#queer muslim experiences

[queer-muslim-culture-is]

does anyone relate to me as a queer muslim?

Just wanted to put a disclaimer that I personally am not acting on it but I did find a way to reconcile my queer identity and religion <3

I grew up mostly thinking I was straight but in my teens I didn't label with heterosexuality anymore. I was never really passionate about queer activism but I recall being uncomfortable with homophobia at masjid and gatherings but I never thought about it too much until may 2022

That is May 27 2022 to be specific, the stranger things release date. Im not going off topic lol I promise. So basically I converted from being a mileven shipper to a byler shipper after watching. This was when my queer religious crisis started. I loved Mike and Wills relationship and I thought it was so beautiful from the way they treat each other. I was reading fanfics, watching edits, reading analysis 24/7. How could it be wrong

I knew that the logic with ''Sinful'' actions is that even though you desire benefits coming from it, and you intend good things to come out of it, the reason why its a sin is because unseen harmful effects come out of it even though that's not what we intend. ''But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.'' I could deal with the fact that queer actions were forbidden cause that meant you don't hate the sinner or the ''Sin'' but only the fact that your action has ''harmful unseen/unknown affect'' that you just have to trust in God that its there and that he would only make harmful things forbidden. For example: Promiscuity is a sinful behavior in islam, and God considers it disgusting because it is harmful, but in Jannah all the harmful effects of your desires are removed, this explains why alcohol and hoor al ayn, music etc exist in Jannah. So can I act on my queer desires in Jannah? I made the horrible mistake of going to cishet people with this question and obviously they said NO. I was so fucking pissed and mad and I felt guilty for being mad because it felt like I was questioning Allah. But mostly I was hurt because God is not who I thought he was and I felt ignored, betrayed, neglected, and I took the queerphobia as my image of God. It just made me even more pissed off when people said '' you will get something better'' why can't I get what i asked for and be treated normally like everyone else with their forbidden desires? After suffering an entire lifetime of homophobia and abstinence, God wants to brush this issue under the rug and ignore it even though it becomes a part of who a person is, where is the justice?? At that point I felt like if I couldn't get queer liberation in the next life for myself I would want it for someone else and I would fight for it. I had mercy in my heart for queer people. So this does not make sense cuz GOD IS THE MOST MERCIFUL, more merciful that any lgbtq+ activist on this earth, so God surely must out mercy me

I went through a religious crisis period for 6 months just constantly soaking up all the queerphobic media online from muslims. I felt sick reading all of it and I felt my heart drop. Why do muslims deny that queerness is not a choice. Why do these scholars have rights to speak on issues they've never experienced. How can a person tell another person how they feel. How can you deny centuries of queer people and why do some muslims make fun of queer people, hate us, think were disgusting etc. I really never felt any righteousness or respect from these people yet they say ''respect not support'' tf? I started getting depressed, failing in school because I took these people and modeled my image of Allah based on them. Why wont I get what I want in this life or the next? So my love was considered ''disgusting'' for no reason.

Then months later, everything changed. I started talking to God everyday and treated him like my therapist and I vented out all the pain of queerphobia. I did scientific research on queerness and found out that is generally innate/unchangeable and internalized homophobia turned into anger towards queerphobic people. I was just crying out to Allah wishing that Queer Love could be honored and respected one day and that slowly, naturally it turned into me making dua to Allah that queer people could act on it in Jannah. I for some reason thought it would be more acceptable to ask for queer relations without the sexual aspect lmfao my puritarian era. So anyways I slowly started making Dua to Allah often and asked all the time for queer liberation in the next life and for people I knew in real life, online, my moots, queer muslims who passed away etc. I turned the anger of queerphobia into calling out to Allah to ask for liberation for the queer ummah. I eventually also asked for the sexual aspects as well lmfao. I remember one day I prayed tahajjud and asked Allah for queer people to be with their lovers in the next life and to be themselves (gender identity) and I asked for a sign. I even talked to Allah about my love for byler lmfao dont judge me ok I was crying my ass off at the van scene where Will confessed to Mike. So anyways the ''Sign'' as I saw one day I was cleaning my room and read a book that said that Allah would never guide a person to make a dua if he didn't want to answer it. I was shook and long story short I learned that God is what you make of him and you must trust God when you make dua to him. Another Sign I saw was that I was a video literally explaining this concept in a tik tok another time after I made tahajjud and asked for the same thing again.

