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throwaway888890 · 3 months ago

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hi I am extremely nervous about making this post because I have tried my very best to stay out of this person's way and their drama because I didn't want to be associated with it anymore but I simply cannot stand it anymore.

hi. I'm the ex girlfriend that was mentioned in those posts and I can confirm this is all very likely to be true.

mts has a horrible history of abusive behavior and doing whatever they can to keep their victims silent.

I am one of those victims.

mts has been obsessed with me for years now and we had a horrible off and on relationship that started when we were 11/12 that would go on to ruin us when we were 16.

we got a lot of shit (and by we I also mean my system because we have OSDD) from them but I can say it was nothing near as severe as to what their former partner went through.

we were bullied, harrassed, catfished and isolated from not only friends but they even reached out to our mother on an occasion in an effort to "punish" us.

when we would give anyone more attention then them, they'd split and have a meltdown and start up old drama to isolate us from anyone but them.

when we were trying to be better, they would lie to others faces and complain about us nonstop to make them think we were horrible meanwhile talking directly to our faces about how good we were doing.

they tried to catfish us on more then one occasion, the main one being the summer of 2022 where they said they were trying to "be friends" with us again and they along with their partner, and two other people played with us like we were some sort of pawn.

one of those people catfishes us as a person named Otis and made up horrible stories for us to feel empathetic towards them and try to help them. this went on for about a month and a half until I am guessing no one wanted to keep up the charade as it ended abruptly and then MTS split on us for apparently no reason and isolated us once again.

at that time the only reason we can think of this happening was because our former host grew close to not only their partner but who played 'Otis' and they no longer desired to keep it up. (this is a guess, this hasn't been confirmed.)

(they also tried to catfish us as another person named sparrow but we caught onto that quickly)

they went on to tell us everything was our fault and that we were horrible and berate us in many different ways.

we split ways for quite a while after that.

some months passed and they reached out again and we were extremely wary of them at this point. they said they were sorry and trying to do better but we held them at extreme arms length and mostly survived not talking to them because of our partner at the time.

when that ended mts immediately swooped in and tried to get us back and we did, except it wasn't for them. it was for their partner.

we had talked a bit during that summer of 22 and grown to like each other but were forced away from each other due to them. we started talking and eventually grew to have crushes on each other.

they alone convinced us to date them and mts again.

we were not in it for mts. we only liked their partner.

it was during this time we learned mts had been hitting them and abusing them whenever they didn't get their way.

we knew the depths of mts's psychological abuse as victims ourselves and because we were scared of being targeted again, we left once more.

we felt awful for leaving the partner but we couldn't go through what we had with mts before again. the suicide baiting, the horrible rumors, the mistreatment, the alters switching up constantly and never knowing who was telling the truth. everything seemed to change at will and as we grew up with time away from them we realized how much plain psychological manipulation there was.

for ages we felt horrible about leaving the partner- we still do.

during this time mts was editing their messages in our dms after we blocked them constantly. telling us how much they missed us, begging us to come back, using alters we were closest to and having then beg and plead that they would do everything to appease us. we admittedly watched this all in silence.

in the summer of last year (2024) we reached out to their partner again after hearing they had broken up. we talked and caught up and we encouraged them to kick mts out of their house bht they were understandably scared.

after this talk, we had learned right after our conversation that they had turned around and slept with them.

we went dry after that. we were disappointed and appalled and also devastated they could not see the things we saw and so desperately wanted them to get away from.

about a month later we checked the blocked messages of mts to find that they were apologizing for their partner saying they were sorry they slept with them and to forgive them and also that we should come back among other things.

we were deeply disappointed in their partner at the time as well as deeply insecure that no one would ever love us except MTS. eventually we broke and edited a reply to then saying we didn't know what to feel or think or really who we were anymore.

a lot had changed in our own system since we tore apart from them (it had been almost a year at this point) and we were feeling lost and alone.

not long after that we deleted our account so we could force ourselves to stop checking the messages and prevent ourselves from responding further.

that was all for months until we were alerted that they were going around trying to apologize about everything they had done to us. they told everyone how they messed us up and how they made us out to be horrible to everyone when we had gotten better.

they continued to try to "be better" and used us as an example of getting better and said they wanted to be like us.

about a month ago we received a dm from one of their friends requesting we read a Google document from them. it was a layered apology but also manipulation was plain as day from what we coild see now.

their "apology" contained mentions of how we'd "messed up in the past" and how they couldn't "speak for others" which they always knew made us feel horrible and used to guilt trip us constantly before along with copying padting word for word a conversation one of their hosts Finn had with our former host about talking things out before we left as we had a habit of running away. any thoughts of hearing them out went out the window at that.

there was no talking to them about anything. they'd get better for a little while before ending up right back where we started and eventually we woke up and realized that. we couldn't take it anymore and we left.

we know they have been stalking us for ages as we would get notifications from many accounts we'd have to block along with finding out they would steal our playlists on spotify by forcing their partners partner to take them for them after we had blocked them.

we have had to block many of their friends as well because of profile views and the knowledge of them stalking us.

they had our body name plastered all over their things as well at one point had our government name and face in their public profile and talked about us frequently talking about how we were their soul mate and true love. they had us in their SP multiple times and were deeply and truly obsessed with us.

they even sent mail to our house and admitted to stalking our residence on Google earth.

i cannot say what is true aside from the physical and psychological abuse of their partner and the emotional and psychological abuse of us, but there is no doubt in my mind that everything in those tweets are true.

they are horribly messed up people.

thank you for taking time to read this.

there will be more photos contained in the notes of this post.

#milkteasystem #pyritesystem #mts

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sysmedsaresexist · 11 months ago

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so this is an honest question because you seem to understand the ToSD really well, and this is something that has always confused us; is there a specific reason for the idea that identity integration can only be interupted by trauma and not a neurological or biological issue?

We ask because we have autism which has affected almost everything about our existence and functioning from how we process information and sensory input, to how we learn, and even how we experience emotions and more complex things like our self perception and gender.

It is confusing to us that all these other things, including identity and perception, can be changed by something biological/neurological, and thats generally accepted to be true but the idea that and extremely long and complex process that also depends on feedback from other people can't be?

We get specific trauma responses and symptoms but the whole "the only way for states not to integrate/integrate fully is trauma in one specific window" seems to make integration one of if not the only processes in the brain that can't be disrupted by neurology and that is confusing to us

This is a good and valid question.

And here's the truth.

We don't know that it's the only way.

However, that conversation is 100% completely separate from structural dissociation.

It's so important to remember that structural dissociation is specifically and solely focused on dissociation in response to trauma.

Nothing else. It can't be compared to anything else.

I'm genuinely not sure how to structure this post, so I'm going to talk about a couple different theories/ideas, in no particular order. Give it a chance and read to the end, where we talk about the flip side.

I think we need to first talk about trauma in relation to developmental and neurological disorders.

As a reminder, trauma is not an event, but a reaction to things around you.

For children with things like autism, ADHD, anxiety, OCD, they're not only at a higher risk of being abused and traumatized, but they're more easily traumatized by a wider range of things. They're the populations most prone to pathological dissociation.

Did you daydream a lot as a kid? Does MaDD kind of hit hard? Did teachers and parents get really mad at you for your dissociation?

I hate to tell you this, but there's a high chance you're traumatized.

And the thing with CPTSD, what is essentially a precursor to DID and (largely considered) to be a dissociative disorder, is that it can be so hard to pinpoint where and how it started. It's a lifetime of papercuts vs a car accident. Do you remember every little cut? The cause can seem invisible.

The leading cause of CPTSD is emotional neglect, something even the most well-intentioned parents can do without ever meaning to. It's called the invisible abuse for a reason.

And emotional neglect happens so much easier when your child has additional needs that are commonly missed and not diagnosed until adulthood, long after the crucial period where they needed the most help.

All that said, we need to talk again about how many of those disorders include dissociation already.

Not only is dissociation common, but things like autism are highly recognized to affect a person's sense of self, specifically in childhood, but now you're getting into "chicken and egg" conversations.

In my own opinion, I would think that if autism alone could result in dissociated identities, we would know that by now. I mean, look at BPD, we know what happens with trauma in childhood that doesn't result in DID. There's an incredible amount of discussion about whether certain cases of BPD are actually sister-versions of OSDD (think OSDD-1c, the less defined alters seen in 1a, plus the lack of amnesia seen in 1b).

All THAT said, we're talking about dissociation and trauma.

This doesn't touch on the way people define and interpret their personal experiences. It seems completely plausible that people could simply just be more in tune with aspects of themselves, and view life through a comfortable, happy lens of multiplicity.

The multiple self theory has been around as long as the ToSD.

And that discussion doesn't necessarily need to be separate from dissociation and trauma, but I think for some it just is.

In every sense of the word, it just... is.

It simply is that way for them.

I firmly believe these two concepts would be 100% separate and different (acknowledging that for some, these can and do overlap, but I'm talking about brain scan level differences)

Unfortunately, words are limited, and there's only one perfect word for both experiences.

"System".

I hope this was some food for thought. I encourage people to get involved in the conversation!

