#read; a lot of things he is blamed for or blames himself for are failures to be perfect and without mistakes

[dxxtruction]

I still think the photos were either an absent minded accident to where no one can be really sure who made it (several people have had access to the archives and have sorted through it over presumable many years) or deliberately planted by Rashid for Daniel’s benefits to go through the files uninterrupted. Because I think it’s a better display of how Armand is operating here simply out of a complete disinterest to be supportive, accountable to anything, or understanding of what the aim of all this is, and his care for Louis only goes about as far as himself, especially where the threat of exposure or abandonment is concerned. In short he has a disdain for this entire interview, let alone Louis history and inner struggles with it, and for selfish reason, so the photos, regardless of how they got in there, expose him of this. It clues us in about how his love is conditional on meeting his expectations of it not ending or being threatening in some way, especially where his sense of security is concerned, but he’s extremely possessive of who he loves so manipulates as much as he can to prevent this, to a point, and in such ways, it is just emotionally abusive. Though we also do see a result of when he’s offered something else that his love can shift easily to someone else if they are simply offering him all this sense of security, so his possessiveness is conditioned on the fact he has no other better options of getting his strong desires for this kind of love met.

Anyway, if it’s an accident like that, and let’s say it’s one Armand happened to have made, it falls right in line with this even more, though I think the point is we actually can’t know if this is the case of it as even he doesn’t know who did it. Though if there were any care he’d probably not point fingers at Louis who is the one who’d be least likely to have made such a mistake, but he doesn’t care and is just mad about being blamed by Louis, so does carelessly throw it out there.

And if they served a purpose of allowing Daniel to access the files for an extended period, which he couldn’t do much earlier when Raglan initially sent them over without raising suspicions, one can make the assumption that Rashid, who we find out is working for the Talamasca, did it for Daniel’s benefit so he could do so undercover.

Just my two thoughts.

[bittersweetcatharsis]

Mr. Curly Mouthwashing is such an interesting and tragic character to me. Not tragic in the way that Anya is- good God, not in the way that Anya is. But tragic in the way that he is a victim of himself, of his own naivety, of his own limited perspective and blind trust. A victim of his own actions and arrogance, and a victim of the direct consequences that stemmed from his poor decisions.

I see a lot of people reading Curly’s character in a way that I just personally didn’t. I could very well be wrong, and I’m certainly open to the possibility, but I actually prefer to think that I’m right, because it’s these layers and dimensions to his character that make him so interesting and complex.

He wasn’t a “bad” guy. Not in the way that Jimmy is, who had every opportunity to do the right thing just ONCE, and yet failed to, because that selfishness and cowardice is ingrained in his very core. Unlike Jimmy, Curly was just an ignorant guy. Not malicious by intent, but ignorant nonetheless. That doesn’t justify anything he did, or anything he failed to do, but it explains more about him than a simple write-off of his character does.

Curly was operating under an illusion of grandeur. His belief of his power transcended his position and extended into every facet of his life. His approach to confronting Jimmy wasn’t because he didn’t believe Anya, but because he viewed Jimmy as misunderstood just as much as Jimmy himself did. He inappropriately sought nuance in a situation that didn’t need it. On top of Curly and Jimmy’s history and camaraderie- as well as Jimmy’s raging victim-complex that so obviously influenced Curly’s perception of him- the fact that he was disillusioned by the extent of his control ultimately led him in failing to protect his crew. Anya especially.

In the very beginning of the game, we see him talk about how he knows he should have raised more of a concern about adding a fifth member of his crew without enough cryo-pods to accommodate Daisuke. It is this blatant dismissal of safety protocol that reveals just how shortsighted and ignorant Curly can be. And when Anya revealed her abuse to Curly, it’s this same ignorance that led him to confronting Jimmy.

Curly wasn’t trying to dismiss Anya, and he certainly wasn’t trying to betray her. He simply lacked her perspective. As a man, he couldn’t begin to fathom the feminine experience with the intrinsic evils of masculinity and the patriarchy. He has this almost childlike sense of optimism, thinking Jimmy would reveal himself to be a deeply flawed and misguided- but ultimately good- person, only to be confronted with the reality of Jimmy’s narcissism, insecurity, and apathy. By then, it was too late. He was an enabler. He had protected Jimmy. He had given him all the resources to hurt the very people he was entrusted to protect. It was a wake up call that came too late, a raising of red flags after Jimmy’s evil had already been revealed.

Curly should be held accountable for his failures and shortcomings- “take responsibility”- but I also believe he should be viewed sympathetically. It’s too easy to brush past the little details that make him so damn human in pursuit of a simple explanation. There are some people, like Jimmy, who have a full understanding of their privilege, and weaponize it as a means to control, coerce and abuse the people around them. Then there are others, like Curly, whose privilege has been so second-nature to them that it becomes entirely invisible. Had Curly realized this earlier, he very well could have prevented the fate of himself, of Anya, of Daisuke, and of Swansea. Even as a victim of Jimmy’s derangement himself, Curly ultimately was a perpetrator in his own right.

I don’t think Curly is a “bad” guy. I think he’s just a wrong guy. A guy who was arrogant, but not malicious. Ignorant, but not evil. He’s just as easy to blame as he is to mourn. He’s a walking paradox. He’s an absolutely brilliant character.

[hwnglx]

this is a request i had planned in the past, but never came around to do it. felt very drawn to read on jk, so 🖤 enjoy

jungkook's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

+ jungkook is very likable off camera. he knows how to socialise, make friends and have a good time. there is a very non-judgemental energy to him. he isn't a fan of conflict, tries to continuously seek harmony and peace in whatever environment he is in. if a fight broke out, he's the type of person to just stand there watching everyone argue, he wouldn't ever insert himself in the conflict voluntarily. he truly does not enjoy drama, and just wants things to calm down. i see him laughing while giving in like “알았어 알았어 니가 ��아” translating to “okay okay, you're right”, even if the person is dead wrong. one of the least competitive energies i've read for till now lmao, he's just very chill and despises negativity.

jungkook is an individual, who's careful and considerate about people's boundaries. he has this nice balance between being very caring and compassionate, but still giving the people he loves the space they need. he isn't someone who will rudely dig his nose into other people's business. he just lets them be and is great at adjusting his energy to the desires and needs of the people around him. very people-oriented and polite guy with nicely established manners. huge people pleaser.

in addition, the maknae is amazing at balancing his several priorities, without neglecting one or the other. he's the type of guy who will always have an open ear for you, despite having twenty projects and obligations going on behind the scenes. he's someone who puts a lot of value into fulfilling his responsibilities in a reliable manner, and always keeping his promise. if one day he fails to do so, others would probably be understanding of it due to his busy schedule; but jungkook is likely to feel disappointed in himself. he ties a lot of his self worth to the things he can do for others, to the ways in which he can be of use to other people. he feels like he's his best self when he's had some sort of positive impact on someone else. that's when he can go to bed with a peaceful mind.

jungkook is also blessed with an incredibly passionate nature. his mind is constantly racing and full of creative ideas he'd like to realize. he's the type of person who doesn't do anything in life halfheartedly. he relentlessly pours his entire heart, soul and energy into everything he does, and is extremely ambitious. not a lazy bone in this man.

- he's very peace-loving; however once this man is dissatisfied, especially with himself, he can quickly turn into someone way different. jungkook can get very impulsive and let his frustration out on others, if he isn't happy. once he's fired up, he can lose grip on his temper and lash out on others, because his emotions can get very overwhelming. he has this habit of constantly bottling up his negative feelings and thoughts, always swallowing the criticism in order to avoid conflict and confrontation; until the dam breaks, and his emotions find their way out in a very overpowering manner. i can feel that he hates this about himself, and always ends up blaming himself for the things he said in heated situations.

jungkook is very aware of how his immense perfectionism can stand in the way of not only himself, but his relationships as well. he's very difficult to satisfy, to the extent of frequently feeling discouraged and distressed about the things he does. i can see this stressing out the people around him too, which he can feel guilty about.

he's extremely scared of failure, and disappointing people, or not meeting their expectations. this can often result in him withdrawing and isolating himself. because once jungkook finds himself in self doubt, it can feel like an endless loop, and he struggles pulling himself out of that negative state of mind. he can get incredibly lonely. like very very lonely. jungkook is amazing at putting on a show for people, giving everyone whatever they want, doing everything he has to do and playing the role of this “perfect” man, but there is some emptiness behind the glamour. during the reading, i kept thinking of him debuting at such a young age, and kept seeing this young and clueless kid in front of me. ever since he was only just starting to understand the world, jungkook lived for others. he doesn't know who he is outside of the fame, he doesn't know how to live for just himself.

