#religious trauma tag

[wetchickenbreast]

[judas-redeemed]

letting go won't make the wound close - judas h.

[hannahhbic]

Salvation

The most isolating, fucked up part about loving hymns but not being religious anymore is that people don’t understand it’s not about the lyrics.

It’s about switching parts seamlessly with my bestie without prior discussion on repeat.

It’s about tripping over accidentals but treasuring them like candy in my mouth, craving more but never asking.

It’s about watching my younger self express herself the only way she could: silent, resentful tears through verses she didn’t believe.

It’s about climbing between the music staves and languishing; agonizing over the horrific content in the sermons; studying the notes on repeat as the only way to get OUT when I couldn’t physically LEAVE.

It’s about budding into life as a bard for a genuine cult, becoming fearless behind an instrument, alone, in front of crowds of people, knowing that they will never comprehend the notes the way I do.

It’s about tripping and sinking into the quicksand of misplaced devotion, clinging to the salvation of the chords for dear life.

It’s about fearlessness taking the reins and bursting through the hymnal cover, full fledged beast with poisonous claws and teeth bared, manifesting any possible escape.

And getting out.

It’s about the echoing, cavernous silence that comes after; the haunting, bucolic aftertaste clinging to the trace of every note.

The hymns will always mean bittersweet freedom to me, even if they might resemble shackles to other people. 𝄇

[molotawv]

BOY BESTIES!

[claratyler]

the thing we need to understand is that the pope is not at all pro-lgbt rights in anyway. Does he oppose violenece/hate as a blanket sort of core belief? Yes, so this includes violence and hate towards a queer person. But that doesnt mean he believesthat being queer is something to be celebrated, let alone acceptable.

Does he say any gay person can join in the mass? Yes, as a blanket sort of core belief because christianity is supposed to be for everyone, and nobody, regardless of their moral failings (such as being queer, which IS regarded as a moral failing), should be turned away from participating in the holy rituals or getting close to God.

The thing you need to understand about modern day catholics is that many of them will look you in the face and say "Being gay is not a bad thing. We all have temptations we have to stay clear off. It's not the fact that you have this inclination that defines you, it's whether you choose to engage by thought and/or action instead of actively suppressing it that we look down upon." And then they'll tell you in a way they think is kind and helpful that they know a person who can help with treating that.

"The pope now accepts trans people!" Are you sure. Are you really sure

How do you think this is going to fare in reality when the parameters for this "acceptance" are "pastoral prudence" and "public scandal" and "educational disorientation".

Also, on gay people:

This is literally what i was saying: A gay person who represses their inclinations is what they mean by leading a life that conforms to the faith. Thats why a gay person in a gay relationship/marriage (which btw gay marriage is not existent in the roman catholic church, the very notion is a contradiction in their eyes) could not be eligible.

And why do i know allthis and why am i ranting about this? Because #CatholicUniTrauma and im tired of people misunderstanding how fucked up the entire catholic church is because of misleading headlines or quotes taken out of context. The pope is not woke. Seriously.

quoted article: The New York Times' "Vatican Says Transgender People Can Be Baptized and Become Godparents" by Jason Horowitz, Elisabetta Povoledo, and Ruth Graham. Published Nov 9 2023 (tumblr wont let me paste the link for some reason)

[angsty-art-ist]

and G-d made Eve to bear the curse of blood

[marsadler]

Hello! I wrote a book and I think y'all will like it. It's for fans of Good Omens, Hannibal, Angels Before Man, and all the queer people who deserve financial compensation from the catholic church.

I present to you:

FIRST CREATION, a high heat queer horror novella with a trans angel MC and a queer demon LI!

FIRST CREATION is a love letter to fallen angels, to finding your place in the world, to connecting to religion in a way that works for you. To touch and peaches, and surviving horrible things, to finding a place to be holy if God won't give it to you. (it's also nasty, and about cannibalism and shame and guilt, too)

It's a 22k word (98 page) novella that you can read in one (or two, or three) sittings.

You can find it on Amazon and itch.io here to read an actual synopsis and look at reviews. You can also find content warnings at the bottom of my website: (I definitely encourage you to read them before you buy!)

Here's also some unhinged ao3 tags for fun

[chuuyadelune]

(BSD 113 SPOILERS) the fyodor jesus imagery is driving me insane, so here are a couple of things i noticed from this chapter (all translations from @/nineofscans).

