#note to self just because it's a good cake does not mean it's a good cupcake

[monsterbutch]

cupped cakes

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Just like how kalim embodies scarabia's mindfulness in his own way, how do you think other boys embodies their respective dorms spirit?

For the sake of ease and consistency, I will be using the official TWST localization's terms for each dorm's core value.

Please note: these are my personal interpretations; even the definitions of each dorm’s “spirit” is not explicitly defined within official TWST materials, so I’ll be running with my own definitions before covering each NRC student. Additionally, since I’ll be covering 22 characters in this post I may not have time to get into painstaking detail for each one.

***Main story spoilers (including late book 7) below the cut!!***

The Queen of Hearts' Spirit of Strictness

Literally speaking, strictness refers to following rules or beliefs exactly. There is rigid enforcement of these rules or beliefs, and very few, if any, exceptions or mercy granted.

Right off the bat, it’s easy to see how Riddle aligns with the spirit of strictness. He is the embodiment the law in Heartslabyul, serving as both judge and executioner to his students. Riddle insists that the rules—no matter how nonsensical—be followed, and he does not hesitate to unleash his wrath and collar those who step out of line. He is strictness itself. Beyond book 1, we do see Riddle trying to be more patient and flexible—however, the fact remains that he upholds rules and continues to have trouble with circumstances where he has to think independently or without a set of instructions to refer to.

Trey is known for frequently indulging others and behaving in a manner which some may call kind. The twist here is that Trey’s strictness is present in the “big brother” role he adopts when dealing with his peers. He’s generally more lenient than Riddle, but Trey often alludes to the fact that he shouldn’t be underestimated or thought of as a nice guy. There are moments when Trey gives others their comeuppance for misbehaving (such as in his dorm uniform vignettes, where he deprives first years of cake for complaining about his same-y baked goods). The thing is, most don’t see it coming because he’s typically so… nice. When he wants to be stern and put his foot down, he certainly can—it just isn’t something that happens a lot, since he’s more mild-mannered than his classmates.

Cater is strict with his public image, specifically how his peers view him. This is most obviously seen in his obsession with social media. He's constantly taking pictures and posting, being heavily involved on Magicam—a space where he can control the narrative about the type of person he is and the life he has. Cater keeps up this front in real life as well, acting cheery and sociable with his classmates while masking a far less motivated and sad side to his character. (This is implied in his Lab Wear vignettes, where a mandrake he infuses with his own magic becomes gloomy and huddles into itself.) There are occasions when Cater expresses that he is lonely or that he wishes he had more friends growing up, but he never fully opens up about his true nature. He strictly keeps that part of himself locked up tight and is seemingly afraid of what others would think of that persona.

Like Cater, Deuce is strict with himself. In Deuce's case, this arises from a past of delinquency and the desire to reform and to be an honors student that his mom can be proud of. Because of these goals, Deuce tries very hard to excel in class (but often falls short) and to behave in a way that he believes honors students would. This means changing the way he looks (he let his natural hair color come back in; it used to be bleached blonde), the way he speaks (not using foul language), the way he dresses, and, most importantly, the way he acts. Of course, his temper gets the best of him at times and his delinquent self bubbles back up (like in book 1 when the eggs were ruined), and Deuce is currently working on better repressing that.

Ace is probably the most carefree and the least stereotypically "strict" of the Heartslabyul group. Instead of having a focus on enforcing rules, Ace is usually the one breaking or defying them. How, then, does he embody the Queen of Hearts' spirit of strictness? I believe it comes through in some of Ace's most iconic scenes: the ones where he is calling others out on their bull crap. Time and time again, it's Ace that is bluntly telling others what they're doing or saying is hypocritical or wrong, or that they haven't truly taken accountability. He does this no matter who he is facing, be that his own dorm leader (book 1), an undead bride (Ghost Marriage), or Malleus Draconia himself (Endless Halloween Night). Ace has his own set of morals and beliefs, and he speaks them loud and clear without imposing as harshly as Riddle does.

The King of Beasts' Spirit of Persistence

Persistence is when one continues their course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. In other words, there is an obstacle in the way of achieving a goal, and one persists in the face of that obstacle.

Leona is a somewhat strange case to make for persistence because initially he comes off as a very lazy character. We quickly learn that though he appears unmotivated, he’s comfortable scheming and thinking multiple steps ahead to cut out difficult or unnecessary work. There’s no doubt that Leona has had a challenging childhood, feeling like he was always being compared to his brother and never recognized for his own talents. We feel the effects of Leona losing this hope as late as book 6, when Leona says that Jamil is capable of change, unlike himself. Some fans even speculate that Leona’s dialogue implies he has fallen into depression as a result of frequently being dismissed and put down in spite of his efforts to be seen. Even when Leona is dealing with such trauma, he cooks up a plot to return his dorm to glory and to support its future. He, the lowly second born prince, wants to prove himself and his team of misfits, as being worthy of respect and admiration. When the plans fall through, Leona is quick to give up (which seems to go against the idea of Savanaclaw’s persistence). However, I would say this is part of his character growth in book 2. Later in the main story, Leona also throws in the towel quickly—but it doesn’t contradict his development; he knows when to strategically retreat in book 6.

Ruggie comes from an extremely impoverished background. He has had perhaps the least “cushy” life out of the entire NRC cast. Even so, Ruggie was able to study and work hard enough to earn decent grades, get multiple part-time jobs, and pick up many useful survival skills. He’s street smart and knows that what he lacks in strength he can make up for by sticking to someone who is strong (Leona). (Their relationship is mutually beneficial!!) Ruggie knows that just having money isn’t sustainable in the long run, so he’s hauling ass now to make something of not only himself, but also for all the people in the slums.

Jack embodies persistence through the events of book 2. At first, Jack tries to get Leona to see reason by letting him know that he genuinely is a figure Jack admires. He’s put in a moral dilemma when Leona argues that even if they play dirty, he has good intentions. If Jack interferes, he is messing with the future job prospects of his dorm members. Jack wrestles with the question before ultimately coming to the conclusion that he has to tell others about it—and, what’s more, put his own pride as a lone wolf aside to confront Leona and stop to his machinations.

The Sea Witch's Spirit of Benevolence

Benevolence may refer to meaning well or general kindness and compassion. It involves a willingness to help others and caring for them.

Azul, being at the head of the operations at Octavinelle, passes himself off as a benevolent man who will listen to your woes and grant your wishes. In fact, he does—but at a price. The shady ring he’s running is NOT wholly benevolent; the deals can definitely come across as malevolent in book 3 (when Azul wrote the contracts in such a way that the loopholes could fuck clients over). The deals themselves (assuming no foul play), however, are neutral since both parties agree to the terms. Contracts are written with the idea that they will benefit the clients. And Azul is, of course, also seeking out benefits for himself, as that is the nature of business dealings.

Jade represents a kind of benevolence associated with acts of service. He’s Azul’s right-hand man and information broker—furthermore, much of how Jade presents himself alludes to being a butler or some other supportive role. Jade just generally behaves in a way which benefits others. He acts demure and servile, then uses the trust he has gained through service to ply what he wants out of others. Jade does it so sweetly and so expertly that his prey don’t usually notice, or willfully overlook it, being far too impressed by his abilities to fixate on his ulterior motives. This strategy works even on notoriously stern individuals such as Vil (Jade Dorm Uniform vignettes).

Floyd gives “free hugs” :) is… well, ironically, the “kindest” of the trio in a weird way. While this is highly dependent on his mood, the fact of the matter is that Floyd is the easiest to read in terms of “telegraphing” his actions. If he’s in a bad mood, he usually will not hide it. You know what you’re signing up for as soon as you see him. He also typically doesn’t put forth an effort to manipulate or to scheme like Azul or Jade would; Floyd would prefer to be direct and get it over with already. That, in a sense, is the mercy that he offers: something swift and plain to see.

The Sorcerer of the Sands' Spirit of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a state of being aware of oneself and the present moment. A mindful individual can aknowledge and accept one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Mindfulness may also extend to being aware of others and perceiving their own states of being.

Kalim is not viewed as the most intelligent or crafty of leaders, but where he shines is in his ability to welcome and to bond with his dorm mates. His emotional intelligence is extremely high, which proves itself to be a useful skill in getting to know others and to earn their trust. Kalim has made a name for himself in Scarabia because he is always there to listen and lend a helping hand to his dormmates. He is unabashedly open about his own emotions too, crying when he is sad and trying hard when he is frustrated or dissatisfied. He often asks to know what is wrong when he senses upset within his classmates and wants to do what he can to rectify those situations. This is peak mindfulness--not only is Kalim acutely aware of his own emotional state, but he's also pretty consistent with sensing those in others (the one big exception here, of course, is Jamil). Sometimes Kalim can be blindsided by his own blind faith in others or his overeagerness causing him to blurt things out unintentionally. He's definitely not perfect in this regard--however, there's plenty of room and willingness to grow and to learn (something which Kalim has expressed both in book 5 and in birthday vignettes).

Jamil more readily fits in with a less savory interpretation of mindfulness. He thinks ahead and uses what he knows of others to manipulate them or put himself in an advantageous position. This notably occurs in book 4 (when Jamil plans to use the feedback of Yuu and the Scarabia members to dethrone Kalim), as well as in events (like Beans Day, where he plans to entrap Kalim when Kalim cooks a fragrant lunch that Jamil purposefully packed for him). He uses what he notices or knows about others (Azul’s shadiness, rumors about Lilia being a bad cook) to avoid interactions which could be less than beneficial to him. Jamil’s main fault is that he fails to recognize people’s strengths (something which Leona calls him out for in book 6), and instead focuses mainly on their weaknesses, shortcomings, and how those could be exploited (mostly because he’s in a position where he cannot outright act in certain ways without suffering some consequences). Jamil is aware of these potential consequences and finds or plans workarounds for them. However, he is also mindful in a more conventional sense too. He’s usually the competent one in Scarabia’s leadership and fulfills the organizational tasks that Kalim doesn’t. The duo is like sun and moon; they balance each other out.

The Beautiful Queen's Spirit of Tenacity

Simply put, tenacity is determination and endurance. One is persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired. Each of the members of Pomefiore knows what they want, and they are stubborn in their pursuit of it.

Vil makes it clear in book 5 that he wants to win VDC/SDC, thereby proving to himself and to the world that he is capable of more than playing the part of a “villain”. He already had high standards for himself prior to book 5 (exercising, doing skincare, maintaining a healthy diet, etc.), but you can see how single minded Vil is toward this one goal. He drives his team members hard and even cancels a major job offer from his manager so he can dedicate all his time and energy into seizing the win. And how many times has Vil lost in the past??? Countless, I bet. Yet here he is, trying again and again, even when he knows that happy endings aren’t guaranteed and his efforts may not bear fruit after all.

