#personally i think they could make better with this situation and try to implement a dashboard customization system

[sonoda-oomers]

also i surfed cyle's blog a bit bc i desperately want an out of despair and looks like this new dashboard UI has a feedback collection deadline. it's 50-50 on whether it's here to stay for now so i guess. that is a bit better. do give them feedback though if you really don't want it

[thefandomsfervent]

Viktor x Reader Personal Pigments(Part 17) - Prussian Blue

This is a jayvik x reader fic now but it'll still be labeled as a Vik Fic until it's fully implemented. Ft. JayVik and wine, drunk Jayvik, it goes 18+ here (masturbation). Find my imagine that inspired it here. Previous and next chapter will be linked at the bottom. It's late, I was on a roll, and I didn't proofread this a whole lot, I'll edit it later.

Planning on writing as much as I can this weekend to post in bulk before Christmas week, I'll be traveling a distance away and can't bring my laptop with me.

stay tuned and Thank you for reading <3

╔═*✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧-✦-✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧*═╗

It only took you thirty minutes to find your way back to the lab. Although, those first few minutes had you stressed and embarrassed. You and Mel had spent almost two hours walking and talking and you thought she had taken you all over the Academy, but she really had you both walking laps. You were closer to the dining hall than you thought, from there you were able to find your room, and then the lab. Just as you walk up to that heavy door it swings open. 

“Zlato, please, use your feet.” It’s Viktor, doing his best to keep Jayce above the floor. You rush forward without thinking and get under Jayce’s other arm to prop him up. You have to drop your pouch and your sketchbook. It gets kicked behind you into the lab once you’re able to stand taller. 

“What happened?” You’re asking as you shift Jayce between yourself and Viktor. He’s laughing to himself at the situation. “Oh my gods. He was drunk. Jayce Talis sensible golden boy was drunk.” You remember the wine that Mel had gifted them. But it had only been two hours. Three and half maybe? 

“The wine was stronger than we thought.” When you look at Viktor you see his hair is tousled, his cheeks red from exertion or his own drinking you aren’t sure. 

“Did he have the whole bottle?” You’re laughing and trying not to. The shaking of your shoulders makes it hard to keep Jayce up straight. “Hun you have to help us help you okay?” 

“Mmm you’re both warm. ‘S nice.” You were not letting him live this down tomorrow, if he wasn’t suffering a raging hangover. 

“He had four glasses, too close together I think.” Viktor is adjusting his cane straighter with one hand and moving his shoulders around to get a better grip on Jayce’s back with his other. 

“And you?” 

“I also had four, but I am much better with alcohol than he is.” He thinks back to the first time they had drank together. Some whiskey that was spiced heavily at a cocktail lounge many many months ago. Viktor had enjoyed it, nursing a glass for the first thirty minutes. But Jayce? He slammed it and immediately gagged. Coughing and sputtering. That one drink alone had almost knocked him clean on his ass ten minutes later. He’s laughing at the memory. Especially when he remembers that Jayce made the exact same mistake another ten minutes after drinking a seltzer and they had to sit on the curb outside nursing water. Since then Jayce had learned how to pace himself, learned that he preferred drinks that did not burn his throat and were easier to sip on. Wine was hit or miss. “The wine was sweet, so he was not as cautious as he should have been.”

“WE ARE CELEBRAATING!” The sudden input from Jayce surprised you both. Despite his jelly legs his arms are strong, squeezing the two of you closer. He wasn’t yelling, as much as he was whisper screaming.

“Oh! Congratulations, a new development?” You’re following Viktor’s lead as you take patient steps down the hall. Viktor looks down to Jayce, whose face is flush from all the wine, who has a smile so bright it could be seen in the dark, and who is actively starting to fall asleep in their arms. They needed to move him quickly before he was dead weight. At that point it would be impossible to move him even with your help. There was no time to explain what they were celebrating.

“Yes, a new development.” He can’t help the gentle grin growing on his face. It was so warm. This endearment blooming in his ribs, the wine finding its place throughout his body, feeling your arm against his as you help him haul Jayce down the hallway. He can see their rooms. His was closest and Jayce’s was a couple doors down. There were many reasons he was thankful for the proximity of their moved rooms, but now more than ever. His hand using his cane was starting to go numb from the pressure, a pain shooting up his arm into his shoulder. “Here, to the left. Can you get him to the wall?” Jayce is heavy but you manage to move him to the wall by yourself, needing a breather as you slump against it with him. 

He looks sleepy. Eyes struggling to stay open, his mouth parted, his usually perfect combed back hair disheveled.. “Pretty boy indeed.” You’re brushing it out of his face when he leans into your hand. He’s smiling, white teeth and happiness blinding even in the dim light of the hall. “You alright?”

“Neveerr betterrr.” It’s a slurred breathy reply and he slots his head against your shoulder. Viktor is glancing at you while also fiddling with a ring of keys. The clinking sound of metal against metal echoing in the hallway. He finds the one for Jayce’s room and starts unlocking the door. He nods at you to try and get Jayce to his feet. 

“Hey big guy, you ready to get up again?” Jayce just hums, pushing the back of his head against the wall now. “Don’t you want to lay down all cozy in bed?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“Okay then I’m going to get up and I’ll need you to come with me. Can you do that?” Jayce gives another hum of agreement and Viktor watches how gentle you are with him. Helping him stand gingerly, holding onto his waist with one arm, and pulling Jayce’s arm over your shoulder again. Intertwining your fingers with his golden partner’s as you try your damndest to get him through the door. He watches as you give Jayce affirming words and praise for just moving forward with you. It pulls at his core, at all the things him and Jayce had discussed tonight. At all the moments that have been shared. “I’m a sappy drunk,” he thinks as he directs you to Jayce’s bedroom. Viktor pulls the covers back on the bed and lets you set the man down before he sits with him. Helping him take off his shoes. 

“Thank you for your help. I am sure he will apologize tomorrow.” Jayce is leaning against Viktor, whispering something you can’t catch. 

“I can’t say I won’t give him a hard time.” You laugh at the thought, then again when Jayce’s hand is slapped away from Viktor’s tie. It almost dies in your throat when you watch Viktor’s slender fingers work at Jayce’s. You know it’s to help Jayce get ready for bed, but after all that you’ve seen today it was an image you weren’t sure you were supposed to be burning into your memory like you are. “Goodluck. I’ll be in the hall if you need help.” Viktor just nods, trying to get Jayce to sit still as you leave.

You can hear Viktor talking to Jayce, instructing him as you close the bedroom door. Jayce’s apartment is neat but lived in. It smelled a little of oil? And baked spices. A jacket tossed over a couch, shoes neatly lined by the front door. A table with notes and blueprints that looked similar to how he kept his own room. Stacks of books filled with sticky notes. There are a few plants around. A guitar? So much information about a person in one space. It made you wonder about Viktor’s room. If it was neater than this knowing that he barely spent any time there. As you make your way into the hall you remember that Viktor had a key, on his own key ring, to Jayce’s place. So intimate, the care they had for each other. So sweet in its normalcy. A feeling brews in your chest as you wait by the door. Overwhelming and unknown, something akin to wanting. 

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“You are drunk Jayce.” Viktor is trying his hardest to not laugh at the man in front of him, struggling to unbutton his own shirt. 

“ ‘know that.” An irritated huff, an uncommon sound for his partner. “ ‘m trying.” 

“I know you are, let me help.” It takes a few minutes to get Jayce set up for bed. Viktor leaves him in his undershirt, let’s Jayce take care of his pants despite the struggle. There’s a want brewing in him. He wants to stay here, to hold him til he sleeps, be there with water and maybe a pain reliever when he wakes up. But he doesn’t. He ignores the whine in Jayce’s throat when he goes to the kitchen to get his partner water. When he returns Jayce is out cold. Snoring softly under the covers. He leaves the water on the bedside table, watching the even breathing that moves Jayce’s chest. A hand moves to cup his cheek, rubbing a circle into the apple of it. Viktor’s heart swells when he feels the weight of Jayce push into it unconsciously. 

He joins you in the hallway shortly after. You were staring at the wall in front of you, zoning out when the closing of the door snaps you out of it. 

“Hey, he alright?” You’re leaning forward, hands by your side as you face him.

“He will be fine. Embarrassed, but fine.” Viktor was tired, the wine making him sleepy and warm. He starts walking towards his room and you follow. 

“Didn’t think he’d be a lightweight. It’s kinda-” cute. You don’t finish the sentence but it seems like Viktor agrees with you, laughing softly as his cane taps against the floor. 

“Unexpected. I did not know either when we first met. He will deny it though, if you ask it. Blames it on anything else.” He likes hearing you laugh. He likes knowing he caused it. He frowns when he realizes how short the walk is to his room. You would be leaving now. “Goodnight Ms. L/N. We shall see you in the lab tomorrow, yes?” 

“Yes. Goodnight Viktor.” Your voice is so soft, so sweet. Viktor watches as you walk down the hall, flipping through all the keys he has before finding the one for his door. He hadn’t gone to bed this early in a long time. It wasn’t even ten o’clock and he was already in his room getting ready to shower. Discarding clothes, finding ones for tomorrow. Brushing his teeth as the shower heats up. 

When he steps in it fogs up the window over his sink. The warm water soothing the aches of his body. He goes over today’s events as he lathers a shampoo through his hair. How Jayce’s teasing of you led to teasing him. And now they were… together. Officially. Finally declared as two parts of a whole, and that they both wanted you. He thinks about the wine. How it was sweet and rich and strong. How it was sweeter on Jayce when he kissed him again. How pliant Jayce was in his hands, the heat of those broad shoulders in his palms. The sounds of their kissing, teeth clacking, lips hungrier after every glass. 

He should be rinsing the soap out of his hair, he should be washing his body. The routine of putting soap to a washcloth, rubbing it between his hands to form suds lingers in the back of his mind as he continues to think of those kisses. How he could taste fermented fruit and cinnamon and Jayce. A different familiar memory cuts through the haze, much stronger this time. Of release, of teasing touches from past lovers. His imagination taking over. When Jayce tried to bed him would he touch him the same way? The shower is getting hotter, the wine on his breath despite having brushed his teeth. When he tried to bed you, would you react like he did? Would you feel the same that he and Jayce did, would you want them together? 

