#one thing about me is that i can't read sheet music very well

[tsukasageorge]

Gonna try to arrange world's end valentine in beepbox. Will give up after 20 minutes. Wish me luck

[kissforyouu]

𝙲𝙰𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙶𝙰𝙽 . 𝚓𝚓𝚔

pairing : jungkook x reader

genre : college boy!jungkook , fwb , so much fluff , situationship , confusing relationship

warning : angst , strong language , smoking , masturbation , use of weed and drugs , getting high , lots of kisses🤭 , oral sex ( f recieving ) , doggy , unprotected sex , situationships. (trigger warning😓)

Inspired by Cardigan - Taylor Swift

unedited.

> read pt. 1 here

It's been about three weeks since Jungkook had left my door. I try, but I still can't make up my mind with the fact that it's all over. It's even harder, because Jungkook was always apart of my daily routine. We'd go get our groceries together, drop eachother by our respective classes, study together, hangout and so much more. It's not just the fucking, or the kissing, he was also my best friend. Losing my bestfriend was even worse. Sometimes I'd wonder how it would've been if we never had sex. Would we still be friends? Best friends? Would it have been better? It would have been better, I think. Maybe. Or maybe not. I don't fucking know.

Or maybe we'd just be strangers and I would've never gotten to experience this love from him? Or maybe—it wasn't even love. Well, obviously, it wasn't. He made it clear. Very clear.

Although it's been a week, Jungkook has never tried to contact me. It hurts, but whatever. Clearly he's enjoying his time though, judging by his instagram stories. Party after party. I always see him either drinking or going out with his friends on social media. Okay. I might be stalking him on social media. But hey, it's not exactly stalking when the information is public and accessible to anyone, right? So, I'm not stalking. I'm only making use of my rights as someone using social media.

It's whatever. Jungkook's whatever. I'll move on. Of course, I will. It's nothing a bit of journaling and music can't fix, right? Yeah.

I hum to my music, continuing to write on my journal. This was my way of letting all my feelings out. I'd journal, write and doodle about it. It was calm, and it also helped me open up and learn more about myself. I liked it.

I continued to write...

I still want him. I want him so so much. I really hate to admit that, but I do. I don't know what's gotten over me. I have to make up my mind, I really really do. Jungkook proved to me that I was nothing but some fuck, but why can't I think the same? It's slowly driving me insane. In addition to that, I really really really really fucking hate the fact that I'd go back to him in a heartbeat if I could.

I let out a sigh, closing the journal. This is what I've been doing for the past three weeks. It's stupid, really, we weren't even fucking dating! I keep thinking about that, and it's driving me crazy. Whatever. I placed my journal and headphones back on my table, then getting back on my bed. Covering myself with my soft pink sheets, I made myself comfortable enough to fall asleep.

I hated this so much.

Everywhere I looked, it always reminded me of Jungkook. I hated how every corner of my room had some sort of memory attached to him. Whether it was just him holding one of my belongings, standing in a specific area, or him just doing something—it always reminded me of him.

The worst was my bed. Everytime I got on it, I just couldn't help but think of all the things we did on it. I couldn't help but think of the places his hands touched me, the feeling of his lips on my skin, or the feeling of his cock going in and out of me. I hated this because sometimes—sometimes! Just sometimes I'd feel myself getting hot down there.

I hate to admit this but—

"Mm..." a whimper leaves my mouth at the feeling of my fingers pressing onto my clothed clit. All that thinking got me wet. I slowly drag my fingers up and down, caressing my folds. I imagine it's his fingers, Jungkook's, teasing my folds slowly.

What would he do right now? He'd subtly touch me everywhere to get me soaking wet.

My other hand reaches down to my left breast, rubbing my nipple through the material. A few seconds later, the material of my top was now discarded on the bed. I continue to rub my nipple slowly, just the way he would. My other hand was caressing my thighs slowly, letting my fingertips subtly touch the surface of my skin. I gather a good amount of spit in my mouth, then bringing my fingers to my lips, then my nipples. I spread the liquid all around my nipple, flicking it too.

A heavy breath is heard, my fingers creeping inside my panties this time. It was a new sensation. I never masturbated. I didn't need to. I had Jungkook.

A small whimper echoes within my mouth as my fingers come in contact with my folds, spreading the arousal around. Shit, I was so wet. Not as much I was whenever I was around him though. I gather some of the arousal, rubbing my clit with it next. I moan, continuing to rub myself. It felt awfully good. I imagine it's him. His fingers teasing and rubbing my clit while his face was squished in between my tits. That's how it'd usually go.

An embarrassingly whiny moan slips past my mouth at my thoughts, fuck I want him so bad. I continue to rub myself faster, my back now arched a little. I rub my bud in the motion of an 8, hoping for a release. It feels good, but not that good.

I then run my middle and ring fingers up and down my folds. I imagine it's his tongue, sliding up and down on me as he savours the taste. "So good..." I hum. I retreat my fingers back to my clit, rubbing it again. About a minute later of continuous rubbing, heavy breaths and small whines, I slowly feel my high approaching. I squeeze my eyes shut, imagining it's him, as my body shudders.

I don't rub myself further, stopping myself right there. I was now sensitive down there. I didn't cum. Fuck, this is annoying.

Groaning, my body sits back up on the bed. I put back all my clothes on, pee and get right back to bed. This was unsuccessful and very annoying. Embarrassing, too. What have I done? Fuck, really, Y/n? Over Jungkook. Yes, Over Jungkook.

Okay, just sleep it off. I tell myself, trying to convince myself that what I had done just now was totally not embarrassing.

I groan at the sound of my annoying alarm beeping on my nightstand. "Fuck you", I turn the alarm off, groaning once more as I roll off the bed. I grab my phone, my eyes still blurry, and then— FUCK. IT WAS 12PM. MY CLASSES START AT 11AM. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. I rise up from the bed, running to my bathroom. I have to make this very quick. I grab the toothbrush and get in the shower, washing my body while brushing my teeth. 5 minutes later, I run out of the bathroom to open my closet. I throw a pair of jeans and a hoodie before quickly putting them. I don't bother to style my hair or to eat, I just grab my bag and laptop before running out of my dorm. Mina, my roommate, didn't even wake me up. Where even is she? I didn't see her coming back home yesterday? Whatever.

I speed walk to my class that's already started one hour ago. Shit, hopefully the teacher doesn't give me a bad grade or note this down. I had a record of being one of the top 10 students in each class I took. I wouldn't want to drop it because of something so careless and small.

I hesitantly walk inside the door, my foot taking small nervous steps. The teacher looks at me, her eyebrow raising up to a confused look on her face. "Y/n, you're late" She taps her pointer finger on her chin repeatedly.

Bringing my lip in between my teeth, I nod my head in return. "Uh, I'm so sorry, Ms. Kim"

"Any particular reason you got late, Y/n?" She asks.

Oh yeah, I miss my ex - ex best friend - ex talking stage - ex fuck buddy— or whatever, and then I rubbed one out for him and passed out on the bed right after.

"Um, just overslept"

"Ah, pity. As a punishment, stay after class and help out the librarian please. New stack of books incoming!"

I press my lips into a thin line, nodding. It's not like I have another choice.

"Yes, madam."

She giggles in return, then directs me to my seat.

Another hour has passed, the bell has rung. After class. A groan echoes out of me as I rise up from my seat, clutching onto my bag. My friend looks at me, then giggles before patting my shoulder twice in hopes of comforting me a little. She leaves the room.

"Y/n, I hope I see you tomorrow on time. You're a good student, don't lose that reputation." Ms. Kim flashes a bland smile as she exits the classroom. Shrugging, I walk out of the classroom as well, heading to the library.

"Hi, Ms. Kent! I wave at the librarian.

"Y/n, isn't it? Ms. Kim informed me about you." She responds as she adjusts her glasses.

I nod my head back at her, my hands holding on to eachother at the back.

"Great! You can help me by taking out that stack of books and putting them inside this box" She hands me a big cardboard box.

I take it as I walk to the book shelf she pointed at. I turn around to look at the librarian, desperately hoping that she'd come help me out. But no, nevemind. She was on her chair, legs resting on top of her table as she took a nap. Okay, fine, take your rest. She probably deserves it, anyway.

I turn back, my hands now on my hips. "Good luck, y/n" my eyes scan the big shelf.

I start by taking out the books at the lowest layer, then gradually making my way to the top. "Hmm..." I hum, looking around the library for a tool. In order to reach the top, I needed something to get on. As I scan the room, my eyes land on the small tool in a corner. "Ah!"

Getting on the stool, my spread out my arms in order to balance myself. I grab a few books, then slowly lowering myself down to the box to drop the books. It's a bit of a risky task. I could break a limb. "Good", words of relief leave my mouth. I repeat the process, slowly and watching each of my steps.

I bend down to drop another book then lift myself back up, my feet doing a 60° degree again to align myself perfectly in front of the shelf. I grab one of the last few books on the shelf, turning around to drop it into the box. Uh, oh. There we go. I fall to the ground with a yelp. I lost my balance. Groaning, I close my eyes. Maybe I'll just lay here for a few minutes till the pain goes away. It really hurts though, I rub my hip and waist area. I'll apply some balm when I get back to my dorm.

"Y/n?"

I want to drown myself in a river.

I know that voice better than anyone else's. What the fuck is he doing here.

In the other hand, it felt really nice hearing my name coming out of his mouth. I missed his voice.

I gulp at the feeling of two fingers patting my shoulder. I don't want to open my eyes because I know I'll come eye to eye with the person I seriously do not wanting to be talking to right now. But I do it anyway.

"Y-you good?" He stutters.

I nod, slowly raising myself up. I flinch, wincing at the sudden jolt of pain on my lower back. My hand grips onto the closest shelf as I slowly lift myself back up on my feet. Jungkook offers me his hand for support, but I deny it. I just want to walk away.

"Y/n—

I walk past him with the now full cardboard box, ignoring the stabbing pain I'm feeling. Lifting this is so hard, fuck, especially with my now broken back. Broken is probably an exaggeration, but whatever.

I place the box in the small room right next to the library that's filled with stacks of books and other material. I'm done!

I go back inside the library to grab my bag and other items. As I put my pair of glasses inside the bag, I feel the soft honey-like voice from before say my name again.

"Y/n" I'm done.

Ignoring him would be too immature and would cause even more problems. So it's better to say something, right? Totally not because I want to talk with him, maybe, kind of.

"Jungkook." I gulp.

"Let me talk to you." Oh.

"About?"

"Us" Oh.

"There's nothing to talk about us, Jungkook."

"Yes, there is."

"No, there isn't. You made it clear."

"Jesus, Y/n. Can we move on from that, please?"

I scoff. "Fuck, no."

His hand immediately catches my wrist just when I try to walk away.

"Please, let me make it up to you—

"Jungkook. No."

I make it very clear to him that I don't want anything with him anymore. Maybe I do. But maybe I'm scared to get hurt again. Doesn't matter.

I pull my wrist away from his grip. I don't look back but walk straight out of the library.

If you wanted to talk to me and make things right, you should've done it two weeks ago.

Stepping into the safe space of my dorm, I sigh, plopping myself on the bean bag. My fingers go through my hair, softly caressing it and massaging my scalp. Shamelessly, my mind drifts away to the moment where Jungkook's fingers were tangled in betweens my locks, massaging my scalp and stroking my head. Or the times where he would fist my hair, using it to guide my head up and down while I choked on his dick. Unconsciously, my thighs rub against eachother just a little to bring me back to my senses. I look around my room, cheeks flushed and embarrassed. I can't be doing this again, god no.

Deciding to make myself a cup of ramen, I make my way to my little kitchen. I add boiling water to the cup, waiting for the noodles to be ready. Now back on my sofa with my noodles, I was so so ready to dig those chopsticks in and take a bite on my noodles. But my phone suddenly dings, the screen showing a message. It was Jungkook. What, Jungkook? Why's he messaging me? Oh fuck, was it about early? I gulp, reaching down to the coffee table to grab my phone.

jungoogie💌: haiiiii😆😁😁

jungoogie💌: Y/NNNNN!!!! ansehwr mem

My eyebrow slightly raises at the texts, noticing how messy and chaotic they were. Is he was drunk? I began typing my reply.

No, what.

I immediately press the call option then and there after reading the message of him saying he was going to take another gummy. What was wrong with him?

The call answered fast, the first thing I hear being him giggling.

"Y/nnnn?"

My name is heard in a slurred speech, a set of small giggles being heard once again after.

"Jungkook? Where are you?"

He hums into the phone, then small wet kissy noises being heard after. Is he kissing his phone?

"Miss you...so much..."

My heart warms up at his words. I know I shouldn't let it affect me, but I felt the same. It's been weeks since I had last seen Jungkook, and I've wanted nothing more than to be in his arms and hold. I clear my voice a bit before speaking again.

"I miss you too. Can you tell me where you are, please?"

I need to make sure where he is. Back before I met him, he used to go around the street and get high for fun with Yugyeom. I stopped him later on. But he's back at it again, I guess.

"You do?!" His voice suddenly escalates from tired and slurred to hype pitched and excited. He is being so adorable right now.

"Baby, I...miss you too!" Jungkook groans, then a small thud is heard. I hear Jungkook sigh, sounding very relaxed and calm.

"Mm, are you in your dorm?"

Jungkook hums in confirmation. And just at that, I get up from my bed before walking out the door. I cannot let him get even more high. Even more so, who knows what else he'll do in there.

"Jungkook, keep talking"

"Can I sing?"

"Yeah"

"Vintage tee, brand new phone, high heels on..."

He knew I liked that song. He's doing this on purpose. As he continues to serenade me, I slowly make my way upto his dorm. We weren't allowed to be here. One of the rules in our university was that no one of the opposite gender should be seen at another's dorm. That's a rule me and Jungkook had broken way before. He was always there in my dorm. I'm surprised he was never caught.

Too lost in Jungkook's voice, I forget that I was already near his dorm. Snapping back to reality, I hesitantly ask Jungkook to stop singing.