note; i kept hearing lonely by justin bieber in my head during this reading. i don't know if he knows or likes it, but he seems to connect to the message a lot.

i can truthfully say, that jungkook isn't an idol who enjoys the spotlight. he can often feel disconnected from fame. he feels like it's an extremely shallow and superficial thing, that looks nice from the outside, but doesn't give you the fulfillment you need in life. for a long time, he struggled figuring out and accepting who he is as a human, not just as an idol.

a lot of imposter syndrome for him. (=not feeling like you deserve to be in the position you're in) the entire world being obsessed with you is great, it shoots your ego up to the moon; but in jungkook's head, the idol that everyone is so in love with, is not truly him. he really struggles with the pedestal that comes with being this successful, and can feel like he doesn't live up to the guy that everyone makes him out to be. he isn't the perfect man everyone portrays him as, and i can feel him hating that everyone expects him to be that. you're receiving love, but not for who you are, instead for who you have to pretend to be. it's easy for idols to be under the impression that their raw and flawed self is of little value. jungkook has struggled a lot with his self-esteem because of this.

i recommend looking “imposter syndrome” up to really get an understanding of how he can feel at times. it sums up a lot.

[impish-baby]

Hey, could I have more HIWTHI content please? Possibly with them finding out reader would write in their journal a lot, possibly hinting towards reader having large amounts of self worth issues, and instead of them leaving because no one notices them, reader left because they feel like a burden?

I’m particularly interested in Marcus and the twins reacting.

Also, please make sure to take care of yourself. I love all of your writing, but no one will ever blame you for taking a break. Also, please stay hydrated.

-🌙

👀 close to something that would happen canonically actually!!

HIWTHI cast's reaction to reader's journal

(Trigger warnings: reader's struggles with self worth, mentioned/referenced suicide)

Marcus feels like a complete and utter failure as a father. No matter how cold or stern he is with his children, he does love all of them with everything in him. So the fact that you feel like a burden? That you felt like a waste of space in your own home? He hangs his head in shame.

Doesn't even bother with asking why you didn't speak up, he's well aware that this is his own shortcoming. It's his fault, that's the simple truth of the matter.

Once you are back home, you're required to start therapy. He'll even let you do in person instead of online if you promise to actually give it a shot, Marcus legitimately wants (needs) you to get better. He has no delusions of their being an overnight change, and so he tries to go at your pace.

There's lots of long conversations, firm reminders that you are loved and of value no matter what. Especially at night, he'll sit at the end of your bed and tell you how much you mean to him. He'd go on until he's blue in the face if that's what it takes for you to believe his words.

Clara refuses to believe what she's read for a long while. She knows it's real, she has the proof held in her hands. Just... her child, her baby, was struggling with almost the same thing she was. And she didn't know. She didn't know and now they're gone.

If she wasn't worried about reader before, she's actually terrified now. The worst outcome is going through her mind, because really, what was stopping you from doing something dangerous? Clara is constantly eyeing the news, fear eating her alive.

The next time she sees you, you're getting the tightest hug. The woman sobbing into your shoulder, thanking whatever higher being that her baby is safe.

You aren't allowed to have sharp objects, unportioned medication, or anything that could be used to harm one's self anymore. Clara doesn't care, she's not leaving a chance. She knows what it's like being in that state of mind. She'll be dammed if she doesn't start acting like a mother should and protecting her child.

Jack is bawling his eyes out right away. The pen ink in your diary smudging as his tears hit the paper. You...oh god..

He feels like the shitiest person on earth, he doesn't deserve to call himself an older brother. He knew Jaiden had his struggles, and now this..

He pockets the journal. Jack reads it as some form of punishment. You suffered with this, he'll suffer with it too. When you're back home, he's trying his best to include you in everything.

Movie nights, board games, he comes up with anything and everything so you can spend time together. See? He has fun with you, he likes hanging out with you, you aren't a burden..

Theo feels bitter, resentful. At your parents, at themselves, at the fact that you felt that way. His resolve to find you becomes ten times stronger, there isn't a single doubt in their mind that you need to come home.

Much like Marcus, they'll affirm how much you're loved and wanted any chance they get. Theo cages you in their arms and mumbles praises for what feels like forever. They'll even go into morbid detail about how everyone fell apart while you were gone just to prove how needed you are.

Jaiden is tempted to rip the pages out. He goes through a rollercoaster of emotions.

At first, he's pissed. That you didn't say anything, that you didn't do anything to get help, that you just sat there and felt fucking miserable for years-

He's ashamed. Deeply, deeply ashamed.

It feels.. awkward between you. Jaiden stares constantly, like he's never seen you before. When he finally breaks down sobbing, he's willing to beg at your feet if you'd forgive him for being such a horrible big brother

[worldimaginedreaming]

Imagine Being the Only One Who Understands Viktor — Part 2

Summary: You’ve always understood Viktor, but lately, he’s pushing himself too far again. This time, you're not afraid to speak your mind and remind him that even a genius needs someone who won’t let him spiral alone. Pairing: Viktor x Reader Word Count: ~1,300 Warnings: Emotional exhaustion, soft touch, comfort, banter, affection

You found him hunched over a table again, half-lit by the glow of the Hexcore and completely ignoring the world around him. Typical Viktor.

“Okay, listen,” you said, dropping a sandwich beside his stack of notes, “this is me being a supportive partner. But I swear, if you don’t eat something in the next five minutes, I’m flipping the whole lab table and blaming gravity.”

He didn’t even glance up. “The gravity argument would not hold. This table is bolted.”

You rolled your eyes and perched on the edge of the workbench. “Gods, you’re exhausting.”

He looked up at that just barely with a tiny smirk tugging at his lips. “And yet, you stay.”

“Yeah, well, someone’s gotta make sure you don’t disappear into your own brain. Jayce doesn’t count. He’s too busy flexing at reflective surfaces.”

That earned a soft chuckle, and honestly, it was worth the sarcasm just for that. You leaned forward, snagging a metal tool off the desk and pretending to inspect it.

“You remember what sleep is?” you asked, lightly. “Like, you lie down, close your eyes, and let your body rest for a change?”

“Mm.” He leaned back a little, cane resting across his knees. “It’s a distant memory.”

You clicked your tongue. “That’s depressing. Come on, Viktor. What’s going on? You’re running on fumes again.”

He hesitated. And then—softly, not like him—“I am afraid. If I pause, I fall behind. If I slow down, someone else overtakes what I’ve built. What I’ve risked everything for.”

You let that hang for a second. Then you hopped off the desk, walked over, and crouched in front of him. Not like a dramatic lover — just like someone who’s tired of watching someone they care about destroy themselves from the inside out.

“Look at me.”

He did. Slowly. Tired eyes, always calculating.

“You’re not a failure if you rest. You’re not weak if you lean on someone. And you don’t have to keep proving your worth to people who never earned your time in the first place.”

You gently touched his hand. Not romantic. Not desperate. Just there. Real.

“You already changed the world, Viktor. The only thing left is letting yourself enjoy it.”

He was quiet. But he didn’t pull away.

You smiled . “And also, you smell like copper and oil and three days without deodorant. So maybe just… stop for long enough to shower?”

That got a laugh a real laugh.

“You’re… something else,” he murmured.

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

He exhaled, and his fingers curled around yours without being asked. “Sometimes I think I don’t know how to be this way. With someone. Close.”

You looked up at him, suddenly more serious. “You don’t have to know. You just have to try. Let me figure it out with you.”

There was a long pause, like he was considering all the equations in his head that didn’t quite add up.

And then he said, softly, like the words scared him a little, “You make me want to stay.”

You swallowed. “Then stay. Right here. Just for a while.”

He nodded. Just once.

And for the first time in weeks, he let himself lean on you literally. Head resting against your shoulder, body heavy with exhaustion. You wrapped your arms around him and just held him, no science, no talking, no fixing.

Just quiet.

Later, after he fell asleep yes, actually asleep you covered him with a lab coat and whispered, “You don’t have to run so hard, genius. You’ve already got me.”

And for once, even the Hexcore stayed quiet.

A/N : Here's the second part for " Imagine Being the Only One Who Understands Viktor — Part 2"

Hope u like it ! Want a part 3 ? Ask me ^^!! Have a good reading !!

