#i don’t claim to understand shit i’m just here to try and help make things a little better on this space rock while i’m around

[diluc33rpm]

What fundamentally matters to you?

[ladykailitha]

Staking My Claim Part 5

We are almost done just one more after this one! I thought about posting this on Tuesday to give the first chapter of the second book of Boy With a Bat some love.

But with this one literally two chapters away from being finished it didn't seem fair to postpone this one.

Here we have Nurse Jeff and sweet Eddie.

Pt 1| Pt 2|Pt 3| Pt 4|

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

***

Once they other three were gone Jeff turned to Steve and Eddie.

“Right the real reason I’m here is because I’m going to make you two don’t jump each other before Steve is well enough.”

Steve and Eddie looked at each other and blushed.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Jeff said, crossing his arms and leaning back on one foot.

“Eddie go get us some lunch and I’ll make sure Stevie here isn’t going to throw up again.”

Eddie nodded and grabbed his keys. He gave Steve a kiss on the cheek and dashed off, leaving Steve alone with Jeff.

Jeff turned on the light in the kitchen to better see Steve’s face. He held Steve’s chin and turned his head gently to the light and away from it.

“Your dilation is a little slow,” he said. “That’s not good.”

Steve nodded. “I’ve had concussions before. It feels a bit like that. The dizziness, the nausea, the pounding in my head.”

Jeff nodded. “I think I still have some anti-nausea medication and if I don’t, we can try some Pepto, okay?”

Steve nodded. “I wouldn’t have done anything,” he said softly.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“With Eddie,” he whispered. “Not before we got back to Hawkins, anyway.”

“Oh?”

Steve nodded again. “I’m bit too romantic for my own good. And having the chance I might ruin our first time with puking is the last thing I’d want.”

“First time?” Jeff asked over his shoulder as he went to the bathroom.

“I meant it when I licked him, he’s mine now.”

Jeff chuckled.

He came back out holding two bottles. “Looks like I have two kinds of anti-nausea meds. One is very heavy duty, so we’ll try the other one first. We don’t want to mix something heavier if the knock out drug is still in your system.”

Steve nodded.

“In fact,” Jeff muttered. “I should call my mom.”

He set the two bottles on the counter next to Steve and went to the phone.

After a brief conversation Jeff picked up the heavier medication. “She actually recommended the tougher meds to counter whatever was given to you. She even wants you to stop by on your way home so she can look you over.”

Steve blushed. “She doesn’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”

Jeff raised an eyebrow and Steve ducked his head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. My sister is a lot like you, you know.”

“Hmm?”

“She’s the oldest,” Jeff murmured, “so she was brought up that she had to take care of everyone else and couldn’t ask for help.”

“Oh.”

Jeff rubbed the top of his head. “Look, man. I get it, I really, really do. If your parents are as half the shit the rumor mill makes them out to be, you’ve been abandoned and neglected all your life. Somehow, someway you became the defacto older brother to the weirdest group of latchkey kids I’ve ever seen and you think you have to do everything for them because you didn’t get to have that. But thinking like that will only wear you down and out.”

“It’s hard,” Steve admitted. “They’ve been through so much.”

Jeff let out a sigh. “I get that too. You and those kids have been through some heavy ass shit. I also get that you think that because you’re the oldest you can’t tell them what you’re feeling because you don’t want to burden them.”

“You’re Robin and Nancy’s age,” Steve said quietly.

Jeff frowned, not quiet understanding the comment. Then it dawned on him. “Eddie isn’t.”

Steve’s head shot up. “What?”

“I know it’s hard to remember because he graduated with me and the other guys,” Jeff said. “But Eddie is older then you. He was supposed to graduate in ‘84.”

Steve blinked. “Oh. Yeah.”

“So lean on him,” Jeff said. “Yeah, you’re attracted to him. And you definitely want to fuck. But let him in emotionally, too. I think you’ll find he’s as a great a listener as he is a talker.”

Steve blushed.

Just then the door swung open to reveal Eddie with a large bag of McDonald’s.

“I didn’t know what you would like,” Eddie said with a grin, “so I got a little of everything I could think of.”

Steve smiled. “I’m sure I’ll find something I like then.”

They all dug in and polished off most the bag of fast food.

“Seriously,” Steve said, “why does greasy food always the best hangover cure?”

Eddie cocked his head to the side. “I don’t know. It defies all logic. You would think it would be stuff that was easy on your stomach like toast and rice would be better, but nope!”

Steve took Eddie’s hand. “Thanks for taking care of me. I appreciate it.”

Eddie blushed to his roots. “You don’t need to thank me. I just did what the next person would have done.”

Jeff snorted. “Bullshit. You went above and beyond and you know it. There is no shame in accepting his thanks. You did good, man.”

Eddie shoved his hair in front of his face to hide his embarrassment. “You’re welcome, Stevie.”

“I think you should go lay back down,” Jeff suggested to Steve. “We’ll be here if you need us.”

Steve nodded and wandered back to Eddie’s room. He closed the door and laid down, sure that he wouldn’t sleep as he had already slept a lot. But it appeared he needed it more than he thought as he drifted back to dreamland.

***

Part 6

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @vecnuthy @bookbinderbitch @littlewildflowerkitten @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @scheodingers-muppet @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @genderless-spoon @anne-bennett-cosplayer @irregular-child @lololol-1234 @monsterloverforhire @mugloversonly @live-the-fangirl-life @hellfireone @lublix @breealtair @croatoan-like-its-hot @f0xxyb0xxes @jamieweasley13 @r0binscript @confuseddisastertm @sleepdeprivedflower @thedragonsaunt @dissociatingdemon @dragonmama76

[leviathans-watching]

Something I find funny that I've noticed

When you set Belphegor as your homepage demon, when you interact w/ him like a surprise guest he says "you're free, right? I know you are. Come shopping with me" before you can interact with him.

Belphegor likes shopping apparently? Honestly thought he'd ask the player to nap with him or something.

So now it's going me thinking

What if whenever all three of them are free, Belphegor, Asmo, and the player go shopping together?

I think that'd be funny/fun lol.

shopping with asmo & belphie

includes: asmo, belphie x/& gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)

wc: .4k | rated t | m.list

a/n: hehe this was so cute!! thanks for requesting! my inbox is open to chat, req, or leave feedback, so come say hi!!

reblog this pls XD

“no! asmo, put that down! i’m sick of trying on clothes,” you insist, giving him a glare. you’re exhausted and sweaty, and the thought of trying even one more thing on sends rage through your body.

asmo pouts, but seems to recognize how close you are to losing your shit and puts the shirt back. belphie, next to him, chuckles.

“don’t you start,” you warn waspishly. you need like, a gallon of water. “i’m only here because you dragged me, so i don’t even understand why you guys are trying to get me to buy stuff. i thought this was about getting belphie new clothes.”

“we just want you to look and feel cute,” asmo simpers, and you roll your eyes.

“i can do that perfectly fine in the clothes i already own. now, belphie, if you don’t get me to a food court in the next fifteen minutes, i’m going to lose it.”

“you sound like beel,” belphie mutters, and you eye a lady who rudely shoves past you, not even bothering to say ‘excuse me’ and with you could tear out her soul and devour it.

“oh, you have no idea.”

this sends them both into another round of chuckles, and you put your face in your hands, slowly counting to ten.

“hey, i think we broke mc,” asmo stage-whispers after a long moment, and belphie snickers.

“belphie,” you say from between your fingers, not looking up lest you fly into a blind rage and attempt to rip that smirk off of his face, “take that armful of clothes and go into a fitting room. only come out on three of them for me to look at. got it?”

belphie sighs. “you’re no fun.”

“i’m hangry!”

“fine, fine,” he says, and you stand, following him toward the fitting room.

“make sure to take lots of pictures!” asmo calls at his back, and you pinch him.

“what?” he yelps.

“do not make him take any longer than nessescary.”

he grins, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “awww, mc, you’re so cute when you’re mad.”

“you won’t think i’m so cute when i kill you and make belphie help me leave you in the dumpster,” you respond.

“i’d be down with that!” belphie calls from the stall, and asmo gasps. “after that, mc, we can get sushi.”

“sounds like a plan,” you say, some of your irritation dissipating. you lean into asmo, just slightly, and wait for belphie to exit the fitting room.

leviathans-watching's work - please do not copy, repost, or claim as your own

[nightcolorz]

here for the armand writing tips 🙏🏽

I love u sm anon ur so iconic for this bless u 🙌🙌 I love that u saw me publicly slut shaming @butchybats + extending an invite for him to hmu so that I can info dump about armand and u were like omg I can not pass up this opportunity. Ur so real and this made my day. My bad if this is unhelpful or incoherent lmaoo I am just raw dogging this educational experience. For me writing armand has always come very naturally so this is the first time I’m thinking about this in a way I could explain to other ppl. I hope u get smth out of whatever tangent I’m about to embark on and I sincerely thank u bcus I love this and I love talking about army u r indulging tf out of me in the absolute best way. Also quick disclaimer I am going off of book armand, so tho this may be helpful to show fans (esp cuz show armand doesn’t rlly have an established personality yet) it may not specifically apply. Anyways

I understand why Armand would feel like a difficult character to write bcus part of his whole deal is that he is very strange and unknowable. No one knows what Armand’s deal is, nor does he, so how r u as the writer meant to figure that shit out. He is like a void of a person basically (affectionate). He is barely capable of conscious self reflection, most characters don’t rlly know what to make of him and those that claim to r often wrong. So I get it, feels intimidating. But for me breaking down Armand to his essentials puts it into perspective a bit. 

