#rather die for nothing than to kill just for your country

[windupaidoneus]

now some people may not like to hear it but even the worst people who exist are still people & there is no human being who has More right than others to decide whether others deserve to live or die (does not mean i personally condemn murder in self defense or anything of the sort or killing fascists or whatever i'm just saying as a baseline This Is How it Is) & this is why the death penalty is not a good thing no matter how good & trustworthy the people in any government might be. people on average also deserve the chance to learn to do better. & no, someone who's been forcefed propaganda their entire life will not let go of that deeply entrenched mindset so easily, it's not particularly unrealistic & it absolutely sucks to deal with but in the context of tangibly working toward world peace it's also not an issue to try & help such people both in material ways & in helping them learn better rather than cut them down or abandon them to a grim fate. all this to say that's why i don't think garlemald is written badly, as unpleasant as the experience might be. walks off the stage

[homunculus-argument]

Why are you Finns so miserable? From an outside perspective, as someone who lives in a country where our government has continuously failed us, your country seems to be nearly perfect. It seems like paradise.

I truly feel that most people living in my country would kill to live in one like yours. I would saw off my leg if it meant that I could have the guaranteed quality of life that you guys have.

So why are you guys so sad? Is it the cold? The lack of sunlight? I’m seriously at a loss here, because I feel like you guys really take your homeland for granted.

I have no idea. Being alive is simply an unpleasant obligation and a thankless duty that you owe to nobody in particular and gain nothing out of doing. I was literally born as an unpleasant obligation - my parents didn't like each other and they didn't like children, but they married each other and had two kids because that's what people are supposed to do. When we whined as kids about how we don't want to go to school, they'd just say "well I don't want to go to work, either, but unfortunately that's just what life is." Life consists of going places you don't want to go to do things you don't want to do.

My mother once told me that if I ever kill myself, she will go completely insane, just the way that my grandmother went insane when my aunt killed herself. I was like 15 at the time when she told me this, I had been three years old when the aforementioned aunt died. I had never known her, but I was raised with the understanding that the only reason to continue being alive is peer pressure. You don't get to die, you have to keep living because the people around you would be sad if you quit. It's a mutual hostage situation.

Back when the church had more power and death penatly was a thing, there were people who committed crimes that had a death penalty (or claimed to have committed them, depending on the crime) in order to get executed rather than simply commit suicide, because suicide was an unforgivable sin but if you were executed, you could still confess your sins before the final blow and die with hopes of going to heaven.

Finns aren't oblivious of how bad things are everywhere else, or how good we have it. That, too, is a source of misery. It's a whole country of "you have no reason to be sad, there are people out there with real problems" and being reminded that everything everywhere else is even more miserable than how we have it. That anyone else would be ready to kill or saw off their own leg to get to be here, and here we are squandering all this potential by sitting here like a miserable little piece of shit.

Frankly, I am baffled by the concept that there really are people who just genuinely, honestly, wholeheartedly want to live. Like as a preferrable option to having never been born at all. To me, finding happiness in life has always been a "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" sort of thing, finding silver linings out of the unfortunate matter that I happened to be born.

[calisources]

𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐘 (𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟒) 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒. all quotes and sentences were taken from the movie troy (2004). change locations, names and pronouns as you see fit. mentions of war and politics are included in this post.

 I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. 

Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now.

If they ever tell my story let them say that I walked with giants.

Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die. 

Let them say I lived in the time of Hector, tamer of horses. Let them say I lived in the time of Achilles.

You gave me peace in a lifetime of war.

You're still my enemy in the morning.

You're still my enemy tonight. But even enemies can show respect.

I have endured what no one on earth has endured before. I kissed the hands of the man who killed my son.

I know my country better than the Greeks, I think.

 You are a brave man. I could have your head on a spit in the blink of an eye.

 Do you really think death frightens me now? I watched my eldest son die, watched you drag his body behind your chariot.

Give him back to me. He deserves a proper burial, you know that. Give him to me.

How many cousins have you killed? How many sons and fathers and brothers and husbands? How many, brave Achilles?

I knew your father, he died before his time. But he was lucky not to live long enough to see his son fall.

War is young men dying and old men talking. You know this. Ignore the politics.

My brothers of the sword! I would rather fight beside you than any army of thousands! Let no man forget how menacing we are.

Do you know what's waiting beyond that beach? Immortality! Take it! It's yours!

 I chose nothing. I was born and this is what I am.

Imagine a king who fights his own battles. Wouldn't that be a sight?

Of all the warlords loved by the gods, I hate him the most.

Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity.

You say you're willing to die for love but you know nothing about dying and you know nothing about love!

Go home, prince. Drink some wine, make love to your wife. Tomorrow, we'll have our war.

Perhaps your brother can comfort them. I hear he's good at charming other men's wives.

You speak of war as if it's a game.

But how many wives wait at Troy's gates for husbands they'll never see again?

If you go to Troy, glory will be yours. 

And the world will remember your name. But if you go to Troy, you will never come back... for your glory walks hand-in-hand with your doom. And I shall never see you again.

 They say your mother was an immortal godess. They say you can't be killed.

You have your swords. I have my tricks. We play with the toys the gods give us.

All my life I've lived by a code and the code is simple: honor the gods, love your woman and defend your country.

Troy is mother to us all. Fight for her!

There are no pacts between lions and men.

Aren't you afraid?

 Everyone dies, whether today or fifty years from now.

If I don't, you'll kill more men.

At night I see their faces. All the men I've killed. They're standing there on the far bank of the river Styx. They're waiting for me. They say, 'Welcome, brother'.

Last time you spoke to me like this, you were 10 years old and you'd just stolen Father's horse. What have you done now?

Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?

Well, then your men did. The sun god will have his vengeance.

His priests are dead, and his acolyte's a captive. i think your god is afraid of me.

Afraid? Apollo is master of the sun, he fears nothing.

I know more about the gods than your priests. I've seen them.

You're royalty, aren't you? Spent years talking down to men.

You must be royalty. What's your name? Even the servants of Apollo have names.

 What do you want here in Troy? You didn't come for the Spartan queen.

Why kill you now, Prince of Troy, with no-one here to see you fall?

You should not have come here tonight.

That's what you said last night?

Last night was a mistake.

I have made many mistakes this week.

Of all the kings of Greece, I respect you most. But in this war you're a servant. And I refuse to be a servant any longer.

Sometimes you need to serve in order to lead. I hope you understand that one day.

Prince Hector, is he as good a warrior as they say?

You come here uninvited. Go back to your ships and go home.

The sun was shining when your wife left you.

She's up there, watching, isn't she? Good. I want her to watch you die.

And I've seen the limits of your mercy and I tell you now, no son of Troy will ever submit to a foreign ruler.

Trojan soldiers died protecting you. Perhaps they deserve more than your pity.

Pearls from the sea of Propontus.

Am I still your captive?

I have heard rumors of your beauty. And for once, the gossip is right.

Soldiers of Troy! You men are warriors! To lead you has been my honor!

Hector fights for his country! Achilles fights only for himself!

You were brave to fight them. You have courage.

To fight back when I'm attacked? A dog has that kind of courage.

It's no insult to say a dead man is dead.

I can't ask anyone to fight for me. I'm no longer queen of Sparta.

You're a princess of Troy now. And my brother needs you tonight.

Menelaus was a brave man. He fought for honor. And every day I was with him, I wanted to walk into the sea and drown.

I almost lost this war because of your little romance.

I want to see him grow tall. I want to see all the girls chasing after him.

Well, of course you do, she's a beautiful woman.

Then I'll make it easy for him to find me. I'll walk right up to him and tell him you're mine.

May the gods keep the wolves in the fields and the women in our beds.

[creedslove]

BABE JOELLL PLEASEEEE JOEEEELLL. If you can maybe post-outbreak!Joel (?). Like he’s been with reader on the road with Ellie before they came to Jackson and they had like a thing going on. Once they settled down they decided that they would’ve been better off as just friends and Joel finds another woman (like closer to his age ecct) but Joel and reader were still close to each other and Joel’s new woman is jealous and asks him to chose between her and the reader

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: love this anon, this idea is genius!

• life on the road trying to survive wasn't easy for anybody, not since the world ended and the ones who hadn't died had to fight unimaginable horrors to survive so it was common for people to get cozy with each other, looking for some comfort, warmth and maybe a little pleasure

• and that was exactly what happened between you and Joel while the two of you plus Ellie crossed the country in order to find Tommy and settle in Jackson

• Joel wasn't the warmest guy nor the most friendly you'd met, but he was loyal, protective and he was a fine damn lover for someone who'd been striving with the basics for twenty years into the apocalypse, however, getting to know this side of Joel took time, as he didn't want to open up to you or let you get closer, but once it happened, he felt he needed you on a daily basis

• you didn't actually label your relationship with him, of course you slept together, you kissed and cuddled and you would die and kill for each other without a second thought but you wouldn't dare calling Joel your boyfriend and he would rather have someone holding him at gunpoint than to acknowledge exactly what nature of feelings he felt for you, let out word them out

• but it worked through all the excruciating crusade you shared until you reached your final destination, there wasn't a day Joel hadn't had his arms wrapped around you, keeping your warm when fires weren't a safe option out in the open, or when your body gave him the release he craved, intoxicated in your embraced, giving Joel what he needed but refused to admit

• when you three got to Jackson, a couple of days went by while Joel was getting acquainted with his brother again and you and Ellie were catching up on much needed sleep and skipped meals after all that time on the road

• so when Joel finally saw you again without being in a rush, his heart skipped a beat: you were so beautiful, too beautiful, the kind of beautiful that made his chest tighten

• of course he knew you were beautiful, he was attracted to you after all, but seeing you looking so carefree, happy, well-fed, cleaned up and wearing fresh new clothes made him realize how way out of his league you really were; not only that, he could also see how other men looked at you and he felt so guilty

• guilty because you were way too pretty and young for him, guilty because you were full of life and you deserved to have a chance of living a happy life now you found a place where life could be almost normal, guilty because he felt it would be a matter of time until one of those young men would sweep you off your feet because they could offer you something Joel couldn't: stability and a possibility of having a family

• so he made up his mind and when you tried sneaking into his bed at night, to finally manage to spend time with him in a comfortable mattress, where you didn't need to hump each other in your jeans in fear of having to escape, he stopped you and took your hand

• those sad cow eyes of his being honest as he told you you would be better off as friends, assuring you he would always care for you, protect you and keep you in his heart forever and it shattered his heart when he saw how bad you were holding back your tears not to cry in front of him, but eventually you agreed, there was nothing you could do, you couldn't force Joel to stay in a relationship with you, it was madness so you thanked him for your time together and promised you wouldn't push him away

• as you moved into your own place, you missed Joel so much, Ellie was still hoovering over you all the time, which was great, you were so thankful for that, and even Joel who tried making some kind of distance would stop by regularly to check on you, have a cup of coffee and grab a meal together

• until you found out Joel was seeing another woman; at first you chuckled to yourself, it sounded crazy to you, but when Ellie arrived at your place complaining about the "annoying cunt" - her words, not yours - Joel started to see, your heart sank in your chest

• you swallowed hard and felt yourself so lost at that moment, it was so difficult to keep pretending you didn't have deeper feelings for Joel, but as long as he was still visiting and you shared that same tension, you still had hopes, but learning he was seeing someone else, was like an ice bucket poured over you, it meant it was over because if he liked her, it meant he didn't like you

• so you decided to look for more information on her and you found out her name was Heather, she had been part of the community since the beginning and she was closer in age to Joel, which made you upset, as you were convinced he didn't want you anymore

• Joel, on the other hand, didn't actually want to meet nor date anyone but Tommy insisted he should go out and meet someone and preferably get laid. He also didn't understand why his brother had decided to break up with you,but since it was done, he knew Heather would be a good fit for Joel

• Heather was... Alright. They were almost the same age which was nice to be able to talk to someone who actually lived a life before the outbreak, remembered the same things and used to watch the same movies and shows, he was also good looking and gentle, but she wasn't you

• she wasn't as beautiful as you were, she wasn't as patient and funny, she didn't have the same corky sense of humor you did or how you could simply overlook all the bad things Joel had done, truth to be told, he wasn't in love with her as he was in love with you

• and as much as he tried to bury deep those feelings, it seemed more and more difficult, and he caught himself unable to simply stay away from you, he couldn't, he was just around you all the time

• it was uncommon to see you walking alongside the streets, Joel often walked you to your job, or picked you up even if it was perfectly safe and he didn't actually need to do this, not to mention the evenings he would either go to your porch and play some guitar just to enjoy your company or invite you to his so you would watch Ellie having her guitar lessons

• and as much as Heather tried being understanding about it, she simply couldn't. She could tell her boyfriend wasn't that her, but then him being in love with another woman was a whole other level

• so she waited for Ellie to go to bed and for you to leave his porch and knocked on his door

"Joel, you and I aren't kids anymore, what are we really doing? Because I started dating you thinking that maybe we would hit off, but this is clearly not working, you gotta make up your mind, Joel!"

