#oh but they’re all dead. like every single one. which makes it even funnier

[maldito-arbol]

Forgot to post these little goobers with chapter 9 so here they are now, and while I’m at it, here’s a doodle dump for my tumblr peeps who are starved for content

I may or may not have been brainrotting over the gems because of the upcoming Strength chapter shhhhh

Plus a little doodle of Pozole, who you will also meet in Strength chapter. He appears in exactly 2 scenes and will never appear again but i love him so much

[poppitron360]

Hii! Can I ask for some of your more lighthearted (as in not too angsty) Leo Valdez headcanons?

1. CANNOT SIT ON A CHAIR PROPERLY

FOR THE LIFE OF HIM. YOU COULD POINT A GUN TO HIS HEAD AND HE STILL COULDN’T DO IT.

I NEED MORE FANART OF THIS PLEASE

2. Can in theory breathe fire but doesn’t bc it gives him a really bad sore throat.

3. Still reading TOA- I just found out that Leo’s full name is “Leonidas” (either that or it’s a nickname Calypso gave him, but the fandom seem to agree that it’s his real name) but he HATES it when Calypso calls him that, so my hc is ANNABETH is the ONLY one with “Leonidas” privileges. And that’s bc he’s so fucking terrified of her he doesn’t DARE appose her on it. I feel like she does use it respectfully though.

Hazel is also allowed to use it sparingly.

4. Oh yeah fuck canon Leo and Annabeth are besties and they bond over both being runaways and also engineering/architecture stuff. Leo’s DEFINITELY had a peek around Daedalus’ laptop- his design for an automaton that can house a human soul got him thinking about his mom. He always planned on maybe taking a closer look at those files but then the laptop got lost in Tartar Sauce. I know you said no angst. Whoops.

5. Leo and Hazel start a support group for demigods who have come back from the dead. Every Wednesday in New Rome. Biscuits and Orange Juice will be provided. They call themselves the “YOLTers” (You Only Live Twice- because YOLO is for the weak). Thalia is also a frequent attendee.

6. I hc him as hard of hearing after the explosion in Blood of Olympus. Specifically deaf in his right ear and chronic tinnitus in his left. He uses hearing aids sometimes and also uses ASL and Morse Code to communicate. I choose to view that as wholesome bc we need more disability representation.

7. He is a “Leonidas” ONLY at Starbucks. He then follows it up with a bunch of equally hard-to-pronounce middle names (which he completely made up) said in a rapid-fire Spanish accent and watches the Barista panic as her white ass tries to spell it all. It’s even funnier when she tries to say it back to him when giving him his order. He takes the cup (leaves a generous tip) and says “but usually I just go by Leo” and walks away.

That is pretty much my entire understanding of American culture right there-

8. Trains autistic. He loves them. In the one I’m currently reading- The Dark Prophecy- Calypso and Apollo go on a train without Leo and I’m just imagining them getting back and him being “But what kind of train was it? Standard gauge or narrow gauge? Man, I love narrow gauge trains. Did you know that there’s this place in Wales called the Ffestiniog railway, where they have this special type of locomotive where the engine- the sicky-outy bit- is like, either side of the locomotive, so that there’s no need for a turntable-“

Okay I might also love narrow gauge trains (I’ve been on the Ffestiniog railway, it is amazing) (Also that is not a typo, in Welsh I believe the double f makes a soft sound (like in “off”) and a single f makes a hard sound, more like a v (like in “of”) you learn a new thing every day!)

9. Ambidextrous but Left-hand dominant (Often has to specify to his tool belt that he needs left-handed tools)

10. When speaking will put weird pauses in the middle of a sentence and not stop between sentences like talkingreallyfastwhenhe’sreally exited and talking slowly when he’s tiredit’skindaweird and choppy like hisbrainisgoing a million times faster than hismouth.

11. His favourite Disney film is Frozen.

12. When he’s comfortable around you, you start to hear more of his hispanic accent.

13. Said it before, will say it again. Headcannon no. 13 is ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL “They’re a Swiftie.”

He has to listen to music as a way of not being alone with his thoughts. I discovered Taylor at a young age, and she has remained one of the few consistencies in my life since then. She got me through some tough times (Not as bad as Leo, but she helped me survive 2020). I feel like Leo would be the same- not always knowing where he’ll be sleeping that night or if food will be on the table, he’d want comfort, stability. Taylor would be there.

14. He wakes Frank up at 3am with “Hey I can’t read that what does that say?” “…Leo you wrote this. You’re telling me you can’t read your own writing?” Little does Leo know that Percy came in with exactly the same request half an hour before. Frank is finding being the only non-dyslexic on the ship incredibly frustrating.

15. Has the philosophy “anything is a fidget toy if you fidget with it” and STICKS to it

16. If Piper sees an item of clothing with an ungodsly amount of pockets, she is contractually obligated to buy it for him.

17. Eats cheese straight off the block. Like doesn’t even bother cutting it, he just *noms* straight into the block of cheese like it’s a chocolate bar. Similarly also eats Nutella straight outta the jar, sometimes without even using a spoon (and y’all know he doesn’t wash his hands).

18. Slightly more immune to electric shocks than normal bc of his way with machines (Valgrace nation do with that what you will)- similar to how Percy, as seen in botl, is a little bit fireproof.

19. You can’t tell me that during his first quest with Jason and Piper, they didn’t at least once triple-spoon with Leo in the middle bc he’s warmest.

20. In fact, “Cuddle Leo” is a common pastime for Jasiper. Particularly when it’s cold.

21. HE. CAN. SEW.

I saw a lot of people hc that Leo makes Percabeth’s wedding rings but that is factually incorrect. TYSON makes the ring. LEO makes Annabeth’s dress. I just started this fic where Annabeth, Piper, Leo, Reyna, and Rachel all go wedding dress shopping for Leo to get ideas, but he makes absolutely the most BEAUTIFUL gown for her- much better than any store. It puts all other wedding dresses to shame.

22. He can also knit, crochet (This hc was supplied by my mum who I’ve forced to read Heroes of Olympus), weave, and do macramé. He’s gone down rabbit holes about old-fashioned lacemaking. Him and Annabeth have sewing/crafting competitions at camp and on the Argo.

23. Autistic hand-flappy stim

24. He watches Stand-Up Comedy specials with Jason. I feel like if he wasn’t a mechanic he’d be a comedian (or run a taco truck, like Jason suggested in TLH). He takes his friends to as many comedy shows as he can. He loves them.

25. A Valgrace hc but it relates- while I was thinking up ways for Leo/Jason to propose (just a regular day in my brain), I had an idea for Leo to take Jason to one of those comedy shows that does crowd-work, and sits in the front row to get their attention. When the comedian asks who they are, Leo introduces Jason as his fiancé. When Jason goes, “Wait, no I’m not!” Leo yells “WELL WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?” And gets down on one knee.

Also, sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. I’ve had this saved to my drafts and I’ve been slowly adding to it every time I get a new headcanon.

[balkanradfem]

So I made my way towards a new problem: bean weevils. I found all of my bean jars filled with round bugs that were having a merry time eating holes in them, and realized I needed to freeze it all in order to protect whatever is left. I checked my envelopes with beans that were purposed for seeds, and sure enough, they were also filled with the same type of bug. It was only a day later I thought to myself 'wait, what if they attacked the peas too? I didn't check the peas' and sure enough, they attacked the peas. I froze the peas as well, and decided to plant them immediately after.

(most of the peas got salvaged, it's okay)

This problem wasn't something I haven't been warned about; the plant lady told me to keep all of my beans frozen – everyone who grows beans keeps them frozen thru the winter, but I thought, hey, I wont have a freezer once I move out to the nature! Let's see what I can do if the problem arises.

Since the weevils made it into every type of storage I put my beans in, even completely closed jars, I knew they weren't invading, they were in the beans all along. I went to research them, and quickly found out they're a type of bug who lives only to seek out young beans plants, drill holes in the beans inside, then they put tiny eggs inside and seal it back up, so the baby bug is immediately surrounded with food upon birth, and you can't see it. So the bugs ate their way out of the beans. After staying frozen for 1 day, they weren't even dead yet, I checked and they still moved. That's annoying!

Commercial plants get sprayed by insecticide so the bugs wouldn't get on it, but that also means you end up eating the insecticide and I don't vibe with that. I'd work to find a way to resolve this naturally. I researched the bugs intensively, and every single website that wrote an article on them was obsessed with listing all the different types of this bug, and I was eventually provided with this picture:

Which still makes me wheeze, oh my gosh, to make it funnier they called this one 'giraffe weevil', and it only lives on Madagascar, and I firmly believe it's the inspiration for the Madagascar giraffe because well, look at it.

As per advice on how to deal with this, I have several ideas I can try next year:

Plant very strongly scented herbs around my beans, in hope that the bugs will not be able to smell them so they won't plant eggs in it

Put the beans thru a period of cold so the eggs freeze and possibly sterilize (like put them in a frozen lake for a week)

Put the beans thru a period of heat because the bugs don't like sudden temperature changes

Figure out if the bugs get hatched same time each year, and then eat all the dry beans before that happens

Cook beans immediately after harvesting, and keep them in tomato sauce in jars, where they're safe from bugs, and I can eat them after all the dry beans are eaten

If you have any more ideas I would love to know!

I didn't have this problem in the last few years, because the bugs hadn't yet noticed I was planting beans, so I can assume the first year I garden in the nature, I might be spared, but this will happen eventually, and I can also expect my grains to require protection. I'm actually more worried about the grain types, beans can be stored in many ways, but grain has to be kept dry.

[joezworld]

Silverliner Cults and Pet Cars

So this is what happens when @rise-comics and I are left mostly alone in a discord server.

Most of this is canon.

I like to think that the one speaking english is the metroliner cab car

[12:15 AM]and all the acelas speak french just to annoy the rest of the NEC

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:18 AM Buzz(in a Roz voice): I have not a goddamned clue what y’all are saying

📷@Jz1 and all the acelas speak french just to annoy the rest of the NEC 📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:19 AM Then they meet the one Charger who sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger

📷@Jz1 Every charger has a different accent, which really does not mesh well with the rest of Amtrak, most of whom were built in Pennsylvania or Indiana and therefore have the blandest accent possible 📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:21 AM It’s called variety

[12:22 AM]- The one Long Range Charger, currently drunk off their ass(edited) 📷Jz1 — Today at 12:23 AM It's called One train with four accents. They send a Genesis to pick up the new Chargers and he spends the entire ride home regretting ever making fun of the Acelas because at least they don't speak with an accent jesus christ this isn't in english

[12:23 AM]He gets to beech grove and is visibly twitching

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:24 AM When they’re at Chicago, the Genesis has started contemplating murder

[12:25 AM]Until one of the chargers offers up their stash of acid as a bribe

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:25 AM "No one would blame me" [Queens accent from the back] What? "Nothing!" [California Accent from the back] Sounded like something man.

📷@Rise Comics(she/her) Until one of the chargers offers up their stash of acid as a bribe 📷Jz1 — Today at 12:26 AM There's not enough acid to make this bearable

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:26 AM At some point, there probably has to be trolling involved, from the POV of the genesis

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:27 AM By the time they pass through Iowa the Genesis is spreading baseless lies about how Amfleet cars work

Jz1 — Today at 12:27 AM

The Chargers take him at his word and start setting up shrines

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:31 AM Oh god, Amfleet shrines

📷@Rise Comics(she/her) Oh god, Amfleet shrines 📷Jz1 — Today at 12:32 AM [Chargers] - We must leave offerings to THE SILVER FLEET

[12:32 AM][SEPTA Silverliner parked nearby] - The what now?

[12:33 AM]That acutally would be even funnier - they have no idea what an Amfleet looks like so they Cargo Cult the Silverliners

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:33 AM [The NJT F40s watching this happen] - dying of laughter, hard enough to derail without moving(edited)

Meanwhile the ACS-64 fleet is growing more and more CONCERN with each passing day

[12:34 AM]it is unclear whether they feel that the Chargers are nuts, or if they've missed a memo Jz1 — Today at 12:35 AM

They try to worship one of the Metroliners. It ends badly

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:35 AM

The Genesis that instigated it is either laughing, terrified, or both

Jz1 — Today at 12:36 AM That Motherfucker hopped on the first Empire Builder west and made this mess someone else's problem

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:36 AM Lol

NEW

[12:38 AM]Then an F59 just gets fed up enough to pull strings and get that guy back into Philly to beat his ass in the most Philly way possible. Jz1 — Today at 12:40 AM Poor sap arrives in Philly and the Entirety of Philly yard is like the locker shrine scene from MIB2 except they're all trying to worship some poor silverliner who is scared out of his mind(edited)

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:41 AM I can only imagine how scary it’d be to be in that situation(edited)

[12:42 AM]Or how funny it is for the SEPTA AEM-7 watching this happen(edited)

📷@Rise Comics(she/her) Or how funny it is for the SEPTA AEM-7 watching this happen(edited) 📷Jz1 — Today at 12:43 AM The entire AEM-7 fleet is laughing so hard they reverted to Swedish

[12:44 AM]The Acelas are laughing in French

[12:44 AM]The entire yard sounds like a fucked up version of Ellis Island

[12:44 AM]A single CSX engine rolls by on the bridge that goes over the yard, stops dead in his tracks, and runs the other way

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:45 AM Lmao

[12:45 AM]Woe be anyone who has to be in the yard at that moment

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:46 AM At that exact moment a Northeast regional shows up with a trainload of Amfleet coaches and a schism forms

[12:46 AM]An vainglorious RDC tries to get his own cult

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:46 AM Lol

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:47 AM No work is accomplished on this day

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:49 AM

Ah yes, the Amfleet Cult incident of 2016 is one acid trip of a comedy

Was Franz Kafka one of the staff?