Armand doesn’t really know how to be a person, he is only a Thing when other people are there to give him something to work off of. So he’s a different character depending on who he is interacting with. Armand with Daniel is very different then Armand with Louis, Armand with Lestat is a whole different beast, etc. He is always playing a sort of role, with Daniel he is the boss slash master vampire commanding the mortal. With Louis he is an ancient with the answers Louis has been looking for. But the performance is often cracked, unveiled whether intentionally or not, especially by those Armand loves, so what is beneath that? Well. Kind of a child. Think of a kid in their dad’s shoes. Now imagine the kid is putting on a very deep voice and standing up all straight and professional. Then he trips, and suddenly he starts crying and screaming and yelling for mommy cuz he hurt his knee. That’s Armand, when u get down to it. Like a scary man in a suit who is secretly a little boy on stilts. But wait! There’s more.

Armand is not only an actor, he is also not a very good actor. He’s like those myths about faes replacing human children, very uncanny valley, not rlly a person. So in any given situation, armand is going to be just a little bit off. Just a little odd, a tad wrong. Think of a scenario (it can be sexual you awful heathen, or it could be like, guy is in the grocery store. Or smth) now think of something that would be a little off putting and strange to do in this situation. Chances r this would be in character for armand. I always think of him as something who doesn’t know what it means to be a person, yet is always trying to learn and understand and to pretend, but never really succeeds.

Armand also has conflicting facets of his identity that come into play in different ways and inform how he interacts with different characters. Amadeo is the beginnings of the person that was never able to completely form and grow. So Amadeo is like the normal bits of Armand, the human teenager who’s playful and funny and empathetic, a bit rude, kind of weird but he means well, likes technology. Gives Lestat a light punch on the shoulder when he ruffles his hair, etc. Amadeo rarely plays into sex for Armand, sex is very clinical for him—he approaches sex like an alien. But Amadeo is still there and when Armand is happy or care free some of the unsettlingly oddness goes away, and he seems sort of like a mortal teenager for a moment. The innocence and the moments of childishness are when Armand is most sincere. Though this is fleeting, and he often behaves cold and distant and inhuman. What I like to remember when I write Armand is that he is not unfeeling, tho he pretends to be. He acts unfeeling but it’s a mask, beneath the mask his unfiltered self is extremely feeling and emotional and sensitive. He’s as much of a cry baby as Lestat, he’s just better at hiding it. 

Andrei is also there, but he is much subtler, and he’s more so the embodied longing in armand that never really goes away. There is a need for answers and for knowledge and for guidance in armand always, and that’s Andrei, searching for his God or his family or his home or his culture, that were taken from him and never adequately replaced. Armand clings to purposes and things and people because he never learned how to fill that void left by the loss Andrei experienced, and then again Amadeo experienced due to Marius and the cult. He is the culmination of so many years of a child’s growth being repeatedly stunted by adults with selfish purposes, a child who keeps getting beaten down or molded into smth different by ppl who want to make him into smth new, until he ends up a creature without a concept of who he is at all. So he’s fractured almost, not rlly with a consistent identity since he was never permitted to grow one. Just a culmination of a bunch of identities he took on throughout the years. Im sure this sounds complicated, but the great thing about being a writer with a character like this is he may be a void, but he is also a canvas. Armand is so multifaceted that u could do sm with him and it wouldn’t be ooc

So in simpler terms, a good rule of thumb when writing armand, is to think of him as a guy who is a ball of extreme feeling and pain and joy and emotion that is being masked by a cold demeanor, that is often slightly off, a little wrong, cuz it’s first untrue. He is always trying to find a purpose to fill the void that he is, and he never rlly does for very long. 

So when it comes to portraying this? Lol uhhhh. There are some many layers of armand that exist and it’s up to you to decide which ones u want to portray in ur scenario. Say for example, ur writing a fic where armand and Lestat argue. You have to evaluate Lestat’s affect on armand, his closeness with him, the context, etc, and decide what parts of armand would slip out. If I was writing a fic like this I would think ok. So Lestat is like a trigger button for armand, they hate each other but they love each other, is a lot of big emotions and passion, and Lestat also reminds armand of the most vulnerable parts of himself that he is trying to keep under wraps. So Lestat and armand arguing? Likely armand is going to be cold and distant, but not for long, bcus quickly Lestat will get under his skin and cause him to revert to unmasked emotion ball screaming crying. How about, uh, Daniel and armand go on a fluffy date devils minion era. I’d write armand as odd, strange even, curious and excited but sort of cold and distant in a confusing way. Little slips of sincere childlike joy and emotion come out but they r brief. 

I hope this is making sense lmao.

It’s much easier when writing armand, esp if it’s smth ur not confident in, to write from someone else’s pov. Armand’s pov is a tough one, even for me. It’s not that his language or sentences r strange, it’s just that the way he thinks of the world and himself is so specific and unique that u gotta think a lot to replicate it. 

Armand, especially pre TVA, is nearly incapable of self reflection. He is so dissociated from his own experiences he sees his memories and life in fragments rather then events leading into each other that inform a larger context and “theme”. For example, in devils minion he explains to Daniel that he couldn’t explain what a time of his life “was like” because he can’t conceptualize concepts like that, tho he could tell Daniel if it rained on a specific date, cuz that is smth concrete to him. he just couldn’t identify what smth is like bcus he doesn’t reflect on his emotions and his experiences in a way that would allow him to make a judgement like that. 

He just goes through life and doesn’t look back. This is a hard pov to write from cuz these r basic capabilities a first person narrator must have for a story to make sense lmfao! Armand couldn’t say, “the day was a bad one bcus this happened and I was sad.” Especially not “this experience affected me this way and now I this this and this.” However, if u want to write from Armand’s pov u can integrate these ideas into it while retaining this part of Armand’s character. 

Tho armand can not self reflect, and his way of thinking and experiencing is a very bare bones simplistic way (think of armand saying “my soul hurt” in TVA narration then not explaining lmfao, that’s the extent of his self awareness and abilities to identify his emotions) u can convey complex ideas  through his simplistic approach. Through context clues, symbolism (armand loves symbolism), and word choice + description, it’s cool and possible to convey armand having a moment etc without using ur first person tools to have him self reflect. For example, if I were to write from Armand’s pov were he is having like, a traumatic flashback, instead of writing “the moment forced me to remember insert traumatic time here and my heart raced as it came back to me suddenly, and I felt like I was back there” or whatever, I’d write “flashes of red appaeared b4 my vision like many stabbing knives, and it felt as if I was engulfed in an ocean of red suddenly, unable to escape the waves, the blood, those voices of many pasts” whatever yada yada. Cuz red armand considers synopsis with pain and trauma (he tends to see it b4 his eyes when he’s in pain synesthesia king) ocean reminds him of dying of starvation in the brothel as a kid (he described it as the only thing he payed attention to as he died, the lapping sounds of the water). Past, etc. bad example I hope u get it 😭

U just gotta rlly think for armand pov lol. So if ur nervy about writing armand anyway I recommend starting or practicing with writing from someone else’s perspective about him. Daniel is a very good character to do this with, bcus his perception of armand is relatively accurate and he is a very bluntly descriptive and self reflective character who understands himself and others very well. Lestat is also very self reflective and his perception of armand is pretty easy to write imo lol. If u just write some shit like “armand was beautifully broken, like a discarded doll in an antique shop, and I wished sadly that he’d allow me to repair him.” Then you’ve got it down pretty well lmfao.

When it comes to more specific less big picture stuff, like how to write armand talking or what does armand fuck like Ryan save me from this hell, I recommend reading his scenes a Shit Ton until it’s rlly burned into ur brain like me. I don’t know if I can adequately explain how armand talks, it’s very blunt—he’s very blunt but simultaneously very flowery. Remember he is a guy who is trying to be distant, and doesn’t rlly understand how being normal works, but he also has a vibrant inner life and a shit ton of emotion waiting to boil over beneath the surface. Yah. Lmfao. 

