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flourish-and-firebolts · 1 year

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L'hésitation de Patmol, Quatrième Partie. Avec Sirius Black x OC (Club des Maraudeurs, Harry Potter) 🐾

❀ Première Partie, Deuxième Partie, Troisième Partie

❀ Cette mini fanfiction raconte l'idylle entre Sirius Black et mon OC, Lysandra Lufkin.

❀ A part Lysandra Lufkin, tous les personnages cités sont issus de l'univers Harry Potter, créé par le génie de J.K Rowling.

❀ Les maraudeurs entament leur cinquième année à Poudlard et le béguin de Sirius pour la belle Lysandra Lufkin n'échappe pas aux yeux observateurs de James. Celui-ci pense qu'en rapprochant les deux tourtereaux, il obtiendrait l'attention de Lily. Une histoire d'amour singulière naît alors entre les deux jeunes sorciers. Sirius pensait tout savoir d'elle mais se rend très vite compte qu'il ne pouvait pas plus se tromper à son sujet.

❀ “J'ai toujours pensé que tu étais le soleil et que moi j'étais la tornade qui te balaierais. J'avais tort. Tu n'es pas lumineuse. Tu as une part d'ombre toi aussi, que tu dissimules derrière des sourires et ton altruisme. ”, Sirius Black à Lysandra Lufkin

Sirius fut réveillé quelques heures plus tard par une lueur bleue. Le mugissement du vent avait été remplacé par le clapotis relaxant de la pluie. Il tâtonna ses draps, à la recherche de sa baguette magique, à peine conscient de ce qui se passait autour de lui.

- Ne mets pas ta baguette si près de son visage,entendit-il Remus chuchoter. Tu vas finir par le blesser.

Il ouvrit les paupières en marmonnant et découvrit trois paires d'yeux braquées sur lui. James brandissait sa baguette en sa direction, dessinant une ombre vacillante sur les visages de ses compères. Il fallut quelques minutes à Sirius pour émerger totalement de sa torpeur.

- Qu'est-ce que vous me voulez ?grommela-t-il.

- James a quelque chose à te dire.

L'intéressé releva brusquement la tête vers Remus, le maudissant à voix basse. Le lycanthrope se contenta de le bousculer avec son épaule. Il s'empourpra. Sirius haussa un sourcil, l'air de le défier de dire quelque chose qui valait la peine d'être entendu. James poussa un soupir mais capitula finalement.

- Je suis désolé de t'avoir piégé,lâcha-t-il en se grattant l'arcade sourcilière. Je pensais vraiment t'aider en faisant cela.

Sirius se redressa et haussa les épaules, sa façon de lui signifier qu'il l'avait déjà oublié même si le souvenir du visage triste de Lysandra brûlait encore dans sa mémoire. Il jeta un coup d'œil par la fenêtre. Le croissant de lune brillait avec désinvolture dans l'épaisseur des nuages noirs d'encre. Il massa l'arête de son nez en soupirant de nouveau. Ses amis ne le quittaient pas des yeux.

- Quoi encore ?

- On t'a ramené quelques snacks de la cuisine, répondit Peter en montrant des sacs pleins à craquer au pied de son lit.

Ils descendirent à pas feutrés dans la salle commune, prenant garde à ne pas tirer leurs camarades de leur sommeil. Ils se regroupèrent tous dans le canapé rouge qui faisait face à la cheminée. Peter déballa sa marchandise volée sur le sol. Sirius se rendit compte que son estomac gargouillait et se jeta aussitôt sur les tartes à la mélasse.

Ils engloutirent leurs victuailles en silence. James et Remus évitaient soigneusement le regard de Sirius et Peter était sur le qui-vive, impatient de savoir qui allait parler le premier. Remus se leva et disparut dans les escaliers en colimaçon. Sirius s'attarda à peine sur le départ de Remus, concentrant toutes ses pensées sur le morceau de jambon qu'il fourra dans sa bouche.

Remus revint des minutes plus tard, chargé de livres et de parchemins. James le regarda comme s'il assistait à un crime.

- Qu'est-ce que tu fais ?

- Je prends de l'avance sur mes cours,expliqua Remus.

- Mais...pourquoi ?

- Tu as jeté un coup d'œil au calendrier récemment ?

James eut une moue de réflexion et son visage s'éclaira.

- Petite balade nocturne en perspective, n'est-ce pas ?

- D'ailleurs, j'espère que vous avez pu vous dégoter vos feuilles de mandragores,rugit-il en déroulant un parchemin. N'oubliez pas, vous devrez en garder une dans la bouche entre les deux prochaines pleines lunes.

- Pour qui tu nous prends ?s'offusquèrent Sirius et James en chœur.

Ils échangèrent un regard entendu. Remus les soupçonna de n'avoir pas encore réalisé la seule tâche qui leur avait été confiée. Il se promit de demander lui-même quelques feuilles au professeur Garlic avant de quitter le château la semaine suivante.

Il retrouva sa place dans le fauteuil, coincé entre Sirius et Peter. Il ouvrit son livre sur les genoux de ce dernier et s'attaqua à l'étude de schémas. Sirius y jeta un coup d'œil par-dessus son épaule et découvrit le schéma de l'objet le plus étrange qu'il n'eut jamais vu. Il fut cependant subjugué par les courbes des différentes pièces en métal représentées. Quoi qu'il fût, l'objet sous ses yeux ne faisait pas partie du monde des sorciers. Il lut la légende en bas du schéma :

La motocyclette, un symbole de liberté et de rébellion.

Un court texte accompagnait le dessin, apparemment tracé à la main par Remus. Il le parcourut en silence, s'émerveillant de chaque détail, allant de l'invention à la popularisation de l'objet dans le monde des moldus. Comment se déplaçaient-ils sur une telle beauté ? Fendaient-ils les airs sur leurs selles, filant à travers les étoiles et rugissant comme des dragons ? Ou alors, glissaient-ils sur le sol, arpentant les montagnes tels des serpents ? Sirius s'émerveilla du génie dont les moldus faisaient preuve pour inventer les moyens de transports. Chaque début de septembre, il les remerciait secrètement d'avoir mis au point les trains qui se révélèrent bien plus confortables que les manches à balais pour les voyages de longue durée.

Symbole de liberté et de rébellion, relut-il. Il pensa à l'arbre généalogique de sa famille qui illustrait la tapisserie du 12 square Grimmaurd et fut frappé de l'envie irrépressible de faire l'acquisition d'une moto.

- Ce sont tes cours d'étude des moldus ?s'intéressa également Peter en se penchant sur le parchemin de Remus.

Il acquiesça distraitement, son index survolant les pages de son livre.

- Qui se charge de prendre des notes pour toi quand tu es absent ?

- Lily et Lysandra m'aident beaucoup.

A l'évocation de son prénom, un nouveau silence tomba, percé de temps à autre par le crépitement du feu dans la cheminée et le frottement de la plume de Remus sur son parchemin.

James se lança :

- J'ai hâte de me retrouver sur le terrain demain. Le premier match de la saison, Gryffondor contre Poufsouffle, ça promet d'être épique.

Ils se concertèrent du regard et se mirent à brailler, imitant une foule en délire, comme si la victoire leur appartenait déjà. Remus fut aussitôt enchanté de prononcer ses pronostics, prédisant des scores serrés entre les deux maisons. Sirius s'affala sur le tapis rouge et or.

- Ce n'est pas juste que je ne puisse pas jouer. Au lieu de vivre mon quart d'heure de gloire, je serai coincé dans les tribunes avec les fans hystériques de James.

- Pas juste ? répéta Remus. Tu sais tout autant que moi que tu méritais cette punition.

Sirius bondit sur ses pieds, un rictus jouant sur ses lèvres roses. Sirius, tout comme James, faisait partie de l'équipe de Quidditch de Gryffondor. Il était fier de jouer au poste de batteur et faisait honneur à son titre sur le terrain. Il était doué. Il aurait dû jouer sa deuxième saison consécutive avec James mais il avait été suspendu par le professeur McGonagall, à la suite d'une farce pendant la cérémonie des répartitions qui avait mal tourné.

En début de cette cinquième et nouvelle année, Sirius voulait son nom sur toutes les lèvres. Son plan était simple : pendant la chanson du Choixpeau magique, il libèrerait des lutins de Cornouailles dans la Grande Salle. Ces derniers créeraient le désordre, retardant la répartition de quelques minutes. Il avait décidé de signer sa blague avec des feux d'artifices épelant son nom dans le ciel de la grande salle. Il avait prévu les enchantements nécessaires pour que tout se déroule selon son plan. Sirius n'avait seulement pas prévu que ses lutins s'en prennent au professeur Garlic ; ces créatures lui inspiraient une phobie irrationnelle. Dans sa panique, elle avait sorti sa baguette magique dont les lutins s'étaient emparés pour la pointer vers le ciel magique de la Grande Salle. Les feux d'artifices furent activés mais n'eurent pas l'effet escompté puisque, au lieu de former des lettres sur le plafond, ils fusèrent dans tous les sens, ricochant sur le Choixpeau magique qui fut hors d'état de répartir pendant tout un mois. Evidemment, les nouveaux élèves se retrouvèrent sans maison, créant une confusion totale dans les salles de classe et les salles communes.

A sa grande surprise, le professeur Dumbledore trouva la farce amusante mais le professeur McGonagall ne fut pas de cet avis et fut bien moins clémente quand elle mit la main sur Sirius. C'est ainsi qu'il fut privé de Quidditch pour toute la saison.

- Avoue-le Remus, c'était un coup de maître.

Remus pouffa et fit mine de se prosterner aux pieds de Sirius.

- Je m'incline devant toi, ô roi des farces et attrapes.

Sirius posa pour un photographe invisible, coiffant ses cheveux de sa cravate qu'il noua autour de sa tête pour imiter une couronne. Ils se rassirent dans le canapé, toujours pliés de rire.

- Il n'y a pas à dire, je te préfère heureux et insouciant,commenta Peter. J'ai l'impression que ton air de chien battu te rendait encore plus séduisant qu'à l'accoutumé.

Remus et James hochèrent la tête pour soutenir ses propos. Sirius retrouva son sérieux. Il se détourna légèrement du feu pour cacher son visage.

- Lysandra m'a invité à sortir, dit-il de but en blanc.

Le malaise enveloppa la salle commune des Gryffondor. Sirius n'entendait plus que le ronronnement essoufflé du feu dans l'âtre. Il se leva pour attiser les flammes avec de nouvelles buches.

- Qu'est-ce que tu lui as dit ?s'enquit James, apparemment très intéressé.

Sirius posa sa tête contre le manteau de la cheminée, les mains plongées dans les poches de son pantalon pour les empêcher de trembler.

- J'ai refusé, évidemment. J'ai prétendu avoir un rendez-vous avec quelqu'un d'autre.

- T'es vraiment un crétin, ma parole !

L'exclamation de Peter surprit tout le monde. Sirius le regarda avec dédain alors que Remus en restait bouche bée. James rit sous cape et enroula son bras autour des épaules de Peter.

- Il a raison, Sirius. Je sais que j'ai été présomptueux en te poussant dans ses bras mais il est clair que tu es dingue de cette fille.

- Je ne suis pas dingue d'elle,réfuta aussitôt Sirius. Je ne la connais même pas ! En cinq ans, on a dû discuter une ou deux fois.

- Ça, c'est parce que tu évites désespérément de te retrouver seul avec elle.

Remus l'avait donc remarqué ; il pensait pourtant être subtil. Il le fixa sans vraiment le voir. Il ignorait pourquoi il s'obstinait tant à cacher ce qu'il ressentait. Il doutait que ses amis comprennent. Lui-même avait encore du mal à se l'expliquer.

- Je l'admets, elle me plaît mais je ne veux pas sortir avec elle. Je ne veux pas lui imposer...ça,ajouta-t-il en en esquissant un geste pour désigner sa personne.

- Je ne comprends pas en quoi c'est une si mauvaise chose.

- J'ai eu une vie plutôt tourmentée, vous trois vous êtes la seule chose de stable dans ma vie.

- Justement, je suis convaincu que Lysandra pourrait t'apporter encore plus de stabilité,répliqua Remus. Enfin quoi, aurais-tu peur de lui briser le cœur ?

- Vous ne comprenez pas,se contenta-t-il de dire en se laissant tomber sur le fauteuil à côté de lui. Ça te paraitra sans doute égoïste Remus, mais ce n'est pas pour son cœur que je m'inquiète.

Il prit la dernière tarte à la mélasse mais au lieu de la manger, il la garda dans sa main, enfonçant ses doigts dans la pate sablée.

- Donne-lui au moins une chance, tenta James à son tour. Tu seras peut-être surpris de découvrir à quel point elle est compréhensive.

- Toi, tu veux juste me caser avec elle pour te rapprocher d'Evans.

- Je veux juste que mon meilleur ami soit heureux. C'est ce que tu souhaiterais pour moi toi aussi, je me trompe ?

Sirius resta muet, attendant la suite. James ne faisait rien au hasard. Certes, c'était un bon ami mais il rendait service aux autres uniquement s'il pouvait gagner au change.

- Ecoute, je te mentirais si je te disais que je n'avais pas eu un but précis en te coinçant seul avec Lufkin.

- James !

Le visage serein de Remus changea brusquement. Il paraissait en colère contre James. Ce dernier l'ignora, préférant lui tourner le dos. Il s'invita sur l'accoudoir du fauteuil où Sirius était assis.

- Tu n'as pas à lui ouvrir toutes les portes de ton cœur, juste assez pour qu'elle ait suffisamment confiance en toi. De cette façon, c'est toi qui gardes la main. Quoi que tu aies peur de lui montrer, ça restera secret.

Il enfonça taquinement son coude dans les côtes de Sirius qui ne décrocha pas l'ombre d'un sourire.

- Si tu ne le fais pas pour être heureux, fais-le pour moi !

- Par la barbe de Merlin, tu t'entends James ?s'écria Remus. Sirius, ne l'écoute pas. Si tu demandes à Lysandra de sortir avec toi, fais-le parce que tu es amoureux d'elle et pas pour aider James dans sa stupide conquête. Sois honnête avec elle sinon c'est elle que tu risques de blesser.

James et Sirius se fixaient, essayant de deviner les pensées de l'autre. Le dernier baissa les yeux pour réfléchir.

- T'es malade,s'indigna Sirius.

Remus poussa un soupir soulagé alors que Sirius se levait de son siège pour dominer James de toute sa hauteur.

- Dis plutôt que tu ne t'en sens pas capable,dit James avec un sourire moqueur. C'est peut-être un défi trop osé pour toi.

- Un défi ?

James acquiesça d'un signe de tête. Sirius recula d'un pas, comme déstabilisé. Qu'est-ce que James pouvait bien avoir en tête ? Il s'était pourtant bien exprimé plus tôt en lui avouant ses appréhensions quant à sa relation avec Lysandra.

- Ou peut-être as-tu peur qu'après avoir passé du temps avec toi, elle ne te trouve plus aussi attirant ?poursuivit James. Elle est si solaire et toi à côté, un esprit tourmenté et vicieux.

Remus les rejoignit, s'imposant entre les deux silhouettes massives de James et Sirius.

- James tais-toi ! Tu vas trop loin.

James ne l'écoutait pas, son regard perdu dans celui de Sirius. Remus sentit ses jambes trembler tandis qu'il priait pour que ses deux amis n'en viennent pas aux mains.

- Qu'est-ce qui te prend James ?demanda Sirius.

Il se contenta d'hausser les épaules.

- Qu'est-ce qui te fait peur ?

- Je n'ai pas peur.

- Alors accepte !

Sirius poussa un soupir. James était comme un frère pour lui et même s'il se moquait ouvertement de lui quand Lily refusait catégoriquement ses avances, il ne pouvait s'empêcher d'avoir de la compassion pour lui. Il ferait tout pour lui, quitte à tuer quelqu'un ou même, lui briser le cœur. Il était prêt à blesser, tromper si cela devait suffire à rendre heureux son ami, la toute première personne à l'avoir aimé et accepté tel qu'il était ; la première personne qu'il put qualifier de famille. C'était son désespoir qui lui faisait parler ainsi, qui le poussait à faire l'impensable.

Sirius fut pris d'un sentiment de culpabilité. Il avait l'impression de trahir James, de bafouer tout ce qu'il avait fait pour lui jusque maintenant. Soudain la perspective de blesser Lysandra au prix de son amitié pour James lui parut moins insupportable. Il n'avait pas à s'ouvrir à Lysandra, juste à lui faire croire qu'il pourrait. Il resterait sur ses gardes. Il passerait du temps avec elle mais il était hors de question qu'il lui parle de ses sentiments. Il s'assurerait que ceux-là restent bien enfouis et ne laisserait transparaître que son charme et son charisme. Il ne lui donnerait pas l'occasion le posséder, il ne lui donnerait pas l'occasion de lui briser le cœur.

- Il ne sera pas question de mes sentiments pour elle,précisa Sirius. Je ferai ce qu'il faut pour qu'elle ait confiance en moi. De là, il me sera facile de me rapprocher d'Evans pour chanter tes louanges.

Remus exprima son désappointement avec une grimace horrifiée. James balança son poing dans les airs.

- Nous avons un pacte !

Le samedi suivant, le château était en effervescence à l'approche du premier match inter-maison qui opposait Gryffondor et Poufsouffle. La météo annonçait une journée radieuse et le soleil couvait tout Poudlard de ses rayons. Le parc fut envahi très tôt par des vagues jaunes et rouges. Sirius avait préféré délaisser les couleurs, beaucoup trop vivaces à son goût pour se parer de sa plus belle veste de cuir. Sur son dos, un lion brodé rugissait fièrement. Remus avait ensorcelé le vêtement pour animer le lion qui se promenait maintenant autour de la silhouette athlétique de Sirius.

James n'avait pas dormi de la nuit, étudiant les techniques et les parades qu'il désirait tenter pendant le match. Il ne laissa à aucun de ses amis le loisirs de s'endormir, les gardant auprès de lui pour qu'ils l'aident à parcourir les listes d'enchaînements dressées par le capitaine de l'équipe de Gryffondor. Au bout de quelques heures, Peter avait prétexté une envie pressante et n'était jamais revenu. Ils l'avaient trouvé emmitouflé dans ses draps au petit matin.

Les quatre compères discutaient avec fièvre sur le chemin du terrain de Quidditch. James semblait plus prétentieux que jamais, soutenant que la victoire reviendrait à Gryffondor.

- N'en sois pas si sûr,contesta Sirius. L'attrapeur de Poufsouffle est redoutable, bien plus que le nôtre. Il faudrait qu'on marque 160 points avant eux pour nous assurer la victoire.

James eut une moue qui se changea très vite en un sourire fat quand il aperçut Lily à l'entrée du stade. Lysandra et Mary l'accompagnaient toujours. Une quatrième personne complétait cette fois, le groupe de filles. Sirius reconnut l'attrapeuse de Poufsouffle, la pétillante Margaret Ebony. Elle avait maquillé ses yeux aux couleurs de sa maison, complémentant sa peau caramel. Elle esquissa un vague mouvement de tête vers James pour le saluer. Même pendant les tensions d'avant-match, un Poufsouffle n'était jamais hostile.

- On se retrouve sur le terrain Potter,chantonna-t-elle avant de disparaître dans un clin d'oeil.

James l'ignora, préférant accorder toute son attention à Lily. Cette dernière devina son prochain mouvement et leva les yeux au ciel, en réponse à ce que James s'apprêtait à dire. Sirius tenta de croiser le regard de Lysandra mais elle gardait obstinément les yeux rivés sur un point invisible entre James et Lily.

- J'espère que tu as ramené tes lunettes de soleil Evans, autrement tu risques d'être éblouie par ma beauté et je ne voudrais pas que tu rates ma performance pendant le match.

Lily poussa un soupir excédé mais les coins de sa bouche se tordirent légèrement, comme dans un sourire. A côté d'elle, Lysandra et Mary ricanaient.

- Ne l'encouragez surtout pas !brailla-t-elle en les poussant vers l'entrée du stade. Eclipsons nous avant d'être contaminées par sa bêtise.

Sirius, Remus et Peter quittèrent James à la porte des vestiaires et rejoignirent les tribunes. Dans la foule, Sirius aperçut Lysandra et n'eut pas besoin de réfléchir à deux fois. Depuis qu'il avait décidé des termes de son marché avec James, l'idée de se retrouver à ses côtés lui paraissait beaucoup moins angoissant que d'ordinaire. Il se sentait plus léger également, comme s'il fut tout à coup capable d'être lui-même en la présence de Lysandra. Et il ne désirait rien d'autre ; qu'elle le découvre entièrement, qu'elle l'aime entièrement même s'il refusait de se l'admettre.

Il rejoignait son banc pour s'asseoir à côté d'elle mais les places restantes furent bientôt prises par Barry Shellman et Gloria Diaz. Sirius ne fut pas assez rapide et se contenta de s'asseoir deux sièges loin de Lysandra. Plongée dans une discussion intense avec Lily et Mary, elle ne s'aperçut pas tout de suite de la présence de Sirius jusqu'à ce qu'une fille, assise quelques rangées derrière eux ne la révèle.

- Salut Sirius,cria-t-elle pour couvrir le brouhaha.

Sirius se retourna pour l'aviser. La fille fit papillonner ses cils vers lui en tordant son cou pour faire balancer ses cheveux bruns. Serpentard, troisième année, devina-t-il. Il lui sourit, lui donnant brièvement ce qu'elle demandait. Son attention. A côté d'elle, ses amies se mirent à glousser, la traitant de chanceuse.

Lysandra glissa une œillade vers lui. Ils surprirent leurs regards l'un sur l'autre et rougirent. Sirius se passa la main dans les cheveux en se mordant la lèvre inférieure, le regard toujours posé sur elle. Elle rit sous cape et haussa un sourcil d'un air moqueur. Elle était bien trop futée pour tomber pour ça et Sirius en fut presque soulagé.

- Il n'est pas trop tard pour retrouver le chemin de la raison tu sais,s'enjoignit Remus entre ses dents.

- Tu parles comme un préfet.

Remus et Peter avaient fini par l'abandonner. Jamais le premier n'avait été aussi peu d'accord avec les agissements de James et Sirius. Il avoua bien s'entendre avec Lysandra et regrettait que Sirius puisse la traiter avec tant de frivolité. Sirius eut beau promettre qu'il ferait preuve de respect envers elle, refusant de lui faire miroiter l'impossible mais Remus restait sourd à ses paroles.

A présent, il attendait. Seul. A l'entrée du terrain de Quidditch. La foule se pressait à la sortie, acclamant les deux équipes qui avaient terminé le match sur des scores exæquo grâce à Margaret Ebony qui avait saisi le vif d'or alors que Gryffondor marquait son quinzième but.

Le terrain se vidait de plus en plus en vite mais il n'y avait toujours aucune trace de Lysandra. Du coin de l'œil, il aperçut un petit groupe de Serpentard qui se pressait vers le lac. Les cheveux noirs corbeau de Regulus se détachaient du corps de la bande. Sirius observa son frère cadet de loin.

Il progressait en silence aux côtés de ses camarades. Sa peau blafarde n'enlevait rien à sa beauté, caractéristique des Black. Tout chez lui, de sa démarche à sa façon de se frotter les yeux, respirait l'élégance et la perfection. Comme Sirius, il avait perpétuellement l'air ennuyé mais semblait réellement perdu dans ses pensées en cet instant. Il agissait étrangement depuis quelques temps.

L'un de ses amis le ramena à la réalité en le bousculant gentiment. Regulus s'éveilla pour rejoindre les rires et accepta ce que lui tendait la seule fille du groupe. Il jeta des coups d'œil autour de lui en fourrant précipitamment l'objet dans sa poche. Son regard tomba sur Sirius qui inclina sa tête sur le côté, lui faisant savoir qu'il avait l'œil sur lui. Regulus piqua un fard et accéléra sa cadence.

La foule s'essoufflait. Sirius pensait avoir définitivement manqué Lysandra mais il l'entendit rire. Il fit volteface pour la découvrir à quelques mètres de lui. Il fut secoué d'un haut-le-cœur quand il remarqua qu'elle était déjà accompagnée de quelqu'un d'autre. Elle discutait avec Barry Shellman. Il avait passé un bras autour de ses épaules et la suppliait de participer à la fête en l'honneur de Poufsouffle qui se tenait dans la salle commune. Elle acquiesça et Sirius sentit sa poitrine s'ouvrir comme si le lion brodé sur sa veste avait pris vie et le dépeçait avec ses griffes. Il n'avait jamais senti une telle douleur pourtant, il était sûr de ne pas être blessé. En tous cas, pas physiquement mais la douleur semblait encore plus vivace que s'il l'avait été réellement.

#sirius black #sirius black x oc #sirius black x reader #sirius black x y/n #harry james potter #harry potter #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrow #le club des maraudeurs #marauders era #fluff #fanfiction #romance #toxic friendship

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livinginshambles · 9 months

Text

You're unbelievable (derogatory) | James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: You're best friends with James, but since his new relationship with Lily, you find yourself standing on the side more often than not.

Your friendship with James breaks when he has to choose between you or Lily, and it's only after the damage is done that he realizes the consequences of his actions.

Note: Lily's kind of a not cool in this fic. Not proofread, mistakes (grammar and maybe continuity because I rewrote the middle from memory) Time lines are wrong, howarts is endless.

_______________________

“James Potter, you’re unbelievable!” You exclaimed, and if not for the widest grin ever plastered on you face, those words could hold an entirely different meaning. You gave James a tight side hug while you clutched your precious gift to your chest.

“Well, you better believe it darling,” Sirius appeared on your left. “Prongs made us stand in line for that signed copy for eight hours. EIGHT HOURS,” he complained and shook James back and forth by his shirt collar.

“And not to mention, he woke us up at 2 o’clock in the morning for that,” Peter happily reminded him, and Sirius wailed at the memory and dramatically dropped to his knees. You stumbled back and James was quick to hold you steadily.

“Oh, quit it with the theatrics,” Remus mused, and he pulled Sirius up from the floor where he had slouched his entire weight against your legs. “It wasn’t that bad.”

Sirius huffed. “For you maybe. Because you secretly wanted to get your book signed too,” he accused Remus. Remus sheepishly shrugged.

James pressed a kiss to your temple, and you melted inside. “Happy birthday, love,” he whispered with a fond smile, and you bashfully looked away.

“Thanks,” you muttered awkwardly. Godric, you despised the attention that birthdays bring along.

“On that note, I’m heading towards the library,” you excused yourself. “But thank you guys so much for getting that book for me, I love you guys so much,” you said and blew them a kiss as you stepped backwards to the door.

“Hold on,” James frowned. “We’re not celebrating?”

“Uh, no I have to work on our Potions assignment.”

“Oh. Well, let me walk you to the library, yeah?” James offered, but you had an inkling feeling that it wasn’t really a question.

You laughed and pulled a face at him. “I can’t stop you anyways, can I? You’re an absolute menace, Potter.”

“I’m just trying to spend the day together.” James wrapped an arm around you and guided you towards the door.

“You know, the day on which the world has been blessed with your birth. And just as it was always meant to be, might I add, because look at where this led, such a perfectly beautiful day to celebrate.” He winked.

“Today is a wonderful day,” you hummed in agreement. “But you know I was supposed to be born late April, not March. So not really ‘as it was always meant to be’ at all,” you pointed out.

James rolled his eyes. “Uh, yes it was. Otherwise, we would’ve never met at the hospital and become bestest friends.”

“That’s not even correct gramm-”

“Besides, didn’t see you much today,” James unbotherdly continued.

You shook your head in amusement. “Come along then,” you pretended to relent in a joking manner. James was already pulling you along anyway.

You looked back at the rest of the marauders. “You guys also coming?”

You got an unenthusiastic hum from Peter and nothing from Remus, who was too deep in his book to have heard you. You looked at Sirius.

“Darling, I love you, but that’s six flights of stairs,” Sirius laughed, and he settled in on the sofa.

You gasped in fake horror. “So, is that the limit of your love for me?” You sniffed and pretended to wipe away a tear. “I guess-, I guess that’s it then. We’re just not meant to be,” you sighed.

“I know, darling. And I’m sorry. Just know, it’s not you, it’s me,” Sirius solemnly agreed.

You opened your mouth to continue your devastating-sad-ending-love-story when James, who had felt strangely annoyed at Sirius, impatiently grabbed your hand and pulled you out the door.

You enjoyed the feeling of walking hand in hand with James, even though it was short-lived. He let go of your hand as soon as he realized he was still holding it, and you two walked next to each other in a comfortable silence. Again, short-lived.

“I swear, one of these days, Lily might give me a chance. She smiled at me yesterday after supper, you know.” James happily bragged, eyes in a dreamy haze, no doubt imagining Lily.

You peered up at him and quietly admired his blissed look. It may never be directed towards you but seeing him so happy really made you glad and all warm inside.

Not that you’d ever let him know that.

Instead, you snorted at his words, tiptoed, and slung an arm across his broad shoulders. “In your dreams, maybe,” you sassed at him. James wanted to huff at your reply, but at your struggle to reach his other shoulder, he couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly, and he wrapped his arms around your shoulder instead.

“You’ve got to stop growing, James,” you protested and ducked out from under his arm.

“Quite the opposite actually, perhaps you should start,” he mocked you and you reached out to shove him but he put a step back out of the way fluently and then smoothly pulled back his shoulder just in time when you tried to shove him again. “So predictable,” he tsked. You opted to stick out your tongue instead.

“So,” James started. You hummed in reply. “Mum’s asking if you’re spending Easter with us again,” he casually mentioned.

“Oh really, Euphemia is asking me huh,” you teased him.

James looked away embarrassedly.

“Hm, not sure,” you shrugged nonchalantly. “Think I’m gonna be sort of preoccupied with my cousins from Ireland,” you looked at him through the corner of your eyes and caught his disappointed expression. A grin grew on your face like that of a Cheshire cat and you nudged him again.

“Oh, come on James, I’m kidding, you know. I’ve literally never not spent Easter with you. Besides, I live right across the street, James. I can literally come over any time, even if my cousins visit.”

“Yeah, but I meant like stay over at my house for the whole holiday,” James pouted. You glanced at him and smiled fondly. “Well, again; I live right across the street. So I guess I can also just go and visit my cousins at my house any time.”

You finally reached the bottom of the staircases and stopped mid-step. “Bloody hell, I forgot my books.”

You shot James a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I just have to go back up real quick, but it won’t be long at all-.”

“I’m right behind you, love.”