"what do you mean?!"

"you know exactly what I mean, Joel! It's either her or me, you gotta decide, because I'm not gonna be here watching you going back to her every time"

• Heather finally says and Joel lowers his head, he looks around then back at her, he couldn't lie anymore, not to her, not to you and mostly not to himself

"I'm sorry Heather, it's her, it's always been her, there's no way I could choose anyone else but her"

• he said and left, he wanted to see you as soon as possible hoping he could still make things right with the woman he truly loved, you 💞

____

[marzipanandminutiae]

What’s the New England vampire panic?

:D

:D :D :D

IT. IS. FUN.

(to research- it was probably horrifying to live through. just so we're clear)

basiclly, it was a series of incidents in response to tuberculosis outbreaks throughout New England (Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Maine, and Vermont) during the late 18th and 19th centuries. it wasn't actually a single event, but rather isolated cases of TB being blamed on revenants rather than disease. where this belief prevailed, people frequently exhumed the alleged vampire, burned their heart or another organ on a blacksmith's anvil, and mixed the ashes into water for living consumptive people to drink

unsurprisingly, this never worked

though the earliest documented incident was in 1793, most people's awareness of this phenomenon coalesces around the 1892 death and exhumation of Mercy Lena Brown, of Exeter, Rhode Island. after dying of TB at age 19, Mercy was posthumously accused of afflicting her brother with the disease. despite drinking the ashes of her heart and liver in water, he- shocker! -died. the Brown case reached the popular press, who reacted to it with a sort of morbid fascination. "look what these crazy backwards Country People did" energy. Brown's grave has become a popular site for legend-tripping among Exeter teens since then- the game is to stand there and say, "Mercy Lena Brown, are you a vampire?" and see what happens

aforementioned classism and/or regional prejudice is a fascinating aspect of the Vampire Panic(s). like I said, a lot of the commentary- even going back to the 18th century -takes a tone of bemused horror that such superstitions could still exist, and of judgment on the intelligence of those involved

but honestly, before widespread understanding of TB bacteria...it COULD have been vampires, for all people knew. most of them were aware that it wasn't, but when your choices are "it's a disease; do nothing and watch your loved one die" vs. "it's vampires; do this thing and your loved one might not die, even though there's no proof it works," one might want to feel like one was at least trying

and unlike other mass hysteria cases a la Salem, nobody actually got killed because of a Vampire Panic. just saying

(there's a theory that Bram Stoker may have been partially inspired by the Brown case in writing Dracula, but I've seen no compelling evidence that it inspired him any more or less than any other vampire story)

[mixelation]

(a)synchronicity - probably the very beginning

Tori was currently tied by the wrist to two other people, part of a chain of five civilians and one shinobi. They stood out in the rain, in a muddy field outside of Ame. Hanzo stalked back and forth in front of them. 

Needless to say, Tori’s day wasn’t going the way she had planned. 

“You are the absolute scum of the earth,” Hanzo wheezed out through the filter over his mouth. “You are traitors and usurpers. Did you really think we would let you get away?”

The Ame Tori knew– the one twenty or so years in the future– would have let civilians move out, if they could prove they needed to. She could have written herself a very compelling letter about having no familial or professional ties and no job prospects, laid out a plan for how she'd be so good at a job somewhere else in the country, and she would have gotten exit papers. 

Apparently in mid-Civil War Ame, even civilians were under suspicion of joining the rebels. Despite being homeless for the last month, despite not having a single thing to her name because she was not even from this time, despite not doing a single thing for Ame or its wars, Tori was meant to stay in Ame even if she starved. That was giving your life to a village, according to Hanzo’s ongoing mental breakdown. 

“I’d rather die here than live another day serving you,” the shinobi that was supposed to be guiding them out snarled. Then she spat into the mud. 

Why, Tori thought. There was no talking her way out of this, not with that attitude. 

“As you wish,” Hanzo answered. His hands rose towards his face. There was a shuffling around them as the Ame-nin holding their sad little group at sword-point pulled gas masks over their mouths and noses. 

Why would sewing a piece of salamander into yourself do that? Tori wondered as she watched purple fumes pour from Hanzo’s mouth. 

She didn’t have it in her to feel fear. She’d done nothing but squat in abandoned, cold buildings and beg for food for the past month. She probably hadn’t gotten properly dry the entire time. She didn’t even have the energy to feel angry. She was just annoyed and tired. 

The poison made all her neurons misfire. Pain shot through random parts of her body, and her legs convulsed and knocked her over. She dragged down both the people she was tied to– or maybe they dragged her down? It was hard to tell. They were one twitching mass of limbs and shrieks of pain at Hanzo’s feet. 

“Tell your filth friends when you see them,” Hanzo said, voice no longer distorted by the mask, “that I will not stop even when Hell is full.”

Tori knew she was properly dead by then, because the gnawing hunger of the Shinigami spread inside her, becoming a part of her, driving out her own feelings. If Hanzo was going to fill her stomach, why wasn’t he? Why was he wasting her time with this measly meal?

It almost felt good to be one with the Shinigami, who did not feel cold or tired, just hungry, always hungry. Except, today she also felt… 

What are you? The Shinigami wondered. But gods did not have to experience time strictly linearly like humans, and it puzzled it together quickly. Disgusting, Tori thought of her own soul, and then suddenly had the very human instinct to vomit. 

She could feel the souls of the five other people in her stomach. She could also feel arms cutting her hands free and then dragging her through the thick mud of the field. Her nerves twitched. This was probably just what corpses killed by Hanzo did, because the person dragging her didn’t react. 

This is a vile feeling, the Shinigami thought. Or perhaps it was what Tori thought. How dare a human touch me?

Tori had to fight to stay limp as repulsion filled her. Then she was being dumped down a hill along with the other bodies. 

Ah, the Shinigami-in-her-head thought. The carcasses after a meal. And yet I’m still hungry…

Tori had been dumped into a mass grave, on top of a pit of rotting human bodies half-submerged in mud. Bile rose in her mouth, but she fought it back down, flailing for the edge of the pit. She refused to look down or think too hard as the Shinigami faded from her brain. 

It took a long time and many failed attempts to crawl her way up the muddy slope. 

Tori allowed herself to splay out in the mud for a few minutes. The Ame-nin were long gone. She hated dying, but it was a convenient little trick. 

The poison still had lingering effects, and she stumbled over her own feet several times as she headed to the forest at the edge of the field. Her vision was spotted. But she was alive, and she was getting the hell out of Rain Country. 

xXx

Tori was still in Rain Country. Travel was… challenging. Rain Country was at war with itself and its neighboring countries. Ninja occupied towns and roads and would randomly show up and kill you for no reason, or perhaps confiscate your supplies if you were lucky. The ninja came from every country, having made Ame the stage for their stupid Third War. 

She had money now, though, at least. Ninja here weren’t any better at not getting tricked than they were in her timeline. 

“What do you mean, kill them?” the farmer’s wife said. “They’re ninja!”

“They’re not even conscious,” Tori countered. She pressed the knife at the woman again. “They’ll die like anyone.”

The farmer’s wife seemed doubtful, her eyes nervously flickering over to her dining room where three young men sat slumped over their seats. 

“Fine, I’ll show you,” Tori said, turning on her heel and marching back into the room. 

It was nice of the farmer’s wife to let her stay with them, curled up in the dry hay of her barn. The ninja had been here since Tori had, because she’d stalked them here. 

The farmer’s wife had old medications prescribed to her husband, from before the supply shortages and before her husband had died resisting a ninja raid. It had taken very little convincing from Tori to get the woman to crush up pills into the food she served the ninja. And then it had worked, because ninja had a hard time believing non-ninja weren’t idiots. They hadn’t expected a young civilian like Tori asking a bunch of stupid questions to be a distraction for another civilian doing something dangerous. 

Of course, there was a period between being drugged and passing out where the ninja had realized something was wrong. There were several kunai in the walls and a huge scorch across the wooden dining table from them freaking out. This was probably why the farmer’s wife had refused to enter the room, despite being gungho about the plan just an hour ago. 

The drugs worked just as well as the warning label had promised, though. There were all out like alight, breath and limbs heavy

Tori hovered over the biggest of the three ninja with the knife. A Konoha headband glinted back up at her. It was funny. She’d always just assumed Konoha-nin would be kinder than everyone else, but they weren’t. They would barge into some lady’s house, scare the shit out of her kids, and demand free room and board, just like any other ninja. The farmer’s wife had no idea what village had killed her husband, and it didn’t matter. All ninja were ninja to someone like her. 

Tori fiddled with the knife. She wasn’t… she didn’t… well. She didn’t mind the idea of killing someone with a knife, but she had no idea how to do it cleanly. 

She ended up turning the knife on herself and making a little incision into the fatty part of her forearm for blood. It would take some extra time and finagling, but fuuinjutsu was almost always what she was most comfortable with. She patted the ninja down for a spare fuuinjutsu brush– a lot of them had them, even if all they knew how to do was re-ink storage scrolls– and set about making a seal that would disrupt the ninja’s chakra just long enough to kill them. 

It took long enough that the farmer’s wife regained the courage to creep into the kitchen.

“You’re one of them,” she gasped at the seal Tori had drawn in blood across the table. 

“Um,” Tori said, settling the third ninja’s hand into place on the seal. “No I’m not?”

She smeared the last character into place with her finger, to activate the seal. She’d drawn the seal imperfectly, as it was on a random table in blood rather than traditional methods, and a lot of very dramatic smoke escaped. 

The farmer’s wife made a lot of dramatic, outraged spitting noises. She didn’t even seem relieved when Tori confirmed all three men were dead now. 

She kicked Tori out, although she did nothing but stand around and accuse Tori of being a lying bitch while Tori patted down the corpses for useful things. Like more pocket change. Or travel supplies. Or– gasp!– sealing ink and a bunch of blank tags!

“Which village sent you?” the farmer’s wife demanded, waving around another knife she’d picked up at some point. “Don’t you dare send any more of your freak friends out here!”

“I suggest burning the bodies,” Tori told her and she packed up her new goodies to leave and wiped the table clean of evidence. She didn’t need any shinobi getting wind of her fuuinjutsu. “Or anything else to hide their identities.”

Of all the villages, Konoha was most likely to send people to investigate random disappearances. They liked tracking where their bloodline limits ended up. Or, at least, that’s what the Iwa-nin that Tori had failed to convince to go engage a Konoha team had said as his excuse.  

The temperature was dropping as she hiked away from the farm. Maybe there was a way to use fuuinjutsu to temperature-regulate her tent… no, that seemed like it needed a lot of testing to make sure she didn’t set it on fire in the night…

Tori’s hands balled into fists as she walked. Why was even finding a warm bed impossible? Or someone to just be nice to her, without suspicion and threats?

****

TORI KILL COUNT: 3

[rederiswrites]

I don't see how trump turning America into a christofacsist state is any different than the norm? like it's been like that for native and black people since it's creation like we inspired the nazis in the first place so like what the point? oh trumps gonna kill everyone who isn't a white cis male! and? that's what america's best quality since day one

Okay I'm actually going to respond to this Edgelord Supreme bullshit, because as absurd as it looks written out like this, I actually do think a lot of people are feeling some half-articulated version of this despair and cynicism. Let's kick that in the ass.

