#or writing the girl out to avoid a toxic environment

[lilisouless]

Nora Sakavic is the most tumblr author and I mean this is in the worst way possible

[thesoftgirlguide]

A Guide to Building Confidence ˚˖𓍢🌷✧˚.🎀⋆

How to Feel More Self-Assured and Empowered

Confidence doesn’t always come naturally for a lot of people. It usually involves taking practical steps to boost your self-assurance and empower yourself. In this guide, we’ll go over some of them.

╰┈➤ Know Your Worth

Confidence begins with recognizing your own value. As a person, you bring a unique charm to the world. Recognize that you are valuable and deserving of love and respect. So, no matter what it is you do or where you are, your presence matters. Remind yourself daily of your worth and the impact you have on others. If you feel like you don’t impact anyone, assume you do. Your thoughts create your reality.

╰┈➤ Practice Self-Care

Self-care is essential for boosting confidence and soft girls thrive on self-care rituals. Create a routine that nourishes your mind, body, and soul. Consider the following rituals:

⤷ Bubble Baths: Fill your tub with warm water, add some rose-scented body wash, and unwind. Use this time to reflect and appreciate yourself.

⤷ Journaling: Write down your thoughts, dreams, and affirmations. Journaling helps you process emotions and track your progress.

⤷ Skincare: Pamper your skin with gentle cleansers, moisturizers, and face masks. Soft, glowing skin boosts confidence.

⤷ Positive Affirmations: Remind yourself of your worth by repeating affirmations like “I am worthy,” “I am beautiful,” and “I am enough” throughout the day.

╰┈➤ Dress for Confidence

Your quest for confidence extends to your wardrobe. Choose outfits that make you feel good and comfortable. Here are some tips:

⤷ Pastels: Embrace soft colors like lavender, mint green, and baby pink. To get started, check out my guide to pastel fashion staples.

⤷ Accessories: Layer delicate necklaces, wear oversized bows, and don cute hairpins. Accessories can enhance your confidence.

⤷ Textures: Opt for soft fabrics like velvet, lace, and silk. They feel luxurious against your skin.

╰┈➤ Practice Positive Body Language

Confidence is not just about appearance; it’s also about how you carry yourself. Pay attention to your body language.

⤷ Stand Tall: Imagine a string pulling you upward from the crown of your head. Stand tall with your shoulders back.

⤷ Eye Contact: Maintain eye contact during conversations. It shows you’re engaged and self-assured.

⤷ Smile: A genuine smile attracts people to you and this instantly boosts confidence.

╰┈➤ Celebrate Your Achievements

We girls often downplay our accomplishments. I used to do it too. Break that habit! Acknowledge your victories, no matter how small they are. Is there something you completed recently? Share it with me in the comments!

╰┈➤ Surround Yourself with Positivity

Choose friends and environments that uplift you. One of the reasons why I started this blog was to surround myself with positivity. Social media can be very toxic so I stay off it most of the time. Avoid negativity and toxic influences. Seek out soft-spoken, kind-hearted people.

╰┈➤ Embrace Vulnerability

Being soft doesn’t mean being weak. Vulnerability is a strength. Share your feelings, fears, and dreams with trusted friends. You’ll find that opening up leads to deeper connections and increased self-acceptance.

╰┈➤ Set Boundaries

Being kind-hearted doesn’t mean you have to say yes to everything. Establish healthy boundaries. Learn to say “no” when asked to do what you know you don’t want to do and politely decline requests that don’t align with your priorities. Also protect your energy by avoiding draining situations.

╰┈➤ Learn New Skills

Confidence grows when you challenge yourself and acquire new skills. Try out new things. There’s a huge sense of satisfaction and confidence that comes with learning and completing something you didn’t know before. Remember, all the things that are easy for you now were difficult when you first started so start something today.

╰┈➤ Practice Gratitude

Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what you already have. Get a journal. Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. It could be a sunny morning, a warm cup of tea, or a kind message from a friend. Gratitude also strengthens relationships so tell your loved ones how much you appreciate them.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ₊˚⊹

It’s normal strive for perfection, but what we call “imperfections” are often what make us human. Embrace being your. Confidence isn’t about being loud or aggressive—it’s about being authentically you.

[sehodreams]

She’s midas. Everything she touches, turns for the better. When she sees him smoking in the balcony, she saunters over, sliding the glass door to the cold night. Her hand works fast to snatch the thin cigarette out of his lips, but his hand is even faster retrieving the “stick of cancerous garbage” as she likes to call it.

“Put it out,” she demands, holding her hand out for him to comply with her wishes.

He places the practically new cigarette back between his lips, inhaling its smoke deeply and holding it like a warm blanket around his lungs. He makes quick work of dropping the cigarette and stomping out the orange embers.

She looks at him expectantly. Expecting a ‘thank you’ for saving him from the cruel grip of lung cancer.

He reaches a large hand under her chin, raising her gaze so that he can see the purity and innocence in her bright eyes.

She starts, “You’re wel-“

He leans down, capturing her lips in between his and exhaling the toxic smoke into her pretty lungs. 

He’s the kiss of death. Everything he touches, rots.

🌒 It's a riize corruption concept i had in mind. i dont have anywhere else to share this. you can react to it, remix it, make it your own, ignore it...

Girl this is amazing go and write a fanfic PLEASE.

I've been dying for a riize corruption concept, I know my designated boy for it is Seunghan but I have been thinking about Eunseok so much lately.

A girl that has always lived in an overprotective environment moves away for college and everything comes to her in a rush. She's trying to fit in with her classmates that all they talk about is boys and dates when she hasn't even had a proper conversation with a boy her age, going around lost and overwhelmed from all the new topics she knows nothing about.

To her luck her cute neighbor is taking a like in her because she's nice and sometimes gives him food when she cooks more than needed, so he decides to not taint her, but help her with little things. He knows she's still too pure to know about the real world and everything she's able to feel, so he goes slow and teaches her about how to order a decent coffee without stuttering and where to find good music and drinks (not allowing her to drink alone of course). He does his best to not taint her but with every little thing she discovers through him he wants to show her more and more, one day even offering to show her how a kiss is supposed to be, "do you really want to go to your first date without knowing how to kiss? What will you do if he asks you for one? Because he'll notice it, we all do".

And oh god, just this scene that you describe makes me think of the two of them having a late night conversation, but each of them in their own studio apartment. The building is one of those old ones with balconies practically glued together, ugly as hell but perfect for broke students trying to survive in the city. It's usual for him to go and smoke there, and she's reluctant to stay with him at first since her dad always told her to avoid it since it causes cancer, but then Eunseok teaches her that one taste won't kill anyone, making her get used to it, even asking him for a hit every now and then when she's stressed, or he directly passing her the smoke to make her shut up every time she's nervous and can't stop rambling about something that, just like he says to almost everything that makes her nervous, "it's not that deep".

[angel-fxced]

I should be resting but see the talk of our experiences on the dash in the rpc, I'm guessing this one in general. All I gotta say is I've been more traumatized both literally and jokingly with how so many do not know how to act their ages or just straight up going on witch hunts to relive their mean girl days or to simply act out the ones they didn't have, witness and be a victim of toxic clinginess (?) that almost left me hospitalized, watched people turn into them worse selves over the smallest little funny thoughts about a character disagreement and etc if you know then you know but otherwise?

The rpc taught me things I never knew because of my environment and things about my identity too that's apparently widely felt whil still exploring, found out about resources that I didn't know even existed, got to expand on my personal art and take the leap into attempting to sell it sometimes, I've made some really good friends along the way of writing that make me wanna get up even if not to just escape from the fuckery that's my life but because they make me happy.

It's kinda a double edged sword like, yeah totally been stabbed while trying to be nice but there's been some good that came out of it and life experiences that have been gained/learned to avoid in the future with even red signs to look out for, gained people that I'll beat others up for ( even if I'm silent most of the time I'm still ready to gut someone for you, I just suck at talking one on one dw ) it's a fucking disaster around these parts but thats okay.

[riosongco]

Thoughts Before Going Into Labor

My pregnancy journey is coming to an end and my emotions are overflowing. I am frankly overwhelmed as D-day is nearing. I am feeling everything all at once and I feel the need to get it off my chest because I need to be calm and relaxed once the day comes.

9 months of carrying a child in your womb isn't a joke and while a lot of mothers just want it to end, I am not sure if I am on the same boat. I'm just not ready!

I don't know what scares me most — the pain of childbirth, the cost of raising a child in this economy, or the fact that the time has finally come...I am now responsible for another human being for the rest of my life. (P.S. I have obviously thought and considered all those things when I found out I was pregnant but nothing really prepares you for when the time comes!)

As an only child, I was naturally selfish. I only cared about myself. I never had to think about or take care of anyone else and when you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, you question what family really means and then a mix of doubts, fears, hopes, and longing fill your mind. On the bright side, it makes you aware of what to avoid, what to be, and what you want for your chosen family, should you wish to start one.

I never really dreamed of becoming a mother but I do know I wanted a family eventually and I promised myself that when the time comes, I'll be the parent I never had.

I guess that's where all the pressure roots from.

Will I be a good mother? Am I actually cut out to be one? Will our daughter be proud to have me in her life? Will I be able to give her the life she truly deserves?

I've never been this hard on myself — overthinking each night, already thinking a million steps ahead, waking up in the middle of my sleep cycle, writing every thought that goes in my head at 5 in the morning, and constantly crying, praying, and wishing for everything to fall into place.

Sometimes I question if I ever made the right decision, to bring our innocent child into this fucked up world. Yes, I hear you. I chose to have a child but I'm allowed to feel scared because I know how cruel the world can be and I don't want her to grow up in a toxic environment.

I know I could only do so much as a mother and it's extremely impossible to live a life without obstacles but I just want to protect our little girl from every heartbreak this world has to offer, the way I wished to be protected.

At this point, I am just scared and anxious for what's to come and well, also exhausted of staying strong.

It's a hard pill to swallow but each day just reminds me that most of the time, all we really have is ourselves. The people who are supposed to be there for us turn out to be such disappointments.

However, I remain grateful for everyone who showed up and helped me along the way. I must have done something right in this lifetime to find family among friends and colleagues.

