much detail. And it's funny because they're always soooo specific for Jungkook and V, but for the other ones....crickets🦗 On one hand it's so sad bc you have these little girls, putting out their private info, looks and secrets for the whole world to see (these vids have thousands of views) and they don't really grasp the consequences of their actions bc yknow, their just children. The internet never forgets. But on the other hand, you have these grown women who, like I said, should know better than these little girls. Not only do they get so defensive if you don't 100% allign with what they said, they are borderline so obsessed of the idea of being a spouse. Like tf??? Bts aren't Gods. They're very attractive celebs, who's purpose is to entertain people with their contents and music (hence the word idol & entertainer), while they do feed into that perfect bf material scheme, it's up to the fan to not actually develop real romantic feelings (a celeb crush and being a stan is something very different). Most are actually fans for very superficial reasons, they just find them attractive, not the music. And if you take the glitz and glamour of fame and money away, Bts are regular human beings, with flaws and issues. Like. The. Rest. Of. Us. They only show you the best side of them, because it's part of the whole idol package. We truly do not know these people, no matter how sincere or authentic they appear on camera. Like so so many were suprised that they wanted to disband a few years ago, bc they couldn't handle the pressure. These readers always believe if they meet/marry them, their life is going to be better and they feel alive again or smth. Most of these readers actually need therapy, I don't mean that in a condescending way. They imagine that their spouse, a celeb they've never met, will be their sole reason for their happiness and only then they are able to fix their issues and unhappiness. That reeks of co-dependency. And even if they'd become couple and be public, then what? A really big big chunk of Armys are actually in love with Bts, no matter if they even know tarot or not (Armys usually claim that only 2% of the fandom are delulus but that's definetly not true🥴). You'd get send d*eath threats, be harrassed, get doxxed, be hated for all eternity, even if you'd decided to break up. Look what happend with Jk and the tattoo artist he only hugged. She lost her job bc Armys were reporting her, some were trashing her workplace, she got threats, her friends got harassed and doxxed and she lost a friend (Jk). Not only that, but people would legit stalk you and try to hurt you, if you were a romatic partner of Bts. Then you also have the tarot side, who'd try to curse youa nd paint you as the evil demon, who is toxic to member xyz. And I don't think you'd want to spend your entire life locked in your house. And I personally could never deal with like millions of haters, no matter how hot my partner is.

Yoooo! i search again in yt and watch a couple of videos... these are kids for go sake🥺🥺 where are their parents and why they let them public private infoooo?!? internet and children isnt the best combination...

and yess, theres also grown up women and thats really creepy, u can understand that children might do that cause they are young, BUT WHEN U ARE OLD ENOUGH, U SHOULD ACT BETTER!! and i insist, they just trying to prove to themselves and to the world that they are worth it to be with a celebrity, like yeah of course u are worthy, like any of us, but this is not the way u know? its weird, i dont think its sane at all, they just are using the cards to feel better, and thats bs. and if it is just a cope mecanism, plz work on yourself, get help, life its better when u are in a healthy place

also its interesting about mrs being from india and most of all the videos i watch where from indian armys, tarot doesnt work like that, yeah u can feel the energy that its different, perhaps different culture and think that maybe it could be a foreing, but the cards will never tell you something that specific, less if u dont even know in person the people you are reading for

we dont know them at all, and people put them in a such high pedestal just for being famous and hot, so i really have trouble to think that some tarot readers can pick their real energy, im a very intuitive person, but i need to be in the presence of the person to feel their real energy, so to be so specific in a reading they need to energise the cards with the energy of the person, they need to at least shuffle the cards and connect with the reader, sooo thats why i only see these reads as enterteiment, and its bad for the community to claim that we can see ALL of about them.

i'll never forgive the people who threaten the tattoo artist, poor girl, and thats why the guys cant have healthiest relationship, let them have a LIFE

[neworleansspecial]

Dysregulation

Summary: Carlos thinks it's time to address some issues.

WC: 1.4k | AO3

Warnings: discussion of mental illness

-

They never talk about what happened at the firehouse after Owen got arrested.

To be fair, there’s a lot more going on, Carlos can admit- their home and the firehouse burned down, Tommy’s husband died, there was a massive dust storm- there hasn’t been a lot of time to talk about anything that wasn’t happening in the immediate moment. That does not mean, however, that Carlos has forgotten.

It’s not the first time he’s had to restrain TK to calm him down. While it’s not a daily occurrence, it’s happened enough that Carlos needs more than one hand to count them off. Part of him wonders if anyone else has even noticed the issue, or if it’s just him trying to hold TK together when he comes dangerously close to flying into pieces. He knows of at least two other occasions TK sought out poor coping mechanisms. There was his fight at the bar where he got arrested, and an altercation with Judd over some stupid call.

