#not so much in a way that “i’m constantly trying to absorb everything that’s going on in the world at once and getting burned out”

[diluc33rpm]

What fundamentally matters to you?

[reidluvs]

Wanna say that again?

𓆩♡𓆪 pairing= spencer reid x bau!reader

𓆩♡𓆪wc= 1.7k

𓆩♡𓆪cw= dom!spencer, bau!reader, overtimulation, degrading, piv, hand kink, slight breatheplay.

You were the new kid at the BAU. While you were the youngest and most afraid, you were still almost the smartest one there.

Almost...

Of course, Spencer Reid made it his mission to belittle you every time you happened to unfortunately be near him. Constantly comparing your college degrees, and asking you questions that he knew you couldn't answer. You hated the sly smirk that would appear on his face every time your face flushed red as you left another one of his ridiculous questions unanswered, and you hated even more how the entire team seemed to think it was a little joke between the two of you. He was arrogant. Cocky. Completely self-absorbed. And you didn’t want anything to do with him.

Once during a case, you and Spencer were put on the task of solving the geographical profile together. You knew it would be a nightmare, but Hotch insisted that all members of the team need to be able to work together, so you unwillingly walked towards Spencer to begin to help work out the profile. The second he sees the anger on your face, he comments in his condescending smartass voice. 

“What's wrong Y/n? Scared you won't be able to follow along with what I’m doing? Don’t worry, you just sit there and look pretty and I’ll solve the case, after all, that is at least one thing you’re good at.” The anger that you felt in your body began to mix with confusion as he made that last comment. Was Spencer Reid calling you pretty? You didn’t care, because you knew from then on it was your mission to prove that you could keep up with him.

One day after a particularly gruesome case, the entire team went out for drinks. You had grown very close to Emily, so as you saw her walk in the bar you hyped each other up immediately. You knew you looked good, and it felt good to finally be able to drink and dance and not think about the annoying man at work that you had to deal with every day. Spencer didn’t come to these events, he believed they were a waste of his time and he could be “doing better things,” and it didn’t bother you one bit, as you drank more and began to dance with Emily on the floor. 

After hours of drinking and dancing, you and the other BAU girls were all sitting at a table just talking, and Spencer happened to be brought up. You began ranting about all the things he does to you that makes your blood boil. The conversation lasted way longer than it felt, you listing everything about him that you couldn’t stand.

“He always makes me feel so inferior to him, and he tells me to just sit there and “look pretty” while he actually does the work. It’s just so unfair, I’m just as smart as him.” As you finish your sentence in an aggravated huff, you look up and see Spencer standing right next to your table. You aren’t sure when he got there, but he stood in a black suit jacket with a dark red buttoned shirt under it, a few too many buttons undone. Something about this lighting made you realize features about him that you had never taken note of before. His growing shaggy hair, his piercing eyes, and his hands. You had never noticed his hands before, but you made a mental note to start doing so. 

“Spencer… How much of that did you hear?” You asked nervously, impatiently waiting for his reply. Suddenly everything you said began to run through your mind.

“Enough.” He replied in a stern tone and you felt a shiver go down your spine. “Can you come with me please Y/n?” He asked in the same even tone, and even though your brain was saying no, your body disobeyed and followed his order. You stood up from the booth, pulling down the short dress that you were wearing to try and cover more of your body. You felt exposed as Spencer grabbed your arm and took you out of the bar. As he opened the door of his car and guided you into the passenger seat, you questioned what was going to happen, but you couldn’t deny that you were excited about whatever he was going to do to you. 

The car ride home was silent, Spencer's hands gripping the steering wheel tight while the silence filled the air, and you began to feel more antsy as time went on. You started to shift around in your seat, crossing your legs to try and ease the growing feeling in your core, but to no avail. When you finally made it back to what seemed like Spencer's apartment, he opened the door and pulled you out of the car.

Once you made it to Spencer's room, he finally began to speak again.

“So you’re telling the team about me now huh?” His voice mockingly questions you.

“Spencer I didn’t know you were there, I’m sorry, I was just angry and was trying to get some stuff off my plate”, you tried to defend, but the look on his face never lightened during your sentence. 

“I want you to prove it” He states, no context to the sentence he just uttered.

“Prove what?”

“Prove that you can keep up with me.” He begins to walk closer to you. “I’m going to fuck you senseless until you understand that you will never be able to compete with me.” He ends his sentence and dives towards your face, landing his lips on yours for a kiss.

The kiss is far from sweet, with possessiveness and dominance oozing from his lips alone. You whimper into his mouth at the sudden contact, and he uses that as an opportunity to stick his tongue down your throat, exploring your mouth with his. 

He breaks from the kiss and leads you to his bedroom, stripping you of your clothes so you’re only left in your underwear by the time you make it to his room. He throws you on the bed and continues what you were doing in the living room, his lips slowly traveling down to the base of your neck while his hand also slides up your body as he gently places it at the base of your throat. Your breath hitches, something that Spencer takes to note but doesn’t address right away.

“I thought you hated me Spencer,” you breathe out as he continues the work on your neck. 

“I hated that you were almost as smart as me” He replies, words vibrating through your throat. You realize that Spencer always beloved you were smart, but he was just too embarrassed to admit it.

Spencer finally moves his hand to where you really want it, beginning to rub you through your underwear. You begin to whimper and squirm under his touch, and he chuckles at your reacting as he continues and holds you down by applying more pressure to your neck with his other hand, which makes you writhe even more under him.

Without warning, Spencer slides your underwear to the side, and slips a finger into you with ease. He works you open as you begin to get closer to the edge, whining and begging him to continue.

“Oh my god Spencer right there, please don't stop.” Your sentences falling out of your mouth in a string of moans, and much to your dismay, your begging causes him to still inside of you. He takes his fingers out as you clench around nothing, and he brings his fingers to his mouth, sucks your arousal off of his fingers, and makes intense eye contact with you the whole time

“Do you think you’re ready for my cock baby?” His question is mixed with a simple statement, as he begins to unzip his pants and pull his cock out of its constraints. You had never thought about Spencer having a big dick, but then again you’ve never thought about him “fucking you senseless”, so you’ve been wrong in the past. Spencer pulls down your panties, and begins to tease his cock in your hole. 

“Please Spencer. Please fuck me hard! I need you inside of me.” You beg, doing anything to have Spencer fuck you right in this moment.

“You’re gonna regret asking for that,” he explains, suddenly slamming into you. You’ve never had sex with someone as big as Spencer before, and the feeling is unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced before. His pace is relentless, leaning down into your ear to degrade you as he fucks into you, ignoring your protests as he deepens even more inside you.

“You begged for me to fuck you, so now you take it like a good girl,” he panted, his words instantly adding to the feeling in your core, which is rapidly increasing. You mutter out a weak “Yes sir,’ to which you feel his cock stutter inside you.

You can feel yourself reaching an orgasm, screaming out for Spencer to allow you to come

“Spencer, yes! Right there oh my god I’m gonna cum keep going please! Please let me cum Spencer!” You begin to scream as you rock against him, and luckily he continues at the same pace and allows your orgasm. You feel the familiar warmth as you finally reach your climax, body falling even farther into the bed. 

As you try to come down from your high, you realize that Spencer id keeping up his relentless pace inside of you, showing no mercy to your overstimulated clit. You begin to feel immense pleasure mixed with slight pain, but no matter what you do or say, Spencer is continuing his slamming inside of your cunt. 

“I told you that you would never be able to keep up with me, and I’m proving that right now, aren’t I Y/n?” His question is one that needs no answer, as you know you can’t lose his stupid arrogant battle. You continue to take his large cock inside of you as you feel yourself reach a second orgasm, but again he doesn't stop. He dumps his cum inside of you and continues like your just his sex toy, a mix of his and your cum dripping down your legs.

As you reach your third orgasm, you hope that Spencer is as tired as you and might stop soon, but the second he opens his mouth again you know unfortunately not the truth

“God I could just fuck you forever. How many orgasms until you give up? 5? 12? Are you gonna pass out from being fucked so much? It’s really up to you Y/n, cause I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.” You realize that you must admit defeat, because this is a relentless battle that you’ll unfortunately never win.

“Ok Spencer, I admit it. I can’t keep up with you.” You say as calmly as you can, overstimulation overwhelming you. 

“My slut finally admits defeat, I knew you would eventually baby.” He flaunts as he pulls out of you, cum leaking all over both of your bodies and he falls on top of you. He kisses you softly and whispers sweet nothings in your ear, and then he runs you a warm bath.

As he washes your hair and you think that being fucked by your hot co-worker couldn’t get any better, the thing he says next has you almost ready for round 2.

“Next time, we should see how many orgasms I can give you until you’ve passed out on my dick.” He whispers somehow sweetly in your ear, his words in complete contrast with his voice.

Yeah, this whole co-worker thing is gonna work out.

THANK U FOR READING!!! lemme know if u want a part 2 at some point with one Spencer said at the end 🤗🤗

[i4oba]

nct dream’s ideal types / MARK version! ✿..

[aka who i think would suit the members :D]

i feel like, since mark is pretty laid back most of the time, someone a little more.. adventurous? would suit him a lot, just to get him out of the comfort zone

i’m not talking literally, you don’t have to be indiana jones or something, just someone who’s open to try many many new things ? constantly seeking some type of rush from everything New (if that makes sense)

i can totally envision him with someone who’s like… it may sound weird, but doesn’t view themself as “pretty” or “attractive” yk… i’m not talking about the usual lack of confidence tho

it’s just that they never really prioritize their looks and all. i mean, of course they would CARE but wouldn’t think it’s that important

i also think that someone, who’s always deemed as “weird” and “unusual” would TOTALLY be something mark would go for

not only because of the doses of something extraordinary but because he’s interested. you can pique his interest if you say something so outta pocket that would normally cause a few harsh replies

i feel like mark is the type that doesn’t want to be limited, who knows he has limitless potential, not just talent wise but overall, as in… he knows he’s got greater purposes on this world

hence why i said a partner who’s curious enough to bring that out of him—sometimes he can get caught up on work and stuff so he needs Relax time, but not like the laying down and not doing anything kind

the type where you go round and round, finding the deeper meaning of things, such as talking about philosophical questions etcetera

that’s why i partly feel like he would be into someone who’s really really smart. he would love the constant feeling of fascination whenever his partner would say some random, niche fact on a topic he’s never heard of

he’s the type of guy, in my eyes, who loves to absorb knowledge and always tries to do so, which makes place for a partner who’s able to kind of stimulate him in that way?

if you know what i mean LMFAO

i feel like opening up fully for mark, would take a bit longer…? and he would absolutely stay in this “bro zone” kind of situation as well, so someone chill has to be the one he finds

he’s all about keeping it lowkey and if you’re impatient… well, your loss

and it’s not because he’s ashamed of you or something, it’s just that it’s more comfortable for him? in a way? feelings can be a little bit scary sometimes so you gotta leave him to handle it himself

so the keyword here is Patience

you cannot rush things!!!!!!!

especially since i genuinely believe that he… wouldn’t necessary look for love, you know

i can totally envision him just befriending someone and then comes all the cliché, him falling in love blah blah

he’s SO friends to lovers in my eyes, what can i say… falling for the bros is NOT on the list LMFAO and then here we go

but you know, it’s easier like that, and he works sooo hard, he never really focuses on finding a partner, not dating that actively because he’s busy

(i can totally see him panicking when he first realizes that he’s in love with one of his closest friends… he would be Shocked AHAH)

so yeah, developing feelings for him would definitely not take that much of time?? in my opinion?? it’s just him accepting it kinda, you know

being chill and pretty cool is something he would definitely find attractive, especially because, i think??? he doesn’t care about looks that much

he’s the type of guy who’s all about what’s on the inside :) so he needs someone who’s got the same mindset????

that’s a big thing for him anyways.. he wants to feel secure? like he’s not alone!

don’t leave him alone!!!!!!! he’s a cutie patootie, he needs love!!!!!!! even if he doesn’t show it!!!!!!!! he Does need it!!!!!

have so much love for him, be easy going and open minded and honestly, you’ve goz mark lee on his knees :,)

FEEL FREE TO DISAGREE THOUGH!!! this is only my perception of him! :)

& for some visual representation — STYLEBOARDS! :) <3

[d1sc0-1nfern0]

HEY! MINORS ON THE INTERNET! FANDOM BIG SIBLING TALK TIME GATHER ROUND!!

So you know how we, the adults, are constantly telling you to watch what you’re putting in your heads? To be wary of what music you listen to, what shows you watch, what context you engage with?

It’s not about gatekeeping or keeping you from having fun or babying you. We have actual, legit reasons. And it super important. Please please listen.

Coming from someone who started consuming VASTLY age-inappropriate content at the ripe age of 11- you don’t realize how it affects you. I would’ve always been aroace, but I might not have been a ✨traumatized✨ aroace who despises a lot of the shit in my head.

Yeah, some people will only be slightly impacted. Some might not notice the impact at all. But for some of us it will deeply affect our psyches in ways that will negatively impact us for the rest of our lives.

I have really really gross things up in my brain now that is going to take years to get out if I ever can. Thought patterns and daydreams that make my skin crawl. And it’s 100% from the content I consumed at a young age.

Your young mind is absorbing information like a sponge and storing it away- that’s why you learn things faster than an adult. Your brain is developing and snatching up everything it can to make sense of the world and putting nsfw content in there is going to leave a trace. It’s going to affect your outlook, your behavior, your thought patterns, even if you don’t notice it.

So please for the love of everything- listen when we tell you to be careful. Pay attention to what you’re putting in your brain. Indulge your hobbies, learn all the new skills, have all the cool experiences, try all the different things. But protect yourself first and foremost. <3

I love each and every one of you so very much, and I’m not just saying that!! If any of you need to talk, I am available to be a supportive-yet-reasonable internet big sib for whoever needs it. (I will love you to the ends of the earth and also bonk you on the head when you’re being a dumbass <3).