To old friends I've reconnected with and to new ones I've gained along the way, thank you for sharing this journey with me and for checking in on me. I am truly thankful for all the love and support you have shown. Those kept me going.

The uncertainty is killing me inside. I hate that I don't have all the answers I want and need at this time. I don't know how things are gonna be moving forward. I know I won't be a perfect mom but as long as our child is proud to call me her mom and not wish me death then I'm all good.

Here's to a new chapter. To new beginnings, to life, and to love! x

[overandunderthehill]

A Digital Recluse's Calling

A project pitched by our group “Spice Girls” for our final requirement in our CAMPUBL class involves the exploration of stories that featured three Generation Z “digital recluses”. A digital recluse refers to social media hermits or people who avoid sharing and participating on social media trends. Compared to other people from their generations, these three are considered people who are “out of the norm” since in this era, having a digital presence is what connects people with each other the most.

Audrey’s interviewee is Andrew Cole, a student at the University of Toronto who will be taking up neurobiology. In summary, Andrew explained to her that social media really hurt his self-esteem during COVID-19. He saw many of his friends going out and doing stuff while he was stuck at home, it was just very mentally draining.

We also interviewed one of our classmates, Christian D. Chua. He is a quiet and introverted guy who always kept to himself during class times. He would come early to class or meetings and also be the first one to leave. This made us curious about him so we decided to search him up on various social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. However, we could only find him on Facebook but even his profile did not feature any pictures of him except for a drawing. We were skeptical to add him on Facebook at first because we thought it was a fake account. Christian clarified that it’s his real account to keep in touch with family and school. Due to his given reasons, we decided to interview and write one of the feature stories about him for the project.

Davey felt affectionate towards the topic as he is somewhat of a social media recluse, so getting to interview one of his old friends and find out the reason why his friend didn’t want to use social media in the first place was refreshing for him. Davey’s interviewee, Aedryn Campos summarized his reasons on why he avoids social media. Essentially, it is due to the toxic environment and the “cancel culture” that made him turn away from it.

So far, as of writing this brief report, the feature stories have been achieved. With the three individuals interviewed having a somewhat the same lifestyle but different reasons as to why they avoid active involvement on the internet. It gave the target audiences various reasons why someone from Generation Z could be a recluse online despite our reputation being the ones that are digitally inclined.

Of course, there were obstacles in making the project come true such as the time for us to make the written content as well as the website. Our group also faced obstacles in finding a way to set up an “engagement counter” that would record our metrics for success. In the end, we got to find solutions for these. However, the biggest concern that we failed to address in time would be our project’s social media presence. The group decided to share the website link through our personal profiles on social media instead of making social media profiles for the project. This is due to the lack of time on the developing part. Although, in the end, we were able to reach our minimum target of 200 website engagements.

This was a huge learning experience for our group and it also made us realize that publishing isn’t really that easy, as opposed to our experience in posting on social media. Professional publishing takes a lot of time and effort to do compared to social media publishing. Through this project, I realized that publishing factual information is important and the need to go through a rigorous yet fair process is needed. Just like what journalists have been doing for centuries, publishing is a social responsibility that Communication Arts students like us need to make aware of. Social media is just a medium but the obligation to deliver interesting yet relevant information rests on our shoulders.

[wahlpaper]

Girls Like Girls Review

Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko

CW: Loss of a Parent, Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking and Drug Use, Dangerous Driving, Near Death Experience, Breaking and Entering, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Controlling Parent, Domestic Abuse, Toxic Friendships, Fade-To-Black Sexual Activity, Vomit, Child Abandonment, Swearing, Grief, Violence, Injury, Bullying, Mentioned Abortion, Gaslighting, Classism, Sexism, Accidental Outing

3.5/5

I grew up watching Hayley Kiyoko on Disney Channel and have been following her music career for quite a while. When she announced that she was writing a book, I knew I had to read it, no matter what. For those who use YouTube more than me, you may have realized that this book is based on the music video for the song of the same name. I didn't realize this until listening to the acknowledgments at the end of the book. Based on my experience, I recommend reading the book before watching the music video, assuming you haven't seen it yet. The story ventured outside of my comfort zone, but kept reeling me back in. I honestly didn't know if I liked the book until the very end, but I had refused to DNF a Kiyoko book. 

After her mom dies by suicide, Coley moves to a small town in Oregon. It's the summer before her senior year of high school and she's now stuck living with the father that skipped out on raising her. He's a man she doesn't know or trust. While out biking to avoid being home, she nearly gets run over by a group of popular kids. They likely wouldn't have taken her under their wing if it weren't for their ring leader, Sonya, being intrigued by Coley. As the summer goes on, the two girls become inseparable. Will they unravel their feelings for each other or will their family lives and social circles drag them down?

It's important to note that Girls Like Girls is set in 2006. Kiyoko was 15 that year and therefore able to pull from her own memories of how teenagers lived in 2006. There's AIM, LiveJournal, tattoo chokers, no smartphones, and different slang. There are also a lot of references to the popular music of that time. I recommend looking up the songs you're unfamiliar with for the full experience. Of course, the mindset towards human rights was also of the time. Many characters, Coley and Sonya included, could have benefited from therapy, but that wasn't as openly talked about 17 years ago. Homophobia was also more publicly accepted at the time. These issues haven't gone away, but it's nice to see that things have improved. 

Speaking of queer content, Girls Like Girls is a story about two very different teen girls realizing they are attracted to their own gender. It becomes clearer throughout the story, that despite Sonya coming from a well-off family, Coley is in a much safer environment to come out as gay. Sonya has a controlling mother and a few openly homophobic friends. Coley finds several other queer people in her community and a number of allies. I am relieved that we got a little bit of Sonya's POV, because the relationship between Coley and her would read as irredeemably toxic otherwise. I am also relieved that the book takes the time to address the toxicity that's there. If you're patient, the book will address everything you're wondering about.

I experienced Girls Like Girls as an audiobook. It was mostly read by Kiyoko doing Coley's POV. I enjoy her voice and love when an author reads their own book. She was joined by one of my favorite audiobook narrators, Natalie Naudus, for Sonya's LiveJournal posts and emails. There are a few other voices throughout for small parts. While I enjoyed the ensemble cast of voices, I disliked the music and ambient sounds that were mixed in. If it had been consistent throughout the whole book, I would have liked it. Instead, the additional sounds would appear out of nowhere and temporarily take me out of the story. Please keep that in mind if you're trying to decide between print and audio. 

Kiyoko's writing style will appeal to fans of Sarah Dessen, especially those looking for queer content. It's a summer romance, for one. It handles dark topics well without being the kind of book to make the audience cry. It's a small town setting with a new girl trying to become a part of a group of friends who have known each other for years. It's not usually my type of genre, which is why I potentially would've DNF'd it had a different author written it. There were scenes that made me uncomfortable, but I was often reeled back in by the action. I don't regret sticking it out to the end. I enjoy the way the story resolves. Of course, you'll have to read it yourself if you want to know the ending. 

If you're interested in a small-town YA romance with queer content and dark topics, Hayley Kiyoko's Girls Like Girls is the book for you. Should you pick it up and stick it out, you'll be rewarded with a music video summary of the book. Give it a chance, it's the kind of book you'll remember!

[hadeschan]

item # K21B55

RARE Pra Somdej Kanan, Nua Nga Gae, Lang Jaan, Luang Phor Guay, Wat Khositaram. A small carved ivory Buddha amulet with hand engraving Khmer Cabalistic Writing “i-ti” in the back by Luang Phor Guay himself. Made by Luang Phor Guay of Wat Khositaram (Wat Ban Khae or Wat Luang Phor Guay), Chai Nat Province in BE 2521 (CE 1978) for people who tumboon (making donations at Wat Khositaram).

……………………………………………….

BEST FOR: The tusk of elephant or ivory is believed to be imbued with great spiritual power and serve as a bridge between the sacred and the profane worlds. It is this conception of elephants and their tusks as symbols of both rain/fertility, royal authority, safety, protection, wealth and prosperity. This amulet has a tendency to draw positive energy. It brings longevity with abundance of good health, wealth, and prosperity. It helps you achieve your goal and fulfillment in your work and career, avoid misfortune, and improve your luck, power, and prestige. Mahasanay (Magic Charm) it helps turn you to prince charming in the eyes of girls, Metta Maha Niyom (it helps make people love you, and be nice to you), Wealth & Prosperity, Maha Laap (it brings lucky wealth). It warns danger coming ahead, Kaa Kaai Dee (it helps tempt your customers to buy whatever you are selling and it helps attract new customers and then keep them coming back. Klawklad Plodpai (it helps push you away from all danger), Kongkraphan (it makes you invulnerable to all weapon attack), and Maha-ut (it stops gun from shooting at you).  And Ponggan Poot-pee pee-saat Kunsai Mondam (it helps ward off evil spirit, demon, bad ghost, bad omen, bad spell, curse and black magic). And this amulet helps protect you from manipulators, backstabbers, and toxic people.

……………………………………………….

The elephant ivory or tusk

Thais believe that ivory is a “Khong Ton Sit” which means the natural object that has super natural power in it. The ivory or the elephant tusks evolved from teeth, giving the species an evolutionary advantage. They serve a variety of purposes: digging, lifting objects, gathering food, stripping bark from trees to eat, and defense. The tusks also protect the trunk—another valuable tool for drinking, breathing, and eating, among other uses.

The tusk of elephant is thus believed to be imbued with great spiritual power and serve as a bridge between the sacred and the profane worlds. It is this conception of elephants and their tusks as symbols of both rain/fertility, royal authority, safety, protection, wealth and prosperity.

……………………………………………….

Pra Somdej Kanan or Pra Somdej Pim Kanan or Pra Kanan

Pra Somdej Pim Kanan or Pim Kanan or Pra Kanan refers to a small amulet made to mark after the completion of pumping out 100 or 1000 big amulets. Pra Kanan that was made after 100 big amulets is called Pra Kanan Roi, and the one that made after 1000 is called Pra Kanan Phan. The traditional way to count the quantity of the production of each Batch of the amulets is to count the number of Pra Kanan amulets that were made.

……………………………………………….

