#plus ‘this is how it should be’ is a line that i fucking hate cuz of how its treated afterwards meanwhile fucking

[hecksupremechips]

The way akishinji and ashbella both have dramatic coma scenes and dramatic shot through the heart scenes like we’ve gotta stop meeting like this 😩

[collidescopeeyes]

I love your recent swain hc! Can u pls write modern swain who would always receive handwritten notes thats always attached on his lunchbox from reader, but if reader is upset or mad at him there would be no notes or his lunchbox's food is just a plain bread

This is so fucking funny asdlkjskh

Modern!Swain misses his handmade lunches after a fight

- Swain always looks forward to your lunches, they're a highlight to his day. Not only are you a fantastic cook, but it's a little reminder that you care in the middle of what's usually a busy and high-stress day. He keeps every single note in a little box in the bottom of his desk, and if he ever needs a pick-me-up to get him through the day he reads a few at random.

- You don't fight often, but the absence of your little notes stings worse than anything you say in the heat of the moment. If he gets a lunch with no note he's spending the rest of the work day trying to figure out how to make it up to you.

- This time though, he fucked up. He's been busier than usual lately and you got into an argument about his awful work-life balance; you mentioned that it felt like he wasn't putting in much effort and he said maybe you should be putting in less effort. Instant regret but the damage was done, you storm off and he resigns himself to the doghouse. Still, his lunchbox is still on the counter when he wakes up (it's an expensive couch but it ain't built for sleeping on), so maybe you're not that mad at him? Still, he resolves to apologize as soon as you're ready to talk.

- Lowkey he's dreading lunch all work day. The upside is he gets plenty of work done; no one's dares to bother him considering the aura of death he's radiating. Rumors start circulating about who's gonna get fired but Darius tells them not to worry, he's just sulking cuz his wife's mad at him. That starts a whole other round of rumors–you’re so nice, wtf did he do to get you mad at him??

- How does Darius know this? Well. You ran into him in line at the coffee shop you both frequent and you ended up venting to him–it's obvious you're upset and he's a surprisingly good listener. You walk away feeling better and resolve to talk to Swain once he gets home–you were maybe being a bit petty with the lunch thing and you’re sure he'll apologize and you’ll work things out together if you give him a chance. Oh, but if Darius didn't have lunch for today already, did he want this? You prep everything the night before since Swain leaves so early, but you hate wasting food so you just took it with you. It's the least you could give him for hearing you out, plus it saves you trying to eat two lunches today.

- He accepts, obviously, partially cuz you're a great cook and partially cuz he doesn't want to turn you down. On his way into work though it occurs to him, if you're giving him Swain's lunch then wtf does Swain have? He has to know.

- Swain's pretty punctual, so Darius just shows up to his office at lunch time–he has some actual business matters he needs to talk to him about anyway, co-owner to co-owner. Definitely not because this is the most entertaining thing Darius has seen since Swain was stressing out over you introducing him to your parents. Nope. Swain actually welcomes the distraction at first–Darius rarely has lunch with him so it must be important.

- Picture this. Swain, opening his lunch box to a single slice of white bread. Unbuttered. He stares. He looks up. Darius, shit eating grin, unpacking his lunch. And Swain knows that's his fucking lunch, that's all the stuff you had in the kitchen and your cooking and Darius doesn't even like cheese.

- You know that meme where one kid gets the cute bear cutout bread and the other one gets crust with a bear shaped hole in the middle? Yeah.

- Neither of them says a word. You could cut the silence with a knife. Swain gets up and leaves without another word. He's taking a half-day and nobody dares stop him. Actually no, he's taking a long weekend, Darius can manage without him and if he can't, that's his personal problem. He's got a heartfelt apology to make.

- (He does in fact apologize, you sort it out and you go on a nice weekend trip together. Darius will insist this was part of his plan. Honestly the company couldn't handle it if you two fought for much longer, and employees everywhere offer up a thanks to your benevolence–being around Swain when he's in a bad mood is stressful.)

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

I marked this as it containing "violence" because their warnings are almost limited as far as suicide goes. But there's no actual actual violence in it.

TW ::: F!reader: Implied suicide consideration, sort of note (vague explanation - like, horrible), she doesn't do it, but I sobbed when I wrote this at just the prospect of it happening. So, proceed with care, please.

WC ::: Just over 1,200

WRITING ON THE WALL

Kiri walked into your shared bedroom and saw the look on your face. "What's the matter, baby shark?" He asked, lifting you up to toss you on his side of the bed. "You look pissed." You rolled over onto your right side to face him and nodded.

"Yeah, I don't want to be today. Everyone is pissing me off." He took your face in his massive hand and brushed his thumb over your lips.

"'M sorry, sweets. Anything ... anything I can do?" He asked, smiling down at you.

"How do you know you're not the problem?" You couldn't hide the smirk that made its way across the lower half of your face. "No, you're wonderful. You are the only one I want to be around right now, truly. Lay with me? For a little while?" Your arms raised and opened to make space for him, somehow. He's so damn big but you always make it work. You'd have arm extension surgery if you had to, just to be able to accommodate him.

"I - uh," rubbing the back of his neck, he looked a little unsure of what to say next. "I told Bakubro that I'd go to the movies with him today. In about, ahh, shit. 15 minutes. He's gonna be here in 15. I'm sorry, babe. But I'll lay with you until then!"

Eternal optimist boy.

"Hey, it's nothing! You guys go! Go have fun! I'll, I'll uh, y'know. I'll find something to do around here. I'm actually going to nap. So you get outta here and I'm going to sleep." You smiled the smile that was convincing but not too big. Not too fake. Not too needy. "Are you coming home after or going for food?" Let it fade a bit, just a simple grin now.

"Uh, I don't, I don't know. Are you sure you're ok, smalls? I've never seen you smile like that in the 9 months we've been together. I can sta-"

"No! I'm fine, I'm ok. You go. Enjoy the movie. Now get out, I need a nap or my grumpiness will know no bounds." Smile again. Dial it back this time so it's not too obvious. Good. Annnd hold it for 3 ... 2 ... 1.

There's a knock on the door and then you hear Katsuki's booming voice shatter the silence between you and Kirishima.

"I love you, Kiri. Call me if you guys get food from somewhere I like, ok?"

He stood there, spacing out on you. "I should stay ... with you. I'm not going."

"No, don't be dramatic. Go. I'll be fine. Plus, Katsuki would beat my ass if he found out I was the reason you didn't go. Seriously, get out. I love you." You stood up and walked across the bed to him and hugged him tightly. Pulling back, you kiss him on the lips and let yours linger for a few seconds.

"Shitty hair! We're gonna miss the damn movie! Come on. Let him go, y/n. For fucks sake, we'll be back later."

Fake the laugh, bury the real pain.

"I know that, I've been telling him to get gone." Kiri's brows furrowed as he watched you for any little sign that he needed to stay. But you were a master at disguising the shit that hurt the most.

He picked you up and held you close to his broad chest. You could feel his heart beating. Faster than it should have been for just standing around and talking.

"Say the words, y/n. Say them and I'll stay." He never called you by your name. Not because he didn't like it, but he just always had some cute nickname for you already lined up for any occasion.

"You should go. I won't be very much fun, and your boyfriend will hate me if you do. Hey, lookit me." You took his face in your hands and kissed him all over. I love you. Goodbye, Kiri." He looked at Katsuki and then back at you. "You're sure. Cuz fuck him."

Nodding, you shoved him out of the room and down the hallway. Waving, you locked the door and went to the bathroom. You dug out Kirishima's favorite color of lipstick and wrote on the water-stained, toothpaste splattered mirror.

"I couldn't. Sorry."

You left your clothes in a pile on the rug and turned the water on to the hottest temperature that was just tolerable and climbed in.

The steam filled the room and you felt yourself getting light-headed. You slid down the shower wall and curled up in the fetal position. Crying, you let the sobs wrack your body until you heard your phone ringing. You ripped the bathroom door open and stomped to your nightstand to see who it was.

It was Kiri.

"Hello?"

"Hey, smalls. I'm worried about you. I can't stop thinking about what you said. I'm still here, baby. I can come home. You just need to say the words." His voice was soft and calm and you could hear Katsuki arguing with him in the background.

"No, no. It's fine, Kiri. I'm good." The waver in your voice was apparent. "Don't miss the movie because of me."

You ended the call and threw the phone against the opposite wall. You sat there, letting the water roll around over your body until it went cold.

Kiri called back twice more before you got out and threw on a pair of sweatpants and his dirty t-shirt. You didn't care that your hair was still soaking wet or that your feet were bare. You didn't even care that it was only 5:30 in the evening.

You pulled out a notebook and pen and started to write.

You wrote until you fell asleep with the pen in your hand and your tears drying on the paper and on your cheeks.

When you woke up, it was almost midnight. You walked to the bathroom and saw the words you'd written the day before. You pulled out your phone and opened the camera. You took a picture of the mirror and thought about sending it to Kirishima. But that wouldn't do anything.

You went back to your room and pulled your blankets over your head. You knew he would come home, and you were going to have to explain why you acted the way you did. You just didn't know how to explain the feelings you had. You couldn't explain why you felt so fucking worthless. Why you felt like you didn't matter.

You felt the bed dip and a large hand move the blankets back. Kiri climbed under them with you and pulled you close. He didn't say anything, but he didn't exactly have to. You could feel his heartbeat again, and it was just as fast as it was before. You cried yourself to sleep in his arms and knew you were going to have to tell him everything.

You were going to tell him why you didn't want to be there when he got back. Why you didn't want to be happy. Why you felt so fucking alone in this world.

But you didn't have the words to explain what you didn't understand yourself.

So you closed your eyes and tried to sleep. You could talk about it tomorrow.

Just not today.

Not today.

[celestie0]

HI ELLIE OKAY I JUST FINISHED TTPD AND I AHVE OPINIONS 😭 first half of the album was ehh idk how to feel abt fortnight considering it’s the single for this album I think it was good not that good though it wasn’t amazing like lavender haze I really loved ttpd (the song) I think my boy only breaks his favorite toys were good but so long London was a HUGE disappointed I think we all hyped it up so much and we all ended up getting disappointed because it wasn’t what we wanted or expected but daddy I love him WAS SO GOOD especially the lyric Where it goes “I’m having his baby no I’m not,but you should see your faces” GAGEDDD I WAS GAGED I also really liked fresh out of the slammer especially the kind banging sounds ik it wasn’t banging but bear w me 😭😭 guys English isn’t my language you can’t blame me fr 😂😂 who’s afraid of little old me WAS SO GOOOD and I can do it with a broken heart especially when she goes “I’m so depressed I act like it’s my birthday everyday Im so obsessed with him but he avoids me like plague” and the upbeat music makes it so much better the anothology was so much better then the normal version definitely really loved the black dog that song really stood out to me imgonnagetyouback WAS SO GOOD I saved that one I hate it here was also really good 😭 thanK you aIMee THE SHADE THROWN AT KIM ?? Taylor mother fucking swift did it AGAINNN 😭😭🤞🏻 she ate her up so bad if I was Kim I would be so embarrassed rn 😭☠️ Cassandra also stood out to me I think this was abt the kimye situation Robin was ehh I think it’s a grower for me honestly but the Bolter and the manuscript were pretty good as if noe I think I’ll probably enjoy the album way more if I just listen to it more a little disappointing but that’s fine cuz there were amazing tracks on here and tbh I am not mad at it now I just need to watch the fortnight music video but I’m too overwhelmed rn so I need a break a little 🥲 now I’m just probably gonna wait for Somone to break down the tracks and point out the hidden clues in the mv 😭😭☠️

hiii bb omg your opinions are pretty much exactly mine LOL <333

yeahh i agree w you, w midnights lavendar haze was likee....it set the TONE for the album yknow hahaha. i remember first listen for it n i was like aight im locking in after hearing that. but i heard fortnight n was like...ehhh i hope it gets better. i liked ttpd too i thought it was lyrically p good song plus the line ab the ring omg i was gagged. yea SLL was disappointtinggg i was rlly looking forward to that one ripping my heart out LOL but it...didn't

"but daddy I love him WAS SO GOOD especially the lyric Where it goes “I’m having his baby no I’m not,but you should see your faces” GAGEDDD I WAS GAGED"

HELP SAME HAHAHA I WAS WATCHING A BUNCH OF TIKTOKS YESTERYDAY OF PPL REACTING TO THAT LYRIC AND IT'S SO FUNNY xD tbh when i first heard it it didn't really sink in for me so i was just vibin w it but then i was like damn. imagine if she announced to the world she was pregnant through a song like that ahhah i was shocked when i heard it again in second chorus. she was so insane for that

agghh idk 'who's afraid of little old me' and 'i can do it w a broken heart' were big time misses for me lol i haven't listened to them again since first listen but it's just cuz i don't really like those kinds of songs from her (specifically referring to the lyricism on these ones) but idkkk i could just be a hater LOL cuz my friends rly liked icdiwabh but it might grow on me, we'll see,, it's def catchy!! kinda silly but she kept it so real

YESSS i think the black dog is in my top three from album :'') i had it on repeat driving to work yesterday and i cried ??? w every listen ??? idk something ab the end of the bridge where she holds the note on "old habits die screaming" omg i sob. and i'mgonnagetyouback was also SO GOOD i think that song is the type of edgy ts lyricism i enjoy (as opposed to icdiwabh & who's afraid of lil old me)

THENK YOU AIMEE WAS WILDDD i think that's the song that had me the MOST GAGGED BC GAT DAYUM. the part where she alludes that kim's kids will be coming home from school singing songs that SHE WROTE that only the two of them know are throwing shade at kim plsss. that's wild n i'm so glad she had the balls to release that song hahah good for her

i also really liked clara bow, the part where she said "you look like taylor swift" alluding to how someday she too will be gone n only remembered for her legacy was wilddd n made me emotional ngl. also i lovedd peter too def in my top three too. also loml is probs my fave

sameee i haven't watched the new mv yet haha i think i might stream it on tv later tonight. sorryyy bb that' you're overwhelemd hope you're taking care of yurself n that your exams szn is going okay!! <33 ty for sharing your thoughts w me

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Happy destruction

Gordon Merkel was not having a good night. Scratch that. The whole week had been an utter shit show. This was just the absolute most annoying way to end it.

“Why am I always chosen for these assignments? I’m not the youngest agent and I definitely don’t enjoy the music.” He complained into his phone.

Looking around, it was hard to believe that anything was going on. The endless warehouses in every direction, and sub par lighting hardly helped illuminate the area. Not that anyone would want to look at the gray block walls or dirty concrete, but it left a lot to be desired. If it weren’t for the pounding telltale bass, he’d swear he was in the wrong place.

“That’s exactly why you’re the best man for the job. You won’t get distracted by the pretty lights, and I don’t have to mention avoiding the scantily clad women as well.” His boss chuckled over the secured line. “It should be so loud, no one will even notice he’s dead till you’re long gone. I will be waiting on the confirmation.”

With that, the line went dead and Merkel stepped out of his vehicle. Glancing around, he lit a cigarette and took a deep inhale. Letting the nicotine calm his frazzled nerves, he closed his eyes, wishing for silence. He hated being an assassin. He’d much rather gather intel or get documents. He had no issue with being support for someone else that he knew killed people. He just never was able to not be bothered by being the cause.

He loved his job. It definitely wasn’t boring and he felt like sometimes he was really making a difference, but then jobs like this came along and he questioned if maybe he’d given up everything for petty bullshit.

In his line of work, he couldn’t have any attachments. No relationships or entanglements. He wasn’t allowed to get close to anyone or offer any type of transparency to anyone. He constantly was moving around and changing identities, so even if he did make the error of getting attached, he put that person in danger from the enemy and his own organization as well.

He’d always been a lone wolf and liked his solitude. Women were never a challenge and only interested him for shallow carnal interactions. He’d never been infatuated or obsessed over anyone with a pulse. Work was his entire universe and he rarely second guessed it.

Except when he had to go in a noisy night club full of sweaty people, and seek out a needle in a haystack. To add some more aggravation, he had to take out a target in the organized chaos, and then get out before the army of idiot meat head bouncers took notice.

“What look are you going for? Fucking mobster ?”

Merkel’s eyes popped open and he turned jerkily to an apparent fairy girl. Long silken tresses, elaborate make up, drawing attention to large blue eyes and full pouty lips only added to the glittery bra and skirt finished off with large purple wings. What this stunning girl was doing in this area escaped him a moment before realizing she was likely there for the same club that he was. L

Not able to stop himself, he laughed heartily at the girls expense before asking her what the fuck she was. “Let me guess! The tooth fairy? Sparkle fairy? Am I close?”

The girl crossed her arms and glared. “This is a happy hardcore event.”

“Obviously.” He stated, gesturing to her ensemble with his cigarette. “Thanks for your concern, but I hardly think a designer suit will be looked down on in a club.”

“It’s a good thing you’re so pretty, cuz you sure are fucking dumb. How did a guy like you even hear about this? I hardly think it’s your scene.”

Not comfortable with all the questions, he dropped his cigarette and turned to make his way towards the underground club in the warehouse district and get this over with.

“It’s just you’re really gonna stand out and look like a cop or something, and then no one will like you. I’m all about PLUR. Plus you’re a very pretty boy.”

Freezing mid stride, he had to admit she brought a great point forward. If everyone in there looked like Ms sparkle tits right here, he would stand out and that was never a good thing when you were trying to get in and get out with little notice. But he really didn’t want to know what the male counterpart of her get up was.