[If my fellow adults could reblog this so your minor followers could see it that’d be great. And tag it with your fandoms because I can’t get them all- I’m in like 2.]

[wolfcamellias]

how do you picture qpr shadowpeach? your ideas about them fascinate me

@blood-king asked: *cough* So uh, completely unprompted totally didnt see a post or anything; How would QPR shadowpeach work? (Also /gen question cause ur thoughts on them are always interesting lol)

WELL! I’m so glad you asked! Bare with me that I’m working with canon material and even then I have to take into consideration that S4 might erase all of this and produce something different for ShadowPeach  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 

[insert “no fear” / “one fear” meme redraw here]

BUT! Anyways! Let’s look deeper into these freaks now shall we 

First let’s dissect everything we got thus far on Sun Wukong and Macaque’s canon dynamic before diving into the QPR aspect of it all 

-------------

Season One 

I want everyone to remember that besides the iconic line of “You are such a gem” has more meaning behind it than we realize. We don’t have much to work with in terms of Season One material and at this base level we can consider the fact that it was.. Just a crackship by this point, they only have one brief interaction and Macaque was never seen again. During that moment we can see that Sun Wukong and Macaque are treated to be “equals” in this instance solely because Macaque was able to absorb Xiaotian’s powers and render him immobile for a while. In this instance we can see that Macaque was copying Sun Wukong’s moves aside from the shadow clone-summonings and the Shadow Puppet creation. 

This implies Macaque was well adept into mimicking Sun Wukong that he was capable of copying all of his moves without pause and heart beat but also managed to “outwit” Sun Wukong by using the fact that he cares about Xiaotian as a stepping stone and tries to get the upper hand constantly on him during the fight. 

“Wukong! How ya doin’ bud? [Scoffs]” “Aren’t you ever going to get sick of living in my shadow?”

“Oh god is Rhy going to psychoanalyz—” yes now sit down. 

Macaque’s tone is mocking all the way during this small exchange, even mocking Wukong’s “bud” that he uses to address Xiaotian, attempting to edge him on and get him to engage with him. Right from the start he’s trying to instigate him, he wants Wukong to react in a way that’ll lead to a fight, that will cause some wreckage, he wants Sun Wukong to see him and think “I want to engage with this person for the rest of my life, I can’t stop thinking about him” when in truth Macaque is the one chasing Wukong’s attention constantly.

Sun Wukong’s tone is something I’ve analyzed once, twice, several times before. Wukong’s tone here is stressed and non-intimidating—he’s more disappointed than you realize. Sun Wukong witnessed Xiaotian’s personality change to someone who snaps back at him, tells him he’s been training with someone who’s actually teaching him when Sun Wukong knows Xiaotian’s mortal and has his limits. Had Xiaotian gotten incredibly hurt, his reaction to Macaque’s mocking would have been worse. Because Wukong does not instigate fights. He doesn’t try to play into the bait that Macaque leaves him, he asks him if he’s tired of repeating this cycle. It’s true, it is a cycle and we see it throughout most of their relationship: Sun Wukong takes a step back and Macaque takes two steps forward. He’s the one keeping Macaque at a distance.

And something that’s very interesting when it comes to Wukong’s word choice: he says, ‘living in my shadow’. Which is interesting! It implies that Sun Wukong does not want Macaque to be in his shadow. He does not want Macaque around let alone being his shadow—he wants him to step out of it. It’s interesting to see that Sun Wukong does not seem to think he was the one who put Macaque in his shadow — it’s interesting to see.

“It’s time to give back what you stole.”

Again, Wukong gets straight to the point: “You hurt my successor, a mortal, and I can tell you’re not going to talk through this so I’ll resort to your level.”

But he also does not engage Macaque immediately. Only does so when Macaque continues and says this:

“You are such a gem. It's going to be so satisfying, killing you with your own powers.”

Did you know that in JTTW Macaque was mirroring all of Sun Wukong’s powers? He was basically an exact replica in that moment and thus it resulted in a stalemate for a long time?

Macaque is A) admitting here that he’s using Sun Wukong’s own strength against him thus making him his equal in that instant, more so with the fact Sun Wukong is canonically holding back at this point, meaning Macaque’s frustration with him later makes sense because he knows Sun Wukong is holding back—he just doesn’t know by how much and B) he’s once again instigating Wukong by calling him a gem, something he only does once throughout the show before he switches to other forms of taunting. 

Sun Wukong is a stone monkey, he was born from a rock. He was treated as more of a piece of coal throughout the entirety of the Journey by both Heaven and his pilgrim brothers and even his master at times (not to say that’s the exact way the Pilgrims and Tripitaka act in the show but I digress) and to call him a gem.. Is purely amusing considering how he then proceeds to say Sun Wukong was gifted with all of his abilities and powers in the following season. He’s not complimenting him—and even if he was, it probably lost its value in the moment, considering the situation they were in.

“Seriously? You fell for that?”

Macaque instigating Sun Wukong and further trying to get him to get angry and stoop down to his level? More likely than you think.

“Come on. Show me the real Sun Wukong. The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me, but you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic.”

Macaque proceeds to try and urge Wukong to go back to being his old self, he wants Wukong to be that reckless, capricious, overpowered guy whom he (for lack of better platonic based term) fell in love with in terms of admiration and, amusingly, it’s also something he clings on to because that’s a recurring theme with Macaque: being stuck in the past.

Sun Wukong is not reacting how he wants him to and that’s what irritates him the most. He wants them to go back to their past and that’s the unhealthy aspect of him: he doesn’t realize people can change for better or worse—or, at the very least, he doesn’t want to acknowledge it with the way he witnesses Sun Wukong protect Xiaotian and worry over him more than he pays attention to Macaque himself. He doesn’t want to believe Sun Wukong’s changed as a person and that he  needs to change before they can make anything work.

------------------

Season Two

Sun Wukong is absent throughout most of this Season due to his quest to find a weapon to fight against LBD and then the subtle timeskip of Heaven’s days and Earth’s years working a little funky. 

Of course then we dip our feet into the very shallow pool that is Macaque’s view of how Sun Wukong’s character works despite not having had a proper conversation with him over the past five hundred years or so. 

“The hero and the warrior were like the Sun and the Moon. Their light, a protective glow, shining upon the world. Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Either in the Celestial Realms or on Earth. As time went on, the hero attained power beyond comprehension. As the hero's light grew, so too did his shadow. And soon, the warrior was cast in that shadow. In the darkness, the warrior was forgotten by the hero.”

Shoutout to Lego Monkie Kid for being able to write biased narratives throughout the show. 

Macaque’s word choices are interesting: he’s glorifying the past (again) and putting the Hero (Wukong) on a high pedestal and repeating he was abandoned and forgotten and cast in the shadows. The interesting point is noting that Macaque is a strongly biased narrator, he views Sun Wukong as lesser than him and wants him to come down to his level of petty words and constant fighting when Sun Wukong does not react nor chase him around. And something to note about Sun Wukong is that he values and cares genuinely and strongly for his friends; to say that Sun Wukong purposefully put Macaque in his shadow is a stretch.

The theory that Sun Wukong told Macaque to stay behind while he went to the war against Heaven (thus fighting with Nezha, Muzha and Erlang) led to Macaque taking it as ‘you are weak and can’t follow me’, twisting Wukong’s words and his perception of him is the most likely theory taking into consideration how LBD was confirmed to have messed with Macaque’s memories and that Macaque later states that Sun Wukong didn’t work hard for his powers.

Unless Lego Monkie Kid rewrote the starting chapters of Journey To The West where Sun Wukong spends years training for his immortality, several more reigning over his kingdom and then the inevitable trauma and imprisonment? Sun Wukong worked very hard for his position, regardless of whether or not he was cocky or gained a high ego over it, and Macaque just turns away from the truth and only sees what he wants to see.

We don’t talk about the fact that he proceeded to project onto Xiaotian and said he did not have abandonment issues and that he forgot about the friends that Macaque himself kidnapped. 

And of course we get the moment where Macaque gets a flashback of Sun Wukong punching him, correlating to the somewhat confirmed theory that Sun Wukong murdered Macaque during a certain point in the JTTW arc of the show.

And then it’s not addressed again until Season Three.

Season Three

(I’ve typed Macaque 37 times and Wukong 48 times and idk how to feel about that)

Sun Wukong is emotionally and mentally and physically drained the moment we see him back at the start of the Season. He’s focused on securing the map and gaining the Samadhi Fire for the chance of defeating Lady Bone Demon and Macaque on the other hand, as we can see in the flashback that occurs later in the season, was leashed and held with a dagger to his neck when moving closer to Wukong.

Macaque and Sun Wukong’s banter is.. a singular moment where he allows himself to fall into Macaque’s cycle. “Always the comedian,” implies Macaque is well aware that Wukong is masking his tone and overall stability to show he’s holding himself together when in truth he very much isn’t. Wukong continues to taunt Macaque because this is what he wanted, he wanted a true reaction out of him — to which I mean, he wants Wukong to react in a negative sense, he wants them to fight, he wants to instigate fights with him because that in itself is a distraction from talking about their past. 

Wukong avoids Macaque and even warns everyone about him, tries to keep Macaque away from Xiaotian and the others as much as possible to the point of making himself bait for the sake of them getting away during the train station scene. 

Genuinely, Sun Wukong saw Macaque as someone dangerous to Xiaotian due to the trauma that Macaque gave him during his introduction episode where he threatened to kill Xiaotian for the sake of getting to Wukong.

And that’s not without discussing the fact that Wukong was able to make Macaque freeze at the change of tone. During the ice scene with Nezha, Wukong tries to instigate a sort of scuffle with Macaque this time, repeating the same tone and mask he used back during the airship fight. Because he wants him to fall back into that little cycle of theirs that Macaque was constantly chasing.

What he didn’t account for was Macaque not following the same path he usually does. The reason behind Wukong’s anger when he reaches to choke Macaque isn’t just because he started the ritual: he didn’t listen to Wukong (again), he tried to shift his blame onto Wukong, he hurt Xiaotian, he threatened Xiaojiao, and pushed Tang into starting the ritual. And, yes, Wukong was watching all of it despite not knowing what it is they were saying, but he is very much aware of Macaque’s actions when he went after them clawing for survival.

It’s also important to remember that it’s heavily implied both Sun Wukong and Macaque must have done something to cause their relationship to become so estranged. Because Macaque is the one who leaves this time, Macaque is the one who tried to get away from this situation, Macaque is the one who tries to escape and that’s what ticks Wukong off further. 

Because Macaque is a coward and that’s something he needs to work on excessively. 

Yes, there is the looking back scene, there is the moment where Macaque and Wukong look at each other in the Samadhi Fire episode but just because they took one step does not mean they’ve finished climbing up the ladder to mending their relationship. 

However.

Sun Wukong was still holding back during his fight with Macaque.

Because despite this intense power imbalance, despite the fact Sun Wukong was possessed, he was still conscious, he was still aware of his actions. Knowing how roughed up he managed to get Macaque it's only safe to assume he was choosing to hold back in an attempt to delay the end result of the fight.

And afterwards we get a cleaner conclusion: they put their differences aside to help Xiaotian and end their last interaction with Macaque falling back into edging Wukong on and ignoring his actions throughout the Season and calling him selfish—as harsh as it may sound, he’s not yet accepting the fact Sun Wukong has changed and thus Sun Wukong will not consider him as someone he can be comfortable around or someone worth having an actual conversation with. 

See: When talking to Xiaotian he drops the masks (slightly) and admits he has never had a proper successor before nor has he ever been a mentor. Even when Xiaotian reveals he plays dumb to lighten the mood, Sun Wukong just laughs and brings him closer rather than pushing him away. He does not do that with Macaque because he doesn’t even consider him someone worth trying for.

---------

“Break Up” Stage

“But how would they work?”

They need to separate first.

Sun Wukong and Macaque require a lengthy break from each other, both without mentioning or seeing the other let alone engaging them because the chances of them actually communicating is slim to none. They need to work on themselves and separate to work on their individual trauma before they can even begin to discuss their own issues.

Sun Wukong is closed off and Macaque is self-centered in the way that, Wukong does not address his trauma and even then plays it off as a joke while Macaque makes his own personal issues seem more important or drastic than others (whether intentionally or not).

Macaque is also heavily focused on Wukong while Wukong can easily look away from Macaque lest the latter mocks or taunts him.  They need to be away from each other for a while before even beginning to take those steps towards friendship.

--------------------

Things they need to work on first

Sun Wukong needs to work on his communication skills, emotional and mental stability, learn how to make healthy coping habits for his trauma and actually talk to someone about his trauma. He bottles everything up and then often uses himself as bait/a shield for everyone (especially Xiaotian) and that’s taking a toll on him. He even openly declares he’s going to sacrifice himself when asked what his plan was about the fire and then immediately joked about it to numb it down. 

He constantly lets others snap at him without defending himself not because he can’t but because of trauma when speaking out towards others if they stick by JTTW lore (when contradicting Tripitaka’s actions, he would be punished with the tightening spell, etc.). He needs to get better at this before even beginning the idea of rekindling a friendship that must have heavily hurt him enough for him to not want to engage with the other party again. 

Macaque needs to work on his emotional and mental stability, learn not to trauma dump onto others, learn to let go and learn that his actions heavily affect others. He berates Wukong for seemingly “making things worse for Xiaotian” and then proceeds to hurt, manipulate and traumatize him and his friends. 

He gets away with it and that’s something that.. should not have happened? His actions throughout the series have consisted of kidnapping and borderline traumatizing a stranger to him who looked up to him and then proceeded to ask if he missed him. He’s mocking him, he’s mocking everyone and Wukong is not exempt from this.

Macaque needs to work on learning how to engage without seeing things through his own bias-tinted lenses and realize there are other people around him who are suffering from his actions and that being traumatized is not an excuse to be a shitty person to others.

Otherwise, the entire relationship could be toxic.