“You can’t be serious,” you gaped at him.

James was beaming. Sirius and Remus’ jaws were slacked on the floor and Peter frowned as if he was trying to comprehend James’ statement.

“She agreed to a date!?” Sirius shrieked out. “But-,” Sirius stammered and he let his eyes fall onto you for a split second. It was very quiet for a moment while all of you processed this news.

“Well, I’ll be damned, Prongs,” you grinned up at him. “Not such a far-fetched idea after all.” You smiled encouragingly at him and he shot you a grateful look.

“Congrats,” you nudged him, and that seemed to break the rest of the marauders out of it, all congratulating and offering date ideas.

You zoned out for a moment. A bitter-sweet taste in your mouth. You we’re thrilled for James. You knew how much she meant to him. But that little piece of hope that you had unconsciously clung onto, made the news tough to take.

Regardless, you were just happy to have James in your life. He was your best friend, and you would support him, no matter what. Because you knew he’d do the same for you.

“When’s the date?” you curiously asked.

James scratched his head. “Uh, next week, Friday night.”

“Wait, Friday when you were going to take me to see the blue crescent moon?” you deadpanned.

“I’ll take you to the next one, I promise,” James solemnly swore and he put his hand on his heart.

You huffed in disappointment but quickly turned around to face Remus with a sweet smile. “Remus, my best friend,” you started, and instantly got pulled back by James who wore a pout on his face.

“Wait, it was supposed to be a you and me thing,” he whined while he tugged you back into his side. You stuck your tongue out and ruffled his hair.

“You’re busy, and the next blue moon is going to be a full moon, so we’ll be with Remus,” you pointed out. “And after that, it’ll be another two years until the next.” Then you skipped back over to Remus.

James hummed in thought. He knew you were right. “Fine,” he reluctantly said. “But I’m taking you to watch the passing comet next month,” he bargained.

You stuck out your hand with a laugh. “Deal,” you grinned.

“It’s a promise,” James confirmed.

It became clear to you that you might have overestimated your own importance to James after he and Lily officially started dating.

Your eyes were searching for James, and you decided to confront him when you spotted him.

“James!” You ran to catch up to him. You smiled at Lily with a small wave. “Lily,” you acknowledged her. “Can I borrow him for a moment?” You asked her. She shrugged and waved her hand in a discarding manner, “of course.”

“Hey uh, you didn’t show up yesterday, just checking in?” you asked James in concern when Lily was out of reach.

James mind blanked for a moment. He was racking his brain about ‘yesterday’ and his eyes grew wide when realization hit him. “Bloody hell, I completely forgot!” He exclaimed.

“Yeah,” you laughed, relieved that he was alright and had just forgotten about it.

“Well you didn’t show up in the astronomy tower so I tried looking for you, but I couldn’t find you. I asked Sirius for the map, but can you believe it? He said he’d lost it.”

You chuckled when you recalled his apologetic expression and completely missed the way James shut his eyes and pinched his nose in guilt.

“I’m so sorry,” James said. He pulled you into a hug.

“Eh, don’t worry about it, Sirius joined me to watch the comet pass by. Wasn’t that impressive, but it did look like a falling star so I guess I made a wish, and-”

“Can have him back now?” Lily’s voice came from behind him, and he quickly released you. “Yeah, of course,” you rushed to say, but she had already grabbed him by the arm and led him away.

James looked back at you and mouthed a ‘sorry’ at you. You shook your head dismissively and raised your thumbs up.

It was only during the next missed hangout, two weeks later, that you found out he forgot because he’d been with Lily instead.

Peter had seen you off to find James, and had watched you return three hours later, a sad look on your face.

“Not again,” he’d groaned and slipped up. You couldn’t be angry at James because you realized that he was just putting effort into his new relationship. Peter had hugged you and you two had spent the evening sneaking into the art room to paint each other.

Peter was surprisingly a splendid artist and you had put the painting that he painted of yourself against the wall on the floor next to your bed, and gave Peter the one you painted of him.

“Damn, Peter,” James nodded at the canvas. “You painted that?”

“Huh? Oh,” Peter was getting dressed and pulled his sweater over his head. He looked from the painting to James. “Uh, Y/N did,” he beamed. “It looks good right?”

“You guys painted..?”

“Yeah, cause you didn’t show up again yesterday,” Peter casually mentioned. “You know, she was-“ He didn’t get to finish his sentence, because James had already sprinted out of the room to find you to apologize.

But as usual, James thought it had to be a grand gesture.

Flowers! Lily liked flowers. Girls like flowers, perfect. The idea popped up in his head, and he went to work to cover your entire dorm and bed with flowers.

It seemed like a perfect idea.

Until it evidently wasn’t.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, it slipped my mind,” James apologized for the thousandth time as he sat by at the side of the hospital bed with the rest of the marauders. They shared a look with each other.

“Well, I bet you’ll never forget about my severe flower allergy ever again now,” you joked in attempt to console him. Your face was swollen and your eyes were bloodshot.

You smiled at James and tried to push back the hurt you felt at the fact that he forgot about something as important as that.

“I’ll make it up to you,” James quickly promised with a grimace.

“Do you get that same sense of déjà vu or is it just me,” Sirius remarked from the other side of the bed.

“No, I get it too,” Peter agreed almost too quickly.

James frowned at his friends for the little jab. They knew he didn’t do it on purpose right? He looked at Remus for support.

“Better be one hell of an idea,” was all he said.

“Oh come on,” you attempted to kick Sirius weakly with your leg but failed because your legs were still half paralyzed.

“Stop giving him such a hard time,” you started. James shot you a relieved look.

“He’s already feeling shit for almost killing me,” you grinned and James groaned and dropped his head on the side of your bed. You moved your arm with some effort and let your fingers stroke through his hair.

“I’ll be the best best-friend there is, starting from right now. I’ve got so many ideas for Easter holiday and it includes your favorite chocolate,” he promised in a muffled voice.

Whatever you imagined his ideas for activities during the Easter holiday included, it wasn’t with Lily in the picture. Yet here you were, sitting across of her at the dinner table.

They were both deeply engrossed in each other and you and Fleamont shared a look.

“How’s your year been, sweetheart?” Fleamont asked and he looked at you over his glasses. You smiled at him, relieved.

“It was great so far, I mean, despite being bedridden for two weeks, but the guys have been great,” you jumped to talk about your adventures.

“I went to watch the blue crescent moon with Remus, and the comet with Sirius. And I’ve painted with Peter! I’ve got to say, he’s painted me in a flattering light,” you rambled on passionately.

“Oh, and we’ve started a study group thing together, it’s basically just Remus and I trying to help Sirius and Peter though,” you lightheartedly joked.

“We’ve played some harmless pranks too, like turning every toad into a cat and every cat into a toad, it was utter chaos!” You shared and at his disapproving look and focus on James, you quickly intervened. “Don’t worry, James didn’t do anything, he’s been good,” you joked.

You missed Fleamont’s raised eyebrows.

“I’ve been swimming in the lake with the boys and pranked Remus and Peter with Sirius and pretended to be merpeople, you should’ve heard their screams!”

Your eyes were gleaming at this point as you relived your happiest moments so far. “Well, until Remus cast a spell on Sirius that turned him into a slug of course.”

“So when the four of us went to Hogsmeade…” You continued to ramble on and failed to notice how James’ eyes subconsciously trailed over to you every now and then, listening in on the conversation and realizing his name never fell once.

Lily noticed his divided attention and was unsurprisingly and rather justifiably annoyed at James.

She voiced out her concerns to James that very night during which you had excused yourself and gone home across the street.

You didn’t want to third wheel and Godric forbid should you share a room with Lily. She hated your guts as it was and you didn’t feel like being smothered in your sleep.

When you had offered to go back home, you had sort of hoped he would say something along the lines of “No, please stay” and instead were met with a “Yeah, that’s probably for the best”.

And now, all he could wish for was chilling on his bed with you next to him while he was being chastised by Lily. His eyes glanced up and he stared at the enchanted bedroom ceiling full of stars, Lily’s voice long gone from his mind.

“Are you even listening to me?” She waved her hand in front of his face and he fought the urge to pull an annoyed face at her.

At his lack of response though, she repeated herself. “I’m your girlfriend. I thought you wanted this?”

James let her words sink in for a moment. She was all he ever wanted. And it was so so different from what he’d imagined it would be like.

Of course, he wasn’t planning on breaking up or anything, he didn’t want to be that douchebag that was only in it for the chase after all. And he hoped somehow that those feelings would return sometime.

She was everything he wanted. He just wished she’d be more interested in his friends, less disapproving of his pranks, or more proud of his achievements at Quidditch.

He would appreciate it if she were just a little bit more patient with him, and shared a little bit of his humour.

He just wanted her to be more open and enthusiastic about their relationship and himself.

He wanted her to be a little more like you-

He reeled back from that revelation. Oh.

Oh no. That would ruin his friendship.

“-and you know what, you can’t have both, James,” Lily continued and he snapped out of his thoughts.

“I can’t be your girlfriend if she’s in the picture. So choose. It’s me or her.”

James stared at her in surprise and then walked out of his room without another word to her.

He looked out the window at the real starry night sky. It seemed to him that he’d lose you regardless. But maybe, he’d be happy with Lily. She was all that matters, he convinced himself.

“Don’t you see how wrong it is that she’s making you choose,” you asked him incredulously, but your eyes looked at him pleadingly. James forced himself to look back at you and shook his head.

“No, she’s-, she’s right,” he mumbled, and you staggered back at that. “I mean, you’re a girl, you know?” You raised your eyebrows in an unimpressed manner. “Astute observation.” You dryly remarked.

“And everyone assumes things about us, so please, you have to understand that this isn’t fun for Lily either,” James tried. “I just can’t be friends with you and be in a relationship with Lily at the same time.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he cut you off.

“I can’t,” he urged. “And between you or her, I choose her. She’s my girlfriend,” he reasoned.

“And I’m your best friend since we were born,” you stubbornly retorted.

James looked at you beggingly, hoping that you’ll understand his predicament and that you’d make it easy on him. At the squint of your eyes and the deepening frown on your face, he gulped. “Please. I’m really sorry, but I have to choose her,” he finished weakly, doubling down on his decision.

Realizing that he wasn’t joking, it felt like he might as well have punched you in the gut. Your stubborn look flickered to hurt and then morphed into an ice-cold front of indifference.

You took a deep breath and collected yourself. You stared at him up and down, not recognizing your best friend in him anymore.

“You’re unbelievable,” you shook your head at him, and your voice was devoid of any emotion. With no other words to address the situation, you pushed past him roughly.

Months passed by and the summer vacation started. Then it ended and Hogwarts began again. All without a word from James. He had stopped spending much time with the marauders, mostly busy with walking after Lily.

Sometimes he would glance at you when she wasn’t watching, and he’d feel so lonely.

He waited for you during the vacation, but you never went to yourr house across his. Instead you spent your time with your cousins in Ireland.

When he made his way towards the platform on September 1st, he felt weird. First of all, he was slightly reluctant to go. He realized that he had thoroughly enjoyed his holiday without Lily.

But secondly, and perhaps most importantly; This was the first time ever that he went to the Hogwarts Express by himself, without you by his side, and an epiphany cleared his mind. Everything was so wrong.

You eyed him up and down. With lack of better words, he looked terrible. So terrible, that you might’ve pitied him any other time, because how could you ever be angry at James, when he looked so sad.

When his eyes are glassy and red. When his hair is disheveled as a result of an undoubtedly rough night. When his voice cracked at his sloppy apology. Or when his lips trembled almost unnoticeably when you said no.

But all of that wouldn’t magically clear away your own misery of the past months.

“I was supposed to be your best friend,” you enunciated slowly. “It’s always been you and me. Merlin, we’ve known each other since we were born and they ran out of baby cribs at St. Mungo’s, so they put us together in one!” you exclaimed.

You bitterly scoffed to yourself at the reminder of your literal lifelong friendship.

“But you cut me off for a relationship with Lily? Lily who rejected you for years and when she finally did agree to date you, never even gave you the time of the day?”

You stared at him incredulously and had to remind yourself to tone down your voice a little. You had unconsciously been raising it and didn’t want to attract unwanted attention.

“You followed her around like a lost puppy and cast me aside because she didn’t trust you for being friends with a girl and you were so easy to discard me,” you laughed humorlessly, trying to mask your hurt feelings. “I guess I must’ve really not meant all that much to you.”

To James’ credit, he at least had the decency of looking remorseful. His own words were replaying on a loop in his head. Of course he regretted it all.

“You can’t come back after that and expect me to just open my arms for you,” you firmly stated.

James looked at you helplessly, and you let out another laugh in disbelief. “Oh, Godric, you did,” you stared at him with wide eyes in surprise.

James could feel himself getting flustered and spoke up again. “I just thought that maybe-,”

“No, no, no. Like I said, I’m not doing this again.”

“Please, lov-, Y/N please, if you would just let me prove to you that you do mean so much to me,” His voice was getting increasingly more desperate. “I just want-, I need you to give me a second chanc-”

“A second chance? James, you are way past that. You’ve already had a second chance,” you bitterly told him. “Merlin, I’ve given you a second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth chance. I would’ve given you a thousand chances, but even that, you threw away.”

You tiredly rubbed your face. “I have nothing left to give you.”

Your words hit him in the face and his chest tightened.

“Oh… No, I-, I definitely understand.” His voice came out quietly.

James wanted to hide away. He felt utterly pathetic and ashamed at his own actions.

“I’ll uh, I’ll leave you alone, then.” He turned around but stopped mid step.

“But Y/N? If you ever change your mind, or if you ever need me, I’ll be there for you this time. Always right behind you.” James let his eyes linger on your face for a moment, taking you in. Merlin, he really missed you.

Your mind struggled to find the words to properly articulate all that you’ve felt these past months.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. For not trying to fight for you more,” you sympathetically offered.

“Oh, what? No, that’s-, it really was all my own fault. I chose her over you, and it was stupid. I was stupid, not you.”

“I don’t know. I feel like I should’ve tried harder to find a solution. I regret it too, you know, that we lost us.”

James frowned at your words.

“You-, I don’t even-,” you sighed. “I thought we would be in it for life, you know,” you eventually confessed, and James eyes widened. He wasn’t sure if he understood that completely, but his heart had made a small jump at your confession. Surely you didn’t actually mean…?

“Maybe not side by side as lovers or anything,” you quickly tried to cover yourself, but instead confirmed James’ thoughts. “But I was so sure we’d be partners nonetheless.” James watched you smile fondly, but sadly at the thought.

“I tried so hard not to be jealous of the fact that I was no longer the first person you’d go to for everything.” You chewed on your lower lip and James forced himself to pry his eyes away from it.

“You could be again,” James whispered to himself. But it was loud enough for you to hear it. You chose to ignore it and the way your heart tugged.

“But it was never an issue of jealousy when you actively forgot me on so many different occasions and then just kicked me out for her.”

“I'm sorry, I don’t know why I… how I even…”

“Look, I have to go,” you settled on, and nodded awkwardly at him. “But thanks for apologizing,” you added before you left.

You’d gone about your life according to the same routine of the past few months and paid James little to no mind. Though he was spending all of his time with the marauders again, you somehow found a way of disappearing right when he would arrive.

Days passed and James watched you laugh at the punchline of the joke that a ghost had told you. So close and yet so far.

James knew that you told him no when he had asked if things could go back to the way they were, but he couldn’t give up on you. It was as if something was physically stopping him from doing so.

He wanted you to see him again, but would never cross your boundaries, which left him in a difficult position.

The first opportunity presented itself when he overheard some guy talk shit about you. Except he only saw red instead of an opportunity. Because how dare they.

“She’ll give in someday. I’ll show her how to have a good time. Godric knows she’s too prudish, wouldn’t even let me-“

James surged forward before he could even think and grabbed the guy by the collar, his wand was pointed at the boy’s throat in a matter of seconds, a piercing glare on his face as he gritted through his teeth.

“Don’t.” It was a warning and the boy heeded it and scrambled away when James released him.

“What are you looking at,” he called out to the students that had stopped to watch what was happening. They too, quickly scrambled away, pretending they hadn’t seen a thing.

But by supper, everyone had heard about it, including you. You looked at him from further down the table and nodded at him with a appreciated smile.

James heart skipped a beat and he dreamed of you that night.

So what else could he do for you that would make you happy, he wondered while he wandered around the castle. The marauders were hanging out with you right now, leaving James to his own devices.

“Books!” He yelled out loud and it startled a cat. “Signed books had been successful, right? But what books, and how to…” He muttered to himself.

You stared at the pile of books that started to form next to you while owls flew in and back out again, only to return with more books. When you opened the one on the pile to your left, you saw that it was signed by one of your favorite authors.

Your eyes grew wide and you quickly inspected the signature from up close. Your hands stroked the beautiful hard back cover of the book. First copy.

People all over the great hall were looking at the spectacle but you just laughed and blew a kiss at the last owl.

You glanced at James because you knew it was him who orchestrated all of this. Only he would know all your favorite authors and books.

James simply offered you a smile and continued eating his food, but he was absolutely beaming inside at the gleeful look on your face.

You visited him in his dorms that night. “James,” you whispered. You held your finger to your lips as a sign not to wake the others.

“James, thank you for the books, they’re amazing,” you told him. “But James, you’ve got to stop. Don’t fight on my behalf. Don’t spend so much money on me. Please “ you begged him.

James’ smile fell. “I made you uncomfortable,“ he noted. You sighed and sat down on his bed. “I used to give you gifts all the time,” he weakly defended himself.

“I don’t want to forgive you,” you started. James looked down.

“You hurt me. Do you get that? You hurt me and broke our friendship and I don’t know when I’ll want to be friends again, but it’ll never the same when I do. So you have to stop doing all of this. You can’t try to buy it with gifts and heroic deeds.”

“I don’t want it to be the same either,” James sighed out in a defeated tone. “I just need you with me. One way or another. I’m not trying to buy anything, I just want to make you happy.”

You understood his words and the implied confession behind them. After all, you had felt the exact same way months ago.

You sadly smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. James closed his eyes at the contact and tried to savor the moment. You really were his greatest regret.

“I don’t want to forgive you,” you stubbornly repeated.

“You don’t have to. I just want to be there.”

“Right behind me, right? No matter what pace?”

“Of course,” he replied.

It took time. Months and months actually, where he respected your boundaries and slowly inserted himself back into your life, with your permission of course.

At first simply joining you with the marauders again. Then thoughtful actions such as giving you his spare quill. Later on even sitting next to you during Transfiguration and building up to study nights and eventually back to star gazing.

However slow it was, everything was worth it, James thought to himself as he opened the door to invite you in for the Easter holiday.

“Hi, thank you for coming over,” he widely smiled.

“Ah you know, I live right across the street, love.”

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#james potter x fem!reader #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter angst #james potter fic #james potter fluff #james potter imagine #james potter fanfic #james potter fanfiction #marauders x reader #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic

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ellecdc · 3 months

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Hi gorggg can i request an angst wolfstar fic where reader is kind of insecure of her placement within their relationship? like they’re both so close already and she’s a new addition so she kinda just feels out of place.

thank you for your amazing writing!! doing the world a favor❤️❤️❤️

Hey babes! Thanks SO much for the request 'cause truly, this is my shit. Now, I have to admit that I'm obsessed with these fics that have the same vibe by moonstruckme (poly!marauders) and super-clearlysaltybouquet (poly!wolfstar), so really, they're the blueprints/inspiration for this piece

also...I'm a whore for hurt/comfort. But you asked for ANGST...so I've given you only angst and no comfort. If you want comfort, you'll have to ask for a part two 💖 hope you love it!!! UPDATE: part two is here.

poly!wolfstar x fem!reader

CW: insecurities in relationship, feeling out of place, angst, hurt no comfort

It felt silly, really, to feel as sad as you did. You were currently sitting with two boys who you’ve been basically in love with for so long - two boys who have proclaimed to feel the same way about you - and on the outside you were sure this looked like a really lovely moment.

It just didn’t feel very lovely.

You didn’t think your discontentedness stemmed from anything the boys had done in particular, but even seeing the way they instinctively leaned closer to one another when anyone else approached the three of you left you feeling like an outsider looking in.

Maybe you were overthinking things. Maybe this was just your insecurities showing.

Or maybe…maybe…the three of you had made a mistake.

Maybe you weren’t cut out for polyamory; it certainly wasn’t for the weak, and it certainly wasn’t easy being the newest addition to the relationship.

You felt lost in most conversations, missing key information that inside jokes, years of friendship, and living together in the same tower - the same dorm room – led to. It felt as though they were fluent in a language you were only starting to pick up, and you didn’t want them to have to slow down for your sake. You didn’t want one of them to have to play the role of translator just for your benefit.

But then, why were you here?

You weren’t calm, relaxed, and witty like Remus. And you weren’t funny, exciting, and energetic like Sirius. They seemed to already balance each other out perfectly; maybe that’s why it felt so easy to fall into the role of a background character in your own relationship.

There was a brief ‘honeymoon’ period to your relationship; a time of public proclamations, handholding and PDA, dates, and spending every moment the three of you could together.

It was exciting.

And then it was less exciting – not to you, never to you - but it seemed to be that way for them.

Suddenly, it was dates and then them returning to their dorm – back home – without you. It was silent conversations with nothing but a look between the two of them that didn’t include you in the slightest. It was professors announcing partner projects, and them pairing together immediately which was fine, you told yourself, because you always partnered with Shelby anyway and that’s the way it had always been before.

Before.

This is the way it had always been before.

So, what were you doing here, exactly? What were you doing sitting on a blanket near the Black Lake with a book in your hand, while Sirius’ hand gripped around your ankle gently as Remus played with Sirius’ hair from where his head was laying in his lap, whilst Sirius and Remus talked about pranks, something funny that James said, and setting Peter up with some Hufflepuff girl?

You could tell you were being insecure… that you were overthinking this. You could tell you were being unreasonable because every so often, Sirius’ hand wouldn’t just be resting around your ankle, but he would squeeze it gently or rub his thumb across your Achilles tendon as if to convince himself that you were still here; still real. And every so often, Remus would move his gaze from where it laid on his own book or away from Sirius whom he was speaking with to look at you… check on you… confirm you were still there; still okay.

They cared. They had to, right? Cared that you were here? They wouldn’t have asked you otherwise, surely. They wouldn’t be making the effort to keep a hand on you, or their eyes on you. Surely, they would never have decided to open their relationship to include you in it.

But there it was…the truth.

It was their relationship. And they’d opened it up for you.

It should be the second part of that sentence that spoke to you the most, but in your mind and insecurities, the second seemed like the whole truth.

This was their relationship.

You shouldn’t be here.

“You still with us, dove?” Remus asked gently, distracting you from your musings. You suddenly realized that your book you were holding had fallen limply into your lap and you were staring unseeingly at the Black Lake. The boys had apparently paused their conversation to look at you, and Sirius’ thumb continued its tender caressing of the soft of your joint.

“Yeah.” You said, but it came out scratchy. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Yeah, sorry, I must have zoned out for a second.”

Sirius wiggled your ankle. “Daydreaming again, huh? About us I bet.” He teased with a wink.

You wiggled your ankle back at him as he leaned his head up from Remus’ lap, lips puckered in an ask (a demand) for a kiss.

This may be fleeting, so who were you to deny him?

You leaned forward on one hand, the other still holding your book, and pressed a kiss to the black-haired boy’s lips. He smiled into it and let you go all too willingly as you leaned back and tried to focus on your book.

The air around you began to feel heavy before the sound of distant thunder permeated your hearing.

“Damn, I guess Scottish weather isn’t very reliable, hm?” Remus said as he began packing up his things.

“It’s too bad.” Sirius murmured as he began to stand. “I was having a nice time out here with you two.”

You smiled back at him as he extended a hand to help you up.

“We’re still on for a study date tomorrow after dinner, right?” He asked you when you were at your full height.

“Yeah, sure. If you guys will have me.” You responded shyly, hating that you even hinted at any of your insecurities.

Sirius scoffed in response, but it was Remus who answered. “’Course we do, dove. We’re looking forward to it.”

You felt like you should be a little embarrassed at the way your heart fluttered hopefully at the sentiment, but you focused instead on Sirius’ smile and Remus’ soft eyes as the three of you made your way back to the castle.

You hadn’t seen the boys at all today. You unfortunately slept through your alarm, making you miss breakfast completely; generally, you’d sit with Sirius, Remus, and their friends at the Gryffindor table. The two of them were no shows for lunch, so you opted to sit with Shelby instead. And it was Friday, and on Friday’s you didn’t share any classes with them, meaning by the time you made it to dinner, you’d not seen or heard from them at all.

“Hey James.” You commented as you headed towards James, Lily, and Regulus sitting at the Slytherin table. “Have you seen Rem or Sirius at all today?” Of course, you knew that he had, he lived with them.

James seemed to grimace slightly, but the expression was fleeting before he was smiling at you again.

He knew something you didn’t.

“The last I heard they were talking about your study date tonight.” He offered. You could tell he was putting on an extra show of enthusiasm for your benefit. You tried to be grateful for it, but it left a sour taste in your mouth, nonetheless.

“Okay, thank you.” You said as you turned to head to find a seat with Shelby.

“Oh, Y/N.” Lily called after you. “You’re welcome to sit with us, if you’d like?”

You grinned gratefully at Lily as she smiled kindly at you, even though your heart clenched on account of the clearly pitying offer. Was it as obvious to everyone else as it was to you that you were so out of place with Remus and Sirius? Could they all see it too?

“That’s alright. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” You called as you walked away.

The boys weren’t avoiding you, were they? Surely, they would have said something to you if there was a problem.

Although, perhaps they wouldn’t, seeing as you had clearly been spiraling for some time now and have yet to discuss it with them.

Would they even meet you in the library later? Certainly, they would have said if something came up…if you needed to reschedule.

No.

You were obviously being silly. You hadn’t seen them all day, but they hadn’t seen you either – it was just a coincidence. You were fine.

Except you weren’t fine. Because it was about seven minutes after the time you had agreed to meet them before the boys joined you in the library. Remus offered you a hasty “sorry we’re late, dove” and a squeeze of your shoulder before taking a place at the table across from you, and Sirius pecked a quick kiss into your hair and sat beside you without saying a word.

It was painfully awkward. You’d asked them how their days were – Remus answered for the both of them before he asked you how yours was in turn.

After two more (failed) attempts on your part to make conversation, the rest of the study session was spent in silence. And not a comfortable silence.

It was the kind of silence that had you checking your surroundings every so often. The kind of silence that made you feel as if bugs were crawling over your skin.

Every time you looked across at Remus, he seemed to be shooting concerned glances over at Sirius. Every time you looked in your periphery at Sirius, you could see he was zoned out, eyes rimmed and red like he’d been crying or angrily rubbing at them.

If something was wrong, they would have told you – right?

If they were regretting being with you, they wouldn’t have shown - right?

If they were going to break up with you, they wouldn’t do it in the library of all places.

Right?

Your musings were interrupted when Sirius let out a sharp breath and closed his book unceremoniously.

“Sorry guys, I’m not feeling the best. I think I’m going to pack it up.”

Remus immediately perked up, looking like he was ready to pack up too. “Okay, do you want company?”

Do you want me to come with you?

“No, that’s alright. Don’t let me impede your studying. I’ll catch up with you later, ‘kay?”

I’ll talk to you more in our dorm room when we’re alone, Remus.

“Sorry, sweets. I’ll make it up to you.” He said as he hugged you from behind and kissed your neck.

“Okay, I hope you feel better.” You offered as you awkwardly pat his arms. He gave you a half-hearted smile before quickly exiting the library.

Once his figure disappeared from your vision, you turned back to see Remus still looking towards the way Sirius just left; he was still poised as if he was ready to pack up and go after him.

You suddenly felt guilty…because if you weren’t here, he would be going… He’d be going after his boyfriend and comforting him through…whatever he’s going through.

So now, here you were keeping Remus from where he really wanted to be, and Sirius from having the support that he needs…that he deserves.

My gods, you’ve made such a terrible mistake. How did the three of you not notice?

“Sorry about that, love.” Remus mentioned quietly, offering you a half smile. “He…he got a letter from his family today. He doesn’t really talk about it with people.”

He talked about it with you, though.

“It usually takes him a day or two to sort it out before he comes back to us.”

You mean back to you, James, and Peter…

“I’ll talk to him.”

When you leave me…to go to him.

You hated even feeling petulant about it. One of the things you loved about these boys was how much they loved each other. The trust, the affection, the care…you had just hoped that somehow, you’d get to enjoy those things too.

You offered him the best smile you could muster as you turned back towards your book. You could no longer make the words out as your vision blurred, tears threatening to spill out over the arithmancy calculations spread below you.

You couldn’t keep doing this. Not to Remus, not to Sirius…and certainly not to yourself. You deserved better, all three of you did.

You were being selfish, inserting yourself into their relationship like this; demanding things from them that they didn’t owe you.

“You know what,” you offered quietly, clearing your throat as your voice came out scratchy, grating along the lump lodged in your throat. “I think I’ve gotten enough studying done for tonight.”

You stood and started piling your things together.

“Oh…are, are you sure?” Remus asked like he was willing to argue, but he too was standing and starting to pack his bag – eager to get to his dorm and check on Sirius.

“Yeah, I did some work on it at dinner as well.”

Remus grimaced slightly at that.

“I’m sorry dove, really. The three of us clearly haven’t had a great day. I’ll talk to Sirius, and I promise we’ll all be back in sync in no time.”

You looked into his eyes and saw sincerity.

Back in sync.

Were we ever in sync to begin with?

“Can I walk you to your dorm?” He asked as he made to move around the table, but he paused at you quickly shaking your head.

“No, no I’m alright. I can find my way.” You tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. No, don’t worry about it just – uhm – just make sure he’s okay for me, yeah?” You asked as you walked backwards to the door. Remus must’ve picked up something in your tone, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked you up and down.

“I really am sorry, Y/N. We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You quickly wiped away a stray tear that found its way out of your water line and gave him the biggest smile you could muster.

This was better, you thought, let everyone out of their misery.

“’Course. I’ll, uhm, I’ll see you around, Lupin.”

And you left.

2K notes · View notes

myfictionaldreams · 1 year

Text

First Time // Poly!Marauders x Fem!Reader

Summary: At the beginning, you were simply four friends but how was it that you all became more than this?

A/N: This has been requested so many times so I hope everyone enjoys the reader’s first time with the Marauders!

