tenderly, tragically
Description: Silly, lifelong best-friendship leads to a lot of meaningless teasing. Though, sometimes teasing comes from a place of truth. It’s just that sometimes, those getting teased are the last to know why.
Pairing: Best friend!James Potter x Reader
Warnings: fluff, some angst, smut 18+ (p in v, praise kink, whiny james, size kink, first time for both), drinking, its really idiots to lovers
Word Count: 7.8k (just fluff): 9.4k (smut)
A/N: smut is at the end, and there’s a warning before it starts since it’s kind of like an alternate ending/extra bit. if you JUST want fluff, it ends at a good point for that before the smut starts :) ALSO: as with all of my marauders fics, characters are aged up (19-20)
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“Jamie,” I squeal a laugh, chasing after him.
He laughs, continuing to out-run me. The bastard.
“Not my fault you’re slow,” he calls back. “Catch up, love, or you’ll get caught.”
I run harder, jumping on his back when I get close enough. We both knew he’d slowed down to let me get closer, but neither of us bothered to mention it. He laughed, holding onto my legs as they wrapped around his waist, slowing until he was walking.
“You’re going to get us caught, you know that?”
I snort a laugh. “Please. There wasn’t even anybody there.”
He rolls his eyes playfully, finally dropping me from his back, and instead slinging an arm around my shoulders.
“They could have, though.”
“But they didn’t,” I say pointedly. “Besides, Remus, Peter, and Sirius are still actually in the Slytherin dorms. Lousy look-outs we are because of you.”
He chuckles, walking us towards the stairs.
“They’ll be fine,” he shrugs with a cocky smirk. “Besides, I doubt even most of the Slytherins would object to a little prank on Snivellus.”
I hum, nodding a little. “I guess. Still. You’re a bad friend.”
“You ran too,” he accused, his brow furrowing. “Don’t go and pin all this on me.”
“You told me to run!”
“You didn’t have to listen!”
I scoff, shaking my head. He gives me an irritated look, but pulls me a little closer under his arm. We get into the common room, and without even asking, he starts ushering me to their dorm room.
“Why?” I ask, knowing he knows what I’m asking.
“Sue me for wanting to spend some time with my life-long friend,” he says, quirking a brow.
I push him away from me, but he doesn’t really let me get far. He opens his door, pushing me in first. I immediately flop onto his bed face-first.
“Not complaining now, are you?” he asks, laying next to me.
“Not my fault your bed is so comfy,” I say, my voice muffled by the mattress.
I feel the mattress dip, and look up to see him also turned on his stomach, right next to me.
“If you really wanted to get me alone this bad you could’ve asked,” I say with a wink.
He rolls his eyes, but a smile gives him away.
“Please. I know you’re secretly hoping for it, but we both know that’s never going to happen.”
“Me?” I laugh. “As if. What would I do with a quidditch player?”
He scoffs, an offended look on his face.
“I’ll have you know that I am very desirable, and half of that has to do with the fact I’m the seeker, thank you.”
I roll my eyes. “Uh huh. And what’s the other half?”
“You seen this face?” he asks, a cocky smirk on his lips.
“Unfortunately I have.”
“You’re mean,” he says, a laugh breaking up his attempt to be offended.
He pushes me a bit, but I hardly budge. I laugh at his attempt, but apparently that was the wrong thing to do. He perks up, trying harder to fully push me off the bed, now.
“Hey!” I say in protest, fighting back against him.
He laughs, both of us practically fighting as he keeps trying to push me off. I see an opportunity a moment later and take it: I grab onto one of his arms with both of mine.
“Ha!” I say loudly. “Can’t push me off now unless you also fall off.”
He pauses, then an evil smirk comes onto his face. My face drops as I realize what he’s about to do. He scoots over, dropping both of us onto the ground. I squeal as we fall, and I end up taking the brunt of the fall as he lands on top of me.
“You should never threaten me with a good time. You know I can’t resist,” he says, not bothering to alleviate the pressure of his body pinning me down.
I groan. “You suck. I didn’t think you’d actually push both of us off just to get me.”
“Then you don’t know me very well,” he replies with a quirked brow.
“Please. I know you better than anyone and you know it.”
He opens his mouth to snark back at me, but the door opens before he gets a chance.
“You two are the worst,” Sirius says, clearly out of breath. Then, he scoffs as more footsteps follow behind him. “And look at this! They ran off on us to… Canoodle on the floor.”
I furrow my brow, pulling a face as I try to see him around James.
“Canoodle?” I repeat in disgust.
James finally starts getting off of me, kneeling on the ground next to me as I start pulling myself up. Remus and Peter give us a look.
“We’re not… canoodling, and you can blame Prongs for us ditching. He’s the one who took off running and told me I had to, too.”
Remus quirks a brow at that as Sirius goes to sit on his bed.
“You didn’t have to listen to him,” Peter pipes up.
“That’s what I told her,” James says, giving me a self-satisfied look.
I make a sour face at him, pushing his arm a little. He pushes me back, and I straighten up. Though, Remus must notice that look on me.
“Don’t you two start up again,” he says, pointedly looking between us. “If I have to watch you two flirt any more I might throw up.”
“We’re not flirting,” James grumbles. “She’s just fun to mess with.”
“Mm. And you’re just easy to win a fight against,” I add.
He looks at me quickly. “You didn’t win the last one.”
“Because you pushed us both off the bed!” I exclaim.
“Oh, shut it, you two,” Sirius says, his arm draped over his face. “We’ve been back for three days and you’re already acting up.”
I snort a laugh at Sirius’s annoyance, climbing back onto James’s bed. I sigh with my face in the pillows, feeling him climb over me to get to the other side a second later.
“You got us in trouble,” he whispers.
“Your fault, not mine,” I reply.
“You’re the one who insulted my perfect face.”
“You’re the one who pushed me first,” I argue back.
“Oi!” Sirius calls out again, leaving us both laughing.
Our first few weeks of school go off without a hitch. The boys continue pulling their little pranks, occasionally dragging me along with them. I settle into my space this year, glad to still have Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas as my roommates. We always tended to get along quite well.
I start reading a new book one night, absolutely enraptured with the story, probably even more so considering it’s helping me to avoid the homework that I really should be doing. I get though the first couple chapters before I notice Lily staring at me.
“What is it, Lils?”
“Can I tell you something?” Lily asks suddenly.
She looks around the room, seemingly to make sure the other girls are really gone for whatever she’s about to say.
I look at her over my book. “Sure.”
“Promise not to tell anyone?”
I nod. “Promise.”
She sighs, sitting up a little straighter. “I think I have a thing for someone… Well, for James.”
My eyes widen. “Really? You wanted nothing to do with him a little while ago.”
“I know. I just… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just bored or something, but I’ve been thinking about telling him.”
I nod. “Yeah. You should.”
“Really?” she asks, surprised.
“Why not?”
She smiles to herself. “Yeah. Why not? Do you think he’ll say it back.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe? He did have a crush on you before.”
She hums to herself. I laugh a little, shaking my head.
“I think I’ll do it tomorrow. Better to do it sooner than later, yeah?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I shrug noncommittally. I really just wanted to get back to my book.
“You don’t even care,” she groans after a moment.
“This is a really good book, Lils,” I laugh.
“Fine. I’ll stop bothering you.”
“Thanks,” I smirk to myself.
She scoffs again, though I know she isn’t really offended. I wish her good luck as we head off to our classes that day, knowing she was planning on telling James sometime in the morning.
I end up finding him later, though I try not to press for answers the second I find him. We sit on the grass in the late afternoon, watching some first years play a little quidditch match for fun. It’s uncharacteristically warm outside, and the sun shines down on us. After half an hour of watching the kids play, I glance at James.
“I wanna show you something,” I say suddenly, standing.
James looks up at me in confusion. “I’d prefer not to move.”
I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It’s a nice day. Sunny and no clouds. Please, just follow me?” I ask, almost whining. “Promise you’ll like it.”
He leans back on his hands. “How do you know?”
“Because I found a secret place in the woods, and you’ll be the first person besides me to see it,” I offer.
He quirks a brow. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Now get up.”
He grumbles to himself as he gets up, following me as we walk towards the woods. I start leading him through the trees towards the destination I had in mind.
“What were you even doing in here? It’s dangerous,” he says quietly.
“I was fine. Just had a long day and wanted to explore. It was in the daytime anyway,” I say matter-of-factly.
He hums to himself, clearly dissatisfied that I went out here by myself. But as I finally lead him to our destination, his annoyance wears off.
“Whoa,” he says, his eyes a little wide.
I smile. “See? Told you it would be worth your while.”
He looks on at the small clearing. There’s a little pond with clear water, the space in the trees allowing some sunlight to reflect on the water. It looks peaceful at least, and nearly-heavenly at best. I look at him expectantly.
“How’d you find this?” he asks, squatting by the water. He dips his hand it. “Whoa. It’s warm.”
I nod, still standing. “I found it when I was exploring, like I said. A few weeks ago. I charmed the water to stay warm, so I’ve been out here two or three times to swim. Thought I’d show you before it gets too cold.”
He smiles, standing up. “You want to go swimming? You didn’t bring any—”
His eyes widen as he finally looks at me. At this point, I’ve already started taking off my robes and my shirt.
“What?” I ask, brows furrowed. “You act like you’ve never been around me getting dressed. We’ve been friends since we were like six years old. Now, hurry up. Faster you get undressed, the faster we get to swim.”
He rolls his eyes at me, begrudgingly taking off his clothes, even though part of him still looks excited that I’d found such a nice little place.
