#pretty sure it would be less though since i started art because i needed an outlet for pain

[g1rld1ary]

the way i see you ; remus lupin x reader

➻ synopsis: you're an artist, but you never let any of your friends see your work. they finally attend one of your exhibits and see your feelings on paper

➻ word count: 4346

➻ content: swearing, allusions to sex, gryffindor reader but literally mentioned once, no pronouns but implied to be fem reader, kissing, no war AU!!

➻ the remus brainrot is strong rn

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You were an artist, you had been the whole time the boys knew you. Even in first year as a shy eleven year old, you were always scribbling away in a little sketchbook that lived in the big pockets of your robes. The hobby only developed as you got older, expanding mediums and filling countless sketchbooks. When you weren’t studying (or even when you were supposed to be) it was almost a given that you’d be working on a piece somewhere, far from the prying eyes of others.

Your friends caught glances of your art sometimes, doodles on the corner of your essays or notes, maybe a stray page left out in your dorm which told them you were good, but you never ever willingly let them see it. They didn’t know why, truthfully, you didn’t know either, but it had always been that way and everyone had more or less accepted that.

“Have you ever drawn me?” Sirius asked one afternoon as you all sat out by the Black Lake, cocky grin on his face.

“’Course,” You answered simply, moving to turn back to your conversation with Remus.

“Wait, really?”

“Well you have to have drawn me then, right? Can’t just be Padfoot!” James cut in quickly, making you laugh, nodding.

“Before everyone starts asking, lets just establish that I’ve drawn all of you at some point, okay?” You thought that would calm them down, but it only riled them up further, much to your chagrin.

“And you haven’t shown us?” Marlene cried dramatically.

“I deserve to see you capture my beauty!” Sirius collapsed in an exaggerated performance and you couldn’t decide whether you were amused or embarrassed, giggling and hiding your face in Remus’ shoulder. He merely pat you on the shoulder, shooting you a fond gaze you couldn’t see. James caught it though, and smirked in a way that Remus knew he was about to be embarrassed.

“Have you drawn Moony?” He asked, and you both looked at him suddenly.

“Prongs, don’t,” Remus said sternly, then turning to you, “It’s okay, you don’t have to answer… I know they must ruin the picture.” He gestured down to his scars. You just looked at him for a moment, utterly baffled.

“As if some silly scars would stop me from drawing you,” You said, a sweet smile on your lips, “You’re my biggest inspiration, Moony.” He blushed at that but the rest of your friends tactfully ignored it, though the boys shot him some shit-eating looks.

It was probably true that you drew Remus the most, but it was only because you spent the most time with him! Or, that’s what you told yourself anyway. Remus Lupin was your best friend in the world, and you loved him more than anything. Since you were always together and hanging out, clearly you’d draw him more, it was perfectly natural!

Your study sessions together in the library often devolved quickly, essays abandoned to the side, both of you falling into chatter as you studied and sketched him.

“What’re you drawing, dove?” He’d always ask, knowing you’d never tell. You’d simply press your lips into a cheeky smile, shaking your head resolutely.

“Uh-uh,” You’d say, “An artist never reveals her secrets.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s magicians, stupid,” He laughed, running a hand through his curls.

“Oh,” You frowned, “Well I’m that too, aren’t I?”

“Hardly,” He snorted, “Your essays are more doodles than writing.”

“Hey, Slughorn gave me a whole extra mark for the portrait I drew last week, so none of that.”

Or you’d follow him out of the pub you were all in when Remus needed a smoke, sitting on the blacked out window ledge as he lit up. You thought he might have been the most beautiful person in the world when he smoked, the way the lighter brought out the gold flecks in his eyes and hair and the shadows of night emphasised his unreal bone structure. You’d probably drawn him in that exact scenario hundreds of times, but it wasn’t your fault he looked like a fallen angel. When he leaned over to give you a puff you took it gratefully, if only for the proximity. You weren’t much of a smoker, but for Remus you’d let your lungs rot.

It was moments like that where you’d wonder what it would be like to kiss him, lean past the cigarette and put your mouth on his. Sometimes you thought he wanted it too, the way he’d get slightly too close for best friends, his own hand being the one to stick the dart into your mouth, sometimes so close your lips brushed his fingers. Moments like that made you wonder if he loved you back. Then later, when everyone was drunker, you’d see him stick his tongue down some prettier girl’s throat and you’d remember your place as his best friend. If it stung you tried not to show it, letting some sleazy guy a few years older than you buy you drinks until Peter told you it was time to leave.

Still, you were mostly alright with just being friends with Remus. You still got most of the benefits; his conversation, his dry humour, the ability to look at his gorgeous face. Who needed everything else? Plus, you could draw him whenever you wanted, doing whatever you wanted — not in a weird way. Mostly. You still would never admit that you’d drawn him holding your hand, or kissing you, or other things you desired… The magic of art, right?

After years of bugging, you finally submitted to your friends constant nagging. The day that you officially graduated Hogwarts was an emotional one. Seven years of constant laughter and magic (both literal and the sentimental kind) were over, and the world seemed too large and intimidating compared to the familiar walls of your school. Yet there was no stopping it, and you were all Hogwarts graduates.

While all your parents cried and reminisced over coffee in the Great Hall, your friends had gone for one last deep conversation by the Black Lake. Discussions of the future were unavoidable, but were mostly positive. Talks of trips you’d take, apartments you’d live in and hell you’d raise. When you all quietened down slightly, struck by it being the last time you’d sit in front of the lake, you cleared your throat.

“Um, I have something for you guys, a graduation gift.” From your purse you pulled the envelopes, all filled with fancy cardstock from the art shop near your family home. You’d drawn a simple grey-lead portrait of each of your friends, framed with a little message of congratulations. You watched anxiously as they each opened the envelopes, nervous all the hype would make the art seem inconsequential. Your fear couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Sirius gasped dramatically as he saw what it was, but a genuine smile followed straight after. James burst straight into tears, hardly getting the picture all the way out. You could tell Lily was trying not to follow, but seeing her boyfriend cry set off the waterworks for her. Marlene and Mary were inspecting the others, pointing out the little details you’d put in, like Mary’s favourite daisy earrings or the slit Marlene had impulsively shaved into her eyebrow only a few weeks before. Peter was bright pink, flattered to the highest degree. Remus was hard to read, simply staring at you with the strangest look in his eye. You couldn’t ask him about it though, being ambushed with hugs from every direction.

“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding all this talent from us,” Peter said, the rest agreeing.

“Didn’t know we had our very own Da Vinci hiding behind a Gryffindor tie,” Marlene added, making you blush and grin.

You dreaded to imagine what it would look like from an outsider’s perspective, the eight of you teary, sweaty messes all piled on top of each other. Well, seven of you.

“Come on, Moony,” James called in a sing-song voice, “If you can’t submit to a hug at our graduation I am going to give you the biggest, slobberiest kiss and you won’t be able to do a thing about it.” Remus snorted, rolling his eyes.

“You look like absolute wankers,” Was all he said, but joined the pile nonetheless, and you were extra glad he was mainly holding on to you. When you all finally pulled away it was minutes later, but the whole thing was strangely cathartic.

“We all have to promise that we’ll always be friends, no matter what,” Mary said, putting her pinky finger out. The rest of you agreed, sticking your pinkies in for a very convoluted eight way promise. With that sorted your friends started heading back up the hill to the school building, ready to leave Hogwarts forever and prepare for a long night of heavy drinking. Remus held you back. James sent you a suggestive glance when he noticed but left it that, drawing Lily in for a bittersweet kiss.

You turned to Remus, only for his eyes to be locked on the portrait. You’d spent so much time trying to get it perfect for him, practising the stupid knot he insisted on tying every day despite the rest of the school going with a less convoluted method of wearing their ties.

“Do you like it?” You asked, subconsciously twisting your ring around your pointer finger. Remus let out a half laugh.

“I love it, honest. It’s insane, really. That you can make this just like that. It’s just…” You searched his eyes for the rest of the sentence. “You make me look…” He didn’t finish but you knew immediately what he meant. Remus hated looking at himself, training his eyes down in the bathroom and opting to always be the photographer so he didn’t have to see himself in the final product. You knew of course it was because of his scars, but you genuinely couldn’t believe he thought they were ugly, much less made him ugly.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, just once,” You sighed, grabbing his free hand and interlocking your fingers, leading him back to where the others were waiting.

Four years out of Hogwarts and you’d all kept your promise. Of course you didn’t see each other quite as much as the boarding school schedule allowed, but the boys all had an apartment together which brought you together often enough — except James and Lily who were married and had moved down to Godric’s Hollow to raise baby Harry. That similarly brought you all to meet often, all determined to spoil Harry as his aunts and uncles.

You weren’t a full-time artist professionally, though you still did it just as much. You’d evolved to paints by then; living with a muggle because the rent was cheap had the added bonus of not having to worry about leaving your paintings on the easel since you didn’t really care what they thought about your art anyway.

Your friends were all huddled in the boys’ apartment living room, every seat taken as you all caught up. You were on the couch with Remus, absentmindedly running your hands through his hair as his head rested on your lap. You still weren’t dating, but Lily always said you might as well have been. You laughed her off every time — if he hadn’t said anything by now how could he feel the same way? You tried to pretend it didn’t still sting.

You’d tried dating, Remus too. He’d had countless partners since you’d finished school — even more one night stands. Nothing lasted more than a few months. You’d done slightly better, you made it about a year with some bloke that Remus hated before he revealed himself as a colossal dickhead, and you’d been mostly single since.

The group was trying to organise their next meeting.

“What about the movies next Friday? I wanna see that new muggle film, Knife Runner,” James suggested and you and Remus both snorted.

“Blade Runner, love,” Lily corrected with a giggle and James burst out laughing, making a quick joke at his own expense. You’d dug your planner out of your purse to check your availability and frowned, closing the book quickly.

“I can’t do next Friday, sorry, how about Saturday?”

“And what plans have you got on a Friday night, you minx?” Mary asked with wiggling eyebrows. Even Remus looked interested, which made your heart stutter.

“Just a work thing,” You answered quickly, not wanting to reveal the real reason.

“You lie like a rug!” Marlene yelled, sitting up from her spot on the floor. You winced, you shouldn’t have made an excuse that she could so easily disprove, being in the same department of the ministry. “What plans are you too embarrassed to tell us about, slag?” You laughed shortly, their assumptions were so completely off.

“It’s not what you think—”

“Not what you think my arse, who’s ‘Davis Show’ and why is he surrounded by hearts, you absolute tart!” Sirius cried, displaying the planner for everyone to see. You couldn’t help but burst out laughing, wheezing as you looked at your friends’ faux-scandalised expressions.

“Look you twats, Davis Show isn’t a man. I’ve been invited to put my art in a show at the Davis Gallery down on Welking Road next week. I can assure you I’m not shagging a man named Davis.”

The whiplash was immediate, the gossip sniffing exchanged for celebrations, you couldn’t tell whose yelling was whose. Peter immediately ran to the kitchen for a bottle of champagne, passing glasses around the room. When the initial excitement wore down you were subjected to a million questions, and tried to answer each of them patiently.

“I can’t believe you weren’t gonna tell us,” Mary pouted and you sighed.

“You know how I get about my art,” You explained, “It’s not that I don’t love you all, obviously, it just makes me so nervous thinking about you guys all seeing my stuff.”