"Kook, open your door. I'm there."

I'm sure of this, right? Yeah, yeah I am.

"Oh?" His singing stops, his voice switching to a more confused tone. Next, I hear small sounds, then thuds on the floor as they got closer and closer.

The door shoots open in a hurried manner, his eyes falling onto mine. But his eyes are not the thing I'm looking at, it's the weed roll in his hand. I look back at him, my eyebrows now furrowed.

"Baby—"

"When did you start smoking again?" I cross my arms against my chest.

Jungkook rolls his eyes, bringing the blunt upto his mouth to inhale some.

"A few days after we stopped talking" He admits. He looks guilty, but I try to ignore it. I was still mad at him. For everything. In addition, about this too.

Jungkook angles his body to the side, making space for me to walk in. I walk past his body towards his room.

Once I enter, I let out a small gasp at the state of his room. It was so fucking messy. Clothes here and there on the floor, his books scattered across his table alongside empty cans of frizzy drinks and empty ramen cups, bed fully messy and sheets on the floor included.

"What the fuck happened here?" I ask, concern flowing through me.

I feel his hand snake around my waist, cold fingertips giving me chills as they traced my belly. My body instinctively leans back into his, my back pressed against his chest. Jungkook's sighs into my neck, the tip of his nose caressing my collarbones.

"Missed you..." He was holding me so tight that I almost couldn't breathe. He was holding me so tight as if it's the last time he'll ever be able to do so.

I don't say anything else while I lead the both of us to the top of his bed. Jungkook doesn't allow me to move much, caging me in between his body and the bed right away. I lay flat as his body settles in between my legs. I run my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp.

Jungkook takes one look at me, then another inhale from his weed roll. I forget he even had it.

He blows the smoke away, eyes still on mine, staring into the deep the corners of my eyes. Suddenly, I start coughing, my hand on my chest as I tried to calm down my breathing. The smoke was making me cough.

Jungkook sits on the bed, alerted as he starts to mutter sorrys over and over.

"Fuck, fuck, I'm sorry, baby"

His hand rubs up and down my back in a soothing manner in an attempt to calm me down. It works, of course. My breathing slows down to my normal pace. Jungkook looks at his blunt, getting up from the bed before taking one last inhale then throwing it in the bin.

He groans, now inside his bathroom. I hear the sound of the water running down.

The light is turned off again as Jungkook exits the bathroom. He looks at me sitting on his bed. This time he notices the outline of my breasts, clearly visible from the thin material of the shirt I was wearing. His eyes trail down my body, from the outline of my breasts to my nipples, then my waist.

"No bra?" Jungkook breaks the silence.

I shook my head, pushing my shoulders back so I could lean against the headboard. And also that my tits were even more visible to him, but I don't want to admit to it. I watch Jungkook's eyes shift from my face to my tits. He walks towards the bed and gets on it.

Sitting on the bed right in front of me, Jungkook sighs, gripping onto my thigh before pulling me towards him so that I'm laying flat on the bed.

We lock our eyes together, our breathing suddenly syncing in as Jungkook hooks onto the edge of my shirt. He looks at me, for approval.

Fuck, how could I not? I've been wanting to feel him so bad.

I nod, gulping.

He raises the shirt upwards, exposing my tummy. Jungkook leans down to place a few kisses all over it. He continues to kiss my tummy in circles, causing me to let out a few giggles at the ticklish feeling here and there. And each time I did, he would raise up his head to look at me, his eyes big and sparkling.

Jungkook moves the shirt more upwards, my tits now out and bare as the end of the shirt laid right over them.

His hands immediately fly to cup my breasts, holding them. He sighs.

"So warm..."

Jungkook crawls further, so that his head is laying on my breasts. He nuzzles himself deeper, cheek pressed against my chest and hands groping my breasts. I watch him attentively, finding this moment comforting.

He slowly turns around to look at me, and this time, I notice how his eyes are half lidded, reddish with veins visible. It's from all that weed and gummies. Jungkook says nothing though, he just looks at me in awe, but also guilt.

I glide my thumb over his cheekbone, stroking it. Jungkook leans in to my touch, then colliding his lips and my palm, small smooch noises being heard after.

This is nice. I want to have this everyday.

He proceeds kiss my fingers, trailing them up wrists to my arms, then collarbone, my throat and upto my face. I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his soft thin lips on me and the small smooch sounds they create. Right then, he kisses both of my closed eyelids, then nose, cheeks, chin. The only area left were my lips. My eyes open to look at him.

His breath was fanning against my lips. We were inches away from kissing.

Jungkook cracks up a small giggle,

"I think you sobered me up a little."

He pulls away to sit up on the bed again.

No, kiss me. I want you to kiss me.

I clutch onto his shirt, pulling him back to me. Jungkook was surprised, his hand gripping onto my arm for support. I lean in to peck his lips once. I pull away, my lashes batting as I stare at him.

Jungkook looked shocked. He shouldn't be, I just let him kiss me all over. His expressions change, turning into a more soft and relaxed look on his face. His big eyes stare back at me as he leans in, going for another kiss.

The kiss feels passionate, deep and so — real. It feel real.

Jungkook's eyebrows furrow, head tilting to the side to deepen the kiss more. Our lips move against eachother so perfectly. The kiss wasn't rough, neither was is soft. It was perfect, filled with longing and love.

He settles his legs down next to my thighs, caging my body. I grab his hand, holding it with both my hands to my heart. I'm sure he could feel how fast my heart was beating. He whimpers, sending vibrations through my mouth. The kiss was getting sloppy and air was running out. But we continued kissing. I missed his lips so much. His soft lips against mine, moving in a synchronised rhythm. Even our breathing was synchronised.

After one final smooch, I pull away with a gasp in a serious need of air. My head arches onto the pillow, hair messy and arm thrown over my head as I catched breath.

I lower my eyes down to look at Jungkook, who was looking at me as if I was the only thing that mattered to him. If I could, I'd hit replay and live this moment over and over again.

He cups my face, squishing my cheeks while he left small pecks all over my upper and lower lip. My lips turn into an uncontrollable smile, so big and bright. He continued to peck my lips, teeth even, then my cheeks.

I don't know what is making him do this, is it the weed and gummies he took earlier or is it actually him.

"Mmmm..." I whine once he pulls away.

There is so much tension in the room right now. But nothing sexual, I don't want to fuck him right now. Maybe later. But not now.

Everything we did right now obviously meant we had to talk about it later. Especially about Jungkook's behaviour. The drugs, the weed, the messy room, calling me. Everything. Would I go back to him after this? Yeah.

There is an awkward silence again, and Jungkook looks like he wants to say something so bad. I can say that because he keep tugging onto his lower lip with his teeth, nibbling on it constantly. For a moment, he opens his mouth, ready to say something but closes it again. My eyebrow raises. Patting Jungkook's cheek,

"Say it." I tell him.

"I love you."

Jungkook whispers, audible enough for me to hear. Audible enough to send me into euphoria. Audible enough to make me fucking forget everything for a moment.

I don't say anything back for a few seconds. Jungkook looks relaxed and relieved, maybe glad that he finally said it. Before I could say anything back, he covers my mouth with his hand.

"Don't say anything, please. I don't want to hear it yet. Let's just go to sleep and talk in the morning."

Jungkook lays down on the bed right next to me, his arm wrapping around my waist. His big eyes sparkle, looking directly into mine.

I don't say anything back just like he wants, but I wrap my arms around his torso, pulling him closer to me. I don't know whether it was the weather or something else, but Jungkook felt so warm. The atmosphere around us as well. Everything felt warm and comfortable. Nuzzling my face further into his chest, I hum, comfortable as fuck. My heart skips a beat once I feel his fingers on my head. He run them through my hair, massaging my scalp and patting my head. Fuck, I missed this so much.

I soothe into his touch, my body weight now entirely on him. As my eyes get even more drowsy, I let myself fall asleep in his embrace.

Before even realising, the morning had come already. What did make us realise that was Jungkook's alarm going off.

Jungkook groans, rolling over to the other side to turn his alarm off. When he turns around, he finds my back facing him fully. I had shifted while sleeping. Jungkook giggles, his arm pulling me back to him as my back collides with his hard chest. He thinks of going back to sleep again, but too late, the alarm had already woken me up. Just when Jungkook presses his head onto my shoulder, I pull his hair away so that his head is back on the pillow.

"I'm awake"

"Don't care" Jungkook murmers.

"Jungkook"

"Fucking hell..." He groans.

He rubs his eyes open. Jungkook yawns again, then going back to lay his head on my back.

"My head hurts" he sighs.

"Probably because of the things you did last night. Maybe I could give you a massage?"

Jungkook's eyes lit up at the suggestion. Eagerly, he nods his head already sitting up on the bed.

"Take your shirt off and lay on your stomach"

Jungkook can't help but crack up a small laugh at my comment while I tilt my head to the side, clearly confused.

"What?"

"Nothing" He grins.

"No, say it"

—"Say it." - "I love you" —

"It's just that it's usually me who says it you know, cause, when we have sex..." he giggles again.

I look at him, grinning back. Grabbing the pillow, I hit his back with it. Jungkook pokes his tongue, looking at the outline of my nipples through my shirt when I stretch my arms up to hit him. He snorts at the hit, then taking his shirt off before throwing it on the ground.

I get on top of his back once he lays down.

I take my time to admire his naked back, sculptured to perfect. It was so perfect and built. You could tell that he worked out just by the side of his back.

I begin with his shoulders, gently massaging them to ease the tension out. He hums as I continue massage his shoulders now increasing the pressure. I move down to his arms, squeezing them and sort of punching them to relax them. Jungkook's eyebrows raise up,eyes closed as he nods his head in approval. I then press onto his bones, circling them from time to time as I switch in between squeezing his muscles to massaging his bones.

I loved the feel of his muscles. Touching them felt so nice. I loved it when I felt him relax at the pleasure of my hands massaging him. I take a moment to admire his back again, running my hand up and down his back. Unknowingly, my nails begin to scratch his back. He lets out a long moan at the soothing feeling.

I giggle, leaning down to press a small kiss behind his neck. I get no reaction back from him, so I continue to trail kisses down his back. Jungkook shifts a little in his position, groaning a little.

"Jungkook, turn around" I whisper.

I get off of him for a brief moment so that Jungkook could lay on his back before getting back on top of him again. Now that my clothed pussy was pressed onto his growing buldge, I grip onto his shoulders to massage him more. He moans at the feeling, head thrown back.

"Here, baby?"

His eyebrow is raised because of the tone of my voice—flirty— and the nickname I used on him. I never called him baby. Ever.

"What's up with you?" He asks.

I immediately give in not being to control myself more, I dive in for a kiss. Jungkook understands how I'm feeling, smirking into the kiss while his hands sneakily slide up my legs and inside my shorts. He palms my ass cheeks, rubbing his palm over them. My arms lay on around his head, caging it, as both our mouths working on eachother's. My tongue licks his lower lip, a smile forming on my lips slowly. I feel his hands leave the inside of my shorts to slap both my cheeks, a cocky laugh coming from him next. Jungkook then hooks onto the waistband of my shorts, pulling them down upto my ankles. My ass was now bare and out.

I go back in for a kiss, arching my back as well. I whimper into the kiss once Jungkook sneaks his way into my mouth with his tongue, at the same time — his fingers touching my pussy. I could imagine his smirk right now. Fuck. I feel the tip of his fingers teasingly tracing along my folds teasingly. To spite me up even more, he inserts the very tip of his fingers in, but nothing more. I grunt, trying to grind myself back on his fingers. I was begging for some friction. Jungkook's fingers leave my pussy, only to be back with a small slap on it.

I groan into his mouth, letting him take over me with his godly tongue. His middle finger touches my bud, pressing onto it while my pussy clenches on absolutely nothing. It was so fucking embarrassing but I was dripping wet for him.

Jungkook pulls out of the kiss, now beginning to trail kisses all over my neck. He starts with the side of my neck, then down to my collarbone and back up on my neck again. He nibbles on a spot near my throat, biting it here and there to create a hickey. Jungkook licks over the small purple bruise forming, to then kiss it over and over again. He begins to repeat the process all over on several areas on my neck and collarbones. Meanwhile, I melt onto his touches, just letting him continue kissing and biting me all over. But while being too caught on the moment, I feel his fingers begin to slowly rub my bud. A long moan leaves me as my back arches even more. I'm pretty sure I looked like a fucking cat who was stretching.

"Turn around. Want this pretty pussy on my face" He pats my bud.

Shit, I was so turned on.

Immediately, I turn around, my ass now in front of Jungkook's face. I feel his hands on my cheeks, squeezing them and feeling them all over as he slaps it a few times.

"Sit on my face"

I felt myself clench around nothing.

I turn my upper body around to make sure I won't hurt him, I slowly lift my thighs up to sit on his face. I wasn't exactly putting my whole body weight onto him, more like hovering over him.

"Sit" He commands.

"No, you'll be crushed and my thighs are too big. This is good enough"

I hear him sigh. Next thing I know I feel his hands on my thighs, bringing me down so that my ass was entirely on his face and thighs around his neck and shoulder. My entire body weight was on him.

"I'm not dying, see?" He scoffs.

I whine in defeat, nodding to his words.

Jungkook begins by swiping his tongue up for a long stripe on my pussy, then going in again. He repeats the process, but much rougher, with his nose pressing onto my flesh. Meanwhile, his hands rub and squeeze my thighs, delivering a few slaps here and there. I lean forward a little balance myself out, but suddenly jolt at the feeling of his tongue entering my pussy.

"Shit!" I moan.

Gripping onto his shoulders for support, my back arched and pussy on his face. His face was smothered all over my dripping cunt.

"Baby, you're so wet. This pussy must've missed me, huh?" I feel his thumb dipping in to gather arousal. Jungkook sucks on his thumb, pulling it out again to enter two fingers in my hole at once.

"Fuck!" I wasn't even stretched out to begin with.