Rook pursues any and all things beautiful!! He used to just be content admiring beauty, but with Vil’s prompting, Rook soon also found value in beautifying himself. It means Rook can also put beauty out into the world, and helps him better appreciate other works of art. This man is infamous around campus for his… admittedly creepy and unnerving habits. He follows people around, documents them in photographs, memorizes their personal details, etc. His keen eye has also earned him praise though—Vil can comfortably rely on him for honest feedback, and Neige recognizes him as a dedicated member of his fan club. Rook is nothing if not determined and dedicated to his craft.

Epel is tenacious too, but in a way that Vil would not approve of in all circumstances. Epel is stubborn in his thinking and refuses to let go of his hometown roots. He’s very proud of where he comes from, so he puts up a fight with Vil when Vil demands that Epel address his upperclassmen more politely. Epel sees the command as a threat to himself, and a challenge to the hometown he loves. Additionally, it takes Epel a while to reevaluate his deeply ingrained views on gender norms. He’s all-around very strong-headed!

The King of the Underworld's Spirit of Diligence

Diligence is when one is involved in careful and persistent work or effort. This principle generally governs all of STYX, the blot research organization operated by the Shroud family. Their job is a thankless one—they do such important work, yet it isn’t recognized by the general public due to STYX’s secretive nature.

Idia, as the temporary acting director of STYX in book 6, gets involved in their research. There’s many Phantoms kept in the STYX facility, so there are many safety precautions in place and care taken to ensure no one is harmed. (Ironically, it was Idia’s lack of diligence that led to Ortho’s passing.) Outside of book 6, one can say that Idia has a diligent personality, at least when it comes to his hyperfixations. He becomes dedicated to media that captures his interests to the point where it actually incentivizes him to leave his room (Ghost Marriage) and overcome his meek stutter to speak confidently and lecture people (first Halloween event, his Dorm Uniform vignettes, etc.).

I believe Ortho is diligent in being Idia’s emotional support both before and after Ortho is officially recognized as a separate student. He cheers Idia on and encourages him to touch grass socialize, wishing nothing but the best for his big brother! Ortho wasn’t always like this either; he used to be quite stiff and monotone, and had to learn how to emulate emotions by carefully observing and absorbing media. His motivation in book 6 is also fueled by diligence—Ortho worries about what he can do to support Idia’s wishes, and this is ultimately what drives him to taking over STYX and unleashing the Phantoms. Then, in Fairy Gala: What If, Ortho stubbornly tries to come up with his own ideas regarding the theme of evolution rather than rely on others for answers. He works hard to developing his own concept and is able to put on a show-stopping performance with it!

The Thorn Fairy's Spirit of Nobility

To be noble can refer to strength of character, mind, and/or literal position, birth, rank, or social status. No matter which definition you go with, I think they could all apply to the members of Diasomnia.

Regarding noble status, Malleus and Silver are both princes. Lilia and Sebek may not be nobles themselves, but they (in addition to Silver) serve royalty and have close personal connections to people in high places, be it via friends or via family. Diasomnia is very well-connected.

Beyond superficial nobility, one can say that those in Diasomnia are noble in character as well. To begin with, Lilia has sacrificed himself for his country on multiple occasions. This isn’t limited to going to battle, but also ferrying his princess’s egg to safety, traveling the world for knowledge on dragon eggs, and going so far as to give up his own life force to hatch Malleus. And what does Lilia get for all of this? Banished from the capital, screamed at, shunned—all because he is a nobody, a bat of no status. Despite this, Lilia does not become bitter nor hateful, he instead opens his heart and mind to the world and seeks to instill others with the same wisdom. Through all the tragedies he suffered, Lilia rose stronger than ever rather than sinking to the same levels as the narrow minded senators that rebuked him.

Silver is, perhaps, the most overtly noble in character. He extols the virtues of listening and getting along with others, often serving as the peacemaker between parties (typically between Sebek and their peers, but we’ve also seen Silver smoothing things out between all of NRC and diurnal fae). He also assumes the best of others and is ready to leap into action to protect them at a moment’s notice. His kind and gentle nature attracts many forest animals to him, who can likely sense the purity of Silver’s heart.

Sebek’s brand of nobility isn’t geared at others in general but rather is pinpointed on one person (that being Malleus). He is noble in the sense that he dedicates himself to his prince. It’s no secret that practically everything Sebek does is to “live up” to perceived standards so as to not shame Malleus or the Draconia royal family—from doing well academically to dressing neatly and throwing himself into training… Sebek’s passion and eagerness is what makes him stand out. It could also be said that he fiercely defends his friends and those who have earned his respect (albeit maybe not worded in the most tactful ways). That, too, in a sense, is honorable.

Finally, we have Malleus. What can be said about him that hasn’t already been said? He is the prince of a nation, so there are many people looking to him for leadership. As such, Malleus must always conduct himself in a manner that puts his country’s best face forward and expects the same of others. Indeed, he reprimands Sebek for behaving in poor taste and instructs him to apologize to Leona, the prince of another nation. However, what is most telling about Malleus is his impetus for Overblotting. He deludes himself into thinking “this is what is best for everyone”. In his mind, he frames forcing everyone into dream states so they can stay forever and have their happily ever afters as the ��good” and “noble” thing to do. He’s definitely not doing this for himself, he argues, it’s a gift for everyone. And throughout book 7, Malleus tries to gaslight others into this belief too 💀 when bro’s already convinced himself of this and refuses to see otherwise—

[ordowrites]

when you are sad

cw: none, simple fluff and comfort, self indulgent, no pronouns used / gn!reader. slight vent, i'm sorry. established relationships.

characters: diluc, kaeya, wanderer

bad days, weeks, months are simply just bound to happen. that's sometimes how it is, and kaeya is no stranger to such things. he'd mourned the loss of family many times, and has his own, long bouts of depression.

misery loves company and he finds you out at starsnatch cliff, staring up at the endless sky and for a moment, he considers leaving you to yourself, knowing that sometimes being alone is better but he can't help but linger for a brief moment.

finally, kaeya simply elects to sit next to you and gently drapes his arm around you and pulls you close.

"it's gonna be okay." he murmurs as you slump against him. "i promise." it feels like lip service but it's all he can offer when in reality, he would take on all your troubles if it means never seeing that somber, upset look on your face ever again. he holds you closer and you rest your head on his chest. "i love you."

he never says those words out loud to anyone - let alone you, the one who caught his eye so long ago.

"i love you." he repeats, firmly. "i know it can't fix whatever is going on, but just...just remember that."

you are all the things that are right in this world - you are ambitious, outspoken, there is not a moment where you have surrendered simply because the going got tough. yet, seeing you in tears and frustrated has diluc at a loss.

your spirit is like wildfire, it burns everything in its path and here it is, damped and gone, in the wake, ashes.

"what's the matter, my beloved?" diluc is tender when he gently cups your face and wipes away your tears. it doesn't matter if you tell him or not, you'll talk about it when you're ready. "hey, hey, shhh..." he grunts in surprise when you grip him into a tight hug. "it's okay, it's okay, i'm here."

unlike kaeya, diluc isn't very good with words and he doesn't always know how to make things better (and sometimes tends to worsen things) so when you hug him, all he can do is hold you just as tightly.

he has adelinde make you your favorite food - after all, food is a love language - and prepare you a bath that you can soak in. it doesn't fix the problem, but he hopes it can at least provide some sense of comfort.

there's something about your expression that's frustrating him - the wanderer is not unfamiliar with human emotion, in fact, he understands them quite well after four hundred some years but he is perplexed by you. normally, you return his snark ten fold, you're loud, you're obnoxious, and pushy, and when he calls you an ass, you have ten times worse words for him.

"what do you want?" you ask him, tone flat. you're exhausted, he notes as he takes the seat across from you. "go away, i don't have time."

"well, i do." he retorts.

you roll your eyes. "news flash, the world does not revolve around you."

"it should," the wanderer responds, crossing his arms over his chest. "tell me what's wrong."

"i don't want to." you respond.

he snorts. "fine, have it your way." he says, grumpily. "but don't think, for a minute, i'm leaving your depressed ass alone."

"why?" you have the audacity to ask.

the wanderer, for once, does not have a proper answer for you. or a retort. he simply just stares, hopes you drop it and let it go. after awhile, he gets up and goes inside the cafe and orders you some cake and some weird sounding cold coffee. humans and their need to change things.

"a wise deity once told me that sweets can sooth the soul." he says, upon your quizzical look. "i assume she must be right."

for the first time in the two hours, you crack a small smile. and the wanderer feels victorious.

[ur-average-anime-kid]

MHA Boys on your Birthday HCs! (friends but crushing!)

Katsuki Bakugo

*He pretends to not know its your birthday even though he's had it on his calendar for weeks

*Because he is crushing and falling harder by the day he thinks that being rude or playing pranks on you will make the feelings go away so he pretends to forget till the last minute

*He probably got you more of a sentimental gift with meaning or he got you something useful or that helps your quirk (Like cream if you burn your hands etc...) then he plays it off as if he only gave it to you so you would put up a better fight against him. (but we know the truth)

*He does come to your birthday party if you have one being his cocky and arrogant self he is pretending to not have a good time but deep down he is stoked to be there for you

*He probably "insults" your birthday outfit but thats just his way of covering his true feelings for you by hiding his complements with insults but if you look hard enough the compliment is there!

*Probably spikes the punch...

Izuku Midoriya

*Unlike Bakugo he goes all out for your birthday planning a party with balloons, cake, streamers, whatever you want! If your not a big party person (me either) he makes a small get together with your close friends so your still comfortable and have a good time!

*He is an act of service kinda guy I think so he probably makes you breakfast in the morning with confetti pancakes with whipped cream!

*His gift is something you had pointed out in a mall or it is a well thought out one, Izuku seems like he would remember everything you say you like or point out (he writes it in his notebook) so he can remember to get it for you!

*His crush on you is big and noticeable so if you give him a hug after you receive his gift boy he's over the moon!

*He is the one who is all over you trying to get you to open the presents because he wants everyone to see how much better he is (even though he's sweet he likes showing up others in like a competition for your approval)

*He made your cake himself!

Shoto Todoroki

*Shoto is not a man of many words but he probably writes you a letter to go with your gift!

*He is very organized so he wrote your birthday down in his calendar so he can remember when your birthday is

*He is still pretty nonchalant but I think that hemal crack a smile for your birthday when you open his gift!

*Your gift was payed for by endeavor himself! (Todoroki stole the card) so your gift is very extra and flashy like a Dimond necklace or a pair of shoes you've been wanting!

