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dragons-and-dwarves-are-nice · 5 months

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The Grim Reaper's Guide to Breaking Every Rule of the Universe /// Chapter 3

Ok so I decided to cut down the next chapter so I could get something out before I take a small break, but the next one is over hlaf-way done so it'll be out soon. Enjoy!

Summary: When touring America for the sake of it, you go to stay with your aunt in New Orleans for a while, taking up a peaceful part-time job restoring objects. But a few weeks in, a package arrives containing an old radio that's seen better days, along with a note seemingly written by someone who thinks they could fist-fight the Devil.

What you didn't know, was the hell of a path that was now set out in front of you. Not fist-fighting the Devil, but instead a very smug radio host who would have no problem spending the rest of his days driving you up the walls.

But two could play that game.

Tags: Demiromantic-Asexual Alastor x Demiromantic-Asexual OC/Reader - 1920s/30s New Orleans - fluff - angst - EXTREME slow burn - crack - Violence (It's Alastor what else)

Word Count: 5942

Warnings: Period-typical sexism, Period-typical attitudes towards neurodivergency, Swearing, Mentions of murder. MC'S RACE IS DEFINED DUE TO PLOT REASONS (also because she is based off my OC)

Taglist - comment or message to be added!

Now available on Wattpad and AO3 (please let me know if links aren't working)

< Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 >

PART 1: Chapter 3

I'd rather be unemployed.

Fimble-Famble (Definition): A really lame excuse for not wanting to do something. (Noun)

New Orleans, Louisiana, USA – Monday, 9th December, 1929.

“And he told me that we needed the money so I had to take it!” you cried as you slumped in the armchair.

Agnes gave you a look over the top of her glasses, the book she was reading now long forgotten since you stormed in that evening practically red in the face as you ranted to her about the whole radio fiasco. Knowing your tirade wasn’t over, she placed a bookmark between the pages and snapped the book shut, reaching over the arm to place it on the side table with a sigh.

“Well he is your boss.” She explained calmly, and you slumped down further, edging your sock-clad feet towards the fire. “If he believes you can do it, then I don’t see any reason as to why you can’t. Besides,” she gestured to the bag of books by your feet. “Those books he gave you are about radios for beginners – having that knowledge could open up further job opportunities for you.”

All you did was stare at the bag with a frown, before you kicked it over with a whiny grunt. Agnes sighed again.

“You’re going to get rude customers wherever you go, so when you’re the one representing the business, you be the better person and take the challenge calmly.” She pressed, peering over at you with a stern expression.

Silence.

She squinted slightly. “You.. did take it calmly, didn’t you?”

When you continued to narrow your eyes at the ground, she sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Christ, no wonder the twins grew up to be as crazy as they are.” She muttered. “Look, if Mr LeBlanc has asked you to take on this repair, and allowed you to take the pay for the extra labour hours, then I see no reason for you to refuse this man’s request – at least, not without cause.”

You sat up straight, prodding the cushioned arm with your finger. “Oh, I have cause. It is because I hate him!” You exclaimed.

Your aunt tilted her head, regarding you with a tired look. “My lovely, you’ve only had one conversation with him over the phone.”

You pouted, crossing your arms. “Two, if you count the letters.” You growled. “Besides, I think Ralph only told me to take the job ‘cause he knew the guy.” Agnes raised a brow. “I said it was a Mr A. Boudreaux, and he almost choked to death from coughing his lungs out. I told him he was rude to me but he just kept saying that I had to.”

“Did he say please?” she asked, a small knowing smile on her face.

“…Yes.”

“There you go.” Agnes concluded, reaching over to give your knee a few rough but assuring pats. “I don’t know who this Mr Boudreaux is, but if Ralph wants it done, then you can at least try. Besides, I’m off work until next Monday, so I’ll be home for a whole week to give you a hand if you need one – I know how those equations and diagrams make your head go all fuzzy.”

You sighed dejectedly, then gave your aunt a small smile. “Thank you. If anything, I’m doing it for this guy’s mum, not him.”

“Awww, at least he’s sweet to his mother.” She smiled, before turning towards the door and raising her voice slightly. “I do hope I get that treatment when I’m older!”

All she got was a loud farting noise echoing through from the other room.

New Orleans, Louisiana, USA – Friday, 13th December, 1929.

The patio double doors hung wide open as you laid your head on the kitchen table, staring at the technicolour marbling of the setting sun. Tools, wires and random pieces of springs laid scattered on the wooden surface around you, along with several books opened to pages of diagrams you had spent the last week trying to understand but to no avail. You had sent a letter on the Tuesday, informing Mr Boudreaux that your boss had decided that the radio would be taken on.

You refused to call him again, lest you face the humiliation of that faceless smug bastard as he found out that your boss had sent you back with your tail between your legs to tell him that you were in the wrong – something you adamantly avoided stating in your letter, instead half-hinting that Ralph had miraculously recovered overnight (he hadn’t), and took the project on personally (he didn’t do that either).

It also seemed that the good luck spell you and your aunt had performed that Monday evening worked - after you had collapsed on your imaginary chaise-longue and wailed to her about the dilemmas of the day, she had dragged you to her room, going on about how you hadn’t been keeping up with your practice for the last seven months. She made you bring your grimoire from your room, and you both spent around an hour resetting and cleansing energies, also setting up a small bowl of different herbs and trinkets that symbolised good luck, making you put it on your bedside table along with a new incense burner she had bought you. Honestly, if your aunt wasn’t around, you probably would’ve spontaneously combusted by Wednesday.

Agnes had also sat with you every evening, reading through the radio books, and slowly helping you work things out when the words started to blend together and you found yourself trying to read a paragraph as much as you could, but to no avail.

It was times like this when you wish you were back home, when everything was normal. When people weren’t giving lingering looks to your aunt as she traipsed about the village like every other innocent woman. When your uncle was telling you about his family and his way of living in Japan to his sons, and to you whenever you had the time to stop by. When you were treated as a well-respected, intelligent woman, who was freshly graduated from university at the top of her class. Not whatever those men had said to you when they came to your door after the local doctor had practically snitched on you. If only that dinner hadn’t happened. If only your aunt’s maid hadn’t gone snooping where she shouldn’t. Within a year everyone had been torn from each other.

But there wasn’t much time for mourning. You had less than two weeks to get this radio looking like it did when it was fresh off the shelf, otherwise you risk disappointing your boss for the first time ever, which would have you unconsciously doubting yourself for the rest of eternity.

Your head still on the table, you pinched a spring coil between your fingers, holding it up against the orange-purple sky as you glared at its silhouette. Rustling came from beside you as your aunt flipped the pages of the books, eyes flitting between them and the notes she was taking in her notebook.

You felt her glance at you a couple times, until there was a sound as she shifted, then silence. Feeling a finger tap your shoulder lightly, you slowly sat up to face her. She was facing you, an uneasy look in her eye as she took her time coming up with what to say.

“So..” she began hesitantly. “I understand your busy right now working full time at the shop, but since we got the news yesterday that Ralph was getting better, I was going to ask you,” she waved her hand about in thought. “If you’re going back to working only two days, would you consider looking for another job?”

You sat up straight, confusion clouding your face. “You want me to quit on Mr LeBlanc?”

“NO, no no!” she cried, waving her hands to dismiss the obvious miscommunication as she laughed nervously. “I meant look for a second job? I felt awful even thinking about asking you, but with the free time you’ll have, I just think it would make surviving this crash easier if we both had a steady wage coming in? I mean, as steady a wage that two women during this time an get.” She looked at her hands as she twisted them, hesitance and guilt written all over her face. “I want the boys to have a completed education, and it’ll crush me if I force myself to take that away from them.” She turned to you, trying her best to hide the tears threatening to build up. “I know you’re only here temporarily, and I’m not going to make you do anything you’re not comfortable doing, but –” she took a shaky breath. “as humiliating as it is, I need your help.”

Moments passed as you stared at the woman before you. The woman who used to be so full of life and love when she was surrounded by family – who loved the village she grew up in and the city she moved to – who loved the husband she fought tooth and nail to marry – now sat in a house in an unknown city she never asked to be in, a country she never asked to move to. Torn from her sister to an unknown place on the other side of the planet. All because her stupid maid couldn’t keep her stupid mouth shut.

Reaching your arm out, you grasped her hand with your own, waiting until she looked up at you, dark eyebags you never thought you’d see underlining her eyes like a curse. You knew she wasn’t sleeping enough.

“I’ll start looking tomorrow.” You stated quietly but firmly, squeezing her hand affirmingly.

Her eyes glistened as they widened, regarding you with a desperate hope, until she let out a loud sniffle and dropped her head onto your shoulder, trying her best to conceal her own shoulders as they jerked up and down slightly with her light sobs. Resting your head on top of hers, you both sat there in silence as you listened to the clock tick along with your aunt’s quiet sniffs as she attempted to calm herself.

“There’s an assistant’s job going down near the French Quarter.” She muttered. “I know the guy who runs the place and he said he would be happy to interview you?”

You perked up at her suggestion. “Ok, what kind of company is it?” Your aunt remained silent for a moment. “Agnes?”

“It’s a, uhhh… radio station.”

Jerking your head off hers, she quickly sat up as you gave her a deadpan expression.

“C’mon,” she pushed with a watery giggle. “I said you we’re learning how radios work for a repair, and he seemed excited that you would have some knowledge before you applied.”

“Unwanted knowledge.” You pressed. “He’s gonna have to offer a decent salary if he wants me to be within a ten mile radius of a radio ever again.”

Your aunt gave a throaty laugh in response. “Oh, don’t worry, I made sure of that before asking you. I can give him a call if you’re willing to interview?”

Making sure to let out a very long and tired sigh, you looked at you aunt’s pleading face, before slowly nodding. Letting out a cry of relief, she clapped her hands, then grabbed your face as she squished your cheeks, moving your head from side to side as she let out a string of ‘thank yous!’.

Eventually after her tirade of affection, she got up, flipping her twin plaits over her shoulders as she approached the sink, rinsing both of your mugs to make the fifth cup of tea that evening. You went to reach across the table for a book when your ears perked up at the sound of a small ‘psst’ from your right side.

Glancing over, your eyes landed on the archway that led into the hallway, and you were able to see all the way down to the front door from where you were sat, though half of your view was blocked by the underside of the stairs. Peering down the long hall, you leant back in your seat until a dark mop of hair peeked around the staircase banister.

Quickly flicking your eyes to Agnes, you made sure she was still facing the sink when you turned back to make eye contact with Ollie, who was precariously perched on the bottom step as he manoeuvred his upper body to curve around the wooden post to face you. Another mop of lighter hair joined him, as Allie stuck his head between the ceiling and the railing from where he was further up the stairs. Reaching one arm round and the other through the banister posts, Ollie began waving and pointing his fingers about, signing the most ridiculous gestures as he tried to convey a message.

‘What??’ you mouthed silently, frowning as you shook your head slightly in confusion.

At this, your cousin tried again, jabbing his fingers about a bit harder as he repeated the message.

You stared, eyes darting to the side then back again, and you simply shrugged. At this point Allie had thrown a dirty sock at his brother, and you barely heard him hiss at Ollie to make it simpler.

Rolling his eyes, Ollie shifted until he was fully facing you. With frustrated, wide eyes, he pointed at you. You nodded. Then pointed upstairs. You nodded again. Then jabbed his thumbs at his chest as he mouthed ‘my room’, then held his hand up with all of his fingers splayed out, ‘five minutes’ he said silently. Nodding once more, you watched as your cousin froze at the clatter of mugs as your aunt moved about, before quickly darting back round the banister, crawling on all fours as he soundlessly disappeared back up the staircase like some shadow creature along with his brother.

Sighing with a roll of your eyes, you returned back to the mess in front of you, thanking your aunt as she placed a fresh steaming mug of tea down. Picking it up, you bathed in the hot vapours rising from it before sticking your tongue out slightly to test the temperature. Quiet slurping sounded from beside you as your aunt returned to her seat, sipping from her own mug. Glancing at you, she placed it down to pick up a book.

“So,” she said as she casually turned a page. “What did the boys want?”

You took a large sip.

“No idea.”

Five minutes later, you took it as a well-earned break, trudging upstairs to see what the twins wanted to yap at you about.

