#of pressure that i put on genders due to my experiences)

[stellewriites]

finally found some good quality men’s shirts that fit well and hide my body shape,,,, guys i think gender euphoria is real

[withlovelunette]

How to construct character psychology!

– Introduction

Hello hello! :D I’ve been very slow with my writing lately due to uni work (and some unforeseen health issues), but I’d like to still be able to make content and be interactive in the writing community, so I’m here again to share some advice based on my own experiences! One of my favourite things about writing is writing characters, specifically constructing a character’s psychology. I’d like to preface this post by saying that while I’ve had formal classes in psychology, I’m by no means any sort of expert within the field, and I also don’t believe that every aspect of how a character is written needs to be rooted in realism. However, I do want to share some insights that I got from it, and also because I feel like “character psychology” has this very mystified weight to it that makes it seem a lot bigger and intimidating than it needs to be.

So! My goal is just to share some advice on how to break down a character’s psychology and work from there! If you like what you read and would like to read more, I’ve also written a post about creating “complex” characters, which you can find the link to here! Aaand yes I think that’s about all I have to say beforehand, I hope you enjoy :,)

What do I mean when I say psychology?

Before getting into the nitty-gritty, I’d like to start with the basics, just to make sure people are on the same page when reading this post. When I’m talking about psychology here, I’m specifically referring to a character’s cognition, as in how they process information and act on it/make judgments. I’m not necessarily referring to personality in this case (although personality is an aspect of psychology, but I’m more so referring to personality as a consequence of cognition here, rather than as a collage of traits and behaviour).

Another thing I want to clarify is that exactly how much of human behaviour is nurture vs nature is a hotly debated topic that I’m completely under-qualified to take a stance on, but for the sake of this post; I believe both are equally essential aspects of human behaviour, so just keep that in mind! (I’m looking at any behaviourists in the chat rn). That being said; I’m not really comfortable treating psychology as “nature” (as such rhetorics are often used in gender-essentialist and other bigoted ways of thinking), so my main focus will be nurture, since that’s what is most readily observable!

Determining character motivation

If you’re working with very little or bare minimum characterization, my recommendation is to consider; what motivates a person to act? And by this, I’m not referring to the external quest or goal behind the character, but rather, what’s the core of what motivates your character to act at all? Even in grand, epic adventures of good vs evil, where the external goal is as simple as “putting an end to whatever evil the bad guys are doing”, there needs to be a reason a character is specifically on the side that they’re on. Multiple characters can be on the same side, but they might find themselves on that side for vastly different reasons, even when their exterior goals are the same. From there, you’ll want to consider what informs this motivation in particular.

One technique I love to employ, when still figuring out my character, is to have them make some sort of bizarre decision, a decision I’d initially think to be improbable for this particular character, and then try to list off various justifications or variables that would allow for this character to make this particular decision. There’s a couple of reasons for why I do this.

1) It removes some of the pressure to have a perfectly cohesive, perfectly put together and neatly defined character from the get-go. The drafting process isn’t just for plot and story structure’s sake, it’s also there for you to experiment with characters! Having your characters make story altering decisions that possibly challenge or contradict themselves is a great way to make sure that you’re writing active characters as opposed to more passive ones, and I think the first couple of drafts should really be a playground for you to see just how far you can stretch your characters based on their characterisation.

2) It helps me clarify what is and isn’t important in my character’s decision making. I’m a firm believer that most decisions/actions aren’t inherently in or out of character; it just depends on whether or not the readers/viewers can understand the character’s thought process behind their decision, and this ultimately comes down to how well you, as the writer, conveys the character’s priorities when they make decisions. If you’re established that a character acts based on a code of honour, an exterior source to morality and conduct, then the justifications and reasonings they would use to justify murder would likely be very different than a character who acts based on their own convictions. This is also a great way to show character development; by showing how a character’s decisions gradually change as their cognition change as they develop.

3) It allows me to explore nuance and make note of potential contradictions within the character’s way of thinking—which is often the most interesting aspects of a character’s psychology, at least in what I enjoy to write and read. Most real people don’t have perfectly cohesive morals, and most people can’t always act congruently with their morals either, so allow for your characters to make some bizarre decisions! See how far you can stretch their cognition! These decisions don’t have to be canon to the story, but it’s a good way to actually solidify what line of thinking your character makes when faced with difficult and potentially morally indicative choices.

Work your way backwards!

If you already have the overall traits and behavior of your character pinned down, you can always work your way backwards! As a pantser, this is a very common occurrence for me. I have a character with a clear goal and defined characteristics, but they’re completely uninformed so far, as I usually discover the cause of their motivation and characteristics as I write the story. As such, most of my characters don’t have any sort of backstory established until I’m much further into the process, as I discover it as I go along. So here’s some things I look out for in my character writing when creating a backstory after I’ve already established a character.

1) What are some things the character is often drawn towards? Humans are typically very habitual, a lot of us enjoy some sense of familiarity (to varying degrees depending on the person), and taking note of what your character tends to gravitate towards can be a great stepping stone to fleshing out backstory. An example could be a somewhat cold, stoic character who’s incredibly picky with their relationships due to trust issues (pretty common characterization) has a tendency to let their guard down more when around elderly people. Why is that? Maybe they were raised by very old parents, or even grandparents. Maybe it’s a cultural thing to treat elderly with more respect. Maybe it’s a religious thing. Maybe it’s because elderly people have treated them with more kindness in the past, etc. Note that this can be flipped too! Maybe this character feels uneasy around people closer to their own age, or even people who are younger than them.

2) How does your character socialize? The way a character approached social settings can often be very indicative of how they were raised, as that tends to affect how people form attachments (according to attachment theory in psychoanalysis, at least). Are they very sociable? If so, why? Is it because they’re accustomed to being around a lot of people? Maybe they had a very large family, or maybe they had a family that took part in a very active social sphere. Maybe this character just comes off as sociable because they understand the value of social connections. Why’s that? Maybe their family have a political influence, or maybe they have a business they want to sell, etc. Or maybe it’s the complete opposite; maybe this character grew up with little to no family at all, and that’s why they want to make friends and connections. If so, then maybe that affects how they make decisions, leaving them incredibly loyal and somewhat co-dependent. Even the smallest character traits and behaviours can be expanded upon to inform you of how that character was possibly raised, it’s really just about digging into said behaviour!

3) How receptive are they to new experiences or other people’s perspective? This is also somewhat linked to attachment theory, but it doesn’t have to be approached that way! The reason I bring this point up is because I find that a character’s receptiveness is often a good way to gauge their relationship with their parent. For example, a character with very strict, traditionalist parents might adopt that outlook on life because it offers them a sense of stability and security. They weren’t raised to be adaptable or to adjust themselves to new experiences, and thus have a difficult time accepting things outside of their established paradigm. This would suggest that this character likely didn’t rebel much to their parents’ outlooks on things (or if they tried, they failed), since they adopted said outlook for themselves. Another way to write this character (with the same premise) is to have them react in the opposite way; maybe they are super open and receptive because the rigidness of their parents prevented them from ever experiencing anything. Maybe the status quo bored them, or maybe they see their parents as narrow minded. This characterisation suggests that there’s possibly more tension (not necessarily in a negative way) between the character and their parents.

Interplay between morals & behaviour

A character’s morals and behaviour don’t always have to align. Like I mentioned in an earlier point, humans hold a lot of contradictions, and how people cope with those contradictions can vary. However, how do you determine if a contradiction is purposeful rather than a case of out-of-character writing?

Let’s say you have a character who views all animals as sacred, and this is something they were raised with. Suddenly, this character is thrust into a situation in a different world/kingdom/region/etc. where eating animal meat is the only viable food option to survive. They decide to do it, despite their morals directly conflicting with this behaviour.

One way this character might justify this is by thinking “well, my intentions matter most, and my intention was never to hurt animals, so while I feel bad for killing an animal for food, my intentions of doing so respectfully makes this action more acceptable to me.”