His hand was moving lower, lower, lower. He could feel it happening, the blood moving down, the water against it but he is surprised at how hard he is. When he moves his hand down, the tip moving past the opening of his fist he imagines your lips. How would they feel on him,  would you be experienced enough to wet them before starting. The image of you on your knees alone has him moving faster but then his thoughts wander. Would you start slow or would you try to take him all at once? Could he fist both of his hands in your hair and hold you there so could he fuck your mouth.  Or would you take the lead,  bobbing your head up and down. He imagines your hands holding it or maybe braced on his hips, fingers digging into the flesh. Would Jayce talk you through it once he knew what worked for Viktor?

He can feel it building, all too quickly.  It's been a while since he indulged himself like this.  A raspy breath falling from his chapped lips. You were so soft. Sweet. Your voice. Quiet and gentle. Would it be honeyed with a returned lust or would it be strained? Dazed like that morning he woke you? "Viktor?" It’s your voice. It’s Jayce’s. The intensity almost knocks him off balance, free hand bracing on the tiled wall as he finishes. Shooting forward onto the handles of the shower. A long burst followed by several short ones as he slows his hand. Twitching when he lets himself go.

And then the only fog he's left with is the steam of the shower. He felt faint, the shower water was too hot and he hadn't been taking full breaths. He turns a handle to make the shower cold and his hand is sticky with his release. Shame. Regret. Oh. What did he just do? He wants to blame it on Jayce’s teasing today. On the glass of wine that warmed his chest. But he knows that's not it. That it's his own depravity.

Well, he could blame all of those things. Embarrassment burns his cheeks more than the water, more than the wine. He hadn’t indulged in that in so, so long. And the realization that there would be something with Jayce in the future settles in his chest. That Jayce wouldn’t be upset with him for this. He takes a deep breath. 

More thoughts for later. Exhaustion is deep in his bones now, it had been a long day despite coming to his room early. He needs to sleep, to clean up. He lathers the rag on the hook and enjoys the rest of his shower. Tomorrow will be a new day. A good day. 

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-------------.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙-Part 16-.-Part 18·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .----------------

------------‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙· Master Fic List *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊--------------

[loassbarbie]

The science behind "Act as If": it's actually a CBT technique

Although science has yet to prove the 3D manifesting effect of the Law of Assumption, the “act as if” manifestation technique we so very often read about and practice does have some research support as a cognitive-behavioral intervention.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has long been a cornerstone of modern psychology and psychotherapy, offering individuals practical tools to understand and improve their mental well-being. "Act As If" has emerged as a powerful and transformative intervention technique.

"Act As If" is a behavioral strategy that encourages individuals to consciously adopt the mindset and behaviors of the person they aspire to become, even when faced with self-doubt or challenging circumstances. Whether you're seeking to enhance your self-esteem, overcome obstacles, or simply better understand the inner workings of your mind, the "Act As If" approach can be a valuable addition to your mental health toolkit.

🎀 Why "Act As If" Works (in psychology, anyway)

At its core, the "Act As If" technique is a cognitive-behavioral strategy designed to encourage individuals to adopt the mindset and behaviors of the person they want to be. It is rooted in several core principles that guide its implementation. "Act As If" requires individuals to consciously act as though they have already achieved their goals, even when they may doubt their abilities or face daunting challenges. This helps build self-confidence and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the mind and body work in tandem to manifest positive change.

The theoretical underpinnings of "Act As If" are deeply intertwined with self-perception theory - people infer their own attitudes, emotions, and abilities by observing their own behaviors. In the context of "Act As If," this means that by consistently engaging in the behaviors associated with their goals, individuals can alter their self-perception, ultimately reinforcing their self-belief.

🎥🎲 The Role of Role-Playing

By immersing oneself in the character of the person they want to become, individuals can better understand and internalize the attitudes and behaviors required for success. Role-playing provides a practical and hands-on approach to "Act As If," allowing individuals to experiment with different mindsets and behaviors and assess their impact on their self-perception and real-life outcomes.

We often engage in "self-sabotage," acting ineffectively despite knowing better ways of handling difficult situations. There are many reasons for this, and one is our dysfunctional, automatic thoughts. Thoughts like "I won't succeed no matter how hard I try" or "I can't do this" can hinder our actual abilities to do something well.

For example: you believe you are too overweight to go to the gym and not feel bad about yourself, or you don't believe you can actually lose the weight you need. When you let these kinds of thoughts influence your behavior, you might find yourself avoiding situations you find intimidating for thinking they're not for someone like you, or believing it's a lost cause. "Acting as if" can help alter these dysfunctional thoughts. Instead of engaging with these thoughts, "acting as if" might have you engaged in all of the activities someone who believed they could succeed would engage in: for instance, making an appointment with a personal trainer, which would result in more accountability, a better ability to perform exercises correctly, and a more rewarding experience overall. If you were out of shape before, "acting as if" can help you get in shape sooner.

The catch in the "act as if" technique is that we can use it even if we are 100% sold on our dysfunctional automatic thoughts. We don't have to wait until our thoughts change to step into the role we'd prefer. We instead step into the role, which can result in our thoughts changing more quickly and more permanently. Better yet, we don't have to wait for the law to kick in before we get what we want.

🧸👩🏻‍🏫Steps for "Acting As If"

💭Step 1: Identify the automatic thought or dysfunctional belief that is getting in your way.

🔄Step 2: Identify all of the things you would do if you believed the exact opposite of that thought to be successful in your goal.

🎭Step 3: Rehearse those behaviors: Act as if. Literally role-play. You can do it talking to yourself when you are alone, you can do it in your head during mindless moments of the day; you can even do it with your eyes closed, laying in bed, and visualize yourself engaging in those behaviors. The point is to be familiar enough with the behaviors that you can use them without thinking about them too much.

🎬Step 4: "Act as if" some more. Rehearse the behaviors some more. Maybe get more creative (start dressing up as the person you want to be, make a journal of all the things that happened on your role playing day, don't feel stupid - no one has to know anyway!)

💁🏻‍♀️Step 5: Engage in the behaviors you rehearsed. Each time a dysfunctional thought comes to mind, smile at it, and continue as planned.

By following this you may, at the very least, come across more confidently. Most people find that in practicing this regularly, they start to disbelieve the self-defeating thoughts. Having several experiences of success is a great way to undo the assumption that you will always fail. And after a while, there's no "acting" necessary. ;)

[thatsailormoonkinnie]

Can we just chill??

ok, so, this is my first time being in a big fandom that isn’t like dead, in a WHILE. Safe to say, I forgot how toxic and draining it can be. Like I’m just trying to enjoy things I like and hang out with people who just wanna vibe. But like all the mis-tagged posts and the yelling at each other (mostly over shipping) is just so tiring. I don’t post much, if at all, but like I just need to say something at this point.

I’m a shipper. I love shipping. But omg can we stop trying to kill each other!? Like maybe it’s cause I’m a multi-shipper, but like Ive never understood shipping wars or hating on other ships. For example I don’t like Zaundads (nothing against Zaundads shippers), it’s not my thing, I personally see them as brothers because they are meant to be parallels for Vi and Jinx. But that doesn’t mean I go out of my way to bother Zaundads shippers when they’re doing nothing but enjoying their ship!! Like I was happy for them that they got more content in 2x07! And if for whatever reason you really just CANT..just block it…don’t make that someone else’s problem…?

And the Christian Linke thing. I will admit, at first I was heated too. As an ace person who’s favorite ship is MelJayVik (at first just JayVik but the pipeline swallowed me lol) I didn’t like that part of my identity was being used to invalidate or villainize something I like. However, looking more into the situation has calmed me down a bit, especially seeing how aggressive people are being. Yes, I think Viktor being ace was implemented weirdly and could’ve been handled better. But that doesn’t make Christian some spiteful, evil, homophobic, SoB. Like…could he have revealed it sooner or made it more upfront in the show? Sure. But I think treating him like the devil for that discredits how important he was to the making of Arcane and how hard he fought it in the first place. Like it’s fine to be mad at him, or disagree but, remember, he’s just a guy. A person; we can very easily forget that online.

It just feels like every time I show up to this fandom, I’ll be happy one minute and grimacing as people argue the next. Like I know one post from a rando who never posts anything isn’t gonna stop fandom toxicity. But like can we just all chill out for a minute and think about what you’re arguing about. We all love this show…so why are we yelling at each other..we are the same thing different font fr fr lol. Like I’m just tired at people yelling at each other for…having a good time..? Enjoying what they enjoy…? Existing?

Sorry for kinda long incoherent mini rant. Don’t wanna bring anyone’s mood down. Have a good day nerds. Have fun!!

[homunculovers]

Sometimes I get this idea of Dean actually marrying Sirena as he got her pregnant. A disaster for Dean’s budding sexuality, his relationship with Hank, Sirena’s independence, and the Ventures' relationship with the Ongs. And yet...

I picture a scenario where nobody’s happy with the situation but they make it work, not necessarily out of love. Sirena would return to her studies shortly after giving birth, trying to be a good mom as best as she can. Dean would be the one to shine as the stay at home dad; he had always wanted to be a husband. This would create initial friction between him and Rust, as he’s effectively throwing his plans of super science out of the window.

Hank would reveal himself to be the dark horse, being a good leader for VenTech even if not necessarily a scientifically inclined person. He would consolidate his bond with Brock by getting his advice on how to establish good enough relations with both the OSI and the GCI, incarnating the “men of hope” heritage of the Venture family. Eventually the truth of their birth would be revealed to Dean, as Rust shows him how to care for a baby. They could then finally bond over something true: the need for a warm, normal life.

Sirena, feeling supported, would go on to become a scientist out of personal passion, and she would pass it to her little girl. The pressure of the Venture legacy shaken off his shoulders, Dean would return to science as a hobby, speculating on climate change and actually coming up with some solid solutions. Hank would implement them, as it would give him the status of big tech’s Robin Hood, hindered by his peers but loved by the common person. Brock, and by extension the OSI, would have a field day protecting him from the government; but they’d do it happily, as Hank has a better standing than his father’s in Hunter’s book.

