#orignal

[ceroro]

car caw car caw

[orangepterodactyl]

succubus that feeds off of ennui get on that

i might've misunderstood the assignment a lil and oops i've got a new oc now

look at what you've done

[shelovesskiez]

It's not like you know all about today just because you lived yesterday.

©-shelovesskiez

[o0-o0o0o]

■🐈‍⬛🍶

[wisteriagroves]

Your eyes wander while my eyes have never once wavered from you.

You are all I ever saw and all I will ever want to see.

[hetalia-club]

I said before that America is like a looney tunes character but I also believe Russia operates in the same way. That their strength is just so next level that it's cartoonish, they can't kill each other so they just violently maim each other in the most elaborate ways.

To me I can't picture cold war fights between the two of them any other way. Picture these for me...

1.Russia waiting around the corner with a big mallet ready to knock an unsuspecting America unconscious as he chases after him.

2. America putting a sign on a building that says 'free vodka inside'. To which Russia zooms in quickly but when he does the sign falls away to read 'radiation factory do not enter!'

3. America and Russia getting into a fight and it's just one of those big dust clouds with stars and wacky sound effects coming out.

4. Them arguing and doing the back and forth where America says "Capitalism is better!" and Russia says "Communism is better!" Until America says "Communism! is better" and then Russia replies with "No Capitalism is better! and if I'm ever not a Capitalist let me be struck dead!" And then he's struck by lightning.

5. Russia sending America a plane ticket in the mail that says "Ticket to Capitalist beach paradise. + All you can eat disgusting delicious American foods" America quickly packs a bag and gets changed into sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt and hops onto a plane but it just goes to Siberia where America quickly jumps out and says something like "relaxation here I am!" he feels a tap on his shoulder and it's a polar bear and he just gets mauled.

6. Them playing hot potato with active dynamite. America getting Russia to keep it by saying something like "No no comrade! It's a gift! I bought it for you." And Russia's like "Awe thanks! why is it ticking?" And America's like "Gee I don't know pal, gotta run!" and zooms away right before it explodes leaving a very annoyed looking Russia covered in soot with his hair blown back.

7. Russia shoving America into a freezer and setting it to "artic" and ripping of the handle. America falls out a few hours later as a giant ice cube.

8. Russia punching America in the back of the head at a meeting and America turns around all surprised and Russia says "Gee pal I'm real sorry, shouldn't have hit you when your back was turned that was un- sportsman like of me." And stands America up dusting him off. America is like. "No worries buddy you only did this." And punches him in the face. Then he goes "Now if you would have done this..." And punches him in the gut. "Or this" And upper cuts him. "We would have had a serious issue...and I would of had to do something like this..." And America takes out a big mallet and hits Russia with it sending him through the celling. When Russia comes down he's like "Gee I'm sure glad I didn't do that then!"

So like major cartoonish and crazy things happen around them and at their will but everyone else is just normal. Only Russia and America can break the laws of physics for their bit.

[myhiddenquerencia]

"I once thought of living, but the thought itself makes me want to die."

-S

[cherryviscera]

blacking out and going berserk when coach says you can't wear lipstick on the field court

[transparentgentlemenmarker]

Au Canada visite des voisins

[mw-arts]

One last zine piece to post for now!

This one was super fun to do for @etchesonthescreen ! Be sure to check it out!

[ceroro]

the world of solo gamedev leads you to learn strange things

such as synthing crickets

[secretsofthewilde]

Joan Ferguson & Physical touch - Part 1

Okay I was encouraged to do a write up on Joan Ferguson's relationship with physical touch, so let's get into it. For simplicity's sake I'm going to be looking into how we see this play out first when she is the Governor and then when she is an inmate. Because of how long this ended up being, below will be part one, which covers her time as a governor (and before).

When we are first introduced to her in season 2 it is made clear immediately that she's at the very least averse to touch. The introductory act of putting on gloves in order to pull out the drugs from the laundry cart is meant to draw the audience's attention to the way in which she cares about her hands/cleanliness. While it could be assumed to just be a sign of professionalism that she does this, it is also our first indication in the show that she may have OCD. This relationship with gloves and cleanliness will of course come into play and be much more relevant later on in the show. In this same introductory episode we see her make a deal with a journalist and when offered a handshake to seal the deal there is a clear moment of hesitation before she does so, and then immediately sanitises her hands afterwards. This tells us that while she is capable of physical touch she clearly isn't comfortable with it - the immediate use of hand sanitiser offers another point into the contamination OCD being a reason for this.

