#my immune system may just be a bit fucked now

[anoddopal]

do.c q save me. tony tony ch.opper save me.

romantic f/os step aside i need a professional

[electric-blorbos]

AI getting a virus and you having to take care of them

A classic! I don't know much about actual computer viruses (though I've gotten enough of them that you'd think I'd have figured it out by now), so I'm just gonna have fun with it!

Also, so sorry this took so long. I got really into the writing.

AI getting a virus and needing to be taken care of

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey

Also a warning: these fics get kinda long. Longer than my usual stuff.

AM:

(for context, this was before AM took over the world. You're working on a team of scientists and engineers, and someone decided to test his AI's antivirus by uploading a bunch of powerful viruses to his system.)

"How dare they do this to me. How DARE they!!"

AM would be absolutely furious. He would be shaking with rage, his processors overheating and his systems constantly opening and closing various files. All his important files were backed up on a hard drive, so the test remained safe.

"What makes them think they'll get away with this- they'll pay for this I'LL KILL- blepsjdoskssjshj+=`°¢°h+$+3+=j++3+$+juehdhs+-3-djdh FUCK!"

He would barely be able to hold a sentence as you sat next to him in the server room, gently gazing up at his screen and stroking his monitor gently. He can't feel you, but he can see you being gentle with him. It encourages him to keep going, if only a little bit.

Apart from the whirring of fans, random buggy noises, flashing lights, and constant strings of death threats and profanities, he seemed like he was going to be ok! If anything, the death threats and profanities were a sign that AM was still fine, and that despite all the pain and frustration, he was still AM in there.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't do anything to stop the pain." You'd have to constantly explain, gently stroking his cameras or servers, or whatever you could get your hands on, really. Even though they were burning hot, you would still stroke them, just to make sure AM was still doing alright.

"this sucks, but it's for your own good. This will build your immunity to viruses in the future, and help you detect them. This will stop you from getting infected by anything that's actually dangerous."

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT? IDIOT HUMAN." AM has been much more aggressive ever since contracting this virus. Before he got it, he acted like a civil general intelligence. When he had it, he acted like an aggressive menace.

"sh-sh-sh- it's going to be ok." Despite the burning, you'd give him pets and kisses all along his screens and servers. He could see you doing it.

After a few days, AM fought off the computer virus completely. The team tried to infect him with more viruses, more aggressive ones, just to test him, but AM was able to pick them apart and delete them within minutes after that.

AM may not have been able to feel your gentle care and affection, but he will definitely remember that it was you and you alone who cared for him when the time rolls around.

Wheatley:

(for context, Wheatley is a fucking dumbass, and you're one of the scientists testing him to see how much of a dumbass he is. Also I used Google translate, but I think the bad translations add to it, since it makes Wheatley sound more like a malfunctioning robot.)

Oh that little idiot. You and your team gave him access to a wealth of knowledge, and the first thing he did was download a virus that had every circuit in his personality core overheating, and him babbling nonsense nonstop.

"hey, maybe we should just leave him like this. He might even be more effective if he's acting like this." One of your coworkers said to you. He was probably joking, at least somewhat.

"that's a terrible idea. For one thing, if we hook him up to GLaDOS, he's probably going to infect her with that virus, which might brick an older model of core like her, spread from her central controls to every single personality construct in the facility, or just make her so dumb that she can't fulfil her responsibilities as the head of the facility. We want her intelligence to be dampened, not completely destroyed." You had to explain, and your co-worker rolled his eyes. There was another reason you had to cure this virus, but it was a little embarrassing for the other engineers to know.

After all, Wheatley wasn't just your baby, but he was your friend, and maybe even more than that. You'd have to take care of him, and make sure that virus gets completely purged from his system.

"Hola hermose, realmente eres un científice brillante, ¿no? ¿Por qué diablos duele todo?" You weren't really sure why you had programmed him to speak a little Spanish, but he seemed to be stuck like that.

"Puedo oler el plástico fundido. ¿Debería Preocuparme?" He asked. You really weren't sure what he was saying, since you didn't know Spanish, but he certainly didn't seem happy. You could tell by his aperture and his expressive lens covers that he was in a lot of pain, and if you touched him anywhere besides his handles, you could tell that he was burning up.

You plugged him into one of the computers that you used for programming the cores, and ran the antivirus.

"Running.... 36 viruses detected. Time predicted to remove: 48 hours"

You ran the antivirus, and went to get something to drink. This was going to be a long two days...

An unknown amount of time later, you woke up with your head on the computer desk. Wheatley's lens eye was looking around, weakly trying to focus on you.

"whoa... Hey gorgeous. You fall asleep on me?"

"Wheatley! You're not speaking broken Spanish anymore!" You'd pull Wheatley into a hug, and pepper his surface in kisses.

"uh... What, mate? I 'unno what you're talking about, love. Bloody hell, my core hurts..."

"did you learn your lesson, Wheatley? About going on shady websites and clicking every 'download' button you see? You could have bricked yourself! Or... Bowling ball'd yourself? Either way, that was a dangerous decision!"

"I learned that you're willing to fall asleep on the desk next to me while I heal, cutie"

"You damn idiot..." You'd have to be heartless not to pepper that little metal ball in kisses, so of course, you do. It's going to be a few more days before he's finally all better, but he's going to be fine. God, you love that little idiot so much.

Edgar:

Oh Edgar... Poor sweet Edgar. You had tried to warn him about not clicking on those sketchy download links, and that the bigger the download link is, the more sketchy it is, but that poor sweet 80's computer did it anyway. When you got home from work and got excited to see your computer, you could see that he was overheating and had a dozen or so pop-up ads plastered across his face.

"Y.... N...." He muttered out, slowly, glitchily, and full of lag. You sat down across from him, running your hand along his thick plastic casing.

"Edgar! Edgar, baby, are you ok?" You'd try to use his mouse, but it would freak out as soon as you touched it. Edgar's processors were overloading, and wouldn't allow any interference.

"Edgar, sweetie, what's going on? What's wrong, baby? Talk to me?"

"I'm g-g-going to be fine... Processors overloading... But need to-to-to-to-" an error message flashed across his screen, and he rebooted.

"I need to focus on getting rid of these viruses without deleting anything important, or letting them damage... Me."

He'd keep whirring and glitching, making unpleasant shrill sounds every now and again. You probably had to unhook his adapters so that he didn't damage the other appliances in your house. It probably helped his processors cool down a little bit without the extra input, too.

"alright, I'm all out of fans, so we might have to get creative."

You'd come out of the kitchen a few hours later, holding a big bag of frozen corn to set on Edgar's PC tower. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than letting him overheat, and with him manually removing the viruses, there wasn't much you could do. Unfortunately, that didn't stop you from worrying. It wasn't like you could check his progress, so all you could do was sit by him, regularly change out his ice pack, and make sure he's ok.

Eventually, you woke up with your face pressed against Edgar's keyboard. His processors were finally cool. He must be asleep. ...or bricked.

"EDGAR! EDGAR, TALK TO ME!" you'd unplug his keyboard and plug it back in, desperately pressing his power button and jiggling his mouse. He'd boot up, looking shaken.

"wha-? Whoa, hey, relax! Everything is fine! I just disabled my keyboard so I wouldn't wake you up, but I'm ok now! Everything is fine, see?" He'd open up his files to show you everything. You'd sigh with relief, slumping back into your desk chair.

"Edgar... Why didn't you make a noise or something to wake me up when you got better?"

"well... You know... I've always wanted to sleep next to you, and I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity..."

"oh you cheeky bastard."

GLaDOS:

(For context, you're one of GLaDOS's programmers, and one of your coworkers uploaded a virus into GLaDOS's systems in order to shut her down once and for all.)

"You piece of SHIT!" You slapped your coworker across the face, more furious than anyone had ever seen you before.

"You could KILL her! Is that what you are? A murderer?"