The I-ti Cabalistic writing

The I-ti Cabalistic writing is an initial of Itipi so bhagavā Chanting (Khata)

The Khata Itipi so bhagavā helps develop concentration of mind in the person doing the recitation and establishes confidence in the supreme qualities of Lord Buddha as they recollect them during the recitation.

With the mind established in concentration, the disciple then experiences mental &

physical refreshment, experiences joy and singleness of pre-occupation of mind.

These engenders an aura of peace and calmness in him and he is then able to spread positive energy to the people and environment around him.

The power of Khata Itipi so bhagavā

Brings success in life and in career, victory over all enemies, safety, abundance and prosperity

……………………………………………….

“ขอศิษย์ทั้งหลายอย่าอดอย่าอยากอย่ายากอย่าจนอย่าต่ำกว่าคนอย่าจนกว่าเขา”

“All of my Looksit (disciples / followers /adherents/ worshippers / devotees) will be away from destitution, failure, hardship & difficulty in living, poverty, inferiority, and deterioration in quality of life.”

……………………………………………….

Luang Phor Guay was highly respected by Luang Phor Pare of Wat Pikulthong, Singburi Province. Many Batches of Luang Phor Pare’s amulets were blessed by Luang Phor Guay first, Luang Phor Pare would bring them to Luang Phor Guay and ask Luang Phor Guay to bless them for him before the Grand Blessing Ceremonies…

……………………………………………….

*All of the amulet made by Luang Phor Guay, the last mantra that Luang Phor Guay blessed on amulets was “The Khata Sà-tón Klap (The Bouncing Back Mantra)”. The force of the bad intentions / activities / behaviors from your enemies hitting you, the Khata Sà-tón Klap puts an equal force back onto them, meaning those bad intentions / activities / behaviors bounce back up to your enemies.

……………………………………………….

LUANG PHOR GUAY

Luang Phor Guay was an abbot of Wat Kositaram (Wat Ban Khae), Chainat Province living between (BE 2448 to BE 2522)

Luang Phor Guay was a disciple of many Legendary Guru Monks, for instance;

- The Holy Luang Phu Tao of Wat Kaang Kaao, a senior brotherhood of Luang Phu Suk of Wat Pak Klong Makham-tao

- The Holy Luang Phu Sri of Wat Pra Prang

- The Holy Luang Phor Derm of Wat Nong Pho

The supernatural power of Luang Phor Guay experienced by his Looksit (disciples / followers /adherents/ worshippers / devotees)

1)An ability to know the future.

2)An ability to shoot clay ball bullets from a sling bow with cursive path (line of fire) to any targets Luang Phor Guay wanted, no matter how far they were.

3)An ability to make a ring to be put on anybody’s fingers no matter where they were by blowing rings from Luang Phor Guay’s palms.

4)Photo shootings without Luang Phor Guay’s permission, those photos would be blurry or camera malfunctions.

5)An ability to make people who just visited Luang Phor Guay not to recognize Luang Phor Guay after leaving Luang Phor Guay.

6)An ability to stop gun from firing at him or anyone

7)An ability to make gun malfunction by squeezing out a piece of cloth in his hands.

8)An ability to make ants to return to their nest hole.

9)An ability to bless chicken food, and made chickens eat it if the chickens or the chicken eggs were stolen, and later eaten by the thieves, the thieves would got Dermatophytosis or Ringworm on their skins.

10)An ability to use a rock tying up with a robe, and beat up his looksit, and looksit felt no pain.

11)An ability to stop the gun from firing by saying “the gun jammed”.

12)An ability to treat people with headache by pinching their own thumbs.

13)An ability to heal people with broken bones.

14)An ability to replace the pain during child labor from wives to their husbands.

15)An ability to turn a man to both a crocodile, and then a tiger or vice versa.

16)An ability to turn midrib of a banana leaf to a green snake, and a loincloth belt to a cobra.

17)An ability to turn leaves of Maerua siamensis (Kurz) Pax tree to wasps.

18)An ability to turn a joss stick wrapped with red paper to a Siamese fighting fish.

19)An ability to hold burning charcoal in his hands

20)An ability to pick anything that his hand could hold from anyplace, no matter how far they were.

21) Luang Phor Guay’s message to his looksit would come true.

22)An ability to make his amulets floating in the water or flying in the air.

23)An ability to command wasps to sting any people he wanted. And command turtles to search for anybody he wanted.

24)An ability to toss his amulets into the air, and those amulets were flying to people whom he wanted to give amulets to, no matter where they lived.

25)An ability to know if his Looksit were assaulted or in danger, no matter where they were at.

……………………………………………….

THE AMULETS OF LUANG PHOR GUAY

Luang Phor Guay made and blessed all of his amulets by himself. Mon Pra Gaan, the Lord Kala in Sanskrit, the Pra Gaan Mantra, the one who is beyond time (death) and universe and all life within, and the god of death. Those who have good intentions of using Luang Phor Guay’s amulets would be blessed, those who are not will be doomed. And all amulets made by Luang Phor Guay, at the final of blessing ritual, Luang Phor Guay would end with Khata Sa-ton-klap. Such Khata has a power that helps protect amulet wears from manipulators, backstabbers, and toxic people. Not only protection from those kind of people, but also people who are thinking a “bad” thought about the amulet wearers will also be doomed.

REMARK: According to Looksit (disciples / followers / adherents / worshippers / devotees) of Luang Phor Guay, Luang Phor Guay made amulets every day to release his mind power (Grasin Fire) that generated heat in his body, and Luang Phor Guay NEVER made amulets for sale. Luang Phor Guay just gave amulets to anybody he wanted.

THE BLESSING PROCESS OF AMULETS OF LUANG PHOR GUAY

Luang Phor Guay blessed his amulets at the 7 times of the day firstly in the early morning, in the late morning, in the afternoon, in the late afternoon, in the evening, in the late evening, and at midnight. These 7 times of blessing was said to be the blessing process of Black Magic, and to prolong/extent the lives of people who wear his amulets in case that people’s lifespan on earth are shorten by their bad karma. And only best guru monks or Best white robe masters could perform such rituals. Luang Phor Guay would pick the day on auspicious constellations (Rerk Mongkon), master of devil constellations (Rerk Boon Phraya Maan), and criminal constellations (Jora Rerk). Luang Phor Guay said that the Rerk Boon Phraya Maan, and Jora Rerk are constellations that help criminals, and evil people to successfully commit their crimes, and amulets of Luang Phor Guay would perform miracles to persuade those bad people to believe in good and bad karma, then they will return to support Buddhism, and finally, they will be decent citizens.

……………………………………………….

*The FIRST Award Winner, the category of General Buddha Amulet of the 21st Buddha Amulet Competition, BE 2565 (CE 2023) at Pantip Plaza Department Store, Bangkapi, Bangkok on AUG 7, 2023.

……………………………………………….

DIMENSION: 2.20 cm high / 1.50 cm wide / 0.50 cm thick

……………………………………………….

item # K21B55

Price: price upon request, pls PM and/or email us hadesamulet@protonmail.com

100% GENUINE WITH 365 DAYS FULL REFUND WARRANTY

Item location: Hong Kong, SAR

Ships to: Worldwide

Delivery: Estimated 7 days handling time after receipt of cleared payment. Please allow additional time if international delivery is subject to customs processing.

Shipping: FREE Thailandpost International registered mail. International items may be subject to customs processing and additional charges.

Payments: PayPal / Western Union / MoneyGram /maybank2u.com / DBS iBanking / Wechat Pay / Alipay / INSTAREM / PromptPay International / Remitly

*************************************************

[asparklerwhowrites]

Writing Indian characters, from an Indian person

India is a huge country! while most characters in mainstream media are from the 'big cities' i.e Mumbai, Delhi, Hyderabad, etc, there are many, many more places and areas to look at! since India is such a vast country, there is incredible diversity. 19,500 languages and dialects are present, with people of different skin, eye, and hair colors and types! there are, of course, a lot of inherent prejudices present, which I'll address a little later.

#1. Know their roots

There is no 'one' Indian experience. People from different places celebrate different festivals, worship different gods, and speak different languages!

A checklist of things you should know about your Indian character's background, in essence:

Which state and city/town/village are they from?

How many and which languages do they speak, and with what frequency? (Mostly, people can speak at least two languages!)

Are they religious? (more on religion later)

What are some of their favourite memories/moments linked to their culture? (festivals, family gatherings, etc)

#2. Naming your character

Some common names for boys: Aarav, Advik, Shlok, Farhan, Ritvik, Aarush, Krish, Ojas, Zain.

Some common names for girls: Arushi, Ishita, Trisha, Rhea, Riya, Zoya, Vedika, Khushi, Charvi.

Common last names: Shah, Singh, Agarwal, Banerjee, Dala, Bhat, Joshi, Iyer, Jain, Dhawan, Dixit.

Be careful while picking a last name: last names are very much indicators of the ethnicity/community you're from! most older folks can guess the ethnicity of people just by their last name - it's pretty cool.

Naming systems usually follow the name-surname format, and children usually take the last name of their father - but I believe some regions have a bit of a different system, so look that up!

#3. Stereotypes to avoid

This goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Being 'Indian' shouldn't be your character's entire personality. Give them traits, feelings, and a purpose other than being a token diverse character. Some stereotypes that are really a no-no when it comes to Indian characters:

Making them good at math and academics in general (my Cs in math beg to differ that all Indians are good at math. often, the reason Indians are stereotyped to be so smart stems from an incredibly toxic and harmful environment at home which forces children to get good grades. unless you've experienced that, its not your story to write)

Making your Indian character 'hate' being Indian (not everyone?? hates their culture?? like there are many, MANY faults with India as a country, and it's important to recognize and take action against that - which often makes us iffy about how we feel about our country, it's genuinely not your place to write about that UNLESS you are Indian. don't bring in 'hatred' of a place you've never visited, and don't know much about.)