He kisses my clit, lips softly sucking on it while his fingers went in and out of me slowly. So slow, that it felt like he was just caressing my wet folds. His teeth gently tucks on my clit to pull on it a little, earning a long moan from me return. He sighs into my pussy, groaning right after, sending vibrations through me adding even more pleasure.

Shit, this was heaven.

He was so mindful with what he was doing. He knew where to touch me, where to kiss, how to tease me and make me like it. He knew my body so fucking well, better than I ever could.

Jungkook pulls out both of his fingers to replace them with his tongue. I feel his tongue swiping through my folds, gulping down all of my juices. His room was filled with nothing but my filthy moans and his slurping noises.

His tongue enters my gaping hole, making my eyes roll back in pleasure. Shit. He saves me no mercy, trusting his tongue in and out of my pussy. Fuck, I was so turned on. I could feel my slick dripping down to his face, smothering it all over.

Panting, I close my eyes just to open them a few seconds later, my eyes immediately landing on the fat dent in his pants. His cock was prominent and big, standing tall even in his quite tight pants. I want to have it. I look beneath me at the man who was currently eating me out like a starved man, biting my lip at the erotic sight.

I groan a little, moving my hips at the same pace as his tongue.

"Jungkook, I want you in my mouth!" I cry out.

He doesn't respond, continuing to eat me out. His finger was now pressed onto my bud, circling it. I whine, desperately wanting a response from him.

Still no response. I then grip onto his shoulders with my hands, leaning forward. I crawl my way over his body, my face right in front of his cock now. I hear Jungkook groan at the lack of my pussy on his face. I turn my upper body around to look at him, giggling at him. Sticking my tongue out playfully, I turn back around only to get dragged back to Jungkook by his arm.

My back collides with his chest, a series of giggles and laughs leaving us. I throw my head back, still laughing, as Jungkook holds both my hands tightly to my chest while not letting go.

He presses his cheek onto my neck, whispering things.

"You want me dick? Yeah, you're gonna get it"

He easily turns my body around so that I was laying on my stomach again. Jungkook now gets on the bed, on top of me as both his thighs are caging mine. He pats my ass cheeks with both his hands while I got myself back up so that my ass was displayed to him clearly with easy access (doggy style). Jungkook releases his breaths, fondling with my ass cheeks, slapping it a few times.

"I could do this all day everyday" He comments.

"Jungkook, I missed you" my voice cracks.

He scoffs. "You missed me or you missed this dick?" He slaps my cheeks again.

I whine, sighing afterwards.

"Both" Jungkook laughs, almost mockingly.

"Wonder how you got yourself off without me, hm? Did you use your hands? Were you even able to make yourself cum?"

I could feel that cocky smirk behind me.

"S-shut up, just fuck me" I could feel the heat in my cheeks growing more each second.

"Did you cum?"

"No"

Jungkook hums, fingers inching towards my pussy.

"You want me to touch you here and make you cum?" His fingers circle my wet clit.

"Mmm-hm" my voice sounds more relaxed, but desperate.

"Here? Touch you like this, baby?" He then pinches my clit and twists it, earning a whiny whimper from me. I was so fucking wet and each touch he gives me got me dripping even more. After, I feel his hand palming my pussy, juices smothering all over his hand while he rubbed my clit painfully slowly.

A long whine leaves me, back arching even more. Fuck.

"Jungkook, p—please... please"

I was a big fucking mess and Jungkook loved it so much.

"No more, please... Just fuck me, mm!"

My hair was messy and all over, head buried into the pillow while Jungkook's hand worked slowly on my pussy. He lets out a little laugh, stopping his movement on me. I don't feel his hand on me no longer, but not even a second later, I gasp at the feeling of the tip of his cock pressed onto my folds.

"Shit, Jungkook" I cuss.

"You're on birth control?"

"Mhm"

We were too fucking horny to even care at this point.

He glides the tip along my folds, coating it nicely with my slick. I hear him pumping himself a few times — not that he wasn't hard enough, fuck his cock was standing so fucking tall — but to bet my slick all over. He aligns himself with my hole once again, patting my ass afterwards.

"You ready?"

"Just put it in!"

He thrusts himself in rough, a big wet noise echoing through the room.

"Fucking hell, baby, you're dripping"

Jungkook begins from just grinding his cock into me while being inside, then gradually increasing his pace. He then stops for a moment to pull his cock out for a second to slam it back in a rough pace. He never stops, repeating the same process over. The sound of his thighs clapping into the back of my thighs echoes through his room alongside the wet mushy noises my pussy made.

"S—shit, so good, taking this cock so well, baby"

He repeatedly slaps both my ass cheeks mid process, enjoying this moment to the max. My whole upper body had collapsed to the bed already, and it was the pillow that Jungkook placed under my stomach that was holding me up.

I was this close to passing out. My mouth was open, saliva spilling to the pillow while he continues to drill into my pussy.

Jungkook leans forward to press his chest onto my back, hands enveloping my breasts to flick and pinch my nipples.

He circles his hips in circular motions, just to pull out and slam back again inside.

I was such a moaning mess.

"Mm, mm, mm! Y-you fuck me so well!" I scream out.

"Oh, baby" He groans.

I feel myself clenching around him repeatedly, about to cum.

"J–jungkook, cumming!"

His thrusts slow down a little but he picks it back up, slopping but fast as he fucks me through my high. I feel my pussy clenching around him tightly, making the man behind me cuss and moan as I finally released all over his cock. Panting, I moan into the pillow as Jungkook kept going on.

His lips leave a few kisses on my back, his thrusts getting sloppier as he went on.

He lets out a long moan, finally releasing myself in my pussy.

"Shit, shit, shit—" a series of moans and cusses leave his mouth.

We both lay there, breathing synchronised and fast. Jungkook then slowly lifts himself off of my body, slipping himself out.

"You look fucked out, baby" He laughs.

"Of course, I would be. You just fucked me rough and I'm stuffed with your cum" I respond.

He puckers his lips, leaning down to place small kisses all over my face.

"Ah, my babyyy. Tired?" I could tell he was teasing me from the little baby voice he's using on me.

I turn my head to the other side, a smile forming on my face, completely forgetting about the fact that I was filled with his cum to the brim.

I feel his hand on my head, fingers twirling my curls at the end. He then holds my chin, gently, moving my face so that I'd face him.

His nose scrunched, Jungkook smiles wide before leaning down to place a soft peck on my puckered lips.

"Cute" He mumbles, and I swear my heart just did a flip.

"Let's get you cleaned"

We both were now on his bed again, cuddled up against eachother after a nice shower together. Both our classes start around 2pm, thankfully, and it was about 9am right now so we had a plenty of time left to just be in eachother's presence. I still had so many questions to ask Jungkook regarding yesterday. But not right now, I wanted to enjoy this moment.

I was currently laying in his arms, my head resting on his hard chest and both arms securely wrapped around my body while we watched whatever show that was on the TV. From time to time, he would lean forward to press a kiss onto my body or just talk about the show we were watching.

"I honestly don't like her character. She's so...ugh" I comment on the TV show, my face scrunch up in disgust.

Jungkook just hums, hand massaging my scalp. He seemed to be out of space a little. Deep in thought. Wonder what he was thinking about. Eh, I could think of a few possibilities.

"Jungkook?" I pat his cheek.

He hums in response, glancing at me.

"You good?"

"Mm, just — ah, yesterday, you know. I'm sorry, baby"

Awwwww.

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry about earlier, though"

"Baby, there is nothing for you to be sorry for, okay? In that case, it's me who should say sorry for anything. I really did care about you right from the start it's just that...I didn't want to admit it, you know? I didn't know whether I was ready for a relationship or not. I know in that way, I was leading you on and I'm sorry for that. But I truly did enjoy and care for you from the bottom of my heart. I just kept trying to convince myself that I didn't want anything else from you..."

I listen silently. He continues...

"...And also, I'm sorry about the café. But we weren't anything to begin with. You were the only girl I talked with throughout the whole time I was sort of seeing you. But after the incident, I started to realise how much of a fucking douche I was to you. But the more realising I did, the more I realised how much I actually cared about you. And that's when I started taking all the gummies and weed again because I needed something to get my frustration off on. But I also worked hard to stop using them because of you. That's when I realised I was in love with you. I was so fucking in love with you that I started to dig up old unhealthy coping mechanisms to cope again which I stopped doing solely because you told me to do so. I felt back because I felt as if I was betraying you but I had already betrayed you so what was the point, I thought. I tried to go to parties to find girls to release my stress but non of them were you so I'd end up disgusted and leave. I'm so fucking sorry, I became a mess"

He stops talking, releasing a sigh. We stay in silence for about 10 seconds before I break it.

"Jungkook, it's alright. I'm glad you told me and everything is fine now, hm? Thank you for telling me. I understand your side and I also forgive you. I'll help you clean your room. I'll help you with everything. And I can't give you an answer for your confession right now, okay? But we can definitely go on a date" I smile, tilting my head to the side.

Jungkook squeals out of happiness, pulling me into his embrace.

"Thank you so much, baby. Take all your time and thank you so much." He responds, the shaking of his voice from earlier now nowhere to be heard.

He leans down to place a kiss on the top of my head, pulling me closer into his embrace while we continued to watch TV.

Maybe this is for the best. This feels right. And I want this. Yeah.

"I like this" I say

"I like you"

I know you'd miss me once the thrill expired, and you'd be standing in my front porch light. And I knew you'd come back to me.

a/n : hii sorry this took a while to post 😭🙏🏽 i been busyyyy. thank you soo much for reading and hope you liked it :)

[take-everything-you-can]

Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

A/N: This Fandom has given me the most inspiration I've had in years and this is a thank you to every single one of you. This idea spurred from one too many drinks and unhinged DMs and I'm so excited to share it with you guys. So here goes nothing lol. A special thanks to my lady loves @lesservillain , @ghost-proofbaby , @bettyfrommars , and @bimbobaggins69 for beta reading and letting me fill your inboxes with all my little thots for our little gremlin man !

P.S : BEFORE I GET INTO ANYTHING THIS STORY IS 18+ MINORS NEED TO GTFO PLEASE AND THANK YOU !!!!! Also please remember to like and reblog from your creators It keeps the fandom alive !!! ( honestly don't know what I would do without ya'll )

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female Reader ( Pumpkin )

Summary: A 1950's daydream of malt shop kisses and doo wop singles far behind closed doors. Dreamboat Eddie Munson picks up more than just an extra route. A love that makes you weak in the knees... but how long can you go on loving a man that isn't the one your married to.

TW: Angst- mentions of an affair (adultery), verbal abuse mentions, mentions of weight ( mentions of food within the story throughout), disordered eating, feeling unloved, self deprecation slightly, staying with toxic partner Fluff- pet names, domestic bliss, mutual pining Smut- fingering, soft touches, overstimulation slightly very slight, unprotected PIV, cream pie, spanking,..... tbh i can't think of anymore but if you see any please let me know ... Thank you all so much. ( every chapter will get updated tw)

WC: 4.1K

Flour covers the countertop in your kitchen, and a rolling pin is set to the side while you knead the soft pastry ingredients together. Apples sit freshly peeled in a separate dish. Sliced and added to sugar and cinnamon. Picking up the rolling pin, you do your best to flatten the dough to a thin sheet and mold it to the glass dish before you. 

“Well, this dough is much better than the first,” you say aloud to yourself. Your husband once told you that speaking out loud to yourself was a sign of a weak mind, you never put much stock in that. But here you were doing exactly that as your days consist of waiting for your husband to return home from work. 

You splash a bit of vanilla into the apple mixture to complete your pie filling. Once it is all tucked neatly beneath the fluffy dough, you take a knife and leave four little holes within the surface and crimp the edges together, sealing the flavors within. A touch of sugar is added to the top along with an egg wash before placing the pie on a rack in the oven. A timer is set for twenty minutes, a reminder to lower the temperature and to add your special ingredient.

Soft music plays throughout the house, Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald keep you company on these long lonely days. Lonely but only for such a short time. Your husband works for the state doing something he thinks you're too dumb to understand so why talk about it? If anyone ever asks you simply say ‘Oh please you think a woman wants to know such things’. That usually earns you a laugh at cocktail parties and a warm smile from your man. If you could even call him that. 

Yes, he is your man in the sense that your last names are the same and you had shared the same bed. Where is the love though? It isn’t tangible and hasn’t been for quite some time now. Your day begins and ends with a few words apart from an I love you. You served him still, acted to the prying eyes, as a doting Wife. Four years and Everyone still thought you had a perfect life. 

That dream of white picket fences and shared milkshakes. That love of never-ending kisses and satisfying sex. Everyone around you wanted all that you had. Would they still want your life if they could see past those closed doors and shut curtains? 

Would they want to spend their mornings hiding the bags under their eyes from nights of restless sleep? Would they want to have a constant monologue of the flaws seen in the mirror? Ones that your oh-so-loving husband pointed out to you time and time again. Would they want to cook and clean knowing they would never receive a thank you? No, you knew they wouldn’t. All the small things that build and grow until it becomes a monotonous routine. Walking through days as if the next would be the exact same and then doing it all again and again, Until one day something changed. 

Two months prior A knock on the door, one that started to come once a week. The company of CC & Drums Dairy was paid to bring you a gallon of milk, A necessity your husband called it. A man with long dark locks that flowed over his shoulder and curls that dipped across his forehead under his cap. Deep Brown eyes that sparkled with flecks of amber as the sun hit him just right. Dressed in white overalls to comply with his company uniform and sleek black shoes that shine just as brightly as his smile. His name tag reads Eddie in a sweet embroidered cursive. Eddie, a name that would soon become something you would never forget. 

Your timer goes off as you check the pie, squeezing a lemon over the crust for that citrus tang. Slipping the dessert back into the oven, for another half hour or so, a knock sounds through the house, sending the butterflies in your stomach in a tizzy. Eddie had arrived.

A quick task of undoing the strings to your apron and a fast fix of hair in the mirror you had hung in the hall. A hand to your abdomen as you intake a breath and let it stagger out between your lips, hesitating to open the door. The second you see him you can feel the way the tops of your cheeks heat and plump with a smile. One that matches his.

