#since when did it get so bad
Text
i wish i could be clean for even a day...
#since when did it get so bad#every day of my fucking life...#its probz cuz whenever anything upsets me ever im like “its ok i can cut myself abt it later!”#idek how i could help myself out of this#think im gonna die like this#it gets more severe everytime... everytime i do something worse than the last time#the only reason i havent self harmed in the last 6hrs is because my leg and arms r all too injured to find any viable spot to cut...#i hate my life lol#tw vent#vent#tw self harm
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think that Dr. Christina "I was an excellent soldier" Raynor needs to deal with some personal things before she's anyone's therapist, because she strong-armed more of Bucky's autonomy away from him than Zemo did within the series.
#yeah man make amends for the shit that happened when you didn't even have control over your own thoughts#so she was giving him a way to “fix things” but that wasn't on him to do so#all she did was doubly reinforce what he already thinks - which is a justified but false and guilt-laden perception - about the situation#idk much about therapy but i don't think that they're sposed to do that. correct me if i'm wrong and then i'll go fight all therapists#bucky barnes#tfaws#alpine#my art#thank you for putting up with my drawings of a comic book character and his asshole cat lol#i had to put my dog down recently in a bad way and i can't rightfully get another house dog with my current work schedule#so i got a cat since they can handle being inside for the day and the shelter lady said she's super antisocial towards other cats#she's super antisocial towards me sometimes too but she sleeps on me at night and my house has never been cleaner#now that i have to vacuum cat fur and mind what i leave lying on the counter#i've never liked cats before but she's special i guess idk ain't everyone's cat special lol#anyway i'll stop using my tumblr blog as a blog now lol
368 notes
·
View notes
Text
[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
–
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
252 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u
#source: most of my family members are nurses and it was so bad for one of them they had to be put on a ventilator. in the hospital they#worked at. looking back I think I had a reason to feel a little offput by the shows of support early pandemic#with people tying blue ribbons around trees and lighting signs blue to support healthcare workers#I get that it was supposed to be moral support when we couldn’t do anything but follow health advisories#and it did matter to make them feel uplifted and do something than nothing. im not gonna deny that#but. you can still help now. u know that right. you still have a responsibility here#u can still mask up. u can still get vaxxed and call in sick to avoid infecting others#don’t leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice?#nobody likes picking up the slack for someone else and now that we have more tools to do smth couldn’t we just. do it????#im not a virologist but i also feel like continuing to let it get worse by letting more mutations develop#could continue to set us back since this virus is pretty good at fucking us up long term and finding new ways to do that#while there are ppl still researching covid which is STILL A RELATIVELY NEW VIRUS. and studying possible treatment and cures#yapping#vent
387 notes
·
View notes
Text
a lesson on good karma
digimon survive week 2024
day 4: supporting characters
#digimon#gomamon#digimon survive#survive week#survive week 2024#rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today#finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so#irl do be like that aint it#anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good#but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon#and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring#it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible#and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say#be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you#and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on#yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving#png
158 notes
·
View notes
Text
saw you.
#pokemon#swsh#rival hop#professor hop#october piece. it's the october piece#the triple feature will happen soon! I'm thinking abt what snack to make for that.#since the senpai's currently in digestive agony. I'd like to figure something out for it#in another news as well. the game's about to ship! and I'll get my copy soon. hopefully. I'm very anxious about postal stuff here#I have. very bad luck with international mails#when it arrives I'll take photos#mmm. I never really thought of pieces I did with this design to be sequential. but they kind of are?#at least it's become that way now. so next installment next year it seems#wait did I ever post the design sketch for this one lmao... I know I posted the one for the 'modern' variant#but I dont think the sketch for this one specifically ever got posted#well. if I cant find it then I'll post it. otherwise I'll be rebloggin some stuff on the day#have a good night lads. hey if you still have a deviantart account you should delete that shit
231 notes
·
View notes
Text
You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
48 notes
·
View notes
Note
i like think about machete's death as a culmination of his paranoia and eventual cruelty and vasco as the single ray of light loving him up through the end. even through as terrible as he becomes, the thought of vasco's heart being with him even as he chokes on his own blood as the one thing that he could hold on to. what is it to love something you know is vile, and to mourn their loss regardless. i could drink the tragedy like wine
.
