#maybe over winter break. im dying

[jellyboy-arts]

my boys. hold him like fishing trophy

[drvscarlett]

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

Alex Albon x Horner!Reader

Summary: Max Verstappen and Sebastian Vettel may be Christian's favorites. But Y/N Horner has her own favorites.

The Tortured Drivers' Department series

A/N: one of my favorite tracks and i hope i could give it justice. let me know what you folks think

Taglist. @tea-bobba @boiohboii @c-losur3 @haikyuen @stelena-klayley @stinkyjax @0710khj @jinimon-tr

I'll tell you something right now you ain't gotta pray for me Me and my wild boy and all of this wild joy

LittleMissY/N what a fun winter break bonding before the 2019 season starts. aren't we cute #GiveYouButterflyWings

PierreGasly the disrespect, my face is cut off after taking so many photos of you!!!

LittleMissY/N sorry not sorry PierreGasly Seb is also upset that you didn't even include him in that photo. LittleMissY/N tell the man to make an ig first.

MaxVerstappen33 why did the rookie get a solo shot before I did???

LittleMissY/N don't be jealous maxie, atleast you're still in the family mantle MaxVerstappen33 you are not slick Y/N tsk, im telling your dad LittleMissY/N respectfully, fuck off!

Alex_Albon it was nice meeting you Y/N!

LittleMissY/N its so good to meet you too alex :))) PierreGasly suspicious behavior!

User3 enjoy your time out there with the boys!

User5 anyone notices how Y/N is literally teasing everyone and then when it comes to alex she seems shy

User7 I smell a crushhhh User9 be for real, maybe its because alex is a rookie and Y/N didn't bond well with him yet.

LittleMissY/N dad took me to work and not bad for a rookie!

ChristianHorner I'm not taking you to work again

LittleMissY/N don't you miss me?? i thought you missed me ChristianHorner not anymore LittleMissY/N too bad, im applying for a job in f1

PierreGasly are you even watching the race??

LittleMissY/N yeah, you missed the points lmao! PierreGasly i hate you

Alex_Albon not a really good start for me but I'll try better next time!

LittleMissY/N dont stress, you have plenty more opportunities to do well! I'll see you next GP? Alex_Albon of course, I mean I'm being paid to drive that car hahaha LittleMissY/N you're funny PierreGasly are you seeing this MaxVerstappen33 MaxVerstappen33 im dying out of laughter LittleMissY/N I'm gonna pay your mechanics to miss out a few screws

User5 she is so pretty!!! how come she is christian's daughter?

User7 I met her during FP1 and girlie is so in love with a driver

User8 i think we know why Y/N is coming around the races.

Alex_Albon happy to get some points for today! My first in my rookie year!

User2 Amazing job today Alex

User3 Alex Albon, you make us all proud!!!

LittleMissY/N GET IN THERE ALEX!!!!! BLOODY AMAZING!!! SUPERB DRIVE!!!

Alex_Albon thanks Y/N, i can hear you shouting from Red Bull to Toro Rosso LittleMissY/N this is amazing news and everyone has to hear it!!!!!

User5 alex and Y/N are so cuteeee!!! Y/N is so excited for Alex's first points

User7 anyone else ships Y/N and Alex??

F1Fans OOF! Albon suffers a big crash during the practice session in Shanghai. Do we think choosing Albon is the right choice for this season?

User1 nasty crash, too bad that he will be missing qualifying.

User2 c'mon be a little more lenient to the guy, shanghai is a difficult track

User3 should be sacked tbh

User4 why are they allowing albon to drive? he isn't that good.

LittleMissY/N oh get over yourself. i bet you can't even drive an f1 car even if you tried. Drivers crash every now and then, Alex Albon is a fantastic driver that's why Toro Rosso got him. This is just a bad weekend for him but I'm sure he will bounce back for the actual race. User7 my surprise when I realize that its actually Y/N Horner defending Alex Albon's honor User8 we love Y/N in this household.

User9 praying for a better race results for Alex

PierreGasly posted a story...

LittleMissY/N replied: HOW DARE YOUUU???? WHO IS THAT RAT???

LittleMissY/N but tbh thats a genuine reaction. imagine starting from p20 and ending up into p10??? LittleMissY/N OH PIERRE QUIT IGNORING ME! LittleMissY/N i hate you so much

Alex_Albon replied: oh no, what happened to her??

PierreGasly your biggest fan has a bit of a teary moments. She is currently filling up my DMs with how much of an amazing driver you are Alex_Albon that's really nice of Y/N

MaxVerstappen33 replied: man Y/N is down bad

PierreGasly i knowwww MaxVerstappen33 christian just walked in to ask if Y/N has a crush on Alex PierreGasly its so obvioussss MaxVerstappen33 well except for alex lol

GeorgeRussell63 with my best mate Alex_Albon !!

LittleMissY/N Well hello there georgie

GeorgeRussell63 hello miss Y/N Horner, what are you doing around here?? LittleMissY/N just saw you tag alex and figured i should say hi to his bestie GeorgeRussell63 im watching you LittleMissY/N ditto :))

Alex_Albon we look good there!

LittleMissY/N you look extremely handsome there Alex MaxVerstappen33 simppppp LittleMissY/N im gonna crash your car

User5 another bestfriends making it to formula 1 together

User7 its so funny how Y/N shows up in any tagged photos of alex, miss maam you are whippedt!!!

LittleMissY/N I'm off to crash anyone who crashes him in the next race. Mark my words!!!!!!!! Still a great drive from AA, my favorite driver <3

Alex_Albon thanks so much for the support Y/N. No need to crash to anyone

LittleMissY/N okay but my offer will always stand

PierreGasly you are sooooo down bad

LittleMissY/N I'm going to put you down

User6 is Y/N, Alex's girlfriend.

User7 i think she likes him and alex is so oblivious User9 yeah, Y/N likes alex so much LittleMissY/N shut it.

User11 i just love how supportive she is with alex being a rookie and all

ROOKIE ALBON DEFENDS Y/N HORNER.

In a recent interview, someone made a mistake of putting Y/N Horner in a bad light. Not to worry because Toro Rosso driver, Alex Albon is there to rescue. The whole thing starts with a simple question of what does Y/N contributes to the team to which Albon answers that Y/N is the social media manager. The interviewer made the mistake of commenting how anyone could do that job. This statement seems to anger the rookie as he defends her by listing down her educational achievements and how her role is important to the team. Albon refused to answer any question with that reporter and Christian Horner has placed an indefinite ban for his drivers to speak with the reporter.

LittleMissY/N when he defends you:

PierreGasly i would have hit that reporter's face if i was there

LittleMissY/N awww pierre, i knew you always had a soft spot for me. PierreGasly only we (max, seb, danny, and me) can make fun of you MaxVerstappen33 facts! LittleMissY/N good to know

User4 red bull boys lining up to protect their princess

User5 i swear, aren't they together yet???

GeorgeRussell63 when did i consent being posted as a meme???

LittleMissY/N since you became my new bestieeeee GeorgeRussell63 i also don't recall consenting to that LittleMissY/N its only a matter of time before you accept it.

LittleMissY/N gonna miss you so much pierreeeeeee anw time to transfer to red bull

User4 not the black and white photo

User5 its so weird to swap teammates in the middle of the season

PierreGasly dumbass.

LittleMissY/N I'll continue cheering you on always PierreGasly aren't you the sweetest? LittleMissY/N this is available for a limited time only

Alex_Albon thanks for the welcome again to RB maxverstappen33 LittleMissY/N

PierreGasly hey i gave you my seat, a little thank u would be great Alex_Albon thank you Pierre LittleMissY/N stop fighting alex, he is so kind PierreGasly oh c'mon!!!! MaxVerstappen33 mate, Y/N will always drop us for Alex. Dont forget that LittleMissY/N smartest person as ever Max

Alex_Albon the car is feeling really good for my first race in Red Bull. Good race from p14 to p5!

LittleMissY/N PROUD OF YOU ALEX!!! THAT WAS AN AMAZING DRIVE

User1 i swear Y/N you have notifs on for alex Alex_Albon thank you Y/N!!!

User3 Alex really deserves to be moved up with that RB seat

User4 RB proving themselves to be a big challenge to Mercedes this year

User5 sucks that max dnf this race, just imagine the next race where they can be stronger!!!!

LittleMissY/N i hate corona so much but im facetiming my bestfriend Alex and life seems a little bit better. Stay safe everyone

PierreGasly my beSTfrIend Alex

LittleMissY/N go to hell Pierre PierreGasly lolololollllll whippedt culture

User5 im pretty sure you miss the races as much as we do

LittleMissY/N for real but we have to make sure that its safe to race again

User5 queen Y/N!

User8 i love their little livestream on twitch every now and then. Its the best thing to pass time

User10 love you queen Y/N

LittleMissY/N BACK TO RACING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

Alex_Albon quite excited to support us again?

LittleMissY/N of course, im red bull's biggest fan! MaxVerstappen33 red bull fan or alex albon fan? LittleMissY/N its good for you to know your place luv

User7 ITS RACE WEEKEND!!!

User8 look at them wearing masks, you should all do that too

User9 i cant tell you how much i missed races

F1Fans ICYMI, Checo Perez is getting that second Red Bull seat in 2021.

User1 wow checo??? congrats man!

User2 what about alex???

User3 im pretty sure a certain Horner is not happy with the decision User4 Im actually waiting for her reaction

LittleMissY/N AND THIS IS HOW I WILL FIND OUT????

LittleMissY/N you broke this family apart ChristianHorner LittleMissY/N BUT WHY???? User7 Y/N is just like us for real

User8 good riddance for albon, max needs a better teammate

User10 the only reason why albon has this seat is because Y/N Horner likes him a lot. LittleMissY/N everything that alex does is based on his pure talent. My dad won't even let me into meetings that's why im just as surprised as everyone regarding this decision. and fyi im gonna send this to my lawyers. User9 don't play with Y/N when it comes to alex.

LittleMissY/N Grill the grid episode, the one where I made them cook for my birthday

ChristianHorner happy birthday dear

User1 happy birthday to our queen, i hope lando made something edible for you!

User3 look at Y/N's birthday full of red bull current, former, and reserve drivers

PierreGasly sorry I couldn't make it but happy birthday to my soul sister

MaxVerstappen1 hoping for more birthdays for you Y/N

Schecoperez happy birthday hermana!

CarlosSainz55 Happy birthday little miss Y/N

Alex_Albon Happy birthday Y/N, hope you like your birthday!

LittleMissY/N thanks alex <3 User4 everyone been commenting on her post but she only responded to alex User9 girlie u r so whipped!!!

GeorgeRussell63 I wish you can get a seat next year mate

User5 i know, i think alex is wasting his potential being red bull's reserve driver

User7 right?? checo's chemistry with max is really good and i dont think christian will sacrifice that User8 i just want a decent team for alex

LittleMissY/N Are you cooking something georgie?

GeorgeRussell63 that depends, are you helping? LittleMissY/N for our common friend, absolutely User9 now what does this mean???? User10 anyone wanna tell me what's george and y/n conspiring together???

F1Fans No news about Albon's contract in 2022 and today we have seen Albon talking with Christian. It doesn't seem like its about contract renewal.

User2 anyone wanna bet that Christian is talking to Alex about Y/N

User3 what is going on, where will Alex be in 2022

User4 if alex switches teams then would Y/N switch too?

User5 i mean she already did it with toro rosso and red bull User6 but this is like the same group. What if Albon goes to Mercedes or McLaren, would Y/N join there too?? User7 blood is thicker than water everyone User5 i dont think yall understand how much of a simp Y/N is that she can go anywhere Alex goes.

User9 i just want alex to be in an f1 seat in 2022.

LittleMissY/N new hair, new color!

MaxVerstappen1 booooooooo!!! navy blue supremacy

LittleMissY/N i won't be taking any fashion advice from the man who literally wears only Red Bull merch. MaxVerstappen1 hey once upon a time you were always wearing our team merch especially when its no. 23 LittleMissY/N have fun crashing in the next race.

WilliamsRacing we like the color! Suits you!

User1 what is going onnnnn User2 i think alex is transferring to williams RedBullRacing im watching you

RedBullRacing we miss you queen!

LittleMissY/N aww, miss you!

WilliamsRacing Albon joins Williams for 2022! He will be partnering up with Nicholas Latifi, who retains his seat.

LittleMissY/N LETS GO!!!!!! FINALLY, ALBON BACK IN AN F1 SEAT

User1 Trying to beat Y/N in commenting and liking first, failed.

User3 so this is what george and Y/N is cooking.

User8 goodluck to alex!!!

User7 hoping that this time around, he can stick around for the long run.

Alex_Albon seas the day

User1 OMG BOYFRIEND ALEX????

User3 i think my bestie Y/N is crying somewhere rn

User4 i didn't expect alex has a girlfriend

User5 alex?? what are you doing?? this isn't Y/N

User7 have fun at your vacation alex!!!1

MaxVerstappen1 mate, who is she??

PierreGasly you should have warned us you were softlaunching someone

CarlosSainz55 congrats with the relationship bro!

Alex_Albon exploring the city with her.

User5 she takes so good photos of alex!

User7 queen Y/N its been 36 days since you last commented

User8 i fear girlie is heartbroken User9 i hope Y/N is okay

User10 alex and his girl are so perfect together

MaxVerstappen1 who is she alex??? cmon answer your phone

PierreGasly I swear were not sent by Christian to ask about this new girl of yours

WilliamsRacing pretty girl for a pretty boy!

Alex_Albon indeed <3

LittleMissY/N unbothered queen, so sorry for stabbing you GirlInRed

GirlInRed it hurts kind of little but anything for your therapy

User4 not Y/N fake stabbing someone because of Alex's girl

User6 this is so funny, Y/N

User8 so beautiful! you deserve better

MaxVerstappen1 well you know violence isn't always the answer.

LittleMissY/N oh really coming from you? MaxVerstappen1 cmon, I'll pick you up. Tell me where you are and lets talk LittleMissY/N i don't need to talk, im happy where i am

PierreGasly are you sure you're okay?

LittleMissY/N I have answered you a hundred times, im fine!!!!! PierreGasly Im still getting you ice cream LittleMissY/N awww pierre, you didn't have to

Alex_Albon merry christmas everybody!

MaxVerstappen1 hold up, did i miss a chapter or something???

PierreGasly is this a joke or something???

User4 I thought you have a girlfriend???

User7 all along its Y/N??? IT WAS Y/N ALL ALONG?

User9 lucky lucky lucky

GeorgeRussell63 FINALLY! I have been laughing so much with all the conspiracy online

MaxVerstappen1 you knew and you never even told us??? LandoNorris mate why didn't you even tell me? I thought we are 2019 rookies trio Alex_Albon sorry mates, i just have to keep this a secret a little longer

WilliamsRacing what a happy couple, so can we post your photos now?

RedBullRacing she is still our girl WilliamsRacing i think you should ask her about that

LittleMissY/N thankful for almost a year and a half with you

User4 what??? A YEAR AND A HALF???

User7 this is probably going on ever since Alex has moved to Williams

User8 my romeo and juliet!

ChristianHorner why am i not informed that it has been this long?

LittleMissY/N but daddy i love him :< ChristianHorner no. LittleMissY/N but what if im carrying his baby? ChristianHorner jesus christ, tell me you are kidding. LittleMissY/N i am but see it could be worse. i mean we just hid our relationship and not an entire family. ChristianHorner fine. invite him over and lets talk LittleMissY/N yay!!!

MaxVerstappen1 who knew you could keep a secret for that long???

PierreGasly Im more surprised that she was able to bag alex, are you sure you are perfectly sane Alex_Albon? Alex_Albon well I really really love her LittleMissY/N alex :< you used the love word Alex_Albon i mean you should have been used to it when you hear it everyday from when you wake up and before you fall asleep MaxVerstappen1 YOU TWO MAKE ME SICKKKKKK!!!!! NOT IN MY COMMENT SECTION

User10 folks i think we should apply to Y/N's school of being down bad and manifesting their dream partner

User15 what a lovely couple they are, goals!!!

[theonlyheracless]

Winter Waltz

Notes :

Hello !! This is my first time writing a fic so i'm sorry if it's not up to standards </3 While reading the Winter Wonderland prompt list this idea came to mind and I just couldn't NOT write it down. So I gave writing a shot ! Constructive criticism or suggestions to help me improve are 100% welcomed 🤍

【 FILE INFO 】:

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

➣ Slight (It isn’t slight, im so sorry) ooc Dottore

➣ Dottore x gn!reader

「PROMPTS」 # 16, 23, 25

「WORD COUNT」: 647

「EVENT」: Winter Wonderland by @dustofthedailylife

↯ CW: none

It has been a while since Dottore has visited you, usually, he would be out and about executing orders from the Tsaritsa, or attending fatui meetings. Leaving his schedule packed. It was finally the month of December and you decided, why not give him a surprise visit in Snezhnaya? Christmas was coming and you wanted to spend it with Dottore, it would be your first Christmas together. Surely even the Fatui gets holiday breaks too right?

You finally stepped out onto the docks of Sneznhaya, it was a sight to behold, the land covered in a blanket of white. You clearly underestimated the temperature, this being the first time you went into the nation, it seems like you didn't have enough layers on you. You clearly lacked preparation.

Oh, oh you clearly lacked necessary preparation. Dottore has never told you the location of his lab, he never felt like he had to tell you, because he expected to be taking you to Sneznhaya. He never expected you to go on a surprise visit.

Gears started turning in your head, how am I going to make it to the lab? Will I be able to survive in this cold? Maybe if I look around for a bit I can run into a Fatui member and ask them where his lab is? Scratch that, I don't even think they know me.

