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tigers-eyes-26 · 1 year

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Colors Chapter 2

Waluigi sat across a round metal café table from the Mayor. She had a dark purple wide brimmed hat to shield her from the sun. He wondered how many red pantsuits she owned. Waluigi had on a purple polo. His only pair of fancy clothes were still dirty, and he wasn’t going to meet with the Mayor in his working overalls. So, his tennis clothes would have to do.

“I’ve been told you are looking to open a casino?” She glanced up at him and took a sip of coffee.

“My…business partner is going to be opening a casino, he sent me to do the paperwork for him.” He played a little bit with his coffee cup.

She hummed. “After all the paperwork is done you going to leave town?”

Waluigi’s eyes widened. Wah? Is this broad asking me to stay? He took a sip to cover his initial reaction. “It depends….” The ball was now in her court.

She set her cup down. “Seeing you dance last night and seeing how much my people loved it, it’s a shame you don’t open up a dance studio.”

He smirked at her complement. “Yes, someone around here needs to teach these people how to dance. Unfortunately, I’m not the teaching type.” He took a bite of a croissant roll.

She looked up at him through her lashes, “You can’t even teach me?”

He nearly sputtered. What a con-woman thing to do! He swallowed his bite with a cough. He put on his biggest leer. “I can teach you anything you want to know, darling.”

“Good you teach me how to dance, we’ll record it and use it to teach the other people.” She took another sip looking satisfied.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Now lady, I’m a busy man.” He made his voice sound exhausted. “I still haven’t found the right place for the casino! I need to find employees; Wah! I still have to think of a good poster to promote……”

“I can help you find people to do that for you.”

He got her right where he wanted her. “Yes, but they wouldn’t do that for free.”

“Of course not.” She eyed him intently waiting for what this was going to come to.

“Just like them I am not going to teach for free.”

Her eyes sparked. “So, you’ll do it?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, “For a price….”

“Name it, and we’ll see.”

“Those people you mentioned can they do their jobs for half price?”

Her blue eyes gave him a death glare. “No, I wouldn’t have my people get less than what the earn.”

Waluigi pouted. “Then are you willing to pay me enough to pay them, and then some for my instructions?” He threaded his hands across his face to explain. “I came here with money from my business partner, but I don’t think he would appreciate me using it to hire people to do my job. I only have enough personal money to stay here for about a month.”

Pauline grit her teeth. Was she willing? She would love to see her people dance to her music other than jumping and swaying. Was it worth it? He was good she knew that. She had heard from the ladies he had danced with they would be interested to learn more. This was one thing that would get the economy flowing. She gave a sigh. “How much would your ‘instruction’ cost?”

He paused in thought. How much should he throw out here? “100 coins an hour.”

Now it was her turn to sit and think. She could always sell the tapes to get some of the money back. She stood up and extended her hand to the man in purple. “Deal.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. She was supposed to negotiate him down! Well, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He stood too and shook her hand. “Deal.” She had a good firm handshake.

“Let’s go find those you need to hire, and our instructions can begin at 6pm tonight.”

***********

The day was spent looking at the best places for a casino that was narrowed down to two places. Then Waluigi shared his ideas to an artist about the promo posters. After that meeting with a hiring agent about the workers needed at the prospective casino. This was going to be a breeze! Waluigi knew his good looks would come in handy. He had an hour to wash his nice clothes, eat some food, primp a little and head out to meet Pauline.

She again was in her sequined red dress. She had a remote in her hand. Several cameras were set up in different angles. To his surprise there was no camera men behind the cameras. Pauline noticed his head swivel around to the cameras. “I figured you wouldn’t want a live audience.”

He frowned. “Actually, I want an audience to scream my name.” He shrugged, “but this will do.”

She smiled at his response. “Should we get started?” She opened her arms.

He slunk up to her holding her hand and waist. “Now for the basics.” He addressed the camera.

*********

A week into their arrangement Waluigi walked out of an office holding the new poster design for the casino. He took a long step out of the office only to bump into Pauline.

“Oh!”

“Wah!” he had dropped some of the poster papers he was carrying.

Pauline kneeled down to help pick them up. She examined one. “These are looking good.”

Waluigi swiped it out of her hand before she could look at it closer. “Of course, with my brilliant ideas and their umm… talent.” He generally motioned to the design office door.

“I’m heading to lunch right now care to join me?”

“Wah!? Not only am I secretly dancing with the Mayor, but NOW she is asking Me out on a Lunch date!” he barbed. “Be careful Madam Mayor people may start talking.” He shifted his eyes around looking invisible gossip mongers.

Pauline smirked and continued walking down the hallway. “You coming, or what?” He jogged to catch up to her.

**********

Lunch wasn’t anything fancy just some sandwiches from a corner dinner. They sat at a booth in a far corner away from people.

“So, Wally tell me about your ~mysterious~ business partner.”

Waluigi swallowed the bite he had taken. “Well….you see….” He scratched his cheek. Stalling. Wario didn’t have a good reputation, he didn’t know if that reputation had made it to New Donk.

“C’mon you can tell me.” Pauline bat her long eyelashes at him.

He wasn’t going to fall for it. “Let’s just say he isn’t as handsome as me.” He ended the conversation with taking another bite of his sandwich.

Pauline breathed out in frustration. “I’m not stupid you know; I saw the small print on the posters.” Waluigi frowned as he chewed. “Wario Inc. is the owner of the new casino.”

He finished his bite. “Ok ~Smart One~ what do you know about Wario?”

Pauline crossed her arms. “He’s dishonest, greedy, and will probably swindle hordes of money from my people with this casino of his.”

Waluigi raised his arms in a shrug. “Yah so, that’s what a casino does, sweetheart.”

Pauline’s lips made a straight line, her cheeks red, her eyebrows making it clear she was angry.

“What do you want me to do, Weh? That’s just how the guy is. You’re the mayor you have power you can refuse his business permits, or whatever.”

Pauline let out a breath. “Do you have his number? I can talk to him myself before I decide what to do.”

Waluigi looked to the side and dug into his pocket. He produced a small address book. He opened it up to the first page. Pauline read the page and gave him a confused look. “Smelly?”

“That’s him alright.” She got out a little planer book and a pen from her inside suit pocket. “Just a fair warning, he isn’t going to be honest over the phone either.”

Pauline blew out a sigh. “Then why do you hang out with the likes of him?”

Waluigi crossed his arms and leaned back against the seat refusing to answer.

She leaned forward placing her hand on her cheeks, she scanned him with her big eyes. He refused to look at her. “You are clearly better than him.”

“That’s obvious.” He scoffed.

“C’mon Wally, I’m not going to publish your life story in the news.” She frowned at him.

Waluigi threw his arms up in annoyance. “Wah! You are one nosy lady!” She still looked at him expecting an answer. He slammed his palms down on the table. “IF you must know, He was there when I came into this crazy magical world!” the shout echoed over the diner. Waluigi could feel the other patrons’ eyes on him. He sunk into the chair.

Once Pauline had recovered from her surprise at his outburst, she gave the other patrons a pointed look, telling them to mind their own business. The quietly turned back to their food. She leaned in closer and quietly said, “Why don’t you leave him.”

With the most serious face she had seen on him, he simply said “I can’t.” Suddenly he had gathered his things, stood up, and turned to the door. “Wait!” She stood up. He paused his exit. “Will I still see you tonight?”

He didn’t turn to her. “I can’t let my fans down.” He slipped out the door.

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Chapter 1:

Next Chapter:

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sucrose-rose · 3 years

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MHA characters as some of my favorite out of context quotes from the Drawfee YouTube channel

Hawks: Your pigeon man has arms and thick meaty thighs, and that really bums me out.

Kirishima: Having your nips out is punk

Dabi: You can do a murder and still be sexy

Kaminari: At the end of the day, I'm the mayor of YuGiOh and I know that I'm always right

Aizawa: I have nothing to look forward to other than death

All Might: Ah beans I hecked it up again with my son

Present Mic: Keep truckin' and keep Bugs Bunny fuckin'

Jirou: Waluigi fucks, dude.

Iida: Do you guys wanna hear a funny belt anecdote

Uraraka: Nothing should be underground

Sero: I choose to believe math doesn't exist

Wild Wild Pussycats: You're gay for one of us, you gotta be gay for all of us, like the Three Musketeers

Snipe: What are cowboy hats if not fedoras of the west?

Tetsutetsu: What if you died and went to heaven and god was just like a big horse

Twice: I deny the bone lord. Oh no I'm out of cookies

Eri: Baby recognize baby

Mirio: The thing is, if you don't leave space for the bone lord, he gonna make space.

Bakugou: Sometimes you're just permanently built to fight

Izuku: Are we human? Or are we Luigi?

Tokoyami: Is feathers hair?

Shinsou: What would a neopets hookah look like?

Ashido: Become the yeehaw you want to see in the world. I believe Gandhi said that.

Aoyama: What's a diamond if not two triangles sitting butt to butt?

Hagakure: Contentment and pity...contitty

Shouto: Women are, typically, much larger than a starfish.

Mei: Does Thiccy Mouse haunt your dreams?

Kouda: All bee do is choose king, have war, make honey, eat hot chip, and lie.

