#she wants me to lose weight more than anyone else in my life lol

[froggierboy]

next person to offer me unsolicited weight loss advice i fucking swear -

[tragedy-of-commons]

fuck it we ball. hsr prom date hcs because i am on something different tonight. based on my very limited experience.

dan heng

he's painfully awkward. like you expected it when you asked him to be your date but it's even worse than you predicted...

he DID pick you up and he WAS almost an hour early, causing you to rush down the stairs and almost trip (not very magical-teen-coming-of-age-moment-like of you). that kind of lightened the mood though.

also painfully sweet! upon your arrival he gives you a boutonniere/corsage that matches your outfit which he had managed to keep hidden. his sweaty palms were not just because he was nervous, then...

march helped him pick it out, he admits with red-tipped ears. that makes sense, because she was suspiciously interested in what you were wearing to the function.

but he did also forget to pick out one for him. oops.

during the slow dance bit, his hands are sweaty. you don't care because your eyes lock and there's the fuzziness curling in your gut that plagues you whenever you're with dan heng.

overall, a good experience! polite and always willing to humor your whims, even if he's a little stiff.

and if you peck him on the cheek after he walks you back to your doorstep, well, that's alright with him. more than alright.

black swan

life of the party. not in a screaming-getting-way-too-into-the-music kinda way, but in the way that everyone wants a sliver of her attention. she's always relaxed, interesting to talk to, and dreamy to boot! it wouldn't be any different at prom.

but black swan, above all else, wants to just... spend time with you. anyone that wants to chat can wait until later, when she's not watching you stuff snacks into your pockets with a fond look in her faraway eyes.

to commemorate the occasion, you're cajoled into the photobooth where you both hold up props and make funny faces for the camera. you know black swan doesn't cherish much above memories, even if they're immortalized in a gag reel where you're clad in silly-straw glasses and her in a purple mustache.

but in the last photo, right before the camera flashes, she sneaks a kiss on your cheek. your eyes are blown wide in surprise in the picture and that's her favorite part!

surprisingly adept at dancing. depending on your taste, she will either dip you dramatically and take the lead, or fall into your steps and try to make you feel more comfortable if you're nervous.

cherishes any memento from the event. she does the teasing, though, so don't get any ideas about poking fun at her for being sappy.

a great date, i dare say.

aventurine

it's a given that both of you look the best. dressed to the nines.

the whole thing is a bit sensationalized, though. mostly because he's used to everything being treated like a spectacle, aventurine tries his best (while looking like he isn't trying at all) to give you a good time.

his saving grace is that... he's here with you. everything is more enjoyable this way, even the distastefully loud music matches the pulse in his ears when he looks at y💥💥

his favorite part of the event, surprisingly, is when you ask him to ditch with you early. makes a little joke like "wow, are you having that bad of a time with me?" but there's a bit of weight behind it that you can sense. anyway, you answer by rolling your eyes and pulling him outside.

away from the noise, pretenses drop and You Hold His Hand, telling him that any time with him is a good time. but this is infinitely better, even if you're both just stood in the parking lot.

you both decide to stay a little longer. at the end of the night, the principal gets into one of those dunking booths for the children to throw balls at to get them dunked in water. aventurine bets you a date that he'll hit the target.

you know he'll win (his luck kind of scares you), so of course you take him up on that wager, very excited to lose. it's very sweet.

lol he does hit the target

you both are prom celebrities for the rest of the night with another date set in stone a week from now!

kafka

imo she would make the best date out of everyone on this list.

mostly because any outing with kafka is almost cataclysmic in its impact... starting when she pops over at your place to help you get ready! surprise!

zips you up/adjusts your lapels/make sure your makeup looks good/whatever is part of this whole routine for you. she does so while humming a dulcet tune. she wants to be involved with every aspect of your pivotal prom experience tbh. keen on making memories like black swan is, but the effort is unconscious.

also. since blade has his driver's license, she basically bribed him into being your chauffeur for the night. i think that'd be a fun detail.

if you suck at dancing, never fear, because she also isn't very good (or so she says, but she's kafka, so of course she makes it work).

is not opposed to silly photobooth pics but she'd rather have someone take a candid of you both together by persuading them nicely - more her speed.

her eyes are ENCHANTING in that dim lighting... i just know... you get so distracted that you trip over her feet. silver wolf, the resident DJ that the school hired, sees and laughs.

has that tattered jacket thrown over whatever she decides to wear. she drapes it over you if you get cold due to the weather or temperature inside of the building.

[suratan-zir]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by @vimpse. Thank you! <3

1. are you named after anyone?

Yes, after my great-grandmother, who died when I was a baby. When I turned 16, I also took my great-grandmothers last name, simply because I didn't want to carry my father's last name, and she had the most beautiful last name from my entire family.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Three days ago.

3. do you have kids?

No. I follow the philosophy of antinatalism. While I would love to have children, I believe it would be cruel, especially with my genetics. If I had a choice, I wouldn't want to be born, what if my child grows up and feels the same as I do now?

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

Probably.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

Never played any sports in my life. I have some breathing problems so physical activity is harder for me than for a healthy person, although I do fitness consistently (lifting and calisthenics) for the first time in my very unfit life. Funny enough, I have the war to thank for that. This winter, when we had blackouts, I was looking for something to do in the evenings, when it's dark, cold and dreary. I tried to do yoga for relaxation, but soon discovered just how weak I was. So I started to include more and more strength building exercises, HIIT workouts, until finally switching to lifting weights. It's amazing how much easier it is not to quit if your goal isn't to lose weight / get bigger butt or flatter stomach, but to get stronger and have fun. Modern society (yes, we're getting into the "society" talk) is trying to convince you, especially if you're a woman, that you should do fitness for looks. I'm sick of seeing all the female-oriented videos on youtube captioned like "get tOnEd muscles for the summer" or "burn belly fat in SEVEN DAYS" (it's impossible btw). Because god forbid you want to actually grow your muscles, not get them "toned", whatever that means. God forbid you want to become stronger or more flexible, not skinnier with a bigger butt. I've never been able to stick to a routine because I hate boring repetitive cardio, and it can be very disheartening to see no change on the scale when your only goal is to lose weight. So I thought I was just not a fitness kind of person. But when you feel your body getting stronger, when you realize that your progress depends only on your efforts, it becomes so exciting and fun.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Voice and smell. I'm autistic, so I almost never look in the face, but even when I do I usually don't register person's appearance very well. For example, I pass by my neighbors every day, but I have no idea what they look like, so I will never recognize them if we ran into each other somewhere else.

7. scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies, preferably with happy endings.

8. any special talents?

I'm very good at remembering song lyrics. And I can immediately think of a song for any situation, any prompt.

9. where were you born?

The most depressing town in Donetsk oblast, Ukraine.

10. what are your hobbies?

Maybe these are not really hobbies but - rats and video games. Also, walking around taking pictures of trees, sky and turtles. lol

11. do you have any pets?

I have two cats, a dog and six rats.

12. how tall are you?

173 cm (5.6)

13. fave subject in school?

Ukrainian and Biology

14. dream job?

None. Well, I would love to have a greenhouse and a small business of growing and selling houseplants.

15. eye colour?

Greyish-bluish-greenish something. Always green when I cry, for some reason.

Seems like everyone I know has already done this? :( Let's see...

@eulaliasims, @userdata, @ho3sferatu

[turquoisepearl]

Hello girl! How can we manifest new friendships group? I’m struggling to pick affirmations and I give up so quickly all the time. It’s so hard to affirm for something you don’t have..I’m so lonely it’s super hard to try to pretend to have them and when I do visualise I don’t see anyones faces too. I know the universe works in mysterious ways but I don’t have a social life to meet them is it still possible 😅

Hope you are doing well 🤍

Hi babe!!!

Of course it's possible 😌 everything is possible, only you set the boundaries!

I'm going to be honest: I used to be extremely lonely as well. I had friends but they weren't good friends by any means and after a lot of soul-searching I realised I had been identifying with a story that I was disposable and lonely. I still struggle with that story sometimes but now I have a lot of friends and people who genuinely appreciate my company :)

I'll take you through a short recap of stuff I did over the years to improve my self concept! Both techniques and non-LOA stuff! I'm starting with the general non-lawofassumption stuff 🤍

Learn to enjoy your own company! Think about it: If everyone is you pushed out, then how can people enjoy your company if not even you can? Do things you enjoy to do, get to know yourself, take yourself out on cute little dates (like going shopping or hiking). Even for your daily life: play music when you clean, have fun cooking, read books at night and find ways to enjoy waking up! Enjoy being yourself. It seems counterintuitive but this is such a gamechanger.

This is connected to the first point but building your confidence will not only draw other confident people in but will also make everyone else see you the way you see yourself. Start with your self concept: change the way you speak to yourself (rather than "oh I'm so fat" you simply say "I want to lose weight". Make it neutral), be kind and gentle with yourself and your emotions, get comfortable exploring your emotion (online CBT exercises and books helped me with this but you can journal for example). Don't seek external validation, the only validation you need is your own. Realise that YOU and ONLY YOU can decide who you are. I was abused my entire life and didn't get the chance to develop a self identity so I know how hard it can be but I truly mean it when I say that ONLY YOU has that power. No one else can come up to you and tell you who to be or identify as unless you give them that power (and I still struggle with this).

I got over my shyness and became more outgoing after I did all the above and this one thing: just put myself out there! How many times do you judge people when you go outside? And once you stop judging yourself, so do others. I literally had a guy (kind of my current sp 🙈) tell me he had never met anyone that had anything bad to say about me: because I don't do the same to myself. I pushed myself to meet new people and that made me realise that people are never as harsh as your inner critic is.

I would say the things I mentioned above are the most important things to do to really embody the state of someone who is confident, has lots of friends and is extremely magnetic to people!

Now for the law of assumption techniques:

This is a little bit embarassing LOL but when I do my makeup in the morning, I sometimes "hear" people talking about me in my head. Like I do auditory visualisations of people saying "oh my god, she's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen" or "she looks like an angel". This takes the awkwardness out of affirming for me since I too don't always feel it when I say "I am beautiful" or "I have friends". In your case you can just switch it up to something like hearing a person say "she's so genuine, I love spending time with her!". Overhearing it in your mind as if it's a memory makes it feel more real and helps you embody that state.

I have one affirmation that has worked great for me and its because it's something I truly do feel like is true. I say "I am a joy to be around" and envision people smiling around me, laughing at my jokes and enjoying being around me. The most important is that I really FEEL it. My current sp literally told me "I enjoy your company" and "I'm so grateful for you hanging out with me".

I sometimes struggle with visualising but I have had success with visualising hanging out with certain people (I guess non-romantic SPs). Like grabbing a beer or laughing with them. When visualising this I don't try to feel like what I'm visualising is actually happening irl, that has almost never worked for me. I just try feeling grateful for that person and their company.

When I was into crystals and new age stuff, I would do a morning meditation of me cleansing my energy and visualising an aura of love and joy around me. Like a golden bubble I carried around the whole day. I always had people compliment my energy and personality. This is just another way to get into that state!

I hope it helps! 🫶🏽❤️

[summertimeskinney]

lol just ranting

anyone else at the point where they are just maintaining even tho they arent even close to their ugw? bc im 130 rn and maintaining it but my ugw is at least 74/75 but im just at the point where im not always completely disgusted by my body because im looking at it more subjectively and i dont think i would look good skin and bone.. honestly i dont even know why im doing this anymore. Like i dont even remember why i started doing this in the first place. my hw was like 150-160 and the only reason i became aware of my weight was because authority figures in my life were pointing it out (according to my bmi i was only slightly overweight) I started losing weight rapidly in freshman year because i discovered proana and found a community of people who were in the same situation. and i was praised.. by everyone? i was starving, then i was binge/purging. how did i even end up like this? i mean ive never really had the best relationship with food but i was only overeating a bit. now i eat until i feel so sick that i puke or am in physical pain. i can make myself throw up on demand now? ive gone literal days without eating anything. like nothing at all besides diet soda, sugar free monster, and water. im at the point where my brain is in a constant battle between the decision to binge or starve. i'll just be minding my business than my brain will be like "if you were 80lbs it wouldn't be this way" or "you're so fat, it wouldn't even be hard to be 100lbs or less. like. what are you doing? why are you so heavy and gross?" it won't stop. and instead of starving like i used to i just binge, like all day. and i dont purge either.. i don't even know whats going on anymore. im not depressed like i used to be, but i can't get the thoughts out of my head. i guess you really are in it forever? i never really believed all the warning posts about how bad eds are and how you can never go back, or maybe i just ignored them. i cant even fathom what i really look like. i have body dysmorphia in all the ways. not only do i think that despite being 5' tall and 130 lbs i would fit into anything bigger than a small. i feel gross, but ik that when i go to the doctor she's going to say that i need to lose more weight because im 2 lbs from being in a normal bmi rage. despite my titties literally weighing almost 10lbs. but then i already have troubles fitting into clothes, most places don't carry more than a small or xs in person and almost never go over a small online. i am already an xs - small as an "overweight" person. I cant imagine how hard it would be to find clothes that actually fit me at 75 lbs soaking wet. i saw a video by jesse page today talking about how she always thought that to be a princess she had to be as delicate as possible and never take up space, but then how after gaining weight she fit her princess dresses better and relearned how to feel beautiful. i want to be a delicate little doll that you could toss around and never took up a whole seat. a pretty little doll that you had to be extra careful with because you didn't want me to break. ik its not good to feel this way but i can't change the temptation to forever be empty, live off candy and diet coke, and never eat real food again. to be more of an object than a human being. but then the logical side of my brain pipes in and is like hi, i dont care what i weigh but i want to have a strong healthy body with some good biceps. i dont know how to help myself or be normal.

anyways

im fasting n laxing tmrw bc i need a cleanse. lol bye

[jodilin65]

I got my lab results, and not surprisingly, many of the numbers aren't good. I suspected my TSH was elevated, and it turns out I was right. Fortunately, it's just barely into the double digits at 10.34. I'll start taking my multivitamins daily. The question is, what's responsible for that? Is it connected to my gastro issues or something else? It explains why I've had some hypo symptoms but not why I'm having trouble falling asleep or why my weight is down a few pounds. Maybe I'm starting to lose muscle now that I'm getting old.

