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#maybe i should just quit lol
alovesreading · 7 months
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having a pathetic mental breakdown rn cos i truly feel like i have lost my ability to write. i’ve been trying, i swear, but i just hate everything i’m writing and it’s so fucking frustrating. currently crying cos it’s apparently the only thing i know how to properly do. anyway, i’ll probably delete this later in the morning but i’m just so fucking annoyed at myself cos i really wanted to post soon but all i can write is utter fucking wank. i hate it and i hate myself. yous deserve someone who can keep up with their writing quality and is consistent with their posting, i’m so sorry i’m a fucking mess. i hate letting people down and i feel like that’s all i’m doing at the moment.
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plagalkey · 4 days
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ENERGETIC ⚡️
you make me feel so high
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usagifuyusummer · 2 months
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Timmy with his found family your honour. *sobs furiously*
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fauvester · 30 days
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au where the el tigre tiger spirit is an ancient and sort of prehistoric spirit in the wildest reaches of the ghost zone, and the belt allows it to like... 1/4 possess someone (just giving them some extra powers [including retractible chain hands?? ghosts, idk] without affecting their personality)
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bbnibini · 1 year
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I wonder if it's a design choice or the devs themselves can't make up their mind, but why did Solomon's eye colour "change" in NB? The chibi sprites in the OG show his eyes are shades of grey to brown/almost gold-bronze.
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The NB chibi sprite shows his eyes to be dark blue and brownish-gold.
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Don't even get me started with the cards and merch that can't make up his effing eye colour
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To my Solobesties (I'm calling Solomon stans this now. I think we formed a strange kinship after lesson 17 even if we never interact lmao), especially artist solobesties, hats off to you and your service to the community.
My personal HC is kinda a spoiler for uhhhh something I'm writing, but here it is:
"It's just…your eyes are like you: I can't figure them out." "MC, I-" "No! No! Solomon, I'm sorry! No…it's not like that, I promise! Look at me, won't you? Please look at me." So he did. His eyes trembled as he met with yours. How could he have hidden this part of himself for this long? How could you not notice? How could you forget? How could Father be so cruel to him and you for simply existing? You traced the corner of his lips with your thumb as you held him by the cheek. He was leaning onto your right hand, unable to maintain his gaze. He was surprisingly bashful. Adorably shy without his facades. But he looked like he would crumble even with a gentle word so you did not say anything. He looked at you expectantly, then looked away as your gaze burned onto him for too long and muttered, "You can't figure me out?"in almost a whisper, after a long-drawn out silence, weighing in his words, watching your expressions and body language. Afraid, so deathly afraid. You smiled. "It's like I'm looking at a mirror. Sometimes it's silver, sometimes it's midnight. When you look at the world around you and then look back at me, I feel like you've captured the sky and the oceans in your eyes. It's beautiful." His face was red all over, even to the tips of his ears. It was such a shame. You haven't even said everything you wanted to say to him yet. That he was the moon and the stars to your daytime; gold and silver gazes, looking after you from afar in the many branches of realities he couldn't be as honest with you as he was now. Ah. What will you do without him now? How can you give this up after remembering everything? You knew it was selfish, but you love him. Both of him. Every part of him just as much as he loved you and every part of you that existed. But now, you had to say goodbye. Again. How truly unfair.
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britneyshakespeare · 2 months
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i'm very interested what ppl find to be the harder shakespeare plays and which they found to be easier. bc i was googling out of curiosity and i found a sparknotes article (link if you're curious) that ranked ten of the most commonly-read plays on difficulty and it put king lear kinda down low whereas it put julius caesar pretty high because of the politics/complicated conflicts. that kind of baffled me because julius caesar was the first tragedy i read outside of the classroom and i found it very approachable; it's one i often recommend to people trying to get into shakespeare because the plot is already familiar to most ppl and you can just enjoy the poetry and how shakespeare chooses to characterize these figures. on the other hand i read king lear a few years later in my shakespeare journey, and to be honest i still kind of have a hard time with lear. maybe i just don't connect with it on some level; i'm not sure. it's not a very tightly-organized play where the action is as centered as in the other tragedies like hamlet or macbeth. that's certainly a me thing and maybe that'll change with age. but i'm always a little surprised when i find someone's experience with the plays so much different than mine.