Carlos does research about it before he even thinks of talking to TK. He likes to know all the facts of a situation before he gets into it, and he figures that if he can find some answers or coping strategies online, this might go easier than just trying to shoot a shot in the dark about helping his boyfriend. What he finds describes TK’s behavior as emotional dysregulation, and it’s not uncommon in a variety of disorders, at least two of which he knows for a fact TK has been diagnosed with.

He calls Gwyn one morning alone while he’s meal prepping for the week. TK, Owen and Mateo have already gone to start their shared shift, while Carlos’ isn’t until the evening. While he doesn’t know much about Owen- seeing as TK mostly refuses to talk about his father and the two of them are rarely in the room together long- he knows him well enough to recognize a lot of the same neuroses between the two. If that doesn’t help, at least Gwyn has known TK longer than Carlos has.

They spend a few minutes on pleasantries and catching up before Carlos drops the questions on her. “I wanted to talk to you about TK.”

“He’s not hurt again, is he?”

“No, no, nothing like that, he’s fine.” Carlos double checks his mother’s recipe card and pulls out the next vegetable to dice up. “I think he is, anyway. I just wanted your advice on something.”

“Of course.”

Carlos takes a second to gather his thoughts. He doesn’t mean to just dump TK’s business out in the open, but he needs someone to help him figure this out, and he figures someone who raised TK would have some guidance on how to approach this. He wants to help TK in the same way TK helps him when he’s overwhelmed or anxious.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but sometimes TK doesn’t exactly… manage his emotions well.”

“Oh, definitely not. He gets it from Owen. Between the two of them, living in that house was just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“That sounds familiar.” He considers the time they fought after the farmer’s market. TK acted like the world was ending, even going so far as to remove some of things from Carlos’ apartment. It had felt like an insane overreaction, but one that he couldn’t really say anything about when he didn’t know what it felt like to be in TK’s position. “How did you deal with that?”

“I spent a lot of time in therapy figuring that out.” She pauses. “Probably should have been the two of them in therapy, come to think of it. But what my therapist told me was that I have to realize that it’s real for them.”

“Meaning what, exactly?”

“TK’s blown up at you at least once, I assume?”

“Once or twice.”

She hums. “When he’s that upset, it’s like it’s the only emotion he’s ever had. It’s real to him. The best advice I can give you is to step inside his head with him. The thing people like you and I have to understand is that if we want to be with them, we have to understand that it's a mental illness and we aren’t going to be able to fix them. We can only support them in recovery and try to understand when they’re having an episode.”

“That’s very insightful, Gwyn.”

“I’ve been dealing with Owen Strand for almost thirty years. I picked up a few things.”

He laughs, but only because he feels like he should. They chat for a few more minutes before he hangs up and finishes his meal prep. It makes sense. Carlos isn’t a therapist, and he won’t try to be, but he can be there for TK.

When he and TK both sat down and had the conversation about their health, it had been maybe two weeks into their relationship. It was something they had needed to speak about. Carlos talked to him about being autistic, and TK told him about having ADHD and the series of inconsistent diagnoses he’s been given by the laundry list of doctors he’s been through. The current diagnosis is borderline, he had said, but he’s been diagnosed with everything from bipolar to psychosis since he was first seen by mental health professionals in his teenage years. Every doctor has a different opinion, he had said. Whatever the case, he knows what Gwyn means when she says to keep in mind that it’s not coming from a rational place in TK’s mind.

Now that they’ve moved back in with Owen while they hunt for a new place to live, things have become more tense. TK doesn’t like being here and it shows. He and Owen are constantly on edge with each other, on the cusp of a fight or actively having one that winds up with Owen drinking outside in the backyard- and pressuring Mateo to join him- while TK paces in their room and Carlos tries to convince him not to hit something. It can’t be healthy for any of them to keep living like this.

He waits until they have the place to themselves to talk about it, both for TK’s comfort and in case things blow up, as they sometimes do when TK and Carlos fall out of step with one another. They’ve had their dinner and washed up, and are now tucked under a blanket together on the couch while a documentary plays on the television.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.”

They fall into a short silence after that. TK fidgets in what he undoubtedly thinks is a subtle way, bouncing the leg that’s not pinned beneath Carlos’ weight and tapping his fingers against each other. Carlos feels bad for bringing him anxiety, but they do have to talk about it at some point.