*He attends your party but doesn't plan it, he is. more lurking in the back then living it up like the rest of your friends, he is more of a close circle of people than a crowd of people kinda guy so he requests you hang out with him alone later

*He is shy on the inside so he gives you your gift in private unlike Izuku who wants everyone to know he's more thoughtful than them

*He is that one person who doesn't eat any cake...

Tenya Iida

*He is on top of things so your birthday surprise party had absolutely no flaws and went smoothly (He has a checklist with a pencil in his ear ordering your friends around..)

*He orders your cake after grilling you on your favorite flavor

*his gift is the most practical out of everyones like if you said you needed a new backpack boom you got one with a matching pencil case or if your running shoes were breaking down he's going to buy you a new pair of the same ones plus another shoe you like

*his crushing is more like he wants to see you succeed or have the best time (he's an acts of service guy) so your party is how you said you wanted it when he asked you about it 3 months prior (he wrote it in your notes app)

*As class rep he does make sure your party is family friendly (bakugo...) so it ends at an appropriate time and has fun games instead of booze.

*He is running around the party cleaning up as it goes on so you don't have to worry about it after and you can hang out with him instead!

[arvandus]

Sick Day

Barbatos x GN!Reader

Warnings: None. Just fluff... pure self-indulgent fluff.

NOTE: Minors and ageless blogs DNI or follow or you will be blocked! While this writing is SFW, my blog is NOT.

Your DDD pinged and you peeked your head out of your warm covers to check the message with bleary, aching eyes.

Barbatos: I did not see you at RAD today.  Are you alright?

Warmth heated your cheeks and it wasn’t due to the fever.  Your fingers typed back your response.  I’m sick.

Barbatos: Oh dear, that is unfortunate.

You smiled and typed.   I’m surprised none of the brothers told you.

 You waited as you watched the ellipses appear.

Barbatos: I was only there briefly to gather paperwork.

There was a pause.  More ellipses appeared then vanished, and a moment later, reappeared again.

Barbatos: I shall bring you some tea and honey cakes.

You silently giggled to yourself and buried your face in your pillow before responding.  You don’t have to... besides, I don’t want to get you sick.

Barbatos: How easily you forget that we are different species. I highly doubt I’ll be susceptible to your cold, although I appreciate the concern.  But it does beg the question of how you got sick while being surrounded by demons...

You bit your lip for a moment and then typed.  Solomon and I went to the human world for brunch a few days ago...

Barbatos: ...I see.  Then he is the one to blame for this. I shall have a word with him after my visit.

You chuckled to yourself.  Go easy on him, Barb. It was both our idea.

Barbatos sent the winking demon emoji but nothing else.  You set our phone back down on your nightstand and once again buried beneath your covers as another fever chill washed over you, making your bones ache.

---

You must have fallen asleep because next thing you knew, you were being roused by a gentle hand on your shoulder.  The sudden presence of someone in your room made you jolt awake, only to be met by a pair of familiar green eyes framed in dark green hair.

“B-Barbatos...”

“Apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you...” he replied softly. He still held the tray of tea and cakes in his left hand, perfectly balanced, and he set it carefully down next to your bed.  You noticed two empty teacups and a lidded teapot with steam curling out of its spout.  “I had knocked, but you didn’t answer.”

A small smile tugged at your lips as you laid back down, the blanket tucked securely around your neck.  “Were you worried about me?”

His lips curled up slightly.  “Perhaps a little,” he confessed.

Then Barbatos looked at you, taking in your appearance with a slightly furrowed brow. “Hm...” he removed his white glove and placed the back of his hand to your forehead.

Your heart pounded at the sudden skin-to-skin contact, and you wondered if he noticed.  How good was a demon’s hearing anyway?

“You seem worse than I had anticipated...” he said.

He began preparing your tea for you, pulling out a small satchel of herbs from the inner pocket his RAD uniform.

“What’s that?” you asked.

“A personal remedy I put together,” he replied.  “It contains herbs from the human world that are meant to help with fever and aches.  Tulsi leaves, ginger, honeysuckle... just to name a few.”

You watched as he set the herbs into the strainer and placed it back into the teapot. You both waited as the concoction brewed.

“How did you find time to put this together?” you asked curiously.

“I prepared it before your first arrival to the Devildom. When I knew we would have human exchange students, I made it my duty to ensure we were well stocked with any possible needs in case of situations such as this.”

You smirked. “Always so prepared...”

“A fact that I am grateful for now.” His smile softened under the gentle weight of worry.  “Us demons do not like seeing you like this... it reminds us how fragile and mortal you are.”

Your chest felt tight and you placed your hand over Barbatos’s, your fingers squeezing his softly.  His cheeks flushed the slightest bit, his eyes widening at your blatant affection, and yet his own fingers reciprocated, curling around yours.

“I’m not dying, Barbatos... It’s just a cold,” you smiled.

He gave a soft chuckle. “I’m aware, but the discomfort remains just the same.  We sense time differently than you do... it feels slower, at least here in the Devildom, where change happens over thousands of years instead of decades.  We don’t always realize how quick and unforgiving it is, especially for humans.  We think there is enough time and yet there never is.”

He stared down at your hand, his thumb running across the knuckles of your fingers.  “Your species burns bright, but you also burn out much faster. It makes it difficult for us to love and even more difficult to let go when the time eventually comes.”

His confession left your heart heavy and your mind dizzy.  Tears stung your eyes.  “Barbatos...”

But before you could continue, he changed the topic.

“I believe your tea is ready...” he said with an artificial lightness.

He relinquished your hand and began preparing your cup. You watched quietly as he added honey and lemon.  When it was finished, he held it out to you.

You pushed yourself up and adjusted your position until you were sitting next to him on your bed, shoulder to shoulder.

“Thank you...”

You took the cup and sipped it. You hummed pleasantly at the warmth that followed down your throat.

“Is it to your liking?” he asked as he poured his own cup.

“Yes, thank you.”

He smiled, pleased with himself.  A mutual quiet fell over both of you as you both sipped at your teas and nibbled at your cakes.

When the cups were finally empty, the fatigue returned.  You leaned your head against Barbatos’s shoulder.

He looked down at you.  “Are you alright?” he asked softly.

“Mhm... just sleepy... “ you mumbled.  Then in jest you said, “did you slip anything else into that tea you made?”

Barbatos chuckled low in his chest.  His arm came around your shoulders in a partial embrace and he gently grazed his fingers on the curve of your shoulder. 

“I would never,” he replied.

More of your weight pressed against him as your body relaxed beneath his touch.  Slowly your head slid down into his lap, your hands pillowing beneath your cheek and against his thigh. He stiffened at first, but then breathed out a small gust of amused surrender as his hand began to pet you from the crown of your head to your arm in calming, soothing motions.

You closed your eyes.  “My muscles ache and my head is foggy,” you complained.

“You should rest,” he chided.

“I am resting...”

Barbatos chuckled. “I meant in your bed, beneath your blankets.”

“But you’re warm...”

“Your bed is also warm...”

“My bed doesn’t pet my hair.”

Barbatos laughed gently, deep and rich, and you couldn’t help but smile with your eyes still closed.

“Very well.  Let us make a truce.  You will lay beneath your covers and I will continue to pet your head.”

“Deal.”

Slowly you sat up and repositioned yourself until you were bundled snuggly.  Barbatos sucked in a quiet, calming breath to ease his nerves before he scooted next to you. He kept himself on top of the blankets, a crucial barrier between himself and you.  But you still did your best to snuggle into his side, your head tucked beneath his chin.  His hand continued its gentle treks across the parts of you that felt safest. Your body relaxed beneath his touch, and Barbatos closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent of your hair before releasing the air in a relaxing exhale.

While he didn’t like you being sick, he found this particular arrangement to be... quite nice... even if his heart was pounding wildly in his chest like he’d just run a marathon, every nerve of his body alive everywhere your body touched his.

“Barbatos...”

“Yes?”

“Your heart is beating really fast...” he could hear the teasing in your voice, wrapped up in beautiful delight.

You knew.

His own words echoed in his mind.  ‘We think there is enough time and there never is.’

‘Well...’ he thought, ‘no sense in denying it...’

“It’s because I want to kiss you,” he confessed quietly.

Your entire body tensed with bridled joy, and you couldn’t suppress the smile that spread across your lips as your cheek rested against his chest.  “I want you to kiss me too.”

Barbatos looked down at you, seeing nothing but the top of your head.

“Then look at me,” he said.

But even as he said it, it was his own fingers beneath your chin that tilted your face up to him.

Then he captured your lips gently with his, his hand cupping your cheek. Your skin still felt flushed, your breath hot with fever and laced with the scent of honey and tea.  But you hummed happily as he kissed you, and it was enough to reassure him, to make his chest warm with delight.

When your lips parted, he placed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Now rest,” he chided, “so that you can heal and I can no longer worry over you.”

You nuzzled down into your bedding in acquiescence, pressed against him.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you mumbled sleepily.

“Always,” he replied.

A minute of silence passed, and Barbatos was nearly certain than you’d fallen asleep when you suddenly spoke again.

“Barbatos...”

“...yes?”

“Can you stay until I fall asleep?”

His arm squeezed you gently and he placed an indulgent kiss to the crown of your head.

“Yes.”

[doisensei]

trans woman doi... again!

i've already made a post about this headcanon, but i wanted to revisit it to articulate my thoughts a little better. i will be referencing extra material, like tsudoi and the stageplays. i may edit this at a later date if i can think of any more points.

as always, this is just for fun! don't take it too seriously. i hope you enjoy! i'd love to hear people's thoughts about hanko-chan.

crossdressing

there are only a handful of characters that have a strong hesitation / resistance to crossdressing, doi being one of them, and... you have to wonder why, right? doi doesn't have any issues with passing as a woman as hanko, so what's really the problem? you could easily reason it's just something he doesn't care for, but if it's something he's so against, like eating fish cakes, he just wouldn't do it at all. doi has his childish moments, and this easily could be another, but... it's interesting how he ends up presenting himself once he does put a kosode on.

( eps: 30-11, 28-10 )

…doesn’t seem so against it now, huh.

crossdressing in nintama is seen as an art in itself. it isn't just a matter of having long hair and wearing makeup, as illustrated by some... less successful attempts at it. like any skill, you have to hone it! which is why it's interesting that feminine mannerisms seem to come easily once hanko is in the picture. we can assume either that it is something doi has practiced extensively before, or it comes to him naturally. either one is good.

in regards to physical appearances, it's established that doi doesn't dedicate a lot of time to cleanliness. his room is a fucking mess. his clothes are always wrinkled. his hair is damaged. but, again, as hanko, he really values looking pretty! the difference in the way he presents masculine versus feminine really intrigues me. little regard vs genuine enthusiasm...