Surprisingly, my T4 was never tested, but that's always been normal. Liver and kidney function are fine, but my RBC and hematocrit are up a bit. That's easily explainable by dehydration. Sometime after getting back from the lab yesterday, I became very lightheaded and my blood pressure crashed to 100/59 because I was dehydrated.

My glucose was 107, and I'm officially pre-diabetic with an A1C of 6.0. Tom was as high as 6.2, but he's been pre-diabetic for over a decade, so hopefully, neither one of us will actually cross over into being diabetic. I still prefer happiness over misery, but I'm going to do my best to find a good balance to help keep me out of the diabetic range without killing myself and feeling overly deprived of anything.

Weight loss is out of the question with the way I have to cut my calories so low to compensate for my thyroid issues, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life hungry, grumpy, and adding to my fatigue. But I can eat healthier and lessen my sugar intake. The thing is that I'm not that big, I already eat healthy most of the time, and get more than the recommended 150 minutes a week of exercise, so I know it's mostly a genetic thing. My mother had it, her father had it, my sister has it, and I'm sure there are others too. Skinny athletes can get diabetes. Still, I've got to try to get it under control because I know I wouldn't be able to tolerate diabetes medication. I'm way too prone to side effects for that. I've heard all kinds of nasty things about diabetes medication, so if I can barely tolerate medications that rarely give anyone trouble, I can just imagine what I would be in for on diabetes medication. So I'm not going to put myself out and make myself miserable, but I'm going to do what I can to improve my health, including going back to strength training a couple of times a week, even if that means I have to squeeze myself into a crowded lanai to get at the Bowflex in 90-degree weather.

Last but not least, my total cholesterol, LDL, and non-HDL were through the roof. I was surprised to find my triglycerides were normal.

While I'm on the subject of medical stuff, every now and then I look up the reviews on some of my old doctors out of curiosity. My old ENT, whom I loved so much, is still widely hated, LOL. One woman even claims she mishandled something when working on her daughter's tonsils, which left her unable to feel her lower lip, and how the doctor won't take responsibility for malpractice, etc. Others say she's not “warm and fuzzy.” LOL. She started off on the serious side with me but quickly became one of the most friendly and personable doctors I ever knew.

I got the incense sticks I ordered today, and I can't say I'm that impressed. They're so old and dry it's almost like they’re blank sticks. Some of them I can smell, but half of them just smell like smoke. I ordered some hand-dipped patchouli through Walmart. Haven't gotten the incense matches yet.

The safety pins didn't hold the sheet snug on the waterbed, so we ran the straps we were using before underneath the bed frame, and we'll see if that helps keep them a bit taut, though I don't think it will.

My lovable but naughty little rat pulled the eyelashes off one of Bailey's eyes, so now we're looking into a suitable glue so I can put new eyelashes on her. Tinkerbella loves climbing the closet shelves, and the doll was sitting on it. She could use new ones, though, because the old ones were kind of bent out of shape with all the moving we've done over the years.

The honker announced that his daughter’s pregnant and his grandson was on the way. Good for him, and good for me too, hopefully, because now maybe she'll skip coming to Florida next winter and using his truck so he can annoy me more often with the motorcycle. I don't know how far along she is, but I would think that for most of the time he's down here, if she wasn't at the end of her pregnancy, then maybe she wouldn't want to travel with a kid so young.

The only dream I remember last night was owning a gas car again and being too broke to fill it up.

I connected ChatGPT to OneDrive and asked it to correct a 36-page story that had 12 chapters but it only corrected part of it. I ended up with just 5 very small chapters and 7 pages. So it's great for current stories and journals but not projects that are already done. It might have done a better job if I fed it one chapter at a time rather than uploading the entire document.

It's not really worth redoing old stories, though. At least not right now. I like how I can tell it not to omit swears or change them and it doesn't. I also like how I can tell it to put the current day, date, and time for when I copy it in Word since Word doesn't automatically timestamp entries like the blogging sites do. I have to add italics, though.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

154 of 2023

Random Secrets from Others 2! [True or False]

Created by joybucket

I have a lot of fun making these. These are random people's secrets that I have found online. Put an X next to the secrets that you share, and elaborate if you wish. Have fun! :)

Everyone around me is religious, but I'm an atheist, and no one knows. My friend told me he has cancer and will likely die within a year. ....and he told me not to tell anyone about it. I absolutely loved being pregnant and would gladly carry someone else's child. 🤰 I'm jealous of women who have a happy experience while pregnant. 🤰 I feel like I'm so far behind when it comes to dating that I never really had the courage to ask anyone out. I was raised super religious, and I started losing my faith when I was 23. (earlier) My first two years of college were the best two years of my life so far, and I wish I could go back and re-live them again. I've relapsed with my anorexia. ...I know I've relapsed. I know this could kill me. But it's not enough for me to overcome the messed up part of my brain that says "at least you'll die thinner." I've been dealing with an eating disorder for over a decade now, and it's not an easy battle. My parents don't know I'm gay. If they found out I'd end up homeless. My family doesn't know I walked out on my job nearly four weeks ago, and I'm too embarrassed to tell them, because I don't want any more financial help from them. My depression hasn't actually gotten any better and if anything, it has gotten worse. But I feel so guilty every time I talk to my friends about it, so I stopped talking about it, and now everyone thinks I'm doing better. I don't know what to do. My life isn't perfect. In fact, it's far from it. I just found out I'm pregnant. I haven't let anyone take a photo of me in years, because I gained weight. I haven't been able to feel genuine happiness for a long time now; I've only been able to feel stress, sadness, and anger. It's driving me crazy. I'm soon to be homeless. My high school best friend was gay. ....and he was in a leadership position in the local church. ....even when he was married to a woman, while at the same time sleeping with a man. I just graduated from college, and now I'm really depressed. I don't feel an emotional connection to any of my friends or family. Despite being really happy and satisfied in my current relationship, I still have feelings for my ex. I'm in love with my best friend. One of my biggest fears is losing touch with reality. I've been hallucinating, and I'm scared to tell anyone. I have a chronic illness and I'm making it worse by staying in the workforce, but I get so much of my identity from my career that I just can't leave it yet. I was sexually assaulted as a high schooler, and I still blame myself. I like drinking more than I have a desire to stop, and I'm not sure where that's going to lead me. I've had people wonder dumbfounded at how I'm still single. I'm bulimic. Only my wife knows, and not to the fullest extent. My grades have dropped dramatically since I went to college, and I'm too ashamed to tell my parents. I had feelings for a man that was older than my dad. I don't feel motivated enough to go back to college, but I'm afraid to tell anyone that, because they'll probably just brush it off by saying I'm lazy. I'm sleeping with my coworker. (he’s my husband lol) I have a boyfriend in another city. I weigh more than I care to admit. I don't love him. I just lust after him. I am sleeping with him for his money. I hate his new girlfriend, but I smile when she is around. I'm terrified of having children. I was raped. My best friend saved my life. I'm bisexual. ....and I feel alone at church because of it. I've stuffed my bra. I used to be a Christian, but I'm not sure I would call myself one anymore. I joined a sports team so I could see everyone naked. COVID taught me who my real friends are. George Floyd's death taught me who the true racists are. Technology today makes me feel like an alien. 💻👽 Gambling destroyed my last marriage. The problem with getting to know people is that once you know them, you might not want to know them anymore. I plan to end it all soon. Finally. I am asexual. ....and I don't know where I fit in! Most of the time I feel like a complete loser and failure. I'll never give up. I smoke pot, and I'm afraid I'm smoking away my future. My local public library played a crucial role in my recovery from severe depression. 📚 I am proving to my childhood self that I'm exactly who I promised who I would be. I'm really proud of that. I wish I had spent more time just being a kid. I think most adults are kind of boring...but they don't have to be. Honestly, I'm glad the weddings I had for 2020 were canceled. My friends' weddings were getting EXPENSIVE! 💒 Now that we are forced to be distant, I finally realized I am ready to be close to someone again. My ring is fake. I'm THAT lonely and THAT pathetic. 💍 I want to have ceiling stars in my bedroom even when I'm married with kids of my own. ✨ I feel helpless watching your mental illness destroy you. I'm cheating in my college classes. I'm trying real hard not to panic. Just for once, I'd like to be the pretty girl. It is so hard to make friends in college. College was easy for making friends, even for an introvert like me. It's the "real" adult world that shrinks your friend base. My dad used to spank my mom in front of us. I'm terrified that this might end with you killing me. Never once did I imagine that love might be so hard to find. Maybe it only happens to others. Some people plan vacations; I plan my divorce. I wasted so many years. I really want to be famous, but only so I can meet other famous people. My porn addiction made me unable to feel real love. I am starting to like myself fully for the first time. I've stalked my crushes on social media. My work friends are my only friends. I'm thinking of getting back together with my ex, so I won't have to spend the festive season alone. 🎄 I married a man I didn't love to wound the one who meant the world to me. I'd never known joy until I started traveling alone. Everyone envies that I'm traveling the world, when what I want most is for you to ask me to stay. My personality is dependent on coffee. ☕️ All signs point to God. But I don't WANT them to! I have a chronic disease that is slowly killing me. I'm mad at myself for taking so long to figure out it was rape. I've finally stopped trying to be perfect. I've never been happier. Now that I look the way I always wanted to look, I'm less happy than before. Words cannot describe how thankful I am that your suicide attempt failed. Being gay is much less fun now that we've forced them to accept us. 🏳️‍🌈 My life looks much better on social media. Truth is, I'm miserable. I want another child so badly.

[leossmoonn]

can i request a stefan imagine where bonnie locks you both into a room because you guys fight to hide your feelings, and when you're inside, you both finally talk it out and then when the next day the room is unlocked everyone makes fun of you because you fell asleep on each other

yes! this is such a cute idea :))

masterlist

warnings / includes - mild language, casual sex talk, underage drinking (you all are 18 tho), fighting, kissing, ugly crying (lol)

————

“i thought he was supposed to be the smart one,” you grimaced.

“boys are often enchanted by half-naked girls,” elena stated. “yeah, but not stefan,” you said, taking a big gulp of your beer.

“well, contrary to popular belief, stefan is like other boys. he got turned at 17, he didn’t have much time to mature.”

you gave elena a ‘are you serious?’ look before turning back to the man whom you were hopelessly in love with. it shattered your heart to see him dancing with another girl.

she was wearing a belly top with a skirt you knew that not even vicki donovan would approve of. she had her back facing towards stefan, running her hands through his hair as she moved up and down on him, obviously trying to get him riled up and fuck her in the bathrooms. meanwhile, his hands were on her waist, following the movements her body made. he had a big smile on his face, winking at her as he told her dirty little nothings.

the red solo cup crushed in your hand, beer running down your arm, some getting on your jeans. you didn’t even realize until elena started to wipe your skin with napkins, taking your attention off of the vampire for a few seconds.

“you had an accident,” elena snorted. “oh,” you frowned, helping her. “oops.”

“why don’t you just go and replace her? i bet stefan then would actually get hard,” elena suggested.

“please, it’s not like he’d even notice me. i mean, look at her, she’s gorgeous.” your insecurities took over your brain, and you couldn’t help but think of how many other pretty girls stefan could have.

“please, she’s below average, and she’s had herpes two times in the last four months. i know stefan is immortal and his body heals fast and all, but no guy, supernatural or not, wants to get involved with a girl like that,” elena assured you.

“then why is he letting her use him as a stripper pole?” you frowned. “maybe to make someone jealous?” elena raised her brow, looking at you and hoping you caught onto the hint.

“like who, you?” you smirked.

“he doesn’t like me anymore! and trust me, before we even got together, he was in love with someone else. he just used me as a jealous device,” elena shrugged, taking a sip of her beer.

“ouch. who did he love instead of you?” you asked, completely clueless. “oh, it doesn’t matter, but it’s okay. i was in love with damon, anyways, so really, it was fair. and he did love me, he just wasn’t in love with me, you know?” she asked.

“yeah, i guess there is a difference,” you nodded. “yep, and stefan definitely does not like that girl, so go and talk to him! you’re his best friend, and if you pull him aside to confess your feelings for him, he definitely won’t mind,” elena nudged you.

you looked back at him, your heart racing at the thought of you actually telling him you’re in love with him, and have been for the last year and a half. you shook your head, looking down at your shoes.

“no, no, it’s too risky. what if he doesn’t like me back? i can’t risk losing your friendship over some silly little crush.”

elena rolled her eyes, setting her drink down and taking ahold of your shoulders. she looked you in the eyes, causing your own eyes to widen.

“it’s not just a “silly little crush”, okay? you are in love with him, and it’s not going to get any better for you if you just stand here and push your feelings down. and look, he likes you, too. i know you don’t believe it, but he does. in fact, he’s also in love with you. just take a chance, y/n.”

“but what if he doesn’t like me and you guys have just been rallying me up for no reason?” you frowned.

“that’s not going to happen. now, go and be with your soulmate!” she pushed you towards him.

you glanced to her and gave her a glare, but complying once you faced stefan again. you walked over to him confidently, tapping his shoulder. he immediately turned to you, a bright smile lighting his face. oh, how you loved that smile.

“hey, y/n, what’s up?”

“i wanted to talk to you,” you prompted. “okay, sure,” he nodded. he abandoned the girl, letting you lead him to a quieter part of the grill.

“so, what’s this about?” he asked.

“um, well…” you weren’t sure you could just flat-out confess, so you decided it was best to have him confess first. “do you like anyone?”

stefan’s eyes widened, a flash of fear clouding his eyes. he shifted his weight, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets.

“u-um, no. why would you think that?”

your heart fell at his response, but you kept up hope. he was probably just scared because he didn’t know you liked him back, right?

“well, a little birdie told me that you liked someone. and me being your best friend and all, i thought it would be fitting for me to know. you know, i can help by getting you and her together.” you flashed him an eager smile.

“well, i don’t like anyone. and if you don’t mind, i’d like to get back to -“

“you’re really leaving me to dance with that slut?” you cocked your brow.