“You know we’re all coming now, right?” James said, wiping his glasses where the champagne bubbles had created smudges.

“You really don’t have to,” You put in quickly, “It’s so embarrassing.”

“Why won’t you let us appreciate you?” Marlene whined.

“It’s just, my art is like an extension of my soul. I don’t think I’d be able to recover if you didn’t think it was good.” Your friends grew rowdy at that, offended you’d even think they wouldn’t adore your art no matter what. You felt Remus put a hand on your thigh and gave him a weak smile, knowing he’d shut down the conversation if you wanted him to. You didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing though, especially when everyone was being so supportive. You figured everyone was so busy they’d forget it by the next week anyway.

Friday came, and you were a wreck of nerves. Although you’d sold pieces here and there throughout the years, this show would be the first time your art would be displayed as a collective, and you were terrified of rejection.

You’d figured your friends weren’t actually coming since none of them had really mentioned anything since. Apart from Lily, of course, who’d sent an owl to your desk that morning with a sweet good luck note and your favourite chocolate.

Even Remus hadn’t said anything when you went for coffee on your lunch break. That did puzzle you, you knew he would never go if he thought it would make you uncomfortable, but it wasn’t like him as your best friend to forget something so monumental in your life. You thought he was acting kind of weird though, more affectionate than he usually was. He kept looking at you longer than he should, and you wondered if you’d miscounted how far away the next full moon was. When you asked him about it he just brushed it off, looking down at his tea instead like he’d been caught.

“I love you,” He said and you laughed.

“I love you too, Lupin!” You cooed, patting him softly on the hand.

“You’re amazing, you know?” You arched a brow.

“What are you trying to make up for?” You asked suspiciously, giving him a once over to search for answers.

“Nothing, promise,” He smiled in a way that made your knees a little weak, “I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“You’re gonna give me an ego,” You grumbled, packing up your things to get back to work. As you parted ways he pressed a kiss down to your cheek and you stumbled. Remus was never this affectionate as a person — a pat on the back, a hug if you needed one, yes, but he was never one for casual platonic kisses. You figured it must have been his way to apologise for not coming to the art show? But he knew you didn’t mind, so what was he apologising for? You tried to shake it off and get back to work, but you couldn’t get your closeness out of your head.

Evening fell and you were setting up your stall before the other patrons came in. Rearranging the paintings until you were pretty much perfectly happy, you looked around, still not fully believing you were really here. People were filtering in, well dressed and chattering softly as young waiters handed out flutes of champagne. You straightened out your silky black skirt in an effort to look more presentable, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

At first things were slow, and you almost regretted not inviting your friends, if only so they could make your area look more interesting. And once you let that thought in, you kind of regretted not inviting them anyway. After all, they were the dearest people in your life and this was such a meaningful event to you.

You couldn’t think about that for long though since people had begun to filter over to you, making polite small talk as they admired your paintings. You tried to be energetic, smiling widely if you ever locked eyes with someone. However, deep down, you just wanted your friends.

A little old woman approached you for a while, wanting to know the meaning behind basically every painting and you told her happily, sharing the memories that inspired each work.

“Seems like you’ve got some true friends,” She said, “I hope you keep them close.” You agreed, thanking her profusely as she bought a landscape of the Whomping Willow.

It was growing closer and closer to closing, and honestly, it had been a wonderful night. Seeing the way that people reacted and interacted with your art was a magical experience, and changed the way you thought about it entirely. You decided that if you ever got the opportunity again, you’d want to share it with everyone else.

You were just moving to start packing up when you heard a myriad of gasps.

“What the fuck, dude?” The unmistakeable voice of Marlene McKinnon said from behind you. You whipped around to meet them, breaking into a cheek splitting smile.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked, rushing over to scoop them all up into a hug.

“Fuck that, why didn’t you tell us that we’re your exhibition?” Sirius cried, running up to examine the paintings more clearly.

“And that they’re literally professional?” Peter added, eyes wide in wonder. You flushed red under their praise. If your friends thought your pencil portraits were good, they were nothing compared to your paintings.

Plus, every one of them was of your friends, or something sentimental to you all. Landscapes of Hogwarts, portraits of your friends, captured memories of long summer days, or life sketches from when you were all together. You watched them observe the paintings with nervous excitement, loving as they gave specific, personal compliments that only people who truly knew you could give.

“This our apartment,” Sirius said, pointing to one of your biggest pieces, “That’s our couch, the pillow Prongs has permanently ruined with butterbeer, that’s Moony!”

“There are a lot of paintings of Moony, aren’t there?” James whispered to you, wiggling his eyebrows. You flushed again. Sirius continued on, seeming (or pretending) not to have heard.

“We have to have this in the flat. Right boys?” Your eyes widened.

“Really?”

“For sure,” Peter said, “I’m buying this one too.” He gestured to one of him and James playing chess in the Gryffindor common room.

“And this is taking pride of place at home.” James pointed to a portrait of his and Lily’s wedding, and Lily similarly chose one of her and baby Harry. Marlene took one of her and Mary on the beach and Mary took one of the group at a house party. Half your paintings ended up being sold by the end of the night, and you couldn’t feel luckier. The only one who hadn’t said anything was Remus, who couldn’t keep his eyes off the paintings.

You shooed your friends out of the gallery once it really was closing time, and got to work packing away your things. You were deep in thought, reflecting on the wild day when someone cleared their throat behind you. It was Remus, and he moved to help you put your things away, stacking the paintings between bubble wrap to protect them.

“These are really beautiful,” He said, “I mean, we knew you were talented but… these are seriously on another level.”

“Thanks, Remus.” You smiled, unable to make eye contact as you watched him handle all the paintings you’d done of him. Portraits like the others, but also studies of his hands — god you were obsessed with his hands — his profile, and one less than innocent picture of his back, scars resting over muscles. You probably shouldn’t have put that one out, but to be fair you didn’t know he’d see it.

There was a somewhat awkward silence between the two of you. Not uncomfortable, per se, but there were definitely things you both wanted to say that neither knew how to.

“Let me drive you home,” Remus settled on and you nodded, letting him help you load your work into the boot of his car. You sat in the passenger seat, absentmindedly tapping your fingers on the dashboard to whatever radio station Remus had turned on. Remus stared straight ahead, knuckles pulled tight around the steering wheel.

“I’m really proud of you, you know. This whole show was incredible.” You went to thank him again but he kept talking. “I just wanted to know, um, there were a lot of paintings of me. I was just wondering why, why me?” You hesitated, unsure of what was going to come out of your mouth.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” You decided on with a bit of a sigh.

“You’ve said that before, what does that mean?” Your breath hitched. You definitely didn’t intend for it all to come out tonight, but if you didn’t say it now you doubted you ever would.

“You are the most beautiful person I know, Remus. I mean, even aside from your personality — which we know I have to be at least somewhat a fan of after all these years — you’re totally fit. Your eyes, your hair, God, your fucking bone structure, you’re literally a walking renaissance painting. And I know you think your scars make you ugly, but you don’t know how turned on I get thinking about how they’d feel on my skin.” Shit, you probably should’ve stopped talking.

You hadn’t realised he’d parked while you were rambling, but now you were sitting outside his apartment and he was looking at you with eyes that looked more like the wolf than him.

“I turn you on?” He whispered, voice suddenly gravelly as he leaned closer in to you.

“More than anything,” You breathed, brain buffering at the feeling of his breath on your face. Suddenly his mouth was on yours, hot and electric and not at all gentle. It felt like years of pent up frustration being let out all at once, and if he was anything like you, it probably was.

“Up,” He mumbled between kisses and you heard him undoing his seatbelt, hurrying to do the same. You barely disconnected to get out of the car, attaching yourself to his arm as he led the way up to the boys’ flat.

You made it up the three flights of stairs, not without Remus pushing you up against the stairwell wall to stick his tongue in your mouth, and stumbled straight into his bedroom, shedding layers as soon as the door was safely shut.

The next morning you awoke first, initially convinced you were dreaming when you saw him lying peacefully beside you. Eventually you rolled onto your side, ready to get out of bed for a glass of water when his nightstand caught your eye. There, in pride of place, was your graduation portrait of him, with a polaroid of the two of you stuck to the corner. Maybe he really had liked you as long as you’d liked him.

[astercontrol]

Ever think about how amazing it is that we got a character like the Bit in TRON 1982?

I mean, yeah, having some cute little robot or animal side characters was, and still is, very typical of movies in that genre.

But, look at the Bit.

It's based on a computer science concept, of course: the simplest unit of data in a computer, a single 1 or 0 indicating yes or no. And it's anthropomorphized just enough to get actual computer nerds confused about what exactly it is supposed to be. Clearly you'd need lots more than one bit, to create a programmed entity that behaved the way a Bit does!

Is it the mystical energy of Programmer Spirits that animates it beyond what should be possible-- as it does for the Programs themselves, who also aren't nearly complex enough to be alive on their own? Or is a Bit something else, like an external subroutine of a program, which is called a Bit simply because of the way it communicates?

Who knows? Who cares? It's a Bit! It's adorable!

And yet… this same level of anthropomorphizing is very unusual for Disney, and for the whole genre, in a whole different way.

Though it's much more animate than one could reasonably imagine for an actual bit… the Bit is much less anthropomorphic than any creature playing any comparable role in any comparable movie I can think of.

It has no eyes, no mouth, no words except a synthesized Yes and No. It expresses itself only by shifting appearance between three faceless geometric shapes.

And yes, we love it! Yes, we adore the heck out of that sassy little thing! Yes, we will absolutely look at this object that resembles no person or animal in existence, and we will find enough cuteness to scream over!

We are the weird nerdy audience that you sucked in with the promise of a movie about computer programs being alive, and YES we are invested enough to take this ALL the way!

But I haven't seen any other movie do this, ever since.

And even the original Tron movie wasn't GOING to do it, at first.

Now, every other time I've looked at the early development of ideas in a movie, I've seen a pattern of "Less Relatable being reworked into More Relatable." Any creature design that looks "too weird," "too unfamiliar," "too alien," will evolve over the course of edits, until it satisfies the developers' expectations for being something audiences can relate to.

In other words… looking at the early concept art and the final product, I am certain any other movie I can think of would've adapted the Bit in the exact opposite direction.

Same with the MCP.

Whether it's a villain or an adorable little sidekick, the fans who became captivated by the classic Tron movie are an audience eager and ready to see life and personality in something utterly alien, something that resembles no actual life in the world we know.

And yet, I'm sure this wasn't even the goal of any of the character designers.

When you look at the early design of the Programs, you see them follow a more typical pattern, starting out more robotic, less humanoid, less "Relatable," and progressing toward recognizable humanity.

That movie, I'm pretty sure, was an exception to the rule not because of any philosophy about what would resonate with audiences... but simply because of the constraints of the medium.

The Bit and the MCP became more simple, more geometric, because that was easier to computer-animate.

Programs became more humanoid because that was easier for human actors to play.

A big, huge chunk of what made this movie relatable in a gloriously weird way, to gloriously weird audiences who may have had serious trouble relating to lots of other media, is just a serendipitous side-effect of the wild experiment that it was.

...I wish movies would take risks like that more often.

Really.

