#our boyfriend is too pretty

[thelikesoffinn]

Something about this man in the Underdark.

I mean, he's always a looker but the lighting and the atmosphere of the Underdark just make him so unnecessarily pretty, I can't with him.

Someone call the pretty police, this should be illegal.

[confessedlyfannish]

DP x DC Writing Prompt #8

The day Bruce Wayne knocks on her apartment door Sam knows it's going to be a doozy.

"Mr. Wayne, I really do hope no one saw you," she says, ushering him in. "And for the record, a text ahead of time would be appreciated."

"I parked the car a few streets away," Bruce says, sticking a finger in his heel to peel his polished leather shoes off. Sam raises an eyebrow. "It's a sedan, not a Lamborghini."

"You own a sedan?"

"Taught Dick to drive in it...after he crashed the Lamborghini."

Sam snorts despite herself. The charm Bruce Wayne exhibits would usually rub her the wrong way, too reminiscent of wealthy men that feel comfortable placing a hand on the small of your back at a crowded gala, but Bruce is honest enough about his playacting that she has come to find its insincerity comforting. She's actually sought him out more than once, leading to several annoying headlines that can't seem to decide if she's aiming to date him or one of his eligible sons. None of whom are eligible by the way, as they are a) taken, b) legally dead, c) practically a minor, and d) an actual minor.

Sam's generational wealth is peanuts compared to Wayne Industries, so naturally her parents have been thrilled and rooting for option c.

"I also didn't want Danny to see I'd texted you. Or force you to lie to him."

Sam doesn't quite tense, but it's a near thing. She does slide to the other side of her kitchen island, under the context of finishing prepping her feta fried eggs, laid on a bed of smashed avocado and warm tortilla. She pulls a bottle of crunchy garlic oil out of the fridge and drizzles hot red crisps across the runny yolk. She takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully, not so much as offering him a glass of water.

"You realize, Mr. Wayne, I have no intention of lying to Danny now?"

Bruce sits at the stool on the opposite side of the island. "I understand. And if you want to ask Danny to return home before we continue, I'd understand that as well. I didn't mean to discomfit you--"

"Please do not lie to me now, Mr. Wayne," Sam says, rolling her eyes. "By your own admission you showed up at noon without warning knowing my superhero boyfriend wouldn't be present. If I am discomfited, all the more likely you get your information, right?" Golden yolk runs down her fingers, and she sacrifices it to the napkin rather than lick up her arm in front of her boss, with no small amount of resentment. The yolk is the best part.

"Get to it then," she demands.

Bruce straightens in his stool, chin raising and firming in a jawline she most often sees under a cowl. His eyes attempt to pin her in place, but Sam has stared the Master of Time in the face and demand he reschedule so she is built. different. She takes another bite of egg taco.

"I was not aiming for you to feel threatened, and moreover, I doubt you could be."

Except a smart person should always feel threatened by a threat, no matter their capability of handling one. It keeps them alive.

"Can you tell me how I'm not like all the other girls after lunch? You'll spoil my appetite."

Bruce clears his throat. "I'll get to the point--"

"Thank you."

"--Danny has been exhibiting paranormal behaviors beyond his baseline. We welcome all biologies; human, alien, and paranormal alike, but I have observed actions unlike what he had previously established as his, for lack of a better word, 'normal'

"I want to make sure he is not experiencing any unwelcome outside influence. Or, if this is merely a facet of his evolution, I'd like to know if this is something we or his family should be monitoring."

Sam has been an eco-consultant with Wayne Industries and unofficially, the Batfamily, for half a year now and this is the most she's ever heard the man speak in one sitting.

"Wow," she says. "How long have you been rehearsing that one?"

"A while." Bruce grunts, voice finally taking that final drop into Batman's gravelly rasp. "I see you're not surprised by any of this."

"No, not really," Sam says. She pours him a tall glass of lemon water from the pitcher, freshly sliced that morning, and he takes a polite sip.

"So what can you tell me?"

"Probably a lot. And Danny would probably prefer that I do, knowing him, the big baby," Sam sighs. "Listen Mr. Wayne, I can appreciate that you came here from a place of caution rather than intrusion. And if Danny was undergoing something negative or from an 'unwelcome outside influence' that would be the right call, and I, albeit begrudgingly, encourage you to do so in the future."

"But he's not."

"He's not," Sam confirms. "And in fact, I think he could really use someone to talk to about it. Outside of his family."

"I see..." Bruce says, shifting.

"If you want to tag team this one with one of the higher EQ players, such as Superman, I give you permission." Sam does not think she's imagining that slight sag of relief.

"Thank you," Bruce says, sliding off the stool. "I don't suppose you have material we could consult...?"

"Actually yes, I happen to have a pamphlet right here. 'So your ghostly body is changing, and how.'"

"You're being more sarcastic than usual."

"You interrupted my lunch, Mr. Wayne."

[faaun]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

[tomnookishot]

i’m so excited for adult swim hatoful boyfriend show im gonna shit my pants

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[cloudless-petrichor]

I had the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my life come into work tonight, she was tall and had long pink hair. She made eye contact and smiled at me every time I came by their table.