“n-no, well, yeah, but -“

“c’mon, stefan, i won’t judge. just tell me who you like.” you slipped your hand into his, interlocking your fingers together.

stefan’s dead heart dropped in his chest, giving him that somersault affect your touch often gave him. he looked into your eyes, seeing the desperation and pain that they held. he knew that he should tell you that it’s you, but he wasn’t 100% sure you even liked him back. like you, the thought of losing you was too risky for him to take the leap. so instead, he deflected.

“you don’t have to know everything about me! i know you’re my friend, but i have my own private life outside of our friendship. just leave me alone and let me dance with her.” he pulled his hand away from yours, the loss of warmth and comfort disappearing from you both.

you looked at him incredulously, not believing the words that came out of his mouth. you open and closed your mouth multiple times, not sure how to respond. you didn’t even know how to feel, really. you just felt your heart break for the millionth time that night.

he looked at you helplessly, guilt filling his chest as he saw the struggle you had with choosing to leave, or choosing to stay and work it out. he hoped you would choose the latter.

“you’re an asshole, stefan,” you spoke.

your words cut him like a knife.

“you’re right, you do have a personal life outside of our friendship, but you have always shared everything with me. you once told me that i’m the one that you trust the most, that you can tell anything that, that i’m your bestfriend. and-and what now? i-i’m only a friend? someone who you can’t even tell who you like? you told me that you liked elena, and i helped you with that. what is so different about this girl, huh?” you argued.

“nothing! i-i just… you just don’t need to know everything, is all.”

you looked at him good and hard, trying to decide if he was telling the truth or not. was elena wrong? did he really not like you, but like someone else?

“i don’t believe that,” you shook your head, speaking to yourself more than him.

“why not? you are never this… grueling.”

“because i… i just…” you couldn’t tell him that you really thought.

“you what? you think you know who i like? please, enlighten me,” he taunted.

you gritted your teeth, your hands balling into fists. you lifted your first up, ready to hit him, but bonnie and elena came over, restraining you.

“okay, let’s calm down, yeah?” bonnie suggested, pulling you back.

you started to cry as bonnie led you to a different part of the restaurant.

“you-you guys are wrong. he doesn’t like me,” you sobbed.

bonnie sighed. “he does, we swear. he just doesn’t know you like him.”

“are you serious! what is he, blind?” you scoffed.

“guys are pretty clueless, even immortal ones.”

“yeah, that’s what elena said,” you sniffled. “well, what do i do now? we can just resume being friends.”

bonnie pursed her lips, thinking for a moment. “here, let me show you something.”

she took your hand, leading you to the storage room. you went along with her until you saw stefan there.

“what? bonnie, what are you -?”

“have fun you two,” elena winked as bonnie closed the door.

you heard the lock click. you ran up to the door, banging on it and begging for your friends to let you out.

“hey! this isn’t funny! i’m claustrophobic, you know this!”

“no can do! work it out, you two!” bonnie shouted from the outside.

“here, let me,” stefan said.

you moved away, crossing your arms as you watched him try to kick down the door. he took ahold of the handle, pulling it off. he then tried to open the door, but it didn’t budge.

“well, good job. you’re a genius, you know that?” you remarked.

he turned to you with a glare. “as if you could do anything else.”

“well, maybe if you let me find something to unlock the lock, then there would still be a door handle!” you hissed.

“don’t blame me for trying to help!”

“well, it’s the truth! you always think you can fix things. just accept the fact that you can’t.”

“woah, when did this turn personal? if i remember correctly, you once told me that my determination was admirable. why the sudden change now?” he hummed, crossing his arms and looking at you like a smart ass.

you sighed deeply, your eyes filling with tears as you answered him.

“because you hurt me. i-i’m hurt, okay?”

he softened up immediately, his arms falling to his side, his smirk disappearing. remorse shined in his eyes as he tried to reach out to you.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to hurt you.”

you stepped back, putting your head down. “it’s fine.”

“no, it’s not. you don’t deserve it.”

you turned your back to him, your eyes settling on the boxes full of kitchen supplies. you sniffled multiple times, your shoulders shaking as you tried to keep your weeping to a minimum.

you heard stefan sigh behind you. his feet dragged along the steel floor, his hand coming up to gently rub your back.

“please, look at me, y/n,” he whispered.

you turned to him slowly, the sorry pit in his stomach growing. you looked at him, your eyes drooping, tears lining your cheeks. your lips were swollen, your nose running. you sniffled once again, trying to calm yourself down.

stefan walked away for a few moments, bringing back a towel. you looked at him, heart fluttering as he wiped the snot that surrounded the bottom of your nose. he wiped your tears away, running the cloth carefully under your eyes to capture the remaining moisture. you watched him as he kept his eyes on yours the whole time. you felt yourself falling for him again.

he set the rag on a shelf, taking your hand and slipping his into it. you couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. stefan smiled with you, looking at you sweetly.

“i’m sorry. you are my best friend. you are the person i trust the most. i will continue to tell you everything and anything. i just… i was just scared to tell you who i liked,” he explained.

you nodded, understanding his explanation. “no worries. i get it. i don’t like being interrogated either.”

“you didn’t interrogate me.”

“oh, please,” you snorted. “we both know i did.”

he shrugged with a little smile. “well, i know you mean well.”

you nodded, “i do. i really do.”

“i know, y/n, i know,” he reassured you.

you looked away from him, the tension in the room weighing on your shoulders.

“you know, i think bonnie also put a spell on the door,” you stated.

“i was thinking that, too,” he sighed.

“well, what do we do now? we’ve made up,” you asked, looking back at him.

“i don’t know. are you hungry?” he asked.

“no. i am tired, though,” you said. “wanna lay down? i can be your pillow,” he suggested.

you smiled and nodded. “yeah, sure.”

he took your hand, getting on the ground. he laid flat on his back as you put your head on his chest. your heart hammered against your ribcage as he slipped his arm around you, holding you close to him. you fisted his shirt in your hand, closing your eyes and breathing in deeply.

his scent filled your nose, making your mind foggy and muscles relax. he smelled of sandalwood, leather, and jasmine. jasmine was something most guys didn’t smell like, but he did, strangely. it was a sweet, yet musky smell. it fit him very well, and you loved it.

your heart stopped as you felt him rub your back. his fingers scratched your clothed skin softly.

“so, can i ask who you like now?” you hummed.

stefan laughed. you felt the rumbling in his chest, making you smile.

“what?” you looked up at him, batting your eyes innocently.

“why do you want to know so bad? i thought i told you i was done dating for a while,” he stated.

you looked away and back at your hands that held the material of his shirt. “just wondering. and we both know that you’d love to have a girlfriend. one that isn’t in love with your brother.”

stefan laughed again, making you smile to yourself as his chest came up and down in multiple breaths.

“i mean, yes, but i don’t want to just date someone to prove that there are people that like me and not damon.”

“i know, but… what if the girl you like likes you back?” you suggested.

stefan stopped breathing for a second, his hand that was scratching your back stopping to a halt.

“you sound so sure of that,” he said.

you shrugged, looking up at him, hoping he could read the look on your face. “it’s because i am.”

he looked at you, his eyes giving away his emotions. he looked uncertain, but you knew that he understood what you were hinting at. he just couldn’t believe it.

“i love you, stefan,” you spoke, sitting up in his lap.

stefan’s face shone brightly as his lips upturned into a smile. you could physically see all the weight lifted off his shoulders. the hot tension in the room filtered out, being replaced with a cool breeze of relief. he sat up, putting his arm back around you, reaching his hand up to cup your face. he looked deeply into your eyes, his pupils running into his emerald irises. your hands went up to his neck, your fingers entangling in his hair.

“i love you, too, y/n,” he spoke, as if he had said it a million times before.

both of your reactions were minimal, but spoke a thousand words. the words felt natural, right.

you leaned in, eyes flickering from his lips to his eyes. your chest heaved up and down in anticipation, your heart ramming itself against your ribacage. stefan was the one to close the gap.

tingles shot up your spine, goosebumps lining your skin. you pressed into him - no space was between you now. you kissed him quicker now, opening your mouth and taking initiative.

he caught on in an instant. his hand that was on your cheek was now on your neck, cradling your head closer to his. he pulled you impossibly closer to him, sparks flying between you two as your chests rubbed against each other. you pulled on his hair that was at the nape of his neck as his hands reached further below your lower back.

his tongue ran across yours deliciously. you explored his mouth, tasting the bourbon and fries he had eaten earlier. you took a shallow breath as your lungs were gasping for air. you would’ve passed out if it weren’t for him.

“did you really like that girl dancing against you?” you blurted.

stefan tilted his head, chuckling. “no, i did not. and also, that’s really the first thing you’re going say after our first kiss.”

you shrugged. “a girl’s gotta ask.”

“well, then, no, i did not. i was trying to make you jealous.”

“well, good job, because it worked,” you snorted.

“yeah. i’m sorry again for making you cry. that was unfair.”

“it’s okay. i now know that you were just being a scared jerk,” you smirked.

“yep, that’s me,” he chuckled.

you hummed contently, placing your head on his shoulder. stefan resumed rubbing your back, setting back onto the floor again. it only took a few minutes for you two to doze off. you awoke again to the sound of laughter.

you opened your eyes, confused as you saw your friends standing over you.

“man, i thought you two were going to have sex, but this is worse!” damon cackled.

you grimaced, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“shut up, damon. at least i know how to treat a girl right,” stefan muttered.

everyone but damon snickered. damom crossed his arms, glaring at his younger brother.

“i do know how to treat a girl right. right, elena?” damon asked.

“mm, i’m not so sure,” elena said with a shit-eating grin.

“okay, you all suck. i’m out!” damon walked out of the storage room, leaving only you two with elena and bonnie.

“so, did you two make up?” bonnie asked.

“yep,” you nodded. “and we are going on our first date tonight,” stefan added.

your head whipped up to him in surprise. “really?”

“yeah, if that’s okay with you.”

“oh, it’s more than okay,” you grinned.

“well, just don’t fall asleep on each other during the date,” elena smirked.

you rolled your eyes. “we aren’t rabbits like you and damon!”

“okay, and like damon, i am out!” elena exclaimed, walking out of the storage room.

“they’re children,” you rolled your eyes.

“so were you two last night, but i’m glad you made up,” bonnie said.

“thanks. us, too,” you smiled at stefan.

stefan returned the expression, leaning in and kissing you softly.

“ew, okay! i, three, am out. please don’t have sex on this dirty floor,” bonnie stated before leaving.

“wanna have sex at my house?” stefan whispered.

“buy me dinner first!” you scoffed. “what about breakfast?” stefan cocked his brow.

you pursed your lips in thought. you couldn’t help but grin.

“i think that would be lovely.”

————

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[roscgcld]

HEADCANONS + GOJO SATOR || chubby s/o

request: can you please do jjk character reaction to you gaining weight? i feel so insecure about it and it would be good to read something like that.. i love ur headcanons :-)

hey again! it's me with the gaining weight request :( i forgot to say that i want gojo's reaction to it :( his reaction to you being insecure of gaining weight and trying to lose it. thank u in advance ily :]

note: excuse me *bops you on the head* you cannot be insecure about something as small as weight. you’re beautiful 😠😠 and if anyone else says otherwise i will start swinging. who doesn’t like a little fluff to hold onto when they cuddle???? you’re perfect, and a little extra weight is not that bad! and i am happy that you like my headcanons love - makes me super happy to hear it from time to time >< i love you and send you positive vibes uwu ~

pronouns: she/her - because it came naturally, but i still love my non-binary readers i send you love and kisses and an apology >< 

because of your boyfriend’s wicked good looks and his naturally flirty personality, it is no surprise that he is surrounded by a lot of equally beautiful people in your eyes

and even though he entertains them with no more than a charming smile and a few nice comments, that doesn’t make you any less insecure about something as small as your weight 

also adding into your insecurities is his title as a gojo - the strongest sorcerer of the generation, and the next in line to become the head of the gojo clan. his elders are expecting him to marry young and start popping out kids

the women that his elders had sent to him as ‘suitors’ did not help too - they were all what you viewed as the epidemy of a perfect woman. pretty face, amazing body, and a soft spoken and gentle personality; acting and looking almost too fake and doll-like

gojo usually turns them away by giving them some half ass excuse about why he can’t date them, slamming the door in their faces after he pulls you towards him to press a passionate kiss to your lips; hand obviously resting on your ass

and even though that makes you super embarrassed, you just giggle softly against his lips at the offended gasp coming from the door; to which gojo will grin lightly into the kiss before deepening it quite excitely

but that never shuts your demons away - and one day you just found yourself looking yourself over the full length mirror hanging in your shared closet; a frown marring your features

you had always pride yourself on keeping in somewhat shape, but with the constantly on the go lifestyle you live, and the stress that had started to mountain at work; it is natural for you to have gained a little

and recently, as if your mind had decided to spite you, you had realised that gojo is surrounded with more and more people around him - beautiful people around him, to be exact

whether they are fellow super fit sorcerers, another random suitor knocking at the door of your shared apartment, or even just random strangers on the street - you have started to realise that gojo just naturally attracts attractive people like that into his life

people who would look amazing together with him. someone who isn’t you

you were so consumed with your thoughts that you had not heard gojo, who came out from the shower with wet hair and a pair of fitted briefs, looking around your empty bedroom in confusion

tossing the towel he was using to dry up into the laundry basket, he had peeked into the closet of your shared room curiously; only to see you dressed in nothing but a cute white bra and a matching set of underwear

he was about to tease you about it, playfully asking if you ‘trying to make us late for our lunch with the others’ when he noticed the frown on your face as you scanned yourself over; hands resting on your stomach 

wordlessly gojo made his way towards you, your eyes snapping towards his huge frame appearing in the mirror as his arms wrapped themselves around you immediately; bright blue eyes blinking at you from the mirror whilst he rests his chin on your shoulder

“what’s wrong, bunny? you have a frown on your face, and you know that i hate it when you’re frowning~”

at first you felt embarrass to admit what was plaguing your mind, knowing that he was going to tease you about being so insecure about something like this - but gojo is stubborn 

he is going to coax it out of you one way or another, so you better fess up with whatever it is that is bothering you

it took some time for him to coax the question out of you, but eventually you gave in; awkwardly meeting his eyes through the mirror as he raises an eyebrow at you; silently coaxing for you to tell him

“I just...i’ve wanted to ask you for awhile now....am i fat?”

your question actually had gojo freeze as he made the most confused face ever, hand cupping up to gently squish your face between his fingers as he pulled away a little

“who said that? am i going to have to kill someone?” gojo asks too casually, to which you widen your eyes before you wrapped your hands around the wrist holding your face, shaking your head

“n-no! not at all!” you tried to calm him down as he turns your body to face him, an even more confused look appearing on his face - and you know that it’s genuine since he looked like a confused child 

this just made things worse for you as you rubbed your warm cheeks, looking away from his all searching eyes. “i-it’s just...i feel like i’ve gained some...and you’re always around really good looking people...women..”

gojo was genuinely confused as he frowns, to which you just gave him an asperated face. yet before you can say anything he made a noise of confusion; arms wrapped around your waist loosely. “is it bad that i didn’t even notice?”

whatever you wanted to say dried up on your tongue as gojo looks over at you and gave you a soft but genuine smile, hands reaching over to cup your cheeks in his hands

“i didn’t date you because of something so artificial, bunny.” he hummed as he playfully squished your cheeks together. “to be honest, i didn’t notice about that until you brought it up.”

you made a face at him, as if silently asking if he was being serious as he pulled a face on you as well. “i am being serious here, bunny. i really didn’t notice at all.” 

he just pulls you into his chest and hold you close, smushing your face into his firm chest as he coos at you. “you should know better then to think that i care about things as fickled as weight~ i’m dating you because you can make really good onigiri.”