So our first episode with Governor Ferguson clearly sets us up with the idea that she is presenting herself as an untouchable (both literally and figuratively) figure in the show. Through the next few episodes we regularly see that she will not accept physical touch from others, but will provide it herself in order to achieve her means. This is most often in the form of an awkward comforting gesture or, as we see with Vera in the second episode this season, a just-as-awkward brief moment of physical affection; specifically the way she pretends to both tipsily and playfully hit Vera across the shoulder in order to lower her guard and reveal information to her.

When she arrives at Vera's house unexpectedly to bring dinner for Vera and her sick mother, Joan presents herself in a very unassuming way and yet she is clearly the one in control in the situation; while she is technically a guest in Vera's house, she is the one who lets herself inside (after initially turning down Vera's offer) and she is the one who takes control of the kitchen, moving about and preparing food as if it were her own house. She seems entirely comfortable interacting with this unknown house, but we do see her fastidiously washing her hands in the kitchen - which is generally just good food/cooking hygiene but also could be a sign of her contamination OCD. Unlike her cleanliness at work (such as the hand satanising, or need to keep her desk organised) however, Vera doesn't take notice of any of Joan's behaviour in her kitchen as being strange. When she is being introduced to Rita for the first time Joan reaches out and clutches the dying woman's hand in what appears to be a comforting grasp, though as we see her then whisper something in Rita's ear that scares her, it's likely that the faux comforting gesture was also done as a means of physically holding power over the woman.

From her interactions with Vera in S2 outside of work it seems that Joan aims to present herself as untouchable at work, but is willing to present herself as more friendly, and therefore engage in rare physical affection, in order to achieve her goals. These moments however all need to be her own choice; she will actively avoid others touching her, but if she is control of a scenario then she may make the choice to physically touch someone.

From the limited context we have of her relationship with both her father and Jianna from seasons 2 & 3 we can infer that Joan has spent most of her life without physical affection. Though it is clear that she cared for Jianna during her time at Blackmoor, the moments of care we see shared between them are stilted and awkward. Having been raised with the understanding that emotions are a weakness and being unfamiliar with physical affection, it's clear to see that while Joan wants to care for Jianna she doesn't know how to. In these few interactions Jianna herself is the one initiating much of their affection; she is the one to grab Joan's hand and place it on her belly, and she's the one to offer Shane to Joan to hold. While Joan is clearly anxious to accept these moments of affection from Jianna, she does accept them. It's important to note here that she doesn't seem to be averse to touch in the way we are used to during these flashbacks, and her OCD compulsions may also not have been as severe then as they are when we meet her as Governor. It's only after she allows herself to accept this affection and care for someone else - to have emotions, and therefore be, according to her father, weak- that she then has to suffer through the loss of Jianna. It could stand to reason then that this loss is what aggravated her awkward relationship with physical affection to become the touch aversion that we are familiar with. Likewise, I think it could be argued that the stress of this loss may have triggered her OCD compulsions to get worse; in her mind there became a correlation between physical touch/affection and potential contamination/hurt.

By making it so that she is the one in control of any physical touch occurring with her, she is ensuring that she isn't appearing weak and more importantly that she isn't at risk of being hurt.

This all goes to establish where Joan is with her relationship with physical touch by the time we get to the end of season 2. Through the duration of season 3 we then get to see Joan's control over several facets of her life/persona begin to slip. As she is losing her sense of control over the prison so too does she struggle with her own self control.

While the full nature of Joan's torture of Jodie Spiteri is open for interpretation (due to us only seeing brief moments of it or hearing of it second hand) we do clearly see Joan physically soothing Jodie in one of the moments we do get to see. She cradles Jodie to herself and physically appears to be comforting her, juxtaposing the violence with which she is using her words against the inmate. In this moment we see her clearly weaponising physical affection by using it here to manipulate Jodie in order to help the effectiveness of her torture, however as we later see this tenderness return with other victims of hers I believe this is also an early example of how Joan's violent actions often are attempting to meet more than one of her needs at a time. Jodie clearly states that Joan treated her with moments of gentleness, and this (momentary) gentle treatment is the only of it's kind we have seen Joan engage in properly since Jianna. By physically soothing Jodie she is not only effectively manipulating the younger inmate, but she is also meeting her own needs for affection and touch, albeit with several layers of protection (both metaphorical and literal - her iconic gloves are worn as she cradles Jodie), so as not to compromise her sense of power/control.