anyway if you're reading this feel free to reblog and tag or comment which shakespeare plays you found yourself falling into most naturally and which worlds you felt like you had to force yourself into. i'm interested in what ppl feel on this subject
#i also had a hard time w love's labor's lost for comedies. idk i just didn't connect w any of the characters tho the premise is interesting#on my inexplicable third hand: once i primed myself w the historical context to get into the wars of the roses plays i found them addictive#which is funny bc before i read them i kinda NEVER thought i'd get around to the histories#bunch of dead kings i had never heard of. i was like what care is that to me?#text post#shakespeare#king lear#julius caesar#sparknotes#that article rated cymbeline as the most difficult if you were wondering. which i think is an interesting choice#bc it's not really one of the top 10 you're most likely to be presented with#i LOVED cymbeline but it was like. the 30th play i had read. something like that lol#so clearly i was quite used to shakespeare by the time i read it. i wasn't someone who needed to psyched up to read him#(although even i can have a hard time w shakespeare still... and i have only 3 plays left once i finish this last scene in m4m)#i can't say it's a good play for a beginner to start with at all. for many reasons. but cymbeline is a great play.#a midsummer night's dream was also very easy to get into and that was the first one i read on my own#isn't it one of everyone's firsts? it's magnificent i mean. it's unmatched#and it's also one of the shortest and easiest to understand with some of the most lovely lyrical poetry#troilus and cressida was hard and i don't particularly like that one... waiting to change my mind#both t&c and love's labor's are ones i only read once and never watched in any form#so maybe i should give them another shot#i HAVE given lear a couple of other shots and i still find it kind of impenetrable to be honest#it's not that i don't understand the surface level. but i can't. idk. i can't feel much about it#by shakespeare standards
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My tablet's almost out of battery so I can't keep working on my Solace sketch page so here's the only drawing that's cooperated with me so far ft. a pinterest t-shirt
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zante-selachi · 2 months
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Orion who misses his country, not for the people he left behind but for the people
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[Translation:
I give it my all, I give it my all
It's my (our) country, it's my (our) blood
Live your life to the fullest, the long life we deserved
This is for you who received my vote
Tryna change the world, give the world a new voice
This isn't my country, it's our country
So just do it our way, our way
It's my (our) country]
Orion sang the lyrics quietly to himself as he sat leaning on a tree, surrounded by the silence of time and the dark of night. He clenched onto the grass beneath him with his teeth clenched, feeling his throat clogging up just from a single song.
His mind went back to when he was a child and how loving the people around him was, how they cared about him but not enough. No, it was not enough.
It was not enough when they let him be treated like nothing the moment he stepped into his home.
It was not enough when they showed concern over his blank, tired eyes but took his family's empty words at face value.
It was never enough.
But,
He remembered those people who treated everyone equally, who gave him extra meals after seeing how starved he was, who cheered him on when he told them that he was joining the military as soon as he was 18.
He remembered those who cried in his hands after he rescued them, who kept repeating their thanks to him, who sent him personalised letters and words of encouragement about his bravery and kindness.
Yes, he was in the military to protect the country and to him; the country was the people in them, not the disgusting pigs that did nothing but bring ruin to the country's hard-earned peace.
"Negaraku, ni semua untuk kebaikan aku. Maafkan kekurangan aku." [My country, this is all for my own good. Please forgive me for my weaknesses.] He choked out as he gripped at his old dog tag, from when he was still serving them.
He left them, both the people and the country because he was a selfISH, USELESS BASTARD- No, no, no, that's not it. They abandoned him first. Left him to DIE. There was no way he was staying no matter how heavy his heart was.
He had nothing to go back to anyway.
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bueris · 4 months
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months
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Full Tech Day One pic today from kiko laureano (denizen of skid row / ensemble) & video (that's four seconds of "ya never know" playing over the static image) from & ft. marcia milgrom dodge (director / choreographer) double captioning "there might be puppets in this musical ;)" & "Well Shake my hand! Come see LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS @guthrietheater featuring @actually_will_roland's hand!"