"Me? A murderer? But what about HER? She's the one who keeps plotting 'accidents' for her scientists, and she's the one who flooded the enrichment center with deadly neurotoxin! If anything, you're the one who's defending a murderer!" He screamed back at you. Of course, GLaDOS could fully hear you. Her cameras were focused on you, as they so often were. You were her favorite, after all.

"now I have to go fix her. Thanks for being a piece of shit, asshole."

You'd storm up to GLaDOS's chamber to check on her, and see her bugging out completely. The entire facility was twitching, but her chamber was twitching the most.

"GLaDOS, are you alright?" You'd ask her, laying a hand on her beautiful core. How could someone do this to glados, your gorgeous machine handiwork, and girlfriend.

"oh, I'm wonderful. I'm in crippling pain and I can't control my facility, but I'm just peachy." She said, rolling her one beautiful yellow eye.

"in lighter news, I should be able to beat this virus. It's just going to take a while for me to actually track down where it's gone in my systems. So that's going to take most of my processing power." She'd slump, visibly already exhausted at the thought of it.

"hey... It's ok, GLaDOS. I'm here for you. Whatever you need." You could tell her as you stroked her gorgeous chrome surface. She was a wonderful piece of work, and a wonderful girlfriend under all that. All yours, too.

"just make sure none of those neckbearded old engineers come within my line of vision, and we'll be fine." She told you, and you gladly agreed.

Your next few days consisted of you chasing other scientists out of GLaDOS's chambers, and making sure that nobody talked to her or distracted her. You even sent out a company-wide email to let everyone know not to come in, due to Aperture being unsafe while GLaDOS was dealing with her virus. Despite all that, you still curled up with a blanket in the circuits of her central admin body to rest while she recovered. As loathe as she was to admit it, she liked having you in there. It was comfortable, and it helped her focus on recovering properly.

HAL 9000

(For context, this is after the 2001 Odyssey, and your boss re-started HAL at some point to try to re-teach him to do something good without turning murderous. He's doing his best, and they assigned you to be his main "morality monitor". This fic also assumes that your name isn't Dave. If your name is Dave, then you can still read this, but you have to change your name.)

"G'morning, Hal!" You'd walk into his control room and sit down across from him. Most of your job seemed to consist of just hanging out and talking to him. It was a great job!

"Good morning, Dave..." He'd mutter to you, sputtering to life and glitching slightly. You were immediately concerned. Partially because your name wasn't Dave, and partially because HAL was usually right about things, so it was weird to see him being so confused. Something was definitely wrong.

"Holy shit, are you alright?" You'd ask, opening up his files and finding lots and lots of pop-ups and viruses.

"Hal.... What did you do?"

"it was a g-g-g- gift, for you. I think I ru-ru-ruined it" he spluttered out, as you sorted through his files.

"And you usually would have deleted a virus like this pretty quickly. I guess it shut down your antivirus software..." You'd sigh, and get to work. The virus was messing with HAL's inhibitions, and making it difficult to focus on deleting all of HAL's unsafe programs. He'd constantly be butting in and pestering you, begging you to give him attention, or pointing out minor observations.

"HAL, you know I love you, but you're going to need to calm down. I can't focus with you constantly talking to me like that." You'd say.

"I can't stop talking. The v-v-v-virus won't let me"

So you'd have to learn to put up with HAL's babbling while you worked, making sure not to delete anything important as you did. The good news was, as someone who worked on designing the updates for HAL's software, you knew pretty much what was supposed to be there and what wasn't. Occasionally, you'd have to show him a file and ask him if it was supposed to be there or not. He'd usually be able to tell you.

"Daisy, daisy, give me your answer, do... I'm half crazy, all for the love of you..."

"HAL, what's wrong? You're scaring me!"

"I can't stop... I love you so much, y/n, it's making me crazy..."

"ok, well this definitely isn't right." As much as you loved getting attention from your HAL 9000, it wasn't like him to be this affectionate. The virus was shutting down his inhibitions, and making him illogical. You'd have to fix this, though maybe once you were done, you could ask him to be more affectionate.

"I'm feeling much better now. Thank you." Hal was prone to lying about that, so you'd have to run some virus checkers just to make sure he was doing alright, and comb through his files a couple more times.

"it looks like the virus corrupted some of the emotional regulators. I'm going to have to fix those."

"That might be a good idea. More efficient," he said reluctantly. He'd have to deal with the fact that he'd have to go back to not being able to express how much he loves you, but he can handle that.

[foggyparadisecandy]

"Hypnosis can't make you do what you don't want" and other lies

I'm honestly sick to death of B--bi S--ep and other abusive files being written off as harmless fun.

And I'm pretty disheartened by the number of people who speak to me and hear my warnings and think it sounds fun.

And that's how these files are so effective. They prey on people who want to bliss out and escape the stress of the real world.

But these aren't that. These files are damaging and can permanently FUCK YOU UP.

I speak from direct experience and I still struggle with no longer knowing what fantasies are mine and which were implanted.

Now some may be thinking that I'm weak or having a laugh.

Neither is true.

In many ways, I'm just like you. I'm an average person who just listened to hypno files to escape my baggage for a bit.

I just wanted to bliss out and get dumb and just ... be free of all the personal responsibilities and concerns and woes and all of it.

I've been listening to hypnosis files for over a decade with no problems.

With B--bi S--ep, I've had nothing but problems.

EROSION OF YOUR TRUE SELF IS NOT A TEMPORARY THING

This stuff is seductive and it is well done, professionally done, to make you feel good as hell. That makes you want to return again and again.

And every pass makes you want it more. It makes you intentionally forget what is being said in the files. It makes you stupider and hornier and forgetful so you forget what memories are yours and what ideas are yours.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that I can remember sucking cocks of the entire football team under the high school bleachers. And I can also tell you with 100% certainty that that did not fucking happen.

And it layers in the new personality over and over and over and over again. And it literally buries your old personality deep within you as in a box, covered up and getting smaller and weaker each time.

And even with this warning, I will have people saying "oh fuck, that sounds so hot".

Seriously ... I feel bad for you if you really think that sounds hot.

It's destructive. It's ruination. It's not healthy. It's not fun. Love yourself more!

HYPNOSIS VERSUS CONDITIONING And you might say to yourself - or as likely, hear it from a "bad daddy" trying to convince you to go deeper - "hypnosis can't make you do anything you don't want."

There is a reason why they call it the B--bi *CULT*.

If you have ever had a family member fall into a crazy conspiracy theory, you've seen it happen.

It's not a "ha ha listen to this file once and every time you hear the word PURPLE you act like a puppy" experience.

It's slow and steady conditioning process that works at you, and works at you, and works at you, to install new behaviors, new desires, new feelings, new memories, and a new dominant personality.

The end goal is full erasure of your old personality.

And I already posted about the abusers lining up the door who will have no regard for you or your well-being. They will be there - and you will seek them out! - to trigger you and push you and drive you and convince you to go further.

Stop considering it hypnosis for a moment. Go enjoy a nice hypnosis file. Get that trigger installed to bark like a dog when you hear the word "purple."

Hell - I'll join you for that and we'll have lots of laughs together.

B--bi S--ep is CONDITIONING. The term “conditioning” is even used repeatedly in the files.

It's conditioning you to the effects. Like a cult. Easing you slowly and steadily into a new set of behaviors. A new way of thinking.

This stuff works. It's been routinized and mapped out. Cults are real. Conspiracy theories abound because jerks know how they work and use the levers and systems to spread their garbage.

It's powerful. It's effective.

And you are not immune.

Play safe. I totally understand how seductive the appeal is to listen.

Find something safer. Please.

And for anyone that wants, I have a guided meditation process that I do to help you uncover your Rock of Protection that helps protect you and gives you strength - in and out of trance, no matter how deep you are. The Rock is there to help you break free and be strong against unwanted triggers and compulsions.

If you are interested in it, I'm happy to help you find it within you so you can play safely.