I start wading in once I’m down to my underwear, the water feeling nice and warm in contrast to the slightly-cool air. I hear him come in after me in a moment, and turn to watch him.
“Nice, isn’t it?”
“Can’t believe you were hiding this from me,” he says, hiding a smirk.
“Oh, please,” I reply, floating on my back in the water. “You’re lucky I showed you at all. Nobody else knows about this. You should feel honored.”
I hear him hum and splash around a little, though my eyes are closed. I bask in the warmth of the sunlight on my face.
“Did Lils talk to you today?” I ask after a few minutes of silence.
“Yeah.”
I upright myself, looking at him as he aimlessly walks around in the water.
“And?”
He glances at me, giving a shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” I press, furrowing my brow. “What’s that supposed to mean? What did you guys talk about?”
“I have a feeling you already know,” he snorts a laugh.
I roll my eyes, wading closer to him. “So she told you?”
“Yep.”
“Well, what happened? What did you say?”
He sighs dramatically. “Does it matter?”
I splash him a little. “I’m gonna hear about it no matter what. She’s my roommate. Just wanted to know from you before I see Lily later.”
“Told her I wasn’t interested,” he says quietly, splashing me back a little.
I pause. “Why? You always had a massive crush on her.”
“Not in like a year,” he says.
“So you just rejected her?”
“I didn’t reject her,” he furrows his brows, looking away from me. “She told me she liked me, and I just told her I wasn’t into her like that. She didn’t ask me a question, so it wasn’t a rejection. Just being honest.”
I groan. “Jamie, she’s going to kill me. I’m the one who encouraged her to tell you.”
His eyes widened. “Why the hell would you do that?”
“I thought you liked her!”
He pauses for a moment, then splashes me again, this time fully soaking me. I scoff a laugh, in shock as the water hits me. I glare at him, then splash him back just as hard. He starts going on the attack, practically throwing the water at me repeatedly.
“You absolute tosser,” I say, continuing to splash back, though I can’t help but laugh.
I start backing up as we both continue, now laughing and barely able to see with how rapid-fire we’re going. Eventually, I turn and start running for the shore as much as I can while being chest-deep in water. I squeal as I hear him closing in on me.
“No, no, no,” I laugh, getting closer and closer to safety.
“Should’ve thought about trying to run a little harder, love,” James says back, still giggling to himself.
He catches up to me when the water is finally below my hips, and grabs around the waist, pulling both of us backwards. The water goes over our heads for a moment, and I gasp out a laugh as we emerge again. He sits us up in the pond.
I turn in his arms, smacking him lightly on the chest. “You’re awful!”
“You love me,” he smiles brightly, still sitting on the ground in the shallow water. He pulls me in a little closer. “You’re just mad that I won.”
“Still can’t believe you said you didn’t like her,” I say, brushing some of his wet curls away from his eyes.
“Not gonna lie to the girl,” he shrugs, swatting away my hand.
“Still. I thought for sure you’d be excited.”
“Hm. I don’t know. Maybe a couple years ago, but not anymore.”
“At this point I’m convinced you’re driving girls away on purpose. When was the last time you dated someone?” I laugh.
He looks at me, mockingly offended. “Excuse me?”
“What?” I exclaim, still laughing. “Last girl I remember seeing you with was some Ravenclaw a few quidditch wins ago, and even then, you were just sucking face because you were drunk.”
He finally pushes me away from him, trying to hide a smile. I chuckle, gaining my bearings, and finally landing comfortably on my knees in the water a foot away from him.
“You wouldn’t be so offended if I were wrong,” I tease.
“Yeah? And when’s the last time you dated somebody?”
I scoff. “You scare off every boy who tries to ask me out.”
“Cause they’re all ridiculous,” he states, making a face. “Are you seriously telling me you wanted to go out with that Johnny kid from Hufflepuff?”
I smirk. “Touché. But still, it’s not my fault I’m not dating anyone. You, on the other hand…”
“What’s that supposed to me?” he quirks a brow.
“You’ve got all kinds of girls chasing after you. What’s your excuse?”
He pauses for a moment, then smirks. “Who else would waste all their time with you if I were too busy with some girl? You’d be all alone. I’m doing you a service by staying single.”
“Please. You and that ego, I swear,” I shake my head. “I have plenty of friends outside of you.”
“I’m the best one, though,” he says, a brow raised with a cocky smile.
I make a face, then splash him once more for good measure.
“That’s it,” he mumbles, tackling me.
I yell a little with a laugh as his arm wraps around my back and drops me onto the bank where the water was scarce. I keep my head propped up as much as I can, though the rest of me is still covered in a little bit of water. It doesn’t help that James is pressing me into the ground.
“Admit it. I am the single greatest person you’ve ever met.”
I laugh again. “In your dreams.”
“Not letting you up until you admit it.”
“Guess we’re stuck here forever, then,” I argue back.
“Guess so,” he says plainly, dropping his full weight on me. I groan, my breath getting squeezed from me. “Best to make myself comfortable, then.”
“You’re so heavy,” I whine.
He chuckles, just quietly observing me for a moment. I tilt my head in question as he doesn’t snark back. He swallows, a small smile still on his face, but a little bit of color now in his cheeks. My eyes widen a little bit.
“Jamie—”
He doesn’t give me a chance to get anything else out, his lips pressing to mine softly. I freeze, in shock at the sudden change of circumstance. My best friend is kissing me. He pulls away when he realizes I wasn’t kissing him back, his cheeks taking on a deeper shade.
“I’m sorry, I don’t…” he shakes his head, looking at me with his lips still parted. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
He gets off of me quickly, getting out of the pond and back to where we left our clothes. He casts a drying spell on himself and starts getting dressed. Meanwhile, I’m still in the water, feeling like I’m stuck. I swallow with a dry throat, turning to see him starting to pull on his pants. I finally get up, quickly moving towards him.
“Jamie—“
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that,” he shakes his head, not looking at me.
I let out a frustrated groan. “We have to talk about that, James.”
“Not right now. Just,” he sighs, looking at me quickly. He takes out his wand again, casting that same drying spell on me. “Get dressed. We don’t want to miss dinner.”
I stare at him for a moment as he continues putting his clothes on, then finally move to get mine on. We finish getting dressed in an uncomfortable silence, that kiss playing on repeat in my mind. Why would he do that?
I look at him when I’m done to see him staring at his shoes, his hands shoved in his pockets. I walk nearer to him, though he takes half a step back when he notices. I furrow my brow.
“Don’t start that.”
“Start what?” he asks, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.
“Pulling away from me,” I say, grabbing his arm and tugging him closer to me. “I don’t know what just happened, but I’m not going to lose you as a friend all because you—”
“I’m not pulling away from you,” he rolls his eyes. “I just— I don’t want to… I’m embarrassed. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You don’t need to be embarrassed.”
He scoffs. “Right, because there’s nothing embarrassing about trying to kiss your best friend while she looks at you like you’re crazy.”
I sigh. “I just didn’t know what was happening. You’ve never done anything like that before.”
He looks away, chewing at his lip. “Can we just forget about it? I really don’t… I didn’t mean to.”
I fall quiet for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts, but they’re all seeming to escape me. I let go of his arm, taking in a deep breath.
“You know I love you, right?” I ask.
He nods. “Yeah. I know.”
“Okay. Yeah, we can forget about it,” I nod. “You want to go get dinner, then? I heard a rumor they’ll have those apple tarts you like.”
He looks at me, smiling a little bit. “Yeah?”
I nod again, smiling back. “Would I lie?”
He chuckles a little, nodding towards the way we came into the woods. I start leading the way back out until we see the castle again. He catches up to me at that point.
“Sorry again,” he says quietly.
“About what?” I ask, raising a brow. “All I remember is us swimming around. Unless you’re apologizing for tackling me in the pond, in which case, you’re forgiven only if you get me some chocolate frogs next time we’re in Hogsmeade.”
He smiles a little. “Yeah. Promise I will.”
“Good,” I say, knocking into his shoulder a little.
He nudges me back. Of course. I go a little harder the next time I knock into him, until we’re both practically pushing one another over as we head towards the castle. He gives me a particularly hard shove, barely catching me by the arm before I actually fall to the ground. We’re out of breath from laughing when we finally get to the castle, feeling wonderfully back to normal by the time we reach the Great Hall.
We walk up to the marauders, taking our usual seat across from the three boys.
“Hey,” I greet.
“Where were you two for the past hour?” Sirius asks with a quirked brow.
I snort a laugh. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I would, considering we saw you wander off into the forest,” he says, leaning forward on his arms with a smirk.
I roll my eyes. “None of your business.”
“Always so secretive,” Remus says, stabbing a few potatoes on his fork before looking between us.
I glance at James who laughs as soon as we make eye contact. Though, I also catch another pair of eyes when I turn towards him, and wince a little. Lily looks at me with her brows furrowed from a little ways down the table. I shrug at her, unsure why she looks upset with me. She rolls her eyes, going back to her conversation with Dorcas. I sigh.
“Great. Now Lily’s mad at me because you had to go and turn her down,” I say to James.
Peter laughs. “He turned her down?”
“When did this happen?” Remus asks, looking much more curious now.
“You need to learn how to shut it,” James says to me, his voice a little high as he shakes his head.
“They would’ve found out anyways,” I say, barely feeling sorry at all.
I hold back from chuckling as James is pelted with questions from the boys, focusing more on my food and trying to ignore the occasional sour glance I get from Lily.
Though, I couldn’t escape her forever.
I walked into my room after a night of sitting around with the boys and Marlene in the common room. I thought I would be going to bed and falling asleep, but clearly it was wishful thinking. Lily stared at me from her bed as Marlene and I shut the door behind us.