Cursing his superiors, and his profession, he turned around offering his most playful smile. “Well then I hope you have some idea of how to make me acceptable. Make over maybe? I’m all out of wings and glitter unfortunately-“

“Lucky for you, I always come preparede!” The fairy girl squealed, reaching out and snatching his hand. “Come to my car and we can make you presentable! I have the perfect vision if you trust me.” Pulling him along, he couldn’t help but smirk at her enthusiasm.

“I have a hard time trusting people.”

“That’s sad but it’s ok. I will fix that.” She smiled back at him.

Lifting a single brow incredulously, he did a scan of the area to be sure she wasn’t leading him to a dark corner to get robbed by some amateur.

Stopping at a large Mercedes SUV, the cars lights flashed as the car seemed to sense her near. Opening the tailgate with a push of a hidden button, the back revealed an assortment of brightly colored accessories. “Jesus you weren’t kidding.” He mused.

“Take your shirt off.” She demanded as she began to paw through her items.

“But you havent even bought me dinner.” He teased as he began unbuttoning his shirt. He hadn’t really had any fun lately, and eventhough this girl was bossy, she seemed pretty fun. The more he looked at her, the better looking he realized she was as well. Underneath all the make up and glitter and wings was a very nice body and gorgeous face. His target may just be gifted with a few more hours. “Seriously though, isn’t it dangerous to meet strange men, lead them down a dark alley and get them naked?”

Huffing indignantly, she turned scanning his torso up and down, “I’m an excellent judge of character and you’re harmless. Not exactly a gentleman, but a good guy.”

Merkel bit back his scoff and just nodded in agreement. She really was just too cute. Terrible fucking judge of character however. “What’s your name?” He asked before he could really think about it.

“Lark. Yours?”

“just Lark? No last name?” He stalled, as he went through his aliases and tried to decide on the most fitting one for the city that he also was willing to throw away since he’d never be able to use it again. He had 5 different IDs on him, and was certain this place would card.

“Lark Stark. I know, it’s horrible. My dad and his sense of humor.”

Gordon’s stomach dropped, but his smile never wavered. His targets last name was Stark. He owned the place along with most of the rest of the warehouses in this district. He hadn’t been told what he’d done to become a target, but none of the people he went after were upstanding citizens. They were the worst of the worst. Human traffickers, drug lords, serial killers for hire, weapons smugglers, enemies to their countries and the list went on. He instantly looked at her more cautiously now. No children of the evil elite were innocent. At least knowing that fact, would make it easier not to feel guilty when he ducked her over.

“My name is nearly as bad. Bruce Wayne.” He needed to get rid of that alias anyway. Seemed like a funny joke at the time, but it stuck out too much.

Lark burst into giggles. “No it’s not! That’s funny. We both have superhero alter ego last names. I think we’re soulmates.”

“Obviously.” Full smile.

“Ok now let me finish.” She said before getting back to drawing all over his face and body.

It appeared she was just going to put brightly colored black light paint all over him and hopefully call it good.

Not really able to see what she was doing to him, he just decided to let her have her way. Besides, the more shit she put on him, the harder he’d be to identify. He couldn’t help but admire her face as she made the cutest look of concentration. Every time their eyes met, she’d blush adorably. He really wanted to fuck her.

Finally stepping back to admire her work, before jumping up and down and clapping, he was all set to go dance his little heart out with the gorgeous glitter fairy, and maybe even get his rocks off with her in some dark corner or bathroom. Since her dad owned the joint, maybe there was a secret room he could properly fuck her in. She really was nice to help him like this, and she seemed like she was a ray of sunshine, even in the darkest places. He at least wanted to show her some kindness in return. Make her feel as beautiful as she obviously is.

Right before he killed her dad and never saw her again.

Grabbing his hand again, she swung their arms and started telling him about the DJs playing, and a bunch of music he’d never heard of. He wasn’t really listening, just watching her face as she spoke. She was so hot. Too bad he’d never see her again after this.

Coming to a halt at a non descript door, she knocked a certain pattern, and turned to him smiling.

“I think the entrance is actually around the corner,” he said helpfully. He figured she was aware of that, but he wasn’t going to act like he knew anything about anything.

“Not when you’re with a VIP.”

He didn’t know what came over him but he reached out and pulled her to him so they were nose to nose. “You’re really pretty.” He breathed out before kissing her passionately. The door opened, but he wasn’t done. Nipping at her bottom lip before pulling away and turning to the shocked door guy, he tried to will away his erection that was speedily making itself known.

“Hi Bruno!” She shouted happily before pulling “Bruce” along behind her. “This is my boyfriend Bruce. It’s pretty serious.” Turning back, she winked.

“Might as well just say fiancé and go all out. Your ring clashed with your fairy look.”

Laughing out loud, eyes sparkling, she danced as she lead him along towards a large bar. “What would you like?” She shouted over the pounding bass.

“Surprise me!” He yelled back. Taking a look around his surroundings, he noticed several people were watching them. So much for not getting noticed.

“Are you a slut?”

Merkel would of choked if he had been drinking something. “Excuse me?”

“Are you a slut?” She asked nonplussed, “it’s just I don’t want to be seen with some pretty man whore that half the girls in the room have fucked and look like an even bigger idiot.”

Merkel for the first time that evening, considered the feelings of the girl before him. She was trying to put on a brave face, but she had obvious tells he was trained to pick up on. She had bitten her lip a bit so it was slightly swollen on one side, her toe was grinding into the floor, and a piece of her perfectly curled hair, looked like it’d been chewed on at some point. He’d noticed earlier that her cuticles looked abused as well. All signs of anxiety or some type of insecurity.

Grabbing her hand and pulling her into a hug so she could hear him in the ridiculously loud club, he soothed, “I’m not a slut, I’m not a saint either. I travel a lot and cannot be a boyfriend, but I would love to spend the evening with you. You’re extremely gorgeous and I have no expectations, I’d just really like to know you.”

Pulling back to see her face, she offered the most breathtaking smile that literally took his breath away.

Later he would look back and realize that right at that moment, he should of turned around, run away, and never looked back.

[izzy-b-hands]

34 & 44!

Connie!!! Thank you!! 💖💖💖💛💛!

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

This is where the Autism kicks in akdnfkgng, even if I dislike a song (like actively hate lmaooo) if I hear it enough it will be stuck in there, fully remembered, forever. I can't remember my cousin's bdays without it being marked already on a calendar, but if someone asked me to sing any song I hate for karaoke? (Let's go with Blurred Lines because I watch an old Big Fat Quiz ep and guess what they played more than once 🙃): I could do it. It might not sound good, but by god every word would be there.

On the plus side, songs I love also stick in there easily, which means there's also a selection of MCR, anything that's ever been on a Saints Row soundtrack, the entire OFMD soundtrack (literally have not relistened to The Chain because it's been in my head on repeat since I watched it 😂)

Fuck the Autism also kicked in on this answer (and the next im so sorry ilu) what a book, forgive me for these lmaooo

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

Okay so I'm v stoned and got waaay too deep into this question ngl like. considering who and the concept of revenge and vigilante justice and would seeking the other person's death really create an overwhelming sense of fulfillment and peace, or simply mutate the current grief into something twisted and painful that haunts one until their death? Then thinking if I undertook manipulation to ensure the death of someone else but had to spend time in their company as a result am I then no better than them for having taken their hospitality which comes from their horrific actions?

Then I realized the best answer is probably Thomas Hardy or (and hoo boy am I a little scared to note this one hence writing it to evade tags) J./K./R./

The first because I hate having to read his sad sack books and like. I think it would be a mercy to kill him and put him out of his fucking misery. "Because we are to meny" fuck u Tommy Boy that shit destroyed me

And the second because her work was a huge part of my childhood. I loved that shit; I still have merch from my middle school days even that is in storage to be burned later. At one point I had planned a tattoo of a fave line even (I'm glad I waited, but had I gotten it I think now I would just be figuring out a good cover up design. That's just me personally tho cuz like. who tf gets a fun fandom tattoo and then expects This Shit from the author, ya know? I didn't as a kid, planning for that tattoo while I reread the books.)

As a result of who she's revealed herself to be and what she believes, I've cut that part of myself out like a cancer (tearing up the old books and using them for art projects, the merch burning is probably going to be done this or next summer or whenever we aren't in a damn drought with bonfire bans) but bits of it linger, ya know? Like I'll think of a song from middle school and then be blasted with the memory of how I played it on repeat while reading the latest in the series, and then remember Why i haven't been able to listen to the song in years

I wish i could literally erase all of it from my memory, never see the books or merch or the movies (on streaming sites too) ever again. But since I can't, though I keep on trying, I would settle for doing to her what she thinks should happen to people like me

However she also seems like a scrapper and she's taller than me so tbh I dunno if I would be successful or if it would be a mutual fight to the death, but I would be fine with that too. Not a win-win, but not every situation is in life lol

[zumpietoo]

Sooo....Think I’ll Start

with the worst:

Sophia’s interview of Kiernan.....cuz just, she’s also a disgusting asshole who can’t stop from pushing HER icky agenda/pimping her lame faves:

https://thenerdsofcolor.org/2022/07/10/kiernan-shipka-talks-returning-to-riverdale-nabrina-and-more/

Umm....no. She is not “beloved” and that was not a “twist”. Nobody GAF.

Ummmm...first off, it showed ‘Brina as an entitled user who took credit for everybody else’s accomplishments and made them take all the risks. As well as a time waster so RAS could, once again, insert a pointless “party” scene. 

“Those girls”. My god...and yes, a “dance break” is exactly what one needs when mere hours remain to get shit done and multiple lives are on the line.....cuz not like you couldn’t dance AFTER everybody’s been saved.

“Have dialogue together”????? You mean act scenes with lines? 

On top of everything else? Kiernan’s really fucking dummmm.....just like Sophia.

Oh and OFC she immediately redirects shit to talking about Cole....because, LBR, “having dialogue with those girls” was distinctly NOT her favorite part. At all.

No, she looked like shit, the wig was wrong and her huge very dark caterpillar eyebrows were fugly. Plus, dude, fooled nobody with the boob padding. 

You played Sabrina for a year and 10 months, with a six month break in there....so 14 months. FAR from “so long”, you fucking asshole. You absolutely do not “know these sets”, because the only Plaiderdale set you’d performed in previously, for 2 seconds of airtime, was Thornhill. Not Pop’s/Pop’s in the Skyee, etc. 

And this is not “your job”, any more. This was a guest spot, you pointless asshole. Also, we all know what you mean is “I hit on Cole”.

Brina is done, moron. Yes, you may have moar guest spots on Plaiderdale (unfortunately), but it’s done. Also, stop begging. It’s unseemly....AND 

A) RAS is already busy playing moar with his nu toy

B) Plaiderdale’s in its final season....with a doubtlessly slashed budget and needing to wrap up shit for its actual characters, not fucking your ass.

C) Streaming platforms are also losing subscribers/revenue, so it’s not gonna get picked up by one of them

D) CW’s sale translates to an already veryyyyy different landscape. It most assuredly does not include you

E) You were a flop to being with (even when RAS had Plaiderdale goodwill), got passed and parceled to Netflix (when they’d buy anything) and cancelled in two seasons. Your show failed. Only Kitty Litter Swell failed harder (and even THAT got a network pick up). SUCK IT

Umm.....WTF is this “everything”? Yes, they’re in the same Archieverse, but no, there’s minimal crossover---and, honestly? Nobody GAF. 

No, Kiernan, you demanded it, because you’ve nursed a crush since forever and we also know RAS paid you jack shit. 

Also, Cole was “committed” because he’s a professional. You should try that sometime!

Duuudde, you’d fucking know if you had. What a crock. Confirmed they hate each other----No, moar likely, “oh my god, thank the lord I didn’t have to deal with her ass for once” (and I despise “Gav”, too). 

I love faux feminism!!! Pointless lip service to “girl power” for the win!!! Entitlement rocks!!!

Sabrina isn’t selfless, nor does she have “tenacity”. She DOES embody “white feminism” in that she exploits her privilege, given to her because of who her daddykins is. No “passion for justice” and “standing up for what she believes in”, again, entitlement....

And goood lord.....she’s the kween of hell, not fucking Santa you asshole. 

Also....Mary Sue much?

Yes, cuz if there’s ONE THING this show needs, it’s moar scenes between entitled whores with wildly inflated egos who can’t act for shit playing entitled whores with wildly inflated egos. 

And by “teacher/adult witch” you mean “made everybody do all the dirty work while you took credit”??

And save your pointless fanfic.

Please dear god nooooo.....or have her hit on Douchie this time. Yeah, so “helpful”. Dude, stop begging for work. 

Good lord, Sophia, keep your creepy skirt down! How many different ways, in this brief, pointless thing can you whine for that? 

Also, again, has to bring up something Cole, huh, Kiernan?

OMG....her endless word salad blabbering. Leave Cole alone and never speak AGAIN.

Fans really do not. Unless you mean yourself, Mr. 58 Seconds and Kiernan, Sophia---and no, they didn’t. Ratings dipped. Oh good lord. Barfffff

OMG. Sophia, stop asking the same stupid. Also, Nabrina has shippers?

Nobody cares. It’ll end with her ded, after all

OMG.....your show is ded and cancelled. RIP and Suck it. 

Unlike your ass, “Gav” has a job....

Yes, keep hope alive that your flop will return to be ignored some moar

OMG.....fuck off, both of you. Nobody GAF. Also, yes, thrilling. Sitting in a booth drinking coffee. Good fucking lord. 

No, we don’t. As it is we live with endless circle walking (like this ep) and filler. 

No, they really don’t. Ratings confirm as much. 

Oh and now, apparently, we end with Sabrina is literally the baby jeebus

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Steven Stone and his S/O visiting Galar headcanons

beep beep. it's 1am, i'm back in college tomorrow (well technically today but whatever) i just listened to that one super sad song from Gen 5 (you know the one) so i haven't proofread this. also it's super long cuz i had MANY thoughts.

thanks to the anon who requested this :) there's some reference to alcohol consumption (dw everyone is of age) and possible ORAS spoilers (but not really)

Enjoy!

Why is Steven going to Galar?

For rocks, of course

Why are you going to Galar?

For Steven, of course

Well it’s actually a whole lot more existential and romantic than that

Steven had just retired from being champion

And taken quite the firm break from his Devon obligations

He realised how short and precious life was

How he should spend his time doing things he loved

And seeing the world with his own eyes

And feeling it in his heart

He wanted to experience all of this with you

The most priceless gem in the world to him

Sure this also meant he would spend plenty of time on your tips looking for rocks

But it was still so worth it to you

When you first land in Galar, he has a surprise for you!

Matching, chic metal bracelets that have wishing stars in them!

He thought the Dynamax bands were very ugly and that wouldn’t do for either of you

You spend a total of five months there

Moving from hotels to holiday homes to tents and back again

Steven is a bit strange when it comes to accommodation

Your holiday homes in Postwick, Ballonlea and Freezington

Aare spare but quaint, much like his Mossdeep home

But the views are amazing!

Your tent, while very warm and high-quality

Is still just a tent

But the hotel rooms?

He spared zero expense

I’m talking a 24hr concierge, private hot tub, silk sheets, personal masseuse AND chef

The works

They’re the best, especially after a long day of hiking or mining

When you are camping, you’re obviously on curry-duty

Turns out, Steven isn’t totally useless in an outdoor cooking situation actually

He knows what materials you’d need for a good fire and where you might find them

And he’s pretty knowledgeable when it comes to berries too!

Naturally, you carve out some time to do afternoon tea every couple days!

Visiting tea rooms and gorging yourselves on scones and cream and jam

And chatting with all the locals

Hoenn is pretty warm and tropical

And Steven’s favourite season is summer

He just loves warm sunny weather

So, he kinda hates Galar’s climate

Often it’s cold, and grey and drizzly, and miserable

When you decide you’d like to go out on such days

It’s one of the few times you’ve seen him huff and pout like a child

Highkey, highkey, it’s adorable and funny as FUCK

He does really like the Crown Tundra and Circhester though

But you think it’s mostly for the sights and the Beldum-line in the former

And the cozy atmosphere and baths of the latter

Oh and Bob’s your Uncle!

Seriously though, those baths are amazing!

When you two went, it was at night, and it snowed

It was such a magical experience, so warm and relaxed in the baths, while surrounded by glimmering snow and shimmering flakes

You made sure to share a very romantic kiss there

Somehow while on the Isle of Armour

You end up on a double-date with Digging Pa and Ma

You’ve never felt so much like a third (or I guess fourth?) wheel in your entire life

You swore your ears were bleeding rocks after you spent an entire evening listening to them discuss mining techniques

Never again

Arceus, he loves the Corviknight taxis

He can’t get over how cool it is being carried around by a huge steel-type bird!

He even caught one for himself, plus a little Roly-Coly!

Despite no longer being champion, you KNOW Steven gets some battling in

Most of it was demolishing trainers but there were also plenty of Dynamax raids too

Those were super fun!

Though even you got a little spooked when you saw how G I A N T his metagross got while dynamaxed

Galar has such a rich history, so you make sure to visit many museums

And all the castles you can find

Steven is basically a prince, you’re practically a royal couple, you deserve to visit a castle and share a kiss in one!