Don't forget to Like, Share and Subscribe !🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[lancermylove]

His Weaknesses, Fears, & Insecurities

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Pairing: Leaders x gn!Reader

Warning: None

This post only contains part of the HCs. To read the full HCs, click here.

———————————————

Malleus

His horns are sensitive to the touch. He’s glad he’s tall, and few can reach his horns.

Cakes are his krypto.

The prince has a fear of rejection. He has already been pushed away and left out so many times that he doesn’t want to think about people who are important to him pushing him away.

Speaking of being left out, the thought of being lonely and having no one around him shakes him to the core.

He has a habit of overthinking and overanalyzing.

Leona

Leona has a hard time adjusting to the cold weather. He braves through it but hates winter from the bottom of his heart.

He’s a beastman, so his ears are overly sensitive, not only from touch but also from sounds. When he hears high-pitched sounds, it makes him see red.

His body is so used to sleeping for most of the day that it has become his habit. If he has to go a day without naps, Leona is grumpy af.

Pride, you say? He refuses to accept it. It’s not his weakness; it’s his birthright – he’s a lion and a prince.

Fear of losing you. This is a deep-rooted fear, but he will not be able to tell you.

Idia

He’s sensitive to the sunlight. Not only is his skin pale, but he stays cooped up in his room most of the time, so his skin can’t handle the sun.

Lack of sleep. Why sleep when you can dedicate that time to video games?

Major social anxiety. Crowds = nope.

Not able to make decisions. While he may not overthink as much as others, Idia is naturally indecisive, especially if the decision includes other people, like where do you want to eat?

Azul

Distrust in others, but also others don’t trust him. Due to his past, he doesn’t trust people, at least not easily. When others don’t trust him, he calls them smart.

He doesn’t like showing his octopus form, but Azul can’t go one day without being near water. He always misses being under the ocean, but shh, you didn’t read anything.

He has a lot of insecurities due to his past, and even if he is sensitive to certain things, Azul won’t let others see it.

Azul does not take failure well. He eventually bounces back, but it takes a strong mental toll on him.

Riddle

Quick tempered, but no one dares to tell him this. Riddle knows somewhere in his heart but refuses to let his brain process it.

He is a perfectionist and sees no problem with it. Does he want everyone to be perfect? No, he’s just too strict with himself because people have high expectations of him, and Riddle will live up to them.

Riddle has a fear of disappointing people, especially since his overblotting incident. He still can’t believe he broke one of the biggest rules for any magic user.

Vil

His face has to be in perfect condition all the time. If he notices even one hair out of place, Vil will get stressed (and fix it immediately).

His skin is also delicate, so any harsh conditions will affect him immediately. But he has a skin care product for everything, so his skin will bounce back no matter what.

Wrinkles. He better not see even one wrinkle; otherwise he will face mask the hell out of it. He fears aging and doesn’t want to see anything happen to his beautiful skin.

Being compared to Neige. He has learned his lesson after his overblotting, but Vil still can’t handle being compared to Neige.

Kalim

Kalim gets so hyper that he runs out of energy very quickly. But his energy comes back just as fast.

His overly trusting nature gets him into trouble quickly and makes him an easy target for others. He sees good in everyone and can’t see the red flags. Luckily, Jamil reads the situation fast enough and stops Kalim from getting badly hurt.

He tends to blame himself for things that are out of his control. Even if someone explains it’s not his fault, Kalim feels guilty and continues to feel that way for days.

His sheltered upbringing makes him oblivious to many things, especially danger and people with ulterior motives.

———————————————

➣ All Masterlists

➣ TWST Masterlist: [Genre][By Characters]

➣ Tumblr Only ML: TWST ML

[yichens]

Pit Babe Characters x Cartomancy ➣ Part 2: Alan & Jeff

King of Hearts: A caregiver and a protector. Others look for them for guidance and reassurance. Eight of Diamonds: Focusing on the bigger picture. Keeping an eye out for any problems or errors.

for @pitbabeanniversary week 2 prompts: alan & jeff

(more thoughts under the cut!)

disclaimer: i am not an expert in either cartomancy or tarot reading. i did a lot of research on these two sites to come up with these cards for the characters. some of the meanings associated with the cards are still only my own interpretation, so they might not be completely accurate.

continuing to analyze the characters of pit babe through playing cards by saying a few words of my fave couple in the series ^^

alan: king of hearts was a very obvious choice for alan. the descriptions say that this card represents a "family man" and i instantly knew it was going to be alan's card. he is the dad of the group after all, the caregiver, the guardian to his own bunch of lost boys. he would give everything to those he loves and the others know this. they look up to him and think of him as the rock, as someone to lean on and someone to keep them safe. he is their financial and emotional support and often makes the final decisions.

but his position is also hard to keep, and the duty he's taken upon carrying sets alan up to failure throughout the story. he asks a lot from himself, and so he fails over and over again: he fails to protect his boys, fails to offer them proper guidance and support, fails with money and their plans and with understanding them all. i think he convinces himself of his complete failure as a guardian when dean first betrays them and then when way eventually dies. he thinks those events were somehow his fault. if he had been better and had noticed something off sooner, would way still be alive? and if he had been able to give more, would dean be happier now? he carries all of this alone, and so i thought "family" was both his gift and a burden.

jeff: just like with charlie, it was a bit harder to interpret jeff through these cards. i initially placed him somewhere amongst spades – problems and bad omens seem to be his specialty. but then i saw the description for this one and got caught on the mention of "eyes". that seemed to click bc what else is jeff but the eyes of the group, the seer of everything? he's that both willingly and unwillingly, always around when things are looking down, always witnessing all these events yet unable to do anything but watch.

that's why the edit itself turns into a collection of moments when jeff is reduced to an observer, someone who is unable to do anything but watch. as someone who sees the future but cannot affect it, he must be sick of this position. he needs to watch others suffer, knowing the pain was coming but incapable of stopping it. his apology to alan echoes in my ears – him blaming himself for way's death. it's hard to let go and not fight the future when you know it will hurt those you care about. i get why jeff has tried to remain alone and i admire his bravery for opening his heart and stepping out of his cave. he's an essential part of the group and does his very best to offer comfort when he cannot do anything else to help.

as a pair, alan and jeff are a bit special as they're the only fully red pair amongst these card duos. they're a mix of hearts and diamonds, a perfect balance of emotion and intelligence, heart and mind. no wonder alan so easily opens up to jeff and allows himself to rely on the youngster's guidance, while jeff cannot help but go soft in front of alan's genuine love and care for others. they're a match made in heaven, even in this :'D

[begrudging-fudanshi]

So i stared reading windbreaker after i saw your post about it , it's wholesome manga with amazing fights

in your opinion Why didn't nii satoru reveal Sakura's past until now ? Why was Sakura alone ?

Hell yeah. Welcome to the fandom. I'm glad my propaganda has been working.

To be honest, I've been thinking about this series way too much over the last couple weeks, so this is probably going to be A Lot. I am dumping a lot of accumulated thoughts in here and simultaneously trying to keep a bunch of other thoughts from cluttering it up. If any of this feels disjointed, it's because I've been trying (I swear) to not make this like 10,000 words long lmao.

(CW: Wind Breaker manga spoilers + discussion of child neglect, trauma, feelings of worthlessness, parental loss, grief, and a suicide attempt in the context of the series. Hope you're ready for some pain.)

I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order, because I think they're actually very closely connected.

Sadly, my read on Sakura's past is really dark. Based on what we know so far, there's a lot to suggest that Sakura has been badly neglected for a long time, both physically and emotionally. Based on his lifestyle and the way he talks about himself, I really struggle to believe that he's received any genuine affection or care in many years, if ever. (I'm so glad he was able to go to Furin.)

The flashbacks at the start of episode 1 of the anime suggest he was taken in by relatives who didn't want him, and I think they basically set him up for failure in every way. They seem to have done the bare minimum required of them by the law, like sending him to school, but I can see no evidence that they did much of anything else. Like, what kind of asshole sends a 15-year-old kid to live alone in a barren apartment with literally nothing to wear except his school uniform? Caring people wouldn't let a kid live like that. (That said, I have a bad feeling that his lifestyle seen in chapter 56 is an upgrade compared to what he had before.)

Given this, it's clear Sakura really means it when he says he's always done things by himself. I think this is why he looks so torn up when his friends show him real kindness and why he's so sensitive to anyone showing affection. I also think this means that he really wants to forget his past. This is a big part of why we haven't seen it revealed yet: Sakura isn't ready to revisit it, himself.

