#my opinions are subject to change as I make progress

[alynnl]

Ace Attorney: Investigations 2 and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney spoilers under the cut.  I found a contradiction!

Let me get this straight.

Raymond Shields was Gregory Edgeworth’s understudy.

At first he was being vague when meeting Miles Edgeworth the first time in a while in Investigations 2.  He speaks in cryptic language and implies that he’s going to “report to ‘that person’ about Miles’s betrayal, following the Von Karma ways.”  Presuming “That Person” is referring to Gregory then we assume at first, that Ray has no idea Gregory is dead.

We dive further into the case, we meet Ray again.

He clearly states that he inherited Gregory’s practice, the Edgeworth Law Offices.  Him and Miles talk about his late father when he mentions this.  Ray actually knows that his mentor is dead after all and has been carrying on his work with the Edgeworth name on the line.

If Raymond Shields knows Gregory Edgeworth is dead...

Does he not know about the DL-6 Incident at all?

Is he not aware that after he was orphaned, Miles was legally adopted by Manfred von Karma and didn’t really have a choice but to become his student?

Adding to that, this was done on purpose to erase any traces of Gregory’s legacy

Where was Raymond at the time Miles was orphaned, and why didn’t he take him in and raise him as a defense attorney to follow closer in Gregory’s footsteps?

Did Raymond not hear about the events of Turnabout Goodbyes, where Manfred von Karma framed Miles for two murders and came very close to getting away with it?

And then there’s the events of Farewell, My Turnabout where Miles says, under oath that his only aim is to find the truth.  (And you can’t tell me that the trial of a celebrity like Matt Engarde didn’t make national, or even worldwide news.)

I suppose my Watsonian (in-universe) question is this: Has Raymond Shields been living under a rock for the past year and then some?

You would have to be, to miss all that!

And my Doylist (meta, out of universe writing) question is this: Why are the writers of later AA games almost allergic to making direct connections to the previous ones?

I don’t speak for every AA player, but I would love to see incidents and events referred to by name and not just “a case I worked on previously.”  Capcom.  You have the power to do this.  You own all the games.  Step up your continuity!

... All this being said, I’m willing to be patient and see if these contradictions are answered for in the narrative of AA: I2.  Despite my long sessions in the game (I think my latest one was an hour and a half today) - I’m still only on the second case, The Imprisoned Turnabout.  This game will be a long runner, a bit like reading a brick of a novel.  But I’ve come too far not to piece together all the lore to see if it fits.

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

Sexism in TOS: Worst Offender, or Progressive in Retrospect in Comparison?

I see a lot of folks claim that TOS was the most sexist of the Star Trek shows by a landslide -- and while I agree that it definitely suffered from the sexism of the times, I also have other perspectives to share to give some food for thought.

I am of course not insinuating that TOS isn't sexist -- it is, but I have to ask folks to consider the breadth and depth of Berman's sexism in his run and ask yourself: Was Gene Roddenberry genuinely more sexist in his storytelling and delivery than Rick Berman?

I'm not telling you to feel one way or the other, but all I ask is that you hear me out and consider some perspectives and make your own balanced assessments. Nobody is obligated to share my opinion, but it means a lot just to have folks hear it and see their thoughts on the subject. So here is what I was originally responding to:

Someone's response to this photo:

"Devil's advocate. This was a part of the popular form of cardio during the production time of TNG. Yes, it was heavily sexualised by men, but so is literally every other way women work out. Men have been caught taking pictures of women while trying to do dead lifts, running on tracks and working on sled machines. They post them online to share too. The fact is, there is no way a woman can be shown working out without it going there. And yeah,t hat includes the combat forms of workout they do in Star Trek. Just look at how Dax dresses when she spars with Worf. Yes, they're dating, but still, same goes when 7 does and any other female.

Aerobics routines like this were made dirty and cringy. This was what women wore then by and large. This is how the workout was done. We make it cringy."

My response to them:

"I respect your take, but I disagree on a few fronts.

The miniskirt was chosen by the TOS female cast, not the male cast, specifically requested by Grace LW and affirmed by Nichelle and Majel who would go on to vehemently defend the miniskirt over the years as comfortable and embraced by them.

Grace said it was comfortable and seen as a symbol of female sexual empowerment during the 60s and thought it would be a progressive garment (and turns out that it was, as it was later adapted and worn by male crew as a skant on TNG) -- FYI those were designed by a gay man and Gene approved them.

This was also supposed to be Spock's TMP outfit:

Literally lingerie.

We saw both Uhura (who saves Kirk in from Marlena Mirror Mirror) and Yeoman Landon (the first to initiate combat with a classic Kirk-esque kick to help the Captain being attacked in The Apple) carry out their combat training in their Starfleet uniforms without ever being made to change into any ridiculous workout gear.

In fact, I'd argue Jim Kirk was sexualized even more than the ladies of the week on the show and I saw his naked body more than anyone else's on a fairly regular basis. He wore red yoga tights while topless in Charlie X while the women wore full length gymnastic suits that covered their entire body. If anything, it went out of its way to avoid sexualizing women practicing fitness in those scenes and instead focused on Kirk.

Gene confessed that he asked to have Shatner filmed in suggestive/provocative ways to "give something to the ladies", so he -- as he said -- liked to "film him walking away" or have him conveniently busting out of his shirts in just about every episode as it were, because Shatner apparently had great assets. LOL

Gene made an effort to at least sexualize both if he was going to sexualize one, and he carried that attitude forward in wanting the m/m and f/f scenes in the background on Risa for TNG. He also insisted that the men and women wear skimpy outfits on THAT TNG planet. You know the one. LOL I mean the dudes even had on less than the women:

Gene also gave permission to K/S shippers to have their conventions back in the 70s when he was asked for permission. Gene and Nimoy felt with all the skimpy outfits they had the ladies wear, why not let the ladies and gay men have their fun, too? It's how we ended up with moments like this:

Yes, those are two people dressed up as Kirk and Spock's penises doing interpretive dance. Gene didn't give two damns. LOL

In my eyes, that was a very progressive take on Gene's part for the 60s. It was actually PARAMOUNT STUDIOS who had the big problem with K/S stories and vehemently tried to shut them down. Gene literally hired slash authors on his payroll and even had several slash stories/writers published in his official Star Trek books (The New Voyages & The New Voyages II).

I feel I saw Uhura and women in TOS engaged in more physical combat/altercations defending themselves that Troi or Bev were shown holding their own.

In fact, Kirk used to get furious when someone would "dress up" his female crew members without their consent (Trelane episode, Shore Leave episode) because like his male crew members, he wanted them to be treated professionally and to also have his male crew act professionally.

Berman brought some of his own personal biases into Star Trek that in some ways regressed it. While TOS had blatant sexism and was called on it time and again, that show was made in the 60s -- a solid 21 years before TNG. We as a modern audience understood why some of it was cringe/sexist due to the time period -- look at any other media coming out in the 60s and Star Trek was miles ahead of what other shows were doing.

Compare that to Berman who was churning sexist stuff out when women like Starbuck and Scully were simultaneously on screen on other programs airing, and we had already had Sigourney Weaver and other strong women in Holywood playing respectful roles.

In my eyes, there was no need of the sexism seen in TNG but especially VOY and ENT. There was no excuse for it when other shows were writing women far better and a number of those weren't even set in the future like Trek was, making it age even faster due to having those dated perspectives frequently highlighted.

In the Center Seat documentary as well as "The Fifty Year Mission" book you will find cast members, writers and other studio alumni who attest to this. Some discussions from "The Fifty Year Mission":

"First, Berman was supposed to have been a real sleaze ball . . . According to Terry Farrel, he would go on constantly about how her breasts weren't big enough, how she should do something about it, and how his secretary was a good example to follow as she had huge breasts. She even had to have fittings to get larger bras, and that was all done at his behest.

Later Berman and Braga developed a name for Jeri Ryan's character prior Seven of Nine. They originally called the character "perineum" which if you look it up it is the area between the anus and the scrotum. Later they floated the name "6 of 9". I mean, what does it tell you about where these two were coming from in the development of this character if they had names like that put forward in all seriousness for her?"

Gene Roddenberry also had some of his own more progressive ideas for TNG cut or watered down by Berman. Roddenberry agreed TNG should have homosexual relationships and representation at a con in the 80s and insisted on it in a meeting with his writers -- something Berman later would not honor. Gene wanted the AIDS episode, showing m/m and f/f in the Riza scenes -- these were some of Roddenberry's requests to include in TNG that Berman later stonewalled.

Berman's era was sadly dated by his own misogynist bias, IMO, to the point that it can somewhat hurt the shows he worked on through his cringe egoism and blatant disrespect toward his female cast.

There is a reason why Gene could keep female actresses working with him and Berman had a revolving door of women that he couldn't seem to keep working for him -- he was abhorrent to women, on and off set. Gene wasn't perfect at all, he had a lot of issues himself -- but Berman was a whole other level. Just look at what he did to poor Jolene Blalock, Marina Sirtis and his toxic commenting on her body weight which exacerbated her struggles with eating disorders, or how he treated and talked to Terry Farrell.

Anyway, just some food for thought. I'm not saying anyone is wrong regarding a take like that, but there are a variety of ways to look at this. Gene Roddenberry isn't a saint by any means, but it definitely bothers me how folks will tote the Berman era as if it were the lesser of two evils or the more progressive depiction of women when I felt there were far more concerning portrayals of women in his era with far less justification.

(P.S: I don't event want to go near the sheer amount of "creepy old dude/villain preys on innocent/naïve/scared young woman or little girl" stories there were in Berman's era, either. But that's a whole other can of worms I can write about in a part 2.)

[elizakai]

I like thinking about their more canon adjacent dynamic (character wise)

MINI ANALYSIS TIME

Because while I love the soft interpretations, even WITH those let’s be real; that’s not how they’d act off the bat

Horror would be extremely judgmental (fair) and hate Dust for what he did. He’d despise him and probably be very passive aggressive. Making jabs and making his disdain apparent when they have to interact. I think getting a read on Dust is also difficult and would piss Horror off. Horror is unpredictable and has a sadistic streak, if he was mad or manic and had Dust in a corner he’d have no qualms about manhandling the guy. (And Dust probably wouldn’t do much to stop him.)

Meanwhile, Dusttale’s creator was asked once how Dust may feel if he met Horror, to which they said he feels bad for Horror. He likes him, sees him as someone who went through something horribly undeserved. In my mind Dust is somewhat protective of Horror.

I interpret these clashing of dynamics as Horror’s just utter disdain for this guy, and Dust’s resigned acceptance of Horror’s judgment. He’d agree with him if he were to judge himself, but I think a part of him wants Horror’s approval. He doesn’t EVER expect to get it, but Horror is….

While he’s seen hell, he’s almost a less tormented version of Dust himself. Deep down they are the same. Horror has suffered greatly, but even still hasn’t hit the deep end dust has, and I think he’d want to protect that sort of innocence he’s granted. One could think of it as him protecting a piece of himself he himself has already sacrificed. And wanting APPROVAL from him, wishing to be forgiven, craving that small piece of validation or understanding as he tries to reconcile with himself.

Horror’s formed opinion makes sense, he agrees with it, and simply wishes he disagreed, that he could have proof of himself being a FRACTION worthy of forgiveness or understanding.

The judge in both of them has both formed an opinion of the other, and they happen to differ greatly. Horror sees Dust as an abuser and Dust sees Horror as a victim.

I like to imagine that, while reluctantly thrown into the same general vicinity, Horror would grow to be more understanding (again if we are going with a PROGRESSIVE plot line) and come to understand that, yes, he wasn’t WRONG, but there is nuance to the situation. They both have a very grim understanding of what it’s like to be trapped. I think he has the capacity to understand Dust better if he was given time. His hands aren’t clean after all, and he knows what it’s like to be forced into a situation and to feel backed into a drastic decision. He knows what it’s like to lose your autonomy and to feel your mind break itself under pressure.

I think the simple fact that Dust wouldn’t TRY to change his mind or justify himself would be part of why Horror could come to understand him. He’s devestated by his actions, he is by no means a sadist.

Horror coming to understand Dust and sort of reconcile/forgive him I think would be rather BIG for Horror, especially if you factor in other situations he now has to consider. (For example, his Undyne and her drastic attempt at freeing the undergroud…) reconciling his OWN arguably cruel decisions he has made with pure intentions, when he feels there’s no other choice (like his Papyrus and tricking him into doing something so outside of his beliefs, to protect him)

It would also be healing for Dust to get that reconciliation with Horror because again…Horror’s opinion actually may MATTER.

And in the same way that Dust may see Horror as a sort of person to be protected from further harm, Horror would probably pick up on all of the VERY bad habits Dust has that (in my observation at least) are EXTREMELY similar to his own habits/past habits (isolation, obsession, deprivation, paranoia, bringing harm to self etc) and I could see him being sensitive towards those and trying to prevent it worsening (it’s a sore subject💔) Horror is shown to prioritize taking care of those he cares about, even when he’s a bit mad, and he has the capacity to grow an understanding for someone he doesn’t like initially :))

I think they have potential to be VERY good for one another, Horror (while being fucked up) encourages (and maybe forces) better habits and actually has an opinion that matters to Dust, and Dust is inclined to be VERY loyal (Horror needs someone to show him loyalty.) to anyone who cares to give him the time of day, as it’s far beyond what he’d expect, and he’s got the sympathy/protective streak towards Horror as an actual in character detail.