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:50 AM He only wishes he was

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:51 AM Lol

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:51 AM From that point on, The Charger deliveries were done by BNSF

[12:51 AM]Surely this will cause no problems ever

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:52 AM It’s either four different accents or everyone sounds like a slightly different surfer

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:53 AM It's either very german, very california, very New York, Or very Florida (because brightline)

[12:54 AM]I also like to imagine that the brightline engines turn into Florida Engine the moment they crossed the state line

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:54 AM Yep lol

[12:54 AM]Complete with alligators

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:54 AM Fought a Gator (and won)

[12:54 AM]Fought a Gator (and lost)

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:55 AM Lol

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:55 AM Florida Engine does 'industrial quantity" of Methamphetamines, breaks land speed record Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:56 AM Florida Engine swims across port

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:56 AM Florida engine learns to swim, fights boat

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:57 AM Florida Engine accidentally kidnaps entire Panama City Police Department

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:57 AM Some guy in Lake Okeechobee says he doesn't like trains - the water bubbles and a Charger erupts from the water "I heard you were talking shit"

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:58 AM Lol

[12:58 AM]Florida Engine busted for selling fake golden bricks

📷Jz1 — Today at 12:58 AM Florida Engine arrested for selling stolen fake golden bricks

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 12:59 AM Florida Engine derails, orders Wendy’s in a nearby drive thru

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:00 AM Florida Engine steals his own wheels, puts himself up on blocks Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:02 AM

Florida Engines accidentally welded together in one consist.

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:02 AM Florida Engines try to recreate Baldwin Centipede, accidentally create a different kind of Centipede

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:04 AM Florida Engine gets drunk, tries to fly

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:04 AM Lmao

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:05 AM Florida Engine vows revenge on airplanes - claims "they've had it too good for too long"

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:05 AM Florida Engine arrested for attempted arson via spaghetti

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:06 AM Florida Engine arrested for screaming about "noodle incident" at 4AM

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:07 AM Florida Engine consumes too much NOs, recreates 2 Fast 2 Furious

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:07 AM Florida Engine jumps drawbridge - claims it was late for court

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:08 AM

Florida Engine breaks world record for fastest and longest sustained multi track drift

📷Joseph R (he/him) — Today at 1:09 AM and hits a signal

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:09 AM Florida Engine steals house - claims fourth amendment

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:10 AM Florida Engines steal shed to avoid rent(edited)

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:11 AM Florida Engine crashes off end of line - claims he was going to Orlando to "see that rat mickey"(edited)

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:12 AM Florida Engine bites gator - claims it tasted like chicken

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:13 AM Florida Engine invades NASA Cape Canaveral - swears vengeance against SpaceX and Elon Musk

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:16 AM

Florida Engines steal SpaceX rocket, dunks on Musk

Jz1 — Today at 1:16 AM Florida Engine Hacks Elon Musk's Twitter, Causes Dogecoin Pump and Dump

NEW

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:17 AM Florida Engines block port of Miami in world’s longest consist Jz1 — Today at 1:18 AM Florida Engines claim this act of sabotage was to support the container ship Ever Given "in her hour of need"

[1:19 AM]Florida Engines seemed unaware that Ever Given was freed two months ago Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:21 AM

Florida Engine spills fruit train, creates jam

Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:22 AM Florida car cosplays as train, wears cone as a hat

Jz1 — Today at 1:24 AM Florida Airplane lands on Train Tracks, offers Florida Engine "a fair fight"

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:25 AM Florida Engine and Florida Plane fight in world’s largest Wawa, Florida Boat wins

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:25 AM Hahahaha

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:26 AM A gator was shoved where the sun don’t shine

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:26 AM Florida Engine attacks John Deere Dealership, fights gators

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:28 AM Florida Engine throws pet gator at John Deere dealer(edited)

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:29 AM Florida Engine steals Car, claims he was 'adopting it'

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:31 AM Florida Engine sells stolen cars as ‘pet cars’ 📷1

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:32 AM Florida Engine and Florida Boat conspire to traffic in exotic "pet cars"

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:34 AM Florida Semi-Truck roped into exotic ’pet car’ scheme by Florida Engine and Florida Boat.

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:35 AM Florida Crane arrested in increasingly-large "pet car" bust

[1:35 AM]Florida Submarine also under suspicion

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:38 AM Autoracks stolen by Florida Train

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:38 AM Florida "pet car" bust increases - multiple Florida Engines suspected

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:39 AM Florida East Coast Railway Indicted In ‘Pet Car’ Scandal

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:40 AM Florida Plane denied bail in "pet car" arrests - deemed a flight risk Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:45 AM Florida Train acquitted on all charges relating to ‘pet car’ scandal, still fined for public exposure.

📷Jz1 — Today at 1:46 AM Florida Train thanks Florida Lawyer for proving innocence - Florida Boat and Florida Crane to go to trial next week

📷Rise Comics(she/her) — Today at 1:48 AM Florida Boat was actually Egyptian fishing trawler. Florida Boat still at large.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #22- If You Don’t Love Thunderclash, Get Better Soon I Guess

One last issue before we reach Comic Event Hell.

Time to use a dead man to set up the rest of the nonsense that’s got to happen, because apparently 14 issues of setup, including six issues of literal prelude, wasn’t enough.

The first bit of information we’re presented with is the fact that Chromedome and Swerve are on the opposite sides of the camera-shy scale. I guess that’s bound to happen when your spouse has had his video-cam literally connected to his brain for at least several thousand years.

The art may look really gritty and hardcore here, but this is actually due to a filter Rewind has over all his footage that he’s neglected to take off, because it made all the wartime propaganda he would stuff into people’s heads all the more brutal-looking.

No, this is the style of our artist for this issue, James Raiz, who we’ll be seeing a fair bit of over the next several issues. Raiz has worked on the Transformers franchise over the course of multiple license-holders, as well as contributed to both Marvel and DC comics. He also works in special effects, including matte painting and VFX. That’s just neat.

Anyway, the reason Swerve’s completely frozen in place isn’t because Rewind  switched out his head-mounted camera for a gun that goes off if it hears you make a self-deprecating joke, but rather because he’s conducting interviews with everyone in the main cast. We get all their introductions, Cyclonus makes a statement about his political stances, Drift sounds like he’s high as a kite, First Aid strikes a sassy pose while not being bitter in the slightest, and Ultra Magnus makes a move that would get him murdered on any given film set in the universe.

You do NOT use your bare fucking hand to clean a camera lens, mister. Go get a microfiber cloth and try the fuck again, you complete and utter duffel bag of a creature.

We get a quick cut of the speech Rodimus made back in issue #1, with an angle that implies that Rewind was in the front row of the front row, then cut over to Rodimus asking Rewind to document their Capital-Q Quest. This is where we establish that this film doesn’t only contain footage from Rewind’s personal camera, but also that of the Lost Light’s security system.

Which feels like the sort of access you maybe wouldn’t want to give some nosy little film buff, especially when you have a secret giant serial killing sadist living in your basement like a disappointing adult child.

See? He was given the job to record the adventures of the Lost Light not five minutes ago, and he’s already using his powers for evil. Eavesdropping evil. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, Rodimus, and you just handed it to the guy with a massive Dominus Ambus-shaped chip on his shoulder.

So Rewind’s got permission to film just about whatever he wants, and Rodimus figures it’ll be nonstop action from here to the finish line! Fights! Intrigue! Mild hijinks and peril! Explosions aplomb! Oh man, I can’t wait to see what kinds of crazy shit will happen on this absolute roller coaster of a Quest!

Smashcut to Swerve literally falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. Yeah, as it turns out, no quest, capital Q or not, is nonstop action. Which is good, honestly, because that kind of seems like it would be exhausting after the first week or so.

Swerve, Tailgate, and Rewind are discussing cool alt-modes, which seems like an odd topic, seeing as Tailgate and Swerve have basically the same situation going on there, leaving Rewind alone in the camp of “does not have wheels”.

I worry about you sometimes, Rewind. Internalized Functionism is a very real problem. Uh, well, in your universe anyway. Us humans have to deal with regular ol’ classism and racism.

Rung gets brought up, and it’s revealed that the wheel on his back is almost purely cosmetic; it doesn’t even actually attach to his body. The lads decide that they’ve got nothing better to do, and set up a gentlemen’s wager- first one to figure out Rung’s whole deal gets 100 space-dollars.

Throwing shit at people’s heads will be a major plot point in the climax of this comic series.

Swerve’s go at trying to win the bet involved tossing a grenade at Rung to hit him in the neural cluster, which is rumored to be able to force an involuntary mode change if done correctly. Obviously, it didn’t work this go around. Then our narrative focus switches over to the crew’s hobbies.

You were listening to Prince, weren’t you, Magnus? Not even deep space is safe from the Cease and Desist.

Skids’ hobby is meeting new people, because he suffers from the terrible curse of being so fucking good at everything he tries, he always ends up dropping whatever he picked up, because what’s the point? This acts as a segue into another flashback, to even MORE bullshit that the fellas got roped into on Hedonia.

These are the Stentarians. They’re like the Cybertronians, if they were better in every way.

And by “better”, I, of course, mean “more bloodthirsty, warmongering, and driven enough to make their civil war last about as long as the Jurassic Period”. Also, they’re all combiners by default, and Whirl seems a little TOO into their whole situation. So much so, in fact, that when the Imperial Guard of their race show up to kill them, he decides to do them a solid by single-handedly ending their entire war.

You know, in most cases you’re supposed to show and not tell for visual media. This is way funnier, though, so it can be excused.

We jump back into the interviews, and Rewind’s just asked everyone if they’re happy. This might seem like an odd question, until you remember that everyone on-board this ship has crippling depression and PTSD, and Rewind’s married to one of the saddest motherfuckers to ever exist, so he probably has this question loaded into the proverbial chamber at any given moment. We won’t cover all of the answers here, because they’ll be more poignant to reflect back on later in the comic run, but let’s take a gander at the characters who’ve completed the first leg of their character arcs this season.

Drift, is that perhaps… an honest expression of your inner thought processes happening right there? Has Rewind broken through your carefully crafted persona, if even for just a moment, with his question? Perish the thought!

Because Tailgate outed himself as being baby in issue #21, I have zero doubt he’s not exaggerating here. He was a janitor, then he fell in a hole and became Dirt-Nap Supreme for six million years; even the most boring day on the Lost Light’s got to be better than that.

And it’s nice to see Chromedome on a good day for once. Hopefully he reveled in it while he had the chance, because this interview takes place maybe a couple weeks before he fucks everything up big time and has to blow up his husband with a missile strike.

Getting back to the Mystery of the Rungian Alt-Mode plotline, we see Rung using his backpack as a wheelbarrow- no idea what he’s actually pushing in the damned thing- and wearing the most disgruntled face I’ve seen him pull in a hot minute. Someone yells for him to come down the eerily unlit and sinister-looking hallway, which he does. Rung would not do well in a horror film.

He winds up at Swerve’s, where Tailgate, Swerve, Brainstorm, and someone who is most likely Trailcutter, given the colors, are hanging out in their alt-modes. Tailgate’s ploy to find out Rung’s deal is to do what he does best- lie! They’re having an alt-mode party, and wouldn’t Rung like to join in? There are, of course, logistical issues with being a car in a bar, especially when your drink is on the table and your head is tucked up somewhere in your torso, but never mind all that! Let’s get crazy!

This doesn’t work either. Maybe we should cut out the middle man here and just get Rung drunk enough to agree to a wet alt-mode contest.

No, I don’t have any idea how that would work.

In our next vignette, Rodimus comes into the comms room, Rewind trailing behind him like a grim shadow of death, to see what the hell Blaster wants, other than just the hugest glass of water.

Raiz’s work is very detailed, and you really feel the weight of these giant metal space robots, but everyone looks like they’ve been put through a food dehydrator.

We get a lot of build up to the character who’s about to be introduced, with a common opinion being shared amongst everyone- even Tailgate, who hates successful people like his life depends on it.

Lovely readers, put your hands together for the ideal male partner for Autobots, Decepticons, and Neutrals alike:

A man with so much charisma and charm that only Rodimus could hate him, Thuderclash brings to IDW what everyone wishes Optimus Prime would, making our disappointing space dad even more mediocre by comparison. He fights for justice, and freedom, and the good of the universe- and he does it all while having a chronic medical condition that forces him to stay within a certain distance of his ship that is also a life-support machine, otherwise he will die. Despite his handicaps, Thunderclash seemingly brings to others what they need most, even if they don’t even realize that they needed it in the first place.

He also, in this one scene, appeals to Drift’s religious sensibilities, does a secret best-friend dance with Ratchet (who he helped to pass his medical exams- yes, Ratchet), and congratulates Rodimus on his questing so far.

Thunderclash is one of those characters that everyone in-universe is supposed to love, and I completely buy it- because he’s completely genuine and humble about all of this the entire time.

Compare this to the last time Roberts wrote Thunderclash, in Eugenesis.

Where he was an ex-Decepticon.

And kind of an abrasive asshole.

And then he died.

Y’know, now that I think of it, Eugenesis Thunderclash and MTMTE Ambulon being basically the same character makes a whole lot of sense, even without the horrors of Roberts’ Twitter getting involved.

Thunderclash reveals that he, too, is on a quest to find the Knights of Cybertron, much to Rodimus’ chagrin. But first he needs the Lost Light to break out the jumper cables, and then for his second in command to stop threatening his life.

Turns out, not everyone is as obvious as the Cybertronians with their naming conventions. Whirl assassinated the wrong folks; I’m sure the Galactic Council is utterly thrilled. Paddox wants to steal the quantum engine technology for the good of his people, so they can kick the ass of the up-and-coming Terradore leader.

Completely unaware of the situation unfolding here in the lab, Swerve is directing Rung towards the warm, loving aura of Thunderclash for another go at winning the gentlemen’s wager- through the power of lying about having friends, Swerve’s “agreed” to get Rung Thunderclash’s autograph, in exchange for getting to check that Rung’s transformation cog is still working. Then they bump into the nightmare currently unfolding. My, whoever will save us from this dreaded menace, who holds a gun to the head of the Autobots’ greatest warrior, confidant, friend, and perhaps even lover?