My perception of God has fundamentally changed and I am so grateful. Byler endgame 2024 <3

im just gonna quickly note that this blog *does* support acting on your queer attraction and i, as the mod, have multiple partners. i choose to interpret the stories that supposedly ban queerness otherwise (some of these interpretations are or will be shared in #resources) and that any harm that comes from it can either be mitigated (safe sex practices) or is the result of bigotry

but thank you for sharing your experience anon. genuinely happy that you managed to reconcile both with yourself and Allah :]

and hey, i get what you mean abt the fanfiction part skdfjh ! some of my earliest experiences w queerness were reading queer fics on ao3 and feeling,,, something. something i couldnt quite identify till years later. fics exposed me to queer romance, helped me come to terms with my allosexuality, and even helped me experiment with my gender in a way. i owe a lot to fic writers

[melandrops]

hollywood could never top the casual but meaningful representation that horror fiction podcasts have

[delayshay]

God, I love the queer muslims on here, especially those who reverted and choose it. Y'alls faith fills me with faith and y'alls steadfastness fills with with steadfastness. Y'alls love for God fills me with love for God. Above all tho, they remind me that I'm not alone in my love, devotion, and hope.

[indigosabyss]

I'm a fast writer, I swear. I've only been working on my manuscript for- *checks notes* four years now. Fuck.

[frailscholar]

I am kinda new to posting here. I was wondering if people would be interested in my trans femme friend's queer trans femme superhero comic!

I'm Lebanese myself and my friend is Iranian. Queer SWANAS don't get much representation, and we're trying to change that by works written by people like us. The comic is called Kobra Olympus. The first issue is out on amazon. I am a novice translator and I volunteered to translate it to Arabic and we made that version available for free.

Personally I don't know if this post will get any notes or it'll sink into the void but I thought I'd try 🫡

[blackasmyhangryfurrybrokensoul]

I feel like even though I was born female, I can’t BE a girl no matter how much I want it or how much I try. There’s this external pressure and internal desire but my physical body can’t satisfy those. I feel like if a male who wanted to be female was born as a female but not in the ways that would affirm their female gender identity. I was handed the body but the body doesn’t match what society wants or expects, or what I wanted and expected. For better or worse, I have one of the possible ideal androgynous-looking bodies. Sometimes it’s a treasure and sometimes its a pain. I don’t ever see people that NATURALLY look like me. It’s either diets or surgery or they’re still kids or they’re tiny amab people. I’m tired of only seeing myself in amab queers. I want people I relate to but I can’t find them. I want to see afab girls with flat chests and body hair and not-dainty hands and an adams apple and low voice and masculine stance and no curves and still be very much girls or perceived as girls. 

[im-pretending-imthere-already]

waiting for a dead line

No one told me I would be living my life waiting for the due date. Summers pass and tress blend into wrinkled yellows and passionate reds. Winters blow the bears to sleep and sprinkle the soft grass white. Blue skies become grey and fade into purples that I can’t forgive. The birds sing the mornings alive, roses bloom but I didn’t deserve this. White walls grow dirty with time, pencil itched into the wall years ago, I was young.

The first time I saw snow. I was young. I felt my fingertips tingle into a numbness. I was young when I sat beside my cousin mesmerised by the growing hills. I was young when we drank the warm hot chocolate, and felt it slither down our throats in contrast to the cold that folded and bent below us. I was young. I was young when he beat me right in front of my mother. That snow is long gone, it melted into lush grass and seeped into roots, bloomed into the yellow flowers that border fences and daisies and roses and the occasional berry bush that makes you happy when you find it.