Rust would slowly but surely be pushed on the side. He’d protest, but gradually accept it, possibly with gratitude. The pressure of his suffocating role finally taken from him, he’d relax, have fun screwing around with science with his best friends, possibly accept therapy— under the guise of having someone to record his memoir. I like to think he’d be a good grampa, finally able to be curious about a child, to engage in play. He’d discover his artistic side by sitting down with her to draw with crayons. He’d get his sketchbook back. He’d draw in parks, metro stations, coffee shops. He’d rediscover the passion for adventure, the curiosity for people; what was there so long ago, constantly beaten out of him. Being more open, he’d be able to connect meaningfully. His final years might have him know love.

Nurtured by a family that truly believes in both personal ambition and human relationships, the kid would pick up a passion for space travel later on. She would work at it all her life, up to the point of organizing a mission to explore Jupiter’s orbit, to test how far humanity could go— and she would succeed.

A very, very old Rust would see her departure. He would hang on, waiting to receive her first communication after the long, long space radio silence. As soon as she confirmed they made it he would go, a glowing satisfaction on his last smile.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for leaving a DND campaign abruptly?

Some backstory: I had joined a DND game about 5 years ago right after breaking up with my toxic ex at the time. Me and my ex were both trying to be cordial at this time and ended up both joining a DND game run by a mutual friend.

In our first session, I had noticed my ex made her character be a parody of me that she made look like an awful person. She then kept dm-ing me during our sessions to tell me how to play my character better and other general backseat gaming stuff.

Very quickly, maybe about a month in, I contacted the DM about leaving the campaign due to wanting to distance myself from my ex. She was very upset I wanted to leave and offered to kick my ex from the group instead. I declined saying it would only cause more drama. The DM agreed to let my character go off at the end of the activity we were gonna do that session so it would make sense story-wise.

But this departure did not happen. after that conversation she vague-posted onling about how people dont want to be her friend. She then purposefully kept extending this part of the plot, just so I wouldnt leave the game and could realize it could still be fun. I told her outright I could not do this anymore after 3 more additional sessions and telling me she'll get to my character's exit soon. I always felt like an ass to the other players in the game for leaving them abruptly but I could not do it anymore.

Fast forward roughly 4 years, the DM tells me she is going to make a new campaign and would like for me to join since my ex was no longer in it. I agreed as I had missed playing DND a lot.

For the past year or so I have been in this campaign and it can be fun at times but I still feel out of place. This new session is a direct continuation of the previous campaign's storyline and regularly references it. Now, as far as I know my ex's character has not been referenced at all but I am constantly reminded of this situation whenever they mention a character's name I don't remember (because honestly I don't remember her characters name nor do I want to). I know I said to not bring her up around me but I don't quite trust this friend to keep her word. Simply because I don't think she ever remembers anything I tell her out of a place of... just not caring.

The DM and I just don't quite mesh that well. I don't really like her DM-ing style of making it up as the session happens. I don't like that she will constantly decide what my character is doing, even if I ask to do something, she tells me to roll to see if i can, i can get a nat20 and she will still decide what my character will do next based on what she thinks is funnier to her but makes my next action harder to accomplish.

I have dm'd her to talk about the progression of my character arc (after she constantly implys in session my character is the comedic relief and doesnt have any character development) and she'll go ooo and aaa (literally all she would say) but never actually implement anything I recommend.

I kept saying to myself it will get better in time. I have voiced my wants for my character, and they are ignored. In session, my character actions are essentially decided for me no matter how I roll the dice. It feels weird to be around half of the party bc they spent 4 years in a campaign with my ex who played a parody of me. esp hard after the DM keeps making me be the comedic relief even though I keep trying to play more seriously. other players constantly joke about how my character is gonna be the one that gets them all killed etc because of actions I dont necessarily decide.

Now as mentioned before, DM is also known to vague-blog about how "her friends secretly hate her" at any moment as well. This has happened before after I tried to "real talk" with her a handful of times over unrelated topics too (even if she initiates this conversation)

Given everything above, I want to leave this DND game after giving it a try for a year (really giving it an opportunity to improve). We left off with my character running off alone to get supplies for the party. I was thinking I could make a statement saying I had some personal things come up and I need to leave the game abruptly and leave it to the DM to decide what to do with my character.

Now I feel like I may be the AH because: I am leaving the game abruptly for a second time technically. I would contact the DM on how to make it make sense for my character to depart, but I feel like she will do the same thing as before with the previous campaign and keep putting it off, especially after ignoring my character growth ideas for a year in this current campaign. I also feel like I may be the AH because in character my group does need those supplies, but there is nothing stopping the DM from controlling my character to deliver supplies within the first 5 minutes of the next session.

[oyeicher]

"The real me is completely different from Wei Zhiyuan. Our personalities, the way we think, they're all very different," says Kurt Huang, who's been described as a "typical leo" by those around him.

Although he seems like the silent and dark type, Kurt Huang actually has a bright and straightforward personality. Since he was young, he has always been very "open" in that he expresses his feelings directly, is very straightforward with his words, and is incapable of pretending. This realness helped him gain popularity through variety shows. But for his acting work, which is what he loves the most, this realness made portraying characters all the more challenging.

Kurt Huang has long known that he's unable to "play" a character. Therefore, whenever he gets a role, he transforms into that character from head to toe. Instead of relying on his imagination or trying to figure out the character so that he can play the role, he lets himself become that person, to give the rawest reactions from a first-person perspective. He explains, "Wei Zhiyuan is someone who does not easily show his feelings, but I couldn't simply be expressionless or wear the exact same expression all the time! So I had to truly "become him" to know how he'd feel and act in each situation." 

In addition to his complete understanding of his character's personality, he also has high work standards and pays a lot of attention to detail, so that he can portray the role as accurately as possible. For instance, he carefully considered how he as a 26-year-old could express the pure emotions of a teen boy as well as the unique brotherhood that's portrayed in the show. He explained, "Many might think that Wei Zhiyuan's feelings for his brother are like that of a family member or a significant other. But that isn't the case. He was abandoned at a young age with no one to rely on, so his brother became his whole world. It's an important difference."

You can read a script thoroughly to thoroughly understand the character, but letting yourself truly become that character in the flesh, is a much greater challenge. In the past, Kurt Huang would find the similarities between his character and himself and use that as a starting point. However, this time round, he wasn't able to find any similarities between Wei Zhiyuan and himself as he doesn't have siblings and is an open book, so what was he to do? Two months before shooting started, he began implementing what he termed as an "extremely twisted" method: to lock his human interaction- and outdoor-loving self at home, and force himself to be still.  

During this time, he was in his room every day taking character notes, which filled eight pieces of A4-sized paper. He also shared that in order to better understand his character's emotional journey, he wrote about all of Wei Zhiyuan's "firsts," such as the first time he touched Qian and the first time he called Qian by his name. In his view, these are the moments that really made Yuan's heart flutter, and doing all this helped him better get into the role.

He can talk about this lightly now, but Kurt recalls that going through that period of repression was very difficult, and at one point he even felt as if he couldn't take it any longer. As he continued to live in Yuan's inner world, even his mother got worried. To make his portrayal as realistic as possible, he continued to live like this once filming started, even when the cameras weren't rolling. "Once we finished filming, I started filming another project and was finally able to pull myself out of this mindset. But when we started promotions (for Unknown), initially, I didn't really want to think back to that time as it was very very hard. But my manager encouraged me and said that thinking about that time and talking about it could be therapeutic in a way, and that helped me find the courage to talk about it."

Note: I only translated the parts related to Unknown.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Critical Mass, Pt. 7

While Weir has been away interrogating Kavanagh, when we return to the control platform Sheppard is still there with McKay and we cannot be sure that he had gone anywhere in the meanwhile. He now steps past Weir to get to a vantage point where he is able to watch McKay working real up close and personal. For sure McKay is the person they are all expecting to solve their planet blowing up problem but being where the action is happening and having to stand so that he is specifically able to see McKay's face are two different things.

Weir: Could the cloaking cause the ZPM to overload? McKay: Yes, but I can turn off some of the systems to keep the power levels short of an overload. Sheppard: Maybe we should start thinking about evacuating the city.

The composition of the shot brings Sheppard and McKay close together, facing each other. Sheppard looks at McKay, watches him pensively and even though he directs his words at Weir, his tone is soft in a way that he actually seems to be talking to McKay, and at least McKay, without removing his eyes from his work to see who Sheppard was talking to assumes he was talking to him. His voice trails off almost into a whisper, and the fact that Sheppard suggests evacuation tells us that his mind is working on the problem of how he can keep McKay safe. They would never be able to evacuate everyone but you had better believe he would make sure McKay was among the people taken to safety.

McKay: Well, there's not a lot of options there. Still, it can't hurt to have a plan ready, if we can think of one.

They shift the camera angle in the middle of the scene and because McKay is shot from the side front, we are now watching him from Sheppard's perspective. We are looking at McKay through Sheppard's eyes. And we may note that even though McKay concedes that he has a point and is being gentle with his criticism of the idea, basically agreeing with the sentiment even though he is unsure how they are going to implement it, we may note that McKay does not look at Sheppard except very briefly, at the very end, seeming to need to gather up some courage to be able to look at him. Although he might be able to cut away his emotions in order to function, to do work, McKay is not unaffected by their situation and he certainly is not unaffected by how deeply he can see this affecting Sheppard. He is trying to hold himself together by focusing on the work but he is grateful for Sheppard's presence. He has learned a long time ago to work while Sheppard is hovering somewhere near, and it is actually comforting to him. And we may note that once again, they are both working to save the other here. McKay is working on saving the city because Sheppard is in it and Sheppard is trying to figure how to get McKay to safety.

The next time we see them, Sheppard is still in McKay's company. They are in the meeting room with Caldwell, presumably to discuss the evacuation plans with the captain of the Daedalus because while he is here, McKay is not working on the code. Just as we did at the end of the previous scene, we are watching McKay from Sheppard's perspective. They are on the opposite sides of the room but Sheppard has a direct line of sight to McKay and before the camera starts shifting away from him, we see that McKay is at the very centre of his focus. It might be the presence of Caldwell that has made them sit so far away from each other because it is rather obvious that Sheppard wants to be closer. As is usual, his entire world seems to be oriented to McKay.

McKay: I'm still working on cracking the new failsafe code but so far, no luck. Caldwell: How are things coming with Kavanagh? Is he still your prime suspect? Weir: Yes, he is. I'm having some difficulty with him, though. He's not exactly the most co-operative of people.