-----------------

Things that could work with them

Sun Wukong opening up to Macaque about why he doesn’t engage with him 

Macaque calling out Wukong on his past actions in a way that isn’t meant to be seen as an attack

Sun Wukong and Macaque (after being separated) finding each other when they’re in healthier environments and talking/discussing their past and how they can move forward together

Macaque apologizing to Wukong first

Macaque realizing Sun Wukong is traumatized from the Journey

Wukong realizing why Macaque chases after him so much and setting aside boundaries so they can engage without it becoming overwhelming

Sun Wukong and Macaque addressing the fact they’ve both hurt each other and realizing it can’t work unless they both put an effort into it

Macaque being Wukong’s shoulder to lean on; Wukong being the one to call Macaque out when he pushes things too far

A normal non-romantic involved QPR or friendship

-------------------

Things to consider

The reason why a QPR works so well with Sun Wukong and Macaque is a bit simple but also complicated: 

Sun Wukong throughout the course of Journey to the West and all its past and future iterations have always had him be uninterested in both men and women. There are multiple instances where he’s capable of courting women and he instead backs away or does not pay it any mind; aside from this he’s heavily implied to only care about familial love and friendships. He does not see his pilgrim brothers as anything more than family and he views Tripitaka as a mentor rather than someone whom he was chained to (coughs). 

Sun Wukong is always been heavily coded to be on the aro or ace spectrum in media and Lego Monkie Kid focuses more on the platonic aspect of relationships and Sun Wukong being in a Queer-Platonic Relationship would be more impacting than a regular romantic one. He does not understand normal human customs being a monkey and all and creating a type of relationship that’s unique to him and Macaque alone would be far more comfortable to him than to have a relationship that follows rules.

Macaque also has shown no signs of romantic attraction towards any of the cast and, considering the idea that they continue this fact, him being on the aro or ace spectrum would also be an incredible move on their part. Not only because he’s meant to represent the other side of Wukong’s metaphorical coin but because it’d be the first canon aro or ace villain character thus far in a kids’ show.

This and the fact that— both Sun Wukong and Macaque are over a thousand years old. Why on earth would they have a normal type of relationship? Giving them a checklist of what passes on as romantic and platonic when to them the line is so blurred it’s barely existent to them is amusing. 

Sun Wukong and Macaque having their own weird relationship where it changes from frustrated best friends to partners to angry middle aged demons to the tired traumatized immortals who sometimes cuddle while marathoning weird stupid comedies or tragedies on netflix is much more appealing than the average type of relationship media often portrays. Having Sun Wukong and Macaque see each other as equals on all known terms is interesting and good.

-----------------

Differences in giving and receiving affection (HC on Macaque’s part)

This one is a tad short considering how little we have on the matter but both monkeys resort to verbal praise — however there is a big difference in this.

Sun Wukong’s love language is acts of service (Journey), verbal reassurance, touch and familiarity with one’s actions and quirks. 

Macaque’s… are genuinely unknown seeing as his verbal praise is just a manipulation tactic but it’s somewhat twistable into something more.. Genuine if you take into account how he could just as easily turn Wukong’s words against himself when he spares Macaque a compliment.

-----------------

Final Message

This took me way longer than it should have.

Buy My Silence.

[kagoutiss]

Actually I'm not done talking about your Ganondorf yet, he's so blorbo/pos, this man wants power but has to put up with so much shit that he makes everyone else put up with his shit too. 10/10 also I would like to kiss him please

FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU AGAIN AAA, SECOND OF ALL you’re so right about this that i ended up…writing many paragraphs of character analysis about him in this regard because this activated something in my brain. like about him inflicting shit on other people because of the shit that’s inflicted on him, and how much i’ve thought about that. i have so many feelings about his shitty personality, i think a fundamental part of why i love him is that he is…literally an asshole and he’s kind of impulsive and often terrible to people for no reason and he’s probably genuinely unbearable to be around even if you are close to him, but i think he is that way by virtue of the COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE REALITY that he lives in?? like.

ok so. i feel like OoT ganondorf is AS unpredictable & unreasonable & unpleasant as the circumstances that he lives with. we’re talking about someone who was not only born into the role of king of a nation that’s been generationally abused by Hyrule since the start of a centuries-long war predating OoT, but he’s also become accustomed to fighting against the Sheikah of that time period, who notably still had an immense technological advantage, and apparently inherit divine knowledge from the gods, and are capable of making evidence of their crimes against humanity just sort of…DISAPPEAR from the sight of most average people??? and also they. fucking invented time travel apparently

one of my favorite bits of really underrated OoT lore is how the Composer Brothers (who you can speak to as ghosts in the Kakariko Graveyard) were hired at some point by the royal family to study the powers of the royal bloodline, and they invented the Sun’s Song, which accelerates time, turns night to day, etc. a form of time travel, in essence. and. canonically. the Composer Brothers committed suicide when they found out ganondorf was going to try to steal their completed research. maybe to prevent him from torturing the the information out of them even if they destroyed it? which is a completely fucking batshit piece of lore that i still cannot believe exists

but imo it also gives a bit more context as to how desperate ganondorf probably was at the heel end of the civil war, or whenever this happened. he was literally having to contend with people who can fucking time travel, and to some extent, alter reality at will, superficially or otherwise. i’m not at all surprised that he has a tendency to 1) hold grudges forever and remember everything that’s ever been done to him, and 2) obsess over stealing the full Triforce, the one chance that any regular mortal has at changing their reality in a fundamental way. i think it’s probably difficult to make real personal connections when you’ve always been constantly at risk of losing anything & everything that you care about, in a way that may or may not affect whether those things had ever existed in the first place

i also feel like he PREFERS to be demonized/label himself really hyperbolic things like the King of All Evil and stuff because it’s…the opposite of what Hyrule does. Hyrule makes itself out to be this Supremely Benevolent Institution That Is Chosen By The Gods And Can Do No Wrong, while simultaneously disappearing its naysayers underground and torturing them and killing them and committing genocide against any territories that refuse to be absorbed under the Hyrulean banner. i don’t think Ganondorf cares whether his actions are necessarily good or evil, but i think that to him, the most abhorrent thing in existence is a thing that claims to be good when it isn’t.

so. he presumably spent his entire early life having to fend off the ever-looming bootheel of Hyrule’s royal family, while their army and their secret police were actively destroying the Gerudo and then gaslighting them all about it on an Existential Level. like. yeah no i think him having immense issues and…projecting the lack of control that he feels onto people around him, and being fully defined by his ambitions to take the triforce, and wanting people to despise him/see him as fundamentally evil, and him being sort of incapable of forming genuine connections with people, is…kinda par for the course with that agdkahkfjagajfhs

[iwritesickfic]

Surprise, part 3

final part! you can read part 1 here, and part 2 here :)

They get home around 10 that night, and Theo almost feels worse than he did this morning. The sharp, almost stabbing pain from earlier has been replaced with a deep throbbing ache that starts in his throat and extends into his jaw and even his ears. He can talk now, at least, but it still hurts like a bitch. He's on pain medication again, mercifully, but he's dreading the moment it wears off. If it hurts this badly with the medication… He doesn't even want to think about it.

He's dizzy and nauseous from the anesthesia, and he's still running a fucking fever. He can't remember what it feels like to not a run a fever. He wants to cry, but he's too dehydrated and exhausted. The energy to sob just isn't there, nor the tears.

Seamus wrote an Instagram post for him, which regrettably includes a photo of him in the hospital, gown and tubes and everything else. While he's not normally vain, it’s more than a little embarrassing. He’d agreed to it, of course, but there wasn't much choice. From a PR perspective, they needed the photo. Even with it, there will still be rumors that he's covering up for a stint in rehab.

Seamus has been fussing over him constantly, and he knows it’s only because he’s worried, but it’s making him feel even worse. 

He’s sitting on their entryway’s bench, trying to catch his breath from walking up their front steps, and Seamus gets on one knee to untie his sneakers for him. That’s the last straw. He pulls his foot up onto the bench, shaking, unsteady fingers fumbling with the laces.

“Stop! I can do it,” he snaps, and Seamus sighs, but doesn’t say anything. He stands up slow and his hand just brushes Theo’s knee before he speaks.

“Do you want anything from the kitchen?” He asks, and Theo can tell he’s trying hard not to sound worried or anxious. Even though he’d love some tea he sets his jaw and shakes his head. “Ok,” Seamus says softly before walking down the hall.

God, Theo’s such a piece of shit. Seamus is just trying to help, and he’s acting like a jerk. Still, he’s so frustrated and in so much pain that it needs to go somewhere, and he has very little control over where.

When he’s finished taking off his shoes, which takes about ten times as long as normal, he heads through the living room and into the kitchen. He stands in the doorway and watches as Seamus bustles around, his too big glasses falling down his nose, his hair a greasy unbrushed mess. It’s sticking up from the way he keeps nervously running his hands through it. He doesn’t seem to see Theo standing there, too absorbed in trying to throw together the ingredients for a soup while simultaneously talking on the phone.

He stops in his tracks when he sees Theo standing there, an onion in one hand and a handful of carrots in the other.

“I…I need to call you back,” he says to the phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. He fumbles to put everything down, rushing through goodbyes, before looking back at Theo.

“I’m sorry,” Theo says, and Seamus shakes his head.

“It’s ok,” he says, a quick forced smile jumping onto his lips before fading. Theo can tell he’s still trying hard to look unbothered, and it’s really not working. “Is everything… Do you want help getting upstairs?”

“No, I…I’m acting like a dick.”

Seamus’s face finally softens, and he walks closer, resting his hand on Theo’s shoulder.

“It’s been a tough day, I know. I just…” He takes a deep breath. “I want to do whatever you need me to do. And I don’t want to make you feel like a child.”

“No, you’re not, I’m…” His head is swimming and he feels his body slump more heavily against the doorframe. “I don’t know.”

“Do you wanna come sit?” He asks. “Or you can have some time alone,” he adds quickly, though it’s clear he’d prefer the former.

“What are you making?”

Seamus looks confused, like he forgot he was making anything at all. He looks back at where the ingredients rest on the counter. 

“Oh, um, just the carrot soup you like.”

“You don’t have to make me anything, it’s ok,” he says, and Seamus presses his lips together, anxious again. Theo hates that he’s the reason for that look on his face.

“You don’t want any?”

“No, I do, it’s just…it’s late, I don’t want to make you cook.”

Seamus looks relieved and shakes his head.

“No worries at all. Come sit.”

Theo just manages to heft himself up to sit on the kitchen counter next to where Seamus has started chopping the vegetables. Without thinking, Theo grabs his hand as he walks past, pulling him in so he’s slotted between his legs. Seamus is taller than him this way, having to tilt his head down to meet Theo’s eyes. 

They’re so close, and when one of Seamus’s hands rests on his waist, he realizes how freezing he feels. Seamus’s hands are so warm.

He leans toward him, arching up so their lips can meet, and moans softly when their mouths touch. He presses closer, his hand on the nape of Seamus’s neck as he pulls him in. A sharp pain in his jaw has him pulling away with a gasp, a wave of pain rippling out down his spine and up into his cheeks.

“Are you ok?” Seamus asks, sounding frantic, and Theo nods, even though it makes his head spin. He knows he’s being ridiculous but he goes to kiss him again, and Seamus returns it gently before leaning back.

“I want…” Theo breathes out, his fingers hooked on the belt loops of Seamus’s jeans. He doesn’t know how he was going to finish that sentence. Seamus brushes a bit of hair behind his ear.

“Nothing strenuous, remember? For two weeks?”

Theo groans, tipping his head forward into Seamus's shoulder until a lance of pain makes him straighten. Seamus smiles softly, though it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Trust me, I’m…” His eyes trace Theo’s body up and down. “I want that too. But definitely not tonight at least, ok?”

Reluctantly, he lets Seamus go back to peeling and chopping the carrots. 

“I’m not allowed to do anything,” Theo mumbles, and Seamus squeezes his hand. 

“Well we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together for the next month or two, you’ll be sick of me by the end.”

Theo leans back against the cool tile wall, and it makes him shiver.

“I’ll never get sick of you.”

–

Since that moment in the kitchen last night, Theo hasn’t stopped shivering. Even at 2 PM the next day, he feels like he’s been dipped in ice water.

Seamus is working on his laptop while Theo half-lies beside him in bed, a show playing on the TV. Seamus's body feels like the only source of warmth, and he’s pressed tight to his side. His jaw and throat and ears are still throbbing, arguably worse than yesterday, though Seamus tells him it’s normal. 

The pain comes in waves, and between each one he’s bracing himself for the next peak. It's difficult to not moan out loud.

“What are you working on?” he mumbles, speaking setting off wave after wave after wave.

“I have a million fucking emails. But I’m forwarding them all to Zeke.”

Theo takes a deep breath, bracing himself to speak again.

“Thank you. For coming. And staying,” he whispers, and Seamus tightens his arm around him. A younger Theo would’ve suggested Seamus go back to Dublin. He would've insisted he’d be fine alone, and Seamus shouldn't stay. 

Seamus leans over and kisses the closest part of him he can reach - the crown of his head. 

“My only regret is I didn't come sooner.”

“You didn't know. I should've told you. I just…” He trails off, rubbing his aching eyes. He knows what Seamus is thinking - yes, you should've. He's just too kind to say it.

“It’s alright,” he says gently, and closes his laptop. “I know you don't want me butting in but it's fucking infuriating what they did.” His fingers are carding through Theo’s hair.

“It’s my fault,” he mumbles back.

“When they found out how sick you were they should've pulled the plug, no matter what you said or didn't say.” Seamus's mouth is set in a hard line. Still, his fingers are gentle. Theo is quiet until a particularly harsh wave of pain makes him let out a choked, soft sound. He breathes hard through his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. “Do you want ice?” Seamus asks, voice tender and worried again.

“No, no,” Theo manages to get out. He's already freezing, he can't bear the thought of ice on his skin.

“I'm gonna be right back,” Seamus says, already getting up, and Theo’s face crumples, and he actually whimpers his name.