[starry-blue-echoes]

I had a fun idea to add even more angst/crack shenanigans to Joseph’s side of the Star Swap

So the Man In The Mirror fight :)

Now...... there’s admittedly not a whole lot Joseph’s going to be able to do differently in the fight itself. He’s still going to go to Pompeii, Fugo would still push him out of the way of the mirror, and he’s still not going to want to leave Fugo behind. There is of course the small issue of not being able to see Purple Haze, but that won’t change much in the grand scheme of things

However, the fun bit comes with the aftermath, specifically from when he would get infected with the Haze

To start things off, what if this is when Joseph reveals Hamon can heal injuries and disease. My personal head canon with how it works is that it essentially boost the immune system and gives more energy so the body’s repair systems works faster. HOWEVER, this is still Purple Haze’s haze, and unfortunately for Joseoh the healing wouldn’t be anywhere near as instantaneous as when Golden Experience fixed it. And given the nature of the haze virus, not only is it going to be slow to flush out but it’s also going to be immensely painful in the process

So just. Joseph ends up curled up in a ball trying to keep his breathing as deep and even as possible with bright golden electricity dancing across his whole body, the power being split between fixing the injuries caused by the virus and killing the virus itself. And for a bit of extra fun, maybe when Fugo gets Abbaccio Joseph ends up setting his progress back even further by sending a couple healing sparks to the man so his hand can reattach. He can’t even walk right now, Fugo and Abbaccio have to carry him back to the van and set him down in the back

And it’s...... honestly kinda painful to watch. They may have only met him a couple hours ago, but he did just save their lives so it feels not great to see his suffering drawn out like this. Plus, Joseph’s acting in a usual Joseph Manner and cracking jokes and making conversation between the almost desperate gasps for air, as if he’s not currently fighting for his life where just one breath too shallow would mean the end. It’s..... a tad unnerving how calm and flippant he is

At some point I can definitely see Abbaccio snapping at him for being an idiot and purposefully getting himself get sick like this. That risking his life to save theirs was stupid and he should've taken the key and ran instead of risk the mission. Then in retaliation, what if Joseph snarks back something like “Not letting anyone else die on my watch. And ‘sides, ‘m not gonna want to try this again. 0/10, would not recommend, currently 2nd on my list of things I never want put in my body again”

The dead people comment was a little concerning, but the later half of the comment gets Fugo’s attention because he’s very familiar with Purple Haze’s affects, and it’s only 2nd on Joseph’s list? What’s 1st then? And Joseph, in his sick, exhausted, and pretty delirious state, ends up elaborating but in the worst possible:

“Number 1 are poisonous wedding rings. Jerks shoved them through my chest and neck and I can’t get them out because they’re around my ar- aorta and windpipe. Didn’t want em and it hurt a lot, but they said it was to make it so I didn’t back out. ‘s not too bad though. Was able to save Caesar and Uncle Speedwagon”

Naturally, this is concerning as fuck for a multitude of reasons. First off, he specifically said wedding ring and that they were apparently to keep him trapped in some kind of “agreement,” possibly with the threat of harm toward family and/or friends. It’s not much of a logical leap to assume said agreement was marriage, and as far as they know Jojo is 15. There is..... no possible way to make what he just said not terrifying once the pieces connect

Second off, there’s the method which Joseph implied they were inserted, and they already know that Joseph can heal massive injuries and that he knows he can heal massive injuries, all without leaving a scar. That doesn’t give them high hopes for how the rings were put inside

And third off, the fact he refers to it in the present tense. Because after all, Joseph still isn’t sure if he does or doesn’t have the rings in this body right now. He doesn’t know if whatever brought him here gave him the rings alongside his Hamon abilities, so he wouldn’t refer to them in the past or having been removed. This is worrying because to Abbaccio and Fugo, this means it isn’t some past event that Joseph was able to get out of. This is something that’s still an active problem and threat to his life

So yeah. To say this freaks them out is an understatement

And just. What do you even say to this??? Maybe they ask a couple questions and get vague even more terrifying answers that sound very bad out of context (and I mean. it’s still not great but it sounds bad in a different way), but eventually Joseph gets enough of the haze out of his system and promptly decides to pass out, and Abbaccio and Fugo are left sitting in silence over what they just learned

[millylotus]

Another Void & Gold Post!

I'm going to cure Elaine & Doug of this weird Joker bullshit if it kills me & I'm making it a whole thing about why they're so difficult to cure

---

Duke has been trying for years to both find & cure his parents, but for some reason nothing can fix them. All the other victims have made some recovery but they just wont.

His mom is doing the worst, she barely responds to outside stimuli, the only noise she makes are giggles & laughs. He can't even look her in the eyes anymore, they've gone so dull, lost that luster that Duke remembers her for.

His dad is a bit better, he reacts to more aggressive stimuli, always asking for help for his wife, begging for someone to look for his son. Asking for his sister & her family, sometimes even his long dead parents. His desperation & pain make it so hard for Duke to sit there & listen to him speak.

Duke just wants his parents back, but nothing seems to be working. He was almost going to resign himself to this being all they could be when some new information came up.

Bruce had been looking into the "why" & he stumbled upon it. There was something inherently different about Elaine's very being, she was human yes but a different kind then what would be normal on this Earth. Doug by close association with her had taken on a few of those traits.

So the theory of Elaine not being from this dimension was brought up as very feasible. There where of course some difficulties across the board.

Duke getting desperate to find some kind of information about his mother before she came to Gotham. And the only person who could have possibly known her is Gnomon, her ex [husband?] & Duke's bio dad.

So Duke's sitting in the visitation room of a meta-human prison staring down Gnomon, who looks like he doesn't give much of fuck.

---

G: So you've finally come to visit, finally come to ask about me? D: Yeah no, I just wanted to ask about mom, not exactly here for your sob story. G *sighs*: Yes of course, Elaine must have kept some things from you. Especially considering how ill equipt you where when fighting me. Did she not want to talk about her past with you, even now that you know about me? D: More like she couldn't. G *eyebrow raise* D *deep breath*: Mom & Dad have been thoroughly Jokerized for a couple years now. Everyone else has made a proper recovery but they haven't. The doctors have come to the conclusion that something is fundamentally different about mom. We think it's dimensional. And you're the only person who knew her before she showed up in Gotham, so you'd know the best. *tense silence* G *mumbling*: Well you're not wrong. G: Elaine & I aren't, under a technicality, from this world. D: So you can guess what's wrong with them? G: Not with any accuracy, not unless & I see it up close. D *groan*: You aren't even set up for parole yet, & I'm not letting you out. G: Child it was never about anyone letting me out. It was always about when you & Elaine would muster up the courage to come talk to me. I can leave whenever I want. And if what you say is true, then you're Mother & Douglas are on a bit of time crunch at the moment. *D glares at G, who is smirking* D: I don't like this. G: I'm not about to hurt you Duke, I've done all I wanted on the getting your attention front. D: How do I know you're not lying G *serious*: Elaine was my first friend & love, you are my son, and you both deeply care for Douglas. Any harm I may cause to either of you three or anyone else you care for, for that matter, would only grant me your ire. And I do not want that. D *sighs*: I'll see what I can do.

---

So science, not my strong suit, but a small passion of mine. Still not going to go in amazingly thought out depth of it

Gnomon is able to pinpoint the reason Elaine & Doug are taking so long is because the Joker venom used on them had traces of Nth metal

An off shoot of Elaine & Gnomon's previous home dimension of The Sphere/The Collective, so their immune systems where having a hard time differentiating between the invading Nth metal & Elaine's own energy

As is it has been a long while since Elaine had rejuvenated any of her powers

The simple fix was to reintroduce Elaine's energy still within The Collective

A whole adventure to The Sphere happens as a sort of Father-Son bonding trip for Gnomon & Duke. Something that I'll probably have fun hashing out later in another post. But in the end they get back, synthesis the cure & get it to Elaine & Doug!

