#omg me too i forgot how to use tumblr

[arhvste]

me trying to be nosey and literally forgetting how to send an ask…..FUCKKKK BUT HIIII LOML(pretending like we dont talk every day ish)

PHAHAHA omg loml it’s been centuries 🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨🫨

[lecsainz]

anything with Trevor Zegras I’m begging girl!

˒ ⌕ HOCKEY BOYFRIEND

parings: trevor zegras x hughes!reader

summary: that one where you're jack hughes' twin sister and post about your relationship with trevor on insta.

an: I've been working on this smau for TWO days because tumblr kept deleting everything I wrote when I hit return? I have no idea what was going on.

( last work || go to main masterlist )

private account

liked by yourroommate, your_ex and 108 others

ynhughes I say yes, obviously 🙄

56 comments

trevorzegras fuck , I'm so in love with you.

yourbestie wait WHATS THAT??!??

⤷ ynhughes u already know luv

⤷ yourcollegebestie you didn't tell us, you sneaky!

⤷ ynhughes I did tell you! I called you seconds after we had our first kiss.

⤷ jackhughes WHAT?

⤷ lhughes_06 It's been a while, jack, relax.

⤷ jackhughes how did you know and I didn't??? I'm her twin!

⤷ lhughes_06 I'm the favorite brother 🤩.

⤷ ynhughes actually, it's quinn.

⤷_quinnhughes I KNEW IT.

trevorzegras OMG, you're my girl.

⤷ ynhughes and you're my hockey player.

⤷ jackhughes stop with this sweetness. ynhughes stop being bitter, jack.

jackhughes can’t believe that u aren’t single anymore.

⤷_quinnhughes me too.

⤷ lhughes_06 same.

⤷ ynhughes you guys are jealous 😤

yourcollegebestie your ex liking the post 😅

⤷ yourbestie lol 😂

⤷ ynhughes going to block him now, I forgot about him 🥴

⤷ yourbestie he's going to want to fight trevor.

⤷ yourcollegebestie he's calling the UMICH football team to help.

⤷ yourbestie 'cause no UMICH guy can date you now that you were my exgirlfriend.'

⤷ lhughes_06 that guy was a suck, I warned you.

⤷ ynhughes well, that's why he's an ex.

edwards.73 now it all makes sense why she didn't want to hang out with us anymore, ditching friends and parties for a MAN.

⤷ markestapa what a letdown y/n/n 🤧

⤷ ynhughes he's not just any man, he's MY MAN.

⤷ lhughes_06 what do you mean you guys hang out without me and with my sister?

⤷ lucca.fantilli she's cooler than you.

⤷ lhughes_06 NO SHE AREN’T.

⤷ rutgermcgroarty yes, she is!

private account

liked by yourbestie , lucca.fantilli and 189 others

ynhughes weekend at the lake house with the ice boys.

67 comments

rutgermcgroarty jack having more photos than her boyfriend 🤣.

⤷ ynhughes he's the favorite brother of the week.

⤷ lhughes_06 u said that I was.

⤷ ynhughes that was before you ate all of my chocolate stash.

yourbestie and no photos for us to make memes of them?

⤷ ynhughes unfortunately, none.

trevorzegras 7 million smiles, and yours is my favorite.

⤷ ynhughes I love you, ice man 🩵

jackhughes I want a credit for the photo I took.

⤷ ynhughes I want credit for all the non-hockey photos you post then 😙

yourbestie miss you girls 🤧

⤷ yourcollegebestie you should have come too 🥺

⤷ ynhughes let's go out just us next summer 💃💃💃

markestapa you don't post a picture with us.

⤷_quinnhughes we're more important 😎

edwards.73 are you holding a hamster?

⤷ ynhughes yessss, his name was mr. bernard.

⤷ rutgermcgroarty aww, how cute.

⤷ lhughes_06 what an ugly name.

⤷ jackhughes ugly guy is you, not the mr. bernard

⤷ ynhughes and that's why my favorite brother is jack, not you, luke.

⤷ jackhughes thanks sis love you too, y/n/n.

private account

liked by edwards.73 , markestapa and 302 others

ynhughes missing hawaii and my boy who's now all about hockey. why did I start dating a hockey player anyway?

82 comments

trevorzegras cause you love me.

yourroommate still can't believe you guys traveled in secret.

jackhughes stop kissing my twin sister.

⤷ trevorzegras sorry, jack, but NO.

_quinnhughes mom sends kisses and asks how's college.

⤷ ynhughes sent a thousand back to her and tell her that college is amazing (I cry every night 😅

yourbestie how is it possible you don't look bad in ANY photo??

⤷ ynhughes LOOK WHO'S TALKING, I've never seen a bad shot of you.

lhughes_06 stop making me feel alone 😭

trevorzegras missing those vacations too

⤷ ynhughes i missing you more 😕

yourcollegebestie stop stalling and let's go out now, we're already late for the party, pretty!

⤷ ynhughes putting on my heels now!

normal account

liked by jackhughes , hockeywags and 54,789 others

thehughesgirl at least he plays against my brothers, but that's the least of it.

comments were limited

trevorzegras you are art, you are the stars and the sky, you are everything.

⤷ thehughesgirl I’m so in love with you.

[michelle4eve]

Moots <33 

              (No specific order, I love all you guys!)

@aia45

-Newer moot! Hihi :) Who's your bias btw? 

@gimmeurtummy

-I literally love you, I appreciate you comforting me when I was about to cry and you're so kind it hurts 🤭 I hope we continue to talk and be bsfs :]

@lovablewh0re

- I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😚❣ MY BBY SARANGHEAYO 😡💋

@linosssss

- I dunno yet D: But here, have hearts because I haven’t got anything to say ❣️💕💓

@galaxycatdrawz

-I dunno you much yet I'm so sorry 😞 I just watch your interactions with others (sometimes I interact with you too :O) and I want to get closer with u :)

@milf-ivy

-I'm sorry, I forgot all interactions I have had with you (if i had any), you’re very sweet tho😭 But uhm here's some hearts 💕 💖 💓 ♥ 💗 ❤ 

@sashaelfel

-OMGG I LOVE YOUR ART BROO? LIKE EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GOOD AND I WANT TO EAT IT FROM HOW IT LOOKS. YOU ARE ONE TALENTED MF ❣💕💓

@bluejutdae

-Hii, I didn’t know we were moots?? I hope we can talk? <33

@livelovelaughmiko

-So sweet?? Adorable even?? Like you srsly have stolen my heart.. I smiled like a dumb fool, your lil photo bombs make my day/few days <33 Hehe :] 

@writingforstraykids

-Literally a celebrity so I'm intimidated, and I love your writing 😚 I will binge your series as promised soon 🙏

@got-me-seein-stars

- How are you doin? Thanks for checking up on me and all, I really appreciate it :] Hope you're doing alright! 