And from there it would be wonderful to explore their dynamic in whatever way you like to interpret it🤫💥

I could go on but I’ll stop here, if you read this all CONGRATS!!!

Share your thoughts I love it

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

What I Mean When I Say, "I Ship Huskerdust"

When I say, "I ship Huskerdust," I don't mean that I think it would be a perfect example of a healthy relationship. Because it wouldn't be.

They've both got issues that they would need to work through if they wanted their relationship to succeed.

On Angel's side, there's the fact that his prior interactions with Husk basically consisted of him flirting with Husk, and Husk making it clear that he wasn't interested, and Angel ignoring that and doing it again. That's harassment.

Yes, Angel stops doing it after Episode 4, but he never explicitly apologises for it. That was a missed opportunity, in my opinion. It was a change for the show to say loudly and clearly, "Hey, trauma sucks, we get that, but it's not an excuse to treat people badly yourself. You grow by owning up to your mistakes and trying to be better than the person who hurt you."

Speaking of trauma...

Angel is being abused by Valentino and exploited in the porn industry. That's not a personal failing. It's not Angel's fault. But it has affected him deeply, and it's something that he and Husk would need to work through.

It's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Angel will cry, Angel will get angry, Angel will lash out. He will behave inappropriately, and he will keep being hypersexual because he knows how to do it and sometimes it feels like the safest option. And he will have no idea how to just rest with a loved one and trust them. So Husk will need to be the bigger person and take all the ups and downs and keep loving Angel through the dark days.

But I don't know if Husk has what it takes to do that.

That leads me nicely onto the issues on Husk's side. For starters, there's his judgemental attitude. He's a gambler, and therefore believes he can read people and know everything about them. Angel's "It's not an act!" outburst shakes Husk and makes him realise that he didn't really know what was going on.

But even after that, Husk is still judging Angel. It happens in Episode 6, when Angel is offered drugs by Cherri Bomb and Husk says, "Look, you wanna fuck up all your progress, be my guest. I just ... I just thought you were better than that."

Addicts can relapse if they go back to their old environments and old relationships. It happens. And it's probably not a good idea to be so condemnatory about it.

Can you imagine what Husk's reaction would be if Angel really did relapse? Would Angel feel safe opening up to Husk again if he knew how badly Husk could take it?

Sometimes, it seems as though Husk puts Angel on a pedestal. In Episode 8, when he tells Angel, "I guess you have changed," Angel doesn't look convinced, instead changing the subject. Husk sees Angel as better than Angel thinks he is.

And that goes hand-in-hand with when he was judging Angel more harshly in earlier episodes. Husk applies higher standards to Angel.

I think part of the reason why Husk is so hard on Angel is because Husk sees something in Angel that he doesn't see in himself - youth and potential. Husk has made it clear that he isn't trying to get into Heaven. He probably doesn't think he deserves it. That's why he told Angel not to look for answers to problems at the bottom of a bottle, but continued to drink himself.

My theory is that Husk is working on Angel because he finds it easier than working on himself.

It's much easier to judge and boss around others than to acknowledge and rectify your own flaws. To borrow a metaphor from Jesus Christ himself, Husk is trying to take specks of sawdust out of Angel's eye while he's still got plenty of planks in his own eye.

One of those planks being his complicity in the Overlord system.

Yes, I should probably mention that Husk used to be an Overlord. He used to participate in the very system that is now trapping and torturing Angel.

And he gambled with the souls that he owned! He put their afterlives at stake! Can you imagine being owned by Husk, thinking you knew where you stood, and then waking up one day to be told that you were now owned by someone else? Potentially someone as bad as Valentino?

(Now, I don't think Husk ever actually played a game with Valentino, given that he can't seem to remember Val's name in Episode 6, but still, the implications are horrifying.)

Angel didn't have too big a reaction when Husk opened up about his past. But that's probably because he was still reeling a bit from his own outburst. Once it had sunk in, how did he feel?

How can Angel feel safe and loved around someone who used to own souls and gamble with them carelessly? Someone who apparently still has his Overlord powers? Someone who could turn into yet another Valentino in the wrong circumstances?

How can a romance work?

Can a romance work?

Despite all of that?!

No, when I say, "I ship Huskerdust," I don't mean, "I think they're fluffy and adorable and 100% unproblematic." I mean, "Huskerdust contains interesting dynamics that are fun to explore." There's something about their interactions that I enjoy.

And Huskerdust could be a good way for the cartoon to dive into its themes of redemption and second changes.

Husk could change Angel for the better. We can see that, after Episode 4, Angel is willing to be more honest about what he's going through. He actually tells Niffty about the gruelling 16-hour shift Valentino put him through, instead of trying to pretend he's been all right.

If they became an official couple, Husk could show Angel what it's like to have someone genuinely care for him and his wellbeing, not just use him for money-making or self-gratification. Since Husk isn't interested in Angel's hypersexual porn star persona, it would be a chance for Angel to take the time to figure out who he (Anthony?) really is.

Angel could change Husk for the better, too. Other Tumblr bloggers have pointed out that Husk seemed to be drinking a little less after Episode 4. Perhaps watching Angel attempting self-improvement encouraged Husk to give it a go as well, albeit in a more low-key way.

And if Husk was the one who got Angel out of his contract with Valentino, that would be a great culmination of his character arc. It would be his own personal redemption for participating in the cruel Overlord system, because he'd be freeing someone from an Overlord's control. He'd be correcting his past mistakes. I for one would love to see that in a future season.

That is what I mean when I say "I ship Huskerdust."

TL;DR Angel and Husk are not perfect people, not by a long shot - but they could be perfect for each other.

[threadbaresweater]

parent teacher conferences are coming up and i'm praying a man like hiromi shows up and falls in love with me

hi, this was supposed to be a little daydream but I got carried away. this concept is full fanfic material. bless your beautiful mind, anon.

-

You've been talking with parents all afternoon, going over each student's progress, highlighting their strengths and weaknesses. You've argued a couple of times with some particularly opinionated parents who insist that their children aren't being challenged enough, or whose children are disruptive in class (contrary to what they say they're like at home). As you're scanning the list to make sure everyone scheduled has come, your eyes fall on one name in particular that never bothered to show.

The Higuruma kid.

You sigh, letting your shoulder slump forward in silent disappointment. She's a bright young girl- top of your class, reading at two grade levels above her peers, working through middle school math equations and making art that a college grad would envy. you knew her father to be the top defense attorney in the area, so it came as no surprise that he would have a child so brilliant. Tonight was an opportunity for you to tell her parents everything they probably already knew, but it would have been exciting nonetheless. you were sure you were almost as proud of her as they were.

The clock on the wall creeps past eight, so you start to tidy up. As you're filing away the last of the papers, your stomach calls for attention and you reach for a granola bar from your desk stash and cram half of it in your mouth just as you hear a breathless voice at your door.

"Am I too late?"

You look up, cheeks full of oats and honey, and your eyes go wide at the tall, lanky figure nearly falling over himself as he enters your classroom. His dark hair looks like at some point today it might have been meticulously styled, but now it's disheveled as he runs a hand through it, his deep brown eyes offering you some kind of silent plea for just a minute of your time. He's wearing a well-made suit that somehow looks too big and too small at the same time, tie loosened, the first few buttons of his shirt undone.

"Hiromi Higuruma," he offers, stepping forward to offer a hand. When you accept, his fingers are cool and a little damp, but his grip is strong and confident. Your eyes light up, and you muster a tired smile after swallowing the rest of your snack.

"Ah, Mr. Higuruma! I thought maybe you'd forgotten about our meeting."

"I'm sorry. I– work. It's always work," he says, and you realize that he's had to excuse himself probably dozens of time for his erratic schedule. "I usually ask my wife to come to these things, but she's got her own thing going on these days. Uh. Ex-wife, I mean." He sheepishly scratches the back of his neck as his cheeks go pink. "Divorce is still fresh. Haven't really gotten accustomed to that yet. Sorry. Sorry, I ah..." He trails off, leaving you to pick up and change the subject.

You wave him over to have a seat at your desk. "It's alright, you don't have to explain. I'm just glad you made it. I wanted to sing your daughter's praises, because she really is doing a wonderful job."

He positively beams at you, leaning forward, hanging onto each and every word you say, nodding along as you detail all of her achievements. His gaze is intense, his eyes locked on your face so completely that it makes you feel a little hot under the collar. When you look up to meet his eyes, emphasizing key points of his daughter's progress, you have to pause and swallow around the dryness in your throat before continuing.

"So, um, as you probably already know, she's gifted. Extremely so. I'd like to place her in our accelerated seminar. It will give her, ah–" you clear your throat, watching the way his lips curve into a genuine smile, how his eyes seem to shimmer with tears. "Uhm, give her a chance to really grow and thrive with other students like her."

You take the last few minutes to explain the process- there will be further testing, then placement based on her cognitive function, though you know she'll score high in all the areas. When Higuruma signs the consent forms, you watch the strong, confident stroke of his hand as he weilds the pen (left-handed, you observe), his long, agile fingers, the way his suitcoat rides up past his wrist in a disheveled, endearing way. You wonder if his ex-wife ever paid attention to the fact that his clothes were ill fitting, or that the bags under his eyes were as dark as his hair.

"Thank you, Mrs, uh–"

"Miss, actually." Oh God, your face is hot. You give him your name, and he nods, pressing a finger to his temple.

"Right. I'll remember that." He digs around in his breast pocket and produces a business card. Sleek, simple, elegant, with just his name, email address, and phone number. At the corner is a tiny graphic of the scales of justice. He reaches for the pen and flips the card over to scrawl another number on the reverse side of the card before sliding it across the desk to you.

You pick it up, and he must pick up on your puzzled expression because he chuckles, rubbing the side of his neck. "If you need anything else, please call. And... thank you. For taking such an active interest in my daughter. It means...more than you might know."

"It's my job, Mr. Higuruma."

"Please, call me Hiromi." Call me, he thinks.

You nod. "Hiromi."

[elysiansparadise]

Sorry, I haven’t seen your Composite Mars Post in Composite master list but then found it! You can ignore my previous ask hahah

Can you tell me about Venus in 9th house in natal chart, please? I’m interested in your opinion about this aspect :3

Sure love, no problem. 😊🤎

Venus in the 9th house

Their beauty is radiant, it lies in the glow of their personality, in the shine of their eyes, their beautiful figure and the hypnotizing smile with which they captivate you. These natives are an ideal combo, since it is not only limited to external beauty, but also their spirit, their way of seeing life, their love for knowledge, their open, inquisitive and fun mentality and their ability to give greater meaning to things no matter how simple they are. They love learning new things, things that are interesting and things that make them leave their comfort zone mentally speaking. They may have a lot of artistic knowledge and can enjoy art in diverse ways. There is a jovial quality in them which expands with the passage of time, looking young no matter the passing of the years. They have the quality of being able to see beauty in things that others do not appreciate, they tend to think outside the box and are not so methodical in their thinking, having a more flexible, open and curious mind. Likewise, they are usually people who deal charmingly with people, their treatment is not frivolous or just cordial, they are warm and very fun with others, which makes them easily appreciated. All these traits make them irresistible and interesting to people. Hips and thighs can be very attractive.

With this placement of Venus, the native is more prone to trips abroad, from which they will deeply enjoy and learn a lot, this can increase once they get married. You may feel attracted to foreign countries and the idea of ​​getting to know other places, cultures and people, and you may also feel attracted to foreign people [must mention that this placement enhances chances of marrying someone from another country]. In addition to the foreign, they are attracted to intelligent and thoughtful personalities who see beyond what seems to be obvious. Great minds inspire them and can teach them many things, things that they value deeply. They are attracted to people with more experience than them [in some cases even people older than them, especially if Saturn is aspecting Venus], to the idea of ​​a loved one teaching them new things. Changing the subject a little, since this is a publishing house, it makes it easier for the native to be successful in publishing something, especially with a foreign public or a lot of support from people from abroad. Can make very successful writers or artists in general.

Love is a huge source of inspiration for them, they have a unique vision of it, nothing superficial, quite the opposite, they look for a deep and significant meaning in the idea of ​​being with the person they love most. They have that quality to put a relieved, genuine and radiant smile on the face of their loved one, the one they fill with happiness, adventures and the best conversations they can have. It is valuable for them to be able to share their most personal opinions and vision of life with the person they are interested in. They love deeply and with intensity but never reaching the point of being unhealthy, love with them is liberating, enjoyable and above all accepting. They have a strong love of freedom, so it is necessary that they have a certain degree of it in their relationships. It is important for you to feel that you and your partner grow together as the relationship progresses. Many of them can give the impression of having high standards in love, since most tend to reject simple ideas of love or things that do not fit what they are looking for, they will always prefer what is meaningful even if they have to wait a little longer. The natives with this placement are the underrated hopeless romantics, since it’s the house of ideals and Venus over there increases the tendency to daydream about romance.

[sanguinesky-if]

Thoughts on My IF and the Public Release

Hi, I think I need to be honest with you, although I didn't want to bring it up at all, but after I read the discussion in my CoG's thread I realized that I need to do it, for the first and last time.

I'm talking about comparing my IF to another one.

I'll be brief: I recognize that there are similar moments in the plot. What I write next may include some spoilers.

Here's a list of moments:

The MC is a detective who doesn't know about the supernatural world.

