#maybe im just not romantically attracted to women?

[szsariii19]

I just wanted to wish happy bi visibility day to my fellow questioning people. You deserve to be seen on this day as much as others do and I want you to know you're not alone <3

[taxi-boi]

GUYS I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY

APLATONIC LUCIFER

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

i need more books with romance plots to have the love interest be literally anything other than the most conventionally attractive person on the planet and im not even kidding. i will die badly if these needs are not met

[lala-blahblah]

i finished watching the uglies adaptation and it was mid...... except casting for shay was so good and i appreciate the racial diversity in casting. Idk I feel like adaptations should only exist if they have a vision for interpreting the source material but i am so so biased bc i wanted a sapphic interpretation of tally and shay

[pink-lemonadefairy]

how do i know if im bisexual or gay or straight help

[justchristina]

having men approach me at work and having to call the cops at work bcs a man was stalking his ex at our shop and hearing abt how my coworker was stalked at the mall yesterday and it's all so paradoxical to me that this all happened in the span of a week in a summer that I'm very much trying to embrace my girlhood in. anyways

[transpeculation]

i have noticed that while media made for straight women does occasionally romanticise men, it very rarely eroticises them.

like. i’m looking (respectfully) at gay magazine covers with sexy dudes on the cover and they are so erotic, so sexualised, in a way that i just do not see marketed to straight women.

[scarysanctuary]

i'm getting old, whenever i hear men sexualizing young women in particular, i immediately feel protective of them, like, stay away from her fr

[ovaruling]

i think it’s also a huge problem for women that as a sex we are not really very concerned with how obsessed we’ve become with “smelling good” bc it is evidently a unique aspect of beauty culture that doesn’t apply to either makeup nor quite does it fall under the umbrella of rigorous skincare or visual alteration of the body

i’m not talking abt using standard deodorant and basic hygiene or washing oneself regularly

i’m talking perfume culture, scented body lotion culture, scent-layering routines, ensuring that our hair smells like a bouquet, body mist, oils, powders, creams, butters, etc

in addition to attracting lots of insects the second you step outside, i think this is one of the more evilly genius fingers of capitalism. who’s going to object to women wanting to smell like vanilla? no one. so keep buying things that make you smell like vanilla

idk. idgi. i don’t even find it romantically plausible—intimacy would be so interrupted for me if i got a face full of lavender oil or strawberry body butter or pomegranate shampoo instead of just the basic clean scent of my partner. and maybe im just different i have no idea. but i would gag tbqh

[dunmeshi-darlings]

"you cant ship izutsumi with anyone in the cast she is a child!!"

or

"you cant ship izutsumi with anyone she is canon aro/ace!"

Firstly, Its fiction and people can do whatever they want in fiction it does not matter.

But also, this just isnt correct? izutsumi is considered an adult in the dungeon meshi world with multiple sources proving this.

Here We have the Race bio for teh tall-men race, here it lists ever bit of information about tall men from where they are most common, to hieghts, notable tall-men characters including our favorite cat girl izutsumi.

Here we see that the age of maturity is specifically listed as 16 years of age. That at 16 years old in dungeon meshi, Tall-men are considered adults. Maybe this isnt good enough proof for you, well thats fine the words "age of maturity" are a bit vague. However we have this bit of dialogue between Laios, Chilchuck, And Marcille

Laios Specifically uses the word "adult" Because thats what it is, At 16 the Tall-Men are Adults. Adults who can Do adult things like Join the army, Go out and live on their own, Look for Love and Romance and sexual relationships. Want more proof of that? i can do that

Here we see that Chilchucks daughters Plan to try and seduce and romance Laios, Wanting to engage in a relationship with this new king. As for the ages? Chilchucks daughters are all between 14-16

Puckpatti is the youngest at 14

Flertom is the middle child at 16

And finally meijack who is also 16, however she must be older than flertom as she is referred to as "big sis".

As for laios? We know he is 26 years old.

So here we have two half foots who are 14 and 16 wanting to try and seduce King laios, who is 26 years old. A full 10+ year age gap between them, but it doesnt matter because as Flertom herself says

"But wont it embaras you, dad? To have three ADULT daughters who are unmarried?"

She literally says adult, because thats what chilchucks daughters are, they are adults because they fall into the age of maturity for half foots. (which is stated here)

So because they are at least 14, they are considered an adult and can try and romance king laios, a man who is 26 years old and chilchuck isnt upset at that because they are adult women (just upset that its laios of all people)

So if Chilchucks daughters at ages 14-16 are called adults, The half foot age of maturity is listed as 14, and they call THEMSELVES adults, and are shown showing romantic interest with a 26 year old man. Its safe to say that they are adults in every sense of the word, meaning that age of maturity is when the individual of that race is considered an adult, as for izutsumi?

She is listed as 17 years old, a full year past the age of maturity for Tall-men. Aka, a full year past when a tall-man is considered an adult, therefore by all the rules of the dungeon meshi world she is an adult.

As for the Aro/ace part? there is no specific wording for it besides these parts in the succubus arc

Here we see her say "i dont have a type or anything that im attracted to, so ill be fine."

Here we see the succubus take the form of izutsumis mother (or her supposed idea of her)

As somebody who is asexual (yes little lore drop about yours truly, i am actually ace myself) this doesnt strike me as her being asexual. That isnt to say you cant headcanon her as ace, thats your right and i fully support that especially being ace myself. But that doesnt make it canon though.

I personally headcanon her as demisexual, but i know that also isnt canon. and i dont want to try and claim it is.

