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Nowadays, Pure Vanilla has gotten used to his sleep fluctuating wildly between turbulent dreams and sleep like the void itself has swallowed him whole. It seems like a game of chance whenever he rests his head down, and neither option leaves him any less tired the next morning.
Today, his dreams are absurd, swirling and spilling into each other, and vividly upsetting in a way he can't identify. He shut his eyes tight, but that doesn't block out the rest of his senses. He can hear begging, crying, shouting, and the scent of something burning and wilted lilies clashes in the air, creating a suffocating smell that winds around him slow. It is awful, but it is slightly less so, now that he knows how to recognise when he is in a dream. More importantly, he has a question, and he is more than aware of Shadow Milk's lingering presence.
"You founded the study of Dark Moon Magic, didn't you?"
It is a soft question, but one that is sure of itself. Instantly, the sounds and smells and sensations that had been plaguing Pure Vanilla disappear. Pure Vanilla keeps both his eyes closed for the time being, just in case. Tonight, his staff is absent like a missing leg, and he misses the added security of being able to look through it.
"Oh, come on! Don't interrupt the scene, we were just getting to the good part!" Shadow Milk's voice responds with frustration, the sound coming from all sides. It is precisely because it comes from all sides that Pure Vanilla keeps his eyes closed, not quite trusting that the shards of his nightmares have been fully swept away. He doesn't want to find out what Shadow Milk could possibly consider to be 'the good part' amidst the sounds of suffering and anguish.
Instead, Pure Vanilla sighs. "It was your choice to stop everything when I asked that, wasn't it? You can't blame me for that."
"Bzzt! Wrong! I can blame you because you did interrupt. It doesn't matter what I did in response, a disruption is a disruption." Shadow Milk declares loudly, voice a little rougher, as if he was daring Pure Vanilla to argue back. But his voice is now only coming from one source, right in front of him, so Pure Vanilla cautiously opens his eyes to check the surroundings.
He finds himself in the library of Blueberry Yogurt Academy, and nostalgia eagerly rears its head within him, somewhat surprised. He's stood beside a littered table, surrounded by the deep blue bookshelves of his youth and the comforting smell of aged paper. The details blur a little past that, some of the shelves lighter, more like the bookshelves in his chambers in the Vanilla Kingdom, leaving it less like a perfect replica and more like a collage made out of bits and pieces of his lifetimes' worth of memories, but it is mostly the Blueberry Yogurt library.
Shadow Milk is across the table from him, tutting when Pure Vanilla takes too long to reply. He leans his elbows on the table, propping his chin on the bridge of his linked fingers. "Sneaky, silly-Vanilly, trying to use me to get out of your funny little nightmares. Very, very sneaky."
"It worked, didn't it?" Pure Vanilla says, a bit stiffly, because that had never been his main intention, mostly because Shadow Milk isn't nice enough for him to think it would work. No, his main intention is genuine curiosity, and that is exactly why he continues to prod. "...You didn't answer my question."
"Because it's a stupid one." Shadow Milk hums back, tilting his head to the side. He tilts it far enough that his cheek is now resting against his hands instead of his chin. "You should be able to figure that out yourself. Didn't I already tell you where my home is?"
Pure Vanilla doesn't answer for a moment, laying a tentative hand on the edge of the table as he tries to squint at the papers across its surface in the dim lamplight. It takes him a second to realise that they're all forbidden texts on Dark Moon Magic, and when he does, he murmurs back. "It's better to clarify than assume, isn't it?"
This time, Shadow Milk is the one who doesn't answer for a moment, instead staring at him with those piercing eyes. Pure Vanilla can feel more around him, behind him, lurking in the shadows pooling in the nooks and crevices and he can't help it – he shivers slightly.
That reaction must be enough for Shadow Milk, because he snorts, and pushes off the table to lean back, kicking his feet up onto the table and right on top of texts, which is already enough to make Pure Vanilla wince. Poor library etiquette aside, the movement is horribly uncanny to watch, partly because he is leaning back onto thin air instead of a chair, partly because he moves so quickly it's like his limbs snap into place, and partly because his smile is stretched far too thin as he does so.
"Of course I did. I'm very talented, you know." Shadow Milk announces smugly, his eyes never leaving him. They narrow slightly, all of them in suspicious synchronisation, and he raises his eyebrows expectantly. "But I must admit, I am crumbling to know why you brought it up."