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, foursome, fluff, dom/sub undertones, loss of virginity (reader’s first time), first kiss, blindfolds, intense, multiple orgasms, creampie, vaginal fingering, discussion of masturbation, wanking, anxiety, friends to lovers, praise kink, size difference, overstimulation

Words: 7.4k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

The four of you were inseparable. Had been since the very first day on the train to Hogwarts. It was by sheer accident that you’d stumbled into their compartment, a nervous, quiet girl with no idea where to go and before you’d even opened your mouth to ask if you could sit with them, James was standing with his hand held out, “Hi my names James Potter, what's yours?”

From the outside, it looked like an odd friendship, having always remained the quiet student at the back of the class compared to the famous troublemakers that were: James, Sirius and Remus, they almost took you under their wing.

All these years later, you were never seen without one of them by your side. With your timidness, they often liked to be perceived as your protectors, and even though your fellow Gryffindors often joked about it, that sort of friendship is one you craved, needing to feel safe. It also didn’t help that they were undeniably handsome, and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hide your attraction to them.

This added to the fact that due to the nature of your close relationship, they tended to be more affectionate with you than anyone else that had you hiding smiles, cheeks warm to the touch and heart beating firmer in your chest. Especially recently, the Marauders tended to keep one hand on your person at all times whether it’s casually holding your hand, resting one of your thighs in class or slinging an arm over your shoulder, it almost felt natural to be close to them at all times.

On this particular day, a group of Gryffindors were in the Hog's head, squished into a booth, drinking butter beer and laughing at Frank's attempt of convincing the bartender to serve him some fire whiskey. Taking another sip of the sugary goodness that was butter beer, the hand resting against your thigh squeezed slightly, making you look in the direction of the owner but Sirius was still shouting something to Frank at the bar.

The touch was always intimate, almost as intimate as the army casually thrown across your back, pulling you into the warmth of James as he chuckled into his own drink. You felt safe and happy squished between them both, glancing almost on instinct to the third who happened to be smiling at you from across the table. Remus’s gaze had your eyes dropping to a stare at a spot on the table to stop from grinning.

“It’s getting late and I think it’s still snowing, should we head back to the castle?” Marlene asked the group, the majority of which agreed, finishing their drinks and beginning to pile on the layers of clothing to face the winter weather.

When neither of the Marauders moved, you glanced up at James who was looking steadily at Remus for a moment before addressing his friends. “I’m not quite sure we’re ready to head back just yet, we’ll catch you later”.

“Don’t leave it too long guys with this weather, you know what she’s like on the icey path”, Marlene jokingly teased as she nodded in your direction. Your only response was a deadpan look in her direction, you weren’t that much of a liability, having only fallen over once and even then, Remus had caught you before colliding with the floor.

“Oh you know us, we wouldn’t let anything happen to her”, Sirius responded with his own smile, once again squeezing your thigh, his thumb stroking idle circles into the skin. Lifting the glass to your mouth to hide your giddy smile, you caught Lily’s eye as she reflected the smile you were hiding. Lily had known about your feelings for the boys, in fact, you were sure everyone knew but Lily was the only one you trusted to run to where you could discuss it in detail.

The group eventually left the four of you, and James was quick to buy another round of drinks for you all. Sirius's body shifted closer to yours, his lips hovering next to your ear as he asked, “So what would you like to do? Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else?” It was an innocent question but the way his eyes dropped to your lips, your heart fluttered faster behind your ribcage.

“I’ll do anything you guys want to do”.

“Oh, are you sure about that?” Sirius teased, his hand slide an inch higher on your thighs.

Knocking your shoulder against his, you playfully responded, “Stop teasing me, Sirius”.

James returned with the drinks, his arm returning to your shoulders as they began to contemplate possible places to visit. The shops had closed now so there were only a few places left such as a different pub but it was Remus who suggested; “why don’t we take her to our special space?”

Looking between the three Marauders, eyebrows knitting together, you had no idea where they were referring to, even more, confused as both James and Sirius agreed that was a good place to visit.

“How mysterious”, you quipped, drinking more of the butter beer, enjoying the slight buzz it was giving you, leaning further into James’ warmth, feeling completely relaxed. James smiled down at you, not that you could see from where you were smiling at Remus across the table as he tapped his foot against yours under the table.

There was only an hour left of daylight when the four of you finished your beverages and began to wrap up in hats, gloves and scarves, Sirius even helping you to zip up your coat before gripping your hips and steering you towards the exit. The hold was possessive but you didn’t mind.

It was ice cold outside, your cheeks burning from the bitter wind but luckily Remus was right there, offering his arm for you to huddle into. The tallest Marauder always ran oddly warm but you knew it was due to his furry little problem, of which he had confessed to you many years ago.

You weren’t paying much attention as to where they were taking you until the barbed wire fence was in your eyesight and you stopped in the middle of the path.

“I’m not going in there are you mad?”, your eyes were wide as you looked at the shrieking shack, the decrepit building swaying with the bitter winds.

“You aren’t scared are you?” Sirius mocked, stepping closer which caused you to lean further into Remus’ body. James joined in as well until they were all crowding around your frame, all three of them were much taller than you, which only meant that was something else that they could tease you for.

“Don’t be scared, we’ll protect you.”

“The ghouls and ghosts won’t get you with your handsome knights to protect you.”

Remus lightly shoved James and Sirius away at their joking which only made them laugh but you weren’t concentrating on that as you had realised that as you’d been leaning into Remus’ body, your hand had reached behind and was squeezing his thigh in fear.

Your body warmed with embarrassment, quickly letting go whilst ignoring just how muscular it felt and apologising to the scarred Marauder but he only smiled down endearingly at you, taking your smaller hand in his.

“It’s not haunted, don’t listen to these idiots. This is where I come for my monthly visits”. This made you feel a little more relieved but it was still slightly terrifying as you all approached the building, making sure no one was around to see you all casually walking into the most haunted building in the UK.

The inside wasn’t as ghastly compared to the exterior, it was still rickety but clearly, from the boys’ regular visits, it was decorated nicely, even having a room with a lovely four-post bed, decorated with red silk sheets and three high back chairs surrounding a fire that Sirius swiftly lit with his wand.

“It’s cute!” you admit, looking at the bed before standing in front of the fire, beginning to take off your outside wear as the room began to heat.

As the sun began to set outside, the four of you relaxed in the room, Sirius sitting on the floor in front of the fire with the remaining three including you in the chairs. “Shall we check the map? I’d put 5 galleons on Alice and Frank being in a classroom somewhere”, James predicted, reaching into his back pocket and revealing the Marauders map, waving his wand and muttering the line and watching mesmerised as the map came to life.

This was one of the best things the group had created, spending hours and hours spying on students without leaving the comfort of your chair and it had revealed many people’s relationships.

“Ah, there I knew it!” James announced, pointing on the map to where Alice and Frank's name labels were hovering suspiciously close in an empty classroom. “Of course, it’s in that specific classroom as well, I’m pretty sure everyone in our years snogged in that room.”

A giggle spilt from your mouth, “not everyone James”, you admitted casually, looking at the other names on the map to see if there was any more gossip to reveal, not knowing the dumbstruck expression from the men surrounding you.

“What? I thought you had a little thing with Cresswell?” Remus asked perplexed.

“What, no! I’ve never even kissed anyone else, let alone be alone with him, ew-”

“What did you say?” Sirius asked, cutting you off on your disgusted tangent. You now realised just how much you had let slip. It wasn’t like you had been going out of your way not to be kissed, in fact, you rather liked the thought of being intimate with someone else but the opportunity had never come your way.

“I mean, yeah I’ve never kissed anyone before but it’s fine, I don’t mind”, it was a small white lie but you just wanted the conversation to move on.

“But… how?!” James asked, moving slightly closer to you.

“Well, how can anyone get close enough to me to kiss me when you’re always around? I mean do you remember when Lockhart tried to ask me to Slughorn’s Christmas ball? You just about traumatised the poor guy”.

James smirked at the memory, “If I do recall correctly, you didn’t want to go with him anyway”.

“That’s not the point I’m trying to make, I’ve just not had the opportunity and anyway, it’s fine! Can we please stop talking about it, this is embarrassing”.

The Marauders wanted to do anything but move on from this conversation, Remus decided to speak next, his voice low as he asked: “Would you like to kiss someone?”

Your eyes widened slightly, immediately looking into his, mouth feeling suddenly dry, your body feeling too warm as Sirius continued the questioning front the floor, “I mean if you’re going to kiss someone, it might as well be with someone you trust… right?”

Your automatic response was to laugh, not being able to hide the anxiety laced in your voice, moving subtly to sit on your hands to hide the gentle tremble. “Well, now there’s loads of pressure! What if I’m a bad kisser and then you never talk to me again? And who am I supposed to pick? And-”

“Honey, stop freaking out, it’s not supposed to give you anxiety, it’s a nice thing”, James tried to reason with you, his hand reaching across from where he sat to gently brush down your arm before his eyes lit up with an idea. “How about - if you still want to -, we make this easier for you?”

James took out his wand from his pocket, pointing it at one of his gloves that lay over the arm of his chair, and in a split second, the material had changed into a long cloth. Picking it up, he held it out to you, “What if you can’t see who kisses you, then you don’t have to worry about the anxiety of picking and if you don’t like it we can stop and act as if nothing has happened and you won’t even be able to tell who you’d kissed?”

You stared at the cloth in his hand, realising it was meant to be used for a blindfold. There was nothing that you wanted more than to say yes and before even contemplating the realities of the situation, you were agreeing to his proposition.

One moment you were sitting in your chair, and the next you were in the centre of the room, nervously shifting your weight from one foot to the other, your sight completely masked by the cloth now tied around your head.

“Relax darling”, Sirius spoke next to your ear. His request was easier said than done as you could hear the three of them walking around you in a circle, so you couldn’t tell who was about to kiss you, losing track the further they walked as to where it sounded like Sirius had even been stood.

Your hands were shaking even more at your sides, mentally you tried to remember to breathe. But this was such a weird situation to be in, your limbs didn’t even feel like they were a part of your body now, where were you supposed to do with your arms? And your lips, should you purse your lips in preparation? Should you have brushed your teeth?

A single finger slides under your chin, stopping any thought from spiralling through your mind. With ease, your head was tipped back, almost impossibly far from how your neck ached, forgetting just how much taller the boys were than you. The sweet butterbeer breath then fanned across the skin of your face and also gave nothing away as you all had been drinking it.

Then a pair of lips were touching yours. Delicately. Tentatively. Almost as if they were scared that you were going to break, so soft that your initial reaction wasn’t too tense like you’d expect it to be, but instead your shoulders dropped slightly with ease. Whoever it was were more than careful and you were truly unable to identify just who it was.

And then they were gone, leaving your head tilted back, mind ablaze with wanting and needing them to come back.

Having heard your thoughts, a warm hand glided across your jaw, holding the position of your head as lips were suddenly pressing against yours once more with a much more intense pressure. The lips were full, slightly moist from where the Marauder had licked them before leaning in. Your nose pressed into his cheek which meant that you could move past the smell of the butter beer and his natural scent filled your sense giving you the identification of whom you were kissing.

Not that you needed to as Sirius’ long hair brushed across your face. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest that you were sure that he could hear it but it didn’t stop him from holding you close.

It felt almost normal, natural even as your best friend pushed his lips harder against yours for a second before pulling back. You were confused by the loss of his lips but he was only tilting his head and then he was kissing you again with more passion. On instinct, you sighed into the touch, your body feeling like it was melting into the floor as Sirius moved his lips steadily against yours, giving you time to accustomed to the movements of kissing before he was backing off.

In the far reaches of your mind, you were having an absolute meltdown, screaming into your consciousness that you were actually kissing your best friends. The Marauders, your childhood friends were actually kissing you.

Another person was stepping into your personal bubble, hand once again on your jaw, cradling your head and another hand slid to your hip, pulling your body flush against a much firmer one. Then you were being kissed again, head tilted at the same angle that Sirius had held you in but with a little bit of practice, you leaned further into the embrace, hand lifting to rest against James’ chest, knowing it was him from the lingering musky cologne that was on his skin and only he had these specific toned hard body from his Quidditch practice.

A small moan escaped you, lost completely in the time and it was like sweet music to James as he smiled against your mouth but just like Sirius, just as you were starting to get into it, he stepped back leaving you feeling cold and lonely.

Instinctinyl your body tried to follow after him but he was already out of your grasp, their footsteps could still be heard, even if you couldn’t see a single thing through the blindfold. It was highly disorientating, almost felt dizzy but that was also mostly from the breathless kisses. As the three men continued to talk in circles around you, your tongue darted out and moistened your lips and you had to hold back a groan at being able to taste something that wasn’t you, realising it was a mixture of Sirius and James' mouths.

As you took a deep breath to try and gather more courage a body was once more in front of yours, tilting your chin further and further until Remus could lean in and capture your lips.

Remus absolutely devoured your mouth. Holding you close so he could press you closer, his tongue teasing against your lips, begging for you to respond to him which you did, opening and letting his tongue dance with yours. Raising onto your tip toes to try and reach more of him, needing more, already as addicted to his taste as you were to the other two, needing his warmth.

You could have cried with happiness as he didn’t step back immediately as his lips left yours. Instead, they made their own path down your neck, tasting your skin, finding the areas that had your knees wobbling and breath catching in your throat.

But of course, this would not last as he was gone again but thankfully the wait wasn’t long as a different set of lips were replacing Remus’, this time exploring your jaw, spending time to tease beneath your ear where you hadn’t realised you were so sensitive until a shiver passed through you.

Your hands found their way into the shirt of the man now gently nibbling your ear, the press of his glasses against your cheek, you knew it was James who had returned. With nothing covering your mouth, there was nothing to hold back the mewls and whimpers, especially as James moved lower, teeth grazing over your pulse mouth. His wicked mouth was sending you into a needy puddle.

“Please…”. You weren’t entirely sure what you were pleading for but Sirius answered by sliding his body behind yours, his hands resting comfortably against your hips, dipping his head to the opposite side of your neck to James.

“What do you want sweetheart?”

“I don’t know…”, you internally cursed yourself with just how desperate you sounded. It wasn’t that there was anything specifically that you were wanting, just knowing you needed everything.

Having already kissed all three of them, which was a big deal in itself, but the dampening between your legs was desperately screaming to be touched, and you wanted to touch them, even if you weren’t sure what to do.

“I can see you thinking too much, just breath Baby, relax into our touch, let us make you feel good.”

Your mind seemed to disappear of all thoughts, the only sensation was the burning of your skin with every nibble and lick that they doing to your body. However, your anxiety was always there just to bubble to the surface, your body tensing slightly as you stuttered.

“But…But I-”.

James stopped kissing your neck, all three of them pausing feeling the tension as you began to panic. Sirius ran a warm hand up your clothed back in soothing circled as you struggled to think of the words you were desperate to say.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do love. We can stop if it’s getting too much for you”, Sirius continued to try and soothe you.

“I don’t want to stop”, you finally were able to choke out, something that you truly meant. “I just-”, biting your lip contemplating the words, slightly embarrassed but a rough fingertip eased your lip from between your teeth.

“Talk to us,” it was Remus now speaking from somewhere to your right, but you couldn’t feel him other than the finger and thumb on your chin.

“I don’t know what I’m doing”, you admitted finally.

To be honest, you’d expected them to laugh however when they didn’t, your body seemed to relax, especially realising that they were all now stroking a part of your body to try and help to calm you down.

“We don’t expect you to know what you are doing love. We want you to experience these things, to make you feel good. Just let us take care of you. Do you want the blindfold off?” Remus asked.

You shook your head with a response of now. Even though you could tell who was kissing you now, the thought of actually looking them in the eye was too real. They were your best friends, and they were making you feel good so in your blissful ignorance of having a blindfold on, you didn’t have to look them in the eye at least.

“Do you want to continue?” James asked from in front, his lips grazing your temple in a comforting way.

“Yes”.

“Will you tell us to stop if you become too uncomfortable?”

“Yes”.

No one moved for a moment, almost having a silent conversation between the three of them before James was tilting your head back from where it was leaning on Sirius’ chest. You’d expected him to kiss you but his lips moved lower, lips pursed blowing cool air against your burning skin. His hand which was slightly rough from the calloused from training on his broom, inched down your neck, following the sensual air that he was blowing until he teased the material of your shirt.

Your chest was rising and falling dramatically, desperately sucking in air as you didn’t stop his fingers as he began to unbutton your shirt, slowly, one at a time, making sure to stroke the exposed skin until reaching the top of your breasts did he stop.

However, he only stopped so that he could push the material away from your shoulder, moving to kiss the skin there, the sensations once again new. However, Remus didn’t give you time to gasp as he tilted your face in the direction that he was facing, kissing you breathlessly and hungrily.

Sirius still stood behind you, pulling your body into his enough that if you weren’t being distracted by the other two, you’d noticed the throbbing lump in his trousers. Instinctively you were leaning into him more, savouring his warmth. Sirius’ hands began to curve around your waist, teasing along the hem of your shirt, dipping beneath to brush against your bare skin. Your hips rolled as his fingers ticked slightly but you already knew you’d be craving to feel his fingers on your skin in the future, loving the sensation of someone actually touching you in an area that had been unexplored before.

The long-haired Marauder began to unbutton your shirt from the bottom, slowly grazing over your navel until there was only one single button holding your shirt together in between your breasts.

Remus pulled back to peek down at your body, sucking in a breath as his eyes darkened, watching Sirius unbutton the last one with a simple flick of his fingers, exposing your front. Your shirt floated open to reveal the laced bra covering your breasts, but your perked nipples were still visible through the thin material.

“So fucking pretty”, James complimented as he pushed the offending material off your shoulders and onto the floor and stared down at your chest like the other two men. You were already flushing at the compliment and would have probably combusted if you could see the hungry gaze of the Marauders looking at your body.

James couldn’t wait anymore as his large hand cupped your breast and his tongue licked your nipple through the lace. “Ah!” your back arched into the touch, fingers desperately gripping into his messy hair, holding him there. Even though his tongue was warm and soft, the sensation it caused was like hot fire straight to your core, like a bolt that had your thighs rubbing together to try and ease some of the tension that was catapulting through you.

It felt so good that you were begging for more with a desperate plea as James moved to the other breast. Sirius was going absolutely feral for your moans, having wanted to hear them for so long but he needed to keep his calm, instead moving to inch his hand up your naked spine, finding the clasp of your bra and with a single kiss to the back of your head, undid the bra.

The thin straps fell from your shoulders and you had to momentarily release the grip on James’ hair to allow the material to fall completely from your body and onto the floor. Without even a second to process the venerable state that you were in, being topless around another person for the first time, James and Remus moved with sync and began to worship your breasts.

Each nipple was sucked into the warm mouth, teeth teasing the tip before being comforted by a stroke of a tongue, hands squeezing the rest of the flesh of your breasts, absolutely taking your breath away. Each movement had your body rock and underwear continuing to dampen.

Your head flew back against Sirius’ chest, glad that he was there to support you, feeling unsteady.

“Fuck, you look so beautiful” Sirius’ voice was rasping as he whispered into your ear. With gentle hands, he tilted your head back so that he could kiss you passionately, almost dizzy with lust, forgetting to breathe as his tongue stroked yours. Sensing your unsteadiness, Sirius pulled back, much to your distaste as you groaned in want. “Remember to breath”, he reminded you.

Remus pulled off your nipple with an audible ‘pop’, looking up into your face to make sure that you did as instructed, smiling as you gasped for a couple of breaths. Once again your knees felt unsteady with holding up your body as James gave a significant suck to your nipple.

“Let’s move onto a more sturdy surface”, Remus suggested but you were hardly even listening with the euphoria you were experiencing, feeling completely alive and blazing. However as you were moved by the three men, it was even more disorientating, not knowing where you even were in the room anymore until you were being eased down onto the soft, silky bed.

Shifting until you could feel the divots of the pillow in the centre of the bed, it dawned on you just how exposed and intimate it was with the position that you were in. Especially as you weren’t joined immediately, knowing they were looking at you lying and waiting on the bed for them.

Eventually, one of them climbed onto the bed and you could feel it dip by your feet as whoever it was inched between your legs, crawling your body until they were able to kiss up your sternum. Moaning as whoever was touching your body, grazed the edge of your trousers, teasing for them to be undone.

Then the bed was shifting again as someone else climbed onto it, picking up one of your hands, kissing your palm, and making his way up your forearm. The lips tickled the skin as they made their own journey towards your mouth before you were devoured by Sirius, his taste exploding against your tongue as he released his own groan that caused your hips to roll against Remus, hinting for him to carry on with his plan.

Slowly, your trouser button and zipper were undone to allow him to begin pulling them down your legs. Remus was quick to kiss the newly exposed skin down your legs, whispering “beautiful” between pecks.

“You’ll tell us to stop if it’s too much…?” James asked from across the bed, he’d been watching his friends devour you, trying to memorise the sight before him, knowing they were approaching a place that they could not return from.

“Don’t stop,” you say breathlessly as Sirius had moved away for you to answer the question. Remus grinned against your leg, hooking his fingers into your underwear, dragging the material down your naked legs and at the same time, James began leaning down to kiss your breasts again, making sure to keep your arousal high as he ran the rips of his fingers over the curves of your hips, hitting a particulary sensitive spot on the inside.

Sirius wanted to kiss you again, seeing you completely naked on the bed but he also wanted to see your reaction to being touched for the first time so he waited, even though you were half covered by the blindfold, he watched your mouth as Remus made the first move between your legs.

With his scarred hand he began by brushing a hand over your mound, tickling the skin, as he used his other hand to open your legs up further, giving him a better view as his thumb finally stroked your clit.

“Oh Merlin”, you cried out, back arching which only pushed your breast further into James’ mouth. You couldn’t believe this was actually happening, someone was actually touching your pussy.

Remus didn’t want to completely overwhelm you so made sure to keep his mouth nibbling along the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, watching how your body reacted to all of the delicate touches. His thumb rolled your clit slowly in circles, matching the way you were rolling your hips.

“Have you ever touched yourself here?” Remus asked with a sly smirk plastered across your face, no that you could see it. Sirius was still watching you just as intensely as Remus as he gripped your jaw tenderly, holding you there.

“Yes”.

James smiled around your puffy nipple, groaning at the thought.

“How do you touch yourself?” Remus continued his questioning.

Thankful for the blindfold, even though you were slightly embarrassed at least you weren’t having to look at them as you answered. “I…I touch myself where you’re touching”, referring to your bundle of nerves.

Remus pressed a fraction harder, drawing a moan from you. “What, here?”

“Yes”.

“Where else?”

“I … sometimes put a finger inside of me”, actually saying these words to him, your best friend was thrilling, especially as with each answer you gave, one of the three men would moan deeply.

“Just one finger?”

“Two”, you answered honestly.

“Good girl”, Sirius says to your honesty, his thumb brushing your jaw in a calming way. The praise he uttered was almost like a lightbulb moment which Remus noticed instantly as your hole suddenly clenched in arousal.

“What else do you do?” Remus continued to ask, wanting to know every single detail of your masturbation.

You were so lost in your arousal that you began talking without thinking, breathing heavily now with your mouth gaping open. “I… hump my pillow and think about this”.

This confession seemed to stop them in confusion, groaning as Remus had stopped his motions.

“What do you mean by ‘this’, love?”, James asked from your chest. You wanted to escape and tried to hide your face in the bed but Sirius’ grip held strong and then he tutted, understanding just what you meant.

“By this… did you mean us? Do you think about us when you’re touching yourself?”

“Yes”, you admitted, past the point of caring now.

“Fuck”, one of them cursed.

“Want to know something?” Sirius continued, “I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve pumped my cock with you in mind. I’ve been dreaming of this moment for so long.”

Remus didn’t give you time to respond as he teased your entrance with his finger, his thumb continuing to tease your favourite spot. Your hips were still rolling desperate to feel more and he took that as his sign to finally breach your walls.

“Fuck, you’re so wet”, Remus groaned as he pushed his finger inside of your cunt. It was a sensation you weren’t entirely sure how to explain, it was so different to your smaller fingers but all you knew was that you wanted more as he began to slowly pull out to push back in.

Sirius and James stopped to watch how you reacted, finding it the most beautiful sight as you breathed greedily, hands clenching the sheets harshly, thighs shaking from having to keep them open, wanting nothing more than to slam them shut and ride his hand much like you’d imagined with your pillow all of those times.

As Remus added another finger to your eagerly awaiting cunt, James and Sirius swapped positions. Sirius teased and played with your breasts and kissed along your sternum as James moved between leaving open-mouth kisses along your throat, to absorbing your moans with his own mouth.

Remus was careful not to hurt you, knowing this was the first time you’d had anything the size of his fingers in there, making sure that you were wet enough and relaxed before curling his fingers and pressing more firmly in swipes across your bundle of nerves.

It was an instant reaction, to reach for that pleasure as you released the grip on the bed to try and grab Remus but instead held onto James and Sirius's heads, using them as momentum to ride the fingers inside of you.

The sensation swarmed you quickly, the coil in your abdomen almost overwhelmingly tight as you called out into Sirius’ mouth, the orgasm taking your breath away completely, legs dropping down onto the bed.

All the whilst, Remus was praising you, “That’s a good girl, you’re doing so well”. It was unlike anything you’d been able to give to yourself and it took a moment to catch your breath as the three of them waited patiently. Your entire body felt relaxed in the after-orgasmic glow.

“What do you want to do sweetheart? Do you want to stop?” Sirius asked as he tenderly kissed your cheek, something you leaned into.

“No, I want to keep going but… I don’t think-, I mean, all three of you, I don’t-”.

“Shh”, Sirius cut off your words with a swipe of his thumb against your lips. “Not all three of us, not with your first time darling. We have all the time in the world for more”. Your heart pounded at the possibility that this wasn’t a one-time thing but then another mouth next to your other ear had you drifting back to the moment as he kissed along the shell of your ear.

“It’ll just be me today my love, how does that sound? I’ll look after you…”

You nodded your head, wanting him desperately, not that it mattered which of the three it was, this was actually happening, your arousal spiking once more as you turned your head towards James to try and kiss him which he gladly reciprocated.

But all too quickly he was leaning away from you, leaving that side of your body cold and empty. “You’ll tell me to stop if you need me to, won’t you?” James asked from somewhere further than on the bed as he began to strip off his clothes, not that you could see.

“Yes”, you verbally say rather than nodding your head, hand reaching out to touch one of them, smiling when Sirius’ lips nipped the tips of your fingers, nuzzling into your palm as you rested it against his cheek.

Remus also moved on the bed, climbing over your body to move his lips against yours, distracting you completely from the situation but then as James’ hands began trailing over your legs, parting them and giving him room did it dawn on you again that you were actually about to lose your virginity.

Remus and Sirius seemed to move away now leaving you and James in the middle of the bed. “Do you want to keep this on?” James asked, poking the material tied around your head.

Contemplating for a moment - even though all of this foreplay had been fun with the blindfold and it had helped with your anxiety, your virginity could only be taken once and you wanted to fully be in the moment so steadily, you removed the cloth from covering your eyes.

It took a moment of squinting your eyes to adjust properly to the light in the room that mostly came from the fire at the other end of the room. What you’d anticipated were regret and fear but as James gazed down at you with his soft brown, wide eyes, and glasses fixed on his face all you felt was safe in his arms.

Even as you caught sight of Remus and Sirius to the sides, their hands moving up and down their shafts as they chased their own highs watching the two of you, it didn’t feel embarrassing, it felt right. There was no one you trusted more in the world than these three and even in this vulnerable state, you wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment forever.

“Hi,” you said timidly up at him, a smile spreading across his handsome face in response. James lowered his body over yours, almost cocooning and moulding the two of you together and his natural body heat helped to keep you relaxed as his nose bumped yours.

“It’s just us, love”, he whispered against your lips before kissing you, tongue dancing with your own making you moan at the taste of him. Your legs moved on their own accord, wrapping around his hips, ankles locking together, almost pulling him closer until you felt his noticeable length graze your thigh.

Trying not to lose your cool, your hands landed on his shoulders, feeling the toned muscles beneath before cupping his jaw as he pulled back. James watched your face closely, wanting to see every emotion that you had as his hand disappeared between your bodies to align his cock with your cunt.

Similarly to Remus, James was very aware that this was your first time and was very aware that this could potentially hurt so he moved slowly, his tip gradually breaching your hole.

Your eyebrows knitted together, your mouth dropping open as you looked down to where your bodies were now joined. It was intense the further he moved, it wasn’t horrifically painful but still stung as you stretched to a size you’d definitely never had before. James stopped at one point, not fully penetrating in but just giving your body to adjust as he finally dipped his head to kiss your swollen lips, distracting you from the discomfort.

The Marauder waited for you to nod your head to continue moving and after a few more small thrusts, your cunt had accustomed to his size, even beginning to move your hips with his. His cock felt so incredibly deep inside of you, each fuck in and out was hitting every single spot that you craved to be touched.

James groaned at how tight you felt, almost suffocating his cock, it was unbelievably good, seeing how you looked underneath him, your eyes glazed, mouth open in a constant string of moans.

You were so lost in the emotions and pleasure that you couldn’t even speak and warn that you were about to cum but James could tell by the tightening of your cunt. “Cum for me sweetheart, fuck you feel so good”, James encouraged.

He held intense eye contact, mouths brushing each other but not fully kissing, just remaining close so you came hard once more, thighs squeezing his hips harshly.

“Wait, ahh-” you cry out, needing James to pause with how sensitive you were feeling and James had to hide his face into your neck from not cumming with how tightly your cunt was convulsing around his cock. It took a few minutes of deep breathing and James’ hands massaging over your body to calm enough before rolling your hips, signalling for James to continue.

As he began to thrust back into you, the messy-haired man sat back on his knees, pushing both of your legs up to your chest which was when Sirius and Remus moved back over to the bed and you were thankful for this, almost like they could read your mind as you were about to moan for them.

In this position, it gave Sirius the perfect opportunity to circle your clit with his fingers in time with James' thrusts. You were crying out again, throat beginning to feel raw with how much you’d been moaning but you also never wanted it to end, it just felt so good.

Remus casually sat next to you, his hand continuing to pump his impressively sized cock, and he smirked as he caught you looking at it with wide eyes, not understanding how that would ever fit in you.

You wanted desperately to kiss Remus but he simply held your jaw so that you had to watch him touching himself as he watched you getting fucked by his best friend.

James' moans increased in sound as his cock throbbed inside of you, desperately close to reaching his own climax.

“Is he making you feel good?” Remus asked, looking down your body at where Sirius was touching you.