[dyketubbo]

lesbian related discourse tires me out sm. first it was aro/ace lesbians then it was nonbinary lesbians then it was he/him lesbians and it/its lesbians and now its bi/pan/mspec lesbians like when are all of you going to realize that the lesbian experience is extremely diverse and has never been as strict as "women who only identify as women who love exclusively women who only identify as women". like this goes for many identities but lesbians end up at the forefront a lot and it makes me wonder if any of you actually give a shit about queer history because istg lesbian separatism has been reinvented like 50 times in the past decade.

stop convincing each other that the queer experience is nothing but strictly defined boxes and labels that can always be condensed into one sentence. lesbians can experience a lack of sexual attraction and a lack of romantic attraction and lesbians can be nonbinary and lesbians can be gnc and when you actually go into what those last two mean you should realize that yes this means sometimes lesbians are men because genderfluid and bigender and trigender and transmasc and whatever gender lesbians exist and when you actually goes into what THAT means you should realize yes actually people combining labels like mspec and lesbian makes perfect sense because of fucking course orientation and gender and whatever else you consider to be apart of your queer experience is all fluid its all up to personal interpretation

its not shit like bi lesbians or mogai or aroace people or gnc people or "trenders" or it/its users or whatever fucking bonafide weirdos that are ruining the community its the people who want to sort everyone into neat little boxes because they cant handle that sometimes you arent going to understand other peoples experiences. its fine if mspec lesbians dont make sense to you. its fine if it doesnt make sense to you how someone could use it/its, if it doesnt make sense how a lesbian could consider himself transmasc, if it doesnt make sense how someone could seriously mean "my gender feels like a star", if whatever queer experience you run into doesnt make sense.

someone's identity does not have to make sense for you to respect them as a person and realize that exclusionary behavior is nothing but a crabs in a bucket type mentality. not only have "weird" queer people existed since fucking forever, but even if they didnt the human experience is diverse and we still dont know everything about the world and why the fuck would you decide that no actually if it cant be understood it must be bad and you need to find out reasons for it to be bad. focus on the people who are actively hurting others, taking advantage of vulnerable people, dont become one of them. dont become one of the people who scorns anything they dont understand and hurts innocent people in the quest of getting rid of anyone who they deem is abnormal. its fucked up and being any type of exclusionist is fucked up.

bi lesbians, as an overall community, is just a bunch of people who decided that a complicated label fits their complicated attraction and thats Fine. it is literally fine. being a lesbian was never about being strictly a woman who strictly loves other women who are strictly women. its about loving women in a gay/queer way, whatever that means for the individual. if an individual person is using it in a transphobic way, then thats a fault of the person, not the label. but at its core, all the identity is about is about recognizing that attraction is complicated and identity is complicated and not everyone is comfortable putting themself in neat boxes for other people to scrutinize until they Get It.

to any mspec lesbians (and hell, any mspec gays) who are reading this: im proud of you and theres nothing wrong with recognizing that your identity is complicated and maybe even contradictory. its Your experiences and no one has the right to say that youre inherently a bad person simply because they heard some strawman arguments and decided to believe in fallacy over reality. and because its probably obvious why im making this yeah maia arson crimew is literally fine its an absolute legend actually and i hope that its okay. fuck anyone who was a piece of shit to it because they cant handle someone being openly complicated and contradictory and unabashedly "Weird"

[changbinsboobs]

What attracts SKZ at first sight?

🍄For this reading i used the Erotic Fantasy Tarot Deck🍄

*Keep in mind this post is solely for entertainment purposes and does not state facts!

Chan - Page of Swords

His cards were incredibly easy to shuffle and sprung out very quickly and clearly. He def has something that catches his eye instantly and knows it and doesn't mind sharing information, thats something i picked up on in the past as well, he's very open and kinda even wants to share. Physically he likes athlethic looking women, almost with slight masculine look to them (lean muscular legs, lean (not skinny) muscular stomach, he likes a straight athlethic posture and kind of "hard" vibes. Maybe girls that are a little bit snappy and a tiny bit mean, someone that would tease him or roast him a bit. I feel like he likes powerful, dom looking women, i get siren / mommy typa vibe. Like a bit mysterious and scary, and i think he is kinda into someone that gives off toxic vibes at least based on their looks. And he knows it and is proud of it too😂 doesn't disagree. He likes women that wouldnt mind stepping on someone or hurting someones feelings to protect themselves or to get the respect they deserve. I believe this is something he actually wants to do/be himself, but cant allow himself to do so, and thats why he admires it so much on women. Although if a man were to exhibit those qualities i feel he would be annoyed cuz it would trigger him that another man allows himself to do what he cant allow himself. And by saying that im not assuming his sexuality, its just that this specific piece of information came like that. That specific behavior, when exhibited by women is attractive, when exhibited by men it puts him off. That all being said, based on the reading im getting the vibe he leans more towards women, but with a bit of masc qualities.

Leeknow - Page, Knight, 10 of Cups

The deck was quite for a bit and than BAM 3 cards. All continuous cups, shows he is attracted to consistency in the building of the connection. Someone that seems serious. He doesn't have something to catch his eye immediately based on looks or personality wise. He is open to get to know any kind of person if they show genuine interest and are consecutive in their actions. He wants someone reliable in their emotions, someone who is self aware and comfortable with their emotions. Someone mature, that is visible that they have worked on themselves in the past to achieve the level of comfort and understanding they've achieved in themselves. He wants someone he can grow and build with. Contrary to Chan tho, his reading isn't that focused on romantic or sexual interest. The vibe is more platonic. Which also shows me, for him to actually feel attracted to someone in a romantic/spicey way, he has to know that person on a deeper level and possibly be friends for a while first.

Changbin - King of Cups

The deck acted very dense, as if it wanted to stick together and shield itself from spilling anything. He is someone with deep running emotions, hard exterior but very soft and deep on the inside. He has to be conscious of himself not to overspill as this has caused hem feelings of rejection, pain and feeling misunderstood. I believe he has a bit of trauma regarding that. Feeling like too much for most people. I believe he doesn't "choose" based on looks or even personality. He goes by vibe! Even if he has a specific set of features he finds attractive, they don't hold that much weight in actually attracting him. That said, i think he has A LOT of traits, aesthetics and logical/personality traits he looks for/likes in a partner, when the vibe isnt there right away. I would say he is also someone that doesnt really have a set type, even if he thinks he does. He might have a few versions of girls he has in his head that he likes, but in reality those dont mean anything cuz the girls he actually falls for are never coherent with the type he actually has, and girls that would be his perfect type, he doesnt care for them. This is something thats confusing to him and might cause him some distress in his love life as he feels uneasy trusting his gut, and thinks he should stick to what his head thinks he likes. But he's a very hearty, gutty, intuitive person and generally speaking, in life the best decisions he can make always come from his gut and heart, not from his head. Also im getting the very strong vibe he's into women. Overall a very sensitive, deep person, that doesn't want to see or accept his depth and constantly keeps trying to be "normal" or like the "others" when it comes to this specific aspect, hence why he has over-logicalified his idea of a perfect partner. This may be something causing him to constantly choose a partner thats not really fit for him, leading to a love life full of disappointment and honestly trauma. All those ideas and features he has in mind go all out the window, tho, when he actually meets someone thats meant for him and the chemistry begins "torturing" him.