“Seamus…”

He must sound as miserable as he feels, because Seamus actually stops, eyebrows furrowed.

“Shh, hey, it's alright.” He's cradling Theo's head, and Theo tries to grab his wrist.

“Seamus.” His voice comes out in a choked, pleading whisper.

“I know,” he murmurs gently, “I’m gonna get something that’ll make you feel better. I promise.” He doesn't move yet, though. Like he's waiting for Theo's permission.

Reluctantly, Theo lets go of his weak grip on his wrist, and Seamus kisses his head before leaving.

Theo has no idea how much time passes. He's freezing. He curls into the spot where Seamus was, warmth still lingering on the sheets. Nothing helps, though. Nothing ever helps. The god awful ache keeps pulsing in his jaw and throat and the base of his skull. 

Then there’s a blessedly warm something under his chin, and he can’t stop the moan that falls from his lips. The mattress shifts, and he feels Seamus moving him into his lap. Not quite moving him, there was just the suggestion of it and his heat-starved body is pressing itself closer.

He ends up chest to chest with him, between his legs as Seamus is half propped up. The warm something is still under his chin.

“How’s that?” Seamus asks, and Theo just hums. It’s good. It’s better. His head rests so perfectly on Seamus’s chest, and he sighs contentedly as his fingers find their way into his hair again. “You’ll start feeling better soon.”

It’s another three days of hell before he actually does. 

In the middle of the night he wakes up drenched in sweat. Seamus must feel him wake up, because he turns over, eyes only half open.

“Y’ok?” he mumbles, his hand immediately stroking a few strands of hair from his forehead.

“Yeah, I’m just…fucking soaked,” he mumbles back. But there’s something else. He feels strange, his whole body feels off somehow.

“Are you cold?” Seamus asks, and Theo shakes his head. He’s not cold, but he’s not hot either. Seamus palms his forehead, then his cheek. “Yeah, I think it’s just your fever breaking,” he says casually. Then suddenly everything makes sense. He hasn’t been without a fever in a month. He lets out a long sigh, his whole body shuddering.

He rolls over so he’s curled into Seamus’s body, and falls asleep knowing that finally, tomorrow morning he’ll feel better.

[harumybeloved]

why is sanzu like that?

i’ll try my best to explain his behavior and some potential reasons behind his actions 

no, he’s not a psychopath

no, i don’t think he has stockholm syndrome

no, it’s not bpd (imo)

i really hope this entire post makes sense (well if it doesn’t lmk)

welcome to my autistic sanzu agenda lol

disclaimer 1: i’m not really used to writing character analysis, i only know how to write random research papers for school so i apologize in advance lol pls forgive me but this post is probably going to sound like i’m rambling a lot + punctuation is my worst enemy 

disclaimer 2: this post isn’t me diagnosing him with autism or any other disorder. it was never officially stated that sanzu is autistic. this is purely my own personal speculation + understanding of his character + some observations 

disclaimer 3: i was diagnosed with hfa+adhd, keep that in mind; i could be projecting and it’s entirely possible that this whole post is just my exceptionally elaborate hc lol

disclaimer 4: this may not be in chronological order i’m also not the best writer :/ + i’m still editing this sometimes

‣ his “questionable” behavior lol

link to the original translation

strange and/or unconventional behavior is a common symptom of autism as it is strictly correlated with the absence of social awareness because who in their right mind would do that.

Autism spectrum disorder is primarily characterized by impaired social interaction and limited social-emotional reciprocity.  This impairment goes well beyond poor social skills and being socially awkward.  Children with autism spectrum disorder tend to have a disconnection in their response to others.

(...)

In general, these children are described as very socially and emotionally withdrawn, and “being in their own little world.”

from here

A social norm generally refers to something that society or culture renders “normal.” Everyone is expected to automatically understand and adhere to these unwritten rules, and diverging from the “norm” may be considered “abnormal.”

(...)

An example of a social norm in the United States is that avoiding eye contact is often interpreted as evasive, nervous, odd, or “shifty.” As autistic folks often avoid eye contact, neurotypical people may interpret their behavior as going against the “norm.”

from here

While most people can navigate these changing expectations, some individuals with autism and Asperger’s Syndrome struggle with them constantly. These individuals may have difficulties reading social situations or knowing what type of behavior is expected in certain circumstances.

from here

anyway; it’s also important to note here that people on the spectrum tend to absorb most information not in a figurative way, but rather in simple terms 

Autistic people seem to take everything literally. 

(...)

Autistic brains, however, don’t automatically group anything together, and instead file everything as a separate piece of information with no apparent similarity to anything else

Well, first it’s important to recognize that it doesn’t come from a lack of understanding of what’s being said to them, but from a difference in processing the information they’re taking in.

from here

let’s say, hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, that haru is on the spectrum. there’s probably a really simple but logical thought process going on in his mind.

mucho (the captain) has certain enemies, he also doesn’t have that much hair on his head lol but his enemies do. so why not beat them up and forcefully take their hair and offer it to mucho as a gift. he’s probably going to think wow what a kind gesture, right???

People with an autism spectrum disorder think in a logically consistent way that leads to quick decision making.

from here

tldr; imo he didn’t know it was a weird thing to do and that he shouldn’t have done that. it was probably beyond his comprehension. that’s why he thinks captains are difficult; there’s a disconnect and lack of awareness.

side note:  whatever haru did above here just screams autistic child without the appropriate guidance to me (somebody that’s also on the spectrum)

side note2:  this dude literally fights with a fucking katana. he could’ve chosen anything but thought that a katana would be the most suitable weapon of choice to slaughter other teenagers in september of 2008 ....ok..

‣ this very specific interaction with baji in cb3

this was haru’s interaction with baji at some point. keep in mind that they were childhood friends or best friends, they always hung out together. it’s safe to assume that baji knew haru pretty well. 

now.. (yes i know) baji saying that haru has always been weird isn't concrete evidence to support my theory. 

HOWEVER ,,imo wakui shows us a lot of things intentionally, he could’ve included some other interaction with somebody else but he didn’t. why? maybe because this is supposed to help us understand haru more and give his character more depth. 

ok so let’s dissect this. haru asks baji about something really simple/usual, something that's already really fucking random but ok people talk about those things right? haru also decides to ask baji at the weirdest time possible. baji literally just announced that he’s leaving a gang that he formed and haru’s like yes this is the perfect moment to ask him about his haircare routine <3 lol

Individuals on the autism spectrum often have difficulty recognising and understanding social cues and therefore do not instinctively learn to adjust their behavior to suit different social contexts.

from here

u could probably say that oh well baji is just like that, he would say something like that at any given moment. and yes he is (or should i say was lol) chaotic but nevertheless it’s a really random thing to ask at a really random, inappropriate moment and baji kind of pointed that out but again haru wouldn’t know if he was actually somewhere on the spectrum. 

as i said before, i do think that how the characters communicate and what kind of words they use in certain situations is supposed to give us some insight into their personalities. with that said, it kind of stuck out to me when baji called him weird and his only response was i see thanks. my personal reasoning here suggests that some people would probably get agitated when called weird but idk. 

so now it’s possible that 1. he’s fully aware of what baji called him but doesn’t care and/or is used to being called weird (which again most autistic kids are used to) or 2. such ”insults” rarely evoke a response because he has a hard time recognizing irony (i don’t think the word weird is generally speaking an extraordinarily disrespectful insult when used among friends but maybe that’s just me idk)

Verbal irony can serve many social functions: Speakers can temper the aggression conveyed by criticism, or praise conveyed by a compliment (the Tinge Hypothesis), while bringing humor to a situation. A full understanding of ironic language requires one to make complex inferences about speaker intent, a task that can be challenging for individuals with ASDs who might have difficulties with mentalizing in social contexts or with the interpretation of ambiguous stimuli.

from here

side note:  i think it’s so adorable that he actually said “i’m going to miss u”. he didn’t have to, although that’s a completely reasonable thing to say in such situations. this isn’t really related to my theory about him potentially being on the spectrum but it’s such a cute little detail. i think it ties more to the theory that at the end of the day he’s a kindhearted person that’s “gone bad” due to unfortunate circumstances and the environment he grew up in. again, wakui didn’t have to include this line because well they’re gang members, idk if i should expect them to be verbally affectionate but they’re also kids dealing with complex issues so it’s not that surprising to see this if that makes sense. toman haru is so different from bonten sanzu for obvious reasons imo it’s self explanatory

‣ takeomi’s treatment & its possible implications

i will not be judging takeomi’s parenting skills because he wasn’t supposed to end up in that position in the first place but like come on.. he put so much pressure on haru (could be completely unintentionally yk he had his own shit to deal with). i don’t speak japanese and maybe it was originally worded differently but based on this english translation, it’s so obvious that takeomi just really harshly criticized haru for making mistakes (and for not doing the best job at something he’s not responsible for and has no prior experience with)..... why not tell him what to say instead or idk do anything other than just basically saying u are doing it wrong fuck u. there’s just so much wrong with the way takeomi communicates with him idek if i should go any further, this seems self explanatory. he just keeps criticizing him instead of like teaching him or providing some kind of guidance at least idfk

some might say here that maybe it was just this one time that he scolded him for not properly raising his younger sister at the ripe age of 10 years old or sth but imo wakui included this for a reason, to tell a story and show us that it was probably a repeating pattern

and now we’re here. clearly haru doesn’t take takeomi’s criticism well (which was honestly expected from a literal child). he doesn’t understand any of it and why he is blamed for everything. 

personally, i think this really fucked with him on a subconscious level (because.. yk ..those topics can be quite incomprehensible for 4th graders that just learned multiplication). hearing all the time that u keep doing things wrong and that it's your responsibility which u should've known somehow from somewhere? 

ok this sounds like i’m excessively explaining the tremendously concerning and detrimental effects of child abuse so why am i even including this in a post about asd? well.. 

Many autistic people are highly sensitive to criticism, even more so than most people in general are. For many of us this may be due, at least in part, to childhood trauma. Many of us were bullied. Even among those of us with relatively non-traumatic childhoods, most of us grew up being criticized and corrected a lot more than most kids are. Many of us live in constant dread of doing something wrong. Many of us have developed a deep emotional need to be "right" at all times.

from here

lol does this sound familiar?

imo what and how takeomi talked to haru made him internalize this idea that whatever he does is wrong and that he should always do better. i included this quote here because (at least from my personal experience) people that are on the spectrum always just have “something wrong with them” and always just should “try harder” to be “normal”. (not my opinion btw, this is just what we constantly hear from allistics). 

i guess it’s not that weird to say that well maybe if haru didn’t actually do anything wrong, then he shouldn’t be stressed about getting scolded because again, he’s innocent right? well i’m gonna have to disagree 

kids are kids and their brains are still in the early stages of development; let’s assume that an adult (or a parental figure that holds some kind of authority to whom a child looks up) keeps telling said child that they are doing something incorrectly, eventually they will start believing it regardless of the actual circumstances. 

autistic people tend to be more sensitive to criticism for obvious reasons as mentioned above so harsh (and unreasonable i’d say) criticism is probably going to affect them to a larger extent 

he’s just scared and confused; (also potentially physical) abuse is not a concept that’s particularly difficult to understand

so let’s say, hypothetically speaking, for the sake of the argument lol that haru is somewhere on the spectrum and is already struggling with being somewhat different than most kids. it’s enough for a child to feel inferior and then there’s also takeomi adding even more pressure, basically triggering those very specific emotions. 

we can see that this entire situation (and the cause of it) is beyond his comprehension. haru doesn’t understand why but he now knows that somehow it’s always his fault because he always does things wrong. that is a lot to take in for any kid, especially those who are on the spectrum. 

my personal take on why he can’t talk back to takeomi: he was already conditioned to think that whatever he does will never be enough or satisfactory which has already affected his self esteem. let’s say, hypothetically speaking, u think that u always do everything wrong and somebody (wrongfully) accuses u of something really random... u probably aren't going to argue with them and will most likely say something like “yeah nothing new honestly” instead. bad example ik but i think that’s where haru was at in this chapter; he already felt worthless and scared in 4th grade, at the age of like 10. that’s so young to feel that way and it breaks my heart :// 

Many people with autism experience a triad of trauma: neglect at home, abuse from trusted adults and bullying at school or work.

(...)

Studies suggest that children on the spectrum are up to three times as likely as their neurotypical peers to be targets of bullying and physical or sexual abuse. Such maltreatment can cause severe stress and trauma, yet it often goes unrecognized or unreported. 

from here

we can already see that possibly around that time, he’s already begun isolating himself from others or at least developed some kind of subconscious tendency to stay away from them (as a self defense mechanism). i assume his 10 year old brain correlated abuse with just simply existing around others

i think it wouldn’t be surprising if that reasoning stuck with him throughout his entire life as the human brain technically remains in the developmental stage until mid to late 20s.... and below is even proof

anyway moving on; due to the fact that people on the spectrum are much more likely to experience any type of abuse, it’s not that uncommon for exploitation to take place. 

up until this point, we’ve established that 

haru was already struggling with his self esteem and possibly feeling inferior to some degree in his childhood (which by itself could make him a target of exploitation) but also 

the possibility of him being on the spectrum can most definitely increase the chances of him being abused and used by others as described below

Neglect in particular is a problem for children with autism, as well as for those with intellectual disability. Neglect is the most common type of maltreatment documented by child protective services.

(...)