There is a "team" from the "organization" CID that interferes with the investigation. (SPOILER: they are not, and if you read carefully, you notice there's a hint to that in their first POV already.)

And… that's it. These are all similar moments, at least in my opinion.

But the CID team is a copy of…

R are so impulsive that their actions can change the plan altogether, and they do it all the time, give in to their impulsiveness and anger, and more than that, actually enjoying it. A person like R shouldn't be a leader at all, but they are, for a very specific reason.

T looks playful and naive, but they do things on purpose and doesn't care about the consequences, because everything around them is fickle, and they have to take what they can before it disappears.

I is the most normal of their team, really. A little withholding of information here, taking someone down there, doing what "needs to be done" even if it ruins someone's life.

And the last member… Or former member? Well, I think you already know who they are.

I thought that by releasing a sneak peek at Chapter 2 people wouldn't have any questions about these ROs, because it shows how they really behave without all their tinsel that they show in public, but it looks like I was wrong. Maybe it's my fault for not being able to convey the things I wanted to through my writing.

That's why I had "concerns" about the release of Chapter 2, where it ends almost immediately after the CID team was introduced.

It means there will be more people who will latch on to that moment in the story and start judging before the story can progress any further.

That's why I even considered and still do consider delaying the release until I finish Chapter 2 completely, so that people have more of an idea of what characters they're dealing with and how the story will develop.

At the same time, I feel pretty secure because I know how the story will progress, and I don't see any similarities beyond what I've written. But I don't want to waste my time on people who are quick to judge something before all the cards are in the air.

I've spent more than a year developing the plot of Sanguine Sky, starting when I didn't know about IF format yet and working on my story as a visual novel.

And, I really love each of my characters. They are selfish, dark, questionable, cruel, some of them are childish and some of them don't hide it at all. But despite how awful they can be, I love how each of them can love the MC. I love the MC too, and who they may become, good or bad, it doesn't matter.

Because there is no "good" or "bad" in my story. There's only you. That's the kind of IF I'm trying to create.

This is the first and last time I'm going to touch on this subject. I will not respond to any feedback, messages or asks not related to my IF, whether good or bad, and the ones that want to continue this discussion.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you to everyone who supports me and everyone who is interested in my characters and my story. Each of you makes my day better, making me smile every time I read your sincere and sweet messages about enjoying my story.

If I change my mind about releasing Chapter 2 because of this until I finish it completely, I'll let you know.

[aesethewitch]

From Notes to Grimoire

I’ve talked some about my thoughts and recommendations for taking notes for witchcraft, but what comes after that? In my method, notes are taken in a date-based, linear fashion. Subjects aren’t usually grouped together (unless you’re using separate notebooks for specific topics), and it can be tough to use rough notes like that for much more than basic study. I said in that post that I wasn’t talking about a reference document; I was just talking about writing down thoughts, ideas, spell tests, book notes, study notes, theory notes, and other assorted things as you research and learn about your craft.

So what about when you want to take your rough study notes and turn them into a nice-looking, well-organized, practical collection that’s better for regular referencing and actual use? That’s when you go from notes to grimoire.

(Note that this post is loaded with my opinions. I say it throughout, but go into this knowing that I’m speaking from my personal perspective — you won’t, and really you shouldn’t — agree with everything I say here.)

What Goes into a Grimoire?

Ultimately, what you put in your grimoire is up to you. I’m of the opinion that grimoires are and should be working documents. If you aren’t familiar with the term “working document,” it just means that the contents of the grimoire are always under construction. It means that you’re allowed to add, remove, and modify things as your practice changes over time. It also means that you’re supposed to reevaluate the grimoire’s contents every so often to make those updates. Complacency is the enemy of progress — there’s always a new question to ask or a new perspective to take. Keep the working document mentality in mind while you decide what to put in your grimoire.

With that said, in my opinion, a grimoire is not a place to take raw notes, write out theories, test spells, or even record divinations. Those things ought to go in your notebook, not your grimoire.

A grimoire is a reference document. It holds information on the spells, rituals, traditions, incantations, observances, and materials you actually use and need to look up. Grimoires are practical tools. Yes, they can look nice, but if the function isn’t there, it isn’t a grimoire — it’s just a scrapbook.

So, what should you put in a grimoire? Here’s a general idea of things I’d recommend:

Proven spells and recipes

Rituals you perform and when you perform them

Sigils, symbols, and spell vessels you’ve made and what they’re for

Instructions for making or obtaining materials for spellwork

A reference sheet for making substitutions

Holidays and events you observe and how you observe them

Divination instructions, including cartomancy spreads, magpie oracle charm lists, symbols you look for, and other relevant information

Plant, herb, stone, and crystal profiles

Fire, smoke, pet, and other safety details and instructions

Your astrological chart and its meanings

Profiles on spirits and deities you work with, including preferred offerings, important dates, descriptions of vessels, and details about any ongoing deals or agreements

Anything you commonly need to reference from books, online articles, or other sources

Conversely, here are things that should not go in a grimoire:

Notes on books you’re reading

Spells that are works in progress

Drawings of sigils in progress

Divination notes

Lists of books you want to read

Lists of topics you want to research next

Notes on spirit encounters

Journal pages

Rambles on magic theory

Information that has nothing to do with your witchcraft, spiritual path, religion, or other related field

Information you simply will not use

Obviously, you can add and remove things as you see fit. You should put whatever you commonly reference and whatever is practical for you in your grimoire. If you’re using it all the time, put it in there. If you don’t use something that “everyone” says “has” to be in your grimoire, don’t put it in. For example, I don’t use my astrological chart for anything. I know my big three, and that’s good enough for me. So, it doesn’t go in the book, no matter how many times I see it on those “what to put in your grimoire!” lists that go around witchblr every so often. Similarly, if you don’t have pets, you don’t need to put pet safety information in your book.

Use your common sense and discretion. Your grimoire is yours. If it isn’t practical, don’t put it in. If it is practical and relevant to you, but no one “recommends” putting that particular bit of information down in a grimoire, who cares? Write it down. You can always take it out later.

Creating and Maintaining a Working Document

Now, you’ll see grimoires referred to as working documents (or “living” documents) pretty frequently. You’re allowed to (and meant to) change things over time as you and your practice change.

But how do you do that? How do you keep an organized, practical reference document if it’s constantly changing?

Well, first of all, stop over-thinking it (I say to myself, frequently and loudly). Second of all, no matter what format you choose, from bound notebooks to binders to apps, the primary idea is to evaluate the contents regularly and to keep them in some kind of predetermined order. How that will look and how frequently you do reviews depends on you, your preferences, your practice, and the medium you choose. So, let’s have a look at some options and how I would suggest setting them up as a working-document-grimoire.

Binders

First (and best, in my opinion), are binders. There are a plethora of sizes and styles, so you can choose based on portability, available volume, color, and features according to your needs.

By far, the greatest benefits of using a binder for a grimoire are versatility and adaptability. You can create sections by inserting hunks of cardboard, sheets of colored paper, or pre-made pages with tabs that stick out for easy navigation. And, if you decide you don’t like the way your sections are organized, you can easily open the binder rings, take the section out, and put it wherever you want. In the same way, you can add and remove pages to any section at any point. You don’t have to allot space ahead of time or worry about running out of room in a given section.

Binders have a sort of inherent working document nature. With these, I would recommend reading through the entire thing at least twice a year to review the contents. When something sticks out as inaccurate, unused, or outdated, remove it. You can discard the page entirely or set up a separate “archive” folder to keep it in so you can look back and remember what you’ve taken out. (I keep one of these, though I’m considering moving it into a folder clipped into the back of my grimoire binder.)

On the other hand, if you find something in your grimoire that needs more attention, detail, or elaboration — or you just get inspired and want to add a new spell or bit of information to what’s already there — you can pull out the old page and replace it, or you can add a new page right after the existing one.

It’s up to you how frequently you go through your grimoire. Remember that this is a practical reference document. Set it up in a way that makes sense to you. Again, the nice thing about binders is that if you decide the way you’ve set it up is no good, you can change it without having to start over completely.

Notebooks

Obviously, there are a ton of types of notebooks out there. It comes down to pure personal preference what kind you go with.

Because notebooks can’t be rearranged in the same way that a binder can, keeping one as a working document obviously looks different. With any kind of bound notebook, I recommend doing a sort of yearly review. If much of your practice has changed, or if you find you’ve run out of room in your grimoire for new entries, it’s time to start into a new notebook. This doesn’t mean you have to disregard the original grimoire entirely.

You can copy over spells, information, and whatever else you like into the new book and shelf the original as a relic or treat the books like volumes in a series. In that way, you wouldn’t copy more than the essentials into the new grimoire; you would instead add entirely new spells, rituals, and information to it.

Either way, I would suggest dating the books. I would jot down at least the year(s) you work in the grimoire for organizational purposes. Remember that practicality and usability are the names of the game. You want to be able to use these books as references for your magical practice to help you remember things accurately.

The major drawback of any kind of notebook is that if you find you hate the way you’ve set it up, you can’t just go back and rearrange it. Once it’s down on paper, it’s down. You would either have to rip out the pages and move them manually, leaving them loose or re-pasted into their new places, or start up a new notebook entirely.

On the other hand, that has benefits, too. It removes the temptation to arrange and rearrange endlessly. If you’re indecisive and would waste too much time worrying about layout as opposed to getting a functional document up and running (even if it’s imperfect), a notebook may actually be a pretty good choice for you. It’s an exercise in tolerance for imperfection, to say the least.

Now, let’s have a brief look at different kinds of notebooks.

Divided Notebooks

First, let’s look at notebooks that come divided already. Whether it’s a subject-divided spiral notebook, a journal with built-in title pages, or journals that are divided into smaller journals inside them, part of the work has already been done for you.

A drawback of using these types of notebooks or journals is that you lose the ability to decide how much space is given to a particular subject. On the other hand, it can make getting started much, much easier. My first grimoire was in a large spiral-bound five-subject notebook. I divided it into five sections: Spells, Holidays and Seasons, Spirits, Plants, and Miscellaneous. Granted, at the time, I was taking notes into my grimoire. It wasn’t a very practical document; that wouldn’t come until several years later, when I figured out why I couldn’t remember anything with any sort of reliability. Now, I’ve got very strong opinions on note-taking and record-keeping.

It’s the chemistry nerd in me.

Blank Notebooks

This includes plain lined notebooks, unlined notebooks, and bullet journals. These are harder to use, in my opinion. I don’t think they’re very friendly to beginners who are creating their very first grimoire. These lend themselves better to note-taking notebooks than official grimoires, but you can certainly make them work.

To make a blank notebook function as a grimoire, you should spend a bit of time deciding the order of contents. How many pages do you want to dedicate to a given subject? What subjects will you place next to each other? Will information about moon phases be followed by planetary information, or will you talk about moon water and moon-based spellwork? Do you want to create sections and title pages ahead of time? To make it organized, you’ll want to decide these things somewhat in advance or leave room to add them later on. It’s easier to add (taping, gluing, paper-clipping, etc.) or remove (cutting, tearing, etc.) pages in some notebooks than others. Take that into account when you choose a notebook for your grimoire!

Sketchbooks

For the more artistically inclined magical practitioner, a sketchbook might make a good choice. If you plan on using materials like paint or watercolors, the thicker paper stock would be a solid asset. Artists will feel right at home drawing sketches, diagrams, sigils, and other illustrative details in their grimoires with a sketchbook. They have the same drawbacks as blank notebooks, being complete blank slates that you have to plan around, but they do end up being very nice to look at.

Like with blank notebooks, consider the order you want to put things in. Jot down titles, content, and ideas for drawings or art pieces you’d like to include in the final product. Remember that because the book is bound, you may not be able to add things to sections that have already been filled in. Consider artistic ways to show what’s on a given page to make it easier to manage — color-coded page edges, for example, might be an idea.

Junk Journals

I genuinely wouldn’t recommend using a junk journal for a formal grimoire. By their nature, they’re messy, disorganized, and difficult to parse through for information. They’re fun to make, don’t get me wrong — I love a junk journal for regular journaling and inspiration. But they don’t lend themselves toward organizational systems. If you’re going to use a junk journal as your formal grimoire, you’ll either have to resign yourself to hunting through pages for what you’re looking for or do some extensive planning in advance.

The best way to make a practical, working-document-style junk journal would be to combine it with a binder, I think. Create those iconic, aesthetic pages. Punch holes in them and place them into a binder in the correct location. That way, you still get the pretty aesthetic of the junk with the practicality of what a grimoire should actually be.

(Personally, I would use the junk journal aesthetic for section title pages in a binder — give it some personality and decoration without sacrificing any of the practicality.)

Digital Documents

I say that binders are the best option, but honestly, digital grimoires are up there, too. If you need to keep your magical practice more secret, if you don’t have time or energy to put together a physical book, or if you would prefer to have a system you can reorganize at the drop of a hat, digital grimoires might be right for you.

There are a ton of programs out there you can use. I’ve used Word, Scrivener, and Obsidian for grimoires and/or witchcraft note-taking, personally. Of them all, Obsidian is the one I would recommend most strongly. Word is… well, it’s Word. Scrivener is wonderful as a writer’s tool, and I use it to write these posts! I had moderate success with it for grimoire work. By far, Obsidian has been the best. The back-linking capabilities alone revolutionized the way I set up my grimoire (and other reference documents, including TTRPG notes). I really can’t recommend it enough.