Hyunjin - Ace of Swords

He likes striking, high contrast features, maybe some sharpness in the face or the body as well, probably someone on the taller side who's also pretty slender. Could be of either gender. I believe he likes more of a masculine look, if its for a woman for example someone like keira kneightly or jung hoyeon. Those two just popped into my mind. Someone with a good style, someone who KNOWS THEIR style. Like their hair, maekup, outfits, jewlery, shoes etc, are all picked up for a reason and consciously put together. He likes it when people put thought into their appearance and express themselves through it. He thinks it sends a message that this person is worth it and deems themselves and is of high value, someone that takes good care of themselves. He likes small charmies too. Like if the person has an incredibly unique charming smile. Or if they have a rare unique eye color or shape. If they have exceptionally long hair or an exceptional hair color. If they have their signature earrings or signature scent, or nails or whatever. He likes a classy aura, well put together style, but with something unique that sets that person apart from the others. Something he can remember them by. People like this leave an impression on hyunjin.

Han - Empress & High Priestess

I immediately get the vibe that he likes older women. Women that are wise, have experience and are of a mothery nature. Women that take care of him. This could also apply to men that exhibit those mothery qualities. There's not much else to add here, this leads me to believe that this specific thing is kind of the "boss" and theres not much else that matters when it comes to first impressions regarding attraction.

Felix - 7 of Wands

The deck kept blurting out groups of cards, but then not, but then yes, then another group etc. I feel like his type changes constantly and quickly so he can't really put his finger on what he likes and doesnt like. This is very dependable on the people itself and what experience he has with them. For example he meets a redhead and they hit it off right away, and suddenly his type are redheads. Then after a week he gets bored and then he suddenly doesnt like redheads anymore. Then he starts vibing with a short person, now his types that. A month later they have a fight or something, now he keeps away from short people, yk...his type fluctuates and is HEAVILY influenced by the emotion thats evoked in him during interactions & experiences.

Seungmin - Emperor

Stern looking people. I think he likes tsunderes. People that look cold and stern on the outside and he enjoys the honor of making them smile, making them soft for him later on. He also admires the stability and confidence they excude. He also sees coldness as a sort of power. Like its an ability to choose who enters and who doesnt, and he likes 1. to feel exclusive when he gets in, and he also likes the privacy of being around someone like that or having a partner like that. I want to say he likes the emptinness a relationship like that would bring. Like theres no unneccessary drama, opinions, etc. theres enough empty space for them to be whoever they want and do whatever they want.

I.N - 2 of Pentacles

Thats very random but he really likes bright green eyes. This is a feature that instantly catches his attention and no matter the other features of that person, if they have green eyes they immediately become highly attractive to him, or at least their attractiveness level rises, like from a 3 they're now a 6. He also likes ankles and looks at the shoes, those are things that can impress him. His reading is very different, he has very set things he knows about and almost actively looks for, i feel like he would be someone that has a list of things he looks for in a partner, some things being even as shallow as the type of shoes they like to wear, and he would date a person just solely based on this list of his that he has. And i think he would be pretty happy too😂 like i don't see much emotion, in the sense that he falls in love without him wanting to because that feeling is stronger than him - no, he deliberately chooses who he feels attracted to.

[thetorturedbuckydepartment]

chapter five: fucking situations, circumstances, miscommunications

pairing: Bucky barnes x plus-sized!reader

summary: Six months ago, you were appointed to be Head Nurse to the Avengers by Tony Stark. Every day, you count your lucky stars, knowing the horrible past you quickly ditched back in England. It holds you back, restrains you, from getting close to anyone when on your new job.

That's until you met and fell in love with Bucky Barnes. The supposed assassin with a heart of gold, who seems to be eager to get to know you. To peel back your layers piece by piece, but could you trust him once you're laid before him raw and vulnerable?

masterlist

PREVIOUS PART -- CHAPTER FOUR: WHO ELSE DECODES YOU?

warnings: language, mentions of sex (no smut), self deprecation, angst (!)

word count: 3.9k

Taglist: @scott-loki-barnes @cjand10 @blackwidownat2814 @blackbirdwitch22 @laughterafter  @blackhawkfanatic @mcira @bxckybxrnes24 @rachellovesloki @toffeacademia @bean-bean2000 @lana525 @selella

A/N: im so sorry okay? but I promise, the fruits of patience are always sweet (is that right)! hope u enjoy, and don't worry only five more chapters until I stop torturing the pair to pine longingly... also phase one is complete, so I'll be taking a two week break before starting phase two: the falling rollout! stay tuned :)

It turns out you were wrong. You had been speaking to Nat — Wanda was off somewhere with Vision — and you talked her out of the notion that you were falling in love with Bucky. Because of course you aren’t…you can’t afford to. Falling in love made a mess of you, there’s no way it’s going to happen so soon.

When you first set foot in New York, it felt like a fresh start. Sure, you’d imagine if all went well, then a few years down the line you’d find yourself opening up again. Not doing it so soon, and certainly hadn’t imagined in your wildest dreams that it would be reciprocated.

You convince yourself you’ve imagined it. And of course, you did. Because in the night, Bucky had left you and your scheduled movie night last minute, to go out on the town with Steve. He had invited you, but you’d declined. Maybe you’ve weirded him out with admitting you’re more attracted to brunettes — maybe he’s figured it all out and is now trying to avoid you, to let you down gently. 

And when you’re just about to fall asleep after tormenting yourself with all the awkward ways he’s trying to avoid you, because he’s too nice to tell you — that’s when you hear it. Moaning and groaning of a man and woman through the wall, the hard and rough pounding of what can only be a bed frame against a surface, and the man is undoubtedly Bucky. You'd recognise his voice anywhere. Your heart sinks as you immediately walk out of your room, where you can hear everything, heading to the kitchen, unable to handle it. It feels like your insides will be spilled all over your front and the floor. Trying to get the images out of your mind of Bucky and another woman entangled…like that. Clutching at your chest, because your heart just burns and your eyes are full of water and everything’s blurry, shaky hands reaching for a glass of cold water to dissolve the lump in your throat.

Why are you upset? Bucky is a grown man, fully capable of making his own decisions and choosing the women he wants to sleep with. It’s not his fault he doesn’t choose you. So why does it make you so upset, that you’re quietly stifling your sobs in an empty, cold kitchen?