Make them scaredy-cats, 'cowards', who are good at nothing but being the 'brain' (I will literally behead you if you do this/lh)

#4. Why India shouldn't be portrayed as 'perfect' either

It's likely that most of you won't be going in SO deep with your Indian character, but India isn't the perfect 'uNiTy iN diVerSitY' as it's depicted in media. There are incredible tensions between religions (especially Hindus and Muslims), and even remnants of the 'untouchable' way of thinking remain between castes. There's a lot of violence against women, and misogyny is definitely something Indians are not foreign to. People with paler skin are considered to be 'better' than those with darker skin (in the older generations especially)

#5. Some common customs

Removing your shoes before entering the house, since your house is considered to be 'godly' and shoes shouldn't be brought inside

Eating dal (lentils), chawal (rice), sabji (a mixture of vegetables/meat that's cooked in different ways) roti (Indian flatbread) is considered to be a full, well-balanced meal and at least aspects of it are eaten for lunch and dinner (if not all four elements)

The suffixes -bhai (for men) and -ben (for women) are added to first names and are commonly used by adults to refer to someone of importance or who they hold to esteem.

However, 'bhai' (which literally means 'brother) is often used as slang when referring to friends or family. Other slang includes 'arrey' which is used to show irritation or 'yaar' which has the same context.

It's custom to call adults who you refer to in a friendly way 'aunty' or 'uncle', like the parents of your friends.

Talking back to your elders is forbidden, especially your grandparents who you have to refer to with utmost respect.

#6. Religions

India is a very religiously diverse country. The most common religion is Hinduism, then Islam, Christianity, Sikhism, and Buddhism. All religions have their own complexities, and since I'm a Hindu, I can tell you a little bit about that!

It's common to have a mandir which is a small altar dedicated to the deities your family worships. (Fun fact - they're usually placed in the East direction because that's where the sun rises)

Most kids can say a few shloks by-heart, which are a few lines of prayer! (lmao I've forgotten most but I used to be able to rattle off at least ten when I was younger)

Most people know at least the general plot of the Ramayan and Mahabharat - two famous epic stories. (I'm not sure if they're inherently 'Hindu' or not)

Many people wear necklaces with a small pendant of the deity they worship!

Common Hindu deities: Saraswati, Ganesha, Shiva, Krishna, Vishnu.

It's important to note that religious violence is a thing. Muslims especially, are oppressed and discriminated against. It's a very, very complex issue, and one that's been going on for thousands of years.

#7. Myth & Facts

India is a very poor country

Yep! Lakhs of people live in villages with no electricity, clean water, or amenities nearby. There's no point sugar-coating it. There are HUGE gaps between the poor and the rich (have you heard of Ambani and Adani :D) and while our millionaires rejoice in their thirty-story mansions, people die of famine, disease, and hunger every day. I am personally lucky enough to be EXTREMELY privileged and attend an international school and live in one of the most developed cities. Most people aren't as lucky as me, and it's a really true, horrifying reality.

Everyone in India is vegetarian

No lmao - while many people ARE, there's a greater and equal amount of non-vegetarian people.

We burn our dead in parking lots

This circulated back when the second wave was going on in India, and the media blew it out of proportion. First of all, what the actual f!ck. Cremation is a Hindu ritual, and by saying that aLL Indians burn their dead you are erasing the other religions here. Secondly, cremation is a sacred ritual only attended by close family of the deceased member. It does not happed in PARKING LOTS. It's a time of grief and loss, not a way to humiliate a religion for the way they treat their dead.

Drop any other questions about India in the comments/DM me!

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

im sorry if this is hard to answer but i was anorexic for nearly four years before... idk my life got good enough that i decided recovery was worth it. im in a really good place right now.

im a trans guy with unsupportive parents tho, and they decided to send me to an all girls private catholic school next year. i know a trans guy who goes there and he relapsed this year and its so toxic there thar he had to transfer out.

i know i cant handle this place, nor can i change my parents mind, so how do i minimize the damage next year? how do i get through this alive? what can i do to stay as healthy as possible while in relapse? i need to prepare to be as healthy as i can. and pls none of the bullshit like ’talk to a friend’ or ’just eat’ it. it does not help.

thanks so much, you dont have to reply if you dont want to, im just so fucking scared because i have 4 more months of being recovered at best and i dont want to go back.

Oh man. That is a really tough situation you're in. I'm so sorry to hear that your parents don't want to put you in a supportive environment.

Is there anything you can control about the situation? For example, does the school offer uniform pants? I know a lot of religious schools have traditionally only offered skirts for AFAB students, but a lot of them have been shifting to offering pants as a part of the uniform. Do you have any flexibility with shoe choice and hairstyle? You could also opt to size up with your shirt choice and to pair it with sports bras, which tend to minimize breast size if that is a dysphoria trigger for you. I know that consistent binding is not safe, but if you can get a proper binder, perhaps you can wear it safely during school hours to feel a little more in-control in that environment. Idk if it'd be worth it to risk punishment by cutting your own hair or adopting a gender-neutral nickname, but perhaps you could give yourself a pixie cut that looks neutral and feels less traditionally "girly" if you haven't already.

If you can't get the control of your outfit that you need, perhaps I could help find recommendations of social media accounts of men, both cis and trans, who wear skirts and/or do things that aren't traditionally "masculine." Just to help you keep affirming to yourself that clothes don't necessarily make a man a man, and if a man wears a skirt then it's a man's skirt. Consuming this content might help you feel less alone this school year.

This friend might be able to be a resource to you by warning you about what was hardest to handle about this school environment/what you can avoid vs. what you can seek out. If they have a theater department and you're allowed extracurriculars, I'd suggest you join that for the camaraderie. In my experience, a lot of closeted queer kids group together in theater.

I wasn't trans, but I was a neurodivergent kid who didn't quite "fit in" and I can say that I often took my lunch to the school library rather than trying to find cafeteria seating with people I didn't know well. You might find comfort in books like I did, or spend time writing for yourself. (You might want to destroy some of your writings as I did in order to avoid the repercussions of snooping parents, but even the act can be so, so therapeutic and self-affirming.) Outside of school, if you can manage to peruse/buy queer books and sneak them into school, you might have some good solidarity reads to get you through that environment. You could even just memorize your most affirming quotes and write them/draw art/print out pics of fave trans icons and decorate the insides of your binders and notebooks with them. Just find what affirms you and do it as much as you possibly can.

I think that finding trans-affirming activity you can do, even under the radar, will be key in maintaining both your mental health and your bodily self-esteem. That's one of the reasons I recommended taking your lunch to the library or to find another space that feels safe. It might be easier to eat, and to perform the mental self-care necessary for semi-healthy eating patterns, if you are in a safe space, even if that safe space has to be self-created. You could try internally repeating the following affirmations at school, especially before and during eating:

"The clothes I am wearing are a man's clothes, because I am a man and I'm wearing them."

"Toxic peoples' perception of me does not determine who I am. I know who I am and I know my worth."

"I will not be here forever. There have been so many queer icons who've been where I am and blossomed after. There is life after high school."

"It's not right that this time has been taken from me, but there will be better times in the future and I deserve them."

"Feeling bad doesn't mean I don't deserve to eat. Actualizing my negative body feelings will only make them worse. I deserve to feel good in my body."

"I can invest in my future. I will invest in my future."

This may be the subject of another post, but what is your relationship to religion? You may be just needing to get out entirely, which is valid, but you should also know that there are queer-affirming pastors and churches out there. If you are stuck in an environment where prayer and religious study is enforced and required, I might be able to recommend some sources that could give you covertly affirming prayers to focus on during that time. However, if you just need out of religion entirely, which some religion-traumatized people do, the above affirmations are religion-neutral and you could try to focus on those during prayer times.

It may feel affirming to focus on your future, OP. One of these days you will be out of school and will have control over yourself and financial freedom too. It might be worth looking into starting points in your area. Investing in your future may help you feel like there is something to keep fighting for, and like investing in your wellness has worth. It is self-affirming to invest in your future because you are sending the message to yourself that you are worthy of having a good future and that you are strong enough to fight for it.

Please feel free to follow up and be in touch for more support. I care about your well-being and I'm sure there are others out there who've been through things like this and can offer support. And while I'm not trans myself, I have other followers who are, and to other followers - I would love to get your input on things that can help this guy! Perhaps you can just be in touch with him and offer companionship and solidarity.

[extorchic]

TOP 5 SK8 Episodes

So I got tagged by @akira-cr to make this list, it took some time but I think I've sorted out my mind, thank you for considering me 😊. Now here comes the list, sorry if it's supposd to be objective, but I'm gonna let my heart out over here (It's gonna be a long post and I'm not gonna cut it ):

NUMBER 5 - Episode 6 - Steamy Mystery Skating?! (A.K.A. The beach episode 🏊‍♂️)

Well this is supposed to be "breather" episode, and it's basically the one that sold the series to me. I like how fun and chill this episode is, although it does (further) foreshadow Reki's insecurity issues. The music is of course SUBLIME! "Seize the Moment" is probably my favorite insert song of all time! (it's been present in Reki's beefs as well, but here it really reflects the fun nature of his character and the show overall). And of coruse, FANSERVICE, not so much in how the boys were in swimsuits (though I gotta admit Reki does look good in them), but on the RENGA interactions!

That hug gave me life! How Langa was worried 24/7 about Reki being injured, at the end when they skated together to escape from the Bantu! I gotta admit that I have some mixed feelings about the implications of Reki being attracted to the faceless girl (I mean, Bi rep is very important too), but I guess my shipping side was just as jelaous as Langa was supposed to be (according to the fans LOL).

NUMBER 4 - Episode 11 - King vs. Nobody (A.K.A. Reki rising! ✨🌺🌞⚙️)

Reki is, without a doubt, my favorite character. He doesn't need to win, he doesn't need to be super flashy while skating, he just needs to be himself. He's been through a lot, many people (including me) have felt tremendously related to him, and seeing him in this episode is just satisfying. With his issues behind, with a promise to skate with Langa after he wins and no longer fearful, Reki rematches against Adam; and the way he does is fantastic! Taking advantage of his creativity, observative skills and mechanical knowledge on skateboarding, he faces up against the main boss and manages to not only endure his violent ways (which were gruelling to see, TBH), but also SOUNDLY HUMILIATE HIM in front of the whole S Community!

Yes, Adam, the "God of S", in the ground covered in mud by a boy almost everyone dissmissed! It was really sunshine through rainfall! I must also add how much I liked to see his renewed relationship with Langa, how much they treasure their company after patching up. I want to elaborate on this in its own post but I personally see that their interactions from this point on are more, I don't know, tender, caring, still playful but not in an entirely comedic way. The way they see each other is also deeper, anyway, it's just what I see.

