#she thought i rolled my eyes when she said i should do that. and i was like i didn't! i wouldn't do that!

[torialefay]

"(Birthday) Queen Reigns Supreme" 🎂👑

chan x felix x bday!fem!reader smut 🔞

✨ synopsis: no birthday plans means you get dragged along to your best friend's company dinner party... no plans after that means you're getting fucked by your crush(es?).

✨ warnings: kinda possessive chan, felix is a little more than a cuck, unprotected sex, etc.

✨ notes: this work was catered towards our sweet Reign [ @chrizzztopherbang ] for her birthdayyy 👑 some of the plot is specific at the beginning (i tried (very poorly) to make things more british-y), but it becomes less specific after the first few paragraphs 🌟

“You have literally zero plans. Please, just go out with us. It will be way more fun than staying cramped up inside all day on your birthday,” Minho stated matter-of-factly. “And between me and you, if I have to go out, you should have to go out too.”

You stared at your best friend, annoyed. “I shouldn’t have to do anything when it’s my birthday.” You crossed your arms.

As much as you would have loved spending your birthday with family, it was so hard with them being spread all over. Even with your twin sister, you’d have to settle with a video call to celebrate each other as she was too far away. Each of your friends, including Minho of all people, had made prior commitments, leaving you pretty much alone for your birthday.

Not that you particularly cared. You’d never been one to care about your birthday actually. To you, it was just another day. Nothing special. Ordering in some food and cuddling up on the couch hadn’t sounded bad at all.

You had thought that your best friend felt the same way about birthdays, and to be fair, you were pretty certain he was just using the day as an excuse to get you to come with him to his company’s dinner party. You knew there was no way he could get out of it, because if he could, he would have shut it down 2 minutes after being told about it.

You fidgeted with your hair, contemplating just how many people you were going to have to talk to if you said yes. You had a massive case of RBF, so were you going to have to worry about it all night? Would you have to wear a tight, fancy dress? You always preferred something more loose. How long was this gonna last? Your social battery ran out after so long. Would you even know anyone else there? What if it’s just Minho and things get awkward?

“Chan will be there,” Minho stated, as if reading your mind.

You froze. ‘Yeah, I guess a company party would include Chris… and the rest of the boys.’ It had honestly just skipped your mind. You loved Minho’s friends, so you were at ease knowing that you’d get to see some familiar faces. But Chris? Chris Bang… he makes things different.

“Well now I extra don’t want to go!” you exclaimed, feeling your heart rate rise.

“Why? I thought you’d be happy to know that the guy you’ve been crushing on for, hmmm, I don’t know, 4 years now?, would be at an event you were attending… So you could actually, you know, talk to him?” Minho countered sarcastically.

“Absolutely not. I would rather die.”

That settled it. You weren’t going.

“Why?! I have begged you for years to let me put in a good word for you, and you won’t let me. You’re in love with him. He needs to find someone who will actually be nice to him. I have to hear about both sides every damn day. Please, just do it so that my life will be easier,” he huffed.

He was always on one.

“You know I can’t talk to him. I get so awkward, and I can’t think straight. Embarrassing myself in front of him isn’t exactly my idea of a great birthday.”

Minho rolled his eyes, letting out a deep puff of air. “Fine. Well, if you won’t go for him, will you go for the free alcohol? That, plus the members all miss you. They ask about you a lot. Even Chan,” he emphasized, making his eyes go big. “But we’re not talking about him. So the others and the alcohol. Come onnn- I swear I’ll make it fun,” Minho pleaded.

You shook your head with a smile. “Fine, you win. But we’re still stopping to get my favourite cake on the way home.”

"You know you're not sly, yeah?" you laughed at Seungmin while clinging tightly to the glass of wine in your hand.

You and the boys had basically ditched the dinner party at this point, opting instead to sit out on the rooftop patio while continuously refilling your drinks. After a few shots had been downed, Binnie suggested his go-to game of truth or dare. And there was no use in telling drunk Bin “no.” He was gonna win every time.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seungmin replied, cocky grin on his face, as he walked back toward the table.

“We saw you put your hand over his mouth! Do ov-er! Do ov-er! Do ov-er!” Changbin began to chant.

Felix, following quickly behind Seungmin plopped himself back down at his spot at the table. “Why am I being punished? It’s not even my turn!” he jokingly yelled.

“That’s what you get for having the most delicious looking lips out of everyone here!” Changbin drunkenly yelled, dramatic as ever. “Raise your hand if you too would have picked Felix if you were dared to kiss anyone here,” Bin addressed the group loudly.

One by one, smiles arose on faces as each member snaked a hand up, including Felix. Laughs broke out as they realized they were in unison… until noticing you were the only one without your hand up.

Changbin was the first to notice, pointing his finger at you to draw attention. “Y/n doesn’t have her hand up!” he showed in his loud voice.

You just dropped your mouth wide open, staring at Binnie with a look of disbelief. You tried your best to act mad at him for pointing it out, but failed miserably. The wine circulating through had put you in too much of a good mood.

“What?! You would pick someone else over me?!” Felix pried, bringing his hands to his chest as he faked being offended.

Minho must have sensed the slight panic you were feeling, taking it upon himself to speak. “Considering Got7 is here, she’s picking either Jinyoung or Jackson. You boys were never in the equation.”

‘Thank god for you, Lee Minho,’ you thought, grateful for his quick cover-up. Although it was basically the truth.

Considering the fact that Lee Know was the only one who wasn’t drinking tonight, you knew he’d never let you live this favor down.

“Well then if you had to pick someone hereee, right now,” Felix continued.

“I’m not sayinggg,” you giggled.

“Well fine,” Felix said, sticking his tongue out.

“It’s your turn now anyway,” Binnie started. “Y/n, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” you responded without giving yourself time to think.

“Okay. Then who out of the members would you rather kiss?” He asked, smirk stretching across his face as he laughed.

“Fucking hell,” you smiled while rolling your eyes. “Nevermind. Dare.”

“I DARE you to tell us who out of the members you would rather kiss.”

Cackles erupted from the rest of the members, scrunching up their eyes and bringing their hands up to cover their faces or to clap excitedly. This was too good for them.

You stuck your tongue in your cheek, shaking your head in disbelief. You chuckled lightly, knowing you should’ve expected nothing less from Changbin… or any of them really.

“You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” you giggled, looking directly at Bin.

“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t put their hand up for Felix! You did this to yourself!” Bin said, putting the focus back on you.

“Fineeee, fine,” you said, blushing while directing your attention down to your glass. You couldn’t bare to say it while looking at them. “If I HAVE to pick… I’m choosing Chan,” you mumbled.

“Oooo”’s and little kissy noises popped up out of the members’ mouths as you continued to look away. You wanted to disappear.

“What does he have that I don’t have?!” Felix said dramatically, clutching his chest. Wine-drunk Felix’s antics were good enough to rival even the best of actors.

You finally brought your head up to face the members, feeling more confident that you now had something to work with. “I just always thought he was the cleanest one out of you lot,” you joked, hoping to mull over the situation.

As you finally locked eyes with Chan, you saw a subtle smirk on his face. Did he know? Had he always known?

“That’s not true,” Felix said with a pout, crossing his arms to give up.

“You’re just hurt that not every one of us is in love with you! Don’t lie, little lover boy!” Bin threw back to Felix.

Felix didn’t bother to respond, still fake-pouting and looking away.

“You’re my next choice, Lixie,” you reassured him, reaching your hand out and making a patting motion, hoping it would pacify him… And it did.

“Okay, fine. I can accept that,” he said theatrically, holding his head high.

All you could do was shake your head and laugh as you all went on with the night.

“Hey, y/n, could I talk to you for a second?” Chan asked, walking up from behind you as you’d been making your way with Lee Know through the car park.

You shot Lee Know a quick look, mouth dropped slightly as your brows turned inquisitive. Minho nodded, trying his best to hold back a greedy smirk but failing miserably. You wanted to hit him over the head, but knew it was inappropriate considering the situation.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” you said, pulling back from Lee Know a bit.

“I’ll go ahead and warm up the car. Just come on whenever you’re ready to go,” he nodded at both of you before turning on his heels to head off. You knew that the second his face was out of sight that he had put on a shit-eating grin.

Suddenly feeling a bit nervous now that you were alone with Chan, you knew you’d need to try playing off any nerves you felt. The last thing you wanted on your birthday was to feel like a blubbering idiot in front of your crush.

“What’s going on?” you asked, trying to seem nonchalant.

“What you said earlier about me. Did you mean it?” he asked plainly, as if he had not a care in the world.

Chan smirked as it took you a moment to get your footing. You never dreamed he’d be this direct about it.

“I mean,” you looked off to the side a bit. “Yeah, I think you probably do have the best hygiene. It just made sense,” you shrugged.

Chan wasn’t fooled in the slightest, just bouncing his head up and down to follow along. “If that’s the story you want to go with, then okay,” he said lowly, coming in closer and bringing his mouth to your ear. “Or you can be honest with yourself and come home with me tonight instead.”

Your face turned bright red. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t dreamt of a scenario like this before, but dreams were just dreams. You could act cool in your dreams. But right now? You had no clue what to say.

“Chris, I-,” you struggled to find the right words. “I don’t want things to be weird between us just because of what I said. I don’t want you to think that this is what I was after. It’s not like-.” Chris cut you off.

“Y/n, I’ve had my eyes on you for well over 2 years now and never did a damn thing about it because I didn’t know how you felt. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but for fuck’s sake, just come home with me and let me treat you to a good birthday.”

You felt a light sensation on your palm as he reached for your hand, locking it into his own.

You looked up to find his eyes. “Fine... But Minho promised me cake first.”

With devious grins, you both ran to the car where Lee Know was waiting, sliding yourselves into the backseat.

“Mind if we throw in a different stop?” Chan said enthusiastically as he climbed in. “My place?” He smiled, looking at you as he projected his voice toward the front.

“It’s about fucking time,” Minho huffed, chuckling to himself. “Cake first, and then I’ll take you two wherever you want to go.”

“I really am the best fucking friend ever,” he mumbled inaudibly, shaking his head as he threw the car in gear.

Chris wasted no time once you’d entered his house, slamming the door behind him and automatically pinning you to the wall.

“What does the birthday princess want, huh?” he growled, going in directly to cage your body in and connect his lips to yours. He left no time for you to give a response, instead opting to throw his tongue across yours and bite all around, hungrily.

One hand of his pressed against the wall next to your head and the other holding taunt to your jaw, his chest pressed into you so tightly you almost couldn’t breathe. There was no way you could get so much as movement in from this position. He had fully control.

Moans escaped his mouth as he continued to throw himself into you, using his hand as leverage to pull your face into his so there would be no time for space to come in between you. With a quick pop, he pulled his mouth from yours, a string of saliva still intermingled to connect your lips to each other.

As hungrily as he’d started on your lips, he found his way down your neck and onto your collar bone. He licked and bit away until small welts began to form, causing a breathy moan to escape your lips.

“Chan,” you breathed out, trying to collect enough cognition to verbalize your thoughts. “Chan you can’t. People can’t know.” You strained your face. It pained you to even have to say it.

“Can’t know?” He brought his head up. “Can’t know that I’m good to you?” His hands grabbed at your waist, smoothing down your sides to firmly grasp your ass. “Can’t know that I’m giving you a good birthday?” He leaned his head in until his lips were around your ear, nibbling the tiniest bit. “Can’t know… that I’m fucking crazy about you,” he breathed out deeply as he said this, automatically letting his tongue run down along the outside of your ear. “Why can’t they know?” he whispered.

Fuck, he was making this hard. If your mind wasn’t so clouded over, maybe you could have come up with a better response. “Just… not yet.” That would have to suffice.

“Not yet…” he kissed your ear lovingly. “But one day,” he said as he smiled into you, using his hands to scoop up under your ass and lift you so that you were thrown over his shoulder.

“Christopherrrr,” you giggled, getting the wind knocked out of you in the process. “Put me downnnn,” you wiggled your legs, making it harder for him as he began to walk.

“I will, I will!” he laughed as he gripped onto you more securely, making sure you wouldn’t fall. “Just gotta make sure you get to the couch safe.”

“I know how to walk!” you tried to protest, but sounded too cute to be taken seriously.

“Barely… Here,” he said, letting you down slowly and placing you so that you were sitting on the couch. “Is that better?” he asked, half-laughing.

“Much,” you smiled, pulling on his hand to bring him in closer.

“Now, you’re gonna have to trust me and let me take care of you for your birthday, yeah?” he looked at you, face stern and serious.

You nodded as you let your tongue run along your teeth, ending in an anticipating smile.

Not being able to stand the sight of you being too far from him, he quickly fell to his knees in front of you, letting one hand relax on your thigh while the other gripped the side of your jaw. He leaned in to begin kissing you all over again, just as much force as he’d thrown into you mere minutes ago.

Slowly, you felt his hand run along your thigh, massaging gently before running over to pay attention to the opposite side. Before you knew it, he was rubbing up and down the entirety of your leg, pulling your shoes off of you forcefully.

It was crazy how Chan could be saying something so sweet, but then behaving so aggressively back to back.

You felt his breathing quicken into your mouth as he threw his tongue further into you, letting his hand drag the bottom of your dress upward until it was above your hips.

Only then did he disconnect his lips from yours, pulling his head back to look at your body underneath. Your pretty underwear that he convinced himself that you’d worn just for him. His jaw dropped the tiniest bit, seeing how pretty you looked for him.

His mouth found its way back to your neck, more gently this time. His hand ran slowly between your legs, teasing a big before using his entire forearm to separate your legs apart. You felt his lips curl into a smile as you let out a tiny moan.

Taking his time, he walked his hand until it lingered just above your underwear, continuing to gently tug them down until they were completely off, leaving you fully exposed to him. Normally, you may have gotten a bit nervous at this point, but with Chan, you couldn’t process any emotions but pure lust.

Chan’s hands found their way to your core, running gently a few times along the outside before letting a finger wander inside of you, dipping into your entrance, which was absolutely soaked at this point.

“Damn, baby,” Chris giggled, loving how worked up you were for him.

Moving a couple of fingers against your wetness, he gently worked his way up until he hit a spot that made you wince and had your breath hitch in your throat.

“Is that it princess? Is that where it feels good?” he smiled, pulling himself from your neck so that he could watch your face.

You nodded, throwing your head back and taking deep breaths to try and keep yourself from slipping away.

“Do you like it like this?” he asked, running his fingers up and down precisely across your clit. “Or like this?” he added, moving his fingers now into a circling motion. The movement sent a quick chill down your spine.

“Like that, like that,” you huffed, reaching down to stabilize his wrist where it was. Your hips reflexively bucked up into him, only adding to the pleasure you felt.

Chan smiled, loving what he knew he was doing to you. The way your body arched for him as he went the tiniest bit faster.

“Hands off, princess. It’s just me taking care of you tonight,” he teased, moving your hand away while still rubbing you in just the right way.

Suddenly, you heard the door burst open, hearing footsteps until a disheveled-looking Felix appeared.

“What the fuck, bro?” Chan yelled, jerking your dress down a bit so that it was covering you but leaving his fingers in place all the same. “What are you doing here?!”

“You told me I could come over,” Felix whined, obviously still drunk off his ass. He took a couple more steps forward until he realized. “Wha- what are you doing?!” he asked, as if he’d just walked onto the scene of a crime.

“What does it look like we’re doing?” Chan yelled, obviously annoyed now. “Go to my room and play a game or something, or just leave and come back later.” With his last sentence, Chan became a bit more comfortable, secretly moving his fingers again as he spoke. The mixture of his voice, his touch, and the scene around you, it was all too good. You bit down on your lip to stifle the moans that were begging to be let out. You couldn’t stop yourself from grinding down a bit on Chan, forcing his eyes to dart back down to you instead of Felix.

“Channie-hyung, you knew I liked her first!” Felix complained, throwing his hands out, obviously still talking out of his ass. “It’s not fucking fair.”

“Fair?!” Chan yelled, getting even more heated. His hand still didn’t let up on your clit, instead working faster now. He was quickly gonna bring you to the edge, and you knew it. “She CHOSE me. Now get out of here and stop ruining her fucking birthday!”

“Y/n, tell him! Tell him you want me to stay. You want me too, I know you do!” Felix begged, walking closer to the scene. From here, he could tell that Chan still had you going. Your face was contorted in all kinds of shapes and slow, steady breaths were all that were keeping you sane. He was sure it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

“Holy shit,” Felix breathed out, savoring the sight of you. “Fuck,” he tipped his head back, not being able to stand it anymore, his senses coming to him.

“Lix can get in,” you tried to get out Chan, though it sounded more like a whisper.

Chan’s eyes looked at you daringly, picking up the pace on your clit as if he was waiting for you to change your mind. Challenging you.

“Fuck Channie,” you moaned, arching your back and reaching for his wrist yet again. Another second of this and you were going to explode.

You yanked on his wrist, moving his hand back for a second to allow yourself to get a few breaths in. You waited until your heart began to slow before proceeding as Felix brought his eyes back down to you.

“Christopher,” you said softly, leaning up towards him to reach his lips. You planted a small kiss onto the side of his mouth as you took your hands to cup his face, holding it there for you. “Please baby,” you kissed him again. “Let Lixie in this time. For my birthday.”

You looked into his eyes deeply, slowly nodding so that hopefully he would join you and give in.

He granted your wish, nodding back and taking your hand in his to plant a kiss to it.

“Fine...” Chan said, turning his head around to find Felix. “But you’re not allowed to fuck her. That’s all me.”

Felix smiled, not needing to hear another word.

Chan rose to his feet with his hand still holding yours. “Stand up, princess,” he instructed, helping you get to your feet.

As soon as you stabilized, he hiked your dress back up, helping move you back onto the couch, now on your knees with your back arched ever so slightly.

You heard his belt unzip behind you as he shimmied his pants down and released his cock, which was already bulging and hard.

Spitting into his hand, he stroked himself a few times before lining up behind you and letting himself rub around your slit and across your clit a few times.

Felix, starting to catch on, walked himself around to the other end of the couch. As Chan got ready behind you, Felix slipped himself down so that he was lying flat on his back, inching his body up until his face rested right underneath your core.

You almost jumped at the feeling of Chan entering you slowly, feeling how big he was- much bigger than you could have imagined. He filled you up until you were completely full, not understanding until that moment how much you’d needed this. You let out a deep sigh as he bottomed out, hearing his moan from behind at how tight you were around him.

Slowly he inched out and back in until he felt comfortable enough to go harder, gripping tightly around your waist so he didn’t knock you away.

“Fuckkk,” you let out, reveling in how good he felt inside of you. Each new thrust sent a new wave of pleasure upwards. You didn’t know how any of this could get better.

Felix, too turned on by the noises overhead, brought his mouth to your pussy, just to where he was watching Chan now pound into you. He licked a few long stripes around your entrance, letting his tongue hit you, but also accidentally running slightly along Chan’s shaft as he railed into you. Felix rested his tongue here for a moment, letting it hit back and forth between you and Chan. The moans escaping your mouth were unreal. You just couldn’t help yourself. Felix’s hot breath on you only made it that much better.

“Ahh fuck,” you heard Chan curse under his breath, feeling the new stimulation from Felix’s mouth as he began alternating between licking and sucking at the area. Chan would never have admitted it, but fuck did it feel better than anything he’d ever experienced.

In unison, the three of you became a wild, moaning mess, each of you going harder and harder. Chan pounded into you as quickly as he could, beginning to hit the most perfect spot as you threw your hips back into him. He was so deep- so fucking deep that you almost couldn’t stand it. You could feel it hitting something inside you, radiating back with the most delicious feeling you’d ever experienced.

Felix’s mouth did wonders around you, having you wetter than you’d even thought possible. As his tongue moved to your throbbing clit, you audibly screamed. Your head began to spin as he swirled around you, giving you just the right pace and the right pressure.

“Oh Lixie,” you breathed out, almost in tears of how good he was doing for you.

“Mmm,” he moaned with a tiny smile, using his mouth to suck on you now, just as sweetly as before, making sure the flat of his tongue was winding you up to where you needed to be.

That’s when you felt it. The warmth growing in your stomach was starting to burn. Fast and hard. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you said, arching your body backward. “I’m gonna cum,” you repeated, closing your eyes tight as your mouth dropped open, feeling everything pent up ready to release.

Chan quickly brought his hand to your neck to hold you upright, fucking into you just right. His hips snapped up as you felt the heat of his mouth move up next to your ear.