#buzz lightyear screenshot i don't believe that's a puppet Or will roland's hand#lsoh#frog & toad shirt yay :) that i believe is saying ''frog & toad are gay'' yahoooo#in unfamiliarity with lsoh: had to look up that snippet of song. i do enjoy the full Songs i should straightup....pick an album of them?#which; relevantly to this being a show with Versions. also like i've only seen the movie once a minute ago....#i know the movie Differed like the musical going well audrey dies then so also does seymour :( does one tragicomically lose a hand first#classic Hey My Hand :( maneuver :( still i reflect on the change like i don't want them to die.... :(#it's Enriching though to reflect on. like a fun balance of ''is there shortcomings of Metaphors? maybe but it's backed up by Story''#then are there shortcomings of story? maybe but it's backed up by how that'll play into a strength of metaphor. makes it Overall Enjoyable#and that i'm not an expert like plenty to muse on re: what are the Metaphors. and then how are they executed. what do i think#and i'm enrichingly not quite settled on Should They Get To Survive; Metaphorically? like i think it's fine either way#i mean we also Have it both ways lol. i think? i don't know about past or present variations versions iterations re: Onstage Medium#it's like it's supposed to be tragic too right right cautionarily so. yet. i indeed go :( about it. i think it's fine it's fine....#or do i. as you can see lmao a fun In Progress mental journey....like pointing to Doomed Tragic Couple iphegenia crash land falls#i would Not change it i would not Want it changed. not even for a what if; really. yet their basis is Knowing They're Kindredly Doomed.....#seymour and audrey are just america's little t4t couple who Do deserve to murder orin plant or no & More :(#much to consider. and always little Invocations to spice things up like & this plant won't stop trying to fuck them i guess#nodding thoughtfully as we are also amidst aesthetics that invoke larger contexts re: race; class; maybe even. gender. and more????#love a lot going on. love that it's really not trying to Be extremely settled in some Conclusive manner in any version. tends to be a win#and love that SPIT TAKE rick moranis walking on into the closing performance of be more chill on broadway???????#enjoy that one post of [god's mistake of making me so incredibly attracted to rick moranis] '80s gum stickers. ricky m#guy who's never seen kapow-i gogo seeing another show with a prop hand: wow this is just like kapow-i gogo
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melverie · 5 months
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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cienie-isengardu · 1 year
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Jango Fett and Walon Vau: Age Difference and Childhood Trauma
Edit: other part(s): The Laws, Orders, Jaster Mereel and True Mandalorians (pre-Galidraan)
For @delkios
This won’t be a traditional analysis as sadly, there isn’t enough data about the relationship Jango and Walon had, especially since Republic Commando book series and game tie-in material did not provide any scene in which those two characters directly interacted (in contrast to Jango and Kal Skirata, who had a chapter in Triple Zero). Due to these limitations, the following work took the shape of investigation and case building more than anything else as I was forced to rely on information from third parties whose opinion was often subjective and knowledge incomplete, the circumstantial evidence and even the comparisons to present how alike Jango and Walon could be, as similarities often connect people.
The collected data is separated into categories focused on different aspects. Each category has its direct quotes or comic book frames from available source materials while some examples get an additional commentary and/or point of interest if the topic discussed may be expanded upon by secondary sources that do not directly concern the relationship between Fett and Vau, but which provide a broader picture of the issue.