I’m sorry this was so weird and confusing, I hope it was interesting or helpful lol. I’m so tired lmfao.sorry it turned in to meta 😭 It was hard trying to come up with advice for a prompt so non specific but I had a hella great time and ily for this anon. If anyone wants to ask me more specific questions about writing armand I would be so happy. Xoxoxo love y’all sm loool 

[ovaruling]

You made a post earlier about how you are feeding stray cats. Since it seems like you're very concerned about the environment I wonder why you are doing this. Aren't stray/outdoor cats horrible for the environment? Mostly because they kill animals that are actually important for nature like birds and rodents. Not trying to be rude just wondering why you think feeding them is a good idea, because it's basically helping a population that has no place in nature and does nothing but harm.

look, i’m not without my weaknesses—i can’t look at a starving stray cat and not feed it. maybe others can, but i can’t. i never claimed to be a paragon.

however, i must clarify something and also point out that i think im doing my part more than your average stray-feeder—i spend 1-2 hours each day trying to trap the cats. every day, from 4-5pm and sometimes later. i drop what im doing to spend time on it.

i have a folding chair to sit on and stake them out, a new implement of a bathroom mirror from a construction site that i set up next to the feeding station (to see the cats without startling them), and a large dog crate in which i put the food.

i recently caught 2 of the said stray cats last week and had them fixed and they will no longer be contributing to the environmental decline, nor will they ever produce litters. i’m working on a third.

i feed on my own property and i have caught and fixed and thus removed from the environment approximately 20 or more cats since i was like, i can’t remember—10, 11, 12. somewhere around there—i was in some degree of childhood when i started. i still use the same large dog crates i had back then to catch them. it takes weeks, sometimes months. sometimes a year or more in the case of my toughest one, an aggressive feral male who was causing issues in the neighborhood and who is now my housecat and best friend and wreaks no more havoc. i didn’t give up on him and it ended up being for the better bc no one else was going to give enough of a shit to spend the time it was going to take to catch him. (i’ve said this before but, i had to go on 3 rounds of antibiotics bc he kept biting me horribly every time i tried to catch him)

all this to say: my success in catching stray cats is owed largely to my patience and my willingness to spend hours gaining their trust by feeding them and having them associate my presence with food and fresh water.

so i know it’s not without criticism to feed them, but i do put in hours and hours each week feeding these strays specifically to try to catch them—and i often succeed. (edit: i don’t always. there are a few cats i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to catch, but i won’t stop trying.)

this is what ive been doing my whole life and i will continue to try to make an impact on my local environment in this unique way. i don’t expect others to understand my methods and the specific way that i do things (it’s different for each cat depending on how i assess their personality and needs and habits etc etc), but the fact that i’ve removed 20 or more strays from my neighborhood over the last decade or so is an impact that matters, i think.

especially since i pay out of my own pocket to take them to the vet, to fix them, vaccinate them, and treat them for any and all ailments, and i also have housed them myself or rehomed them. it’s a huge drain on my resources but it’s one i am happy to do for the rest of my life. not least bc no one else in my area is bothering to do anything about them.

so—take that for what you will. that’s my contribution and it’s not perfect but i think i do a good job at reducing the number of stray cats in my local ecosystem and i have to conclude that because of that i MUST have reduced a lot of the environmental destruction that they would’ve otherwise done. much better than anyone else who lives around here, that’s for sure.

tl;dr—i am basically doing the job my local animal care & control is supposed to be doing about stray cats, for free, by myself, at my own expense and on my own time—and i 100% cannot do that job without feeding them

edit: i didn’t mean for this to sound as defensive and doth protesting as it did—i realize i’ve never quite explained exactly What it is i do with regard to stray and feral cats, and of course i can’t expect others to read my mind or know my life and motivations just from scattered posts i make lol. i hope i answered your question somewhat, and im happy to answer any more that you have.

[therainscene]

I’ve seen parallels between Virginia Creel and Lonnie pointed out a bunch of times, but have we considered a parallel between Virginia and Joyce?

Both mothers brought their sons to doctors at the Hawkins lab in an attempt to “fix” them:

Don’t worry, I’m not trying to imply anything sinister about Joyce here! She genuinely meant well -- Will was suffering and Owens was her only option. But the end result was much the same: both boys were reduced to test subjects, and ultimately did not benefit from their time at the lab.

It’s all very reminiscent of old-fashioned attitudes about homosexuality as a mental disorder in need of “fixing”. I’m sure many of the doctors and parents involved in such oppressive practices “meant well” at the time, too.

This is one of the more insidious forms that homophobia can take: not as something overtly hateful, but disguised as concern. It’s an excellent recruitment tactic for bigots: fence-sitters who don’t understand the issue but don’t feel hateful either are introduced to hate in terms that come across as reasonable and kind.

Recruitment into larger, harmful movements is a major theme in Stranger Things. Will’s possession in S2 hooked him up to the Upside Down’s hive mind; the Flayed in S3 conglomerated to form the fleshy Spider Monster; and Chrissy’s murder in S4 incited a Satanic Panic witch-hunt.

The Mind Flayer itself reflects this theme, too, being a single entity made up of what appears to be millions of tiny particles. This symbolizes the power of societal attitudes like homophobia: they’re eldritch horrors in their own right, shambling emergent properties greater than the sum of the individual brains constituting them. They can’t be reasoned with or defeated by any one person.

Being a supportive parent to an LGBT kid in the 80s (or 50s) must have been incredibly difficult in the face of such a specter; the only information they typically had access to was, itself, homophobic.

The mothers of the various queer-coded children in the show -- Virginia, Karen, and Joyce -- are excellent illustrations of how parents deal with this struggle across the spectrum, and the effect it has on their kids.

Virginia embraced the 50s hive mind and unquestioningly trusted the advice she was given by Brenner and society: that her son was broken and in need of fixing. Henry claims that she despised him, but I think he’s an unreliable narrator; it wouldn’t surprise me if Virginia genuinely wanted the best for her son. She was just concerned.

Not only did her approach completely fail to make Henry “normal”, it also made him angry. He cut her out of his life forever -- a tragically common ending to the relationships between queer children and their parents.

Karen desperately wants to be a good mother, but she trusts the 80s hive mind more than she trusts her children. She frequently assures Mike that she’s there for him if he needs to talk... but her words ring hollow, as though the person she’s really reassuring is herself.

Mike approaches her for hugs when he needs comfort, but he never opens up. I don’t think he trusts her, and I can’t say I blame him -- it’s a coin toss as to whether she’d listen and understand, or dismiss his feelings in favour of pressuring him to join the hive mind.

Mike has been left adrift with his confusion in the sea of heteronormativity and he’s at a loss as to whom he can turn for help.

Joyce ignores the 80s hive mind altogether and trusts her son to tell her what help he feels he needs from her. Will doesn’t always know the answers to those questions...

...but she actively listens and makes an effort to help him figure it out. As we saw with the Hawkins lab plot, she makes mistakes sometimes, but she’s also unwavering in her advocacy -- she took precisely zero shit from the doctors there.

Will still struggles with internalized homophobia, but he’s got the support he needs to deal with it. His line at the end of S4 -- “it’s strange, knowing now who it really was this whole time” -- warms my heart, because this is him acknowledging that the problem is with homophobic attitudes, not his identity. He’s gonna be okay.

Incidentally, this is another nail in the coffin for the idea that Will’s character arc is about being accepted: Joyce (and Jonathan) are already operating at peak acceptance! There’s nowhere else to go!

If anyone is in need of acceptance... it’s Mike.

[delicatelystrangepolice]

I said it before and I’m saying it now: Young Royals fandom only claims to be SO POSITIVE AND LOVING when in fact it’s one of the most toxic fandoms that I’ve ever been in

It’s very unwelcoming when it comes to the critique and different opinions

I understand the mechanism of feeling protective over the things you love. I also know that every fandom (every community in fact) is made out of individuals and it should be transgressive, and changing as it goes. The excuse ‘yeah, people on the internet are like this, there will always be individuals who are toxic’ just doesn’t work for me. No, individuals make communities and those communities can only work and grow when there’s enough space for all sorts of different behaviors and opinions. You would think that Young Royals fans would be understanding of that – always so eager to scream about social injustice. (I guess Lisa’s message that you can’t change anything ever was effective in the end. Congratulations.)

Last year there was a lot of lamenting: I can’t believe it’s going to be over after s3, what’s going to happen to the loveliest fandom then??? And then every time anybody tried to say anything other than widely accepted headcanon people raised and screamed: oh, don’t spread the negativity! Always in an exaggerated tone: I’M SO TIRED OF THE NEGATIVITY CAN’T WE JUST PLEASE LOVE EACH OTHER?? No, we can’t.  We can’t and stop silencing people because you are killing this fandom.

People are leaving (and left before) not because the show ended, not even because the third season was a fucking disaster, but because they feel like they can’t say anything other than lovey-dovey gushy mushy bullshit.

I understand that the critique is more accepted when it’s beautifully written and coherent

Tumblr however is also a blogging platform where people process things individualistically.  You don’t have to follow people who don’t share your opinions. Hell, you can even block them. You shouldn’t however go into their blog and write them mean anons because they dared to say something on their blog. (Yes, even if it was in your beloved tag or you saw that accidentally. Learn to fucking scroll past things) Your input that you think this particular person’s opinion is stupid and should be taken down does NOTHING to spread your beloved positivity. It only makes people shut down and you know what that is going to result in? A bland, weak fandom made out of people in an echo chamber.

Communities can grow because of the negativity

Even if the show ended, there will be people in the future who will watch it and love it and maybe love it enough to want to go on Tumblr and seek others to share the love. Among those people, there will be also the ones who won’t love every single thing about the show and they will seek others to share some disappointments too. If you want this community to stay alive and growing, there must be space for some fucking negativity.

Fandoms are often about finding your niche. This fandom, this fake fucking positivity almost killed the enjoyment of the show for me. I was lucky enough to find my niche but imagine if the people I found left before I got there. Maybe you’d be happy that I’m not here, spilling some hard to accept truths. Maybe you like your fandoms to be small and cliquey. I don’t. I found my niche because I wasn’t afraid to speak about my negative experiences.

Another helpful tip to some people here: don’t make personal claims when you are trying to argue with somebody

I’ve seen enough of ‘you must be (something negative or personal) to think this’:  ‘you must be too young to understand’ ‘you must be racist’ Hell, on one horrible occasion I’ve seen ‘you must have been abused to have this take’ HOLY SHIT. You on the other hand must not be as welcoming and accepting as you claim to be to say something like this to a person who was just writing about a fucking tv show.