How about a bartender and a giant vape pen?

Okay, so Rung doesn’t actually turn into a vape. It turns out that the Mystery of the Rungian Alt-Mode is also a mystery to the man himself. Because Rung is old as shit, the Functionists got to see this bullshit for themselves, and ended up testing him over and over and over trying to figure it out, lest he prove to be a flaw in their fascist ideologies. Fun fact: fascists HATE it when people they’re trying to oppress don’t play to their expectations.

The Functionists were the ones who gave Rung his little wheelie backpack, to make him at least appear useful. This sort of treatment tends to warp one’s head a bit, which would explain why he’s bothered to keep it for so long- internalized functionism’s a real bitch.

At least he’s not giving teenagers nicotine addictions under the guise of being somewhat better than cigarettes.

Back with Rodimus and Cybertron’s Autobot of the Year for 40,000 consecutive years, we get the unfortunate news that jump-starting Thunderclash’s ship is going to make the Quest go a bit slower for the Lost Light, much to Rodimus’ horror, though he does his best to put on a brave face; after all, that’s what heroes do, isn’t it?

It’s at this point that it’s revealed that “Little Victories” was being screened to all the Circle of Light members who didn’t get murdered or turned into Legislators on Luna 1, and man are these guys pissy. What was meant to be a recruitment video turned out to do just the opposite, because none of these guys want anything to do with what the Lost Light’s got going on.

Too bad Rewind didn’t have time for a cleaner cut for showing. Maybe they could have at least snagged a couple of these guys to tag along.

As all of the Circle of Light leave the theatre to go call everyone’s favorite Autobot to see if he needs a more crew members, the film plays on behind Skids, back to the interviews, as everyone promises more adventures just waiting on the horizon.

You’re not even on this trip anymore, you dork.

Chromedome gives us the title drop for the movie and issue, and we cut to Rewind organizing a group photo of all the interviewees.

And then Rewind died horribly like a week later. Thus ends season one of More Than Meets the Eye!

While I’m here, I’d like to take the time to cover a little bit of cut content from this issue, a scene between Drift and Ratchet.

Drift, during his interview, recalls the time that Ratchet called him into his office for a very serious discussion about his/Pharma’s hands.

Yeah, turns out they’re haunted.

Well, no, not really, because this is a prank. But Drift doesn’t know that yet.

Ratchet demonstrates this hand-haunting by punching Drift in the face, as he screams damnation at Pharma’s ghost. Drift, because he is a spiritual man, knows exactly what to do to deal with this possession; he draws his sword and chops Ratchet’s hands off, then throws them out the airlock.

This, too, is a prank, not that Ratchet knows it right away, yelling at Drift that he’s crippled him.

Clearly, these two belong together.

This bit of cut script was lucky enough to have gotten drawn by the colorist for MTMTE Season 1, Josh Burcham. Burcham’s line art is iconic- you won’t mistake him for anyone else. It’s rough and angular, and honestly just very charming. I’m a sucker for this sort of style. If you want to see his adaptation of this chunk of script- and trust me, you do- the link’s right here:

https://dcjosh.tumblr.com/post/107665292031/its-done-the-mtmte-22-deleted-scene-in-all-its

[turtletimewriting]

If you still doing the OP thing, maybe LoganxVirgil, please? :D

1. Who has the cutest tickle laugh?

Hmm... I feel like Logan. Similar to Virgil, he doesn’t laugh often and most of the time it’s just a sarcastic laugh. But I think he has the cutest as Logan snorts like you wouldn’t believe. His laughter is so squeaky and snorty and all over the place! The sort of the laugh where you find yourself laughing along with it. Virgil is completely obsessed with it. Imagine the most responsible uptight posh person you can and then their laugh is high pitched squeals and breathy snorts. 

2. Who is ticklish in unusual places and where would that be?

It’s not really a strange place but I really love the idea that Virgil is supremely ticklish on his back. Completely and utterly ticklish back! The cuddle up in bed and Virgil spends ten minutes squealing that Logan can’t touch his back, breath on his back, even look at his back. Watching films and Logan pulls Virgil into his lap? Half an hour of Virgil giggling at even the thought that Logan could get his back at any point. Logan tries to take a picture with his arm around Virgil and Virgil is blushing neon red and squirming before he can even put his arm around him. 

3. Who gets cheer-up tickles?

I don’t know if this is cheer-up, but I really like the idea of Logan completely stressed out his mind. Like slumped at his desk, realising he isn’t doing any work and won’t be able to do any because he’s so tired and stressed. He pushes away with a sigh and collapses into Virgil’s lap. Virgil knows exactly what he wants but he cheekily pretends he has no idea. Logan timidly asks that Virgil take his mind off things with some gentle tickles. They then spend the next half an hour gently scribbling and tracing around his feet or tummy, letting Logan just giggle and squeal his worries away. And this all happens a lot more often they would both like to admit. 

4. Who takes advantage of the other one getting their arms stuck while taking off their shirt?

Oh Logan, completely! I love the idea of Logan being kinda useless in the morning. He wakes up and doesn’t bother putting on his glasses. He will say he doesn’t need his glasses because he can roughly see and has memorised the house. In actuality, he always forget about them and can’t be bothered finding them (even though they’re in the same place every single morning). So he always, ALWAYS, gets tangled in his shirts. He can’t count how many he’s put on backwards or inside out. He gets stuck in his morning uselessness and his blindness all while his adorable little tummy is open and vulnerable. Virgil cannot be blamed for anything that he does. 

5. How did they discover each other’s ticklishness?

Oh I don’t really know. Building on question 2, imagine an analogical who’s only just got together. Logan in his own super awkward attempt at being sappy, he tries stiffly hugging and cuddling Virgil only to see Virgil completely freeze. He questions it and Virgil ends up shouting that he’s “super ticklish, Lo! Shut up!”. They’re still a little awkward afterwards but Logan really loosens up when he realises who cute Virgil is when tickled.

Of course, Virgil discovers Logan’s ticklishness when he finally fights back. He’d say that he fought back against Logan’s tickles immediately but in reality, he didn’t think to fight back until months of attacks and tickles. At first, he thought Logan wasn’t even ticklish but it turns out you just need to go gentle to unlock all his laughs then he can’t hold back. 

6. Who can’t take tickle bites?

I feel like neither are hugely affected by tickle bites but I think Virgil has a special weakness to seeing Logan finally acting fully silly and embracing his inner tickle monster. Have you ever seen a tickle monster with a tie? Exactly. Something about it, makes it tickle all the more and also he just thinks seeing Logan ‘nom’ away is really funny!

7. Who has to be tickle-forced out of bed in the morning?

Surprisingly, a bit of both. Definitely Virgil the most often. He’s just a sleepy boy and there’s nothing funnier than tickling his back to then see him shoot out of bed with a squeal. He goes from dead to the world to across the room giggling. There’s nothing more that brings more joy to Logan. 

But that doesn’t mean Logan doesn’t have his moments. Some days, especially after a stressful project, he’ll treat himself to waking up late. But, the stress just always conks him out. If he isn’t woken up then he’ll sleep for sixteen hours straight. Virgil will always start gentle in the hopes of slowly waking him up but that never works. It quickly turns into planting raspberries on his neck while digging into his sides. It doesn’t happen often but Virgil genuinely treasures and looks forward to those mornings. 

8. Who gives up in a tickle fight?

See, you would think it would be Logan. He’s a posh boy and he has an embarrassing laugh (to him). But no. Logan is stubborn and competitive. If he starts a tickle fight then the earth will be swallowed by the sun before he gives up. He could be pinned down being destroyed but he is simply biding his time to attack when Virgil gets too confident. 

Virgil always makes the mistake of getting too entranced by Logan’s carefree giggles and squeals and so when the tables turn, he immediately knows he’s too ticklish to fight against Logan’s thorough effective tickling. He starts almost all of their tickle fights but he immediately folds when Logan wins.

9. Who is in danger of getting hurt when attacking the other?

Neither really. Virgil just always squirms in the spot or just tries to run away if Logan’s grip is weak, so he never really gets in the way. And Logan has the worst habit (in his view, Virgil loves this) of just curling into a ball as if that would protect him from everything. It doesn’t and never will. 

10. Who always provokes the other into tickling them and how?

Logan will ask for tickles but it is Virgil who always provokes tickles. Again, he will make a huge deal about being tickled and just how incredibly ticklish he is which is all just screaming for a tickling! Not to mention, Virgil has the habit of falling into Logan’s lap and then giggling and begging for his back not to be tickled. Of course, Logan can only take so much temptation.

[originalcontent]

Well. Forgot to make our final pathologic post, because we did it, we finished the game. We just played all the remaining days at once. Not going to go super hard on the plot details bc if you know them then you know them, all I can say is holy shiiiiiiit this was such a good story/mystery/choice/everything.

First order of business: casualties.

All the children except Grace survived. When we had five panaceas, we chose Sticky, Murky, Khan, Notkin, and Capella, and we weren't able to find any more shmowders until it was too late. Taya was lucky and Grace wasn't. I feel kinda bad but also I don't know what more we could have done. God all of the kids and their final conversations when they all think they're going to die, they're so sad and sweet and I love them all so much.

The thing I'm SUPER bummed about is that Stakh, Lara, and Bad Grief all died. Like we did everything we could for all of them, but I'm still sad about it. One regret from this game is that I think we should have spent more time with them. I should have tried to make things right with them. I was so focused on the kids, and I don't regret that, but also I kept putting other things before them as well and I should have tried harder.

The other casualties were Big Vlad, Maria Kaina, Eva Yan, and Anna Angel, who was apparently a character but I think we literally never spoke with her in our playthrough. And Aglaya, although I don't know how we could have saved her either. Everyone else survived. I don't know the typical death toll for this game, but we did better than I was expecting us to, all things considered.

Oh wait, Nara's also dead. That wasn't an incredibly disturbing scene or anything. Like I'm getting ahead of myself a bit but jesus the kinfolk terrify me sometimes. My sister mentioned that it's probably a very different game if we commit super hard to exploring their plotline, and she's probably right. That whole sequence though... the blood, the hearts... it's a lot. I'm not going into detail bc if you've played the game then you already know what's down there, but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like replaying this game knowing everything would put a LOT of earlier conversations into new context.

Still! That was the only place we death spiraled this time! Death spiral escaped! That's probably due in no small part to the presence of the soldiers. Like yes they're terrible and them burning people alive is terrifying, but also we discovered the strategy that every time we were attacked by someone we could just have them chase us past a soldier who would protect us. We still had to sneak around a lot but overall it meant we had a lot fewer fights.

The polyhedron was gorgeous. We probably wasted a lot of time visiting it, but it was wonderful. I wanted to go back when all the kids were there but they didn't let us. Super into the earth/sky dichotomy of Notkin's and Khan's gangs.

Block was sure something. When I first met him he was meeting with my three [living :(] best friends but none of them would talk to me. Anyway. When he arrives everyone's saying they loved him, then later on we accidentally walk into the most obvious coup ever, and then the next day he's back in charge like nothing happened. And then on the last day there's this massive violent internal conflict? Plus the whole thing with him and Aglaya (weren't they working together in the prologue?) and plus they keep giving us heart attacks saying they're going to level the town and then changing their minds. Thank god for Changeling who was apparently the single persuasive voice in saving everyone? I guess? We've had our ups and downs but honestly she was waaaaaaay more reliable than Daniil at the end.

I told her I'd help her cure a patient in the hospital, but I didn't have any panacea or shmowder so in the end I couldn't, but afterwards I was glad I hadn't helped her. I already felt terrible I didn't have enough living blood for all the children when they were all spontaneously infected, and it would have been so much worse if I had been able to help another but I'd wasted it on a random person earlier.

... Is Aglaya in love with Artemy? Or are they just two agents who recognize said agency in one another? Everyone spent all game hyping her up as some sort of monster but she was my friend and she listened to me. And she died trying to save everyone I guess.

The kids...just. All of them. Notkin and Capella both told us to let them die but to make sure Khan was okay. Murky saying she'd loved Artemy since the first time she saw him. God everything they said and did I love them. I can't imagine playing this game as either of the other characters because I can't imagine going through this town and not carrying deeply about all the kids like this.

So I think...I think I made my choice long before I actually made the choice itself, you know? There was only ever going to be one choice.

Day 11 was the first and only day when I knew exactly what I had to do. I mean I guess it was in the stage directions and everything. Thank you dear Fellow Traveler for feeding us the night before--did you know we'd never visited the dead item shop until the last night? Probably would have made finding food and medicine a lot easier. But anyway, when the day began I didn't quite understand the significance of the stage directions because the Haruspex looking for couriers did not sound like the dramatic climax to the story that I knew this day was supposed to be. Still, I looked for the couriers.

I think I visited the three locations in the order I was supposed to. Seeing Daniil like that with his gun and bloody hands, sitting in a room of corpses...hearing him ramble...oh man I was so conflicted, this whole game I'd thought that even though I teased him, I would always ultimately back his plays because I trusted him and I knew that ultimately he wanted to help people too. Hearing him tell me what he wanted me to do then at the end of everything...he honestly scared me a bit.

The Changeling and I seemed much more on the same page at the end of everything. Being in the middle of a field with armed soldiers closing in from all sides was kind of terrifying though. I didn't stay to witness what she did with them. She’s okay though, she’s alive.

Wild goose chase for the final courier eventually took me to the bar where I met an injured bandit and was able to actually perform a surgery for the first time in the entire fucking game. I really enjoyed that because I'm supposed to be a fucking surgeon.

Meeting my understudy fucking killed me. I cannot BELIEVE that the final courier who was carrying the only file that could save the whole town was canonically murdered by the understudy of the protagonist. How the hell is that a real plot point, do you have any idea how much I adore that, that is more meta than literally anything else that has happened in this whole game. I fucking died. I definitely have been playing this game as Artemy rather than as Actor, and I think that made the whole scene even funnier. His whole thing about taking a new direction with the character, the whole "you're getting paid for this??", the fact that Artemy was so offended by literally every aspect of his existence that we didn't even know what to criticize. At the end I was like "yeah I'm definitely going to kill this guy" but we're nice people and we let him surrender. His inventory consisted of a rusty scalpel, a hazelnut, and a single piece of twyre, which was the most incredible parody of Artemy's inventory that I can imagine and killed me all over again.