I raised a brow. “Hi?”
Marlene looked between us, excusing herself to take a shower. The traitor.
“What the hell?” Lily said, crossing her arms.
“Yeah, what the hell? Why have you been giving me sour looks all day?”
She scoffed. “You told me to tell him, and you know what he did? Oh. Wait, of course you know. Because of course he already told you. Because of course—”
“Oh my god, Lily,” I roll my eyes, going to sit on my bed next to hers. “I’m sorry that I was wrong about how he’d react, but I had no clue. I thought he still had a thing for you.”
She huffs a sigh. “I should’ve known you were setting me up. What, do you like to see me embarrassed?”
“If I did, I would’ve gone along to watch it happen,” I say, annoyed at her attitude. “Sorry I was wrong, but I didn’t know. And you said you wanted to tell him, anyways.”
“You don’t seem to be that sorry considering you were back to hanging around him again all day.”
“He’s my best friend, Lily. I’m not going to ditch him because he didn’t have feelings for you,” I say, shaking my head.
She stands up suddenly. “Well, maybe you should. Maybe if you weren’t like… In love with him, you’d be a better friend to me.”
I stare at her in annoyance. “You need to get a grip. I wouldn’t have encouraged you to try telling him if I was ‘in love’ with him. We’re friends. You’re being insane.”
“Well, clearly he at least has feelings for you!”
I furrow my brow. “Excuse me?”
“Why else would he reject me?”
I laugh against my better judgement. “Are you serious? One boy doesn’t like you, so it just has to be because he’s in love with someone else? Lily, I love you, but that is the most egotistical thing you’ve ever said.”
“But you’re not denying it.”
“James isn’t in love with me. Have you considered that he just doesn’t like you anymore? It happens. People move on,” I say, sighing. “Just… Go to bed, Lily. This is a ridiculous and pointless argument.”
I lay back on my bed, closing my eyes while I wait to get into the bathroom. I hear Lily mutter something under her breath, but choose to ignore it. The more she got angry with me, the less I cared that she got her feelings hurt. I didn’t want to be unsympathetic, but it was getting hard to be concerned when I was blamed for a boy not liking her. Obviously James didn’t like me.
Obviously.
I think.
He did kiss me.
I open my eyes, staring at the ceiling for a moment. James didn’t like me, did he? He’d never shown interest in me before. That kiss probably just happened because he was confused. He wanted to forget about it, anyways, so clearly that had to mean he didn’t mean it. And I didn’t feel that way about him anyways, so it didn’t matter.
Except, I did feel my heart pound a little differently when he looked at me before the kiss.
I didn’t hate the way his lips felt.
Seeing him smile at me on the walk back did give me a few butterflies.
But, no. That’s nothing. He’s my best friend, I wouldn’t suddenly start feeling that way about him. I couldn’t. It’d be ridiculous.
It’s not like I’d spend the rest of the night thinking about him. Except that I did. A lot.
I woke up the next morning, feeling like I was going insane. I’d never felt that way about him before. Of course, I always though he was attractive. How could anybody look at him and not think he was gorgeous? But there was never anything more besides friendship. So why could I not stop thinking about him?
My eyes feel heavy as I sit in my last class of the day, James trying repeatedly to mess with me throughout the class. With five minutes left, he leans in closer. Since when did he start smelling so good?
“Hey,” he says quietly, drawing my attention. “What’s wrong? You’re not getting mad at me.”
“Just tired, Jamie,” I shrug, staring at the notes on the chalkboard that I haven’t copied down.
“That’s a lie. I can tell.”
I sigh. “Have you ever… Has anyone ever told you something about yourself that you thought wasn’t true, and then… And then you realize they might be right?”
He furrows his brows. “How do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Like, let’s say someone tells you that you like strawberries, when you’ve never liked strawberries. But then you think about every time you’ve had a strawberry, and you realize that you actually really did like strawberries. A lot more than you thought you did. Like… you realize strawberries are your favorite fruit.”
He stares with a confused look, tilting his head. He reaches up, pressing the back of his hand to my forehead.
“Are you feeling alright?”
I lean away from him, rolling my eyes. “Cut it out.”
He smiles, nudging me slightly. “Can’t say I’ve had that experience, no.”
I groan. “This sucks.”
“Why can’t you just tell me what actually happened?” he asks. He pouts. “Please?”
I smile at him, trying hard to be annoyed, but finding it difficult. *God, I’m in trouble.*
“I just can’t. It’s… private.”
“You never keep secrets from me.”
“I don’t even know what secret I’m keeping just yet,” I sigh, resting my chin in my hand. “I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“Aw,” he coos. “You say that like you aren’t already.”
I push him, laughing softly, though we both straighten up when the professor reprimands us. We give a quick apology, still smirking at each other the next time we catch one another’s eye.
The next days pass by in a blur as I come to terms with what I’ve been feeling. It doesn’t help that I couldn’t talk to anyone, especially since Lily was still mad at me. Now, though, I couldn’t blame her as much. She somehow realized I was into him before I did.
“Hey,” Remus says, coming up to me as I sit in the common room. “It’s late. Why are you still here?”
“Why are you?”
He shrugs, sitting next to me. “Can’t sleep. Moon’s coming in a couple days.”
I hum in acknowledgement. “Gotcha.”
He settles into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks sideways at me as I stare into the fire.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Cause I can’t tell anybody.”
He scoffs. “That’s ridiculous. You’ve been off for days. James keeps complaining about how you’re not spending time with him as much.”
I shake my head, not responding.
“You need to talk to someone about this.”
“Can’t.”
“Bullshit.”
I look at him. “Seriously. I can’t talk to Jamie about it, Lily’s still mad at me, and Marls and Dorcas are too gossipy.”
“You can talk to me,” he shrugs.
“You wouldn’t get it, though.”
“Try me.”
I let out a breath. “You have to promise this stays a secret.”
He nods. “Promise.”
“Okay,” I say under my breath. “Okay. So, um, Lily got really mad at me the other day because of the whole…. Confession thing. And I didn’t understand why, and she started accusing me of things, and obviously I disagreed… But then something she said kind of stuck with me.”
“She’s just mad. Don’t listen to her,” Remus says, shaking his head. “You know how she gets when she’s in one of those moods.”
“But I think she was kind of right,” I sigh. “That’s the problem. She thinks… She told me she thought I was into James. And not like friends, like really into him.”
Remus’s eyes widen a little. “And… are you?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for the past week, and… I think I might be.”
“Whoa. I know we always tease you two for how close you are, but I never thought you…”
“I know,” I groan, my face in my hands. “And I know I haven’t been hanging out with him as much as usual because of it, but I don’t know what to do. How do you tell your best friend that you suddenly realized you’re in love with him?”
He doesn’t answer, just reaches over and gives me a hug. I accept it, sighing a little.
Our next week goes over just like that. I don’t avoid James by any means, but I try not to always be alone with him. I do find more opportunities to talk with Remus about it all, though, and it helps. Just to have someone to listen to me as I complain about my feelings. I do the same for him when he has troubles, though mine seem silly in comparison. He always tells me not to compare, though.
Unfortunately, though, as much as those chats help me process my feelings, they don’t help me get over those feelings at all. If anything, they only grow the more I think about James.
It’s super annoying.
Even more annoying is Lily’s smug look when I tell her about my feelings for James. I expected her to be mad at me, but she did something worse: she laughed at me.
“I knew it!”
“How? I didn’t know!”
“Because you are so obvious,” she shakes her head.
I scoff. “I’m clearly not that obvious or else you wouldn’t have told me you had a crush on him.”
“Alright. Fair enough,” she quirks a brow. “But still.”
I roll my eyes, walking over to hug her.
“Sorry about that. If I knew I had a crush on him I wouldn’t have told you to go for him.”
“Sorry back,” she says. “Shouldn’t have gotten mad at you that he told me no.”
“I agree,” I laugh.
She whacks me in the arm, laughing back.
I try to go about my life as usual over the next couple of weeks. There’s no sense in making myself miserable or drawing attention to my small shift in behavior. I find myself still doing most of the same things I always did. Just a bit more carefully.
I sit with the boys at dinner, laughing at their stupid jokes and the plans they have for pranks. I finish my food, pushing the plate away from me, and listening in on a conversation being had between Sirius, Remus, and Peter.
“You know, those three plan on being out all night,” James says quietly, leaning close to me as he watches the three boys talk.
I raise a brow. “Yeah? Doing what?”
“They wanted to just be out of the castle for the night. Think Sirius and Remus are going to the shrieking shack, and Peter is sneaking out to go meet up with some other friends in Hogsmeade, I guess.”
“And you aren’t running off?”
He shakes his head. “Told them I’d stay behind. Thought me and you could have a sleepover. Like old times.”
I chuckle. “It has been a while.”
“I think close to a year. They’re always in my space,” he says, feigning annoyance. “But it’ll just be us tonight, if you want.”
I push down whatever feeling rises in my chest at that and agree, despite my better judgement.
He pulls me into his room that night, immediately going to the foot of his bed, looking at me like he’s about to change my life.
“I brought something a little… fun,” he smiles, opening up his trunk to show me his secret stash of drinks. “Thought we might finally crack it open.”
I laugh. “And you didn’t think to tell me sooner?”
“Hey, we’ve had plenty at the Gryffindor events,” he smiles. “This is just for us. Our secret.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I’m the greatest.”
We find ourselves on his floor after a few drinks, feeling fuzzy and happy. We talk about nothing for hours, occasionally passing a bottle between us.
“Maybe we should do this more often,” he says, smiling up at the ceiling. “I miss spending time with you like this.”