“so you are dating me for my cooking?!” you gasped at him dramatically as you pulled your face away to glare at him, to which he just grinned before he leans forward to press kisses all over your face; your annoyance melting away immediately

after that it sort of just been left forgotten - but gojo never forgot. He can never forget something like that

even before you told him, he could tell that something was bothering you for some time now; but he wanted to wait for you to tell him yourself

and like he said, he really truly did not realise it until you pointed it out; he had never really care about things like physical appearance. since at the end of the day, he only cares about your chemistry together

i think that gojo, even though he is very vain, does not necessarily care about looks when he dates. for him, he wants someone who can handle all sides of him instead of being with him him for face value 

so that is all he cares about - and you were perfect for him. so do forgive him for not giving two shits about something as small as appearance lol

yet he knew that you were still thinking about it - so he went out of his way to make sure that you’re not going to do something that might bring you more harm

when he realises you are eating smaller portions, he might whine and pout at you with puppy eyes; demanding for you to take a few more bites of your food

and no one can really say no to him whenever he shines his beautiful eyes at them; so he always end up getting his way

he always make sure to get the food you like and stock up on the snacks you enjoy to eat; and heck, he will even go out of his way to visit you during your lunch break at work to bring you out on lunch dates whenever he can

he’ll even become more touchy; even more so than he was before. but now he made sure to keep his touches at places where you are the most self conscious about

grabbing your thighs when you two seat together, resting his hands on your love handles whenever he wraps his arms around your waist, resting on your stomach whenever you two cuddle together

he’s always shown his affection through physical touches, since mans will end up insulting you by accident because of his inability to read the room - he might make a very unsavory joke that makes you want to hit him over the head

but he does really care for you, and always goes out of his way to make sure that you’re more than aware that he does care for you; even if it means feeding you food in the middle of a restaurant if you refuse to eat more

when you confront him about it, he just gave you a soft but genuine smile before he rests his hands on your shoulders to shake you gently; as if he is shaking you back into reality

“i just know you well, bunny. and i know that you’re going to try and loose weight because you think that’s what i want.” he sighs dramatically before he tossed his arms around you, pulling you into him with a pout. “but you should know better than to think that i am going to leave you because of your weight.” 

his words caused you to pause as he pulls away a little to press a soft kiss on your forehead, soft lips resting against your hairline for a few more moments as he tightened his arms around you

“plus, i see it as a bonus honestly. more places to mark and more of you to love. also - your ass looks amazing in sweats.”

“i should have known the inner perv will wiggle his way out.” you grumbled shyly as you tried to push your grinning boyfriend away, who just grins in response as he you closer, catching your wrists in his hands. “you know i speak nothing but the truth love~”

and even though gojo adopted such a teasing tone, you knew that he was speaking nothing but the truth. it may not be enough to calm your whispering demons, but it did make you feel a little more confident in yourself 

gojo also continued to shower you in more and more attention, making sure you never forget just how much he loves you. and that you should never care about something as small as your weight

he loves you no matter what, no matter what size you are - as long as you are there to welcome him home after a long day of work with the all love you hold for him, that’s all he needs

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform

[writing-in-april]

Soured Nostalgia

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: When Reader moves their stuff in to Spencer’s apartment they find photos that he kept over the years. One photo of the past springs up memories of Spencer’s precious relationship with Elle.

A/N: hey heeeyyy everybody- here’s a fic I’ve been really excited to share with everyone. It’s my eleventh fic for my 30 fics in 30 days!!! This was the original request (I made it a little different lol I hope you like it)I had a fun time with it mostly cause I totally think Spencer and Elle had something going on at some point 😉 Plus I got to incorporate older angsty post prison Spencer and mention how he used to be a little baby ☺️ I’m curious to hear y’all’s thoughts about the Reidaway ship, or really anything so feel free to drop an ask to my inbox here. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Joking about being jealous???, Reidaway in the past, Spencer being sad about the people who’ve left him, Sub Spencer, Only a bit of dry sex, Masturbation, Unprotected sex, Use of a belt to restrain, A few taps on the cheek, Reader’s hand is around Spencer’s throat for a second

Main Masterlist Word Count: 3.2k

Reminiscing on the past was difficult depending on how the story had ended. Memories that may have been happy could turn too painful because of the ending result. Age turned the memories into unreliable accounts as well, unable to truly remember how things had been back then and how you had truly felt.

Memories were still something to hold onto and cherish even though they got twisted with age and opinion. Nostalgia, a sentimental or wishful affection for the past, was an addictive feeling even if it made you cry. It remained addictive even if most of your past memories had hurt you with no sentiment attached. Everyone always chased the euphoric feelings they had when looking at the ghosts of their past. Sometimes even when looking back you can find something that had once soured had turned sweet again.

Spencer had many memories that he was no longer able to look back upon for a host of reasons. Most often it was because he could no longer bear to look back on a memory of someone who had left him. Whether it was his Dad, Gideon, Hotch, Blake, Elle, and many others, looking back at them just made him often feel like everyone in his entire life had left him.

That wasn’t true of course, he still had his Mom- and you. Even with his Mom there were still many of his memories with her were still stained with guilt, though that had gotten better with time and with your help.

You had begun helping him find the benefit in looking back, trying to make the soured nostalgia a bit sweeter again. It was getting easier as time ticked by for him to open up to you about everything in his past, the good and the bad. At first you had been staring at a wall that he had been building higher and higher throughout the years, it was daunting how tall it was. When you helped take a sledgehammer to it, making it crumble beneath your effort, he pulled away for a while. He felt comfortable by himself behind his own Great Wall until you showed him the benefits of sharing the secrets he held behind it. But, you still stayed, helping him as much as you could until he was willing to open up.

It had been many months since you started your effort to help him break it down. At some point in the last months you had both fallen into a relationship, a romantic one. What had once been a platonic relationship forged from shared interests evolved into a romance emerging from the rubble of his wall.

He had even given you a key to his apartment at one point, which he had never done with anyone except the bureau. Emily was the one that really had it, but that was strictly for work reasons. This was a show of trust which was much more helpful than his wall that had reached the heights of a skyscraper.

A simple key soon turned into you staying at his place more often than at your own. You had casually mentioned one day while watching one of Spencer’s favorite documentaries that you basically lived here now. It was a true statement, most of the clothes you wore on a daily basis had been given a spot in his dresser and the toothbrush you kept there was not the one you used for travel- that one was at your place. You had begun to put your mark on Spencer’s life in a more permanent way than before.

When he had spontaneously suggested the next day that you should move in with him, you knew that your small comment had stuck in his brain. It was easy to agree to, you had said you basically already lived here, plus living with the love of your life sounded like a dream. You only had a few things that you wanted to bring over and it was mostly decorative stuff that you could’ve let go if Spencer hadn’t insisted that he wanted you to make the space your own.

While turning the space that was once solely Spencer’s into something for you both, you had found a small clear box with a blue lid, filled with pictures. Spencer didn’t have a lot of personal pictures framed, there was one with you and him by the bed, one with the team by his desk, one with him and Morgan on the living room wall, and one with you two and his Mom also hung up in the living room.

When you had shown him the box he could tell you were curious, letting you look through it without a moment of hesitation. In the past Spencer would have been wary sharing his memories with you, but now he’d let you look. If only you could get him to look at the box with you.

You weren’t surprised he didn't want to look with you once you saw the people littered throughout the snapshots. Varying people that had left were in most of them, even some you never met.

Ones with Hotch and Gideon- even one from a long time ago with his father buried at the bottom. As you browsed through them you were glad he was able to hang up that photo of him and Morgan, at least they had parted with some closure. It also helped that he still saw him regularly, he had never fully left like some of the people from his past.

One picture in particular stood out to you, it was another team photo, they seemed more carefree in this one compared to now. There was baby Spencer, before you had known him, in a birthday boy hat smiling with the rest of the team. You guessed it was around his 23rd or 24th birthday, going by the slick back gelled hair he had sported in his earlier years. He seemed so much more different back then, perhaps more carefree compared to now. But, he also seemed much more unsure of himself, maybe a bit self conscious. In the photo you could tell he was nervous, just by the look in his eyes. He still had that same look in his eyes whenever he felt nervous.

Then you looked closer at where his eyes were focused on, there was a clear line of sight from him to Elle. Elle was way less nervous in this captured moment compared to Spencer, though from what you had heard she had always been like that.

Your gaze on the photo was broken when Spencer then came into the living room where you were sitting on the couch.

You decided to test the waters to see if he might want to take a look at the photo with you, “Why do you look so nervous in this photo?”

He stopped the path he had been taking, then stood still for a second before deciding to sit next to you on the couch. Straining his neck he gazed over at the photo you were holding in your hands. It was silent for a while as he looked over it, stopping to look at his old team. Some of the team still remained intact, namely JJ, but she wasn’t the same as she had been all those years ago. You let him take it from your hands, so he could look at it closer. He cleared his throat a little, though his voice still came out slightly raspy when he spoke, though he didn’t answer the question you had asked him,“It’s the only picture I ever had taken with Elle…”

“I know you guys were- close.” You didn’t ask your previous question again, sensing that it was still too much to talk about in specifics. What he was telling you right now was even more than what he told you, only telling you that she was his first, everything. Any supplemental information was from talking discreetly to JJ about it one night because you were somewhat curious.

Tiptoeing around the relationship you knew that they had previously was like walking through a minefield. You tried the best that you could to avoid making him too upset. When you got him to open up, it wasn’t by forcing him to talk all at once. Busting the wall down was done brick by brick, not all at once.

“I’m glad you aren’t jealous of her.” His comment was said with less sadness than before. It was nice to see a glimpse of the weight coming off of his shoulders, even if it was just for a moment.

“What? Do you want me to be jealous of her?” You teased, lightheartedly so he wouldn’t dwell on the sad aspect of their past relationship. He smiled softly which deepened when you playfully stuck your tongue out and crossed your arms.

“No- you’ve got nothing to be jealous about…” Any playfulness in his voice was erased as his sentence trailed off. You didn’t say anything for a moment in case he wanted to continue his thought. And, after a moment of silence he did, “I haven’t spoken to her since she left…”

“I know- I was just joking about being jealous. I know how much she meant to you…” His eyes moved away from you, at first you thought it might be because he was still feeling the pain of losing her all those years ago. But, there was something else in his eyes, it naturally made you curious, “What are you thinking about?”

“If you were jealous- what would you have done?” His mind must have shifted away from thinking about the ending of his memories with Elle, which was a step in the right direction. At least he wasn’t avoiding the topic all together, he was still talking about her in a sense.

You bit your lip, thinking about what direction you could take this in. You weren’t going to lie, your mind had gone straight into the gutter at his suggestion and by the look on Spencer’s face so had his.

“Hmmm…” You pretended to ponder while you moved from where you were sitting on the couch to sit on something better, Spencer’s lap. Straddling him then with ease you looked down at his face tracing his cheeks with your fingers. His pupils were blown wide now, almost completely devouring his iris that had become a small ring. He didn’t say anything yet, waiting for you to continue your thought obediently, “I think I would do things to you that I suspect she never did.”

He gulped hard, hard enough that you could hear it. You continued to trace your fingers along his face, sometimes picking a lock of his hair to twirl, waiting for him to say something else like you knew he wanted to. It only took a few more seconds of your touches and your eyes staring into his own before he asked, “C-Can you show me?”

You stopped your movements, pausing for dramatic effect before crushing his lips onto your own. He squared into your mouth at first, clearly taken off guard by your sudden kiss. Before he had processed what was going on enough to let you, you forced your tongue into his mouth, earning you a delicious moan from him.

When you moved again suddenly, separating your mouth with his for just a moment, he tried to chase your lips. Pushing a finger to his lips you then used that to push him back into the couch, then answering his question, “Gladly.”

You kept your finger on his mouth to seal them shut. He could have opened it easily to respond to you, but he wanted to see what you might do next.

Instead of going back to kissing him you started to pull his belt off of him. It was difficult with one hand, taking much longer than it would be with two. But, you still kept your finger rested in the position most people use to shush someone.

Once the belt had finally been pulled from the belt loops of his slacks you finally removed your finger from his mouth. He still remained quiet, his eyes following your every move intently. You then went to work, pinning his hands above his head, then beginning to restrain them with his belt.

“Did she do this to you?” Goading him while you looped the belt around his hands. You made sure to go as slow as possible while you restrained him just to make it last longer until you gave him what he wanted. You even began to grind down on his cock a little bit, it obviously ached to be free from its confines in his trousers by how strained the slacks were getting.

“No!” His voice was broken and breathy, exactly how you wanted it as you tightened the belt around his hand a little more.