Whys are always difficult to answer, especially for something as difficult as motives, which can morph and change over time. Pure Vanilla hates lying, but he hates lying in front of Shadow Milk even more, because he seems to recognise every single one and Pure Vanilla doesn't want to give him the satisfaction.
But he really can't admit the core of the matter to his face. He can't admit that ever since he glimpsed the ghost of Shadow Milk's past, he hasn't been able to stop thinking about it. He can't admit that he is actively trying to glimpse it again, and what better way to try and draw it out than with any scholar's pride and joy – their work?
"It's impressive. I, myself, have mastered White Magic over the years, and I certainly contributed to its development, but I cannot claim that I created it as a school of magic." Pure Vanilla explains instead, and it isn't a lie either, just lacking all the details. He fidgets a bit, tugging at his own sleeves, adding quieter. "Dark Moon Magic is forbidden too, so there aren't many detailed sources left on it. I want to know more about its founding."
I want to know more about you.
There is another lapse of silence, and Pure Vanilla is tense with tentative hope. After all, if Shadow Milk was really against the topic altogether, he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of plucking him out of his nightmares.
Shadow Milk's smile is sharp like a knife, clashing with the casual way he folds his arms behind his head, almost languid as he finally muses. "Oh, really? That doesn't sound right. I'm sure there's enough details lying around to get the gist of it. After all, you've used Dark Moon Magic before, so you must know something about it already."
Pure Vanilla flinches back, and it isn't a surprise that he knows about that too, not anymore, but it still leaves him with unstable footing. Regardless, he doesn't let that scare him off the topic, which he suspects is exactly why Shadow Milk said it. "...I've only really used it once, and I don't remember much about what happened. So I may know something, but that something is rather little."
It's a confession, and the truth. His brief tangle with Dark Moon Magic is a complete blur in his own mind, watered down to blinding sensations and a heartache so intense he had felt like he was crumbling. Theoretically, he knows enough about Dark Moon Magic to hold a conversation, but he remembers nothing about it in practise.
"You know who could help you with that?" Shadow Milk asks, seemingly unbothered, but the words curl with open mockery and a smirk. He tilts his head back slightly so he can look down on Pure Vanilla and throws his arms out dramatically. "Our beloved, newly coronated Guardian! She has plenty of experience with–"
Pure Vanilla's heart lurches painfully.
"Don't talk about her!" He interrupts, voice bursting out louder than he expected and panic fluttery in his chest. He doesn't want to hear him tear at her old wounds, even if she can't hear it herself. He knows how vulnerable that cry makes him seem though, and he fumbles to lower his voice to something softer, less shaky. "Don't– please, I'm asking you for a reason."
Shadow Milk giggles, a strange grating sound that climbs higher with each breath, until he is laughing in earnest. He curls into himself, arms wrapped around his middle, and the position looks painful with his feet still planted on the table. Pure Vanilla watches him warily, a little shaken by the mention of White Lily, and wonders if maybe, he was wrong about what he thought he saw in Shadow Milk. He has been seeing more things that aren't there, recently.
His laughter stops abruptly. The stillness that follows is jarring, but doesn't last long.
Slowly – so slowly that it is unnerving, for someone who typically moves as erratically as him – Shadow Milk reaches forward with one hand and plucks a scroll up from the table. He unrolls it with a lazy flick of his wrist, the other end tumbling away over the edge of the table and across the floor. It is a smooth movement, Pure Vanilla notes through the pounding of his heart and his scrambled nerves, a practised motion that speaks of thousands of opened scrolls.
Shadow Milk peers over at the contents of the scroll with an empty, disinterested expression, his legs melting through the table until he appears to be sitting somewhat politely again. The sudden switch to this from his near hysterical laughter leaves Pure Vanilla disturbed, unsure if this is progress or not.
"I wanted to strike a balance between Black and White Magic." Shadow Milk says, his voice a disconcertingly low murmur, almost monotone. While his main eyes remain steadily on the scroll, the rest are eagerly burrowing into Pure Vanilla from all sides. "Black Magic draws from the void, making it unpredictable and destructive by nature, but full of potential. White Magic draws from the moon, primarily, and other celestial sources, making it safer and easier to use, but limited in its purity. If I could find the middle ground, I could harness magic with more flexibility and power but less unpredictability."
