#maladaptive coping and self sabotage

[pixielle-hrrngrv]

i never consciously realized… if Billy graduated Summer of '85 like implied in canon (tho i stand by the fanon of Billy being in Nancy and Robin's grade, it's just a vibe) and he died on the 4th of July... he likely was less than a MONTH away from going off to college and finally getting to build his own life. to be himself.

if he was gonna go, he would've already committed to his school by then and that was at the forefront of his mind.

lifeguarding was probably his Summer job to get him the gas and travel money he needed to drive cross country and get back home.

[angria]

Complete sobbing mess of a session on attachment. Turned my back to him, which I haven't done in a long time. Don't even want to write about it.

Everything in me is screaming, howling to sabotage.

[spectrum-color]

Being a RotE fan is so fun because the way we talk about Fitz legit must seem to outsiders like we hate him, but we actually collectively adore him and he’s our special boy

[nsuiswitch]

every time I try to quit this stupid world of mine i end up having the most vivid dream about my paracosm that's all parts emotional and intimate and jarring and it's too bright and vivid like I can literally feel things brush up on my skin and people's laughter rumble in their chests. And I'm just supposed to get up the next morning and stay sober and be okay? Go fuck yourself

[moonlit-positivity]

Actively suicidal vs passively suicidal

Actively suicidal:

Panicked

Head swirling

Anxious

Heart beating fast

Plan in place

Writing suicide notes

Making wills for your possessions

Planning out backup methods

Researching methods

Looking for reasons to stay alive

Fear

Crying

Anxiety

Feeling hopeless

Not knowing who to call or where to go

Knives & other tools in hand

Threatening to do it

Car accidents/ drunk driving

Screaming

Calling police/ threatening suicide by cop

Involuntary commitment/psych ward hospitalizations

Feeling like there's no other choice

Feeling like nobody cares

Feeling like you're better off dead

Trauma & traumatic memories

Panic attacks

Passively suicidal:

Joking & making memes about suicide, dark humor

Self destruction like smoking cigarettes in hopes that it will slowly kill you someday

Drugs & alcohol to numb the pain

Hygiene goes to shit bc you just don't give a fuck anymore

Self sabotage & negative, abusive self talk

Self harm

Isolating

Ghosting all your friends

Eating disorders

Purposely using social media to be a jackass

Purposely using fictional characters to vent about your life

Writing fanfic about what you're going through

Disrupted sleep patterns

Angry outbursts, throwing things, repressed anger issues

Hiding behind humor, memes, jokes, sarcasm, to be the funny friend so no one thinks you're suffering

Giving support to everyone else around you bc you're nice like that but also bc you wish someone would do the same for you

Taking on too much responsibilities that don't belong to you

Falling into cycles of fawning & people pleasing and then crashing with extreme rage bc you're not being listened to or taken seriously by those around you

Developing toxic & maladaptive behaviors

Purposely neglecting health

Angry all the time

Ill tempered, bad moods, mood swings, unprocessed trauma

Dissociation ie feeling too numb

Staying in bed for prolonged periods of time

Feeling hopeless

Feeling trapped

Feeling like there's no way out

Feeling stuck

Feeling like no one cares

Not knowing where to go or how to bring it up

Not knowing if you're even valid to feel that way

The one thing in common is the intense overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, the lack of awareness, and the lack community support- because nobody ever talks about it unless you're actively seeking help.

Let's do better.

Let's open up dialogue for how to recognize, help, and better cope with the silent suffering that many of us know.

You don't have to be actively reaching for the knife in order to be suicidal.

There are so many signs that go unnoticed and overlooked, that can be caught by a simple act of connection.

"Hey, I've noticed you've been distant lately. What's on your mind?"

The problem with society is that we are too pain averse. "People complain too much! You're stuck in your head! Victim mentality! Too negative!"

In reality, allowing someone to express themselves is the best act of humanity we can allow.

Their suffering is not your responsibility. There's a difference in providing support to someone vs caretaking their depression. You cannot do the work for someone else. Draw yourself some boundaries to what you're willing to do vs what you feel is too much to help out.