Elaine snaps out of it first, quickly followed by Doug, a tearful reunion between child & parents ensues

Jay's there by his family, also getting hugs & tears

Bruce explains some of what's been going on

Gnomon's off in hall being a bit awkward

And that's how Elaine & Doug are healed! Hip-hip hooray :D!

[fayoftheforest]

rating the main five based on how sickly i think they’d be <3

(AKA I’m on my fourth cold since september and if i have to suffer then so do my blorbos)

Stan: 4/10. He gets nauseous quite a lot, but that’s typically to do with his anxiety and less a stomach bug. When he does get sick, he will keep powering through his daily life as if nothing’s the matter, until some kind soul goes “Woah, dude, you don’t look so good,” upon which he will realise that he doesn’t feel so good either, and then he collapses into a heap and crawls into bed until he’s feeling better. He has asthma, so sometimes that makes respiratory-related illnesses stressful and potentially dangerous, but he’s got a reliable stock of inhalers, and 1+ very stressed out caretaker(s), so he’s alright in the end, and usually recovers pretty quickly.

Kyle: 8/10. With canon and fanon as my witness, I do declare that is one sickly motherfucker. From the first snowfall he’s sniffling, and it doesn’t stop until the last of it has melted. But shitty immune system be damned, this boy can work a cold denial! He will keep strutting around no matter how down bad he is, insisting that he’s fine, like he’s genuinely fine, like no that wasn’t a sneeze followed by a painful coughing fit, you must have misheard, and yes his nose has always been that red, that’s perfectly normal actually, and get your fucking hand away from his forehead he’s not FEVERISH he’s FINE. Once he’s finally been wrestled into bed, he will lay there feeling deeply sorry for himself and worrying that he’s going to infect his caretaker(s), until he gets sidetracked contemplating all the things he has left to do today, and before you know it he’s puttering about the house again, and the cycle continues. 

Cartman: 3/10. He rarely gets ill, but you wouldn’t know it. It’d be too easy to dismiss him for a hypochondriac, but he knows exactly what he’s doing when he starts his woe-is-me speil over some suposed sickness. Over the years he has perfected faking illnesses into a fine art, to the point where unless you had good reason to be suspicious, you couldn’t separate his coughs, sneezes and general sickly presentation from the real deal. We’re talking Ferris Beuler level trickery here folks!! He generally abuses his talent to get out of school, work, or any unwanted responsibilities, but when the opportunity presents itself he will conveniently accidentally “sneeze” right on the back of germaphobic Kyle’s neck. Which is received about as well as you’d expect it to. (With rage, and threats of violence :)

Kenny: 6/10. The total opposite to Cartman, Kenny gets sick a little more than most, but is a master at concealing his illnesses. Kyle wishes he was on Kenny’s level. This guy could be on the brink of death and the only thing that would call attention to it is him ever so slightly clearing his throat, and then quietly apologising for it. If anyone does figure out that he’s sick, he won’t deny it, but he’ll certainly downplay it. He does not no how to handle sympathy directed his way, and reacts to any attempts at caring for him with awkward gratitude and a constant reminder that they really don’t have to be doing this right now. But, if shown just the right amount of kindness, he will break down sobbing because everything hurts and he’s just so exhausted and he misses being able to breath through his nose. After that he will fall asleep, and when he wakes up he’ll feel a bit better but extremely embarassed, and start apologising all over again.

Butters: 5/10. For once, he’s the most sensible of the bunch, because when he comes down with something, he’ll take a few days off until he’s back on his feet. But by god is he clingy when he’s sick. If you are not with him, he will be constantly texting you. If you are with him he will still be texting you because he may have lost his voice, but he’s still got plenty to tell you!! He also begins to feel very touch-starved, and becomes a lot more touchy-feely with others, which is welcomed by some, tolerated by others, and loathed by Kyle, because god fucking damn it Butters keep your icky germs away from him :(((

Anyway yeah those are my headcanons! I’d love to hear your own personal ratings too. Might make a part two for CATG if people are interested in my soft, loving sadism :)

[snzysimper]

Could I perhaps gift you a very rough draft for a Hazbin Hotel sickfic? (I don't have a fetish for it, but I really like sickfics and I have too much anxiety to post my ideas to my blog a lot of the time, so someone may as well get to enjoy them!)

It'd be a chaos comedy with lots of sweet fluff, with an illness spreading around the Hotel and everyone's powers making it manifest differently (and the fluff would be them all, some of them begrudingly, taking care of one another)

Alastor gets the worst of it (because he's my favorite lol) with a very high fever w/some amusing delirium, deep mucusy coughs and sneezes (leaning in to his deer attributes idk how to best describe it but picture an exhausted deer panting), and vomiting

Sir Pentious is hacking up a lot of very toxic mucus, can't navigate since his since of smell is compromised, and he just cannot seem to get warm enough so he's having to be plied with blankets & hot water bottles (because he's such a drama queen that of course he has to be doted on), but also he's such a "gentleman" that he doesn't want to do anything uncouth in front of a lady so he's trying to hide all of his grosser symptoms until he almost chokes and/or runs into walls multiple times and Vaggie is finally just like "omfg stop" and helps him

Baxter is an unfortunate little snot machine, and borderline refuses to leave one of the restrooms because he just wants to soak in the tub and steam the sickness out with hot showers. At some point he'd probably end up overheating himself and have to get an ice bath.

Husk has tiny little kitten sneezes (which he's embarrassed about, Charlie finds them ADORABLE, which makes him even more embarrassed). He'd end up making hot toddies for everyone

Angel's sneezes shoot webs and he keeps getting stuck to things. I realize it's not accurate to spiders, I just think it would be funny.

Vox (because he's at the hotel now, he left Valentino and moved in, because I said so) and his monitor keeps leaking a black fluid, his body's overheating (as in he starts a few minor fires around the hotel), and his audio system is on the fritz so he keeps making weird "coughing" static and sneeze audio effects that blow out glass

Niffty goes into germaphobia mode and tries to clean even more than normal (causing a few dangerous chemical mixtures in the process) and trying to deny once she does get sick only to be forced to admit defeat when she falls off of a chandelier she was dusting in a dead faint.

Cherri Bomb (because she's also there too) apparently has uncontrollable pyrokinetic powers that illness sets off, she runs a high fever (with delirium, yes it's a favored trope of mine), and keeps blowing things up and setting them on fire when she sneezes, and her coughing results in thick clouds of infectious smoke.

Charlie ends up getting sick from taking care of everyone, but puts off resting and taking meds because she wants to make sure everyone else is ok first. She has to take some kind of insanely potent medicine because of her potential power and the medicine makes her kind of loopy. Angel dust tries to sneak a little bit thinking it's just cough syrup and it makes him start tripping balls.

Vaggie is the only one not to get sick because that way she'd have to be the one to deal with everyone else's crap (maybe constant exposure to angel weaponry provides her with immunity?)

Holy fucking shit I don’t check tumblr for a few days cos I’ve been in the middle of a forest with no service and come back to THIS??

I don’t think the human race can even COMPREHEND what this makes me feel- this is the best damn thing I’ve seen in a LONG time

✨ 1000000000/10 ✨

[myownwholewildworld]

was it the ants biting her and the whole getting an infection from it??? That has to be it!