“I love you,” he starts, “I really do love you, TK, and I’m not going anywhere, but I need you to be more aware of yourself.”

“What does that mean?”

This is the difficult part; finding a way to phrase things without making TK feel like he’s being attacked or cornered, something which will only lead to a fight. Carlos recognizes the irony of this tone-policing when he’s trying to talk to TK about the very root issue.

“I feel like you don’t have a good handle on your emotions and it’s upsetting me,” he tries. “It makes me feel like I have to walk on eggshells and like your emotions matter more than mine. I’m sure that’s not your intention, but that’s what I feel like, and I was hoping we could figure out a way to deal with this.”

“Like what?”

Carlos shrugs. “Ultimately it’s up to you, but one thought I had was about therapy. Maybe trying a different approach with your therapist, or even getting a new one. Or, I thought we could try couple’s counseling.”

“Couple’s counseling is for failing relationships.”

It is at that moment that Carlos knows he lost him. Whoever put that in his head- and Carlos’ money is on Owen- has won out over reasoning for right now. They don’t have to do that, of course, and if TK needs time to come around he can have it, but the mere suggestion has effectively shut down the conversation for now.

This is going to be a long road.

[ackermanshoe]

March comes in like a lion, it's Portrayal of toxic & healthy relationship and how to compares rivamika + Ereh

Que the longest title everr 😌✨

So before I start on the actual analysis, I recently started watching March comes in like a lion instead of doing my assignments and I half way through season 2. For those of you who haven't watched it, it might be a spoilers so beware of that.

In this analysis I'll be comparing the similarities I found between Rei, Hina and Kyoko.

So watching any anime after being do emotionally attached to rivamika it's only natural that I compare them to the characters with even the tiniest bit similarities in their dynamic but Rei and hina's relationship jump in episode 4 of season 2 really caught me off guard and I was like omg?? Rivamika?? How do I make this about them 😩

Anyway so a little background on Rei's relationship with both girls Kyoko and Hina ( Hinata ). Firstly, i subconsciously placed Rei has Mikasa, kyoko has Eren and Hina as Levi, why? You will know on a minute. Rei is a depressed kid who has known only one way of life and that's through shogi games and after his parents death ( cough cough ) he was taken in by a old friend ( I think ) of his dad's who was also obsessed with shogi. Kyoko is the biological daughter of this man who has "adopted" Rei and later on Rei was came to know Hina and her sisters, they were super supportive of him from the start and having lost family members themselves they related to him on a personal level.

So you see why Eren and mikasa's dynamic matches with Rei and Kyoko and not only as "step siblings" it's also the fact that Rei became somewhat obsessed with her through the time he had spent over at their house, it's toxic and it's been showcased that way ever since kyoko was introduced into the series. Rei thought of her when he heard the word "love" and he even admitted to the fact that having her around is toxic and yet he can't push her away. He said he does not want to stop hearing her voice even tho she , herself is in love with a much older man who is married. Everytime she showed up to his bedroom uninvited and slept next to him my mind went "he is in love with her and their relationship is so toxic why does the author keep bringing her into his life?" Or "girl get the fuck away from him".

Without even thinking too much deep into their physical connection I already knew I would be able to related this dynamic to Eren and Mikasa. Although this series gives us much more depth into the main characters views since it's narrated from his own perspective, and the fact that he metaphorically compared his feelings of being lost and sadness helps me as an audience to understand what's happening much much easier than attack on titan. I personally feel like this kind of series are usually short ( idk how long this is) because it feels like the author knows exactly what he is going for, everything is set in stone.

Going back to Rei's ( mikasa's) relationship with kyoko ( Eren ) it's much much clear how toxic it had become for him in more than just one way. And the show isn't denying Rei of his feelings towards Kyoko and it's not even attempting to distant him from her and yet you just knew there had to be someone better right? That's when they introduced Hina and Kyoko in the same episode, meeting each other and a sense of invisible rivalry gushed over them, especially Hina. She is a happy go lucky girl and extremely sensitive to things to the point it kinda annoys me everytime she bursts out crying ( but hey you can't hate a genuinely good character ).

That's where things get interesting for me maybe because I am on that Levi X Mikasa agenda all the time but just like rivamika their relationship has been portrayed as platonic for the longest time in the seaosns. If I didn't go out of way to search up who Rei falls in love with and it didn't say hina's name I probably wouldn't be making this comparison right now because who wants to have their heart broken for the 2nd time in the same fucking month 🙄.