But you can still listen and acknowledge that the pain is there. You can also check your own bias on this topic. Are you perpetuating harmful stereotypes against mental health and supporting loved ones during a depressive episode? Are you the type of person one can feel safe to express opinions openly and confidently with? Without needing to judge, control, give advice, or force your own opinions over someone else's autonomy and right to live their own life? It can help to adjust your expectations of what "giving support" can look like. Ask the person what they need & how you can help. You cannot "fix" another human being. We are not robots like that. All we need is patience, kindness, and a safe place to vent. Can you do that for someone?

That's all you need to do.

[larksheaven]

i’m sat on my desk chair in full night makeup and a cardigan waiting for my friends to cancel. i have this gnawing, aching feeling like i can predict what words will light up my screen next.

sorry, my friend doesn’t want to hang out as three. rain check? or the more subtle: hey, so sorry i don’t think we’re gonna go after all. i can picture it clearer than i can see myself now, sitting in this room. i can picture me, two minutes from now, putting my tail between my legs and going back to bed waiting for life to happen to me.

that’s fine, i’ll say. i was kinda tired anyway. long week and all.

she tells me she’s almost leaving and i still don’t believe it. i am sat in this chair with my back slouched. my nerves have been acting up all day. i had to film a mock video interview today, twice. i cried during both.

a firework goes off and i’m so on edge it feels like a gunshot. they hunt a lot of animals where i grew up. i think i always understood what the animals must feel. i’ve always believed something’s out to get me. usually because it has.

i should be checking my pizza isn’t burning but i’m just sat here thinking how i know this isn’t normal. i know that this is nurture, not nature, that my nurture was ostracism and closed doors. i don’t remember ever getting out. i think a part of me is still locked in there most days.

normal. a normal person would take rejection in stride. a normal person would not be frozen to this chair to begin with. a normal person would be excited to go out clubbing for the first time. (the fireworks are at it again. it’s like i can feel them in my spine). i’m meeting my friend, and her friend. that’s too many degrees of separation for my liking. i’m not used to this hands on stuff, i mean, clearly. here i am, not moving, waiting for a text to wake me up like some sleeper agent on standby.

i watch them in my head like it’s some movie, laughing behind my back, sending the text to cancel and going anyway. i see it later on their instagram story, they danced all night and had a blast while i curled under a heated blanket.

i started therapy again last week; she told me my avoidance was a maladaptive coping mechanism. i already knew that, but i acted a little surprised to make her feel like she was Doing Her Job Well. not that she was doing bad or anything, it’s just that when you spend enough time alone, you get to know your demons. calling them demons feels mean. maybe little ghosts is more apt.

the little ghosts look like me at different ages, and they all warn me with every turn i take. don’t get your hopes up too high. take a whole lot of photos, that way you won’t have got all made up for nothing. do it before they cancel, you don’t want sad eyes. you want to look like you did before it all went wrong.

i don’t mind these ghosts, though i wish i could talk back to them sometimes. i know they’re just trying to save me from what they couldn’t save themselves from. but im here now, in the end. and isn’t that nice? if you look at me you might almost think im a whole person.

i do wish i could stop feeling so guilty all the damn time. i think it’s self sabotage; i talk to myself like for some reason i’m not allowed to enjoy the full breadth of human experience. like i’m some stowaway in the back of a truck full of real people who are allowed to exist.

i just realised, maybe i should read all this to my therapist. third one in the bag, woo! i should get an award or something for all the times i’ve had my brain put into a test tube in front of me. i would read this to her, but i got a call a few days after my first session. bereavement. she’ll be off indefinitely. i know it’s nothing to do with me, but i find it morbidly funny. we were about to start emdr, an eye movement therapy to help me process something that happened ten years ago. we’re almost at that anniversary. i feel like i should get a cake, or a million or something. but nobody pats you on the back just for getting there. you just do.

i’ve psyched myself out so much that now i’m considering cancelling. i’m fantasising about my bed and not having to drive. my head likes to ruin things for me until it gets me to ruin them myself. i always think people will laugh at me, see. i think they’ll know that i’m naked underneath.

[musical-chick-13]

Who is the woman on your pfp? She looks very cute.

Ohhh, let me introduce you, my friend, to Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones, the Character Of All Time, and my FAVORITE character in any piece of media ever.