NUMBER 3 - A DRAW: Episode 8 - The Fated Tournament! and Episode 9 - We Were Special Back Then (A.K.A. The month in which I was in an emotional crisis because of anime sk8t3r b0is 🍎🐍😭🛹❄🍵🌸 )

This is the point in which I got into the show, and the fandom (Yeah, haven't been around for too long). At this point the show wasn't the same, and I realized it when I caught up. Though there were some cool skating scenes in these episodes, the events that caught my attention were outside the road (Yeah, this was no longer just a skateboard anime, it's a whole lot more). Though I had been mainly focusing on Reki and Langa, I really liked having more backstory related to Joe, Cherry, Adam and Tadashi. Seeing how Adam went through a terrible childhood, convoluted teeange years to culminate in an adult with too much power for his own good and a twisted sense of "love", along with some extremely serious psychological issues was very interesting.

I acknowldge him as a complex villain, but that DOES NOT justify what he did to Cherry. This only proves that just because we know his backstory, we don't have to sympathize with him (Adam's just such a terrible person). On the RENGA side, we see Reki avoiding Langa after their rift, and how this affected both. We have Langa's sadness increase scene after scene, as well as his passion for skating dwindling as progressively. Reki on the other hand, just falls deeper and deeper in his depression, but also being unable to stop thinking about Langa, and he ends up going to S to see the latter's match against Joe. It's hard to see whether there's envy, jelaousness, frustration, admiration, pining or fear of being left behind in his mind. It must have been hard for a 17 y/o.

Reki also defends Langa from people speaking behind his back and shouting his name during the race boosts Langa's performance tremendously. This culminates on Reki realizing that the thing he actually wanted was to skate alongside Langa, not on the side, not as support, but together, he just couldn't. There's also the scene which may or may not confirm that Langa's feelings for Reki are more than just friendship! (Felt represented, for reals).

NUMBER 2 - Episode 7 - We Don't Balance Out (A.K.A. This was supposed to be a fun show!😭⛈️💔️)

I wrote a lot about the episodes in the previous spot, but this is the one that flipped the tables, the game-changer, and the one that hit closer home. It is a sad episode, no races there, it's just here for us to see how the circumstances affect the characters. It was hard to see how Reki, who at this point had been nothing but supportive and proud of Langa, starts to see him flying farther from him. Is it jealousness? Dissatisfaction? Is it fear of loneliness? Adbandoment issues? Is it feeling inferior? Frustration? Not being able to improve? Admiration? Care?

And on top of that a broken promise. I just can't imagine how hard is it for a 17 y/o to deal with all of those conflicting issues in his head, as well as the toxic competitive environment on the "S Community". This just came to show that he wasn't just the excitable, goofy sidekick character, he goes deeper than that, and makes him relatable. We also see a deconstruction of the cool, aloof prodigious character in Langa, as he just can't comprehend what's going on with Reki, and he's hurt by it, but still needs to figure out his own ambitions and desries. This leads to the emotional conclusion of the episode (which in turn left me in the aforementioned 4-week-long emotional crisis, thank you)

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Episode 12 - Our Infinity! - The race was cool, the Renga hug gave me life and everyone had a happy ending

Episode 5 - Passionate Dancing Night! - Despite the beef between Langa and Adam being cool, we start to see Reki worrying about Langa and opening up to him, further deepening their bond.

Episode 2 - Awesome for the First Time! - There's just something special about sharing something you're passionate about with someone else. Watching Reki teaching Langa the basics of skateboarding was heartwarming

NUMBER 1 - Episode 10 - DAP Not Needing Words

After 4 weeks waiting, the anticipation for this episode was gargantuan. Reki's depression was hitting its lowest point, bordering in self-harm, and hurting others as well. Langa continues to look for Reki after seeing him briefly at the hospital while visiting Shadow and we get to see this loving scene where he watches videos of Reki learining how to skate. After confronting Tadashi and realizing that he loves skating because it's fun, he returns home to find out that Langa had been waiting for him but left shortly before he arrived.

This leads to a heartful reunion, where words can't express their feelings, so they resort to do their thing, to skate, and that's where the feelings flow. This is when Langa tells Reki how he admires him tremendously and Reki understands that Langa'll be there by his side, and leaves his fears behind. With a mutual desire to skate together infinetely and a new dap, they rekindle their bond. People watched this show for different reasons, and though I like the skateboarding aspect because it looks cool, my interest leans more on the relationship aspect, and Reki and Langa's is so deep and intimate, and I liked seeing it grow from zero through different hardships (in other words, in all of the years I've been in a fandom, I had never shipped any other pair like these two, I needed to say that).

So I guess it's time to tag some people:

@pico-sour, @sleebycryptid, @elizabethslee, @itsamole, @kaorucherry, @blueflame97, @trieizieme, @tardiskitten, @lady-pendragon-9

So, if you've read until this point, thank you very much (I know it's not supposed to, but this post is yet again a very long "I love Renga" one, but it's what my heart wanted me to write 😅). I'd love to see people other than the ones I tagged showing their lists 😃

[loove-persevering]

I Like How We Are (JJ X Reader)

Description: Kind of a request of JJ protecting the reader from a bad situation with Topper/Rafe!

This is my first OBX imagine! I hope you all enjoy I really would like to write more so if you have request hit me up dudessss!!!! 

 There was something about a bonfire on a beach that felt like home to you, it seemed to signalize the beginning of summer. The cold breeze of the water making it slightly more cold at night, and luminance spread across the beach everyone in their own comfortable element including you.

 The school year was finally over and it was just the beginning of June kicking of summer. It was a Pogue party, those were the only ones you enjoyed. Growing up a kook you had always been to fancy parties where it seemed like you were talking with people from the twilight zone. It was nice to sit back and relax and feel yourself without the fear of judgement, and without the expectations that were unspoken at those parties. Your parents were both in the real estate business, also owning a couple properties themselves that they would rent out to vacationers bringing in a pretty penny for your family. 

 You went to the best private school in the county, had a nice house, and also a great family. Your family wasn’t one to look down on others despite their money, they told you from an early age that having money didn’t mean you had it all, nor did it make you better than anyone else. Growing up in such a toxic environment filled with greed, and a elite perception you rarely found friends you connected with. Then you met Kie, it was randomly and you honestly can’t remember the process of becoming friends with her but you did. A few short months later she finally introduced you to the rest of the pogues JJ, Pope, and John B. 

 Little did you know they would become the greatest friends you ever had. Tonight you were hanging out with them, the beach was crowded with both Kooks and Pogues but you knew exactly where you belonged in the distinct line. Of course you saw people from your school and would say hey when they would notice you around. You were sitting with your back pressed against a log around a small fire, JJ was on your right and Kie was on your left with Pope and John B sitting across from you. 

 You slump over leaning your head against JJ who was mid conversation with Pope, you can see John B holding back a grin as well as Pope. ‘’You may not be a full Pogue Y/N, but you know our rule!’’ John B says grinning at you playfully. 

 You roll your eyes, ‘’Good thing most would identify me as a Kook then,’’ You say sticking your tongue out at him and he laughs. You glance up to JJ who was looking down at you a slight smile on his face, ‘’Do you mind?’’ You ask him. 

‘‘Not at all me lady,’‘ He says jokingly. You smile at him finally turning your attention back to John B and Pope who were now in a similar position as you and JJ. 

‘‘Do you mind?’‘ John B asks Pope in a very high pitched exaggerated voice.

‘‘Not at all me lady,’‘ He say, John B takes his hand flipping it over his shoulder attempting to make fun of you. ‘‘Talk about macking guys,’‘ He says earning a laugh from everyone. 

‘‘Give them a break, I’m sure you’d be the exact same if you had a girl!’‘ Kie says defending you. 

 To say you had a crush on JJ was the understatement of the year and Kie knew that. When you first started hanging out with them you were beyond shy, you felt as if you were just the odd ball out considering they had all been friends way longer. JJ was the first to make you feel comfortable, of course John B and Pope did too but JJ was different. He would always crack jokes with you, always make sure you were included when you would dismiss yourself to the side, and just make sure a smile was always on your face. It was an initiative nobody had ever taken before, not that you had dated let alone shown interest in anyone else before. 

After a few minute of hovering a conversation you push yourself up off of JJ, when you look at him he looked a little disappointed you could say. ‘’I’ll be right back,’’ You say offering him a smile. ‘’Anyone want another drink?’’ You ask Kie being the only one to want another. 

As you walked away you took a quick glance back only to meet JJ watching you walk away, he smiles when he realizes you noticed him watching you and you turn your head trying to hide your smile. Knowing if JJ actually thought of you as anything more than a friend was frustrating? Yeah that’s exactly how you would put it, frustrating. There would be times like a few minutes ago where you would feel like he possibly felt the same way, and then there were days he would just kind of turn it off? 

 You shook your head at the confusing thought, you were grateful that tonight was one of the nights he seemed to be into it rather than pushing you away. You finally make it up to the keg grabbing two cups and pouring you and Kie some, you were just about finished when you felt someone come up behind you their arm wrapping around your waist. 

‘‘What the hell?’‘ You ask pulling away from whoever it was, only to turn around and find out it was Topper and Rafe along with a few of their other friends. ‘’Topper,’’ You say feeling a sigh of relief, the boy was practically harmless but lately he seemed to be hanging out with a different crowd and didn’t seem like the same boy you had always known. 

 You saw the slight red tint to Toppers face and the beer stains down his shirt, ‘’You look great tonight Y/N,’’ Topper says to you.

You push a piece of your hair out of your face laughing awkwardly, ‘’Oh, thanks Top.’’ You say. 

‘‘Wanna get out of here with us?’‘ He says and Rafe comes up behind him wrapping his arm around Topper’s shoulder. 

‘‘Yeah, come with!’‘ Rafe says. 

‘‘I’m good,’‘ You say awkwardly. ‘‘I’m here with some friends anyway,’‘ You say offering Topper a small smile.

‘‘You mean with your pogue friends?’‘ Rafe asks. 

‘‘With my friends,’‘ You clarify. ‘‘And they’re probably wondering where I am.’‘ You say attempting to take a step forward but Rafe blocks you before you take another step. 