( eps: 32-60, 30-11 )

i like this line from the 1996 movie because i think it's got a fun 2nd meaning if you see it from a slightly different angle-- hanko isn't denying womanhood outright, it's more of a dig on her age. she's not an obaasan, she's an oneesan, get it right!!!

( eps: 1996 movie )

speaking of earlier seasons, it's been interesting seeing hanko's design changes over the years. it's nothing super important to note, but just as doi's personality has changed to be gentler (though still scolding), hanko has grown more feminine.

( eps: 1-9, 13-2, 28-10 )

i like to imagine doi's tsundere-ness to crossdressing is more repression than actual disdain. doi is a very self-sacrificial character, and i think he would prolong his happiness if it meant keeping up the image of a reliable, older brother/teacher figure for his students. the guilt of preferring women's clothes paired with his apathy of men's clothes manifesting as neglecting self care... doi-sensei!!!!!!!

names

it's established in rookie that "doi hansuke" is not doi's birth name. in ninmyu 12 he's given the name "yogiri" while in his former ninja squad. doi taking on a new name make sense given his circumstances, but, conceptually, abandoning a name that doesn't serve you anymore plus the euphoria of finding one that's right is incredibly transgender. the "han" of hansuke, meaning half, symbolic of how much still has to grow, and maybe that extends to discovering things about himself, too. a bleak life rife with tragedy and violence, it makes sense that doi wouldn't know the kind of person he was outside of being a ninja.

after consulting my good very smart friend duck, doi's last name appears to be a topographical name. they came up with the idea that since doi is trying to lay low, it would make sense for his last name to be from a location rather than anything pointedly identifying. the kanji in doi, "earth" and "well" also evoke some images of support and life. someone who is grounding and providing... it very much suits him! this tweet also notes that "tenki" and "yogiri" have kanji that suggest intangible concepts, "heaven" and "fog" respectively, and it's only with "doi" that he has a name based on something concrete.

i like the idea of doi honoring denzou naming her, keeping "han" as a keepsake of her new beginnings, and choosing to live as hanko.

nurturer

in 19-90, one of my favorite episodes, it gives a glimpse of how much doi and kirimaru mean to each other. the neighborhood lady and landlord gossip over their relation, whether they’re siblings or parent and child, and kirimaru denies both. to me, doi encompasses both roles, the playfulness of an older brother, the guidance of a father, and i don’t think it’s too off base to assume doi fulfills traits commonly attributed to motherhood, too. gentle scolding, loving honesty, warm affection, that sort of thing!

i wrote about doi's natural affinity with caring for children here, but i wanted to dive a little deeper. it's pretty obvious that after five years of teaching, he's gotten used to taking care of kids, but that child rearing also extends to babies, too! kirimaru has doi help out with his part-time jobs frequently, babysitting included, and doi is really, really good at taking care of babies. don't believe me? hear it from kirimaru.

( eps: 23-51 ) look how sad she is when she has to give the baby up. i'm gonna die.

in my previous post, i talked about how easily doi would be able to settle down with a family. a wife and kids of his own, isn't that what he would want? in tsudoi, amako-sensei states that after 1-ha graduate, doi retires and opens up an orphanage. kirimaru comes by to help out. rikichi drops his own baby off. (crazy.) and while this isn't concretely canon, i see it very fitting for doi's character arc. teaching brings him a lot of joy, obviously, but considering how worried sick he gets of his students, it makes sense he would want to find another way to give back the kindness he's received in a less sending-children-off-to-war kind of way. doi values childhood, his own was cut very short. to care for children without families would bring him a lot of fulfillment.

what does this have to do with gender? well. it doesn't have to! but i just find it curious that doi doesn't seem interested in marriage or having biological children. he could just be happier single, or, in my mind, maybe there's no use in having biological children if it's not the way he really wants. doi longing to be a mother, but he doesn't have the body to carry or birth a child... we have to make womb transplants possible in the sengoku period.

movie 3 spoilers below

after my watch (and few consecutive rewatches) of the third movie, i wanted to jot down a few things i thought were fun in this section, too.

what kicks off the main events of the third movie is the fight between sonnamon and doi, in which sonnamon ends up 'winning' because doi is thrown off a cliff, thus making him vulnerable to dokutake's brainwashing (sexy). i find the circumstances of this to be very fun to examine in a gender lens. throughout the course of the fight, doi is for the most part on the defense, while sonnamon is aggressively on the offense. it's cute how doi humors him, almost treating sonnamon like a child in the playful, scolding way he handles sonnamon's obsession attacks.

there is one moment where doi does become forceful, though, and it's when sonnamon's movements threaten the safety of a bird's nest. the mother bird, pictured below, also doesn't reveal herself until she realizes the danger her babies are in. i find it incredibly fitting that the bird and doi seem to mirror each other, both devoted and only provoked when it comes to protecting their children. this comes up again at doi's light threat to happousai after he regains his memory. doi loves her babies don't fuck around too much.

( 2024 movie. )

speaking of, and i'll try to keep this brief since i want to write a full review of the movie someday, tenki is a peek at a doi without the warmth, kindness, and love of the yamadas, his students, and, of course, kirimaru. tenki is cold and calculated, yet devoted to maintaining peace. he wants to prevent the tragedy in his childhood from happening to anyone else. despite tenki's violence, his motivations are rooted in kindness and empathy, though misguided due to dokutake's true ambitions.

( 2024 movie. )

but such a narrow path is a very empty way to live, and it's clear that tenki's happiness is pushed aside for the 'greater good.' a very huge stretch here, stay with me on this one, but something that comes to mind is how some trans people will put aside their want to transition because it seems so far from reach. unrealistic or inconvenient to people around them. it's easier to do the 'right thing.' the familiar light in doi's eyes only returns once he remembers the bonds he's formed, and that despite how cruel the world can be, there's a lot of love to give and receive, too. hardships and joy go hand in hand, and i think that's very relevant to being trans, too. all to say, doi's heart is warm and big enough to care for any child in need, and i couldn't imagine a life where she isn't surrounded by babies.

( 2024 movie. )

let's glow serenely with mama.

misc

these will be little points that don't really fit in with other categories.

in ninmyu 12, when doi is describing his own image of a peaceful scenery, he uses the lyrics, "swaying a flower basket in her hand, with a smile on her face, a maiden joyfully gathers mugwort." curious.

in an interview about the design of the tenohira tenki figure, the sculptor noted that tenki's outfit is reminiscent of yamabushi... as well as binan-kazura. binan-kazura's were men playing female roles in kyogen. curious.

all credit to jellyfishlover on dreamwidth for this (who wrote a lovely review of the 3rd movie, go check it out!)-- if we assume tenki is what doi would be like without the influence of the yamadas, kirimaru, and the rest of his students, it's fair to assume that deep, monotone timbre might be closer to his natural voice, and he may be pitching his voice up. curious.

my good very smart friend azul brought up the fantastic point that the first person to recognize doi's potential as a caretaker was another woman, rikichi's mother. curious.

( eps: 30-35. )

[theshipsong]

blorboscope: basil hawkins

disclaimer: my choice of birth year and time are arbitrary and self-serving. elements of this reading come up in my selfship WIP that will be up eventually. word count: 1.5k.

i've given hawkins a birth time of around 2 a.m., which makes him a cancer rising. this may seem like an odd choice because cancer is popularly reduced to a crybaby sign, but consider its ruler, the moon, is the fastest moving planet ("wandering star") in the sky. cancer rising is restless and sensitive, not just emotional sensitivity like usagi tsukino but quick to react (and overreact) to changes around them, not so much a fiery trigger finger but a crab retreating into its shell. hawkins' wording about kaidou and big mom to killer about "biological instinct" made me want to give him one of the bestial signs of the zodiac as a rising sign to contrast the human figure of his virgo sun, and that's all besides joining the beasts pirates. appropriately, the combination of birth year and time i've given him places his moon in scorpio.

we see a lunar adaptability in hawkins' outward acceptance of his circumstances in wano: he went from captain of his own crew to a shinuichi of the beasts pirates in a remarkably short period of time due to kaidou's "mercy" of recruiting strong pirates. apoo's betrayal happened in the post-dressrosa wind down, so in those few weeks of whole cake island, hawkins has seemingly settled in wano. on the flip side, proud and stubborn capricorn sun eustass kid digs his heels in—and survives. hawkins' succession of humiliations and excuses for his choices, cancer rising too willing to bend to protect its own hide, most likely fucking kill him in the end. he's a maladjusted, overprotective cancer with nearly literal armor in how he uses his devil fruit to insulate himself from danger.

hawkins' moon and mars are in mutual reception, meaning they are in each other's signs. mars was on the horizon when he was born, in his first house, which is one reason he could be mistaken for scorpionic; meanwhile his moon is in scorpio, one of mars' two signs of rulership (the other is aries). what mutual reception does in a case like this is mitigate how unhappy mars would normally be in cancer, so despite having a soft-spoken, protective rising sign, hawkins still has teeth (or a stinger) to him seen in how cruel and spiteful he is to killer in onigashima, and earlier brownbeard on foodvalten.

on a more lighthearted note, mars rules fighting and fucking, and i think being able to keep a cool head in a bathhouse is 1) gentlemanly, like i'm sorry, i love sanji but this is a green flag for my southern belle ass, and 2) quite literally mars in cancer, a wet towel thrown over hot coals. not saying he has low or no sex drive, just that he probably expresses it selectively.

scorpio is hawkins' fifth house, and throughout his birthday the moon will conjoin venus and jupiter in the same sign. these are the two "benefic" or "good luck" planets, even in less than ideal condition like venus being uncomfortable in scorpio (being one of mars' signs). i think it's easy to leave things to fate, or wholly believe in its course, if this is the hand it dealt you. with all of the worst generation but the straw hats coming from the more dangerous blue seas, every other crew gets a two-year head start in the new world and likely had a smoother time in paradise. there's also more annoying good luck in the trines (120-degree angles) his moon forms to the two malefic or "bad luck" planets, mars and saturn. trines occur between planets in signs of the same element, in this case water.

the fifth house is related to play and pleasure, creativity for creativity's sake. setting aside oda's repeated SBS insistence that hawkins enjoys interior design, i think despite hawkins' declaration that he doesn't like jokes, he does enjoy games and describes his attack straw man cards as a game, with convoluted rules barely related to tarot that seem to mostly screw him over. i know it's a convention of shounen and especially one piece for characters to have parameters to their powers like this, but we have to remember in the real world, tarot is only about five or six centuries old. its progenitor is a rennaissance italian card game called tarocchi that had no mystical imagery to it at all. i don't think you're attracted to tarot if art and play aren't valuable to you. i imagine he has a dry humor to him he would deny is humor. well, i think he's funny as fuck for how he intervened at that sabaody restaurant; it's not like he started his day drawing cards for the fate of his crewmate's clothes, and inciting violence is generally not a good idea for any pirate on sabaody at the time, psychic or not. i think he sometimes has fun with his own ominousness and wonder if anyone in his crew appreciates it. since the ruler of cancer and thus his whole chart is here, in a context other than wano where he's really only a few notches above a hostage, he lived a life of an aesthete.

