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#so I avoid it when I can
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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spookberry · 4 months
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Idiot to Idiot communication
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tanblaque · 1 year
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redysetdare · 8 months
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I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."
it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.
I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.
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turtleblogatlast · 2 months
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Leo being put into a situation where there is absolutely no fighting, just verbal manipulation and perception games, would be amazing to witness. We see a lot in the series how good he is at subterfuge and how he uses his perception to manipulate to great effect, so it’d be so cool to really see it put to the test even more.
Manipulation is one of the most effective tactical strategies of all time, so just imagine Leo putting this skillset of his to the full test. Imagine the boys slowly get up to busting bigger and more powerful criminals, including those with networks of crime under their belt, and a simple fight isn’t enough to take them down. For criminals like this, Leo’s skills in subterfuge would be deadly.
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puppetmaster13u · 4 months
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Prompt 168
So. Apparently halfas are like phoenixes or something, which Danny would’ve really liked to know. 
See, usually with ghosts if they’re forced to retreat to their cores they reform as was, but apparently, since they’re still partially living, schrodinger's people and all that, halfas have to regrow their body from scratch. At least that’s what he’s understanding from Frostbite. 
But how come he has to deal with it? It’s Dan’s fault for trying to pull such a stunt! Oh, it’s either him or Vlad? Well fuck, he might have calmed down and is going to therapy in both the living realm and the Zone, but he’s waaay not equipped to raise a child except for like, monetarily wise. 
Well dammit, how long will this core incubation thing last, he has his new job in… let him check which offer he accepted again… He has his new job in Coast City that he needs to finish packing for and then all the rest of the stuff to do. 
What do you mean it’ll take months?! He doesn’t have months?! Urgh, fine. At least being a mortician isn’t that exciting, nor dangerous. Just hand him Dan’s core and he’ll figure things out for the living side of things. He’s sure Tucker and Sam wouldn’t be against helping, if only to try and claim favorite aunt or uncle spots. 
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#Coast City is where Hal Jordan lives hilarious enough#I just chose a random city but honestly a green lantern city is hilariously on brand for where Danny would choose to move#He’s just a cheerful space core dude who is glaring down several ghosts & helping others move on while he’s working#He’s also slightly uncanny valley to people outside of Amity & doesn’t realize it#He runs into a reporter Wes at some point & okay the fact he looks like the lady doing math meme when seeing Dan?#Utterly hilarious#Danny holding a newborn with matching slightly pointy ears and claws :)#Wes who is *pretty sure* Danny is cis but is second guessing everything now:#Danny is going to do his best to avoid any hero BS#He’s trying to do his JOB#Who cares if he brings his baby to work he needs to eat and he isn’t going to hire a babysitter#Bby Jordan tried to set the house on fire during his last tantrum do you THINK anyone else can deal with him? That’s what he thought now ou#Ellie visits as well & straight up melts out of the wall sometimes like a horror movie#She has weaponized her goo powers and is also excited to show her dad her new gravity ones#Space Core Danny + Fire Core Vlad = Sun Core Dan#Ellie has a Moon core (something something phases of the moon & travelling across the night sky)#Danny is encountering so many rogues and heroes and just doesn’t acknowledge it because he has a literal BABY who can destroy the entire JL#He’s very tired and would like a nap now
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hajihiko · 10 months
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Welcome to the S.S Awakening, Ryota
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ooppo · 9 months
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Btw for anyone who needs to hear it: thinking that people are reading your mind/your thoughts are being heard by everyone is not normal. It's a symptom of psychosis and could be linked to a psychiatric disorder. This, too, goes with hallucinations.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but to teens who don't know what symptoms look like, they may jog it off for a number of reasons. I did, too, when I was in highschool! As a freshman I was having delusions/hallucinations and I didn't tell anyone because I thought they were cringe and weird. I chalked up my hallucinations to me being "tired". People who have psychosis often don't realize that what they're experiencing IS psychosis. This goes the same with other classmates/friends/loved ones. If someone comes to you with concerning behavior (even if they are joking about it) you should take note of it.
In highschool I remember a kid talking about how he could go into the matrix and he had a whole other world to protect/do missions in. He would also go still for long periods of time randomly. I thought he was weird and didn't think much of it, but those are symptoms of schizophrenia (delusions/catatonia).
I would appreciate it if this got a reblog so it could potentially help those recognize these symptoms in either themselves or others!
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I wish I could have seen a post like this when I was younger. Then I could have avoided a lot of hardships and would have gotten treatment a lot sooner
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cerealmonster15 · 11 months
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cursed au y/n?? Muppets au where Jamil is the token human lol
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bad dream(?)
EDIT [3/4/24 hi] bc i was lookin thru art the other day and. i fear i might have been subconsciously remembering this post when i drew this fkdsjlfjkdslj ;A;??? i think i was actively thinking about those posts on tumblr that go around sometimes that are like "if [whatever media] was remade by the muppets, who would be the token human?" and that's what sparked me to be like "haha what if twst was muppets, who would be the straight man human, jamil would be funny" and led to me drawing this,,, but then when i found that post again the other day i was like oh god,,, the similarities... and i def saw that post in the past so it's possible there was influence and i just Forgot The Origin... WHOOPS AND OOPS IT WASNT INTENTIONAL ;;;A;;;. . . .. . ...