“What’re you two up to now?” You sighed as you pushed open the door that had the sign saying ‘Ollie’s Room’ nailed to it. You looked up, only to stop in your tracks as your eyes landed on the two hunched over a very large corkboard, though, the cork was hardly visible with all the random pieces of paper, newspaper clippings and string pinned to it.

“Whaaaat is that?” You said slowly, brows furrowing as you stared at the board with wide eyes.

Ollie practically crawled his way over to the door, hands on the floor as he lifted a leg like a dog taking a piss, to kick it closed before scurrying back to his twin’s side, who was busy looping glittery wool string around another pin.

“A corkboard.” Allie simply said, not even bothering to look your way.

“I can see that.” You deadpanned, making your way over. “I’m asking what is on it. And specifically HOW you got pictures of dead bodies.” You pointed out, stepping closer to see the black and white photographs of body parts and corpses that you knew definitely shouldn’t be in the hands of your underage cousins. (Though they were 17 now, and clearly the closer they got to adulthood, the more excuses they had to do crap they weren’t allowed to.)

Allie snipped the end of the string, his voice lowering as he regarded you with a dark look. “If we told you, we’d have to kill you.”

“Not if I kill you first.” You hissed, raising a leg to kick him. “Explain.”

“Okayyyyy fine!” he whined, shuffling out of the way to avoid your attack with a pout. “The son of the Sheriff is in our class, and we pay him to enlarge photos from the crime scenes that are suspected to be the Bayou Butcher.”

Your mouth flung open. “You WHAT?!?!” You yelled.

Ollie swiftly raised his hand to cover your mouth. “Shush, if mum hears you, we’re all dead!”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Reaching your hand up, you slapped his away. “We’re all dead regardless!!” You hissed. “Has the thought crossed either of your microscopic brains that what you’ve done is, like – I don’t know – super illegal??”

“It’s fine.” Allie shrugged. “If we guess that someone is onto us, we burn the evidence.”

Your looked between the two of them with wide eyes. “What if mum finds it when you’re both at school? What then??”

Allie sighed. “She won’t find it. Promise.” He stretched his arm up to the top of the board, flipping it over to show another side with random drawings and knick-knacks pinned to it. “We just flip it over and stick it in the wardrobe.”

“What, and pray she doesn’t get the urge to do her usual chores and find it as she’s hanging up your washing??” You contradicted.

“Yea pretty much.” Ollie replied.

You glanced between them worriedly, shaking your head. “You two are treading on thin ice here.”

“Yea yea but we didn’t bring you here to moan about everything.” Interrupted Ollie. “What we were trying to say before you rudely changed the subject was that this was our theory board.”

“Your illegal theory board.” You poked, crossing your arms.

Allie simply frowned up at you from where he was knelt on the floor, and you sighed.

“Fine. I’m guessing it’s about the Bayou Butcher?” You asked, before scrunching your face. “Why am I even asking? Of course it is.”

“Yep.” Ollie replied, his demeanour now more excitable. “Every grisly murder that matches his M.O. – well – our idea of his M.O. Along with every newspaper article about him, and maps of places the bodies have been found.” He explained, pointing each thing out. “We’re currently trying to figure out a potential pattern, but to no avail at this point.” He turned to you with a determined look in his eye – something you should be seeing on an actual detective, NOT your dingbat of a cousin. “But we will. At some point.”

You nodded slowly, absorbing the information. “Ok, so, why am I here?”

They both looked at each other, before facing back to you.

“To help us.”

“Absolutely not.”

Allie pouted. “Aww c’mon! We thought you liked this sort of stuff?” he whined, gesturing at you.

“Yea, from an outsider’s perspective! Not when there’s a potential for the police to come after me! Hell, this Butcher guy could find out you’re onto him and come after you himself!”

They rolled their eyes. “Ok, mum. No need to get your knickers in a twist.” Jived Allie. “We can guarantee you, no-one’s gonna find out.”

You raised an eyebrow. “How, then?”

“By not being stupid?” Ollie said as if it was the most obvious thing.

You sighed, thinking to yourself for a moment. “…Fine.” You held a finger up when their faces brightened. “But if anything gets dangerous, I’m burning it all myself.”

They both nodded excitedly, beckoning you over as they began to explain everything.

You knew at some point they would both be the death of you.

New Orleans, Louisiana, USA – Monday, 16th December, 1929.

The sun was still yet to melt the snow when you walked into town with your aunt that morning, arms linked as to not slip on the compacted ice as you both tried to step onto the trams that were miraculously still running. Your arms remained linked as both made your way to a wide, busy street just off the outskirts of the French Quarter, about a twenty minute walk from where the antique shop was.

Mr LeBlanc has graciously given you the day off, as a thank you for running the shop. His cough had receded, and was determined to return to work. Though his wife insisted on joining him in the shop for a couple days to keep an eye on his health, despite his grumbling.

“I can assure you Mr Durham is lovely.” Agnes said with unwavering confidence as she patted your arm with a knitted glove. “The interview should be over in fifteen minutes or so – you’ll be in-and-out before you even realise it, so there’s no need to worry.”

You gave her a shaky smile. “Hopefully. Though I haven’t been in any interviews to know if it’ll go well.”

“It will.” She stated firmly. “Now, do you remember what we went over when answering interview questions?” You nodded, and she slowed you both to a stop. “Brilliant. We’re here.” She gestured up to a relatively tall building, the brickwork looming over you as the wall above the doors displayed the words ‘W.A.D RADIO’ in bright, white paint.

Peering up at the five-storey building, you felt nerves creep up your spine as you began to sweat slightly.

“Oi, look at me.” Muttered Agnes, reaching out to gently take your shoulders as she turned you to her. “No matter what happens in there, it’s not the end of the world, I can promise you that.” She assured. Glancing her eyes across your face, she reached up to straighten the simple blue cloche hat she had let you borrow. “There should be a receptionist at the front desk, just go in and tell her your name and that you’re here for an interview with Mr Durham, ok? I’ll be waiting out here for you.”

The air in your throat stuttered as you took a deep breath, your nervousness a stark contrast to the anger-fuelled confidence you had when answering that phoner. Nodding silently, you returned your Aunt’s smile before stepping away and pushing the door open, hoping the ‘Good Luck!’ she had whispered to you would give some assist.

You could sense the receptionist staring at you as you sat staring blankly at the tiles on the floor ahead. Picking the non-existent dirt from under your nails, you felt the sickening nerves in your stomach ease slightly when you had sat on the worn, leather-clad bench, the conversation with the woman at the desk having gone as smoothly as you could make it, luckily without your mind going blank or stuttering on any words.

“Where did’ya say you were from again?” You heard, and you raised your head to see the receptionist leaning on her elbows on the desk, chewing on a pencil as she looked you up and down. “You’re English, but’cha don’t sound quite like those gents on the radio?” she questioned, her slightly nasally voice cutting through the air as she bore you down with her gaze.

You blinked. “…I’m from the North-East.”

She furrowed her brows, the wood of the pencil clacking on her teeth. “North-East a’what?”

“Of England? You know there’s over forty different accents used in the UK, right?.” You explained.

She looked you up and down once again. “Huh.” Was all she said, before she shrugged her shoulders, turning back to the paperwork she was pointedly ignoring, and you returned to fiddling with your hands, now choosing to pick at any loose lint on the hat laid on your lap.

About five minutes later, the sound of shoes clicking against tile tapped against your ears, and you looked up to see a man donned in business attire round the corner. He was rather tall and large, but in a soft muscular kind of way. His murky brown waves fell loosely over his forehead, peppered with streaks of grey along with his thick beard, and he still retained the tan from the summer, but his pale shade of skin was starting to show through again, softening the piercing blue of his eyes.

Speaking of eyes, it didn’t take him a second to scan the room before they landed on you, the cerulean if his iris’ turning an almost baby blue under the lights as they brightened at the sight of you.

“Ah! There you are!” He exclaimed, arms spreading wide to welcome you. “I was wondering when your aunt would drop you off!” His white teeth glistened as he gave a handsome, warm smile. Approaching where you sat, you quickly stood to take his large, outstretched hand, the warmth from him enveloping your snow-frozen skin. “I’m Mr Durham, co-owner of Watson & Durham Radio.”

You could see why your aunt let him take her out for dinner.

“– and you’ll be here Wednesday to Friday, from what your aunt said on the phone.” Mr Durham rambled on. You had been interviewed in his office on the third floor, but he had insisted on taking you on a tour around the expansive building. At first, he showed you your potential desk, positioned just outside his office, facing the rows of other desks that spanned the large room ahead.

Now you were taking the stairs to the fifth floor – ‘where the magic happened’ – according to the spritely man.

“These are the radio booths – each host gets their own.” Mr Durham explained, gesturing down the wide corridor.

Strangely, his pace seemed to quicken as he led you past the windows, but you tried your best to peer into each one. Some were dark, as no-one was in. Others were presenting, the ‘ON AIR’ sign above their door glowing bright, the rest were either chatting amongst each other, or alone in their booths, scribbling down in notebooks or on sheets of paper.

“– David, Jeff, Al, Brian, and Ol’ Timmy are all here – ‘cept the rest who have the day off.” Mr Durham listed off, pointing out each man as he rushed you by. “Though-” he lowered his voice a little. “- if you take the job, it’s best we keep you on the third floor.” You furrowed your brows at his odd comment, to which he spotted, quickly giving an explanation. “The boys can be a bit of a distraction you see. Being on the radio means you have to be charismatic, and I want you to settle in comfortably before I introduce you. A few can be quite… nosey. And overwhelming – some more than others.” He muttered, glancing into one of the booths near the end, and you looked over to see the back of a man’s head, his hair styled neatly from what you could see, and you watched as he gently tapped his foot to whatever was playing through his headset whilst he jotted away in the notebook on his desk.

As Mr Durham’s large shadow cast across him, he began to turn his head, and you managed to catch a glimpse of a pair of thin glasses before you walked out of sight of the window.

Thinking nothing of it, you followed the boss round the corner at the end of the hallway, and he continued to tour you around the building, pointing out the odd thing or person here and there.

The chill of the winter air hit your face once again as you pushed the front door open, and you scanned the street for your aunt. Glancing to the spot where she left you, a frown crossed your face as you found it empty, but barely a moment passed until your name was called out, and you looked up across the street to see your aunt stood outside the door of a café, waving for you to come over.

Cursing out America for having their jaywalking laws, you quickly searched for a crossing, speed-walking as fast as you could over the road despite the slippery snow as you jogged up to your aunt.

“So? How did it go?” she breathed excitedly as she led you inside to a small table, where there was already a steaming cup of tea waiting for you.

Grasping the warm beverage in your hands, you relayed the events of the last half hour to the woman bouncing in her seat across from you.

“Ok, but, were you happy with what you saw?” Agnes asked once you had finished.

You nodded. “Yea, pretty much.” You answered. “That Durham guy was already talking about me settling in before he offered me the job.”

Her back straightened. “He did?? Did you accept?” She gasped.

Looking at her over the top of your cup, you felt a smile grow on your face. “Mhm, I start Wednesday.”

Your aunt threw her hands in the air. “Oh thank god!” Her eyes darted about in frantic thought. “Oh! We’ve got to go shopping for some proper work clothes for you! Mr Durham is quite flexible with workwear but we’ll still go.” She rambled, pulling a piece of paper and a pen out her purse to start jotting things down, mumbling under her breath. “There’s a shop down the main street, and you’ll be needing some smarter trousers –”

“Speaking of Mr Durham,” you interrupted with a small smirk, watching Agnes accidentally jerk her pen across the paper as her wide eyes looked up at you. “He seems oddly fond of you. He asked me how the twins were getting on at school before he asked for anything about me.”

She froze, and you raised a brow.

“It’s also not like you to let some guy take you out. For dinner.” You added.

She glanced away, then back at you, slowly placing her pen down as she chewed the inside of her cheek.

“It’s not like that –”

“Sure it’s not.”

She sighed your name in exasperation. “We’re both regulars at this café, and we met back in January and have been friends since. Happy?” She explained rather curtly.

You narrowed your eyes at her. “Do the twins know about him? You know how protective they are over you since their dad passed.” You questioned gently.

Agnes closed her eyes, raising her hand to rub at her forehead. “They know, but they haven’t met him yet. Even if it does end up being ‘like that’, it’s been almost a decade since we lost Hiro, and it gets hard trying to raise two very energetic boys and keep a steady roof over their heads.” She stared into her drink with a faraway look as she recalled her late husband. “This world wasn’t built for women to be alone, and as infuriating as that sounds, I’ve been backed into a corner so many times that I only see someone like him as my one ticket out.”