First, let's get one thing straight. History has been terrible awful bad always and forever. There have been a thousand genocides and a million wars and a billion brutal, inhuman war crimes. Back in the days of the earliest civilizations, wiping out entire cities when you defeated them was basically just how things were done for many societies. The fact that we have international laws and international bodies of justice, however obviously toothless they remain, is the result of thousands of years of extremely mixed progress.

So at this point, you pretty much have to say either that a) humans are an incurable blight and don't deserve to live, or b) that we've done amazing, beautiful things and experienced billions of moments of happiness and created art and fallen in love despite all this, so we're still worth working on. Personally, I am very strongly in camp b. I see things worth living for a hundred times a day. There's really no comparison.

Second, the USA is not uniquely bad. It is terribly damaging to people both within its borders and all over the world. It is build on genocide and slavery. Many of its foundational institutions are deeply corrupted by these things. And guess what, that's uh....pretty common. No, really. The US is currently a big fucking problem. It's our turn with the big stick, for sure. But even then, we're not alone.

So how the fuck is this encouraging? It isn't. I'm not encouraging you, I'm telling you to fucking GET GOOD, because when you say shit like the above, what I hear is "Oh I SEE, I'm a TERRIBLE PERSON I guess I should just kill myself to make your life easier." I hear someone who would rather give up and call their country morally bankrupt and irredeemable than to PUT IN SOME FUCKING WORK.

Cynicism is so comfortable. It doesn't ask anything of you. "It's always been like this," it says. "Nothing's going to change."

Except things do change, and things have changed, and your entire premise is in fact absolute dogshit. The two presidential candidates are not remotely the same, and we are not, yet, a Christofascist nation. I could, as many before me already have, enumerate the million concrete ways in which your premise is just not true, but honestly I won't bother, because it's not a premise in good faith. What I mean by that is that even a cursory examination of the actual facts would totally trash your expressed beliefs, so you're not really interested in the facts.

Change for the better can happen. Change for the better has happened. It's just not as EASY as you want it to be. There are more steps. For example, you can't have viable independent candidates until you have campaign finance and voting reform. So you have to push for those things. For years, probably decades. Many people have died without seeing the realization of things they fought for, and yet those things have come to pass. You may die fighting the good fight and not see the victory. I may too. Meanwhile, you make the choices that will hopefully get the fewest people killed.

So stop acting like we're all just too shitty to bother about, and put in some fucking work.

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

Insurgency: Long Live The Queen

Summary: A totalitarian regime reigns over a South American country in which the virus is being distributed to its citizens at the pretense of a “cure.” Leon was sent to retrieve a sample of the virus mutation when he stumbled upon a group of anti-government activists whose main goal is to overthrow their government. Will Leon help the cause or will he fall down with the government as well?

Warning: Mentions of mature themes. Read at your own discretion. Slow burn. Age gap (Leon is 38 and reader is 21+). Reader is female.

Word count: 5,105

A/N: how we feeling about this so far? :3

[part one][part two][part three][part four][part five][part six][part seven][part eight][bonus]

“The whole question here is: Am I a monster, or a victim myself?” - Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment.

Leon was put into a room after you guys reached La Sénte. He was given food and water as well as a bed for him.

What a nice welcome, he thought.

You were currently in a meeting room with Yarina and other Insurgents.

“The president is on to us. She knows we’ve been the ones targeting her military. From now on, we’ll be facing death head on. This is no time for hesitations. We must act or die,” Yarina stated as she looked down at the papers scattered on the table.

“Yarina, we can’t risk losing people. We will be outnumbered if we want to go to the city states-“

“Enough,” Yarina slams her fists on the table, “We cannot sit back and watch as President Mendez treats our lives as rag dolls. Yes, there’s a chance we will die but I’d rather die fighting than die a coward.”

Silence overtook the room, the atmosphere was tense and heavy. Ever since the President had broadcasted the message of public executions, everyone’s been at edge. Including you.

“Why don’t we use the American?” One of the insurgents spoke up, he seemed to be the secretary of Yarina. “How do we use him exactly?” She asked.

“A life for a life. We send a message to President Mendez demanding that she freed all the captured civilians. In return, we’ll give him to her-“

“A swap,” you interjected. “It won’t work-“ you turned to look at Yarina, “Listen, those soldiers- they’re nothing like the ones we’ve seen. San Bandero is protected by tanks and endless troops. We’ll die the second we step foot there.”

Yarina hums and brought a hand to her chin as she thought hard.

“We’ll split up,” she pointed to the map, “Half of the available Insurgents will storm right into the city with our bomb artillery. I’m talking tanks and rocket launchers. The other half will go underground and perform an evacuation for the remaining citizens who are unharmed. I want this to be quick and efficient. We have no room for mistakes. Prioritize the children.”

Everyone nodded and began to scurry out of the meeting room to prepare for battle. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a second?”

You stopped walking and walked back towards her.

“I heard about what you did for Josue, that was really heroic of your part,” she said quietly.

“It was nothing, really,” you muttered back with a short nod.

Yarina chuckled and patted your back, “Humble too. You never fail to surprise me.”

She cleared her throat before continuing, “Listen, I didn’t just held you back to talk about your accomplishments.”

You could only nod slowly in silence, “I actually wanted to let you know that if I were to die tonight… I want you as our leader.”

Your eyes widened at her statement and you felt your throat run dry, “Yarina… don’t say that. How are you sure you’re-“

“Y/n. There is no guarantee that I’ll make it alive after the mission. The President is on to us and once she finds out that I’m the leader, she’ll kill me.”

You could only stare at her in silence. What she said was true. If President Mendez were to find out that Yarina was the leader of the rebelling group then she’ll most definitely die.

“Okay,” you nodded and agreed quietly, “I’ll do my best to be a good leader.”

Yarina smiled softly and squeezed your arm, “Good, now let’s get this mission over with.”

-

Leon heard the sounds of footsteps through the halls.

They must be making their next move, he thought.

He wondered how exactly everything started. Getting captured by a group of people who want to overthrow the government wasn’t really on his to-do list. But alas here he was.

The food was way better than other times he’s been to other missions. He had to give you guys credit for having edible bread and good chicken.

-

You were put into the group of Insurgents who will storm right into the city. Currently, you seating in a car with other members. Weapons in hands and boxes full of explosives ready to be used.

As you were driven there, the sun began to set. You’ve gotten used to fighting in the dark. It was better since the soldiers’ helmets didn’t really allow them to see at night. This was your advantage.

As you neared the city entry, everyone jumped out of the car and proceeded to blend in with the trees and bushes that surrounded the area.

Hiding behind a bush, you kept watch as the person next to you took out their rocket launcher and shot the city.

Multiple bombs were set off, each hitting a different thing. Buildings, tanks, soldiers- anything they can shoot. The ground shook and insurgents ran out of their hiding spot and began to attack the confused soldiers.

Your weapon ready in your hand, you shot the soldiers in front of you. You managed a few headshots. It was good that you had improved your skills ever since this whole thing started, it was good you were becoming alive.

-

As the insurgents in the sewer system began to drive the citizens of San Bandero out, they felt the ground shook. They needed to get out of there quickly before the roads collapsed on top of them.

“Madam President, there’s an attack in San Bandero. A group of rebels are shooting out soldiers and bombing out buildings. Do you want-“

“No,” the President cut the assistant off. She was angry, more angry than anyone has ever seen her. She stood up and walked towards the window to see. And sure enough, fire and smoke came out of San Bandero.

“Find their leader and bring them to me. I will end this once and for all,” the President said as she walked away from the window and back to her desk.

-

You and Yarina were fighting back to back as the soldiers tried to pounce at you both.

“Fuck! I’m out,” Yarina exclaimed as she tried to shoot with her gun but no bullets came out.

You took Yarina by the arm and dragged her into a collapsed building, giving both of you enough time to reload your weapons.

Yarina was busy reloading her gun as you kept watch, “Yarina…” your eyes widened as you stared at the TV on the tower. Yarina grew confused and then looked out towards the TV as well.

It was a video footage of the sewers- the citizens walking while the insurgents helped them out.

“Citizens of Pruye, let this be a reminder that traitorous acts do not go unpunished. Everyone in relation to rebellion will face consequences,” the President spoke.

Suddenly, a bomb fell down from a plane and into the roads. You and Yarina took cover behind a fallen piece of debris. The ground shook tremendously as heat and light took over.

You couldn’t hear anything for a good minute, only the constant ringing. You peeked at the scene and saw that the bomb had fallen right on top of the people evacuating. Your eyes trailed towards the TV and couldn’t help but let out a soft sob.

Children, women, men and insurgents lying dead on the floor. No trace of life after the explosion. Smoke and ashes filled the air and your hearing got back.

You heard Yarina scream and turned your head over your shoulder to find Yarina being taken away by two soldiers, “¡¡Come mierdas- todos ustedes!!”

You were about to start running towards her but another soldier lunged at you, pinning you the ground. You gripped their wrist and tried to not let them stab with the knife they had in their hands. With as much energy you could muster, you harshly threw the soldier off of you and shot them in the head with your gun.

You looked back at where Yarina was last seen but she was gone. Panic and anxiety coursed through you. You didn’t want to think about it. But you knew Yarina was going to die.

-

It’s been three hours since Yarina got captured. The remnants of San Bandero were the only thing that remained of what was once a lively city. Now it was just debris and dead bodies all around.

Some insurgents were being treated for their wounds and others were patrolling the streets. You were sitting down the sidewalk as you contemplated what to do.

It wasn’t until the TV on the tower turned on and President Mendez spoke,

“Citizens of Pruye, with every heartbreak comes good news. Although a city of ours has been destroyed, we too, have something that is worth destroying for those who oppose me.”

The camera pans to Yarina kneeling down before a soldier who has a gun pointed at her forehead. Her hands were tied behind her back as she had a piece of cloth around her mouth, gagging her.

“Yarina…” you whispered as you stood up and stared at the screen.

“Let this be a lesson for all. You cannot win a helpless fight,” the President continued.

The soldier hooked his finger around the trigger all while Yarina maintained eye contact with him. She didn’t fear death, she wasn’t scared in that moment. Yarina is a smart person, she’s known all along that by starting this rebellion she’d face her ultimate death. Not once did she flinch nor did she beg for mercy.

She took a deep breath and let her body fall to the ground after the soldier pulled the trigger. The bullet penetrating her skull, sucking the life out of her. A poodle of blood surrounded her head as she died with her eyes opened.

Gasps and screams were heard from the other insurgents around you. You, yourself, felt anger. Anger at yourself, anger at the government, anger at the whole world. But beneath all that anger, was a girl who feared and cried. She was hurt- you were hurt. And nothing is this world could do anything to settle the turmoil inside you.

-

Leon was brought to the meeting room right after everyone reached base. News of Yarina’s death reached everyone, including him.

You stood at the center of the table, the proclaimed new leader. Your whole demeanor changed, you were serious and angry. Your eyes held a pain that only Leon could guess and relate to, because he also knew what it felt like to lose people right in front of your eyes.

He didn’t say anything and allowed the insurgents to pull him in front of the table.

“Change of plans,” you started as you began to motion for everyone around the table, including Leon. He raised a brow but obliged.

“Everyone knows San Jolonia has medical supplies and weapons we can use. If we are going to fight Mendez, we must be ready,” your brows were pinched together and your tone was serious and a little terrifying to some.

“But San Jolonia has been abandoned. The President ordered for people to leave the city,” one of the insurgents said. You nodded, “I know, hence why I need to take this opening and take as much as we can- guns, medicine, food, clothes. I won’t let anything go to waste.”

“Wait… you’ll go by yourself? Y/n I don’t think that’s safe, you saw what happened to-“

“I know,” you mumbled and stared down at the map in the center of the table, “San Jolonia is abandoned. Plus, the American is coming with me.”