 You take a second and wonder if he knows how handsome he is. The way the small lines beside his eyes crinkle with years of use. You wonder if he knows that the instant you see him, your heart stops beating. But most of all you wonder if you're the only one those soft eyes and long lashes catch in his gaze. 

“Afternoon darling, I must say this heat wave has got to be breaking records. Ought not keep these out here too long.” as he lifts the small crate of glass bottles holding the product out.

 You knew better than to take it from him, even if every bone in your body screamed too. The last time you tried you nearly flipped the whole crate, underestimating the weight. From that day on you always stood to the side as you let Eddie into your home to set the dairy in your kitchen. It was another thing you wondered about him. Did he do this for everyone else too?

“ Well let's not keep them then sir.” standing to the side he slides past you brushing a hand across the elbow you held to the door. His way of saying hello. Small touches here and there as he could never keep his hands to himself for too long in your presence.

“ Something smells awful delicious in her ma’am.”

“An Apple pie is in the oven, maybe you’ll stay and have a slice. For your troubles of course.” 

“Mhmm, my troubles.” Eddie sat the crate on the counter next to the ice box and turned his body towards you and enveloped you in his stronghold. An intoxicating embrace as he pulled you flush to his body. 

“ I missed you, you know that pretty girl?” soft tone, almost a whisper. A small smile he couldn't see but could feel made its way to your face. 

“I bet you say that to all the girls on your route.” he lets out a small chuckle.

“Only the breathtaking ones.” a falter to your features as your mind reeled with all the possibilities.

 Does he miss Mrs.Cunningham the way he misses you? Does he miss Ms.Buckley the same? That sick green monster finds its way under your skin as you think of all the girls he must have at his beck and call. But today that monster wasn’t going to ruin the few fleeting moments you could spend with him. You needed Eddie in the most carnal of ways.

“Do you want to know what I missed? “ Your fingers trail their way from the small of his back and up over his shoulder, landing on his neck just below his ear. Cupping his face you bring it down and catch his lips as they meet yours. 

“Oh yeah? you missed me too Pumpkin?” a second crash of your lips to his, makes him hum from the back of his throat. His nose nudges yours to the left so his teeth can catch your bottom lip, pulling back slightly to hear the small whine you emit.

“I always miss you, Eddie.”  His hands travel down over your figure as he starts to ruffle the hem of your dress up. Thankful for its length to hide how wet you had become just from him being in the home you share with your spouse. A topic you and Eddie tried to steer clear of, but the wrongness of the act just felt so right. 

Over a year your husband hadn’t touched you, barely talked to you and some days you were even sure he hadn't even looked in your direction. Eddie though, In the last two months, Eddie had made you feel seen. He made you feel heard, and most of all he made you feel desired.  

As his hand finds the thin cotton that covers your cunt he glides his digits over the wet patch that had grown by just the thought of him. A deep hum and a small huff of breath from Eddie against your neck as he kissed his way to your shoulder. 

“So wet for me and I've barely even touched you. Are you that starved for affection?” The words forming in that sweet small surrender to him were all but cut off as he slid a finger through your folds and teased your entrance. A gasp was the response he got, one he loved to hear in protest every time he had you. 

“C’mon honey tell me what you want.” how could you respond to him with words if you couldn't even think of them? The man before you had spent the last few months discovering just how to make you melt in his arms.

 He knew that the spot behind your knee was his best friend for when he had you on your back. He knew the way your hips stutter when you're close to your peak, and he knew that if your eyes found that they couldn't stay open that you were in utter bliss.

 His favorite thing he had learned throughout your time together though was that even when he knew you had your doubts, you still trusted him in every sense of the word. 

After only two months Eddie knew you better than you know yourself. Better than your husband had ever cared to know you.

“ Please, Eddie.” He smiled down at you 

“ Please What Honey?” 

“ Dip in Eddie, Fuck me please.”  He could feel the slackening of your legs as his assault on your clit had made you a bit sensitive, in his focus on making you feel as good as he possibly could, in what little time he had with you. He slid two of his thick fingers into your dripping heat as his thumb stayed in a rhythm that matched his wrist as he curled in and let the sounds of his efforts echo off the small kitchen walls. 

Moaning into Eddie's ear as his finger worked in and out of you making that heat inside of you grow higher and higher. Clutching the strap of his overalls, a small pull leaning back, as the pleasure he was giving you kept climbing. 

“ Come on now baby, let go.” A final intake of air, hold on to the breath that led you to your walls squeezing eddies fingers tight. That coil snapped as you let your body fall slack against him a loud moan from the farthest depths within you found its way out of your lungs. 

When your eyes land on Eddie after your come down all you can see is that smile. The dimple-creasing smile that kept haunting your dreams at night. 

“I need more.” You didn’t know how but his smile grew even wider and more sinister as his tone began to deepen. A kiss is pressed to your lips, not urgent, understanding. 

“ You need more? Well, it's a damn good thing that what you're asking for is in stock then Pumpkin.” He turned you around to face the small table that sat in your kitchen, knowing what he wanted from you. He wasn’t the only one taking notes from your time together. 

You braced yourself against the worn wood and clutched the sides of it as you heard the familiar clinks of metal as his rings fumbled with the buckle of his belt.  

The wait, though it is small, is brutal. Anticipation makes your stomach flip and cunt flutter. A shuffle out of his overalls gives Eddie a moment to just admire the way you listen so well. These small moments have him thanking every bad decision that got him here. To this small town, with this small job, on this small route. A route he picked up as a last resort. Yeah, he doesn't know who he's praying to but whoever is listening, he's singing grace. 

A grip in the slight pudge of your hips to keep himself steady, Eddie is gentle as he slips his cock through your folds gathering your slick over his length and breaching your desire. A deep moan and a few choice words fall from Eddie as he fills you and meets the small wavering gasp you let out, a breath you didn't know you had been holding.  A whine of impatience, his sign to move. 

A soft speed turns ravenous as his dick uses your walls to curve his hooks into you deeper and deeper. A sigh of his name and you can feel the stutter in his thrust. He slows his pace if only to keep himself from having to leave your presence all too soon.  

"Fuck darling, so good to me, taking me so well like this pussy was made for me."  You mewl from beneath him, dropping your forehead to the wood that is holding you up. You fear that if it had not been here your legs would have given up the second he started talking. "Isn't that right pumpkin? Made just for me? " A sharp thrust and you know he wants an answer in the way his grip turns bruising. A trip through your mind as you try and collect the words from thin air. 

"YES! God yes, I was made just for you." 

"Such a good girl for me baby. That's right, isn't it? You're all mine aren't you?"  Another squeeze to your hip and a smack that lands hard on your ass. Eddie's palm kneads the sting as you answer him. 

" All yours, all yours, no one else, just you baby." A grunt hum from the back of his throat as he grips your shoulder and leans so his body is flush with yours. His breath is on your neck as he leans to your ear. 

"Not even your husband, just you and me baby?" 

"Just you and me Ed's" Your eyes tunnel and you see white as your orgasm rushes through you, Eddie's own a thrust away as he moans deep against your skin. His body weight and yours against the kitchen table as you both find your way down from the clouds. 

Small kisses he leaves to your spine and the back of your neck. You turn your head and he places another small one to the upturned corner of your mouth. A bell chimes and you sit for a few seconds letting Eddie gather his own bearings. A small pat to the curve of your pussy as Eddie pulls the cotton back in place. A shock to your sensitivity.

"Keep that in there baby, that way you have a part of me while I'm gone." A heat to your cheeks as the thought of Eddie's cum dripping out of you while your husband sat across from you and read the paper over dinner. A sly smirk from the man you just let defile the small space, one you would let do ungodly things to you. 

You put on oven mitts as Eddie finds a few glasses in the cabinet. You slice into the flakey crust and slip through the filling as you place the large piece on a plate for you to share. Eddie pours milk as you find some silverware, he places the bottles in your fridge so they keep.

Turning with a smile, he is the definition of adoration. In your eyes he is everything. 

Why is it that when his time with you is coming to an end you almost wish it would end as soon as possible? Almost as if you would wish he would part with some harsh words to make you not want him in the most beautiful ways. You have to make yourself believe these things before he leaves because if you don’t, it would just shatter you. So you take a different route, you don’t shatter yourself, instead, you splinter and crack all the things that hold you until you see him again. The times where he glues those little shards back in place if only for you to break them off again and again. A scared thought and a small shake of your head trying to rid yourself of it. A married woman. What would he possibly want from you other than a good lay? 

He sees that doubt within your mind as if reading it. He takes your hand in his as he laces your fingers together. 

“ Penny for your thoughts Pumpkin?” You glance finally meeting his eyes as you clear your throat. 

“ Nothing important hun.” You slide a fork to his side of the table as your eyes dart to the clock.  He squeezes your hand once more, lowering his eyes in search of yours again. 

“It is important if it bothers you.” Your heart stops. The breath you were going to take gets caught in your throat and you turn on that winning smile you had trained yourself to hold in uncomfortable circumstances. One you wish he couldn't see through.

“ It’s nothing Eds, really.” 

“Do you promise?” you take a hand and cup his cheek.

 How do you tell him that he is your first thought in the morning and the last thought before falling asleep? How instead of counting sheep you try and count the freckles on his face by sheer memory?  How could you tell him you wish you were his one and only? That you have never felt about another human soul the way you feel about his. Instead, you stuff it down, apple pie soon to follow. 

“I Promise.”  

You know he doesn’t believe you but he would rather set out to sea and die of starvation as the sharks feed from him than to make the last moments he has with you tainted with fights and tears. God when you cry it absolutely destroys him. 

The first time you had ever let him take you in his arms you had just gotten off the phone with your husband. He had heard hushed words while he waited for you to grab the weekly tip your husband left for him. Your husband had informed you that he would not be coming home, as the fight from the night before had lingered into the morning and would now follow you well into the night. The first time you had opened the door Eddie studied the angelic features of your face, and they had plagued his dreams for such a long time at this point.

When you rounded the corner with a smudge of mascara beneath your eyes, he instantly without thinking took you in, pushing your face to his chest as his hand rested on the back of your head. Slight comfort made the tears begin again as he wiped the remainder of the smudge and irritation from your face. No man had ever done something as small as comforting you before.  In the two months since he had started this route, he knew he had instantly fallen head over heels in love with you.

You had taken two bites from the plate that sat in front of you and Eddie had finished the slice. He even went as far as to slide a finger in the crumbs on the plate and lick them off in an attempt to show you how much he had enjoyed it. His time with you. 

A gathering of glasses you brought to the sink as he brought the other dishes and sat them in the deep well while wrapping his arms around your waist and you stood eyes closed relishing in the last little bit of affection he could offer to you. 

A kiss to your shoulder as you turn your head resting it on his.

“I’ll be by in a week Pumpkin.” A nod to the fact you already knew. “ Seven days.” Another nod, not risking the crumble in your voice. “ Not long at all.”  Another small kiss to your cheek as you turned into his chest and rested your forehead on his. 

“Seven days?” 

“ Seven days Pumpkin. Do you think you can wait for me? Just seven days? “

“I think I could wait a lifetime for you Eddie.” 

“I’ll see you in a week, Mrs.Carver.”

“ A week Mr.Munson.” 

A kiss to your lips and a parting gift of his very own pie before he snuck out through the back door, so as to not raise suspicion. A slow walk from the kitchen to the door and to turn a lock, on your mind. On your hope. You could do this. You could wait seven days.

Your husband comes through the door late as he had been doing for the last year or so. You had expected it from him at this point. You had started to make his dinner later and later knowing that if you had made it too early he would tell you all the ways he couldn't eat it. If it had gone too cold he would refuse and the hard work would go directly into the trash. 

He walked in as you took his dinner off the stove and placed it on a dish for him.

“Right on time doll.”

“ I don’t know how on time it is, It’s Nearly eight in the evening, Jason!”     

“ I’m not doing this with you tonight.”  

He always did this. He would come home and you would ask him where he had been, and he’d always end the conversation before it could even begin. You sat his plate in front of him as you sat across the table from him. Times where you could really take him in and see that the feelings you had once long ago were snuffed out like a flame to a candle.

“ Are you not eating dear?” 

“ I ate a bit earlier in the day.”

“Thanks for waiting .”  He rolled his eyes and you returned the gesture. 

“ I wouldn’t have had to wait if you had just picked up the phone and told me when you were going to be on your way home. I’m not waiting until we hit a new day to eat Jason I’m not going hungry just so you-”

“ Wouldn’t harm you any though would it.” 

You left the table. Your weight had started to become a key focus as he knew it bothered you more than anything else. You had gained some weight and your mother and friends had commented on it from time to time. For your husband to tho, it made you furious. You ate when you were unhappy, it was something you had done since you were a child. The only person who thought you could stand to eat a little more had been Eddie. 

It happened slowly, you would make him food now and then, and the majority of the time He would offer you a bit. It started with a bite and progressed into cutting his sandwiches in half just so you could have something to eat. Unlike your husband, Eddie had a suspicion that you weren’t eating enough. Like you weren’t giving your body what it needed to survive so he would constantly ask for you to eat with him. At least then he would know you had something of substance within your day.  

You had gone to your bedroom and gotten out of your daily’s slowly separating them into their hampers waiting to hear the stomping footsteps of Jason as he made his way to the spare bedroom. He had taken residency there about a month before Eddie came into your life and you were thankful for the times that Eddie left you yearning for more. To call out another man's name while with your significant other no matter how insignificant they were would still bring you shame like no other.

Slipping into your nightgown as Jason shuts the door to his room you wait a few minutes to take the walk back down the stairs to stand in front of the sink. Looking up at the sky through the window above the stars seem to shine brightly. You attempt to find the little dipper and look for its companion not far from where it lays, the version of a larger size. Constellations begin to blur as you let the silent tears fall. Hoping that somewhere out there in this little old town, Eddie too is looking up at the moon and wishing you were by his side as you wished upon all the stars in the sky. What a long time seven days would be.