@thatonedemigodfromseoul

-You better get me some sushi so I can try it 😤And you(r)e (dog is) cute <33 Also, please stop murdering and/or committing arson 🙏

@binnies-binna-deactivated202403

- … Babes.. One moment you're there and the next you deactivated 😭

@minholing

-MWAH 😚💕💕❣❣ (I can't figure out what to say, so here's hearts ♡♡♡)

@cinnamostar

- Hihihi how are you doing, i remember smth abt this guy from a party? How's that lol, and I love your fake texts :]

@143staytiny

-Literally so fuking sweet Ily <33  your long paragraphs kinda intimidate me..but it's a-ok! Some people write long texts, some short. Alsooo WHERE IS THE PLAYLIST 😭😭 

@zee-143

-No but I actually luv u, might be stalking me though 🧐 and ur headcanons/lil oneshots  stole my heart.. Ngl I didn't know you wrote them, I should pay more attention to the authors.. We're officially besties now whether you like it or not. 😇 And we be matching 🤭

@lixxpix

-Hihihi I'm so sorry I forgot you 😔 I honestly have no idea if we've interacted before.. ilyt 😅💕💕 Mwah mwah 💋❣

@azuna-sz

-Hiii! Newest mootie here :] I hope we get to know each other more. How's your day been so far?

@viviworkshere

-Hi mon cheri, I think I've won the boop war earlier hehe. You're cute and I loved your fic, I like you, take care

@sona1800

-So sweet and very cool 😎 I have no clue what to say so bare with me D:

@crispxxxx

- I feel like you’re stalking me pt.2 🧐 But uhm, I srsly don't know what to say but you seem cool :DD

@atinyniki

-Are you ok bro, don't die. Ilyy 🤭💕 I'm a big fan

@yangbbokari

-Why are you still here lol, sending ❣❣❣💕💕💓💓

@jinnie-ret

-Hehe, hi. I love your writing :DD I like you too :DD

@cheesemonky

-First to adopt me, my momma. If it isn’t obvious enough, I rly like u! And your writing is amazing too, you’re very admirable and I’m 100% sure you’re very pretty

@theoncelerswifearoo

-My first ever moot here! I don’t think I’ve actually talked with you lol 😓 Wayyyy back when I was in my onceler phase (a year ago?), we became moots :)  I don’t even know if you use tumblr anymore tbh…

@skzoologist

-Omg when I first talked to you, I thought I was dreaming or smth.. Like, I love everything about you and you know me now?? 🤯 And now, we talk more 😌 I'm improving with my sleep schedule btw! I don't rly take baths that late anymore 🥳 

@silverstarburst

- I just watch your interactions from afar so I dunno what to say for you 😭 here’s a heart?? <33

@foivestarrsketchez

-I do not remember if we interacted before.. But you seem cool, let's be friends 💜 

@crabrangoongirl25

-I dunno you that much yet I'm so sorry 🙏💕 You seem cool and I'm kinda intimidated 

@lilistayskz

-I don't know you that much yet I'm so sorry 😞 I hope we get to talk more and become closer hehe

@homuncvlus

-I don't know you much yet I'm so sorry 😞💞 But I see you pop up a lot in my feed and activity hehe 💓 

@nyukyujs

-I dunno you much yet 😞 But uhm I like your writing and 💞❣💕

@dwaekkiforpresident

-🧍‍♀️I'm kinda intimidated by you, 😚💕

I'M SORRY IF THESE AREN'T GREAT, I WAS QUITE LITERALLY PANICKING WHILE WRITING THIS BECAUSE WHAT IF ONE OF YOU GUYS GET OFFENDED OR SMTH SO I APOLOGIZE 🙏 I LOVE YOU ALL MWAH MWAH 😚💕💋❣💓💗

IF YOU AREN'T HERE PLEASE TELL ME DD: I MUST'VE FORGETTEN ...

[thatdeadaquarius]

Was reading thru ur answered asks again (also hey lol i CAME BACK--) and like. Oh my god. It gave me The Most Idea.

So you get isekaied to Teyvat right? They hear your og language, they revere every single worf from your mouth, yadda yadda yadda. But like. How does SLANG AND THE OTHER ASPECTS OF UR OG LANGUAGE translate. I am having VERY heavy flashbacks to Pokemons "jelly filled donuts".

So like-- for example: (this is the first one that came to my head dont judge me i am tumblr trash) (lets also assume that traveler has perfect understanding of ur language and slang and all the nuances of it)

Lets say you and the traveler were hanging out with some of the Vision holders, and the traveler had some shenanigans and pranks or something planned. After they pull their shit, you say "i hate you so much (affectionate)". Which kind of throws the Vessels in for a loop because like-- their god literally just said they HATED someone. And hate is a PRETTY STRONG WORD. So they should DEFINITELY strike them down for catching their gods ire but-- AFFECTIONATE????? how does one hate someone affectionately???????? Does this mean their god hates the traveler but decided to recind their hate last second? Is it some form of Divine and Holy emotion that cannot be described by the mere words of their language????

Meanwhile youre just there vibin and having a blast with the traveler while you casually give them a philosophical crisis AHAHAHA

Another example is shortened words-- because i know teyvat doesnt have shit like "ily" or "omg" or "lmao" or "fyi" or "brb". Because honestly, without the cultural knowledge and background of the internet, these sets of letters are just fucking GIBBERISH.

And i know that like-- i know enough internet slang abbreviations that i can literally just talk in jumbles of letters, so how in the WORLD would the vessels interpret that? Because its very clear that their god is just using the letters of their language, HELL they might even use Teyvatian letters so what in the world are they saying????

So theyd just hear a convo between the traveler and reader thats like:

Reader: traveler, i gtg asap; tldr i forgot some stuff back in the cr brb

Traveler: wait fr?

Reader: yeah fr

Traveler: lol f

Reader: (sighs) ffs man-- anyways brb for real

Traveler: cya

And the vessels are just watching the exchange like "huh?? What????? What just happened here??????" And theyre just wondering if they used teyvatian to talk in the "divine language of the gods" but nah-- yall are just dickin around AHAHA

Hey, so it came to my attention some of this was AAVE, and while i am southern so things like "ya'll" got included w/o me thinking - thats not an excuse for me to use this as a white person.

so if you wouldnt mind letting me please know if i do this as we talk abt language more and more - i do not want to repeat shit like this again.

I'm genuinely sorry to any black readers out there.

I've personally seen and cringed with you when I see imagines/reader things that assume a white person as default,

All I can do in ur eyes is promise that I am actively putting a stop to my ignorance of things like AAVE, and ask for forgiveness (which you arent obligated to give, never feel that way).

So with that in mind, read the ask below with caution, although it has since been edited.

____

ITS YOU!! >:D

A treat for ur ask my liege 🤲🍪✨️

I think u were literally the first asker after my first SAGAU/Isekai language brainrot post!! Omg u came back with a banger LMAO

What in the public menace is this...

(Gif is traveler and u pranking bitches)

Traveler knowing our world + language + SLANG?? INTERNET?? is SUCH A CONCEPT

So much room for inside jokes

I absolutely love the first one u said about phrases these days/gen z ig? slang

Its like so dramatic now that i think about it

Hate / love / dead / die / just straight up threats towards ur friends as affection or if theyre annoying u 😭

So many explicitives that make it hit harder too "go fucking die, my love <3"

^^^Or yeah like contradictions lol

♤

I think it was @nexylaza (srry abt the tag!) who replied to one of my earlier asks about blunt language how that might sound like to Teyvatians like ur emotions sound more extreme than what u actually feeling (which makes sense ur literally using hate = mildly dislike LMAO)

Same situation here like what u said ^^^

♧

(Ok i did lovely Aether awhile back so we'll go w/ Lumine this time! <3 u Aether!!)

.

*idk at an event/party for your arrival or something, and ya hungry fucks r hoarding the buffet table lol 🍻

.