Another program I’ve seen recommended frequently is Notion. While I can’t speak about it myself, since I haven’t used it, it does get rave reviews — particularly from folks who like to have a nicer aesthetic for their craft. Obsidian is pretty bare-bones aesthetic-wise, so if that’s important to you, Notion may be an option to consider.

With digital grimoires as working documents, I would follow the same guidelines as with a binder. Review the contents regularly, archive anything outdated, and evaluate the organizational layout for practicality. My biggest suggestion is to date the individual entries. Include the date you first create the page, obviously, but I would also include the date of the most recent update. If you want to get really lab-notebooky and formal about it, you could include every date you update it. (That’s what I do, personally, but I come from a database management background.)

The main downside to a digital grimoire is accessibility. If you’re out in the middle of nowhere without a computer or cell service, you may not be able to access your grimoire. I’ve seen folks set up entire grimoires using the notes app on their phones to make it easy to carry around, which is fine… unless you find it difficult to type with a phone keyboard. Physical books can be transported via bags, and they don’t need to be charged like a phone or laptop.

I also find that digital grimoires often lack the charm of a physical one. Even pretty, aesthetic templates on Notion are missing that witchy feeling. You know the one I mean — cracking open a tome of secrets to access the magic within just can’t be done through a screen.

Turning Notes into Reference Materials

This is probably the toughest part. After you decide what you want to include in your grimoire, now you’ve got to actually go through your notes and put together your collection.

The tone of your grimoire doesn’t necessarily need to be overly formal. It also doesn’t have to be publisher-ready. You aren’t writing a book on magic. You’re putting together a collection of materials that you want to be able to reference quickly and easily. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else or be absolutely perfect. Remember — this is a working reference document for you. If you mess it up, you can fix it later. Don’t be afraid to cross stuff out or be a little messy. So long as it stays practical and reference-able, you’re fine.

Spells and rituals are probably the easiest things to copy into a grimoire. You might even be able to copy them over verbatim from your notes, depending on how you took the notes. Bring over any changes you made to the spell, clean up the language, and make it easy to read. If you’ve scribbled on your notes, bring over any annotations that make sense. I wouldn’t copy all commentary; just the things that impact the working itself. You can include a “notes” section after the spell itself if you want to make note of your personal thoughts regarding the spell, what to expect during or after, and other information that might be found in the margins of your raw notes. Trim the excess. You don’t need your “lol this ingredient looks like a dick” joke in your grimoire, but you might want the “this ingredient can cause eye irritation, so don’t touch your face after handling” note.

If you’ve ever written an essay for school, I usually recommend a similar process. Your notebook is the basic first draft. For your grimoire, clean up the draft, fact-check yourself, jot down your sources, and then make it look nice.

“Making it look nice” could mean drawings, stickers, washi tape, pictures, and the like… or, it could mean choosing a clean font and ordering your steps numerically. If you’re hand-writing your grimoire, do your best to keep your writing legible. Always remember that these pages are intended as a reference document. If you can’t go back and read it, it’s failing in its function! That applies to overly-decorative pages, too; if your aesthetic is obscuring the information inside the grimoire to the point where you can’t parse the instructions on the page, it isn’t a grimoire anymore. There’s nothing wrong with a pretty, aesthetic inspiration book, but that’s not what we’re going for here.

My biggest piece of advice when transferring notes into a grimoire is to be practical. Not everything you learn about and jot down in your journal or notebook can (or should) make into your grimoire. If you aren’t going to use a spell, don’t include it. If you don’t go by the Wheel of the Year, don’t put those holidays down in your grimoire. Learning about things and taking in information is what the notebooks are for. Grimoires are akin to manuals.

Only take what you need from your notes. Think about what you want to incorporate and what you already use in your actual practice. You wouldn’t want to take down all of your notes about that witchcraft book you just finished, but maybe there was a spell or a correspondence table that you keep going back to look at. That’s something to put in your grimoire.

My Grimoire

I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t share your grimoire with just anybody. Frankly, not a single person in my life has ever seen mine. I’ve shown off examples, and I’ll share my note-taking journal(s) on occasion, but you’ll never see my actual grimoire. My grimoire is for me. It isn’t for the aesthetic, and it isn’t for show. It’s a reference document that details my entire practice, from spells adapted from various sources to spirits I’m allied with to traditions that have been passed down in my family.

To no one’s surprise, I actually keep two grimoires. I’ve got my digital grimoire in Obsidian, which also doubles as a note-taking repository. I have several physical notebooks scattered around that I use in the moment, but everything gets recorded digitally for posterity and easy perusal. My Obsidian files are divided into categories which are then sub-divided into specific subjects. Raw notes, experiments, and theory crafting are kept separate from the reference sections.

And I keep a physical grimoire. I used to struggle with keeping physical grimoires. I was always unsatisfied with them, or I forgot about them, or I changed my mind about how I wanted them to be organized mid-way through and ended up frustrated. It’s why I swapped over to exclusively using digital programs — and why I landed at Obsidian in the first place.

But now, having a very good digital system in place, I find myself wanting to travel with my grimoire. I want to take it with me so that I can perform spells on the go. I’d like to take it to the cemeteries and forests I frequent to discuss its contents with those spirits and to accurately perform rituals without having to look at a blurry picture on my phone. Recently, I decided to repurpose an old binder that I once used for character creation. It’s got a pencil pouch in the front, and it isn’t too large to carry around. Plus, to the untrained eye, it just looks like a very nice student’s school binder. I could easily take it to a coffee shop to work on it and raise precisely no eyebrows.

It’s been a work in progress to decide how I want to lay it out. Writing this post and the taking notes post have been really helpful, actually. I think I’ve finally got a solid idea of what I want to put in it and how. It isn’t ready to show off, but I do think that once I have the layout settled, I’ll share more specifics about it to illustrate some of my points made here. Depending on what I decide to share, it may end up a Ko-Fi exclusive. (Just the layout/title cards would be fine to be totally public; pictures or descriptions of the actual pages would be exclusive.)

Ko-Fi supporters saw this post a full week early! If you enjoyed this post, consider throwing a couple dollars in my tip jar to get early access to posts like this one, plus exclusive extras. One-time supporters get 30 days of access to my backlog of exclusive posts, and members get extra benefits like discounts and more content. All support helps me keep the lights on and this blog active. Thanks!

[underfart-snas]

i’m going to preface this by saying this will be hard to read. for those who have had to deal with a lot of familial trauma, csa, and various other things really. you’re being warned now.

it is not anything fun, light, or happy.  i will not answer questions from anyone. i will not stop people from their comments or tags but i will not look at opinions or attempt to change them. good or bad, i’m too tired to change anyone’s minds or matters on the subject. while i am regretful and sorry for many things, i know this won’t change much.

i’m not looking for forgiveness. i'm looking for closure.

i will not argue on how i’m a good person, or how any behavior in the past was justifiable or right. it was wrong. i still fuck up to this day trying to be human. at this point, all i want is to speak up about what i had to go through and why things ended the way they did with hopefully a more clear sense of perspective as to why i made what i did. and then i would like to move on.

flowerfell ended in disaster from all sides. a story i, the friends i made along with it and worked deeply with during it all, held very dear for our own reasons. be it to express the hardship of survival, to cope with the progression of loss, or having hope in finding small things to live for and learning to find love in friendships, family or otherwise that we couldn’t have in life. it was a big story for everyone, and i understand not everyone got the message. people have not been kind. i’ve seen equal sides of good and bad come from it.

i won’t argue about the shipping aspects. people are right in believing i liked what i liked, and whether or not they hated that was up to them. i had my personal reasons and i never intended for it to be a malicious thing, but i understand people’s headstrong thoughts on the canons or otherwise. I didn't like to go out of my way to shove it in people's faces, which is why i scrapped later stories that were pressured to be frans related and instead made them into personal characters.

it’s fucked up seeing people get chased and hurt over fictional things. things that aren’t physically harming anyone, at least when they’re contained properly. things you shouldn’t be actively looking for if you don’t like it. things that people may actually be doing to cope with their own trauma. i watch so many people looking for hate, or reasons to be angry. i think that adds to much sadness overall. i can’t say much for those who don’t go about tagging things properly for those who don’t want to see things other than "please work on that."

when i played undertale, i lived vicariously through frisk as i played. they were quite frankly, a blank slate. i was able to self-insert in a way. due to story aspects, i felt the monsters were like... old old. like ancient beings that lived lives unfathomably long beyond the human lifespan. beyond the passage of time.

i fell in love with characters and aspects and ideas it gave. i fell in love with it’s world, the possibility of other worlds like it, and exciting wacky hijinks. i took interest in others making au's and thought about how i could make my own. what my own life lacked or couldn’t give me. the family and friends i found through it. 

toby really kicked everyone’s ass with this one, and i hope he does it again and again. and i pray he continues to succeed. because he made something beautiful.

now for what i had to deal with, during the failed attempt of making my story…

i have had to process a lot of neglect from family and home in recent years. though i’m older now, it still hurts. things still linger and sting harder than they should. they say it gets better but it really sticks and comes back in many ways that make life so much harder than it should be. it’s only made harder when people want you to be better, but it takes time to get there. sometimes people can't be with each other because of it, which is something i've had to learn over and over again. it takes so much time and it takes it away from everything you hope can be good and great in your life.

growing up was a nightmare. i’ve had to grow up with abandonment from my mom. neglect from my dad. i've had to deal with them trying to reach back out and my feelings on whether or not it's deserved. or if i'm even ready to handle it yet. many times i'm not.

i’ve had to deal with surgery to fix my body from disgusting and life ending deformation as a toddler which still leaves scars on my body today. my family has told me i’m lucky to even be alive. sometimes i almost wish it took me, because the world is cruel. but at the same time, i want to live so, so badly.

i’ve had to deal with manipulation and rape from someone almost ten years older than me in household when i was just a child. from five to nine. threats of being compliant and not to speak up or else my life was in danger. being physically trapped for hours while my body was a tool. later this fell onto another child of a caretaker for my sister, which is the only reason i got away from it. so i never got the chance to speak up myself and that effects me to this day. i was told years later this same thing happened to my older, severely autistic sister prior. someone who literally cannot verbally communicate or function without help from another. my grandmother telling me she left before because my father didn’t believe her. this all meaning, this is something that could have never happened.

i've had to handle my grandmother’s physical and verbal abuse for the rest of the those years after she came back to take care of my sister. my sister didn't escape abuse either. i would be stuck listening to her convince me as i got older and barely making it out of school that wouldn’t ever survive on my own. that i would never make it. that i would never find love. that i’d be eating fucking “saltines and ketchup” on the streets. i’ve had to deal with eating disorder because of her and various other disgusting shit i don’t want to add that the fear had made me succumb to. i didn’t leave my room for days at a time unless i was forced to. i didn’t sleep properly, to the point of passing out for minutes at a time. anyone who used to come to streams would know, i used to fall asleep while drawing with my brother. in many ways, my grandmother has made me so functionally stagnant, which is so hard to combat now.

cutting out all the general silliness and nonsense i would make just to smile once in a while, my art and flowerfell was an escape for me. it was a way to express my pain and hope that there was some sort of out. that there were friends to be made and love to be had. family to be found. that if you’re strong enough maybe you can be redeemable and make it to the end. frisk was hope. sans was strength. and all of the friends they were supposed to make along the way were support.

but at the same time, i clearly wasn’t able to handle the scale of what it became. i wasn’t ready for the crowd, i wasn’t ready to make a coherent and straight story, and was too giving and lenient. i wasn't ready for the "godlihood" people were pressing on me when i was just a normal person. it made making real friends a hassle. i didn't know who was honest or using me. many people have used me.

i was scared after it fell apart and got toxic. that people can take and twist and hate no matter how hard you try. i didn’t understand a lot of things back then or how to defend myself. i didn't understand how to combat theft, i didn't understand fiction kin, i didn't understand self care or boundaries for others and myself. i didn't understand a lot of things. i try really hard to understand now.

for all intents and purposes, it was getting septic. i was getting septic at that time and for some time after. and because of that i lost not only my story, but my friends and my sanity. i wasn’t able to keep it together for them or myself. i was hurt and hurting others by proxy. and i am so sorry for it. all of it.

i was only saved by finally being taken away from home by someone who actually took a chance on me. someone who made time for me even when i was getting reclusive. someone who loves me through all of that even if i hurt them terribly in the process, and may even still in all the faults i'm working on. despite everything, they're still with me today.

to this day i find flowerfell hard to look at without feeling various stages of grief. i have many degrees of anger and sadness, at times hopeless acceptance. not necessarily towards anyone anymore, but that i was unable to finish it. or felt i was unable to. that i'm unable to surpass it. that i was so fearful of loss and parts of myself being taken away when i already felt i had so little. how it blinded me to what good i had at so many times. how it’s destroyed my ability to create and fall in love with characters i like or make, and their worlds. no matter how hard i try now. that it’s taken my ability to trust, communicate, and form steady relationships with people. how it effects even those who have stayed and try so hard. that it’s taken my ability to share and feel safe doing so. even with people i'm close with today.

even situations on how helpful it’s been for people over the years, and deeper connections to self or others they’ve found in the progression of time because of it. i’m not unhappy for those who have, i’m grateful that people have found their hearts in it. it was made with unfathomable love and there’s incredible pain on having given up continuing what could have been more. what else people could have connected with or felt. there was so much i didn’t get to share, and got too angry and scared to give.

