#so i'm rather tired of the whole deal myself

[inniave]

every once in awhile i have a flashback so bad it triggers a seizure & nobody really knows why

[camgoloud]

that section of the secret history where richard tries out a vermont winter in unsafe housing and turns into a heat scavenger while gradually descending on-page into a hypothermic fugue state except it’s literally just me trying to survive in my office now that they’ve turned the air conditioning on

[kkami-writes]

waiting for us — chapter fifty four. waiting for us wc. 2k a/n. name drop!!!! ok but that being said this is a VERY heavy chapter dealing with very sensitive topics. please read through the tw and be safe. tl;dr at the end. TW!!! negligent parents, brief mention of abortion, brief mention of religion, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, violent acts, mentions of self-harm and attempted suicide also i'm not entirely sure how I should tag this, but there is a part where yn has her clothes ripped off of her without consent, but it is not in a sexual way (?) or for the purpose of doing something sexual.

You stand just outside the door of 3RACHA’s (and hyunjin’s) apartment, and your quite certain that your heart is going to pound itself straight through your chest. Perhaps there is a brief moment where you consider just running for it but you think better of it. A half empty duffel bag sits on your shoulder and there’s a ratty backpack that hangs loosely off of you. Maybe you’d find it sad that your whole life could fit into two measly bags, but you couldn’t deny that it was just easier this way. You had left nothing behind, wiping your entire existence out of that place and you would not look back.

When you finally gather the courage to knock on the door, your knuckles barely make a sound while they rap against the wood. Yet the moment your hand makes contact with the door, it’s swinging open and Felix throws himself into your embrace. You almost lose your balance but Felix makes sure you don’t fall backwards, clinging almost painfully to you.

He pulls back to ask if you’re okay since you were later than you said you’d be, but the words die on his tongue at the sight of you. There’s nothing different from you besides the bright red mark decorating your cheek.

“YN? What happened? Who hurt you?” He questions, voice going almost impossibly deeper. The thought of someone putting their hands on you fills him with anger. You actually almost don’t know what he’s talking about before remembering the parting gift your mother had given you before you left.

“Oh. This. Don’t worry about it,” You mumble, acting rather nonchalant as you attempt to get past Felix and into the apartment but he doesn’t let you get too far, grasping gently at your wrist to pull you back.

“No seriously. Who hurt you yn? What’s up with the bags?” He fires out questions, now just realizing the two bags you had with you.

“I was hoping I could stay the night. Or a few. Or forever,”

The silence between you is deafening.

“Yn” You hate (love) the way you shudder at the way he says your name in that deep tone of his.

“I might have, um, run away from home?”

“WHAT?” He yells at that effectively alerting the rest of the boys of your presence.

“Lix? Is that YN? What’s going on?” Chan’s voice filters through the apartment, getting louder the closer he gets. You finally move past Felix, leaving your bags by the door for now.

“Lixie, I’ll explain everything ok? I don’t want to have to keep repeating myself over and over again,” You beg the boy with an almost desperate lilt to your voice, giving him big puppy eyes for added ammo just in case. He sighs and let’s it go for now, letting you drag him towards the couches.

But of course, even if Felix had dropped it, the other’s wouldn’t; immediately demanding to know who hit you as soon as they see your red cheeks. As much as you appreciate their concern, the swirl of emotions you’ve been feeling for hours already has you on edge and you’re so close to snapping.

“GUYS” You raise your voice and the effect is immediate, all of them quieting down and staring back at you. “It’s ok, I promise. I barely feel it. It was the first time my mom hit me anyway,” At that they all start asking questions again, talking over each other but one glare from you shuts them up again. “Please. I’m here to explain okay? So please, let me tell you everything before you guys start asking a million questions,” You plead, tired and scared of the can of worms you were potentially about to open. But you also know how much you need this. You just couldn’t keep it in anymore.

The boys all gather onto the couch and the seats next to it, with you sat in the middle next to Felix and Jisung, one on either side of you. Both of them are close enough that you can feel their thighs pressed to yours. It helps to keep you grounded while you try to take a deep breath but it just comes out shaky. Jisung slides his hand into yours, giving it a squeeze before giving you a reassuring nod.

“I was an accident. My mom somehow managed to get pregnant even though my dad had a vasectomy after they had my brother. Despite not wanting another child, they decided to have me anyway for whatever reason. We’re not religious or anything so she could have just gotten an abortion. I’ll never know why they decided to have me.

Growing up the abuse was mostly verbal. An insult here or there, mostly reminding me I wasn’t wanted or needed. My brother of course was the worst with his words but overall it really wasn’t that bad. For the most part they ignored my existence, which was honestly fine with me. It….only got worse after I turned 16. When I got my soulmark,” Your hands are shaking in Jisung’s firm grip while Felix scoots closer for comfort, nuzzling his cheek against your shoulder. You are so thankful for them.

“Both of my parents are blanks and so is my brother. So it was only natural that I assumed that I would be a blank as well. So imagine my surprise when it turns out I have 8 soulmates,” You let out a small snort, head shaking softly.

“I’m know you’re all probably thinking that I freaked out or panicked about having so many soulmates with how I reacted when we met, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” You make brief eye contact with Jeongin who has a confused expression on his fox-like face.

“For the first time, hope bloomed in my chest. My original plan was to leave when I turned 18, as soon as I could, but I didn’t really know what I would do. I would be all alone, no soulmate and experiencing the real world for the first time. But now, I finally felt like I had a purpose. To find my soulmates. I couldn’t believe that I would have 8 soulmates. 8 people who would love me. Who would want me” your voice cracks at those last words, tears burning in your eyes. Hyunjin looks like he’s not too far behind with his own tears threatening to fall.

“Of course I had lied to my parents about my soulmark, just saying I was a blank. It was easy since they didn’t really care but I had the suspicion that my brother didn’t believe me. I used to stand in front of my mirror staring at my soulmark, tracing over your names, dreaming about what life would be like with you guys,” Felix clings a little harder to you. “It was my only solace in that prison, that one day I would be where I belonged,”

“One day my brother…he caught me looking at my mark. He-“ Your eyes close in pain as the tears run down your cheeks. You squeeze at Jisung’s hands who haven’t lefts yours yet as you take in a deep breath. “He dragged me to the living room by my hair, yelling at my parents that I was a lying whore. That I was some kind of greedy slut for having so many soulmates. He pushed me to the ground and…he- he,” You choke on your tears before you feel someone patting your cheeks dry with tissues. You look up to see Minho, his eyes soft and sad as he continues to dry the tears leaking from your eyes. The other boys that were not on the couch have abandoned their seats in favor of being closer to you. Seungmin is on the floor, stroking at your calves soothingly, while Hyunjin does the same on your other side.