[edenalieth]

i want to believe in forever

Pairing: Seungmin x reader

Genre: angst, hint of fluff

Warnings: none

Summary: Seungmin wants to move on from his heartbreak, however the colorful memories of you are holding him back. 

Words: 1.3K 

A.N: hello guys, cami in the building! it’s my first time writing a seungmin fic (@seungseung-minmin forgive me for not making a cuter one ;v;) it was mostly inspired by the song « the exit » by conan gray which i found really beautiful and true. sorry for the possible mistakes. hope you enjoy, feedbacks are always welcome! ♡ — 231217

He took another sip of the black coffee he was holding on his hand and grimaced. It was already half cold and far too bitter for his liking. For how long did he stare at those high limestone walls ? Apparently long enough for his coffee to turn bad. Spotting the closest bin, he threw the drink away, watching it fall as the lid opened spreading the brown liquid. The winter breeze made him shiver and he buried his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat, trying to warm them up. 

« You can do this, Kim Seungmin », the brown haired boy thought to himself. 

He climbed the stairs silently until he reached the ticket office. A young girl was reading. She was probably just starting her university course and needed this job to gain some money seeing her bored expression. She barely looked at Seungmin before nonchalantly putting down her book with a barely hidden sigh. 

« What can I do for you ? » she asked, visibly annoyed to be interrupted. 

Seungmin cleared his throat « Hmm, one adult ticket please. » 

He was tapping on the small counter with his fingertips, nervous. He was about to tell her that he had changed his mind and turn around but he had promised himself he would do this. It was necessary. Even if it hurt. He knew, he needed to detach his mind and feelings from this place and many others. 

« What is this book about ? » he said, trying some small talk while she was preparing the ticket. She put one out of the drawer of her desk and handed it to him, announcing the price. « Just a regular thriller. » Nothing more, nothing less. He paid and left without further ado. He was sure that, if you had been there, you would have managed to pick that girl’s interest, even just a little. That’s how you were, solar, attracting people around you like a magnet. However, you hadn’t been by his side for months now, he had to move on. 

When he entered the familiar hall, he was greeted by the unique scent of museum and all its splendor. Soon, he was surrounded by history and felt so little and insignifiant, as well as mesmerized by the beauty of those masterpieces he had seen so many times with you. When you used to call yourselves « us », you had made a ritual to visit this place once a month. The museum was big enough for you to always discover small details you hadn’t seen before or to explore the temporary exhibition. Since your breakup, he avoided this place like the plague. Yet here he was, feeling his heart clenching as he looked at the paintings. One of your favorite hobby was to tell him stories when you analyzed a canvas. Your imagination was overflowing and never missed to make him laugh, which sometimes made you incur the wrath of the visitors and security. No one was here to make him laugh today and loneliness weighed heavily on his shoulders. He didn’t have this talent. He would just skim through the description next to it. Colors seemed dull compared to the vivid memories of you, scarring his heart mercilessly. He felt his throat getting tight. He had chosen the museum to start his healing journey because he knew he wouldn’t be able to cry without being heard. He had shed tears more than he would even admit. Was it truly helping though ? Or what is it just him blowing on the embers of your lost love. 

He sat down on the leathered bench, facing your favorite art. It was a pretty simple one, a cottage on the countryside, using impressionism technique. The first time you saw it, you went strangely quiet. You were like absorbed by it. He remembered how you leaned on his shoulder, intertwining your fingers with his. « I can picture us living there. » you had softly whispered. « It would be the embodiment of our love, our safe place. Growing old together, laughs of our kids and grand-kids filling the rooms. Am I allowed to dream about this ? » your voice had seemed insecure, seeing you vulnerable like that was rare. « Yes and it will be our dream from now on. » he had replied, brushing his nose against yours before tenderly kissing you. Warmth had filled his body, his heart melting like ice under a scorching sun, your touch permanently marking his skin. A dream. Was it all it had been ? Just something made up by his cruel mind ? No. He still could remember the sensation of your skin on his, the scent of your shampoo, the little habits you had, the sound of your giggle. 

Recalling these memories was like torture. The grip he had on the bench became stronger, his knuckles turning white. If only he had noticed how left out you felt sometimes. Maybe, you would be next to him, still daydreaming about your perfect house. Or, perhaps, you just weren’t meant to build one together. This thought turned his vision into blurry shapes. « Shit ». He didn’t want to cry in public. He stood up hastily and looked for the exit. Wandering between the corridors, his steps echoing on the cold ground, the artworks seemed like moving stains. It was as if the walls were tightening around him and he was tempted to rush out of here to get some air. However, his run was abruptly stopped when the object of his obvious desire showed up. You. 

You were there. Your arm around the waist of someone who wasn’t him. His mind went blank for a second. It couldn’t be, right ? He swallowed the sobs that were trying to escape his throat, his hands shaking. He thought you were both sharing the same wounds, that you were still mourning your old feelings. His were surely not buried yet. Still, there was no mistaken. You looked happier now and you had already found someone to miss. He wanted to let himself drown into the abyss of his sorrow. He almost called out your name, every single letter which used to roll on his tongue like honey, addictive like a drug, tasted sour. He had to leash his heart not to break down and try to get you back again. He had tried but you already had built up a wall to protect your opened wounds. His were still raw. 

Were you going to tell this man the same stories you had told him ? Did your « I » became a « we » when you met him ? In fact, he didn’t want to know. He wanted to forget you for a time, to get strong enough to be able to talk about you as a young love that bloomed too fast and wilted in the process. He couldn’t blame you for getting everything you wanted. 

He stared at you, as your eyes spoke for you, full of some love that used to be his. Each step you took leading you towards your ideal. Deep down your heart, feels for Seungmin were still waiting to be set on fire again. However, the ones you had for your new lover were stronger and you wanted to cherish them. It was a painful sight for Seungmin and he wished someone would rip his heart for it to get numb. He had to let you go. He was still standing at the exit before he opened the glass door. 

Immediately, the cold bit his flesh, tears rolling down his cheeks and burning his skin. 

« I want to believe in forever » he thought, you just weren’t meant to be his. 

[meanbossart]

A long over-due ask compilation (Art & Music)

It's vaguely based on a short story from the book "The Consumer" by Michael Gira, specifically "The Boss". I think it came up in conversation with a friend or something when I was picking a new username, so that's how we arrived at it - this was almost a decade ago so, my memory on it is a little hazy!

{MORE UNDER THE CUT]

HAHA thank you so much!!! Glad you enjoy what I do 😎🍻

I BELIEVE this little guide I put together over here might be helpful to you, also! I touched on pretty much everything you brought up.

As for reference material when it comes to facial expressions, I have a mirror next to my desk which I glance at often and make weird faces at LOL and for consistency, it's really a matter of learning to dissect and remember facial structure. It's just something you end up developing an eye for when you've done it for long enough! Naturally, if we're talking about drawing existing characters, it's always helpful to just look at some pictures of their mugs and take a minute to define what features about them make their faces recognizable - I touch on this at the link above as well!

I do plan on making a "drowstarion" (love that, by the way LOL) playlist eventually, life's just been kicking my ass and I hardly have the time 😭and when I do, I just wanna draw.

Otherwise I don't have any other playlists floating around at the moment, BUT the one my boyfriend made for his Vellioth comic can be found here, and it might scratch a similar itch!

Thank you! I believe this was in reference to this post. Something like that takes me about... An hour??? If we're talking just the colors, at least. Though that's a really rough estimate because I take a lot of breaks, so my sense of time when I work ends up pretty skewed. Even if the application of the colors themselves took less than 20 minutes I probably spent 2 hours just staring at it LOL.

My friend, I have no idea. I'm in a constant battle between "I want to draw more realistically" and "I want to simplify my art so I can draw more/faster". What you see is the result of that ongoing brain-tug-of-war.

Also, just the way I assume everyone else develops theirs - they see stuff they like and emulate it until their art is Frankensteinish enough to be it's own unique thing!

I'm far from a Type O Negative buff, BUT I'm happy to share some of my favorites with you! They're quite scattered across a couple of their albums so I'm not sure I have a favorite, but I would say October Rust is a good starting point.

In no particular order, these are my most listened tracks of theirs: -Love You to Death -Black N.01 -Haunted -She Burned Me Down -Can't Lose You -I Don't Wanna Be Me -Be My Druidess -September Sun -Tripping A Blind Man

Alas, I was one of those people who was already drawing in kindergarten 😅 though I would say I only started taking it seriously when I was around 15-16 years old. As someone who has tried their hand at several other hobbies since reaching adulthood, I get what you're saying that it can kinda feel like... You missed the wagon? I've felt that way about all kind of things lol

That said, I've seen adults managing to develop their art skills extremely fast and effectively before. Understanding where and how you need to improve, and how to follow lessons/guides best is something that is vastly improved by maturity and knowing how to best hone your time, attention, and resources - and those are skills we completely lack as children. So, I sincerely believe that as long as you commit yourself, you can definitely get to a point that you're happy with in a couple of years if not less.

JUST DO IT BUDDY we are all just people looking through a screen and you won't ever see, talk, or meet 99% of the folks who ever clap eyes on what you post. Whenever you start getting nervous about sharing something, take a minute to ask yourself why you're nervous, and if none of the reasons have any genuine substance besides being afraid of what people "might think", just go ahead and post it. You're no mind-reader after all, and if you are, I doubt you can hear what a guy from Argentina or wherever is thinking about the art you made.

Point is, nobody online can touch you 🤷and if someone doesn't like what you do, they can simply choose to not interact with it, and if they do you can block and move on. There are zero reasons for you to feel "bad" about putting up a doodle when our experiences on the web are so easily curated nowadays.

[puzzled-pegasus]

Christina Posabule thoughts (tiny little female christ is eating my brain today/pos)

This is mostly me working out some parallels between her and Orel's families but there's some cute hcs for her and Orel in here too :3

Her mom Poppit is influential to her as a parallel to the way that Clay affects Orel. Poppit is selfish, drunk, bitter, and very two-faced parent just like Clay is, who just like him, confidently gives awful advice and takes advantage of Christina's trusting nature.