But another character in the exact same situation might not be satisfied with such logic. Maybe they see intentions as irrelevant, and only care about the consequences of their actions. If it’s been established beforehand that a character is consequentialist, then this action, paired with the justification above, would feel incredibly out of character, because the logic behind the justification is not intuitive to the reader.

Whether a contradiction feels purposeful or out-of-character ultimately boils down to what information and how much of it you’ve given to the readers, so that they have the information necessary to break down the interplay between the character’s morals and behaviour. 

Using other tools (cognitive functions, socionics, enneagram, etc.)

As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I’m very interested in various types of typology (mbti probably being the most popular and well known one), and while I consider all forms of typology to fall under pseudo psychology, I often use these tools to help me better understand my own characters better! I personally gravitate towards cognitive functions (which is not the same system as mbti, even though it uses the same letter system) as they help me put into words my character’s cognition, and enneagram, which describes behaviour and motivations that arise from a person’s upbringing and coping mechanisms. There’s other things you can take into consideration as well, like socionics, temperaments, attitudinal psyche, etc!

I’m not suggesting you use these as replacements for developing characters, but they can be great supplements when trying to dig deeper into your character’s psychology! I’d also argue that you get more out of putting these systems into use if you learn about typology and analyse your characters yourself instead of taking a test for them, but I’m also very biased in this regard, since I enjoy analysing my characters myself :,) And there are times where I’ll take a few tests to help solidify my breakdown if I’m having a difficult time labelling my character correctly. Honestly, just have fun with it!!

– Outro

Sorry for yet another lengthy post! And sorry it was a bit later than I’d anticipated, I had a much busier weekend than I thought I’d have, so I kept having to squeeze writing in anytime I had enough spare time to sit down, and then I stumbled across a series of health complications that I’m still trying to sort out. Which, speaking of, thank you so much to everyone who’s been wishing me good luck! I’m still working on figuring out what’s wrong, but I’m making progress!

As usual, my asks and messages are always open, so feel free to shoot me a message about anything! Even if I may be slower with my replies ^^; Thank you for reading! <3

[hiiragi7]

I truly believe it needs to be talked more about how like... many things that a lot of people consider gender-affirming relating to appearance including clothing, makeup, hairstyles and so on are not necessarily feasible for trans people with disabilities even if we want them.

I like wearing bras; they give me a sense of gender euphoria. At the same time, I have to be particularly careful with how long I wear them for and try to stick to keeping them very loose, because they trigger my chronic pain. I have degenerative disc disease, with the most severely affected area just so happening to be at T9-T10 - In other words, the worst pain in my back is sitting right about where the back of a bra sits. In my case it does not matter how tight or how loose whatever I wear is, unless it's a T-shirt it will trigger my back pain. My ribs also tend to be quite sensitive, again regardless of how loose I wear my clothing - it's any pressure whatsoever on that location, no matter how gentle, that triggers pain for me. I had the same issues when I used to wear binders back in highschool.

I love the look of makeup and I love how makeup looks on me, but it's also a sensory nightmare. Washing it off also often takes more energy than I have left to spare by the end of the day. Putting it on is also quite a lot of work for someone that is chronically ill & physically disabled.

The only underwear I ever wear is boxers, because those are the only kinds of underwear that are sensory-friendly for me.

Hair is also its own topic, and for quite a lot of disabled people it requires a level of maintenance that just can't be kept up with. Some disabled people can't care for their hair at certain lengths or at all; can't shower or wash their hair on their own; can't keep up with regular hair maintenance; can't do a lot of the "basics" of hair care, nevermind styling it or having it cut a different way. For some disabled people, having hair (either in specific ways or at all) also just isn't very compatible with their disabilities, such as sensory issues, trichotillomania, not being able to grow hair (due to either their disabilities directly or medication/treatments), or so on.

I'm sure there are many other things as well - others are welcome to add on, and I encourage others to talk about their own experiences with this topic here - this is just something that's been on my mind today.

[sporesgalaxy]

I’ve thought about it some more and I want to rephrase: the specific thing about the way Dungeon Meshi handles gender and autism that makes me bonkers is the blunt way the author states the differences between Laios and Falin’s treatment by the world. If Falin had been the one to try and carve out a space for the both of them, she would have been dismissed at best. But Laios was the one to try that, and for the crime of being a big autistic man, he was beaten for it. Many- most, even- aspects of this world and the real world favor men, when a gender or presentation is favored. Misogyny is extremely present in so many of our lives. But it is naive to pretend that there are no downsides to being seen as a man, especially one of color, or one that’s not neurotypical, or any number of things. Falin faces unique struggles as an autistic woman, usually internal, and usually to do with the social pressures placed on her to be seen as nothing but agreeable. But Laios faces unique struggles as an autistic man, like getting the shit kicked out of him or punched in the face or having people plot to kill him.

I’m super not trying to say that either has it better. Facing conflict because you are incapable of not presenting as exactly the kind of person you are isn’t inherently worse or better than being unable to present at all, trapped within yourself. But the way it’s presented in Dungeon Meshi is fascinating to me.

Ok so first of all I want you to know I GET IT. I HAVE SEEN HOW BAD IT CAN SUCK FOR AUTISTIC MEN IN A LOUD AND OPEN AND PHYSICAL WAY and how NO ONE FUCKING DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT because Guys Are Supposed To Be Tough and You Should Just Stop Acting Weird And Having Feelings and all that bullshit!!!!!!! I watched that happen to someone very close to me over the course of My Whole Childhood. It's fucking dismal and it makes me really happy to see a character like Laios where those struggles are front and center.

BUT! I also want to point out that your wording here, altho it is not your intention to belittle Falin's suffering, makes it seem like her/typical autistic women's suffering is wholly immaterial. Which is NOT true. It's not that Falin's emotional suffering is equal to Laios' physical suffering, it's that their autism/neurodivergence makes them both vulnerable to physical AND emotional abuse, but in different ways because of gendered social dynamics.

•••

(Quick aside: non-autistic men and women both experience physical as well as emotional abuse because of their percieved gender as well, btw. Yes, men get priveleges, but patriarchy harms them, too. You know what, this video discussing the strengths and weaknesses of The Barbie Movie actually explains it really really well. Anyways, back to the main point.)

Due to the different gendered social expectations placed on men and women, yes, men are more likely to escalate social conflict to physically fighting each other. But the same way that doesn't mean that there's NO emotionally abusive aspect to men's social punishment for being too different, the fact that women are expected to use emotionally abusive tactics to address social conflict does NOT mean that there is no physically abusive aspect to the ways that autistic women are mistreated.

The same way Laios' inability to hide his autistic traits puts him at risk for both getting the shit beaten out of him AND being lied to for purely social reasons, Falin's coping strategy of being agreeable puts her at risk for being shunned emotionally AND enduring physical harassment.

If Falin had tried to actively & forcefully carve out a place for herself and Laios in the world, dismissal is NOT the worst that could have happened to her. What Falin's childhood experience being subjected to folk rituals by her mother and rejection from the town REALLY shows us is that, if Falin was TOO unnacceptable to the people around her it would have become someone else's responsibility to "fix" or "cure" her. Her parents', or a doctor's, or a betrothed.

I'll try to find it later, but in one of the bonus comics where we learn more about the Touden sibs' relationships to their parents, one of the things we learn is that their mother tried to "treat" Falin's magical abilities using a variety of ineffective folk cures. Their mother felt pressured to do this by the townspeople's very negative response to Falin's magical abilities, which along with their father seeking advice from a Gnome, proves that the threat against Falin was not completely in Laios' head.

Falin says she saw this as quality time with her mother, but...I mean, girls with unhealthy relationships to their bodies often see childhood dieting and clothes shopping with their mothers as quality time, even if that "quality time" instilled in them a deep-seated belief that they should mistreat their bodies and view themselves as objects to be consumed. Just because Falin thinks of it as quality time now does NOT mean that there was no damage done.

In a world where her social and fiscal autonomy are already highly limited, Falin's physical autonomy is threatened by her neurodivergence, just in a more roundabout way than Laios' is.