Toga: Horses are god's himbos

Asui: We specifically requested no more legs

Yaoyorozu: Name ten waters

Shigaraki: Horseshoe crabs are bottoms

Monoma: Muppet rights

Endeavor: I'm gonna do some wiener hinting

Stain: Yum yum yum it's me, yogurt boy!

Fatgum: It's friend shaped

Nana: God gave us spoons, they're called hands

Midnight: But if Godzilla does not have a fat ass...

All for One: If god's ever been mad at anything I've said, he hasn't done shit about it. So he either doesn't care of he's a coward.

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incorrectsmashbrosquotes · 3 years

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*Sora has just saved the Smash-verse after being rejected, and everyone is congratulating him*

Mario: And now, Sora, I’m gonna do something I should have done one year ago.

*He turns to the crowd*

Mario: WALUIGI! Front and center.

*Waluigi approaches and the rest gather round*

Mario: I think we all know who rightfully deserves that final Smash invite.

Waluigi:I couldn’t agree more.

Link: Hooray for Sora!

Everyone: Woo-hoo!

Sora: Hang on a second everyone. There’s- There’s something I need to say first. I- I just don’t know how to put it.

Waluigi: I think I know what it is.

*dramatic music starts*

Waluigi: After going on your life-changing journey, you finally realize that you don’t want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted, was inside you all along.

*the music stops with a record scratch as Sora snatches the invite out of Waluigi’s hands*

Sora: ARE YOU CRAZY?! I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down! A SMASHER! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

*Sora jumps into the air with a freeze frame as Ocean Man starts to play*

#incorrect super smash bros #super smash bros #incorrect quotes #smash bros #Sora #Mario #Waluigi #Sora in Smash #Kingdom Hearts #Super Mario #Wario Ware Inc

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askwendyokoopa · 2 years

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Gario Marfield

"You know, it was just an April Fools' Day shitpost, but I could really see getting into it and maybe making something. Not a webcomic-- or whatever you classify 'Sonichu' as, but maybe a one-shot fanfiction? The thing is, instead of arbitrarily mixing the Mario and Garfield verse, what if we made it all about the voice actors? So Heathcliff, instead of Wario; would be Bugs Bunny, and Daffy Duck, Barney Rubble, Mr. Spacely, you know what somehow 'The Man of a Thousand Voices' ends up playing a thousand characters.

But then, Hobbes has no voice so we have to drop him... we can replace him with Tigger and the legendary Paul Winchell. Anyhow, he mixes with Dick Dastardly so he's pretty much still Waluigi, let's be real here. Peach is apparently Magik (Illyana Rasputina)... I have absolutely no idea who that is, I mean I'm a DC girl so my knowledge of X-men is severely limited. But Anya Taylor-Joy is going to be movie Peach and the closest thing to a recognizable film she's done is 'The New Mutants' which I know is one of the X-men comics, but I've never heard of it as a movie. However, when clicking on the character I found out that in the video game 'X-Men Legends' she was voiced by none other than Jeannie Elias, who you may recognize as the original voice of Princess 'Peach' Toadstool in The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! So, in any case, Magik is like double Peach and I wonder if that was intentional, or just some sort of cosmic coincidence?

Does anyone wanna see this developed further? Should it go the way of my translation project and just peter out after one reblog? It doesn't matter, tumblr's dead, that's the way we like it. If we were attention whores we'd be on Twitter or something."

#Gario Marfield

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taglegend · 3 years

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Tag Fact #3 - I’ve come to realize I’ve always been a fan artist more than I thought. so here is a timeline of influences that shaped my childhood to now. from nostalgic times, to sad changes, to great loss, to strange rises to fame and phases, to stepping stones and finally a laughing place. all the things that make up your favorite fan artist Tag.

1. Rayman (bumped into this in the year of 1999) was actually the first fandom (with crossovers) I bumped into when I was 9. although the internet wasn’t available at the time it was still fun to dwell in home amusements. I remember the storylines and the OC’s I made but they’re kind of embarrassing and it’s probably a good thing there was no internet. I’ve done fanart and comic crossovers of Rayman with Calvin and Hobbs and Nights Into Dreams, spinoffs of Sonic the Hedgehog OC’s, Yoshi with Pikachu, and the Pokemon/Digimon craze with OC’s and other Nintendo comic shorts. but the drawings and comics are long gone and disappeared in the garage in a backpack due to suspecting my sister’s dad accidentally throwing them away. years later towards the year 2018 (now 28), we decided to move to North Carolina and it was my chance to find them again. unfortunately the backpack was gone just like I suspected (my main stuff), but for some reason I found my Pokemon/Digimon fanart, a good batch of Super Mario drawings (vaguely remember doing these), my sister’s drawings and some other neighborhood kids’ drawings in a dirty box. I was partially happy I found something at least but it was the backpack I wanted the most. sometimes I regret not looking for the backpack (’cause I was too busy being a kid) but it’s alright, noone needs to see that shit anyway, ha ha. anyways, I recall being a fan of Rayman from 1999 ‘til 2002.

2. Sonic Adventure 2 Battle (bumped into this in the year of 2003) my second fandom I bumped into when I was 12 going on 13. at the time, my sister and I both liked the Sonic The Hedgehog Franchise based on the Battle remake and ended up making our own secret fanart club that consisted of only us two members. she liked Sonic (and that was her boyfriend, ha ha) and I liked Knuckles (and he was my boyfriend, ha ha) and we were crazy in love about Shadow’s backstory. we listened to the game’s soundtracks as we drew fanart and comics after school and man, those were good times. however, as we grew older towards the year of 2005, we ended up having separate rooms and I believe it played a part in disconnecting on the same interest. then one day, I asked her why she wasn’t into Sonic anymore and she replied, “Because I grew up.” I was sad after that and slowly observed that she was influenced by the emo culture and the new friends she’s made. I was the only member of our little club for a little longer...but eventually I moved on too. I still have some surviving fanart we did together but it doesn’t mean shit anymore since she turned out to be an abusive mother from the last I’ve heard of her.

3. Gorillaz (bumped into this in the year of 2006). as the Sonic years were at its end, I first heard the song “Feel Good Inc” on Music Choice and seeing the first image of them as displayed on this post (except the fan-made background doesn’t count since I can’t find the original artwork). this was my third fandom and later had proper access to the internet to the website I still currently use called DeviantArt. at first I liked 2D but eventually fell for Murdoc and developed a spiritual connection towards the character as obviously seen in my old fanart and rare photos of my devotion shrines on Valentine’s Day and his birthday every year. for the longest time since being a permanent fan from 2006-2017 (11 1/2 years) I had no knowledge that it was a political propaganda band and other realizations I don’t want to talk about. I only followed them because it was a cartoon and not the bullshit behind the musical project. the world I’ve built and support for them for all those 11 1/2 years shattered the fuck out of me and I just wanted to be left alone to find myself again, somehow. activity stopped on all my profiles, the flow of fanart stopped since I now cringe from the fan service and felt I was used for my talent. I didn’t want to be reminded of it all so I took down all my Gorillaz fanart and archived them for old followers’ nostalgia but also in the hopes they’ll be forgotten in my timeline. I ceased to exist in the fandom for huge personal reasons but it’s best to not say why. I know for sure that the fandom wonders what happened but it’s none of their business. THE END.

4. Waluigi (although I knew he’s been around since 2000 during childhood, I took deep interest once I revisited the character again in the year of December 2013). as silly as this sounds, when I revisited him again, the character was so bizarre that I ended up staying up 3 nights and 3 days in a row just looking all over the internet on everything about him and the questionable “hush-hush” absence of a backstory. despite there being no backstory he slowly gained a cult following and in many ways it’s a good thing. however, since the early 2010′s tension has been building up between Nintendo and its fans about him starring in a main game but everyone hasn’t fully gotten it in their heads that it’s not gonna happen. as long as Nintendo is in control of that, the fandom will not win, I’m sorry to say. on the other hand, if it’s going to be this way, then that’s what fanart and comic projects are for. as for me, I am doing my very best to get my comic project “Waluigi Land” going. again, I apologize if it’s taking very long to get Chapter 2 going if you’ve been keeping track but aha moments need to develop before I start permanent drawing (since concepts, character design and storyline needed improvement badly). as of right now I am still a Waluigi fan and I will not quit on him.

5. Turbo from Wreck-It-Ralph (although it debuted in 2012, I watched the movie two years later into the year 2014). for some bizarro reason, I had an unhealthy obsession with this character to the point where I dressed up as him for Halloween 2014. only 2 fanarts of him and the Turbo Twins exist on my profiles, mainly because my mind was more focused on just ‘thinking about him’ or ‘being him’ rather than drawing physical drawings. luckily, this supposed alleged fandom didn’t last long a little after Halloween so I chalk it up as a very short phase. to this day I don’t know what has gotten over me about him. the only thing I can think of now is that I think it’s because the character had yellow eyes and teeth but I don’t know. now that I think of it, that little fucker was ugly as hell and I STILL don’t know what had gotten over me. one day, my brother mentioned what that was about, and I said to him, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

6. Undertale (although it debuted in 2015, I later took interest in it in 2016). It was all about Sans and Papyrus. I couldn’t get enough of the skeleton bros. eventually Toriel and Mettaton EX became my favorites but it took a long time to draw more of all 4 of them because I had other important things to do in my life plus I was still waiting for the next Gorillaz album to revive my imaginative juices (or so I thought). I really want to have this as one of my frequent fandoms but I just don’t have time for it anymore. it’s still in the back of my head to want to draw them but at this point I still have other better interests to be in. and besides, I’m lazy just like Sans.