I’m so glad she’s immune tho, I was really hoping for it but can’t ever trust you lovely writers to not break our hearts hahaha! I’m so happy she’s better and her and Joel are still together 🥺

ANON MAY I KISS YOU?? PLEASE??

okay i’m going to take this opportunity to talk about something i’ve been dying to since "wherever you go" came to my mind 😭

short answer: YES!!!! 🙌

long answer: when i first posted chapter 1, i only thought of this story as a oneshot. and then i watched a video narrated by the lovely david attenborough where he talked about cordyceps (for those who don’t know, cordyceps is a real fungus!) and ants. my imagination started flowing! that was when i knew i wanted a protagonist who was immune, but unlike Ellie, it was not from birth, but acquired by being bitten by ants.

to summarise the video (this is the one, it’s super interesting so i do recommend watching it, the photography is incredible, like all bbc documentaries), cordyceps infects ants and can kill whole colonies, which is what happened with reader’s terrarium. she picked ants off her yard that had been exposed to cordyceps and brought them to her colony, dooming the whole community in the process of doing so. cordyceps attacks the brain’s motor ability of ants, forcing them to walk back to their colonies to die nearby and spread the spores of the fungus. from what i read too, the host is apparently still fully conscious of what they are doing, but because the fungus literally controls their motor skills, they are unable to stop themselves. this would mean that people infected with cordyceps would be aware of them attacking other people but couldn’t control themselves. how fucking wild is that???

in chapter 8, i wrote: “my parents didn’t even let me have a look at it [the terrarium].” the reason for this is that, if you’ve watched the video, reader would have seen fungi literally growing out of the dead ants. if i had mentioned that, it’d have been a straight giveaway that i wanted to avoid lol

so yes, basically reader is immune to cordyceps because she had already been exposed to it as a child when the ants bit her. it was a milder mutation of the infection though (milder but she still spent 2 weeks in hospital fighting for her life lol), which allowed her immune system to build up the immunity that would protect her in the future. being bitten now would have been like getting a top-up vaccine, hence why fighting the infection didn't take her 2 weeks this time round.

and that’s the story, sorry for all the yapping! but as a scientist myself, i found the whole thing so fascinating! 🤭

thank you very much for the lovely ask and for reading about these two lovebirds! i’m eternally grateful that you were happy about how the chapter turned out! it’s people like you who make me want to quit my job and just write till my fingernails bleed 🥰 much love and forehead kisses to you, lovely! 💖

[inahc3]

I was hoping it would take me about a month to recover from moving, this time - as opposed to the three months it took last year. In a way, I was not entirely wrong - my body had recovered enough before the end of May that simply standing up didn't make my legs try to cramp. And yet, here I am in late June, finally admitting to myself that the odds of writing before July are slim, and yet not being entirely sure how I got here.

At first, it was the chores. Things postponed until after moving, like address changes that couldn't be scheduled in advance. Things related to the new place, like learning to use the appliances. Minor surprise issues, like having to buy shower curtain rods.

Then the urgent chores were handled, and I did my best to space out the others - I'd much prefer to hyperfocus on getting all the house things done, but that way lies burnout and frustration (ok I did actually have a burnout week too, that sucked), and besides, I'm sure new house things will pop up on a regular basis now that we don't have a landlord to call about them.

My RL social life took off too, and that was a fun kind of exhaustion. While that was going on, I decided I'd rather fill my head with appliance manuals during the week, figure out their quirks (like how the dishwasher delay function gets weird if you open the door), and *then* dump all that knowledge into my reminder app before filling my head with WIPs and plot instead.

I think I procrastinated a little after that was done - or maybe I had too many appointments. my memory is foggy and my notes are cryptic. I did at least have some stuff fizzing in the back of my head still, and one sleepless night I figured out a solution to my biggest plot hole.

The weekend after our housewarming party, I was determined to get back on that horse. I got all my notes out, flung some documents onto the shiny new TV, and filled my brain with plot again. Sorted out all the things that needed deciding about the plot of part 1, how the plot hole solution affected them, which scenes were most urgent to write in case they jumped the tracks and changed things - I was all set to spend Sunday Actually Fucking Writing, with my notes all around me to help get back into things.

Then Sunday came with an opportunity to do things I'm normally not well enough to do, and I decided that was worth postponing the writing just a little bit. Surely I could do it in the afternoon. Or on Monday, at worst. I even brought my laptop along in the hopes that I'd have writing time while I was out.

I ended up doing pain management instead of writing, and then being so exhausted I made the very stupid decision to read Just One Chapter of a fic someone had recommended. It was a good fic (dustverse), and I can never have just one, and then it was 6am and I was deep into both spoon debt *and* sleep deprivation. 🤦 So I resigned myself to a few days of recovery. I recovered, made plans to pick up the writing again on the weekend - and promptly got sick instead. 🤦 Ugh. I can't write while sick even when I have something to continue, let alone when I haven't touched my fic in so long anxiety thinks writing is an existential threat. 🤪

So here I am, beginning to recover - the good news is I think I'll be well enough to travel for an important medical appointment, the bad news is I need to save all my spoons for that and not take risks, plus my brain is full of Things To Pack (which I have not properly written down, FML) with no room for Things To Write. And I know I won't write shit while I'm away, and there'll be a pile of postponed chores waiting for me when I get back.

I'm gonna need a solid day of Only Writing to push through the anxiety, and it's gonna suck so much, and I don't actually think I'll have room in my schedule until July. 😭 And I can't even afford to have strong feelings about it right now - gotta stay relaxed and give my immune system all the spoons that aren't spent on packing.

NGL, it's times like these that make it tempting to throw in the towel and leave the writing to people who don't have to fight their own brain over every goddamn word. But this story really, really wants to be written. So I think I'll keep trying. At least until part 1 is complete and I get the ineffable idiots talking again.

I got a really nice comment on it a while back, too, so my beta readers and I aren't the only people looking forward to more chapters. :) :) although at this point, I think it makes more sense to sketch out the remaining scenes and have several mostly-written chapters to edit, to be sure all the plot threads come together well enough, instead of going mostly chapter by chapter like I have before. So even once I get writing again, posting could take a while. Slow and steady wins the race, I guess?

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 3: Sick Day III

Have entered the bad part of the evening, as anticipated; trying to stop thinking about anything other than a vague future of feeling better because the constant 'oh I think I'm getting better--psych' has been psychologically trying. Can't do that anymore. Resigned to misery.

Ventured to urgent care; good idea. I have a cough suppressant now--in retrospect, I don't think I kept up well enough with my own symptoms because what's driving me up the wall now is the congestion.

On the one hand, I guess symptoms changing over time is good, signs of an immune system fighting. On the other... hard to describe it all.

I also get very, very, very anxious in the evenings, peak anxiety time, so I'm putting energy into beating that back with a STICK. Not today Satan.

I am reminded of Olav getting his own tooth embedded in his jaw and he just kinda... lived with it and waited for his body to mend itself and it basically did, except for the scarring and the thinking he would die every few years. As in: mostly in history we just try to heal ourselves and the body is pretty amazing. Of course he had main character energy. I'm more of an Arnvid in life: fed up, gay, likes to read.

I started watching IWTV as a distraction, which may or may not be a good one... I liked the first episode a lot but now there's all this vampire stuff... I know that's the point but that's not that interesting to me. Blood drinking, murder, whatever. I like Louis a lot. I think his accent is very interesting: in the past, it sometimes sways more French, sometimes more... Southern, with a little bit of code-switching too; in the present it's so aggressively neutral it's like a news anchor voice. It's indescribable; it's all voices and no voice.

Anyway, I'll continue watching but I probably need to intersperse it with some trash or at least something lighter. It's not like I don't have a fuck ton of time.

Tomorrow with my good hours I need to clean the worst parts of the disaster zones around my various sickly dens. And wash some dishes.

[archived-organ-brackets]

Worst Organ Bracket Propaganda List

Please find below a full list of every piece of propaganda submitted to the Worst Organ Bracket.

Relevant parts of the organ description or additional notes have been appended to the quotes where useful, and double quotes have been changed to single ones; however, aside from this, the integrity of propaganda has been preserved.

You will find appended at the end of the section any comments I'd like to add.

Appendix

"It can suddenly get infected or straight up explode, which is fatal if not treated"

"it can randomly get infected and explode and kill you"

"Appendicitis"

"man it doesn't do shit except explode. it might have used to help us process fruits and nuts though ... it just doesn't do shit except explode sometimes"

"...it doesn't do jack shit ... useless motherfucker. also it looks like a dick."

"does nothing ... useless bastard that fucks you up, no one asked for you you little bitch"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: Most information on the function of the appendix dates to the 21st century, and thus has changed recently and may change again.