[syekick-powers]

honestly like. the flaws in trying to universalize gender socialization aside, i think the reason why t/e/rf/s trying to claim that there are some kind of Universal Female Socialization or Universal Female Experience pisses me off so bad is like. the reason why i didn't experience a lot of the Typical Female Experiences is because i didn't fit into the standard expectations for how girls should dress, look, and behave, so as a result i was treated differently by my peers. and it feels to me that the kind of standards of femininity that te/r/fs and r/a/df/e/ms try to enforce on others match the same kinds of standards other kids put on me that i failed to match up to.

so when i see them saying shit like "all girls/women experience X!" it pisses me off real bad because i didn't experience that shit BECAUSE of the standards of femininity people enforced on me that i failed to live up to. and i know that they have standards of female experience that i just don't match. to name a few: i've never been stalked by a man. i've never been catcalled or continually hit on by men who wouldn't take no for an answer. ive never felt threatened by unfamiliar men on the streets at night. the only person who ever coerced me into sex i didn't want was a cis woman who pressured me into topping her. any expression of femininity i DID engage with was seen as a cheap, faulty imitation of real femininity that made me unworthy of anything but disdain and insults. i was constantly degendered and desexualized and treated as unworthy of sexual or romantic attention due to the way i looked (fat and gnc) and acted (neurodivergent and unapologetic about it).

so when i hear t/er/f/s crowing about how trans men and mascs are just gnc women and that they'd "love" to "help" us express masculine womanhood, i think about how so many people saw my masculinity when i was perceived as a woman and treated me as a socially untouchable freak who was unworthy of being granted the status of womanhood. like. get fucking real. you don't actually accept people afab who are gnc, you just want to say anything you possibly can to convince trans men, transmascs, and any other nonbinary/abinary people assigned female who want to or are actively transitioning in a masculine direction to either detransition or never attempt transition in the first place. you don't support female masculinity, you just want to use the Idea of it to lure us into transphobic abuse and convert us into "proper women". fuck all the way off with that shit.

[xxatinyminionxx]

[ENHYPEN Legal Line] MTL Agree to Make Adult Content With You

Genre: Smut 🔞, MTL, Reader is Gender Neutral

Warnings: Jungwon is included, but with vague descriptions that fit my comfort level writing about him.

A/N: I’ve been sitting on this draft for awhile but here it is!

Most

Jake

Sunoo

Jungwon

Heeseung

Sunghoon

Jay

Least

Jake - YES. The idea of making adult videos with you is hot to him, plus y’all would get BANK for it. Your content would probably start off faceless with SEXY oral-based content. This is because you can’t get enough of watching Jake between your legs and have to film it- Eventually you film all your in-bed activities and your channel grows A LOT becoming a major hit. Brand deals, collab opportunities, and a thriving sex life is in your future.

Sunoo - Yup. You both considered showing your kinks off in videos. The initial intention was to record it for yourselves, but you two decided to post one of the videos you were both proud of. Upon casually making a variety of content to enjoy watching back, you notice the response to the one video was overwhelmingly positive! You become a major couple in the adult entertainment world like Jake, but on the streaming side. The schedule flexibility and exhibitionistic appeal of streaming makes your intimate moments with sunoo so much hotter. Bring on the sex toys, interactive fan engagement, and bondage—I mean bonding.

Jungwon - You would run an account with him that has content galore. Some videos are short and get straight to the point while others are a bit longer experimenting with plot-driven roleplay that has been your interest lately. Due to the content you create being on the niche side, it is easily underrated until the algorithm starts taking a liking to them. Popular or not, making content never seems like a chore and you both find it enjoyable to serve your tight knit community.

Heeseung - He’s camera shy when it comes to recording your sex life for the whole world to see but wants to try because of how naughty the idea is. According to your comfort levels though, you both edit the videos so there’s a blur overlay on your faces. Oh and this man is definitely picky about which videos you post (usually you don’t post for months) but they always do so well! Expect the majority to be oral and pov fucking-based videos with a fair amount of dirty talk that gets you two riled up.

Sunghoon - He doesn’t mind making occasional mature videos, but he wouldn’t want to put the pressure of video creation on your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, he’s all about wanting to look sexy on camera but he also values a privately carefree sex life. He loves you so much and doesn’t want 19+ videos to become the forefront of your relationship. Kind of like Sunoo, your videos would be based around specific kinks like spanking and overstimulation.

Jay - It’s a big nope from him. He wants you and your sexy ways to be something that only he knows about. I also feel like he would become too self-conscious already thinking about the comments and overdo it in front of the camera to the point that it makes things less enjoyable. That doesn’t mean he won’t let you record for your own pleasure though ;)

—

©️ xxatinyminionxx 2023. All Rights Reserved.

[silvermoon424]

Unpopular opinion: when it comes to the relationship dynamic between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent girls, the neurotypical girls often act as "social correctors" (basically, people who set the rules on how certain people are supposed to act and carry themselves) because they learn social skills/rules earlier due to the many invisible expectations put on them, as well the punishments given when they aren't meant, and thus, ND later girls pick up on it due to the necessity of being socially adapt as a girl and mask, this starts earlier depending on how much a society is gendered.

There's actually been a lot of research into the fact that, for many years (and to a lesser extent still today), autism was very under-diagnosed in girls for exactly the reasons you laid out. Love and peace to all my autistic brethren, but let's be clear- girls face a lot more pressure to conform to societal standards than boys do.

In my experience, girls are also better at masking for that reason. Speaking from personal experience, I felt intense pressure as a young girl to fit in, be pleasant and inoffensive, and not be "weird." I'm not saying that boys don't face this pressure, they very much do, but it's just so much heavier for girls.

[jagibee]

Call Me Luna Info

Hello dear readers, Mari speaking!

I just wanted to lay down some basic info about my story so that things are clear

- This story will probably not include super explicit smut unless or until I become more comfortable writing it, but due to heavy discussion of sex and suggestive scenes, this is an 18+ work, so it please respect that and MDNI

- The reader has an AFAB body and uses she/her pronouns and I think at some point I will have her wear skirts/dresses, and I decided to divide SKZ in half in regards to how old everyone is compared to the reader for the purpose of honorifics, but I looped Hyunjin in with the younger half since they were born in the same year. I also might have a background for character motivation purposes, so just oc family members and their secondary genders. Other than that, I try to keep it pretty neutral including race, religion, etc. Unfortunately I am limited to my own experiences, so if you feel like I’m not keeping it neutral or I am portraying something incorrectly or problematically, feel free to say something!

- I have ADHD and will deadass forget this story exists unless I have people interacting with me, so please do!

- My chapters will probably be over 1,000 words but I’m really inconsistent other than that so good luck

- This isn’t meant to be an exact biography of Stray Kids obviously so I’m not putting pressure on them or forcing them to be together or anything, also they have less managers and choreographers and sound people just because I don’t really feel like including all of that

- I’ll update when I want

- This is my story, so if you don’t like it, you can just leave without reading anymore!

- This story will deal with physical, verbal, and psychological abuse, as well as slight substance abuse, eating disorders, and mental health issues so please don’t read this if any of these affect you negatively

- Again, I can only go off of my experience so the way the characters in this story deal with things is not meant to be the “correct way” and it may not be relatable to everyone

- If you guys have any theories or ideas for what will happen next, let me know! It’s fun to see how people interpret writing (and maybe I’ll get my next plot point idea😁)

- I really don’t know what direction this will take so I’ll be adding trigger warnings as needed for individual chapters, and if there’s something that I haven’t tagged properly, please tell me! I want everyone to have a good experience with this story

- This story will have cursing, that’s just the way I think and write (and I think we all know the kids curse off camera)

- When any character uses English, I’ll show it like “‘“this”’”

- I’m shit at titles so….. we’re doing chapter numbers, but I might add chapter names later

- Tag list is open! You can send in an ask or message me if you want in! My tumblr is a bit fucked up so I can’t really respond to replies, but I always add you even if I don’t answer

- However, being on my taglist and being able to read my work is ultimately up to me, so if you do or say something that I dislike, I have no problem with blocking you

- I am fine with comments like “can’t wait for the next chapter!” but if it’s something more like “when’s the next part😡” consider it an automatic block, sorry not sorry!