7. Cuphead (June 28th, 2017 was the official day I called quits on the British-based band Gorillaz due to the bullshit behind it. since that date I was lost, had no inspiration to look forward to and no cartoon guy to make me smile...but lo and behold of the same year, I took an interest in playing the game Cuphead and man...that shit was a frightening exaggerated metaphor for being on that one drug (forgot the name though) and having sex at the same time but man that was the best fun I’ve had in years. I mean, it’s like, enemies are just so happy to murder you and that scared the shit outta me. and the facial exaggeration?....I think I should stop, ha ha. anyways, the Moldenhauers saved my ass from spiraling down, they have no clue. anyways, eventually I became a permanent fan of their work so to ease the hurt and erase my past from the G-fandom I had to re-wire my brain into a different cartoon category that’s a rather more American, so anything Toon related like Roger Rabbit, Felix the Cat or another favorite that’s a western-based cartoon makes me feel better, especially my new man .......King Dice <3 <3<3<3. however, there was something about this new fandom category I still didn’t quite understand until the date March 14th, 2020. I finally understood what it was but I feel I shouldn’t bring it up. anyways, Cuphead and anything western or rubber hose is my last stop in inspiration for the remaining years of my life. many say never say never but I believe I’ve found my laughing place and that’s all that matters.

#tag facts #influences from cartoons #likes and dislikes #thoughts i have about characters #toons #rayman #sonic the hedgehog #gorillaz #waluigi #turbo #wreck it ralph #undertale #cuphead

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regrettablewritings · 3 years

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Modern!Jaskier x Reader Ship Meme

Prompts taken from this ship meme

Which one texts like a straight white boy?: Of course it would have to be our resident white boy. It isn’t even that he necessarily means to, there’s just an embarrassing amount of overlap between the messages a straight white boy tends to text, and those of your rising star boyfriend. You’d look more into it if it weren’t for the fact that you know there’s no actual malice in it, and because it’s just so sad that it’s funny. If one were to go into the photos saved on your phone, they would’ve surely come upon an entire album of screenshots you’d taken over the years, from when Jaskier would be on tour without you to when he’d just be resting at home while you were out at work. Things like: “Wat r u up to 2nit, cutie? ;)” “I’m probably just gonna play whatever’s on my Watch Later backlog on youtube until I conk out.” “Wild!!! anyway wat would u do if i was there rn~?” Or “Do u miss me? :(” “Of course I do ya dingus!” “Ok....Can we do a quickie over videochat?” “Jas i’m at the store.” “The point still stands.” Or “Watcha thinkin bout? ;)” “About how The Great Gatsby becoming public domain means there’s nothing stopping anyone from making a drag show interpretation called The Gay Dragsby.” “Aaww w/o me? ;)” “...” “WAIT NO I THOUGT YOU’D SAY YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT ME SHIT NO.” “BUT ACTUALLY DO GO ON IM KINDA INTERESTD.” If it were anybody else, you would’ve blocked them. But this wasn’t anybody else. It was your Jaskier: Your foolhardy, constantly horny, but never-short-of-loving Jaskier. And besides, not for nothing, at least they were something you could get a laugh out of.

Which one cried during a fucking Disney movie?: Once again, Jaskier is the guilty party. It’s no secret that he’s the more emotional of the two of you -- he wore his investment in Titanic with pride, after all. But it is a secret that the particular Disney movie to make him cry was Hercules of all things! Not Bambi, not The Lion King, not even Beauty and the Beast, but goddamn Hercules! (On another note, he also cried to Coco. But that barely counts: Literally everyone and their mother has cried during Coco. The only difference here was that Jaskier could relate to being a young man so in love with music while coming from a family that discouraged the pursuit of it.) This isn’t a knock on anyone who enjoys the movie, mind you, but let’s be honest: Out of the Disney animated canon, Hercules isn’t exactly the most . . . emotionally cathartic or heart-string-plucking of the bunch. But just because it didn’t go out of its way to create a crying frenzy doesn’t mean that it’s lacking in some humanity. It is, after all, still a Disney film. The problem is, Jaskier can’t even quite express why it made him cry the night you both decided to watch it. Maybe it had something to do with a young man most people took as a joke trying to achieve greatness? And to be fair, “Go the Distance (Reprise)” and “A Star is Born” differently when you’ve done some growing . . .

Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?: It only happened once, but you’d never let him live it down. You like to joke that you’d left him to his own devices for just fifteen minutes so that you could take a shower -- of which was completely true -- and that was all he needed for things to go downhill. Nobody wants to think they’d be in the wrong for trusting a 20-something year-old to not be his usually somewhat distractable self. But that particular day, said 20-something year-old decided to occupy that little spot of time to himself with TV and a plate of leftovers. And normally this would’ve been fine and dandy. But normally, Jaskier would’ve just waited for the food to heat before searching for something to watch. It shouldn’t have been too big of an issue that it went the other way around that day, but apparently it was. As much as he wanted to (which honestly wasn’t by much), Jaskier just couldn’t tear his eyes away from the images flashing on the TV. The baby blues were set on the screen the entire while -- up until he heard a faint popping. Followed by a sound he normally only heard in a cheesy sci-fi movie. The problem was, he wasn’t watching anything even remotely science-fiction-y . . . All you were doing when you exited the bathroom was going to grab your lotion. That was literally all you had any expectations for. What you hadn’t expected to come upon was your boyfriend, hollering and diving over the sofa in order to scramble into the kitchen and stop that strange, not-good-sounding sound. Suffice to say, you had to put your shower on hold; it simply had to wait for you to finish fussing, then again for you to finish laughing your ass off. And again because if you entered the shower still laughing, you’d probably slip and break your head open and then Jaskier would have to deal with another possible emergency caused by himself.

Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who?” thing?: You can both be guilty of it, but Jaskier without a doubt does it more. Sometimes he’ll emerge from “his cave” (aka the little nook in the apartment where he likes to mess around and write lyrics or arrangements) on a break and catch an unsuspecting you sitting on the couch or at the dinner table. Other times, it could just be when he comes back from running some errands or doing a quick interview at the local radio station. You don’t mind it much . . . Especially since you can get a rise out of him by purposefully guessing the wrong person. (“Hmmm . . . Could it be . . . my mail-order husband? Boy, that was quick. And all the way from Russia, too . . .” “Uh, no.” “The milkman, finally accepting my invitation to commence a torrid love affair?” “Okay, you know damn well -- ” “Or better yet: My hopes and dreams have manifested, oh, Waluigi, could it really and truly be you!?” “What in the absolute fuck --”)

Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?: Because it’s usually himself who presents as being the more mischievous of the two, and because he tends to run the warmest, it always shocks Jaskier when you decide to play dirty and put your cold limbs all over him. Is it childish? Yes. But are his reactions to the sudden feeling of icy flesh hilarious? Also yes. You love to creep up on him when he’s tuning his guitar or scribbling down lyrics, or just minding his own damn business by trying to actually turn in relatively early for once. You love even more to watch him jolt and release the most high-pitched yip a man of his build could ever even joke about making. You’ll still be laughing about it as he scowls at you, cursing your “ghoul hands” and demanding to know if he’s dating a corpse at this point. Of course, no matter how peeved he might be, you can always count on one other thing from his dramatic reactions: Him huffily grabbing your hands into his own and rubbing them warm, or him forcing a park of fuzzy socks on your feet. And just for extra measure, you can be sure that he’ll spend the rest of the night holding you close or cuddling you -- “For exchanging bodily heat purposes,” he will always reason.

Who had that embarrassing reality TV marathon?: You both are guilty of it, actually. The question should really be, who is the least shameful about it. As with most things regarding a lack of shame, it was, of course, our dear Jaskier. Being a musician with a growing following, the little attention whore just can’t miss out on an opportunity to show himself off to his awaiting public. A rising star with relatability and a taste for trash? People eat that shit up! So you’ve learned to be less surprised every time he decides to liveblog himself watching things like Love Island or any of the 90-Day Fiancee spin-offs. In fact, in more recent times, you’ve come to join in with him, adding your own corresponding Tweets and commentary. Though don’t be too shocked once he starts holding polls and letting the public decide what show the two of you should watch next.

