#self-dependent

[itschingsu]

舉枷

2019.08.25

通常我是贊成老人家有些休閒娛樂，但這不包括在頂樓蒔花弄草。

好囉，如果真有閒情逸致，養個幾盆茉莉、蘭花什麼的，我也沒什麼牢騷可發。馬的咧，他給你種七、八盆二、三十公斤起跳的大盆栽！這就算了，他還給你搞”挑高”，所有盆栽底下都堆疊了四、五十公分高的紅磚塊！

對一個住在老舊公寓、相當有憂患意識的本人來說，真是個Big no-no! 因為我認為老公寓強度不佳、頂樓不利排水、大型盆栽易招引蚊蟲、挑高後的盆栽在颱風季節非常危險。儘管牢騷滿腹，但同時我又不喜歡過問他人事務，也只能眼不見為淨。

一直以來，也算相安無事。直到老人家去顧金孫，問題一應而生。 首先是一發佈豪大雨消息，我就要上頂樓去檢查排水孔有沒有暢通；豪大雨過後是一定要上去掃積水、清理落葉的。這都只是小Case。最麻煩的是颱風，我完全沒辦法做防颱準備。今天盆栽若是正常放置在地面上，我還能勉強拖到牆邊；馬的咧，挑高後的大盆栽我根本搬不動！我是要去哪裡找個工具人來幫忙？或弄個inclined plane下坡呢？

今天大盆栽若是正常放置在地面上，就算被颱風吹倒，它傾倒後也不見得會破裂。但挑高後的大盆栽一被颱風吹倒，重力加速度下它就很難不摔破啊！盆栽摔破事小，我更怕屋頂被砸破啊！總之，昨天是第二次又有盆栽被颱風掃到摔破。上一次老姊找人幫忙，換了新盆後又依樣畫葫蘆放回挑高的位置上去。

但我是不會重蹈覆轍的！ 要勞煩我動手，就照我的規矩來！

換新盆也比想像中困難。原盆支離破碎的一半已被我處理裝袋，盆口直徑及高度只能粗略測量。陶瓷盆比想像貴上許多，只好改買塑膠盆；還要搬新盆及10KG培養土爬五樓。因為盆栽太重，最初設想時就是讓它躺在地上，由底部套上新盆後，再使勁將它拉成直立的狀態。但由於新盆較大較高，依店家建議買了培養土；卻在多了培養土之後，原本的設想方法行不通了；要從躺平的盆栽底部套上新盆，新盆底部鋪平的培養土就會位移…XD。但我也無他法可想，只好死馬當活馬醫。當我拉直盆栽後，才發現它有些卡在盆口處，無法完全落入盆底。雖然新盆已相較原盆大，但其實盆栽本身已經outgrow原盆，先前只是處於被限制的狀態；如今掙脫束縛，無法收斂回去了。現實與想像的差距…，但我不打算換盆，就看它的造化了。

把換好的盆栽拉到定點的地面位置，將紅磚當固定加強塊圍在盆栽四周。雖然這種方式有藏污納垢之虞，但比挑高安全多了。不過還是得觀察是否會養蚊子，真是麻煩。老人家回來後想怎麼弄是他的事，This is the best I can do now。

昨天倒盆時我在風雨中耗了個把鐘頭在做應急處理及撤離物件。 今天又幾乎耗了一整天在這事上頭。 通常我是贊成老人家有些休閒娛樂的，但請不要造成他人的困擾好嗎？

2021.09.25

2022.05.03

話說老人家又「北漂」去了。故自三月中以來，我就過著愜意的獨居生活，如魚得水。

然而每天的例行工作落在我身上。澆水、撿落葉時，我的心思就不免落在其餘仍處「挑高」位置的盆栽上。

顯然在我的「傑作」之後，終於有人意識到挑高的風險，而在某盆栽旁加強若干紅磚塊。但料想是找不到夠多的數量，只能意思性的堆疊一下。看起來既不美觀更不牢靠。

眼下四月，再不久就是颱風季節。除了工具人、斜面、手動升降台外，我還有什麼法子好想呢？難道只餘「善後」一途了嗎？

日子一天天過去。某天，我看著那些突兀的補強磚塊，突然產生一個想法。

已知1：挑高後的盆栽，我搬不動。 已知2：地面上的盆栽，我拉得動。

變數：數量未知的額外紅磚塊。

假設：紅磚塊數量夠多，堆疊面積可容納盆底直徑，堆疊高度低於挑高盆栽一個磚塊高度，然後挪動盆栽。只要每次位移減少一個磚塊高度，最後挑高盆栽就可以到達地面。

結論：我需要等五一連假驗證我的想法。

4/30下午去了一趟誠品，回程買了大腸包小腸。吃完這麼好吃油膩的東西，看著天色尚亮，五點多的氣溫不熱，決定來消耗一下卡路里。於是戴了口罩、手套，開始實踐我的想法。

第一盆盆栽出奇地順利，幾乎是照著預想進行。唯一的意外是挪動盆栽後，才發現盆栽橘紅色的鬚根早已延伸進入磚與磚間，因此被扯斷了的鬚根就留在磚塊間…(阿彌陀佛)。不過除非有二人分工，一人抬高盆栽，另一人在底下移磚；不然只要是獨力進行，甚或是颱風吹落盆栽，扯斷鬚根似乎是無可避免的事。