Sheppard is rubbing his finger against his lips in that auto-erotic fashion of his that has always been connected to McKay's presence. Now, it is not an accident that Weir is also there nearly always when this happens because, for one, she gives the cover of plausible deniability to the act. But the motivation for Sheppard to do this is because they are in public, because there is someone there whose presence forces him to resolve to auto-erotic touching instead of just plain erotic touching. At these times, he has to touch himself because he cannot be touching the person he actually wants to be touching.

We may also recall that we saw McKay doing the same thing earlier, and we have seen that they have picked up many mannerisms from each other. Earlier, when McKay had been touching his lips it had been almost immediately after what ever they had been doing together following Sheppard waiting to meet McKay out in the corridor and where ever they had gone together from there.

The thing is, it seems like the threat of impending death does not make Sheppard think of sex less but in fact more. The most egregious example of him doing this is talking about (and very obviously thinking of) penetration while they are trying to hack the mainframe on the replicator homeworld in Lifeline (S04E02), but that is far from the only time. As discussed before, the threat of impending death is connected with the primal erotic drive and in a tense situation, it is easy to sublimate general arousal into sexual arousal. Regardless, even though this is neither the time nor the place for it, Sheppard certainly seems to be thinking about it. And we can tell that the cause of it is McKay not just from the camera work but from the fact that we can hear McKay's voice as we watch Sheppard touching his lips. His eyes were first looking to the side and down, being engaged in a memory, and the moment McKay starts speaking Sheppard shifts his eyes up to him, his pupils blown wide. Yes, he is probably thinking about other things at the same time. Likely he is concerned for security while he is zoning out here. But he is also thinking about sex. That is what he does.

McKay: Oh, well, there's a shocker! Weir: If he does know the code, I highly doubt he's gonna just give it to us. Dex: Give me ten minutes with him. I'll get it out of him. Sheppard: Might not be a bad idea. Maybe it is time to take this interrogation to the next level.

Ronon, as a survivalist, is the first to suggest that it is time to play hardball, and we see McKay pull a face at the thought, possibly because Kavanagh had been working for him for a long time and even though he was never McKay's favourite person and it is entirely possible McKay's poor treatment of him had been what made him want to leave Atlantis, McKay is not precisely comfortable with the thought of Ronon roughing him up. Although he does not say anything, he does shake his head and look extremely uncomfortable with the idea.

Sheppard, on the other hand, is willing to entertain the idea and let it be noted that he is not doing this just because he wants to be committing war crimes willy-nilly. No, Sheppard is willing to cross all kinds of lines to keep McKay safe and specifically (if not only) for that reason. Later on, we will see him ready to sacrifice the entire human race for McKay so what he is willing to do here, the stakes being high and the deadline closing in on them, is small potatoes. He would do a lot worse to keep that man safe.

Let us recall that we have already seen Sheppard torture a prisoner of war for McKay, needing to know what the wraith knew that he might have relayed to the hives that had been bearing down on McKay at the Ancient satellite platform in The Siege (S01E19). Note also that while Sheppard glances at Weir twice as he says this, he is actually looking at McKay to see his face as he suggests that this is something they might have to try out. If he is going to do something, he needs to know McKay is alright with it. McKay is not, he does not seem to embrace this idea with open arms, and the least of it is not because he cares about Sheppard and does not want him to have to do something that is going to injure his soul, whether or not McKay realizes Sheppard would be doing it for him specifically. He does not want Sheppard to have to do it.

McKay: Look, I hate Kavanagh as much as the next guy -- probably even more -- but we really need to be sure about this. Weir: I agree. If there's the slightest chance that he's innocent, then... Caldwell: We don't have time to debate morality. Unfortunately sometimes you have to do unpleasant things to save lives.

Neither of them can meet the other's eyes here because Caldwell's words -- who unbeknownst to them is hosting the Goa'uld infiltrator -- remind them both of unpleasant things that they have had to do to save lives before. Sheppard seems to agree with Caldwell, nodding his head minutely at his words although he does not say anything further. He knows that he would do anything to save McKay, giving up his own life being only the beginning of the list of things he would be willing to do. He will quite literally keep McKay safe if it kills him. Following his stunt with the bomb on the jumper the last time they were expecting the wraith to arrive, McKay knows that about him and he is not at all alright with any plan that involves Sheppard hurting himself for his sake. This situation is similar enough that it has to be digging up feelings connected to the last days before the arrival of the wraith for the both of them, and Kavanagh's presence is only re-enforcing that.

But also note that McKay does not say no to Sheppard's initiative, only that they need to be sure. As long as Sheppard's plan of action does not involve him sacrificing his own life, McKay is going to support him in what ever he thinks the best course of action is. That is what you do to someone you love. As long a they do not have to sacrifice themselves and you get to keep them safe, he can live with a little war crimes here and there.

Continued in Pt. 8

[silent-axis]

Some of my personal understanding of the relationship between Altmann and Muller

◆The content of this post is entirely my personal understanding, with a lot of imagination, so it may not be completely objective. And because I was in a hurry when writing this post without my laptop, the content mentioned in this post has not been compared with the game's English text, and there may be cases where the vocabulary used is different from that in the game. If you can accept it, the text is below :)

↓↓↓

*****

At the end of the game, if the player chooses to help Altmann, Altmann will tell Frank on the phone, "I need your absolute loyalty." I wonder if she has asked Muller the same thing from the beginning.

If the player chooses to fire Muller at the end, he will say, "I am your superior!" On the one hand, this plot shows that he is a person with a strong sense of hierarchy. On the other hand, this makes me think that he may have a feeling that he has always been absolutely loyal (at least in his behavior) , working hard and has finally climbed to this position, become his boss's trusted subordinate. He may feel that his current status is what he deserves, and is trying his best to maintain his status.

But I don't think he will overstep his boundaries and seek to be above his boss. In his heart, he recognize Altmann as his boss, and follow her all the way.

*****

In addition to hating Huberts's personality and ideas, Muller's dislike for Huberts may be similar to Altmann's, thinking that Huberts will completely destroy everything he has worked hard to obtain at the moment, so it is normal for him to hate Huberts. He and Altmann are allies in dealing with the "threat" posed by Huberts. In the "battle" against Huberts, Muller needs the influence that comes with Altmann's status and power, and Altmann needs Muller to implement her ideas.

(In fact, I wonder what would happen if Huberts really keeps Muller in the ministry in the ending where Huberts wins. If the boss is someone he hates, will Muller choose to endure the humiliation and stay in the ministry, or will he secretly contact his former boss ^^)

*****

After Huberts wins, he will kick Altmann and Muller out of the ministry. I also find it interesting that Muller still choose to continue to follow Altmann at this time. Logically, they could have parted ways at this time, after all, the hierarchy has disappeared. This makes me think that Muller has been Altmann's subordinate for too long, and he may have gotten used to it. He may also recognize and be familiar with Altmann's ideas and the rules she established, and recognize her abilities. If they were in the same situation, he might still habitually want to rely on Altmann to see if she has a chance to help them turn the tables.

*****

Also, the fact that he has been following Altmann all the time makes me think that Altmann may treat him well (The word "well" here is relative. Perhaps Muller himself thinks that Altmann treats him better than she treats others). It seems that Altmann is the kind of person who clearly distinguishes rewards and punishments. My guess is that if Muller makes a serious mistake, she will punish him, but if he does well, Altmann will also reward him. The result of this is that Muller may feel that whether he is punished or rewarded depends entirely on his performance.

(Sometimes I feel that the relationship between Altmann and Muller is a bit like that between a dog trainer and a large dog that is used to being on a leash. (This is not a derogatory statement, I think large dogs are cute so I use this description))

*****

Sometimes I also think that since Muller attaches great importance to hierarchical relationships, if one day Altmann's order infringes on Muller's private space, he may also bite his teeth and accept it.

But I think there may be a tacit understanding between them. Altmann probably separates work and life like Muller, and may really not infringe on his private space. After all, there is no need. She is done after giving the order, and how Muller executes it is his business. Besides, Muller seems to be completely accustomed to the rules of Altmann, so he also knows where to demarcate his private space. After all, work partners and life partners are very different.

(By the way, I guess Huberts probably doesn't have the same sense of boundaries with Altmann as Muller. He may be talking about work in the last second, and ask Altmann if she stayed up late last night in the next second (x))

*****

I personally think that Altmann and Muller are not the kind of stereotyped superiors and subordinates, but a bit like long-term partners, but mixed with strong power relations.

When Frank first take the subway to the ministry and meet Altmann, she will say, "Muller told me that you would talk a lot of nonsense." This made me feel that Muller was the kind of person who could read his boss's mind, so he knew what information his boss needed and would provide Altmann with a lot of key information.

Altmann's attitude towards Frank and her attitude towards Muller may be different. I personally think that she, to some extent, regards Muller as a long-term partner & capable subordinate, and if there are really some harmless benefits, she will probably give him. She will not be like this with Frank, and Frank may need to ask her for it himself before Altmann may consider whether to give it to him.

And although I think Muller can understand the true intentions of Altmann's words and actions to a certain extent, I have also written before that I feel that he will not guess the parts he should not guess. So compared to what Huberts, who is on the same level as Altmann, can understand, perhaps Muller's information is somewhat blocked. The part of the information that Muller can see more than Huberts may come from following Altmann for a longer time, while Huberts can stand in the same position as Altmann and look at her actions from an relatively equal perspective.

*****

If the player chooses to help Huberts, Frank will receive a task to place a signal transmitter in the office or room of Altmann, Muller and Henker. Muller will naturally stand in Altmann's office and not let Frank in. This plot is also very intriguing.

Frank only needs to tell the guard that Muller broke into Altmann's office without permission, and the guard will take Muller out of the office. We could indicate that Muller's action here may not have been authorized by Altmann.

A boss like Altmann who has a strong sense of boundaries and is very strict with her subordinates may not let anyone enter her office casually. However, Muller can stand there without authorization to protect his boss, and it seems that he was not worried that Altmann will scold him after she comes back. This makes me think that there is a trust relationship between him and Altmann.

I don't claim that their relationship is good like friends. My guess is that Altmann knows that Muller is an obedient and good subordinate who will not do anything out of line, and will try his best to protect her interests, so she may have given Muller some freedom to complete the task by default. Their efficient military-style communication mode gives me the feeling that as long as Muller can convince Altmann of the reasons for his behavior, she probably won't make things difficult for Muller.