Some days you accompany him as he traverses deep within the Galar mines

Admiring the beauty of the twinkling gems and helping him out there

Other days you leave him be, and go off on your own adventure

Whether that be catching new Pokemon in the wild area, meeting new people, shopping, trying out a new experience, etc

And at the end of the day you meet up and chat about what you’ve done over dinner and cuddles

Of course, he also shows you everything he’s found in great detail

He’s so earnest and excited and cute when he talks about his rocks, bless his expensive wooloo wool socks

In Hoenn, the gym-challenge is a definitely more personal endeavour

The audience is small if any

And gym-leaders are minor celebrities at best

Sure Steven is famous

He is/was the strongest trainer in his home region

But he’s also well-known because he’s an heir to an uber-successful, recognisable corporation

And he’s drop-dead gorgeous!

In Galar, it’s so different

Giant stadiums, uniforms, crazy stans, brand deals…

Neither of you know if you like it very much

Though that doesn’t stop Steven from participating in an exhibition match against Leon

Honestly it seems like a bit of a (light-hearted) dick-measuring contest to you

You think he might be a bit jealous but whatever

It’s an explosive match for sure

You cheered si hard for Steven your voice nearly gave out

There were many close-calls

But unfortunately Leon won

(you can’t wait for the day he drops the ‘un’ from his epithet)

You make sure to give your dreamboat a big hug and a kiss afterwards

He’s a bit sad he lost, but he had a pretty good time anyways

Besides, he ain’t a champion anymore, it doesn’t count 😎

Afterwards you end up spending the rest of the day with Leon and the gang

Having a blast, discussing battling and cultural differences, eating and drinking from all the trendy places in Wyndon

You and Steven are a bit older, and a bit more mature than them, so you kinda end up the parents of the group for the night

Not that you mind though, even if it does make you feel a teensy bit old when you decide to retire to your hotel instead of getting wasted

Ah, well it means more cuddles and no hangover so it’s secretly a win!

It’s hard to say goodbye to Galar, even if you promise to visit again

You did a lot together, and made many memories

But you’re excited to embark on the next part of your journey with the love of your life <3

[dianapana]

SH Day 9 – Never Have I Ever

@sasuhinamonth

Rated T, Modern AU, OOC

Oof , for this one ideas just wouldn't come to me, so once again I looked through older stories I never finished and found this one which I thought fit to a certain degree. I didn’t really wanna go the normal route of the game itself, so I just interpreted the prompt as a new experience. I hope you enjoy, ~Love, Dia

It wasn’t uncommon for people to randomly sit down at his table, especially if those people were girls. They’d stumble onto the seat and act like it was all an accident, like they didn’t see him and thought the table was empty, or that they tripped and ‘landed’ on the seat. Other times they’d ask if they could sit because there were no free tables anymore, granted this last excuse happened to be true once or twice, but usually, it was just a lie and the two would sit in awkward silence for a few moments staring at each other with a number of empty seats all around.

However, the person sitting across from him was a girl he saw around the diner quite often, urgency written all over her face. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her, but the situation didn’t faze him at all, thus he continued eating, putting 2 French fries in his mouth and slowly chewing, waiting for her to state her reason and purpose.

“I need you to pretend we’re here together” Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. “My ex just walked in and I’m not in the mood to deal with him. If I’m here with someone, in this case you, he’ll either leave me alone or he’ll at least leave sooner.” His eyes moved to a guy that was just walking to the counter still obvious to his ex-girlfriend. “Please…” her eyes were begging him to help.

Sasuke sighed and pushed his milkshake her way. “It’d be strange if we were here together and I was the only one that had ordered something” Her pale eyes lit up like Christmas trees.

“Thank you so much. I’m Hinata by the way” She gave him a genuine smile. He nodded her way.

“Sasuke. I’d shake your hand but that would look strange since we’re supposed to be here together.”

For a second, silence fell over their table but Hinata started giggling at what he just said, her laugh could have also been intertwined with nervous laughter for it was a little too loud for Sasuke’s own liking, either way, he couldn’t help but smirk her. Naruto would freak if he saw Sasuke talking to a stranger, a girl no less, and not only that, but he was actually putting in the effort to help her and maintain a conversation. He had never willingly had a conversation with a stranger before.

Sadly Hinata’ sudden laughing fit turned the attention of a white-haired guy, also known in Sasuke’s head as the girl’s ex, to them. The said guy looked their way, moment in which Sasuke noticed the myriad of feelings showing onto his expression, he seemed to go from hopeful to confused to slightly irritated and then settle for putting on a fake smile and strolling their way.

“Hinata, long time no see, how are you?” The ex-boyfriend looked at her and gave Sasuke a not-so-subtle glare. He took in their table before raising an eyebrow and immediately asking another question, essentially cutting Hinata off before she could answer his first question. “Matcha milkshake? I thought you hated those”

“Oh, I used to yea, but I think they changed the receipt here. I tasted one sip from when Sasuke ordered one last time and it was pretty good, so today I wanted to see for myself” She said smoothly and took a big sip of her, well…his milkshake. “And I’ve been pretty good. How about yourself?” She smiled way too sweetly at him.

“Uh…can’t complain” He took another second to examine them again. “Well, I was actually thinking maybe we can get together and have dinner sometime next week?”

“Dude, you don’t ask out a girl when she’s already out with another guy, that’s just fucking messed up” Sasuke said, without actually meaning to his voice got deeper and he glared at the ‘ex-boyfriend’. He didn’t care that he and Hinata weren’t there together for real, it’s a universal rule you don’t ask out a girl if she’s there with a date, that’s just a douchey move.

Hinata was grinning at him from behind her hand, her eyes glittering with amusement. Sasuke had to admit something to himself, the strange girl was pretty, but she was even more beautiful while she smiled.

“Chill dude. I didn’t think this was a date” he said raising his hands as if trying to say he meant no harm. “I mean who the fuck brings a date at this shitty diner” He whispered under his breath, but both Hinata and Sasuke heard him and their moods turned pretty dark. Sasuke’s instinct was the punch the guy’s lights out, another new feeling he hadn’t experienced, at least not because of a girl. He is usually in control of his emotions and rarely loses his cool.

“Sasuke wanted to go have a sweet picnic in the park near my house, which was so thoughtful and sweet, but sadly the weather didn’t agree with him because it started raining. That’s when I remembered how I wanted to taste the milkshake, so I proposed we came here to wait for the rain to stop.” Sasuke had to admit, her lying skills were top-notch, her story had a natural flow to it, she composed a strong and believable narrative with pretty much no holes, her delivery too added to its credibility, fot she spoke with such ease. Hinata reached for his hand that was on the table and squeezed it while spreading her web of lies. Sasuke noticed the ex-boyf rolling his eyes, and a part of him felt utter satisfaction from the jerk’s annoyance.

“Whatever. I gotta bounce anyway. See you around” He turned and started walking out the diner without waiting for a reply. Sasuke snorted when he noticed that the ex didn’t even purchase anything. He was lost in his own world of trash-talking the guy but was got distracted by the petite girl in front of him that whispered not so quietly “I fucking hope not.”

“Well, that was fun.” He smirked at her. “Let me guess, bad break-up?” Hinata sighed and ran both hands over her face.

“The worst. It was a set up and we went on a few dates which were fine I guess, but I just didn’t really want a relationship at the time, or at least not with him. Either way, the break-up itself took like 3 hours cuz he just wouldn’t accept it.” She took another sip of his milkshake and gaged. “Oh god, I forgot how awful this tasted.” She said more to herself, it didn’t take her a full second to turn beet-red.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry this is yours. I d-didn’t mean to drink from it, it just happened. Let me buy you a new one” She got onto her feet but Sasuke grabbed her wrist and forced her to sit back down.

“Don’t worry about it. You barely drank any”

Had he been in his right mind he’d tell the girl to buy him extra fries too for the trouble and then he’d tell her to scramble. But for some reason or another, he didn’t want her to leave just yet. He pulled the glass back to him and drank from it just to prove to her everything was fine.

“I don’t understand how you can drink that. It’s not even sweet” Her nose wrinkled in disgust, Sasuke didn’t throw the world ‘cute’ around easily but she looked adorable.

“I hate sweets. So, this is perfect” Her jaw dropped, she looked like he had just said he hated puppies and his mother. Hinata blinked a few times, closed her mouth and opened it to say something, closed it back again. She looked genuinely confused, like someone that hated sweets wasn’t meant to exist.

“I-I don’t understand. How can you hate sweets? T-They make the world a better place. Don’t tell me that after a shitty day you don’t go home to eat a gallon of ice cream with a dozen of cookies because I will not believe you”

Now it was his turn to gag just thinking about the amount of sugar in the ‘snack’ she described. His reaction repulsed her.

“Oh wow. I’m perplexed. I had no idea people like you existed”

The fact that she said it with straight face made him believe she honestly didn’t think that what he said could be true, which for some reason he found extremely funny.

“Huh, you learn something every day.” She said with a smile, it seemed she had gotten over her confusion and found the whole conversation quite as amusing as he did.

A waitress came over to take Sasuke’s now empty milkshake glass.

“Would you like anything else?”

“Could you please bring me a veggie burger and a blueberry lemonade? And some fries too” She ordered and it relieved him that she did, he hadn’t had a lunch companion besides Naruto in a while.

“I’d also like some fries and another matcha milkshake”

“I’ll be right back,” The older woman said and left right away. When he turned back to the girl before him, she was staring at him with a small smile on her lips so he raised an eyebrow at her.

“I was sure you’d tell me to leave, or tell the waiter you’d like the bill and left yourself.” She put both of her hands on the table and played with her bracelet. “I’ve seen you around the diner. You’re not the…most welcoming face here and I’ve also saw you get up and leave on multiple occasions when someone sat at your table”

Her cheeks were a shade or two darker and she didn’t look at him but rather looked at her fidgeting hands. She was embarrassed for admitting she noticed him way before this encounter, she was nervous that she had crossed a line. What she said was true, he knew he wasn’t the nicest person but he did genuinely enjoy her presence, also he’d been in a number of situations where he would have liked someone to pretend to be there with him so he’d escape an acquaintance or a fangirl. Plus, the very same day Naruto told him he should do an act of ‘kindness’ a day or his karma would turn bad. He didn’t believe in the nonsense his blonde friend talked about, but when she sat down she looked in so much distress even he didn’t have the heart to tell her to leave.

“You’re right, But, you looked frightened, I’m not heartless,” He said in a neutral voice and Hinata blushed even redder. His lips twitched upward. Where did her confidence and acting skills go?

“I-I-I didn’t mean you are heartless…just…umm, uh” she was at a loss of words.

“It’s fine. You didn’t offend me” Hinata looked up at him relived.

“I didn’t? Oh, that’s really good, because I didn’t mean anything rude by what I said” her shoulders relaxed and her blush faded, not completely she was still a bit flushed but not quite as red as before.

“Since you knew there was a chance, I’d leave why did you sit here?”

Her smile softened a little. “Have you ever seen a person and had the urge to talk to them? For them to be your friend? I don’t mean to sound creepy, but every time I saw you here, I always wanted to talk to you, I just never had the courage. I guess the situation gave me the opportunity to do so. And I’m quite glad because, I don’t know about you, but I’m having a pretty good time talking to you” her cheeks flared even redder with each confession, for some reason admitting her thoughts in front of him was embarrassing. “Oh, just so you know, I’ve never done this before. I just had a pretty bad day and didn’t want it to get worse by having to be in his company for long.”

Their talk continued for a while longer until finally, their food arrived. The older waitress placed their orders on the table.

“There you go. Enjoy your food”

“Thank you” Hinata nodded at the waitress with a smile.

“I have one more question.” Sasuke said as Hinata took a sip of her lemonade, but gestured with her hand for him to go on. “What happened? When he was here you were a very smooth talker, but when you thought you offended me you seemed to be drowning in your own words”

Her blush came back and Sasuke decided he quite liked how she looked with it. She played with the tips of her hair, rolling it onto her finger. “W-when I was little, I was extremely shy, I couldn’t even look at strangers, my parents entered me in acting classes in hopes that I’d get over it. It didn’t really go as planned. I’m a lot better now, obviously but I still get anxious easily. Even so the acting classes did help me, when I’m in a crisis I seem to calm down and I’m able to collect my thoughts” She looked a bit over his shoulder in deep thought. “It’s like a defence mechanism but it doesn’t always work. Case in point when I o-offended you, which I’m sorry about again”

“I see…also you didn’t offend me, I told you this before. You only stated your opinion, which was true by the way”

She smiled at him once more and they started eating, it wasn’t complete silence, they made small talk asked about normal things, hobbies, friends, school and all that. Once they were finished and Sasuke asked for the bill since it was getting pretty dark and the rain finally stopped, he noticed her playing with the bracelet again.

“Something wrong?”

“Huh?” she looked up at him confused.

“You were fidgeting your hands like you did before when you were nervous. Is something bothering you?”

Hinata opened her mouth. They had spent about 2 or 3 hours together and he was able to pick up some of her habits already. He did seem like the type of person that paid attention, he was quiet but observing. Without meaning to she associated him with one of those old people from the park that sit on a bench and watch everyone pass by, like they don’t belong to this world, they just witness it, they are watchers that see the smallest details.

He didn’t know what she was thinking about, but her smile was beautifully tragic, she seemed sad, or at least contemplative.

“I was just thinking how much I enjoyed our…lunch? Dinner? And was wondering how awkward it would be to…a-ask for your number m-maybe?”

He also liked when she stuttered a little. “I don’t see why not. I enjoyed myself as well”

If only Naruto saw him give his number to a girl, the blonde would never let this slide, which was also why he’d never tell his blonde best friend about the petite blue-haired girl that made his ordinary day a little bit extraordinary, she proved that sometimes doing things you’ve never done can have a good end result, in this case talking to a stranger and pretending to date led to a pleasant evening and hopefully a friend and maybe more.

[doing-all-write]

home for the holidays

Pairing: Ben x Fem!Reader (she/her pronouns)

Summary: Reader is fine with being alone on Christmas. In fact she prefers it. But when her best friend, Michael Hardy, invites her to Christmas with his family, how is she to refuse? Especially when Michael lets slip that his mysterious brother Ben will be around for the holidays... 

Word Count: 9K

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, implied sex and swearing. And so much goddamn softness, WHEW. 

A/N: HI!!!! I’M BACK!!! AND ALIVE!!! 2020 has kicked my ass in many ways but I cannot thank all of you enough for supporting me. To all my new followers, to all my old followers, to everyone who still liked and reblogged my stories, I saw all of you and it made me happier than you could have imagined in this dumpster fire year. I hope all of you made it through this year and I hope this sweet little story makes you feel better.

I would be remiss to not give a huge, massive thank you and I love you to the Lizard Ladies, @mrhoemazzello​ , @diasimar​, and @fairestkillerqueenofall​. You three are truly the wind beneath my wings, the farts in my butt, the light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t thank you enough for the love and support this year and I love you from the very bottom of my heart.

💖💖As always likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💖💖

I'm......dreaming.....of a white......Christmas

Bing Crosby's velvet voice wafted through the air, competing with the scent of pine from the lit candle as they wafted through the apartment. Swaying along to the slow beat, she measured out the final cup of flour she needed for her last batch of gingerbread. 

The air was thick with flour and if she stuck her tongue out, she was sure it would taste of baked goods. Humming absentmindedly, she popped the last batch of cookies into the oven and reached up for the towel flung over her shoulder to wipe her hands off. Pulling her phone out of pocket, she set a timer and checked her messages.

There was one from her friend, Michael: 

Mum won't let up about you coming over for the holidays

Oh? 

yeah

Why?? 

cuz she thinks no one should be alone for the holidays 

Rolling her eyes, she huffed out a breath at Michael's message. She had moved to London when a job offer had come up she couldn't refuse. To help her get the lay of the land for her neighborhood she had taken up jogging. On one of her nightly jogs she had turned a corner and-

WHAM

Groceries went flying one way and she another. As she lay groaning on the ground amidst spilled apples, she contemplated which would be worst, dying from a concussion from running into someone or dying from embarrassment from running into someone.

"You alrigh'?" 

Groaning, she slipped her hand into the one extended to her, "Yeah. I think so. My ego's more bruised than my tailbone so we'll go ahead and chalk that one up to a win." 

The chuckle caused her lips to raise up in a smirk as a woman's voice cut through the conversation, "Oh dear! Michael, I told you to watch where you're going! And this poor young woman...are you quite all right, dear?" 

Stifling a laugh at the rolled eye coming from, she could only assume was Michael, her eyes snapped back to the woman in front of her. One blond curl hanging in front of her eyes as her hands fluttered around (Y/N)'s body, not wanting to cross the line into impropriety.

"Really, it's alright! I'm alright." 

"Are you sure? I can't apologize enough-"

"Seriously! It's fine. It was no big deal. I wasn't -"

"Well he clearly wasn't either-"

The two women's voices were overlapping each other and finally the man stepped forward and gently clasped his hand around the older woman's wrist, "C'mon mum. I think she's okay." 

Eyes scrutinizing her face, (Y/N) did her best to arrange her features into someone who didn't have a concussion. 

She wasn't sure how effective it was but it seemed to quell the older woman's nerves as she nodded and took stock of the mess surrounding them.

"Oh god. Looks a bit like we've upended a fruit stall haven't we?" 