I think it’s very ironic that people celebrate the ending of the show: yeah, you should leave the toxic environment if it’s hurting you and then in the fandom people are leaving because they are being attacked.

Yeah, I’m talking about a small group of people who do it. They are very noticeable and the community is accepting of them. If you think I’m talking about you then great, I’m happy you’ve read it to the end. My ask box is open, but don’t think you’ll change my mind if you try to tell me things about me. I know how to delete things. I know how to ignore things. I hope you can too, and maybe you can also take a little critique from someone who’s been in many fandoms before and never felt as unwelcomed and as uncomfortable as I felt in Young Royals fandom.

[anti-endo-haven]

sorry vent incoming. tw sexualization general mental breakdown bullshit

i cant handle embarrassment literally at fucking all. i can normally speak japanese but when i front i cant because body doesnt and has never learend. google translate makes me look like a racist stupid fuck all ignorant piece of shit by translating into mandarin even when i specifically ask for japanese - because i know its disjointed i know it sounds stiff i know it sounds robotic i just need to feel SOME kind of familiarity but no. no i get to look like a fucking moron.

i'm so tired too of people um actuallying me as well like i get it i get it i get it I FUCKING GET IT I GET IT I NEED TO SOURCE SEPARATE I NEED TO BE AWARE OF THE FACT I'M A FICTIVE I NEED TO BE ACUTELY AWARE OF THE BODY'S LIMITATIONS AND I SHOULDN'T TRY TO EXPAND INTO WHAT I CAN USUALLY DO LIKE SPEAK DIDFERENT LANGUAGES. AND I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO SOURCE ME BECAUSE THAT'S NOT ME I'M SO SO SO SO SICK OF HEARING IT CAN'T I JUST GET ONE MINUTE OF FUCKING PEACE

once i vented to tales of sysblr about how MUCH how COPIOUS how OFTEN AND VAST AND NAUSEATINGLY COMMON SEEING MYSELF MY FACE SOMEONE THAT LOOKS EERILY SIMILAR TO ME BEING SEXUALIZED AND FETISHIZED TO HELL AND BACK, AND SOMEONE IN THE REPLIES HAD THE GALL TO TELL ME IT WAS MY FAULT FOR NOT BEING READY TO SEPARATE. MY HOSTS FAULT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO PREVENT SEEING IT EVEN THOUGH IT IS LITERALLY GODDAMN INESCAPABLE

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING A FICTIVE I WANT TO DISSOLVE.

-🌴🦔💍 idc if someone claims this it's a one time thing

You don’t have to source separate if you’re not ready to. There’s some things that look similar to us at times and we get through it and something happens and we just can’t, or we know what it’s like to go through that and we can’t continue watching it but we must because we want to finish it.

There’s no harm in learning a language either. As long as you can learn everything else, I don’t see any harm in it.

It’s not your fault for not being able to source separate, some alters can’t (majority of us can’t). You really can’t escape seeing some things either so the person that said that is wrong.

You don’t deserve to be sexualized and treated that way, and it isn’t your fault that people don’t understand boundaries.

I’m sorry that I can’t help much, but we’re here for you.

[redsparko]

I’ve come back for another Rina Kent thoughtly rant. Now disclaimer, when I make these rants, it’s not me shitting on Rina Kent. I ate up all 34 of the books in a MONTH. Do you understand how many books a day I had to read? I don’t but all I know is that they FED me in a time that I needed to feast.

But as a fellow writer and one who identifies with this area of writing and reading, I must pull through and in the hopes that the continuous talking and revelation about these things will help improve the writing in dark romance.

This rant is not just about Rina Kent, but can be applied to every other dark romance book or romance in general (considering that they’re all pretty similar).

We’re going to be talking about. Female relationships. Rina Kent being the butt end of this rant, sorry to y’all. I haven’t read much romance books or any other dark romance books so I have nothing else to recall from besides the Twisted and Kings of Sin series by Ana Huang but those aren’t exactly dark romance. But can be used in this rant. It’s just that I have better examples with explanations from RK’s books because I’m more obsessed with them.

Okay so, beginning. The female relationships in RK’s books are super shallow. Especially in comparison to the male friendships. Like, look at Cole and Aiden from the RES. They’ve got the parallels sort of dynamics. Cole is a borderline sociopath/psychopath just as Aiden is except he’s more secretive about it and Aiden is the literal embodiment of being an asshole on the outside. They have a compelling hate relationship and yet maintain a friendship (begrudgingly). Like, hell, they’ve got interactions that show off their dynamics that even go up decades when their kids are full grown (EliAva).

While the female relationships there is nothing to be really said. Like, Elsa and Kimberly. Yeah, they’re friends. Yeah, they be there for each other. Yeah. That’s it. Literally. That’s it. Maybe it’s just me and the need to always have chaos and shit but like. This is a story, isn’t having chaos bringing in more depth to the story? Making it more interesting? Problems in things make the things MORE COMPELLING.

Silver and Elsa’s whole shtick was so so good, but portrayed terribly juvenile. It’s not the worst thing so don’t come jumping to rip off my dick but I’m saying they had a lot of potential to be better friends than Kimberly, and Elsa cause. Imagine your enemy, not enemy, but someone who makes life hard for you, and you see them for their humanness and what they truly are. You guys may hate each other or despise each other but you see them less as someone to hate and more as someone to understand. Perhaps through this understanding you can find friendship.

Teal and Silver’s whole thing was interesting to. That I can justify and say that was done right to its best ability. Like, Silver and Teal using each other’s love interests for their own purposes? Sign me up, use me too.

Either way, Kimberly and Elsa are dry, maybe that’s all they are. Idk, perhaps to add more depth to their friendship we could have Kimberly being jealous and admiring Elsa for her boldness early on, and then acting differently to try and imitate her later on when she rid of her fat but not her insecurity. While we have Elsa out here, worrying for Kimberly, pointing out all the things she’s doing not as bold but as dangerous and toxic to herself and those she could possibly get in danger. Then Kimberly could claim Elsa is jealous etc etc, make the situation ugly and complicated. It won’t kill you but when the girls resolve it, trust me, their friendship and bond is stronger.

And if I hear people coming to me and being like “tHiS iS a RoMANCe GenRE nOT a SlIcE of LiFe or FrIENDshIp GenRe” THEN TELL ME WHY THE MALE RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING. WHY HAVE ROOM FOR THAT BUT NOT THE GIRLS?????

Cecily and Ava are fine, I can eat that. There’s underlying problems there waiting to wake up I just need them to be done well.

Ava and Annika’s issues were *chefs kiss* delicious. Ava threatening Annika because of Creighton. Ava blatantly showing her bias and side, basically saying she would choose Creighton over Annika if it ever came to. I loved that. I loved it so much I ATE IT. But I just wish we got to see more of it, the after effects of it. I don’t remember if they ever did but I wanted to see and read about the apology, and the sentiments of Ava to Annika and Annika to Ava. Would it be so hard? If we got to see Ava explaining her side to Annika and yet apologizing because it was brash and stupid to throw away her friendship because Creighton was also in the wrong for doing that to Annika? Yet Annika also being sorry and understanding of why Ava cares so much.

I’m saying it rn Book of Pain is my least favorite of the five. Another rant coming on that next time. Stay tuned.

Then there’s the giant ass glaring hole that is Glyndon King. Miss Girl never talks to her friends in her book. The Foursome was a lie, it’s a threesome considering the fact she’s NEVER THERE. Like I know these books are romance based but JESUS, can we also have some more complicated and depth into the other aspects of a dark romance based story? Would it not make the romance more delicious?

I know she’s introverted but at this point like… girl being introverted is your only personality trait. Which makes me so sad because GOM was one of my favorites and Glyndon is one of my favorites.

Mia and Maya had a good relationship, I say, the only thing to improve was the portrayal of it. I like their deep rooted and twin connection. Maya is a bitch but she’s Mia’s bitch. She’s family so Mia loves her because of it, despite all of Maya’s glaring flaws. Then it all falls apart when Mia finds out the secret. Isn’t that delicious? I mean a confusing betrayal sure. Like I don’t get why Mia was mad at Maya for being the cause of her trauma and muteness, I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense for her to want to find out why too? Mia is less emotional more methodical but still emotional especially when it comes to Landon but we can use that explanation for the other girls too which will come up in a rant about poor writing of characters.

Back to Mia and Maya, their relationship is good. It’s got the ups and downs and if only we got to see the downs through it but eh, I’ll take what I can get.

[enhaheeseung]

So basically ppl were trying to sexualize riki, and someone found this message: https://www.tumblr.com/jwonsite/738013651737444352/for-the-riki-smut-writers

then if u look through the comments ppl were saying that it applies to all the members but idk much, just checking to see Ur opinion on it.