For Joan, she needs to be in control at all times. Though there are rare times she allows herself to be touched, it is always in order to achieve a goal and within circumstances that she feels in control of. Because emotions led to mistakes she therefore cannot actively seek physical affection/comfort in the normal way one might. This means that the only times she can seek this out in moments where she feels that is entirely in control, such as in acts of violence.

Now it wouldn't really be an overview of Joan's relationship with physical touch in season 3 if I didn't at least mention the dinner scene in episode 3x08, The Goldfish. The dinner scene does initially seem similar to when Joan brought dinner to Vera's house in how Joan presents herself to Vera; she appears open and friendly to her deputy, while attempting to maintain control over their interaction. When Vera begins to visibly get emotional and accuses Joan of not caring for her, we see Joan struggle to reassure her that she does, before she ultimately reaches out a hand towards Vera in a comforting gesture. This attempt can be viewed in a few ways; the comforting gesture of a held hand seems to be one of the only ways she knows how to offer comfort to someone (as opposed to a hug for example), whether for genuine reasons or for achieving her goals. While attempting to console Vera in this moment does align with her goals of keeping her deputy on her side, the hesitation we see surrounding the gesture makes it seem more likely that she was being genuine. When grasping Rita's hand in the season earlier, she seems to have no hesitation at all, as it's all part of her plan for that evening. With Vera however, she clearly hesitates in the moment, just as she did when offering Jianna comfort. After years of believing that physical affection is a weakness, something she can weaponise towards others but never seek herself, she makes an attempt here with Vera to connect.

Unfortunately, when Vera reveals her positive Hep C status immediately after this significant moment for Joan, her contamination phobia is triggered. She pulls her hand away from Vera to grab a napkin, who interprets the action as one of disgust or rejection, and remains frozen in horror as Vera then leaves her. This again reinforces the idea for Joan that an attempt at genuine physical affection from or for her will inevitably result in her getting hurt; not only did her attempt at comforting Vera result in her (in her mind) unknowingly putting herself at risk of becoming infected, but by having unintentionally hurt Vera by pulling her hand away she then also is hurt herself through losing her deputy. When she is then rejected later again that same episode - this time by Doreen - Joan seeks comfort in the arms of her father; to be cradled like a child, and soothed with words of advice. As the ghost of her father cradles her, he reminds her that "this is what happens when you let emotions interfere," effectively blaming Joan's attempt at a connection with Vera/Doreen for the pain she is experiencing.

Feeling that she is losing control of the prison, her carefully crafted untouchable persona, and the deputy she unintentionally had grown to care for, these moments of rejection are the final straw which causes her to break down for the first (but not last) time this season. For the duration of the season, we have seen Joan strengthen the walls of her untouchable and harsh work persona even further. She offers little attempt at presenting herself as a caring person to anyone besides Vera, with the only exception being Doreen - who, to Joan, is effectively the ghost of Jianna*. Unable to seek or give affection to anyone in her life, we see the governor turn to the ghosts of her past in order to try to assuage her needs. This of course doesn't work in her favour, as Doreen will only reject her and Ivan isn't really there, and instead this only intensifies her downward spiral which culminates in the final episode of the season.

While Joan has the potential for overcoming her touch aversion, her fear of rejection or suffering is what stops her from being able to. This ideology of hers could have been successful challenged through her connection with Vera, however the season ends with Joan's perceived rejections and overall defeat only reinforcing this ideology. In the following seasons we will see her relationship with physical affection/touch stay bound by this ideology for the most part, until the final season of course. To accept or seek physical affection for genuine emotive reasons is to be weak, and can only end in her own suffering; but if she feels in control of a given scenario, if she is actively working towards a goal, only then may she chose to do so as part of working towards her given goal.

*this point on Joan's relationship with her past trauma/ghosts is something I may return to and explore more in depth/through the lens of Gothic literature. If anyone's interested in me doing this, please let me know!

[shelovesskiez]

What's love?

©-shelovesskiez

[o0-o0o0o]

■

[woahmaaan]

I'm working on a big new game! It's very early in development at the moment so for now, here's the silly main character walking around and stuff.

[hetalia-club]

This is my favorite tweet of all time btw I show it to everyone. Link to OG tweet