“He ripped my skirt off and…he….he took a lighter and….and-“ You can’t even finish the sentence before you throw yourself in Seungmin’s embrace, sobbing into his shoulder as he holds you. The rest of the boys try to comfort you as you feel hands along your back and hair, soft soothing words being said into your ears. It takes you a few minutes to pull yourself together.

“’M sorry-“ You say with a sniffle, letting Minho clean your face as he insists on doing it himself.

“Don’t say sorry. You’ve had horrific things done to you. You are so strong,” Changbin says in a soft voice, contrasting his normally loud demeanor. His hands smooth your hair down.

You can hear the sniffles from Felix and Jisung who have starting sobbing silently, their hearts breaking for you. You let out a sigh because you’re not even done.

“After that…the abuse…got worse. It turned physical as my brother would take his anger out on me. My parents didn’t care about what he did to me. I slowly…became a shell of myself. I started turning to self harm because everything hurt so much that I needed something else to hurt so I didn’t have to think about anything else. Even though he didn’t sever our soulmark, I felt like I had let you down- that I let someone else disfigure our beautiful connection. I though about my soulmates who would probably never want someone as broken as I was. I felt so lost. So….on graduation night I-“ You tuck your head down in shame. “I swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills,”

Everyone is deadly silent but you can hear Hyunjin and Jeongin joining in on the crying. Seungmin just holds you a little tighter.

“I had texted Minghao before I went through with it. Telling him that I was so grateful for his friendship and that him and Jun were the best friends I could ever ask for. Of course that man has some freaky 8th sense or something because I don’t think it took him more than five minutes to get to my house even though he lives twenty minutes away. He was yelling at me when he barged into my bathroom but I don’t remember much after that. I passed out and woke up in the hospital. Now that I was conscious Minghao throughly chewed my ass out though. The nurses had wanted to hospitalize me actually for mental health reasons but my parents refused and said something about how it was just an accident,”

“We thought you died,” Jeongin pipes up, his eyes red rimmed with tears as he sniffles.

“Your mark went gray and we all felt this sharp pain in our chests. That night we had mourned the loss of a soulmate that we thought we’d never get to meet. The relief we felt when your mark went back to black was unmatched. We had assumed you must have had an accident or something to have triggered the mark to react,”

The rest are eerily quiet, still waiting for you to continue your story.

“After I was discharged, my father had someone managed to score himself a promotion. Something about using a sob story about how his daughter was feeling lost being in a small town and needing to explore or some other bullshit. Either way we were suddenly packing and moving to seoul, not that my opinion mattered if I wanted to go or not.

My grades in school were actually pretty good. I really didn’t have anything better to do then study so It was surprisingly easy to get into seoul uni. And well….then I met Jeongin in Biology. Slowly the rest of you followed and wormed your way into my heart,” you smile fondly at the boys around you who smile back, even with tears stained cheeks.

“I really don’t care about the thread Yunjin posted, but my brother saw it and was not happy. He informed our parents and they let me have it. I just sat there taking it when I realized that I didn’t have to put up with this shit anymore. So I kinda just got up, grabbed my stuff and left…Figured you guys wouldn’t mind if I stayed,”

“Never ever. You do realize that now that you’re here we are never letting you go. Ever again,” Changbin whispers, squeezing you a little tighter. The boys are practically cutting off your oxygen but you can hardly care, feeling the love pouring out of them. You love them. You never want to be without them ever again.

“You have been so brave, so strong. We are so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you for waiting for us,”

tl;dr ! yn's parents find out about her soulmates via her brother who found out from the thread. while they chew her out, she realizes that she doesn't has to put up with this anymore and "runs" away (but not without her mother slapping her). she goes over to their apartment to tell them her story. yn was an "accident" and even though her parents didn't want another child, they went ahead with the birth anyway. they, along with her brother never let her forget that she was unwanted. both her parents and her brother are blanks and so she had assumed she would be too - but surprise, surpise. she has 8 soulmates. yn adored her mark and was excited for the day she would get to be with them. she'd spend time staring at her mark, memorizing their names. one day her brother catches her and gets so angry that he takes a lighter and burns her mark. after that yn falls into a deep depression and turns to self-harm in order to cope. still unable to take it and feeling like she let her soulmates down, she decides to take a bunch of sleeping pills. minghao is the one who finds her and saves her. the boys mention that they thought that she had died due to the mark reacting and turning grey. they were very happy when the mark went back to black. after her attempt, her father was able to get a promotion at work and moved their family to seoul, resulting in yn finally finding her soulmates.

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[oneawkwardwriter]

Bedtime Tales

pairing: Wonka!Willy Wonka x literary nerd!gn!reader warnings/tags: Wonka spoilers!, just a lighthearted story, reader being a huge nerd totally not inspired by myself no... summary: reader finds out that not only has Willy never learned how to read, he was also never read to as a child, so they make a deal a/n: I'm lowkey obsessed with the new Wonka film, I can't even learn for major tests without seeing connections wc: 942

"What do you mean you can't read?" You asked in astonishment as you stare at the chocolatier in front of you.

"I just can't..." Willy said rather matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders as he took in the shocked expression on your face. "I never needed to, so I never learned it."

"Would've come in handy at zoo," Noodle muttered under her breath, "We nearly got eaten by a tiger."

"Keyword: nearly," Willy emphasised, "I've nearly been eaten by a lot of things, and they only got as much as a nibble."

"Okay, yeah, that's... that's not really comforting," You replied, shaking your head as if to process the thought, "So, you don't how to read... but at least you've been read to when you were a child, right? Right...?"

But Willy only shook his head, making your eyes widen more. "You've never been... right, okay, uhm... right, yes..." You're stumbling over your words, trying to form a coherent sentence and failing miserably. "Right, well... I'm sorry, but how has someone with so much imagination never been read to? Where do your ideas come from if not from stories?"

"I don't know, they just... form in my mind?" Willy answered, not sure how to respond to your questions. "I think you're making this a bigger deal than it has to be."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. the Chocolatier," You reply sarcastically as you look him dead in the eye, "I didn't realise that you were capable of such great things. Why would you even need to read? You already traveled around the world, so there's no need for you to immerge yourself into another."

"Are you sure she's still talking about my non-ability to read?" Willy asked Noodle, still confused but also slightly intrigued by your apparent affinity for reading.

"Hey, you pissed off the literature nerd, not me," Noodle simply answered before going back to her chores.

"Okay, you're exaggerating, I'm not pissed off," You clarify as you shake your head, "I'm just... baffled by the fact that you've never bothered with anything related to reading."