Hmm interesting I mean idk I guess to each his own I personally would never write anything for niki or even feel comfortable thinking of him like that but that’s just me plus I’m only attracted to heeseung so there’s that even the older members I’d never write smut for

As far as smut writing goes for the rest of the members I can say there is an extent that I’m willing to go and I know this is gonna sound hypercritical as a smut writer myself but I’ve seen things that just aren’t my cup of tea and I feel certain things could just be left unsaid especially assumptions about how the members are in real life it’s one thing to write fiction but to actually come up and state that (whatever’s being talked about at the time) is real that’s when I draw the line

Also this may sound dumb but I feel like most smut is just tasteless like there’s just no actual substance to what’s happening it’s just boom bang bam smut end and i feel those writers probably shouldn’t write it but this is all personal and I’m not claiming im a better writer in any way

Anyways to answer your question tho I’m 50/50 I do get why people don’t want the members being sexualized (even I feel that way sometimes when it’s just tacky) and I get that others just realize it’s fiction and entertainment that being said I do feel like there’s an over sexualization sometimes and that’s the 50 that I don’t like again I know that sounds hypocritical cause I write smut but there’s just a type of smut/hard thoughts that just disgust me at times (I hope someone else feels like this and I don’t just sound crazy lol)

So basically I like smut when it’s more vanilla and tame not just some wild fantasy that would 99% never happen (not kink shaming tho this is just my preference)

Oh one more thing it’s hard for me to talk about the whole niki situation cause even tho he’s young the people sexualizing him might also be young too it doesn’t make it any better but the fact is unfortunately this is an app that underage people can access as well as other apps with adult content it does suck cause these people are young and probably don’t really see the immediate problem with it but there is indeed things that need to be implemented to protect minors being exposed to this shit and that’s a whole other problem that doesn’t involve niki or kpop but fact is we live in a fucked up world with fucked up things going on and I guess what I’m trying to say is that atp there really shouldn’t be any surprise should we try to stop it? Yes will it happen? Probably not but unfortunately thats just the way it is same shit happened with other idols too I do appreciate the people who call out underage blogs tho it helps keep things a little safer for the younger folk here so yeah even I have thought about deactivating my blog cause I know I have an influence on my readers and minors might be accessing my blog so sometimes it just makes me wonder if it’d be better to stop writing cause if I could protect just one underage person from being exposed to content like this I’d delete this app in a heart beat it’s fun writing but it’s not fun exposing people to stuff they shouldn’t be seeing and I know the whole talk about it’s the parents responsibility to keep kids off sites like this and writers shouldn’t have to quit because parents aren’t doing their jobs and blah blah blah but if you have that understanding that these kids aren’t being taught properly now is where you step in and take that role to be better than the people who raise kids up like that

Honestly I could write a whole essay but I’m sure I have bored everyone else by now

Again I was asked my opinion and this is all just my opinion so do not @ me

[joyswonderland1108]

Break my ass

I was supposed to be taking a small break from social media but this thought have been eating me out for some time so i thought i’ll just let it out and resume with my break. Warning, this might be some pretty raw talk so if you’re a 12-16yo judgmental ass minor with a victim complex please get the fuck out of here, not even some supposed adults can handle a mature talk let alone kids. (But if you’re a minor and still mature enough for this talk you’re welcome to stay)

So this post is supposed to be about Jimin but beforehand, my friend shared this in our friends gc earlier :

And i was like.. Are people ignorant or just like to play dumb? Were they expecting Yoongi to go on tour with nothing? Going on tour for what exactly Suchwita? I remember i once told someone “Well logically there will be Yoongi’s album too since he’s going on tour” and their reply was “I don’t think so” 🤡

Anygays, as French people say, revenons à nos moutons. So by now unless people are living under a rock we all know FACE is coming Aka Jimin’s album is coming, with that i have a few things to say. We all know damn well how a part of this fandom is waiting for opportunities to drag him for the smallest thing ever and sometimes those who say they love him don’t even help minimizing the hate either. 

Once the album is out please, don’t read too much into what any of the songs or lyrics mean, try to understand it as it is, don’t even try to make up some bullshit theories, don’t westernize his thoughts and view of things, let us not forget that we aren’t all coming from the same place with the same culture with the same mindset, don’t even try to link his words to anyone (Those who make everything about Jikook i see you.)

I’m pretty sure it took him a lot to take a step forward and decide to open up to Army and i’m also pretty sure that he’s not expecting everyone to understand but at least those who claim they love him and support him should be up to it. Let us listen to him, understand him, support him and accept whatever he has to offer for us, no more “Maybe he’s coming up with a second album” or “Maybe there is more to come” just stfu, we don’t know about that and whatever he is ready to give we shall appreciate him for it. 

One more thing, we all know that this fandom is fond of double standards, need i remind you how Jimin in Paris going out, partying with friends brought him harassment, got him called names, dragged meanwhile Tae doing the same exact thing if not more got people cooing at him and saying that they’re happy he gets to have fun.. I see y’all Tae stans out there trying to bite my ass from speaking the truth but the reality is no matter what Jimin does y’all are ready to judge him for it but instantly turn whatever he does to a normal thing once Tae does it. I hope he’s ashamed of y’all, disappointed in y’all. 

Once again, i’m really insisting on the fact that you should NOT westernize anything about his album, the way each individual sees things is not the same, things that might be normal for him might not be normal for you, things that might be normal for you might not be normal for him and if i see them bitches shame him for anything that all the members do/say as well again.. I’ll sacrifice your souls to the devil bitches! 

I know i keep repeating this but let is serve as a reminder, Yoongi didn’t say “FANS will understand” during Festa for nothing, they KNOW that not all Army are fans, they know that not all of them are understanding, they know that a lot of them are entitled little brats so they don’t expect them all to understand but hopefully those who are mature enough and love them enough will do and support them no matter what. We are supposed to give them a chance to move forward too, we can’t just put the boys in a prison and expect them to be the version each one of us want them to be, we are supposed to ACCEPT them the way they ARE and allow them to no longer hide behind a façade to please ungrateful pieces of shit, because yes to me anyone in this fandom who isn’t ready to accept them is a piece of shit.

With that, i guess i said everything i had to say, not too sure, again y’all already know my brain doesn’t brain correctly all the time, can’t organize my thoughts well, if i forgot to include a point i’ll either update this post or writer another post later. Take care.

[alyjojo]

Next Major Life Change 🏃🏻‍♀️ - April 2024 - Scorpio

Meditation: You had a halo of pentacles 🪙 surrounding you, and everything you touched turned to gold. You had a joyful time skipping about and turning random things into gold, some of which were more along the lines of mischievous & playful, but also helpful to those that needed it. When you would try to pick up the golden “riches” you’d created though, they’d turn to sand in your hands. I’m getting heavy 8th House energy here, your natural domicile. Taurus rules over finances, real estate, 2nd House - what’s MINE - and their North/South Nodes have intense lessons regarding hoarding and needing to share. Your riches are meant to be shared, we, us, whether by marriage, inheritance, the stock market & sales (other people’s money), and the like. Scorpio NN/SN has intense lessons in releasing possessions & people, death & transformation - finding peace in a more minimalist way of living - because materialism never was your style. At the end of the meditation, you were sulking in a corner, not using your gifts, because you couldn’t see that it’s by doing for others that you get to share in the abundance you create…just don’t touch it 🤷 Or…claim it?

What It Is: First Light 🌅, Discovering Truth 🔍 (bottom), Birth (Venus Cancer) with Axe 🪓 rev, 4 Cups, The Fool, 10 Swords, The Moon, Resistance (Mercury Taurus), Fear

“Beginning a new cycle.”

“You stand in the light of truth.”

“If you want to be free of fears and phobias, then you have to understand why they exist, and make peace with them.”

There’s a very positive message here, and it’s acknowledging you’ve been betrayed, hurt, never even saw this shit coming. You’re at the doorway of a new beginning, or just having walked through it, you’re resentful and resistant to it - because you didn’t choose it. You were forced. Everyone knows to not try and force a Scorpio to do anything, but Spirit can, and will, because 4 Cups shows you wouldn’t have. You’d have chosen to stick it out with something that wasn’t in line with what’s meant for you…it was The Devil and you didn’t even realize it. Still probably don’t, not to its full extent, but you will - Discovering Truth becomes more prevalent with time, and you’ll see that this new beginning was necessary for your happiness. For now though, you’re kicking grass at Spirit with your arms folded, sitting in a corner, “not using your gifts”, because you’re upset at how things have changed in your world, it’s a form of mourning what is lost…it’s normal. There’s a lot of fear in you about what comes next, you don’t trust people and you probably don’t even trust Spirit at this point, because wtf. You’re meant to be where you are right now, resistant, pissed off, resentful, all of that, it’s part of it. Birth with the Axe 🪓 rev shows to not cut off everyone around you, don’t cut off family and the people that truly love you - because one person (I assume) hurt you. If you have kids, they could play a role in your healing as well. Some of these fears could involve children, that could take many forms, only you’d know.

Why It’s Happening: The Hermit, 9 Cups, 3 Wands, 2 Cups

You’ve been alone, even when you’re in a crowd you’ve felt alone. Getting more in tune with Spirit, even if you’re cursing their name, you still have the hope that there’s something out there for you that will make you forget about this bs, and there is. Not yet. You’re waiting for your dream person, your soulmate, connection, everything you’ve ever wanted in the form of some person - I’m not getting anyone in particular I just assume it’s open to interpretation. All of your alone time and energy has been spent fixated on love, waiting for love, your dream person is going to show up one day and you’re over here sitting by yourself with your arms folded - resistant to even leaving the house to make yourself available to them. To even find you. How are they supposed to? They’re not going to climb through your window, and if they did you’d probably SHOOT them because AHH 😱 Didn’t I get that message for you before? 😆

Advice: The Devil rev with Pearl of Wisdom, The High Priestess, The World, Queen of Pentacles rev & Capable

“You can deal successfully with whatever challenges and circumstances arise.”