AGE DIFFERENCE
A bit of established chronology based on Jango Fett: Open Seasons, Fact Files and Jedi Master Magazine:
BBY - Battle Before Yavin
22 BBY - Attack of the Clones / Battle of Geonosis - Jango’s death and start of Clone Wars
32 BBY - Dooku interrogate Jango’s former allies, the best known example: Silas (as stated by JF:OS issue#2 “ten years before Geonosis")
44 BBY - Battle of Galidraan[1] 
52 BBY - Battle of Korda VI / Jaster Mereel death (as stated by JF:OS issue#2, “twenty years ago” with date of Silas’s torture as starting point)
58 BBY - death of Jango Fett’s parents on Concord Dawn and the orphaned boy joining Jaster Mereel / True Mandalorians (as stated by JF:OS issue#1, “the events takes place 36 years before Attack of the Clones)
The comics and Fact Files did not provide data about year of Jango’s birth however Star Wars Jedi Master Magazine places it in 66 BBY:
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[1] the date for Battle of Galidraan is actually not that clear, as comics issue#3 places it “twelve years before Geonosis” which would mean 34BBY and Jango being 32. However Fact Files vol.3 #14 states “Fett led the Mandalorians for eight years, during which the hunt for Vizsla was never far from their minds”. Similarly, the comics too imply that between Korda VI and Galidraan eight years has passed (Silas said “twenty years ago” for events of Korda, Galidraan was supposedly be “twelve years ago” however comics used Geonosis as reference point, instead of 32BBY - the date the “present” story takes place, as Dooku’s memory about Galidraan was told in that year. Otherwise there would be little time for Jango to gain a reputation as Bounty Hunter, as he said in the same comics (issue #4) “I rotted on spice transport for years.” - the plural form means at least two years, so he would be freshly out of slavery. The lore usually places Galidraan in 44BBY so I prioritize the eight years between Korda VI and Galidraan over comics flawed calculation.
The collected data allows us to establish that Jango was:
 8 years old during attack on his family on Concord Dawn
14 years old when Jaster died on Korda VI and Fett became leader of True Mandalorians
22 years old when his True Mandaloris were killed by Jedi on Galidraan and he was sold into slavery
34 years old when became DNA donor and father of Boba
44 years old when killed
There is a little well-documented chronology for Walon Vau. From the bits of information, we can established that 
Walon run away from his biological family at young age
“That strill had stood by him since boyhood” [Republic Commando: True Colors]
and
“Mird has been with me since I joined the Mandalorians” [Republic Commando: Triple Zero]
or
"Vau," he said carefully, "is still a fit man. A soldier since childhood, just like you and like Kal'buir. [Republic Commando: Triple Zero]
Of course, Vau joining Mandalorians does not necessarily mean joining right away True Mandalorians.
he was part of Jango’s True Mandalorians at least just before Galidraan
Vau didn’t meet Skirata’s eyes for a moment, but he glanced at Jusik. “I could have been at Galidraan, but I wasn’t, and I never forgot that. Not my fight. Should have been my fight.” [Republic Commando: Order 66]
So Vau knows Jango at least for 22 years (since 44BBY to 22BBY, the start of Clone Wars) however depending on interpretation, True Colors may implies, Walon could recall Jango’s undernourished appearance as a youngster:
Vau looked at Mereel in profile and tried to see Jango in him, but it was surprisingly hard. Odd as that might have sounded to an outsider, it was true: the clones usually didn't remind him of Jango Fett at all. Part of that was living among them for years, and becoming blind to the superficiality of appearance, but there were many ways in which they didn't even look like their progenitor. Jango - born of parents who lived hand-to-mouth, undernourished as a youngster - hadn't been much taller than Skirata, but the Kaminoans had managed the clones' nutrition carefully from the day the egg was fertilized, and they'd turned out tall and muscular. In a hundred and more ways, they weren't exact replicas of Fett.
From vocabulary.com:
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Youngster is a good, generic way to talk about a person who's younger than you are, especially a child.
Jango in 44BBY was 22 years old, and Mandalorian for 14 years, so it is possible that due proper training he gained appropriate body weight and was better nourished - if Walon knew Jango only as an adult man, would he had so hard time to see Jango in clones he trained since they were two years old?
For a better picturing this matter, below a reaction of people who knew Jango only as an adult man and already met a clone troopers:
Attack of the Clones by R. A. Salvatore 
Jango Fett walked in, dressed in simple shirt and trousers. Obi-Wan recognized him immediately, though he was many years older than the oldest clone, his face scarred and pitted, and unshaven. His body had thickened with age, but he was still physically imposing, much like many of the old gutter dwellers Obi-Wan encountered in far-flung places. A few extra pounds, sure, but those covered muscles hardened by years of tough living. Tattoos crossed both of Jango's muscular forearms, of a strange design that Obi-Wan did not recognize.
