#personal ish post

[noodlearg]

i really wanna see an rhps shadowcast againnnnnn it’s only been 6 months since the last time i went but idk i’ve been obsessing over it lately

[fence-time]

I think the very few interactions they have together are so silly

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

[uncanny-tranny]

I love love love when trans women* give advice to trans men* about """manly""" things and when trans men* return that kindness with advice about """womanly""" things. I love the intracommunity commitment to supporting each other <<3

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

joking aside, I love this site. I have learned so much from this site. I have received so much love and support from this site, and I hope to be here for years to come (especially now that we accidentally won Least Worst Social Media Platform, despite our very best efforts)

that being said, taking a break was really helpful for me mentally. it made me realize how much pressure I was putting on myself to keep people entertained so they would like me. I'm talking like, 'rereading & editing a single dumb shitpost a dozen times a day' levels of overthinking.

So yeah: I love it here, I plan to keep making people (and myself) laugh, but going forward I'm going to be putting less pressure on myself to be as entertaining/active as i used to aim for. Less "I choked on my gogurt" levels of humor, more "sensible chuckle." (sometimes I may even indulge in a joke that purposefully fails to resonate with the audience! it will be quite a mischievous little treat for me 🤭.)

anyways please be patient if my posts lack a certain pizzazz going forward. the pizzazz is out of stock. no there is none in the back room. the pizzazz is on back order ok. no I'm not paying for expedited shipping. our supplier is experiencing a shortage. pizzazz is a controlled substance, do you have no understanding of the paperwork involved? piss off with your piddling pizzazz

TLDR if you think my posts were mediocre before just u wait sweetheart you ain't seen nothing yet. (they are going to get worse. what I'm saying is they are going to get even more underwhelming. i feel good about this.)

[ruporas]

only human

[ID: Two page comic in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The first page has a black background and the upper half, behind the panels, is splattered with stylized red blood, scattered bullets, and lifeless hands. In the first panel, it focuses on Vash's boots, showing him stepping through the panel and into the bloody scene. The second panel shows his bloody footprints and the third panel shows his face, his down-turned eyes looking downwards. It's a neutral, vague expression with confliction. At the bottom of the page, the back of Wolfwood's head and shoulder is seen, blood dirtying the white color of his shirt and side of his face. Vash's hand reaches out to him from the right side of the page.

The second page shows the entire scene in full, half the page in light and the other in solid black. At the center, Vash leans down onto his knees as he wraps his arms around Wolfwood's shoulders into a hug. Wolfwood's back is turned away from the viewer, his left arm holds onto his bloodied punisher and his right hand sits on his lap. Light casts from the left side of the page, showing the bloodied surrounding, but the held up punisher casts a shadow on the both of them, shielding them from the light. END ID]

[taikk0]

the unspoken broflovski family curse

[violent138]

Might write a fic where Dick from a different universe accidentally universe-jumps and runs into Jason, who's still the younger brother he's on pretty great terms with, and tries to discreetly puzzle out how his Jason becomes Red Hood while trying get back and Jason plays along, nearly totally convinced that this isn't the Dick he knows, especially once he dials Bludhaven, but it's immensely funny convincing this far more trusting and close version of his brother that in this world, Bruce has gone evil and Jason's one of the only people working to stop him.

[y-rhywbeth2]

I have been thinking on the prayer for forgiveness that broke us all, and an alternate interpretation of Durge's self-flagellation came to me - it may have more to do with Durge's desperation for Bhaal's approval (and fear of his disapproval) than Bhaal actually giving much of a damn.

While Bhaal doesn't necessarily like the fact that his property is "admiring" one of his old frenemy's pawns, I don't know that he's that emotionally invested either. Durge is encouraged to take lovers (no matter if you get the bad bad ending or the good bad ending, Durge's "duty" involves making more Bhaalspawn, and biology isn't an obstacle). Durge is also permitted to gild their cage, it seems. You're only forced to kill your lover as a punishment, Bhaal doesn't like your stupid mushy feelings or any of your friends, but he's happy to have something to hold over their head. If Durge has things they want and love, Bhaal has things to threaten and break if they struggle against the leash.

Canonically Bhaal "encouraged the pursuit of personal wealth and hobbies" amongst his followers, as long as they don't put their desires before his and it doesn't interfere with their obligations to him. If you fuck around for too long without making the decision to spare/kill Isobel, Sceleritas drops in with "It is rather loathly of Sceleritas to disrupt your romp, but I cannot allow the Master to forget duty, and keep carousing like this." So Durge is allowed to go "carousing", technically.

Even when you meet Gortash, unlike Orin (who you get a whole vision directing you to kill) and with Ketheric (who has the Urge hissing and spitting venom), the Urge is rather quiet. The only opinion Bhaal has on this is the reminder that there will be no ruling the world with Gortash because that would conflict with his plans for you.

It's entirely possible that Bhaal really doesn't care enough about Durge as long as they're doing what they're supposed to, and is either wholly indifferent or at worst merely irritated by the concept of durgetash. Meanwhile the possibility of their father's disapproval or the slightest hint of it is enough to turn Durge into a nervous wreck. So they overcompensate; they're in a state of penitence every night - they're good, they're loyal, they're obedient, they put Father first above all things. Please don't hurt me. Please don't take away the things I love yet. Please still love me.

[brookheimer]

one of the saddest parts of succession ending is the end of these terrible video essay thumbnails. honest to god will easily be one of the most devastating disappearances of an art form in modern history

[noodlearg]

I don’t know how Alice Oseman keeps doing it.

To portray so many stories that so many different people can relate to in such a beautiful way…

Heartstopper really is something beautiful.