You: "Shut the fuck up Lumine-"

Lumine: "Why r u pouring ur drink like ur in a earthquake lmao? Shaky hands lol"

.

*The immediate area of people around you go dead silent

*Lumine laughs

💀💀!!

.

Lumine: "Your gonna miss our cups LMAO"

You: "Bitch!" (u grinnin too lol)

.

*the whole rooms now quiet 😭

.

Lumine: "Don't spill- 🤣"

You: "I fucking hate you u whore <3"

(And u give the most genuine like abt to laugh smile🥰 )

.

*...a confused and kinda scared tension fills the room lol

*So poor Noelle, is like, oh. my. god. Creator is that upset with Lumine?? I must try to see what happened, how I can help! I dont remember Lumine doing anything bad to them! Shes wonderful y u do this to her 🥲

.

Noelle: "Uh, um, e-excuse me? Is every-everything al-alright, Y-y-your Majesty?"

You: "Huh? Yeah why??"

Noelle: "...w-well..."

UR FACE LIKE "😗?" LMFAO

.

*The room is staring at Lumine, in a mix of like shock, fear, and a little admiration for taking ur hate?? mood swing??? so well,,

theyre just waiting on Noelle to get an answer from you as to why you hate someone u seemed to care so much about, esp since they were ur first vessel 💀

look what you did their poor hearts u gonna give them a heart attack soon

.

Noelle: "A-a-a-a-are y-y-you s-sure??"

SHE IS SWEATIN

You: "🤨🤨??"

.

*Lumine finally notices why theyre all quiet and kinda concerned looking, bc u sure as hell wouldnt 😭 (i mean it is normal speech for u)

.

And Lumine's like: "No Noelle we're all good! It's just how Your Grace's home world, er, speaks for slang? Its overexagerated purposely dont worry love"

...

...

*Im sure they dont all believe her (or even you if u tell them 😭) and are just like,, REALLY NERVOUS CHUCKLING WHILE LIKE SWEATING-

And it takes a good like 10 minutes for the conversations to start getting back to their volume again, and they all still are looking over their shoulder checking on you guys 😰

.

(U did pour drinks w/o spillin tho🍻)

♡

THE TEXTING SLANNGGG

Ok, but u and Lumine would fucking write letters to people, and being the little shits pranksters u are,

(Bc u kno Teyvat dont got nothing else bc we're in the medival ages, besides having cameras- 🙄 )

And u guys r constantly-

"oh yes yes, that sounds all well and good Keqing, please inform the Qixing that I'll be there ASAP"

AND THEN-

"oh haha, silly me, i forgot that only Lumine/you get that stuff, sorryyyy 😋!!!"

SOME PUBLIC MENACES LMFAO PLEASE

.

And it just spreads to ALLLL the official documents u write or literally any letters sent to anybody-

And everyone else is feeling like the friend that got sacrificed to walk in the grass instead of the sidewalk 💀💀

While also being like "??¿?¿??? 🥲🥲😀😀???"

Is this ancient code?? Why does Lumine get to know it??

Why dont the like??? really old deities understand it??!!

But then nerds like Tighnari, Albedo, Alhaitham, Zhongli, Sucrose, Ayaka, Kokomi, Xingqiu, Childe, Yanfei, Shenhe, Kazhua, Sara, Ayato, Heizou, Cyno, Kaeya

Try to "solve" the letters or slang, poor things and not a single one of them gets it (y did u do this to them lmao)

(God i finally looked at a character list so i wouldnt leave anyone out, but theres so many of these fucks by now help)

^^^But all these ppl try to solve it in different ways/for different reasons that im too lazy to type out individually, u can see it right??

Some see this as an ancient scholarly code thing, some of them think of it like a rlly hard puzzle, and some just rlly want to put the mental effort into knowing/not being left out 😭😭

.

And if anybody happens to see some letter exchanges w/ Lumine or like any written responses, you do not. stop. using. text slang. back to back.

(Like what u put in the ask💀)

And its so miserable for those characters mentioned especially, bc they look like scrambled letters 😭

.

Honestly them seeing u two talk to each other via letters just proves that the letters even mean anything at all to them, bc how did u understand each other, otherwise???!!

.

(No one would ever realize u guys were fucking around unless u told them 💀)

✨️Sorry✨️this✨️isnt✨️that✨️great✨️i✨️just✨️wanted✨️ to✨️ expand✨️ on✨️ what ✨️u ✨️already ✨️had ✨️nothing ✨️new✨️ 🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

I felt feral and out of it when i wrote this, i literally dont remember a single word i typed on that bullet list..

SO i still have asks/requests im gonna answer but i will be posting my follower event poll!! CLICK ME :) ♡

Yall get to choose what i write about for some posts :D

(You can be a new follower!)

✨️

BTW

UR SO BIG BRAIN SMART 2ND RANDOM U EVEN THOUGHT ABT TEYVATIAN LETTERS GETTING INCLUDED ADHJSLALASLL

WHAT A GENIUS

I hope my shit writing was somewhat ok of a reply to read to pay u back for that great idea lol

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds

@karmawonders

[stylessatellite]

Coach Harrychella 🎡

From my Tech on Tour series

A/N: Although there’s ppl used as y/n in this there’s still no official face claim for y/n. Also I’m sorry if the formatting is weird. Tumblr was being weird and not letting me save this with photos next to each other.

- Feel free to like and reblog as well <3

Liked by user1 and 180,633 others

coachella: The Party & The After Party

view all 5,471 comments

user1: justice for abel: give him a full set

harryfan1: AHHHH HARRY!!!!

billiexharryfan: Billie x Harry collab when?!?

liked by paulithepsm, ynfan1 and 42,565 others

y/n_tech: here’s some coachella bts… see y’all in a few hours

view all 1,657 comments

harryfan1: spare an outfit sneak peak?? 

y/nfan1: tell my why I forgot that y/n can wear clothes that aren’t black?

Liked by tpwkfan1 and 122,317 others

harryflorals: HARRY’S OUTFIT FOR COACHELLA TONIGHT! via harryfan5

view all 741 comments

harryfan2: OMG discorry!

↳ tpwkfan1: harry in his disco ball era?!?

goldenrryfan: MIDDLE PART! I REPEAT MIDDLE PART!

y/n via insta stories:

Liked by harryfan_tpwk  and 4,947,065 others

harrystyles: Coachella, April 2022. 

view all 34,561 comments

harryfan_tpwk: LIFE CHANGING

hs_updates: ❤️❤️❤️

harryfan10: my mom likes you now because you brought out Shania last night 

y/n via insta stories:

Liked by harryfanpage and 60,692 others

harryupdates: FIRST LOOK AT COACHELLA NIGHT 2 OUTFIT via: bluebirdrrystyles

view all 262 comments

harryfan3: cowboyrry>>>

↳ hsfan: save a horse? 

fan20_tpwk: AKJHUDHBKASBJ 

Liked by harrystyles, anthonypham and 68,072 others

y/n_tech: Coachella you were a dream <3

To H, the band, all of the fans, and everyone on tech/ crew with me; you made getting up at 6 am after going to bed at 2 1000% worth it

view all 3,065 comments

harrystyles: Wouldn’t want to wake up that early with anyone else ❤️

↳ y/n_tech: you woke up at 6 to kiss me goodbye, then went back to sleep for another 4 hours. doesn’t count :)

    ↳harryfan6: not y/n dragging harry 

anthonypham: my camera and caffeine buddy 

Liked by y/n_tech, harry_lambert and 5,205,499 others

harrystyles: Coachella ll, April 2022. 

