#said that in front of my young siblings. they were probably idk 6 and 8 or younger at the time

[coquelicoq]

sent my dad some extremely vulnerable and honest texts about his parenting and immediately turned on "hide alerts" for his contact. at some point i will have to face whatever his response is, but that day is not today.

[the-amalgam-house]

Fuck the fucking thoughts! The last memories I have of my dad pre-addiction pre-anger explosions were literally worn I was SIX years old... he became a cop with I was 8, I have no idea where 7 went, and he started drinking and being incredibly angry and just.

He'd been that way ever since. I know it's PTSD. It manifests in anger and alcoholism. Even now he has so much trouble keeping away, even if overall he's softened on the after part.

My brother never really got to see him without the drink and without the anger. His whole entire self aware life had just been that version of Papi. He never got to see the man I knew. There's still a good bit of that man in there and you can see it in his tender/sober/stable moments. He loves children and he's always had this sense of pride and being self sufficient. But my siblings never really got to see the non angry man that was our dad. I was old enough to remember.

The drinking poisoned him...or, well, the police force maybe did it first. Idk. He hurt us so much, and honestly I can only be but so mad at him now, knowing that he himself was hurting. Hurt people hurt people after all. And you can never again be a previous version of yourself, so there's no real use in wishing there was. It's just grief that keeps coming back, over and over again.

I can remember him setting up a little treasure nap game in the back yard. Michael was in a carrier and Nina and I were given a hand drawn map to figure out where the hidden items were. I remember Papi going outside in the cold when I couldn't just to build a snowman while I watched in the window. He'd throw snowballs at that window to make me laugh. I remember when he helped me to not be afraid of the sharks in the aquarium by carrying me and holding close while we got closer, and realized the glass was keeping us safe. That Papi would keep me safe from the sharks. He did the same with me for thunder storms, tho I was too young to remember that one.

I remember how utterly severely upset I was when he had to go back to NY for 2 weeks after we moved to VA. I felt like I would never see him again. Probably the second most traumatic thing I'd faced in my life up to that point, the first being invasive and painful allergy testing when I was...idk, like 5. I remember him when he was initially softened by having kids. That was probably roughly the last time I remember all of us being as close to completely happy as I was able to comprehend.

I remember the time he and Mami got into one of their many screaming matches. Mami was made to walk outside, Papi locked the door. Mami banged on the door for what seemed like forever, and I went out of my room to try to help. But Papi was still awake, and threatened to hit me off I didn't go back to bed. I froze in fear, until he gave in and told me to open the front door. Mami had to hide her anger and sadness when it was me who opened the door and not him.

I remember calling for his help when Mikey was hitting me. I was crying already and Papi was the only adult in the house, but he was sleeping. 12 and 14 hour shifts as an officer, and the rule was not to wake him up. But who else could I have cried to for help? So he woke up, hit me with a belt for waking him up, then hit my brother 5 or 6 times for hitting me. Mikey doesn't remember it, but for me it's clear as day.

I remember Papi completely trashing our room (Nina and I shared a room our whole life then), just because we didn't clean it like ye wanted. My cute hand made candles had been crushed under the bookshelf they had been decorating just outside the bedroom, now sitting in a heap in the middle of the floor. Michael said it happened twice, but I only remember once.

I remember the times he would punch walks, Break Michael's door, throw and break glass. Blood everywhere. From age 9 to 22. Flying into a rage at the drop of a hat, everyone being so afraid of him even if he didn't physically hurt us (not after age 10). When she was at her lowest, Mami did the same to him. It didn't help, but she reached her limit. I remember her worry when I punched and broke my flimsy tin closet door. She was going to chase him, but the sound scared her and she came to me instead.

I remember, only after being reminded by my brother, when they were both out drinking and promised to be back to make dinner and couldn't come back, so I had to come up with dinner instead. I had to be maybe 11 or 12. I still don't actually fully remember it, because it wasn't me, but it's a vague feeling in my mind now.

I remember feeling so worthless and hopeless that I couldn't get to my baby brother, having to be alone in his own room, while Nina and I had each other to cry with. I remember two years after he left the force, and the same year he almost died, was the first time I truly wanted to kill myself. I'd always thought about running away before, but couldn't leave my mom and siblings behind. I'd thought about telling my dad I hated him, but it wasn't true and I was afraid anyway. I thought the only solution would be if I just stopped existing cause I couldn't take it anymore. How sad is that? A freshman in high school wanting to die cause the drunk father they once looked up to became unbearably abusive.

He wouldn't call it abuse though. He had it much worse, as he would often bring up. He was abused, but wouldn't call it abuse either, at least not what his mom did. She used to be a really rough woman, tho I've only known her to be soft and sweet in my lifetime.

I remember when I found out what really happened to my dog, my best friend, Tymber. How Papi was so angry after a long shift that he threw my dog against a wall and broke his leg. That I never got to see my only friend again cause the vet didn't want to send him back to an abusive home. That happened just before I turned 12, and I didn't learn the truth until about 19-ish. Do you know how devastated I was? I still have a picture of him somewhere, my little puppy, barely a year old and terrified of my dad, just like the rest of us.

I do remember some good times too. He tried to make up for all the work time with high quality time together. We watched DBZ every week. He took us on father-kid trips both in a group and individually. He liked taking us to amusement parks and carnivals when he could. He danced with me at my sweet 16, and took me to walk around downtown after. We did have some good times, and I love him.

I just hate everything he did to us. I hate that he can't even remember it. I hate that alcohol has eaten away at his mind for over 20 years and you can see how it's poisoned him. I hate what his family did to him.

[amerrierworld]

Babysitter (pt 9)

Thor (Ragnarok) - fanfiction

Pt 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 

Summary: A Loki interlude.

Characters: Hela, Loki

Word Count: 2,111

Warnings: Idk, swearing?

Loki was incredibly annoyed at the current situation. 

He’d woken up on a random, clunky spaceship with a pounding head and a bruised neck. He remembered the world going blank and being quite certain that he’d been dead until, frustratingly so, his lungs gasped for the most painful breath he’d ever taken. 

A janky pirate ship had snatched him from floating in space amongst the debris, stripped him of his armour -no doubt to sell or melt down into other knick knacks- and left him in the back amongst the cargo. They’d presumed he was dead, so when he had woken up, they had a bit of a shock. 

Not a word was comprehensible, Loki couldn't understand whatever gibberish language they spoke, so he ignored them and shuffled to their food supply. That got him a whack on his back from a whip and a kick to the back of the knees. 

Trying to take back his armour also earned him a few bruises. They didn’t seem very dangerous, but quite a nuisance. 

Amongst the cargo he found familiar debris that struck an icy chord inside Loki. There were piles of Asgardian clothing- ripped and filthy, but Asgardian nonetheless. Bags with very few belongings, and metal scraps of the ship they had been on. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the remainder of the ship of refugees was probably lost. When the pirates began to beat him again for rummaging through their stuff, a rusty old pipe amongst the stolen goods helped quiet them down immensely. 

With his kidnappers knocked out, Loki scarfed down what measly rations they had and set course for Earth at light speed -well, the closest speed they got to light speed which was more like a quick paced jog. 

He tied up the crew and tossed them in the back, and lounged in the cockpit as the ship traveled on autopilot, picking scraps of food from between his teeth. 

Communications on this ship were absolute garbage, he concluded. There was barely any signal and he couldn’t figure out where the closest planet was. So, he took a nap, ate some more food, and tried not to think too much about the harrowing experience of Thanos choking him to death.

Hours later, they entered a very familiar atmosphere. Loki let the ship crash-land, grabbed a bag of few supplies and hopped out just before they hit the ground. 

He marched on through the thicket of trees where they landed. Angry shouts that were no doubt curse words echoed from the smoking ship as he left them behind and tried to gather his bearings. 

An old cabin was the first building he saw. With a rusty dagger at the ready, he inspected the home around the back, looking for a vehicle he could take, something to get him moving faster than his legs, when suddenly a high pitched shriek nearly shattered his eardrums.

A young girl, no older than six, was staring at him with big brown eyes. Rain boots covered in mud, an aged stuffy in her hands. Loki put his finger to his lips, dreading that he was going to have to kill the girl before she gave him away or screamed bloody murder. 

“Daddy! There’s an Avenger in the yard!” she sped off towards a shed, where there was a light on inside. Loki’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. Whatever outcome he was expecting, this was by far the worst. 

“I’m not- fuck.”

He shoved the dagger away and out of sight and stomped towards the shed, fuming with annoyance. He was about to go off at the man for letting his daughter talk to random strangers and how he certainly was not an Avenger, but the man in question had a large saw in hand and about 200 pounds of muscle to carry, so he snapped his mouth shut. 

“Oh, hello there,” he said, his daughter bouncing about the workshop. “What brings one of you all the way out here?”

“And where exactly is out here?” Loki asked.

“Canada! What, you superheroes never been to Canada before? Always hanging around New York, eh? Are you taking a trip or something?”

“No. I, uh, crash-landed here.”

“From space?” the girl piped up, gawking.

“Yes, from space,” Loki said through gritted teeth. “Fighting angry aliens.”

“I told you, Daddy! He’s a hero!”

“I bet you’re trying to find your way to America, then? Lord knows why, there’s all kinds of weird things happening around town nowadays.”

“What do you mean?”

“Half the world’s gone! Poof! Just like that, some alien business I bet.”

“Are you going to save us from them?” his daughter asked again. Loki sighed.

“I’ll try my best. Now, can you please show me how to get to New York as fast as possible?”

The lumberjack’s husband took Loki and his daughter in his jeep and drove a merry long way to the nearest airport. On the way, the little girl asked him all sorts of questions about the Avengers, that he could only half-answer.

“Is it true Thor is super powerful?”

“Well. He's not that powerful. He just uses a hammer. Anyone with a hammer can use it as a weapon and suddenly be considered powerful.”

“I wish I had a super powerful hammer. Then my brothers would stop teasing me so much.”

“Hey,” her second father softly scolded.

“They’re mean!”

“Sibling feuds? I know the feeling,” Loki muttered.

“Do you have siblings, Mr. Avenger?”

“Sure do,” he smiled wryly. “Absolute bullies.”

“Me too!”

“Hey now, let our guest settle down a bit,” her dad said. “She gets a little excited around new people, so sorry.”

“It’s no problem.”

“The local airport’s just up here. It’ll take you to Detroit, and then you gotta get a connection flight to New York.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, genuinely.

“Why are you going to New York, Mr. Avenger?”

“To find my siblings,” Loki sighed. “At least, one of them should still be there.”

“But they’re mean to you?”

“Yeah,” Loki pondered as the car came to a stop. “But they’re family. I suppose.”

-

A few cunning lies and disguises later, Loki was suddenly landing in New York, amidst chaos. It had been a few days since he’d woken up, and apparently a few days since what they call the ‘Blip’. Humans clearly don’t like having their realities altered. 

Your home was abandoned. Alfred didn't even greet Loki at the door, and no amount of pulling and prying opened it for him. The lights were off, and he feared the worst.

It wasn’t until he was in the streets and overhead muttering about some crazy goth lady terrorizing a nearby street that Loki thought he had finally found something.  

He marched down the street until, to his surprise, he found Hela sitting hunched on the side walk, scowling and daring anyone to come close to her. She looked incredibly tired and disheveled, but her eyes were clear and angry, and recognized her idiot brother immediately. 

“What the hell brought you back here?” Hela snarled. 

“A toddler’s wisdom, if you’ll believe it,” Loki said, ignoring her glare as he sat down next to her. 

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks. So do you.”

Hela grumbled. 

“Have you eaten?”

“Since when did you become Mother? I don't need your help.”

“Really?” Loki picked up a filthy scoop from a pile of three ice cream tubs that were fully devoured. He dangled it from his fingertips for a moment, pulling a face. “I think you do.”

“You’re supposed to be dead.”

“Glad to see you too, sister.”

Silence. Hela really did look like shit, Loki noted. Her hair was mussed, and there were rips and broken pieces in her armour, reminiscent of the time they’d met. She had to be weak not to bother fixing it with her powers, or was just too preoccupied to even think to fix it. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Loki asked. 

“Beats me.”

“Did you kill her?”

Hela’s eyes snapped to his, a sudden fire in them. “How dare you say that?”

“Well, her home is abandoned and no one answered the door, and you’re here  cowering like a criminal. One makes conclusions.”

Something changed in her expression, and she turned her body to face him. “Abandoned?”

Loki frowned, “yes. Didn't you know?”

“No- I.. I’ve been here, the last time I saw her...” 

Hela jumped to her feet, nearly kicking Loki in the process. “That bastard, he took her, didn’t he? Him and his awful, forsaken pieces of shit he calls friends.”

“Who?”

“Our darling brother,” she spat. “He came in and- and threatened me, and then took her from me.”

She paced in front of him, green fire trailing behind her heels, hot with anger. She had expected you to come find her, take her back to your home, make her feel safe. But when you never came she had assumed you had abandoned her. Now, knowing Thor had taken you instead, filled her with rage.

“Where does your little posse hang out, hm? Some supposed secret lair? A great big castle in the sky?”

Loki blinked at her, at her sudden outbursts, at the scared glances from passerbys, and didn’t know what to say.

“Fine then, I’ll get her myself,” she growled, turning away from him. 

Loki nearly let her walk away, let her walk into whatever doom she was getting  herself into, but with a groan and a mad realization, he knew she was the only one he could rely on right now.

“Wait,” he said, reluctantly, hurrying after her and grabbing her arm. “You can’t just go running off. Tell me what happened.”

Hela spat at his feet. “I don’t need to tell you anything.”

“You care about her, don't you? Y/N? Why else would you want to ‘rescue’ her from our brother?”

“Be silent,” she hissed.

“No, no, I’m right, aren’t I? You care for her, but you messed up, and now you have no one on your side. That’s why you left, and that’s why Thor had to take her.”

Hela yanked her arm away before Loki could see her face, but he knew what she felt; remorse, and loss. 

“Tell me.”

And so, reluctantly, knowing she had no other choice, Hela sat him down, this time on an actual park bench rather than the ground. She told him what had happened, how her mistrust had turned to affection for you, and how Thanos had destroyed everything in the end, and how the Avengers had fought her out of fear.

“I know the feeling,” Loki agreed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, watching an elderly lady feed a bunch of pigeons as if nothing drastic had happened to the world the past few days. 

“And now I don't know where she is, and she probably hates me, but who am I to blame her for that?”

“If I know anything about Y/N, is that she cares about everyone, but it takes a lot more to win her love. She doesn’t hate you. She’s just afraid. I mean, you did after all break her window and run off into nowhere.”

Hela stayed quiet, made an annoyed sound in her throat, and looked away.

“I’m starving, how did you get all that ice-cream? Why not an actual meal? Or were you just eating your feelings?”

“Y/N doesn’t like it when I kill people, so it was either massacre the street or steal their dairy products,” Hela bristled. 

“Fair enough.”

“Now what, hm? You come out here, seemingly from the dead, chastise me for messing up, and now judge my diet? What do you really want, Loki?”

“Not sure, to be perfectly honest,” Loki said. “I thought I was dead, and then I wasn’t. Frankly, my priorities are shifting.”

“And what is your current priority?”

“Getting you back to Y/N so you stop moping around and fix this.”

“And how do you suppose we do that?”

Loki grinned, standing up. His armour shimmered and regained its full glamour; horned helmet and deep green cloak. 

“Taking notes from me, are we?” Hela grumbled. Loki glared at her.

“I was wearing this look long before you got here. Now, get up, we’re going to infiltrate the Avengers and give you your romantic happily-ever-after so you stop being such a pain in everyone’s neck.”

“You think we’ll just be able to get in? You really are as mad as Father was.”

“I’ve broken into quite a few places over the years, I’ll have you know. I’m the God of Mischief after all.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed?” Hela stood, her own armour strengthening again. 

“Shut it.”

A/N: Loki is not dead! I know he’s technically alive in an alternate universe or whatever.. but I wanted the Odin Trio to be together sooooo here we are. Let me know what you think!!

taglist: @midnight-lestrange​​ @cheerfullyvenomous​ @germansarechill​@gaylorrds @amii-nyc​ @waitingfortheendtocome​ @novakitten0901​@marvels-writings​ 

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 17: Stranger Beside You

SPOILERS and thoughts ahead.