Then when her table left, she comes up to where I'm standing, leans over the bar and tells me where she works and to come in and see her so she could return the favour to me and serve me.

I had to stand in the kitchen with my head against the ice machine to calm down

[sydmarch]

just randomly remembered when at an old job we had this "team building day" where we all took a truffle making class & they gave out these nitrile gloves to wear but they were all so small & one of my friends who was a pretty tall guy w really big hands was trying to put the gloves on & getting REALLY mad about it but whispering quietly bcus the instructor was talking so in the quiet but angriest voice he's like "what the fuck is this.... gloves for toddlers..." & im there holding back tears to keep from laughing

[parlerenfleurs]

My beautiful boyfriend, all the time: Oh you're thinking about women, you want a woman, you wish I was a woman

Me, holding him, having just told him how sexy he is: ....

Me: You are aware I also like men, right?

Him: :)

Me: And you, specifically?

Him: :)))

[caninecowboy]

24 days!

[roaringroa]

so grateful that i managed to restrain myself from properly falling in love with my friend and contained my feelings to a common crush

[toyfrogs]

help 😀

[fingertipsmp3]

.

[phantomrose96]

With the Reddit 3rd party app crackdown and the ongoing horseshit Elon Musk is pulling with "X", I realize a lot of people here might be pretty new. So I put together a quick and easy guide for using Tumblr for anyone new who might need it.

Tumblr was made by David Karp and we call him Daddy around these parts (^///^)

You are not safe from fandom-gif attacks ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Speaking of fandoms, the tumblr fandoms are always ready to grab their [object] and go to war against the Beliebers ╰(*°▽°*)╯

The only safe refuge from fandom tumblr is with hipster tumblr. If you can get a cool alt-girl to take you under her wing, you might be safe... for now (●'◡'●)

You will watch the first episode of Supernatural... and then you're part of the Winchester family. (Or if you skip right to season 4, we don't blame you. It's where Destiel starts (*/ω＼*))

This is not a glomp-free zone ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Use missing e. It's the only way to make Tumblr useable on Internet Explorer (this is the most popular browser and you're probably using it right now) :-D

Our only adult-supervision is John Green... and even then does that REALLY count as supervision? DFTBA! φ(゜▽゜*)♪

Just this once, everyone lives. It's bigger on the inside. Elementary, my dear Watson.

If you see Misha Collins staring at you, the polite response is "Saving people, hunting things, the family business." O.O

I might lose followers for this, but this blog supports gay rights, and yours should too (14 gifs of Sherlock and The Hobbit)

Tumblr will teach you more about the world than you'll ever learn in school. ○( ＾皿＾)っ

Tread carefully... we have teh yaoiz O.o. Oh you don't know what that means? Well let's just say... it's full of lemons here.

If you see Hannibal Lector in a flower crown, tell him it looks very nice. His boyfriend Will Graham made it for him. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Do not enter the dog park. The dog park will not harm you.

[genekies]

screaming, tearing my hair out, sobbing face down on my bed

[be-good-to-bugs]

crying shouldnt cause headaches, thats just cruel honestly.

[mellomadness]

shameless gushing about my boyfriend you’ve been warned

Okay so my boyfriend has been growing out his hair recently, and OOOOOOOOOOOOOH my gOOOOOOOOOOOD it’s doing something for me. Not to say or insinuate any sort of attraction decline in the nearly 5 years we’ve been together, but this new hairstyle is LITERALLY giving me butterflies in my stomach, like I feel like I’m falling in love with him all over again. He’s a very handsome person to begin with, but he’s got the 90s Leonardo DiCaprio heartthrob type hairstyle like fucking Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet rn and I CANNOT get over how FUCKING AMAZING he looks 🥵🫠

plus—and I know he’s sensitive about this—he’s gained a fair amount of weight recently, and oOOOOoooooOoooOooOoOOOOOOOH LORD 🥵🥵🥵 I have to be careful because I know he’s not too fond of it, and he wants to lose weight (and has begun exercising more to achieve that) but. I don’t think he truly realizes how much I have to physically restrain myself every time he raises his arms up and I get a peek at his belly. I know the societal ideal is a muscly lean man—but I am not society and I am LOSING MY MIND over his body. He’s just so fucking perfect

And like. I’m supportive of his weight goals, I understand that he doesn’t feel comfortable being as big as he is—I don’t want him to ever be unhappy in his body. But. His body especially rn. Is just. So fucking attractive. I cannot stress this enough. I literally have to excuse myself sometimes bc he’s in work mode (he works from home) and I catch a glimpse of him stretching casually or smth and I gotta. I gotta go. I can’t or else he will never get work done

And like. I let him know every day how much I love him, how handsome he is, how fucking unbelievably sexy he is. But I always feel like my words are so fucking understated compared to the FERAL SCREAMING GOBLIN in my brain every time I see him—which is all day every day bc we live together and we both barely leave

Anyway. I love this man so much. Not just his body obviously—we’re almost 5 years in, that would be supremely shallow—but when we started dating he was a solid 9/10 if I were to rate him. Now? He’s regularly breaking the scale, casually, and I don’t think he understands how often his beauty absolutely fucking DEVASTATES me