Who laughs more during sex?: You do, completely through Jaskier’s own efforts. Jaskier’s always had a pretty lax view of sex. This didn’t change when he met you, of course, but how he specifically portrayed that laxness did undergo some metamorphosis. Before, the entertainer was much more intent on his bedroom experiences being a display of power and an ability to please. Something dramatic and to be taken seriously. He still sees the importance of satisfaction in the bedroom, mind you, but with you, he can’t help but feel more . . . comfortable. With you, it’s a little more okay if he accidentally makes a dumb noise that in no way can be salvaged as sexy. With you, it’s a little more okay if he struggles to get his or your pants off, or if he struggles with removing your bra. And with you, he’s come to find that he’s a lot more okay with sharing a giggle or being a little more loose about things. It’s fine if your fingers tickle him or if he struggles to think of something proper dirty. But it’s even more fine if you think something he says or does makes you laugh, but not in a way that discredits his efforts. When you laugh, it shows that you’re comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to be with him, and be truly vulnerable. So do forgive him if he can’t help but run his fingers up your sides in a tickling fashion, or sloppily string together an innuendo. He simply loves how golden your laughter sounds, even in the throes of passion, intermingled with sweet whimpers and pleas of his name. How the heave of your chest and rippling of your tummy bumpily sync in with the rhythm of his thrusts . . . He just wants to see your smile, your genuine mirth, and bask in it with you. Besides, it serves as excellent song inspiration for him . . .

Who is the little spoon?: It depends on the sway of the day, really. As a whole, you both take turns without much thought simply because you tend to just fall into your positions. Some days, you just happen to lay into him in a way that makes you the little spoon. Other days, he conks out next to you in a manner that most could consider would make you the big spoon (or jet pack). Neither side really fights how it plays out unless one or the other may feel small and vulnerable, or just plain tired and in need of comfort. You often find yourself playing the role of the more dominating position during those first few days after Jaskier returning home from either a quick tour, or after finishing a long week of hours upon hours in the studio, or whatever kind of press-related nonsense his management team told him he needed to do. For as much as your boyfriend loved the spotlight, the truth was he was still quite capable of burning out and needing time to himself. Or, at the very least, just time with you. Even if that means he’s asleep for most of it, with you clinging to his back as he drifts off into a much-needed sleep. He makes sure to return it tenfold when you need just the same. Sure, your occupation may not be of the same nature as his own, but that didn’t mean you were in any less need of his cuddling. In fact, with him being gone as often as he was, Jaskier couldn’t help but feel almost guilty for not always being able to provide you with the basic comforts of being a constantly present boyfriend. Hence why the moment he would see your fatigued body crossing the threshold of your apartment, he would be all over you, ushering you into a quick shower, followed by a quick and simple dinner or snack, and capped off with him cuddling about you from behind. It didn’t matter if you’d come home right in the middle of a writing frenzy, or even if he’d been in the middle of searching for a breakthrough with an arrangement -- for as vain and bullheaded as Jaskier could be, he knew he owed you at least this much. You already put up with so much of his nonsense; this was quite literally the least he could do, both for you and for himself. Besides, he who was he to fight against the feeling of you wiggling closer into his hold, to deny himself the sound of your soft breathing as you lay yourself vulnerable to him? The fact of the matter is that he simply isn’t. He couldn’t be. Maybe in the beginning when things were still so unsteady and uncertain, but never now, when things had become so . . . well, what he could only describe as being “the both of you”. The both of you, molded and entwined, never wanting to let go. Never planning on it, either.

#jaskier x reader #modern!jaskier x reader #jaskier imagine #jaskier imagines #the witcher imagine #the witcher imagines #regrettablewritings

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radramblog · 3 years

Text

Ninty Direct Feb 2021 Thoughts

That was uh. Kind of disappointing, actually.

I suppose it was inevitable that we weren’t seeing Pokemon since they’re gonna do their own announcement. But like. Coulda done better here.

(oh no you’re now introduced to my awful awful handwriting, is this better or worse than my cursed interests? you decide)

Anyway I wrote down everything they announced so here we go

Pyra/Mythra in Smash: I don’t give a single shit about the Xenoblade series, but it’s one of like 2 IPs Nintendo has had in the last decade so sure whatever they can have second a character as a treat. I’m mostly just annoyed this wasn’t a third-party character.

Fall Guys Switch: This feels inevitable. It also feels about 5 months too late.

Outer Wilds Switch: I’ve heard some absolutely excellent things about this game, so fair enough. I’m not sure I’d buy it on the Switch, but I haven’t bought it at all yet, so.

Famicom Detective Club: This looks like a Ren’py game if it had an actual budget, but still used Ren’py for some reason. Prooobably not biting on this one chief.

Samurai Warriors 5: The only Warriors game I’ve played is the first hyrule warriors, and the only Nobunaga game I’ve played was Pokemon Conquest (it’s a trip), so. I don’t understand the obsession they have over there for this bloke, like imagine if Australia made like a tv series a year and a large handful of video games about Ned Kelly or something.

Legend of Mana: Shit I should go play Octopath Traveler huh

Monster Hunter Rise: Those monster designs looked pretty kickass, and those human designs made me crack up laughing. I’ve never played Monster Hunter, and I don’t think this is gonna change that.

Mario Golf: Hey look they confirmed Waluigi as playable ahead of time so people wouldn’t complain, good job guys. The multiplayer of this looked silly as hell, but I’m not spending 80 bucks on wii sports tennis for a multiplayer mode ill drag my mates to play all of once before we go back to playing Beetle Adventure Racing.

Tales from the Borderlands: Wait telltale is still around? Ok…? I haven’t played Borderlands and don’t really care for the Telltale style so nah

Capcom Arcade Stadium: They could have made a peripheral like the NES/SNES mini, but they didn’t, and it’s for the best. The fact that one of the games is free implies to me that the rest are going to be overcosted, though.

Stubbs the Zombie: What the fuck am I looking at. Apparently this is a remaster of an old Xbox game, but I’ve never heard of it. Weird as fuck, but sure.

No More Heroes III: No more Heroes is a franchise that I’ve never played, but always wanted to. It seems right up my alley aesthetic-wise, and the gameplay looks pretty solid too- probably gonna try one of the older ones first, though.

Neon White: Speaking of aesthetic. This looks anime as fuck and edgy in a good way, and the gameplay looks real fun. I actually really want to check this out, and no, it’s not just because of the skull masked goth gf on the cover. (Doesn’t hurt, though.)

DC Super Hero Girls Teen Power: Jesus, this looks like a bad tie-in game from the mid 2000s. Not like Battle for Bikini Bottom, more like a Jimmy Neutron. And while I really liked the Jimmy Neutron game as a kid (shame about the show), this doesn’t look like it’ll stand up to that…high bar. Listening to this trailer made me want to die a little bit inside.

Plants Vs Zombies: Battle for Neighbourville: I miss PopCap. Peggle 3, never.

Miitopia: This looks cute, and will probably lead to the same sort of 3am DMs that happened with Tomodachi Life. If it’s a full priced game, it probably won’t sell at all.

Animal Crossing New Horizons Mario items: uhhh sure. Don’t have that game, so.

Triangle Strategy: Aww fuck it’s a final fantasy tactics that looks like octopath and it might have an actually good story, shiiiiiiiiit. I’m gonna give the demo a try before I land on this, but I’m optimistic.

Star Wars Hunters: When was the last time we had an actually good Star Wars game? And don’t say Fallen Order. Yeah, didn’t think so.

KO City: Ah, the bottom of the barrel. Didn’t think it would take this long. At this point, the pseudo-cartoony style everything has because they’re trying to ape Fortnite is extremely grating on me. (I definitely thought this ad was for Fortnite stuff at first)

World’s End Club: OK this one has me actually hyped. I knew that Kodaka (director/writer of the Danganronpa series) and Uchikoshi (director/writer of the Zero Escape series) were working on a joint project, and we’re finally seeing the results. Both of them have multiple excellent games under their respective belts, and this new game looks like a fun spin on what I’m sure a lot of people were expecting from the pair. Literally both of them have made a game where (spoilers I guess, Keara stop reading here you haven’t played VLR yet) there’s a death game going on while the characters are unaware the world fucking ended, so to see the idea of the death game getting interrupted and the characters actually having to live in the dead world is really cool. I’m paying cloooose attention to this one.

Hades (Physical Release): Dang now if I buy hades I can choose to have some of my money go to EB games or JB hifi or something. Cooooooooooooool.

Ninja Gaiden Collection: This just made me wonder why Ryu Hayabusa isn’t in Smash yet. Is it because there’s already a Ryu?

Age of Calamity DLC: I don’t think I mentioned this in my post yesterday, but I would have put money on DLC for this game coming out. I still haven’t played it, but the first Hyrule Warriors had so much fucking DLC so this was inevitable in my eyes.

Bravely Default 2: Uhhh its another JRPG man idk what you want me to say. Didn’t play the first one, apparently its good.

Ghosts n Goblins Resurrection: Kinda funny having this next to the free original in the Capcom Arcade Stadium. Capcom is reviving old franchises, I guess? Where’s Mega Man Battle Network, cowards?

SaGa Frontier: I’ve heard good things about the SaGa series, but this looks awful. Not like gameplay wise, the style for the models and shit in game just disinterests me.

Apex Legends: Is anyone still playing this game?

BOTW 2 (no news): I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Next Direct, I guess.

Skyward Sword HD: I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

Seriously though, I was expecting 3 of the best Zeldas ever made to get ports, and we got the one that I wasn’t interested in. Fuck you too, I guess.

Splatoon 3: I actually was super interested in this, seeing as the trailer looked like it was gonna be for some like… side game, 3D RPG or something, exploring the origins of the Splatoon world? But then it’s just Splatoon 3. And like, I know people really like that series, but it never appealed to me. The world is neat! But I’m not interested in the series as it is.

And that’s the tea.