Autistic children are also vulnerable to physical abuse. Primary caregivers in the immediate family are the most common perpetrators of the abuse, but a broader range of offenders — including family members, babysitters and childcare providers — may be more likely to target children with autism or intellectual disability than other children.

from here

TW // disclaimer: the following part mainly illustrates the correlation between sa and autism. based solely on the manga and the direction in which it’s going, i personally wouldn’t say that haru is clearly a victim of sa (although technically it’s still possible) but imo there’s not enough factual evidence to prove this kind of speculation. 

i included the following part because it’s extremely relevant to this context and what i’m about to go over next 

In addition to difficulty with emotional processing, children with autism may encounter communication challenges that may make them particularly desirable targets of sexual offenders because of the perception that they would be unable to disclose the abuse. Research indicates that up to 50% of children with autism are functionally nonverbal. 

from here

ok well u may be wondering why am i even including this if i don’t suspect sa in haru’s case. i think this explanation thoroughly demonstrates how and why autistic kids are more likely to be subjected to exploitation. with that said, kids on the spectrum sometimes may not be aware of what is going on and why it’s harmful to them (that happened to me SO many times but it’s besides the point). 

it’s entirely possible that mikey is well aware of haru’s idolatry towards him (stemming from autism or not) and decides to utilize it to his own personal advantage. this panel can literally imply that haru is being used like a disposable tool to do all the dirty work. which again, happens to so many autistic kids as they’re not aware of what exactly is going on. 

i wouldn’t even be surprised if haru was happy about the fact that mikey asked him to do all the work, because he would never even consider exploitation. why? because he wouldn’t want to do that to mikey as he cares for him deeply i assume

The ability to discern other's intentions, desires and beliefs is called "theory of mind" and typically develops at about age 4 or 5, according to the study.

In a classic example, a child is shown two dolls, "Sally" and "Anne." The experimenter puts on a skit in which Sally puts a marble in a basket. While Sally isn't looking, Anne moves the marble from the basket to a box. The experimenter asks the child where Sally will look for the marble when she returns.

Knowing that Sally will look in the basket requires understanding that others have beliefs that may differ from our own.

Previous studies have shown that children with autism develop this ability later than other children, if ever, Young said.

from here

keep in mind that haru always ranks lower than mikey; after toman disbands, haru is always directly below mikey. he’s basically his right hand aka does most if not all of the dirty work for him. it’s also highly likely that he puts himself in that position willingly because at the end of the day, he wants to help mikey and do what’s best for him

we were also explicitly shown that he continues to do so in every timeline, including bonten, where he kills people on mikey’s command, for instance  

it’s entirely possible that it’s a huge stretch here since he’s the “loyal mad dog” and such behavior can be most definitely expected from haru. nevertheless i think it’s an undeniably interesting detail that gives some insight into mikey’s and haru’s relationship which conveniently bring us to the next part 

‣ haru, mikey and baji & the unfolding of their friendship

according to senju in chapter 240, they “were always together back then”. we know that senju may not be the most reliable narrator but 

if she “always” followed them around then i guess she had a somewhat clear picture of what their dynamic looked like at that time, right? 

basically we don’t really know what happened to their friendship later. we know that it’s possible that mikey was responsible for haru’s scars or was at least somehow involved in the process. it’s also entirely possible that this situation traumatized all 3 of them and caused them to drift away from each other? maybe but this is just my personal theory and i have no evidence to support this claim. so let’s stick to the manga 

keep this in mind:

Physical attacks by peers may leave autistic children with wounds on their faces, shoulder displacements and large scratches on their body.

from here

we still don’t know what exactly happened and why (haru’s pov is long overdue atp) but why was it haru that got his entire fucking mouth ripped open by another middle schooler? why not baji for example (since he was also there)? idk seems oddly specific 

i tried to compartmentalize all those events and make some kind of a timeline. they were around 10 years old at that time, so chapter 241 probably happened in 2000.

2000 and prior: mikey, baji and haru are best friends 

2000: mikey hurts haru

2001/ 5th grade: mikey becomes best friends with draken

2003: toman is formed. mikey, baji and draken are included in the group of the founding members

where the fuck is haru? and what happened to him?

ok so toman was formed and haru stuck around somewhere in the background but was never included in anything major. it looks like him and mikey were still on decent terms i guess? but they didn’t spend that much time together anymore. otherwise it would be shown in the manga i assume. but it wasn’t....

it seems like mikey gave haru those scars and then everybody just moved on? completely ditching him and forming a gang? :// 

idk but to me at least, it looks like they kind of abandoned haru because he was somewhat different. this could relate to how baji always considered him to be weird for whatever reason or the humongous scars on his face lol or both. 

imo there’s enough evidence for me to think that he was pushed to the back and completely forgotten by his closest friends. mikey and baji found new ones and what about him? we don’t know why yet but it’s just such a common thing that happens to so many autistic kids. brushed aside because they’re different for whatever reason. 

It can sometimes be difficult to feel like you ‘fit in’ or to find your place in the world. Because of this, many autistic people can end up being socially isolated and lonely.

from here

Autistic young people are often misunderstood by non-autistic young people, and this can lead to difficulties in their friendships. We know that friendship is very important for our mental health. For non-autistic young people, having good friendships is linked to better mental health and having problems in friendship can cause mental health problems.

from here

Children with ASD have difficulty with social interaction behaviors, including establishing and maintaining relationships, reciprocating social interaction, and communicating with others.

from here

haru baby he’s your childhood friend too, isn’t he? :((

ok so basically to summarize whatever i wrote here up until this point. his friend(s) see him as weird which means that he fails to fit in (does something wrong again). then takeomi nags him about not raising senju properly (so again, he fails to do something correctly). it seems like he always does everything wrong no matter what he does or where he goes. 

dude i’d leave home too. haru’s childhood was probably a living hell

‣ haru’s odd placement in panels/official art 

draken’s flashback before he died. it’s just so bizarre to me that he’s always there but in the background, pushed aside. it’s possible that draken just wasn’t close friends with haru but if that’s true then why is he even here? 

again, in the background. i feel like him being there in the back is supposed to show us that he was always somehow involved but was more of a supporting character. but like... he literally killed mucho in this volume so it’s not like he had no impact on the story’s trajectory. 

yes i know that he was on the inside cover but still 

there’s mikey, baji, emma and where’s haru? it looks like they were still kids here and apparently they were childhood friends with haru too ... so? could be a reach but like baji isn’t a part of the sano family and he’s there .. 

hm maybe haru was constantly excluded (to some extent) from the very beginning, it’s just that senju didn’t mention it or wasn’t fully aware of what was going on

side note:  draken and mucho are dead, they also have their backs turned kind of like like pah, peh and haru *sobbing intensifies* anyway

is haru oddly placed here? maybe, idk, not really but everybody’s near somebody they’re close to. takemitchi & hina, emma & draken, peh & pah, mikey & baji, chifuyu & baji, mitsuya & yuzuha, mitsuya & draken and the kawata twins. the only ones that seem out of place are kazutora, hakkai, mucho and haru.

i have no idea wtf kazutora is doing tbh but he’s affiliated with mikey who saved him from his dad the day they met or sth and baji is there so it makes sense + toman was formed to protect kazutora and mikey is its leader. 

hakkai is randomly placed too but him and mikey have some history together.

technically mucho was a part of toman, he was the 5th division captain after all and we know that he was close with smiley who was the 4th division captain. so yes, he played a significant role in toman but imo tenjiku arc was supposed to show us that at the end of the day, his loyalty belonged to the s62 generation. well he even told us this

and then there’s haru, completely alone :( idek if he knows the kawata twins or yuzuha. technically wakui could’ve put him next to mucho (that would make a lot of sense) but i think this is supposed to show us that even though they were seemingly close, they were still very much far away from each other (emotionally). although mucho attempted to reduce that distance (cb3) idk if he was able to see any satisfactory results before haru killed him (which imo was a subconscious self defense reaction that mostly stemmed from what i’m explaining in this post)  

tldr; imo all of this is supposed to show us that no matter what haru does, at the end of the day he will always remain in the background, pushed aside, forgotten or in the shadows of his other friends possibly because of the way that he is. abandoned and left to deal with everything alone. 

‣ haru being a “clean freak”

i’ve seen a lot of people say he has ocd and huge disclaimer here, i’m not saying that all autistic people have raging ocd but like such behaviors tend to be present in people on the spectrum 

Autism and obsessive-compulsive disorder frequently accompany each other.

(...)

Studies indicate that up to 84 percent of autistic people have some form of anxiety; as much as 17 percent may specifically have OCD. And an even larger proportion of people with OCD may also have undiagnosed autism, according to one 2017 study.

from here

i mean do i even have to explain this one?

Other symptoms that are present include restrictive, repetitive patterns of behaviors, or narrow and/or atypical interests.  They may have inflexible adherence to routines, difficulty with transitioning, ritualized speech or behavior, and exhibit sensory processing difficulties.

from here

Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity (...). Certain sounds, smells, textures and tastes can also be overwhelming.

from here 

haru just has sensory issues and is probably unaware of that :/

side note:  listen this may sound like a huge stretch (and it probably is)  apparently ever since mucho got him cheesecake in an attempt to get closer to him and basically make him more comfortable, he’s been a cheesecake enjoyer lol. now obviously, he likes cheesecake because it reminds him of the unconditional love, acceptance and sympathy that mucho offered him. it probably reminds him of how wholesome that entire situation was because it’s likely that he was never approached by anybody with pure intentions before.

but it’s just so interesting that wakui chose cheesecake, a plain dessert that doesn’t have any weird texture and is probably very much suitable for people on the spectrum. idk if this was intentional, probably not, but still it’s so interesting how everything seems to be adding up lol

on top of that haru literally dislikes spicy food .. come on now ..

‣ hyperfixating on mikey: his primary motivation 

....i guess his sensory issues could also explain this panel but it’s kinda obvious that he’s obsessed with mikey for some reason that we don’t know about yet. 

again, obv there’s definitely much more to this story that would explain his behavior without mentioning any neurodevelopmental disorders but imo he’s just hyperfixating on mikey. 

it’s not bpd/psychopathy/stockholm syndrome; he’s just a neurodivergent kid with issues 

It is a kind of extreme fixation on a certain show, person, or thought. It is a kind of coping mechanism for people suffering from anxiety disorders, depression, and autism. Hyperfixation can last for years.

from here

and mikey is probably his “favorite person” (no, this isn’t only reserved for bpd; various symptoms of both disorders overlap actually; they’re different disorders regardless).

i don’t even know where bpd came from, like haru just doesn’t display that many symptoms that are commonly associated with bpd which is primarily characterized by evident (and repeating) behavioral patterns. 

Therefore, both individuals with BPD and individuals with autism may have challenges in social relationships but for different reasons. Those with autism may prefer to be alone or cannot read others’ emotions, while those with BPD are more likely to experience extreme emotions and impact their relationships because of it.

from here

i’m just trying to analyze his behavior in accordance with the manga without making additional assumptions and again, the evidence to support such a claim is insufficient.

side note:  it’s so ironic that this type of hyperfixation can be “often described as "tunnel vision"

Autistic brains are often really good at focusing deeply on one thing at a time; they may struggle to split attention between topics. ‘Hyperfixation’ is being completely immersed in something to the exclusion of everything else. It's more common in autistic people and can be a great asset. In this state a great deal of learning, productivity and appreciation can take place. When hyperfixating it’s important to take time to look after your basic needs, and it can be difficult when other people or responsibilities seek your attention. 

from here

he explicitly states here that he made consistent and persistent efforts just to make sure that the further course of his action was going to be meticulously planned. why? because mikey is concerned with the outcome so obv haru is going to do absolutely everything and anything to succeed 

unlike a psychopath, he’s not driven by personal desires; he’s not doing that because he feels like it and/or because it’s fun. he’s doing whatever it takes to satisfy mikey, his “king” 

it’s not stockholm syndrome either because 

In these instances, the captors use emotional tactics to convince victims to sympathize with them and comply with their demands. This can involve convincing victims that the outside world is more dangerous than staying with their captors or persuading victims that the kidnapper is a victim, too.

from here

and we have not seen that in the manga 

This makes victims feel like they are unable to escape from their situation, which is why people with Stockholm Syndrome stay with their captors.

from here

haru never seems scared around mikey; if anything, he’s fascinated by him and excited to see what he’s going to do next.. why? bc he’s simply hyperfixated

my personal take on why he’s so intrigued by mikey’s dark impulses:  we’ve established here that haru grew up feeling weak and possibly inferior; he wasn’t as strong as others. so when mikey hurt him in 4th grade (mikey was just another lil kid, they were the same age), that’s probably when haru realized or noticed how strong mikey actually was/still is. maybe he even started looking up to him 

from a logical point of view, i don’t think it was weird of him to stay by mikey’s side. it reminds me of why koko stayed in tenjiku. haru’s decision to remain alongside mikey, imo was not only influenced by his feelings towards him, but also possibly the result of making a calculated choice after evaluating the power structure of tokyo at that time. and we’ve seen that haru most definitely has the mental capacity to think logically and use inferential reasoning 

‣ you have to keep an eye on the king, but also on yourself

idek how to put this into words this is so sad. not only haru was neglected by everybody around him, but it’s likely that he neglected himself too. 

Many people on the Autism spectrum struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. So they just get fixated on one thing so they don’t have to deal with the stress of switching from one thing to another. 

from here

he probably became so focused on mikey, his goals and his wellbeing that he completely forgot about himself. again, this could also relate to him being neglected by takeomi, a parental figure and how that’s affected him and his self perception. it’s also possible that he didn’t take care of himself (mentally and emotionally) because he was already conditioned to believe that he’s unworthy so yk why even try

As a result of low self-care, a person could start to feel worthless. Because, in general, individuals on the spectrum might have stronger feelings, even the smallest of things can majorly affect that person, in ways neurotypical people won’t understand.

In addition, many people with autism may feel that even though they don’t take the best care of themselves, there are more important subjects to worry about. Other self-advocates may not have the energy to look after themselves, as a possible result of depression, not enough free time, or difficulties with family and/or friends.

from here

:(

‣ moral judgment impairment

disclaimer: ok this part is going to be so difficult for me to write bc i have no idea what’s right, wrong and what morality generally stands for but i’ll try my best. lmk if this part doesn’t make sense

i wholeheartedly believe that haru thinks (or that he convinced himself) that he’s doing the right and appropriate thing. am i trying to say that he thinks mass murder is justified and necessary? yes i do. because he probably doesn’t see it as immoral or inherently wrong; he only cares about mikey and his “path of carnage” 

People with autism may perceive morality differently than normally functioning people because they focus more on the outcomes of situations, rather than the intentions of the people in those situations.