#pro syscourse conversation #plurality #system safe #tosd #trauma and dissociation

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thefoolsystem · 6 months ago

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So, I don’t know if this is right to ask, but I would really appreciate the opinion of a system. Obviously you can’t diagnose us, duh, but a little reassurance or criticism may be nice. Cause unfortunately, research can only get us so far.

So I , the host, am pretty sure that we are a system (traumagenic). There’s 4 alters, each with their own name, looks, and personality. Originally it was just me and my first alter, who we'll call 💫 cause she doesn’t want her name on here. Then there’s 🪶, 🍒, and 💐 (names also emojified for safety reasons). 💫 and I split when the body was young due to some serious trauma. Then we split again in like… 2022? And that’s where 🪶,💐, and 🍒came from. Early 2023, those three went dormant due to another traumatic event, this time threatening our system as a whole, and I haven’t heard from them since. I think it may be in part because this event was triggered by 🪶, who specifically went against our wishes of talking about himself to my family, and thus my parents found out and bam shit hit the fan. Deep down I know they’re still here, somewhere.

💫 and I have done extensive amounts of research on the matter by (for many years), determining that it’s definitely not DID, but potentially a form of OSDD. However I still think I’m faking it and that this voice isn’t actually me taking to myself (which seriously upsets 💫). But then when I actually fo talk to myself, it’s different than when 💫 talks to be, so obviously this voice isn’t my own but I don’t want to potentially be faking it or something else or have it not be OSDD. We switch out (💫 and I actually switched last night for the first time in a hot minute) but we don’t have amnesia. I guess my worry is “what if I’m just faking this” or something like that.

thank you in advance and if this makes you and your system too uncomfy, feel free to just delete it!

-Host and 💫

sorry if posting this ask makes you uncomfy at all! if it does, I will take it down.

it seems like you've been doing a lot of observation on yourself, with what little information I can see. i would like to point out that, regardless what you or a medical professional decide in the end, you will never be free of feeling like you're "faking" it.

i'm a diagnosed system with lots of amnesia and I constantly think I'm faking.

you seem educated on OSDD/DID, which is great. please don't be afraid to learn more about yourself.

i myself have no idea how many alters i have, so it's nice to see that you seem to have a handle on it. the dormancy thing, however, is something I understand. i had a persecutor who lashed out a few years ago, faced severe consequences, and has been dormant since.

good luck <3 and all my support for you

#endos dni #ceecee

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the-chorus-of-voices-collective · 1 year ago

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I just saw a post that was something along the lines of-

This line of dialog "being gay/trans is unnatural!" And then the post saying in response 'you traumatized your child so regularly and severely that their identity fractured into 49 different parts'

The post ends with this 'no animal could ever come close to hurting a child like that'

This really. Really stuck with me. Cause their right. Animals run primarily on instinct and learned behaviors. However that instinct will never be to hurt their offspring the way humans hurt theirs. Animals do not have the urge to inflict unnecessary pain. Do some kill/eat their children from time to time? Yes I won't deny that. But it's not for their pleasure. They simply do it because it's the circle of life.

What I'm trying to say is that-i believe. Or I would hope because humans have already failed me.

I believe that an animal should they have been given our sentience and awareness they wouldn't inflict suffering on their young. I think they would cherish those little guys like children are meant to be. Those little guys wouldn't be subjected to anything close to what I or many others have been through. Because at their core I genuinely believe animals can only love.

Humans on the other hand. Are full of hatred and it sickens me.

Yknow my boyfriend texted me today. Half-dissociated and numb. Because his grandmother responded to a snarky comment by snatching, and ruining my boyfriends food. My boyfriend had to wrestle his food back. And feeling obvious frustration, he slammed the door of the microwave and subsequently got yelled at for it. He yelled back. He got hit for it. His aunt and his mother had to get between them because that grown ass woman was dead set on beating my boyfriend. Then proceeded to get bitchy and defensive when not given the fucking chance.

Why am I saying this? Why the fuck am I going on this long-winded rant. I may not even be making sense right now. None of you could have stopped and read this but that doesn't matter cause If one person hears me and processes what I'm trying to get across that's enough for me. If that person is myself? Well thats fine by me.

I hate the human race. I hate DID/OSDD and what had to happen for our community to have this disorder. Maybe not everyday is pain but I remember a time when it was.

20 headmates. 20 people living in our brain because mother couldn't stop fighting and screaming and couldn't ever seem to get to us when her now ex-husband got too angry and pushed me around like a rag doll. Said ex-husband being sure to employ graphic threats to my or my siblings safety when he felt he was being disrespected. Various fits of loud pointed cursing and throwing things around.

A child shouldn't fear being hit by someone who should love them. A child shouldn't expect someone who should love them to hit them.

Animals wouldn't hurt me like humans have. The worst my dog has ever done to me is hump my fucking leg before backing off with a bit of scolding.

The worst my parents have done to me is fracture my identity into 20 pieces because they were so hurt and broken they just couldn't help themselves to break me down to that state as well.

they didn't hear me when I screamed. When I screamed for help or just a scrap of love that wasn't imposing or codependent. They weren't there when I cried into the night wishing for death.

I was a scared little kid. And now I'm a traumatized and bitter teenager.

Who am I?

It depends.

But one thing is this. Animals? They wouldn't hurt me the way humans have. They wouldn't hurt you. They would take in or have children and love them because that's what you're supposed to do with children.

We didn't deserve what happened to us.

The animals know that.

(I was going to reblong the original post but unfortunately I had to refresh my screen and lost sight of it. Credit goes to the original poster)

#traumagenic system #actually did #actually traumagenic #actually dissociative #actually plural #osddid #dissociative identity disorder #actuallyplural #anti endo #endos dni #endos aren't real #endos fuck off #endos do not interact #traumagenic did #childhood trauma #abuse survivor #complex ptsd #trauma

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fleshfictive · 3 months ago

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some of my posts can hit a certain amount of notes but here's your general reminder that this is my personal blog where i post about my personal experiences, and that i don't speak for the entire DID/OSDD community when i post. each system is different. stop trying to debate me on my personal experiences. thanks

#system stuff #no tags

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circular-bircular · 1 year ago

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I agree with a lot of criticisms of the endogenic community, but I've also seen exactly the same stuff in the traumagenic community.

I've seen plenty of traumagenic systems spread misinformation. A good chunk of syscoursers I see on here can't even get the definition of endogenic right. There's also stuff like making blanket statements that "real" systems do that I see almost constantly. Not to mention the entire fact that OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b aren't an actual diagnosis and the source of this is a DID resource that seems reputable.

It also feels like making abusers within the community an "endogenic thing" when it isn't. There are plenty of abusers in this community or people who use abuse tactics that are traumagenic systems. I've never seen any anti-endos call out these systems or abuse and harassment within their own community.

Not to mention how much endogenic systems with later in life trauma experience gatekeeping. Fucking hell I hate that syscourse with constant invalidation is a thing in a community where people DISSOCIATE. Which includes derealization. I literally can't interact with the CDD community half the time despite having OSDD because I will almost always get triggered to dissociate. Then people act all self assured about posting invalidation in the CDD tags because they don't see endogenic systems as people anyway.

These communities don't stop and end at Discord. Tumblr's plural community skews far younger than it does on other websites, hell if you use Reddit there's endogenics who are in their 30s and 40s on there.

I guess it's like yeah the endogenic community is bad on here, but the traumagenic community can be too.

(Honestly I'd also say a lot of endogenic harassment might also boil down to a trauma response. Being constantly told you don't exist weighs heavily down on a person's psyche and it's reasonable to lash out. I feel like whenever I interact at the community I hit my limit so quickly. There's a bit of a level of privilege non-endogenic systems have because they aren't the ones who's literal personhood and existence aren't constantly being questioned. Syscourse is a demeaning, awful experience.)

Okay. I'm finally done grading for the night. Time to tackle this monstrosity.

I agree with a lot of criticisms of the endogenic community, but I've also seen exactly the same stuff in the traumagenic community.

Let me just stop you right there, since I've been simmering over your ask the entire day and I don't feel like mincing words.

I have also criticized the traumagenic community.

In my experiences, I have had far less problems in traumagenic communities than in endogenic communities. To be fair, this is likely because I'm a traumagenic system, and I need spaces for myself.

If what you meant is anti-endo spaces, then I'm sorry to say that I'm not one for conflating CDD systems with being anti-endo. That's an entirely different argument.

Like I said, already addressed, even in the very post everyone's been so upset about. The post where I said "All sides have issues, but specific sides have specific issues." There are big issues in traumagenic spaces, such as the propensity for trauma bonding, or blanket statements about "real systems." But

I see that from endogenic spaces too, so please be clear if this is a "both sides have this problem" thing (which I said already) or a "traumagenic systems are worse about this" thing (which I disagree with). Also don't even bother being clear, because I don't think I wanna hear from you again due to the end of your ask.

