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vhstown · 9 months

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super short london slang guide !!

i haven't got a scooby doo about cockney so this is mainly gonna be mle and like the way 14 year old secondary school boys talk oookay let's go (just so yk i am a londonder!!!!!)

direct things to call people (or avoid calling people)

bruv, blud, man, mate, fam (can use in replacement of a pronoun like he, she, you and i or for emphasis — "man's got a meeting, bruv!")

more on "man" it can be used in plural too — "us man" or "them man" or "you man"

my g, my guy (for referring someone you are friendly/friends with)

bossman (something you'd call a shop or business owner — "aye bossman get me the 3 wings and chips yeah")

big man (usually used in a sarcastic friendly but kind of demeaning way, the older cousin of "big guy" — "oi big man what you sayin' cuz?"

i wasnt going to put these here cause of personal preference but 😭 people are gonna use them anyway so i might as well tell you what they mean:

peng (adjective cute/pretty — "her? she's peng!")

leng (adjective hot/sexy — "rah, he's leng you know?)

nouns

ting (usually to refer to a girlfriend but can also just mean "thing"... or a knife? — "don't chat to my ting fam!")

grim (very outdated word for a promiscuous woman — "she's a grim bruv!")

skeng (gun)

shank, spinner (knife)

paper, Ps, pronounced "peas" (money)

ends (neighbourhood, area — "if i catch you in my ends yeah")

mandem (group of friends — "having a laugh at the pub with the mandem" aha)

gyaldem (group of women / female friends)

ganja (weed)

blem (cigarette)

pagan/paigon (snitch or untrustworthy person, not a super common you might wanna use "snake" or "snitch" instead)

wasteman (someone who's useless, a lowlife)

pussio/pussyo (pussy, coward)

other common words and phrases

wagwan, or "wag1" in text (what's up, what's going on)

bare (a lot — "i got bare problems with him!")

gassed (prideful, full of yourself — "im actually so gassed, man got promoted"

"and that" (instead of "and stuff" — "i got links and that")

"allow it" (let something slide — "i forgot my wallet allow it bossman")

safe (like "alright cool", or as a bye — "aight safe")

"pattern up" (fix up, get it together)

hard, tight (cool, good, though "hard" is also used in an offensive way — "bro thinks he's hard, pussio")

blam (to get shot, not actually very common to hear in my experience)

sheffed (up), shanked (to get stabbed)

ahlie (used as an interjection when in agreement with something, similar to phrase "am i lying?")

non-mle specific words i hear sometimes

thick (dumb, stupid)

clapped/tapped (ugly, weird, unattractive)

merk/murk (kill, beat up)

slag, sket (slut)

chav (used to refer to someone of the low social status, associated with violent or rude behaviour)

taking the mick, taking the piss (being annoying)

mad (means crazy obviously but people use it a lot, can have positive and negative connotations — "that's mad!")

nonce (literally means pedophile / sex offender, do what you will with it 😭)

dickhead, bellend (similar to douchebag)

wanker (used towards someone you dislike, or in a joking way)

geezer (usually to refer to an old man)

also!!!

depending on which communities are predominant in the area, words from other languages can come in / have come in

some words are common with US slang too because they share origins 😁 ain't that cool

there's a lot of influence from jamaican patois due to the history of british jamaicans in london for ex in words like "ting" or "mandem" or "wagwan" (hence why mle is sometimes referred to as "jafrican") and its not strange to hear "bomboclaat" or "bloodclaat" here either

in communities where there's muslims and arabs (especially in east london) you might hear arabic terms like "wallahi", "khalas" or "astagfirullah" (though people debate whether that's cultural appropriation or not)

south asians have also had an influence with words like "gora" or "ganja" though again this is largely area based and the impact of hinglish is also found a lot outside of london

some people have a mix of different dialects! i mainly alternate between mle and estuary (sometimes yorkshire don't ask it is very easy to pick up...)

you're not gonna hear every single word here all the time the usage varies throughout london. the way north and west londoners speak can be v different for example

uhhhh if you wanna learn properly just listen to some grime or sutn . listen to londoners speak!

for some more resources in-depth PLEASE check out these guides made by other british people ! (one and two)

ok that's it bye bye british ppl & londoners feel free to add on! it is midnight rn so ive probably missed stuff lol... dms are open in case you've got any questions or want any help :p

#vee rants #hobie brown x reader #spider punk #spider uk #hobart brown #hobie brown #hobie brown x gn!reader #british accent #london accent #potential to be edited

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writing-for-me-at-this-point · 2 years

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Obsession | Ghostface, Danny “Jed Olsen” Johnson | Dead By Daylight

Summary. the ghostface isn’t known to be gentle, but when it comes to his... obsession, he can’t seem to bring out anything other than a wicked devotion that many could only envy, even if his muse couldn’t accept it just yet.

Warnings. intimacy, suggestive material, heavy petting, yandere vibes for ghostface tbh

Reader. Female reader <3

Word Count. 1392 words

Authors Notes. another danny fic lets gooooooooooooooo, only spell check was used and i wrote this in only an hour and a half while watching house of the dragon and barely able to speak english at this point. i love commas if you couldnt tell that already lmao. enjoy!

Obsession

the state of being obsessed with someone or something.

"she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession"

an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

plural noun: obsessions

ㅡ”without obsession, life is nothing.” John Waters

There was something in the way he held you that made his grip secure, where you could feel the groove under every knuckle and the rise of his calloused skin, it was safe. It was comforting, really, if you ignored the suffocating reality that this wasn’t a choice of your own free will, and that your current situation was one that you had to become accustomed to. Large, needy hands move around you as you lay on your back, and you remain still enough for him to get comfortable on you.

His mask is shifted upwards slightly enough to see his lips, a wicked smile shows between them, and you feel a shiver up your spine as your body relaxes enough for the Ghostface to not know of your own inner turmoil's that are hidden behind your eyes and above your heart. He rests his head on your chest, face turned up into the crook of your neck and shoulder, his mask laying on the other side of your body while a killer finds comfort in your warmth- legs open and his weight crushing you in an oddly pleasant way.

He smells of leather, iron, and cologne, his hair is longer than usual, the short black tufts have now become loose curls that tickle the side of your face and neck. His scruff is starting to grow, you note, feeling it scratch your skin as he nuzzles into you further to comfort himself. He finally stills, and you let out a small sigh, giving yourself some time to shift under him for your own comfort.

He's cold, so unbelievably cold, and he saps the warmth your body created like a leech does to an open sore. Your heart picks up a bit as you feel his gaze on you, looking through the flesh and into a deeper part of yourself that even you refuse to acknowledge. His eyes aren't meeting yours, yours are closed, relaxed, and moving behind the darkness of your lids, His eyes stare into your skin, looking up, unmoving.

He’s waiting, you realize. Your hand twitches, before slowly coming up to rake your nails through his hair, a satisfied hum leaves his throat through unopened lips. But his eyes don't close. He expects more from his gaze. His muse. His lover.

Another hand, at the same pace as its successor, moves under the opened leather jacket, before finding its way under more cloth to the cool feel of his back. He isn’t a corpse, but he lacks so much warmth, you almost worry for him,

“Keep going.” He's curt, but his voice is soft, as you realize that this is Danny you're in the presence of. Your fingertips are warm, and the palm of your hand even more so, and as your dignity falls into nothing Danny finds himself pleased as you fall to him whims of your own volition.

For a killer, one who lacks a heart, who lacks every shred of humanity that is expected of a man, he finds himself at the mercy of his instinct. He’s needy, clingy, desperate for your attention. The beast that craves the screams of his victims, a ghost in the night, a monster that thrives off playing with the mind of his victims finds himself at the feet of an unwilling woman whom he can't imagine a life without.

You start to scratch at his back lightly, and his skin raises at the attention, begging for more of you, before flattening your palm to soothe the red flesh. His mind is full of static, and he presses himself into your body even more, the need to crawl into your skin becomes more and more evident as he stares into your body once again, and your anxiety spikes.

He feels how your body reacts to him, fearful, yet pleased. Hesitant, but yearning. You enjoy the attention he gives you, the feeling of knowing how you’d never be rejected by him in any way, shape, or form. Your heart and body fight your mind as you force yourself to remember the blood that stains his hands, the thrill he feels chasing down his prey, his victims, and the subsequent glee as they take their final breaths under a hunting knife as the phone line is cut.

You were never going to be one of them. He assured you that.

You were to be worshiped by him, to have your feet kissed and your body touched with love and safety, to have your needs provided for as you keep him sane by merely allowing him to be near you- to take what he needs from you.

But he also can't deny the jump of his heart when your voice quivers underneath him, or when you jump as you realize he's in the room much later than the time he entered it, the way you fight the urge to lean into him and his hands hold your face or when they grab at your hips.

He was in love with the way your skin felt against his, searing hot, as your bodies molded together in a way he can only describe as perfection. The way you style your hair to fit your face in the most pleasing manner, how you bite at your lip or cheek when thinking or absentmindedly, the way your fingers would tap against the countertops or the wheel of your car as music plays- either aloud or in your own head. Everything about you screamed at him to worship that part with every part of his being, his newfound, and unknown obsession.