i grew to believe people didn’t deserve it anymore because of what i and my friends at the time were going through. i no longer wanted to feel hurt. i no longer wanted my friends to be hurt. and i violently took it away into myself, which has hurt me even more over the years.

i want to believe people would have liked the ending, and anything that would come after that. it was going to have a good ending.

later i would find the fear of parts being taken would be connected to discovering plurality in myself, and recently finding out in therapy i’m probably not too separated from my sister in being on the spectrum, adding to all of that and more. i’d have to process that feelings became separated and another struggle to deal with. that i was dissociating from everything so hard these feelings are expressed as their own apart from me, but still with me. that this was my way of not being alone with what i had. it is not a kind thing. while they're like family to me, it is also a cage.

it would take me years to actually discover what this was properly, having to go through a whole ordeal of manipulation and problems from that alone. i would have to deal with them also being stolen and taken advantage of due to complacency and misunderstanding. which has made every bit of fear with what came before twice as difficult. however, i've also had good people along the way, and i hope they stay with me for a very long time.

because of this i’ve learned a lot about systems and kinships and reasons why these exist. how these things can make people feel at home. i have changed a lot of views on it and how these things help people, even if they’re strange at times… i’m not mad about it anymore. if it helps people it helps people. other people are trying to survive too. i just ask people be respectful about it.

i don’t hate fanart or others trying to make stories anymore. as someone who struggles now with even a fraction of creating any amount of work i used to, i’m more glad than not that it’s encouraging people to improve and move forward. but i won’t ever accept discredit because at the root it is mine still. i made this for myself before i made it for others. it will always be a part of me, even if painful now.

i’m just tired. i’m tired and i hope over time i’ll be able to rest.

sigh.

to kaze, your document is faithful and i won’t argue that any of it is wrong or malicious. there was a lot missing from that video that could and should have been added. it wasn't just about shipping, but a lot more. i hope people will leave you and others alone about flowerfell and ship nonsense at the end of the day. especially when your stories were wonderful and aren’t hurting anyone. while we’re not on good terms, i do wish them a very "fuck off and move on."

however, i will not accept the statement that you were helpful to my mental health, or to others involved to begin with. trying to be, maybe, but it faltered.

apart from encouraging anger towards the fanbase either on my or by your own hands, flipping the switch between telling me to keep going and giving up. you fully took advantage of the complacency i had to go through at home to survive and had to unlearn for many years prior. you weaponized your problems at home onto us. this compiled everything, probably for both of us. this would only continue on to my system in many ways.

you actively encouraged suicidal behavior within the group, provoking my brother into a pact at his lowest. you took advantage of me and my brother mentally and sexually. knowing full well of our issues and my own csa, you still crossed lines. doing or sharing things without warning or prior consent and conversation, at times even within public groups. fighting back or saying something about these things were difficult because everyone was sensitive at the time. even if things were jokes at times, it didn't always come across that way.

i watched blind fight so hard for you in many ways even when they were struggling so badly with their own physical health, even staying in the end. i don't know if they're doing well or are still there now which is another string of worries.

what hurt the most is that for years you blamed me for an attempt because i “didn’t love you enough to talk to you or be honest” and held it over my head instead of explaining until the very last second before i left that it was because of home. you continued to comment in ways up until that point, then deleting things as if i couldn’t see logs. every single day i thought you were going to just be gone in an instant without warning. that i and others would lose one of our best friends. i grew so afraid of talking to you because of this. i was scared to hurt people more in anger of that. it is still something that terrifies me to this day.

flowerfell wasn’t the break of our friendship, it was the inability to handle the weight of taking care of someone who was unwilling to work on themself on top of all of that, while being unable to take care of myself at the same time. not being enough. that nothing of what little i could give would ever fix what was happening, and that i was being used as an escape method. much like my brother was. we weren’t good for each other anymore. and while i wanted to keep holding on, many people told me i had to let go and they were right. i'm sorry that it wasn't completely by my own voice that i let go.

i don’t even hate you anymore, if i even ever really did to begin with. the most i get is mad and i may say the word "hate" in anger, and that is entirely my own fault for checking in once in a while to see if you’re still breathing or getting better. because i cared a long fucking time and i think parts of me still do. i can’t say there weren’t fond memories or good times and i still have gifts i won’t throw away. and i won’t discredit that i do see you trying really hard for yourself now, which is a hopeful feeling and all i and others ever wanted. even if we may never speak directly again, because i don’t think that would be good for either of us, i hope it keeps going well.

but i don’t think you have the right to say i’m a bad person as if you weren’t just as bad yourself. you effected me and others just as badly.

we don't have to forgive each other. but i do hope, after a long time, we can forgive ourselves.

-

just a last little edit:

before you start congratulating someone who added to the entire severity of literally everything, understand this:

we were not driven by her or her alone. this is not her fucking win. this is the result of friends and good people saying we should speak up and needed to be heard for years. this is because we have support we actually feel safe with and finally decided we're fucking tired. we didn’t speak simply because she put out some silly little document. she only added to the fucking misery that everyone else has brought on about this! 

this is for ourselves!! thanks! and goodbye! - =D

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

the arguments about palestine that changed a zionist's mind in real life:

THIS IS RHETORIC. IT WAS DESIGNED TO CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE'S MIND, NOT TO PORTRAY MY FUNDAMENTAL BELIEFS AND UNDERSTANDINGS OF THE CONFLICT.

stressing equal rights as the solution to political violence. i usually start w "the single most influential factor to joining a terrorist group or a gang is hopelessness, the idea that there is no other way for them to create a livable future in which their family can eat." in this, the progression from the peaceful and unarmed 2018 Day of Return (emphasize injuries and casualties; opening fire at protestors attempting to just walk out of an "open air prison," half of whom were under 18. if they had been allowed to leave and seek political rights, october 7 never would have happened. every escalation is a result of lack of human rights. "everyone deserves human rights without qualifier, and everyone deserves equal legal rights under the law. most problems are actually side effects of this initial problem. who lacks legal rights in Israel?"

sidestep Hamas completely. refuse to engage. "there is a geographic region in the middle east whose border touches the mediterranean. Jewish people and Palestinian people live here. the government of this geographic region must then care equally for Jewish lives and Palestinian lives because that's who lives there, and just democracies give equal rights to everyone, right?" americans will be HARD PRESSED to say no. "you're pro-palestinian"

"Ethnostates are bad. We know that ethnostates are oppressive goverments that choose permanently harming a portion of second-class citizens. The whole world already has people in it, and there is nowhere to establish an ethnostate that does not require the violent removal of people who already live there. You Also Don't Need An Ethnostate to Be Safe. You need equal rights." Excerpts from Ch. 3 A Theory of Genocide from Scott Straus' Making and Unmaking Nations explaining the inherent genocidal risk of founding narratives that serve one group to the exclusion of others was very effective coupled with current death tolls.

Israel puts Jews in more danger by associating them with real human rights abuses and telling the world they're doing it in the name of Jewishness. "My neighbors have nothing to do with the violent actions of a nation-state. Additionally, you are my community member and this is already your home. The base requirement of your community members here is to make your home safe for you, not chase you halfway around the globe where we won't have to "deal with you" anymore. Your fight is here by my side making our real current community safe for everyone, not millions of miles away using bombs on civilians."

The story of the Golem, in which something created to protect Jewish communities from antisemitism grew too powerful and too violent and had to be destroyed before it destroyed the community itself in its uncontrollable rage. this actually should have been number 1 because this is used to structure the entire thing. the Golem is the last argument I brought up, but I knew I was going to bring it up the whole time and every single argument was structured to reinforce it. Continuously through the conversation, I stressed trauma responses, fear, and conservatism. they've done studies where they asked people for their political opinions, waited weeks, brought them back, shared recent headlines (divided between positive/hopeful and negative/fearmongering), and found that after being shown fearmongering headlines, the second round of responses were more conservative no matter where the subject started. there's a reason zionism was invented well before the holocaust but didn't gain widespread support in Jewish communities until after. I approached from a fundamental position of empathy. I used rising antisemitism as my lead-in to the topic, I talked extensively about how Jewish people always have Israel in the back of their head as a refuge and escape-- "if it ever gets too bad here, i have somewhere safe to run to"-- and as a result feel an intense sense of existential fear when asked to criticize or challenge it. I talked about how there are no moral dimensions to feeling (you just get to have them) but by the same metric, it means your feelings are not indicative of political truth. Being scared doesn't mean you're really in danger. All of it specifically chosen to reinforce this idea of Israel as a Golem whose violent rage must be addressed by Jewish people for the sake of preserving their own community.

that's what worked. coming at it from a fundamental position of empathy for my Jewish community members and asking them to give Palestinians the same unbending demand for human rights and safety that I am giving to everyone in this moment. showing them that their safety is not mutually exclusive to each other. part of it is capacity creation. massaging their perspective of the conflict and balming some of their most immediate and disruptive fears for themselves so that the space created by relief can turn to empathy. which is easier to do when someone is modeling it right in front of you.

[luxlightly]

Reading comprehension and literary analysis 101: Interpretation vs Intent vs Readings

So, after making my post about the two headed calf poem, there's been pretty extensive argument in the notes about whether or not "all interpretations are valid". The main issue causing the argument is that what we're taught (at least in the American school system, which is what I have the most knowledge of) about "interpretations" is extremely lacking if not outright false. Here, I'm going to break down what an interpretation is and how it differs from author intent, opinion, and "readings".

The first and most important thing to remember about discussion of basically any field of study is that it is meant to have a use. We learn things in the American school system to answer questions on tests, not to utilize the knowledge.

It's a bit like learning how to hold a screwdriver but never being explained that you can use it to tighten screws. You use tools for a purpose, be they physical tools or intellectual. Sure, you could use a screwdriver to hammer in a nail, but it's not going to be as effective and may even hinder your progress.

Literary analysis is also a tool. We use it to extract meaning from works and to expand our understanding of topics, of other people, of ourselves, and of the world around us. An analysis that gives a false impression of these things is, like the screwdriver being used as a hammer, not helpful and even actively hindering.

Understanding that, we should understand these facets of literary analysis, using the short example story.

"Steve eats 10 apples every day. Bob hates Steve."

1: The text

This is the exact words as they appear. Many times, the only thing we are presented with when we read a piece of literature is the text itself. This can limit our understanding significantly.

2: Context

The physical, cultural, emotional, and historical circumstances in which the work was written

3: Intent

What the author, at the time of writing, intended for the audience to understand the piece to mean

4: Interpretation

A deduction about what the piece means, what can be gathered from it, and what significance it has, based on evidence from the text.

5: Reading

A reading is an interpretation of the text through a certain cultural lens (ie: a queer reading, a feminist reading).

6: Opinion

A purely subjective judgement of the quality of a work based on individual preference

So the text of our piece is "Steve eats 10 apples every day. Bob hates Steve."

From only that, we can make any number of interpretations, supported in varying degrees by the text.

Interpretation 1: "Bob doesn't like that Steve eats so many apples." While the text does not directly tell us that Steve's enjoyment of apples is related to Bob's dislike, it's a reasonable jump of logic to make since his eating of apples is mentioned just before the statement about Bob's dislike for him.

Interpretation 2: "Bob hates apples". This is more of a jump from the text than the first, but could still be defended. We know Bob hates Steve and we know Steve eats apples. It could be argued that it's the apples Bob really hates.

Interpretation 3: "Bob likes oranges". This interpretation isn't supported by the text at all. It doesn't help us better understand the text. As a tool, it serves no purpose. Is it "valid" in the sense that you're allowed to believe it's true? Sure. But it doesn't function as the tool it's intended to be and therefore isn't useful to discussion of the piece.

Which brings us to Context.

Let's say this piece was written during the Great Apple Famine where only the very richest people could afford apples and we know the author grew up very poor during this period of time.

This changes how we understand the piece. It would be understood instantly by those reading the piece at the time of writing that Steve must be very rich to afford so many apples. It would not have needed to be stated outright in the text because the context in which it was written was the same in which it was being read.

Knowing that now, it changes what our interpretations may be. Bob may hate Steve because he is wealthy. Bob may hate Steve because he is jealous of his wealth or of the apples themselves. It could be a statement on greed. Or it could still just be about apples. But our toolbox for understanding and gaining meaning from the work has expanded significantly.

Intent:

We rarely get to know exactly what an author's intent for a work is, especially an older work where the author is no longer alive. Many interpretations, therefore, are attempts to understand the author's intent. However, they don't need to be and, in fact, can often be more useful when they are not.

For example, there's an interesting message in our example story about how the excessive displays of wealth of the rich leads to resentment from the less wealthy and how scarcity is a constructed state. These interesting interpretations help us better understand the world and other people.

But let's consider, then, that, shockingly, the author's actual intended message was "Bob likes oranges", something we've established is not evident in the text or particularly useful to discussion of the work. The author is just not good at writing.

In this case, we actually come away with something more meaningful and useful to us when we do not focus on the author's intent. Intent gives us more context for the piece, but is not the end goal of literary discussion.

A reading often entirely and purposefully discards author intent and instead identifies and recontextualizes the text through a specific lens.

For example, let's do a quick religious reading of the text.

"Apples are symbols of original sin in the Christian Bible. We can therefore read Steve as representing one who frequently engages in sinful activity and Bob as being distainful of him for his sinfulness."