Silence stretched between the two of you, as you let the words your aunt spoke about your uncle sink in. She hardly ever spoke of Hiro, so mentioning him now meant how serious she was.

“Alright.” You said softly, and her head raised to look at you. “I know I have no place telling who you can and can’t talk to, but please make sure both the twins and you are happy and safe. The last thing I want is a repeat of these last two years.”

A dark shadow crossed her face. “Oh believe me, it won’t.” she assured in a low tone. “If I knew the police weren’t going to show, I would have strangled Beatrice before she stepped a foot out the house.”

Nodding, you sighed, finally relaxing back in your seat as a natural silence fell over the two of you. Bringing the tea to your lips, you bathed in the fumes, watching passersby as they fought against the onslaught of the oncoming blizzard, and pondered about the possibilities of your first day at the radio company that sat on the opposite side of the street. Eyes unfocused, you stared blankly at the double doors that led into the towering brick building, thinking about when spring would come round and you could start to wear your summer dresses, but you focused back in when the double doors opened, and you watched as a man stepped out.

You couldn’t see his face, as it was lowered against the wind, but you recognised the mop of neatly styled, dark, brown hair that you had spotted earlier, but that was quickly hidden by the fedora he placed on his head, and your eyes caught the light of his round glasses, as they glinted in the dying light of the cloud-smothered sun, before he turned his shiny heel and strode down the street, seemingly not at all worried about slipping on patches of icy, packed snow.

What caught your eye the most, though, was how insanely tall this man was, and you figured – even at your tall height – that the top of your head would barely reach his nose, even on your tiptoes.

(Though, there was always the option to jump up and collide your forehead with his – if the need arises, of course.)

Unfortunately for you, however, this lanky ladder of a man was crossing the street.

Right towards the café.

Right towards you.

And you were basically turned in your seat to stare the demons out of this guy.

The brim of his hat began to raise, and you practically spun on the spot, the tea in your mug sloshing about, and you came face to face with your aunt, who had clearly seen the one-sided staring match you had had with the stranger.

Feeling the eyes of the man boring into the side of your temple, as you assumed he had seen you move at the speed of light to avoid looking at him, you smiled sheepishly at Agnes, who was not-so-subtly darting her eyes between the two of you.

A few seconds ticked on by at the speed of a snail, and it wasn’t until you aunt muttered a ‘He’s gone’, that you felt yourself deflate in relief, slumping in your chair as you gingerly put the mug in your hands back down on the table. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the back of the man’s trench coat as he carried on down the street out of sight, and you faced the woman in front of you.

“Sooo,” she began as she tried to hide the growing smile on her face. “Who’s that?”

“No clue.” You stated bluntly, eager to move the conversation along, lest your aunt turned into one of the women in your village, who would talk non-stop about their sons and grandsons when they found out you weren’t being courted. Or they would pester your mother about it. Either way, getting married was definitely not on your bucket list – and you wouldn’t be surprised if that lasted your whole life – you were quite satisfied with the thought of surrounding yourself with cats instead.

“Oh nuh-uh.” Agnes deadpanned, wagging a finger. “You don’t get to prod at me about men and not let me retaliate. Besides, Mr ‘No-Clue’ seemed an awfully pretty lad~”

You huffed. “Well I wouldn’t know, I’ve only clearly seen the back of his head, and according to Mr Durham,” you explained, lifting your hands to count on your fingers. “His name could be either David, Jeff, Al, Brian, or Ol’ Timmy.”

She raised a brow at you. “He looked like a David. Either way.” She smirked. “Your mum wouldn’t mind having someone like him as her son-in-law.”

You pouted. “Agnes, please.”

All your aunt did was laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gonne be uploading some art of MC soon >:))))

I hope you've enjoyed what I've given you so far, see you soon for Chapter 4!!

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littlealeta · 7 months

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Ralph Breaks the Internet Review/Rant

When I first watched this film in 2018, I thought it was fairly decent. I was glad to finally see Wreck it Ralph again after 6 years. But even then, I still found it a disappointment from the first one. I hated how they did Ralph and Vanellope and I hated that Felix and Calhoun were barely in the film. Over the years, after reflecting more on this film, I realized that I might've been a bit too nice to it. So, I rewatched it again. And... yeah, it's pretty mediocre. It's still a fun time, especially for kids, but I wouldn't recommend it if you don't want it to ruin your love for the first one. I couldn't even watch the first one for years after watching this trainwreck.

This is going to be longer than some of my previous reviews because I have a LOT to say about this film, including spoilers. But you can always scroll down to the overall section if you want to see a concise version of this review.

Story

The film starts off nice. Ralph and Vanellope just hanging out in other games and talking. But, by the time the conflict comes around, the story becomes ass. Ralph and Vanellope break Sugar Rush by fucking around with a new race track Ralph created. They go through the Internet on a rollercoaster ride (using teleportation would make more sense). Then, they end up accidentally bidding 27,000 dollars for a new part at Ebay. So, now they have to gather up 27,000 dollars in 24 hours before the part expires when they could just wait for the item to expire and then re-bid. (Seriously, this whole movie wouldn't have happened if Ralph and Vanellope hadn't been idiots).

It doesn't matter, though, because Ralph somehow gets instant internet fame by making cringy youtube (called buzztube when youtube exists in that world for some reason) jokes and being a real life person somehow (that no one questions), ok. Why do we need a movie about the Internet with two characters from a movie about video games?

There are some cool concepts with the Internet, like the little avatars walking all over the place, the spamming, and Miranda Sings getting her ass kicked off by Ralph breaking her Internet. But then, there are also a lot of unnecessary Internet references. We see Google, Amazon, Twitter (with all the birds retweeting one post, like you could've had other posts instead of just retweets), Snapchat (which is an app), and Oh My Disney, which is just 5 unnecessary minutes of Disney kissing their own ass.

I will, however, say that the parody with the Disney princesses, the I Want songs, and how Vanellope interacts with the princesses (an atypical Disney princess, so you can imagine how well they bounce off of each other) is funny. The only problem is, they're just wrapped up in this terrible story. Like, if they kept the video game concept and they had something like Disney Infinity being one of the more wholesome games Ralph would send Vanellope to and then they meet the Disney princesses in there, that would be better.

The emotional scenes are just shit. Like, I can't NOT mention the contrived comment scene, the whole theme about friendship, and Vanellope glitching when she's insecure, how the fuck, lmao? The comment scene just came off like elementary school/middle school bullying instead of how people actually talk on the Internet. It gives me flashbacks of the 2011 film Cyberbully.

And the way the conflict gets resolved is shallow too, because everything is shallow in this film. I mean, "Don't read the comments"? I mean, it's kinda right for certain situations, but sometimes comments can be useful in helping you improve and seeing how other people see your videos. Sure, you should ignore bullies, trolls, and mean comments, but you shouldn't ignore every comment.

While the letting your friend go and follow their dreams message is a well-intentioned message to send to kids, the way they did it here is actually harmful and contradictory to the first film. I don't want to get too much into the characters because I have a special character section for them, so I'm just going to talk about the theme and how it relates to the world. Vanellope LITERALLY goes turbo. She ditches her Sugar Rush friends, players, and her game. Seemingly putting her friends and game in danger, yet no one questions it. I can't believe this was made by the same people who made the first.

In the climax of the film, Ralph releases a virus to protect Vanellope from the dangers of Slaughter Race. But somehow, it ends up detecting and copying insecurities? I mean, it's a cool concept, but it doesn't make sense when that wasn't even Ralph's intention to begin with.

And like a lot of things in this film, the way they resolved that conflict is anticlimatic. Supposedly, it's a symbol of the theme of the movie which is about letting friends go, which is fine, but why does it need to be in the form of a literal antagonist? Also, I feel like this whole thing is kinda breaking the Show, Don't Tell rule.

The movie also suffers from a lack of subplots. One particular subplot involving Calhoun and Felix was teased but then gets completely thrown out the window. It isn't really an original concept, but it still feels disappointing that they fucked it over.

Characters

Established characters barely even act like themselves. They say and do a lot of stupid shit. Like that contrived joke with Tron having a glitch (no pun intended) and they assume it's already fixed, but it turns out it wasn't fixed. That could've easily been rewritten as Litwak announced it was fixed, but it turns out it wasn't.

Dialogue is pretty bad, too. There's a lot of unnecessary Internet references, laughably idiot dialogue (mostly from Ralph) and a few potty humor that aren't even funny. Oh, and this movie is weirdly fond of philosophies too.

Why would Ralph be interested in a book club?

Ralph is now an idiot loser. He spends the entire film whining and crying about how Vanellope doesn't love him and his hair, even when she's saying nothing about him, it almost comes off as sus (I don't think I can say the actual word I'm thinking of). He says stuff like this.

Bitch, you could've said, "Why are you angry at the rainbow." HOW HARD IS THAT TO REWRITE, WRITERS?!?!

If Ralph just stayed the overprotective father that didn't want Vanellope to wander into dangerous games like Slaughter Race and be around sus people, that would be fine. But no, he gets upset because he and Vanellope were inseparable for 6 fucking years. That is just problematic in more ways than one. Like, Vanellope's your only friend? FELIX IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE! WTF HAPPENED TO YOU, RALPH?!?!

As for Vanellope, I think the concept of Vanellope getting bored with her game is a good concept to explore and would've been a good catalyst for character development, but here's the thing: SHE NEVER LEARNS. At the end of the film, she gets what she wants and RALPH has to be the one to learn something. Don't get me wrong, Ralph is also in the wrong for being clingy and not wanting his friend to leave his side for 5 minutes. But Vanellope was also a selfish, insensitive b!tch for putting her own game in danger and hurting her friends and her players (by the first movie's logic).

Now, on the positive side, there are some decent characters. Spamley, Yesss, the creepy Slug, Shank, and Knowsmore. Any new character in the film is amusing to watch.

Spamley is the spam junk guy. He's shady and wants to help Ralph and Vanellope get rich by looting from video games. I feel like this character could've probably been the antagonist as I always felt like he was going to backstab Ralph and Vanellope.

Yesss is the world-weary, aloof Youtube Algorithm with a loving side if she cares about you. It's how I'd imagine an Algorithm would act like if it was a person.

Knowsmore (who weirdly enough isn't google) also acts like how I'd imagine a search engine would act like. Saying what they think the other person is typing into the search engine.

The slug (I don't know if they mention his name) is aggressively creepy. He's the guy that Ralph buys the virus from. Fitting for how I'd imagine someone with a virus would act like.

Shank is the weakest of the characters because she's the one encouraging Vanellope to go Turbo, but she does have a cool personality. She may look slightly reminiscent of Calhoun, but she's not stern and hot-headed like her. Instead, she's easy-going, charismatic, and has some badass moves. I still like Calhoun better overall.

Animation/Music/Voice Acting

You can clearly tell it's a step up from the first movie. It's more fluid and cleaner. However, one thing I would like to complain about the animation is the way that some of the 2D princesses are translated into 3D. Ariel, Cinderella, and I think that was Tiana, look unrecognizable as 3D. Especially, Pocahontas, uh.

I think the voice actors were amusing to watch and portrayed their characters decently well. Sarah Silverman, however, felt somehow off to me. Like her voice is pitched up and she didn't really have as much range as she did in the first one, but it might just be the bad script and directing. Bill Hader, I thought he was great as Flint Lockwood and Fear, but his voice is a bit off in this film. Most of the time, he uses his Flint Lockwood voice (which I don't think really fits the character) and other times, he sounds different.

There's only two songs in there, one of them only lasts a second and somehow, it sounds better than almost anything about the full-length one. A Place Called Slaughter Race is not only Vanellope being a piece of shit, but it also doesn't sound particularly catchy. The melodies change like every minute and it's not even in a good way like Bohemian Rhapsody, it just sounds weird.

Overall

Ralph Breaks the Internet is just The Emoji Movie but a bit better. It does actually offer some creative things with the Internet. But it also could've done better in its portrayal of the Internet and that includes making the world feel more natural and cutting down the amount of Internet references (and there's A LOT).

The entire film wouldn't have happened if Ralph and Vanellope hadn't goofed off during work hours and forfeit the bid, but no. We GOTTA HAVE MEMES AND INTERNET REFERENCES FOR THE ZOOMERS AND ALPHAS!