“You’re gonna cum with me right now, pretty girl. Gonna cum together. I’m gonna fill you up right now...” His voice sped up, yelling urgently. “Cum with me right fucking now. Right fucking now,” he growled, groaning out as he fucked into you with a few final strokes.

Felix continued lapping at your clit until you couldn’t stand it. Suddenly, you snapped. Your thighs shut together around Felix’s face as you began convulsing nonstop around them both. You screamed, your arms reaching up to claw at Chan who was still fucking into you with everything he had.

Felix wouldn’t let up either, causing you to go intot he biggest overstimmulated panic you’d ever have.

You continued to thrash and to yell and to scream until tears were streaming down, unable to move or do anything anymore. You were completely spent. Completely used. And fuck did it feel amazing.

Satisfied and exhausted, Chan finally pulled out of you, cum following the direction. A bit of the cum landed right on Felix’s face, forcing him to let off of you and pull back.

“Damn,” you said, body still shaking as you took deep breaths, trying to process what had just happened.

You quickly rolled yourself back until you were able to stand again, pulling your dress down to cover you.

You brought your hands up to cover your face before laughing a bit, wondering how in the fuck this was real life and not just your imagination.

Felix dabbed at his face as he hoisten himself up back to sitting and Chan pulled his pants on. You all stood for a few moments, unable to say a single word.

“Well,” Chan finally got out, cocking a brow and trying to put everything together. He shook his head in disbelief as he fiddled with his fingers. “This was fun… but Felix…” he looked in his direction. “Never again,” he laughed, pitching his voice up at the end.

Felix nodded, holding in a laugh himself. “Yupppp,” he said awkwardly.

“And y/n,” Chan continued, looking over at you, “never again… with Felix.” He cleared his throat before going on to clarify. “With me, yes. With Felix, no.”

Felix flew his hands up, finally letting out a laugh. “Alright fine, I’m just going home,” he put on a fake pity voice before standing and walking to the front door.

You giggled in response, rolling your eyes. As you heard the door close behind Felix, you continued on.

“Ya know,” you said, looking into Chan’s eyes with a teasing smile, “you don’t get to tell the ‘birthday princess’ what to do?” you mocked his little nickname for you.

He moved in closer, placing his hands on your waist as he pulled you directly in front of him. “Technicallyyyy, you’re not the birthday princess anymore,” he smirked, nodding his head in the direction of the overhead clock hanging from the wall. “But, you can still be my princess. And my queen. And my everything else too. If you want,” he smiled.

[hgfictionwriter]

Maybe This Time - Part Three

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Jessie and you finally get some 1:1 time together (thanks Janine!). You work to build new memories together, but hurt from the past needs to be addressed.

Warnings: None. Temporary, very light angst, but mostly sweet fluff.

A/N: Part two and one. Part Four will likely be the finale.

"What do you think? Should I go for it?" 

Jessie smirked as she saw the screenshot you sent her of her jersey in the Thorns' site shopping cart. 

"I don't know. I thought you said that was too big a commitment." 

"I did. But I was rather impressed at the last game. And we went for drinks after, I finally got to meet Janine – so you know, points for that. And if I think about it, I'm like an OG fan. But if you think I should get a different jersey..." 

Jessie laughed under her breath, her smirk now a full blown smile as she read your message while she ate lunch. The conversation she'd been on the periphery of carried on as she ate another bite before typing out a reply. 

"Oh yeah? Post-game drinks were a hit, huh? And you know, my stats are only getting better with each game 😉 And let's be honest, I'd be pretty offended if you got someone else's jersey. Except Sinc's. Because, you know, GOAT." 

"Oh, well, say no more. You had me at 'stats' lol. Done. I'll pick it up before next game." 

"Lol I figured. My plan all along – I know how much you love stats." 

"You know me so well. I have to say, I'm kind of tempted to modify the jersey. Add some sort of patch or stitching, 'Yay sports!'" 

Jessie laughed out loud, less discrete than before.  

"Don't you dare lol. I've taught you better than that. But hey, if you ask nicely, I could actually sign it for you 😎" 

"I'm sure I have an old group paper kicking around with your signature on it. I need to be able to wash this thing lol. What else can you offer though?" 

Jessie swallowed her food hard, the bite getting caught temporarily in her throat with a wince. Okay, no signature – how humbling. However, there was an opening. 

She stared at her phone temporarily before a loud clearing of someone's throat caught her attention. She lifted her gaze with a curious frown on her face to see Janine staring expectantly at her. Jessie instinctively tilted the phone inwards towards her body. 

"I don't even have to spy to know who you're texting," the blonde said rather self-satisfied. Jessie looked around, heat building in her face already as she hoped Janine was the only one focused on her.  

"Yeah?" Jessie retorted, attempting to appear as unfazed as possible. "You should be pleased. You keep pushing me to text her." She cracked a smirk. "Now that you don't think she's the devil incarnate for 'stringing me along' in university." 

"Oh I don't think you need to be pushed," Janine teased with a wicked grin. "And I never said she was the devil incarnate." She lifted a hand to her chest in exaggeration. "I merely questioned things. But you're right," she relented, "she's quite lovely. And she gives you butterflies, and she makes you blush - more than usual - and you try to act all nonchalant and it's just too adorable for words." 

"Uh huh," Jessie muttered with a flat look. Janine leaned in excitedly. 

"And I have to say, I got the sense that she and I could riff off of each other and just tease the heck out of you, so that really sealed the deal for me." 

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, that's exactly what I need in my life." She'd never admit that it actually excited her that her best friend and you could get along so well. If – and it was a huge 'if' - anything evolved between you two, it was key that you got along with her friends and family.  

She started thinking about how well you got on with her parents and sister – you'd met before during your days at UCLA and they loved you. She also remembered how disappointed they'd seemed when she eventually told them that you two didn't speak anymore.  

"Well, since you're so invested," Jessie went on, rolling her eyes facetiously once more as she opened her phone again and turned it to Janine, "what should I say?" 

Janine squinted as she leaned in to read and it only took a moment for her expression to light up. Before Janine could say anything, Jessie snatched the phone back and placed it on her lap with a frown.  

"I don't want to hear it," she pre-empted the girl. 

"What?" Janine said innocently with a mischievous glint in her eye. "I am totally supportive of the flirtation between you two." She ignored Jessie's look of complaint and cut off her protest. "Her shutting down your autograph is pretty hilarious, by the way," she said with a marginally apologetic look. "Not smooth on your part – you know she's not impressed by your elite football skills. Don't lean on your Jessie the Footballer identity." 

"I wasn't," Jessie nearly hissed, trying to keep her voice down and avoid drawing attention. "I was joking. Half joking." 

"You were flirting, or at least attempting to. She left you an opening here though. So, you should ask her out." 

"I'm not asking her out," Jessie pouted, her shoulders rounding as she scooched closer to the table. She huffed upon seeing the scrutinizing look her friend gave her. "We're still getting to know each other again." 

"Fine. Don't define it as a date, then," Janine dismissed with a wave. She leaned in, folding her arms on the table. "Ask her to go for dinner." 

"Basic," Jessie remarked as she sat up and crossed her arms in disapproval. She frowned. "Plus that's too date-like." 

"Fine," Janine said curtly. "How about a hike?" 

Jessie hummed and hawed, unconvinced. "Maybe someday. Doesn't seem right at this point though." Janine rolled her eyes in exasperation.  

"Well, what did you two used to do back at UCLA?" 

Jessie shrugged. She saw the frustration Janine was telegraphing at how unhelpful she was being and jumped in. "We went to drop-in art classes sometimes." 

Janine held a hand up to the sky. "Thank you. Finally – something I can work with. Okay! Let's find a drop-in class for you two to go to then." She pulled out her phone and started browsing before shooting a look at Jessie as an aside. "Oh, and dinner's too date-llke, but an art class isn't? Okay." 

Jessie grunted and pulled out her phone as well to look.  

"Here," Jessie announced after a couple of minutes. "This'll work. She enjoyed painting." 

Without further consultation, Jessie began to type out a message to you. She bit back a laugh at how Janine's head was bobbing around periodically trying to peek at the message from across the table.  

"Don't send it yet! I want to see it," Janine pouted.  

"You are not writing my messages for me," Jessie told her pointedly, but gave a heavy sigh as she turned her phone for the blonde to see. An affronted look crossed Jessie face as Janine let out a guffaw and snatched the phone out of her hand.  

"No," Janine simply said with a wag of her finger before she started typing. Jessie reached out for the phone, but Janine turned her body away. Jessie clamored more, but stopped as soon as she noted some of their teammates glancing their way. She shrunk back into her seat, a hand rubbing the side of her face as she spoke in a harsh whisper.   "What are you doing." 

"Jeff. Relax. I would never lead you astray," Janine assured her. "And this is so very satisfying for me since I never got to help you with any of this during uni. Cause let me tell you, if I had been involved, you two definitely would've been living happily ever after." 

Jessie breathed in exasperation. "Please. Give me my phone back." 

"Okay, okay. Here," Janine said, all humour from her tone gone as she now offered Jessie a sincere smile. "Read it over, but I think this is good." 

Jessie gave her a lingering stare as she took back her phone and let out another withering sigh before reading.  

"Funny you should ask. I was thinking about how much I missed art classes together. How about I take you to one of the drop-in painting classes across town when I'm back from Houston?"  

Jessie lifted her gaze to meet Janine's and she studied the blonde for a few moments before relenting with an inaudible sigh. It was better than her original "I don't know. Paint class?" reply. She hit send and released another heavy breath as she tucked the phone away once more.  

"You're welcome," Janine said with a saccharine smile. Jessie gave her a fake smile in return, pulling a laugh out of the girl. "Hey, let's remember which one of us is engaged and which one of us is perpetually single." 

"Ouch," Jessie said with a light laugh.  

"I'm just teasing," Janine went on. "I genuinely hope this turns into something for you. Considering you've only come back into each other's lives, what, like a couple months ago? You two seem pretty solid already. And you seem happier." 

Jessie wanted to give a dry retort of some kind, but Janine was right. You two talked every day now and the chemistry you had in university was still very much present. And the depth you once had in your friendship was something that was quite easily and naturally being broached again. Even if you'd both grown and changed, the cores of who you were still aligned well and fit together. Too well. 

She'd more or less dismissed the spark of emotions that came up during your initial interactions as some sort of emotional muscle memory, but the feelings were proving to not be fleeting or diminishing.  

If anything, her feelings for you were growing. And this time they felt different, too. Heavier, deeper in some way. She was a more realized person now, as were you, and it made the connection between you more substantial. Less juvenile.  

Her phone buzzed. She opened her lock screen.  

"That sounds like a lot of fun! Let's do it." 

————

By the time your paint date night came around, Jessie was nearly buzzing with anticipation. It wasn’t an official date, of course, but she hadn’t seen you since that night after the game, and truthfully, it felt like it had been too long.

She was early - as usual - but as she rounded the corner to the building, she bit back a smile upon seeing you waiting. You were always early too, which she appreciated.

“Hey.” Jessie greeted as she approached. Again, she had to tamp her smile when you beamed back at her.

“Hey, good to see you,” you said as you stepped in for a hug, which Jessie reciprocated. “I love your shirt,” you continued when you stepped back.

“Oh,” Jessie said with a slight frown and a mild laugh as she looked down at herself in question. “Thanks,�� she said as she gave a shrug and fought off a blush. She looked you up and down, not entirely discretely. “I like your outfit.”

You rolled your eyes affectionately and gave her a look. “You don’t need to reciprocate my compliment. But thank you.”

“I legitimately like your outfit,” Jessie retorted, her pitch rising and pulling a laugh out of you as you both walked towards the building. Jessie took a few quick steps and grabbed the door, holding it open. “After you.”

“Such service. Thank you,” you said, both teasing and appreciative. Jessie didn’t wink, but she did give a teasing lift of her eyebrows as you passed.

As the instructor gave their directions for the lesson, Jessie found herself distracted, glancing at you out of the corner of her eye. The whole lesson carried on like that, really. Jessie had to make a point to not fall behind as she’d uncharacteristically lose concentration. The worst, well, best, moments being when she'd lean over feigning critical assessment of your work when really she just wanted to be close.

By the end, she was decently satisfied with the forest landscape she’d painted. However, she felt it paled in comparison to the ocean sunset you’d crafted.

“I love your colours. And the little cabin you added is great,” you told her as you were both leaving, canvases in hand.

“Well good,” she said as she got to a clearing on the sidewalk and stopped to turn to you. “Consider it my gift to you,” she went on as she held it out to you.

“Jessie,” you said sweetly with a smile as you took it and looked it over more thoroughly. “That’s really sweet. Thank you. It’s beautiful. And bonus - I get my Jessie Fleming signature, but on a far rarer painting as opposed to a jersey,” you laughed. “And what a coincidence. I painted this for you.”

Jessie looked at you for a moment before a smile broke out across her face as she belatedly took the painting you held out.

“Thank you,” she said softly as she studied the image. She frowned in realization as she lifted her eyes to you. “Is this the same beach from our photo?”

You nodded. “It is. Nice eye.”

“Who knew you were so sentimental?” Jessie teased.

“Apparently not you,” you replied with a roll of your eyes, but gave a small laugh. “Come on. It’s been a while, but you know me better than that.”

Jessie was quiet for a moment as she took you in. She eventually nodded. “I know.”

A small lull fell over you both before you asked. “So, what now? Do you have to leave?”

“No.” Jessie spoke quickly with a shake of her head. “I don’t have anywhere to be. How about you?”

You shook your head in return. “Same. Well, it’s beautiful out tonight. Want to just go for a walk? We can drop these off at my car first,” you proposed as you held up the painting.

“Sure. Sounds great.”

After a short detour, you both began your stroll along the quiet, tree-lined street.

“Thanks for suggesting that class,” you said. “I don’t really get to paint or pursue creative hobbies as much anymore. It was nice to make a point of it. I can’t imagine you have much of an opportunity to focus on things like that anymore, hm?”

Jessie sighed quietly in contemplation and gave a shrug.

“Not extensively, no. But we do lots of team building, so sometimes we’ll do artsy things. And I can do hobbies and such in my down time, whether during the week or between seasons.”

She looked over to see you giving her a soft smile.

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing really. Just kind of crazy how everything turned out. You’ve achieved so much and your life is so impressive.”

Jessie was about to interject with a compliment for you, but you carried on.

“Are you happy with how things turned out?” You asked with a slight cock of your head.

“I-um, yeah.” Jessie stammered slightly, caught off guard by your question. “I mean, yeah it’s been incredible. More amazing than I could’ve ever pictured. And I know I’m very lucky.”

“You’re not lucky, Jess. You’ve worked exceptionally hard.”

She huffed lightly. “Yes, but luck is involved too. Lots of people work hard and still don’t get half the opportunities I’ve had.”

“I suppose,” you relented. “But you’ve made the most of those opportunities and haven’t taken them for granted.”

“That’s true. But look at you. You’ve worked so hard. And I know what you’ve been up against, but you’ve risen above and built a great life for yourself,” Jessie emphasized.

“Thank you,” you accepted with a half smile. Jessie knew the ins and outs of your family dynamics - something few people truly knew. You smiled more fully at her. “And look at us now. We both left LA and then found ourselves in the same city again and got to reconnect,” you finished with a laugh. "It sounds strange, but it really feels like in some ways like no time has passed. Not really, anyway. Like you and I were able to pick up where we left off."

You let out a quick sigh, giving a deep shrug as you did so. Your eyes remained trained on the ground as you two walked. "I mean, we talked the other week about my family and it just felt so different. Like, I've told recent friends or girlfriends my history and everything, and they listen and they 'get it', but it's not the same. That conversation with you – via text, no less – had more depth and weight than any comparable conversation with my exes or current friends. You were there. You know it – and me, I guess - inside and out. And even if I retell things, it's just not the same." 

Jessie nodded, watching you. It did feel like yesterday when she was sitting next to you on your bed, sobs wracking your body after one confrontation too many with your family. Normally, Jessie was so analytical and tentative about her physical contact with you, but the second you started crying she put her arms around you without hesitation and you leaned in, resting your head on your shoulder as she held you. That was the first time, but it wasn't the last.  

Looking back on it, maybe your girlfriends did have good reason to dislike her. 

"I know what you mean," she told you. "It's different. I mean, it's the same with you in a lot of ways. You were there for me during some critical points – big decisions in my life and you understood who I was and who I wanted to be." 

You smiled at her fondly. You looked ready to say something and Jessie waited. A moment passed and you exhaled, saying, "It really meant a lot – having you in my life and the support you gave me back then. I hope you know that." 

"I know," Jessie accepted with a smile of her own. "And likewise." 

Her mind drifted. She should probably just leave things be, but not speaking her mind is what held her back all those years before. She needed to share her thoughts and feelings if things were going to be different this time. She took a breath.  

"You know, I was really shocked when we saw each other here." She paused briefly. "I don't know. We hadn't talked in so long. I think I'd relegated myself to assuming we'd never see each other or ever talk again. Despite how important we were to one another at some point." 

Her statement seemed to give you pause, the mild surprise evident on your face. You eventually glanced down at the street as you two continued to walk. 

"Yeah. That's true, I guess," you conceded, your voice soft. 

Jessie studied you, unsatisfied with the response you gave. She pushed.  

"I knew we wouldn't be able to stay as close as we were. That was inevitable with us living so far away from one another, but I don't think I expected contact to fall apart as quickly as it did." You didn't reply right away and she went on with an ironic laugh. "We went from talking all day every day, to a few times a week with a video call scattered in there, to the odd message every couple of weeks, then just texts on birthdays and at Christmas, to nothing at all." 

She wasn't sure what she was anticipating, but she didn't expect you to turn to her with a perplexed frown.  

"Yeah. It did taper off pretty quickly."  

Despite the time that'd passed, Jessie still knew when you were telling half-truths. She gave a bit of an empty chuckle. "What else are you thinking?" 

You returned her laugh with a mild look. "I don’t know. I'm just kind of confused, I suppose." Jessie frowned.  

"About what?" She questioned. Faint alarm bells went off in her head when you stopped walking. She stilled her movements as well and you turned to one another on the sidewalk.  

You took a moment to gather your thoughts. You spoke with a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. 

"I know it was me who stopped replying right away to messages – I don't deny that – but you weren't exactly giving me a lot to work with." You took a breath, dropping your shoulders before you spoke further. "Honestly? It was kind of feeling one-sided. Yeah, you replied, but a lot of your replies were brief and noncommittal. And when I asked if everything was okay you just told me you were busy. Which," you let out a slightly rueful laugh, "is absolutely fair. You were building this brand new, big life. Which is exactly what you were supposed to do. I don't begrudge you at all. I don’t know." You shrugged and averted your gaze momentarily. "I guess things just started to feel off." 

Jessie exhaled quietly as she processed your reply. What you were saying wasn't false. It had been so long it was easy for Jessie to just recall the end result – that you'd stopped replying altogether. That you'd given up on her; on the connection you'd both built for years. 

Standing here now though, if she was honest with herself, it was true that Jessie grew distant in her messages - purposefully so - knowing it would drive you away. What was she supposed to do? You two were never going to be together. And being friends was so incredibly hard sometimes because it was never just friendship for her. There was always this bittersweet feeling to everything and now that you were on completely different paths, there was an inevitable conclusion. Yet, she struggled to cut herself off cold. So instead, she took the coward's way out.  

Jessie scratched the back of her head. "I was busy," she repeated. She contemplated doubling down, but thought better of it. "And I guess I was finding it hard. We were building two very different lives." 

There was so much more she wanted to say, but she couldn't. What would be the point? Her chest panged when you gave her a sad smile.  

"I know," you accepted with a sadness in your eyes. "And I really wanted that for you. I just - it was hard to not feel like a nuisance. Like some obligation. So I just stopped writing."

Jessie's frown deepened. She knew all those years ago that she had to be hurting you, but she could lie to herself about it and focus selfishly on herself. Seeing you talk about it in front of her wasn't something she'd anticipated.

"I didn't mean for that," Jessie said. "And I never stopped caring about you," she compromised. 

"Yeah. I never stopped caring about you, either," you reciprocated in a subdued manner. Despite her role in everything, Jessie was still harbouring hurt from all those years prior and she felt compelled to push on. Sure, she'd pushed you away, but you'd let her. She erased you from her life little by little, day by day and you allowed it.

"Funny how quickly things change sometimes," Jessie went on. She didn't mean to scoff, but she did. "You didn't even tell me when you and [y/ex] broke up. You didn't even tell me you were having problems."  