The kin folk all met with me and begged me not to let them die. Maybe things could have been different, but again, I knew my choice and deep down I always knew what we were going to choose at the end. When you start the game, day one, there are two things that are immediately striking about the town. One, it's full of living folklore, and two, it's full of children, and those are the two things that make the town special and wonderful. When you look back on it all, there was only ever one way this could all end.

The dead courier (murdered by my own fucking understudy rather than an actual character, still dying) was a dramatic sight. It's lucky I had to sleep then or I probably wouldn't have found him.

After I made my choice, the disease tried to murder me. It infected literally every district I moved through, manifesting in every single passageway. I just chugged my tinctures and moved as well as I could, because fuck you disease, you are nothing to me. Obviously at that point nothing really could stop me. I considered saving in the cathedral, but what would be the point?

Day 12 was so bright and peaceful and nice. I could just walk around for once with no fear of getting lost or hungry or running out of time. I'm still really sad my childhood friends weren't alive to share it with me, but I enjoyed talking to everyone. My favorite little end conversations were Taya and Notkin for sheer adorable factor, Yulia so Artemy could say he wanted her to be the one to tell his story and to make it as undramatic as possible (fuck you Mark), Daniil because it was super cute and I’m glad that after it all things are okay between us and I got to make fun of him for trying to talk in my language, and Andrey and Peter because literally nothing made me feel better about my choice to destroy the polyhedron than listening to them complain about it.

And then the theater, where I talked to everyone who'd died and to Mark Immortell. He told me he'd need to try again with a different protagonist (gee I wonder who he could be referring to, such a shame we'll never know) and that I could go into the back and take off my mask now. I considered it for a bit, but it didn't feel right, so I decided that I was Artemy and I went back outside.

This game was wonderful. It was beautiful. It has such a fundamental understanding of what theater is and what makes something theatrical (lose me with your cinematic games, theater and cinema are completely different things and the former is impossibly beautiful but is also almost impossible to recreate when not in person). It's worldbuilding was immaculate, and for all the stress it caused I'm really happy for it.

I say this every time, but I love Artemy so fucking much. Give me a character who is a monster and a healer and who is full of anger but also so much love, and then just have him adopt 7+ children why don't you. He is so wonderful and good and interesting and I am in love with him.

(Edit: And then like a month later, just now, we went back to our last save and threw the documents in the trash so we could play through the other ending. I think the diurnal ending is definitely the better one, although it was nice to see the polyhedron again and to talk to all the game developers. <3 Also the goodbyes to Daniil and Notkin were super sad in that one, I did what Daniil wanted, he won’t even stay? This is so sad.)

Well that's our pathologic playthrough. We know there's a lot we missed and we may return to the game at some point. (Looked up a plot summary afterwards and there’s just so much else. Must save my childhood friends next time.) Game is very good though. It's been wild. Marbles sometime in the next few days. :)

[goose-books]

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

I.

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!

[rosy-wooyoung]

Husband series [4/8] | Yeosang

Word count: 2.7k Pairing: ex-husband!, police officer! Seonghwa x single mom! reader x prosecutor! Yeosang (police officers! San and Wooyoung, but they’re just here for the drama)  Genre: fluff A/N: I took characters from my “he needs someone” imagine (i thought it’d be funnier ;) )

You had met Seonghwa when you were still quite young. He was a young police officer and you worked in a pretty big company, meeting each other was something quite hard due to your busy schedules. At first, you were surprised that he was a police officer and his stone-cold face, but when he warmed up to you, he was a whole other person. He was smiling and laughing, happy to be in your company. He didn't have to pretend or show any form of authority when you were around.

The only cloud on the horizon of your relationship was his work. He did day and night shifts, tiring him out in every way possible, making him so exhausted that every time he had some free time, he spent it sleeping or working out. You almost put a stop to your relationship because of this, but you managed to make it work. You were patient but you craved his affection but being in a relationship and not getting a lot of attention was frustrating. After a few months, he was asked to change shifts and got more free time. The service he was in wasn’t his cup of tea, but at least you got to see him more. Yes, he was grumpier and more irritable, but you managed to calm him down and clear out his problems with your affection.

You were very much in love with each other, it almost looked like a fairy-tale. He asked you to marry him a few weeks after learning that you were expecting your first child together, bringing you nothing but happiness. Seonghwa was required to change shifts again, him feeling very unhappy as his job wasn’t something he enjoyed. He ended up in the patrol team and everything started again. His work invaded your love life and almost ruined everything, so one night, you made your husband promise you something.

“Promise that, when our child will arrive, you’ll take days off to take care of us. The law allows a few days or week of paternity leave, so I need you to take them.” “I promise, honey,” he said as he linked his pinkie with yours with a wink.

Liar. You never knew where those promised free days went. After the birth of your son, Haneul, Seonghwa disappeared. He buried himself into his work and duties as if he weren’t ready to take care of a child, as if he were running away from his responsibilities. You had cried for nights, even days when he was in patrol, where you needed him the most. He was supposed to be home to help you out, take care of your child to let you rest, but he was never there. And when he came home, he was exhausted, almost dodging eating and showering. He was running away from you and your son like you were the plague, and it hurt you.

Your patience lasted two years, which was something you found rather impressive. One day, you were at the end of your tether, so you impulsively called a close friend of yours, who luckily was a lawyer. You filled divorce papers behind Seonghwa’s back and presented him the paper one night when he came back from his shift.

“Here, sign this.” You said as you placed the papers on the table, handing him a pen. “What for?” you didn’t answer and observed his jaw drop when he read the title of the contract. “Are you serious?” Seonghwa said, his voice wavering. It was rare to see the police officer lose his composure. “Are we really getting divorced?” “Yes, we are.” You declared, trying to stay as stoic as possible. “We made a common agreement that you’d take days off to help me with the baby, but since his birth, I haven’t seen you an entire day at home.” “I know baby, I’m sorry-” “Let me finish. I know your work is exhausting and the forces of order need you, but I need you too! Haneul needs you too, he needs his father to be home, to help him and watch him grow up. I need you to be here to help me, take care of things that could allow me to rest a bit. It’s tiring to be a mother too, you know! You didn’t keep your promise and I can’t live as if I was a single mom when I'm married, this is why I want you to fill out this form.” Seonghwa clenched his jaw but didn’t allow his tears to fall down, letting your words sink in his brain.

You were right and he was doomed. He wouldn’t be able to change your mind. Sadly, oh so sadly, he had lost the family he had started creating and there was nothing he could do against it. He made a huge mistake, the wound was too fresh and deep to stitch it. He swallowed thickly and unwillingly signed the paper under your watch, sniffing as he handed you the pen and papers.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I know it’s not an excuse, but I got scared. I know for a police officer, I’m such a coward, but I was scared to be short on money, so I worked harder and longer. I know that I shouldn’t have done this, but I was so scared and- I’m really sorry I messed up, that’s all I can say.” You sharply inhaled and took the papers from his grip, going to your shared bedroom, leaving your now ex-husband sheepishly standing up in the living room.

After weeks of moving out, moving on and start your life at the other side of the town, you were ready to give another try to dating. You had a few fails, men chickening out as they learnt that you were divorced and had a child. It saddened you and made you feel a bit unlovable, but your friend tried her best to make you feel better. One night, she called you as you had just put Haneul to bed, quickly answering as you didn’t want the ringtone to wake your son up.

“Y/N! I’m glad you answered. I have tea and it’s boiling hot!” your friend exclaimed through the phone as you gulped down a sip of water. “Tell me about it,” you slightly laughed as you sat down on your small couch, taking a quick break from being a mother. “So, I had a case last week and I got to meet my new boss, the new prosecutor.” “The one who replaces Mr Choi?” you asked and you could almost hear your friend nod on the other side of the phone. “Exactly- god, it was time for him to go I swear. But anyway, don't change the subject! Something happened this afternoon and you are involved too!” “Me?” you exclaimed, tilting your head and frowning, “what do you mean?” “You know, I have a picture of us in holidays framed on my desk. It was when we went to Paris, do you remember? And then, Mr Kang – the new prosecutor – came to my desk to give me something and he asked me if you were my sister. He looked IN LOVE I swear, he kept looking at you on the photo.” “You’re going crazy,” you snorted at her words but still felt your cheeks heat up. “I promise you that I’m not. Come at work once and the new prosecutor will be head over heels for you. I’m sure you’ll like him since you seem to have a thing for men in the justice system.” “Stop,” you almost yelled and giggled, knowing that she was right. “Try me,” she provoked you and you laughed together, “come have lunch with me tomorrow, if he’s not dead in love for you then you will at least get to eat with your best friend. Does it sound like a plan to you?” "A good plan. Alright,” you huffed, fake annoyed and grinned as your friend groaned over the phone.

As promised, you went out for lunch with your friend and managed to make up for the lost time, relaxed, your son eating at the day-care centre for once. He loved his teachers and the other children, so it wasn’t an issue for him to eat at school. Coming back from the restaurant, you walked with her in her work building, only to have her squeezing your forearm to get your attention, as you were going to go into the elevator.

“Look, he’s here.” “Who?” “Your future boyfriend, you idiot!” She whispered and you looked up, only to be met with hazel eyes. The man was walking a few meters away from you with a colleague, still wearing his prosecutor robe. You gulped and he slightly nodded his head your way to greet you, a small smile on his face as he walked past you. “See? I told you that he was your type.” Your friend proudly said, and you elbowed her, red flushing your cheeks. You didn’t answer and it was her turn to elbow you in the ribs. “Hm? Admit he’s your type.” “Okay, he’s fine. Are you happy now?”

“I’m only “fine”?” you both froze as you heard a deep voice behind you. You glared at your friend and she smirked at you, smiling at her boss and hastily walk towards the elevators. You turned around with an embarrassed smile and faced the handsome prosecutor. “Now, that’s embarrassing,” you mumbled and he laughed, tenderly looking at you. “It’s alright, I’m just teasing,” he said and you exhaled, relieved but you froze again at his words. “Are you free tonight? I want to get to know you," he asked as if it was the most normal thing in the world. You fell speechless and it took you seconds to register what he said. “Are you serious?” that’s all you managed to say and he nodded with a smile. “Do I look like I’m joking?” you shook your head but nodded right after. Confused and embarrassed, you whined and looked away. “Alright, I know a good place downtown. How about we meet there at 8 pm?” “Sounds good to me.” You answered and he beamed again, each smile making your heart melt a little more.

It was 7:55pm and you were already there, asking for a table for two. You ordered a lemonade and waited for your date to come, hoping that you wouldn’t be stood up on your first date. You gulped another sip of the sparkling water and almost choked as the prosecutor sat in front of you. Your change of clothes didn't go unnoticed to your date's face and you smiled as he complimented you on the dark blue dress you were wearing.

Everything went well, you finally got to know his name and Yeosang was a word that easily rolled off your tongue. You didn’t know but he loved it when you said his name and vice versa. He was sweet and intelligent, passionate about his work. Fortunately, he wasn't the type to only talk about him and he got to discover your centre of interests as well. He even started flirting, which was delicately done, never overstepping boundaries.

Your phone started ringing as Yeosang ordered dessert for the two of you, eyes going wide when you recognised the phone number of the day-care teacher. You excused yourself from the table and Yeosang nodded, giving the menu back to the waiter. The day-care centre was closing, and you needed to pick Haneul up, making you suddenly feel stuck. You told the woman that you’d get there as quickly as possible, but you might be a little late. You worryingly came back into the restaurant and Yeosang immediately frowned at your distressed state.

“Is everything alright?” you nodded, despite being on the verge of tears. The frown on Yeosang’s face never left and you deeply inhaled, ready to tell him the truth. "I know you're not, tell me what's wrong." He searched for your gaze but never caught it. “I- I need to pick up my son at the day-care centre because it’s about to close.” You mumbled, hoping that he’d never hear it, but of course he did, his eyes widening. “You have a child?” he said, and you nodded, your eyes never leaving the white tablecloth. A hesitant hand came across the table and rested against your trembling one. “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to eat dessert.” “Don't think too much about it. Let’s pick your little boy up.” He stood up and encouraged you to imitate him before catching a waiter’s attention to cancel your orders and went to pay the bill.

You exhaled and sent a quick message to your friend that your date would probably not see you again and she answered you almost immediately.

“What do you mean???” “That’s nonsense Y/N.” “Let’s talk about it when you are relaxed and have more time, alright? xx”

You faintly smiled at your friend’s words and felt a presence behind you. Yeosang smiled at you and softly laid his hand on your shoulder.

“Let’s go?” you nodded, and he walked you to his car, opening the passenger seat for you.

The ride to the day-care centre was dead silent and you’ve never felt so oppressed in your life. Why did you have to grow attached to him over a single date, when he was most likely to drop you after driving you home with your child?

“I’m really sorry, miss, I didn't see the time.” You said as soon as your son's teacher came into sight, patiently waiting for you with your son next to her. “It’s okay, I’m glad you made it safely here. Have a good evening and see you tomorrow!” she said with a smile before going back inside the centre. Before you could give Yeosang any further explanation, you heard the roaring sound of another car pulling up by the centre.

A police car.

Your ex-husband and two of his colleagues (who you recognised to be San and Wooyoung, the former being Haneul's godfather) got out of the car. Your ex-husband searched for your child and stopped dead on his tracks when he saw you and the man standing next to you, who was stroking Haneul’s cheek as you carried him.

“Seonghwa,” you said in a breath and Yeosang looked up. His eyes darkened and stopped touching your son’s cheek, clearing his throat. “Officer Park,” he said, extending his hand. “Prosecutor Kang,” your ex-husband answered, shaking it and you almost fainted.