Art is less involved with Christina and loses interest in conversation with her as soon as anything remotely associated with femininity comes up and he's just like ew gross go talk to your mom. the most positive attention he gives her is about her appearance and how cute or pretty she looks. He likes to constantly condescendingly tell her that any given thing she's interested or asking advice about in the moment is for boys or "a little girl like you doesn't need to worry about that :)" and it drives Christina nuts so she goes and talks to her mom anyway

Similarly to Clay and Orel, Poppit decided to take Christina on a picnic in the woods and they get lost, and Christina gets permanently injured due to her mother's carelessness, though I haven't yet figured out how. (Man, I just realized that if that happened after the events of Nature and Orel found out, he would probably be out for Poppit's BLOOD on behalf of his puppy crush sweetheart)

Idk whose post I read but I'll add the credit in later, but I read earlier the idea that as a parallel to Orel's masochism episode Christina has an arc where she turns sadist and I thought that was fuckin hilarious so yeah I need that to be a thing. I wonder what would set that off though. Maybe instead of taking to heart the idea that suffering is good for her, she might be like "wait friends I don't want you to go to hell for being happy" and beats them up...or smth i dont know. And also as parallel to Orel's dreams of God in that episode she could be like. Beating the shiz out of Satan. Lol. anyway,

I have this feeling that she and Orel have like the sappiest pet names for each other but like you cant even be mad about it cause they're so sincere lol. like they meet up for a date and Orel's casually like "there's my bright little daisy" and Christina is like "oh hello my sweet pudding pie" and then they hold hands and walk to the park or whatever tf

This is a smaller hc but if you remember that moment before the Puppingtons found out the Posabules were Catholic when Clay noticed Orel making 😍 eyes at Christina and he asked Orel if he thinks she was cute,,, I think it would be nice if Poppit and Christina were doing the same thing at that moment like Poppit was like "oh he's a doll isn't he?" And Christina's like "yes, ma'am, and so polite too!" and Poppit says something cheeky about how Christina better not start bringing boys around Art because he'll shoot them or whatever (you know like how dads threaten their daughters' boyfriends for no reason because of weird possession issues) and then they giggle together

Since Orel's been shot Christina worries over him a lot and especially in the first few months of their relationship she kept asking him how much it hurt and and even into adulthood she checks with him every day to make sure he's not exerting himself too much

Christina had a cat briefly and her parents killed it because they thought it was bad luck or smth

instead of "meet me in my study" Poppit's the more involved parent when it comes to discipline so she's just like "go see your father" cus he's the one with the belt

[percyjacksonblog]

I finished! ToA:TDP

Oh my gosh that was such a good book. It has been so long since I’ve read a book I liked that much. I read the new Percy Jackson book this past fall when it came out and loved it, but I really loved this book. So I’m basically going to do a combination of a whole book review and chapters 30-42.

So firstly I did finish the book yesterday but wanted some time to absorb everything and sort my thoughts.

I know on my last post I mentioned that chapters 20-30 were end of the second act chapters and I still stand by that after finishing these last 12. So good.

Chapters 30-42

Calypso and Leo staying at the Waystation seems right, but it also doesn’t. Like Calypso, sure, but Leo I feel like would have felt better at CHB, or heck even New Rome since other members of the 7 are there.

Red Mercedes, I don’t picture Apollo driving anything less than that. It was so perfect.

Oh poor baby Meg. I hated Nero last book but now I loathe him.

THREE PEACHES! I’ve died and gone to heaven. For the record I don’t know why I love Peaches so much but he just cracks me up. Like I would probably lose my mind if I ever heard someone just screech “PEACHES” as a battle cry. Is there any fan art of Peaches because I need to see some.

Pokémon Go! I am so old.

NO NOT THE GRIFFINS!

The stand off was so good. Not going to lie my intuition was off for this chapter. I was positive that Commodus was going to make Apollo choose who lived. It was set up perfectly for that. I would bet that in the original drafts that was going to happen but the editors were like, “this is a children’s book, you need to rewrite this so it’s more age appropriate.”

I got a little misty eyed at the funeral. I wish it had been longer, however, looking back to TLO the short funeral makes sense.

Why does Apollo hate iambic pentameter so much? I think it’s a classic.

Oh name dropping!

Georgina just outright rejecting Apollo had me floored. It was so funny.

Grover! Wow way to just pull in a major character. I love a good Grover line though so I’m hoping he’s pretty prominent in the next book.

The Whole Book

I just…wow. I complained about how there were no real stakes in the last book, but you guys told the stakes get higher and you are definitely right.

As a whole I really enjoyed this book, specifically the last ~30 chapters. I thought it got off to kind of a slow start even with getting attacked in the first few chapters but the rest of it was just phenomenal.

I think my favorite part is still breaking into and out of the Zoo. Something about that just really stuck with me. Close second was definitely Apollo’s reaction to the death of the hippogriff and the unnamed demigod. It really humanized him. So far with each different act from both books I think Apollo has slowly begun accepting his mortality as Lester more and more.

I can’t wait to see who the third emperor is. There’s so many that it could be, Augustus, Caesar, Caligula, Hadrian!

After finishing this book I can confidently say Apollo had some major self loathing going on.

It is clear that one of the central themes of the series at this point is humanity and what it means to be human. I love it.

Not sure when I’ll start reading the third book, could be as early as tonight, could be sometime next week. People as a whole seem to be enjoying my reactions to these books so I’ll continue until I feel the consensus switches.

Vaya con queso amigos!

[the-cu-genswap-au]

next: updated refs for the main adult cast (aka, the other core quintet)

- As principal of Jerome Horwitz Elementary, Erica Wang has dedicated her career to making sure every child in her school gets the support they need. Under Erica's leadership, JHES is a much less depressing place, sporting features like an art program, a fully-stocked library, after school tutoring, and an actual full-time school nurse.

- Erica herself also likes to take a hands-on approach with students, taking notice of anyone who seems to be struggling either academically or socially and working together with Bo to figure out the best course of action. While her intentions are definitely in the right place and come from a sense of genuine care, she does have a habit of forgetting to ask the students themselves what they think of her ideas....

- Design note: Erica's design is a fusion of her main kid design and her future "Grace Wain" persona

- Bo Hweemuth is the school's student guidance counselor, which basically means his job is to talk to students and help get them any resources they need, both in and outside of school. Though a lot of students feel intimidated by him at first glance, he's actually a very chill guy who likes to approach students with as much kindness and empathy as he can. He knows what it's like to be treated like a nuisance.

- Besides being co-workers, Bo is actually very good friends with Principal Wang, genuinely enjoying the work they do together to make sure every child at Jerome Horwitz can thrive.... despite any misgivings he might have about her approach. And speaking of co-workers, he's also recently struck up a pretty close friendship with the school librarian....

- In his spare time, he likes to experiment with clay sculpture. His office is decorated with all the little sculptures and figures he's made over the years.

- George Beard and Harold Hutchins are known around school as That One Pair Of Teachers; they're always together and are each other's best friend, even outside of work. To their students, they're some of the funnest teachers they've had at JHES, since they prioritize making their classes into fun, engaging learning environments through creative lesson plans and treating their students like actual people. Especially George, since he teaches the traditionally "boring" subjects of English and Literature.

- George and Harold are also the current co-leads of the school Music and Arts Program, along with music teacher Dressy Killman. Harold mentors in art, while George handles creative writing. They like to joke that they're "professionals in their field," except they're not really joking about that and it's just that everybody thinks that they are because nobody knows anything about them outside of the school.....

- Design note: George and Harold already have canon adult designs, so I just added on a few accessories to distinguish their AU selves from their canon counterparts (George's suspenders, Harold's vest)

- Melvin Sneedly (that's Professor Sneedly to you) is starting his first year as Jerome Horwitz's new science teacher, after a regrettably failed attempt to get his robotics career off the ground. He absolutely does not want to be here, he hates teaching, he hates kids, the sooner he can get out of this terrible place the better.

- He's not exactly helping his case by driving away everyone who tries to connect with him, either. Instead of spending his break times in the staff lounge with everyone else, he's spending them holed away in his classroom, poring over lesson plans, reminders of his broken dreams, and.... other stuff. It's probably not a good idea to keep bringing these personal projects to work with him but then again, his science career did fail for a reason....

- Design note: the main design philosophy here is "hey, what would Melvinborg look like without the robot half.....?"

[silverynight]

I have another idea! :D It's a lil' Kyojuro-centric, but it's a KyoTan idea! Also, all the Kamados live, (even Tanjuro, because I just think he's neat!)

Anyway! It's a demon!Kitsune!Kyojuro AU! He was fighting another kitsune demon, (about 5-tails), and the butt-much thinks it would be hilarious to turn a morally-straight person like Kyojuro into a demon, so they do it, (somehow). And while they succeed in turning Kyojuro, they don't take in how much of a badass Kyojuro is, who fights through the painful transformation and beheads the demon! Cause Kyojuro wasn't gonna let a sadistic demon who turns others, for shits and giggles.

Kyojuro finds an abandoned shrine to hide/rest in, as the transformation wrecks havoc through his body and memories. He still remembers that his name is Kyojuro, but not his family name. He can't remember his family, but he knows children need to be protected, all humans actually, but children are especially important.

He knows he's hungry...he knows he needs something, but he needs humans to eat, but that doesn't make sense, since he protects humans??? No, no...no, his claws and 7 tails mean he's a kitsune...and he's in a shrine??? Doesn't he eat mainly 🍗, Inari-zushi and...sweet potato🍠! (Kyojuro doesn't realize he's done one of the impossible: able to eat human food).

Also, also! He does still know his breathing style still, but he doesn't know where he learned it? And his entire uniform changes into an elaborate kimono, with his haori still the same. He sleeps for a long time, (and feeling that connection to Muzan, going "what the hell is this? bye-bye" and breaks it, not knowing that he's freed himself from the demon king!), before he wakes up and stays lucid, and just...travels around.

He travels, helping people, be it fighting demons, stopping human troublemakers, or just healing people with his blood demon art, (not knowing it is that), before making it to the town the Kamados live in...also, he's pretty much conquered the sun at some point, because he wanted to help someone during the day. Anyway, he runs into Tanjiro, who can smell he's different, besides his obvious ears and tails, (Kyojuro doesn't know he can transform quite yet), and invites him to his home, thinking a Kitsune would feel more comfortable in a mountain forest. Kyojuro, who's already intrigued by Tanjiro, agrees!

Uhhhh, this is getting long, lol! Uh, Kyojuro kinda just...lives with the Kamado family from now on! He learns more demon powers, (that he thinks are Kitsune powers), helps with the chores with the Kamados, and heals Tanjuro, who can already see that Kyojuro and Tanjiro are falling for each other, and approves of them, even though he knows Kyojuro is a demon. :) He always could tell, but can also see Kyojuro is different. Kyojuro protects the mountains and the town, since he can move much faster, and needs less sleep than others. And earning the remaining two tails that he didn't have, being very powerful, even though he never has eaten human flesh!

He also starts gaining a few memories back. Not a lot, but enough. Like, he's sure he had a little brother? Has? Unsure, but he slightly remembers a little and meek version of him? Also, he may have had friends? He's remembering words associated with them: bug, no, butterfly!, stone, windy?, water, snake, love, and...noise? No, sound!

Anyway, around the time Muzan appears, said Demon king does not have a nice time! Kyojuro's flames become real, and honestly burns him! He nopes right outta there, he is not dealing with another Yoriichi, demon or otherwise! With him gone, Tanjiro hugs him, glad he's okay, (Kyo got a lil banged up, but he's already healing), and Kyojuro hugs him back! Tanjuro smiles, along with Kie, Nezuko and the rest of the children!

(Uh..., it's getting long again, lol, let's see if I can type the rest). During that New Year celebration, as Tanjuro dances the Hinokami Kagura, (since he's completely healthy, thanks to Kyojuro), Kyojuro whispers to Tanjiro to marry him? Tanjiro blushes, but nods happily! So, ya'know? They celebrate that engagement...then Giyu appears the next day! Well, that doesn't end well! One, he's shocked not only to see a demon in sunlight, but also that it's the missing Kyojuro! Two, he's surprised as the Kamado kids, Tanjiro and Nezuko start throwing coal or rocks, telling/yelling him to "leave Kyojuro-samma alone! He protects this mountain and town! He's not a demon!" And third, Tanjuro, calmly walking up to the water pillar, smiling, but with steel behind it, saying "I'm understanding you have a job to do as a slayer. However, if you plan to continue attacking my son-in-law, I will take your life, even though I wish not to..."