hawkins' virgo sun is in his third house, which rules communication. he isn't the most talkative of the supernovas, but tarot is a kind of vocabulary. while i judge him as written by oda to have a pretty shit "bedside manner" if he did client work, he's introduced in wano via tanishi. i don't humor modern AUs for one piece like i do for other IP, but anyone trying to make a living off of mysticism has to be a damn content creator. we're all writers because this nonsense has no form other than language (astrology = astra (star) + logos (discourse) = star talk). maybe he is this quiet because virgo is a bit more subdued, chews a bit slower than the other mercurial sign, gemini, or more likely because his mercury in libra doesn't form an aspects to other planets. he could be so articulate but doesn't feel particularly rushed to share it all, especially since we mostly see him surrounded by enemies. the tarot card that traditionally corresponds to virgo is the hermit, which describes hawkins in wano presumably separate from his crew. i disagree with this, but because of some modern astrological laziness, virgo has been equated to the sixth house as a sign that likes being subservient, but coming from a virgo moon, i think it's a sign that thinks because it intellectually understands the big picture, it doesn't need any further help or insight from others. virgo can dish out criticism and analysis all it wants but can't take what it dishes. it's a sign that can't accept help and refuses to believe it needs it, be it drake's suggestion that hawkins betray kaidou or killer's taunts that originate from pity.

the last planet i haven't touched is his saturn in pisces and his 9th house. i said this in my crocodile reading, but the 9th house is for pirates, much like the sea. it rules "overseas travel," higher education, organized religion, and philosophy overall. saturn is interesting here. the planet that finds its joy in the 9th house is jupiter, who rules pisces, and he and saturn are contradictory: jupiter expands and explores while saturn retracts and restricts. it's tragic for a pirate to 99-percent certainly die in a closed country, but with hawkins, i think more about the confounding nature of esoterica in one piece. what does tarot stand contrary to? in our world, it developed into what it is in reaction to early modern christianity. the hierophant used to be the pope; the high priestess in the waite-smith deck sits between columns from solomon's temple. happily for hawkins, jupiter barely forms a trine to his saturn from that stellium in scorpio, so this imbues his sense of "play" and humor with a saturnine seriousness, and helps his saturn lighten up by tapping into jupiter's curiosity.

i would hope a man interested in fate and fortune is interested in the past, too. in the real world, he would know this history of the tarot, so i stay annoyed that someone so tied to what is "taboo" is never shown pursuing poneglyphs, that we silly woo-woo people cannot possibly be as serious or interested in material reality as an archaeologist or a d-name who gives a shit about that d. i hope he'd be after them for the sake of knowledge rather than to find the one piece, and i'm a bit ashamed i also wrote him a bit incurious in my s/ins' imperfect memory.

(ask me about my orb opinions)

[puckpocketed]

ok the stick story is this

according to The Hockey Media, who as we know do not actually follow any teams closely so know NOTHING, ovechkin was finally hit by father time. he's finally slowing down. he's a shell of his old self. he has old man syndrome. blah blah blah

as a caps fan, i know that this is false, because our russian machine never break. he's a freak. who btw had like 13 goals disallowed or something crazy like that in the first half of last season but i digress

gee i wonder why ovechkin's goals went down? is it because his longtime center and future hall of famer nicklas backstrom retired in all but name? is it because our other top 6 center in evgeny kuznetsov had by far the worst season of his career (from point a game to not even half a point a game) and then went into the player's assistance program before being traded to the canes and then bolting for the KHL?

actually, as it turns out: no.

i mean probably those were factors, but there was another factor. a factor that many caps fans are very aware of but almost no one reported on for some reason (probably because they were too busy writing about how SiDneY CrOsBy was having SuCh an AmaZiNg season for a 36 year old despite ovechkin literally having just as a good a season the year prior at the *checks notes* age of 36. also this is a reminder that one of those two actually led their team to a playoff berth and it wasn't crosby)

ovechkin is, among other things, an elite shooter. like many elite shooters, he is EXTREMELY picky about his sticks. he has been using the same CCM model for the last 7 seasons...and prior to this season they discontinued it.

the first half of the season (roughly), ovi was constantly trying out new sticks from CCM, from Bauer, whoever. he tried quite a few different sticks. results: 8 goals in 43 games.

then, ovechkin found an independent supplier. apparently (i can't remember where this info came out, maybe 32 thoughts?), these guys have an "ovi pro curve" model based on his old stick with CCM and he bought it and tried it out. curve was identical, and it felt right to him. started using those. results: 23 goals in 36 games.

am i saying that he is going to continue on that pace this coming season? probably not. do i think that the rumors of his demise as a goal scorer are greatly exaggerated and almost surely mistaken? yes. am i optimistic that with some stability in our center depth and stability in stick choice, ovechkin will have a 40 goal season again and possibly break wayne gretzky's all time goals record? YES.

what this means for PLD our beloved failhorse wife: he's not getting some washed up old man former great on his wing. he's getting the greatest fucking goal scorer in the history of the sport. and i, for one, am excited to see what they can do together.

link i thought about this all morning during baking and while i was out!! thank you for the stick explanation and all the sources i LOVE citations i am eating them up like theyre cakes at teatime....! more under the cut but heres what i was thinking about when i read this:

thinking about how,, particular some players get about their equipment, how superstitious, it's crazy to me that a manufacturer can just do all that. if it were me and MYE special stick got discontinued id be suing for damages

i was super interested in what actually changed in the second half of the season because i saw ovechkin was back to scoring basically at-will again, so really thank you for explaining.. the bond between a hockey and their stick is so beaugtiful <3

cr-sby is my babygirl-in-law and i fear i will always be fond of him because of this, so i shall tread carefully here (pens friends look away) it DOES suck that they're not recognising your old man for his achievements while that old man gets hyped. is it like, weird anti-russian sentiment? or a more general anti-caps bias? every team fan space i dip into feels unfairly maligned one way or another - which, yeah! clenching my fist of rage.......

you spin such a tale and im VERY excited to see how next szn shakes out in light of all this and also . grabbing dubois by the scruff of his neck like i will stan either way but PLEASE dont embarrass me in front of my cool new friends kjlasdklasdkl....

thank you so much for stopping by and for the warmest welcome ever <3

[xx-alice-in-wonderland-xx]

Abby, Lev & Yara incorrect quotes 🖤

Abby, to Lev: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up! Lev: *proceeds to kick her in the shin and run away*  Yara, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Lev cute or small.

Lev: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.  Abby: Abby: I'm gonna tell him.  Owen: Don't you dare.

Abby: Today, Lev said a swear word, so Yara said that she was going to wash Lev’s mouth out with soap. Lev replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve both been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles for the past hour.

Lev, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?  Abby: Yeah, sure.  *A few minutes later*  Abby: Here you go.  Lev:  Abby:  Owen: Why am I here?

Yara: Breathe, just breathe.  Lev: I’ve done nothing with my life! I’m a failure!  Their mom in Lev’s mind: Awww, that never bothered you before.

Lev on his 18th birthday: Adulting is hard.  Lev: How do I quit?  Yara: Time travel.  Abby: Die.

Lev: When Yara was born, the gods said, "She’s too perfect for this world."  Abby: Please. When I was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

Yara: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?  Abby: Eat a nickel.  Yara: A reminder: You have retained all your skills and memories.  Lev: Eat a nickel.  Yara: Ok.

Lev: Why does everyone want to kill Abby?  Ellie: Because, goddamnit, have you seen her? her neck looks so snappable.

*the Squad cleaning up*  Abby: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away.  Lev, to Yara: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

Lev: *sneaking in through their window*  Yara: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?  Lev: I was with Abby?  Abby: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

Yara: Do you support gay rights?  Lev: I’m literally trans.  Abby: He’s avoiding the question!

Yara: What did Abby do this time?  Lev: More like WHO did Abby do this time?

Lev: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.  Abby: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.  Yara: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.  Lev: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

⬆️ (Lev’s never had a birthday cake 🥲)

Lev: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.  Yara: "If"  Abby: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

Abby: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Yara’*  Lev: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

Yara: Nice rock.  Lev: Thanks, Abby gave it to me.  Abby: I threw it at you!  Lev: Isn’t she the sweetest?

Yara: Lev! Abby got that thing on the control panel working!  Lev: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.  Yara: Yeah!  Abby: Any idea what it does?  Lev: Not a clue.

Yara: What are you two arguing about this time?  Abby: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly!  Lev: Cry me a table, Abby.

Yara: Lev isn’t answering my messages.  Abby: Allow me.  Yara: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-  Lev: *replying to message* Hello.

Lev, not understanding the concept of holidays since I headcannon Seraphites didn’t celebrate stuff like Christmas: Christmas is cancelled.  Abby: You can't cancel a holiday.  Lev: Keep it up, Abby, and you'll lose New Year's too.  Abby: What does that mean?  Lev: Yara, take New Year's away from Abby.

Yara, to Abby You know, Lev can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.  Lev: *blows airhorn at a seraphite* GET FUCKED!

this was so funny to make lmao 😭

[soggyyycereal]

ii3 ramble don’t look if you don’t want spoilers

k thanks- ANYWAYS

Taps mic… inhale….