Of course, the two of them had to know each other. Of course, they had to work together in the past. That’s what you got by dating men from the law. San eyed you out of the corner of his eye and tried to send you a warming smile as he noticed your distressed state.

“So?” Seonghwa said and you took action, turning towards Yeosang. “Yeosang, I’m going to make this clear and quick. This is my ex-husband, officer Park Seonghwa and he’s also Haneul’s father. You can do anything, get into a fight or yell at each other, call me a wimp, I don’t care, I’m going home. It might be cowardly from me but it’s too early now.” You said on the verge of tears and walked towards Yeosang’s car, your decision played with Seonghwa’s heartstrings, secretly hoping that you would walk towards his. You saw San's eyes widening and Wooyoung gasped, only to fall silent as your ex darkly stared at him. Seonghwa sighed, nodding at Yeosang, who was genuinely confused. The police officer sat back in his car but never drove away, head filled with thoughts, his colleagues following him only seconds later after waving one last time to Haneul. The prosecutor started his car after you closed your car door and drove you home without a word.

“Thanks for the date,” you gloomily mumbled as you neared your apartment building. “I had a lot of pleasure to get to know you.” He whispered back, checking if your son was sleeping, and he was. You faintly smiled at him and were about to leave his car when he stopped you by delicately wrapping his fingers around your wrist. “Will I get to see you again?”

[uzumaki2810]

How are you feeling about 100YQ animation? Just curious!

Fairy Tail as a series died for me all the way back in chapter 504. I still remember something in my head snapping as I read Gray blaming Natsu for his loses and going 'this is the dumbest shit I've ever read'. Gray is my favourite in the series so to see his character be completely assassinated like that was infuriating and at the time I thought it was the worst case of character assassination I’d ever seen (oh how utterly naive I was).

Then the rest of Alvarez came out and fundamentally destroyed every single story thread the series had. My investment in the series took a massive nose dive because of it. And it certainly didn't help when that one interview came out and Mashima pretty much admitted that he had no plan on how the series would go AND that he didn't care about continuity. At the time I thought this was the biggest ‘fuck you’ a writer could give to their audience & their investment (again oh how disgustingly naive I was).

And now we're here with the sequel, a great example of what happens when a series over stays its welcome. There's no stakes since it's being written by an author that can't even keep a old man dead. None of these characters are in any danger so there's no reason to care. A character could get reduced to a pile of ashes and I still wouldn’t care, I still wouldn’t believe they’re dead until I read the very last panel. The world building is also terrible (not that the original series had any good world building to begin with) none of the places we go to feel like well established lands rich with history and culture. Instead they all feel like battle arenas where the big fight happens. Plus it doesn’t help that a lot of the things that happened in the sequel are the same events that happened in the original series with just a different coat of paint:

A battle against all Fairy Tail members where Mashima tried to add stakes in saying the white witch can kill anyone at anytime (hilarious that he thinks people will still fall for this). 

This was then followed by another Face battle.

More clones but unlike Edolas where the existence of the characters were justified, these clones in Fairy Nail aren’t. If anything it would’ve been funnier had the actors not looked anything like our characters similar to in One Piece where the Straw Hats are reunited & see a group of criminals impersonating them. But no instead we have literal clones of our characters just because. But nah turn ya brain off, don’t think about it - look the ships are happening!

Another secret brother revealed in the form of Ignia so Natsu can have the same ‘storyline’ in Alvarez and I say that very loosely since Zeref & Natsu being brothers meant fuck all in the original series. 

The characters have been drastically reduced to one or two traits they have. Their arcs were destroyed completed in the original series and there's hardly anything left for most them to do other than be ship fan service since that's where most of Mashima’s revenue comes from now. A good majority of the characters just feel like hollow corpses being strung up by strings to act out what fans will like the most and thereby making the most money.

Nalu as a whole has been a massive let down due to Mashima's constant baiting & their moment in 545 where Natsu says 'we'll be together forever' which is considered to be a romantic gesture has been retconned since Lucy in the sequel thinks Natsu isn't interested in romance. Plus the way Natsu has been written, good god, idk why Mashima thought it was funny to reduce him to having the intelligence of a child. The way Natsu's been written & the way that one serious moment where Lucy calms him down burning herself in the process got reduced to a fucking pee joke has been a massive disappointment. I've been meaning to write a post regarding just how badly Mashima screwed up & wasted all the pay offs this relationship could have given us but that's something for another time.

So to answer your question on how I feel about the 100 year quest getting an anime? Happy for the people who still find genuine enjoyment in this series but I’m apathetic to the whole thing. After a string of disappointments from both this series & other IPs I was greatly invested in I just don’t care anymore. I now live in a world where not even THE LAST OF US could get a decent sequel. So I’ve stopped being super invested in things anymore. 

I’ve always suspected that the sequel was just something Mashima had as a safety blanket in case Edens Zero didn’t meet his or his editor’s expectations. Now hearing that the sales for EZ haven’t been all that great for a mangaka of his status it’s making a lot of sense. The anime is here to give a bigger boost in sales both in the manga & official merchandise. I’ll gladly bet you anything that the first pieces of merchandise we’ll get will be ship related. 

So to sum it all up I'm literally only here for whatever conclusion Nalu gets. 

[some-creep]

CREEP RANKS EVERY SONG IN NIER... AUTOMATA (mostly) BY TITLE

Because, like, no one played Gestalt. Also this game has more songs.

Significance Like. I guess. It’s a title you can use. What is significant? We don’t know. The characters don’t know. They are struggling to find out. We all are. What is meaning? What really matters? I don’t know but we’re all crying. 8/10

City Ruins – Rays of Light / Shade Plays in the ruins of the city. Exactly as advertised. Sounds sad like you might imagine. 9/10

Peaceful Sleep This is the Resistance camp right? Peaceful things don’t tend to happen there honestly. At least not as we keep going. Sounds like a sleepy JRPG town though. Ok title for the mood it gives. I like this song a lot so I’m cheating and giving it more points than I know it deserves as just, like, a title. 8/10

Memories of Dust Sand is dusty. What memories? We’re making them. Cool title. Sounds like a YA novel though. 9/10

Birth of a Wish Genuinely often get confused with the Silent Hill 2 bonus story Born from a Wish whenever I try to remember what this song is called. This Cannot Continue / 10

The Color of Depression This is like… a really cool title. Thanks. That Scanner boy is not gonna live the happy family life you all for some reason keep suggesting he is. Bad things are gonna happen to him. He dies anyway. 11/10

Amusement Park Yeah. I guess. We certainly are in the amusement park level. Creep why does this one rank so much lower than City Ruins which was also just “name of location”. Amusement park is not a cool title. City Ruins is a cool title. 7/10

A Beautiful Song Would you say Simone has girlpower? Would you say Simone successfully used her girlpower to kill and consume countless androids and also turn them into near lifeless weapons and body jewelry? 9/10

Voice of No Return Sad title. Sad song. Exactly as advertised once again. I feel sad listening to the Automata OST most of the time. Is this quest complete in the camp? I think so. Anyway it’s really sad. I love to cry. 11/10

Grandma – Destruction Um so this is like. Genuinely a horrible title. It reminds me of the title of a darkweb video which I will say no more on. This song is REALLY good its a shame this title is so… uh. Bad. It’s just bad. 1/10

Faltering Prayer – Dawn Breeze / Starry Sky This is another really cool title. This game is about like… life after god. I’m not here to get thematic. I say in a list entirely about if the song fits the theme. Anyway this is a cool title. The song again… sounds sad.  One of them is a music box which I love. Cheating again. 10/10

Emil’s Shop EVERY DAY’S A SALE. EVERY SALE’S A WIN. 12/10!!

Treasured Times The fact this plays after Emil’s shop on the OST is the biggest tonal whiplash in the world. This song makes me feel an emotion I cannot describe. It’s something like sadness but not quite. This isn’t a review of the songs, just the title. But reading the title makes me feel that emotion too but stronger when I think about it. I don’t know. 9/10

Vague Hope – Cold Rain / Spring Rain Good title… Thematically very appropriate. Not COOL like some of the others but it feels right feels canon. I like it. It’s just the city ruins quest complete song but it also plays in one of the fucking… DLC fights. That makes me extra sad. 10/10

End of the Unknown Which unknown was ended. Genuinely think when this plays I had more unknowns than knowns. This song sounds like every song from the Gestalt DLC. 6/10.

Pascal At least Automata has far fewer “named after a character” songs. They just have named after a place songs. I love Pascal so if I give this a low score he might be upset. 8/10

Forest Kingdom It really… the forest huh. Random but one of the songs in Code Vein does a vocal thing that always reminds me of this song for some reason. That has nothing to do with this game or this songs title at all I just wanted to tell you. Long Live The Forest King / 10

Dark Colossus – Kaiju This song is also in Gestalt. It’s cooler here. More stakes. Song title suggests less stakes though? That’s kinda weird. Because of this it loses points. I’m sorry. 7/10

Copied City Dude I left this one off the list when I first typed it out lol. Someone not to @ anyone told me this was based on Nier’s village. Lie to me again. I don’t know what City is being Copied. One of them. It reminds me more of the Cathedral City from DoD3. Which is a bad horrible game that I completed 100%. 8/10

Wretched Weaponry Not to be confused with Wretched Automatons. Is this like, a remix? My ears don’t work so I don’t know. Don’t inform me because I love being stupid. Anyway, in the narrative it makes sense. It’s a good, cool title. Song is softer than the title would suggest. 9/10

Possessed by Disease COOL SONG TITLE. Thank you. This plays… somewhere. Uh. Hm. I’ve 100% completed this game like three times. 9/10

Broken Heart You think you’re gonna hear a sad song? SURPRISE. Sinister as hellllll. Subverted expectations baby. MCU take notes. I’ve never seen a movie in the MCU. Loving the dark tones in this. Broken heart but the emotion isn’t just sad. GOOD STUFF. 10/10

Mourning Again. You think it’s gonna be sad? But BOOM. It isn’t. I mean it still is, but in a dark way. These aren’t song reviews. These are title reviews. But if a title suggests one thing and delivers another that’s still a valid point right? I don’t know. Hey wait isn’t this just Shadowlord’s Castle? Yonah / 10

Dependent Weakling Well, it’s no Song of the Ancients – Fate, but it’ll do. In all seriousness, this is like, a great song title for Eve’s boss battle. Y’know, because he relied so heavily on Adam and all’a that. Maybe a little on the nose. Maybe a little rude. Eve sucks / 10

Rebirth & Hope Sounds hopeful. Plays during ending A where we see a Rebirth cos 9S super doesn’t die. This song is literally 30 seconds long why am I even bothering. Oh, right, because it’s on the OST at all. 30 second songs / 10

War & War Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the war room. It… sounds like a war room song. A preparing for a big battle song. Once again, exactly as advertised. Plays before a big battle. It really thematic naming! Peace was never an option. 8/10

Crumbling Lies Words cannot express how much I adore this song. First of all, title is on point. It’s the song that plays when you get to  Route C. Literally the moment I fell in love with the game. The Bunker is destroyed, which, again… maybe it’s a bit on the nose. I don’t care. This is the perfect song title to the perfect song. I will die on this hill. 12/10

Widespread Illness Red Eye except it’s robots now. Very thematically appropriate. Everyone is dying. There’s nothing you can do to cure it except kill them. They’re incredibly infectious. Zombie Virus but with Robots. Can you tell I don’t remember what it’s called? I’m writing this at 1am and I’ve decided it’s funnier if I don’t look anything up. Sounds very somber… I like it. 9/10

Fortress of Lies Not to be dramatic but when I read this English title I was like MMMMMMMNNN because like. I get it. It plays in the Bunker. Which… is built on lies. Again. Incredibly on the nose but when I learned what the song was called I just fucking DIED the first time. I’m stupid. I don’t care. 11/10

Song of the Ancients – Atonement Another song I died when I learned the title of. Devola and Popola in that game have nothing to atone for. They are atoning for sing they did not commit. Punished for the crimes of another set of Androids, possibly thousands of miles away. It’s not fair. They have nothing to atone for. They’ve done nothing wrong. 12/10 crying creeps.

Blissful Death FUCK. This one plays in the Devola and Popola like. Text Adventure part. Which is just. I love it so much. No one dies in that though. Well… maybe someone does. It’s not impossible that Popola hurt someone. It’s suggested that, maaaaybe she did. No one stops. No one Stops.

Emil – Despair Emil’s life has quite literally only been despair. Please don’t bully him with your song titles like this… 9/10

Alien Manifestation Vintage meme of that guy from the history channel with the impact font that just says Aliens.  This game has aliens, I will give you that. They’re all dead though. I guess the machines are aliens but. Eh. Wait doesn’t this play in the castle? There aren’t even aliens there what the fuck. 5/10

The Tower There’s a tower. This plays there. Thank you. Also the name of a tarot card I think? That could be cool if I knew a single goddamn thing about tarot cards. I don’t. 6/10

Bipolar Nightmare Cool flying section. Has anyone found Grun skip yet? Because the bounty for that was like. A lot of money. Vaguely a cool song title. I kinda like it. Although for some reason it reminds me of The Evil Within’s Japanese title, Psychobreak. So I think I like it less because of that. Not the worst title, but maybe the lowest of the COOL EDGY song titles. Fucking love the piano part in this one though. 7/10

The Sound of the End Really super cool and sexy song title. 2B is going to die but she can’t let anyone else get hurt because of it. She’s already done so much damage. This song is really dramatic sounding. The title is dramatic. Love this one a lot. The actual playable segment is kind of a struggle. But I think that’s the point… 10/10

Weight of the World / End of YoRHa I once got into an internet fight because I said this song is about every character except 9S because of the line “I’m only one girl”. I was corrected that the Japanese version is basically EXCLUSIVELY about 9S. None of this is relevant at all I just wanted to remember it. I still do not like 9S. Thematically a brilliant title. Everyone feels like they must do so much… but you cannot bear the weight of the world alone. Ending E legitimately makes me cry. Whenever I think about the messages from other players supporting me? It’s a lot. What the fuck. 12/10

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

][All questions for otp meme for Pascal + Rhys][

@blind-mutant

Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

Pascal is the man who knows everyone's order before they get there. Rhys is no different and perhaps Pascal slips a cookie or two for Rhys. The man just seems so skinny and cute...how could Pascal not bleed his heart out all over the place when looking into his little face?