I don't give a fuck about "official diagnosis" stuff in a community of individuals who are trying to survive. I don't care that 1A/1B are not "official diagnosis" stuff, particularly as it used to be used to describe DDNOS, and there are still systems alive today with that diagnosis. Like, have I not made it fucking clear on this blog that I don't care how people identify, as long as it isn't hurting anyone or going against the truth? The DSM is not the end-all-be-all of all things DID. That includes 1A/1B delineations.

[Stares in flashbacks to the callout posts for that "self-identified MAP" anti-endo who killed themselves due to the harassment they received from the anti-endo community]

[Stares in flashbacks to the callout posts about SAS for literally every single fucking thing ever, despite not even identifying as anti-endo anymore]

[Stares in the shit I've kept to myself as a victim of people because my trauma is hard to overcome, and that shit stays in therapy]

[Stares in "I fucking call-out anti-endos on a regular basis, where the fuck have you been, it's just that the majority I see nowadays are blockable trolls who aren't worth the goddamn time, and as I ALREADY FUCKING SAID, I AM CALLING OUT THE BEHAVIOR OVER THE PEOPLE AT THIS POINT.]

Anyways.

:exhausted:

I agree with this, anon. I really do. I'm so fucking tired of the lack of ability of anyone to find space or resources or what have you. But none of this was included in my criticisms, and wasn't the point I was making. If I want to make that point -- if I have the TIME to make that point, ffs -- then I will, because I was literally just talking about this with a friend today in DMs, about how it's bullshit how much is barred from pro-endo CDD systems.

But also.

Your triggers aren't our problems. I also get triggered by the CDD communities. Awww what a shame, it's called I have a fucking dissociative disorder. It's going to happen, and that's a neutral thing. I understand what you're getting at is that the gatekeeping is what's triggering you, but please understand, you're going to be triggered in CDD spaces.

[Stares in "I made this same exact point already"]

I guess it's like yeah the endogenic community is bad on here, but the traumagenic community can be too.

[Stares in "I made this same exact point already"]

And now...

The moment you've all been waiting for.

THIS BITCH?

Let's dismantle this one, shall we?

Claim 1: Endogenic systems are harassing people because of trauma responses.

My opinion: Sure, why not? I think a lot of people harass others due to trauma responses. This does not excuse them or make them okay, and I will still continue to speak out against that shit. Being traumatized doesn't make you suddenly get a pass on being an asshole. But you say that it's reasonable to lash out? I don't think it is. I don't think I'm even being reasonable right now, because even though I have sat on this ask for... Lord only knows how many hours at this point, this came in while I was still grading my second period... Even despite that, I am still boiling at the entitlement. Because of your second claim.

Claim 2: Non-endogenic systems are privileged because they are "more recognized."

My opinion: My opinion is, if I ever see you on my blog again, I will be deleting everything I can see from you. Any asks, any comments, anything that seems to indicate it's you, anon, will be immediately deleted.

Let's rephrase this. DID systems are lucky they're traumatized. DID systems are lucky to be visibly struggling. DID systems are lucky because they have a diagnosis in the DSM.

Mind you, that diagnosis has been constantly challenged, and everywhere you look, it's still called a "controversial" diagnosis. Split came out in my lifetime. I grew up learning about Sybil in my psych classes, and I even learned how it was all fake and made up, and how MPD was made up because of Sybil. I had to force myself after weeks of agonizing, with the help of my partner, to try emailing a therapist for the help I so desperately needed, and braced myself entirely to be told that my literal actual life experience, my disorder, did not exist.

UwU Oh but don't worry, I definitely know I'm privileged. Because, you see, I do have a diagnosis! Which... lets me... get the life-saving therapy I need at a cheaper price? Which isn't very different from the endogenic systems I know who have various types of diagnosis for the same reason. Huh.

It's also so bold of you to pop up on my blog and say people don't question the existence of my disorder, when I have been so incredibly vocal about how the existence of my disorder was constantly questioned by pro-endo systems. Not anti-endo systems!!! Pro-endo ones!

Look past the edge of your nose, you sorry excuse for anon hate dressed up in a trench coat, and maybe perceive the forest around you.

#syscourse #venting #asks #anon #vessel on a calming sea #I am allowed to bitch about my experiences on my own goddamn blog

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alicesoinions · 5 months ago

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hey, sorry if u answered this somewhere else but i was wondering how did you come to the realization that you were plural? i recently have been super unstable/not doing well mentally & got back into hs for comfort & came across that jade plural theory. i always HEAVILY related to her, especially her forgetfulness & reminder system (i literally did the same thing with the finger bands in elementary school lol) to the point i feel connected to her & even went by her name before (and still do sometimes, but situation dependent… not by mood/feeling). along with some other weird experiences during this stressful time that i have sneakily asked friends with DID if they experience, and the answers have been "yes". i still feel like i am just one person though… i just change a lot! i keep feeling sick or panicked when i am reading those theories! but, i keep going back to them anyway. i am turning 27 this year and was so sure that i would have known by now, but it won't leave my head. i even used to… man i just remembered something while i was typing this. this happens every day lately!!! i used to pretend to have a headmate called jade when i was 17 (but it wasn't like hs jade at all, she was just "me" but i would attribute all these negative emotions to her… at the time i rationalized that it was to distance myself from shitty feelings associated with bpd). i'm honestly so confused and it's too overwhelming to do research rn when those posts already throw me off so bad. does any of that sound familiar? how did you figure it out? do you have any pointers for me? i'm worried that i'm just having some kind of psychotic experience & that my brain is using my knowledge of DID via my entire friend group except me having that dx as fodder. it is okay if you ignore this also i did not mean to trauma dump. gog help me lol

how did you come to the realization that you were plural?

it actually took quite a while! we've been plural since like 4~5 years old but only found out in the last year or two. we actually started investigating the possibility of being OSDD (where you don't quite have fully separate people, just different facets) until one of us fronted and we realized we were fully plural.

we started considering the possibility when we noticed we were prone to having pretty different 'moods', or variable tastes depending on the time. expressing one opinion one day and a contrary opinion the next, or having a certain style of music we liked while doing art and another while doing spreadsheets. we started talking to plural people, and here we are.

especially her forgetfulness

see one thing I think it helps to keep in mind is like; in fiction, if someone is missing memories, that's often accompanied by a sharp distinction of where the memories end, with an audible pang, with a sharp pain in the brain, with them clutching their heads. but in reality, not remembering exactly what an alter did is... very much just like being forgetful. anyone can be forgetful of course, but the natural process of forgetting and I-don't-remember-because-alter very much feel like the same thing.

i still feel like i am just one person though… i just change a lot!

this very much feels the way we've experienced it. we never not feel like ourselves; we always feel like we're ourselves, the thing is that who the "myself" is changes. this is specially enhanced by how, before finding out you're plural, everyone just responds to the same name. if during all your life you've responded to (say) "Sophia", every alter is used to thinking of themselves as "Sophia". even if they're different "Sophia"s!

i am turning 27 this year and was so sure that i would have known by now

for what it's worth, we were 28 when we found out

does any of that sound familiar?

yes

I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help by answering asks, but do feel free to send more if you want, or hit me up in DMs. if you want to keep anonymous, you can always create a throwaway sideblog to chat with me that way.

#anon #asks

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bagaluten-sys · 2 months ago

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How we (or more Host) went from definetly singlet to suspecting (very long life story)

("He", "We", "I", "the (...)" might change throughout the post)

So when I say "definetly singelt" I do not mean in denial, or pushing it back or silently suspecting. There was just no way werden had it. No symptoms head notice or remember.

We knew about DID since we were in seventh grade. We (or rather he) suspected only four years later (which feels a lot when you're in your teeny years).

We totally forgot about the disorder in eighth grade. We had a hard life. We didnt life at home and got thrown out at our first residential group for autistic kids and teens. Even tho we didnt know, we were dissociating a lot back then. Thoughts like "its too loud", "too many opinions", "I cant think", "i'm never able to make decisions" showed up daily.

Now were we had to change homes again, Host had an idea. We use TikTok drafts as a diary and have been doing that since we were twelve. Host decided to make another TikTok but divides his different parts with names and then after the video piece it together and make a plan for our future living situation. The thought of DID/OSDD didnt cross the mind once tho.

Only while watching the video back-it first hit. The voices were different, the little struggles with speech, the caretaker was emotional and encouraging, sometimes the glasses were worn and sometimes not. Suddenly the forgotten memorys of DID came back.

The denial and suspecting started, including the research. We finally came across the OSDD1-diagnosis. We made online tests (since the therapist there wasnt trustworthy) and went back to denial. One day we decided to do our first online test (not for diagnosis, just to check if the possibility is there) and saw it was already clicked by our device.

We read others experience and related. A lot. The Host finally got a possible answer to "why do I show traits of ASPD, even tho im very empathetic and feel guilty often?" and more questions I cant remember rn.

Before that the suspected diagnosis was BPD (plus our diagnosed mental health issues/ developmental disorder).

For a while we did our best to function. Its been two years now and only recently we started healing. A lot of life changing events have lead us here. But we are together and better. We are clean and able to life on our own.

The denial stays, but I am eager to know what else will come our way.