“Name.” Your thought process was interrupted by a voice, a very familiar voice. You look took a glance behind you to confirm if you were hearing things or if he really was there. He is there, Dottore, in the flesh, standing and staring at you, arms crossed with a questioning look on his face.

“How?.. ” you stared back at him in bewilderment. Dottore sighs and started explaining something regarding his clones, right his clones... You couldn't catch the rest of his explanations, it was starting to get unbearably freezing. You felt something draped over your shoulders, it was a long white coat with black fur, it was the coat Dottore was wearing. "You're cold, take it. We don't want you dying during your first visit do we?" He chuckled as he started walking in a direction, the direction to his lab you assumed.

This was the very first time you were seeing actual snow, you saw them on the pictures Dottore would include when he sends mails to you, but you never saw them with your own two eyes. Not too far off into the distance you could see a frozen lake. Dottore notices your attention is focused elsewhere and looks at the direction your attention was focused to.

"Do you wanna go to the lake?" He asks. You weren't sure if you were disrupting his schedule, what if he had meetings to be in right now? Dottore, sensing your worries grabs your hand and makes a detour towards the frozen lake.

"Everyone should dance amidst the falling snowflakes at least once in their lives." He hummed offering you support while he leads you to step onto the iced lake. It was hard to get a hold of yourself at first, almost landing on your butt a couple of times if it wasn't for Dottore holding your hand.

You skated and slid across the surface of the lake, admiring the colorless landscape. Compared to you who is constantly almost in the verge of slipping every second, Dottore skid gracefully, it almost even seemed like a dance. Before you knew it, Dottore was holding you by your waist and hand, inviting you for an enthralling dance of waltz, on this grandiose stage of ice.

Pulling you in, one last time to end off the dance. "You're definitely the only person I would do this for." He murmurs, head on your shoulder, arms wrapping you in the warmest embrace. One warm enough, to brave the glacial winds of Shneznhaya.

[deviousfatestudio]

hi it's me with the copy and paste comment i realize i could of just copy and paste “BroZones talent in a bottle” part. anyway, i have questions so heres 6.

are the bros just evil or do they have guilt and stuff?

did the bros do something to grandma to you know keep branch?

will the bros ever break out of the crazy mindset the perfect harmony put them in?

i know you mention due to branch being so young when they manage to hit the perfect harmony, he not crazy, however come he not crazy like the bros in the future did they no use it at all during Thos 20 years?

does poppy make an appearance in this at all or is it just the bros?

how long was branch trapped in the bottle was it a few months like floyd was or years?

i have more but i cant think of anything.

IM SO EXCITED HELLOOOOO

You can just call it Bottle Branch au or bottle I’ll understand 😙

1) full fledged fuckers. Under the family stability rating they’re at -45% which means the brothers are not allowed anywhere NEAR their branch or any other. (Maybe…)

2) grandma is the reason branch knows of other trolls and becomes friends with them! She managed to get away with branch for a bit and that’s how he knows of poppy and the others. Creek is who tattles to the brothers about it. (Fuck creek. All my homies hate creek)

Grandma doesn’t make it through the winter. Branch blames himself

3) so by crazy mindset I mean they kinda act like canon!velvet. They go mad with fame and power and want more and they do not. At least how I have it currently. In the multiverse fic I have in mind they’re actually the main villains.

4) branch isn’t crazy because to him he just wanted to sing with his brothers. I’m realizing now what I meant was a bit misleading

More so- the perfect family harmony really pushes emotions to a high. The brothers were all thinking different things and different emotions. JD with perfection, Floyd with wanting to be famous, clay wanting to be taken seriously, and Spruce wanting to be cared for. The family harmony kinda made those go haywire but isn’t controlling them. It just pushed them over the edge they created for themselves. Think of it like drugs… kinda

Branch however was only thinking of playing with his brothers. This is one of the main reasons that even after nearly dying he still believes his brothers mean him no harm. That boy needs so much therapy.

More family harmony means more pushing those emotions and just making them sink deeper and deeper into that hole. Branch, by the time he’s the age of canon branch, quite literally obeys his brothers every command. Spruce has actually broken his arm on multiple occasions and branch apologizes to him.

5) she does! Grandma rosie puff would bring a young branch over to play. She warned poppy to not let branch’s brothers know. Poppy didn’t understand until she saw the brothers pick up branch. Branch was bruised.

6) it’s over the course of 10 years on and off. They plan to build up stock since they know too much all at once will kill branch. They also know that branch learning from other trolls boosts the talent he gives so they have him travel around. This is where some of the other trolls we know and love start noticing some shit. Especially 4 trolls branch had been super close with. (Kismet found family is a HILL I WILL FUCKING DIE ON)

By the end of it when veneer and velvet manage to save branch with the aid of p much every other troll branch is in bad shape. All the other branch’s tend to go visit him instead of him traveling around.

Branch came to full crystallization ( but reversed back like Floyd as the brothers knew how to time it) multiple times over the course of those 10 years and THAT led to a lot of damage. He usually feels cold and tired. His energy drains quickly and his singing voice, while still beautiful, is very weak. He can barely participate in dancing and singing. Most times he can walk but there are times he can’t at all. It’s bad and the slow realization his brothers actually did mean him harm makes him lose his colors possibly. Still working it out.

Kinda thinking of having viva be the whistle blower?? Or she could be fucked up like them. Not sure.

[moonjxsung]

hi star my little moonlit angel 😔💖💖

aa im having like the most stressful week and idk where to talk abt it so i hope you dont mind me dumping for a sec :((

exams are killing me rn and idk if its finals week or my final week cs holy shit i am dying 😭😭

ive been pulling all nighters trying to get all my projects and group studies done and my exams are DEF not helping in my case and idk if ive even been eating properly there's probably a spoiled banana from last week in my bag somewhere atp 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ (im going mentally insane)

i havent even properly been on tumblr in a while and my social media is blowing up w notifs and dms from friends and ive been too busy to check it either tbh

honestly im hoping itll all turn out well by next week cs is my winter break 🤧

on another note i wanted to dump on my exes when all your anons were doing it but i was too scared to but now i genuinely need to tell u abt this because umm

my fwb is like a super nice guy and ive been friends w him for a while but i recently found out hes rlly good friends with one of my exes ⁉️

basically i asked (my ex) out once and he said yes and i thought we were chill but a few friends ended up asking him if we were dating like two days later without asking me for confirmation first and he said no.. (??)

i assumed he js didnt want like a too public relationship with everyone knowing so to clarify i asked him what was up and he said he ended up having second thoughts on me because his friends called me a red flag and he doesnt like the fact that i have guy friends and im close with them.... (💀💀)

so then i said oh okay..? 😭 and was over it but almost a month later he asked me out and atp he just gave me the icks so i made an excuse saying that i wanna focus on academics and not do anything relationship wise and he said he would wait 😭😭 (he in fact did not pick up the hint!)

then a little over month later he asked me out AGAIN and i said no i dont think i like you anymore sorry and he said oh that's fine and i thought we were chill??

a week later my messages BLEW UP one day and my guy friends were all snitching on him telling me that he's gong around slutshaming me and talking shit abt me for no reason and he said i was desperate and asked him out 3 times when he said no and he was never interested in me in the first place.. and then proceeded to sexualize my body and say weird ass shit abt it to everyone and they believed that i was a desperate whore or smth 😭

this happened a year ago but i was walking down the halls around a month ago and i saw him with his friends so i just rushed past

and his friends were like "oh isnt that the bitch who liked you?" and i heard him say "oh yeah she liked me like a year ago" and then proceeded to sexualize me while i was right fucking there but i dont even want any more drama w him so i dont bother saying anything back or leaking messages or wtv i js hope karma gets back at him 😭

and now idk if i should tell my fwb abt this?? or maybe it doesnt really concern me but it bothers me that hes hanging out with a guy like that and im conflicted on what to do

its not like i have the right to tell him who to be friends with either so 🤷‍♀️

what should i dooo

-《as always, your occasionally appearing but always stalking ☘ annonie》

(p.s. do you have any spotify song reccomendations 🥺🥺)

much lovee

Pooooookie you can always vent here ily ily :(

I’m so sorry to hear you’re stressed from exams :(( I’m rooting for you okay !! Please make sure to eat whenever you can (even if it’s something small!) and stay hydrated :( what’s the use of doing good on finals if your body gives out on you :(

No I feel u on the social media thing I get SO stressed when I have DMs or texts or whatever I just flat out don’t check them. I think I have 200 unread texts rn (it’s been around 1000 at some point) and I know im such a shitty friend but I just cannot respond to them 😭😭 I gotta put me first you guys

WINTER BREAK NEXT WEEK THOOO hang in there baby it’ll get better soon 🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶

OH MY GOD???? Pookie that’s fucking disgusting I’m so sorry you’re dealing with men like that rn???? I had a veryyyy similar situation with a guy who my friend tried to set me up with at a party who kinda liked for a little bit and then when I said I was comfortable being in a relationship he started slutshaming me to everyone under the fucking SUN and apparently he had a discord group where I was just CONSTANTLY the topic of conversation and when I heard about it I cried so hard ☹️ in my case I also had people who were friends with him and I voiced to them that it made me severely uncomfortable. Like the people in my life should know about the people who wronged me (especially if I’m sleeping with them??) and it just made me feel safer. It’s obviously up to you but I would probably tell him just so that he knows that’s someone you’re weary about and you don’t feel safe around ☹️ your safety and your wellbeing is the most important thing pookie ☹️ keep me posted if you need anything at all okay I love you lots and I’m sorry you’re going through this ☹️🫶

Song recs song recs yes here are some I’ve been listening to on repeat all week (there’s only like one kpop song in there but it’s my fav kpop song of all time so TRUST it was gonna make it to the list) I’ve been listening to Glass Animals, TV Girl and M83 on repeat for the entire year I think 😭😭

I love you endlessly okay keep you chin up better days are coming for us !! 🫶🫶🫶🫶 soon it’ll be winter break and you can just sit back and drink hot chocolate and tell me all about it and say you lived through it. Hang in there my love

[sunlightandsuffering]

Nico one day being surprisingly quiet, not even trying to be good just quiet and a little sad. Eren makes the connection that it’s because father’s day & he feels a little left out so he makes the effort to give Nico something small like an ice cream & he would not stop talking about it to Mikasa, eyes filled with stars and all. She’s definitely fallen in love now if she hasn’t already.

omg help no this poor bb boy 😭😭 He has no father figures and he absolutely latches onto Eren! omg ugh help me!! HELP IM DYING THEY'RE SO CUTE!!

It's the last day of school and Eren feels melancholy.

He's thrilled to have a month basically off from his little gremlins, get some good Christmas shopping done, hangout with his family, maybe go skiing, but on the other hand he's gonna miss them all. Especially Nico, he's gonna miss picking the little tyke up after school, hanging out with him, making him hot cocoa while they wait for Mikasa to pick him up after a late shift. It's an interesting arrangement they've come up with but Eren's embraced it, he likes hanging out with Nico whether he's on the clock as Mr. Yeager or not. So, he's not sure how he feels about not seeing him for a month, because really he shouldn't bother Mikasa and Nico during the holidays, it would be inappropriate, there's no reason her son's school teacher needs to see them during Winter Break.

And yet, Eren finds himself already coming up with ridiculous excuses to visit. To make matters worse Nico is acting weird, he hasn't been causing any mischief today and instead has been sullen and silent since story time earlier in the day. Eren had even read Nico's favourite story, 'The Berenstein Bears and the Big Road Race'. To say the least, he's concerned about the little hellion. It's the end of the day now and most of the students have already left, Nico is the only one remaining stubbornly at his cubby, very slowly putting on his winter gear while Eren waits patiently at the door. "Nico, buddy do you need some help with your boots?" "No," Nico tells him loudly, continuing to shove his little feet into his velcro snow boots and Eren groans, this is going to take another ten minutes. "We don't want to make your grandma wait too long for you do we Nico? She's probably worried at home about you," Eren tells him diplomatically and to his immense surprise instead of a typical snarky comeback the little boy abruptly bursts into tears.

He sinks to the floor in an absolute state, full body heaving sobs and Eren short circuits, his instincts taking over as he moves to comfort the shaking little boy. "Nico, what's wrong buddy?" He can barely speak through little sobs and all Eren can do is hug him while he waits for the tears to subside. It takes a few minutes but finally Nico is coherent enough to hiccup an answer through his tears, "Gonna miss you Mr. Yeager." "Oh Nico," Eren hums, pushing silky brunette locks away from his face and cupping chubby little cheeks as he looks into emerald eyes the same shade as his own, "It's okay, I'll see you in January, we won't be apart for very long." This is evidently the wrong thing to say because Nico breaks into another long wail, "But, but I won't see you all Christmas, and all the other kids are going to leave milk and cookies out for Santa with their daddy, and-and-"

Nico continues to sob as Eren gets a faint inkling about what this might be about, the fact that he doesn't have a dad, something Eren's been suspicious about for a while. His educator instincts had been tingling and this confirms it. "And there's no one to help mommy put up the Christmas Lights so we're going to be the weird house with no lights again, and no daddy to carve the turkey on Christmas Day." Yeah, the kid has some very obvious daddy issues. Eren wipes away some of his tears, thumbing over soft baby cheeks as he tries to comfort him by just being there, "But what about your Uncle Levi, I'm sure he'll cut the turkey." Nico sniffles loudly, a bubble of snot coming from his nose and Eren reaches over to grab a tissue from some kid's desk, wiping at his nose, "And I'm sure your mummy does an awesome job with the Christmas lights, you can help her." Nico shakes his head wearily, taking the tissue from Eren, "It's not the same, I wish I had a daddy Mr. Yeager." Eren ruffles his hair affectionately, "Well you know, sometimes people don't have daddies, sometimes they just have really great mommys and I think yours is pretty awesome isn't she?" Nico nods sullenly as Eren distracts him, taking his hand and helping him put on his coat before trekking him towards the car, "And tell you what, I'll come visit lots over the Christmas break okay, I'll even help you put the lights up and maybe we can make some cookies for Santa together." Nico perks right up at this idea and by the time Eren gets him to the car and strapped into his car seat he's excitedly babbling away about the kinds of cookies they're gonna make. Looks like he's going to be crossing some inappropriate teacher boundaries this Christmas, but he thinks it's all worth it for the look of excitement on Nico's face, and well, maybe seeing Mikasa won't be so bad either.

"Did you know how I was born Mr. Yeager?" "Eren when we're off school right Nico?" Nico nods obediently, changing his phrasing, "Eren, did you know how I was born!" Eren chuckles, looking at him in the rearview mirror as he pulls out of the parking lot, "How were you born Nico?" "Mommy said she went to the clinic and chose me right there! I was in a test tube and then they put me in her tummy! It's called sp-sp" Nico struggles for a moment with the word and Eren swallows as he realizes where the six year old is going with this, a dawning horror overtaking him, "Sperm donation?" "Yeah!" Nico says excitedly, "That's why i don't have a daddy because mommy said she didn't need one, that she did it all by herself!"

Eren spends ten minutes at the stop sign outside of the school his mind going in circles because what are the odds that Mikasa used a sperm donor after Eren donated, and this kid looks EXACTLY like him?

[bones-arent-real]

Tagged by @cheetahleopard :D I love these kinds of things, thank you!

Bold all that applies to you: (and also comment in brackets bc i like to elaborate)

APPEARANCE: i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blond hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings (i have tried to pierce my ear but i couldnt get the earring thru) // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair (have before but it isnt dyed rn) // i have gotten plastic surgery (only top surgery) // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles (not so many rn bc its winter) // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS: i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition (i mean technically i got a participation trophy in primary school but that doesnt count) // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim (im not fast but i prolly wont drown) // i enjoy writing // i can do origami// i prefer movies to tv shows (not a huge fan of either tbh) // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year (several actually. love reading) // i enjoy spending time with friends (??? sometimes yes but also socialising is a lot of work) // i travel during school or work breaks (wish i had the money to travel more often) // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP: i am in a relationship (is a qpr) // i have been single for over a year (?? idk define single. i dont date but also. qpr.) // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years (literally the only ppl ive known over 10 years are my family) // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend (i was 14 and it was a very bad decision) // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETICS: i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise (i dont get up early but sometimes i stay up hella late) // i enjoy rainy days (i think i was meant to be a worm) // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep (sometimes but not often) // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire (hehe fire) // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean (man who doesnt. ocean's massive)// i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISCELLANEOUS: i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle (not easily but ive done it) // i am the mom friend ( i always have bandaids and snacks but i also advocate for all reckless decisions) // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift (i cant even rly drive an automatic. i should not have a license) // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower (maybe if i lived alone) // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead (why isnt this next to blond) // i own at least three dogs

I'm gonna tag @tea8j and also if u see this and want to do it feel free to pretend like I tagged u lol

[themindelectricdemo4]

i think to myself lke. back lke 2 year ago, im like...my friendship with my friends was so good, what happened?

really, i let myself go. i got a lot of disappointment in my regular life (couldnt get disability, more illnesses, treatment failing, family dying) i found that gong to college has helped me so much. because its like...setting a life for myself. getting a routine. having something to wake up for.

when all i wanted to wake up was for my friends, they were the brunt of everything, especially my moodiness that was becoming more & more unstable. i keep wanting to apologize but i hope i can form better wording in my head that articulates what i want to say the most (firstly that it doesnt justify my actions, and secondly, that im not crawling back to rekindle) im kind of stuck with overthnking it, so honestly.......it could be a world where i never directly apologize because i fear what my words sound like

i havent changed in that aspect in that i miss the connotation of my words often...maybe i could show it to my partner for proof reading, but i wouldnt want to involve a lot of people or anything ive accepted this is my human flaw & i continue to try & wrap my head around implications but it doesnt work. i do feel dumb ..oh well what can i do. i try to ask people to ask for clarification if they think something i said was weird (because if my intentions were mean ...i would want to make sure you knew for sure ...LOL.) but if they dont.. dont know what to do. but ive find in college, my friends ask me, they respect that, they make me feel like a human being & not some dumb (insert a barrage of slurs i could call myselfhere). self inflicted words..because i wish i could just learn social shit like a normal person & i feel dumb for not being able to mask this, or be able to study it enough to even pretend like i understand

im happy with the way my life is going now... i went to college, met my partner irl, i havent thought about genuinely kmsing myself in a good while now, like i couldnt go a month or two without planning it in my head, but im...actually doing good? its crazy...even my psych said she was so proud of me today saying she couldve never imagined me how i am today just because of how bad i was. i dont take that as a negative btw cuz thats me past tense. im proud of it.!!! really like, after whatever the fuck happened in august '23 i was like, ok. no more of this shit.