Truth be told, they could've gone around in circles like that forever if it hadn't been for Mrs. Scrubbit checking everyone's attendance and sending them to their separate rooms.

You leaned against the door and sighed, tired from yet another exhausting day at the bleachers. You sat down on your bed and let your head rest in your hands. Having been at the laundromat and bleachers for a few years now and still having several years ahead of you, you had given up on dwelling over your miserable predicament.

So instead, you got out a book from your suitcase, one of your very few possessions. Seeing as the lightbulb above your head kept on flickering and wouldn't provide much light, you moved over to the window, where the moon casted a dim glow over the pages.

After a while, you heard a soft psst coming from the window of the room across from yours. You looked up, only for your eyes to catch the gaze of the brilliant, illiterate young man.

"So, I had a talk with Noodle, and she offered to learn me how to read," Willy said, "She said it would be necessary if this whole chocolate selling operation works through."

"Well, that's a nice offer," You reply, "And I agree with her. You won't always be able to depend on others to do the reading for you."

"Now that you mention it, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing," He comments, "I mean, you seemed to be a advocate for being read to, right?"

You can't help but lightly chuckle. "There's a massive difference between having someone read for you and someone read to you, Mr. Wonka," You say, "One creates a depency, the other provides an escape."

"Well, if that's the case, let's hope that prisoners aren't being read to," Willy joked, lightly grinning when he saw a faint smile creep up your lips. "See, who needs to read when a clever choice of words can make even the most stubborn of people crack a smile?"

"Who are you calling stubborn, Mr 'My near-death experience doesn't mean I should learn how to read'?" You ask rethorically as you raise and eyebrow at him, "Besides, it's often a clever choice of words that makes reading so worthwhile."

"Well, I suppose you'll have to prove that to me in order for me to believe it," He argued, secretly hoping you'd concede.

"Oh, is that how it has to be?" In your mind, you were somewhat thrilled to indulge and with that, be able to share something you were passionate about. But what's the fun in simply saying okay? "Well, I suppose if you asked kindly enough I would think about it..."

"Alright, alright..." Willy said as he stifled a smirk while rolling his eyes. "Would you, please, read to me so I may realise at last what I've been missing out on?"

"Because you asked so politely and totally weren't forced to do so, I will indulge you, Mr. Wonka," You say, fighting back a smile of your own.

And so, you start to read, occasionally looking up only to find fim listening attentively. Right before the story reaches its climax, you shut the book.

Being surprised by the sudden halt, Willy snaps out of his hazy state of drifting off into the story and looks confused.

"Hey, why did you stop?" He asks in astonishment, "How am I supposed to know how the story ends?"

"I guess we'll find out another time," You say, a slight smirk forming on your lips. "Good night, Willy."

© This work belongs to @oneawkwardwriter, please do not copy this work to any other site or claim it as your own. Reblogs are allowed and appreciated!

[missterious-figure]

Part 2

Sun was staring at something, but you couldn't hear or see anything out of the ordinary in your yard... whatever it was that was bothering Sun was definitely coming from beyond the wooden fence. You listened silently, hoping for some clue or indication as to what had the mer so on-edge. The faint rustling of leaves from the other side of the fence caught your attention. You heard a few deep grumpy mumbles, followed by a lighter-voiced angry retort, and your heart nearly stopped.

You recognized those voices. The first one was your dad's, the second belonged to your mother. And by the sound of it, your dad was being told to climb the fence. Instant panic flooded your system and you shoved Sun back into the pond. Of course the mer was quite confused as to why you were now pushing him away. He tried to swim back to you, gurgling, but you quickly put a finger over your mouth. He seemed to understand, as he shut his mouth mid-squeak.

"Sun, be a good boy and hide, okay?"

You said frantically as you stood up and tried to shoo him back underwater. Still quiet as a mouse, he tilted his head.

"You know, hide? Dive! Go back under until I come get you, okay?"

He finally got it, and disappeared under the murky water. Just in time! Your father poked his head over the fence, leaves and twigs sticking in his hair. You turned to face him, using all your might to stop yourself from giggling. You knew he would yell at you if you did. Before you could even get upset at him, he barked in a rather unpleasant tone,

"Who were you talking to? I heard you talking to someone."

"Who said you could climb over my fence? And when did I say you could come visit me?"

He scowled at your remark.

"I'm your father, I don't need permission to visit you."

You decided to make things short. You already didn't what to deal with him any longer.

"So what do you want? If you're going to ask me to come back, I'm not."

He glared angrily, and you could tell that's probably along the lines of what he wanted to talk to you about.

"You owe me and your mother everything! We are your parents! And we certainly didn't raise you to be such ill mannered and arrogant brat!"

Growling, he began to heave himself over the fence.

"One way or another, you will come back, even if I have to drag you myself! Now come on, the car is still running and I won't argue with you anymore!"

You stepped back, terrified. Was your crazy fuck of a dad really trying to kidnap you? You hurriedly scrambled to get your phone from your pocket and dialed 9-1-1. The look of terror on your on your dad's face was quite evident, as he froze, then began to climb back down the other side of the fence.

"Y-yeah that's right I'll- I'll call the cops on you!"

He quickly disappeared and you heard a car door slam. Tires screeched as and drove off into the distance, until they faded away.

Wow. Fuck. That was fast. You were lucky your father was so afraid of getting caught by the police (mostly so his reputation wouldn't be ruined, you thought to yourself) that the mere mention of you dialing 9-1-1 was enough to send him packing. Hopefully, your parents would keep believing the whole "I'll call the cops" ruse. If not, you weren't sure how else you would make them leave you alone. Deep down, you knew you could never actually call the police. What if the cops found out about Sun somehow? What would they do to him? And his brothers, Moon and Eclipse?

You didn't what to think about that. You shook the thoughts from your head and collapsed onto you knees next to Sun's pond. This whole situation was a headache to think about, and your parents were getting more pushy and forceful. You couldn't take another one of their visits. You had no idea when, but you had started crying. Streams of tears trickled down your face and your nose became runny. You buried your head in your hands. This was all to much...

Sun slowly bobbled his head up to the surface, his big round eyes staring intently.

"Muhrrp?"

Your dropped your hands to your knees quietly. You took a better look at his face. There was clearly a look of concern on his face. He probably saw the whole situation, from under the water. He slowly pulled himself ashore, his face now inches from yours. After a few moments of the two of you staring at each other, he gently pressed his closed mouth onto your tear soaked cheek. You sat there stunned for a moment, completely caught off guard. Did he just... give you a kiss? You couldn't help but smile, a few more tears, happy tears, slipping from your eyes.