- Liking and reblogging are always appreciated!

- Really, just have fun, stay positive, and (hopefully) enjoy the ride!

Info Regarding ABO

- omegas have heats three times a year for 7-10 days

- alphas have ruts twice a year for 3-6 days

- betas have slips once a year for 4-5 days

- heats include abdomen cramping, change of the omega’s scent, a need to nest, slick, and horniness for most

- heat suppressants are common, they don’t completely take away everything, there is still usually mild cramping, change of the omega’s scent and a need to nest, though they are pretty moderate

- ruts include a stronger scent of the alpha, possessiveness, need to mark their partner or partners, aggression, headaches, and horniness for most

- rut suppressants aren’t nearly as common as heat suppressants but they can tone down a rut to only include headaches, slightly stronger scent, and a bit of aggression

- slips include betas getting a stronger sense of smell and touch and they become very sensitive both physically and emotionally

- slip suppressants are very rare and only tone down a slip by about 20% while making the beta emotionally numb so many don’t like taking suppressants even when they have access

- there are no specific alpha scents or beta scents or omega scents, but in this universe, people can still identify someone’s secondary gender based on their scent

- scent glands are on the wrists and neck but if you put blockers on the neck, the body automatically stops releasing scents from the wrist gland

- scent blockers also lessen the wearer’s sense of smell

- wrist to wrist scentings are for acquaintances, neck to wrists are for good friends, and neck to necks are basically the equivalent of saying “I want you in my life forever” which can be platonic, familial, or romantic

And now onto the masterlist!

[leveloneandup]

Christen Press is uplifting women's soccer in the business world as well.

Through RE-INC and Angel City’s community impact events, Press is making a difference in the Los Angeles community. And through panels and other events, she is growing women’s soccer at the club and national levels.

Press has done it all this year without stepping foot on the field due to injury. But she could do it because much of her influence lies beyond her on-the-field play; her impact transcends soccer as she boosts her local community and represents women’s soccer in business.

[Full Text]

Christen Press is uplifting women's soccer in the business world as well.

Growing up, Christen Press believed her value was attached to her play on the soccer field. And that put tremendous pressure on her. Standards for women’s soccer were far from where they are today, and there was no professional league. She did not know that value for a women’s soccer player could involve their off-the-field success.

“Growing up, I felt this pressure to be successful,” said Press during a panel on Thursday. “I was raised in an environment where I believed that my worth was tied to the performance, and that was an incredibly difficult environment.”

However, as women’s soccer evolved, so did Press’ understanding of the game. Fast forward to 2015, Press was playing in the NWSL for the Chicago Red Stars and represented the United States Women’s National Team (USWNT) on the biggest stage, the World Cup.

Then, Press and the United States won the 2015 World Cup, and the NWSL clubs chose to continue to their fourth year, the first time a women’s soccer league in the United States made it past the third year. The popularity surrounding the sport was rising, sparking a push for increased standards.

“We left for the tournament living one type of lifestyle. We came back, and everything was changed,” Press said.

Starting in 2016, the fight for equal pay between women’s and men’s soccer began. And finally, in 2022, payments between men’s and women’s soccer from the U.S. Soccer were required to be shared equally, as agreed on in the collective bargaining agreement (CBA).

This year, the 2023 World Cup is expected to break attendance and viewership records, signaling growth in women’s soccer. And now, Press is turning some of her attention to the club game as the next step in the sport’s evolution.

On Thursday, Press participated in a panel that the Bank of Montreal (BMO) hosted to promote gender equity. The panel included former USWNT head coach and president of the San Diego Wave, Jill Ellis, and the head of loyalty and sponsorship marketing at BMO, Sonya Kunkel; former USWNT player Danielle Slayton moderated it.

Press spoke about the push for equality and the importance of club soccer for young women, among other topics. The event took place at BMO stadium, the home stadium of her club team, Angel City.

“[Club soccer] gives visibility to the little me’s,” Press said. “Growing up in Los Angeles on Saturday, if I was able to come [to BMO Stadium] and watch a game day experience like [Angel City’s], it would have really really impacted myself and all my peers and how we understood the potential of women’s sports.”

Aside from motivating young girls to play soccer and advancing the sport, Press has committed to community impact. Angel City hosts events multiple times a month, helping the Southern California community in various ways. And the club’s commitment to such an impact is one of the main reasons Press signed with them.

“It means everything. It’s the reason that I’m home,” Press said. “I wanted to join a club that had shared values, and being in my home vocal community and being able to give back and being able to give joy to Angelenos means the world to me.”

Press also works to support her local community through her company, RE–INC. Soccer players Meghan Klingenberg, Megan Rapinoe, Tobin Heath, and she founded the company in 2019, starting with a single t-shirt. They now have a full line of products and recently celebrated their fourth anniversary in mid-June.

Press and her team rarely find themselves pitching the idea of women’s soccer anymore to investors as investors are “seeing the value” in the sport. RE-INCs growth means they are impacting the community more extensively through their membership. They are also working on expanding the company.

“We have a community, a monthly membership, where you can join to be a changemaker and find like-minded people to create change in your community. And we’re launching a new division of the business now called re-media. That’s going to reimagine the way that women are seen and experienced.”

RE-INC has partnered with multiple organizations serving the Los Angeles community and beyond.

“I think that everything that we do at RE-INC is about the connection that we have to our community,” Press said. “And every decision that I make is for the community… And this is a group of people that has phased out of so many other spaces, and we’re creating a space where people can be seen and heard and welcome.”

Through RE-INC and Angel City’s community impact events, Press is making a difference in the Los Angeles community. And through panels and other events, she is growing women’s soccer at the club and national levels.

Press has done it all this year without stepping foot on the field due to injury. But she could do it because much of her influence lies beyond her on-the-field play; her impact transcends soccer as she boosts her local community and represents women’s soccer in business.

“[Press] is such an ambassador for our sport, for women,” Ellis said. “I love what she is saying about this next generation [of women]. Can they just focus on being athletes and stop having to fight. But what I love is those athletes on the pitch, and when she gets back, she will be there as well, but they have her as an ally, representing in the business world.”

[beth-bethar00]

Normally I'm scared to release ocs into the wild but I put so much work into this one that I feel it's somewhat safe/lh. So without further ado, I introduce my oc for the game Pressure

Name: Z-12, Octo, real name only known by herself and Sebastian

Gender: Female

Age: 26

Height: Standing normally: 6’/182.88cm

Standing on tentacles: 7’/213.36cm

Personality: Kind yet somewhat mysterious

Reason for imprisonment: Falsely accused of espionage

Lore:

After her arrest, she was experimented on in an attempt to make a so-called “Perfect Spy”. They injected her with various cephalopod dna and sea anemone dna to try and make it so that she could completely camouflage herself in any situation. After months of experimenting, it was deemed a success, but not without consequences. The girl now had octopus tentacles draping from her waist and long enough to drag along the floor when she walks, almost like a makeshift skirt, as well as turning her hair into sea anemone tendrils and giving her regenerative properties. The facility never had the chance to iron out the process before the lockdown, so she’s currently the only 1 with these abilities. Although she still had her legs, the tentacles made it so she could traverse up walls and ceilings, making her a potential threat should she turn her camo on.

She’s known Sebastian since before the lockdown. They didn’t have a chance to interact that often due to obvious reasons, but they did have a decent friendship despite this. Once he broke free, she was one of the first entities he thought about to free. He offered her a job to help him run his shop for the expendables by not only helping him gather supplies, but also being a traveling shop of sorts for when he can’t get to them after they leave his shop. You can initially meet her near the beginning area, you can always find her with Sebastian, and you can find her right before boss rooms. If you happen to find her in a room where she’s not setting up shop, she’ll offer to patch you up a bit, free of charge.

Fun facts:

Her hobbies include baking and crocheting, although I'm not sure how much of either she's able to do in the facility.

She is able to get flash banged, and has different routes it can go to. 

