#one of the most important people in my life is a trans lesbian

[chaifootsteps]

Hey I saw someone on Twitter saying you’re transphobic because it said in your Twitter bio “IDW Arcee is still a guy” even though the character is canonically trans. What’s your take on that? I’m not attacking you or anything I just genuinely want to know the context of all that.

Oh boy. Strap yourselves in kids; time for Chai's villain origin story.

So basically, IDW Arcee made his debut under the pen of Simon Furman, the dude who created Arcee in the first place. Simon Furman has a small massive chip on his shoulder over the notion of girl robots, but we're going to be talking in mostly Watsonian terms for now. IDW Arcee as he comes on the scene in Spotlight Arcee is the victim of a nonconsensual forced sex reassignment, we see right off the bat that this destroyed his life.

He's wracked with trauma and dysphoria over this, on a do-or-die quest to take out the mad scientist who did it (he succeeds and tortures said scientist for seven years straight), and is implied to suffer chronic pain.

This got a lot of criticism, but Simon Furman insisted it wasn't meant to be transphobic, just the opposite. When someone pointed out that this was a story about how traumatic it was to be assigned a gender you didn't feel was the one you should have, Furman agreed with this take.

Eventually Furman was shooed out and John Barber was brought in as writer, and nobody seemed to know how to deal with Arcee's backstory. So they just kind of...didn't. They wrote around it for eight whole years, never really acknowledging it, but frequently alluding to how traumatized he was from it. The only person to ever roll up their sleeves and tackle it head on was Mairghread Scott, the only person IMO to ever do justice to IDW Arcee.

By the way, this panel made me weep. This issue also includes a fleeting, but notable moment where someone refers to Arcee with they/them pronouns, and at the time, I was extremely excited for this.

Shortly after this however, the comic came to an end and John Barber decided -- in the very last issue -- to bring in an expert. And by this, I mean he found some trans lady on Twitter and let her write Arcee. The last issue has Arcee concluding that the whole sex change was consensual and the violent murder spree was the result of, I quote, "bad meds."

Yeah, basically Arcee killed all those people because the Spiro was a little off.

I got into a lot of internet fights with people over this back in the day, criticizing it for being worse than what we started with, but also frequently pointing out that it wasn't Twitter lady's fault, as she wasn't the editor-in-chief at IDW and that there's a very good reason professional writers aren't supposed to do this sort of thing. In return, I got accused of hating trans women and still get some real ugly things in the inbox about it to this day. It was the first taste, bitter as wormwood, of what I as a trans man could expect from my own community.

Regardless of all that, Arcee is probably the most important fictional character to ever enter my life. He helped me realize I was trans, got me through some dark days, got me through heartbreak and top surgery. He saved my life a few times, and every so often he continues to. I owe so much to him.

If writing a very gentle fix-it fic where Arcee has a long talk with Anode (one of the trans lesbian bots from the vastly superior sister series James Roberts wrote) makes me a transphobe in these peoples' eyes, so be it. I don't care what they think. They never reached out to baby trans Chai and held his hand and kept him breathing.

Arcee did.

[hello-nichya-here]

So I've asked you this in private, but I thought the rest of your followers should see this as your thoughts are quite entertaining.

What is your opinion on the idea of stuff like this being the only acceptable method of pornography?

*cracks knuckles* Let's get the easiest part out of the way first.

Saying Something Is "Female-Friendly" Is Just Marketing

I'm sorry (not really) to be the one to state the obvious, but at best labeling any kind of pornography as "female friendly" means "most of the people that enjoy this are women" - which is very different from saying "ALL women are into this" or "No guys are ever into this." It's the good old "this cartoon is for boys, that one is for girls."

It's not a radical statement, it's not revolutionary, and it is at best a morally neutral mention of a random statistic that is being used to find the best demography to advertise to and at worst just pointlessly trying to force people into boxes with that they are/are not allowed to enjoy based on their gender.

Don't believe me? Well, too bad because this image you're seeing is literally part of a facebook ad for a porn site. The name of the site and of the artist they were working with can be seen at the top in the uncut version. Like I said, it doesn't matter how "radical" these claims of "this product is made for/by X minority group" pretend to be, at the end of the day it's just marketing.

"Oh, but people obviously support the message it's sending anyway!" True... but that message is at best filled with poor word choices, and full on terrible at worst.

Consent - Important In Real Life, Meaningless In Fantasy

In the context of this being an ad for a porno site, I think it's safe to say "Consent-based" is just a way of assuring viewers that every actress was fully consenting to every sexual act and was not pressured into anything in any way, which is the bare minimum.

HOWEVER, I've seen plenty of people misunderstand or flat out lie about the "consent-based porn" term means. Like I explained, it is meant to be about the ACTORS consenting - but their "characters" don't need to consent to anything because they are not real. A hardcore CNC fantasy with the actress pretending she doesn't want the sex/is not enjoying it while her co-star pretends to force themselves on her is STILL consent-based if the actress playing the victim role can stop the scene for literally any reason and even walk out completely if that's what she wants.

Unfortunatelly, because kink-shaming is still very much a thing, people act like that is crossing a line and totally counts as legitimate assault - even in videos that the actors before AND after the scene mention how excited they are, how great it was, openly discuss their kinks, etc.

Nobody needs to watch something so extreme if they don't want to, but I have a serious problem with people saying stuff like that shouldn't ever happen. If the people involved in the role-play are doing it WILLINGLY and can back down at any moment, then it isn't in anyway immoral.

Sexual Attraction Is NOT The Same As Respect/Acceptance

Once again, I'm sorry (not really) to be the one who has to tell you guys this, but "representation" in porn is meaningless because:

1 - It doesn't matter how many porn videos there are of any minority group - each individual person picking something to watch will only click on the ones that show people with the body-types and genders they are attracted to, doing stuff they personally find appealing.

2 - "This kind of porn is popular" does not in anyway translate to "this is what society deems morally acceptable". A ton of homophobes LOVE lesbian porn. My country, Brazil, has always had porn with trans people and crossdressers as one of THE most popular trends - yet we are also the country that commits hate crimes against them the most, even when compared to places where being trans or crossdressing is literally a crime that earns you an authomatic death sentence. Incest porn has been obscenely popular everywhere for decades yet most people STILL find the thought of real-life incest absoutely repulsive.

3 - "I am not usually/ever attracted to people of group X" doesn't authomatically mean "I HATE people of group X." Just cause I like red-heads and brunettes, doesn't mean I'll be commiting hate crimes against blondes. If that was how things worked, sex-repulsed asexuals would hate literally all of humanity.

Wanting porn to be inclusive is utterly pointless because sexual attraction is 100% morally neutral. Which brings us to...

What Even Counts As "Objectification"?

Once again, if by "Don't objectify people" we are talking about how "Just because you hired this person to star in a porno, it doesn't mean you can just ignore their consent, comfort and safety for the sake of your fetish" then yeah, that's the bare minimum.

However, if you're saying "don't objectify people" as a way to say "Don't make the video too graphic/obscene/kinky" then we absolutely have a problem here because, my guy, it's porn. It is all about letting us see hot people looking slutty and fucking in great, explict detail.

"Oh, but these sexual acts are humiliating and gross!" To you, maybe. But not to the actors that are very willing to do it. I've had some of my fetishes be called both deeply disturbing and gross AND the most vanilla shit ever. That kind of stuff is 100% subjective, and the only people who can say "I felt disrespected/unsafe/abused" are the actors themselves. Once again, if THEY consented, there's nothing wrong with it regardless of it appealing to you or not.