Once you were satisfied that the belt was tight enough you got off of him to remove the shorts you had been wearing, along with the rest of your clothes. Normally when you were naked and Spencer was clothed it would be when you were underneath him as a sort of power play. In this position, where he couldn’t move without fear of consequences while you restraddled him completely naked was almost even more empowering.

To play with the dynamic even more you had him remain confined in his slacks for a while longer, while you touched yourself. You were already quite wet from seeing Spencer in this position and exerting that power by pumping your fingers in you while he could do nothing had you dripping onto his slacks.

Spencer’s jaw had gone slack while watching you moan above him, completely speechless from your actions. It was almost comical and entirely too easy to tease him about, “Close your mouth you might catch flies.” His mouth clenched shut at that. It soon fell slack again at your next words while you brought yourself closer to the edge with your fingers, “What? Did she never do this for you?”

All Spencer could do was sit there and take it, shaking his head side to side, only a little so he could keep his eyes on you. You decided to be merciful, pulling your fingers out of you just before you orgasmed. You wanted to finish at the same time as him anyway.

Finally, you pulled his aching cock out of his slacks. It was throbbing in your hand as you spread your wetness with the fingers that had been inside you. Because you had edged yourself earlier, you couldn’t take teasing him any longer. You lined the head of his cock that was red and weeping up to your entrance, sinking down as fast as you could take him. While you sunk down you rubbed your clit in slow circles, not enough to make you orgasm, but enough to make it easier to take him.

Once you had fully taken him you wasted no time, immediately beginning to build up a fast pace. And, of course you couldn’t help but goad him again,

“Did she make you feel this good?” Your pace you had chosen was rough, bouncing and rolling your hips with reckless abandon while he had to take it without being able to move. He could have thrusted up into you even without the use of his hands, but he had one too many of your punishments in the past to be willing to break the rules so explicitly. Now if he ever broke the rules now it was him subtly bending them. Though, you could tell by the way his eyes rolled back into his head that he had no intention of doing that tonight. It felt too good to be used like this by you.

He still had not answered you though, not on purpose, but you still needed an answer. Tapping his cheek a few times, just hard enough to get his attention. It caused him to whine, but he still didn’t give you an answer. Since that didn’t work you decided to ask again, “I asked you a question. Did she make you feel this good? Did she use you like this?”

To add an extra edge to your words filled with a deadly tone you reached one of your hands forward to grasp around his neck. To make him look at you directly you forcefully tilted his neck, eyes once again trained on yours. He finally found it in himself to answer, “It felt good with her, but it feels best with you! I love you!”

“Good.” You simply stated and dropped your hold on his neck so you could return it to its place on his chest, using it as leverage to help you continue your fast pace. Your orgasm was fast approaching, his cock hitting you in the perfect spot, all you needed was a bit more stimulation. When you brought your hand down to run fast circles onto your clit, you soon fell apart above him. Spencer couldn’t help but look up at you in awe, speechless at how beautiful you look while you writhed on top of him.

Your own release pushed Spencer close to the edge and he started to beg, “I’m gonna cum! Please, can I?”

His hands had tightened into fists above him, knuckles going white over the effort of keeping them right where you had placed them originally. You were pleased with the way he had begged, glad that he had asked permission before even thinking about cumming. You still left him in suspense for a bit longer as you continued to work yourself on his painfully hard cock. Pressing a few kisses to his exposed skin under his collar was admittedly just to torture him a bit longer before you finally gave the command.

“Cum for me then.” Spencer followed your command eagerly, taking only two more of you bouncing on top of him to release inside you with a groan. While he rode out his release his lips captured around one of your pebbled peaks, sucking hard to get one last moan out of you.

Slumping forward after you had both finished and you had taken the belt off his wrists with the promise you’d lotion them up after you cuddled. You rested your head on his shoulder, wanting to stay as close as possible for a little while longer. He started tracing his fingers up and down your spine, relaxing you even further, almost to the point of falling asleep.

Before your eyes closed shut in post coital sleepiness your mind wandered a bit back to Elle. Elle had been an important figure in his life, his first real connection with someone special. Sure you teased about being jealous, but you thought it was important to tell him that you were ok with him thinking back on her. You knew he loved you. It most likely would take time till he was able to think or talk about her without a sharp pain in his chest, reminding him of how it all ended.

He hadn’t told you exactly what had happened, but it wasn’t hard to fill in all of the gaps. You turned your head, eyelashes fluttering when you nuzzled into his hair. Then you spoke quietly just enough so the sound could travel the short distance to his ear, “You should frame the picture, you look cute in it. And, I meant to say it earlier, I love you too.”

Ask Me Anything

—-

Tag lists (message me if you want to be added):

All works: @shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg @takeyourleap-of-faith

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99 @princesssmooshie

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey @princesssmooshie

Sub Spencer: @thatsonezesty13 @pastathighs @virtualpeanutartisanjudge @calm-and-doctor @princesssmooshie

[shhh-no-ones-home]

heavy cross to bear* matt Murdock x reader

+++++++++ Request @juniebugg: reader and Matt are in a very serious relationship (could be married) but then when reader actually sees Elektra, whom she already knew about but has never seen because she was "dead," she gets really insecure and tells matt that he deserves better or something and he reassures her. Angst and smut"

hopefully its not too ooc this is my first MM smut so i hope you like! and thanks again for the request!!

* - you asked for smut and that really is all this is lol, little bit of story. 

Song: wasted time by skid row

tag list: @cynic-spirit @juniebugg

+++++++++

i sat at the table sipping coffee and thinking. it was almost nine at night and i knew i should be getting ready for bed but my body wasn't quite ready to move yet. when matt disappeared into our bedroom i figured he'd be changing into daredevil for the millionth time but when he emerged in his pajamas i was a little surprised. and then it hit me. maybe he knew. hell, he always knew.

but maybe it was just that something was off, that i needed him to say it again, to stay with me and make sure i knew. but then there was her. she had showed up out of nowhere and took me off guard more than anything else up until now. one more doubt at the forefront of my mind. that i didnt believe him when he said he loved me despite being married for a year, despite having dated for three before hand, and despite everything he has done to keep me safe. because he loved her first and it felt like the biggest lie ive ever been told. even after a couple days of sitting on it and hoping it would go away. still it was there. in the back of my mind:

"matt i dont know if i can do this anymore."

his head tilted to the side and he looked confused.

"do what?"

he asked almost worried, moving slowly to the table and sitting.

"this, us. i just- you deserve so much more, so much better than- well, than me."

he was quick to scoot his chair closer to my own, his hand coming to rest on mine.

"hey, dont even say that. what would make you think i would want anyone but you?"

now he absolutely sounded worried.

"i saw her matt."

"saw who?"

i shook my head.

"that woman, your ex. you said she was gone."

"elektra?"

he sounded a little broken.

"shes something else ill give her that much. i see why you like her."

he swallowed hard.

"elektra is dead."

i shook my head.

"then why was she here? looking for you. saying your name with such... god i dont even know how to explain it. matthew."

i repeated it exactly as she had said it and it felt wrong. like i was acting. saying someone elses emotions and intentions. they were no longer mine. or at least it seemed like it. There was a long silence and I just stared at him.

"She was here?"

There was hope in his voice and I figured that was it. It made me angrier than it probably should've and my only response was to stand and walk away. I got half way across the living room before he caught my arm.

"Y/n, that doesn't matter. I-"

He swallowed hard and I tried to study his face.

"You mean more to me than anything. Yes I love, loved, her but I married you. I chose you. I want nothing more than to be with you. For better or for worse remember?"

He bargained and I sighed heavily.

"How can I be sure you mean that? What if she comes back? again."

He shook his head, taking both my hands in his and stepping closer to me.

"Let me prove it to you. If she really is back then it doesn't matter. I'm with you, I love you, and I'll always chose you."

I closed my eyes, feeling him get closer and closer until his forehead was against my own.

"We belong together."

He whispered before kissing me gently.

"I only want you."

He kept just as quiet, kissing next to my mouth once, then twice, making his way across my cheek and to my jaw.

"Matt."

I breathed out and he paused. I licked my lips lightly before opening my eyes and looking at him. He really did seem like he meant it. He was trying so hard to keep it together.

"I can't lose you."

He sounded so broken.

"Do it."

He drew his brows and I brought my hand up to touch his face gently. We were still so close I could feel his breath fanning my neck.

"Show me you mean it."

I said softly and his Expression changed.

"I love you so much."

He said before kissing me harshly, releasing my hands and pressing his fingertips into my hips. I hummed against him as he walked us backwards. We stumbled along as he pulled my shirt up, tossing it to the floor.

"Matt."

I moaned, pulling his shirt up next. It was gone in a second and he was back, kissing me and moving quickly to get my pants down. His hands roamed my body just as much as mine roamed his. I traced my fingers slowly up his torso, grazing over his scars before wrapping my arms around his neck. I gasped when he picked me up. There was a soft laugh that escaped him and I was relieved to see him smile even if it was just a second. He knew it would take some convincing and he was right. I needed to know he meant it. That Elektra wasn't gonna be a problem.

"I need you."

He whispered again, laying me gently on the bed and situating himself between my legs.

"I need you to know how much I mean it."

He kissed my jaw slowly, then down my neck and across my collar bone.

"Prove it."

I challenged, my breath hitching in my throat as he ripped my bra open from the front, his lips grazing my nipple before taking it into his mouth. He hummed against me, his finger tips down my torso and into my panties.

"Matt."

I moaned, dropping my head back as he ran his finger up me and against my clit. i closed my eyes, pushing my head back into the bed as he stroked me, kissing his way back up to my exposed neck.

"i love you."

he repeated against the heat of my skin. when he resituated i could feel how hard he was already.

"i need you."

i breathed out, pressing my hips up into him as he continued to finger me.

"matt."

i whined, him removing his hand long enough to pull my panties down. i looked up to him with lust blown eyes, watching him intently as he got rid of his boxers.

"youre still okay with this?"

he asked and i nodded quickly, pulling his face to mine and kissing him deeply.

"please."

i moaned, inhaling deeply before he kissed me again, pushing his hips into mine. my breath caught in my throat as he pushed all the way into me, catching my bottom lip between his teeth as my mouth hung open.

"i wanna hear you."

he said softly.

"feel you."

he moaned against my shoulder, dropping his head to the crook of my neck as he placed his large palm over my heart. it was already banging at my rib cage begging to be let out but i could have swore it did when he started moving. he pulled out of me slowly before slamming back into me and i moaned so loudly i was surprised at myself. and then he did it again and again, getting a good rhythm. it was long, and hard. nothing like our nights prior, even on his worst of days when he's frustrated and in need of release. no this was different. purposeful.

"matt."

i held onto him for dear life, pressing my fingertips into his shoulder blades as he continued to pound into me in long drawn out strokes.

"tell me. tell me what you want."

he grunted out, trying to sound as steady as possible.

"i want you. god i only want you!"

i cried out as he thrusted upward harshly. then he did it again and i saw stars, my mouth falling open as i moaned.

"thats my girl."

he praised, trailing his hand down my torso and pressing his finger in circles against my clit.

"youre almost there."

he coaxed, building me up. i could feel the tightness building, pressing my hips up to meet him as he kept his pace.

"im so close."

i panted, pressing my finger tips harder into his bicep as i gripped onto him.

"do it, do it for me, let go."

he said softly and i snapped. my orgasm racked through my body and my vision went blurry. i was breathing hard as he rode out my high, still chasing his own.

"im almost there."

he said, squeezing his eyes shut. he moved to pull out but i wrapped my legs tightly around his waist.

"y/n?"

he asked surprised and i leaned up to kiss him.

"just do it."

i said, pressing a hard kiss to his neck. he kept going, knuckles going white against the bedsheets as he came in me with a loud groan.

"oh my god."

he panted, slowing his thrusts.

"i love you oh my god."

he said, dropping to his forearms, trying not to put his full weight on top of me. my legs were still wrapped tightly around his torso as we both calmed down.

"i love you too matty."

i said softly, feeling him nuzzle his nose against my neck. it made me giggle a little bit and i could feel him smiling against my skin before kissing it gently.

"you have no idea how relieved i am to hear that. youre the only one for me. always will be."

i sighed softly in content, kissing his forehead and dropping my legs.

"im sorry i doubted you. i just. i need a reminder every once in a while i guess."

he kissed my chest before pulling out of me and dropping to the bed beside me.

"i will give you as many reminders as you need, as long as we both shall live."

he said, taking my hand in his and kissing the back of it.

"thank you matt. thank you for everything. especially knocking some sense into me."

he raised a brow, a half smirk on his face and i immediately wondered what was going through that mind of his.

"after tonight sense might not be the only thing i knocked into you."

i couldnt help but laugh, him matching it as i rolled onto his chest.

"i know you want nothing more than to tell the father we're finally starting that catholic family with lots and lots of beautiful babies but i still have my iud."

he let out a short laugh sigh before i kissed him quickly.

"but that doesnt mean i couldnt be persuaded into getting it taken out."

he raised an intrigued brow.

"oh?"

i laughed lightly.

"ill think about it. right now i just wanna live in this moment with you."

i said the last bit through a yawn, resting my head against his chest and hearing his heartbeat.

"i love you."

he whispered, earning a hum from me as i dozed off.

[deanzboyfriend]

Boss Dad™️

[Not edited]

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Summary: We love when you have an overprotective dad that just so happens to also be your boyfriend’s boss

Pairing: Hotch x son!reader, Spencer Reid x male!reader, Jemily

Requested by anon: “Hi, I wanted to know if you could do a Dr. Reid x male reader, where the reader is Hotch’s son, and his father became kinda overprotective since his mother was killed (Idk if it’s right, my English is not that good)”

⚠Warnings⚠ Slight angst, Spence fluff, overprotective dad! Hotch, Spence comforts reader, bad writing, spoilers, I think that’s all

a/n: this is my first x male reader, and I loved writing this, so thank you anon. Also, apologies if the spacing gets weird, I wrote this in my notes and just copied and pasted lol. 

