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borkthemork · 3 years

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The Wu Whereabouts Theory

Now that people are getting hyped for the month countdown toward Amphibia Season Three’s release, I am going to be talking about a theory my friend and I talked about over the past few months, and it’s time to buckle up because we’re going to be tackling this theory from a production, character design, and semantics perspective.

And why these specific factors? Because the theory revolves around these three characters.

And why I believe all of them are related in some way.

Now, you might ask yourself: Bork, how in the hell are these characters related? The old woman character doesn’t seem to have any semblance of features relating to Marcy. What about the dad, are you going to explain the dad? Are you pulling my leg?

And to that, we’re going to have to start small. I’ll first explain why the character on the right seems to be an important character to the story, how all these characters can be connected through deliberate design/semblance, and then I am going to hit it out of the park with the probability from a logical perspective with what the intro and past Marcy interactions seem to give us on why everyone is where they’re currently at.

Especially where Marcy’s father is currently located.

This theory is very, and I mean, very long, so hang on to your seats as we dive into my thoughts about where Season Three might lead us.

And credit goes to @CynDavilaChase on Twitter because she made me realize the probability of this theory in the first place.

And with that, let us begin!

Section One - Who’s This Woman?

With animated introductions, I think one of the big things I noticed with Amphibia Season Three’s intro is that it’s heavily serialized. Compared to Amphibia’s introduction with Seasons One and Two, there are a lot of animated scenes found in the sequence where the story is already being told in a narrative.

You get shots of Anne being introduced to her house, you get new important characters introduced in a lot, there appears to be insight into future events such as Anne getting a moped while being chased by government agents or the massive monkey robot chasing her through the alleyways.

A lot of the intro is prioritized over its serialized format, and that means the characters seen and animated in the foreground have to be important characters or else the studio is basically wasting time focusing on a background character that will never be seen again.

Of course, you get some sliding shots like with the construction workers or the beach scene with the beach-goers but that’s only for a second and they’re not truly the forefront.

But during the shots between 0:29 and 0:49, the sequences we see include a lot of what appears to be important scenes with important characters that will play some role in the story itself.

There are no parts in the sequence where background characters are put in the foreground. Each bit of the animation needs to count, it needs to tell a story of what’s to come and what the audience can anticipate to see.

Now that begs the question:

Why is a supposed random background character in the foreground?

We got some reason as to why the engineer lady looks important since she was in a shot full of important or supporting characters, but why her??

Sure, one could argue this shot could just be indicative of Andrias’s invasion, but there are numerous other ways to show that there’s an invasion without putting too much animation effort on one background character, especially from a composition perspective.

Pardon the messiness, I had to do this quick, but look at how all three ladies are lined up.

The far left grandma, when following from her head to the the front lady’s creates a line that not only creates a sense of direction for our eyes to follow but follows the more significant and foreground character of all three. Look at how the dragonflies occupy most of the top of the frame while the two older women stay in the marketplace’s form, and how this leaves the younger woman to be abruptly placed in the open — creating a visual that this character in particular is more important than the rest in the shot.

Check the way the characters move their eyes when the scene happens too: the background characters quickly look to the right, then the woman out in the open then directs her eyesight to the skyline, where all the dragonflies are flitting by.

Now, I’m not a storyboard artist or composer, I could be wrong on how the crew created this scene all together, but regardless it is still so odd to put emphasis on a background character in the front and then just leave it at that.

She has to be important in some way, and this is where I want to talk about character design.

Section Two - All Related or Am I Just Racist?

When it comes to character design we need to talk about how the character designers make sure to give Anne some form of semblance to her parents, and in this case, she looks a lot like her mother.

They got the bushy hair, the same skin tone, eyebrows, etc. And with her dad you could even see that Anne got her fluffy bangs from him specifically. Only one shared genetic trait, however.

This is deliberate, we know that for sure, and that is why I need to make this very clear as we transition to the similarities found in Marcy and the theorized characters, and why I believe they’re related in design. Mainly because the concept of race and appearance could be quite a debacle and I wanted to make sure that all of you know I am not assuming things out of naivety, and if I am, feel free to get my ass.

Other than that, let’s look at them again.

And here I shall compile the appearance stuff that each character seems to have.

With these three characters they seem to connect to one another with one genetic trait, but if one looks closely, there comes the question of the older lady (who I will just call Marcy’s mom at this point) and why she’s vastly different to Marcy when it comes to skin tone, hair color, and hell — if we look between Marcy and the engineer — why these two characters have vastly different hairstyles compared to the woman.

Even though I could give speculation and some doubt to the engineer and Marcy’s mom being related, and on first glance I couldn’t do the same with Marcy and her mom either, but then I did some digging and realized something. I can connect Marcy and her potential mom in one way — hair design.

Marcy and her mom both share the same poofy hair, it’s just that one is more short and the other is allowed to grow out in a nice little nest.

Don’t believe me?

They got the same floofy bangs with that specific hair line.

And when Marcy was little, Marcy appeared to need a hair tie because her hair was growing out, and it looked like this.

If we consider that what Marcy’s hair tie is holding up might be her bangs — bangs that might cover her eyesight from how floofy it is — then if you removed the hair tie then she and the woman would have a very similar looking design hair-wise.

Even with these hair similarities, however, there is still inquiry as to why Marcy is vastly different compared to her mother when it comes to skin and hair color, and here is where I go into some speculation to piece all of it together:

Marcy actually carries the appearance of her dad more than her mom.

Her dad has olive skin and black, straight hair, while her mother harbors tan skin and floofy, brown hair.

It’s this one piece of speculation that basically slides everything into place, but regardless it’s still speculation and one that I cannot confirm or even argue much about due to the nature of genetics and the limited info we have. But with this piece set in place, we could start to create the argument that maybe, just maybe, these characters are related.

But if they are, why do we only see Marcy’s mom and her supposed sister and not her dad?

Why do we get no indication of Marcy having a sister until Season Three?

How do we put all of this together?

Section Three - Distance and Finance

I rewatched True Colors numerous times when it came to understanding and interpreting what I could with the limited Marcy-centric flashback we had. I even went through episodes such as Maddie and Marcy, New Wartwood, and a lot of other episodes just to fit everything into place. And I think I have a good indication as to why this family is the way that it is.

First off, we’re going to be talking about Marcy’s dad and his new job out of state.

California is a very expensive state. And as someone who lives in California, the housing crisis and the ability to even stay in a house/dorm without sweating over the idea of being bankrupt is a very real thing.

So it is a curious thing that one of the reasons that the Wus had to leave came out to moving out-of-state due to a new job offer, one that infers a lot more money and probably a more stable living environment.

You could even hear the dad saying “Marcy, you have to understand!” when Marcy runs out, meaning that there’s probably a good reason as to why the parents believe that the move is essential, and I am banking on the idea of money for a number of reasons.

One, living in Los Angeles is expensive as hell.

Two, the coping mechanisms Marcy has makes sense if finance is the main comeuppance.

Three, the background art.

And four, why this girl has straight A’s and a PSAT book.

We already covered number one, but let’s take a look at what I mean about coping mechanisms.

Marcy Wu’s many flaws come from what looks to be the fear of being alone, and the fear of being seen as unvaluable and worthless; that if Marcy doesn’t prove herself lovable and essential to the people around her then she gets anxious and will do anything in her powers to make the people around her like her or stay with her.

She will omit information, move along objectives through passive and indirect persuasion, allow people to assert their will over her because they said so and, most importantly, does all of this because she fears the consequences when she gets outed or rocks the boat. Because rocking the boat means people will get mad at her, and she appears to try to avoid that situation of vulnerability like the plague until it all culminated into True Colors.

She is terrified of getting hurt. She is terrified, specifically, of consequences — punishment through stress, frustration, the people she loves looking at her differently because of the mistakes she’s made, etc.

Why do I say this? It’s because if we look into Marcy Wu with her pre-Amphibia self, a lot of these fears could be placed into that middle school scenario very well. Marcy Wu plays videogames and loves fiction because it is a form of escapism or happiness away from stress; she has this intense curiosity to basically anything of interest and uses that to thrive with getting straight A’s and an overall very solid record, but there’s still a probability that high expectations or making the people around her love her comes through said status of being the smart one (after all, she prides on her intellect, and sees it as essential to basically surviving the day to day).

Look at Marcy’s flashback in True Colors. She’s a middle schooler but is studying for the PSAT, which is mainly held in High School, and I’m no expert but I don’t think you read that stuff for fun or at least study it that early.

And I find it interesting that that’s the first shot we get of Marcy before we dive into her parents’ argument — education, studying, the expectation of high scores.

And then when you remember that Marcy is the least athletic of the girls, the thrift shop’s street she retreats to away from her parents is not that faraway from her neighborhood.

And this street, is messy as all hell. And with the revised background art for this area, nothing about the place changes but instead gets emphasized through more shots of how rundown it all looks!

The fact there’s a bail bonds building behind Mar-mar also doesn’t reassure me in the slightest.

So here’s where we are: Studying, getting good grades, a serious financial situation, lives near a rundown section of the city, high expectations, and the evaluation of one’s worth through intellect and academia.

What we are witnessing is a nuanced family situation. If we go by the assumption that the three girls’ lives are not only vastly different in personality but upbringing, then on an income scale, Anne would be middle income, Sasha would be high income, and Marcy is low income.

Her family’s struggling to be stable in a city that they can’t afford to live in, there’s a very high emphasis on good grades and education in the household, and the situation is so bad that her dad would take the proposal of a higher-paying job out of state than finding a similar job out in the city.

However, in this household’s struggle to have a better life, the parents had to focus on their children getting better living than them, and this means Marcy had to live in an environment where the biggest source of reward and praise is through intellect, academics, the approval of the parents.

And I could probably assume that this focus on finance also lead to very rough patches where Marcy was unable to be encouraged over stuff she loves like C&C or videogames, since the level of attention is low compared to the amount of happiness and pride her parents get when she gets an A+.

Especially when we consider that in the dialogue we hear from Mr. and Mrs. Wu, her dad is more assertive while her mom appears to care but doesn’t seem to go against her husband’s tone, so a lot of the probable issues might’ve come from Marcy wanting her dad’s approval and her mother never standing up for her when he became frustrated.

That would make a lot of context with Andrias even worse in retrospect, because that means the moment a male adult figure decided to care about her and give attention to what she loved, then Marcy fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

And could you blame her?

Now, let’s finally get a glimpse on one other character I’ve been neglecting in this essay.

This gal! Because if Marcy and her are somehow related, then we need to question why she was never mentioned or why she wasn’t involved in the conversation between Marcy and her parents.

I’ve done a massive theory post about this already, but the biggest probability comes in the design itself, since if Marcy’s sister went through trade school to be a mechanic/engineer then there’s a high probability she’s in her mid-Twenties. And if we consider that Marcy is 13, then Marcy would’ve been born when her sister was 12 or 13, and ultimately leave the household when she turned 18.

This means Marcy would’ve gone on with less contact from her sister for 6 years, and that’s a lot for a developing child.

It’s not improbable for Marcy to have lost contact with her big sister, or at least had lesser time to meet up with her due to work, college, or her own adult life now that she’s out of the house.

After all, in Maddie and Marcy, I find it very interesting that out of the advice Marcy could’ve given to Maddie about siblings, Marcy tells her that even though Maddie is the older sibling and is allowed to have her own life she suggests that maybe she should make some time for her sisters occasionally. Almost as if this was a ditto moment for her, that she understands but also had a good example of a sister who made time whenever she had the chance.

On more speculation terms, it would be cute to think that the reason Marcy has so much fire and spirit toward her fiction and love for games is because of her sister. After all, Marcy harbors the same interest toward engineering and robotics, it wouldn’t be a stretch in the imagination that perhaps her sister encouraged her to keep on going with what she felt passionate for regardless of their parents’ lack of response, to basically be unapologetic of what she loves, and this mantra kept her going for a lot of her life even when her sis went for trade school.

But let’s go on a side note here. I find it quite interesting that the character design of Marcy’s sis is also very telling, because not only does it tell a supposed story about who she was in the aftermath of graduation, but we could find a way to also put the theme of income and finance into her story as well.

Let’s be real these two are partners in all the way — from mechanics to engineers to straight up girlfriends, these two basically have their own business going on and I find it interesting that none of them just go with robotics or mechanics as a full-time thing, it’s mainly two jobs rolled up into one.

Why is that? There is some speculation that maybe they’re specialists and work in a very science-related area, but it seems highly likely that their main jobs are being car mechanics by day and robotic expert nerds by night. After all, the city can be hecked with money so I wouldn’t be surprised if they did two jobs at once to keep the lights on. I could also see them doing freelancing to repair or experiment with engineering projects since they take more money than actually makes in most cases.

Overall, money plays a big part with the family, and culminates to what I like to call a Massive Shitfest TM when they get alerted over the girls’ disappearances.

Section Four - Massive Shitfest Boogaloo and Where They Are Now~

In the aftermath of their teleport to Amphibia, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Wus had a big argument over Marcy and what should be done in the aftermath. Really, the family still needs to take that job because of finance, people are blaming each other over who pushed her to the brink, and then you have Marcy’s sister — who was probably out of the loop but probably knows how it was in the household — getting added into the mess of what just happened and adding her grief into the mix.

It is a blunder, terrifying and could break apart a family if I’m being honest. but what comes through is this:

People have now become stubborn in the Wu household, and no one is going to back down.

And what I mean is that Mrs. Wu, devastated by what happened ever since the argument in True Colors, will stay in Los Angeles out of grief and a supposed hope that Marcy would return. While Mr. Wu, determined to keep the finance going and keeping everyone stable and safe, abides by Mrs. Wu and decides to go out of state regardless, bringing back a flow of money to keep the Wu household stable through the aftermath.

It would make sense as to why Marcy’s mom is present in the intro but not any suspecting candidates for the dad.

Or how we see that there’s two older ladies with her in the intro. They might actually be close relatives who moved into the household out of the obligation to comfort Mrs. Wu but to also keep her company throughout this dark time in her life.

After all, when one loses a child, a lot of prior relations start to unravel as the status quo changes, and we are definitely going to see Anne confront the Wus and Waybrights when it comes to upbringing and home life.

But really, it is all up in the air. With Season Three around the corner, I am excited to see what the story has in store for us when it comes to the deep-diving into Marcy’s home life. She might’ve had a nuanced family life. She might’ve had abusive parents, perhaps no sister at all but a lot of relatives who grieved for her.

But with this theory out to the public, thank you all for reading along with this massive beast of a post, and I hope we get to see Marcy out of the aloe vera sauce very soon!

#amphibia #marcy wu #amphibia analysis #amphibia season three #amphibia theory #bork speaks #THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG

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preemshots · 4 years

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johnny + the nomads lore

alright, i know this is a screenshots blog but i'm going to go ahead and start dropping some juicy lore tidbits as i dig them up. part of what i'm doing outside of just photo diarying is shard hunting, and BOY is there a lot the game likes to hide in those little shards for idiots like me who like to read so we can write unnecessarily accurate fanfiction!

full disclosure, i know jack shit about the TTRPG/cyberpunk 2020 rulebook except what i read in the wikis.

so here’s my lore roundup so far of everything i know about johnny joining the nomads

we know johnny likes to narrate v’s quest objectives. here’s the first mention where he says it himself:

during the voodoo boys quest "transmission" there's a shard in the maglev tunnels beside the ice bath, presumably from brigitte's research into johnny in the first place:

okay, so the timeline is this: johnny joins the nomads after trying and failing to rescue alt. johnny hides out in the badlands for some years. then he and rogue come back to night city and nuke arasaka tower help alt escape the arasaka subnet by uploading liberator to their network once and for all.

this ultimately makes sense. in alt’s flashback, we meet santiago, who is a nomad/connected to nomads, joins rogue and johnny when they're trying to get alt back, and eventually becomes the leader of the aldecaldos.

part of santiago’s TTRPG lore is that he, johnny, and rogue have to lay low in the badlands with nomads after they storm arasaka headquarters (i am aware the game takes many liberties with the original lore so who knows the full accuracy of anything from the original rulebooks)

ENDING spoilers: in the rogue+johnny storming AHQ ending, it's revealed that rogue has a son while they're prepping for the job. if you eavesdrop on her calling him while you're at the afterlife, you hear her tell her son to (paraphrasing here) "pull over and look at the stars", which immediately made my brain go to: nomad, badlands, santiago = dad? maybe. (santiago also canonically has a son according to the TTRPG lore)

this immediately reminded me of another interesting shard that i believe you can find in multiple locations around night city: “"what REALLY happened in arasaka tower?“

i love this dang shard. at first i thought it was just a cute conspiracy with some juicy gossip (and i love how 99% of the shards that mention johnny in this game are reminding us that he's not a real rebel, he's a poser) but it brings some interesting shit together

one: it tells us where johnny got his hands on the nukes! he and the nomads jumped a militech convoy and jacked some bombs!

which is never directly explained, even as saburo arasaka is interrogating him shortly before using soulkiller. very nice of johnny to protect his homies like that.