“We’re always together.”
“You spend a lot of time with Moony lately. Not fair, I want you all to myself,” he chuckles, poking my side.
I laugh, poking him back. “I’m still all yours. Love Moony so much, but you’re still my favorite I think. Now, if Sirius decided to start hanging around me more, then you’d be in trouble.”
He giggles, his cheeks rosy. I watch him carefully, feeling warm in the face myself, but for a different reason.
“You have a really cute laugh,” I say before I can think about it.
He looks at me with a smile, his tongue poking out between his teeth. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“You’ve never told me that before.”
I shrug. “I should’ve.”
He stares back at me for a moment, giving me a little silly smile. He leans over me, propping himself up with his forehead next to my head. He leans down, much like he did that day we went swimming. But this time I kiss him back. My hand finds his cheek, holding him gently as I let him work his lips against mine. I can’t deny the warmth that spreads over me or the butterflies I feel this time.
This time it lasts for a few minutes, neither of us bothering to pull away. Whether that’s because he actually likes it or because we’re both drunk and don’t know any better, I don’t know. I also don’t care.
He finally pulls away after a little while, still giving me that smile as if he didn’t just take all the air in my lungs away from me.
“We can pretend that one didn’t happen, either,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.
I nod, unsure what to say. I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen, but I couldn’t tell him that without outing myself. I settle for the way his hand mindlessly reaches for mine as we go back into conversation like nothing ever interrupted us in the first place. Eventually, we move to his bed, preferring the softness of the mattress and pillows over the hard ground.
“Can I ask why you’ve been spending all your time with Remus?” he asks during a lull in the conversation, playing with my fingers as he does.
“Just became better friends recently, I guess,” I say, glancing at him. I admire his face for a moment before snapping out of it. “Some stuff I can talk to him about that I haven’t been able to tell anyone else. It’s been nice to have someone to listen.”
“I could do that for you. You didn’t have to go to him.”
“Not this time, Jamie. It’s… different.”
“How?”
“It just is,” I sigh. “I’ve had too much to drink for us to be having this conversation, James.”
He whines. “Please? I just want to know.”
“No. Maybe I’ll tell you someday, but not now.”
He grumbles, turning over and resting his head on my chest. His arm rests over my stomach. I just hope and pray he doesn’t feel how hard my heart starts beating when he does.
“Play with my hair?” he asks, his voice a little muffled.
“Okay,” I reply softly, running my fingers through his messy hair. “This okay?”
He nods a little. “Mhm. Thanks.”
We don’t wake up until the next morning, still stuck in that same position.
I find myself with Remus again the following night. I sit on a chair, and he lounges on the couch, trying not to judge me for putting myself in that situation. I don’t tell him about the kiss, but he hears about everything else.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he says after a beat of silence when I finish explaining. “You either need to tell him, or put some distance between you.”
“I tried that today.”
“I know,” he rolls his eyes. “It’s all James could talk about. Complaining the whole day that you weren’t eating with us or not going to the library when we were.”
“See? I feel like nothing I do is right in this situation,” I say, feeling defeated. “Like, how am I supposed to keep spending time with him like everything’s normal when I’m practically floating every time he so much as looks at me. It’s pathetic. And I can’t just ignore him, cause then he goes and bugs you all.”
“Maybe you just need to—”
“Hey,” James’s voice calls from behind us.
I look at him, noticing the annoyed look on his face. It doesn’t seem like he’s overheard us, but I can’t tell why he looks so irritated. Usually he’d be annoyed if I didn’t bother with them all day, but he looks… mad. I quirk a brow.
“Hey,” I say, confused.
He doesn’t reply, looking a little upset and a little lost. I turn back to Remus after a moment of silence, our conversation effectively being cut short. I stand up quickly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say to Remus, starting to walk past James in order to get to my room.
“What’s going on?” James asks, grabbing my upper arm.
I turn around quickly. “What?”
He clenches his jaw, then looks at Remus. “Moony, we need a minute.”
Remus goes to argue, but drops it quickly when he sees James looking more serious than he ever has. He gets up, giving me a sympathetic look before he heads towards the boys’ dorms. I glare at James as he hasn’t let go of my arm yet.
“Why did you do that?”
“Why are you with him again?”
I scoff. “You mean our friend? Did you ever think maybe we were talking?”
“That’s the problem,” he says, dropping my arm.
“How is that a problem? I’m going through something and he’s just trying to help—”
He sighs harshly, looking around like he’s lost. He looks back at me with his brows furrowed.
“I don’t get it,” he says, practically whining. “You never keep things from me, and now you’re telling Moony all of your secrets and ditching me for him and… And I don’t understand it. We’re supposed to be best friends.”
“We are, Jamie, there’s just some things that I can’t—”
“Why not?” he swallows, tears starting to prick his eyes. “Why can’t you tell me? You never do this. We tell each other everything.”
I freeze for a moment, my mouth drying up as I look at him. I want to reach out for him and hold him and make him feel better. But I also want answers, because it’s his fault that everything got screwed up. He didn’t have to reject Lily. He didn’t have to kiss me when we were swimming. He didn’t have to do it again on his bedroom floor. He didn’t have to treat me like I was the most important person in his life.
“Then tell me why you kissed me,” I blurt out.
He shakes his head a little. “I don’t know.”
“Then figure it out! You don’t just get to kiss me and then act like you just did it for no reason.”
His chest heaved from his breathing, staring at me. His cheeks tinged pink again as he took a moment.
“I—I just wanted to. I don’t know. You were there and you were looking at me like that and you just…” he huffed a sigh. “I just wanted to kiss you.”
“Why?” I asked, frustrated.
“Because,” he said back, his tone matching mine. “Because I always want to kiss you and I slipped up and did it one time—”
“You did it twice!”
“Okay! Two times,” he exclaims. “We promised we would just forget about it.”
“And what exactly is that even supposed to mean?”
“You’re so fucking oblivious,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes. “God, what do I have to do to make you understand that I’m—”
I wait as he stops talking. “That you’re what?”
“I’m in love with you. I have been forever, and you’ve never cared,” he says, letting out a shuddering breath. “And now you’re spending all of your time with Remus. And it’s so embarrassing that I’m sat here hopelessly in love with my best friend of over ten years while she’s running around with another one of our friends.”
“Running around with him? We sit in the common room and talk because you’re fucking infuriating!”
“Oh, so you’re gossiping about me?” he asks, voice raising as mine does once again.
“Not gossiping, just—”
“Just what?”
“I’m in love with you, too, you fucking tosser!”
He looks angry for a few moments, then it switches to confusion, then shock, and possibly the five stages of grief before he finally lands on raised brows and an open mouth.
“You what?” he exclaims.
“You’re so annoying,” I say, groaning. “Yeah, Lily had to go and tell me I was in love with you, and she always has to be fucking right about everything, doesn’t she?”
“Are you listening to yourself right now?” he asks incredulously, furrowing his brows. “You just told me you loved me.”
“I’m aware, James,” I say, crossing my arms.
“Well… Did you mean it?”
“Obviously,” I say, shaking my head at him like it was a dumb question.
“You’re so dumb,” he says under his breath.
Before I can say anything else, he’s moving forward, his hands on my cheeks as he crashes his lips into mine. I melt into him, this kiss being way more passionate than the one we shared the night before. I hold onto his waist, letting him deepen the kiss, though it only lasts for a minute or two after that.
He pulls away. “You’re infuriating. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“You didn’t tell me anything, either!”
“I kissed you twice!”
I roll my eyes. “That doesn’t count. You said we should forget about both times.”
“Only cause I thought that’s what you’d want,” he defends, making an annoyed face.
I try to be angry, but it’s a difficult task. I reach up, running a thumb over his furrowed eyebrows.
“So grumpy,” I mutter. “Just told you I was in love with you. You’d think you’d at least try to be happy.”
He scoffs a laugh, pulling me into a hug, his face buried in my neck.
“I’ve never been happier.”
We hear footsteps coming down a few minutes later.
“You owe me ten galleons,” Sirius’s voice says.
I look over James’s shoulder as he keeps holding onto me, not caring that our friends are right there.
“You were betting on us?” I ask.
Sirius nods with a smirk. “And Peter just lost. He thought you’d take until the end of the year to get together. I said it’d be in this term.”
“I didn’t bet,” Remus says from behind Sirius, holding his hands up in surrender with a small smile. “Glad you worked it out, though.”
I smile at them, shaking my head and turning my attention back on James again. He looks at me finally.
“I’m glad, too,” he says quietly. “Think I might’ve combusted if I had to keep pretending I didn’t want you like that.”
“Didn’t do a great job at covering for it, though. Still kissed me twice.”
“You say like you didn’t love it,” he smirks with a wink.
————-> SMUT STARTS HERE. 18+ <-————
James finally pulls away, taking my hand in his.
“Good, now that you’re all out the room, if you’ll excuse us…” he says, pulling me past the boys who all groan in disgust.
I giggle as he practically runs to his room with my hand in his, kissing me the second the door is shut and locked. I smile into the kiss, my arms around his neck. He starts kissing my cheek and jaw after a few minutes.
“Hope you’ve been feeling the tension as much as I have, cause I could probably cum in my pants right now if you asked me to,” he says casually, as if it wouldn’t send a wave of arousal down my body.
“Oh my…” I trail off as he bites at my neck softly. “Are we gonna…?”
He pauses, his eyes wide. “Oh. I probably should’ve asked before I assumed, huh?”
He winces a little at his own excitement, cheeks tinged pink.
“Sorry.”
I smile softly. “That’s okay. I— I want to, I just didn’t know if that’s what the plan was.”