You feel like your heart has been ripped out — once again doomed to be romantically interested in the one who would rather choose an inanimate rock over you. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but still. You don’t know how long you stand there, the only light a warm orange spilling over the black kitchen island, and think every single spark of hope in you away. The look of desire on his face…maybe it was platonic affection. You mistook it for something more, because you’ve never seen that look haunt anyone's features before. Maybe he looks like that at everyone.

And then you hear hurried footsteps, and the unmistakeable, juggernaut-like clack of women’s heels. You straighten, and she appears. Wrapped in a red dress, Bucky’s favourite shade, that accentuates every part of her so flawlessly, and her lipstick hasn’t even budged, despite the mess of her hair and other parts of her makeup. She offers you a soft smile as she passes, but you can’t help yourself. How has her lipstick not even smudged a little?

“Wow, you’re so pretty, oh my God. What lipstick do you use, and how the hell has it still not budged? Girl, I need the brand and name, like, right now.” You usher her over, to inspect her perfect lips more closely. Even the warm light makes her seem a million times more attractive, and you can’t help yourself.

You hold her face in your hands while she rattles off some obscure brand you’ve never heard of, making a mental note to search it up later. “It looks amazing,” you say, meeting her eyes, which are the most warm shade of brown. 

You know you can never hold a candle to the beauty of this woman, even at your very best, but you’d be damned if you didn’t tell her of her radiance.

“Thank you,” she blushes and straightens, pulling away from your hold. Her outfit is so amazing, you can��t even blame Bucky for being so taken with her. You’re right there with him.

“Flirting with my date, are you?” Comes Bucky’s voice from the doorway, and you both turn to look at him. Then you remember yourself, and your situation. She’s just had sex with Bucky, and here you are, complimenting her lipstick.

And in this moment, you dig to your lowest familiar, and compare yourself to her. It’s not a competition, you know better than to fight over a man, but even if there were…you would lose by a landslide. Objectively.

Absentmindedly, you touch your hair while glancing at hers, dark, perfectly curled locks swishing about her shoulders and touching her elbows, even at its messiest. You don’t know if you want to look like her, or to be with her, in this moment.

“No, no. I was just asking her about her lipstick, that’s all.” She hands you her phone, ignoring Bucky, and asks you to enter your number with a wink. You happily comply, and almost miss the way her face falls when she reads over your name, and glances over her shoulder at Bucky. 

Clearly, you’ve missed something. You don’t want to ask. “I’ll call you,” she gestures to you, leaving you with a kiss on the cheek. You blink several times, trying to process the events of the past hour or so.

You’ve never been more confused. How did you end up with Bucky’s date’s number? “You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you doll?” He’s got that signature smirk on his face, but you look away. Something about his messy hair and flushed cheeks seems a sight that isn’t reserved for you, but the lover who just left the compound.

“No, I— I was just complimenting her, I swear. She seems nice, though. Are you gonna see her again?” He joins you at the table, and up close you can see the slight sheen of sweat on his brow, and you hate the way the sight of it stirs something in your lower belly. You want him, so bad. You want to be the reason he emerges from his room flushed and you leave with messy hair like you just rolled out of bed. Alas, it isn’t in the cards for you. Fortune and romance have never been entangled lovers in the story of your life, and you shouldn’t expect anything different in this chapter of it. You take another cold sip, hoping to swallow the bitter realisations you've stumbled across tonight.

“Well, considering I don’t even know her name, and you got her number, I doubt it.” He laughs, hoping you’ll chuckle alongside him. You’re not in the mood to talk about his sex life, and you feel like you’re about to throw up because of it, yet again. Now knowing his type is a dark, sexy feminine energy, you can’t bear it anymore. You are the very antithesis of it all — light, and soft. Maybe he even finds you sweet. But you’re not the one, not the one he wants.

You may be the one he spills his secrets to, but you know you’ll never be the red-dress femme fatale he takes to bed, or into his heart.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” You ask, sparing him a quick glance then returning to look at your hands that just look too wrong. Palms too wide, fingers too stubby. She had hands like a fucking nail polish model. Everything about you feels wrong and misshapen in this moment. Bucky’s wondering what he did to upset you. He’d overheard you talking to Natasha, explaining clear as day that you’re not attracted to him. He’s simply taken it as his sign to move on, to try and bury his heart that he’s laid in your chest, instead of letting it consume him. That's why he said yes to Steve, why he left you to go out. He didn't want either of you to stew in uncomfortable silence because he doesn't want to admit what he heard and how badly it hurt him. To confess would be to lose you, and so he buries it all deep down. Just like everything else.

But it’s a lot harder than expected, especially when he brings a girl home, for the first time in decades, but all he can think of is you. He’s manoeuvring her hips and imagining them to be yours, kissing her lips and pretending you’re the one gasping against his mouth. He ended up so wrapped in the fantasy, your name had slipped past his lips as he came, even though he tried to hide it in a murmur against her shoulder. But, of course she heard. She’d lectured him for a couple of minutes while throwing her clothes back on, about how he shouldn’t be fucking around if his heart is so set on one woman, that he says her name when lost in the throes of passion with another. Then, she’d spun on her heel and left, and he’d departed to find you. 

To tell you, he can’t do it anymore. Despite your feelings of romantic apathy when it comes to him, he can’t say the same. He is enamoured, infatuated, obsessed with you, and he can’t let you go. He can't bury his feelings when they just keep building up like waves and crashing over the grave of his heart -- he can't keep it to himself. Even if your words seal the vault closed forevermore, he needs to hear them. He was so ready to beg for one date. One chance, one kiss, one taste. Maybe not in the moment, seeing as you wouldn’t appreciate the taste of another woman’s wine on his lips. He wouldn’t either, if that night you’d gone on the date with Steve, he'd let his impulsive thoughts win just moments after you kissed another's mouth. He wonders how you kiss as he touches his own lips in thought -- would you let the other take charge and cover him in sweet pecks, or do you prefer to taste like passion and sin? These were the only thoughts circling his smitten mind as he searched for you longingly. 

And then he found you, illuminated so beautifully in the light of the kitchen island, and it occurs to him, just how there is no competition between you and other women. They could never hold a candle to you, to the radiant sun of your essence and your beauty.