...or maybe he didn’t. saburo emphasizes that the dead don’t lie like the living do, and we don’t know what exactly arasaka did to johnny’s construct in mikoshi.

it also explains why the obvious media narrative is that militech nuked arasaka, a nice neat political bow to the end of the fourth corpo wars, which is an entire section of the TTRPG lore that makes my eyes cross when i read it.

it also makes the star/nomads ending extremely interesting, because i originally believed it was the ending where V’s journey deviates the most from rewalking johnny’s path... which also has weird implications if the johnny’s nomad era is being kept from v.

(this also leads into my belief that the star ending/the devil ending are narratively two sides of the same coin, but that’s a WHOLE ANOTHER POST for another day.)

TWO, just straight up the fact that they turned the raid where they actually obtained the nukes into an action flick BD that pretty much ANYONE could watch. who the hell was doing that??

well, who else other than the guy who johnny (optionally) punched the shit out of for filming alt's death: thompson, media guy, and according to rogue, “bad luck”. because you know, recording your crimes is straight up evidence that can be used against you.

during the alt flashback we meet thompson, and just after that in cyberspace before meeting alt, johnny tells v that he has no idea what happened to him and that they never worked together again.

oh, johnny, you lying bastard man

this is blatantly untrue, and if V even had two braincells and better memory than a goldfish they'd know this--in the first flashback sequence where johnny and rogue nuke arasaka tower, thompson is on the comms as they ride the AV towards AHQ, questioning their plans and use of violence.

which leaves me with some questions, like where the fuck is thompson, why does johnny keep lying about this, why doesn't johnny say almost anything about how you interact with the aldecaldo clan nonstop throughout the game when he himself may have been a member of the family for some time?? is he continuing to protect the nomad clan that saved his ass? we know that a lot of his flashbacks are unreliable at best, that johnny changes shit up as desired when presenting V with his memories.

in 2077, you can also find that there’s a remake of “badlands raid” in the shard “new release braindances” that is pretty much everywhere. that shard doesn’t add much, but does mention something along the lines of “many people don’t know the ending of the original” which probably means johnny punched thompson out for filming again, or something.

my running theories: rogue ditched santiago and the aldecaldos with johnny and thompson to nuke arasaka tower, and when johnny died she was stuck looking for (heavily implied by johnny here:) corpo sellout ways to survive.

adam smasher obviously has something to do with this since johnny/rogue's vendetta against the guy isn't entirely clear beyond the smokescreen of "he killed johnny and he sucks". i have done 0 research into this though i'm tired of typing okay

i obviously cannot be certain i have found everything related to this in the game as i’m not even done with this playthrough where i’m trying to pay attention, but i hope this is fun for someone else to dig into.

enjoy, fellow silverhand freaks

EDIT: additional findings

ALRIGHT I HAVE DONE MORE DIGGING AND I AM BACK WITH MORE NOMAD/JOHNNY FINDINGS. these ones are kind of a bummer but VERY interesting.

there’s a shard called “excerpts from a history of the nomads by bb pires” that goes into detail about how nomads came to be

there’s an interesting quote in it: It's hard to imagine a group less inclined to wandering than farmers, but in fact they were the ones who sparked the age of nomads. Natural catastrophes, crops ravaged by bioplagues, armed conflicts and martial law allowing corporations to speculate and privatize land - all this forced them into a life on the road.

when you ask johnny why he wants to take down arasaka, he begins by referencing this himself!!

it’s a little awkward to imagine a nomad V doesn’t also know what he’s referencing, but hey, V is the fool because we are as players and that’s only one life path... so sure.

johnny also has unique dialogue during this scene about a nomad origin V, telling them that he’s been trying to understand how V thinks, and came to the conclusion that “their family was a crutch” and essentially made them stupid because they always had a safety net (lmao johnny calling v privileged basically)

BUT this also may reference why johnny would find it confusing as hell that V doesn’t immediately share the views he does when nomads, in terms of values, seem to be more aligned with johnny than V is. but once again V is the fool for a reason and this is all my own speculation so YOU KNOW.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, at the end of chippin’ in, when you ask johnny what he meant by letting down his friends... santiago is named directly

i thought this was interesting since the only glimpse of their relationship that we get is seeing johnny meeting santiago via the alt flashback for the first time.

so now it’s obvious that while johnny and rogue were with the nomads their friendship developed, and johnny went on to disappoint santiago in some way by being his normal dickhead self

but HOW? how did he disappoint santiago? is santiago even still alive?? did smasher kill santiago and is this why rogue mentions during chippin’ in that she wants smasher to “settle a score” moreso than avenge johnny??

the only additional hints i have are from this shard, which you can find at the aldecaldos camp: “nomads at ground zero”

i’m just gonna transcribe here and bold for emphasis:

It was no secret that Night Corp offered generous pay and, in some cases, free cyberware and biomonitor upgrades to anyone willing to help clean up the crater of radioactive rubble at AHQ ground zero. Some firsthand accounts recall the incessant ticking of Geiger counters, like the loud buzz of cicadas in summer. In retrospect, we can only guess how many "crater cleaners" lost their lives to radiation sickness shortly thereafter. Both the city government and Night Corp have claimed casualties were kept to a minimum, while providing no official statistics to substantiate the claim. That being said, they have never been under pressure to release such figures. After all, most rescue, engineering, and rubble cleanup teams were not local Night Citizens, but nomads. Surprised you didn't know? Don't be. It is a fact many history courses tend to overlook. The city employed hundreds of nomad mercenaries, primarily from clans in Aldecaldo nation. These nomads were hungry for gainful work and the city needed experts who were not only experienced but brave enough to knowingly put their lives on the line - all so Arasaka could one day erect another tower in its place. But history is not without its sense of irony. These nomads, who so deliberately live outside our so-called "system," came to its very rescue. Not for the first time. And not for the last.

a main theme we find in this game is the idea that the system of corps and exploitation cannot be stopped by grandiose rebellious gestures--no amount of samurai songs, assassinating mayors, or even planting nukes in towers will change things. yet johnny, his friends and mercs at atlantis in the 2020s, including rogue, chose to rebel any way they could, thinking it better than not. johnny criticizes her lack of rebellious spirit CONSTANTLY in 2077.

but ultimately, johnny, trapped in mikoshi, didn’t get to see the outcome of what detonating the AHQ nukes did to night city’s fragile ecosystem. rogue, however, did--and likely watched their former allies, the aldecaldos, be forced to take dangerous work at AHQ’s ground zero (from lack of other opportunities as detailed in this shard), then die from radiation sickness throughout the following decades, all as a result of what she and johnny did to try and fight the system. and she also watched all the former mercenaries of atlantis be hunted down by arasaka.

so rogue sees firsthand what the cost of rebellion is and johnny doesn’t. and nomads, considered the most free of any of the factions we encounter in the game, are the cost.

#lore post #johnny silverhand #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk lore

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thethrillof · 3 years

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📓📖📚

ty~! we got ut/dr, the batman, and hollow knight under the cut b/c it feels p long

ut/dr: some kind of crossover where frisk meets spamton. the plot is vague but i think frisk would be fascinated by him, reminded of the amalgamates and the skelebros from all his glitch stuff.

idea where they end up talking on the phone accidentally and then somehow go to find him, and then try (fruitlessly) to find a way to contact what they think was his Player/partner who just quit on him before his good ending was secured who does that?

and meanwhile spamton just sees them as a weird mark who reminds him of that other lightner (depending on where in the drch2 timeline it’s set, idk) until they just keep sticking with him even after things go south.

there’s a lot of mutual trauma involving vines.

the batman (2004): introducing the Mad Hatter in a way that’s less creepy than the dude usually tends to be!

extremely shortened version: shows up and starts screwing around gotham while the batman is distracted by justice league stuff and something about a stolen superweapon the government’s kept hush-hush. still, he’s not about to let this guy do what he wants, especially since he seems to have a kid who’s like 11 under mind-control as his alice.

so the batfam tries to save the kid and capture hatter, it’s rough, there are lots of other innocent people they need to nab the mind-control hats off of, nobody is having a good time.

and then someone gets the one “alice” was wearing off.

and everything explodes.

the batfam get out of there via batplane. they don’t know what happened. they do think it’s a normal explosion until they look back and see a twisted version of Wonderland’s woods and realize: no it is not!

so about that stolen superweapon.

her designation was Project: ACE. a massively powerful psychic locked away since infancy. jervis tetch was one of the only ones at the containment facility that was nice to her, letting her have entertainment, including reading Alice in Wonderland...but he was still one of them.

when she inevitably tore her way out, he was prepared to let her kill him. when she read his mind, she saw that he didn’t want to die, though he wasn’t going to resist; he wanted to not be one of the people who kept her locked up, who studied her, who made her miserable. he didn’t want to be that person.

so she overwrote most of his memories and personality to become the Mad Hatter. he wasn’t that person anymore! and he could never hurt her again. :3

and now the batfam has to work out how to stop her and possibly get the “mind control” ribbon she’d been wearing back on, which was actually a custom-made power dampener she and hatter had made together to keep herself from losing control outside of the facility.

hollow knight: the newly-ascended Lord of Shades having to try to control themselves as they are now massively powerful and, while the little knight is mostly in control, the little shades locked away in the abyss who died at essentially infancy with 0 other experience are also in there, influencing things. also godseeker is still in there somewhere, heaping frantic praise upon them despite them literally bursting out of her in agonizing ways, so that’s another level of stress. she can’t hear them well enough to be quiet when she’s telling them she and the rest of her people will serve their every whim.

so very upset void god that keeps just popping up out of the woodwork scaring the shit out of people until they learn to settle down.

lemm probably helps with that, because while he wants to protect his own skin, he’s not letting some monster destroy the collection he’s amassed over his time in hallownest so easily.

a less-than-finger-sized relic seeker yelling and trying to be intimidating when coming from under the city’s water to stay way from his shop? shockingly good at knocking them out of a destructive panic attack!

#anonymous

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 4 years

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Lily (from "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus", what else?) and Lenin and maybe some other people? Watch "Heathers". Reactions? Or what they get transported there? Sorry, it's just that I'm in this Heathers-obsession phase and since I love your work so much (and the fact that Trotsky is kinda sorta like JD) I've been wondering about a crossover like that. I honestly have no idea what your answer to this will entail.

I’ve been musing on this one for a bit now but I suppose it’s time to dig in and answer.

First, I’m not usually a fan of the “X characters watch Y thing” so we’re going to avoid that. Also, to Wizard Lenin, it’d undoubtedly be yet another one of Lily’s weird 80′s movies that she loves so much and forces him to watch. It’s less gory than Predator, but dammit Lily, high school isn’t like this!

Getting transported there is a similarly weird story. It’s such a muggle setting that it really doesn’t mesh well with the “Sisyphus” cast. Why would Lily and Wizard Lenin be stuck in this high school in Ohio? Would they even do anything besides go “That JD kid sure is weird” and “Wow, the death count here is higher than Hogwarts!”? Point being, I can’t imagine they’d get entangled in the true plot of “Heathers” and at best would be providing riff track commentary on this crazy high school.

So, instead, let’s go the good old fusion route. Let’s make the world of “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” just a bit more like “Heathers” and see how it pans out.

Because “Heathers” is all about the destruction of society from within, we’re axing Voldemort. Sorry, Tom, you got stuck in a magical mirror, eaten by bears, or something after 1943 and are going to be Sir Not Appearing in this Universe. As a result, there’s no Voldemort, but the deep societal issues that Tom took advantage of very much remain and are flourishing.

In this world, Lily is still a god, but is not immediately recognized as such by being the girl who lived. Instead, she’s just a strange, dangerously overpowered, nuisance that nobody likes. And her home life is trash.

I imagine in the world without Voldemort, Death Eaters, and a second war Lily and James’ marriage quickly crumbles. This is mainly due to the stress of marriage but also due to having a gifted, ridiculously intelligent, and creepy child. Within a few years, Lily Evans has the audacity to do what is never done: she divorces her pureblood lord husband and tries to vie for child custody. She loses, of course, as she’s a muggle born woman, and is basically banished from ever seeing her kid again.

James never really gets over this, Ellie looking so much like Lily Evans certainly not helping matters, and over the years grows very cold to her. She’s not a son so is useless to inherit, she’s nothing like him, and she’s just an all around disappointment. James very quickly gets remarried for political purposes, marrying a far less scandelous pureblood witch from pick your prestigious family, and they have a son meaning that Lily is no longer heir.

Lily thus attends Hogwarts as essentially the half-blood Potter. She’s for all intents and purposes a bastard child, one barely acknowledged by her father, and is also weird. As a result I imagine she’s bullied relentlessly much in the manner Luna is. For years.

I imagine Luna Lovegood is her only friend, as the pair have bonded over constantly having their stuff destroyed and being locked out of their dormitories.

Enter Lily’s seventh year and thus the plot.

The outside world is looming and Lily effectively has no future. Despite being the daughter of Lord Potter, she’s in a similar position that Tom Riddle was. She won’t be hired into the Ministry or basically any position thanks to her dubious heritage as well as the fact that no one likes her.

Mostly, she just wants out. She wants out of the country where everyone knows exactly who she is and where she came from. Her best hope for this is employment with the goblins but she needs recommendations from a professor. Her best bet is Slughorn, but while he’s always been awed of her ability after seven years of Lily the charm has worn off. Lily has never received an invitation to the Slug Club.

Lily realizes that to get out she must become popular so someone can vouch for her to Slughorn. Not to mention her life might become slightly, slightly, less miserable. So, Lily approaches the Heathers. Much like in the film/musical, Lily offers her services to them for the fee of making nice, pretending to like her, and getting her an in with Slughorn.

This spirals out of control as the Heathers instead do the makeover and make Lily suddenly cool. She’s suddenly invited to parties, people talk to her, it’s a whole new world.

Around this time, Lily in the room of requirement happens to stumble across the diary (nevermind how he gets there, we’ll pretend Tom just never managed to smuggle him out of the castle). Tom has been trapped in there, dying, and Lily obliviously informs him that all his ambitions and sacrifices amounted to nothing. There was no dark lord after Grindelwald, she’s never heard of a Tom Riddle, and everything she describes makes it sound like nothing has changed.

Tom Riddle inexplicably vanished off the face of the earth leaving only the diary behind.

Naturally, Tom is very pissed about this, and sets about plotting how he can return, trying to get Lily to open up by asking her for help returning him to his body. Lily does him one better and just returns him to his body without any sacrifice, casually remarking that she’s always been like this as long as she can remember, fully accepting Tom to yell “SHE’S A WITCH! BURN HER!” to her face as everyone else does.

Tom, however, is floored and everything he’s ever known to be true is thrown out the window. He decides to make Lily his new pet project.

Unfortunately for him, by this point Lily has a Slug Club to attend, only it goes horribly wrong. The Heathers have purposefully set about humiliating Luna, Lily’s only friend, and Lily has to very publicly break ties with them even though it means sacrificing her only real chance of leaving the country with gainful employment. Worse, the Heathers promise wrath the likes of which Lily has never seen before.

Lily, devastated and despairing, goes back to Tom and confesses all the shitiness of her extremely shitty life and how she doesn’t even know what the Heathers will do to her now. Tom finds this a little odd, as Lily has quickly proven herself the most powerful person on the planet, but he’s willing to play along. More to the point, Lily and Tom’s relationship goes from 0 to 100 as he is not only the first guy to show interest in her but he’s very very interested and very very hot. When Lily decides to beg Alpha Heather for forgiveness, Tom notes that he’ll come with, he’s better with people than she is.