對於我先前的「傑作」，我曾經嘗試「旋轉」過盆栽，就是想確認盆栽沒有「盤根錯結」深入水泥地面下。今天這個意外，讓我決定起碼留個二層紅磚當底。為了這個改變，我加大基底的紅磚面積，調整好盆栽座落位置，再以交錯多邊形在盆栽四周圍上固定加強磚。

第二盆盆栽遇到點小麻煩。將盆栽朝自身拉下一階時挺順利，往回推下一階時就會卡住險險翻倒。不知是不是盆栽較重的關係？只好稍微改變作法。拉下時低一階；推回時在同一平面。總之就是「卡厚工」啦！

完成第三盆盆栽後，已經六點多，天色也暗了。加上最後一盆是最大最重的一盆，我決定量力而為，收工。事後證明這是個明智的決定，因為我下樓梯時才發現自己軟腳…

5/1早上梳洗後，迫不及待開工。最後一盆雖然費力了點，但依著前一天的經驗，過程還算順利。完成後，評估成果，我決定重新調整某盆栽的基底紅磚位置。盆與盆的基底紅磚應至少間隔掃把進得去的距離，否則未來難以清理。事前欠缺全盤規劃，且作且改；重工，勢在必然。

大功告成後，清理地面環境，最後澆水劃下句點。我滿意地掃視自己的工作成果，下樓。午後，腰酸背痛都出來了…。(其實也沒有那麼滿意，我只是在「挑高」與「佔地」間做了抉擇罷了！XD)

5/2下雨了。我撐著傘再次檢視「工作成果」，沒有異狀。一來很慶幸能在雨前完成掛心之事。二來我在移磚過程，遇到有些磚與磚間黏得牢緊，要花很大力氣才能分開，猜測是受到泥沙和(雨)水的作用。這場雨是第一個小試練，可作為是否需要再調整的參考。一切底定後，我希望這些固定磚塊儘早熟悉它們的新位置，好因應未來更大的挑戰。

天生麗質難自棄；靈光乍現搬磚來。 我根本一日陶侃，太勵志了！

※原文發表於案藏璇璣Xuite (已終止服務)。

[dyed-indigo]

believe it or not i am reading

[ID: A meme redraw of a quote-retweet with Scum Villain characters.

Luo Binghe @/shizunliker: you see me chasing you down wyd (Attached art of Luo Binghe running on Chinese rooftops while scowling)

Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu @/peerlesscucumber: Killing myself in front of you to forever change our bond and the trajectory of our lives. End ID]

[pastelshroomsbasement]

idk which version it is but that binghe design is very special to me

ALSO BARBIE YAHHH

[sergle]

alright!! since all 12 pieces at once would be a lot of stickers to make, I took ppl's suggestions, and I did a sample batch! these 4 pieces from my floral portrait series are now available as stickers!! I hope you like them! 🌻SergleShop🌻

[maxpawb]

i contain multitudes (lions)

[alienssstufff]

life series eyeball test thing

for ref its just in order of the wiki

[tea-cat-arts]

A series of mxtx couples as silly little creature designs for my shop. I had a lot of fun making these ^w^

[bright-eyed-dizzy]

yooooo are we about ta kiiiiiissss??

[coquelicoq]

what i like especially about the pronouns in the goblin emperor is that this language doesn't just have the T-V distinction (aka informal vs. formal second-person pronouns, in this case 'thou' vs. 'you'), it also has informal and formal first-person pronouns. having BOTH of these distinctions in the same language lets you fine-tune your tone by mixing and matching. with only one axis of formality, when you use informal pronouns, are you being familiar in an intimate way, or in an insolent or dismissive way? when you use formal pronouns, are you being polite or standoffish? you can't tell just from the pronouns; there's ambiguity. but a language where you can use a formal first-person pronoun in the same sentence as an informal second-person pronoun allows you to distance yourself (via the formal first) while also being familiar (via the informal second), thereby achieving the conversational tenor known to linguists as Fuck Thee Specifically.

[mul-pi]

Every day I feel like my life has no meaning

[stagbeetleboy]

I’m making a muse out of myself apparently

[knightmareaceblue]

The chaotic father-child duo, guest starring my terrible experiments with applying faces to sticks.

[knightkaito1412]

Don't expect much interaction from this, lol, but look what I did! A whole page of doodles dedicated to this silly man from Kaiju No.8!

I loved drawing Kafka's different expressions both in human and kaiju form. It was a fun challenge!

Kafka is definitely my favorite from the series. His personality, motivations, and interactions with the other characters are such a breath of fresh air compared to usual shonen protags. It's probably because he's older... And I love that! 🩵

[wordsinhaled]

Wild to me that photo-shoots like this exist and no one has yet written the AU where Charles has many outfits for Edwin to lose his mind over. But it’s about more than just the outfits, of course. It always is.