It's important to remember that readings like this often are fully aware they are not the intended original meaning of the work. They're just another tool. For example, this reading might help us understand how, even without meaning to, the author may associate apples with sin or negativity. What does that say about the use of that symbolism in our society and how inescapable it is? Or maybe it wouldn't help with that. But the point is that, whether or not it succeeds, it's a tool for better understanding or world and the people in it.

As for opinions, they can't be wrong or right because they are subjective. They aren't judged on any real metric. They can be somewhat helpful in judging a work but ultimately are just a personal feeling. They, unlike interpretation and readings, are not tools for understanding.

So what does this all mean in relation to the two headed cow poem?

If the author's intent is to show how life is precious, even if it's fleeting, does interpreting it as "mankind is cruel to things that are different" really help us in understanding the work and the world around us? If the interpretation contradicts the intent so completely that it's entirely lost, then this new message is what we have to judge and does "mankind is cruel" really tell us anything true about the world or the piece? Or is it just needless pessimism? What does "valid" even mean or matter in the context of literary analysis?

At some point, certain interpretations become counter productive to discussion of the piece. No one can stop you from interpreting something a certain way, but at some point you're using a screwdriver as a hammer and you're just putting holes in the wall.

[justlostintheinternet]

HERE IS MY RAMBLING CONCERNING TMAGP 17

Spoilers under the cut of course

Disclaimer: I spent 2 hours on this post making theories up as I went. It's probably not making sense in some ways but at this point I just want to finish it because even if it was fun to write I'm kind of too tired of it to reread it for typos and everything. Please feel free to point out things that do not make sence and make your own theories (I love reading them and will probably reply but I'm just done at the moment), but I won't change anything on this post because I don't want to spend another 2 hours or more theorising.

Okay so there a lot happening in this episode... Let's talk about Today's "Protagonist" statement, Darrien.

Statement and Research assessment for candidate PD553 Magnus Institute – Oxford Outreach Centre. Private and confidential. Viability as subject – low Viability as agent – low Viability as catalyst – low Recommend continued incarceration as part of Welling Mutare Materia research program.

The Magnus institute makes a comeback ! In this document, Darrien is said to be a candidate, not a patient, not a suspect, a candidate.

And with it's viability on everything, I'm part of the people convinced TMAGP Magnus Institute served the same purpose as the Institute for TMA.

Viability as catalyst - For me, a catalyst would be the tipping point to send the world into an apocalypse, (so the equivalent of Jon/the Archivists).

Viability as agent – For the Agents, I think this would be more like the Assistants in TMA. Here to "help" the catalyst reach the goal of the Institute. Or also maybe something kind of similar to the Externals of the OIAR, to take care of "nuisances" Viability as subject – I'm a bit more lost considering the subjects. But it could perhaps be "Test subjects", in a trying artefacts and spooky powers on them way ? This is the one I'm less certain about.

One question I'm wondering, is the Magnus Institute still fully Eye aligned, perhaps being more controled by the Web, or since the fears have been said to be more muddled in TMAGP (Said by Jonny or Alex if I'm right), just wanting to bring the apocalypse without any perticular Fear getting more control ?

Coming back to Darrien.

He got caught, probably having Sharon tipping the institute off (With a Statement perhaps ? Having your violent boss mysterious half-brother/doppleganger killing him and taking his place would probably work as a statement)

I’ve lived Darien’s life for four years now. It wasn’t as hard as you’d think, turns out your world and mine are pretty similar.

The whole statement makes me think of the woman in TMA with Hill Top Road, who 'slipped' into another world.

And of course, of the person classifying this statement, our dear Celia.

The Case finishes and CELIA considers it for a moment. ALICE is sat nearby working with headphones on. CELIA (to computer) Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same is it? ALICE (removing earbuds) What's up? Got a good one? CELIA Nothing useful. ALICE (returning earbuds) I mean when are they ever? CELIA True. Beat. She sighs. CELIA CONT. (to herself) True.

I have to admit first, one of the first thoughts that came to mind on the Celia situation after this episode was "She didn't kill her other self to steal her son and her place, right ?"

But, this part makes me think otherwise

Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same is it?

Not exactly the same, so I'm more of the opinion that she relates more to the 'getting stuck in another world' part rather then the 'murdering your other self'.

The baby, Jack could have came from her pre-TMA apocalypse life, which could explain the lack of father (hard to ask for child support from a man you don't remember in another world (if she is the same Celia as in TMA, and don't even remember her own name, Id say it's not too far fetched that she might not remember a significant other), with the pregnancy perhaps having been halted from progressing by the domains, a cryptic pregnancy or just something that wasn't mentioned in the TMA episodes or more simply, it could be a one night stand that lead to nowhere in TMAGP world.

Now at this point, I think it's pretty safe to say that Celia came to work in the OIAR looking for information, on how she came to this world or the reason she seems to sleepwalk.

Talking about her sleepwalking accidents, she woke up next to an highway and on the tracks of a train. Now I wonder why whatever is trying to kill her by putting her in dangerous situations, because I don't think normal sleepwalking takes you to Oxford.

Writing this I realised the document mentionned Oxford Outreach Center as some kind of a branch of the Magnus Institute, and it's also mentioned as a place where the rich Darrien had gone to university.

So there the possibility that something is trying to kill her (perhaps because she doesn't belong in this world), but also she could be attracted to some kind of place ?

LOOKING BACK TO HILL TOP ROAD ON GOOGLE MAPS I REALISED THAT

1: It's located in Oxford

2: There is multiple universities around it

So she could be attracted to Hill Top Road because there might be some kind of pull to it for people from other universes. Because at this point I don't think her and Darrien are the only ones that ended up in another universe.

Anyway, there was a new receptionist behind the old front desk, some big, soft looking guy who stumbled over every word. A year ago, it would have probably wound me right up but what can I say? Therapy works. There was another patient too, some bookish-looking guy with serious city miles. I used to play the game “what are you in for” where I would pass the time guessing… well, you know. In my head he was definitely some kind of weird pervert, really into stroking orchids or something. Thinking back, I almost wonder if the same thing happened to them… Do you know? Would you even tell me if you did?

This feels a LOT like a red hearing, I can almost hear Jonny and Alex cackling knowing we would freak out about those descriptions. I want JonMart to be okay, but I think they could just be lookalikes of TMA Jmart. Or just alternate universe versions of Jon and Martin because i'm still dead set on the TMA Jon, Martin and Jonah are stuck in the putter theory.

If I'm following the dopplegangers we have here, Darrien ended up with his other self and killed him. Celia (aka probably TMA Lynne Hammond), couldn't remember her own name, so it could probably be difficult to track her TMAGP self (who would probably still be name Lynne since Celia only lost her name in the apocalypse) if she has one, suffer from sleepwalking that tries to kill her/bring her back to Hill Top Road.

Could something try to eliminate doppegangers so there is only one left in a universe ? And since Celia can't find TMAGP Lynne, something could try to make things "right" by killing one the double.

[riddler-green]

Tea for three. 1

Summary: Flood consequences.

A/n: holaaa! Hellooo!!!1 I hope you have a great day, it took me a while to update because I came back from summer vacation and went back to college. Also start a Flufftober! (My AO3 ✮⋆˙)

With nothing more to comment, enjoy! ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Words: 6,120.

You looked at the ceiling of your cell while lying on your bed, wanting to distract yourself as much as possible from your current situation before falling into despair. 

You thought this might apply to a psychological experiment of some sort and you are the test subject, how long will you last between two psychotic neighbors whose vocal cords can't seem to get enough?

You estimate an hour before you finally scream out of annoyance.

But just as a possible psychological experiment can also be torture, the two didn't shut up for quite some time, the Joker laughed while your other neighbor sobbed making pitiful noises. You can't believe this is the same guy who made that whole malevolent spectacle.

You peeked your head out earlier and there you saw him, lying in the corner of the doorway where you can see him, his face swollen with tears, his expression shattered. It had to be him, there was no doubt that it was the same man, the one who terrorized everyone, lying like that, as if he hadn't done everything he did.

It was strange to see him like that, like he was sorry for what he did but you know that's a slight possibility. 

You close your eyes about to sleep when you hear the voice of the Joker, speaking in a way you had not heard him speak before, with a gentle voice comforting your other neighbor. 

It was not a dream, you heard it perfectly, he said a riddle to your other neighbor, for what purpose? 

That sounded somewhat comforting to Riddler, as he stops crying and gives a few small laughs at the riddle. 

You listened to the small interaction with an uneasy feeling, you kept silent in all those hours, hiding your presence.

You wish you didn't have nightmares tonight.

A week after the flood was indescribable, so fast but still the hours were just as slow, a lot of lost personnel, and security guards asked for days off to clean up their own lives, and some people disappeared in the waves of the city. You saw it all from your new cell, you managed to see the security screens with the news already on, the guards themselves needed to know what was happening instantly. Since the Joker was transferred to another cell for almost killing a nurse, the hours have been quieter. 

You saw him being led by several guards, he took his time to say goodbye to your neighbor and you, as he turned towards the cells, his haggard face gleaming, his smile rotten.

You want to talk to someone about it, but no one is available, your therapist's apartment was completely flooded and he was given a few weeks, on the other hand, Jonathan must be in Bludhaven, you're not that worried about him since he was fortunately out of town when all this happened, but still a part of you just wishes he was okay wherever he is.

Throughout that week, the news was devoted to showing the progress of the city's recovery, showing the heroic deeds of the Bat. When you wake up the first thing you do is look through the door at the morning news, see what Batman had done.

You saw reports of him saving too many people, you learned that he put your neighbor's supporters in their place in Bella Real's speech as the new mayor. You doubted Batman was the hero most said he was, but seeing him helping people made you change your opinion of him a bit.

Just a little bit. 

The news was your only entertainment these days, they didn't even let you go out to the library or other spaces except the showers, you understand, that the hard blow that the city received also had repercussions in the hospital, and you fear that the little peace you had achieved in these months will go down the drain for another patient with as much fame as the Joker. 

There was no worse punishment than this weird isolation imposed on you and perhaps all the other patients as a curfew to calm the waters and have less work. 

You haven't wanted to interact with your only neighbor so far, you don't know him, you have no idea how evil he can be so you leave him alone and he also doesn't seem to acknowledge your existence. In the evenings he would cry, for a few hours, and he wasn't so outrageous that you could reproach him for anything, it sounded like he was trying to be as quiet as possible but you still heard him.

It was a mix of emotions, your moral conscience spun and spun like a hamster wheel in search of an answer. As much as you heard the man cry seeing him like that didn't take away from the fact that he is still dangerous. Serial killers are notorious for having a lack of empathy, he proved that point when he did that twisted game with Batman. Now, he's just another Arkham patient like you, he no longer has his mask or his people, he's left alone.

You've watched him through the glass of your door, you've witnessed his daily routine of crying, you don't say anything to him. You just watch him analyzing every single thing he does when he stands in that corner near the door.

You felt like in your college days, already graduated and working. You saw too many people in that same state as your neighbor is now, sadness and crying is normal for human beings. But to say that the man you are looking at lamenting falls under the word "normal" is wrong.

You can't help but have that clinical eye even though you no longer need it, the reaction to his imprisonment is rather curious in your opinion. His capture was supposed to have already been established, so why is he crying? out of regret? out of fear? 

Before you could make any further progress in deciphering your neighbor, you were transferred to your previous cell, where you were better off. When they took you out you saw him out of the corner of your eye, he also looked at you, his face pressed against the glass, with his eyes open, you could only see him for a few seconds before the guards forced you to walk, that minimal interaction they had was strange, they did not speak at all, but his expression was communicating something. Did he know that you had been watching him all these days?

A month has passed since the flood caused by The Riddler, and half of the city has been successfully cleaned up, but the aftermath of the masked killer's anger has yet to be healed. 

You have seen the slow but sure progress through the window of your previous cell, the one you have called home on the nights when loneliness affects you the most, this time you can be more at ease knowing that you have no neighbors who could kill you if you are careless.

Through the window you saw the city of Gotham, the same city you haven't set foot in almost a year, you see the reconstructions of the bridges and where the bombs exploded, as the people trying to live their lives as if nothing had happened, walking between the big puddles, wearing rain boots up to their knees and covered with raincoats. 

You hear someone calling you from the door of your cell, you are so entertained with the panorama of the city that you don't even hear the first time they call you.

The second time your call sounds louder and you turn around in surprise, at the door there is a nurse with an envelope in his hand, you take a few steps through your cell and reach the nurse, but he keeps silent while he hands you an envelope with something inside through the crack of the cell door, the nurse leaves without saying anything, you thank him quietly grabbing the envelope and looking at it between your hands.

It's a simple yellowish-colored envelope with some wrinkles, you quickly open the envelope and take out what's inside.

"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" you whisper in bewilderment at the cover of the book that was inside the envelope, a certainly unusual book with a colorful exterior with the five iconic characters walking down the yellow path, you found the drawings on the cover so fascinating that you almost forgot the most important part which is to look inside the book for a message. 

On the first title page, you read Jonathan's neat, fine cursive handwriting.

Appearances can be deceiving. 

Below the short sentence is his signature with the first initial of his name.

It doesn't bother you, his dedications are usually that frank, they usually have to do with the content of the works he gives you, maybe he said it for the Wizard of Oz? Why was he a phony? 

However you are touched by the gift, you return to your bed to start the new book in your hands, leaving the window and its view.