You slammed yourself into Sun almost sending both of you back into the water. He wasn't sure what to do at first, but he quickly caught on. He wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back. He gurgled and cooed in a soothing way, as if he was actually talking words of comfort. Even though he was wet and a little slimy, you were grateful for this. Even if you hadn't known him very long, he was more loving than your family had ever been during your whole life time.

"Thank you, Sun."

***

Link to part 1 below

[scientia-rex]

Do you have thoughts about dealing with your ADHD without medication? I'm in Europe where the laws are different and its haaaaard to access meds. (Immigration is very bad for consistent health care)

Yeah, I mean, caffeine. Caffeine in the mornings and propranolol if I overdo it or have too much caffeine after 1pm. Caffeine has a variable half-life depending on your genetics, so for some people they can have caffeine within about 4-5 hours of trying to sleep and for me if I have it within 9 hours of when I want to sleep I'm a little fucked. (5-9 hours is a relatively typical range for half-life.) Caffeine has active metabolites, which means that as your body processes it to break it down it creates different molecules which are still stimulants, so it's not as simple as "caffeine in, break it down, inert molecule out." You also need to be aware that your brain WILL develop tolerance, so taking drug holidays where you have a chaotic, disorganized day will help when you go back to work.

Another alternative is Strattera, generic name atomoxetine, which gets marketed as a "non-stimulant" ADHD medication. In my opinion it does still have stimulant qualities and the classification has more to do with legal status than medical reality. However, it does have a tendency to cause nausea, so I usually start people low (10mg) and ramp up to 80-100mg, which is target range for efficacy for most people. It doesn't seem as effective as the stimulants but it also doesn't have the legal implications of the stimulants.

Wellbutrin, generic name bupropion, is an antidepressant, but it's not the same as SSRIs or SNRIs--it has its own combination of effects on neurotransmitters that makes it a cousin rather than a sibling drug. It can be used (off-label) for ADHD.

In terms of other things I do to help myself cope, setting and maintaining a sleep schedule is critical. I definitely always feel like I'm being asked to wake up at the equivalent of 3am for other people. This means I need to make sure I go to bed and get up at consistent times, including days off. Bed needs to be for sleeping and intimacy and not for being activated--not for reading, not for hanging out. "Sleep hygiene" is about training your brain that when you go to bed, you go to sleep. The bedroom needs to be quiet, cool, and dark. You can Google sleep hygiene for more information on that.

Learning how to learn was critical for surviving med school. I didn't struggle that much with the material even in grad school, though I was more miserable overall in grad school. The sheer volume meant I couldn't just read everything once and figure enough would stick; I had to read, listen, watch, and eventually I figured out that I really needed to draw pictures and make myself flash cards if I wanted to actually force my brain to retain anything. Making sure I was physically comfortable, including that I was fed, hydrated, and didn't have to pee, was also part of the process. Getting there involved lots of tears and failing multiple tests.

Cleaning can't be an all or nothing proposition or nothing ever gets cleaned. When I start cleaning, I just grab whatever I'm walking by that catches my attention. Fuck doing whole tasks at a time consistently. Move those three bowls to the sink, in the kitchen realize I need to take out the recycling, take out the recycling and realize on the way back in that I have a load of laundry to start, start the laundry and realize I need to pee, while I'm in the bathroom realize I need to clean the counter, clean the counter and realize I need to take out the bathroom trash, take out the bathroom trash and realize I still didn't pee, continue until I'm too tired and then sit down and have a snack and a nap. My house is still a black hole but it's infinitely better than my apartments when I was younger.

Accepting that you can't do things the neurotypical way is a big part of it. Giving up on how things "should" be and recognizing what you can do and how you can do it is critical. I will never stop crashing into things so I've bought rounded furniture that hurts less when I crash into it. I'm slowly designing a life and a home where I'm playing to my strengths, and although it's a work in process, I'm slowly becoming happier.

[max-nico]

Today I offer you an unbreakable bond ficlet from that celeb au that I've mentioned. Tomorrow? Who knows.

Note before you read: Sonic is in a band, Tails is a child prodigy as well as a revolutionary inventor, they are best friends

Tails thinks he's much too old to be scruffed. He's turning thirteen this year, there is no reason that his best friend is currently scruffing him. Well-there is a reason actually, just a dumb one that doesn't matter anyway, so that basically means there's no reason.

He was only doing his job as Sonic's best friend and honorary younger brother; defending him to the media. They're nothing but vultures who try to tear him down and he's just so tired of it. So what he bit a reporter? They shouldn't've gotten so close to his teeth if they didn't wanna be bit.

This is stupid. Sonic is stupid. Friendship officially over.

"If you don't wanna be scruffed, then maybe you shouldn't bite people." Sonic says flatly, tightening his hold on Tails as he flails in his grip.

"Maybe you should just let me go, you're being dumb!"

"I'm being dumb?!"

"Yes!!!"

"Tails, please do me a favor and repeat back to me what you did today."

Tails scrunches his face and crosses his arms, trying to plant his feet into the ground so Sonic stops dragging him.

"Well?"

"I fought for your honor!"

"You bit a reporter!"

"He was talking crap about you right in front of you! I should've ripped his arm off!!"

"Tails!?"

"What, I'm right and you know it!!"

Sonic facepalms, a large huff exiting his muzzle as he turns Tails to look at him. He has a face of pure exhaustion that makes the fox feel a little bad, but he has no regrets. That guy had it coming. He could sue Tails for all he's worth and he still wouldn't regret it.

"You act like you wouldn't do the same thing for me." Tails tries to fight his way out of Sonic's hold again, he fails.

"I wouldn't."

Tails growls. "Don't scruff me and lie to my face at the same time, it's poor manners."

"Don't talk to me about manners when you still have someone else's blood in your fur."

Then he's being dragged across the floor again, fighting the entire way down the hall. Stupid Sonic. Stupid reporter. It's not even like it's a lot of blood, he's had worse from biting his tongue too hard.

Sonic completely lifts him from the ground and places him on a chair in the back of the venue. The hedgehog whips out his phone as Tails snarls at him, harmlessly clawing at the air in front of him.

"No, stop." Sonic says, "Your parents are on their way."

Hurt flashes in the foxes eyes, the burning anger from just a second ago nowhere to be seen as he looks at Sonic. His head is tilted down and his face is screwed up like he ate a sour lemon. "You... You told them?"

Tails feels like his heart dropped onto the floor, and he can feel his unwanted tears clogging his throat. He promises he was joking before, he didn't actually want to end their friendship. He doesn't actually think Sonic is stupid he was just upset. Sonic is basically the older brother he's never had.

"What? No! They watched the news!" Ah, that makes more sense. "No matter how angry I am would never do that to you. Do you understand?"