He mouths at your neck while you continue to massage and scratch at his back, playing and pulling at his hair at the same time, His mind races with need as you take in a quick take of air, a broken whimper leaving your throat as he continues to mark up your neck as best as he could, his own hand coming up to your jaw, to hold your figure in place before you squirm as you usually do when in his hands.

Your senses are overwhelmed by him, the way he feels, the way his body looks laid on top of you as a mess of ebony rests just under your chin, his scent filling becoming stronger as he manages to somehow get even closer. You hear the sound of his mouth on your skin, his heavy breathing, the sounds that leave him before he slowly moves his hips into yours- leaving you pawing at his hair and skin as your own hips move to meet his.

He overwhelms you. He leaves you needy and empty, craving more of him as your mind screams to just leave him and run, but those thoughts are only pushed back further and further into your head as the emptiness and need grows more in importance at that moment.

You know he’d never hurt you, even if you asked, because he can’t bring himself to.

It brings you comfort as you fall into him, allowing your heart to open up, and he notices rather quickly.

Your body finally is able to relax, sinking into the bed under his weight, no longer fighting to keep yourself up. Allowing yourself to sigh and move your own hips against his, before you tug at his clothes in a silent beg for more and it leaves Danny feral for your need.

He grins again, wicked and delighted, teeth against your skin as you finally fall into his touch. He’d gladly lay himself bare for you, ready and waiting, watching in delight as dark eyes watch as you finally start to take what you need from him.

His obsession leaves him weak for you, open, and bare.

And it leaves you hungry, and watchful, moving to please the both of you.

It soon grows, and the obsession is a mutual agreement, of blood and kisses, with bared teeth and needy hands, playful and curious as time goes on.

It's an obsession, yes, you’ll admit that later on.

But is that so wrong?

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system-of-a-feather · 4 months

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Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

#feathers speaks #functional mulitplicity #final fusion #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #syscourse #syscourse tw #tulpacourse #tulpacourse tw #full integration #buddhism #long post

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avocado-writing · 1 year

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notes: this was so much fun!! thank you! people who ask for tltdatsib fics make my heart go 💞💓💗💕💖💘💝

pairing: aziraphale x reader x crowley

rating: T

You’re at the pub which is, secretly, one of your favourite places. There’s nothing like being surrounded by alcohol and a throng of people to make you feel just that little bit more human. To forget you’re an immortal being who death didn’t become and pretend you’re just like every other person here, enjoying a drink and the ambience.

It’s Crowley’s round so you and Aziraphale are sequestered away in your favourite booth, the one that just happened to be free when you walked in. The three of you went to go and see a play earlier so you and Aziraphale are discussing it in great detail, so totally wrapped up in your conversation that you don’t notice someone has begun to lurk.

A cleared throat jolts you both out of the moment and back to reality. A man is smiling down at you in that way English people do where it doesn’t quite reach their eyes.

“Mr Fell!” he says, enthusiastic and condescending at once, “Just the man I wanted to see. I wanted to check that you’d be voting on Friday about the council’s proposed change to parking permits?”

Aziraphale blinks, blankly. You pick up your wineglass to drain the dregs of it, and as you do whisper: “Mr Brown” just loudly enough for the angel to hear.

“Oh! Right, yes. I’m sure I’ll find time to pop along,” he lies. Mr Brown doesn’t seem to have yet clocked that your husband can be a voracious fibber when he wants to be and seems placated with this, but as he goes to leave he clocks you a bit more thoroughly, especially the way Aziraphale’s hand is perched lovingly on your knee.

“You’re a little bit young for him, aren’t you?”

The absolute brazenness of this statement knocks you for six. Aziraphale’s eyes widen, flabbergasted. All the two of you can do is sit there utterly perplexed.

“I’m sorry?” you manage to choke out. It’s not just that you’re old enough to be his great-to the power of a hundred-grandparent, but that he'd have the gall to say that sentence out loud. Brown sniffs.

“All I’m saying is–”

“Hell-o.”

Crowley’s timing is immaculate. He’s got another two bottles of Zinfandel in his hands and puts them onto your table with a decisive thunk.

“Can we help you?” If there’s one person who can make that sentence sound like fuck off, it’s Crowley. When Brown doesn’t answer Crowley raises his eyebrows expectantly.

“I was…”

“Because it seems like you’re bothering my spouses while we’re out for a drink, which wouldn’t be very neighbourly of you.”

It’s Mr Brown’s turn to look shocked now, his eyes darting between the three of you.

“Spouses?”

Crowley wiggles his fingers in front of Brown’s face, his golden wedding band shining in the low light of the pub.

“Yes, plural. Now, unless you have anything to add to our conversation – which I highly doubt – I think you ought to scuttle back to your little carpet store and remove your nose from other peoples’ business, don’t you?”

Sufficiently cowed, Brown quickly makes his exit with his tail between his legs. Crowley looks over to the pair of you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just a bit taken aback,” you confess. Aziraphale squeezes your knee.

“Thank you, Crowley,” he says, before turning to you, “I’m so sorry love, I didn’t–”

“Aziraphale, love, there’s nothing to apologise for. I can’t believe that just happened.” You let Crowley top your glass up, take a drink, and then muse: “He is a bit right though.”

“What?”

“Well, I’m, what, two thousand years old? Ish? And you both must be at least six thousand. I suppose you are cradle snatchers.”

They choke on their wine, and you laugh.

taglist: @angiestopit @dazed-soul @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster @lxsm2 @clarina04 @wtfhasmy-lifecometo @mrgatotortuga @wereallbrokenangels @silcosmoke @kimqueenofhell @chewbrry @night-affiliate @bajablast23 @h3k3t @am-i-obsessed---maybe

#ineffable husbands x reader #good omens x reader #aziraphale x reader x crowley #Request #fic: the light the dark and the spaces inbetween

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sawyer-is-eepy · 3 months

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"they're invading our spaces!" cause your spaces are fucking poser bullshit.

you cant come into our inclusive tags and spread hateful shit and then get upset when people call you out for having a "punk" tag that goes against what actual punk is.

comparing us coming into your tags to give you all a reality check to you coming into our tags to be actively hateful because "endos arent real so why should we care about their spaces" is ridiculous.

honestly go whine about it. real punks support plurality in all its forms.

STOP BEING UPSET ABOUT SHIT BACKED BY SCIENCE AND GO FIGHT CAPITALISM OR SOMETHING IDK BE PRODUCTIVE INSTEAD OF WHINING ABOUT YOUR POOR LITTLE ECHO CHAMBER OF UNSCIENTIFIC BULLSHIT AND HARASSMENT.

real punks are anti-conformity. real punks are cool. yall arent real punks if you dont support endos, BY DEFINITION.

so yeah we're gonna call you out on that. sorry man.

#plural punk #real punk #pluralpunk #systempunk #syspunk #punks protect endos #endogenic punks #inclusion is punk as hell #exclusion is not #syscourse #sawyer is a syscourser

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moon-swag-tourney · 1 year

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The Final Match

Propaganda below!

Usagi Tsukino / Sailor Moon

In the name of the moon she'll punish you

SHE IS THE ONE! SAILOR MOON!

Fights for love and justice, the quintessential magical girl

IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, SHE WILL PUNISH YOU!

She is the Moon Princess. "In the name of the moon, I'll punish you!"

She's Sailor MOON. Of the moon, in the sky.

I love her

she is simply iconique …. the pretty guardian who fights for love and justice … princess of the moon deeply in love with humanity … also id be kinda mad if some kind of magical girl didnt win this tournament

Possibly the most iconic moon themed character in existence

Moon Knight

Moon Knight is an underrated character who's been around since the mid-70's, but has only recently gotten the more attention he deserves since the Disney+ adaptation. However, I am a firm comics supremacy believer and can attest he is even cooler in the comics. The current run (Moon Knight 2021) is the best he's been written in quite some time for example, as it's friendly to veteran fans and new fans alike!

Moon Knight is not your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man; he will fuck you up if you deserve it, and benefits from the fact that many villains are terrified of him.

Moon Knight is canonically Jewish, and though he is non-practising, it plays a major part in his story and identity.

It's also worth noting that Moon Knight has DID, with three identities: Marc Spector (host), Steven Grant, and Jake Lockley.

He's such an interesting and compelling character. The comics have spawned countless hilarious memes (I know you're here Dracula you big nerd wheres my money; random bullshit go; etc). The show was amazing, and Oscar Isaac acted his ass off

They are so cool; they're both canonically Jewish and have DID

One of the most unique superheroes out there due to being plural. Really cool, too.

I love him, your honor. I'd like to say more but the truth is I only watched the show and I will leave the propaganda to comics fans.

#final round #usagi tsukino #sailor moon #moon knight #marvel #poll #moon poll #finale

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aether-amalgam-system · 3 months

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Look man, it’s time to stop being palatable for fakeclaimers and singlets who might think being a system is “weird”. It is weird! And that’s cool and ok! Being “weird” is honestly a stupid label (and a little ableist if we’re being honest here, sincerely a weird AKA autistic kid)

Shoutout to systems with so many fucking introjects. Like. So many. Holy shit. There are guys in there /pos

Shoutout to systems that have “themes” or are aesthetic with their profiles, blogs, simply plurals, or anything of that sort!