This woman is the most fascinating fictional construct I have ever encountered, and, although she is...not a good person, her struggles are so painfully real (and even, many times, relatable) that she feels the most human to me out of an entire cast of richly human, well-rounded characters. She has an extreme tangle of a bunch of different psychological issues, all of which manifest in some pretty unpalatable ways.

She gets angry and jealous, she acts out, she has an unhealthy dependence on alcohol and is part of the most intensely codependent relationship known to fiction. She feels so trapped in her womanhood due to the horrible way the society she lives in that she resents other women and has a hell of a lot of internalized misogyny. She has an over-idealized view of her parents while also having been influenced in all of the worst ways by her father. She leans on violence and cynicism and increasingly-ill-advised personal isolation as a way to try and feel some semblance of control in a dangerous, misogynistic world. She exemplifies this intersection of "being a bad person," benefiting from material financial privilege, and being incredibly sympathetic and disenfranchised. And she fully owns up to the fact that she does horrible things!! She believes that what she does is justified to survive and to prevent other people from hurting her children, but doesn't try to kid herself into thinking she's a good person; and there are not enough words in the multiverse for how much I appreciate that. She also serves as a deconstruction of the "Evil Queen" archetype, because what would push someone to act like that? How do we measure those actions against a world hell-bent on cruelty? How do we reconcile the fact that there's still a person under there, one who is also suffering and who also deserves to be viewed with humanity, just like everyone else?

And probably most significantly (for me, anyway, lol) she's an excellent example of an antagonist who is mentally ill but not Evil™ Because Of It. Her mental illness and the maladaptive things she does to cope with it (mostly by turning...just about everything she does into a desperate attempt to avoid feeling any more pain--from her violent grabs at power, to her feral protection of her children, to her alienation of most of the people around her, to her automatic and self-sabotaging distrust of pretty much anyone and everyone) simply lend context to her worldview and allow us to see why she chooses to act the way that she does. The suffering she experiences due to her mental illness is intentionally meant to be sympathetic and to humanize her. We're meant to feel for her, and the few people she trusts and/or genuinely loves (mainly, her twin brother; her children; and, eventually, her right-hand-man) are the ones who don't make a habit of calling her "mad" or treating her like she's "crazy." She still gets to affect the overall story and other major characters in significant ways, which...doesn't always happen for female antagonists or characters who are meant to be read as mentally ill. And she doesn't die prettily after two or three episodes before never being mentioned again, either!! She's an extremely important character all the way through the show. And though mental illness deeply affects her in many aspects of her life, it's not The Reason™ she's violent or hostile or dangerous. It's simply a characterization choice that helps us understand her.

I love her more than life itself. She's everything to me.

[i-never-knew-keats]

Self-sabotage is very often just a maladaptive coping mechanism, a way we give ourselves what we need without having to actually address what that need is.

The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest, 13

[sanguine-salvation]

what themes/motifs do you hope other people notice most about your character?

[ Questions for Muns - ACCEPTING! ]

Ooooh another toughie.

I try and explore a lot of themes through Viktor, but I feel like (and hope?) the strongest that come through are self-destruction and self-sabotage, loss and grief, maladaptive coping, loneliness, struggles with trauma, guilt, denial, finding purpose for better or worse, death, identity. And, in context to certain relationships and verses, lowering walls, trust, accepting kindness, and finding acceptance.

I hope that they come through and help make Viktor a little more interesting and multi-faceted! ;u; Even if they’re a nasty lil creacher who should be trapped under a laundry hamper.

[chaosdisorganized]

hi. i saw a something you shared the other day and it got me curious (obviously you dont have to answer and i really hope thiss isnt inappropriate)

what exactly is a persecutor ?

A persecutor is a kind of alter role given to parts who cause harm to the system in some way. Persecutors often hold a lot of trauma and pain, they may believe they are being helpful when in reality they're causing harm. Persecutors may lack healthy coping skills or may not understand the error of their ways. We noticed many of our persecutors either 1. Don't know any good coping skills or haven't found any that work for them 2. Believe that what they doing/saying will prepare us for more trauma or will prevent more trauma from happening 3. They believe self sabotage will keep the system safe/protect us from harm or 4. They want to ease/put an end to their pain and the systems pain.