The woman seems surprisingly smitten by you, with your eyes on her lips, and her giving you her number. He doesn't blame her for feeling that electric pull to you. He's right there with her.

He also didn’t miss the look she gave him over her shoulder, after reading your name. She knows, that it’s you. She won’t come back, she knows better than that. But he can’t tell you that that’s the reason he won’t be seeing her again, and you won’t even look at him. 

“Yeah, doll. Of course. I’m not bailing on you again.” He smiles, gently touching your cheek, and you pull away before his skin makes contact.

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” You turn around and walk out, the tears in your eyes dripping down your face and leaving a salty trail all the way to your door.

                                            ————————

In the night, you’d done a lot of thinking. And you’ve decided to let him go, to let him do what he wants. He’s not evil, he’s certainly not wicked. He just doesn’t want you. That’s not something to hold against him, how could it be? He doesn’t owe you romance just because you want it with him. You’ll cherish his friendship, his strictly platonic affection, but you’ll let any thought of a relationship with him go. 

You’ll be all the better for it. 

And so you stand in the communal living room, rechecking your Taylor Swift themed tote bag that you’ve kept everything you need. You had taught Bucky how to bake his favourite brownies the other day, so you packed a few of those in case he gets hungry. Your favourite crisps, drinks for the both of you. Headphones, a charger for your phone, a claw clip to tie up your hair if it gets too hot, car keys, wallet…

It’s sunny outside, so you’ve opted for a long, maxi summer dress in a dark dusty rose colour and covered in gorgeous flowers, golden hoops and necklace like always, and your hair falls over your back loose and natural with a small accent braid weaving through the strands. You’ve also kept the makeup light — blush, kohl and mascara, and a tinted lip balm. You feel oddly good about your appearance, when you’re not in front of anyone else. When there’s nobody else to compare yourself to, you allow yourself to feel pretty. You throw on a thin white cardigan, grab your tote bag and head over to Bucky’s room to collect him.

You two are going out today. And you plan on buying him a surplus of items, all because of the massively fat pay check you get given courtesy of Tony. You’ll also be taking the subway, something Bucky’s a bit afraid of, but—

You almost crash into Steve when you turn the corner, in your mind being preoccupied with making an itinerary of where you’re going. He catches you, grabbing you around the arms. The both of you are a little on edge, given the failed outing of a few nights ago, but you had let him down gently. You did tell him you want to stay friends, even as he looked embarrassed and laughed about it. You didn’t tell him about your crush on Bucky, having decided to keep it under strict lock and key after being consumed by the feeling of wanting to kiss Bucky instead. You knew, in that moment, that nothing would've made him feel worse. You meet Steve’s pale blue eyes, offering him an apologetic smile.

“Oh my God, Steve. I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there. Did I hurt you?” He shakes his head, chuckling at your panic.

“No, no. I’m completely fine. Don’t worry, dear. You look good.” He compliments you fondly, eyeing you up and down once. You smile, forgetting the initial panic that surged through your system.

You take the compliment at face value. “Thank you, Steve. That’s really nice of you.”

“Where are you going today?” He asks in polite conversation. You’ve already talked about this, about where you’re off to. Maybe he forgot.

“Oh, Bucky and I are going downtown today! I was planning on getting him some new clothes, you know, his current closet seems a little out of date. We’ll probably be back by 7 at the latest, but it depends on how picky he is, you know him. Oh, and before I forget, Denise is in charge while I’m away. Mr Fury and Mr Stark haven’t told us that there’s any major missions today, so it’s mainly the barebones team, so if anything happens today, you report to her. I’d much prefer to enjoy my first day out in months, but in case of absolute emergencies, of course you can contact me, alright? You’re the most responsible one of the bunch, so I’m trusting you to spread the message for me.” You gently squeeze his arm in reassurance. 

“Yeah, will do. You have fun today, okay? I’ll try my best to make sure nobody gets in a housefire or something. You’re one of the hardest working people I know, dear. You deserve this. And trust me, if you’re the one picking out the outfits, you could put him in a hot pink suit bejewelled to high heaven and he’d wear it happily.” 

You mouth drops. “You know what, that’s an amazing idea, thank you.” He laughs at that, and you smile. You’ve always been treated by past-partners like you’re the most unfunny person on the planet, like your jokes are tolerated and not laughed at. So it always surprises you when people find you funny. You welcome it, but it feels strange nonetheless.

And then Bucky appears, slinging an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him. “Ah, the prodigal super soldier emerges,” you say, hand wrapping around his back almost stiffly as you try to calm your aching heart at the sight.

You know this will haunt you, when you’re feeling down on yourself. You’ll clutch at your chest once again, feeling stupid at the fact you ever thought this Adonis of a man would ever look at you twice. Why would he?

But for now, his friendship is enough. It has to be.

“Uh huh. Should we go, doll?” He tilts his head extremely close to yours, and it takes every conscious muscle in your body to stop yourself from closing your eyes. No need to embarrass yourself.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” You turn to the other supersoldier in the room, currently being the one left out. “Bye Steve. Please tell everyone what I told you.” He nods.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” You smile and let Bucky lead you away, waving a quick goodbye over your shoulder.

“I wanted to ask, was last night awkward?” You try to ignore the comment as you both walk down the street, heading to his favourite bistro for breakfast. The sun is shining, the streets smell like something that isn’t piss, and you’re spending the day with your favourite person.

“Hm, no not really.” He stops the both of you at a busy intersection, pulling you into an alley, and pushing you against the wall. His arm is still secure around your waist so your back doesn’t crash too hard against the eroding brick and mortar, but unfortunately that means your hands end up on his…firm chest, and your thumbs can’t help but soothingly stroke from side to side. You can’t meet his eyes.

“Then why are you avoiding eye contact? Is there something I did wrong? Are you upset with me? Look at me, doll. Please.” His tone is pleading, borderline pathetic, but neither of you care. Your eyes meet his, and you try your best to not get lost in his eyes like sinking ships, so inviting that it takes everything in you to not jump.

To not kiss him. You crave to know what his lips taste like, but you shouldn’t. You keep trying to bury these intense feelings, and yet they keep building up like waves and crash over your grave, resurrecting you. And it feels amazing to be alive.

“I’m just…awkward about these kinda things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Sex. I mean, I heard you through the wall with Camille. And then, ten minutes later you were speaking to me like you weren’t just doing…all of that. It’s strange. I—“

“Do you think it’s bad? That I’m having sex?”