Though, everyone is now paying attention to Kyojuro, as the man yelps and grunts in pain, as all of his memories start coming back to him! Tanjiro, worryingly, places his hand on his finance's shoulders, asking what's wrong, but doesn't stop Kyojuro, who just hugs him tightly, and says he remembers who he is again. He remembers everything. With that, they travel to the Ubuyashiki estate, to decide what happens. That kinda goes half-great, and half-terrible. Great, because a good chunk of Hashira are happy to see Kyojuro alive, even Iguro, because he kinda grew up with the man! But, uh, bad, because Shinobu, Gyomei and Sanemi say he's a demon now, blah blah blah! But when Sanemi tries to attack Kyojuro, Tanjiro jumps in front of the man, and headbutts him, while yelling angrily, "Don't hurt my fiance!" ):<

Uhh...yeah, it got longer, lol! Yeah! Basically, Demon Slayer with a demon!Kitsune!Kyojuro, alive Kamado family, and Kyojuro may or may not being another, (and better), demon king. :3

Very interesting story. 😊

[nerves-nebula]

Tw: blood, intrusive thoughts (cannibalism), Leo being Leo

It had been a normal day.

Mikey hummed to himself. He plucked up a button from the pillow he’d piled his material on, carefully sewing it on as a second eye to the Leo doll he was making, wondering what he should do with it.

He already had an assortment of toys modeled after his family for… reasons, and this one was turning out to be a pretty shoddy one. There wasn’t really any point in keeping it. A large part of him wanted to quit now and burn it, instead of wasting more materials on it. But he’d already gotten this far into it…

And he’d used buttons. It was so hard to come by those. He wondered if he should take them out, and save them for something else. But he was almost done, and it would bother him for ages if he just undid his-

Bits of fabric and stuffing flew all over the floor by Mikey, snapping him out of his internal argument.

Leo brushed the last clinging threads off the pillow, scattering more of Mikey’s stuff on the floor.

It was a normal day.

This was normal.

He knew the smartest thing to do would be to pick up his belongings, and maybe leave the room entirely.

And yet.

And yet.

Mikey couldn’t just choke down that grating sensation as Leo held his pillow and threw it on the floor.

“Give me back my pillow Leo.” Mikey tried, attempting to keep his irritation out of his voice.

“You weren’t using it.” Leo dismissed, dropping himself down on it.

Mikey took a breath, “Yes I was. You just threw all my things off of it.”

“You weren’t using it as a pillow.” Leo grabbed one of the game controller, half ignoring him.

“Leo, it’s my pillow.” His brother ignored him, and Mikey fumed, “Leo!”

Said turtle groaned, “what?”

“It’s my pillow, I was using it!”

Leo rolled his eyes. “You were just putting garbage on it.”

A small part of Mikey seethed at having his art be seen as trash, but he’d long since grown used to those sorts of callous comments. The part of him that was supposed to tamp down how angry it made him when people touched his stuff, seemed to be taking a rain check though.

“Why do you care what I’m using my pillow for?” Mikey challenged.

“I don’t! But I’m clearly using it right now. Jeez, Mikey, just drop it, I’m trying to play my game.”

“You took my pillow!” Mikey complained, gritting his teeth. How was he able to sit there and act like Mikey was annoying him, like Leo hadn’t just come over and immediately upturned what he was working on? “Just use one of your own, you have more than me!”

“Im not putting one of my pillows on the floor!” Leo squawked indignantly, paying more attention to the screen in front of him than Mikey.

Sometimes Mikey wondered if Leo legitimately didn’t hear how awful most of the things he said were. He had to be doing it purpose, surely.

So why did Mikey have to just deal with it? Why did any of them have to just let Leo do whatever he wanted?

And perhaps it wasn’t such a normal day, because on a normal day Mikey would have been less tense, less emotional. On a normal day the thought of someone moving his things, touching his things, might have caused discomfort, rather than crackling frustration, the almost itching under his skin of violation that he felt then.

On a normal day, Mikey wouldn’t have pulled the pillow right out from under his brother.

Leo flopped of with a startled yelp, as Mikey held the pillow tight. Leo sat up, and as soon as he’d processed what just happened, he’d gotten up trying to snatch the item back.

“What’s your problem?” Leo hissed, as Mikey jumped back, meeting his glare with equal force.

“It’s my pillow, why do you get to take it?”

“You’re such a greedy, childish- argh!” Leo cut himself off with a frustrated snarl as he kept failing to catch Mikey. “God forbid I want to relax for one moment. I’m the only one that actually deserves it considering, unlike you, I take training seriously. But of course you feel the need to bother the second I sit down.”

“Stop that!” Mikey started, flinching as Leo’s movements grew harsher, “Stop acting like you didn’t do anything wrong.” He couldn’t help but flail a little as he dodged; As Leo grew more agitated, and as Mikey calmed down, he realized he’d gotten himself into a dangerous situation.

The way this was going, Leo was going to start actually attacking him, and Mikey couldn’t win that fight. Even if he just let Leo have the pillow, there was no way he would be nice about it at this point.

So, Mikey made his second bad decision of the day.

Leo lunged, missing him by a hair, and Mikey swept his feet out from under him.

Leo fell back, and Mikey didn’t get to see his face, as much a the part of him that wasn’t scared out of his mind by the hole he’d dug himself into wished he could, because he was out the room’s entrance before Leo had hit the floor.

oOo

Leo seethed.

He didn’t know how long he’d been looking for Mikey. His brother had picked a fight with him out of nowhere, then he immediately ran off, because he’d obviously known he’d loose.

Only, Mikey hadn’t lost yet. Leo needed to find Mikey. But he couldn’t.

It felt as bad as actually loosing to him, if such a thing were possible. Mikey was weak, undisciplined. And yet, he’d knocked Leo on his ass and had gotten away with it.

Leo grit his teeth, wanting nothing more than to punch something. Someone. Specifically Mikey who still hadn’t found.

There weren’t that many places for the younger boy to hide. He shouldn’t have been able to avoid Leo this easily.

(Was he really so weak that he couldn’t keep up with Mikey?)

He passed the living room for maybe the fifth time, and stopped. Mikey’s mess was cleaned up, all the scraps of garbage put into a neat pile next to the tv.

Donnie sat in front of the tv, the ugly toy Mikey had been fiddling with, in his lap. He was wrapped up in his blanket with a game controller in his hands.

oOo

Raph had felt distracted today. He’d only just gotten Donnie out of bed.

The younger had been having an off day, and Raph hadn’t checked up on him since that morning. Raph had given Donnie the rest of his breakfast after Leo had taken his upon noticing Donnie had only been picking at the meal.

Then he had forgotten to make himself lunch, focused on preparing everyone else’s food. He hadn’t noticed until later that Donnie had never come to eat, and had thus, only just gotten him out of his room.

He had also been trying to find Mikey, to no avail, having wanted to talk to his about the massive mess of crafting supplies he’d left out. Frustrating as it was, Raph let it go pretty quickly. Mikey probably hadn’t done it on purpose, he just tended to forget things.

Mostly, he’d stopped looking, so he didn’t run into Leo again. He had been stalking around, throwing some sort of fit, and Raph had better things to do than get caught up in that.

He entered the kitchen, wanting to get started on dinner, when Mikey burst out from one of the cabinets, and started rambling at him.

Raph admittedly, didn’t catch the first few seconds of whatever Mikey was telling him, struck with the sudden, visceral image of biting Mikey, tearing off one of the hands that flapped in front of his face, incessantly.

He felt abruptly sick, and took a slow drag of breath, doing his best to look like he was listening, as he waited for the image to quiet in his mind.

“-But all I wanted was my pillow back, and now he’s going to hurt me if he finds me, and it’s been like an hour, but he hasn’t stopped looking for me, and I don’t know what to do!”

Raph pulled apart what he’d caught. Mikey was probably talking about Leo; that made sense. And they were fighting over a pillow? Or at least Leo was mad about a pillow, because of course he was…

“Yeah, if he’s still going, Leo’s probably gonna pissy for a while. Just keep giving him space, and he’ll cool off eventually.” Raph sighed, “Help me make di-“

He stopped his request short, he and Mikey turning to the entrance. as Leo’s muffled yelling grew loud enough to hear.

An exasperated exhaustion only one of his brother’s could cause washed over Raph at the sound. He closed his eyes, but didn’t bother trying gather some vestige of patience, “Damnit Leo.”

oOo

“Move, I want to play.” Leo said, nudging Donnie with his leg. Leo had been going to use the console, before Mikey had decided to be a brat. Where did Donnie get off just using stuff without checking if Leo had been in the middle of using it? He’d clearly been doing something, looking for Mikey, and the thought hadn’t even occurred to his younger brother somehow.

Why did his brothers have to be so selfish all the time?

Donnie turned to look up at him from his seat, glancing back at the screen for a second as though Leo wasn’t even talking to him!

“But I was-“ Donnie started, annoyingly. Could he not just listen to the people around him for once?

“Shut up! God, why do you have to be so damn needy all the time? Pulling all your mopey, pathetic bullshit. Do you ever get tired of taking up everyone’s attention? Wasting everyone’s time?”

“…”

Suddenly, Donnie wasn’t meeting Leo’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure what Donnie’s expression was, but it soothed that prickling thing in his brain that had been downright painful since Mikey had attacked him.

Donnie staggered to his feet, and began backing up, Mikey’s stupid doll hitting the floor. “I’m sorry. nobody was here. I didn’t think-” he mumbled. God that was grating.

As Donnie tried to leave a flare of something like panic spiked under his irritation, and had him grabbing his brother’s arm, and yanking him back.

“Stop whining!” He demanded, cutting off Donnie’s murmurs. “You know, the least you could do is stay out of everyone’s way. Instead you drag yourself all over the house, begging for attention!”

Donnie didn’t fight like Raph might have. He didn’t snap or grumble like Mikey would have. He just cringed in on himself in a way that was as satisfying as it was infuriating.

“You’re so weak, it’s disgusting.” Leo snapped.

A hand gripped his wrist, forcing him to let go of Donnie. Leo startled, tearing himself from the grasp.

“What are you doing?” Raph asked tiredly.

Leo didn’t answer. If Raph actually paid attention, he’d see Donnie had being aggravating on purpose, but Leo didn’t trust Raph would. He was always coddling him and Mikey…

If he’d been calmer he would have seen Raph coming. That didn’t change that he hadn’t noticed him though. If that had been an enemy.

“You can’t grab people out of nowhere, like that!” Leo hissed, failing to sooth himself over the oversight.

“You,” Raph intoned, “can’t harass Donnie, because you’re in a bad mood.”

Leo rolled his eyes. Of course that’s how he’d twist it.

“Leo, I’m serious.” He continued, voice rising.

“Im not in a ‘bad mood’,” he scoffed, “Donnie was being all whiny and sulky. You’re always hovering over him, but you never acknowledge it when he acts like this.” He complained, shoving Raph back.

Raph growled, and well, if ever there was an indicator to fight, that was surely it.

His older brother barely blocked Leo’s kick, and as they fight Leo can’t help but loose his former tenseness. Fighting Raph was much more satisfying, than trying to get Donnie stop being awful.

Donnie was hardly his responsibility, and he never fought back; there’s wasn’t much to gain in beating Donnie. (That’s not to say he didn’t still do it, because Donnie was easy, and awful, and hard to ignore when he was right there.)