I wanted to put in this long explanation because it's a common misconception that persecutors are bad and that's far from the truth. I understand they can be scary, some of our persecutors scare the shit out of me sometimes, but they're hurting and learned maladaptive ways to help/deal with their pain and with some of the trauma they went through I can understand why they ended up developing these harmful behaviors. At the end of the day, persecutors deserve compassion and understanding, it may be hard sometimes but with lots of work persecutors can learn to be more helpful and less harmful, they can learn to see the error in their ways and change. We still struggle a lot with ours, but just recently one, surprisingly, fronted during therapy and I think that will open the door for other persecutors to start seeking out help with our therapist. Sorry for this long ass response lol I just wanted to explain some things I guess.

[angria]

Session was mostly filling in T about the ricocheting chaos of this past week.

But, we did spend some time on what came up when I had to cancel check-in. T chuckled and said, "I told you years ago you will reach a point when you can't do check-in because you are with your honey." He did respond to what I wrote in my diary cards about feeling like he isn't taking my dysregulation seriously and that it feels invalidating when he says I won't "wither away" without check-in. Logically, yes I get it. But, it doesn't take away from still getting dysregulated. T said he may say that, but he still takes the dysregulation seriously. At the same time, he wants me to understand my life isn't just therapy.

He likened it to training wheels. There will come a time when I may not feel I need check-in. That it won't feel like "less than." Because I will have more permanence and faith in my attachment to him. Of course, my mind immediately went to sabotage. I want to go back. I want to go back to crisis after crisis, inpatients and partials and groups. It's too scary to think of being less dependent or whatever you want to call it.

I'm trying not to feed into the sabotage. Yet, at the same time, I want to go back. Regardless of how painful it was.

[musherum]

but then theres also the question of my habit of self-sabotaging with my bitchier tendencies

like ill see someone or something doing something i detest and am critical of, or being friends with someone i think is a scumbag, and ill drop everything to be a cunt about it because like, fuck it, im tired of being cutiegirl doormat. and to be fair, sometimes im right about these things! sometimes someone really is a gross scumbag! im fairly on-the-money, reasonably often, i'd like to think (common human refrain)

but ultimately, displays like that end up not resolving anything, and just making everyone be like, "wow bitch, youre a fucked little powderkeg disaster waiting to go off, whats wrong with you?" and then i end up losing friends. and for a while i feel self righteous about it, but then i realize i fucked everything up, and i really miss them, and i wish i couldve solved the situation more amicably... you can imagine it.

its one of those things where its hard for me to strike a balance, i guess. one mode of operating is assertive but leads me to ultimate isolation, while the other allows me to build interpersonal connections but is self-effacing and suffocating.

logically i should seek some kind of synthesis of the best parts of each of these. but then inevitably i end up in a situation like, where i try to respectfully and mindfully assert myself, and the same thing happens anyway. i lose friends and people start seeing me as an aggro little freak, either because i fucked up and got too elevated, or because i simply chanced upon someone who really doesnt give a shit about like, trying to understand why other people are upset. and then thatll start to drive me into one of the two maladaptive coping mechanisms - either in a fit of anger and frustration i start to drive people away again, or in a fear of fear and loneliness i go back to squashing down all of my thoughts and feelings to make myself more palatable to others.

idk how to conclude this post. its tricky, is my point, and its something ive been struggling with for a while.

[squishyslurpee]

I'm back in the thick of it.

I can't stop self sabotaging.

I am the definition of it.

And knowing that isn't enough to stop me..

That's the thing about addiction.

Self destruction that stops at nothing to continuously dress your wounds.

Sores that keep reopening because of the act itself.

Addiction doesn't care about your dreams

It doesn't care about your relationships

It doesn't care about your dignity

Addiction does what it needs to, to last just another second. Addiction takes care of business right then and there. Addiction gets your most human, evolutionary needs met. Is that love? The squeaky motor retuning for some oil to keep you running?

It's a maladaptive form of care. It is a version of love that your body knows. Toxic love. . But it is the one blueprint that worked for you at some point in your life that your body, your brain thinks is reliable.

Your body doesn't know that it's hurting you, it just knows that it worked at some point in your life.

Some point in your life, this harmful coping mechanism helped you.

Is it not love that your mind will rip through jungle shrubs with a machete to find this one resource to help you?

It is love.

But to love it back, you have to do better.

Stop letting the motors rust. You can reward the rusting motors with a regular polish instead of a regular drink.