In years past, Jessie was your sounding board for all your girl troubles. She remembered it well – it was painful. Having to hear you either swoon or – more often – complain about your girlfriends. Hearing how they disappointed or frustrated you when Jessie knew she could love you better. Just thinking back to it stoked a fire in Jessie's chest again. While she had genuinely loved you and cared about your well-being, she'd vowed to never get stuck in that dynamic again.  

You cracked a smirk. "It just seemed frivolous to bother you with something like that at that point." 

Another pang in Jessie's chest. "Well," she kicked idly at the concrete beneath her, "I would've been there for you if you ever needed me. I hope you knew that." 

You sighed and gave a hollow laugh as you pushed your hair back, causing Jessie to get momentarily distracted by the way the rays from the street light hit your face.  

"I know," you said quietly before meeting her gaze. "And I hope you knew the same about me. I know you're surrounded by people who love you, but," you shrugged listlessly, "I'd be there for you, too." 

Before Jessie could respond you gave her another smirk. 

"Besides. Though you never said anything explicit, I know you didn't like her. And by the end I could see why, too. No point wasting any of our limited conversation talking about her." 

Jessie bit back a smirk, but knew her eyes betrayed her. "Well, I guess that's poetic. Your girlfriends never liked me and I never liked them." 

Despite the mounting tension in your conversation, you laughed and gave her a nod. Jessie didn't return your laugh though. She gave you a solemn look. 

"You always deserved better than them. I know some of them were just fine, some of them even good, but they didn't seem earnest enough and they didn't love you enough." 

You were taken aback by her sudden proclamation. You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words.  

Jessie never understood how they didn't worship the ground you walked on. She practically did, even if she didn't show it. While those girls showed they cared through superficial acts like a generic bouquet of flowers, Jessie listened. In many ways. It was obvious to Jessie that they didn't really get you – not the way she did. And if they were so in tune with you, then why was it her you came to when things were hard or you were scared or even hopeful. If she'd been your girlfriend, she would've given you everything you needed and more. They clearly didn't. 

You eventually gave a soft huff and offered Jessie a quiet smile. 

"You've always been very observant. And very thoughtful. I get it now. There's a reason I'm single now. I don't want to settle anymore," you told her. 

Jessie was quiet before giving a nod of acceptance.  

"I'm glad to hear that." 

You both started walking again, though neither of you spoke right away. There was still a heaviness in the air, but it felt different now; hopeful.  

"I'm sorry for how things ended," you said as she glanced over at Jessie as you two strolled through the quiet street. "You've always been really important to me – regardless of whether we were in contact or not. I don't want to say that I wish things had been different, because I really don't see the point in regretting anything, but I will say I'm very grateful that we've had this chance to reconnect and rebuild." You paused. "I've really missed you. I didn't realize how much." 

"I'm really sorry, too," Jessie said, a smile spreading across her face. "And I agree – we can't change the past, but I also appreciate the chance to be friends again. I've missed you, too." 

She swallowed as she contemplated whether to add more. The lull that naturally formed told her to forge ahead.

"And you were never a nuisance or an obligation. I'm really sorry it came across that way."

"Awww, Jessie," you said in a teasing voice, lifting your conversation up again. You paused your steps and Jessie stopped and turned to you in question. "Come on," you beckoned as you waved her over and brought out your phone. "We need a new photo together." 

Jessie didn't fight it. Instead, she smiled at you and walked over to stand next to you. You leaned into her and Jessie found her hand naturally gravitated to your waist. It rest there before Jessie could even realize it, but before she could fret, you looked back at her with a smile before facing forward again. 

You took the photo and immediately opened up your messages with Jessie to send it to her. Jessie belatedly realized her hand was still on you and she pulled it back, holding her hands behind her. 

"There," you announced. "Now we can start rebuilding our collection. Portland memories – not just UCLA anymore." 

Jessie laughed and held up her phone, pointing the camera at you. 

"No, come on," you whined immediately and she laughed further.  

"Hey, this is part of the deal," she countered. You huffed, but eventually smiled for her. "Just remember. This goes both ways. I get new photos of you, too." 

She found herself giving you a wink. "I'll allow it."  

[mschievousx]

now and then | b.b.

pairing: benedict bridgerton x ofc, anthony bridgerton x ofc (platonic)

summary: loraine silva always knew she was not normal. she loves unusual things. she love her father's guns, horses, boxing, climbing a tree, falling from a tree, engineering, astronomy... oh, and a man eleven years older.

series masterlist

prologue

she stirred awake with a grumble, as she does most days—which is immediately replaced with a grin after ten minutes of simply opening her eyes and staring at the ceiling. another day, another number of various things she can do. and so, she wasted no time to freshen herself up.

as she stepped out on the streets of grosvenor square, her immediate touch brought radiance to the place. no, she was not a smiling fool nor was she greeting everyone. it was not that type of radiance. she hated that. yet, one can argue the opposite when she finally arrived at the bridgerton's house.

"'tis a fine day, is it not?"

"raine!"

the girl jumped up, her book forgotten as she put it on the couch and hugged the girl who's standing with open arms under the arch to their drawing room.

"oh, how i have missed you, eloise!"

"why do you both act like you were not together the entirety of yesterday?" colin voiced out as he read the newspaper, not bothering with any greetings. they have all long passed that. eloise sent a glare to her brother just as their mother arrived.

"loraine, darling!" she took the young lady's cheeks in delight, "how are you and your father?"

she smiled warmly at that. violet took it to herself to act as her mother-figure, given that their families were closely tied, "never been better, lady bridgerton."

the older woman gave her a look at the use of her title before leading her to a couch near the fireplace.

"are you well-prepared for tomorrow's start of the season?"

━━━ ✦ ❘ ☽ 【❖】 ☾ ❘ ✦ ━━━

"are you well-prepared for tomorrow's start of the season?

violet smiled as she asked her second-eldest daughter. eloise is well-prepared, she knew, in terms of physical and material aspects. internally, however, her daughter was having a fit, both of nervousness and fury.

"mama, i am very much prepared, but you should know that i am calling for all miracles right now so that i cannot attend tomorrow."

raine laughed, saying it's a good thing she's much prepared at the very least. her friend turned to her with a look of betrayal.

"you will be this next year, and i thought we're gonna be spinsters together!"

"no, that was penelope." she said as she stood up and dusted her dress, "when my season comes, i would very much like to marry, especially to that man dabbling on his pad."

she gestured with a head tilt to the man sitting near colin. they all need not turn to know who she was referring to as eloise rolled her eyes. raine chuckled at her reaction before another voice graced the room. well, not exactly grace.

"ugh, it's too early to deal with you."

violet turned to her eldest and immediately closed her eyes with a sigh before giving him a pointed look.

"anthony, it's already nine, and don't be rude."

the young lady turned to the source of the voice and grinned in an instant, clasping both her hands together in chest level sweetly, "i have missed you so much, anthony!"

"i don't share the sentiment." he replied with nonchalance as he took a biscuit and sat by his younger brothers.

"anthony will be marrying this season."

she paused for a moment, as if processing, before she broke out with laughter as she heard the words marry and anthony in the same sentence, but noticing the silence around her, she turned back to violet, "no... seriously?"

"why does it come as a surprise to everyone?" the man in question grumbled. raine finds herself nearing the eldest.

"but why the sudden change?"

anthony sighed as he swallowed the biscuit on his hand, "it probably has not come to your little mind that this family needs a viscountess. a viscountess is a lady that—"

"shush," he's lucky that's the only thing he got from her, given that she is to become a viscountess herself next year and he was mansplaining. she looked up in glee and clasped her hands again with true joy this time, "oh, i'm going to have so much fun this season!"

violet thinks that anthony and raine is a great pair and she would have been pushing for it already, had raine not been in love with benedict.

━━━ ✦ ❘ ☽ 【❖】 ☾ ❘ ✦ ━━━

"as much as i love you, lady bridgerton, i do not want to talk about anything with relation to my societal season and marriages."

kate and anthony entered the room, just in time for the debutante's antics. the matriarch sighed at the apparent lack of interest from the girl, while the latter broke into the widest grin.

"i would, however, welcome the conversation if i'm paired with benedict."

she turned to her other side where lies the subject, both of the topic and her affections, "speaking of which, will you marry me now, ben?"

the second-eldest son did not open his eyes from the sleepless nap he was having as a boyish smile made its way to his lips, "not a chance."

"ah, what a shame." she smiled at the sight of him before turning back to his mother with a clap, "well, there's always tomorrow."

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Date Expectations 6: Charviathan vs Vaggie - When All You Wanted to Do Was Dance

Charviathan

-Walking down the street in a more busy and "entertainment" district of the Pentagram-

Charlie: (clinging to Seviathan's arm) Sev, I thought you said we were going dancing....

Seviathan: (arm wrapped around Charlie's hip starts to dip down to the curve of her rear) Relax, sugar plum. We're going to the best dance club in Pride.

Charlie: (shivers and grabs Seviathan's hand, putting it back above her hip) You know I don't like it when you touch me like that in public, Sev, and you promised we'd go to that new Cantina over in the-

Seviathan: C'mon, Char, live a little! (ushers Charlie passed the bouncer and brings her inside where he nearly drags her onto the dancefloor where everyone is bumping and grinding like overly-sex crazed animals)

Charlie: (squeaks as she gets pulled in so she's flush against Seviathan, his hands immediately grab her ass as he grinds on her) SEV!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Seviathan: What? I'm just keeping you close so the other dancers don't make any moves on ya, sugar plumb~

Charlie: (rolls her eyes with a sigh as she sways with the beat of the song with about as much enthusiasm as a drowned worm)

Chaggie

-Sitting at a Pride Cantina on the upper point of the Pentagram-

Charlie: (dancing in her seat as an easy, upbeat song plays) Oh, my gosh! I love this song!

Vaggie: (staring at Charlie with lovestruck eyes, perks up at the prospect of dancing, and runs her fingers through her fringe) Do... Do you want to dance?

Charlie: (eyes sparkling as she practically throws herself across the table) DO I EVER!!!

Charlie: (face falls and she sits back down bashfully) I-I mean, yes. I would love to dance.

Vaggie: (chuckles and stands up from her seat, offering her hand out for Charlie to take) Well, then, may I have this dance, señorita?

Charlie: (smiles and giggles as she places her hand in Vaggie's, but flinches at the last second as she remembers her time dancing with Seviathan at the club)

Vaggie: (raises an eyebrow) Charlie? You okay? (thinks for a minute and bonks her forehead with her other fist) Ah! ¡Mierda! ¡Soy tan estúpida!

Charlie: (blinks) Ex-cuse you?

Vaggie: (blushes) I completely forgot to ask. Where is it okay to put my hands?

Charlie: ......I....don't follow....

Vaggie: (gently eases Charlie to her feet) You know. Do you want me to lead? Is it okay if I put my hand on your waist? Would you rather I keep the touching to your shoulder and upper arm or hands? I should have asked where it was okay sooner. (holds her hands up, palms out) Here, you can lead where it's okay.

Charlie: (blushes from ear to ear and hair to chin, her heart flutters in her chest, and her whole body feels warm and floating as she smiles softly) I-I'm okay with hands, shoulders, and waist.

Charlie: (takes Vaggie's hands and places one on her shoulder and the other firmly on her hip) Like this. This is fine. Thank you for asking~

Vaggie: (blushes as she looks at her hand seated on Charlie's hip and clears her throat) Right! Right. Well, we don't need to walk like this over to the dance floor.

Charlie: Oh.... (pouts)

Vaggie: (ears perk to the next song playing and smirks) But I don't see why we couldn't dance there~ (jumps up on the nearest empty chair and twirls Charlie and dips her slightly without moving her hands from their designated areas)

Charlie: Oh! (laughs and blushes as she lets Vaggie lead her out onto the dance floor)

[barbarianbookhoe]

I swear I'm never gonna find the love I know I right-fucking-fully deserve

I just rewatched Bridgerton season 3 for the 3rd time already, and MY GOD, if a man does not yearn for me like a Bridgerton man😩

Request: Kaz Brekker x drunk (fem) reader (this is a long fcking one)

Too Sweet

TW: fluff, mention of assault

"And then, THEN he said I am just as useful as a rock. A damn rock!," she scoffed as she swayed in her seat. "Rocks can bee useful," she mumbled, "you can throw 'em at people. Like me! I can be thron at people," she hiccuped once before pointing at her glass for the bartender to re-fill.

The guy just shook his head at her and told her to stop shouting at costumers, or find someplace else. Apparently, she's been a lot friendlier than she thought.

She dropped some kruge on the counter, not having enough common sense left to count if it was even enough.

"But his eeeyes while he looked at me, oh Saints, his eyes are so beautifuuul, and sooo blue, they make me swoooon," Y/N told a waitress, who just laughed at the lovesick girl, who's been talking about a boy for the past 10 minutes.

"Oh honey, you have such a soft spot for that boy!" She laughed, and Y/N just nodded. "Yeah, and-and you should see his cheeks and ears, that when he gets flustred, no, flusterred, uh, flus-tered, yes, they turn red but he hides it, and no one sees, but I see it, because he has such a preeeetty face," she tells her on a high pitched voice, and even rests her head on her arms and lets out a sigh.

Y/N talking about her love life being the only thing actually happening in the small bar, the waitress sats down in front of her after getting out a round of drinks. The two women began their discussion about the boy, and the way Y/N cannot stop smiling while talking about him makes the waitress smile herself.

The sound of a cane tapping on the floor makes the lady turn around, only to find the Bastard of the Barrel himself staring right at her. No, not at her, but the girl on the other side of the table. She gets up and with a quick goodbye slips out of her seat, to make her way to the other side of the place.

Kaz Brekker, as if he had all the time in the world, slowly walked over to his Crow, who was supposed to be in the Club with their group hours ago.

He'd only been trailing her for an hour or two, but in that time she already went through 3 bars. Not counting the one, or ones, where he wasn't present. And without paying. Kaz made sure she wouldn't be in debt by the next morning. As he looked at her drunken state, he began questioning his own plan to get her home as soon as possible.

"Jeeesss!" Y/N looked up at him giddily, practically dragging her words out. "Come 'ere you silly," she signaled for him to sit down, to which Kaz just rolled his eyes. She must've drank quite a lot if she thought him to be the sharpshooter. "Why you in black?" She shook her head as if getting rid of her question and looked at him giddily yet again.

Kaz couldn't shake the bittersweet feeling that slowly made its way into his well-guarded heart. The feeling that she looked the happiest in that moment, drowned in alcohol, probably on the edge of alcohol poisoning, and staring at him with such joy Kaz rarely saw anymore on her, even less in his life. It was clear to him that she was going through something, he just didn't know what it was.

If he had any talent for it he would've drawn her right in that moment, to capture her smile, the shine of her eyes, to keep her this happy at least on paper, to keep her smiling.

"Alright, get up. You're going home," Kaz sternly told her to which she just scoffed. "Ah, but Jesper we have so much to talk aboouuuut," she whined as he took a step closer. "This wasn't a question. You. Are. Going. Home."

"Alrigh', alrigh'," Y/N mumbled to herself as she tried to steady herself enough before attempting to walk on her own. After a few seconds of failing to do so, she quickly straightened her back and began her uncoordinated, swaying march for the door. Kaz was just two steps behind her, and when they got out on the street, he took half a step closer as he stepped next to her.

"Am I late for that meeting? Nahh," She mumbled loud enough for Kaz to hear. "It don' matter. What do I do?" She turned her head to Kaz for a split second before loudly continuing. "I'm talking Jespeeerr!" Kaz quickly shushed her, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention to them.

"Don't ssssshhh me, Kaz sssssh-ushes me, not you!" She said and had it not been for Kaz, she would've tripped in her own foot. "I feel like he doesn't like me anymore," she said then, but Kaz just kept quiet, waiting for her to continue. "I want to tell him to shut up for once, to give 'im my opinion," she began gesturing before herself, as if she wasn't even talking to him anymore, more to herself.

"I feel like... punching him, givin' 'im a piece of mind. Yah, let'ss do that!" She quickly turned around, probably to find Kaz who was standing next to her, but Kaz caught her elbow and stood her in front of him. "You won't do that, alright? You're going home to sleep, and if you still feel like it, you'll give him a punch tomorrow."

"But whyyy? He's always up at night, and that'ss when we taaalk. I can't tell 'im during the dayy!" Her words began to slur again and she was swaying, so Kaz took it as a sign, that she was still in fact really drunk. He didn't let go of her elbow as he guided themselves towards her little flat near Fifth Harbor. It was more like one big room rather than a flat, but she didn't spend that much time there to care about it.

"And why can't you? Is there an unkown force keeping you from it?" He told her while he fought the nausea slowly coming up his throat. They'll be there in a few minutes, he reminded himself. "Jess, why are you the one asking? You're always telling me to lissen to my heart, to not overthink, to just say it. You're not Jesper, that's why!" She said more to herself than Kaz.

"Say what?" Kaz turned to Y/N for a few seconds, trying to see her face to determine what she was feeling. He found himself as curious when he was just a small boy, watching the magicians on the streets of Ketterdam. He watched every little detail of her face, from the flatter of her eyelashes to the unnoticeable tremble of her lips, trying to guess what she was going to say.

"Again with the questionss," she mumbled and right after spoke up on a sad tone, her vice slightly trembling, almost as if she was holding back from crying. "You sound like my landlord. Saints, I hate 'im. He's always angry a-and yelling, and soooo tall, taller than Matthias," she said and Kaz noticed the barely noticeable crack in her voice, making him worry about what more she had to say.

"I mean, I fought 'im twice yesterday, you know, 'cause he was demanding the rent I already payed, givin' me a great punch to my ribs, but like, you know, I'm a fighter, I can take 'im any day, but I mean, he's sooo tall and, and I was tired, so you know I didn't have too much "fight" in me." Y/N rambled, probably unaware of admitting that she was assaulted and making it seem less serious than it was, but still, it made Kaz's vision fog up with red.

How did he not know? How could he let this happen under his watch? Why didn't he felt the need to investigate her place, like he first intended to?

She was still rambling about her landlord and their multiple fights, yes, multiple Kaz realized, getting angrier by the second, when she stumbled and Kaz had to yank her up before she fell on the hard ground.

Without a second thought, or any thought at all, Kaz put her arm around his shoulder and carefully slipped his other arm around her waist to keep her somewhat standing. They were just a block away from her place, but Y/N seemed to cling to Kaz, her legs barely functioning at this point, and Kaz had to lean themselves against an old brick building before they both collapsed.

He also had to take a breather from all the touching, not being used to touching her for this long. Yes, they've stitched up each other countless times, sometimes even caring enough to change each other's bandages. But that never lasted longer than half a minute, or one, which was the limit for Kaz.

As soon as he calmed down, he felt warm fingers touching his face.

He froze in his spot and he had to close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing if he didn't want to start panicking. A minute passed by, and the hands still didn't leave his face, but they began to explore his every feature. It started at his cheeks then to his jaw, his forehead, the hand smoothed over his eyes so carefully as if he was made from glass, then the fingers stopped at his lips. He didn't even know he was forcefully keeping them in a thin line until the warm touch made them slightly part.

When Kaz opened his eyes he felt his heart stop and melt all at once, he felt it cease to beat only to then began pumping his blood with so much force he felt as if his heart was trying to fire up his veins.

Y/N was looking at him with a longing gaze, as if this was her last, yet the first time seeing him. As if he was something worth looking at.

She kept looking at him even though Kaz swore his heart was about to burst into a mess of blood and flames. Her fingers lingered on his lips as her other hand came up to softly caress the side of his face, touching a strand of hair. As if she wasn't able to stop touching him. Kaz felt his lips part even more than before, and his breath got stuck in his throat at her touch. He kept his eyes on her as he felt the need to close them for just one second. He felt his heart throb too fast for his liking, feeling his head getting dizzier by the second.

He was sure he was about to faint.

When her thumb caressed his lips for one second, just one second, she moved both of her hands to the side of his face ever so gently, and Kaz felt his knees tremble under her gaze. They never once broke the eye contact, which made the moment feel even more intimate. The way she was looking at Kaz, the way her eyes reflected the dim light next to them on the street made her eyes sparkle in the moonlight, and Kaz felt himself quietly gasp for air.

Kaz Brekker gasped for air, mesmerized by the sight of her.

He was trying to figure out the emotion behind the look she was giving him all night, when she mentioned him or his name, when she realized he wasn't Jesper, when she took his face in her hands, as she caressed him with such tenderness, as if one wrong touch could shatter him like the finest porcelain.