All of Y/N’s life, he’s had certain...troubles in his relationships. It’s not that he has any trouble finding partners, no, it’s more of my-dad-is-an-overprotective-profiler kind of problem. Ya see he loves his dad, that’s the unquestionable thing. But his dad is, as mentioned before, very protective of his eldest son. Especially after what happened to Haley. He couldn't stand to lose another person he loved.

So he was always wary when Y/N brought someone home. Always ended in the same way. They’d get scared away by getting their secrets exposed and when they left he’d say something along the lines of, “I didn’t like them.” with nothing else.

Now after a certain point, Y/N got tired of trying to reason with his dad. So he just gave up on dating. Until he met a certain Doctor Spencer Reid.

Spencer was a light in his life. The person he never knew he’d been dreaming of. Spencer filled in every empty feeling Y/N ever had. They were quite a pair.

Y/N was studying social sciences and psychology, so he had quite a bit on his plate, and Spencer was out on cases a lot. So the number of official dates they had was slim, but their love for each other wasn’t any different. Hotch had only recently discovered their relationship. And boy was he not happy. He tried to not express it or take it out on YN, but Y/N knows Hotch better than anyone. He could tell it was eating at him, and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“I should visit dad at the BAU. He didn’t bring a lunch anyway so I might as well bring him something...plus I get to surprise Spence.” Y/N mumbled, smiling to himself at the thought. He had a couple of days off school, so he decided to spend them with Jack and his dad. ”He did mention today was a paperwork day, so I shouldn't have to worry about him being out of town.” He said to himself as he grabbed his keys.

One drive to the BAU later, Y/N gets out of his car and makes his way to the entrance. He goes in and pulls out his visitor’s pass that he received from his dad. The security team there knew him pretty well, he visited a lot when he had free days. “Heya Mark, how are the kids?” Y/N asked as he waited for his bag to be checked. “Oh! Andrea got the lead in the school’s play, and she wanted me to thank you for helping her rehearse her lines. Micah is doing just fine, he enjoys soccer practice.” Y/N smiled as he grabbed his bag. “Be sure to tell me about any of Andrea’s performances or Micah’s games!”

“Will do!”

Y/N laughed as he walked towards the elevator. He presses the button for floor six and takes a breath as the elevator ascends. He finally reached the correct floor, and couldn't help but smile as he strolled towards the bullpen, where he immediately sighted Emily. ”Y/N! My favorite Hotchner! How have you been?”

”Oh please Emily we all know that Jack is the favorite Hotchner.” Y/N chuckled and hugged her. ”I’ve been alright, but school is kicking my ass, as usual. How are you and JJ?” Emily smiles warmly at his question. ”Amazing. We just finished unpacking the rest of JJ’s boxes yesterday. She’s officially moved in!”

”I’m so happy for you guys! Anyway, is my dad in his office?” Emily glanced towards Hotch’s door. ”Yep! Where else would he be?” The two laughed together before Y/N said his goodbye and started his trek to his dad's office. He knocked on the door and opened it after hearing a small ”come in” from the other side. Aaron looked up from the file he was working on to see who was at the door. ”Y/N? What're you doing here?” Y/N closed the door. ”Well, I did come here to see you, but I also brought you the lunch you probably didn't realize you left.” Y/N walked over and put the food on Aaron’s desk. The door opened again, and this time, it was Spencer.

“Hey Hotch, I had a question about- Y/N?” Spencer examined him in surprise, not anticipating him to be in his dad’s office. ”Heya Spence.” Y/N grinned, walking to him and engulfing him in a hug. Hotch couldn't help but slightly grimace at the exchange. Y/N saw this, making him wither a bit. Spencer noticed. ”Um- Spence- why don't you meet me in the break room and we can talk a bit over a cup of coffee, yeah?” Spencer pulled away from him, looked into his eyes, gave his hand a small squeeze, and walked out.

Y/N let out a sigh. ”Y/N. You know how I feel about this. You know how our work is- it's dangerous-” Y/N cut him off to finish the statement. ”- because it can compel the unsubs to come after me to get to him. I know.” Y/N looked over at his dad. “Which is exactly why-“

“No, dad.” Aaron was taken aback. “Is that the only reason you don’t like me being with Spencer? Dad, just me being your son puts me in danger. Being friends with the whole BAU team puts me at risk. No, that’s not the real reason, because if that were the case, you would’ve never shown me to the team at all.”  Y/N stood his ground, holding in his pending tears as he tried to stay calm. ”Spencer makes me feel safe. He takes care of me. The only reason you don't want us to be a thing is that you're scared that I'll leave and what happened to mom will repeat itself!” Y/N took a shaky breath in, storming out the door with tears running down his face. He knew he went too far, but right now all he needed was Spencer.

Y/N hurried his way to the break room to avoid being seen by anyone in the bullpen.  Y/N strolled into the break room, where Spencer had just finished making them both coffee. Spencer looked over to him and his smile immediately turned into a look of worry. ”Y/N what’s-” He was cut off by the strong hug that was given to him. He instantly returned the embrace, gently rubbing Y/N’s back and giving him a forehead kiss as a form of comfort. Y/N eventually settled down and moved back from Spencer a bit. ”Can we- you think you can afford to postpone your paperwork for a bit babe? I kinda just-  I need to talk about this with you.” Spencer moved some hair out of Y/N’s face. He pecked his lips and gently grabbed Y/N’s hand. ”Ok, my love.”

-Meanwhile, in the office of big boss dad-

Hotch did not expect that to say the least. He knew Y/N would be upset, but he didn't think he would have lashed out as he did. When he watched Y/N slam the door on him, the weight of what was said hit him. Y/N thought he didn’t trust him? Thought that he didn’t want him to be happy? That’s the opposite of what he wanted. He wanted nothing but the best for his oldest son. He had to think to himself for a while. Was he doing the right thing? Or was he just trying to keep history from repeating itself?

“I was too hard on him...he’s a grown adult, he can make his own decisions.” Hotch thought out loud. He sighed.

He needed to talk with Y/N. Hotch walked out of his office, surprising everyone in the bullpen, as he rarely came out of his office on a paperwork day. He made his way to the break room and was about to say something when he heard Y/N talking.

”Spence I just- I don't know what to do. I don't know why he's so hesitant to let us be a thing I mean- I wouldn't be as upset if it were anyone else but- it's you. He knows you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me- especially after- especially after what happened to mom. I just- I don't want to lose you.” Hotch heard it all. He watched as Spencer easily calmed him down. He saw the love as the two looked at each other. He knew he was mistaken. He had to fix it.

        -6:30 pm, Hotchner household-

Aaron returns from work, take-out food in his hands. As soon as he sets the bags on the dinner table, Jack comes running. ”Daddy!” Aaron smiles as he scoops up his son into his arms. Y/N walks towards the table and looks at his dad. ”Hey Jack, why don't you go play in your room for a few more minutes while Y/N and I set up the food ok?” Aaron set jack back down on the floor and ruffled his hair. ”Ok!” Jack ran upstairs, leaving Aaron and Y/N alone.

”Y/N I-” ”Dad I-” They both started. Aaron sighed and made eye contact with Y/N. ”Listen, dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so mad at you, and I know I went too far with what I said about mom. I know you have your reasons and-” ”Y/N. It's ok. Aaron cut him off, putting a hand on his shoulder. ”I know that I've been hard on you when it comes to you dating- especially after Haley...but I realized this today. First of all, you're a grown man now. I should let you date who you want to. I trust you, and I know that you can take care of yourself. And another thing, I realized how good Spencer is for you. While I shouldn't have been spying on you two, I saw how comfortable and safe you felt with him. I saw love between the two of you. I would never wish to be the reason you are kept from your happiness. So, you have every right to stay with him.”

Y/N had tears in his eyes. ”You mean it?” He asked. ”Yes, completely.” Y/N got closer and tightly hugged his dad. ”Thank you...” He mumbled into his dad’s shirt.

They sat there for a bit, just comfortably embracing one another. ”Who knew big scary boss dad could be so soft?” Y/N remarked, getting a laugh from both of them. ”Anyway, let's get the food set up for real before Jack comes back.”

That night, Y/N texted Spencer, saying all was well.

[petri808]

hiii i am absolutely obsessed with ur drabbles could u please do nalu #4 and #39 pls🥺

“Walk out that door and we’re through” + “Please come home, I miss you”

This was tough cause the questions could trigger a story similar to this one I also did for these prompt asks round. But I think I can make it different enough, albeit angst hell 😅 here we go! It’s a little rushed but longer then I expected for a ficlet lol

“Lucy,” Natsu knocked at the office door, “it’s time to go.”

“Where?” She answered without looking up.

“Levy’s birthday party.”

“Oh!” Lucy sat up in her desk chair and turned her body to face her husband. “Right! I forgot. Um, shucks, but I’m on a writing high right now and I can’t stop— tell her I’ll make it up to her, will ya?”

She always says that… Natsu sighed, “yeah, sure…”

Levy Redfox was Lucy’s childhood best friend and while the woman was also his friend, it just didn’t sit well with Natsu that she’d choose writing over the woman. But this had been an ongoing issue lately... Don’t get him wrong, he fully supported his wife’s career as an author, especially now that it’s really starting to take off. The issue was it had consumed her at the expense of everyone around her.

He knocked on their friends door, answered by Levy herself.

“Natsu!” Levy hugged the man excitedly, but when she noticed he was alone, frowned a tad. “Again, huh?”

“I’m sorry, Levy,” Natsu’s shoulders slumped. “Lucy’s in a,” he made quotation marks in the air, “‘writing high,’ and said she’ll make it up to you.”

“Well, I’m glad you came,” the woman smiled despite the sadness hiding behind her eyes.

All of their closest friends were in attendance and spent the evening talking, eating, and playing a few fun birthday games. It distracted him to some extent, but as the night wore down and the other guests had all left, Natsu, his best friend Gray Fullbuster, Levy, and her husband Gajeel sat around in the living room talking about the elephant in the room. Lucy.

“I’ve tried talking to her,” Levy said quietly, “but, I try not to make it sound too harsh.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what you need to do babe,” Gajeel chimed in. “Be blunt.”

“Yeah, I’m like you,” Natsu agreed with Levy. “It’s not easy to bring it up cause she’s oblivious about it.”

“But it’s hurting your marriage man!” Gray looked at Natsu. “And your friendship,” he switched to Levy. “I’m with Gajeel. If you aren’t honest with her, it’s not gonna get better.”

“Think I don’t know that?!” Natsu spat back. “Think I enjoy being the only one in that house in pain?! I don’t, but—” his voice cracked, “I’m worried I’ll push her away if I say something.”

“She’s already pushing you away dude. Do you still love her?”

“Of course, I do,” Natsu sighed. “I love her more than anything, but apparently it’s not enough… we haven’t even… you know, I can’t remember the last time.”

“Wow… Then you really gotta tell her. All of it,” Gray coaxed.

Levy who’d sat quietly through the back and forth, chimed in quietly. “Gray’s right. You should tell her, when you go home, just tell her how you’re feeling. And whatever happens, happens. We can just hope for the best.”

“You know you’ll be the first to hear from her if I do,” Natsu pointed out.

“I know. But… it’s time I come clean too.”

Natsu slumped back onto the couch and let out a depressed exhale. “And you,” he looked to Gray. “You know if it goes wrong I’ll be showing up at your door.”

“My couch has your name on it.”

“Gee, thanks.”

That had to be the longest drive home Natsu had ever taken, even though it was really just 10 minutes. He was a physical person by nature and never been very good at expressing his feelings in words. Words were his wife’s domain. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but his biggest fear was saying things wrong. With his hand on the doorknob, Natsu took one last breath and opened the door to her office. He knew before entering, Lucy was still working by the clacks of the keyboard and interrupting would immediately cause friction. But he couldn’t wait anymore.

“I’m home,” Natsu called out… with no response. He sighed and spoke more sternly. “Lucy. I’m home.”

“Oh, welcome home,” she finally responded. “How was the party?”

He knew it was an empty question, because she never even looked up or stopped typing and it meant she wasn’t really listening. “Lucy… we need to talk.”

“I’m kinda busy Natsu.”

“I know, but you’re always busy Lucy. That’s part of the problem.” The moment the last word came out, Natsu knew instantly he’d picked the wrong one. Crap.

Lucy stopped typing, turned off the screen and shut the laptop. “Problem?” She turned the chair around with her eyes narrowed in a focused glare. “What do you mean, problem?”

“Lucy,” he ran a hand down his face, “I don’t want to fight, but we need to talk— there’s a lot we need to talk about.”

“Like what?” She crossed her arms. “What is so important that you need to mess with my job?”

There it was.

“I’m not trying to do that,” he sighed. “You know how proud I am of your career. But, it feels as if you’re choosing your career over everything else in your life. Me, your friends, we’re all just being pushed aside—”

“Are you kidding me?!” Lucy shot out of her chair shaking in anger. “I am not doing any of that! I’m not pushing anyone away! Y-You’re the one who’s acting selfish trying to tell me I’m not giving you enough attention! And don’t you bring Levy into this! If this was bothering her she’d tell me!”

“It does bother her! But she’s afraid of getting,” he gestured with his hands up and down at Lucy, “this reaction! Is it selfish to want to spend some time with my own wife?!” Natsu growled. “We never spend time together anymore! You’re just always hunched over that damn computer!”

“I’m doing my job!” Lucy shrieked. “I have deadlines to meet! This story ain’t gonna write itself! Research ain’t gonna materialize on its own! It’s a lot of work!”

“Lucy,” Natsu pinched his brows together, trying hard to stop from snapping further as well as to control the tears building in his eyes. “I love you, more than anything in this world, but I don’t know what happened to the woman I’d married. The old Lucy wouldn’t abandon her loved ones like this.”

“You’re just mad because I’m successful now.”

“That’s bullshit! And you know it! No job is worth losing the people you care about, and if you can’t understand that, then, I don’t know what else to say!”

“Then I guess there isn’t anything more to say,” she spat back.

“I guess not.” Natsu answered softly, turned and left the room.

He’d already assumed confronting Lucy about her precious career would not end well, and he was right. Staying would only cause more trouble. So, he quietly packed a suitcase to go to Gray’s house, making sure to bring anything he’d need because he had no idea how long he’d stay there. He’d said his peace; it really was all in Lucy’s hands now.