‘‘You really gonna let her turn you down for them?’‘ Rafe asks his hand gesturing over to the small bonfire you sat at a few minutes ago. ‘‘Topper come on man, grow a pair.’‘ Rafe encourages him. 

Topper looks hesitant at first but gives in anyway, ‘’Come on Y/N,’’ He says grabbing one of the cups out of your hand and taking a swig of it. Topper makes his way over to you wrapping his arm around your waist once again pulling you to his side aggressively causing you to spill your drink slightly against his polo shirt. ‘’Awww,’’ He sighs glancing down at the stain. ‘’Now you owe me!’’ He says and you look at him a little confused. He takes the drink out of your hand throwing it into the sand and before you knew what happened Topper was bent down trying to pick you up, before he could you take a step back avoiding him. He takes a step forward when you take a step back and instinctively you reach your arms out pushing him away from you. 

‘‘What the hell Topper?’‘ You say raising your voice. 

‘‘I’m just playing around Y/N,’‘ He says reaching out for your hand grabbing your wrist tightly. ‘’You ignore us all summer to hang out with them when is it our turn?’’ He asks his words slurred slightly. 

You try and yank your wrist away from Topper but his grip was pretty strong. You were completely at a stand still in the situation, that was until Toppers grip from your hand was finally gone and he was laying against the sand. You look up in shock seeing JJ standing next to you everyone else following behind in a panic. 

‘‘You don’t touch her!’‘ He yells out at Topper. You walk over to JJ pressing your hand against his chest trying to get him away from the situation, the last thing he needed to be involved in was another fight. ‘’You don’t touch her,’’ He repeats again as you push him back. 

‘‘JJ, come on.’‘ You say to him staring at him straight in the eyes, ‘‘Let’s go,’‘ You say and for a second you see him calm down his eyes now filled with more concern rather than anger. ‘‘I’m okay, I’m fine. Let’s go please,’‘ You continue to try and sway him away from the situation. 

You quickly glance behind seeing Rafe helping Topper off the ground saying something to him, Topper glances up at you finally making eye contact his face blank with emotion. ‘’Y/N gets around enough, only a matter of time until she’s gone through the whole group and she makes her way back to us.’’ Topper says and you turn around and narrow your eyes at him confused why he would say anything like that. 

 At Toppers words you felt JJ spin back around taking off toward him yanking out of the grip you had on his arm. ‘’JJ!’’ You yell running back over to him just as his fist slams in to Toppers face once again knocking him to the ground. JJ stands above Topper lying on the ground blood running from his lip, then in a split second JJ was pushed to the ground by Rafe who was probably counting on his side of anger. 

His fist slams into JJ’s face repeatedly until John B and Pope make their way over trying to pull him off which only causes more of Rafes friends to jump into the fight. Rafe stands up as John B and Pope are trying to get past the other guys blocking them, Rafe starts to kick JJ in his abdomen a few times before John B finally makes his way over aggressively pushing him away so he could no longer make any kicks. 

 ‘’Cops!’’ You hear someone yell. 

You try and rush over to JJ who was still on the ground completely concerned with him rather than what was happening with Rafe. ‘’JJ come on,’’ You say your hand pressing against his cheek softly. ‘’We have to go,’’ You tell him. When you look back to get help John B, Pope, and Kie were all right behind you. You look over seeing Rafe and Topper running away and the blue lights were only getting closer. 

‘‘We have to get him up,’‘ You say to them. John B and Pope go to help him off the ground and he groans. 

‘‘Cops are coming man,’‘ Pope tells JJ. Once JJ slightly gets his footing you make your way to the van, almost everyone had already cleared off the beach by then. 

The drive back to John Bs seemed longer than usual, but you knew JJ had some pain so maybe it was just excruciatingly long because all you could do was stare at the dried blood on his face and the slight echo of a bruise forming around some spots of his face. When you did finally arrive John B and Pope walk him in laying him down on the bed and Kie and you stood at the door, ‘’I’m gonna go get something for his cuts,’’ You say. 

 You make your way to the bathroom grabbing a cloth and some alcohol and go back to the bedroom making your way over to JJ on the bed. ‘’You’re so-’’ You begin to tell him but you sigh falling short of words. 

 ‘’We’ll give you all a minute,’’ Kie says coughing. You hear them shuffle out closing the door behind them. 

You pour some alcohol onto the cloth pressing it against his face causing him to wince. ‘’It could’ve been worse,’’ You inform him. 

‘‘Tell that to my ribs,’‘ He says trying to push himself up.

‘‘I’m gonna look okay?’‘ You ask him and he nods slowly. Pulling up his shirt slowly you saw few red marks some of them already having some bruising around them. And then you saw some others that had more of a yellow look to them and you furrow your eyebrows taking your hand and gently placing it over them tracing the outline of it. ‘‘JJ these aren’t new are they?’‘ You ask him glancing up making eye contact with him. 

He stares at you for a second as if he was debating his next choice of words, ‘’My dad,’’ He sighs and it was all he had to say. You open your mouth to say something but close it again when you realize you were at a loss for words. JJ was a man that constantly put his neck out for other people, always the selfless one of the group and right under your noses he was suffering. ‘’Don’t uh- say anything to the others.’’ He says now sounding nervous. 

 Still at a loss for words you don’t say anything you just continue to clean the few cuts and scrapes he had. Every once in a while he would wince and you’d apologize earning a confirmation he was okay, once you had finally finished cleaning them up as best as you could you sit the bottle on the night stand and hand the cloth on top of the bottle. When you glance back over at JJ he was looking at you an unreadable expression on his face. ‘’Thank you,’’ You tell him. ‘’For stepping in.’’ 

‘‘Like I would let some guy treat you like that,’‘ He says. 

‘‘What he said was a lie too you know that? That I get around or whatever?’‘ You tell him. 

He lets out a small laugh, ‘’I know that,’’ He says sounding sure. 

You don’t say anything for a few moments after that and just look down at your hands picking off the nail polish you had only put on the day before. ‘’You’re a great friend JJ,’’ You tell him. 

‘‘Well thank you me lady,’‘ He says trying to lighten the mood. ‘‘I don’t like to see you sad.’‘ 

‘’Well, I don’t like to see you like this!’‘ You tell him gesturing to his state at the moment. He opens his arms as if for a hug and you fall into them resting your head against his chest carefully. ‘‘You should get some sleep,’‘ You tell him adjusting your head so your chin was resting on his chest and you were looking up at him and he smiled down at you softly. You move your body forward slightly letting yourself press a small kiss upon his cheek, ‘‘Tell anyone I did that and I’ll never hear the end of it.’‘ You say laughing. 

‘‘That is something I think I’ll keep to myself.’‘ He answers back. You smile at him graciously laying your head back down against his chest. Maybe one day you would tell JJ that you wished you could do that every day and not just when he was hurt. ‘’Y/N?’’ He asks his hand now playing with a strand of your hair. 

‘‘Yeah?’‘ You ask. 

‘‘I like this,’‘ He says. ‘‘How we are with each other.’‘ 

You smile to yourself, ‘’Me too,’’ you sigh, ‘’Me too.’’ 

________________

REQUEST: OPEN

Thanks for reading! If you want to see more please send request and I will try to get to them! If I don’t complete your imagine please don’t be offended I have over 20 drafts I just want to feel like it’s the best imagine I can write before I post and sometimes I just get side tracked! Thanks for understanding!:)

[ashleyevelen]

Personal Diary Entry #1 - Some personal background.

I thought I'd make some entries about my personal life, internal struggles, and see if I can make these kinds of short blogposts daily. Before coming to Tumblr, I kept a less frequently updated private diary in Google, and some of my posts on Reddit were meant to accomplish what I think.

Some of these ideas will be deeply personal as I hope to maintain most of the candidness of a personal diary while I write this.

Where I'm at lately, is it feels like two steps forward and at least half a step back in terms of becoming a happier and more fulfilled girl who's more fully healed from her depression. As I described in my reddit post a little over a week ago, before I began my attempt to join Tumblr in earnest, my personal environment is often harmful for reasons somewhat outside of my control.

The result of this has been that to the extent I can get privacy, be relatively isolated and limit my contact to family members who are more likely to be civil towards me, I tend to minimize my anxiety, but if I'm unable to avoid this there's likely to be an "incident" (i.e. a mostly inescapable and one-sided screaming match in which my family stands around insulting and criticizing me with at best, a veneer of attempting to be balanced though I either did absolutely nothing or very little to provoke the scenario).

So, a degree of loneliness is my ally, and something I've become comfortable with and learned to thrive in, and this is the space in which I have always made personal progress. But I find myself in a cycle of making progress in overcoming my depression, meditating, educating myself on new concepts and ways of thinking and overcoming internalized toxic masculinity and transphobia...only to temporarily lose some of that progress the next time I find myself a victim of abuse.

An incident with my family happened a few days ago, the abuse directed at me was as bad as I can recall it being from them, it was impossible to describe it as anything other than terrifying and since then, most of my efforts have been geared towards getting back to that same healthy place I was at before.

When given a little breathing room, when it's been at least a few days since I was last abused, it feels like I don't have depression anymore. This wasn't always the case, I used to have daily anxiety, anxiety which would only go away to any significant degree when I experienced the euphoria of presenting myself as a girl online...which was how I eventually discovered I was a trans girl.

But a couple months or so ago, I'd finally healed enough that this daily trauma had ended, it had been replaced with an incredible daily sense of joy which I feel for the most part as I'm writing this today, but one punctuated with grim reminders of the treatment from my family which caused it in the first place.

This post ended up being longer than I thought it would, I started out wanting to give an update on how I felt today, but it turned into giving some history and putting some thoughts to paper I hadn't fully articulated before, I'll probably make a shorter post later talking about where I'm at today mentally and kind of what I'm going through.

[ot7always]

Fractured (part 1)

prev / Series Masterlist / next

Word Count: 2.8k 

Pairing: OT7 x Reader (platonic); future Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU, angst, fluff, (future) smut

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of violence including murder (non-explicit). Mentions of sex (non-explicit). Mentions of drugs, guns, neglect, physical abuse, parental death. Toxic household, implicit mentions of mental illness (depression).