---

Something interesting about Wind Breaker's backstories is that they all (as far as I and my notes can remember) follow a consistent pattern. They're not just lore dumps that tell us about the character's past. They actually follow each character through a process of changing their beliefs about themselves, often based on their view of the past. This is why they're all in the first person. Some of these changes happen in the present while others are part of flashbacks, but either way the process is basically the same.

In each backstory, the character starts out believing something about themselves that gives rise to a contradiction that keeps them trapped. This belief somehow keeps them from living their best life and, often, stops them from changing their ways to make their best life possible. However, someone else helps them challenge that belief, giving rise to a revelation that lets them change how they see themselves. This change enables them to see new possibilities and lets them move forward towards the life they want.

For example:

Umemiya believed his parents would blame him for their deaths, so he couldn't let himself grieve them nor believe that he deserved to live. His guilt blocked out his memory of the event, keeping him from remembering what really happened. However, a nameless(?) Furin student and Shitara helped him realize that his parents saved him and were happy to see him survive. Thus, he was able to grieve and imagine a future for himself other than his self-destruction.

Kaji believed that his rage was uncontrollable and couldn't even see himself as human. Hiragi helped him realize that he could manage his triggers and change his behavior to be able to find acceptance and live his life.

Tsubaki believed that she couldn't like pretty things or express herself how she wanted. Ito and Yui helped her learn to dress up and present herself the way she liked, allowing her to accept herself and transition. (I know she's not canonically transgender but that's still the best way I can see to describe it.)

After Yui's death, Ito believed that she might never have truly loved him. Tsubaki, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei help him realize the secret meaning of the tree that she planted in his garden, letting him live his life without worrying if she was truly happy.

What's important here is that the character must be ready to have their beliefs about themselves challenged so they can understand their full truth. Otherwise, their story of their past would be incomplete. (Consider what Umemiya's backstory would have sounded like if he still believed he was a murderer.) In fact, we already have an example of this that I'll get to, next.

Because Sakura isn't yet in a position to challenge the beliefs holding him back, he can't reveal his past, either. He has friends helping him, but it's going to be a while before they've truly shaken his most unhelpful beliefs.

---

That said, this process has actually played out with Sakura once before and I think it tells us a lot. It shows us exactly why he's not ready to reveal his past.

In chapter 1, Sakura starts out believing that he's meant to always be alone, leading him to initially reject the people of Makochi. Then, Kotoha helps him acknowledge that he does want to be accepted and convinces him to give it a shot. However, while this is great progress and very necessary for Sakura's growth, this isn't a complete resolution. He still has an even more deep-seated belief that has to be addressed.

In addition to asserting that he's meant to be alone, Sakura also lays out another belief in chapter 1 that I argue really gets to the root of his deepest trauma. He doesn't quite say it explicitly, but it underpins both his belief that he's meant to be alone and that he's worth nothing but his fists.

The closest he comes to naming it is when he describes Furin. He says it's "The lowest of the low, hated by all others, worth nothing but their fists … It's a battle to determine the trashiest of the trash. That suits me perfectly."

I have to admit, the first few times I heard and read this, I completely missed how fucked up it is for a 15-year-old kid to say this about himself. I think I've gotten so used to taking shonen protagonists' confident declarations at face value that I just didn't question it, in the same way I've learned not to question, say, 12-year-old Gon deciding to become a pro hunter and travel the world fighting adults. The way it's presented very deliberately (and, I think, cleverly) blunts the impact as well, making use of shonen stylistic conventions to disguise it as stereotypical shonen protagonist bluster. This mirrors how Sakura masks his deeper feelings about himself.

However, as I read through the rest of the manga, it became clear that this is what Sakura actually, deeply believes. He's 15 years old and he truly sees himself as trash—in other words, worthless. The only way he can imagine finding worth in himself is through his strength. Even then, this is only for Sakura himself. He can't let himself imagine anyone else ever valuing him for any reason, so he must find self-worth all on his own. To put it more sharply, he can't imagine deserving unconditional love. Based on what little we do know about his past, this belief stems from a lifetime of emotional neglect.

The thing is, Sakura's belief that he's worthless is actually, paradoxically, a coping mechanism. As horrible as it is, it helps him rationalize his life in a way that lets him keep living despite his neglect and isolation. If he's truly worthless, then he's never had a reason to expect being loved or accepted by anyone—he's always been meant to be alone. This is how he can tell himself that he doesn't care and has given up. This lets him bury the pain of his isolation and pretend it doesn't truly hurt. By believing that he has always been worthless and unable to be (to deserve being) loved, he has had no reason to get his hopes up for the future, nor any reason to question why he's been treated so badly in the past. He can accept it (has to accept it), even if he hates it, because it was always inevitable.

Notice how Sakura reminds himself that he's given up right before punching the Spaltips' leader in chapter 1. This is the story he tells himself to contain the hurt. He does something similar in chapter 56, reminding himself that he's supposed to be alone as he grapples with his friends' kindness. He bludgeons himself with this reminder as a way to push away thoughts about his past. He then shifts his focus to thinking about his growing care for his friends rather than his feelings about himself. Once again, Sakura makes himself turn away.

The trouble is, this belief is his only means of holding back an unfathomable amount of pain inside of him. It's the only way he knows how to live with all the myriad ways he's been treated like shit. To doubt his own worthlessness, therefore, is to expose himself to overwhelming grief. Because, if he isn't worthless, he then has to ask himself why he had to suffer for so long. That kind of question is too awful for him—for pretty much anyone—to face on their own. This coping mechanism protects him, but it also traps him and prevents him from finding relief.

This comes to a head in chapter 1, as the townspeople surround him and the old woman tries to tend to his wound. As she reaches towards him, he screams at her to stay away. This act of genuine kindness fills him with terror. It's not just that he fears eventual rejection—Sakura fears the idea he could be accepted at all. Remember, he's just "failed" to win the fight and, worse, ended up having to be protected because he got hurt. Sakura could accept Kotoha's kindness earlier because he "earned" it by stopping her attackers, but now there's someone trying to help him for what feels like no reason. For Sakura, who must believe that he was never meant to be loved or accepted, being shown kindness for no apparent reason feels like an existential threat. It threatens to undermine the walls that he's built inside of him to keep going. This is why he allows Kotoha to help him instead—he can still rationalize her help as transactional.

This rationalization provides his means of escape. To accept his place in Makochi, he only has to accept that he doesn't have to be alone. He doesn't have to believe that he can be valued or loved unconditionally, nor that he deserved anything better. Instead, Sakura finds a way to "earn" his acceptance: The chapter culminates with Sakura accepting Bofurin, which he shows by leaping over all the others to kick the Spaltips' leader in the face.

By showing his strength, by upstaging the heroes and claiming his place among them, Sakura proves (to himself) that he is strong enough to be accepted. Rather than accept that he could always have been valued and accepted unconditionally—that he always could have been loved—Sakura would rather believe he's earned his acceptance based on his strength.

In this way, Sakura can continue to believe in his own worthlessness, saving himself from having to face his past. Because of this, even as he's learned that he can be accepted, he still maintained his belief that he was meant to be alone from the start (again, see chapter 56). This lets him continue to justify his past suffering and minimize his own pain.

This comes back around in chapter 162, when Sakura's classmates talk about his low self-esteem. Despite their efforts to show him that he's loved and valued, Sakura ultimately still believes he's only worth his strength. We see how he rejects Umemiya's praise, unable to understand how he could be praised when he "failed". Sakura can't believe he could be valued when he couldn't even single-handedly save the town.

But, as long as he believes this, his past will remain a mystery, not just to his friends and to us as readers, but even to Sakura himself. Just as Umemiya's repression kept him from realizing that his parents loved him, Sakura's repression keeps him from realizing that he has always deserved to be loved. He cannot acknowledge, can't even recognize, the pain he's endured in his life, because he still has to believe it didn't matter. Because of this, he can't let himself grieve or admit that he has always deserved better. He's still trapped believing he must always prove his worth through his strength alone.

Of course, changing this isn't going to be easy. He will get there. His friends will help him through it. Still, it's going to be rough. I think it'll be a while yet before he's ready to tell us about his past.

---

Addendum

All of that being said, something I really love about Wind Breaker is how hopeful it is and the way it shows Sakura living despite his past. To that end, I want to note one last thing: Sakura can still smile, despite everything else. No matter what he tells himself, he still feels hope.