But when she moved her thumb back to his lips again, slightly caressing it without even noticing, Kaz finally dared to speak up.

"What are you-," He couldn't finish the words he was whispering, because Y/N put his handkerchief between their faces, holding it onto Kaz's lips, as if she was about to...was she? Was she about to...kiss him? Kaz felt like fainting again.

When she spoke up, the drunk look was somewhat gone from her eyes, and bittersweetness took over. "My imagination is wicked, but this might be the cruelest thing it ever did to me, making me see you as if you were real, as if you were here." She whispered it so gently that Kaz had to take a second to grasp what she was saying. "I'm here Y/N, I've been here all night." He said, but she just sadly shook her head.

"You're another hallucination, dream-Kaz, because I can never kiss you in the real world. And even in my dreams, I can't do it without respecting you first," she whispered, smoothing the handkerchief over his lips.

Kaz couldn't pin-point when did his heart pumping began too loud for him to hear, or when did he forget to breathe, but what he knew exactly, was the fact that these all made his thoughts cease to exist. Except one.

"You...dream about me? Above all people you could have choosen, you chose me to dream about?" He asked breathlessly, not believing how small his own voice sounded. Still, tears began welling up in Y/N's eyes, which she tried to keep at bay, but a single drop escaped and she let it stream down her face as she spoke up.

"You're... everywhere, all the time, and I can't escape you from my imagination, sometimes even preferring to hallucinate because that's where I know I'll find you, where I'm brave enough to-to say 'I love you' to your face, without having to deal with your rejection, because I-" As she glanced away from him trying to blink away her tears, Kaz gently took the handkerchief away from his lips and instead held her hand which put the handkerchief on him.

Kaz finally realized how she looked at him. If their racing hearts, her shallow breath, the tremble of her voice wasn't enough clue, than her touch certainly was. Throughout her speech her hands were still on his face, unmoving, not daring to move, instead keeping them there in a tender touch. She was in-

"I'm irrevocably, unconditionally, and fatally in love with you Kaz Brekker."

Sharp breaths and worried looks.

Unnoticeable steps and reassuring nods.

A trembling exhale.

One quick step, and Kaz was kissing her.

Their lips colliding against one another like the sun sets on the dark sea, like the moon takes the sun's place, like fireworks lighting up the sky. Her lips a mix of cheap alcohol and something sweet, his the scent of coffee and something salty. Her shyness, afraid of hurting him, clashing with his yearning movements, all of a sudden forgetting everything that wasn't her. His hand found its way onto the back of her neck, while the other gently touched the side of her face, just as she did mere seconds ago.

Kaz couldn't begin to think about his aversion, nor his nausea, because he was surrounded by her. Her scent, her lips, her hands on his face, her gasp in the kiss. He kissed her as if she was the air he was breathing, and he had been drowning, therefore he took the breath that belonged to him. Kaz never kissed anyone before, nor did he imagine himself doing so, but he did it with a strange hunger, as if he was a starving animal in captivity.

In a way both of them were animals, walking the cruel roads of the city, taking down anyone that crossed their paths in the need of survival. In a way, Kaz was no better than a starving animal, looking for crumbs to feed his hunger, finding any way for revenge to ease his anger. And in a way, Y/N was the first healthy taste that could keep Kaz from starving again.

She was addicting. The kiss couldn't have lasted more than 5 seconds, but Kaz already felt himself in need of another. He only tasted her once but he wanted more. So much more.

His knees didn't stop weakening, and he still couldn't quite catch his breath, and maybe it was from the lack of air in his lungs, or his heart beating too loudly in his ears to hear anything, but despite his past with touch, despite his head trying to tell him to stop, almost as soon as they broke apart Kaz captivated her once again.

This kiss was more tender than the first. Kaz still kissed her with wild hunger, but now he took his time getting familiar with her lips. Although, Y/N didn't let herself fall under his spell this time, she daringly smoothed her fingers through his raven hair, stopping at the nape of his neck and gently caressing some strands. She stood still, letting Kaz do what he wanted with his hands on her.

It all felt like a dream, a dream that she was bound to keep like a memory, not just another one of her hallucinations. She knew this wasn't real, it couldn't have been, because she knew her Kaz could never touch her like this. Not in this lifetime. So she let herself get lost in this dream more than she should've let herself to, because she knew her drunkenness would be a reasonable excuse.

Therefore she couldn't bring herself to step away from him. She wanted to kiss him, needed to kiss him, desperately, and if this was the only way she would do so, in her drunk imagination, then she would have to settle for it. She had to accept that this lifetime wasn't meant for them.

Kaz knew his anger. It was hot and messy, uncalculated, selfish and greedy, which brought out the monster in him. It made him destroy everything in his path, without a single care about who's coming down with him. Kaz knew his anger.

Except this time. As he stepped inside Y/N's flat, looking at the broken chair in the corner, the different marks on the walls, and the small droplets of dried blood at the entrance, he felt a deep rage take over him, and out of instinct he tightened his arm around Y/N just a bit more.

He imagined every scenario as Y/N talked about the fights, from the bad to the worst, but seeing the remnaints of those fights in the organized and neat place felt almost ridiculous to him.

Y/N didn't bother with covering about the damage. She kept her place clean and comfortable as always, and now her place looked like as if the two sides of her life clashed against one another.

Kaz walked over to the bed with her and sat her down, before he grabbed a glass and poured her some water. He signaled for her to drink it and she agreed, probably unaware of what she was drinking. Meanwhile Kaz looked around and lit up a few candles around the room. Then Y/N moved to take off her boots, failing to do so. After multiple attempts and swearing under her breath, Kaz spoke up.

"Stop that and lie down. I'll help," he told her and set his cane down on the bed next to her. She began giggling as he knelt down on one knee to take her boots off. "If you wanted to get me into bed, you could've just asked," she chuckled and Kaz felt his face heat up. He was grateful that she couldn't see his face right now.

"And what would be the fun in that?" Kaz asked and Y/N could hear the cockyness in his voice. "The easiness. I would let you without thinking, you know." Kaz sat her boots next to her bedside table and looked up at her as she slowly sat up.

"You're not an easy woman Y/N, therefore I wouldn't want easy with you." Kaz told her and watched her smile faltered and her eyes got bigger, like when she was concentrating on something. He took it as a sign to continue.

But before he did, he took a moment to really look at her like this. Face red from drinking, eyes shining in the candelight, her gaze full of emotion, hair messy from touching it too much, a few strands sticking to the side of her face, probably from sweat. Kaz moved to tuck those strands of hair behind her ear, and Y/N watched his tender movements with a sleepy smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Kaz, still on his knees, told her to go to sleep and she happily obliged. She fell back on the bed, quickly moving around for a comfortable position then closed her eyes and fell asleep in just a few minutes.

"I'll be right here," Kaz whispered as he got up from his kneeling position, and got to work.

Y/N woke up to the sound of keys jingling. Against her tired muscles she quickly sat up and grabbed her knife from under her pillow. When her front door opened she threw the knife without hesitation.

Knowing that she probably didn't aim right she grabbed another knife from her bedside table and rushed to the intruder. She grabbed the back of their coat and held the knife to their throat, or she would've, if the person didn't block them with their cane. With the beak of the crow.

"This is how you greet your friends?" Kaz asked mockingly to which Y/N just rolled her eyes and took her knife away from Kaz's face. "Why are you here?" She asked back.

"Good morning, yes I'm quite fine, how are you?" He said and the small grin on his face made Y/N want to kick his cane from under him. "Been better. Could do without the slight headache though, but I'm sure it comes and goes with you," Y/N told him and turned her back to get the knife back in its place.

"You were much better company last night." She turned around abruptly. "What did I do?" Kaz didn't answer at first, which made her worried she did something stupid again. "Kaz, what the hell did I do last night?"

"For starters, you hit up probably half a dozen bars to drown yourself in whatever was cheapest. Then you poured your heart out, probably would've fallen into the canal if it wasn't for me," He said the last words with a mix of mocking and smugness. "Better question: what did you do?"

"A thank you would suffice for saving your ass," He told her and she just scoffed. "Thank you, for being a-" Y/N started but as she hopped down on her bed she felt her ribs ache and she had to breathe loudly to ease the pain. Kaz was in front of her in seconds and had an almost worried look on his face. "What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just-nothing. Probably slept in a bad position," she winced as she put a hand on her left side, but she didn't miss the fact that Kaz reached his hand out. It was only a second, or half a second before he took it back, but she saw it.

Imaged of him touching her flashes through her, his hands in her hair, on her face and neck. She could still feel the touch on her lips, and for a second she just stared back at him in surprise. Was it...was it real? Kaz looked at her questioningly, not knowing what just went through her mind.

Then Kaz sat his cane on her bedside table before he got rid of his coat and put it next to her on the bed. Another image came up: the same position, but he was kneeling in front of her. Y/N shook her head a little, trying to get rid of the images.

"Kaz, what are you do-AH," Y/N shouted as Kaz lifted up her shirt and put his hand on her ribs. He kept poking her left side all the while she was cursing him into oblivion. When Kaz finally stopped and reached for the hem of her shirt she grabbed her clothing and clutched it.

"Hey! No more of this! What do you think you're doing?"

"Measuring up your bruises. I need to know how many punches you took," Kaz told her as a matter-of-factly, and Y/N stared back in confusion. "From who?!"

"Your landlord. Mr. Kozar."

Silence fell over the room. Kaz could see the confusion turn into embarassment, then into fear. Y/N was still clutching her shirt, but this time with a tight grip to ground herself in reality.

"How do you-" She started, but then stopped as she looked up at him. "I told you last night, didn't I?"

"Yes, everything," Kaz had to slightly bite down on his lip, so as not to tell her what did he plan for her landlord tonight. The sight of her, slowly curling in on herself, looking as if she wanted to disappear, when Kaz knew better than anyone that she always made her presence known everywhere she went.

Kaz gently touched the hem of her shirt, next to the piece of fabric she was currently holding in an iron grip, when she looked at him again, this time with uncertainity. Kaz just waited.

"If you want to take off my clothes, at least ask my permission first. Be a gentleman," Y/N told him quietly and loosened her grip on her shirt. Kaz scoffed quietly as he kneeled down in front of her. "I'm anything but gentle," he said, his touch on her shirt never tightening.

"Can I?" Kaz asked on a voice so soft it could've melted gold. Y/N never heard him talk that way, therefore she had to take a moment to grasp her head around how sweet his voice sounded. "Can I take off your shirt?" Kaz asked her again, his soft, sweet voice not faltering. Y/N gently nodded. "Yes."

The minutes while Kaz looked at her bruises, sometimes poking them again, she felt like crying the entire time. Not from the pain, that she was used to living in the Barrel for this long, but from how tender his touches were. He may believe he's not a gentleman, but Y/N knew the truth. She knew the heart behind the iron bars.

After Kaz finished, he handed her shirt back and even helped when she had to stretch out her side. He told her one of her ribs might be fractured, but it shouldn't cause her any trouble tonight.

"Is there a job tonight? Wait, was the meeting I missed last night about this?" Y/N asked Kaz quickly after she reached for her boots to put them on. She was stopped by Kaz's cane snatching them away. "This isn't a job, only if you want to look at it that way," he said carefully and it made Y/N suspicious.

"What did you do?"

"I? I did nothing. Your landlord, on the other hand, did more than what's understandable, even more so, hurting someone close to me, which I believe you don't tolerate either, therefore I set up a meeting with him," Kaz said and rested his hands on the top of his cane, looking at everywhere except her eyes. Y/N didn't miss the way he described their relationship. Someone close to me. Was she still dreaming? Or was this real life? Before she could ask him about that little detail, another thought formed in her mind.

"What meeting?" She asked but the way Kaz glanced at her for just a few seconds before putting his coat on to go on his way, told her more than his words could've. "Oh, a meeting, as in, torture,"

"Only if you want it to get to that point," Kaz said and Y/N was up on her feet right in front of him, and her subconscious got giddy at the fact that he didn't move away from her. "Why Kaz? You didn't have to bother with any of-"

"I did." He said suddenly, and his tone made Y/N go silent. "I do, because I wasn't careful enough to investigate this place like I did with the one before, because I trusted you enough to handle things, because I knew ypu would fight your way out of it. Then you told me you were assaulted, multiple times, multiple fucking times Y/N andyou never once told any of us. You never onced mentioned it, not to anyone, not to me." Kaz told her getting angry at himself for not making sure you were alright, because he was too absorved in his own thoughts, in his feelings for you, trying to punish himself for feeling the way he did. Meanwhile it got to a point where he forgot to protect you. He forgot. He never forgot to look after you. "You didn't ask my help."

"You had enough on your plate now that Pekka's out of the picture. You had business to run, I couldn't have just walk through your door saying my landlord is a greedy asshole who's attacking me at any inconvenience. You wouldn't have cared."

"I would!" Kaz said louder and Y/N looked at him in shock. She was about to speak when Kaz interrupted her. "I do. I do care. I care about your well-being enough, that I wouldn't care at which time of day or night you came for my help." He practically whispered the last few words and he could almost feel her lips against his, the memory suddenly blinding him. "Never be too stubborn to ask for my help. Just come to me."

Y/N could hardly breathe in that moment. All of the flashes from her dream, they weren't dreams at all. She really touched his face, and Kaz really kissed her. Now she remembered how his lips moved against hers as if he had been hungry all his life. And as Kaz looked at her with his pale blue eyes, she was reminded of the fact that he initiated the second kiss. Y/N wanted to know how he kissed, now that she was sober. If it felt addicting while she was drunk, she couldn't begin to imagine what it would feel like now that she's sober.

"I need your help Kaz," she whispered and Kaz's face turned serious at the mention of his name. "I'm afraid I don't remember much from last night." Y/N whispered as she slowly held her hand up next to his face, not wanting to be too quich with her movements, but Kaz gently grabbed her hand and put on the side of his face.

"And now?" Kaz asked raspily. Y/N felt like fainting, as she took a quick inhale. "Not familiar," she said and Kaz moved her other hand to the nape of his neck while he put a hand under her jaw, on her neck. "How about this?" He asked, the words a whisper against her lips. "Still not remembering," she moved her head just a little closer to him and heard Kaz quietly gasp for air, to which she let out a small smile.

"This, you remember," Kaz didn't waste time hugging her even closer to him, so he could finally kiss her again. Saints know he's been itching to do so.

Y/N let out a small gasp in the kiss and Kaz poured all of his years of yearning into their kiss.

Since that night the Barrel had something worse to fear from Dirtyhands: his love and devotion.

[regressionschool]

Getting laid

In the dimly lit living room of the frat house, the smell of pizza and stale beer lingered in the air. The walls were adorned with posters of rock bands and scantily clad women, typical decor for a fraternity. Two frat boys, Jack and Mike, lounged on the worn-out couch, half-empty beer cans in their hands.

"You just need to get laid, dude," Jack said, a smirk on his face. He took a swig from his beer can, his eyes glinting with mischief.

Mike chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, well, easier said than done. Did you see how Professor Collins looked at me today? Like I was some kind of bug she wanted to squash."

Jack laughed, a harsh sound that echoed in the room. "That old hag? She’s just mad because no one wants to bang her. I mean, have you seen her? She’s got that permanent scowl."

"Yeah, true," Mike agreed, his voice dripping with disdain. "But did you catch a glimpse of Sarah in class? Man, those tits... they’re like... gigantic. I can’t even focus when she’s around."

Jack nodded, his eyes gleaming. "I know, right? It’s like she’s got a couple of melons under her shirt. She probably uses them to get what she wants. You know how girls are."

Mike snorted. "Yeah, always playing the game."

Jack leaned back, his gaze turning thoughtful. "You know, we could always mess with her a bit. She needs to be taken down a peg or two."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Jack’s smirk widened. "You’ll see. Just follow my lead."

As the two boys plotted, they didn’t notice the figure standing in the doorway, a small, discreet smile playing on her lips. Professor Collins had overheard their entire conversation, and she had plans of her own.

A few evenings later, the frat house was alive with the sounds of laughter, music, and clinking bottles. Jack and Mike moved through the crowded rooms with a sense of purpose. Their mission was clear: get laid. The air was thick with the smell of cheap cologne and sweat, mingling with the ever-present scent of pizza and beer.

Jack nudged Mike, pointing to a group of girls by the makeshift bar. "Target acquired," he muttered, a sly grin on his face.

The two boys sauntered over, their swagger exaggerated by the alcohol coursing through their veins. "Hey ladies," Jack said, leaning against the counter with what he thought was a charming smile. "You girls look like you could use some company."

One of the girls, a petite brunette, rolled her eyes. "We’re fine, thanks."

Undeterred, Mike leaned in closer. "Come on, don’t be like that. We’re just trying to have a good time. How about a dance?"

The girls exchanged glances, clearly unimpressed. "Maybe later," one of them said dismissively, turning her back to the boys.

Jack scowled, but before he could say anything more, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Sarah, the girl with the 'gigantic tits' they had ogled in class, smiling at him.

"Hey, Jack. Hey, Mike," Sarah said, her tone warm and inviting. "Enjoying the party?"

Jack’s eyes lit up. "Sarah! Yeah, it’s great. How about you?"

"I’m having a good time," she replied, her smile widening. "In fact, my roommates and I are throwing an after-party at our place. You guys should come."

Mike’s eyes widened with excitement. "Seriously? We’d love to."

Sarah laughed, a sweet, melodic sound. "Great! Let’s get a taxi."

The boys followed her outside, practically tripping over themselves in their eagerness. They piled into a taxi, squeezing in beside Sarah, who gave the driver her address.

As the taxi sped through the city streets, Jack and Mike exchanged triumphant glances. This was their chance. They were sure of it.

A few evenings later, the frat house was alive with the sounds of laughter, music, and clinking bottles. Jack and Mike moved through the crowded rooms with a sense of purpose. Their mission was clear: get laid. The air was thick with the smell of cheap cologne and sweat, mingling with the ever-present scent of pizza and beer.

Jack nudged Mike, pointing to a group of girls by the makeshift bar. "Target acquired," he muttered, a sly grin on his face.

The two boys sauntered over, their swagger exaggerated by the alcohol coursing through their veins. "Hey ladies," Jack said, leaning against the counter with what he thought was a charming smile. "You girls look like you could use some company."

One of the girls, a petite brunette, rolled her eyes. "We’re fine, thanks."

Undeterred, Mike leaned in closer. "Come on, don’t be like that. We’re just trying to have a good time. How about a dance?"

The girls exchanged glances, clearly unimpressed. "Maybe later," one of them said dismissively, turning her back to the boys.

Jack scowled, but before he could say anything more, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Sarah, the girl with the 'gigantic tits' they had ogled in class, smiling at him.

"Hey, Jack. Hey, Mike," Sarah said, her tone warm and inviting. "Enjoying the party?"

Jack’s eyes lit up. "Sarah! Yeah, it’s great. How about you?"

"I’m having a good time," she replied, her smile widening. "In fact, my roommates and I are throwing an after-party at our place. You guys should come."

Mike’s eyes widened with excitement. "Seriously? We’d love to."

Sarah laughed, a sweet, melodic sound. "Great! Let’s get a taxi."

The boys followed her outside, practically tripping over themselves in their eagerness. They piled into a taxi, squeezing in beside Sarah, who gave the driver her address.

As the taxi sped through the city streets, Jack and Mike exchanged triumphant glances. This was their chance. They were sure of it.

The taxi pulled up to a quaint, two-story house in a quiet neighborhood. Sarah led the way inside, where they were greeted by her roommates, a group of equally attractive young women. The living room was cozy and tastefully decorated, a stark contrast to the frat house.

"Welcome to our humble abode," Sarah said, gesturing for the boys to take a seat on the couch.

Jack and Mike plopped down, their eyes scanning the room. "Nice place," Jack commented, trying to sound suave.

"Thanks," one of Sarah’s roommates replied with a smile. "We like to keep it comfortable."

Sarah disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a tray of drinks. "Here you go, guys," she said, handing them each a glass. "Drink up."

Jack took a sip, feeling the warmth of the alcohol spread through him. "So, what’s the plan for the after-party?" he asked, leaning back into the couch.

Sarah’s smile turned mischievous. "Oh, we’ve got something special planned for you two."

The boys exchanged excited glances, their minds racing with possibilities. They had no idea what was in store for them.

The boys downed their drinks, feeling the warmth of the alcohol spread through them. They relaxed into the couch, exchanging excited glances and chuckling softly. Jack turned to Sarah, his eyes slightly glazed. "So, what's the special plan?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

Sarah's smile widened. "You'll see," she said, her voice sweet but with an edge that sent a shiver down Jack's spine.

