#respect people and their boundaries

[ryan-waddell11]

I’ve been struggling to find words to express the amount of discomfort, anger, and frustration I’ve had about this whole Jamie situation.

The AUDACITY of people bringing in weird shit for him to sign and then demanding a REFUND when he politely tells you he’ll sign something else is ASTOUNDING.

Bringing in a MARRIAGE certificate is WEIRD. THERE’S NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT. IT’S WEIRD.

Saying "Me and Jamie have our own things going on" and not understanding how fucking creepy that sounds is beyond me and again is WEIRD.

A British man calling you “my love” and you not understanding that is him being polite is WEIRD. This man is in a committed relationship with a beautiful and kind woman. SHE IS NOT YOU.

Jamie handled the situation very well and was very respectful and they this person handled the situation is deplorable and DISGUSTING. The fact alone that you don’t see what’s wrong with what you did or your response to the negative comments is a whole other PLANET of DELUSIONAL.

Jamie, like most celebrity guests at these cons, loves meeting fans and talking with them. However, they are PEOPLE. Treat them like it. They are NOT people to trauma dump on. They are NOT people to make uncomfortable for YOUR satisfaction.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Things like this, make people not want to meet their fans because they’re afraid that it could happen again. So, not only are you ruining the experience for the talent, you’re ruining the possibility for other fans to meet their faves because you have no respect.

RESPECT IS NOT A HARD CONCEPT. NO ONE deserves to have a safe space they’ve created infringed or tampered with. This is utterly disgusting and heartbreaking. Respect people and their boundaries. Please do better!!

[thepeacefulgarden]

[astrabear]

The tough thing about boundaries is that it’s not enough to state them, you have to enforce them.

I think some folks see “setting boundaries” as a kind of magic talisman to influence other people’s behavior. “I’ll tell you what I need or can’t accept, and you will act accordingly.” And sometimes that’s what happens, and that’s great! But if the other person disregards your stated boundaries, it doesn’t mean setting boundaries didn’t work.

Because boundaries aren’t about others’ behavior, they’re about your own. If the other person’s behavior doesn’t change, then yours has to. “Please don’t discuss [x topic] with me” is a request. “If you continue to talk about [x topic] then I will end this conversation/hang up/leave” is a boundary, which you must then enact. The point is less about stopping the other person (although that’s ideal) and more about protecting yourself. And you have to be committed to protecting yourself, because no one else will be.

You have to be so committed that you’re willing to tolerate other people being hurt or angry or uncomfortable. You have to accept that some relationships might change. You have to hold onto the idea that it’s all right for them to change, because the way they were before was hurting you, and you deserve to not be hurt. You gave them a choice: maintain a relationship or keep doing the thing that hurts you, and they chose to keep hurting you, so if the situation is now awkward or unpleasant that was because of their choice. Enforcing boundaries means deciding that if someone is going to feel bad here, it need not be always and only you.

There is no magic formula that will make other people treat you kindly and respectfully. But you can learn to treat yourself with kindness and respect. That’s what enforcing a boundary is.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's completely ethical for a child of influencers to sue their parents for non-consentually making them a child influencer

[j-liz]

Here you go @discocandles you genius bastard. The spite saga continues. Anya sees another mission and says absolutely.

Bonus:

Part 1.5 of 3

Part 1

[chubsette]

the fat lesbian vampirism post broke containment and now it's being reblogged by people with "feeders dni" in their bio...... uh ok

[sexygaywizard]

Another reason I get so pissy about people being like "well actually wizards are x y and z" on my shit is because you don't see me fucking going on to other people's posts and telling them their shit is wrong or that they need to follow my rules for shit. Because I respect that people can have their own interpretations of shit and express that within their own space. But people give me these dumbass lectures on my posts all the damn time! Make your own fucking post I don't want to see it

[aloeverified]

daring being the equivalent to a pg-13 fuckboy was really funny, but i think it would've been so sad and compelling if he geniuely was in love with apple.

they know they're destined to be together, they grew up together and have talked about their relationship many times. they agreed to not date until their destiny takes its course, as apple is paranoid about messing with their story and doing anything ahead of time.

daring sees how hard she works and how far she goes to strive for perfection; following ever task her mother gives her, always being ontop of her studies, never missing a chance to be kind and help others. she inspires him to do the same; topping his sword-fighting classes, using his strength and athletic skills to help others, always seizing the chance to save the day and protect others.

daring falls more and more in love with her each passing year, whereas apple just keeps waiting for the feeling to come to her. she reasons that she doesn't feel anything for daring because he hasn't awoken her from her coma and swallow her worries.

many people still fall for daring, but he tells them his heart is taken and his destiny is sealed: apple white is the only girl for him, and it's his duty to stay loyal to his future wife.

perhaps apple even visits the charming kingdom often, under the guise of spending time with her future in-laws to get away from the heavy pressure she faces at home. she grows closer with darling during these times, who admires apple and her ability to be satisfied with the royal life and expectations she has as a princess.

i think daring could still have a few small and tender moments with other girls, such as his admiration for cerise — but he does his best to push those feelings aside, maybe even feels guilty for them.

it's only after he fails to awaken apple in dragon games, where he is able to start his process on moving on. he agonizes over not being her prince, as it changes everything he knows: his destiny, his true love, and even the fact that he would participate in an out of destiny romance (something so taboo to a royal such as himself).

when finally given the chance to do so, daring asks apple if she loves him — if she ever had or ever could, in the same way he loves her. they have a long conversation, one that ends with both of them in tears. apple does daring, but she's not in love with him. she's always known there was something different about her when she didn't long for her prince charming like other princesses did, and now thanks to darling, she knows why.

daring learns how to move on. it's a tedious process, and one that hurts, but he moves on. and so does apple. he still loves her, and she still loves him. only now, they also love themselves.