Rhys meanwhile, is smitten with the weirdo who gives him free coffee and extra snacks at the price of hearing terrible jokes. There's some worry when some nights Pascal is incredibly clumsy and seems to shake and stare off into the distance...which only draws Rhys in more at knowing that the barista isn't perfect. Which only makes him MORE perfect and hit-onable.

Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the backrow slacker?

Rhys tries hard in school, he has to if he wants to prove himself and actually stay at the institute. He works hard but things are harder for him, what with being a gay disabled albino mutant. A bigger shit could not hit the fan...that is, until blind rich boy Pascal Solberg arrives and he's brought a big fucking fan.

Pascal is thrilled to be at a school with actual people. Everyone adores Korra and he seems to have an answer for everything! But Rhys sees through this shit and he's determined to find out why Pascal knows far too many things than he should...definitely not because Korra is very cute and so is Pascal!

Rivals to loves AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons? 

In the institute, Pascal loves teasing and bullying Rhys. It gets him more attention and even without his future sight, Pascal knows that Rhys will be safer, that other patients will be better off if he's paying for actual mistakes rather than letting anyone else suffer. It hurts, but Pascal would take this paik in stride...if not for how annoying Rhys could be.

Rhys??? Oh he's onto Pascal. Knows that he's with a dumbass who wants to hurt himself and is only going to end up dead. It isn't often that a fancy prick ends up in such a place like this...and yet Pascal is here. He doesn't talk about why he ended up at the institute, but he seems to have something up his sleeve and Rhys wants in on it.

Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides? 

Its...certainly a thing for Pascal church to join up with an anti-mutant church, but he has some...worries about the fact that he is essentially similar to a mutant, as well as the fact that Pascal's mother seems to be inclined on keeping it a secret to the rest of the church as well as the mutants that the church frequently attacks. He doesn't like it. He doesn't enjoy being used to hurt people. But Pascal does like the pretty mutant that called him a shitbag before swearing when Beast tells him that Pascal is the target.

So now...he lives at the X-Mansion? X-house? Pascal is there and things are awkward, especially when Rhys gets put on his shift of watching Pascal. But the seer is secretive with the full extent of his powers and seeing everyone happy at the mansion as well as Rhys getting kinder when he learns that Pascal was unwilling in hurting people...it makes the seer certain in what he has to do. He needs to protect the Institution and all of its inhabitants.

Especially Rhys, who still calls him a shitbag, but now laces it with teasing affection as well as 'Scal and Firefly. Who sounds so happy and sents Pascal's heart reeling when he coos over Korra. Murder is easy depending on who it's for.

Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate? 

Of course Pascal wants to meet his soulmate. Who wouldn't? They'll be the only other person who really understands him now that Cassandra is gone. He doesn't care what category his soulmate is, whether he'll get a partner, a friend or family member, Pascal just wants to stop feeling so alone in this world, even if he has two beautiful children who meow and bark at him. His soulmate is perfect, no matter what.

Rhys however, jesus fucking christ he can't have a soulmate. He's a shitty person, next is the fact that Rhys is homeless and a mutant. He isn't what anyone would want honestly, especially when Pascal is the leader of a whole fucking church. That definitely sends Rhys reeling and now Pascal needs to try and take on the mission of wooing Rhys and letting the smaller man know that Pascal won't hurt him. He wants to only make Rhys happy.

Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)

Rhys and Pascal are both messes of fathers but they try and they love their kids. Rhys's kid is the last he has of Blue while Pascal had no choice but to try and be there for his kid after he killed their mother. It's hard to provide for them but our idiots do try...and it gets harder, maybe easier when Pascal's kid starts to declare that Rhys's kid is their best friend. Well...Pascal and Rhys being dilf friends forever??

Its certainly easier when you have someone to support you and knows what you're going through. Rhys is always reassured by Pascal's visions and Pascal definitely needs to emotionally and maybe lean on Rhys's for support when he convinces him to not helicopter parent his kid. And perhaps there's nights of crying over people they've lost, what they've done. But there are also nights where the kids giggle and gag as Rhys and Pascal stare at each other a little too long and accidentally refer to reach other as dad. Sometimes a family is two bros, their kids from traumatic stories and extra hairy and hairless kids.

Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient? 

Rhys needs hospital for the first time in a long time and FUCK does it feel terrible. He almost wants to leave and throw up before his attention gets caught to the weird guy with a guide dog arguing with a blind 12 year old about whether or not telling the script of ratatouille counts as telling a story. Well. Rhys is blind. That means he counts and gets to join in on listening to "stories for the blind" while waiting for his name to be called out.

He does eventually, and much to Rhys's surprise, Pascal actually offers to stand with him. He cuts his story short and leans in close to give Rhys a run through of what will happen in his appointment and if it's that bad, Pascal is happy to make sure a doctor keeps their hands strictly professional. Rhys is...actually really happy, especially when Pascal asks if Rhys can have a lollipop and then if he could have a lollipop. Hospital trips suddenly seem better when Pascal is there being a goof and wanting to help out with more in his life.

Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other? 

The obvious answer is "Rhys gets hired to guard prophet man" bUT. Pascal guarding Rhys while he's on a recruitment mission for the mansion? Could be cute of Pascal admiring Rhys's dedication to wanting to help out a child and to get them to a safe space, but could also be incredibly funny if Rhys assumed he was being guarded by a human and uh. Wasn't the nicest.

Unfortunately, Pascal's greatest sexual fantasy is being someone's doormat so he takes in in stride. And perhaps a part of Pascal doesn't actually want to tell Rhys what he is...mostly because it's funny and it'll be even funnier when they go back to the mansion and Pascal can have a lased beam battle with Cyclops.

Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this? 

Rhys is a captain that is always pleased to have non-human and capable crew members. The new boy is clumsy and soft, but he's cute and a hard worker so Rhys is a kind man who will let him stay. Especially when the boat rocks and Rhys gets pressed into a warm chest, gets to feel Pascal awkwardly laughing deeply and a comforting hand on the small of his back. Oh, he definitely needs to keep such a pretty boy that smokes so nicely when Rhys teases him.

Pascal knows he should tell Rhys he's a prince. The heir to the very seas they sail on. But it's hard and the Irish Phantom is so beautiful, much more beautiful than any suitor Pascal may be destined for. It isn't a hard choice to lie about who he is and to swallow nervously when his captain smiles and flirts in a low voice, feeling rough hands squeeze instinctively when they almost fall over. He'll tell Rhys soon. Soon.

Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

Pascal is smitten by Rhys. His family comes to the church every week, not exactly aware of what the people of the last light worship, but Pascal is smitten by Rhys. Cassandra gags, winking her many eyes before they shut and hide away when Pascal blushes and tells her on mom. Rhys is nice and one of the only children of the church, which is why Pascal is addicted to knowing more about Ireland, about Rhys and to feel the little shadows dance around his fingers. He loves hearing what darkness is supposed to sound like.

Rhys loves the other odd boy too. It's easy to when Pacal adores his powers and actually asks more about him. Rhys has his very first friend for years until he doesn't and he's alone in an institute, reeling and a part of him wishing that he could be back at the church, laughing himself silly at Pascal and Cassandra having a real life pokemon battle (that ended with Cass using a rock type love by throwing a rock into Pascal's face). He still thinks about Pascal every day and what else can he do but cry when he hears the sheer awful jokes that could only come from Pascal when he walks through a park one day?

[inevitably-johnlocked]

sup steph! can u plz recommend some short johnlock fics? (short as in 1-2 chapters) ik this is incredibly vague but just give me ones that you may like hehe thanks :D

Hi Lovely!

OHHHHH Gosh, I have so many short Johnlock fics… and I know single chapter fics that are 30K words LOL LOL! So I’ll assume you’re looking for a shorter wordcount fics, as opposed to chapter count, LOL.

First of all, you can check out these past “short fic lists” I’ve done!

Ten Fave Short Johnlock Fics (Easy Reads April 2018)

25 Fave Johnlock One Shots (April 2018)

Fics Under 2000 w.

I think I’ll take this opportunity to post up the next set of “Under 2000 w.” fic list, how about that? :) If you want something other than that, let me know, and I’ll look for something else for you :P As a side note, on every one of my personal rec lists, all my shorter fics are always listed first, so if you like the topic but just want a quick read, go ahead and check out the first few fics until you hit a word count too big for ya

FICS UNDER 2,000w. PT. 2

When Morning Comes by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 423 w. || Christmas Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lazy Mornings/Morning After, Fluff and Angst, Sleepy Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling / Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort) – “Sherlock,” says John solemnly, “I’m not sure we can go anywhere today.”

The Moment When by drekadair (K, 509 w. || TGG Fic, Friendship, First Person POV Sherlock, Introspection, Worried Sherlock) – Sherlock sees John in the pool, and doubts. Set during the end of “The Great Game.”

Do You Love Me? by whitchry9 (K, 641 w. || Friendship, Family, Epic Bromance) – John asks Sherlock perhaps the most important question.

New World, Old Words by thedeafwriter (G, 641 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Always John) – It was disconcerting to experience. One second, he was laying on the table, breathing in the gas that would make him sleep, the next, he was dragging his eyes open to look around the bright room, trying to wake up.

Promise of Sussex by LittleLongHairedOutlaw (T, 705 w. || First Person POV Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Angst, Pining, Ambiguous Ending) – John tries to keep Sherlock conscious after he’s been shot on a case.

Promises Kept by grannysknitting (K+, 844 w. || John POV, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Sherlock’s Violin, Worried Sherlock, John Whump, Post-TGG) – When they were in hospital, Sherlock made a promise to himself. Now he’s keeping it. Set after ’Polygamous Marriage’ but before ’Back in the Saddle’

Possessive by Fang323 (T, 850 w. || John Whump, Hospitalization, Possessive / Protective Sherlock, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – His John did not belong. Not here. Not in this blasted hospital. It simply was not logical.

Concussions And Good Old Fashioned Awkwardness by Belldere (K+, 894 w. || Humour, Hospitals, Mild John Whump, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationship, Concussions, Not-Gay John, Possessive Sherlock) – When John lands himself in hospital… again, all he wants is to just get out of there as soon as possible, too bad his doctor has other ideas about where John may be getting his injuries. Good thing concussions make everything strangely funnier.

Burn Burn by Jenn1984 (K+, 925 w. || Post-TGG, Angst, Worried / Panicked / Possessive Sherlock) – A week after the events of “The Great Game”, Sherlock returns to 221B Baker Street to find it empty.

Devil’s in the Details (Isn’t that what you always say?) by Rae Himura (K, 976 w. || Angst, Sarah POV) – It was the little things Sarah noticed. (Or, some things even the world’s only consulting detective can’t see.)

Sherlock Is Not The One You Should Worry About by AllesandraQuartermaine (K, 1,077 w. || Sally POV, Character Reflection, Praising John) – Sally Donovan’s eyes are opened about a certain Doctor John Watson.

Sherlock’s Mind Palace by Valkyrie Of The Dead (K+, 1,091 w. ||  Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Deaths, Self Reflection) – Sherlock needs to change his mind-palace once again. He had hoped he wouldn’t, he had thought he wouldn’t, because they were invincible, weren’t they?

Idiot by Anesthesiologist (T, 1,229 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Alternate TGG / Explosion, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Inner Monologue, John Saves Sherlock, POV Sherlock) – What the heck happened? He remembered the pool and Moriarty, but then what? Had he been dying?

The Simple Separation Will Not Come Between Us by The Circus (T, 1,278 w. || Hurt/Comfort, MCD, Violence, Heavy Angst, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Prose) – The choice is simple. Real, and No John. Or Not Real, and John. For a prompt that says ‘John dies and Sherlock loses himself in his Mind Palace’

God Save The Queen by Alice Day (K+, 1,398 w. || Humour, Mystery, Friendship) – Sherlock has a new case. John is petrified. The Queen is amused.

I Was Wrong by AllesandraQuartermaine (K, 1,496 w. || TGG AU, Friendship, Hospitalization / Injury, John’s Self Esteem, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sherlock and John have a conversation a few days after the pool face off with Moriarty. And John hears something quite surprising.

Left In The Ashes by zoltargirl (T, 1,497 w. || Angst, MCD, Angry Sherlock, Brutal Violence) – Rage is a unique quality in all human beings. In Sherlock Holmes, it’s terrifying.

Angel by MrsNoggin (T, 1,513 w. || Winglock, Friendship, Chromoesthesia, Drugging) – John is an angel. That can be the only explanation. A response to the challenging request for a realistic wingfic one-shot.

Together is What we Have, Together Protects Us by Phantom of the Black Pearl (K+, 1,566 w. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Platonic or Slash, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Sherlock, Worried Sherlock, Slice of Life) – After a case one evening in the flat Sherlock voices a concern that causes the pair to consider why they’ve chosen to stick together after all that’s happened.

A Long Way To Home by PeaceLoveAndCheese (T, 1,568 w. || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Reunion Fic) – Human emotions are tiring, troublesome things. And Sherlock wants to be known as anything but that. No matter how hard you try though, you’re only human. And it’s been a long year.

Quite Contrary by Hollyesque (T, 1,805 w. || HLV Fic, Sherlock Whump / After Mary Shot Sherlock, Hallucinations / Flashbacks / PTSD, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Lestrade POV, ) – A short one-shot, alternate scene to Greg’s hospital visit in HLV. Instead of Sherlock disappearing, Greg is faced with an unexpected reaction to a hospitalized Sherlock and winds up figuring out something that he really would have rather not known.