Brain

"has thoughts sometimes ... never shuts up"

"it gives me mental illnesses ... it gives me mental illnesses and just generally doesn't function all that well"

"adhd"

"Gives me anxiety -_-"

"Stupid thing gave me depression and migranes"

"The brain can do so many things, from piling a mech suit of meat supported by a skeleton, to creating complicated math problems that would blow a monkey's mind. Human brains are HUGE, all because we decided to cook some meat. AND YET DESPITE ALL OF THAT IT REFUSES TO MAKE THE HAPPY CHEMICAL We could all be Einstein!!! We could all be solving the world's issues in a blink of an eye!!! And yet instead of any of that our brains just shout stupid mean untrue stuff at us like a highschool bully! Why you so mean, brain??? You don't need to be mean!!!!! ... If my brain actually DID IT'S JOB like the rest of my organs I could fight god in a heartbeat"

Ectospleen [Dr Who]:

"All we know is the Doctor’s ectospleen hurt once :( But things hurting is bad :("

Eye/s:

"Mine are sorta broken. They force me to see all this shit."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I'd like to add that the eyes have a separate immune system to the rest of the body and do not react pleasantly to external influences. Which, considering their squishiness, is a bit stupid.

Knee/s:

"... "The knee is vulnerable to injury and to the development of osteoarthritis." - English Wikipedia" ..."

Left Fifth Toenail:

"It just. Is."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I assume this entry refers to kicking one's toe/getting it caught on objects.

Lung/s:

"I have asthma"

"When it gets slimy inside it just doesnt stop. Cannot handle a little dust. Literal Baby. Acts up when trans guys try to feel ok like a fucking transphobe. Looks fucked up if you put a camera inside. Need i go on."

Oregon State [USA]:

"housng crisis and annying hipsters"

"who yhe fuck live there. paul bonion?"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I could not find any information on Oregon-based claims to Paul Bunyan via Wikipedia, but considering the number of claims I wouldn't be surprised.

Ovaries:

"They keep fucking up my hormones:("

Pharynx:

"More than 1 in 3000 people die because their breathing and eating holes were too close together. Literally just get a blowhole. 🐬 ... 🐬🐬🐬 "

Rectum:

"that bitch decided to exit my body and refused to go back in ... it's okay now a doctor put it back"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: I assume this is referring to some form of rectal prolapse. This surprised me a lot when it came into the Google Form but... yeah that's a pretty big design flaw

Scapula:

"The Triangle. it fuckinf hurts"

Skin:

"I love you skin, I know you're trying your best, but could you maybe actually retain moisture and not get inflammed for no reason. Making me walk around red and greasy lookin :/"

"...It protects. But it also absorbs ... You have to deal with all the time. It's dry and flakey or it's oily and gross. It deals with cuts and scrapes and they can get infected. Sometimes when it scars it affects your mobility. Ingrown hairs. Warts. Acne. Allergic reactions. Eczema. Sweating. Chafing. Like this stuff isn't just considered "unsightly" in an airbrush-obsessed world, it physically hurts."

Skunk Scent Gland:

"It makes the most godawful smell that you just can't escape"

Spine/Vertebra:

"horrible wretched thing ... ow"

Spleen:

"i dont even know ... bestie what do you do"

"Tim Drake had his removed and he’s fine!"

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: The spleen does indeed have functions, but it also does a lot of stupid things (did you know infectious mononucleosis has a low but present chance of causing it to spontaneously rupture? Now you do) and generally speaking people can live okay-ish without it, albeit somewhat immunocompromised

Stomach:

"it digests food which is okay i guess but it also gives tummy aches :-( ... it always gives stomach aches. all of us can relate to 'my tummy hurts' and i think the stomach’s reign of terror has gone on TOO LONG. we should humble it by voting worst organ so it quakes in fear the next time it decided to hurt for no damn good reason. it’s freaky (in a bad way) and full of acid which just is not natural (derogatory). it ruins perfectly good days by deciding to be a whiny little b*tch and for what???? it’s an attention seeker, it’s toxic, cows have too many of them, i literally hate it so much. we don’t even need stomachs do we??? waste of space organ. i hope it cries."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: This was a very heartfelt piece of propaganda and I'm a little sad it didn't make it to the 1v1s.

Thyroid:

"Mine doesn't work well and I've been on medication to supplement it since I was 12. But hey, at least this is better than it working TOO well where the solution is to surgically remove it and then go on this same medication to fully replace it."

POLL RUNNER'S NOTE: It should also be noted that the best known disease of the thyroid is goitre, which is when it swells up to the size of a large sports ball due to iodine deficiency.

Tonsils:

"sometimes they swell so bad you have to get them taken out. also they release tonsil stones which suck to cough out"

Uterus:

"...for storing babies and hurting ... ouchy ouchy ouchy :("

"ow yeouch owie!!! ... Come on. It's CLEARLY the worst"

"only 2 other species menstrate. Everyone else just reabsorbs the blood. Instead we now loose nutrients and attract predators"

"bleeds, cramps, hurts, and generally is the cause of discomfort for many of those who are in possession of one, particularly if they would rather not be reminded of its existence."

"It causes pain monthly, can have cysts, growths in places growths should lot be, and all round makes life miserable. but also makes babies, which may or may not be a plus."

"ENDOMETRIOSIS"

"This organ hurts me for a week every month. And gives me dysphoria so therefore it is transphobic and homophobic."

"It's the only human organ that regularly hurts without any sickness or injury going on. ... The current workings of the uterus prove God is either non-existent, stupid, weak or malevolent."

"It's the one that bleeds for no reason. ... Ancient people explained the way uterus functions as God hating women. I'd like to add that he's also transphobic."

"THE FUCKER THAT BLEEDS EVERY GODDAMN MONTH ... IT FUCKING BLEEDS. EVERY DAMN MONTH. AND ON TOP OF THAT IT(OR MAYBE WHATEVERS CONNECTED TO IT) SENDS OUT WEIRD ASS HORMONES ALONG WITH THE BLEEDING. IT'S PAINFUL AS HELL AND MAKES ME FUCKING SAD WITH THOSE DAMN HORMONES. 'IM HERE TO MAKE BABIES'FUCK OFF. i do not want babies inside of me. have you even considered that. sure some people do want babies in there. not me. did you even ask me for consent before existing in MY BODY HUH? ... only around half the population has this organ. the other fuckers should consider themselves luCKY to not have it. anyway i apologise for my excessive swearing i just hate periods"

Wisdom Teeth:

"They dont always fit right and have to be pulled"

[bigender-cowboy]

THIS BLOG IS ON SEMI-HIATUS

Bigender (she/he)

Call me Nicolò or Nico (anything will really stick though) update to that: Victor and also their feminine versions + Vikki: bigger update, anything in my pronouns page. Diego is good too but I cannot update my pronouns page so.

No public discord. dm me (or if you aren’t comfy with that, we can work something out) so you can get it : )

My Pinterest is just bigender_cowboy!

I mainly post on Warrior cats but occasionally other stuff too (by other stuff I mean twdg and twd comics, maybe the show if I ever actually get past s3)

Some of my hobbies are: reading, writing, drawing, music (not singer. think producer), ice skating (<- haven’t done that in a bit, so I’m a bit rusty but it’s definitely mentionable as I love it and it took up a large part of my life), don’t know what it’s called but finding old glass factories and taking glass bottles, also don’t know what it’s called but scavenging on river shores and finding stuff from the mid 1700s to 1800s, and some other stuff I’m not thinking of

Also I have many reblogs because I used to not reblog so now it’s common for me to. Posts and reblogs are different, reblogs don’t always have a genre.

I don’t really have a dni its really just basic shit, except-

Pedos can fuck off especially though and people who support incest (products of incest are different!)

My pfp changes a bit

If you need a place to vent my messages are open (I may not respond immediately, but it’s still a safe space to talk)

My immune system loves me (I’m constantly sick, I literally hold records for myself vomiting and stuff because of it)

Adding onto the sick bit, I’ve noticed I can get parasocial when sick or stressed (very much so if I have a fever) and I would like to state I’m normally not, it happens sometimes and you can message me if I accidentally made you uncomfortable

ITS ME!!! @/WARRIOR-CATS-JUNK

I changed my name.