“Yes, he feels so good, I think I’m going to cum again”, you admitted between moans, Sirius’ fingers moving with more pressure as he heard how close you were.

“Good, I want you to cum before Prongs does”, Remus’s dominant tone had you heating with even more arousal if that was even possible. His intense stare, the hold on your jaw, the guarantee of feeling safe, there was no way you weren’t going to cum that very moment.

Chanting ‘yes’ with each thrust, you came, eyes having to close to try and remain in control and this was all James needed to release his cum deep within your cunt, groaning needing at how fucking good you felt. You felt almost close to tears with the stimulation you’d experienced, your body reeling from the multiple orgasms but also aching from being licked, stroked and fucked, it was a little overwhelming now.

James eased his cock out of your hole causing you to wince slightly as the euphoric feelings began to fade away, you still felt good but needed a good rest. The brown-eyed boy smiled apologetically down at you, gently kissing your cheek before climbing off of the bed to retrieve his wand from his discarded trouser pockets.

Just as you were able to ask for a tissue to clean up in between your legs, James waved his wand and the mess that was a mixture of yours and his juices disappeared.

“Thank you”, your voice was quiet, thick with exhaustion as you dropped your head onto the bed. Sirius was soon crawling next to you, his body quickly wrapping around yours, causing you to turn on to your side, his face nuzzling into your neck.

What was going to happen now? Would they even want to still be your friend? Would you all wake up tomorrow and regret what had happened? You knew for sure that you didn’t regret anything only worried for the repercussions.

A flick to the tip of your nose had you glancing up at Remus as he too lay on the bed now, facing you and it then only registered that he and Sirius had cum whilst watching you being fucked by James but you’d been so lost in your own pleasure that you hadn’t noticed.

“Stop thinking so hard”, Remus whispered, stroking your cheek tenderly. “We’ll talk about this all tomorrow but you haven’t lost us, we’ll still be right by your side when you wake up”. You took a deep breath, the tension melting away as you smiled at him before closing your eyes.

Tomorrow was a new day, a new start to whatever was going on between the four of you but one thing was certain, you’d need to speak to Lily about making some birth control potion soon.

#poly!marauders #marauders smut #marauders one shot #the marauders #james potter smut #james potter one shot #james potter #sirius black smut #sirius black one shot #sirius black #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin smut #remus lupin #hp smut #hp one shot #hp #mine*

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moonlightspencie · 6 months

Text

tenderly, tragically

Description: Silly, lifelong best-friendship leads to a lot of meaningless teasing. Though, sometimes teasing comes from a place of truth. It’s just that sometimes, those getting teased are the last to know why.

Pairing: Best friend!James Potter x Reader

Warnings: fluff, some angst, smut 18+ (p in v, praise kink, whiny james, size kink, first time for both), drinking, its really idiots to lovers

Word Count: 7.8k (just fluff): 9.4k (smut)

A/N: smut is at the end, and there’s a warning before it starts since it’s kind of like an alternate ending/extra bit. if you JUST want fluff, it ends at a good point for that before the smut starts :) ALSO: as with all of my marauders fics, characters are aged up (19-20)

fic playlist

“Jamie,” I squeal a laugh, chasing after him.

He laughs, continuing to out-run me. The bastard.

“Not my fault you’re slow,” he calls back. “Catch up, love, or you’ll get caught.”

I run harder, jumping on his back when I get close enough. We both knew he’d slowed down to let me get closer, but neither of us bothered to mention it. He laughed, holding onto my legs as they wrapped around his waist, slowing until he was walking.

“You’re going to get us caught, you know that?”

I snort a laugh. “Please. There wasn’t even anybody there.”

He rolls his eyes playfully, finally dropping me from his back, and instead slinging an arm around my shoulders.

“They could have, though.”

“But they didn’t,” I say pointedly. “Besides, Remus, Peter, and Sirius are still actually in the Slytherin dorms. Lousy look-outs we are because of you.”

He chuckles, walking us towards the stairs.

“They’ll be fine,” he shrugs with a cocky smirk. “Besides, I doubt even most of the Slytherins would object to a little prank on Snivellus.”

I hum, nodding a little. “I guess. Still. You’re a bad friend.”

“You ran too,” he accused, his brow furrowing. “Don’t go and pin all this on me.”

“You told me to run!”

“You didn’t have to listen!”

I scoff, shaking my head. He gives me an irritated look, but pulls me a little closer under his arm. We get into the common room, and without even asking, he starts ushering me to their dorm room.

“Why?” I ask, knowing he knows what I’m asking.

“Sue me for wanting to spend some time with my life-long friend,” he says, quirking a brow.

I push him away from me, but he doesn’t really let me get far. He opens his door, pushing me in first. I immediately flop onto his bed face-first.

“Not complaining now, are you?” he asks, laying next to me.

“Not my fault your bed is so comfy,” I say, my voice muffled by the mattress.

I feel the mattress dip, and look up to see him also turned on his stomach, right next to me.

“If you really wanted to get me alone this bad you could’ve asked,” I say with a wink.

He rolls his eyes, but a smile gives him away.

“Please. I know you’re secretly hoping for it, but we both know that’s never going to happen.”

“Me?” I laugh. “As if. What would I do with a quidditch player?”

He scoffs, an offended look on his face.

“I’ll have you know that I am very desirable, and half of that has to do with the fact I’m the seeker, thank you.”

I roll my eyes. “Uh huh. And what’s the other half?”

“You seen this face?” he asks, a cocky smirk on his lips.

“Unfortunately I have.”

“You’re mean,” he says, a laugh breaking up his attempt to be offended.

He pushes me a bit, but I hardly budge. I laugh at his attempt, but apparently that was the wrong thing to do. He perks up, trying harder to fully push me off the bed, now.

“Hey!” I say in protest, fighting back against him.

He laughs, both of us practically fighting as he keeps trying to push me off. I see an opportunity a moment later and take it: I grab onto one of his arms with both of mine.

“Ha!” I say loudly. “Can’t push me off now unless you also fall off.”

He pauses, then an evil smirk comes onto his face. My face drops as I realize what he’s about to do. He scoots over, dropping both of us onto the ground. I squeal as we fall, and I end up taking the brunt of the fall as he lands on top of me.

“You should never threaten me with a good time. You know I can’t resist,” he says, not bothering to alleviate the pressure of his body pinning me down.

I groan. “You suck. I didn’t think you’d actually push both of us off just to get me.”

“Then you don’t know me very well,” he replies with a quirked brow.

“Please. I know you better than anyone and you know it.”

He opens his mouth to snark back at me, but the door opens before he gets a chance.

“You two are the worst,” Sirius says, clearly out of breath. Then, he scoffs as more footsteps follow behind him. “And look at this! They ran off on us to… Canoodle on the floor.”

I furrow my brow, pulling a face as I try to see him around James.

“Canoodle?” I repeat in disgust.

James finally starts getting off of me, kneeling on the ground next to me as I start pulling myself up. Remus and Peter give us a look.

“We’re not… canoodling, and you can blame Prongs for us ditching. He’s the one who took off running and told me I had to, too.”

Remus quirks a brow at that as Sirius goes to sit on his bed.

“You didn’t have to listen to him,” Peter pipes up.

“That’s what I told her,” James says, giving me a self-satisfied look.

I make a sour face at him, pushing his arm a little. He pushes me back, and I straighten up. Though, Remus must notice that look on me.

“Don’t you two start up again,” he says, pointedly looking between us. “If I have to watch you two flirt any more I might throw up.”

“We’re not flirting,” James grumbles. “She’s just fun to mess with.”

“Mm. And you’re just easy to win a fight against,” I add.

He looks at me quickly. “You didn’t win the last one.”

“Because you pushed us both off the bed!” I exclaim.

“Oh, shut it, you two,” Sirius says, his arm draped over his face. “We’ve been back for three days and you’re already acting up.”

I snort a laugh at Sirius’s annoyance, climbing back onto James’s bed. I sigh with my face in the pillows, feeling him climb over me to get to the other side a second later.

“You got us in trouble,” he whispers.

“Your fault, not mine,” I reply.

“You’re the one who insulted my perfect face.”

“You’re the one who pushed me first,” I argue back.

“Oi!” Sirius calls out again, leaving us both laughing.

Our first few weeks of school go off without a hitch. The boys continue pulling their little pranks, occasionally dragging me along with them. I settle into my space this year, glad to still have Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas as my roommates. We always tended to get along quite well.

I start reading a new book one night, absolutely enraptured with the story, probably even more so considering it’s helping me to avoid the homework that I really should be doing. I get though the first couple chapters before I notice Lily staring at me.

“What is it, Lils?”

“Can I tell you something?” Lily asks suddenly.

She looks around the room, seemingly to make sure the other girls are really gone for whatever she’s about to say.

I look at her over my book. “Sure.”

“Promise not to tell anyone?”

I nod. “Promise.”

She sighs, sitting up a little straighter. “I think I have a thing for someone… Well, for James.”

My eyes widen. “Really? You wanted nothing to do with him a little while ago.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just bored or something, but I’ve been thinking about telling him.”

I nod. “Yeah. You should.”

“Really?” she asks, surprised.

“Why not?”

She smiles to herself. “Yeah. Why not? Do you think he’ll say it back.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe? He did have a crush on you before.”

She hums to herself. I laugh a little, shaking my head.

“I think I’ll do it tomorrow. Better to do it sooner than later, yeah?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I shrug noncommittally. I really just wanted to get back to my book.

“You don’t even care,” she groans after a moment.

“This is a really good book, Lils,” I laugh.

“Fine. I’ll stop bothering you.”

“Thanks,” I smirk to myself.

She scoffs again, though I know she isn’t really offended. I wish her good luck as we head off to our classes that day, knowing she was planning on telling James sometime in the morning.

I end up finding him later, though I try not to press for answers the second I find him. We sit on the grass in the late afternoon, watching some first years play a little quidditch match for fun. It’s uncharacteristically warm outside, and the sun shines down on us. After half an hour of watching the kids play, I glance at James.

“I wanna show you something,” I say suddenly, standing.

James looks up at me in confusion. “I’d prefer not to move.”

I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.

“It’s a nice day. Sunny and no clouds. Please, just follow me?” I ask, almost whining. “Promise you’ll like it.”

He leans back on his hands. “How do you know?”

“Because I found a secret place in the woods, and you’ll be the first person besides me to see it,” I offer.

He quirks a brow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now get up.”

He grumbles to himself as he gets up, following me as we walk towards the woods. I start leading him through the trees towards the destination I had in mind.

“What were you even doing in here? It’s dangerous,” he says quietly.

“I was fine. Just had a long day and wanted to explore. It was in the daytime anyway,” I say matter-of-factly.

He hums to himself, clearly dissatisfied that I went out here by myself. But as I finally lead him to our destination, his annoyance wears off.

“Whoa,” he says, his eyes a little wide.

I smile. “See? Told you it would be worth your while.”

He looks on at the small clearing. There’s a little pond with clear water, the space in the trees allowing some sunlight to reflect on the water. It looks peaceful at least, and nearly-heavenly at best. I look at him expectantly.

“How’d you find this?” he asks, squatting by the water. He dips his hand it. “Whoa. It’s warm.”

I nod, still standing. “I found it when I was exploring, like I said. A few weeks ago. I charmed the water to stay warm, so I’ve been out here two or three times to swim. Thought I’d show you before it gets too cold.”

He smiles, standing up. “You want to go swimming? You didn’t bring any—”

His eyes widen as he finally looks at me. At this point, I’ve already started taking off my robes and my shirt.

“What?” I ask, brows furrowed. “You act like you’ve never been around me getting dressed. We’ve been friends since we were like six years old. Now, hurry up. Faster you get undressed, the faster we get to swim.”

He rolls his eyes at me, begrudgingly taking off his clothes, even though part of him still looks excited that I’d found such a nice little place.

I start wading in once I’m down to my underwear, the water feeling nice and warm in contrast to the slightly-cool air. I hear him come in after me in a moment, and turn to watch him.

“Nice, isn’t it?”

“Can’t believe you were hiding this from me,” he says, hiding a smirk.

“Oh, please,” I reply, floating on my back in the water. “You’re lucky I showed you at all. Nobody else knows about this. You should feel honored.”

I hear him hum and splash around a little, though my eyes are closed. I bask in the warmth of the sunlight on my face.

“Did Lils talk to you today?” I ask after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah.”

I upright myself, looking at him as he aimlessly walks around in the water.

“And?”

He glances at me, giving a shrug. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” I press, furrowing my brow. “What’s that supposed to mean? What did you guys talk about?”

“I have a feeling you already know,” he snorts a laugh.

I roll my eyes, wading closer to him. “So she told you?”

“Yep.”

“Well, what happened? What did you say?”

He sighs dramatically. “Does it matter?”

I splash him a little. “I’m gonna hear about it no matter what. She’s my roommate. Just wanted to know from you before I see Lily later.”

“Told her I wasn’t interested,” he says quietly, splashing me back a little.

I pause. “Why? You always had a massive crush on her.”

“Not in like a year,” he says.

“So you just rejected her?”

“I didn’t reject her,” he furrows his brows, looking away from me. “She told me she liked me, and I just told her I wasn’t into her like that. She didn’t ask me a question, so it wasn’t a rejection. Just being honest.”

I groan. “Jamie, she’s going to kill me. I’m the one who encouraged her to tell you.”

His eyes widened. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“I thought you liked her!”

He pauses for a moment, then splashes me again, this time fully soaking me. I scoff a laugh, in shock as the water hits me. I glare at him, then splash him back just as hard. He starts going on the attack, practically throwing the water at me repeatedly.

“You absolute tosser,” I say, continuing to splash back, though I can’t help but laugh.

I start backing up as we both continue, now laughing and barely able to see with how rapid-fire we’re going. Eventually, I turn and start running for the shore as much as I can while being chest-deep in water. I squeal as I hear him closing in on me.

“No, no, no,” I laugh, getting closer and closer to safety.

“Should’ve thought about trying to run a little harder, love,” James says back, still giggling to himself.

He catches up to me when the water is finally below my hips, and grabs around the waist, pulling both of us backwards. The water goes over our heads for a moment, and I gasp out a laugh as we emerge again. He sits us up in the pond.

I turn in his arms, smacking him lightly on the chest. “You’re awful!”

“You love me,” he smiles brightly, still sitting on the ground in the shallow water. He pulls me in a little closer. “You’re just mad that I won.”

“Still can’t believe you said you didn’t like her,” I say, brushing some of his wet curls away from his eyes.

“Not gonna lie to the girl,” he shrugs, swatting away my hand.

“Still. I thought for sure you’d be excited.”

“Hm. I don’t know. Maybe a couple years ago, but not anymore.”

“At this point I’m convinced you’re driving girls away on purpose. When was the last time you dated someone?” I laugh.

He looks at me, mockingly offended. “Excuse me?”

“What?” I exclaim, still laughing. “Last girl I remember seeing you with was some Ravenclaw a few quidditch wins ago, and even then, you were just sucking face because you were drunk.”

He finally pushes me away from him, trying to hide a smile. I chuckle, gaining my bearings, and finally landing comfortably on my knees in the water a foot away from him.

“You wouldn’t be so offended if I were wrong,” I tease.

“Yeah? And when’s the last time you dated somebody?”

I scoff. “You scare off every boy who tries to ask me out.”

“Cause they’re all ridiculous,” he states, making a face. “Are you seriously telling me you wanted to go out with that Johnny kid from Hufflepuff?”

I smirk. “Touché. But still, it’s not my fault I’m not dating anyone. You, on the other hand…”

“What’s that supposed to me?” he quirks a brow.

“You’ve got all kinds of girls chasing after you. What’s your excuse?”

He pauses for a moment, then smirks. “Who else would waste all their time with you if I were too busy with some girl? You’d be all alone. I’m doing you a service by staying single.”

“Please. You and that ego, I swear,” I shake my head. “I have plenty of friends outside of you.”

“I’m the best one, though,” he says, a brow raised with a cocky smile.

I make a face, then splash him once more for good measure.

“That’s it,” he mumbles, tackling me.

I yell a little with a laugh as his arm wraps around my back and drops me onto the bank where the water was scarce. I keep my head propped up as much as I can, though the rest of me is still covered in a little bit of water. It doesn’t help that James is pressing me into the ground.

“Admit it. I am the single greatest person you’ve ever met.”

I laugh again. “In your dreams.”

“Not letting you up until you admit it.”

“Guess we’re stuck here forever, then,” I argue back.

“Guess so,” he says plainly, dropping his full weight on me. I groan, my breath getting squeezed from me. “Best to make myself comfortable, then.”

“You’re so heavy,” I whine.

He chuckles, just quietly observing me for a moment. I tilt my head in question as he doesn’t snark back. He swallows, a small smile still on his face, but a little bit of color now in his cheeks. My eyes widen a little bit.

“Jamie—”

He doesn’t give me a chance to get anything else out, his lips pressing to mine softly. I freeze, in shock at the sudden change of circumstance. My best friend is kissing me. He pulls away when he realizes I wasn’t kissing him back, his cheeks taking on a deeper shade.

“I’m sorry, I don’t…” he shakes his head, looking at me with his lips still parted. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

He gets off of me quickly, getting out of the pond and back to where we left our clothes. He casts a drying spell on himself and starts getting dressed. Meanwhile, I’m still in the water, feeling like I’m stuck. I swallow with a dry throat, turning to see him starting to pull on his pants. I finally get up, quickly moving towards him.

“Jamie—“

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that,” he shakes his head, not looking at me.

I let out a frustrated groan. “We have to talk about that, James.”

“Not right now. Just,” he sighs, looking at me quickly. He takes out his wand again, casting that same drying spell on me. “Get dressed. We don’t want to miss dinner.”

I stare at him for a moment as he continues putting his clothes on, then finally move to get mine on. We finish getting dressed in an uncomfortable silence, that kiss playing on repeat in my mind. Why would he do that?

I look at him when I’m done to see him staring at his shoes, his hands shoved in his pockets. I walk nearer to him, though he takes half a step back when he notices. I furrow my brow.

“Don’t start that.”

“Start what?” he asks, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

“Pulling away from me,” I say, grabbing his arm and tugging him closer to me. “I don’t know what just happened, but I’m not going to lose you as a friend all because you—”

“I’m not pulling away from you,” he rolls his eyes. “I just— I don’t want to… I’m embarrassed. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed.”

He scoffs. “Right, because there’s nothing embarrassing about trying to kiss your best friend while she looks at you like you’re crazy.”

I sigh. “I just didn’t know what was happening. You’ve never done anything like that before.”

He looks away, chewing at his lip. “Can we just forget about it? I really don’t… I didn’t mean to.”

I fall quiet for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts, but they’re all seeming to escape me. I let go of his arm, taking in a deep breath.

“You know I love you, right?” I ask.

He nods. “Yeah. I know.”

“Okay. Yeah, we can forget about it,” I nod. “You want to go get dinner, then? I heard a rumor they’ll have those apple tarts you like.”

He looks at me, smiling a little bit. “Yeah?”

I nod again, smiling back. “Would I lie?”

He chuckles a little, nodding towards the way we came into the woods. I start leading the way back out until we see the castle again. He catches up to me at that point.

“Sorry again,” he says quietly.

“About what?” I ask, raising a brow. “All I remember is us swimming around. Unless you’re apologizing for tackling me in the pond, in which case, you’re forgiven only if you get me some chocolate frogs next time we’re in Hogsmeade.”

He smiles a little. “Yeah. Promise I will.”

“Good,” I say, knocking into his shoulder a little.

He nudges me back. Of course. I go a little harder the next time I knock into him, until we’re both practically pushing one another over as we head towards the castle. He gives me a particularly hard shove, barely catching me by the arm before I actually fall to the ground. We’re out of breath from laughing when we finally get to the castle, feeling wonderfully back to normal by the time we reach the Great Hall.

We walk up to the marauders, taking our usual seat across from the three boys.

“Hey,” I greet.

“Where were you two for the past hour?” Sirius asks with a quirked brow.

I snort a laugh. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I would, considering we saw you wander off into the forest,” he says, leaning forward on his arms with a smirk.

I roll my eyes. “None of your business.”

“Always so secretive,” Remus says, stabbing a few potatoes on his fork before looking between us.

I glance at James who laughs as soon as we make eye contact. Though, I also catch another pair of eyes when I turn towards him, and wince a little. Lily looks at me with her brows furrowed from a little ways down the table. I shrug at her, unsure why she looks upset with me. She rolls her eyes, going back to her conversation with Dorcas. I sigh.

“Great. Now Lily’s mad at me because you had to go and turn her down,” I say to James.

Peter laughs. “He turned her down?”

“When did this happen?” Remus asks, looking much more curious now.

“You need to learn how to shut it,” James says to me, his voice a little high as he shakes his head.

“They would’ve found out anyways,” I say, barely feeling sorry at all.

I hold back from chuckling as James is pelted with questions from the boys, focusing more on my food and trying to ignore the occasional sour glance I get from Lily.

Though, I couldn’t escape her forever.

I walked into my room after a night of sitting around with the boys and Marlene in the common room. I thought I would be going to bed and falling asleep, but clearly it was wishful thinking. Lily stared at me from her bed as Marlene and I shut the door behind us.

I raised a brow. “Hi?”

Marlene looked between us, excusing herself to take a shower. The traitor.

“What the hell?” Lily said, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, what the hell? Why have you been giving me sour looks all day?”

She scoffed. “You told me to tell him, and you know what he did? Oh. Wait, of course you know. Because of course he already told you. Because of course—”

“Oh my god, Lily,” I roll my eyes, going to sit on my bed next to hers. “I’m sorry that I was wrong about how he’d react, but I had no clue. I thought he still had a thing for you.”

She huffs a sigh. “I should’ve known you were setting me up. What, do you like to see me embarrassed?”

“If I did, I would’ve gone along to watch it happen,” I say, annoyed at her attitude. “Sorry I was wrong, but I didn’t know. And you said you wanted to tell him, anyways.”

“You don’t seem to be that sorry considering you were back to hanging around him again all day.”

“He’s my best friend, Lily. I’m not going to ditch him because he didn’t have feelings for you,” I say, shaking my head.

She stands up suddenly. “Well, maybe you should. Maybe if you weren’t like… In love with him, you’d be a better friend to me.”

I stare at her in annoyance. “You need to get a grip. I wouldn’t have encouraged you to try telling him if I was ‘in love’ with him. We’re friends. You’re being insane.”

“Well, clearly he at least has feelings for you!”

I furrow my brow. “Excuse me?”

“Why else would he reject me?”

I laugh against my better judgement. “Are you serious? One boy doesn’t like you, so it just has to be because he’s in love with someone else? Lily, I love you, but that is the most egotistical thing you’ve ever said.”

“But you’re not denying it.”

“James isn’t in love with me. Have you considered that he just doesn’t like you anymore? It happens. People move on,” I say, sighing. “Just… Go to bed, Lily. This is a ridiculous and pointless argument.”

I lay back on my bed, closing my eyes while I wait to get into the bathroom. I hear Lily mutter something under her breath, but choose to ignore it. The more she got angry with me, the less I cared that she got her feelings hurt. I didn’t want to be unsympathetic, but it was getting hard to be concerned when I was blamed for a boy not liking her. Obviously James didn’t like me.

Obviously.

I think.

He did kiss me.

I open my eyes, staring at the ceiling for a moment. James didn’t like me, did he? He’d never shown interest in me before. That kiss probably just happened because he was confused. He wanted to forget about it, anyways, so clearly that had to mean he didn’t mean it. And I didn’t feel that way about him anyways, so it didn’t matter.

Except, I did feel my heart pound a little differently when he looked at me before the kiss.

I didn’t hate the way his lips felt.

Seeing him smile at me on the walk back did give me a few butterflies.

But, no. That’s nothing. He’s my best friend, I wouldn’t suddenly start feeling that way about him. I couldn’t. It’d be ridiculous.

It’s not like I’d spend the rest of the night thinking about him. Except that I did. A lot.

I woke up the next morning, feeling like I was going insane. I’d never felt that way about him before. Of course, I always though he was attractive. How could anybody look at him and not think he was gorgeous? But there was never anything more besides friendship. So why could I not stop thinking about him?

My eyes feel heavy as I sit in my last class of the day, James trying repeatedly to mess with me throughout the class. With five minutes left, he leans in closer. Since when did he start smelling so good?

“Hey,” he says quietly, drawing my attention. “What’s wrong? You’re not getting mad at me.”

“Just tired, Jamie,” I shrug, staring at the notes on the chalkboard that I haven’t copied down.

“That’s a lie. I can tell.”

I sigh. “Have you ever… Has anyone ever told you something about yourself that you thought wasn’t true, and then… And then you realize they might be right?”

He furrows his brows. “How do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Like, let’s say someone tells you that you like strawberries, when you’ve never liked strawberries. But then you think about every time you’ve had a strawberry, and you realize that you actually really did like strawberries. A lot more than you thought you did. Like… you realize strawberries are your favorite fruit.”

He stares with a confused look, tilting his head. He reaches up, pressing the back of his hand to my forehead.

“Are you feeling alright?”

I lean away from him, rolling my eyes. “Cut it out.”

He smiles, nudging me slightly. “Can’t say I’ve had that experience, no.”

I groan. “This sucks.”

“Why can’t you just tell me what actually happened?” he asks. He pouts. “Please?”

I smile at him, trying hard to be annoyed, but finding it difficult. *God, I’m in trouble.*

“I just can’t. It’s… private.”

“You never keep secrets from me.”

“I don’t even know what secret I’m keeping just yet,” I sigh, resting my chin in my hand. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Aw,” he coos. “You say that like you aren’t already.”

I push him, laughing softly, though we both straighten up when the professor reprimands us. We give a quick apology, still smirking at each other the next time we catch one another’s eye.

The next days pass by in a blur as I come to terms with what I’ve been feeling. It doesn’t help that I couldn’t talk to anyone, especially since Lily was still mad at me. Now, though, I couldn’t blame her as much. She somehow realized I was into him before I did.

“Hey,” Remus says, coming up to me as I sit in the common room. “It’s late. Why are you still here?”

“Why are you?”

He shrugs, sitting next to me. “Can’t sleep. Moon’s coming in a couple days.”

I hum in acknowledgement. “Gotcha.”

He settles into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks sideways at me as I stare into the fire.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Cause I can’t tell anybody.”

He scoffs. “That’s ridiculous. You’ve been off for days. James keeps complaining about how you’re not spending time with him as much.”

I shake my head, not responding.

“You need to talk to someone about this.”

“Can’t.”

“Bullshit.”

I look at him. “Seriously. I can’t talk to Jamie about it, Lily’s still mad at me, and Marls and Dorcas are too gossipy.”

“You can talk to me,” he shrugs.

“You wouldn’t get it, though.”

“Try me.”

I let out a breath. “You have to promise this stays a secret.”

He nods. “Promise.”

“Okay,” I say under my breath. “Okay. So, um, Lily got really mad at me the other day because of the whole…. Confession thing. And I didn’t understand why, and she started accusing me of things, and obviously I disagreed… But then something she said kind of stuck with me.”

“She’s just mad. Don’t listen to her,” Remus says, shaking his head. “You know how she gets when she’s in one of those moods.”

“But I think she was kind of right,” I sigh. “That’s the problem. She thinks… She told me she thought I was into James. And not like friends, like really into him.”

Remus’s eyes widen a little. “And… are you?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for the past week, and… I think I might be.”

“Whoa. I know we always tease you two for how close you are, but I never thought you…”

“I know,” I groan, my face in my hands. “And I know I haven’t been hanging out with him as much as usual because of it, but I don’t know what to do. How do you tell your best friend that you suddenly realized you’re in love with him?”

He doesn’t answer, just reaches over and gives me a hug. I accept it, sighing a little.

Our next week goes over just like that. I don’t avoid James by any means, but I try not to always be alone with him. I do find more opportunities to talk with Remus about it all, though, and it helps. Just to have someone to listen to me as I complain about my feelings. I do the same for him when he has troubles, though mine seem silly in comparison. He always tells me not to compare, though.

Unfortunately, though, as much as those chats help me process my feelings, they don’t help me get over those feelings at all. If anything, they only grow the more I think about James.

It’s super annoying.

Even more annoying is Lily’s smug look when I tell her about my feelings for James. I expected her to be mad at me, but she did something worse: she laughed at me.

“I knew it!”

“How? I didn’t know!”

“Because you are so obvious,” she shakes her head.

I scoff. “I’m clearly not that obvious or else you wouldn’t have told me you had a crush on him.”

“Alright. Fair enough,” she quirks a brow. “But still.”

I roll my eyes, walking over to hug her.

“Sorry about that. If I knew I had a crush on him I wouldn’t have told you to go for him.”

“Sorry back,” she says. “Shouldn’t have gotten mad at you that he told me no.”

“I agree,” I laugh.

She whacks me in the arm, laughing back.

I try to go about my life as usual over the next couple of weeks. There’s no sense in making myself miserable or drawing attention to my small shift in behavior. I find myself still doing most of the same things I always did. Just a bit more carefully.

I sit with the boys at dinner, laughing at their stupid jokes and the plans they have for pranks. I finish my food, pushing the plate away from me, and listening in on a conversation being had between Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

“You know, those three plan on being out all night,” James says quietly, leaning close to me as he watches the three boys talk.

I raise a brow. “Yeah? Doing what?”

“They wanted to just be out of the castle for the night. Think Sirius and Remus are going to the shrieking shack, and Peter is sneaking out to go meet up with some other friends in Hogsmeade, I guess.”

“And you aren’t running off?”

He shakes his head. “Told them I’d stay behind. Thought me and you could have a sleepover. Like old times.”

I chuckle. “It has been a while.”

“I think close to a year. They’re always in my space,” he says, feigning annoyance. “But it’ll just be us tonight, if you want.”

I push down whatever feeling rises in my chest at that and agree, despite my better judgement.

He pulls me into his room that night, immediately going to the foot of his bed, looking at me like he’s about to change my life.

“I brought something a little… fun,” he smiles, opening up his trunk to show me his secret stash of drinks. “Thought we might finally crack it open.”

I laugh. “And you didn’t think to tell me sooner?”

“Hey, we’ve had plenty at the Gryffindor events,” he smiles. “This is just for us. Our secret.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m the greatest.”

We find ourselves on his floor after a few drinks, feeling fuzzy and happy. We talk about nothing for hours, occasionally passing a bottle between us.

“Maybe we should do this more often,” he says, smiling up at the ceiling. “I miss spending time with you like this.”

“We’re always together.”