Tails nods, but he doesn't feel more reassured. Honestly, he's a few steps from throwing up. All he really feels now is nausea and regret for arguing with Sonic, still not for biting that guy though, he would do it again if he could.

Tails just wishes that he didn't spend half of his last few moments here arguing with Sonic and instead of making up, because now his parents are coming. His parents are coming and if he thinks being yelled at by Sonic is bad, being punished by his parents is ten times worse. Tails would rather Sonic yell at him for the rest of the day than be with his parents for an hour

"Listen bud," Sonic sighs, crouching down to Tails' level. "It won't be all bad. We still have the whole brand deal thing going on, so you'll be right back with me again tomorrow? I'll even come get you myself."

Tails wipes his eyes and sniffles, the gesture makes him feel like he's a lonely five year old all over again. Determined not to cry and just as scared as he used to be, but he really does try to take Sonic's words to heart.

Just one night back at home. One night with his parents. One night on punishment. One night. Just twelve hours.

Taking a deep shaky breath, Tails gives Sonic a lopsided grin. He can do one night, because his brother has taught him not to dwell on the now and keep looking forward. He can do one night, because tomorrow he gets to see Sonic all over again.

And isn't that exciting?

Three non related posts in a row wow guys. I think I might be with the kids call a "sigma" (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Anyway, I also have a drabble for Amy and Cream somewhere as well as one about Sage and Mika (instead of Miku.. I couldn't help myself), I have one about Tails and Kit in my Google docs and one about how Sonic and Tails met, I just love my little guys in my head what can I say.

Instead of writing for this au in the past month I have a bunch of fake Twitter posts for them so maybe I will post those at some point 😭🤚🏾

Anyways uhmm.... Come jump in my ask box if you want. I love talking to people

[cherryblossomforest]

What I got from my conversation with my dad is that I can pour out my heart to him and he will give me empty words. It's because I am the part of him he blocked out to cope. He said I remind him of himself and he sees me as a Mini Me rather ME. He sees himself. He sees everything he had to change to cope. He doesn't see himself in my sister. He sees someone not capable.

I cried my heart out and I got the same words I've heard since I was 16. I cried. I plead. But I am a reflection of himself that he's not ready to see. He will never see me. He's not ready.

I told him there's never space for me. I am my sisters keeper. I told him I've been the glass child. No one expects me to not deal. I have to just get in with it. I am the baby though. He is also the baby of his siblings.

I told him I cannot count the amount of times I've been raped and abused and beaten and I'm still left to deal with it alone. He sat in silence listening. I told him I'm always carrying everything myself but I'm tired. I am so tired.

He told me he's sorry. He's let me down so much. He's sorry. I heard the same words I heard since I was 16.

I told him I miss my mother. I hate that I do but she will always welcome me with open arms. There was space for me with her, even though that space was cramped and toxic. I told him I hate myself for missing her but I'm alone. I'm always alone. I can't do this alone anymore.

He rubbed my shoulder. I pleaded with him. I begged for a change. I told him I've spent my whole life trying to figure out what is wrong with me. What I've done wrong. I apologised over and over and over. He told me I had nothing to be sorry for. It's not me. I heard the same words I've heard since I was 16...

[eddo-tensei]

To anyone who feels put off by the fifth season of Miraculous, especially fans of Chloe, come here. You're safe.

I'll be frank. This blog of mine had become rather salty these days, but it's kinda hard not to be given how things have been going for Miraculous, ESPECIALLY in this fifth season. That said, if you've had to deal with people yelling at you for daring for not liking the direction this show is going down or, god forbid, you like characters they don't (I.E: Chloe), have no fear for I'm here.

Call it a hugbox or whatever, but I'm welcoming all fans to my blog and I'm not gonna tolerate salters coming in because I'm tired of being salty. This show has disappointed me too many times, so I'm just going to embrace fanon starting with my own work.

This is essentially my passion project and while I've found myself demotivated due to Season 5's shenanigans, I've realized that I can't just simply let this show destroy my passion. I'll see this story through no matter what not only because of the fans who are still with me, but because of another fandom that I think you'll feel very welcome in.

While I can't speak for the RC9GN fandom as a whole, I am more than happy to take in old fans who have been scorned by current Miraculous. If you need something to comfort you, please watch Randy Cunningham Ninth Grade Ninja and then read my fic. That said, you don't need to do either. Just know that you are welcome here and from this point onward with a few exceptions here and there, I'll try to make this a welcome place for everyone. Thank you.

[burnandblind]

Freak with a Capital F

So like I said: I'm a shut-in. An introvert. A hermit.

A misanthrope, if you will. I know there's not actual causality but understandably, the correlation is high.

Just as it is high between intelligence and neurodivergence.

And neurodivergence and queerness.

Of course, being "conventionally attractive" makes the whole ordeal of existing that much more...complicated.

You can be a pretty one, or a strong one, or a smart one...but if you try to be all three? Or happen to be endowed with them and improve upon?

Well. I've found it's pretty rare to have High Stats all across the board.

But unfortunately, being mentally ill, weird af, and also chronically financially unstable?

Ha. Forget friends. At least for me.

Then there's the Paranormal Experiences. And the special interest in enlightenment, human potential, psychology, sociology, etc .. Interests in everything. Good at basically anything.

Except interpersonal relationships. Except.. being normal.

I've always been searching for someone I could relate to.

But that was never the problem. It wasn't that I didn't relate to other people.

I've seen myself in others and vice versa since I was very young. I've always been very understanding and compassionate.

Yielding.

But now?

Now, I wonder about this guy who used to work at a GNC.

He was a very attractive white man. At the time I would've been in my mid-twenties. I'd say he was around the same age, too.

Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, gorgeous physique.

He ended up killing himself.

I think about him periodically. Along with everyone else I've ever known. Their lives, their struggles. Their bonds and their flaws. Their good and bad traits.

I see no real difference between us. I don't. Not really.

But this... intersectional existence I have? This... perception of reality?

Well. Maybe I give off a different Electromagnetic Field than others.

It's definitely possible, considering what I've done my whole life.

Focus on the impossible.

I want to find my people. My soulmates.

They look and act a certain way. I think they'd hold the same values, at least. Have some of the same experience, some of the same understandings.

I want to be attracted to someone 100%. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I've met/seen men, women, and nonbinary folx (or others) who I thought/felt.. I fell in love with how they looked at first sight.

I've had the privilege of experiencing that a half dozen times so far. Mostly women. Because I'm 90% attracted to women. More intensely than men or any others. Even more so if they're ciswomen. Even more so if they're mixed. Even more so if they're... compatible.

But I have not found a woman who I am physically attracted to who I am also compatible with.