“I…what? No. No, no, Bucky, I’m not shaming you for having sex, God knows I should be the last one judging you for that…it’s just…I’m not used to that. People I’m close to... we all talk about it a while after...you know. I’m just not used to hearing you have sex and then seeing your face, like, ten minutes after. That’s all.” You smile then, touching his cheek as a way to assure him you’re telling the truth. Half of it, at least.

He leans into it so sweetly. “Okay. If that’s all, then… We should get going.” You nod, despite every bone in your body protesting moving away from this intimate moment. He feels the same, because every fear he’s ever had disappears at the warmth of your hand on his face. His eyes travel to your lips and you fix yourself, smoothing down your dress.

“You look absolutely beautiful in your outfit, by the way.” He silently adores you as you double check nothing’s been stolen from your bag, although you doubt someone is going to sneak between you two what with your hyper vigilance and Bucky’s enhanced senses.

You laugh. “You always think I look beautiful no matter what I wear. Even if I wore your sweatpants, you’d still say the same.” Smoke covers the both of you in a misty haze, but he swears he’s never seen you any clearer.

“Because you still look beautiful to me. You always do. Just accept the compliment, will you? You know you don’t have to work hard to deserve compliments, don’t you? They should be freely given.” He strokes your hair, admiring the tiny braid in between his fingers.

“I’m learning to.” You both smile at each other, and you let yourself feel the sweet swell of your heart, for once. Maybe that’s what will work. You just need to feel it all, and get it all out of your system. That’s how you end your crush on Bucky — feel until your reservoirs are empty, until you look over him one day and see nothing more than a good friend, a best friend even. It might takes years, it might even be next week. But this is your plan. 

“Now, should we go?” You extend your hand in a silent offering, to reconnect the bridge that you had temporarily abandoned in your moonlit insanity. He takes it, placing his metal hand firmly in your grasp and interlocking fingers. You notice how he’s wearing long sleeves and gloves, even in this peculiar hot day in November.  He must be boiling in that leather jacket.

For now, you lean into him, into his warmth even though you can feel yourself start to sweat, and you both walk hand in hand. To any outsider looking in, you two paint the picture of the perfect couple. You admire the red and orange leaves against a sky the colour of the eyes that are trained on you — memorising the curve of your nose and the pillow of your lips. In the bistro, you two sit comfortably close together, laughing silently over everything and nothing — like you’ve been dating for years.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, the both of you laughing like everything’s funny. Like teenagers on the first date — giddy and carefree. Your phone doesn’t buzz once, and you love the feeling of Bucky’s hands on you. He always loves to touch you, whether it’s tracing your palms or leaning his chin on your shoulder in the subway because you’re on his lap in the only spare seat available. You love it too, never knowing someone would be so eager, so desperate to touch you and feel you so innocently.

You’ve always felt shunned — like you’re only worth touching for a partner’s sexual satisfaction, and other times you were made to be ignored and tolerated. But if even a friend can cherish you in this special, sacred way, you can’t help but imagine what a true, enamoured lover would do.

Both of you want it, can feel that your feelings could be something worth a forever and a half — but of course, misunderstandings have to get in the way.

They always do.

NEXT PART

[angelkiyo]

miya atsumu + miya osamu x reader : did it first

a/n: very cringe but yk im trying it! mature themes ahead, infidelity, cigarettes and alcohol mentioned. toxic relationship with osamu and atsumu. y/n is a bop, i fear

you felt the hairs at the back of your head stand up and goosebumps decorate your skin as you felt atsumu miya’s chin lay against your shoulder. he took off the necklace of his initial off you gently, grasping it in his hand. you shuddered as you looked at the two of you in the mirror in front of you and felt his big calloused hands wrapped around your waist, his long fingers playing with the ends of your black silk pajama shirt, “you look so pretty f’me, baby…” he gave you his signature smile. you smiled at him as you grabbed his hands with your own, getting the necklace, and turned around to face him, “you’re really pretty too, my love.”

you wrapped your arms around his neck as he did too with your waist and caressed his hair, “have fun!” atsumu grabbed your hand and kissed the back side of it, “I’ll see you later, okay?” you smiled and nodded, “okay, be safe!” he gave you one last smile before shutting the door of your apartment.

your boyfriend osamu had told you that he, his brother, and a few of his co workers were going to go to the club and he might return late. he had asked you with time and you were grateful. your boyfriend was careful and cautious regarding you.

he just wasn’t so careful and cautious regarding the other people he had been sleeping with.

you found out he had been cheating on you after going through his phone when he was in the shower five days ago. you felt frustrated from the constant notifications from his electronic watch on your bedstand and went to close off his phone, where you found them.

you trusted him, you really did. he made himself out to be the “better twin”. you’ve always been a romantic and thought that maybe this would be one of the nice times where opposites do attract. you'd been cleaning up your apartment, thinking about your relationship. then, your phone went off, catching your attention.

atsumu…? it hasn't even been an hour yet?

you had been friends with atsumu longer than you have with osamu. you two took two classes together during college and have been friends since. he’s one of, if not your best friend.

“hey, what’s up?”

along with being your "side piece" if you could even call him that. he had a girlfriend too. but didn't care cheating on her four days ago after you found osamu's messages. he needed a cathartic release too.

you felt atsumu smile as he cleared his raspy throat, “what are you doing right now?”

“nothing? why? what happened? are you okay?”

you heard him clear his throat and blew something, “im fine, im at a club so ill text you the address.”

your eyes widened at the mention of a club and felt a pit in your stomach grow. your first thought was osamu. you then looked at yourself in the mirror and got ready. if you’re going to hypothetically confront him if that is what atsumu is hinting at, you might as well look better than the bitch upstaging you.

you met atsumu at some new club in shibuya, finding him on the second floor balcony of the club in a black undershirt and jeans, his gold chains and rings decorating his neck and fingers as he held a cigarette in between his index and middle finger, “took you long enough.”

he turned to you as his breath hitched, you’re still as beautiful as ever to him, “you look good.”

his smile faded as his lips shifted into a fine line, his index pointing at osamu on the first floor, making out with women left and right. he appeared to have a busted lip and cuts on his face but still was able to hit on women. he was very attractive either way and those injuries added edge to his appearance. he clearly looked intoxicated. “i wanted to show you before you didn’t believe me and i tried to interfere but i figured letting you know first is wiser.”