"Oh, but we'd be wasting an opportunity to educate people/give X group more representation"

If I ever click on a porno and there's a two minute intro with the actors, both belonging to some minority group, talking about how one of them is also historian and the other is a astronomer, I will STILL only care about seeing them fuck even though I love both history and astronomy - not because I don't think they can't possibly know what they're talking about since they are sex workers or because of some kind of bigotry, but because, surprise surprise, I only check out porn sites for the porn. That's what EVERYONE does.

Hell, bad porn can be used to educate people. 50 Shades is awful and a ton of ignorant people think it is 100% accurate to how BDSM actually works. However, this has led to entire groups of people who are actually kinky to discuss REAL BDSM with vanilla people and educate them on how it can be a great thing. And, of course, there's people that enjoy those shitty novels/movies but KNOW they are not accurate representiation of BDSM because they are aware that PORN IS JUST FANTASY, NOT A GUIDE TO HOW SEX SHOULD WORK!

"But it's so shallow to focus only on these people's looks and know literally nothing else about them!"

Yes, and? Being "shallow" isn't always bad, and feeling attracted to someone solely for their looks is not a crime.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a goddamn fanfic writer and I was once the classic "teenager that totally thinks she'd have a chance with that famous rockstar that is old enough to be her dad", I KNOW that the thought of a real connection (emotional, intelectual, etc) CAN be hot - but there's nothing wrong with "These two people whose names I don't even know look hot, I wanna see them fuck, then I'll go take a nap and never think of them again." These porn stars are not crying themselves to sleep because people whose faces they've never even seen don't know anything about them other than how they look without clothes on.

"Female" Pleasure - Yet ANOTHER Hollow Marketing Term!

Seriously, that last one REALLY irritated me because it's one of those things that tries to sound progressive, but are meaningless at best and downright sexist at worst, because it implies:

1 - There must be a strict separation between "female" pleasure and "male" pleasure. A sexual act cannot possibly be enjoyable for both the guy and the girl, and gender prevents men and women from EVER being into the same thing (as a woman that finds more porn that fits my taste in "male-centered" sites than in most "porn for women" sites, this one gets on my nerves).

2 - Pleasuring one's partner cannot possibly be enjoyable - so, say, a girl cannot possibly enjoying giving her boyfriend head, and vice versa.

3 - Sex is a competition and women NEED to win because "female" pleasure is apparently more moral than "male" pleasure (hence the "ALL porn can and should be 'female' friendly")

4 - ALL women are turned on/turned off by the exact same sexual acts, and the level of pleasure they get is always exactly the same. Preferences are not individual and never change over time. (Seriously, a woman directs a sex scene between two actresses, the editor is a woman, and all the viewers are women - which one will speak for her entire gender and decide what "female" pleasure looks like? You see how silly this sounds?)

Conclusion

Sex and sexuality can never be over-simplified like that, and fantasies are just harmless fun.

[boilyerheid]

one thing I haven’t seen being talked about in regards to the writers and actors strikes (solidarity forever) but that I really think is important, is the fact that the advertising industry and the film and television industry... are all the same thing. 

oh no not ADVERTS not EVIL CAPITALISM which I am NOT SUSCEPTIBLE TO fuck those people I would never do that 

etc

except people working on commercials - crew, cast, creatives - are treated SIGNIFICANTLY worse than those at the higher level of network drama, because adverts are ‘gross’ and simply don’t generate the same level of give a shit from the general public that shows do. you might hear if someone gets injured on the set of a warner bros film, but on a commercial? you wouldn’t give a fuck, you don’t know who they are. but we are the SAME INDUSTRY just paid significantly less. and yes, I write commercials and work within the whole spectrum of the film industry, that’s how I know.

advert writers move into shows. show writers write ads. actors and directors and producers and crew do both. and it’s all because WE need to get paid. taika fucking waititi directed amazon’s tentpole christmas commercial in 2022 and got paid a bomb - go and look it up. that lesbian daniel craig spot for belvedere people memed on? A COMMERCIAL. 

just because in your little brains ‘advertising’ is the quickest shortcut to ‘capitalism’ to ‘evil’, do not forget that 99.9% of ALL professional film crew, writers, production staff, and actors also work in ads to make ends meet. the current actor and writers’ strikes are fantastic and I hope they fucking WIN, but they’re just the start if you actually want the hellish landscape of filmmaking to change. 

we are also threatened by AI, we are also subject to insane lack of safety regulations on set, and we are not supported by the general public because there’s a perception that somehow Art and Ads are separate. I’m a trans creative and I spend most of my career fighting for my LIFE to keep making queer commercials just so some can slip through the net while bud light keep abandoning us. do you know how fast I’ll be cut and jobless if AI rises to a useable/acceptable tool like the unions are protesting against? it’ll be before any background actor is.

AND I had more to say - ad scholarships are a major path to queer people getting into the industry. uwu forced diversity yeah but what happens when that’s gone?? THIS IS HOW YOU GET US INTO ENTERTAINMENT.

support us all, or you don’t really support any of us.

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, ALPHABET MAFIA

just a few reminders:

- first pride was a riot

- black & BIPOC queer people are the foundation of our entire nation and the global culture

- we owe most of our rights and progress to BIPOC trans women/femmes and different communities of lesbians, trans/gnc folks and elders.

- trans people have always existed, they are ancient and indigenous to many cultures and places and are SACRED.

- I’m glad you’re here and there is community out there for you, waiting with open arms. Don’t give up just yet, please.

- rainbow capitalism isn’t liberation

- we are all we have, be fucking better to each other

- lesbians have done so much for lgbtqia+ people and should maybe idk stop being erased for no reason

- biphobia is real and just bc your ex cheated on you doesn’t make it bi folks fault, you’re projecting babe

- being queer doesn’t dissolve white privilege, pls touch grass

- be safe at pride. they’re coming for us all and we need to protect ourselves.

- not everyone wants to use the word queer/dyke/fag etc. I’m glad you reclaimed the slurs used against you, me too, but not everyone wants to and you need to respect that. LGBTQIA+* exists for a reason.

- the black and brown belong on the flag.

- the A is for asexual/romantic or agender, not ally.

- get some pussy (or whatever you do (or don’t do)) and make space for joy! because black/queer joy is revolutionary and fucking righteous just as much as our anger is, too

- Juneteenth coming up too, issa parade in my city fr

- asexuals/aromantics belong at pride. Period. Full stop.

- safe sex is the best sex

- get tested!

- it’s okay to not watch the news. america is hell, go take a nap

- people 100% know themselves better than you ever will, people are who they say they are and you don’t get to decide that for them. respect pronouns, identity, etc. or argue w ya mama/god/someone else cause it ain’t finna be me ❤️

- you deserve relationships that feel safe and actually are safe. Don’t settle.

- learn your queer history. they won’t teach us. they took our elders from us.

- Black LGBTQIA+* history IS Black History.

- we all need to be thankful to the house mothers and the ballroom scene and those who gave us what we have now, regardless of who you are.

- don’t call yourself a stud if you’re not BLACK. wit a capital B and at least one BLACK parent.

- not everyone is out. happiest of pride month to y’all. you’re still gang and we love you just as much. 💗

- our collective liberation lies in the fact that we are all tied to each other. if you’re down for the gays but not the theys, you’re not as decolonized as you think you are.

- shout out to fanfiction writers who have been single-handedly providing queer art/content/representation for years while the industry continues to make a mockery of us or intentionally leave us out. one thing we gonna do is help someone find their queer awakening, and get that story right. love us 🤪 go team

- your life means something. it’s important beyond comprehension. you look good. your ass is fat (if you want it to be). get the mullet as a lil treat.

- LGBTQIA+* people across the board have ALWAYS existed in literally every culture and every continent (and Antarctica counts if you count the cute lil gay penguins😌). Don’t let them tell you different. We are not a “mInOrItY”, we have been MINORITIZED. we are not small, we are great and mighty and have ALWAYS been here. And we always will. We exist in the future just as we have existed in the past. We stand on the shoulders of MASSIVE collective ancestors. If that’s not an indication to keep going, keep fighting, keep laughing, dancing, voguing, and keep showing up authentically - then I don’t know what is.