Minutes passed, and the boys started to feel strange. A warm, tingling sensation spread through their bodies. They shifted uncomfortably, realizing too late that something was very wrong. Jack felt a sudden, uncontrollable urge and before he could react, he heard a faint hissing sound. He looked down, horrified to see a wet stain spreading across his jeans.

"Mike!" Jack gasped, his voice shaky. "I think I just... wet myself."

Mike's eyes widened in panic as he felt a similar sensation. He looked down to see his pants darkening with wetness. "What the hell?" he muttered, his voice trembling.

The girls around them burst into laughter, their mocking giggles filling the room. "Looks like our big, tough frat boys can't even keep their pants dry!" Sarah teased, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

Jack's face turned crimson with humiliation. "This isn't funny, Sarah!" he snapped, his voice cracking.

"Oh, but it is," Sarah said, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "You guys wanted to get laid, right? Well, the only way you're getting laid tonight is on a changing table."

The girls' laughter grew louder as they surrounded the boys, their mocking words stinging like venom. "Looks like you two are nothing but big babies," one of Sarah's roommates taunted.

The boys, overwhelmed and humiliated, could do nothing but sit there, their soaked pants clinging to their skin. Sarah and her friends pulled them to their feet, guiding them through a doorway and into another room. The sight that greeted them was both surreal and terrifying.

The room was a giant nursery, complete with oversized cribs, a changing table, and shelves stocked with diapers and baby supplies. The walls were painted in soft pastels, decorated with cartoon characters and playful patterns. The scent of baby powder hung in the air.

Jack and Mike stood frozen, their minds struggling to process the bizarre scene before them. Sarah and her friends moved with practiced ease, leading the boys to the changing table. They were too stunned to resist as the girls began to strip them of their wet clothes.

"Welcome to your new home, boys," Sarah said, her voice a mix of amusement and authority. "From now on, you'll be treated like the babies you are."

The boys watched in a daze as the girls produced large, fluffy diapers, decorated with childish prints. Their hands trembled as they tried to cover themselves, but the girls were relentless. They gently but firmly laid the boys down on the changing table, their teasing voices a constant backdrop to the humiliating process.

"Don't worry," one of Sarah's roommates cooed. "We'll take good care of you."

Jack felt a mixture of fear, shame, and a strange, inexplicable sense of surrender as he was powdered and diapered like a baby. The thick padding crinkled as he was helped off the table, his legs wobbling slightly.

Mike, equally overwhelmed, found himself in a similar state. The soft, bulky diaper felt foreign and embarrassing, but he was too shaken to protest.

Suddenly, the door to the nursery opened once more. Professor Collins, the very woman they'd been deriding just days ago, stepped inside, her presence commanding the room.

At the sight of her, both boys felt an involuntary release, the warmth spreading through their diapers as they wet themselves in sheer terror. The professor's lips curled into a cold smile.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Professor Collins said, her voice dripping with mockery. "Two big, tough frat boys reduced to helpless little babies. How fitting."

Sarah and her friends giggled, their laughter echoing in the room. Jack's face burned with humiliation, his earlier bravado shattered. Mike looked away, too ashamed to meet anyone's gaze.

Professor Collins stepped closer, her eyes gleaming with amusement. "It seems you boys have learned a valuable lesson. But we're not done yet. In fact, your reeducation is just beginning."

The boys exchanged horrified glances, their confusion evident. "Reeducation?" Jack stammered.

Sarah stepped forward, a confident smirk on her face. "Yes, reeducation. You see, Professor Collins has been working with us on a special project for her research in feminism. We're going to turn frat boys like you into good little babies, and then raise you to be better men."

The professor nodded, her gaze unwavering. "You've been chosen as our new research subjects. We'll be documenting every step of your transformation. From arrogant, misogynistic boys to respectful, well-behaved men."

Jack and Mike were too stunned to respond. The realization of their predicament sank in slowly, bringing with it a wave of dread. This wasn't just a humiliating prank. This was a complete, enforced regression.

Professor Collins leaned over Jack's crib, her voice a low, mocking whisper. "Think of this as a second chance, boys. A chance to learn respect, empathy, and humility. Traits you clearly lack."

Mike's eyes filled with tears of frustration and shame. "You can't do this to us," he said, his voice trembling. "We didn't agree to any of this."

Sarah's roommate, the one who had cooed at them earlier, patted Mike's head patronizingly. "Oh, but you did agree, the moment you stepped into this house. And now, you're ours to care for and mold into better people."

Jack clenched his fists, his anger bubbling beneath the surface. But he was powerless, trapped in a diaper, surrounded by women who held all the control.

Professor Collins straightened up, addressing the group. "Sarah, let's make sure our new 'babies' are comfortable. We'll begin their first lessons in the morning."

The girls nodded eagerly, each taking a turn to coo and tease the boys. "Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it," one of them said. "And who knows, you might even start to like it."

As the reality of their situation settled in, Jack and Mike felt a profound sense of defeat. They were no longer the cocky frat boys who had strutted into the party, thinking they could conquer anything. They were now just two scared, humiliated boys in diapers, facing an uncertain future in the hands of those they had once looked down upon.

Professor Collins turned to leave, her final words lingering in the air. "Goodnight, boys. Sweet dreams. Tomorrow, your real education begins."

The door closed behind her, leaving Jack and Mike in the oversized cribs, their minds racing with fear and confusion. They could hear the soft hum of a lullaby playing from a speaker in the corner, adding an eerie touch to the surreal nursery setting.

Sarah leaned over Jack’s crib one last time, her expression softening slightly. "You brought this on yourselves, you know. Maybe after this, you'll learn to treat people with respect."

With that, she turned off the lights, plunging the room into a soothing darkness, illuminated only by the soft glow of a nightlight. The boys lay there, their thoughts a chaotic mess, knowing that their lives had irrevocably changed.

As the lullaby played on, they realized there was no escaping this new reality. They were now the subjects of an experiment designed to reshape their very identities, and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"Sirius was my childhood crush. I was silly around him. I was ten years old and I remember I locked myself in my room, put on some Brenda Lee records and drew hearts with our initials in them, or his name inside a heart....

I dreamed about marrying him when we got older. I wanted for him to be my first kiss. My first boyfriend. My first everything. I thought he was the most beautiful boy in the world. He was the owner of every love song I listened to and the protagonist of every scene I imagined in my head. He made my head spin and my heart beat fast. I knew love because of him... "

"And now?" Lily asked, bringing Remus to the present.

Remus blushed after what he had just confessed. He felt like an idiot now. But back then, when he was ten years old, before his transition and all the fucked up shit in his life, Remus used to be a hopeless romantic. And Sirius had fascinated him.

"He still owns my heart" Remus confessed. It was the truth. Hard and clear.

Lily sighed as if she was hearing the most beautiful love story. It was nothing beautiful. It was torture.

"But in a different way" Remus added "Sometimes I really want to strangle him" he chuckled.

Lily stared at him with those emerald eyes. Her eyes flickered towards the spot where Sirius was laughing on the couch with Alecto Carrow. She was sitting too close to him. Showing him something on her phone. Remus didn't want to look.

"But he doesn't feel the same, obviously" Remus sighed as well "I am his best friend and a boy. And we know he is into girls"

"Many girls for my liking" Lily rolled her eyes, then gave Remus a pitiful smile "What are you going to do?"

Remus shrugged "Probably forget about him" he said "Don't worry about it, Lils. I'll be fine... "

Lily hugged him and kissed his head gently. "You deserve better, Remus"

What they didn't know was that Sirius was openly staring at Remus. Confused by his feelings and how much he had been thinking about him lately. Definitely not like a friend would.

"What about him?... Sirius!" Alecto elbowed him.

Sirius moved his eyes to Alecto's phone where there was a picture of a shirtless bloke. A very attractive one. Sirius’s eyes stared and stared at the torso of that man.

"I know he looks bold, but I do really have a type... I mean I used to fancy you" Alecto giggled.

But Sirius kept staring at the picture. What if he liked this? If he liked Remus would it mean he would like every sexy bloke? Would that make him gay?

Sirius swallowed.

"Sirius!" Alecto exclaimed "What do you think?"

Sirius was kind of panicking.

"I know what you are thinking" Alecto snorted "I should not find such handsome bloke or otherwise you'll get jealous..." she smiled.

Sirius faked a smile.

"Please... No one like me" he winked making the girl laugh.

But in the corner of his eye, he spotted Remus again.

[brabblesblog]

𝕽𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖞𝖊 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘.

Chapter 17: Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

A sequel to Whither is thy beloved gone? (AO3)

After the events of ‘Whither is thy beloved gone?’ Lord Astarion Ancuńin and his consort wife navigate their relationship anew. The ghosts of the past - his, hers, and theirs - threaten to unravel everything they’ve worked for.

Astarion begins to unravel the mystery of Ban's family.

Professionally edited and collaborated on by my dearest friend <3 @editing-by-night

Masterlist

Art by @nyx-knox <3

Astarion sat with his legs crossed. The stool was as filthy as when he’d last seen it, but he’d accepted it this time, if only to accentuate the desired effect. In front of him Roderich dithered, trying to explain away his actions - not that Astarion cared. He forced his attention back onto the man, as unpleasant as it was, and leaned forward.

“It was a desperate time. There wasn’t enough money to fund our… our way of living, and the guild is rich. Far richer than it had any right to be,” Roderich stammered. “Meiros must have taken some too! I’m sure he skimmed some off the top as well, considering there was no one to look into his activities. He’s just as guilty, his hands just as bloody. I don’t see why you would even begrudge me this!”

None of this stayed in Astarion’s mind. He had considered the information irrelevant. “Repeat the last thing you said,” he drawled. “Your bleating proved too much for me.”

Roderich clenched his jaw, looking out the store windows. The moment Astarion had walked in and demanded an audience he had sent his customers away, telling them to come back in half an hour. They were outside, waiting, and the minutes were ticking by. “I just think… this conversation should be held somewhere else, if at all.”

If at all. If nothing else, he could admire Roderich’s nerve. He lazily looked over to the small group of people waiting outside. Behind them his carriage loomed, black and gold and waiting to whisk him away from this drivel.

“Oh, but I haven’t yet touched on why we’re having this conversation.” He crossed his arms. “Did you really think I would care about you stealing guild funds?”

“I suspected you wanted to punish me for… for whatever imagined slights you think we committed against our daughter.” He took a deep breath. “We’ve done nothing of the sort. She may have been unhappy, but everything we did was for her wellbeing - her success.”

“Your success,” Astarion corrected. “I daresay I’ll be the judge of whether wrongdoings were committed or not - and they have,” he glared, “but that isn’t why I’m here. Nor is it why I’m bringing up your financial indiscretions.”

Astarion looked at Roderich, relishing the way the older man looked at him - equal parts fear and indignation. He could feel Roderich’s anger bubbling, his wariness keeping him from allowing it to boil over. Any other man would have assumed Astarion couldn’t do much in public, with the crowd peering at them as it was. But Roderich knew that if he pushed him too far, he’d find himself waking up to fangs sinking into his neck.

So Astarion waited for Roderich to master his temper, idly looking past him to the display of mirrors. He was reflected in all of them, from various angles, and he couldn’t resist admiring himself a little. From the corner of his eye he saw two of the patrons outside fanning themselves and rolled his eyes.

Finally Roderich found his voice. “Then what was this visit for?”

Astarion smiled and returned his attention to Roderich. “A matter near and dear to Ban’s heart, and therefore mine. Your son.”

Roderich spluttered. “Adrien? We already told you-”

“And we are painfully aware you’re lying.” He gazed at Roderich’s reflection, eyes boring into him. “Don’t make it difficult, Roderich. We can have a nice, civil conversation,” he thought about it, “or I’ll have to resort to less… pleasant measures.”

Roderich sighed. “I… of course. I would at least prefer to talk in private. Perhaps in my home.”

“Fine. I can’t keep the good citizens desperately wanting mirrors waiting, can I?” There was also the fact he figured having Arlette around for this conversation might be better - if only so that he could have all possible information at hand. That, and watching the people peering at him through the glass was starting to grate.

“Thank you,” Roderich breathed. “After the day is done, head there. I can have Arlette prepare supper, and you could bring Ban.”

Astarion stood. Roderich tracked every move he made, but didn’t speak. Astarion stepped closer, enough so that he could look down at him. “Just me, unfortunately. My wife has far more important business to attend to. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

The raised eyebrow made Roderich shrink back, to Astarion’s satisfaction. The man rubbed at his bald head. “Why of course. We’d be more than happy to host you.”

A wide smile graced Astarion’s face, the tips of fangs peeking out. “I’m glad to know that. Provide my chauffeur with your address, and I shall be there tonight.”

The house was large, situated against the walls of the upper city, although just like the shop it showed signs of neglect. As he approached, the door opened before he could even rap his knuckles against it. Arlette’s pale face greeted him and this time her eyes did not rake over his features. As he stepped into the house she looked at his feet and cleared her throat.

“Erm. Your shoes, if you would be so kind.”

He fixed her with a pointed look and stepped forward anyway. The request reminded him of Ban, but he brushed the thought aside. She had stayed home, knowing he was handling the issue with her family. Seeing them again would not do her any favors.

Arlette hurried alongside him, walking fast to keep up with his longer strides. As he walked he took in the house. Ban had lived here most of her life. He allowed his mind to wander a little, musing. Where would she have sat? Had her room been neat? Had she owned dolls? Read books? Had she dreamed of adventures, or being swept off her feet by a dashing prince?

His thoughts were interrupted by Arlette. “I hope you don’t mind. We weren’t sure what you’d prefer to… eat, but we assumed some soup and roast would be-”

Astarion held up a hand. “I prefer we skip the niceties and get to the matter at hand. Where - or rather,” he scanned the house - what he could see of it anyway - finding no sign of a third person, “when am I ever to see this son of yours?”

He had surmised that he wouldn’t see Adrien in his brief conversation with Roderich earlier today. The man had said that he would explain everything, whatever that meant, as he’d hurried Astarion out the door.

As he turned the corner and entered the dining room he saw Roderich sitting at the head of the table, waiting. Roderich stood as Astarion walked in, obviously tense. “There was no need for all that unpleasantness earlier today. We would have told you, had we known what you wanted.”

Astarion sat on the opposite end of the table, steepling his fingers and settling in. He could almost taste their discomfort, and it was gratifying. “We provided you the chance to disclose everything civilly, remember? You chose to lie and be difficult.”

Roderich bristled, but Arlette put a hand on his shoulder. “You could have us removed from the guild, but the coin… it doesn’t exist anymore. It’s gone.” Her eyes locked onto his steepled fingers. “You’ve gotten married.”

“Hm?” He raised his hand for them to see. “Indeed we have. I won’t apologize for the lack of invitation. We wanted only those important to us in attendance.”

He savored the affronted looks from the couple, daring them to voice their complaints. When none came, his thoughts drifted back to the misappropriated guild funds.

He wasn’t surprised. Meiros had mentioned that the Glasscrafts were used to a life of relative luxury; the loss of customers and their retreat from active networking would have put a dent in that. Their theft from the Guild coffers had been discovered a few years ago but Meiros had deemed it unnecessary to take action at the time. Apparently, the amount of coin had not been significant, and he’d felt some pity for Roderich after the disappearance of his daughter was made known. In any case, Astarion was glad; it provided him ample ammunition to leverage the Glasscrafts with, if needed.

Astarion reached for the carafe, pouring himself a glassful of what looked like wine. He sniffed it, ascertaining it to be so, and took a small sip. It felt safe, at least.

“Whether the money is gone or not, all I have to do is to ask. Meiros will act at my behest.” He locked gazes with Roderich, allowing the silence to stretch. He lounged back, waiting.

Roderich broke, clasping his hands together. His eyes were downcast, fixed on his own hands. “After Ban left us, the… arrangement we had with her betrothed’s family fell apart. We needed to find another suitable arrangement, and so we quickly found an associate with a daughter around Adrien’s age.”

“He was displeased, just like she had been, and one night-” Arlette began, but Astarion held up a hand.

He laughed. “You drove both children off the same way? How very ironic. You’d think you’d have learned your lesson the first time, but no - you had to push the other away too!” The savage glee he felt definitely raised Arlette’s hackles - he saw her eye the fireplace poker.

“Oh. I wouldn’t even attempt that, Arlette.” He waved a hand at her. “Or you could try your luck, I suppose. I wouldn’t mind livelier fare tonight.” He gave her a quick grin, baring his fangs, and was satisfied when she backed down.

“A wise choice.” He curled his lip. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? ‘My son left, same as my daughter did, because I was an abusive ass’,” He copied Arlette’s cadence, the smile only widening as she seethed. His eyes then returned to Roderich. “Now. I’m assuming you know where your son went?”

He knew the answer was likely not. Ban had, after all, stayed in the lower city for several years, within the same city, and her parents had never bothered to seek her out. He surmised they were the type who would not deign to head into the lower city unless absolutely necessary.

Roderich sighed. “We asked everyone we could ask. All we know is that the night he left…” he glanced over at his wife; Arlette finally sat down beside him, glaring at Astarion.

“Contrary to your assumptions, my lord, Adrien’s departure was not like Ban’s.” She sneered, or her best approximation of one, anyway; her fear of him prevented her from managing true disdain. “He did not take anything with him. No clothes, no extra coin. No materials other than what he’d usually bring on a night out.”

“We had an argument,” Roderich interjected. “The usual one, about him wanting his… freedom,” he scoffed, “to choose his spouse, and how the girl we’d betrothed him to was a spoiled, overgrown child.”

“And ugly, to boot.” Arlette shrugged. “He wasn’t wrong, but really.”

“So he left to cool off. Not an unusual occurrence, except he didn’t return. We assumed he’d found someone to keep him company for the night, and would return on the morrow, but… he never did.”

The hardness in Arlette’s features disappeared for once. “We waited. Days, weeks, months. We asked folks that we knew. No one knew where he’d gone, nor had they seen him. It was as if he’d disappeared into thin air. There were whispers we heard then, rumors.”

To Astarion’s surprise, Roderich pointed an accusing finger at him. “You’re Szarr’s heir, are you not? You would know better than most. The stories of folk disappearing, of debauched parties in the night. You would know.”

His pique rose. “And you know someone who’s disappeared, beside your own children? Both of whom ran away of their own free will?” Astarion challenged. They’d been specifically forbidden from hunting in the upper city. Cazador had preferred victims from the lower classes, and rightfully so. Nobody ever went looking for them, not for long anyway.

Roderich looked away. “Well… no.”

“What does it matter? Whatever those rumors were alluding to - they’re obviously true!” Arlette stood and rounded on him, hands on the table. “Look at you. Look at what you made our child into.”

Astarion refused to allow their words to slip under his skin. Her anger was meaningless. All the same, he couldn’t resist baring his fangs at her. “I’d be careful pointing fingers, Arlette. Your daughter left too, and she didn’t end up as food for… monsters, did she?”

“Well, she became one herself!”

He laughed, the sound theatrical and dangerous. He stood as well. “Considering that she was raised by a pair of them, I doubt she found it much of a leap.”

Arlette screamed in frustration, scrabbling for the knife on the table. Astarion watched, amused, as Roderich slammed his hand down on her wrist, preventing her from aiming it at him.

“Let her go. Let her try, if she chooses to.” Astarion crossed his arms.

Roderich shot his wife a warning glare, then slowly lifted his hand away. She stood there for a second, chest heaving, hand clenched around the knife. Astarion merely stared indifferently.

Finally she cursed, letting go of the knife. “I would say I hope the gods curse you, but… I think you’re already there,” she spat.

He took it in stride. “Rude of you, really, when I’m here to find your son. Not to return him to you, of course, but I would have at least informed you when I found out if he was safe, something you two have obviously failed to determine.”

Roderich’s eyes bulged. “You dare-”

“Yes. I dare.” He picked up his glass and refilled it with painful, deliberate slowness, dragging the moment out. “I assume you asked people you knew, not people Adrien knew.”

“He didn’t have a lot of friends. He kept to himself.”

“Perhaps he did not prefer the company you made him keep?”

The two did not respond. Astarion swirled the wine lazily. “Tch. Your investigation was incomplete. If you employed the same methods you did when Ban first left, then you certainly haven’t even scoured this city, let alone further.”

Roderich gulped. “We… did not look for her.”