He smiles again brightly, kissing me once more. He giggled against my lips, then starts backing me towards the bed.
“I really do love you. Kind of embarrassing, really. I think I have forever,” he says softly, laying me down on the mattress and crawling over me.
I let out a soft breath. “Embarrassing for me, I think. I didn’t even realize until someone else told me I did.”
He laughs again, starting to kiss down my neck.
“I kind of always wanted you to be my first time, to be honest,” he says against my skin.
I pause, realizing what’s really happening. “Oh. Oh my god.”
“What?” he asks, leaning up to start unbuttoning my shirt.
“Wait, have you never… You haven’t done this either, have you?”
“Not all the way,” he shakes his head, then looks at me with wide eyes. “Is that okay?”
“That’s okay. I haven’t either. Just… You know. I’ve done some hand stuff but that was it.”
He looks at me again, then starts laughing a little. I find myself laughing right back as reality sets in for both of us.
“We’re gonna take each others virginity,” I say, still laughing a little. “Oh my god.”
He snorts a laugh. “Didn’t wake up this morning thinking this would happen, that’s for certain.”
I smile. “I love you.”
“I love you more,” he teases, dropping a kiss on the tip of my nose.
I watch as he finishes taking off my shirt, getting up just enough to help him pull it and my camisole off completely. He sits back on his knees, staring at me for a moment.
“You alright, Jamie?”
He nods. “Doing great, love.”
He starts taking off his own shirt, then. As many times as I’d seen his arms and chest, you’d think I wouldn’t still feel amazed seeing him in just his trousers… But I couldn’t stop staring, either. He leaned back in, kissing me again. I let my hands run over his arms and back, having free reign to do so and enjoying it. He nipped at my lip, a little noise leaving me and making him smile against my lips. I do the same to him, both of us ending up grinning at each other again.
“This is nice,” I say quietly. “Doing this with you, it’s nice. I like that we don’t feel like we have to act… sexy.”
“Well, that because it’s never an act for me, love,” he winks with a smirk.
I pull him back down with a giggle, though the smile is wiped from my face when he rolls his hips into mine. Feeling him hard for me for the first time leaves me a little breathless, especially when he’s grinding into me. I small groan leaves me when he does it again.
“Like it when you do that,” he says into my ear, doing it again just to get another reaction out of me. “I like those little sounds you make. So pretty.”
I find myself breathing heavily, my hands squeezing between our bodies to start unbuckling his belt. He gets the hint and sits up, pulling it off himself.
“Get out of those, yeah?” he says, nodding at my bottoms as he works himself out of his.
I comply immediately, shimmying out of my trousers and tossing them onto the ground. He gets back on top of me as soon as we’re both one layers closer to what we really want. I let my hand slide into his underwear as he stars kissing at my neck again, letting out a shuddering breath when I finally feel him. He whimpers into my neck as I start stroking him, rutting his hips into my hand.
“Feel so good, love,” he says, voice whiny and desperate.
I groan back, especially as one of his hands slides under the band of my panties to slip a finger into me. I feel myself growing hotter, kissing him and swallowing the moans he lets out as my hand keeps working him over.
“Shit, Jamie,” I moan as he adds a second finger.
“Good for you?” he breathes out.
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Yes. Very.”
I whine as he gets me closer to the edge, his hips doing all the work as my hand stopped moving up and down his length. He adds pressure to my clit with his thumb, sending me careening over the edge with praises and his name on my lips.
He pulls his hand away from me suddenly.
“Can’t wait any longer, love,” he says, voice wrecked.
He slides my panties off my legs as I take my bra off. Then, I watch with wide eyes as he pulls his underwear off, his cock bigger than I was expecting by far. I knew he felt big, but seeing him was entirely different.
“Fuck,” I say, staring at him. “Don’t know if I can take that, Jamie.”
“Yeah, you can, love,” he nods, settling between my legs and kissing me softly. “You can take it, baby.”
He pushes himself up just enough for both of us to see him rubbing his head through my slick before prodding at my entrance. He starts pushing in slowly. I let out a loud groan, my eyes shutting.
“Shh, just relax, love,” he says, lips hovering over mine. “You’re doing so good. Taking it so well, baby.”
He whimpers against my lips as he keeps pushing in slowly.
“So big, Jamie,” I moan, watching him disappear inside of me.
“I know, baby,” he says, a few more little noises spilling from his mouth. “I know, but you’re being so good. My good girl.”
He bottoms out, both of us panting and holding onto each other as I adjust to the new feeling. It hurts a little, but not in a bad way. Especially when he starts moving. That bit of pain makes way for a lot of pleasure once he starts rocking into me at a steady pace, whining and moaning into my ear.
“S’good, Jamie. You feel so good,” I say, trying to catch my breath.
“So good for me, baby. Squeezing me nice,” he whines, pinning me down under the weight of his body. “Good girl. So proud of you taking me so well.”
“Gonna cum again,” I say, feeling it building in my stomach again.
“Me too, baby. Just a little more,” he says, pressing his face into my neck again. “Don’t want to be done so soon, but you feel so perfect. You’re so good for me.”
I moan at his ramblings of praise, his words only causing me to get closer to that peak again. I hold onto him tightly, my body wrapped around his as he fucks into me like we’d done it a million times before. I speak his name over and over and over again as I crash down, my eyes rolling back from the intensity of the orgasm, and the fact that he doesn’t stop fucking me through it.
Though, near the end of my peak, he moans out a hundred more praises, my name falling from his lips as I feel him fill me up with his cum. He whimpers again against my skin as he finishes, not stopping the movement of his hips until he’s visibility overstimulated.
We breathe heavily, holding onto one another tightly as we come down from our highs, his hair sticking to his forehead as he leans in to kiss me softly again.
“Holy shit,” he whispers. “You’re perfect.”
I breathe out, a small smile on my face. “You… Yeah. Oh my god. I thought the first time was supposed to be bad.”
“It was perfect for me. But I barely lasted, it couldn’t have been that great for you,” he says, looking a little disappointed that he might not have done a good job for me.
I shake my head. “You still made me come harder than I ever have. You were incredible, Jamie. I mean it.”
He smiles softly. “I’m gonna have to kick them out of here more often. I might be addicted now.”
“And we have more things to try,” I add. “Can’t let this happen only once a week or something. Too much to figure out, I think.”
He giggles again. “Like what?”
“I’d really like you in my mouth next time.”
His smile drops. He starts nodding quickly. “Yes. Yeah, I’ll kick them out at two in the morning if you ask. Whatever you want.”
I laugh, pulling him into another kiss.
“Now, we have to figure out that contraceptive spell, or else we might be in some trouble,” I say with a smile.
“Sorry about that,” he smirks, clearly not sorry. “I’m sure Sirius knows it.”
“Please. As if he isn’t fucking Remus whenever those two run off to the shrieking shack.”
James’s eyes widen. “What?”
I snort a laugh.
“And you called me the oblivious one.”
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JAMES POTTER | LIKE LOVERS DO
REQUEST : hiiiii :) if/when u can, smith like this with james or remus lupin? @bobs-fav-cat
(art is by gyung_studio on instagram)
SUM : you and James Potter are just friends —friends that act like they’re in a loving relationship.
TAGS. : modern au ; muggle au ; idiots in love ; james loves giving you princess treatment ; and you love returning his affections ; just friends being friends ; hehehe~ ; they’re in denial ; domestic fluff ; selfcare session ; biker james? ; james being a sweetheart ; reader being absolute wifey material! ; james and reader being so in love it’s sickening ; the type of sickening that makes you puke rainbows, glitter and love hearts ; mutual pinning! ; slightly based off a tiktok i saw once ; happy ending where they get together ; so much fluff ; scheming gremlin friends ; lily, dorcas and marlene as cupids for reader ; remus, sirius and peter as cupids for james ; idiots in love
LENGTH : 3.6k
“They should wear a sign,” Peter laughs as he and his close friends eye the pair of oblivious idiots across the room, “one that says ‘we’re actually together no matter how much we deny it’,”
“You said it,” Sirius raises a hand and the two high-five each other before sniggering between themselves.
Across the hall stood you and James. It was a networking event disguised as a formal company party. And even though you and James weren’t each other’s dates to the event, James wore a matching tie to your chosen dress. The two of you unanimously decided to go with the excuse that you had both gone shopping for an outfit together and unconsciously bought matching things. It was only natural because you two were such good, close friends.
From a distance, the three watch as you lift your left foot up through the high side-slit of your dress and draw attention to your unbuckled heel with a frown. James’ hazel eyes focuses onto your heel as well and immediately places his flute of champagne on a nearby table to help you, as if it was second nature to him; it is second nature to him— taking care of you. He’s kneeling down and re-buckling your heel for you as your hand tentatively places itself on his broad shoulder for balance.
Once James is finished, he stands back up with a grin, takes up his flute with one hand and wraps his other around your waist to pull you into his side with a smile. Neither of you flinch at the closeness, in fact, you snuggle further into your best friend’s side and tuck your head under his chin so he can place a kiss onto the crown of your head.
“Wanna bet on who folds first?” Remus speaks up with a devious smirk, Sirius and Peter eagerly voicing their predictions and placing their bets.
“Oh Jamie!” you gasp and smile widely as your best friend presents you with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, “They’re beautiful,” he helps the floral arrangement into your arms with a satisfied grin, a fondness in his eyes as he watches you savour the scent of the pretty blossoms.