0:13 - How freaking creepy is this? She just pops up from the floor. Did Malcolm not see her there as he was approaching? Why didn’t he acknowledge her presence as he approached? ALSO - he’s excited about muffins? Does that mean muffins are one of the only foods he eats? I find this surprising. ALSO - last episode we learned that Malcolm can’t cook…why does he have a muffin tin? I know this is a dream but still.

0:45 - Ok. Story time. I watched this episode when it premiered. It was the first week I had moved home from university since the whole COVID-19 stuff. My younger brother (20) and my mom (45) who have never seen this show decided to watch it with me. Ugh. Our family dynamic is generally a lot of sarcasm and teasing. I’m the only one in the family interested in crime shows/whump. When Malcolm said “This is when the scary thing usually happens.” both of my family members started cackling like buffoons. For the next week my brother quoted that line to me. They both now tease me for loving this show so much…so that happened.

1:18 - This is kind of sweet. I don’t like Eve but I like seeing Malcolm this happy.

1:56 - This is such a good sibling conversation. Ainsley is setting Malcolm straight. I know Malcolm is right but honestly - Ainsley has a point. Malcolm has a tendency to accidentally sabotage his own relationships because he can’t trust people and he doesn’t believe that he’s worthy of love.

3:15 - Look at this. Just. Look. JT is happy to see Malcolm. They’re bantering like brothers. This relationship has blossomed and I’m so happy…also I google “sip and see” because I really wanted them to be fake. They sound ridiculous, but they’re real. IDK. I don’t have kids but it seems crazy to organize a big fancy party right after you give birth. Invite friends and family over - sure. Order a pizza and a cake. But hang out in something comfy and keep it casual. Maybe that’s just me. IDK.

3:42 - Malcolm’s projecting again. “Perfect can be an allusion.” Honestly. Is he even aware that he does this?! Also, is he projecting about his childhood or his relationship with Eve. Either way, I’m concerned for him….though I do like how happy he’s looking right now.

3:47 - hahaha OMG. “With the stiff!” Gil is so done.

4:30 - I thought this was interesting. 1) Do dead bodies actually do that? Compress? Huh. Cool. 2) I like the way that Edrisa and Malcolm are so totally absorbed in how cool/weird the cause of death was that neither of them notice Edrisa’s hand on Malcolm’s chest. 3) Gil pointing out Edrisa’s hand makes things a little awkward - but honestly I see it as a gentle warning. He knows that Edrisa is socially awkward. She’s not in trouble and he’s not mad. He’s just reminding her that stuff like that isn’t appropriate.

5:04 - Watching this after realizing that Tally is pregnant brings a whole new weight to all of JT’s comments. Every time he mentions babies, baby swag, moms - he looks either scared, stressed (because money), or excited. It’s freaking precious.

6:15 - “It’s a cloud of love. Nothing to be ashamed of.” Again. More proof that Malcolm is an A+ adult male. Who speaks like that?

7:05 - Do I need to be scared about Dani now too? I do not like the way that Martin says her name. Wait. Is Martin going to go after every person that takes Malcolm’s time away from visiting him? I can totally see it. Martin escaping - killing Gil for replacing him as Malcolm’s Dad. Killing Jessica for trying to keep Malcolm from him. Killing JT, Dani, and Edrisa for being his friends. Can’t decide if he’d kill Ainsley…

7:41 - HOW is this show so dark and yet so funny?!?!

8:20 - I know that Malcolm knows that Tally is pregnant…but after the pizza roll comment there’s no way Gil and Dani don’t suspect. Look at their faces!!! And the way JT looks down way too quickly. He’s clearly hiding something.

8:55 - Look at Gil’s face. He’s concerned and a little scared. I am too. What the hell does Malcolm mean by “Mom’s love me”?!?! Is this some weird sex thing?

9:05 - Dani is a queen. We stan. She is the friend Malcolm deserves. I especially love the fact that later we find out that she told JT about this conversation. As though she thought Malcolm needed “guy advice”.

10:00 - Yo. People like this shouldn’t be allowed to have children. Kids are not a fashion statement - they are human beings who need to be nurtured and loved.

11:10 - So, I don’t usually like it when Ainsley snoops around for a story and gets all determined - but this time I do.

12:00 -  Does Ainsley really not understand that what she did was a total invasion of privacy?!? She doesn’t look sorry. At all. The fact that Ainsley actually talks to Eve about it is kind of awful too? Like it’s one thing to do a background check on someone - it’s another thing to talk to them, unprovoked, about what you found. 

12:12 - Poor Jessica. She looks upset. Between her two “socially bizarre” children ( lol ) she really has a hard time making friends. Although…..I will admit. It’s a little weird that Jessica is making friends with a woman young enough to date her son. 

 12:32 - Soooo this means that Malcolm has an instagram account (at least a fake one for work anyways). I feel like Malcolm is one of the people who don’t have a personal instagram account. Because a) he has like 3 friends and b) he doesn’t strike me as the type of person to take pictures of food, people, events, or himself. 

 12:40 - So Malcolm’s sitting at that desk again…..forget about the gitb… I want to solve the desk mystery (and the mystery of JT’s name). 

12:57 - Damn it JT! We were about to get a super awesome father/son moment. Ugh. When I said I wanted the writers to give JT more screen time I didn’t mean this. 

13:13 - Aww…look at how proud Dani is of herself. Girl made a cool discovery and she’s proud/excited about it. <3 

13:22 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME. We finally get a good look at the desk from the front. No name plate in view?!? UGH. This is killing me. 

13:33 - hahaha look at these faces! JT looks confused/freaked out that Malcolm knows so much about babies feeding habits. Dani looks so annoyed that she’s been put on Malcolm babysitting duty again. I don’t blame her. Gil is always making her babysit Malcolm. JT never has to take a turn. 

 13:55 - The most annoying thing about this episode is that we never find out how Alessa cut her arm. It’s a weird place on your arm to get a cut and I’m curious about it. 

 14:35 - I respect Malcolm a LOT in this scene. He’s asking some tough (but necessary) questions. He’s calm, kind, and respectful. He’s not minimizing Alessa’s stress, her loss, or her devotion to her daughter.

16:30 - Soooo if Christine’s (ex) husband lives in Canada - does that mean he’s Canadian (or dual citizen)? Or does he just have a work permit? I’m curious about what that means for Christine’s citizen status. I find this odd though - even if Christine isn’t Canadian - if she was last seen in Canada and her husband reported her missing - the RCMP would’ve been looking for her. They NYPD would know that. Although - she is using a fake name. Huh. There’s a reason I’m not in law enforcement. People are too crafty. I’ll stick to math. 

 17:55 - Look how mad JT looks that Christine tried to abduct Nina….he’s going to be such an overprotective, good dad. <3 

18:25 - This is a really cool moment. This scene is the first since 1x9 when JT and Malcolm have a heart-to-heart. JT also gives Malcolm some really good relationship advice. Damn. No wonder JT’s been married for 7 years. He gets it. 

 18:55 - I love how manic Malcolm looks and how concerned JT looks when Malcolm goes off on his little rant about being a suspicious person. I wonder if JT is wondering why Malcolm trusts Gil, Dani, Edrisa, and himself? They are, by all means, good things in Malcolm’s life. Is he suspicious of them? 

19:25 - Does Martin know about Malcolm’s sensitive stomach? I’m really curious. 

 19:44 - This scene is awesome. Malcolm is sad, upset, a little anxious, and angry (at Martin) throughout the scene. Martin, even though he is a crazy serial killer, actually gives Malcolm some good relationship advice. I guess it makes sense. Martin could never have tricked Jessica into marrying him unless he acted like a perfect, good dude with good relationship skills. 

20:04 - Martin actually believes he was a perfect father? Nope. I can’t. Any parent who genuinely believes that should have a psych eval. No one is perfect. Parents aren’t excluded from this rule. 

 20:56 - This is such a powerful moment. You can see how pleased Martin is because he got through the Malcolm. You can see how desperately Malcolm wants to love his father and how painfully aware Malcolm is of who his father is and how much he despises it. Malcolm shouldn’t have to remind himself to hate his father. No one should. Watching Malcolm grapple with that (through his facial expressions) is heart-wrenching. He actually looks close to tears for a moment. ALSO screw Martin for still trying to manipulate Malcolm into loving him. 

 22:10 - I’ll just say it. We’re all thinking it anyways. Malcolm’s soft voice when he’s confused is so freaking cute. 

23:08 - Look at JT’s face during this scene. He just about had a freaking heart attack. I feel soooo bad for him. I can only imagine how bad he feels. Gil gave him one (1) job: protect the baby. JT’s probably thinking, “If I can’t even protect this stranger’s baby - how will I ever protect my baby? Will I be a bad father?” Someone give this man a hug for me.

23:25 - Look at the way JT touches the infant to make sure she’s real. That is a man who is on the verge of a panic attack. 

 24:00 - AND now JT is worrying about Tally’s health throughout her impending pregnancy. Good Lord. What a rollercoaster he’s on tonight.

25:25 - Concerned!Gil for the win! Gil hasn’t been around Malcolm much this episode. Yes - Malcolm is obviously upset right now, but it makes me wonder if Jessica and/or Ainsley have called Gil because they’re concerned about Malcolm right now. Did they call Gil and ask him to send Malcolm home? 

 26:25 - Look at that. Malcolm looks crushed. Not surprised just disappointed. He truly believes that he’s not worthy of love. Eve just confirmed it for him. I honestly don’t know how this dude will ever trust any romantic partner ever again. My heart is shattered. 

26:43 - Look at how brave he’s being. He’s trying to mask his pain with a smile and a self-deprecating joke as usual. Problem is - his eyes look tortured and he’s trying to lie to the two women who know him best. They see through his mask and they’re concerned for him. 

27:00 - Ainsley is such a strange character to me. Right now as she tells Malcolm about Eve, she is looking at Malcolm with dread, concern, and determination. In 1x7/1x10 she publicly embarrassed him and revealed his personal, private details with the world - without remorse. I know that Ainsley is really obsessed with the progression of her career. However, it shouldn’t blind her to the emotions of her big brother. Ainsley needs therapy. 

 27:08 - soooo Eve has a key to Malcolm’s place? After two(ish) weeks? For a dude who doesn’t trust easily this seems like a stretch. I’m choosing to believe that Malcolm left the door open when he saw Ainsley and Jessica. 

 27:15 - THIS is so important. Jessica’s “How could you?”. See her face? She’s devastated. The first female friend she’s had in probably 20 years just stabbed her in the back. To make matters worse, this woman also just broke the heart of Jessica’s very emotionally vulnerable son - thereby also breaking Jessica’s heart. Furthermore - Jessica is definitely already paying rent in the self-loathing hotel because she traumatized her children because she married a serial killer. NOW she’s also dealing with the guilt of knowing that she’s the one who brought Eve into Malcolm’s life. That look hurt or devastation on Jessica’s face which later transforms into rage and hatred is haunting. Props to Bellamy Young. 

27:26 - This. Look at Malcolm’s face. Eve looks like she’s close to tears. Malcolm is looking at her with compassion. Yes - you can tell that Malcolm is devastated and hurt by Eve. However, he also clearly empathizes with her. Again. Malcolm. Bright. Is. An. A+. Dude. Fight me.

27:40 - Can we all just pause for a second and praise Tom Payne’s acting in this scene? He captured the raw emotion of a trauma induced panic attack perfectly. Look at how utterly broken Malcolm is. Hands shaking on his head. Tears in his eyes. Ragged breathing. Followed by a brief angry outburst which leads to more shaky, anxious breathing and eyes on the verge of tears. The end result is physical and emotional exhaustion. 

 27:45 - Ainsley looks shocked and a little scared by Malcolm’s outburst. Has she (HIS SISTER) never seen him have a panic attack? They grew up together. I refuse to believe it. Ainsley shouldn’t look shocked - she should look sad and resigned to it. 

 28:06 - This is heartbreaking. Malcolm genuinely thinks that there is something about him that makes him unlovable. I know he’s already in therapy - but they need to stop focusing on his trauma for a hot second and focus on his self-worth issues. I aM nOt OkAy. 

 28:22 - Can we all just take a minute to appreciate Dani Powell. She has been such a good friend to Malcolm. Probably the first true friend Malcolm’s had since he was 10 years old. Even in the midst of extreme emotional turmoil a work-related text from Dani makes Malcolm smile. Because Malcolm knows that Dani  - a woman who isn’t related to him and has no obvious crush on him - doesn’t hate him. In fact - she likes him enough to be his friend. Right now that’s enough. That’s a big comfort to Malcolm. 

 28:36 - This is sheer panic on Jessica’s part. Check out those eyes. She just saw pure self-loathing and anger in her son’s eyes. She’s terrified for him. Maybe this look is reminding her of a look he got as a teenager when he became suicidal (it’s my headcanon that Malcolm had a period of active suicidal ideation as a teenager)? 

 28:40 - “I can’t solve this.” Is Malcolm referring to himself here? I mean - he clearly thinks that he is the problem; despite the fact that Eve came into his family’s life with the intention of getting information on his serial killing father. Ugh. His sad eyes and messy hair (that tends to indicate Malcolm is in severe emotional distress) is breaking my heart. 

 28:54 - Ok. So - who is this woman? How did Christine find her? Why did Christine go to her? It doesn’t look like a women’s shelter - it looks like a random lady’s residential home. 

 29:00 - Again. Let’s all praise Queen Dani. The bestest friend this dude has ever had.  She just goes out and asks him what’s wrong. She’s concerned about him BECAUSE she knows he’s upset about something.

29:20 - I love that Malcolm is comfortable enough around Dani to be honest with her about the really hard stuff in his life. Look at how sad Malcolm looks here. Look at Dani’s reaction. She isn’t judging him or pitying him. She isn’t pushing him to talk. She’s just supporting him. She’s a little shocked, a lot upset on his behalf, but mostly she’s just concerned. She’s being a good friend and I love her for it. 

 29:36 - Lucas is a scum. Anyone who abuses a spouse, child, or family member has a special spot reserved in hell. 

 29:52 - Look at Dani as Christine tells her story. She’s sympathetic, respectful, and concerned. Either this isn’t the first time Dani’s been around a battered woman on the job or Dani has personal experience with abuse. Maybe a friend/family member was abused? Hell - maybe Dani had an abusive boyfriend or something? 

30:20 - I really respect Malcolm in this scene. He knows that women who are fresh out of an abusive relationship (or still in one) with a male are weary of men. Usually, when Malcolm gets this type of information about a case he starts speaking quickly, loudly, and intensely. He starts gesturing a lot with his hands. IN THIS SCENE - Malcolm reigns himself in. He stays relatively calm and still as he speaks. He knows that his usual hand-gesturing and loud voice would terrify a woman who was just beaten by a man who was supposed to love her. This. Is. A. Good. Dude.

31:10 - Malcolm just shows Dani his cracked phone screen. I’m curious - does she ever ask about it? I’d like to hear that conversation. 

33:05 - I LOVE THIS. Gil is terrified for a) Malcolm but b) Alessa and Nina too. This is a side of Gil I’d like to see more often. ALSO notice that the second that JT realizes that Gil is suffering from a parental panic attack he floors it. JT is going to be a good Dad. <3 He knows how to love and he has a big heart. That’s the most important thing. 

 34:34 - Again. Malcolm is currently displaying empathy and sympathy for a murderer. This dude has the biggest heart in the world. 

35:45 - Alessa is a badass. Nina is a lucky little girl. 

36:04 - I love this scene. Gil looks so relieved that Malcolm is in one (mostly unharmed) piece. He’s so proud of Malcolm for keeping Alessa and Nina safe. I’m certain that Jessica and/or Ainsley called Gil about Malcolm’s panic attack which exacerbated Gil’s worry over Malcolm.

37:07 - THE SCENE. The scene. This scene is easily my favourite of the episode. I love watching JT and Malcolm’s friendship in real time. Look right here this is two guys chatting about how cool someone is. <3 Look at how happy and proud JT is of a woman he just met. I promise you he’s thinking about how awesome and badass of a mother his wife is going to be. 

 37:28 - JT’s scared face coupled with his softly spoken “Dude.” stops my heart. It’s as though talking to someone other than his wife makes the baby seem like more of a scary, real responsibility. You can tell that he’s excited but still terrified about fatherhood. He’s not quite ready to tell people yet. 