Astarion blinked. He balled his fists, and the urge to snap their necks was almost irresistible. “You… did not look for Ban, but looked for Adrien.” He said it slowly, enunciating each word, voice dripping with venom.

“She left with most of her belongings. And, well… Adrien was still there…” Arlette stammered, shrinking back as Astarion began to stalk towards them.

“Of course. Your beloved son was there, so what did her departure cost? Nothing.” He drew closer, eyes narrowed into slits. “Why would one failed arrangement matter, when you had the more valuable piece still in play, hm?”

He raised his eyebrow as Arlette finally grabbed the knife and lunged for him. Too slow, of course, but he admired her verve. Roderich reached for her, but Astarion was faster, catching her wrist effortlessly. He pulled her close, hissing against her ear.

“I would relish the opportunity to rip you apart, and then tear your husband into pieces,” he whispered. “But I doubt Ban would be pleased to find out that I’ve eviscerated her parents without asking her first. Consider this, however, your final warning. One more false move,” he pried the knife from her hands and set it down on the table, “and I will accept her ire and act in… well, let’s say self-defense.” He let her go, and she sank back onto her chair, her husband standing protectively behind her. He eyed Roderich.

“Any complaints?” He didn’t respond, and Astarion smirked. “I thought so.”

He leaned against the table, making a show of looking at his nails. “So. You did not bother to search for Ban, but did so for Adrien. Despicable, but unsurprising from you lot.” He raked his eyes over the pair. As much as he wanted to rip into them, there was the far more urgent need of actually finding out where Ban’s brother was. “When you say you searched for Adrien… who exactly did you talk to?”

“Like you said,” Arlette said, her voice small. “We asked the people we knew. The rumors about Cazador Szarr became the only lead we had. And it was just… that. Whispers. Someone knew someone who knew someone, who’d heard stories.”

Astarion shrugged. “No doubt it was easier to believe a monster had taken your son than to think the ones in his own home had pushed him away.” He glanced at them, daring them to try contesting his words. When no dissent came, he returned his attention to his fingernails.

“I shall be conducting my own investigation. If I find Adrien…” he considered this for a moment, “and he does not want to be found, I shall tell you of his survival at the very least, if you two cooperate with my search and never come close to either of them, ever again.”

“But-”

“It’s that, or I seek out Adrien on my own and you never learn what I discover. I’ll also request Meiros to very kindly look into the missing funds from the guild treasury. And were you to breathe a single word of what Ban and I are, well. I never refuse a free meal.”

The two exchanged a long glance, and then finally nodded. Satisfied, Astarion straightened up. “Are we agreed, then?” Slowly, they nodded again.

Astarion sat back down. “If you could provide more details - how Adrien looked, what he was wearing, the date of his disappearance, any other details you would deem pertinent - that would be delightful.”

“We last saw him four years ago, a year after Ban left. He was twenty-one then,” Roderich provided.

Four years younger than Ban, Astarion noted. “And the day?”

“Thirteenth, of Alturiak. It was a chilly, rainy night.”

This, he also noted. “Was he dressed appropriately?” If not, Adrien could not have gone far without purchasing a cloak.

“He was, to a point,” Arelette offered. “He was wearing the jacket I’d made him. It did not have a hood.”

Astarion sighed. That widened his circle somewhat, and reduced his chances. He had hoped to encounter a vendor who might have sold him clothes. He took a long look at the couple.

Arlette walked away, quickly leaving the dining room. He could hear her rummaging around and she came back with a locket. To his surprise she pressed it onto his palms.

“This is a portrait of Adrien. We stowed all the family portraits away when he disappeared. It was… too painful… to look at the mantelpiece and see his face. But this should help.”

He opened it to reveal a young man. There was a small tug of familiarity, and little wonder. He had strikingly dark eyes - Ban’s eyes. Raven-black hair, the same golden skin, the same half-smile. He could be her twin, he thought as he closed the locket.

Along with the locket was a cufflink. It looked expensive, jewel-encrusted, and he held it to the light.

“His favorite cufflinks. We never found the other.” Roderich nodded at it. “We assume he had it that night.”

Astarion pocketed both items and stood. “I shall write to you if there are any developments. If anything comes up, I shall expect the same courtesy. You do remember where to write, yes?”

“The Crimson Palace,” Roderich said, and Astarion smirked. He’d never forgiven the man for not knowing that the first time they’d met.

“Perfect.” He reached over and downed his glass. “Thank you for the dinner. It was most… enlightening.”

He gave them a small, sardonic bow, and headed for the door.

Astarion fingered the clasp of the locket as the carriage made for the palace, flicking it open with one hand. He stared at the face looking back at him, frowning. The other half of the locket had a piece of paper in it instead of a portrait, one seemingly folded in half. He reached in, pulling it out. The paper was thick; he unfolded it carefully.

The content of the paper was not what he expected, and not anything useful, but he was glad he’d opened it all the same. Ban, from years ago, her face less lined, a little fuller and far softer than she looked now. She was illuminated in what looked like a sunset; the golden light highlighting the side of her face that it hit. Her hair wasn’t tied back in her usual ponytail, or even the bun she occasionally preferred - it fell in loose, long waves, framing her face. He’d seen her with her hair down of course, but almost never in public.

He ran his finger down the side of her face, then traced those lips he’d come to know so intimately. His thoughts drifted back to her, of her youth spent in that house and in that shop. He couldn’t recall his own past - two centuries of torment had ensured it was all but gone - but he did not envy Ban hers. Astarion closed the locket, but kept her portrait for himself, pocketing it.

As the carriage drew to a stop and he stepped out, he spied her in the foyer, waiting. The sight never failed to make his heart swell, and he made a beeline for her.

“Home at last,” she said, as he drew close for a quick kiss. “I trust everything went well?”

“Mm… well enough.” He had no intention of informing her of anything until everything was laid bare, as they had agreed upon. “Some progress has been made, I would say, but nothing concrete as yet. You’ll have to wait a little longer.” He’d told her where he’d been headed, but had not informed her of any pertinent details.

She led him to the dining room, not bothering to turn towards him as she spoke. “It’s not a huge pain. I’ve… not even thought of them in so long. I can stand to wait a little longer to see how Adrien’s doing.”

He helped her into her seat before seating himself. Taking a bite from her fork, she eyed him. “Were your dealings with Meiros at least helpful?” Whatever their arrangement was, she hoped it had been useful.

“Yes… and no,” Astarion admitted. “I would have achieved the same effect without it, but it would probably have taken more… convincing. I would not have minded doing that, but you might have.”

Ban scoffed. “As prideful as they are, they’re cowards. They’re frightened of you - of… of us now, I suppose. I have little doubt they’d immediately cave.”

He laughed, remembering today’s encounter. “You’d be surprised. Your mother may or may not have attempted to kill me.”

“She wouldn’t.” Her eyes widened at the look on Astarion’s face. “You… you’re serious. Really?”

“With a knife, which I’m sure would have done the job, given enough time.” He began to eat. “I can see where you inherited your… spirit.”

“You mean to say my temper.”

He bit back a mirthful bark. “Your words, darling, not mine.”

There was silence for a while as they both ate. Astarion’s eyes flicked over to her, unconsciously comparing her face with the portrait that was now in his pocket. He burned with a desire to ask her for more, but wasn’t quite sure how to broach it.

Her eyes drifted away from Halsin’s wedding gift on the mantelpiece - a dragon sitting on its haunches - and noticed his staring. She tilted her head. “Something on my face?”

He shook his head. “Is there a reason why you wear your hair the way you do now?” He fingered the paper inside his pocket, then took it out, handing it to her.

She unfolded it, silent as she took in the portrait. “Mother preferred my hair down. Said it would hide the… features of my face. One of the few things she and I did not disagree on.”

Astarion considered this. He ran his eyes down her current - and now permanent - physique, mulling over the potential implications. She handed the portrait back to him and returned to her meal; he quickly stored it. He was sure he’d ask about it some other time, but for now, he was content with what she had revealed.

They were walking in the garden after dinner when he broached the topic. “Darling… was your mother the first person to tell you you aren’t… attractive?”

She paused and turned to look at him, half bent over to look at a particularly large rose. “What makes you think that?”

“Your comment about your hair. The way you always glance at the prettiest woman in any room, then down at yourself. The clothing choices - cloaks, capes.” He ticked these off with his fingers. “Even your hair. Held up now, yes, no longer quite hiding - but still plain. As if you feel like any adornment other than your braids would be a waste.”

“Well.” She took a deep breath, then plucked the flower. “Having my hair up became a habit after I ran away. Came with the job, really. Fighting with it loose would be unwise.” She straightened up, smelling the rose.

“And everything else?”

She chuckled. “Everything else you got spot-on.” She fell into stride beside him, tucking the flower by her ear.

“You are perfect, and your mother is a wretched woman whose opinions have no real merit, other than in her own miserable mind. You’d do well to realize none of her comments had any worth.”

Ban raised both arms, flexing them at him. “This isn’t what you’d normally see on a beautiful woman, Astarion. Not what most men would want, even.”

“Yet you chose that,” he noted. “Perhaps you wanted to be strong, truly strong, unlike what your mother wanted you to be.”

“She wanted me strong, but not in this way, that’s true. This I chose for myself.” She put her hands down, then ran her hand down the swell of a tricep. “I wanted it, yes, but I’m also aware this isn’t-”

“And why should we bother with the opinions of fools and miscreants who would not know how to tell a gem from a rock?”

“Because… I mean, Astarion. Let’s face it.” She took both of his hands, and he fixed his gaze on her. “Look at me. Then look at yourself. Tell me you don’t see what they see. You even said it yourself - they see me as a trivial matter in their path to you, right? Because I look the way I do.”

“Then they can shove their frankly insipid, dull ideas of attractiveness,” he snarled, “far, far up their own asses. And if they dared to breathe a word of it to you, or me… well.” A smile broke through her dismay, exactly as he’d hoped, and he led her to the fountain. He slipped behind her as they both admired it.

“You are beautiful to me,” he murmured, “and considering I am looked upon as world-endingly beautiful myself, that ought to mean something, shouldn’t it?” He leaned in, the humor slipping away. “Trust me.”

Those familiar words sent a shiver down her spine. Trust. Something she had given so freely before, and something she had been giving again recently, even though there were times that it still felt hard. It would be work, she knew - she’d need time to do better, just as he had - but she hoped she was at least making some headway. Her mind wandered, away from thoughts of her appearance to hoping this conversation was at least a sign of progress in his eyes.

“Ban?” Astarion paused from the path his lips had been making down her shoulder. “Is everything alright?”

Ban turned to focus on his face. She could see the fear beginning to creep in his eyes, and she quickly kissed him. He visibly eased, exhaling.

“I- I thought for a moment…”

“No. You did nothing wrong.” She kissed his jaw, then his cheek, running a comforting hand through his hair. He leaned into the touch, eyes shuttering. She fought the instinct to just leave it at that, and pushed on. “Can you tell me, love, if all this… everything I’ve been trying to do... Has it been working?”

“Your hair could stand to be decorated sometimes.” One look at her withering glare and he shifted gears. “Er - the wedding arrangements were more than sufficient,” he said automatically, “and I think everyone went home satisfied. Well, perhaps not Minsc, but-”

“Astarion,” she said, a note of urgency in her tone. “Quit deflecting. You know what I mean. Fixing… this. Us. Being better for you.” Somehow these words felt harder to say than even her wedding vows, and she tamped down the voice inside her that told her that this was unnecessary talk.

“Yes.” He met her gaze, uncertain, but unafraid. The irony was not lost on her. “I suppose the wedding and the whole…” he waved a hand, “...game, occupied most of our time recently, but, yes.” His eyes darted across her face, and he bit his lip. “I see more of you. Feel more of you.” As soon as he said it his eyes flicked away, and she caught it.

“Please?” she asked, and he exhaled.

“I would be lying if I said everything is perfect.” He braced himself, then met her gaze head-on. “It’s far too soon to tell for certain, and we’re both aware that wedding planning wasn’t the most… normal of times.”

“I understand.” She leaned forward and rested her head against his collarbone. “But I promise you. I will be who you want me to be… maybe not the hair, though.”

He chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around her. “I will adore you regardless of who you are and what you choose to look like, Ban. But I appreciate the sentiment.”

Astarion awoke from his trance just as the sun began to shine, its rays slipping in through a gap in the drapes. He stood up to close them, not wanting Ban to stir. Before he pulled them shut he stood, watching the light touch the wrought-iron fence that enclosed the palace grounds.

He’d have to begin his search somewhere, and it was likely that he would get no answers in the upper city, but he planned on sending some of his staff to ask around just in case. He would handle the lower city himself, figuring that would yield more results, considering Roderich hadn’t explored that option. It likely hadn’t even occurred to him until last night, the idiot.

The question, however, remained. What would happen once they found Adrien? The relationship between the siblings didn’t seem exactly… warm. His eyes wandered over to Ban’s sleeping form, worry creasing his brow.

What if her brother rejected her for what she’d become? For what they had done? There was no need for him to know, but he wasn’t sure if Ban would tell him everything - including the circumstances of the rite. Save for their companions, no one else knew of the price that had been paid. To everyone else, he was a regular noble. To the people he had met on their journey who knew what he was, he had merely found some means of being able to withstand the sun.

Well, other than the Society. They had quickly inferred that it had been a contract of sorts, no thanks to Omeluum. They had kindly kept the information confidential, but he was still irked at the thought that they knew at all. Ban had suggested keeping them close, to foster goodwill, which they had done.

He brushed away the unpleasant path his thoughts had taken. He needed to focus on the matter at hand. Sending out feelers in the upper city, and venturing into the lower city. Ban may know the names of some of Adrien’s associates, the ones their parents hadn’t approved of.

He merely hoped all this would lead to her finding some closure.

[anundyingfidelity]

RED LEDGER — Soldier Boy/Ben (Chapter III)

Summary: As a former FBSA analyst, you find yourself fighting against supes in a morally gray manner. Knowing there’s not much to do thanks to Hughie’s revelations about your current director and your hidden feelings for him, you agree to help his team despite your lack of special abilities. Just like Butcher and his boys, your family has been hurted badly by Vought and its superhuman puppets. But the one you hate the most is perhaps the worst nightmare you could ever ask to face every damn day: Soldier Boy in the flesh.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 3.6k.

Genre: slow burn, angst, some hurt/comfort and romance in the end.

Warnings: Soldier Boy hurting reader intentionally and unintentionally, some misogyny, suggestive and sexual themes, mentions of a dead older brother, mentions of drugs and alcohol usage, usual language, canon violence, wounds, blood, some OOC!Soldier Boy, reader is a badass, unrequited love (Hughie x reader).

Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III

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Anyone could say Hughie was doing better, staying behind during missions with Frenchie as they watched over the lab with the hacked cameras inside his van, but you were great. The constant bicker and verbal vomit you exchanged with Soldier Boy was becoming a routine at this point, even if Butcher had tried to make his presence less sufferable around you. However, once you made it back to the building, you felt everything was different since he had saved you. You had to enter the bathroom to wash your face before taking at least two hours to sleep and try to suppress the dazed thoughts in your mind. But once you went out, you encountered Hughie standing against the wall with arms crossed over his chest. His eyes brightened when he saw you.

“You okay, right?” he asked with a frown, looking for any wound or sign of discomfort on your face. He truly showed that he cared about you, and it made your heart ache just a little.

You hummed, nodding your head. “Yeah, I’m fine. I gave Butcher the device already. Guess I was lucky enough…”

“He saved you, didn’t he,” Hughie commented. “I saw Soldier Boy and the supe terrorist from outside, but I couldn’t watch the room you were in. I’m glad you’re fine.”

“Well, without you I shouldn’t be here either,” you smiled softly at him.

“So I’m the hero now?” Hughie teased back and you chuckled. He had this confidence with you only and you had missed him being like this the past few days.

“No, I think you’re better.”

He beamed at your compliment, because both of you knew how supes could be. How heroes could really be. Hughie was none of that, and he cared for the team, and you, and then Annie. Avoiding your mind wandering all over those awful feelings of yours, you said goodnight with a smile, considering it was dawn already. Hughie gave you a nod before disappearing on his door, meeting his girlfriend inside. You knew she was there now because the walls were so thin sometimes, and you could hear her voice even after the doors were closed.

“You always follow him like a lost puppy,” Soldier Boy said on your back, making you turn around to meet his gaze as he wiped the dry stain of blood on his bearded cheek. “You should give up already.”

He looked very different from the man who had saved your ass less than an hour ago. You rolled your eyes.

“Are you still jealous?”

He scoffed. “What for?”

“Because Hughie is a decent human being with me, you can start there.”

The playfulness in his eyes quickly vanished, and was replaced by an unreadable feeling you couldn’t precisely describe. “I saved your ass out there. Not because I think I owe you, it was the right thing to do.”

“You can’t say that while treating me like a piece of meat—”

“No, listen,” he interrupted your words with the same stern gaze and you found it impossible to look away from his eyes. “I know you think I’m a monster, and I don’t blame you, but I’ll do it again if necessary. You don’t really know me, Y/N. And you don’t know what I’ve been through, here or back there in that hell of a shithole. I’ve had it as hard as any of you could have it in hands of those russian fuckers, playing with my mind and my body to try and find a way to kill me, and after all, they still failed.”

There was a small spark in his eyes, speaking with sincerity, and you remembered reading his file, and hearing about the tapes they found of those tortuous experiments he had been put through. But you had to tell yourself he was just playing with you, using his own suffering to make you feel a bit of empathy for him, which behind all the hate you grew in your chest, was still there. It was completely normal and human to feel that way nonetheless. You just thought he didn’t deserve it.

Fucking men. They all thought you owe them for doing something slightly honorable and modest, like saving a non-super girl’s life. And this is why you started to hate the fact that Soldier Boy did save your ass back there, without caring if it was just because of his own personal interests. What’s done is done, they say. You were in red numbers now in your little, personal ledger book and it was the worst feeling ever.

“You don’t know me either, Ben. Save that up for yourself,” you talked through your teeth before walking away and locking yourself inside your room.

He promised himself that day he had to have you anyway.

For the last few days, Butcher had been complaining about your bickering with Soldier Boy about the smallest of things. He wasn’t the only one though. You had to bear MM and his talk while he also wished to kill the supe, and then there was Hughie’s attempt to calm you down, even if he was pissed inside due to the reckless behavior coming from Soldier Boy. Finally, the signs Kimiko used that you barely understood were because she also thought Ben had to be punished for his stupidity, and Annie being absolutely on your side. Everyone knew he was a jerk.

And now, after planning to take down another lab you found on the map, he was an insufferable pain in the ass with you. Since Hughie was almost completely healed along with you, he had been noticing you spending more time together. Yeah, you missed your friend, but Ben had no right to behave that way with you. Not after making it clear you and him didn’t connect really well.

“If you’re gonna stare all day, I can give you a picture,” you said without looking away from your laptop.

Soldier Boy raised his eyebrows at your remark. “You told me to shut up, sweetie. But a picture wouldn’t be wrong.”

You grimaced with disgust, typing on the keyboard. “You’re still here, it’s annoying.”

“You have so much luck we’re alone right now,” he said and you could imagine the dirty smirk putting on his lips.

“No, I’m not lucky to be here with you, it’s threatening,” you said harshly, looking at him for the first time since he sat down to watch you work.

His eyes softened for a moment as he spoke. “Well, I guess we can bond.”

Turning your eyes away, you let a silence embrace both of you. You were praying for a moment of peace without him, but that was nearly impossible. It was like he was the one following you around like a lost puppy, and you couldn’t really shove him away.

“Look, I might know how you feel,” Soldier Boy started, you watched him from the corner of your eye just expecting his next words. “And I do remember that mission in East Philly. Vought forced us to go there. They used to create some small criminals if things were quiet. That day, the robberies all over the city were, well, part of the show. We didn’t care at that time, but now it’s… different. And I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said with a calm and soothing voice that surprised you that you even stopped typing just to listen. “If anything, my team’s dead, longgone, and I was suffering for four decades at the hands of the reds.”

Yes, but you’re still here and now I owe you my life even though I still hate you.

With a sigh, you tried to swallow his words and his fucking apology. He took so long for that. Maybe he wasn’t really feeling what he had just said, probably it was just an act, but you were starting to feel worn out for Soldier Boy, for his acts, for his presence, and all the hurtful things he’d said to you, and you realized it wasn’t really worth it. His true self towards you was everything but being kind, so this was new and in any way, you had to take it to not look like a bitch. And the memory of him saving you was hunting you deeply. Sometimes you just wished you had died right there instead. You wouldn’t be feeling this way if that terrorist had ended with your life. You let out a deep sigh and continued checking the screen of your laptop under his stare.