Tom, having hit a low point of nihilist rage thanks to Voldemort having amounted to nothing, poisons Alpha Heather and dutifully covers for Lily by writing her suicide note. This works. There is an ecstasy of joyous grief throughout the school as staff and students alike confess how they never knew the true Heather. Lily is astounded, Tom is ecstatic.

Lily tries to return to life as normal, goes back to hanging out with Luna, but also has to introduce Tom to the school. Tom suggests she mind wipes everyone, that makes Lily uncomfortable, so she instead confesses what she believes is the truth in that Tom was trapped in an enchanted object. Dumbledore nearly has a stroke, but since Tom Riddle never became Voldemort, it’s more that this is a solution to an unsolved mystery and the castle is glad Tom isn’t actually dead. They’d thought he got hit by one of those muggle bombs during WWIII or whatever it was the muggles had going on.

HA HA HA HA, but no, Tom says in response.

In the meantime Tom gets to witness Lily’s weird and strained relationship with her father, his friends, and her younger half-brother. Tom points out that Lily seeking out gainful employment is unnecessary. Lily doesn’t have to be a part of society, like all these worthless people around her, she’s so powerful that she can do whatever she likes however she likes it. She can simply leave the country, she could become a dark lord even, there’s nothing stopping her. Lily’s never thought of it like that before, to become a true part of society, to be accepted on some level by that society, has always just seemed like the obvious path to her. What else would she do?

Due to this, Lily and Tom’s relationship continues to grow as they’re really the first people to see each other as they are. Naturally, this is when shit hits the fan. Thanks to Tom, Lily’s invited to another Slug Club with him (Tom can still become minister even if he was trapped in a book for fifty years! Slughorn says). Lily gets hit on and nearly sexually assaulted by some of the boys there, Lily gets out, but the next day rumor circulates around the school that Lily was in a threesome with them.

Tom Riddle sets up a ridiculous scheme in which he fakes their murder suicide where they confess to being homosexual. Lily is increasingly horrified. The school, once again, is in an ecstasy of joyful grief over the loss of these two, beautiful, oppressed, gay souls. Lily realizes that Tom is A Bad Dude (TM) and tries to confront him. He easily confesses he cares nothing about these people and has decided he wants to watch society burn. These are the people who thought he had died in the Blitz and did nothing. They are people who cannot and will not change. They’re the absentee fathers who dote on far less powerful, pureblood, sons. Tom has officially, completely, given up on the wizarding world and now he will destroy it as quickly and horrifically as he can. Lily, not belonging to society, can pour the kerosene on with him.

This is getting a little too gnarly for Lily and she dumps Tom.

Unfortunately, he quickly becomes exceedingly popular thanks to his angelic face, his natural charm and charisma, and his understanding of people. He passes around a petition for suicide and bullying awareness that everybody and their brother signs. What they’re really signing is pages from the diary which, much like Death Note, promises him both their magic and their life force.

Tom confronts Lily and admits he’s going to murder everybody, an entire generation of wizards and witches gone in an instant, AND LILY CAN BE HIS DARK QUEEN! Lily and Tom get into a fight, Tom accidentally murders the shit out of her and is devestated, only of course for Lily to wake up later after he’s left because she was unwittingly immortal this whole time.

Rising from the dead, Lily hunts Tom down before he can blow up the school, and sucks him back into the diary. Upon graduation Lily makes up with Luna, still has no prospects and plans to go and be homeless in India, has hesitantly gotten in contact with Lily Evans, basically has no contact left with her father, and has a boyfriend diary named Tom who might be let out in fifty years if he promises not to blow up a school.

#ask #anon #lily and the art of being sisyphus #heathers

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miraculouscontent · 4 years

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Hi! I read one of your tags saying you didn't like Madoka Magica or where it was going, and I just wanted to know why this is so. Personally I detested how the show punishes the girls for being "selfish", wanting to be MGs so they can grant their wishes and defend themselves, and even has the nerve to say that boys can't be magical because they're not EmOtIoNaL enough to be exploited by an alien jackass race. Magical girl shows are supposed to empower women but this show does the opposite.

Gonna keep this “short” (for my standards) and to bullet points:

100% agree that both the gender thing (it just gets really boring just from a visual standpoint, though that’s more of a criticism I have with a lot of magical girl shows) and the “punishing the girls for wanting something” is... yeah.

Saw the Homura twist from like ten thousand miles away; her not knowing Madoka, Madoka apparently being super special, etcetera.

Going off of the previous point, I really, REALLY hate the idea that some girls are just inherently more “destined” for greater magical powers than others; I know it’s supposed to be ironic because Homura trying to save Madoka is the exact thing that made Madoka so powerful but that doesn’t make it GOOD.

The head chomp at Mami in Episode 3 that is literally just there for shock value? Yeah, I felt nothing. It’s clearly there and set up to get a reaction and nothing else which... it’s the same for Miraculous: if a show is deliberately setting up situations for the sake of shock value (think about Chloe and how they made sure Ladybug only said, “I can’t give you the miraculous back because IDENTITIES,” and not, “I can’t give you the miraculous back because you’re a terrible person who does terrible things,” just for the sake of shocking the people who were still hoping for a Chloe redemption; meanwhile, the head writer for Madoka Magica LITERALLY lied to people about something as basic as a character’s name origin so the fans would be misled to think that the show was sweet and innocent), then it’s doing a terrible job.

I get the soul gem “WE’RE ZOMBIES” thing in concept, but at the same time... it’s still a soul??? It was just placed in another form and the user still has control of their body and now they’re super strong unless the gem is harmed?? If anything, I think it could’ve (if the show cared about anything more than twists and shock value and angst and tonal shifts) led to a bunch of really cute scenes of one magical girl giving their soul gem to them significant other/friend to just hold onto while they hang out as a sort of, “literally trusting you with my life,” gesture. I had the same feeling while playing Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth (except I’m actually having fun with that so far) where it’s like wait why is having this half-cyber body bad, i can literally hop into TVs to escape my responsibilities and travel through cyberspace.

I don’t buy that Homura gets these magical time powers and yet somehow still couldn’t find a way to save everyone because of reasons that are there just for angst.

Whaaaa, Kyoko the “jerk” character is actually just really tragic and a good person deep down and the narrative will have her sacrifice herself to make sure you care about her? I’m about as shocked as rubber.

+ her whole sacrifice for Sayaka thing was so rushed and ugggggh.

This is my only real nitpick here but I don’t like the scene of Homura and Madoka about to be corrupted because I don’t like any scene of anything where it’s like “let’s die together” and then the other one is like “lol actually--” since that person is basically saying, “I’m just gonna casually let you deal with the guilt of knowing that I had to sacrifice something to save you and also make you mourn me being dead while knowing I had to die without you so you could live.” I understand the concept of “if you can save a person then do it” but then there’s the emotional toll that puts on said person.

I despise the Rebellion movie with a burning passion. I know the symbolism of the flower scene and I still don’t like it because Madoka talking about how she “wouldn’t leave her friends” or whatever is the trigger for Homura to act on it and it’s a total misunderstanding because Goddess Madoka literally hasn’t left ANYONE because Sayaka is basically her right-hand woman. Also, apparently Homura can just grab the hands of a LITERAL GODDESS and that stops her and Homura is just lol I’m a demon with the powers of a god now. (completely missed opportunity to punish Kyubey by giving them emotions 0/10 would never watch again) It’s all so contrived like you know, these other incubators who are casually going to set up a trap for a freaking goddess.

This series is angst. It’s just... a lot of angst. Someone got with some people and did a “subversion” of the “happy magical girl anime” by making everything angst and that’s it’s. The needless drama, the entire witch thing that is basically inevitable (because needing to just stay emotionally and mentally healthy to keep one’s Soul Gem going would be actually compelling - showing a girl’s struggle between fighting witches to keep their Soul Gem healthy which is “easier” but not as sustainable, or working on themselves as a person which is “hard” but better in the long run - so they just have the Soul Gem deteriorate regardless of magic usage instead), the fact that basically all wishes turn sour anyway or their life goes downhill which defeats the purpose of wishing, and all of the shock value (again, lying to people so they’ll be surprised; sound like anyone we know?). Some people eat angst up like it’s candy and I just... don’t. I demand more because seeing what is essentially nothing but suffering is incredibly boring. It just feels like a step-by-step process on how to make everything progressively worse, and having Homura essentially become the villain in Rebellion so that a truly happy ending can’t happen despite all of the angst throughout the entire series was just way too exhausting.

In conclusion, Madoka Magica is just angst with a “cute magical girl” coat of paint slapped on for the sake of shocking people. I feel no reason to grow attached to any of the characters because I know that they’ll all be met with a terrible fate at some point anyway. I don’t necessarily mind angst in general (if something is tagged “Angst With a Happy Ending” then I’ll probably sneak a peek) but it has to serve a purpose and I’m not seeing it here. I hear the characters talk about certain expectations (like Mami being excited not to be alone) and I’m just, “okay so you’re becoming a witch in like two episodes then.”

Same thing happened when I watched Fullmetal Alchemist (yes, both of them, which I also don’t enjoy for similar reasons): I saw characters who were clearly very happy-go-lucky/lame/had nice lives and others who were just obviously made to be sunshine and rainbows on Earth and I’m like, “Yeah, you’ll be dead within the hour at maximum.” I guess it’s just hard for shows to emotionally manipulate me like that because I can pick up on cues too easily which ends up making things incredibly predictable?

#other: non ml talk #other: ask and answer

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molluskwritesfic · 4 years

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Between Rivers Chapter Three

A Mandalorian can't show their face to anyone - with the exception of immediate family. Although they haven't known each other long, there's definitely something growing between them. But is it enough? When an ex-spy must look beneath the helmet to save Din Djarin's life, there's only one option that allows him to continue following his Creed. Marriage.

This story can also be found on Fanfiction.net and Ao3.

Chapter One - Previous Chapter - This Chapter - Next Chapter

Chapter Three

Morning came gently on Movet. The sun’s rays found the mountaintops long before it reached the valleys, setting the snow on the peaks ablaze with white fire, which in turn reflected into the lower regions and cast them in an ethereal glow.

Din, of course, was awake long before then. He’d slept well on the bed of soft furs, having removed most of his armor save for the helmet. By the time he’d decided to sleep, he had relaxed enough to believe that the quarry had no ill intentions towards him, but that hadn’t stopped him from wedging the desk chair under the door and drifting off with his blaster in hand.

He took the predawn birdsong as his signal to start the day. Each piece of armor went back into place like scales. Despite the battered and worn nature of each piece, despite the dents and scratches - some present when he’d received it, others added since - he buckled each in place with reverence. His armor was an extension of himself. It kept him alive. It was his Creed. The Way.

When everything was in place, he was again tempted back into the front rooms by the smell of cooking. He made his way back to the kitchen, only to freeze in the doorway at the sight of a stranger fussing over a pan of bacon and eggs.

His hand had actually flown to his blaster before he recognized the elegant heart shaped face and squat build. Despite not having looked up at his entrance, a small amused smile twitched on the quarry’s lips.

“Glad to know my disguise is effective,” she said brightly.

Her hair was a little shorter now, hanging loose around her shoulders instead of draping down her back in a braid. The auburn hair he’d come to associate with her had been smothered by a rich shade of raven black. It was still damp from being rinsed. Beneath the smell of bacon was the bitter tang of dye.

Din nodded curtly. “It is.”

He was unexpectedly disappointed. Not that his opinion mattered in the slightest, but he’d thought the original fiery auburn had suited her quite well.

She hummed her appreciation and slid half of the bacon and eggs into a plate, which she passed to him, saying, “Well, we can’t all maintain anonymity behind a helmet, Mandalorian.”

“I suppose not.”

Her eyes were different too. Dark brown.

He tilted his head curiously.

Her brow furrowed for a moment as she studied him, then relaxed with an easy smirk. “Oh, the eyes! Colored contacts.”

“Huh.” He had to hand it to her, if he had just seen her in passing, he never would have known. “It’s… very good.”

She nodded at the half-forgotten plate he held. “Eat. I will tend the olfdo, and then we may leave.”

~0~0~0~ . ~0~0~0~

Half an hour later, they set out to find the Razor Crest. Din described the small clearing he’d landed in and where it was in reference to the river. The quarry said that she already knew.

He didn’t ask how.

As agreed, he didn’t comment on the blaster she tucked in her waistband or the knife hidden within her boot, though he did pay careful attention to them - just in case she changed her mind about their deal.

It was a long walk, but a nice one. Yesterday he had been in hunting mode and couldn’t afford to admire the sunlight filtering through the monolithic evergreen trees - even as he slunk through them. Now, he was able to appreciate the way the spongy carpet of lichen and fallen pine needles absorbed the sound of his footfalls as well as the faint hum of birdsong and summer insects that disguised his modulated breaths. Small mammals scurried through the underbrush, occasionally startling and diving back into burrows.

Some of the wolves - or olfdo, as the quarry called them - trailed after them for a while, weaving in and out of underbrush and snapping playfully at the insects they stirred up as they went. But eventually they melted one by one into the foliage.

He and the quarry chatted as they walked. Din found himself starting to enjoy her company. Although she neatly skirted any indirect inquiries about why she had a bounty on her or why she chose such an isolated place to retire, she was more than happy to discuss the olfdo, the landscape, and the Movetian lifestyle.

As expected, she was a jack of all trades. She talked woodworking, hunting, fishing, tanning, and local flora and fauna. Apparently she had a very large underground greenhouse where she grew vegetables and wildflower seedlings all year long.

He asked her what else she had hidden underground.

She chuckled knowingly, a sly glint in her dark eyes. “The essentials.”

Din had no idea what that meant, but was privately relieved that she’d been ready to strike a deal instead of making him work for her payload.

When they reached the energy perimeter, he was surprised to see it live and buzzing with electricity, as he hadn’t put it back up after deactivating it when he crossed. The quarry deactivated it with practiced ease and let him through.

He looked up from watching her recouple the lines to see Nana, the olfdo from the day before, standing on the other side and looking a little dejected. She twitched her ears at the Mandalorian and wagged her tail slowly.

“They gonna be okay while you’re gone?”

The quarry didn’t bother looking up from her work. “Yes. They have food.”

He hated to point out the obvious, but did so anyway. “And if you don’t come back?”

She sniffed. “They can also hunt.”

He nodded slowly, folding his arms across his chest. “There enough game within the perimeter?”

She nodded distractedly. “Mhm. Most of the time. The fielkir… the… the elk-deer… They jump straight over the barrier and come in and out all the time.”

Din grunted in acknowledgement.

“And, worse case, the olfdo can leave and hunt beyond,” she went on. “They do not like to, but the electricity doesn’t slow the adults down much…”

Din filed that away for later.

“...but it keeps the young ones in. And most predators out.”

His head tipped to the side. “The Olarba?”

The barrier hummed back to life. The quarry turned to face him, expression dark. “Most of the time.”

From there, it didn’t take long to reach the Crest. By then, it was well into the afternoon and the small clearing he’d stowed the ship in was slanted with golden light.

The quarry hummed her approval as she padded across the mossy ground, appraising the blaster cannons with an experienced eye. “Pre-Empire. Solid design. You’ve done well to keep her from the Imperial impounds.”

Din tapped at his vambrace, unlocking the hatch and lowering the ramp before leading the way onboard. The darkness within was welcoming after the long trek across unfamiliar woodland. A few of the lights flickered on, but didn’t offer much besides illuminating the dull metal walls and a few of the dusty crates shoved into the corners. It was empty and decrepit, but it was home. Or at least the closest thing he had to one.

The quarry’s soft footsteps on the ramp reminded him that there was more to do before he could relax. Din turned to face her. She stood between him and the hatch, framed by sunlight. He couldn’t make out her eyes in the darkness, but her stance was non threatening and relaxed.

“What’s the plan from here?” He asked, a little uncertain.

The quarry peered around his shoulder, her eyes flickering around the bay before settling on the carbonite freezer and the other bounties stowed behind it. She nodded satisfactorily to herself.

“Your normal method is the freezer, I take it. We can conclude our business now, then.”

Din frowned. “You sure?”