Anyway so in this one episode Hina comes home crying because of bullying issue at school and as she runs off into the dark streets Rei chases her and eventually catching up to her takes her hand and being able to relate to her problems, comparing his younger self to her present Rei reaches out his hand and God fucking damn it he says "you saved my life..I promise I'll stay with you" ofc I'm making this post now you know the real reason 🤡.

The unseen build up that happen between them reminds me of rivamika, the Portrayal of healthy relationship is rivamika. Hina (in our case Levi ) to Rei is the voice of emotion, she speaks out the feelings that Rei has been surpassing all these years inside of him. Just like how we talked about Levi is the voice of reason, while Mikasa has the impulsive urge to act up. Just like how Levi became the perosn who reasonably always took mikasa's side, he gave her personal reasons to take Erens side everytime have an actual meaning towards the scouts / everyone , he then became someone Mikasa was able to object & voice out her opinion towards because she knew that he would response and guide her the right way and finally he became someone she was able to fully trust.

Much like Hina and Rei, when Hina cried out her heart and Rei couldn't help but go back to his past self and imagine Hina coming to him and giving him a hand, being his saviour. It's much like how Levi saw his past self in Mikasa present ( S1 ), Levi gave Mikasa the hand she needed when she didn't know she needed.

Hina despite being much younger than him, was able to make him realise that he too was shutting out his emotions and was able to let himself be free through Hina when she cried, expressing her frustrations and very human like emotions. In the forest of the giant trees when Mikasa and Levi saved Eren for the first time he told her " we got your precious friend, didn't we?" A slight wake up call he had given her for the very first time, an attack on Mikasa's ego and evoking a different emotions within her. Like telling her it's not only about Eren and getting revenge, risking your life so easily, Levi had lost his entire squad in order to protect Eren so now that he is safe they better leave now.

So the question is did Levi and Mikasa save each other?

What can I say that I haven't said already in here about these two?

"you saved my life" Rei says to Hina as he reached out her hand and the beauty of that scene was the fact that it was delicate and soft despite it not being anything romantic. Remind me of that panel of Mikasa touching Levi's shoulder. How ironic is the fact that I'm comparing Hina, a openly emotional character to Levi who is said to be the most emotional inside?

Levi physically saved Mikasa a lot of the time however emotionally Levi saved Mikasa from being selfish and from herself. What if I said and ignoring 139, that Levi was one of of the biggest reasons Mikasa took the initiative and decapitated Eren that day?

Wait why does it feel like I already said it before lol

Through Levi, Mikasa learnt to trust more, learnt that even though they gave difference not only in height, age and in how they treat Eren ( Levi with force and Mikasa with care ), Mikasa still came in terms with Levi and relied on him, shared her burden with him. I think that's the biggest character twist Mikasa had, the fact that she was ready to draw sword at anyone who treated Eren wrong and everyone was scared of her and then came the grumpy shorty who beat her beloved brother right in front of her but eventually he became the biggest form of support she had in the end. I just can not help but laugh at all the unseen development this ship has had and all the implication of Futher interaction after season 3 between them, it's really obvious they had something going on because imagine you don't talk to someone for like 3 years and suddenly when you engage in battle against , paired up with them suddenly you become the strongest duo known to humanity. +?)!#)# make it make sense.

Sooo now you see the that having toxic relationship with a partner is only natural and inevitable but growing from that, opening your eyes to those who actually care there for you is rather healthy. So moral of the story is guys make sure stick with those who tells you to stay with them, the end.

Omg guys this turned out so much longer than I intended, anyway hopefully y'all liked it. I know it's not the strongest comparison or analysis but I feel like I'm running out of words for what I want to say about rivamika it feels like I'm recycling my sentences from previous analysis over and over again because ✨ lack of content ✨ and my inability to think of something new.

Please ignore all my spelling mistakes I have decided to embrace my mistakes instead of fixing them simply because I'm too lazy 😉

💜💜💜

[staliasjeronica]

While I'm here, I hated so much about that episode, but the few good things where how Tabitha handled Jug relapsing. She did good. She showed support and care in the right amount. I loved her for that. Also Jug sending in the scriptin the first place was good, even better when he started to do the right thing and say he didn't write it. It showed to what length an addition can drive you, even if you only do it to try and fix yourself. That, and that he didn't want to start rebuilding his life with a lie, shows he's really trying to get his shit together. Not just performative soberness, but really work on his issues and problems, even if it causes him to lose his dream job for now. That was a good character statement and development.

Yeah, Tabitha handled Jughead’s relapse very well in my opinion (though I am NOT an expert in anything dealing with alcoholism)—she’s really going to be his rock through this and support and care for him which is something he hasn’t had in such a long time (since, like, s1-2 really…).