The insurgent’s eyes widened and Leon only stared at you with mild shock.

“Y/n- you can’t trust him. What if he-“

“If I wanted to kill her, I would’ve done so already,” Leon interjected. He stared at you and you stared back, the tension high.

“I saw what happened to one of your people,” Leon continued just a little bit softer. The atmosphere turned solemn and some insurgents looked away as he began to talk about Yarina.

Leon sighed, “I want to help.”

You furrowed your brows and narrowed your eyes in skepticism, “Why?”

“Because no one should deal with this type of control. You are fighting against a dictator and you’ll need all the help you can get…” he exhaled and looked away briefly, “I’ve seen people die in front of me as well. Feeling helpless and unable to do anything to save everyone… it’s a shitty feeling.”

Your face fell and you nodded slowly, he looked back at you from across the table, “Let me join you. If there’s anyway I can help, I’ll take it. No more innocent lives need to die.”

He was right, in a way. If you want to bring down the government, you’ll need help. And Leon was an American soldier. They’re known to be ruthless and strong. It would a great asset to have him.

“Okay,” you nodded, “untie him.”

An insurgent went behind Leon and untied his hands. He massaged his wrists and then looked at you.

“You and I are leaving tonight, do not be late,” it was the last thing you told him before you left the room.

-

You waited for Leon at the gate, it was dark outside. The night breeze flowing gently through the trees and grass. Leon approached you as he was checking his gun.

"You ready?" you asked him before opening the gate. He nodded at you, "Yeah, let's get this over with."

Since it was nighttime, you decided not to use a vehicle. It was dangerous already if the soldiers were to notice a vehicle roaming around, then they'd most likely shoot you. So, you settled on foot.

As you and Leon walked through the forest, he couldn't help but make small talk with you.

"So..." he started quietly as he pushed some branches out of his face.

"So?" you mumbled as you led the way, "Whatever you want to say, just say it."

He hummed and chuckled faintly behind you, "Aren't you the nice one..." He shook his head and walked beside you.

"Listen, I don't doubt your skills or anything..."

"But?" You raised a brow as you glanced at him before looking back at the forest.

"But don't you think you should... take a break? I mean- a lot has happened to you and not taking the time to process what just happened can cause you to-"

You stopped and turned to face him, "I didn't ask for a therapist. I'm fine- we need to push forward."

He sighed and watched as you walked ahead of him. He sighed and followed behind you.

-

You both reached the outskirts of San Jolonia, abandoned and ruined. Must've been President Mendez's doing.

"Don't stray off too far," you said as you walked towards the entrance of the city state, "I don't you to get lost so just keep close."

Leon nodded and silently walked behind you. It was completely silent, except for the sound of your footsteps. The night was cold and the air was soft. You walked towards an abandoned pharmacy and began to stuff your bag with as many things as possible. Leon stood behind you, keeping watch in case something were to come out.

There was a strange peace between the two of you. Like as if both of you already knew what the other thought. When you're involved in a battle, it can help bring people together.

And Leon couldn't help but feel sympathy for you. You were young, too young to be in something like this. Sure, wanting to fight for your freedom is a noble cause. But he also understands the pain that comes with it. He's conflicted. He wants to help in two ways- wants to fight alongside you but he also wants to avoid a war. But you seem set on the idea of war and there's nothing in his power that can change that.

You weren't dumb, you knew Leon thought this. It was written in his face. The man had a great sense of justice and only cared for the lives of the unfortunate. If you had to guess, you'd say he probably feels a lot of guilt. A guilt that kept on piling up as the years went by.

"We should camp out, it's getting late," You broke the silence and walked towards another abandoned building.

One of its walls was collapsed while parts of the ceiling were missing. You stepped inside the ruined building and began to set up a fire. Leon was too far behind, he walked slowly as his eyes looked around. It wasn’t everyday that he would get pulled into events like this.

After you started a fire, you sat in front of it and began to pull out some food you brought, “Hungry?”

Leon looked at you and shook his head no, “I’m good, thanks.” He went over to sit next to you as you shrugged, “Suit yourself,” you muttered under your breath before you took a bite out of a piece of bread.

Leon stared at the fire in silence. He was aware of the occasional glances you’d throw him but he hasn’t said anything, yet.

You sighed and looked back at the fire, remaining in silence once again.

“Why are you here?” You mumbled and looked at him.

“You told me to come-“

“That wasn’t what I meant,” you cut him off. “What made you come to this place?”

He looked back down at you before shrugging faintly and looking back at the fire, “Got sent here. Wasn’t really my choice.”

His voice was quiet and the light from the fire highlighted his features. You never actually sat down to get a good look at him but now that were, you couldn’t help but think hoe handsome he was. His foggy blue eyes piercing down at the flames as his dark fringe fell down the sides of his face. His stubble had been growing for a while- maybe even before he got sent here.

You exhaled softly and looked back at the fire, “So you were forced…”

He nodded, “Yep. I mean, it’s also partly my fault in a way. I work for the government and I get these… missions. Shits crazy when life hits you with the consequences of your actions, don’t you think?”

“I guess…” you mumbled and looked down at the bread in your hands, “So, you’re like a personal soldier or something?”

Leon chuckled and looked at you for a brief moment, “You’ve been watching way too many American movies.”

This time, you smiled softly and looked back at him, “What can I say? You Americans are the leaders of entertainment.”

That caused him to smile back, “Good point…” he exhaled softly before looking back at the fire, “But no. I’m not a personal soldier or whatever. I’m just an agent. I work in the defense department, lots of fighting.”

You hummed quietly and looked back at the fire in silence for a moment before speaking up in a cautious tone, “Was it your dream to become an agent?”

Leon felt his body freeze at that question. He blinked slowly as his expression fell slightly and then looked at you with a pained expression, “No, it’s not.”

Your own expression mimicked his as he continued, “I wanted to be a cop. Like the ones in Brooklyn 99 or Chicago P.D. But after…” he quickly trailed off, deciding whether or not he could tell you about Raccoon City.

“After?” You asked,

“After Raccoon City,” he replied quietly.

You were aware of what happened in Raccoon City. It made global news how the U.S. nuked it’s own people. But no one knew as much as Leon and you could tell that it left him with a big weight on his shoulders.

“When I escaped Raccoon City, my whole life changed… I was no longer the 21 year old rookie cop,” his gaze trailed on, no long focusing on the fire. Right now, he was somewhere else.

“I met this girl, when the whole Raccoon City thing started, she was like 10 or 11- and I couldn’t help but feel… anger. Not at her, obviously, but at everyone else. Children died that day, sisters… brothers… everyone died and I couldn’t save them,” he inhaled sharply,

“It felt like everyone moved on and I’m still stuck in that same fucking time-loop…” he looked down at you, “Not a day goes by where I don’t dream about it. About everything.”

You stared back at him and watched as his eyes told the story. His raw emotions emanated from within, “To this day, I still see them. Every figure and shadow of what remained of that goddamn city. The guilt to not have been able to help… it hurts more than anything in the world.”

He turned to look back at the fire in silence. You’ve never seen someone so hurt. Although it took you by the surprise, you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. All those years that went by and he’s still in the same place.

“Is that why you’re helping us? Because you don’t want to feel guilt?” You asked quietly.

He nodded, “If I can help… I wouldn’t let the opportunity pass by. I’ll take hold of whatever chance I get to save people.”

You stared at him for a moment in silence. It was very noble of him basically risking his life for people- dangerous but very noble.

"You know," you started quietly, "I didn't even know how to fight before.. all of this even started." Leon raised his brow at you and then chuckled. He shook his head and stared back at you, "I can tell. When we first fought, you had so many openings."

You rolled your eyes at him and then looked back at orange flames, "Give me a break. I was just some random girl working in a canteen... before chaos took place," memories of when the soldiers first came with their tanks filled your mind. You sat there in silence before finally saying something. If he basically trauma dumped on you then why shouldn't you as well?

"My brother died from a soldier," you mumbled softly as you fiddled with the bread, "He was out with his friends one night and some soldiers came up to him. They tried to arrest him but he resisted and eventually... he got shot."

The words barely came out of your mouth. It was painful to rethink about all of the deaths that happened, but Leon knew that. He understands the pain.

"I'm sorry about your brother," he mumbled. You swatted your hand in the air before looking back at him, "He wasn't the only one I lost. I lost my two friends from my job... we got bombed and one of them got squashed by a building and the other... bled to death..."

Leon remained silent as he listened to you. He may not have been there when all of that happened, but he knew the pain.

A dry chuckle escaped your lips, "And now Yarina is dead, and I became the leader of her group... I feel like life is mocking me. It's like, 'Hey! You lost your friends but don't worry! You'll lose more people'... These types of battles don't go well- i know that. But a part of me wishes that i should've just left. Left for America for a better future... Instead, I'm stuck here leading a rebellion." You took a bite out the bread and got quiet. Leon was just watching you, reading you. He could tell you were in a lot of pain, more pain than you believe.

He sighed and looked back at the fire, "Life's been shitty to the both of us, huh?"

The ends of your lips curled up slightly as you nodded, "Pretty much."

"You look young... life can get better for you, trust me," he mumbled softly.

"I don't feel young. Does it ever actually get better?" you asked as you turned your head to look at him.

He looked back at you and shook his head, "No, it doesn't... but you learn to live with it."

"I don't want to live with it... I want to forget everything ever even happened. I want to live a normal life..."

Leon looked at you with sad eyes, "But that's not the case, is it? You can dream all you want but the hard truth will always drag you back to reality... and it's a reality you must live in."

You stared into his eyes for a moment in silence as he stared back at you. The atmosphere was complicated. One minute you were cautious of him and then the next you express your inner emotions to him. And now the tension was high. For what? You don't know but you could swear you saw his eyes drift down to your lips.

It's not like you were a virgin, you had your own experiences. But yet, you felt something starting to build inside you and you could almost see it in him as well. Feelings were growing when they shouldn't be.

Your eyes drifted down to his and you leaned a little closer. But your subconscious mind pulled you back. You turned your head away, "We shouldn't..." you whispered.

He looked at you for a moment, his eyes lingering on your lips, "Says who?"

"This is wrong. It feels wrong... I mean, we're in the middle of an incoming war. Is it even okay?"

Leon brought his hand to your cheek and gently forced you to look back at him, "You're not killing anybody. It's okay," he whispered as his thumb caressed your cheek.

You swallowed and allowed him to gently pull you towards him. You closed your eyes and felt his breath on your face as he brought you two together.

His lips landed on yours in a soft kiss. Lips so soft and tender despite the environment. He kissed you gently and brought you closer as you rested your hands on his shoulders. His free hand traveling to your waist, giving it a gentle squeeze. You gasped softly against his lips and he took the opportunity to bring his tongue inside your mouth. His tongue entangled itself with your tongue. It felt so intimate yet so calm. He was kissing you as if he didn't want to hurt you. You've been hurt far too much already but this kiss felt like a band-aid on top of your scars.

He pulled apart to catch his breath, eyes opening to look at your face. Your cheeks were flushed and your eyes were already staring at his. He brushed some hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear. There was a moment of silence as the two of you just sat there staring at each other.

"Rest," he whispered, "We still have a lot of things to do tomorrow."

You nodded slowly and laid down on your side, giving your back to Leon. You closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Leon watched as you fell asleep, he took off his jacket and laid it on top of you. So many thoughts lingered in Leon's mind but he also had questions about your previous conversation.

He knew death was inevitable but seeing everyone- including you- fight with so much resolve made him believe that you had the opportunity to do something he couldn't.

To save people.

He wasn't jealous or mad, rather, he felt a sense of guilt. He didn't want to see you die. Leon wanted to see you and the rest of your people overthrow the government. He beg the heavens above to let you live just a little bit longer if it meant seeing you free this country.

He'd plead to whoever.

-

An announcement alarm went off and the TV from the tower turned on. Flashing images of people lined up, kneeling down with bags over their heads, with soldiers behind them pointing their guns at their heads.