In addition, Muller's office does not take any measures to prevent others from entering. He stays in Altmann's office all the time, which gives me the feeling of sacrificing soldiers to protect the king. And this act of protecting the ace was voluntary.

One thing I like about Muller's personality is that he has his own strategy and ideas when completing tasks (I like it because this makes me feel that he has his own way of thinking when looking at problems). And as mentioned before, he has a strong sense of hierarchy, these lead to the result that he has his own understanding of where to put himself on the chessboard when looking at the overall situation. Altmann is the ace of the conservative camp for him, and he recognizes the ace from the bottom of his heart (this can be seen from the fact that Muller still follows Altmann after Huberts' victory), so he will do everything he can to protect her.

*****

I personally think both Muller and Altmann follow a simple and efficient military style, which can be seen from their actions and dialogue in the game. When Muller talk to Frank, he repeatedly emphasizes ideas like "Doing, not talking." If the player chooses to help Altmann, she will also emphasize to Frank that he should not ask questions, but just take action. Maybe their long-term cooperation has a lot to do with their similar styles of doing things.

*****

The above analysis does not mean that I am advocating that their relationship is a normal and pleasant superior-subordinate relationship. In the following paragraphs, I will focus on the part of their relationship where Muller may have "violated his own will in the process of keeping the relationship".

↓↓↓

*****

In the game, Muller and Altmann would arrive at the ministry very early every day and leave work very late

(Altmann appears from the subway entrance at 5 o'clock every morning and arrives at the subway entrance at about 22:00 in the evening. Muller appears from the subway entrance at about 6 o'clock in the morning and arrives at the subway entrance at about 22:30 in the evening).

This reminds me of a point I saw before:

"Although some bosses who have climbed from the bottom to the top are excellent, they may use their own values ​​to exploit their subordinates, such as bringing forward the working hours or interfering with the employees' rest time, etc. "

I think the similarity between Muller and Altmann's work and rest schedule may be related to Muller's personal work habits on the one hand, and the heavy workload assigned to him by Altmann on the other hand. Also, it may relates to the requirements Altmann has for him.

His attitude towards Frank is similar to Altmann's attitude towards her subordinates. He cares more about whether the task can be executed in most cases, and is unwilling to have more communication (even so, he will still communicate with Frank and complete his work conscientiously). This makes me feel that he does not really like his work, but just executes the tasks assigned by his superiors without emotion. Although he is busy every day and is unwilling to have too much communication with others, he is still forced to communicate with others. This makes me feel that he may not be willing to go to work early and leave work late every day in his heart.

*****

As mentioned above, the reasons why Muller chooses to follow Altmann may include that he is used to Altmann's rules and recognized her abilities and ideas. In addition, there may also be some involuntary parts.

There is a sentence in the conversation between Muller and Frank, "Become an obedient cog in the system." On the one hand, this plot makes me think that Muller is a disseminator of Altmann's ideas. On the other hand, this sentence also shows his own values, that is, he abides by the established rules of society.

His choice to follow Altmann may also be related to his own values. On the premise of recognizing the established rules of society, he may think that following Altmann is a choice to protect his rights and pursue a better life in such a society.

Based on his ability, I think he knew in his heart that Altmann would use him as a pawn and might abandon him or harm his interests when necessary. But after comprehensively considering factors such as the social environment and his own situation, he finally chose to follow Altmann. This may not be a completely voluntary choice, but more of a result of comprehensive considerations.

French philosopher Michel Foucault once made this point in an interview (1980):

"If I use my age, my social position, the knowledge I may have about this or that, to make you behave in some particular way—that is to say, I’m not forcing you at all and I’m leaving you completely free—that’s when I begin to ex­ercise power."

I think Muller's choice to follow Altmann was influenced by such kind of invisible power. In Beholder3's worldview, class relations are solidified, and the upper class holds more resources and power. In this case, conforming to the wishes of the upper class may sometimes be self-destructive or inhumane, but it is a more likely way to get promoted and gain more social resources. Therefore, even if society does not outwardly require people to choose to follow the upper class, this underlying influence caused by power (the upper class can easily use their power to shape society and influence the fate of ordinary people in Beholder3's worldview) still drives people to follow and even serve the interests of the upper class. From this perspective, I think Muller's choice to follow Altmann is not completely voluntary, or to some extent, is "forced to do so".

*****

In addition, because their relationship is unequal due to the imbalance of power, there is invisible coercion in this relationship.

Therefore, when there is a conflict between their ideas, Muller may put forward his own views, but in the end he may still follow Altmann's ideas. If Altmann issues an order that harms his interests, it is difficult for him to really disobey.

*****

Even though Muller knows that the relationship is unequal, he still chooses to follow Altmann, and he does not leave even when he and Altmann are homeless on the streets. This makes me think that his understanding of this relationship may gradually change from "not completely voluntary" to "accepting it and even treating it as a habit".(Of course, I don’t deny that maybe he doesn’t leave because he considered various factors and still believe that following Altmann is the best option when he is living on the streets.)

*****

I sometimes wonder if the same hierarchical relationship still exists between them after they are on the streets. Although the hierarchical relationship no longer exists in essence, the habit of following this "unequal relationship" may still remain. Just… there might be some slight changes depending on the situation.

Following this conjecture, I wrote this in an Altmann/Muller fanfic I posted on AO3 before:

(The first few sentences are said by Altmann)

"Just because we fell from that place, we should realize that... we must rely on each other to survive."

"Whether it's survival or... life."

"Muller, you are right. I am still your boss. One day, I will take us back to that place."

"Until then, you just need to be like before. Be my knife and blade, be my weapon. Don't ask questions, don't be curious about the answers, execute, chop, kill, and obey."

She stared. The broken lens of her subordinate reflected her face.

"Open your eyes. Look at me."

Through the darkness, Muller's eyes swept to his boss, and a resolute and indifferent face was reflected in his eyes, overlapping with the shadow of being at the top of the country in the past few decades. Those eagle-like eyes, although hidden with fatigue, were still as sharp as a knife, tightly locking Muller's eyes soaked in chaos.

"Good."

"Betrayal brings destruction, obedience will be rewarded. No matter where we are, no matter who we are, I hope you can engrave it in your soul."

"Do you understand?"

He was silent for a while, calmed his breathing, and uttered a reply from the depths of his throat.

"...Yes."

Intuition caught a flash of relief in the colonel's eyes, as if a huge stone had been lifted off her chest.

"Don't forget who you are. And don't forget that we are in the same boat."

Even though this is just my own speculation and imagination, this passage basically expresses my core understanding of their relationship.

(By the way, since this fanfic has age-restricted content which is hard to translate, so I only posted the Chinese version, sry TT)

*****

In summary, Muller and Altmann have similar ideas, but there is a power relationship. Muller is Altmann's knife, her useful and perfect weapon. And Altmann is Muller's umbrella, the trump card in his heart, and also the master whom he has to and is accustomed to obey and serve.

Thanks for reading! I'll add screenshots of the plots I mentioned in this post when I get my laptop :)

Since my native language is not English, there may be some inaccurate words in this post. Also, these are mainly my own personal opinions, so they are not absolutely objective. But I will be very happy if it can provide some inspiration.

The relationship between Lotte, Stephen and Ernst is very interesting. I will continue to create fan works. ^^

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

I had one of my most brilliant Titans revelations today

a huge overarching theme of Season 3 and Titans at large:

Be Better Than Your Parents aka The 51% Rule

The episode titles of Titans are always something I find utterly fucking fascinating and so well chosen - like how the episode where Hank and Dawn are introduced is called 'Hawk and Dove' (because they are struggling with their hero identities and considering quitting), and the episode with their backstories is called 'Hank and Dawn' - because we get to know the real them, and the episode where Hank dies is called Hank & Dove - because Dawn is wearing her costume, trying her hardest to save Hank when the bomb goes off, and Hank is stripped down and completely vulnerable (and because Hank was trying to retire and he only came back to the Titans lifestyle because Dawn was continuing on as Dove).

51% is an episode that I fucking love as a title and as an episode overall, and I love how it speaks to the theme of the show overall

if you don't remember the specific episode or where the title comes from, let me catch you up. Blackfire and Kory are trying to track down a machine that Crane could be using to mass produce the anti fear gas (which makes people erratic and more likely to commit violent crimes) at a much faster rate, and they have gotten a tip that one of the mobsters Crane is working with isn't satisfied, so they go to talk to her.

Kory is hesitant to willingly work with a criminal, even if the outcome gets the drug off the streets and keeps people safe, so Blackfire reminds her of something that their father used to say:

When making decisions, think of the 51% Rule. If a decision is 51% good and 49% bad, then you do it anyway. Because if it's only by a slight bit - the good outweighs the bad.

Kory says 'I hope you reminded father of that when you were killing him' - and this leads Blackfire to remind Kory that this rule was implemented all throughout their childhood. And it lead to Blackfire being abused and neglected while Kory was beloved and favoured - something that Kory is trying to heal by being an ally to her sister rather than leaving her to let that abuse continue at the hands of the US government.

The theme of breaking away from abusive parenting comes up in the episode again - the mobster agrees to work with them as long as Kory and Blackfire bring her son to her, and Kory (being good natured) believe that it's because she wants to reunite with her son and make amends with him, but the woman ends up murdering her son because he was supposedly giving information about her criminal empire to the FBI. And so, Kory lashes out and (rightfully) murders the woman - and we see Blackfire have a fondness for Kory murdering an abuser and bringing justice, be better than their parents would have been in the face of a situation like this.

And it's not just this episode, the theme persists throughout the season.

Barbara and Dick - but let's just focus on Dick for a second.

"Be a better Batman."

This is from the ... first? Episode I believe. (The first or the second.) Bruce murders the Joker and then shows up in Dick's room in the middle of the night, covered in blood, and drops a bloody crowbar on Dick's floor - he tells Dick that he's done with Gotham, and that Dick should 'be a better Batman'.

When Dick brings this up to Barbara, she tells him how utterly ridiculous this is - and how it's just Bruce goading him with temptation and Daddy issues, and he reminds her that she became Commissioner Gordon after her own father died, and almost instantly - we see Commissioner Gordon and a new Head Bat, working together seamlessly, but in a new way.