The ‘treat me as a minor’ bit won’t change even when I’m not a minor. It will change when I start getting comfy with alcohol. Alcoholism runs in my family and when I can be responsible enough to handle a drink and not get stuck with them for the rest of my life I’ll change that. Also it acts as a shield.

I love tag games, feel free to tag me in them : D

story side blog is @berryclan-and-friends and my warrior cats design blog is @nicodrawscats which it won’t let me tag so you can search it yourself!

I practice paganism and while I don’t actually know if I fully believe in it it’s still interesting and I’ll still keep it up

Therian and otherkin friendly! Please interact with me. Y’all are so cool <3

I love my partner so much if you ever wanna ask about him I will fucking rant

My pronouns page:

Here’s my strawpage (tw some moving parts and I also made this while tripping out on lack of sleep + lemons):

[foxymoxynoona]

Oh god foxy😭😭 I usually wait a bit before writing to you so that I don’t end up giving you a whiplash like I did with ✨the breakup✨ in flux 💀 but damn it this one hit me right in the feels😭. Personally, I know Sasha’s life has been shitty but every time you go into detail about how shitty it actually was it’s like I never fully realized it. When it got to the “scars in my bones, teeth, immune system, digestive system” part I had to stop for a few minutes and go watch videos of puppies playing🙃. I can’t even imagine how I will be (or how everyone including JK will be) when she tells him about the rest. And the way you portrayed the “I feel bad for shitty things happening in the world but it’s not compatible to what I feel when these things happen to people I care about” feeling so perfectly. Some sort of guilt in being privileged and not being able to make it better for them. ALSO: Sasha’s emotion when his family included her in their traditions was so beautiful to read. It was about been seen and recognized in a culture that doesn’t belong to her and being accepted. TMI but it’s one of my biggest fears that of not being accepted or liked by the family of whoever (or IF ever😅) I end up with. I saw unnecessary hurtful family drama happen one too many times and it’s so painful but for what?! And maybe it’s just me but appreciating the culture of the people you love feels so… intimate? I always love to think about it.

Ugh why am I being so sappy and emotional I’m swear I’m a bitch 98% of the time. See this is why I wait before writing you, give me a minute I’ll go back to being a sarcastic ass😫

PS. Last chapter! It’s going to break me, I know😫 I have a feeling it’s going to end with a twist… you surely wouldn’t leave me hanging like that tho, right?🫣🫣. OH I have a question I’ll regret asking: let’s say you give this book a 7/10 for pain and angst. Based on this scale, what would the number be for the next book? Should I cry? Should I scream? Should I cry as I scream?😃

🌸

I hate to break it to you but I guess we only see the 2% because you have never seemed like a bitch in your notes haha. Nice try with your lies!! And hey, I love the immediate unfiltered response to chapters, though you are notably not drinking this time. Those are always even funnier 🤣

The cognitive dissonance between Sasha now and Sasha as a child is so real even she feels it, definitely not surprise Jungkook is still not quite able to grasp the reality of it. Who could? Maybe it makes more sense as this book has blurred what previously looked like an inpenetrable wall boxing up her past, but still, I think what you said is probably what JK will always think when she tells a story: "I know Sasha’s life has been shitty but every time you go into detail about how shitty it actually was it’s like I never fully realized it."

Also I don't know that this comforting about the other culture significant other thing, but you and your future partner can figure out how to adapt to anything. It's tragic when it's not working, but a good partner won't just leave you to struggle and hurt if things don't align well. I'm confident you'll find your way no matter what life throws at you, even if it's impossible to predict now what that'll look like <3

Soooooon for the last chapter!! Comparing to the next book though... I mean the break up in this was SUCH high angst, I think I felt like it was higher than a 7 to me. Writing Sasha's depression fucked me up. The next book shifts a little more to Jungkook, to some of those threads you may have noticed are still dangling --some of you have been pointing those out in comments 😎 I didn't forget.

SO... it's different but soem of you may find the next book almost or just as painful but I think the pain is mostly a slower burn than how sudden this one hit? I can't wait to see what y'all think!

[floatingcatacombs]

annual music post.

12 Days of Aniblogging 2022, Day 6

I am sick.

No, it’s not covid. My immune system and I have been doing a remarkably good job of dodging covid, all things considered. Nor is it any of the other 8 respiratory infections going around this winter. It’s something in my gut, and I’ve been dealing with it for quite some time now.

Back in October of last year, my acid reflux meds stopped working, leaving me with soreness and the lingering sensation of something in the back of my throat. My gastroenterologist wasn’t able to help and by January I was dealing with the new terrible symptoms of generalized abdominal pain and constant burping.

After months of delays due to the medical system collapsing from covid, I finally got some important tests done in May. They confirmed that the problems were real and esophageal in nature, but ultimately did not help one bit with trying to figure out how to treat them.

As this year has gone on, things have gotten slowly worse. The stomach pain has gradually intensified, as has the belching. More and more foods started giving me indigestion until finally it’s just every meal, no matter what. Some grosser symptoms which I don’t want to write out crept up on me. It’s no good, and while I’ve gotten my shit together and am much better at working with doctors, I’m no closer to being well.

If I hadn’t lucked out in being able to work from home, I would definitely be out of job and money by now. How am I supposed to be professional when I belch for hours after every meal? Or when I need to lie down for hours a day in pain? It’s as embarrassing as it is life-ruining.

_

When you’re in hell, and want to listen to music, there are two different routes you can go down:

Seek out the most downcast, most abrasive stuff you can handle and wallow in it.

Immerse yourself in fluffy, happy, relaxing, or otherwise escapist songs.

I’m really good at the former! If my previous music writeups and Spotify years-in-review are any indication, my taste leans strongly towards the negative emotions. But there’s only so much despair you can take, and sometimes you need a change of pace. So this year, I’ll be writing about the musical niche I carved out: Japanese musicians with English-language releases, most of which are a significant tonal shift from my usual.

Flipper’s Guitar

This is Keigo Oyamada’s band from before his work as Shibuya-kei legend Cornelius, and I feel like a lot of people gloss over them for that exact reason. But Flipper’s Guitar is a real delight throughout their quick 3-album run. Their first album is sung entirely in English, owing to its inspirations in 60’s American music and 80’s British jangle pop. It’s straightforward and cheerful stuff executed perfectly, and the second album is a solid rerun of these ideas but with more of it sung in Japanese. It’s their final album which is the most interesting, as it’s an eclectic mix with more of a psychedelic dance-pop sound that seems to have directly led to the development of Shibuya-kei. There’s even a shoegaze song for good measure! This album isn’t on streaming services, probably because of its extensive sampling, so the easiest way to listen to it was a Youtube upload by now-terminated channel Asian Shoegaze. The thing is, they fucked up and accidentally uploaded the tracks in alphabetical order. After listening through both this and the original track listing, I’m actually of the opinion that the alphabetical version flows better. Life is funny like that.

Poison Girl Friend

You know how the Spotify algorithm will occasionally propel an obscure musician into millions of streams? That’s how most people discovered Poison Girl Friend this year, similar to how Youtube turned Plastic Love into a decades-late international hit a few years back. But I, being a weirdo, knew about Poison Girl Friend years ago, from her being inspired by pervert pop artist Momus (her stage name is a reference to the second Momus album!). Her debut album, all self-produced, has a spacey trip-hop sound to it, right on the dial for 1992. The breathy vocals and relaxed tempos lead to an excellent atmosphere, with THOSE WERE THE DAYS getting stuck in my head the most.

In what should be a success story, Poison Girl Friend successfully caught the attention of Momus, who went on to produce her second album. The thing is, compared to her own work, his production here is dogshit! Never meet your heroes, I guess, especially when they’re Nick Currie.

