#parker says things

[tricksterlatte]

New story idea: We begin with the son of famous athlete Tom Brady, years after the NFL player himself went missing. Our protag, let’s call him Tom Brady Jr., is now a beloved sportsball player in his own right, but always lives in his father’s shadow. As a result, Tom Jr. resents him. One day, his home stadium and city are attacked by a space whale mid-match, and as a result he is isekai’d to another world.

There he finds out technology is mostly forbidden, and cultic religion reigns supreme, but football is still real! Everything is okay because ball is life. He meets new friends and overhears that a local girl, the daughter of Jesus the 84th, is about to embark on a race to become Jesus the 85th. So he tags along. They grow closer and closer with every passing day, forming a bond because they both understand growing up in your father’s shadow.

Then our football loving son finds out Tom Brady is this world’s evil space whale, who keeps destroying every city in his wake, though Tom Jr. has no clue why. After this, the Pope is assassinated and replaced by an incel Pope, who wants to marry Jesus the 85th so they can perish together. So they all kill the incel Pope, and later they kill him two more times just to be sure! Tom Jr. finds out Jesus the 85th will be dying for everyone’s sins and he doesn’t like that, but later finds out this will accomplish nothing in the long run. Their dads and friends prepared them for this! They kill the concept of sin, and also god, and a bunch of other gods, and now Jesus the 85th is just some girl again.

Unfortunately, Tom Brady Jr. was a Bible fanfic character all along, written into existence after the apocalypse wiped out computers and everything except football. As a result, he fades from existence, because god kinda kept him alive. He fades away, along with his samurai godfather, after jumping off the top of an airplane, and Jesus the 85th is left behind with her goth best friend, another football player who helped kill the pope with his favorite football, a furry, and her cousin.

Anyways I love Final Fantasy X.

[glovelylovely]

the parallel between jade and jasprose is wild actually. they both lost a creature who they loved and who loved them so that they could become a part of them. in both cases it wasn't intentional, but they'll never have that creature in their lives ever again. in jasprose's case there can still exist a mutual communication and harmony between the two parts, at least, but you can't deny that the special bond between a lesbian and their cat is entirely turned upsidown when the cat is a literal part of you.

[iwasbored777]

Whenever I feel bad I remember that Peter B was depressed af but he found joy in shipping Gwen and Miles and that he was the first person in the whole multiverse that shipped them

[hedonistbyheart]

Mutations make you super hungry

[tasteofchaos2005]

went & saw the new spiderverse movie the other night & have been thinking abt Gerard’s interview abt creating peni parker since then. little lady…….

[suddenrundown]

[biioshocker]

one of the top peter parker meangirl moments was when, mere moments after meeting deadpool, he’d already diagnosed and administered such an insanely targeted takedown that even wade wilson didn’t have an immediate comeback for it— calling him maidenless, bulky, bumbling, and unmarketable all in a single breath like good lord peter don’t even know the guy but in milliseconds he’d managed to pinpoint and pounce on like 6 different emotional vulnerabilities

he’s so insane i never want to meet him

[leverage-ot3]

no but the hivemind-like exchange between parker and eliot in the rundown job when they are pinned in the subway car and the bioweapon bomb is about to go off

in the beginning of s4 in the long way down job they went to great lengths to firmly establish that to some extent, parker and eliot think the same way. they are able to make those calculations, take those risks, do what needs to be done to protect the ones they love above all else

it’s what makes them them

and in that moment, the three of them are pinned down under the rage of a psychotic gunman and the bomb is seconds away from going off, which would mean thousands and thousands of people would most likely die and only they are the ones that can stop it.

and more importantly, hardison is there, right beside them, and he would die too if the bomb went off and that was something they couldn’t accept. not now, not ever. there is no plan m.

so eliot gives parker a look and a nod, and she kisses hardison for the luck she’s never needed before and they jump into action. eliot steps into the line of fire to cover parker (always, forever. ‘til his dying day) and she runs off to neutralize the bomb at the very last second.

hardison is horrified and terrified for them but it’s what they do, who they are, it’s what makes them them and parker and eliot have that same deep understanding to know that

[traincat]

every time someone posts about peter parker's girl problems without any hint of irony and acting like he's never held so much as held a woman's hand without breaking into hives I'm like so we're just lying about things we haven't read now aren't we. don't make me post him and MJ getting freaky on the floor.

[ikiprian]

if there’s a superhero out there who is maintaining a secret identity, please know i WILL be trans allegory-ing you in my head. this goes double if you’re a teenager with at least one living parent (or parent-adjacent), triple if the parent doesnt quite “get it.” if you havent been transed yet i promise i havent skipped you, you’re in the queue, just wait your turn

[tricksterlatte]

I love Persona 5 because it’s one of my favorite types of media, which is, “We tried so hard to make this ooze coolness that it still wound up cool, but also accidentally campy.”

Your demonic true self wears knife heels and a corset and transforms into a snatched waist satanic entity with a gun. Your band of merry men dress like they’re repping leather pride at the gay pride parade. Black Mask’s bodysuit is literally the leather pride flag. Yusuke Kitagawa is there.

[glovelylovely]

yes ult dirk worded this rlly stupid, but i don't think we talk enough about the epilogues implying she/they jade.

[theshadowrealmitself]

Back to the Spiderman au I have where Peter has radioactive venom and accidentally bites Miles when the kid is trying to help him, and because he’s so full of guilt at accidentally doing this to the kid (especially in one of those universes where people absolutely hate the x-men and stuff, being mutated might ruin that person’s life), he takes him under his wing to teach him everything about his new powers and before he knows it, Miles is working alongside him as a new hero

For that au, I’m now thinking about that version of Peter trying to rescue Gwen, and in the end the only thing that can help her is for her to be turned, so he shares his venom, and to Peter it’s this incredibly horrible event where he’s dragged another person into this life of being mutated, but Miles, who is next to him and has never once been unhappy about gaining powers, is like “welcome to the web warriors!!! you’re one of us now!!! :D”

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: When I die, I hope I'm on Buzzfeed unsolved

Bucky: It's not as great as it sounds, you have to hear all the bullshit theories people make up.

Peter:...

Bucky: OH! You meant you want no one to know how YOU died!

Peter:... yu-huh

[iwasbored777]

"But why did Gwen push Miles away like that if she loves him so much?" You ask as if in the same movie we didn't watch her father, the person she loves more than anything and the person that she thought that loves her more than anything, disown her right away because he learned one thing about her that he didn't like.

[sincericida]

ANDREW GARFIELD

all black in Valentino - at the GQ Men of the Year Party 2023 | at Bar Marmont, in LA - 11/16/2023

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