next thing you knew, you grabbed atsumu’s calloused hand down to the first floor of the club, “can you -?” you felt an adrenaline rush course through you. of course. you were in a night club and beside your ‘boyfriend’s’ twin brother in a situation where he was the one to let you know of the infidelity. it was almost too good to pass up.

i mean you cheated too, but he did it first.

he gave you a playful smirk and went along with it, tapping his cigarette and rubbed it on the ashtray beside him, “anything to help.” the two of you ordered the strongest drinks available in the club and you got tipsy quick.

once on the dance floor, you hung your arms around his neck as his arms were around your waist, pulling the both of you closer to each other and creating undeniable tension between you both as you two started dancing to the music. the heat and rowdiness of the club got to you. you felt yourself turn into putty as you danced with atsumu, who was looking at you like an art piece at the louvre. you saw his eyes narrow towards someone else, as he gave you a spin, making your backside face him as he held your hands while swaying and grinding against you. you took a good look at osamu as you two made eye contact, noticing his dark expression. your lips parted as you panted from the rush you felt. osamu got off the ladies he was with and grabbed you by the waist to dance, giving atsumu a look for him to ‘fuck off’ osamu took that as a chance to talk to you.

osamu ran his fingers through his raven hair as he leaned towards your ear and laughed, “did you really think you were going to cheat on me with my brother?”

you gave him a sneer, “did you really think you were going to cheat and i wasn’t going to find out?” he let out a deep and raspy laugh, “so you saw?”

you nodded as osamu gave you a spin, making him clear his throat, “well fuck, i wouldn’t have done that in the first place anyway if i didn’t find tsumu breaking up with his girlfriend over you.”

he looked at you accusingly, “you probably fucked my brother.”

you glared your eyes as you came closer onto him, as the tips of your noses touched each other, "fuck you." you look at osamu again before shoving him lightly away from you, making him scoff and run his fingers through his hair again as you walked away from the club, meeting atsumu at the parking lot.

you felt like a hypocrite. you did feel guilty. atsumu miya was an amazing person and you didn't mean to use him for collateral damage from your relationship with his brother.

atsumu was sitting on the hood of his black mercedes and raised his head slightly as he looked up to you from his phone, "so i figure the conversation with my brother wasn't great?"

you nodded and clicked your tongue, "no, it didn't."

atsumu's eyes softened, "he doesn't deserve you..."

you just couldn't deny that you've grown feelings for him too.

you leaned towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck , making his arms lay on your waist above your ass, "wanna spend the night at my place?"

he gave you his signature lazy smile, "say less, princess."

.

.

.

a/n - i fear i made y/n a bop but its inspired from the song saurrrr. guys dm me feedback bc this is not edited so!

[genderkoolaid]

actually fuck it im gonna deconstruct this carrds shitty argument about bi dykes and stereotypes

"Every woman is attracted to men in some capacity, even lesbians." The implication is that lesbians can be attracted to men, which is LESBOPHOBIC.

Again: bisexual women who used to identify as lesbians until they found themselves attracted to a man can also be used to say that all lesbians are attracted to men.

"It's possible for lesbians to be in a healthy romantic or sexual relationship with men." This is blatantly LESBOPHOBIC, as lesbians are often pressured to enter relationships with men (compulsory heterosexuality).

This one is just fucking ridiculous. It is not up to you to define what a healthy relationship is for other people. To suggest that any relationship between a self-identified relationship and a man must be unhealthy deprives the lesbian of the autonomy to decide how they feel about their relationships. Even if the lesbian ends up not wanting to date or fuck men- there are lesbians who dated men and have nothing but fondness for the relationship, they just realized it wasn't for them. This is like saying its impossible for an asexual to have a healthy sexual relationship or for an aromantic to have a healthy romantic one.

"Bisexuality is a phase. Bi people always end up picking a side." The implication is that bisexuality does not really exist and that the bisexual label is just a temporary placeholder until they find their real identity, which is blatantly BIPHOBIC.

See the first statement but in reverse. This would suggest that lesbians who used to identify as bisexual- perhaps because of that compulsory heterosexuality that exclus love to throw around as the answer anytime a dyke does something they don't agree with- are being biphobic because they can be used as "proof" that bisexuals will always "pick a side." If we are judging the worth of person's identity based on how it can be used by queerphobes, we have already fucking lost.

"Bisexuality means that you're equally attracted to men and women." The implication is that you're no longer bisexual if you have a preference for one gender is BIPHOBIC. "You cannot be bisexual unless you date both men and women." The implication is that you're not bisexual anymore if you don't have dating history to "prove it", which is BIPHOBIC. "Bisexuality means that you're half-gay half-straight / part-gay part-straight." By supporting bi lesbians (and bi gay men or bi straight people) you're treating bisexuality as a modifier rather than a full identity, which is BIPHOBIC

grouping all these together because they are essentially the same argument: "bi lesbian meaning this which means that "bisexual" must mean that!!!!" which is not true. Bi lesbians existing do not mean anything for other bisexuals' definition of their identities, & the same applies for lesbians.

Some trans men define their manhood as being just like a cis man, but in a female body. They may transition and no longer identify as trans. Meanwhile, other trans men feel like their manhood is fundamentally trans, and while they and cis men may both be equally male, their manhood is fundamentally different to cis man's.

By the above logic, the second group is TRANSPHOBIC because they "say" that trans men can't be the same as cis men. Unless.... just maybe........ we consider that one label can be used to describe a multitude of experiences........

Of course, the creator of this carrd couldn't stand for that idea. Since their second argument as to why bi dykes are bad is:

"We have created these labels to understand ourselves and each other and to effectively communicate with one another. Once you abstract it to the point where it is impossible to communicate an idea to another person without them having to ask for further clarification, those labels lose their functionality and become useless."

Which is funny, because there are plenty of bi lesbians who are active in both their local bisexual and lesbian communities without issue. Because they can still effectively communicate; people, surprisingly, have the ability to understand abstract concepts and nuanced identities.

Not every asexual never wants sex; there are asexuals who enjoy sex. The fact that you can't assume every asexual is nonsexual does not pose this great, existential threat to asexuals who don't fuck. The fact that you have to ask people things about them & can't just assume based off of a single label is not the end of communication itself, actually. If "lesbian" tells you that someone is attracted to women, either in a WLW way or in a way that is rooted in lesbian culture, then all you have to fucking do is not assume that they never fuck or date men.