Chuckling, (Y/N) knelt down to help clean up the mess. Gently handing things over to the woman as her son placed them gently back into the bag. After the last piece of fruit had been collected, she wiped her hands on her pants and stood up with a groan.

The woman's eyes snapped back to her immediately as her son groaned, "Ahh c'mon, why couldn't you have kept that in?"

"Sorry! Not my fault I've got the bones of a 90 year old already." she grimaced as she arched her back in an attempt to stretch it out.

"At least let us walk you home, dear. Please? It'll make me feel better that you'll be alright and safe." 

Glancing over the woman and her son, (Y/N) figured the worst harm they could have done her was already out of the way so she shrugged and told them what street she lived on. 

The woman's eyes lit up, "Oh! That's not far from us at all is it, Mickey?" 

Cheeks pinking at the nickname, "Mickey" nodded and mumbled something as he became studiously interested in the ground. 

Smirking at his reaction she nodded and turned in the direction of her home. As they strolled along, (Y/N) got to know her two new friends better. Angela did live just up the street and had two sons. Michael and Ben. She was married to Keith and Michael still lived with his parents but Ben was out of the house, working as an actor. It was obvious she was proud of Ben but immensely proud of Michael as well and wanted to make sure he didn't feel left out by his brothers light. 

She stopped at the end of her walkway to her flat and pulled her key out of her pocket, "Well, I can't say I always meet people like that but I'm oddly glad we met this way." Chuckling, Michael patted her shoulder and Angela pulled her into a hug. 

As she released her, her eyes flicked over the house, "Dear, it doesn't look like anyone's home. Will they be soon?" her lips tugged into a frown. 

Rocking on her heels (Y/N) sucked in a breath, "Well...I, um, I live on my own so-" 

Before she could even finish that sentence, Angela had barreled past her, grabbing her key and getting a pot of tea on the stove and throwing a dish towel over her shoulder as she got dinner prepared. Michael walked past (Y/N), laughing at her gaping mouth and nudged her with the bag he was holding, "Welcome to the family." 

Since that day, Angela had invited her over to dinner at least once a week. She and Michael had gotten close and other than one drunken kiss, they were best friends.

In all this time though, (Y/N) had never met Ben. But, the holidays were approaching and from all of the fuss Angela had been making the last few days, it seemed like he was finally coming home. 

Her phone vibrated in her hand again. Another message from Michael and at least three from Angela badgering her into staying at their place for the holidays. 

Slumping against the counter, she let her eyes gaze out of her kitchen window and grow unfocused. 

She was used to spending the holidays alone and had actually come to prefer it. No annoying family members, no "accidentally" getting too drunk and asking conservative family members why they "fucking hate women." No. Her holidays now consisted of pajamas all day, whatever takeout was open and a whole bag of Hersehy's kisses that she ate throughout the whole day as one cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie played in a continuous loop.

But....

She did miss being around people. Feeling cozy. Playing a game after a big Christmas dinner. 

She missed Christmas dinner.

Maybe it wouldn't be all bad...

Plus she could finally see what Ben's deal was. 

And hang out with Michael. 

And Angela and Keith.

Before she could think too much about it she found herself texting Angela that she would be spending the holidays with the Hardys. 

~

"You fucker-"

"Michael! I didn't raise you to use that language!"

"He started it!" 

Rolling over in the twin bed in the Hardy's guest room, she thrust her arm out, wincing at the cold air biting into her skin. Snatching her phone from the nightstand, she quickly drew it back into the cocoon of warmth she'd created in the night. 

Sighing, she snuggled further into the blankets as she unlocked her phone, checking her messages, the white noise of Michael arguing with whoever was over made her smirk. 

Did one of your friends stop by? 

She scrolled through a few social media channels before Michael responded,

nope

Ben just got here

scared the shit out of me by hiding behind the kitchen door

almost spilled my entire cuppa

Letting loose a full laugh at that, she locked her phone, stretched one more time and pulled herself from the bed. Curiosity over meeting the mysterious Ben almost winning out over her need for coffee. 

Popping her head through a sweatshirt, she grabbed her phone from the nightstand and slid it into the pocket of her joggers. 

Trotting down the stairs, she followed the deep timbre of Michael's voice mingling with the higher cadence of Angela's and a third voice that...was even deeper than Michael's. 

Her breath hitched in her throat as she listened to the voices competing in the kitchen. The way they danced around each other, through each other and over each other in the way that only family members could talk to each other. 

Not wanting to interrupt them, she decided to peek through the door to get a feel for the room. Inching forward, being sure to miss the creaky floorboard that would give her away, she leaned forward. 

Eyes roving over the tableau in front of her, she felt her lips twitch as she saw Angela sitting in a chair, her hands clasped around her favorite mug, eyes shining with love at having her two boys back under the same roof. 

Michael was in the chair opposite, clutching his, she assumed, refilled mug.

She couldn't see Ben so she moved to the right and-

Her jaw dropped open.

Whipping around she pressed her back to the wall. Digging her phone out of her pocket she composed a new message to Michael. 

Why didn't you tell me your brother is hot?? 

how am i supposed to bloody know if he's hot or not

he's my brother

Yeah but

You could have at least given me a heads up!! 

Her spine stiffened as she heard footsteps approaching the door. Suddenly, Michael's silhouette filling up the door frame as he stepped forward to head up the stairs.

Before he got to the first step, she hissed, "MICHAEL"

Completely forgetting the fact that Michael had already had the wit's scared out of him by his own brother not a few moments before, she felt a little bad about scaring him again in the same way.

"JESUS. What is with this house I swear-"

Waving her hands in front of her, she stepped forward as she shushed Michael, "Keep it down! I don't want your brother to know I was creeping right outside the door!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't be creeping right out side of doors!"

"Fair point. How's my morning breath?"

Leaning forward, she let out a loud exhale only to clasp her hands over her mouth as Michael retched and stepped back, 

"Well. Shit. That answered my question." 

"Just...jesus...come into the kitchen and have a cuppa and then Ben and I were going to run some errands for Mum. You can come with us." 

Pulling her hands into the sleeves of her sweatshirt, she fidgeted as she weighed her options. As she went back and forth about the cost/benefit analysis of having Ben see her first thing in the morning in all her unwashed hair and morning breath glory. 

Then her rational side kicked in and realized how dumb she was being. Worrying about what a man would think of her, who gives a shit? The voice in her brain rationalized, if he doesn't like you looking like a half made muppet then he doesn't deserve you at your completed muppet. Shaking her head at the metaphor she'd created she looked up at Michael, "Yeah. Yes. Let's do that. Sorry. I freaked out there for a second."

"Yeah. You really did. It was almost as bad as that time the guy who looked like Tom Hiddleston winked at you from across the bar." 

"Well, who was the one who got him to pay for the drink she choked on and ended up spilling all over herself, HUH?"

Michael threw up his hands in defeat, turning on his heel to march back into the kitchen. Muttering under his breath, ruing the day Angela had run into her. 

Snickering, (Y/N) hitched her joggers up and padded behind Michael into the warmth of the kitchen. The only thing that felt warmer was the look emanating from Angela's eyes. 

"Morning, love. Sleep okay?"

"Yeah, Angela. Like a log. I swear the beds here are more comfortable than my own." She answered, leaning down to plant a kiss on her cheek. 

"Yeah, snore like one too." Michael snickered as he slid back into his chair.

"I...snore like a log?" 

"Yeah. That's definitely a saying."  

"She can't snore worse than you, mate." Ben chuckled as he pushed himself from the counter, extending his hand, "I'm Ben. Michael's brother."

"It's nice to meet you! I'm (Y/N)."

"I know. I heard all about how you met this family as soon as it happened. Michael gave me the play by play. But it seemed he changed his tune about how you're a, what was it?, a 'clumsy sod'?"

Gasping as she turned to Michael, he held his hands up, "It was forever ago! How was I to know that we were meant to be best friends?" His voice rising as he sank deeper and deeper into his chair.

Angela swatted Michael's shoulder as she went behind him to pull (Y/N)'s favorite creamer from the fridge as Ben laughed. 

"Fuck you! I might just keep your Christmas present for myself then!" 

"NO. You wouldn't!"

Pointing a threatening finger at him, she cocked an eyebrow as Angela rolled her eyes, setting the creamer down by (Y/N), "I can see that the lovely family moment we were having has been ruined. I'm getting ready. You three behave, and clean up the kitchen!" she yelled over her shoulder as she waltzed out of the room. 

(Y/N)'s eyes followed her out of the room, knowing she wasn't that upset. She was secretly thrilled her boys were back home and under the same roof as her. What mother wouldn't be?

"Oi! (Y/N)! Focus! How soon can you be ready?"

Michael's voice snapped her out of her revere. Turning back around, Ben's eyes were the first thing she locked on. Fighting back the blush climbing up her neck she cleared her throat, "Can I at least have a cup of coffee first? Please? And then i'll be ready in like, an hour?" 

"Ugh. Fine. I'm gonna go watch the match," a glint lit up in Michael's eye as he bolted out of the kitchen, finger resting on his nose, "Nose goes on not cleaning up!"

Rolling her eyes, she turned to grab the creamer and a mug from the cabinet.

"Did he always do that growing up?" 

Nodding, Ben rolled his eyes back at her, "All the time. He's the youngest, he got away with way more shit than I ever did." 

"That tracks," she replied as she doctored her coffee up. 

"Huh"

"What?" She didn't look up as she poured the brown liquid into her mug, relishing in the scent that rushed up into her nostrils, waking her up almost instantly.  

"I just-I've never seen someone pour in creamer first and then coffee."

"It eliminates the need for a spoon, my ex turned me onto this method and, I don't know, it stuck." Shrugging she moved to return the creamer to the fridge, sliding past Ben in the process, desperately hoping he'd smell bad or at least have morning breath but no. He smelled like old books, leather jackets and the first day of fall. 

Fuck. 

As she sidled past Ben, he thanked his mother for having such a small walk way between the table and the counter where he stood. She smelled like coconuts and coffee. He tried his best to not inhale too deeply, didn't want his brother's friend thinking he was a creep.

His brother's gorgeous friend.

Michael had failed to mention that (Y/N) was a knockout. He figured either they had hooked up once and it hadn't worked out or Mikey was too chicken shit to make a move. 

He would have placed his entire life savings on the latter. 

"Sorry, have to sneak past ya again." She smiled at him as she went to grab her coffee mug and Ben extended an arm in a mock bow, "My lady." 

Letting out a bark of laughter Ben couldn't help his own lips to curl up into a smile. 

"How come your brother didn't get any of that charm?" she asked, bringing the coffee up to her lips and blowing on it.

Ben wrenched his eyes from the perfect circle her lips made and forced himself to focus on their conversation, "Just goes to show I'm the superior sibling." He crossed his arms over his chest as he surveyed the kitchen. 

(Y/N)'s eyes tracked his, taking in the damage, "I'll help you clean up. If we both tackle it, it won't be too bad." 

"No, c'mon. Finish your coffee. Besides, if my mum catches you cleaning, she'll have my head. She still thinks of you as a guest." 

Snorting, she shook her head, "I know. It kills me but, hey, if it means I get a break from cleaning for a while, I'm all for it."

Ben looked up at her as he moved to collect all the dirty dishes and she tired not to gasp at how long his eyelashes were, "You live alone? Or does your boyfriend not pick up after himself like a prat?"

"Ha! No, I don't have a boyfriend, I live on my own so I have no one to blame but myself when the plates are stacked to the ceiling."

Laughing, they traded horror stories of living alone. The weirdest things they had done, the grossest things, what they liked most about it. (Y/N) was having such a good time, she didn't even think before she heard herself say, "You should come over and see my place sometime. The scene of the crime for the Great Pomegranate Death of aught four."

Ben's laugh died on his lips as he looked right into her eyes, "I would love that." 

Nodding, she looked into her empty coffee mug only to be distracted by Ben's hand coming into her periphery, "Can I take that for you? It's the last thing actually and then we're free and clear." 

"Oh, yeah! Of course. Thank you so much for doing that, I appreciate that."

"No problem, got to earn my keep around her somehow."

Giggling she stood up, following Ben as they exited the kitchen and pausing as they both reached the stairs, "Well, I'm gonna shower and get ready then we can go Christmas shopping?"

"Sounds good. I'll let Michael know."

"Cool, um, thanks for the morning company. Michael definitely downplayed how you're the cooler sibling."

"It's because he's a shit," Ben deadpanned, feeling his heart swell as she threw her head back in a laugh. 

Shaking her head she started moving up the stairs, "You got that right." 

Ben watched her go, trying to tell himself he shouldn't be thinking about his brother's best friend in the shower and how badly he wanted to join her.

~

"Why is that thing staring at me?" (Y/N)'s eyes were wide as the off-brand elf on the shelf stared back. Well...one eye was staring at her. As Ben got closer he realized the other eye was painted basically on the side of the elf's head and couldn't help jumping back a little.

"See? It's horrifying."

"Only parents who really hate their kids would buy that."

"So you and Michael had that in your rooms then?"

Ben glared at her in faux annoyance as she smirked at her own joke. 

"Aww are you guys buying that? I was going to get it for mum." Michael whined, nicking the deranged doll from its spot on the shelf and looking for a price.

"Ha. Good one man." 

"Yeah, that's a pretty good joke." (Y/N) agreed as she wandered away, distracted by the candles a few aisles down. 

"Why would you say that? I'm being serious." Michael's lip pouted and Ben swiped the elf from his hands.

"Christ. I forgot how bad you are at giving presents."

"Hey! I got you a really nice gift last Christmas!"

Ben stared blankly back at his brother, "You got me a black market Arsenal hoodie that said 'Assenal' on it and still had the price tag on it." 

"And it was the best gift you've ever received, I'm sure." 

Throwing his arms up in annoyance, Ben's gaze drifted over the shelves before stopping on (Y/N) as she bent over to grab a candle from the bottom shelf. 

The snap of Michael's fingers in front of his face pulled him out of the daze he had slipped into it.

"Who’re you drooling over, mate? You know you need to let me have first crack at her-" Michael's sentence died on his lips as he saw the woman Ben had been oogling. 

"Oh no-"

"Look, I-"

"Are you serious?"

"I know she's your best friend but-"

"Right and you better bloody stay away from her!"

"You could have warned me she was beautiful!"

Michael dropped his head into his hands as Ben shifted from foot to foot, "Seriously Mikey, this won't go anywhere if you don't want it too. I'll respect your boundaries but-"

"No, I should have seen this coming," Michael sighed as he lifted his head up, gazing over at (Y/N) as she strolled further away from them, holding at least four candles, "I think, honestly, that's why I didn't tell you." 

Ben stiffened at the hoarseness in his brother's voice.

"(Y/N)'s one of my best friends, and she's practically Mum's daughter and I always figured you'd fancy her whenever you met her so..." he threw his hands up to signify the futility of that exercise, "just...really think about this before you fuck up a really good thing." Michael muttered as he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

"Hey. Mike. Seriously, I'm sorry. I need you to know that if I do decide to go after (Y/N) it won't be for just a casual hook up, okay? It'll be because I care about her like you and Mum do. Promise." 

Michael nodded as he sniffled, "Cool. Thanks, man. Anyway."

"Yeah, uh, who else do you need presents for?" Ben cleared his throat as he tried to dislodge the emotion that had gotten stuck there. 

"Really, just (Y/N)." Michael nodded to the general direction of where she'd gone.

"Well, don't get her any candles." 

Michael shot him a weird look and Ben shook his head, "Don't worry about it." 

~

"Guys, c'mon, my feet are killing me and I'm starting to get hangry. I need food. Or caffeine. Or sugar. Or, ideally, all three." 

Michael threw an arm around her shoulder and Ben tried to ignore the stab of jealousy he felt at the casual closeness they had. 

"There's a Starbucks straight ahead, why don't you get something there and Ben and I will check out this last store, okay?" He pressed a kiss to her cheek as she peeled off toward Starbucks.

The knot in Ben's stomach got bigger. 

"What store are we going to? I swear we've been to 50 stores and you still haven't found anything that (Y/N) would like."

"It's one of her favorite stores. She loves it." 

"You've said that at the past five stores, man.” 

"But this time I mean it." Michael said with renewed verve as he struck up a quicker pace toward the shop. 

The sigh that left Ben's lips could have blown out all the candles (Y/N) had bought at the first shop.

Stepping inside the store though, Ben could see why this would be her favorite.

Books with ornate dust jackets covered every reclaimed wood table. Plants and fresh flowers bloomed from every corner that wasn't filled with crystals, tarot decks or notebooks. There were vintage clothes dripping from racks around the perimeter of the boutique. Jewelry with signage describing which local artist had crafted it. A corner with vinyl records stacked in a case that went to the ceiling with a ladder to browse at the very top. 

Ben hadn't known (Y/N) for very long but when he stepped into this store, he was surprised he didn't see her pouring over the vinyl and calling excitedly to them about a particularly exciting find. 

Looking around, he spotted Michael pawing through some of the clothes and figured he better intervene before he bought something everyone would regret. 

"Do you think she'd like this?"

"Yeah if she wanted to look like Nana's drapes."

Michael made a disparaging noise in the back of his throat as he shoved the dress back on the rack, "Dammit. God. Why am I so bad at this." 

Ben shrugged and moved deeper into the store, veering towards the bookshelves. (Y/N) had mentioned in their conversation that her apartment was covered in books, who doesn’t love a new book? he thought. 