To my band, crew, horn players and everyone at Coachella who worked so hard putting this show together, I thank you. 

To my y/n, thank you so much for staying awake for me and making sure everything went perfectly. I love you and you don’t have to get up before 9 anytime soon ❤️

And to everyone in the crowd, thank you from the bottom of my heart for making it so special. I had the absolute time of my life. H

view all 43,674 comments

y/n_tech: I love you too h. Now if you need me I’ll be sleeping

anthonypham: ❤️❤️❤️

hs&y/nfan: the matching insta posts>>> 

↳ fan7_tpwk: matching how?

     ↳ hs&y/nfan: y/n’s first photo is the same aesthetic as harry’s and the matching captions about y/n’s sleep schedule

[celabi]

I’m sorry but scummy scara has been living in my head rent free and I’m always checking your blog to see if you’ve posted more about him alsjshsk.

Here’s some of my brainrot about him:

✩ he once noticed you forgot to eat a few times and now he’s insisted on making lunch for you a few times a week! (Ei’s very shocked to find him in the kitchen with one of her cook books open but after an outburst from him, she doesn’t question it further). He brings you all sorts of things he’s made and watches in delight as you eat it all. You don’t need to know that his cum has been mixed into everything and he’s tucking himself in as close to the table as possible so you can’t see how hard he is as the thought of a part of him being inside of you as you go about your day. It comforts him to know that even when you go to your separate homes at the end of the day, there’s still a part of him with you.

✩ similarly, he’s always worried that you’re not drinking enough and so he’s offering his water bottle to you all the time!! Yeah, it’s so he can have something that you’ve put your mouth on but if you’re staying hydrated too then it’s a win for both of you, right? You don’t need to know how he’ll savour the taste of you (or even your lipgloss) on the bottle when he’s alone.

✩ on the note of makeup, I’m sure your lip balm/stick/gloss/whatever will always go missing because he’s always stealing them. You don’t know that either though, you just know that your friend Scara is kind enough to give you some money when you’re upset about losing your makeup so you can buy some more! He just loves using them and fantasising about how you’ll taste when he kisses you!!

✩ also Scara helping you with some class project and he has this super cool trick to help you filter through searches, he just has to download something for you! Yeah he does what he says but while he does “all the boring technical stuff” that he says you don’t need to pay attention to, he’s downloading his own malware that lets him access your computer remotely whenever he wants. He’ll get off to your pretty face through your webcam when he returns home and omg imagine he finds out about your tumblr blog!

Oof sorry that was a lot lol. I have a few other idea but I’ll save those for another ask ;) Can I be 🫧 anon or 🪷 if bubble is already taken? Hope you had a good Christmas :)

Love this so much, 🫧 anon, welcome 🥺🫶

He’s soooo freaking cute, how he stares at you with excitement bubbling up in his chest when you bite down into the sandwich he had so generously made for you the night before. Wether he used the excuse of ‘I accidentally made a second one’ or not, none of it mattered because when he saw the way your eyes lit up as he handed it to you, or how you so adorably thanked him for his thoughtfulness— he knew he had just gained a few extra points towards his end goal.

“Hm? Theres a weird after taste the mayonnaise leaves on your tongue? Oh, I’m sure it just cause… it’s a knock off brand! So don’t worry about it too much.” He’s smiling at you so innocently, with pure looking eyes that you don’t even bother to pry any longer— and instead accept the offering he had made (specifically) for you. Lol, there’s no possible way he would have mixed his cum inside! Not a chance.

“Speaking of mayonnaise… there’s a little bit uhhh.. right here. Allow me.” Scaramouche knows he’s too impatient, and can’t bother to wait for your response— so he’s quickly leaning in close and brushing his thumb over the edge of your mouth, and ever so slightly slipping his finger between your lips to awkwardly push the sauce against your teeth. He’s blushing profusely about the closeness of your bodies and the way your tongue almost automatically lols out to lick the residue off his thumb, and you’re embarrassed because wow! That’s kinda… embarrassing. Hmm, wonder why my good friend and classmate, Scaramouche is so flushed red and sweating.

I love your brain so much :(( so cute and wholesome Aww. Lmao imagine if you didn’t have a webcam, he’d go home sulking about how his plan was ruined. Maybe he could snag your phone number instead, so he doesn’t have to email you 😕

Hope you have a happy holidays !! 🫶 thanks for interacting, 🫧 <3 (sorry this was so short and rushed, I have family over for New Years!))

[your-local-hoemie]

Imagine our favorite gingers with a constantly sleepy s/o T-T s/o just casually falling asleep on a chair during a social event coz her social battery is non existent (this is so me)

-🐢anon

Somehow tumblr is exposing my red flags better than what my therapist did, how ya’ll outing me like this 💀

Also hELLO! Yesyesyes our favourite ginger snacks are bACK!

I legit had to do this instead of catching up with Genshin because I was doing Heizou’s hangout quest and bro had me giggling and kicking my legs istg Hoyo knew what the fuck they were doing with him and I can’t handle it.

Warnings: fluff, swearing, established relationship, gn!reader, not-proof read.

Characters: Childe, Thoma.

Childe~

Dude finds it funny

Seriously had to hold back from teasing you about it 24/7 and it’s starting to break him

Ego boost 2000

At first he was very concerned!

Thought you died again 2.0

Kept asking if you were hungry or sleeping alright since he legit thought you weren’t taking care of yourself

Which you probably wasn’t knowing ya’ll, drink some damn water.

But when you told him it was just because your social battery was akin to a decomposing gummy worm, he immediately started laughing

Him being a extrovert makes it kinda hard for him to understand why social events are exhausting for you

Even if it’s just like 30 minutes

Even so, he loves his baby and will absolutely make sure to be prepared!

Always has something on him that can double as a pillow!

If he forgets it or can’t find anything then he’ll lean you against his arm or lap

He’s so casual about it too 💀

Unless he’s feeling like a lil’ shit and decides to tease you.

If you’re embarrassed about it or feel insecure about not keeping up with his ungodly amount of energy then he’ll be quick to put your mind at ease!

There’s nothing you could do that would make this man embarrassed by you

Gets suuuper cocky and proud when people look at you snoozing away against him

Mans just like-

“Yeah, I know you wish you were me right now”

If someone complains or gets annoyed by it then well

I think we all know the drill by now

He’ll help them take a nice nap too

Permanently

Or at least make em wish they could take the forever nap

Sometimes if the event or meeting is super boring which it usually is for him he’ll get lost staring at your face and admiring all your pretty features~

Ends up feeling bad when he has to wake you up but loves seeing your groggy face change from confused to panic within seconds

Usually ends up with you hitting him because he didn’t wake you up

Which usually ends up accidentally encouraging him to take you home so you can “rest” in bed >;)

Thoma~

You’re so lucky omg you have no idea

He got so concerned when he noticed you acting kinda off during a outing during one of his days off

Boy kept a super close eye on you and made sure you all stopped to eat just because he thought you had forgot to eat ;-;

when you ended up falling asleep on his shoulder he was fROZEN

Like you know when an animal falls asleep on you and you legally can’t move?

That

He panicked

After he tried slightly nudging you he simply just accepted his fate

After this happens a couple more times he eventually figured it out!