BuzzTube and Knowsmore existing while Google and Youtube exists is weird. I guess they had some weird contract disagreements with these products?

There is little tension to be found as most of the conflict is resolved through anticlimatic and shallow dialogue and scenes and lame Internet jokes. And conflict is often started or ending with inconsistencies with the previous worldbuilding or with how the Internet really is.

There are barely any subplots in the film. One is teased, but never expanded upon.

Jokes are hit-and-miss. A lot of the dialogue felt unnatural and disgusting, often for the sake of making little kids laugh. Yet, the movie even tries to be r/I'm14andthisisdeep for no reason a few times.

Vanellope and Ralph are now almost completely different from how they were in the first film and of the two, only Ralph learns something and it's a pretty harmful message in the context of the film. However, I do like the new side characters. I personally think they should've done more with Spamley, but they all have fun personalities and act like how I'd imagine the Internet in character form would act like. And the parody with the Disney princesses and the interactions between them and Vanellope is actually creative to watch.

Animation is a clear step up from the first film besides the designs of some of the Disney princesses looking off. Voice acting was mostly decent except for a few characters sounding weird at times. Vanellope's I Want song is disappointingly forgettable.

Ralph Breaks the Internet gets 5.3 bells out of 10.

Also, why is it called Ralph Breaks the Internet instead of Ralph Wrecks the Internet? Ugh, they couldn't even get the title right.

Sour Bill is also one of my favorites and I would've loved to see more of him, too.

#ralph breaks the internet #wreck it ralph 2 #wreck it ralph #vanellope von schweetz #fix it felix #sergeant calhoun #shanks #review #rant

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 5 months

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SHREK 2, approaching its 20th anniversary, took in around $1.3 million this past weekend... In its first theatrical run since its original release.

I have a movie theater job, and I worked this past Friday. Spring break for many schools was this past week, and this week too. Those screenings on Friday at my cinema were often packed, and a lot of them were packed with kids. As in, kids who were born well after this movie originally hit theaters. And *after* SHREK FOREVER AFTER was released, at that.

Yeah, there's some multi-generational appeal there with SHREK and SHREK 2.

Some animation fans jeered at the SHREK movies back in the day, feeling that their early 2000s attitude and pop culture references-aplenty scripts would date them, ditto their art direction and design... But no, nostalgia is very strong, especially when it's passed down. These movies appeal to little kids today. The second PUSS IN BOOTS movie being more recent also helps.

It goes to show that at the end of the day, the characters and what the movie does with them can make something a long-lasting flavor.

And I'm saying this, as someone who is not the biggest fan of those movies myself. As a kid, I did *love* SHREK and SHREK 2. I was the perfect age for them, you could argue - I was 8 1/2 when SHREK came out, 11 1/2 when SHREK 2 hit. I could probably quote whole sections of them verbatim. I know it's sacrilege to say these things, but to me, the SHREK movies are basically the animated equivalent of late '90s/early '00s live-action comedies that were usually made for adults, but in PG-rated form. Set in a fractured fairy tale world with ogres and talking donkeys and dragons and such. If not for those fantastical elements, these movies could've been some '00s live-action comedies with hot stars. They just have that vibe to them, right down to their contemporary soundtracks.

I don't see the first two SHREK movies as the high-water marks of the animation medium that they were sometimes made out to be by critics who didn't see animation as anything other than babysitter fluff. In addition to feeling that MONSTERS, INC. deserved the inaugural Best Animated Feature Oscar over this film, I also never bought that the first two SHREKs were these "revolutionary" "adult" alternatives to whatever Disney had out at the time. There's a roughly 2-second scene in Ralph Bakshi's X-rated FRITZ THE CAT - from 1972 - that's a way better satire of Disney than this movie is said to be, haha. I know at least one person who doesn't really like animation, but they will admit that they liked SHREK. That tells me a lot... SHREK was an animated movie that managed to appeal to just about everybody, including folks who would otherwise not bother with cartoons. It just has that zazz to it... Their core appeal, well specifically, SHREK 1 & 2, is undeniable. How many other relatively chill, less formal comedies like this did you see in mainstream feature animation at the time? It's not zany like, say, Disney's similarly irreverent buddy comedy THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE from five months earlier, nor is it like Pixar's clever, tightly-plotted movies.

The first SHREK movie hit a sweet spot with a lot of American audiences at the right time. Adult audiences who were burnt out on Disney's Renaissance formula being repeated for each movie after THE LION KING, and especially all the movies made at other studios following their lead. Like ANASTASIA and QUEST FOR CAMELOT. Even DreamWorks' own THE PRINCE OF EGYPT, for that matter. These big, grandiose musical pictures... Certain young film fans nowadays will say "those movies went SO HARD", but back in the late '90s/early '00s, the attitude towards them was "Okay, enough of that already." They were often called things like "politically correct", that era's version of "woke". Audiences wanted an animated film that they could just laugh and have a fun time with, without the moral messaged in a specific way.

Adults had also avoided the slew of edgy action-adventure animated movies aimed at a demographic that would never be there, films like DreamWorks' THE ROAD TO EL DORADO, along with Disney's ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE and Fox's TITAN A.E.

So you have this particular landscape of animated features, circa early 2001... Big grandiose family-friendly musicals that have become rather traditional, and these action-adventures for preteen boys that few were interested in seeing in theaters. Few exceptions are in-between, like THE IRON GIANT, but those were ignored because of other circumstances. IRON GIANT by all means should've been a small respectable success back in 1999 at the very least, if not a sleeper hit/blockbuster, but distributor Warner Bros. didn't believe in it. That's the animated movie landscape of early 2001... and then this chill comedy with dick jokes and a gross-out factor to it comes along... Right place, right time, planets aligned... One person put it this way: SHREK was an animated movie that "you could have a beer with."

And to think that SHREK was at one point shaping up to be a cursed, troubled production. Something that animators were punished with. An impending bomberoo, a film that was stopped and restarted, that lurched through a tumultuous 5-year journey...

Then the sequel went on to break records in the spring/summer of 2004, a high that the later films in the franchise couldn't rekindle.

SHREK THE THIRD certainly made a lot of money back in 2007, it was the highest-grossing animated movie of that calendar year, beating out the likes of THE SIMPSONS MOVIE and RATATOUILLE... but I don't remember it landing the way SHREK 2 did. I remember seeing it opening weekend with my dad, my good friend, and his family... and... largely forgetting about it afterwards! I was in high school at the time, and had mentioned one day that a fourth one was coming. This was around late 2007, by the time SHREK 3 was out of theaters and close to DVD release. (And HD-DVD as well, remember that?) One of my classmates responded, "Ugh, they're making another one?" A new SHREK movie wasn't as novel and fresh by then, and when SHREK FOREVER AFTER came out in the spring of 2010, I remember everyone being hyped about TOY STORY 3 - opening less than a month later... Not a word on the fourth green ogre movie. SHREK 4 still made plenty of dough though, it was bigger worldwide than here. Then DreamWorks pumped the breaks on the green ogre, as FOREVER AFTER was billed as "The Final Chapter".

It's interesting to note that DreamWorks' original plan was to make five SHREK movies, and PUSS IN BOOTS would be a direct-to-video movie with the subtitle THE STORY OF AN OGRE KILLER. The fifth SHREK movie would've been a prequel, interestingly enough. But over time, as PUSS IN BOOTS graduated to theatrical feature film and was given to SHREK 3 director Chris Miller, the plans slightly changed...

PUSS IN BOOTS had a rather blah opening in fall 2011, no doubt fueled by franchise fatigue and arriving just a little over a year after SHREK 4... but the cat legged it up something fierce. Because it was pretty good, and for some, a return to form after two lackluster SHREK sequels. It was right for the time, too. An old-school swashbuckling adventure for the family, featuring a fan favorite character from the SHREK sequels. I'm not sure a Donkey or Gingy spin-off would've landed the same way, lol. I remember the early 2010s being a time of more sincere animated movies, a country mile from the ironic early 2000s attitude of the first SHREK movie and all of its imitators. PUSS IN BOOTS Uno was more in line with those kinds of movies, and some of the classic-style adventure movies that DreamWorks had out at the time, like HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON and the first two KUNG FU PANDA films. Their then-recent comedies, like MONSTERS VS. ALIENS and THE CROODS, leaned in a more cartoony and wacky direction. The early 2010s, to reiterate, were way different from the early 2000s in terms of animated movie output. What goes on in the world moves the needle as much as the pop culture does, indeed.

So then, some 11 years and at least one period in limbo later, PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH comes out. An exciting reinvention of the whole franchise, and arriving after a decade-long void where SHREK became something of a meme. Add in nostalgia, word-of-mouth, THE LAST WISH was a gradual trip back into the world of SHREK for many audiences. A big hit in the end, and a beloved movie. It's certainly my favorite movie in this series, for sure. I still find it neat how they didn't just do the safe thing and simply make a SHREK 5 after Comcast acquired them, no. They stuck to that long-gestating PUSS IN BOOTS sequel and saw it through first, as a sort-of lead in to new SHREK movies... And still did something amazing with it, when it could've just been another typical-style SHREK universe movie. It could've also been the movie that it was initially planned to be.

I have no doubt that SHREK PLEADS THE FIFTH, when it hits in a few years, probably makes a good run at highest-grossing animated movie of all-time. SHREK 2 was just that for six years. $919m back in 2004 - without 3D, IMAX, and other such premium formats - was **massive**. TOY STORY 3 took the crown thereafter, and held onto that for three years. SHREK 5's target to beat is the 2019 CG remake of THE LION KING, $1.6 billion. If you don't count that, FROZEN II with $1.4 billion.

I wonder if this re-release of SHREK 2 sparks Universal and DreamWorks to re-release other older films of theirs. Maybe even one that didn't do so hot back in the day? This year also happens to be SHARK TALE's 20th, and MONSTERS VS. ALIENS' 15th. 2014 saw the release of three movies: MR. PEABODY & SHERMAN, HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2, and PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR. 2019 saw the arrival of HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON: THE HIDDEN WORLD and ABOMINABLE.

Who knows...

I think they should re-release animated movies more often, no matter the studio. The SHREK 2 re-release opened wider than the three recent Pixar first-time ever theatrical runs of movies that went straight to Disney+, and people turned out for it. It also helps that the movie is that old, whereas those three Pixars aren't that old. SOUL, the oldest of that trio, came out Christmas 2020. Not even four years ago.

Now, if Disney re-released a Pixar film wide like - say - THE INCREDIBLES this year, I'd imagine it'd get *some* traction like this SHREK 2 re-release did. Or if Disney did the same to an animated feature like LILO & STITCH. Remember those 3D re-releases of various Disney Animation and Pixar films? THE LION KING did quite well in 2011, while everything else barely made half of that... But still quite a bit nonetheless. $40m+ for, say, FINDING NEMO in 2012 is something a new animated feature would fight for today.

Every year, my cinema does the Studio Ghibli fest. Most of the beloved movies... Ya know, little tiny unheard-of movies like SPIRITED AWAY and PRINCESS MONONOKE? Always sold out to the front row.

The original KUNG FU PANDA ran for a few weeks earlier this year in the lead-up to KUNG FU PANDA 4, and a few people showed up for those screenings.

Yeah... More re-release of animated movies, please. Plus, they're great to experience on the big screen again.

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sledgeleau · 1 month

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Roe/Spina for "move in with me"?

oughhh anything for these two <333 btw this is pre-established relationship. i hope thats okay :3

Eugene sat on the porch of his family's home, the old rocking chair creaking from his weight. The wood was starting to rot and splinter, groaning each time a person would shift while sitting on it. It was about time someone replaced it, or run the risk of it giving away from the stress and sending them crashing to the ground. Oh, if he were to break the chair he knew his ma' would go at him for it! The damn thing meant so much to her, but it really was on its last leg... he'd have to see about replacing it soon.

He let out a quiet huff and ran a hand through his hair, gently tugging at the strands as he thought of what he wanted to do. Soon, those thoughts were drowned out by the soft clicking of cicadas, filling the thick humid air with something akin to familiarity. It was odd to say, but when he was overseas, a part of him missed the sound. Sure, the insects could be annoying and loud and their empty, abandoned shells often frightening, but he'd take that over constant shelling and gunfire any day, thank you very much!