BOT!!! Bot… bot omfmngdnbf the trans allegory arc of the CENTURY BOTT AAHGGGG

Okay well.. I mean it’s not exactly an ALLEGORY when they are literally CANONICALLY nonbinary…

JUST. Just listen. Listen to me. Okay. I know it’s practically basic knowledge that their ENTIRE arc is trans coded bUT LISTEN IF I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, THEN I’M GONNA TALK ABOUT IT OKAY…? Okay… listen…

THE GLITCHING??? The glitching… the glitching whenever someone mentions “chairs” or anything related to BOW’S, NOT BOT’S, BUT BOOWW’S PAST? Yeah. Dysphoria. DYSPHORIA!! GENDER DYSPHORIA!!! HOW?? I’ll tell you how- the feeling that’s something wrong, not knowing what feels wrong but it still feels wrong? Dysphoria without knowing it’s dysphoria… m’kay? Walk with me

We’re gonna pretend that Bow is pre-transition Bot,, right? Cuz that’s what it basically is, their ENTIRE arc is basically becoming who you are,,, A TRANSGENDERISM!!! So obviously when they’re gonna be perceived as Bow (or in this case,, birth gender), they’re gonna feel uncomfortable. But they don’t know WHY they’re uncomfortable… they’re Bow, why would they feel uncomfortable about something related to Bow if they’ve always BEEN Bow, right? Because of GENDER TRANSNESS

Anyways- moving onto when they ACTUALLY begin to realize they’re not Bow (egg cracking), this is when things began going FULL THROTTLE FOR ME. (Episodes 8-14)

Episode 8, when they finally realize that they, are in fact, not Bow…

THIS… oh my god this… being raised with typical gender norms but then finally realizing those norms don’t align with you…

OOGGHHH MY GODDDD BOOOTTTTT HHHNNGNVHDHCHSHHFHSFHDJFHF AAHAHGGG BANGS TABLLEEE

But wait… there’s more…

Episode 9… Where they begin to transition…

THE REACTIONS. ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY REAL. OH MY GOD… I only ever see the typical “yay supportive” or the “get out of my house NOW” unsupportive…

But never the overly over the top supportive… but alas… we have Goo

DON’T GET ME WRONG. GOO IS AWESOME FOR SUPPORTING HIS FRIEND WITH THEIR JOURNEY IM ALL HERE FOR IT…

But it does get to a point where that support can be a bit uncomfortable and overwhelming

Even with Test Tube at the beginning of the episode,,, with the whole chocolate cake thing… it’s a time of change and I get why she might be wary of accidentally stepping into uneasy territory, becoming hyper aware of how they’re eating chocolate cake and how BOW liked chocolate cake and doesn’t wanna make assumptions because Bot isn’t Bow

I think this could be seen as someone transitioning but still enjoying some parts relating to the gender they no longer align with… like masc people still enjoying makeup and fem people still enjoying dressing more tomboyish, yk?

Overall I think this episode can be summed down to almost everyone becoming SUPER DUPER aware of Bot’s transition, like, to the point that’s what all they see anymore. Not Bot as a person, but rather as JUST an identity (note to self I wanna talk about this later in ep 14)

I really like how it’s worded here, “you just wanted a slice of cake, and I went and gave you the whole bakery” I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WORD IT BUT LIKE.. GOD!!! ITS SO GOOD I LOVE METAPHORS

Episode 10 doesn’t really include anything other than more of the process of them transitioning,,, choosing a new voice and allat

BUT OH MY GOD PROUD MAMA TEST TUBE IM IN TEARSSS

Same with episode 11,,, nothing too much happens in relating to Bot and their transition

HOWEVER TWELVE. OH MY GOD EPISODE TWELVE

I personally relate to this one… cuz this one handles particularly fearing transitioning…

Exhibit A… They’re obviously projecting into Floory (The Floor? Idk what bros name is specifically…) here…

BUT!!! My man goes in to say that no matter how you look like or how you present yourself,, you’re still you no matter what

LIKE… okay… for me personally, when I found out I was trans I was PETRIFIED. The whole idea of becoming someone new and being perceived as someone new TERRIFIED me… Only as I got older and got further into my own transition I realized it wasn’t that bad, it was the best thing I’ve ever decided for myself!!! So having that experience here, that fear represented here means a SHITTT TON to me… Again, like with the Goo situation I don’t really know how to word it properly but it works SSOOO well… it’s unbelievable /pos

As for episode 13,, again (unfortunately) there’s nothing much I can comment on,,, other than the butterfly symbolism which was introduced in the last episode

LIKE CMONNN

OH!! And thinking more clearly/improvement of mental health that often comes with transitioning too!1!!!!

anyways episode 14… aha.. EPISODE FOURTEEN OH MY GODDDDDD /POS

AGAIN. Again.. the subtle fear of transitioning,,, that I myself have personally felt with, is shown in this episode as well…

I SHOULD MENTION THAT TRANSITIONING ISN’T ALL DOOM AND GLOOM.. Despite the struggles I mention,, it is genuinely such a life saver

ANYWAYS!! In this episode Bot struggles with the idea of coming out to their creators (parents), Test Tube and Fan… Nervous for them to see all of the numerous changes they have made to their person

THIS LINE… This line got to me- like- genuinely 😭

AGAIN.. PERSONALLY RELATABLE FOR ME… I don’t know how to describe it… again 💔… But I feel like that it’s a very real thing that a lot of trans kids go through, which is slowly experimenting and trying things out with your friends… whether it be a new name or new pronouns, usually people would test them out first with their friends, which is exactly what Bot did (even if they didn’t have a choice since both Fan AND Test Tube got eliminated 😭)… They tried out their new green butterfly appearance with Nickel and Balloon… their voice… Practically EVERYTHING minus their height manipulation that Test Tube gave to them

Like said in the screen shot I provided, they know that their parents aren’t going to be mad… but they hope that it wouldn’t make them sad. Having been raised with a specific vision in mind, which in Bot’s case, being built to be a replica of Bow, but then turning out nothing like her. This could be easily translated to being raised with a specific gender norm and being raised with the expectation of continually aligning with the gender you’re assigned at birth with. But then finding out you’re not. The idea of telling the people who’ve had that expectation is scary. The idea of disappointing someone with the fact that you aren’t who they expect you to be is TERRIFYING even though you know they aren’t going to be mad

which is why I SCREAMED when they got eliminated at the end of the episode

BUT OH MY GODDDDD IM GONNA SOBBB

It’s such a simple interaction BUT GOD I’VE NEVER CRIED AT AN ELIMINATION BEFORE THIS POINT IN THE SERIES… Less is more… and it DELIVERED.

It’s such a small want.. such a small need… to be accepted wholeheartedly and the thought of anything except that is so terrifying when coming out to parents… But watching Test Tube walk up to them, hug them, and saying that simple like while smiling… “it’s you” is everything and MORE.

OH!! UHM!! ADDING FROM MY POINT FROM EARLIER… Back when I mentioned about the characters seeing Bot as just as their identity rather than their full person? Here, in this episode, I bring you Cabby..

Mind you,, for a lot of the series I disliked Cabby (earlier part of the season)… BUT!! I WILL ADMIT THAT SHE HAS HER MOMENTS!! THIS IS ONE OF THEM!!

Up to this point, no one has really asked Bot what they enjoy. Not even Test Tube (again not like she could since she was eliminated- NO DISS TOWARDS ANYONE I SWEAR). During transitions, people can get very easily hung up in the process. Or so I’ve noticed with my own personal story… First year I was out as non-cis I was gifted pride stuff for Christmas 😭

ANYWAYS- my point is, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the chaos of becoming who you truly are that sometimes people forget to see you as YOU and not just as your identity, yk? So when Cabby asks Bot what they likes to do, they’re EXCITED

Anyways lgbtq community mentioned here as well

COUGHING ANYWAYS YEAH!!! This has been bubbling in my brain for a FAT while and I can’t exactly ramble to anyone about it (yet… my friend is almost done ii and oohhohohohoohh boy they are IN FOR IT/SILLY)

idk if anyone will actually read this,, but I had fun writing it all out!!!

[raccoonfallsharder]

Lark's Head.✴︎࿔⋆˚⊰⊹- a birdie [chapter two] preview EXPECTED JUNE 23 ✩ | ❤︎

18+ only MDNI | f!reader x rocket | ~20 chapters | word count: pending. birdie masterlist | fiction masterlist | navigation no use of y/n. notes & warnings below.

Rocket considers his options for escape.

Lark’s Head. A loop formed in the bight of the rope, often used to join two pieces of rope together. — Rope Office Hours Glossary.

If only Rocket could keep his mind on escape.

Instead, he keeps thinking back to you. He’d made a mistake — he’d underestimated you, and you’d played him. The knowledge ignites a vicious little fire in his belly. It would’ve been hard to walk away from three million units before your shared encounter — but he might’ve done it if he’d known you’d already been flagged and tagged by the Nova Corps, and basically under the Xandarian equivalent of house-arrest. 

But now? Now? After you laughed at him — fuckin’ tickled at the sight of the captured vermin?

He’s gonna tickle you right back, and this time, you won’t be having anywhere near as much fun.

Yeah, there’s no way he’s leaving you behind. He’ll stun you and net you, pop off that annoying anklet, and drag you through the streets. Throw you right into the cell in the hold. He wishes it was still soaked with Frankie’s piss. Unfortunately for you, it doesn’t have a bathroom, so it won’t be long before you’re in trouble anyway. He’ll watch gleefully through the surveillance cams as despair brings you down a peg or two, and all your pretty begging gets you nothing.

Because the worst part… the worst part of all this had been your stupid frickin’ smile — bright and staggering. There’s a twist of longing that keeps coiling up behind his ribs, as if some long-dead part of him had woken up and stretched and said, I want that. I want to make that happen again; I want to bathe in that pretty light. I want to make that mine. He thumps his fist absently against his vibranium-alloy sternum. It feels hollow and cold and achy beneath the thin yellow prison-issued shirt, which now sports a tear along the side-seam. 

Yeah. Who the fuck do you think you are? Laughing at him like that? 

And worse, making him want more?

✴︎Chapter Two. Lark's Head. ✩ | ❤︎ EXPECTED JUNE 23.

WARNINGS for this chapter: violence in the kyln. rocket’s even-filthier fantasies, including but not limited to descriptions of hate sex (rocket is a mean dom), bondage, edging, gunplay, masturbation (guided and not), cum-eating, humiliation, degradation, use of “slut”/”whore” (not affectionate). begging, crying, brat-taming. mentions of spanking, pussy-slapping, and blowjobs. rocket’s special brand of post-orgasm self-loathing.

NOTES for this chapter: realizing upon rereading/revising that this story does stay darker than cicatrix for quite a bit longer. true enemies-to-lovers is such an uphill battle lol. but happy endings are always guaranteed here so uhm if it helps, please remember that.

birdie (an evasive maneuvers quasiprequel)

Xandar is saved. The power stone rests safely in the hands of the Nova Corps, and our favorite heroes-for-hire get their records expunged before going their separate ways. Unfortunately, one furry little motherfucker just can't seem to keep his claws out of trouble. In a rare gesture of good will, Nova Prime offers him a get-outta-jail-free card (not that he needs one). All he’s gotta do is escort a bratty little princess safely and discreetly to her new home, halfway across the universe. Should be a piece of cake. What's the difference between a bodyguard and a bounty-hunter, anyway?

GOOD TO KNOW: no use of y/n. mcu-based canon-divergent post-vol1. true enemies-to-lovers. slowburn with fantasy flare-ups. includes angst, betrayal, forced proximity, pining, grovelling, and lightly-bdsm-inspired filth. find more specifics on the masterlist and with each chapter. happy endings always.

birdie masterlist | fiction masterlist |navigation fluff ✮ | spice ✩ | some smut ❤︎‬ | much smut ❤︎‬❤︎‬

silver stardust and silver bar dividers by @/bernardsbendystrawsblack | black rose divider by @/firefly-graphics | heart-handcuff dividers by @/strangergraphics | support/mdni banners by @/saradika-graphics | moodboard by me!