We don't need to rely on outdated survival instincts to feel better.

Have a glass of water, a piece of bread, and probably call your therapist.

[doctorsrx]

Unraveling the Psychological Complexities of Weight Loss: Insights from DoctorsRX Medical Weight Loss Solution in USA

Introduction:

Embarking on a journey towards weight loss entails more than just modifying dietary habits and increasing physical activity. In fact, the interplay between psychological factors such as emotions, habits, and mindset plays a crucial role in determining the success of weight loss endeavors. In this comprehensive analysis, we explore the intricate relationship between psychological factors and weight loss outcomes, drawing insights from DoctorsRX, a leading medical weight loss solution provider in the USA.

Understanding Psychological Factors in Weight Loss:

Weight loss is not solely a matter of calories in versus calories out; rather, it is influenced by a myriad of psychological factors that shape individuals' behaviors, attitudes, and perceptions towards food and exercise. Here are key psychological factors that impact successful weight loss:

Emotions and Eating Behaviors: Emotions play a significant role in influencing eating behaviors, often leading to emotional eating patterns characterized by the consumption of food in response to stress, boredom, sadness, or other emotional triggers. Emotional eating can sabotage weight loss efforts by leading to overeating and the consumption of calorie-dense, comfort foods.

Habits and Behavioral Patterns: Habits and routines established over time profoundly influence dietary choices and physical activity levels. Breaking unhealthy habits, such as mindless snacking or sedentary behaviors, and replacing them with healthier alternatives is essential for sustainable weight loss.

Mindset and Self-perception: Individuals' mindset and self-perception can either facilitate or hinder weight loss progress. A positive mindset characterized by self-efficacy, resilience, and self-compassion fosters adherence to healthy behaviors and promotes long-term success. Conversely, negative self-perceptions, such as low self-esteem or feelings of failure, can undermine motivation and derail weight loss efforts.

Stress and Coping Mechanisms: Chronic stress can trigger physiological responses that promote weight gain, such as increased cortisol levels and cravings for high-calorie foods. Developing effective coping mechanisms to manage stress, such as mindfulness practices, relaxation techniques, or engaging in enjoyable activities, is vital for mitigating its impact on weight loss.

Social and Environmental Influences: Social support and environmental factors play a significant role in shaping individuals' behaviors and choices related to diet and exercise. Surrounding oneself with supportive peers, seeking accountability partners, and creating conducive environments that facilitate healthy living can enhance adherence to weight loss goals.

Analyzing the Role of Psychological Factors in Weight Loss with DoctorsRX:     

DoctorsRX recognizes the intricate interplay between psychological factors and weight loss outcomes, addressing these factors as integral components of their comprehensive medical weight loss solutions in USA. Here's how DoctorsRX analyzes and addresses psychological factors in weight loss:

Individualized Behavioral Assessments: DoctorsRX conducts thorough behavioral assessments to understand each patient's unique psychological profile, including their eating behaviors, habits, mindset, and emotional triggers. This personalized approach enables DoctorsRX to tailor treatment plans to address specific psychological barriers to weight loss.

Cognitive-behavioral Strategies: DoctorsRX employs evidence-based cognitive-behavioral strategies to help patients identify and challenge maladaptive thoughts and behaviors that impede weight loss progress. Techniques such as cognitive restructuring, goal setting, and problem-solving empower patients to develop healthier coping mechanisms and adopt sustainable lifestyle changes.

Mindfulness and Stress Management: Recognizing the impact of stress on weight loss, DoctorsRX integrates mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques into their treatment protocols. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and mindful eating, promote awareness of internal cues, reduce emotional eating, and enhance stress resilience.

Behavioral Coaching and Support: DoctorsRX provides ongoing behavioral coaching and support to help patients navigate challenges, set realistic goals, and stay motivated throughout their weight loss journey. By fostering a supportive and non-judgmental environment, DoctorsRX empowers patients to overcome psychological barriers and achieve lasting success.

Peer Support and Accountability: DoctorsRX leverages the power of peer support and accountability by connecting patients with online communities, support groups, and accountability partners. Sharing experiences, celebrating successes, and receiving encouragement from peers fosters a sense of belonging and motivation, reinforcing positive behavioral changes.