You hear Mr. M sigh for the third time, you want to ask him if he is okay but he is the therapist, and you are not. So you just keep silent closing your eyes and lying on the new couch in his office. You turned your head to look at him as he continued to write down whatever he was working on, you could see his tiredness, and his eyelids with dark circles under his eyes were noticeable, however, he remained level-headed but not trapped in his stoic appearance.

His stiffness is still there, but his posture is calmer, and the speed with which he writes also becomes slow and smooth, different from the small sounds of his pen moving fluidly when he gave you psychotherapy before the disaster.

There was an awkwardness in the air, apparently you only perceive it that way, Mr. M keeps writing, and you keep seeing him, maybe…

"Things are getting back to how they used to be..." your voice sounds a little hoarse due to the lack of speech these past few days, since you were isolated due to the flood talking to your therapist didn't sound so bad anymore.

"So it seems" he comments to you in a reflective voice without looking at you but acknowledges your comment, you change your lying position to a sitting one, the feel of the texture of the couch is so nice that if you continued lying down you would fall asleep.

You continue to analyze Mr. M, no words are needed to communicate something, and unexpectedly it calmed you to see your therapist in a different state than his professional and robotic self, the consequences of his private life were shown through his small gestures.

"Are you all right?" you ask without thinking too much, Mr. M is surprised to hear you stop writing to raise his head and look at you "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking".

You nod your head at his answer even though you don't believe him, your interest remains but you don't insist. Slowly you get up from the couch to stretch your legs, the handcuffs on your wrists make contact with your skin as usual, your therapist puts down his tablet with documents and starts to look at you in silence. You walk to your favorite spot, the window of his office.

"Will I ever get out of here?" is a question you ask yourself every day when a crippling pessimism clouding your vision makes you want to hide in your bed, or when you witness the sunrises from your tiny cell window. But since the flood, those rays of hope you once had of one day getting out of Arkham are gone.

"I would like to think that at some point you will be able to complete your reintegration process, but that decision is made by different people" You hear his pen coming into contact with his notepads again, as you go back to your routine of watching the scenery.

You sigh, it was a good answer but it wasn't what you wanted to hear, again "the isolation is getting to me" you declare bitterly, leaving behind the silent treatment you once gave Mr. M.

"You will return to your lucrative activities as soon as possible, in addition to the fact that visits have already been enabled again."

No one visits you, that's a truth that hurts you, you're pretty sure Batman won't be visiting you for a long time, he must be too busy cleaning up a whole city. 

"Will I be able to go back to the library?" you stop looking out the window to look at your therapist, and you see him smile kindly (something that happens very rarely).

"Of course," he replies.

Some books in Arkham's "library" have never been read, or well, touched so to speak, there are books whose pages are completely stuck together and covered in dust, with the pages a brownish color. 

In your hands is one of that style, it's a children's crossword book, you estimate about three hundred pages just by looking at it, the pages remain hard and difficult to use but nothing you haven't seen before.

You try to dust it off with the sleeve of your uniform, you don't care if you end up with dirt on your clothes if it's the price to pay for being in the library again. If it weren't for the fact that there were more people in the room than you, you would have jumped for joy at the sight of the bookshelves you missed so much.

Speaking of people, you were amazed when you entered the room to see what other prisoners were visiting the library. You kept a low profile by ducking your head and moved nimbly between bookcases to keep away from the other patients who were doing their own thing.

Back to the book, it is a valuable treasure, because despite its condition, all the crossword puzzles are blank, a rare occurrence, as usually books are scratched with dedications or phrases written between pages, after all, Arkham books are donated.

You smile as you place your discovery on the book cart to be ordered, but suddenly, a screeching sound makes you almost throw the book on the floor with fright.

It was a scream of pain, you left your cart to discreetly head towards the source of the scream. You poke your head through a bookcase to see an unexpected scene.

Two patients fighting, something that happens all too often, yet you find it peculiar that no guard has separated them yet. 

You watch silently as the confrontation happens, a patient threatening with his fist and another guy who tries to defend himself, you do not know what to do, in situations like these it is best not to interfere, Arkham patients are different from each other, but all are a box of surprise that you do not know what awaits you.

You recognize one of them, making your blood run cold, the man who was defending himself with his arms is none other than the fucking Riddler.

You frowned at the memory, and now that you see him without the glass of your cell separating them you contemplate his appearance in detail, glasses with a broken lens, his baggy uniform, and no doubt you notice his height, from your cell you couldn't help but notice how tall he is.

You don't recognize the other patient who looks with uncontrollable rage at the Riddler, his fist still threatening him, he speaks looking directly at him, you don't manage to hear his conversation but you don't like what might happen.

You conflict with yourself, go forward or backward, you tell yourself that you should walk away and ignore the fight, but, that empathic part of you is still alive despite the injustices that fate has dealt you.

"Hey!" you speak loudly, you take a few slow steps, the two turn to see you and you almost regret having spoken, the angry face of the unknown patient does not go away, but that does not stop you from moving towards them, now that you have the aggressive patient's attention you are not going to waste them "Could you stop fighting? guards do not get nice when there are disputes" your negotiating skills were rusty and you realized it when you talked to them, that's what happens for being alone for so many days. 

You see the patient's face getting angrier and angrier, you have dealt with people with anger issues, but this is very different, you don't know this person or the reasons for his stay in Arkham, at any moment he can attack you but you just don't falter your gaze, yes, he intimidating you but he must not know that.

"And who are you?" he speaks annoyed and you open your mouth to introduce yourself but he interrupts you "Ah, I know you" his irritation changes with a sarcastic smile and he moves closer to you.

"I-" you try to say something but again he interrupts you "You're Crane's pet, aren't you?" he asks letting out a laugh, your words die in your mouth as you process what he said, you take his words off guard.

What did he just say?"

"No" you reply in bewilderment, the patient's smile growing as he hears your curt reply.

"Okay" he raises his palms in surrender but his look full of madness unsettles you, he quickly turns to look at the riddle still lying on the ground "This isn't over, freak" he points his finger at him with a threatening tone, and walks away from you, you let out a held sigh when you have lost sight of him.

You direct your eyes to the man lying on the floor, his face says only one thing: surprise. It looked like his green eyes were going to pop out of his wide-open ones, the two of you remain in an awkward silence until you approach him offering your hand. 

He hesitates for a few seconds to grab your hand, but he takes it, without saying anything you help him up, and without waiting for him to say anything you walk away with your back to him. 

You don't want to get involved with a man like the Riddler, someone so popular and hated, you wouldn't be surprised if everyone is plotting something very horrible for him, as they say, prisons can be a real hell. Arkham is many things, a psychiatric hospital, a prison for criminals, or the perfect place to do your clinical internship. 

But you saved him from that patient, and you still can't find the reason why you helped him, you tell yourself it's just a matter of principle.

On your way back to your book cart, which is still intact, you can't stop thinking about what that patient told you.

<Crane's pet>

You thought the friendly "relationship" you have with Jonathan was discreet but from what you see it's not, so that's what they call you? How do they make fun of you? Calling you in a derogatory way Jonathan Crane's pet. Deep inside you feel that sometimes that's what you are to him, that insecure part that grows from the lack of human contact, Jonathan is a renowned person both in Arkham and Gotham, you're just a patient, why would he want to be your friend? 

You haven't seen him in weeks and that's starting to distress you, you only know he's still alive because of the book he gave you, but you don't know if the flood also affected him. It's the first time since you were locked up that you haven't seen him in a long time, and although you don't want to admit it, it's affecting you. 

You miss him.

You miss his visits, the times he seeks you out to see you and chat about trivial things. Despite Jonathan's firm attitude, you consider him as a confidant, your best friend, maybe something more.

All the while you stare at the doors waiting for him to come in in one of his stupidly fancy outfits and ask you how you've been doing. You pick up another old book and wipe it off with your uniform, the excess dust making you sneeze. You leave the book in its place to rub your nose, while hoping your sneeze doesn't mean a possible cold, you don't notice other person watching you from afar. 

You almost trip over your own feet walking towards the visiting room, you can barely lift your eyelids and see the path clearly, a guard behind you guides you with a firm hand on the chain of your handcuffs, leading you as fast as possible towards your destination. They woke you up in the middle of the night, you're not clear on the reason, they just said they require your presence urgently, you curse in your mind as they open the metal door to the visiting room, having an idea of who your visitor might be.

When you enter the room the first thing you see is him and you make an angry sound, the guard forces you into the room and you reluctantly obey. You didn't even notice when the guard who accompanied you left.

"What are you doing here?" you ask the man in the other room closing your eyes from the glow of the lamp, you reach for the metal chair and sit down, the man across the room watches your little movement in silence "What time is it? Couldn't you wait until in the morning or something?" you continue complaining opening your eyes adjusting to the light. The night knight hasn't uttered anything since you arrived, his mysterious aura was something that intrigued you but now when the guards disturbed your sleep just to see him, you find it a nuisance.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" you ask looking at him with a frown, the faster he finds what he's looking for the faster you'll be in your bed.

"You knew that?" not a ‘hello’, ‘not a how are you?’ he goes straight to the point asking you with an accusatory tone, you look at him with confusion now what is he talking about? 

"Know what?" you squint your eyes, Batman ever so mysterious, he moves closer towards the glass partition and you can see him better, you notice it instantly, there is something different about him, you don't know what it is at first glance, but there is something different.  

"The flood" he pronounced in disgust.

The flood? you repeat to yourself, not believing that what he said was indeed real "You think I had something to do with that?" you question him perplexed by the conclusion he came to, without you realizing it you start scratching your wrists from the itching of the handcuffs. 

"What you told me" he speaks with a serious tone "Made a lot of sense." 

"And because of that I'm already an accomplice?" you're still confused, does he think you have anything to do with it?

The first time you saw the Riddler was when he was crying in his cell, nothing else.

He kept silent examining you as if he didn't know what to say, thinking deeply about his next words. 

"You wanted my perspective and I gave it to you, that was all" You defend yourself looking for his gaze between his mask and his eyes covered with black dust, you thought he had changed, that after seeing him through a screen as a routine he would change. 

Silence.

"I didn't know" you speak quickly, the sleep in your body has drained and the shock comes, this is not how it was supposed to be the next time you would see the masked man after so many days of seeing him on the news "I'm telling you the fucking truth" you clarify again, his silence starts to make you nervous, you sigh lowering your head looking at your hands wrapped around each other, the irritated skin stays there, you raise your head to face the coldness of the dark knight again.

"Listen Batman" you speak to him with your voice returning to normal "I don't know what made you think it would be a good idea to ask me if I did or not" You give a long groan and continue "But your visits are never just to ask me stupid questions, there's always a reason, so spit it out."

Batman takes a seat and you hear his combat boots clacking in the room, his suit would look almost perfect if it weren't for some mud stains on his cape and gloves.

"The scarecrow knew it."

You make a grimace showing your discomfort, just hearing that nickname for the person who ruined your life makes you shudder, you just can't get used to hearing it, let alone saying it, as if it were a cursed name that just by naming it something bad would happen to you. Over time you have tried to overcome that fear, but in the context of this precise moment, where Batman talks about him scares you so much that you keep your hands in the pockets of your uniform.

"How do you know that?" you stutter your words.

"Riddler's apartment was seized along with all his computers" he informs you turning to look you straight in the eyes "Conversations between the two of them were found" he doesn't bring a folder with him, the more you listen to what he tells you your face gets paler and paler "Scarecrow was aware of what was going to happen and gave him his help".

At Batman's statement, you were provoked by absolute regret, that a man with broken glasses and an ordinary appearance was interacting with your worst enemy, and you defended him.

You shouldn't have done it, if you had known, you would have ignored it. 

"You still think he and I are some kind of team?" you can't help but be offended every time Batman insinuates that you're related to the scarecrow-masked man.

"Are they?".

You lose your patience when you see his seriousness, you can't stand that he treats you this way, an undignified treatment where he looks at you with great prejudice, you are not a monster, but why does he look at you as if you were?

"NO!" you shout "How many times do I have to tell you that man ruined my life, Batman?" you don't care if you look like a maniac, the person in front of you managed to disappoint you, again. "I saw you on the news did you know that? they kept talking about you, how excellent you are, the new hope of Gotham" You get up from your metal seat and approach the glass that separates them, and the man in the dark suit approaches in the same way.

"But you're nothing but a failure" you whisper to him with a frown "Face it Batman!" you raise your voice in anger, you point your finger at him touching the glass "You locked up the wrong person, the Scarecrow is still free harming this city and I'm still here!"You can see Batman practically biting his tongue in frustration, you stop your tirade in surprise at the masked man's willingness to listen to you, he had never stopped to do so before, walking away when you got angry, or insulting you when he was in a bad mood.

"You should have caught him instead of me."

The watchman avoids your gaze, lowering his eyes, you thought he would say nothing and leave "Sorry" he apologizes softly but you hear him and shake your head at his curt apology, all the while you dreamed of the day when the man he put you in Arkham would repent for the mistake he made, but now that it is reality and not a dream you perceive that those apologies are no longer necessary.

"I don't want your forgiveness," you tell him taking a seat back in the metal chair, scratching your neck and feeling the cold metal "What I want is Justice". 

He listens attentively to your request and slowly moves away from the light of the room, his suit makes him blend in with the walls, but you saw how he opened the door and left the room without saying anything.

You saw him go, he didn't say goodbye and you didn't expect him to either.

You can't sleep.

No matter how hard you try to fall asleep it just doesn't work, not when the ‘argument’ you had with the city's savior filled you with uncertainty and sadness. 