[thatmaxcontent]

I have this silly little headcanon that whenever Usopp gets self-destructive, isolative, ect, Sanji will always take him to talks. Not literally take, but he observes something is wrong and then tries to naturally meet up one-to-one.

This is, unless it's too serious. In those cases he'll be ready at the door of whatever room he's locked himself in with a plate of something easy and filling, a glass of water and a nice pleasant dessert. This is because one way to tell of it getting too bad with him is that he stops eating, sometimes mostly and sometimes altogether. He'll pretty much lock himself away, because if he steps out of that room in those states people will know something is terribly up.

When it comes to Sanji, after Whole Cake Island, methinks he found a semi-healthy way to try and cope and grow with his trauma and emotions. Unfortunately coping and growth doesn't mean you'll stop feeling terrible, so even though it might not happen as often he still does get these moments of "Ah... well... at least it is over." In which he just becomes the more quiet type. If it gets too bad he will take some time to be by himself, time he prefers to be by himself, but whenever he's ready to socialize yet not come out of the room he goes to creak the door open a bit. Usopp always goes in to provide him comfort, not that much verbally as Sanji seeks it physically by them both being present.

Where the others are worried they know they can trust the two to chime in for each other. That, in no world, means they stop helping or caring altogether, absolutely not. But they can tell when something seeks a little more than just friendly encouragement. They'll give their support as best as they can, and sometimes they're the one to give best assistance.

Still, my headcanon of Usopp indirectly trauma-dumping and the person he's doing it to feeling safe enough to do it back applies to pretty much all the Usopp relationships, especially UsoSan. I have my own headcanons for the East Blue Polycule, because multishipping is fun! But yeah, it applies there as well lol.

As a last note, the thought that Sanji sees himself in Usopp is something I will never get over. He sees a man who's passionate about specific things to no end, a man who wants to do his best yet his own self-doubt is holding him back, a man who makes foolish decisions coated by stupidity and doubt, a man who's stuck in the past, a man who's stuck suffering, a man who believes he deserves suffering. He might not see it himself, but Sanji sure sees that he is one of the most beautiful men out there. The brightest beauties of the world don't deserve to suffer, no one does aside those who inflict it upon others and enjoy it. The crew wants to be there for one another, but Sanji, Franky and Nami are the only ones who know just how much Usopp needs to find that sense of self. He projects, jokes, makes up stories, almost hopes. He looks up to the captain, with his own troubles hidden under that straw hat, and he believes he isn't worthy enough to really talk about it all. If the captain suppresses it why should he be the 'weak' one?

That is what he'll always see himself as. The weak one.

Unrelated picture, anyway good timezone hiiii!!!!!!

[papakhan]

Episode 1

Fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway. Here's all the notes I took when watching episode 1 of the godawful fallout tv show. enjoy. I'm gonna run through this with notes I made while I watched the show so formatting might be kinda weird, I haven't done anything like this before so bare with me. I will try to explain things as if you the reader have not seen the show. This is gonna be very long and heavy on the hate and the spoilers.

Content warnings:

rape

incest

gif of the fight scene violence

self harming

Things I liked:

Vault Dwellers reusing the same wedding dress and everyone who'd worn it writing their names on the inside. that's sweet

"don't lose your head" vault poster during a firefight

Johnny Cash

I like Brotherhood Clerics but they totally fucked up the ranking system

The vault dwellers just painting over the blood on the walls

Horses are canon now

Goofy wasteland urban legends like "a feral ghoul does not abide a chicken"

That's literally it. Now it's time for everything else. I'll break it down into character bits since that's what the show does

Cooper

So Cooper Cowboy ghoul man is divorced and he's at this birthday party in I'm guessing Hollywood overlooking LA. It's a beautiful sunny day :) Bare in mind that in this scene the nukes drop so Bethesda has already fucked their own lore of the nukes dropping at 9:40am in Boston would mean that it should be 6:40am in California. Sunrise in California in October is 7am, btw. So already we're fucked. Real "design documents are a waste of time" behaviour on display here.

Anyway, nuke goes off. Now let me ask you something. What's one of the most infamous things about nuclear bombs? The flash, right? A nuclear explosion is bright enough to blind a person. Fallout 4 understood this, at least a little, where the flash of light from the bomb would fill your screen even if you weren't facing it, which is how nukes work. Closing your eyes in the face of a nuke would be pointless because the light would pass through your eyelids. There's even reports of people who held up their hands to shield the light and could see THEIR BONES THROUGH THEIR HANDS. That's how bright they are. They are horrifying weapons of mass destruction.

The nuke that hits LA is not a nuke, the flash of light on Janey's face (cooper's kid and the ONE SINGLE PERSON who notices a NUCLEAR FUCKING BOMB) is more akin to a camera flash. again. she is the only fucking person who notices a nuclear bomb go off, everyone else at the party is distracted by a TV of all things.

In the time between the ""flash"" of the bomb here's everything that happens before Cooper and co feel the shockwave

Janey notices the pathetic flash and looks up.

She holds up her thumb in the "vault boy" way

Cooper comes out of the house and walks over to Janey

He crouches down beside her and says some bullshit along the lines of "i got some cake for my favourite cowgirl"

Janey says "was it your thumb or my thumb?"

Cooper looks towards the source of the nuke and slowly stands up, watching it for a moment

He says "that's just a fire janey" as the smoke unfurls into a very obvious mushroom cloud

He realises that it was not. just a fire

then they get hit by a shockwave

This takes almost a full minute and none of the segments is supposed to be slow motion. Listen I know that light moves faster than sound and heat but come on. It's way too slow and also. dead fucking silent. also the shockwave comes before the mushroom cloud but who cares.

Anyway cooper gets on a horse with the girl and rides off down the road in the direction of LA. good job dude.

I've already read up about yknow who it was who wanted the nukes fired and I know that it was Barb who wanted the nukes dropped on America for?? vault tec profit??? so uh. why did she let Janey go to a birthday party with Cooper?

Lucy

x3 Incest jokes may not seem like a lot but it was 3 too many for me. I hate the "good karma" noise that played when Lucy got arranged married. I said I liked the vault poster of "don't lose your head" but I hate the way Lucy keeps getting her inspiration from Vault Boy I'm sorry but its annoying and dumb to me. Interconnected vaults in LA is also. dumb. you're telling me The Master didn't notice these fucking things? you're kidding. Look at it, it's not even hidden in a cave or anything its just out in the open.

Way to retroactively make the Master look like a moron, though I know they do this to Mr House later on. ugh.

Her intro makes it sound like she's supposed to have Tagged Skills in repair, speech and science but she displays none of this in the later episodes I have seen, in fact her speech seems like utter dogshit so what was the point in introducing her in a "game protag" way if none of that was gonna get used later?

Anyway, lets get onto the raiders. If you know me, you know I love raiders. They're a cool and interesting critique of individualism and "might makes right" and also aesthetically just kind of fuck.

Now, knowing what I know about Moldaver and her being the current ?leader of the NCR remnants, that implies that the people she has led into Vault 33 are former NCR citizens or soldiers, right? right?

So the ""fall of shady sands"" according to the show is 2277 and yeah sure okay that's during new vegas' time and sure okay right todd howard promised that this didn't de-canonise fallout new vegas. however. it's 2296 meaning it's been 19 years since Shady Sand's.......decline. and 15 years since New Vegas where we last saw the NCR. And i know that the NCR aren't exactly the good guys To suggest that in less than 20 years the citizens of shady sands have been reduced to Bethesda-style raiders who:

Are unable to use utensils such as knives and forks

Can't grow crops

Don't know how to use cups

Will rape a woman, wipe his dick on a curtain, and then try to murder said woman

Shoveling fistfuls of cake into their mouth during a firefight

Threatening a pregnant woman

In another episode one of these guys is interrogated/interviews and shows their asshole to the guy talking to him.

is fucking ludicrous

Anyway Monty looks like Jerma

RIP

Anywayyyy how come only Lucy's pipboy picked up on the radiation from these outsiders huh? everyone else was wearing a pipboy during the wedding, they sat next to each other, those geigar counters would have been going off. what? they had them on silent out of respect of a good Christian wedding? if you try to convince me that's the explanation I will eat your liver. Bethesda raider style

anyway no.2 girlypop (lucy) straight up pulls a knife out of her wound which is medical petpeeve no.9394328 for me but then its immediately resolved by a stimpak. I hate how stimpaks in the show are used exactly how they are in the game. I was under the impression that it was a video game mechanic and not how it actually worked in the narrative. What's next? Jet gives me extra action points or some shit? I'm so tired

the fight scene sucked. the choreography of the raider guy shooting a vault dweller through the head of another vault dweller just kind of looked like shit and seemed impractical, clearly just there to be like WOAH THATS COOL it wasn't cool it looked clunky and weird. do not fucking tell me that fallout is supposed to be clunky and weird I will kill you.

the doors cutting the raider in half was also dumb since its been routinely established that the dull and ominous "thunk. thunk. thunk" heard deep in the bowels of a vault is a door that's trying to close but there's something stuck under it, if they could just slice a whole man in half then they could cut through a table or skeleton in game. Also irl I'm a health and safety officer and that moment made my toes curl. lol

It jumps from Lucy to Max and then back to lucy but I'm just gonna continue talking about her shit here. quick fire round because I've been yapping too long already

Her little brother looks way too old to be acting like a teenager this much.

Chet (Lucy's cousin and ex boyfriend. gross) wants to come with her thank god he doesn't

why doesn't she give a shit about the sky

Why doesn't she give a shit about the ocean

Maximus

"stupid blimp is back" is at the very top of my notes, lol. anyway I still don't understand where they got this thing from

Latrines made out of stacks of tires is so dumb. like I cant even explain how dumb that is. surely rubber has better use for that. surely. just shit in a hole in the ground like everyone else please for the love of god

I know the twist with Daine and let it be said, having your first on screen transgender character cut themselves with razors to get out of the military is not, in fact, Bethesda trying to be on the side of transgender people, it is in fact them making fun of us, okay? do we understand?

hiding baby max is a fridge made me so angry I blacked out. do not remind me of "kid in a fridge" ever again.

Anyway Bethesda finds it so difficult to keep the BOS consistent to the point that they are all so different from each other with little to no explanation as to why they've changed so much. In fact it feels like to me that at some point between fallout 3 and fallout 4 Bethesda has totally mixed up the BOS and the Enclave, since now the BOS hate ghouls for no reason and want to colonise the wasteland. This is just that again. Once more, no design doc behaviour.