Back in her office, Lucy dropped back down into her chair as the full weight of what just transpired hit her like a ton of bricks. She cradled her face in her hands as the anger that had fueled her response suddenly mixed with sadness. Tears flowed free. Did that really just happen?! She could hear Natsu moving around in the bedroom, the opening of drawers, the closet, the zipping sound of the suitcase, each and every step driving a knife deeper and deeper. How dare he tell her to stop writing! This was her dream! Her livelihood! Why couldn’t he just support her instead of acting like a child who wasn’t getting attention!

When she heard Natsu walking towards the front door area, Lucy raced out of the room to confront him one last time.

“Walk out that door and we’re through!” She screamed. “Do you hear me? We’re through!”

Natsu ignored her words knowing it was the anger talking… hoping it was just the emotions fueling her rage. “I’ll be at Gray’s,” he simply responded with a hint of sadness in his tone. “You should really think long and hard about this Lucy, because if not, you’ll lose a lot more than you realize.” And with that, he closed the front door behind him.

Lucy crumpled to the ground and wailed— raged, banging the floor with her fists as the sobbing overtook her. She truly could not understand what brought this on. Hadn’t she been a good wife?! Faithful! Hard working! What more did he want?! All she was doing was trying to make it in the cut-throat world of publishing. Does he not understand how hard it is to make it in that world?! She pulled her phone from her pocket and started to dial Levy’s phone number. But just as she got to the last two numbers, she stopped. It was already 1 am, and it would be rude to wake her friend up. Lucy sniffled and hung her head in shame before dragging herself back towards the bedroom. She’ll just call in the morning.

When Levy answered the phone, Lucy was slightly taken aback by the response. Not a hello, just a, ‘I wondered when you’d call.’ Evidently the woman was expecting it, but she was too tired to let it add to her problems. She hadn’t slept much after Natsu left— no surprise. She was still angry, but also confused, sad, and just mentally drained of life. Her friend agreed to come over in a bit, so Lucy dragged herself into the shower hoping it would make her feel better.

“Wow, you don’t look good,” Levy remarked at her friend.

“Hi to you too,” Lucy mumbled as she moved to the side to let her friend in. “Who would after a fight?”

Once settled on the couch, Levy went straight to the point before Lucy could even begin. “I already know what this is about. I know Natsu’s side, so start with yours.”

“Wow— okay, well—” Lucy pulled her legs up and tucked them underneath her body in a protective mode. “He tried to tell me to stop writing and I thought that was bullshit,” she said bluntly.

Levy’s brow raised. “Is that exactly what he said? To stop writing?”

“W-Well no, but that what he implied!”

“What did he say exactly?”

Lucy looked away, a scowl growing on her face and to hide the renewed moisture in her eyes. “He said I’m pushing everyone away.”

“And you don’t agree?”

“No! I’m not choosing my career over everyone! It’s ridiculous to even imply that I would!”

“Lu, do you still love your husband?”

“Of course, I love him!”

“Are you sure he knows you still love him?”

“I—” Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and sunk further into the couch mumbling. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t.”

“I can tell you, he doesn’t. Lu, you’ve pushed all of us away.”

“So, you’re taking his side?!”

“No. I’m giving you reality. You’ve been wrapped up in your fictional world so much that you’ve forgotten this one and the real people in it.”

“I—” Lucy turned away to hide the tears slowly starting to trickle down her face. “I never meant to…”

“I know…” Levy placed a hand on her friends leg. “Lu, we all know. He knows, but he’s hurting and it’s in your power to fix this.”

“But how?! I can’t just stop writing. I have deadlines and— you know, its a lot of work to put a story together.”

“You have to find a balance. Right?” Levy coaxed. “You have to take breaks. You have to relax sometimes. Natsu’s not asking you to stop, and he knows there will be times you really can’t stop. But it can’t be all the time, and right now it’s all the time.”

“I know…”

“Girl when was the last time you…” Levy wiggled her brows and grinned. “You know.”

Lucy blushed. “Too long.”

“Well?!” Levy laughed. “Are you finally getting our point?”

“Yeah,” Lucy sighed. “I got tunneled vision.”

Levy leaned in, adding pressured from the hand on Lucy’s leg and a softening in her voice. “And it put your marriage in jeopardy. But it’s not too late to fix it.”

The tears exploded from Lucy. “I told him… when he left, I-I told him don’t come back.” She buried her face in her hands as the sobbing took control. “I-I was screaming at him… so angry, I just lost it and—”

Levy pulled Lucy into a hug. “Shhh,” she held tight. “I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean it. Shh, it’s okay. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. But you can still get him back, I’m certain of it.”

“H-how?!” Lucy sobbed into Levy’s shoulder. “He’s gotta be so mad at me!”

“Hun, Natsu’s more sad then mad. He needs to feel like you still love him.” Levy pulled away and cupped Lucy’s cheeks, staring, searching the woman’s eyes. “Can you tell him you love him?”

“I can tell him I love him,” Lucy sniffled.

“Then go tell him that!” She hugged her friend. “You’ll be okay Lu, you two are meant to last.”

“Thanks, Levy.”

“He’s at Gray’s right? Want me to drive you?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Levy smiled. “Now clean up a bit, I’ll wait in the car.”

The whole ride over to Gray’s house was the most nerve wracking experience in Lucy’s life. As she sat there huddled in Levy’s passenger seat, all the ways she could ever apologize tried to funnel through her head. She was a writer, and yet for the first time in a long time, all the words dried up or mashed together like a broken verse. Levy did her best to keep Lucy calm, reminding her that it’s all about being honest— just let your heart do the talking for once and not her head.

“You got this,” Levy patted Lucy’s shoulder before she exited the vehicle.

Lucy sure hoped she did. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Seconds ticked by and with each chime, all the weight and worry crept closer to sending her over. He was mad. Too mad. He probably won’t answer…

Finally someone did. “You came?” Natsu’s voice was soft and low, his eyes still bloodshot and worn.

“I came,” Lucy hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry— F-For everything, Natsu please come home, I miss you. I love you more than my job, and I’m gonna make it up to you.”

“You always say that Lucy…”

Ouch. Straight through her heart. The tears broke free again as her knees weakened, causing her to fall against him. Natsu caught her, and she clung to him, gripped to his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please come home! I love you! Natsu please come home! I can change! I promise I’ll change!”

That’s when she felt his hold truly tighten around her body and his head come to rest against her own. Lucy sobbed harder from the acceptance, pouring her heart in her words. “I love you… I love you so much, I’m so sorry….”

Natsu cradled her head and closed his eyes, voice soft with an upbeat to its tone. “Now there’s the woman I married.”

He held Lucy tightly until her sobbing slowed, eventually pulling away just enough to wipe the tear trails away. “Shall we go home now?”

Lucy nodded. “Please….”

[jodilin65]

I’ve always considered myself an empath but have become less of one the more I see and realize that for the most part, people cause their own problems. Like voting Republican and then crying about lost rights. What do they expect? That’s like teasing a tiger and then bitching about it if it bites.

However, if the journal entries I’ve been editing and publishing from 2014-2015 were written by a total stranger, I would feel SO bad for them. It’s just so much torture both physically and emotionally that I went through! Even after all this time, I’m still angry that I had to suffer so much while the so-called experts blew me off and gave me suggestions that weren’t the least bit helpful in the end. They should have had a much better idea of what was going on with me and provided me with much better solutions rather than being so dismissive or blaming my problems on simply being anxious. Denying other possibilities was totally unprofessional, including that not everyone’s normal is in the so-called normal range of numbers.

I get that we know our bodies better than anyone else and that it’s hard for people to figure out or understand what they’ve never experienced first-hand but that’s still no excuse. They should have had enough info based on others who, like me, experienced the same problems. I was far from alone in what I went through between the medication and menopause.

I almost considered deleting Doc A for a minute after remembering the way she tried to tell me that levothyroxine can’t make you anxious, and that losing weight doesn’t affect your thyroid levels but only the life of the thyroid. How can any doctor say that to a patient?!

Also, the way I had to pry for menopause info or look online as if it’s a taboo subject and something totally unnatural that half the population doesn’t go through was ridiculous. I thought back to Doc C who knew damn well what my age was at the time, yet she never once said a word about menopause or perimenopause.

LOL, I just sent the last few paragraphs to Doc C on Facebook. She probably won’t see it though, as she definitely seems to have abandoned her account. And all because of what? A former patient who wanted to be her friend? Whatever. Her prerogative. It’s been 51 weeks since my last message to her which was actually an accident. It was a flower picture I meant to send someone else.

For the second day in a row, I’m tired because my sleep got broken up. I got up to pee and had trouble falling back asleep. Knowing that this meant I would automatically be tired when I got up, I removed the mouthguard. I was surprised not to find any spikes in oxygen levels after sleeping without it.

My only complaint is that the thing is making my jaw and teeth sore but I confirmed that while it can move teeth and make your jaws sore, it can’t knock your teeth out or anything like that. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it but if I don’t, yet still find it helpful (when thunder isn’t waking me up and I’m able to get back to sleep after I wake up to pee), I’ll ask Rhonda for a referral so I can get one custom made. For now, maybe tomorrow I can get back on with the testing! Part of having trouble sleeping might be my fault. It’s very hard to resist laying down when you’re tired and I might have laid down too much and gone to bed too early. I’ll try not to do that as much throughout the night.

There is some good news and that’s that some of my test results came back and I do not have an infection after all. I’m guessing the yellow discharge is simply the way I am in this day and age. Hormonal changes can cause it but it’s rarely a symptom of cancer so I’m not worried about it since I don’t have any symptoms. Hopefully, she won’t want to do further testing. The urine culture results are still a few days away.

More good news. The bed has been ordered! From Amazon, we have a metal frame that’s 14 inches tall and supports up to 3,000 lbs. The whole ensemble should be about 1,000, though.

I also got a couple of fitted sheets, one in Rio Red that will go with an extra pillowcase we have with red rosebuds on it, and one in Dusty Lavender which can go with an extra plum-colored pillowcase.

From the waterbed store, we got an 8-inch plush waterbed cover with free-flow tubes. It will come with 7 tubes that run the length of the bed and not the width. If I feel the cover is plush enough, I’ll just use an extra fitted sheet for a mattress pad. If not, we have extra plush mattress pads.

Tom will get a sheet of plywood to put on the bed frame since it's not a solid platform. There are gaps between the rails and we don't want to put the waterbed mattress on that. Also, I want to put the soundproofing blanket on top of the plywood and underneath the waterbed because I sometimes still feel and hear bumps and bangs from car doors given how close these houses are.

So now my survey savings account is almost empty! I’m going to get some little things before I save up for anything big again. I want to indulge in some Chinese food and a variety of incense from The Dipper. Then I want to finish the exterior bedroom wall.

Magic straws aren’t so magic. They have these flavored straws for milk and I decided to try the chocolate one but didn’t notice any chocolate taste at all.

Going to make dinner in a bit. A baked potato and chicken wings since I had salmon last night.

My weight is up a couple of pounds after having to raise my TSH a bit but it sure stopped my racy heart. You know how it is for me; it’s either be calm and be fatter or wound up and not as fat. The first choice is definitely more comfortable.

What was that the honker was just looking at? He just honked in and then I saw him step over in front of his lanai and peer between us and Ray at something. A rabbit?

[whenwordsmakesense]

Another first sentence + 5 sentence fic, "I hate it when you're being a martyr!!?"

Lol, next time just send me a sentence. I don't think I'll ever be doing "only" +5 sentences xD

Okay, okay, so this isn't from my *THE* time-travel fic, but the thing is... I just love the idea of a bamf!sterek that go back in time and don't tell anyone about the truth and then comes this CONFRONTATION and everyone else is confused/in awe.

Quick rundown of dynamics, just because: Alpha Talia Hale. Human/Alpha Mate Nathaniel Hale. Betas Peter Hale, Laura Hale, Cora Hale, Claudia Stilinski. Human Noah John Stilinski. Alpha Derek Hale (but he presents as a beta to everyone except Stiles). Human Stiles Stilinski (but he is actually a spark, the strongest there is).

Idk their ages, but you can imagine Stiles as a 15/16 year old teen (he's mentally older, of course, think like... hmm... let's say he came back in time at age 21. So he should be 30, mentally). That makes Derek 21/22 (mentally 36).

Okay, enough rambling, now let's get down to the fic!! I'll be writing this from Laura's POV. Also, tell me if I should post this one on AO3? Now it's on AO3!

The Moon's Come Out

"I hate it when you're being a martyr."

Stiles' voice is a soft whisper underneath the chaos of blood and death, but it's not quite enough to drown under. It's a resigned exhale of breath, a truth so absolute that it's no longer just a truth. It's a fact.

Laura Hale wonders when her baby brother aligned himself to such a fact. She wonders lots of things about her baby brother.

She remembers the day when it all changed. When Derek changed. It was subtle, but it was prominent.

She remembers when she'd helped Derek with his flirting skills. Paige, she remembers; the same Paige who had once held Derek's eyes had been rendered into nothing that day. No, not nothing—something else. Something deeper. Something like grief.

But why would Derek grieve someone living? It's a mystery, but more than that it's an act shared between Derek and Stiles—like they're barely tethered to the world, and every moment with anyone but each other is like a gift and a curse, all in one.

But this isn't the time to think about it, how it feels like she's lost Derek once.

It's time to save him.

"Mom," her voice is a barely there sound, but her mom, her Alpha, she's here.

And she's silently crying.

"Mom, we need to- need to help him,"

Her mom is nodding her head, and they're moving between the bloody bodies—hunters, who'd come to kill them, only to die by Stiles'... everything.

Laura feels she can save him.

"Stop." Stiles' voice is still a whisper, but it's an order. A command.

Her mom—Alpha Talia Hale—stops in her tracks, and Laura, with her injured leg has to stop with her.

Dad is shouting at Cora to stay back, and John is trying to free Claudia and Peter from their confines, and Laura can hear all that. But right now, her world boils to where Derek is. On the ground, only a few feet away but so, so far away, spitting blood out of his mouth as his healing tries to kick in where the bullets are lodged on his body.