He’s good at being social given his close relationship with the Kamisato clan but he prefers keeping to himself a lot

So he’d definitely be able to understand!!

Knows how to help you recharge quickly too!!

He also grew used to you taking naps randomly when your energy was completely used up and prepared for it~

Very similar to Childe in that aspect!

Though he’s get too flustered to let you lay on his lap in public jkfjdkdkk

When it’s time to go he’ll wake you up by softly kissing your cheek or brushing it with his finger while gentle sitting you up

Doesn’t even give you a reason to feel insecure about it!

He’s so sweet and gentle that he’s just naturally comforting to be around

Always reassures you even if he thinks there’s even a slight chance of you feeling guilty ;-;

Occasionally calls you his sleepy angel if you’re being particularly cute!

If anyone gets mad about it he’ll simply tell them that if it’s annoying then you can both just leave

Has zero patience with anyone who dares to get mad at you for things you can’t help

When you both get home after a draining day he’ll make sure you’re all nice and tucked up in bed while he makes dinner

Please show him how much you appreciate him istg this boy is so precious

Look at me being productive uwu

Seriously how do people have the energy to just be social and not pass out the first chance you get it genuinely scares me-

[p-oisn]

✪ moot appreciation time ! tag some of your fav moots and share what you love about them ! then place this in other blogs asks !

okay I tried including as many ppl as possible but these are the ones I can list from the top of my head / interact w the most so </3

@pupicito : SUUPER CUTE ACC ??? like every mb is so unique n cool everyone should frame fish's mbs on their wall 🤕 n also so supportive like every post of theirs deserves a billion notes . alsososo thee most fun person to talk to ever 😞 js so sweet I wake up solely to look at fish's mbs they are so perfect i could talk abt them forever

@wiotas : I was acc so happy when I found out we knew each otber from like late 2022 ish i forgot ... (you knew me since my wannabe edgy phase but 😨) bc i rmb wanting to be your friend so bad bc you seemed so cool n now we're moots ?!?! you're so sweet liek omg ☹️☹️☹️ you always are so supportive n everytime you use my mbs as your theme i feel like biting into a brick wall BC WDYM you like my mbs enough to use them as your theme that's such an honour coming from you esp ?! 😞

@y-vna : DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ??? like oooh I'm so happy to have ari as a moot I don't even know what I did to deserve her 😞 n also you have such stunning jaw dropping toe curling stomach churning mbs like omg ???? giggling everytime I get an mb from from you bc it's literally like a blessing 🤞🏼🤞🏼 n js soo supportive

@jeonzio : scremaing and yelling everytime I look at your acc bc everything and I mean EVERYTHING abt is soooo pretty n pleasing to look at ?? you're soo sweet n also the cutest person ever !! idk what else to say but like live laugh love tee 🤕 I will forever cherish every single one of our interactions bc they are simply the cutest

@koosuvi : YOU'RE SOOO SUPPORTIVE SOBS I lovelovelove every single one of your compliments they make me want to start jumping around my room giggling 😞 n also you quite literally have one of THEE prettiest accs on tumblr like omg pls teach ... your mbs are always out of this world 😖😖 I love you n everything ab your blog never stop posting plz ill cry

@yeritos : JUNEEE my fav my fav my fav ☹️ the best nctzen on this app ugh there aren't enough words to describe my love for you 😞 your mbs are literally soooo gorgeous omg i was screaming n crying when you followed me back bc im literally your #1 fan . you're sososo nice n amazing n everything 🌸 I love waking up to your mbs everyday n eating my yeritos meal 🍴

@tookio : ONE OF THE BEST MOODBOARD CREATORS ON THIS APP literally no one comes close i mean it 😞 your entire account is sooo stunning like you really deserves ALLL the love in the world !! n omg how I love your comments they make my day soo much better I love you so much for that istg :(

@jaes1lvr : literally hugs n kisses to mely 🫂 /p one of my biggest supporters too n js super sweet 😞 your mbs are js sooo unique I wish I could plaster it on my forehead so everyone in the world could see them 😡😡 I will forever be grateful for your overwhelming support like omg <33

@s-heon : super cool person that i really really really admire 🤔 like omg i could talk abt how grateful I am to you for hours, days even bc you were like my biggest inspo ever while starting out n also your mbs 🔛🔝 im so happy I ever found your blog it has such a special place in my heart 🤕💓 i loev you to the moon n back .

[leslutdepointedulac]

*crashes through your door like big bird*

🗿 give us the rundown on how you got here! which was the first vc book you ever read? what made you decide to seek out vc fandom on tumblr?

Okay, buckle up ya'll because this is a decently long story.

So I would argue it actually started waaaayy back when I was a wee child, say about 6-7ish maybe. I would see the IWTV film on TV all the time and me being obsessed with vampires, I really wanted to watch it. Idk how I knew but somehow I had the knowledge that it was a very famous vampire story with queer characters and that it was supposed to be really good, so naturally I was like "I wanna watch that!" But my parents wouldn't let me because it's an 18 and I was a child (not that this stopped me fr begging them though lmao). This happened several times throughout my childhood and each time my parents would be like "No you're too young, you can watch it when you're older."

Skip to when I was around 15 I think, and I had this friend in school whose house I went to quite often. I was round for a sleepover one time and they told me there was this film with a banging soundtrack they wanted to show me. That film was QOTD. We watched it and I thought it was pretty decent (fyi I can't stand that film now, but the soundtrack still slaps. And Akasha! Aaliyah absolutely killed it!). When I went home the next day I told my parents what I had done at my friend's house, and that we had watched QOTD and they were like "Oh, the sequal to IWTV". Now bear in mind, I'd forgotten all about IWTV by this point and then it all came back to me and I was like "Omg no way!"

However, I still didn't watch IWTV and I forgot about it all over again. Until 2 years ago. I for the life of me cannot remember how or why I suddenly remembered it at the time, but I was chilling in bed and it came to me. So I found IWTV and watched it for the first time in my life (I was 19 at this point) and lemme tell you. It was worth waiting 19 years of my life. I loved it and thought how it was insane I'd only just now seen it, but better late than never.

Then I forgot about it again lmao. Until the 3rd November 2022. I remembered (again, idk how or why) that I had heard about an IWTV TV show so I found it and watched it and I thought "huh, that was pretty good. I like this!" And so I became obsessed.

Then I decided I wanted to read the books so in December of 2022 I bought IWTV, TVL and QOTD (it's all three in one book) and I started reading the series from the very beginning. I got even more obsessed and kept buying the series until I had them all and read through the whole thing.

In February on 2023 I joined tumblr for the VC fandom, because I had seen VCblr posts on Pinterest and thought it looked fun, so naturally I joined in.

And that more or less takes us up to now really lol. I'm still here and even more obsessed than ever. My obsession is primarily on the books since I read them. I kinda moved from the show to the books but I still have a deep appreciation for the show because that's what brought me here to the fandom in the first place. (And I still love the film too.)

I also recently, in the past couple of months, made friends with a group of people here in the fandom and I'm so glad to know them and be friends with them (including you, of course @hekateinhell 💖). I've been in many fandoms before this one, but this is the first one I've been so active in and the first one I've made friends in. I love ya'll, and I love talking to you all 🥰💕💕

Anyway, it's a long story as to how I got here 😅 It's like these vampires have always been in my life in one way or another.