I’m so glad that Jughead did the right thing in the end because you’re right it does mean he’s actually putting in the work to better himself and not just for someone else, for HIMSELF. After four seasons of never being able to grow in a healthy way because he was stuck in a dead relationship since the second they randomly decided to get together (but lets be real it wasn’t exactly random, just more so because they we’re using each other. Betty to get over Archie and feel wanted, and Jughead because someone actually paid attention to him), it’s really nice to see him get through all that so I’m very excited for his arc and Jabitha’s development into a romance. For once, Jughead can finally be in a healthy, loving relationship <3

[astroastroastroo]

Leo Moon

When they were an infant they were given a lot of care and attention by their mothering figure.

Leo moon person uses praise and compliments in order to feel better.

For them it is not easy to change their emotional habit patterns because Leo is a fixed sign.

They rely on their own self-love and others proof of their love for them to get by. They might balance things out by bumping up their own self-love if they are not receiving that proof of love from others.

This can be healthy most of the times but it could be hard for them to admit their mistakes or giving for the sake of giving can almost feel like a threat to their own self-love.

They are protecting themselves because innately there is some insecurity. And it is quite sad to see an insecure Leo moon because out of all the other moon signs they have the most potential to be innately secure, loving and entertaining.

Our ingrain habits can dim our light. Habits are not who we really are. Bad habits are unconsciously created for self-protection. When we feel that the walls that we have created for ourselves to protect ourselves is threatened to be broken down by outside forces and if it breaks the self-love that we have created inside this wall will no longer exist.

But if that is the case that is not a real love. Accepting that we’ve done someone wrong is actually act of self-love.

It is not about being at the highest vibration of oneself from day one because noone is born that way. It is about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, allowing yourself to transform and to grow into your highest vibration throughout life.

Each time you make a mistake and apologize you become more humble you make somone else feel better and you know exactly what to do next time so you don’t make the same mistakes. You are growing, evolving and transforming.

If you are in a relationship with a Leo moon one of the most important things you need to know is that they are very independent people and that they don’t bend to you. If you have an argument, conflict, disagreement or fight with them you need to be the first one to come to them and talk to them about it otherwise they can be perfectly okay with just saying goodbye to you and going off on their own way. They can be stubborn but if you come to them first they will be completely open to compromise, to openly talk with you and work things out and they will be honest about it.

The secound thing you will need to know if you are in a relationship with a Leo moon is that they sometimes will do things for you with grandeur and they will worship you and make you feel good, important and special but you need to do the same for them or you need to go out of your way to show them how much you appreciate them and what they have done for you and you need to do it with gradiosity. Most Leo moon’s like to entertain people and when they do you need to make sure that you appreciate it.

At their highest energy vibration they can give love with purity and not ask for anything in return. They can be that person that really understands the true love of the self and they can influence and motivate others to love themselves. They can really see people’s potentials and they can bring that out in them. But more than being an influencer and support they are a star. They need to be able to bring smiles on people’s faces and uplift their spirits.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

imagine the writers actually liked blair & released her from the shackles of her relationship with THAT man, how would you have liked to see dan & blair's relationship develop from there? individual character development, conflicts, scenes, anything that comes to ur mind! i love seeing your analyses and opinions on this blog - ur able to express ur thoughts so aptly!

when you say “THAT man” i don’t actually know whether you mean chuck or louis, so i’m just going to interpret it as both of them, sklhfdklghf. though in a lot of ways this response focuses more on dan & blair, so!  [ read more because it got long...duh] [most of the links will take you to gifsets by @danandblair  - if you’re not following, you should! morgan’s undeniably the best of the best *sobs*]  

tbh, i feel like... canon dair was already so good, in so many ways. they were playful, they both made each other happy, they were able to have open conversations - neither of them had any illusions about the other person, and both of them were very much on the same wavelength about what they wanted from a relationship. nads @mysteriesofloves has said a bit about how they’re romantically very compatible over here  - it’s better than anything i could say.

dan and blair are really interesting though, because they understand each other very intuitively. as early as the stairwell scene in 1x04, where dan tells blair about the situation with his mother, and then in the bit in 1x15 where nate hugs vanessa and dan & blair see it, they both just...exchange a look and neither of them needs to say a word... they get it. this intuitive understanding of each other gives their relationship - when they are in a relationship - a good solidity, because there’s less scope for miscommunication when you’re with someone who knows you well enough that they don’t misunderstand you very often? 