(...)

Moral judgment is a complex social cognitive process, but it is also influenced by moral education.

from here

side note:  well who was there to ensure that he receives proper moral education? probably nobody. how was he even supposed to identify a set of beliefs and values regarding what is right and wrong? 

Empathy is typically considered as a necessary component of developing moral agents. Empathy may play at least two roles in the development of moral agency: (i) empathic ability might be helpful to learn important moral lessons; (ii) empathic responses to harm suffered by a victim might be important in shaping moral judgments to wrong-doing. Furthermore, empathic capacity is useful in understanding who is judged to be a victim of moral transgression.

from here

very often people on the spectrum lack empathy, which plays a significant role in the process of building a moral compass and developing moral intelligence as mentioned above. 

The term ‘empathy’ is used in a variety of ways, and problems of empathy have been suggested to be central to both psychopathy and autism spectrum disorders. 

(...)

The affective/information processing correlates of psychopathic tendencies and ASD are quite different. Psychopathic tendencies are associated with difficulties in resonating with other people’s distress, whereas ASD is characterized by difficulties in knowing what other people think.

from here 

i’m pretty sure that i’ve already went over this aspect of autism somewhere before but i’ll do it again for the sake of convenience 

‘Mind blindness’ — a theory that holds that people with autism are unable to form an awareness of others’ thoughts. 

from here

tldr; imo haru is aware of what he’s doing, he knows that he’s murdering people, his friends even. but he’s incapable of understanding why that’s wrong or why he shouldn’t be doing this. his own way of reasoning rejects the idea of morality and what it generally means to allistic people. he thinks in logical terms and the most important aspect of his life is to protect mikey and “his path”. so that’s what he’s going to do and he’ll go to great lengths to achieve that without even questioning if he’s doing the morally right thing. because in his mind, he is. because why wouldn’t he, right?

‣ bonus points for bearing an invisible cross as a consequence of the series of events 

not to be annoying but this panel again

disclaimer: i’m probably going to sound like i’m contradicting myself here but pls trust me also i’ll try my best not to project bc this part just hits home lol

yes i’ve dedicated a decent amount of this post (if not the vast majority) explaining how loneliness and feeling abandoned has probably greatly influenced his way of thinking and how he perceives the outside world.

nevertheless, autistic people tend to have a decreased need for social interaction

A general explanation for the impairments in social initiative and reciprocity states that individuals with autism find social interactions less rewarding, because they fail to appreciate their emotional significance. Indeed, abnormal brain functioning in autism suggests impaired sensitivity to social affiliation and reward at a neural level.

from here

does that mean that all autistic people prefer to isolate themselves from others? absolutely not. 

ok so wtf am i even talking about here? what i’m trying to say is that maybe that tendency to detach has prevailed the older he got. i mean we saw him have friends before but we also know that at some point in his childhood, he started pushing people away (and not just random people, senju was his sister that he raised so obv they were close). it’s entirely possible that he subconsciously or consciously reshaped his disposition into this over exaggerated but also apathetic persona because of psychological trauma that stemmed from potentially being on the spectrum and how difficult it was to grow up not only neglected but also in a society that’s primarily designed for neurotypicals. 

it’s also worth mentioning that it’s extremely rare for allistic people to recognize, understand and react to this. the people around him most likely didn't know what he was going through (he probably didn't even know himself), so they couldn't possibly figure it out on their own. this sounds like absolute nonsense, so i’m going to speak from my personal experience to put this into perspective. my mom is not a neurodivergent person and has no idea what neurodivergent people go through so how could she know that i was always struggling with the simplest things like bright led lamps? she always thought i was complaining for no reason and that i was also trying to piss her off on purpose. why? because she, as a neurotypical, has no issues with bright lightning; if she ever kept bringing it up, it would probably be because of some petty reasons that are completely unrelated to the neurological structure of her brain. 

tldr; this brings us back to the story of his neglect and how the perpetuated cycle of abuse never stops, but ultimately and substantially gets worse. obv it’s possible to break the cycle, but it can be a long, draining process that requires a lot of external support and emotional investment.... it’s possible that maybe if he wasn’t neglected by his family, he’d be able to receive the proper and necessary guidance that maybe could have led him to a different path; a path that isn’t centered around violence and straight up carnage. 

anyway, keep in mind that this panel is from september 2008, so haru is 18 years old here; technically he’s an adult. he probably spent his entire life neglected and alone. obv he’s developed some kind of subconscious self defense mechanism and now he feels like “i don’t need anybody and i don’t even want anybody” .....because nobody needed and wanted him in the first place  

With today’s modern conveniences, a person can physically survive a solitary existence. But that existence is probably not a happy one. Thanks to millions of years of natural selection, being rejected is still painful. 

(...) 

Social rejection activates many of the same brain regions involved in physical pain.

from here

tldr; do autistic people tend to prefer to be alone? yes. does it still hurt to be abandoned regardless of the presence of neurodevelopmental disorders? also yes. autistic people are people too yk

‣ bonus points for his adorable posture

ok this is really random and more like a fun lil fact about him but like look at his posture, it’s so cute. also i think he’s the only one that stands like that in the manga, so it’s safe to assume that his way of standing is different lol

Motor impairments in individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have been frequently reported.

from here

‣ extra bonus points for cosplaying Raymond Babbitt

another fun lil fact and i SWEAR i’m not doing this on purpose. i’m most definitely not trying to attribute each and every little detail that i know about him to autism but like..

haru is 2nd best at gambling 

Restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviors, interests, or activities are a critical diagnostic criterion for autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Previous studies using gambling paradigms with ASD populations have identified that, unlike typically developed control participants, people with a diagnosis of ASD tend to maintain particular response patterns regardless of the magnitude of potential outcomes to uncertain gains or losses. 

(...)

These findings suggest that the ASD tendency towards repetitive behavior may demonstrate itself even in high-level decision-making tasks.

from here

//

ok i think that’s all, lmk what u think also sorry if this is too long lol

[misspoetree]

Okay, hold my marbles, the Tay headconnons, YOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Finally. FINALLY some good tea! I love that the agenda of Tay is more then he seems gets more followers\^.^/

Your hc's are so amazing, oh my gosh!!! :D

And after your nice invitation, I couldn't not rant about more XD

I mean, at first I was also absorbed with Tay's fashion and beauty (look at that man, he is GORGEOUS!) But exactly like you said, just beauty doesn't last in a world where everything is build to tear the lovely picture apart that covers your marks. If you only have the looks, you will also have the bottom place in the foodchain. But Tay... he is so much more. Because he survived, he is friends with Kinn and if not Kinn (pre Porsche, so still kinda asshole towards humans) then definetly Korn would've prevented Kinn from getting friends with persons way under his league. He has something and I think that is the brain.

To humbly add to your glorious pile of genius ideas and hc's, I think, I speculate, that sometimes Tay can tend to be a little paranoid. I mean, he is constantly looking out for himself, studies other people, he is aware about how he looks. That he looks like someone who can get taken out easily. So he knows he has to do everything to prevent that. The downside is, exhaustion, restlessness, anxiety and clinging on to the few "safe" things he has like Time, no matter the cheating, or his new found connection with Porsche. But it also has a few good sides.

For example, I think his situational awareness is at least at the same level as one of the bodyguards. He knows how to look for hidden dangers and sudden movements. Like you said, he reads people. He gets it. This goes for his daily life as well as his role within his friends.

Because in a dangerous situation, in an auction or deal that went south, he knows that nobody would try to go after Kinn as a hostage. They would kill him for a coin but taking him would be too dangerous, after all, nobody flipps off a Theerapanyakun in the face and lives to tell the tale. So instead, they would aim for Tay.

I think, Tay is indeed very aware of his surroundings. He knows how to look out for potential danger, how to look for escape routes or cover. But he is also aware of the persons around them.

He connects easily with Porsche and Chay in their home, he is used to talking with people. In a room full of people with power, a powder keg, that only needs a spark to ignite, I think Tay would be the one with a sweet smile. He knows how to talk with people and how to make them think their doing is their own idea. He is the one for whom people pull out chairs and offer a seat or a drink. And he knows how to react, how to dance on the tightrope of being friendly, innocent, a beauty in between the weapons and a pleasant company without promising them more (They want more, he knows they do and that everyone tries to but he has no intention on taking things in this way. All he does is creating a fantasy, a little part of peace that they want to have, that they want to watch and protect.)

He offers a sweet smile, a pleasant conversation and when the bullets start flying it gives him a meat shield of some guy who fell for his act and went to protect the damsel in distress.

Even if all of his doings just earns him a single second more, a second more is 3 new plans on how to get out of the situation with Tays dangerous mind.

Hey, lovely Anon! I’m so sorry that it took me so long to answer – I just needed a little moment away from Tumblr. <3

Thank you so much for the all the nice things you had to say about my headcanons – and thank you for your very interesting and inspiring thoughts on that matter! *_*

I love that you mentioned Korn, because yes, I also believe that he wouldn’t be very fond of Kinn having friends under his league. But I think that’s because he sees friendship more from the business side of things (surprise, surprise). Tay’s father is very influential and so is Time’s (as we learn from the conversation in episode 2). It would be incredibly stupid to not keep the connections to those families tight and personal. And what better way to do just that than to keep their children around?

That said, I don’t think Korn likes Tay very much. Or at least he wouldn’t if he ever saw Tay for what he really is. How effortless he can push Kinn in the direction he chooses. Because yes, like you said, Tay has a brain, but he also has a heart, and he knows how to use both of them (on Kinn). Just think about the hospital scenes in episode 7. Korn holds this whole metaphoric speech about apples and dull knives to get Kinn back in line. And what happens? Along comes Tay, takes one look at Kinn, drops a few words of easy wisdom…and all of Korn’s eloquent efforts are for naught. Ohhh, Tay is dangerous indeed. And wouldn’t that be another fun fanfic topic - Korn seeing the true danger of Tay for the first time? And being forced to...do something about that? Or at least consider doing something about it? Weighing Tay's influence on Kinn against the influence of Tay's family? 👀

And Tay being slightly paranoid, the restlessness of it, his situational awareness, clinging on to safe things – yes, yes, YES to all of that! 😍 It’s so juicy, I love it. Thank you for dropping all of that into my asks, very much appreciated!!!!! 🙏🏻

Also: you 🤝🏻@haahka🤝🏻@mortimerlatrice (#make him a monster (one who still knows how to love without being thought) - that tag?!?!!?!?) – making me want to write a dark arch for Tay so badly ahhhhhhh!!! 😫🙌🏻

Because: “All he does is creating a fantasy, a little part of peace that they want to have, they want to watch and protect. (…) He offers a sweet smile, a pleasant conversation and when the bullets start flying it gives him a meat shield of some guy who fell for his act and went to protect the damsel in distress.”

ANON, OH MY GOD!!! 🤯

But despite all of this, despite the strong survival instinct and the manipulation, I do believe that Tay truly DOES care for people and that his warmth and compassion are genuine. And that makes the thought of Tay using another person as a meat shield even juicier, oh my God. Because right then, he doesn’t feel, he doesn’t think. He’s just acting. Reacting. Pure animal instinct. Getting out of the situation alive is all that matters. And he does. But sooner or later, he comes back to himself, slowly turns back into a human being and for the first time, he sees what he has done. Notices the sticky blood splattered across his arms and chest and face. Notices the corpse at his feet. The corpse of the man that jumped in front of him. “Better him than me,” he thinks, in the dissipating haze of adrenalin, just to recoil from himself in disgust a moment later. And then, the realisation truly sets in. Panic rising, rising, rising in his chest until his feet are moving on their own volition. Until he’s running just to get away, ignoring the calls of his name echoing behind him, drowned out by the voices calling him "Monster" in his own head. And maybe he runs to another monster, then. Finds himself at the door of a man that seems to glory in that title. And he knocks.

Oh. I might. I might just got an idea for a fic. 👀

(Look away @tumsa, Tay is still our sunshine boy who deserves the world and only happiness, and I still owe you an overdue message, I'm sorry! 🙈💕)

Anyways. Anon, thank you so much and I hope you see this! 😍🙏🏻

[touyubesposts]

How do you think Markiplier's egos and Sanders Sides would interact with one another?

I am so glad you asked! (This is gonna be long)

For context, I imagine the reason they all met was some time-warp space fuckery, and right now the sides only chance at survival is kinda hanging out with the egos until something can get sorted.

As a whole, everything is relatively peaceful. Is there Drama? Of course. But nothing too terrible. Maybe a physical altercation on a bad day, but nothing that would get the sides thrown out.

Let's get the obvious out of the way: Remus and Wilford would hang out. Remus would be fascinated by how off the walls Wilford could get and Wilford wouldn’t think twice about Remus’s insane sentinces. He’s like that Marge meme of ‘I just think he’s neat!’ Remus doesn’t really care about the others, but he loves asking Google fucked-up questions because he’ll just answer. No hesitation. And Remus thinks that's hilarious. Also him and Heehoo have to be kept in separate rooms after the incident.

Patton and Stan would be IMMEDIATE FRIENDS. I’m talking first day of knowing each other, Patton has already made friendship bracelets, Stan makes sure Patton is taking care of himself, and they have a ‘dad club’ that consists of only them two. And they match! They have basically adopted the others as their own, even Patton sometimes able to help Dark. The only person he hasn’t ‘officially’ adopted is Yancy. Patton found out Yancy was a self-made orphan and decided ‘he’s just, like, a friend’ because Patton values his life. (But if we're getting into uncanon egos, Patton basically adopted Erek Derekson and Hates Derek Derekson. Like I fully believe if you put this two face-to-face, they would fight. Patton deserves to go ape-shit as a treat :) )

Logan doesn’t necessarily like Google, but out of all the others, he tolerates Google the most. They pretty much work together to try and get things figured out for everyone, and their relationship is strictly work colleagues. Until Logan found out Google also really likes space. Now he’s intrigued. Another ego that intrigues him are The Jims. Its because he’s heard of a side splitting, but not infinitely splitting. Now he’s begun keeping a tiny notebook on everything he’s learned about the others.