#*deflated wheeze*#you've clearly Thought About This have you#man#I was about to head to bed and in comes this curveball#Vasco's image of Machete is very different from the public one they've known each other since late teens#of course he'd be willfully blind and reluctant to believe someone you love dearly has developed this widely hated and feared work persona#even when the evidence mounts you still think surely it's not that bad you know they're going through rough time but it'll pass#they're still the same person when they're with you at least mostly#and then when things escalate you take steps to save them but they're not letting you#towards the end Machete is so drenched in perpetrator trauma and moral injury I think he starts to try to distance himself from everyone#on some level he realizes what he's become and how far beyond the saving point he is#everything's gone wrong how did it end up like this#and he can't let Vasco get dragged down with him#his single ray of sunshine#answered#middry#Machete#Vasco
306 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
first thing i drew on my new tablet to test it out is the tv beast themselves
#gonna take a while to get used to... tfw u get an intuos for the buttons but realize u have#way too much muscle memory for ur old keyboard shortcuts (im talking YEARS. of the same/similar shortcuts. like. when did i get my first#tablet???? 2015??? YEAH.) (not my latest one btw i went thru a few tablets but yknow)#oh well!! ill see#took a bit to get used to but eventually i got into the swing of it since the work space on this is a bit smaller than my old one#i LOVEEEEE how the pen feels tho like the brush strokes its more consistent and i think ill be able to do good if ... my hand isnt hurty#and once i get less shaky with it!!!!! its sooo good. then again my old tablets pen had...its nib for 2+ish years#YEAH IT WAS BAD BAD....kept asking for replacement nibs but wouldnt get em#oops... oh well! anyways we ar the SMOOOOFFF zone HEE HEE#anyways i misse ddrawing cathal............. the skrunkle . the him. care him much very much a lot#trying out different ways to draw him too#and not try to be as on model as i was before... just have fun yknow??? get stylized and funky with it!§§§§!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEEHEHEHEHEEE#soarry my brain wants to amsh buttons randomly rrly hard rn so its evil laugh time#ok normal tags time GO#toontown#toontown corporate clash#multislacker#cathalposting#guz art
180 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yay I finally managed to make my 2023 art summary! First half of the year was a little disappointing looking back (in terms of both amount and quality). I think I managed to make more personal work this year, thankfully, which is what I wanted last year
#i think i had more examples to use this year compared which is good#esp the latter half of the year#in terms of improvement? i am starting to draw backgrounds..#i dont even think i have a 2022 art summary good lord (i think its bc i did mainly comms and barely any personal art...)#i also started making my own merch which is a step forward! ive been meaning to make them since 2021#itll arrive either tomorrow or thursday. ill share them when i get them#this year has also been less consistent in terms of art style. i wont say if thats good or bad#i had a bit of an art crisis in the middle of the year and then i had reached enlightenment in november#which is that i will stop gaf abt the amt of other people liking my art#i want to be those niche artists who stick to their own lane and post their 50 million merchs of their fav ship. that will be me!!!!!!#im having a junmui plush manu'd in jan so im excited#i also plan on making photo holders and standees and etc etc later on#art summary#munch art
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret
#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY#but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to#and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters#so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants#Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him#Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in'#he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are#and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact#but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters#even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing#he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back#and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug*#ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?''#but make it Thor 1#make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh#Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood.#Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it#Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too#lets get that breakdown moving along
140 notes
·
View notes
Text
AJDJSOAJW I MADE MY SPAMTON PLUSH THE DEFRAG OUTFIT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm so normal. About. This comicc
Yes
Defragmentation by @zarla-s go read it if you haven't rjkwsjdkdhkash
#a#im gonna use the tags to just gush about defrag#like#you dont uunderstand#i dont even know hwy i like the comic so much im not like this about other deltarune fancomics n stuff#im just so rabid about it aa#i remember when i first found the dub i was just glad to find a comic dub that was longer than 5 mins#little did i know that this was the beginning of a defrag fixation which lasted for like a month and a half#i think defrag is like 70% of the reason why my spamton obsession has gone on for so long lmao#god i used to read it so much there was a time that i could quote it word for word up to the like 20th jesus#im not quite as insane now#also GOD I HATE SEWING#im so bad at it#i had to get my grandma to help me since she is good at sewing#she did most of it lmao i did some of the stitching tho#aa im so normal about him#oops nearly forgot to do fandom tags lmao#spamton#spamton deltarune#spamton g spamton#deltarune spamton#defragmentation#defragmentation au#spamton plush
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
guy whose childhood drags behind him like a dead body
#river dipping#simblr#ts4#ts4 edit#theodore doe#echthroi#i forgot to post this after sharing theo's birthday edit last night... listen i was so tired i just hit post and passed out#but so far today i've just been looking through character page themes for a bit and messing around with codes while watching dropout tv#i still need to get to my activity feed sometime today or tomorrow and then i want to set aside some time to just hang out on here#and catch up on things like i keep disappearing and missing out on posts jgkhjfnkh so i gotta do that...#but i'm actually fighting off the world's biggest nap rn..... my meds work really well but lord i'm still so tired all the time woof#so i'll probably end up caving soon lmao#but!!! anyway!! THEO!!! there was nothing i could do abt the proportions on theo as a kid like i couldn't make his head any smaller...#the sims team actually hate me so bad and are trying to force the huge cartoonishly big heads onto my sims </3#also when i aged him down to a kid like all of his presets were gone so i just had to try and replicate them to the best of my abilities#his lip preset actually has a much deeper cupid's bow but thanks to the liquify tool <33333 it looks like his regular preset#i've actually posted teen theo on here before but i've made a ton of changes to him since then so this version is pretty different compared#to the older version of him at sixteen#he's definitely got more baby fat than he did before like his cheeks are pretty round#um. also i have these closeups i took of adult theo from the pose i made for his birthday edit that i gotta edit a lil and then post!!!#bc you really didn't get to see his expression or the actual pose that well and EYEEEE personally am really in love with the details#of the pose itself like ugh.......... theo is so.......................... yeah.#holds him
76 notes
·
View notes
Note
which characters do you want to draw more of?