there’s just so many instances where dan’s insecure/jealous of chuck, and blair reassures him, and the whole thing in ‘despicable b’ where blair sabotages him at the event, but they resolve it and talk about it! even though both of them can be insecure in their own ways, they trust each other! both of them genuinely want the other to succeed!

they both saw each other in a real way - look how blair describes dan to dan here, look how dan tells her what he sees in her. unlike how dan saw serena or blair saw chuck, dan & blair’s expectations of each other are grounded in reality and in experience. their romance was a progression of their friendship, which is what made it so stable, imo. 

what i think needed to be done differently was like - the fact that chuck is blair’s ex, and out of all her exes, probably the one whose relationship with blair was the most ‘intense’, and dan knew this. dan knows that blair loved chuck - hell, he gave her advice on how to seduce chuck back in s2. even when her diary was leaked and whatnot, the fact that he was like *shocked pikachu* about it didn’t make sense to me. dan knew from day 1 that he was in love triangle territory with blair, so to suddenly be shocked by her feelings for chuck felt really ooc. also, i’ve spoken about this before in some other context, but serena leaking blair’s diary directly parallels vanessa stealing dan’s manuscript. when vanessa stole dan’s manuscript, he was hurt and he tried to stop her from publishing it, because he wasn’t ready. given that he’s been through this exact form of betrayal, i would’ve expected him to be more sympathetic to blair. that diary leak shouldn’t have torn them apart imo.

i also think that what blair was going through was... a lot. chuck, louis, the miscarriage, the pressures of the press, the responsibilities that came with being blair grimaldi and the knowledge that she would have to undertake them, serena being unreliable (the ‘evil serena’ arc! oh this’ll be a completely different essay if i take it there), her mother ready to give her waldorf designs, her needing to choose a career or whatever, all of that together is really a mess. and it’s a mess that dan, all by himself, couldn’t possibly fix - even if he wanted to! i think blair’s moving past all of that should’ve been given some focus. i think she would need therapy (to be honest, everyone on this show needs therapy, but again: different discussion) and maybe... the idea of blair in a support group warms my heart. a support groups for people who’ve had miscarriages, or for survivors of intimate partner violence, or something like that. it would’ve been good for her to have safe spaces where she could acknowledge that she’d been going through these incredibly stressful and traumatizing things, and while dan humphrey, supportive boyfriend and wife guy extraordinaire is There, it’s never healthy to use a single person as a support system, and i think blair needed focus at this point of the arc to recover and get better and be able to put herself first. 

i also really wish that there’d been resolution and acknowledgement of how in the past, blair had been awful to jenny and vanessa - given that they’re dan’s sister & dan’s best friend (dan/vanessa friendship should’ve stayed strong throughout the show, i am forever pissed off that it was ruined) - given that, i felt like it’s definitely something that should have come up at some point, and been another thing they had to get through as part of their relationship.

there might be something else i’m forgetting, i don’t know.

to conclude: something i really liked was that dan & blair’s first time having sex was... not good, but they got past it (look at this! ahhh.) i loved that because dan AND blair are both such... perfectionists isn’t the best word, but like... they both care So Much about things like this? like, their first time being Good is something they were both so serious about, and they’re just. they take these things so seriously. but they were able to move past it anyway and it didn’t really matter that their first time was awful, which. given how much both of them overthink & overanalyze and/or put too much significance in arbitrary things - given that, it was cool that they didn’t get stuck there? idek how to say this.

yeah, that’s all i’ve got.. i think!

[ask-hunterxhunter]

Headcanons for Hisoka, Illumi, and Chrollo losing their female s/o to childbirth? Like the moment labor starts their s/o is in unbearable pain and she bleeds too much and passes away. How would they cope with losing one of the few people they actually love & having to be responsible for a baby on their own now? Thank u so much :3

Hisoka

This is one of the few occasions when Hisoka is lost for a while. Even as he holds your hand and feels life leaving your body, he just doesn’t react immediately. It’s not he never considered you dying before, it’s just that it doesn’t feel real when it happens. You can’t be gone. You just can’t… It’s like this event has no place in reality. It’s also one of the few occasions when Hisoka becomes a little more… Sentimental. Oh, not while the doctors are in the room (in fact, his lack of bigger reaction will either be considered shock or him being a cold bastard in their eyes), but once they leave him alone with your body… Hisoka doesn’t cry, he doesn’t scream, but he brushes your face gently as he says goodbye…

 All in all, he seems to be taking it rather well, right?

 Wrong. Dear Lord, wrong.