Barbara always desired to be different from her father - she never puts too much trust in Dick, and if she does, she knows when to step back from it. She has a strong sense of justice - she's intelligent and vibrant and energetic and she feels that no person is 'too small' or too unimportant to save.

Dick instantly understands compromise. He's not as independent or stubborn as Bruce because he's used to working with a team, and he learns to delegate early on. He understands the importance of others playing a role aside from himself.

More threads I find important under this theme:

Crane has a scene with his mother. He blames her for pressuring him too much in life, and the fact that he even became a doctor - later on, when he has a mental breaking point, it seems like he goes to the mental extreme of mutilating himself because he believed that he was never good enough in his mother's eyes.

Jason and Dick as 'brothers' - the whole show has a lot of interesting threads about these two and their 'brotherhood', even though in this universe they weren't raised as brothers. But every single fight they have, or every single discussion Dick has about Jason (even discussions that Jason has with Bruce in the flashbacks) - always goes back to Bruce.

It goes back to how Bruce treated them differently.

And I think because Dick always finds opposition and competition in Jason, he never found it in himself to forgive Jason, and he misdirects that 'forgiveness' and better treatment to Rachel and Gar, and in a sense - he feels the need to oppose Jason continually, right up until the end - because he feels that Jason always got better treatment from Bruce. (When neither of them were treated as a child should be, they were just treated very differently.)

I mentioned this earlier, but the fact that Kory rescues Blackfire from the government facility, seemingly to make up for the damage that their parents caused. And finding out later in the season that their parents treated them so unfairly because they used magic to steal Blackfire's natural powers and give them to Starfire, and then treated Blackfire like a powerless outcast her whole life - there is just so many layers to unpack there. But Kory was basically ending the general trauma and abuse by discovering this family secret and finally giving her sister fair treatment.

Dick has closure in having a dream about his real father - and then dreams of becoming a parent himself. I am not a huge fan of the visions with M'ari, not because I don't like her (that baby is so stinkin cuuuuute omg) - I am just not a huge fan of the trope of 'having a baby and getting married = happy ending'. Especially because the show split up the Titans family and Dick and Kory stayed together under the impression that this would happen.

BUT - I did love how Dick's form of closure, after obsessing about following in Bruce's footsteps as Batman, and reflecting on how Bruce treated him and Jason, and having all those flashbacks to his childhood where Bruce treated him horribly (but in his adulthood, he considered it 'training') - Dick gets to have genuine closure by seeing his real father one last time, who tells Dick that he is proud of him.

Especially after the Pit shows him a vision of himself as The Joker, killing Jason - which I have just now realized represents Dick taking on Bruce's burdens. Holy fuck. Because it has been established throughout the whole season that if Bruce had treated Jason better, then Jason wouldn't have run off on his own, and he wouldn't have gotten killed by the Joker.

And Dick probably feels the same way about Jason getting kidnapped and tortured by Deathstroke, and be probably still feels responsible for everything that happened there, like when he dropped Jason and a hallucination of Bruce was tormenting him for not taking better care of Jason - so in that torment, and after trying to BE A BETTER BATMAN for weeks, maybe months, and seemingly failing after he dies in an altercation with Jason (someone who wouldn't be Red Hood without Dick's own mistakes) - Dick steps into The Joker's costume and literally murders Jason while Jason is wearing his Robin outfit.

He is killing this more innocent version of Jason because he feels deeply responsible for doing so.

(I have to take a step back because I literally had this realization while typing this.)

And then he is told by his own father that he can let go of that burden - and it's one of the only times he actually gets real, true closure.

I know a lot of people think that the vision of M'ari turned Dick into RV Dad Bot 1.0, but I think it was his father giving him closure that truly made him ready to take on the family and play the part.

Anyway - that's all I have for you today. I have to go before I make anymore mind bending revelations

[highladyluck]

AU thought: Nynaeve is born in Seanchan and raised from childhood as a damane

Immediate first thought (besides ‘why did you choose violence’) is that she’d probably be the best, still. She’s making it onto Tuon’s entourage. I am in pain thinking about it.

This is my AU, so I’m going to solve a personal mystery and say that her dad is Ajimbura & she’s from the Kaensada Hills. Let’s say her mom still died early from illness & dad still taught her how to hunt & track before she was tested. In fact, Ajimbura treated Nyneave as his son because he had seen her channeling at an unusually early age & was hoping declaring her his son could protect her from being made damane.

The Kaensada Hills are rural and unassimilated enough that this was not quite as useless an idea as it might seem, and let’s say they also had very functional ideas of gender roles- if someone does Man Things, they are A Man for all intents and purposes, or vice versa.

Spoiler: It doesn’t work, the sul’dam do eventually get around to testing even there and if there’s a saidar channeler, they’re gonna grab her. Nyneave becomes damane around 13. She still has that Talent for Healing, but because most Seanchan don’t want a damane working on them in that way, she’s only allowed to practice on other damane. It’s a Talent and not something that can be taught very well, which also dampens people’s enthusiasm about it since it’s not super replicable.

She’s still ridiculously powerful even with this somewhat problematic skill, though, and so she sees a lot of use in combat situations. Nyneave comes to Tuon’s attention when Nyneave’s sul’dam makes a judgement call & lets her bring one of Tuon’s favorite damane back from the brink of death after a combat injury. Tuon’s like ‘mine now’ and Nyneave joins the favorites squad.

Nyneave’s been with Tuon for ~6 years by the WH timeline. Once Ajimbura finds out where she is (since she’s higher-profile now that she’s with Tuon), he’s like ‘I must kill the Daughter of the Nine Moons’s father to avenge the loss of my son’ but her father is dead already (of ‘a bad wager’ in this timeline too) so he decides that as male captain of her bodyguard, Furyk Karede stands in loco parentis to Tuon, and therefore he must be killed.

After 3 failed revenge murder attempts, by the custom of his people, the debt rebounds upon Ajimbura and now he must become like Furyk Karede’s son and follow his trade.

This is the mechanism that Ajimbura’s people, distant descendants of the AoL Aiel, devised to stop blood feuds. If you try to revenge murder the same person three times & you can’t hack it, you have to join your enemy’s family instead and act in their interests. Most people don’t want to take that risk, or pick easier-to-kill enemies, so there’s a lot of trophy-hunting instead, kind of like how the Aiel have implemented complex prisoner of war rules so less people die.

So that’s why Ajimbura is Karede’s unhinged manservant in THIS universe. Still wish I knew why he’s there in canon!

Because I do not want Nyneave to suffer unduly, let’s say she comes with Tuon instead of Mylen (whose battlefield-medicine-descended-Healing is less impressive when compared to Nyneave’s Talent). Nyneave also represents Seanchan supremacy in a homegrown ‘we’re better than you’ way rather than a ‘we’ll brainwash you all’ way. Slightly different message, similar outcome.

She gets captured by our heroes at some point & basically has some of Alivia’s arc after that, but because she worked with Tuon and has insider info on her, she’s got more to do in Rand’s inner circle than just make people uncomfortable & lay out his outfit for the rest of his life. Actually, you know what, let’s full-circle this, the former Wisdom of Emond’s Field is Alivia Al’Meara & she’s the one who makes the call to uncollar Nyneave when she asks for it.

Also, Nyneave becomes friends with Aviendha because Avi meets her once and is like ‘forgive me but you’re the spitting image of my second-sister’s first-daughter’ (or whatever) and then they figure out that the Kaensada Hills tribes are also descended from AoL Aiel, and this connection becomes very important later on when the Kaensada Hills tribes strike out for independence in the aftermath of the entire Imperial family being murdered & the civil wars in mainland Seanchan.

[zombiee-reviews]

Ranach character discussion/breakdown -

• The suddenly cured narcissist • The unredeemable • The Oreo

Hello ladies and gents, I decided to do a documentary on our fellow “antagonist” Ranach, from the comic Home.

You are also welcome in adding anything in your own reblog or the comments!

I decided to target Ranach for a breakdown / discussion for the following reasons:

• A little on Ranachs early / family life.

• Rogio is hellbent saying Ranach was a huge abuser in his life.

• Ranachs whole 180 plot line.

• How the author glorifies this character.

• Ranachs character in general.

• A little of a different perspective on how Kique COULD have redeemed Ranach.

-

ALRIGHT. I am going to start off with what is shown in the comic with Ranachs early years and speculation from what other characters have said about him and also his prior MT living situation.

Ranach, son of Arenak and Vandi. Ranach seemed to live a rather rough life as a pup, shown from flashbacks. Obviously this sprouted a rather mean / vengeful adult character. What is interesting to me in the comic, is how Vandi never talked / or addressed Ranach has her son. If we didn’t have the wiki, none of us would have a single clue that Vandi is Ranachs mother. There have been many opportunities for Vandi to expose this to anyone, or even show Vandi in a flashback… But Kique relies too strongly on the wiki and hopes we all do the same.

I for one, if this was my comic, would have had Vandi mention that Ranach is her son when she asks Ronja why she chose to mate with him.

Simply putting something like:

“Why did you choose to mate with my dastardly son Ranach?”

Or something indicating that she IS Ranachs mother in the story.

It is also interesting to me, that Ranach obviously has some kind of bond with his mother, more so than his father. It can be seen when Arenak is holding Ranach over the Tribe wall, dangling him over the night beasts as Ranach calls for his mother.

It is obvious that Ranach has this sort of empathy later in the story, like he shows for Rogio, so why does he never try to help his mother out of MT? Oh that’s right, cause this was before Kique decided he wanted to attempt to redeem Ranach and make him an empathetic character.

If Kique wanted to redeem Ranach so badly from the beginning, why did he not implement this? Sure, Ranach was born into MT, a choice not of his own. But why didn’t he rebel with Kargo and Ferah, or even try to save some females? His mother?

Jonna tells Ronja that Ranach was rarely seen with a female, but Ranach still supported the rape tribe by simply NOT DOING ANYTHING and possibly taking females against their will. Unless, Ranach was forced to rape females.. It is not ever shown.

One would think Ranach would have the most fuel to go against his father and overthrow him and save the females. It’s clear Ranach was at least SOMEWHAT against what MT stood for, because he changed things in the Tribe when he took over. But this does not make him a good guy, because he didn’t act on what was right and try to make a better life for the females, or rebel with Kargo and Ferah.