She felt inside one of her coat’s interior pockets and came away with a hefty pouch of credits. She bounced it once in her hand before holding it out to him.

When she spoke again, it was without her usual brusque Movetian accent, but with a different lilt that sounded as if it had been derived from Huttese and then lightly textured with slave cant. She delivered it flawlessly.

“Yeah. It’s the easiest way. For both of us, I think.”

He was still processing the sudden change in tone as she trotted over to the carbonite freezer and settled back into the harness. He finally followed, the credit pouch held forgotten in his hand.

She looked up at him expectantly.

Din hesitated, but wasn’t entirely sure why. Yeah, it was easier. Especially for him. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t look forward to being alone on his ship, deep in hyperspace where he could take off his helmet without constantly having to be on guard. But he’d found her to be easy company, something that didn’t happen often in his field of work, and he was at loathe to lose it so quickly.

A glimmer of surprise crossed her face. She studied him, her brown furrowed with concern. “Is there a problem?”

He flushed hot with embarrassment, but didn’t outwardly express it.

“No,” he grunted. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I’ve been in carbonite before,” she added. “I know what to expect. When you’re ready.”

He nodded once, then pressed the button on the side of the harness. When the fog cleared, he was left staring at her pretty face, stiff and lifeless under a coat of cold metal. Her eyes had squeezed closed at the last moment, her brow furrowed, frozen in an expression of mild discomfort.

Despite knowing that this was what she wanted, Din couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Would it have been wrong to insist that she stay out of the carbonite until they reached Nevarro? He didn’t have much to offer, but a part of him would’ve liked the opportunity to return her hospitality.

He scoffed at himself. Yeah, field rations and an uncomfortable bunk. Nice, Djarin.

The trip to Nevarro felt longer than usual. Din spent the trip doing his best to push the quarry out of his mind. He still had questions, of course. She was strange, yes, but fascinating. The name on the fob was Ena Sma, but from what he’d seen, he doubted that it was her real one. Just how many aliases did she have? And why?

He lost the chance to ask when he turned the fob over to Karga. He didn’t watch her be unloaded from the cargo hold of his ship.

He never tried to figure out what happened to her after, if she cleaned up the issue with the spice dealers or got killed in the process. He tried to convince himself that he didn’t care, but caught himself toying with the idea of visiting Movet again.

More than once.

Each time, he roughly dismissed the thought. What did it matter to him? She’d kept her end of the deal and he was 10,000 credits better for it. Part of his end had been to stay away from her little homestead. Not to mention that he had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn’t be welcomed back with open arms,

Needless to say, he didn’t think he’d ever see her again.

~0~0~0~ .

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tcthetouch · 4 years

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@mapleviewstarters

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳, 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 – 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳-𝘣𝘺-𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 – 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 (𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵). 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵.

『 dev patel. twenty-nine. cis man. he/him. 』 oh heavens, is that LOUIS BHATT from CHESTNUT DRIVE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -OBSESSIVE & -IMPATIENT. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool ARCHIVIST at MAPLEVIEW PUBLIC LIBRARY and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +ORGANIZED & +RATIONAL. i hope i see them around again! 『 may. 21. est. she/her. 』

hello hello ! after some delay,, i am here,, w information on louis ! while my roommate’s boyfriend makes the weirdest noises i hate it !

backstory:

triggers: near-death/death, something that’s suicide attempt -adjacent but... not directly a suicide attempt because the end goal wasn’t actually death, terminal illness ( cystic fibrosis - but no, not 5 feet apart )

Louis was born and raised in Mapleview, NC. His parents had moved to the Carolinas after years in LA, finding that… maybe the reason they were having trouble conceiving was because of the stress of city life?

Perhaps that was true. Perhaps that wasn’t. It probably wasn’t. Indeed, it was probably just dumb luck that they finally succeeded when his mother was 36, a late pregnancy which prompted them to keep a close eye on little Louis’s health.

When he came out perfectly healthy on the 7th of December, they simply could not have been more joyous. So they celebrated him, born on a lucky day.

He started his life as a fun-loving guy! A kid who played with everyone turned into a teenager who had no shortage of friends. Being a bit of a stoner, he wormed his way into a tight-knit group… that was pretty much full of other stoners.

However, his fun-loving nature changed on a fateful day when he and his friends found a man, so close to death. They managed to get him to the hospital in time to save his life, but Louis was changed that day. Their hometown hero status didn’t mean much to Louis – no, he just wanted to become acquaintances with the man and figure out what it was he saw during those moments of half-death.

And so acquaintances they became. The man telling Louis that he saw nothing, recalled nothing, felt nothing… it brought both terror and peace to the young man.

It also brought morbid curiosity. He began withdrawing from his friends and family, really only continuing to speak to Adrien and their other friend (wc on main!) as they had actually been there. They’d shared that experience that Louis’s therapist called ‘trauma.’

A few months after the incident, his curiosity got the better of him. He didn’t hope to die – not really – but he hoped to come close. He stuck a knife into an electrical socket and… saw nothing until his parents found him – thank goodness – just in time.

And yet, he’d never been more at peace.

However, no one in his family was necessarily ‘good’ at dealing with problems. Instead ot talking about it, instead of sending him to a therapist, they all just pretended it never happened after they paid off the hospital bill. He wasn’t suicidal, just curious!

So he began applying to colleges – all was well! Although he was accepted into the Carolinas’ more prestigious universities, such as Duke and Wake Forest, he wound up attending his safety school out of adoration for its campus: University of North Carolina at Asheville (UNCA, s/o to myself because this is where I go!)

He began his studies with the intended double-major of Literature and History and he was doing well. He was shining in college, too distracted by Whitman’s ego to worry about the concept of death.

Until he met his college girlfriend, that is.

A victim of cystic fibrosis, Louis knew their time was likely limited to perhaps another decade and a half (unless scientific advancements were made – you see, he would’ve switched majors, but he wasn’t STEM-minded in the slightest). They decided they’d make the most of their time together and, as Louis was taught to do, largely ignore the elephant in the room.

To receive a Masters in Library Science (MLIS), he transferred to Appalachian State University (“App”) with his girlfriend by his side, earning her own Masters.

Things were simply beautiful. Everything was looking up. He felt just as much peace as he had in half-death, but it was in life!

But… complications got complicated!

A clinic had his girlfriend getting special treatment… but it also had her near other CF patients. And they couldn’t even be sure she wasn’t on the placebo! So, after a few treatments and instances of getting a bit too close with some of the other patients, her condition worsened and things… were not looking spectacular.

This was around the time Louis completed his degree at 25 (did I do the math right?). They initially had plans to marry after they completed their courses, but gave up any ideas for large weddings and were officiated by a friend who signed up online. Their plans of moving somewhere bigger – still in state, so as to make travel easier, but bigger, nonetheless – were also cut short. Louis’s parents advised him to do what they had done and return to Mapleview, a calm life that they thought had allowed them their pregnancy.

Louis figured it was an idea worth trying. It wasn’t as though it would improve her condition, but it would improve her overall quality of life, right?

When he was 27, she succumbed a bit early to her illness. And he was at peace with that. He missed her – dear god, he missed her – but she’d returned to the night sky, the stars that he could see.

However, his life has since become incredibly rigid and routine. His obsessions worsened after her death, as did his craving for cleanliness and overall order. Being an archivist was perfect for that, but was terrible for most other aspects of his life.

Yes, yes, his quality of life deteriorated.

He’s essentially become Jane Kerkovich-Williams from the iconic Happy Endings, suggesting better organization systems… in stores dedicated to organization. He no longer attends therapy, refusing to agree with their diagnoses. Because he’s fine. There are no problems. Indeed, quite the Type A.

But also on a sliding scale that could put him in a very Judah Mannowdog from the Bojack Horseman (why do I keep taking inspiration from this show-) box. Depends on the day.

tl;dr:

was a sociable kid and teenager. withdrew after finding a man on the brink of death with his friends and became lowkey obsessed with death. (suicide attempt-ish tw) stuck a knife in an electrical socket because he had to know what was beyond life, but not necessarily bc he wanted to die (end tw). everyone ignored that. went to unca and fell in luv w a girl who had cf. went to app state to gain an mlis. her disease worsened during a clinic. moved back to mapleview. she died. rip ip. wasn’t the typical Grieving Widower™ bc he figured he knew what was on the other side and it was nice! but,, his mental state did worsen and his obsessions, need for organization, and overall type-a demeanor amplified.

connection ideas:

** all are open to any gender

childhood friends (0/??)

high school friends (0/??)

his other bff (wc on main!) (0/1)

high school girlfriend/boyfriend/partner (0/2)

ppl he went to college (unca + app) with (0/??)

ppl who knew his wife before she yeet’d into another plane of nonexistence (according to louis, at least) (0/??)

overall there’s more potential w past connections on louis than on judith aflhskdj

feel free to like or hmu if you’d like to plot!

#mapleviewintro #louis .#louis | intro .

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vios-rockland-corner · 5 years

Text

Dollmaker Talk PT 2

*snaps fingers* Guess what? I got the “okay” sign to talk a little bit more about Runawayoutlaw’s unfinished Dollmaker build.

That means yes I will be going into my thoughts about the characters and setting this time. I focused on Dollmaker being outside the Rockland canon and the game mechanics last time.

(MAJOR spoilers below for the unfinished Dollmaker build)

First of all, what is the plot of Dollmaker? Well the MC this time around is a medical student attending a seminar that day on improving relations between demons and humans for the greater good. One of the very speakers at the lecture is none other than Dr. Sano Kojima. The MC apparently catches his eye and you two seem to get along fairly well considering you admire him for his position (he’s a demon ambassador) and he appreciates that you seem to be specializing in demons for your medical degree. All seems to be going well and you look forward to discussing the profession with him more...only to get caught off guard when he knocks you out and brings you to his home. The atmosphere quickly changes when you wake up and he cuts straight to point that his main goal is turn you into a human doll! He puts a binding spell on you so you can’t escape the house, but he gives you the freedom to walk about as you please.

That’s pretty much the gist of the game. From there it’s about exploration and getting to know the inhabitants of the house, and on rare occasions, seeing some visitors.

Sano Kojima

As I stated in my previous post, both Sano and Akira have been introduced beforehand in BTD. This game was meant to revamp the characters and stories. For the most part, I’d say personality wise that Sano stays very similar to his BTD counterpart. He’s very calm and professional. He’s very much into his research and appreciates compliance from the MC. He can still kill you in this, but the only such ending I found is if you fight back repeatedly right away. Like I said, he prefers compliance. He is probably one of the more sane of the three main house inhabitants and possibly the nicest? It’s hard to say when I feel like both Sano and Annabelle’s routes weren’t quite finished yet. That or I haven’t found everything yet.

I will say compared to the BTD game, Sano here doesn’t show nearly as much sadism or malice. He DOES still want to turn you into a doll though, but again I don’t think his route was fully finished (or I haven’t found the right paths yet). I didn’t get a full ending with him completing the doll transformation, so other than the beginning, we don’t get to delve into that obsession as much as I would have liked. I remember playing BTD and getting that one ending and thinking, “Oh! I love that concept, I wish I could have seem more of the character focused on that.” Dollmaker is obviously supposed to do that, but the creator didn’t get around to the finishing touches. I kept getting stuck in the same loops with “Sano’s route,” so I can’t say much else.

Annabelle Winter

Annabelle is a brand new character. There’s a bio for her luckily in the game to explain some of who she is (a former lead singer), but otherwise I probably was able to get the least information about her in the game. I remember some notes about her one tumblr way back when Dollmaker was being developed. Basically, she’s supposed to be Sano’s “first doll.” You, the MC, would then end up being the second doll. You can tell this really doesn’t sit well with Annabelle, even if I couldn’t get much more information about her feelings in the game. There’s a conversation between Akira and her you can spy on, but you really aren’t quite sure what’s happening. Her room was also always locked for me. I don’t know if the programming for it all hadn’t been completed like Sano’s wasn’t, or I just wasn’t performing the correct actions.

The existence of Annabelle is interesting though because then it does make you ask questions like: What’s her relationship with Sano? Are they lovers or something else? Is she jealous that he’s making a new doll? Does Sano plan to throw Annabelle out after he has you? Does this mean the MC could also get tossed out later? What’s her relationship with Akira? Stuff like that adds more tension to the atmosphere. On the plus side, at least you know Sano’s successfully turned someone into a doll before, so you know the procedure should go fine (yay?). Personality wise, I didn’t have enough to go off of to get a real good idea of what she’s like. She can be a little bitter and creepy, that’s for sure, but also talks sensibly with someone like Akira. It’s hard to say.

Akira Kojima

Ah Akira! Probably the character that was the closest to completion in my opinion. That doesn’t mean his whole path WAS complete, but compared to Sano (one death ending vs. couldn’t progress) and Annabelle (hardly any progression and no ending found), Akira actually had decent introductions, quality time with the MC and an ending. Granted, it was mostly the ONE ending...but I kind of loved it and it wasn’t a death ending at least. Before I get into that, what’s he like in Dollmaker? Well he definitely has more of a domineering and feisty personality I’d say, contrasting nicely with Sano. He also can be both naughty and tender I’d say when it comes to romance. He can be pretty sensitive at times. You also learn he’s a contract killer in this game, but he doesn’t seem to really enjoy the work. That’s the only major hint I’d say of the guy being unhappy. I remember during the development process it was hinted that Akira has a LOT of baggage in this universe. Baggage unfortunately that seems to make unstable enough that he will completely flip his lid if he thinks someone is turning on him. What I’m saying is...the dude actually has a yandere ending XD I’m not joking. For those who know of my main blog and are probably thinking, “Did YOU enjoy that?” the answer is obviously HECK YES! See what happens is if you get too cozy with Akira, apparently that makes him latch onto you.

I swear to god when I played my first run, I was NOT trying to make him jealous. I thought there was more to do so I didn’t think it was a big deal if I didn’t wake him in bed (it seemed rude to me), go to the kitchen and compliment Sano’s eye. But those Telltale mechanics from the last post I talked about? This is where I realized too late they were hinting that Akira gets VERY aware of what you do in the house once he starts to like you. He doesn’t like it AT ALL if you either seem like you’re trying to leave or get friendly with anyone else then. He goes full “snap.” What he does is try to “train you” so that you agree the MC belongs to him and him alone then. I love how he does it actually because I find it pretty realistic. Yeah he gets really rough with you initially once he’s snapped, but the big thing is he throws you into a large closet. He just leaves you with a bucket and nothing else. And then he makes NO CONTACT with you. You go through...who knows how many days with occasional bottles of water or food placed on the floor without Akira talking to you or even you seeing him. Depending on your actions, sometimes he’ll pop in to check on you, but if you show that your spirit isn’t broken yet, he goes back to the no contact. He’s essentially driving the MC insane through isolation. It’s very simple but incredibly effective. Imagine literally being given nothing to do for days on end with limited food and water and just a bucket to relieve yourself in. It can start to wear on you. Humans are social creatures too (we NEED other people). I love MC’s with stronger spirits actually that don’t bend to a yandere’s whims all that easily. So yeah, I kept the MC yelling and tried to just hold out as long as I could. This puts you in a loop though and Outlaw did a nice little touch where there’s this static effect over the screen when you continue to make decisions. This helps to emphasize how monotonous this routine is becoming for the MC and you really feel less of the urge to fight back anymore. I can see why the MC broke in the end. Once they are broken, Akira comes to collect you and that’s pretty much the end.

Obviously I loved playing through Akira’s path the most. I will do one small critique here since...I’m kind of a nut about yanderes. I think it would have been nice to have a FEW more hints before Akira’s “snap” that he suffers from something like anxiety or separation over losing people. There might have been some and I just got lost in the build maze finding this information XD Like I said, I knew he had baggage (and even lost a lover) from the creator’s tumblr page during development, but I think it would have been nice to have some hints like that in the game. Just food for thought in case they want to try another yandere character in the future. Some people don’t like if you pull a “yandere snap” out of nowhere without at least dropping some kind of hint of instability with the character prior. I mean I’ll always enjoy yandere endings regardless honestly XD It depends on how serious you want to take it though. This situation was different than say Marcus from Till Death Do Us Part only because....that game basically is ALL about the “snap” there (no real progression to it like in Dollmaker). You had just enough backstory (The MC and Marcus are divorced and Marcus gives you nightmares) that him coming back as the ex from hell isn’t surprising. People can fill in the blanks and fantasize all they want there about what went wrong with the relationship beforehand. With Akira, you’re seeing the relationship progression play out, so there’s a little more pressure to make the “snap” a little more believable.