You woke up as stared at the screen, which Leon did was well. The two of you watched as the soldiers began to shoot the people one by one. Their bodies falling limp against the floor and letting the blood pool around them.

Your heart felt heavy and you tried to move but couldn't. You were frozen in place.

"We've captured more traitors who must pay the price for their treason," President Mendez said.

You felt anger. Some were children.

In a fit of anger, you took your gun and dashed out of the ruined building you were in. Leon followed behind you, "Wait- where are you going?"

You ignored him and kept walking. He ran behind you and pulled your arm to stop you, "Y/n..."

Eyes welling up with tears of anger, you looked at him with so much anger, "Those were kids. And she's killing them like pieces in a game. I need to do something-" you harshly pulled your arm away from him and ran towards the tower. Leon quickly caught up to you and hooked his arm around your waist. He hoisted you up in the air and you thrashed in his hold.

You cried. Sobbed and screamed in anger. The once silent abandoned city was now filled with your angry screams.

"Let me go!" You struggled against him, but he didn't move. He knew you were going through a meltdown, and it wasn't safe for you to act in a fit of anger.

"I said let me go!!... let me go," your head fell forward as he slowly put you down on the floor. You clung to him as you cried loudly. You were so angry and hurt. This was the last straw for you.

It was heartbreaking, really. There was nothing you could do except watch as these innocent people died. President Mendez won this battle but you vowed to yourself that you'll win this war.

War.

You declared war.

-

Both you and Leon walked back to base. Something changed in you as you walked through the halls and towards the meeting room.

You slammed your fists on the table, "Send a message to the president," you started with anger on your tone and face.

"Tell her that tomorrow morning, we will start a war. And we will win this war."

The other insurgents looked at you and then at Leon who stood behind you. They all stood still and you only got more angry.

"I said- send her a fucking message that says we declare war on her. Now."

[silviakundera]

The Princess Royal ep 35 comments

So the writers made a signifucant change here, with having a traumatized, pregnant Li Rong decide to hide the revelation of the past from Pei Wenxuan instead of just having a complete breakdown in his arms.

The adaption has actually been overall shockingly novel complaint (it may be streamlined and less able to communicate complex character dynamics but on the whole the major events all track and tons of dialogue is lifted from the novel)... so I find myself curious about the few big deviations.

Why do I think they made this choice?

Suspense: the desire to create a conflict & tension btw our leads, because by this period in the story they are so on sync and united in purpose that I think the screenwriter is worried that it's too bland (if we recall The Double, some viewers felt a certain malaise with that couple at the end because they just supported each other w no conflict & drama).

No sex : in the novel they fuck about it; not gonna happen here. With all that stripped away, all of the emotional conflicts & resulting catharsis are happening between other characters in the last chapters. So what to do?

Mirrored behavior: I think perhaps we are intended to see a comparison in how SRQ didn't want to tell LR this secret out of protection for her mental health. He would rather be the villian to her who killed her for a blood feud, than see her face the truth. He originally wanted to "fix everything" without her having to know. SRQ is LR's foil. So I can see how perhaps drama writers thought it would be a plausible reaction for LR hide this from PWX and try to "fix it" behind his back, so his hands are clean and HE didn't betray the crown prince. In the drama as she is doing this, her voice over literally thinks that the only person she can trust is PWX. She just wants to keep him out of it. And then says some stuff in temporary anger when they fight about it.

So how do I feel about the change? While I do prefer the novel version, I guess I can agree it's a plausible scenario in the drama - because the drama's streamlining has reduced the emphasis on LR and SRQ standing on opposite sides politically. In the novel, frankly I do not see her joining w SRQ's camp for even 10 minutes. It just wouldn't happen. At this point, sure she knows he means well but they fundamentally disagree on what is the right path for the country. Even a panicking & broken novel!LR wouldn't be tempted to let a puppet Li Cheng take the throne.

But if I keep an open mind, I can see how in the live action version this might seem like a plausible stop-gap measure for LR and then she thinks she can recover and course correct after. I don't agree with the writing choice but I don't HATE it.

I'll be honest - It's hard for me to judge her too harshly for her immediate reactions in either novel or drama because her lament is just TOO SAD. I know she's far from a perfect person, but it really hurts my heart.

novel snippets of her soliloquy:

"Li Rong, let yourself go."

These words were like a heavy hammer hitting Li Rong, shattering her heart abruptly. She wanted to fight back, to retort, but in the end, it only became a rhetorical question, "If I let myself go, who will let me go?"

"No one has spared me!"

When these words came out, she could no longer restrain the pain she had been trying so hard to contain, "Everyone is using me, Chuan'er doesn't believe me and killed me, Shangguan Ya and Su Rongqing watched me die. Pei Wenxuan," Li Rong grabbed Pei Wenxuan's sleeve as she stared at him with tearful eyes, "how do you want me to let myself go?"

"No one believes me, you all think I'm bad, that I'm selfish, that I'm power-hungry, that I'm unscrupulous, that I won't think of any of you."

"So Li Chuan wants to kill me, Shangguan Ya wants me dead, Su Rongqing watches me drink the poison and says nothing, and even you," Li Rong tugged at his shirt with a deadly grip, "do you also think that I'm pushing you now? That I'm slandering your feelings, that I'm suffering so I'm making you suffer too?"

Pei Wenxuan froze, Li Rong lowered her head, she restrained herself, she tried to calm herself down a little.

She had hurt too many people, everyone had abandoned her, she wanted to be kinder to Pei Wenxuan, she shouldn't have indulged herself.

"I didn't."

She sounded dumb, "I just want to, to be nice to you. I want to be nice to everyone, but I can't do anything right."

"I don't talk well, I'm too dictatorial, I'm like a hedgehog, and anyone who sees me thinks I'm bad. I can't even, when I try to like you, do it well."

"I've done so much for Chuan'er," she said as tears poured down her eyes, "but he still doesn't believe me."

"I fought like that for a' Ya and Chuan'er, and a'Ya still gave up on me for the slightest risk."

"I'd gone to so much trouble to keep Su Rongqing, but I still can't live in his heart, he hasn't even given me a little trust."

"I'm not forcing you, I really just want to be good to you, I don't know what to do, I just want you to not suffer a little in front of me. But I still can't do it right."

"I'm sorry ......" she tilted her head to look at him and said it over and over again, "I'm sorry ......"

Pei Wenxuan did not say anything, he looked at Li Rong in front of him, she no longer had any semblance of decorum to speak of. The most wretched thing in life, he's afraid, is her now. Even when he met her in prison, she was fully clothed and tied up, her posture was calm.

*

"...That was the last life, I can ignore it, but just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't care."

"One has to hold the power to have a choice. And when you gain power, it shouldn't be mixed with feelings. I used to talk about liking power, but in fact when I made decisions, I always put a lot more trust in them and was willing to fight for them. So when I came up, I always thought of helping Chuan'er, solving his present problems for him, his future problems."

"My mother scolded me, saying that I was thinking all these things. That the emperor thought of me as a princess, and that in the eyes of the future emperor, I was no different in nature from the noble lineage. I thought she was silly at the time, but now I realise that it was me who was silly."

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I think what's truly horrible, what traumatizes her so deeply, is that this was a long process. LR and PWX remember her descent into chronic illness! How she wasted away as PWX brought her doctors to try to save her. Her brother didn't kill her in 1 momentary act of rage & paranoia. He decided over and over again that she must die and he killed her THROUGH THE GAMES THEY PLAYED TOGETHER. Poisoning the weiqi pieces. All of what she thought were private family moments were the tools of her slow murder.

While the confrontation scene she has together w Li Chuan in the novel was sincerely beautiful and literally made me cry... I SO GET her initial repulsion and urge to walk away.

[side note: I can empathize on 1 thing with SRQ - feeling he had no choice but to watch this cruel betrayal and hating himself & hating Li Chuan more and more as he watches what's happening to her... no wonder, considering what also happened to his family, he thinks of Li Chuan as a monster who must be stopped. Like, I'm not in his side at all because the nobles are fucked. But I do think his beliefs about Li Chuan are like the most normal thing about him. I also see why SRQ hates himself (cause he should) - and why he is increasingly distressed as he sees Li Rong prove in this life how little he understood her and much he underestimated her inner goodness & also her bond with PWX. All the reasons he thought he couldn't risk saving her in the 1st life were wrong. So of course this only makes him hate & resent LC more.]

[spacebarbarianweird]

Hi friend! Dropping by to ask about HC for my fighter Tav!

She’s a human born to a guild family, and ran away from them because they wanted to marry her off.

As a fighter she’s strong and muscular, but feels rather unattractive and masculine.

She also does crafts (guild artisan background) but doesn’t really tell anyone because it doesn’t really fit her fighter persona.

Ok, behold! Hope you won't be dissapointed!

Astarion x f!Fighter!Tav

Your family doesn't come from the Swords Coast.

You come from the Border Kingdoms, a country with much stricter rules.

According to local customs, a woman is a woman. Obedient, submissive, stupid.

Just a commodity to be sold and bought.

Your father, a wealthy merchant, dreams of marrying you off to a noble.

Instead of learning to fight, you learn to dance. Instead of magic, you are taught manners.

And you are punished for not being feminine enough.

But you see the different life in Baldur's Gate.

You see women who are warriors, fighters, sorceresses, pirates.

Everything you dream to be!

Noticing your interest, your mother locks you in the house, forbidding you to go out alone.

And you decide to run away.

You plan it carefully. The Swords Coast is big, you just need to leave Baldur's Gate and disappear among the adventurers.

You find a way to learn how to fight, disguising it as another dance lesson, and how to shoot arrows by lying to your parents that noble women in the Border Kingdoms love casual archery.

You are ready to escape, but on the very day you plan to leave, your father receives news. The royal family has agreed to marry off their youngest son to you.

Your family will also become nobles and be given their own lands.

But your mothers sees your preparations - a travel suit and a sword. She punishes you severely, forcing a wizard to paralyze you till they day you and your family sail back home.

You realize that your life is over. You will be locked in a castle, and you will never be able to walk the roads freely.

Because running away from a rich family is one thing. Running away from a prince is quite another. He will find you.

Worse, he'll get you pregnant, and your life will be over.

You decide it's better to end it al.

You jump into the sea and let the waters take you.

But your will to live proves to be much stronger than you expected, and you manage to stay afloat.

But once you reach the coast, the mindflayers kidnap you.

The tadpole in your brain is creepy and weird, but after meeting the first mercenary who seeks you out, you begin to appreciate this unexpected ally.

You feel strong and free - you can stand for yourself.

You and Astarion have similar fears. And desires.

As soon as you get to Baldur's Gate, your family knows of your arrival.

And so does your "husband."

Powerful mages come after you and, taking advantage of your weakness after removing the tadpole, kidnap you.

Astarion won't let them take you.

Even if he has to start a war against the kingdom to do so.

He goes to the Undedark, begging spawns to help him.

A whole year passes, but he is finally there, ready to enter the castle.

That's where the battle takes place - between the vampires and the knights. 

Astarion finds you, tired, beaten, and drugged. He carries you to the dungeons to the darkness and freedom.

But...

The prince, realizing he can't have you, kills you.

Astarion kills him on the spot, but by the time he carries you to safety, it's too late.

You've lost too much blood. You're dying.

Nothing can help you.

Astarion begs and cries, but there is nothing he can do.

You ask him to drain you. You want to die in his hands.

Astarion agrees.

A masterless spawn, what can he do?

He holds you for a day in his hands before letting you rest in your grave.

But there's something Astarion doesn't know about himself, or vampires in general.

When the master dies, vampires cease to be spawns.

They become true vampires. Very capable of creating their own spawns.

You wake up in your grave, mad with pain and hunger.

You crawl out with a dead heart in your chest, a permament bite mark, a hunger you've never known, and a pair of fangs.

An invisible thread pulls you away, forcing you to face your master. 

To obey his commands.

Several days pass as you reach him - you cannot hunt because your master has not allowed it, you cannot rest before you face him.