I've only been with a handful. My brain is... odd. About who I find attractive and who I don't.

There's plenty of people who are definitely attractive that I don't want to kiss.

Even more so people who are attractive or cool or whatever... but they're not my people, you know?

Oh well.

I like being me. I don't like dealing with capitalism. Or people being fucked up about me being trans. Or being held to stupid standards.

I'm masculine enough. I'm feminine enough. I'm smart enough and I love to learn and grow. I always focus on getting better.

And all I can think is: When I finally get my shit completely together.. is that when I will find them?

But how could I trust anyone or anything by then? If all people seem to care about more is my financial stability and normacly?

I'm... kinda tired. Of just being cordial and diplomatic with people. People are what they are. Everyone is... relatively good. Just like I am.

But I'd rather be alone. Reading and exercising and focusing on enlightenment than interacting with anyone.

[yuseirra]

hello there! i've been lurking on ur blog for a while now, and i absolutely love your art and analyses of hikaai!! you made me realize how good of a ship they are together and how tragic it is, and i think you made me love them as much as i do now. the analyses you write about them have really changed my viewpoint of oshi no ko entirely, and i really enjoy how well written they are. thank you so much for all of it!!

i wanted to ask you if you know some songs that seem very hikaai to you? i want to make a playlist for hikaai because i can't find any on spotify, but right now there's not many songs, so i turn to you for help. i've put mephisto and fatal in there because of your posts with those songs :33

thank you once more !! keep being great !!

Hello!// Wow, it's such an honor! I say this a lot lately but I really mean it.. Really? I am so glad! Ah, this makes me so happy. I've been writing about them in a rather frantic manner, I wish I could be more graceful and calm... I'm suddenly feeling a bit shy hehe but I have to be really stern about wrong things, aren't I!! I can't be so calm when I talk about beings like Ryosuke, there are just some things that I feel really strongly about and can't condone... this manga tackles really dark subjects sometimes, and they always get a reaction out of me.

It may take a few chapters for the current situation in the piece to be fully resolved (idk if they'll drag the idea of Kamiki being the "true villain" for so long.. that's going to be so tiring if they do), but I feel like I am on the right track after having thought over just what exactly this piece is trying to convey. ONK has a theme that's been very clear and consistent, and I believe in the writers to send out a message powerful and meaningful. It's made me think about what people go through, and I appreciate it.

Again, wow, really?/// I had that effect on you? Whew, this is so relieving and fulfilling, you're so kind! Thanks for letting me know! They are quite a lovely and powerful ship, aren't they? People will come to see what they are by the series comes to its closure. I know it will happen! There aren't a lot of pieces dedicated to them yet... but when everyone realizes it's THE Fatal and Mephisto ship, they'll see. Hope my works don't get buried when that happens~ ;v;)/

I would love to help you on this, but I was never really good at making playlists.. will you link me yours when you make yours? :)

I'm really sure I know a lot of songs that have their vibe, but I can't finger them right off the bat:

However, I felt the new songs from P3R really suits them in terms of some of its lyrics because it deals with the loss of someone dear and unknowing what to do without them. I've been listening to those a lot along with onk songs, and it's REALLY fitting!

+OH WAIT NEVER MIND. I found a whole BUNCH of songs.

I hope they suit your taste 'v')/

It feels like my heart is suffocating

How do you make amends when you're gone from me?

Even though with a win how come I feel so lost?

Nothing makes sense to me

I'm so numb, so lost without you

Spending days and nights of silence

'cause no words can explain how I feel In my mind and heart

Oh, I don't know what I am but I miss myself 'cause she's not here anymore

How can I move on? Please tell me

Already lost my keys

To the door wide shut

Only have one wish

Now it's never gonna come true

Trapped in time

Forever in remorse

How could I ever be

In peace when nothing else matters to me?

Phantasmagoria is a interesting song, there are lyric in the description.. its story involves encountering a ghost of a loved one and dancing together before daylight strikes, wishing to return to the old days when they were alive. It's worth a listen!

Hydra from MYTH & ROID is such a powerful song.

ACTUALLY, this is the one song I think would be REALLY fitting, it's SO similar to Fatal in terms of what it's saying!

The lyrics for this go:

Even if I lose everything

I still have something to offer

Be it my future or my life itself

My burned-out emotions, my unanswered prayers

My miserable begging, my foolish giving

My strained voice, my dirtied hands

Even my ripped open heart

I have been wishing for nothing but your happiness

Over and over

Even if everything I hold in these hands is lost

As long as there is still time

I will keep trying over and over again

I don't care if it's meaningless and futile

Even if the days I've spent would end in misery

If my wishes change to curses

Even if it was all in vain, I don't mind

Only you remain in my eyes

At the end of this dark road

It seems as though any light would eventually die out

If that is what is decided by fate

Rather than living by holding onto hope

I sacrifice my all for the now

My burned-out emotions, my unanswered prayers

My miserable begging, my foolish giving

Whatever happens, I don't care

I will give my all for you

Nothing would make me happier than

If I could be with you forever

This song is very interesting too! It has lyrics like:

Please, I’ll do anything, just once, let me turn back time.

I’ll even offer up one, no, two of my fingers.

I can’t bring myself to laugh, ever.

Because even the most natural of my emotions vanished along with you.

Yes, that’s right.

No matter how many years pass, I still live as if I’m dead.

Now, God, break me, break me, please.

I have no idea what happened.

This bone-dry heart of mine, come on

touch it, touch it, please.

Even if a thousand years pass, they won’t heal.

I’ll carry these wounds to the end.

Hey, God, kill me, come on, kill me, please.

It’s all my fault, you see.

Things can never be put back to the way they were,

in the end, just laugh, laugh at me again.

These are some depressing songs, but I feel like those were the type of feelings Hikaru would have felt all along. And the songs involve about wishes to bring someone or to turn back time, so I feel it's very fitting to the situation! If he could do it, he'd definitely bring Ai back. And from what I see, he's disregarding his life a whole lot...

How about "Mugen Nostalgia?" I'm just adding this on because this cover sounds so good! But now that I examine the lyrics, it works!!

Until when will I walk by myself?

It spins round and round, then it slips past by.

Until where will you let me feel lonely?

Are you giggling? Where are you?

I want to see you again.

Is it too rushed to go now? But it's always like this, isn't it?

"Can I see you again?"

Don’t laugh at me with such a blank face, like a scarecrow at the sunset.

I’m still chasing what I've been looking for.

So I will never stop my footsteps until I finally find that. 

There’s no need for such thing as promises.

I'll come for you, so don't worry, it's my classic memory.