 When he arrives home, Hisoka just sits for a moment… And screams. He isn’t someone who takes refuge in denial, he doesn’t go on how this isn’t happening… But it doesn’t make acceptance easier. As used to death as Hisoka is, he has always been a lone wolf who never cared for anyone else but you. Accepting the death of a loved one is never easy for anyone, but we can’t say Hisoka is exactly well-prepared or adjusted for such things.

 His initial reaction is downright scary. He screams, his bloodlust overflows (it’s the only way he knows how to deal with things), but there isn’t anyone to blame, anyone to go after (it’s sad, but those things do happen), just this awful pain. The façade he keeps just drops and everything just overflows and fills the room. It’s suffocating and terrifying.

 What stops him? The baby crying. Hisoka is not exactly an emotional guy, he isn’t used to dealing with those deeper emotions, but remember that he wouldn’t enter a real relationship (let alone have a child with you) if his feelings weren’t this serious. So, yes, it might be strange to imagine Hisoka caring for a baby, but this is his child. Yours and his. As soon as he hears the cries, he stops and remembers he is a father now. And yes, he does love the baby.

 He isn’t feeling any better, but he holds the baby and tries to calm down.

 Hisoka won’t admit it to anyone ever, however, he is almost scared now. He had admitted to you he had no idea of how to be a father (and was pretty sure he wasn’t the best material for the role), and now he has to be a single father. Does that seem like a good idea? He already admitted to Illumi he has issues. Just because he’s happy with his lifestyle and doesn’t give a crap and has no intention to change, doesn’t mean he is so much of a bastard that he doesn’t care about his own child!

 Simply put, he has no idea what to do.

 Wherever your soul is, you can at least rest knowing Hisoka will do his best. Will he change his lifestyle? No more than he absolutely has to (so, very little). Will he mess up? Yes. Like everyone does. Will he love this child and do the best he can? Yes. Will he care for them? Yes. He might not be the best father ever, but he won’t be an awful one, either.

 Yet, Hisoka will never recover from losing you.

 And just because he calms down after your death because he scared his child, it doesn’t mean he will remain calm. In fact, he may (try to) deal with it the only way he knows how: By turning to violence. He’ll be staying at Heaven’s Arena for a while and people will at once fear that they’ll have to fight him because Hisoka won’t just “not attend” the match. It’s doesn’t matter who it is or how strong they are: Hisoka will be there. And this won’t be even a fight as much as murder: He will be going after blood.

 It won’t help as much as he hopes. By the end of the day, even if he uses fighting as an escape valve for what happened, he is still hurting and you’re still dead.

 Illumi

To put it in one word? Badly.

 Being pregnant with Illumi’s child (well, anyone from the Zoldyck, really) means you’ll have the best care money can afford (and God knows this means top care), but the fact remains that those things still can happen. Not that this means much for Illumi. Remember he doesn’t care for anyone beyond his family, so the fact that he wanted to start a family of his own with you already speaks volumes for how much he valued you. At first, he is in shock. You can’t have just left you, it’s impossible, you’re his wife, you weren’t supposed to die, this was to be the happiest day of both of your lives… But he won’t be able to refuse the fact that you died for more than a couple of seconds.

 If he even suspects there was a mistake, that the doctors weren’t careful enough, anything, he’ll take it out on them (if by a lawsuit or by taking matters in his own hands, it depends), because people often want someone to blame, somewhere to focus their pain on and Illumi is one of them. Once the initial shock of the loss pass, he will want to know exactly what happened and why you died.

 Not that this will bring any comfort. Even if a doctor can be blamed for what happened and Illumi deals with them, this won’t bring you back. There’s no satisfaction. There’s nothing.

 As unemotional as Illumi can be, this is one of those rare cases when it looks like all the emotions he keeps away (or doesn’t seem to have at all) just explode. Think about when he felt Alluka’s power… That is tame compared to how it will be then. The only change is the nature of this explosion. I repeat: The loss of someone you love, no matter how it happens, is always painful and can always be traumatic. It doesn’t help that Illumi is, well, how he is. This event won’t help Illumi’s mental state and it might, in fact, push him further into his darkness (after all, it isn’t as if he sees anything wrong with himself to make him want to change for starters).

 It's hard to tell how Illumi will deal with the loss. We know it won’t be in a normal way, let alone one we could consider healthy, but there is the presence of his family to be taken into account as they will offer support and help as much as they can which might help to reign him back a little. While he might seem to be okay with being killed by someone he “cares about” such as Killua in order to “be kept in their hearts” or controlling them with needles “for their own safety”, but losing them to death? Something that can’t ever be fixed? Not the same.