“My pleasure, my dear,” he regales dramatically as you giggle, “I passed by the florist on my way back from lunch at the pub with the boys and thought you’d like them,”
“I do like them,” you lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, “you’re so thoughtful, thank you for thinking of me, James,”
His warm smile softens further and he kisses your temple lovingly, “of course,” aside from the lingering scent of your shampoo and conditioner, James picks up on something more appetising, “what’s that delicious smell, angel?”
“Oh!” reminded of your earlier activities, you lead him into your kitchen where you proceed to find a vase for the arrangement in your arms, “I was baking—”
“Treacle tart!” James cheers and does a goofy little dance in the middle of your kitchen, his excitement obvious.
“It’s almost done so you popped in at just the right time,” you giggle softly whilst transferring the arrangement into your chosen vase. With a pleased hum, James presses up behind you and places his large hands on the curve of your hips, his thumbs tenderly stroking up and down until he eventually pushes the hem of your shirt up, caressing your soft skin beneath.
“Mmmmm… lucky me,” he whispers happily into your shoulder, where he begins trailing kisses up your neck. His words send a shiver up your spine and you resist the escalating urge to turn in his arms and lead his lips to cover and press against your own.
You’re just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
James can’t get over how cute you are.
Even when you’re doing the most mundane things, he can’t help but find you adorable. Like right now. Even with a bright green clay mask on your face, you are adorable, perched on his lap with your knees on either side of his thighs as you spread the same treen mask over his skin.
“Stop moving, Jamie!” you chastise gently whilst stifling a giggle.
“You stop moving,” he counters playfully and emphasises his words by placing his big hands on your hips and squeezing your curves briefly. Your only response is to laugh and do your best to continue applying an even coat onto his face.
“….there!” you huff and set aside your tool to close the clay mask tub, “all done, no thanks to you!” He tickles your sides in retaliation as you climb off his lap and reach for your phone in order to set a timer. His antics were a brief distraction as you bless him with your tinkling giggles.
“For how long do we keep this on?”
“15 minutes,”
He pulls a face, one that makes him look like a duck as he ponders over his thoughts. He looks so ridiculous, especially with the green mask on his face — it was only naturally for you to burst out laughing, “what should we do until then?”
“Stop talking,”
“Wha—?!”
“Not like that, Jamie,” you coo as he pouts dramatically, “we have to stop talking soon or else the mask will crack too much as it dries,” he makes a long noise of realisation at your words and nods obediently, zipping his lips before throwing away the imaginary key.
No matter what he does, he’s always making you laugh. You’re sure that, even if you’re temporarily banning him from speaking, he would still be able to make you laugh and your clay mask will end up looking like a dried up riverbed.
You have no complaints, though.
You weren’t expecting it but you still weren’t too surprised when you see James waiting for you outside — just in time to pick you up after a night out with your close girl friends. He was wearing one of your favourite sweaters of all time, it was soft and big (big enough to make him appear deceivingly smaller than you know his figure is) and is the warmest thing you’ve ever worn.
“James!” you call out, happy to see him. The build up of fatigue from the whole night melts off your aching limbs like powdered snow under golden sunbeams. Running to him, he greets you with his heart-stopping smiles.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers as soon as he has his arms wrapped around you.
“Stop it,” you sigh into his shoulder, your face buried into the soft fabric of his sweater, “I look a mess after tonight,”
He pulls away, enough to meet your eyes and examine your face without having to remove his arms from around you, “If this is you looking a ‘mess’, then I wonder what type of beauty you were earlier tonight,”
His comment makes your heart soar but you don’t let it show on your face, even when he wiggles his eyebrows comically to emphasise his flattering remark. Instead, you narrow your eyes at him before slipping out of his arms and biting your lip at the confused, pitiful whine he lets out. You don’t leave him miserable for long, however, as you’re quickly reaching down to lift up his sweater so that you could pull it over your head and burrow yourself inside. Like the living furnace he is, you’re greeted by such a comforting heat, you forget that you’re both still outside in the wet cold of the night.
Throwing his head back, James laughs and wraps you up in his arms again, laying his cheek against the top of your head through his sweater. The first time you ever did this, he wasn’t shy about saying how much he loved it. And now, you’ve made it a tradition to do this often during the autumn and winter months. Admittedly, you loved cuddling him like this too; it’s more intimate and you love being surrounded by his warmth. It was a bonus that his scent literally has you in a choke hold under there. You’d happily suffocate on the smell of his cologne, laundry detergent and natural smell. But it also feels as though you’re falling into a trance by some alluringly scented spirit.
“As much as I love holding you like this, dear, I’m still on a mission to get you home safe so…” he looks down at you, hazel eyes turning soft at the adorable sight of you cuddled up to him under his sweater, “can my princess please let me help her into my car and drive her back home safely?”
You didn’t respond, only pouted and whined to express your dislike of pulling away from him as well as the warmth of his soft sweater. James knew instantly what to do. You two were best friends after all; it was a requirement for him to know all your needs telepathically. It was an awkward shuffling of limbs but James managed to slip off his sweater without needing to lift it off your figure and hoists you into his arms before you could start grumbling at the loss of his embrace.
“Not long now — my princess will arrive at her carriage soon~” he sings in a whisper beside your ear, smiling fondly at your soft giggles and adoring the way you wrap your arms around his neck to cuddle him close before needing to pull away so he can carefully sit in his car’s passenger seat.
“Oh, come on!” Marlene gives an exasperated sigh as you examine the array of snacks laid out before you. In your peripheral, you observe how Lily doesn’t make any moves to stop Marlene from pestering you; instead a small smirk tugs at the corners of her lips, secretly enjoying and wanting to take part in Marlene’s badgering.
“You come on,” you throw back with a light-hearted glare, “I thought we were going to buy snacks for movie night, not grill me on my friendship with James,”
“Friends, huh?” Dorcas arches a brow as Lily stifles a giggle beside her. All three were eyeing you mischievously as a heat flushes across your cheeks.
“Stop it you guys,”
“We’ll stop as soon as you stop playing the friendship game with James!” Lily bargains, unable to hold herself back anymore, and you try your hardest not to roll your eyes while your cheeks flood with a familiar warmth.
“We’re just friends,” it was a painful admission but you’d rather have what you have right now with James than ever risk sabotaging it.
Marlene examines a strand of her golden hair as Lily leans against her side, “James acts more of a boyfriend to you than just a friend,”
Dorcas speaks up with a hint of impishness, “and I can prove it~”
“How?” you challenge, raising your chin ever so slightly in silent provocation. But Dorcas has no reaction, she just continues to smirk at you.
“I’m gonna need your phone first,” you hesitate from the devilish sparkle in her eyes but eventually relent, cursing the weakness that was a result of your aching heart. Dorcas types away on your phone for a moment as Marlene and Lily peer over her shoulder and snicker at what they read. She doesn’t allow you to read the message she typed out before hitting send and handing your phone back
It takes a moment for you to get over your shock and look through the message she sent. It was sent straight to James, lovingly named as ‘My Idiot ❤️’ in your contacts, and it read: ‘James, this scary looking guy keeps following me around in the shop and it’s creeping me out! I can’t find the girls either 😰 what do I do?’. Your jaw drops and you can’t find any words to voice whatever it is you’re feeling; a mix of anger, upset, shock and creeping curiosity over what they have planned.
Not a minute goes by and your phone is getting rapid notifications from James messaging you, he even tries to call you but the girls snatch your phone away before you could answer. They shake their heads at you and you huff, crossing your arms. You would have protested more from the rising anxiety you feel over having to lie to James but you were so curious. In the end, you reluctantly accept their plotting and try to prepare yourself for what’s to come.
For a minute, the message notifications stop from your phone and Lily feels her phone buzz from inside her bag. The three giggle as Lily rushes to take out her phone. From the side lines, you continue observing everything with your heart pounding rapidly in your chest. Lily types back a response and all three look up at you in unison, their eyes swimming with mischief.
“I’m setting a stopwatch to see how long just-friend-Potter gets here,” Marlene snickers and you groan, Dorcas and Lily giggling on either side of her. As much as you love them, they’re such a nuisance sometimes…
You could only guess that Lily sent him her location and now all of you were left patiently waiting for James to appear.
Not even 15 minutes passes before James comes storming into view, tall and broad-shouldered, dressed in all black and without his glasses. Even without his glasses on, when James glances over and catches a glimpse of you, recognition crosses his unfriendly features and he storms over. Within seconds, he’s pulling you into a warm embrace.
“Oh thank god,” he breathes a sigh of relief and presses his face into your hair, “you’re okay… —are you okay?” you look up as he pulls away and searches for your eyes, squinting to be able to do so without the aid of his glasses.
“Y-yeah, I’m alright. The umm, the creep disappeared a little while ago,” you muster a small smile of reassurance, still uncomfortable with lying to him, before managing to softly ask your burning question, “why aren’t you wearing your glasses?” habitually, you feel about for the breast pocket of the leather jacket he has on and pull out his circular specs.
As you carefully clean his lenses on your shirt, he goes to explain, “I wanted to look scary so that creep leaves you alone,” you’re quick to realise that without his glasses he would be forced to squint so that it looks like he’s glaring. It also clicks in your head that he wore all black so he could look even more intimidating. It was unusual for him to wear just black, normally that was Sirius’ thing, but you’re not complaining; James looks really attractive dressed in black, his hair tousled around messily and without his glasses on.
“Thank you, Jamie,” he grins boyishly after you put his glasses back on for him, taking a moment to adjust them until they sit aligned and comfortable. By habit, you comb your fingers through his untamed hair and James, in turn, presses a kiss to your temple.