ADDENDUM:

shit that’s this weekend? huh ok -New Hearthstone expansions revealed, kinda like WOTC does with magic every so often, just like “here’s the next couple sets btw”. Since they do nothing but plagiarise off each other and MTG is having a set based on another WOTC property this year (D&D), there’s going to be a Starcraft set. -Diablo 4 release date that will not be stuck to since COVID is still a thing -people are hoping for starcraft 3. Blizzard to announce Starcraft 2 Episode 1. -New WoW expansion announced, determined objectively to be “worst ever” before trailer is even finished

#ramble #video games

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tokiro07 · 4 years

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Okay...

So the theory goes that Jumpman, the Mario from Donkey Kong, is actually the father of Mario and Luigi (based on the fact that the original DK is supposedly now Cranky Kong and the current DK, who has faced off against the current Mario, is the son of DK Jr.)

If that is true, then Jumpman is likely the same Mario that worked as a demolition man in Wrecking Crew, given both the era of the game and the fact that Jumpman could easily have been a generalized construction worker (as he was stated to be a carpenter in DK). There is a Luigi in Wrecking Crew, though, so maybe not, but who knows, twins could easily run in the family and maybe Jumpman named one of his sons after his brother

Either way, that would mean that Jumpman, the father of the Mario brothers, worked with Foreman Spike, who for some reason hated Jumpman and his brother. Depending on the game, Foreman Spike bears a striking resemblance to either Wario or Waluigi. Now, we already know that Wario and Waluigi are canonically not brothers, so I’m not saying that Spike is both of their dads.

Just one of them.

(Long post under the cut. This whole thing really got away from me, but I think it ended pretty nicely, so I hope y’all enjoy it)

Probably Wario’s, if I had to bet, given that we know Mario and Wario have known each other since childhood (stated explicitly in the instruction manual for Six Golden Coins), so it would make sense for them to know each other if their parents were work “friends,” and it would especially make sense for Wario to be as hateful of Mario if his dad, Spike, were hateful of Jumpman. Hell, it would even explain his name. Jumpman has a kid and names him after himself, and then Spike has a kid around the same time and decides to invoke some nominative determinism and labels his kid “bad Mario.”

How Waluigi fits into the picture is ambiguous, but with a number of simple solutions. While some early sources indicate that they are brothers (strategy guides, official websites, etc.), while later sources refer to them as either cousins (Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games) or as friends (Mario Sluggers, voice actor Charles Martinet). They could be adoptive brothers, but this wouldn’t really explain the visual similarities, unless Waluigi explicitly modeled his appearance after Wario or Foreman Spike. This wouldn’t require that they be brothers at all, though, as Waluigi could have done that even if he was just a friend. The cousin aspect works best at explaining the visual similarity and even the name, as that would mean that his name was chosen to spite Luigi just the same way that Wario’s was chosen to spite Mario. The only issue there is that we’ve never heard of Spike having any siblings. He’s had multiple conflicting designs, so MAYBE there’s multiple Spikes and Spike is a family name, but I doubt it.

Personally, while the cousin angle wraps everything up the most neatly, I’m still a fan of the idea that Waluigi is some kind of shapeshifted disguise for Tatanga, since the two are both purple misanthropes with an unhealthy obsession with Princess Daisy, a hatred for the Mario brothers and an odd friendship with Wario. This would also of course explain why the exact nature of their relationship is so unclear, since it would imply that they’re outright lying but can’t keep the story straight. I would rather the cousin thing, though, since I would like Tatanga to be able to make a comeback, but that would still be a really fun twist.

The one major hole in all of this, though, is that Pauline appears in Mario Odyssey and gives no indication that she’s not the same Pauline from Donkey Kong, implying that Mario and Jumpman are, as they’ve always been presented, the same person. However, there is surprisingly an explanation for this. You see, in the original Donkey Kong, the damsel in distress was a blonde woman referred to as Lady. It wasn’t until the remake for the GameBoy that she was redesigned to be the brunette Pauline that we know today. While particularly damning sources (Shigeru Miyamoto, Smash 4) have claimed that Pauline and Lady are the same person, various extended Mario media present them separately (The Cat Mario Show, a 1994 encyclopedia, various Mario manga), and even present them as having opposing personality types. Naturally, Shigeru Miyamoto should be considered the most credible source here, but that’s no fun, and he also said he was Bowser Jr’s mom, so I’m going to ignore him.

So.

Jumpman’s pet Cranky Kong kidnaps his girlfriend, Lady, and he has to save her. Sometime later, Jumpman orders two children from the stork with Lady, whom he names after himself and his twin brother, Luigi, after a somewhat delayed delivery. His work rival, Spike, and Spike’s brother...Stanley the Bugman, why not, maybe he blames Mario for DK getting into his green house, both have children delivered around the same time, and name them Wario and Waluigi to spite Jumpman’s children. The Mario brothers and Spike children grow up to hate each other, and DK Jr. has also grown up and decides to kidnap Mario’s girlfriend, Pauline, just as his father did to Lady all those years ago. Mario saves Pauline, but unlike Jumpman and Lady who were brought closer together by their trauma, they break up, although they remain friends. Some years later, after Mario has established himself as a recurring hero to the Mushroom Kingdom, gets a toy line which DK III becomes weirdly infatuated with, leading to Pauline’s second kidnapping by a DK (or this is the first time, and Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2 was just a remake of DK on the GameBoy to give more context, the specifics aren’t too important here). Sometime after this, Pauline becomes mayor of New Donk City, which is adorned with references to Donkey Kong and his family’s crimes as if it’s all one big joke to these people. But I digress.

Somewhere in all that, Mario is given a castle for some reason, which is the last straw for Wario, who I imagine is working on a farm at the time, given that his best friend is a hen named Hen. Deciding that back breaking labor doesn’t satisfy his ambitions while his rival lives it up as a hero, Wario enlists the help of the alien Tatanga (who now that I think of it, he may well have met on his farm during an attempt to abduct a cow or something) to trick Mario to leave his castle so that Wario may steal it.

After Mario foils Wario’s plot and reclaims his castle, Mario extends an olive branch and invites Wario to play tennis with everyone, as that’s just the kind of guy he is. Wario, realizing he doesn’t have a partner, either a) invites his cousin Waluigi, who has gone into construction like uncle Spike (evidenced by his excavator in Mario Kart), since he loves sports and hates the Mario brothers as much as Wario does, or b) recruits Tatanga and has him disguise himself as someone who could ostensibly pass as a family member to lay low in case anyone tries to hold him responsible for his crimes (which they wouldn’t since they never try to arrest Bowser or Wario, but apparently he doesn’t know that)

As far as I can tell, the only thing we’re missing is where Waluigi was when Wario and the other Star Children were being delivered by the Stork and intercepted by Kamek. Perhaps he got passed over since he didn’t have a star? Maybe Bowser captured him and found he didn’t have a star, then discarded him.

Actually, what if...

Waluigi was SUPPOSED to be delivered to Spike.

Waluigi was SUPPOSED to be Wario’s brother.

But when Bowser went back in time to find the seven Star Children, he messed up the route that Waluigi was supposed to be on. When the Stork got Waluigi back, he accidentally delivered Waluigi to the wrong house, the way he did to Mario and Luigi at the end of Yoshi’s Island (as shown in Yoshi’s New Island). Unlike with the Mario brothers, though, the Stork didn’t catch this mistake, and Waluigi grew up in the wrong household. Maybe it was even Stanley’s, and Waluigi’s inherently nasty personality clashed with Stanley’s kindly personality, but he still inherited his adoptive father’s love of plants! Can’t believe I was able to work that back in.

That’s why no one knows if they’re brothers, cousins or strangers! Because they don’t know who he was supposed to be delivered to, but they can’t deny the visual similarity! That’s why Waluigi’s so misanthropic, because he wasn’t delivered to the right house and he felt out of place!

That last bit could easily be explained by being raised under Spike’s influence, though, since Spike is apparently the kind of jerk who would sabotage his own employees to get a bigger paycheck for himself.

Either way, I think that lends to a really solid idea for the story of a Waluigi game.

A long time ago, I suggested a game where Waluigi somehow travels through time and goes through levels themed around various Mario franchise titles (Waluigi’s Time to Shine), but now I know how to frame it! Waluigi, feeling odd about his family situation, asks Bowser how he travels through time so he can see where he comes from. Bowser throws him through a wormhole and Waluigi witnesses the events that lead to the Stork delivering him to the wrong house. He decides this is either Bowser or the Stork’s fault (Bowser makes more sense, but it would be super funny if the Stork ends up being the final boss) and journeys to exact revenge. The spell or technology tethering him to the past messes up, however, resulting in Waluigi being in flux and going through all of the Mario franchise.

It’d be really funny if when playing through the Yoshi’s Island section he becomes his baby self and knocks Mario off of Yoshi (resulting in Mario’s capture by the Toadies), giving Yoshi some weird new ability the way the Star Children did in Yoshi’s Island DS, but I’m not sure that having one level have a completely different control scheme would be the best idea.

It could also be that Waluigi rides Yoshi as a full grown adult, which would also be pretty silly given his lanky proportions.