“It’s nothing,” you mumbled. “It happened already, we can’t change the past.”

“No, but we can let this go in a different direction.”

Surprised by his statement, you looked at him, trying to decipher if he was being honest or not. But he was so damn hard to read. You swallowed, searching for something to say. Anything that could end the conversation already. You nodded with your head, studying his gaze.

“Okay, but this is the only chance you’ve got. Don’t screw it up.”

“C’mon,” you hissed, hitting the door button for the elevator multiple times.

The lab base you were in now was the biggest one since you started taking them down. It was a huge, old building with around fifteen floors. Most of the metal around was rusty, and it was possible most of the dirt stains on the walls were because of blood, guts and brains splattered all over. It was certainly disgusting to wander around and touch the machines in the room you had been in. And since the place was enormous, the team had to split up. You were on the last floor, unfortunately followed by Soldier Boy while taking out part of the information inside the computers with your device. Hughie and Frenchie had discovered there was another room with data in the sixth floor though, and you had to head there fast, meanwhile Ben distracted the huge guard injected of V back in the aisle. You were pretty sure that fucker was around seven feet tall when you saw him, and you were somewhat and justly damn scared.

Like heaven sent, the doors slid and you heard heavy steps approaching you. Looking for the sound you saw Soldier Boy walking towards you with long strides.

“Let’s go,” you said, getting inside. Soldier Boy followed in silence while taking a quick glance around. “Is he dead?”

“I hope so,” he replied and you eyed him warily. The elevator doors started closing. Just like pretty much every place you’ve been, it was as corroded and dirty inside, the lights barely on and flickering.

You pushed the button to the sixth floor. “Why you hope so?”

A huge hand stopped the door from closing completely, you yelped, stepping back immediately until your back hit the wall.

“Because of that,” Ben said, noticing the elevator won’t move.

“Well, I hope we don’t get trapped!” you shouted as he used the shield to cut off his hand but it was harder than he expected.

“Motherfucker,” he hissed through teeth.

The unknown hand was able to throw his shield away, grabbing Soldier Boy by his neck. He lifted Ben up with ease and even if you had the strength to pick the shield you wouldn’t know what to do. Quickly you took a glance to the panel of buttons, and pushed the alarm button in hopes that it might do something. You pushed it repeatedly until your hand hurted. In seconds, the lights went out and the elevator started to fall. The good thing coming out of it was the supe’s hand being cut, releasing Ben’s throat as the stained blood doors closed.

With a loud gasp, you fell on your butt down to the ground, feeling gravity taking you to the bottom of the building. You grasped onto an iron bar clamped to the wall as the emergency lights went on and you pushed the red stop button. For some reason, you were hoping to not work but, thankfully, it did. The lift stopped abruptly on the next floor. The old marker said it was the fifth floor. Soldier Boy sat up straight on the ground, his eyes shockingly staring at you, wide and with his mouth falling open in awe. However, it was still difficult for you to read exactly what he meant. He was too prideful to admit you had saved him from that monster.

You pushed the open doors button again as he stood on his feet and followed you out.

“Well, we’re even now,” you remarked with a playful tone in your voice. “We're gonna use the stairs starting today.”

Quickly, you walked away to get to the stairs not letting him answer. He knew better you had paid your life debt. He smiled following you through the empty aisle, and found out he loved your confidence more than he would ever admit.

Not a word about the elevator incident had been exchanged between you and Ben. Since that small talk you had, he certainly tried to be better with you. Sometimes he had those stupid moments, saying dumb things and snapping back at you for small things and you used to fight him with words in front of everyone, but besides that, you noticed he really started to change. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy teasing him back. In the end, he deserved it and you needed some fun.

“We need to attack from the back,” Ben fumed, discussing the next plan in the living with you. The last plan was Vought, and being honest it was also frightening.

“No, it’s better if we infiltrate. But not with you, of course,” you said plainly. “You stay behind.”

“You still need me for this, sugar,” he teased with the last word and you felt your cheeks burning at the pet name.

A couple of weeks ago, you had to admit to yourself that Soldier Boy wasn’t that bad, and you were still learning to forgive together. Deep inside, you weren’t so different. Both hurted souls, forced to be there in a way due to the circumstances, regretting terrible things you had done to others… You had much more in common, and maybe if he hadn’t started with the wrong side, probably he would have gotten what he wanted from you by now. You got to understand his pasts, his demons, and everything you welcomed all that inside your heart because it hurted, as much as what you’ve been through. He wouldn’t drop the words from his mouth, but standing close, talking, and sharing your past in random night conversations had certainly done something for him, and you were starting to get used to it. To know he was improving because of you. Now, nothing didn’t matter. Your wound? Better than ever. You had worse anyway. It was just the blind loathing taking care of your actions and your feelings.

And Ben, on the other hand, had the slight chance you’d be liking him more now. He noticed your heartbeat dropping from the ridiculous high rate when you saw Hughie to a normal one. Instead, he felt yours rising a little when he was near. Just like in this moment, sitting together by the desk. He could feel your thigh against his own, the personal space not being a nuisance anymore for you. And he longed for it more than ever. He liked you since the day he saw you, but the circumstances and the events that life had presented to both of you made everything twice as hard. Until now.

You dropped your shoulders and sighed, trying to relax. “I guess we do. But you’re still being watched. We can’t risk it.”

He lifted a brow, surprised by your words. “Are you worried about me?”

All you could do was shrug. “I— I don’t know. I mean, uhm, how are you ever going back there?”

“Y/N,” Ben called you softly, his rough hand cupping your cheek. “I have things to do and speak to some people for the last time and finish one last personal mission. So don’t try to stop me.”

“But then what?” you mumbled, leaning against his touch.

“I sneaked before in this stupid century without knowing anything. I can do it again,” he said, as if promising something.

But you couldn’t get it clear when he leaned towards you, his lips so close to yours. In that moment, you wanted to taste them, to throw yourself at him after denying your body and mind for so long. He was the one you wanted in the end. Not Hughie, not anyone. Ben showed you the worst of him, as much as his best. You couldn’t withhold the need in your heart to say you liked him, or maybe more than that. An idiot and all he was, but you were far beyond perfect too, and it was fine.

“Ben, if you’re trying to tell me anything, just say it…”

And instead of saying, he showed you. Lips went against yours softer than you expected, as he began pulling you against him. You closed your eyes, letting him guide the kiss smoothly. The taste of his last shot of alcohol filled your senses, his beard scratching you a little, losing yourself as his other hand tangled lovingly in your hair. For the first time, you breathed the same air and the tight knot in your chest blew up, finally giving in one of the things you also were most afraid of. But you both already had a broken heart before. Feeling him was worth the shot.

“What does this mean?” you whispered once the kiss was broken.

He softly caressed your cheeks with his thumbs, and you finally could read his face. It was affection and it made your heart clench.

“That I want you to try this, to try us.”

All you could do was nod, speechless. He kissed you again, a little impatient this time and you moaned against his mouth. Ben picked you up effortlessly and sat you down on the empty side of the desk, his hands wandering on your skin as your fingers scratched his arms, pulling him closer until you were chest to chest. That night you had the place to yourselves, so he took sweet time with you, worshiping your body like no one ever had, and you fell harder each time he brought you to the sweet edge until his name was the only thing in your mind. You knew escaping together after the whole shitty circus of Vought ended would be like the best honey you ever tasted.

THE END.

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[echowithpain]

I just woke up so I'm still a little loopy and was scrolling through Tumblr and saw this post and it made me think of that time Maddie and Chim invited Buck and Josh to dinner at Chim's old apartment and Josh said if he didn't know any better, he'd think Maddie was setting them up. And honestly??? That actually would've been really fucking cute???

Can you imagine if Buck and Josh had started dating??? Buck going to the call center and using the excuse to see Maddie and take her to lunch only to "accidentally" run into his boyfriend and starting a happy flustered conversation with him before he has to go back to work. Oh my god I can actually see it so clearly:

Maddie’s typing away on her computer and glances up, looking over her monitor and seeing Buck in his civies walking through the door (cause he's all legs lol) and she stands up and goes over to him asking,

"Hey, what’s going on?"

And he's like "Nothing! I just thought I'd come by and treat you to some lunch." all while doing that thing he does with his hands and looking around the room trying to be casual about it.

And Maddie’s like, "Uh huh. So there's no other reason you could possibly think of that would bring you down here?"

And as Buck’s about to deny it then Josh walks over, having just finished a call and he sees him and is like, "Buck?"

And Buck perks up and turns to face him and is like, "Josh! Hey!"

And Josh is like, "Hey, good to see you. What are you doing here?"

And Buck starts explaining, "Oh, you know. I just came down here to see if... Maddie, wanted to grab some lunch with me. Y'know with the heatwave, people are probably going crazy out there." all while Maddie’s playfully rolling her eyes

And Josh of course finds this amusing and is playing along and starts telling him about a few calls they took, and Buck would be happily listening and nodding along and even giving a few comments here or there before Josh finally tells him, "Yeah, it's been a day. While it's finally slowed down, we're still a bit busy. But don't worry, I can cover for 'Maddie' until she gets back from her lunch break." While nodding at Maddie

And Buck would be like, "Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, I should uh, let you get back to work."

And Josh would go, "Yeah, probably. See you later, Buck." and give him a wink while walking off and taking another call "911 what's your emergency?" all while Buck's watching him go with his big puppy eyes

And then Maddie would put her hand on his shoulder, getting his attention, and be like, "Hey. I know you're just using me as an excuse so you can come down here and talk to Josh in person, but I just want you to know... I'm holding you to treating me to lunch today."

And Buck would be like, "Yeah yeah, okay." and give a final look at Josh while Maddie’s laughing and getting her things and then they leave.

CAN YOU IMAGINE????? 🤩💖🤩💖🤩

Oh my god this started out as a sleepy ramble that turned into writing fanfiction and me actually getting upset over what could've been. Seriously think about it!

Buck and Josh are already good friends. If they started dating we could've gotten:

more Buckley siblings interactions

more scenes of the call center

more Josh, Linda, and Sue

Eddie and Josh "conflict/rivalry" (im still tired so idk the right word but I'm talking about when Eddie worked at dispatch and took over the call with the speed reference and Josh stepped up afterwards with the "You're a guest in this house" and how Eddie threw that line back at him when the place caught fire. Ever since, I like to think they have unserious beef, every now and then trying to one-up each other lol)

Buck constantly using Maddie as an excuse to visit the call center to see Josh until he's able to work up the courage to go up to him on Maddie’s day off and ask him out on a date (this could've been so fucking cute holy shit)

It could show a bi man and a gay man going out with each other and having fun and good chemistry, but ultimately deciding to break up and still remain good friends afterwards

HELL!!! YOU COULD EVEN HAVE JOSH BE THE ONE TO POINT OUT THAT BUCK IS IN LOVE WITH EDDIE AND HELP HIM REALIZE HE ACTUALLY HAS FEELSINGS FOR HIS BEST FRIEND AND HOW TO SORT THOSE FEELINGS OUT!!!

Honestly, fuck Tommy for leaving Buck on their first date. Josh would've understood Buck’s panic because he's been in Buck's shoes. Also knowing Buck and Eddie’s relationship, and how based on Buck’s reaction could piece together that he's not out to him yet, Josh could've played along and had a bit of banter with Eddie, and then reassure Buck that they would go at his pace, and NOT LEAVE HIM STANDING ALONE ON A STREET CORNER BECAUSE HE PANICKED WHEN HE SAW HIS BEST FRIEND WHILE OUT ON HIS FIRST DATE WITH A GUY!!!!

Damn, now I'm actually getting mad.

I've said before that I didn't like Tommy's character but accepted him as a way for the GA to get used to the idea of Buck being bi, but now I can't even say that anymore. Their scenes feel so awkward except for when they're making out, and they've only kissed twice, both kisses only to be establishing something. The first was to show the GA Buck was bi by having a guy kiss him and him liking it, and the second was to show the other characters he was bi by kissing a guy and getting soot on his mouth from it.

While I know they were gonna do the bi Buck storyline this season, I do think Tommy was shoehored in it. They originally said the person flying the helicopter to find the cruise ship was gonna be Lucy (miss her) but they couldn't get her actress because of scheduling conflicts or something, so they got Tommy and made him a pilot instead. I'm almost certain if they were able to get Lucy's character to fly the helicopter, Tommy wouldn't be here.

Josh actually would've been a great bi realization for Buck as well as a great first boyfriend. I've already listed reasons above but here's some more:

The GA already knows who Josh is and know that he's gay

He's an established character people already like

He's actually nice and funny but can be firm when he needs to be

He's really smart and is skilled at what he does (need I remind you of when Sue got hit by that car and he lead the police through a freaking maze with no helicopter support. bro's a badass!)

He's shown to be friends with the main cast (they all know and like him (except maybe Eddie lmao))

We already know part of his backstory (why he joined the call center and how he met Sue)

He can be vulnerable and cares about his friends

He's not above pulling pranks/getting pranked (when Linda and Maddie tried to make his schedule crazy cause he kept giving himself time off whenever there was a full moon, and he found out but let them think he didn't know until he tricked them into confessing)

Josh deserves to go on a date with a guy without getting beat up halfway through (still pissed about that storyline)

I could go on and on but I'd get even more upset and I've got shit to do today. So I'll leave you with this:

Fuck Tommy, Josh would've been a better choice

Oh, one more thing. For the people who are inevitably gonna bring up Carson or whoever it was and say Josh is dating him, we don't know for a fact if they're dating or not. Josh asked Sue if they do background checks for people working for them (again fuck that storyline) and when she said yes he went over to the ambulance and they have a small talk. We never see him again lmao. For all we know, they could've dated and broken up by now, or Josh could've asked him out and he kindly turns him down. We don't know cause we haven't seen him, and I'm not gonna argue with people who's main complaint is "What about that one guy Josh liked in season 5 that we haven't seen since that one episode?"

Shush and think about how cute Buck and Josh would be.

[hehey9098]

Loving you to death

Hey, I’m new in Tumblr.My second language is english, i hope my writing is good.It's a bit of a dark story, but I hope you enjoy it.

I remember when you were chubby, just chubby. When you could still walk and get out of bed, when you woke up and looked at me and told me it was the best for you. But everything took a 360 degree turn when you, the usual fat man… became motionless.

————————————————————————————————

“Honey, I'm just worried,” you told me, almost stopping eating. “My chest hurts lately, you know?”

“Yes I know, I think it's because of your fat family… with their heart problems and all that”

“Do you think I should visit the hospital? I mean, I used to leave the house, but now…”

“Oh fat man, we already talked about this, do you want people to see you like that? With your fat belly hanging out and your huge, greasy cheeks” - I scoffed a little - “how do I put you in the wheelchair?”

“You're right, you're the only one who really loves me,” her eyes were wet. “But you always leave the house and I'm scared.”

“Afraid of what?” “Are you afraid of running out of food while I'm not home?” I laughed out loud and he just looked at me sadly.

“No, you know what happens to fat people like me… heart attacks, cardiac arrests”- he said almost crying- “I don't want to die yet my love, I want to stay with you”

“What do you mean? You will stop eating for fear of death” - I walked away from his body - “You with your nonsense, I will be happy with you if you continue eating”

“Yes honey, I am gaining weight and I will continue to do so… we have our goal, right? I'll reach 450 kilos like you want,” he tried to smile but he seemed scared.

“Of course you'll keep swallowing if that's what you do all day,” I told him as he squished his cheeks. “Also, little one, why don’t we eat pizza?”

I fed him day after day, more and more each day, but there came a point where I stopped feeling love for him. I always wanted Agus to be eating, every part of him excited me… but only excitement without love. That night while we were in bed, I noticed him agitated.

-Rubí, I can't breathe- she was extremely agitated, but she was already prepared- Rubí, help me.

I hooked him up to an oxygen tank instantly, it was about time… I found it quite strange that he hadn't needed it before.

“Ruby, I'm hungry, please feed me,” he pleaded as she clutched her stomach.

“You already swallowed 8 minutes ago, I won't give you any more food” I feigned annoyance “Besides, pigs don't talk and you're just my pig”

“Ruby” He said with tears in her eyes. “Can I go to a hospital?” I'm not going to live anymore and you know it”

“You never know when our death will be, stop being an idiot” I sighed Stop talking, now I will feed you… I want to see how your fat expands

“Rubí, you only wanted me for your satisfaction” he closed his eyes and cried again “why can't you love me? I thought you wanted us to spend a life together”

“Agus, for me right now it's easier to see you as a pile of fat just to satisfy me” I said smiling.

“I thought you loved me too, I will be fat…maybe my heart has filled with fat and my blood has sugar because of my irresponsibility with my diet, but I have feelings and you played with my life and my health”

“You are my pig, I will not leave you in a hospital… the day you die will be when you eat your last bite”

“Rubí my love… I am your prisoner, at least love me in this time that you have left with me” I sigh tiredly

“Agus, I can't love a pig like you”

Rolls and rolls of butter piled up on the bed, her fat arms and deformed legs… his cheeks were big and she was constantly sweating even though she did nothing. He had a sad look and I know that his health was in danger, while he was sleeping one night I took blood samples and understood about his diabetes, hypertension and other problems.

That night Agus had headaches and again clutched his heaving chest. He was eating hamburgers while he told me nice things and that he loved me. I looked at him with guilt for not taking him to the hospital, but I didn't want a diet for him, I just wanted him to gain weight so his face would be full of fat. I didn't think he really loved me until that damn night.

"Rubí, what do you think… if we have a romantic date at home," he told me with a small smile on his face. "Like when we were young."

“A date, huh? With wine and food for both of us?” I said taking him by the hand -“The two of us eating at the table? Fat man, you are immobile

“But with luck we can both be at the table, with your help and that of the firefighters” his eyes were hopeful “Plus it would be nice to have a date with candles and that”

“Of course, while stuffing yourself with food? I would be embarrassed if the strong, sexy firefighters saw me with a motionless pig.” I looked him into his eyes. “Can you imagine what they would say: “poor woman living with a disgusting pig who doesn't even know how to bathe.”

Agus looked down and I realized that I made him feel bad for my comments. I grabbed him by the chin and told him to look me in the eyes. His teary eyes broke me.

“Honey, I'm disgusting, right? You always have to humiliate me, I don't like it when you do it. Because I treat you like a goddess and you just make fun of me.”

“Oh come on, I was just joking” I smiled “You're not going to feel bad just because of some comments…”

“The comments are always there. You always humiliate me. Like when you told your friends: "He's very fat and I feel sorry for him," he wiped away his tears.

I left the room, I hate when Agus gets so dramatic. I don't have time for that sentimental shit.

August:

It was a bleak afternoon at home, my wife was at work, but I had a surprise for her. I put on my new shirt with tie and shorts… I felt agitated again, but it was worth it. I left the Chinese food that was our favorite on the bed and bought some candles and wine. I even combed my hair and shaved, I wanted him to realize when he arrived that I'm not disgusting and I try to do everything possible to make him notice me like before.

The door opened and she entered the room, I was very nervous and scared. She looked at me and sat on the bed without saying anything.

"Why are you doing this?" She said with disgust: "I'm tired, take this off the bed and let me sleep."

"Oh come on, don't play hard to get," I smiled. "He's from your favorite restaurant and do you notice anything different about me?"

"Maybe we can enjoy the food," she said, tasting it. "You look good little pig, what I said on Thursday about you being disgusting isn't true."

I knew that Rubí did not take care of my health, she only felt excited by my body and although what she told me hurt me… I had to accept it. I, however, loved her too much and she knew it, he was still the same shy, polite and romantic boy. I remember that when we were teenagers she would go on weekends to talk to her father to let her go out with me.

“What's wrong my fat man?” She took my hand. "What are you thinking?" “She said,” she said, wiping a tear from my fat cheek.

"You were my first love and you will be the only one I will always have" I sighed "We have been through so much… I want to stay with you forever."

“I know, but I don't want you to lose weight… if I take you to the hospital, the first thing they will put you on will be a diet.”

“I can die and you act like you don't care about my death.” I felt hurt at that moment and cried harder. “Rubí… when was the last time you told me 'I love you'?”

“I don't know, it was a long time ago” she drank some wine.

"I know, it's been a long time since you kissed my lips" I looked down. “It's been a long time since you hugged me.