Leo realized, suddenly, that Donnie was gone. He’d probably ran off as soon as Raph had picked this fight. Coward.

As the fight drags on, it loops right back around to making Leo annoyed again. Raph didn’t even seem to be taking the fight seriously, hardly a thought behind his eyes as moved.

Then Leo noticed his dad watching them from the room’s entrance.

How long had he been there? Did he see Leo was losing? He couldn’t loose to Raph in front of dad! Why was he even here?

Of course he was here, Leo mentally scolded himself. Their dad was going to use the tv tonight. He’d forgotten with how abysmally today had been going.

Raph didn’t seem to have noticed before him at least. It was an empty comfort when Leo still wasn’t winning.

Leo tried compose himself, and end the fight.

oOo

Raph was stressed. He was tired.

He had stopped paying attention since Leo had attacked him, which wasn’t the smartest time to zone out, but considering he hadn’t lost yet, it worked out fine.

God he was sore. And he still had to make dinner.

Raph wasn’t quite aware enough to process Leo’s snarl of frustration as he caught his swing. Nor did he doesn’t fully register the sharp thwack of Leo elbowing him in the mouth.

For the record, Raph was not thinking.

Later, there will still be guilt, yes, horror even, but he will rationalize it had been reflexive. He had been hungry. He had been dazed. It wasn’t a conscious choice he’d made, so much as it had been his body acting on its own.

In that moment, however, there was only the quick squelch-crunch of Leo’s elbow, and the bracing taste of blood in Raph’s mouth.

Only Raph, frozen with the hazy afterimage of those last seconds of the fight playing in his head like the memory of a dream.

oOo

Splinter had sighed to himself as he’d come upon his sons roughhousing.

He had been watching in the doorway waiting for them to calm down, and get out of the way, so he could watch his show, but they were growing more annoying by the second.

Leonardo was taking far too long to win. They weren’t even in training; this wasn’t even a real spar. It was rather disappointing.

Although, Splinter supposed, Red was being far too rough for a play fight.

Then, Red had bitten Leonardo.

“Ow!” His successor yelled. The boy stared down at the bleeding wound, as Splinter moved over to check the injury himself. “You fucking bit me.” He said, stunned.

Splinter tsked. Not knowing his own strength was one thing, but this. He let go of Leonardo’s arm, and he cradled it close, staring up at him. Splinter would need to make sure it wasn’t infected before he wrapped it…

“I-“ Red began, quietly.

Splinter’s head snapped, so he was leveling a glare at Red that cut him off. His teeth were stained with Leonardo’s blood.

“I knew to expect undisciplined behavior from you, Red.” He started, contempt dripping from his voice, “But this.” He grabbed Red’s arm, yanking him forward, and dragging him along. He was shaking, Splinter noticed absently. “If you are going to behave like an animal, you are going to be treated like an animal.” He scolded.

He hadn’t had to put anyone besides Orange in the corner for a while. He didn’t think he’d ever had to put Red here for anything beside picking fights with Leonardo.

Splinter fastened the chain cuff onto Red’s ankle, glad that he at least hadn’t thrown a fit about the punishment like Orange usually did. Instead he curled in on himself.

Splinter rolled his eyes. If Red truly felt bad about what he’d done to Leonardo, he wouldn’t have done it.

He made his way back, returning to Leonardo’s side, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “Come my son, Let us treat this.”

He nodded, none of the wincing and whining the youngest two were prone to, as he clutched his arm.

As Splinter moved, pulling his son along, he took note of Orange, able to hear his skulking down the hall.

“Orange.” He called, causing Leonardo to stiffen slightly against him, and the child in question, to stumble as he ran into the entrance.

“Yeah dad,” he said, fidgeting irritatingly.

Splinter turned his attention back to Leonardo, leaving with the boy as he spoke, “Make sure dinner is taken care of,” he waved back, gesturing to the state of the room, “and clean up this mess.”

In the entrance, Splinter paused, his foot bumping against some stuffed toy. He picked it up, sure it was Orange’s.

Really, if he was going to leave these things laying around he didn’t deserve them. He left with the toy in hand, Leonardo quietly trailing after him.

oOo

Mikey knew wasn’t going to see that toy again. He shouldn’t have cared, he’d forgotten about it all day, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t make new ones.

…It sucked though.

The entire living room was a mess from the fight, his art supplies now even more scattered than they had been.

Mikey wasn’t sure what had happened after Raph had left the kitchen. He hadn’t been able to hear much of anything clear.

He was curious about whatever Raph had done to make a bloody mess of Leo’s arm. He kind of hoped Raph finally broke his arm back. That was probably something he should have felt bad about thinking, but to be fair, Leo had been especially terrible today.

Whatever, Raph had done, it seemed to make Leo forget he’d been mad at Mikey. At least for now.

Whatever. He had no idea what Raph had been going to make for dinner, but he could probably manage.

oOo

Donnie was not coming out of his room, which left Mikey eating alone with his two least favorite people, so that was fun.

And then his dad complained his cooking was worse than Raph’s, and also didn’t let him give any dinner to Raph, because he was still in trouble.

Leo didn’t get in trouble for any of the past day, and Mikey found himself paying no attention to the food in front of him, instead riding out an imagined scenario where Leo and Splinter apologized, rather continuing to be the absolute worst.

there is. SO MUCH TO GO OVER HERE. first of all congratulations on getting their characterization SO GOOD. Leo's selfishness, Donnie's timid nature, Raphs overall TIREDNESS and Mikey's frustration AUGHAGHUH!!!! THANK YOU.

I read this while in bed and there were SO MANY parts that had me kicking my legs, the way Leo can't stand Donnie's meekness and lashes out at him. The way Leo can't really see things from other people's perspectives,

the way Splinter calls the others by their colors even in his own thoughts- OUGAHGDSHG!! And the ending where Mikey has to sit there with the people he hates the MOST and listen to them bitch so he just retreats into his imagination- I feel like I've been teleported back in time, oguahgaghunag.

I like your Leo Bullying Donnie scene especially, it's really reminiscent of something that's about to happen in the comics haha so I'm glad the Vibes i put out are getting across.

“If you are going to behave like an animal, you are going to be treated like an animal.”

FUCKING OWWWWWWWW OWW OW OWWW!!! i could pick out the lines i loved here all day but that'd make this already long ask even longer so just know that i am eating this fanfic. i am consuming it into my SOUL. fasjfsadmf.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Alright, a couple of regular replies, and then some about Jade!

eh-nonnie-mouse asked:

I'm so nervous to de anon but your newest comic of Floyd/Idia comic is too cute! I'm sure Floyd totally doesn't have any ulterior motives once he realizes what position they are in.

This is such a silly thing to be nervous about since I write problematic content (mostly incest) and enjoy your Shroudcest stuff a lot. You have such a beautiful art style and I am so happy my anon blurbs (the Seb/Ceil and Fin/Ciel and some other NSFW stuff) make you two somewhat happy 😊. I know I don't interact with a lot but I hope to drop more chats in non anon.

Thank you so much! We really appreciate it <3

Floyd is super invested in that game he’s playing, but once they’re in this very convenient position, he’ll show Idia how much of a multitasker he can be >:3c He’ll impress him for sure.

And even though it’s going off-anon is an anxious thing to do, it’s good to see a person behind all those asks :) Nice to meet you!

Anonymous asked:

(Referring to your fem twst art) I absolutely NEED to see fem!Silver in Aurora’s 1959 commoner outfit! She would look so pretty!!! 🥺😍🥺😍

Ahh SHE WOULD, ANON, SHE REALLY WOULD!! And honestly this is my favourite outfit of Aurora.

I don’t have anything to show right now, but I really hope to draw fem!Silver in this dress. Even though she probably spent the majority of her time wearing pants…

Btw thank you for loving my fem!Silver, it means a lot ;w;

Anonymous asked:

In this household we love Jade ❤️

In all seriousness the fandom doesn't give him enough love, Jade is always the other woman when it comes to ships and worst of all it's always Floyd his own twin brother that gets the girl anyways. Make a donation to save Jade from second male lead syndrome 😢/j.

Ahh, poor Jade. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride… I can picture him sobbing quietly and wiping his tears with a tiny little handkerchief… :”(

To be fair, I think Jade finds his position quite advantageous: if everyone always pays attention to Floyd, he gets to not only act as if he isn’t the same when it comes to being chaotic and dangerous, but also have this element of surprise!

He also doesn’t flirt as obviously and as often as Floyd does, so we can blame Jade’s sneaky ways to collect his bottoms lol

Anonymous asked:

by chance, do you think Jade would like using idia as a lab rat? aka feeding him all kinds of mushrooms to test their effects and inevitably doing the affection +100 nighttime-activities command with a very drugged up idia

Anonymous asked:

I wonder if Jade being the awful guy he is (lovingly) would test out every single kink from A-Z on Idia?

Those are two different asks, but I feel like they are kind of connected because in my head to Jade testing out kinks and using someone as a lab rat are pretty much the same thing lol And to answer both of them: YES, Jade would absolutely do that if he had an opportunity. I guess the second option is more possible because it seems less dangerous, and I wanted to say that it would come first, but…. Honestly? With Jade it could go either way.

He could either start experimenting on Idia and it’d turn out sexual, or he’d start having sex with Idia, but then they’d end up experimenting somehow.

I don’t know what needs to happen for Idia to get stuck with Jade-the-shroom-guru and his tests, but Jade would be very excited. I mentioned it our other Jade/Idia posts, but: he would love to see if some mushrooms would change the colour of his hair or the way it burns. In this way, Idia is the most perfect lab rat ever – it’s so much fun! Not to mention how helpless Idia becomes when he’s drugged up… even more-so than he is usually~

[monty-glasses-roxy]

aside from decorating cupcakes and other sweet treats, chica is also pretty good at decorating cookies (sometimes sun or moon joins in on the fun), she's the plex's resident baker for good reason and they had a fun time decorating gingerbread houses during christmas

Oh they love a gingerbread sculpture time of year be damned. Why sculptures and not houses? Look at the contestants. Do they look like people that can be limited to just houses? No, of course not.

Chica is the master of the classic gingerbread house. She likes to make something that looks actually good to eat and really pretty. She's a bit of a perfectionist, but honestly, this being what she's known for kind of makes her want to break it and do something else. The second she revealed this to either Roxy or Monty, they stared her straight in the face... and slammed their fist onto the gingerbread pieces. At first, Chica was horrified. How is she going to make a house like this?! "Don't make a house then, dumdum."

Monty and Roxy being there is what turns this into a contest. They're too competitive to work together for too long. They're trying - and failing - to show Chica what other stuff she can make with the broken pieces and eventually they both just have a little tower of pieces they've stuck together and called 'Modern Art'. It immediately falls apart after they name it because they don't know what they're doing. Chica fucking loved it though and now you have the three of them fucking around trying to make something nice with random gingerbread shapes. Every so often one of them will just punch the unused pieces or a new sheet so it's getting more complicated as time goes on.