Sorry this was such a ramble but yeah. There's practically my whole VC life story 😂

[kaiserkisser]

mutuals appreciation post <333

hello, everyone. this is my end of year mutuals appreciation post to thank each and every one of you here, who has put up with me enough to be friends with me. I simply can't put it into words how much I love yall and how much im grateful to all of you for being here, but I'll still try. I wish all of you a very very happy new year ❤

@delusina kaz, thank you. thank u sm for everything. you were my first mutual and i love you sm for that. almost all the friends i have right now, they're thanks to you. i still remember sending you cat pics every week in the beginning (im sorry i forgot to continue that 😭) and you and vi are the reason ✿❀ anon exists <3 ilysmm <333

@floraldresvi VIVI. ILYSM. ik ive already sent you a new year ask but still i can never express my appreciation for you enough <3 thank you sm vi for literally always being there for me, and i hope i can return the favor whenever you need :) i lovelovelove seeing you in my notifs :)) also baivi rules <333

@chosokisser mai my bbg my love /p again, ive already mesaaged you, but still, im so glad i have you in my life. if you need absolutely anything, if you just wanna talk to smn, or anything, ill always be here. in fact, we can even commit arson together if you want :DD and remember that me and choso adore you to heaven and back <333

@haithamvoid again, thank you sm for being friends with me. <33 im literally so glad for the day i opened tumblr to find mai forcing us to socialize XD we seem to have a bunch of shared interests and i remember the times we sent each other a bunch of kaiser (and gojo??) pics ehehe (also if you play genshin then on which server-)

@damyoujackson uhm thank u sm for being my irl bestie. I mean it. honestly i dont think ive actually had a friend i clicked with as much as i did with you in a long time. ik its probably not easy putting up with someone weird like me so erm tysm.. in all seriousness im really glad we're friends <33 ( we do NOT talk abt this in school OKAY.) (<- me being awkward)

@noomon you are an absolutely amazing, warm and pleasant person to be around! (And i love your aesthetic too omg) anyways you're very caring and nice and i always perk up whenever i see you in my notifs or inbox <33

@mikacynth mikaaa its been agesss i hope you're doing alright and uni is treating you well </3 again, one of my first mutuals that i interacted with bc you were a 'mutual in law' of mine hehe :) you're also an awesome and fun person to be around, so remember that me and kaeya love u <333

@yinyinggie yingg! You're such a big blog, so thank you sm for interacting with me! you're totally wonderful, and im so glad i got to participate in the ebg hosted by you hehe that was SO much fun <333(and it hurt my heart too but nvm-) anyways ilysmm <33

@alexisomnias aaah alexisss we dont interact much these days but still, i love you so so much, you are someone i always love seeing on my dash or in my notifs <3 and i adore alekav too its so cutee <333

@kitorin omg yes soutaa you're another person who shows up on my dash often and i love that you do <3 i hope you dont mind all the times ive tagged you in smth ahshshdhb i also always smile whenever i see u in my notifs so thank u smm for being moots with me <33

also to @ilyuu @m1shapanda @supernova25 @chooodles @camvrin @meidnightrain we havent interacted much this year, but ive loved seeing you guys often on my dash so i hope we interact more this next year <333 please dont mind me tagging you dhshsh

Happy New Year to all of you!!!! I hope you all have all the joys of the world and that all your wishes get fulfilled, because you guys totally deserve it 💕

I found a little something too here that i wanted to share with all of you since i thought you guys might like it <333

[tubbo--updates]

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for making and keeping up with this account. While I respect them stopping, it's sad knowing how few update accounts still live on Tumblr! You've helped keep me updated without having to download TwitterX (and honestly I get your Live notifs before Twitchs), and for that I'm really grateful. Im very nervous sending asks so ive wanted to thank you for a while but havent gotten the confidence. Thank you for spending your freetime helping us simple Tumblr folk, good luck keeping up with Tubbathon! ~💙🌧

P.S. you can ignore just has been on my brain, if you don't want to add the message about a Twitter @ linking to an account on here, you could always add a space or a dot after the @ to disconnect it. Again, thank you!

omg this is genuinely so sweet, thank you! i feel so bad i think i read this and was gonna answer it and promptly forgot (it was sent on march 1st)

i sort of feel bad abt the other tubbo accounts that didn't last too long/update frequently, sinxe i know there was one that was updating when i started this and they stopped a bit ago. i hope i wasn't a cause for that, but also if it gave them a break from updating that they needed, i'm glad i could provide that for them

i also never considered that the live updates would get out before the actual twitch notifs (esp with how late i can be on them) but honestly that's such a classic twitch moment anyways

also, never feel worried about sending an ask about anything! i absolutely love the complements and appreciation (and they do make updating easier if i'm ever in a bad spell or getting demotivated) and also any suggestions or critiques are supper helpful (even though this has been going for over half a year, i still feel like there's a lot i could improve on!)

but anyways, thanks so much for this again, i hope you have a wonderful day/night/time and laugh a whole bunch of genuine laughs this week! (and the same goes for all the rest of you too!)

(as for the @, i noticed what while for the most part if they do link to a tumblr they're not the same person, there have been a few cases where they are the same. and when that happens, those people seem to appreciate the tag/mention that comes with it, so i think that unless someone gets genuinely upset/annoyed, i'll keep it how it is (mentioning that it goes to the tumblr vs twitter if it links was also i think i put in place when it did link to someone different and ig people were assuming it was the same person) but if someone ever does get upset, i'll definitely use a dot or space like you suggested!)

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

"I’ve seen too many people streaming her album, muted on their phones all day and night long, so it gets streams." I'm an army (bts fan) and our fandom has fanbases that study how spotify and other platforms work in order to increase our numbers, because unlike taylor swift, bts does not have support from the gp and suffers a lot of xenophobia, in addition to the boycott that it happens. I can honestly say that listening to ttpd on mute will not increase streams, spotify filters the stream if you hear anything on mute. I know you probably don't like bts but I wanted to share this with you since I hate taylor swift and the swifties, especially because swifties were being racist against bts, and last year it got worse since jungkook released his solo album

omg we got an army here…tell us your secrets

well swifties…there you have it muting your devices will not bump the streaming numbers!!!

that doesn’t surprise me. ever since bts went inactive swifties rose up and think they’re unprecedented in taylor’s level of fame/wealth. its on trend with their racism and pretending other artists of color havent achieved more international success. i swear they have amnesia and forgot how HUGE bts was not even 2 years ago. afaik taylor’s never been invited to the white house and it must be secretly killing her inside

im not here to be a kpop stan ofc i just know a lot of stan twitter/tumblr lore (bc bts was way big on tumblr in like 2015-16). poor jungkook tho :(

[ministry-baker]

Knowing a fellow Ghoul's or... well, in this case, human's... scent is very important for us, Ghouls. So... yes, I suppose so. - Phil

@the-ministry-of-ghost

//tumblr's broken, can't reblog for some reason???