I don’t know how fair it is to critique an] game that’s clearly not finished though 0.o

There’s was other stuff in the game I enjoyed like all the little Easter eggs with the plants and paintings, and Cain even popped up briefly in a bad end :P There was other stuff I also didn’t learn about though like Mio (sorry I scared you lol), but it is what it is.

Still a nice treat.

#dollmaker #runawayoutlaw #Sano Kojima #akira kojima #annabelle winter #unfinished build

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theastrophilearchitect · 3 years

Text

Reworking the plot & getting my hands dirty.

Writing journey #2.

Sat 06/03/2021 - Word Count: 28,150 19.38 So, a month ago, today, actually, I started writing a book. For context, I've sorted out scenes and planned my plot; I'm now simultaneously writing my first draft and outlining scenes in more detail - I'm just into act two of my draft and just into act three of the outline.

I included today in my first writing post, which you can find here, but, while outlining, I realised something that will result in a major plot change (even though I probably should wait until revisions, it sorts out the climax I'm currently incredibly vague on, and will help me actually be able to complete the draft), and felt it was time to start a different post, because the other one was long, and already had its own focus.

Previously, I've been setting mildly insane word count goals, and even though I'm sticking to vague targets, I'm going to drop that, because I need to do a major plot change, and that'll mean the word count isn't going up that much for a while.

So, I have my first and second acts good, but while outlining act three, I've realised the event at the start of act three would work better as a climax than the vague battle idea I have. It just seems more original, more effective, but it means I need to shift events around and re-figure the first block of act three. I'll begin tonight, but it's already 8pm, so I'll probably do most of it tomorrow.

Sun 07/03/2021 - Word Count: 28,365 08.24 I'm reworking act three, and I think I may just drop drafting for the moment and focus on incorporating the edits I have in mind, then start drafting over. I know all the advice says not to go back and edit, but this is a big change I can't wait to do, so it seems opportune to just make the others, too.

08.31 I've now finished reworking act three, and I'm much more satisfied with it than I was before. I do now need to go through the scenes again, however.

13.57 Still re-scening. This is frustrating, but I've decided when I'm back to drafting, I'm going to drop my daily minimum to just 500 words - even though I'll make very little progress at that pace, it's more realistic considering I'm about to be plunged back into the world of homework and commuting, and it's something I'll always be able to meet to help me keep in the habit of daily writing. Word count isn't applicable when I'm doing re-scening like today, though.

Something else I've noticed, when I'm writing literally anything, I'm just scribing the words I'm literally hearing in my head, which is a little bit of a problem because where I wrote 'meet' just now, I meant 'meet' but heard 'eat' in my head and wrote 'eat'.

17.07 I feel like I'm finally making some progress - I've been writing on-and-off all day. My word count has actually decreased a couple hundred words since yesterday, but Scrivener is convinced I've written 42,000 words today, which I obviously haven't. I've typed a lot of words, but not that many, not all of which added to that since deleting words takes words off that number. It thinks I've written so many, however, because I duplicated my act one folder twice (then deleted it, obviously, because I don't need three copies of the same act) but Scrivener doesn't take off the words when you delete the file, only when you literally hit backspace.

17.50 Sorting out my climax, I'm realising how bad it was before. Which I guess is good, because it shows internal criticism and growth...? Or something...?

21.04 I've totally planned out the majority of act three, but I haven't finished it because where I'm up to ends with my characters essentially making a game plan, and since I'm not yet sure what that game plan is, I can't outline the bit where they carry out the plan, but I'll do that later. I've incorporated some of the edits I wanted to make, though I've left a couple out because they're less drastic and I'm not sure whether or not to include them, so I'm going to sort that either during or after my first draft.

Since I've made quite a few changes that will affect the parts I've already drafted, I'm going to start my draft over, and reset my word count, but I'll do that tomorrow. For now, Scrivener thinks I've written 42,385 words today, which I absolutely have not, and my word count is currently 28,365, but I'm going to remove every outline and drafted piece I've done so I can start from zero for what I'm going to call draft #1.4, because I already wrote a version of about 40% of it.

God, my word count has gone back to 0 of my minimum 50,000. That hurts. It really hurts. My actual goal is more 70-90K, but 50K is my minimum, so that's what I'm going with for now.

Anyway, goodnight, and good luck me.

Mon 08/03/2021 - Word Count: 820 So, I wrote 820 words before school, then got home, attempted to do some homework and lost all motivation and will to do... anything. Which means I'm very glad I did over my 500 words this morning.

Tue 09/03/2021 - Word Count: 1,367 15.07 I called this a #1.4 draft, but it's more like a #1.3. Anyway, writing is so much less stressful when I'm working from something I've already written - with the first section, so far, at least, I'm basically just editing the writing itself rather than the events because I'm pretty happy, at least at the moment, with my first couple chapters. Very little thinking required.

Also, it's been over 30 hours since I've written because I did my writing before school yesterday, but haven't written yet today because I've got so much work to get done for school. It feels like it's been forever.

16.17 I've finished rewriting chapter one, and still have a lot of fuel in my tank (that's a hideous metaphor) but I think I'm going to cut off today at 547 words, just because I have quite a lot on my plate this week, and I'd like to invest some time in actually reading the book I started eight days ago, and am only 200 pages of the way through.

Wed 10/03/2021 - Word Count: 2,082 I could write significantly more than 500 words most days, but it really is easier to set a minimum that doesn't feel like a strain, so that's what I'm sticking with for now.

Thu 11/03/2021 - Word Count: 2,801

Fri 12/03/2021 - Word Count: 3,405

Sat 13/03/2021 - Word Count: 32,211 07.40 I've just had nothing extra to say the last couple days, which is ironic considering how much I wrote each day of the last post, which went up yesterday! Anyway, it's finally Saturday, and even though I have exactly zero motivation to do anything this morning, I've been awake for two hours already (I recently discovered I like mornings??) and I think it's time to get going. Still sticking to my 500 word minimum, but since it's Saturday, I'm going to invest most of the day in writing, so I should surpass that.

08.20 I don't think I've mentioned yet that I dubbed this WIP Bay Tree in this post. Sorry if I have, but I skimmed this post and can't find it. So, this is about to get messy. I'm basically just cleaning up my prose, but there's so little point doing that when I'm not certain each scene will stay. There's no point editing a chapter unless I know it's sticking around.

So we're reverting, and this is about to get messy. I didn't quite finish my initial draft of chapter seven, because I wasn't sure how exactly the event at the end of it would happen, but I think I'm just going to delve into it. I'm going to add everything, including outlines, back to my word count, finish writing chapter seven, then pick up where I left off in chapter nine. Okay. That's why my word count is jumping around.

And, just like that, I've gone from 4,074 to 28,864. Well, 500 words accomplished. Surpassed, in fact, by just 24,290.

I'm going to aim to just hit 30K by the end of this weekend. I can easily do 1,136 words in two days.

As I've mentioned before, I haven't outlined all the way to the end and through the climax--I have a fairly clear idea of how I want it to do go down, but I'm not sure what I want the characters' plan to actually be, so I currently have 21 chapters, but I'm projecting 23-26, which, at about 3,000 words each, is pretty damn good, especially when it'll just get longer as I redraft (she says optimistically).

Already feeling more motivated now my word count's higher.

09.54 Oh! Also, I logged onto Tumblr today to find someone reblogged my last writing post with a really positive, encouraging comment. It's nice to think I'm bringing someone else a little joy with this.

11.13 And we hit 30K! I'm not quite done for the day, but I do need to go pack. Also, I've been operating under the impression the minimum word count for a novel is 50K, but it's actually 40K, which, though I'm only about 40% of the way to my projected total word count, I'm officially 75% of the way to being able to say I've written a novel.

I'm so glad I've gotten as far as I have, and I just hope I can keep myself going to the end.

12.27 This post is going to look really strange to read - if you're only looking at the word counts, it looks like I've written nearly 27K words today. That makes sense.

Oh, and I finished chapter seven. Like an hour ago.

13.52 At this point, I have literally no idea what continuity things I've already established, so I'm just going by a let-my-future-self-suffer philosophy.

14.36 That's chapter nine done. That leaves chapters 10 to nobody-knows. I'm going to stop writing now, but I wrote nearly 4,000 words today (plus recounting about 20K) so I don't exactly think this cut-off will be detrimental.

Sun 14/03/2021 - Word Count: 35,548 07.58 I’ve written over a thousand words already, and it isn’t even 8am yet. Being a morning person is genuinely the best thing ever as an introvert--I’m asleep when people want to socialise, and awake when no-one else is. That makes me sound like a hermit. I love it anyway, and feel like I’m stacking up for a good writing day. 35K is probably a little overambitious, but what’s life without aspiration?

09.04 As I’m going, I’m realising my plot is actually coherent, and being surprised that I can actually make a story without plot holes (as of yet.)

09.21 And that makes the first eleven chapters drafted!

...And, Houston, we have a problem. Dammit. Eleven chapters, and I haven’t established one of the most important world-building points. Which is especially irritating because it needs to be established by chapter twelve. Unless I can establish it at the start of chapter twelve? We’ll go with that, so I don’t have to go back, then I’ll sort it out in edits or draft two or something.

I’ve just started writing chapter twelve, but I think, having written 2,600 words today already, I need a break. I have less than 500 words until I hit 35K, but I’m going to leave it for now, and come back this evening. I should be able to hit 40K this week.

18.19 And that makes 35K. Chapter twelve is only two scenes, and I’ve written one, but having written 3,000 words so far today, I’m going to leave it until tomorrow.

Mon 15/03/2021 - Word Count: 36,337 17.19 So there’s a crucial plot point just after my midpoint, and I’m not completely sure what to do. I mean, I know what I��m doing--I just wasn’t sure exactly how I wanted it to go, but now I know. The issue is other stuff needs to be pre-established, and I’ve worked out where it needs to go, but I don’t know whether or not I want to go back and write those bits now, or just make note of it and add it in draft two.

I think I’m just going to make note, plough ahead, and deal with it in draft two. I’m trying to figure out exactly how I’m going to operate after this draft: things generally say put it down for a few weeks, come back for edits, then go into your next draft, but I feel like I’m already going to have so many edits gathered by the time I reach the end of this draft, I should just go back into it, but time will probably be beneficial. Not that it actually matters now. I’m only just halfway through an under-draft (by that I mean it’s going to get a lot longer). I’m going to add new scenes in my next draft and generally fiddle with plot aspects, but as quite a linear writer, I think I’m more naturally inclined to just incorporate aspects in a draft rather than as edits. I’m not sure. Does that even make any sense?

Depending on when I finish this draft, I think I’ll plan to pick it back up May 1st, and just see how I’m feeling. But, again, this all depends on when I finish the draft, and how I’m feeling when that time comes.

Tue 16/03/2021 - Word Count: 37,025 I bought my Scrivener license today! Yay!

Wed 17/03/2021 - Word Count: 38,408 08.04 This is mostly irrelevant to my project, but I just wanted to mention the odd fact that I’m definitely a plotter when it comes to longer pieces, but when I do shorter pieces, creative or essays, for school, I hate planning, and just start immediately, then go back and edit. Huh.

Thu 18/03/2021 - Word Count: 38,950 I’m going to edit this, but writing the date just now I noticed I’ve put 2019 for the last three days. It’s absolutely not, and I know why I did that, but still.

14.31 Also, Oxford commas? Found out what they were. Granted, that was actually a few days ago.

Fri 19/03/2021 - Word Count: 40,139 06.55 Even though I wrote 500 words yesterday, I didn’t quite reach my goal of 39K, just because I had to stop writing 50 words off, and by the time I had the opportunity to go back, I just wanted to go to bed. So, today, my goal is to hit 40K words, and officially be able to say I’ve hit the minimum word count for a novel.

Honestly, I’m starting to lose my love for this project. I’m still enjoying working on it, don’t get me wrong, but I’m anticipating finishing it because I know exactly what I want to write next. I feel like I’m mostly still working on it as a lesson, and I know it’s not what I ultimately want to write--mostly because it’s not super high-concept, and high-concept stuff is what I want to be writing. I am still enjoying working on it, I’m just not sure I’ll get to the ‘final line-edits’ stage. But who knows?

10.19 And that marks 40K. We’re in novel terriority, people. And, yes, I could correct that spelling, but I’d like to draw attention to how bad I am at spelling when typing. I’m excellent at spelling in writing, and wrong spellings bother me, but when I’m typing, my fingers are just trying to keep up with my mind, which means I try to type a letter and the one after it at the same time, and often end up with letters in the wrong order and punctuation in the wrong place. Or I just hit halfway between two keys instead of the key I’m going for, and type a wrong letter. Anyway, that was meant to say territory. See? I can spel..

Or I just double the punctuation instead of the last letter.

So I’m definitely not meeting my old goal of 80K words or a finished draft by the end of the month--that’d be another 40K words in just 12 days--but I’m definitely on track to finish by the end of April.

Sat 20/03/2021 - Word Count: 40,692 15.30 God, second acts are hard. I hate being in the middle. At the start, you have novelty, and at the end (not that I would know from experience) you have the knowledge you’re near the end, that you’ve already written most of it.

I’m currently operating the reminder, ‘You’ve written an act before, why not again?’, in hopes that’ll eventually extend to, ‘You’ve finished a draft before, why not again?’ and ‘You’ve written an entire book before, why not again?’

I’ve literally written 243 words so far today, and I just don’t want to. Normally, I sit down, I slog through the first hundred or so words, then pick up momentum. Maybe it’s just because chapter 13 is a boring part to write. Ha. 13. Just my luck.

I’m being nice to myself because a lot has happened in my life over the last few days, but I still want to write a minimum of 500 words, even though most Saturdays I can write more like 3,000.

21.41 I’d like to be asleep. That sounds like fun. Today slipped through my grasp, and I haven’t even written 300 words, but I am going to try to at least hit 500. And then maybe write thousands and thousands tomorrow, but I’m also going to bake a cake, and I’m notorious for being able to make cooking and baking take at least three times as long as is necessary.

21.57 So I got just past 500. Relatively speaking, that’s not that impressive for me, but it’s more words than most people in the world added to their manuscripts today, so I have to give myself some credit. (I’m working on crediting myself for productivity rather than degrading myself for not being productive--I could go on for hours about how much it pisses me off that capitalism teaches us productivity=worth in everything, not just business, but I’m going off on a tangent.)

Sun 21/03/2021 - Word Count: 41,466 08.08 Cakes baked! And I’ve come to a conclusion about how irritating I am to myself--I didn’t fully outline the latter half of act two (by which I mean I have each scene and a purpose of each scene, but virtually no detail) which I can absolutely cope with, but it does slow me down. Anyway, I’m waiting for my cakes to cool, then I can ice them.

14.28 I wanted to write up to 42K this weekend, which I don’t think is going to happen. I’ve written 774 words, so passed my 500-word minimum, but haven’t yet reached 42K, and don’t think I’m going to this weekend. I just don’t have much motivation, which may just be because of the part I’m on, but I’d rather work through this part really slowly then pick up the pace when I get to the part I want to be writing, than force myself to write this section quickly and poorly, then not want to continue into act three. So, sticking to 500 words a day; I may do more later, but I’m leaving it for now.

Mon 22/03/2021 - Word Count: 42,006 17.56 God, I don’t want to write today. I’m going to anyway, because I haven’t yet failed 500 words. They can be a shitty 500 words, but they have to be 500 words. Also, the scene I wrote yesterday? Absolutely getting deleted. But I’m leaving it for now because I refuse to lose those 800 words.

I really enjoy putting edits at the bottom of scenes in brackets and making them unnecessarily wordy so Scrivener thinks I’ve written significantly more words than I actually have.

18.31 Yay, did it. I’m really hoping I can just work through this low spot and don’t have to take a break. I’m on the penultimate chapter of act two, and the first few chapters of act three are really exciting, so I’ll know if I need to take a break based on whether I get motivated when I get to that part.