- it’s gonna be ok baby. pinkie promise.

[redditreceipts]

I've been a very staunch supporter of trans ppl for years. I have learned to swallow my discomfort around some of the things said in those circles. When they said it was transphobic for lesbians to not like dick, I bit my tongue. I told myself, "this is just the loud minority" and to be fair I do think that is the minority but still ... as a lesbian I wasn't even able to talk about people who argued that because "it never happens. No one says that. That sounds like a transphobic lie." And I hate the constant assertions that gender is real, innate, and that everyone feels it. I can't describe my own experiences with growing up as a woman without someone telling me that maybe I'm nonbinary ... no thanks I tried that for a while. I respect everyone's gender, or I want to, but apparently doing that also requires me to put that oppressive structure onto myself and act like it's liberating.

The final snapping point for me was a trans woman telling me that I'm privileged for being a cis woman because I've never experienced dysphoria ... except I have. I grew up with intense thoughts about my body and hating my vagina and breasts. It was never that bad but I would often imagine mutilating. I'm in a better place now but I still feel some discomfort over my body sometimes. And when I expressed this to her, she asked me if I was really cis or was still questioning ...

They act like misogyny doesn't exist or something. I just ... I disagree with a lot of radical feminists beliefs or at least I think I do. But for years I have felt like radfems were the only ones even talking about misogyny anymore so idk

Anyway what I wanted to say is that I really like your posts and perspectives and thanks for this blog. I want to learn more and question more and your blog has become a helpful resource to help me start thinking critically about some things

Hey :) thanks for writing to me and sorry for the late answer. 

And yeah, you are totally right. I have also spent such a long time justifying gender ideology because I really wanted it to be right. I’ve excused so much weird behaviour with weird mental gymnastics because I didn’t want to accept that I had been wrong for such a long time. 

The entire “that never happens” thing - and then you show them an occasion where it happened, and they say “well, it doesn’t happen that much”. And yeah, people have suggested me being non-binary as well. I mean, by strict gender definitions I am non-binary because I don’t identify as a woman lmao. Just as the “you’re uncomfortable in your body?? what about fucking cutting it up??!!!!” thing. 

And for disagreeing with feminist beliefs, the thing is that being a feminist is not a package deal. You are not being some sort of heretic if you disagree with certain things, and I know that I am most probably wrong on a lot of stuff myself. If I wasn’t, I would be the first person who is always right in human history. And yes, even in feminist spaces, there is sometimes some sort of imperative to follow every single belief or you are not a “real feminist”. But being a feminist is not an identity, it is an action. It is an action towards yourself, in the workplace, in interaction with other women and men, in your consumption, in your voting, in how you support women in your personal life and how you do political action. So yeah, I would say that it is less important whether you follow every rule of the radical feminist catechism and more important to support women in your life (which includes yourself). At least, that’s my opinion. 

So if you want to learn more, you can look into literally anything Julie Bindel says on Youtube, I really like her perspective. And cool that you’re here! 

[03josten]

Some of my favourite terminology for sex, sexuality, and gender that have mostly fell out of use:

Sapphist: Similar to the term Sapphic which is still in use, derived from the woman loving Greek poet Sappho. The -ist has implications of doing rather than being. A Sapphist is a woman who has romantic and sexual relationships with other women. It was commonly used in the 19th and early 20th century, eventually replaced by lesbian in common usage. Some famous historical figures who used this term include Vita Sackville-West, who also used the terms lesbian and homosexual.

Mukhannathun: Translates roughly to "effeminate ones" or "ones who resemble women", typically refers to a feminine male, an intersex person, or one whose sex is indistinct. Modern scholars place the term Mukhannath in correlation with trans feminine. Mukhannathun traditionally took on the social roles of women in Saudi Arabia and feature in Ḥadīth Islamic literature. They were often musicians and entertainers, Abū ʿAbd al-Munʿim ʿĪsā ibn ʿAbd Allāh al-Dhāʾib (or Tuwais) being perhaps the first famous Mukhannath musician. I could not find any depictions of Mukannathun.

Invert: Sexology in the early 20th century believed that same sex desire and cross gender identification were natural in some people. It was coined in German by Karl Friedrich Otto Westphal (1833-1890) and translated across Europe and eventually into English as sexual inversion by John Addington Symonds Jr. (1840-1893) in 1883. Inverts were people whose natural sex instinct (heterosexual, cisgender) were "inverted", causing a natural desire for the same sex or to live as the other sex. It was thought that most inverts desired a relationship with a "normal" member of their own sex, for example a masculine presenting woman would desire a feminine presenting "normal" woman, a feminine presenting man would desire a masculine or "normal" man. While most sexologists thought sexual inversion was natural, they worried about corruption of "normal" people by inverts. The writer 'John' Radclyffe Hall (1880-1943) identified as an invert and explored the life of inverts in her 1928 novel The Well of Loneliness.

Uranism: A Uranian was a man who was romantically or sexually interested in other men. One of the earliest records of the term comes from Friedrich Schiller's 'Sixth Letter' in the Aesthetic Education of Man in 1795. It is derived from the ancient Greek goddess Aphrodite Urania, a manifestation of Aphrodite who was free of physical desire and instead was attracted by mind and soul. Ancient Greek literature was very important in the early formations of queer identity and self-recognition. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) was known to use the term Uranian.

Tribadism: Derived from the Greek "tribas" which means "to rub", tribadism denotes both a sexual position (now known as tribbing or scissoring) and a woman who seeks to sexual dominate and/or penetrate another woman. This term could also be used to describe an intersex person who lives as female and is the penetrating partner during sex with women. It became the most common word to describe any kind of sexual intimacy between women in English literature from the 16th to 19th centuries. Marie Antoinette, queen of France from 1773 to 1792 was "defamed" in many anti-monarchist newspapers as being a tribade.

Eonism: Eonism was coined by English sexologist Havelock Ellis (1859-1939) to describe cross gender identification and presentation. "Eon" after the French diplomat Charlotte-Geneviève-Louise-Augusta-Andréa-Timothéa d'Éon de Beaumont, who was assigned male at birth but lived as a woman from 1777 until her death in 1810. Eonism was later replaced by transvestism in popular usage in the early to mid 20th century, coined by Magnus Hirschfeld (1868-1935) in 1910.

Eunuch: the term Eunuch has many connotations but the one common factor that almost all definitions share is that a eunuch is an intentionally castrated male. Eunuchs can also be uncastrated, but put into the social role as eunuch due to their 1) feminine presentation 2) inability to procreate 3) attraction to men. Eunuchs were not seen as men in most cultures, they were specifically chosen and castrated in order to fill a specific, separate social role from men and women. It was sometimes punitive, for example under Assyrian law men who were caught in sexual acts with other men were castrated. Eunuchs often had positions in royal households in the Ancient Middle East, their sexlessness was seen to enhance their loyalty to the crown as they were less likely to be distracted by sex or marriage, and it also allowed for jobs to be given on merit, and not inherited since Eunuchs could not reproduce. In Ancient Greece certain sects of male priests were eunuchs. China had Eunuchs who were fully castrated (penis and testicles) and high ranking in imperial service. In Vietnam, many eunuchs were self castrated in order to gain employment in the royal households.

Homophile: coined in 1924 by Karl-Günther Heimsoth (1899-1933) in his dissertation Hetero- und Homophilie. The term was in common use in the 50s and 60s in gay activism groups. It was an alternative to homosexual coined in 1868 by Károly Mária Kertbeny (1824-1882) which was thought to have pathological and sexual implications, whereas homophile prioritised love and appreciation over the sex act or pathology. It is still in use in some parts of northern Europe. The Homophile Action League was founded by lesbian couple Ada Bello (1933-2023) and Carole Friedmann (1944-?) in Pennsylvania, U.S.A. in 1968, a year before the Stonewall Riots.