If you flash her and Sebastian just so happens to be nearby, expect to get yoinked, nobody hurts his employee on his watch.

If you somehow manage to flash her and Seb isn’t around (he’s always watching considering how he magically manifests to yoink documents/j) she’ll pout at you the first time while saying that she hopes that was just a misfire. If you do it a second time, she’ll growl and whack you with one of her tentacles. She won’t kill the player like Sebastian would but she does take a decent chunk of hp and will refuse to heal whoever did it.

Before she was taken by urbanshade, she used to work in a daycare, so she's good with children

[a-faggot-with-opinions]

I just wanted to drop in with some links to some now-deleted but still very good articles on Transmasc Comphet (which is a term I think needs to be spread around more when discussing Transmlm social pressures)

"Transmasc Comphet (and the road to faggotry)" the original article - web (dot) archive (dot) org/web/20210109231028/https:// medium (dot ) com/@neilklein/transmasc-comphet-and-the-road-to-faggotry-62ed750f391f

"Transmasc Comphet — the Followup" - web (dot) archive (dot) org/web/20210124071417/https://medium (dot) com/@neilklein/transmasc-comphet-the-followup-46fddbda7c4

I think a lot of it is stuff you and others who discuss anti-transmasculinity already touch on but I think it's another piece of language we really should be using (even though I know someone is going to find some reason to hate us more over it). Thanks so much for everything you do on the blog my guy

Every gay trans man on the planet needs to read this.

In all my many years of being alive, there has not ever been one other article that I have read that has resonated with me even close to the way that these two have. I used to think I was either a lesbian or a bi woman and would pretend to myself that I'm attracted to women when I am now, and also was at the time, repulsed by the idea of being romantically involved with women. I remember for a while I called myself a butch lesbian because it felt like the closest thing to what I thought I was (a masculine woman).

But something still wasn't right, because I'm not a masculine woman, and it didn't feel correct even at the time. I brushed it off and kept going on with my life as one does. For a long time after that, I thought I just had a fetish of myself as a man. But I think that accepting myself as a gay trans man was inevitable after I got really invested in the FOB fandom. Now, I am a gay trans man, and I feel so much better than when I identified as bi or a lesbian because this is who I really am.

Talking to a lot of other transmasc MLM has made me realize that my story is not unique. So many baby trans men identify as bi or straight for this reason before realizing that they are actually gay. And that's not to invalidate straight trans men—they exist—but I am saying that so many of us are convinced that we're straight because as men, that's what society pushes onto us. And even before we know that we're men, we subconsciously know that we are in some sort of societal role where we should love women, which is why, I think, so many gay transmascs identify as lesbian or bi before even realizing that we're trans.

One other thing that I resonate with that Klein brought up is the fact that it's impossible to separate my homosexuality from my transness because sexuality and gender don't exist in a void separate from each other. This is the main reason that I identify as nonbinary and am uncomfortable describing my gender as a man unless I'm making it clear that I'm oversimplifying my actual experience. By saying that my gender is male without elaborating, what I'm saying is that I'm like other men in some way, and that my experience of gender is similar to other men.

But that just isn't the case for me. I tend to think of myself internally as a third gender, separate from male and female, largely due to my experiences with being gay. In the framework of maleness, I'm GNC, femme, or whatever else you want to call me that basically means the same thing. The simplest way to describe my gender identity, and in my opinion the most accurate, is that I'm gay. I am like others who are gay, and I fit into that community. My expression, then, is built around a framework of being gay.

Often when cis people talk about people like me, they tend to put our transness first, and think of our homosexuality as being something that exists because of our transness while in my experience transness and homosexuality are equally important parts of my identity that can't be separated. I am not me if I am not trans and gay. To put it in simpler terms, there might be an alternate universe where I am female due to my transness being something innate to my being that I feel would still exist even if I was amab, but there is no universe in which I am not exclusively attracted to men.

[nonbinaryresource]

hmmmm not sure how to phrase this exactly, but I've been looking through the questioning tag and thought I could try just asking specifically. (Sorry it got quite long!)

I'm pretty sure watching too many trans tiktoks did not make me nonbinary, but it sure brought up questions. Mainly, what if relating to nonbinary/trans experiences in my case is just that, relating? I'm thinking I might be nonbinary or trans, all because I suck at almost everything considered my gender, from looks to skills and so my "disphoria" is me not liking how others see me, rather than it being my body. I don't want to be my body to people first and then my person, besides I get the feeling top surgery would make me look and feel aesthetically cooler lol but that's just me

Is that a thing or I'm just extremely in denial?

Not sure if you caught the study we were just reblogging on how dysphoria and transness is not caused by "social contagion" like tiktoks, but if not, it feels relevant to link.

Researchers from the Fenway Institute disproved the theory of "rapid-onset gender dysphoria" (RODG) and determined that "social contagion" does not influence gender identity in the largest study of its kind, published earlier this month in Pediatrics journal.

"The hypothesis that transgender and gender diverse youth assigned female at birth identify as transgender due to social contagion does not hold up to scrutiny and should not be used to argue against the provision of gender-affirming medical care for adolescents," Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, the study's senior author and director of Fenway's National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center, and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

But I'm gonna focus on the idea of "what if I just relate to trans experiences but aren't trans?"

Okay.

So.

What if you do?

What?

Then what?

You...find out more about yourself?

You...discover new things about your own feelings and comfort?

You...consider all of the options and come to decide on which label is best for you to adopt?

I'm not seeing a downside here. I'm not seeing anything to panic about. The transphobes have turned exploration and experimentation into the boogeyman. Life is about exploration and experimentation. Capitalism has absolutely ruined us. It's ridiculous to expect children who aren't even done psychologically developing yet to know and pick their life path and dedicate the rest of their life to it, including going thousands of dollars in debt to get a degree if necessary. It's ridiculous to expect people to not explore and experiment and have some damn fun in life, whether that's trying out 60 different jobs to find something that they want to do or discarding and picking up a new hobby each every single week to find what they actually find enjoyable or playing around with genders/sexualities/names/pronouns/clothes/etc. to figure out their feelings and better get to know who they are.

There is nothing - NOTHING - inherently wrong, bad, or immature about exploration and experimentation in life period.

So what if you relate to trans experiences but are actually cis? So what you identify as trans now for whatever length of time and change how you label later? So what?

I am so tired of the idea that anybody knows what they are doing ever. Nobody knows! We're all just making it up! The imposter syndrome we're putting everyone through for every aspect of their lives - from their jobs to their hobbies to their genders to their sexualities - is out of control. The society we have built is not meant for people. And that's incredibly, incredibly heartbreaking.

People should be allowed to play and explore and experiment!

People should be allowed to grow and change!

People should be allowed to be confused and unsure!

People should be allowed to not know!

People should be allowed to try on identities like we try on clothes at the store!

Fuck the self-gaslighting society is pressuring you to put yourself through.

I don't care what you know for sure. I don't care if you're going by a label you're unsure of. I don't care if you're going by a label you know is technically not the most accurate. I don't care if you stuck up a bunch of identity labels on a dart board, threw a dart, and decided to identify as that one. I'm here for you. The messy, confused, complex, hard to understand you. The real you.

Could it be a thing that you relate to trans experiences, don't really relate to cis experiences, and yet are cis? Sure. (Slightly tangential, but I think you might get some food for thought out of this piece of writing.)

But don't sit here thinking you have to identify as cis because you don't have "proof" of being trans. That's not a thing. It's just what the transphobes want you to think. You can identify as any damn thing you want (let's avoid cultural appropriation, though!), even if you're only 0.5% thinking you might be that thing.

If you think you might be nonbinary, practice not giving into the thoughts like "but I can't really be nonbinary because I'm only just now thinking about it". Practice letting yourself try out being nonbinary! For at least several months, unless it's just too terrible and you realize right away that it's not right for you. Don't debate on this or put yourself through a court of law or beat yourself down. Just let yourself be nonbinary. In a couple months, then come back to the questions of "is this right for me?".