BBCSH 'Poor Mary’ by tigersilver (M, 1,839 w.|| HLV Fic, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Missing Scene, Sherlock POV) – As the tin says above, this is a missing scene, set directly after Sherlock awakens in hospital after having been shot by his best mate’s wife. Minor angst, some pining, nothing nasty; please don’t be alarmed unduly.

Like Euphoria and Scotch by FinAmour (M, 1,856 w. || Five and One, Alchohol / Drinking, POV Second Person Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Imagination, Armchair Sex, Fluff, Happy Ending) – 5 different ways it all could have gone + the one way it actually works itself out.

One in Ten Thousand by Blind Author (K+, 1,856 w. || Post-TGG, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Discussions of Violence, Worried then Curious Sherlock, Scars/John’s Bullet Wound, Medical Anomolies) – John seems to have unusual mobility for a shoulder wound…

Caught by Salambo06 (E, 1,859 w. || Frottage, First Time / Kiss, Bed Sharing, Wet Dreams, POV John, Masturbation) – A hotel room. They’re here for a case, hadn’t planned to spend the night and ended up sharing a room. No, sharing a bed. Suddenly John is very much aware of his own hand closed around his hard cock and the ragged breathing next to him. Closing his eyes for the briefest second, John dares to turn his head just enough to confirm what he already knows. Sherlock, on his side, watching him.

Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil by PipMer (T, 1,895 w. || Deaf John, Mute Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Fluff and Angst, Character Study, Morse Code, Love Confessions) – John is deaf. Sherlock is mute. There are no two people more suited for each other.

The Adventure of the Mysterious Appearance of Tissues by Gwen’s Blue Box (K+, 1,910 w. || Fluff, Humour, Sick John, Caring Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort) – In which there is a case, John has caught a cold and is not interested in investigating, Mrs Hudson is away and Sherlock does the shopping.

They’re Taking My Wisdom by whitchry9 (K+, 1,939 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Drugging, Dentists, Friendship, Anxious Sherlock, Humour) – Sherlock goes to the dentist. Of course, being Sherlock, things have to be complicated. Oh and drugs. They’re always fun.

[pooktales]

Dannox Does Dalaran

~45min read

In an alternate universe where Kael'thas is king...

*doom music* The quaint Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran has an amateur comedy night. Dannox, a raunchy Night Elf druid, decides to do his standup routine. You may recognize Dannox from such things as my ‘My Life for My Prince’ fanfiction series. This post is LGBTQ+ friendly. It is also 18+ and NSFW because of dirty jokes. Enjoy!

...

Center stage at the Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran. A dark-pearl skinned Night Elf man with deep green hair down to his waist strides up to take the Gnomish microphone device. He smiles well, as if he’s been laughing really hard back stage with the staff already. Charcoal gray t-shirt that looks soft. Light blue, linen slacks. Unless your eyes are playing tricks, there seems to be a shadow, or an outline through the thin fabric, of his bare hip underneath and the start of a muscular thigh. He moves again, and it’s gone. Dannox has spread hands and feet apart, bracing as if he’ll have to fight the strange mic device at first, but then cuts that out quickly since the mic is not a toy. Maybe no one noticed.

His joy is genuine and infectious. It’s hard not to smile along with him.

“Hey, so before I begin—Shit, you’d think I’d be used to a moon-white spotlight in the dark, being a Night Elf, but I’m just not. Can you offensive fuckers turn that off? Okay?” Dannox cackles and squints. He looks at his dark hands, while adjusting the mic up to his height. Dannox is magnetizing in a way. Fun to watch his sly mannerisms, his voice is rich.

A burst of embarrassed laughter in the back, while the Gnome techs actually accede to Dannox’s demand. It’s not a joke, they really are trying to fix the lights for him.

“So. Dalaran. The big D. Well, the other big D. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Which… is exactly what life is like with a big dick anyway...

“Sorry if you thought I couldn’t say that word—DICK. But back to my joke. You do one guy, or lady—I’m bi—and word gets around, right? So I make it everywhere.

“Oh, Dalaran. Come on, baby. I just got here and you’re turning me on. I’m lit for a magical city right now, and that is so wrong. Wow, what a weird fetish that would be…

“Seriously, though. This place cracks me up. A fancy, beautiful city. Perfectly designed. A beacon of hope. Holy, in a way. Floating majestically through the air. And plenty of massive, purple, phallic objects poking the sky.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, I know it’s not really like that—that’s not why those spires are there. They have a real functionality. What got my mind dirty in the first place were all the snooty, Kirin’ Tor, tight arseholes walking up and down the streets… Yum.

Shocked, sort of uncomfortable laughter, but Dannox presses on, “Hey, don’t judge me. You guys been to the Underbelly, yet?” He shakes his head sorrowfully, “Don’t go down there. I mean, did you hear what it’s called? The Underbelly. That’s another low-key sex thing about Dalaran. This place is secretly very dirty, believe me. Underbelly. Do you know what’s under my belly? Well, on most nights. He’s not here right now.” Dannox uses a hand to shade his eyes, pretends to look around the room for someone. Loose laughter escapes from the back. “Sorry, that one was too easy. But yeah, so please don’t go down there. Just a lot of nasty fuckers like myself, flagging themselves to get jumped from behind by some rogue, and trying to wrestle each other—” Dannox starts laughing and cuts himself off, “All… oiled up. Well I was, anyway. Okay, I lied. I’ve been here before. Plenty of times.”

To a woman looking very serious and refusing to laugh in the front row, “Ma’am. Ma’am? I’m going to need you to loosen up tonight, okay? You’re in the hands of a professional tonight. I’m serious. I’m more serious than you are right now about that statement, do you know why? I’m fully trained at this, I was once a very successful stripper, I promise you.” Excited whistles and shouts, “I know smut and I’m proud of that, so tonight you have my express permission to laugh at my nasty jokes.

“But I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, ma’am, really I am. Please forgive me. Do you want a lap dance to make up for it? I’m being serious. Would that help? You don’t?

“Damn, I’m getting old then. Anyone here heard of Commando Dan, from Fel Candy? West side of Kezan? There must be a few Goblins in the house.”

A couple of gravelly cheers.

“Hoo, yeah! That’s me. Look how far I’ve fallen. I still got all my clothes on and people are even laughing.”

The blazing spotlight finally goes out, leaving Dannox in a darker room, offset by easy peach candlelight. Some polite applause for the lights being fixed. Then glasses click gently as people drink, begin to enjoy their food once more.

“Hey, great! I can see again, though you all really can’t see me, cause it’s dark. And your eyes have to adjust. Sucks to be you. Shout out to the other Night Elves in the house. The revolution begins now, by the way. Hail to the night, motherfuckers…”

Throaty laughter, especially from some kal’dorei men in the back.

Dannox looks down and snakes the microphone wire around the stand, to give himself space to move with it, “Anyway, I am definitely grateful for my chance at amateur night here in Dalaran.” He winks, “I intend to take the prize. I’m already a prize, I figured we’d go together.”

He turns a little to his left, sticks a hand in his pants pocket. Also, semi-sheer fabric confirmed. Nice.

“So. A little about me to start, other than my being an exceptional stripper once upon a time. Today? I’m a bum. A handsome bum, but my husband reminds me that still means I’m lazy and bum. I do nothing. This is my first thing that I’m doing, after a hiatus. Stripper in retirement. Never thought you’d see the day, right?” Dannox shrugs, grinning anew, “Actually, I do work hard, just not in the way you’d expect. I’m a trophy husband that got picked up years ago in a seedy strip club, I kid you not… stripping my clothes off in Kezan, which is a beautiful, nearly lawless Goblin Island, at least on the redlight district side. Anything goes on that side. A Blood Elf and a Night Elf can meet up, get it on, and have all kinds of adventures together in broad daylight. Faltheriel and I once had a dirty weekend that turned into… ten years now? And so I got picked up by the man who eventually became—who eventually would become—the Chief Advisor to King Kael’thas Sunstrider.

“The king? Yeah, we live in an alternate universe back home. It’s totally normal though, don’t worry. It’s like living in the suburbs—hardly anyone goes there, it’s nice cause it’s less expensive. We get crime, but it’s weirder suburbs, alt-universe crime. Like… whenever we read about Kael’thas’ new fun addictions and various shortcomings in the news. It was Murlocos Tacos last week. His daughter caught footage of him on the floor eating them while drunk or high, probably both cause it’s Kael’thas, and slurring every single thing he said. It came on all the scrying orbs. That was a rough week for him.”

Some snickers. “Yeah, you guys out here have dead, looted body Kael’thas at the end of a Quel’danas Isle dungeon. But back home, we pretty much have the Hearthstone Kael’thas which is way nicer. And funnier. I thought I’d get up here and do a Hearthstone Kael’thas impression but… yeah, he’d send some people over to kill me. He’s still an evil genius with bloodthirsty Sunfury agents. Also, ‘I’m coming doooown!’

“Haha… So worth it. Best part, when I get assassinated by Sunfury agents soon and I die, I’m totally going to ask my wife and husband to put that exact quote on my tombstone. That’ll really piss Kael off.

“And then, what is he even gonna do? Dig up my body and beat me some more?” Dannox looks down, casually kicks the wire for the mic out of his way, “Actually, I wouldn’t put it past that fel-addicted, demon-fucking motherfucker. He’s into everything.

“Anyway, we’re actually cool, me and Kael’thas. Don’t worry. And I truly like him. Since my husband works for Kael, and I am a druid after all—I heal. I heal a body good… I get to talk to Kael’thas himself sometimes if you can believe it. But it’s all so horrible. He’s a good-looking man and he knows that I’m bi. And I’m an awful person, generally. I guess that’s why Kael and I get along.”

Dannox walks to the other side of the stage, “And then Filthy—that’s my husband, don’t ask… Well, you will ask about my husband’s nickname, but I’m warning you not to, not yet, I’ll tell you later—Filthy is practically like Kael’s family at this point, so I always take my chance to rip on our lovely king. Also, Kael’s Blood Knights. Blood Knights are such easy targets. And mind you, in this alt universe, Azeroth is united, the factions are at peace, sorta. Kind of like how Dalaran lets everybody in, we’re sort of like that. Anyway, so we’re out in Netherstorm again with King Kael’thas, waiting on the Sunfury army to show up. Kael’thas looks right at me and he says, ‘I think I really like having a Night Elf man salute me, for a change.’

“And then I wink, ‘…It’s only natural, Kael’thas.’

“Hoo, boy. Poor Kael’thas. I think he was trying to be community-spirited. But, you know, he just tangled with the wrong Night Elf. Or, exactly the right one. Remember, I do like to get oiled-up first.”

More laughter.

“And then these soldiers of his, they’re taking a really long time to arrive. So one of the Blood Knights that’s already there, she turns to me. Everyone’s curious about the Night Elves, I suppose. Daphne goes… and I guess she didn’t let on yet that I’m unbelievably nasty, by some miracle. That’s what happens when hubby refuses to talk about home at work, I guess.

“Daphne asks me, ‘I heard you were the bane of Malfurion’s existence at one point.’

“I say, ‘Well, only for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time.’

Gasps, shocked laughter.

“See? I can keep it professional if I want to. And it’s fine, that’s another world leader I’m cool with. Malfurion and I go… way back. Right. In the back.

“Hey, no judgment. We all have our reasons for leaving the Emerald Dream. Am I right, fellow druids? Or, getting banned from it by a jealous wife. Hey, I’m calling her out, that wasn’t cool. She should know by now, everyone secretly loves Malfurion.

“Then I decided to have some fun with my husband Filthy—Faltheriel—who was standing right there next to me, turning beet-red, ‘What’s this, Faltheriel? You don’t look well, and your forehead is so warm. Maybe you’re coming down with something. Let’s go get you into bed, make you perfectly comfortable… then see what happens.’

“He didn’t like that. And in front of his employer, too. You see why he calls me a bum. I’m so good at being a trophy husband and jobless, it’s like I think everyone else needs to lose their job. Anyway, Faltheriel left to go do something else. Divorce me or something, I don’t remember what he said that afternoon. It’s not important.

“There was also a nice girl with them, a tall redhead named Tempest. I think she’s a retribution Paladin—Blood Knight, whatever. They all get to talking about old times, and she recalls how my husband used to be a zealot for Kael’thas, because he was. Or is. I’ll put it this way, ‘Kael’thas’ is the opposite of our safe word at home. It’s more Filthy’s trigger. Filthy gets one. One ‘Kael’thas’ every evening, and after that he has to stop. Don’t ask me how he works for the guy. I’m a sleaze, Faltheriel’s a fanboy, I guess. We struggle through this life together in our exciting marriage, putting up with all you muggles.

“I’m not joking with you. In person, Kael’thas is a very handsome man ontop of everything else and Faltheriel’s only mortal. Like I said, we have amazing, alt-universe Hearthstone Kael’thas. It’s a different outfit every hour with that guy. My favorite is nineties Kael’thas. He shows up with slicked-back blonde hair, neon shapes on his t-shirt and a giant cell phone, obsessing about how Arthas stole Jaina Proudmoore from him, and he needs revenge in time for the Dalaran Academy dance.

“Hey, I just remembered, you guys would have been there for all that Arthas in ripped stonewash jeans, shoving Kael’thas into a locker stuff. Beat, ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-beat, gooooo Dalaran!

“Anyway. Wow, I keep going off what I memorized. I need a minute.” Dannox winces laughter and pinches at the bridge of his nose, before calming down. “So. Faltheriel and his crew were all zealots back then, doing bad things for Kael’thas, but Faltheriel can get right in the danger zone till this day, remembering weird Kael’thas facts and lore, though I do love him. Tempest goes, ‘Look, I’m a Blood Knight and Faltheriel’s intense obsession over Kael’thas even makes me uncomfortable. Dannox, are you sure everything is alright?’

“I go, ‘Eh. It’s all about energy, where you direct it. Faltheriel can revv up his cute little engine all day if he wants to, as long as, at the end of that day, I’m the one who directly benefits.’

Daphne, as Tempest is laughing, ‘Uh… what?’

“I say, ‘It’s called husband physics.’