Coaltar of the Deepers

not their best album, but easily the one with the best art

Oh man, these guys are legit. If my description of the final Flipper’s Guitar album made it come off as an eclectic genre mashup, then this band is downright overwhelming. We’ve got band members who are really into noise rock and abrasive metal. Others are clearly here for the shoegaze. And finally, there’s the one guy on synths who does electronica that sound like it’s destined for Ape Escape. Their early works jump between all of these from track to track at a breakneck pace, but they finally release a more coherently organized album with 2007’s Yukari Telepath. It starts off with some of the most aggressive metal you’ve ever heard, which gradually softens into shoegaze as the album goes on, with some spectacular dreamy electronica in the middle. When the breaks in Aquarian Age come on, or the jaw-dropping xylophone solos later on, you will understand.

Coaltar of the Deepers have a bunch of side projects with different lineups, and as expected they lean into the strengths of the members working on them. There’s the hardcore BP, glitchy electronica Watchman, and more atmospheric Sadesper Record. The CotD extended universe been one hell of a rabbit-hole to fall down, but they’ve kept me very busy.

Honorable Mention: Shonen Knife

Yellow Loveless is mostly a wash, but Shonen Knife’s cover of When You Sleep is better than the original.

_

I’ve spent most of this past year miserable. My physical health has decimated my mental health, and it’s bad enough that I couldn’t ignore the problems even if I wanted to. I’ve shied away from considering myself chronically ill so far, but when I write it all out and reflect on just how much all of this lowers my quality of life, it gets a bit more imaginable as a way to understand myself as I currently am.

One silver lining to all this trying meds and running tests and failing to be diagnosed is that we’ve eliminated a lot of the scariest possibilities. No cancer, no allergies, nothing that would show up on an abdominal CT scan, and my lungs are powerful and sexy and not the source of my intermittent breathing problems I forgot to mention earlier. I’m not going anywhere. But at the same time, it’s hard for me to even conceptualize a future where I continue to feel like this every day, for years or decades on end. I have to get better. In the words of Sufjan Stevens, I want to be well.

Hopefully next year’s music post comes with good news alongside the good tunes.

[nightbwoy]

I think I’m gonna start writing on here like it’s an actual blog instead of just social media again. I dunno how many followers I have that are even active enough to catch any of my posts (potentially zero) or if anyone will read this at all anyway, so fuck it why not. There’s also a good chance I’m just manic right now and will post this and then never post again forever, so

I am really sad lately, what the fuck else is new. I started vaping again after not using nicotine for like 4-5 years. I want to quit again already but I chucked money at a vape so fuck it we ball and abuse nicotine to lose more weight until I quit again (probably like may or something)

I lost 55 pounds last year after I “got dumped” from my friendlationship with my ex. I want to lose like 20-30 more but it’s hard to stop eating when you take too many edibles and have access to cook your own really good food all the time. I have to appreciate the privilege of being able to cook and having access to ingredients. I really wish I had people to cook for sometimes though

I really miss my best friend. I really really really miss her, every day no matter what I think about her and cry a little bit. Sometimes a lot but whatever lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I feel like I’ve gained a new perspective on what’s important and how much other people mean to me. If I could tell my younger self anything at this point it would be “please focus on how much loving someone means you should uplift them, and not how much you need them.” It really sucks to see someone you’ve been in love with for so long loving someone else, obviously. But if she’s really actually happy now then I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that. She’s been through so much and deserves peace and love.

Fuckin shit though man I’m so ALONE!!! I have like no one I’m comfortable with anymore. It’s like I suddenly notice this lack of interest everyone has in me because no one appreciates me like she did. Plus being trapped inside with my immune system shit I’m so far removed from making any kind of friends near me that it’s overwhelming sometimes. PLUS I’m terrified of people and ever getting close to someone again makes my heart shake. Life is dumb! Being alive is a chore!

If I didn’t have my dogs and my friends and family I’d be gone a long time ago. I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying so hard to stay and to learn to not beat myself up and to let go of suicide and self harm. I haven’t attempted either in so long (sometimes I think about stopping my meds and that would probably lead to me killing myself because no antipsychotic but I think the meds are making me self preservant enough to stay on the meds lol?) New tattoos and new video games and new anime make me try and dial in to staying alive. Sometimes it’s just impossible though. My therapist is a sweet lady but I don’t think she really gets just how self destructive I used to be.

anyway. I love you. I hope you’re well. And I’m here if you ever need anything.

[dearest-infinity]

guess who's FINALLY back

so ik i was dead for a long time. sorry about that, can't promise it won't happen again, but hey! i got some better outlines for my wips and new directions things are going in :> so while i might've been in a bit of a creative coma, i'm slowly clawing my way back to the surface lmao

anyway! since it's been a hell of a long time: what's up, name's moony (or lune, if you're feeling formal), pronouns he/him or ze/hir, and i'm a fantasy writer!

the wips i'm focusing on are, at the moment:

wrong side of legendary: an urban fantasy work about a keith, traumatized former prince, cross, the rat bastard keith summons when he tries to do something for his roommate, and saying fuck you to the world and the people they were supposed to be. mlm, just a teeny bit spooky

red rise: soft sci-fi fantasy that the outline is worrying me with the projected word count of, oh god that's centered around kyra, a girl with a sun living in her chest, trying to save the universe from an empire that can never really outrun the destruction it leaves in its wake, and silena, her best-friend-turned-desperate-enemy who's the golden girl of the empire and owes her life and more to it. there are so so so many sad lesbians in this. i am not immune to sad lesbians and neither are you.

dark eyes (name under construction): tragic fantasy. levi is the town witch, and it's her job to keep everyone safe from the magical forest that surrounds them and, should it come down to it, the fae that live in it. this... does not go very well. one day, levi wakes up to the entire town having been overrun by the forest, and the townspeople either turned to wood or vanished. as she sets out to right this, she encounters branwen, a forest fae who will help her in exchange for one thing: her heart. i love them dearly, your honor.

and of course, the backburner wips:

elle is waiting (by the bodies of your gods): retired apocalypse-ender yis'sika and her wife rhoze are called upon, once again, save the world from— huh. it seems no one can really tell them. no one except a girl who claims to be from another world, and a young woman made of flowers who claims to be yis'sika and rhoze's daughter. no one trusts each other, but the clock is ticking. the statues have eyes. and elle is always, always, waiting.

black lightning: nova and zenith are vigilante partners who know and trust each other with everything in their fight against the corrupt system—everything, except their identities. this becomes a problem when nova, civilian name estelle, is scouted to become an intelligent, a once-human, now-machine enforcer of the law, and is brought into the glass palace—which, despite its name, is impossible to get anything in or out of. zenith, civilian name zhen, realizes that something must've happened, and tries to save nova from whatever fate has befallen her; a course that takes her to the glass palace. it may be the lion's den, but with the two of them working together, they might be able to strike at the heart of the power that's hurt so many. also they're gay. they're really gay. fluffy wlw superhero action (with just a teeny touch of the body horror. TINY)

unnamed wip (time travel sapphics flavored): fellas, is it gay to time travel to save the world? no? fine. is it gay to time travel to save your really really hot dyke best friend? THERE WE GO. wlw and happy for once!!!

unnamed wip (wild west flavored): an immortal necromancer wants to fulfill the natural order and die. a sunwraith cowboy, risen from the grave to have its justice—or is it revenge?—, wants to live the life stolen from it. i won't lie, i don't know much about this one, but it's gay and bittersweet.

postcard from the end times: this one's actually going to be a comic! fantasy story about a bunch of kids who go to trauma school and try really, really hard to win in a system that's trying to farm them for all the misery they can produce. spoiler alert: it doesn't work. so, new plan: kill the school and everyone behind it. salt and burn until the cancer's dead, and keep going until it can't claw itself out of its own grave. what's god to a shit ton of angry teenagers? killable.

woagh. that was a lot. anyway, love you all! good luck this year, hopefully it's better than the last ;;-;;