Crouching down, he ran his finger over the spines of some of the books. Taking in their titles, swaying to the jazz playing softly over the speakers his finger stopped on a book of poetry. 

Golden read the gold inlay on the spine, a tiny sun at the bottom. Ben pulled it out, flipping the book over to see who the author was and realizing it was a compilation of local authors poetry.

"That's a wonderful book."

Ben jumped at the shop assistant's voice.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! I just, I saw you and your brother browsing and I figured I'd see if you needed help with anything." 

"He looks that lost, huh?"

"Well," her eyes traveled to the ceiling to find the right words, "he was looking at a diary where you can track your period so..."

"Jesus" Ben hissed as the shop girl laughed. 

"It's okay, I told him to try a necklace or a pair of earrings instead."

"God you're a saint, thank you." 

"No problem. Didn't want his girlfriend to hate him forever!" the laugh Ben let out felt hollow. His heart constricted at the idea of (Y/N) being Michael's girlfriend and not his. 

"So, uh, this then," Ben held up the book of poetry, "you said it was good?" 

"Oh absolutely. It's one of our best sellers. One of the writers, she's one of our most popular jewelry creators too. She made a necklace to go with the book actually..."  her voice trailed off as she ventured back to the front of the store. 

Ben followed closely behind, stopping as she bent over a display rack of jewelry, finger dancing over the delicate chains till she found the one she wanted. 

Turning, holding out her finger, a whisper thin gold chain fell down to where a delicate ring with swirls resembling the sun dangled.

"Do you think she'd like it?" 

Ben felt himself nodding before he even realized it. All he could see then was the chain sitting around (Y/N)'s neck and the charm hitting her chest as she looked up at him, eyes sparkling. 

"Can you gift wrap it?"

Smiling, the shopgirl nodded and went to the register. As Ben watched her box and wrap the necklace, he felt Michael's hand land on his shoulder. 

"I still have no idea what to get her. This is impossible, mate." Michael sighed as his eyes roved over the counter. 

"Wait a tic, what's that?" pointing an accusatory finger at the necklace and book, Ben felt himself tense.

"Well, it's a book of poetry and a necklace to go with it-"

"You wanker! That's perfect! How much is it?" Michael's wallet was out and buying the set before Ben could even stop it.

"Hey, whoa. C'mon man, that was going to be my present for (Y/N)." 

Ben could see the shopkeep girls eyes widen and figured she thought she was in the middle of a love triangle between two brothers. 

Michael scoffed, "You just met her, how do you know she'll love it?"

Ben struggled to come up with a retort as Michael nodded decisively, "That's what I thought." 

Feeling helpless, Ben wandered out of the shop to get away from his brother before he strangled him for being so dense. 

"Oy!" Ben turned at the sound of Michael's voice, "Don't pout. I'm a great brother and picked up a candle for you to give her so you don't look like a total tosser." 

Rolling his eyes, Ben turned and stalked toward the coffee shop as Michael's snickers followed behind him. 

~

The tap at the doorframe caused (Y/N) to look up from her book, smiling as Angela poked her head into the room. 

"Sorry love, didn't want to bother you but I got a gingerbread house going and I have to pop out to finish some Christmas shopping. Would you mind finishing it up for me?" 

Smiling and nodding, she placed her bookmark in her book and pushed her sweater sleeves up, "Sure. Did Michael also give up?" 

"No, he's actually out with some friends. Ben's taken over for now but figured he could use reinforcements." 

Angela's tone was casual but (Y/N)'s eyes snapped to her anyway, trying to figure out if she had planned this with a mother's intuition or if she just didn't want her eldest to be alone. 

Either way, she appreciated getting more one on one time with Ben. 

As she made her way down the stairs, she felt Angela's cool palm catch her elbow right before she hit the landing, "Love..." the tone of her voice made (Y/N) stop and turn, "I'm so happy you and Michael are close and I know you two are friends but...I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I think there may be something...extra with you and Ben." 

Her stomach clenched and all of a sudden she found it difficult to look directly at Angela.

"I know it's none of my business and I would never pry or try to tell you how to live your life, much," she modified her statement at (Y/N)'s raised eyebrow.

"But...I really wouldn't mind if maybe one day you were really my daughter." 

The lump in (Y/N)'s throat made a response impossible so she just nodded and Angela smiled wanly. Bringing a hand up to rest on her cheek, Angela's eyes were watery. 

"Right," Angela cleared her throat and moved past (Y/N) on the stairs, "I'm counting on you to make that gingerbread house not look like a disaster!" She called over her shoulder.

Sniffing, (Y/N) swiped a finger under her eye, catching the moisture that had fallen. Shaking her head, she moved down the stairs and pushed open the kitchen door only to be met by a wall of sound. 

THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ROCK!

Ben's voice was hilariously off key, the Santa hat on his head askew and flour covered his face. 

Which dropped comically as he moved to the back of the gingerbread of the house and his eyes met (Y/N)'s.

Her mouth was moving but Ben couldn't understand what she was saying. Fumbling in the pocket of his joggers, he pulled out his phone and hit pause. 

"-Mean Girls dance?" 

"Are you asking me to learn the Mean Girls dance to this song with you?" 

"What makes you think I don't already know that dance by heart?" She cocked an eyebrow, moving closer to inspect the house from all angles. 

Ben's hands immediately became sweaty as (Y/N) got closer to him, eyes squinted as she scrutinized the work he'd done so far. 

"Went for a classic look I see." 

"Well, you know what they say, if it ain't broke and all that."

Nodding, (Y/N) turned to face him, eyes lighting up as she took in the streaks of flour all over him.

"You managed to get flour in your eyebrow. And on your cheek and...wait...you have frosting..."

Her voice trailed off and Ben's breath caught in his throat as her hand came up to gently swipe a bit of frosting from underneath his eye.

Her palm cupped his cheekbone and she wasn't even thinking when she gently stroked it with her thumb. The sigh that escaped Ben was involuntary and caused (Y/N)'s lips to quirk up slightly. 

"Did you get it?" the words left Ben's mouth in a wisp and (Y/N) found herself leaning forward to catch what he had said. 

"I think so, yeah." She whispered back, not making any move to remove her hand from his face, thumb still gently stroking his cheekbone, letting her eyes get lost in his. 

Suddenly feeling like his legs wouldn't support him, Ben put a hand down on the table and that's when a loud clang caused them to jump apart. 

Slapping a hand over her heart, Ben looked embarrassed as he bent down and brandished the decorating knife that had fallen to the floor. 

"God that scared me. Are you okay? Did you cut your hand?" Ben chuckled and showed (Y/N) the fronts and backs of his hands. 

"Clean, not a scratch on me." 

There were a few seconds of silence as (Y/N)'s eyes traveled all over his hands. Ben cleared his throat and (Y/N)'s eyes widened as they snapped up to meet his. 

"Sorry, I, uh, got distracted." 

No need for Ben to know she was distracted thinking about his hands wrapped around her throat. 

"Well, now that we've got the harrowing death by kitchen utensil out of the way, did my Mum send you in here to help me decorate?" 

"She did. Apparently she doesn't trust her own son to be responsible with decorating a home for cookies." 

"She barely trusts me to take care of myself I don't know why this would be any different." 

Every laugh Ben managed to pull from (Y/N)'s lips felt like a victory to him. 

"Well, put the tunes back on Hardy and is there another Santa hat I can wear? I feel severely underdressed for the occasion." 

Smirking, Ben held up a finger as he pulled a plastic bin from underneath the kitchen table. 

"Mum brought this out and I think I spotted something in here earlier that I think would suit you much better than a Santa hat. Close your eyes." 

Making a big production of closing her eyes and covering them with her hands, she heard items being moved then the creak of the floor as Ben drew closer.

His body felt warm as he stood in front of her and slowly slide a headband onto her head, making sure to not ruin her hair. He smelled like sugar and spices and she was overwhelmed with the urge to lick his neck. 

"Alright, open your eyes." 

She did, blinking at Ben as he bit his lips, trying to keep from laughing. "It really suits you I think." 

Looking wildly from side to side to find a mirror, Ben pulled out his phone and turned his camera on, "Here, let's take a picture. Then you can really see how amazing you look."

(Y/N) leaned into Ben and he tried to ignore the voice in his head telling him to kiss her cheek. 

"BEN!" She could barely say his name as giggles overtook her. The headband with light up Christmas bulbs in danger of falling off as she bent over with laughter. 

Ben couldn't help but laugh with her. Her laugh was infectious, he wanted to be the one to make her laugh for the rest of her life. 

"I don't understand why you're laughing, this is a very serious matter." He wheezed out as (Y/N) straightened up, trying to take a deep breath in. "Okay, okay, whew, alright. I'm ready for this picture." She waved her hands in front of her face as she did her best to stop laughing. 

"Ready? 3, 2, 1" Ben counted down and as he pulled the picture up so they could look at it he didn't think he'd seen anything more beautiful.

(Y/N) was mid laugh, Ben's eyes were twinkling as he leaned into her. Their respective headgear askew, flour and icing all over their faces. 

"Is that our Christmas card?" (Y/N) joked as she wandered back over to the table with the decorations, picking up a piping bag full of icing and wielding it with an expert precision. 

"Yeah, it can say 'Our First Christmas'" Ben replied, taking one last look at it and hoping that maybe one year, they really could get Christmas cards together. 

~

Christmas Day dawned bright and early.

It had snowed last night and Ben and (Y/N) had delighted in locking Michael out in the snow when he'd run outside to make a snow angel in nothing but his boxers.  

Waking up to an incessant banging on her door, (Y/N) let out a groan as she stuck her head out of the cocoon she'd made of her blankets only to be met by Michael throwing a pillow at her face.

"MMPH"

"Wake up! it's time to be holly and jolly and all that bullshit!" 

Ben's laugh made her perk up a little and sit up farther in bed, "I'd be a lot more holly and jolly if you wouldn't throw pillows in my face." 

"She's got a point." 

"I hate when you take her side Benjamin. What happened to brotherly love?" 

"Oh that went out the door years ago." 

Michael's reply was drowned out by her and Ben's laughter. 

Throwing the pillow back to him, she and Ben smiled at each other as Michael caught the pillow and disappeared down the hall. 

"Merry Christmas." Ben said as he leaned up against her doorframe. 

"Merry Christmas" she replied, swinging her legs down over the bed frame, letting them dangle off the side. 

Swallowing thickly, Ben had to tear his eyes from her legs, shaking the image of her legs intertwined with his from his brain. 

"So, has Angela been up since five making breakfast?" (Y/N) said through a yawn, stretching and not realizing the turmoil that was causing Ben as he watched her body unfold before him like a flower. 

"Uh...yeah. Yes. Most likely. She loves a hearty Christmas breakfast." he murmured as (Y/N) finally stood up and out of bed. 

"Well, yeah. Who doesn't?" She remarked as she hunted down her sweatshirt and pulled it on over her t-shirt. 

He let out a breathy laugh as he did his best to get the swelling of his cock under control. 

(Y/N) finally let herself look at Ben fully as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head and felt her lower half growing warm. 

Alarm bells were ringing in her head and the only thought going through her head at the moment was GRAY SWEATPANTS!!!!!

Gray sweatpants and a loose t-shirt with a low v-neck that had her thinking how easily she could have teared it in half. 

They would have stood there, devouring each other with their gaze, the sexual tension getting so thick they were drowning in it, if Michael hadn't called up the stairs calling them prats to break the tension.

~

"Well! Seeing as how we're all so full we can barely move, do we want to open presents?" 

Angela had barely finished that sentence when Michale had disappeared through the dining room doorway, yelling over his shoulder "C'mon! I want to see if I got the new FIFA." 

Laughing at Angela rolling her eyes, (Y/N) stood up as Ben did the same, smirking at his family. 

"My lady" Ben cracked as he and (Y/N) reached the door at the same time. 

"Thank you, sir." Dropping into a curtsey, Ben raised an eyebrow.

"You're surprisingly good at that." 

"Learned from the Queen myself." 

"You know the Queen?" 

"I'm the secret princess actually."

"Might have to start calling you 'princess' then." 

(Y/N)'s stomach clenched at the thought of him calling her princess in his deep voice. Keeping her eyes down, she let out an airy laugh, hoping to sound unaffected. 

If she'd looked up and seen how sincere Ben's eyes were, there would have been no doubt in her mind that he was being 100% serious about the new nickname. 

As they made their way into the living room, Angela settling into her chair and Michael sprawled on the couch, Ben suddenly felt nervous. 

He hoped (Y/N) liked his present. He'd felt resentful toward Michael as he wrapped the candle. He knew this was a fine gift for someone he'd literally met just a few days ago but he couldn't help being disgruntled that Michael had swooped in and stolen such a perfect gift from him. 

Swatting Michael's feet off the couch he settled in as (Y/N) crouched next to the tree, "Can I hand people presents? That's how we did it at my home, if that's okay." She ducked her head, cheeks growing pink at appearing sentimental. Ben didn't realize he was smiling at her until he caught his mum appraising him. 

Running a hand through his hair, he shifted in place as Michael yelled, "OI. Where're my gifts?"

"Hmm, I'm looking but I don't see any gifts for you...why...it looks like these are all for me!"

"Fuck off-"

"Michael!"

"Sorry mum. Frick off, I see one with my name on it right there." Pointing emphatically, Ben smacked his hand out of his face. 

Snickering, (Y/N) scooted over to grab the present and threw it at Michael. 

From there, it was all a blur of wrapping paper, bows flying and exclamations of surprise and delight. 

Ben was busy reading the inside flap of the novel his mum had gotten him when he heard Michael's voice cut through his reverie, 

"Here. (Y/N). I got this one for you."

"Aww, Michael. You shouldn't have." 

"Yeah, well, don't say that till you've opened it, dear." 

"Mum!"

Forcing a laugh that sounded hollow even to him, Ben sat there, staring lazers at the box in (Y/N)'s hands. 

It, funnily enough, was shaped like the box the candle came in. 

It even had the same wrapping paper he'd used. 

Ben hardly breathed as the wrapping paper fell away and the candle he'd wrapped just last night was revealed. 

"Aww, Michael! Thank you so much. I love it." She smiled at him as she uncapped it and sniffed it. 

Bolting up, Ben murmured something about getting more coffee and stumbled out of the living room. 

Gripping the sink, he could barely believe what he'd just witnessed. 

He didn't even want to believe it meant what he thought it meant. 

"Hey."

Head jerking up, he didn't even notice the present in Michael's hand until he thrust it forward.

"Give it to her. You had dibs on it anyway." 

Ben's jaw dropped, "Is-are you actually doing something decent for once in your life?" 

"Shut the fuck up, man. I see how you look at her. There's no way you don't not have legitimate feelings for her."

Struggling for a quick response, he could only manage a half hearted grunt as Michael emphatically shoved the present closer to him. 

"Go on. Take it. She's gonna love it and it'll mean way more coming from you than me I bet." 

Gently taking it from Michael, he had no words. Looking up, he pulled Michael into a hug. 

"Oh. Alright. Guess this is what we're doing." 

Letting him go, Ben sniffed, rolling his shoulders back, "Right. Okay. Thanks for this man." 

"Yeah. Just...don't hug me again." 

"No promises." 

"Figured." Michael was almost out of the kitchen when he stopped and turned back to Ben, "Also. My room is right next to yours. If I hear any noises that even sound remotely like sex-" 

"Oh my god, dude."

"I'm just saying! Jesus isn't the only one watching you sin and judging you for it." 

Ben could only stare incredulously at Michael's back as he contemplated how his brother could do something so sweet but ruin it all in the same moment. 

~

They had just finished dinner and Ben still hadn't found the perfect time to give (Y/N) her present. 

Every time he thought he could get her in a moment alone, someone walked into the room or the timing seemed wrong. 

He knew he'd have to act soon but the right moment had yet to present itself and he was getting anxious. 

It also didn't help that Michael kept texting him asking if he'd given the gift to (Y/N) yet. 

So, yeah. No pressure. 

"Oof. I feel like all I've done today is eat." 

"How is that different than any other day though?" 

Throwing a Christmas Cracker at Michael, (Y/N) laughed. 

"You don't need to expose me like this." 

Ben watched their interaction with jealously. He wished he could just give her the present now but he wanted it to be perfect. 

Pushing back from the table, (Y/N) stood up and stretched, "Well. I'm going to go for a walk. Does anyone want to come with?" 

Ben's eyes lit up and he sprang out of his chair. Before he could say anything, Michael was rising as well, opening his mouth.

Getting ready to body check his brother into next week for ruining this moment, Angela stepped in. 

"Michael. You haven't done any of the cleaning up this week. You're staying here and helping me wash up."

(Y/N) almost missed the wink Angela shot her as she and Ben were left in the dining room as Michael's protests grew quieter. 

"Shall we?"

"My lady." 

Smiling, she stepped into the foyer. Her and Ben making idle chit chat as they bundled up against the cold. 

Stepping out into the night, the clouds were heavy with snow. Taking a deep breath in, she sighed out, enjoying the look of her breath appearing in a fog before her.

"Smells like snow."

"Snow has a smell?"

"Yeah, it...I don't know how to describe it. It just smells fresh and new." 

They walked on in silence for a bit. (Y/N) was tempted to ask why he hadn't gotten her a gift for Christmas. She had gotten him the pair of rounded sunglasses he'd admired in the shop window for Christmas and she had just met the man.