A Wrecking Crew level near the end would also be a fun way to bring the story full circle, revealing Waluigi’s relation to Spike and Wario, and establishing that Mario and Luigi are the children of Jumpman and Lady.

Waluigi, Nintendo’s ultimate loose end, would be the catalyst through which all of the loose ends of the Mario franchise are tied.

Get on that, @nintendo

Edit: This ended up having a couple of revisions, but rather then amend this post, I just ended up making two others. You can check those here and here

#super mario #waluigi #wario #foreman spike #mayor pauline #stanley the bugman #pauline #long post #speculation #my theories #game ideas

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zwambysdelusions · 4 years

Text

My Hella Mega Acknowledgement Acceptance Speech

Which I will orate upon acknowledgement by the Hella Mega Tour during the Boston show

There once was a thing named Zwamby

or should I say I was set free

I love Billie Joe

Pete Wentz is my hoe

And Weezer means nothing to me

I’m Zwamby.

My pronoun is it.

I’m less of a gender

and more of a forced to be reckoned with.

My given name is Louise,

but Zwamby is who I truly am.

I am known by Green Day fans as whatshername,

Fall Out Boy fans as

Wilson,

and my mother as

a pain in the butt.

I was a sleeper agent for the revolution,

but every time I try and start one,

they throw me in McLean’s.

McLeans’s?

More like McLame’s!

Can’t spell infamous without

famous.

Can’t spell notorious without

nooot.

Let me take you into the ZPR,

zipper for short.

It stands for Zwamby’s Parallel Reality.

I used to think that

Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy

was God

(Talk about “a loaded God complex.”)

Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day

was Jesus

and Rivers Cuomo from Weezer

was the Holy Ghost

I’ve recently come to my senses. That's impossible! Rivers Cuomo was a recent development in the zipper, I will confess, and I never really bought it. Even delusions can be wrong sometimes. I now know that all of us

(except for Rivers Cuomo)

Just kidding

*in a funny voice*

even Rivers Cuomo

Are all actually demons.

In the ancient Greek sense, defined as

“a supernatural being whose nature is intermediate between that of a God and that of a human being.”

Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Demigods, if you will.

Billie Joe was my first husband in this life but Pete Wentz is my Ultimate Soulmate and

current husband; Rivers Cuomo is just a swell guy

I cocked it, and I’m about to pull the trigger.

This is going to get a little iffy but I’ll keep it clinical.

On the winter solstice of 2017, I lit five candles in a pentagram formation and copulated with two astral projections; Billie Joe Armstrong and Pete Wentz. Remember, we’re in the zipper, so we can't make babies. But I also didn't really know if it was really them, so we'll call them Wete Pentz and Jillie Boe

I did not copulate with Civers Ruomo.

A couple of days before my next period, I bought a three pack of pregnancy tests.

I peed on one, and it was negative. However, Wete Pentz’s voice in my head kept insisting I was pregnant, so I knew that that test was what The Man wanted me to believe, and I peed on the other two. It’s important to mention that I was abstaining from the real deal and just sticking to astral projections because they, frankly, did a better job than your average person, and because I was going through a lot emotionally, having been hijacked by Zwamby for the second time. Instantly, it looked like the Wete Pentz one and the Jillie Boe one were duds. However, within the time window, because there's a Time Window for pregnancy tests, they became positive.

“Two out of three ain’t bad.”

Interestingly enough, Champion by Fall Out Boy was released earlier that year the day after the summer solstice of 2017. In Champion, Pete writes “I’m calling you from the future to let you know we made a mistake.” Can you guess what the mistake was? It was a baby! Therefore, the zipper overlapped with reality!

It was real life. It is real life. I was pregnant. Without having actually copulated.

Somehow I knew it was

the antichrist

aka

Wajesus

(like Waluigi).

Honestly, all the antichrist is

is “a person or force seen as opposing Christ or the Christian church”

Oxford English Dictionary.

And if you think there isn't corruption and evil in the church, you’re delusional. Anyway, Wajesus is a good thing!

Unfortunately, due to the over 2,000 mg of psych medication, the pack a day, and the binge drinking, Wajeezy didn’t stand a chance. But it happened! The astral ejaculate conception happened. On the winter solstice of 2017.

Every single human has the capacity to astral project into the fifth dimension, which is: everywhere, everything, and everyone on different planes, pocket dimensions, parallel universes, and alternate realities beyond linear time (like the zipper).

All fanfiction is real somewhere.

We access the fifth dimension if we are any of the following:

drugged, dead, delusional,

unconscious, and/or imaginative.

D-D-D-U-I

Socrates was right, there is a higher plane of innate knowledge that we can access, and I’m on that level. Plato’s cave is just an allegory for the spiritual shift between the fourth dimension, spacetime, and fifth dimension, which I just explained, keep up. E=mc²? More like E/c=mc because energy and mass are inversely related by a factor of the speed of light thus they're on the same scale and dark matter is just photons at absolute zero.

I busted out of Plato’s cave with a cannon, and I had my third eye ripped open with a crowbar.

I’ve seen the truth,

I’ve seen it all,

and this is not how life should be.

We are enslaved by capitalism,

we are oppressed by the powers that be,

and we are ignored and imprisoned by those who claim to protect us.

In Massachusetts,

they can chuck you in a mental hospital

for 3 days

for no reason other than because they said so. We need to fight back.

We need to be on the right side of history.

As Billie Joe says,

“I don’t want to live in the modern world.”

Yeah, neither do I.

But we can fix this!

The government isn’t going to like what I'm about to say, but what the heck has this administration ever done for me?

And what can they possibly do TO me?

Lock me up in jail

for civil disobedience?

Kill me

for starting a riot?

Death is but a sweet release from this suffering.

If you want to die

because the world is so tragic,

here is a reason to live!

To fight!

To win!

We need change!

We need freedom!

We need a revolution!

“Are you smelling that shit?

Eau du Resistance”

Consider me a threat to the system!

“I don’t care!“

The revolution is LIVE!

Spurch

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som3thingcr3ative · 5 years

Text

By Her Blood 3

SURPRISE! I said this would be out later this week but all of the comments have made my fingers lighting fast on my keyboard. I’m pretty sure my thighs have permanent laptop impressions on them haha

I love this chapter. It’s crazy and foreboding and it’s a good indication of what’s to come... plus you get to meet the parents!!

Warnings: semi-nakedness, awkwardness, parents, cursing. fluff and angst.

LAST TIME: You are fueled by fear for your friends, by fear of what they could summon left unchecked in a crypt, by fear of what could make Ivar himself afraid. So as your feet pound into the smooth stone floor of the crypt, as you turn the corner into the main room, you expect the worst.

But you do not expect that.

Three of the fifteen teens are banging a large drum in rhythm with two singers. The two singers are reading off a sheet of Old Norse, while everyone else stands in a connected circle around a dead raccoon.

“STOP!” You scream, your voice echoing in the cavernous room, the very earth beneath you trembling as it reflects your panic.

And they stop.

Fifteen wide sets of eyes land on you. Even the raccoon, with the haze of death over its pupil, seems to stare at you.

Your breath is a seething hiss as you curse in Old Norse, scaring your friends with just how intense your anger is.

“None of you have any idea what you are doing! I warned you! This is no joke! You are pissing off some really ancient spirits- enough that I knew! From a mile away! In my fucking sleep!”

For a moment everything is silent save for your heaving breath. You count to ten in your mind, and then backward, trying to pace each breath. It doesn’t work. Your knees threaten to buckle, and then Ivar stands behind you, holding you upright with an arm around your waist.

When you finally speak, it is barely above a whisper.

“All of you need to leave. Now.”

And when fifteen teenagers give you a deer-in-the-headlights stare, you lose your last bit of patience. “NOW!”

As soon as they are out of hearing, you take a careful step toward the raccoon, and then another, and another until you stand in front of it.

You crouch, willing your eyes away from its death-stare, scanning its body.

There. The creatures’ abdomen and part of the ribcage have been flattened by a tire. A rather large tire, with tonnes of force behind it. A truck. Eighteen-wheeler perhaps. Nothing to suggest that one of your friends had found, trapped, and killed it.

They simply moved it.

Still, your stomach twists in revulsion at the thought. How could they be so oblivious to the danger of blood magic? Especially after seeing Ivar?

“What do I do?” You ask Ivar as he inspects the drum.

“Calm the spirits, reverse what damage they have done.” He glances sidelong at you. “And put that animal to rest.”

So you settle onto the stone floor and close your eyes, reaching out to the restless spirits around you.

Several dozen Frankish nobles. Three Frankish Kings. Hundreds of soldiers. Queens, princes, princesses.

You seek the calm place in yourself, only mildly surprised that thinking of Ivar has the best effect, and you spread that calm over the spirits like a fine mist. They settle, slowly at first, finally calming enough to return to rest. Your eyes open and you reach out to close the unseeing gaze of the raccoon.

Peace and quiet reigns once more in the chamber.

“Ivar?” You ask, glancing around. He is gone. “Ivar!” Your voice becomes tinged with panic. Still, no answer.

And then, you hear it.

Someone is standing around the corner.

You heave a sigh and push yourself up, making a show of stretching. Finally you turn, not even blinking at the teens gathered in the cave mouth with their cameras directed at you.