And there is no "right" or "wrong" reason to identify with whatever identity. Some people identify as nonbinary because they have a very specific, pinpointable, non-binary gender. Others identify as nonbinary because they're not really sure but nonbinary makes them the most comfortable. Others identify as nonbinary because they want to be nonbinary. Others identify as nonbinary because they don't relate to or don't understand or don't want to identify with the binarily gendered structure of our society. Whatever your reasoning, it's both valid and nobody else's business (though ofc you can tell anybody why if it's what YOU want to do).

~Mod Pluto

P.S. If anything in this ask comes off as angry or frustrated, it is not with you. It is towards society and bigots who purport attitudes that harm people, even if in seemingly "little" ways like making them feel like they can't trust their own feelings.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 3: Faith and Religion. The films in Unit 3 are: But I’m a Cheerleader (2000), Prayers for Bobby (2009), Latter Days (2003), Blackbird (2014), The Wise Kids (2011), Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party (2015)

Today I will be writing about

Prayers for Bobby (2009) dir. Russel Mulcahy

[Run Time: 1:30  , Available on: Hulu or Lifetime with memberships (i thought I saw Hulu in a list of companies to boycott because #zionist but it is the internet and I tried to research and could not find anything…either way I watched it like someone who sails the high seas) , Language: English]

Content Warning: suicide 

ADDITIONAL WARNING, THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY 

Summary: True story of Mary Griffith, gay rights crusader, whose teenage son committed suicide due to her religious intolerance. Based on the book of the same title by Leroy Aarons.

Cast: * Sigourney Weaver as Mary Griffith, religious homophobe turned gay rights activist after the death of her son * Ryan Kelley as Bobby Griffith (this actor was the voice of Ben Tennyson in Ben 10!) * Scott Bailey as David, Bobby’s boyfriend * Dan Butler as The Rev. Whitsell, reverend for a Methodist Church Bobby starting attending because the church was safe for gays. 

__

I have a feeling that this reflection may get more personal than usual. It was strange watching this movie and seeing Bobby’s experiences with his family and finding points of familiarity in my experience with my own, despite the fact that I did not grow up religious. 

And to be clear here, when I came out, I did not get sent to conversion therapy, I was not subjected to 90% of what Bobby went through in his household but, I recognize myself in him. Bobby’s sister calls him the family favorite, Bobby’s sister calls him perfect. Bobby knows the pressure and the isolation that comes from being seen that way and knowing you are anything but. It always feels strange to complain about being the known favorite, but the slight hint of bitterness from family that you love feels fucking terrible, especially because you have no say in how people see you. A fall from the pedestal is scary, the scrutiny you are under is intense. 

Bobby has The Knowing, I did not. I didn’t realize or at least admit that I was queer until I was 22, Bobby is still in high school, Bobby is hearing his grandmother say queers should be lined up and shot. I was hearing my uncle say the same. I was seeing my father literally recoil and cover his eyes the first time he saw gay sex on screen. I knew who his friends were, and what their beliefs are, and there was never room for me to ever entertain the question. 

Bobby’s family finds out, in ways Bobby has no control over. My mother forced a confession from me about my gender identity. Bobby’s father tells him he probably hasn’t met the right girl yet, when his father hears he’s gay. My mother told me I probably hadn’t found the right boy yet after she found out I was bi. 

Bobby’s family is desperate to save his soul from hell, they put him through so many things, when he moves to Portland, his mother hands him a new Bible. I knew someone who learned that I was queer, and came back with a copy of their holy book. 

At the beginning of the film, Bobby is established to have a good, strong, and loving bond with his mother. As a kid I did too. Bobby’s family tells him that they love him, they say it all the time, and then they learn he’s queer, and they still tell him that they love but they do not acknowledge or accept his identity, they do not listen to him when he tries to share his feelings, his parents never grow. My mom has not used the right pronouns for me once since she made me come out to her two years ago, despite several conversations with me, and with a friend of hers who has a nonbinary child. 

All of which to say I know what Bobby is feeling when his parents say they love him, but make no action to change it. I feel within my soul the resignation when his cousin tells him “you all seemed so close” and when he replies “well, that’s over with”.  Bobby’s mother told him she would not have a gay son, Bobby knew she meant it. My father told me once that he could live perfectly happily without me, and I knew he meant it.  I see echos in Bobby. 

But I was not raised religious, I do not believe in heaven or in hell, and as a result, I do not know what it is to be told, to grow up with The Knowing, hearing that no matter what, no matter who you are, or how much good you do, you are doomed to suffer for all eternity for something that you cannot change. I do not know what it is to have a fear of hellfire held over you for all your life. 

I do not know, and cannot understand what it must feel like to know that your mother believes so adamantly that she can ‘heal’ you, absolve you of this sin, and understand that all the harm she is doing to you, comes from a corrupted place of love. When Bobby dies, does he think his mother loves him?

“I know my mom means well, but I don’t know if she’ll ever accept me,” Bobby tells his boyfriend, and David replies “Just don’t stop trying”. I don’t know what David went through, I do not know what he relationship to his parents was like when he came out. But having to break yourself open time and time again, having to basically beg to be seen is fucking exhausting. I do not know if David knows that. 

I both love and hate these little hints that Bobby is approaching a suicide attempt, giving away his parachute pants to his brother, dissociating during work, reaching out to people who are supposed to be in his safety network, leaving his work keys on the table. The camera work itself, they switch from a steady cam to a shaky cam as he calls David. His world is unstable, he can’t find solid ground. I like that the movie warns you that this plot point is coming right at the beginning of the film, when we see Bobby stroll along the overpass. I think it is important that Bobby thinks of moments of joy mixed in with moments of sadness as he contemplates for just a little longer whether or not it is worth it to stop trying. And honestly, because I am petty and his mother was fucking cruel, I am kind glad that the last thing we see before he decides to fall is his mother telling him she will not have a gay son. No parent should ever had to suffer the loss of their child, Bobby should not have had to die for his mother to make these changes in her thinking, but for as much as the Reverend tells Mary she did not kill Bobby, the narrative does not absolve her of the role she played in hurting Bobby. 

Now, I famously had an extremely strong reaction to a moment in 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us because it hit too close to home, so I was actually somewhat surprised that I was not having stronger emotional reactions to the first half of the film, watching Bobby be hurt. Maybe that’s because it was familiar, maybe it is because I knew to expect it, maybe it’s because I was shell shocked at hearing that Bobby’s therapy only cost $60 an hour). But hoo boy did I start having strong emotions after Bobby died. 

I was downright seething as I sat there, listening to this Reverand give a eulogy for Bobby, where he calls Bobby lost, says that he has strayed, says that he gave in to temptation. 

AT HIS FUNERAL 

AT THIS YOUNG MAN’S FUNERAL

And that anger just sat, it sat there in my chest as I heard Bobby’s mother ask Bobby’s grandma if she thought that Bobby was in heaven or in hell. Mary loves her son, Mary can not imagine a world where her son burns for all eternity, Mary needs to hear from someone that her son is at peace in heaven, where he is safe and where she can see him again. But no one will tell her that. Not her family, not her church. And it struck me too, that the way Bobby’s grandmother speaks about queer people, the way Bobby’s grandmother cannot find it within herself to say “Of course he is in heaven” is part of why I never came out to my grandmother. Now, I do not envision a world where my grandmother would have as intense a response to my queerness as Bobby’s grandmother did, but she was old southern, and my dad’s side of the family is fairly traditional. My grandmother passed away last month without me having shared my whole self with her. One of the last things she said to me before she died was that she was proud of me, I was never willing to risk losing that. I saw that fear in Bobby’s eyes when he heard his grandma say queers should be killed. I hated Bobby’s brother for not understanding how much Bobby was set to lose if he outed him. 

Initially I thought, because this movie was relatively short, that Mary would have a faster growth arc. I thought that what would make her question her faith, her belief that homosexuality is sinful, was the fact that David, a gay man, was the only person to praise her son, “he was an amazing young man”, without qualifiers. The reverend, his grandmother could not remember only the positive things about him, they had to focus on how much of a sinner he was. This dead boy. 