[animentality]

Hiya. Little chance you'll see/respond to this, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyway. I'm kind of stuck, gender-wise. As a gender-fluid afab person, I kind of know where I want my transition to go, with both T and surgery. The problem is, my very lesbian partner has some squicks about the way I want my transition to go, (namely the clitoromegaly and metoidioplasty.) I haven't talked to her about this yet, because of the squicks. (I know I need to, it's just something I haven't built up to yet.) There's a lot of love in the community for the effects of going on T that I want, which makes me feel good, but knowing my partner would no longer find me attractive because of it is. distressing. This is complicated by the fact that I do sex work, so I'm putting off transition anyway to retain my audience. I know I need to stop letting other people's approval and attraction dictate what I'm doing with my body, but it's money to live off of and I desperately love my partner, (and I'm used to sublimating what I want for others.) I don't know if you have or care to give any advice or response, but even just typing this out and sending it is making me feel better, so thank you <3

I get it, friend.

I really do. You know it's what you want, but you're also afraid of how much it'll change things.

And I don't blame you. There's always comfort in stability and the status quo. holding on to things you've grown so used to having, that you worry you might not be able to survive without them.

But if you know it's what you want- and I think it must be, otherwise would it really be a difficult decision? - then you'll find some peace in knowing that things are never as stable as they seem anyway.

you have to pursue the things that will make you happy in this life. it's the most important thing. sometimes that means choosing something that's harder to do, in the short term, but will bring you peace in the long term.

and yeah, it will be uncomfortable and painful if, or when, your partner no longer finds you attractive because of the transition, but if she really loves you, and cares for you as a person, then she'll support you, even if it's only as a friend. she won't cut you out of her life, if she loves you as much as you love her.

And I know that sounds bad, but the truth is, people are attracted to what they're attracted to. Now that doesn't mean she definitely will lose interest in you, though. Because honestly, I think you definitely need to talk about it, and maybe you'll be surprised.

I have known lesbians who have a few exceptions, just as there are straight people with their own "gay exceptions."

And transition isn't exactly a new practice or anything, but transition surgeries sort of are, in the grand scheme of things. they can be kind of disturbing to people, even supportive people, at first, because surgeries in general are always disturbing.

something primal in us just doesn't like the idea of letting someone else cut into our flesh and rearrange all the parts inside. it's instinctive, i think. but just as you can grow and change, so can other people.

even if they never ever thought about it before.

life is kinda funny like that. you can think you'll never ever do something, but then someone else might come along, someone you desperately want to be with, and then you'll become more than you ever expected you would be. and you'd do it together.

but you definitely need to talk to her. she might surprise you. or she might surprise herself, actually, if you give her the time to consider how it'll change your relationship.

But if she's no longer attracted to you, and if you break up, well, relationships always fall apart when one person wants to stay the same, but the other desires growth, and change. It might seem terrifying, not to have her as a romantic partner, and maybe you're afraid you'll never find someone else, but these things are normal, these things are not as scary as they seem.

All human beings, trans, cis, het, gay, bi, have to deal with the fact that people change and some relationships end. Some people can adapt, and stay together. Some can't.

Some people lose interest in their partners over many, many years, and some people can't stay in relationships with people who become sick, or disfigured, who have horrible injuries that change who they are. Life doesn't go the way you plan, ever.

So you aren't alone in that feeling. And I hope that your community is there to support you too, so that you don't feel alone in this either.

You might consider joining groups, or finding people, who know what it's like to lose partners because of transition, by the way.

It's always good to have a network of support.

Now as for the sex work... listen, I don't know your financial situation. if it makes sense to not transition right now, to put it off so you can pay the bills, have a roof over your head, then you can always wait as long as you need to.

But I wouldn't let that hold you back either.

Financial stability is very important, and being able to pay for food is your first need and all that, but emotional and psychological fulfillment are important too.

so in the future, if you have the money, or maybe find other jobs, or other means of income, then don't let it stop you.

and also, if you enjoy sex work, and you don't want to stop doing it, or having it as an option...you can find another audience.

it might be smaller, and different, and you might have to start from the ground up, but if you already have an audience that makes you good money, then you're resourceful. you're creative.

you can do this. all of this.

but anyway.

my advice to you is...do what you need to do, to make money, but remember that life is primarily about being happy. it can't always be happy, but...the end goal is happiness.

you have to go looking for it, though.

even if it doesn't look the way it used to, that's the grand adventure called living.

thanks for the ask.

always feel free to vent to me, by the way, especially about this, because as a transmac, I get it.

I personally only would want top surgery, but I understand completely the afabs who want to fully transition.

I remember the first time I used my name, and not my deadname...I remember the joy I felt, when my friends started calling me by masculine pronouns...

I couldn't discourage you from seeking the self you were born to be. It's a wonderful feeling, being the person you dreamt of, on those lonely nights where you laid in bed and wondered why you feel so different and alone.

But you aren't alone now.

Good luck, anon.

Hope everything turns out ok, and then I hope the rest of your life is wonderful.

[nigesakis]

for a long time i avoided the saw fandom but in the past few days i took a look again

i was one of the people who was there when we built the fandom. it existed before but in 2015-2019 we kinda came together as one and created a community. we were like about 50 *active* people on tumblr. we worked full time keeping the fandom alive and making content.

i remember when i wrote chainshipping fanfics we had about 30 existing works on ao3 and i remember when we came up with hoffstrahm (stroffman back then) and we were like "we hit 10 fanfics on ao3!" and if you saw viral tweets about saw during 2016-2019, that was me probably (and the tweet of leigh saying there was more to adam and lawrence relationship was also my edit... he did not say that, im sorry).

we had a theory that adams corpse wasnt really him but that they switched it with tapp's and everyone kinda took it as canon even though we knew it made no sense

but i think the most important part of everything was that the fandom came to life through trans people (mostly trans men and transmascs) and lesbians. there was barely any cishet person in the fandom and it was common knowledge that adam was a trans man (or trans in general) (also i dont know how its now, but him and diana as a father/daughter dynamic was a huge part of chainshipping) and amanda a lesbian. it was a fandom but it was also an lgbt community that felt like a little safe town for us

so after 2019, when saw became more popular i kinda retreated because it felt like an army marching into it and i guess i kinda overreacted, but it was something so dear to me and a huge part of my and other's lives and being trans, and it upset me in a way? (also autistics with a franchise/media as their special interest will know what i mean😭)

i remember seeing a meme that was like "only girls understand adam" and with the history of adam being like. the poster boy for a lot young trans boys it kinda hit the wrong spot, even if it wasnt serious at all

so a few days ago i saw some fanart by @turnipoddity and thought. let me check in, its been long enough.

seeing the amount of trans chainshipping fics on ao3 was so relieving and seeing posts that reminded me of back then showed me that, even with saw not being the little community we once had, there are still people that think the same way as we did and adam and amanda still being interpreted the same, too

i dont really know why im writing this exactly, but i needed to get it out of my system. i hope saw will continue to be as important to young lgbt folk as it was and is to us.

[doberbutts]

I go out of my way to follow people who talk about often and in depth about both transandrophobia and transmisogyny. From this follows that I often see a lot of discourse and conflict surrounding both topics, like people claiming trans men don't need a word to describe their own experiences with discrimination, or people who dislike the terms tme/tma, and consequently, people who distrust the former as they'd be likely to downplay transmisogyny, and so on.

I do this because as a trans person I care deeply about the issues we face, and I dislike the idea of locking myself in an echo chamber and establishing some sort of "us vs them" mentality with the one clique I would hypothetically decide to align myself with as center.