[heliotropehotch]

from eden - a.h. x fem!reader

a/n: Like a phoenix, I have reemerged from the ashes of what was one my fanfiction writing career. I feel like I do this every time, I get super into writing for a couple of months, and then dip for what feels like years. So many things have happened! And I can't wait to catch up!

Please enjoy this purely fluff, purely sweet spring fic. (i'm not sure if I like it or not, any feedback is appreciated)

author: once again, finally, abby<3

words: 978

warnings: allusions to sex, almost fondling, cheeky hotch

///

The sunlight shined through the pollen-dusted window in the late morning of the day. The pane was cracked at the bottom, an ambient rustling of the trees in the wind echoing into the bedroom. Her skin welcomed the warm rays that bled into the room and spilt across the bed she rested on. Her bent legs had tangled in the crisp sheets that comforted her the night before. In her hands rest a book with well-loved pages and spine. It was soft and pliable against her fingers. She hummed against the wind, mouth twitching upwards as she read over a favorite line.

“You look awfully lonesome,” Aaron’s voice cut over the soft music playing throughout the house. She eyed his smirk over the top of the book, a small smile of her own playing against her lips. “I can’t have you looking this tragic and tempting.” 

“Get closer to me, then.” Her focus shifted back to the text in front of her, smile unwavering. She attempted to maintain that focus, even as she felt the mattress dip beside her, and even as he scooted her body forward just to slot himself behind her. She began to lose it, though, just as she felt his breath brush against the nape of her neck, and just as his fingers dusted across her arms to wrap themselves around her waist.

“How’s your book?” his chest rumbled as she spoke, lulling her like a siren away from her reading. She hummed as she reread the last sentence for the 5th time.

“It’s good, as always.” One of his hands released her to brush a strand of hair away from her cheek, where he rested his lips momentarily. His volumed lowered itself as he spoke into her ear. 

“I was thinking I could pick up a copy and read with you.” She turned to face him at this. His eyes were light now that they were in the sun, similar to the warmth of whiskey, and they were focused on her lips immediately. 

“You would want to do that?” She almost asked in disbelief, but only because she knew his free time was limited, and reserved for his favorite people. “Wouldn’t that take up your time on your off days?” 

He rested his forehead against hers, smile unwavering. “Well yes,” he chuckled. “But it’d be time I’m taking with you, it’s your favorite book. Plus, Jack is about to go away with his grandparents for spring break anyways.”

Her smile grew, leaning up to peck his lips quickly. “Then I’d like that very much.”

He tightened his arms around her and rested his lips on the crook of her neck. “Good,”

He sighed out of fondness, not tiredness. “I’m sure there’s other things we can do together to take up time.”

Her hand dropped to her lap, an amused eye roll gracing her face. “I knew there were ulterior motives, you little snake,” she giggled as he pinched her side. “You’re an evil one, Aaron.”

“Hey!” He feigned offence. “There’s something wrong here if you think me wanting to love on you is evil.” He pressed another kiss to her skin, right behind her ear. “Besides, we can do both things together.”

She scoffed, as she picked up the book and attempted to read yet again. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I can multitask that well.”

He barked out a laugh underneath her. “I didn’t mean at the same time, sweetheart. Though, now you’ve given me an idea.” She laughed against him, nearly giving up on her task as his fingertips rested just under her breasts. 

Aaron took a second to take in the sight before him. His love laying in the sun like this precious work of art only he ever got to lay his eyes on. He felt its familiarity, its effect causing a mirror image of his happier younger years. 

“You’re going to corrupt me, you know,” she reached a hand up to rake her fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. Aaron smiled as he turned her around in his lap to face him. He placed a gentle hand on her cheek that she nuzzled into. 

“You mean I haven’t already? I thought I was a snake.” He pulled her closed, their chests nearly touching.

She combed her fingers through his hand once more, before trailing her fingers to graze his lips. “Maybe just a little.”

He grinned at her and tugged her mouth to him. She kissed him slow, as if the moment would never end. She kissed him as if there was nothing else in the world to do. Her air filled his lungs, and he accepted it as if it would be his last breath. When they broke apart, their own little world remained undisturbed. Their forehead pressed together. “It seems I have some work to do, then.”

She scoffs once again, in love with the thought of him consuming her. “I think I can handle it.” She leaned forward as she wrapped her arm around his torso and rested her cheek just under his chin. His arms found their way back around her, just as his lips found their way to the top of her head. She hummed against him, the same sweet melody flooding through their home. 

“You are quite distracting, you know.” He chuckled under her, fingers brushing along her back. Her lips found his chest and placed a soft kiss wherever she could reach. His hand flexed against her hip each time she did. 

“Yeah, I know.” He sighed, pinching her side again and eliciting a giggle. “But you love it.”

The next weekend, the sun once again slithered its way into the room. Aaron’s new copy of the book sat unread on his bedside table, next to her loved copy and two cups of forgotten coffee.

///

tagging some friends who I hope remember me and are still active lmao: @spacecowboyhotch @thedancingnerdmermaid @rousethemouse @ddejavvu @ssahotstuff @ssamorganhotchner @genevievedarcygranger @sleepyreaderreads

[axailslink]

The heart of a man

Rosalie Otterbourne x poc FEM reader

Part 1, Part 2

Summary: You have a diary in which you express how you want to be with a woman it finds its way into Rosalie's hand and she finds herself fascinated because she relates to too many of your words.

Snippet from the fic: “ You turn on your heel to approach the door but Rosalie grabs your arm firmly "with your permission I'd like to read the rest." ”

Everyone in the church scatters like roaches as church service finds itself coming to an end. Rosalie is of course one of the last as she speaks with the preacher asking about his family and well-being. When she turns to dismiss herself from the conversation she bumps into you and you're smitten. You know of Rosalie because everyone knows of Rosalie.

Rosalie is the embodiment of the word "independent" she was well raised by her aunt Salome Otterbourne and is also a bit like her in many ways but they differ when it comes to beauty. Rosalie's beauty is unlike any other her sharp facial features draw you in first then her alluring eyes will hold you in a demanding stare and soon your eyes will find their way to her lightly glossed and very kissable lips. You're brought back to reality when Rosalie speaks in that very distinct voice of hers "my apologies Y/n I hadn't noticed your presence" you shake your head "no you're perfectly fine Rosalie I was just leaving." The pastor sighs "you were trying to leave without my knowledge so I couldn't ask you to sing for the choir next Sunday? I've heard that voice you've got on you girl. Why don't you use it? Come sing for us." You place your leather journal down as you engage in conversation with the very persistent pastor.

🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎

After convincing your pastor you'd make the church burn in flames if you sang, you leave in a hurry to get away before the first lady could try to convince you otherwise.

Rosalie finds herself staying behind to help clean. When she's finally finished your little journal peeking beneath a couple sheets of music papers catches her interest. She knows you wouldn't have left it purposefully so she grabs it before leaving she of course had thoughts on returning said journal but the urge to reveal its contents definitely overpowers the urge to return it.

Rosalie spends many nights reading the pages of your journal finding out who you really are and what you actually want from a relationship. She hadn't expected for these pages to be so intimate. None of these words had she ever expected to come from you.

Shy reserved Y/n you're truly the romantic type.

Rosalie feels like she truly knows you the more she reads she even has favorite quotes from your seemingly continuous daily entries but today she finds one specific entry very interesting it has no title which is odd because all the others do. Unlike the others this seems to be ramblings of your own thoughts and Rosalie's invested. So much that she's cuddled into her couch with a box of cracker jacks with her radio turned off so she can lose herself in your writing.

I truly believe I have no heart because when he smiles at me I feel nothing but HER presence makes me feel everything my heart speeds up and I get nervous. I want her in a way that I can't have her. I want Rosalie Otterbourne. I want to kiss her. I want to touch her. I want to love her the way this man thinks he loves me.

Rosalie shoots up from her spot so fast with no emotion but shock filling her mind. This is the first time a name has been mentioned throughout this leather book and it's her name.

In the earlier pages Rosalie's fingers ran over many words no one should say in the innocence of daylight for example what you'd want to do to a woman how you'd like to please a woman. It's all shocking to her that she's the woman you had in mind as you wrote such sinful things. You Y/n L/n want to please a woman and not just any woman but Miss Rosalie Otterbourne.

Rosalie is left speechless but her moment of shock is cut short when a loud and hard knock on her door breaks the silence of the room. Not used to visitors Rosalie tramples over the many books decorating her floor so well you wouldn't know there was carpet underneath. She makes her way to the closest gown which she pulls over her previously nude body before quickly approaching the door.

Rosalie was so enamored in your journal she hadn't noticed it was pouring down rain so when she opens the door she immediately welcomes you into her home. "Y/n why the visit?" Rosalie centers herself in front of you to avoid your sight of the journal which she isn't aware you had already caught sight of when you first entered. Your eyes take in the beautiful sight in front of you as you rid yourself of your coat "I was informed that you may have something that belongs to me Miss Otterbourne."

Rosalie ponders if she should lie but she chooses not to. Well…not fully anyways. Is making something up on the spot a lie? "Ah you mean the leather book, yes? I meant to return it I've just been occupied…" you don't believe her for a second it may not have taken her long to make herself presentable but the open state of your journal and her nervous expression makes it all clear.

She's read it. She's read every filthy thought that you've had about her. She's read how you want to put your tongue in places it shouldn't be and how you wish you could please her the way no man ever could.

"Was it a good read?" Rosalie's attention turns to the journal just for a moment before it lands back on you "oh yes it was a lovely read I'm deeply sorry that I didn't ask first…I found myself captiv-"

"Lovely you say and what about it was lovely Miss Otterbourne? My diction? Maybe my tone or perhaps it was the mention of your name?" You pick the journal up and look over the page smiling at your cursive and how beautiful her name looks written in black ink.

"I won't tell anyone I never meant to see it. I was curious is all your writing is amazing I couldn't put it down once I had read the first page. I find myself needing to read more" you nod "if you promise that you won't speak a word of this I'll be taking my leave." You turn on your heel to approach the door but Rosalie grabs your arm firmly. She doesn't feel it but your heart quickens from her warm touch "with your permission I'd like to read the rest."

A/n: Part 2 is already in the works and will be a bit longer this is a filler chapter. Also before anyone can say it yes I've not made a fic in a while I know it's just that school is bussing my ass but thankfully my wifi went out so I had some time today.

Taglist:

@verachii

@mocha-aya

@shuriszn

@lolas-bunny

@lucillele

@shuri-lover

@quintessencewrites

@shuris3leg

@yamsthoughts

@saintwrld

@rxcently

@lunax0654

@karimwillia

@adeola-the-explorer

@garbagesleepschedule

@bratydoll

@ctrl-liah

@trixielwt

@6-noir

@annoyingtidalwavequeen

@atssukoo

@inmyheadimobsessed

@letitias-fav

@rxcently

@iwillbiteabitch

@malltake12

@mxyx-rx444

@kiwidreamersstuff

@secretgyals

@shurisnewbabymomma

@shurisbigtoe

@darkangelchronicles

@writesbyriri

@locoforshuri

@mbakuetshurisprincess

@sleepyshuri

[metalmaul]

this Christmas season, let's remember the classics

* EDIT: I've thought about it and I feel like I should provide a transcript because this video isn't subtitled (I just ripped it from YouTube,) so apologies for this becoming a Very Long post but it's just the right thing to do. I tried to make it as accurate as possible but there might be some mistakes.

---

Joel: I think it's, uh, kinda hot to be wearing these scarves in here.

Crow: Oh, well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a scarf, you'll catch your death!

Joel: You know, you are like one of those kids I remember in, uh, high school that used to sell the most candy bars for the marching band.

Crow: Haha, yeah.

Tom: President of the swing choir, too.

Crow: Ahaha, thanks Joel Robinson, thanks Tom Servo.

Tom: What a kiss-up, this guy...

Crow: Ah, okay, now, if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we can rehearse my new song.

Joel: You wrote a Christmas song?

Crow: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition, haha!

Tom: Wait a minute— "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas?"

Crow: Uh, yeah, yeah! Based on my favorite movie, Roadhouse.

Tom: C'mon, what the heck does Patrick Swayze have to do with Christmas?!

Crow: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine, okay?

Tom: Ugh, jeez...

Joel: C'mon, Servo, it seems like a nice enough sentiment. We can give it a shot.

Crow: Alright, okay, okay, uh: 12:8 time, key of A flat major— and, Cambot, shoot 'em the tune!

[instrumental melody begins briefly & ends]

Crow: Okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay?

[Tom singing along with the melody]

Crow: All your parts are written out. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas" by Crow T. Robot.

Joel: "All: 'Let's Have a Patrick—'

Joel & Tom: '—Swayze Christmas...?'"

Crow: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

[instrumental melody begins again]

Tom: Oh! Oh, I start! I get it.

Crow: Yeah, I'm sorry...

Tom: Okay, pick it up. Uh, mm...

[singing begins]

Tom: Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in. /

Crow: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin. /

Joel: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night "thing..." /

Crow, Joel, & Tom: We'll decorate a barstool and gather 'round and sing. /

Tom: Oh! Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year, /

Crow: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear! /

[singing stops]

Joel: Oh, oh, hold it a second, Cambot stop it.

[music stops]

Joel: Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

Crow: Hey, like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?

Joel: W-well, no, it's just that I've never heard of a action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

Crow: Well then, grab hold to your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!

Joel & Tom: Okay.

Tom: Pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

[instrumental melody begins again]

Tom: Lovely intro, very tasteful.

Crow: Thank you.

Tom: I like that...

[singing begins again]

Tom: It's my way or the highway this Christmas at my ba-a-ar. /

Crow: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car. /

Joel: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till, /

Crow & Tom: I think that that right-jolly-old-elf better make out his will! /

Joel & Tom: Oh, /

Crow, Joel, & Tom: Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all! And this can be the haziest, /

[instrumental flourish]

Tom: Oooooo~ Haha.

Crow, Joel, & Tom: This can be the laziest, /

[instrumental flourish]

Crow, Joel, & Tom: This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them all! /

Tom: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, ha-ha~ /

[song ends]

Crow: How long before it becomes a standard?