37:37 - “The thing’s the size of a peanut.” - I googled it: Tally is about 9 weeks pregnant. ALSO how freaking cute is it that JT is so excited about his unborn child that he knows how big it is. <3 I can just see him panic researching about pregnancy and caring for infants in the middle of the night while Tally sleeps. <3 

 37:44 - He doesn’t want to jinx it? Does that mean he and Tally have had trouble getting pregnant in the past? Miscarriages? Infertility? Or is JT just scared from everything he’s been researching about pregnancy? Either way - if Tally looses this child I will riot. 

37:50 - “You don’t do happy.” - Malcolm’s face twists into a look of hurt and sadness. He genuinely believes JT’s words - even though JT meant them as a joke. JT sees that too because he immediately starts teasing Bright. JT is concerned about Malcolm. 

38:39 - So Eve does have a key. Nope. Not cool. Not in-line with Malcolm’s trust issues. I refuse to believe it. 

 39:11 - I hate watching Malcolm be this sad. Look at his nose. It’s just a little red - he’s been crying. His fragile ability to trust has been shattered again and Eve’s apology is quite honestly not very good. 

39:45 - Can we all just pause on Malcolm’s shirt? It looks like the orange sweater Gil wore in 1x13. Did they go shopping together? Did Malcolm buy the shirt because it reminded him of Gil? Does he only wear it when he feels sad because the fact that it reminds him of Gil comforts him

40:35 - What’s the story of Eve’s Dad? What’s his deal? 

41:40 - I’m really proud of Malcolm for being brave enough to face the truth and have this really difficult conversation with Eve. 

43:09 - Ok. I’ll say it. Malcolm is too nice. This woman shattered his heart last night and now he’s hugging her? Bro - you don’t have to do that. You’re allowed to be upset. You’re letting her walk all over you. 

Thanks for hanging out Prodigies. 

[mental-health-advice]

Submissions from 🦚🌺

So took me a while to scroll through to my last tagged ask (for some reason searching didn’t work). So much about staying consistent and actually tagging my stuff from now on. Gosh uff. The one where sibling found possible drugs and the one about mom being xenophobic almost causing shut down as in passing out were me too. I usually either tend to forget to tag or I guess am kinda scared since I feel I send in A LOT? I really don’t know. It’s just a lot going on and I feel bad always (1🦚🌺)

I feel bad always throwing all my stuff at my friends. Especially as one friend a few years ago was diagnosed with depression. Idk what her current situation is tho except that she seems to do better. I won’t ask her since I feel weird about that stuff. Plus really unless she wants to tell me it’s none if my business. But yeah that’s that I guess. Now… I’ve been rejected from the art college/highschool unfortunately so that’s out the window. My therapist suggests volunteer year 2🦚🌺

Whivh we have a social and economic one of I think? Idk. I know social won’t work because of my likelyhood of social anxiety which kinda self explanatory I guess. Economic I’m just scared I wont be able to pull the whole tear through, scared to do stuff wrong etc. Hell I spent 2 low sleep nights crying after the rejection and mom forced the answer out of me when I clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Turned into an argument about how I got forced into abitur/regular highschool 3🦚🌺

And OBVIOUSLY she blames dad for it. Which like… great whatever he told her. My point is HE was more supportive in front of ME than she was. She just tore me down 2 years ago. Next week I dont have a therapist appointment since she will be moving. So I’m praying this week will go by smoothly. Well as smooth as it can go with all the arguments around here I guess. I’m still trying to process everything since March 4🦚🌺

1? 2? I’ve lost track of time … weeks ago she and her bf fought very badly and she essentially ran away for an hour, he claimed he is leaving but then stayed. My younger sisters were all crying, my brothers were just not surprised and I had to try call family members (which calling others is a physical challenge for me) trying to find a way to deal with what happened. My therapist knows about this incident. She now also knows moms bf smokes weed but not about what 5🦚🌺

else we found. I’ll see if I can bring it up soonish since it still worries me… my brother also later confirmed again he caught them snorting it so yeah most likely we are right about it being cocaine. I feel uncomfortable looking up the effects of it but my cousin said that could explain a lot of moms behavior. Shes always been this way I think.I right now dont even remember where I was going with this ask chain hhhh frick.I’m loosing track of myself once again please send help 6🦚🌺

(Have to switch to browser because app again refuses to let me send stuff wtf) My mom also is back onto “oh you just have split personality!” … I have informed myself on DID and OSDD, I have symptoms yes. But I doubt it’s that. In fact my therapist even talks about that stuff with me! I have different parts but mom doesn’t know they exist so idk. I tried to literally tell her how DID is made and she didn’t want to listen. She claims she did almost everything right and I’m making up 7🦚🌺

My trauma. So you would think that she would stay away from assuming such a trauma heavy diagnosis. Welp she actually doesn’t know anything about mental health either way and legit took my brother off his adhd meds years ago because “they changed him too much” and then refused to take him to appointments when we noticed signs of tourette in him because she felt like she fucked up as parent?? Wat?? I can’t make sense of this woman anymore tbh 8🦚🌺

Sorry that this is all over the place, it’s 1am for me rn, I cant sleep really, still am trying to process I won’t see my friend who I was looking forward to seeing this year for 2-3 years and who would have been a temporary escape from this hellhole until at least another year or 2 depending on the situation, being in the top 10 corona countries and in fact second most infected state in germany and really just switching between sliding down to a kid and /or almost passing out 9(?)🦚🌺

almost passing out when trauma responses shut me down and I just can not describe my emotions of the past months other than I just want someone to hug me and to feel safe and to feel like this mess at home and the world isn’t happening. My mind is all over the place and I feel like at this point I’m going insane and I’m not making any sense anymore. Again sorry for the probably stupid rant/,vent that probably made no damn sense idek anymore - final🦚🌺

So much about what I sent in yesterday hoping for the best. 3 hours ago I woke up to a message chain about how we (me and my siblings. We are 6 in total) apparently abuse her and use her. And basically just complaining about the tiniest things regarding chores. For example yesterday I completely cleaned the kitchen and she complained because some dishes stood around since people still ate AFTER I did the chores. Like tf. My friends say it seemed like from the screenshots that she is 1🦚🌺

using us as tools? Idek anymore. She also completely ignored me sending her and asking her stuff about the valounteer year last night since the school rejected me and I need that alternative. Apparently a clean flat is more important than my literal future. On the other hand I for once had a normal conversation with my almost 15yo brother (I’m almost 19, however not mentally and also not in the position to move still especially with the virus and all) and it turned out that he shares 2🦚🌺

Moms views on therapy whivh I’ve mentioned in the past aren’t really the best views on it. So yeah that’s just great. He basically just thinks it’s stupid. Either way. Currently my only way of possibly getting away would be a psychiatric /mental hospital stay. THING IS while I’m bety aware it isnt like in the movies I am deadly afraid of the thought. Not having my freedom to come and go when I please, not being able to meet up with friends or something etc. I would not feel safe and 3🦚🌺

it would just expose me to a lot of stress and anxiety which wouldn’t be any better than being yelled at constantly at home and having mom shit talk my friends. Everything is just kinda a mess with her rn and my siblings don’t see it from my perspective. Like YES we mess up and don’t do things right. She has a reason to be mad. But NO she doesn’t have the tight to essentially abuse us and no her behavior isnt parenting this is manipulation. 4🦚🌺

They only see the first half and think she’s in the right… I myself struggle to differentiate right and wrong and am unable to read situations well, which is why it took me 17-18 years and my friends calling it out to realise this is wrong. But I at least listen… they don’t. I sometimes just wish I grew up in a stable functioning family. Or honestly that she never even had me since she was VERY young when she had me so that’s probably why she never learned how to 5(?)🦚🌺

Act properly towards us. As she had me when she was just my age (18) and then the following 8 years had 4 more of my 5 siblings. I feel she never had time to grow up and learn herself especially considering she was abused herself…. final🦚🌺

Hi 🦚🌺, 

It's good to hear from you again! There's absolutely nothing wrong with messaging us often, so feel free to tag all of your asks that you send in! I think that will actually make it easier on both of us, as you'll be able to find responses easier and I can look back on your previous asks easier to make sure I'm not missing anything or repeating myself :) Also, the search function on tumblr is quite picky, so unfortunately it can be hard to find posts. I've run into the same issue with locating old asks on the blog as well! 

It's understandable that you don't want to bug your friends with your problems, especially if they have some mental health struggles of their own. However, it might help to think of it this way: mental illness is so common that chances are most people you meet will have some sort of struggle with their mental health, which means you wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about your struggles if you don't want to bother someone who struggles with their mental health. That doesn't seem fair to you! While everyone needs to have boundaries, especially to protect their health, I think it's reasonable to share things with your friends when you're struggling. You deserve that support, especially with everything else you have going on in your life! 

It must have been devastating to not get into art school and I'm so sorry that happened! It does sound like volunteering could be a potential route for you to go down, even if it's just until you figure out what you want to do in the future. It makes sense that certain volunteer options can be rolled out based on the nature of the work and the things you struggle with. Perhaps there is something you could do from home that wouldn't trigger your anxiety. For instance, I volunteer for a text-based suicide hotline, which I do from home. I'm not saying you have to do something exactly like this, but it might spark an idea that you or your therapist maybe haven't thought of yet. It's just something to think about. 

What's going on with the drugs in your house is definitely concerning and I think it would be a good idea to bring that up with your therapist. It's really dangerous to have these kinds of drugs around with younger kids being there. Not only is it possible for kids to accidentally get into it and harm themselves, but it's also dangerous for them to be around adults that are high because of their erratic behaviors. This is why I think it would be wise to talk to your therapist about this to see what input she has. 

It's great that your therapist has talked to you about your diagnoses as well as what you don't have that your mom has tried to say you have. I'm sure it's frustrating to have your mom make those accusations, but I think it's good that you at least have your therapist there to reassure you that you don't in fact have those diagnoses. 

It's so disappointing that your friend won't be able to visit as you guys had planned because I know you were really looking forward to that! Unfortunately, coronavirus seems to ne ruining plans for most people all over the world. Hopefully you guys will be able to come up with another plan for meeting up, though it likely won't be able to happen until the pandemic is more under control. Still, at least making tentative plans for meeting in the future may give you both something to look forward to once travel is finally safe again. 

I'm so sorry that your mom treats you and your siblings this way. It does sound like she may use you guys as tools, as your friends put it. This is sometimes another sign of abuse/neglect, which honestly isn't surprising considering all of your mom's other behaviors.

What you mentioned about getting out of the house makes sense and I agree that an inpatient stay might not be the best way to go about it. Not only will that be more restrictive, as you mentioned, but most hospitals won't allow inpatient stays unless the person is incapable of keeping themselves or others safe while receiving outpatient care (though I obviously don't know whether this is the case for you). I still think it's a good idea to keep thinking about potential ways of getting out of your mom's house once you're ready for that. One option I'm wondering about is a group home (I think these may be called something else in other countries but it's basically a house where several adults with varying physical and/or mental illnesses live together and there are usually various types of staff who also stay there). These can sometimes be a bit restrictive, but much less so than a hospital would be. I believe they typically have a curfew, otherwise you're allowed to leave during the day. Although I'm not sure if this would be a viable option for you (and it probably wouldn't be anyway until after the pandemic is more controlled), it's just something that popped into my head when thinking about other ways of eventually getting you away from your mom's abuse.

What you said about your mom's parenting vs. manipulation is 100% accurate. It's very common for someone who was abused by parents to go on to abuse their own children unless they put in the effort to change, but know that you still don't deserve to be abused and manipulated. It's not your fault that your mom was abused and never unlearned the negative behaviors she saw experienced as a child. You and your siblings all deserve so much better than this! 

-Samantha 

[sapphiretrams]

Get to Know Me Tag

I was kind of tagged by @intricately-silly? Like, I have a notification that I was mentioned??? Idk, but thanks if you did!

Rules: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Traits:  creative + good + music lover

1. What is your full name? Riley, and that’s all I’m gonna say

2. What is your nickname? I kinda gave myself the nickname RPS? You can also call me Trams cause of my url, I don’t mind.

3. When is your birthday? September 5

4. What is your favorite book series? Favorite book series... probably Harry Potter. I’m not obsessed with it (cause J.K. is kinda not a good person) but it’s one of the few series I remember reading.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Sure. I’m not a hardcore believer, and when I watch Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, I’m DEFINITELY a Shaniac, but I’m definitely not closed to the idea.

6. Who is your favorite author? Probably Charles Dickens or Shakespeare. I’m a sucker for that classic literature stuff.

7. What is your favorite radio station? Eh, I don’t really listen to the radio.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Lemon! It’s just SO good in all candy flavors, and I love it so much.

9. What word do you often use to describe something great or wonderful? Rad, awesome, cool, the usuals and occasionally terms that are super dated like tubular.

10. What is your favorite song currently? God that’s hard cause I love music so much... maybe Planetary (GO!) or Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) by MCR.

11. What is your favorite word? Petrichor

12. What is the last song you listened to? The Cage by Genesis

13. What TV show would you recommend everyone to watch? Forensic Files, it’s fascinating to me

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I haven’t been one to watch movies when down so I don’t really have one

15. Do you play video games? Yep! I’ve been playing them a lot

16. What is your biggest fear? Being abandoned. It’s happened to me so often by friends that it’s just sort of become common place and I’m terrified of it.

17. What is your best quality in your opinion? My optimism!

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? My inability to talk alshdafsdf I’m such a klutz at speaking

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs, though I do love cats.

20. What is your favorite season? Spring! Everything is turning green and flowering and it’s so refreshing to feel the rain on your face!

21. Are you in a relationship? Nope, I am tragically single

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Having my parents read stories to me and my brothers, it was such a fun time in my childhood.

23. Who is your best friend? My friend Elli, a super cool nb person who’s been my friend for around 2 years now.

24. What is your eye color? Hazel

25. What is your hair color? Dark brown, though it’s been bleached and I would love to have green hair again.

26. Who is someone you love? Myself 💕

27. Who is someone you trust? My mom. She’s on my side no matter what, and she’s the first family member I told about my sexual and gender identity.

28. Who is someone you think about often? My ocs

29. Are you currently excited about something? Not really, I’m just kinda drifting atm

30. What is your biggest obsession? The Adventure Zone. It is SO. GOOD. I love the McElroys, and they mean a lot to me.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? The 1994 Spider-Man series. That SM has always been my favorite and he always will be.

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? What’s a gender?

33. Are you superstitious? Sorta I guess

34. Do you have an unusual phobias? I HATE arteries and tendons. HATE HATE HATE them. They freak me out and I have to cover them up when I start getting freaked out by them. I’ve had this fear since I was a child.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Both baby!

36. What is your favorite hobby? Drawing!!!

37. What is the last book you read? Pieces of Happiness by Anne Ostby

38. What was the last movie you watched? Thor: Ragnorak

39. What musical instruments do you play? Violin, a little guitar, some piano?

40. What is your favorite animal? It’s hard for me to pick, but my favorite since I was a baby is a tiger.

41. What are your top five favorite Tumblr blogs? @viper-fish @berrybloomsims @lunacysims @mellindi @sim-borg

42. What super power do you wish you had? The power to refill stuff.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? When I’m driving. There’s something about the freedom that just makes me feel so at peace, and I love feeling like I’m not restrained by anything.

44. What makes you smile? My dog. Everything about him just makes my heart swell

45. What sports do you play? I used to be a soccer champ when I was young.

46. What is your favorite drink? Diet Peach Snapple or Dr Pepper

47. When was the last time you wrote a handwritten letter or note to someone? When I was in like, 8th grade

48. Are you afraid of heights? Not really, though I was when I was younger.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? I’m a very patient person, so probably when people talk to me when I wanna be left alone tbh.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yep. Maroon 5 was the last one. I hope to go to more too.

51. Are you vegetarian or vegan? Nah

52. When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up? A wild life veterinarian. I would throw my stuffed tiger down the stairs and “rescue” her.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? The Adventure Zone: Balance world.

54. What is something you worry about? My dog since he’s getting up their in years, finding a college to go to and what I want to major in college, my bf’s safety, occasionally my parents when I’m paranoid and worried something might happen.

55. Are you scared of the dark? Nah. It’s nice. I’m more paranoid something might be in the dark, but,

56. Do you like to sing? Yes! I’m pretty decent at it, too, so I love it.

57. Have you ever skipped school? Yeah. I got really depressed when I was in high school and I stayed at home, calling in sick. Which I was, but it wasn’t entirely honest.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? My desk, it has all my stuff on it and it’s cluttered to my liking.