That being said, I wanted to let you know that you're consistently one of the people I most find myself looking forward to hear the opinions of. I won't always feel the same way, but I always appreciate the nuance and the way you tackle each topic (so often people resort to name calling or otherwise react badly in frustration).

So thank you for taking the time each day to talk about the things you do

Thank you very much for these kind words, anon. I don't claim to have all the answers and genuinely if I put my foot in it I do want to be told- but I want to be told in a manner that actually tells me what I've done wrong, and not a vague "talking about your own life and experiences and that of your friends makes you a bad person" kind of way.

And, well. I truly believe that while the demographics of each of my friends is important to both them and myself, they also really have no bearing on whether or not we'll get along. Each of my friends is a wonderful multicolored thread in the tapestry of my social network. Transgender, or not. Man, woman, nonbinary, or anything inbetween. Lesbians, guys, bi people of all persuasions, from the pansexuals to the asexuals, I cherish and value each and every one of them. And I think the best way of showing that is by listening to them when they talk about their own lives, and trying to find solutions to make things better for them.

To me there is no us vs them. There is only, what can I do to make at least my part in society a little bit safer for those who are hurting?

[punkboyjack]

The shit lie of SRS in Iran

So it's a something stuck in my brain ( and my life ) that I think people need to know about it is the thing about LGBTQ+ people in Iran especially T because I'm trans and it's little too much complicated in iran

Bing trans in Iran has some benefits in look but it's a lie

We are known as mentally ill people

We have the same problems as any other LGBTQ+ person in the world but with a higher rate

Most of the time, they give strong psychedelic drugs and hormones to trans children ( or just LGBT childrens )

And I was so paranoid about it that I wouldn't take any of the psychiatrists' pills when I was depressed (my parents don't know that I just got better somehow and no one doubt about it)

The Iranian government also monitors online transgender communities, often subjecting them to censorship, and police routinely arrest trans people

Unfortunately most Iranian parents like boys so trans woman's are badly treated almost 92% of trans women in Iran faced verbal or emotional violence and over 70% had faced physical violence

And the rate of murder and attempted suicide among trans people in Iran is high (mostly trans women).

and that really sad bcz one of the trans woman's that a used to know have Ben send to who knows where for the military training by her dad because ( HE was not man enough)

1_pre surgery is hell : we go on a all girl / all boy schools and I think it's like Catholic schools over there

And people don't respect us we mostly have problem finding friends we don't have the From the social point of view, it is almost impossible to identify ourselves as transgender because the government has strictly separated men and women. I didn't really know what my problem was until I was 13 years old

Worst and most important part is telling our parents that we are trans and they should support us because all the work of the license is done with the consent of the family ( I'm so lucky about my parents by the way so good for me but holy fuck who made that rule in the first place)

2_ the surgery is chipper here (it's a lie ) -> we spent Soo much money and time ( and mental health) on permission to do surgery and people who do this surgeries are not even have expertise in this work And they have long-term side effects that are not good at all

first submitted to a long and invasive process

including virginity tests ( idk whyyy)

formal parental approval ( I told you)

, psychological ( it's just the worst part you can't imagine how terrible this psychologists are ),

inspection by the Family Court ( like a god damn criminal )

If we don do the SRS we are basically nothing to them and Thay don't give a fuck about us unless we did something wrong or something and then we are basically dead as hell

Like let's say you are a heterosexual trans men who don't want to do a surgery and you have girlfriend who loves you and respect's you

Will no you don't you are just a lesbian to them and will if they found out what's between your legs you and your gf are going to be executed I'm not joking

3_After surgery, is hard as hell : discrimination, from the law, the state, and from the people around us

Given the lowest quality of hormone therapy, we usually do not have reliable sources for it . Surgery under the hands of non-specialists causes dangerous side effects, and if we are imprisoned, we will no longer get hormones

And not so fun fact : Most of the gay people in Iran are recognized as transgender and they have to tell us about the process because otherwise they will be executed. For the government, changing their gender of poor gay people shows a better face than killing them

And yeah rest of your gay life you are just unfortunate person stuck in a person of your own body

Bruh I read it all over and I'm not even close to the realty it's too much

[reasonablysurmised]

on "desexualization" in Heartstopper

Okay, I am posting this mostly just to get these frustrations out of my head--acknowledging that venting on the internet is a perilous venture.

I've seen some (not much! to be fair!) chatter about Heartstopper being "sanitized" or "desexualized" for mainstream, presumed-straight audiences--essentially presenting it as fundamentally assimilationist, instead of just not everyone's cup of tea. If you are in the "enh, high school coming-of-age and/or cute/tame/wholesome stories are just not my cup of tea" crowd, rest assured that this frustration is not directed at you!

But for anyone who genuinely believes that telling a story like Heartstopper IS an expression of assimilationism, of sanitizing and desexualizing the One True Existence of queer people: I am breathing through my urge to scream. I am quietly sitting you down at a table with an offering of tea or coffee or whatever you like in the Fun Mugs. I am asking you, as nicely as I can, to understand: queer people who not only like these stories but who ARE these stories exist. They are queer, even if their queerness doesn't look a lot like yours. They are not LESS queer than you, and their existences are not a lesser version of queerness than yours for not including sex at 16. They would not be less queer than you if they did not include sex at later ages, or ever (also: an eating disorder and a habit of getting drunk to cope with your verbally abusive mother is not "sanitized" portrayal of teenage lives just for lacking teenage sex, but I digress).

Their existence is not "sanitized," it is not "desexualized;" it's just their existence, no less or more interesting, no less or more queer, than yours.

If you WERE a queer person, of any kind, having sex at 16: you did nothing wrong, and of course you're queer too. I really do want to make sure that my stance on that clear, though hopefully you already know and don't need that validation from me or anyone else. Exploring and depicting sexuality--not as in orientation but as in sex--is important to a lot of queer people, and for some it is doubly important in a world that says that queer sex (among many other aspects of queerness) is wrong. I absolutely understand that. And it makes sense to want stories that represent what you experienced (in my opinion, depictions of queer teenage sexuality DO exist out there, but their resonance may vary by person--it is fair if you still feel like they're not telling your story or not telling it well).

But it is NOT reasonable to insist that the ONLY depictions of queerness allowed are those that represent what you went through, or a life that most reminds you of yours now. The existence of a comic or TV series that shows something that doesn't remind you of you is not a judgement of you, and it is not an insistence that YOU are not queer: it's just a different story. If you're looking, and not only looking for one thing, it might in fact be pieces of your story as well; that's up to you. But we're on the same damn team; we're in this together. I am asking you to remember that queer people very much like Nick, Charlie, Elle, Tao, Darcy, Tara, Isaac, are at this table WITH you, even though they're listening to you denounce their existences as not queer enough because they didn't include the right ingredients.

I am also, a little bit, asking you to acknowledge that Alice Oseman has stated publicly that she is aro-ace, that she IS queer, and that she nonetheless prioritized telling gay, lesbian, bi, and trans queer stories via the Heartstopper comics several years before she wrote a story (Loveless) actually centering an aro-ace character.

I am also, a little bit, asking you to acknowledge that as an Elder Aro-Ace I have been able to access at least some media and literature--good, bad, problematic, sensationalized, groundbreaking, disappointing, too-tragic, too-cutesy, featuring sex, not featuring sex--about gay, sometimes lesbian, sometimes bisexual lives for the last two decades, since I was the age of the characters in Heartstopper, as long as I did a bit of looking. I have not been able to access media about people like me--at all--until the past couple of years.

That's not your fault. But your seeming assumption that sex and sexuality are an inviolable ingredient of queerness and that anything less is kowtowing to the straight masses has definitely not eased that absence (I cannot emphasize enough that those straight masses did not have much room for me either).