Joel: I think you gotta come with me, c'mon.

Crow: Aaaaaaaahhh!!!

Tom: Ugh, we'll be right back, heh. Save a leg for me! Heheheheh...

[MST3K theme music plays]

[riftwirecrystal]

NINJAGO STARSTRUCK AU - SPINJITZU AT 25:00 OPENING

This is the opening of the Ninjago x Project Sekai Nightcord swap.

Hey guys, I worked hard to make sure I kept most of the character's traits present, while coinciding with N25's main story. It would mean a lot if you stopped by to read a bit!!

Harumi Yoisaki

"This isn't right. Maybe if I…? Yes, that works."

My name is Harumi Yoisaki. I am a digital composer.

I would be a second year student of high school, but I do not go to school. I live by myself and complete online courses. My parents used to work in music.

I work in a group. We meet every night on our night chat, Spinjitzu. Ever since my parents were hospitalized I promised to keep doing what they did.

I don't live in a very roomy apartment. I barely pay the rent. Sometimes I will forget to eat.

But, I continue. Because I must compose.

I visit my parents sometimes. They don't wake up. They never will.

Because they are dead. And it's my fault.

So I continue. And the cycle will go on.I must compose.

Even though sometimes it's hard, I continue. Because this is my place. I will save someone.

I just need to keep composing. And soon…I will be able to save someone from the same fate as my parents.

They went out to drive…

"No. I will not think about it. I will keep going. I must save someone…

"My screen lit up.

"Hey Rue, I finished arranging that part for you. Do you want the demo?"

It was from L. He arranges my music and adds lyrics.

"Yes please," I wrote back. He sent the file, and I pressed play.

A harsh, but sweet melody flooded the room. The composition flowed smoothly with the arrangements L did.

"Thank you, L. It sounds good," I typed.

"I'm glad. I think I'm going to log off," he typed back.

So early? That's weird…"Get some sleep! You must be tired, but it sounds good though," typed Nyad.

"Yeah, I heard you had class tomorrow, so rest well," added PIX.

Nyad works with our other member, PIX. Nyad does the art while PIX does the editing.

We post songs and music videos on our shared account, S25. Usually I get slightly more of the cut we make due to my living situation, but I still make sure to give them the amount they deserve too.

We've never met each other face to face, but I find joy in working with the three of them.

Even with that, I'm not doing this for fun.

I must compose.

Lloyd Asahina

I logged off the computer.

I am Lloyd Asahina, a second year high school student.

I glanced at the sheet of music on my desk, then the workbook that’s shoved to the floor.

Guess I should do that then, huh?

I slowly and miserably picked up the book from the ground, then placed it on my desk.

But I couldn't open it.

I didn't want to open it.

But I had to, didn't I?

I had to.

I ended up finishing the notes and assignments I was supposed to take next week.

Hopefully that will be enough…

My mother called from the hallway. "Lloyd? Are you still awake?"

"Yeah. Just finishing some things for next week," I said.

She softly opened the door. "Good. I don't want you being all caught up with those people online again. You know what happened last time. You're so talented and gifted, and I want the best for you… okay?"

It's hard to fight with her. I gave up a long time ago. Now I only hide.

"Yes, mom," I replied.

My mother is Dr. Misako Asahina. She is one of the most famous and world renowned doctors in the world. She has no interest in music, and expects me to take a similar career to her.

But I don't know what I want to do. I don't know who I am.

What do I want to be…?

But I continue to do whatever she says. I don't know why. I just can't defy her, no matter how hard I want to.

I'm supposed to be the best for everyone around me. Why stop now…?

I haven't known myself for a long time now. It's nothing new to feel like this.I can't help it. I still hate it.

But if that's the case, why can't I leave it…?Deep down, I knew the truth.I could not escape.

I have been forever alone.

I hate it.

I hate myself.

I have lost who I am.

Nya Shinonome

For forever, I have wanted to become an artist.

I have many names.

Nya Shinonome, for one.

But I can also be Kai’s sister, a little girl, the loner, etc.

I am all of them.

Yet I am none of what I want to be.

I do not go to school during the day.

I have never been able to choose my own path.

When I try, I am constantly told I’m not good enough.

I should give up.

I should stop trying.

I am not talented.

I am not valued.

But I persevere.

My destiny should be what I make. Not what anyone else says. I will be good enough. I can be good enough.

But am I really?

Yes, I always tell myself.

As I tell myself this again, I get a text message from PIX in the chat.

“Hey Nyad, can I see the storyboard you were working on for the next song?”

I quickly sent her the progress I’d made so far. “Here.”

“Thanks! You’re so talented, I’d never be like you,” she responded.

That made me feel a bit better.

Sometimes it does get hard.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything right.

Sometimes I feel completely and utterly useless.

Sometimes I just feel like I want to disappear.

It’s the worst feeling in the world.

But I need to prove everyone who doubted me wrong.It doesn’t matter who tells me I can’t do it.

My parents, my teachers, my brother, none of them.

I will pursue my dream.

Even if it means I’ll have to fight all the doubts clouding my head.

Pixal Akiyama

I sighed.

Everyone else had logged off already.

What do I do now..?

I looked at my bag and remembered the schoolwork due next week.

"I really don't want to do that right now…"

I tried to ignore it and started working on the new music video. My name is Pixal Akiyama. I am a first year high school student.

I use my friend Nyad's art in edits for Rue and L's songs. Lately my inspiration has been lacking. I'm not sure why.

School life isn't much better either. It's been a while since I've talked to Sora… I noticed an influx in people calling me names and avoiding me too. I'm always excluded and made fun of.

I don't know why.

I miss my dad…

My dad is Cyrus Akiyama, a clothing designer with a very different approach to styles. He moved away to work for his company a few months ago.

I haven't had many people to talk to recently.

I miss talking.

It's been so long…

I miss having people to confide in. To run to. To trust.

No one accepts me. And no one will.

I am alone. Forever and ever.

[snickerdoodlles]

📖

:D ❤

spiritual sister fic to red!! Chay breaks Kim's brain this time with curly hair (why does Barcode look so adorable with curly hairrr).

so that ft jealousy kink, because i adore jealousy/possessiveness kink, where the plot is Chay got talked into doing some music club mentor-mentee thing and his mentor has a crush the size of jupiter on him and keeps trying to monopolize Chay's time hoping he'll start crushing back (but mostly just annoying Chay). Chay isn't oblivious to the flirting, he just genuinely can't understand why anyone would genuinely try to flirt with him when he's dating Kim. obviously???? Kim is the best???? Chay loves Kim and loves dating Kim, who'd be stupid enough to think he'd date them instead???? the only part of this Chay cares about is Kim finding more excuses to visit (read: cling) to him on campus and the constantly refreshed hickies. Chay enjoys that very much.

anyways, ends with curly hair!Chay serenading Kim in public, Kim makes himself into Chay's backpack because he likes him so! much!, and Kim saying something like "bye Dew" to Dew (Chay's mentor) because he's a smug cunt, Dew angrily informing Kim his name is Drive asshole, and Chay going "*blink blink* it is?????" because he never actually remembered the guy's name and somehow his misunderstanding never got corrected. now it's Kim's turn to tackle Chay into a wall because so fucking hot.

idk why this fic got stuck where it did, but it's been stuck for months now rip. maybe i'll return to this one later and figure out how to unstick it or absorb it into something else, but for now, you can read the first scene of this fic under the cut since it makes me laugh;

Kim is about to embark on the most devious and tactical scheme in his whole life.

This isn’t his typical approach to things. He’s always been more of a doer than a planner, and so far his guns blazing approach in life has worked out pretty well for him. But for this scheme, with its potential rewards so sweet, he’s done weeks of recon and meticulous planning until he was nearly sure of his success. He could wait longer, eliminate all variables and refine his plans until things are guaranteed to run like clockwork, but it’s taken ages just to arrive to this point and Kim is low on patience. Sometimes, you just had to jump and improvise during the fall.

Despite his resolve, adrenaline floods his veins that morning as he leaves his shower. He refuses to let any of it show—timing is critical, so he dries his hair and applies his lotion the same way he would any other morning, taking no more nor less time than normal. His motions are smooth and relaxed—he is far too well trained to let his limbs tremble with nerves or anything so pedestrian. An obnoxious alarm sounds from the bedroom, right on time, and Kim’s heart skips a beat, but he forces his expression into something of indifference. The alarm cuts out, Kim just able to make out a faint groan through the door and, with one last roll of his shoulders, because he is the picture of nonchalance, Kim exits the bathroom wearing nothing but a short towel low on his hips and water drops across his shoulders.

He doesn’t actually see Chay as he, very casually, struts past the bed. Another groan emerges from the lump of blankets on it, then an enterprising hand that slaps the bed space Kim usually occupies. Chay whines cutely when his search comes up empty, and Kim forces himself not to smile and keeps on walking to get dressed.

The sheets rustle behind him and Chay grumbles incoherently, but Kim doesn’t turn and opens his wardrobe instead. Every morning, while he’s still fuzzy with sleep, Chay will seek Kim out for a quick nuzzle and a kiss when he first wakes up. If Kim’s not in bed, Chay will force himself upright, rub his eyes and blink blearily at their wardrobe past the foot of their bed, and then—if he has morning wood—seek Kim out for his missed kiss, or—if he’s just sleepy—head for the shower to wake himself up. Kim, positioned perfectly in Chay’s expected sight line, has plans to ensure the first.

“Mm,” Chay sighs, loudly. Kim is so tempted to turn around. But Chay’s extolled the virtues of his back, multiple times now, and while Kim’s not completely sure what he finds so great about it, he’s not above using it to his advantage.

(Besides, the scratch marks have started to fade. Chay could do with a reminder.)

A soft grunt comes from behind him, but Kim ignores it. He hums, some tuneless thing to drown out any of Chay’s soft sleepy sounds, until Chay finally rasps, “Kim…”

The sound scrapes pleasantly across Kim’s nerves, but Kim locks the feeling down and only gives Chay a careless, seemingly half-attentive hum as he looks casually over his shoulder, hips cocked in a way that makes it look like he has an ass but not like he’s trying too hard.

And fuck, is Chay a sight to behold. He’s propped his head up with one hand, staring at Kim with hooded eyes and his shirt sliding up to reveal a sliver of his hips. Chay hums, voice still raspy with sleep, and drags his free hand through his fluffy bedhead before dropping it back down to play with the hem of his boxers and ugh, Kim wants to be the one doing those things to him so bad.

But he has an agenda this morning, one he really wants to succeed, and for that he needs patience and subtlety.

Kim smiles at Chay but then turns back to his wardrobe, pretending to admire his clothing selection while using his peripherals to watch Chay, and subtly flexes his muscles. Chay sighs gustily.

Kim feels more than sees Chay’s eyes sweep up his form. Yes, he thinks, careful to hide his glee. He is so close, just a few more subtle pushes, and surely then—

Then Chay flops back and throws his arm over his eyes with a groan. “Nevermind.”

…On second thought, best not to leave anything to chance.

Kim turns heel and quickly—but casually—crawls onto the bed and into the space between Chay’s thighs. Chay grunts inquisitively, face still hidden, but automatically spreads his thighs to make room for Kim. He’s so good.

“You can’t just say that to me,” Kim complains. Chay moves his arm to squint at Kim, and Kim turns his pout up full force as he settles, half draped, over Chay. “Now I’m curious.”

Chay snorts. “You and your issues with secrets,” he gripes playfully. Kim nods solemnly, turning his pout into a well practiced, soulfully pleading look, and the corners of Chay’s mouth twitch as he tries not to smile. “Like you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Kim blinks guilelessly. “Hmm?”

Chay snorts again, but his hands find the warm skin of Kim’s hips. His towel, already barely hanging on, falls open with the lightest of tugs. Chay’s eyes sweep down, heavy lidded with appreciation.

“Not a single clue, huh?”

“Mm,” Kim agrees, and gives up trying to hide his smile.

A matching smile flashes across Chay’s face and then he’s pulling Kim closer, until their hips push together and Kim can feel the hard chub of Chay’s dick through his sleep shorts, and Kim’s moving from his hands to his elbows and trying not to smile too wide as he moves in for a kiss—

And Chay suddenly rears up to blow his morning breath right onto Kim’s face.

Kim pauses, instincts beating back his lust to keep them from whacking heads, nose wrinkled at the stale smell, and Chay falls back cackling over his prank. He gets exactly two seconds of laughter before Kim kisses him anyways, bad morning breath and all.

Chay laughs against his lips and Kim falls into him. “This is so gross,” Chay complains, even as he holds Kim close and lightly scratches his nails over the fading marks across his back.

“Mm,” Kim hums, not really agreeing, and moves in for another kiss. Kim loves all sides of Chay, from the gross to the clean, and he kisses him without reservation or care. And for all his little exasperated huffs and puffs, Chay yields easily, wonderfully, to the wet slide of their lips. Kim should plan and scheme more often, if it means getting Chay’s thighs around his hips, Chay’s nails scratching through his hair and down his back, Chay’s moans sweet against his mouth.

Just when Kim is about to declare this venture a success and trade in their sweet kisses for something more wanton, Chay’s second alarm goes off.

And. Chay. Leaves.

“Ignore it,” Kim whines as Chay slides out from underneath him, giving up on all attempts to seduce Chay into doing what he wants and finally just begging.

Chay pauses, his fingers frozen over his still-singing phone, a mess of conflicted emotions crossing his face. It’s unfair, for him to try to walk away when he looks so tempting, bedhead tangled in a wonderful mess of curls and his lips wet and red from their kisses. Kim shifts his hips and Chay’s eyes dart to his hard dick. He even moans, a delightful hungry sound that makes Kim want to tackle Chay off their bed and fuck him right there on the floor, but then Chay shakes his head and fully pulls away.

“I can’t,” he says, mournful but insistent, “I have that mentor thing, remember?” Then he shuts off his alarm and shuffles into their bathroom, looking sad and forlorn but not stopping.