Tue 23/03/2021 - Word Count: 42,124 16.37 GOD, I need a break. I don’t have motivation, even for 500 words. You know what? I’m just going to make a note of the scene idea I had earlier, and I’m going to take a week’s break. Unless I get antsy, in which case I may end it earlier, but, I’m not going to write again until Tuesday the 30th. Unless I get antsy. FUCK.

I’m just reminding myself breaks are good and important, but I still hate that I’m taking one without finishing my first draft. Tue 30/03/2021, I will be back! Though my word count may increase between now and then as I note down any ideas I have, which I will update with. Okay. Just leave it.

Sun 28/03/2021 - Word Count: 42,150 10.47 Since Tuesday, I’ve made some notes on my phone of little things I want to change, but haven’t added them to my project file, so the word count hasn’t gone up.

Last night, I was just thinking about how badly I wanted to get back to this project, but this morning, I just... don’t. I’ve been thinking it through, and I’m not ready to drop this project yet, but I’m just not happy with what I have at the moment. So, I’m going to add my notes to the file, and then leave it for a few weeks, so I can return with edits in mind, apply them, and then start what I guess will be like a 1.7 draft, because I didn’t finish this draft.

In the meantime, however, I do want to keep writing, so I’m going to start another project in the meantime, which I can work on a lot in the next few weeks because, in a few days, I get a couple weeks off, which won’t be completely free of work, but will give me a lot more time to dedicate to this.

I think I’m going to say I’ll return to Bay Tree (or at least review, if, say, I just want to dedicate a little more time to whatever phase of the new project before I move on) on May 10th, because that’s basically when I get to relax after my exams finish.

So I’ll add the notes I have so far, keep making notes on my phone, and return on May 10th.

Which wraps up this writing update--a new one will come with my new project!

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theorynexus · 5 years

Text

77: Why am I so hungry?

That subtitle was totally unrelated to this post. I just am. Okay, this is actually the next day, now. It turns out I wasn’t able to complete this post yesterday for some reason or another. Let’s get this show on the road, now. ...

I continue to appreciate the echoing effects of certain phraseologies, reactions, and conversations throughout Paradox Space, even when the same people are not the ones uttering them.

That’s soooo cuuuute!~ (The knitting, not Jane’s behavior. Though I could be sarcastically insulting her by saying as such, that is not what is going on right now.)

This is really all quite beautiful. Though it is a little sad that Kanaya laughs at Karkat’s eligibility, I suppose it is reasonable that she of all people would recognize the difficulty of his fit into the role.

Ohhh gasp! A new character! And one who seems to be born for the role that they’re playing! Very, very interesting~ More importantly: I am glad to see that Hussie is sticking to the idea that the gods influence their universe in some abstract ways following its creation. Though this could also be as a result of her actually being in the world (after all, vectors of influence in a media-savvy, highly developed world can be quite potent, indeed!), I like to think that that is not necessarily the case, at least.

Honestly, that actually sounds quite beautiful. It’s something of a shame that she wants to swiff that way~

Yeah, I can certainly see why watching a bloated monster excrete eggs and bloody rainbow slime might turn one off from the idea. Reminds me of the scene from Alien 4. The one with the Alien Queen that had been altered with Ripley’s DNA. You know what I’m talking about. Bloody disturbing is what that is. Not that I can’t understand why it might be beautiful to trolls. However, the thought of being a mostly sessile organism whose sole purpose is the release of eggs is something I’m sure most human women would not be too fond of, naturally. Not that I’m meaning to kink shame any who happen to find that kind of thing arousing. It’s just, well, realistically... a bit problematic for my tastes.

To be fair, Dave’s always had a desire to be an influencer. That said: his theoretical actions were also aimed as a necessary retaliation to Jane’s own departure from the proper equilibrium. I do not blame Dave for that decision, and honestly think that it’s actually the responsible thing to do. The only thing that might allow evil to prosper in the world when there are people with the capacity to stop it is for those people to let the matter fester and rot everything around it. Those who have the capacity to stop its rise have a responsibility to do so-- or at least to try. To fail to have done so, and simply to have allowed Jane to run unopposed would be nearly as unethical as actively supporting her, knowing that her intention was to perpetrate a campaign of reproductive control and gradual genocide-- or at least that she was likely to do so, given all of the evidence that they had available. As such, I can place no blame on Dave in regard to this.

This is because Dirk is subtle, and thus insidious, as much of the world’s worst evil happens to be. To bring him up is not something so obvious as to question the somewhat flagrant behavior of the one he would pull the strings of.

I think that it is probably good for her to be taking things slow and focusing on the “now” while she recovers, but I do hope she doesn’t reject that greater calling for too long. Worrying about things in general can be a very healthy thing. Particularly for a seer. Her responsibility as a god did not cease when the universe was created.

Rose is right to question that. Just because things have calmed down for a moment doesn’t mean a long-term threat like ambition is going to totally fade. Mind you, it may very well do so, considering Jane’s present desire to break away from things, but they do not know that to be in play. Besides, as I was saying, being gods, they have a very long-term horizon to consider. Honestly, Dave and Jane wanting to be concerned at least to some extent with the flow of the economy might not really be so bad, if neither of them was intent on essentially bending the wills of others to their own desires in order to see the path they had in mind be blazed by their civilization. Unfortunately, the level of interference a god ought to have in a society (especially one so peacefully-developed as this one is) is a matter that is sticky and somewhat difficult to properly establish as a hard-and-fast rule. Even so, 0 interference is something they couldn’t do even if they actively tried.

For one, they aren’t old. I do certainly know the feeling of a young person thinking that they are old right as they cross into adulthood, though, so I won’t begrudge them that. More importantly: Pffft. You think that marriage takes away the need/impulse to be cool? What a silly one you are. It just means the development of more in-jokes and maybe the redirection of where the coolness might have to go. ;3 (I am a very silly person too, yes.) ... What the heck does “Bank’s closed” mean?

Cartoonishness aside, this is all a rather nice scene. I appreciate the little touches like the fact that Rose is hesitant to dip her legs in the muck that Kanaya has already become comfortable with. It’s very interesting to hear that the grubs chew through their own eggs, by the way! Also that the legs are off-beat, which I suppose might mean that the grubs have to get used to walking? Very, very curious stuff!

You mean like grub paste? Man, mulched flesh... that is a weird image. I guess it means like hamburger?

***can’t help but release intermittent giggles because of the incredible dramatic irony factors, here*** On a more serious note, though, it is really interesting to see that trolls having actual ancestors is a relatively rare thing, despite the emphasis that Highbloods put on the idea of everyone having one.

And also the hearts of all who read this in the foreseeable future, I’m sure. Man... the idea of Vriska actually having a chance at a life with responsible and non-abusive parental figures is such a dream come true! And honestly... this particular scenario is a very interesting one, in particular. Not one I would have ever considered possible! Not sure it technically counts, but ‘t’is very interesting+captivating, nonetheless!

Yeeessss!~ Perfection! <3 Though honestly I am still not convinced that Vriska will not be eventually saved via Retcanon-involved dramatic dives and flourishes, but I do in fact believe that she is dead as can be right now, considering Rose’s vision. Despite the fact that the Void of the Green Sun Black Hole should block most Light from penetrating its mysteries and escaping, I think that Rose’s powers would be the ones to be capable of it, if anything in reality can do so.

And I’m sure that shall include when the little child gets up to just the right kind of mischief and messes with their various irons in the fire. X3

#Homestuck Spoilers #Homestuck Epilogue #Homestuck Liveblog #Candy Epilogue #Vriska Serket #Kanaya Maryam #Rose Lalonde #Marriage #Happiness

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mldrgrl · 6 years

Note

AU Prompt: The events of Tithonus happened Post One-Son because Scully needed a break from Mulder and partnered up with Ritter on the Fellig case. (Maybe this could be a continuation of the resignation letter two-parter, that I LOVED because you NAILED it)

:) Thank you. Here you are.

An Inconvenient Truth

by: mldrgrlRating: PGSummary: A sequel to Almost and The Sword of Damocles

Mulder had never been out of the office faster than when he got the call that Scully had been shot. Not trusting himself to deal with afternoon traffic, he raced to the train station and caught the first Amtrak up to New York City that happened to leave ten minutes after he arrived. It was the quickest option available at three hours, but if he could’ve sprouted wings and flown there, he would have.

For most of the journey, he impatiently pounded his knuckles into his knee and focused on the trees and the towns passing by in a blur. He tried to keep the anxious mantra of ‘my fault, all my fault,’ out of his head to no avail. Because it was his fault. If he hadn’t been such a horse’s ass, Scully would never have even considered resigning from the x-files. And if she hadn’t considered resigning, she therefore probably wouldn’t have even considered taking this assignment without him. So, the reality of it was, he was the one that put her in the line of fire even if Kersh was the one that sent her to New York.

In fact, they’d fought about it before she left. Still sore from finding her resignation letter a few weeks prior, he’d accused her of trying to ditch him and the files. She’d done that thing she does sometimes when she’s too mad at him in the moment to speak to him, so she’d narrowed her eyes and stared directly at him with such disgust while shrugging on her coat that he had to turn his back on her. She didn’t even say goodbye. He’d never bear it if that argument was the last time he’d speak to her.

She was still in surgery when Mulder got to the hospital and he parked himself in a plastic chair in front of the nurse’s station to wait for news. When he couldn’t sit still any longer, he paced. When he couldn’t pace any longer, he harassed the nurses for information. When the nurses glared at him for being a pain in the ass, he sat back down and tried to make himself as inconspicuous as possible. A young nurse with cafe au lait skin and the hint of a latin accent seemed to take pity on him and left the station to approach him.

“Sir?” she asked.

Mulder took a glance at her nametag as he perked up. “Yes?”

“Are you able to fill out this form for patient information?”

“Oh.” He took the clipboard she offered and perused it. He’d had Scully’s DOB, SSN, and insurance card number memorized for quite some time. He nodded to the nurse and took the pen from the clip to start filling out the form and check the appropriate boxes.

The medical history portion had always made him cringe a little. He hated ticking the little box that said ‘Cancer’ and then explaining the type and treatment. The only thing he hated more was entering ‘0’ for number of children. There were no boxes to explain Emily in Scully’s medical history.

When he finished grimacing his way through the paperwork, he signed the bottom and waited until he spotted Marisol, the nurse who gave him the forms, and then he got up to give them to her. She flipped through the sheets quickly, with a practiced eye, and nodded her thanks.

“Oh,” she said, tapping her finger by his signature. “What is your relationship to the patient?”

Mulder hesitated. He’d purposefully left those boxes unchecked. The only options were Self, Spouse, or Caregiver. “Um,” he said. “She’s my partner.”

Marisol nodded and ticked the ‘Spouse’ box. He held his breath for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to correct her, but he didn’t.

“Can you tell me anything?” he asked. “It’s been at least seven hours and I...no one’s told me anything other than she’s still in surgery.”

“As soon as I find out, I’ll let you know.”

Two hours later, Mulder was finally given the news that Scully had made it out of surgery and was in recovery. He was also told he wouldn’t be able to see her until the next day. He agonized about leaving, fully prepared to spend the night in the uncomfortable plastic chair he’d been waiting in, but he was essentially ordered away by the no nonsense group of nurses that had been putting up with him all day. So, he walked outside, found a hotel on the next block over, and booked a room for the night.

Visiting hours started at 8am, so Mulder was back to the hospital at 7, haunting the nurse’s station once again. He was able to get the name of Scully’s doctor out of them this time and he roamed the halls in search of him.

It was already after 8 when Mulder made his way to Scully’s room. There was another man on his way out and it took Mulder about three seconds to realize it was Agent Ritter. The younger agent appeared to be going to try to shake Mulder’s hand for a moment, but Mulder put his hands in his pockets as he stared at him.

“You’re a lucky man,” Mulder said to him.

Agent Ritter opened his mouth, hesitated, and then put his head down and walked away. Mulder watched him slink around the corner and then he pushed open Scully’s door. She was sitting up in the bed, her head turned towards the window. He lingered in the doorway until she looked at him and gave him a thin smile. He smiled back and shuffled towards her, his hand outstretched to take hers.

Their fingers came together and their thumbs touched. He was surprised by how warm her hand was. He circled her thumb with his in a lazy caress. She stared at their joined hands with tired eyes.

“I talked to your doctor,” he said. “He says you’re doing great. Making the fastest recovery he’s ever seen.”

“Fellig?”

“Dead.”

Her hand went limp in his and her fingers slipped free. She turned her gaze to the window again and he sat down beside her.

“Scully, I want to tell you that I-”

“One of the nurses told me that my husband had been annoying all the nurses with his relentless pacing and questions yesterday,” she interrupted.

“Well, you know me, I-”

“You filled out my intake sheet.

“I did, but-”

“Thank you.”

Mulder blinked. He’d been expecting some sort of verbal assault. “You’re...welcome…”

Scully sighed and looked down at her hands as she twisted the bedsheets at her lap. “If you’re here to say ‘I told you so,’ you-”

“Not in a million years, Scully.” He put his hand over hers to still her nervous fingers. “If leaving the x-files is what you want...I’ll...I’ll find a way to help you do that.”

“I don’t want to leave the x-files, Mulder. I don’t know how that idea got into your head, but you seem intent on-”

“Because I saw your letter.”

“What letter?”

“The one you were going to send to Skinner. Your transfer request.”

Scully pressed her lips together so tightly that they turned white. She turned to the window again and her nostrils flared with three, deep breaths. “It’s not the files I wanted to walk away from,” she said.

Mulder swallowed back the sudden urge to vomit. He took his hand off of Scully’s. He didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t have to say anything. The door opened just then and the nice nurse that helped him yesterday came in.

“You see,” she said. “Your patience was rewarded. Your wife is doing just fine and you can relax now.”

Mulder waited for Scully to correct the presumption, as usual, but she didn’t. “Or my impatience,” he quipped mildly and slid off the bed. “I’ll go ahead and…”

“You’re fine,” Marisol said, expertly working around Mulder to attach a blood pressure cuff to Scully’s arm. “Just going to record some vitals. I’ll only be a minute.”

Feeling a bit awkward, Mulder went to the window and stood with his back to the room. He looked down at the street below, full of people rushing by in their morning commute. Very faintly, he heard a horn honking and a siren. He tried not to listen to Marisol’s questions and Scully’s answers.

“All set,” the nurse finally chirped. “Your wife is in excellent health. No need to worry about a thing. Just so you know, the doctor will probably kick you out in about an hour. The coffee across the street is much better than the one downstairs.”

“Thanks for the tip,” Mulder said.

And then the nurse was gone and it was just the two of them again. Mulder stayed by the window and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“When do you think they’ll let you blow this popsicle stand?” he asked.

“Few days, maybe,” she answered.

He nodded. “I can stay until you’re released. Drive you back to DC. Or...if you don’t want me here, I can call your mother for you.”

“You don’t have to stay.”

He nodded again and pulled one hand from his pocket to rub the back of his neck, which was suddenly aching. His whole body was suddenly aching though, probably collateral damage from a broken heart. It took all his willpower to move his feet, but instead of heading to the door, he found himself next to her bed again.

“Try to get some rest,” he said, bending to touch his lips to her cheek.

“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered.

“Neither do I,” he whispered back.

She tilted her head closer to his so her temple rested against his brow. He closed his eyes and was still with her for a few tranquil moments before he brushed his nose along her cheek and then pulled back. She kept her eyes on her lap.

“Obviously now really isn’t the time,” he said. “But, maybe we should talk.”

“I imagine we probably should.”

“I’m going to go try the better coffee downstairs and see if I can extend the hotel I got another couple nights. Do you want me to bring you back anything?”

She shook her head. As he got up, this time she reached for his hand, grasping his fingers like he’d done when he first walked through the door. Their thumbs met again over their knuckles and he pressed his firmly against hers. She pressed back.

The End

#i wrote this #xf fanfic #threequels #angst #Anonymous

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raoulstardust · 5 years

Text

DON'T PANIC!