I am just...asking you to remember that the best part of queerness is that it SEARCHES for things that are different (yes, even different types of different!) on purpose, and tells them they're worthwhile, despite. It's a big table, with lots of Fun Mugs, we've got room.

[godeaterazathoth]

Issues I have with ikevamp

That I’m venting here because they won’t leave my skull

*Content warning, we’re talking about men in the past, they did some bad stuff*

Part 1, historical inaccuracies

I’m I history nut so this really gets to me, since I know the deep details of these peoples lives.

The timeline, ok so the game takes place in 18th France, correct me if I’m wrong but I think it is in the second empire (1852-1870) considered there is a noble class, yet you can clearly see the Eiffel Tower which was completed in 1889, there is no mention of the 1889 exposition, so it must be after the tower had become permanent, by then the 3rd republic was around, if we are in the republic the Count wouldn’t be called that by the npcs at all the parties he goes to, no matter which we’re in, NOBODY mentions Napoleon III at, NOT EVAN HIS UNCLE (WHOSE SOMEHOW BECAME CASS CONSCIOUS!)

How does the time travel work, example, Dazai died in 1948, his plan was seemingly to wait until he’s born in 1909 then kill himself as a baby, but then he decides to use the magic door, what are the consequences of 2 Dazais existing at once or him erasing himself from history, he’s a pretty important literary figure, does someone else replace him or does the space time continuum collapse?? Is the future Vlad sees set in stone or can it be changed, just copy someone else’s time travel bit!!!

So straight up these guys aren’t who they say they are, we’ll go through 1 by 1

Napoleon- doesn’t mention he left the love of his life to marry a girl 20 years his junior (like think how interesting it would be if he’s conflicted about love cuz he had to give it up for political reasons) -that scene where MC talks about all the ‘good’ that he did in Europe, like committing war crimes against the Spanish and Portuguese and Eastern Europeans, being a coloniser, killing the slaves he freed when they asked for more rights, killing thousands of men in a meaningless war (ligit H*tler vibes)

Arthur- goofy irl, literally believed in fairies, had 5 children and married twice but he never mentions any of this, he cheated on his first wife while she was dying of TB, he was a liberal unionist (tldr didn’t like Irish people) he was anti-immigration, might have committed fraud. We’ll get to the other issues I have with him.

Leonardo- fruity as hell, vegetarian

Mozart- they got his character completely wrong, the guy was a complete man child, vain, broke, by the end of his life his career fell off (Beethoven better composer), in love with his cousin 🤢, had a s*at fetish 🤢🤢🤢. The hole Salieri thing didn’t happen.

Vincent- they made him too mentally stable, I’m all for him being meek, but the guy had serious issues that they ignore, he ate paint thinner, was rejected by his both crushes, WHY DOES HE HAVE BOTH EARS, DID IT GROW BACK, THEY SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM WITH ONLY ONE, also he should be ginger smh. Oh yeah and they never mentioned the s*ecide attempt.

Theo- doesn’t mention his wife, or son, WHO HE NAMED AFTER VINCENT, his wife is the person responsible for Vincent’s work not being completely forgotten, was way nicer irl.

Issac- tbh hotter irl, low key ace, maybe a fruit, kinda mean, the only thing they got right was the major virgin vibes.

Jean- WHY MAN!??!! Even if the didn’t want a lesbian route, they could have gone with any other guy from the 100 years war, Edward black prince, idk WHY GENDER BEND ONE OF THE MOST PROMINENT WOMEN IN HISTORY, I’m fine with the delusional trans dude lie, but they say that he was a guy all along, THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF HIM BEING BURNT AT THE STAKE IF HE WASN’T CROSS DRESSING???!!! was he double cross dressing??? This is the worst of them all, give me the girl boss we deserve (revers fate)

Dazai- not depressed enough imo, he was a leftist, again missing wife, their were two su*ecide attempts, guy lived through fire bombing, had a few children that he is fine to erase from existence.

Shakespeare- probably a fruit, again never mentioned his wife and kids, btw the way he talks is annoying, some people don’t think he’s real.

Faust- NOT A REAL PERSON.

Sanson- too young, this guys is 67, really liked the guillotine, just saw execution as his job didn’t really care, had a wife and kids.

Vlad- Ok is he supposed to be Vlad THE impaler? Cuz he’s not evil enough, or is he a Dracula reference, cuz he can’t dance that dance either, why did they call him Vlad if he isn’t a blood thirsty war criminal.

Count- not enough history to work with.

Part 2, problematic moments

So I ha have seen some posts on the low key misogynistic way the MC is written and treated and there are a lot of issues wit white washing history so another trigger warning ⚠️

Misogyny- the MC of this game is not the best, I know she’s a self insert but she has no backbone at all. She lacks agency I’m most of the routes, like the MC getting kidnapped is a troupe in all these games, but Emma can escape on her own, Kate has ⚽️, even Alice had more depth to her, seems the only thing MC can do is cry and wait to be saved, I swear she gets kidnapped once in every route, I think they could have given her more character to work with. Another thing, but Jean being a man is bad, really bad, she’s a feminist icon but they made her a man, it’s sought of saying that women aren’t capable of this so she had to have actually been a man.

Handling of SA, important one here, I’m ok with the flirty guy, but I really hate Arthur, he doesn’t just flirt with her in chapter 1 he assaults her and acts like he did her a service, and she just forgives him!?! I’m fine with a guy that sleeps around, I like Jin and Nokto fine, but the way Arthur talks about women, always calling them Birds (if they were going for English slang it doesn’t work cuz he doesn’t have a cockney accent) or worse Skirts, it’s dehumanising, and shows that to him women are vehicles for sexual pleasure and aren’t on an equal level of understanding. There are smaller parts to, Leo kisses her without consent, the Count hides the truth from her, idk but Theo calling her a ‘hound’ sounds like he’s calling her something else…

Minor points on classism, I’m not expecting the communist manifesto, but all these games aren’t very good at dealing with class deviation. In Vlad’s route, the orphan boy thinks he can impress the rich girl, this is the 19th century, capitalism is on the rise, but there’s no comment about how it’s impossible. The little school Napoleons runs is strange, considering he was in a position where benefited from poor people existing and staying poor, ( side note, he’s teaching them swordsmanship when ww1 is right around the corner, just saying they won’t need it in the military) called MC out as a social climber, these games sought of depict the past through rosé tinted glasses, there’s only passing reference to how fucked people were in the past, Also all the historical inaccuracies above tie to this.

Anyway love to hear some other opinions, (I started playing this game before my transition and have always thought it it was wired, it’s my personal least favourite just cuz I couldn’t really get into any of the guys, my OC ended up as a Carmilla reference so….)

I have seen a post talking about some of the issues before so that’s what got me to write this out, if you disagree or want to add anything I’m all ears 👂

Thanks for reading 💗💖💖💕💓💝💗🥰🥰🥰❤️✨✨✨✨❤️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[postoctobrist]

Hi, Alice. I know this isn't really your usual sort of ask, but seeing you talk so lovingly to people just beginning to work out their gender feelings has made me feel sort of melancholy because I feel like I'm on the opposite side. I've been out for almost a decade, I'm coming up on seven years on T and I just kind of feel like I've lost the joy in being trans. I'm dealing with some health stuff, probably related to my hormone levels but as yet undetermined, which has basically eradicated my ability to have any sort of sex life (this is on top of other, much more long-term chronic illness). I might have to start taking estrogen as well which is terrifying the absolute shit out of me even though I know intellectually that taking a very low dose won't have any of the effects I'm afraid of.