But I honestly much prefer that it takes Mary time to reckon with everything. That we think perhaps the needle is moving forward when she takes David’s hand, only to throw out the plate he touched and wash her hands the second he has left the house. I like that she goes to her church, and she does not find the answers she wants, I love that she goes to the church Bobby popped in to from time to time, the one that was accepting of gay people, and that she immediately picks a fight with the reverend while also needing him to calm her grief. 

You know what I love? Visible and intentional acts of empathy from someone who is very much having to put in some effort. One of my absolute favorite scenes in this entire film was the second conversation Mary has with Reverand Whitsell. He’s setting up for a rummage sale at the church, and this random, homophobic lady comes walking in to essentially debate him about his interpretation of the Bible compared to hers. And you can tell from his voice, from the stiffness of his movements, from the way he interacts with Mary that he is annoyed. I don’t think it is explicitly stated that Rev. Whitsell is queer, but he reads that way to me, because the way he handles Mary very much feels like a gay person having to explain for the 20th time why they deserve to have rights. But he is a holy man, he view’s God as compassion, and so despite the fact that he is clearly not wanting to have this conversation, he has it anyway. Because he knows that Mary is lost, and confused, and that she has no life line. And it would not be very Godly of him to turn her away. 

For/By/About 

This movie was made as a learning tool for homophobic Christians. It provides debate around the book of Leviticus a la West Wing. It feels very preachy, and I think that is because it is supposed to be.

So I would say this is a By and About piece at most, because this movie is adapted from the book, and Bobby makes the story. The director is queer as well.

Favorite Moment 

My favorite moment of the film is a tragic one, Mary is at work when the Griffith’s family gets the news that Bobby has passed. I like the build up to that scene for Mary, who is told by her coworker that her husband wants to speak with her, and that she should bring her purse. The audience at this point knows Bobby is dead, and so we know that the purpose of the visit is to break the news, and that she needs her purse because they are going to have to go recover the body. But Mary does not know this, and so, it is another average boring day at work, and one of her kids is probably here because they need money. There is no hint of anxiety or concern around this divergence from her typical work day. And she is literally in the process of pulling money out of her wallet when she sees her husband. 

My favorite moment in this movie is when Mary learns that Bobby is dead, and she cannot get out of work. Like, obviously, she is not going back to work, but physically she works behind metal gate with a mechanical locking mechanism that has to be unlocked by someone in a different location. And so she is trying to get out, she is screaming “help me, let me out, let me out, my son is dead, let me out” and all we see is Mary’s face desperate, her hands clutching at the door handle desperately trying to leave…

…and all you can see is that she’s caged. She is stuck, she is trapped. And this is a motif from Bobby’s voice overs. Bobby talks multiple times in this film about feeling alone, about wanting to be free. And here his mother is, alone, and wanting to be free. I think it is a really beautiful visual metaphor for this harmful belief Mary is stuck in, one that she needs to break out of. 

We end with Mary attending P-FLAG events, speaking at council meetings to argue for a pride day to be recognized by their town, and marching in the San Francisco Pride Parade, and it feels earned, because they didn’t rush her growth. She had to go to the Reverend so many times, she had to talk to so many people, she had to listen to so many people, before she was able to wholly change her views on homosexuality. 

Favorite Quote 

“She smiled at something I said, and I saw in her eyes that for a second she forgot what she really thinks of me. The anger never erupts. My timid nature would never allow a full fledged thunderstorm to occur. But it’s there, on the horizon…”

Like I said, there are experiences Bobby has that feel familiar to me, that ignite these little sparks of recognition, and there was no place in the film I saw myself reflected back as strongly as when I heard Bobby talk about his anger. 

Bobby holds anger, it sits around his edges, he holds his anger in. And that is me. I grew up in a household with a father who never capped his anger, he erupted all the time, he left shrapnel in his wake. I have my father’s anger, I hate that, over the years I have dedicated a large amount of energy towards tending to that horizon. 

I have never been more angry in my entire life, than the first time I came home after talking with my mother about my gender identity, and having her misgender me for weeks straight. I have never wanted to erupt more, to blow up more, to scream, cry, or die more than when she asked me to do things for her, for the household, for my grandparents, every single day, while refusing to acknowledge my identity (and not expecting any labor from my brother, but that’s beside the point here).

I am not suicidal, I have never been suicidal, but the way the anger that festered when so much work, hours of manual and emotional labor were asked of me in my disabled, burnt out body, while my family could not be fucked to fix a pronoun, fucking scared me. 

I will never know how Bobby truly felt, I will never know how much Bobby truly suffered, but I can guess, I know what emotions I carried in my body when I was being told some of the same things Bobby was, I know the toll it took on my mental health to hear my mother, two years after I told her I was bi, say that she doubted that was the case, because I just hadn’t found the right man yet. And it fucking sucked.

And I love being queer, there was a part of me that felt hollow for so long that was filled when I realized who I was. Bobby had to deal with figuring out self-acceptance and self-love from a very different starting point than me. Bobby did not want to be gay, Bobby was willing to try to be “healed”, so I cannot imagine how deep his anger, loneliness, and hopeless ran. 

Score

10/10 for how much it made me reflect on my own experiences with family and queerness. Bobby seemed like a wonderful person, and it is nothing but a tragedy that he is not with us today, just like all the other people we have lost far too soon.

[mossbark]

You are defining "gender affirming care" and "care trans people receive" and the people on the post are defining it as "care which is sought out and used to affirm one's gender".

You are correct that Viagra and HRT for menopausal cis woman are not medically exactly equivalent to HRT for trans people, but that is not the point being argued. The point being argued is that cis people also take medical actions that are primarily to make them feel better in their gender.

It is similar to the common point that a cis woman with a moustache who does laser hair removal for it is doing so because a moustache does not fit her idea of her own gender presentation; this is the same reason a trans woman might get laser hair removal.

"The point being argued is that cis people also take medical actions that are primarily to make them feel better in their gender."

The point I am actually making is that cis people are not taking Viagra or estrogen to primarily affirm their gender. They are taking them to correct symptoms of physiological dysfunction. This isn't a hard distinction to grasp.

"I can't maintain an erection, which makes sexual intimacy difficult if not impossible. (And/or) I also have concerns about high blood pressure." Viagra.

"I am suffering from fatigue, hot flashes, hair loss, osteoporosis, insomnia, unstable mood, and pain during sexual intercourse due to my body's natural hormonal cycle being discontinued as I age." Estrogen for menopause. Also, for what it's worth, there are numerous physiological risks associated with being estrogen-deficient long-term, including an increased risk of dementia.

I think it is utterly out of touch, and uncompassionate, to completely ignore all these symptoms so these treatments can be framed as being about gender identity instead of physical day-to-day functioning. Again, I cannot overstate, I am in favor of gender-affirming therapies for those who want them, but it is crucial to understand why it isn't fair, accurate, or helpful to declare apples are really oranges because they're both round fruits. Overlap can exist between treatment outcomes, but that doesn't make the treatment the same.

While I agree cis women, trans women, and anyone else who gets LHR (edit: Lazer hair Removal) likely do so for the same reasons, you're again comparing apples to oranges by saying medical intervention is similar to a cosmetic procedure. You can also get into a discussion that goes beyond the scope of this conversation about drawing the line between personal aesthetic and gender presentation, which I would argue is what most cis people are actually experiencing in these given contexts as opposed to gender dysphoria. A woman who feels ugly because her skin is wrinkling and her hair is falling out is experiencing body dysmorphia, a diagnostic category that can overlap with gender dysphoria, but also includes eating disorders. If this same women declared she felt like less of a woman because she doesn't feel beautiful, you should probably have the empathy to understand she isn't declaring she doesn't truly feel misaligned with her gender identity, but is lamenting her appearance. These are fundamentally different experiences that due to the limitations of language, may be expressed verbally in similar ways. Also, I think the discomfort *most* presented in the initial argument is wildly overstated.