Shadow Milk pauses then, his eyes sliding up to stare right at Pure Vanilla, and his lips quirk upwards. When he speaks again, his voice gains a little more character but remains mainly flat, like a poorly-delivered theatrical monologue. "The dark side of the moon was the obvious choice for a source of that kind of power, because it's the natural overlap between the moon and the void. Once you figure out a source for magic, it's simple to find a way to draw from it, and to make it simpler, I had access to the knowledge of the Witches at my fingertips. All I had to do was write everything down, and the school of Dark Moon Magic was born. Easy-peasy!"
Shadow Milk throws the scroll to the side with little fanfare, not even sparing a glance at those ancient texts as they land in a heap of old paper on the floor, uncaring of if they damage or rip. And why would he? They both know this is a dream, and even if it wasn't, he had written that scroll himself.
Pure Vanilla would have cared, dream or not, if he wasn't wholly distracted, reduced to only a wide-eyed blink.
Because Shadow Milk may feign a bored face and voice, as if reading off a report or a particularly uninspiring script, but when their gazes meet, his eyes glitter like shooting stars, sparking with pride and passion and something else.
It captivates Pure Vanilla, the very same shine that comes with a breakthrough for every researcher. It is exactly what he had been hoping to see again, but the sight still leaves him feeling unmoored, even if pleasantly. Intruige and hope swirl within him, and he suddenly finds himself desperate to hold onto this ghost of the past, to make it stay longer and help it spill into the present.
"What does it feel like?" The question comes out before Pure Vanilla can think it through, focused on continuing the conversation before Shadow Milk can pick up his showmanship again in full. "Dark Moon Magic, I mean."
Shadow Milk huffs, a playful grin settling on his face again, and a sickening mix of dread and disappointment trickles through Pure Vanilla as he watches him lean over, crushing more texts beneath his palms. For a scary moment, he expects him to make another quip towards his previous use of the magic, or worse, bring up White Lily again.
He doesn't. Shadow Milk kicks his legs up behind him, so that he is laying on his stomach in mid-air, and cheerfully asks, "How about I show you?"
He doesn't wait for Pure Vanilla to process what he said, let alone reply. He reaches out and ensnares Pure Vanilla's hand, the one normally occupied with his staff, and laces their fingers together. Pure Vanilla doesn't reciprocate the hold, surprised, but only tries a small unsuccessful tug in response.
Shadow Milk's grip is an oppressive pressure, tight but not quite painful. He presses their palms together firmly, and Pure Vanilla gasps.
Magic bursts through the contact, rushing through his jam in a dizzying, warm flood. It is thicker, heavier than the magic Pure Vanilla is used to, thrumming and twisting as if it has a mind of its own, almost scratching at his dough as if trying to consume him, and he can't even concentrate on it because– because–
He can see everything.
Pure Vanilla really, truly can. He can see Shadow Milk's curling smile in front of him, he can see the Faeries having a feast, he can see Black Raisin greeting the moon from one of the Vanilla Castle's towers, he can see Dark Cacao striding through the citadel, he can see White Lily going through her morning routine, he can see his own sleeping body, and places and Cookies he doesn't have the presence of mind to recognise, all simultaneously. He doesn't know what to focus on, doesn't even know how to focus on anything, and his head hurts like it is falling apart.
This is how Shadow Milk has been watching me, he thinks deliriously, the only thought he can manage as he drowns in his sights.
And then, in a snap, he is back in the library with only one scene to see. His vision swims a little at the edges as if it didn't get the message, and he wobbles in place.
Shadow Milk is still holding his hand, but the grip is slightly looser, and the stream of his Dark Moon Magic is gone like a whisper. His grin is sinister and too big for his face, but his eyes still burn like stars.
"Fun, isn't it?" Shadow Milk coos, giddy like it is a shared secret, lifting Pure Vanilla's trembling hand and brushing a kiss to the back that buzzes with Dark Moon Magic. "My very first masterpiece."
Pure Vanilla wakes up disoriented, with a ringing headache and an itch in the back of his hand. White Lily notices his poor state almost immediately when she sees him – wonderful as she is – and she asks if he had a nightmare with that gentle, concerned slope to her brows.
Pure Vanilla adjusts his grip on his staff, leaning against it more than usual.
"No." He assures her lightly, not quite the truth and not quite a lie.