I feel like a walking embodiment of the shit TERFs say about how taking hormones will ruin your life and fuck up your genitals. I'm utterly broken down by the relentless transphobia of this shitty fucking island. Sometimes I scare myself into thinking that I want to detransition, even though I know I wouldn't be happier as a woman, but god damn, when I think about that hot little 18 year old lipstick lesbian I was a decade ago it makes me want to cry. I don't know how to feel good about my body anymore. The days of feeling excited about playing with my gender expression feel like they happened a thousand years ago on Mars. The semblance of 'community' I had before COVID sort of disintegrated and I'm still mostly too riven with COVID anxiety to get it back. I'm very sorry for dropping this enormous shedload of feelings on you but I guess I just don't know how to take joy in being trans anymore.

I've been there - sometimes I am there. As a community, we're pretty good at getting people through the early years of transition, but after that you're supposed to just be good, which might be fine except that all the other parts of life keep going. Not only does transition not solve all your problems, but you keep getting new problems and they're all weird - my top left rib pops in and out of place a bit when I sit down now, it's great. We don't have a good set of ways for talking or thinking about aging, including for cis people. And on top of everything else, the world is getting harder and hotter and more bigoted and we survived a fucking pandemic. But: we survived a fucking pandemic. And we survived all the other things. We're tough, tougher than anyone gives us credit for, including us. Under the circumstances, we're doing pretty good. So that's the first thing: what you're feeling is normal.

Second part: is that feeling helpful or realistic? I don't think that it is. You can't know that you'll always be unhappy with your body, or that you'll never rebuild community. I don't believe that people can be ruined. Okay, you can't go back to being 18, and that's painful, but neither can cis people and they get upset about it too. And 18 year olds are really annoying, imagine being one.

All in all what I'm getting at is that stuff happens to us, like it does to everyone. We took an uncommon step to enforce the correct version of ourselves on the stuff, that's all. And you don't always have to be happy or picture-perfect about it, you don't always have to love it. But if that version of you is the right one, I suggest there is something there beyond joy. The joy can be beautiful, but time has given me the chance to understand my transness as a solemn, clear declaration of myself.

And that joy can and most likely will come back. Even if you have to find new things or think in new ways, inshallah we will all get our joyful moments. Despite everything.

be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous

in the final account only this is important

[verana115]

Who I am, what I do, and why I do it :)

Hello people of Tumblr!!! My name is Vera and I'm a trans woman who spends her time hiking a trans pride flag up many mountains. Two years ago, I hiked the flag up 115 mountains in the Northeast of the US, and last spring I followed it up with another 202 mountains in the Southeast of the US. Currently I'm working on a more expansive list of 131 peaks in the Northeast of the US. This post is kind of an intro to me, and if you have any more questions, feel free to send them my way! Also do be aware that I'm a Reddit refugee who's new to this site, so if you have any helpful advise, please let me know because I'm still figuring things out as I start to transition away from that dumpster fire of a website! :)

Who am I???

My full name is Veronica Ashcroft (she/her), though I usually refer to myself by my nickname, Vera. I am a transgender hiker and aspiring mountaineer from the Northeast who spends a lot of time outside. I recently bought a van and have converted it into a little mobile-living space, and that combined with my recent decision to do seasonal work means that I have a lot of free time on my hands – free time that I intend to spend hiking and peakbagging as much as I can!

What is peakbagging?

Peakbagging is a style of climbing mountains where the goal is to summit a peak. This can take on many different forms, from just generally trying to summit peaks as a goal of climbing/mountaineering, to religiously pursuing lists of mountains grouped together because of their height, significance, etc. The way I personally approach peakbagging is to summit as many peaks as I can within a given timeframe, usually following some list that I either created myself or borrowed from an outside source. Most people who peakbagg do so over the course of months or years, so I'm definitely on one extreme with how much time I put towards my peakbagging projects

Which mountains have I done, which am I working toward, and what will I tackle in the future?

Last year I took a trans pride flag up the Northeast 115 4000fters list, which is a rather descriptive name, given that there are *basically* 115 4000ft mountains in the American Northeast. This spring I bagged the New Southeast 202, which includes the tallest and most prominent peaks in the Southern Appalachians. Currently I'm working toward the New Northeast 131, which comprises a number of the 1000ft prominence peaks in the American Northeast, including all of the remaining 2000ft prominence peaks that aren't on the 115. This one is a fair bit more challenging than the previous two I've done, and will involve me learning/developing various skills to complete hopefully by the end of the summer. After that, who knows!? I'm taking life one step at a time!

Why take a pride flag up mountains?

The simple answer is because I was already going to do these mountains anyway, and taking a pride flag up them allows me to promote trans visibility in the outdoors and spread some positivity in the process. And we trans people need some positivity in the world right now. Politicized transphobia is on the rise, and trans people have become one of the key targets of right-wingers. It was already bad a few years ago and it has gotten worse - I invite you to look at the news if you wanna see what I'm talking out. Obviously taking a flag up some mountains isn't in the same league whatsoever as these political assaults from the right, but we really do need some positivity to stay sane and hopeful in these times. And I'm certainly not going to single-handedly do that - I'm neither that arrogant nor ambitious to claim something like that. But even if my projects positively impact only a small group of people for a brief period, that will be good enough for me

Why take a trans pride flag though?

I'm trans, and I'm also a lesbian and sometimes gender nonconforming - I like to joke that I'm a couple different flavors of queer. Intersectionality is important, and when I started these projects last year, I choose to emphasize my trans identity by taking a trans flag up because that was the part of my identity most under-assault. Truth be told, I was originally planning on using a rainbow flag for my current work for the reason of trying to have my projects appeal to a wider queer audience. But then, the onslaught of anti-trans laws intensified last year, and I was being reminded daily that a lot of people really do hate me for who I am, and I know that those people would already be angry to see a queer person taking a rainbow flag up mountains - but they'd be livid to see a trans woman doing the same with a trans pride flag. Or to put it another way, on a personal level, my trans identity is the target for most of the bigotry I face, and so that's the part of my identity that I want to push back with the most

Why am I not doing something more useful with my life?

With the onslaught of bigotry showing no signs of relenting, I see queer people all over wondering what we can do to fight back. And to be entirely honest, hiking a pride flag up a bunch of mountains definitely isn't the most efficient use of my time and energy right now in that political context. It would probably be a much better idea for me to join one of the many political groups and organizations fighting back against this onslaught of bigotry, rather than doing projects like these. And I know for a fact that some people will look at my project and be disappointed that I'm choosing not to do that. But honestly, hiking makes me really happy, and I've spent the majority of my life profoundly unhappy dealing with issues of depression and gender dysphoria. And now that I'm in a position where I can actually do something like this, I'm gonna, because for most of my life I couldn't even imagine myself having agency over my own life. And, although I'm well aware that the scope of my project is ultimately quite small, I've had enough people both online and irl come up to me and tell me that my projects helped inspire them, or at least just brought some trans positivity in an era that is increasingly frightening for queer people - and, to me, that makes it worth my time

What can you do to help?

If you enjoy my project, please reblog and share it with other people - the more people who view/follow what I do, the more effective I'll be in getting the message across!!!

Is there anywhere else you can follow me?

Yes! I also have a reddit and an insta that I post to, along with an account on peakbagger detailing the nitty gritty of my hikes. Additionally, I have a personal website where I put detailed trip reports and lots of photos, so be sure to check those out!!!

What if you have any other questions?

Reach out! I love it when people message me! Do be aware, I do spend most of my time in mountains with spotty reception, so I might take a few days to get your message!!!