I mentioned above that I didn't recognize Sakura's low self-esteem at first because it's masked with stereotypical shonen protagonist confidence. I think this is very deliberate by the author. We're supposed to see Sakura as cool, confident, and badass in the beginning, only to realize that he's also hurting inside. (Emphasis: that's also, not instead. These aren't mutually exclusive.) Sakura's cocky grin is part of a mask he wears, but it's not a lie.

While I believe Sakura has suffered a lot, it's important to emphasize that he's not broken or doomed to drown in grief. What I've laid out here is what I believe is going on beneath the surface, and I do believe he's going to have to face his trauma eventually, but let's not forget that our boy can still smile after all of that. The fact that he can smile doesn't mean that he's not hurting, but the fact that he's hurting doesn't mean he only feels pain. Let's not do him dirty by miring our view of him in grief. Instead, as we acknowledge how much he's suffered, let's also be happy at just how far he's come and hopeful for how far he'll go in the future.

[laylainalaska]

Still on my MASH nonsense, I watched 8x22 "Dreams" last night and I'm completely full of meta thoughts about it. I don't think I'm going to cut this for spoilers for a 40-year-old episode (unless it gets long) because I figure everyone reading this has probably either seen it or doesn't care.

So I think what fascinated me most is that Hawkeye and Charles were the only people out of the main cast whose great fear was specifically not being able to save people because they weren't good enough. This fascinates me doubly because Hawkeye also dreamed Charles into his dream, trapped in the same hell he's in, and then this is reflected in the finale (I'm watching out of order, I watched the finale recently even though I still haven't seen most of seasons 9-11), when Charles and Hawkeye are the two people with the most visible emotional trauma from the war and specifically about people they failed to save in it.

There were other people whose dreams were clearly about the tragedy of soldiers dying around them (Margaret and Mulcahy in particular) but not in a way that really feels quite so much like they're blaming themselves for it, whereas Hawkeye and Charles's dreams very clearly were about that.

Okay, this did get long, so I'll cut it a bit.

In general, going through the dreams in no particular order:

Potter's been around so much and seen so much that he's not even that affected by what's happening; he just has a fairly nice dream about his childhood. (Though he also got interrupted in the middle, so it's possible things would have gone bad later.)

Margaret has the other most complicated dream next to Hawkeye's; like Hawkeye's, hers is full of symbolic elements and changes. I read Margaret's dream mainly as craving home and family, which the war is constantly taking away from her, leaving her alone with a marriage bed full of dead soldiers and a wedding dress drenched in blood.

BJ misses his wife and blames the war for taking him away from her.

Klinger is simply afraid that the only way he's going home is as a corpse.

Mulcahy is probably the other one who has a dream that's the most similar to Hawkeye and Charles's in terms of sheer guilt; his is about faltering faith, in which even the trappings of the highest office in his faith can't stop him from being splashed with the blood of the dead.

Charles dreams of all his skills and talents as nothing more than empty stage magic that can do nothing to stop a patient from dying in front of him, while everyone stands around judging him and slowly recognizing him for a fraud.

And Hawkeye dreams himself and Charles into the world's most horrifying medical school, in which he (and Charles, more indirectly) are tortured for not paying attention and failing to answer questions correctly.

I think what really gets to me about the first part of Hawkeye's dream is how terrified and hurt they both look.

Their entire body language is that of kids being punished, who are trying to avoid drawing attention and being punished more.

Charles dreamed of failing to save patients as a direct personal failure, with adoration turning to condemnation as people realize he's a fraud. Whereas Hawkeye sees both himself and Charles as victims of an impersonal system that punishes them cruelly for failing - but it's still Hawkeye's failure that leads to punishment.

I actually thought this was going in a slightly different direction with Hawkeye being forced to choose whether to give up his own limbs or sacrifice Charles's; instead it's Charles being ordered to torture him, clearly not wanting to but doing it anyway - I think that there's just a lot to unpack here about how Hawkeye sees himself and everyone around him as being victimized by an unfair system that brutalizes them constantly.

And then he ends up surrounded by the pieces of the people he couldn't save, unable to help anyone because he has no hands to help them with, and the helicopters just keep coming - oh, Hawkeye.

MASH: a comedy.

Tying this to the finale, though, it made me think that after Hawkeye (and Mulcahy, who is similar to Hawkeye in bleeding for everyone who's hurt in the war) Charles probably has the next-highest tendency to get attached to people that he meets as one-offs in various episodes, which is fascinating because you wouldn't think he would be like that, but that's what got to him in the finale, was bonding with people he'd only just met. And he does that off and on throughout the series, too, like in the episode with the injured musician, or the stutterer, or the baby episode.

BJ and Margaret simply compartmentalize better. BJ's entire life is centered back home, where nothing that happens to him out here is really going to affect him as much. And Margaret has a fairly highly developed ability to be empathic in the moment but turn it off later - I'm not saying she's unfeeling, she clearly isn't, but as someone in a profession where she deals with helping injured people with their physical needs and soothing their pain all day every day, she has to.

Charles isn't high-empathy in the same way Hawkeye is, but once he sees his patients as people, he can't really unsee it, and he can't turn it off and on as easily (which I think is the thing both BJ and Margaret can do; they can feel for the people they're helping and then let it go and move on - they're both emotionally healthy enough to recognize that it's not their fault if things turn out badly and let it go). Charles is harder to get emotionally engaged but once he does, he gets really into fixing things for that person, I think.

And Hawkeye can't turn it off at all, poor guy 😭; he bleeds for everyone like that, all the time.

[poppitron360]

“Trust me, Hephaestus cabin doesn’t see fire powers as cool. Nyssa told me that they’re super rare. When a demigod like me comes around bad things happen. Really bad.”

“Maybe it’s the other way around,” Jason suggested. “Maybe people with special gifts show up when bad things are happening because that’s when they’re needed most.”

Leo cleared away the plates. “Maybe. But I’m telling you… It’s not always a gift.”

Jason fell silent. “You’re talking about your mom, aren’t you? The night she died.”

Leo didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. The fact that he was quiet, not joking around- that told Jason enough.

“Leo, her death wasn’t your fault. Whatever happened that night- it wasn’t because you could summon fire. This Dirt Woman, whoever she is, has been trying to ruin you for years, mess up your confidence, take away everything you care about. She’s trying to make you feel like a failure. You’re not. You’re important.”

“That’s what she said,” Leo looked up, his eyes full of pain. “She said I was meant to do something important- something that would make or break that big prophecy about the seven demigods. That’s what scares me. I don’t know if I’m up to it.”

Jason wanted to tell him that everything would be all right, but it would’ve sounded fake. Jason didn’t know what would happen. They were demigods, which meant sometimes things didn’t end okay. Sometimes you got eaten by the Cyclops.

____________________________________________________________________

“The Lost Hero” Pg. 285-286.

A REMINDER- JASON:

Told Leo he was needed

Was able to see through the mask of the jokes

Told Leo his mom’s death wasn’t his fault

Told him that Gaea was only doing it to get inside his head and that he shouldn’t blame himself (FACTS)

Told him he wasn’t a failure

Told him he was important

Wanted to tell him everything would be alright

Generally just listened and was there for him and made himself a safe place where Leo could open up and be vulnerable

Earlier in this scene he also told him his powers were cool and that he wasn’t a freak.

Is too pure for this world

Several times throughout the book he comments on how awesome Leo is and how hard he’s working

Is an amazing boyfriend best friend to Leo

What did Calypso do?:

Yelled at him

Threw stuff at him

Told him she didn’t want him because he didn’t look as “Heroic” as Percy or Odysseus

Made him sleep outside

Probably a lot more that I’ve forgotten about

Just generally treats him like shit

And that’s only HoH- I’m still reading BoO

[frogdisco2021]

You know if you think about Laurent's perspective in book 1 you'll notice that some of the worst things he does are things that a lot of regular people will openly fantasize about, the only difference is that he had the ability to actually attempt to enact these things.

Warning: I'm about to talk about rape and sexual assault a lot

It's pretty clear that book 1 Laurent sees Damianos not just as his brother's killer but also as a rapist, he's literally shocked that Damen would not rape a child, shocked that he has any morals at all. It's understandable why he sees Damen this way, he's not 100% wrong, he knows Damen had sex slaves and Damen himself later comes to terms with the fact he was a participant in non-consensual sex, regardless of how he was groomed to view it as normal and fine. Not just the slaves but the fact that Laurent knows what Akielon soldiers do to the people whose villages they raid, as Damen describes in book 3, and probably assumes that Damen takes part in these crimes or at the very least condones them.