Dedicated to Nikki Bella. Happy birthday. DON'T PANIC! This is an iconic. phrase appearing on the cover of one of the most iconic books, in science fiction and humor, of all time. This is also what I said to myself when my phone suddenly ran out of power and I was forced to write this blog from the start. They say life "Life is like a roller coaster, with it's ups and downs." Or that "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." Although they may cover some aspects of life accurately, I think they are pretty inaccurate. More like they feel a bit too stable compared to life. Cause, in life stuff just happens. And no one can do anything about it. And moreover, everyone is affected in so many different ways, I don't think there are enough flavors of chocolates to compare. The chocolate industry is trying really hard though.

I think life is more like a journey through the Galaxy with a two headed president and a depressed and nihlistic robot, in a ship with an improbability drive which is controlled by a malfunctioning computer. You don't know where you ever are because of the infinite number of reference points. Think about it, there is always someone in a better position than you in life and someone in a better position. All we know that there is a start. We don't even know if there is an end. Which makes me think if we even know if there is a start. And you never know when the improbability drive kicks in. Some people are unfortunate enough to start their journeys on a collision course with the Sun. They say you are more than the surroundings in which you were born. But, what about the children born in warzones? But for us normal people, whenever this improbability drive kicks in, we wish for a book with a panic button, to help us make some sort of sense of this randomness.

Like I mentioned earlier, when I was writing this blog, my phone just switched off all of a sudden. It somehow went from 20 to 0 in an instant, and I was frustrated as hell. I just wanted to punch my phone. Cause somedays it lasts till 0 , on others it switches off at 60. But the reason I started panicking was because the time I spent writing it gave me nothing. I started from nowhere, and the improbability drive took me to a nowhere somewhere else. And then I started having this unbearable anxiety about having wasted the limited time I had , on nothing. I began thinking of all the other things I could have been doing. Sure, starting it was important. Maybe I got more time to write a better one. But one of the major reasons we all panic is that even when we do everything right and come so close to what we wanted, we randomly wind up nowhere without a clue what happened. And even when something good happens to is unexpectedly, all we can think about is when it will eventually go wrong. And some would argue that it is this negative thinking which makes it go wrong, and though it's often true, I still think that what happens just happens. Out human minds often fail to grasp the concept of randomness. Even well defined patterns have randomly sprung into existence. Which is why I think our perception of existence is a joke. We often think of a beginning and an end, but we often fail to comprehend that when everything exists, there will always be something more or nothing at all. I have spent a part of my life thinking about this, wondering what the reason to live was. If it all is just random , why should I suffer all the trials of life when it all means nothing and everything at the same time. I've always thought how funny it is when people complain about their life, for if they finally got what they wanted they wouldn't be here to enjoy it. After a long period of depression and an existential crisis caused due to my personal life going from a 90% straight to 0%, just randomly, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I put my whole life in perspective and declared it not requiring my participation anymore. But then my role model and hero, a legendary professional wrestler and iconic woman, Nikki Bella said something which got me back up on my feet.

She said, that we should have a purpose which drives us. Her purpose was to change the world for the better. That gave me direction. I too thought about my purpose and I thought how I have always wanted to make a positive impact on the world too. I became my purpose. And that's when I realized that my purpose was having me for itself. I thought that I would change the world by inventing something. I thought I would be the next Elon Musk. I became disillusioned into thinking that Science was the only way. And so I took science in school. And although I absolutely love studying science,as Stephen Hawking was my first science teacher, the school had a different idea about science. I soon became disinterested, until one day I realized I knew nothing for my tests. So I panicked pretty hard. And I failed my Maths exam. Because I procrastinated whenever I had no idea of what to do. I got jealous of everyone who was more successful than me at my age. I didn't want the world wanted to be changed for the better. I WANTED TO CHANGE IT. AND I WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW I DID IT.

Knowing that my time was limited, I started panicking every time something didn't go my way. Time, it is the definition of 'zero empathy'. It is the only part of nature which has worked against the survival of life. So, I decided that I would spend my entire life for my purpose. A family? That's for losers. Love? It's not essential. Except for some romedy. Rest? Nas said "Sleep is the cousin of death." And I wanted everything to be perfect. I didn't want a second of my time to be wasted. Ironically, whenever something didn't go my way, I panicked and procrastinated making sure that nothing would happen. And eventually I went on this quest to change myself so that I could change the world. The only problem, I expected too much and when the results didn't happen, I did the usual. Panicked, procrastinated and gave up. Being overweight, I have always wanted to lose weight. Trouble is that I would expect to transform from Chris Pratt in Parks and Recreation to Chris Pratt in The Guardians of the Galaxy. Unfortunately , biology doesn't work that way. And nothing resolves the sadness of not hitting your goals than a nice ice cream, right? Well one of the main reasons for me wanting to lose weight was that I wanted some girl to get attracted to me. Yeah, I know love is useless, but the raging hormones in my teenage body strongly disagree. Also,whenever I see people like Greta Thunberg becoming more successful at my age, I seethed with jealousy. Whenever I saw a friend accomplish something I felt like I wanted to top that person the very next day. So I piled everything in my schedule. I wanted to be better at everything than everyone else. And of course as I've shown throughout, even when you have everything planned out, randomness happens at random times. And when your life is so tightly packed, you can't afford that randomness. So whenever, things never happened my way, I panicked and procrastinated like usual and the mammoth plans held up by a structure of order collapsed on me, crushing me with more anxiety and panic.

So my grades went down. My weight went up. I was not learning anything new. Not developing myself. I stagnated. And I started complaining, but whenever I did so , I started comparing myself to people who had it much worse than me and that just made me feel guilty. So the only thing I could think of to overcome this guilt was self pity, so I started looking at my situations for being worse than they actually were. So I just stagnated more and more in a pool of self pity, guilt, hopelessness, anxiety and lethargy.

So I retreated back into my head full of nihilism and depression and anxiety. So I started failing. But then I remembered that I had filtered a lot of what Nikki Bella was saying to me. She said that fearing failure only makes it happen. She also said that every journey into the unknown was magical. It gave you new opportunities to explore yourself and push yourself beyond your limits. So I started enjoying this journey into the unknown. And since life is so random, everything is the unknown. I learnt new things, because I enjoyed them and I wanted to explore them, not because I wanted to compete. I decided I wanted to explore this randomness, see the beauty in it. Nikki Bella also said that true success in life was happiness. And this is one of the very few things about life which made sense to me. Sure a purpose gave our life meaning and excitement and something to be happy about , but it's not everything. I realized I am made up of a lot more than my purpose. So I started doing everything I was doing earlier to make me happy, not to fulfill a purpose. I wanted them to make me think. To make me feel satisfied. To challenge myself. To explore. And I knew that happiness was not feeling accomplished at the time of your death, cause they meant nothing then. Happiness is to be at peace with yourself in the present. To be able to smile in the present. And like Nikki, I became Fearless. I stopped fearing failure. I stopped fearing regrets, cause even though regrets are the worst thing because of the nature of time, fearing them made them happen. And the worst enemy of happiness is the unrealistic expectations that go along with the idea. You can never be happy throughout your life. Happiness is the moments of peace and satisfaction which come rarely in this random world often driving us to nowhere, but it's the rarity and challenge of feeling happy that make it what it is. You wouldn't know peace without knowing the conflict and you wouldn't know the satisfaction without knowing disappointment. And so, I started to accept myself for what I am. I still panic and procrastinate , but that's just a small part of me. There's also a part after me that gets up from failure, a part that works towards making my ideal reality manifest itself. So, now I am doing things I want to do. I am exploring randomness even when I'm sitting in one place. I am doing things which feel honest to myself. What makes me HAPPY.

So , PANIC! BUT DON'T PANIC!Sure , time is cruel, existence is meaningless and random and we have no idea why we were born. But this unknown is beautiful. Life is beautiful, although more than often it looks ugly. It helps us appreciate the beauty. Don't panic even if you panic. We all panic, but it is not what defines us. Try and explore the unknown. Do what makes you happy. Moreover, do what you want to do. Do what is true to you. Be yourself, cause you don't know why you started where you started, but there are infinite places to go and you should reach the place which gives you peace as yourself. Stress and anxiety often wear us down , and hopelessness may always overcome us. But getting through these challenges make life worth living. The only way you can achieve true happiness is if you achieve YOUR DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS. And you can only be at peace with yourself is if you accept yourself for the beautifully flawed homo sapien you are. The feeling of happiness and peace with yourself and the feeling to be able to share this happiness with someone else, all make life worth living.

Thank you Nikki Bella.

Thank you Mom. Love you.

#nikki bella #hitch hikers guide to the galaxy #thinking out loud #exploring #motivation #inspiring #chris pratt #lovelife #happylife #talking to myself #blog personal #blog post #my life #random #science fiction #perspective #don't panic

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

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Spider-Geddon #4 Thoughts

Oh dear how quickly we can fall.

So the good news is Molina is back on art and Barberi’s art complimenting his work makes for a mostly smooth transition between the two.

Other good news, we FINALLY take advantage of getting to see these Spider-Heroes interact. We see PS4 Spidey react to seeing an advanced Miles Morales and to seeing versions of himself and MJ married, not to mention learning other Peters ask RYV Pete and MJ how they wound up together. We also get to have a Peter Parker react to the presence of a Norman Osborn.

It is simply put the best scene of the entire comic and maybe the event over all, definitely the main book.

Yes indeed it sure was a great...page.

One page. Out of five issues. The penultimate one in fact.

Sigh...other good stuff...

· Getting to see other people react with justifiable suspicion against Norman.

· Norman being a sneaky bastard.

· One or two funny lines, the crown jewel of which is Ben Reilly saying he’s never met a Norman Osborn who didn’t want to stab him in the back. Because of course...this is exactly what Norman did at the end of the Clone Saga

· Seeing and acknowledging Spider-Cop!!!!!!!!!!!!!

· Dinosaur Spider-Man exists!

· Dissing the Other as a Deus Ex Machina.

Now that last one is a contestable point because I dunno for sure if the Other would be regarded as a dues ex machina.

And part of that is that it depends upon whether we are referring to it in the context of Spider-Verse alone or it’s initial story.

To me it didn’t just show up at the end of Spider-Verse and kill Solus therefore it doesn’t meet the requirement, and it was already established the Other has the ability to wipe out Inheritors way back in the original Other storyline. But was that a dues ex machina unto itself? You tell me.

What’s interesting is if that line came from Slott or Gage, I’d suspect the latter at which point gloriously it’d be Gage throwing shade at Slott.

Now he should still be wary of what he throws around because when you look at this issue he lives in a glass house. A smaller glass house than Slott perhaps but a glass house nevertheless.

Now some of these my problems might be born of ignorance because I haven’t read or can’t remember every single Spider-Man/Marvel comic.

But...for just one problem among many with the issue...you telling me Norman Osborn fucking with the Web of Life and Destiny means that there is 0 ways to travel between dimensions?

Like...even Doctor Strange or Reed Richards can’t help you (and the Spiders can tell even though they’ve not even left the room)?????????

Regarding Ben Reilly he’s seemingly willing to kill. Now of course Clone Saga era Ben Reilly really wasn’t. Or at least his attitude was the same as Peter’s was on the topic. I dunno what happened between Clone Conspiracy and this comic so set me straight but it seems like he’s back to normal now and as such...wouldn’t his attitude be the same as back in the 1990s? Now last time I covered this series I mentioned how it doesn’t make sense for the Spiders to not kill the Inheritors so on one level this does make sense, but it’s nevertheless internally inconsistent because Peter and the other softer heroes aren’t willing to do that. So what’s Ben’s deal.

Again that’s all debatable as a criticism because I don’t have all the info.

But there are plenty of other problems the biggest being the thing at the heart of this whole event, poor timing.

I spoke before about the headfuck that was the tie-ins happening during or after issue #2 despite being released earlier and placed earlier in the reading list.

The same thing happens again because if you, like me, were reading Spider-Force guess what a massive plot point from that gets spoiled as Jessica Drew makes it back to Earth 616 with Solus’ crystal...and runs right into the Inheritors. Nice to know however the final issue plays out their overall mission was a total and utter failure. At least with Scarlet Spiders back in Spider-Verse it served a purpose.

There is another headfuck moment of dumb in that scene too as the Inheritors try and fail to feed off of Jessica Drew, failing because she’s radioactive.

Now she’s wearing her radiation suit and, if you’ve been reading Spider-Force (it helps because this issue barely tries to explain) you’ll know she’s just got back from a radioactive Earth. So one would think the Inheritors’ inability to feed off of her is due to her recent trip there right?

Wrong, it’s because her powers are connected to radiation apparently.

Now I’m no Jessica Drew expert so I consulted the marvel.wiki and am taking their word as gospel for the sake of this post. It reads as follows:

“When Jessica Drew was about a year old, her parents moved from England to a small cottage in the outskirts of Wundagore Mountainin Transia. Her father, Jonathan Drew, geneticist and research partner to the man who would later become the High Evolutionary, found large amounts of uranium in their property, which gave them the financial resources to build a research facility to keep working on their controversial studies of evolution, genetics and cell regeneration

In the course of the next three years, life was good, until little Jessica became ill, poisoned by her long-time exposure to the Uranium that was so prevalent in their land. Jonathan, being an expert on the regenerative and immunological properties of arachnids' blood, injected Jessica with an untested serum made with the blood of several uncommon species of spiders, in the hopes of stopping the tissue damage and immunizing the girl from the Uranium radiation in her blood. Then, he sealed her in a genetic accelerator created by Herbert Wyndham a.k.a. the High Evolutionary to speed the process, but it only seemed to work at a very slow rate. In stasis for decades, her aging greatly slowed, until the treatments finally finished in recent years.”

Can you spot any words or phrases in that remotely similar to ‘radiation blast’ as used in this issue? Let me know if you can because I can’t.

It’s not even like the radiation played a factor in actually granting her powers according to this. Whilst Spider-Man got his powers from a radioactive spider, for Spider Woman radiation was the disease the spider science was curing. The untested serum her Dad gave her is what gave her powers, the radiation had nothing to do with that. Basically unlike Peter, Jessica’s powers are not derived at all from radiation itself.

So yeah...Gage seems to have seriously contradicted Jessica Drew’s you know...origin story...

That would be bad enough but it gets worse.

For the sake of argument let us pretend that Gage’s ‘revised origin’ for Jessica was true. The implication of the comic is then that because of that the Inheritors can’t feed off of her life essence because radiation is poison to their kind.

Now let’s ignore for the moment that they somehow lived off of giant radioactive spiders for at least over a year, and how radiation is poisonous to most things so phrasing it that way is rather redundant (it’s like saying ‘Oh wait you are vulnerable to fire aren’t you!’). Instead let’s focus on this headscratcher. Jessica’s powers coming from radiation makes her inedible to the Inheritors...buuuuuuut...Peter Parker isn’t...nor are any of the other people who got powers from radioactive spider bites...

*head desk*

Were the editors drunk when they failed to catch that obvious inconsistency?

I mean Spider-Man literally has radioactive blood! That’s a line in the 1960s theme song!

How do you screw this up so badly?

It’s especially incompetent when the fact Jessica just walked out of a radioactive planet and is wearing a radiation suit could easily be used as an alternative explanation. Say she is at the moment contaminated with radiation but is herself not adversely affected by it thanks to her powers. This would actually be more in line with the original Morlun story because Morlun could feed off Spider-Man no problem up until he injected himself with radiation and became temporarily radioactive. So okay they can feed on the life force of totems with low levels of radiation in their blood but not when they are seriously cranking up the dial on a Geiger counter.

There are other inconsistencies though, albeit not as idiotic as that one.

The comic can’t quite decide whether or not Solus got killed last time because he battled the Other or if any sufficiently powerful sharp object could kill him. Doc Ock brings up Leopardon then Miles dismisses that option because Solus beat Leopardon in Spider-Verse an event Doc Ock knows about. So Doc Ock, who states he knows the wisdom of avoiding past mistakes, is suggesting they try the same thing that failed before a second time.

Now of course Otto is not mentally stable, oh no wait maybe he is because Gage paints him as in the right so often (and implies being in a new body fixed his insanity in a way later comic but that’s neither here nor there). It just doesn’t make sense on his part, nor does his dismissal of the Other as superstitious mumbo jumbo.

Ignoring how anyone in the Marvel Universe disregarding magic is fundamentally stupid, Doc Ock is fighting other dimensional totem vampires wrapped up with a cosmic web that enables travel between universes and is connected to a form of danger precognition for everyone associated with a spider.