Feeling pressure on her elbow, she stopped. 

"Come with me." 

Following after Ben, not minding that his hand was still on her elbow guiding her, she wondered where they were going. 

Feeling bold (with the help of the generous portions of wine Angela had served at dinner), and figuring it must have been uncomfortable for Ben to lead her by the elbow, she gently untangled her arm from his. 

Smiling at Ben's furrowed brows she slide her hand into his. 

"Figured this would be easier than holding my elbow." 

Fighting the smile breaking over his face, and failing miserably, Ben stared ahead. Butterflies erupting in his stomach at the feel of her hand in his. 

"Where are we even going?" 

"Oh. Yeah. I should have thought of that. Not really smart of me, huh."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, I'm not a bad guy but still. We don't really know each other and it's dark. I know some women might be nervous in these circumstances."

Trying to quite the Women's Studies major screaming in her head about his "wokeness", she gave his hand a squeeze.

"I don't know. Just feel like I've known you for much longer than we actually have." 

"I feel the same way." 

(Y/N) thought she had imagined him saying that, his voice was so low but with how his cheeks pinkened, she figured she hadn't imagined it. 

Pulling her up short, he pulled them toward a bench. Two trees bending over it, branches intertwining like lovers fingers creating a canopy. 

Sitting down he put his hands in his coat pocket where (Y/N) thought she heard gift wrap crinkling. 

"So."

"So." She said, tilting her head back to stare at the clouds. Ben took this time to admire her profile. 

"Why here?"

"Just wait. It'll be worth it."

Shrugging, she turned her face down to look right at Ben. 

"Think it's going to start snowing soon." 

Huffing a breath, Ben turned his body to face her more fully. 

"Listen. What you said earlier about it feeling like we've known each other for forever, I genuinely feel like I've known you for a long time. And...I got you a Christmas present."

Ben shook his head as (Y/N)'s face melted into a bemused expression. 

"This isn't coming out right but-" he rubbed a hand over his face and (Y/N) watched as his shoulders melted and when he lifted his head out of his hand, she knew he'd made a decision.

"I like you. A lot. And I know you've known my family for a while and my brother's your best friend and my mum's your second mum but. Fuck. I just. I really like you and ever since I saw you I thought you were gorgeous but then we talked and you were funny and so smart and," 

He sucked in a huge breath as (Y/N)'s head kept spinning with what he’d just revealed to her. 

"That's why I got you this and I wanted to give it to you at the perfect moment so. Merry Christmas."

He shoved the present towards (Y/N) who just barely grabbed it before it rammed into her stomach. 

"Wha-. Ben. I-" 

She stopped as Ben frantically shook his head, 

"Please just open the present before you give me an answer," his eyes widened at how that could have come across, "Not like, I want that to change your mind but. I don't know. Just. Please open it."

(Y/N) nodded. Looking down at her hands and letting out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding.  

Ben noticed how her hands quivered as she pulled the ribbon off. His eyes stayed locked on her hands. He couldn't stand to look at her face until he heard her gasp. 

Eyes trailing up to meet her face, his whole body melted. 

One hand over her mouth, her eyes were watering at the necklace. 

"Ben...it's beautiful. I. I don't know what to say." She let out a watery laugh as Ben leaned toward her, 

"There’s another thing in there. It goes with the necklace." 

Sniffing, she picked up the book underneath the necklace and let out a peal of laughter. 

'You remembered!" 

"Of course. You said you needed more books of poetry to really be a pretentious ass." 

"God. This is amazing. But these actually look like amazing poems." She consented as she quickly flipped through the pages. 

Shaking herself before getting too sucked into the book, she blinked her eyes up at Ben. 

"Will you put this on for me?" Brandishing the sun necklace between them. 

Nodding, Ben took it with shaking hands.

 Turning, she moved her hair out of the way, and tried not to gasp as Ben's fingertips grazed the back of her neck. 

"Okay. It's on." he whispered. 

Turning back around she locked eyes with him. Realizing they were still very close to each other. 

"How does it look?" 

Swallowing thickly, Ben leaned closer.

"It looks amazing." 

"Good." She whispered against his lips and Ben's only reply was to press his lips to hers. 

Grabbing his arms, she moaned at the muscle’s flexing underneath her fingertips. Ben wrapped his arms around her waist. He tried to pull her closer and cursed their layers. 

(Y/N) would have stayed entwined in Ben's embrace all night if a brilliant flash hadn't erupted around them. 

Pulling back in surprise, she was met with the sight of every tree in the park covered with a thousand tiny lights.  

Gasping, she barely registered Ben laughing at the delighted look that crossed over her face. 

As her eyes drank in the sight around her, Ben couldn't help but admire the way the lights were reflected in her eyes. 

"What is this?"

"It's a park I discovered one year when I was walking alone.  They do this every year from the first of December to New Year's Eve. I haven't told anyone about it. I wanted to share it with someone who was really special to me." 

Ben didn't know which was shining brighter. The lights on the trees or (Y/N)'s eyes.

"I really like you too." 

"Yeah?" 

Nodding emphatically, (Y/N) snaked her arms around his neck. "Since the moment I laid eyes on you really." 

"Hmm. Seems like someone is stealing my lines." 

"It sounds better coming from my mouth though." 

"I bet a lot of things sound better coming from your mouth. Princess." Ben growled before claiming her lips as his.

Moaning, (Y/N) had to stop herself from straddling Ben then and there. 

Breaking apart from Ben's lips was the toughest thing she'd ever had to do. 

"My apartment's not far from here actually."

"Yeah?" 

"Come with me." 

Smiling at how she turned his own command on him, Ben grabbed her hand and together they ran through the cold toward the bright lights of (Y/N)'s cozy apartment. 

~

Waking up the next morning, (Y/N) was briefly confused by the brief weight around her torso.

When she felt the steady rise and fall of Ben's chest, she sank back into him as memories of last night flooded through her, causing her to press her thighs together to stave off the wanting that had appeared again. 

Hearing her phone vibrate, she carefully reached an arm out to make sure Angela hadn't called a search party on them.

Ben texted me. Angela's fine but I had to talk her down from subscribing to wedding magazines. x 

Snorting, she shot a heart emoji to Michael as she felt Ben's lips press into her shoulder. 

"Morning, princess." 

Moaning, she turned to face him. "Your morning voice is the hottest thing in the world." 

"Yeah?" he cocked an eyebrow as (Y/N) nodded.

Ben took a moment to consider it. 

"Then you clearly haven't seen yourself first thing in the morning wearing only that necklace."

Shivering at Ben's finger pressing the charm into her skin, she smiled. 

"Figured you'd like that."

"Like it? I love it." 

Smiling, she burrowed further into his chest and said through a yawn, "Will you read a poem to me?" 

"Of course, darling." Planting a kiss on her head, Ben reached over to grab the book of poetry from the bedside table. They'd fallen asleep after reading each other poems from it last night. 

Paging through it, Ben stopped when he found the perfect one:

Light. 

Sun. 

Gold. 

Your Smile. 

Your 

Heart

Your love.

Your love for me. 

All golden. 

They spent the rest of the day alternating between the bed, the kitchen and a walk back to the park with the lights where they promised to each other to return back to it every Christmas Day.

[bookofmirth]

I mean people don’t need a reason to hate E/ain they can hate her for no reason at all. I think most people dislike her because of right now she is by far the most boring character because all she had been is the innocent gardener and really hadn’t contributed to the plot all that much. Plus her stans are constantly telling everyone it’s misogynistic not to like her which gets really annoying. For me it’s not because of the ship war that I dislike her, but I’m sure some of it, just like some people don’t like Gwyn because of the ship wars. I personally really don’t like her for a couple reasons

1. I’m about the biggest Feyre Stan in existent and I don’t forgive either her or Nesta for the ways they treated her and I don’t like the double standard between fans that hate Nesta for it but love E/ain. Like E/ain straight up went from not caring about Feyre to kissing up to her in my opinion which I don’t enjoy.

2. She literally planted flowers instead of food when her family was starving

3. And most importantly she reminds me of my old best friend, who appeared to be the sweetest most innocent person in existence but then turned into the most manipulative, unsupportive, emotionally abuse person I’ve ever met. Like I spent 3 years of my life catering to her and being her emotional support person but couldn’t even complain about one thing to her without her saying to suck it up and she couldn’t be happy for my successes (she basically told me something I won was rigged) I know in canon E/ain is not any of those things so if you like her don’t come at me for thinking she is those things because I know she isn’t in canon, she just reminds me of my friend before I actually got to know her. I highly doubt SJM will make her turn out to be all the terrible things my friend was but I don’t think I’ll ever love her because of all the similarities. I’m definitely pro evil E/lain in future books I think it would be cool but I don’t think it will actually happen.

But yeah again everyone is entitled to dislike a fictional character for a reason, which could literally be because they find a character boring, for one line they said in one book, a big reason, or no reason at all and I think the ACOTAR fandom forgets that a lot.

I agree, people don't even need reasons, liking a character or a ship or whatever doesn't have to be logical at all. It just is what it is. It seems like it's important to say, though, we don't have to defend anything we like, ultimately. Although it seems like everyone is on defense mode after acosf.

The thing that stops me from just moving on when people do things like use "eplain" is what I was saying in that post - why? Like I know we all have different opinions, and where I can see why people do or don't like other characters, Elain just hasn't been around enough for me to see why people have strong feelings either way! And I don't mean that in a way that's like, "why the fuck do you people think this" it's more like, "how did you read the book that made you think this", if that makes sense?

I totally get what you're saying about their childhood. Elain didn't do anything to contribute to the household but neither did Nesta, so why the double standards? Nesta had to come to terms with her guilt over that, and Elain should too.

What you said about your friend is interesting to me, because what you said about being emotionally supportive is exactly what I think Elain has been doing for years, and that's why people (characters, not fans haha) cannot stand the fact that she expresses her discomfort now. They are used to her catering to all of their emotional needs, but get surprised when she needs support too. idk, your experience made you sound like Elain, to me, and I don't mean that as an insult at all because I like her!!! I just see her doing a lot of under-appreciated emotional labor like that. I hope you aren't friends with that person anymore and that "old" meant "former" cuz :(

It seems like some readers suspect that Elain isn't as nice as she has been portrayed, or that they don't see it in action even though we are told it a lot, which I also understand. I'm just reserving judgement? I am generally a kind person, it's sort-of important to me to try to be that way as much as possible, but I've had the experience (especially when I was growing up and far less confident) where the second I stand up for myself or where I say what's on my mind, people get all outraged, like I've been lying about who I am. No. Being kind to other people doesn't mean I just put up with whatever and make myself small all the time. And personally, I see that reflected in Elain as well - everyone assumes she is quiet and nice and they just don't bother looking deeper, and so then when she does assert herself, it almost has more impact than someone like Nesta, who is known to have a sharp tongue.

Oh I forgot to mention your point about misogyny - it’s true. There may be a grain of truth in that when looking at broader fandom trends, which is why I mentioned Mor v Eris v Elain. But that word has also lost all meaning at this point because people throw it around so casually.

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[itbe-jess]

Maslophobia: Chapter 8

Captured recorded audio of Karl Rodriguez having phone conversations with the formal Paradise Critter performers before their disappearances, including Karl’s himself.

Stevie: Yes?

Karl: STEVEN! How you do, how you do?

Stevie: Okay, who the hell is this?

Karl: What, you don't remember your old work buddy, Karl Rodriguez? Of Karl's Paradise?

Stevie: Oh, you. Just to state one fact: We aren't buddies. We just did work. The only time you've ever treated me like a friend was when I wore the freakin' dog costume. Second of all, what do you want?

Karl: Well, the REAL question is, what do YOU want?

Stevie: What do I want, what?

Karl: With your life, I mean. Have you ever considered getting into acting again? I just had the thought you were a man who looked into a brighter future.

Stevie: Well, I've been putting a lot of thought into it, continuing showbiz. What I want is more than just to hide my face behind some puppet costume. I wanna act. I also wanna write, and create.

Karl: That's interesting!

Stevie: But what I really wanna do is direct.

Karl: Oh! A little showbiz humor there!

Stevie: [*Chuckles*] Yeah. Say, Karl, I have another question.

Karl: Shoot.

Stevie: Why the fuck are you poking into my business like this?

Karl: Well, bet you haven't noticed, but I'm still doing work at Tam Studios!

Stevie: Great. How about telling me something I should care about?

Karl: No no no no, you don't understand, Stevie. I wanna help you pave your career way!

Stevie: What?

Karl: Help you find a new line of work! Tam is beginning the productions of an upcoming crime drama!

Stevie: Keep talking.

Karl: They're cast-calling for a slender, Caucasian man in his 20s, with flexible movement. I convinced them to put you up in that position, cuz I saw deep through those doggy eyes that you had potential. And it wasn't one of those non-speaking, background roles. No sir, this is supporting character we're talking.

Stevie: That's great! Hard to believe I've gone to a great start just by wearing a dog suit while somebody else dubbed over my lines! And if this role peaks, I could probably land myself in another rol- Hold it, hold it. Why do all this for me?

Karl: Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. You have always been my favorite, Steven. The others did a fantastic job, but you knew how to bring life into a character.

Stevie: I am, aren't I? Well, I do hold a few charms, here and there. Knew they'd come into full effect soon.

Karl: So, do you take the job?

Stevie: Hell yeah I want the job! And I'd like to thank you for it!

Karl: No need for that! Just doing a favor for my favorite performer! Come over to my place for your script, and I'll explain the details to you over coffee.

Stevie: Make mine extra dark.

Karl: With pleasure!

_____________________

Karl: Hello, hello?

Debbie: Hello, who is- Karl? Karl, is that you?

Karl: In the flesh! But as of right now, in the voice. And while you're still listening to it, Happy Birthday!

Debbie: Awwwww, that's awfully generous. But my birthday isn't until two more days.

Karl: It is? Ooooooh, damn.

Debbie: What is it?

Karl: Seems I've over looked the calender. At least I didn't miss it yet.

Debbie: And it's a good thing you remembered what month it was, too.

Karl: Yeah. Still pretty embarrassing. I even got you a gift.

Debbie: You got me a gift?! Karl, that makes me... ...pleased as punch! Though you really didn't have to go through the troubl-

Karl: Oh no no no, I felt like it, since you are my favorite.

Debbie: Really? I didn't know that! I mean, the most you've ever talked to me was when I was Vinnie Van Goose, with the head on and all.

Karl: Well, the others are special, but if they knew you were my favorite, they would feel less important. You really knew how to bring life into a character more than they did.

Debbie: Oh wow. Though I feel bad for being the favorite. The others worked so hard.

Karl: What they don't know, won't hurt 'em! It's okay! Now, why don't you come over to my place and you can collect your gift? You can either take it to go, or eat it here.

Debbie: "Eat it?"

Karl: Hope you brought your sweet tooth.

Debbie: Oooooh la la, zat sounds deleecious, vahtre ahltesse. [*Chuckles*]

Karl: [*Chuckles back*]

Debbie: That was a really bad impression of the character I played.

Karl: I thought it was decent. So, you coming to get your gift, or what?

Debbie: Hell yeah, I'm going to get it! On one condition, though.

Karl: Hmm?

Debbie: Don't eat it all before I get there. [*Giggles*]

Karl: That's a promise I'm willing to keep! Don't worry! I won't even dip my finger into the frosting!

_____________________

Scott: Who is it?

Karl: That can only mean one thing: Do you recognize my voice?

Scott: K-Karl? Karl! Oh, Karl, you happy-go-lucky son of a bitch! [*Laughs*]

Karl: What, were you expecting someone else?

Scott: Ehhhh, either Mom, or someone I owe money to. [*Laughs*]

Karl: [*Laughs as well*]

Scott: You can't be my mother, sooooooo are you calling me up to pay some acting penalty fee?

Karl: There's just no end to your wisecracks, huh Scotty? Don't be ridiculous. You worked for me, so I'm the one who should be giving you money! Speaking of which, did I ever tell you that you were my favorite?

Scott: I am?

Karl: Sure! None of the other performers knew how to bring life into a character more than you!

Scott: Really? Well, to be honest, I didn't think there was anything special about my character.

Karl: You didn't think-- Look, Scott, he was one of my favorite Critters. When I was designing him, I put a little bit of myself into this character's traits. And to have a person make him animated was a happy experience.

Scott: Wow, Karl. That's...

Karl: Trouble finding the right word?

Scott: Yeah. Kinda. Just feels really neat to be appreciated. Even at a simple task.

Karl: Say no more, my friend! All you have to do is accept your award! No speech please.

Scott: Award? Okay, Karl, this is a little bit much.

Karl: Not really much. Just a bonus check.

Scott: Bonus check? I-I really can't accept this, Karl.

Karl: Please, I insist. You were my favorite Critter, and I wanna show my thanks for such effort you gave.

Scott: I'm not currently having any financial crisis, and I can't take money from you after how nice you've been. Couldn't you thank me in another way? Like, lunch, or dinner-

Karl: Actually, I'd be more than happy if you joined me for this afternoon's brunch, and we can catch up on times. Tomorrow. At my place.

Scott: If that will make you happy, I'll be there.

Karl: Delightful! I'll make sure brunch is still warm when you get here!

_____________________

Drew: Hello?

Karl: Drewwwww! Long time no see!

Drew: KARL! [*Sighs*] Thank God, you're the one to call!