I always wondered how many more stars would litter the night sky if we all turned our lights off. If the globe went silent for a minute and we all lifted our heads and just simply, observed. I often found comfort in the few stars that glistened in the night sky. Maybe the Greeks were right, maybe they could hear me, help me. The sky is so beautiful as it looks down on us, so deep and blue, black as it clings onto the edges of the globe. The same sky I stared into when he promised he’d kill me. The same sky that I stared into on the train ride back from school. The same sky I stared into that one new year. The same sky that grows bright in the morning and blends into pinks and bloodied reds and dusty oranges in the evenings. The same sky I share with everyone else.

The world is beautiful when it is not ticking. Waters are calmer when they aren’t fighting to be pushed. Fires blow calmly when they aren’t hungry. The beach is beautiful, I know that, despite only seeing it 3 times. But I often imagine how warm the waves would be if I weren’t tied to the sand. The city is full of art, walls full of colour, people that tie ribbons into pretty shapes and guitars tuned to perfection. But I can never dance. I can only smile at the small joy of listening to its notes and sneaking five dollars into a pretty red hat. I think I like the world. But the world doesn’t like me. 

[sitaarein]

Y'all ever just. Feel like complete frauds?

[islanddboyy]

i don’t wanna make generalisations but why is it that only white people use slurs against me. like how do i explain it. everyone regardless of country and culture has the ability to be bigoted. and i also only know the slurs in english form. but like come on. istg anytime someone has called me a fag, tranny, lesbian and gay (all in the derogatory manner) they’ve been white kids or people heavily influenced by the west. like the kid who’s british that called me a tranny i get, he’s british. but the kid who called me a lesbian for years did so because of his obsession with the inbetweeners. again, don’t wanna make generalisations because everyone can be bigoted, but like what is up with the west and being massive dickheads.

[queer-muslim-culture-is]

whenever i came out to my friends most of the just hugged me for a while telling me that they can never hate me and ill never change in their eyes its honestly been so nice being open abt my sexuality with my friends (telling this as a muslim with all of my friends being muslim too)

.

[mysweetsinfulobsessions]

HIJAB BUTCH BLUES by LAMYA H.

Alright, changing it up a bit with my book stuff but this one hit home with me. The author draws very interesting parallels between stories in the Quran and her experiences as a gay muslim woman that are very interesting. And if you think you can’t be muslim and gay, or wear a hijab and be gay, or even tackle muslim culture and queerness in one, then you’re bound to be pleasantly proved wrong with this one.

[makingqueerhistory]

Hijab Butch Blues: A Memoir

Lamya H

When fourteen-year-old Lamya H realizes she has a crush on her teacher--her female teacher--she covers up her attraction, an attraction she can't yet name, by playing up her roles as overachiever and class clown. Born in South Asia, she moved to the Middle East at a young age and has spent years feeling out of place, like her own desires and dreams don't matter, and it's easier to hide in plain sight. To disappear. But one day in Quran class, she reads a passage about Maryam that changes everything: When Maryam learned that she was pregnant, she insisted no man had touched her. Could Maryam, uninterested in men, be . . . like Lamya? From that moment on, Lamya makes sense of her struggles and triumphs by comparing her experiences with some of the most famous stories in the Quran. She juxtaposes her coming out with Musa liberating his people from the pharoah; asks if Allah, who is neither male nor female, might instead be nonbinary; and, drawing on the faith and hope Nuh needed to construct his ark, begins to build a life of her own--ultimately finding that the answer to her lifelong quest for community and belonging lies in owning her identity as a queer, devout Muslim immigrant. This searingly intimate memoir in essays, spanning Lamya's childhood to her arrival in the United States for college through early-adult life in New York City, tells a universal story of courage, trust, and love, celebrating what it means to be a seeker and an architect of one's own life.

(Affiliate link above)

[itgetsbetterproject]

📚 QUEERBOOK 2024 is hereee! We made a book by and for LGBTQ+ youth! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Last year, we asked LGBTQ+ youth: what's your idea of a "queer utopia?"

Not gonna lie - with more than 150 bills introduced in 35 states in 2023 that aimed to restrict student access to inclusive and diverse books and other library materials, the theme felt pretty radical.