“You spend a lot of time with Moony lately. Not fair, I want you all to myself,” he chuckles, poking my side.

I laugh, poking him back. “I’m still all yours. Love Moony so much, but you’re still my favorite I think. Now, if Sirius decided to start hanging around me more, then you’d be in trouble.”

He giggles, his cheeks rosy. I watch him carefully, feeling warm in the face myself, but for a different reason.

“You have a really cute laugh,” I say before I can think about it.

He looks at me with a smile, his tongue poking out between his teeth. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nod.

“You’ve never told me that before.”

I shrug. “I should’ve.”

He stares back at me for a moment, giving me a little silly smile. He leans over me, propping himself up with his forehead next to my head. He leans down, much like he did that day we went swimming. But this time I kiss him back. My hand finds his cheek, holding him gently as I let him work his lips against mine. I can’t deny the warmth that spreads over me or the butterflies I feel this time.

This time it lasts for a few minutes, neither of us bothering to pull away. Whether that’s because he actually likes it or because we’re both drunk and don’t know any better, I don’t know. I also don’t care.

He finally pulls away after a little while, still giving me that smile as if he didn’t just take all the air in my lungs away from me.

“We can pretend that one didn’t happen, either,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

I nod, unsure what to say. I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen, but I couldn’t tell him that without outing myself. I settle for the way his hand mindlessly reaches for mine as we go back into conversation like nothing ever interrupted us in the first place. Eventually, we move to his bed, preferring the softness of the mattress and pillows over the hard ground.

“Can I ask why you’ve been spending all your time with Remus?” he asks during a lull in the conversation, playing with my fingers as he does.

“Just became better friends recently, I guess,” I say, glancing at him. I admire his face for a moment before snapping out of it. “Some stuff I can talk to him about that I haven’t been able to tell anyone else. It’s been nice to have someone to listen.”

“I could do that for you. You didn’t have to go to him.”

“Not this time, Jamie. It’s… different.”

“How?”

“It just is,” I sigh. “I’ve had too much to drink for us to be having this conversation, James.”

He whines. “Please? I just want to know.”

“No. Maybe I’ll tell you someday, but not now.”

He grumbles, turning over and resting his head on my chest. His arm rests over my stomach. I just hope and pray he doesn’t feel how hard my heart starts beating when he does.

“Play with my hair?” he asks, his voice a little muffled.

“Okay,” I reply softly, running my fingers through his messy hair. “This okay?”

He nods a little. “Mhm. Thanks.”

We don’t wake up until the next morning, still stuck in that same position.

I find myself with Remus again the following night. I sit on a chair, and he lounges on the couch, trying not to judge me for putting myself in that situation. I don’t tell him about the kiss, but he hears about everything else.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he says after a beat of silence when I finish explaining. “You either need to tell him, or put some distance between you.”

“I tried that today.”

“I know,” he rolls his eyes. “It’s all James could talk about. Complaining the whole day that you weren’t eating with us or not going to the library when we were.”

“See? I feel like nothing I do is right in this situation,” I say, feeling defeated. “Like, how am I supposed to keep spending time with him like everything’s normal when I’m practically floating every time he so much as looks at me. It’s pathetic. And I can’t just ignore him, cause then he goes and bugs you all.”

“Maybe you just need to—”

“Hey,” James’s voice calls from behind us.

I look at him, noticing the annoyed look on his face. It doesn’t seem like he’s overheard us, but I can’t tell why he looks so irritated. Usually he’d be annoyed if I didn’t bother with them all day, but he looks… mad. I quirk a brow.

“Hey,” I say, confused.

He doesn’t reply, looking a little upset and a little lost. I turn back to Remus after a moment of silence, our conversation effectively being cut short. I stand up quickly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say to Remus, starting to walk past James in order to get to my room.

“What’s going on?” James asks, grabbing my upper arm.

I turn around quickly. “What?”

He clenches his jaw, then looks at Remus. “Moony, we need a minute.”

Remus goes to argue, but drops it quickly when he sees James looking more serious than he ever has. He gets up, giving me a sympathetic look before he heads towards the boys’ dorms. I glare at James as he hasn’t let go of my arm yet.

“Why did you do that?”

“Why are you with him again?”

I scoff. “You mean our friend? Did you ever think maybe we were talking?”

“That’s the problem,” he says, dropping my arm.

“How is that a problem? I’m going through something and he’s just trying to help—”

He sighs harshly, looking around like he’s lost. He looks back at me with his brows furrowed.

“I don’t get it,” he says, practically whining. “You never keep things from me, and now you’re telling Moony all of your secrets and ditching me for him and… And I don’t understand it. We’re supposed to be best friends.”

“We are, Jamie, there’s just some things that I can’t—”

“Why not?” he swallows, tears starting to prick his eyes. “Why can’t you tell me? You never do this. We tell each other everything.”

I freeze for a moment, my mouth drying up as I look at him. I want to reach out for him and hold him and make him feel better. But I also want answers, because it’s his fault that everything got screwed up. He didn’t have to reject Lily. He didn’t have to kiss me when we were swimming. He didn’t have to do it again on his bedroom floor. He didn’t have to treat me like I was the most important person in his life.

“Then tell me why you kissed me,” I blurt out.

He shakes his head a little. “I don’t know.”

“Then figure it out! You don’t just get to kiss me and then act like you just did it for no reason.”

His chest heaved from his breathing, staring at me. His cheeks tinged pink again as he took a moment.

“I—I just wanted to. I don’t know. You were there and you were looking at me like that and you just…” he huffed a sigh. “I just wanted to kiss you.”

“Why?” I asked, frustrated.

“Because,” he said back, his tone matching mine. “Because I always want to kiss you and I slipped up and did it one time—”

“You did it twice!”

“Okay! Two times,” he exclaims. “We promised we would just forget about it.”

“And what exactly is that even supposed to mean?”

“You’re so fucking oblivious,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes. “God, what do I have to do to make you understand that I’m—”

I wait as he stops talking. “That you’re what?”

“I’m in love with you. I have been forever, and you’ve never cared,” he says, letting out a shuddering breath. “And now you’re spending all of your time with Remus. And it’s so embarrassing that I’m sat here hopelessly in love with my best friend of over ten years while she’s running around with another one of our friends.”

“Running around with him? We sit in the common room and talk because you’re fucking infuriating!”

“Oh, so you’re gossiping about me?” he asks, voice raising as mine does once again.

“Not gossiping, just—”

“Just what?”

“I’m in love with you, too, you fucking tosser!”

He looks angry for a few moments, then it switches to confusion, then shock, and possibly the five stages of grief before he finally lands on raised brows and an open mouth.

“You what?” he exclaims.

“You’re so annoying,” I say, groaning. “Yeah, Lily had to go and tell me I was in love with you, and she always has to be fucking right about everything, doesn’t she?”

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” he asks incredulously, furrowing his brows. “You just told me you loved me.”

“I’m aware, James,” I say, crossing my arms.

“Well… Did you mean it?”

“Obviously,” I say, shaking my head at him like it was a dumb question.

“You’re so dumb,” he says under his breath.

Before I can say anything else, he’s moving forward, his hands on my cheeks as he crashes his lips into mine. I melt into him, this kiss being way more passionate than the one we shared the night before. I hold onto his waist, letting him deepen the kiss, though it only lasts for a minute or two after that.

He pulls away. “You’re infuriating. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“You didn’t tell me anything, either!”

“I kissed you twice!”

I roll my eyes. “That doesn’t count. You said we should forget about both times.”

“Only cause I thought that’s what you’d want,” he defends, making an annoyed face.

I try to be angry, but it’s a difficult task. I reach up, running a thumb over his furrowed eyebrows.

“So grumpy,” I mutter. “Just told you I was in love with you. You’d think you’d at least try to be happy.”

He scoffs a laugh, pulling me into a hug, his face buried in my neck.

“I’ve never been happier.”

We hear footsteps coming down a few minutes later.

“You owe me ten galleons,” Sirius’s voice says.

I look over James’s shoulder as he keeps holding onto me, not caring that our friends are right there.

“You were betting on us?” I ask.

Sirius nods with a smirk. “And Peter just lost. He thought you’d take until the end of the year to get together. I said it’d be in this term.”

“I didn’t bet,” Remus says from behind Sirius, holding his hands up in surrender with a small smile. “Glad you worked it out, though.”

I smile at them, shaking my head and turning my attention back on James again. He looks at me finally.

“I’m glad, too,” he says quietly. “Think I might’ve combusted if I had to keep pretending I didn’t want you like that.”

“Didn’t do a great job at covering for it, though. Still kissed me twice.”

“You say like you didn’t love it,” he smirks with a wink.

————-> SMUT STARTS HERE. 18+ <-————

James finally pulls away, taking my hand in his.

“Good, now that you’re all out the room, if you’ll excuse us…” he says, pulling me past the boys who all groan in disgust.

I giggle as he practically runs to his room with my hand in his, kissing me the second the door is shut and locked. I smile into the kiss, my arms around his neck. He starts kissing my cheek and jaw after a few minutes.

“Hope you’ve been feeling the tension as much as I have, cause I could probably cum in my pants right now if you asked me to,” he says casually, as if it wouldn’t send a wave of arousal down my body.

“Oh my…” I trail off as he bites at my neck softly. “Are we gonna…?”

He pauses, his eyes wide. “Oh. I probably should’ve asked before I assumed, huh?”

He winces a little at his own excitement, cheeks tinged pink.

“Sorry.”

I smile softly. “That’s okay. I— I want to, I just didn’t know if that’s what the plan was.”

He smiles again brightly, kissing me once more. He giggled against my lips, then starts backing me towards the bed.

“I really do love you. Kind of embarrassing, really. I think I have forever,” he says softly, laying me down on the mattress and crawling over me.

I let out a soft breath. “Embarrassing for me, I think. I didn’t even realize until someone else told me I did.”

He laughs again, starting to kiss down my neck.

“I kind of always wanted you to be my first time, to be honest,” he says against my skin.

I pause, realizing what’s really happening. “Oh. Oh my god.”

“What?” he asks, leaning up to start unbuttoning my shirt.

“Wait, have you never… You haven’t done this either, have you?”

“Not all the way,” he shakes his head, then looks at me with wide eyes. “Is that okay?”

“That’s okay. I haven’t either. Just… You know. I’ve done some hand stuff but that was it.”

He looks at me again, then starts laughing a little. I find myself laughing right back as reality sets in for both of us.

“We’re gonna take each others virginity,” I say, still laughing a little. “Oh my god.”

He snorts a laugh. “Didn’t wake up this morning thinking this would happen, that’s for certain.”

I smile. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” he teases, dropping a kiss on the tip of my nose.

I watch as he finishes taking off my shirt, getting up just enough to help him pull it and my camisole off completely. He sits back on his knees, staring at me for a moment.

“You alright, Jamie?”

He nods. “Doing great, love.”

He starts taking off his own shirt, then. As many times as I’d seen his arms and chest, you’d think I wouldn’t still feel amazed seeing him in just his trousers… But I couldn’t stop staring, either. He leaned back in, kissing me again. I let my hands run over his arms and back, having free reign to do so and enjoying it. He nipped at my lip, a little noise leaving me and making him smile against my lips. I do the same to him, both of us ending up grinning at each other again.

“This is nice,” I say quietly. “Doing this with you, it’s nice. I like that we don’t feel like we have to act… sexy.”

“Well, that because it’s never an act for me, love,” he winks with a smirk.

I pull him back down with a giggle, though the smile is wiped from my face when he rolls his hips into mine. Feeling him hard for me for the first time leaves me a little breathless, especially when he’s grinding into me. I small groan leaves me when he does it again.

“Like it when you do that,” he says into my ear, doing it again just to get another reaction out of me. “I like those little sounds you make. So pretty.”

I find myself breathing heavily, my hands squeezing between our bodies to start unbuckling his belt. He gets the hint and sits up, pulling it off himself.

“Get out of those, yeah?” he says, nodding at my bottoms as he works himself out of his.

I comply immediately, shimmying out of my trousers and tossing them onto the ground. He gets back on top of me as soon as we’re both one layers closer to what we really want. I let my hand slide into his underwear as he stars kissing at my neck again, letting out a shuddering breath when I finally feel him. He whimpers into my neck as I start stroking him, rutting his hips into my hand.

“Feel so good, love,” he says, voice whiny and desperate.

I groan back, especially as one of his hands slides under the band of my panties to slip a finger into me. I feel myself growing hotter, kissing him and swallowing the moans he lets out as my hand keeps working him over.

“Shit, Jamie,” I moan as he adds a second finger.

“Good for you?” he breathes out.

“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Yes. Very.”

I whine as he gets me closer to the edge, his hips doing all the work as my hand stopped moving up and down his length. He adds pressure to my clit with his thumb, sending me careening over the edge with praises and his name on my lips.

He pulls his hand away from me suddenly.

“Can’t wait any longer, love,” he says, voice wrecked.

He slides my panties off my legs as I take my bra off. Then, I watch with wide eyes as he pulls his underwear off, his cock bigger than I was expecting by far. I knew he felt big, but seeing him was entirely different.

“Fuck,” I say, staring at him. “Don’t know if I can take that, Jamie.”

“Yeah, you can, love,” he nods, settling between my legs and kissing me softly. “You can take it, baby.”

He pushes himself up just enough for both of us to see him rubbing his head through my slick before prodding at my entrance. He starts pushing in slowly. I let out a loud groan, my eyes shutting.

“Shh, just relax, love,” he says, lips hovering over mine. “You’re doing so good. Taking it so well, baby.”

He whimpers against my lips as he keeps pushing in slowly.

“So big, Jamie,” I moan, watching him disappear inside of me.

“I know, baby,” he says, a few more little noises spilling from his mouth. “I know, but you’re being so good. My good girl.”

He bottoms out, both of us panting and holding onto each other as I adjust to the new feeling. It hurts a little, but not in a bad way. Especially when he starts moving. That bit of pain makes way for a lot of pleasure once he starts rocking into me at a steady pace, whining and moaning into my ear.

“S’good, Jamie. You feel so good,” I say, trying to catch my breath.

“So good for me, baby. Squeezing me nice,” he whines, pinning me down under the weight of his body. “Good girl. So proud of you taking me so well.”

“Gonna cum again,” I say, feeling it building in my stomach again.

“Me too, baby. Just a little more,” he says, pressing his face into my neck again. “Don’t want to be done so soon, but you feel so perfect. You’re so good for me.”

I moan at his ramblings of praise, his words only causing me to get closer to that peak again. I hold onto him tightly, my body wrapped around his as he fucks into me like we’d done it a million times before. I speak his name over and over and over again as I crash down, my eyes rolling back from the intensity of the orgasm, and the fact that he doesn’t stop fucking me through it.

Though, near the end of my peak, he moans out a hundred more praises, my name falling from his lips as I feel him fill me up with his cum. He whimpers again against my skin as he finishes, not stopping the movement of his hips until he’s visibility overstimulated.

We breathe heavily, holding onto one another tightly as we come down from our highs, his hair sticking to his forehead as he leans in to kiss me softly again.

“Holy shit,” he whispers. “You’re perfect.”

I breathe out, a small smile on my face. “You… Yeah. Oh my god. I thought the first time was supposed to be bad.”

“It was perfect for me. But I barely lasted, it couldn’t have been that great for you,” he says, looking a little disappointed that he might not have done a good job for me.

I shake my head. “You still made me come harder than I ever have. You were incredible, Jamie. I mean it.”

He smiles softly. “I’m gonna have to kick them out of here more often. I might be addicted now.”

“And we have more things to try,” I add. “Can’t let this happen only once a week or something. Too much to figure out, I think.”

He giggles again. “Like what?”

“I’d really like you in my mouth next time.”

His smile drops. He starts nodding quickly. “Yes. Yeah, I’ll kick them out at two in the morning if you ask. Whatever you want.”

I laugh, pulling him into another kiss.

“Now, we have to figure out that contraceptive spell, or else we might be in some trouble,” I say with a smile.

“Sorry about that,” he smirks, clearly not sorry. “I’m sure Sirius knows it.”

“Please. As if he isn’t fucking Remus whenever those two run off to the shrieking shack.”

James’s eyes widen. “What?”

I snort a laugh.

“And you called me the oblivious one.”

#james potter #james potter x fem!reader #james potter x you #james potter x reader #james potter fluff #james potter smut #james potter fic #james potter fanfiction #best friend!james #bsf!james potter #marauders smut #marauders fluff #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #marauders x reader #marauders #luna still hates jk

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ur-local-anti-hero · 1 month

Text

Back to december

Remus Lupin x reader

Summary: Remus feels like he will regret that night the rest of his life, the marauders convince him to do something about it.

Genre: Hurt/comfort, Second chance romance

CW: Remus being self-destructive and questioning his worth.

Word count: 1.8K

This is part of my Speak now (Marauders' Version) collection.

“So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, Saying I'm sorry for that night. And I'd go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine”

Remus sighed, his eyes were fixed into someone across the great hall. He was sitting with the marauders at their usual place, his fork was playing with the food in front of him, he hadn’t been able to eat ever since that night.

“Come on mate, tell us what’s wrong. You’ve been sighing the whole dinner.” Sirius’ voice made him turn to him, seeing his three friends looking at him with worry written in their faces.

“Nothing is wrong, I’ve already told you” Remus replied with the same excuse he had been using for days.

“Yeah and that’s why you’ve been looking at Y/N like a kicked puppy for the last week” James retored. “Tell me again, why did you two break up?”

“How many times are you going to ask me that?” Remus sighed, tired of repeating the same conversation over and over with his friends.

“Until you tell us the truth” Peter urged.

“I’ve been telling you the truth, we wanted different things, the relationship wasn’t working”

“Remus” Sirius’ voice was stern, and the lack of a nickname while referring to his best friend was jarring. “You two were the epitome of love, I had never seen you smile as much as you did with her, like, never.”

“It’s hard to believe you, not even a day before you broke it off you were looking at her like she was the best thing that had ever happened to you. Your words, not mine.” James insisted.

And he was right, Remus had never been as happy as he had been while dating you. The choice of breaking things off had been all his. He loved you so much it was terrifying, at some point all he could think about was how long he had left before you realised what he really was and you left him for someone better. You deserved someone better.

“I really hope this has nothing to do with your monthly problem.” Peter’s voice was low, only for the four of them to hear.

Remus couldn’t help it, he stiffened. Peter had nailed it and he wasn’t ready to let his friends know about how deep his insecurities really run. But, they noticed his frame changing from exhausted to on guard, Remus didn’t even say anything before the rest of the marauders understood what had happened.

“Is that true Remus, did you break up with her because of that? I thought she already knew?” Sirius asked quietly, his previous anger now replaced with symphaty.

“She knows now, and it doesn’t matter, just drop it. I’m done with the interrogation” Remus snapped at them before getting up and leaving the great hall, leaving his friends with dumbfounded expressions behind.

───✥───

Lily meant well and you knew it, but if she kept asking you if you were okay you might explode.

“How are you, Y/N?” Lily asked you, for the fourth time in the last hour.

Ever since Remus had broken up with you Lily had been sitting next to you through all the meals, leaving her boyfriend's side, and afterwards she would walk you to your dorm. You appreciated her company and her friendship, but she was also a constant reminder that things were not as they were before, and therefore she was a constant reminder of your heartbreak.

“I’ll be fine” was the answer you settled for every time she asked.

“I talked to James.” Lily hesitated before speaking “Are you really okay? He told me why you and Remus broke up…”

Your eyes widened at that, if James had really told Lily about your break up that meant Lily knew about Remus being a werewolf, and as far as you were concerned he had never pushed her out of his life as he had done when you had been the one to bring it up.

“You knew about…that?” you decided to keep it as vague as possible in case James had made something up to stop Lily from asking more details.

She nodded “Ever since fourth year”

“Did he tell you?” You needed to know, your hands were now shaking and your heart was racing.

“No, I figured it out. Just like you did '' Lily's words calmed you down a little, if he had been able to confide in Lily but had never felt safe enough to tell you it would’ve made you feel awful.

“The moment I brought it up he cut me off, we didn’t even have the chance to discuss it. He just broke up with me.” It was the first time you were being honest about it, and it just made everything hurt like if Remus was breaking up with you all over again.

Lily stepped closer to you before wrapping you in a tight hug, her arms stroking your back in an attemp to comfort you.

“I think you should talk to him, try to make things right again.” she whispered.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, he probably doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

“Somehow I doubt that.”

Maybe Lily was right, but you would never be brave enough to even try to prove her right.

───✥───

After storming out of the great hall Remus had locked himself in his dorm, he didn’t want any of the marauders to give him a speech about how he couldn’t let his lycanthopy affect his relationships. Because it had already affected the most important one he had.

But of course his friends wouldn’t grant his wishes.

“Remus, let me in, I want to talk with you. Please” Sirius was nothing but persistent. “Come on Moony, you know I’m not leaving.”

Remus sighed, he’d been doing that a tad lately, but decided to let Sirius in. He wasn’t going to give up anytime soon, and he preferred to talk with him alone and not wait for James and Peter to join Sirius.

When he opened the door Sirius didn’t waste a second and barged in, going directly to sit on Remus’ bed.

“Oh, yes of course, make yourself at home on my bed.” Remus scoffed at him.

“Come sit, Moony”

Remus didn’t have the strenght to fight him, so he walked towards his bed and sat next to Sirius.

“What happened when she found out?” He wasn’t going to waste any more time.

“She confronted me about it, asked me why I hadn’t told her.” Remus said sadly

“Was she judgemental, was she scared or disgusted?” Sirius inquired, he knew you well, and you weren’t anything but lovely and understanding, being disgusted by Remus’ lycanthropy was not something he pegged you to be.

“I didn’t give her the chance to really express what she thought of it” Sirius gave him a look of encouragement for him to continue. “I broke up with her before she could say something.”

“Why?”

“I think that if she had rejected me at that moment I would have never recovered from it, I was terrified.” He said, his words showing a rare vulnerability.

“Do you regret it? Not giving her a chance. Do you really think she would’ve hated you?”

“I regretted it the moment she walked out of the door, but I couldn’t risk it”

“I think you should give her the chance, talk with her.” Sirius patted his shoulder

“If she didn’t hate me then, she defintely does now. She deserves better.”

“I believe it’s not your call to choose what she does or does not deserve, give her the chance.”

Maybe Sirius was right.

───✥───

The Gryffindor common room was not very crowded after curfew, usually only a few seventh year students were spotted working on their class work after being kicked out of the library.

But these days you would only find comfort on the couch in front of the fireplace, even if it was not a substitute for Remus’ warmth during the cold nights of december, it was the best you found.

The quiet crack of the wood being burned and the weight of your blankets lulled you to sleep, your eyes were closed and your breathing slow, you were finally falling asleep when the weight of another body made the couch shift.

“Y/N '' your name was called very quietly, barely above a whisper, but you could recognise the voice anywhere.

“Remus” your eyes opened and you sat up, straightening yourself

Remus was sitting right next to you, far enough for his thighs to not touch you, but close enough for you to be able to read his expression in the dark room .

“Can we please talk?” He was fidgeting with his hands, clearly nervous of how this conversation was going to go.

You hugged yourself before nodding. Then a beat of silence

“I’m sorry.” you both said at the same time. Another silence took over the room before you both chuckled awkwardly.

“I’m really sorry Y/N, I shouldn’t have cut you off like that. I was scared and I was impulsive, I know I can’t excuse my behaviour, and you don’t have to forgive me but I needed you to know.” He took a deep breath before continuing

“I have never felt what I feel for you before, and only the thought of you leaving because of my lycanthropy terrified me. And the moment you confronted me about it I thought it was better if I was the one leaving. But I regretted it the moment I saw the tears in your eyes, and when you walked out of the door all I wanted was to take my words back. And I regret it every time I see you across the great hall instead of next to me. Words can’t begin to show how sorry I am.”

Remus was now crying, he wasn’t the only one, your eyes had started to water the moment he started talking. You took his hand on yours before speaking.

“It’s okay Rem, I forgive you. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I would hate you for being you” you said sincerely.

There was a brief moment of silence in which you looked each other in the eyes, they were filled with tears, but also love. You swore no one had ever looked at you like that before.

"Can we try again, please?" He asked

You didn't even answer, throwing yourself at his arms, which embraced you with the familiar warmth you desperately craved.

"I've missed you so much, please never leave again" you sobbed into his chest

"I won't, I promise" he said, placing a kiss on your temple.

Maybe Remus should listen to Sirius' advice more often if they were going to help him get the love of his life back.

Author's note: I'm so proud of this one I think it's super duper cute. I'm also dying with uni work at the moment, wish me luck, love u all <33 Thank you for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are welcomed and very appreciated To be part of the taglist Dm me or send me an ask <3 Series' taglist: @feral-posts @izuoyarmin @aremuslupinsimp @yourfavgay @imobsessedwitholiviarodrigo

#remus lupin x reader #marauders x reader #marauders fandom #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #marauders era #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin fic #remus fanfic #remus x reader #remus lupin #remus x you #remus lupin x you #marauders #remus lupin x y/n

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madwcman · 2 months

Note

Hi sweetie (can I call you that? Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable) can I request something that goes like poly marauders x slytherin reader where they figure out they like reader and reader also likes them back but she feels like they don’t like her that way. Angst with fluff something like. Is okay if you can’t take care of yourself <33

a/n: i want to start off and say thank you for requesting and im so sorry i’m posting this late! but i hope you enjoy, this is my first time writing ploy! marauders so please be kind. also i’m not uncomfortable by you calling me sweetie!! :)

pairing: poly! marauders x slytherin! reader

having a crush on three out of the four marauders was just absolutely dense on your half. not only were you a close friend of theirs but james, sirius and remus were in a relationship together, joining in an already formed relationship seemed foolish to you. especially since they were so happy together. you gathered that james, remus and sirius just couldn’t see you in a romantic light.

so you decided to avoid them the best you could. and it wasn’t really that hard. considering you were a slytherin, you just hid in your dorm most of the time. other times where you would see the boys you would just ignore them. if they waved, smiled or even called out your name you would ignore them. and run in the other direction away from them.

“dove, you’re avoiding us.” you look up from the book you were reading and see remus, james and sirius standing in front of you in the library. you’re surprised they’re all in the library, especially james and sirius considering they hate to be quiet and being quiet is the mandatory rule in the library.

“i don’t know what you mean.” you mutter quietly, looking back to your book. avoiding their narrow eyes. “yes you do.” sirius, speaks sourly as you hear the chairs scraping against the floors. looking back up, you see sirius and remus have taken a seat across from you while james sits beside you with a strained smile. “no sirius, i don’t.” you snap back, closing your book. you start to gather your things ready to take your leave to avoid the boys once again.

“will you please just talk to us?” you turn to james, as you stand from your chair. his hair is a little messy from him running his fingers through it, his face looks more red than usual. he looks at you with an angry face. he’s angry with you. “we just want to know what we did.” he waves his hand around between him, sirius and remus. you look at each of the boys with anticipation. you finally let out a sigh and sit back down.

“are you going to talk to us now?” remus asks, he sounds and looks hopeful. you shake your head miserably. this will surely end your friendship with the boys. “well are you going to explain?” sirius ask,

“i’ve been avoiding you three because i want to be with you guys romantically.” you admit, with a gloomy tone. “oh.” they all speak at the same time. you start to tear up and wait for them to reject you. and then later on break up the friendship you guys had. “dove, what’s wrong?” you hear remus get up from his seat across from you and bend down beside you. “dove?”

“are you guys going to stop being friends with me?” you mumble out. closing you eyes. “no, why would we honey?” james ask, rubbing your back softly. “because you guys don’t feel the same.”

“we never said that.” you hear sirius speak, he standing beside remus, he’s not good with comforting but you hear the worry in his tone. you can see he’s trying his best. “what?” you look up from your lap. to look at sirius in disbelief. “we’ve never said that, love.” sirius tells you sweetly, as he moves to bend down with remus.

“we’ve all have actually liked you for a while now.” james admits. “we’ve been meaning to tell you, but you’ve been avoiding us.” remus explains. laughing a little at the situation you guys were in. “oh,” you utter dumbly to yourself. sirius laughs, you feel a little embarrassed but can’t help but smile at yourself.

i’m sorry.” you laugh out, still nervous and embarrassed for avoiding them. you feel slightly silly. “there's no need to apologize,” james rushes out, feeling bad at the thought that you needed to apologize to them. “but you could make it up by going on a date with us.” sirius smiles as he moves in to kiss your cheek.

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g1rld1ary · 3 months

Text

5 people james didn't mean to kiss (and one he did) ; james potter x fem!reader

➻ first james fic!! i love reviving old fanfic trends <33

➻ word count: 4494

➻ synopsis: says it on the tin baby!

➻ warnings: swearing, allusions to sex/dirty jokes, era typical homophobia (basically nonexistent)

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

James Potter was a very affectionate person, everyone knew that. His love language was absolutely physical touch — everyone knew that too. It was also assumed, therefore, that James Potter had an extensive list of kisses. That assumption wasn’t necessarily wrong, but a good chunk of them weren’t exactly what you imagined when thinking of the great James Potter kissing someone. They were often impulsive when he didn’t know how else to express his feelings. His very first kiss, for example, wasn’t exactly the cheesy, romantic soap opera that he often advertised providing for girls.

Sirius Black

The Marauders sat in their dorm room, early on in second year. While first year was packed with ridiculous adventures and the forming of their friendship group, second year brought a new awareness of girls, romance and especially kissing. That was the topic of discussion as the boys all packed into one bed, hypothesising about what it might be like. James and Sirius led the discussion with much bravado and false confidence whilst Peter looked decidedly scared. Remus, to his credit, just looked rather amused at it all.

“But where do you touch her?” James asked, eyes still wide and innocent and twelve years old, “I can’t just stand there with my hands at my sides like a twat!”

“Don’t be stupid, you hold her like this.” Sirius bent his arms in a direction that looked borderline painful. Remus huffed and climbed off the bed, pulling both the boys with him.

“If you’re gonna kiss a girl,” Remus instructed, “You have to hold her gently. Don’t push her around like she’s dead weight. James, put your arms around Sirius’ waist like that, now Sirius, you put your arms around his neck.”

“Pete’s gonna think we’re bent,” Sirius grumbled, a red hue on his cheeks.

“You are bent, you poof,” Peter quipped from his spot on the bed. He was right, of course, but that wouldn’t come to light until fourth year. James thought this was hilarious though, and began miming exaggerated — rather sloppy — kisses. And since James never failed to cure Sirius of his moods, he did the same. Remus rolled his eyes as the two boys acted out a passionate scene, loose tongues and all, until they were no longer acting.