59. Where would you like to live? Germany, or maybe France if I can learn the language. Maybe split the difference and move to Switzerland.

60. Do you have any pets? Just my baby boy TJ whom I adore.

61. Are you an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, though I’ve been making more of an effort to wake up early. I also get more done when I wake up early, cause it feels like I have more time to do things before noon.

62. Do you like sunrise or sunsets better? Sunsets, mostly cause I’m able to see them from my house.

63. Do you know how to drive? Yep!

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. I have headphones, but you can’t really wear them in public cause they get in the way.

65. Have you ever had braces? No, though I did have a chin strap when I was younger cause I had (and still have) an underbite.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? My music goes all over the place, but showtunes are my jam.

67. Who is your hero? 1994 Spider-Man. I specify because he’s really different from other versions, and he’s so smart and such a klutz and I grew up with him. I’ve been playing the new Spider-Man game for PS4 and I almost started crying from how close he is to MY SM, and he just reminds me of my morals.

68. Do you read comic books? Nah

69. What makes you the most angry? Politics atm. Don’t even talk to me about them. I don’t like being angry and any talk about the current political situation is just infuriating. 

70. Do you prefer to read real books or on an electric device? Either, though real books hold a special aesthetic to them.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? English. Like I said, I’m a literary nerd.

72. Do you have any siblings? Two, an older and a younger brother.

73. What was the last thing you bought? Ariana Grande’s song No Tears Left to Cry

74. How tall are you? 5′ 7″, perfectly average

75. Can you cook? Eh, I can do the basic stuff, and if I have a recipe in front of me then sure, but otherwise? Don’t ask.

76. What are three things that you love? My dog, myself, my mom.

77. What are three things that you hate? Politics, White™ people, being expected to know things I was never told about (cough cough @ my boss)

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Honestly, I have more nb friends than either

79. What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual

80. Where do you currently live? The Midwest

81. Who was the last person you texted? My mom

82. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday because I was laughing so goddamn hard

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? Game Grumps and you can fight me on that

84. Do you like to take selfies? Yep! I’m hot and I know it. I’ve hated myself for 5 years, I deserve to be infatuated with myself.

85. What is your favorite app? Monster Girl Creator. It’s so fun.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? My mom and I are super close, but my dad and I... eh. It’s kinda damaged, though it’s better than it was when I was in high school. He doesn’t understand LGBT stuff or depression so he was just... awful.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? Probably French, but the funniest to try and do is Russian. I suck at it and it turns into Italian after a while.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to but want to visit? God I want to travel so bad. I’d love to go to Puerto Rico, France, Germany, Italy, Brazil, Vietnam... so many beautiful places.

89. What is your favorite number? Three

90. Can you juggle? Not for my life

91. Are you religious? I’ve kinda been burned out of religion cause my childhood church was really just... bad. I came out as bi to them when I was a sophomore and it caused a HUGE scene with the church. I was called ‘a slap to the face,’ people left the church, it was just bad. I’m spiritual, but not religious, though my life’s not over yet, so who knows.

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Space. Space space space. Do you know how badly I want to go to space? I almost became an engineer just so I could go to space.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? I’m pretty tame, in all honesty, though I do some stupid shit every now and then.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Bullshit, any and every kind of body soap known to man kind, and pollen.

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes! I can do the double fold think with your tongue where it looks like a scoop chip, you know what I mean?

96. Can you wiggle your ears? Nah

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? I come from a really stubborn household, though lately I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to be humble and just admit I’m wrong. It’s hard.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest. I’ve only been to the beach twice in my life so it’s not really my scene.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Do what makes you happy

100. Are you a good liar? I’ve gotten very good at it. I’m not proud of that fact, but I’ve gotten very very good at it.

101. What is your Hogwarts house? Slyterin. No, I’m not joking.

102. Do you talk to yourself? All the time.

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I’m an introvert, though I think I’m more of an ambivert.

104. Do you keep a journal or a diary? Nah.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes, but you really can’t give them out really freely. You have to judge who you want to give them to.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Check for an ID and try to contact the person it belongs to. But if there’s no ID, probably give it to the nearest business or police station.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? With most things. If they really wanted to.

108. Are you ticklish? Ye

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yeah, but not many times. My first time on a plane was 4 years ago.

110. Do you have any piercings? Just the basic earlobe pierecings, but I really really want more.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Shiro from Voltron, aka my husband. 

112. Do you have any tattoos? No but I want so many

113. What is the best decision that you have made so far? Learning to love myself. It took a lot of time, but I’m so happy I did it

114. Do you believe in karma? Not entirely, but I think there’s some truth to it.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I  have bad eyes, so yeah, I wear glasses. I tried contacts, but they got irritating to put in after a while.

116. Do you want children? SO badly. I want a little girl so fucking bad

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My little brother. He wants to be a freaking accountant when he’s older.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I went to a museum one time, and they had a cool dinosaur tour or whatever, and I wanted to know what the dinosaur Parasaurolophus was called, but I forgot the name and only remebered like, Ducky from Land Before Time, and Phineas and Ferb had just started airing, so I asked the guy if a platypus was a dinosaur and that haunts me to this day

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? Yes. Don’t do it.

120. What color are most of your clothes? Blue cause it’s always looked good on me, but now any color looks good on me cause I know how to own it.

121. Do you like adventures? Yeah man! I love them!

122. Have you ever been on TV? Not that I know of

123. How old are you? 20

124. What is your favorite quote?  “When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy.” -Griffin Mcelroy

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Sweeeets!

I tag @viper-fish @berrybloomsims and @lunacysims

[wondroussimmer-blog]

GET TO KNOW ME-

Basically, no one actually tagged me in this, but I thought i’d give it a go anyway seeing as this is a new blog and you guys can get to now me a bit, so I tag anyone who sees this and also wants to have a go...

________________________________________________________________

1. What is your full name? I’m not putting my last name on here, but my first name is Maja (Miya) 2. What is your nickname? I don’t really have one 3. Birthday? January 1st 4. What is your favourite book series? I don’t really read book series’ 5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Not 100% sure, I don’t believe in the sort of ghosts you see in films, but I think I believe our loved ones stay with us in some way. As for aliens, idk, we can’t be the only life but idk.  6. Who is your favourite author? I find the fault in our stars quite overrated, but i’d say John Green because some of his others are my favourites! 7. What is your favourite radio station? BBC Radio 1 8. What is your favourite flavour of anything? this is such a weird question, how can you have a favourite flavour for everything? but if it’s sweet, definitely strawberry! 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Again, weird question, but i use so many words for this, my most used are probably lovely and amazing 10. What is your current favourite song? this changes alll the time, but right this minute it’s probably sunflower by post malone and swae lee 11. What is your favourite word? is this a thing? 12. What was the last song you listened to? vacation by hippo campus 13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? big mouth, orphan black, queer eye, dexter 14. What is your favourite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? the breakfast club or mean girls probably 15. Do you play video games? only the sims 16. What is your biggest fear? probably the death of people close to me, and in the future not being able to have children 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? probably that i’m a friendly person  18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? i’m v insecure 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? DOGS... always dogs! 20. What is your favourite season? autumn/winter 21. Are you in a relationship? yes 22. What is something you miss from your childhood? having way more friends and barely any responsibilities 23. Who is your best friend? my boyfriend 24. What is your eye colour? blue 25. What is your hair colour? brown 26. Who is someone you love? my boyfriend and family 27. Who is someone you trust? my boyfriend and closest family 28. Who is someone you think about often? okay wow, so much variety in these answers but the same as the previous two answers 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? christmas and my birthday 30. What is your biggest obsession? probably sims 31. What was your favourite TV show as a child? Probably Tracy beaker or that’s so raven  32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? my boyfriend 33. Are you superstitious? only slightly 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? cracking knuckles, moths (but only indoors), realistic looking mannequins and gas masks... so not much 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind, every single time 36. What is your favourite hobby? playing sims, graphic designing, video editing 37. What was the last book you read? The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks 38. What was the last movie you watched? Muppet’s Christmas Carol 39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I play a bit of guitar and can play the mr bean theme song on piano if that counts 40. What is your favourite animal? dogs 41. What are your top 5 favourite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I definitely have more than 5  42. What superpower do you wish you had? be able to teleport and go invisible  43. When and where do you feel most at peace? probably at home with my boyfriend 44. What makes you smile? sorry if this is becoming a boring answer... but my boyfriend! also my dog :) 45. What sports do you play, if any? I don’t at the moment, but I have done tennis, dance (ballet, tap and modern), swimming, karate, speed skating and netball 46. What is your favourite drink? water... how boring ik 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Last month, I made my boyfriend a scrap book as one of my boyfriend’s presents for our anniversary and wrote some letters as part of it  48. Are you afraid of heights? not if it’s a secure height 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? I have wayyy too many and so many grammatical ones, I absolutely hate when people incorrectly use was and were, so if someone said ‘we was going’, I think it’s quite an essex thing but I hateeee it, I can’t stand bad grammar, but also slow walkers, people who walk through the door without looking behind them to hold the door open for people behind, other drivers not indicating, people that have to be louder than everyone else, people that chew with their mouths open... basically I have a lot and this list could go on and on and on 50. Have you ever been to a concert? I’ve seen all time low, the 1975, imagine dragons, sunset sons, ed sheeran and paramore in concert so far and i’m seeing panic! at the disco in march which i’m MEGA excited about!!! 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? vegetarian 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? This would change all the time, it went from radio dj, to dancer, to teacher when I was really young, then architect when I was a teenager, and now it’s clinical psychologist which i’m slowly working towards 53. What fictional world would you like to live in? I’ve not got a clue 54. What is something you worry about? EVERYTHING! I get a lot of social anxiety, so basically whenever i’m out of the house i’m worrying about absolutely everything and it’s the worst and gets me super down, so yeah, love that 55. Are you scared of the dark? okay so I don’t like leaving the dark, i’m fine being in the dark but I hate when i’m home alone and have to turn the lights off in the living room, kitchen and hall to go to bed... if that makes sense 56. Do you like to sing? i’m someone that, at home, is constantly singing, and when it’s only my boyfriend around, if one of us says a sentence that can in some way relate to a song, i’ll immediately sing it, but I suck so I won’t ever sing in public 57. Have you ever skipped school? in school I faked being ill a few times to get off of school, but in uni i’ve skipped way too many lectures over the past 3 years 58. What is your favourite place on the planet? I absolutely adore Spain, but also Belgrade (i’m half Serbian) 59. Where would you like to live? If not my current home town, i’d love to one day live somewhere like Norway or Sweden 60. Do you have any pets? yep, i’ve got a french bulldog 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? I wake up pretty early, but I hate to start the day early 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets. 63. Do you know how to drive? Yep 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? the sound of headphones but I normally use earbuds 65. Have you ever had braces? nope, thank god 66. What is your favourite genre of music? this really ranges from charts, to indie rock, to ‘former emo kid’, to early 2000s r&b, to musical theatre 67. Who is your hero? probably my boyfriend 68. Do you read comic books? no 69. What makes you the most angry? as we’ve already gathered, I have a lot of pet peeves, so a lot! 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?a real book! 71. What is your favourite subject in school? I currently study psychology which has been my favourite subject since A levels, but during GCSEs I enjoyed maths  72. Do you have any siblings? 1 younger brother 73. What was the last thing you bought? some christmas presents for my boyfriend’s cousins 74. How tall are you? 5ft4 75. Can you cook? yes 76. What are three things that you love? spending time with people I love, travelling, collecting photos  77. What are three things that you hate? busy places, cheats, confrontation 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? I actually barely have any so this is kind of hard to answer 79. What is your sexual orientation? straight 80. Where do you currently live? England 81. Who was the last person you texted? my mum 82. When was the last time you cried? I’m not actually sure, which is funny because I cry all the time and super easily 83. Who is your favourite YouTuber? I have so many: in terms of sims: lilsimsie, urbansims, sophsims, simkim, plumbella, in terms of lifestyle: louise pentland, in terms of fashion and beauty: samantha maria, tati westbrook, busybee carys, patricia bright, antonio garza, and others: shane dawson, sarah baska, kendall rae, jaackmaate, and loads more! basically, if i’m not on tumblr, i’m on youtube, if i’m not on youtube i’m playing sims, and if i’m not on sims i’m on tumblr... 84. Do you like to take selfies? rarely 85. What is your favourite app? any social media  86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? fab 87. What is your favourite foreign accent? Australian and Scottish 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? I have so many but I won’t bore you with another long list, so just a few: Sweden, South Africa, Iceland and Canada 89. What is your favourite number? 1 90. Can you juggle? no 91. Are you religious? I was baptised but don’t really consider myself religious 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? both as interesting as the other 93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not really 94. Are you allergic to anything? no 95. Can you curl your tongue? yep, one of my weird ‘party tricks’ is I can actually curl it 180 degrees 96. Can you wiggle your ears? no 97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? not as often as I should 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? probably the forest 99. What is your favourite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?my dad probably gives the best life advice but there’s too much to put here   100. Are you a good liar? It depends 101. What is your Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 102. Do you talk to yourself? All the time 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I N T R O V E R T, i’m so introverted to the point I hate it but seriously struggle to change it 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no but I have in the past 105. Do you believe in second chances? it depends 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Hand it in 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? It depends 108. Are you ticklish? VERY 109. Have you ever been on a plane? manyyyy times 110. Do you have any piercings? nope, I have but not anymore 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? no idea  112. Do you have any tattoos? nope 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? I’m really not sure 114. Do you believe in karma? to an extent, but at the same time bad things seem to happen to good people, sooooo 115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? neither 116. Do you want children? yes 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my cousin 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? omg my whole life is filled with embarrassing memories that I seem to always remember at the most inconvenient times or when i’m about to go to sleep that just haunt me out of nowhere...fun 119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes 120. What colour are most of you clothes? black or white 121. Do you like adventures? yep 122. Have you ever been on TV? no 123. How old are you? 20 - nearly 21 124. What is your favourite quote? not really sure. 125. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? sweet

[99soft]

otp questions: MY answers for markren / 3 wc: ~ 2k 

a/n: you might think i’m stupid for doing this but it helps me get back at writer’s block (revenge)! there are two more going to be posted and the last one is going to be terribly long. (so i guess this is sort of for me).

1: Who spends almost all their money on the other?

hands down mark spends a lot of his money on renjun. and it’s not like renjun asks for it because dude he’s got his own fucking money. mark just likes to spoil his bf - sometimes he’s just out and he sees something that he thinks renjun will like and get it. that’s just how he is, he’s whipped.

2: Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

who do you think? mark sleeps in renjun’s lap !!! he’s a baby and renjun is his cuddly bear. which sounds really cheesy but renjun is really good at rubbing his back and such. he also likes the way renjun plays with his hair, it calms him.

3: Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

renjun walks around half naked all the time. EVEN WHEN THERE ARE GUESTS AROUND !! it’s crazy, you would think it’s mark however he’s way too shy about that stuff. so usually it’s mark yelling at him because it drives him insane. (his skin is just so nice and mark doesn’t want to get worked up around guests...)

4: Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway?

mark likes to read things late at night and in the bed next to renjun. and renjun cannot sleep with the lights on or with mark’s phone brightness lighting up the whole room so usually he yells at him and mark will say “in a few minutes babe” but a few minutes turn into an hour.

5: Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?

okay ya’ll know. it’s mark who burns all the food. after he tried to make breakfast in bed for renjun, he almost burned down the whole house. renjun eventually did come to the rescue and save them all from dying. he just rubbed mark’s back, gave him a peck on the cheek and made them a good batch of cookies.

6: Which one reads OTP prompts and says “Oh that’s us!” and which one goes “Eh, not really”?

renjun used to really be into …. some vampire show. either it was buffy the vampire slayer or true blood. either way it doesn’t matter so he loved to write fanfiction for them … and well otp prompts were always so nice to use.sometimes he still reads them and thinks about him and mark while reading them. so eventually renjun showed one to mark: “person A is addicted to peanut butter. unfortunately, when they start dating person B, they find out person B is allergic to peanuts.” and mark was so confused because neither of them are allergic to peanut butter… it happens a lot and mark just gets so frustrated.