I approached my wife and kissed her, she followed me. When she ended the kiss I moved again, I blushed… I had no idea why. I looked at her a little longer and prepared to hug her as she told her that she loved her. We drank wine and I was satisfied with the food, I put my chubby hand on my stomach.

That night she hugged me, she pampered me and above all she fed me but my body couldn't resist. My heart that always beat for her, stopped doing so. Some doctors said it was because of a diabetic coma and others because my heart was no longer working well. But Rubí knows that before she died she told him one last “I love you.”

💕💕

Story I wrote months ago, I guess I got bored and just put words. As a good FFA that I am, I write about the best thing that exists: “Fat men so greedy that they eat until they die”

[irlvelvette]

u should doooo bunny!reader x vox 🤭🔮

🔮anon is coming for everyone atp but i have the most perfect idea for this one !!

warnings: bunny!reader is sensitive, vox . . . is not the most reliable with being nice 24/7, not proofread, vox refers to reader as baby, valentino is his own warning, bunny is short as hell

“i’m just saying that the little conejita would make a ton of money” vox just blinked at valentino after that sentence. you were sitting on vox’s lap during one of the vee’s meetings. you didn’t much care for the conversations and you didn’t really pay attention to half the things they said. then again vox also distracted you anyway he could especially because when velvette was late, like today, valentino’s attention always was turned to you.

“you’re not making my girlfriend a porn star val.” your boyfriend sighed, you barely were able to be within a couple feet of valentino let alone be able to work with him. especially due to the fact that if you weren’t currently sitting on your boyfriends lap you would probably be freaking out over the fact you’re even in the same room as valentino.

valentino got up and moved from his seat on the other side of the board room table to one next to you and vox. he leaned over so he could be eye level with you, taking your attention away from whatever movie vox put on your phone to entertain you. “conejita, wouldn’t you like to be a star?” you just stared back at the moth before turning your gaze to vox which caused valentino to let out a sigh.

“see! she won’t even answer me she’s too worried about what her little boyfriend wants to answer” vox let out a sigh at this. “val. i don’t control her.” valentino thought for a moment before sitting back up and smirking at vox. “then hand her over. she obviously won’t answer without your opinion if she’s still with you.” vox rolled his eyes before sighing again. “val-” the moth immediately cut him off. “vox you know i’m right.”

vox made eye contact with you as you were still staring at him before picking you up and putting you on valentino’s lap which immediately caused you to reach back out for vox. valentino used one set of hands to move you so you looked at him and another set to hold your hips. “look at me little conejita.”

you looked at valentino, but not for long as your vision started to get blurry due to tears welling up in your eyes. valentino sighed “i forgot how much of a cry baby this little conejita is.” he picked you up and set u down on your feet right in front of vox. who expected you to immediately climb back onto his lap for comfort. but to his surprise when he reached out to you he was met with the sound of a thump.

vox did research on bunnies when he first started going out with you. one of the main things he learned is that when a bunny thumps it’s basically a big “fuck you”. he was glad you never did it to him before so you can imagine his surprise when you thump at him for the first time.

“baby.” your boyfriend said lowly. valentino pissed him off half the time to begin with, but now you thumping at him too? he tried to remain calm but his patience was thinning. “the little conejita has never thumped at me.” he was right, you never would dare thump at valentino, he scared you too much. vox scared you at times too, but you were still upset about him just giving you to valentino that you thumped at him again.

vox didn’t know what to do at this point, you were usually his well behaved little bunny that usually never caused trouble, he’s only needed to punish you once and that’s because he had caught you chatting with the radio demon. so he was quite surprised to see his baby bunny thumping at him. especially when he’s trying to calm down the crying that was still coming from you.

he took a deep breath before picking up your much smaller figure and bringing you back onto his lap. “hey.” he said in a stern but still comforting tone, it wasn’t until he noticed you not paying any attention to him that he got a little louder. “hey!” you immediately looked up at him sniffling.

he sighed before looking over at his business partner and signaling him to leave. “i’m trying to be nice to you here baby, but you’re making it hard when you’re not even paying attention to me.” he said it in his more comforting tone trying not to work you up more as he hates the sight of you crying. “what’s with the thumping? you don’t do that with me i thought?”

you shook your head trying to wipe away your tears but more just came flooding down afterwards “you gave me to valentino. i don’t like valentino.” he let out another sigh before kissing your forehead and pulling you into him. “i know baby, but the thumping is not okay. not with me okay? you wanna thump you can thump at valentino all you want.”

you shook your head again, why couldn’t he understand you were scared and he gave you to the reason you were so scared? vox stood up and set you down next to his chair. you looked up at him confused before you heard a thump. which caused you to just stand there confused.

“see baby? it’s not so fun to be thumped at hmm?” you shook your head at his comment immediately moving to try and get comfort again. grabbing onto his waist as it was level to your chest due to the height difference. vox sat back down and pulled you back onto his lap. “we done thumping now?” you nodded and vox immediately pulled you closer so that your head laid against his chest. “good because i have to deal with valentino being pissy all the time i don’t need my baby thumping at me all the time to add onto that.”

[3-2-whump]

(Re)Living a Nightmare, part 3

<prev

Well, you made it this far, so I guess I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Heed the tags, decide for yourself.

Basic Summary if You Decide to Skip, or if You Skipped the Previous Installments

Thanks goes out to @whumped-by-glitter my beta reader and angst advisor for helping me out when I got stuck on this one!

TW/CW: blood (lots of it), rape/noncon aftermath, hypovolemic shock, medical whump, stitches (not described in detail), emotional whump, guilty whumper, whumper grows a conscience (?)

Thomas stared at his bloodied hands, at the bloodied knife, at the mess of reopened scars on Khaled’s bloody back below him. The air stank heavily of blood like a slaughter house, and the only audible sound was a faint yet desperate murmuring. “I didn’t kill him…I didn’t kill him…I didn’t kill him…”

What have I done?

The knife fell to the floor with a clatter as Thomas quickly untied Khaled’s hands. He rolled the boy onto his side, unsticking his front from the cooling blood that had pooled between him and the table top.  The small, broken body felt unusually cold under his hands. “Boy, hey –Khaled?” He pulled the torn strip of t-shirt away from his neck and ripped off the blindfold to see glassy, unfocused, tear-reddened eyes. “Khaled, talk to me,” Thomas begged. He raised a hand to lightly slap the boy’s cheek, but lowered it when he saw his lower face painted in blood, saliva, snot, and tears. The dainty golden septum ring in his broken nose gleamed an accusatory red under the cellar lights.

“I didn’t kill him…I didn’t kill him…” Khaled murmured through a ruined throat.

“I know, I know, shh, shh, I know,” Thomas whispered. Of course, Khaled didn’t kill his squad or his brother, and neither did that kid. And he was so close to repeating history and murdering another innocent boy –Thomas thought he would be sick.

“I didn’t kill him…” Khaled whimpered.

“I know you didn’t kill him,” Thomas replied, his own voice becoming gravelly with emotion. He fumbled for his cellphone, disregarding the bloodstains he would get on his clothes by digging through his pockets. Once he found it, he scrolled to a familiar name in his contacts and pressed ‘call.’

Lenore picked up after only two rings, answering with a brusque greeting. “What?”

“Don’t ask too many questions, but do you have any openings at your clinic right now?” Thomas asked, trying to keep his composure as he talked. “It’s Khaled, I think I hurt him bad.”

A static-laced sigh, then a response. “You know the only questions I ask clients are medically related ones. Now, what are we dealing with here?”

“Um, blood loss –like, a lot of blood loss,” Thomas felt the need to clarify. He took a steadying breath before listing off the rest of the injuries.  “Deep lacerations, broken nose,” –his eyes wandered down to the blood trickling out of Khaled’s hole – “nothing too obvious after that, from the looks of it.”

“How is his heart rate? His breathing?” Lenore asked, before directing, “Look at his tongue, the area under his eyes, his skin, do they look pale to you?”

Thomas took the time to check these things, ever more concerned at how limply Khaled accepted his touches. He still had that distant look in his eyes, and even though no sound came out, his pale lips still formed the words ‘I didn’t kill him’ over and over.

Thomas readdressed the doctor. “His heart rate is fast, his breathing is too, and yeah, he is very pale all over. Should I bring him to you?”

“No,” she answered. “I’m gonna call you an ambulance, it’ll be quicker.”

Thomas sighed. He cast a worried glance at the catatonic boy lying on the table. He’d rather not get any of the local hospitals involved, but Lenore said it would be quicker, which meant they were on a time sensitive crunch. Did he really hurt the kid that badly?

“Thomas!”

He was not aware she was speaking to him. “S-sorry, what?” he mumbled into the phone.

“Where are you located?” she repeated.

“At the old house, you know the one.” He listed off the address for her in case she did not. As soon as she hung up with a promise to call an ambulance, he put his phone back in his pocket and refocused his attentions on the boy. Khaled had stopped muttering, at least, and now he slumped against the table as his eyelids began to droop closed.

“Oh, baby –come here.” The boss shed his coat and draped it over the boy’s sliced-up back. It was already ruined with blood stains anyway; what were a few more? Now with his wounds covered, Thomas scooped Khaled into his arms and carried him up the stairs, far away from the T & I cellar that would spark too many unwanted questions from the EMTs.

-

“And you’re saying… a ‘mountain bike accident’ caused this?”

Med student Vikash Gill received a reprimanding side-eye from his supervisor, who was obviously not happy with his tone. But what Vik was unhappy about was this young man, coming in stark naked with a bloodied face and a back carved open like a Thanksgiving turkey, and this older man, who obviously looked like he had money and power and some sort of relationship with the patient.

“He crashed his bike, in the mountains,” the older man repeated, his tone clipped and concise.

The young man beside him remained silent, hardly even acknowledging his surroundings. Something was wrong with this picture… Vik lowered his skeptical gaze back to his chart again. “Well, it seems the EMTs already gave him a transfusion, reset his broken nose, and stopped the major wounds from bleeding on the way here,” he assessed, “so it looks like we’ll just have to give him some stitches. May I confer with my supervisor for a minute?”

The man waved him off, which was all the permission Vikash needed to disappear outside the examination room and discuss what he had just seen.

Dr. Helen Kimura commanded a powerful air of authority, despite only standing as high as her young student’s chest. “What was that?” she demanded, squinting up at him through her glasses. Vik had to swallow down his instant defense mechanism; he felt like he was being scolded by his mother. “You know we don’t use that kind of tone with our patients!”

“You and I also know that no ‘biking accident’ caused those injuries!” Vikash argued. “Didn’t you see those bruises? What kind of ‘biking accident’ causes bruises like those?!”

Dr. Kimura rubbed her brow as she took a breath to compose herself. “Look, you’re new to this city, Vik, so I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt that you don’t know who that man is,” she began, “but that man in there –that’s Thomas Costa. You know, of the insurance group? The guy that owns like a third of this city? Big time philanthropist, donates his massive fortune to the arts and sciences and medicine.” She paused, eyebrows raised, waiting for her young pupil to catch the drift.

Whether Vik didn’t catch it, or just didn’t care, he bullheadedly continued. “But, we have to do something,” he insisted with conviction, “we’re-”

“We are doctors, not detectives,” Kimura interrupted, an authoritative finality in her words. “You want to do something? You patch that kid up, along with all Costa’s other men, and you send them on their way, no questions asked!”

A hint of fear flickered behind his supervisor’s eyes. Vik gulped nervously, casting a glance at the examination room they just left. “How much did he donate to this hospital?” he whispered.

Kimura refused to answer.

-

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as Thomas watched the med student stitch up Khaled’s back. All this time waiting and watching left him alone with his thoughts, and his thoughts went to places he didn’t want them to go.

He lost himself back there, lost control –no, that was just an excuse. He wanted to lose himself, wanted to pin everything on that boy, but Khaled had nothing to do with it. Admittedly, it felt good to take out all that pent-up emotion, all that grief, anger, and despair, to finally channel all that toxicity and pain out from himself and dump it somewhere else –onto someone else.

He glanced at the boy he had bought nearly seven years ago. He remembered the scared child who could barely look him in the eyes. Now, nearly seven years later, the boy stared tiredly at him through tear-stained eyes. It seemed the child was right to fear him in the past, considering how close he came to killing him in the present.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas murmured. He reached over to hold Khaled’s hands in his. The rope burns brought unnecessary attention to the tattoos on his boy’s wrists, lining the black bands top to bottom with angry red chafe marks. Khaled made no effort to pull his hands away as a pair of dark eyes stared into his, uncertain and guarded behind their lashes. He cringed a little, sensing only a fraction of the damage he’d done to his key to redemption, not just this one time, but over years and years of using the boy as a punching bag and a fleshlight.  “I am so, so sorry,” he repeated, a little louder.

“You’re sorry?” Khaled hollowly repeated. A rough, scratchy sound scraped out of the boy’s ruined throat. Even the act of laughing sounded painful for him. “Did you smash my head against the table harder than I’d realized? Since when do you apologize, Master?”

Over his shoulder, the med student’s eyes widened a hair as he determinedly continued his work behind them. Thomas had to regain control of the situation, spin the narrative. “I owe you a much more specific apology when we get home, I’ll admit,” he replied, hinting at the unsuspecting stranger patching up the boy’s back. “But for now, all I’ll say is that I went too far. I realize that now, and for that, I am sorry.”

Khaled gave him a skeptical frown, but remained silent. His thinking face was on, with his eyebrows drawn and his eyes slightly narrowed, chewing his lower lip subtly between his teeth. The young med student behind him had finally finished the stitches and applied the new gauze. He rattled off a list of care tips and recommendations to follow to take care of the wounds and prevent complications before hurriedly leaving the two alone. Thomas lifted Khaled off the table and helped him change into the spare clothes the hospital had on hand for emergencies. “Can I, um, get you anything?” he asked awkwardly, finally pulling the ugly secondhand sweater over Khaled’s bandaged torso.

The boy finally answered after a thoughtful moment. “…Nico…”

The gate guard? Thomas wondered. Honestly, not how he expected the boy to answer that question at all. He then felt a slight pang of guilt when he remembered Nico was the only friend his slave ever had. “You want to see your friend again?”

A small nod.

“Yeah, sure,” he shrugged, “I’m sure I could make that happen.”And even though he had no reason to lean on him of all people, Khaled leaned onto the boss’ arm, resting his head on his shoulder as Thomas led them out.

Le Tag List: @kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee @generic-whumperz @bamber344 @there-will-always-be-blood

[cottoncandyswisherz]

psycho hoe

all the chapters will have the same pics of her in the pool and him in the wife beater. they have nothing to do with the contents of the chapter itself im just a lazy bum

also layla not gon be here long so im not boutta find sb to be fer face claim

chris x dealer!oc

warnings: toxic relationship (not with tasia), swearing, mentions of sex

chris hated cursing at women. he strongly believed in the difference between cursing with women in casual conversation and cursing at them in order to refrain from driving his fist into the wall.

"you're so stupid! you sit there and smile at the camera and roll your eyes in that way that all these BITCHES go crazy over and then you just sit there all day and do NOTHING while there are other women who want what i have!" his girlfriend of 4 months, layla, was droning on about his fans or whatever the fuck. "look at this!" she shoved her phone in his face. he leaned back and ran his hand over his freshly shaved jaw. "they're literally mocking me on the internet. they made a COMPILAT-"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" chris was at his breaking point. "first of fucking all, our fans are literally teenagers. 15 year old girls. i want them just as much as nick wants a girlfriend. second, i told you this would happen. maybe if you weren't such a fucking idiot and didn't FORCE me to tell them that we were together, you wouldn't have gotten your feelings hurt." he watched the tears well in her eyes and thought how he couldn't give less of a fuck.

he sighed and began to speak as non-chalantly as possible. "if you're gonna do the whole manipulative 'you hurt my feelings' shit you can go. you literally just called me stupid, after whining about how literal high schoolers are making fun of you. you're nineteen years old. grow up and get over it."

"fuck you chris." she sniffled and gathered her things, and marched (literally marched) to the front door.

with that chris got up and walked towards nicks room. nick always knew what to do in these situations. but when chris entered his brothers room, he heard a female giggle. it wasn't madi's or anyone else he'd recognize.

"hold on chris just walked in." nick set his phone face down and looked to his brother with a 'what's up' look on his face.

"who're you on the phone with?" chris questioned.

"tasia." nick answered with a shrug. "you remember her right? from the party last week?"

do i remember her? chris thought to himself. i fucking wish i could forget her.

"oh yeah." chris played his fascination off. "hey tasia!" he called out, then returned his attention to his brother. "i need to talk to you."

"oh shit." nick picked his phone up and told tasia he had to go and hung up. now all his attention was on chris. "shoot."

"so layla-"

nick interrupted chris with a groan "this bitch again?"

"shut up. anyway. layla was bitching about how the fans are picking on her and how they make edits of me or whatever and i was sitting there listening to it because i don't really care. the fans are gonna do what they want regardless of what we say."

"right." nick agreed.

"right. so i was just sitting there thinking about whatever when she shoved her phone in my face. and that's when i got pissed off."

"you should have bitch slapped her to mars." nick said.

"nick. come on bro." chris laughed and continued. "so i yelled at her told her that this was on her because i told her that this would happen. and how stupid it was to be jealous of kids. and she started crying like she always does. and i kind of felt bad but then i remember what you told me about manipulation and things like that so i told her to leave."

"i just wanna say that i've been told you that i hate her and that she's psycho." nick began his speech with an i told you so. "anyway. i would tell you drop her dumb ass but i know you're not gonna do that. so my official advice is to to call her in the morning and just talk to her. tell her that the fans are gonna do and say whatever comes to their heads and to not listen to them because they have nothing to do with how you feel about her."

chris thought the situation over and decided that nicks advice was probably the safest option.

chris lay in matts bed, who was sound asleep beside him. he stared at his girlfriends contact. he hated this shit. but it was what it was and he had to do what he had to do.

he tapped the call button and place the phone to his ear.

"hello?" chris couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes at the sound of his girlfriends voice. it was ridden in fake heartbreak and phony sorrow.

"hey." was all he could muster up in response. 

"chris, baby. are you still mad?"  

"baby?" chris mouthed and shook his head. he physically could not do this so early in the morning. "no lay, im not mad."

"good. can i come over? i wanna talk this out with you. i hate it when we fight." 

"then maybe shut the fuck up sometimes." is what chris wanted to say. instead he said. "yeah i wanna talk too. but come later tonight at like 6. nick wants me and matt to go with him to run some errands"

"of course baby. i love you."

"i know."

"byeeee" chris ended the call before he could here the smooching sound she always made when they got off the phone. 

now you're probably thinking, "why does young christopher stay with this woman when he so obviously is annoyed by her existence?" and the answer to that is, he didn't want to deal with the drama he knew she would start on the internet. 

had layla not made him hard launch their relationship after a month of being official, he'd have no issue cutting ties with her. but she put the pussy on him and before the post-nut clarity kicked in, she asked and he agreed like a dummy. 

you're also probably thinking, "why did he get with her in the first place?" and the answer to that is layla is a great actress. oscar worthy honestly. she seemed like a semi-normal person. she made him laugh, she was a good fuck, and she kept him from sleeping until 2 pm. and that was enough for him. he didn't love her or anything but he used to like her. 

now the sound of her name brought dread into his heart. but chris was nothing if not self-preservative. so hes gonna ride this shit out until he has no choice but to end it. 

chris was drawn out of his thoughts by his second oldest brother bursting through the cracked door. "matt, chris get the fuck out of bed. i have to go to target, then return shit to tasia, and then i gotta take pictures for fucking instagram. and we need more pictures for this weeks photo dump because so far all we have is two and theyre both of chris so..."

"are you done?" chris asked. "all you had to say was you were ready to go."

"fuck off. come on its already 10." nick responded by picking up mr. wrinkleton and chucking him at matts head. "matt, get up!"

"HEY! don't do that shit again." matt shouted at his brother, who was already on his way out the door.

niyah speaks💗 okay this is the second chapter im posting tonight. imma do one more because i just want yall to get the vibe of the series then imma post like every few days. i really dont know but ik i had these chapters ready for today so yall gonna get them today.

remember that if no one loves you, mommy loves you (and by mommy i mean me)

taglist: @liafilmed

[arodrwho]

also GOD my BOSS wants me to PRESENT SOMETHING during a MEETING as a stupid STRETCH GOAL. like ma'am. please. i'm dying here

[gideonisms]

grits teeth this anxiety is just an excuse to treat myself better that's all this is telling me. It's just the sign to go on more walks and make myself my favorite tea and read more. Things that WILL feel good and luxurious so help me