PS: before that one of our therapist (one we trusted a lot and that was really good) gave us a fill out chart about OSDD1, but we declined since we werent suspecting.

#Did #Osdd1 #Osdd1a #Osdd1b #Sysblr #Sys Blog #Denial #suspected system #system journal #How we found put about our system #From singlet to suspecting

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ravyn-pain · 10 months ago

Text

This post is just to collect all my oc facts in one post that i had posed on instagram as im making tumblr my main platform now

you can read them under the cut :D

Out of all the siblings, ravyn is the oldest

Ravyn is 5 years older than Blair and Silver and has a different father resulting in him being only part demon and part basilisk but not a vampire

Due to his father's actions, he pretended to not be a basilisk until in very late years he finally made peace with his basilisk side

Ravyns father is a good guy and takes care of ravyn as much as he can considering he was devoiced and ravyn suddenly became royalty it became a little harder but they have a good relationship

Ravyns stepfather on the other hand is a different question considering ravyn did kill the guy for his actions on his siblings

Only Grader basilisk and certain changelings can actually copy and fully truly mimic another species' traits

normal changelings and lesser basilisks can still shapeshift but not truly mimic another species ability-wise

it's how ravyn hid his basilisk self so long he is a grader basilisk

the spikes on a light vampire tail are poisonous

Their spit can fix that tho

ravyns hair was braided by Roze who wanted to give him a

lil makeover randomly and he liked it

Archangels that became spirits of any kind after death can still fall!

This happens to lizkana in proxy as ravyn uses a few spells that are forbidden for angels resulting in Liz becoming fallen

Liz does not mind she even gave permission a long time ago

A fallen archangel's white stars in the eyes become black like an

archdemons eyes

Vyrn is ravyn in full disguise when he does not want to be recognized

He acts differently while in that appearance and only selected people know that that is him

It's how he

sometimes manages to just disappear when things are too much or something happens and he needs to be alone

Vyrn used to be the disguise ravyn used to go around while being wanted

He continued using it to just have a

break from things and from himself, he enjoys pretending to be someone else from time to time

Ravyn has OSDD-1b but in his older years (when he hit his 500ers) they managed to do a final fusion resulting in him taking traits of his alters

If nothing goes absolutely badshit crazy then he will split again tho only time can tell

Ravyn is finally slowly finding peace with himself and his life

Concepts are the highest gods there are (outside of the nexus)

There can be more than one concept of the same thing this is very rare tho! And mainly the concept of time is known to be present twice

Concepts only have a full concept form if they are fully initialized!

That needs to happen willingly from a person itself or with the help of a fully initialized concept

There is a 50/50 chance of also mostly losing your emotions

The full concept forms are kinda of eldrich like and can't be seen by normal people only by gods, demi

gods, non-initiated concepts, and full concepts

Only on rare occasions can a normal person presive a full concept form without passing out

A concept has a base power it alwase has But the longer it goes being uninitiated the stronger it becomes when they initiated

This does not apply to element concepts or soul concepts!

about snow

the crystal in her chest

Pready much hit her heart so she has no heartbeat

the magic of the crystal is what keeps her alive so removing it would kill her It is also what keeps her blood flow going this is

have enough magic control and

enough magic to do All of the magic guardians can pull this off ravyn is the one who can pull it off the longest

#10

the timeline events were ravyn or more

Crimson went off the rails due to the hated magic that was thrown at him (not fully ravyns fault as he was talked into it by lizkana when he was like 12 and mentally a 9-year-old)

were stopped by Blair!

Blair unfortunately lost most of her emotions in the progress (strong emotions still come through and her personality didn't change too much from it anyway

but ravyn does not remember that as

Blair blocked off the memory for his own well-being so ravyn also does not know that Blair's initiation as a concept was to stop him

Blair does not resent ravyn as she knows he is not really in control

#11

Mary janes sister is blind she can only really see light and dark and the magic auras of people and objects

this unfortunately caused mj parents to completely neglect MJ, which later caused a situation that caused mj to become fallen (mj is an angel but finding a Terra orb transformed her into what she is now)

it didn't help that mj is not the strongest magic-wise

it caused mj to have a very bad relationship with her parents and go no contact

she has a very good relationship with her the only family member ahd

currently has contact with

maybe she will try to contact her parents one day

who knows??

#12

magic guardians have their own pledge they use

All kingdoms have a pledge but the magic guardians are known to not use it due to them acting separately from the kingdom (as they are technically a mercenary

Team)

This did cause confusion in the beginning but it was accepted

Also, all members of the magic guardians are not original citizens of the Equinnien kingdom while in the old Quatet now known as the holy Quartet all are

Originally from the Equinnen kingdom

(ignoring that ravyn was part of them for a good while)

As a mercenary team, they have some special

permissions

But it also helps the case that they have diplomatic immunity

They still are seen as special forces team

But what kind of permission do they have?

They are one step lower than the Queen herself they can overpower her

discussions it needed this was implemented by Lucky Stricker just in case and anything like that would need to go through ravyn first too as a security measure

They are also deeply involved with the kingdom itself yet they are not tied to the decisions tho hence why they can act commolet against the kingdom with no problems if needed

Lucky also trusts her uncle's decisions as he knows what he is doing most of the time

#13

Ravyn acts like a royal advisor to Lucky while not officially having that title

People know that Lucky trusts ravyn decisions most time and if not she has good reasons and ravyn accepts that

But Lucky knows he will go with what he believes is right but also knows we will try not to pull

everyone is into whatever he is doing except the magic guardian's members

#14

Both Silver and Blair are part of the magic guardians

Blair is the only one with ravyn who has an outside job of the mercenary group

Blair being a doctor/ surgeon

Ravyn being an escort and doc/surgeon

Ravyn is also part of the high council and magic council

This is how they can get inside information about stuff

And yes they know how ravyn tents to use the information

#15

lizkana usually stops Ravyn before he can go full-on berserk out of Rage by taking control of the body

there have been a few recorded incidents

where she could not take over in time

the most recent one being a unique case

as she did even try to stop him from going berserk when his younger brother Lucifer got killed

That so far the only case where lizkana

encourages him to go berserk

#16

Ravyn was not born into royalty but rather gained royal status due to his mother's marriage. This also resulted in his double surname, as vampire citizens always have them. He acquired his stepfather's surname, which he later changed when he married Yuno.

As he grew older, he became more familiar with and embraced his royal heritage, no longer hiding the fact that he was royalty.

#17

Ravyn despite being 5 years older alwase was behind in development as a child he was slower

This caused him to enter school 2 years late and being only 2 grades Over Blair and silver

Blair was also the first to run away at 16

Silver ran away at 17 and ravyn ran away at 24 It was also when he went on a murder spree as his mind just snapped hard

He luckily snapped out of it later on but still suffered from it for centuries

He still doing his best to fix his mistakes by helping as much as he can as he feels very guilty and very bad he even did that stuff so he's trying to fix it

#18

Ravyn and Blair had a secret agreement

running that if something happens and they dont think they can do the job as a concept

anymore they transfer the powers to the other sibling

this unfortunately would take effect in a hospital attack where Blair would permanently lose her magic

making ravyn the concept of reality and time

Blair survises but barely due to no longer being a concept her emotions block is also lifted giving her back her ability to feel emotions again in full swing

her personality is

mostly the same still just now a little more emotional

#19

Basilisks are with changelings the only species that lay eggs the egg is inside them for 1 month and for the rest, it takes 3 months till hatching

there can be more than one kid in the egg too!

hybrids still are possible basilisk hybrids sometimes take longer till hatching and if they are in the womb of someone who does not lay eggs they actually often grow faster and birth happens

after 5 months

#20

the most common nicknames ravyn has so far

Short Stack (a nickname a lot of people start using for him he loves the nickname unironically his siblings started it but he tends to call himself Short Stack)

danger noodle that one was a joke that just became a few friends calling him that)

the emotional one(he is very expressive when and emotional at times earning him that nickname)

#21

Ravyn

relationship status

Married to yuno

a lot of times things just don't work out so they decide to split but

ravyn makes sure it's on good terms and he is still friends with all of them

Also seby, Aurora, and Polaroid still live with ravyn! The house he owns is so big and has so many rooms he lets them stay as he otherwise does not know what to do with all the godamm rooms he has

Divorced but in very good terms

Seby (still married to yuno)

Polaroid

Klara

green heart

Aurora (still married to yuno)

ravyn is still poly and alwase will be if he clicks

with someone he will try and whether it works out or not only time can tell

#22

Basilisk's mother tongue is Russian!

Due to ravyn being part Basilisk and living with Basilisks till he was 5, he has a Russian accent!

A pretty strong one too thanks to his mother's decision to only communicate in that language with him

silver and Blair's mother tongue is German

Ravyn is still also fluent in Germany

due to the vampires speaking German and him after age 5 growing up there

He can obv speak English as that is the universal language

also, when angry he starts ranting in Russian XD

#23

diabetes type 1 runs rampant in ravyns

family line Mainly coming from his mother

How bad is it?