Saying “since you’re so lovely I can’t stand it,”

I held tightly to laziness’ hand, feeling completely tamed while it looked my way and laughed laughed so many times, saying, “that’s how it is”while looking at me with distant, pitying eyes

Grieving these horrible times—yes, over and over I’ve suffered

Since salvation without an aim can never reach

There’s nothing left, no, nothing left now

Let’s put an end to it with words

“Ah, I’m satisfied with this” I chanted that over and over

A utopia which slips through my fingers and vanishes

It’s surely, yes, surely a bit too late to return to that time, it seems

I can't get my mind off you

I'm such an idiot

Same as usual

You made me feel so better

It brings back memories

It's things about you

My hands can't take back that the time I passed with you

Some doubts broke me down, broke me down

If you are still alive, I wanted to say it's not your fault

But it's too late for us

Maybe I'm afraid I'm not as tender guy as you think

Looking your eyes, and I say "love you" with fake smile

I don't know what to do

Please tell me what should I do

Just feel so sad inside, but I kiss you

Kiss you...

To end this on a positive note, Lamp from Cö shu Nie seems really fitting to how Ai would feel towards Hikaru, I've been there when TPN was reaching its closure and I'm having so many flashbacks about them seeing how things are playing out in ONK. Emma really wanted to save Norman who was keeping up a strong front and chose to take a path of death for everyone's sake and she was able to bring him back in the end with.. a really huge cost... This song reflects how much she cares for him. She brought him back into the light, and I feel like this is what Ai is going to do for Hikaru too.. it's such a warm song.

It's been confirmed by the creator that it is about how Emma felt about Norman.

Quasi love, quasi love, quasi love. I want to be connected

What you thought was a waste and you removed(your life)

Is irreplaceable to me

Don't stay quiet with such a sad face

Kick it up

Get so dirty that you look pathetic

Do we still have some time left?

You can go beyond

It's warm because we are together

Stand up again and again

I want to protect you forever

Repaint this little world

Keep shining, this road I chose

If you are afraid, it's gonna be okay.

The QUASI-LOVE though. That gets me because. Ai. was so unsure about love even while what she had was so genuine.

hope you enjoy these songs~ I wish I could bring some songs from mainstream pop culture too, o<-< but I think there are some things that anime...ish songs can fill. I mean, I feel they're REALLY fitting.. don't you think? and they're all good songs!! I promise they're all worth giving a listen to!

I'm so glad you found love towards this ship the way I do! ;v;)/ Thanks for reaching out to me to tell me how you feel!! See you around, I look forward to sharing more things with you, and everyone!

[fategoflatass]

So, I posted not to long ago my honest surprise to this whole endeavor that delevoped right before my own two eyes. Wanted to post my thoughts (?) on it earlier, but today's the day my Internet company decided to be crappy once again, so yeah.

Just as a heads up: I ramble a lot, and I love writing. Beware of that.

As he said those first lines, let me tell you: I was screaming. Albeit not too much, since I'm used to these kind of scenes to be interrupted rather sooner than later, so I kept my expectations where I could see them. Even then, I was enjoying myself quite a lot.

It's just, them, you know? Like, there this trope (?) that I love where a character whose true self is restrained due to reasons gets to be themselves around this one person or these group of people. Trope that, clearly, applies with these two losers. No wonder I'm so attached to them, huh? I also love losers, but that's beyond the point.

The moments where Jinshi gets to be himself whenever Maomao's around always give me such fuzzy feelings in my chest. Is like reading snippets of a high school romcom's script, you know? And I love high school romcoms! They have that tad of awkwardness proper of their age that always makes me go aw. Or at least the good ones do.

Something that happens to me with this LN is that, and I don't know what the author does but, I always feel like I'm part of these scenes? Like, I'm present. And it can be endearing, but turn awkward as soon as things go wild like here. Nothing wrong with that though: he's a twenty-year-old dude whose teenage hormones have never been satisfied, being the closest he's ever been to his first love, you know what I mean? He's wilding, and I'm not here to judge him on that.

But yeah, my man's head over heels and here he either falls on the most comfortable mattress or crashes against the concrete floor.

At this moment, I had already banished from existence. Her finally realizing (or allowing herself to realizing) his true feelings is something I've been waiting for for so long it's insane! Now, that doesn't mean that what awaits us from now on are butterflies and rainbows—they're angsty, so it could get worse. Call me pessimistic, I don't care. I won't believe in the progress I so long for until I see it.

Now, I talked before (and I'll do it again later on) about her denial on their situation, the possibility of them being a thing and all that, so let's focus on loserboy instead.

I get it that he's just so damn tired of this bullshit, yet I highly doubt this is the proper way to deal with things? Either way, he seems to have enjoyed it way too much. Could this be considered a kink awekening? Because if so, he and his European toad should be sent to horny jail ASAP. He's too much of a menace for anyone to handle, I'm telling you.

I've nothing to say here, unless you wanna hear me scream for the tenth time?

I mean, can you blame him? Even when he's such a popular guy among the ladies (as she mentioned earlier in the epilogue), none of them can satisfy that rooted need that he has—to have a person by his side who seems him for who he truly is and doesn't judge him for that. Someone who's able to see beyond his looks, even if they're so blindingly attractive is humanly impossible.

And once he believed to have found that someone, of course he never let go. He couldn't care less about their difference in status, because what's so wrong to want to be genuinely happy for once in your life? Is it so wrong if they don't share something so insignificant when it comes to love with you?

Maybe not for him, even thought that'd bring him the discredit of his peers (not like he cares that much about that, though)—but for someone who's constantly avoiding trouble and thus would like to pass as unnoticed as possible? Yes. A lot, may I add.

Not like he cares much, though. His intentions are clear: he's gonna jump on a pool that at first seems dry as hell, hoping for some water to make its presence and muffle his fall.

I'm sorry, but that last line sent me.

But even then,

‼‼‼

BRUH IT HAPPENED

LOVED THIS VOLUME 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND

[inkabelledesigns]

-holds head in hands- Girl I have been pushed around enough this month, oh my gosh.

New thing I'm discovering about myself: I have boundaries over leftover nights! I guess this isn't completely new, but I'm feeling it rather intensely tonight. At home, if I can't remember when something is from, I won't touch it, I will dispose of it because that probably means it's been in there too long and is a health hazard. But it is a whole different ball game when I'm at a family member's house. I've been visiting with some family lot this summer, and they're snowbirds. They stay in one place for the summer then another for the rest of the year. And when they're getting ready to fly, it means we have to clean out the fridge and freezer, which is hell on earth. They save everything, and while that's fine and dandy for them, you cannot feed me food from before I got here. I don't trust how long it's been in that fridge after this one particular incident with broccoli from them as a teenager, I won't do it. I'm too afraid of the mold and germs, whether they're real or not.