All four boys in the dorm were frozen as James and Sirius’ mouths had accidentally connected in their stupidity, none of them sure what to do. Seconds passed as the two stood, lips locked against each other, no one daring to move. At least, until Remus let out a long, uncharacteristic wheeze, which dissolved into a fit of giggles that he would usually be mortified by, but there was no way he was outdoing the kiss anytime soon. Peter followed along momentarily, laughing so hard barely any sound actually came out, silent heaves punctuated by gasping breaths.

Released from their stupor both boys leapt apart, wiping their mouths with their forearms. Both had comical expressions of disgust, still slightly too stunned to verbalise any of it.

“We,” James heaved, “Can never speak of this again. Ever.” Sirius agreed in a heartbeat, still unable to completely wipe the blush from his pale complexion. He probably would have dwelled on those feelings if James wasn’t James, beginning to see the humour in it soon enough. By the end of the night it was an inside joke that would proceed to be referenced countless times within the walls of Hogwarts.

So although James would tell the story of his first kiss quite differently — he alleged it was with a Ravenclaw named Keeley a few weeks later, his proper first kiss will always have been with one Sirius Black in the Gryffindor dormitories on an otherwise unassuming Tuesday evening. And that secret was held onto dearly by all four marauders until, of course, Sirius’ best man speech at James’ wedding, where the anecdote received uproarious applause, loudest of all by James himself.

2. Remus Lupin

The Marauders had all known about Remus’ ‘furry little problem’ since their second year — first for the most perceptive of the bunch. Nevertheless, the group were insistent in helping Remus in any way they could, though it was a difficult task when his alter ego had no resistance to killing them. Until Sirius had come to them with the idea of becoming animagi. It was difficult no doubt, advanced magic far beyond the teaching at Hogwarts, but the four of them were exceptional wizards each in their own way, and the project seemed somewhat manageable with four brains chipping away at it over the course of two years.

When they finally did get it, hardly any of them could believe it, least of all Remus. He had never imagined that the human side of him was worthy of this much love and devotion, let alone the monster within him. However, despite how they tried to play it off, the achievement didn’t come easily to any of them. Sirius was the first to get it, big black dog accompanying the group around the castle and becoming an unexpected staple of the Gryffindor common room. You in particular liked to cuddle up with him on the couch and spoil him with head scratches when you were stressed from school — at least until the secret was revealed and you hit him upside his human head for deceiving you.

James was second to get it, though much less gracefully than Sirius. The whole group of Gryffindors had been hanging out together down by the Black Lake, enjoying the slowly warming weather after class one day. James had the misfortune of being sat between you and Lily, which made things very confusing for his hormonal body and brain. His eyes were trained on his hands, too afraid to actually talk to either of you and embarrass himself which was what usually happened. You and Lily, however, were hell bent on making that occur. While James had had a well known crush on Lily for the last few years, ever since you’d come back to school that year post-puberty you could both tell that James was both emotionally and physically confused. You both delighted in this and used it to your advantage, Lily finding him the most annoying man on earth and you delighting in his flustered expressions (secretly finding him actually pretty cute).

After thirty minutes of torture, James couldn’t take it. You’d made one too many dirty jokes directed at him and he was a blushing mess, fidgeting awkwardly between you and Lily laughing gleefully. He excused himself quickly and uncharacteristically quietly, hurrying off to be out of sight of his friends. You all laughed as you watched him go, and Remus reluctantly stood, muttering something about making sure James didn’t drive himself crazy.

Remus headed straight to the Forbidden Forest, knowing the privacy would be what James desired in the moment. Sure enough there he was, taking a moment to breathe against a tree.

“Easy there, Potter, don’t cum in your pants,” He joked, obviously amused by the whole ordeal. James turned quickly, devastated at Remus seeing him so sexually frustrated.

“Sod off, Lupin. It’s not my fault! They both just sit there looking so fucking good, talking about all these unholy things and you expect me to just be fine with it? It’s so—” Instead of the exasperated groan Remus expected, he was met with a stag standing tall in front of him. He couldn’t help his mouth dropping open, the animal far more magnificent than he could have expected out of the fourteen year old boy.

In a weird shift of figure the deer was back to boy, and James only had a moment of shocked stillness before he was whooping and yelling in the grass. Remus joined him, the two of them yelling and dancing around like idiots in their joy. James pulled him in for a hug, appropriately masculine until he pressed a kiss onto Remus’ lips, still grinning ecstatically as they pulled away. Remus scowled in a way he hoped was convincing.

“I hate it when you do that, Potter,” He grumbled as the two of them returned to their friends.

“Yeah, right,” James laughed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “It’s a blessing to be kissed by my sexy arse.”

3. Peter Pettigrew

While all four of the Marauders were undoubtedly exceptional wizards, that didn’t always translate into their grades. For example, being so ahead in the curriculum made James Potter get lazy, often submitting subpar essays simply because he figured it was already common knowledge and he was more interested in higher level magic. He always ended up with top grades from outstanding extra credit projects, but the point still stood.

Peter was similarly a great wizard. Perhaps not so much a prodigy like James or Sirius, and didn’t dominate the class ranks like Remus, but he did well for himself and was pretty exceptional in Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. However, he was failing History of Magic. All four of them had chosen the subject for their OWLs, assuming it would be an easy O because of the ghost professor. They couldn’t be more wrong. Binns was a useless teacher and Peter especially found it difficult to teach himself the material just from the textbook, and was falling dreadfully behind, each essay earning a worse grade than the last.

James had offered to help tutor him before their exams, and the two buckled down in the library almost every day in the weeks leading up to exam season. Peter made pretty good progress, eager to catch up with his friends and prove he was on their level. Still, everyone was nervous for the test and its outcome.

When results were released, you and the Gryffindors were all together. Whilst you and the girls all got the reveal over and done with, the boys all waited with bated breaths. Most of the grades weren’t shocking — three of them knew they could easily get top grades from the little effort they put in, but they were all waiting on Peter’s History of Magic grade. The blond boy opened his paper with shaky hands, eyes scanning frantically over the information contained. Slowly he raised his head, nervous smile apparent.

“I got an A,” He said, and within an instant the boys were on top of him, congratulating him with strong hugs or by clapping him on the back. James grabbed both of his cheeks, pressing them together and pushing a kiss onto Peter’s lips.

“Prongs!” Peter moaned, pushing his face away half-heartedly.

“I’m just proud of you, Wormtail,” He cooed, appearing much like his mother whom you all adored.

“Oi, Potter,” You interrupted, waving your sheet of results around. “I got an O in Potions — where’s my kiss?” James immediately broke your eye contact, and you pretended you weren’t charmed by his embarrassed little smile. He mumbled a response that had his friends ripping him to shreds, egging him on whilst simultaneously teasing him and his alleged manhood. He pressed a gentle peck to your forehead and you raised an eyebrow.

“Not what I meant, but ok.”

4. Regulus Black

Regulus Black had a difficult relationship with the Marauders, to say the very least. By his fifth year — the rest of the boys’ sixth — Sirius had been at the Potter’s for months and Regulus was still reeling from the impact. He was noticeably quieter and more sombre than in years previous, and a dangerous resentment for his brother and his friends bubbled under his skin.

James Potter connected these dots quickly. However, he didn’t really know what to do about it. He wasn’t sorry that Sirius was living with him, but he didn’t like that Regulus was left all alone with their wicked parents, regardless of their personal differences. That brought James to you.

You sat together on the couch, his head resting next to your thighs, curls just brushing against your skin in a way that you couldn’t stop thinking about. He was lamenting about his mental struggles as you worked on your crochet, thinking quietly as he rambled on.

“Why don’t you just talk to him?” You asked suddenly, and James tilted his head to look up at you, holding back his laughter at your upside down appearance.

“What?” He asked, “I can’t talk to him, he hates me!”

“When has that ever stopped you before? Lily hates you and yet you bother her all the time,” You said, smile playing on your lips.

“That’s not true!” James protested, “I don’t bother her that much anymore!” You rolled your eyes playfully and turned back to your craft as James continued to ponder the situation.

As usual, he decided you were right. And so he sent a short letter to Regulus, asking for a meeting on the Astronomy tower at midnight. Surprisingly he’d agreed, and the two boys were standing awkwardly across each other on the tower. Regulus refused to start the conversation and so stood in silence, staring down James in an effort to scare him off. James wouldn’t be deterred.

“I just wanted to talk about what happened last year,” He said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose nervously.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“C’mon. I know we’re not friends, but I also figured none of your friends are the talking type either. So, I thought you could talk to me — full confidentiality. I don’t know, blame me, yell at me, I just don’t want you to do this all by yourself.”

“How sweet, Potter,” He sneered, “But I don’t need to talk about any of my feelings.”

James Potter was nothing if not persistent.

“Ok, well if you don’t want to talk, how about you listen?” To his surprise, Regulus stayed. One perfect eyebrow raised, he slowly sat next to James, legs dangling over the edge of the tower. After a gesture for him to go on, James started. He began to talk about the process of having Sirius live with him, the feelings they both had about it, and the guilt they both felt about leaving Regulus alone. At that Regulus looked up, eyes pooling with hope.

Then without any warning, Regulus was talking more than James had ever heard before, spilling what he supposed must have been the younger boy’s darkest secrets and vulnerabilities. James was unprepared, not actually expecting him to engage. At one point James had put a comforting arm around Regulus’ shoulder, words failing to express any of the feelings he had inside. Regulus didn’t pull away as James expected, instead only starting to cry. James just watched in disbelief as Regulus cried into his chest. Awkwardly, James arranged himself to press a gentle kiss to Regulus’ forehead right as Regulus moved to look up and speak, resulting in a ridiculous kiss between the two of them.

They jumped apart in less than a second, both with horrified looks on their faces.

“Oh my God—”

“That was an accident I swear—”

“I’m really sorry—”

“I was just trying to comfort you—”

Both boys stumbled over their words as they clambered up to their feet, putting a strictly heterosexual amount of space between them.

“Um, I’m just gonna go,” Regulus settled on, backing up towards the door.

“I’m seriously sorry, Black. It’s just something I do — doesn’t usually backfire like that.” Regulus just nodded, leaving quickly.

“Potter?” He stopped halfway through the door and James looked up. “Thanks.” James didn’t get any time to reply as Regulus was long gone, leaving him to cringe on his own. Neither of them would be telling anybody about the incident. Ever.

5. Lily Evans

You and James had been doing your will-they-won’t-they thing for a long time. Not quite since you met, but once you’d both started to notice the opposite sex you’d been participating in a battle of who could resist the longest. Teasing and cajoling were staples of your relationship. Whilst it had started as a way to pass the time; James had been in love with Lily since second year and you just liked to tease, at some point the feelings crossed over into a real and dangerous territory. However, neither of you wanted to do anything in case the feelings weren’t reciprocated, and truthfully hadn’t realised the true depth of them.

You and James were the only ones not to see the obvious: the feelings were absolutely reciprocated. It was tearing your friends apart, trying to get one of you to finally confess before you finished school forever. There were bets in place, pep talks and everything else the Gryffindors could think of to finally cause the event they’d been hoping for. Eventually, Lily had had enough.

One day you were all hanging out in your dormitory, most of you doing your homework and Marlene fiddling with a record player, trying to get it to come back to life.

“So, what would you guys think if I gave James a chance?” Lily asked, too coy to be genuine, but you were caught off-guard enough that you didn’t notice. “I mean, I know I’ve said some terrible things over the years, but now that he’s backed off he’s actually a really nice guy.”

“But… James?” You asked incredulously, essay immediately forgotten.

“Yeah, why not? He’s the hottest guy in our year, and if all goes to shit it’s only a few months until we graduate and I’ll never have to see him again.”

“But it’s James!” The rest of the girls had caught on to what Lily was scheming and delighted in joining in.

“Why shouldn’t she? It’s not like you like him, right?” Mary asked, studying your expressions. You hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. And just when they thought Lily had finally succeeded in getting the ball rolling you answered: “No, of course not. You go ahead, Lils.”

What started as a ploy to get you to admit your feelings only snowballed from there when Lily realised she couldn’t just back out now. And so she hatched a plan. Everything was going perfectly; Sirius and Remus had made sure the common room was devoid of younger students so no unhelpful rumours could be spread, and Marlene had been hanging out with you all evening to make sure you stuck to the schedule she’d devised.

With perfect precision, you and Marlene entered through the portrait just as Lily came down from the dorms.

“Hey, Potter,” She called, and James looked up curiously from his game of wizard’s chess. The redhead marched over to him, cupping both of his cheeks and kissing him strongly. Your jaw dropped open. You couldn’t believe Lily was just going for it like that, but even more you couldn’t believe the sick feeling creeping up from your stomach. You looked at Marlene, who only looked marginally less shocked. A glance around the room proved similar. Although they all knew Lily’s plan, it was two entirely different things to hear about her scheme to get the two of you together and seeing Lily Evans kissing James Potter.

“I’ve, uh, gotta go,” You mumbled, somehow finding your footing to run from the room, desperate to get anywhere where you didn’t have to see that, and the subsequent (or so you believed) union of a happy couple.

Lily pulled away from the kiss, eyes immediately trying to find you and she was puzzled when she couldn’t. A look at Marlene told her all she needed to know and her heart sank; she’d failed. James was looking a little more dazed than the head girl, and suddenly looked terribly awkward in his seat.

“Look, Lils. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t feel that way about you anymore. There’s— there’s someone else, and I, I have to go.” With that James headed up to his dormitory, and the rest of your friends stood in a thick silence for several moments.

“I think I just made everything worse,” Lily said, and then the chaos started.

“What the fuck did you think was going to happen?” Sirius asked loudly, running a stressed hand through his hair.

“I don’t know! I just figured maybe they’d have an epiphany and both realise they’d rather be kissing each other!” Lily cried, throwing herself into an armchair.

You

Lily was right, she’d unintentionally made everything worse. You were upset at what you’d seen and the story you’d attributed to it, and even more so at your terribly timed realisation of your feelings. Because of this you’d started avoiding James in an effort to get over him, which only made you more miserable that you couldn’t talk to your favourite person. James, in turn, hadn’t seen you enter the common room on the night of the kiss and so believed —and dearly hoped — that you were blissfully ignorant, and so was equally perplexed and distraught at the space between you. He’d tried to approach you about it but you evaded him or turned him away every time.

“Hey, love, can we please—”

“It’s fine, James,” You interrupted him, “It was all just a bit of fun, right? All the flirting, the being touchy. But now you’re with Lily and I’ll back off, I get it, don’t worry. I wish you two every happiness.” You tried to sound as genuine as you could while sadness bit at your heart, and left James standing astounded in the corridor. Now he knew that you’d seen the kiss the issue was obvious, but the solution remained a mystery to him.

You’d taken to Marlene to get your feelings out, and she listened patiently as you rattled off a monologue about your childish jealousy and broken heart. Luckily, she’d discussed how to handle this with Lily — who knew you wouldn’t go to her because of her alleged involvement with James, and set off (hopefully) your friend’s last attempt to get you two together. She finally shook you out of it, frustrated with the lack of action.

“They’re not together,” She said, stopping you in your tracks.

“What?”

“They’re not together,” She repeated, making intense eye contact with you. “It was all this dumb plan Lily had to get the two of you together. She thought if you saw James getting with someone else you’d finally realise your feelings for him. And you did, but you were supposed to stick around to hear Potter reject her and say that he liked someone else, you.” You were shocked into silence, what could you say to that?

“So,” You started carefully, “What do I do now?”

James was in a similar situation with the boys.

“She saw Lily kiss me and now she thinks I like Lily when I like her! Plus, she won’t even be in my presence long enough for me to explain that it’s all just this huge misunderstanding and it’s her I want to be snogging!” James lay dramatically across his bed as the boys sighed.

“Prongs, isn’t it obvious?” Sirius asked and James cocked his head to the side, looking remarkably like a confused puppy. “Do something she can’t ignore. Make a grand gesture to prove your feelings for her.” James thought about it, it made sense. If you wouldn’t hear his explanation, he’d just have to make you.

“How?”

You and James went into the following Saturday with the same goal. It was Gryffindor’s quidditch semi-final, so there was a party being held whatever the outcome. It would be the first time you’d see each other since you’d realised your mistake since training was taking up all of James’ time.

Gryffindor had won, thankfully, which had both of you in higher spirits. The party was already in full swing by the time you got there, opting for a smoke first to calm your nerves. You’d spotted James almost as soon as you entered, always the heart and soul of a party. You marched towards him with a purpose, but as soon as he set eyes on you he jumped up to stand on a table. Someone had lowered the volume of the music — not silent, but low enough so you could hear him yelling over it. He said your full name, clearly and intentionally in a way that had surrounding people look at you curiously.

“I love you,” He said suddenly. “I am in love with you, not anyone else, and whatever made you think that’s not true was just a huge misunderstanding. Because I love you so much, and all I want to do is snog you until I’m the only name you remember, baby.” You let out a short laugh at his vulgarity and the cocky smirk that accompanied it, but a cheek-splitting smile won out when you thought about the preceding words and the sincerity he’d instilled in them. Before you even knew what you were doing you were racing towards him, gratefully taking Peter’s hand to join James on the table.

You honestly couldn’t tell who had initiated the kiss, but you were suddenly so intimately joined together it was like all the air had been sucked out of your lungs, compressing your body in an effort to fuse to his. His strong arms around you couldn’t shield you from the confetti being thrown around (for the match, of course, not just your kiss), nor the catcalls of your friends. You only pulled away when you felt James’ tongue start exploring a little too far, mindful that half the people you knew were watching. You wore matching grins as you parted, foreheads still pressed together and breathing heavy.

While it might have taken four years, innumerable (accidental) kisses and one failed set-up plan to get there, you were sure in your heart that James Potter was the only boy you ever wanted to kiss. And so you did, over and over for the years to come, and you cheered and applauded enthusiastically as the seemingly never ending list of friends and family told stories of receiving a coveted James Potter kiss throughout the years, knowing you were the only one who got to be his bride.

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trixisbored · 2 months

Text

Enchanted wings.

james potter x reader (oneshot)

James didn’t know what hit him.

Well, he did actually. It was the bludger that he did not see coming because he was too busy staring at Y/N.

James felt himself slipping off his broom from the sheer force of the bludger, causing everyone watching to gasp in despair, except the Slytherins which they were playing against, they were probably reveling in the way that he was desperately trying to get back on his broom, slipping inch by inch. He looked at the ground in panic. A fall from this height would earn him some broken bones and maybe a whole season without quidditch.

Y/N was watching from the stands of Griffyndor, she had always been a fan of Quidditch since she used to watch it with her family all the time. But since 5th year her interest has been even more piqued because of a certain chaser.

James Potter, the mischievous but golden boy of Gryffindor, always hanging out with his little group, the Marauders. She had started noticing him in 5th grade, she was trying to get her book back from an annoying slytherin boy, until James Potter walked by.

“Hey, leave her alone.” He said, closing in on the boy's face and taking the book from his grasp. James towered over the smaller boy as he ran away. He turned around

“Here!” He had such a cute smile…

Y/N felt a blush rise to her cheeks, she grabbed the book and starting to walk back to class when James grabbed her wrist

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t catch your name? I’m James. James Potter.” Y/N paused surprised,

“Oh, uh. I’m Y/N L/N. And thank you, I didn’t mean to be rude but I’m really late for class.”

“Oh? What have you got right now?” And oh, that smirk.

“Transfiguration, have you got that as well? I noticed you were walking that way?”

“Yeah, I was headed there, but now that you’re here might as well give me some company, don’t you think?” He chuckled, and Y/N nodded as they began walking to class.

And that was that, they formed a kind friendship where Y/N she wanted something more, but she valued her friendship too much to have the possibility to ruin it.

“JAMES!” Y/N shouted from the stands, time seemed to slow down for her as she watched him fall, though on the last second she was brought back to her senses as she cast a levitating spell at his robes hoping that it would break his fall. It worked for a bit but then she heard a sickening crush as James collided with the ground.

“Oh my god…” She ran to the field and saw a crowd of team members surrounding him, she burst through it and saw him with his eyes closed groaning in pain. Y/N kneeled by him and took his face in her hands “James?”

“...Darling?” One of his eyes fluttered open and those gorgeous brown eyes stared back at her

“Yes, it’s me… We’re going to take you to Madam Pomfrey, ok?” She said looking at someone behind her silently asking someone to call the nurse.

“Yeah, I think I need her… ow.” He says trying to sit up

“Lay back down!” She said gently placing him back

The first thing James saw when he woke up was the distinct ceiling of the hospital wing, he felt like he was trampled by a Hippogriff, his left arm was constricted in a cast and he felt some bandages in his legs, but what was weird was the pressure in his right hand, though as he turned to look, what he saw was Y/N napping on his arm.

That did not look comfortable. At all…

“Hey sweetheart.” He whispered gently “Had a good nap?” He grinned

“James! You’re awake!” She says, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes “What happened out there?! I’ve never seen you so distracted in the field before…” She questioned. His eyes softened

“Y/N,” James began, his voice soft yet filled with sincerity, “I need to tell you something. Something I should've said a long time ago.”

He gently lifted her hand from where it rested on his chest, his eyes never leaving hers. “I was distracted out there because of you, I love you, Y/N. You're more than just a friend to me. You're everything.”

He paused, waiting for her reaction, hoping that she felt the same way. “I know I've been a fool for not saying it sooner. Please, tell me you feel it too.”

Y/N's heart swelled with emotion at James's confession. She felt a rush of joy and relief flood through her veins “James,” she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. “I... I love you too. More than you could ever know.” She reached out to cup his cheek tenderly, her fingers tracing the lines of his face as if she couldn't quite believe he was real. “Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t even have to ask.” He smiled as they shared their first kiss.

#james potter #marauders #james potter x reader #james potter fluff #james potter fic #james potter imagine #james potter x you

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zoeykallus · 1 month

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Hello there!

Would you mind giving us something angsty? Like, Reader confesses her love to the batchers (and maybe Rex and Mayday?). They do feel the same, but they react in the wrong way somehow, so that reader gets hurt, but in the end there is something like a happy end? Like separate little short fics or one-shots.

I know that's probably a lot of work, so please don't feel pressured to do this.

Aloha! Yeah, I think I can do that 😊

The Bad Batch/ Mayday/Rex x Reader Prompts – Confessions

Part 1/7 - Tech

Warnnings: Love Confessions/Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

Masterlist Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

AC: I tried to tackle this one with the thought in mind that Tech is/might be in some autistic spectrum. Now please don't throw any stones at me, I have no real life experience on that subject, so I kinda wrote this one the way I feel Tech after almost three season.

You've had feelings for him for a while now. Your heart beats faster, you feel warm when he approaches you and your eyes meet. You could listen to him day and night, no matter what he talks about. You think a part of him knows this, must know it, because when he discovers something new and wants to tell someone about it, he usually comes to you automatically. Because you listen to him attentively, every time. Your feelings go beyond friendship, you long to be close to him, you miss him every second he's not around. But you know Tech is somehow different. Sometimes he's very forthcoming, seems to enjoy being around you, but other times, he's more distant, almost as if he's trying to keep you at arm's length, as if he can't handle your presence right now. You have no idea how exactly to assess this behavior, it often feels like a roller coaster ride. It's not always easy to deal with and adjust to. But you want to do the right thing, so you don't push him when you realize he's pulling away, even if it hurts.

But one day, you summon up all your courage. Tech and you are working on damage to the outer hull of the Marauder. Until just now, he was telling you about his idea to improve the alloy for the metal of the outer hull and how he plans to make certain modifications to the ship in the future. Now, however, there is a brief pause, and you continue to work in silence. Your gaze wanders thoughtfully from his helmet, which is resting on a toolbox behind him, back to him Your heart is pounding in your throat, your hands are even shaking a little as you decide to finally tell him, to tell him how you feel about him. "Tech?" His name comes over your lips, almost like a whisper. He heard you, though. Normally he would answer you and listen without looking up from his work, but something about the way you say his name catches his attention this time. He pauses, turns his head in your direction and looks at you, his eyes widening a little. "What's wrong?"

His gaze, those beautiful eyes, like dark brown amber. Your knees go weak. You try to hold his gaze, but every now and then, you blink and look to the side before looking at him again as you speak. "There's something I need to tell you" His brows move up questioningly. "Is it something important?" You hesitate for a second before saying, "I guess it's a matter of opinion. It's very important to me" Surprised, you watch as Tech puts down his tools and turns to you. "Then let me hear it," he says promptly. Now you have his undivided attention. Your stomach is tingling, your heart is doing wild tricks in your chest. Your mouth goes dry, and you hastily reach for the water bottle to take a few sips. As you put the bottle down, your hand trembles so much that you can barely put the bottle down properly. Tech doesn't miss this, of course, his brows draw together in concern, but he waits silently for you to tell him. "I have feelings for you," you suddenly say so quickly, with a look on your face as if you were ripping off a band-aid. Then you smile nervously, inwardly cursing at yourself.

He stands there, motionless, and looks at you. Occasionally he blinks. You don't know what you were expecting, but some kind of reaction would have been nice. You nervously hold your breath.

"Romantic?" he finally asks after what feels like an eternity.

You finally dare to breathe again. He sounds thoughtful, confused, maybe even overwhelmed, but you can't quite put your finger on it right now, your own thoughts and your heartbeat are so incredibly loud.

"Yes, Tech. You know, accelerated pulse when you're near me, tingly feeling in my stomach, the need to be close to you, to want to please you. Bittersweet nervousness..."

For a moment, he looks at you as if you have a rare disease that might be contagious, and your stomach tightens at the sight. You regret saying a single word. "I'm not sure how to deal with this," he says thoughtfully, averting his eyes, "I can't... process" You can't help but stare at him helplessly. You feel the blood drain from your face, and your whole body suddenly seems to become much heavier. You swallow and say in a helpless attempt to pretend everything is okay, "It's okay, Tech, we don't have to talk about it" You turn back to your work, avert your gaze, and you miss Tech's confused, questioning look as he asks, "Don't we have to? You said it's important to you" "No," you say and put the tool to work, "We don't have to, everything can just stay the way it was before" He looks at you silently for a while longer, lost in his thoughts, before resuming his work. _______ Over the next few days, you hardly speak a word, in fact you avoid him. You feel like an idiot, hurt and exposed. The thought that Tech knows about your feelings makes you feel like you're walking around naked and every one of his questioning, scrutinizing glances weighs heavily on you.

One evening, as you sit alone in the cockpit, you hear someone walk toward you, and by now you can already tell that Tech is approaching by the sound of his footsteps. You shrink into the co-pilot's seat and focus obsessively on the datapad in your hands. As he says your name, your shoulders shrink down, you try to make yourself even smaller, you don't look up as you answer, "Yes?" His voice sounds soft, but still in his very own matter-of-fact way, as he says, "A few days ago, when you told me about your feelings, you said we didn't have to talk about it and everything could be the same. But it's not. You're avoiding me, avoiding eye contact. I realized that my first reaction made you feel insecure, probably even gave you the wrong impression. I've come to the conclusion that nothing is the same as before and that there is a real need to talk about it" You sigh softly and ask, "Is there something on your mind?" Instead of answering, Tech leans down towards you. Surprised and a little startled, your eyes do wander in his direction. He kisses your cheek gently and chastely, then sits down in the pilot's seat.

Your fingers automatically move to the spot where his lips touched your cheek, leaving a soft, tingling sensation. You feel warm, but at the same time you are confused and can't help but stare at him questioningly. "After some time to process what I've heard, said and felt, I've realized that these feelings are apparently mutual. I hope that's not a problem" You blink several times and straighten up a little in your seat. A soft smile at the corners of your mouth. "That's not a problem, Tech, not at all" He nods, smiling. "Good, so we can explore this new territory together, right?" You resist the urge to fall around his neck, you know that Tech processes things differently, especially in the interpersonal sphere, that he takes longer and values physical contact very differently. You nod, your smile a little wider. "I'd love to, Tech," you say softly. Your heart almost leaps out of your chest with joy as he reaches for your hand, tentatively at first, but eventually with gentle determination. With a cautious smile, he says, "I hope you'll be patient with me" You laugh softly, gently, and beam at him as you reply, "I have all the time in the world for you, Tech"

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luveline · 2 years

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mouth of september, part 5 | sirius black x reader

"Sod off," Sirius says. "No one said anything about school. It was about the principle of things."

"The principle," you repeat, more because you like the way he said it than any want to make fun of him.

He catches your eye. "Behave," he mouths.

summary times are hard, but there’s always reasons to stay [5k]

warnings reader has suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation, reader has a poor appetite/ disordered eating, marauder friendship heavy, fem reader, she/her pronouns used for reader, angst, hurt/comfort, please be careful to read the bold warnings

read part one | two | three | four here

“You’re gonna be late for work,” Sirius says, standing in the doorway of your room.

You’re hiding in bed, sheets thrown half off your clammy skin. The fan on your nightstand putters uselessly over your too-warm face as you look at him, unaffected.

“Why are you here?” you ask, disorientated.

“Cos you’re not getting ready for work,” he says.

You both work in the back of Flourish and Blotts, a job in high demand. Missing even one day will get you sacked, and you know this.

"Are you sick?” he asks upon your silence.

You shake your head and look away from him, shame creeping up your spine. He leaves without saying anything and it makes you feel worse, cringing into a ball. You spend long, hot minutes like that, face covered by your hands and an acute upset beginning to form. You can feel it in your fingers.

When he comes back he’s not in his uniform anymore.

“We’re sacked.”

“Sirius,” you groan under your breath, closing your eyes. It’s supposed to imply how he’s an idiot for losing his job when he didn’t have to. It sounds needy.

“Your fault." He's joking but it's true.

He climbs into bed beside you, raising his hand to your yucky forehead. Your skin is disgusting, oily and dry and everything that can be wrong with it at once. You cringe away from his touch and he doesn’t mind, making a terrible lovely soothing sound as he strokes your forehead.

“Did you eat?” he asks.

“Not hungry.”

His fingers move from your forehead to flatten the small hairs of your eyebrow. “All stuck up,” he says. “You must’ve slept well.”

You hum. It’s a terrible response but it’s what you can manage.

"Gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"No."

"That never ends well for you."

"I can't really win," you say, voice small. You clear your throat. "I tell you and feel stupid. I don't tell you and it…"

"Eats you?"

You want to be buried alive.

Sirius strokes the skin above your eyebrow over and over and over. You close your eyes because there's nothing else to do, your whole body aching. You're content to never speak again but the guilt weighs heavy, and you rally at yourself.