1. fyodor’s position

so the first thing that was most obvious was fyodor’s positioning here. he may not be on a cross, but this is very intentional i would say! he is still in the position of christ on the cross.

2. fyodor’s outfit

i could be reaching, and this is less to do with jesus, but his outfit to me resembles a monk’s habit somewhat—perhaps signifying his position as a man of god.

3. stabbing with spears as the rooster crows

two things are standing out to me here:

first of all, stabbing fyodor with spears as a means of execution is interesting to me considering how jesus also was stabbed by a spears before being taken down from the cross after he gives up his life (following the “my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?” line—which was quoted in the last chapter!)

i cannot remember if jesus is also stabbed before then, but that is the one i remember the most.

the second thing that jumped out to me about this line was the part about the rooster crowing.

in the new testament, when jesus is betrayed by judas, he warns peter that before the cock crows, he (peter) will have betrayed him (jesus) three times.

what are the implications of that? i can’t really say, maybe it has something to do with why bram later gets stabbed with the holy cross sword and why he later works under fukuchi/fyodor. but it felt like an intentional nod to this part of the passion of christ.

4. bram as the devil

this is perhaps another reach, but i’m including it anyways.

before jesus re-enters jerusalem and the events of the passion of christ, he fasts for 40 days in the desert, where he is tempted from the devil (each of the gospels talks about this differently).

but anyway, this does say something. if bram is the devil, and considering all of fyodor’s positioning and religious imagery surrounding him—i feel the jesus references are very intentional. fyodor is deliberately positioned as— if not jesus, then definitely at least a disciple, or a messenger of god, almost supernatural in energy and appearance.

and with all the buddhist references to angels scattered throughout this arc—i think there’s a lot to be unveiled about fyodor yet. we definitely haven’t seen the last of him. but i’m excited to find this all out later!

[pep-rambles]

Lucifer is a Swiftie headcanons because I kin this man so much I am projecting my other hyperfixations on him

But also I mean c'mon,

Look at him

yes there is RadioApple in this

-It probably started from Charlie. When she was in high school (post emo phase obviously) she may have enjoyed Taylor Swift (maybe Fearless got her through her senior year because I can't stop projecting) Lucifer started listening to try and have something to bond with his daughter about. But about the time Charlie kind of lost interest is about the time Lucifer doubled down on his obsession.

-He has been to basically almost every Eras concert, usually in really good seats because many a swiftie has offered to sell their soul for tickets. He said keep your soul just let him tag along.

-He is definitely an Evermore stan mostly because of relating too hard to the divorce narrative of it.

-Speaking of, Charlie has threatened to lock him out of his Spotify after catching him on the floor crying to “Champaign Problems” on repeat too many times. She never would but most definitely tried to ban him from listening to it for a month.

-She then caught him crying to “You’re Loosing Me”

-Angel Dust is most definitely  Beyhive (killer bee probably) and though initially joking that they are rivals the two men bond over their love for the two queens of pop, recommending songs and videos to each other.

-Angel is a Reputation Stan though 

-After one of Lucifer’s many tiffs with Alastor,  Charlie is expressing her frustration asking her dad why can’t they just get along and Lucifer explains that he doesn’t trust Alastor because “I think his ever-present grin is a little troubling” and is a little upset when she doesn’t get it 

-One day, Luci is sitting in the Lobby doing his work while listening to Taylor on shuffle. He’s casually minding his own business jamming out to one of her poppier love songs and Alastor wanders in commenting on the “Obnoxious trite little diddy” Lucifer doesn't even hesitate to take the bait

L: HOW DARE YOU! SHE IS A TALENTED GODDESS!! A DOWNRIGHT MUSICAL CHAMELEON! You are such a snob Alastor! Good music didn't stop getting made after your tiny little lifetime.

A: I never said it did but it's certainly not this frivolous noise!

L: Oh, you uninformed uncultured cur! She is a fucking poet!

He then proceeds to play examples for Alastor of her most creative and heart wrenching lyrics (he absolutely makes Al sit through all 10 minutes and 13 seconds of ATW) 

After all that though Lucifer will never get Alastor to admit that he finds T.S. musically talented (or that Lucifer did in fact catch Al tapping his foot a couple times)

        -Alastor does come to Lucifer, after a bit of research, admitting that though he does not find her music enjoyable, he respects her business cunning. Luci figures that's good enough. For now. 