Well here is a list

Ravyn=type 2(only one who didn't get born with it and got it later in life)

Blair=type 1

Silver=no diabetes

Luci (rip)=type 1

Seeker=no diabetes

Mary and Cary = Both have type 1

At one point their mother joked she just cursed somehow

Not a lot of people know ravyn has type 2 He is doing a dam good job of hiding

#24

Crimson Crisis is a former alter of ravyn that became a separate entry entirely when lizkana managed to take ravyn intro throwing her collected hate magic away with then going to the next person with Crimson making him go bonkers and causing the timeline events

nefrinty with hate (diamond) help could completely separate

Crimson from ravyn makes him a completely separate person spread a lot about did so try to represent it right

but it is different for everybody! I have huge magical and soul aspects I need to also put in this

crimson has no ill feelings against ravyn but it took a few years and lots of therapy to contact ravyn to fix something now they are very good friends and he's considered a sibling!

Genetic wise he's a basilisk hybrid like ravyn but prefers appearing as a dark vampire! crimson is the only alter that went "evil" tho he's not evil and was just affected by some awful magic!

ravyns other alters were never evil and would never be (not that they can due to a successful final fusion)

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turnitsysclusive · 6 months ago

Text

Tumblr is very, VERY finecky so if you saw our first response, no you didn't. This response will cover a few key points here, but we would like to acknowledge that this post spreads misinformation. Ironically enough.

A note before we begin: when a post discussing a blogs behavior doesn't feature evidence, proceed with caution. We also ask that no harassment is sent towards both sides.

"These posts blatantly plagiarize specifically talked specifically talked about symptoms of DID, trauma involved with DID, and the disorder itself"

While it is true that we do edit posts discussing DID, we do NOT edit symptoms, trauma, or the disorder itself. Down below is all our posts that specifically name DID / Include DID.

Along with: One , Two , Three , Four , and Five

We take out anti-endo sentiments and make it Endo safe-- not necessarily ABOUT Endogenics. We do our best to avoid personal vents and go towards things everyone can experience because you can have a CDD while also being endogenic, someone who identifies as endogenic may also later find out they have a CDD , etc. We also do not plagiarize, but more on that later.

"Putting aside the disrespect towards mine and others boundaries for only wanting our posts to be shared to a CDD audience for a moment..."

Our blog doesn't actively engage with yours , or any other anti endos , post. We do not follow you, we do not like your posts, we do not reblog your posts. Ultimately you are removed from the equation entirely. You don't see Endogenics, they don't interact with someone they know doesn't like them.

Endogenics and the like will see those posts regardless. They will share it either in screenshots or through reblogging and not reading the banner. They will witness it prior to hitting the block button and they may see it afterwards. You cannot control the audience that views your content that unless you have blocked them. It is worth noting, At this moment of typing, you have not blocked us. Us block evading would be going beyond sharing posts with a different audience. We Apologies if this is paranoia inducing as that is not the intention.

"Endogenics do not have DID."

Now, this is a blanket statement. It is impossible to know whether or not someone has a disorder due to their label. Endogenic is an origin term for systems/alters who are not formed from trauma, but more importantly: it isn't a medical term, it is community based and a wide umbrella. That means anyone, system or alter, can identify endogenic and be endogenic. There is someone in the community who has said they've been diagnosed, underwent final fusion, and now identify as endogenic and partake in willogenic practices. We are most likely are disorder system (most likely due to not having a diagnosis and not desiring one. If this is an issue then we shall make a PayPal and you may donate funds for diagnosis) but still refer to ourselves as endogenic regardless on whether or not we would be, more accurately, labeled as a OSDD system.

Whether or not someone is endogenic or "actually" disorder or uses micro labels doesn't matter and is irrelevant to the DSM and to this blog. More importantly, what a label means to someone isnt for you or anyone else to define. It is impossible for one person to say EVERY endogenic doesn't have a CDD.

The rest of these responses shall be paraphrasing arguments and discussing issues/themes in this post.

"Turnitsysclusive is plagiarizing"

We do not claim any of the posts under the "#Whablam! Now safe for endos" tag as our own. When we rewrite things, it is highlighted in blue. When we make original posts, we tag it as such. In order to plagiarize, you have to claim the posts as your own.

We do not.

How our gimmick blog works is also in our pinned post. We are parodying your posts. But not for comic effect. We do not claim ownership to our text posts that are under the "#Whablam! Now safe for endos" tag.

Why we consider the people we parody Ableists

In order to be Anti-Endo , you have to be against an entire group of people's experience. Most anti Endo arguments I see are claiming that they do not exists, are faking, are delusional, making the community look bad, etc.

In other words, an amount of fakeclaiming must be present in order to be anti Endo. And fakeclaiming is ableist because you must believe that only x experience is valid and possible and looks exactly like x (stereotyping).

Now, that being said, while a post might be Endo neutral, we still edit out anti Endo statements such as statements against mixed origins and micro labels.

"Turnitsysclusive sets back the movement"

All we do is edit posts. We barely post along with not harassing. People who view us and decide that our blogs justification is enough reason to hate on Endogenics is, ultimately, not our fault.

Furthermore, if the only time you support Endogenics is when they're all nice then...well, that's weird. I might recommend looking into that. People should know better than to generalize an entire group.

Anyways, that is all for now. While looking for a source, we saw you responded to a previous too early sent response, we will respond to that individually if necessary.

But if you are uncomfortable with our content, then I suggest blocking us.

Recently I had been alerted that there was an account who would take the posts I make for CDD systems and make them safe for endogenics to interact with.

These posts they blatantly plagiarize specifically talked about symptoms of DID, trauma involved with DID and the disorder itself. Putting aside the disrespect to mine and others boundaries for only wanting our posts to be shared to a CDD audience for a moment, I want to talk about the genuine issue here that harms endogenics.

Endogenics do not have DID. They don't. Endogenics experience another form of plurality that is not caused by trauma. Which is, perfectly okay? You don't need to have a disorder for your plurality to be recognized and for you to be treated with respect.

But when you "make" posts so that are so blatantly about CDD systems specifically for endogenics whilst calling the blogs you stole the posts from "ableists" you are making the entire community look like fools. It honestly makes me feel bad for the endogenics who are just living their life being plural and not bothering anything, I feel bad because they have to be lumped with idiots like that blog. You are singlehandedly setting the movement back and causing systems to favour the side of being anti-endogenic because you're literally turning the meaning of endogenic into "faking DID" which is NOT what it means. You're spreading misinformation and harming YOUR OWN COMMUNITY!!!!

@turnitsysclusive do better.

#original post #response #syscourse #plurapony

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theoliviaset · 3 years ago

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hey hi sorry for the random ask but im just wondering if you have that system brain scan study ive seen mentioned a few times? im trying to help educate someone who thinks plurality isnt "based in objective measurable reality" and i think that would be the best way to do it :)

So there are actually a couple of different brain scan studies I found. Here is a systemic review published in 2020. The references should provide some more studies too.

However, I am in a philosophical mood at the moment! So I want to add some caution on this topic.

First, as far as we've seen, the only brain scans studies into plurality have been with systems with DID. My guess is that systems with OSDD would likely see similar structural changes. However, I'm not entirely confident in that. The diagnostic difference between DID and OSDD-1 give me reason to think that the structural brain differences could be less pronounced, or might not be present at all. The recurrent amnesia and marked distinction between personality states could be a contributing factor. So, I would really love to see studies into systems with OSDD-1 as well as non-disordered systems (systems who do not meet clinically significant levels of distress or dysfunction).

Second, being an undiagnosed autistic system I am always cautious of brain scans being used to "verify" psychological situations. MRIs are expensive. Studies take time and money. And diagnostic codes are things that can be sent to insurance companies for billing purposes.

We aren't readily going to get access to a brain scan. We do however display certain symptoms that are evident to us directly. A brain scan cannot tell us we do or don't share our mind with other people. Similarly it cannot say that we do or don't think in an autistic way. We simply do meet the diagnostic criteria. We relate to others in these communities too well for us to think that our experience is not like theirs.

Lastly, brain scans can't actually prove to us that plurality is real. Sure, they can give us a lot of evidence. But that evidence is that something is going on. We need to take the accounts of the systems involved to build a picture of how those brain scans relate to the inner experience. And that presupposes plurality. It's easy to suppose that there is in fact only a singular person/self/identity within that brain, and the structural changes creates an illusion of multiplicity. This is something we've been hit with countless times. So, brain scans might help your case, but someone willing enough can find ways to still dismiss those.

At the end of the day, we like to use the utility argument for plurality (check our pinned post to see more detail on it). Essentially, which explanation provides more utility: someone is experiencing something incredibly elaborate that requires many caveats when discussing their conscious experience, or that theres multiple people sharing a body? We find the latter to be better at accounting for our experience, and that alone is good enough reason to designate its status as true.

-Moxie {O}

#pluralgang #plurality #plural system #plural #plural philosophy #actually plural

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justanothersyscourse · 3 years ago

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Good time(because I don't know if it's morning or evening for you). I had a couple questions about alters, if that's alright. I've read some about non-human alters, and I'm wondering if alters can be non-human, can there be some who might be able to shape-shift?