Astarion wakes up and sees you - confused, tired, and hungry.

A slave to his will.

And he realizes that he has unleashed 7,000 full-fledged vampires with the same ability to turn mortals into the undead.

He immediately gives you his blood, freeing you.

You belong to him. Forever. And he belongs to you.

It takes you a while to get used to that. You miss the sun, you can't hunt, and the empty mirrors drive you crazy.

Hunger and cold torment you, and sometimes you curse Astarion for not letting you die (as if it were his fault).

You even try to walk into the sunlight to die, but Astarion manages to drag you back.

You finally make peace with yourself and your condition.

Immortal! Able to crawl on the ceiling! Strong! Eerily beautiful! Immune to necrotic damage!

And through you, Astarion makes peace with himself.

Why bother looking for the cure if you can create a vampire guild and force a "protection racket" on the people of Faerun?

You, a terrible vampire woman, strike fear in some distant village!

Him, a dangerous undead, bothering a rich merchant!

Someone needs to rescue these people. It shouldn't bother them a vampire saves them from another vampire.

Sometimes Astarion "hunts" you, sometimes you "hunt" him.

You have the immortality to share with each other, and you are looking forward into the future.

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96 @locallegume

[restinslices]

Liar Pt2

Me finally writing the part 2?! Wow! So this part is honestly filler. It's Matthias being in his own head and meeting Nina, who will become an ally. Imma be real, nothing happens BUT LISTEN- it's setting shit up. Have faith. Enjoy his mental crisis. Druskelle!Matthias Helvar x Heartrender!Wife!Reader (she does not make an apperance-) Word Count: 2059 Summary: Ever since you've left, Matthias has had conflicting thoughts about your relationship and it's driving him insane, but an unlikely friend makes him realize not all hope is lost. Y/N - Your Name D/N - Daughter Name Link to part 1

(Lowkey should've used this gif for part 1 and part1's for this, but rip)

“Dear my love and life,

I don’t know what to say. Maybe I should say sorry again for the whatever thousandth time. I never know how to start these, so I always say I’m sorry. I wish Djel gave me the power to go back in time and fix the mistakes I’ve made. I wish I could go back and hug you when you told me about you being Grisha, instead of pushing you away. I wish I would’ve held you and told you I’d forever love you instead of calling you a witch. I wish when I woke up, I had my wife beside me and my daughter in the room next to ours. I have lots of wishes, and since I can’t change the past, I have a wish that’s selfish and cruel.

I wish you both were dead. I wish that the Druskelle had found and killed you two, or all of you instead of just Elise and Erik. 

I know I sound terrible, but not knowing where you are or how you are hurts more than you two being dead. I wish that one day, I’m sitting at home and someone comes in to say they found and killed you both.

Am I a bad person for thinking this? I’ve heard rumors about other countries. I’ve heard Ravka trains their children for war. I’ve heard Shu Han does terrible experiments on Grisha. I’ve heard in The Wandering Isle that the Kaelish kill Grisha so they can drink their blood. I’ve heard in Kerch, Grisha are put under contracts and basically become slaves. I’d rather you be dead than go through any of that. 

My love, you remember the day I proposed to you. I know you do. What you don’t know is that the night before I did so, I sat outside for hours. I couldn’t possibly sleep when I was terrified about what I was gonna do. I saw a star that shined brighter than the others, and for some reason, I thought it could be Djel watching over me. I prayed and begged Djel to convince you to say yes, and you did. 

Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I’m too busy wishing, instead of praying, but I haven’t felt like praying in so long. Maybe if I find that star again, he’ll hear me better like he did the first time. Maybe I’ll get another chance and we’ll all run away. Maybe-”

“Anything going on up there?” the Grisha woman asked.

Matthias found himself writing a lot since you left. Not in some diary though. He’d write letters to you and his daughter, then throw them in the fireplace and watch it be engulfed in flames. 

At first the letters were angry and full of betrayal. You lied to him for years. You used him. That’s what he thought at first.

It had been days and you hadn’t been caught. He happened to have paper and ink around him, so he wrote this letter filled with insults, profanities and accusations, then he threw it in the fireplace. Although he wrote all this down, about how you were a liar and a witch, he didn’t go with the druskelle to try and capture you. Others assumed that your “witchcraft” made him still feel sick, but in reality, Matthias knew deep down that if he saw you he wouldn’t be able to take the shot. He would’ve been expected to either kill or capture his ex wife and child and he knew he couldn't. You were his love, and once your daughter was born, you both promised each other to make her number one in your lives. You’d raise her with love and guidance and make sure she never knew a lonely day. You even promised each other that if one was to die, the other had to keep going everyday even if they didn’t want to. You both promised to make her your whole life. Now he was expected to forget all about that. He wanted to forget all about you, but he couldn’t.

His letters went from angry to pleading. Sometimes his letters would be destroyed by his own tears before it even reached the fire. This especially happened whenever an important date passed, like your daughter’s birthday. It hit him hard then. The loneliness became more apparent. Matthias had quit being a Druskelle, telling Brum some bullshit about how his head still didn’t feel right and he didn’t want to mess something up. In reality, being a Druskelle didn’t feel right anymore. His brothers gave him sympathy, saying you were evil and he was strong for realizing this and breaking out of your spell, but it didn’t make sense. When people look back at their memories with a manipulator or abuser, they notice signs. They see things they didn’t see before. And while Matthias did indeed notice signs that you were Grisha, he didn’t see any signs of evil. 

Matthias knew you even before his family was killed, and you stood by him as he mourned. You stayed even when he was sure you’d leave. How could you possibly be evil? It didn’t make sense. 

Matthias doesn’t know why he accepted Brum’s offer to go on another exploration. Maybe it was loneliness. He had practically isolated himself for two years. No more you. No more D/N. No more brotherhood.

Or maybe he was hoping somehow they’d find you and he’d be able to escape with you.

Either way, he accepted. A mistake.

The boat ended up sinking and Matthias was sure he’d die, until he suddenly felt his heart speeding up in his chest. When he came to, he realized one of the Grisha, a heartrender with brown hair and a smart mouth, had saved him. Granted, it was just so he could push them to shore, but at least he was breathing.

They found a hut, slept by each other, and that’s when he realized two things.

Number one, your wedding ring, which he always kept in his pocket, was gone.

Number two, when the woman sped his heart up so he stayed warm, it felt familiar. It was how he felt when he laid next to you. He always assumed that maybe his heart beat so fast because being near you was the greatest honor and he hadn’t gotten used to it. He’d still say that was true, but the reality was that you used your power to keep him warm every single night. If he hadn’t been around someone, he might’ve cried.

He heard fingers snapping next to his ear. “Druskelle? Anyone up there?”.

Matthias blinked hard to snap himself out of his thoughts, then cleared his throat. His eyes had been on the fire in front of him the whole time, as if he could burn his letter like he usually did. He looked to the side as the woman sat next to him. He couldn’t even remember what they were talking about.

It was as if she read his mind since next she said, “you were telling me all about Fjerdan woman then you stopped. Hoping one appears?”.