-because I bet my non-existent Eras tour tickets that Lilith was a hater. I’ll leave it at that.

-OP works at Barnes & Noble and let me tell you there are about 80 different Taylor Swift magazines that even my swiftie ass thinks is excessive but Lucifer has every single one

-including the Taylor Swift paper dolls magazine (yes this is a real thing). He probably gets a few because he convinces Charlie to use them as a team building activity.

-He has at least 3 copies of each of the covers for the 2023 TIME Person of the Year magazine. 

-Also all cardigans. On a casual day he definitely lounges in them and has a set rotation of when to wear each one (and I am totally not gonna draw that nope)

-Well, it seems Lucifer is no longer crying to the depressing break-up songs on repeat but now he seems to be angrily listening to “Gorgeous” on repeat. Charlie asks him about it and he goes full denial mode “No no Charlie I'm not thinking of anyone specific, I've just been really into this song lately.” Everyone else in the hotel, besides Alastor, has already figured out what's going on

Alastor: If I have to hear that obnoxious noise one more time I will reduce that tiny maniac’s room to rubble as well as the abode of whatever sad sack is making him play it.

Angel: *knowing smirk* I'm gonna hold ya to that one, Antlers. 

-Al may very well hear it one more time if Lucifer uses it as his confession song (I don't fully commit to this headcanon, I just think it's funny) 

-Anyway boy’s probably in his Reputation stan Era b/c LWYMMD is like his long overdue big F-YOU to Heaven song 

btw this is NOT gonna end at these headcanons I am running with this idea like scissors.

@nunalastor

@julsiemagne

@nose-nippin-fun (I know you're not a swiftie but we talked about this so idk if you care I can un-tag you if you want)

[yonpote]

sister dan and the devphil

@amazingphil @danielhowell hello..

[wetchickenbreast]

i will not deny myself the things that make me happy due to the imagined threat of eternal damnation

[judas-redeemed]

mom forgives me the least when i look most like her. the first time she saw her reflection in my glassy eyes, she regurgitated the hatred for herself her mother passed down to her. i tell myself she just wants me to have it better than she did. on the days she cannot tell us apart, mom guts me with the only love she still remembers how to give. she spills my blood, and i can't stop apologizing for the mess. she spills her blood, and lays on the altar with me. and when we have no more agony left to offer each other, she'll hold me the way i always pretend she wants to. the only time we can be tethered is when both of us are bleeding.

[hannahhbic]

i really want those meme red booty shorts with APOSTATE on the back in white lettering

[boo-gutzz]

Sheesh

@thesmpisonfire pssst. Hi

Plus bonus sillies (+ mini rant in tags)

[hersheher]

I want him to be my new religion

[momgothic]

omg soldier, poet, king is NOT a Christian worship song

folks on tiktok being like YALL DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS ABOUT JESUS??? and "better take it off my dnd playlist now!!!"

it's not about jesus holy fuck, i mean, it is, but it isn't.

Dear Wormwood is a concept album that uses biblical symbolism to talk about an abusive relationship. The Oh Hellos have a whole ass THING about retelling stories (biblical, mythological etc) to use to deal with your own story which is like...a whole thing in storytelling anyway (the new testament is a monomyth yall, Hero's Journey 1.0, in that regard everything is biblical)

Dear Wormwood is put in the context of someone writing letters (inspired by The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis) to their abuser. "Soldier, Poet, King" is from the perspective of the protagonist, on the receiving end of the abuse, who (after the song "Exeunt") is escaping from the abuse and attempting to continue their life outside of it. The person who is the soldier, poet, king, is the protagonist. "your city" is the abusive relationship. "Wormwood" is the devil of this person's life.

If you look on Genius, yeah the story is about the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. In context? It's about the Second Coming of the protagonist. The rebirth they get after escaping.

The ending song of the album, "Thus Always to Tyrants", the last line of the album is

Where I go, will you still follow? Will you leave your shaded hollow? Will you greet the daylight looming? Learn to love without consuming?

The protagonist is attempting to mentally escape from the abuse, worried about carrying the trauma into the next relationship.

Soldier Poet King is not about Jesus. It's about fighting. It's about escaping the cycle of abuse. It's about the power that resides in stories, about people who have experienced this before and succeeded. It's about using those stories and learning from them.

Keep the shit on your dnd playlist, it's sort of the whole point.