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canisalbus · 4 months
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To me, Machete kind of has the energy of a secondary villain/coldhearted side character in someone else's story that a lot of fans latch onto, moreso than the protagonist. Question is, would he be the villain in anyone's story?
Why, thank you! I'm actually glad to hear he gives off that vibe. I don't think he set out to become a villain but a lot of people certainly view him as one.
#in the 16th century canon he starts out as an introverted but sincerely well meaning guy that never quite manages to find his social niche#he was a sensitive kid and when subjected to enough pressure#his insecurity fearfulness and powerlessness mutate into distrust resentment aggression suffocating repression and self-restraint#I don't think he's a bad person in fact he consistently tries very hard to do the right thing#do his job properly avoid letting people down and get through life with a sense of dignity#but he is supposed to come across kind of cold impersonable and difficult to be around if you don't know him personally (and very few do)#people can sense there's something wrong with him and are put off by it#Vatican is a nest of vipers and as the stakes rise he retreats deeper into his coldblooded untouchable work persona#he has no choice but to start lying scheming blackmailing and eliminating his enemies#in order to maintain his position keep Vasco safe their relationship under wraps and his own head above water#essentially playing by the same rules everyone else in the holy see has been playing with for centuries#eventually he loses his spot as the secretary of state and is manipulated/forced to take on a role in the roman inquisition#and if people were sort of iffy about him before being the authority overseeing trials torture excommunications and executions doesn't help#and since he has so few allies and such an infamous reputation he's an easy target for scapegoating whenever necessary#towards the end it dawns on him that he's become the kind of twisted cruel corrupt person he used to fear and despise#and the guilt moral injury and abject self-loathing had largely sapped him of his will to live by the time the final assassin gets him#answered#anonymous#Machete#Vaschete lore#he thought his dream of priesthood would make him a better person more worthy of admiration safety and love but he climbed too high#and got roped up in the dangerous games that take place under god's nose and slowly got strangled to death
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amazinglyegg · 8 months
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Thank you for this vital information Fallout 4 Does The Dog Die Page
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bitchthefuck1 · 2 months
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It's kind of funny that Kendall and Shiv are both equally delusional about their ability to charm people for business and somehow think they can do it even though they choke almost every single time, whereas it's like the one thing Roman is consistently good at despite being the "least legitimate" option.
I think part of this comes down to the fact that Shiv and Kendall both have very clear ideas of the versions of themselves they're trying to be and the images they're trying to project, and they're trying so hard to be seen that way that they end up coming off as a little desperate and off-putting. Meanwhile Roman "knows" that there's something wrong with him and he's worthless, so he doesn't get sucked into the trap of trying to force people to see his idea of himself and instead molds himself into whatever he thinks the other person wants from him because that's the only way he can compensate for "being him," which works very well in the short term but also means he's the least capable of maintaining any relationship for very long because he has no sense of self.
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whenigetboredijust · 2 months
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Do yall ever wonder if Vaggie grew out her hair like that bc she missed the weight and feeling of her wings touching her back? You know, after they got ripped off?
Cos I do :’(
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puppyeared · 4 months
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Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u
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ask-the-rag-dolly · 15 days
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i'm going to be honest what you all have been doing is harmful to her wellbeing and will have considerable impacts going forward and yes i am saying this right as it's too late to change it , you're welcome everybody
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jahiera · 8 months
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one of the things that hits really nicely for me with Astarion's romance is that he never really encourages or wants you to be some kind of "protector." there are several instances where you can offer him that; protection, swear to him you'll kill cazador, or after his personal quest--I don't have the screencaps on hand, but you can directly say to him that he'll never have to need something like the ritual, because you'll protect him, and HE says back something along the lines of "It would be nice to not need you as my grand protector.... but I appreciate the thought." -- there's tinges here early in act 1 maybe of distrust of faulty promises yes, and considering Tav naive / not comprehending the power of cazador and therefore unhelpful, but even as you proceed, he's never interested in trading a lack of protection for a dependency on a protector.
in fact, the only time he's like "I'm doing it for US... to keep US safe <3" is when he's trying to manipulate/convince Tav into letting him do the ritual. "You want whats best for me right <3333" is the thing he actively uses to try and sway you over to his side, because he knows that's an emotional string to pull on.
there's an insistence of preferring equality in the subtext there; that protection or a skewed imbalance is not what Astarion wants, at his core. he doesn't want a nurse, or to be pitied, or be beholden to anyone. to try and pity him invites his irritation, even outrage. trying to swear to protect him at best gets a fond "I appreciate the Thought" and at worst a "don't be a fucking idiot." it would be veeeeery easy for the narrative to slip into something generic about being able to fix him, but it insists on someone to depend on as equals. give and take in true partnership. and in the post-ritual ending you can really feel the lack of equality there too--only now, he's in the position of both """"protector"""", and more so than that, obsessive beholder of Tav, and he exercises it in overt fashion; of course he'll protect you, your future, your life, is his after all. (and there's a LOT about that that's very interesting to me, and equally as complex & intricate as the no-ritual route in which two people meet on equal footing.) the game never shames this approach of wanting to protect him either, it acknowledges the good intent, and simply shows in Astarion's reactions that there's more here to it than that.
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