[antiradqueer]

hi. this is probably going to be a long ask, but i don’t do discourse on my public blog and i want this to be somewhere relevant and visible

i am an autistic bipolar trans man with scizophrenia symptoms. i have had, and still struggle with: very unpleasant intrusive thoughts that are sexual or violent, maladaptive daydreams, delusions, and pathological lying. i’ve encountered transid identities before, but i didn’t know about the radqueer “community.” i also want to add that i’m a psychology student and aim to be non-judgmental under any circumstances relating to mental health.

it seems to me like a lot of people who identify as radqueer are just kids or young adults who are still learning about themselves, their identities and their mental health

i’ve read a lot of posts from transtrauma folks, and my initial impression is that a lot of them are attention starved and need validation in their outside lives, or have minor or complex traumas that they don’t realise are valid due to them not being one recognised traumatic event. you don’t need to have gone through something completely life-ruining to deserve sympathy, nor do you need to be mentally ill.

the same applies to transabled identities as well - i know from my own experience as a person with a chronic illness that affects my physical ability, but i don’t identify as physically disabled - that the disabled and cripplepunk communities are full of love and acceptance, and it seems like a lot of radqueers are seeking that same acceptance.

i saw a coining post for the term “transvegan” - one who wants to be vegan, identifies as vegan, but isn’t vegan right now due to life circumstances. and the way i see it is that these people have discovered queer identities as a way to label themselves, eg “i feel this way because i am lesbian”, and as a result have chosen to label all their personality traits as queer identities. you don’t have to call yourself transvegan! you can say “i’m not vegan right now because that’s not feasible for me but i agree with their ideas and advocacy,” and that’s okay. most decent vegans will respect you for that anyways.

before i knew about my bipolar disorder, i thought i might be a system - so guess what, i tried it out for a few days, using tools like pluralkit and a system tracker. it turned out that it wasn’t an experience i shared, but that was okay. at the time, i did want to be a system as that would help me understand why i was the way i was - but after i realised i wasn’t, i kept going and eventually got my bipolar diagnosis that has brought me a lot of comfort.

i relate to the feeling of wanting to have a severe, labelable trauma as well. i was desperate for a reason why i was struggling and mentally ill even though nothing “big” and “horrible” had happened to me.

transracial identities seem to stem from a similar thing imo - i love japanese folklore and history, and actively do research into it in my free time. i enjoy hearing accounts from japanese people about their personal experiences with their mythology, and while i don’t want to live in japan, i think other people like me might. if the radqueer community had existed when i was a young teenager, i might even have identified as transjapanese. however, it seems to me like trace identities stem from misattributing an interest (and again, a specific desire for respect and inclusion from those with a culture they’re interested in) to wanting to be their specific race.

i identify as asexual, and don’t relate to any feelings of attraction, nevermind paraphilias, but i do have intrusive thoughts, and dealing with that has taught me the attitude that your thoughts are not your fault. i love and respect people with paraphilias, even the “weird” ones, but the important part is understanding that if your actions due to your attraction could harm others, like children and animals, it’s your responsibility not to act on those thoughts. whether you want to seek therapy and try and stop having them is a personal choice and up to you, but you cannot refuse the responsibility not to harm others.

if you want to think or write about societally unacceptable scenarios such as grooming or rape, you can - thoughtcrime isn’t real and censorship is a slippery slope - and if the point of your work is not to condone or encourage that kind of thing, and you are clear and do not make people read it if they don’t want to, it does no harm.

unfortunately, that ties in to the other part of the radqueer community who have harmful opinions, like ableism, racism, and pedophila, who simply use the guise of “queerness” to try and get away with it. at its core, queerness is about playing with gender norms and identity, and how you are perceived by society; not “having sex with someone you aren’t “supposed” to be having sex with,” or “having views not agreed with by current society.”

animals and children cannot consent. period. it is not about knowing what sex is, it is about understanding the meaning and gravity of what you are doing, and to take advantage of someone or something that doesn’t is inherently violating. if you think any actions that cause harm to others, sexually or violently, are normal or justifiable then you are not a good person. you are not respectable.

i can’t speak on racism in the radqueer circle and the concept of winterqueer because i don’t know enough, but i can tell you now that the queer and punk communities do not accept racism, and that it goes against the core of who we are. you are not and will not be part of us.

i also think there’s something to be said about how transid views trans people as not truly what they are. if i fully physically transitioned, i wouldn’t stop being transgender, but it feels like a lot of transid identities are only defined by the wanting of, not the being. a trans man is not a woman who wants to be a man. he is a man who at some point used to be viewed as female, and no longer feels that way.

(not adressing anyone on this blog, just things i have seen) i think my point was that the argument of “these people will never be accepted by society” does more harm than it does good - i don’t think their beliefs are normal or will be accepted, but by arguing that the people themselves will never be accepted when they are in the community in the first place because they want to be respected and seen only serves to push them back into the circle of people who genuinely desire harm.

on a similar note, harrasment and death threats on either side are also horrible. you are not helping, you are not getting one up on them, you are just hurting people, and wasn’t the entire point of being anti-radqueer trying to prevent people hurting others?

idk. this was long and rambling, but it’s just. you can want things that are unachievable but you’ve gotta come to terms with the fact they’re unachievable. there’s a difference between “fiction is not reality” (true) and “fiction does not affect reality” (provably false). radqueerism is not as progressive as it claims to be. and there are a lot of people out there who refuse to grow or learn.

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[female-malice]

TrevorSpace markets itself as a safe space for LGBTQ+ young people to talk about their experiences with identity and peer/familial rejection, which sounds like a great idea. But browsing the website for merely a few minutes makes it abundantly clear what it actually is: an online dating service for children and people aged 13-24. No website or chat room of this nature should cater to minors, especially one that encourages them to talk to adults. Adults in their 20s regularly talk to teenagers about sexuality and gender transition on Trevorspace. Profiles specify whether the user is over or under 18, but there is no procedure to verify whether the user is answering truthfully. Not only is the website specifically for children and adults, but someone of any age can say that they are a minor and have inappropriate conversations with kids.

...

The kids who use this predatory dating service have threads and forums about how the website has “too many groomers and pedophiles,” yet the adults that they trust in their lives are telling them that it is a good source for social support. It is an identity crisis in a nutshell. The service is full of frantic posts from teenage girls freaking out over the fact that they are unsure of their sexual identity and how this is something that they need to figure out immediately. Since when is that considered appropriate? The most disturbing part is that a lot of these girls express that they are same-sex attracted. Instead of being told that there is nothing wrong with being gay and that they will figure this out eventually, The Trevor Project tells them that they are actually boys trapped in female bodies and minors need to be chemically castrated as soon as possible or there is a 40% chance that they will kill themselves. This overused statistic is a lie and The Trevor Project is facilitating the spread of this lie.

There are posts where girls say that they realized they were attracted to women and transitioned into boys in order to become straight. This is a new form of conversion therapy. Studies show that nearly 80% of these children will reach adulthood and realize that they are just gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

Trevorspace is a grooming nightmare come to life. It is a direct contribution to an impending health crisis in the gay community – an epidemic of detransitioned people whose lives have been ruined by this new form of teenage conversion therapy, which they were groomed into partaking in. Over the next decade, there is going to be a huge wave of detransitioners who realize that they were victims of conversion therapy and grooming. The wave has already started and is going to forever be a stain on our community that we look back on in horror. Given recent events in the UK and Mermaids, it is probably a smart idea to consider the possibility that a similar phenomenon is occurring across the pond.

Detransitioned people are usually shunned from the trans community and harassed by queer activists if they try to discuss their experience publicly. This is present in the Trevorspace forums. Kids who were permanently altered have made posts about feelings of regret. They are then chastised about how the detransitioner problem is a hoax and that recognizing their existence is considered hateful, invalidating, and harmful to the transgender community. If the transgender and queer community are so hung up on validation and accuse people of “denying their existence,” then why are they demanding that we deny the existence of gay people who were converted as kids and face medical/bodily harm for the rest of their lives? My community deserves better than that. Detrans people have a lot of important perspectives to contribute and they are welcome at our table any day.

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