Love isn’t where your head needs to be, it’s keeping you stuck. Allow it to surprise you, I’m getting that you don’t have a choice otherwise. The focus needs to be more on acceptance of this betrayal situation that’s still heavily affecting you, releasing that Devil to the wind and seeing that this happened *for* you, not *to* you. The right person can’t come in with this other one hovering in your energy, they’ll pick up on the ick vibes and bounce. They need you as you, happy, whole, independent, working on yourself. Spirit is being secretive with The High Priestess, because even in readings people don’t gots ta know about your business. You know what’s toxic, you know what keeps you stuck, that’s what the Pearl of Wisdom is about - your own intuition basically telling you to “get your shit together”, and do it for you. Financially, you could have a hard time and the focus needs to be on work, that was the message I was getting before I even started shuffling. Work and bettering yourself, doing things for yourself, feeling secure in yourself, by yourself. Queen of Pentacles rev is describing you, upright she cooks, cleans, works her butt off, she’s scheduled, structured, and resourceful, she handles anything life throws at her and makes it look easy. Rev she could be doing things only for what they give her, materially focused with little effort, greedy, and she does not got this - she just lets her responsibilities fall to the wayside like it’s not her job - The World shows this ending, and Capable shows you have everything you need to make something a success, you can flip this Queen’s energy at any time, just decide to and do it. You could have been dealing with some toxic Capricorn energy in another person or have this affecting you/your chart somehow - The World shows once that ends, consciously, your new beginning waits.

Separately - Ace of Cups, King of Cups, The Star & Accomplishment 💙

“Remember past accomplishments as a way to overcome present self-doubt.

The side note here is very uplifting. Ace of Cups (new love) is coming to King of Cups (healthy & mature you), that will bring healing and show you your right path (The Star). Some could meet a Twin Flame that changes your whole life, they tend to come in like a wrecking ball, when they do. Not everyone, most will be meeting someone that makes them see why this had to happen, which is Spirit’s whole point. Why settle for a cup when you could have the whole ocean? 🌊 That analogy is specific for someone. It starts with a Cup and you’ll see how amazing things can be, you’ll feel proud of yourself for having gone through this and everything you’ll accomplish, and you’ll be a much happier, healthier, more mature version of you - one that is worth the effort to deeply love. King of Cups is nothing to sneeze at, he is a caretaker of the heart and will protect his and yours too, some of you could be meeting someone like this, could be another water sign. It’s Scorpio energy. You’ll see much more clearly what it is you want and deserve, from a mature & wise perspective, and you’ll keep moving in the directions you’re meant to move - and no one or nothing is against you, you have all of the spiritual support 💯

[mllelaurel]

I’m a little over 50% through Glacier’s Edge. I’m noticing that the newer books are less likely to get liveblogging out of me. Which is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, honestly. I don’t 100% know why that is the way it is?

At any rate, my opinions so far:

I don’t know how much of an unpopular opinion this is, but I’m actually really digging the Menzoberranzan civil war intrigue. I don’t know (or even know of, in most cases) most of these characters, but what’s going on with them is interesting. I like Big World Consequences and changes to status quo, and hope this pays off. 

Dinin is adorkable. And the Actual Worst at coming up with a fake name. What a dumbass (affectionate.)

Nnnot sure how and what I feel about Yvonnel’s age. (Hell, I’m not even sure if it counts as ‘very, very old lady,’ or ‘actual kid.’ Mostly, I think, it’s coming off as ‘supernatural entity who, if you asked her the age question, would sigh and give up.’) But if I don’t think about the age too hard? Congrats, Jarlaxle. Finally, a Baenre you can relate to. ‘Help, I think I’m into Drizzt. And also his wife. Would love a threesome. Please send help. Also I wish my mom loved me.’ ...Actually, no, I completely sincerely want her and Jarlaxle to interact. I think it would be good for both of them, weird affection-seeking Baenre black sheep that they are. 

Still unimpressed with Azzudonna’s extremely underbaked feelings for Zak. They’ve had enough interaction for her to go, ‘oh no he’s hot,’ or even ‘I like him and want to get to know him better.’ Love? Not buying it. 

Also, while Azzudonna’s desire to protect her city makes all the sense, it ALSO makes all the scenes of everybody trying to get her to tell them what happened to their friends repetitive and roadblocky. Her reasons are valid and sympathetic, but she has murdered the pacing in a back alley, and that murder was premeditated. She’s fine on the Watsonian, but I am starting to deeply resent her on the Doylist. 

We don’t even get much Dab’nay on the page, but I still love her and want more of her. 

Jarlaxle alone, on the back foot, and kind of desperate is pretty gripping. I’m here for it.

....Yeah, okay, now I’m seeing where y’all are getting Kimmuriel being kinda madly in love with Jarlaxle. You’re getting it right around here. Because holy shit, Kimmuriel is kinda madly in love with Jarlaxle. 

I do wish, given how attached Kimmuriel is at this point, and how much he now acknowledges that psychic intrusion can be a horrible violation, that the book would actually address on-page the fact that that’s exactly what he did to Jarlaxle in the past. And there really does seem to be a throughline between Kimmuriel’s moral growth and his attachment to Jarlaxle. I 100% buy the progression from ‘oh shit, I like this guy’ to ‘why do I feel bad?’ to ‘Oh, maybe I feel bad because I hurt him.’ to ‘Oh. That thing I do hurts people and I actually care.’ But I still want it on the page. And also feel like there’s a beat of Jarlaxle being angry about it instead of instantly forgiving, which would be the character arc clincher here. (Also also I don’t know that Kimmuriel would just Get It and grow on his own, without a catalyst like say Jarlaxle being angry at him right as he’s starting to realize how much he cares about Jarlaxle.) 

Wow, Kane (and the monks working with him) are the actual worst. Actual fucking worst. You know a guy trusts you and finds peace and safety at your monastery. You also know that he has major trauma about losing his friends and is a young parent understandably worried about the safety of his daughter. So, what do you do? You make him think that a friend of his has been violently killed and his kid is in danger. And you claim it’s for his own good. To control his berserker tendencies. Which you fuckers deliberately set off, by hitting at least 60% of the triggers he’s got. Amazing. About all I can say for them is they didn’t actually endanger Drizzt’s kid. If they had, Drizzt would be well within his rights to start stabbing. No jury would convict him.

PS: No. You cannot ‘cure’ someone’s anger issues/uncontrolled fighting style, which seems to be rooted in some amount of trauma, given that trauma sets it off, by deliberately re-traumatizing that person. Yikes. 

Also:

“Let me go with you.” 

“I have been begging you to—” 

“No, within you. Let me in. I will help you find the balance.” 

“Just come beside me! My daughter—” He stopped when he felt Kane let go of his hand and grab at his mind instead...

You know what’s missing here? Oh yeah. Consent. 

When Kimmuriel has officially outstripped you in his understanding of meaningful psychic consent? You should be very, very ashamed of yourself. (And Kimmuriel should be very proud of himself, to be fair.)

[lixxpix]

prompt list!!

* "he looks at you as if you hung the stars. created the universe, even."

* "for being someone you hate, i'm sure on your mind a lot."

* "do us both a favor. stay away from me."

* "can… can i have a hug? please?”

* "oh, sweetheart- come here.”

* "how long has it been since someone hugged you?”

* "just hold me.”

* "is this okay?”

* "we don’t have to talk, if you don’t want to. we can just sit here together until you feel up to anything else.”

* "can i hug you? you look like you could do with it.”

* "are you blushing?! that’s adorable.”

* "it’s okay, baby, just let it all out. i’ve got you, i promise.”

* "you fell asleep in my arms. it was kind of adorable.”

* "please, never apologise for wanting to be loved.”

* "you don’t need to earn my affection, not now and not ever.”

* "i’m never more at peace than i am in your arms.”

* "not that i think cuddling will fix everything, but i’m pretty sure it can’t make things worse.”

* "i never knew i could feel this loved.”

* "you really are an asshole, you know that?"

* "if you want me to go, then you have to tell me to leave."

* "just stay out of my way."

* "of all the people in the world, i'm stuck with you."

* "what is it you want this time?"

* "sometimes i wonder if you're in love with me."

* "do you honestly think this is easy for me?"

* "can we please just talk?"

* "there is nothing for us to talk about."

* "you can yell at me later. just let me help you."

* “i can stay the night, y’know. if it’d make you feel better.”

* “try and get some sleep. i’ll stay right here- i won’t let anything happen to you, i swear.”

* “you should’ve told me this was going on. i would’ve put a stop to it the second i heard about it.”

* “no one gets to treat you like that, you hear me? no one.”

* “either go to bed and get some rest willingly, or i will drag your ass down the hall kicking and screaming. you know i’ll have no problem with either option.”

* “you must be freezing- here, take my jacket.”

* “this place is dicey at the best of times. just take my hand until we’re clear of it, yeah?”

* “anyone touches you, says anything to you, so much as looks at you the wrong way- you come get me, and i’ll set them straight. understand?”

* “i’m not jealous. i just know the intentions that someone like that has for you, even if you claim not to see them yourself.”

* “stay behind me, no matter what.”

* "i know you can't believe it yet, but i promise you can trust me. whenever you're ready to rely on me, i'll be here for you. i swear it."

* “i like seeing you this way. so… at ease. makes me wonder how anyone could ever purposely put you under stress and live with themselves afterwards.”