Rating: 18+

Summary: You’d always known something was strange and different about your “family,” but it wasn’t as though your environment encouraged curiosity from you. You thought you wanted to know all the answers, but nobody ever told you that the more you learned the more pieces of yourself you would leave behind.

A/N: This is my first story in this fandom, and I haven’t written anything for any fandom in years. This plot came to me all of a sudden last night and I decided I needed to write it. Please let me know what you think!

Masterlist

--

You used to be naive.

You were 11 when you first held a gun.

12 when you first made every shot through the centre of the target.

13 when you first noticed the fathers’ proud eyes rather than empty ones.

14 when you first defeated one of the boys in a spar.

15 when you first learned the details of why this was all necessary.

16 when the boys last saw you smile for real.

17 when you first participated in a mission, knuckles bloody for the first time.

18 when you first gave yourself to a man, only to later drug him and strangle him in his sleep.

They say ignorance is bliss, and you can’t help but to agree. Knowledge is not always power – you understand that better than anyone. Because the day you sought more knowledge was the last day you might have considered yourself truly happy.

--

“I said no. You’re not going anywhere.” The man looked at you, stone-faced in the doorway to his office. You had sought him out for permission to attend a classmate’s birthday party, but already regretted trying. It wasn’t as if you were ever allowed to go anywhere but school and back, escorted by the man’s driver.

Your neck had to crane upward to give him the pleading looks that often worked on his wife, but to no avail. With your head barely reaching the man’s waist, his cold stare had your six-year-old heart pounding, tears filling your eyes.

“But-“ you started, however it appeared there was no room for negotiation. The door was slammed in your face, door rattling in the frame. The noise was enough to make you jump, hands rising to wipe away the wetness that you could no longer hold back after being denied again.

Wanting to hide under your covers for the rest of the night lest you run into the man again, you turned around but instantly collided with another body. Gasping, your eyes immediately fell to the floor, hands falling to your sides.

“I’m sorry,” you uttered with as clear of a voice as you could manage, unwilling to invite the anger of another in the household, especially not the other adults. But the response was not one you expected.

“Y/N?” a soft voice questioned, reaching for your trembling hands. Your eyes rose to meet those of Namjoon’s, who only looked at you with more concern once he properly saw your state. His eyes swept over you quickly, assuring himself you weren’t hurt. He was only a few years older than you, but he worried for you greatly. “What happened?”

Hearing a kind voice after such an icy rejection only caused you to cry harder, stepping forward to wrap your arms around Namjoon’s waist, head buried in his chest. He accepted you without hesitation – it isn’t as though this is the first time this has happened. His hand rose to rub at your back, his warm touch calming you down some. But still, you did not offer an explanation. You knew the rules in this house, and it was your own fault for wanting more, after all. As you begun to pull away, still seeking the safety of your bed to avoid the rest of the world, Namjoon’s hands remained on your shoulders.

“Did my father say something to you again?” he questioned, sympathy in his gaze. You breaking eye contact was answer enough for him. And while he wished he could do something more for you, approaching his father about this would only invite him to unleash his anger on both of you.  

Instead, he grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with your own. When you peered at him inquisitively, he was glad to see that while your eyes were shiny and nose runny, you were no longer crying. Unwilling to let you mope for the rest of the day, he begun leading you away.

“I’ll make you some pasta, okay? I’m sure you haven’t eaten dinner yet,” he said, continuing the long trek from the upstairs rooms down to the kitchen.

While no, you hadn’t eaten, the last time you ate Namjoon’s pasta you ended up throwing up into the toilet hours later. But unwilling to reject his kindness, you allowed him to seat you at the dining table as he looked for ingredients in the fridge. You had planned to sit and watch him quietly, until you felt somebody collide with you from behind, arms wrapping around your neck.

“Y/N! We need one more person for Mario Party!” an excited voice yelled right by your ear, making you wince. After giving you the appropriate 0.3 seconds to formulate a proper response, hands begun shaking you at the shoulders hard enough to whip your head forward and back.

“Taehyungie…” you started, ready to deny him, unsure if you could handle the raucous of three young boys yelling at each other for stealing stars.

“Pleeeeeease! Please please please pleaseplease,” he begged, rocking your smaller body back and forth in the chair. His enthusiasm had you cracking your first smile since returning home from school.

“Y/N! We’re waiting for you!” a softer voice called from the living room. While you had been thinking about denying Taehyung, you never would’ve been able to deny Jimin. While mischievous, he had never been anything but kind to you growing up, leaving a huge soft spot in your heart for him.

Namjoon let out a small laugh from the stove, where he was stirring a pot that seemed to be letting out a suspicious amount of smoke for what he claimed to be pasta.

“You’d better join them or you’ll never hear the end of it,” he chuckled, giving you a wide grin when he saw you looking significantly happier than before. He was thankful that even if each of their parents might give you a hard time, at least you had seven brothers who only wanted to make you happy.

--

By the time you were ten years old, you had grown to accept that your life would not be like the lives of your classmates. You would not bake cookies at other girls’ houses, you would not join the after-school volleyball team, and you would not walk with friends to the ice cream shop down the street from school. That isn’t to say you hadn’t been invited. You had, years ago, but a child can only be told no so many times before they stop trying. After all, who wants to ask a question knowing the answer will always be rejection?

You were friendly with your classmates, but they knew you were some type of untouchable. You heard the whispers. She says she likes us, but why won’t she hang out? Why does the same car with tinted windows pick you up everyday? Why were you always alone on Parents’ Day?

While others had always wondered about your life, nobody dared to ask you. Whenever anyone mentioned family, the friendliness stopped. “It’s none of your business,” you would always answer, ending the conversation then and there. If your teachers ever tried to get information out of you, you would tell them not to worry. You always had an excuse for your parents not being there.

“They’re away on a trip.”

“My mother is ill.”

“They need to work during the day.”

The staff at school thought your parents were government officials, and you had likely been instructed not to talk about it. They were half right – your entire living memory you have been instructed not to talk about your family or your living situation no matter what.

It was easy to lie about why your parents weren’t there when your parents were dead. After all, who was there to refute your claims when the only family you had to speak of wasn’t even related to you by blood? The seven young boys – teenagers now, you supposed – had always been close to you, but you weren’t family.

No, you had been told that your parents were business associates of the seven families, but they had unfortunately died in an accident shortly after your birth. Unwilling to send their friends’ newborn to an orphanage, they instead took you in and allowed you to live with their families, where they raised you.

If raising you was the right term. In fact, many of the boys’ fathers ignored your existence. Namjoon’s father seemed to loathe you, though you didn’t think you did anything to cause such hate. However, you supposed that since he was not a kind man to his own son either, you could not complain. He was the head of the household, after all. You didn’t dare anger him, preferring to keep out of his way than to risk his booming voice and hard gaze.

It was not an ideal life. This much you understood, after seeing your classmates boast of their grades to their parents, happily shoving their report cards in their faces. When you see fathers raise their sons above their head, making obnoxious noises and pretending they’re an airplane, something deep inside you mourns something you’ve never had. You’ve never laughed at your father’s jokes, nor picked out an outfit with your mother.

It was not an ideal life, but at the very least you had the boys. They were perhaps the only people you could ever call a friend. They were loud and annoying, but also the only people who made you feel that you had a home.

--

By the time you were eleven, you had become curious. After all, every television show you’ve seen only had one family in one house, sometimes two. Seven was unheard of as far as you knew, and your adolescent brain with a newfound passion for science and mystery novels needed to know why this was. Of course, nobody could know about his goal of yours. This was top secret.

It started with casual eavesdropping. Before, you had tried to avoid the men in the house at all costs. Their serious looks scared you, and though the majority never specifically targeted you with their anger, you dared not risk it. However, you knew the men of the house frequently gathered behind closed doors, sometimes their wives too. It almost seemed like a business meeting, based on the dramas you’ve seen Seokjin watching in his spare time.

It was surprisingly easy to sneak around in the house, considering your presence was ignored by most. Even the maids didn’t look twice at your antics, knowing how teenagers always seemed to play weird games.

It was difficult to listen well, and you didn’t want to risk getting caught. You’ve only heard snippets of conversation, but it was enough to raise suspicion. The words you’ve been able to catch recently – “mission,” “warehouse,” “armed,” had you furrowing your brows, but what confused you most was “Bangtan,” or what you thought was Bangtan. You didn’t know what that meant. But what surprised you most was how often the others boys’ names seemed to come up, particularly Seokjin and Yoongi, the two eldest.

Your sleuthing continued through the weeks, but the words were hard to hear and you didn’t gain much from it. In fact, you considered giving up and trying to figure things out based on what you already had, but you figured one more try couldn’t hurt.

Perhaps you should have stayed in your room. Not that you knew now whether that could have helped you or not.

On one Wednesday after school, you returned home quicker than normal, traffic having been light for some reason. You figured you may as well use the opportunity to listen to any conversations that might be going on. After all, you made it home earlier than expected, so perhaps nobody would think you to be there to hear anything at all. Not that anyone paid attention to your schedule at all.

So there you sat – squatted, more accurately – outside Namjoon’s father’s office. You heard two muffled voices inside, but could not place who the other belonged to. What you did not expect, however, was to hear your own name coming from their lips.

“We’ve waited long enough. Y/N is useless right now, a liability more than anything,” a gruff voice said. The domineering tone itself told you it was Namjoon’s father, even if you couldn’t see anything at all.

“She’s still young-”

“And your son was years younger than her when he learned of everything. Stop babying her.”

Hearing a conversation centered around you was definitely not the norm. You leaned closer, hoping to hear better, but that was your downfall. Your shoulder brushed against the door – barely a touch at all, but enough to shake the door, and clearly noticeable to the men inside. Before you could even think to stand up, the door swung open, your eyes meeting those of Taehyung’s father like a deer in the headlights.

You felt as though your chest was going to explode, bracing yourself for the worst berating of your life. Would they kick you out? Would they hit you?

“I-I’m sorry,” your voice trembled along with the rest of you, “I thought I heard my name and I was curious, I promise I didn’t mean to,” you let out all in one breath, flinching and preparing yourself for the yelling, the fists, for anything.

What you didn’t expect was laughter. Namjoon’s father’s laughter, to be exact.

“The choice has been made for us,” he declared, directed toward Taehyung’s father.