7: Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

renjun always wears mark’s clothing !!! he especially loves wearing his sweatshirts. no explaination he just loves mark and his nice clothing….

okay fine!  yeah its cliche, they smell like him and renjun loves it.

8: Which one spends all day running errands and which one says “You remembered [thing], right?”

mark is usually the one running the errands and renjun just texts him after he’s done, asking if he’s got what they needed. prompting mark to turn the car around to get that thing that they desperately need. it drives mark crazy because it almost happens every time YET he refuses to have a shopping list !! he’s a maniac.

9: Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

mark’s the driver. renjun is the organized one. he’s the one that likes sitting in the seat just chillin and playing music not having to worry about the road in front of him. one might say he’s a bit lazy.

10: Which one does the posing while the other one draws?

mark poses for renjun ! sometimes naked sometimes not who knows ! mark thinks it’s quite embarrassing but renjun reassures him that if he doesn’t get this art grade because of him, he will no longer give mark any more kisses for a whole month !! so there is that.

11: If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?

renjun is incredibly flexible and sometimes it freaks mark out. so i can totally see renjun doing all those cool flips and stuff because mark … mark’s just a klutz. plus mark does like chips so… it just works that way.

12: Which one of your OTP overdoes it on the alcohol and which one makes the other stop drinking?

this is kind of hard because sometimes renjun likes to drink a lot. but, usually its mark who gets drunk. mark doesnt even over do it he literally will have like one glass of wine or something and lose his shit. renjun usually has to pry the drinks away from mark and lock them somewhere he will never find them. that’s how crazy mark is. (also renjun doesnt take him to any parties anymore)

13: Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

i kind of said this in the beginning but mark likes to surprise renjun all the time. most of the time it’s stuffed animals so as you can imagine … renjun has a huge pile of stuffed animals. he loves them all and doesn’t have the heart to get rid of them.

14: Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?

… renjun… sometimes he’ll introduce himself to a friend of mark’s like “hey lee renjun”. and mark is like ???? and the other person is like ???? so everyone is confused until renjun’s ears get red and he corrects himself. sometimes it just ends up with mark and renjun making out in a nearby closet or restroom because mark can’t resist how renjun just accidentally uses his last name as his own like that.

15: Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside?

mark HATES spiders but somehow renjun screams through bringing it outside on their balcony. it’s a funny sight because they both are quite afraid of the little creatures. BUT WHO ISN’T?

16: Which one gives the other their jacket?

mark likes giving it to renjun and renjun likes receiving it. like i said before renjun likes wearing his clothing!!!

17: Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling?

renjun’s older sister always threatens mark, even when she’s over at their place pretending everything is fine - renjun will go to the bathroom, leaving them alone and she … is one terrifying person. mark is literally afraid of her so he’ll just nod along and do whatever she says.

18: Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other?

it was mark. since they’ve known each other it wasn’t that hard for other people to see it coming. mark is head over heels for renjun and maybe renjun is a little oblivious - even when jaemin and jeno would tell him, he would be like “lol no but thanks”. so after a party at jeno and jaemin’s … mark has a little too much to drink and he sees renjun out on the balcony, staring at the city below. mark somehow makes his way to renjun. renjun is like “haha okay buddy, lets not be out here since you’re drunk and like it’s dangerous.” but mark stops him because the twinkling tealights that are surrounding them - they make renjun glow. he’s so pretty mark can’t resist. “i like you.” and you can figure it out from there. (nothing suggestive, it’s all fluff with these two).  

19: How good would your OTP be at parenting?

it would be cliche to think of renjun as the motherly figure and mark as a grumpy old dad. but that’s not them at all. please they’re still young, parenting is the last thing on their minds (plus i cant think of them like this yet). they live in the moment, making out in random places and cuddling during scary movies. sometimes drinking on school nights but who knows, they probably will be good parents someday.

20: Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?

what does numbers as letters mean !!!!? they both are equally capable of writing with perfect grammar. mark loves to write, dude was going to be an english major. renjun is just smart. idk

21: Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them?

if anyone is going to be attacked by a “bully” its going to be mark just because that boy is embarrassing and a klutz, so sometimes he says the wrong things at the wrong time. which is okay because mark is completely innocent and he’s really sweet so he doesn’t know what’s going on. renjun is the one who puffs out his chest and usually scares away the bullies. he doesn’t fight anyone he just scares the LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM.

22: Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun?

mark has got to stop with the bad puns, renjun can’t keep fake smiling all the time. it’s exhausting.

23: Who comes home from work to see that the other one bought a puppy?

only with renjun’s consent because a puppy is a big responsibility !!! but yeah it’s mark who would. fucking sugar daddy esk pile of goofball.

24: Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired?

mark loves giving renjun piggyback rides. he’s small enough because mark doesn’t usually work out very often because work and college tires him out but he’s strong enough for renjun. and he usually picks him up when renjun comes home from a late shift and he just carries him to the bedroom to pepper him with kisses.

25: Which one competes in some sort of activity and which one does the overzealous cheering?

mark plays … basketball and you bet renjun is the most supportive s.o. there. fucking yelling and cheering for his babe. mark gets a little embarrassed but when he sees renjun’s pretty face, he feels fueled enough to keep playing. uhm and he always wins…

26: Who takes a selfie when the other one falls asleep on their shoulder?

renjun loves taking embarrassing pictures of mark because he thinks mark is quite ugly at times. (but his ugly boy, nobody can insult him except for him). so sometimes mark falls asleep on him and renjun can’t just pass up on this opportunity. there is a scrapbook going now with about a third full.  

27: Which one would give the other a makeover if they asked?

renjun used to get it from his older sister all of the time and at some point he enjoyed it. so he begs mark if he can do it to him. sometimes he does his nails or plucks his eyebrows. his favorite part is the facemasks or … using the bath bombs together.

28: Which one owns a pet that the other is absolutely terrified of?

renjun has a small dog at his parents’ house and mark is absolutely terrified of it because that thing can go from being cute to rabid and snarling in one second. for some reason it hates mark and mark hates being there. help him.

29: Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains?

mark just because he’s a tad bit taller and renjun doesn’t want to extend his arm for that giant. (mark isn’t really that tall… renjun is just bitter and lazy).

30: If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures? 

one of those disney places. they would be so cute there please, that’s where dreams come true and happiness never dies. i want them to make a little video together   liKE A VLog oh my god, im crying inside. they would be so cute going on rides together. just imagine it. ~

[evenstevensranked]

#20: Season 2, Episode 14 - “Sadie Hawkins Day”

The Sadie Hawkins dance rolls around and Louis is expecting Tawny to ask him. He ends up blowing his chances with her by trying to seem desperately desirable to all the girls. He's left to go to the dance with Monique last minute.. and Tawny goes with some popular, shirtless dude Tad. Meanwhile, Ren’s stuck taking care of a pig. Seriously. So, let’s listen to some Relient K and get into the Top 20! 

This one opens with Ren getting everything settled for the upcoming Sadie Hawkins Dance. Of course she’s in charge of it. Who other than Vice Principal Ren Stevens? We see that a pig has been delivered to the school a day early, so Ren is now stuck taking care of it for the rest of the episode. Ren honestly deserves better plots. Like.. what the heck. Louis gets an entertaining, romance-y main plot -- and Ren gets... a pig. Christy Romano even said in an interview recently that working with this pig was a low point in her career, lol. Wow. 

A scene later, Tawny and Ren have a little conversation about the dance and Tawny mentions that she’s gonna ask Louis!! Yeeeee! She asks Ren if she’s gonna ask Bobby, but the melodrama strikes and Ren is all “That’s actually been over for a while...” EXCEPT!!! This episode initially aired the literal day before Sibling Rivalry, which is Ren and Bobby’s official break up episode. Seriously, Disney?! I will never understand why they jack up their airing schedules so bad. At least the order of my countdown inadvertently tackles these episodes sequentially! I’d also like to mention that Tawny says the idea of the girls asking the guys is cool, but states “I don’t do Hillbilly” with an air of disgust. I RELATE TO HER CHARACTER SO MUCH???

At lunch, 6 girls who have asked Twitty to the dance swarm him, anxiously awaiting his decision. This is one of those instances where you realize... Oh, right. Twitty is supposed to be cute and kinda popular even though he hangs out with the outcasts? Okay. Louis walks over with Tom and shouts to the girls “Hey, what’s up! I’m Louis!” The girls scatter and you hear one snicker “Yeah. No kidding! So what?!” HAHA. Louis is a little salty over the fact that not one girl has come “within 50 feet” of him, yet Twitty has 8 potential dates lined up. I think y’all know by now that if I were a student at LJH back in the day, I totally would’ve been that weird girl who asked Louis Stevens lol. Tom exclaims that the only other guy with as many offers as Twitty is Tad Taylor. Some popular dude we’ve never seen or heard of, who Disney clearly didn’t want to cut a check for because he never says a word. 

Twitty himself is shocked that the Sadie Hawkins thing has suddenly turned him into a “babe magnet.” Tom interjects “I’m like a lint magnet! I mean, how am I getting this stuff all over my trousers?!” *whips out a lint roller and gets to work.* Gee, I wonder why Tom hasn’t received any invites!! Tom doesn’t understand it either! “Why do all the really good looking guys with sparkling personalities get all the girls?!” he asks. Which is possibly one of the greatest lines in the entire series. Louis is left wondering the same thing! So, Twitty reassures him that no girls have asked him because they all assume that Tawny will. :)

Later that day, the guys are hanging around Louis’ locker when Tawny starts approaching. Twitty tells Louis “This is it! She was just makin’ you sweat a little!” and Tom says yet another gem: “Yeah, ya know. Girls are always doing that! ...................*cough* or, so I’ve read.” Tom seriously has SO MANY incredible lines in this episode. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through this review without quoting every single one. This is probably my personal favorite Tom performance ever. 

Louis royally messes everything up. Tawny was totally going to ask him, until he tried to be over-confident. “Yeah, I figured. You wouldn’t believe how many girls have been asking me out to that thing. Can’t keep their paws off me!” Since Tawny is the greatest ever, she’s immediately turned off and doesn’t ask him. Yaaaasss, gurl. 

Twitty: I said play it cool.

Tom: “Yeah, and you played the foooooool! ...Sorry. Ya know, I just like to bust the occasional rhyme.” -- I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW FANTASTIC TOM IS.

After school that day, the guys go to Louis’ house and spin a literal wheel of dates to help Twitty make a decision. We get yet another A+ Tom moment. “Big money, big money!” he shouts as it spins... and lands on DORIS!!! HIS FREAKIN’ MOTHER. The camera zooms in on her photo and it kills me. “Oh. *nervous laughter* Sorry. That... Must’ve fallen out of my wallet” is Tom’s excuse. I don’t even fully understand this comment or why the HELL Tom (or Twitty accidentally) would put her on the wheel to begin with, but it’s hilarious. Just because it’s one of my favorite moments, I have to gif it:

That zoom in is something straight out of The Office and Louis’ reaction is the best.

Just then, Donnie receives a phone call from a random girl who called to say he’s hot. Donnie tells Louis his appeal and ability to nab dates comes from giving off a “bad boy” vibe. Louis takes that information a little too far (as usual) and transforms into the most repulsive version of Louis Stevens ever: 

First of all: He’s burping here. Secondly: Yeah, Louis. Dressing like a total bum from Middle of Nowhere USA with a taped-on anchor tattoo and bag of cheese puffs is really gonna reel in the ladies.

Obviously, this attempt at being a “bad boy” did not work for Louis. It did, however, work for Tom. Who looks absolutely amazing!! haha.

“Hu hu hu, au contriare pierre!” he says as Gwendolyn, his date, appears. Are we sure this chick isn’t at least 30 years old? Is that part of the joke? No way in heck she’s in 7th grade. I always thought that was a little disturbing, lol. 

It’s weird because Louis is actually already a “bad boy” ...is he not? I mean, he’s not the stereotypical “bad boy” but it’s not like he’s a nerd. He’s always getting into trouble, always in detention, etc. I guess people like the idea and aesthetic of a bad boy instead of the real thing, ayyyy!

We get a montage of Ren trying to ask numerous guys to the dance but the pig keeps ruining everything for her. It eats one guy’s lunch, farts in front of another guy, and attacks some other dude. Which means that guy is really weak, or that pig is really strong: 

If this were a lame sitcom someone would shout “Aw, shucks! That darn pig!!” and the audience would erupt in laughter and applause.

Louis runs into Tawny in the hall and tries to apologize for acting stupid earlier by yelling "WHY DON’T YOU JUST ASK ME!!!!” assuming she hasn’t asked anyone else yet. Wow, Louis. Wow. But Tawny, being the badass that she is, tells Louis “There’s one little problem with your logic... I do have a date. Bye.” Yes. Just, yes.  Louis is left sulking on the floor when Monique approaches him. She’s trying to give him a bag of some pig food that Ren left in her locker, but Louis jumps to conclusions and is all “YESSS, I’LL GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU!!” before she even says anything lol. Even though that wasn’t Monique’s plan, she agrees to go with him. So, in the end Louis basically asked a girl to the Sadie Hawkins Dance... that’s not how it works, Lou. 

That banner tho... “GALS GIT YOUR’N FELLERS for the SADIE HAWKINS DANCE!” 

CUT TO THE DANCE! Monique isn’t there yet. So, once Twitty and Tom arrive with their dates, Tom gives us his last great line of the episode: “I gotta say, we’re all a little worried about ya. Truth be told I had Doris on standby.” Louis is so insulted: “DORIS? YOUR MOM DORIS?! No, Tom. I’m NOT gonna go out with your mom!” -- The way Shia says this gets me every time. He informs them that he was “asked to the dance” by the head of the cheerleading squad -- Yeah, that’s a bit of a fib, Louis.. but I’ma let it slide. Louis thought he was going to the dance with a hot cheerleader.. but Monique shows up in full hillbilly mode.. complete with blacked-out teeth and everything. Meanwhile, Ren is stuck in the pig pen. She’s purposely dressed to kinda look like a young farm girl so this is one of the only times I’ve watched this show and thought “wow, Christy actually looks 14.″

Lawrence Jr. High is really dedicated to ~immersion~ I guess, because Principal Wexler gets up on stage and speaks in the most ridiculous southern accent. Like... I always wonder... How do people from the south feel about stuff like this? Wexler announces that the square dance caller for the night is STEVE STEVENS. Oh my freaking god. Steve is the best, hahaha. He pops up outta nowhere like “HOWDYYYYY” and a crowd of 30-something-year-old adult extras stare back at him, confused and unimpressed. 

Yeah, Gwendolyn probably is 30+ years old.. because apparently the majority of LJH students are grown adults. Either that or... Did these adults not get the memo that it’s a dance for middle schoolers? Why is no one concerned that adults are partying it up with 13 year olds? WHO LET THEM IN?! *shrugs* But, seriously. Disney couldn’t find some KIDS to attend the dance? Come on, now.

Monique invites Louis to square dance with her and Louis says "I'm not a square dancer, I'm more of a circular kinda guy." Idk I just kinda like that line. Tawny shows up with her date, the popular silent boy Tad Taylor. She and Louis spend their night trying to act like they’re having a great time without each other. Tawny is specifically trying to make Louis jealous and it’s pretty great. They give us these dramatic slow-mo shots of them dancing and glancing longingly at each other from across the room. I love it. There’s also a bit where Monique takes the call “Swing your partner round’n round!” a little too seriously and I can’t help but laugh: 

I will always be a sucker for a good obviously fake dummy gag. 

That crazy swing ends with yet ANOTHER Louis stunt double flying into (and destroying) the pig pen. I seriously never realized how many stunts happen on this show!! There has literally been a stunt every week of this countdown as of late! Anyway, the pig gets loose, runs to the principal’s office, and starts oinking into the intercom. That’s basically the end of the pig subplot. 

Louis is scarred from the twirling incident so he hides from Monique in a tiny, little pig house. For whatever reason, Monique looks for Louis in handfuls of hay! WHAT?! She literally holds some hay, looks at it and asks “Louuuuis???” I kid you not: 

WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY 

She eventually finds him, of course. Right around then Wexler announces that it’s hitchin’ time! While Monique excitedly asks Louis to go get hitched, Tawny looks on and decides to get hitched to Tad before them as a way to get back at Louis... and it works. He’s all depressed watching the two of them up on stage. Monique can clearly see he’d rather be with Tawny so she encourages him “Go get her, cowboy!” So Louis ruuuuuuns up there and interrupts the “wedding.” Which is something else that must be gif’d:

“If ya’ll wanna get hitched, say waaAHHH-HOOO!” I love how Margo is laughing as she shouts “waaaahhh” lol. That zoom in on her confused face as Louis runs up there is too good. 