* “shut up and just let me take care of you!”

* “this isn’t up for discussion. i know you’re used to looking out for yourself, but i need you to understand that you don’t have to live like that anymore. i’m here. for as long as i’m around, i’m going to come between you and anything that wants to hurt you.”

* "no one’s ever going to hurt you again. i promise you that on everything i believe in.”

* "there is something deeply wrong with you."

* "i know i'm the last person you probably want to see, but..."

* "you don't think we could be friends, do you?"

* "i'm tired of fighting against you."

* "don't pretend you give a shit about me."

* "you're an idiot, but... i trust you."

* "oh, don't be cute."

* "wait, did you just say that i'm cute?"

* "we're not good for each other."

* "if i say yes, will you shut up?"

* "don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"

* "maybe we should kiss just to break the tension."

* "i'm sorry i can't turn off my feelings as easily as you."

* "maybe there's a universe out there where we're friends."

* "how can you be so smart yet so dumb at the same time?"

* "don't think this changes anything between us."

* "you look ridiculous in that outfit, by the way."

* "is that a challenge?"

* "ah, so you're not heartless after all."

* "i don't think i've ever seen you smile."

* "you never cared about me, so why now?"

* "why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?"

* "i don't even remember why we started fighting."

* "i don't have time for distractions right now."

* "you're not as bad as everyone says you are."

* "enemies make the best lovers, you know."

* "power breeds corruption."

* "come here, dumbass."

* "did you care?"

* "hey, it's fashion."

* "i can't die."

* "you love me?"

* "sir, you're dying."

* "you ignored me."

* "i'm very concerned."

* "come on, dance!"

* "you were... lying."

* "shhhh, come here."

* "three more hours."

* "i was yours."

* "everything ends, eventually."

* "can't you see?"

* "i wanted everything."

* "you didn't listen."

* "can i sit?"

* "let me talk."

* "hold onto this."

* "she clouds judgement!"

* "don't love me."

* "one more chance."

* "i suffered alone."

* "could we try?"

* "she was mine.”

[whyrubuyingclothesatthesoupstore]

my friend asked me to write an essay about the midori head spin and then I did

@rock-doodles-shit​ this is all your fault

I am sure you know of this scene, and I am sure you can remember how you reacted when you first got to it in the game. We all know that it’s funny as balls and incredibly memorable, but I feel as though we don’t appreciate it quite as much as we should. So today I will be telling you why Midori spinning his head in the middle of the banquet was a necessary addition to the story, not because I actually think so, but because it would be really funny.

(These are all things that nankidai probably had in mind while writing the scene, it’s just that he most likely didn’t spend an hour and a half writing them out in great detail)

First of all, this scene reveals that Midori isn’t human, and that he gave away parts of his body to a lot of other people, which not only helps the plot move forward but sets up some things that will hopefully be fully explained in 3-2. It’s also necessary for Midori to demonstrate that he’s not human, considering that the others might not have believed him otherwise because of how much he’s messed with them before.

It’s also what fits Midori’s personality most, because it’s probably the most dramatic thing he could have possibly done here. Just disconnecting his head for his body would have also worked, but spinning it better shows how he treats the whole thing as a game and just does whatever he finds the most entertaining, or whatever will get the funniest reactions out of people.

This scene also gives us what I think are the best lines Hiyori has in the whole game - “I gave up my humanity!” and “In this way, the body can also be a majority vote!” I have a post on the second line already, so let’s just stop on the first one. The line gives us a really good look into Hiyori’s worldview (which I wish the game would’ve done more but I digress). To him no longer being human is something worth celebrating, something to casually mention in conversation, something to flaunt by doing stupid tricks with the doll parts of his body. He could have a lot of reasons to think that way - no longer being human means he basically cheated death, it means he can claim he’s incapable of feeling fear since it’s a human emotion, it makes him “stronger” than some emotional fragile human, and mentioning it casually also creeps people out which we all know he is a fan of doing. I want to make a separate post on tumblr dot com about this line so for now this is all that I’m gonna say.

Fourth of all, it’s just really funny okay. Having your main antagonist randomly start spinning his head around during an intense scene to show off his cool cyborg powers is really really funny. I’m pretty sure the participants shouldn’t even be able to see inside the coffins but I am willing to suspend my disbelief because it’s just hilarious and definitely worth the small logical error.

And lastly, everyone’s reactions to Midori spinning his head give us small but needed bits of characterization.

The first to react are Shin and Kanna, they just scream. Sara just says what she’s seeing and Q-Taro goes “Stop! That’s creepy!” which is possibly the funniest response anyone could have to a situation like this, and afterwards says “You’re clearly not human!”, which is either him stating the obvious or talking about humanity as a moral quality because he’s just that baffled that Midori could treat turning himself into a doll this lightly (I sure do wonder why he could have possibly reacted this way). Sara quickly collects herself and tries to focus on moving the discussion forward, Kanna seems too terrified/disturbed to say anything else, and Shin says “What the hell?! What are you thinking...?!”

Not “what is wrong with you”, “what are you thinking.” I feel like he’s trying to understand why Hiyori seems so willing to reveal this, since it supposedly puts him at a disadvantage. And he’s right to be suspicious because Hiyori’s next turn could’ve killed Gin if Sara didn’t remember the consent form. He only revealed he’s a doll because he was convinced he was going to win anyway, and it makes sense Shin would be the one to notice that since he knows Hiyori better than anyone.

The Yabusames don’t react at all in emotion route, either they’re supposed to be frozen in shock or nankidai straight up forgot about them.

(Side note, what do you think Keiji was thinking here while he was listening over the transceiver?)

And these five arguments conclude my weird little essay, thank you for reading please grade my paper well.

[sirenkiss444]

EDDIE MUNSON, ONE SHOT || 16+

“ I saw Patrick staring you down last night.”

( Possessiveness, Jealousy, Passive-Aggressive, Substance abuse, Confessing feelings, Flirting, Cursing, Sexual tension)

Eddie and Female Reader;

preview: Y/N and Eddie have been friends ever since Y/N moved to Hawkins. One day, on a hot summer day, they plan a small picnic and a smoke session. They both are into each other and it’s getting harder to hide it.

Y/Ns POV

- Ham, yeah, no, no - I repeat myself as we walk through the greenness of the woods of Hawkins, trying to find a nice spot to just lay our stuff.- I should have had put some shorts on instead of this skirt but I just couldn’t help it.- I look up at him to meet his face. He is smiling, eyes fixed on the ground being careful enough to not trip over a branch. Gosh, he has such a beautiful smile, I think to myself.- This is a beautiful corduroy skirt, if you ask me.- I giggle, as I take my hand to grab the sides of my burnt orange corduroy skirt lifting it slightly.-

- I’m just saying that if mister wind decides to make an appearance..- he says giggling and lifting both of his arms up.- But I do think that’s a beautiful skirt.- He says on a low tone taking a look. A smirk present on his lips.- You know?- He stops walking, straightening is back up. I stop as well, honestly, to appreciate him. -This backpack is killing me.- He complains picking up his pace right after.- I think we are almost there, sweetheart.- Eddie looks ahead taking now the lead. His voice comes out soft and protective and that only wakes up the butterflies living inside me. The butterflies that were born at his sight and presence.

-Yes sir.- I say in a sarcastic military tone, ignoring the cold sensation on my stomach.-So you have a place? Han? - I follow.-

- Well yes.- He looks at me. His long curly hair bouncing over his forehead, moving with the soft breeze.- You will see.- He says smiling.-

Gosh, he has does big beautiful brown eyes… that are so calming yet so provocative. I don’t know if I want to cuddle him or just fuck the shit out of him. Both, if I had to choose, although, I don’t believe Eddie feels the same way. I mean, he is almost 20, I am barely 19. I turned 18 two months ago but I’ve seen his type. I am not his type. I’m just his friend.

- Here we are!- He says excited snapping me out of my thoughts.- Picnic tables!- He says pointing to one of the four picnic tables there.- For a picnic!- He announces happily making me smile and giggle to his energy. He is just contagious.- What do you think?- Eddie asks flipping his hands as he awaits for my response.-

I look around one last time to take in the details. It is calm here, especially calm. The sun hugs the trees and the bushes beautifully, shines through the flowers on the earth as the birds sing along with rhythm. I inhale the air around me, claiming the peaceful energy and moment for myself. He always takes me to the nicest places. That’s for sure.

- Eddie, I love it.- I confess, meeting his eyes and walk towards him.-

- Ah!- He screams in excitement.- I knew it! I knew it!- He celebrates by flexing his elbow and closing his right hand in a fist.

I put down the backpack that I was carrying until here and hug him. I don’t wanna resist it. And I don’t care if it looks weird, I just wanna hug him.

I hide my face in his chest as his arms welcome me to a warm and reciprocated hug. He pulls me closer and I do the same. Honestly, I can’t understand how this human being makes me feel so many things at the once.

- Thank you, Eddie.- I say softly.-

- I got you, girl.- He simply states depositing a small kiss on top of my head. I instantly smile to that sensation, to his action, but it ends just as fast as it started. Eddie pulls my body away from his quickly, my smile disappears with the movement and confusion forms in my mind. Did I do something wrong?

Eddie gives me a forced smile as he, himself, doesn’t know what to do, or why he pulled me away like that. I know this smile, it’s is awkward smile, when he doesn’t know what to do or say.