[next]
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When you're a small child, your abusive parents seem omnipotent to you. They are the highest authority you've known, they know everything and can do anything, mostly including hurting you if you don't do as you are told. They make you believe that they can read your mind and know your thoughts, and that they're impossible to escape from, they'll follow you to the ends of earth and drag you back into their house.
It's normal for small children, with no point of reference, to believe their parents omnipotent, but as they grow up, learn how things work in life, find references to how children are made and raised and what parents are responsible for - they grow out of it. They start to understand the limitations of parents, and often make use of them. They know that parents can't do or know everything, they can keep secrets, tell their little white lies, and they're not intimidated by parents because parents are not a threat to them, but figures of care and safety, people who they can go to when they're in trouble or in need of safety.
Abusive parents, however, work very hard to carry that imposing, omnipotent, oppressive illusion of them deep into adulthood. They will insist that neither you nor any authority or law can control or stop them, if they've decided on something. They'll show you by example, by manipulating people around them, sometimes even people of authority, that no matter what, they'll get their way. They'll want you to feel helpless, powerless and isolated whenever you want to oppose them. They'll manipulate your own point of view, and insist you have to see them in positive light, or else. They'll convince you that even thoughts that they don't approve of, are a sin, and that you could be punished for it. That there's nowhere to run, nobody who would believe you or help you, that you have no other choice but to submit to their will.
They wouldn't be able to impose such illusion on anyone except a child, and then the adult they've been grooming from very early age to believe these things to be eternal truths that cannot be questioned. And this is a part of what makes abusive parents so terrifying; they can go above some authority with the power of manipulation, they can lie their way out of crimes, they can gaslight and convince their victims it's their fault or it didn't happen, they regularly do and get away with this. Anyone watching that unfolding would be in trepidation of them, and hyper-aware of how dangerous these individuals are.
But, they are not omnipotent. They do not know what anyone is thinking. They do not know things outside their little bubble. If you go to a location they don't know of, and nobody can tell them, they cannot find out. They cannot predict your thoughts or actions as well as they try to convince you they can. They cannot change reality, they cannot erase what happened, and they cannot keep you imprisoned against your will your whole life. It is pretty hard on them, actually, to try and keep controlling an adult who has a mind of their own - that's why they're putting so much energy into trying to make their children into people without any thoughts of their own. But that's impossible.
Think about all the times they're really flying into rage, yelling and screaming and convincing you that something is right or wrong for you. How hard they go at changing your mind when you're thinking something that doesn't go to their benefit. Lot of effort on their part just to change your train of thoughts, isn't it? But if they were omnipotent, your thoughts would be no threat to them. If you were simply 'wrong', why would it even matter? An omnipotent being would simply shrug and not care.
They work extremely hard to change what's in your mind, because that's the only way they can keep that illusion of goodness and omnipotence. If you're allowed to think for yourself, to make your own conclusions, to believe your senses and point out what is logical, then their entire charade falls into nothing, it becomes obvious they're nothing but skilled liars and their power of manipulation is how they maintain everything else in life. It also becomes obvious how cruel and immoral their lies are, and how much damage they do to everyone around them.
They don't want you to see the limits because the limits show they're only good at terrifying and brainwashing children, not anything beyond that. You can get away from them to a place they can't follow. You can escape their cruelty and mind control. You can gain freedom. Your thoughts can be your own. You are allowed and able of keeping secrets from them. You can withhold information and opinions from them. You can lie to them. You can deceive them and trick them in order to get away. They have no legal right to you. You do not owe them anything. Their power ends the second they can't find or contact you.
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⋆₊⋆⁺₊⋆⁺𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒₊⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊
☾✩₊⋆and their spiritual meanings⁺⋆✩☽
Colour is, by dictionary definition, the frequency of light of which an object reflects. Although, To many spiritualist, we are all beings of light, which is why color brings great significance into our lives. It is possible that your favorite colour can say something about you, what you need in life, the type of people or environments you are naturally drawn to. Colour can represent many things in life, so today I will primarily be focusing on the personality, emotions, and spiritual messages each colour represents.
Thank you!!!
I hope you enjoy <3
🥀Red🍷
✫ Red is primal color, in most cultures it represents life
✫ Red may symbolize strength, passion, love, anger, danger or power
✫ Red is associated with the Root Chakra (Representing safety, security, and stability)
✫ In Tarot, red is symbolic for power, authority, boldness, confidence, passion, leadership and strength
✫ When practicing your craft you can use a red candle to connect to your body, grounding, aligning yourself with your purpose, drawing in passion, self love and acceptance
✫ Red crystals can be used for motivation, inner strength, passion, drive, tenacity, and romance.