For example, I lost my father when I was eleven years old. Tao lost his father when he was twelve. He doesn’t really mention it much, but he’s carried it with him for years. And when he does mention it, he doesn’t like when people make a big deal of it. This is so, so, so accurate to my personal experience. Like obviously I’m still sad about losing him, but it’s just a part of me now. And I don’t like to dwell on it.

I just really love how Alice (and Will Gao) portrayed that little detail.

[jash-updates]

Most normal energy drink consumer

[shadow-the-crow]

Michael never really fit in anywhere. Maybe that's part of why i like him so much. Or maybe i'm just projecting lol – but hear me out.

Michael Shelley maybe really didn't have a purpose in life. Maybe doing research on his trauma was all he had. He was too good, too pure for his human life - a life that probably just wasn't great in general.

Now other people without other purpose in life than supernatural trauma reasearch become happy fulfilled avatars, like Mike Crew. But Mike Crew chose to serve his entity. Michael, on the other hand, was sacrificed to an entity that didn't fit him, that was the opposite of him. He was naive and kind and would never lie to anyone, and the Spiral is the incarnation of gaslighting and lies. Which means the Spiral wasn't good for him, but he also couldn't become a good Spiral avatar vessel. Helen seems to be able to coordinate humanity and inhumanity. Michael wasn't, because Michael Shelley wasn't made for becoming this.

In general - i'm still thinking about how Gertrude stopped the ritual by making Michael the Distortion. Maybe it was just because it disturbed the ritual and it needed to get used to its new identity. Or maybe it was because Michael just wasn't a good distortion. He wasn't strong or talented or spirally enough to complete the ritual. God, i made him tragic.

I gotta say: This seems to contradict what i’ve said before, but i’m only talking about Michael and Michael Shelley as one person to simplify this. What i really mean is the Distortion could never be good at being itself while having Michael’s mind.

Can you imagine? Not only being tied to the embodiment of your failure, but still being your failure. Thinking with a mind that represents the opposite of what you are, that contradicts your very essence. That stops you from living up to your full potential, that stops you from being good at being you.

[mikuyuuss]

I love that Mitsuri is a little silly and stupid at times, shes a girlboss AND a girlfailure to me <3 but apparently there are some people that genuinely dislike her for those things? I understand Mitsuri's character isn't for everyone, BUT WAIT, HEAR ME OUT.

I've always had this headcanon that Mitsuri had a somewhat sheltered childhood growing up, since In the Rengoku Gaiden, she randomly got discriminated by a stranger for her hair color, so I can only imagine that she probably got that on a daily basis.

I'm sure Mitsuri's parents don't enjoy seeing their eldest daughter bring harassed, so perhaps they might have coddled her a bit. Maybe that could explain why Mitsuri comes off as childish, innocent or """"stupid"""" as many people would say. For me, it's more like her personality just screams "sheltered kid", through no fault of her own tho.

(this is taken from the second fanbook, translated by @/violetheart08)

The fact that she's happy to have friends at the corps, suggests to me that she probably didn't have many friends growing up, she most likely got bullied too, and if that's the case, it's understandable that she can come across as overly friendly and excitable whenever she's befriending new people.

She's actually socially awkward like Giyuu, but just on the opposite end of the spectrum lol, that's why I love them both.

But still, it's not that Mitsuri is straight up incompetent. She's very creative and thinks outside of the box with her breathing style. She also adapts pretty well in high stress situations, we saw this in swordsmith arc, but also we see this very clearly in the Rengoku Gaiden too.

The fact that it only took her two years to become a hashira shows that she has a level of discipline to attain that title. Not only did Rengoku trained her well, this is also no feat that a truly "stupid" person can achieve.

The reason why I have this particular headcanon about Mitsuri is because some families do put A LOT of importance on reputation, especially asian families, when their kids start showing traits that would make them "different" they tend to "hide" the kids in order to protect their reputation so they won't lose their chances at marriage.

(Though I'm not saying all asian families are like this. This is mostly just based on my personal experience that I won't elaborate further)

It reminded me of this scene, when Mitsuri's family suggested that she can just stay with them forever when she was worried that she won't be able to find someone. I love Mitsuri's parents and they are VERY GREAT for their time, but also this is really relatable to me personally :(

And given how marriage was such a big deal in Taisho era, I imagine that it was a mixture of that and the pressure to conform and protect their daughter at the same time that led me to imagine that Mitsuri probably had a sheltered lifestyle.

And you know it's possible that I'm wrong about all of these lmao, but just the fact that she has a comparably normal childhood is a good enough reason as to why she's more positive and naive compared to her peers. I know this is all just a headcanon, but I do wish people can be a bit more considerate towards Mitsuri before hating on her for being "loud" "stupid" and "annoying"

[voylitscope]

The way I am insulted by this email I got after I watched CA:TWS last night:

Hey, did you enjoy Captain America: The Winter Soldier? Did you enjoy Steve Rogers as a character? Did you enjoy literally anything about Steve and Bucky's relationship? Well, we actually hate when people like those things. We hate it so much that we're going to suggest you watch MCU movies in an order that makes absolutely no sense and would confuse you deeply if you really did it. We're going to suggest you make a totally illogical jump in films and watch Endgame next!

Like, I don't really think that whatever algorithm Disney+ uses to send out these marketing emails takes any of that into account. But. For fuck's sake.

[catholickedd]

because “to someone from a warm climate” is so insanely full of love and adoration and tenderness and oh my god i remember the feeling so well how can hozier capture the most niche feelings and make them stir inside you and grow like a tempest until you feel it aching to escape your throat in the form of a song