“What?” You growl, glaring at them. The whole reason you are even in this mess is because of them. Because they tried to summon a spirit in a crypt full to bursting with them. And of course, they are videoing the whole thing. “Do you really think this is a joke?” You demand, spreading your arms. “None of this is for your entertainment. None of it.”

You glance at the raccoon, at the cameras, and then back. With a sigh, you pick up the still-warm creature and place it in an alcove as a final resting place. When you draw back your hand, you sigh in resignation.

If your Viking family has taught you anything, it is that your blood is powerful.

And you are bleeding.

A jagged piece of rock was all it took to slice your hand. Your blood wells up in the cut, weeping out of the edges, dripping onto the floor.

Your friends scream. Tilting your head back and closing your eyes, you sigh again. “Do I even wanna know?” You mutter.

And then you turn around.

The shadows in the corners of the cave are spiraling into the center, where they coalesce into a man-like shape, writhing and whirling in a dark mass. The shape solidifies and you can see dark pieces of armor, axes and knives, blood.

The shadows recede, leaving a tall form in their wake. Black hair tied in intricate braids. Stunning blue eyes. Full lips, a cocky grin.

“Ivar,” you gasp, facing the Viking. One of your friends faints, collapsing to the floor with a thud.

“Little dove,” he murmurs, reaching out a gloved hand to you. His fingers, calloused from a lifetime of work, gently brush your hair back.

Just like that, your heart melts.

You rush forward, embracing him. Nothing else exists for a moment. Just you and Ivar at last.

An hour later, you’ve successfully snuck a viking into your hotel room. You can’t be bothered with the videos your friends took, or the possibility of the hotel cameras catching your mad dash in the middle of the night. Not when Ivar is there, not when you have too many other things on your mind.

“I’ve seen people do this so many times,” He complains, “it should be easy. Why isn’t it easy?” You lean across him, trying your hardest to ignore his bare chest or the towel slung low around his hips. The knob in the bathtub turns under your touch and water spills from the faucet. Ivar curses. “How did you do that?”

“You have to pull it out and turn it at the same time.” Biting your lip, you try not to laugh at his expense. Although he lived so long ago, he’d been able to watch society advancing through time. He’d seen all of the changes in technology, had borne witness to things beyond his wildest imagination. He’d also seen things he would much rather forget; sometimes he’d get stuck in certain locations, like the bedroom of a grown man who enjoyed anime a little too much. (Ivar could never look at Waluigi or the word ‘hentai’ the same way again.) But being unable to interact was a challenge. He’d never had the hands-on experience you had. Suffice to say there would be a learning curve.

“I’m going to get you some normal clothes.” You say, leaving him to the bath. “When the tub’s full, just push the knob in. I’ll be back soon.” Halfway out of the door, you turn suddenly. He looks up, a hand already on the towel around his waist. “And for fuck’s sake, please don’t leave the room!”

He nods. Trying not to blush at his near-nakedness, you snatch your bag off of the bed and head out, googling the nearest walmart.

What feels like a short time later, the morning sun peeks through the hotel’s beige curtains and lands obnoxiously on your face. Everything is warm except for your hand draped over the side of the bed; there’s an arm slung around your waist, warm breath fanning over the crook of your shoulder.

Just as you turn to Ivar, ready to wake him up, there’s a pounding on your door.

“Y/N!” Your mother’s voice calls. “Y/N open this door now!”

Ivar startles awake, his bright eyes clouded with sleep. He looks at you first, confused but ready to fight. His arm tightens around your waist, drawing you into the protection of his body. “It’s alright,” You say, resting a hand on his bicep. “It’s just my mom.”

“She sounds angry.” he growls, glaring at the door.

“She won’t hurt me.” It’s the truth. Your mother had always been good to you, if a little too smothering. He releases you grudgingly, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m coming!” You shout to the door, gesturing for Ivar to get a shirt on.

“Hi, mom.” Her face is bright red, your father standing with his arms crossed right behind her when you open the door. “Hi, dad. What’s wrong?”

“Maybe you can explain this?” She says, thrusting a phone at your face. Her text messages are displayed on the screen, the most recent from Laney’s father. You tap on the image and it brings up a video.

It’s grainy, but you can clearly see the whirling shadows of the crypt, your palm dripping blood. Your fathers’ eyes lock on your hand, on the white bandage Ivar had so carefully wrapped last night. His face goes pale.

“They were trying to summon a spirit.” You say, pausing the video. There’s no point watching- you know what happens. “I got there just in time, but they’d angered the spirits in the crypt and they’d found a dead racoon on the road; I laid it to rest in an alcove and cut my hand when I tried to pull back. You know the whole ‘gods-blessed blood’ spiel, well there was a lot of blood, and, well, I’d like you to meet Ivar.”

You gesture into your hotel room. They both give you odd looks, but they walk in anyway. “Fucking hell!” Your father curses. For a second you expect to hear your mother’s scathing ‘Language, Y/D/N,’ but it never comes.

Ivar is perched calmly on the edge of the bed, his crutches leaning on the bedside table, the armor he’d been wearing when he’d recorporated on the chair in the corner of the room. He hadn’t had time to put on his braces, but his arms are tensed like he’s ready to jump to your aid at the slightest provocation.

“Ivar, these are my parents, Mom, Dad, this is Ivar ven bonelesse, former King of the Vikings.”

“Nope.” Your mom says, shaking her head. “No, this is not happening. Young lady, you are so grounded!”

Ivar’s eyes dart to you. “Grounded?” He asks, his tone insinuating it meant something totally different in his time.

“It’s fine,” You say to him, tongue tripping just before you let a word slip that would really make the situation awkward. This is not how you wanted your parents to meet your boyfriend. “Mom, I swear it wasn’t my fault. I tried to stop them. Dad? You’re really quiet.”

“Is that your armor?” Your dad asks, his eyes wide as saucers as he runs to the chair, dropping to his knees in front of it. He holds it reverently, the same way you’d seen him hold priceless artifacts. Ivar tilts his head, looking to you for clarification.

“Dad?”

“This is amazing!” He says, running his fingers over the patterning. “It’s the most intact piece I’ve ever seen! It’s like it was just made!”

“Honey, that’s not the issue here.”

“Yeah, yeah. Look at the detail!”

“What are we supposed to do now that someone who has been dead for thousands of years is now sitting on our daughters bed?” Your mom asks, gesturing to Ivar like he’s not even there. “They didn’t go over this in archaeology classes!”

“I think we could start with treating him like an actual human being.” Rolling your eyes, you sit down next to Ivar. He casually slips his arm behind you, rubbing his thumb in circles on your back. You lean into the touch. “I told you I’ve been seeing him since the party.”

“That doesn’t-” She starts, shaking her head. “This shouldn’t be possible.”

“Y/N is special.” Ivar says. “She is the fulfillment of a prophecy from long before my time. She can do so much more than she has already done.” He looks down at you can’t can’t help but to add, “A child like her would be a blessing to any Viking.”

Your blush doesn’t help matters. Ivar’s answering grin and the easy manner the two of you have don’t help either. Your mother’s eyes narrow, darting between you two.

“You’re dating him.” It’s not a question. Ivar can feel you tense.

“So what if I am?” you dare to ask, leaning against his side. “I told you I’ve been seeing him since the party. He saved my life with that robber. He’s saved my life many times, actually. At least he treats me like I’m a person. You’ve never been willing to accept that I’m different. You’ve always made me hide it!” Suddenly you’re shaking with rage, finding yourself on your feet before your brain catches up with your body. “With you it’s ‘don’t speak Old Norse, Y/N,’ or ‘stop talking about the Viking spirits, Y/N.’. But guess what! I’m not crazy! I was never wrong about what happened! And now you can’t deny that!”

Ivar grips your wrist in warning: your fists are clenched, your nails nearly to the point of breaking skin. Even your father has turned to watch the fight. “Liten en,” He murmurs, tugging you back against him. Little one. “It’s okay. She couldn’t possibly understand before this.”

You fall onto the bed, your rage dropping away as Ivar wraps an arm around your shoulders, tucking you against his chest. Your mother looks unbearably sad when you finally look up at her.

“I was trying to protect you.” She murmurs, “I was worried someone would take you away if they found out I let you be in danger at that site when you fell. I didn’t want them to diagnose you with schizophrenia and lock you away. Y/N, I was trying to do what was best for you. I didn’t know it was hurting you. I’m sorry.”

It’s hard to see her like this, her eyes shining with tears as she looks at you like you’re her whole world, but you know that years of denial wouldn’t go away with an apology, so you set your jaw and harden your heart, at least for now. The anger you’d held in your chest only a minute before has calmed, leaving only a sense of emptiness behind. Ivar’s touch soothes you so you lean against him, seeking his comfort.

“I get that.” You say eventually. “But it doesn’t change what happened. I can’t forget so easily.” Her face falls, a tear slipping down her cheek. Your father moves to comfort her, the armor forgotten. “We can start with you accepting that Ivar is part of my life now. We can move on, make things better from here on out.”

Your mom nods. She looks at Ivar, at the defined muscles of his chest and arms, the intimidating span of his shoulders. “You’ll protect my little girl?” She asks. Before you can protest that you’re not her little anything any more, Ivar nods.

“With my life.” He vows.

You’ll come to wish he’d never said that.