Bullets. Because Derek had jumped in front of the hunters when they started shooting at Peter and Claudia. And they're all wolfsbane laced.

Laura opens her mouth to protest, to shout, but Stiles doesn't let her.

He's always stopped her from talking.

She hates Stiles.

He's taken Derek away from her. From the pack.

"I can deal with this, you don't have to worry,"

"You can't order me around." Laura's eyes flash at her Alpha's tone, and she bares her neck.

Stiles' jaw sets with a determined look. "Oh, yeah? You really think so, Talia?" Laura watches him as he speaks, words fast paced and laced with worry and fear and anger. It's an ensemble of emotions, but even Laura has to admit that there's always been something special about this kid. His hands work as he talks.

"I mean, maybe you do. You Hales always think you know the best, don't you? It's like you think nobody else has any brains but you. Well, except Peter. That fucker is just too clever for his own good and he knows it. But he at least knows not to underestimate others. That's more than I can say for you, Talia. Or Laura. You two are so similar, you know?"

Laura does. She does know. And she is proud of that fact. But Stiles says it like a curse, like being so similar to her own mother—her Alpha—is nothing short of the worst thing.

Laura wonders why. She wonders a lot when it comes to Stiles.

"Stiles," everyone stops at that voice, as if freezing in place would freeze time itself.

Laura has been tortured, she's seen more blood than she needs to today, and she'd cried herself hoarse when they'd started to torture her previously unconscious mom. And then she'd wanted to die when the hunters turned their guns toward Cora, Claudia and Peter. So much so that she'd barely noticed Derek somehow escaping from his own personal confinement, the shackles he was in, all of it covered in wolfsbane. Neither had she witnessed Stiles breaking the literal cage the humans of their pack had been put in. But the thing that truly, truly scares her isn't any of those things. No.

It's losing Derek. Her baby brother (he used to hate it when she called him that, but when he changed, that hate turned into a grieving sort of fondness, like this was something he'd missed), who feels more like an adult than she is, her Derek. She can't lose him. She just can't.

It would break her. It would break the pack. Derek has always been the heart of it, the sweet little kid who is adored by his sisters and trusted by his parents; the man who even Peter respects, and Claudia cherishes like her own son, and John who calls him a good man.

It's no surprise they all just stop when Derek speaks for the first time since he was shot. And oh, was it only minutes ago? It feels like hours.

"Finally coherent, huh?" Stiles asks Derek, like Derek speaking right now is no big deal. Like it's that easy to try and repel the poison of wolfsbane.

"Shut up," Derek coughs out, voice throaty and weak.

"Derek," someone calls out. It's choked with tears, and it's a female, and it's her voice. "Derek! Please don't die,"

Derek tries to move his head, but falls back on the ground with a thump. Stiles swats at him, and Laura only now notices that Stiles' hands are covered in blood, one anchored on Derek's chest while the other digs around one of the holes. There's a host of bullets lying on the other side; Stiles throws another bullet there.

Perhaps everyone notices the same thing just then, because everyone makes a noise, a wail of pain and disgust and fear, all of it mixed in one sound.

Her mom has lost all her fight in herself, and Laura deflates, too. Stiles seems to know what he's doing.

And he doesn't seem to care what he sounds like.

"No, shut up? Me? Shut up? I swear to the fucking moon, you asshole, if you die on me I'll follow you. I'll fucking follow you there, because nothing is left for me here, okay, and I know you know that. You know this. How could you even do this to me? I told you to wait for my signal! I never would have let them get hurt, Derek! No, no, shut up! You keep your words to yourself and you listen, you goddamn martyr, you listen.

You made me a promise. When we came back, you promised me we'd be together. Always. We'll fix things, then we'll live, and then we'll die. Together. But you-you broke that promise, Der. You did tha-that,"

Laura is missing something. They all are.

Stiles' voice is a steady stream, a flow broken only by the cracks in his voice and the anger in it. And then it's a whisper, the height of his voice toppled down by his sorrow.

Derek smiles softly, as if Stiles worrying himself to death about him is not a new thing. Like Derek almost dies on a constant basis, and this is a routine they have—Stiles worries, Stiles shouts, and then Derek smiles because he's still here. He isn't gone yet.

Laura watches as Derek puts his weight on his elbows, brings his face close to Stiles'. Nobody interrupts them, still frozen in time, still processing what they just went through. Stiles shuts his eyes.

"I am here. I am here, Stiles," Derek tells Stiles, and Stiles takes a shaky breath, and it hangs there, that breath—the worry, the anger, the pain, everything—between them, before Derek lunges forward and presses his lips against Stiles'.

There are a few sharp breaths, and a hysterical giggle from Claudia. "I told you," she says, and Laura thinks she's saying it to John.

Laura isn't exactly surprised. She's caught them kissing multiple times, and she's always wanted to tattle on them. And she would have, because this is wrong—Stiles is a teenager and Derek is an adult—but Stiles is clever and somehow always a few steps ahead of her. He knows all of her secrets, and she'd rather he didn't but that's not the life she has. No, the life she has is—

—clearer in hindsight. She thinks back on those kisses, shared in the early mornings or late nights, between whispered words that Laura couldn't make out and with a desperation that went beyond the desperation of wanting a good time.

And she looks now, looks at the way Stiles' breaths are shaky and labored, but his hands are steady, even as he brings flames appear out of nowhere and presses it against Derek's bullet wounds. She looks at the way Derek has his forehead pressed against Stiles', and how he moves his head to Stiles' neck at the precise moments that the fire touches his skin. Like he's done this before, knows how to keep his pain between him and Stiles. She looks at the way Stiles' other hand, still bloody, tangles in Derek's hair, comforts him, like he's the only comfort Derek needs in this world.

She looks at the way Derek's body heals, like even his body is used to being hurt like this.

"It all makes sense," Peter's voice brings her out of her thoughts, and she turns to look at him. He's vibrating with excitement. "The way they talk—the way they behave—it all makes sense!"

Laura doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to know how this much blood and death and crying and confusion could ever make sense.

But if knowing is the answer to ease the burden on Stiles' and Derek's shoulders, she'll take it. She will know.

[simonsrosebud]

the one where someone doesn’t know who kevin day is, pt. 2

part one three four five

dalton’s apartment becomes a common occurrence over the next month.  kevin kisses dalton into the couch cushions, and then the bed.  and this one time it’s almost the same, except dalton interrupts.  “oh, hey, i’ll be at your game tomorrow- ah,” he breathes as kevin kisses down his neck.

kevin doesn’t like that.  no- he likes that, that dalton is willing to see him  do what he loves and all, but not that he told him right now.  because now he has to stop what he’s doing and explain.  explain that he’s pretty fucking famous in the exy world, that his mother is the creator of the sport, that he’s kevin day- what that entails.

but dalton takes it surprisingly easily.  he thinks it’s because he’s not invested in the sport in the way almost everyone else kevin knows is and just doesn’t get it, or maybe because he actually likes kevin for kevin and just doesn’t care about his past and the weight of his name.

because after kevin’s done dalton kisses away his frown and climbs onto his lap.  “don’t worry, hot shot, you’re still just a history nerd to me.”

kevin upgrades dalton and his friend to his family seats.  his friend seems to know exactly who he is when he goes up to them before warm ups, and by the guys face kevin realizes that dalton definitely didn’t tell his friend who they’d come for.

kevin hugs dalton.  “i’m not out yet,” he whispers.  “otherwise i’d kiss you.”

dalton grins like a child.  “later.”  he shrugs.

andrew mocks him in the car to fox tower after their win.  “invite your boyfriend?”  and he freezes.  “fuck you for thinking i’m an idiot.”

kevin thanks god that nicky rode with matt.  aaron and neil both look at him, though.  “you’re dating someone?”  neil will never not be oblivious.  aaron just sneers.

kevin stays quiet.  he should’ve known better from andrew, after all.  but he pulls out his phone.  come pick me up?

be there in 30, we're walking home from the stadium LOL

it's enough time to go hang out with the rest of the team and the vixens in the lounge, dan would kill him if he didn't show at all.  but he must lose track of time because eventually the door opens and instead of another fox it's dalton.  it's not enough to pause conversations, even though kevin is sure they all at least notice.

when kevin follows him out dalton knocks shoulders with his and smiles.  “are you drunk?  i noticed they were drinking.”

“no.  i’m um, i’m-i’m four months... sober.”

dalton is a pure angel because he smiles at kevin as he drives.  “that’s good, kev, i’m proud of you for that.”  and he doesn’t make him explain, or ask questions.  he takes it at face and lets it go, and it makes kevin want to bask in the feeling he gets from it.  it’s a different kind of trust than he’s used to.

he texts andrew that he’s not coming home for the night.  as soon as they get inside dalton’s place he has his lips on kevin’s.  “looked really hot tonight,” he mumbles and lets kevin walk him backwards towards his room.  “wish you still had your uniform on.  so strong,” and squeals when kevin picks him up.

“stop talking, d”

the next morning dalton drops him off at the stadium for training.  he doesn’t see anyone else there, so he lets dalton grab his face and kiss him before climbing out with a smile.

it fades when he sees nicky and allison staring at him as they exit the stadium.  he forgot it was therapy week for the team.

kevin freezes up.  nicky’s grinning, and allison continues walking to her car.  “wait!”  nicky wiggles his eyebrows when kevin grabs his arm.  “for once in your life, nicky, please don’t tell anyone.”

and it’s weird, because nicky kind of loses his smile.  “are you gay?  or bisexual?”

shrug.  “second.”

“are you serious about not telling people?  you’re obviously not out yet.”  kevin nods, and nicky smiles.  “i won’t tell.  i can keep secrets, you know, when they matter.”

kevin looks to allison, who looks to nicky.  “we’ve all noticed you hanging out with that guy lately.  if a bet about you two boning comes up we’re splitting the pot.”  nicky nods.  “secrets safe with me, then.”

kevin doesn’t tell them that andrew and neil know.  allison’s stubborn and he’s lucky he got her to keep her mouth shut on the first try.

he’s still moody during practice, though.  on their way back, andrew drives right past fox tower and to dalton’s apartment.  kevin doesn’t even realize until the car stops.  “what are-“

“get out.  you’re not allowed back until your mood is gone.”  and kevin could just walk back.  it’s only a fifteen minute walk, honestly, but he doesn’t really want to.  he wants dalton to wrap his body around him so he can take a nap and he wants to just hug him.  he’s realized over time that he’s been incredibly touch starved, and he’s become a fan of bear hugs.

he could feel himself distracted during practice, worrying himself over if he should tell the public that he’s bi to get ahead of it and worrying over what he and dalton are.  if it’s going in a direction that would even give him reason to come out.

so when dalton lets him in with a smile at the unexpected visit, kevin kind of falls into his arms and hugs him.  “can you hold me.”  it’s a different type of vulnerability, but dalton takes it with grace.

and eventually, when dalton’s lying on him with a hand in his hair, he asks, “do you wanna be my boyfriend?”

kevin snaps his head to look at him.  he runs his hand up dalton’s bare back.  “i’ve never been in a real relationship before.  my last one... she was toxic for me.”  triggering would be more accurate.

“that’s okay,” he whispers, his hand slides down to kevin’s face and he drags his thumb down his lip.  “just want you, kev.”

it’s the first time he thinks he’s ever heard something along those lines, and it hits so deep.  he rolls over dalton and kisses him into the mattress.

the foxes have a field day with it.

kevin doesn’t tell them, but he realizes two weeks later that allison was right when she guessed about them starting bets, and it doesn’t help when kevin brings dalton back to the suite only to find the upperclassmen and cousins all spread out on the couches and floor- minus renee and aaron.  he freezes and starts to walk backwards but andrew steps in front of him.  “stay.”

“why.”  but andrew doesn’t answer because he’s already said his piece, and kevin almost ignores him until neil pulls the vice captain card and forces him to stay.

kevin wants to hit him.

“it’s fine, kev,” dalton practically pulls him to the group.  dan greets him first and introduces herself.  “we’re playing never have i ever, drinking edition, if you wanna play, but you’ve got to drink for kevin, too”

and dalton’s wanted kevin’s friends to like him ever since he first saw them, so he doesn’t really want to say no.

“this is a bad idea.  they don’t play nice,” kevin says to dalton.  and he’s right.  the foxes don’t really play the game right, and all they do is go for each other.

kevin starts.

never have i ever payed a guy to knock me out:  neil takes a drink with murder in his eyes.  andrew’s behind him and flicks the back of his head.  he isn’t playing, but he’s not letting neil get wasted without being close by.  and also, he kind of lives there.

never have i ever gone to a peaceful exy banquet:  no one drinks, and for some reason it makes them all burst into laughter.

never have i ever done cracker dust:  dan says that one with a drunk pointed look.  the cousins, neil, and dalton for kevin all drink.

never have i ever had a panic attack over getting a phone:  neil

never have i ever kissed the same gender:  neil, nicky, allison, dalton takes two swigs.

never have i ever dated someone outside of exy:  nicky and dalton for kevin.

never have i ever broken a bone:  kevin, matt, aaron

broken a hand:  kevin

witnessed kevin having a meltdown:  everyone

lived with my dad for two years without telling him he was my dad:  kevin shoots daggers at allison.  dalton drinks for him.

had to get shitfaced to get a tattoo:  kevin

sent neil to west virginia:  kevin

seen kevin’s real smile:  dalton, neil

dated kevin:  dalton.  it settles a few bets all at once.

given kevin a blowjob:  dalton laughs before taking a drink, but that’s the last straw for kevin.  he’s sober as all hell and not letting them take the piss out of him and dalton like this.  “we’re leaving.”  he pulls dalton up.

dalton has an arm around his shoulders and his head ducked by kevin’s.  “s’fun, hm?”

kevin’s not having it.  it was not fun and he had reasons he didn’t want dalton meeting the foxes yet and the whole thing was fucked over because neil pulled the VC card and dalton was too nice to decline it.

neil says, in french.  “you knew he’d find out at some point”

kevin is furious.  “none of you had the right pulling the shit you did tonight.  i’ll fucking kill you.”  and he grabs dalton by the waist to escort him out.

all posts/updates relating to this au can be found in the “OC: dalton miller” tag!