Shoutout to systems who are autistic/ADHD/other forms of neurodivergent! Man it’s rough out here /lh

Shoutout to systems who are queer! Whether it be your sexuality or gender identity, you’re rad as fuck and valid as fuck! (Special shoutout to systems who have trauma from growing up queer, I see you and love you /p)

Shoutout to systems, speaking of being queer, who use neopronouns or hoard MOGAI genders! Thats so cool, we have people like that too!

Shoutout to weird systems! Dont let people tell you what you can/can’t do, especially if they label it as “weird”! Fuck being “normal”! Be weird!

Endos fuck off this isn’t for you lmao

#aether amalgam #did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #syspunk #systempunk #endos dni

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candyskiez · 4 months

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I like hearing ppl infodump n u seem like a cool bean. would u be willing to talk abt shou from mp100(?) a bit with just a lil context added in for someone who only has a passing familiarity with the show. side note: plural mob be based

SLAMS DOWN ON TABLE. Before I get into this I want to say this is not a Serizawa hate post. Because I am reading what I wrote and it sounds like it at points. It is not. I was writing what I think Shou feels about him. I love Serizawa and I love them being friends, this is me talking about Shou having complicated feelings about his trauma. Okay? Okay.

Okay okay so. Shou is the son of a guy who tried to take over the world, and his entire life was spent trying to stop him. And then someone did. Someone stopped Claw. His dad got locked up. And Shous whole life had been built around trying to stop him, he had zero time for anything else other than occasionally visiting his mom (who left when he was a kid. We don't know what happened. We don't know if she tried to take Shou with or not. All we know is that Shou kept her presence hidden from his dad. We don't know how Shou feels about his mom or if he lives with her after his dad gets locked up. We know he had adults who were also rebelling in claw (the organization his dad ran), and he seemed to trust them a lot. I like to imagine they're a weird family and like. I imagine there's some Shit there. I like to imagine at least one of them was kinda giving up on everything, not really caring one way or another about what happened to everyone because they're just. Done. But then this wide eyed idealist of a kid comes by and he wants to stop his dad, holy shit the boss has a kid, and the kid is taking all this on himself. Maybe they didn't think they could fix anything but they had to save this kid. Did they believe Toichiro could be stopped at all? What were they like? We don't know much about them. How many of them were just in it to protect the kid? In hopes that maybe that idealistic, weird little boy that stumbled over to them would come out of this still a good person? God. I'm sorry I'm emo about found family. Don't mind me.

And I'm just. Okay. Okay. I think so much about how we get to know what other claw members are up to after everything, but...not Shou. Besides in fan books and stage plays, we uh. We got very little. And that makes him very interesting to analyze.

I just. Always think about how Serizawa stopped Shou from hurting Toichiro and how Serizawa got a happier life. Does Shou ever resent Serizawa? I think so much about their potential claw dynamic. Maybe he was one of the few who was kind to him, but was so disgustingly *loyal* to his dad it made him feel sick to look at. Serizawa would bring him snacks if he looked upset but would always respond to any criticisms of his father with the same unwavering Faith in him. Serizawa would comfort him after he lost a training session, Serizawa shielded the man who hurt him the most. Serizawa was a victim, Serizawa turned a blind eye to him. He needed to save Serizawa, and Serizawa never saved him. Did he feel responsible for Serizawa?

I think he felt like it was his responsibility as Toichiro's son to be the one to stop him. He needed to save everyone. He needed to make things right. He wanted his dad to go back to being who he was before things got really bad. I feel like. At first, Toichiro was an okay dad. And that's why it hurt so bad when everything went to shit and he started being so fucking horrible. Because Shou knew he was fully fucking capable of not sucking and he CHOSE to treat them like this anyway. He couldn't recognize him. He was a stranger with his dad's face and he had no idea what he did. Did he ever think if he could just fix Toichiro his mom would come back? Everything would go back to normal if he could just make Toichiro be a good person again? How long did that thought last?

I just. I always think about how aimless Shou strikes me as being the few times we see him in season three. He doesn't know what to do now. He had this whole purpose and plan. And then it didn't work. He didn't stop his dad. Mob did. His dad's alive. His dad changed his mind, but he's arrested. His mom and dad aren't together. Everything feels like it's tied up in a neat little bow for everyone except for Shou.

Of course we know that's not the case, but Shou doesn't know. Shou doesn't know that Serizawa was fucking panicked about disobeying Reigen even when their lives depended on it, Shou doesn't know that Mob's haunted by that battle. So from his eyes, it's very likely that he thinks he's the only one who hasn't moved on.

He goes from being always so dramatic sounding in all his lines in s1 and 2 to in season three just sounding...so much less? I don't know how to describe it. He sounds so much less...well. Everything was over for him, y'know? He built his whole life around carefully avoiding his dad and saving everyone and being the hero and then. Everything's done, and he didn't have a plan for what he'd do after. It all seemed like the end of Everything, and that'd be it! Nothing after that. But it's all over and he still has to live. Now what? Now what does he do?

How is Serizawa a functioning adult with a JOB now? Minegeshi joined when they were a teenager, how are they just...okay now? How did everyone, EVERYONE else get to move on, but Shou couldn't? Everyone else got their nice little ending, and Shou has nowhere to go. Does he tell his mom everything? That his dad tried to kill him but suddenly decided fine okay murder is wrong now, not soon enough to never have done that to him? Does he ask if he can stay with her? Will his lackeys want anything to do with him? Will Ritsu Everything's done and nothing's over, not for Shou, but everyone just fucking moved on. Everyone seems to be a better person than him now. Everyone seems to be fine in a way Shou just isn't.

Not to get back on my Shou and Serizawa bullshit but. Do you ever think about Shou seeing him again. And having no fucking clue what to think. Serizawa is just ...fine now. Suddenly he's no longer the guy who trailed after his dad and did horrible things for his dad without a THOUGHT. Suddenly he's smart and responsible now. Suddenly he's soooo good now. Where was all that when he needed it? Where was this functional, kind guy when he was TWELVE and trying to stop fucking terrorists. Where was this guy he would've done ANYTHING to have on his side when he was trying to save everyone from the man who raised him. Where was he. Why did he change now. Why had EVERYONE changed now. Why was Minegeshi trying for Mob, not Shou. Why was Serizawa trying for Mob, not Shou. Why was Toichiro trying for Mob, not Shou. Why didn't he MATTER. Why had NO ONE cared that he was in hell, that he wanted things to be okay. What's that one line. "If [Serizawa/Toichiro] has truly changed, it means he was ALWAYS capable of change. It means that I just wasn't worth changing for." And like. Objectively that's not what happened, objectively there were other factors and Serizawa and Toichiro are on very different levels, but Shou is like. Barely thirteen. He's BARELY thirteen. He is a child and all he's gonna see is that nobody cared when he needed them to. And now he's lost and has no idea what to do and everyone's just fine. Like he didn't almost die. Like his dad didn't try to kill him. Like he wasn't in hell for twelve goddamn years. Like he hadn't tried to save everyone. He's thirteen. He's not handling this well.

I feel like he just. Has no clue how to be normal. He doesn't know who he is now. He doesn't know what to do. His whole life orbited around stopping his dad and now his dad is different and locked up and he can't see him all the time, and things were so much worse back then so why does everything feel worse now. He doesn't know who he is now. He doesn't know what he wants now. I think so much about he says hes never using his powers again. Is he just trying SO hard to be normal. That's what he decided he wants now. He wants to be a normal kid who has friends and that's the only way to do it. He didn't have a Reigen in his life who'd tell him like he told Mob that powers are just another attribute. Maybe one day he'll talk to his lackeys, and maybe they'll hold him and tell him that that's his choice but that his powers aren't a curse or a weapon, they're just a *trait.* Or maybe he won't. I don't know. It's just so fucking. God. Shou, man. Shou.

Maybe one day he comes to spirits and such for Ritsu and sees Serizawa. Maybe they fight. Maybe they don't. Maybe they'll talk. It's just. God. Shou has so many loose ends in his life. Is he just trying to leave claw behind by never using his powers again, like he might think everyone else did? He went from "I need to save the world" to "I need to be a normal person." Did he shave his hair to look normal or did he shave it after he had a long talk with a friend that made him reevaluate things. What happened to him. If he has the spirits and such crew still, maybe he'll end up realizing that his powers are just another part of him. Maybe he'll realize they're not a curse or another thing his dad shoved on him. God. Aughhh. Sorry for being ill about Shou and possibly ooc about him but. Aughh.

Once again this is not an anti Serizawa post. I love Serizawa. Shou however probably has some Issues and I like to address them and try to give him more closure. Because I love him. Again, sorry if this is ooc, I'm still trying to get a grasp on him. If anyone who has a better grasp on him wants to add anything PLEASE let me know. I do not fully understand this guy yet but I would love to try to

#mp100 #mp100 spoilers #shou suzuki #suzuki shou #shou and serizawa tag #join me in my shou has complicated feelings on serizawa agenda #and also shou has complicated feelings on mob agenda #and shou has complicated feelings on toichiro agenda #tw abuse #candyskiez asks #candy meta

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pikkish · 28 days

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I'm new to the fandom, just played 2016 and Eternal in quick succession. Eternal's DLC left me really dissatisfied, but I can't really explain why or how. Based on that poll you made, it's clear you've got some Opinions on the writing, so I was hoping you would like to share them? I feel like I need someone to mull over that whole story with. You can message me privately if you wish!!