yknow i feel like this is probably more pointed towards star trek. which there ARE a lot of trek characters id like to draw more of. but you just opened a whole can of worms man theres so much stuff i love that i havent really done much fanart for..... i want to do scooby-doo fanart soooo bad but i never get past the sketch phase....i havent drawn hardly any paranatural in ten years... woould love to draw more my babysitter's a vampire fanart its been so long since ive drawn those guys....... ive wanted to do jaane tu ya jaane na redraws for the longest time... okay i wont go on any longer ill stick anythin g else. in the tags lmao
#ask#anon#om shanti om i want to do fanart of om shanti om so so so bad but id want it to be colored n finished but. i dont finish things much :(#gravity falls ive got gravity falls wips tht i wanna finish#AMERICAN DRAGON i wanna draw jake long again its been forever since ive drawn that guy#PARANORMAN MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME PARANORMAN#jab we met my favorite romcom#ive got a screenshot redraw of that but i haated how it turnedd out lmao#aditya kashyap u are sooo handsome.#i just get so single minded about things and get so many ideas that i just have to draw that one thing over and over and over#and i get stuck with so many wips that i never finish#that i cant even get around to drawing the other things i like because they arent the one media thats shoved its way to the front f my brai#anyways.#at least i had a scooby doo halloween costume last year#somewhat fanart considering i did a painting for it. but it was captain cutler........#i had a scooby-doo birthday party when i was 5 and i think it was probably the best birthday ive ever had and will ever have
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why is everyone in Fallout 3 extremely hot
#I’m not going to live-blog Fallout 3 since I’ve had a LARGE amount of the game spoiled for me.#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So I feel like that defeats the purpose of a live-blogging.#BUT GOOD LORD IF THERE’S ONE THING THE FALLOUT SERIES KNOWS HOW TO DO IT’S MAKE HOT MEN!!!!!!!#Mister Burke becoming a stuttering mess because I called him lover was so attractive.#THE WAY HE DID A 180 ON HIS EVIL PLANS LMAO!!!!#ALSO BUG IF YOU’RE READING THIS I MET YOUR BOYFRIEND GOB!!!!!#Gob’s design is *chef kiss* WOOF WOOF BARK BARK!!!#Great taste as usual!!! ALSO I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM!!!!!!#Once I figure out how to do it without getting caught I’m going to kill Moriarty 🫡!!!!!#I’ve heard there’s a lot of ghouls in Fallout 3 so I’m VERY excited to meet them. Especially fan favorite Charon.#I LOVE BEAUTIFUL MEN!!!!!!!!!#Butch was a bully but hearing how happy he was I saved his mom was very cute.#ALSO HE GAVE ME HIS JACKET AS A THANK YOU!!!! AND LIED WHEN THE GUARDS ASKED IF THEY HAD SEEN ME!!!!!!#⭐️ Not as big of a jerk as you could’ve been ⭐️#MaddyPlaysFallout3#Fallout 3#If I had to rank them (off my own personal taste) it’d be 1. Mister Burke 2. Gob 3. Butch.
25 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
the-meganmercury-blog
I'm Still Trying To Figure Out This 'Normal' Thing
tatuataallegra
* Rise and Shine *
michael-salem
m.salem
theadventurousjadetroll
Bobert Vayne
stim-urself
Stimulate