They call in Bonnie and Sunny to show them their cobbled together winter scene of everyone made of gingerbread. It's an absolute mess but it's their proudest achievement. Bonnie praises it and asks if they can contribute, which, of course they can. He stacks a bunch of gingerbread pieces in the formation of bowling pins and rolls a gumdrop at them. While they play gingerbread bowling, Sunny vanishes and returns with those strawberry lace sweets and almost instantly, Roxy has ditched the game to start making an army of gingerbread Mini Music Men with them. Monty asks how many Minis there actually are, a little worriedly and Roxy just gives him a devillish smirk and asks "do you really want me to answer that?" The answer is nope. Nope nope nope. Arachnaphobia too strong for that no thank you! Anyway, Bonnie and Chica have started naming the spider army.

How long until Freddy joins them? Not that long I don't think. If Foxy's here, he immediately starts stealing gingerbread and stuff to make something for each of them. Freddy has been offering some input on that whilst he takes some gingerbread to build a rocket ship. They dim the lights a little so Moon can have a turn too and he immediately screams and smashes the final sheet of gingerbread with both his fists. He was waiting for them to dim the lights. He was waiting for this moment to scare the shit out of them. He planned for this. Sunny even convinced them to save a sheet or two for later incase they need it since they're fine with what they have now, all for his master scheme. Oh boy did he spook 'em lmao

Maybe they even drag Vanessa and the Minis into this? Maybe Chica starts work on making giant gingerbread sheets just for DJ? Oh my god Chica makes a shit ton and DJ stacks them up to the ceiling like a house of cards... it would be huge. He gets the pleasure of making it all tumble to the ground again before he starts trying to make little structures out of them again. What is gingerbread if not edible, and less durable lego bricks?

They have fun for sure! Definitely doing that more than once a year though. If not with gingerbread, than they'll find something else to do it with lmao

[kaisacobra]

Sam and Kate??? *gasp*

I would kill for that, I would DIE for that. Teeny-tiny one shot or hcs about this please? 🥹🙏

Ok, so...

Sam Carpenter x Kate Bishop HCs (in Second Best au!)

It all started when Kate began hanging around the core four + you and Anika more often, mainly because she wanted to be sure that you'd be fine near Tara again.

Also because she became gym buddies with Chad rather quickly.

At some point, she started to notice that Sam was... really, really attractive. Kate was all for her "tough guy" persona and everytime Sam wore a tank top you swore you saw Kate sweating.

And my girl, Kate Bishop, isn't subtle at all and tbh she never wanted to be. She started flirting with Sam, spending more time around her when you guys did something together, offering to teach her a bit of martial arts and self defense. (she stopped offering when Sam beat her in an arm wrestle in less than 5 seconds, but Kate had been fairly distracted ogling Sam's biceps)

At first, Sam just didn't really cared (?). Like, she thought maybe Kate was just playing and kind of shrugged her attention off as if it was just a joke.

But Sam wasn't blind. She knew that Kate was gorgeous and she even liked her dorky self behind all of the "Rich Heir" poise. And then Sam started to notice more things, like how dedicated Kate was to her friends and her job and how she managed to balance her responsabilities and her studies.

Basically, Kate had a golden personality and seemed to be a stable and driven person. That was exactly Sam's type.

But, since nothing in sb!au is easy, of course we would have some miscommunication to spice things up.

Sam would kind of steer away from Kate because she was trying really hard to make her feelings go away.

First, because she thought Kate deserved better than someone as messed up as her. Second, because she'd seen how a bad relationship could ruin a group (cough, cough, Tara.) and she didn't want you guys to go through something like that again.

On Kate's side, she noticed Sam getting more distant and she took it as a sign to give up her attemps. She respected it, of course, but she started sulking and pouting everywhere, like a kid without her candy.

At this point, everyone else in the group could tell what was going on BUT the two of them and, as the good friends you were, you just had to intervene.

I'm not gonna give too much details but just know that alcohol, a closet and a key on Mindy's pocket was pretty much all that was needed for this mission.

Anyways, they are a cute couple with the usual sunshine x grumpy trope. Kate is big on PDA and is always holding tightly on Sam's arm even though she can handle herself just fine.

And Sam is grateful for that because, while she does love taking care of Kate, she also loves knowing that Kate could do the same for her, if needed.

Sam proposed the idea of them going to the gym together once, but Kate got so distracted with her on the first day that she missed Chad's swing when they were sparring. Sam couldn't hold back her laughter while applying ice to Kate's bruise.

Also, you and Tara actually had an improvement in your own relationship because of them, as both of you had to spend more time together (mostly talking about how sweet and disgustingly cute they were as a couple).

They complete each other very well and they have a very stable and loving relationship that all of you are very fond of. (although Anika did threatened them if they ever thought about getting married before her and Mindy.)

[nattravn-art]

In regards to these news, I'd like to precise that I've opted out of "third party sharing" (AI scraping) on this blog, my main @nattravn-stuff and my other secondaries.

I'm no big artist, but I still do not want my work to be used for AI purposes.

Following is personal feelings. The TL;DR is: I don't think I'll keep posting my personal art on tumblr/my socials any longer. That doesn't include zines/promo art and occasional fanart.

Quite frankly, it hurts and I'm tired of this all.

Drawing has always been a way for me to express myself and share what I love, drawing characters I love whether it's mine or other people's, whether it's fandom characters or OCs. However since a couple of years now, I've gradually lost the joy of sharing it on social sites, hence why I've posted less and less here.

I know I briefly mentioned it before but my mental health is not always the best, to put it simply, it never really was. Nearly two decades ago, finding online art communities was a lifesaver. First it was on forums. Then, after a wrecking art school year, I'd promised myself I would never draw again. I did pick up a pencil after a bit of not drawing due to OCs and fandom characters. Despite my art being bad at the time, I joined Deviantart. I'd found a community full of fantastic people there, and this community encouraged me to draw more of what I loved and post it online. I don't know where I would be artistically nowadays, or if I would still be drawing at all, if it wasn't for this community. Then I'd found tumblr, which was a fun way for me to share art among other things. DA was about to decline so I just stayed on tumblr, even if there was less engagement there for me aside on some specific fanart pieces.

I never was a popular artist and honestly, I didn't intend to be one. I just drew what I loved and appreciated the engagement. During DA days, I used to be more excited to share my stuff with the world than drawing, then the joy became equal between creating and sharing. That source of joy started vanishing for me, and it has affected my art. It affected it first because it felt that art only became "content" to be "consumed", it felt that it lost its personality and meaning. Then AI generated "art" and "artists" happened and it feels that it finished killing that joy for me. Today's news was the last nail in the coffin.

Not is all negative thought. Over the past year, I feel that I started regaining joy creating by telling myself that I don't need to share my art. It feels kind of stupid to type that tbh, but making art had been so tied to posting it online to me that I'd almost.. forgotten that. I started liking drawing for myself again. I started liking getting an idea and figuring how to express it visually again, even though the process could be so frustrating... I guess these are pretty words for me to just say "I love OCs and characters and want to draw my, my spouse's, my friends' and strangers' brains blorbos and the blorbos from my games too. I'm not sure I enjoy posting them on socials though."

All this to say that I've come to terms that I don't think I want to post my personal art on tumblr/my socials any longer, as long as it doesn't bring me joy. I will continue drawing and partaking zines and art events that bring me joy (such as Art Fight, or art challenges). I will also share art for promotional purposes + and I may post occasional fanarts if my brain gets in hyperfocus.

Eventually, if you're here reading this and liked seeing my personal art on your dash, I'm sorry and I hope you understand.

PS: if we're mutuals and you're on TH, shoot me a message I'd love to see you there!

[marshmallows2345]

Jay performing a roleplay BDSM session with Erin and reader involving handcuffs, Dom!Jay and Dom!Erin, spanking, interrogation and candle wax

now this is a) a perfect example of a request and b) RIGHT UP MY ALLEY HELLO.

Content warning: BDSM themes, smut, like filthy smut, waxplay, impact play, interrogation, degradation, FFM threesome, dirty talk(a lot of it), general filth.

a/n: this was so kskskeneo yes. i love this.

The steel cuffs locked around your wrists slightly dig into the soft skin, leaving behind angry red marks that are sure to remain tomorrow. A cold metal chair is situated underneath you, sending shivers up your spine and making every hair stand on edge. Your dominants, Jay and Erin are sat in front of you, their faces locked in icy glares. The air in the room seems to drop 20 degrees every time you think about what’s gonna happen tonight. Not to mention, you’re in just a thin tank top and panties, nipples poking through.

“Tell us what you did, huh? You tell us what you did, and we’ll be nice.”

You swallow thickly as you glance up at her, into her hardened hazel eyes. She leans back in her chair, pushing her chest out. Not that she needs to, her top showcases her cleavage perfectly.

“I don’t think she wants to talk, Erin,” the guy says, his arms folded over his chest. His forearms are so huge, so built. You can’t think of anything other than how one of them would feel locked around your throat. “I don’t think that pretty mouth will open unless we make it open.”

“Got any ideas, Jay?” She asks, and he pushes his chair back, the scraping making your back tense.

Jay comes around and stands behind you, his body pressed right up against the back of your chair. You swallow thickly as his hand comes to wrap around your throat, ever so gently squeezing the sides.

“Oh,” you gasp, lips slightly parting as he makes you look up at him.

“There we go,” he says with the cruelest smirk you’ve seen. “Just needed a push, hm?”

Jay moves his hand up to grip your chin, squeezing your cheeks so your lips are pushed into a pout. You whimper, pressing your thighs together, and he murmurs,

“You disobeyed us, hm? Started riding the biggest dildo even though we never gave you permission to play with yourself. Then, you decided to film it and send it to us, while we’re at work no less. One of our coworkers could have seen, and neither Erin or me feels like whoring you out to them. Especially since our lessons haven’t gotten through to you, hm?”

You glance over at Erin, eyes pleading for sympathy, but her face is cold as ice. She softly chuckles before getting up and strutting over to you, the cropped tank top she’s in leaving very little to the imagination. She undoes the cuffs, a knowing smirk on her face. This “nice” gesture is not nice, not in the slightest. Red circles adorn your wrists, reminding you that you still are not calling the shots here.

“You thought I was gonna be nice? Do you have any idea the hell Voight gave us? All because our slut couldn’t wait. You just had to be a whore, stuffing yourself,” Erin sneered as she looked down at you. “Get your shirt off.”

You quickly pull off your shirt, throwing it aside as Erin’s hands reach around to cup your breasts. Jay pulls his hand away, opting instead to watch as Erin plays with her toy. He perches himself on the table, and he watches with an intrigued look on his face.

“What do you think, Erin? What should we do with her tonight?”

“I promised her I’d turn her into a work of art. I think I’ll keep my promise, but only after she takes her punishment. 25 spankings with the ruler?” Erin purrs, her eyes hardened with lust.

“I think that should suffice. Bend over the arm of the couch, little whore.”

You obey Jay’s command, not wanting to extend your punishment further. He comes up behind you and presses the very prominent erection that’s in his pants to your ass. Erin hands him the ruler, and she sits in front of you, monitoring your body to make sure you’re okay.

“Count,” Jay orders as he runs his hand along the smooth wood of the ruler. “You lose count, we start over. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Detective,” you obediently reply, swallowing thickly.

“Can you tell me your color, and your safeword?”

“Green, and my safeword is berry.”

“Good girl,” Erin praised as she cups your chin. “Telling us your safeword. You use it if you need to, okay?”

“I will, I promise.”

“Good,” she murmured as she kisses your head. “You ready?”