In the dark of the night, his lit cigarette illuminated his hands and face, the burning ember glowing brighter with each drag he took. It was now a comfort for him, to sit outside in the afternoons when it was calm and smoke for a good hour or so. It helped distract him, for even just a moment, from the inevitable plans he'd have to make for himself going forward now that the war had been officially declared over. He didn't know what he wanted to do with himself—leave or stay, do this or that, talk to whoever and whatever. It sometimes felt like it was too much and he couldn't stand it.

He had gotten used to shutting his brain off while he worked during the war, never having to think—just do and hope for the best... like letting autopilot take over. And now that he was finally home, he was starting to grow antsy. It was weird, going back to a place where he didn't have to keep his mind blank at all times. In fact, it was starting to become overstimulating from how much time he had to himself to think. While now practically stuck at home, in-between jobs, he could only listen to those thoughts—ones he worked hard to silence for so long.

They were delayed, of course, when they first started coming back, but once one string of thoughts started, the rest came crashing down with them. It was so overwhelming, he found himself crying when he didn't think he could anymore. A part of him actually thought he lost his ability to cry during the war, and he couldn't help but think about how he didn't weep at the loss of Renée or Julian.

His family had begun to notice how twitchy and antsy he was, despite how well he used to be able to keep up his stoic facade. Hell—even a few of the Easy boys noticed a change in how he acted, which he knew would cause a ripple effect of worry.

He gritted his teeth at the thought. God, it felt weird to think... maybe a change of scenery would do him some good. Get away from all this and try to start somewhere fresh.

Was this how everyone felt now?

A few feet away, Ralph stood leaning against the railing of his porch, arms crossed. He had dressed down in a simple white shirt and some stained trousers, his suspenders hanging by his sides. The past few days, he was staying at Eugene's family home until he figured out what he wanted to do. Well, looks like that was an answer to his question.

The silence was slowly starting to get to him, so he finally spoke up after about an hour of not saying a single word to the man.

"Y'ever think about just... gettin' outta here?" Eugene asked, voice low and somewhat hesitant. He didn't look at the man, too focused on flicking the cigarette between his dirty fingers. Would they ever be clean again?

Ralph considered the question for a moment, taking the time to try and think of a response. He pursed his lips and looked over at Eugene, index finger tapping against the wooden railing. "Getting out of town, or Louisiana?"

"Both. Ain't really sure which one scares me more, honestly."

With a shrug, Ralph pushed off the railing and moved to stand beside Eugene, being careful to not add anymore weight to the rocking chair lest it decide to give up on life. "It's crossed my mind, sure, I don't think I'd be here if it didn't... but a part of me misses Philly."

Eugene nodded and took another drag from his cigarette, exhaling softly. "I dunno, Ralph. It's like... everythin' changed, but this place stayed the same. Maybe it's a good thing, but maybe it ain't. With what I've seen? I'm not sure if I belong here anymore." He inhaled sharply through his nose and used his free hand to rub at his face, stubble scratching against the flesh of his hand. Despite him being home for some time now, he still hadn't gotten around to keeping up with shaving it whenever it'd start growing in. His mother would have to remind him for him to actually do something about it.

Keeping a weary eye on him, Ralph placed a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed. He knew how much Eugene loved his home—how he had always been rooted to this place, but the war had shaken and changed all the men in a way they were scrambling to figure out.

"What are you afraid of?" Ralph decided to ask the question quietly, recognizing the sound of talking from inside the home. This was a private moment between just them, and despite how kind Gene's family was to let him stay, he didn't want them to overhear.

Only silence came from the man, his cigarette nearly burning to his fingertips as he stared out at the bayou. It took some time for him to finally give an answer, his voice just as quiet as Ralph's. "I guess... I guess I'm afraid of stayin'. But I'm just as afraid of leavin'." It was a simple answer, and one Eugene had already stated earlier, but Ralph just nodded in understanding.

"It's like everyone is willing to continue things like they always were, while we have to keep moving forward or else we'll get lost in the pressure, right?"

Eugene only hummed in response, which was enough of an answer for Ralph.

A soft laugh erupted from his throat when the other man suddenly hissed as the ember of his cigarette finally touched the skin of his fingers. He was quick to flick it away, shaking out his hand and inspecting the damage.

"Do I need to play doctor for you, Gene?" he chuckled and bent over to take hold of Eugene's hand, turning it this way and that as he looked over it. Oh, what a baby. "You'll survive."

That earned him a scoff and an irritated look from Eugene, the man pulling his hand away, clearly offended. "Do that again and I'll pop ya'."

Ralph couldn't hold back his second fit of laughter, only stopping when Eugene decided to hold him to it and popped the back of his hand. What a fiend!

"Doc, what the hell!—"

"I ward ya', didn't I?"

The two stared at each other for a moment silence hanging over them before they both broke out into laughter. It was nice—being able to joke and mess around when they both knew how the other felt behind it all. Speaking of that, Ralph still had more to say about the topic.

"So—and you don't have to decide tonight—but if you decide to leave, what if someone went with you, Gene?"

Eugene looked up at him, a question in his eyes, but kept it to himself. What the hell was that supposed to mean? If it meant what he thought—well... he didn't honestly know how he'd feel.

Ralph took a deep breath and began to mess with one of his suspenders, deciding to hook them both back over his shoulders. He let them go with a snap. "Well... why don't you move in with me?" he said and somehow managed to keep his voice steady, despite how his heart raced. "Where you end up—whether it's here or somewhere else—I'll go with you. We can, you know... figure it out together. Just the two of us?"

The other man stared at him, too stunned to speak. He was honestly surprised by the offer and had to take a moment to process it. Out of everything, that was definitely not what he had expected Ralph to say to him and he wasn't even sure how to respond to the offer. Part of Eugene wanted to accept, to hold onto the one person that had been a constant for him through everything... but another part hesitated, unsure of what it meant, and the fear that came with the possibility of losing another person he cared for.

Did the offer mean the same for both of them?

"...are you sure about that?" Eugene asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Ralph nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Yeah, Gene. I'm sure."

Looking away, Eugene had to take a deep breath and swallow around the lump forming in his throat. "I... I dunno what to say." It was true—he didn't, and he was scared of how he felt, in all honesty.

Softly, Ralph replied, "You don't have to say anything, not yet at least. Just think about it—we've got time."

He stepped away, walking the the other side of the porch to grab a chair pulled it over to where Eugene sat, taking a seat beside him. They sat there in silence, both staring out to the long stretches of bayou and old trees, letting the weight of their conversation hang between them—though it wasn't uncomfortable. It honestly felt like a turning point, and one they both truly needed.

Eventually, though more to himself than Ralph, Eugene nodded. "Alright. I'll think about it."

With a smile, Ralph looked over at his friend and leaned against the arm of his chair, ignoring how it groaned under the weight. Gene shot him a look, but he ignored that too. "That's all I ask, Doc."

"I'm sure it is, Spina."

#eugene roe #doc roe #ralph spina #eugene roe x ralph spina #band of brothers #oughhh. oughhh #this was not meant to be this long but it is DONE #also yall whats the roe/spina ship name?#sorry if either of them are ooc im TIRED!!!

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spookyscarydemonbabe · 2 years

Text

Eager

A/N- It turns out that getting to write for Ralph has really gotten me excited about writing again :) it’s not like i didn’t love it beforehand, but it’s definitely given me a lot more inspiration, and it’s a nice break from constantly writing the same fics 😅 and i felt like jumping the gun a little and writing a valentine’s day fic a few weeks before the actual holiday :p

Summary- Ralph is having a problem and he’s not entirely sure who he can bring it up to, but he figures you’ll be the perfect person to help

Genre- Fluff

Warnings- None :)

Tag List- No one on the tag list yet! if you’d like to be added please let me know :)

Word Count- 3.2k

Ralph sighed and tried his best to get his nerves under control as he stood just outside your bedroom door.

Each and every year, Ralph and Victoria would throw the most extravagant parties for every holiday or occasion that someone could think of. New Years, Halloween, birthdays, they even threw on for daylight savings time just because they could. Tonight was yet another one of their parties and Ralph could hardly contain his excitement. It was for Valentine’s day, and normally he would be quite down during this time of year.

His sister would get offers for dances all night long while he was normally stuck sitting around all night, looking around and waiting for someone to ask him to dance or look for someone that he could ask, but he would be lucky if he got one for the entire night.

But this year was different.

Just recently, Ralph had been working on meeting new people. It had always been difficult for him, especially with Victoria constantly ordering him around, but every once in a while he was able to get out of the house and do his best to do things on his own.

There was one day a few weeks ago where he found himself in a cafe, and though he felt a bit out of place to be there by himself, it was nice to get some time to himself for a little while. He had also managed to come in on one of the days you had been working.

You had brought him his coffee with a smile, but having normally seen him with his sister you decided to make some small talk. It wasn’t like you had never seen him before, on occasion he and Victoria would always sit in the same spot next to the window and she would be quite demanding, not just to Ralph but to you and the other workers there too. Her coffee had to be made perfectly, whatever pastry she had decided on for the day had to be warmed up to just the right temperature, and though sometimes she would be quite difficult she had always left a nice tip so you were able to manage through it with a smile. Ralph on the other hand was different. He was quiet, kind, and it looked like he spent most of his time there listening to everything his sister was saying.

Seeing him there all alone was enough for you to ask him why.

“Where’s that girl you’re normally here with?” You asked him as you went over to his table to take his empty cup.

He looked up at you with wide eyes, not expecting someone to want to engage with him it all.

“Your sister, normally you’re here with her. Was she not able to come today?”

“Oh! Oh no, it’s just me today.” He said to you with a smile, “i figured it would be nice to do some things by myself. Though it is quite lonely with no one to talk to.”

“Well, i was about to finish up the last of my work. I could sit with you if you like.”

“That would be lovely!” He seemed excited to have someone finally sit and talk with him, and it was cute to see how his eyes lit up when you spoke to him.

“I’m (y/n), it’s nice to meet you.” You said, holding your hand out for him to shake and he gladly took it, though he didn’t shake it like you were expecting.

He had brought your hand to his lips and gently kissed it, bringing a blush to your cheeks.

“I’m Ralph, it’s lovely to meet you (y/n).”

You had taken his empty cup off of the table, and him seeing the pink on your cheeks was enough to make him blush too,

“It’ll be just another minute, i’ll be right out.”

He nodded and seemed quite excited to have you sit with him. And he acted the same way when you approached his table once more and sat comfortably across from him.

Being able to sit down and talk with Ralph showed your an entirely new side to him.

He was very talkative and energetic, always having something on his mind that he wanted to share, and it was lovely to sit there and listen to every word he had to say.

He had a sense of childlike wonder to him and though he was a lot to handle at once, it was cute to see how excited he was to have someone there to listen to him and his rambling. Not to mention how adorable his nervous stutters were when his eyes met yours from across the table.

It soon became like a little tradition for the two of you. He would come in and wait for you to finish your work and afterwards you would sit with him and talk for hours. He loved finally having a friend to talk with. Though overtime he had caught himself thinking about you more and more as soon as you had left.

All week long he would anticipate seeing you once again and every now and then his thoughts would wander and he would find himself thinking about you. Everything about you.

The little pink tinge that came to your cheeks each time he gave you a compliment and how you would always look deeply into his eyes when he was getting a little too excited about whatever it was he was talking about at that moment to help ground him a bit, your giggle was like the prettiest song he had ever heard and your lips would curl into such a lovely smile. Though each time you met you became closer friends, he would be more and more nervous to see you again.

The sweet boy had fallen for you without even noticing it.

He had been dying to ask you to come with to one of him and his sisters parties, but had been so worried you would say no that it had constantly slipped his mind. It was only when you had brought up Valentine’s day that he had remembered.

Ralph had wanted to ask you properly, like a gentleman, but his nerves had gotten the best of him.

He had wanted to bring you flowers, sing to you, maybe even going as far as making you a personal invitation but he had just blurted it out at the table. He was so relieved when you said yes.

However, his rambling had gotten the best of him yet again and he had even offered for you to stay over at the manor rather than having to leave early. He knew Victoria wouldn’t be pleased but knowing that you would be staying overnight and attending the party with him made it all worthwhile. He’d take hours of Victorias commands if it meant he got to spend just a little more time with you.

For the last few hours, everyone had spent time in their rooms getting ready for the party, but Ralph had so many other things on his mind.