Kim flops back on their bed with a curse. Scheme almost a success.

[littlecritterz]

Urusei Yatsura Art Book Review!

Before I get into the review, I want to gush about how much I adore this book, the series as a whole, and its characters! I started watching the 2022 anime, after seeing a clip of it. The art style is so cute and very colorful!

Prepare for a long read!

I've been keeping up with this series a lot lately, I recommend it if you like slice-of-life mixed with some silliness (and great animation)! Recently, I started watching the original series, which is just as amazing as this one- there's also things that weren't shown (yet?) in the 2022 version of the series. I would like to read the original manga soon, too!

Alright,

Time for the book review! Please note that I'm not showing things in any particular order, and that I'm mainly going to be talking about how cool stuff is lol. I got the book from Ebay (that's what I use the most), and it arrived safe and sound a few weeks later.

The cover art is really cute, especially with the two chibis on the bottom left! I really love how they went about shading Lum's hair in this iteration of the character. I don't have any translations for anything in this book, unfortunately, but we can still appreciate the art!

Upon opening the book, there is a poster that unfolds- above is the front:

And here is the back! The art on both sides is really charming, and the backgrounds are absolutely stunning, especially in that front image. There's just something about it that I really like, from Ataru and Lum's interaction, and the lighting: it works together so well!

On the flipside, all of the characters running is really fun to look at- each character is running (or flying) in a different way, it's subtle, but it shows a small piece of their personality, in a sense.

This is the page before the character design section of the book, which is absolutely stunning: The artists use a lot of patterns and shapes, and I'm all here for it!

Here are some snippets from the character design portion:

One thing I really enjoy about character design is the expressions, and the various outfits the characters are drawn in. Each character has their own unique sense of fashion! I like Ataru's clothing choice, it's stuff that I could see myself wearing- comfy long sleeved tops and simple, cute button downs!

The expressions are so cutesy and cartoonish, I can't get enough of it! As a character artist myself, these pages are great references on how to go about fleshing out my own characters.

Here is Lum's character sheet, as well as the expression part of Mendo's- his expressions are extra silly so I added them!

This art for the Highlight and Staff Interviews are super cute! Lum's outfit with the suspenders is adorable- and the fact Ataru's outfit is coordinated makes it all the more cute!

The visuals for the opening and endings are stunning- I have to sit and watch them each time, plus the music that accompanies it makes it even better! I need to go back and watch it frame by frame, its a masterpiece~ I can't get over the use of color in this series, it's amazing!!! Take a closer look at the visuals here, it's worth it!

You know what, watch the first Opening/Ending here

And the second Opening/Ending here

And check out the channel I got these from (UruYatsu Sensei), they've got full episodes of another series by the same creator, Maison Ikkoku, and a few Urusei Yatsura episodes as well. I appreciate them uploading these, because all the other ones were those interpolated 60 FPS nonsense (ugh).

That's all I got for this review, I hope you enjoyed reading/looking at all the art here, If you're an art book enjoyer like me, I recommend getting this book! And check out the series (OG and 2022 ver.) if you're interested!

Thanks for reading! (Back of book illustration below)

-Imp

[longeyelashedtragedy]

get to know me tag from @heffer-wen this is a good one!

tagging: @perfectpiety @echthr0s @colorsofmyseason @kvaradonaa @protect-daniel-james @thundercrack @arsenalgbt @steeple-sinderby-wanderers @lamperry4ever (this is all optional of course!!!)

1. Do you make your bed?

I only properly make my bed when I change my sheets, but I can't stand to have the bed looking janky when i come home, so I wrestle with my thicc blanket until it's decently even and neat on the bed, and if the pillows have gone wild I'll straighten them out a little. if any of my over 9000 stuffed animals are on the floor I'll pick them up of course.

2. Favourite number?

24! my birthday, and a nice solid good number, can fit lots of other numbers into it. 17 has been an Important number for my bff and me, and I have a religion based fondness for 18...but 24 it is.

3. What's your job?

my job is very cool and specific and I love it, but it's not one I would ever want to mix with my online persona for various reasons. in fact I've always worked in an "industry" that I think should never mix with my nsfw ways on here. always happy to talk about it in private!

4. If you could go back to school would you?

oh hale to the FUCK no. I hate school. I haven't liked school since I graduated high school. my brain can't be made to think like that and do so much work to other people's specifications--and then there's sitting in class and having to listen to other people talk, I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried! I'm a voracious self directed learner--I want to learn something new like, every second--but this doesn't translate well into a school setting.

unfortunately--a job I think would be really cool to have, I'd have to get a master's and certification, and while I think I'd be great at the job, I'd be right shit at the kind of work the degree requires you to do to pass. (I could easily do the job with good mentoring and maybe like...one course, but that's how so many things are.) Maybe if I marry rich I'd go back! Frank lampard step the fuck up!

5. Can you parallel park?

I could do it just to pass my driver's test and have done it like. twice since. I'm terrible 😭 I have visual-spatial-perceptual whatever deficits and just can't do it. I also have a spot missing from my peripheral vision on my left side so parking on that side is even more confusing. my sister however is great at those things and yet she also can barely parallel park, you should see the two of us try to do it together, it's a full on yakety sax comedy. the WORST is here in the city, people stop on the street and give you unsolicited advice while you park and this gives me so much anxiety that I can't even remember what to do.

6. Do you think aliens are real?

not really? I suppose there's sentient life somewhere but is it likely to be humanoid? I'm terrified of space (I'm one of those would rather go to the bottom of the ocean than outer space freaks) so I try not to think about it

7. Can you drive a manual car?

what to heck,,,,,,,,,,,,of course I can't 🇺🇸 shamed by having to pay more to rent an automatic when I've driven in Europe

8. Guilty pleasure?

disregarding my dietary restrictions? I also have the bad habit of reading what scents my hot favs wear and then buying cheap samples. today one arrived that I forgot I'd ordered so now my wrists smell like chanel allure. I'm indifferent? it smells like Ladies' Perfume

what else...idk, I'm not too guilty about my pleasures really

9. Tattoos?

none--I have a couple of ideas, but have never been tempted to actually do it?

10. Favourite colour?

black and pink!

11. Favourite type of music?

I like things that are loud and repetitive and insistent. sometimes screechy. I like listening to other languages. my favorite instrument is the bagpipes (how do I say that in a grammatically correct way ffs) if that helps! will always go for: good rap/hip hop, 80s thrash metal, eastern european/balkan folk music, techno (the darker and more berghainy the better), other weird electronica, the beatles, most things that came out of the 80s

12. Do you like puzzles?

the kind with pieces? those are fun, I just don't have any room to spread one out. other kinds, like logic and shit, absolutely not, my brain doesn't work like that at all

13. Any phobias?

insects, and the main one: food contamination, but not the kind you're thinking--I definitely am more anxious than the average person about the food I eat being contaminated, but what the phobia actually is is more like...places where food shouldn't be being contaminated by bits of food...It's very specific and I've always had it but it's getting worse as I get older. like, imagine if you go into a restaurant and there's a couple of crumbs on the chair, or like, a bit of dirt on the underside of the waiter's tray. you'll just brush them off, right? or like, just not care about the bottom of a tray? I feel sick to my stomach and my heart is racing a bit just imagining this. what a privilege!

I'm also fucking terrified of being alone in elevators, but I'm not sure if that counts as a phobia? (I'm afraid of getting stuck in one by myself--as long as there's another person in there I don't care lol)

14. Favourite childhood sport?

swimming was my only one--I begged for lessons, started young, and was pretty good, did a swim team and everything. otherwise I am horrible at sports--I can't run (never could), and have no hand-eye coordination (did some occupational therapy at age 18 but it was Too Late), and again, those visual perceptual spatial issues! I wasn't terrible at floor hockey and volleyball in gym class I guess. footy was my worst 😭 in 8 years of gym I scored one goal--an own goal

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Not really.

16. What movies do you adore?

hmmm...I am not a huge movies person, but here's a list:

mulholland drive

mary poppins

the producers (mostel/wilder, 1967)

willy wonka & the chocolate factory (gene wilder version ONLY)

little miss sunshine

moulin rouge

cabaret

my cousin vinny

run lola run

y tu mamá también

the sound of music

chicago

kill bill vol. 1

cidade de deus

diarios de motocicleta

buena vista social club (not without its problematic side, but the musicians/music is so joyous)

the wedding singer

anklaget/the accused (weird danish movie that I don't think anyone i know has heard of?)

le dîner de cons

kamchatka

imagine me and you

ghostbusters 2016 (i will DIE on this hill)

brokeback mountain

team america: world police

rear window

amadeus

the crow

the incredibles

spaceballs

a shot in the dark

airplane!

romeo + juliet

school of rock

american psycho

uncut gems

rebecca

dial m for murder

17. Tea or coffee?

coffee! please. tea makes me feel a bit sick

18. First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I wanted to be an opera singer and a "lady mover" (we moved twice in the span of like, 2 and a half years when I was little)

[plagueybirb]

Random headcanons! Because I have many thoughts and they take up too much brain, so might as well put them somewhere and it's a long one

Skeptic can read QR codes and bar codes. Like physically read them. No scanning necessary.

On that same note, he absolutely cannot read sheet music. It's completely incomprehensible to him

He's definitely hypermobile, and that comes with all the creaking joints, pain, and scary stupid flexibility. Absolutely used it to scare the shit out of people when he was younger. Think bending over backwards to do that freaky spider walk from (I think) The Exorcist

Doesn't mean shit about his balance though. Regularly walks into walls and door frames and is covered in bruises as a result. He definitely trips over his own feet, does that little stumble run thing, and proceeds to act like he almost didn't just lose a fight to gravity

Occasionally stands with his elbows bent and his hands just dangling. T-Rex arms basically. And by occasionally I mean literally whenever he's not holding something, actively doing something, or just has his hands in his pockets

I know this man just sits in the dark in his office. No reason for it, he just does

Owns exactly one dress. It's the Morticia Addams one. I will die on this hill

About his quirk. Using it too much in a short period of time (such as the Meta Liberation Army war arc when he went to fight Twice personally) results in his hands being really sore. He also gets bad headaches from it, and maybe a slight pain behind his eyes. He knows this very well, but chooses to do it anyway. His fear of failure is far greater than any concern over his own well being will ever be

He! Loves! Spiders! All spiders! Has several as pets, names all of them and treats them like his own children

Corporate Goth

Probably had Hawks merch. Dude's a bit of a fan, not that he would ever admit it

A Gorillaz fan as well. Named his tech company after one of their songs and everything

Was the most IPad kid to ever IPad. You could not separate his 3 year old self from his tablet unless you wanted to deal with the worlds worst temper tantrum. Would still probably freak out today if someone were to take his laptop from him.

Slept in a coffin shaped bed in his teen years because he thought it was cool

Dated maybe once in college? Was not all that interested and didn't date anyone again. He's just not interested. Never has been, and might not ever be. He's okay with that, happy even

HOWEVER. In the universe's where he is interested in dating, he's got standards and they are HIGH. Again, dated once maybe in college, was not much of a fan, and didn't date again until his 30s

Doesn't develop feelings or crushes easily, but he definitely falls HARD if it ever did happen. Not that anyone would know, he's both secretive and has the most convoluted flirting strategy on the planet

*sets pen down in a super particular way* "Ah, yes, this will definitely convey my feelings perfectly, I'm so good at this flirting thing"

"What the fuck do you mean I can't ask them out over email it's the most efficient way"

"Okayokayokay, they sat next to me in the meeting, good, time to make my next move" *completely ignores them for the entire meeting except to slide a piece of paper over with nothing but binary code written on it* "Okay, now to wait for their answer. All according to plan"

It's his phone number. In binary code. That he gave zero explanation on how to translate it. So the recipient is just stuck with a sheet of paper with 1s and 0s on it. In the worst handwriting imaginable

Might do more of these someday, this already feels long as it is

[copperbadge]

hey sam! i don't want to dump a research question on you, but just in case this is your remit - do you have any apps or browser extensions or similar for adhd and studying? i know about screen tinting and white noise, but if there's anything out there (paid or not) that you recommend, please wax lyrical! i'm collecting a doc of links for study tools beyond pomodoro style apps!

Man, screen tinting and white noise is already well out ahead of me, Anon :D I never did either of those while studying. I can't deal with screen tinting, but I did eventually start using ASMR videos as white noise when I was in my thirties, when I was working. Lo-fi beat music (often designated FOR studying on youtube!) often helps. Other than that I'm afraid I don't have any tools to link to -- no apps, no programs, no sites. I simply don't use any for learning/studying. I have a lot of tools but they're for managing personal life and very finely-tuned to me, so it's stuff like using google sheets to keep my calendar, and using Tasks to manage my chores. It's not to say you can't or shouldn't use apps and extensions, it's just not something that existed when I was in college and not something I make use of now.

My work, while very focus-intensive and intellectual, and involving synthesizing a lot of data, is also very temporary -- the data arrives in my brain, is put to use, and then goes immediately back out again. I've actually trained myself to have no long-term memory for some things, which is probably a bad thing, but every job I've had since 2008 has involved remembering very specific data for somewhere between five minutes (answering phones, remembering names) and two days (building a profile of a donor).

My study techniques when I was in school were less about environment and more about structure -- how I built my lecture notes and how I transferred them to a method for study.

In class, I found it helpful to take notes on blank paper, unlined, so that I could draw pictures and diagrams and structure my notes in a less linear fashion than lined paper would have encouraged. I should dig some out and take some photos sometime. So I had this artist's 8x11 pad of paper with diagrams and outlines and paragraphs all over the place. (I also tried graph paper but didn't like that, too much visual interference.)

I would start reviewing my notes for the eventual exam pretty soon after taking them -- about a month after any given lecture I'd go back to my notes and start review, which sounds a little insane, but was for me super helpful. I would get a deck of 3x5 cards and start moving what I thought were the vital points from those month-old notes over to the 3x5 cards. I didn't use them as flashcards (except for Latin class), I just put notes on various cards when they seemed to go together, and I'd carry the cards around with me and take them out and read them over. It made them very portable! And it meant that I could study in small chunks across a long stretch of time, which probably was very ADHD-compatible because it meant I saw everything a lot and it became "background noise" in the sense that I retained it.