Hi there! Welcome to the Doom fandom! I hope you enjoy your stay here more than you enjoyed TAG's writing! And you're more than welcome to come yell with me about Doom and its related games any time!

You're more than correct in your assertion that I have some Opinions about modern Doom's writing, in fact, I have quite a few of them. Most of them can be summed up as "the writing is just plain bad," which is probably also the reason you're unsatisfied with it. It's inconsistent, it regularly sacrifices coherence for the sake of something that looks cool for trailer shots, it has a lot of details that very much could be interesting plots but are simply ignored after their first mention, and at least a few more things that I'm forgetting, it's been a little bit since my last playthrough of TAG and these are just the major ones off the top of my head.

Take Hayden, for example. In 2016, he's the classic egotistical, powerful CEO of a major weapons industry, who maybe didn't necessarily intend to get a ton of people killed, but now that he has, he's gonna stick to his guns and insist he's still in the right, this was an unfortunate accident, but what he's doing is necessary, for the good of humanity, can't you see? He's the good guy! He's just trying to make things better! And he's dedicated to this course well enough that he's willing to betray the man who's there to save him, and boot Doomguy back into Hell at the end of 2016.

Then you get to Eternal, and he's inexplicably changed his mind for no good reason? And it's not like he's learned his lesson and has become more humble for it; sure, he got his rear handed to him by demons, and he emphatically states that the creation of Argent Energy is an "unholy union" that "cannot continue," but at the same time, he still acts constantly like he has everything under control and heavily implies that, were he in charge, this situation wouldn't be so bad- as if he weren't in charge when it got this bad. It's like they wanted him to have the exact same attitude (and therefore, ability to deliver dramatic voicelines) as in 2016, but didn't want to commit to him being a villain, so they just went "ok! he doesn't like Argent Energy any more," and went with it, then never felt the need to explain how or why this complete shift in attitude came about. As a result, it feels like Hayden has no clear motive or goals, and falls pretty flat as a character in general.

And then, to take it into TAG, there's the Seraphim, and don't even get me started on how much I hate that that's his name, "seraphim" is the PLURAL form of "seraph," it's like how "Guy" is a real name but then if they decided to name a character "Guys" instead, and it drives me crazy-- whom they go to some lengths to confirm is, in fact, the same person as Hayden, but then, despite the fact that Samur is sick and dying from the moment you revive him, for some reason, Hayden has to turn back into Samur. I suppose there's maybe some indication that Samur and Hayden are actually different people implied by Hayden referring to the Seraphim in the third person through the beginning of the Atlantica level, but there's still never any explanation given for that, whether they are or aren't the same person, or why you need to bring Samur back in Hayden's place.

And then, you beat Samur up, and guess what? He immediately stops being relevant to the plot and is almost completely forgotten. And that's a recurring theme in modern Doom! Olivia Pierce and the Khan Maykr both share the same fate, the moment they're dead, they practically just stop existing. Sure, there's the statue of Olivia in Nekravol, and, like, a single mention of the Khan in one of TAG's codices, if I remember correctly, but personally, to me, both of those feel more like the devs giving you a wink and a nudge and saying "haha hey, remember them?" like it's more of an Easter Egg than them actually having any significance.

And then there's the whole mess that is Davoth. Admittedly, having the Divinity Machine be fueled by his power, and Doomguy being enhanced by that power is thematically appropriate, what with the whole reason Doomguy wins being that he's even angrier than Hell. I also think something like the Divinity Machine and Dooomguy becoming superhuman did have to happen eventually, because how many times can one man singlehandedly beat back the whole of Hell itself before he stops being just some guy? But I don't think it was executed very well.

For one thing, I don't think it was a good move to imply that Doomguy always was some sort of pseudo-god super entity right from the start. Sure, like I said, he did inevitably have to stop being just some guy, but him being just some guy was a good bit of the charm of classic Doom in my opinion. All we knew about him was that he loved his pet rabbit, and was more willing to punch his commanding officer in the face than follow an order to shoot civilians. And yeah, if you take that, and also assume that the story cards are Doomguy's own internal monologue or at least a representation of his attitude, then you can't really say he was ever a blank slate character, but he was still just some guy, and he was relatable for that. And going "well, actually, he was a godling from the very beginning" just doesn't feel very good in my opinion, and feels like a big retcon besides. (And we'll get to more "well, ACTUALLY" stuff in a bit, but first I wanna finish up the tangentially Davoth related stuff first.)

All that aside, if we take it at face value and say sure, Doomguy was always something a little more than human, always destined to become the ultimate warrior, rather than making himself into the Doom Slayer by surviving Hell, then there's still not really any reason for Davoth to have looked exactly like him, beyond going "you-- but EVIL!!" for the drama of it. I think there was maybe one codex entry that says Davoth's whole soul-stealing operation was for the sake of providing his own people with immortality, which is to say, he was fighting to protect his home or something to that effect, so an argument could be made that his looking like Doomguy is an attempt at exploring "this is you, gone too far, this is you if you ever let go of your morals, this is everything you risk becoming," but, again, it's mentioned like... once, in one codex, and never explored or elaborated upon further. If I remember correctly, Davoth himself never even acknowledges this, it's just the codex entry, and he just goes on about how he'll kill Doomguy and destroy everything he ever loved. If they really wanted to make him a sympathetic villain like that, then they should've actually given us the opportunity to feel that sympathy for him. Let me see the people he's trying to protect- is it an idyllic paradise, oblivious to the lengths being gone to to keep them comfortable? A broken, dying people who should have gone extinct long ago, but for this thievery of the lives of others? I know Hell is supposed to be Jekkad, corrupted, and even in theory, that's fine- you could say Davoth's become so ruthless in pursuit of this immortality for his people that he's blinded himself to how it's also destroyed that which he was attempting to save- but you can't really see that. It's still just Hell, not really any sort of remnant of something worth saving.

And speaking of that. Trying to make Davoth a sympathetic villain at all feels like a bad choice to me. Doom is about fighting demons, about carving a bloody war path through the ultimate evil of Hell itself, and about feeling viciously satisfied about doing it. Making it about a desperate man who can't accept that he failed to save what he cared about, and making about killing that man before he does any more damage in attempting to do what he's already failed to do just doesn't feel good the way the rest of Doom does. And beyond that, TAG doesn't even succeed in the emotional gut punch that would come from it, had they managed to make Davoth into an actually sympathetic villain. It's like they're trying to strike a balance between the gratuitously violent and exhiliratingly triumphant feel that Doom is known for, and an emotionally impactful story, and as a result, both end up landing somewhere between mediocre and just plain bad.

I don't have a good segue into this bit except to say it's coming back to the "well, ACTUALLY," thing I mentioned earlier, which is: there are a lot of parts that feel a lot like a six year old kid is just making up the plot on the spot, like, for example, "Doomguy LAUNCHES himself out of a CANNON and he has a MAGIC SWORD and a PET DRAGON that carries him to the MAGIC CRYSTAL in the MIDDLE of the PLANET." Granted, these ones are pretty small and relatively inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, and, yeah, okay, they do look pretty cool. But they don't really... fit? Yeah, it's not like classic Doom didn't have this too, In Doom I alone, Doomguy gets pissed about not getting a reward for beating up the barons, practically just jumps off the side of Deimos, and then finally gets to go home when a secret teleporter just opens beside him after Hell decides he's "too tough" for it. But that all fits in classic Doom, because it's not trying to be a serious, grimdark story. Classic Doom is goofy, and it knows it, and it doesn't try to be anything else. But modern Doom tries so hard to be a very serious, dramatic story and also keep the sillier bits of classic Doom, and- yeah, okay, I already made this point once, but here it is again- it ultimately kinda fails at both as a result.

But then there's the bigger of these, namely VEGA. You spend the majority of both 2016 and Eternal with him as your main companion, and, as far as I can remember, there's never really anything to indicate that he's anything other than what he's introduced as, a sentient AI, created to help manage the Mars base. And then you get to the end of Eternal, and- after basically making you sacrifice him for a second time- with next to no buildup, go, "well actually, he's the god of the bad guys." And I'd complain about that plot thread also being brought up and then dropped with no further elaboration, except they do elaborate on it, and that's basically all that TAG is about. They spend the whole of TAG 1 telling you how VEGA is the god of Literally Everything, and how he made Davoth, then didn't kill him when he started to get out of hand, and aren't you MAD at him, for making all your problems, for being too merciful with his own creation that he loved, and don't you just wanna DESTROY the thing that would give him power again?

And then you get to TAG 2 and they spend the whole time going "WELL ACTUALLY it's DAVOTH who's god and VEGA STILL couldn't kill him and he's been LYING to you this ENTIRE TIME." It almost feels to me like a bad fandom interpretation to justify not liking a character, except worse because they're actually the ones who made the character and wrote the story, and I'm not entirely sure why they intentionally tried to make VEGA a helpful, likeable character, gave him a backstory that arguably makes him more sympathetic than Davoth, and then went "actually we hate him now and are gonna do everything we can to try to make you hate him too."