Louis objects and claims “This whole wedding is a mockery!” To which Wexler says “Oooo! You’re a sharp tack, Stevens” as he points to a sign that says “Mock Weddin’s: 5 Cents.” That’s one of my favorite moments ever honestly.

Tawny pulls Louis off stage and out into the hallway where they end up having a really sweet talk where Louis admits to messing everything up. It’s so nice, complete with tinkering romantic piano in the background and everything, haha. I love their dynamic so much. So, yeah. They makeup and square dance the night away to royalty-free, generic bluegrass music. 

And that’s it!

I like this one a lot. Tom pretty much MAKES it, he’s so good here. I obviously adore the Louis/Tawny content as well. It’s just a fun and solid episode overall, imo. 

Question: Did your school ever have a Sadie Hawkins dance? I remember both Even Stevens and Lizzie McGuire (among other childhood shows, I’m sure...) had Sadie Hawkins episodes. So in Junior High, I remember waiting for my school to hold one but it never happened. For the longest time I was under the impression that Sadie Hawkins dances only existed on television. To this day, I still kinda believe that lol. 

Thanks for reading! Chime in via Disqus below please. :) 

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[littledonkeyburrito]

It’s tequila and beer so I shouldn’t be surprised

1. Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I prefer trimmed. I don’t want to feel like I’m fucking a well-endowed 12 year old but I also don’t want to be yanking all his hair out when I’m giving a handjob. Tbh it’s not a strong preference though. He can do what he wants.

2. Do you prefer liquid, mousse or powder foundation? Why? Powder because it feels less gross. I don’t generally wear any makeup though

3. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Mum knows a very small amount, but more than Dad knows. She knows I’ve dated two guys, at least.

4. Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? Not my scene

5. Do you worry about gaining weight? I don’t.

6. Have you ever used fake tan? No. In fact, I get a little weirded out when I have a real tan because my hands don’t look like my hands

7. How do you organize your make-up? There isn’t much. Doesn’t really need organising

8. Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? No. Except maybe if I’m extremely drunk...

9. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? Apartment

10. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don’t know all of Barcelona’s festivities. Brisbane has the Ekka which is fun. Things I don’t like to participate in would probably be sporting events like marathons and such.

11. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? No.

12. Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? A couple of Dad’s friends are slightly seedy but just in a regular old white dude way, not in a legit creepy way. They’re all fairly nice.

13. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? Yeah, Dad hates almost everything American.

14. What venue was the last real concert you went to at? Some showground in Madrid for a music festival.

15. Does your best friend and their mom have the same last name? Yes. Well, half. She has both parents’ last names.

16. What color is your cellphone? Black

17. Are you currently waiting for a phone call? From whom? Yes, I was supposed to get a call back from my health insurance company today. I’ll have to call them again tomorrow. At least I have a number to the english customer service line now.

18. Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? No

19. Is there a feature on your face that people compliment you on? Occasionally eyes I guess

20. What are your plans for the rest of the week? Figuring out how to get my luggage to weigh less than when I came to this country so I don’t have to pay extra baggage fees.

21. How many studded belts do you own? None.

22. Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever had braces? Don’t have a partner.

23. What have you eaten today?

 Spicy rice soup, tabooleh, a mandarin, some chocolate

24. What’s your favorite thing to do? The thing that comes to mind is having dinner or drinks with my friends, possibly because I haven’t been able to do that for a year.

25. Did you wear a jacket today? Yes, I wore my coat when I went out

26. Have you kissed more than two people of the same sex? Yeah.

27. How many times have you had sex in one day? Twice 

28. Did you exercise at all today? Not on purpose

29. Would you ever move far away for a job opportunity? That’s the plan. Once I’m back in Australia I’m going to be applying for jobs in Spain and Central America in my field and if I get offered something with a liveable salary then I’ll move.

30. Are you too shy/embarrassed to tell people your middle name? No

31. If not, what is it? No bc internet

32. What day of the week is garbage day on your street? Three times every day.

33. What is something new you learned today? That my grocery store sells pigs ears, and that the drink “desperados” does not taste good (it’s tequila and beer so I shouldn’t be surprised)

34. Do you need a haircut? Yes

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? If I try

36. When was the last time you ate popcorn? It’s been a while. I finally learned that popcorn is not worth the dry cracked lips and the kernel shells stuck in my teeth and gums for all eternity

37. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Cheap restaurants. The more expensive they get, the less I enjoy the atmosphere.

38. Is your name common? In Australia it is, but not in Spain.

39. Do you look older or younger than your actual age? Younger. I got asked ID the other day for the first time in like 6 months. And also a cab driver thought I was 16.

40. Were you ever a Pokemon fan? Yes

41. If you could get rid of one season, which one would you choose? Six

42. Have you ever performed in front of a large group? Yes

43. Are you hungry right now? No, I’ve eaten so much today

44. Have you ever had the chicken pox? My brother got the chicken pox during the school holidays with the whole fever, mild hallucinations, etc. So mum went and got me the vaccine (the last needle I was ever scared of bc in the end it wasn’t so bad). Then I got the spots start to show up and school had just started again so I got 4 days off school. We later found out that because of the needle I wasn’t contagious at all. I never had a fever or illness at all, just the itchy spots. My brother was pissed. 44. How often do you do laundry? About once a week.

45. Do you know anyone who snores? Both my parents, the last guy I slept with, this one guy I was friends with in school. Nobody else immediately comes to mind. 46. Would you make a good movie critic? No, I’m too nice. 47. What goal are you aiming for this year? Pay off debt and start saving again so I get the fuck out of Brisbane again within a year or two. 48. What’s the farthest you’ve walked? In one day? I think about 25-30km 49. What does your favorite shirt look like? I think my current fave would be my dark red tshirt with little white birds on it. I also like my denim button-up and my netflix tshirt 50. What made you feel most accomplished in you’re life so far? Being able to earn enough money in a job that I love to be able to move to Europe for a year after learning a whole new language. 51. What can’t you afford but wish you could? I can’t afford to stay in Spain :(

Last 10 people in your Facebook messages inbox: (I’m excluding group chats)

1.       Joh

2.       Me (had to write a number while on the phone and didn’t have a pen)

3.       Kym

4.       Emily

5.       Bronwyn

6.       Dad

7.       Aman

8.       Pegler

9.       Leisa

10.     Brenda

1. How long have you known 1? 4 years

2. When did you meet 2? At birth

3. When was the last time you saw 3? Yesterday

4. Have you and 4 ever gotten into trouble together before? No

5. How old is 5? 47

6. Have you ever taken a shower at 6’s house? Many, because I grew up in that house

7. Have you ever taken a dump at 7’s house? Lol, no.

8. Have you ever thought about going out with 8? No

9. What about 9? She’s my auntie

10. Would you ever go out with 10 or ask 10 out? No, she’s my dad’s friend

11. What’s the best memory you have had with 1? Too many to choose just one

12. What’s 2′s lastname? yeah nah

13. Would you ever take a bullet for 3? Probs not, soz

14. What would you do if 4 died? I'd be sad

15. What would you do if you found out 5 killed someone that you were related to? That would be horrible since we’re related to the same people

16. Would you take care of 6 if they were sick? Yes

17. Would you kill 7 if it was the only way for your other friends to survive? Yeah... if it was the only way then I would

18. Has 8 ever cooked for you? We lived together for 3 years but I don’t think so..? Maybe we occasionally offered each other leftovers but we never specifically cooked for each other

19. How many times have you and 9 fought? Never in my memory

20. Have you and 10 ever cried together? No

21. Have you and 1 ever kissed? Lol yes every time we get drunk together

22. Do you ever dream of 2? Almost always

23. Is 3 a boy? No.

24. Does 4 have any kids? No

25. Do you want to marry 5? I do not want to marry my aunt 26. How did you meet 1? At an event we were both at and then we ran in the same circles 

27. What was your first impression of 2? I do not remember when I became self-aware 28. Would you ever date 3? No. She is my dad’s married friend with 3 kids 29. Are 4 and 5 friends? They have never met

30. Who is 6 going out with? Sharon, who he lives with 31. Is 7 a boy or girl? I feel weird calling him a “boy” because I used to sleep with him. He is a man. Aman, a man. A man called Aman. 32. What would you think if 8 became your stepbrother/sister? I don’t think either of his parents are a suitable match for my parents but he’d be a kickass brother 33. Is #9 a dork? No, not really

34. What is a random fact about #10? She’s Irish 35. Who does #1 have a crush on? Probably his boyfriend 36. Does #2 have any stalkers? No, I don’t 37. If #3 said they were in love with you, what would you say? It would be very inappropriate and I would say that it makes me uncomfortable.

38. Is #4 hott? I’m sure her husband thinks so. She is pretty though. 39. Who is #5 best friends with? idk 40. Does #6 have good fashion sense? Not especially, but if he tried to dress young he’d look worse. What he wears works for him. 41. Is #7 single? I think so. If he’s not then I’d wonder why he’s messaging me and saying he wants to meet up when I’m back. 42. Would #8 and #9 make a cute couple? God no

[r0rorowurboat]

All of them!

200: My crush’s name is: n/a lmao199: I was born in: naples, fl198: I am really: gay?? idk197: My cellphone company is: t mobile196: My eye color is: green/blue/gray/idk man195: My shoe size is: 7 1/2 8 sometimes194: My ring size is: um i think that was 7 too but i dont remember193: My height is: 5′4″192: I am allergic to:pineapples and penicillin191: My 1st car was: a v old red saturn190: My 1st job was: a waitress189: Last book you read: um i think it was uhhhhhh shit uhhhh god fuck it was the warrior cats book but!!! it was bc i was stuck at my sister house with nothing but bibles or that series to read188: My bed is: an air mattress atm187: My pet: is perfect and i love her her name is luna and shes a little black cat who loves cuddles and kisses186: My best friend:is wonderful and i love him185: My favorite shampoo is: uhm. error i hardly ever use shampoo bc i have v dry curly hair and it makes it horrible184: Xbox or ps3: pc boi183: Piggy banks are: cure182: In my pockets: they dont make pockets in womens fashion wtf are you on. but uh. usually my phone, wallet, and keys181: On my calendar: i.. dont.. have one. 180: Marriage is: alright i guess. tax benefits179: Spongebob can: do that annoying laugh 178: My mom: tries v hard177: The last three songs I bought were? *squints* i think... it was keshas new album?176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQuR8LVKhUE175: How many cousins do you have? 2174: Do you have any siblings? yes i have 3 older sisters173: Are your parents divorced? yeup172: Are you taller than your mom? nope171: Do you play an instrument? not anymore but i used to play clarinet170: What did you do yesterday? uhm spent the day at home as usual[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: nah man168: Luck: to an extent i guess?167: Fate: i dont think so. 166: Yourself: sometimes165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: nah163: Hell: nah162: God: nah161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: nah159: Ghosts: hmmm probably158: Gay Marriage: yes!157: War: no156: Orbs: orbs?? what are those?? like in ghost hunter shows? bc if so then no155: Magic: hm. what type? i think theres stuff we dont know about but idk if id call it magic. I think certain things have more power than we give credit. idk its hard to explain.[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: redheadsredheadsredheads150: Blondes or Brunettes: hmmmm blondes i guess?149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: hmmm oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: usually sneakers tbh but uhhh i own more heels then flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: hm i mean i guess sweet and poor? im already poor so137: Coke or Pepsi: i dont drink soda, water. or coffee136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: cremated134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: um. walmart? 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who?131: Small town or Big city: hm idk. probably city? 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither pls128: Manicure or Pedicure: hmmm manicure probs.127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the east coast but idk west coast is home to a lot of friends so hmmmm126: Your Birthday or Christmas: its like a week apart there isnt much difference125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: i dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: icky121: George Bush: memes?120: Gay Marriage: im gay119: The presidential election: my vote didnt matter!118: Abortion: its your body your choice117: MySpace: never had one116: Reality TV: i mean, its fake? entertaining tho115: Parents: eh. 114: Back stabbers: icky113: Ebay: cheap stuff112: Facebook: only for family tbh111: Work: pays the bills110: My Neighbors: dont know them109: Gas Prices: expensive108: Designer Clothes: overpriced107: College: wish i could afford it!106: Sports: nah105: My family: haha104: The future: haha[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: my grandma a few days ago102: Last time you ate: pizza a few hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: moving day seeing my extended family again100: Cried in front of someone: the other night with my mom or uhhh in call with kina today actually99: Went to a movie theater: wow uh pretty long time ago i dont actually remember98: Took a vacation: haha idk man97: Swam in a pool: wow uh idk96: Changed a diaper: hm last time i was with the twins. not sure how long its been. maybe 2 or 3 months?95: Got my nails done: when did my sister get married? years ago idk94: Went to a wedding: ^^93: Broke a bone: never have92: Got a peircing: about a year ago91: Broke the law: heh uh 90: Texted: a few hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably kina or riley rn88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom tbh. the kids. wyatt. 87: The last movie I saw: the orphan86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: hm idk getting a job i guess85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting a job lmao84: People call me: by my name. but i have nicknames now!! Ray, rachi, babe, ray baby... its very nice and makes me feel warm and fuzzy and loved83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmmm clean? be honest about things that are bothering me? idk82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn sun aquarius moon80: The first person i talked to today was: the gc i think?79: First time you had a crush: i was v young and they had freckles and red hair and i died78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: um i try not to hide things in general! but someone who will call me out recently is raiken and archie lmao77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: riley lmao tho i beat her to it 

76: Right now I am talking to: riley75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i am grown up technically. uh. hopefully be an animator74: I have/will get a job: as a cashier probably73: Tomorrow: i have a job interview and then im gonna get coffee72: Today: was a long day71: Next Summer: hmmm idk70: Next Weekend: IDK GOD69: I have these pets: a cat!! who i love!!! and already gushed about but shes laying on my lap and purring rn and its so soothing68: The worst sound in the world: scratching against those uhhhh holographic things???? god i hate it67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hmnn my dad haha66: People that make you happy: my friends!!! Kina, Ali, Archie, Riley, Leo, Raiken, Mimi...... all of them good pals the squad my faves i love them65: Last time I cried: today rip64: My friends are: GOOD AND AMAZING I LOVE THEM63: My computer is: big! and i like it62: My School: none61: My Car: ded from the hurricane rip me60: I lose all respect for people who: are shitty? idk. 59: The movie I cried at was: hmmmm idk movies dont usually make me cry58: Your hair color is: uhm it was really dark blue but as the color has faded it kind of looks black/brown now57: TV shows you watch: a lot of them56: Favorite web site: uh i guess tumblr55: Your dream vacation: not being here!! probably just going around visiting everyone and hanging out having a good time54: The worst pain I was ever in was: tearing a ligament in my knee it hurt a lot53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy51: My favorite celebrity is: ummm idk50: Where would you like to be: home tbh49: Do you want children: idk48: Ever been in love: ye47: Who’s your best friend: hhhhhhhhhhhh raiken46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls and nb babes45: One thing that makes you feel great is: just hanging out with people tbh44: One person that you wish you could see right now: i guess that would be my mom haha43: Do you have a 5 year plan: i did once. idk what happened to it haha i guess things never really go according to plan and it just hurts more to make one. just set goals, not plans.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: i did once but i dont think i have the same values as i did when i made that41: Have you pre-named your children: i used to but idk if i want kids anymore40: Last person I got mad at: ummmm hmm 39: I would like to move to: hmm somewhere with 4 seasons not just summer and less hot summer38: I wish I was a professional: artist[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: kit-kats36: Vehicle: um idk small ones i guess35: President: obama? idk34: State visited: ooohhh michigan33: Cellphone provider: ive only ever had the one so idk32: Athlete: uh31: Actor: uh30: Actress: uh29: Singer: hmmmmmmmm rn i would have to say Bea Miller but check back with me in a week28: Band: The Silent Comedy27: Clothing store: hmmmm cotton on has really comfy clothes26: Grocery store: target or publix25: TV show: rn? bnha24: Movie: hhhhhh um idk uhhhhh moulin rouge i guess? it used to be my fav but idk anymore23: Website: tumblr22: Animal: elephants21: Theme park: epcot20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: none18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: hmmmmm A Monster Calls15: Day of the week: none14: Beach: hh13: Concert attended: never been12: Thing to cook: uh i guess eggs11: Food: sushi10: Restaurant: its a really good sushi place with bubble tea and thai donuts that i dont remember the name of9: Radio station: hhh idk8: Yankee candle scent: idk7: Perfume: i dont really like perfume it gives me headaches6: Flower: ooooh gardenia5: Color: blue/green teal4: Talk show host: john oliver3: Comedian: hh2: Dog breed: hmmm husky? also labradors and uhhh all dogs tbh ohhh pitbulls and rottweilers i love dogs good yes1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye mostly