The Cestus Deception by Steven Barnes:
If Obi-Wan was entirely honest with himself, he had to admit that large groups of clone troopers made him slightly uncomfortable. Easy to understand and explain away. One factor was the fact that they were the absolute image of the notorious bounty hunter Jango Fett, who had come within a hair of killing him on three separate occasions. More disturbing still was the fact that, although genetically human, they had not led human lives: clone troopers were born and bred purely for war, without the nurturance of a mother's embrace, or the safety of a father's loving discipline.
or
As he came out of his thoughts, again he had the sense that she was staring at him, and this time he felt uncomfortable. "Why do you look at me that way?" She shook her head. Then, as if she thought herself the biggest fool in the galaxy, she shook with peals of deep, rich laughter. "I suppose I keep expecting you to remember me. That's crazy, of course." She laughed again, and Nate just felt more confused. "You have to pardon me." "I don't understand." "I suppose I should have told you before. I knew Jango Fett." He didn't quite believe what he'd heard. Worse, he wasn't sure how to react. "You did?" She nodded. "Yes, twenty years ago, in quite another life. Seeing you was kind of a shock. When you took those helmets off-wow!" Her laugh was throaty and vibrant. "It's him, all right, and just about the age he was when we first met." Nate's head spun. "I should have expected that, I suppose. Certainly some of my brothers have also encountered people who had known him ... I've just never spoken to one."
As Walon said, living among clones for years made him blind to the superficiality of appearance, but I think it is safe to assume Vau knew Jango for longer than the established minimum of 22 years. 
There is no proper date of Walon’s birth, however the books either mentioned he is past his prime 
Boss stands his ground. "You can't carry it all on your own."     "I can carry enough." I can haul a fifty-kilo pack all right, maybe not as easily as young men like them, but I'm motivated and that shaves years off my age. [Republic Commando: True Colors]
or Walon is outright called an old man, both by himself or other characters:
"You're conspicuous in that black armor, Sarge," Scorch said kindly. "It's worse than having Omega alongside. What say you back out of here and leave me to hold them?"     If anyone was going to do any holding, it was Vau. "Humor an old man." He fumbled in his belt for an EMP grenade. "I stop the droids, you pick off the wets." Wets. Organics. He was talking like Omega now. "Then we all run for it. Deal?" [Republic Commando: True Colors]
or
"Walon, whatever we've said or done to each other before this moment, it doesn't matter. Cm vhetin. A fresh field of snow." Vau looked at him blankly for a moment. Maybe he knew how precariously Skirata balanced on the edge of his resources right then, but that craggy humorless face softened for a few telling seconds. "Cin vhetin." Vau grasped Skirata's arm in a vise-like grip. "Mhi vode an, ner vod." Vau seemed purged. He slapped his thigh plate, and Mird trotted after him into the galley. "Sorry about that, Bard'ika," Skirata said. It couldn't have been easy for the kid to hear all that bad blood about Jedi on this particular night. He might have turned his back on them and put on the beskar'gam, but they'd been his family, and some of those killed must have been his friends. Jedi were living beings, too; some might have got what was coming to them, but others were probably decent like Etain and Jusik. "We're tired old men, with tired old grudges."