"You didn't have to stay home with me."

"I care about you." His words are said with a stilted and yet genuine warmth.

"No, I mean. I wouldn't have done anything." Your own are similarly awkward and much less warm.

"I know," he says softly.

"Do you?"

“Yeah, hufflepuff, I do.”

You frown.

"How's your hug quota this week?"

The hug quota is one of those things you hate to love and love to hate. Insisted upon by James who'd been informed by Lily. Something about brain chemicals. And whatever it is, they really work. A hug a day for a few days in a row genuinely has the power to keep you up and running.

But you don't like needing them, and it's easy to run circles around the boys and convince them that you've already had your allotted hug from someone else.

You cringe. "Fuck off."

“Guys?” James’ voice echoes loudly from the front door.

You glare at Sirius. “You called him.”

“No, I didn’t.” He’s frowning too, holding his hands up in surrender.

James hits the door open against the wall. You’re so listless you don’t even jump.

Sirius is a different story. “Fucking hell, what is your problem?” he asks furiously.

“Why are you guys here?” James asks, more perplexed than annoyed. Remus would likely be a different story.

“Why are you here?”

There’s too much talking. You gaze up at James pleadingly, hoping he’s gonna take pity on you and stop talking. He does the opposite, eyes softening, a frown on his face. He’s in weird clothes that don't fit him right.

“I… I was gonna paint her room.”

“What?” you ask, your throat hurting.

“It’s been white since you moved in. I brought paint. Was gonna do it while you were… in work. Why aren’t you in work?” He frowns between you both.

“She’s not feeling very well," Sirius says lightly.

“You’re sick?”

You close your eyes. “No.”

“Oh. Uh.”

“James, you don’t have to paint my room. We rent, are you even allowed to paint my room?”

“Sure you are. And we’re magic. We can just make them white again.”

James crawls over Sirius' legs to sit at your feet. He grabs your ankles and pulls, giggling to himself when you squirm away from him. He takes no notice and drops your calves over his thighs.

“Since we’re all here, we should do it the muggle way," James declares.

“Why,” Sirius begins dryly, “would we ever bother with that?”

James pats your legs. “She’s sad. Exercise is good for you.”

“I’m not sad.”

They ignore you.

“It’s, like, teamwork. And friendly fun. And bonding. And I don’t like seeing you all curled up on yourself like this.”

“I don’t know, James, when has forcing her to do things ever worked?”

“Well, remember when we went to Cribbs Causeway and we made her climb-“

“Okay, guys, can we stop? Please? I just want to-”

You turn your face abruptly into the sheets and exhale raggedly.

There’s a small silence.

“Hey,” Sirius says lightly, his hand over your shoulder, heat seeping down into your skin. “You’re okay. Everything’s fine.”

James snickers and then screeches. “Don’t kick me, dickhead.”

“You’re the dickhead, dickhead.”

“It’s weird hearing you be nice.”

“I’m always nice.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I might not be the most tactile guy on earth, but I know how to comfort someone, dick. Stop projecting on me.”

“Projecting? I comfort people well.”

“You don’t.”

“I do!”

“And that’s why Lily didn’t talk to you for half the week this week? Because you're so good at it?"

“You bitch.”

You laugh, you can’t help it. You’re so determined to be miserable that you don’t want to, trying to hold in the shaking of your shoulders. It’s all for nowt – Sirius has his hand on your back and he can feel it from the first tremble.

“Why’re you laughing, hm?” he asks, relief palpable. “You agree? You think I’m a bitch?”

“No,” you say into your sheets.

“She does and you are.”

“I know she does,” Sirius says. “Hufflepuff thinks I’m a total bitch.”

“I don’t,” you protest, turning onto your back.

Sirius hovers above you, his dark hair falling into your face. You blow it away carefully, eyes locked with his.

"What colour paint is it?" he asks James without looking away from you.

James laughs, the kind of heavy chuckling that strikes the fear of God in you instantly.

It's not the worst colour in the world. Sirius, speckled in paint from head to toe, actually looks really pretty. "Orange suits you," James says, similarly spotted.

"It's not orange. It's yellow. Yellow-orange."

"Very hufflepuff," you murmur, with less paint covering your clothes and skin but still enough to need a shower.

Honestly, you'd needed one before all the painting. Neither James nor Sirius had made you feel bad for your dishevelled appearance, but now that you're feeling less fuzzy you're worried you smell bad.

You stand further away from the boys with a heavy paint roller in hand, your wrists aching. Between the three of you, you'd managed a quick but shoddy job.

Sirius had fobbed off any actual effort at first, claiming to be the managerial influence. He'd provided breakfast (cold in the middle, but made with a lot of effort, and, in your opinion, heart) and drinks, before he'd stolen the record player back from Remus' room to soundtrack your hard work.

James is enthusiastic and high energy, so he'd done the bulk coverage. You'd tried to neaten up the edges but are ultimately waiting for Remus' return. He'll have the best advice.

"You'll have to gloss the skirting boards again, is all," James says confidently.

"I'm not touching anything else until Remus comes home," you say.

"He's gonna be mad about Florish and Blotts," Sirius pipes in, sitting on the sheet draped precariously over your bed.

"He's gonna be mad at you," James corrects.

"He loves me."

"He loves Y/N more "

"That's not true," you say, frowning.

It's one of those silly things that you think about more deeply than you should. You're not gonna try and convince yourself that Remus – that any of them – would like you as much as they like each other.

It's nice to think that they do, though.

Not that they ever leave you out. You'd go as far as to say there's some pitious favoritism happening at all times. Even now.

James throws his arm over your shoulder and rags you about. "Alright, Hufflepuff. You smell like a quidditch cloakroom. Go shower, please."

In the shower, everything is clearer. How much you like your friends, how much you really want to be by yourself, somewhere else. And it's surprising, always surprising, that you can be loved and still feel like this. Guilt is a heavy weight. It settles.

Why can't I just be happy?

You're not even sure why you'd felt so awful this morning. It's a thousand things and it's nothing at all. You just don't want to be here. You don't want to be anything.

You can hear Remus getting home and realise you've been in the shower for too long. You almost slip getting out, light-headed and emotional, and have to sit on the side of the tub to gather your bearings.

A knock on the door cuts the fog. Remus' warm voice, "I'm home. Are you okay?" he asks. He doesn't have to shout.

"Yep," you reply. You don't mean to sound so clipped.

"Coming out?"

You stare at the wall. "Yep," you say under your breath.

"Have you eaten?"

"Remus, can you just-" you start, voice cracking. You clear your throat. You feel awful, but you'd been about to ask, Can you just leave me alone?

To your horror, he leaves. You scramble to pull open the door and apologise but he's not there. Sirius is, and he looks surprised at your expression.

"Hey, it's okay. He went to start dinner," he says gently.

"Oh. Okay," you say. You stare at the wall by his hip, aware of your nudity and his handsomeness and, most of all, his worried gaze.

"Uh-huh. Asked me to ask you if you want something in particular."

"I want ham 'nd egg and chips," James pipes up, emerging from your room with a grin. "We cleaned up the edges."

You look to Sirius for confirmation. He shakes his head at you.

"Okay," you say, water dripping around your feet.

Both boys move to let you pass. You dry off and dress in an unhappy haze, head pounding. Now that the painting is done the feeling that had plagued you all day rears up again, bright and shiny and twice as insistent as before.

It wouldn't take a lot. It wouldn't take a lot.

Five seconds of pressure.

"Y/N," Sirius says.

You turn. The door's still closed most of the way. You can see a fraction of his naked arm through the slit.

"Come on. Dinner."

You grab a pair of socks and open the door. Sirius watches you hop into them without saying anything, offering his arm when your balance wavers. His skin is cool under your palm.

You plod into the kitchen arm to arm with Sirius and find James already eating your madeira cake with a spoon. You can't be bothered to tell him off – in fact, you wouldn't tell him off even if you did have the energy. He looks like he's enjoying it, and he's one of your best friends. Whatever, he can eat it all if he wants to.

Sirius does not agree. "Who said you could have that?"

Remus turns where he's frying eggs on the cooker. "What? He told me you said he could."

Sirius steals the spoon, wacks James' hand where it had been holding the cake, and says, "It's Y/N's."

"It's okay," you say, shrugging. "He can eat it."

"It's not okay. It was expensive, and you like it."

"I like James."

James grins and pulls out a chair for you to sit in. "Thank you! I knew you wouldn't mind," he says sweetly, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you sink down beside him. "It's called sharing, guys. If you're both so offended, I will get her another." His tone takes on a grand effect.

You melt under James' friendly touch. He's a good friend. He can eat all the food in the flat if he wants to. Or all the food that's yours, at the very least.

Remus huffs and turns back to the eggs. "Idiot," he says.

"You'll ruin your dinner," you say quietly.

James smiles and gives your shoulder a good squeeze before letting you go. "Remus always gives me the dwttiest portions anyway."

"I'm an equaliser," Remus says simply.

"Yeah, and what does that mean?" James asks.

It means that James has started to fill out. He's all muscled from quidditch. You still can't believe he plays professionally, and you're not the only one. You don't think James had really realised how different it would be from school sports. These days he's always training, bulking, or something between. That's why it had been so surprising to see him this morning.

"It means you're fat," Sirius says.

A chorus of boo's.

"He's not fat," you say. It's true, he isn't. He's certainly gained weight, but his height leaves room for it.

"He's muscled," Remus says, rolling the word around.

"He's chubby now. He's my chubby guy," Sirius says, doting.

"And still stone cold sexy," James says agreeably.

"That won't ever change." Remus puts down four plates, each with one slim cut of gammon and chips, and then returns for the frying pan.

Your chips are noticeably more voluminous. You start to transfer them to James' plate while Remus' back is turned.

"I don't want an egg," you say when he returns.

He puts one on your plate anyways. You frown at the grease and the thick smell of it. James gets two, Sirius gets two, and Remus gives himself one.

There's a bustling of chairs being pulled in, the metallic clink of cutlery, salt and vinegar being exchanged, and then the first few bites in silence.

"Thank you, Remus," you say.

He beams at you. "You're welcome. I cleaned up all the edges in your room, alright? It looks good in there. You guys did a great job without me, surprisingly."

Remus likely wouldn't have managed much manual labour anyhow, but his expertise is invaluable.

"How did you?" you ask.

"He cheated," James says, gesturing with a chip speared at the end of his fork. "Used a spell. Sick."

"Totally cheated. After all, we spent all that time at school to learn things we should never use again," Remus says dryly.

"Sod off," Sirius says. "No one said anything about school. It was about the principle of things."

"The principle," you repeat, more because you like the way he said it than any want to make fun of him.

He catches your eye. "Behave," he mouths.

You smile shyly and feel something prickling in your chest. You loathe to admit what it is, stabbing a chip so hard the plate creaks.

"It looks amazing now," James says behind his hand, mid-chew.

"It's pretty," you say.

You cringe at the texture of the chip you'd been eating. When you get like this eating is never fun.

You put your fork down and stand up. All three boys glare at you and you ignore them as you've learned to do, heading straight for the cupboard. "Does anyo-"

"Please," says James, at the same time as Remus says, "If you don't mind."

Sirius stands and slides himself between the counter and the back of Remus' chair to help. It doesn't take much more than that for the conversation to split in two. Remus and James start talking about the latter's next quidditch game.

Sirius grabs three glasses from the cupboard and bumps your hip. "Do you want to go sit back down?" he asks quietly.

"No."

"Not hungry?"

You don't answer because the answer is disappointing. No, you're not hungry. If it weren't for their company you'd be curled in a ball in bed with a pillow pulled over your head.

"Do you want a hug?" he asks, even quieter.

You've enough wits about you to laugh. Sirius offering you two hugs in one day?

"What did I dress as last Halloween?" you ask him, turning on the tap.

He kicks open the freezer and tears into the new bag of ice cubes. You watch him add ice to your cups one by one. "You were an angel." He closes the freezer. "We matched. I was the devil. Why?"

"Thought maybe you were someone masquerading as you."

"You were testing me?"

"You passed."

"Sit down," he says, rolling his eyes.

You take a glass for you and James and set them down. Sirius does the same for himself and Remus, though he complains about Sirius spilling water all over his sleeve, to which Sirius smiles flirtatiously and reaches into his cup for an ice cube.

They enter into a childish kerfuffle of Sirius trying to drop and ice cube down Remus' back. James pretends to be above it, though you know had he been in either of their seats he would be doing the same.

"Idiots," he says cheerily.

"You're the same brand."

He grins at you. "Did Sirius and I argue today? Even once? After I called him a bitch, that is."

"No," you admit, to your own surprise.

"Exactly. Remus is the problem."

You slide your fork under your egg and drop it onto James's plate. He eats it in two impressive mouthfuls before Remus is any the wiser.

"I don't think that's true," you say, cutting your chips into pieces and trying to make yourself eat them. You ultimately can't face it.

"Not hungry?" James asks.

He's giving you his most brotherly look. Slightly scolding, slightly concerned. His dark curls bounce as he leans toward you.

"Eat a bit more and after we'll share what's left of the madeira," he suggests.

"How generous of you."

"You know me, shortcake."

You just can't eat. You feel weirdly close to tears no matter how nice James is being, or that Remus had made your dinner with care, or even that Sirius is stealing peeks at you. Their affection actually makes it all feel much worse, like you could burst into tears at any moment. It's so embarrassing to feel like this and have them know it, have their pity. You've far from earned it.

You nibble at the same chip for the next ten minutes until everyone is finished, and then you offer to do the dishes. You lift your own plate before anyone can look at it, holding your hand out in wait for their dishes. James stacks the remaining plates and you almost drop them trying to carry them to the sink.

You scrape off the food and rinse them. Sirius starts to clear off the table. James declares himself a guest, nabs the madeira and heads for the living room, Remus hot on his heels.

"Let me ask you something," Sirius says.

You wait for him to continue, a hot sponge in hand, soaping up the plates and oily frying pan. He doesn't. "Yeah," you say lightly, because he's still your friend even when you feel like nothing is worth anything, "ask me, Siri."

His footsteps are quiet behind you, moving from one end of the kitchen to the other as he cleans. "If I…" Bleach sprays over the tops. He appears behind you sudden and close to grab the dish cloth. You can almost feel the heat of him.

You turn to look at his face. He wrings the cloth out blindly, eyes on you in turn. "If I wanted a hug, would you give me one?"

"You want a hug?" you ask.

"Is that weird?"

"No, of course not. It just," you turn back to your dishes and rinse off the last two plates in succession, "isn't like you?"

"You don't think so?"

Drying your hands with the tea towel, you lean against the sink and watch him wipe down the countertops. He's clumsy, but he does it exactly as Remus had shown him when you first moved in.

"I like them from you," he says, tossing the sullied cloth in the sink.

"Do you want one?" you ask.

He opens his arms. You step toward him without any reluctance or hesitance. If he's only asking because he thinks you need one, you don't want it. But if he wants one himself…

"Are you okay?" you ask, voice smothered where your face rubs against his collar.

The t-shirt he's wearing is soft under your arms. You cling to the sensation, moving one hand slowly up the dip of his spine just to feel the fabric.

He shudders and wraps you up tight. His hugs are always like this, firm and no-nonsense. Comforting, sweet, but solid. His hand finds the tense space between your shoulders, his thumbs digs in, falls back, and digs in again. It hurts just enough to feel good.

"I'm alright. I've been thinking about us."

Cheek pressed to his collarbone, you stare at the bump of his upper arm. "You have?"

"Florish and Blotts won't take us back," he says.

You relax. Right, he's thinking of your current unemployment.

"But I think James' mum can get us something, if I ask her."

"Like what?"

His mini massage pauses. "Um… I don't know. I doubt we'll get anything in Diagon Alley again."

"Sorry," you murmur.

"It's okay."

"I don't think you should've stayed home with me."

"I like staying home with you."

"But enough to lose your job?"

"Wanna know a secret?"

You're afraid of what he has to say, but you nod.

"I didn't wanna work there without you. I'm not entirely selfless."

You marvel at what he's said and the way he's said it. You love his voice. Some might say Sirius talks too stoically, but the longer you've known him the lighter his voice has become.

"I'm glad we're friends," you say, squishing your cheek to his chest.

He laughs. You can feel it. "Me too."

"Like, really glad. You and Remus and James. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Feelings aren't something Sirius has ever been attuned to, but he tries for you, clearing his throat to say, "I don't know what you'd do either."

"Tell me how you really feel."

His hand stutters against your back. "Not like that," he says quickly. "I mean- I mean, I can't imagine your life without me in it. I can't imagine my life without you. Without Prongs or Moony. It's like imagining a cup of tea with no milk in it."

"Some people like tea without milk."

"Some people are twats, that doesn't have anything to do with me," he says, shrugging.

You peel away from him and straighten some of the hair curled around his cheekbones affectionately.

In the living room, James and Remus seem to be having a similarly fond checkup. James has pulled Remus' left arm – notorious for aching – and has coerced him into a 'massage', wherein James pulls it this way and that, gentle, caring. Not a massage, but he's trying his best.

"-yeah… Well, what did you think? Did they help?"

"I don't know, Prongs. I think so, but it might've been in my head."

James shrugs. "I'll get you some more anyways. Maybe it will take a while to work."

Remus sighs with a general blasé attitude you're not sure he feels and sinks further toward James, the two of them as close as they can be on the smaller of the sofa's. You and Sirius sit in the larger, not quite as close as your friends are to each other, but almost.

"I saw this thing in the prophet about a potion," James continues.

Remus has already read all about it. "I saw it. It'll be years before they know for sure, and it… well, it's more expensive than I'll ever be able to afford, anyway. But maybe," he adds when James' smile drops.

James doesn't stay defeated for long. He drops his gaze to Remus' arm and pushes his thumbs down the soft of it one after the other. "Lily's mum had something for her-"

"Cataracts?" Sirius asks.

"Irritable bowels?" Remus asks.

"Pancreas?" you ask, to Sirius' glee.

"She's a poorly lady."

"We know." He brings her up often enough.

James glares at you all and flops down, dejected. He's careful not to tug at Remus, but besides that he's downright petulant. "You guys have been the fucking worst since I moved out. Constantly ganging up on me, watching movies without me-"

"What would you have us do, Prongs? Never watch a film again?" Sirius asks.

"We'll have to start a book club."

"Or a games club," you say seriously. You and Remus make a winning scrabble team.

"No! Absolutely no fun is to be had while I'm not here! Or I'll feel very left out!"

"I doubt the book club would be very much fun," Sirius says, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table, arms behind his head. "Remus'll have us reading all his sky-fi-"

"Sci-fi."

"- rubbish. Next we'll be speaking in tongues and-"

"Sirius," you say, jabbing him in the ribs. "Remus doesn't speak in tongues."

"You didn't hear him retelling his last novel the other night, doll. I think he started making up words, toward the end."

Remus grins. "They were believable, weren't they?" he asks, sounding so happy it immediately infects the rest of you.

You start to laugh as quietly as you can manage. James attempts no such discretion.

Your room doesn't look as bright at night. The walls don't glow like they had. The sickly, tickling smell of wet paint sticks to the back of your nose. You count backward from one hundred slowly and try not to think about the past, things you don't want to think about. You try not to think about your job. Every time you do, you start counting down again. You've yet to break eighty.

You reach your hand out in front of you. The light from Sirius' room creeps under your doorway, just enough to illuminate the contours of your knuckles. You tense your hand, hold it high and leave it there.

None of these tricks ever work.

Your hand starts to ache. You curl it toward you and sigh, annoyed. Where your low mood earlier in the day had felt like a burning distraught, a panic, it now feels closer to defeat. I want to kill myself becomes less of an urgent wish and more of a cold truth. There's nothing heart-pounding to it. Only guilt.

You sit up in the dark, sheets cold over your naked legs. Your hands fall in the space between them. A marionette.

Five seconds of pressure, you think.

The floorboards creak as you cross the room. You flick on an old lamp and sit at your desk, still covered by a sheet to protect your books from paint. From under the sheet you recover your current library book, a collection of poems. Your journal's nowhere to be seen. You're not sure this is a poem you want to recount, anyhow.

The paper is worn under your touch. You read back the poem for the tenth time this week.

IN MEMORY OF A FRIEND

John, I have been trying to find you in water.

Scales racing down the lengths of your legs

and the shadows of you painted luminous.

Your hair moves as if silk sprouts between

your ears. The light can hardly reach you.

You dance in it. In actuality, nothing so fanciful

would remain of you.

I have been trying to find you in wood.

I see you running through tall grass, see you

swapping your hands for claws. Your eyes turn

silver. Again, it's too grand, so I imagine you

a puppet. Dainty wooden limbs suspended by

clear twine. Five seconds of pressure all it takes

to cut you loose.

I have been trying to find you in light.

On stage, I dream you with your face made up

and all your bruises covered. A casino of colour,

a rainbow splayed over your show clothes. If

you've gone somewhere you don't want to be

followed, let it be in the glitz and glimmer of

the limelight.

John, I have been trying to find you.

I look for you in everything. Your bruises, your

moods. I see a spider's thread in the sun and

expect to find you strung up at the end. Five

seconds of pressure. Take off your costume.

John, I have been trying to keep you here.

John, I wish you'd wanted to be kept.

You scratch the paper with your nail very gently.

It's the kind of poem that makes you worry about yourself.

You edge out of your room and listen at the door jam for your friends. Soft snores from Remus' room. Silence from Sirius', his light now off. You pad across the landing to his room anyhow.

You don't knock, only push the door open a half inch and whisper, "Siri?"

He's curled on his side away from you. For a moment you think he's still sleeping, but then his arm drops behind him and he pulls back the sheets.

You close his door slowly and climb in beside him, face to the back of his head, a perfect image of his stance. His bed smells so strongly of him you have to hold your breath.

"Is the paint bothering you?" he whispers, voice husky with sleep.

Your friends at the dinner table. His dark curls a half inch from your nose.

You don't ever want your friends to have to look for you.

"Do you really think James' mum can get us a job?" you murmur.

"Don't worry about that," he says. You can practically hear his brows furrowing. "I'll find us something else if she can't. Everything will be okay."

You wait for his breathing to even out and curl your pinky finger with his, like a promise.

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black drabble #sirius black imagine #sirius black x fem!reader #fem!reader #marauders era #marauders #marauders x reader platonic #marauder x reader #marauders x reader friendship #remus lupin x reader platonic #james potter x reader platonic

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justaparsec94 · 2 days

Text

Sniper

Summary: You're a civilian medic assigned to The Bad Batch, during a mission you are injured and Crosshair has to get you to safety. Seeing you hurt has him struggling to come to terms with his feelings for you.

Pairing: Crosshair x fem!reader

Word Count: 6,599

Warnings: Description of Injury, Blood, Gore, Broken Bones, Needles

Authors Note: I've been watching too many medical shows lately and this is the result.

****************

When GAR High Command had decided to assign a civilian medic to Clone Force 99 Crosshair had completely baulked at the idea. They didn’t need some medic, especially a civ tagging along with them and upsetting the balance they had achieved as a team. Tech had always been considered their resident medic and Crosshair and the rest of his brothers had enough basic medical training to get by in the event Tech wasn’t around. In Crosshair's opinion that was good enough. But his protests had gone largely ignored and within days you had shown up at their ship with bright eyes and a warm smile and that had been it.

It hadn’t taken long for you to find your place amongst the squad, you seemed to get along well with everyone, even despite Crosshair’s initial attempts to scare you off. His brothers had all accepted you quickly and even though he would never admit it to anyone it hadn't taken long for your charms to work on him too. There was just something about you that drew him in. You just had an easygoing way about you, always ready with a smile or joke, or an encouraging comment. You were smart and competent, never a liability in the field. And your bedside manner was impeccable, they all knew they were in good hands any time you had to work on them. Even Crosshair could admit that you were a good addition to the team. And as Tech liked to point out, their efficiency had improved with your presence as they no longer had to make trips back and forth to Kamino for every medical need.

It wasn’t just your professionalism that drew him in though. He had spent many hours in hyperspace sitting silently at your side while he cleaned the Firepuncher and you idly chatted about whatever facts you had learned about the planets your missions had taken you to, or whatever recent medical journal you had read. He just liked spending time with you, which until you had come into his life was a completely foreign feeling for him. He didn’t like people. But you seemed to be the exception. It also didn’t hurt that you were beautiful. Warm and radiant in a way that made his heart pound if he stared at you too long. He ached for you in a way that was decidedly unprofessional but he kept those feelings locked up tight. He knew there was no chance that someone as bright and beautiful as you would fall for someone, well, someone like him. Asshole wasn’t his nickname for no reason at all.

His feelings weren’t helped by the fact that the two of you were often paired on missions. You could handle yourself and knew how to use a blaster if needed but as a medic, your job was to stay out of the fight while still being close enough that you could get to them quickly if needed. As the squad's sharpshooter, he often was separate from his brothers, finding the spot that would give him the best advantage. It only made sense that on the missions where you couldn’t hang back close enough on The Marauder, you would join him instead. He wouldn’t admit that he enjoyed the times the two of you spent together, holed up in some spot keeping a close eye on your squad, but he did. Crosshair wasn’t soft, he was harsh and unyielding but that didn’t ever seem to bother you. He gave little but you took and gave right back. Never with frustration or annoyance. He knew he didn’t always deserve your kindness but you gave it anyway, without fail. You just seemed to understand him in a way that very few others did.

As much as he believed that you couldn’t possibly have any feelings beyond friendship towards him there were times, as the two of you lay side by side in the dirt when you would look at him just so, that he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe his feelings weren’t so one-sided. It was dangerous, this line that the two of you toed. You were dangerous. Because he knew that if he let himself he could get completely lost in you.

Currently, the two of you were staked out at the top of a rocky cliff on some backwater planet he didn’t care enough about to remember the name of. The plan was relatively simple, his brothers would storm the village where the Seppies had dug in while he provided covering fire. In and out if everything went according to plan.

“Did you know that the residents of this planet worship the god of the moon? They believe he brings them good fortune. Each full moon they throw a festival and offer up gifts as a thank you,” You said suddenly breaking the relative silence between the two of you. It was a habit of yours that he liked, a way to break the pre-battle tension.

“Hm,” Crosshair mused as he looked through his scope. He could see his brothers getting into position as the squad of clankers cleared the ridge just in front of the village. A series of small, calculated explosions set up by Wrecker had drawn them out and hopefully in doing so would reduce the risk of the planet's inhabitants being harmed in the ensuing fight. From this current vantage point, Crosshair would have no problem picking them off as they approached the rest of his squad, “That sounds like a lot of work.”

“Especially when you consider that full moons occur twice a month on this planet,” You added as you peered through your own scopes to watch the battle unfold.

“Must be nice to get so many gifts,” Crosshair replied as the first shots sounded. He took aim with ease, picking off droids one by one as his brothers got to work.

“Must be,” You said, your tone considering, “Though if I were a god I don’t know if I’d be all that excited about a bunch of pickled vegetables.”

“So ungrateful,” Crosshair tsked as he picked off another super battle droid. You laughed at his reply and he gave himself a mental pat on the back at his ability to not get distracted by such a lovely sound.

He fell into an easy rhythm, picking off droids, calling out their movements and targets to his brothers. It was all second nature to him, as easy as breathing. However, from past experience, he should have known it couldn’t be that easy.

“I think they might have spotted you,” You said suddenly, a quick glance over at you showed you were still peering intently through your own scopes. Sure enough, the cliff shook as a blast hit about 30 feet below their position.

Crosshair hissed as small rocks and debris rained down from the impact, he immediately scanned the field, looking for the source of the blast. His heart kicked up a notch as he found the barrel of a tank aimed directly at him.

“Crosshair, look out!” You cried, panic lacing your tone as you scrambled to your feet. He was moving without even thinking, just catching a glimpse of the blast of energy headed straight for them as you both threw yourselves from your positions.

“No!” Was all Crosshair was able to shout as he looked back towards you before the earth between you exploded. He saw your body tumbling through the air momentarily before he too was launched by the blast. The world became a blur as he was thrown head over heels, tumbling through space before he landed with a hard crunch against the rocks. The air completely left his lungs as he landed in a heap. His head spun as he wheezed, trying to pull in a full breath. The pain from the rocks around him bit through him even with his armour on. He was definitely going to feel this one later.

With a pain-filled groan, he rolled over, pulling himself up into sitting. It took another long moment but finally, his lungs found their normal rhythm again as he surveyed the scene around him. The spot he had been perched on had been obliterated, a pile of rubble all that was left of his sniper's nest. A sort of numb shock washed through him as he realized that without your warning he likely would have been blown to pieces too.

Suddenly a loud and agonized cry caught his attention. His blood ran cold as he looked at the place where you had once stood. He was on his feet before his mind could fully comprehend it, any aches he had been feeling completely forgotten about as he rushed to the edge of the cliff.

His heart was pounding in his chest, terrified of what he might find, as he reached the edge and he took in the sight below him. You’d been thrown clear off the cliff by the blast, landing on a ledge nearly 10 feet below. Even from this distance a quick scan of you was all it took for him to figure out what had you crying out in such agony. You were in a contorted seated position, hands grasping at your leg. It appeared as though you had tried to right yourself in the air and had likely landed on your feet but the impact had been too severe as now the sole of your right foot completely everted, twisted unnaturally and offset from your leg.

Crosshair felt as though he were going to be sick as he half slid then jumped down the cliff side to land at your side. Agony was written clearly across your face as you looked up at him. A white knuckle grip on your injured leg told him just how badly you were hurting.

“Get my kit,” you managed to ground out between your teeth before you let out another soft cry of pain.

Your gear had been separated from you during the blast but thankfully it was intact only a few feet away. Crosshair grabbed it and was back at your side in an instant. His heart was still pounding painfully against his ribs as he looked at you. On top of the obvious leg injury, you were also covered in scrapes, likely from the flying debris, having not had any armour to protect you like he had.

“What do you need me to do?” He asked, trying to remain stoic as you took the bag from him, unzipping it with shaking hands.

“I need pain meds. And then I’m going to need you to cut off my boot. We need to straighten it,” you hissed between clenched teeth as you pulled a hypo-needle from your bag.

If Crosshair had thought he was going to be sick before it was nothing compared to how he felt now. The thought of laying his hands on you and causing you more pain was unthinkable. He watched in painful silence as a tear slid down your face, your hands still shaking slightly as you drew up the medication from the vial.

“Can you administer this?” You asked, holding the needle out to him, “My hands are shaking too much, I’ll probably miss the vein.”