Conclusion:                                        

The road to successful weight loss is paved with psychological complexities that must be acknowledged and addressed to achieve lasting results. DoctorsRX understands the pivotal role of psychological factors in weight loss and integrates comprehensive strategies to support patients in overcoming barriers and achieving their goals. By empowering individuals to cultivate positive emotions, habits, and mindsets, DoctorsRX enables them to embark on a transformative journey towards improved health and well-being. With DoctorsRX, weight loss becomes not only a physical endeavor but a holistic pursuit of psychological empowerment and self-discovery.

[apatheticchocobar]

for my (future) therapist

some things i want to work on:

1) i got adhd everybody hates me 🎶

struggle with getting work done, focus

forgets stuff easily

procrastination

can't work without looming deadline

always regret ending up like this but don't change

unhealthy coping habits

maladaptive daydreaming

the feeling of not living upto potential

object permeance- forget about things not directly in front of me

rejection sensitive

cry very easily, if someone even slightly raises voice at me

2) tU bOlTi BhI hAi KyA 🤐

feel stuck in this persona who doesn't talk

how do i come out of this

people think i'm weird

or maybe i think that they think that

care too much about what other people think

feel like can't show true self to people

don't have anyone who thinks i'm their best friend, their first priority (except parents they don't have a choice)

3) you're insecure, don't know what for

lack self confidence, never sure of decisions i make

seek external validation

what i have achieved means nothing

insecure about weight/appearance

if i got it obviously anyone else could also have

cannot believe someone would actually want to date me

let other peoples actions affect me too much

don't stand up for myself

keep it to myself if i'm hurt, believing i don't want to cause drama

but deep down it affects me, I regret not saying it out loud

too much self deprecating humour

don't know what i even really like, who am i

always feel like a wannabe

always comparing myself with others

if i see someone better than me, try to find something wrong with them to make myself feel better

don't truly feel happy for others

daydream thinking about how it would feel if i had gotten what they got

theres nothing i'm good at

so many things i want to learn, but just don't

but are these things i really want or just because i thought they were cool or saw someone cool doing them

this weird feeling where i feel i'm better than everyone else at the same time as feeling like i'm the worst/dumbest person ever

am i a bad dancer or just nervous/insecure

don't post on instagram coz insecure

4) discipline

definitely lack discipline to follow through with my elaborate plans

self sabotage

deep down believe i'll not succeed anyway so why try

can atleast say i didn't even try that's why i failed

struggle to do basic tasks like bathing on some days

can't wake up early even if sleep early

impulsive shopping, ordering food

struggle to follow healthy diet

can't regularly exercise

can't read few pages at a time, all or nothing

keep lying to myself

5) ghost of christmas past

spend so much time thinking what could have been

what i could have done differently

change them in my daydreams to better versions

leaves me feeling empty and worthless

[banyan-philadelphia]

Connection between Self-Harm and Mental Illness: Understanding the Effects of Addiction and Mental Health

The Connection between Self-Harm and Mental Illness: Physical and Emotional Consequences

Self-harm is a complex behavior that is often associated with a mental illness. Understanding the relationship between self-harm and mental illness can help people identify and seek help. Recent research indicates that self-harm can be an expression of stress and distress related to an individual's mental health. It may also be associated with a person's inability to manage emotions, lack of self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness. In some cases, it can also be used as a form of self-punishment or self-sabotage, rather than a cry for help. Individuals who struggle with mental illness often experience high levels of stress, distress, and confusion. This can be compounded if they are unable to find effective ways of managing their emotions or distress. As a result, they may turn to self-harm to cope. Here are some of the physical and emotional consequences of self-harm associated with mental illness:

Physical injuries, such as cuts, bruises, and burns

Sleep disturbances

Lack of concentration and focus

Difficulties in relationships

Increased feelings of guilt and shame

Development of maladaptive coping strategies

It is important to note that if you are struggling with self-harm or mental illness, help is available. If you are suffering from self-harm or the symptoms of a mental illness, it is important to seek professional help to gain understanding and develop skills to manage your emotions. The article "Connection between Self-Harm and Mental Illness" provides detailed information on the connection between self-harm, mental illness, and the physical and emotional consequences. To learn more about how to get help and discuss treatment options, please visit Banyan Treatment Center's website.