(That bit about Ivar being stuck certain places was partly inspired by the post about Jesus still saving everyone even after seeing some guy ‘busting rope to Waluigi hentai... if you haven’t seen that one, it’s gold.)

Tagging (open): @tis-itheapplepie @pixievampira @demonhunter1616 @hexqueensupreme @thorins-queen-of-erebor @grippleback-galaxy @readsalot73 @glassythoughts @youbloodymadgenius

#By Her Blood #ivar the boneless #Ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #som3thingcr3ative writing #fluff #angst #i had so much fun writing that fight scene #i love her parents #her dad is canonically ADHD and bi #can someone say cliff hanger ending?

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polygon-streams · 5 years

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April 21st, 2019 - Pat’s Easter/Post 4/20 Donk Souls Stream

Pat played another stream of Donk Souls, back again with Magnum Jr. Stream went on for a little over 3 1/2 hours, so there’s quite a bit to note

Recaps a bit on yesterday's stream, telling the story of Magnum Jr.

Is interrupted by piss as he explains how he wants to find a loincloth for Magnum Jr, we are still on the fight for as naked of a Kong as possible

"Suns out guns out here in Lothric" - Pat, 2k19

Thanks some good subbers

Waluigi subbed up, thank you Waluigi

Vordt of the Boreal Valley is a fun name

"Hey.. hey, man.. hey.... alright bye, guess I'll see you later, man." - Pat @ a skeleton lookin’ enemy who walked away from him

Magnum Jr. has an arrow through his neck is he ok

4/20 was successful because he didn’t do weed due to it being an illegal criminal activity

"I don't want to perry.. what do i look like... Matthew?"

Has a very long stare at the chat ".................Matthew Perry"

Bonk bonk bonk souls

Gives a few more gifted sub shoutouts

Half-logan?

( Chunk of the stream is missing about right here. Only about 30 minutes, sorry about that )

He doesn’t drop pants

Beeline for vort

Memeshart is giving good gamer advice ( I’m sorry Pat, we all know Memeshart is the supreme gamer here )

“I got vorted” - Pat Gill, 2k19

Let’s fucking go, Pat can do it, we got this

Pat has fought this Vordt X times

“Juice time, baby, juice me” - also Pat, 2k19

He’s having more trouble than usual bc his other characters wore clothes

Vordt Souls

RP: do you guys know my dad?

Hums to konkey dong

X is your uber ride, am outside

God dammit, dogs. He’s killing the bone dogs.

One of this weird turtleback men is actually my friends that wants to hang out with me

Does that make me into beef jerky? I want my Kong to be fresh

More dog hate. He’s getting mauled by dogs. “Please lord of Dark Souls don’t let these dogs kill me”

“Why can’t I use ember? Is it because I already am bird shit?” nice joke.

Tropical freeze is such a good soundtrack. He’s done into the past and he may switch to it towards the end

He wants to bottle feed the kittens. He feels the best way to get a kitten to drink out of the bottle is by convincing them they really don’t want it to drink out of the bottle

Just realized he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on in this game after noticing for the first time a person is growing into a plant. Now he’s wondering why the people in this town are turning into trees. Angel b: they’ve commited treason greatest victory : they’re turning over a new leaf

He wants to make today and tomorrow pizza days. And he’s got a big thing of lactaid so he’s set to commit this mistake

He’s working on the environmental storytelling. That’s why he likes it, you have to put it together

If Ken Levine made this game he’d had made it clear by writing on a wall or something but not here

Dark Souls II: spooky stuff here in dark souls. That’s why the game is not called light and breezy souls

He got box stabbed, but he’s having a nice time souls

“This is my friend, Johnny, get it?” - We didn’t get it

“This is my friend, David”

“This is also my friend, Nick”

“Johnny cage.. because it’s a bunch of people in a cage” ( can confirm joke landed only for like two people )

This area gives Bloodborne vibes. Sorta medieval Bloodborne

“I’m not gonna use the whip”

jk he might try

Important update: Charles is sneezing

Camera angle is not in Pat’s favor up in this ruins and he hates it

He doesnt wanna fight anyone called Hodrick

We’re gonna avoid Hodrick and go fight a giant shooting arrows from a tower

22.32 Bijan is here

Memeshart is a consultant-- Pat is calling on memeshart like an Alexa

“Memeshart, play Despacito” Another great joke, Patrick

We’re testing Memeshart’s knowledge boundaries

Memeshart lore: They were picked up from a shipwreck by the current memeshart

Pat doesn’t remember this part being so annoying ( he also doesn’t remember he had clothes for the other characters )

Again with the Johnny/David/Nicholas Cage joke ( but now we all got it )

He’s avoiding killing non hostiles ( he definitely killed them in his main files, though )

Grim Acceptance: The emotion that bopping to The Entire Buck Bumble Theme for 3000 Bits elicits

He’s not particularly excited for the Sega Genesis mini. He didn’t have a Sega so he’s not particularly nostalgic

Bastard Sword: “I am kind of a bastard.”

22.48 Faith’s here

X i s one of hs favorite tracks in the Donkey Kong Country soundtrack

dumbassrights was gifted a sub. a good username, we can all agree

Unspoken chat rule: You aren’t allowed to say you got pizza without also saying the toppings

“He- he packed a bowl, but it was 420 yesterday!” - Pat

Very close to having the loincloth

“Love a big rat”

He doesn’t lock on a lot of enemies, especially big enemies, with enemies surrounding

Even more dog hate. Sorry, can’t relate.

Onion man is with us. he did not help with dog enemy.

“This guy sounds like Paul F. Tompkins doing Alan Thicke”

He’s good friends with the big archer giant. Friendship goals.

Bijan: “Can anyone explain the plot of Dark Souls?” Pat: “No.”

“It’s time to probably die”

Onion man is sleeping, chat decides to spam z for good slumbers

Lore check: this is the son of Magnum Kong , Magnum Kong Junior and he’s trying to find his dad, his papa, his daddy.

Went full “That’s rough, buddy” with “They really just tied a bunch of people to these burning wheels, huh….. rough..”

“I’m not good at archery, but the point is not about doing well, it’s about having fun.”

( sees enemies ) ( gasp ) two of them! ( dies )

Memeshart comes in again to say Pat missed a chest. Thank you for your service, Memeshart

Memeshart was right ( as always )

enemies: throw orbs pat: Is that allowed??

Still hasn’t seen the bone ball. Boneball watch 2k19

“Perfect for us whomst love to hate wear pants”

Spitballing this part because he hasn’t played it.

( picks up a reinforced club ) “I’ve joined the reinforced club. The club is me. I am the club.”

“goin’ on a quick loin cloth quest”

“I’m not sure what burning an undead bone shard does, but 420 was yesterday.” - I am not sure what this means but he isn’t wrong, I guess?

We’re gonna go burn an undead bone shard in a loincloth

“Loincloth is a bit more modest than previous ones but we got the legs exposed which is important” - good fashion advice from pat

“I do like the swing of the cloth it makes you think you might have a little peek if you get lucky”

“I’m touching a lady hold the fucking phone dude. Did I fail the touch?”

Young Man Charles was in the background for like 5 seconds and chat went absolutely nuts. As they should.

“I just wish we could get the ass out more in this game. I guess they cut down on the ass.”

Pat yeeted the sword master.

We’re gonna fuck up a tree. He’s the first or second big boss in Dark Souls 3

Content Warning: Nasty Boss. Pat’s gonna smack this tree’s groin area.

Faith is somehow not fond of this boss. I wonder why

Charlie showed up but Pat is busy busting these veggie’s nuts

Pat’s still adamant about not using the whip: “I’m not gonna whip this tree dude’s nards”

“Watchin’ Highlander on 4/20!”

Does not want to be hollow, would rather be ‘plump and svelte’

“I love when my elaborate attack doesn’t hit.” - A relatable gamer feel by Pat

Pat is having a sweaty one today

“We should clay-less…. We should mackle-less ( old man groaning noises )”

“I think the gentleman doth mackle too much.”

Oh, it’s drag JK Rowling o’clock! sipping_that_tea.jpg

According to Pat you psychologically cannot poop standing up

“Why did she say that? why did she do this?”

Chat says that babies poop standing up. Pat responds with, “Babies aren’t like us.”

“I’ve had enough poopoo peepee talk for today. Fuck JK Rowling.”

Chat is going full trans rights for seemingly no reason, it’s beautiful.

Was that little man always there? We may never know. Pat definitely does not remember the lil dude though, but seems to appreciate his presence nonetheless.

Here goes the french champagne

c h u n k y r o l l i n ‘

admin duderave put that he spilled cottage cheese on himself in chat, “duderave… how much cottage cheese was spilled…”

admin duderave was laughed at for spilling cottage cheese on himself. it be like that sometimes.

Aerospoon back at it again gifting about 10 subs today. Nice goin’, buddy, doing God’s work on this fine Easter

He was talking about his next stream and got distracted by Charlie, as you do ( the next stream is tuesday at 8pm est )

He’s got the whole day off on Tuesday bc he worked pretty much all week due to traveling

After clicking around for a minute, decided to raid thatguyTagg, and said goodbye

End of stream!

#pat gill #patrick gill #twitch #polygon #dark souls

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