Why the fuck would the idea of a specific cosmic entity who’s specifically able to kill Solus superstition from his POV, especially when he knows for a fact it did what an obviously more powerful giant robot couldn’t do?

Another minor inconsistency is the Otto implying on one page that he brought the Spiders to Earth-13 in order to analyze the Enigma Force and then locate it in Earth 616...but then on literally the next page Miles claims it was his idea.

Which is it? It’s somewhat important as it defines the power dynamics between the two would be leaders.

Speaking of the Enigma Force that’s another big problem.

In Spider-Verse the Enigma Force was essentially useless against the Solus because it’s pure life force and he feeds off of that. Ridiculously overpowered, overselling of the villain to cheaply build him up?

Most definitely.

But as a sequel to that story shouldn’t Spider-Geddon try to be consistent? Because suddenly we’re claiming that Solus didn’t actually eat the Enigma Force but simply...killed Captain Universe Spidey (????????????????) and the Enigma Force is still on Earth-13. And as mentioned above the plan is for them to analyse it on Earth-13 and hopefully then use that to track down the 616 Enigma Force.

My question upon hearing that plan was....so?

So they find the Enigma Force and/or the new Captain Universe. Then they either have someone bond with it or ask the new Cap for help.

And...what?

Then go punch the Inheritors?

They already know Captain Universe is a massive food source for the Inheritors. Yeah sure, in Spider-Verse Solus claims it’d be too much for any of his kids to handle but surely between all of them they could eat him?

Then again both Spider-Verse and Spider-Geddon have been hugely inconsistent with how the Inheritors feed. Not only did we get Verna draining any given person’s life force in Spider-Force #2 but I double checked the original Morlun story. He states clearly feasting off of Spider-Man alone would sustain him for about 100 years.

But between Spider-Verse and this story the Inheritors have all chowed down enough for like a millennia a piece then.*

Oy vey, yet another inconsistency I just realized from the previous issue is...weren’t they going to blow up the New U labs? SP/dr was ready to remotely detonate the charges and kill everyone in the process but then Leopardon intervened allowing everyone to escape...couldn’t they detonate the charges remote at that point? There is no reason the New U labs should still be standing.

One final inconsistency I’ll bring up is that Spider-Man PS4 claims that Miles is a good leader because he’s not lost anyone yet. I guess screw Spidey UK and Noir, but in fairness you could argue Miles wasn’t in charge at that point so they don’t count. What is more confusing is that on the very next page Osborn complains that the Inheritors numbers are growing as theirs are shrinking. Again which is it, are the Spiders losing or maintaining their numbers?????

Let’s move on from inconsistencies to a different variety of bad and dumb shit.

First of all Otto and Ben Reilly apparently hatched this whole other plan behind everyone’s backs making a bargain with the Inheritors.

When?

When could that possibly have happened?

I’m not even saying it’s not possible but it’s never explained it comes totally out of nowhere.

Otto didn’t even know Ben was around until last issue when he mounted his raid on New U and surprise attacked the Inheritors so if this plan was set n motion before that how and when could Ben have been integrated into it?????

Before issue #3 is actually the only time I can think of when Otto could’ve done this but it makes just so little sense. He didn’t know the Inheritors were having trouble with the New U tech (again, that seems unlikely given the tech Jennix was used to working with) before issue #3 to my recollection. So there was no reason for him to offer to help him understand that tech (and yes it’s clear Otto made the offer, the Inheritors didn’t make the first offer to him) and the Inheritors clearly attacked him and his group in issue #3. Meaning the offer must’ve been made during issue #3, between issues #3-4 or during issue #4 but there wouldn’t have been any time or any chance for Otto to get away and talk to the Inheritors.

I also don’t get what Ben Reilly has to do with any of this.

Finally, and most insultingly, is Gage continuing to wank off Otto.

Now even Miles is holding his hands up and saying Otto is superior, Otto is the smartest, Otto is the leader. On the one hand this slightly helps balance out Miles being framed as a better leader than Peter was in Spider-Verse (more Slott’s fault for Peter’s shitty characetrization) and no one else considered for leadership (like RYV Peter). On the other wasn’t this event supposed to serve Miles? Wasn’t it promoted somewhat like that?

Why are both this story and it’s predecessor so intent upon making Otto writer’s pet?

One final thing which is I guess more a problem for me is that this issue blew the promise last issue made regarding Norman.

It had the opportunity for some intrigue and Machiavellian shenanigans with Norman Osborn forming a secret third faction within the Spider Army. But then it amounted to him and Spiders-Man being kicked out of the group and wrecking the Web of Life & Destiny. When you consider how he was utterly not built up in the main book at all until the end of the last issue. Like he comes out of nowhere unless you read his debut but nothing conveyed to us that that was a must-read issue to get the main book.

Yeah so overall we crash back hard into the low quality of the prior issues of this series.

Oh well...just one more comic to go...of the main book. Still got another Spec issue, Spdier-Force issue, Ghost Spider issue and 2 Spider-Girls issues to go...sigh...

*Also pretty sure at one point in either story they ate Spider-Hulk. If Jessica Drew is inedible due to radiation how is Spider-Hulk edible?

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agentzakura · 5 years

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LoveFanFest 2019

Ok, so a lot of people asked me what happened at #LFF2019 since I was clearly upset last week. Things have settled down a bit so I figured I’d spend time today making my thread.

TLDR; ClexaCon is a dream compared to LoveFanFest. LFF needs better communication and customer service. Lack of transparency and asking for money left and right… The queer fandom deserves better than that. Listen to Laura Hollis.

https://lovehollistein.tumblr.com/post/151126971734/you-deserve-better

So first of all, the good stuff. I did like my trip to Barcelona. I got to see a really beautiful city and hang out with friends I’d never met IRL or haven’t seen in a long time. It was a wonderful experience from that aspect. When I first joined the fandom I asked Gabi what the best part of cons was and her answer was meeting other fans. She was absolutely right. While I’m grateful I get to geek out on my faves and have my briefest moments with them, I loved talking to other people in line and getting to know them in person after interacting with them online.

The actual con was frustrating and disappointing. Before anyone tries to invalidate my experience, please keep it to yourself or DM me. There are far too many people jumping to defend LFF without any context. Things like, “It’s hard to make a con"… "Cons aren’t free”…”It’s just European culture.” Or even “It wasn’t that bad.” Comments like that don’t help at all. I’ve been to big cons before and I’ve volunteered at them. If I had the time, I would start my own convention and almost did. Believe me. I don’t take writing things like this lightly. Also, the heat wave didn’t help anything but to blame behavior on that alone is nonsensical.

LoveFanFest as a whole was just not organized very well. We received the schedule a few days prior. It was filled with mistakes. They sold a lot of the extras at a discount months earlier and if I had known that things would have conflicted I wouldn’t have bought the things I did. Especially since their attitude is sorry no refunds or exchanges no matter what.

Day 0

Registration was a mess and the lines made no sense. 1 line to get your main badge, 1 line for Earpers, 1 line for Creampuffs, the last line for other guests. I immediately regretted the handful of Earper extras I bought. I spent 2 hours in line longer than my other friends because of it.

The ticketing didn’t make sense. It was confusing figuring out which one was Sat/Sun. They looked nice printed but got collected and thrown away. They’re easily lost and it was a pain to try to get them all with the multiple lines. Why can’t you use Eventbrite digital tickets as they were intended? I heard after the fact that tickets weren’t even checked properly. One person couldn’t switch their ticket, but went up on the other day anyway and they didn’t pay attention to the day on it. Some people were able to

I also missed the beach clean up my friend organized, so that day was so disappointing.

Day 1

Breakfast with the guests was one of the few highlights. I like how it was split into smaller groups. 3 guests max with 10 attendees I think. At ClexaCon is was really hard to hear whatever was saying because all the breakfasts/lunches were at the same time and I felt like I was shouting across the table. In fact, at ClexaCon Natasha had to walk up to people individually to talk to them because she couldn’t hear them.

I bought more extras for Hollstein. I knew I had more autographs for the things I brought and got more photo ops and selfies. Early in the morning I brought it to the staff’s attention that the Hollstein panel and my Mel and Isabella photo ops overlapped. I’m a Creampuff more than anything, so that was a really big deal for me. I asked if I could swap the tickets instead for the Sunday. Sunday their photo ops occurred when I had nothing else scheduled. In all fairness, the person at the extras register passing out the tickets was really nice. They were really patient with me and assured me everything was fine. I told them about what I wanted to do and they said they couldn’t change the tickets because they were “limited” and may be sold out for the next day. Another staff member assured me that there would be 15 min that doesn’t overlap with the Hollstein panel so I can take my pictures before it. I was just told to tell the volunteer at the ops that I needed to make a panel and skip to the front of the line. The original staff member told me to come back and talk to them if what I was told didn’t work out. I was grateful and hoped I didn’t have to come back… Of course, it wasn’t that simple.

There was no volunteer at the front of the line. The volunteers I did find had no idea what was going on. The Hollstein panel was about to start so I had to run back upstairs and talk to them again. I was passed onto another staff member. She seemed to be one of the head people. She called over a Spanish speaking volunteer to escort me down and get me to the head of the line and I got them done. I still missed half of the first Hollstein panel because of it though. I ran in behind one of my friends in press who also had the same conflict. Of course, no recording is allowed so who knows when I’ll get to see that footage.

I don’t understand why photo ops tickets are per person. Maybe I was spoiled at ClexaCon with 4 people max to a photo. I bought an Earper trio to do a BayHaught photo with a friend. This was my first con where I’d meet Mel. We found out that we had to pay for another ticket just for her to join in mine. Which is insane. It literally takes the same amount time to have one more person join. Trios are not cheap. Around €130 for one person for less than 5 seconds to pose?! My friend was nice enough to pay to be in the photo anyway.

Autographs were ok up to a certain point. I stood in line for Natasha and Elise because I wanted to make sure I got to see them. I wasn’t looking forward to getting the Earp autographs. Dom's line was crazy and went outside the door and I assume around the lobby. Plus, the trio photos hadn’t printed yet, so I was essentially waiting for that. The reason I bought Dom, Kat, and Mel’s autographs that day is because I had the photo ops. For some reasons, LFF only has one person in charge of the printing and it took forever to get them on the tables. The trio took the longest. When I was done with Natasha's and Elise’s line, I went to Mel’s and waited. Again, most of my friends are Creampuffs so it was basically just me in line waiting. I wanted to see if someone else could get the autograph for me, but that didn’t go well either. I got to the front of Mel’s line with nothing to sign. The trio photos weren’t out yet. I couldn’t swap my autographs for the next day. The one rule LFF was very adamant about regardless of your situation. The poor volunteer had to call one of the staff members over to see what could be done. It was the same woman from last time who had a volunteer take me to the photo ops. I think she said her name was Maria or Michelle or some name that started with an M. I told her the only thing I wanted to get signed was the trio photo and it wasn’t printed yet. She told me that LFF never guaranteed that the photos would be done by the end of the day. Essentially, she was telling me I was SOL. I asked if I could switch my autographs to the next day so I had my photo to be signed. She flat out told me no. That’s when I started to get upset and asked her what I needed to do then. LFF doesn’t give headshots for them to sign. You have to pay extra for those. She told me I needed to get something else signed. The fact that I didn’t have anything else didn’t matter. It was frustrating because at that point I really didn’t care and would be damned if I had to pay any more money because they were inflexible with their tickets.

That’s when things got really bad. As I was trying to explain why I didn’t want to pay more money for a headshot I didn’t even want just to use these tickets, the staff member told me I needed to stop yelling and being rude or they wouldn’t help me. There was no yelling. There was me trying to explain my frustration with what they were doing and asking them to come to some sort of compromise. I’ve worked in customer service. I’ve had people cuss me out or try to attack me. What I was doing was not threatening. I get it. You have policies. You can’t bend the rules for everyone. But what really got t o me was she then she proceeded to accuse me of not asking the right questions and projected the blame on me. I can still see her in my face, repeatedly saying, “Well, did you ask? Did you ask?” She didn’t believe me. It was frustrating. It’s not like I’m trying to score free things. I just wanted to get what I paid for.

My friends saved the day by finding the trio photo and M person let me go to the front of the line for all my trouble, but it wasn’t a redeeming experience. Instead of being happy to meet Mel for the first time, Kat, and Dom, I was on edge and could hardly speak. Most of the disagreement happened to the side of Mel’s auto table. Mel was so nice and hilarious. Kat was so nice and understood why I brought my daughter to the M&G at CCUK. Dom and her handlers were really sweet and made sure that people in line had water and a little something to eat. I can say I shared a bowl of chips with Dom now. 😄 But I felt like absolute garbage by the end of it.

I had two more autographs with Mel for Sunday, but I honestly didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Day 2

The second day was pretty low key until I thought I left the Mel autograph tickets at the Airbnb. I honestly had no interest to line up in the line that never ends for a second day so I was giving them away. I went to the Airbnb and had a mini breakdown because 1) I couldn’t find the tickets (I found them in my wallet a little later. 2) In trying to hurry, I also left my agenda at home and looked at the schedule. I saw that I had missed the single photo ops for Natasha and Elise. Time to panic again.

I had a Trio Carmilla photo op and a Hollstein duo photo op, so we thought that they would be ok with me doing my singles at the same time. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy… I took my trio photo and the staff and the handlers weren’t sure how to handle the situation. At first I was told that I would need to fall back in line and do it after the duo. I was completely fine with this because I had to get a prop I had left down the hall with my friends. Then I was told that I needed to do the solos right that second because the photographer was “on time” and didn’t feel like they wouldn’t have time to do the solos. Not even for the minute or so it would take me to get my prop and get back to them. I was calm about it as they talked amongst themselves, but honestly couldn’t believe that it was happening again. It took longer for them to argue about what to do than it probably would have taken me to get the prop.

I stood there just watching the interaction in disbelief when Natasha came over to me and asked what was going on and I lost it. Not like anger, but just crying out of frustration from the situation. Tears flowing freely as my emotions overwhelmed me.This was supposed to be my solo trip and fun half way across the world and I’m being told yet again, they might not honor the tickets I bought. Natasha assured me it would work out. We ended up doing the photo ops after the Hollstein duo… But two other fans had single photo ops they did after… So I did understand why they made a big fuss out of me doing it. I was done at the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t enjoy the last Hollstein panel and closing ceremony was hard to sit through. My only moments of reprieve happened when I found some Creampuffs and hung out in their hotel room for a bit before the closing.

Autographs after the second day were not too bad. I still gave away my autographs to EarpItForward. I had to buy a photo of Mel for them to get signed. I didn’t like my photo ops with Isabella, so I ended up buying her headshot too. I had picked one I saw originally that I really liked, but then I saw someone get another Isabella head shot, which was even better. I asked if I could switch it because I didn’t know that the other con photo was available. Thankfully I did get it, but not without an offhanded comment from M person about how I should have asked before then I would have known. Like why say things like that?

I’m just glad that Natasha and Elise were really sweet and took time with us. Elise is pretty masterful with the selfies. Natasha also made sure we were happy with it before we left too. I had a couple of friends say they were rushed during the last moments, but thankfully I was at least saved from that. I even forgot to do my selfie with Natasha and they let me go back up and take it.

My nightmare continues as I wait to see if I get the rest of the digital print downloads I purchased. There’s some obscure issue where if you don’t click some check box correctly you only download one picture and then you have to contact them to get the rest. I swear the pop up I had asked if it was ok to download multiples and I clicked accept... I still only got one photo. I’m incredibly frustrated because they tweeted that but didn’t include it in any emails with the photos. How is someone who doesn’t have Twitter suppose to know? They also posted all the M&G photos, but haven’t bothered to message me back.

Honestly, I don’t get how #Clexacapocalypse became a thing. My experience with them far exceeded the miserable experience I had at LoveFanFest. I’d honestly go to Barcelona again to hangout with friends, but things seriously need to change before I even think about that convention again. I wish the people who also had an issue would speak up as well. Nothing will change if no one says anything. Just my 2 cents.

#lovefanfest #LoveScamFest #lff2019 #queer conventions #my experience #what not to do #queer fans deserve better #barcelona

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