Roman is the most active when it comes to hanging out with the other egos. Him and Yancy definitely bond over their love of musicals and their (chosen) family. For Illinois, however, I feel like they’re either partners or rivals, no in-between. If they’re partners, total bond over their love of adventure and constant compliments. If rivals, very catty behavior from both of them about how self-absorbed the other is. Roman and Dark have a mutual hatred for each other. Roman thinks Dark is the Villain while Dark hates any idea of a hero after Actor. Also Roman found out Dark was twins that re-merged and gained a new fear. And finally, Actor manipulates the shit out of Roman, constantly planting ideas of how similar they are and talking about how everyone else abandoned them so he should stay vigilant.

Janus probably talks to the others the least, keeping his distance and watching from afar. However, he does enjoy learning about the others through the sides that talk to him. Whether it's frustrations or compliments, he takes a mental note of it all. The only person he doesn’t know about at all is Actor, and Roman would love to keep it that way. Janus also loves knocking the more egotistical egos down a peg with off-handed comments. Luckily, that hasn't wound up in anything bad. And while he does do this, he would protect them if it came down to it. While he doesn’t like them, others do. And they all have a use.

Virgil, surprisingly enough, found his way near Dark. I think Dark realizes Virgil’s ‘potential’ and keeps him nearby because if anyone were to stop Virgil, it would be Dark. And if anyone were to help Dark, it would be Virgil. (You know Virgil’s voice thing when he gets anxious? Yeah, I’m gonna be the first to assume it doesn’t stop there.) Virgil over time realizes Dark is a lot like Logan and Janus, meaning he's keeps to himself a lot and attempts to hide his emotions a lot. But because Virgil is near Dark, he’s gotten to know all the others (as well as Dark) very well. Virgil nearly sprinted towards Logan once he found out Heehoo had a scientific name. Also Virgil was the first Side to find out about Dark and Wilford’s Past, which was shocking for him because some of the other egos don’t know his past.

So that's my head canons, feel free to tell me your own, and I hope you have a good day!

[i-am-trying-my-best-okay]

Headcanons About The Next Generation After TLH (Part One?)

Because I'm afraid of not getting much info on the next generation after tlh, I need to make headcanons:

Alexander Lightwood: Definitely has some deep rooted trauma about the whole being forced to take runes. Even when he gets old enough and even after he's been doing it a while, runes scare him, and it's hard each time to get them as needed. So he strives to be so good at being a Shadowhunter, that he won't need that many runes to help him. This leads to him constantly training, trying so hard to be the best. This probably doesn't make him popular amongst his peers, viewing him as way too intense and a bit of a hardass. This probably leads him to hanging out a lot with Owen and all the other younger kids more often then people his own age. He wants to train them, but the other kids are kinda scared to given how hardcore he goes with training. But he never gives up, practically begging to train the other kids everytime he sees them, only to be turned down each and everytime. His family definitely worries about him fighting, since he puts on the bare minimum of runes. He fights with all he has regardless, and his family wants him to stop being so reckless, but he never listens. I'd like to think he eventually makes friends his own age that understand him, gaining a parabatai even. Maybe his parabatai helps him with his fear of runes, since getting runes from a parabatai is supposed to be a different experience.

Zachary Carstairs: Lived with his mom in Persia until 1911 when she died, then moved in with Alastair and Thomas in Paris. Then, when Zachary finally began healing, in 1915 Thomas died too, probably in battle. So at only 12 this kid is well versed in loss. (Don't know if these death dates are canon anymore but its all i have to work with) Alastair decides to move back to London to be closer to his friends and sister to deal with the loss, and hopefully get Zachary, who had been too absorbed in the grief of his mother to make friends, to not isolate himself once again and make some connections. After all, Alastair knows all about self isolating himself out of pain, and gives some pretty inspiring advice to Zachary, but he's still struggling. Zachary's a naturally quiet person, he'll be in a room for a while before he's noticed, always surprising people with his presence; Definitely has a rep for being creepy because of that. He's definitely better at sneaking up on demons in a more of a sneak attack thing then just straight on, also enjoys spying. He and the Fairchild twins definitely become very close, forming a little tight knit trio.

Tamara "Tammie" Fairchild and Theodore "Theo" Fairchild (The Fairchild Twins): Their parents are much older than everyone else's parents, so they often find themselves worried about their parents dying sooner then they would like. Tammie adores record keeping any and everything. She likes knowing things, and thinks everyone should know everything as well, often leading to her giving a lot of unwanted rants to others. She writes any and everything down. (She definitely hates Esme with a burning passion) She just really wants a well written record of history for the next generations to come. She is well versed in extracting information from people. She fights demons very robotically almost; she’s good at it, it’s just very cold like. Theo loves fighting, it's honestly a bit concerning. He's a bit addicted to the adrenaline of it. He always came home covered in bruises and the biggest smile, just gotten into another fight on purpose. He fights demon like a monster really, it's kind of scary. Henry probably heard of 'this cool new thing called art therapy' and Theo actually became quite the artist. So the trio of these twins and Zachary definitely have a bit of a rep for being intimidating.

Owen Herondale: No idea if this guy is still canon due to the family tree mess, but I'm just going to assume it is. I think it would be funny if he, unlike every other Herondale to ever exist, is amazing at communicating his feelings, as well as other people's feelings. He's like, 'it's okay, I know you're only lashing out in a misguided attempt to protect me because you care about me, but I assure you this kind of thing is self destructive'. He very much acts as an unlicensed therapist, and random people often just pop up to discuss their problems to him. But he's still a Herondale, so of course there needs to be something, so he often finds himself disregarding his own feelings to help others; He is carrying a lot of people's emotional burdens, and it can be exhausting. He's definitely way too good at playing chess, Cordelia and James having taught him, turning him into a bit of a strategist when fighting demons and other aspects of life.

Lydia Kingsmill: Again, no idea if this is still canon, but here we are. Lydia, ngl, interests me so much; She isn't from one of the main Shadowhunter families we're used to. We know nothing of the Kingsmill's. I'd say since she's basically the only Kingsmill we know of, that the Kingsmill's are probably a family that have a bit of a Lovelace situation. They aren't usually super involved, doing the bare minimum. Maybe Lydia's parents decided to quit when she was a kid, but she refused, wanting to become a true Shadowhunter. So she gave them an ultimatum; her, or a peaceful life. They choose a peaceful life, and she ran off to live in the London Institute. This, naturally, is how she got involved with the Herondales, the Carstairs, the Lightwoods, the Fairchilds, and the Blackthorns. She's definitely incredibly stubborn, probably thinks she needs to be the best because she literally left her parents for this, so every she takes every mistake very hard. The only one that actually trains with Alexander (he literally cries when she accepts). Her and Owen, of course, in his Herondale nature, have quite the love story. They met young, when she first ran away, and she does not appreciate this guy that can tell she's secretly in pain.

[mental-health-advice]

Hey, so I don’t know why but for some reason I have a hard time handling being ignored. Like I go through cycles where people not paying attention to me makes me wonder if I really exist. I don’t know why it just happens. Like it makes feel almost like a ghost witnessing everything but unable to make any contribution that anyone would notice. Do you know if I can do anything about it and what it could mean?

Hey there,

To be honest, I do not think it’s easy for anyone to be constantly ignored by others, so I can sympathise greatly with you as I am sure many others can as well!

You mentioned that when you are being ignored you feel like a ghost witnessing everything that is happening around you. To me (and this is only what I think given with what you have mentioned in your Ask) it sounds as though when you are ignored by others you go into a slight dissociation where you cannot fully connect to those around you and your current surroundings – almost as if you physically are a ghost watching life go on around you and like you are invisible to all and don’t exist even though in reality you do exist very much.

So, where to from here.

Well, maybe taking things back to basics a bit may be helpful? So for example, trying your best (and it probably will take time and won’t be easy at first) to really connect to what is happening around you. So what can you see, hear, feel or smell. After you are able to do this then maybe begin to try to practice talking to others. It may sound silly or stupid but stand in front of a mirror and practice having a conversation with yourself. Think of things you can talk about, questions you may ask people to initiate a conversation and also try to think about what qualities you have inside of you and consequently which ones you can share with other people, like if you are a kind and caring person then being able to be there for others (as much as you can within your own limits) and just listen to them and offer some support if you can. By doing this, hopefully you will be able to better believe in yourself and the good person you really are and then being able to use these things to be seen and contribute to others.

In regards to finding it really difficult when you are being ignored by others, try to remind yourself that there is nothing that you have done wrong to deserve being ignored. Sometimes people can just be really self-absorbed in their own lives that they are unable to really see other people even if they are right in front of them. Try to be kind to yourself and keep practicing the above things and know that despite how hard it is to be ignored, you can unfortunately cannot control others actions but you can control your actions and how you perceive things that happen in life. So this is when reminding yourself that when you are being ignored, chances are that it has nothing to do about you but rather what the other person/ people are going through at the time can come in handy!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren  

[edoro]

thinking a lot lately about the very fun experience of technically being able to work, but not consistently or enough to make a living

recently i took five days off from my (extremely easy, simple, online, wfh) job because i had hit the point of being burned out that thinking about it made me Literally Want To Kill Myself

i spent those days cleaning my house, playing video games, and writing original fiction that i’m going to try to sell, and also doing things like “crying into my salad while i washed the leaves” and “laying on the floor thinking What if I Was Dead Instead” because none of the stressors that made me get to that point were actually gone and in fact taking this time off of working was making a big one (the fact that i live on a very narrow margin of financial safety where i am usually just BARELY able to pay for everything i need) significantly worse

now i have to get back to it and i can already physically FEEL the stress returning, although thankfully the constant mental loop of “what if i just killed myself instead” is mostly gone and i just feel kind of shitty about it

but this is a pattern for me, and it’s a deeply frustrating and demoralizing one. get a job, hope that this time this will be the job i am Able To Consistently Do And Live Off Of, and then from there a few things have tended to happen:

1) i’m actually really good at the job but doing it drives me insane because it hits all of my anxiety and trauma buttons and every working day involves psychologically torturing myself for several hours straight (anything involving phones)

2) i like the job but i suck at it and the knowledge that i suck at it drives me into a despair spiral that ends with me quitting before i get fired

3) i like the job and i’m okay to good at it, but either something external happens (car dying while working as a delivery driver, covid) to force me out of it OR i just hit my burnout point anyway because there is something deeply broken inside of my brain wrt my ability to function as a person in the type of society i currently live in

And Then I Don’t Have A Job Anymore. the longest i’ve managed to keep a job is not quite three years, and then covid happened and i had to choose between continuing to work in retail or keeping myself safe from getting the fucking plague. the specter of “having to go back to working around the general public, none of whom mask anymore, and also no one is really vaccinating anymore either” looms over me constantly.

every time this happens it makes me feel even more like a useless garbage person AND it makes it much harder to get another job, because my employment history is full of three to six month stays at jobs that most people would find incredibly simple and easy, and i have to try to find a way to explain that without saying “i’m insane and probably going to have a mental breakdown under the crushing weight of light clerical duties, but i prommy i’ll do a good job up until i hit that point”

and meanwhile while i AM working, i have absolutely no energy or motivation for anything else. i can’t keep my house clean. i can barely maintain my own hygiene. i can’t write. i can’t engage in any hobby that isn’t passively absorbing information through a screen. AND i can barely make enough money to live on with the number of hours i’m capable of working, so it doesn’t even feel particularly worth it.

anyway. idk. it just sucks. it’s really hard and i’m tired of living like this but the only solutions seem to be “win the lottery” or “stop being disabled” or maybe “find a sugar daddy.”

[allthingsfook]

Hi there - I'm wondering if I can get a ship please?

I am 5' 7", a little on the curvy side, long dark brown hair cut in a shag (I had it before Jake, so there). I have freckles everywhere and my eyes are green.

I love being out in nature - hiking, exploring, and just absorbing the stunning beauty of a variety of landscapes. At home, I'm typically curled on the couch though, learning about something that has caught my attention. My typical interests involve history and cultures. I'm a bookworm and usually can be found with either a book or laptop in my hands as I read constantly. I'm one of those people who can rattle off strange historical events. When I vacation, I love going to either national parks or cities for museums, parks, learning. I'm a plant mama and do garden when the time strikes. I love music. I can listen to anything from classical and opera to death core, and everything in between - with just a few exceptions. *cough, cough* pop *cough, cough*

I am a weirdo (meant lovingly) for long haired men who have confidence, but also are adventuresome. A man who is not limited by always having to look a certain way and can laugh at himself. I love to cook and bake with my partner - and cook huge for family and friends. Holidays would wipe the kitchen out for weeks!

I'm typically the quiet one in the group of friends, though my laugh can be mighty. I'm a bit shy, but can be counted on and have been know to be too loyal. I love quickly and deeply. I try to find joy in the little stuff always. I'm a family centered person, although most of my family right now happen to be found in friends as I live quite a distance from my family.

Thank you ahead of time! 😘

Howdy! You most definitely can get a ship!!! I’m sorry for not getting back to you promptly, but I hope that this ship will make it up to you and find you well!!!

Without further ado, I ship you with….

Sammy!

This was tough deciding between Jake or Sam, but my gut said Sam for various reasons. Let’s dive in!

First off, Sammy does not have a type! I think he’s in love with women as a whole and those who are more than what meets the eye grip him. I think Sam would swoon over your curves and emerald hue eyes.