Even though you hated to see him, he was one of the few people who visited you, one of the few people you interacted with. It's complicated, so complex that even you don't know how you feel about him, all the time you stress the hostility you feel when talking to him, but there is also that melancholy when he doesn't come to see you. 

Before you were locked up, you held Batman in high esteem, at the time he was an unknown in the eyes of the city, a rookie vigilante, but now... 

You don't know what to feel anymore.

Hate, resentment, grief, admiration, all of these are what you feel when you think of the man you saw rescue so many people, a jumble of emotions that you hate to experience firsthand.

You hug the last book that Jonathan gave you, and the sun's rays say good morning while you just look at the emptiness, you just want to rest after facing Batman in the face.

Maybe you have become brave.

Brave? you? you smile as you consider that, that adjective fits Jonathan better, he is, not to the point of being a fearless giver of all, but he doesn't blink in a panic situation.

You used to think of Batman as one of the bravest people in the entire city for taking the risk of fighting crime by himself, however, at this point, he can't even stand to be in the same room as you without running away from you for the wrong he did to you.

Someone knocks on your cell door and you look up to see who the heck came to visit you so early in the morning.

"Good morning" Jonathan greets you by opening your cell door with his worker card, when he enters your cell he closes the door without a second thought, and quickly you get up from your bed and run to him.

"Jonathan!" you greet ecstatic and excited to see him after so long, without thinking of the consequences you hug him forgetting that he is a worker and you are a patient, you hear him let out a soft laugh as he accepts your embrace and wraps his arms with yours.

"Looks like someone missed me," Jonathan tells you and you feel his happiness when he talks to you and he hugs you, he takes you in your arms for a few more seconds before he pulls you apart, and the two of you look into each other's eyes, you swear you almost started crying right there, god, how you missed him.

"How are you? are you okay? were you here when the flood happened?" you blurt out several questions looking at him with concern, you realize he is still the same as the last time you talked, his smile is barely noticeable but you notice the sparkle in his blue eyes, he missed you too? 

"I'm fine, all this time I was in Bludhaven, I just got back to Gotham and..." he takes the time to finish his sentence but you beat him to it "Crazy, right?" you smile bringing out your bubbly side, with Jonathan by your side it's easier to smile and joke.

"It's a mess," he says raising a hand to stroke your head slowly "How are you? Tell me what you've done". 

Instead of answering him that there is not much you can do when you are locked up in Arkham, you are left wondering how to tell him the events of the month. You enjoy his hand on your head "It's a long story" you tell him and he stops touching you heading over to your bed to sit with one leg elevated and resting on the other.

"I have time," Jonathan said adjusting his glasses and waiting for you to take a seat next to him on your stiff bed.

You hesitated at first, it is not right for workers to interact in such a casual way with patients, that was made very clear to you since your first year of university, but it seems that Jonathan does not fit that rule, from the first time you met him you realized that he is not a common Arkham psychologist either, nor does he compare to Mr. M in both respect and popularity. So you put those thoughts aside and sit comfortably next to Jonathan.

"The first days after the flood were a nightmare" you start to tell your version and Jonathan looks at you with attention "Beyond the fact that they didn't let us go out to any corner of the hospital, the worst was when they transferred me to a cell next to the Joker and the Riddler," you say lowering your eyes but not your head remembering the few days you were there.

Jonathan doesn't seem surprised by what you said "So you met him" he comments and you nod your head taking your new colorful book, no more context is needed to know he was referring to the Riddler, the fresh new clinical case to study "What do you think?".

"I don't know," you tell him the truth since you found out that man knew the scarecrow you can't see him the same way "I don't want to talk about him".

"Why?".

You stopped looking at the book to see him, you know that tone in his voice, that voice he uses when he is working, but honestly, at what point is he not psychoanalyzing you? 

"Batman visited me, he told me himself that he and you-know-who worked together" you confessed censoring the name of the other criminal, Jonathan notices it "The Scarecrow" he stresses adjusting his glasses from the end pieces.

You give him an affirmative murmur distracted with your book, Jonathan doesn't stop being that scrupulous man even though most of the time he will treat you as a friend, he keeps trying to apply his therapy techniques so that you will try to overcome your fear of the scarecrow, which you don't like. 

"It makes sense" Jonathan looks down to see the same thing you are looking at "You know it can't hurt you anymore," he says to you in a low voice to reassure you, you shake your head, and you find no comfort in his words.

Even if he were free and you locked up he stays alive in your nightmares.

When you realize that the two of you fell into a comfortable silence in which Jonathan examined every corner of your cell, you speak again "Thank you very much for the book" You change the subject by picking up the children's story, the man next to you smiles.

"You're welcome" Jonathan accepts the change of conversation, but you are aware that his attention to your phobias is not over at all "Do you know why I gave it to you?" he asks you, and your animated demeanor returns.

"Let me guess, it must be because of the deep psychological significance each character has and their journey through Oz" you reply in a feigned voice full of pretentiousness.

Jonathan smiles but doesn't laugh, he points his finger at the cover of the book "I just wanted you to know that there are good scarecrows" You see his finger touch the image of the jolly straw man smiling next to Dorothy, you open your eyes starting to laugh.

"I know there are good scarecrows" You gradually stop laughing. "But I know there are bad too" You gently touch the cover of the book, it's nothing more than a children's story full of fantasy, in your mind you wish things hadn't ended up like this.

You turned your eyes towards Jonathan sitting so elegantly, at least you are no longer alone in this hospital.

Taglist: @ostricx @sunshinesetsstuff.⋆˙⟡♡

Thank you very much for reading! And sorry for the mistakes!*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧.

[burningtheroots]

Also, it‘s so fucking annoying how a man will get praised for doing the bare minimum (or even less) whilst women get criticized for the exact same thing, and even if they put in more work than their male counterparts. And this applies to everything, from personal achievements to the workforce to feminism.

When praising men, people really need to start questioning ”Would we praise a woman the same way? If not, why not?”

It‘s not a secret that showing up, doing your work/“duties” and being 100% modest anout it is the standard expectation for women, meanwhile for men, praise awaits them around every corner.

It‘s also not a secret that for criticism, it‘s the other way around.

In terms of feminism — WOMEN‘s liberation — it‘s the exact same pattern. A woman stands up for women, defends her rights and speaks her mind? It‘s seen as self-evident at best and as entitled (or even crazy/misandrist/evil) at worst. A man stands up for women and speaks his mind? Suddenly it‘s a phenomenon that must be celebrated like some national hero.

Sure, many people will say "but when a man does it, it‘s more selfless because he‘s speaking up for others!!!" — excuse me?! Women who speak up are the truly selfless ones — they‘re speaking up for an universally oppressed class whilst being exposed & subjected to the same horrors since they‘re a member of said class themselves.

And many people will say "but when are discouraged from speaking up for women due to tOxIc mAsCuLiNiTy!!!" — again, excuse me?! Since when are the oppressors‘ feelings more important than the suffering of the oppressed? Since when do the oppressed have to sympathize with their oppressor, and even before their oppressor sympathizes with them? Also, women & girls are getting brainwashed and gaslit since birth to obey patriarchy and serve men.

I could go on and on and on, but the point is clear:

Women are women‘s heroes, protectors, friends and allies. Men are not. If they were, they wouldn’t expect to get recognized for work which is predominantly done by women, and especially women who are marginalized on several axes of oppression, and worry more about the movement‘s actual progress and the impact of their own contributions instead.

P.S.: When you seriously think that men getting praised for the bare minimum is justified because they got "raised that way", why do you think this narrative is only ever applied to them, and not to women? And why is it always only applied when they fuck up?

In my humble opinion, it‘s (psychologically) much more difficult to recognize your own suffering as a problem when you‘ve been taught to internalize it as normal, necessary and expected (and often even seek comfort and a purpose in it because it‘s so familiar) than it is to recognize the subjugation of others as a problem, unless you lack basic empathy and enjoy the benefits you reap from their pain.

So, instead of worrying about men‘s bruised egos and their conditional "allyship", perhaps focus on uplifting women. Invest the energy you invest into men into women instead and see how that makes an actual change.

[crazysodomite]

older lgbt art and writing is so refreshing because it's just. honest, fun, filled with love for other people in the community... some of this art was made during the toughest times for lgbt people and they still found love and support for each other.

people on social media are so needlessly cruel and mean spirited. its like the only thing people care about is how to let everyone know what they hate and what annoys them about other people and everyone just wants to find the meanest cruelest thing to say so they look like the Coolest Radicalest person in the room unlike those Cringe Lamers :/// its so fucking exhausting. as a person who has no community irl and lives in a place where lgbt people have no rights its so fucking exhausting to see how people in western countries do nothing all day other than talk about how much they hate other people who frankly did nothing wrong other than be mildly annoying (in their own subjective opinion).

people online get off to making others feel bad about themselves.

in my country being lgbt can end up with you being slammed face first into the floor by cops in full riot gear and going to prison afterwards. but full grown adults should talk more how obnoxious they find trans furries or whatever the fuck the "cool thing to shit on and find annoying of the week" is. i dont feel safe talking about anything online. and i don't. there's no community online or offline. just. constant immature bullshit.

i dont really want to tie this into something specific. just the general pattern. people follow 'trends' because they want to interact and be in community with other people. not everyone is trying to be Cool and Not Cringy by being irony poisoned and nihilistic or cruel 😐not everyone is pursuing the goal of being cool and better than everybody else. the constant fucking neverending stream of "xyz is so annoying" "omg finally someone said it i hate them too 😂" "theyre so embarrassing and make me feel homophobic/transphobic😂" (real funny joke btw) is so exhausting.

i really am just tapped out of social media. people (especially in western countries) act like lgbt oppression is basically no longer a thing because in Some countries there are Some lgbt rights. even though even in most 'progressive' countries those rights are constantly under attack. even though lgbt people still are being killed all around the world. people talk about being radical and yet they will not step up when someone experiences oppression because they were 'annoying'. lol. because they are constrained by their own embarrassment and cruelty.

whatever. i consider it quite pointless for me to say anything about this so i usually don't. because nothing i say will change anyones mind or behavior so im just speaking into the void.

i am happy when lgbt people are expressing themselves and idgaf if it's annoying or uncool. because im a fucking adult person living in a place where you cant even go outside as an lgbt person. 😐 social media is not safe and no one is to be trusted.

[diabolikpersonals]

sorry for such a broad question but in your opinion is laito a well written character relative to everyone in diabolik? i really Want to learn more about him but i also dont want to subject myself to All That and i just want to know if he's worth reading about or just a pile of interesting plot threads thrown together for shock factor and unfulfilled thematically.

like my current personal opinion (may be wrong) is that i dont feel satisfied with the idea of yui's love or proactiveness fixing laito in any way because it doesn't mesh well with the actual ideas surrounding his character and unpacking that love is not poison goes beyond romantic love or a singular place of understanding. additionally it doesn't feel earned it feels like a chore for the player to trudge though for the sake of reading. i dont want to read laito's story that bad if it's the case yet im intrigued by the things offered by his character like the processing of the deeply visceral way csa shatters who you are

I wanted to wait till I finished his CL to answer so I'd be fully caught up with laito's routes, but that'll take too long so.....!! I might change my answer later!! lmao

[tw laito stuff, csa and suicide, yeah]

I do think Laito's a well-written character but his stuff is really difficult to get through if you have certain triggers, so it's tough to recommend. Even beyond the csa stuff, Laito is in a real hurry to die and he makes several attempts throughout the series. There's a certain unique sort of awfulness, at least for me, involving scenes where a character fails a suicide attempt and then get even more upset and desperate about it. So I understand what you mean when you say you're not excited about putting yourself through it. They were the hardest routes for me to get through too :')

A lot of earlier games suffer from endings that are like "And the two lived happily ever after, and we're not gonna unpack all that stuff!" and Laito's routes are no exception, but if you can look past that and make it to LE, I wouldn't say that Laito gets fixed. He has an ending similar to Ayato's that's like, it feels like we fixed everything but in reality we couldn't overcome the core issue! They really seem to believe that Laito absolutely can't be happy or live a normal life the way he is now. He has to die and/or rewrite his memories to be comfortable loving someone. It's up to your tastes if that's satisfying or not, but I kind of love the bittersweetness of LE endings, and the way they feel like a happy ending until you think about them a little too hard.

What's interesting is that Yui's purehearted love often hurts Laito more than it helps him. He responds to love, from Yui or from his family members, with revulsion. There's jealousy when he interacts with straightforward characters like Yui or Ayato, like "If only I could be as simple and pure as you, but nope, I can't." He's very self-aware for a diaboy, which only makes it hurt more when he keeps arriving at the conclusion that he's rotten. He definitely makes progress, which is really satisfying to see, like how he gradually allows Ayato back in his life emotionally. But as of right now, the end of his arc is so, like, "I tried, really I did! But my perspective on love is fucked and I need a hard reset! Maybe I'll be normal in the next life but definitely not this one!! Bye!"

...So, it's hard to say if you'll be happy with it. I see a lot of mixed opinions concerning the LE endings. They often give the diaboy what he wants but not what he needs, so you're left going, "Wait, I don't know about this...!" A lot of people really hate these endings, but they actually get more interesting to me the more conflicted they make me feel...and oh boy, was I conflicted about this one! :'D

If it sounds interesting to you, too, and you don't mind some pretty brutal scenes along the way, give Laito's routes a try. His HDB will definitely make you mad though lol