So... if I were to do it it'd be like this:

Charles’ history and childhood are the same, and he’s chock-full of confidence issues, anger, a profound need for validation. When he’s in front of a camera he can make that all disappear for a bit, and just be pretty.

But what is he worth when what he is isn’t pretty? When he’s full of spitting, incandescent rage so strong it scares him; when all he wants is to fight back against the people who hurt him?

He thinks it’s ugly how much he can’t stand his dad. How jagged he is inside. How much he wants to be loved and held safe. How deep he carries the shame for wanting to simply be admired, and for daring to think he could deserve it.

He learns his way around a cricket pitch because he has to. Because it’s the thing to do. The thing that’s going to get him the least hurt, at home and at school. But it’s not foolproof: He’s never quite one of the lads. Never quite the right sort of son, either.

Charles who saves up for ages for drapey, pretty things; lovely things; things that feel too nice and look too nice on him, and secrets them away because if his father or his friends find them he’ll be dead. Charles who finds a secondhand camera in a charity shop. Charles who takes secret photos in the middle of the night of himself wearing his secret clothes, photos in which he could maybe be the kind of person he wishes he could be all the time. Confident. Cool. Not just pretty but beautiful. Unbroken.

He stashes the photos even though it would be safer not to keep them at all. And maybe it should be enough just to know he took them. But some selfish and needy part of him wants the evidence, the physical proof. So he’s got this shoebox of photographs stashed under a loose floorboard in his dormitory room at St. Hilarion’s, and after he dies, he retrieves it before he and Edwin leave the school together forever.

He won’t let Edwin look inside the box, at first.

Charles doesn’t show up on film anymore, or in mirrors. He tries to keep it a secret from Edwin—that this might be the bit that hurts the worst about dying, the being invisible. But it’s harder to keep this a secret than other things about his past.

He doesn’t have to really actually say it. It’s the wistful glances that do him in, probably, the ones he fails to hide well enough. One day, with no preamble, Edwin presents him with a full-length mirror in an ornate frame. “We going somewhere, mate?” Charles asks. Edwin tells him no, this mirror is different. He’s enchanted it. “Look again, Charles,” he says gently. And Charles looks again, and realizes he can see himself.

And who the fuck is going to stop him choosing what he likes now, when he’s picking out his outfits for the afterlife? His cunt of a dad? The ignorant tossers who drowned him to death? Charles’d like to see any of them try.

It seems like it won’t be Edwin who stops him either—Edwin, who goes a little glazed round the eyes every time Charles draws up short to stare at a silk shirt in a highstreet window. Nah, Edwin Payne’s a bloody first-rate enabler of all of Charles’ base needs to feel worth it. Charles has got the best best mate in the world. He doesn’t say anything as Charles’ wardrobe slowly grows. Just smiles his little enigmatic smile, the one that's just for Charles with its tantalizing flash of teeth, and drags his gaze over Charles like he approves of Charles’ daring every time Charles wears something new.

So one day he shows Edwin the box. The photos. A month later Edwin brings him a vintage camera and a roll of spelled film. Offers to photograph him.

And Charles could cry. Could shake apart into tiny little pieces. He wants to be seen so fucking bad. By Edwin in specific. By Edwin, who wraps himself all up in tweed and pinstripes and flushes regularly at the sight of Charles’ collarbone. By prim and proper Edwin, who puts his hand on the small of Charles’ back and tells him to buy the silk shirt; that is why they get paid for taking on cases, isn’t it, after all? Port Townsend has changed him. Changed them both.

“We all have our pleasures,” Edwin says, and there’s that smile again, that raised eyebrow—and what does it mean? Charles wants to know Edwin’s pleasures. Wants to be one of them.

Can he be one of them?

There’s a tiny little thrift store in this little seaside town, crammed full of clothes Charles loves almost viscerally and just has to have - but he doesn’t try any of them on until they’re back home in London, in the familiar comfort of their cluttered, dimly-lit office. He digs the camera out of the bag of tricks backpack then, puts in the film; checks and rechecks that he’s put it in right.

One evening he sets the camera on the desk in front of Edwin, who is reading. Waits patiently for his attention to catch on it and for his curious eyes to lift to Charles’ face.

“Right,” Charles says. Past the lump of nerves in his throat and the phantom heat in his cheeks and the impending thrill of being looked at. “About those photographs. You asked if I’d...”

“Be amenable,” Edwin finishes for him, like he’s remembering their conversation precisely.

Charles wants to shrivel up. And he also wants to stand taller, prouder. Angle himself just right. Because Edwin’s watching him now, appraising, and the idea that he might like what he sees makes something unbearably good fizzle down Charles' spine. “Well, I'm. I'm a bit more than amenable, mate,” he says. His voice is a rasp in his throat.

“Are you indeed,” Edwin says evenly. He steeples his fingers. Like Charles is a case and he’s already solved him. Like Charles is one of his cherished first-edition detective magazines with a fraying binding and Edwin is going to fix him right up.

Maybe it'll be easy. Done in a flash. Or if not, maybe Edwin will be up for the challenge. Charles wants to find out which, more than he's ever wanted something in his entire short life and in his afterlife combined.

[pepperpixel]

SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,

BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,

IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!

FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.