“Sit.” he instructed you harshly, gesturing toward a chair across from his desk. There was just enough distance between you and him to feel that you were miles away. It made the man seem even more powerful than before.

“Do you remember what we told you about your parents?” he said as he fixed his stare on your wide eyes, more a demand than a question. You nodded, afraid a verbal answer would only get caught in your throat.

“Then you know we were in the same business,” he continued. You nodded again. This is the nicest he’s ever been speaking to you, and that had you relaxing some.

“You see, the boys here are all involved in this business as well. That is their responsibility to their family. Their duty. And it is time for you to fulfill your duty as well. This is what your parents would have wanted, and it is what we need from you in return for sheltering you all these years,” he went on, taking in your expression. The confusion and wariness must have been apparent on your face, because he kept on without waiting for a reply.

“You will train. After school for four hours everyday. You will become part of this business. The boys will help you,” he stated firmly, and you clearly knew these were not requests. These were commands, and you had no place to deny them, despite the questions you wanted to ask. You turned your head to look at Taehyung’s father, who had been one of the only people in the house who treated you as human. He nodded at you reassuringly, hiding his own hesitation well.

“Yes, sir,” you managed to get out, the first words you’d spoken since you entered the room. Even those were a struggle considering your shock.

“Good. You start tomorrow. Now leave.”

And train you did.

--

You were 11 when you first held a gun.

12 when you first made every shot through the centre of the target.

13 when you first noticed the fathers’ proud eyes rather than empty ones.

14 when you first defeated one of the boys in a spar.

15 when you first learned the details of why this was all necessary.

16 when the boys last saw you smile for real.

17 when you first participated in a mission, knuckles bloody for the first time.

18 when you first gave yourself to a man, only to later drug him and strangle him in his sleep. That was the first night you’d made yourself vulnerable in years, sobbing into Hoseok’s arms lamenting what you had done.

19 when you finally seemed to earn the respect of Namjoon’s father.

19 when you finally seemed to realize you would never be happy, never hold a real job, never get a real education.

You were no longer just part of the house, invisible to the powerful men and their wives who lived there. You had skill, talent.

No, you were no longer just a thing. You were a weapon, an asset. A tool to be used.

But a tool can only be used for so long before its shine fades.

prev / Series Masterlist / next

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

i once saw someone say that the ship between end*avor and Rei is one of their favorites like girl... have we read the same manga? Rei deserves better that his crusty ass

I'm gonna need more context on this one because there are different ways of "liking" a ship. Let me clarify some:

I think the dynamic is interesting type: aka the writer's view. Without liking the ship, you're interested in the way it is portrayed or in the way it plays out in the narrative. In this one you need to acknowledge exactly how problematic the ship is, and while NOT defending or excusing it, you study or explore its implications. THIS IS VALID.

I like what they mean to the narrative type: this is a subtype of the writer's view. You are not interested in the characters per se, but in how the pairing impacts the whole narrative or what it means. Toxic relationships are important in the media because they represent deeper, complex issues to acknowledge on the narrative. THIS IS VALID.

I like to write about this type: this one is tricky. It is only valid if the person is acknowledging how problematic the pairing is and why this can't be supported in real life. However, if the person doesn't follow those rules, we have a case of the...

I romanticize an abusive-toxic pairing type: which happens a lot, sadly. I know fiction is not reality, but the problem comes when people start forgetting that the more we consume a certain content without critical thinking, the more the lines get blurred. THIS IS NOT VALID, NEVER VALID.

Rei is a victim and Endeavor is his abuser. The first thinf you need to do to understand the problem is identify what exactly you like about the pairing. For example: Is it that he has a fire quirk and she has a ice quirk? Then you don't like the pairing, you like the trope.

Is it the way they look together? Buddy, you're putting physical characteristics over the well-being of a woman who was severely abused.

You can even create a whole au where Endeavor is not an abuser and ship them there, but even like that, you're prioritizing an abuser over other characters that deserve attention and are healthy people.

And please don't come comparing Endeavor to Dabi or Shigaraki because I swear to God, Endeavor has zero reasons to what he did. While Dabi and Shigaraki did things wrong, they are victims too, so thing Endeavor is not. Shigaraki grew up in a whole other environment, and Dabi almost died thanks to his negligent parents.

Romanticizing Rei and Endeavor's ship is soooo wrong, almost as bad as incest and pedophilia. Why? Because Endeavor even went with marital rape, buddy. Rei has his flaws and she did things wrong with her children, but don't come blame her for what Endeavor did to her. She was so terrified of her husband, she needed SEVERAL YEARS OF MENTAL TREATMENT to even go out of the hospital.

And this is not a "I'm free to do whatever I want" case if you're talking about it all over the place, because critical thinking is vital in our reality, specially since we consume so much content daily. You can have your toxic ship but only if you want it for intellectual purposes like studying character construction or human behavior or written tools or stuff like that.

Otherwise, keep it to yourself and tag it properly so the rest of us can avoid it. You already know what you're doing and why it's wrong, you're free to keep doing it because I can stop you, but keep the damage to yourself only.

*Note: anon I'm so sorry for ranting like this, but those were things that needed to be said. I share your thoughts about this. The people who romanticize Endeavor is really a nightmare.

[painted-crow]

hey paint i know primaries burn or explode but is there a word for when your secondary gets real tired? i like my rapid fire actor bird secondary, but lately it’s felt like it’s acting all the way down—like when i dig through all the toolboxes and personas i’ll just come out the other side. it worries me in a mirrorball-by-taylor-swift kinda way (which isn’t really helped by my lion primary haha).

Secondaries burn too, and I think you're on the verge of that--the feeling of exhaustion you describe is a key characteristic. It seems like your masks conflict with your primary; if you're using that tactic a lot lately for one reason or another and it's starting to freak out your Lion, you could end up fully burning your secondary.

(You also mention rapid fire Bird, but it sounds like the Actor Bird masks are more the problem. Usually tools don't feel like something you hide behind. If they do to you... maybe they aren't really your tools, like you didn't get to choose them, and someone pushed them on you? Just a thought.)

Caution: HOT

Assuming that sounds right, you want to avoid burning your secondary, if possible. I'll try to offer some advice, but this is going to be a bit of a shot in the dark, so it's hard to say what will apply to you... otherwise, *offers internet hugs*

A note before we get into this: do what you need to protect yourself. Using masks isn't wrong or bad, but given what you've said, I'm concerned for you--I know how exhausting they are to keep up long term, even if you aren't a Lion. But if it turns out that using Bird masks is what you need to do to survive, don't feel bad about that--keep yourself safe.

Identifying the problem

First, it sounds like you're using your masks more often than usual, and there's probably a reason for that. My guess is that there's something that feels unsafe or unaccepting to you, and since you're noticing this problem now, there's a good chance that it's new.

A new environment, new relationship, new circumstances... something is stressing you out. Toxic work environment at a new job? Friend who isn't really a friend? Situations you can't prepare for easily?

Our friend @magpie-of-a-birb has a brilliant suggestion for figuring this out through Lion primary:

Slow down and break down the situation. Make each aspect as small as possible and essentially hold every aspect up to your lion one at a time. See what pings, see what doesn't, and don't ignore any pings saying something is wrong, and especially not the ones saying you feel unsafe. If anything, investigate them further.

Basically, use your lion consciously. There may be pings that you're missing that would be helpful (like signs that you're uncomfortable with xyz behavior from someone else).

(Slightly edited for pronouns etc, but that's all Magpie. She's super smart you guys.)

Potential fixes

Once you've figured out what's wrong, you have a few general options for dealing with it.

Different tactics. Can you get by with a different Bird tool? Pick up a model of another secondary, maybe try out Badger mirroring instead? (Which, to me, feels more genuine than my Bird masks, and takes less energy.) What happens if you lower the mask a bit, if it's safe to do so? Is there possibly a different mask you could use that feels more like you/is less exhausting?

Change the situation. This might mean setting healthy boundaries, adjusting your schedule, backing off on some of the work you've taken on... you'll have to figure out what this means for you. It might also mean seeing a therapist who can help you through some of this.

Leave. This is a bit of a nuclear option, but sometimes you have to. You can't change a toxic work environment, for example, and you shouldn't undervalue your mental health. Consider continuing to look for work on the quiet.

There's one last option you might be thinking of: trying to get your Lion to be okay with your Bird masks. It might sound like a good idea, but masks aren't a good long-term tactic, specifically because of the amount of energy they require to maintain.

Believe me, I know.

Story time

I keep writing about this next experience in different posts and deleting it because it didn't seem relevant enough, but... I guess this is the time.

I have a "serious/smart/competent/masculine" Bird mask. I developed it in high school, and started using it constantly when I started studying programming in college. I was an anxious, depressive, barely 17-year-old loner girl (usually the only girl in the class) trying not to be rejected by a crowd that's notorious for being exclusionary.

And not without reason. There's a huge elitism problem in tech. I remember trying to lower the mask a few times, and getting pounced on. Not everyone did that, of course, but a handful of my professors did, as did many people I met at networking events. So basically, just the people whose approval I actually needed, career wise.

I had no flipping idea I was using a mask, and not until I left tech, years later, did I realize:

a) that I had the mask in the first place;

b) that I could drop it; or

c) how much energy it had taken to maintain.

Each of those realizations came separately. It took a while. I don't have a problem with any of the traits in the mask, see; each of them is mine to a degree (as with all my masks), but performing them constantly, and loudly enough to work, became too much for me.

Some masks take more energy than others. That one takes a lot, because I am not competitive, or terribly assertive, by nature. I have another mask ("soft/friendly/feminine/optionally shy") that I use in situations where I care more about being liked than respected. I can keep that one going longer, but it gets on my nerves eventually--either because it's not entirely me, or because the way some people treat that mask is really annoying.

It sounds like whatever mask you're using is on the energy-sucking side. There might be an easier one that you can gradually switch into (harder than it sounds, I know), but even then, it's not a great long term solution.

In short: masks are useful for things like making good first impressions or getting out of a bad situation, but not for getting a toxic community to accept you indefinitely. It's a really, really good thing that you're picking up on this now and not later.

(special credits to @magpie-of-a-birb, who discussed this with me and made this post better, in addition to supplying that quote--go follow her if you aren't already!)