& it worked? i got all As, im in college. holy shit. the several times i would blow up on my friendsin the past into HUGE fights? the most heated i got was exactly one time where i snapped after a long day of being spoken over (by this person that i didnt particularly want to hang out with, as agreed upon with my friend because even that person agreed we didnt have a lot in common) & that...was it??? like im shocked. all my rage . gone . whar. .. & my friends are like.......they ask me what im doing/feeling based on things i do cuz they think im mad (the rbf & monotone voice) & im like oh!! oh my gosh no, im good! im sorry for worrying u & they were like oh! dw just checking. cuz i curated the baddest bitches of autistics who just get it fr . me & my current bestie we just ask each other the most blunt questions to get clarity on situations & i love that 4 us ... hes supa nice. love all my fends . but wow idk im proud of myself & this turned into a ramble where im positive cuz i was acually gettng mad at myself sadge but yea. i do wanna apologize but im afraid of being misconstrued & my paranoia over this manifests into probably never doing it. i got lving with my mother probably to blame fo r that (dont get me started on the shit she pulled over winter break that everyone in my family agrees she is ridiculous for with physical proof ok im reeling

[goldkirk]

I’m just gonna talk through feelings in the tags until I figure out what to summarize it as for my own head (this happened tonight not two days ago, my tags are v unclear lol)

[jamesbuchananxsteviegrant]

I Pick the TV Show, Rogers Shuts His Cake-Hole | Bucky x Steve x Reader (Angst, Fluff)

Category: Angst, Fluff (Suggested) Age: 14+ Trigger Warnings: none, other than the standard explicit language Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Steve Snaps At Reader When He’s Stressed, Resulting In Her Being Very Upset Request: "can u write where steve/bucky is overwhelmed with something and when reader asks to help or is telling them to relax they snap at reader and reader is hurt which makes them feel really bad afterwards. thank you sm. i love ur writings. and this is anon right? is it alright if u dont post my response if its not anon? im sorry. thank you so much. ur blog always pictures great stucky imagines. 💗💗💗" Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 2,488

---

A given, the super-soldier had been on nonstop missions for the last month or so, but she thought she was helping him feel better, not making him feel worse.

“Would you like anything to eat, Stevie? You’ve barely moved all day.” (Y/N)’s voice is small. Quiet.

She’s leaning through the door of his study where he’s sat putting together his mission reports from the last three or four missions he’s been out on.

He shakes his head but doesn’t even turn to look at her.

Sighing, the woman walks further into the room where her boyfriend is slouched over the desk.

“You gotta take a break, Stevie.” She whispers, resting her hands on his shoulders.

She notices the way they tense up, but he still remains silent.

His fingers continue to write up his report on the laptop.

“I’m worried about you, Stevie; talk to me.”

“I’m busy, (Y/N).”

“I know you are, baby, but you’ve gotta look after yourself too.” She attempts, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. He pulls away.

The woman furrows her brows.

“Steve, please, you’ve got to-”

“(Y/N), just stop!”

The shout is sudden and it makes her flinch back away from the man as he turns to face her.

“I’m fine, alright?! I don’t need you babying me all the time!”

She doesn’t respond for a second, surprised at her lover’s outburst.

He says nothing more, simply turns back to the laptop and continues typing away.

“Steve, look how stressed you are. Can you please just-”

“STOP! Okay?! Just stop! Leave me the fuck alone while I finish these neverending mission reports. For once in your life can you just understand that not everything is about you?!”

(Y/N) swears that being shot in the heart wouldn’t hurt half as much as the words that just came out of the man’s mouth.

Her mouth opens and closes as if searching for the right words to say, but that hurt.

Is she really that bad? Is that the truth behind all of this? That she’s clingy? Thinks everything is about her? That was never her intention. (Y/N) is well aware of how important being an Avenger is. Hell, she is an Avenger, for Christ’s sakes.

She says nothing more and leaves the room.

She can’t even decide if she feels sad. No. She’s not sad, she’s not angry, she’s not… anything.

Numb.

Naturally, her feet lead her to their room. Steve’s room. They all basically share the super soldier’s abode since they all got together, but right now she doesn’t dare open the door.

Doing a full one-eighty spin, (Y/N) takes herself back to a place she barely touches anymore. Her room.

It’s pretty empty. Most of her clothes are in Steve’s room, in her own walk-in wardrobe. Her bed is perfectly made from the last time she slept in here - maybe a year ago?

The woman walks around her bed and straight onto her bedroom balcony, overlooking the lake at the back of the compound, and stays there. For three-hours. Until Bucky comes looking for her.

He came home from his mission about thirty-minutes ago only to find their shared room of Steve’s empty. He searched just about everywhere, completely clueless.

“FRIDAY, where’s (Y/N) and Steve?” He finally gives in.

“Captain Rogers is in study five, and Agent (L/N) is in her private quarters.”

Now that makes the brunet furrow his brows.

Why would (Y/N) be in her room and not his or Steve’s?

He prioritises finding (Y/N) first, knowing Steve will be writing up mission reports, no doubt.

Despite them being together for over six-years now, he hesitates when reaching for the handle of her bedroom door. Instead, the man opts to knock.

No answer.

“(Y/N)?” Nothing. “Doll, it’s me; can I come in?” Nothing.

Bucky tries the door handle and finds it unlocked, yet still hesitates.

“Baby?” He calls out. Again, nothing.

He’s cautious now. Scared.

Her room looks as untouched as the last time he saw it, which was a few months back when she was after one of her plushies.

“(Y/N)?”

It’s when he feels the chill of the midnight winds ruffle his hair that he realises her balcony doors aren’t fully closed.

Striding straight over, his eyes widen at the sight of his girlfriend curled up in the corner of the outdoor area, crying.

“(Y/N), baby, hey, what’s wrong?!”

Bucky immediately drops to his knees in front of the woman, reaching for her hands and gently tugging them away from her tear-stained face.

“(Y/N), doll, look at me.” His voice is gentle. Soothing.

She does almost instantly but her sadness stays.

“What happened, baby? Are you hurt?”

The fear and sincerity in his voice is enough to prompt the woman to shake her head. Yes, she’s hurting emotionally, but he needs confirmation that she’s not dying.

The woman immediately sees the relief take over his features, but he’s still concerned.

“What’s wrong, doll?”

Her eyes stray away from his, not wanting to tell him what’s got her so upset.

“Hey, no, look at me, baby,” He whispers, hand lightly grasping at her chin to raise her face back up to his. “What’s got you so worked up, (Y/N)?”

Another shake of her head as she tries to escape her lover’s hold.

“Baby, please, you’re scaring me.”

Her face contorts into something close to heartbreak as she wants nothing more than to reassure the man in front of her.

“It’s okay, Buck.”

“It’s not okay! Doll, I haven’t seen you cry since Stevie nearly died on that mission in Ohio like two-years-ago! Talk to me.”

She takes a deep breath and wipes her face of the shedding tears.

“Do you want me to get Stevie?”

The question is innocent and makes sense, but her eyes widen and she shakes her head desperately.

“No! No, please, no.”

That truly makes the super soldier concerned.

“Doll, please can you tell me what’s happened?”

Never in the last eight-years that Bucky and (Y/N) have known each other has she been so reluctant to see Steve.

Another sob escapes her and it’s breaking his heart.

“Baby, please.”

“Steve got mad at me, alright?!” She manages an attempted shout. “I just wanted him to look after himself.”

“What happened? What did Steve do?”

He’s concerned. Massively.

“I was trying to get him to eat; he hasn’t eaten properly in so long. He’s so overworked and he’s hung up on all these mission reports. He told me that not everything was about me - shouted at me; told me to stop.” She’s whimpering and sniffling again now. “Please get him to eat something, James.”

That last sentence is the one that crushes him. She’s upset, yeah, but above all that, she’s still worried about the blond super soldier.

“Come on, baby, let’s go to our room and get into bed, yeah? I’ll go and speak to Stevie.”

Her eyes meet his and she looks scared, but the ocean blue gaze that he returns makes her bound to his every command.

The woman nods.

“Okay.”

“That’s my girl.”

With the help of the Winter Soldier, (Y/N) manages to stand up, letting him lead her out of her private room and into their shared one of Steve’s.

“Here, let’s get you into your PJs, yeah?”

He doesn’t leave room for negotiation as he helps his girlfriend strip out of her casual dress and into one of his oversized t-shirts.

“You get snuggled up in bed, doll. I’m going to go and get Stevie, okay?”

He hates how she looks nervous at the mention of their other lover’s name.

“He loves you more than words can describe, baby girl, I promise you. He shouldn’t have lashed out at you, I’m gonna talk to him, okay?”

A hesitant nod and forced smile is enough for now.

“I’ll be back shortly, I promise.” He leans over and gives the woman a kiss on the lips, leaving her with one of her favourite shows playing on the TV.

“Bucky,” Her choked up voice calls out just before he leaves.

The man turns from his place in the doorway.

“I love you.”

The smile that takes over his expression is contagious.

“I love you too, baby girl. More than anything.”

Despite his reassurance to the woman, he’s pretty damn pissed for a number of reasons about Steve losing his cool with their girl. Reason number one being, how dare he? Reason number two being, he knows better than to overwork, yet here we are.

Bucky doesn’t even knock once he approaches the glass doors of the study where Steve is sat typing away on the laptop.

The blond doesn’t even glance up to see who entered. He barely heard the door open which enrages Bucky further.

The brunet slams the lid of the laptop shut without saying a word, prompting Steve’s head to shoot up, glaring daggers at whoever has interrupted him.

“What the fuck, James?!”

That makes Bucky really get annoyed.

“Are you serious right now, Rogers?”

“I’m in the middle of about seven different mission reports, Buck, I’ve gotta finish them.” The man sighs, going to open the lid of the PC once more, only for Bucky to hold it down. “James, seriously,”

“No. What you need to do is explain to me why our girlfriend has been crying for the last God-knows how many hours?”

That makes Steve snap back to reality.

“What? (Y/N) has been crying? Is she okay?”

Bucky literally rolls his eyes at that.

“Are you fucking serious, Steve?” He repeats, Steve looking confused, expression contorting as he realises that his boyfriend is seriously angry at him.

“Bucky, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

The Winter Soldier’s head lolls back as he groans in frustration.

“You seriously have no idea?” He asks, rhetorically, watching Steve look almost scared. “Do you often shout at your girlfriend and forget it happened?”

Cap’s eyes widen at that, and he visibly gulps.

“What?”

“She came in here to make sure you were looking after yourself, which you weren’t, by the way, and you tell her that not everything is about her?! Are you fucking stupid, Steve?!”

He remembers it all too well in that moment, turning his head down to avoid the frustrated glare of his male lover.

“No. No, you don’t get to look away from me. Look at me.” Bucky demands, watching the blond super soldier reluctantly do so. “I come home from my own exhausting mission, search for (Y/N) for thirty-minutes, and find her crying her God-damn heart out on the balcony of HER room; not our room, Steve, no. Her room.”

Steve’s heart shatters and his eyes widen once more.

(Y/N) hates staying in her room. She’d always be in his or Bucky’s without a doubt.

“I- Buck-”

Bucky shakes his head and stands back upright as Steve is lost for words.

“I’m not mad at you, Steve. I get it, you know? You’ve been overworking for the last month, I know you’re stressed, but fuck, baby, you can’t hurt her like that. Do you know how much my heart fucking shattered when I saw her curled up in the corner of her own God-damn balcony?! It tore me apart. She hasn’t cried since you nearly fuckin-” Bucky chokes on his own word as he walks away from his lover.

“I’m sorry! Buck, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have let Fury send me on that many missions, I- I should’ve said no. I’m sorry.” Steve attempts, standing up and following the brunet, turning him around to face him once more.

“It’s not me you need to be apologising to, Stevie.”

Captain America nods and leans up to press a kiss to the man’s lips.

“I’m sorry, James.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and forces a smile.

“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, I know you didn’t mean it, but I swear to God, if you hurt her again…”

Steve is already shaking his head.

“I wouldn’t dream of either of you getting hurt. Where is she?”

“Our room.”

He nods and begins heading toward the woman to which he owes more than he can give.

The door is half ajar when Steve gets there, he slowly opens it to reveal his girlfriend in all her glory, curled up under their Captain America themed duvet - which Sam bought the trio as a joke last Christmas. Her face is clear-as-day red from her earlier upset, and it breaks his heart.

The man knocks gently on the day as if not to startle the poor girl.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He offers a solemn smile when she turns to see who’s there.

He hates the way he can see her hesitation to speak to him as opposed to her usual squeal of his name, arms opening wide to welcome him into her cuddle-fest.

“Hi.” She manages, forcing her own smile.

There’s silence floating between them, the only sound being Jensen Ackles, in his role of Dean Winchester, talking a load of nonsense about pie on the TV that’s streaming Supernatural.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Steve manages, taking a step toward the bed. “Nothing can excuse the way I yelled at you, and I’m so sorry for that, but, sweetheart, trust me when I say I didn’t mean it. I was so stupidly stressed, and I should never have let it get to that point.”

She nods, truly believing his words, but it still hurt.

The blond sits down on the edge of the bed, not daring to cuddle his girlfriend until she’s comfortable.

“I love you so much, (Y/N) (L/N).”

A bigger smile taints her lips at that.

“I love you too, Steven.” Her voice is barely a whisper but he hears it clear as day.

“Can I hold you?”

(Y/N) smiles and shakes her head as if he was being silly.

“You never need to ask permission for that, Stevie. No matter what.”

With another sad smile, he pulls the woman into his arms and holds her tighter than ever before.

“I’m so sorry, my love.”

“I forgive you, but no more missions for a while.” She whispers.

“Yes, boss.”

Bucky’s leaning against the doorframe, watching the interaction. He took a detour to Tony’s office and made sure to give the billionaire a piece of his mind about making sure Fury didn’t have Steve on any missions for a long time.

“Is this the last episode?” The brunet speaks up, stripping himself of his clothes as he enters their room properly.

“Yeah.” (Y/N) nods.

“I still think we should watch Vampire Diaries instead.” Steve chuckles, mirroring Bucky’s actions.

“I pick the TV show, Rogers shuts his cake-hole.” (Y/N) teases, mocking a line from Supernatural and snuggling herself in the middle of the bed, sandwiched between the two super soldiers - where she belongs. “I love you both.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

“Love you always, doll.”

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[itsonlydana]

"Lovers behind closed doors" ➷ jschlatt

↳ part ⅰ

➛ pairing: c!Jschlatt x gn!reader ⁞ c!Tommy & gn!reader (platonic & on the side)

➛ summary: winter came to the DreamSMP and besides ice skating, jealousy and soft mornings together, you and Schlatt are forced to think about the state of your relationship. Surely that can't be too hard?

! warnings/tags: fluff, angst, dark, swearing tw: near-death experience, alcohol, a lot of hurt but comfort in the end, dark thoughts caused by a wither just be warned that it's heavy

➛ words: 10,1k (im sorry)

♬ song: bloc party - the pioneers & when i was done dying - dan deacon

➛ a/n: hello guys, this is a "small" thank-you for 300 followers! I already posted it on ao3 in the beginning of the year so maybe you already know it. There should come another serious announcement tonight.

Soft lips kissed your bare shoulder blades, rough beard stubble accompanied them on the way to your neck and brought you back from your dreams to your big, warm bed. With your eyes still closed and a sleepy smile on your face, you stretched your arms upwards and met tousled curls. The bed sunk on your right side as he sat down next to you and put his hand to your cheek to turn your head to him. By stroking his thumb over the skin, which was graced with the footprints of the pillow, you opened your eyes. "Good morning", you mumbled and moved on the bed, so that you could use his thighs as a new pillow.

Schlatt looked down at you, brown curls falling into his face, and you brushed them behind his ear. "It snowed again.", he murmured, at which you sat up, the blanket that had warmed you so far sliding down your shoulders onto your thighs. He took advantage of the moment, wrapping his arms around you from behind and thus pulling you backward against his chest.

Although you looked forward to mornings like this, you knew they usually didn't last long and so you relaxed, letting yourself fall against him, enjoying the feel of his heartbeat in your back, his fingers dancing over the bare skin of your arms and the kisses behind your ear, on your neck and every area he could reach in this position. You almost let yourself go, lost in the silence of the room broken only by the gentle rustle of the covers and your breathing.

"I have to go.", but all good things must come to an end. Not wanting to let your disappointment show, you forced a smile.

At least you had a little longer today than the rest of the week. Still, he seemed to have noticed the change in mood, because he didn't break away from you. More like he pulled you closer. "I'm sorry, my love. I wish I could take a day off, however, negotiations with the Farlands are taking much more time than planned and we are dependent on their coal supply; we did not expect such a severe winter." "It's all good, of course, I understand how important this is.", you whisper, and your heart tightens. You didn't want to seem selfish; the residents of L'Manburg needed the coal, and you were complaining about a few minutes you spent together.