How many times have you seen seemingly moral people fantasize about a rapist getting raped in prison? Seen them talk about rape as retribution and justice served for certain kinds of criminals? Hell, you, person reading this, might have done this yourself at some point.

The only difference is that Laurent had the power to actually try to make this happen, to gain some kind of catharsis from facilitating the rape of someone he viewed as a rapist and a murderer, who he assumed would have no qualms about raping children, who he also blamed for causing his own rape.

None of this makes his actions okay, neither the narrative nor Laurent's character attempt to justify anything he did, but it makes his moral failures as a person, as severe as they are, seem much more human upon recontextualizing. Because it's not difficult to imagine where his mind was at and how he was justifying it to himself, and it's a way of thinking about retributive justice that a lot of people even in our modern world tend to fall into, unfortunately.

It at the very least makes these actions much more explainable outside of pure sexual sadism, as one might think upon their first read. It wasn't "I want to watch this random guy I now own get raped for fun" but rather "he murdered my brother, he rapes slaves and probably other people too, he deserves it."

It's still not okay, I'm very much opposed to the sentiment that certain types of criminals "deserve" to be raped as a form of vengeance, but let's not lie to ourselves that this is not a common sentiment amongst the general public that make his motives much more understandable and makes him less of a monster.

Laurent was never a monster, he was a good person doing terrible, unjustifiable things out of a misguided sense of retributive justice.

[inkyycapp]

| rayman, ramon & raymesis x reader.

| relationship hcs.

personal song of choice: in my room, by insane clown posse.

i've seen so many rayman edits to this song, it now has him written alll over it. fuuuuuuckkkkkkk. do i write smut? (probably). just take this for now.

| tw:: foul language, raymesis/j, my own hcs, self indulgence, (heavy?)angst, they're all struggling, this is not proof read.

[ a/n:: we need more rayman. i'm still new to writing fanfics(aside my horrid watpad {i forgot how to spell it} phase.) forgive my errors and i hopefully plan to write more of him. he haunts my nightmares(lovingly). i'm ill rn, and wrote most of this in a sleep deprived craze for more rayman. first time writing these characters-- forgive me. ]

(soh/game)rayman.

i feel like he'd be the type to randomly pinch you especially when he feels like he's being ignored, or when you're 'busy'.

he always does it when you least expect it. sitting on the couch, scrolling on your phone/reading a book? pinch. getting something to drink? pinch. stargazing? pinch.

loves the little reactions he gets from you. giggles over it. i bet he kicks his feet too.

definitely the type to swipe food from your plate when you're not looking, then gaslight you about it.

you're missing a potato wedge? nuh-uh. you're crazy. how dare you assume that your handsome, loving, amazing boyfriend would ever steal from you. the betrayal...(he did it.)

i like to think he enjoys hand kisses. random thought, but i dunno. i think he'd like to kiss your palms as a source of reassurance, and of course receiving the same affection back would probably give him a heart attack. in a good way of course.

or when you're a bit stressed in public and hold onto the back of his hoodie. like slightly holding onto the fabric where it's almost unnoticeable. probably the cutest thing you could ever do in his eyes. (that or giving him a lil kiss.)

silly things aside, he stuggles a lot. his failures that haunt him day in and out, he's scared to know how long it takes before he fails you too.

simple mistakes can lead to him getting stressed or overwhelmed as he doesn't leave any room for his 'failures', even with something so simple as accidentally knocking something over, breaking stuff, etc... he truly believes that you are one mistake away from leaving him.

he tries to be forgiving of all things with consideration of course, but often times it backfires. he has a naïve view that everyone can, and will change. he wants to believe that they will change for the better, even if the person chooses not to change, or to change for the worse. he blames himself when things go south because of that, he wants to give someone a second chance, but sometimes do they really deserve it? he tells himself he should know better by now, and it was all nothing but wishful thinking. very forgiving for others, but the rules don't apply to himself.

be patient with him, and reassure him whenever you get the chance. he really needs it.

his sleep schedule is the most horrendous schedule you will have ever seen. it's teetering between a full on coma, or staying awake for days on end. he loves taking naps, but sometimes he just can't-- he has work to do. remind him breaks are necessary. force him to sleep when he needs it. for his naps(comas), i don't know. cry? if there's one thing that'll wake him up is the sound of you in distress.

rayman is a sucker for pet names. he will be a puddle of goo in you're hands.

you're in another room, and he's just lounging about. the next moment you're calling for him, needing his help with something? he's right there. like right behind you.

lives for simplicity. babe, baby, sweetheart, honey, hun/hon. consider whatever you need done. he's so whipped for you.

he's also pretty good with pda. again, the pinching. public, private, it doesn't matter. that cute little pout on you're face is something he'd kill for.

personally, i prefer the earlier games personality traits as opposed to (i believe)origins. i do enjoy the childish behavior, however i do believe his immaturity does have a limit. (living for soh!rayman.)

definitely the type to crack the funniest jokes at the worst times imaginable. it's his secret talent.

that, and hitting you with a one liner when you're both faced with a terrible situation. except that one liner is just so good-- you have to at least give him credit for that.

huge soft spot for sentimental gifts. always putting them somehwere safe, and when enough time passes, he likes to go over each and every one. reminiscing about all the little things.

raymesis.

[middle child energy.]

'a hot tempered psycho who's looking to destroy rayman's reputation'. not my words-- it's the wiki's.

with canonical anger issues under his belt(?), he's a bit more brash than the other two. when realizing he may like you, he may turn against you in almost violent ways. but, he hesistates everytime. always missing by a hair.

it takes him a while before he'd able to ever consider that maybe being vulnerable is okay-- just this once.

suprisingly a tad bit cautious of 'being nicer' to you, but he's trying his best.

raymesis is a thing-a-majig with a serious identity crisis.

i like to think that the some of the 4-5 vers. of the evil clones of rayman are just him having multiple 'phases'. it's fun to think of.

on a more serious note: he often feels like he's nothing but a lesser-- a shadow of the heroic rayman. maybe he looks up to him in a way, and finds jealousy in how he can just...keep going. how he's able to be so open, and forgive other so easily despite their past transgressions. he finds it unfair: why is it so difficult for him, but so easy for rayman. he's a clone of him, sure an evil clone, but a clone nonetheless. that's where the deep, dark spiral comes in.

linking to that he struggles to be nice, vulnerable, or open with you. he's supposed to be an evil clone of some heroic figure, and yet he's falling over himself because of you. in his own way, he gets extremely upset-- it pisses him off. he tries to be mean to you, but he can't bring himself to do so. he's supposed to be a 'bad person', but hurting you makes him seem like more of a monster than a villain.

this will all take time for him to process, the best thing you can do is be patient, listen to him rant, and just try and be there for him.

you have definitely mellowed him out, just a bit. he's still an asshole to rayman/j.

they're more like bickering siblings who never get along.

do not expect 'family(?)' dinners to go well.

i feel like mr.dark and the nymphs have serious beef with eachother. wwe smack downs every 'family(?)' dinner. always bet on the nymphs.

wouldn't it be cute for the nymphs to treat raymesis like their son too? just adopting him one day without him knowing? scolding him for lighting that one house down the street on fire?

raymesis doesn't like christmas trees.

there seems to be a reoccurring joke in the descriptions that claim raymesis is 'ugly' despite the fact he's a near clone of rayman. this always leaves him in a puddle of confusion with his confidence always shot. please tell him he's pretty once in a while-- he won't accept the compliment, but he'll think about it for days.

he's not used to praise, and can't take compliments. poor buddy.

he definitely bites. a lot.

of course he's a little more careful with you, he still bites now and again. i feel like he's an agressive lover. wanting to squeeze the life out of things he finds 'cute' without ever admitting it.

he has a purple tongue. that's kinda cool. i like to think he probably has a tongue piercing too? i feel like he's the type.

definitely plenty of pent up feelings that he has a hard time expressing.

but pda? oh yeah. lives for it. his hands always has to be on you in one way or another. get's all agitated, and sulks when you pull you're hand away from his to pick something up, or to rummage through your bag. how dare you-- you owe a huge apology.

pet names; babe/baby, sweetheart, creature, mine, stupid/idiot(lovingly). he's very silly with these.

he has a hard time believing you'd ever choose him compared to the hero, rayman. with time maybe he'll learn you love him, and choose him because he's your first choice.