Also , I mentioned on a post that alters who are new or fragments might settle on a fictional character as their identity? Wouldn't that just make them an introject?

For a bit of context, I am currently in therapy working to build up to tackling some significant past trauma, and within the last month and half or so I have begun questioning if I might be part of a system. I've been going through some System blogs, because I figure those with lived experience of DID/OSDD are the experts in those disorders to help with some of the research I've been doing on sites like research-did.org

The usual alter that does long answers isn't around right now, BUT, these are easy

Yes, they can shapeshift

Alters can frequently change appearance, age, species, all normal

And yes, SOME alters can become introjects, and alters that are introjects can separate from their source to the point that they no longer identify as an introject. It's often hard to tell the difference between an introject, and an alter that has a strong emotional connection to character, and I, personally, don't feel it's a very important distinction to make in any case, so really, it's personal preference if they want to call themselves one or not

For example, when I first formed, I was little more than a blob of perfection

Then the system came across a source and it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I latched right on to him, and at the time, yes, I probably would have identified as an introject if I'd known the word for it

Then I grew as a person into someone so different that I hardly ever think of that character anymore, and I no longer identify with them

Was I an introject? Was I not? Does it really matter outside of how I personally identified?

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the-indigo-symphony · 3 years ago

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I can't really talk to my friends about this because most of them are singlets and I don't want to post about it because I worry about attracting syscoursers but I've been following your blog for a while and I'm curious about something you might be able to comment on or respond to in some way (I know you're not a super-authority and can't 're-diagnose' me or anything but I struggle to find information on this anywhere, I'm just curious):

I was evaluated a few times for DID/OSDD to 'narrow down' what I'm experiencing and living with since I have a concurrent psychotic condition but long suspected I might be a system (I won't be too specific but my evaluations were spread out, from 2018 to 2020) but I also had a lot of shame and anxiety about that possibility, due to feeling like I wouldn't be believed, or that I'd be judged and stigmatized (I feel much differently about it now but, at the time, I sort of wanted to be proven wrong). It was concluded that my experiences most closely resemble OSDD-1/DDNOS-1b; a system with alters and no DID-typical amnesia.*

I have identified 12 distinct headmates in therapy since then. I try not to rely too heavily on those guides about defined roles alters have because all of them I find online are DID-centric and don't always match the 'roles' my headmates fill, but I know that I have memory-holders (for both trauma-related memories and memories that have nothing to do with trauma). And I don't have DID-typical amnesia but (I'm sorry this is getting long, I felt the context was necessary) I just want to know if it's common for OSDD-1 systems like me to sometimes have 'denied access' to memories? It's difficult to describe but there are memories that I know exist somewhere in my mind, because they get described in my headmates' notes or when they are fronting during therapy sessions... but I can't access those memories.

My therapist is trauma-specialized but not an DID/OSDD expert... she's learning alongside me from her mentors. I would ask her about this stuff but I don't know what insight she could provide me. I just wondered if you had any... thoughts? Comments? Advice seems like too big of a request, I just don't quite know what to make of this.

Before I speak on anything, I'm just going to affirm what you said about us not being an authority or expert. Don't take what we say as gospel; I, for one, am just going to spitball my thoughts, and the others may do so, too.

I think what you said about not having access to some memories is common. Even systems with higher memory sharing and fewer amnesiac barriers usually have a few memory issues; just because your amnesia is not "as bad" as it might be if you had DID doesn't mean it automatically doesn't exist.

We have periods of "denied access" too, sometimes, even in situations where we want to share memories, and those memories aren't traumatic or hurtful in nature. Have you heard of the concept of "the veil"? It's not an official concept or anything, more of an idea that's tossed around the disordered system community. This "veil" is like an amnesia barrier between the front and the rest of the innerworld, and you can forget things by going in-between the two. I don't know if it has any relevance to you, I just wanted to bring it up because it's something that causes a lot of our "denied access" moments. Could be worth looking into and figuring out if it exists for your system, even if it's not what's causing the memory problems you're talking about here.

To wrap this up – amnesia is weird, and nebulous, and doesn't always make sense, because neither do brains as a whole. If you're having these problems, then shit, they sure do exist I guess! But it probably doesn't mean you need to re-evaluate your diagnosis. As I said earlier, OSDD systems usually have at least a little amnesia, it's just not on the same level as DID. If one child gets hit with a baseball bat and another gets hit with a stick, is the second child not really in pain just because the first child is hurt worse? Of course not! That'd be ridiculous. So don't tie yourself up in knots over your memory problems. If they exist, they exist, and you can either wear yourself down to the wire worrying about them, or get to work on figuring out what to do now that they exist.

I'm gonna let someone else from my system leave their own comments, now. See ya!

- random headmate who somehow managed to forget their own name thanks to – you guessed it – the veil.

—

Okay, resident gatekeeper here to speak on amnesia I guess. Here goes nothing.

We're a DID system, and as such I can't speak on what's normal for OSDD/DDNOS systems from a place of personal experience. However, I can say that the amnesiac divide between DID and OSDD isn't as clear-cut as it may seem at first glance. Some psychiatrists make the distinction on whether one experiences "black-outs" of memory. In the ICD-11, no such distinction exists as OSDD is not a diagnosis, and you would likely be diagnosed with DID instead. The amount of amnesia one "needs" to have DID isn't an exact science. It's closer to guesswork, as is a lot of things in the field of psychology.

So with that said, I don't think it's useful to worry about whether it's "normal" for an OSDD system to experience this form of amnesia. As my headmate said, if you're experiencing it, you're experiencing it, and that's all that really matters. ... Well, it's all that would really matter to us, if we were in your shoes. I think a simple step to take next is to ask yourself why this matters to you. Are you worried that you may have been diagnosed incorrectly because this amnesia was not previously known? That's an issue you can bring up with your therapist and seek out more specialized psychologists for. Let them duel out where the line between OSDD and DID is. Bring some popcorn and make sure not to forget the candy too, because you'll likely be waiting a long while for a consensus. Figure out for yourself if you feel that DID may have been a better diagnosis, or if you think you can understand this as part of your OSDD.

But as a short answer that has less to do with psych critical philosophy... Yeah, that's probably normal. OSDD systems typically have some amnesiac barriers.

It can definitely be annoying, distressing even, to find that some of your memories are so close yet so far. Any upset you feel about this is perfectly understandable, and it's okay to feel that way. You can try improving communication with your system, which will likely help lessen amnesia between you, and keeping a record of your memories is a quick fix if you're worried about forgetting something important. Just remember that forgetting things isn't a personal failure. It's just something that happens sometimes, especially with disorders like these.

Hope this helps. Stay strong, anon.

- Tarot

#amnesia #asks #tarot.txt #front soup.txt

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sysmedsaresexist · 2 years ago

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What the FUCK did I just read and what are you talking about

"any of the OSDDs"???

Tell me about the OSDDs and how you could qualify for any of them, despite how vastly different they are, please, enlighten me

Seriously, though

Daydreaming IS dissociation-- the actual experience IS dissociation, when you daydream, you are taking part in normal, non-pathological dissociation

Negative daydreaming that causes you to dissociate/daydream more is called maladaptive daydreaming and is very much considered pathological dissociation (if ever entered into the DSM, will fall under DDs)

Negative daydreaming is not making daydreaming worse and causing more dissociation

Trauma, stress (yes, even stress/trauma FROM those daydreams) and reward addiction cause daydreaming to become negative (as in, either an addiction or they take a negative turn in visuals and experience) and thus you begin to experience pathological dissociation

A normal experience of dissociation turned pathological

Unlike DID, pathological dissociation in the form of daydreaming does have causes outside of trauma (though it's still usually trauma) because of the addictive nature of positive daydreams

I think the big point here is that, while many people with DID experience MD, it isn't a requirement and it's totally normal not to have comorbid MD and DID

I think you're applying the idea that if daydreaming is caused by things other than trauma, DID must also have causes other than trauma, but these are two different, unrelated experiences, and research and facts about one don't apply to the other

You don't need trauma to daydream, pathologically or normally, but you do need trauma to form DID because of the etiology of interupting brain formation in childhood during important developmental milestones

You're acting like... Dissociation is the reason we forget trauma, but dissociation takes many forms, and the reason those with DID/OSDD forget their trauma is because of dissociative amnesia, a very different and, again, specific form of dissociation

We don't forget trauma because we daydream (traits of DPDR, mostly), we forget trauma because of DA acting on the brain and memories in a very different way

Just because you dissociate and daydream doesn't mean you have DA

I CAN'T TYPE ANYMORE, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH WHAT YOU SAID, IT FEELS LIKE I'M ABOUT TO WASTE ALL MY TIME TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN ANYWAYS

Whatever, hit post, fuck this

"daydreaming causes dissociation" is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever had to read

This is how you tell people that you have no idea what you're talking about

Like, dudes, stay out of it until you understand dissociation basics

You're brave (and look like a fool) getting into syscourse

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davids-cartoon-corkboard · 5 years ago

Text

I have said a Lot about the “Raph is a system” theory over the past several months, so this is something of a compilation post. It’s got some new stuff, it’s got some old stuff. (You’re reading Part 1) (Part 2 is here) (Part 3 is here)

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Firstly, “system” is the term for someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID. (The term can also apply to some folks with OSDD.) Someone might develop DID after experiencing long-term trauma at an early age- roughly five or six years old. To paraphrase the DSM-V:

1. We’ve seen three (possibly four) distinct personality states who speak, act, and perceive others differently.

2. The personality states, or “alters”, don’t necessarily share memory, and Donnie insinuated in “The Clothes Don’t Make the Turtle” that Raph has a bad memory in general.