You watched silently, your chin propped on your knees, as Schlatt stood in front of your mirror, gradually putting on his suit that had landed carefully folded on your dresser as it did every evening. His nimble fingers tied his tie, ran through his thick curls until they showed no trace of your night. His eyes met yours in the mirror and teasingly he wiggled his eyebrows, eliciting a laugh from you. Then he reached for a small brown casket on the dresser and came back to the bed. He knelt down in front of you at the edge of the bed and lowered his head. Carefully, you opened the red velvet-lined box and took out the first necklace. Skillfully you put them around his horns, in his hair, then the second one followed and within seconds his horns were adorned with the beautiful jewels shining in the light of the lanterns outside. It had become your little ritual, a sign of mutual trust.

After standing back up, putting on his shoes and long black coat, he stepped in front of you one last time. "I'll see you later?", he asked. You nodded in response and reached out to him. With a chuckle, he leaned down and finally kissed your lips.

You chased after the far too brief kiss when it was long gone, eyes closed and only after the front door had slammed shut behind him, its lack of warmth replaced by the ever creeping cold, did you pull the covers around you as best you could and lay down on his side of the bed. Since he disappeared every morning before the first neighbor could wake up, fatigue quickly caught up with you and you dreamed of a never-ending morning between the sheets.

Your life had changed after the ball night. Summer and fall came and went, cocktails became hot chocolate, breezy clothes were exchanged for warm coats and boots, and instead of going to the beach, everyone now regularly gathered at the ice skating rink you had built and where you also would meet up with your friends that day. After Schlatt had disappeared, you'd retreated back to bed with a cup of tea and your favorite book and gotten ready around noon.

You'd just taken a step out the front door, hands shoved deep into your favorite coat, you'd seen it. A little snow-shaped heart on your mailbox.

Since then, you had a dreamy smile on your face, which did not miss Niki when you met her in her bakery. You had just entered the small shop, and you were already critically inspected. "Will you ever tell me who makes you so happy?" asked the blonde, as she sorted a fresh load of steaming buns into a basket. She had braided her hair as well as she could, but the small, darkly colored strands still hung in front of her view. Groaning, she straightened herself up, pushed them behind her ear, and put her hands on her hips.

You would have loved to tell her about Schlatt, and part of you guessed that she must have noticed the change between him and you. How you'd love to tell someone how you'd snuck out in the summer and gone swimming at night, or how you'd taken walks through the colorful woods in the fall, how he'd surprised you with picnics where you'd lain side by side for hours in the middle of nowhere, loving each other and he'd told you stories about his travels before L'Manburg. The urge to tell Niki about the way he kissed you, held you, looked at you was growing by the day. You wanted to scream out to the world that he had awakened feelings in you, that you had fallen in love with him, but you had to keep it to yourself. Not only because you and Schlatt agreed on it, but also so it was easier to forget when he stopped having fun and wanted to end your fling.

Because that’s all it was, as much as you wanted it to be more.

"I’m just happy to go ice skating with you; are you done yet?" you lied and suppressed the sad thoughts that came up.

"Any minute. Take one of the buns!" Gratefully, you reached into the basket, which was filled to the brim with Niki’s famous baked goods. The bun smelled inviting and you took a bite. The dough was still so warm and soft, it felt like you were biting into a summer cloud. Cinnamon, sugar, followed by Tonka bean and cardamom spread in your mouth and enticed your taste buds. "Nik, they are heavenly.", you hummed and broke off a piece to pass it to Niki, who had been busy cleaning up before. Appreciatively, she accepted it and slipped into her coat.

On the way to the city center, you met Will and persuaded him to accompany you.

"Will, isn't Tommy with you?", you asked him after a while of talking about the upcoming winter festival. The boy had been following the Brit every step of the way lately, which was most likely because he practically adored Will and admired everything he did. The two could often be found in a small trailer with Will writing songs or telling Tommy and Tubbo about heroes’ stories, reenacting events with them and running across fields and meadows. It was all the more surprising that Tommy wasn't glued to his side now.

"No, we had a little argument and he said he didn't feel like coming here anymore." Even though Will seemed relieved at first glance to be able to breathe in peace for once without worrying about Tommy imitating him, you could see that he was still worried.

Compassionately, you nudged him. "He's a teenager Will, you know how stubborn you were at that age." He frowned, "For that reason, I hope he doesn't screw up." "It'll be fine." Niki gently placed her hand on Will's upper arm and smiled.

"I hope so."

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

The skating rink was well visited, with residents and many of your friends standing together in small groups. Every time you passed by this place, you felt a sense of pride, proud to have implemented this project as well as it was.

In the middle of the large meadow next to the trailer, the ice rink had been set up, the wooden partitions on the sides were decorated with colorful fairy lights and fir branches, just like the high entrance gate, in the arch of which was a small sprig of mistletoe for the coming Christmas season. While on one side there was a small grandstand, on the others there were single benches for resting. Your favorite feature were the floating lanterns that bathed the area in a golden light towards the evening, making skating all the more beautiful.

After you had arrived and Niki had put down her backpack on the stand, you had taken your skates out of a box at the side; you had left them there the day before yesterday because nobody would steal them anyway and they became cumbersome to carry in the long run.

The shoes were quickly put on, the daily dressing and undressing happened by itself and it didn’t take long before you stood at the small gate that adjoined the ice rink right in front of the grandstand. You first entered the ice, your feet automatically slid apart and you just grabbed Nikis arm.

"Shouldn’t you be able to skate well after all these days?" asked Will, who closed the door behind you and put his curls under his hat. You breathed, your breath rose up in a small cloud. "Of course I can! Probably the ice was only recently smoothed and not really driven in."

Knowingly, Will nodded. "That’s right, it’s the ice. And if the fish can’t swim, it’s because of the water?" With a provocative grin, he passed you by. "See you soon!", he laughed and drove to the other side, where Dream was leaning casually against the wall, one skate against the wood behind him, and George driving up and down in front of him.

Shaking your head, you clung more firmly to Niki: "Come on, let’s ignore him."

"He’s right, (y/n)", Niki started with a quiet giggle, "we’re definitely not as good as he is."

"What?" you drew the ’a' almost comedically. "Never! Take a look at him" with your chin you nodded to the man skating in circles "he consists of 80% long legs, which must be tangled eventually!" At first you could only hear a giggle, then Niki burst into loud laughter.

"I bet he only takes two steps and he’s on the other end of the lane.", Niki added, which made you laugh. You drove a few laps, made fun of Will and his bragging about driving backward, and then climbed back to the grandstand where Niki conjured up some drinks and snacks from her backpack. A short break to strengthen had never harmed anyone, especially when Nikis pastries were present.

You had made yourselves comfortable on the wooden steps, wrapped your jackets tightly around you, as it had not stopped snowing since the morning and the cold, despite Niki’s hot chocolate, slowly made its way through your clothes.

Curious, you watched the ice rink where Karl, Sapnap, Dream and George finished their final round of hockey against Will, Techno, Fundy and Phil. It was 7:7 and you could smell the testosterone all the way to you. None of the boys wanted to be part of the losing team, each one had the desire for victory written on their hard-fought, wrinkled foreheads, while they played the little puck, tricked each other or shoved away one or another time or another. "One more minute!" yelled Quackity, who stood at the railing with a stopwatch and played the referee.

Your gaze shifted from Will, who played to Phil, who got the puck off Dream and chased after George to deflect the pass, to Karl, who blocked Fundy and was then pushed away by Techno, who took the puck, played it through Sapnap's legs to Will, who raced forward for the goal.

The tension mounted as Will bent under George's outstretched arm and entered the opposing side of the field with the puck, getting closer and closer to the goal.

Your whole body leaned further forward, your fingers gripping the hot pot of chocolate tighter, and you watched as Will turned one last time, threw a kiss of his hand in Niki's direction, lifted the hockey stick, and-

And all of a sudden, you noticed Schlatt. Niki’s loud cheering and the screaming from the field, Quackity’s victory announcement anyway, were muffled through the pounding of your heart. Schlatt stood on the side of the field, one arm leaned on the fender, the other around Tubbo’s shoulders. He was bent down to the boy, pointing again and again at the field and seemed to explain the game to him in more detail.

You couldn’t describe the feeling that was flowing through your body at the sight, but you had to smile automatically. Your heart was beating faster, pictures were pushing into your imagination. Scenarios where you and Schlatt were actually together, grew older together, lived together in your little house. Loud kids laughing in the hallways, little shoes next to yours, colorful fingerprints on the wall in the living room.

No, you shouldn’t have such thoughts.

You detached yourself from the sight that made those forbidden desires rise up inside you and got up with Niki to go down to the ice, where the chaos was great. Techno and Phil had lifted a loud yelling Will on their shoulders and stood right in front of the gloomy Dream-team, Fundy jumped up and down next to the three to high-five Will again and again.

However, as soon as you and Niki had left the final step behind, Will slid down from his throne, came towards you with outstretched arms and pulled you two tightly to his chest. "You saw the goal, didn’t you? At the last second, I put that thing right under Dream’s nose, HA! Suck it, Dream-boy!" He shouted the words over your heads to the angry Blonde.

"That’s called luck, Wilbur." you heard Dream call and you turned out of the hug. In frustration, Dream had stuffed his hands into the pockets of his green sweater and you could see his fists pressed against the fabric. "You were just lucky.", he repeated and Will laughed.

"Of course it is! Have you seen my two lucky charms here?" He leaned down, pressed first you, then Niki a kiss on the cheek.

Dream curled his nose. "Next time we’ll win, I promise you this!"

You looked over him and had to grin. "If you can prevent Sapnap from hitting Quackity on the head."

All turned their attention to the loud shouts, which had hitherto been drowned in cheering, but could now be clearly attributed to Sapnap and Quackity. The two of them ran across the meadow, Quackity in front, Sapnap with his hockey stick and "You timed it wrong!. I'll shove your stupid stopwatch down where the sun never shines! They bought you, didn't they!" roaring after the distraught Mexican and behind him Karl.

"Oh God, oh God, SAPNAP!" George threw his hockey stick on the ground. "I hate him", he mumbled to himself as he tried to catch up with his friends with Dream.

You watched them until a clap sounded behind you. As soon as had you turned Tubbo had rushed to Will and wrapped his arms around his middle. "You were great Will! I didn't understand much, but Schlatt always told me when you guys did something well."

Looking up from Tubbo to Schlatt, you found that his gaze was already on you. He had his hands shoved into his black coat pockets, his chin buried deep in a red scarf. You wanted to suppress a grin and you bit your lower lip, but the corners of your mouth twitched upwards anyway.

"Come on, Tubbo", you heard Will say softly "Let’s go to the rest of the team and celebrate our victory. If you congratulate George on a great game on the way, you can even have my hockey stick." "What? Really?" The boy tapped you on the shoulders and you looked at him again. "Will you come with me, (y/n)?"

If Niki hadn’t stepped in and hugged him, you wouldn’t have been able to resist those big eyes of the child, despite the man waiting for you. "(y/n) and Schlatt still have something to talk about. Maybe they will come afterward" Before the boy could disagree, Will had already held his stick in front of him and Niki led him away from the court.

For a second you watched them go, your brain wracked over whether Niki actually knew about you and Schlatt, when you felt his hand on your shoulder. "Will you do me the honor and join me on the ice?", he asked and you nodded.

"I'd love to."

You were the only ones left, you noticed, as Schlatt changed his boots for skates at the stairs before joining you on the ice. As you slowly lead off, he once again amazed you with how elegantly he held and presented himself. While heat rose in your cheek after only a few seconds and you occasionally tripped over your own feet, Schlatt looked like he always did; or didn't let his mask fall. He slid almost silently across the ice, hands clasped behind his back. It was as if falling or stumbling was not even an option for him.

It was ridiculous, of course Schlatt could skate perfectly. He could do everything perfectly. You were focused on not getting out of balance, all your thoughts were focused on your legs, and how you would take the next step, that you hadn’t noticed that Schlatt had adjusted to your pace and was watching you closely. Half a lap later, he seemed to have seen enough and drove a little closer to you. As soon as his blades had moved into your field of vision nailed to your feet, your head rushed up in alarm. Your concentration turned to the man next to you, his chains glistening in the sun, the golden light of the lanterns resembling the dots in his dark eyes, snowflakes caught in his dense hair, and then there no longer was a ’one foot in front of another'.

Your body seemed to act faster than your brain could have registered and your right foot slid away from you. This was followed by an unfortunate reaction, the fall of the dominoes, starting with you trying to keep yourself on your feet as your two legs slid in two different directions, the ground getting closer and closer to you, not helping your less than relaxed state. Your arms flailed in the air in search of some kind of hold, which they didn't find at first.

"Schlatt, help", you said dreadfully, you could already feel your butt on the ice, the wetness and the cold that would follow, and the shame that you were so embarrassingly easy to get out of the concept, because it didn’t suit him and his already too big of an ego, so he slid to you until he could put his arm around your side, stabilizing you.

His hot breath hit a vacant spot in your neck, resulting in the feeling in your legs that all the bones and joints had been removed and you were sure if it weren’t for his arm, you’d have made your acquaintance with the ice surface by now.

Schlatt held you back, waited for you to have a firm foothold again, and then moved away from you gently. "You have to stop thinking." He started, and in anticipation of a nasty comment, you rolled your eyes. Schlatt smiled, "That’s not what I meant, darling. What I meant was that you can trust yourself. You’re a fast learner and I’m sure that if you turn off your beautiful head, your muscles will have memorised the steps and posture and everything will just happen."

You didn’t have time to enjoy the compliments, Schlatt had already grabbed yours with his hand. This surprised you more than compliments from him ever could. Schlatt was not one who showed his affection for others openly. Yes, privately, he poured it on you, showed you how much he liked the secret between you two. That was it now and still here, a secret that only your beds and you knew.

Still, you stood on the icy surface, snow falling silently from the sky upon you, you could hear the laughter of your friends from behind one of the hills, and Schlatt intertwined your fingers like it was the most normal thing in the world. Silently, secretly, you grinned into your scarf. Your heart beat faster, your cheeks grew hot.

Why did being in love have to feel like an uncontrollable monster that controlled your body and thoughts? Nothing you thought about helped stop the butterflies and rockets in your stomach; his nearness made you feel like you could fly.

"I told you you could do it, love!"

Without you really noticing it, you and Schlatt had set off, and in fact you skated over the ice without any problems. The uncertain wobble and the fear of falling had simply gone away. Schlatt even made you feel so confident that you put more strength into your steps, leaned further forward. Schlatt laughed as he let himself be pulled much more by you and his hand slipped out of yours. With a challenging smile, he caught up with you. "Catch me."

That, he didn’t have to tell you twice.

Soon after, your laughter had stopped and instead of chasing each other over the ice, you two stood in the middle of the ice surface. When Schlatt noticed that your steps had slowed down, he drove towards you until you fell against him exhausted. Silently, he had opened his coat so you could press your face against his dark green sweater and had his arms around you. You were at peace. With your arms around his neck, and his around your middle, you drove so slowly over the ice that the scratching of your skates was lost in the silence between you. You were in your own little world, where only you existed, where your political views divided no one, your little love adventure strengthened, and where Schlatt seemed to forget its rough corners. But every high is followed by a fall.

His hands lightly lifted your top and you looked at him warningly,but he already placed his cold fingers on your skin, eliciting a soft cry from you and resulting in a gentle punch to the back of his neck. "You're such an idiot", you murmured, whereupon he laughed warmly and blew a kiss on your hair.

"Will would never make you that happy." Since his lips were still hovering over your head and you could literally feel the words, it was actually impossible to have imagined them and yet you were unsure, though they sounded much more like Schlatt had been trying to say them to himself. They hovered between you, growing larger and larger until they drove you apart.

With his hands behind your back, Schlatt tried to stop you, hold on to him, but you pushed away from him. You stared at the man in front of you without understanding. "What did you say?" Your voice sounded insecure, fearful he would repeat the same thing and at the same time hopeful you had been wrong.

Schlatt’s hand wrapped around your arm, his eyes ran over your defensive posture. "(y/n)", he tried, his voice gently and quietly.

You shook your head. "No, Schatt. I want to know what you meant. What has Will got to do with all this?"

His fingers pressed harder into your jacket, trying to hold you while you slid away from him. "You know what I mean."

Suddenly, it was too tight in your jacket, too hot. The scarf around your neck got tighter and tighter and you jerked it off, looking for a liberating breath that would loosen the knot in your lungs. "What are you talking about?"

"About the stupid kisses on the cheek, the giggling and his arms around your shoulders, (y/n)!", Schlatt shouted and his whole attitude changed. His face became gloomy, he tugged his eyebrows and his right corner of his mouth twitched upwards. For the first time in a long time, he reminded you of the young man who trampled everything in his path when it brought him to his destination. It scared you. And with the fear came the anger that he thought he could twist everything to suit him.

"How I maintain my friendship with Will is none of your business.", the air in your lungs stung with every word. "Why are you even comparing yourself to him?"

Schlatt took a step toward you, the jewelry in his hair jingling menacingly in the dead silence around you. "You're mine. This boy has nothing on me!", he yelled loudly and your stomach turned. He came closer, you jerking back until your skates hit the wooden blockade.

The sight of you resembled that of a predator that had driven its victim into a hopeless corner, so much did he tower over you.

Anger grew over fear and you tightened your jaw. "You're crazy."

This made the little spark between you grow bigger. It was no longer the spark of excitement that usually accompanied you. This one resembled a fire, its heat licking at you, its smoke choking you, burning you.