[blondewolfhd]

* 199 - 1?? >:3c i fucked up on sending the last one

199: I was born in:One of the worst states ever 198: I am really: Strange?197: My cellphone company is: AT&T196: My eye color is: Blue 195: My shoe size is: 6194: My ring size is: ??193: My height is: 5′5192: I am allergic to: SO MANY The one’s I remember on the top of my head are mites, black walnut, pine, and timothy grass (I’m allergic to like 6 grasses jc)191: My 1st car was: Don’t have one190: My 1st job was: Don’t have one yet189: Last book you read: Can’t remember 188: My bed is: so soft I love but I need to get two slats because they broke187: My pet: I have so many! I love all of them! There’s Ralph, Groucho, Axel, Paisley, Psycho, Josh, Pepper, Cole, Hamilton, Philip, Meowgi, Wrex, Wolf, Nikka, Ivypool, and Crowfeather. I’m fostering three animals. Two cats and one puppy!186: My best friend: S I R185: My favorite shampoo is: TRESemme Smooth and Silky 184: Xbox or ps3: PS3183: Piggy banks are: Good I guess182: In my pockets: I don’t have any I’m wearing Kenna’s pants181: On my calendar: So many birthdays (I have a bad memory)180: Marriage is: Alright179: Spongebob can: ??178: My mom: Ugh177: The last three songs I bought were? I download I don’t have any money 176: Last YouTube video watched: 1000 ways to die175: How many cousins do you have? I don’t talk to any of them ever.174: Do you have any siblings? Two both are half siblings but I never talk to one of them173: Are your parents divorced? No 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah171: Do you play an instrument? Not good170: What did you do yesterday? Hung with A.Ham while I recovered from my wisdom teeth surgery[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No I believe it isn’t love but attraction at first sight You can’t really love someone until you get to know them 168: Luck: Not really167: Fate: Not sure166: Yourself: Nope165: Aliens: Yea164: Heaven: Agnostic163: Hell: ^162: God:^161: Horoscopes: Iffy160: Soul mates: Iffy159: Ghosts: Yet again iffy 158: Gay Marriage: Of freaking course 157: War: Unfortunately we can’t have peace in these times because of people like trump 156: Orbs:??155: Magic: ??[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Never been high so152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: No pref150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Apples143: Curly or Straight hair: No pref142: McDonalds or Burger King: Mocha Frappe141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet 137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Burried 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing133: Coach or Chanel: ??132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:??131: Small town or Big city: Small town130: Wal-Mart or Target: No pref129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Rami Malek128: Manicure or Pedicure: I hate either127: East Coast or West Coast: Idk 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: We don’t really celebrate birthdays125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: Six Flags123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: It should be avoided but the orange idiot is probably gonna throw us into one soon 121: George Bush: Jet fuel can’t melt steel beammsss 120: Gay Marriage: !00% Great 10/10 119: The presidential election: I hate trump 118: Abortion: Should be 100% percent legal  Pro choice 117: MySpace: I used to have one116: Reality TV: I like Jeremy Kyle115: Parents: sigh 114: Back stabbers: Kill em 113: Ebay: Never used it112: Facebook: I hate most of the people who post on it 111: Work: Depends I really love working with animals110: My Neighbors: sigh109: Gas Prices: bad108: Designer Clothes: Never wear them 107: College: Good but expensive106: Sports: nah105: My family: oh god104: The future: OH GOd[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Kenna the other day I think?102: Last time you ate: Couple minutes ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Can’t remember 100: Cried in front of someone: When I got my wisdom teeth out I didn’t know what happened and I was afraid99: Went to a movie theater: Long time ago98: Took a vacation: Long time ago 97: Swam in a pool: About a month ago 96: Changed a diaper: Back in 4th grade I think?95: Got my nails done: When I was like 894: Went to a wedding: Never93: Broke a bone: I think my finger was the last on and that was over the summer92: Got a peircing: Idk how old I was but I was young91: Broke the law: Too many 90: Texted: About 12[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Toss up between you and Kenna88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Ralph87: The last movie I saw: Can’t remember86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Reading that letter Boiii85: The thing im not looking forward to: School or these stitches falling out84: People call me: A mistake™83: The most difficult thing to do is: ?? Talk about feelings??82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus80: The first person i talked to today was: You79: First time you had a crush: We don’t talk about my first actual crush 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Idk 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: You know76: Right now I am talking to: Technically you 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Veterinarian 74: I have/will get a job: Idk73: Tomorrow: Stop the pain in my mouth 72: Today: Hanging out with you 71: Next Summer: Idk70: Next Weekend: Idk 69: I have these pets: I have mix breed dogs, purebred pugs, cats, and rabbits68: The worst sound in the world: So many but pained screams67: The person that makes me cry the most is: idk 66: People that make you happy: Ralph 65: Last time I cried: When I got my wisdom teeth removed 64: My friends are: Great™63: My computer is: trash 62: My School: Trash 61: My Car: What one60: I lose all respect for people who: The list goes on and on (Don’t be Max and youre pretty much set)59: The movie I cried at was:So many but Marley and Me came to mind first 58: Your hair color is: Blonde57: TV shows you watch: Teen Wolf and Jeremy Kyle56: Favorite web site: Tumblr55: Your dream vacation: SNOW54: The worst pain I was ever in was: The puss pocket in my mouth 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium52: My room is: cold51: My favorite celebrity is: Jeremy Kyle50: Where would you like to be: Snow49: Do you want children: Nah48: Ever been in love: Sigh47: Who’s your best friend: Si r46: More guy friends or girl friends: I’m not sure45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Helping animals44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Ralph 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Yea42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nah 41: Have you pre-named your children: I did a long time ago 40: Last person I got mad at: Idk 39: I would like to move to: Snow 38: I wish I was a professional: Veterinarian [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Hershey36: Vehicle: Lexus35: President: Obama 34: State visited: DC33: Cellphone provider: AT&T32: Athlete: Don’t have one31: Actor: Rami Malek30: Actress: Holland Roden29: Singer: Jon Bellion 28: Band: BMTH27: Clothing store: Hot topic26: Grocery store: ??25: TV show: Teen Wolf24: Movie: The Guardian 23: Website: ??22: Animal: Wolf21: Theme park: Six Flags20: Holiday: Don’t really have one anymore 19: Sport to watch: Lacrosse 18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: ??15: Day of the week: Saturday 14: Beach: None13: Concert attended: Haven’t12: Thing to cook: Mac n Cheese 11: Food: Mac n Cheese10: Restaurant: Steak N Shake9: Radio station: ??8: Yankee candle scent: ??7: Perfume:??6: Flower: I’m not sure5: Color: Blue, Purple, and green 4: Talk show host: Jeremy Kyle 3: Comedian: Idk 2: Dog breed: German Shepherd1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Si

[soulmatesjjp]

70 Questions

Thank you @pinkhoodiemark for tagging me in this. I usually get so lazy to do challenges and this one was soooooo long but it’s kinda nice to reflect on some of these ☺️ also I’m pretty sure Emili has tagged me in at least one other challenge before and I wanna fulfill at least one thing she tags me in ✨

this is pretty long so if you really wanna get to know me you can read more under the cut

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents? it’s 50/50 we have our good moments and our very bad moments but sadly, even tho I’m an adult now, things haven’t changed.

2. who did you last say “i love you” to? my pets are pretty much the only ones I’m comfortable saying ‘i love you’ to. I say it to my cat Cloud the most.

3. do you regret anything?

Yes, lots of personal things. Lately I regret my major and not putting more effort in college.

4. are you insecure?

Like everyone I have insecurities but I try not to dwell on them or let them affect me cus I know that they’re insignificant and not worth it. Doesn’t mean I don’t think of them from time to time.

5. what’s your relationship status?

Very single, mostly because I’m not comfortable opening up to people and I’m still kinda struggling with my ‘identity’

6. how do you want to die? the most painless way possible? i don’t...really think about how i wanna die tbh

7. what did you last eat? some store bought chocolate cake I’ve been eating almost everyday 😬 I really need to stop, it’s not healthy

8. played any sports? no, never. i am very very unathletic. idk how i ever managed to run those 12 min miles in high school

9. do you bite your nails? not now but i did a lot as a little kid

10. when was your last physical fight? i’m not much of a fighter but most likely it was a fight with my sister or maybe my mom (don’t worry it wasn’t too rough) years ago

11. do you like someone?

define ‘like’

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

i don’t think so, i think maybe 36 hours would be my limit

13. do you hate anyone at the moment? at the moment no, though I usually don’t feel hate towards people

14. do you miss someone?

i miss the company of someones

15. have any pets?

i have two cats, Maxx (an old lady) and Cloud (my soon to be 3 year old bby) and my sister has a yorkie Oakley (a terrorizer who won’t leave me alone) but since she’s hardly ever home and I’m always taking care of him he’s practically mine

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment? i feel like I probably sound like a robot throughout all this, sorry I can’t express emotion unless it’s in all caps

17. ever made out in the bathroom? nope 

18. are you scared of spiders? regular daddy long legs are fine but anything bigger than that get it away from me

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I want to say yes because there are things I really really regret that especially affect other ppl but I feel like what’s in the past is in the past and I probably shouldn’t mess with it

20. where was the last place you snogged someone? no comment

21. what are your plans for this weekend? no plans!! my life is so boring since a bunch of my friends joined the military and moved away and some of my college friends have moved on with their life and I hardly see them anymore 😭 (i still have friends they’re just as boring as me)

22. do you want to have kids? how many? not really, i kinda fear having a tiny human growing inside me and giving birth to it. i think if i ever were to have children I’d rather adopt but even that sounds like a big commitment I might never be ready for

23. do you have piercings? how many? my ears have been pierced since I was a baby and I haven’t worn earrings in over 10 years but the holes never filled in

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)? I was always good at english cus I was good at reading and bullshitting essays

25. do you miss anyone from your past? man, ok there was this one guy/friend who I always clicked with and we were kinda on and off for years but never dated and I haven’t seen him in a few years and I’ve kinda moved on but I still think about him cus we live in the same town and he has a really common face so so many guys I see look like him

26. what are you craving right now? guidance? an epiphany? motivation?

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart? maybe? I don’t know I would really say I broke their heart maybe not that severe...it wasn’t my fault ok I never lead anyone on

28. have you ever been cheated on? Nope.

29. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? nope.

30. what’s irritating you right now? the fact that I finally found an installation of photoshop that works but I can’t download it because apple sucks and won’t let me download apps unless it’s from the apple store/one of their developers!!!! 😤😤😤 I refuse to pay a monthly fee for photoshop that’s ridiculous I’m not made of money.

31. does somebody love you? 2 of my pets love me for sure

32. what is your favourite color? Blue

33. do you have trust issues? Probably I don’t fully trust people easily but I’m still friendly with them

34. who/what was your last dream about? I honestly don’t remember I wish I did

35. who was the last person you cried in front of? oh man I cried at work on Valentine’s Day cus we were unexpectedly crazy busy (you can’t even understand how busy) and it was just really stressful for me cus it was only me and another girl handling customer service and she got to leave early (she was a champ idk how she kept a smile on her face even when she left) and there was this especially rude lady I was on the phone with who just wouldn’t stop talking and pretty much blaming me so when the call ended I ducked down behind the counter and cried a little from all the stress (that lady was just the final straw) and I’m sure most if not all my co-workers saw

36. do you give out second chances too easily? I think so cus I don’t really hold grudges I’m too soft that way, but no one’s ever fucked up so bad they really needed a second chance with me

37. is it easier to forgive or forget? for me it’s easier to forgive cus like I said I can’t hold grudges for longer than a day.

38. is this year the best year of your life? definitely not I need to figure lots of things out and do some stuff to get my life on track

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss? i’m pretty sure I kissed dumb boys when I was a little kid but after that I think I was 18

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked?

hell no

51. favourite food?

i love all kinds of food: tacos, tortas, french fries, birria, fishcake, bulgogi, bulgogi fries, actual good ramen. I can’t name just one fave

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason? I used to think that saying was so stupid but lately the way I’ve seen some things happen I’m starting to believe a little in fate

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched Brooklyn nine nine

54. is cheating ever okay? NO NEVER, unless you’re cheating on some dumb high school quiz I mean it’s not really ok but I won’t judge you

55. are you mean? I think I can definitely be both nice and an asshole to the same people and I’m sorry...

56. how many people have you fist fought? my siblings when I was a kid so 2

57. do you believe in true love? i believe most of us might never get to experience it but there are a lucky few who get to feel it

58. favourite weather? california autumn/winter cus it’s cold but not really freezing

59. do you like the snow? no it’s cold and wet, no thanks

60. do you wanna get married? eh not really

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? asdfgh I don’t think I’d like any nickname like that

62. what makes you happy? good food, good company, cuddling with my pets, casually hanging out with my friends, and both got7 and monsta x especially their variety shows

63. would you change your name?

never, I like my name  

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

I can’t even remember the last person I kissed so idk

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Try to politely reject them and pretend it never happened so we can continue being friends. Maybe keep my distance from him to give him time to get over it but make sure he knows we’re still friends. And maybe not hang out with him one on one for a while.

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah, most of my friends are guys and I can be myself around them but I don’t tell them everything about me

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I don’t remember but it must have been during one of the occasions I was drunk and in college and opened up to one of my friends and we probably got really personal.

69. do you believe in soulmates? JJP ARE SOULMATES!!! they don’t have to ever get together but you can’t learn about their history and tell me they’re not soulmates (at least platonically) but honestly I strongly believe a strong force like fate brought all of got7 from 4 different countries together. So many trainees get switched around from company to company and either never debut or it takes them 7+ years but with GOT7 they debuted under their first company and their average training period lasted around 3 years. BamBam almost didn’t debut with them because JYP thought he was too young until YG’s show did an episode at JYPE. Youngjae would have never debuted if he didn’t practice and practice and continue auditioning for JYP. I could go on and on but in the end I truly believe jjp are soulmates and got7 are soulmates.

70. is there anyone you would die for? um idk maybe my family and pets but don’t hold me to that

I feel like a lot of my mutuals aren’t really on tumblr any more :// so I’ll tag a few who are still active @katbeom @yubgam @husbandsjjp (I haven’t seen you around in a while either!!)

[ilonavic]

25 Q/A Personality Tag

A dear friend of mine asked me to do this tag myself after I wrote this a while ago for my lovely friends here on Tumblr, thanks to the post by @annarieta regarding this tag, it gave me a little courage to do it. (I actually think there are many scary questions, I don’t like the idea of revealing it to just about anybody.) RULES: Tag people you want to get to know better.

1. Are you introverted or extroverted? I’m very introverted. I can go weeks on my own, without needing company or social stimulation. 

2. Are you ruled by emotions or logic? I reason from a point of logic, but ultimately make decisions based of what I feel will make everyone the happiest. 

3. What is your happiest memory? Like many others have said already, which was a bit surprising to read, I don’t recall many outstanding happy memories. Like @annarieta said, it’s the small things mostly. But I remember happy car rides with my best friend where we sang (screamed) to music, and traveling to the Vatican City with my classmates. Even if the company wasn’t necessarily good all the time, that place really made me happy. It was so beautiful. 

4. What is your saddest memory? Nowadays, every winter, I go into a state of hibernation really. It’s very dark here during the winter, we have about 5 hours of sunlight everyday. It’s cold, it’s dark and murky. It makes me very depressed. But um. The day I lost my best friend is a terrible memory. We were friends for 8 years and I’ve missed her very much for 3 years since. 