My biggest contention with everyone who has engaged with my perspective is that they are prioritizing gender expression, which is reflective of their own lived experiences, over the realities of these given diagnoses. It amounts to speaking over the lived experience of patients. To put it in perspective for you, how does this argument break down if a trans woman has ED, but wants to have PIV sex with her partner? What if a transgender man, who realized his identity later in life and does not want to seek transition, suffers from osteoporosis after entering menopause, and opts for estrogen therapy to reduce bone loss? In these situations, the argument breaks down and is no longer about affirming gender. The ultimate point I am making, simply put, is that treatments meant to restore bodily function are not the same as gender-affirming care because of coincidental overlap. The targeted symptoms are different, and it is a blatant misrepresentation to claim that cis people seek out these treatments primarily to feel better aligned with their gender.

Its popular on this website to demonize the fields of psychology and psychiatry, because I suppose they can feel restrictive to people who are untrained and uneducated on why we abide by the DSM and other treatment guidelines. This conversation is a perfect example of why it requires a master's or above to even get a job in the field. It requires critical thinking, good judgement, scientific integrity, and a solid understanding to tease out the nuances of why one diagnosis over another. I think it has become common to assume bigotry is at the root of every distinction, and sometimes it is, but this particular subject is not one to take at face value.

Hopefully this clarifies why I think this conversation is getting redundant, because at the end of the day, it's an argument the OP admitted is based on their personal politics and desire to push social boundaries rather than an understanding of how the human body works.

TL;DR not everything is the same and it doesn't have to be.

[wheneclipsefalls]

I honestly don't know how to start this. I just want to say that I really love Ma Neteyam, this is the first original character love story I've read and you really made me fall in love with it completely. And I'm not just talking about the smut part, I mean, the way you portrayed the character's personality is just amazing. I started reading this for Neteyam, and I definitely didn't realize that I'm now obsessed with Kxolo. he is a natural alpha and leader, with endless patience and thoughtfulness to take care of his omega. the way you describe him makes him fascinating and i love that he respects his partner and is worried that having sex will make Neteyam feel uncomfortable with him. "Sex is not a bargaining chip, Neteyam." "I what?Did I touch you without permission?" Wow. That really impresses me.

So I was wondering if you'd be willing to share more about Kxolo? (He always calls Neteyam "little one" which makes you wonder about their size difference.) And if I'm mistaken, I don't think Kxolo is the type of person who likes to have random sex, but he was quite confident when he had sex with Neteyam, so maybe he's had sexual experiences with other people? (Whatever the truth is it's cool! I'm also eager to hear more about the parts you think are appropriate to share!

I don't want to sound too creepy, but Ma Neteyam is on my cell phone and my laptop, and I read it basically every day before I go to bed, and am sad that it's going to end soon… Also I'd love to know what you have planned for the sequel, will we see more of Jack and Kxolo fighting? Or will there be more drama between Kxolo and Neteyam? But I don't want to put too much pressure on this question.

Always looking forward to the next chapter and apologizing for my bad English, I really don't want any embarrassing translation mistakes…🥲 I hope you have a good day🤍🤍

I'm gonna put the Ma Neteyam Taglist since there will be some info about it below taglist: @kayjaydee17 @theunfortunateplace @4ashes-stuff @perfectprofessorloverapricot @creepytoes88 @young5643-blog @neteyamssyulang

Thank you so much for reaching out baby! I am always happy to answer questions about Ma Neteyam and give some insight into characters.

If I do the sequel I imagine it will adress three things

The contention between Kxolo and Jake/Lo'ak and the rest of the Sully Family

Navigating Vamai and Lo'ak's budding romance

Kxolo's rut ;)

It would be a mix between Vamai's story and Neteyam's continuing story. It's a big project to take on so even though I have an overwhelming amount of ideas, I am still trying to figure out if I will go through with it.

About Kxolo, yes you are right. There is definitely a size difference between Neteyam and Kxolo mostly due to difference in second gender. The way I imagine it, Neteyam as an omega doesn't grow much taller after fifteen much to his dismay. He is still more grown up but omega's just tend to be shorter. Even his younger brother Lo'ak grows to a massive height and fills out more since he is an alpha. The only person Neteyam really has a height advantage over is Vamai simply because she just happens to be a very petite omega (although she would take down anyone that claimed such a thing). Naturally, when you put Neteyam next to Kxolo who is not only older but also an alpha, there is quite the size difference. It's one of Kxolo's favorite things, being able to gather Neteyam in his arms so easily. Although Neteyam would hardly even admit this to himself, he can't help but get turned on when the alpha so easily manhandles him or throws him over his shoulder like he weighs nothing.

Kxolo definitely has more experience in sexual matters in comparison to Neteyam. Like Lo'ak, throughout growing up it was not uncommon for him to experiment and find himself lying with another for the night. Unlike Neteyam, Kxolo didn't have a father holding him back from exploring his sexuality with other males or even females. Jake has no issue with Neteyam being into men (the way I see it, Na'vi don't fuss so much about what genders come together) but he has always been overprotective over Neteyam since he worries that males will hurt his only omega son. Jake doesn't necessarily approve of Lo'ak's playboy actions but he eventually comes to find that it is a lot harder to stop Lo'ak from doing what he is going to do. That is why Neteyam finds himself compeltely inexperienced while Kxolo has already become comfortable with his own sexual desires and knows how to please someone else.

He understands that Neteyam requires some guidance in these matters so he tries his best to be patient with the omega. Some days though, it does baffle him how bashful and shy Neteyam can be about his own desires at his age. Regardless, Kxolo would be lying if he claimed to not enjoy being the boy's teacher, the first and only male to give the omega pleasure.

The fact that you read this story every day has me giggling and kicking my feet! That means so much to me, love! I love writing this story and it warms my heart to know that others enjoy it too. Also, your Enlgish is perfect I would be none the wiser if you hadn't said anything <3

Thank you again for your kind words! I'm always here if you have any other questions or comments <3

[diamater]

I was thinking today about an experience I had as a child, I would have been between 12 and 14 years old. My family went to a different church than usual, although it was similar to the church we usually went to - one of those large, generically Protestant churches (although not massive, due to it being a somewhat rural area). We went to this church on this day to hear a guest pastor speak.

The sermon that he presented on this day was about gender (in this case meaning biological sex) relations. I don’t know if he gave this sermon at all of the churches that he was speaking at, or if we were just terribly unlucky. The point of his sermon, with biblical evidence of course, was essentially that Christian men have the role of executive leadership in a household/relationship, while godly women must yield to the man’s decisions. He couched this point with various other points about sex-based roles: that women have their own unique and ‘important’ role of support and caretaking, and that women and men need different things from a relationship (the typical ‘men need respect, women need love’ Protestant ideology, which I had heard before at our regular church).

The worst part of this sermon was when he pulled a random middle-aged couple onto stage from the audience. He presented the woman with a large yellow Yield sign to hold. He then gave various examples of disagreements that they may have or decisions that they may make together, and at the end of every point he would gesture to the woman and ask “and what should you do?” And the crowd said with him, “Yield!,” and she was supposed to hold up the Yield sign.

She was very clearly reluctant to do this. She was visibly embarrassed and frustrated, although being a Christian and also being put on the spot in front of all these people, she did as she was instructed. Her face was red and she clearly did not want to be there at all. She looked like she wished she could disappear into the floor, angry and upset and confused all at once. At one point, she hesitated to bring up the sign, but was forced to do it once pressured by the pastor. Her husband was chuckling triumphantly and playing along easily, enjoying the exercise. It was very obviously deeply humiliating not only to her, but to every woman and girl in that auditorium.

Looking back, I wish I had walked out. I was completely overwhelmed with rage, and in my youth I did not have the clarity to choose a course of action for myself. I just sat there on the verge of tears, so sick with anger that I thought it would poison me. My parents knew how I felt, and still sat there chuckling awkwardly and trying to hush my angry whispering. I can’t remember if anyone else walked out, but nobody said anything. I wish I had stood up and left, not only to make it clear to anyone looking that I had no use for such vile ideology, but also to remove myself from that situation, from feeling so powerless and enraged and hurt.