There are definitely more things I could bring up, like whatever the whole deal with the wraiths and the World Spear is, and probably a handful of other things I'm forgetting, too, but it's getting late and I gotta get up to go to work tomorrow. At any rate, thanks for stopping by and giving me an excuse to finally yell about these things! Feel free to stop by and chat with me about video games whenever you want, I love getting to hear other people's thoughts on these things just as much as I love getting to give my own.

#doom #pikspeak #bideogaem rambling :)#id say i wonder why i still love these games but i do in fact know the answer to that #and its because they still have excellent gameplay #and because i am hopelessly attracted to characters that are exceptionally powerful and violently angry but still #put everything they are and everything theyre capable of to doing good and protecting people #and- provided they dont make some HORRENDOUSLY bad decision when the dark ages comes out- doom is still the epitome of that character type #though tbh i dont think im too incredibly worried about them screwing up THAT badly #this is still id software after all; one of their biggest three franchises is the series all about beating up fascists #anyway quick reminder that it is ok to criticize things you like and that you can still like a thing while picking out its flaws #ok thats all i think. im going to bed. goodnight!

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sirenofthegreenbanks · 3 months

Note

🐞🦗🪳

hehe someone stepped into my trap mwahaha

🪳 recommend a great AU!

falling til four in the morning by phnelt. MDZS, The Untamed, modern au, wangxian, T. 90s AU where lan zhan and wei ying meet through analog media. its been a while since i read it but i have a weakness for analog media, especially tapes, and these things really get to shine here.

widow‘s weeds by travelingneuritis. MDZS, The Untamed, modern cultivation, wangxian, wlw, comphet, E. very fun AU about wei wuxian being engaged to jin guangyao, and lan wangji, the landscape gardener wei wuxian hired for her wedding, suspecting that wei wuxian has been killing her former husbands (plural). jin guangyao has only a small role here but i liked how the author has written him and his incidental cahooting with wei wuxian!

but the wind keeps blowing by morwen. WOH pre-canon/canon divergence, wenzhou, amnesia, ghost valley, M. a man without a name wakes up in a place without a yesterday. on his travels to find out who he is, he picks up two interesting companions with their own agendas. a really cool stab at zhou zishu’s and wen kexing’s and gu xiang's pre-canon selves, and a look at how wen kexing‘s coup for the throne of ghost valley might have been like, now with zhou zishu thrown into the mix. i especially loved how the department of the unfaithful plays into this. this fic is written in german!

the remains of summer by nirenhuang. WOH modern AU, wenzhou, fluff, T. zhou zishu and wen kexing are students in the Berlin of 1920-30. this is a bilingual fic (german, english). due to the time this is set in, some of the places that show up here dont exist anymore, they were destroyed during the third reich or ww2. i loved how the author interweaves these aspects and creates this rich tapestry of culture, identity, language, queerness, and finding your crowd, in the years just before hitler comes into power. (politics have no impact, though.) this is a rewrite of a similar fic by the same author in mandarin, and there is a sequel! predominantly written in english with some german phrases!

🐞 recommend a favourite fic or several from one of your friends OR a fic author you really look up to!

how to be ravenous by caffeineaddict94. WOH modern au, Ride or Die AU, wenzhou, wlw, E. zhou zishu and wen kexing reunite after years of not speaking with each other. their complex relationship is unravelled over the course of wen kexing comitting murder for zhou zishu and their subsequent escape from the authorites. a story about want and yearning and these hidden things lodged deep inside that even if u dont acknowledge them, still have the power to ruin your life—or change it for the better.

one of the moments i cant stop thinking about:

Her fingers fit perfectly around Zishu‘s throat, right against her windpipe. Zishu studies Kexing‘s flushed face and vicious eyes with no reservations. Serenity washes over her like a deep ocean as her pulse beats rabbit quick beneath Kexing‘s fingertips. “You didn’t have to get my hopes up,” Kexing seethes, grip tightening just enough to make it difficult to swallow. “I was over all of it. I was over you but you had to pop up again, you selfish asshole!” “Kill me then.” That throws Kexing off balance.

written by my wonderful, talented friend!!!! read it!!!! if u want to feel, like, a little gutted!!! for fun!!! read it!!!

🦗 recommend any fic, wild card!

so pretty but your heart‘s got teeth by livinginaworldofnoise. WOH modern au, wenzhou, crack, G. zhou zishu‘s terrible and chaotic neighbour wen kexing devises a masterful plan to woe zhou zishu, much to zhou zishu‘s chagrin. that plan includes feral kittens and lots of atrocious ignorance of boundaries. nothing at all goes wrong (lie). i reread this one recently and it was great :D

bug me for fic recs!!!!!! seriously im begging u

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himbos-hotline · 7 months

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hi!! hihi I just wanted to say i commented on your fic yesterday too but you’ve fully rotted my brain with kenny as a did system (from one system to another, it’s hard to find good plural hcs for characters :/) so if you wanted to share any hcs or anything here that’d be so cool!!! :3

OKay okay so like!! I am also filled with brainrot

And when I tell yolu that I am totally right about kenny omega having DiD I mean I am competely right! For those that don't know what DiD is it stands for dissoctive identity disorder [formally known as MPD or mutiple personality disorder] affects about 1.5% of the population and its an trauma disorder formed during the early childhood stage [between 2-7 years old.] It is regularly caused by any cause of severe trauma [sexual/emotional/physical ect] combinded with the obvious stress that going through that stuff causes. Extreme childhood trauma causes the brain to fracture before the child can gain and/or form a connected sense of self being, this disconnect continues and every part of distinct "personality" becomes more and more disconnected and dissociated and slowly start to form their own existence and behaviour, thus becoming "parts" or "alters" or "headmates" that exist to protect the child as they grow and go through trauma rather than the child going through said trauma alone.

MPD was renamed DID in 1994 since it is a dissociative disorder [as well as a posttraumatic stress disorder] instead of a personality disorder. DID is often catagorised/explained as

(image description: A screenshot from a website that reads:"it is a disorder characterized by the presence of two or more identities or personality states that recurrently take control of the individual's behavior accompanied by an inability to remember important personal information … it is a disorder characterized by identity fragmentation rather than a proliferation of separate personalities")

Alters can take different forms, introjects [alters based on media- yes this can also mean real people], non human alters [things like animals, based on objects, demons and angels - this is common in DID systems since a lot of us that I have interacted with have religious trauma /told we were possessed]. anything really. Alters normally form for a job [for example, Hangman in our system is a caretaker, meaning they exist to take care of the body/headspace. Kenny in our system is a companion, which means he exists to be a friend] Switching [mostly involentary changing from alter to alter] can cause amnesia and theres three types of dissocitive anmenia:

Localized: meaning you cannot remember specific events, times, places

Selective: you can't details/events of a specific timeframe

Generalized: This is the least common type. You can’t remember anything about your identity and life history.

So how is it diagnosed and how does it relate to one Kenneth Omega? well looking at the DSM-5:

Two or more distinct identities or personality states are present, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self.

This is probably the most strongest bit of evidence with Kenny having DID. Theres him; Kenny omega. the bright blue eyed, blond haired, dorky smile kenny who sings tina turner and drinks from bottles weirdly and wears onesies. The kenny we see during the early BTE, the days in DDT, vaguely around the same time with his early tagteam with Hangman. You know Kenny omega! we LOVE kenny omega!

And then we have the cleaner. That dark, evil hurtful one who doesnt care about anyone or anything just winning. that heartless, cold man who wears Kennys skin like a cloak. The first real time we see the cleaner [at least, in my opinion. and since this is my headcanon, my opinion is law /lh j] is just after Kota moves up to the heavyweight devision, leaving Kenny alone. He instantly turns into that coldhearted, empty soulless almsot killing machine whose so addicted to winning because thats the only thing that shows that he exists. With his black dyed curls and dark sunglasses and wild eyes. Theres, no Kenny omega left. Only the cleaner. Goofey in a way thats soulless, kind in a way thats manipultive.

If you need any proof that Kenny fucking LOOSES it before him and Kota reuinite. Just look at his eyes after he betrays AJ styles to become the leader of bullet club because theyre totally normal [lying through my teeth]

Also just this moment right after the formation of the elite, Kenny being the first one to drop the two sweet, almost like somethings just switch off in his body, the half open eyes. The twisted smile that looks almost like hes in pain? yeah...

Amnesia must occur, defined as gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events.

There isnt much like,. spoken about evidence about this at least what I can recall off the top of my head. Theres a few little bits where Kenny doesn't seem to recognise or remember bits about himself, his friends. The moment that I can remember off the top of my head, that makes me feel a little insane. If when Kenny and Hangman get their first wrestling figures. Kenny asks if Hangers figure has his "baby blues" to which Hanger replies "my eyes are green." Sure it could just be a little slip of his tongue, Kenny wrapped up too much in the excitement of having hi8s own little figure. But him and Hangman have known each other for *years* at this point. Wouldnt kenny remember something as trivial as hangmans eye colour? especially when hes right in front of him.

The person must be distressed by the disorder or have trouble functioning in one or more major life areas because of the disorder.