It took more of your emotional strength as you pushed him away and skated past him across the ice to the side of the stands. You could hear the crunch of ice beneath you, as if it might break through at any moment. You were surprised Schlatt didn't follow you. The rift in your heart grew. A moment ago his jealousy towards Will had shone through and now he didn't even seem to want to fight.

"Then get lost!", he yelled after you and you flinched. Tears burned in your eyes, blurring everything before you. "That seems to be the only thing you know how to do!"

You stumbled down from the ice to the wooden benches, trying as best you could to untie your shoelaces with your trembling hands. Hot tears dripped down onto your reddish fingers, onto the shoes you flung onto the ground with a force as soon as you put on your normal shoes. Upset, you trudged up one of the hills, towards the coast, your hands clenched into fists. Your nails pressed into your palms and it hurt. It hurt so much.

One last time before you went down the other side of the hill, you turned around. The clouds had become thicker, snow fell down in thicker and thicker flakes, so that it was almost impossible to see the hand in front of the eyes.

Still, you recognized Schlatt’s figure in the middle of the ice. His black coat was blowing in the strong wind, he had pushed his hands into his pockets and was staring at you.

A shiver came over you again. How could it be the same man who woke you up this morning with gentle kisses? Who weighed you to sleep last night with one of his stories? The one you felt safe with. The butterflies in your stomach suddenly felt infinitely heavy, pulling you down. You would have been willing to settle the argument, even if it was incomprehensible to you that Schlatt was so jealous.

The conversation after your first night together had been clear, the memory of scattered ball clothes and the taste of red wine on your lips crystal clear before you.

"This is going to be nothing more than a fling.", Schlatt had murmured as he had pressed you against your bedroom door.

"No one can know about us, remember. It's our secret.", Schlatt had whispered as he had laid you gently on the pillows.

"Lovers, but only behind closed doors? Sounds like an exciting adventure to me.", you'd grin and had let yourself fall.

All these beautiful memories seemed to have been drawn out the love and warmth. They left nothing more than a tug in your heart. Were you that wrong about him?

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

The surrounding air grew colder, the snowfall heavier. The clouds gathered over you and it felt like all your energy was leaving you. Every step you took was harder and the closer you got to the wooded area on the coast, the emptier you felt. What was the matter? You wrapped your arms tighter around yourself and lowered your head to shield your eyes from the harsh wind. Suddenly, a wobble went through the earth that nearly knocked you off your feet. Snow crashed down on you from the tree branches, burying the bushes around you in a thick blanket of white. Startled, you jerked your head up as a bang was heard.

Then a scream. It was a cry you had heard many times before when the boys had fought duels in the fields.

Tommy

You ran as fast as the heavy snow would allow you to run in the direction from which the cry had come. The cold air slashed your lungs like razors, your sides burned, but you ignored the signs of your body and continued to run through the woods until you approached a loud hiss. Blond hair shone through the trees, you were about to call for the boy when something rose up in the air. You were frozen. Tommy was pressed against a tree, his hands around a sword, which he held to protect him, and behind him a creature you only knew from scary stories.

On the other side of the tree floated a gigantic -about three meters tall-, black, three-headed skeleton. It had no real body, consisting mostly of a musty-looking rib cage with rotting scraps of skin dripping down it, turning the snow beneath it into a tar-like liquid, and ending in a drooping spine. At the collarbones, the two smaller skulls were fused; both had their jaws wrenched open to deafening screams. The middle and larger skull was split down the middle, a blue vapor flowing from it, bathing the entire being in a bright haze of mist and causing throbbing pain in your forehead area.

The worst was the smell. It smelled of rotten eggs, burnt meat and at the same time you couldn’t really assign it; the swaths of smoke from the wither clouded your senses. Your knees threatened to bend, any sense of balance had left you and you fell to one side.

A second later, a black bullet flew from one of the smaller skulls to the point where you had just stood and blew the floor. Earth, snow, gravel and branches were shattered in all directions, stones hit your ankles.

Then Tommy spotted you. The boys face now left the remaining color from the already calcareous face and he put a foot out from behind the tree, which triggered something in the being. You could watch one of the bullets fly out of the right skull and hit two yards in front of Tommy.

The fear of the boy awakened power in you that you used to crawl behind the bushes to Tommy. Your pants were soaked instantly and it felt like you had no feeling left in your hands.

"(y/n), help", Tommy shouted. His screams went through your marrow and bones, spurred you on to speed up, and while the Wither turned the opposite direction and fired there, you got up and stumbled the last few feet to Tommy.

You threw yourself at the boy, you pulled him down with you. Immediately he clung to you, dirt-smeared fingers grabbed yours. Before you could speak, it burst out of him: "I didn’t want this. Will said it was too dangerous, but I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t hear, and now I don’t know what to do. Please, I didn’t mean to!" He leaned his head against your neck.

Anxious, you saw over his shoulder to the Wither, who continued to turn the area into a minefield. You knew the two of you could never escape together or even fight the Wither. Tommy had his sword with him, but it would only help in close combat, and the explosions and the fog kept you out of range. In your mind, you went through all the possibilities, you couldn’t stay behind that tree for much longer.

The longer you hid, the weaker you became and the more damage the Wither did. There was only one way, you started to realize, and you knew Tommy would never approve of it.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

The ice cubes clanged quietly against the glass, as Schlatt swayed it back and forth, lost in thought. His gaze was directed out of the window, at the heavy snowfall that had colored the whole city white, and yet he seemed to have no interest in it.

After arguing with you, he had retired to the White House, pulled out his best bottle of whiskey and tried to mute the noisy thoughts, numb the pain in his chest. He couldn’t get rid of the picture, your tear-filled eyes, watching you escape from the ice, shouting those ugly words, as you vanished behind the hill, wrapped in snow and wind. He didn’t know where this jealousy of Will, one of his closest friends since childhood, came from, why he couldn’t restrain himself and why he let you go.

The weather was ruthless, the wind ripped through the trees and the snow continued to fall merciless. The shaking of the shutters tore Schlatt out of his fixation. The hybrid ruffled his nose before lifting the glass to its lips, where he stopped. Outside, down the road, there was something going on.

Curiously, Schlatt got up from his chair and stepped closer to the window, his glass in one hand, hoping to see you. Instead of his lover, he saw Tubbo standing with his hands in the air, gesticulating wildly in front of Will and Niki.

A bad feeling spread in Schatt’s stomach area; something was wrong, he knew it. Hastily, he put his glass back on his desk and hurried to his office door, tore his coat off the coat rack along the way, and called for his right hand Quackity.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

"We'll have to split up." you whispered into the blond mop of hair.

Tommy looked up at you, eyebrows drawn together, and shook his head stubbornly. You were still huddled together on the floor with the boy half sitting on your lap. "I don't want that.", he reacted firm and ran the back of his hand over his reddened nose. Looking deep into his eyes, you raised your hand to his cheek. A smile played around your lips as you stroked the boy's furrowed brow.

"I should have known you'd pick up that stubbornness from Will, I see him in you a lot by now, you've grown up so much." Now Tommy had to grin too, though he tried to hide it. The grin immediately fell off his face, however, as the Wither skulls screamed loudly and his lower lip began to quiver.

You couldn’t stand to see him like that. He was so young. In this weather, he should sit inside with a hot chocolate, play games and not hide in the woods from a wither to fear his life.

"Shh, it’s going to be okay.", you tried to calm him down, but the trembling in your voice could not even convince you. "You have to get the others, Will, Dream, Techno- all fighters.", you began to explain your plan a second time, this time with more urgency. You wouldn’t let Tommy die today, you’d make sure of that.

Another squeal of the wither. Tommy turned around, but you shook him on his shoulders until he looked at you again, his blue eyes were wet with tears. "Listen to me!" you whispered as forcefully as you could in the volume.

"You have to run now, Tommy, faster than you’ve ever run. Don’t look back, keep on going till you get to town. Get everyone together, explain what happened, but waste as little time as possible. You will describe to them where I am, where the Wither is, and then you will stay in the city."

"I want to help! It’s all my fault, I have to fight him!"

"No! You will stay in the city, you have to promise me that!" You pulled him into a firm hug one last time and whispered, "I’ll make sure you get back safely." Unseen by him, tears ran down your face as you tried to memorize the feeling of him in your arms one last time.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

His guess was right, something was wrong, Schlatt realized when he and Quackity left the White House and went down to the street. Unfortunately, he also noticed that the whiskey couldn’t appease his jealousy towards Will, because all he had to do was look at the Brit and he saw himself again at the hockey game, where he had to watch from a distance, how Will had put his arms around his lover , had put a kiss on your cheek, which you had commented only with laughter.

Will noticed the gaze lying on him, his finger tapping his lips thoughtfully towards him, and Schlatt gritted his teeth. The mood was too tense for his jealousy to be right in place.

"What happened?", Quackity broke the awkward eye contact between the two old friends, and only then did Schlatt notice Tubbo shifting uneasily from one leg to the other. Instantly he pulled the boy to his side and ran his hand through his brown hair.

"Tommy has been missing since this morning and I'm worried, with the weather we've been having- he may have got lost and can't find his way back." The boy explained, his voice breaking over several times.

"I'm sure we can find him, we can start a search party.", Niki suggested and Schlatt was about to agree when his eyes fell on Will who continued to pace back and forth, his hands now clasped behind his back. Anyone else would have attributed this behavior to pure worry, concern for a missing child, but Schlatt had known Will too long not to recognize an inner conflict in his best friend.

"Will?", he asked and the brunette looked up, his eyes wandered restlessly from Schlatt, to Niki, to Quackity.

"Tommy and I had a fight.", he started and Niki sighed. "Nothing will have happened Will, it’s not your fault." Schlatt watched carefully as Niki put her hand on Will’s cheek and turned his head towards her.

He missed the feeling of your hand in his.

Will tore himself away from Niki with an unusual roughness for him. "That’s not it. We had a fight, Tommy wanted to try something he found in one of Techno’s books, but I told him not to. Tommy wouldn’t listen, he got mad and pushed me away, and I walked out like the fool I am! I thought he was old enough to know his limits, but I’m afraid the exact opposite has happened." He was silent for a second. "He wanted to spawn a wither."

Although the snowstorm had already swept temperatures to unknown depths, Will’s words left a much worse cold in Schlatt’s heart. He stared at Will, hoping it was just a joke and he missed the punchline. However, he evaded every eye contact.

"A wither? You left him with the thought of summoning a wither?" Quackity repeated next to him, he did not believe the Brit in any way. Not even when he nodded.

"Oh Will, why didn’t you tell us about this earlier?" asked Niki and Will ruffled his hair. "I don’t know! I didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily. How would I know that the boy is so caught up he won’t come back in a blizzard?"

"Would he be able to have spawned the Wither?", Schlatt interjected, while he continued to stroke Tubbo's shoulder reassuringly with his hand. He could only guess how scared the boy must be. First his best friend had disappeared and now they were talking about one of the most dangerous beings he had possibly summoned.

Ever since Tubbo had shown an interest in politics and had roamed the White House over and over again, Schlatt had taken him under his wing, looked after the boy, gave him a place to retreat, knowing how tempestuous his family could be at times.

Over the months, he had grown so fond of the boy that he was determined to protect him from the dangers of the world. If it were up to him, Tubbo wouldn't even be there now, but waiting in the White House for the blizzard to pass or playing a round or two of chess with Schlatt in the fireplace room.

"I don't see how Tommy could have gotten the materials. The only ones who own something like that are Dream, Techno and Phil. Dream, he would never ask about it and Techno and Phil locked them away in the house. If he did, he'd have to have stolen from them, and I don't want to imagine that.", Will replied, and Schlatt nodded considerably.

"We should still go looking, the weather isn't necessarily getting any better, and once the sun has fully set, our chances won't get higher."

Quackity was right, there wasn't much time left until nightfall and everyone was aware of what could happen if Tommy had actually gotten lost or something had happened to him.

"Quackity, take Tubbo to the White House and notify everyone on the emergency system. We expect everyone here in ten minutes at the latest and then we'll split up!" At Schlatt's command, Quackity turned and ran back down the gravel path to the house.

Tubbo did not leave Schlatt's side. "I want to help find him, he's my best friend."

"I understand you”, Schlatt squatted down to look the boy in the eye.

"You’re worried about Tommy, and we’re very grateful to you for coming to us, but if Tommy actually spawned a wither, I can’t take you into the fight. You will stay in the city, you have to promise me that!"

"Promised.", Tubbo hesitantly agreed and Schlatt pulled him into a short hug.

"We’ll get Tommy back safely, I promise you." He whispered to him before he got up and sent Tubbo Quackity after him.

As soon as the tall dark doors behind the two had closed, Schlatt turned to Will and Niki, his look stone-cold.

"You’re pissed that I didn’t say anything.", Will noticed and Schlatt raised his eyebrow.

"A little, but now there’s nothing we can do about it. Let’s just hope nothing bad has happened."

"If you’d just told us what’s going on at noon today, me and (y/n) would have been able to find Tommy and talk the nonsense out of him.", Niki muttered into her scarf.

Schlatt flinched at the mention of your name. "(y/n) knew about the dispute?" His heart started beating faster as he realized what might have happened.

Niki and Will nodded. "Yeah, I bumped into them after I broke up with Tommy."

"But the two of us knew nothing more than that they were having a fight.", added Niki. "Why?" Her voice sounded critical, and Schlatt could tell from her questioning look that she must have noticed his concern for you.

Schlatt felt his heart stop beating for a moment and the queasy feeling spread further. He felt like he was about to throw up, his environment began to spin slightly and he rubbed the side of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "After the game there was also a dispute between the two of us, I hurt them so badly that they disappeared over the hills towards the coast."

With each word, his voice grew harsher, his eyes hurt worse, and he could feel a twinge in his chest. Will's and Niki's reaction confirmed his fears and tears gathered in Niki's eyes. "Will came from there, what if.." That was as far as Niki got, Schlatt had already started running.

The wind howled so hard around his ears that he could barely hear Will and Niki's shouts behind him. The raging of the storm tore at the gold chains in his hair, nearly jerking him off his feet. The cold ate through every layer of his clothes until it gnawed at his bones. It was the images his brain projected that spurred him on and gave him the strength he needed to push his physical limits. His thoughts rolled over as he ran to the hills that made for a bitter taste in his mouth. What if Tommy had actually managed to summon a Wither? What if you wanted to help him and now both-, he refused to elaborate on that thought.

The situation was so unrealistic that Schlatt escaped a desperate laugh; why did he have to send you away? None of this would have happened if he had stopped you, apologized for those words. When he was finally man enough to tell you honestly how he felt.

"It’s going to be nothing but a fling" , he had whispered to you in the heat of the night, as if his heart had not already beaten for you alone. He wanted to love you, hold you, to have you to himself. Fulfill you every wish, show you how much you meant to him and that he couldn’t live without you. You gave him strength, in moments like these, when you were not even present, but he felt it in his heart and that was enough to ignite his hope.

Even if he had to defeat a wither with his bare hands

He had just passed the abandoned skating rink, where a lone pair of ice skates lay next to the bleachers, when he could make out a figure through the flurry of snow. Again he laughed, this time with relief, and he almost fell to his knees in the snow, thanking the gods, until the figure approached and he looked into the dirty, and tear-stained face of Tommy. And Schlatt collapsed.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

The world around you had become gloomy after Tommy and you broke up. The last light he had carried in his pure heart had disappeared with him among the trees when you had put your plan into action. Until the end, Tommy had resisted leaving you, didn't want to let you go, and certainly didn't want to let you risk your life. Your plan had sounded simple in your head, you would run towards the beach, drawing the wither's attention to you and thus giving Tommy a chance to run into the woods. But as the boy disappeared and you ran across the frozen ground, further and further away from the spot in the woods, you found it harder and harder to look forward to a happy ending.

The fight against the wither was much more a fight against yourself and the rational part of your brain that was screaming at you to give up. The other part wanted to see Schlatt again, love him, hold him, have him for yourself. You didn't care how he saw your relationship- you wanted to tell him how you felt about him and that you didn't want to have an affair anymore. You wanted him, all of him, or not at all.

And ’not at all' seemed to get closer and closer, you had to realize frightened after a quick glance over your shoulder. The wither approached you at a nonadjustable speed and tore apart every tree that stood in its way. You left a trail of sheer chaos, death, and perhaps an easy-to-find trail for the help Tommy was supposed to get. You just made it to the dock, when one of the wither balls hit the ground right in front of you. The shock seemed to make your body realize that all the reserves were more than exhausted and you just couldn’t take it anymore and with a wheez you fell on your knees first to the snow.

At the same moment you were ready to give up, the blue mist slowly enveloping you and all the pain in your body disappearing, the wither turned around.

If you had been able to shout out your joy, you probably would have, however, at the sight of the shining armor you could just barely make out with blurry vision, you could only manage a twitch of the corners of your mouth, and as a flurry of arrows drove the Wither further towards the water, an infinite sense of peace flowed through you.

"(y/n)!"

Your head snapped up as a swinging light moved through the snow towards you. Despite the commands being shouted around, you recognized the voice immediately and you struggled back to your feet to run towards the light.

With a relieved sob, you let Schlatt catch you and hold you close. His arms wrapped around you so tightly that you thought for a moment he would take your breath away. After all you had experienced in the last few hours, you knew you were safe with Schlatt and so you snuggled up to him, running your hands over his body, feeling completely secure that you had finally arrived home. He trembled under your touch, and as you ran your hands over his cheeks, you saw the tears in Schlatt's dark eyes.

"I thought I’d lost you.", he whispered and pressed his forehead against yours. His lips chased after yours and a faded taste of whiskey spread on your tongue. It gave you the last push.

"Schlatt, can we take the next step?" you asked unsurely against his lips and you felt his breath stunted. His hands pressed you slightly backwards by the shoulders until he was able to take a look at you, his mouth forming a quiet "baby?". When you realized what he was implying and that it wasn't a nickname, your eyes opend wide and you shook your head. "Not that!"