Fuck, I can’t believe I fucked this up.

- You know what miss?- He starts. I can see a small honest smile on his lips as he tries to escape the tension. His eyes move to the table as he puts down his backpack.- I think we should roll a fat joint!- He gesticulates his hands. I smile instantly to that ideia.-

- I agree. I can do it! - I pump up myself as I sit down on the picnic bench.- Gimme gimme!- I show him my bare hands and one more big smile.-

I think, for the sake of now, I will just play along and pretend that didn’t happen. We came here to enjoy since most of our group is separated because of summer holidays. Robin and Steve, along with Dustin, went to a summer science, cosmic, festival? I don’t really know, they simply said” We will be back, don’t you worry.”. Nancy is busy with her job as well, and the rest left Hawkins for the summer.

Meanwhile, as I finish grinding up the weed, Eddie is talking about his last D&D play. Do I know anything about D&D after these years of being friends with Eddie? Well, not really. However, I’m all ears. He always gets excited about the game. The club. I nod my head agreeing with what he is saying, even though the only thing I’m paying attention to is his beautiful features. His brown hair, how it has beautiful waves, and his hands, his fingers.. his lovely fingers, decorated with big rings.

I look away from his hands and focus on finishing rolling the joint. I take it up to my mouth and start licking the paper. Automatically my eyes meet his. He keeps talking but his big sharp eyes feel fixed on my lips and it’s making my butterflies rise again.

- Hm- Eddie hums looking me dead in the eye.- You know, this is out of context,- He says gently like he’s trying to gather words. Before speaking again, he clears his throat and I lit up the joint I just finished rolling.- I saw Patrick staring you down last night. At Joe’s Arcade.- He states bluntly, but it feels like he’s trying to get a specific a reacting out of me.-

I frown my eyebrows in complete confusion. Last night we went to Joe’s Arcade simply to grab some snacks and candy and Patrick Brooks was there with his annoying ass “friends”. But if you ask me, I highly doubt it.

I hit the joint one last time and pass it to Eddie. He has this look on his face. It’s as if he doesn’t want to talk about it, however, he was the one to bring it up.

Still confused, I ask:

- Patrick Jonah?- I cough in denial.-

- Cmon, Y/N…- He says in a sharp tone, clenching his jaw after allowing the white smoke to leave his plump lips.- Brooks.-

- I don’t know what you’re talking about.- I shake my head, not wanting to hear that nonsense. I want nothing to do with those guys. They used to bully the hell out of me.- He wasn’t, Eddie.- I cross my arms, comforting myself a little and stare right into those eyes. Why the serious look on his face?

He giggles as he takes one more hit.- I don’t think you realise how beautiful you are, sweetheart..- He states in a low raspy voice. My eyes widen at the sound of those words. I search his face for more clues of what he might be feeling or thinking.- Why would he not look at you?- He asks and I can hear the sarcasm hiding beneath his tongue. I get passed the joint and quickly put it to my lips, inhaling as much as I can at the moment, desperately trying to calm my anxious self.- Everything about you shines.- He confesses. I stay quiet as I’m trying to assimilate what is happening.- Your long shady eyes… - he licks his lips making me swallow dry. I give the joint one more puff before passing it to Eddie. His hand reaches mine to grab the almost gone joint making our skins touch.- Those lips..- He takes a big puff.- There are simply so many reasons for Patrick Brooks to stare at you. - He starts gesticulating with his hands. I can definitely feel some annoyance coming from him, what makes me once again, frown my eyebrows. I don’t understand where this is coming from.-

- Eddie..- I try to speak.-

- No, lemme finish sweetheart,-He shows me his pointy finger.- I think you should go for him, Ah!- He laughs shaking his head negatively as he holds a sarcastic smile.-

- Eddie, you’re not making sense…- I look away from him. He is acting weird.- You never cared about boys looking at me.-

- Oh is that so?- He raised his voice as his eyes open wide. That sarcastic smirk still present on his face. Eddie gets up from the bench making me gently flinch from the rapid movement. I tense my jaw, not knowing where this is going and follow his moves with my eyes.- He is popular,- Eddie starts enumerating.- He is taller, he has a decent GPA, hm,- Stops for a second.- A nice car, mone-

- Eddie stop! Just stop!- I now get up. Annoyed.- How do you even dare to talk about things like that?- I shake my head confused.- Me? Look in Patrick Brooks direction?! Do you even know me, Eddie?!- I ask seriously. He knows me, he knows that those guys are nothing to me.-

- All I am saying is that maybe you should give him a chance!- He barks at my face in annoyance. I stand there looking at him. Without notice, I begin to feel a lump in my throat and my vision getting slightly blurry.-

- Are you jealous?- I ask passively, shrugging my shoulders. Why would he be jealous of me? If all I am to him is a friend?

- Pff,- He spits.- Jealous?- Eddie gives me a side look. Most of his attention is now on the dirty ground as he completely finishes smoking the joint.- Of that asshole?- He lifts his right eyebrow- I’m just saying that, maybe you two would make a good couple.- Eddie speaks bluntly as he sits back down on the bench.- I’ll roll another one.- He says with no emotion on his face, making my heart skip a beat.

I take a big deep breath. A good couple? Me and Patrick.

What about me and Eddie? I think that would be beautiful.

Why did he even say those things when I am literally all over him. I want to spend most of my time with him, I want to be close to him, take care of him and he mentions another guy? A guy that I hate, because he saw him staring at me?

- I would rather die.- I say and let out a deep sigh sitting back down. Eddie’s head turns my way quickly and I don’t loose the chance to make eye contact with him.- Eddie, why would I want to be with someone like Brooks, when I have you?- I say softly, not wanting to argue anymore or instigate anything.- When you have been by my side for years now. - I confess looking up to the sky. For a few seconds, I allow myself to inhale the air around me to calm me down. My brain is processing one hundred thoughts at the moment and that is increasing my heart rate which doesn’t help my anxiety.

I should just confess that I have feelings.

Eddie remains in silence. The noises of him grinding up the weed filling the space around us. I try to read his body language and I can tell he is tense. His shoulders and jaw look so rigid, it feels painful. He is nervous. And annoyed, thats for sure.

- How can you be that blind, Ed?- I ask him, licking my dry lips.-

- What?- He is the one now confused.-

- All these years, and you think I want some other boy?- I nod my head negatively.- All I want is you Eddie..- I finally confess. I look down to my fingers to avoid eye contact. I can feel my hands starting to get humid from the amount of anxiety that this situation is causing me. I mean, I most definitely did not plan confessing my feelings to him. Or that this conversation would even emerge.

A huge wave of silence falls over us. Eddie has literally the balls to give me the silent treatment. I curse myself for confessing my stupid feelings to him. Like, like Eddie Munson is going to have feeling for anyone. All we can hear, besides the birds, is the sound of the rolling paper being used. I lift my head enough to see what he is doing. As he finishes rolling, he taps the bottom end of it on the picnic table to make sure everything is in its place. He gets up once again making me shift my gaze towards my hands, now playing nervously with the end of my skirt.

Eddie walks towards me, spreading his legs apart as he sits down on the bench with me completely facing my body. He feels extremely intimidating, but in a good way. I don’t move my body, I turn my head to the right, facing his face. His hair looks messy and I can see a few drops of sweat dripping down his temples due to the hot summer day. He lights up the joint he just rolled while having this dominant gaze stuck on me. I look down. His thighs on those skinny ripped black jeans look so good. His broad shoulders and chest moving up and down along with his breathing and movements look so hot, I just wish he could fuck the shit out of me and I would thank him for it. But this is definitely not the time to be having thoughts like these.

I feel and smell the smoke hitting my face so I look up at him to complain about the smoke burning my eyes but he speaks first.

- I liked that.- He says confidently and he leans his body to the right to support this elbow on top of the wood table and takes a puff.-

- Liked what?-

- You confessing what you feel for me.- Eddie states gently and gets closer to me. For some reason, my body is static, glued to the bench.

- I- I begin trying to explain myself as my eyes search his face for some type of signal but all I can see is the smirk on his lips, as if he’s enjoying being in control of the situation.-

- I like you to, baby.- Eddie speaks as softly as he could. He takes his left free hand to my face and gently caressed my cheek. With some hesitation, I tilted my head to feel more of his touch on my skin.- A lot.- He reassures me while looking at me with his big puppy eyes. I can’t resist it but to smile to his words and action.- Gosh I just love your eyes..-He says making me giggle in pure happiness.- And that smile…- Eddie adds as he keeps his thumb on my cheek. I don’t want him to stop, to be honest. I want more.-

His thumb starts to move down to my lower lip, now caressing it. His touch simply feel so soft and right, it makes me crave for more of that feeling. Our eyes dance together as we both are desperately aching for each other’s touch and kiss.

- Edd- I’m cut off-

- Shh, love.- He murmurs to me before collapsing our lips together. I feel myself melt under is kiss, making me let out a satisfied groan. My hands quickly travel to Eddie’s face. His sharp jaw fits perfectly between my fingers what makes me pull myself closer to his body. The hand that was caressing my cheek swam down my neck, choking me very softly but with some pressure. I can feel him holding himself back. He groans out gently and he pulls himself away from the kiss making our eyes meet again.- You’re mine, Y/N. Aways been.-

—

AHHH should I make a story out of this or should I make a part two? Still debating.

Hope you guys enjoy this! Also, I apologise for any grammar errors:)