“And it is, it really is! That’s how you manage a marriage with a fanboy. I’ll only worry if Faltheriel comes home cosplaying and threatens that we need to take an emergency family vacay to Blizzcon. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when your husband likes to dress up as a succubus… you keep an eye on it. He’s going as Drag Queen Azshara next year, by the way. And there’s rumor of an ‘It’s Raining Men’ act to go with it, but Rachel and I are mostly letting Filthy have his alone time with the costume and his music for now. We’re all really excited. Albeit—each in his own way.

“Later that day, with the Blood Knights you know--the Sunfury finally arrive and it’s time for us to get moving, mount up to go someplace. I’m on my nightsaber. They’re staring at my beast. You would… I say to Daphne, ‘Let’s have somebody ride up front, and then the other person can climb on the back. Don’t worry, Faltheriel and I do it all the time where we’re from.’

“This guy Sunthraze goes, ‘In Darnassus? Or do you mean Silvermoon where Faltheriel’s from?’

“I say, ‘Wait, my wife wouldn’t want me to finish that joke.’

“Sometimes, Faltheriel does really get annoyed with me when I make those kinds of jokes with his colleagues. I mean, they are his coworkers after all. I guess that’s unkind in a way. But that’s also okay because my husband and I like to fight. Or, that other thing that begins with the letter ‘F’.

“That one too obvious? I can be subtle as well. I’m a centaur if you don’t think about that too much.”

“Now, please ask yourselves... Why was that not put in as one of the male Night Elf pickup lines? It’s excellent.”

Dannox then kindly leans down to the first row again, “While we’re on the topic, ma’am, I see that you’re smiling now. I knew you would. But I wanted to say, I am very sorry that you didn’t want that lap dance before. These are my emergency tear-away pants, as well. They’re not just awesome fitted slacks. But I need you to know, it’s too late now. Like the Goblins say, ‘If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!’ he snaps, pretending to have real attitude.

He straightens up again, as the laughter dies down, “…Well, in my case, a giant cock ring.”

A raucous reaction spreads from the cheap seats. The laughter makes it hard to hear the next part, as the woman begins talking and gesturing up at him, “… Huh? Haha!” Dannox leans halfway to listen to her, then attempts to stop his own laughter, “After the show? Really?! Wow, you’ve come a long way. Alright, I give in. Ladies and gentlemen, please clap for Offended Lady, I’ve got a convert! Welcome to the dark side. But you’ll have to run fast after the lap dance, my wife’s here somewhere. Thanks, Offended Lady, I’m so glad we’re cool now. Come find me on Tumblr later, too. I can’t follow you back, but I promise you won’t regret it.

“Well, back to me and my husband. Sometimes, I have to be reminded that I’ve got one... Oh! So Faltheriel and me arguing and fighting--it’s alright, really…

“I try not to pull on Faltheriel’s hair unless I mean it.

“Actually, when we first met, it was better. When we first met, I told Faltheriel I was a baker. Go on, you can ask me, ‘Why is that?’

“Well, you don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.

“I really love that joke. I tell that one a lot. You know, usually, there’s an upstanding person nearby—not you, ma’am. We already addressed that, like I said, and you kindly booked me tonight from 12-12:07am,” Dannox gives a sly wink and checks his watch, “But usually it’s someone with these excellent manners who warns that I’m a horrible person. Like I didn’t know that already, but it’s their duty to glare up here, gasp all shocked and say that. Do you know what I tell people who act like that? After I tell the joke, ‘You don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.’ Then they say, ‘Dannox, you are a horrible person.’

“I clarify, ‘No… I’m a baker.’

“Very innocent, just like that. Even funnier when, truth is, I do know how to bake. But I only let Faltheriel find that out years later. I waited until after we got engaged before I baked him anything. I was far more serious about the success of that baker joke than our relationship.

“But it’s true, Faltheriel and I like to fight. We always have. Though, mostly, it’s wrestling. Before bedtime. Aaaaand in this corner…” Dannox raises his voice, as if about to call a wrestling match, “they lived happily ever after.

“Also, now that we’ve been married for about a decade, Faltheriel doesn’t always listen to me. Then again, I don’t always face him while we talk… It’s win-win.

“Though, being totally serious now—You know, when I first met Faltheriel, he wasn’t facing me. Do you know how goddam gorgeous you have to be to look like someone’s soul mate from behind?!

“And I’m a good husband to him. I truly am. I make sure that Filthy never falls in the shower, whether he appreciates it or not.

“You know, I once lied to Faltheriel and told him it was still dark outside. He couldn’t get out from under me anyways.

“Another thing, Faltheriel and I don’t always communicate well. Sometimes, we just grunt and slap each other’s thighs a lot.” Dannox, now raising his voice over the laughter, “Is that weird? Maybe other couples don’t do that as much, I don’t know.

“Being married to such a beautiful man is hard. God, it gets so hard. Sorry—was that a low blow? I’ll put it away now. Though it’s been going on for so long, I’ll have to roll it up, first.

“Anyway, sometimes I say this thing to my husband when it’s bedtime and he’s not in the mood. I totally respect him for that, I do… But I say to him, ‘Filthy--’ I guess that’s his pet name when he’s being adorable, or really irritating. Both a fun challenge for me. I realize I keep switching in and out of that, I tell him, ‘Filthy, I don’t mind if you’re too tired. You can sleep, honey. Just lie on your stomach, and loosen up first.’”

Dannox hangs in there, through a mixture of booing and hard laughter, “See? It’s so simple! It is so simple to make a good marriage, you guys. A dirty, dirty marriage with a lovely woman who puts up with us and a man who used to work for the Burning Legion, and who can END you if your jokes ever fail to land.

“I can tell you, if you don’t like these jokes, that’s fine. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve already suffered enough. It was bombs over Shadowmoon Valley while I honed this joke routine in my house, I promise.

“By the way, don’t try that at home. Don’t try my sense of humor at your beloved home, not unless you enjoy having done to you what my husband used to do to his prisoners-slash-victims. Well, he still does it. But I-I get out sometimes.” Dannox rolls his big shoulder, pretends to twitch, “Like tonight.

“But I do find Faltheriel irresistible, so I admit that I keep trying to get into trouble with him. This one time, Faltheriel was really fussing at me, he really wanted me to leave him alone so he could read. Now I don’t know if I’m extra horny because I’m a big Night Elf compared to him—he’s a Blood Elf, I hope the Kael’thas thing gave that away—or because I’m just, well, totally nasty all the time, so much so, I like to give my husband a nickname that stops him from forgetting that I’m a dirty alpha male in this thing and I own his glorious ass… Told you I’d explain later in the show and that you didn’t want to know… But anyway, one evening while Filthy was downstairs reading and ignoring me like that, I just decided to compromise.

“I say to him, ‘Fine, let’s play a game to pass the time. I’ll be good if you’re good.’ He’s sensible, so he says, ‘Deal. What would you like to play, darling?’ He goes for the checkerboard. Then I said, ‘Faltheriel, this game I have is so fun. This is so easy. I’ll love it. It goes like this. Can you bend over the couch and not move for a half hour?’ He’s a sweetie and too trusting at times, so he actually does it. Then I say, ‘Also, this is one of those games where you can’t say ‘No.’

“I got slapped for that. It’s really bad when another man slaps you to defend his honor. And of course, truth be told… I liked it. Poor Faltheriel.

“Elune above, my Blood Elf husband is cute! He is so yummy. Fun fact, Faltheriel only wanted a sweet little hug last night, but in for a penny, in for a pounding.

“Though, the Cenarion Circle is probably going to come back into our lives, I think, to take Filthy away and try to find him a forever home.

“I mean, a new home with a good mummy and daddy. And walks in the park that don’t involve shagging behind the trees. And no bear-bottom spankings. Horny druid husbands are the worst, I should know.

“On another night, I told Faltheriel my balls were lonely. He brought his over to play.

“Awww, so sweet of him. Also, Faltheriel is really good at sex, but I would never tell him that. I just ask him to keep trying.

“Another thing about us, I almost forgot. When I first met Faltheriel, I got naked fast. He didn’t like it at the beginning, but he loved it in the end.

“And once, I told Faltheriel I was a piñata so that he wouldn’t stop beating me with it.

“And the most sex Faltheriel and I ever had was on the same night our wife had our first child, our twins. She was… SO mad at us.

“You know, when our wife had the twins—they’re fraternal, one Night Elf, one Blood Elf—Faltheriel forgot for a moment and went wild, accused Rachel of cheating. It was then that I reminded my husband that, um… I have sex with our wife too.

“Uh-huh. That’s right. That’s what you get when you jump to conclusions about your good spouse, Faltheriel.

“He’s not here tonight, actually. Faltheriel couldn’t make it. That’s why I’m really ripping on him, I guess. But my wife’s here, I think I said that earlier. Hi Rach, say hi. She’s a knockout, isn’t she? She’s so sweet and so kind, and hopefully, this wonderful Human woman won’t lock me in my cage later…

“And you know another thing, three-way marriages are interesting. They are so interesting. Women change, their appetites grow or something and you adapt in weird ways. Our wife gets so horny at times, it really does take the two of us. Wow, she looks mad at me now. Guess I shouldn’t have said that. But, then again, when she holds out, it’s like the world is coming to an end for us men.

“Just kidding, Faltheriel and I are perfectly fine.

“Sorry hun, it’s true. You shouldn’tve got us that set of matching spoons for the holidays. It’s just too bad. That cheap gift you got was like homo-erotic Kaja-Cola, it gave us ideas.

“I’m an idiot, I apologize. Anyway, this one time… the best stories start that way, have you noticed? So this one time when Rachel wasn’t there, Faltheriel came straight upstairs after work and found me in bed with another woman. God, he’s so adorable… After I put the mirror back and slipped the pink scrunchie from his soft, soft, ponytail, he calmed down and it was an amazing night.

“Seriously, though. My husband Faltheriel is so man-pretty, we only realized our wife had none of her own lingerie like… a week ago? And we’d been together for ten years? Yeah, it’s like that.

“So Faltheriel buys me my own lingerie, for once. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any of the fuzzy, silky, or bright colored stuff he brought home. Eh, the see-through stuff was okay. The really super-short, see through stuff I was already poking out of, that we could do each other in immediately—that, I liked. Nice guy, but he really wasted his money on me, I tell ya.

“Alright, last joke. It’s June and I know everyone’s hot in here. You’re all ready to finish up and call it a night. So I’ll try and end on a respectable note.

“It isn’t June? Well, I know that, I don’t care. Listen to the joke, goddammit.

“Ahhh, my wonderful husband, Filthy,” to rising, expectant laughter, “Faltheriel ‘Filthy’ Darkweaver has the best ass in the world. It feels like I’m fucking a magical rainbow in there. Was that one too obvious, because it’s Pride Month? Did you know that big, horny, sweaty, well-hung unicorns fuck rainbows? Nice image. Yeah, enjoy your Pride Month.”

Dannox nervously puts the microphone back and waves once, while people scream laughter. “If you liked my set, please tell the very nice Legerdemain Lounge staff. I’d love to come back. Oh, I never said my whole name. I’m Dannox Silvermoon Darkweaver. That’s right. That was my real last name, I was a dream come true when my Blood Elf husband finally found me and saved me. For me, every day is Pride Month because I’m so proud of my family and so happy to be here these days. It wasn’t always like that.

“And Rachel honey, I’m so grateful to you for loving me and letting me be me. I’m coming straight home to you baby… after this one lap dance,” an anxious laugh, as Dannox checks his watch, “Uh. I want to thank you all for a lovely show. Night, everybody.”

More whistles and another round of cheers. Then, the Night Elf man confidently jogs off-stage.

…

Aww, thanks for reading this far if you made it!

Were you in the audience? What do you have to shout out, or ask Dannox after his set? He might respond.

@elendeare

[yugirl-with-dragons]

What are some of your thoughts on Vrains so far?

Oh I love it! I am so glad about how they’ve been writing Vrains so far!!

Things that I liked:

I love Yusaku okay

I love Takeru too

and I love Ryoken as well asdfghj

the plot is actually consistent (way more than previous ygo series anyway) 

Yusaku has some Yusei vibe and that is amazing to me. They could be besties, I feel it

the protag has an actual trauma to deal with, just like other characters of Vrains do (PTSD in Yugioh? wow)

even if the duels are pretty complicated and long (the card game changed a lot…) they’re still very well managed, kudos to the animators

all the different summonings!!! even rituals! that was amazing

I loved the shift from Knights of Hanoi being the big evil enemy to being the allies the protags desperately needed. They were also very honest and that was very much appreciated

Lightning was a good villain… very cruel… very good

AI’s decision of fighting humans is still a mystery but I am sure the writers won’t let me down

AI’s human form is too pretty ??? that’s illegal

I don’t know how AI could possibly be modeled after Yusaku but that makes it even funnier to me

ROBOPPI IS ADORABLE

Emma is amazing !!!!!! one of the top fav Yugioh girls for sure !!!!!!!

I actually liked Flame a lot too? fav Ignis (together with AI)

some eps’ animation was flawless…. my heart rejoices

Things that I didn’t really like:

Go Onizuka’s development was utterly CHAOTIC (he also kept losing duels, bruh that’s so sad, I’d question my existence too)

Aoi’s development was CHAOTIC as well (I still don’t get the point of Blue Girl)

Kusanagi lost many points for me, especially after the duel he was forced to have with Yusaku e.e

Bohman was also a weird character, I disliked him more than I liked him

Brave Max genuinely ANNOYS me every time he’s on the screen, his adoration for Playmaker is disturbing, please delete him!!!!

too much screen was given to the frog and bird journalists lmao they annoyed me too

what happened to Yusaku’s parents… are they dead… are they alive… we don’t know, I wanna know

there was one episode (spoiler, when AI left Yusaku while dueling Bohman) that was PAINFULLY BAD ANIMATED. I cringed throughout the whole thing and couldn’t enjoy a single frame ughhh (which is a shame considering all the feels the episode was supposed to give us)