[sad-leon]

I think some people need the reminder that you can just not like things. For whatever reason. You don't need to justify things you don't like to anyone, as long as you're not making people feel bad for liking it.

You're able to not like something, but that doesn't make it weird.

You're able to not like that people like something, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people (within reason of course)

And it's also important to remember that you may like something that other people don't like. That doesn't mean they have a personal vendatta against you for liking it.

That doesn't mean you're wrong, nor are they wrong.

People have preferences for everything. Just because you prefer something, that doesn't mean you're "right". This is fandom, there are very few things that even have a "right" and "wrong" side.

[57sfinest]

calling harry a “can opener” was SUCH a good play for so many reasons i think about it every day.

in the context of his work, it makes him a tool. as many people have pointed out, including martin luiga, part of the hdb tragedy is that he simply cannot leave the force, and his superiors know that and are using it to their advantage. no matter what happens, even if harry hated every nanosecond of every bit of the work and wanted to leave, he can’t and won’t leave. they can leverage anything they want against him and then reel him back in with a facade of kindness when they “allow” him to keep his job, as long as he does what they want him to. the 41st knows he has this inexplicable talent with people and they use him for it. he’s a cop: that talent can be used in so many awful ways, to push so many different agendas. and they won’t even be his own. a can opener has no particular desire to open a can, aside from maybe the satisfaction of fulfilling a purpose. a can opener has no agency, it’s just a tool for someone else to use to get what they want. and he’s learned to be okay with being used as long as it means he gets to stay. his complacency with this system makes him guilty even if he’s also being harmed by it.

but in the context of his personal life you kind of... flip it. the people around him are going to be opened up whether they want to be or not, and it’s terrible for his relationships. it’s shown that the questions, the prying- the can-opening- it’s become inextricable from who he is as a person. it’s like he doesn’t know how else to communicate, except it’s hardly communication when you’re just ripping people open. he’s invasive as all hell, although whether he means to be is debatable. he’s the kind of person that wants to take things apart to see what makes them tick. he dissects people, but really that’s too delicate of a word for what he does; if he doesn’t get what he wants right up front, he’ll abandon all subtlety and go for brute force. if he can’t get your screws loose he’ll just smash you on the ground and pick through your pieces until he’s satisfied, and if what he did to you isn’t fixable? oh well, there are other cans to open. 

and he’ll use it for personal gain: we already know he is (was?) manipulative. once he knows how you operate, he knows how to make you keep him. he can yell or he can cry; he can threaten you or he can threaten himself; he can be completely suffocating or he can withdraw completely; he can be an incorrigible liar or brutally honest; he can present himself as a threat or a joke or a talent. he’s a chimera- that’s why he’s got this inexplicable magnetism, even when people know they shouldn’t like or trust him. fidelity of character means nothing to him. he’ll be whatever he needs to be as long as it gets him what he wants. the can-opening is just his way in.

[moodr1ng]

men gotta be sexy like women and women gotta be sexy like men btw.. i wanna see men in lingerie and big muscular hairy women swinging heavy axes and sweating. i am enthusiastically pro the downfall of western civilization btw

[thepeacefulgarden]

[hella1975]

it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that

[snezfics-n-shit]

[idolomantises]

nothin' serious, just thinkin

The whole situation with a certain Indie creator’s work blowing up too quickly and feeling overwhelmed by it, really makes me think about how… not fun it is sometimes when your work gets popular. Obviously my level of popularity and fandom doesn’t match there’s but dealing with people who see your OCs and start claiming them as their own, disrespect boundaries and basically hound you with their preferences is such a reoccurring problem it’s a bit scary.

For example, I remember wanting to completely scrap Powers as a character when people were treating her as a self insert to be homophobic and misogynistic, despite carrying neither of those traits. People make fetish art of my OCs and then tag me in it (and if I don’t reblog/retweet it they practically spam me about it). I’ve had people try to steal my own OCs out of spite. I’ve seen people draw smut of my underaged characters. People have gotten angry with me when my characters disprove their headcanons or present themselves in ways that aren’t their preferences. The amount of times I’ve dealt with people genuinely angry with me that Sera is a woman is a scary amount. Queer people thinking my art is fetish content that is catered for straight men. I’ve had people tell me that because I don’t depict more of a specific group, that means I despise them and that my art is inherently promoting hateful ideology for not depicting them. People sending me videos of bugs being killed or mocking my characters because they think it’s funny. and I have to repeat again these aren’t random trolls online, this is from my own followers.

And you guys have seen how angry people get when I tell them to stop being bigoted under my queer art, whether it’s complaining that I’m drawing too many women/lesbians or bitching that I’m drawing gay men at all, I’ve had to deal with the unfortunate fact some of my followers, no matter how many times I try to push them off my account are just… very hateful and think my work is fetish content meant to cater to them. Lesbian art isn’t queer art, it’s a porn category for some people. And a lot of queer men think it’s fine to lesbophobic and misogynistic under my art and demand that I draw less female characters because (insert that annoying Speed quote here)

I do really like the fanart and I’m completely fine with NSFW works as long as the characters are 18+, but it’s just. It’s scary sometimes. And it scares me to imagine what would happen if I really blew up. Respect creator’s boundaries… please.

[bromantically]

the point of slur reclamation is not to take away its status as a slur, but to take its power from the hands of oppressors and put it into our own. i do not reclaim words like fag because my goal is to normalize it and get rid of its status as a slur, i reclaim it because im making it mine now. im taking it so the power over it is in my hands, im taking their weapons from them and i dont intend to give them back