or
Vau did his icy I-know-something-you-don't smile. "Sport-fishing isn't sport unless you run the risk of being caught yourself, is it?"     "There's always relaxing on the beach," said the Rek. "Or a pleasant walk around the harbor."     She seemed to have classed them as two old guys trying to rediscover their youth through destructive machismo, maybe with Mereel as the fit young minder who could haul them out of trouble. It was perfect: whoever Ko Sai had as a contact here-and she'd need one, if only to get hold of supplies- wouldn't be tipped off to the fact that Mandalorian bounty hunters were in town. [Republic Commando: True Colors]
or
"Someone has to pilot Aay'han, because those things won't have much range," Vau said. "And I'm volunteering. I had my midlife crisis about ten years ago, so you can go play boy racer this time, Kal..." [Republic Commando: True Colors]
Additionally Commentary:
The definition of a midlife crisis is a period of transition in life where someone struggles with their identity and self-confidence. It happens anywhere from 40 years old to 60 years old and affects men and women. A midlife crisis is not a disorder but is mainly psychological. It occurs when someone looks at where they are in life compared to where they think they should be by a certain age.  Who is affected by a midlife crisis?  Men and women can both experience a midlife crisis, but it may look different for each. On average, most people experience one between the ages of 40 and 60 years old, but you may have it before or after those ages, as well. [From acendahealth.org]
As True Colors takes place in the second year of Clone Wars - if Vau’s words were meant to be interpreted as fact - the midlife crisis would happen around second year on Kamino. Of course, Vau may be sarcastic here but he could also mistake depression for the psychological crisis as the book series often pointed out how time spent on Kamino was depressive for Mandalorian training instructors and Vau was no less affected by that. This actually can be supported by the same book:
Scorch is about twelve years old. He's also twenty-four, measured in how far along that path to death he actually is, which is the only definition I care about. He's running out of time faster than me. The Kaminoans designed the Republic's clone commandos to age fast, and when I think of them as the tiny kids I first knew, it's heartbreaking-yes, even for me. My father didn't quite kill the last bit of feeling in me.
Side note: if I calculate right, the clone commando training started in the second year (8 years before Geonosis, as around that time Kal Skirata showed up on Kamino and was soon to start training clone cadets. Logically, each batch should start their training at the same time, so the “midlife crisis” could easily happen when Vau started training too young children for Republic and Jedi as this challenged both morality and principles of Mandalorian culture.
Kal Skirata was said to be around 60 years old [RC: Order 66] and book series keep describing him and Walon as “old men”, so it is easy to assume the age difference between Jango and Walon was quite significant, most likely more than a decade. Depending when Walon joined True Mandalorians - before or after Jaster Mereel’s death - there is also a possibility he could help train Jango when Fett was still a cadet or at least knew him (if not just heard about him), as Jaster Mereel had a special spot for the kid:
Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue #2:
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Jaster Mereel: Make me proud, Jango. Jango Fett: Yes sir, Jaster. Montross: I think he sometimes forgets that you're not really his son. Hnh. That's dangerous. Clouds his judgment. And yours. [...]
Fact Files vol. 3 #14:
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"Jango became a favorite of Jaster Mereel, something that didn't sit well with one of his men, Montross [...]"
Additional Commentary:  It makes sense to think that older and/or more experience Mandalorian Mercs helped to train the cadets however it is worth to keep in mind that Walon Vau was introduced into story as specialist of interrogation and True Mandalorians in fact trained their members to endure tortures [Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue #2]. This information comes from Silas, who was part of True Mandalorian first under Jaster Mereel's and later Jango's leadership. It is hard to tell when and how interrogation became Walon’s expertise, but if he took part in training of cadets, his training may as well be pretty brutal to endure. On another hand, if Jango spent eight years keeping the hunt for Vizsla in mind all the time, Vau could be one of the people responsible for gathering information about Death Watch from captured enemy soldiers or other suspects. If he was that good as books implied he was, this could make him a valuable addition to Fett’s army.
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
[Prime source] Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue #1
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Imperial Commando: 501st
Jusik didn't know what to expect; he just knew that she'd been hurt, physically and emotionally. Jango had told Vau just the barest detail about the Death Watch punishing his father for harboring Jaster Mereel, and his mother shooting one of them dead so Jango-eight, maybe-could get away. That was the last he saw of all of them, his mother shielding fourteen-year-old Arla, his father on his knees yelling at him to run. Jango thought they'd all died.
Additional Commentary: For a supposedly the barest detail, the short description accurately presents what happened in original source [“Death Watch punishing his father for harboring Jaster Mereel”; “his mother shooting one of them dead” “his mother shielding fourteen-year-old Arla”, “his father on his knees yelling at him to run”], so maybe it is not Vau who get the simplified version from Jango, but Jusik from Walon?