He had been thinking about what you would be wearing and how you would look together, if he had the nerve to ask you to dance with him or if he was too scared, or maybe another man would ask and you’d say yes, leaving him all alone once again like he was so used to. He had wanted this to be an actual date, keeping his arm around you and dancing with you all night long, maybe even seeing if the champagne would loosen him up enough for an attempt at trying to kiss you. But he had no idea how.

All his life he had wanted to find someone to love and give all his affection to, but each time he tried he found that they lad lost interest after he had shown them his attention. He was someone who loved being able to shower his love with gifts and compliments and attention but they would always think it was too much and leave him before he was able to officially ask to court them. He just wanted tonight to be different, he knew that you were different, but he didn’t want to mess up anything.

As scared as he was, he just wanted to be honest with you and tell you that as much as he wanted to kiss you he had no idea how to, or even where to start.

But it was the only option he felt like he had.

He couldn’t go to his sister, all she would do was make fun of him for thinking that you would want to kiss someone who had no clue what they were doing. He didn’t have any close friends he could ask for help, all the people that were invited to their parties were nothing more than acquaintances who he only knew by name. You were the only person he considered a friend, and therefore his only option.

So there he stood.

Just outside your bedroom door, fidgeting with his bow tie and constantly adjusting his cuff links to keep from getting to scared and running off. This was something he felt like he had to do.

He took one last deep breath before knocking on your bedroom door and taking a step back, his heart stopping once he had seen you.

It was a valentines party, and the required attire was strictly pinks, reds and whites and you had the most beautiful light pink dress on. It had gorgeous beading and you had on the prettiest pink lace shawl to wear over your shoulders. Your makeup was perfect, your hair was perfect, your outfit and accessories were perfect. Everything about you was breathtaking and the blush on Ralph’s cheeks let you know.

“Hello Ralph!” You said to him with an excited smile, “You look so handsome, and we almost match each other!” You giggled and looked over the suit he was wearing.

It was a bright white, and his vest had the prettiest pearlescent pink swirls over it with the cuffs of his jacket in the same pattern to match. His bow tie and pocket square were the same pink as your dress and the two of you looked absolutely adorable together.

He laughed nervously noticing how well you match together and he stood before you with his eyes on the floor, not wanting to make a fool of himself by messing up his words from seeing your beauty,

“You look absolutely lovely! Would you mind if um…” He cleared his throat, trying to collect his thoughts, “Would you mind if i came in for a moment to talk? I’ve got something on my mind and i feel you’re the only person able to help.”

“Oh, of course! I’d be glad to help you,” You opened your door for him to step inside and shut it as he made his way over to sit on the bed, “is everything alright sweetheart?”

Your pet name brought a brighter blush to his cheeks but he didn’t want to let his feelings get in the way of what he was trying to do.

He wanted to be completely upfront and honest with you about the way that he felt, he didn’t want to keep hiding around his feelings. He did like you, more than he had wanted to, and he wanted to be the gentleman that he knew you deserved and show you a good time and be able to kiss you like he had been wishing to do all day but he just didn’t know how to do any of that for you.

“Not quite.” He said with another laugh as you came to sit next to him, “It’s a problem that i hope you don’t take offense to, but i feel it’s best i should be honest with you about it.”

You gave him a kind smile and reached out for his hand, gently holding it in hours,

“It’s alright, you can tell me. We’re friends, and friends help each other with their problems.”

He smiled back at you and squeezed your hand in his, taking another deep breath,

“You’re right. I want to be completely honest with you (y/n), and i hope this doesn’t change your feelings of me but i…” He trailed off, nervous to finish his sentence but when you gave him an encouraging nod he continued, “I love you. At least i think it’s love.”

You were shocked at his confession, but it didn’t come as much of a surprise to you.

For weeks Ralph has been treating you so sweetly, always giving you compliments and acting more nervous when you saw one another. When he asked if you would come along with him to his party you were so excited to spend time with him outside of your normal routine and when he asked you it made your heart skip a beat. He had been so sweet and kind to you and overtime you had caught feelings for the sweet boy.

“And i mean truly mean that (y/n).” Ralph continued on, turning his body to face yours as he took your other hand into his, “Getting to spend time with you is something i adore and i’ve been wanting to show you a wonderful time tonight and be able to really show you how i feel. I had a whole plan to dance with you and spend time with you and i wanted to kiss you so badly but i just…” He trailed off once more.

He had already admitted his love for you, the hard part was over, but he was so scared to tell you he had no idea how to kiss you and it was eating away at him inside.

You reached one hand up and gently held his cheek,

“It’s ok Ralph, keep going.”

He looked to your eyes and their kindness made his wave of nerves completely wash away.

“I just don’t know how to.”

You sat there with him quietly for a moment, just taking in what he had said to you.

He was nearly trembling, terrified of your reaction to everything he had confessed. His love for you, his want to make you feel the same way he did, and the fact that he had never kissed before but so badly wanted to.

You tilted his head up so he could look to your eyes once more,

“Is that what your problem is Ralphie? You want to kiss me, but you don’t know how?”

He nodded, still staying silent, but the gentle smile on your lips assured him that whatever reaction you were going to have was going to be one he didn’t have to be scared of.

You brought him close to you, your lips gently pressing to his cheek and you could feel the bright blush start to warm under your fingers,

“Would you like me to show you?”

His heart stopped.

He nodded once more and you watched as his bottom lip trembled,

“Would you?” He said quietly, “Please?”

You smiled once more and turned your body towards him, moving yourself just a bit closer to him.

“I’ll do my best.” You said with a giggle, “But kissing isn’t really something you teach Ralph. Everyone does it their own way, it’s more something you just have to do whatever way feels right to you.”

He nodded and sat himself up straight, doing his best to hide how nervous he was that this moment was finally happening. It wasn’t the way he had planned, but he felt that it was almost more special this way.

“What do i do?” He asked you, earning another giggle from you.

“You just do what feels natural to you Ralphie.” You held his hands in yours gently and you felt yourself slowly inching closer into him, “You just go slow,” he moved himself closer into you, your noses brushing against each other, “and you do what feels right…” You trailed off, slowly moving to close the last of the space between you.

Your kiss was over as quickly as it began but it felt like so much more than that.

It was sweet. It was soft. It was gentle.

It was perfect.

Ralph sat back as you separated and he had the biggest smile on his face.

“Wow… That was…” He racked his brain trying to think of the right words but you were the only thing on his mind, and all he wanted to do was kiss you again.

“It was wha-“ You were quickly cut off by Ralph’s lips on yours once again.

As he pulled away once more, his smile had never left, and he could see yours start to form as you giggled.

Your hands gently went to hold his cheeks to kiss him just one last time, and feeling his smile against your lips was enough to make you melt.

He seemed so happy and it was wonderful to finally get a kiss from him. Or a few kisses at that.

When you separated once more you were both a mess of giggles, your hands still gently holding his cheeks,

“How was that Ralphie?”

“Oh darling, it was wonderful!” He had leaned in and placed a few gentle pecks to your lips, “Just wonderful!”

“I can tell sweetheart,” You used your thumb to clean up the light lipstick marks that were left just beneath his lips from yours, “you got quite eager as soon as you got just one.”

“I’m sorry,” He sat back as your hands fell into his lap, holding his once more, “i just couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s alright!” You said to him with a bright smile, “i think it’s sweet. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes my love, thank you. Thank you so much.” He squeezed your hands in his, “I just can’t wait to show you off to everyone tonight!”

“Ralph!”

Your sweet moment was interrupted by Victoria shouting from outside the door, rapidly knocking on it to get his attention,

“The party has begun and you’ve been absent! Come downstairs now and bring that little friend of yours, do not ruin this night for me!”

You heard the clicking of her heels fade as she made her way back downstairs to the party, which had become an afterthought to you after everything that had just happened between you and Ralph.

You looked to him and stood up from the bed, fixing up your dress and adjusting the shawl over your shoulders,

“Come sweetheart, let’s go have fun!”

“Of course my darling!” He stood up after you and quickly made his way to the bedroom door, opening it for you and softly shutting it behind him, “I do have one question though.” He held his arm out for you to take to escort you downstairs with the other partygoers.

“What’s that my love?”

He leaned in to whisper into your ear,

“Am i allowed to kiss you again?”

You giggled and leaned up to gently place a kiss onto his cheek as you made your way downstairs,

“As much as you like.”

#ralph penbury fic #ralph penbury fluff #ralph penbury fanfic #ralph penbury timewasters #ralph penbury x female reader #ralph penbury x y/n #ralph penbury x reader #ralph timewasters #ralph penbury

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 2 years

Text

Criminal Justice (2007)- Episodes 1-5. Watching Con O'Neill's old stuff cause it's fun. Day #? RALPH STONE!

Warnings: Murder. Blood. Drug Use. Needle Use/Injection is shown on the scene. Drunk driving. Accused/discussed sexual assault. Abusive parents, grief, and general bullshit in the justice system.

Should you watch this if you haven't: YES! Five episodes, each being an hour, but if you don't have any issues with the warning, it should be a fun time. I was on the edge of my seat for most of this show and Con is a very important character! He is on screen more than most of his other tv parts and is having a great time. It's a story about one defendant and the shit that goes down as he's tried for the crime.

Special thanks to:

@dianetastesmetal who I chatted with around midway through about the show! (For me it was ~2 in the morning, so it was a whole lot of fun!)

The Usual Suspects! I would love to hear your thoughts about this show down alone! I want to thank all of you for following me and giving me love. Y'all are enabling my current fixation, and I thank you all! If you haven't seen it, just ignore me <3

@sphealybojeely @thedowneyheart @kimpreg @gydima @ivegotnonameidea @treesofgreen @tummy-stab-wounds @mossiestpiglet @sidewalk-scrawls @crybabyclover @

Criminal Justice- EP 1 (Guest starring my brother)

Why does that kid look like Benedict Cumberbatch?

He just needs a haircut. That hair looks awful.

This takes place in 2008 right?

Why didn't the dad knock?

He's going to go have sex, huh, he's not going to his friend's house.

Is he going to abuse his position here? Pretend he's a cab driver?

I feel like cab drivers are trained to drop a rando with no destination to a hospital or a police station.

Also, a situation that's only playful because it's a young woman. If this were a homeless person? This shit isn't flying.

DON'T SHARE YOUR FUCKING DRINKS WITH A STRANGER??!?!?!

I got to inform my brother that in England they call soft-served ice cream 'whippies' after the popular brand 'Mr. Whippy', to which he just said 'it's a clown land'

DRUGS! Here we go!

This is suspicious as fuck. Don't take her booze! She's a chick you just met!

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

NOOOO! NO. NO. NO. KNIFE GAME IS TAPPING, NOT FUCKING STABBING! WTF!

Society would be a lot further on if we just stopped caring about peer pressure.

WHAT? HE STABBED HER!?!?!?!?!? WHY ARE THEY FUCKING?

We have seen so much of this man's ass, why?

We are 12 minutes in?

Oh. She's dead. She's so dead.

OH SHIT. Yep thats a stabbing

Brother guesses it was the parent, I say ex lover.

God, he's just bad at this

BRO WENT BACK AND NOW HAS A WITNESS?????

This is an actual ACE ATTORNEY CASE WTF

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. HE THEN CRASHES THE CAR? ACE ATTORNEY LEVELS OF DUMB!

Bro, is this your first break in?

Ohhh he's fucked.

Ohhhhh, this is the cops best day of his life

Oh, good luck defense attorney Con. You better get Phoenix Wright levels of bullshit.

Oh my god, don't fucking fight the cops.

Bro, take a nap. It's been a long night.

OH MY GOD IT'S HIM.

Hello Con! Lovely to see you. Love the rat man fit. I know it's on purpose, but damn. He looks wet.

This is where my brother bullies the shit out of Con.

OH I LOVE HIM-He's actually giving good legal advice! The cops are going to do whatever they can to get a false conviction.

'No comment man'- Hard nose solicitor I FUCKING LOVE IT

RALPH STONE! TROLLIN'. I love it. GOD I LOVE IT.

It's so much easier to be quiet when you're nervous.

Lessons to be learned from this tv show: Don't random desperate women, don't fall to peer pressure, don't say shit to the police.

They wouldn't have left her body there. They would have taken photos then taken the body out of the house asap. It's weird they've waited so long to investigate.

Solicitation of evidence. It's illegal to receive testimony from a private source without giving the evidence to opposing council.

Nice that she packed him a sandwich.