Now if this was handled by a REAL writer, Ranach would have rebelled with Kargo and Ferah, killing his father himself and taking the reins to better the life of MT and its females. Sure, you can still make Ranach a cocky asshole, if that’s what you want. But at least you can redeem him in that situation. And really, that should have ended his arc right there. Because it’s clear to me that Kique can’t decide whether to make Ranach empathetic or narcissistic. Kique has this tendency of changing characters personalities to better fit what scene is happening in the moment. And most of the time it’s to go along with whatever that may be. Kique never shows the characters protesting against anything that is wrong in this story. Because Kique believes that females should be slaves to males.

-

Onto the next thing, Rogio and Ranachs relationship.

I have already made a pretty brief doc about the pairs relationship previously, but I am going to address it once more.

Rogio was brought into MT by Ranach finding him badly wounded from the spirit that attacked Snowcap Tribe (Rogio’s previous Tribe ). Arenak tells Ranach he is wasting time / resources on a stranger and Ranach takes pity on Rogio and tells his father he will make sure Rogio makes it.

It is quite obvious to me that Ranach has a lick of empathy and it is quite a deep empathy. Kique tries to portray Ranach as a Narcissist, but Narcissists do not have a deep empathy for individuals like Ranach shows for Rogio. Now if you wanted to make Ranach narcissistic, you could show that he is obsessed with wanting to CONTROL Rogio, not flesh out scenes where Ranach is talking about him in deep intimacy.

This empathy for Rogio obviously buds a relationship between the two. Why / how Rogio falls in love with Ranach and MT is unknown. Why Rogio even chooses to stay with MT knowing the whole situation is bizarre and unknown. But this doc is not about him.

My guess, showing how Ranach actually is portrayed in the comic, is that Rogio fancied him and enjoyed the things Ranach said and did for him.

Sure, Ranach is shown to be a liar towards Rogio in some circumstances. But I don’t see any abuse from Ranach. If anything, Rogio was almost always the physical aggressor when it came to them arguing. So if anything, Rogio is the damn abuser lol.

Then came the time when Ranach attempted to sacrifice Rogio to a spirit, thinking that simply killing him would make the feelings and emotions go away. ( Something a narcissist does not have. ) We are then yoinked in a direction where Rogio is miraculously saved in time, unbeknownst to Ranach.

After this, we are then shown Ranach is losing his absolute mind over losing Rogio, even abandoning the Tribe and doing absolutely anything in his power to bring him back to life. And then, we are shown that soft side again when the spirit asks for Ranachs unborn and Ranach denies giving them up. A narcissistic character would have yeeted them kids fast af, if it meant benefiting them.

Eventually, Ranach returns to MT and is greeted with bared teeth and raised hackles, as he should have been greeted, he abandoned the damn tribe over a cuck like Rogio. ( it is interesting how almost every main character is Rogio’s foot licker anymore. )

And then he attacks the Tribe, kills Kargo and suddenly cant smell Rogio’s stank anywhere in the vicinity. ( face palm )

-

My next point on Ranach, is his whole 180 plot line once he takes off from Roamer, after killing Kargo.

Ranach is seen killing Kargo and fleeing MT, as he runs away from the useless main character, Roamer.

We are then blessed with more scenes, showing Ranach has fled to a rag tag group known as South Spear. Now as a reader, my first thought seeing Ranach join up with South Spear and his hidden smirks after speaking with members / the viscountess.. One would think Ranach is boiling a plan to get SS to join him in a war against MT. Because obviously, for a good chunk of the story Ranach wanted to destroy Ronja and MT.

But NOPE. Kique wanted to use South Spear as a doggie nsfw orgy for Ranach, so he could scratch that itch his nasty zoophile followers / himself have. Then suddenly, when they are jumped by bounty hunters, Ranach suddenly drops the existence of MT out of his mind and wants to suddenly become this notorious hero and destroy the capital, because he totally cared about this before.

And now we’re faced with a once narcissistic character, who has empathy for others and wants to make the lives of others right, including all of Aedra. Kique, buddy, once you’re a narcissist, you’re always a narcissist, learn to write a narcissistic character properly. Let me give you some tips, narcissistic characters don’t give a flying fuck about anyone but themselves, so why are you writing Ranach as a capital worldwide hero that cares for everyone suddenly???

Not only this, but his sick and twisted obsession with Iberon. I will give it partly to Kique, he hadnt changed Iberons personality and he was a pretty solid character, for Kique standards. But of course, his zoophile tendencies couldn’t help themselves and he suddenly changed Iberon to love up on Ranach, even though before he was extremely suspicious of him and absolutely hated Ranachs fucking guts. ANYWAY.

Back to the point lmao.

Ranach decides to round up Tribes, to fight the capital. The thought of MT, a fleck in the back of his mind. If it’s even there at all.

What strikes me odd is how Kique attempts to write this narcissistic character, but fails miserably cause all Ranach is in the story, is a Rogio obsessed man whore. Now suddenly Kique wants to make Ranach a hero and WOOHOO save Aedra. Now this plot might have made more sense if Kique had Ranach rebel against his father, with Kargo and Ferah and saved MT. If he had actually made Ranach an empathetic character who saw wrong in the Tribe he grew up in, instead of trying to lick Rogio’s nuts every two seconds. But this plot line, DOES NOT WORK. Because Ranach is never shown to give a single flying hoot about the wellbeing of others, except for Rogio.

Now don’t get me wrong, Ranach does tend to show narcissism. But it is not to the extent of how a narcissist actually is. Everything Ranach does, is for Rogio. So how the hell is he narcissistic? A true narcissist would have just found a new supply and moved the hell on. Which could be argued that this would be Iberon, but Ranach quite obviously looked at Iberon the same way he did as Rogio.

The inconsistency from Ranach is really mind boggling. Like most characters in Home, he does not have a consistent personality and jumps around to better fit the agenda / scenes Kique is pushing in the story. It is quite obvious to anyone, that he favors Ranach the most, probably because he wrote him to be his sick, obsessed lover to his self insert known as Rogio. Ranach is basically the dream lover for Kique. Which, ew, you sick fuck. Roamer is also another slice of a dream lover for Kique, because it’s funny how these two are so obsessed with his self insert, Rogio. And yet in real life, he writes these characters to do things he wishes a partner would do for him. Like it’s real obvious Kique, you’re not even hiding it anymore lol.

-

And now I will gloss over the glorification that Kique gives Ranach.

In the beginning, we all are aware of how much Kique adored Ranach, drawing him in odd positions and just completely showing this character in the spotlight. Now there is no physical evidence if Ranach did things to the females intentionally or not, in MT. Jonna says “He was rarely seen with a female” and then Rogio says “Anytime you were with a female, it was a simple one time thing.” So for me, it’s hard to pin point whether Ranach was a rapist or not. But let’s just assume that he is, given the circumstances of MT. WHY would you want to draw your rapist character in sexy poses and tell your customers that a gay bar is the best way to lose Ranach. Jeffery Dahmer is that you??

The odd glorification from Kique onto Ranach, is just that… ODD. If you have followed Kique for a while and read all the docs about him, it all becomes clear why he supports certain characters and why certain characters act the way they do. A lot of them, including Ranach have bits of Kiques personality / beliefs in them. And when you actually pay attention to how the characters work, you come to find out that Kique is an asshole lmao.

-

In conclusion, it was obvious that Kique attempted to make Ranach an antagonist in the beginning of the story, but then later decided to ditch this idea for unknown reasons. Why Kique favors a character like Ranach is boggling as hell. It’s crazy because given the backstory of Ranach, you would think it would push Ranach to do MT better than his father, but Kique is a terrible writer and didn’t even see that opportunity to give Ranach a redeemable quality. Now, he’s further digging Ranach into a hole and trying to make him the good guy, which TOO LATE Kique, you already missed that train, because you can’t decide who is the antagonist anymore in your comic.

PHEW. That’s all I have to say, I figured I would give into a different perspective on Ranach and how he COULD HAVE been redeemed, but Kique sucks at writing as we all know.



[open-hearth-rpg]

#RPGaDay2024

An engaging RPG Community

It won’t come as any surprise I’m going to mention the Open Hearth Gaming Community here. 

I (edige23 aka Lowell Francis) took over as community manager, under this community’s previous identity, back in mid-2019. I’d already been acting behind the scenes, as the go-to person for GMs and in some work started at the beginning of the year to fix some issues with the community. I won’t go into why the previous manager stepped away. 

The community had already changed my life– introduced me to people around the world, giving me a chance to play with tons of different gamers, giving me the confidence to try out new hacks & games, making me a better game facilitator, and providing me with many, many new friends. I’m a chronically shy person. Unless I’m in a social situation with a clear, defined structure– I have a really hard time. It’s something I’ve known about myself and tried to work on (joining groups, doing improv, theater, etc). 

So I would go to RPG conventions to run and feel absolutely terrified and sick to my stomach before each run. But being part of the community, feeling validated for my skills, talking with new folks helped change that at least a little. I remember the first con I went to where I didn’t feel that crippling anxiety. It shocked me. 

When I took over we looked to have more open discussion with the community and implement changes/ We worked through and revised our Community Code of Conduct back in 2020. I learned a lot about what mattered to people and we worked hard to find ways to support everyone. I’ve loved it when initiatives come from the community itself. 

For example, at the start of the Pandemic in 2020, a discussion started about what we could do to support people. We knew that many folks would be cut off from face to face gaming. At that time many people hadn’t played online, didn’t understand what it involved, or had a negative view of it. The suggestion arose that we could undertake something to help show folks what it involved. 

That started what’s become our Shared Hearth Open Gaming events. It would be a free online ttrpg convention aimed at new folks. We would offer one-shots so people could easily try out online play and see best practices. It would also allow us to show off great games, many storygames, which could easily be played online with basic tools. 

And it would be free– completely volunteer run. That was important to folks. We wanted to make sure we lowered the barriers as much as we could. While we would be introducing folks to the community, we also made that a strongly secondary element. We didn’t want it to feel like an opportunistic recruitment drive. We’ve done a bunch of these events since then, bigger and smaller, and folks have stepped up to contribute each time. 