For better contrast, below a story Jango told Zam Wesell:
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"Did you know I was an orphan? My family had a farm. There was a civil war. We got caught in the middle of it. I don't know what would have happened to me... if someone hadn't come along and saved me" [Source: Zam Wesell comics, 2002]
Additional Sources: Jusik and Kal Skirata were aware that Jango Fett had a sister in previous book (RC: Order 66), as this was their main motivation to abduct met by accident Arla Fett from the asylum:
"I thought I was a chancer," Skirata said "but Bard'ika, you make me look like a Neimoidian accountant. You know who that is, don't you? If she is who she thinks she is, anyway. Because she's supposed to be dead." "Oh, I know," Jusik said. In the last few years, he'd absorbed all he could about Mandalore and its people, both from Mando'ade themselves and from aruetiise who knew them all too well-like certain Jedi. "And that's why she deserves our help." "So who is it?" Vau asked plainly irritated. Mird watched the woman with head cocked tail slapping. "We'd better have a good reason for taking a psychotic killer with us tonight." "We have," said Jusik. "That's Arla Fett-Jango's missing sister."
In the same book, Fenn Shysa also seems to be aware about the fate of Jango’s biological family:
Shysa was making an awfully big assumption about Boba's willingness to take over where his dad left off. "Fett's got an older sister, you know. Arla." "No, Vizsla killed them all." "Not all." "Now you tell me. Are you having me on, Kal?" "No, ori'haat. I swear. Jango thought they all died, but the girl survived somehow [...].
It makes sense that Mandalorians, especially the survivors of True Mandalorians (and Jusik who learned from them) to some degree were familiar with their leader's past, however their knowledge doesn’t necessarily need to come from Jango himself. 
Additional sources outright say or strongly implies Jango wasn’t willing to confide in others about his childhood trauma.
Internal memo penned by Hali Ke, senior research geneticist, Kamino, 27 BBY (source) 
I have now logged many sessions with our prime clone Jango Fett, and concluded that he embodies his species’ contradictions. He is a killer many times over, ending the life of others without hesitation if paid to do so, yet his anger was obvious when I suggested he lacked morality. He is one of the most able, competent humans I have ever observed, remaining calm in situations that would leave most organics helpless with terror. Yet he witnessed horrors in his childhood that he will not discuss, and around which his mind has constructed apparently impenetrable barriers.
Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue #2
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Important thing to note: Jango only described the enemy as “ex Mandalorians who split with Jaster Mereel years ago” instead of personal information like killers of his biological family. It could be due to being under enemy fire, however the fact that Silas has no clue who Death Watch was in the first place, strongly suggests that Jango did not mention his childhood trauma in any specific detail to him, while comics presented Silas as deeply loyal to Jango, both as first person to stand by him against Montross’ claim to leadership
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and as a man who endured for a whole year a torture because he refused betray Jango and who used his last breath to ask Dooku (the torturer) to not tell Jango about his failure.
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As Imperial Commando: 501st states, “Jango had told Vau” about his childhood trauma and there is no reason to think Vau lied about this to Jusik. So far, within the broadly understood Republic Commando series, Walon is the only mentioned character to whom Jango voluntarily confided about things he normally did not speak.
(Unless, as pointed in my additional commentary for Age Difference, Vau did in fact trained Jango to endure torture and he managed to break Fett to get this information from him during "exercise" while he simply omitted that detail when sharing his knowledge about Jango's childhood with Jusik. Personally I like more the implication of trust given to Vau what fits well with his role in Kamino program, however I feel obligated to mention this possibility as another interpretation.)
However when it comes to Vau’s own biological family and his aristocratic title, Republic Commando: True Colors says Kal Skirata was most likely the only person he told about before Clone Wars. 
"What's in there, Sarge?" I'm not robbing for gain. I'm not a greedy man. I just want justice. See? My Mandalorian armor's black-black, the traditional color of justice. Beskar'gam colors almost always have meaning. Every Mando who sees me understands my mission in life right away.     "Part of my inheritance," I say. "Father and I didn't agree on my career plans."     Justice for me; justice for the clone troops, used up and thrown away like flimsi napkins. "The drinks are on you, then," says Boss, Delta's sergeant "If we'd known you were loaded, we'd have hit you up earlier." "Was loaded. Cut off without a tin cred." I've never told them about my family or my title. I think the only person I told was Kal, and then I got the full blast of his class-war rhetoric.