 As much as his family might try to help (despite being how they are, they are still somewhat more balanced than he is), there is a limit to how much they will be able to do so. Illumi may dedicate himself to the job more than never, go after Killua (in an “I already lost my wife, I won’t lose my brother” frame of mind), or anything else that may give him the sensation of recovering control in his life and that demands attention. Again, hard to predict exactly how he will deal with it, but it won’t be by keeping good memories, remembering he will see her again in heaven or anything remotely healthy.

 Regarding the baby, he won’t abandon them (as if!) and will dedicate himself to raise them well, but the problem is that without you around to “balance” his behaviour and beliefs, his methods might be worse than what his parents did to him. Illumi won’t remember your words or will just “twist” them to fit his views. Not out of disrespect for your memory, but because he truly believes in his family’s methods. Yes, he will love the baby, very much so, but again… This is Illumi we’re talking about.

 On a note, about Alluka, despite his desire to do something about your death, he won’t be dumb/desperate enough to consider using Nanika’s power to bring you back, at least until he is 100% sure this won’t backfire on him (and chances are, it will anyway. I mean, when did this sort of thing ever work for anyone who tried? Read “Pet Sematary”, “Monkey’s Paw” and whatever else deals with the subject. He is twisted, not stupid).

 Chrollo

Surprisingly, despite being a criminal, Chrollo can make sure you are well-cared for during pregnancy and when the time comes to give birth, you’ll have great doctors. Sadly, again, this doesn’t mean death by childbirth cannot happen (it depends on several things, even if you have top healthcare).

 As someone who lives so close to death and who has little to no care for human life, Chrollo doesn’t have a moment of denial. Being in the room while you give birth, he feels life leaving you and a part of him seems to go with you… He tells the doctors to do something, to help you, but it’s too late. And he knows it. He has killed enough people to know when they are gone with no chance of getting back. He stays with you for a while, not talking, not crying, just holding your hand as if you were asleep.

 Because the Spider has so many enemies, he will make sure it was indeed an accident and not someone trying to take revenge by killing you or anything of the sort (and if it turns out this is what happened, well, everyone involved is as good as dead). And also because of his lifestyle, you might think he will be somewhat better prepared for this event and know how to deal with it…

 Well… No, not really. Losing you is worse than losing another member of the Spider, as it is more personal. Chrollo doesn’t make a show of how much this hurts him while there are others around (in fact, even with the Spiders he might keep his emotions under control), but when he is alone, he doesn’t care to keep a façade of calmness. Differently from Hisoka or Illumi, this won’t be an explosion of rage or a long scream, but it won’t be less of a huge blow: Chrollo feels lost and for a moment, he can’t even focus on the Troupe or what to do. He just feels your absence and a future he can no longer have while he holds the baby close.

 Although he is used to “carry on” when a member of the Spider dies (and searching for whoever killed them to get revenge), this is different: Not only because he has no one to blame for, but again, it’s far more personal. You were his partner, the person he wanted to start a family with… He never allowed anyone to get this close, keeping his focus on the Troupe and its objectives and now he has to deal with losing you forever. He knows he needs to carry on. He knows there is nothing he can do now except caring for the baby and continuing with his plans. In a sense, his rational side continues to work because Chrollo basically programmed himself to be like this with the years of being who he is.

 Only that this doesn’t help when emotions, that are far harder to be controlled, get involved. There is no other way of putting this: Your death leaves Chrollo devasted. And this depression may last a long time. He may get to the point of continuing his plans, keeping the Troupe’s goals and all, but underneath it all, there will be this hollowness that just won’t go away. If Senritsu was to hear his heartbeat, she would point out how worse it became.

 The members of the Troupe that are closest to him, such as Machi, will know that Chrollo needs help in this moment, not as a villain or as their boss, but as a human being who lost a loved one (considering how many people they took away from their loved ones without a care, you’re free to call them hypocrites). It must be said that this help will be balanced: Enough to remind Chrollo he is not as alone as he behaves and not pushing to the point of being suffocating.

 Because of that and also due to Chrollo’s ability to not lose focus despite emotional turmoil, as depressed as he gets, he won’t forget that he has a child to think about now: The uncertainty that one feels when having to be a single father is present, he isn’t sure of how he’ll balance being the Troupe’s leader with protecting and raising a child. He isn’t just going to forsake the Spiders, but he won’t just drop the kid in an orphanage and take off (unless there is so much danger closing on him that he literally has no choice, but the chances are preeetty slim). Some members of the Troupe may help Chrollo in this department (such as Machi or Pakunoda, if she is still alive when this happens) as he finds ways to reach this balance between his goals and his personal life.