One of the many things you and Sammy could enjoy together is basking in Mother Nature!!! He would always be game for getting out of the city to hike the hills and explore the country side. I can imagine Sam being extremely in touch and loving on those trips. Mostly because he is escaping from all the distractions of his career. He can bask in life’s beauty as well as yours! Sammy is definitely one to tell you that too! I can see the both of you spending the afternoon hiking in the hills with Rosie leading the way. You’d come to a break in the trees, leading out to a rock overlook. Extremely breathtaking. The both of you would stand in silence for a moment, until Sam breaks the silence and comments on how the view doesn’t compare to you. He’d then embrace you until Rosie barks with jealousy.

You’ll meet your match when it comes to diving into history and culture. I think we often forget how smart and inquisitive Sam is. He puts himself off as a goofball, which he is, but he’s much deeper than that. You’d be shocked by the knowledge he’d contribute to the conversation and fun facts he’d randomly blurt out of no where. Sammy is much like a sponge, always looking for an opportunity to learn and expand his mind. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes not 😂

The garden and house plants the both of you would care for would be both of your prides. Between the plants and Rosie, it’s like having kids!!!! It would make your morning to wake up to him hunched over dainty plants; pruning and carefully packing soil. He’d be so enveloped that he wouldn’t notice you standing in the doorway until you say good morning in a groggy voice. He’d startle and greet you with a warm hug and invite you to try some homegrown produce.

One statement that solidified the Sammy ship was your vast music taste with the exception for pop 😂 such a Sammy move. ALTHOUGH I think that’s a facade for him. I truly do think Sam loves select songs from every genre, it’s just a matter of finding one that resonates. Shockingly Sam might be the one that turns you on to a great pop song….. who knows!!!

And the mold you have created for your dream man, how well does Sam fit into that?

Long hair ✅

Confident and Adventurous ✅

A man that doesn’t take himself too seriously ✅

Someone who enjoys to cook/bake ✅

If you weren’t sold already, are you now? I mean no matter the style or length, Sam’s hair has always been beautiful, but I must say his current facial hair to hair length ratio is hitting different 🤌 Sam has such a secure outlook on himself. Not that he’s cocky… far from it, but he is so authentically himself and not ashamed of it. Building on that he’s always living! Sam is certainly a person who takes advantage of his time on earth and wants to leave nothing unwritten. How excited life would be with him 💕

As outgoing and theatrical Sam is, he certainly needs a little balance. No doubt you could be the source of that. Don’t get me wrong, I think you guys would compliment each other well. I think Sam sometimes might need a reminder to come home and take care of himself, and you may need a reminder to go on that impromptu trip you’ve always wanted to take.

Another key point that made me decide on Sam was the fact that you said you often love quickly and deeply. That screams Sam. He’s so sure of people and willing to find them a special part of his life. His love seems like a whirlwind experience. Though it might be chaos at times, it’s the most beautiful and pleasurable relationship you’d share.

I so hope you enjoyed the ship! As usual, pleaseee let me know what you thought and if it correlates to your lane (if you have one). I will also include a collage and song ship that reminds me of Sam!!!

[finniestoncrane]

hiii!!!! could i perhaps request a ficlet of a goth!fem!villian reader x capullo riddler in a hate fucking scenario lol

i also wanna say i really love and enjoy ur blog/writings, theyre very well written and i love how u try to be as inclusive as possible <3333

BTGG

Capullo!Riddler x Goth!Female!Reader, word count: 1.5k not me, a shitty half ass goth who hates this man just self-projecting all over this ;-; ty so much omg you're so sweet 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: teasing, sprinkle of misogyny, rough sex, pain

As a prefix to the story, here is the mood board that kept me going. I just really enjoy seeing this bastard get beat down, it's my kink.

Braced against the wall on either side of the room, you faced each other. Edward Nygma, or The Riddler, as you refused to call him, was seething. Teeth gritted, spit frothing behind them and spilling out onto his bleeding lip as he panted. You made a move towards him, and he brought his arms up in front of him, fists tense and ready to lash out.

“That’s enough! If you hit me again, I won’t be able to hold back this time. I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” You waited on the response, but he was silent, still. “Exactly. You’ll do nothing. Because you know deep down you can’t beat me.” You leaned back against the wall, thudding your body on the brick as you picked at your cape, looking at the tears on it. Your black, leather-look dress was already marred by scrapes and burns, and now this asshole had torn your cape. “You’ve ripped my cape, idiot.”

“I’m the idiot? I’m not the one crying over a cheap bit of fabric. I mean did you pull that out of your closet?”

You had. In fact, your entire outfit had come from your own clothes. You didn’t have the money to make yourself look good, to develop any kind of super villain persona yet. That was why you had turned to crime in the first place. So for now, you were wearing your own clothes, which meant you had developed a bit of a gothic persona. Dark, pale, buckles and harnesses. Tottering around in platform boots, buckles worn and scratched all the way up them. At least it didn’t matter when you ripped your tights, it suited the look. And you fit into Gotham’s aesthetic very well.

“So what if I did? It’s better than that sickly lime-green shit you’re constantly in.”

“Wow, so mean.” He was irritatingly sarcastic in everything he said. “You done?”

“You started it.”

He copied you in a mocking tone, sticking his tongue out when he was finished.

“Wow, really mature. I hope you know you’re paying for this.”

“Ok, I’ll give you the money now.” He reached into his pocket and tossed a few coins onto the floor in front of you. “That should more than cover it.”

“Edward, you really don’t want to cross me any more than you already have.”

“Why, because you’ll make me regret it?” He sneered at you, and you could feel the heat prickling on your skin at the rage you felt for him. He was so smug, so self-absorbed and self-assured. What you wouldn’t give to knock him down a peg.

“I think we both know there’s no way you could beat me in a fight.”

“I could, but I’m more gentlemanly than that.”

You let out a short, sharp laugh. Derogatory intentions behind it ignored by Edward, who faked a frown before glaring at you.

“I swear, I will have you and end you.”

“I wonder what the others would think of that?”

“They’d be so grateful, I imagine.”

“Hmm, I think you’re just worried I’m better than you, that I’m going to take your spot. What is it you bring to Gotham’s criminal underworld anyway?”

“What do I bring!? You know exactly what The Riddler brings! What do you bring!? I’ll tell you exactly what you bring. Stupid tits squeezed into a dress that’s too small for you. You’re literally only here because you’re nice to look at.”

Ignoring the way your heart skipped when he said you were ‘nice to look at’, you shot back at him.

“You’re lying, I have way more merit than you.”

“Mhm, that’s why we all talk about you then, make fun of you? Makes sense.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yeah. We do. Know what we call you?”

You didn’t have a name yet. Your crimes weren’t noticeable among the backdrop of constant ongoings in Gotham, so the media hadn’t settled on one yet, and it was embarrassing to give yourself one. You raised your eyebrows at Edward.

“You’re just the big titty goth girlfriend. That’s all you are to us. Some pathetic stereotype with tits attached.”

“I’m more than your stupid little fantasy, Ed.”

“Woah, woah, baby.” He raised his hands up, laughing to himself, staring you up and down with a smirk. “Who said you were my fantasy?”

A burst of malignant confidence spread through you, desperate to see the smug grin wiped from his pathetic face.

“Oh ok. So if I asked you to fuck me right now, you wouldn’t?”

“No, I would. But only to show you how easy you would be to take, baby.”

“Very confident for a man who just got his ass handed to him in a fight.”

“You literally wouldn’t come close to satisfying me. I’ve seen what you’re working with, and it’s not impressive.”

“Lotta talk, huh? I think you’re afraid of how much you’ll like it, baby.”

“Stop calling me baby.”

“Make me.”

You rushed him, crashing his body into the wall behind him with your arm under his throat, the other gripping onto the lapels of his shirt.

“Do it then! Show me how good you are, Ed. Don’t disappoint me though, or I’ll kill you when we’re finished, like some pathetic male bug who gets his head chewed off after mating.”

“Is this how you usually flirt?”

Your lips were on his before he could let out his snorting laughter, adrenaline pushing you into a situation you had never desired or even thought about outside of a nightmare. But there was something satisfying about the anger behind the kiss, passion obviously lingering dangerously close to anger a lot of the time, and with your teeth clashing together, biting down hard on his swollen and bloodied lip, it felt violent enough to satisfy the urge you felt to knock him around.

And Ed was kissing you back, just as hard as you kissed him. And his hands, which he had torn the gloves from with his teeth, were taking the opportunity to grab at every inch of you, squeezing hard as they found their way under your dress and over to your hips and ass. One of them found its way round to your front where he reached into your underwear, fingers pressing against and then into your folds. He was kissing your neck, and you could feel him grinning against you, letting out a growling laugh in delight at what he felt.

“You’re wet already you total slut. I knew you were into me.”

“I’m not into you,” you breathed against his touch, “this is residue arousal from punching you.”

He laughed again, gripping your hair close to the scalp, pulling your head back, licking up your neck before biting into the side of it, sucking at the skin and causing the skin to prickle under the pressure. When his teeth dug deeply, you pushed against him. Obviously not suspecting it, he fell backwards completely, landing with a cringe and growling up at you with his eyebrows furrowed.

You fell to the ground, landing on top of him, winding him slightly, but not enough to save yourself from his hands, his grasps, as he flung his arms around you, turning you onto your back and straddling you. With that same smug grin, he watched you writhe below him, one hand holding your wrists above your head as he undid the buttons and zip on his pants, the small patch of red hair you could see an indicator of his lack of underwear, which suited him, you mused. He noticed your eyes, bulging at the sight of him, the very base of his cock visible above the zip, the tempting glimpse causing you to bite your lip.

“Nervous?”

You looked into his eyes, trying to suppress the truth of your nerves. So you gave him his own signature smirks back. He grabbed your pants, a small tearing noise as he pulled at them hard.

“Don’t be. I might be kind enough to be gentle.” He unsheathed his cock fully, grasping it with his fist and pressing it to your entrance.

“Hurry up and fuck me then, Ed.”

He thrust into you, up to the hilt on his first attempt, a loud squeal emanating from you which only served to draw him further into you, clumsily shuffling against the floor as he scrabbled up, pumping his hips against you hard and fast.

“Ed…oh Ed?”

“What, you gonna tell me you love me?”

“No…I…mmm…I hate you.”

He held you closer as he rutted into you, the feeling of him inside of you dangerously addictive. You dug your finger nails into his back, the other hand running through his hair as he panted into your ear.

“God…I hate you…so much….hng…”

And you really hated him too, but you could get used to not hating this.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Durza

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Eragon. A series as wonderfully creative as it is wonderfully cheesy. Yes, the first book is horribly derivative of stuff like Star Wars, but Christopher Paolini threw in just enough spice to make it work, and overall the series does come into its own in later installments. One of his more interesting ideas was Shades, which were basically a sorcerer whose body was turned into a shell containing multiple evil spirits. Yes, it’s not wholly original, but it did give us the badass antagonist of the first book, the red haired, red eyed Durza. He even ultimately had a pretty tragic backstory, and inspired a truly cringeworthy poem that Eragon wrote to try and get some elfussy (elf pussy).

Now imagine taking that, draining everything interesting that I just mentioned, and turning that into a generic evil sidekick and you have Film!Durza, pictured above reading the original novel and wishing he got that badass final fight instead of whatever happened here.

Eragon is a bad movie. Sure it’s not the worst thing in the world—really, it’s just dreadfully dull—but it managed to miss the mark on adapting anything from the books without sucking the creativity and fun out of it. The Urgals probably have this the worst, going from hulking horned humanoids to just unwashed barbarian hordes, but Durza got hit pretty bad as well. Losing any sort of compelling characterization or explanation for his existence, what we’re left with is a shade itself: an empty husk filled with awful things.

Motivation/Goals: He’s the evil emperor Palpatine’s Sauron’s Galbatorix’s right-hand man following the death of Morzan, his previous right-hand man. To this end, he has to do evil right-hand man things like torture elf girls until they start getting way too into it (Arya looks like she’s about to bust it at any minute in the film) or steal the kills of other characters from the books because the filmmakers didn’t think through who they’d need in this series. There’s really not much too Durza, I’m afraid; he’s really a bland antagonist.

Performance: Look, Robert Carlyle is a cool guy. He was in Trainspotting, he was in Once Upon a Time, this man has a great resume! And I imagine when he turns that resume in for a new job he leaves this film off, because he does fuck all with his performance here. Oh, he’s certainly trying, that much is clear, but the dismal script and the fact they fucked anything interesting out of Durza really just hampers what should have been a deliciously hammy villain role. At least he’s having fun and clearly seems to get how bad the movie he’s in is.

Final Fate: He dies, sure, but in a way that is unbelievably lame compared to the book. We don’t get a cool moment where Arya and Saphira explode a giant gemstone to save Eragon’s ass and let him deal the killing blow, followed by him absorbing Durza’s tragic backstory; no, here we get a crappy CGI smoke monster battle. Cool. Great. This is so totally better. Kind of like how it’s so totally better that the Ra’zac were made into gross mummy ninjas Durza created who die halfway through the movie, ruining any chance of a sequel making sense (not that this film ever had a chance of getting a sequel with how dismal it is).

Final Thoughts & Score: Durza somehow manages to be one of the lamest villains ever despite getting a massive boost in competency from the books. Here, he’s way more badass, constantly having the heroes on the ropes, never really losing a fight, and even creating the Ra’zac out of bugs; in the books, the dude is an absolute jobber. The thing is, in the books he still gets more characterization that makes him an interesting character, while in the movie, the most he gets is progressively uglier as the film goes on. It’s just so incredibly insulting to just about everyone.

Still, Durza isn’t the absolute worst villain ever or anything. Much like the movie itself, he’s really just a bland, forgettable waste of good ideas and talent. I think that Carlyle is at least trying his best with what he’s given, even though what he was given is basically nothing, and Durza at least still looks pretty cool. It’s not really enough to save him or make me be more generous with the score or anything like that, but he’s not the bottom of the barrel. He is, however, about an inch from it.

The movie version gets a 2/10, while the book version deserves a nice 7/10. It really is bad when you give a character the role of killing the hugely important mentor figure, the one who is a badass former dragon rider and the secret daddy of the protagonist, and he still fucking sucks.