“I’m just glad you’re okay, princess,” your heart skips a beat at the nickname — he’s called you that so many times but he’s reserved it especially for you and it makes you feel so special, “do you want me to give you a ride home?” he lifts up the motorbike helmet in his hand, which you immediately recognise. Your curious eyes meet his hazel hues and he smiles bashfully, “I borrowed Sirius’ bike to get here quicker…” he shuffles around his feet, nervous under your gaze —he hate lying to you too, “okay okay… I took his bike without asking but I promise to give it back as soon as I get you home safe!”
You give a small giggle and wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face into his muscular chest. It’s an embrace that James eagerly returns, petting your hair whilst speaking over your head once he finally spots your three friends.
“Are you guys okay too?”
“Gee, thanks for the concern, Potter,” Marlene rolls her eyes as Lily and Dorcas crack up, “yeah, we’re good,”
“Good, good,” James immediately goes back to focus on holding you close and kissing the crown of your head, affectionate and sweet. You could always rely on him to be there for you no matter what and the thought made butterflies explode into a fluttering haze in your stomach.
Dorcas had proven her point.
It was clear now that James prioritised you over anyone else. And you didn’t know whether to be flustered and scream for joy or melt into a puddle of goo.
“She’s not my girlfriend so shut up,” James huffs and groans as he rolls over to lay on his stomach across the length of the sofa whilst Remus, Sirius and Peter sat in a scattered array about the living room.
“Says the motorbike thief,” Sirius hisses playfully, shooting a superficial glare at his long time best friend/non-blood-related brother.
“She really does act like your girlfriend more than your friend, Prongs,” Remus chimes up, setting his book aside as Peter offers him several cubes of chocolate.
“I don’t get why you two don’t just date each other,” it was Peter who speaks up this time and James can’t help but roll his eyes that even Peter was on his ass about this.
“That’s right! You don’t get it!” they wait for him to continue with a ‘so’ before demanding something but James just presses his burning hot face into a cushion and has a silent tantrum.
“I’ll prove you wrong!” Sirius claims boldly and when James looks over, his biker friend was rapidly typing away at his phone, “I’ll give it around 20 minutes until she gets here,”
James raises a brow, “Who?”
“Your not-girlfriend, of course!”
“What did you say?” Remus asks what they were all wanting the answer to.
“Oh nothing~ just that Jamesie-kins over here is really upset over something but doesn’t want to tell us why so we don’t know what to do to help him feel better,” Sirius fakes a pout and watery eyes as James gapes at him, horrified.
“HOW IS THAT GONNA PROVE ANYTHING?!”
“If she gets here in 20 minutes then that means she prioritises your hurt feelings over going to her favourite over-priced restaurant with Pandora,” James’ eyes nearly bulge out.
“That’s today?!”
Sirius’ devious smirk was answer enough.
“I say 10 minutes!” Peter bets.
“15!” Remus adds on.
Remus wins the bet when you get there 14 minutes after Sirius’ text message was sent. Your arms are piled up high with James’ favorite junk food snacks, ranging from sweet to savoury. Over your shoulders, you wear your fluffiest blanket (James’ favourite) as a cape and rush forward to drape it over him. No time was wasted as you silently move around their shared flat at lightening speed, putting on the TV and switching to his favourite, comfort show, laying out his snacks on the coffee table and putting the kettle on before snuggling down under the blanket with him. It was a tight fit for the two of you on the sofa but neither of you minded; you were both cuddle bugs and enjoyed the closeness.
“Get out, you three! Leave Jamie and I alone!” you speak for the first time to shoo the three boys away. They happily oblige, Remus smirking as Sirius and Peter cough up their betted amounts and close the living room door behind them.
For a long moment, you merely stay there, your arms wrapped around James’ shoulders, one hand lovingly petting his hair as your other presses his face into your chest. James wasn’t shy about voicing how this was his most comforting position for cuddles and it made his heart race that you had cancelled your long awaited plans just to console him.
“What’s wrong Jamie?” you finally ask, voice soft and slow with patience, “Sirius told me you weren’t feeling so well… but you’re not ill? Are you?” he feels you press the back of your hand against his forehead to check his temperature as he finally locks his strong arms around your midsection and pulls you even closer, “No you’re not, thank goodness,” he falls in love with the relief he hears in your voice. He loves falling in love with you over and over again; it’s so easy, “what can I do to help?”
He doesn’t know why he held back for so long. It was all so clear now. The fact that your eyes sparkled around him the way his did when he looked at you was so unbelieved before, he kinda just voluntarily blinded himself. But now, it was like he was seeing colours for the first time. James just can’t believe it took Sirius, of all people, to make him realise it. What a joke… he almost wants to laugh. But he can’t, not when his heart was ready to beat out of his chest for you.
“Jamie?”
“…a kiss…” it was a whisper but you heard him so clearly. And he knows because he heard your breath hitch.
“—what?”
“I want a kiss…to feel better,”
Not wanting to raise your hopes, you press a kiss to his forehead and your heart deafens your ears as it beats loudly against your eardrums.
“A proper kiss,” he raises his head and pulls up to level his lips with yours, his hazel eyes melting your gaze, “like lovers do,”
You’ve waited so long for this moment that you couldn’t even fathom that it was actually happening and your entire world slowed to a standstill. It wasn’t until James had pressed his full lips against yours that you felt your senses come to life with so much intensity that you felt like you wanted to faint. But you wouldn’t dare miss your first kiss for anything.
Like lovers do, you kissed. Like lovers do, you embraced. Like lovers do, you whispered sweet words, a life long promise, to one another, “I love you,”
A/N : this started off as a timestamp that i sneakily wrote this request into (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.゚ i didn’t know how to conclude it at first but i just kept writing and writing and now it’s finished haha! i hope you darlings enjoy the read! and i would also like to humbly tag my beloved moot @diputy for reasons she understands on a deep level (⸝⸝⸝• ω •⸝⸝⸝) ♡
TAGLIST : @melinajenkins @aastonishment @until-i-found-you @corp0real @celestcies @lovelydoveval @inlovewithremusjohnlupin @calums-betch @futurecorps3 @hihihi1112 @simpingforthe80s @yrluvjane @chaosofmanyfandoms @storyofaromance @loving-and-dreaming @somewereinthegalaxi @ashreblogsficshere @cassandra-nerezza-black @stray-bi-kids @ttkttt @notasadgirlipromise @desikudisworld @volturissideslut @arilxup88 @fallencrescentmoon @topaz125 @xxrougefangxx @starchaser-lily @probablypossesedbysatan @agent-tempest @ghostgardn @rosalyn-s @seungtelevision
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Wish, Hope, Dream
Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: You thought a night would be long enough to clear your head, but a bit of doubt lingers in your mind.
Word Count: Over 2.6k
Warnings: Slight angst, insecurities, longing, Natasha and Sharon being both good friends and devil's advocates, ongoing AU, feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning)
Previous Part of AU: We Don't Talk Anymore
A/N: More Dreamboat and Butterfly from my Reconnect AU! Sorry again in advance, lovelies. ❤️ Beta read by the wonderful @whisperlullaby , but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
You thought having answers would give you peace and allow you to rest before facing Bucky in the morning. Oh, how wrong you were. The tussle between your mind and heart didn’t stop, giving you one of the worst nights of sleep that you could remember in a long time. At least your pillow had dried from your tears.
And what was it that you were crying for? Relief that Bucky had feelings for you or were you mourning the lost time you could’ve had together had you two talked sooner? Perhaps both.
“Just get up,” you mumbled, willing yourself to get out of bed and lay out a random sundress to wear.
You wondered if anyone else was awake as you showered and brushed your teeth. Guilt crept in for skipping out on game night. Whatever transpired between you and Bucky, you couldn't let any of those feelings bleed into the rest of the time with your friends. You had to suck it up no matter the outcome.
Glancing down the hall as you left your room, your gaze lingered on Bucky’s door before your footsteps moved in that direction. You raised your hand to knock, wanting to check on him and make sure he got enough sleep. Part of you was tempted to sneak in and crawl into bed with him. Not even completely for sex, which you did not need to think about, but to have him hold you close and assure you that everything would be okay.
And to stop torturing yourself.
But you let your hand fall. You didn't want to assume that he wanted to see you first thing upon waking up. Assumptions and not communicating were what led you on this path to begin with. But you didn't want to smother him.
We can still figure it out together.
You crept downstairs, spotting a few empty bottles from the night before. The main floor was dark, minus the sunlight coming in through the windows and the kitchen. You stayed quiet when you saw Natasha and Sharon huddled together in a hushed conversation by the counter.
Which stopped the moment you walked into the room.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that they were talking about you. Not with the concerned look in Sharon’s eyes. Natasha, on the other hand, stared back at you in contemplation. At least it wasn't pity. You couldn't take that.
Did Bucky tell them? Or did they figure it out?
“Hey. Sorry for skipping game night,” you said, shifting on your feet as your gaze flickered between them. “Guess Steve and Sam aren't up yet?” You asked, purposely not mentioning Bucky.
“Don’t need to apologize,” Sharon said, concern continuing to show in her eyes. “I think they’re getting a run in.”
“Oh. Gotcha,” you said. Looking between them again, you hoped things wouldn't be this awkward for the rest of the week. “Am I interrupting? I can just grab breakfast when you two are done.”
“Not interrupting. Go sit in the living room,” Natasha urged, nodding toward the direction of the couch. “Look like you could use a pick-me-up.”
“Smoothie?” You guessed, glancing around at the array of fruit ready for blending.
“Oh, yeah. Better than coffee,” the redhead teased as she threw a few pieces into the blender with some ice, bringing a small smile to your face as you went back to the living room. She was a good friend.
All of them were.
“You okay?” Sharon asked, sitting beside you on the couch.