Karl: Gosh, I really wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. You miss the show, too?

Drew: Well, no. Not that it was a bad show, or I hated doing the job! I mean, I loved playing Saxxo!

Karl: Well, Saxxo was my favorite! In fact, so were you! Nobody could bring so much life int-

Drew: Okay thanks I appreciate it Karl! Say, you wouldn't happen to know any positions opened at Tam, do you?

Karl: Tam is currently not looking for any actors at the moment.

Drew: Shhhhhhhh-shit!

Karl: Is everything alright?

Drew: Of course not. Rent's rising, and I have three more days until me and my wife lose the apartment! I just got to find a new job and pay off the rent! Need the money fast! I-I'll do anything!

Karl: Oh my. A debt situation. Does Mary know about it?

Drew: No. And I can't let her know.

Karl: Have you been gambling again?

Drew: [*Awkward silence, then takes a deep breath*] All I ever wanted to do was to treat her to the best romantic getaway in her young life! She thinks I don't pay more attention to her, and I've been less ardent ever since we got married. I love her so much, I really do. I felt like words aren't enough to express how much she means to me, so I thought, perhaps I could show her in another manner! Just wanted to earn a little extra cash, and look what a fine mess I've gotten us into! First it will be our place, next my fucking marriage! You're my only hope, Karl!

Karl: You have my sympathy, old friend. Believe it or not, when I was young, I used to do a bunch of crazy stuff to impress a girl. It's surprising how love can make anyone do anything. Tell you what: I'll give you this check for 100 grand. That way you can both pay off the rent, and give your woman the best dinner, plus a gift.

Drew: Gee. 100,000 dollars. That's a lot of lettuce.

Karl: I was gonna give you this anyways. It's my "Congratulations" gift for all your hard effort at Tam.

Drew: Thank you, Karl! God bless you! I swear I'll pay you back somehow!

Karl: You can pay me back now. ...at my place for some coffee, and we can catch up on our times. Always wanted to have a full conversation with my favorite Critter star.

Drew: Alright, I'll be there. Just as long as we're not getting a little too touchy. What time?

Karl: You can be here right now, if you like.

Drew: I'll go get the car keys!

Karl: Take it slow, Drew. You only live once.

_____________________

Karl: Howdy-do! Nice to hear from you!

Beatrice: Oh hey, Karl! Haven't heard from you since the show's cancellation. Which, by the way, I'm sorry for your loss.

Karl: Heyyyyyyy, no need for pitty. I'm over that now. I've become grateful that they continued to let me work at Tam Studios. Oh, and how far are you due now?

Beatrice: 3 months and 15 days. I made sure to keep track.

Karl: That's wonderful! You know, if Karl's Paradise ran a little longer, you could definitely hide your pregnancy with all that space in your costume.

Beatrice: That's true, though I don't think my doctor would recommend it. The suit is so hot, it's like a walking sauna. Whew! I get all sweaty just thinking of it.

Karl: A hun in the oven with a bun in its oven. That's one for the books. Listen, I've been thinking of you lately.

Beatrice: You know I'm married, Karl.

Karl: No no no no, not like that! I meant thinking about how good of a job you did playing Yum-Yum. You made her feel so warm, and loving. I knew during that one audition, you were her. You surely brought life into that character.

Beatrice: Okay, thanks, but doesn't her voice actress deserve some credit, too?

Karl: Shanna was spectacular, but I don't think she could take on such a physical role. How you handled Yum-Yum was what made you my favorite.

Beatrice: Me? Your favorite? Hah hah, I didn't know you thought that way of me. Though, you always appeared enthusiastic whenever I was in full costume.

Karl: That's how much you thrilled me! Seeing Yum-Yum become animated was a sensation to behold! We show creators take great pride in our works, you know.

Beatrice: Interesting. Well, see you next time, Karl.

Karl: Woah woah, wait! Take these words to mind before you hang up! Please?

Beatrice: Guess I can stay on hold for a little longer.

Karl: Great! Like I said before, I've been thinking of you lately. I know I didn't show much excitement when you first openly confessed about the baby. My favorite deserves better. So, I went out of my way to get the little tot a gift!

Beatrice: A gift? Aww, Karl, you shouldn't have. It's a little too early to start receiving gifts.

Karl: Oh, I insist! Besides, in three days, I'm off on a little business trip, and won't be back in a couple of months. So, I thought of giving you the gift now!

Beatrice: Oh, that's nice! Are you gonna drop it off here?

Karl: No, frankly, I don't know where your location is. I was wondering if you could come by my place and pick it up. You still have the address I gave you and the other performers, right?

Beatrice: Yeah, but... I'm not sure if I wanna go. I've never been to your place before, and I find it weird to come over to another house just to pick up a measely present.

Karl: C'mon, Beatrice. I'm no stranger to you. Besides, I just baked cookies.

Beatrice: Cookies?

Karl: Your favorite. Chocolate chip, soft, and with ooey melty chocolatey goodness.

Beatrice: [*Short silence*] Okay, you win! That's an offer I can't refuse! I'll just have a quick trip, grab a couple of cookies, take the present, and leave!

Karl: Atta girl! I'll get a doggy bag ready!

Beatrice: Don't try to make a pass at me!

Karl: Wouldn't dream of it, Yum-Yum.

_____________________

Clifton: Karl, what the hell is this?

Karl: Cliff! I see you got my message!

Clifton: Yes, and whatever it is, I want no part of it.

Karl: Jesus, why the bitterness?

Clifton: Not only did the Karl's Paradise experience left me humiliated, but it also hurt me seeing my daughter get terrified of a character I played. The show gave her nightmares twice!

Karl: Ooooh, I'm sorry to hear that. But if it makes you feel better, this isn't about the show. It's about a whole new start.

Clifton: Baby, n-not now. Please. Daddy over here busy.

Karl: Pardon?

Clifton: Oh, I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to Beth. You know, my daughter? And what is this "whole new start?"

Karl: I'd like to propose a new proposition. It pays more than your previous gig.

Clifton: "Pays more." Is it another acting pursuit?

Karl: Why yes! Tam is starting the production of a new crime drama, and they're cast-calling for a black-American male, with a tone body, and flexible movement.

Clifton: They're looking for a black man in a program about crimes? Pfftt, I certainly don't like the sound of that.

Karl: Oh no, it's not what you think! I mean they want someone to play one of the lead heroes! I talked to them about giving it to you. Don't you wanna take a step further into your acting goal?

Clifton: Well... Yeah, and it all sounds really great! But I don't think I'm ready to hit that road yet.

Karl: Huh?

Clifton: Well, the crime drama thing seems a little bit... How should I put it? ...complex. Right now, my acting experience is limited. All I did on Karl's Paradise was put on a suit, move around, and grab things. I didn't even get to speak my own voice. Literally. I think I should take it slow for the time being. Tell them I'm gonna have to pass up.

Karl: C'mon, Cliff! Never say die unless you try! This job will mark the beginning of your big break!

Clifton: I don't know-

Karl: With all that money, you could provide your family all what they deserve! You've always talked about how they mean the world to you! Your wife will always be happy, your mother will live more healthy, and your daughter could be enrolled with the best educational systems! You could even buy a bigger house! If you feel you're not ready, we could have training lessons over at my place! I even got a copy of the script!

Clifton: Why does it matter so much to you whether I get the role or not?

Karl: I kept this between myself and I for very long, and I think I ought to let it out now: You have always been my favorite, Cliff. The character, in which you portrayed, was very important to me. When I first designed that character, I projected some of my attributes onto him. Then, you had put on the suit and made him animated. I knew you'd be the one. He was exactly how I pictured him in my head.

Clifton: Well, I would admit I did do a good job, but I wouldn't call it a stellar performance.

Karl: Don't beat on yourself, Cliff! In my opinion, it WAS a stellar performance! And dare I add, you are a family man, right? I'm a sucker for families! Especially children! That's why I gotten into children's entertainment! To make them glow in happiness!

Clifton: [*Inaudible mumbles*]

Karl: What was that?

Clifton: I, I said, I guess I can give it a shot. The money would do me and my family good. The bills need to be paid, and Beth has been twitterpated for an Easy Bake Oven.

Karl: Great! Come visit whenever you're available! I'll put on a fresh pot of coffee!

Clifton: Tomorrow. I'll let my wife know.

Karl: Oh, no no! Cliff, we don't wanna ruin the surprise!

Clifton: Man, if I just sneaked to some place without telling Janet, she'll get the expression that I'm seeing another woman!

Karl: Don't worry! If she gets suspicious, I'll cover for you! It's all in my hands! Trust me!

Clifton: Alright. But one more thing: If I don't nail this role, do not pester me over a new career ever again.

Karl: Cross my heart and hope to die!

_____________________

Karl: Hello, Rebecca!

Rebecca: Oh my god- Karl! You have every nerve calling me up! You of all people!

Karl: I know! Did you miss me?

Rebecca: Like I miss a kidney stone! Good-fucking-bye!

Karl: Wait, don't hang up!

Rebecca: If you're calling me because your show's been picked up again, no use talking me into it! I've never been so embarrassed in my life! My friends still won't let me live it down, and my brother-in-law keeps making long distant calls just to tease me about the damn shark! And I couldn't stand looking at those costumes, even my own! What the hell were you thinking?

Karl: I just thought you suited the role so much. The way you brought life into the character really made you my favorite!

Rebecca: I don't care, and I was talking about those costumes! How could you not see how terrifying they were? You gave a goose teeth! A goose with teeth!

Karl: They're not that bad! Just wanted to give them a little cartoony-ness in their appearances!

Rebecca: Karl, they made kids cry! They're THAT bad! It's like they came from Sesame Street Reject Hell!

Karl: [*A moment of silence, then, angry breathing is heard*]

Rebecca: You still there?

Karl: Yes. I'm still here. The reason I called was to ask you a favor regarding the show. Also, it's still pulled off the air. I'm making a biography based on experience working on Karl's Paradise. I interview you, and you give me all your views on the show, whether they are positive, or negative.

Rebecca: Forget it. Now if you excuse me, I have to hunt a new job. One where I possibly don't have to show my face.

Karl: I'll pay you!

Rebecca: What?

Karl: The exact same amount as your salary from Tam! Please! Just come to my place, answer a few questions, and you'll never see my face again!

Rebecca: [*Sighs*] You're a sad man, Karl. Alright, I'll do it. Throw in a couple of snacks, with some iced tea, and you have yourself a deal.

Karl: Lucky for you, I always bring out the refreshments to guests!

_____________________

Sam: Who is it?

Karl: Double-K, that's who. [*Giggles*]

Sam: Oh, hi Karl! Didn't think you'd call me all of a sudden. Are you still down over the show's cancelization?

Karl: Nahhhh. That's all in the past now. I'm working on a new project at Tam, and it's far better than my last one.

Sam: Ohhhh. Glad to hear that you've moved on. I must say: Although Kar- [*Sneezes*] Excuse me...

Karl: No, bless you!

Sam: Thanks. As I was saying; Although Karl's Paradise wasn't the best experience I ever had, it sure was a fun one. I actually started to take a liking to Mama LongLegs.

Karl: Yeah, you were always cut out for her. When you showed up for that audition back in '88, and you first put on that suit, that was the day my Mama LongLegs was discovered. You nailed every aspect of her character, minus the voice.

Sam: And you know something funny? I didn't think I'd get the role with my height and all. Mama LongLegs could've been given to any one of those women under 5'8. Nice of you to care more about personalities than looks.

Karl: Wise Miss you are. That's why you've always been my favorite.

Sam: I am? Oh gosh, I don't know what to say...

Karl: How 'bout "yes?"

Sam: Excuse me?

Karl: I mean, how's about coming over to my house for a couple of photoshoots? ...in costume? The other cast is involved as well. Even though the show is cancelled, they're still giving me the right to merchandise it. All I need right now is your approval.

Sam: Oh. Well, sounds fun!

Karl: It sure is! I'll even put on a fresh pot of coffee!

Sam: I'll be there! Also, [*Jokingly tone*] for this photoshoot, I won't be taking anything off, will I?

Karl: I'm not that kind of man! Don't worry, you'll be fully covered! You're just wearing the costume, and that's it.

_____________________

Leon: What's up? I don't really care who you are. Just get down to the skinny. Blah blah blah blah.

Karl: Leon, it's me.

Leon: You're gonna have to be more specific. I don't know any "Me's."

Karl: Karl Rodriguez! Don't you remember?

Leon: Ohhhh yeaaah, the Karl's Paradise man. What's the big idea giving me this ring while the show is cancelled?

Karl: Well, to clarify-

Leon: Even if it's not, I don't think I wanna come back anytime soon. Like, that whole show, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, is kinda bogus.

Karl: I know, but-

Leon: Man... I wouldn't have stayed if it weren't for the money. And the free Dunkin' every morning. As for those costumes... wayyyyyy fucking creepy to the max. They'd make great props for a halloween haunted house, though. Wish I could've took mine with me.

Karl: Are you finished?

Leon: Shoot.

Karl: *Ahem* As I was saying; what you just mentioned is exactly what I called for!

Leon: You're gonna pay me? You're gonna buy me Dunkin'?

Karl: No, but how would you like to take your costume home with you? You can scare the shit out of kids every halloween, as much as you want!

Leon: Ehhhh, it isn't money or greasy donuts, but it'll do. I'll take it. Alright, when are you gonna deliver it to me?

Karl: Ha ha ha ha. No, you have to come down to my place and pick it up. Because, frankly, I never did get your address.

Leon: Whatt... No way. I am not getting off my ass, driving a mile block, just to pick up a damn costume. Forget it. The thing would probably eat my soul while I'm sleeping anyways.

Karl: There's Dunkin' in it for you! Along with an iced coffee.

Leon: Dammit, Karl. You know my weakness too well. I'll get my keys.

Karl: That's the spirit! Hey, did I mention you were always my favorite?

[zumpietoo]

So I’ll Do the Rest of Snorty’s

drivel tonite, but in the meantime, here’s what I can read.....and all the utterly hilarious notes....

Sooo...Snorty legit can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? Got it.....

While, yes, the shit about his career WAS dull (and he came off as whiny and entitled, a lot like PP, in fact), he WAS asked and this WAS meant to be an interview largely focused on the writing process of the show. 

I didn’t notice much on this....probably cuz I didn’t care. And if your point is that yes, Brian’s a hack (to the point of where in his own “backstory”, I was left wondering if peeps who don’t make it thru the program are really legit THAT bad or actually maybe that good---considering most other CW/Warner shows suck ass, too)....in fact, I’m mystified Snorty paid attention to the Hymen shit, it was boring....

It isn’t remotely “confusing”, you peeps iz dummm

I legit wasn’t paying full attention, but it seemed moar like what he said was “really powerful” was about KokeJ singing that dumb fucking song? In any event, none of it was---and he spent FAR less time blathering about it than either side led us to believe. 

Oh good lord, Snorty, “but Barfie Evan saaaidddd...” used to be your battle cry. And all the writers are assholes. The end....

Why is she being thanked for belatedly detailing something once they could listen to it anyway? After spending the weekend self importantly gate keepering?

It was a sort of parting gift for Mark---since the network clearly no longer can afford him. And the point wasn’t about “humanizing” him, per se, just giving him an interesting sideplot/a job for his son...

I don’t think he remotely said that....but it wasn’t meant to give you any spoilers, dumbasses....I do love their endless circle jerk of reassurance....while they piss themselves and one another

Whelp, tells me those are stupid and I’ll go laugh at them next....

Blah, blah, blah (and I haaatttteee Barfie Evan. Actually both his and Brian’s eps suck ass.

Sooooo bitter.....also, Pete (as a means for disparaging them) was the one who said this....not Brian. He was all “sharing is caring”---with Alex chiming in about how Cole “seemed really excited, too” from his prior interview (cuz Mr. 58 Seconds still seems reallyyyyyyyy jazzed that he got to interview/be on the press call for Cole). 

And what “roots of their (what) problem”???? Nobody’s cheating or treating Jug like he’s a subhuman.....also, VALE

Noooo....Snorty, again, you really ARE dummmmm...huh? Plus, no, it’s fine and PP caused it....suck it. 

And who TF is this VD noobie sock?

And the whole 8 accounts they follow???

And yes, Barfie, again, will be withering fast enough.....it’s why there will be “exploring” the VD/Slagey quad and somebody’s gonna suck some Pickens’s dick....(TBF, perhaps I was too hasty, maybe Gossip Ghey will do the honors!)

OML....Snorty, you should never, EVER point the finger about lying. Plus, not sure where or what they’ve exaggerated or flat out lied about??? And if they do? They DGAF....you continue to fail to grasp how ANY of this works...

Again, all detailed. That you prefer to not accept it, is not my problem!

Actually 17, Snorty---I see your math skillz are as fab as your other abilities---

Nobody gAF about Hymen and Vermin....

No, again, all detailed....you just refuse to grasp it

Fine by me if they love Jabi moar....

Yes, she’s literally jeebus....

Whelp, the only peeps who hate Jabi are you racist assholes, so nope. And Barfie’s fanbase isn’t all that significant....tho bigger than VD’s....and again, they DGAF.

Also, no, still didn’t address that and Hymen was always meant to be cartoonish...

Ummm....I’m not going to lie: nobody made you read it and you’re still gonna get the story lines that happen!

Umm.....again, this idea that Brian “went out of his way” (per Snorty) is utter bullshit---he was asked direct questions and then demurred. Plus OFC he isn’t gonna tell dick. 