It was unmistakable how relieved Schlatt took a deep breath, but after that, he wore an even more confused look. He tilted his head slightly, started talking, and then fell silent again. Questioningly you looked at him until he carefully took your hands in his. "Am I wrong, or are you just asking for my hand in marriage, or do you want me to ask you to marry me?"

"What?", your voice slipped into high pitch. "I want a relationship with you! A real one, not just this bed jumping!", you shouted so loudly that it could be heard over the ongoing battle against the wither. Schlatt wrinkled his nose. "Wait."

He pulled you closer again by his hands after you took a step backwards and lifted them to his lips to breathe a kiss on your knuckles. "You thought we were- we weren't in a relationship?"

"Now I feel stupid"

"You thought that after all these months you were still just a scratch on the edge of my bed and not the most important thing in my life? I mean, after myself." He added the last part with a grin, which took away your tension a little.

Then you realized."Oh my God, that's why you were jealous of Will!"

With a "What!" Schlatt took aside your hand, which you had struck in front of your forehead. "Yes, you were! You really had no reason though- Will and I are good friends, nothing more." you calmed him with a smile.

Once again he kissed the knuckles of your right hand and fixed you with his gaze, which made your knees soft. "Very good, because now that we are on the same page, I would like to tell the whole world that you are mine."

You placed your free hand on the place of his chest right above his heart. "That’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me."

"Then what was my comment about your butt?"

"That was the second most beautiful thing."

At the same moment, a gust of ice-cold wind swept over to you from the sea, passing through your body as if it were nothing, leaving a tremor that made Schlatt pause anxiously. He immediately took off his coat to put it over yours, which by now was just as wet as your socks.

You couldn't even contradict that he was now only wearing his dark green sweater; a loud death scream interrupted you even before you could have finished your thoughts.

Spellbound, you stared at the spot a good twenty yards away where Techno and Dream were pulling their swords from the motionless skeleton. The blue mist still played around their ankles, but steadily seeped into the ground until there was nothing left of it. Something about the wither skeleton seemed to draw you in and you took a step towards it.

A hand grabbed yours, held you back. "Are you sure you want to go there? After all that could have happened to you?", Schlatt asked.

He was right, who knows what would have happened if they hadn't shown up in time. "But you're with me." You continued to look at the skeleton that everyone had stood around, blocking your view. "You help me fight the evil."

Your hand in his, you walked the meters to the group and tried to ignore the pitying looks from all sides. You would stay strong, Schlatt helped you do that. Shoulder first, you pushed past Eret and Puffy to step into the inner circle, in whose midst laid the black bones.

"Techno? What powers does the Wither have?"

Your question was not unreasonable, the last few hours had burned themselves into your brain, every step was repeated again and again, and an unrealistic presence had embedded itself in your heart that seemed to feed on your fear. The situation was too unrealistic, and if Tommy had learned everything he knew about the wither from Techno, he would be able to tell you more. The man continued to poke around in the bones while talking about the wither, as if it still was a mythical creature and would not be laying in front of all the eyes of the world.

"The Wither is one of the representatives of death. It has many features, such as the smoke, which causes headaches or nausea for many. However, the most dangerous or interesting thing about him – depending on how you feel about this fantastic being – is the effect on the psyche. Affected people report that they have only felt an emptiness in his vicinity, and it is believed that he can withdraw positive feelings and thoughts in order to be able to defeat his victims faster and, ah" Techno pulled up his black fabric trousers at the waist and knelt down in the snow, with the protective armor crunching the snow to the side. To the amazement of all, he drew a shining star out of the earth. The pink-haired man put on his golden glasses, which had been hanging around his neck, and looked at the star from all sides.

"Here we have him; the Nether Star or that thing which kept the wither ’alive'. I would take it, after all, it was my materials that Tommy had used without consent." When the boy was mentioned, Schlatt’s grip became firmer.

You were too busy thinking about Techno’s words about the Wither, though, then you could react to it. It was scary how you yourself were about to give up. The ice-cold tightness in your entire body reminded you of that, and you knew it wouldn’t go away so quickly.

The experience had stripped the beach of the purity you had previously associated with it, and instead, there seemed to be this dark cloud hovering over it that would remind everyone of that day.

Not really noticing what was happening around you due to your tiredness, you noticed too late the two people who had appeared at the edge of the beach. It wasn't until Schlatt grumbled, "That he even dares coming here," under his breath and his hand clenched which shook you out of wither's trance and you followed his gaze.

Your heart skipped a beat.

You tore yourself away from Schlatt and dashed through the crowd to meet the boy, who had already started running at the sight of you. Tommy fell around your neck with a force that sent you both reeling. His arms wrapped around you and he pressed his face into your neck, just like the last time you hugged.

"I'm so proud of you Tommy, you were able to get them all.", you laughed and let the boy spin you around. "You really are the bravest hero anyone could ask for." Gently, you brushed the hair from his face and stroked the bridge of his nose with your finger. "Thanks Tommy."

"Oh sure, I'm only known as a lady hero!", he grinned his cheekiest boyish grin that stretched from ear to ear.

"Can you please tell me what you were thinking?" it thundered behind you and you two drove up. Schlatt stood, arms folded in front of his chest, next to Will, who also mustered Tommy. Under the strict gaze, the blonde seemed to shrink a few inches, his head disappeared between his raised shoulders. "That was unforgivable, Tommy, I hope you know that! Summon a wither? I knew right from the start that there were limits to you and your childish behavior." The man now turned to Will, who put a lock under his hat and, unlike Tommy, did not seem to be affected by Schlatts anger.

"I should exile the boy for his behavior, you know that."

"What?" You and Tommy shouted in fright, but Schlatt silenced your protests with a movement of his hand. "He has endangered the lives of everyone, he stole from Techno, and what is not so bad, yet worth mentioning: he has destroyed half the forest and parts of the beach. These are of course things that we can repair and in a little time the stolen material will be recovered, but I cannot and must not overlook the fact that (y/n) almost"

It was easy to see how Schlatt had to pull himself together saying the words and it drove tears into your eyes, "(y/n) could have died."

"I know, and I will feel guilty for like forever." Tommy interrupted him, and Schlatt’s gaze softened for a second until he put on the role of mayor again. "You’re still going to help make it up.", he warned with a raised finger. Relieved, you sighed as the boy scrunched his face. "So you want me to clean up? Aw man, I don’t feel like doing that."

"That’s the least you can do" Will nudged his shoe against Tommys. "Now you come along and apologize to Techno; let’s see what you should do as compensation for him."

Once again Tommy moaned annoyed and stared at the named man, who seemed to continue searching through the remains of the wither. "He’s gonna turn my neck around, please, no Will...Will!" begging, Tommy drew up the name of the Brit in the length, who didn’t care and consistently walked away after giving you a warm smile.

"Wonderful to see you alive, (y/n)."

"I am very grateful to you for giving him another chance; who knows what would have happened if you had actually exiled Tommy or Will.", you said softly and saw Will put his arm around Tommy's shoulders.

Schlatt next to you smiled. "Darling, do you really think I could exile Tommy after what we did back in the day?"

Tired, you looked up at him and pressed yourself closer to him. "Let’s go home, Schlatt, who knows what will happen tomorrow."

thank you for reading <3 please take care of yourselves and drink some water, eat smth and take a deep breath

[watchmegetobsessed]

Prisoner - Bucky Barnes

a/n: hi everyone! i am really excited to share this with you, because this one was written for a writing challenge! it is part of @wkemeup​ ‘s 9k writing challenge and it’s the first time i take part in anything like this with a Bucky fic! not that i have many but im sure more is about to come lol! let me know what you thought after reading!

prompt: Character A is possessed/controlled and attempts to harm Character B. [B] refuses to fight back in fear of hurting [A].  

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: blood, violence, mind controlling, just the usual jazz lol

word count: 7.8k

masterlist

Bucky and you were a pair made in hell. Only that he is the only one out of the two of you who really went through the deepest and darkest corners of it while you were basically just waiting in the lobby, as you like to say it.

He wasn’t the only person HYDRA had plans with. Being an orphan from the age of four, you didn’t have the life you probably deserved. Abducted at the age of twenty, you lived in cells and labs for years before they gave you the serum, turning you into a super solider, with determined plans to turn you into a kind of winter soldier 2.0, eventually wiping your head like his and turning you into the perfect assassin. Only that before they could start with the torture, you were rescued by none other than Captain America during a raid on one of HYDRA’s secret bases.

The Avengers gave you shelter when you had absolutely nothing left in life. Your previous life was long forgotten, almost entirely non-existent, all you had is the safety these extraordinary people were offering you, that you took more than willingly.

You were there when Bucky was captured, still very much fighting with his own conscious. You were in the building when Zemo triggered him into being a murderer again and he broke free, fought his ex best friend, saved his life and then disappeared again. You often found yourself thinking about how you’d be just the same if you weren’t saved. How you’d be out there, used as just a toy to end lives.

You never had to go through the process of ripping this side of yourself out of your head, because they never succeeded with you. But Bucky didn’t have it as lucky as you did. When Shuri contacted you that he was awake from his hibernation and they were working on wiping the winter soldier out of him, you didn’t hesitate to drop everything and be there for him. You didn’t know him that well back then, but you felt like you shared a deep connection through the torturous things you had to go through. You were there for him until he finally became entirely himself. No more winter soldier, just Bucky.

The two of you have tens of missions together behind your back at this point. Partners in work, friends in life, that’s what you are. And in your dreams?

Definitely lovers.

Now as you are rotting in a dark and musty cell somewhere in the middle of Poland, you are starting to regret you never really told him how you feel. You had so many chances to come clear but you were too afraid of rejection and the possibility of ruining your strong friendship and most importantly partnership that you chose to keep it all bottled up inside you.

It might have been days or hours since they locked you in your cell, you wouldn’t know. You lost track of time and you’re not expecting to see the daylight anytime soon either. Are they looking for you? Or do they think you died? No one was around you when you were abducted and there were no signs left behind that would have let your team know you survived. There was a massive explosion near your location in the raid, anyone would easily think that you were caught in the middle of that.

Does Bucky think I’m dead too? Has he given up on me?

You’re starting to think you’ll never find that out. Just like how you’ll never find out what it’s like to grow old, have a home that’s not just a room in a facility, spend your days with your hobbies rather than trainings and missions.

As the thick metal door opens and a creak of light breaks the heavy darkness in your cell, you look up at the man who walks in. If your hands weren’t cuffed with fucking vibranium cuffs, you would easily kill him in a heartbeat along with the three bulky guards he brought with himself.

“It’s time to make a use out of you,” the man grinned before two guards grabbed you by your arms, dragging you out of the cell, taking you God knows here. Probably to your death.

“You have to check twice,” Buckly growled upon hearing Agent Hill’s report from what was found at the scene. Or what was not found.

“No signs of Y/N were found, Bucky. But that explosion was so massive, it wiped out everything in it’s close radius. If she stood close to that…” “But what if she didn’t?!” he snaps, barking at the innocent agent. The room falls silent, no one dares to speak up against Bucky’s raging anger. Fury steps forward and places a hand to the upset soldier’s shoulder as a soft warning to control himself. Bucky takes a deep breath before looking over at Fury, no longer determined to rip anyone apart who wants to argue with him.

“Let’s all calm down and see what we can do. Do you think she survived?” Fury simply questions him. Bucky taps on the panel and a map of the location pulls up on the big screen, showing a little red dot at the places where the team members were located last before the explosion.

“Her last location was far enough of it for her to survive,” he explains pointing at your dot.

“But if she moved just a little closer—“ Hill starts again, but she quickly silences herself when Bucky shoots her another warning look.

“I think she was captured. We can’t just assume that she is gone that easily,” he insists, refusing to even think about the possibility of you dying in that explosion. That’s just simply not an option for him.

Fury stares back at him hard, searching for something in his eyes before he finally nods.

“Alright, let’s get on the case. We need to find out where they could be possibly hiding her.”

Bucky breathes out in relief as the team gets down to work immediately. This is not the part he can help with, he sucks at technical things, so now he is left with just the painful wait until a lead pops up and he can come to your rescue.

 The gym is eerily quiet without your bickering. He always trains with you and it’s been one of his favorite things to do. The two of you liked to race in everything and thought you both knew he was faster and stronger, he always let you win a few times, giving you the chance to tease him about being second after you.

But now as he is punching the heavy bag on his own, he wishes he could hear one of your snarky comments about his lopsided moves, because he still hasn’t entirely gotten used to the uneven strength in his hands.

“If she is really out there, I’m sure she is doing fine.”

Sam walks in, his steps echo in the empty room and though Bucky stops for a moment, he doesn’t look at him, just keeps punching the bag.

“She is tough, Bucky. She can take care of herself.”

“Not when she is outnumbered by a dozen,” he growls back. “I know she is tough, but sometimes that’s just not enough.”

For a long time Bucky thought Steve is the only person he can work with as partners, but he had to realize that he had a special bond with you through the tortures you both had to go through and sometimes he felt like you were the only one who understood him truly. Even though your brain wasn’t washed like his, you were close to it and it gave you a great understanding of what he had to go through.

But it wasn’t just about the trauma. As you grew closer to each other you easily became friends, really good ones for all that matters. Bucky loved spending time with you on and out of missions as well. He finds your humor a little dark but quite entertaining, he likes how you are more social than he is so whenever you need to work with someone else you always take the role of the communicator, building a bridge between him and others easily. He loves how much you care about others, how you show your appreciation for your loved ones in the tiny details as making breakfast or baking their favorite cookies. He loves the way you smile whenever he messes up something and you have to take care of it eventually, he loves the way you laugh at his lame, old jokes, he loves how you always fall asleep on horror movies and he loves…

He loves you.

For years he thought he would never feel this way again for anyone, because it’s so raw and human, he thought it was wiped out of him when he became the winter soldier, but you proved him wrong. And now he wishes he told you how he felt, because if you won’t return, he has to live his life knowing you never knew how much you meant to him.

Tossing and turning in his bed, he stays wide awake, not able to even close his eyes when he knows you are out there somewhere, because you have to be. He refuses to nurse the thought of you gone for even a second. You’re qualified, the best fighter he has ever met and he has this feeling in his gut that you made it out of there alive. Maybe you knew the explosion was about to happen. Maybe you ran the opposite way before it was too late. Or maybe you found shelter, or simply was just knocked out of the impact of it and they captured you.

So many possibilities that are way more better than the fatality of your death.

Kicking the silky sheets off his body, the ones he deep down hates because it’s way too smooth against his skin, something he still has a hard time to grow accustomed to, he pulls a hoodie over his head before creeping his way out of his bedroom, down the hallway until he reaches yours. He stands still at the door, a sense of anxiety washing over him as he thinks about what’s inside. Not that it’s the first time he is here, he has spent endless nights in your room, the two of you talking and laughing as you showed him your favorite movies he hasn’t seen. You often bought a big bag of snacks for your movie nights and the two of you sprawled across your comforter, your legs sometimes touching, or there was this one time when he let you braid his hair.

“You should come to missions like this,” he remembers your teasing as you ran your fingers through the neat braids running along his head.

“And give the boys another reason to tease me? No thank you,” he chuckled.

“Another? What do they tease you about?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows as you popped a gummybear into your mouth.

You. It was you they teased him about and how obvious his feelings for you are. Seemingly everyone saw how you looked at each other but you and him.

He twists the silver doorknob before pushing the door open, part of him hoping to see you curled up under the sheets, snoring lightly and peacefully, but the room is terribly empty without your presence.

Everything is just the way you left them. The abandoned workout clothes hanging from the edge of the hamper, your running shoes under the window, your journal lying on your nightstand with a pen on top and his favorite… a framed picture of you and him on your bookshelf with all your favorite romantic novels stacked neatly on the shelves.

Bucky steps closer, his hands hidden in the pooch of his hoodie as he stares at the photo. It was taken a few days after the two of you returned from Wakanda, Bucky was finally free from the winter soldier and it was probably the best few days of his life. The two of you decided to take a trip to London before returning to your duty, a place you always wanted to see, but never really got the chance. It was just the two of you, taking some time away from the avengers, SHIELD, all the bad in the world, pretending like you’re two normal people for just a weekend before returning to your duties in New York. The photo was taken when you returned from the getaway, Steve took it in the gym, the two of you sat at the edge of the boxing ring after a killer fight. It was a simple moment, his arm stretched behind you as you leant against his side. The glow from your alone time was still apparent on your faces, neither of you felt happier in life before, or not at least in the last decade.

His vision blurs as he runs a finger through the frame, a sharp pain stabbing in his chest as he watches your bright smile and rosy cheeks. He never thought he would feel this way about anyone, not after everything he went through, but you proved him wrong. You showed him how much more human he still is that what he thinks of himself and you might not even have realized it.

Too restless to go back to sleep, Bucky storms out of your room, carefully closing the door behind him before going down to Tony’s office, determined to make himself useful. He can’t just sit around and wait, he needs to feel like he is doing everything he can.

When the first rays of the sun shine above the horizon and the first agents arrive for their shifts, He has already gone through an immense amount of security tapes from all around the world that had even the slightest match through the face recognition system with yours. None of them turned out to be real, but he never gave up.

“Barnes, were you here all night?” Tony asks in awe when he finds the long-haired avenger with his eyes glued to one of the screens, watching yet another tape.

“Not all night, but… for the majority, yes,” he nods without even sparing Tony a look.

Any other day Tony would tease him for maybe finally doing something useful, or not only using his fist in a case, but not today. Everyone on the team knows how much you mean to him and how hard it is to not know where you are. So he just nods, places his coffee down to the desk and gets down to work without a word.