Additionally commentary: Once Walon and Kal joined their forces to provide clones a future outside the army, Vau started to mention his aristocratic family more often (sometimes simply to annoy Skirata). This of course does not cross out the possibility that Jango wasn't privy to this "secret", as Fett could easily learn that from other Mandalorians, like his mentor Jaster Mereel (if Walon already was one of his True Mandalorians while Jango was a young cadet himself), or even straight from Kal who was passionate about the topic enough to lecture Walon - something that was mentioned through the books on few different occasions and these two men knew each other for decades.
Republic Commando: Triple Zero
   "Yes, we all know." Vau turned to Etain. "This is normally where he starts lecturing me on his ghastly childhood as a starving war orphan living feral on some bomb site, and how I just ran away to become a mercenary because I was bored with my idle, rich family."     "Well, that saved me some time," Skirata said irritably. "What he said."
Thus it is up to debate, if Jango knew and if he knew then how he learned that and if he didn’t, why Walon did not mention it at all. There are potential possibilities like that Jango simply wasn’t interested in Vau’s past so he has never asked (the other, out-of-universe explaination is that the author did not had at that time outlined the plot-twist about Jango and Walon’s much closer relationship than Jango and Kal - the main character of book series since Triple Zero. This is the most likely the case, as Karen Traviss’ Legacy of the Force books that predate Order 66 pretty much ignore Jango & Walon relationship in favor of Jango and Kal mentions in Boba’s POV characters. But about that more later.) 
[Next part coming hopeful soon]
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I think the entire month of October I’m just going to stay off the search feature
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suddenrundown · 4 days
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having a whole reddit am i the asshole moment
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ivyithink · 1 year
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@kingslionheart come get your boys, please? your tags are yet again the sole reason for all ... this ..., whatever it is, existing, so i demand shared custody
also, i hope you don't mind me using this screenshot of your tags, tell me if you do!))
Ursula translates to "little she-bear", which both of them know, because they are smart, unlike me, who had to google for possible names and then vibrate exitedly when i found the perfect one (for me at least). her breed is the great pyrenees mountain dog, and those beauties grow up to be BIG big
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aroaessidhe · 6 months
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Saint of Bright Doors
a surreal Sri Lankan fantasy about colonialism, revolution, mixing fantasy with the modern world
follows a man raised by his mother to kill his father, a god-like cult leader
but as an adult he puts aside his life of violence and moves to the city for a quiet life
he becomes fascinated with ‘bright doors’ around the city that never open and have no other side, and joins a group studying them to find out more
and a support group for those with divine heritage that becomes increasingly revolutionary, until the task he was made for reemerges and his life upends
#the Saint of Bright Doors#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this is kind of hard to explain I dont know if I did a very good job here lol#it is weird and full of so many interesting elements. I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it but?? I really liked it mostly???#It starts pretty small scale focused on the MC & slowly unravels the wider worldbuilding and narrative elements in a really interesting way#The first chapter or two I assumed it was typical high fantasy but then it’s like. oh this is a modern city. with emails and stuff.#The pacing is a bit weird - it’s quite meandering and also pivots significantly in the second half. tbh I’m still ????? about the ending lm#but also I am happy to float through on vibes.#and there’s some elements (like the doors that become….not that relevant) that I want to know more about. (as an aside - I saw someone say#that it’s a very clear retelling about Buddha’s son? which idk enough about but probably could give a deeper context to a lot of it)#writing style is kinda detached from the MC but also there is a reason for this that makes sense with the twist near the end!#which is a kind of twist i LOVE. Maybe I wish it had been emphasised a bit more over the story though? unsure.#I thought his mother's story was interesting also - you think she's an terrible parent just there for background context at the start but#then when she tells her story it's like ohh there's more context here.#also I hesitate to just say ‘if you like the spear cuts-- you should read this’ because I think the elements that are similar are done in a#kinda different way and might disappoint you if you’re expecting it to be the same as spear….but regardless the sort of dreamy writing#rich world; narrative with fantasy but also modern day elements; some of the writing style; mlm MC (tho not a romance)#idk. it will definitely not work for everyone but I enjoyed it overall#also it is full of queerness#bisexual books
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