(superiority complex.)

he may not be the best person, but he's at least willing to learn to be better in his own way.

ramon.

can we all agree on the amount of trust issues this man has right about now? good.

after the betrayal with eden whether you've been in his life for years or not, he finds it hard to put everything out in front. it'll take him some time to rebuild trust after what eden did. and no, him needing to rebuild the trust has nothing to do with you! (i mean that in a good way.) you did nothing wrong(unless you did) in his eyes but, he used to believe eden was his everything. and with that, eden took everything. he worries that with time they'll take you too.

give him reassurance, quality time, the whole mile. remind him you're not going anywhere.

while cuddling in bed(couch, etc) probably the type to refuse to let you go to the bathroom because he doesn't want to let you go.

honestly, very romantic.

he loves fruit, and chocolate covered fruit too.

will buy you some, but steals a few pieces when you're not looking. he's sneaky like that.

also known that he likes sushi, but i feel like he probably has beef with the conveyer belt things. probably a bad experience, or he's mad at it for no reason.

i think he likes habatchi. it's very entertaining.

he's the type to tell the most outrageous stories out of the blue. he's the absolute king of 'i used to know a friend'.

probably kept up with everyone's drama as the news host. stays awake at night thinking about it sometimes.

y'know when someone tells you a joke and you don't get it at first? this is him figuring out what they meant at like 2:30 am.

another terrible sleep schedule. like absolutely horrendous.

he probably has nightmares about his time as a news host. thinking of the lies he used to spread. how much each one impacted someone elses life.

wakes up in a cold sweat. ends up focusing on you're calm breathing, and tries to match it. eventually falls asleep, not before firmly pulling you close to him. even when you wake up, you'll never escape his grasp.

on an alternative route, if you did wake up, he's extremely apologetic. tries to usher you back to sleep. now you're both awake munching on some food watching some shitty trash tv, criticizing why she choose james over percy.

he's not keen on pda. he worries for you're life. it's already a risk for you to be with him-- what if eden sees?

pet names too, but more casual with them behind closed doors. definitely married-couple-core. sweetheart, brat when he's being a pain, or play fighting. hon/hun, baby when he's literally attached to you're hip.

has frequent chronic migraine. enjoys just burying his face into you're stomache and just laying there while you're doing whatever your doing. like a cat.

enjoys the comfortable silence between you two, but small conversation is just as nice.

has guns. you broke a lamp. doesn't let you touch no more./j

he actually prefers you have a gun on your person at all times, even in the comfort of home. you'll never know what could happen when you can't protect yourself.

| the end.

[a/n: sorry it's a little short, but this is my first time writing for these three. addiction is strong, don't do rayman kids.]

[itriedwritingandhereiam]

I love the duality of Adrien and Marinette.

She grew up with freedom, the Ladybug mantle shackled her.

We see that the position stresses her constantly. She's more worried about failure in the mask than out because the consequences of losing are devastating and the price is too steep.

She can't quit though, with a strong moral compass, an attachment to the role and there being nobody who can do what she does the way she does it means she can't give it up.

He grew up shackled, living by a structured schedule, Chat Noir brought him freedom.

His life is planned down to the hour for him. What he wants holds little weight unless he fights for it. (example, going to public school) Receiving the ring gave him an outlet and an out from the rigidity of his daily life.

He enjoys his role as a protector, he has a title, a purpose and he can be who he wants without having to fear the repercussions of his actions and the associated blames being attached to his name. He's practically untouchable in this state of freedom.

.

She has two loving parents who support and care for her.

Tom and Sabine worry for her, they are intuitive and supportive. Often times they're able to get a read of whether to give her space or encase her in a comforting hug. They're always there for her.

Both of his parents are absent from his life, one way or another.

Canon suggests that even when his mother was alive, he was hidden away in the mansion and yet he clearly grieves for her. He often makes remarks about missing her and her love. The three, parents and child might've been close when she was around but her absence affects the husband and son in concerningly similar ways.

They miss her and can't overcome the grief. Adrien wants a loving father and Gabriel wants his wife back.

.

She's a natural born leader and has a good idea of what she wants for herself and future.

Marinette has a passion. She's a creative soul, reflective of her miraculous. She has her interests and a clear plan of her goals. She wants to be a fashion designer, designing is something she's good at, enjoys and it comfortable making a living off of.

As a person, she is charismatic and easily empathizes with people. It's shown time and time again that when she tries, she can be open minded and still hold her ground.

She excels in leading others. Both in her position as class president and (despite being equals/partners with Chat) a leader to the miraculous team. She's a shot caller and a strategist and everyone knows it. When Marinette tells you to do something you do it. Yeah she gets some shit for her hair-brained schemes at times but it just goes to show, she has a brilliant mind. (have you seen her lucky charms?)

She takes all her roles seriously, a student, a designer, a student council member, a hero. Juggling is hard, and it takes a toll on her but she still perseveres because she knows her roles are all important.

He lacks direction, spending his life by the commands of another leaving him unable to decide what he wants for himself. He's a follower, and it's by design.

Being told what to do your whole life has its downsides. If you've never been given the chance to think for yourself, how are you supposed to know what you want in life? That episode where he's hit by the Akuma and decides he wants to be "whatever his parents want him to be" just goes to show how fucked up his childhood was.

Adrien is good at things. He's evidently spent a large portion of his life learning skills like fencing, piano and Mandarin. We see that he's grown to like them, especially as they are useful skills, but, does he have a passion?

He doesn't know. Sure, he's great at a lot of things and enjoys doing them, but that's not the same as having a passion.

He has a job, but he hates it. He has hobbies, but he didn't really choose them. Even the position as hero of Paris is evidently a source of confliction for him. He's renounced that title multiple times and sure, there were some other extenuating circumstances but ultimately, you can tell that the job isn't a serious position for him as it is for his partner.

He doesn't know what he wants, maybe he just wants a purpose.

.

[ninthprime]

finished my short power fantasy reread a couple days ago and came out very impressed by it- it’s starting to scratch the itch wicdiv did years ago, though they’re very different books. i read die and a bit of once and future too, but i think this deep character drama/high worldbuilding mode is my favorite gillen. i have a bunch of things i want to post about eventually but one that immediately came to mind, especially seeing the solicits for the next two issues, was that i’m really intrigued by whatever is going on with jacky and eliza’s dynamic.

jacky in general is a character i’ve ended up really loving (er, as a character, not a person), partly because he feels like gillen working against archetype in some ways? i feel like a considerable part of the readers are going to go in with preconceived notions of what a right-wing guy with a mask is going to be like, and particularly they’re going to compare him to woden, which is of course where my brain instantly went after the first issue. if you asked me what i thought was up with jacky and eliza after #2 i would probably have the valkyries and woden’s dynamic with cassandra enter my brain. in reality jacky isn’t a lot like woden for the obvious reasons- woden’s an old white dude whose character is fundamentally linked to those things, and jacky’s a brown guy who used to be an anarchist- but also because woden’s character motivation turns out to be grimly simple and selfish, whereas jacky’s right-wing shift is clearly influenced by massive trauma and fuckups but also not justified by those things.

jacky and eliza’s dynamic appears to be pretty much(?) platonic- at least in the sense that jacky tells the pyramid that they should just kill him if he ever goes evil cult leader and has sex with any of them*- but is still incredibly loaded! jacky let her into the total arseholes in the 70s but later notes that he never trusted her enough to promote her higher, and he didn’t even back then:

(by the by, eliza being rendered in complete white in flashbacks before her decension is one of my favorite wijngaard artistic touches for the book so far. really emphasizing the good girl gone bad.)

eliza spends this entire scene questioning him, and it seems to me like she had her own ideas and agenda even back then. (what exactly is christianity in this world when valentina came down from heaven?) presumably then there was another decade-plus of history between them before the second summer of love, at which point things imploded in a way we’ll presumably find out about this week as i write this.

what’s really juicy to me though is what we get in the post-SSOL scene in #5 and after. from what i can tell, eliza’s decension was probably both a consequence of whatever she had to do in the SSOL and her own desires and beliefs…but jacky pretty clearly blames himself.

which i’d argue is a bit rude to eliza’s agency- she comes off as pretty confident in her choice here, although we haven’t been deep in her head- but that’s sure not how jacky is internalizing it. later in this scene he refers to her as “an occasional really good person who wants to be a martyr” (she seems to acknowledge this as referring to herself) and a “beautiful, sweet-hearted, doomed, dumb fuck.” it’s probably quite good for humanity that eliza came around when she did, but i don’t think jacky likes that it happened to her specifically. more importantly, it makes her the only surviving member of the original pyramid; in jacky’s eyes, she’s a living embodiment of his failure walking around, and also she could end the world right now if she wanted to on an even greater scale than he could, judging by the estimates in #6.