🍁Orange💥
✫ Orange is a sacred, communal and warm colour in many different cultures
✫ Orange is symbolic for optimism, joy, vitality, community, balance, energy, and enthusiasm
✫ Orange is associated with the Sacral Chakra (Represents creativity, sexuality, and intimacy)
✫ In Tarot, orange represents will power, courage, vitality and jealousy
✫ When practice your craft you can use an orange candle to attract friendships, respect, embrace sexuality, enhance creativity and connect to your inner child
✫ Orange crystals can help with your confidence, courage, vitality, embracing joy and playfulness, creative endeavors, or inner child healing.
🐤Yellow⭐️
✫ Yellow represents happiness (duh), life, communication and success in many different cultures
✫ Yellow is symbolic for hope, spontaneity, curiosity, focus, cheer, intellect and hazards
✫ Yellow is associated with the Solar Plexus Chakra (Represents self worth, will power, & responsibility)
✫ In Tarot yellow is symbolic for wisdom, confidence, hardship, hope, and timidty
✫ When practicing your craft you can use a yellow candle to manifest self confidence, obtaining will power, belief in self, courage, focus, intelligence, and knowledge
✫ You can use yellow crystals to help you be alert, have energy, balance, focus, confidence, self consciousness, optimism, warmth, and clarity
🎍Green🍀
✫In many cultures green represents harmony, rehabilitation, growth, change and abundance
✫ Green is symbolic for health, life, nature, envy, luck, money, renewal, freedom and tranquility
✫ Green is associated with the Heart Chakra (Representing love, self love and relationships)
✫ In Tarot, green represents youth, sentimentality, nature, adventure, growth, and health
✫ When practicing your craft you can use a green candle to connect to Earth, the seasons, open your heart, draw in abundance, attract luck, blessings,and good health
✫ Use green crystals to invoke spiritual transformation, attract lucky opportunities, align with prosperity, fertility, independence, and freedom
🌀Blue🌧️
✫ Blue represents calmness, spirituality, authority and peace, globally
✫ Blue is symbolic for emotions, serenity, peace, calm, trust, relaxation, sadness, grief, and fatigue
✫ Blue is associated with the Throat Chakra (Represents communication, speach, expression)
✫ In Tarot, blue represents emotions, imagination, sensitivity, memories, sentimentality and expansiveness
✫ When practicing your craft you can use a blue candle to bring clarity, reveal the truth, help with honesty, inner peace and calm, emotional peace, fulfillment and awareness
✫ Blue crystals can help you have more confidence in your voice, communication skills, bring clarity, connect to your emotions, patience, or attract peace and calm
☂️Violet🔮
(I'm using violet as purple)
✫Violet/purple reprsents royalty, spirituality, art, mystery, magic, luxury and wealth around the world
✫ Violet is symbolic for imagination, wealth, uniqueness, creativity, spirituality, intuition, mysticism, and arrogance
✫ Violet is Associated with the Third Eye Chakra (Represents intuition, sense of purpose and direction)
✫ In Tarot, violet means high ideals, communion, spirituality, devotion and peace
✫ When practicing your craft you can use violet candles to manifest inspiration, deepen intuition or psychic abilities, enhance connection to the universe or higher power
✫ Violet crystals can be used for dream work, astral projection, meditation, divination practices (Tarot, divinative astrology, etc), and creative inspiration.
🌸Pink🎀
✫ Around the world pink represents kindness, love, innocence, playful and beauty
✫ Pink represents compassion, innocence, sympathy, comforts, passivity, affection, and delicacy
✫ Pink is associated with the Crown Chakra (Represents connection to the divine, spiritual knowledge, and self realization)
✫ In Tarot, pink can be indicative of sensitivity, sorrow, friendship, forgiveness, and unconditional love
✫ When practicing your craft you can use pink candles to attract divine, unconditional love, beauty, kindness, forgiveness, gratitude, and connection to the collective
✫ You can use pink crystals to tap into your sensitivity, compassion, unconditional love, practice kindness, care, sympathy, trust, and faith
Fin
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate connecting with everyone on here and everyone who takes the time to read my work :)
Sending light and love,
Kya
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