//and also i was so busy with kinktober i kinda forgot i'm so sorry please remind me next time

But if I go hide, it'll be more of a challenge, wouldn't it? Ok... Come find me then *she staggers through the trees trying to get out of sight*

//i just saw this i've been doing errands all day, OMG don't worry I know you're busy. How long do I let pass until I remind you? Just for my own knowledge haha

//i've been having the same issue. I can't reblog too many times or something

[iintervallum]

im not taking any side in this because i think this that situation is very overblown out and maybe could have been handled in the DMs, but I'm sorry the idea of a Homestuck racism workshop is just so unintentionally very funny lmao

more serious thoughts about this under the cut why actually giving my thoughts on this is beyond me but what the hell it's Easter Sunday

homestuck has obvious racism in it and the shortest statement i can make about it and racism in other media is: it's because the creator had or has racist bias's and they let it show in their work. that's kind of it there's no other secret hidden meaning

if a work has racist implications or tropes typically there's no hidden satire or clever writing behind it, it's just the creator being racist about it. and i don't think that's a death sentence, because we live in a racist society(society_sound_effect_boom.mp3)

but yeah there are many, many works that have racist tropes in it as a result, including works by authors of colour themselves, but i fear that discussion is too nuanced for Tumblr so I'm not going to elaborate on that

if it were me i would make instead a workshop that discussions racism in media in general and uses homestuck as an example, there are kind of more examples in more popular media that would be a better topic? and since its me i would make it about how south asians are not very represented and the few times we do get it it's stuff like never have I ever, or hinduvata bullshit, I'm getting distracted let's get back to the main point lmao

I'm sorry but Homestuck at this point in time is kind of niche because it's rightfully faded into history, one of the reasons i stopped reading the comic despite wanting to know more about it is because it's simply not appealing to me. the main meta narrative is a neat idea and i think the mixed media style it has is extremely underutilized but it's very much a "you had to be there" comic that i as someone who was a toddler at the time of it's release will probably never fully get.

most of it's jokes make it feel like a time capsule(and so does the gratitous use of the r slur i forgot how much the older internet loved that word Jesus )and everything post Homestuck about the discourse as silly as it is to make fun of just feels like beating a dead horse. it's whole "omg Homestuck is sooooo cursed and weird and it's fanbase is so strange lol" reputation feels forced at times and is honestly not that funny.

i don't think organizing a racism workshop is bad, even if a white person is doing it, though i would be giving a massive side eye, but to chose Homestuck for that is an interesting choice lmao

[sadsoftserve]

Family matters- EE minific

(A fanfiction made to explore more of Sabrina's Relationship with Sylvie) ((it literally would not let me post this omg tumblrs a hellsite))

-first person pov-

I've been this way for as long as I can remember. It damaged a lot of my childhood. I can't help it. It's like a curse. Like when you run into an old enemy you thought you killed. Thats what it's like. My Epithet is a curse, literally. "Nightmare" is powerful, but I hate it. everything about it makes me sick. But, I should've expected to have such a terrible Epithet, the signs were always there. I remember the sleepless nights I spent crying, clinging to my dad. The nightmares never left. They stayed, I've gotten used to them now, but they're always there, like a looming cloud of rain. 

Rain.

It's raining. I didn't notice. I'm soaking wet, and I'm sliding down the roof. The drop is not far to the ground, but Mom expressed her distress about me climbing down from my room like that. So I climb back in from the window, and back onto my bed. I never used my bed. I had no need for it. I couldn't sleep, no matter how hard I tried. No matter how much triazolam they prescribe, or how much sleep therapy I get. I've lived with it for the past 12 years, no reason to change it now. My bed is soft, but everyone's is. My sisters, my parents, and my brothers. My brother. His name was like a poison in my mouth, and a illness in my head. I hated it.

I hated him.

He's always been the golden child. Always been Dr. Ashling, Dr. Sylvester, my smart little boy, Sylvie this, Sylvie that. I hated it. I never got that treatment. No matter how hard I tried to be like him. My twin, my brother. We always promised to help and be there for each other. That was the first promise we made to one another. The promise he broke. He lied. I hate liars. My jealousy has always been there. I'll be the first to admit it. But I have a reason. He's always been the golden boy. He graduated college with a doctorate in Psychology at 15. And I'm here sitting in my room alone, listening to the sounds of the rain. No wonder I'm the disappointment. Believe it or not, I wanted to be a lawyer, like my dad. I was dead set on it. But, I hit a wall. Burnout hit me like a truck. I was so dead set on surpassing my brother, that I forgot to pace myself. It was a stupid mistake. I was in college too, but I started failing so hard, that, they kicked me out.

I don't think I ever cried as much as I did that day. I was 14. A little over a year ago. It was a cold day, I went to a law school in a town north called Whitestone. Whitestone University is the same place my dad graduated from. I was kicked out. They told me I had 5 days to get everything out of the dorm, and back home, and they told me that "My grades don't adhere to Whitestone's expectations". I remember calling my parents that night, my voice barely audible, and my phone covered in tears. I had failed. Failed myself, my dad, my family, and my friends who were rooting for me. I was a scholar. I was gifted and smart, I have an IQ of 145, and yet, here I am, in my room, in Sweet Jazz, listening to the rain. I wipe my face and feel tears on my sleeve. I didn't even notice I was crying. 

Knock, knock.

My door opened, Vicki poked her head though. "Mom said dinners ready." She said as she took one look at me. "Wipe your face, don't let mom see you like that, you know how she is." I knew that. Everyone knew Mom was overprotective. With Vicki's word of warning, I quickly wiped my face on my sleeve and got up. I smelt the air, only based on the smell, I know what she made. Lasagna. It was my favorite, but I wasn't feeling it today. I wasn't hungry, I was just off. And it was apparent to everyone. The dinner table was silent. The only sounds were forks dragging across the porcelain plates, and chewing. Both sounds that irritated me. I sat there, poking at my food, not really eating.

"Elbow off the table," Sylvie said to me with his shit-eating, suck-up face. I rolled my eyes and fixed how I was sitting, because no matter what I was gonna get told to do so anyway. The table went silent again. This is how most family dinners were on the weekends. Everyone was off from work or school, no one had anything to talk about. Unless Sylvie piped up with some smart doctor speak with Mom, it was mostly silent. Dad looked up from his plate and looked at me, he was always able to notice how I felt, and he was straightforward with everything, it was a trait he gained from being a lawyer.

"Sabrina." He said, his voice monotonous, and his eyes peering over his glasses. "What's upsetting you?" The way he said it made it sound more like a statement than a question, but I knew better than to stay silent. 

"Nothing." I was lying out of my ass. I couldn't lie to a lawyer, but I was. For some reason. He raised his eyebrows and clicked his tongue. The universal sign for him knowing I was lying. He sighed and took a sip of his water. The glass was placed back on the table with a soft clink. 

"Sabrina Charlotte Ashling." Fuck, full name. I should've just said I didn't feel well or something. The whole dinner table was looking at me, and Sylvie, being a smart ass chimed in.

"Don't bother. She's probably Menstrating or something." He waved his hand dismissively. In his eyes, he was probably joking, but I was already pissed off enough to not care about that. 

"Like you know shit about menstruation Sylvie." I snapped at him, jamming my fork into my food and quickly turning my head to look at him. I rarely cursed in front of my parents, hell we rarely cursed at all. I was in a mood, and it had nothing to do with menstruation. I was pissed and was gonna let everyone know. 

"Watch your language," Dad spoke sternly as he pointed his fork at me. He sighed again as he pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped under his eyes. "For someone who is upset about nothing, you sure are acting like you're upset about something." a classic from him. I've lost track of how many times he's said that. I put my head in my hands and groaned.