Why is the shitty cops boss so much taller? That's funny.

Whelp. RIP Ralph, you did all you could. Having the guy almost assault a police officer isn't fun.

OHHHHH!!!!!! RALPH I LOVE IT- GOOD GOD IS HE FUN

Oh this whole detective thing feels illegal. Without his attorney to represent him.

Yeah. Sure. Don't get buddy-buddy with the guy who wants to put you away for years.

IS THIS DETECTIVE A VILLAIN? Oh, he likes you? FUN.

They're in a public spot, there is no expectation for privacy and this can be recorded, HAHAHAHAHHAHA. GOOD, HE DIDN'T SAY SHIT.

It's 2007, a bit of weird transphobia was to expected.

UHHHHH….. I SWEAR TO GOD. DON'T SWAP ATTORNIES!

CLASSIST BRITISH PEOPLE AHHHHH-

OH I'D BE PISSED!!!!!! RALPH IS SO GOOD!!!!!

Oh good, Ralph corrected himself about his client's name and pronouns, nice.

Ralph at the end of ep 1-'I looked into his eyes, and we vibed. He can't be innocent'

AWWW RALPH STILL WANTS TO HELP HIM EVEN AFTER HE GOT SCREWED OVER BY HIS POSH LAWYERS! God, I love him.

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EPISODE 2: This is where my brother dipped out, but I summarized as much as I could for him.

I'm going to be honest I skipped through this ep a ton. I generally got the gyst. I'm here for my guy, you know.

I watched a bit, but this just establishes our protagonist's life in jail.

I skipped Ralph's scene/ the trial. Seriously the preview in ep 1 gives you the gist. Read a summary. Etc. His roomie is great.

AHHH RALPHS SMILE. "I don't care what you'd do as a lawyer, just as a human being" AHHH.

GOD HIS CELLMATE IS SO GOOD.

HAHHHAHHAHAHAHHAH! WTF?!?!?!??! Oh, poor ralph. You guy just blowing up in court.

At this point, if I was Ralph Stone, I wouldn't really believe him, but that's what that whole grin was for. He just knew our guy was innocent!

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Episode 3

Oh good. Protag was able to deep throat the drugs.

Ralph! AHHH!! God, he has great outfits in this show.

WHY DOES RALPH HAVE A FOOT THING? I noticed it earlier, but why are we drawing attention to it.

Oh good, Ralph doesn't want to senselessly tarnish a dead girl's name. Nice.

THAT FACE! Uh, the reluctant face! Chewing on the lip!

Ralph! AHHH!! God, he has great outfits in this show.

WHY DOES RALPH HAVE A FOOT THING? I noticed it earlier, but why are we drawing attention to it.

Oh good, Ralph doesn't want to senselessly tarnish a dead girl's name. Nice.

THAT FACE! Uh, the reluctant face! Chewing on the lip! Love it.

Ohhh, god. Ralph's a good actor. That's cute.

OHH THE DETECTIVE ALSO BEING THERE! SHIT. RALPH RUN!

GOD HIM BEING VAGUE AS SHIT TO A WITNESS! I love it.

'With alpha brain?' What the fuck?

AHHH! I LOVE RALPH.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I got to see his chest :)

Oh, Ralph doesn't like this at all. But shit. Not much he can do.

Oh no. It's really not ethical. And this yonger lady is going to mess it up.

AHAHHAHAAAHAHAAA. THE WIGS!

Is this inadvertently informing the audience of how fucked the courts can be. Which is both good and bad. People deserve to know exactly what our lawyers know.

RALPH BEING THE FUCKING SAD DOG MIDDLEMAN THAT NEEDS TO RUN BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS SO FUNNY.

Ralph with glasses gives me life.

OH SHIT THE FRIEND SHOWED UP?

Okay, this is fun. But maybe let's not make jokes in a murder trial?

I love the one juror struggling to stay awake. Showing that even with all these verbal chess, they still need to convince the jury.

Hey, babe. If you really fucking hate prison, maybe don't give a shit about how your mom reacts here!

Good on Ralph. Trying to speak up for her.

(Seeing Ralphs…ex? For the first time) Oh I love them. WHAT ARE THEY ON?

OH SHE MOVED ON, GOD HIS ACTING. A SECOND TO SEE THAT FULL FUCKING FACE JOURNEY!

Oh good. We can really hate the cops now. I mean, I already did. BUT.

OHHH DO THEY HAVE FOOTAGE.

OH, HE COMPLIMENTS RALPH WHEN IT LOOKS GOOD IN FRONT OF THE JURY.

God I hate her(lead defense lady), but this scene is fun.

RALPH IS HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME. He's watching the divorced parents fight and he loves it. He should be allowed to smile.

Ha, she's sowing seeds of guilt but that's really not how the law works.

Ralph-'I told you not to talk two episodes ago, and you do it fucking now?!?!??!?!'

Is Ralph being kinda shitty? Yes. Is there any other option right now? Nope.

Them showing how mentally I'll people in prison are severely punished without being able to seek help is cool.

Back to court- OHHHH! SHIT. Yeah, digging at how the medical examiner is only going on prosecution for the state is suspicious as fuck.

FUCK. ASSHOLE DON'T SAY SHIT! DONT CONTRADICT THE DEFENSE!!!!!

SHIT

Ralph, mentally deciding if now is a good place to just call it a day when his client is just begging to go to jail.

OH ANOTHER FUCKING CON CHARACTER WHO FELL IN LOVE THE WRONG WAY!!?!?!?!??!?!!? Well, that fills out my bingo card. This makes maybe 20 characters. I swear to god, if he ends up sad and alone I will make a Con O'Neill drinking game.

"Are you calling me a hypocrite?" *Slight head tilt* -ME rolling on the floor laughing

Good on Ralph for staying with him though.

AWWW. Ralph's an asshole but this is one of the few cases that's gotten to him! I love it. :)

Aww, they are sweet as a couple, but he needs to reorient himself. Find his own center and work on not 'always looking for doubt' before moving on.

OH GOD! Don't fucking smile Con. It's mean. To me. Personally.

AHHH! HIS TICKS WHEN HE'S LYING! Okay, that's funny as shit. I love him.

It's good that the main defense younger lady and the defendant trust each other. AND CON'S GRIN!

Say what you will, this man loves his job

OH SO YOU'LL LET THE SENIOR DEFENSE CHAT AND BE EXTRA BUT NOT THE JUNIOR! RUDE!

OHHHH SHIT THEY GAVE HIM BACK (the inhaler) EVIDENCE

AHHHHHHH!H!H!H!H!HH!H!HH HE TOOK EVIDENCE BITCH! It proves that he stayed in her bed

RALPH SMILING AHHHH!H!H!H!H!H!HH!

Oh they're getting him addicted to drugs to keep him loyal. Whelp. That's going to ruin him.

EPISODE 4:

Why is Ralph going into his clients home?

Ralph(I'm paraphrasing)- Look, I'm a hard ass. I'm a dick who usually has guilty clients and does what he can to abuse loopholes and police mistakes to get them free. If I have a gut feeling, that really fucking matters. So I'm going to do what I can.

Yeah, the neighbor did it

OHHHH! SHE PULLED RANK ON RALPH AHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Stone is pissed, and doesn't want to freak out in court. OR HE'S GOING TO EXAMINE A WITNESS?

What act is he playing here? I love it. He's being a clever cheeky bastard. Knowing how people want to treat court like they're the important heros that can save the day! AHAHHAH! I love it.

"Are you the kind of person-"- SHUT THE FUCK UP-He's just trying to establish his character before crushing it.

OHHH THEY ARE ABUSING THE SHIT OUT OF HIS COYNESS AND NERVOUSNESS WHEN TALKING ABOUT SEX.

AND HE'S HIDING EVIDENCE

Ralph, I love you. Babe. This is the kind of trust in the justice system I need.

Another court scene goes by without note. But Ralph shows up? Oh boy, I'm typing.

OOOOHHHH RALPH GETS TO BE A DETECTIVE!

SCENE SKIP

WHY ARE THE CLIENT AND YONGER LADY DEFENSE ATTORNEY SMOOCHIN? EXCUSE ME? ISN'T THAT AGE GAP WEIRD??!?!?!??!?

Oh good. Ralph.

OH MY GOD HIM FUCKING SITTING ON THE TABLE? Me Moment. Queer? Coded. I'm assigning it to him. I'm giving him an honorary badge even though this is probably one of his straightest roles.

Ralph- "I like getting my clients off." YEAH so does she! *Ba Dumb Tisk*. See, Ralph is smart. Get entangled with others in the arm of the law, not your fucking client.

Scene passes without note. But a few prison scenes go by.

GLASSES!!!!!! Look at them! THE EXAMINER GENUINELY HELPED. I'd also be smiling at him like that.

Aww, Ralph's trying to ask without asking to hang out with a friend.

Skipped a bit. Back in court.

AWW Ralph and the yonger female defense attorney leaning together to chat.

BRO HE IS SO WHIPPED FOR THE EXAMINER! I LOVE THIS!!!!!

THAT FUCKING SMILE. GOOD FOR HIM! GOOD FOR HELLEN! I love that they're immediately like, yeah, this might be a conflict of witness BUT. She still has a point.

I WOULD BE SWAYED BY HIS CHARM! I HAVE BEEN SWAYED BY HIS CHARM.

DAMN. Good on the friend/witness.

Oh wow, the cellmate is just as shitty and corrupt as everyone else? I'm shocked.

I love Ralph trying his best here.

"You're 46 years old, what do you know about justice?" :0. WOW.

OH SHIT THIS MIGHT FUCK THIS ALL UP. CALLING IN THE DAD IF HE HAS AN ALIBI

OHHHH FUCK. RALPH IS A SECOND FROM STEPPING IN.

OHHHH FUCK. GOOD ON HER. CALL THE DAD OUT FOR BEING ABUSIVE.

FUCK if they pull her in the case is fucked.

YEP RALPH SEES IT! SHIT!!!!!!

EP 5:

JURY CONSIDERING VERDICT!

HI RALPH! LOVE YOU BABE!

Hour and a half deliberation is good!

Yeah, I should have seen that coming.

WHELP. SHIT.

He's going to kill himself within a year. Calling it now.

That moment when you work the same job as our prisoner protagonist 😐. Hey, don't dis a dishwashing job, protag. It's nice and easy.

HI CON!

"'Self-deprecating jokes get you out of hard questions'- avoids the question by shoving toast in his mouth"-me. God, I was messaging @dianetastesmetal during this bit. Who pointed out how loving these characters is a form of self-love, and I will partially embrace it. Maybe I just want to see a man with a nice chest and a nice smile huh! ;)

Oh good, the protagonist is doing more drugs. Love that

GLASSES! I AM BACK ON MY WHORE SHIT.

The hugging of the book! THE GRINNING! AHH!

This is why Ralph is emotionally distant, 'cause he's lost good cases before. HAHAHAHHA HE CAN'T LET IT GO.

AHHHHH!H!H!H!HH!!H THE TUFTED-UP HAIR ENTERING THE PRISON!

OH SHIT! RALPH INVESTIGATING THEIR RELATIONSHIP! He's asking the protagonist to sell out his legal advisor!

No, RALPH IS SO RIGHT! She abused her station and got too close.

Oh good. Another arm of the law is weird around police reports and evidence. Great.

AHHH! Her sewing that little tidbit in the cop's head! She's onto him!

Yeah, good on our protag to stand up for himself.

Cellmate is going to get killed cause he knew too much, huh.

Hey, good on the cop for looking into it a bit more. Still a jackass. But you know.

Skipped a few scenes without note.

OHHH SHIT HE FILED THE SUIT!!!!!!! GOOD ON RALPH! We love a man who cares about giving justice to his client.

'Frances- out for blood after Ralph is about to ruin her career'

'Ralph-Half passed out on a couch with a rag over his eyes, already done with this conversation. Ready to throw every insult she directed to him back into his face.'

Ralph knew to get romantically entangled with a medical examiner and not a fucking witness.

GET IT RALPH! God, good for him. SHE ABUSED HER POSITION! She took everything they worked for and threw it all away. She didn't let their client find justice.

Yeah, cellmate's about to die, huh.

OHHHH SHIT! GET IT!!!!!! Good on him! Yeah, he's going to get murdered, but good on him. MURDER THAT BASTARD!

OHHH SHIT. THE ASSHOLE COP HELPED THE MOB!