5. In what kind of world would you rather live in? I’d love to live in an Elven world. I love the architecture, I love the purple/blue/mystic gloom of the places. The nature, rivers are very beautiful. Where people cherished art, music, writing, love, beauty etc, and no one cared a wit for politics, cruelty or had any desire to forbid people from being different or happy. 

6. What is your favorite video game? The Witcher, Skyrim and BioShock are my babies. 

7. What is your biggest fear for yourself? Being hated by people. 

8. What is your biggest wish for yourself? To be a happy little hermit =) In a beautiful place where I can write stories, paint and be surrounded by 20 dogs.

9. What fictional character do you relate to the most?  Queen Freya from The Huntsman (she’s my avatar for a reason guuuuuuys). Wait, let me explain, haha. She’s portrayed as a complex evil character. I don’t consider myself to be evil, nor do I consider myself to be purely good either. I can relate to her character process. Alike her, I was very trusting and happy when I was little, I was truly a little sunshine. But like with so many of us, life happens, and then life happens again, and I became... well, a different person really. Like her, I often feel misunderstood and isolated. But I also cherish loyalty above all, and shun love away from me (I also freaking love ice and snow). I think love is beautiful when I see it with other people, but I could never love like that myself, somewhere it’s hardwired in my brain in a twisted way that love is a weakness and can be used to manipulate and harm me. Heartache and emotional suffering is something I'm terrified of (you know, when you can physically feel pain in your chest), and I can’t handle it anymore. So I don’t feel romantic desire towards people anymore, I think I’ve... removed it?  

10. If you could become anything, without any education or demands, what would you choose as your profession? Author or an actress.

11. Do you have any siblings? Two brothers and one sister. I’m the second youngest. 

12. Have you ever wanted to injure someone? When I was bullied, I wanted to injure the people who hurt me all the time, but I never actually did it. 

13. Have you ever wanted to help someone, but didn’t? Yes, but I always try to do the best I can to help someone, even if I don’t know the person. It doesn’t matter, I’ll happily embarrass myself to help someone in need. 

14. What makes you angry? Bullies, homophobes, racists, sexists, rapists, murderers, especially animal abusers can fuck off right to hell. 

15. What makes you happy? My precious jewel, doggy.<3 Also, traveling and airplanes is a joy. Museums, exploring new places, yeah. Fun fun. 

16. Would you rather beat up a small child once - or get beaten up by an angry man every single day for the rest of your life? I don’t want to beat up anybody, so bring me the man. Maybe I’d get really psychologically twisted and Stockholm Syndrome would set in so I’d start to like it lol. 

17. What places would you visit today if you could? Ireland! Scotland! England! Just because @lithiumgrayangel showed me how beautiful Sevilla is, I wanna visit Sevilla one day. But of course, beautiful Italy (Rome is stunning), Venice again, Russia (possibly Moscow), FRANCE! Finland, Norway and Iceland are beautiful too. Also Warsaw, UK and US. And Budapest. And New Zeeland, Canada, Australia... Gosh I wanna go everywhere, I can’t pick one!

18. Do you want children? Why? If not, why not? To be honest, it will depend on what situation I am in. Did I, against all odds, found a person who wants children? Then yes, in a stable household and in happy relationship, I’d consider having one or two, no more. But... Right now, that future is looking very bleak. And if I end up with someone who don’t want children, then I won’t have children. Just get a dog instead, they’re less fussy.  

19. Did you have a happy childhood? It’s a bit complicated. When I was young, I did have a happy childhood, but my father was also abusive back then. He calmed down once I became a teenager, and then the bullying started, and when the bullying stopped, my dad became sick. And my mother has basically been hysterical and wacky my entire life so. But um, to be honest. I had friends, a roof over my head, food on the table. I got nothing to complain about. 

20. Have you ever done drugs? If you have, would you do it again? I’ve been offered, but I’ve never been interested and nor will I be. I know a couple of people who just smokes pipe and marijuana in front of me? I think it’s odd but. I try not to judge, and it’s not my business. 

21. Would you rather become a child again, possessing all the knowledge you have today, or become middle-aged, with 45 000 000 € on your bank account? I’d become a child again, start my life over, and be twice as intelligent. Could be like a scientist or something. 

22. If you could become any existing famous person in the world - who would you be and why? I admire Lana del Rey a lot, but I wouldn’t want to be any celebrity. Unless I can become someone really powerful and change the world. Like Donald Trump and resign as the president so someone more capable can take over. 

23. Are your parents married or divorced? They’re divorced, but sadly live together still. It’s a stupid decision, but I reckon my father wouldn’t last a day on his own, and my mother must be addicted to misery. 

24. Where do you see yourself in the future? An author, hopefully. Making a positive change, helping people, having meaningful friends in my life, living in a beautiful place surrounded by nature and animals. :) 

25. If you’d like, a question of your own here. Mine is directed to my fellow Witcher lovers; Who and Why?

For friendly purposes, Regis or Cirilla?  I like Ciri, and I can understand why people would choose her, she seems like she would be a lovely friend. But ultimately, I’d have so much to discuss with Regis. I feel like, without being self-absorbed or... delusional in any way, I have some things in common with him. We’re too loyal, we fight for people who don’t cherish our love or advice and we both like discussing philosophical topics with loooooooong sentences (as you’ve probably noticed by now). I’d feel so good in his company, he’s a lovely lovely man. 

For romantic purposes, Dettlaff or Avallac’h? My darling Avallac’h, I know there are so many people who misunderstands him, confuses his intelligence for arrogance. People call him horrible things. To be honest, I don’t have too much against Dettlaff though, I like him, and I love his complex nature. But of course, I’d never pick anyone over Avallac’h. He’s brilliant, and I would love to discover a million new worlds with him. (ps. marry me have my babies)

As your co-worker, Caranthir or Geralt? Caranthir would be a brilliant colleague, though Geralt is probably more lovable, Caranthir is intelligent. He’d help me with my tasks and I’d sit there gazing into his eyes and not hearing a word he’s saying. ♥‿♥ (true story, I often drift away when people talk to me)

As your boss, Eredin or Ge’els? I don’t know, he feels more attainable than Ge’els do. Ge’els is just da boss, he’d rule over me, I’d always feel incredible stupid and inferior around him. But Eredin is kinda wacky, but I love him, but he’s a silly goose so I’d just try to befriend him to eventually marry him so we could rule the galaxy together. 

As your best friend, Yennefer or Shani? Yennefer, my oh my, I’ve been in love with her since the first time I saw her. She’s INTELLIGENT AND INTELLIGENCE IS SEXY ASF. Shani, you cool too but. Meh, I think her character is a bit boring. There’s not much interesting about her that makes her stand out? She’s not really complex either? She’s just... idk... pretty and stuff. Redhead and stuff. (sorry @vaporeox dont kill me)

As your ally, Vernon Roche or Anna Henrietta? Nah nah, always Roche, I love that man immensely. I’d marry him too. I’d marry everyone. 

As your worst enemy, Triss or Dandelion? I don’t really like Triss that much. What she did to Yennefer has ruined her in my eyes.

Tagging: I’ve already tagged people for this tag, but I would like to tag some of my lovely followers who haven’t been tagged in this, tho I can’t possibly tag all of you, I’m sorry about that: @blackeasteagle @everydayzer0es @spooky-cowfish @dovahkiin-deathbat @shadanakara @i-am-the-sword-in-the-darkness @o-moonyue-o @heroesneverdiie @blohandrum @rosiesuzuya and anyone else who wants to do it - you can write you were tagged by me. ❤

[m0rgansux]

1. What’s your middle name? Alexandrina

2. What are you listening to right now? Young Veins (Die Tonight) - The Young Veins

3. What was the last thing you ate? Ice cream

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My grandma

5. Do you drink? Every night :)

6. Do you smoke? I smoke weed once a week or so

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Hair

8. What is your hair color? Dark brown

9. What is your eye color? Blue

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Glasses

11. Dogs or cats? Cats

12. What’s your favorite animal? Cats

13. What’s your favorite television show? House

14. What’s your favorite movie? Final Destination

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? Fall Out Boy maybe

16. How old are you? 25

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? My bf I guess

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Idk man

19. What’s your favorite color? Black

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? Throwing up on the floor at work in front of customers probably

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Always

22. What were you like when you were a kid? Weird and annoying and obnoxious

23. What would your dream house be like? Small, wooden floors, big bath tub

24. What last made you laugh? I said something stupid and my dad and I were dying lmao

25. What is your favorite word? Poop

26. What is your least favorite word? Idk something fancy sounding

27. What turns you on? Your mom

28. What turns you off? Stinky

29. What is your star sign? Leo

30. What are your favorite books? It’s Kind of a Funny Story will always have a special place in my heart

31. Do you have any siblings? I do

32. Do you like to dance? Not really

33. What is your definition of cheating? Anything intimate and/or physical I guess

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

35. Do you regret anything? I regret most things

36. Do you have any phobias? I’m super claustrophobic

37. Ever broken any bones? I broke my foot last year

38. Ever come close to death? I don’t think so

39. What is your religion, if any? None

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Yes

41. Are looks important in a relationship? It’s important to be attracted to your partner, but looks are subjective 

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? My dad

43. What is your favorite season? Winter

44. Do you have any tattoos? I have two

45. Do you have any piercings? Just my septum

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 2 boyfriends

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? YEAH

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Harry Styles LOL

49. Are you a virgin? No

50. Do you get jealous easily?   Ya

51. What is your favorite type of food? I like sushi

52. Do you ever want to get married? I think so

53. Who was your first kiss with? Wesley

54. Have you ever been cheated on? Not that I am aware of

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? Having fun

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Yes

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? Singing

59. What is your saddest memory? My baby foster kitten dying in my arms

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? No

61. Do you believe in soul mates? No

62. Have you ever dyed your hair?   Many times

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? I don’t think so

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? It depends how much money lol

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? I had this filled out and then erased it

66. Who are you jealous of? Different pieces of different peoples’ lives

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? Sometimes

68. How long was your longest relationship? Almost 2 years and counting

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? Both

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Give me $1,000,000

71. Who is your most loyal friend? Brandy

72. Are you in a relationship? Yes

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? He would do anything to make someone happy

74. Are you a bad person? I think I might be

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? Lover

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Went to DC and a bunch of museums

77. What is your favorite quote and why? I don’t really care about quotes

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? What... kind of question is this

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? I would have not went to college

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? I don’t know

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? I had a dream that I ran into my ex and my current boyfriend dressed up as a woman and knocked a store display on him???

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I don’t know

83. Who were you in a past life? I don’t believe in those

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? Riding my bike in my grandma’s yard

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? I don’t think it was unrequited

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? Casper the Friendly Ghost was mine

87. If you were the president, what would you do? Make weed legal and then quit

88. What is your ideal career? Something with cats

89. What is your political affiliation? I don’t have one 

90. Are you conservative or liberal? More liberal

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? This is a stupid question

92. Do you like kissing in public? Sure

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Climate change, maybe

94. Where would you like to live? I don’t know

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Disney World

96. Describe yourself in one word. Dumb

97. Describe yourself in one sentence: I am dumb

[randomunspokenwords]

24 (little and big)Things to work on this year

1. Take more As8 views pictures

The view of the skies in the evening is just so beautiful that sometimes it just makes me forget everything. It gives me the comfort and silent hugs that I need at times. So,even if these are ugly pictures, here’s to more #AS8views

2.Look at myself in the mirror more

The amount of self hatred I have for myself and my body is sometimes appalling. I have noticed how its been so long since I even looked at myself in the mirror. If i ever catch my image in a glass doors, even before anything, a voice in my head mimicking the sound of elephants goes off. I deserve love, from myself and I am going to try and give it.

3. Drink more water

Yes. I tend to drink alot of sweetened drinks (ice lemon tea) and apart from the detrimental weight gain it gives me, I notice how the lack of enough water has made my skin ugly. When I was young, I’d drink like 6-7 large cups of water at home. And while my friends were grappling with pimple issues in theri teen age, I NEVER had a single pimple, let laone a breakout. For some reason, my face used to be fresh. I rarely drink enough water now which explains the oily skin and idk the non-smoothness.

4.Lose weight.

I could go on about this.

5.Dress well

I guess that can happen only when 4 happens. Till then, heres to oversized shirts and pants.

6.Learn and be excited

When I entered year 1, I was so excited to be finally here in NUS. After the horrendous extra year that I had to spend to retake my A levels, I was finallly here, at the best university in Singapore (lol). And I was so excited and hungry to learn. I remember how I felt so free and exhilarated in my classes. I sat in the front, took notes and read so much. (nerd alert). Every essay/assignment was such a joy. Perhaps, that also explains why I did the best in year 1 ans 2. And then slowly, it all changed. I lost confidence. I begin to think “why bother when some one else is going to be even smarter? You will never impress the profs..” I begun slcakening. I mean I still managed to do reasonably okayish but the zest to learn was no longer there. What was the point I felt? I was never going to attain a FCH.I couldnt get the cheem readings.Every assignment and reading became a chore. I felt empty in classes. And now, in my final year, I just wana go back to how I was. Sure, the FCH may no longer within my reach but at least I wana graduate knowing that I’ve put my heart and soul into my work and accept whatever I land up with.

7.Lift

I have always looked at the gym corner where guys and girls would lift. A part of me would always jump with joy whenever I see girls in Instagram lifting. I have always wanted to also do that but yeah would always become so self-conscious. 

8.Learn to meditate

Easier said than done though. 

9. ; Tatto on wrist

Probably only after Iand my first job so that my parents dont hit the roof. Huhuhu

10.Final Thesis paper

I am dead scared for this. I cant even write a proper essay let alone a thesis. And a thesis means I have to talk to people-worst nightmare for an introvert like me. It’s going to be scary and sometimes when I think about it now, I get mini anxiety attacks. I am probably going to cry alot next sem. Hahaha.But I think, once I see my name on the final book, I am going to feel like everything was worth it and be proud of myself.

11.Sri Lanka

Like what someone said, maybe I need to sit down and think about what the heart really wants.

12. Learn to appreciate my friends

They are all different. They have different outlooks, different views, different practices, life trajectories etc. And thats what makes each of them special. SOme of them I see on a dalily basis and some I dont and some I soon wont. Some seem to have drifted while some I have drifted from. But they have been a great part of me and I know they all mean well for me and want the best for me. I wouldn’t be here if not for each and everyone of them. 

13. Wake up at 6am. Stop hitting snooze

Still a struggle

14. Be a better tuition teacher

Sometimes, its tiring tbh. Both physically and mentally. Sometimes, the kids dont listen, they dont bother and you know u can get away with it. You have the tempation of slacking a bit and just ‘drama-ing.’ For the sum of 20-25$ there is sometimes the tempation to just take a step back and think ‘this kid is not my child/sibling why bother so much?” But they are deserve attention and care. I wont lie, they tend to get on my nerves especially when I am there trying so hard to teach and they just cant seem bothered. But at the end of the day, there are just kids. Middle-class kids with parents who work hard to pay their fees. Be it 20$ per hour or 50$, as a tution teacher, I need to give them the best I can. And its also funny how I get my energy and happiness from them especially so after a tiring and long day at school and ‘D’ makes me play with his fidget spinner and talks about Rajinikanth. Or how he passionately taks about dragons as if they are real. (I have no heart to tell him the truth)

15. Speak up in tutorials

So what If i am wrong or my answers dont make sense right?

16. Finally run 2.4 under 15 minutes

This doesnt have much to do with fitness but throughout secondary and JC, i have never passed by 2.4km run.In secondary school, I remember that PE calling me out and embarrassing me in front of the class. In JC, thankfully, I had really nice classmates and P.E teachers. My P.E teachers knew I would probably fail my 2,4km but they never looked down on me. “You run, I pass you ok!” was what they would tell me. I would take over 25 minutes to just complete it. What was especially sweet was that my classmates would actually run with me. They would have finished their run like in 12 minutes (they were pros) and they would bother running extra rounds with me so I could finish. And thats why one day, i wana be ablet to run 2.4 under 15 minutes as a small appreciation :)

17. Organise my table and worksheets

18. Read more South Asian books :)

19. Give a speech/Talk

The amount of confidence I have when speaking to a crowd is......0. 

20. Sit down and send out applications to those comapnies that I think I will never get in

21. Attend more Indian weddings in sarees and make up

Stop thinking I am too ugly for them

22. Helix piercing

23.Go on  a date at least once

24. Love myself

Ultimately, it al boils down to this.