Wordlessly he took it from you, all of the training he had received taking over and putting him on autopilot. He had done this countless times for his brothers before, he could do it now too. But that fact that it was you made it different. You should be the one helping him, not the other way around. You should have never been put in such a dangerous position. You could have died…he could have lost you.

You let out a soft hiss of air as he administered the shot into the crook of your arm. He was about to say something to you, what he wasn’t sure, provide reassurance maybe, but he was cut off by his comm pinging.

“Crosshair, come in,” Hunter’s voice filtered in through his helmet, “Are you alright? We saw that blast.”

Crosshair looked up briefly towards the battle, it was clear the number of droids was diminishing but the firefight was still intense. He lifted his hand to his earpiece to answer his brother, “I’m fine. Doc took a hit. Working on her now.”

“Keep us updated,” Straight to the point but the concern in Hunter’s voice was clear.

Crosshair didn’t bother with a response to that, simply turned his attention back to you. You were quickly beginning to look worse by the minute.

“There’s a pair of shears in my bag that’ll cut through my boot,” you said, taking the needle from him and dumping it back in your bag. With that done you leaned back slightly propping yourself on your hands as you let out another shaky breath.

“We should just get you out of here,” Crosshair said, he would never admit out loud the amount of fear that was lacing through him at the thought of causing you more pain, even if it was to help you in the long run.

“We need to stabilize my leg first. It will only get worse if we leave it,” You replied in the same professional air as always, as though you were talking about a patient and not your own injury.

Shears in hand Crosshair moved down towards your leg. Up close it was even worse, the unnatural angle of it made his stomach roll. Blood was leaking out between the bottom of your pants and the high top of your combat boot, staining the ground below.

“It’s fine Cross,” You said, clearly noticing the discomfort he was trying hard to conceal. Normally he would have warmed at the gentle way you always said the shortened version of his name but right now the only thing he felt was dread, “Just do it.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding before pulling off his helmet and setting it beside him on the ground. As advanced as his HUD was he needed an unobstructed view of what he was about to do.

At first, you were silent as he started cutting, your leg shaking slightly the only sign of your discomfort. But as he began to peel away the layers of bloodied boot and sock a string of curses so impressive that it had him looking up at you in surprise flew from your mouth.

He couldn’t stop the small smirk that made its way onto his face, “Who knew you had such a mouth on you Sunshine.”

“Just take my kriffing boot off,” you hissed. Even from where he was sitting he could see the way your shoulders heaved with each painful breath.

He did as he was told, his entire body tensed as you let out a painful howl as he pulled your boot away from your foot. A cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck as he looked at your mangled ankle. Blood was flowing from the opening where the bones of your leg were clearly visible, your foot off centre and from the looks of it hanging on by nothing more than skin and tendon. He'd seen hundreds of horrible injuries throughout the war, many worse than this, but the fact that it was you rattled him to his very core.

His eyes strayed back up to you as he tried to hide the horror he felt at the sight of your leg. Your eyes were shut as you took a few deep, shuddering breaths and he could see a clammy sheen on your skin that hadn’t been there before. He knew he would have to hurry before shock set in fully.

Your eyes blinked open again and he knew the look you were giving him was meant to be reassuring, “You have to move my foot back into place, it’ll help restore circulation.”

“But the pain-“ Crosshair started but you cut him off with a shake of your head.

“I’ve taken enough pain medication to sedate a bantha. I’m not even going to remember any of this has happened within the next few minutes. You have to do it, Cross, please.”

The words in his head slipped out before he could stop them, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You could never,” You said softly, reaching out to put a hand on his arm, “this is helping me.”

He took a deep breath, “On three?”

You nodded, pain and fear mixing in your eyes as he grasped your foot, “Do it.”

“One… two… three,” He tried to think of anything else as he pulled on your foot, attempting to realign it with the rest of your leg.

The cries you let out would haunt him for the rest of his life. He stopped once your voice croaked out and when it felt as if he couldn’t budge it anymore. It was definitely straighter and the amount of blood flowing had lessened but the bone was still exposed.

Content that he had done what he could and anxious to get you off this kriffing cliff he looked back up at you for his next directions. All the blood had drained from your face and his heart rate kicked up a notch as he watched your chin dip down towards your chest. Your entire upper body suddenly sagged back down towards the ground. He managed to move in time to catch you by the shoulders, lowering you down softly to the ground as you let out a weak and pained moan.

“Look at me,” he demanded, his hands firmly on your shoulders. Your eyes opened at his command, staring blankly up at the sky first before sluggishly finding their way to his face, “focus on me.”

“I am,” you replied weakly as he gently mopped at the cold sweat on your forehead. You let out another groan before you seemed to pull your thoughts back together, “there’s dressings and an air cast in the bag. Put the dressing over the open wound and then put on the splint, there’s a valve on the side to inflate it. It’ll keep it stable and put pressure on the wound.”

He quickly went about doing as he was told, his anxiety was amping up with each passing minute. He needed to get you to safety. You let out a few more painful cries as he applied the dressing and the splint but they were weak, your voice hoarse from your earlier screams.

“Antibiotics,” you mumbled once he had finished and moved back up towards your head. You gestured with a flailing hand towards your bag. He wasn’t sure if it was the medications kicking in, the pain, or a combination of both but you were clearly becoming weaker and more out of it by the minute.

He was thankful that you were so meticulous about your kit as he dug through the bag and quickly located the vial of antibiotics. You didn’t even flinch as this needle went it, simply blinked up at him sluggishly as he went about cleaning and getting everything stored away.

“You did good,” you said weakly, your words beginning to slur together. Your hand waved towards him and on instinct he reached out to grab it, lacing your fingers together and giving you a reassuring squeeze.

“We have to get you out of here,” he replied tersely as he surveyed the area around them. It wouldn’t be an easy journey down the cliff. He would have to fully support you over the rough terrain, if not carry you completely. The only saving grace was that likely thinking the blast had destroyed you both the clankers were no longer firing on your position. But the sounds and sights of an ongoing firefight in the direction he knew his brothers were meant a pickup would be unlikely at this time.

He looked down at your prone form again, some of the colour had returned to your face but not enough to ease his nerves, “Can you sit up?”

You groaned but managed to pull your upper body back up into sitting without his help. You seemed to wobble slightly before righting yourself and looking up at him, “m’ok.”

“Clearly,” he scoffed before he could stop himself. He grabbed his helmet and put it back on, activating his comm as he kept a close eye on you.

“Hunter," He barked over his comm, "I’m moving Doc now. We’ll rendezvous at The Marauder.”

“Copy that. We’ve got things under control here,” Hunter replied instantly, the slight breathlessness in his voice over the comm the only sign that he was in the midst of battle.

Crosshair wanted to snark out that from the sights of the explosions in the distance, it didn’t look like they did but he let the moment pass. You were more important than getting under his eldest brother's skin at the moment.

Disconnecting his comm he stood, he looked down at you for a moment, weighing his options before he stooped and wrapped his arms underneath your own, hands resting on your shoulder blades. He didn’t give you any warning before he pulled you up onto your good foot, hoping the lack of warning would cut down on anticipation pain but you still moaned with the movement. He had to steady you as you swayed like a tree in the breeze once fully upright.

“Do you think you can try walking?” He asked after you had stilled. He didn’t miss the white knuckle grip you had on his armoured arms, your face pale and clammy once more as he helped take most of the weight of your injured right leg as you held it up off the ground.

“Gotta try,” you mumbled. He gave a stiff nod and then maneuvered himself to your side, his arm going around your waist as you slipped an arm over his shoulders. He pressed his hip into you to take the brunt of your weight, your injured leg sandwiched between you both. It was awkward due to your major height difference but it would have to do. He managed to grab your kit with his free hand, slinging the bag over his shoulder before he helped you hop forward on your uninjured leg.

It was instantly apparent that this wasn’t going to work as you let out another horrible cry that cleaved his heart from his chest. The vibrations from his and your own movements were likely too much for your injured leg and you crumbled against him.

With a single smooth motion, he hooked his arm under your knees and around your back, scooping you up into his arms. In the past when he had pictured you in his arms thousands of times before this situation had never even been considered and he desperately hoped it would never happen again.

Your head lolled against his chest as he took a moment to adjust to your weight, the rest of your body was essentially limp in his arms. You weren’t heavy by any means but it was an adjustment to rebalance himself with the added weight, especially on such rough terrain and with your kit and the Firepuncher slung across his back.

You were mostly silent as he began making his way down the cliff side but every once in a while a soft moan would escape your lips. He tried his best not to jostle you too much but thankfully by your lack of protest, it seemed like the pain medication had fully kicked in.

The dissent was slow and Crosshair couldn’t help but now curse his decision to chose this spot for his sniper's nest. You wouldn’t even be in this situation if he had chosen somewhere else. He sighed, desperately trying to keep his feet underneath the shifting rock as he picked his way down the cliffside.

He had made it about halfway down the cliff without any sound from you, the gentle puff of your breath against the sliver of exposed skin between his helmet and the neck of his blacks the only sign you were still with him.

He was about to duck his head to check you were still awake when a sudden soft mumble caught his attention, “You’re my favourite, you know.”

He scoffed, tilting his head down as best as he could to try and get a better look at your face, “You really overdid it on the drugs.”

You tipped your head up to look at him, shaking it slightly in disagreement “No is true,” you slurred before your head lolled back onto his shoulder

Your next words were so quiet we wouldn’t have heard them had you not been so close but as it was they made his insides freeze, “Sexy sniper.”

He let out a sound that was half scoff, half chuckle, “You’re delirious.” You couldn’t possibly feel the same way about him that he felt about you. It just had to be the drugs talking.

“No m’not,” You protested again as your one hand came up to wrap weakly around his neck, “You’re s’handsome.”

“Stop,” he hissed. He couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand the way your words, addled by medication or not, were getting his hopes up.

“Ok,” You mumbled but your hand stayed laced around his neck, “S’ok if you don’t like me back. Just thought you should know.”

His entire body felt as if it were on fire as he gazed down at you. Your words reverberated around his skull, solidifying something in his very soul. He was so bloody kriffed. You had your eyes closed, head resting gently on his shoulder, looking for all the galaxy as if you hadn’t just said something that had completely ruined him.

He couldn’t even begin to think of what to say back to you. A part of him was convinced the words out of your mouth were completely drug-fueled nonsense, but the other part wanted to hold onto them and on to you and never let go.

His comm blaring in his ear cut off any sort of response he could have come up with.

“Crosshair!” Tech’s voice vibrated through his helmet, “You have droid starfighters headed your way!”

Crosshair cursed as he looked up and sure enough, he spotted two blips in the sky growing bigger by the moment.

“Cross?” You asked weakly from his arms, sensing his distress.

There was no time to answer you though, he moved back towards the centre of the cliff, as far from the edge as he could get as the fighters roared overhead. The cliff shook, debris raining down around them as hyena droid bombers dropped their load. Crosshair cursed again as his feet slid beneath him, he held you as close to his body as possible as the cliff continued to crumble around you both. He wouldn’t drop you, he couldn’t.

You both let out a cry as he slid further down the cliff, feet scrambling as he desperately tried to maintain his balance. You cried out in agony at the shifting and jostling as Crosshair slipped once more, going down to his knees as the ground beneath him gave way. He managed to keep you in his arms but the pained noises you made as the earth below you both finally settled indicated that more damage had been done.

“Put me down,” You cried out, writhing in his arms, “Put me down. Put me down.”

It was the last thing he wanted to do, he just needed to get you to the ship. But as he watched all of the remaining colour drain from your face he knew he didn’t have much of a choice.

You screamed in pain as he placed you down on the ground again, hands clawing at his chest plate as you screwed your eyes shut. Even through the filters in his helmet, he could smell fresh blood. He risked a look at the splint and while it still looked intact clearly the past few minutes had not done you any favours.

“Easy,” He said softly as he moved his hands to your shoulders in an attempt to steady you, “We need to get you back to the ship.”

“No, no, no,” You chanted as your bloodshot and glassy eyes popped open momentarily, “I can’t.”

“You have to,” Crosshair barked out, his tone harsher than he intended. The stress of the situation was eating away at him. He just wanted to get you to safety. He knew that between the pain and the medication you weren’t in the right state of mind. Knew that had the situation been reversed you would have been hauling his shebs back to the ship no matter how much he protested but he just couldn’t bear the thought of causing you so much pain. He’d do it, but it would kill him every step of the way.

Your eyes had slipped closed once more and your voice was weak as you spoke, “Just leave me. I’m no use to you guys anyways.”

“Now you’re just being dramatic,” Crosshair hissed and rolled his eyes even though he knew you couldn’t see his expression.

You didn’t say anything, but he watched you for a moment, the way your chest was rising and falling raggedly. You needed more help than he could give.

A sudden explosion off in the distance, likely Wrecker’s doing, caught his attention. He watched the cloud settle before he reached up to activate his comm.

“Tech we’re going to need a pickup,” Crosshair barked, “Doc is fading fast.”

“Copy,” Tech replied, “ETA 10 minutes.”

Clearly whatever the explosion had been had been an end to the firefight. He transmitted his location to Tech and then he waited.

It was one of the longest 10 minutes of his life as he kneeled over you, one of your hands clasped between both of his as it shook. Your eyes had slipped closed again but he could tell by the way you were breathing that you weren’t asleep. He wasn’t even fully aware of the words that were leaving his mouth but he just felt the overwhelming need to reassure you in some way. It’s what you would have done for him or any of his brothers in the same situation.

He finally let out a breath of his own as the familiar sounds of The Marauder's engines filled the air around them. Your eyes popped open as it came into position, hovering beside the cliff edge.

Wrecker came barreling down the ramp, jumping onto the ledge with ease and quickly covering the distance. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of you but he didn’t falter in his movements.

“Hang in there, doc,” He said as he kneeled down, “we got ya!”

You let out another painful moan as he lifted you up and into his arms. The lack of volume and fight from you worried Crosshair immensely but he didn’t hesitate. He grabbed your kit and followed quickly after Wrecker as he carried you onto the ship.

Tech was at your side in an instant, directing Wrecker to lay you down on the middle bunk in the back of the ship. You groaned again as Wrecker gently laid you down but it seemed that all of the energy had been sucked right out of you. You were so pale and weak that Crosshair felt almost feral with the amount of fear that was coursing through him. You needed to be ok. Anything else was not an option.

He couldn’t bring himself to leave your side, even as Wrecker left and Hunter appeared in his place. Tech ignored you all, the medscanner passing over you as he worked. His brow was furrowed beneath his goggles in concentration as he assessed your condition. All the while you remained still and silent, your eyes only opening for brief moments.

“This is beyond my skill level, she has suffered a severely displaced compound fracture. She will require surgical repair of this,” Tech replied matter of factly before he turned to look at Hunter, “Set course to Kamino, it is the closest medical facility to our current location.”

“On it,” Hunter replied moving instantly off towards the cockpit. Technically as a civilian member of the GAR, they should have been taking you to the medical base on Coruscant but that would add days to their travel, time they did not have.

“Will she be ok?” Crosshair asked, tension evident in his voice.

Tech looked at him briefly before his eyes returned to the medscanner in his hands, “She is stable for now. It is a serious injury but I am hopeful she will make a full recovery once in the proper hands. You did a good job stabilizing her in the field.”

“I just followed her instructions,” He grumbled.

“In any case, a good job,” Tech repeated, “I will do my best to make her comfortable for the journey and ensure she remains stable.”

Tech became a flurry of movement as he bent over you, checking your vitals and looking for any other injuries. Crosshair couldn’t bring himself to leave your side. Not when you were like this. Instinctually he kept creeping forward, the distance between the two of you unbearable. He just wanted to touch you, to feel that you were still with them, still alright.

“Crosshair!” Tech snapped, pausing in his work drawing up more pain meds for you, “Your hovering is distracting and not helpful. Go clean yourself up. You are covered in blood.”

Crosshair growled at his brother, unwilling to part from your side when you were in such a state. A biting response was on his tongue but Tech didn’t let him speak, “You know she would say the same if she were not so out of it.”

As if sensing you were being spoken about you perked slightly, eyes opening as you turned your head towards the sounds of their voices, “Cross,” You called out again softly.

He shouldered past Tech, who tsked in annoyance, and kneeled down beside your head, reaching for the hand you held out towards him, “What is it, mesh’la?”

“Did you know that on this moon they worship the gods?” Your eyes were big and glassy as you looked up at him. Your tone was completely serious, as though this was the most important information you had ever told him.

He scoffed and ignored the jumbled way your sentence had come out, “Yeah, I even hear they give gifts to their god every full moon.”

Your eyes widened even more, comically so, “Wow. Who told you that?”

“I must have read it somewhere,” He replied with a soft smirk as he squeezed your hand once more.

“Crosshair,” Tech’s annoyance at the continued interruptions was evident as he spoke, “You. Are. In. The. Way.”

He hissed, glaring up at his brother briefly but he stood, pulling away from you slightly. He looked back down at where you were still gazing up at him dreamily, “I have to go clean up, you got blood all over me, Sunshine.”

“Whoops,” You replied with a delirious giggle, “My bad.”

An actual chuckle left Crosshair at that as he pulled his hand from yours, “Don’t cause too much trouble for Tech while I’m gone.”

“You’ll come back?” You asked, concern suddenly written all over your face.

“In a flash,” He replied, and suddenly as though he were possessed he stooped, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. As he pulled away he didn’t know what had come over him, or when he had grown so soft. But he found he didn’t care as he noticed the content look that had replaced the worry on your face. He waited for your eyes to slip close once more before he turned away from you.

He instantly froze, bristling as he noticed the smug look on Tech’s face. He had clearly paused whatever he was doing to watch the interaction.

“If you mention this to anyone I will put a blaster bolt between your eyes,” Crosshair hissed venomously.

If anything, Tech only looked more smug at Crosshair’s response, “It is amusing that you think your affections for her are a secret,” He replied, “However, I do promise that I will not mention what I have observed here today to anyone else.”

“You better not,” Crosshair growled, unable to think of anything better to say before he once again shouldered past his brother as he headed off to change out of his gear and clean himself up. He chose to ignore the embarrassment that was burning through him at Tech’s words.

He had never gotten out of his gear and cleaned himself so quickly. He returned to your side in under half a standard hour, clean from the small sonic shower on board and a fresh pair of blacks covering his body.

Tech didn’t even look up as he approached, “She’s stable. All we can do right now is let her rest,” he explained as Crosshair returned to bunks.

Crosshair watched him silently as he stood. Tech gave him a pointed look that he did not like but chose to ignore, “I’ll be in the cockpit if she needs anything.”

He kneeled down beside your head once more, no longer caring what his brothers might think if they saw him with you. Your breathing had thankfully evened out and a bit of colour had returned to your face but you still looked unwell. Slowly and hesitantly he reached out his hand to brush some of the hair off your forehead.

His touch caused you to stir and your eyes popped open, finding him instantly. A small, though decidedly hazy, smile grew on your face, “You came back.”

He scoffed, “Of course I did.”

“I missed you,” You said casually, clearly having no idea what effect your words were having on him. He really was so truly kriffed.

He swallowed the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him and settled for his usual snark instead, “You did? How touching.”

Much to his delight that got a chuckle out of you. Clearly, you weren’t so out of it that you couldn’t still enjoy his usual quips, “That’s why you’re my favourite Cross.”

He knew that with the drugs running through your system you wouldn’t remember much, if any of what you had said to him. But even if things between you went right back to the way they had been before he would remember them and the way you had made him feel forever.

“Get some rest,” he replied, his voice gruff with all of the unspoken feelings bubbling inside him.

“You’ll stay?” You asked, hand reaching out to grasp his wrist gently. Your eyes were wide, as you looked at him, the faintest line of concern creasing your brow.

He slid his hand down to interlock his fingers with your own. He watched as a small smile bloomed on your face at the motion, “Always,” he replied. You smiled up at him before closing your eyes, pulling his hand into your chest, clearly intent on keeping him close.

Always. He felt the word straight down to his very bones. The first step had been to admit it to himself, just how much you had crept under his skin and how much he wanted to keep you there. Always. Now maybe one day he’d be brave enough to tell you just how much he truly meant it.

#crosshair #tbb crosshair #crosshair x reader #crosshair x fem!reader #the bad batch x reader #the bad batch x fem!reader #tbb x reader #tbb x fem!reader

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writing-in-the-impala · 1 month

Text

Secret Smokes (Part 15)

Pairing: Teacher! Remus Lupin x Reader

Series Summary: When the reader bumps into the new DADA professor on the bridge in Hogwarts she begins to build a friendship with him all thanks to their shared feeling of not belonging and love for muggle cigarettes. Their friendship blooms while they both fight internal battles deciding what is wrong and what is right leading to a lot of fluff, angst, flirting and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, drinking, teacher-student relationship, angst, jealousy, fluff, smut.

Word Count: 2311

A/N: wow it's been a while I have no excuses I just have a soul-draining full-time job and no free time. Enjoy! I missed you all <3

| SERIES MASTER LIST (All chapters) |

Previous Chapter, Part 15, Next Chapter

You spent the whole Sunday sulking as you walked around Hogsmeade trying to lift your own spirits. You couldn't take it anymore. On one hand you thought about how maybe you just need to go one a date with someone else to break this fixation you had on Remus on the other hand you felt like you may have a lot more than just a crush on him and that no one will be able to replace him. You simultaneously wanted to bump into him and to not see him for a few days. But something pushed you to try and force him into bumping into you. So you pulled out the marauders map and saw he was in his classroom. You went to the corridor adjacent and sat with a book waiting for him to walk out, yet the next time you checked the map he was in the library so you headed straight there. Once you arrived to the library he was nowhere to be found, you checked the map and saw he was walking towards the courtyard you followed him but couldn't catch up with him until you saw him disappear from the map. You knew he left Hogwarts, and you knew he was avoiding you as he probably saw where you were using his own map. It was hopeless. He was impossible.

Your next interaction with him was Monday morning in class, one of the only places he couldn't avoid you, especially that you knew he couldn't skip classes as he had to do so at the end of each month anyway. When you walked in Remus's eyes flicked to yours and then straight to the floor to avoid yours. He kept his composure well during class but spent the whole hour tapping his finger on his wand and falling over his words. He barely answered questions and took deep breaths. After the lesson finished he let out a sign simply saying "that's all, thank you very much. Remember keep studying I know you'll all do great." In this moment he gave you a short glance breathing in, closing his eyes slowly and turning to walk up to his office. As everyone funnelled out you followed him. "Professor, I have a question about one of the exams." You said nearly running up to catch him as he was already half way up the stairs.

"Miss L/N, I can't go into too much details about exams you know this. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I won't be of much use to you."

"But professor I just want to understand more." You pushed hugging your books for comfort and looking around as some students were still in the class, he shifted his body weights to his other leg.

"I'll be honest I've never ran a class through exams, you know I'm new to all this. It would be better for you to speak to a different professor on this subject." He pained and you knew you were both speaking in double meanings at this point.

"But you're the one I want to speak to as you are the one who teaches defence against the dark arts."

"Was I not clear that I'm not the right match for you on this topic when we last spoke about exams, I suggest Professor McGonagall could help." He said looking past you at the last few girls in the room both you aching for them to leave you you could speak normally as he knew you wouldn't leave and there wasn't much you could say like this.

"Yes I do understand that Professor however what she explained wasn't that clear either, it left me with a lot of questions specific to defence against the dark arts." At this moment the last two girls left saying "bye Professor Lupin." He said goodbye to them before turning back to you and saying "Follow me, let me see if I can help." You followed behind him, he held the door open for you and let you in his office first before shutting the door behind you, you didn't make yourself comfortable in the room but rather stood by the door. "You shouldn't speak to me like that while there's other students around." He said in a low tone.

"I needed to get your attention somehow."

"You know you've always got my attention." He words were almost a low growl.

"But you avoided me all Sunday."

"It's what's best for you." He took a step closer closing the space between you forcing you to look up if you want to look into his eyes.

"How do you know what's best for me?"

"Trust me I do." He leaned down his lips were an inch away from yours.

"Really?" You asked and his lips met yours as he moaned a "mhm" in confirmation. He pulled away to say "you know you really shouldn't act like that in my classroom while there's other students still leaving, begging me to talk to you, to give you attention." His words were making hot flashes go through your body as you said nothing just looked up at him. "Do you understand?" He asked and you nodded.

"Good girl." He said the words catching you off guard. He walked away from you to go and lean against his desk as you stood in the same place confused.

"I thought you were avoiding me?" You asked not understanding his sudden change in behaviour.

"I am." He said signalling for you to come closer with his hand and you followed his command. He stood up straight in front of the desk as you looked up at him he picked you up and put you down on the desk so you were now sitting on it.

"How is this avoiding me professor?" You ask him as he looked down at you, he got on his knees in front of you, his head at desk level as his hands moved up and down your thigh.

"Well right now we don't have to discuss all the stuff I'm avoiding." He said moving his head between your thighs and teasing you through your clothing.

"How are you so sure?" You asked as you resisted all the feelings he was sending through you.

"Because dear you can't even think straight and I haven't bent you over my desk yet." He said standing back up leaving you aching for him.

"Please don't stop." You said looking into his eyes that seemed a lot darker in this moment. He began to kiss you as he undressed you and you unbuttoned his shirt. He grabbed you by your hair to turn you around and bent you over his desk. You felt his body against you before he leaned down to whisper in your ear he took a deep breath and then he let you go and walked away sitting on the sofa opposite the desk while saying "I can't do this."

You turned around in confusion to see him buttoning back up his shirt, you quickly fixed yourself before questioning him. "What do you mean you can't do this? You started it!" You attempt to protest.

"and I'm ending it."

"So what happened to wanting to bend me over your desk?"

"I can't, I care about you too much. I don't want to throw you around this room like an object of desire. Don't get me wrong I do desire you, and you do something to me when you out me on the spot in public like that but I can't treat you like this."

"What if I want you to treat me like that?" You asked afraid of moving anywhere closer to him in the room.

"Then you don't understand your own worth." He simply stated.

"So now you won't speak to me or even sleep with me anymore?"

"You know I think it was William Blake who said sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires."

"Well if you studied Blake like I did you would know Blake is telling you to act on your unacted desires, unless you're telling me you would rather kill a infant in its cradle than kiss me again."

"You've got it wrong dear. I may have been homeschooled by my parents but don't underestimate how many hours I spent reading. The enacted desires are the things you should murder. If you nurse them, they must be in a cradle. They are the baby in a cradle so strangle your unacted desire, don't act on them."

You felt almost embarrassed at you pointing out school, you didn't know he was homeschooled but it made sense with his condition and the fact they moved constantly, it added up and now not only were you angry at Remus for his recent actions but you felt guilty for your own words. You didn't reply, the silence was thick before Remus breathed heavily and continued to speak.

"Therefore it's time for me to strangle mine, if you remember the day we went to the British Museum I asked you to promise that if you developed any strong feelings for me to tell me so we could cut it off before either of us gets hurt." He said and you nodded slowly to show you're following along. "Well I may have not been too truthful and I feel neither have you, and it has resulted in us both becoming victims of our own misfortune."

"Are you saying you have strong feelings for me Remus Lupin?" You asked feeling both nervous and excited.

"Not exactly, what I'm saying is there was a line that I tried to set and I believe somewhere that line became blurry. So after you left on my birthday I decided to establish that hard line again. I decided we will stop sleeping in my bed, we will stop all the cuddling nonsense and all the softness. However I simply can't do that Y/N, I can't be as stern and strict as I want to be with you."

"That's okay, I want to cuddle with you."

"I'm aware however I told you that day, I would like to take you on dates, I would like to walk around and hold your hand, I would like to bring you to see my friends especially during my birthday but we can't do that, I told you it will hurt to not be able to live in public, I didn't want to risk the pain for you. You deserve so much more than this." He looked weak.

"Can you not tell you're what I want no matter how many times you deny me?" You were almost in tears.

"I simply don't believe you understand what you're signing up for with me, and it's emphasised by you asking me to take you on dates, to go see Sirius, to go to my cottage. I always told you those weren't options with me especially while you study here but you didn't listen." He was angry but also frustrated like he was mainly fighting with himself.

"What if I didn't study here?"

"What? Y/N don't try and ruin your education?"

"No, as in when I finish. What happens then?"

"Then we're free, but then you have the burden of being associated with me. I fear that the stigma attached to me will affect you before you even have a chance to become the amazing witch you can be."

"I don't care." You simply shrugged. "But would you take me on dates?" You asked and he thought for a second.

"Of course if you're not my student there no reason not to." He replied thoughtfully.

"Would I be able to visit Sirius with you?"

"It would be encouraged." He replied instantly.

"Okay, then we'll continue this whole conversation when I finish."

"So what happens now?"

"You tell me, you're the one who knows what's best for me." You said and he laughed for the first time since you entered this room. "Touché."

"I think we hold off for a little bit, you're right you know, I'm not being truthful about how attached I am to you. And I haven't been really seeing my friends this year because all I can think about is you." He gave you a sad but understanding nod. "So I think I should come here less, but I don't want to stop coming. Maybe we become a bit more casual, see each other every so often, I'd still like to be able to come for tea, listen to music and sometimes kiss you if that's okay."

"It's always okay." He said with a soft pained smile.

"Okay, so we do that, and when I finish school you can ask me out and show me what dating Remus Lupin is like, deal?"you put your hand out for him to shake.

"Deal." He said reaching out to shake your hand. "Would you like to stay exclusive still?"

"You don't?" You were caught off guard.

"No I do, but I'm not in my last year of school, I'm asking you?"

"I don't think I would be comfortable finding out you're kissing someone else, so could we please stay exclusive even if we don't see each other as often?" You asked nervously.

"Of course dear, now what would you like to do stay here with me today or go back to your friends I won't be offended if you leave right now."

"I'd like to stay." You said and he reached out his hand to pull you to sit beside him.

"I'm very proud of you for putting your foot down like this, don't get me wrong it hurts to know I'll see you less but I think you've acted more mature than me in all this."

"If we had it your way we would still be smoking and flirting on the bridge." You pointed out as Remus put and arm alright you and got comfortable making him laugh. You felt safe, and like you made the right decision. You hoped.

NEXT CHAPTER | More stuff I wrote

A/N: sorry for the angst I had to do it.

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#remus lupin x reader #student x teacher #teacher! Remus Lupin #professor lupin x reader #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #remus lupin #the maruaders #harry potter #remus love you #secret smokes #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin imagine #the marauders #sirius orion black #remus lupin smut #remus x reader #remus john lupin

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