And you DELIVERED. With the help of our Youth Voices (amazing queer youth activists from across the country), we compiled your amazing submissions of poetry, short essays and letters, visual art, photography, and more into Queerbook 2024. Like a yearbook, it captures what queer youth are feeling, going through, and hoping for - right here, right now across the U.S.

It's also no accident that it's the perfect small-ish size to stash in your locker or backpack so you can crack it open any time you're looking for some queer connection. :3

Read some more about the book and grab your own limited-run copy of Queerbook 2024 now here.

[violexides]

9/11 [handshake] holy fucking bingle: 

people (especially white queer people) diverting a conversation about America’s Islamophobia and racism to instead make jokes & center their own struggles in a dialogue that is distinctly not about them. 

like i have found the sheer comedy of “holy fucking bingle” and “i stay silly :3″ extremely funny, and i think there is a lot of conversation to be had about exclusionist discourse, 

but i think there is a strong LACK of conversation about the Islamophobia and the racism that is prevalent in the TSA. with 9/11 people tend to joke about it in a way to be like a “gotcha nationalists!” but the people making those jokes are majority non-Arab, non-Muslim, non-Middle-Eastern, just unrelated people making light out of an event that has killed and harmed and affected millions of people. me included. 

it shouldn’t feel like a constant fight to get people to fucking listen to Muslims Arabs & Middle-Easterners when we talk about our struggles in this country. however I feel like especially in the queer community, a lot of people would rather talk about their experiences with homophobia than address any of the biases and stigma they uphold against us. 

look i am not going to shame people for laughing at holy fucking bingle, i don’t think that’s the point here. but i need people to care about the Islamophobia of this country. I need people who aren’t Muslims to think about why they feel as if Islamophobic policies hurt them more than actual Muslims, why they hide behind their own marginalized identity to shield the fact that they have Islamophobic and racist beliefs, etc. 

i’m tired of knowing that literal children are on the No Fly List and people are ignoring it to talk about exclusionism. honestly. 

[moonpils]

i will never understand being given a psychologist of the same ethnicity, culture, and religion

[uthseikoashx-goingmyway]

things in IWTV season 2 i'd lose my mind if it actually happens (or when. because some of those things will happen.). sorry for the mistakes btw

1. Claudeleine romantic relationship

Claudia finally having a vampire lover she can be herself with. the romantic & sexual tension. the heart to heart Louis and Claudia would have before changing Madeleine. the yearning. the tragic ending. the change of dynamics in the De Pointe du Lac family. the disruption of it all.

2. an exploration of Armand's relationship to religion, faith and God

specially in 2022. past religious crisis. how he articulates his vampire nature, his faith and his despair. lots of hints of TVA. God and art. religion, Armand and Louis. his religion (conversion from being christian to being muslim in this universe? if so, why?). "i serve, a God," would you mind to develop?

3. dramatic irony about Daniel's past and Devil's Minion

the rent boy. Daniel actually realising he had been a dick about that. "oh." after understanding the irony of it all. Armand talking in riddles and hinting at something Daniel is totally ignorant of. young Daniel's life and messy, loving and weird relationship with Armand. some activism. 2022 Daniel getting old, sicker and sicker. laughs. angst. tension. yearning. longing stares. petty remarks. revelations.

4. Loumand complex relationship

the love and the suffering. how they are both deeply attached to each other. how they show their care. the place Lestat holds right in the middle. how they deal with Claudia's death. what Louis really thinks about it. the tension. the yearning. how their relationship actually developed. the extent of Louis' memory alteration and how it plays a role into their dynamics. the after: how Armand helped Louis. messy divorce vibes. petty moves. to what extent their relationship is doomed. how one person can love several persons and in different ways, and how complex and delicate it is.

5. The Groan™

what is that. a metaphor for sexual arousal? Lestat scratching the walls? Rashid trapped? some clues. what the fuck.

6. Antoinette alive and kicking

and coming back right on time for the trial, because it would be 1) so fucking funny 2) utterly tragic, considering Claudia would be killed for killing nobody.