You nodded, and the first strike comes cracking down on your ass. You yelp out a “one” before the second one comes down, this time on the other cheek. Erin’s hand finds yours and she lets you squeeze it after every strike. You count after every strike, no matter how many tears come down your face. Luckily, Jay isn’t cruel, and he keeps his pace fairly steady throughout. He knows impact play is difficult for you to get through, and he keeps a careful eye on you. Jay knows when you’ve had enough, and since he has Erin watching your face, he knows she’ll tell him when you really can’t take it anymore.

Your cries turn to sobs as the number of strikes increase, body trembling as Jay slams the ruler down on your ass. Tears roll down your cheeks, but as much as it hurts and burns, your thighs press together with a searing hot need. Your outer lips become slick with arousal, and it does not go unnoticed by Jay. He smirks as he continues his assault, all the way up until you cry out,

“Twenty five!”

Jay tosses the ruler aside, and he sits away from you to let the complicated mess of feelings that arise wash over him. You collapse into Erin, who holds you and strokes your hair, murmuring soft reassurances.

“Such a good girl, taking your punishment. We’re so proud of you, hm? Our good girl, she just needed a reminder. That’s all, hm?” She softly asks, and you nod, giving her a small whimper as a response.

Once Jay takes his few moments, he comes over and gently taps your shoulder, and you immediately lean into him. His strong arms wrap around you as his lips place a tender kiss to your head.

“Our good girl,” he murmurs as his hand rubs your back, making you arch into him. “Erin’s right, you just needed a little reminder.”

You nod as he kisses your cheek, softly murmuring how good, how you’re his good girl. That was the beautiful thing about Jay and Erin. They knew what they were doing, they respected what you gave them and how important it was to reassure you.

The warm wax dribbles down your body, creating a river of red down the valley of your chest and down your stomach. They take turns dropping it onto you, sometimes from higher heights, sometimes lower. The lower heights make you keen at the warmth, body arching as the wax drops and runs all over. Higher heights draw out soft gasps as the wax hardens right as it touches your skin, surely to leave red marks when it gets taken off at the end of the night.

Jay pays special attention to your breasts, covering them with pools of red and white. As the wax drips onto your nipples, you grit your teeth at the pleasantly uncomfortable sensation. When he’s done, your breasts look almost like a melted peppermint, white and red mixing together to create swirled and smudged pink. Erin blows out the candle in her hands before she drops down to her knees and runs her hands up your sides, feeling the hardened wax underneath her slender fingers as her mouth lays kisses to your neck. She kisses up your jaw before her plump lips lock on yours in a sweet and spicy kiss, teeth gently nipping at your bottom lip.

Jay takes one of the larger candles, and he holds it in his hand, not lighting it just yet. He crouches down behind you, lips grazing the top of your ear as he softly whispers,

“Checking in, sweet girl, can you tell me your color?”

“So fucking green, Detective,” you breath as you pull away from Erin, her taste still on your lips.

“Good girl, using your words. My good girl, all she needed was a reminder,” he purrs as he nibbles the top of your ear. “Let’s finish turning you into a pretty work of art.”

He lights the larger candle before starting on your back. Your soft moans are swallowed by Erin’s mouth as you writhe underneath the warm wax and Jay’s scrutinizing gaze. She kisses down your neck as Jay continues letting droplets and rivers rest and race down your back. You let out soft gasps and moans as he covers your skin in wax. When he’s satisfied with the amount of wax adorning your body, he gives a nod of approval and blows out the candle.

“Look at her, Erin. She’s a living, breathing work of art.”

“She is. She’s our work of art,” Erin muses as she kisses down your body, her hands slipping up your sides. She pulls you onto her lap, her chest pressed against yours as Jay comes up behind you.

He dwarfs the two of you as he looks down at his girls and you let out the prettiest moan as his hand slips in between your thighs.

“So, what do you think, gorgeous? Want me to let you sit on my face and you can ride me til you cum? Or do you want me to pound you while Erin watches, knowing whichever decision you make, she’ll have her way with you after?”

[signalhill-if]

Hey folks! It's just about time to start thinking about art.

I've tried to sit down several times and work out a style for Signal Hill, and it's just never looked right. Eventually I concluded that if I wanted art that looked right, I'd need to hire somebody else to do it for me.

So I'll be commissioning paintings of the characters from a very talented artist, @/wuntrum (not tagging because I am shy <3), whose are you can peruse here. Not only are they talented, they also have a comic called Signals, so it's like the universe is trying to tell me something haha. This is going to be over a pretty big time span because obviously it's quite expensive and it takes time to make art, but expect to be seeing the first piece in the next few months.

However, I still have some time to decide who is going to be the first up! I don't want to decide entirely on my own, so I'm going to make it a poll.

I'm also narrowing the options down to just characters we've met in the actual game so far. All of their portraits will be based on their in-game introductions. I'm going to give you a description of what I'm thinking for each one, the pros and cons, and I'll let y'all have the final say (or maybe like... the second-to-last say. If it's close enough I might pick). Without further ado...

Doc

I'm hoping to eventually have two versions of Doc, one with and one without the plague doctor outfit. The one you'd be getting first, though, would be with. It would be a full body painting of him standing against an abstract desert landscape, something that could function as both standalone art and have the title placed on the right. This one is probably also going to be the most expensive? Unsure, I won't know until I run the concept by the artist. Also it might be a little sad if the first piece I get is one where the character's face isn't even visible lmao.

Yasmin

This is the image that's been caught in my head for MONTHS, actually since super early in the game's development, haha. Yasmin reclining in a couch covered in pillows and draped with translucent fabric, possibly holding her pipe or possibly with arm outstretched to the viewer. Gah. I want to see it soooooo bad. But also maybe it would be good to leave this off until later, so we've got the vibe down a little better before getting started on this one?

Yvette

Yvette's intro is similarly iconic, seen from a low angle in a fancy robe perched on the fancy staircase. I've got a very good idea of what this one would look like since I've tried to draw it several times before, so that would be good re: references. It'll also be less expensive than the others, since I don't want this one to be a full body shot. So that's a big plus.

KC

The big downside with KC is that I'm not 100% sure which concept to go with- I could do her at the beginning of Lamplighters, in her windbreaker, with her feet kicked up on the table, smoking. Or I could do something inspired by Test Run. For that reason, it's probably best to leave her until Test Run comes out, but I'll throw her in in case y'all really want to see her intro scene lol.

Levi

Levi is similar in that I'm not 100% sure about the concept. It would certainly be him with the knife in Tracking Number, half body, but I'm not sure what angle or mood to go with, so I'd probably be leaving it somewhat up to the artist to decide. Might be better to leave him until later, but again, I'll include him in case y'all really want to see him.

[theghostofashton]

semi-complete saturday

thank you for the tag @sanjuwrites and thank you to @heartstringsduet for coming up with this!

rules: share one scene or art that never made it into a/the finished piece and probably never will. (and if you want, share what it was supposed to be and why you left it out or never finished it) i actually have an doc of outtakes from you saw the truth in me. there were a few scenes i rewrote because i just wasn't happy with them (i have this thing about never deleting anything in case i may want to use it later lol) this is a scene that almost made it into the fic but was ultimately cut because i never felt like i got the tone of tk's instagram post quite right.

On his next day off, Carlos decides to pack up his stuff and spend the morning in a coffee shop. He gathers his laptop and headphones and slips them into his bag, and then heads to the nearest one, only a couple blocks away from his apartment. 

He orders his latte and finds a table at the back, then opens his computer and pulls up the Excel spreadsheet he’s been using to track client progress. He started this system a couple years ago, after pen and paper had gotten to be too cumbersome. He kept ending up with filled notebooks and running out of places to store them, and every time he needed to reference an old one, he’d tear his entire place up looking for it. The switch to digital was annoying, but necessary. 

Eventually, he’d taken an afternoon to sit and separate all his data into different sheets and put in a color-coding method he still uses, to this day, to track everything. 

Carlos pulls up TK’s and looks over what he’s programmed for him. He doesn’t want to change anything yet. TK is still struggling with push-ups. He’s been doing them slightly elevated for the past couple of weeks, and that’s working, but he’s not quite ready to do them the way they’re traditionally done on the floor. Carlos wants to give him another week with the modification before they start that. 

They need to get into the water at some point, but that’s less important than dry land training, ironically enough. TK doesn’t need to actually swim at the level of an Olympian, he just needs to look the part. The exercises they’re doing in the weight room are much more important in getting him there. 

He's been doing really well, so far. It’s actually pretty impressive how fast he’s picked up things. He’s still barely saying two words to Carlos during sessions, but he does everything asked without an issue. It’s a little scary how obedient he is. Carlos has never had a client like that. 

He closes Excel and pulls up Google. He did this a while back, right after he signed the contract, but since the casting announcement has officially gone out, there’s sure to be more. He types in TK’s name and waits for the search to load. 

TK Strand makes a shocking return to acting 

TK Strand, comeback or cash grab?  

The truth about TK Strand’s hasty comeback 

And there are hundreds more like it, from big and small publications alike. TMZ has some not so nice words for TK, but they’re TMZ, and Carlos didn’t expect much else. Some of the other websites, though, have him fuming a little. He clicks on the articles and skims them, and they’re exactly what he figured they would be: a ton of speculation, very little detail, and multiple paragraphs about the series of incidents that ended TK’s career in the first place. 

Carlos has read all of this before, but it stings a little, having now met him. The talk of his addiction and his intoxication on set, how there was a period of a few months where he was constantly drunk, high, or both, his violent outbursts at random seedy bars, and a failed engagement that TK’s ex seems far too delighted to keep speaking on. None of it paints TK in a good light.

But none of it allows him to defend himself, either. There’s no room for his side of the story. 

One of the articles features a photo of the statement TK put out after the events. Carlos scrolls down to it. 

Hi everyone,

There’s been a lot said about me online recently, and I wanted to take a moment to explain. Over the past few months, I have been struggling severely with my mental health. In the interest of transparency, I would like to share with everyone that I am currently pursuing treatment for substance abuse, and am beginning the long journey toward recovery. I ask for privacy during this time, as I work with my team to develop a treatment plan that will suit my needs.  

I am very sorry for any pain my actions have caused.  

-TK Strand 

The statement was posted to all of his social media accounts. TK’s tweeted a couple of times since then, but there hasn’t been another post on his Instagram or Facebook. Both of his profiles feel like graveyards, homages to the person he used to be. The pictures of him smiling with interview hosts and squished into group shots stop after a while, until it only becomes photos at nightclubs. There’s a picture of what Carlos assumes is TK as a little kid, held by a woman with curly brown hair and a wide smile. 

He clicks on that one, and freezes. The threat of tears is a shock, but his eyes well up immediately.  

I’ll miss you forever.

That’s the last post before his statement, dated about six months before.  

It’s a little dizzying, seeing it laid out like this. He thinks back to what Mateo was saying at dinner the other day, TK’s mom dying and his boyfriend’s infidelity happening in quick succession, how that was what set things off. Six months later, a statement about struggling with substance abuse.

Something twists in Carlos’s chest. He reaches forward to shut the lid of his laptop, suddenly feeling a little sick.

tagging @paperstorm @strandnreyes @reyesstrand @bonheur-cafe @lightningboltreader @carlos-in-glasses and leaving an open tag for anyone else who wants to share!