GOOD ON THE CHIEF FOR CALLING HIM OUT! DAMN!

Oh, wow. Ben's life is ruined. He's hooked on drugs, and he thinks he has no prospects in life.

Now he can't fall asleep without listening to the radio.

Hi Ralph. Why are we talking about your feet?

Frances is fucked essentially.

Yeah, going in for a mistrial was the right option.

Yeah, no. Nothing would have changed if Ben told Ralph the truth the moment they met. Good on Ralph! Giving our protag a bit of closure on this whole thing. Telling that none of this was really his fault.

Yep. He had his last few free years of youth ripped from him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final thoughts:

I think the fact that this was a mob member being the real murder and that it was covered up was the real thing here. The entire point and moral the audience was meant to learn. It didn't matter if Ben had the best case, the entire Crown was against him. Ralph and his team could have been the best defense lawyers in the world and it still would have gotten buried. I'm happy the final evidence came out, obviously, but Ben was fucked over in so many ways. Now what life does he have? He lost his friends, his trust in his family, and is now destined to fall back into the system he knows. It's a shame.

Con: 11+/10. Long hair AND glasses AND he's Exhausted! Perfect role. I want him. I want to be him. He's divorced, and sad, and I love it.

Ralph saved this series for me personally. He was so much fun. I will be updating the Con list here soon to include bit TV roles. Ralph is going to be high on my ranking. We are given a Con character who has REAL impact on the story, introduces the audience to the rules of this world, AND GETS A HAPPY ENDING! It's brilliant. Obviously, there are moral issues to him being such a good defense attorney to allow criminals to get away, but this whole story was about giving Ralph a different perspective. He's a slime-ball but he's not totally against change. Willing to look at other perspectives. He started to genuinely care about his client, and didn't treat it as some weird game of chess. Him genuinely helping the younger defense attorney was nice, especially because he rarely blew up at her for her choices. He did his best to help where he could and didn't take things personally when shit blew up.

Con's acting here is so fun and fluid! I hate being a person that ties OFMD into everything, but this is kind of what I want Izzy to become. Con's allowed to be fun! He's allowed to be mad, suspicious, have doubt etc. There are a few scenes that got me chuckling just by his face! He feels really confident and comfortable in this role. He talks with his hands! He's a dick, a total slime-ball, but he really cares about getting things done right! I love it.

Everyone else: 8/10. Nothing really stood out besides our protagonist, and after a quick google, he won an award for this role. Which is deserved. He does great. I liked the characters the show wanted me to like, and vice versa.

Story 7/10: Intriguing. I had fun, but this show sits more in the turn off your brain and gets swept along by the bullshit, vs trying to solve it yourself.

Overall. 9/10: I highly recommend it if the tags don't worry you. Con is in this enough to justify a Con watch. I have a thing for Professor esk Con. I will not be ashamed about that. His whole speech about how he was perceived was nice. Now, this is about five hours of commitment, but If you need something longer I'd recommend it.

#ralph stone #criminal justice (2008)#con oneill #con o'neill #ralphposting #criminal justice #I want his gender.#Con's Conography

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genericruleroftheflies · 1 year

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The way I view Jalph is really like “shy liking” core

…like saying I ship them never really feels right to me now at least because I think the relationship between Jack and Ralph is basically that of two kids who so badly wanted the other to like them.

And like, when you look at it as let’s say a gay kid in whatever grade English class, of course you’re going to see/feel undertones of them maybe having a crush on each other. Like you would with Nick and Gatsby or Tom and Huck.

But for me that’s really as far as it goes because obviously, everything goes wrong in the story. These two couldn’t even be friends in the end, even if they really wanted to be in the beginning.

And that in itself is a very interesting dynamic to me.

I like looking into how their relationship breaks down throughout the story. That’s my favorite part of lord of the flies.

So if you ever see me say about an edit or art post of mine like “not necessarily romantic or platonic” that’s why. Cuz I personally feel like their relationship is somewhere in the middle and then gets lost by the end of the story.

And I do read their relationship both ways and it doesn’t really change anything for me. Like if they are two straight guys who wanted to be friends and admired traits about the other… cool. If they had that and also kind of had a little crush on the other at some point… cool. The story takes place in like the 1950s so I don’t even think they would know that’s how they were feeling if they were.

But I also want to say I don’t think it’s wrong to ship them or think they liked each other, if you’re keeping it appropriate, kids do get crushes on each other… that’s totally normal. And gay relationships aren’t inherently inappropriate.

#idk if these are hot takes #I feel like most people in the fandom feel this way #I think some people take things to extremes #I guess I’m in the middle then #Jalph #Jalph thoughts

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 11 months

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Breaking down the comics: An evening with Bill.

Moon Knight afterward from issue #25.

Truth, I agonized on if I was going to acknowledge this. My business is with the Moon Knight comics, after all… History, development, and personal insight into the comics. You know, me screaming into a dark room about how much I love this comic.

But where would we be if we didn’t have a little insight into the legend himself: Bill Sienkiewicz.

Issue #25 was a special double long comic. These bad boys come out once in a blue moon to celebrate the success and growing popularity of a comic! Once a comic becomes top ranking, you’ll start to get Annuals and yearly (sometimes bi-yearly) double longs!

So here we sit in 1982, just a few years after the creation of Moon Knight and we get our first double!

But what really makes you pick up a comic in the store in the first place? Especially if you know nothing about the characters. Sure, Marvel (and DC) will splash a crossover event with a popular character across the cover to lure in those that are fans of the one character. They’ll also do variant covers to get the collectors wild (gotta catch ‘em all!). Limited runs? You know someone’s trolling Ebay for that blank cover that gives nothing away. You’ll also get guest artists who do ONLY covers. Fans of the art will collect them just for the covers.

But all those special things aside, you know that a well done cover piece is what makes you pick it up and go “Neat. I wonder what’s inside.”

So what makes a cover? To all the aspiring artists out there, this one’s for you.

Don’t worry people. I’m not going to make you squint. I’ll just type up everything verbatim that Mr. Sienkiewicz has to say. And I admit, I was so pleasantly surprised to find his sense of humor on point.

I've also added the final cover product so you can really see how the cover ended up laid out in publishing.

A TALE OF THREE COVERS by Bill Sienkiewicz

When Denny and Ralph asked me to come up with a possible topic for the editorial pages in the double-sized issue of MOON KNIGHT, my first reaction was "Editorial? Isn't that your job? I've just finished the art for this issue and the last thing I feel like doing is an editorial page." Then I made some crack about them earning their money and proceeded to walk out.

"Hold it!" Denny snapped, bringing his riding crop down smartly on the New York Post. I turned, my nostrils filling with the stench of wounded printer's ink, and did some serious reconsideration.

"Look," Denny began, "I don't want you to get the idea that this is something you have to do," his gloved hand waving the riding crop in what could be construed as a menacing fashion, "But we'd like to give you the opportunity to do something that you'd like to do to get you involved in EVERY aspect of the book, not just the artwork, to tell the readers some of your viewpoints and..." Denny leaned back, crossed his jackbooted feet on the desk. He smiled a wicked smile "...to let the readers know that we're just one big family here at Marvel. My mind raced.

"Covers." I said.

"What?" asked Denny, cocking a thumb under the visor of his cap. Light glinted off some odd metallic insignia there.

"Covers." I repeated. "Unused covers."

"Go on..." He crossed his arms awkwardly, creasing his holster.

"Well... The covers -the unused one-- we could run them along with the ones that were used, and I could write about the dumb...the uh, reasons that they weren't used, you know, why I did them the way I did and why you turned them down."

There was a long pause. Very long. Then he smiled again. Only worse than before, and said -- "We'll do it..."

I relaxed. I turned to leave but Denny wasn't finished. "Sienkiewicz," he hissed.

I cringed. "Yeah?"

"Don't make me look like the bad guy in this."

"No. Of course not." I said, then turned I left.

I returned one week later, armed with the covers and my feelings about each. I walked into Denny's office and snapped to attention. The Post was still on the desk. It had decayed horribly "At ease." Denny cooed. He shot a sly grin at Ralph.

"What did our little artist friend bring us perchance?" Said Ralph as he woke up, "Our meal ticket?"

Denny's smile faded. "You can be replaced, Macchio."

I looked at Ralph. Innocent of face. Stubbly of beard. Ralph. Ralph Macchio. Ralph went back to sleep. There was a smile on his face.

Denny turned back to me. "What have you got?"

This--" I replied, and proceeded to show him what a week of coffee, cigarettes and images of a mutilated newspaper had inspired.

"First: Issue #9's cover for The Return of the Midnight Man. I wanted to do a total image, an essence of the relationship between him and Moon Knight. The paintings --the Jekyll and Hyde shots of Midnight Man's face. The target around Moon Knight. Moon Knight's expression of worry and insanity --He was going through a lot back then."

"That's all well and good--" Denny smirked. "But it's too tall--the paintings would be obscured by the logo. All that we could see would be the two big faces and MK going crazy. And he's been crazy or in a losing position on the past five covers. I wanted to show him fighting, maybe winning. I thought about it. I really did. But you were moving to a studio and couldn't be reached in time to do another. Frank Miller was in the office and drew the cover that was used."

"Oh," I said. My hand shook as I reached for another cover. Number 12. Morpheus and Moon KNight. Boffo action. "I wanted a closeup," Denny said. "Simple as that. Miller was in again and did it up. Milgrom inked it."

"That Miller guy again." I thought.

I turned to issue 13, which guest-starred Daredevil. Frank was drawing Daredevil. Denny thought it would be fun to have Frank draw the cover and me ink it. I agreed. I spoke to Frank on the phone. He said we could do "crossover" covers; I'd do one later for Daredevil. Fine idea. "What are you waiting for, Sienkiewicz, "Denny screamed, interrupting my reverie. Veins showed in his forehead. Big ones.

"Right," I said. "The cover for issue 13--Frank pencilled, I inked. I really had a good time with this one. It was the first time I inked anyone else's work."

Denny Scowled. "Except it was too tall. The logo would have obscured the pinball machine's scoreboard. That's why I nixed it. Ron Wilson happened to drop by the same time as Dave Simons did. The deadline was tight. I had no alternative. They did the cover."

Deja vu. Denny was beating a dead Post. "That will be all for now. And Sienkiewicz--About the article. Flattery will get you nowhere."

I managed a weak smile, and again turned to leave. As I did so, I glanced at Ralph Macchio, his eyes closed in contented slumber.

—

Ralph Macchio is a comic book editor and writer. He's done a lot of the big ones (The Avengers, Captain America, Ultimate Marvel, Doctor Strange, Thor, Spider-Man...). He retired in 2011.

Dennis O'Neil (Denny) is the editor for Moon Knight at the time. He also worked for DC back in the day. He tended to write the more mature themes in early comics that were often controversial. Also the creator of notable characters like Ra's Al Ghul, Talia Al Ghul, Iron Monger, Lady Deathstrike, and many others that I have no idea who they are off the top of my head.

If anything, I am more endered towards Bill after this. The idea of him turning in cover after cover only to have them nixed and replaced by the LEGENDARY Frank Miller, and then being playfully bitter about it is the funniest thing. The notion that these other cover artists just happened to be hanging around only to ruin Bill’s day…

Also, some of those nixed covers are amazing! The Dare Devil one in particular is amazing! And relevant to the comic! I wish I could see it in color! What happens to these rejected covers? Do they get sold? Trashed? Look at that Midnight one!

Anyway, there are a lot of little afterwards in the backs of the early comics. A lot of letters from fans with author/editor responses mostly. But now and then they include a behind the scenes with narrative from various levels of Moon Knight creators. My favorites are these ones that show the character of the creators themselves. It also gives us a peak at the process of how a comic is made and the art and skill it takes.

Current comics don’t really include these anymore. You’ll see some fan letters in the backs of some (I’ve been in one! For a Moon Knight of course.), and a few spotlight articles on writers or artists… But you don’t really get the big behind the scenes things anymore. The characters are all established, the readers/fanbase know what they’re in, and there just doesn’t seem to be interest anymore into the creation of the comics.

Which is a pity.

I’d love to see more excerpts like this. Imagine getting an aside from Lemier!Jed Mackay! Smallwood!

What do you think? What afterwards would you like to see in modern day comics?

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Bill Sienkiewicz #Sienkiewicz #Analyzing the comics #I fucking love this

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