Soon enough the rest of the team joins them and everyone is working together to find even the slightest lead. Every other minor case is put aside, you are their priority.

The more time passes by without anything found, Bucky feels like a part of him is dying more and more. Hopelessness and fear is taking over his already messed up mine, but he is still holding onto the light and that small little feeling in his gut that you are still out there somewhere. And then they find a lead.

“We’ve got a match!” Nat beams from behind her screen and everyone gathers around her as a series of blurry photos play in front of them, showing a group of men carrying a clearly unconscious person to a minivan before driving away. The quality is definitely not the best, your face is also half covered by your hair, but your uniform gives you away. It really is you.

“Where and when was this taken?” Bucky asks in a hurry.

“Last night, outside of Krakow. We have one last coordinate for the van,” Nat informs the group as she brings up a map, a red dot signaling the last spotting of the same van.

“There’s a closed off military based near,” Steve chimes in, pointing at the map a few miles away from where the pictures were taken.

“Alright, suit up everyone. Guess we are going to Poland,” Tony announces and a moment later everyone is running off to get ready for takeoff.

The ground doesn’t feel that bad anymore. It’s wet and there’s gravel here and there, the coldness is not too comfortable either, but you are getting used to it. Probably because it makes you feel things and that’s important to you now. In times when you often lose contact with your own body and mind, feelings keep you grounded and they remind you of who you are.

Last night you finally found out who caught you and it wasn’t a pleasant surprise. Aziel Nowak is a name you’ve already heard before, but not in the best way. The guy is totally crazy and if that’s not enough, he is kind of a genius as well. These two never sit well with each other and you knew it was just a matter of time before you had to face him, but you didn’t think these would be the circumstances.

Nowak’s father, Aleksander was a well-known scientist in the circles of HYDRA, he was one of the assholes responsible for wiping Bucky’s head, unfortunately, his own creation brought his death upon him. Bucky killed him during a raid, all while Aleksander was trying to trigger him, but Bucky was faster than him and shoot him in the head before he could get the second trigger word out. Aziel swore to seek revenge for his father’s death and made it clear that his big plan is to take out every avenger one by one, but all during completely destroying Bucky in every possible way.

Stuck in a clear tube, one that was built specially for super soldiers, you stood in his lab as he got everything ready for his master plan with you.

“The winter soldier was full of flaws,” he started to explain to you, working behind his computer while you couldn’t do anything to stop the madness. Even if you could break out of the tube, you were terribly outnumbered with the hoard of guards in the room, all of them armed and ready to rip you apart. It would have been a suicidal mission.

“The trigger words take a lot of time to enlist and sometimes, we just don’t have time for that. We need our soldier instantly, in a push of a button, if I might add,” he smirked and you almost gagged. He was a lowlife, disgusting middle-aged man, completely out of touch of reality, wrapped up in his own head with his ridiculous misconceptions and twisted view of the world.

“But fear no more, I have a better solution,” he grinned at you, holding up a tiny chip between his fingers and your jaw flexed. You didn’t know what it was, but you had guesses. “Spent years working on this little thing and now I can finally test it out and you get to be the lucky one to do it. Start the gas,” he ordered and a moment later some kind of gas started to fill the tube up. Your pathetic attempt to escape was cut off shortly when you felt your whole body freeze as you inhaled the gas. You just stood there, completely no control over your own body. The back of the tube opened with a hiss once the gas cleared out from around you and you felt a sharp stabbing at the back of your neck. You couldn’t even gasp, you were as frozen as a statue, unable to defend yourself and you truly felt like it’s the end. You wish it was though.

Nowak implanted the chip into your spine and you could feel the wires cling into your nerves, melting into your body like a parasite. A single tear rolled down your cheek as your wound was closed off.

“This is going to be so much fun,” Nowak smirked when he walked into your sight again. He had a control panel in his hands and as he pushed some buttons electricity bolted through your whole body and you completely lost control over your actions. Your body moved without your consent, arms and legs acting without your brain actually telling them.

You became a prisoner in your own body.

The night was spent fighting with Nowak’s best guards as he tested out his new toy: you. He could control your whole body thanks to the chip and while you were screaming and shouting in your head, there was no escape. He made you into his ragdoll and there was nothing you could do against it.

He switched the chip off when you were thrown back into the cell. You sobbed for hours probably as you tried to get the thing out of yourself, blood was dripping down your back, but you had to accept that it was too deep, clinging onto your spine, you couldn’t get it out with your bare hands.

Now you are lying on the floor and try to remember who you are, because you’ve been feeling like you lost touch with your true self. The only thing that has been helping is remembering your favorite memories.

It makes your heart flutter when you realize that most of them have Bucky in them. Your most favorite? The time you spent in London. Those days are the closest and dearest to your heart and now you just wish you could go back in time for even just an hour. Strolling down the streets like any other tourists without a worry in the world, watching the city lay in front of you as you ride the London Eye or walking along the River Thames. You felt so normal, so happy, sharing your time with the man you probably love the most in the whole wide world.

“I could live here,” you sighed when the Big Ben came into view above the brick buildings.

“It rains too much here,” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at you, his arm brushing against yours.

“I like the rain. Love the smell of it, love how refreshing it feels after it,” you chuckled.

“And what would you want to do here?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe I would work at a library. Or a café!”

“You want to be a barista!” He chuckled, smirking down on you. “Is this why you wanted Tony to get a fancy espresso machine?”

“Well, not just because of this, I just really like good coffee,” you smiled up at him. “What, do you not like my coffee?”

“Oh, I do. You make the best in the tower,” he nodded.

You could always talk about anything and everything with him. He understood you so well and you liked to think it worked the other way as well. That you were just as important to him as he was to you.

“Bucky.” His name falls from your lips like a desperate plea, as if you could summon him and he’d be here any moment to rescue you. But nothing changes and you are still on your own.

You’ve been wondering if this is how he felt when they made him to be the winter soldier. If he went through the same struggle or if it was worse. He said he doesn’t remember everything he did, as if sometimes he just completely disappeared in his own head, but other times live vividly in his memories.

You remember everything too. The chip has no control over your mind and thoughts, it works as another brain that takes over control in your body, caging your mind in your own head while it works your body.

A siren rings through the building and you gasp, your head snapping in the direction of the metal door. You hear orders in a foreign language and running footsteps somewhere down the hallway. Pushing yourself up you move to the far end of the room as you hear someone approaching your cell. Before the lock clicks on the door, you feel the familiar electricity run through your body and you breathe out before you lose control over your body again. You stand up, not because you want to, but because this is what they ordered. The door swings open and Nowak walks in.

“Guess your little friends figured out where you are. It’s time to show them my masterpiece.”

The military base is pretty lively for a closed off one. As the team is approaching the complex they inspect the possibilities they have to get inside.

“Alright, we have to be smart about this. Nowak is a psychopath,” Tony announces when the quinjet is nearing the base. “Barron and Natasha, we need a diversion. Banner, you stay here and only come in if it’s needed,” he starts and everyone nods along. “Wanda, the same goes for you as well. Listen to the call word and be ready to interfere. Sam and I are going to clear the main building, try to find Nowak. Barnes, Cap, you are tracking Y/N down. Everything clear?”

“As daylight,” Steve nods as he grabs his shield from the side.

Once the quinjet touches down, everyone goes their own way, going along the plan they discussed. Nat and Clint do well with the diversion, a great amount of guards and soldiers are drawn in their way as Tony and Sam make their way into the main building of the base.

“Where should we look, Buck?” Steve asks his friend as they hide behind one of the quarters. Bucky looks around, inspects the place and nods towards a building that’s clearly powered with a lot more electricity for whatever reason, Thick cables running inside, snaking under the doors, pouring extra power inside. Steve nods and once the way is somewhat cleared out, they head inside.

They take down the few HYDRA agents that try to get in their way as they run further into the building without even breaking a sweat. They easily reach the lab and it almost feels way too easy.

“Something is not right,” Steve says as the two of them walk into the empty lab, curious inspecting all the machines and equipment they have absolutely no idea how to work.

Bucky’s eyes fall on the tube in the far corner of the room and walking closer he gets an eerie feeling and he can already picture you trapped inside, the thought making his stomach churn.

“Anyone found Nowak yet?” Steve asks through the com.

“Negative,” Nat grunts back in the middle of her own fight.

“Haven’t seen the fucker either,” Tony answers and Steve sighs.

Just as Bucky is about to head to the door that leads out of the lab at the other end from where they entered, the sliding door opens and they both get ready to fight whatever is about to come into sight. But neither of them were expecting you to walk out.

“Y/N?!” your name falls from Steve’s lips as he lets his shield down, staring back at you confused. But you don’t answer, just stop a few feet away from them, staring blankly ahead of you and Bucky swears he was on the verge of fainting from his anger, because he knew those eyes all too well, because he used to see them in the mirror.

“Y/N, what did they do?” he whispers desperately, a hand reaching out to you, but it’s quickly cut off when you grab his hand and easily throw him over, his back contacting the floor with a painful thump.

Hell breaks loose fast as you start fighting them off, using the advantage of their shock upon seeing you, working against them while they try to make you remember them.

“Y/N, it’s us! We don’t want to hurt you!” Steve growls when he saves himself from one of your hits, his shield coming between the two of you.

I know! I know it’s you, but I can’t do anything! You scream in your own head, unable to even form the words. You’re a prisoner in this body you thought to be yours, but it betrayed you.

You never fought both of them before at the same time, but now that it’s happening, you’re surprisingly good at it, handling two super soldiers at the same time when one of them has a vibranium arm while the other one keeps throwing a vibranium shield at you, though it’s clear they aren’t giving their best, afraid of hurting you even though you’re in killer mode right now and determined to rip them apart.

“Do you think they did the same to her as they did to you?” Steve asks out of breath when you throw them against a wall and return to fight Bucky.

“It’s something else. Look at the back of her neck!” he growls when you throw a punch in his way that he catches with his metal arm, holding your fist tight as you keep pushing it and this moment of pause allows Steve to take a look at you from the back.

“Oh shit,” he breathes out.

Yes! Take this shit out and I’m free! You scream, but no one hears. Your fist frees from Bucky’s grip and you kick him in the stomach so hard he snaps against the desk behind him and wasting no time you jump right at him, the fight continues.

“If anyone finds Nowak, don’t kill him. We’ve got Y/N and she is being controlled by something,” Steve explains through his earpiece before throwing his shield in your direction right when you’re about to attach your hands to Bucky’s neck. It hits you in the side and you fall to the ground grunting.

“Don’t fucking hurt her!” Bucky growls at him, but Steve gives him a look.

“She is trying to kill us, we have to do something!”

You’re on your feet fast, already charging at Steve and it catches him by surprise, he stumbles back as your knee collides with his stomach, a punch thrown at his pretty face.

“I see Nowak!” Tony’s voice comes through the earpieces, but they don’t have the chance to celebrate, because you’re kicking their ass big time.

When you want to launch yourself at Steve again, Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist from behind and he pulls back, pushing you away, making you stumble, but you’re back on your feet quickly. Your eyes meet and you want to touch him so badly, run into his arms, tell him how happy you are to see him and that he was the only thing that kept you sane, but instead, you throw yourself at him, fist colliding with the side of his head.

I’m so sorry, Buck!

“We’ve got Nowak!” Tony announces and Steve sighs in relief.

“Does he have something like a remote or controller?” he asks while you and Bucky are at each other’s throat. You throw him to a desk and drag him across it, papers and equipment flying everywhere before he ends up on the floor groaning. You have the perfect chance to throw a punch in again, but you turn around and run back towards the door you came through.

“He has a controlling panel, do you think it’s connected to Y/N?” Tony asks.

“Very much likely, but please hurry up, she is trying to run away!” Steve begs as they both start to chase after you in the labyrinth of hallways. You’re footsteps are echoing on the checkered floors as they are trying to catch up with you. You take a left turn and get out of their vision just for a split second. As they get around the corner they immediately freeze when they find you standing there, a gun pointing right at Bucky’s head, a deadly, but still rather blank expression in your eyes.

“Shit,” Steve breathes out.

“Y/N, I know you are in there,” Bucky speaks up.

Yes! I’m here! I’m here Bucky!

“The controller is locked, but we are working on it,” Tony announces through the com, but it doesn’t help their situation right now. If he can’t unlock the controller, you are likely to shoot them both if they don’t do something. As you stare back at your two friends, you are using everything in you to try to get back the control over your own body, but it’s like you’re just silently screaming in an empty, locked room.

“I know you hear me. Please, try to fight it off. I know how hard it is, but if anyone can do it, it’s you,” Bucky continues and if only you were in charge of yourself, you’d already be sobbing at the broken expression he is staring back at you with. Your finger is on the trigger and you can feel your muscles trembling.

“Buck, we need to disarm her,” Steve tells him, but he shakes his head.

“No. We can’t do that without hurting her and I’m not doing that.”

Oh Bucky! That’s the only way now!

“She is gonna shoot, Bucky. We have to do something!”

“She could have already fired. She is fighting it off, I know it.”

“Or maybe it’s just whatever it is inside her messing with her head as Tony is trying to break the controller.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I know you can do this. I’m not gonna hurt you, you can fight it!” Bucky continues, ignoring Steve’s words, who stands behind him with his jaw flexed.

I can’t do it, you need to knock me out! I’m not strong enough to do it!

You are trying everything you can and you are already holding your finger back, you would have already pulled the trigger if it wasn’t for your resistance somewhere in this cage. But you just know you’re not strong enough to stop yourself forever, they will need to disarm you, there’s no choice.

You stare back at Bucky, his forehead and left cheek bloody from wounds you gave him and he probably has a few bruises under his leather jacket as well, all because of you. Nowak made you hurt the person you love the most and now his life is being threatened. You know he won’t fight you, he will not try to disarm you, he would rather take the bullet than cause pain to you, more than what he already did during your fight.

The gun trembles in your hand as you’re desperately trying to gain your control back, sweat beading on your forehead, your chest heaving.

“Stark, we are running out of time!” Steve warns him through the com.

“Just one more second!” he answers, but you’re afraid you don’t have that much time.

“Y/N, please!” Bucky begs, a single tear rolling down his cheek and you can feel your own heart breaking at the sight of him. You can’t believe it’s because of you, you are causing him pain when you swore to work to see him his happiest in his life.

Your jaw flexes and you are on the verge of breaking, the tiniest light flashing in front of you as you keep pushing, trying to take back control, but then you feel like losing again. It all happens so fast, you can barely process.

You know you’re about to pull the trigger, you can’t stop yourself, but just as you are about to do it, Tony’s voice rings through the com.

“We got it!”

In a blink of the eye, the invisible grip that’s been keeping you tight vanishes, the cage opens up and suddenly you feel yourself come alive again as the most painful, deafening and desperate scream rips from your throat, the gun falling from your grip before you collapse on the ground in complete shock of everything that went down.

“Get it out! Get it out! I can’t do this!” you scream, your nails scratching the back of your neck once again, trying to reach the chip, but you’re just breaking your own skin once again, blood dripping down your back.

“Hey, it’s alright, sweetheart. We got you. You’re gonna be fine!” Bucky falls to his knees, cradling you into his arms as you sob into his hard chest, hands gripping the fabric of his jacket tight as your salty tears soak your cheeks, your whole body shaking.

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you repeat, shaking your head as if you were trying to get rid of the memories, but they are still there, you still know what it’s like to be a prisoner in your own head but at least now you are with Bucky and that brings you the peace of mind you’ve been seeking all along.

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s alright. You’ll be alright, sweetheart, you’re safe with me now,” he murmurs into your hair, his arms holding you so tight it’s starting to get hard to even breathe, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You cling onto him as if your life depends on it and in a way, it really does. Bucky gathers you into his arms as you keep mumbling your apologies and begs to make it stop even though you are not being controlled any longer. He carries you to the quinjet as he keeps murmuring reassuring words into your ear, telling you that everything is going to be alright now. You are in good hands.

You don’t let go of him on the way back and he doesn’t seem to want to do it either. Curled up on his lap, you let yourself fall into a shallow slumber as his fingers are dancing up and down your back, keeping you close to his chest, the feeling of finally being home taking over your senses.

Arriving back to New York you are helped off the jet by Bucky or course as he walks you to the med bay where Dr. Cho is already waiting for your arrival.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll fix you up,” she smiles at you as you are expected to let go of Bucky, but your head snaps back in his direction in panic, hands grabbing onto his anxiously.

“It’s alright, I’ll be here waiting for you. My stupid face will be the first thing you see when you wake up,” he jokes, his tired eyes fixated on you as you hesitate to let go of him, but eventually do it.

Keeping his promise Bucky stay outside as long as you are under Helen’s hands, not able to even drag him away to change clothes. The only thing he can make himself is dragging his ass to the nearest restroom to at least wash the dried blood off his face, but he quickly returns to his previous spot.

It turns out removing the chip is a bit more complicated than anyone thought. The micro wires are so deep in your nerves, Dr. Cho has to be careful if he doesn’t want to paralyze you with just one wrong move. Five entire hours pass by before the chip is finally out of you, before they place you in one of the rooms until you wake up from the anesthesia. Bucky is right by your side, holding your hand soothingly as he waits for you to open your eyes again. When he sees your eyelashes fluttering, he holds his breath as your eyes open and you adjust to the light and the view around you.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” he softly asks, gently brushing a strand of hair out of your forehead.

“Like… I just fought against two super soldiers,” you breathe out in a joking manner that makes him chuckle. You’re back and he missed you more than he could ever express.

As you let out a long and heave breath, you feel everything coming back to you and you can’t stop your sobs and the tears falling from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you gasp and he is quick to leap forward, one hand holding yours while the other one cups your cheek as he makes you turn your head towards him.