You hesitated for a moment. You adored them and always would. But when it came to Bucky, you feared everyone would always side with him over you. Your chest tightened at the thought that if things went south you’d get left behind.
And hadn't you been left behind once before?
“Yes and no,” you answered, not wanting to expand completely yet as Natasha walked in and handed you a glass, your hands gripping it tight. They didn't need to deal with your issues, did they? “Did Bucky talk to everyone? I’m guessing he said something since you two are looking at me like I'm going to break.”
“We don’t think you’re going to break, but you look on edge,” Natasha answered, taking a seat when you didn't disagree. “The guys talked to him a little bit. He wouldn't give them all the details, but we know you two had a long overdue chat.”
“And the way you bolted upstairs last night and how he looked like a kicked puppy, we guessed it didn't go well,” Sharon added, raising an eyebrow. “I think Nat wanted to kick his ass.”
“He looked like he kicked his own ass. Would've just been rubbing salt in an open wound if I did anything else,” she said with no trace of humor. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“It may help,” Sharon said.
Maybe.
With a deep breath, you told the girls what had happened. How you and Bucky admitted that you had feelings for each other, which neither of them appeared surprised by in the least, but that you walked away from him once the talk was over. How you wished you would’ve given him a chance then and there, but didn’t. It helped and hurt to tell them about it.
You hung your head by the time you finished, your throat tight. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, swallowing a little. “This is supposed to be a fun trip and I’m messing it up with my issues.”
Sharon rubbed your back as you took a sip of your smoothie. “Hey. You’re our friend. You didn't do anything wrong or mess anything up, okay? We all love Bucky, but he's an idiot.”
“Huge idiot. Don't know what you see in him,” Natasha winked as you scoffed. You would always try to see the good in him, even when you were upset. “But I have to say, I’m glad you two finally told each other how you feel.”
“Took you long enough,” the blonde teased halfheartedly. “Kind of hoped you would've said something before we showed up.”
Heat rushed to your cheeks. The gang ran late to the beach house on purpose. Of course, they did. The girls were perceptive. Always had been. “So, you knew.”
“Everyone knew, except for the two of you. What’s that trope?” Natasha questioned, her gaze directed at Sharon. “Idiots in love?”
“Oh, yeah,” she smiled. “You two are a walking romance novel, torturing yourselves for no good reason.”
“So, I'm an idiot then?” you said, narrowing your eyes when they both opened their mouths. “You know what? Don’t answer that.”
You beat yourself up enough.
“Like I said, I’m glad you told him and now you finally have confirmation that he feels the same way,” Natasha said, cocking an eyebrow. “What's the problem then?”
“What do you mean?” You replied.
“You said you took the night to think, but you don't exactly look like you're ready to move forward.”
“Because I don't know if I am,” you admitted.
You were overthinking the situation. You wanted to be with Bucky, but some of your wall was still up and you didn't know how to tear the rest of it down. Why was it so hard?
“Look, I'm not excusing what Bucky did because he's an idiot for going out with Dot instead of talking to you, but you know how he feels now,” Natasha began, diplomatic and level-headed like always. “Do you plan to keep him at a distance as a way to protect yourself? Or are you maybe punishing him just a little bit for seemingly abandoning you?”
Leave it to her to ask the tough questions.
“I'm not trying to punish him,” you promised. Both of you had punished yourselves enough. “I just don't want him to hurt me. I mean, I spent two years thinking he'd never want me, but he just didn't want to fight for me,” you said, tears brimming your eyes.
“Or maybe he thought he never stood a chance and settled,” Sharon said. “Which, again, he’s an idiot. Most guys are.”
“So, what are you saying? That I should just pretend the last two years didn't happen?” You asked.
“No,” they said in sync.
You huffed. Why were girls both direct and cryptic? “Then what are you saying?”
Natasha grabbed a tissue and handed it over when a tear slid down your cheek. “We’re saying that we think Bucky is genuinely sorry for his stupid assumption and wants you to be his girl. Start slow if you have to and set the ground rules. If it means him apologizing every day with his words and actions, he will. And we know if you gave him your heart, it would be the last thing he'd break. Don’t you owe it to yourself to be happy?”
“Yeah. Maybe just start with a date,” Sharon said, tilting her head when you didn’t say anything. They were only trying to help, but why did it feel like pressure of sorts? Did they fully understand your apprehension? “You really don't see how he looks at you, do you?”
“Why would I when I convinced myself he'd never want me?” You whispered.
Bucky had convinced himself of the same thing. Maybe the two of you were idiots. How long would you continue to torture yourself? They had a point. Why not start with one date and see where it led?
What would be the harm in that, besides risking your whole heart?
“Well, we see how he looks at you,” Sharon said, her eyebrows shooting up. “Wait. I have it.”
Natasha narrowed her eyes. “Have what?” She asked. You wondered the same thing.
The front door opened before you got your answer, your heart skipping a beat when Bucky stopped in the doorway with a beach bag in hand. You realized after a moment that he was still in the same clothes he wore the day before, his eyes bloodshot as he looked your way. His hair was disheveled, too. He didn’t look like he slept well, if at all.
It broke your heart.
“Hey, Butterfly,” he croaked when you got to your feet, clearing his throat with a tired smile. “You look beautiful.”
“It’s just a sundress, Dreamboat,” you said, the compliment making your stomach flip before you took a step toward him. “Are you okay?”
His eyes lit up. “You’re still calling me that?”
“Of course, I am.” you smiled softly. He’d always be your Dreamboat. “Did you get any sleep?” You added, sighing when he confirmed your suspicion with a shake of his head. Had you been on his mind? “Why not?”
He gripped the bag handle like a lifeline. “I needed to find a way to say I’m sorry. Tried writing a letter and it wasn't enough.”
Your heart swelled, glancing back at the girls as they both gave you an encouraging smile. “Look. Before you do anything, why don’t you take a nap?” You suggested. “It’s still early and I’m not going anywhere.”
“A nap sounds like a good idea before volleyball,” Natasha said, leveling Bucky with a look. “In fact, why don’t you get him to bed?”
“Nat,” you hissed. Of course, she’d suggest you take him upstairs.
“Yeah, we’ll catch up with you two in a bit,” Sharon said.
The hopeful look in Bucky’s eyes was irresistible. “Come on,” you said, taking his arm once he kicked his shoes off. You felt his gaze on you as you took him up the stairs. It amazed you that he didn’t trip over his own feet since he kept his eyes on you. “I can tell you’re staring at me.”
“I half expected you to be gone this morning,” he said, opening his door. “I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
Your stomach dropped. “You think I’d bolt after the conversation we had?” You asked. Did he think little of you now?
He chuckled under his breath. “I said half expected,” he teased.
Instead of releasing your arm, he pulled you into his room before you could protest. It wasn’t a good idea to be there, yet there you were. Not fighting it as he pulled you toward the bed.
His large, inviting bed.
“So, what’s in the bag?” You asked curiously to distract yourself as he set it down and stretched out on the bed, pulling you down with him. He gave you plenty of room so you wouldn’t have to cuddle close. He also left the door cracked open.
He was giving you an out.
“I can’t show you yet because I have to put it together,” he yawned, giving you an apologetic smile. “It’ll spoil the surprise otherwise.”
A giddy smile appeared on your face. He was actually going to make you something. “I’ll be patient,” you said, letting him keep your hand in his.
“Haven’t we been patient long enough?” He asked, his hair falling in his eyes as he gazed at you. Even exhausted, he was breathtaking. “I know you needed the night to think it over.”
The smile fell from your face, silence stretching in the room before you squeezed his hand. “Bucky, you need to get some sleep.”
He couldn’t mask the dejected look on his face. It wasn’t an outright rejection, but you hadn’t exactly declared that you should move forward. “I couldn’t sleep,” he said, his voice thick. “All I could see were the tears in your eyes and knowing I caused them.”
“It’s okay,” you told him. It was an assurance for yourself, too. You were okay and he hadn't tried to hurt you.
“It’s not okay,” he argued, the familiar determination back in his eyes. “And I don’t want to sleep. I want to make you smile. I want to win you a stuffed animal at the carnival.”
“You promised me that at dinner yesterday,” you teased.
“I want to take you dancing,” he added, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.
You could easily picture him smiling as he twirled you around and moved to the beat. Maybe that could be your first actual date. “As long as you don’t step on my feet.”
“I want to take you to bed,” he whispered,
You inhaled, your heart pounding at the implication. “Bucky…”
“I want to hear about your day. The little things, even the details that you think are mundane,” he said, scooting a bit closer. “I want to be the one you talk to and depend on again.”
Each declaration worked its way into your heart. Why couldn’t you just take the leap of faith? “We can’t just-”
“I want you to be my girl,” he said, his face inches from yours. “I want to give you everything.”
Your heart screamed at you to comfort him, kiss him, to tell him the same. “Bucky, you’re not giving me anything until you get some sleep,” you whispered, resting a hand on his cheek. He needed rest. “Please, for me?”
“I’m afraid if I close my eyes, I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone,” he whispered, fighting to keep his eyes open. “I can't lose you again.”
You didn't want to lose him either. “You won't lose me because I’m not going anywhere. I said we’d figure this out together and I meant that,” you promised, needing to give him hope. “Close your eyes. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
He finally shut them as he breathed out, “Butterfly, I lo…”
You gasped as Bucky trailed off, smiling to yourself as your eyes misted over. You weren’t going to run. Not from him. Not when you owed it to yourself to be happy.
You told yourself that as his phone rang.
Even as Dot’s name showed on the screen.
It's fine, lovelies! 😭 Things will look up. Love and thanks for reading! 💙
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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