*agressively gestures at kenny omega* you think tha man functions?!

okay thats a little mean, and painfully honest. But I could go more deeper into this and I might because I do in fact, have problems when it comes to thinking about Kenny Omega. But theres two places where Kenny fails at existing and functioning. And thats his own health and relationships. We all know about his fucked up relationship with Kota Ibushi, its documented in enough essays and video essays and enough fanfic to not only sink a battleship but to also keep me awake at night. But the one I really wanna focus on because [suprise suprise, the hangkenny shipper wants to focus on hangkenny] i think its the biggest showing of his inability of function with relationships is his one with Hangman page:

Its..rocky to say the best, lowkey controlling at worse. and neither of them are really to blame. Kenny is struggling with the constant fighting between Hangman and the Bucks. Especially in this video [big thanks to @jacedoe Mars ily so much!!] Where the bucks are fighting over him with hangman and Kenny is litearlly being pulled from pillar to post. Not sure who to go to, much like a child dragged from parent to parent in a divorce. And you see him go from, midly tired and aching to upset and unable to control his emotions but at the same time so emotionally shut down that he just walks away after hugging the bucks.

Kennys relationships, romantic or otherwise shift and change so quickly that its almost like, he doesnt want to be loved, doesnt get it and thats exactly what it is, I personally think Kenny doesnt understand what love IS. He doesnt know what its really meant to feel like, like deep down hes never sure what it is. Hes never had it as a child.

AKA growing up with Don Callis, he mentions in his promo during all in that Don made him only focus on hockey, never having a birthday party/never being allowed to keep friends. that sounds like phycological/mental abuse to me. It sounds like mental abuse because it is. One of the most common malipulation practices for mental abuse is seperating people from anyone who can help them or see that its wrong. Now look at just how many times the Bucks have tried to show Kenny that Don is a peice of shit or that Jericho is only using kenny for his own uses before Kenny can be thrown away.

Callis also constantly putting Kenny down is also a sign of mental abuse. The half jokes when he smiles and pats Kenny on the shoulders afterwards why he just sits there...tell me thats not abuse.

The biggest, showing of the fact that Kenny went through abuse because of Don is the "vitimans." an uncessary and more then likely uncomfortable and invasive procedure on a child while Kenny hopes that itll bring him a little scrap of love? Its all a part of dons plan to keep kenny in the public eye but ulimately his.

what im saying is Kenny omega growing up with don callis, suffered horiffic mental and physical abuse [weve seen him hit Takeshita, so kenny would be no different] and thats impacted his ability to form and make relationships.

The disturbance is not part of normal cultural or religious practices.

I have nothing for this point, not knowing Kenny yknow. personally.

The symptoms cannot be due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (such as blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (such as complex partial seizures).

Kenny doesnt drink or suffer from any blackouts as far as we know nothing worse than vertigo. again this is only that we know so like, I could be wrong

also just, this tweet from Kota, because who knows kenneth better than his golden lover?

[disclaimer: this is only distinctly talking about kayfabe. This headcanon isnt law and its all for fun, please dont send me hate asks.]

#kenny omega #plural system #dissociative identity disorder #mouse writes #wheres the essay op

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princessamericachavez · 1 year

Text

The waking up, having forgotten and remembering the full extent of what forever is

6x17 Spec (AO3)

“Okay, so, a couple years ago, we were responding to a call and then he got... he got shot, right in front of me... in the middle of the street... and out of nowhere, he almost died.” “So he had his very own brush with death,” Natalia’s eyebrows arch. “Cool.”

“Hey, are you alright?” Natalia asks, snapping Buck back to reality.

His coffee’s gone cold. He looks at the cup, shyly, then back at her. To be honest, Buck is far from fine. He’s exhausted. The day was long, the calls were complicated, Eddie was acting off, Chim was stressing out about proposing to his sister like they aren’t already practically married anyway, and all he wants deep down is to go home, take a shower and sleep twelve hours straight.

But he’s been pushing back this date with Natalia for almost a whole week now (not his fault, just STUFF that kept randomly happening and getting in the way because the Universe will not give Evan Buckley a single break) and he didn’t want her to think he was ghosting her or something. So now he’s here, staring at a cold coffee cup, thoughts far away.

“Sorry, yeah. I’m- I was just thinking about that call, from this morning...”

“The proposal,” Natalia guesses.

Buck nods with a heavy sigh.

“The sky diver... You know, I actually told Chim to do that last week?” He asks, dread filling him up, but shakes the idea as quickly as possible. “I just- I keep thinking about that guy. He was in love, he had every single reason to survive, to live for... and he just, he didn’t make it.”

Buck still remembers the man’s ribs cracking under his palms, his fiancé’s sobs somewhere across the street, Bobby’s hand on his shoulder forcing him to stop. He’s gone, kid.

“It’s just death,” Natalia says, gently. “Most people who go there don’t come back.”

“Yeah, but I did,” Buck says, a little too sharply. “I- I came back, I got a second chance. Why didn’t he? He had so much to live for...”

“Didn’t you?”

Buck blinks at her. He thinks of endless hospital hallways, of a thick glass wall, of his own face filled with every cruel word he’s ever said. He thinks of the words Bobby Nash is dead, and a Diaz-shapped hole in the world.

“Yeah, I did. But-”

“But he had more?” Natalia guesses.

Buck shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know. I just- It doesn’t seem fair.”

“Death isn’t fair, Buck,” her eyes sparkle as she speaks, like they do every time they broach her favorite subject. Which is, if he’s being honest, every time they meet. “Death just is. And everything else, well... it doesn’t matter.”

“It has to matter,” Buck shakes his head. “There has to be a reason.”

“A reason he died? Or a reason you survived?”

“I don’t know. Both? I just- I wish I knew, you know? I wish I could tell for sure why I’m still here.”

“To share your wisdom with me?” Natalia teases and it manages to make him chuckle, though even he can tell the sound is far from happy.

“Maybe. Maybe that’s why.”

Maybe he came back to meet her, to know her, to love her and be loved by her, to finally get it right. Yeah. Maybe. It doesn’t feel entirely right, though.

“I just hate how random these things are, you know? This guy did everything right, but he just flew across a bank robbery car chase, and... just like that, his life was over.”

“In a flash?” Natalia asks, arching an eyebrow, easily guessing where Buck’s thoughts really are. And he’s slightly embarrassed, because he really should know by now that he’s not the center of the universe, but he can’t help it when these things affect him.

“These things just keep happening when you least expect them.”

“These things... plural?” She asks, eyes a little eager again, clearly guessing he’s about to mention another brush with death.

“It’s like- like when Eddie got shot,” he says. “You- you know Eddie, right, my best friend? He- he was at the call at Marie’s funeral, when we met,” he explains, which really shouldn’t be necessary because even if they haven’t officially met he knows he’s mentioned Eddie more than once to Natalia. What did you do today? How did you day go? So where were you on the weekend? The answer always leads back to Eddie and Chris. Still, Natalia has the good grace to nod along. “Okay, so, a couple years ago, we were responding to a call and then he got... he got shot, right in front of me... in the middle of the street... and out of nowhere, he almost died.”

“So he had his very own brush with death,” Natalia’s eyebrows arch. “Cool.”

The word rips through him like a bullet, like lightning, it knocks the air out of his lungs and fills them with something akin to acid.

“Cool?” He says, voice low and slow and angry. “Eddie almost dying wasn’t ‘cool’, Nat. He was bleeding out in the middle of the street. I had to drag him out, I had to beg him not to die on the way to the hospital, he- he could’ve died. For real. Forever.”

“But he didn’t, just like you.”

“It doesn’t matter! Just- just because he survived it doesn’t mean it’s nothing!”

And just as he’s starting to feel awful about raising his voice, something shifts in Natalia’s face. A small, victorious, smile blooms across her face and her eyes shine with a new kind of excitement. And, just like that, it comes crashing down on him.

“This... this was never a date, was it?” He asks, voice hoarse.

At that, her expression twists guiltily. She shakes her head.

“Then- then what was the whole... the being interested in my dying.”

“Oh, I am interested,” Natalia says, lightly. “But I think you didn’t really want to talk about it. Not seriously, at least. The way you brought it up, when we first met, like it was just something funny or curious that happened to you... I figured you needed someone to match that tone, to help you to open up. And eventually...”

“...realize that it wasn’t nothing,” Buck finishes, ducking his head to hide his embarrassment.

“Just because you’re still here, Buck, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. To you... to the people who love you.”

For the first time, Buck’s head actually thinks about his family seeing him die. He thinks about how Eddie’s shooting wrecked him, and finally understands that perhaps that’s why they’ve been acting weird since he came back, like he could break any second, like they are waiting for him to catch up on what happened. Buck, you died. Buck, you died. You died, Buck.

“I know it happened. I just... I want it to mean something.”

“It already does. It can mean whatever you want it to.”

Buck takes in a shaky breath and lets it out slowly, meeting her eyes again.

“Death isn’t about life ending, Buck, it’s about the journey before. And, for you, there’s still a whole journey ahead... and behind. You can’t shake off your past like you’re changing skin, you wouldn’t learn anything that way. This is a second chance at your life, not some other imagined one. A lot of people who go through similar situations, who die and come back, want to burn it all to the ground, be someone new... but that’s just another way of running away.”

“Or go to Italy,” Buck huffs, amused, and for the first time in this entire conversation Natalia looks confused. He just shakes his head. “I guess I’ve just been... I’ve been trying to use this to find my way, but instead I’ve been so lost.”

“Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places,” she says, with a sweet smile, and he knows she means herself.

“Yeah, maybe. But I don’t know where else to look.”

“I can’t help you with that,” Natalia says, as she gestures for the check. “But in my experience, life and death aren’t so different in that they can catch you in the most unexpected places. Sometimes... right under your nose.”

“Wouldn’t that be funny?” Eddie’s never going to let him live this down when he tells him. “Uh... I feel like I should be paying for the session, or sessions, you know?”

“You can just pay for my coffee,” she laughs. “And maybe one of those chocolate muffins to go.”

Buck laughs, and hopes that Natalia keeps in touch because, even if clearly they haven’t been dating, he kinda likes her. She’d be a good friend to have around.

“So... if I have any more questions... about death?” He says, watching her pick up her purse and straighten her dress.

“You can always call me, Buck, but I think you already have all the answers you’re looking for. You just gotta let yourself see them.”

And with that, she gives his shoulder a quick squeeze as she passes by and walks away. Buck sighs, and finds himself smiling.

As he walks out of the cafe, he pulls out his phone and shoots Eddie a quick text: Man do I have a story to tell you. Wanna grab a beer?

Eddie’s reply comes quickly: Always. My place or yours?

Yours. Buck writes back, hopping into the jeep.

#911 fox #911 spec #buddie #sort of #evan buck buckley #911 fic #buddie fic

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whumpsday · 2 years

Text

Kane & Jim #44: Sweet 116

Masterlist

content: recovery, comfort, vampire whumpee, whumper turned whumpee, whumpee turned caretaker, fluffy compared to my usual

Kane woke up one hundred and sixteen years old.

It felt like it had been ages since his last birthday, since he hadn’t been aware of its passing since his 110th. He’d honestly thought he was older than this, back in his cell. It felt longer than five years.

He hadn’t celebrated his birthday in a long time, even the ones where he’d been aware of the day passing. They were a bitter reminder that his family didn’t care, after the extravagant parties he’d been thrown as a young child turned into not even being wished a happy birthday. He and Bellamy used to have their own little events, just the two of them, but those stopped after Bellamy left.

He wished he could apologize to Bellamy for treating him so badly. Kane knew he’d been a bad friend. But it was probably better this way: Bellamy had his own life now, he was flourishing, and Kane was okay now too. He had to just appreciate their childhood friendship for what it was, and accept that it was over.

Jim wasn’t his friend, certainly. Kane had abused him for years, and now he was currently held captive in the man’s house. But he was something almost like a friend. More than a friend in some ways, a god-like savior who’d dragged him out of a torturous nightmare.

He was okay. He didn’t need a friend, and he didn’t need a birthday. He just needed to be safe, and he had that, now. He smiled at the thought. His first safe birthday in five years.

Jim came downstairs with a fresh bowl of blood. “Hey, man. Happy birthday. Hundred sixteen now, right? Sheesh.”

“Oh. You remembered.” Kane said, a little shocked.

“’Course I remembered. Gotta be on top of that shit if you’re gonna be staying here. Speaking of which...” Jim held out the bowl, but it was a new one, one Kane had never seen before. A ceramic bowl designed to look like a cake, a human food he knew was traditionally used to celebrate birthdays. Jim had taught him that.

“Saw this and thought it might be fun to use on your birthdays, since obviously you can’t eat actual cake.” Jim said with a goofy grin.

Birthdays. Plural. That could only mean one thing, that Jim intended to keep him for years. Kane’s heart soared, elated. He was being promised safety for years.

“Thank you so much.” Kane gingerly took the cute little bowl. “I love it. Thank you for the bowl, and the blood, and, and for letting me stay. Thank you for all of it.” He teared up a little, overwhelmed with emotion.

“Aw, well, you were always nice to me on my birthdays.” Jim pointed out. “You always got me cake and a present. Never hurt me or anything, ‘cept for the bite, even if I was doing stuff you’d normally hit me for. It was the only time I really felt safe.”

Guilt flooded him. Jim only felt safe five days out of the five years Kane had him, and he still made every effort he could to make Kane feel safe now despite it.

“I’m glad you’re safe now.” Kane said softly.

“Right back at you.” Jim patted him on the back. “Laken’s coming over later and we’ll have a little party. Assuming that’s cool with you? There’s still time to cancel it if you’re not into the idea.”

Laken was a hunter. It was hard to get out of the mindset that humans were dangerous by default, let alone hunters, but they’d been over to visit Liz’s a few times when he and Jim had stayed at Liz’s place a few weeks ago and they’d only ever been friendly toward him. He supposed that the only options Jim had to invite to his vampire’s birthday party were them and Liz, and Liz was definitely not a fan of him.

Kane hadn’t had a proper birthday party since he was ten years old. It seemed almost childish at this point, but... unbelievably sweet.

“That sounds great. Thank you.” He held the bowl to his lips and drank.

Jim’s present to Kane served two purposes: it was something he knew the guy would love, and it would give him time to decorate. It was a strategy he had employed for Liz on multiple occasions. Give her a gift she’d have to leave the house for, then set everything up while she’s away. He could have just done it while Kane was asleep, but he wanted to make sure he actually wanted something. Jim knew he was weird about birthdays.

He had to get creative this time, since he couldn’t send Kane to the arcade or roller rink. Kane was over the moon about the fancy bath stuff Jim got him, breaking out in a delighted fanged grin.

While Kane spent what Jim was sure would be an hour in the bathroom trying out fancy soaps, he strung up some simple decorations. Some balloons, streamers, and in a moment of unprecedented genius, a ‘SWEET 16′ banner he’d drawn an extra ‘1′ into to make it say ‘SWEET 116′. He giggled as he tacked it up.

He was sure it was nothing compared to the kinds of parties hundred-millionaire vampires would throw. Hell, it’d be nothing by human party standards, the guy couldn’t even eat cake or get wasted. But hey, Kane seemed pretty jazzed about it so far.

It was a good distraction. Jim tried not to think about it, but tomorrow was the anniversary of the night Kane took him. He realized it a few minutes after Kane had told him his birthday. Was that what he was? Kane’s birthday present to himself, a shiny new human?

He pushed the thought out of his head. It didn’t matter. He didn’t want to think about the fact that tomorrow was the 15 year anniversary of the day his life ended.

Jim was glad he had the excuse of Kane being scared of Liz to not invite her: she’d definitely try to comfort him, because she knew him way too well, and then he’d have to think about it, and maybe even talk about it.

And then he’d be a terrified 19 year old boy again, back in that lonely little room in Kane’s house where nothing was safe, and he didn’t want to be that anymore.

Now Kane was in his house, and neither of them were miserable. It was fine. Though it was hard not to think about it at least a little bit, with what Laken wanted to give Kane as his present.

Kane came downstairs smelling like roses. “You weren’t waiting to put the cuffs back-”

He looked around, taking in the decorations. Another smile. Kane had been smiling a lot more these days, he noticed.

“You did all this for me?” He sounded choked-up.

“Yeah, man. It’s your birthday. First one you’ve celebrated in five years, right? Gotta do something.” Jim patted him on the back. “And no cuffs today. We can be a little lax once in a while.” Plus, there’ll be a hunter here most of the time just in case.

“One hundred and six.”

“One hundred and six what?”

“This is the first birthday I’ve celebrated in one hundred and six years.” Kane clarified. “Or, ninety-nine years if you count the little celebrations that were just me and Bellamy. Just shy of a century.”

“Fuck, man. You’re making me too sad.” Jim shook his head. Guess that explained why he was so cagey about his birthday. “Well, good thing I snapped you up before it could get to a round hundred. We’ll fit a birthday party in here for you yet.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Kane said, sounding touched. “That means a lot.”

Laken arrived shortly. Kane froze up as they hugged him, not having expected it, but relaxed once he realized they weren’t hurting him.

“Happy birthday, you little grandpa!” they laughed, glancing at the banner. “Excellent.”

“Thank you for coming.” he replied. Laken’s hug was different from Jim’s. There was no tension, no fear that Kane could sense. They just held him, carefree. He wanted it to last forever, but they pulled away to hug Jim next.

They strolled inside and turned back around. “Jimmy, get outta here. I’ve gotta give Kane his present.”

Laken didn’t appear to have brought anything with them, Kane noted with confusion.

“Y-yeah.” Jim was suddenly nervous. “Just, just come get me when it’s done.” He scurried up the stairs to his room.

Kane was growing more anxious by the second. Jim being nervous was bad, but being apart from him was worse, and being alone with a hunter even worse than that. Even if they were the nicest hunter he’d ever met.

“Chill out.” Laken ordered, patting him on the head. “Jim’s just a little sensitive about this stuff. I’m not gonna hurtcha.”

“O-oh. Um, then, then what?” he asked.

Laken held out their arm. “Go on and feed some. Double portions today, and this one’s straight from the source, nice ‘n fresh..”

Kane stared incredulously at their outstretched arm. This had to be a- a trap of some kind, it had to be.

He could still remember the searing licks of the sun on his skin, in his mouth, unable to get away, burning burning burning for an entire week, the nights never long enough to heal more than the smallest bit before the next day devastated him again. And that had been for just trying to bite.

There was no way a hunter was telling him to bite them.