3. Problems arise when alters don’t get along or aren’t on the same page. That none of them seem to be quite aware they’re a system doesn’t help either; it’s hard to work on communication and cooperation when you don’t know they need to be worked on!

4. This whole situation isn’t a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice, or just Raph playing make-believe. (Though I wonder if he had “imaginary friends” when he was younger...)

5. It’s also not because Raph’s been smoking the devil’s lettuce or whatever. “Pizza Puffs” was one long weed joke and he was the only one “sober” (not poisoned) throughout! We don’t see this happen to other mutants, so it’s not a bizarre side effect of mutagen either.

(I’ve seen a few people joke that Mikey has “multiple personalities”, but that’s a tad yikesy and also just plain incorrect. His “doctor” personas are something he does deliberately, and youngest siblings are just Like That.)

So yeah, Raph is pretty heavily DID-coded. We’ve seen four alters so far:

“Host” Raph (HR): He’s our everyday Raph. A “host” is an alter who fronts most of the time and takes care of “business as usual” situations. They are often unaware of past traumatic events, such that they can appear “normal”. (Ex: the host of a child who lives with an abusive parent could be unaware of the abuse. Otherwise, they might cry or be uncooperative whenever the parent is near, further invoking their wrath. This unawareness allows them to be a “good child”, and stay under the parent’s radar sometimes.) Some systems have more than one host, but that the others have shown up so rarely in this story suggests HR is the only host (for now?).

Savage Raph (SR): Debuting in “Man vs. Sewer”, he’s a survival-oriented alter. HR probably could have defeated the Sando Brothers on his own under normal circumstances, but being in the middle of a breakdown doesn’t do much for your fighting skills. SR got pulled to the front to deal with them instead.

“Red” Raph (RR): “Red” is just a placeholder since we don’t actually know his name yet (or even if he has one, not all alters do), though I’ve also heard folks call him “Angel”. He’s got a “tough love” approach to problem-solving, which was probably a helpful thing in the past. LDM were no doubt rowdy children! We were (officially) introduced to him in “Pizza Puffs”.

Mind Raph (MR): MR could just be a manifestation of HR's thought process via Cartoon Goofery, but that possibility doesn’t give me anything to work with so I’m ignoring it. He’s pretty similar to HR, maybe a tad more upbeat. We (officially) met him in “Raph’s Ride-Along”.

When “Pizza Puffs” first aired, I was like “ah yes, this is the alter who has the cranky edgelord tendencies we’ve seen in previous iterations of Raph. He probably broods on rooftops in the rain when he’s in a bad mood.” Combining that with the whole “Red Angel” thing gives off some Batman vibes. And, of course, SR is similar to the Hulk. Those two heroes are pretty different, but they do have one major thing in common...

A sudden, violent loss. Given how prevalent rushing water is throughout “Man vs. Sewer”, I’m thinking a flood came through and separated Raph from his family. (You could probably argue that turbulent water symbolizes a turbulent subconscious? 🤷) Again, DID stems from long-term trauma, so Raph must have been gone for... a while. A couple of months, maybe more? It’s hard to say exactly; we have a little wiggle room when applying human developmental psychology to a human/turtle mutant. Since Splinter still needed to care for the other three, he wouldn’t have been able to devote much time to searching for Raph, and the New York City sewers go on for miles and miles. The longer Raph was alone, the more convinced he would have been that the others had drowned and he was the only survivor.

How old would he have been? I know the turtles are “different ages”, but they were all mutated at the same time so I’m pretty sure Splinter was just like “the littlest one is the youngest, the biggest one is the oldest, and the medium-sized ones are the middle children.” They’re all probably fourteenish by “Finale”. Back in “MvS”, Leo said, “You know how savage Raph gets when he’s alone”. He didn’t say anything like, “You know how savage Raph gets when he’s alone ever since such-and-such an incident happened”. This suggests that LDM straight-up don’t know something traumatic happened to Raph; they were too little to retain concrete memories of that time. In their minds, Raph has always been like this. Draxum isn’t known for his patience, so even though he wasn’t able to immerse the hatchlings in mutagen for long, they probably mature a bit faster than humans. And since humans usually can’t remember anything from before four years of age, three sounds about right for the turtles, though they would have been stronger and steadier on their feet than any human toddler. I doubt Raph would have survived otherwise.

I think he’s sort of... “stuck” back in that trauma. Catching food, building a fire, making a weapon, and getting camouflage aren’t the behaviors of someone who’s only been gone for a few minutes.

When SR called for help, I don’t think he was expecting anyone to answer.

But Raph did manage to hang onto something as he was swept away! It wasn’t much, but that little ragdoll gave him comfort while he was scared and alone.

(The rabbit design on Bruce’s pajamas is probably a coincidence, but...)

Raph seems the type to have sympathy for odd-looking toys. His knockoff Mrs. Cuddles plushie was the emotional crutch he needed back then.

And then he was separated from that as well. Lowkey associating Mrs. Cuddles with this traumatic event would explain why HR was so scared of her. That he doesn’t remember the trauma means he has no context for this fear, making it seem silly and baseless to him (and to the rest of his family), which is why he denied being scared at all in the first part of the “Mrs. Cuddles” episode. It would also explain why he collects teddy bears instead these days, they are a “safe” toy. (The moral of the story is to not make fun of triggers that seem silly.)

(I wonder what would happen if Mrs. Cuddles encountered Savage Raph? Perhaps he’d be quite sympathetic towards such a lonely little raggedy thing! Timestuck as he is, he probably wouldn’t question why a stuffed animal can talk... and it wouldn't be hard for her to persuade her “new bestest fwiend” to get rid of some “mean ol’ nasty sewew monstews” for her.)

That whole “sewer monsters” thing suggests Raph ran into... something while he was wandering alone. Y’all have heard those rumors about alligators living in the New York City sewers, right? Encountering Leatherhead could trigger a flashback.

It would be pretty easy to introduce Leatherhead into the narrative. One of the episodes the Rise crew had planned was titled “The Island of Dr. Noe”, and alligators have very impressive teeth. The Mirage comics had a story where Leatherhead and several cryptids were brought to an island to be hunted for sport.

Noe seems to have quite a few cronies/friends/rivals he could entertain this way. Since he’s got that obsession with Raph, Noe captures him as well, knocking him out with those darts so he can’t waste his energy trying to escape too soon. (Let’s just assume everyone’s powers are glitchy because they all hit another wave of puberty, meaning they can’t just curbstomp the lower-level villains lol.)

HR wakes up on the island and, of course, starts to panic because he’s lost and alone. While wandering, he runs into Leatherhead, which would trigger a flashback to getting attacked by that alligator all those years ago. But Leatherhead doesn’t want to fight! He’s just as scared and confused as HR is, and could really use a partner to help him survive this island.

HR and SR come into conflict because Leatherhead is/isn’t/is/isn’t/is/isn’t a threat. HR eventually wins out, reasoning that even if Leatherhead is that alligator, it wouldn’t be fair to judge him for what he did back when he was an animal.

But time and dissociation can make memories unclear. That our first look at Leatherhead was in Draxum’s “bluh bluh I’m gonna mutate all the humans” bit in “Bug Busters” means he’s a human-base mutant. He wasn’t the alligator back then, but the hunter tracking it. Leatherhead isn’t one of Noe’s targets, he is one of Noe’s guests! And he wants no one to interfere with his quarry, so he’ll play nice long enough for him and the snapper to take out the rest of the hunters and the freaks. Then the two of them will have the island all to themselves...

Years and years ago, Jack Marlin was a big game hunter prowling the New York City sewers in search of an alligator. He did manage to find and kill one, only to realize it had also been hunting! He had inadvertently saved the strangest little turtle creature.

Marlin had become too skilled at this point, the hunt held no challenge for him. This turtle sounded very young, and he was quite big and strong already. An adult could be tough and intelligent enough to entertain him. Marlin tried to get Raph to lead him back to “the others”. But Raph had been lost for some time, and as far as he knew, his family was dead. Hearing that put Marlin in quite the sour mood. A little mutant snapper is a better catch than none at all, so Marlin tried to haul Raph off. Raph fought back and bit off Marlin’s hand. He escaped, but lost his rabbit in the scuffle. Marlin retreated as well, taking some time to recover, scheme, and hunt other game. (And to pocket that rabbit. The blood loss had made him woozy, and he wanted to have some kind of proof he hadn’t just hallucinated the snapper.) Perhaps he turned that alligator’s hide into a vest, which provided the genetic material for his mutation when he eventually got bit by an oozesquito. Like his Mirage counterpart, Marlin didn’t take losing a limb as a sign he should retire, and instead got a tricked-out prosthetic. Who knows what he could do with it in such a mystic setting as Rise.