“Yes” he answered without thinking.

~~~

Matthias refused to answer any of her questions. In all honesty, she was annoying him. She was incredibly nosey and kept insisting they were lost, but they couldn’t have been lost because Druskelle didn’t get lost! All trees look the same! Rocks look the same! A certain patch of snow looked the same as other patches of snow!

They were lost. Dammit.

Matthias sat on a big rock with a flat top in defeat. What good was being alive if they were just gonna freeze to death?

The woman sat next to him, “I’m gonna ask a few questions if you don’t mind”.

“I do mind”.

“What’s your name? I like ‘Dumb Druskelle’ but surely you were born with something else. Todd? A Kevin maybe? James?”. Matthias hated she gave the same comfort a friend would. It was strange. He didn’t know her, but he had been so lonely that he enjoyed having someone else near. And if he was gonna die, he wouldn’t mind dying with someone else. 

Although Matthias was silent, she kept going. “Who’s back home for you?”.

“No one” he thought.

The woman pulled something out of one of her pockets and presented it to him. It was your wedding ring, the one he thought probably sunk to the bottom of the ocean. Before he could speak she said “I grabbed it before it sunk too far. Figured I could use it as leverage to make you get us to shore, but you agreed before I could”. Matthias took it and since no one he knew was around, he put it back on.

Some people prefer the feeling of a weight lifting off of them, but he preferred the weight the ring added to his finger even if it wasn’t that huge of a change. The woman was still looking at him then he had an idea. If she was Ravkan and you ran there, maybe she knew you! He asked her if he knew a woman fitting your description with a child that had recently came to Ravka. When she said she was usually in and out of the palace, but had gotten a letter from a friend who mentioned a new Grisha with a child he felt conflicted. On one hand, this could’ve been you and this meant you were safe. On the other hand, this meant his daughter was probably being trained to become a soldier for whatever other war Ravka would join. 

She made a sarcastic remark, asking if he had been hunting this woman also and she happened to get away. He spilled his guts then. He told her everything. How you met, how you were always there for him, how you fell in love, your marriage, your child, the incident, him turning on you. All of it. It felt amazing to say out loud to someone else.

“You had an incredible wife but chased her and your child away? Remember when I said there was a brain inside all that muscle? I lied”. He didn’t argue. What was the point? “What would you do if you managed to see her or your child again?”.

He thought about this every night and he still didn’t know. He’d apologize but what then? Let you go? Beg for another chance? What if you had met someone else by now? “I don’t know” he answered honestly “but I’d beg for as long as she wanted me to”.

“You do realize that you were gonna kill more Grisha on that boat right?”

“You would go on trial”

“Your trials are a sham, we’ve been over this. The loneliness won’t end by becoming a Druskelle again. You and I both know it”. Matthias went quiet again as he thought. He hated she was nosey, he hated that everything that came out her mouth was sarcastic or said with an attitude, but more importantly 

He hated she was right.

“I have known one way my entire life. I don’t know how to be anything else. I… I don’t know if I can be better”.

“It’s possible” she said. She stood and moved so she was in his view. “Get on your feet-”. It all happened so quick then. She backed up, then all Matthias heard was the ground crumbling and her screams. He dived down, catching her hands. 

She pleaded for Matthias to pull her up and for a split second, he thought he’d let her fall. 

He refused to turn his back on anyone else though.

He pulled her up and let her catch her breath on the ground. After a few seconds, he stood with his hand outstretched, “Matthias… Helvar”.

She took his hand and let him help her to her feet. “Nina Zenik. Nice to make your acquaintance”. Matthias draped one of the fur coverings he was wearing on her shoulders then they started walking again.

“You saved my life”

“I put you in chains. It was the least I could do”.

“That’s all very true, but I was going to say something before I fell”. Nina grabbed his arm, making him stop and look at her. 

“I’m going to help you find your family”.

A/N: I need to stop deciding to write at 11pm-. Anyway, did anything really happen this part? No. Lowkey this should say part 1.5 but that looks ugly so here we are. I will not procrastinate for another two months, I promise. Also I remembered that Matthias is 18 and ya'll kid is 10, so uhhh let's say the kid is 6 and ya'll are mid twenties. Imma edit the last part too, don't even worry. I think part 3 will be the last part unless I decide it's too long and split it. Taglist: @luvrrish @katie-the-bookworm @favouritefeverdream (Idk if you wanted to be tagged, but you commented so imma do it anyway)

[matthyeu]

i would rather die ― kjw.

pairing ⇢ kim jiwoong x gn!reader 

genre ⇢ angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, royal!au

warnings ⇢ violence, blood, swearing

word count ⇢ 2.8k

synopsis ⇢ it only took a near death experience for you to realize the crown prince of vuiryn wasn't all that bad.

dressing up, dancing, laughing, eating small appetizers for aesthetic purposes. they were all things you never did in your everyday life despite your position as the child of your kingdom’s ruler. in technical terms, this was supposed to be your social group, fellow children of rulers or other noble people gathered together. 

but it wasn’t. 

before being the future ruler of your kingdom, you were the leader of the military, the leader who was forced to leave behind their comrades as you attended this gala your father pushed onto you. you thought while your kingdom was at war with several other rebelling countries, you should have been in the front line, guiding the troops and making plans. your father had other plans though, leaving your second in command to handle this week’s battles.

for he thought before you were a military general, you were the future of the kingdom, meaning it was your duty to ally yourself with many other future rulers. he wanted not only an allyship, but also a union of two rulers’ children, so your kingdoms would be tied and willing to help in times of despair like this. that was why in his eyes, you were more valuable dressed up to play spoiled royalty desperately looking for a spouse. 

still, that wasn’t the kind of person you were, going up to the most known people at these gatherings, kissing up to them in hopes of seducing them to somehow grant your kingdom with surpluses of supplies to aid your losing battle. 

besides, most of these people would never want to mingle with someone like you, a known royal who physically had blood on their hands, as if they didn’t have blood on their own from their neglect. at least yours wasn’t the blood of your own people. 

“haven’t seen you for months.” 

and there was the most arrogant one of them all, the one who probably had not only his hands covered but also his entire body. there was no way prince jiwoong of vuiryn didn’t have an overflowing pool of citizens’ blood in the back of his royal palace. his demeanor and powerful aura already exemplified that of a power-hungry ruler. if his ruling was anything like his father’s, you could count on that pool becoming a whole ocean of blood, a literal red sea, once he was crowned. 

he was probably the only one your father didn’t want you to attempt to seduce. it would be favorable if your kingdom was not intertwined with the tyranny of vuiryan. it would not settle well with your people, knowing the reputation the current king had. 

it was unfortunate that he was the only one of the royal social circle to even attempt conversing with you. 

“must you always do this?” you asked, finishing the remains of the wine poured to you by one of the servers, its cost probably enough to cover important funding for your comrades’ weapons. 

“i figured you would have liked some company. you’re always off on your own world at these gatherings. wouldn’t kill you to intersect the conversations y’know?” he attempted to joke with you. 

he was always like that, playful but in a way that put himself on a pedestal to look down at you. even with his more positive attitude, you knew better than to place any trust in him. he too probably gossiped among the groups about how pathetic you always seemed when you were alone. 

there was nothing good that came out of someone like kim jiwoong. he was just another child of one of the many tyrannical rulers across the land. you could never put partial blame on them for their parents’ actions, for your own father would probably act in a similar manner if you hadn’t taken it upon yourself to lead the military to protect your citizens. 

“after all the times you’ve done this, i would think you understand i would like nothing to do with you,” you emphasized as you finished your drink, placing it in a bin of various dirty glasses to be cleaned. “now if you’re done annoying me, i’ll be going.” 

you turned your heel, beginning to walk away from him. not long after, however, you felt a harsh grab at your wrist. immediately, your eyes rolled back, nearly enough to look into the interior of your skull. was he really going to do this?

did he really have to do this when you just wanted to go off to find some unsuspecting victim to seduce into granting your kingdom the needed money to fund the troops? he was really getting on your nerves. 

“jiwoong, let go of me,” you sternly demanded, trying to thrash away from the grasp. 

the first siren went off when the grip around your wrist tightened. as much as jiwoong liked to provoke you, he would have never gone this far, bringing such discomfort to you. there was something off about this. 

your suspicions were confirmed as you felt cold metal across the skin of your neck and an equally cold voice whispering in your ear. “don’t move now, your highness.” 

your eyes immediately darted around the room where many were in the same position as you, held at knifepoint and threatened with their life. some failed to follow instructions in a panic and paid the price as a consequence. 

this was another reason you hated coming to royal gatherings. they were the perfect place to be ambushed. you couldn’t care less about leaving your kingdom without a future ruler, but to leave your comrades without a current one, that was something you could not do. 

you obeyed his commands, stilling without any sign of resistance. you would figure something out. you always did. it was just…there was no way you could pull anything off in the position you were in. any move would leave you dead, and you didn’t have anything on you to wiggle yourself out of the situation. your father was stern on not bringing anything that would intimidate the rest of the guests. if only he knew that could cost the life of his dear child. 

the only thing you could do was oblige to the commands. you could read their intentions. these people were not in it to kill. if so, they wouldn’t have let as many people run as they did. if they wanted to kill you, they already would have. they wanted ransom. you could figure out a plan once they took you to wherever they were planning. 

“UUAGH.” 

or not. the knife at your throat was lowered after your attacker was…well attacked by someone else. you looked over to see jiwoong, hands bloodied but still holding on. quickly, he grabbed you by the wrist and you two began your run, far away from the ballroom where hell had been let loose. 

“let go of me!” you yelled as you struggled against his grasp, which almost caused both of you to tumble over. 

a harsh motion was made to release your wrist, and you could see the annoyance on his face. “wow, not even a thank you. if you didn’t notice i just saved your fucking life. if you had stood there in shock any longer, you would be dead.”

you turned away from him, defeated that you couldn’t think of a witty remark to counter it. he was right. you had frozen the moment you were freed. if your attacker had gotten up, it would have been over for you. you whispered a few incoherent swears to yourself, frustrated you let your guard down so easily while at the gathering. it was not like you to do that, but now it had you on the brink of life and death. 

“thanks,” you mumbled. 

you heard him chuckle, somehow still mocking you at this moment. “can’t hear you you.” 

you sighed, rolling your eyes as you two turned a corner. you still had yet to know where you were running to. the corridors of the palace seemed endless, and you didn’t know the way out. from the looks of how the two of you continued to run, jiwoong didn’t know either. 

your lack of knowledge on the palace layout was your biggest drawback. as you turned another corner, you were met with several members of the attacker group, all armed and ready to take you down. it seemed they had shifted gears from kidnapping to killing seeing the resistance the two of you put up. 

and here was your second mistake. when your original attacker had fallen back, you should have taken his weapon. not having one rendered both of you useless in this situation. both of you backed up until there was nowhere else to back up. 

running seemed out of the question now as there was only a certain amount you two could run until fatigue caught up to you. there had been so much running involved in the earlier moments that your legs would probably give out within fifteen or so minutes of running at a fast pace. there was only a slim chance none of the six men in front of you would be still following you by then. you didn’t know how much stamina they had. 

you two looked at each other, the first time you looked at him with genuine concern. this was life-or-death, not a time for you to express your burning hatred toward him. 

“you go,” he ordered. 

“what.” 

with no further explanation, he headed into the crowd first, stalling for as much time as he could. they were too focused on him to even pay mind to you. they wanted the satisfaction of killing just one of you. 

seeing the sight, you took off. it was probably better off him than you. 

you had a whole future ahead, both for you and the army you led. you couldn’t let yourself perish now. jiwoong, he was just another prince who had no heart for others, no consideration for his citizens. if he was gone, vuiryn would not have another tyrannical ruler. this was completely fine. 

however, the more you thought about it, the more it wasn’t fine. what on earth were you thinking? when was it better off if someone was dead? the only answer was if they were a horrible person, but…jiwoong had never even proved to be that kind of person to you. sure he was annoying, but you couldn’t recall a time where he had mentioned anything cruel or unsettling. 

the overthinking made you pause in the hallway

maybe you had misjudged him. no. you definitely had misjudged him. if he was as cruel as you thought he was, why save you back in the ballroom? he had the stamina and strength to get out of there, but he had risked the extra time to help you. 

even if he wasn’t all good like royalty tended to be, there were some things you would never know about him if you let him die. 

immediately, you turned around, running back to where you had left him. on the way, you tried to scour for things to use to your advantage. the only thing you could make use of was a vase on display, but it was still better than nothing. 

your lungs were already giving out. this was the fastest you had ever ran in this type of clothing, the kind where your legs felt restricted, so you needed to use more muscle to even try to move properly. 

by the time you made it back to the scene, your arms and legs had almost made you collapse. you weren’t prepared to do this much running at a gala. 

you took a pause at the corner, gripping onto the wall to steady yourself. you only hoped you had made it back in time. your determination would have been useless if he was already gone. 

alas, you found yourself weirdly overjoyed seeing jiwoong still struggling with several men, now only two. it was impressive, but you could tell from the look of his stances he was about to lose this fight. you had to step in. 

waiting for an opening, you ran back into the scene at the first glimpse of one. both of the attackers’ backs were turned to you, but you were in clear vision of jiwoong when you slammed the vase across their heads. screams of terror were released as you used that window to kick them back into the wall. 

now, it was your turn to grab onto jiwoong to make a run for it. 

“i told you to run.” 

“a thank you would be nice, y’know.” 

he laughed at your mockery of his earlier words. the situation had completely changed. now you were the one holding onto him tight as you tried to navigate a way out of the building. 

“you seem like the type to want me dead though. change of heart?” he asked, heavy breaths accompanying his words. 

“i thought about it, and i would rather die than be indebted to you.” you would never reveal the true reason you came back. it was far too embarrassing for you to admit. 

finally, you two made it to an exit, pushing the doors out together in unison. outside, there stood many soldiers, some of them from your own kingdom. it seemed many kingdoms had dispatched soldiers to help clear the palace after the news spread. you felt pity for any soldiers who would have to find the bodies of their respective royals. 

“general!” you whipped your head around to see some of your comrades worriedly approaching, “we were worried about you once we heard the news. we had just finished our own battle, but we wanted to come make sure everything was okay.” 

you found their concern warming after such an eventful night. “of course i’m alright. i’m a military general after all.” 

you heard jiwoong clear his throat behind you. “and because i had prince jiwoong to help me through it.” 