Quotes from the BOS i think suck ass

"Duty of the Brotherhood of Steel is to secure the wasteland"

"Flesh is weak by steel endures"

"Violence is a tool we use it to bring order to the wasteland"

When Max is getting interrogated for being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors, mentions "send me to Eden or wherever" and it confused me so much. The only Eden I knew about was John Henry Eden from Fallout 3. Turns out I think what they're trying to reference is New Eden a BOS base from. Fallout Brotherhood of Steel 2?? of all fucking things?? really strange I can't imagine what else he could possibly be referencing though. This is literally just thrown in for the loreheads and I hate it.

Anyway after being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors and also failing his classes Max gets a promotion! this is not explained. They also brand him which people a lot smarter than me have discussed at length about why branding a black guy on screen in your fallout show is a bad idea. Read it here.

I don't really understand why the BOS all do shit in latin now, I know some of them had latin names in fo1 but IIRC Frank Horrigan of the Enclave was the only person in the og games who spoke latin. it feels like Bethesda wanting to capture the interest of people who liked the Legion. maybe that's a reach but given how much right wing propaganda is in the coming episodes I wouldn't put it past them.

Cooper again

I am not calling this idiot The Ghoul that's fucking dumb. what like he's the only one? ever? dumb. whats up with him being buried huh? did Todd not want to tell Nolan that ghouls arent actually zombies and arent actually undead? that just wanted him to jump out a coffin because oooh spooky zombie. honestly just kill me.

My notes: "Don't tell me the ghoul is in that grave I can't take it"

this guy gets dug up once a year and gets pieces of him cut off and put back?? why? for what purpose? how is he down there without eating or drinking? is it a kid in a fridge moment where ghouls don't need to eat or drink, well he drinks a whole lot of water in episode 3 so that's afucking lie. get real. the glowing IV? what is that??

the yodelling is really gonna piss me off, isn't it.

Not him ending the episode on the same quote he said to his daughter. whatever.

Rating: 3/10

[nugatorysheep]

Case-oh voice: Oh buddy dont get me started....

Okay let's start with the #1 thing i see everywhere that pisses me off. Sometimes I make ~spicy~ content of my rat bastards for fun. Sometimes very stupid, unobservant people like to throw a bitch fit over it because they clearly never paid any attention to anything about my characters or the stories I made for them. So let's make one thing incredibly fucking obvious for the poor dumbasses out there still struggling:

Im tired of dispelling the same assumptions about my characters over and over and over again, and it's not like i don't make it real fucking easy to learn literally whatever you want about them. There's several docs that are fully public and ENTIRE COMICS AND FICS about them that are free to read whenever you want!!!

and like, I get annoyed by a lot of the dumb shit i hear people say about my art or my characters, but this... this takes the cake for the thing that triggers me the most, because it's SO OBVIOUS that people who think any of those guys has ever been drawn by me as a child in any explicit scenario has just... NEVER engaged with my content in good faith. They never learned a single thing about me or my characters.

And even if I did draw them as minors, why does it matter? they're not real people, and you'll never see NSFW/DD stuff from me that isn't tagged that way. I dont jumpscare people with that. if you're seeing/reading sus shit it's cause you're lookin' for it bud

on a similar note:

Did you know you can be against censorship and still be squicked by the things other people are into? revolutionary idea i know.

just cause I'm very nonchalant about what other people are doing (I have this amazing talent called being able to separate fiction and reality) that doesnt mean I personally enjoy everything that I see. Would I care if someone made foot fetish art of Druid? No. would I be into that? Not really.

Let make people create what they want, write what they want, draw what they want. not "only if it's not illegal" (there's nothing illegal you can do with someone who doesn't exist) and not "only if it's portrayed a certain way" (a good portrayal is subjective), LET PEOPLE CREATE WHAT THEY WANT. Period. full stop. That's a complete sentence.

Anyway if you use sites like AO3 and are still a pissbaby about fictional characters youre a hypocrite and you need to go back to wattpad with that shit. tired of self-proclaimed progressive leftists who never actually got rid of their religious, anti-queer puritan values, just gave it a paint job of therapy-speak and buzzwords

[acherons-blade]

i've been thinking of a way to word this post/my thoughts about how aventurine's ptsd is written for a very long time, but to be honest, the only thing i can say is that as someone who has ptsd-like symptoms, how hoyo represented aventurine's ptsd means a lot to me.

(more elaboration on how well i think aventurine's ptsd is written under the cut)

before we start off, i'm going to be talking about various ptsd symptoms as stated by the dsm-5 (source). i'm not diagnosing aventurine, but by how the dsm-5 categorizes ptsd and various things aventurine experiences, i hope to show how people can see themselves in aventurine.

first off, it's abundantly clear aventurine has gone through a lot. quite literally the first thing the dsm-5 looks into before diagnosing ptsd is:

aventurine has gone through literally all of these. from being hunted down in the desert, watching his mom and sister die, being sold into slavery, and it being implied he gets into life or death situations by the ipc (from aventurine's future saying: "When you were strapped to that electric chair by Iymanikan warlords, who was it that gave you the idea?")--to say he's been through the wringer would be an understatement.

now, here's where we get into the symptoms. it's a short scene, but upon seeing his slave chains in the maze, aventurine does experience a flashback to him first being branded upon seeing it. it's a short one, but flashbacks don't have to be very long (source). he also has it, seemingly out of nowhere, which is something a lot of flashbacks tend to feel like.

and after he gets the flashback and aventurine's future taunts him about it, he tries to change the topic and gets irritated at future aventurine trying to rub salt in the wound.

which is also something the dsm-5 notes as relating to ptsd:

and it's clear that aventurine does not have a good self-image of himself. here's just a few examples:

(source)

and negative self-image is also another symptom of ptsd that is listed on the dsm-5

and considering aventurine is also described as "reckless" by other characters (and literally tries to kill himself in penacony) as well as experiences nightmares, i think it's safe to say he has self-destructive tendencies

now considering how many of the symptoms he has that's associated with ptsd, it's really clear how people with ptsd can see themselves in aventurine, even if it isn't "confirmed" that aventurine has ptsd

however, and i want to note, something about aventurine is that he's a character who's clearly more than his trauma, even if he still is effected by it after it happened. although his self-image is that he's nothing without his luck, the fact hoyo took so many steps to humanize him makes the audience to realize that aventurine is wrong about his worth, and he is worth more than his luck.

from including the detail that he always kept his dad's shirt, despite everything's he's been through, stole his mothers necklace back because it's one of the last things she left behind, giving a gift to the trailblazer in case he never made it back, and even something as small as giving him cat cakes and a messy room in promotional material, makes him relatable and shows rather than tells the audience that aventurine has a life, his own preferences, and his own morals and wishes.

and the fact that he's so much more than just "traumatized", means a lot to me, as someone who has ptsd symptoms. i'm not going into detail for obvious reasons, but constantly being effected by everyday things really does make you feel like you can never "grow from" your trauma--especially since it's something you're constantly reminded of.

but aventurine being a character who's clearly much more than what he's gone through makes me feel really hopeful, you know? it's like a reminder to zoom out and realize there are more aspects to you than your trauma. it doesn't go away, but you can learn to live to a life beyond it, and i think that's a reminder that means a lot to me. and i love the way aventurine is portrayed because of that :)

[life-winners-liveblog]

*taps mic* Hello? Can you hear me? (Except Martyn lol imagine going from the best listener to someone who is deaf)

Hi I just got here and am being very entertained by you guys

Gri I would try to help you work through your trauma but all efforts have been futile so far so instead take this leather jacket and sunglasses (to match timmy!), a sun holographic picture, as well as these cookies 🍪 (<- those are cookies shortbread is a biscuit)

Scott, be careful try not to burn yourself out, take these paints and easels, (fake) coral jewellery, a star/night sky holographic picture, and some poppies

Pearl, I would give you something, but someone is very mean and won't let me, so I'm sending you some sunflowers, a puppy and some bones, a moon holographic picture, and a clock

*If possible, I yank on Martyn's hair* *a note then appears with the following writing* Martyn, I don’t even care about the fact that you betrayed your Scott, it made sense for you, was a good ending moment and he didn't even mind (was probably his favourite version of events that could have happened). No, I'm mad at you because of how apathetic you are. I'm sorry that you find it "easy" to move on, but others feeling emotions about their past is not weak. It's human. You are quite literally my second-least favourite person and the other person has the same illness as you but worse. You get a pufferfish, a (toy) axe, a cake, and a holographic picture that seems to change images. Sometimes it shows the sea, sometimes it shows trees, sometimes Mars, sometimes a meteor, sometimes a black hole (ooc: etc etc just all the different Martyn winner interpretations lol I'm not writing all of them)

Jim-jam! Nice to see you! You get poppies, a wooden doll, a frog and bucket, and a holographic picture of a canary

Scar! It's been a while since anyone has sent you anything buddy so you get 3 more llamas, 15 more camels, 19 more pandas and 81 more jellie cats. Oh and a holographic picture of cacti

DL!Scott you fucker you are my least favourite you apathetic son of a bitch. You get the poison effect

SL!Jimmy you get cake for being the in-between person, as well as a ghost plushie and a holographic picture of a doggo (if you look closely there's a canary)

To the rest of the losers, I'll give them some weighted blankets. One for everyone :)

-Saph <3

LimL!Jimmy: This is still not Judge Judy and Executioner... But thank you...

~~~~~~

Grian: ugh... I don't know how other me can confortably wear this all day.

LimL!Jimmy: Grian why are you dressed like me?!?! Do this mean you want to join the Bad Boys??

Grian: Uhhhhh... not really? The whispers -

LimL!Jimmy: Why not?!? You could be an honorary Bad Boy!!!

Grian: ... Fine, whatever.

LimL!Jimmy: Yeah yeah yeah!

~~~~~

Pearl: Ooooh nice! Let's see, how does this holographic thing work?

Scott: Oh they sent me one of those as well! I think... you do it like... this!

Pearl: Mansplaining moment.

Scott: What!?!? I was just... you asked...and I...

Pearl: Calm down Scott, it was just a joke... why are you so jittery.

Scott: ...Maybe the whispers are right, I do need to relax a little.

~~~~~

Martyn: Well screw you too I guess, that hurt... and I never said that feeling about the past is weak, what I find weak is letting said emotions submerge you completely like Grian does, now I have seen how he was, I saw his passion but when I look at him now I see none of that, he is not weak because he misses Scar, who cares about that, he is weak because he wallows in his own self pity and misery constantly... He couldn't have done anything differently and he can't go back to change anything so why does he insist on acting like a wet wipe.