by the time we get to 1999 this all seems to have metastasized for jacky as…some sort of belief that eliza is aligned to him? she has to correct him on it in #2:

“eliza arrived to join me” is interesting wording- pretty sure she arrived for her own reasons, buddy. but eliza has been so offscreen up until this point that i don’t think we really have any full idea of her politics, and i’m inclined to think she might keep a lot of them to herself. it’s never even in question whether she’ll come to masumi’s art show; she was never going to. i don’t get the impression that she and jacky talk often, even if their history makes them important to each other. so jacky’s just spent years molding an idea in his head of what he would like things to be like, an idea that’s all tied up in what he thinks he needs/wants to do for the world, as it is with every relationship between the superpowers.

jacky, i know you’re saying this because she’s the only one whose powers can interfere with your plans, but it feels like you’re really saying it because you’ll burn down your relationships with the other superpowers if you have to, but you feel like you have to retain your relationship with eliza because she’s the last vestige of your past life and you hold immense guilt for her actions and you feel like retaining a stable relationship with her is important for your own stability and self-perception? is that it? i’m just saying man.

and of course none of this explains what eliza thinks about him, which is much more ambiguous, like everything else about her. well, that’s for the next few issues to discuss.

(i feel like this sort of not-quite-romantic dynamic is permeating a bunch of this book’s relationships, particularly some of the early stuff with etienne and valentina- valentina refers to some of his compliments in the first scene of the comic as “flirting”, and they have the classic childhood friends backstory. but they also are pretty obviously not a thing. you wonder how many relationships among the superpowers have hovered around it and not gotten further because The World Is At Stake. heavy seems incredibly polyamorous and isabella and masumi’s dynamic is a fucked mess neither can completely acknowledge, but the other four superpowers seem very single. etienne almost certainly has an ethical discussion of such things in his head.)

* as a side note, this is a fun parallel with heavy and his cult’s “weird sex stuff”, though despite his occasionally almost world-ending behavior heavy is still way more likable than jacky. interesting counterpoint to any potential Sex Coded As Bad takes that a lot of fiction stumbles into.

[rei-ismyname]

Xavier saves his loser husband from death

At the end of Messiah Complex Charles Xavier was shot in the head. Exodus and his Acolytes absconded with the body to try and fix him and a depowered Magneto arrived to help. Exodus put his pulped brain together with telekinesis, but it was the sound of his loser husband's voice that woke him up (DW I'll cover that another time.)

While Exodus was off doing weird shit and monologuing, Frenzy decided that Chuck should die for being a bootlicker and collaborator. Mags shot her in the eye with a laser to protect him and earned himself a death sentence. Uh oh!

Chuck woke up just in time to see his loser husband choking to death and decided to stop it. Keep in mind Exodus had to remove Chuck's memories to save his psyche, so Chuck knows next to nothing about himself and his foe knows everything. It's a psychic duel!

Exodus comes in swinging, hammering Chuck with his many shames and failures. He is like 'oh shit, I was a bit of a bastard wasn't I?' Danger, his two sons - all failed in different ways.

He hits him with a failure that doesn't come up very often - completely fumbling the Bolivar Trask situation. A lot of people paid for this one. He adds some fear of persecution and powerlessness on top. It's probably unfair to blame Chuck for every bad thing that happened to mutants, though he positioned himself as the saviour of his people. He seized the narrative and was completely certain his path was the right one.

Woof. Graphic images of the Genosha genocide hit Chuck pretty hard. It's difficult to assign blame to anyone but Cassandra Nova for that, but Chuck would certainly feel guilty for it. If anyone else's actions contributed to it, it's Charles Xavier. Exodus is giving him these memories for what feels like the first time and accusing him of not using his powers proactively enough. It's a valid point. Failure of inaction is a charge that gains more validity each year. Failure to change.

Of course Exodus makes the point in the most ridiculous way. There were plenty of actions Charles could take that didn't involve murder. A very wide middle path between liberal superheroics and supervillainy. Emma senses their battle from across the planet and clues Scott in while the spectators observe worrying biological happenings in both men. This duel could kill them.

More guilt, more failures. The revelations of Deadly Genesis and the death of Moira's wards on Krakoa. Charles' justifications for doing what he does.

More X-Men who died as his soldiers and others who just died. Ilyana from the Legacy virus, Piotr from the cure. Banshee, Thunderbird, Cypher. Not sure who the others are meant to represent. A lot of kids died at the school and Emma's held too many as they breathed their last. Chuck is on the ground in tears.

Exodus thinks he's won, but Chuck just gets up and blows him away. He offers no immediate explanation except to make sure Mags is safe. Then the two of them and Karima leave, after Xavier refuses to lead the Acolytes.

Once they're outside he explains that the man who made those mistakes is dead and he has the chance to be something better. A cynical reading would be that he's very good at dodging accountability and justifying his actions. A generous one would be that he's earnestly approaching his fresh start. The truth is somewhere in the middle, I think. The people he's hurt aren't especially inclined to forgiveness or trust and he doesn't really change his modus operandi at all.

I'm of the opinion that this was a really good opportunity for growth that wasn't taken. As I write this he's willingly in Graymalkin prison, though he's going to escape very soon in X-Manhunt. The amount of trust and love he has from mutants not named Rogue is at an all time low and he torched his position in the human world. It's not a fresh start, but the opportunity to grow is there.

[lakesparkles]

do you have any seo-won/nam-gyu twins headcanons? <3

SORRY, I thought I answered this one already but yesterday I realized I didn't :(

Anyway, I do have some, here:

- First thing I need to say is that I'm still unsure about one thing: who should their parents be? Seo-wan's parents, considering they appear in the show? Or should they be Mi-nyeo and Deok-su, as they're my usual pick for Nam-gyu's family? I think both ideas have potential.

- If I choose the first option, it can be quite interesting because Seo-wan's parents are quite sweet, and it was a surprise to me. So I imagine that they would be treat Nam-gyu the same way, despite anything. They won't understand why he turned out that way. Nam-gyu claims he's fine, geez, stop asking the same stupid questions, he has his life together 🙄 - but it's clear to everybody who knows him that this isn't true. Once Seo-wan dies, they do everything to make sure that the same doesn't happen to him, they feel like a complete failure as parents.

- If I choose the second option, I can't take out of my mind that things would be even more complicated for Seo-wan. He wants a stable and comfortable life, but his childhood was the opposite of it. He wants to make sure that that won't define his entire future as he hopes he's still able to change everything for the better. He has to. The only positive part is that Young-mi is their younger sister, if we're gonna follow my "Mi-nyeo and Deok-su are Nam-gyu's parents AU".

- Seo-wan and Nam-gyu's personalities are totally different and crash a lot, and this was the case since forever. Even being twins, they felt like they were complete strangers. Seo-wan didn't mind talking to Nam-gyu when they were kids, but he felt like he was too grumpy and rude, not being someone easy to deal with. Nam-gyu, however, was always very clingy and didn't like spending time alone by himself. In good days, Nam-gyu even let Seo-wan read his super boring books to him. Nam-gyu didn't comment anything about the stories, but he appreciated the company.

- When they were teenagers, their appearence was so similar it was hard to tell them apart. For this reason, Nam-gyu decided to not wear his glasses at school, even if it gave him the worst headache ever. That was also why he decided to grow his hair out, he wanted to be his own person, especially when Seo-wan was easily considered "the kinder - and better - twin". Seo-wan also had a lot of problems, he was just better at pretending in that age.

- To finish it, a bonus Thangyu: Thanos didn't know shit about Nam-gyu's family when they started dating, Nam-gyu didn't like to talk about it. So, when Thanos found out about Seo-wan, he got interested on him 100% in the same minute. He started to annoy Seo-wan a lot, forcing a friendship that wasn't ready to exist yet - Seo-wan wasn't in a good moment mentally. But Thanos wanted to know anything, wanted to know about his weird favorite game, his personality, everything. He was like Nam-gyu, but completely different. Two different flavors, yay, Thanos was living his dream life :> it's needless to say how Nam-gyu got crazy jealous and insecure. Thanos, however, wasn't the person he decided to blame.

I may reblog with more later, this is just the basic stuff. We all know I could do something sadder than this