you watched as your two comrades exchanged glances, both with each other and between the two of you. their smiles grew. “so you’ve nearly fulfilled your own mission, we see.” 

eyes widening at their statement, you realized what they were hinting. jiwoong’s eyes furrowed, opening his mouth to ask a question you could predict. before he could though, you intersected, walking over to where they were administering first aid. “let’s make sure we get wrapped up to prevent infections.” 

now, here the two of you sat, sitting across in silence as many doctors and nurses applied ointment at your wounds. there was an uncomfortable silence. neither of you knew how to start a conversation after everything that had happened that night. 

it took until your treatment was finished for you to finally ask the one question bothering you the whole night. 

“you know how to fight really well? i knew all royals had special training, but you really seemed like you knew what you were doing. i’ve never seen someone in the royal social circle be so unafraid of getting their hands dirty.”

jiwoong looked away with a smile on his face, unsure whether to take your comment as a compliment or an insult. “i’ve always wanted to be a soldier,” he admitted. 

the declaration made your eyes widen, to the point where you swore they were about to pop out of your sockets. you had never heard a royal (besides yourself) say such a thing. everyone always called you crazy for the path you chose, so you always assumed he felt the same way. 

“so, you don’t think i’m crazy?” you asked for clarification. 

he shook his head. “no quite the opposite actually, i’ve been trying to become acquainted with you all this time. i admire your work, and wanted to ask you about how you convinced your father to let you do such a thing.” 

your mouth dropped open. you were hating this man for no reason. your hatred was based on false accusations. 

“wow, i really know nothing about you.” 

“well, do you want to know more about me then?” he suggested. 

you smiled at him. “sure, i would love that.”

even though vuiryn was the one kingdom your father didn’t want you to become close with, it was hard now that you knew its prince was nothing like its king. its prince was exactly like you. he truly was the only one who could talk to you because of that. 

if that wasn’t enough convincing to allow him to become your ally, you didn’t know what would be. 

“i also have thought you were really charming ever since we met, so it’s not just that i wanted to use you for advice. i really want to get to know you.”

or maybe this was the beginning of a union. 

you hit him on the shoulder, laughing with him for the first time. “now hold on, we’re going a little fast here, buddy. let’s take it slow.”

[gryficowa]

I'm going crazy, they want to strengthen this wall on the Polish-Belarusian border, they seriously want to kill everyone trapped on the border

I'm fed up with this country, it will destroy itself with its reborn fascism, it's clear that Donald Trump has played too hard on Polish politicians and I hate it

Why has bullying Muslims become so fucking fashionable?

Poland, USA, UK and Israel, and there's probably more and it pisses me off, but I'm powerless because I have ASD and social phobia, which means I can't even rebel like others, I'm not Greta, I'm someone who is terrified of crowds and I would die on the spot if I had to go on strike with other people in the real world

But I can't pretend that nothing bad is happening here, I'm not silent about the border, Poles, Palestine and other important things, just because I can't physically fight doesn't mean I can't show my frustration in another way

Why are all my attempts to publicize what is happening at the border abroad not working? Are these Muslims less important than the Palestinians and Sudanese?

People were deceived by Lukashenko that he would help them, they were imprisoned, the border guards from both countries abuse them, they do not allow help and they destroyed their phones so that they could not communicate, it is terrible, and the worst is that many right-wingers are supports (And the pro-life wanted to shoot these people)

I remember there was a post (or rather a tweet) about a woman with a cat who was trapped at the border, people laughed like today Israelis laugh at children dying from their bombs, it's terrible that we live in these times, although other leftists talked about the returning fascism and people laughed at them and it hurts

I saw how people attacked them and when they fled from the Taliban they took their children with them because it was irresponsible (Yes, you heard right, people are terrible)

I see the same thing with Israelis (specifically with Zionist views), laughing or attacking families because their child is not at home, or is at home because the Israeli army kidnapped him, people have lost the trait of empathy and it hurts

How many times have I heard that I am under leftist propaganda, or just stupid, because they treat "Bad illegal immigrants" as people + They spread propaganda that these people force you to cry, yes, they are so disgusting

If it turns out that these bastards supporting the border guard suddenly turn out to support Palestine, I will be disgusted by the hypocrisy of these people, I'm sorry, but I hate two-faced people and I say that straight

Yes, I'm fed up with this world, I'm fed up with people in my country using gashlighing to tell me that I'm wrong, that what's happening is wrong and shouldn't be considered normal, my country has been imprisoning people since 2021 borderline and I hate it

If not about Muslims, then about LGBT+ people, because they are not people, but an ideology, so they need to be expelled, I hate it all, this country, which was a victim, has a problem like Israel, and this says something about what is happening, being a leftist in a nationalist country is a challenge because everyone looks at you like you're stupid and laughs at you, although what you say is true, it is the worst in this world, fascism is back and it will be almost impossible to eradicate it, and probably in many decades it will resurface again and find new victims

Poles are like Zionists, they don't listen to anyone because they consider themselves victims, so you have to respect them (And then they go with a billboard saying "Poland for Poles" or other racist shit), it's depressing that a country that survived the holocaust does this the same as the Third Reich, and then he has the nerve to criticize countries for the same shit as himself, it's disgusting and shows how fascism has been reborn, being a fascist has become fashionable and is considered "your own opinion" and the worst thing is that we are powerless because no one listens to us and we are ridiculed for telling the truth, seriously, in such times we live in

The very fact that we are repeating the same history, even though we were supposed not to, shows that we, humans, want extinction, which is terrifying because we should strive for change, but instead we want to go full circle and then it will probably happen again that we should not repeat it X events and repeat them as Y

We are selfish, we play with human life and then pretend that we care about it, we destroy the planet and exterminate endangered species, because after all, "Humans are better than animals", when animals rarely kill for entertainment

Poles and Israelis, you fucking deserve each other

[tanadrin]

Oh yeah, enthusiastically embracing world socialism was also not good enough! Nothing was ever good enough! Nothing will ever be good enough! The options for Jews are to die, become monsters, or submit to living under the rule of people like you, waiting for the day that you decide you actually don't value their lives very much.

Throwing up a false dichotomy doesn’t make your argument any less bullshit. The choice before Israeli politicians and military leaders right now isn’t between the destruction of Israel or killing tens of thousands of Palestinians. Hamas committed a major atrocity on October 7, but that atrocity in no way threatened Israel’s existence as a state, any more than 9/11 threatened the United States. And like 9/11, militarist leaders framed it as an existential threat to justify policies they were interested in pursuing anyway. It rings very very hollow to say “we had to kill tens of thousands of civilians to preserve the existence of our people.” It is just a post hoc justification for a desire to cause suffering, because you believe you are entitled to make *someone* suffer in return. I totally reject that line of thinking.

Israel has many security options besides “be monsters.” Whining that this is a standard only Israel is held to is pathetic—it is a standard people apply to all political actors, and many countries besides Israel have been roundly criticized for similar behavior. But if you really want to play that game—if you really think your choice is between “be a monster or die,” then you should die. Every time. I would certainly rather die than kill innocents in the name of my country. That’s not a hard choice to make at all in fact. Most people I know would make the exact same one. This is a standard I consistently apply to Jews and non-Jews alike, with no qualms whatsoever. Only nationalists deeply addled by a need to justify violent oppression think there is any doubt as to which option most people would choose.

[embersoftheorder]

EMBERS OF THE ORDER

A World of Warcraft Roleplaying Blog

From the personal journal of Captain Rachel Dewitt, Order of Embers Operations Manager and Liaison to the Alliance: Stormwind Division (All notes and stories within these journals follow the calendar of initial joining of the Order of Embers until present date.)

27th day of the 8th month, Summer of Year 6 The world changed again.

Dalaran has fallen. Again.

Is it really surprising? I'm not sure. I would like to rely on old prejudices against the magi, that they keep to their towers and secrets like rats in a hold but that would be a lie. The Kirin Tor had truly been nothing but doing their best to be guardians of the world as much as we are to Drustvar. But we can't rely on old prejudices and old ways of thinking. Have to keep moving forward and we have to adjust.

I have to adjust.

As we had done before during the Shadowlands, House Waycrest and my superiors have authorized me to allow my team to go to the aid of Dalaran in hopes of creating a better relationship and positive atmosphere between our communities. I am still rolling my eyes at that statement from Albot. I know what he really wants. Clout. Power.

Gold.

I'm glad that Candell is such good friends with Reese, cause I don't know we could continue to afford to rent this place in the Pig and Whistle with the meager funds that Drustvar can spare to us. Rebuilding a country isn't easy or cheap but you'd think they could afford to give us a little something more to make us appear to be at least respectable. Hell Duun's been moonlighting as practically a guard around here to make her ends meet. Honestly I think she makes more clearing kobolds and other things down there than she does as my assistant. I feel bad for her, this was not what she was expecting when we came here four years ago. But granted I didn't expect to lose Candell on some weird 'death' campaign into another world. And Nubern. I can't forgive myself for that man. No one should. Least of all me, though I know Eld has been eating it up as well.

I shouldn't call the Shadowlands weird considering what we do here and what we have faced in the past, but the whole debacle is just strange. Thinking about it just makes my head hurt as much. Might be the rum as well.

We have dragons. I don't know a damn thing about dragons, except how to possibly kill them and that for once is the last helpful thing around here. Maybe we should set up a meeting some of their people. They could know some tricks or ideas or have some gold to help the Order out. I'll have to make a note for later.

The circle comes round again to the big news of this entry. Dalaran. Another tragedy in the world's history. I don't know if we're gonna make it better, but I do know that Candell is hardly going to be one to sit around while there's something going on to the west. He never does. His apprentice or rather partner now is just the same. I wasn't supposed to babysit heroes, just soldiers. I guess they die all the same as well.

I miss you Cristoph. Every day. Your heart is mine, and I hope you know mine is yours. It just hurts.

Candell says it's like a war within. He should know especially with his history. Tides all of us do.

I love you.

Witt

OOC:

This is blog for characters created within the realm of World of Warcraft involving generally the protagonist/hero concept that has a lot to do with the Order of Embers from the Battle for Azeroth. I had cultivated a lot of these characters for a long time on an alternate blog, but since returning to the game and with a new expansion arriving it felt right to build a new and better place to continue to work on this concept. I love all of them even if I get lost some times trying to keep them going creatively and in gameplay. So please if you'd like to interact, collaborate, offer words of support/critique, or just say 'hey'; don't hesitate too. Thanks for reading this and I hope I make something you come to enjoy here.

Below you will find links to the basic information of the cast of characters for this blog (which knowing my level of alt-aholism, will be ever growing cast).

Dramatis Personae

Eldridge Candell - Inquisitor of the Order of Embers Cheryl Duun - Inquisitor of the Order of Embers; Ratcatcher Rachel Dewitt - Operations Manager of the Order of Embers

Beldwin Storm - Gallant of Drustvar; The Green Son

More to come…

[aballadforbarbatos]

i sent a whole Thing to my friends a month ago and thought it would be a good idea to post it here, so:

mc, the anti-monarchist

diavolo is pretty confident that you’ll say yes when he asks you out. he IS, like, the most powerful demon in the devildom

(technically there’s his dad too but he’s not around rn so he doesn’t count)

the brothers get to spend more time around you BUT you always spend so much time with him so you SHOULD say yes right?!

not even barbatos could predict your answer

you look him dead in the eye. and say. “sorry diavolo, but i’d rather die than date a royal”

you like him as a person sure, but it’s not like you on your own can’t topple a demon monarchy so the only thing you can really do is refrain from joining it

diavolo’s face DROPS. all that confidence from before? GONE. you are staring into the face of a heartbroken man

your heartstrings are tugged but there will be other men and your beliefs are stronger than a cute prince

“why???” perhaps if he finds out the reason he can change your mind!

“well the human monarchies are just. they are just so bad. you know the english colonised so many countries they have enough to a mini olympics? and all that gold and jewels… i struggle to believe you got ALL of that from devildom…”

doesn’t really know what the olympics are but it sure doesn’t sound great in the way you’re using it

belphie is ruthlessly clapping you on the back, one of the seven sins should be selfishness the way he’s acting

lucifer scolds belphie for his behaviour but the damage is done,

diavolo’s only answer is “oh… okay… so no monarch bf for you then…” and it looks like everything settles afterwards

barbatos feels terrible for the prince but at the same time perhaps the man will get some work done. PLEASE get some work done the country needs it-

he’s relieved for exactly one day before diavolo summons him in and goes “what if i give up my title yes or no”

sorry, what. you’ve come up with some stupid ideas before but this is ABSOLUTELY the worst

“i was doing some research and there was this harry guy who gave up his title for his lover! that could be me!” diavolo shows him an article and it takes barbatos exactly five seconds to come up with a rebuttal

“the harry man had an older brother.”

“oh yea i guess i should wake up dad so he can make another heir huh”

all this stress is going to kill him. this is EASILY the worst thing he’s ever experienced

“i could wait for him to wake up on his own but like, what if mc is DEAD by then?!?? what if one of the brothers has taken her?? idk if i wanna risk that…”

barbatos needs to shut this idea down RIGHT NOW

“my lord, what the fuck are you talking about.”

“it’s a good idea!!”

“NO IT IS NOT WHAT THE HELL HAS MC DONE TO YOU. YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THIS DEVILDOM.”

“not if i give up my title i don’t! :D”

barbatos has no choice. he is dragging both lucifer AND you to talk some sense into the guy. nothing he’s saying is working clearly, lucifer is horrified at the suggestion and you’re thinking of ways to secretly escape the room

“DIAVOLO THIS COUNTRY WILL FAIL IF YOU DO THAT.”

diavolo wrinkles up his nose and everyone is concerned he’s had one too many bottles of demonus because he leans in and whispers “but have you considered: i love mc”

the whisper is not very quiet, actually it’s more of a stage whisper and you’re kind of standing there awkwardly. like you expected him to love you but taking this stance is kind of deranged and not improving your view of royalty at all

now everyone is staring at you and expecting you to say something. you have no idea what to say that could possibly be different to what the other two have said??

“diavolo. man. what the fuck are you talking about. have you been overworked or something go get some rest,”

a very confident (who’s apparently in a silly goofy mood) demon prince answers with “i am deeply in love with you and am sad that you will not be mine, but as long as i am not a royal it’s not a problem right??”

you’re speechless. like what is there to say to that. perhaps some time with simeon (and a lot of sleep) would shake him out of this but none of your thoughts are really working right now,

“yeah sorry guys you’re on your own with this one”

barbatos has decided that crucification should not just be for blasphemers but for you too