I did kind of have the classic "gifted child" habit of not studying much because I rarely needed to, and for me that fortunately did carry over into college and grad school. With a few exceptions, I didn't have to study much for my exams, and the index cards covered what I needed. The struggle that I had was writing papers -- the classic ADHD "can't get started, hyperfocus once I do". I did eventually figure out the pattern, and so what I'd do was just block out the weekend before the paper was due (often I set the due dates ahead of the real ones in my calendar) and sit down and do the whole-ass paper across about 18 hours. If I knew the time was blocked out for it ahead of time, then that would propel me into actually getting started, and I'd bang the thing out.

So yeah, a lot of my study techniques for living with ADHD, not that I knew I was, came down to stretching studying way out over several weeks to months, and compressing paper-writing into weekends.

But also like...IDK man, cut yourself a lot of slack, I was studying and writing papers before smartphones existed, before my undergrad campus had wifi. If I wanted to check my email, because I didn't have a computer freshman year, I had to go to the computer lab across campus. It made research harder, of course, but it stripped me of a lot of opportunities to goof off. And because my brain was never trained to expect instant digital gratification, I never had the urge to put my notes down and check my smartphone.

So, maybe there's that, too -- if you find that while studying you get distracted a whole bunch, it may be useful to do some digital "hygiene" -- train yourself to go stretches without checking your phone or your browser, starting small and moving up to five, ten, fifteen, sixty minutes. I can't say that will help everyone or even be possible for everyone, but I think it's something to try.

Readers with ADHD (including self-diagnosis), feel free to chime in with the ADHD-centric study tools you use! I'd like to ask that neurotypical people not share their techniques here, only because people with ADHD tend to get a lot of well-meaning advice that is unfortunately not super applicable to the neurodiverse, which can be really frustrating and depressing. And remember to comment or reblog, as I don't repost asks sent in response to other asks. Thanks everyone!

[caninerants]

Honestly, Ive been meaning to write something about Helluva Boss for a while and uh. I'm in that Writing Mood. So here, have some quick rambles about my thought on HB and worldbuilding and stuff

They'll be under the cut just in case I write too much lol

The way HB fails [hard] with being what it wants to be

First things first: I am not a professional writer at all. I'm just some dog who can write for fun.

Ok. That's out of the way, cool!

So... Helluva Boss, amirite? I think the frustration a lot of detractors/critics have over it (and frankly, I'm amongst these) is how much *potential* it has. It exudes it, and like, if you read 5 different HB rewrites, they will all grab different stuff and run with it, because there's many, many things to tinker with that, in the hands of a well planning writer, could make the series just. Brilliant!

But, let's be real, the series doesn't do that. I'm not original in saying this but, from a plot perspective, HB sucks. It falls flatter than a metal sheet (is that a phrase?) And, hypocritically, it's obvious how Viv prides herself as writing it as revolutionary in ways that the story doesn't even (and forgive me for this) have the balls to be in.

It prides itself in having raw portrayals of queer folks, yet it only lets itself write the same overused "gay ppl + sex = funni" jokes over and over again, it goes and compares it's protagonist Blitz to Bojack Horseman, yet in Helluva Boss the plot bends itself backwards to lift any sort of responsibility that Blitz has for his actions (which is, y'know, NOT what BH does, at all), prides itself of being a female centered plot even though it's obvious how underdeveloped the female characters are compared to the male ones. I could go on and on.

And, in the most sincere, nice way I can conjure, this isn't just the creator being a hypocrite, this is straight-up a symptom of what I think dooms not only this series, but most of the works Vivziepop has done: The story of the thing doesn't know what the fuck it wants to be

Helluva boss is, at least in theory, supposed to be a dark comedy about demon hitmen. Simple concept, lots of stuff to tinker and play with! A lot of ways and directions to take it to, too. But then it tries to be a musical every few episodes. And then a family drama. Sometimes it's an episodic story and sometimes it tries very hard to fit into a season-long arc, depending on the mood. It gives characters some sort of growth just to take it away, and then give them another sort of growth. It defangs and villanizes it's antagonists in a way you just can't help but feel bad for them, because it takes away what made them interesting. The protagonists fuck up and the plot let's you know they fucked up, but then... The consequences of their actions never come!

Blitzo indirectly causes permanent scarring, disability , and trauma on his childhood friend and it causes such a rift that they don't talk in fifteen years, but it's fine! Look! Fizz forgives him in the span of a day after a little chat and now they're friends again :] don't think about it at all :] this is perfectly A-OK and totally not a way of making our poor little Blitzy a victim and Fizz the cunt for not forgiving him until now :]]]

Don't get me started on Barbiewire

Helluva Boss biggest sin is not it's lack of character growth, or it's dumb sex jokes (they ARE bad btw. I'm dying on that hill), or any of that sort. There's many good shows that can pull stuff like that and still be, y'know, good. Or at least mid. It's greatest mistake it's in the way that not only doesn't know what to do with itself, but also wants to do everything without understanding why and how to do it. To bite more that you can chew, if you know.

I have way too many thoughts and criticisms around this funky web series, and I'll probably do more rambles around this specific problem. But I think this is it for me and for now

[panzershrike-pretz]

HIIIIIII PRETZ! which of your ocs would fit "the tradition" by halsey? really interested to see who...

HEY BLUUUUUU, SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG- O had to get in the mood for new music and finally inspiration struck. SO

First of all, this somg is fucking amazing?? Why did I take so long to actually listen to it??

Anyway this turned out longe than i expected so to the depts of the "read more" it goes

Going off of voice alone, I could very well see this as a voice claim for Juni- but the song doesn't fit her. It actually made me think of Emma!

I'm still working on her sheet, but in short, before Emma ended up with her current family she did have some troubles in her past; with her biological family, former relationships and life in general.

"Oh, the loneliest girl in town is bought for pennies of prize

We dress her up in lovely gowns, she's easy on the eyes

Her soul is black and it's a fact that a sneer will eat you alive

And the buyer always brings her back because all she does is cry"

Right off the bat I knew this song would fit her. Emma was born to a wealthy family around the 1900's, all of which were magic - except for her, so she always felt that loneliness. She dressed up pretty, to be shown off by her dad, but at the end of the day she was very very miserable. She felt like the main attraction of a circus whenever her dad would show her off-

She grew out of it tho, and so did her powers as they developed! (By almost burning her half brother alive by accident but oh well. Sometimes tou gotta blow up un flames at the dinner table) and then she became more confident in herself and her ideals.

"So take what you want, take what you can

Take what you please, don't give a damn

Ask for forgiveness, never permission

Take what you want, take what you can

Take what you please, don't give a damn

It's in the blood and this is tradition"

^ the last line makes me think of her magical-pureblood lineage, and how she was seen as lesser because she didn't have powers for so long.

Ok, funny thing is. Emma was a thief for much of her life after she ran away from home (away from that family). She lived in the slums of France for a couple years as she took upon herself to try and get a chance to get away from Europe (her plans were to travel to Brazil, so she could study the magical plants found there; she was on her way to be a Magical-herbologist)

... But as First World War happened she saw herself having to deal with it and her plans were cut short. She decided to enlist as a nurse ans so she did, until she found herself falling head over heals for this stupid haunted soldier man who needs a name but i'm a lazy shit :> (and they were hunted down by the Creatures of Shadows until they were found and rescued by Miss Seagull but that's besides the point)

"You can take it back, it's good as gone

Well, flesh amnesiac, this is your song

And I hope what's left will last all summer long

And they said that boys were boys, but they were wrong"

From my interpretation of this bit, I can connect it with her brief (?) relationship with The Guy (nameless bitch), as in- she was so so in love and he. Fucked Off one day,,, left my baby there to feel sad and alone again (yeah she had the other peculiar children with her but It Wasn't The Same).

She was stuck there on a Time Loop for all of about 80(?) years. 80 years of everyday being the same summer day, unable to move on from her love until the loop colapsed and they were forced to flee- and her mind came crumbling down on her because while she was stuck, he mooved the fuck on and grew old and fucking died (this bit here was inspired by MPHFPC, so yeah,,,)

Anyway she's still a thief :3 but now she gets paid to do it :3

Here is my analysis of the song + character- i'd say it fits only past Emma, as she's now over it (fucking finally-), but its still Emma nonetheless

Here, have this doodle of Emma Crying Over A Man and Ottilie being so done

Ottilie the Olorotitan is the official psychologist. She can't take it anymore-

[cashthecomposer]

Want to support new, original musical theatre? Check out my Patreon!

I have written a musical about the summer that Mary Shelley composed Frankenstein. In 1816, Lord Byron and four of his fellows gathered at the Villa Diodati, to read and write ghost stories in what would become known as 'The Year Without a Summer'. In my musical, we see these stories, as well as the interconnected lives of Byron, Mary, and their three companions; Byron's personal physician John Polidori, who would create the modern vampire, Mary's fiance Percy Shelley, and Mary's sister and Byron's one time fling, Claire Clairmont.

A production of this show is in the works. At the same time, I'm working on research for my next show, which is still in its infancy. The full show, when it is fully produced, will be made available to the public in a variety of ways; I will have the show available to stream, tracks available to listen to, rights available for future productions, and sheet music available for individuals.

In the meantime, and beyond, a whole host of bonus material is available on my Patreon, only for my patrons! Namely:

Notes as I work on new shows, including the process of research, outlining, drafting, and editing.

Behind-the-scenes looks into the rehearsal and production process.

Songs that fell to the cutting room floor, demos of recordings before they're finalized, half finished soundbites that will otherwise never see the light of day, random unrelated songs, etc.

Old drafts of the book, lyrics, and music, along with explanations as to why things were changed.

Updates on the process of researching, writing, and producing musicals; a look into the world of theatre that's kept very private otherwise.

Advice from me to you as a music teacher, explaining some broad and some niche topics relating to the process of composition.

Other stuff I'm not thinking of because it's 3 AM!

If you just want to watch my show and hear my music, just be patient, and I'll be sure to post links to buy tickets to live shows, to see video performances, and to listen to tracks from the show. However, if you'd like to see the stuff that happens behind the curtain, and simultaneously support my efforts as I embark on these projects, consider subscribing to my Patreon- for less than the cost of a subway sandwich every month, you get all of the above and then some.

And I think it goes without saying that if you can't afford the cost to my Patreon but want to support my efforts in some way, please reblog this, so that maybe one of your followers can lend their support. <3

Cash

[rovimrtheduck]

Stuff I've heard at school: Part 16

P1: "As long as it doesn't bother the people with OCD then it's okay"

P2: "And who cares if your shirt comes undone"

My imaginary friend is Jeremy, what's yours? ADOLF HITLER!

P1: "Double it and give it to the next person"

P2: "Double your GAY and give it to the next person??"

P1: "Yeahhhh"

You're autistic AND gay! You're a nightmare to interior design!

I love Hozier! That funky little bog man has my soul in a chokehold

I fucking hate that felt-faced freak (about a French puppet pineapple)

My baseball playing dad snooped through my yarn

When two chairs love each other very much…

I don't wanna read French I have a headache. I don't wanna HEAR French, I have a HEADACHE!

*Teacher walks in wearing a Boston Bruins jersey, immediate sounds of booing*

P1: When I say skin color I mean my skin color (brown)

P2: can't really argue with that

P1: "I'm not going to give you the context, I'm only going to say one thing, FUCK women"

P2: "That's probably the right thing to say to the lesbian"

Ciel hasn't even entered the chat yet and we're using his name in vain

Pass the gauntlet or get cancer

Oh yeah, sorry I killed you, at least you're alive now

Yeah, you have to be a good classmate, and donate your liver

P1: "You should eat, oranges! Orange slices"

P2: "How is that going to help?"

P1: "The power of- the power of-"

P2: "The power of vitamins?"

P1: "The power of Asians"

First word, happening to be a bad one. Very first word of the day.

Bro got leukemia and dipped, like I never met him, my dad never met him

P1: "Give him a hot chocolate"

P2: "He'll die if he has a warm drink-"

P1: "Then give him cold chocolate??"

P2: "You mean chocolate milk?"

What is the up guys *arms crossed, peace signs*

P1, very aggressively: What does you law teacher tell you guys every day?!

P2: Have a good day, stay in school, don't do drugs

P1: And what did you do?

P1: I'm having a bad day, I've been skipping school, and I'm on drugs

P1: "hey white people"

looks of confusion at the one brown member

P2: I'm not white?

P1: Oh. well you're an honorary white. a half-white

P2: Half-white! I have partial rights now.

somebody in this hallway smells like tomato soup

give him a room temperature lemonade

nobody's gonna mug me for my glasses, they're from Walmart!

Art kid (derogatory)

If grandma is racist can grandma be racist on facebook

No it was music sent from GOD when I found the scorpion. It was telling me I was going to die

*Calmly listens to msub whimper audios in the middle of class, locked in on math sheets*

Singing Gaston in perfect key, loudly in the hallway

Maybe Saladfingers's autistic son

Hashtag free your mom

P1, a lot louder than he should have been: "The robot! saw the kid jacking off!"

P2, in a tired sort of quiet: "Yeah, that sounds about right"

P1: "My donuts dead"

P2: "What"

P1: "My milkshake is dead."

Donuts make me nut

If you do that one more time, I'm going to turn you into a pickle jar

Cross breeding turnips

P1: "I don't like how that's shaped. It's shaped a little too suggestivly"

P2: "It's a fucking radish"

Is vibrainium used to create vibrators? That's why it's called vibrainium

pp is irrelevant

I wanna eat your phone screen

I can change my gayness flavor

Dumbo, affectionately

P1: "What's up straights, gays and Asians

P2: That's crazy, what's up jew

You're out of your 'normal' pills (adhd meds)

*exasperated, after getting objected every other sentence during a mock trial * Can you just let me cook??