Other initiatives came from the community itself. We talked about ways in which we could serve often marginalized players or those suffering economic hardship. That led to the Open Hearth Gameway. People in the community started doing GM support camps, which has led to ongoing Game Facilitator Camp workshops for new and veteran GMs alike. We also do a yearly podcast surveying community members’ favorite games. There’s lots more. 

While there’s some “gaming discourse” which happens here– more often than not it's about games we’re playing, games we want to play, advice for running & playing, and celebrating cool things at the table. 

There’s lots more for me personally. Playing online with Open Hearth in its various forms moved me away from an insular community of players. It has changed me, I know, for the better. And it allowed me so many experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise. More than anything the community has been able to support people and give them a place. 

Many of them eventually move on when they find their own, stable ttrpg groups. Some head off to form parallel communities with a particular focus. I think that’s great. I don’t want a cult of personality community– I want one focused on play. And in that way it should support play of all kinds, even if it isn’t with us. 

I’ll admit I’m a little sad when I remember someone I played with who I haven’t seen for a while. But I’m happy when I see they’ve found a group, post their plays, talk about games they’ve developed, and seem to be in a good place.

It's bittersweet.

If you're interested, sign ups for our free online event (Sept 5th to 8th) opens tomorrow (8/20 at 1200 US Eastern)

[morallygreychaoticneutral]

I think the writers could've chosen something different rather than "I could be persuaded" since my guess is that's the main thing that is making some people have second thoughts. It's not that I personally mind the phrase because I don't think they intended Astarion to be pressured at all but hey, some players may have needed that reassurance. Either way, if they don't like it they can very well choose not to have sex with him in the graveyard, that's a valid option the game offers as well. Maybe some Tavs don't feel comfortable having sex in a public place. But there's no need to claim he doesn't want it. He is the one to initiate it in the first place! Like you said though, their hearts do come from a good place and I understand that, same for how our personal experiences color the way we see all of this differently.

Oh, there's no judgement over whether or not it's okay to go back to the brothel. It's a game, people should feel free to do anything they want. If we were to judge people over how they play it then most would be murderers and criminals IRL. Imo, this matter is more grey rather than black or white. From a role-playing perspective, Tav has no idea he will dissociate. It's just that some people have been arguing you should go back there with him because it's important to his healing journey to figure out what he likes, that it's infantilizing not to do it (to me it's the opposite of "you are a bad person if you do it"...it's more complicated than that). Which sure, it's important to do that but shouldn't he be the one to propose it? This is my personal opinion, but I also don't think having meaningless sex and orgies is really necessary for him right now, especially in such a new relationship. Like, his first "I love you" was days ago. He's had plenty of meaningless sex already, at this point in the game I think he values more the emotional connection. Still, there's every chance he could genuinely want to try something like this on his own initiative in the future (I feel similarly about the poly thing, it's also not something he proposes to Tav but rather reacts to). Meanwhile even his demeanor in the brothel sounds very performative like he did in act 1, even when he agrees to initially, if you compare his voice to his act 2 confession and the graveyard scene.

"And the lack of actual time pacing does make the game hard to track as far as where everything is in chronological time." There's an aswer to this! The game takes place over the course of about 4 months according to Withers in the Astarion Origin playthrough if you romance Karlach: "In but a dozen tendays an entire life was lived." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8f8hEmoX1k at 3:25. I don't think anyone did a breakdown of the entire timeline but I doubt the third act takes place over the course of more than one month, perhaps one month and a half at most. Which makes the entire brothel thing take place over the course of a few weeks at most: going there for the first time and then for a second time after Cazador is defeated.

I'm sorry if you felt like you had to share your story, I didn't mean to pry. I'm happy it worked out fine for you and you had someone caught what was going on in time and removed you from the situation!!

I like how you broke out the statement you are responding to. I will be implementing that in the future.

"If we were to judge people over how they play it then most would be murderers and criminals IRL."

Right?! LOL. I feel like I'm a peaceful person, but there are moments when I have an eye twitching desire to redrum some peeps.

I see what you are saying. If this was the real world, ethics would say doing that with in weeks of that revelation would be inappropriate. And letting them suggest it would be better as it gives them more control over the situation.

Only four months? Wow. That is short. It took me longer than that in real months to complete the game. LOL. But in my defense, I have to do ALL the things!

Don't feel sorry about story. You didn't pry, I offered it up. :)

I think the hardest thing about posting on these platforms, for me, is knowing if I am coming across correctly.

Anyway, thank you for the clarification and discussion!

[dmbakura]

i dont disagree with you but i must say that just because other characters say something about astarion it doesnt mean its not a valid reading of his character, at least at that point in time. like, yeah, by real life real person standards no one can read someone else accurately, but its a story so those lines are there for a reason. to me it seems theyre meant to be taken as accurate readings of his psyche, given hes not trying to put up the facade of a, as they more or less put it, "a fragile flake of snow". if the story was trying to make a point about sh/minthara wrongly making assumptions about astarion, i dont think its apparent, although it could have flown over my head tbf.

whether or not those lines were well thought out or not given the halsin situation in act 3 is something else entirely (or that perhaps hes at a healthier stage in act 3), maybe someone could even argue that his writer(s) didnt supervise those minthara/sh lines but personally i dont agree with looking at the writing process that way, but i understand why someone might get contradicting ideas about astarions stance on tav having several partners if they heard those lines.

sorry if my thoughts are a bit disjointed, im not great at words.

See, I think Minthara and Shadowheart are RIGHT about Astarion (ie that he is a lot more fragile than he lets on/might not be willing to share) but the thing is Astarion more or less says the exact same thing about Shadowheart in return (that she's not ready for a relationship like that) and I don't see anyone saying she isn't actually poly because another character clearly knows her better than she knows herself. Why does that only happen with Astarion?

Like being real here, none of the characters at the point in the story are ready for real relationships! They're all going thru it! It's been like 2 weeks and they barely know each other! And if we're taking it as a game that's not written in a vacuum, then no fucking shit they're not gonna let you date 2 origin characters at once. I said this on Twitter but its pretty obvious why the polyamory is confined to Halsin and why it's more of a triangle than a full threesome, because I have 0 fucking clue how you'd even fully implement it in the game with a romance system like this.

I'm not trying to come across like I'm mad at you or anything, I see your point, but i feel like in this case it's people's unconscious biases against polyam relationships overwriting like. Basic logic and reasoning. The game is massive and complex. There's contradicting info and unreliable narration all over the place because it's a story and that's how complex stories work. I'm not really gonna be impressed by someone's literary analysis skills if they can piece together that Astarion's arc is about figuring out what he really wants and reclaiming his trauma, yet SOMEHOW also think his character development is permanently frozen in act 2 where he's at his most insecure and that he's completely incapable of expressing what he really wants. That is not meaningful examination of the work to me.

[harvest-of-the-present]

hi, I hope it’s OK to ask this…

I’m a pagan who believes in a few different deities from different cultures, but lately I feel like I either don’t make contact with them or like they aren’t ever present. I feel bad because I don’t make altars for offerings/worship (partly because some of my family is anti-pagan). Do you have any advice or similar experiences you wouldn’t mind sharing?

hello! It's completely fine to ask this and I actually relate to your situation so I hope my answer can help a bit. The only people who know I'm pagan are some close friends who live far away so I'm also in a kind of tricky situation when it comes to offerings/altars. I'll write about some experiences I've had and things I do as alternatives and try to worship as I wish to in a way I can. It turned out to be a bit of a long post so it continues under the cut!

About feeling the deities' presence, it's okay to not do so. It happens, and I personally may feel them more when we get to know each other and as time goes on I usually feel in at specific moments or when reading/searching about them or something related to them. Sometimes when I'm on my own and think about them or something I want to do in their honor, too. The thing is, that doesn't have to always happen, and it does not have to mean they arent necessarily there or listening to you. Because they are, and I've had prayers being answered in times where I felt disconnected or even left behind for not finding time for my practice. If you reach out, there'll be there, even if it doesn't always seem obvious. Something that has helped me in these situations is to think about what kind of way to communicate with them works better for me at that specific moment. Sometimes I have alone time and I feel inclined to do a tarot reading. In other occasions, I leave praying for right before I go to sleep and I tell them about my day and wish them a good night. I've recently found out that already written prayers work the best for me when I'm busy and/or stressed because of exams. Repeating and hymn and/or a prayer with your focus on it can be more relaxing and reassuring that I remembered, but this can depend on person and situation so finding out what feels right for you could help.

In terms of altars, the most similar thing I have are Pinterest boards. However, you could always choose a specific part of a piece of furniture to put decorations on if their religious meaning isn't that easy to deduce. I don't personally have this, but when I give simple food offerings like some water in a mug, I always leave it at the same place to symbolise it's for them, and being such a common thing like water it's hard for others to suspect it is a religious offering. I've also seen an altars picrew going around to create your own digital altar, and other ways to do this could be a collage or even a tumblr blog to keep prayers, offerings and things that remind you of deities in the same place, just like a usual altar would work like.

So, most offerings I do are devotional acts. Praying, journaling, writing down affirmations, carrying things that remind me of them with me, establishing a bit of a self-care routine, listening to playlists of them, going out in their honor, thinking about them as I go on my day, being thankful towards them and the guidance they give me. The intention to honor them and that thankful feeling is always there. Sometimes it can be as simple as dedicating a break time to them, or perhaps they have advised you to do something for yourself in the past and you try to implement that in your days as a way to honor them and their words, too (that's, for example, my case with meditation, as I've always had a hard time finding a good moment in the day for it but Dionysus encouraged me to continue trying and I've found it's an activity that helps me feel more grounded and less anxious).

I think you can also adapt this depending on how you see your relationship with the deities you worship. I mostly like to see them like we are getting to know the other as I get through life, kind of a wise companion that I can rely on, so that's why I tend to tell them about my days from time to time. In other cases, when I still haven't established much contact with some, I will write them some appreciation quotes or little texts I come up with. These are usually based on things I see or find that remind me of them, so it's kind of a way to express my admiration and respect towards them. If you have more of a mentor-apprentice relationship, which is my case with The Morrígan, little acts related to what they want you to work on can be very appreciated. Getting to know them and their advice can be really meaningful in our relationship with them, that's what I think and have experienced.

Just like we like to get to know them, they will appreciate that we time time out of our days to let them now about ourselves. Both you and the way you can worship are enough, and deities will see your efforts to reach out. I hope this helped a bit and gave you some ideas!