7. amazing outfits

amazing outfits

8. lots of french

i'm french

9. Claudia and Armand's relationship

Claudia being protective of Louis. Armand dealing with it. some sort of bond rivalry. both of them aware that something's wrong with the other. Armand and Claudia's similarities being acknowledged (age, killing a human they loved — Charlie, Ricardo — and complex situation regarding their maker), even a possibility for some kind of understanding and compassion (making the end more tragic). Armand seeing a some of Lestat in Claudia. Claudia seeing Armand's love for Lestat. a common love for theater and spectacular shows. that awful experience before Claudia's death.

10. Louis and memories

the photos he takes (where are they in 2022? will they clash with Louis' tale?). the metatextual dimension of themes such as: unreliable narration, memories and perspective, autofiction. Daniel calling out Louis' avoiding strategies. Louis calling out Daniel's rudeness and biais. how Louis really sees his relationship with Claudia? the gap between Louis' and Armand's recalling. a deeper exploration of his superimposed identities (black, queer, american man; in 1940, 1973, 2022). learning how to trust someone new after being abused. the rain metaphors. Louis saying the most poetic and heartbreaking thing you'll ever heard. his relationship to vampirism as he joins Armand's coven. grief and loss of a family member. hallucinations and how they are filmed / manifesting. guilt. loving Claudia and Armand. loving Lestat, still. etc.

tysm for coming to my tedtalk. it was very self-indulgent but very much pleasant. i won't be mad if it doesn't happen (obviously!), or not like i imagine. still, it's fun to imagine and put that here on tumblr. no shame on lestat, i just have no special things i'm waiting for about him, and will be very happy indeed to see him again. salut

[decolonize-the-left]

Idk if any of y'all saw this video yet, but rn there's a tik tok going viral of of this white woman who confronted her parents bigotry on Christmas and got sent home. She's an upset mess about but not in a white savior/validate me way which I can respect.

And as always I have something to say about it.

So she says she starts a war after she reminds her parents that people are people and that she

"probably shouldn't have said anything to begin with because there's no point"

And I've seen this sentiment of "there's no point" a LOT among allies. Not just white allies to BIPOC either but with allies across the board, queer allies, ND allies, etc.

To clarify by "that sentiment" I mean the idea that your personal effort to correct, inform, or speak up on an issue is not Worth it unless it will cause a Change in the person/people you're addressing that You will be able to see reflected. Because if they won't change then you're just putting up with their vitriol, hostility, and ignorance for nothing, right? And why put up with that for nothing. You're a person with feelings and limited patience so if you're gonna experience something awful, it should be for something, right? Especially if it's someone you have to put up with see regularly like your parents.

And besties...

The point is trying. The point is challenging bigotry and ignorance wherever it exists. The point is to show bigots that their ignorance isn't tolerable. It's to show them that their bigotry isn't tolerable. And as many times as they will be harmful, you will rise to meet their challenge.

The point is to challenge bigotry because it is bigotry and there's no room for it in the future we're building.

And as awful as it feels to have your family disown, belittle, and berate you there are So Many people going through this. BIPOC, immigrants, queer folk, Muslims, etc. We know what it's like to have people who should love you treat you badly, what it's like to lose community and support. You're not alone in this feeling, you know?

But everyday we still talk to our families and communities and strangers online and we still challenge their bigotry and yeah it hurts sometimes but we do it anyway so the next generation of our community won't have to.

Because they may not be here yet but we are.

In my tribe we have this concept of 7 generations being deeply significant. Part of that belief is that you and your choices will impact the next 7 generations of your descendants. And I want to be a good ancestor. Not just to the generations of my family that don't exist yet but to yours too.

I want to be a good ancestor to family I'll never meet and the friends I'll never get to drink with.

To queer kids that never had to answer to anyone for their love, to Muslim and Black boys who never had to be mindful of the toys they played outside with, to the loud brown girls who never felt out of place, to the disabled lady up the road who is the First and only voice her doctors listen to.....None of these people exist yet, but they will as long as I'm doing what I can for them today.

And absolutely everything I do is for them. It's for the future I won't get to see. For a world I'll never get to walk on. For laughter I'll never hear.

THATS THE POINT