The problem is, of course, that most of these people are "anti-TERF" radfems who don't realize it, and they have gotten in their brains that if there is no special "women only" term then the entire fucking world will collapse into a blighted misogynistic hellscape. And of course they don't need to think critically about why they feel this way, they just know its bad... but they think trans women can be lesbians so it has nothing to do with TERFs and how dare you imply it does!!!!!

[rebuke-me]

actually sorry i'm making this a separate post too so i can put it in the tag and itll show up. if u read my reblog on my previous post its literally just the same material sorry.

long post of my analysis of gender, tropes, and the musical be more chill ahead

so. i'm going to start with the wider overarching ideas of teen romcoms. im mostly thinking the mean girls/princess diaries/that sort of movie. early 2000s kind of cheesy kind of problematic at points but still having that nostalgia.

in most of these sort of movies, theres a very structured plot. the lead girl is an outcast, a weirdo. she's either childish or unattractive or a nerd or a loner. she frequently has a best friend (or a few) who are somehow more of insert "undesirable" trait here. usually, this best friend is also more eccentric, more outwardly strange, rejects the idea of the popularity.

the lead girl also has a crush on a guy who's unattainable, he's interesting to her, she's never talked to him a day in her life but she swoons over him. she's in love with the idea of A Boy. (and frequently, the guy has caught the attention of a popular girl who functions as her rival, whos prettier, and better liked, and has more of the traits the main girl desires.) she sees her male crush with the popular girl and loses hope.

the lead girl gets a chance to change her life- maybe she's noticed by a popular girl- who offers her a chance to be something else for seemingly arbitrary reasons. through this, she gets a makeover, a way to be as pretty as the girl shes a rival of. she also lies or embellishes herself to be attractive to people around her, especially the guy she likes.

the girl climbs the social ladder, she gains the attention of the popular boys and the romance she's been craving. she's desirable now. (and sometimes shes desirable in ways that aren't good for her, sometimes shes used as a way to show off or make people jealous, not for her, but for what she's become). she goes to a party that goes horribly wrong. her quirky weird best friend blows up at her.

the main girl also sees the intricacies of people she's never thought to have flaws, to have issues. even the girl who she's competing over a guy with. she realizes that idealizing people who are just like her, deep down, doesn't work. she hits rock bottom, loses everything, and then has to forcefully gain it back, make things right, and then she gets the guy at the end.

every single one of those plot points happens in be more chill, but everything is genderflipped. the main girl becomes jeremy, an insecure guy, making the narrative more about toxic masculinity than toxic femininity. the insults are about jeremy's looks, yes, but more prominently about his sexuality- something that men are traditionally a lot more insecure about than women, in most cases. he's a hopeless romantic. he's insecure. he's awkward and anxious. he's all the traits of a traditional teen movie romcom protagonist, but male.

the quirky girl best friend becomes michael, whos the outgoing, exuberant, eccentric friend. he's at a different place in his life than jeremy, whos fixated on popularity. he gets upset when his friend changes and leaves him behind.

the Male Love Interest becomes christine- unattainable but excitable. she's more than just a hunk for the main lead to be attracted to, but she serves the purpose of getting jeremy out of his comfort zone.

the popular girls become two separate archetypes of maleness, with jake and rich. jake takes on the romantic lead- popular, cool, athletic, effortlessly attractive, and the rival of the lead for the romantic attraction of the love interest. he's still operating under toxic masculinity. he lashes out with anger, he's not kind at times, he's seen as unintelligent.

rich takes on the almost gretchen-weiners-esque "popular girl" role. he's still popular and cool, but he's almost trying too hard. he's just as angry and aggressive, he's trying hard to be something he's not. he's also the one whos an analog for queerness, which is an interesting flip- think the "its like you're in love with me or something" bit from mean girls. he's the one who offers jeremy a chance for something different, a do-over.

the squip, while not a direct analog for anything in traditional romcom movies (since its kind of a nebulous. scifi concept) stands in for the literal themes of these sorts of stories. its toxic masculinity, its popularity, its the voice in your head telling you to tear others down, to pry out information, to push your way to the top.

the popular girls are particularly interesting, because as individuals, they kind of mess around with everything a bit. while everything else has been pretty cut and dry, they're all a mix of a bunch of things. they serve the roles of the popular guys in these sorts of scenarios while being very stereotypically feminine.

chloe is the mean girl, the leader of the pack. in teen movies, she'd be the star quarterback, the ex of the romantic rival, the one who is the peak of toxic masculinity- which the musical flips to make about toxic femininity with her (and brooke.)

the next paragraph is going to talk about Do You Wanna Hang and touch on SA, if you don't want to read it, skip to the next italicized section.

chloe also functions as something all too common in teen movies. she pushes jeremy into a sexual encounter he doesn't want to be in. she's not even interesting in him, as a person, but him as an object, something usually reserved for women in fiction. she does it as a power play, a way to get back at other people. she attacks his looks, his attitude, and this is when the downsides of "being popular" start to reveal themselves. (side note, this is an INCREDIBLY problematic trope to me, especially in its original form, because it enhances the idea of "if youre attractive you want this" type deal. a what were you wearing sort of attitude towards sexual assault. instead of treating it like a tragedy, its almost a status symbol.) and because the main character is a male- its never addressed further. its brought up in a singular line between the popular "guy" stand-ins.

i am done talking about this topic you're safe now

brooke is also intriguing, because shes one of the only characters in this concept that doesn't seem to have a direct parallel. if i'd have to give her something, i'd probably mark her down as the male sidekick to the popular guy, the one who doesn't get anything other than being the best friend. but she does get something, by virtue of her being a girl now. she's a viable love interest, or at least a status symbol.

jenna falls into a similar category to me- a character who only serves to bolster the reputation of the main character. she takes on the role of information spreader, which is a traditionally feminine role.

i could also talk about how i think that its interesting that while most of the actions in be more chill that are given to people of opposite genders (e.g. romantic rival, call to popularity, quirky best friend, the Do You Wanna Hang problem) the MOTIVATIONS for the actions are still aligning with the gender of the characters. like, rather than the gender of the original trope. if that makes sense.

anyways i scrolled back and realized i had like 10 paragraphs im gonna stop now but. yeah. gender in bmc is fascinating to me