And no, that isn’t remotely what “the main idea” is....even when they were “exploring new types of relationships”, they really didn’t/weren’t----and sent the clear cut message you’d do better to be in a nice, committed relationship. 

Awesome job pearl clutching----and you ARE aware they all are adults themselves, right?

Errmmm....we were never going to have a “great conversation” about that or anything else, moron---that’s always been your fanfic. However, it did cause Jughead to slip and illustrated further the difference between Tabitha and Slizzy (to the point of Tabs in sunlight/Slizzy in darkness with creepy music!)

And you also continue to not remotely grasp what the show’s about, anyway...

[bigskydreaming]

This isn't a meme thing or anything but I was wondering if you had a top ten favorite characters from books? I actually end up getting a lot of good book recs from reading your blog so I was just curious lol.

LOL I wasn't going to do this ask because I was like ugh I suck at top ten lists because I can never pick just ten. But then I thought about it for like, five whole seconds and realized I DO have ten standout characters in answer to this so its like oh hey, learned something new about myself today! Lmao.

Anyway, in no particular order:

1) Anyanwu - from Wild Seed by Octavia Butler - Can not stress how like fucking...formative Anyanwu's character was for me as an abused kid who first read this when I was like 12. The book heavily deals with the back and forth across centuries between these two immortals, Anyanwu and Doro, as Doro basically tries to control her every which way he can, and Anyanwu just defies him at every turn, and it just....you love to see it. She's a bad-ass and I adore her.

2) Prince Corwin and Merle Corey/Merlin - from Chronicles of Amber by Roger Zelazny - Yes I'm cheating but its me so you should have seen that coming. Another fave series from when I was in middle school, its ten books in total, and the first five are in Corwin's POV and the second five are in the POV of his son Merle/Merlin. So I maintain it counts. And is fine. Shhh, let it go, Elsa said so. ANYWAY, I actually probably like Merle better than his dad, because I mean, lbr, Corwin is a total asshole. But he's MY asshole, y'know? Wait, that came out wrong. Don't quote me there. But you know what I mean. Merle is a lot more level-headed, and quick-witted I think, and I like his supporting cast of relatives who want to kill him and he sometimes want to kill more than his dad's supporting cast of relatives who want to kill him and he always wants to kill, but like. Both are Valid. Also shout out to Fiona and Rinaldo, with a side shout out to Flora, who are probably my next three favorites from the series. Dara would be up there too but she knows what she did.

3) Elric/Corum/Dorian/etc - from the Eternal Champion books by Michael Moorcock - Look I'm already cheating so why not continue on a theme. But basically this counts too, I'm just saying. See Michael Moorcock's big project going all the way back to the 60s was he created a fantasy multiverse of different dimensions where this one Eternal Champion, meant to balance the scales between the Lords of Law and the Lords of Chaos, like, is reborn over and over again in different incarnations but who are all essentially him. So Elric of Melnibone, Dorian Hawkmoon, Corum I can never remember his last name.....they're all essentially the same guy.....but they're all at the same time very very very different, and they have extremely different storylines. But I maintain if you're gonna read one you kinda gotta just read them all, all Pokemon like and such forth, because the real beauty of these books is seeing the familiar traces of the Eternal Champion threaded through each of these incarnations but also contrasting how different they are from each other and like, looking at what makes them so different each time and how much it stems from their environment and situations, etc.

4) Civet - from the Dragons of the Inland Sea series by Laurence Yep - This is a kids' series, like for ages 10-12 kinda, but easily my favorite from when I was a kid. I reread them so many times, and I love pretty much all the characters from Shimmer to Thorn to Monkey, but Civet was always a standout. She's essentially a tragic character and her ending is bittersweet, but like.....she fully knows who she is and what she's about and makes no apologies for that, and she ends on exactly the note she wants to. Like, her story and her characterization was pretty damn dark for such a young-aimed series, but that's part of what drew me to it, it managed to capture the tone it set out to convey but in a completely age-appropriate way, and in an era when most books aimed at kids dumbed down most of their story concepts and themes, this one was refreshing for just being....real. Despite being blatantly fantasy. Also the Boneless King is one of the best villains ever, despite being deliberately over the top a lot of the times....idk what it was about him, but he was just chilling.

5) Jack the Bodiless and Diamond Mask - from the Galactic Milieu series by Julian May - These are linked as well because they're a couple and their stories intertwine so much that there's no real point in separating them y'know? That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But anyway, they're a weird choice for me because Julian May is hit or miss for me overall....I HATE her Saga of the Pliocene Epic, which is technically in the same universe as her Galactic Milieu series, but they have totally different vibes and the latter series doesn't contain any of the elements from the Saga of the Pliocene that I loathe, so it just works. Plus it has Jack and Diamond Mask, and like.....I don't actually know why I love them so much? They're just so different from pretty much any other characters I've ever read. Like, May does a lot of really high concept stuff across the board, but Jack and Diamond Mask are like.....high concept character wise? If that makes sense? Its okay if it doesn't. I'm literally just spitting words out here. Honestly, its hard to say anything specific about them because so much of their characters conceptually just doesn't make sense without knowing the in-universe concepts that led to them even existing, but like. They're weird and off the wall but still astoundingly human for all that and I love them.

6) Naomi Nagata - from the Expanse books by James S. A. Corey - I mean, if you've seen me ramble all the Naomi love in my live-watches of The Expanse TV show, this should be no surprise, but my love for her in the books like, exists manifold. She's great in both, but the books cover so much more content-wise, that her character has so much more room to breathe and be explored in all kinds of directions the TV show never touches on. The funny thing is, I actually prefer the TV characterizations overall....I think the authors of the books are actually pretty shit at characterization a lot of the time, but the basic thread of Naomi's character is consistent and the sheer abundance of story material she has in the books like.....keeps me going back to them even just for her. Her conflict with Marco in the books in particular just has so much more depth than in the show....like, I don't hate the show's version at all, anyone who's seen my posts there knows that lol, and I'm not actually even sure which version I actually like more in terms of that particular storyline.....but I just love that both versions are so different, while still being recognizably the same, y'know? I don't even know. Nobody knows. Its a mystery. Just nod and say yes, shh, its fine.

7) Locke Lamora - from The Lies of Locke Lamora/The Gentleman Bastards series by Scott Lynch. This is an odd one for me, because in one sense Locke is a very contrived archetypal character from an author that doesn't always pull it off as successfully as I feel he thinks he does.....like, what I mean is Locke is inherently that type of character that is SUPPOSED to push buttons and straddle a line between likable and unlikable....and to be fair, that is VERY hard to pull off without at least some of the time falling on the wrong side of that line and alienating at least some readers. But there's something very genuine or sincere feeling about the character underneath all that, which is ironic for a character who is an acknowledged pathological liar and hardly ever tells the truth....like I said, its an odd one for me because I can't actually put my finger on what makes this particular character work for me when so many similar characters just bug the crap out of me.

8) Damien - from Black Sun Rising/The Coldfire trilogy by C. S. Friedman - This one is a whole fucking lie because I don't actually even like Damien that much lmao, but the thing is, I don't have a particular fondness for any of the characters in this series? But I gotta put it on the list anyway because I just love the world in this series so much, and its practically a character in and of itself. Like, so this was a science fantasy series set on a distant planet in the future but otherwise steeped in fantasy archetypes about spirit creatures that only Adepts could see, and like, Fae and life energy and sorcery that had roots in scientific principles but was otherworldly all the same. And that's like.....all literally my jam, and so I can't deny that this series was very formative for me even if its not the best example of those concepts. Its just the one I tend to go back to the most in my mind, like....the world and its characters are very standout and larger than life for me, even if they don't specifically APPEAL to me? They're impactful all the same. Its another odd one. I'm odd. You just kinda gotta roll with it. Its a thing. Its factual.

9) Yeine Darr - from The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N. K. Jemisin - This was a tough one because I love literally everything by Jemisin and all her characters are just so....ooof. They're very very real, even in the most fantastical of settings. I have mad characterization envy every time I read her stuff, but like. Its so good. So really the struggle was picking one character or even two, because I mean, The Fifth Season and its sequels are easily her best known works and have a ton of fantastic characters, and I think her Dreamblood duology is vastly overlooked but in the end I had to go with The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms even if just cuz of nostalgia. Its the first of her works and when I first started reading her and so its just.....anyway, if I was gonna go with that, it had to be Yeine, because she's so central to everything and also just....fantastic. Nahadoth and Sieh are also standout characters who get mentioned a lot in talk of this trilogy, and they're both such big personalities that at times they kinda overshadow Yeine, but Yeine has such a compelling.....undercurrent to her that she never actually gets lost in the shuffle even when surrounded by all these larger than life gods, and just. You love to see it. I do anyway. And its my list so nyah. But also if you're gonna read Jemisin, read everything Jemisin. It just makes sense, y'know? Good for the pores.

10) Cayal and Arkady - from The Immortal Prince/The Tide Lords by Jennifer Fallon - All the other Tide Lords can rot, but Cayal is hilarious in a depressing way. He's a ten thousand year old immortal whose greatest wish is just to die, which is how he meets Arkady who is a historian who just wants to like....know everything he knows once she realizes he actually is the figure of legend he professes to be and is so mad at him for not really giving a shit about all the weight of history he's been present for, but Cayal's just like, umm, I LIVED it so that's why I don't care, I'm allowed to not care, that shit hurt. Did you miss the part where one of the other Tide Lords threw a fucking meteor at me? And Arkady, distinctly unimpressed, is just like....I thought YOU did that, to Jasper. And Cayal's like, no that doesn't sound right. And Arkady's just like, you literally JUST told me that story. And Cayal's like, huh. I must have been lying. I do that sometimes. And Arkady's like, I thought you never lie, that's your whole thing? And Cayal's like, ahah, but what if THAT was a lie too? And Arkady's just like, bitch I hate you so goddamn much, how are you the worst of all the Immortals while still the only one who will actually talk to me and answer my questions. Cayal's like, we may never know.

Anyway, there's my list but like there's a lot more obviously because I'm me, I don't do moderation, its against my religion, but also I have to stop some time and the ask was for ten and those were the ten that popped into my head so they must be the right ones! Probably. Until I change my mind at least.

[heckinhacker]

Heyy may i request bff headcanons for Kyle, Cartman, Craig & Tweek? If that’s too much characters, then just Kyle please :)

Kyle, Cartman, Craig and Tweek - Best Friends Forever headcanons!

A/N: Honestly, south park is rare on this blog so no, no problem at all! Wanted to write it sooner but writer’s block T~T’ 

Rest is under the cut cuz it might get long-

Kyle Broflovski

As I always say, South Park is a shithole and finding some REAL friends might be hard.

Kyle sometimes doubts his own existence, or everyone else’s. Literally. That’s how bizzare things are happening here. 

He cannot trust anybody, maybe Stan only. But sometimes he doubts him too. (Brutal truth) 

So seeing someone honestly concerned about him, and being stubborn at it, would make him soften up pretty quickly. 

As long as you’re not a Cartman, you’re fine. 

Maybe he didn’t start right off bat to spill his secrets out, but he invited you to hang outs more often when he realised you’re fine. 

The most of trust he shows when he invites you over his place. Without anyone else. Just you two. 

Nothing over-friendly line, you just laugh at stupid youtube videos, share some memes, tell some stories you somewhere read or heard. Friend things. 

If you prefer to stay inside, say goodbye to the comfort of your room. Kyle LOVES long walks, and he forces you to go with him. “It’s more healthy than ‘taking a walk’ simulator, [Y/N]!”. 

Long walks - long talks. 

Kyle never shuts up. No matter what. You know something’s wrong when he does. 

Kyle realised you’re his BESTIE FOR LIFE when Hanukkah was hitting close in the calendar. That time of the year he talks to noone since everyone celebrates Christmas. 

But you? You, beside spending time with family, decided to gain some knowledge about Hanukkah. 

You searched in the internet, asked Kyle’s parents, you just tried your best. And decided to surprise your best friend with Hanukkah gifts. Well, if you’re at it, you should get something for his parents and Ike too. 

Your pocket money cried fo mercy, but you had none. 

Everyone expected  your arrival but Kyle. 

And boy, was he emotional?? He had TEARS in his eyes. But he’d never addmit that. 

After that he’s loyal to you as FUCK. 

Anyone picks a fight with you? No need to strain your arms, Kyle is already at it. 

Someone made you sad? Emotional support Kyle right away. 

Cartman always teases you that you love yourselves so much you should date!

But you’re both comfortable with things the way they are now. 

Eric Cartman

From this four? The easiest one to befriend. 

Noone really stays around enough to get to know the deepest of him for him to call someone best friend. 

But here you are. 

Cartman is not very secretive when he likes someone. He just brags and brags about himself and his most private things. Just because he’s that egocentric. 

Not the best of friend material, really? His advices are shitty, mostly he’s the reason you’re sad or hurting, but you just stay beside him anyway, God knows why but he doesn’t. 

When he’s NOT the reason you want to cry, you can sit beside him and cry yourself out, he’d let you lean on his shoulder. Maybe he’d be silent, but he’d hear you out. 

If that’s what you want, he’s more than enough. 

Please don’t be chaotic duo with him one Cartman in South Park is enough.

BUT if you’re as rude as him, South Park is done with you two. You’re inseparable. 

Miss Cartman loves you as much as her own child, she’s just so grateful someone takes care of her Eric and is not here only for...any other reason.

You’re the only one person that Cartman knows that when picks on him and laughs at him, it’s for jokes, never for reals. 

That’s why he’s the most comfortable with you, to be honest. 

Too lazy for walks, but will go out when he has some bigger purpose than just wandering around, doing nothing. 

Craig Tucker

Almost the hardest to befriend. He’d be the most difficult, but we have Tweek on the list. 

Feels bad. 

Noone had any clue WHY are you trying so hard. Even his group sometimes have hard time figuring Craig out. 

He was very cold to you at first. 

He was worried you’d put him through some weird shit, like main four did. And he’d hate that. 

If you want to befriend him, you have to get trust of Token. At least. 

Don’t start with Clyde, Clyde likes everyone (almost), so you’d be nothing new, Craig will still ignore you. 

When Token, on the other hand, says you’re cool, you have to be. Craig would groan, but would try ot hang out with you normally. Well, as normal as he can. 

You knew he acts somehow different, so you held into that thought, trying to get to know him even further. 

“Why are you trying so hard?” - he’d once ask you when you stayed behind, when Craig was packing his things the slowest. You were alone. 

“ Well, you’re always beside people, but you still look alone. That looks like it hurts, so I want to help to stop it.”

“Weird.” he just answered and started walking out of classroom, you beside him. 

Well you weren’t wrong? He bottled his emotions inside, with noone to know about that. Even himself. 

“He’s just like that”, they’d say. 

Maybe he is, but he still has to have some kind of emotions, right? He’s a human being, after all. 

Maybe his emotional needs are not as big as for others, but they do, indeed, exist. 

Best advice giver. Plus he can help you out of panic attack. He’s REALLY good at it. He’s best friends with Tweek after all. 

If you make him actually more than tolerate you, trust me you’re safe and sound with this dude. 

Rely on Craig Tucker. 

He’s a ‘stay inside’ type of dude too. Watch some things together in silence, talk a little but not too much, just...vibing together.

Unlike Tweek, he’s okay to go outside though. To take some photos maybe, take in fresh air. 

Pro tip: never make small talks with him. He hates them. 

Tweek Tweak

my absolute favouritest boi

The hardest to befriend out of everyone. Literally.

He has big, BIG trust issues. 

Don’t force him into anything. Seriously. 

Small steps. Baby steps, even. 

Try to hang around him in Tweek Bro’s. Or at school where others are at. 

Never try to be with him alone at the beggining. Dude will freak out.

He generally freaks out when he notices you being around him most of the time.

“Y-you having any problem?? I’ve got an eye on you, you won’t kidnap me! My friends already know who to suspect when I’m-!”

“Tweek.”

“Wh-What?!”

“I don’t want to kidnap you, man. I just want to see how you’re doing. 

“...oh.” 

Still doesn’t trusts you, but relaxes. You’re in public place, after all. Many other people would see if you’d plan something on him. 

It takes a shitton of time for him to warm up to you. You see every single sign of him trusting you. 

Inviting you to hangouts with friends? Small step. 

Asking if you’d come when he’s working? Even bigger step. 

Damn, noone’s here beside you? He invited only you? Friendship points!! 

You know he considers you as a friend when he invites you over to his house. He never did that. When he asks if you want to come, you almost cry. 

You took your time and got sweetest boy as a friend. 

He notices the smallest changes in you, so when you’re feeling down by even slightest, he’d point that out. 

Advices are almost pointless, he cannot help himself, so helping others is even worse, but he tries to act like Craig acts when you open up to him. 

It’s so noticable you smile right away. Tweek tries his best.

He sometimes gives you free coffee. “It’s on me”, he says. He’s scared of what will his dad say, but you can count it as a payment. He doesn’t get paid for three people’s work on his shoulders, so he has rights to do what he wants. 

Prefers to stay inside. 

Big events and parties are a big no-no. 

He can force himself into big event happening somewhere close to South Park, but parties are NEVER an option. 

I’ll just mention, but boy do I hate Tweek’s surrname?? It feels like he’s a joke but he’s so important to so many people it’s sad-