Raph eventually reunited with his family, but those distrustful, high-strung survivalist traits he had picked up weren’t helpful anymore. He once again had to be the good and patient big brother who didn’t bite when someone play-tackled him or shook him awake at three in the morning because they’d had a nightmare. Those two states gradually got partitioned off more and more, and now they know little, if anything, about each other.

So Leatherhead and HR are chasing away some mothmen or whatever, and things are going pretty well... until one of them knocks Leatherhead over and a familiar ragdoll rabbit falls out of his pocket. SR realizes that Leatherhead is Marlin and switches in to fight him off again. They’re evenly matched, or perhaps SR is even in danger of losing, when LDM arrive to provide support. Leatherhead is enough of a tactician to know that he should retreat. Donnie and Mikey pursue him while Leo stays behind, placing the rabbit in his stunned brother’s hands. “Remember when Pops made this for you? You were always really gentle with it, ‘cause he wasn’t good at sewing back then...”

(This thing really needs patching up, he’s got sewing stuff for whenever he needs to fix his bears/Blue isn’t a threat on his own/Wasn’t he just back at the lair?/Blue gave back the rabbit/Why does he feel like he got hit by a train?/Blue doesn’t want to fight?/ ...Leo?) And that’s enough for HR to switch back in. He’s probably missing memory from his whole time on the island, so while Leo does his best to tell him what happened, they don’t have enough puzzle pieces between them to truly figure out what's going on.

They defeat the bad guys, release the cryptids, save the day, etc. (Leatherhead managed to lose Donnie and Mikey in the woods. A battle for another day.) Once they return to the lair, HR gets help from Draxum to modify the memory spell from “E-Turtle Sunshine” so he can try to fill in the gaps. Surely he wouldn’t get rejected by his own subconscious... right?

Cue part three in the saga of Raph Punches Himself In The Face. SR isn’t happy that HR is essentially trying to poke at an improperly-healed wound, and attempts to chase him off. HR assumes that SR is just a psychic white blood cell like the Lou Jitsu constructs in Splinter’s mind, and retaliates.

But, of course, fighting is not the answer here. All that accomplishes is giving the body bruises. Eventually HR realizes “stay away” and “back off” are a little different than “get out”, and that SR is just scared. So HR tries another tactic. Over the following days and weeks, he tunes in to calmer memories and just sort of... talks. About what happened yesterday, about his teddy bear collection, about how he finally managed to get a good picture of that pizza pigeon. It takes a while to establish a connection, and even then, it’s spotty at best. Using the spell too much can cause headaches and nightmares. There are days when SR is nearby, and days when he’s not there at all. But he shows up when he can.

And then there’s awkward, stilted conversation and questions neither of them know how to answer and questions neither of them want to answer and more scrapes and bruises and strained silences and apologies, but they finally, finally reach a compromise. SR still doesn’t let HR near those memories, but he tells HR what happened as best he can. (The audience would see those memories, with SR as a voiceover.) Afterwards, HR still visits the mindscape that’s starting to become more solid. They talk some more, they watch light and shadow flow around them, they listen to half-forgotten lullabies on scratchy old cassette tapes. Eventually, HR doesn’t even need to use the memory spell, meditation is enough.

They’ll never get along all the time. But it’s a start.

(SR is going to be so clingy when it finally clicks for him when he finally lets himself believe that his family is alive.)

---

This took eight million years lmao. Parts 2 and 3 will come out eventually, they’ll focus more on MR and RR. Let me know if I need to tag this stuff as anything.

The usual disclaimer applies, I am not a system or a mental health professional so if you’re one or both of those things then feel free to give me some of that good good constructive criticism.

#you called for help... but nobody came.#rottmnt #rottmnt theory #the 'raph is a system' theory #rottmnt raph #savage raph #mrs. cuddles #leatherhead #jack marlin #plot bunnies free to a good home lmao #long post

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night-dragon937 · 4 years ago

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Sorry i accidently Unfollowed trying to hit the ask button: Im a little anxious about this but, I want to know how best to refer to you/yall? I know, the basics of DID and im sorry if this just, comes off as wrong/bad, but im, assuming that DID is specific to each system (I think im using that term right? im sorry if im not) and i just want to know how best to, like. avoid making you feel bad/wrong? (like, im anxious about referring to you as, you or do i need to refer to you as, like. them? or yall?, because i think all of you is valid and great and deserves respect? individually and as a whole?) and i saw the post where like, people think the Host (I am so sorry if i am messing up these terms) is more valid then the others, and that made me sad because, I think everyone is valid? and its like, i dont want to refer to you as the wrong thing (eg: a singular person, incase that strips away the importance of being known?, or as multiple, incase that invalidates?) like, im sorry if any of this comes off as tone deaf. i also got anxious about asking because, I dont want it to seem like the first thing i think about is, this? when interacting, but its why i get really nervous about using you/yall? not that anything was done to make me feel like that, i just want to be respectful? I also dont want to ask tons of questions cause, i know what it feels like to be bombarded with questions about something like this and being treated less like a person, more like a thing to gawk at i guess? like, ive done my best to read up on DID to, better try to understand, but if its unique to each person, I dont want to generalize it? I also am trying not to refer to this as a disability? as im not sure if its, ok to? because it just felt, strange, referring to, what to me seems like a Group of people? as a disability? Im sorry if thats, incorrect or wrong, or even ableist? im genuinely not trying to be. I just, think its important to give everyone individuality and importance? and if you all ? are, different people with their own personalities (if im, understanding that right, i know its possibly different from one person to another?) Then i want to respect that to the best of my ablity? Sorry for all of the rambling and if this is too much a wall of text. im also extremely sorry if anything ive said/done in our interactions, or this ask were offensive? Its alright if you dont want to answer this of course, or if any of this was too personal/touchy, im not gonna get upset or anything and thats completely fair ? I honestly second guessed asking, but figured i needed to before i accidently messed up and said something wrong?

hey no need to apologize! we are willing to answer questions about our experiences with did/plurality! (in fact, it's nice when singlets/non-systems ask questions when they're unsure bc it shows that they care about respect n stuff)

each system's experience with their diagnosis is unique, yes! we have did, but there are various types of osdd that are diagnoses for systems as well

we have what's called a singletsona, essentially a "sona" that's a single person. we mostly have this irl for safety reasons, but we also understand that a constantly changing roster of many people can be confusing esp for neurodivergent people. so, generally, we go by night (cause we're the night system lol it fits perfectly!) and use they/them.

some people do want to interact with us individually (like. maybe four singlets so don't feel bad if you'd rather just interact with us as a whole, but we will let you know if we switch or about alter-specific things) and they refer to us either by who's fronting or by "night sys" or "night system" and refer to us with plural pronouns

you're so very sweet <3

so that refers to people who act as if the body belongs to the host and no one else in the system, the life belongs to the host and other alters shouldn't get as much of a say, or as if other alters aren't really people, like the host is.

you're not being tone deaf at all! even if you were, we'd still be willing to provide info

so, referring to a system depends on a few things. if you're referring to a singletsona, then singular pronouns/preferred pronouns. if you're referring to a single alter, then singular, but if you mean the whole system, then plural. also, if you feel weird about using "you," just know that you was originally a plural pronoun (but has changed in meaning and usage, like they! and thou was the singular)

we're generally pretty understanding and won't get offended unless one is being intentionally malicious (understanding what one is doing, what the affects of the actions are, and still choosing to do it)

we don't know enough to comment on osdd but did is absolutely 100% a disability because this impacts every aspect of our lives, for several reasons. there's the obvious sharing every life decision with a multitude of others with their own personalities and opinions, but did is a trauma based disorder and thus has a lot of symptoms of trauma. did is usually concurrent with ptsd and c-ptsd, and often others. this is bc dissociation is a learned (unhealthy) coping mechanism where we put ourselves literally anywhere but the physical present rw to avoid trauma at a young age, which impacts development of the personality (talking specifically about did). did is... so much more than having brain friends, its freaking out bc someone used a specific tone of voice even if it's not meant maliciously. it's coming to front and having no clue where you are or what's going on. it's being held accountable for actions you have no memory of (and are often out of character). it's often dealing with depression, anxiety, flashbacks, anxiety attacks... you get the point lol

the group of people isn't the disability, it's how traumagenic systems form that cause them to be disabilities, and how that affects daily life. that sounds contradictory. it's... not that any specific alter is debilitating, but the cause of the condition (trauma) and the effects of the condition (dissociative amnesia, etc) that make it a disability. does that make sense?

and you've been nothing but respectful! but thank you for checking, it means a lot to us, truly.

feel free to send more asks/reply to this if you have any more questions or need any clarifications in regards to this (we've been awake for far too many hours lol). also we love talking about our system and info dumping about our diagnosis/diabilities lol

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