“No, no, no. You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N. You did everything you could, you fought it so well!”

“But I hurt you! I didn’t want to hurt you, I was screaming inside my head, but I just couldn’t stop!” you sob shaking your head.

“I know, it wasn’t your fault! Please don’t think for a moment anyone blames you!” he begs, his bright blue eyes glued to your pained face as you fight your tears back. A hand moves to the back of your neck, feeling the wound where the chip used to be.

“Is it gone?” you ask in a whisper.

“It is. Helen took good care of you. You’re free now,” he smiles and you feel a wave of relief washing over you right away. Your body is yours again, finally.

“I didn’t think I would be myself again,” you admit, your voice slightly shaking. Bucky’s heart breaks at your words, but remains silent as you carry on. “I kept thinking of memories that feel the closest to me and it was the only thing that kept me sane. And I realized that the dearest ones are all with you, Bucky.”

His lips part at your revelation as his heart is beating fast against his ribcage. He has been waiting for this moment to come for what feels like eternity and now it might become his reality.

“When I thought I would never be the same again, I just thought about… you. That I don’t get to see you again, when I always wanted to spend all my days with you, Buck.”

“I want to spend all my days with you too, sweetheart,” he breathes out, leaning closer until his face is only inches away from yours. “I hated the thought of you being gone without ever telling you how I feel.”

“How do you feel, Bucky?” you ask in a trembling voice.

“You are my everything, Y/N. You are my best friend and everything beyond and I was such a fool for not telling you before this, but the thought of losing you made me realize that I have to stop being a coward,” he chuckles with tears bubbling in his eyes. You reach out and cup his face in your palms, your thumb running along the dark circles under his eyes and you wonder if he even slept a moment since you’ve been gone.

“We were both idiots, don’t beat yourself,” you chuckle softly, making his mouth turns into a grin before he leans closer and his lips finally press against yours, capturing them in a sweet, so-good-to-have-you-back kiss you’ve been dreaming about for probably way too long but at least since London. It’s soft and gentle, filled with the promise of many more to come. Thought you’re trying to stretch it as long as possible, a cough is heard from the door and you both pull back, turning your attention at the rest of the team standing there, all of them happy to see you again, or maybe to see the two of you finally taking the step they’ve been waiting for to happen.

“I guess you are feeling better now, yeah?” Nat smirks as she walks further inside, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Much better,” you admit with a shy chuckle. “Thank you for the rescuing, guys.”

“It’s the least we could do,” Sam smirks at you.

“And Barnes would have gone nuts if we didn’t find you so that was also quite motivating,” Tony jokes nodding towards the man by your side, who is still holding your hand as if you could disappear any moment.

“Steve, I’m sorry for trying to hurt you,” you breathe out at the sight of the tall blonde man, but he just shrugs with a warm smile.

“It’s alright. At least now we know that you could easily kick our ass at the same time,” he jokes nodding towards Bucky, though you all know they were holding back, not wanting to hurt you. You still remember the look in Bucky’s eyes when you held him at gunpoint. He could have easily disarmed you but it would have cost you at least a broken arm, yet he refused to lay a hand on you and believed that you could control yourself again.

When the team is gone and it’s just the two of you again in the room, Bucky sits at the edge of your bed, his fingers playing with your hand over the white sheets as you let yourself fall into the sense of safety again.

“You should have disarmed me, Bucky,” you tell him, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I could have killed you,” you retort.

“I know,” he nods, his lips pressing into a thin line. “But I just couldn’t cause you any more pain.”

“The fact that I was hurting you was already a pain, Bucky. You should have just knock me out.”

“Would you ever do the same to me?” he questions and though you open your lips to answer, you realize that he is right. You would have never hurt him on purpose, not even if he was back at being the winter soldier. You could have never hurt your sweet Bucky, the man that means more than anything ever in your torturous life.

“See? How do you expect me to do it then?” he smiles softly. “But it doesn’t matter, you are free now. It’s all in the past.”

“It still broke my heart, seeing you like that.”

“I can only say the same,” he breathes out, his eyes softening on you. “I wanted to help you so bad, but I couldn’t…”

“You helped me a lot,” you smile at him, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of his forehead. He smiles back at you and through his ocean eyes are still looking tired and a little bloodshot, but there’s a tiny little glimmer in them, something you’ve seen before, it was the most apparent when Shuri was successful at ridding him from the winter soldier and you also saw it in London. You’ve been seeking this little shine for a long time and you’re happy to have it back.

“We should go on a vacation,” he suggests, his smile growing wider with each passing second.

“Oh, I didn’t know avengers had vacation days,” you tease him.

“They do, as much as they want,” he nods grinning. “Where would you want to go? Do you want to go back to London?” he questions as he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your bruised knuckles.

“Mm, we should go somewhere new,” you purse your lips. “I’ve always wanted to see Amsterdam.”

“Then Amsterdam it is,” he chuckles before leaning closer he kisses your lips gently with a promise of a bright future together.

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[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[hold-our-destiny]

so i thought since im not really writing much lately, id put a big list of all my ideas with brief summaries and if you guys wanted to see any in particular i could try to write a small oneshot of it.

1. basically peter having a long conversating with tony about the struggles of having his enhancements and explaining how he cant even kill himself because of his healing (like the scene from avengers)

2. Endgame au- “Hey peter? Its Tony- We did it. We won, pete- we won. Please Peter” then when peter’s in a coma he listens to a voicemail left by him before he left for the field trip (saved on insta) at some point peter says “i just wanted to be like you”

3. V slow (almost) major character death- three quick gunshots and a thump- peter worrying about tony’s head wound.

4. peter and harley falling in love (3k words) in tumblr drafts for harley

5. tony breaking down in the middle of a fight

6. Stony soulmate au- sharing scars.

7. “I didn’t think you cared about me”

8. Peter dragged underwater

9. Steve reading bucky’s journal in civil war

10. peter tries to help tony in siberia but gets hypothermia way more than tony does. after like a week steve comes back and tony screams at him cause peters in a coma, maybe steve finds him in the medbay

11. Parkner last words soulmate au

12. peter gets infected with anthrax

13.steve and peter kidnapped thing- peter bring scared of tony cause they used his tech against him

14. parkner hanahaki but with recovery and peter coughing up the rest of the flowers= whump. basically peter loves harley, passes out cause he can’t breathe and nearly dies, tells harley, and has to spend a week throwing up the rest of the flowers and being so tired he can’t stand

15. tony faking his death and peter and steve getting mad when they find out he’s alive

16. rhodey tony falling in love+ going to warrrr

17. okay so tony maybe almost dying and peter crying about it? 

18. peter gets kidnapped after an argument saying “i know- i know you’re mad but- p-please Mr stark- please help m-me, i’m sorry” cause he thinks tonys mad at him.

19. steve helping peter with harassers- drafts

20. tony whump being kidnapped and refusing to give info on spiderman and peter saves him with rhodey and gets shot but because of adrenaline they don’t realise until they’re outside and peter collapses

21. the scene where he gets shot from enola holmes but it’s irondad- peter has a bulletproof vest on and gets shot by a shotgun and tony thinks he’s dead cause he’s oncounscious from being thrown into a wall

22. okay so what about a situation where tony and peter are at a press event and peter gets shot. just imagine what tony would be saying as he catches him and slowly lowers him to the floor.“it’s okay, i gotcha. holy shit- you’re gunna be okay, kid. come on, eyes on me-“ keeping on talking until the medics get there, still not leaving the kids limp form. Peters eyes never leave him, glazed over but never closing.Of course, when he wakes up later, Tony will be a little teary eyed sat by his bed, probably making a joke about “god kid, you’re not supposed to outlive your old man” Peter not wanting to be alone when he dies

23. tony and peter on a mission and tony goes to find peter cause he’s not responding and he’s unconscious cause of poison- tetrodotoxin B

24. Peter put in a cage thing with bucky when hes triggered into being the winter soldier and being on comms with steve and the others.

25. 5 times tony and peter thought they lost each other and the one time they nearly did.

26. Degloving

27. parkner voicemail with peter almost dying, end is him coming home. season 2 ep 3 of 911

28. soulmates rhodyetony can feel each other’s pain. rhodey knowing tony’s alive in im1

29. parkner enemies to lovers only one bed nightmare

30. character study of the mcu, ned, sam, wanda, mj, bucky, 

31. harley thinking peter is dead, dealing with grief after a kidnapping 

32. Prompt 885: Stephen and Tony were together before Afghanistan. They hit a rough patch when Stephen has his accident and the Accords are proposed. The stress causes a huge fight where Tony tells Stephen to get out and never contact him again. Stephen is crushed and leaves for Kathmandu the next day, leaving only a voicemail saying goodbye and asking Tony to not blame himself. The general consensus is he committed suicide. CA:CW and DS happen, and Tony runs into a changed Stephen in Greenwich Village.

33. basically incredibles- steve’s taken by hydra and peter and tony are in a plane when hydra attacks them, tony’s telling them to abort and steve slowly realises he could lose his family, then it blows up and tony calls a suit to peter. peters got broken ribs and bruises because of moving around and tony sends out a signal to the team

34. peter nearly dies on a mission, tony’s yelling at him and he breaks down crying when he realises what could’ve happened

35. peter nearly gets kidnapped/ sold and he’s really shaken up about it he won’t leave harley or tony

36. peter and tony are kidnapped, peters conditioned and at one point the kidnapper gives him a truth serum and asks intimate questions/ he’s not conditioned and it’s either ask the questions or take the punishment- 

37. bucky getting back from hydra and coping? steve feeling sad, finding out bucky can feel his arm and tried to rip it out, tony helping? the scene in the woods with the trigger words and steve being there really sad and shit- also thinking pierce was steve

38. peter flinching during an argument

39. bucky having to pretend to be winter again in a mission

40. Peter telling tony about skip

41. ya know the hypothetical about hydra training bucky to give people guns incase they need to ‘execute’ the soldier, and him giving steve a guy.

42. peter being trapped in the soul stone when he gets snapped, him being the only one there because of his mutation or something (his soul was too strong to be broken for the time so it had to be contained) plus dissociation when he gets back

43. peter and bucky kidnapped together, tony and steve both worried as hell and having to work together and bond to get them back

44. soulmate mind talking- peter getting into trouble/kidnapping? make collection for soulmates

45. peter and tony are running from kidnappers, peter gets caught in a bear trap. maybe include steve.

[pinchan]

tell us more abt the upper moons as culling game participants

u have unlocked the 2am ramble machine. welcome.

for starters everything else is the same like in jjk, with kenny and their masterplan and whatnot, just with the upper moons slipped in. they don't know one another maybe up until the culling game, and they even came from different eras!

(read more bc goodness this is long)

hakuji is a modern sorcerer who was already born with a cursed technique. his technique is compass, which helps him pinpoint a specific area of the body; not only the weakest spot, but also the toughest ones, spots that hurt the most, have gained most damage, etc etc. its like a gps that he can decide where he wants to go and his CT will show it to him. he regularly uses this to aid himself in his job as a nurse, and just in daily life.

he's living a pretty peaceful life with koyuki, until she's cursed and keizo is killed. by the time the game started he gets separated from koyuki, the combination of the constant anxiety over her and the grief of losing keizo causes him to waver and turned to the culling game for as a desperate mean to escape the pain. he has 67 points.

THANK YOU CHAPTER 173 FOR CONFIRMING CURSED SPIRITS COULD JOIN THE GAME anyways douma my friend from curses.

douma was a child who couldn't even see curses, but the way people kept pouring their despair and pain at him day and day eventually led to him being turned into one after death. due to his obsession with salvation even as a cursed spirit he doesn't cause unease, but rather an unsettling sense of comfort. followers who can see him spread the words on how he's still trying to save them even after death, so the cycle continues. people feed him their pain, he gets stronger, he saves people, they feed him more of their pain, and so on so forth. this cycle that's been going on since the edo period when he was born until the modern era causes him to grow to be a powerful special grade, complete with sentience and intelligence.

his cursed technique is bliss, which is a technique that numbs pain, physical and otherwise. with his immense power he could even make it so that the affected believed they were in paradise, to the point of neglecting basic self care like eating or drinking, and eventually dying a slow death. pain is how u can break out of bliss. likewise, instead of eating his followers, he holds a ceremony every few months to trap them in his domain expansion that further amplifies his technique effect, blissfully ignorant until their deaths.

douma joined the game because it seems fun!!! he's not a very confrontational player, mostly there to watch chaos unfolds. he has 44 points, half came from other players who attacked him first, and the other half came from him offering salvation to desperate, dying players.

kenny wanted to bring back the heian golden age but ive been wondering if he would collect violent sorcerers from other era as well. im going with the assumption that they did.

kokushibo is an ancient sorcerer from sengoku, although he's not one to use his cursed technique much, just raw strength, control over his CE, and his swordsmanship that's been honed for years on end. his ability to use simple domains effectively is almost like no other, able to utilize it both offensively and defensively, to the point that he's a dangerous opponent even without his CT.

when he still had his CT he never used it much offensively either. it was body temperature manipulation, which could easily kill someone with a touch, but koku has always preferred his sword over that. the most often he used his CT was in his childhood, where he would warm up yoriichi when winter came and his brother's clothes were too thin for the weather. but years later, yoriichi took the CT with him after kokushibo killed him in his blind pursue for power.

in the culling game he was found by muzan and they've been stuck together since. muzan being the one who keeps telling koku that he did the right thing, that hierarchy of power is the only thing that matters etc etc yknow the heian sorcerer's lack of value for life. besides there's a new world in front of them now. so many things to discover and people to kill, there's no use in sulking over the past.

they don't really keep track of which point belongs to who, but they've accumulated over a hundred together.

[neufdoigts]

I JUST FINISHED THE WISDOM OF CROWDS AND I HAVE SOME RANTING TO DO????

-holy FUCK where do I begin

-im so used to Abercrombie not killing off main characters that up until the moment orso died I was 100% sure he wouldn't die oh my god ORSO

-i knew glokta was the weaver I knew it I knew it I knew it

-hildi I love you so much I can't believe you're on bayaz's side now but I'm so excited for you too

-clovers new student is ummmm.... Logen without the fun jokes I'm terrified

-i spent the entire series being like oh god I'm so sure Zuri is an eater because glokta introduced her to savine but that's literally midderland racism I can't think that and then Abercrombie Abercrombied me

-tallow!?! All my fave sidekicks,,, hildi, tallow, jurand.. they all get good endings I guess but.. not the beck-type endings I wanted for them 🥺

-the ruthlessness and brutality of Leo and savines marriage literally had my heard racing for the last 20% of the book

-the amount of character development Leo goes through in this book is 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

-i started this series liking Rikke, being slightly annoyed by Leo because he was just less funny jezel but i was interested in his storyline, and kinda loving orso, and really hating savine because child labour (and I guess clover and broad and vick were there)

-and I ended it loving Rikke, being so so so frustrated for Leo and by Leo, crying over orso's corpse, and wanting to punch savine being she's so smart and scary and urghrgrhrvh she literally says she's the villain but im still like please don't be the villain and I've never felt so conflicted over a character

-like in the past it's been like ya know, glokta, pretty brutal guy, logen, maybe hes murdered more people than winter, but I was basically on their side because I read from their povs

-but the way I just go from wanting someone to stab savine to wanting savine see her goals through chapter by chapter is literally crazy. Like she frustrates me so much, I hate her, I want her to win, I think she's totally reprehensible, I think she's redeemable, I think she's irredeemable, I think she's already been redeemed

-like I probably like Leo's arc the best out of everyone but Abercrombie has never made me conflicted over a character like savine, she sparks so many feelings in me, literally shaking

-rikke has come out of this entire series on my good side tho like,, she had me raising eyebrows when she fired isern but then she double girlbossed me

-even betraying orso I somehow can forgive her for

-fucking tunny getting out of this again.. that man is a slippy dippy

-i really hate broads ending! And savine is just here. Making my blood boil.

-i can picture in a future trilogy tho where hildi and may have a duel of ledgers... Amazing...

-i hope in the next trilogy old man clover backstabs bayaz one more time that goddamn bald wizard 🗡

-remember that old dude broad saw in a pub in a lil hatred with a lot of scars and a piece of his ear missing... I held out hope for so long that logen would show up one last time. I have no idea what he would do but I still hoped 😭

-GORST DYING GLORIOUSLY WAS DEEPLY SATISFYING BUT LEO REALLY ANNOYED ME BY NOT APPRECIATING THAT THE BRAT

-I can't bear to see Rikke lose the north in the next trilogy I just can't

-(also somehow I feel really bad for calder)

-i know I got my one happy couple in temple and shy but would it kill Abercrombie to give me.. maybe just one more.. sighs

-(also great job temple what a king get that coin)

-this trilogy is about parallels the old trilogy was about cycles what does that mean I don't know

-VICK BREAKING THE CYCLE BY JUST FUCKING OFF YES!! GOOD FOR HER! pleasedontgotostyria

-so do people know that glokta is back or?? Is he just gonna sit in a room for the rest of his life plotting and pulling strings? When is he gonna write that fencing manual? 🥺

-when he "retired" I was low-key hoping that he really was gonna write a fencing manual and two trilogies down the line people would be reading about various sword stances and someone would be like "you know back when I was a wee lad he was arch lector!" And then the pov character will be like idc

-when we were introduced to Rikke I thought like hearing a prophecy and believing it to be true and therefore bringing the prophecy into reality would be a theme of this series but I was very wrong her prophecies just seem to be straight up right ig...?

-its crazy bold for Abercrombie to not write a single pov character I was both interested in and wanted to root for (except mayyyybeeee Rikke)

-ive ignored all my responsibilities for the last 2 weeks reading ohmygodwhathaveidone

-10/10 I need to punch a wall