“I’ll be good, s...” Kane thought about it a bit, unsure what the proper title would be for a ‘them’. “...sir?” he decides anyway. “I’ll be good. I know better, I, I’ve learned. You don’t need to test me.”

“I’m not gonna pull pranks on you on your birthday, dude.” Laken shook their head. “Or ever. That sounds about as good of an idea as pulling pranks on Jim. Maybe even worse. Nah, I’m serious. Go for it. Have a little treat.”

They were serious. Kane glanced up the stairs. “Jim’s okay with it?”

“Yup, got pre-approved and everything. Listen, if you don’t want it, I can use the blood draw and you can drink it out of that bowl Jim was so giggly about on the phone, or we can just forget about the whole thing if you wanna. It’s your call. You’re the birthday boy. But hey, I’m offering.” They waggled their eyebrows.

Blood did taste really good straight from a human. It didn’t get any fresher than that. And... it could be his test, too. He was starting to really trust that Jim wouldn’t send him back, or hurt him on purpose. If he did this, he could see if Laken is really telling the truth, and maybe he could trust them, too. If he refused, he’d never know.

“Okay. Yes, please. Um, have you ever... been bitten before?” he asked.

“Pssh, oh yeah. A billion and a half times.” Laken assured. “I’ve been hunting for like, a decade. You guys’ve got like 5 things for combat, and teeth are one of ‘em. Never been really fed from, though. But I’m curious!” They waved their arm in front of him again.

Kane was glad they were offering their arm. He was sure that Jim would have an intensely negative reaction to seeing his mark on Laken’s neck.

He nodded trepidatiously. “Please let me know if you want me to stop.”

He bit into their forearm, sweet, delicious blood flowing into him. The base taste wasn’t as good as Jim’s abnormally-delicious blood, but it was so fresh that it truly was a treat. He had already had a meal today, but he fed enough for an entire second meal. It was his birthday, after all.

When he was done, he licked the wound closed. “Thank you. That was, that was wonderful.” He waited anxiously for their reaction.

“Haha, so weird. Glad it did it for you.” Laken said casually.

They’re really not mad. They’re not going to try to punish me.

“I’m gonna put a bandage on this so Jim doesn’t flip his shit.” they added. “You wanna go get him? Knock first.”

“Okay!” Kane agreed, invigorated by his apparent success. He jogged up to Jim’s room, initially minding his ankle chains before realizing they weren’t there, and knocked.

“Jim? It’s done. Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Jim opened the door, looking a little less than okay, but not awful.

“I-”

“If you’re about to say you’re sorry, can it. It’s your birthday and you didn’t hurt anyone. Was it nice?” Jim asked.

Kane was surprised by how he’d predicted what he was about to say so easily. He guessed Jim just... knew him better than anyone else, at this point.

But that street went both ways. Seeing Jim look all nervous, he was suddenly reminded that he’d taken Jim the day after his 100th birthday.

“It was nice. Thank you for allowing it.” He hesitated, hoping he was saying the right thing. “Um, I know that tomorrow is probably... an uncomfortable day for you. I’m sorry. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do? Like if you want me to stay downstairs or something.”

Jim startled a bit, then smoothed his hair down. “I dunno. I kinda just wanna do everything like normal. Don’t wanna make it weird or anything.”

“Okay. Whatever you want.” Kane agreed.

“Hey, did Jim faint up there or something?” Laken called.

“C’mon, don’t turn into Liz, I’m not that fragile! I wasn’t even the one who got bit!” Jim called back. He bumped Kane on the shoulder, racing back down.

Kane laughed, following behind him.

sorry i’ve been slacking on posting new chapters / november was kind of a wash! you can expect a lot more activity in the latter portion of december.

drabbles posted in between #43 and #44:

Drabble: Mirror

Drabble: Fuck you

also started K&J x MMSS, a series of crossovers between my guys and the guys of Magnanimous Moonrise & Savage Sunset! there’s like 30k words of writing in there now

taglist:

@annablogsposts

@badluck990

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@ceph-the-writing-spook

@cicatrix-energy

@crying-wings

@crystalquartzwhump

@cupcakes-and-pain

@cyberneticfire

@darlingwhump

@deluxewhump

@down-in-the-whumps

@elrysdoesstuff

@emcscared-whumps

@extemporary-whump

@extrabitterbrain

@iamtheshriekingguineapig

@icyheart-and-friends

@inpainandsuffering

@interdimensional-chaos

@kira-the-whump-enthusiast

@lactose-intolerant-egg

@lilac-and-lemon-whumps

@littlespacecastle

@little-whumpee

@lost-in-labradorite-halls

@magziemakeswhatever

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@morning-star-whump

@myhusbandsasemni

@mylifeisonthebookshelf

@neverthelass

@nicolepascaline

@nine-tailed-whump

@no-terms-and-conditions-apply

@not-a-space-alien

@nyooom

@octopus-reactivated

@oddsconvert

@onlybadendings

@owencarvourenthusiast

@pigeonwhumps

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@quietly-by-myself

@quirkykayleetam

@ramadiiiisme

@redwhump

@scp-1296

@secretwhumplair

@the-whumperfly-effect

@the-whumpers-grimm

@thecyrulik

@thegreatwhodini

@themarlo

@thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight

@t0rture-me

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff

@whuarri

@whump-blog-reblogs

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@whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump

@whump-me-all-night-long

@whump-my-heart-away

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@whumpy-writings

@whumpycries

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@wits-and-wrongs

@wolfeyedwitch

#kane and jim #whump #my writing #recovery whump #comfort #vampire whumpee #whumper turned whumpee #whumpee turned caretaker #whump writing

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samwpmarleau · 3 months

Text

fic: sometime around midnight

idk man, i saw “night walks” on a prompt list and this came out. set in an alt-season 4 (probably).

She likes walking at night. There’s far too much light pollution in L.A. to see much of the stars, but the endless blanket of nothingness above is comforting all the same. The temperature cools enough to make long sleeves pleasant instead of just a statement. It’s freeing, too, to walk around without any fear or feeling like she needs to thread her fingers around her car keys with her head on a swivel. The buzzing beneath her skin from the million and one creatures and objects around her waiting to be manipulated renders any potential danger a nonissue.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing on her own so late?”

Daisy smiles to herself. Even without a voice to accompany it, the unique vibration of Robbie Reyes shines through the white noise of all the rest.

“I don’t think pickup lines are supposed to sound threatening,” she says, slowing her pace just a fraction so he can catch up.

“I was being — it wasn’t a pickup line.”

“A threat, then? You should know better than that by now.”

Daisy takes her hands out of her pockets and points them downward, causing the pavement to shiver just enough to be unsettling. Still a far cry from their first meeting, when she cracked the ground beneath his feet and sent him to his knees. He’s been on his knees since, too, but it’s never taken a quake to do it.

“You wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something? Retract those claws, girl.”

Daisy has a retort to that prepared as she turns down an alleyway — What would you know about my bed? perhaps — but opts for the truth instead, just this once. “Sorry. Long day.”

Robbie grabs her hand to tug her to a stop. His handsome features are marred by a frown, every trace of playfulness gone. “Daisy.”

She leans forward to smush her face into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of old leather and motor oil. Robbie stiffens in surprise before slowly wrapping his arms around her.

She supposes she can’t blame him for being tentative; until now, things had never been like this, so serious and fraught. They work better as strangers. As enemies. Or pretending as such, anyway. This isn’t the first time he’s weakened her armor, each kernel of information he drops about himself heightening her intrigue, but this is the first time she’s let him penetrate it.

The fact that he can’t die helps. That much she’ll admit. She’s a walking cancer to everyone else, a hazard to anyone who gets too close, but not him. Hell, she’d tried to kill him in the beginning, and it didn’t take.

He’ll always be here, in one form or another.

She calms, a little, as she shuts out the rest of the world to listen to the beat of his heart and tune into the specific timbre of his vibrational frequency. Frequencies plural, really. His, steady and low, and the Rider’s, frenetic and high. The latter’s barely noticeable at the moment, however. The demon inside him doesn’t usually bother to rouse itself anymore when she’s nearby.

“Cariño,” Robbie murmurs, the endearment soft as silk on his tongue, “you’re scaring me.”

She lets out a weak snort. “Ghost Rider’s got jokes. Come on, I’m not scaring —”

“I mean it. Are you in some kind of trouble?”

She doesn’t want to tell him — she can’t tell him, not yet — but she doesn’t want to lie either. Quietly, she asks, “Just hold me?”

“Yeah,” he says, so immediately and without question that it makes her start to cry.

Once she starts she can’t seem to stop, for a certainty getting snot and makeup and tears on his beloved jacket, but he doesn’t mention it. He merely does as asked, holds her so tightly it almost hurts — almost burns, like he’s trying to keep her in one piece long enough to cauterize her wounds.

He could kill her like this, she muses, if he wanted to. Sizzle her flesh and char her bones with the touch of a finger. In turn, she could quake his organs apart, maim him so thoroughly it’d take the Rider a week to stitch him back together.

They’re two of the most dangerous people in the world, the pair of them, and maybe one day that’ll be a problem.

But for now, all Daisy feels is safe.

#daisy johnson #robbie reyes #daisy x robbie #quakerider #agents of shield #my fic

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