"As I said, it's nothing," I said again, trying to ignore the fact I felt like either crying, yelling, or vomiting. It was probably a mix of all of them. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna worry about it. You are my daughter." His stern voice was like nails on a chalkboard to me. "And I know my daughter." That was his way of saying something was wrong. He knew it, Dad picked up on things quicker than anyone else I knew, his eyebrows were furrowed, and his mouth curled into a slight frown. His voice, while it was stern, it was also caring. He meant well, I was just stubborn. The room went silent for a while, the only sounds being the occasional chewing and breathing. After a while, he spoke up again. "Sabrina, be honest with me. What the hell's going on?" I stayed silent, of course, to fill that silence was Sylvie, and his two cents.

"Probably just teenage rebellion. She probably just wants to be noticed, and gain your attention. Doesn't take a Psychologist to figure that out." Sylvie arrogantly pushed up his glasses and smirked. I hated when he did that. Put his two cents into conversations he wasn't a part of. Unsolicited advice, it was all irritating. 

"Teenage rebellion? What the hell do you know about teenage rebellion, golden boy?!" I slammed my hand down onto the table and snapped again. As soon as I did that Dad stood up and put a hand on my shoulder. He was reaching over the table slightly, but he was attempting to calm me down.

"Sabrina-" He attempted to speak, but I cut him off.

I stood up, slammed my hands on the table, and spoke, my tone cold, angry, and slightly hurt. "You wanna know what's wrong? Fine! I guess it's about time I said something!"

"Let's start with the main problem; Golden boy." I pointed at Sylvie. His face went from smug to confused to annoyed in an instant. He stood up and slammed his hands on the table in response.

"How am I the problem, Sabrina? Please, enlighten me." He stated with furrowed eyebrows.

"You're little Dr. Golden boy, that's what! It's all Sylvie this and Sylvie that, oh look at my son, he's a psychologist! I've never, not once, been praised for at least trying! I am as smart and as capable as your little golden boy. And yet I'm left alone while Sylvie gets all the praise. Maybe that's why you're so narcissistic!" I shot a look at Mom, then stared at Sylvie as I spoke. I was pissed and was gonna let everyone know. "It's not fair that he's handed everything on a silver platter! Every little thing right down to his Epithet! Maybe that's why he's successful, he's able to sleep!" It was at this point the tears came running down my face. I expected Sylvie to defend himself, but he didn't. He stood there and pushed up his glasses. He was taking into account how I felt for once. and he was thinking.

"Inferior." He simply whispered to himself.

"Excuse me?"

"You feel inferior is what I'm picking up here, Sabrina."  He sighed as he thought again. His head was pointed down, with his hand on his chin. He was analyzing my words. Why? He didn't care. Why would he? He's better than me, smarter even. "It's called an inferiority complex." He calmly stated. Dad stepped forward and put himself in between us.

"Sylvester now is not the time." He said as he looked at him. He looked at me and then back to Sylvie. "You know your sister, she's not gonna want any advice you give her." He wasn't wrong. I didn't want his two cents. But I wanted to know why Sylvie was trying to be nice.

"Let me try." Sylvie simply said. He looked back at me. "Please, Sabrina. Continue your rant." Was he using me for research? I was already pissed, he knew better than to do that.

"Like hell I am! I'm not letting you use me for your stupid hobby!" I choked out. "You wanna show off your degree go do it somewhere else." He stayed silent. His eyes were darting from place to place as if he were thinking. Tears were still streaming down my face. "Say something damnit!" I sobbed. I was shaking with anger and sadness, after a while he looked up at me. And smiled softly. One I didn't understand. He walked around the dinner table and stopped in front of me.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. He was hugging me.

I don't know what snapped inside of me, but I broke down. I started sobbing uncontrollably. It was overwhelming I felt out of place. I felt... comforted, loved, and glad to have my brother. He was an ass, and egotistical, but that was all a face he put on. He cared. My tears were soaking into his jacket, as I felt my own arms hug back. soon enough, I felt Vicki's. then Moms, Then Dads. We were all hugging each other, in true Ashling fashion. It felt like closure, why I needed it, I didn't know. But it felt nice.

[neurodiversitysci]

Panicking-over-almost-nothing Demand Avoidance

Funny ADHD story

Last week, I made the mistake of volunteering for a sleep study at my old college. They pay well, I wanted to help, and maybe I’d learn something about my sleep.

I got an email a few days ago saying "here are some times you could come in," none of which are possible, and forgot to follow up.

I got another email from their lab this morning. Haven't even opened it yet, but as soon as I saw it I started panicking. OMG SOMEONE WANTS SOMETHING FROM ME AND I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHAT IF I FAIL OH NO. 

(My hell brain believes that Making Other People Happy is safety).

Knowledge of that email has been hanging over my head distracting me and filling me with That Feeling of Foreboding ever since. Which is inconvenient, as I have an Important Errand to prepare for this morning.

I'm reminding my hell brain that 

a) I signed up for this; I don't *have* to do anything, 

b) an email is not inherently dangerous, 

c) whether I succeed or fail, having someone else expect something from me isn't going to kill me.

My hell brain, unimpressed, continues flooding my body with anxiety.

The Pattern of Demand Avoidance

I’m reminded of that awful term “pathological demand avoidance” (seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to use a term that abbreviates to PDA?). It was coined to describe people, especially kids, who continually refuse to do things that others expect from them. For years, the only time I came across the term was in reference to “misbehaving” kids. The label sounds willfully defiant, and is inherently pejorative (I mean, it has the word “pathological” in it). 

Unfortunately, it also fits my situation surprisingly well. I’m terrified of anyone wanting anything from me, even just answering an email. 

I put off answering emails for exactly this reason, then feel guilty for being late to reply, and the cycle continues, potentially ad infinitum/until it’s been so long that it feels too late to reply, and I eventually let myself forget about it and let it go, in favor of worrying about new emails.

It’s not just emails, though; those are just an example of how innocuous my panic triggers can be.

Right now, I procrastinate on all manner of tasks related to getting involved in activities, making friends, and dating. I literally avoid reaching out to people I want to interact with, because What If They Expect Me to Contact Them Back (And Know What to Say, And Have It Not be Awkward) In a Reasonable Amount of Time.

I spend far more time procrastinating on such tasks than it would take to actually do them. 

Don’t even get me started on the yearly months-long mental tug of war over thank you notes that I went through as a teenager. Or the time I almost didn’t graduate high school because I was stuck on some paperwork and procrastinated down to the wire.

Freaking out over an email about something I literally volunteered to do, however, is a new low.

It’s no surprise that I have so little faith in myself right now. I’ve hit the wall three times now, with real consequences for my life. What if it happens again? 

I don’t trust my brain enough to want to commit to anything. What if I do it wrong? What if I do it late? What if I don’t do it at all?

And it’s become such a habit that I am avoiding doing something I literally cannot fail, except by avoiding it. Sigh.

Reexamining My Procrastination

As someone on Tumblr put it, people with ADHD go through a mental tug of war. One part of you insists “Do the thing” while another, usually stronger, part protests, “No.” Not surprisingly, it makes it hard to get started on things. If you can break through that tug of war, you’re exhausted before you even start.

I’m now considering the possibility that this deep fear of failing is probably a reason for it.

I’ve often wondered why I procrastinate so much on trivial things whose negative sensory properties I can ameliorate (like doing the dishes). The habit of fear and avoidance is probably part of it.

But also, I might just be afraid of failing myself. After all, other people aren’t the only ones who have expectations. 

TL;DR

If you see someone of any age avoiding everything others want them to do, however innocuous, consider that it may not be defiance. They might just be terrified.

10/24/22