But they are so pushy about leftovers. They're pushy about food in general, and I tolerate it, because they're family, and I know they need to feel good about everyone being fed. But this is my boundary, this is the thing I won't let you push me on. I will not compromise, I will repeatedly hold my ground. You let me pick my leftovers and fill my plate myself. I don't want help, I will not let you slip things onto it that I can't verify the cook date of, no no no, I will not do it. Let me have some autonomy.

I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of having to hold my ground, to the point where I want to cry. It's frustrating. I don't have a lot of hangups about food, I was praised as a child for being willing to try so much stuff and not being "picky". Which is saying something, I'm autistic, we have a reputation for that that is messy and often unkind. But regardless, I'm supposed to be "easy". But this is the thing I'm not easy about. I've done everything else right, I've been nothing less than graceful and agreeable and kind about every other social convention and thing I'm supposed to do with family. This makes me feel like I'm being punished. And this isn't the last time I have to deal with it. There's one more day of leftovers before I can finally be free. I hate feeling unsafe about food, that is literally one of the worst things to put me through. If I don't have security about that, I am a mess. I don't want to be a mess, I don't want to have another breakdown in front of people I love.

I've been getting pushed about all sorts of things all summer by a wide variety of people, and I can't take much more of it. I just want people to stop pushing me. I don't want to have to defend myself anymore, why is it so hard for some people to accept that no means no? I'm so anxious about the coming weekend, I'm about to be dealing with a different side of my family that has their own series of complications and social nuances to navigate. I want to see them, just like I wanted to see the side I've been seeing now, but I'm so, so tired. I can't take much more of this. I thought I was gonna be okay, but I think I need a little time to not be okay before I can socialize again, and I'm not going to get it, or at least, enough of it to recover in time.

The plus side is, soon I get to sleep in my own bed again, without worrying about waking anyone up. And that means I can be surrounded by all the plushies I desire. I want to hold my big ones very tightly. Just, gotta hang in there a little longer. We will get through this, we will be okay. Just, don't be surprised if I'm running on empty for a while.

[lucianlhsystem]

Hot take (I think)

Everyone in the fandom would be like Jax if they got Isekai'd into The Amazing Digital Circus, like it's just so likely that we all would refuse to go mad and become a sarcastic piece of shit (I hate you Jax) (But also damn why are you a mirror bitch)

Like imagine being there for YEARS and slowly forgetting yourself, everyone who you knew and watching other people around you who are in that hell space also lose themselves, getting every day worse and ending up taking by force the role that Caine assign them with their stupid little names in his stupid little game, and seeing how even lovers get separated by the insanity of that whole scenario

I mean Kinger and Queenie in this case, like i'm sure where in a romantic relationship, but even if it was just a platonic kind of relationship, imagine seeing them love and care for each other, just to then seeing one of them get transformed into this fucking mess of a creature and the other be more and more lost in their mind until they are not the person you once met

Like fr if I was there for years I would not think it twice, either I get in a fist fight with Caine to be let out the place and FIGHT my way out with tooth and nail until it worked, OR just don't let myself get attached to anyone and screw every relationship that could be made with the other people in that place, making myself hate them or hate me to ensure I will never get any pain when seeing that they either succumbed to the madness and abstraction shit in this fucking nightmare

AND EVEN STILL Jax was actually horrified when seeing Kaufmo being abstracted, like yeah it could be "oh shit I'm gonna die" but I see it as a "Oh gods, oh fuck he actually went insane nonoononononon-" in a worried for the poor clown kind of way

(And abstracted Kaufmo like trying to grab his face and the mannerisms they showed with him moving his head like trying to snap out of it was so messed up, like holy shit I'm sure he was actually understanding what was going on and even then could not control anything he was doing he was just an spectator to his own body, but that's for another post)

Also that fucking scene

THE CAMERA ANGLE

The way they look so small and freaked out by the thing they are seeing (And Jax taking anything to make as an excuse to leave, the coward twink really just ditched lmao) (Honestly same I would run so fast)

Anyways, a tldr is; Jax is exactly the type of bitch all of us would become if we ended up there alone, scared and not being able to even remember who we were

Or also like Zooble, they are also a "Don't speak to me don't percibe me I do not care" but in a "I'm way too tired and don't/can't deal with anything don't push it b#t*h" way rather than a "I won't allow myself be affected by this shit, even if it means pushing someone else to die in my place (because I'm a coward)" kind of way that Jax has as a wee little bitch (Same dude)

Like no way in hell I would be as kind as Ragatha, like that poor bitch was throw around because of caring to help anyone damn

Anyways that's the take idk if I'm going to die to people who really really likes the bunny man or really really dislikes the bunny man for saying I think he ain't really good nor bad, just a bitch ass coward who has attachment panic like everyone and how we would be as shitty as him ey (pls don't kill me I have a family)

The other hot take I have it's that Caine is a bitch as mother fucker and he knows more than he let's on, let them out before I boil your teeth and cut your eyes like onions tuxedo man, but like it's not THAT big of a hot take u know

Anyways I think Pomni Ragatha and Jax should kiss idk about u people -crow noises-

-Leila (don't kill me please)

[me-and-my-3lovers]

A Helping Hand

Human! Jensen Ackles x Alpha! Male Reader Smut!

When a slip-up in a drinking game changes your life years later.

MINORS DNI, 18+ ONLY

Background : Alphas, Betas, and Omegas are rare. Only about 10,000 of them are in the world, everyone else is a normal human. You have been on Supernatural since the beginning as Sam's twin brother, and now you’re on The Boys with Jensen too.

Word Count : 1.3k

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, drinking, foreplay, oral sex, male fingering, male-on-male sex, knotting, scenting, polyamory kind of. That should be it, let me know if I need to add more. This is my first fic!

Masterlist

-- 2017 --

Filming is tiring and we finally hit a free weekend. No conventions, no shooting, and Jared, Jensen, and Misha decided to stay in Vancouver. We were in Jensen's apartment. Feeling nice and tingly when Jared suggested a drinking game, two truths, and a lie.

"So," Jared started, about 5 shots into our little drinking game "y/n, truth or dare?"

"That's not even the game we're playing!" Misha says, his third shot in his hand.

"Shhhhhhh." Jensen whispered, too far gone for discretion or grace, "Let it happen,"

Your head is pounding already, "Fine, I choose truth." You said, preparing yourself to take another shot.

"Out of the three of us here, who would you rather knot?" Jared asked, a smirk forming on his face.

You couldn't think straight. You realized too late that it'd have been better to just take the shot instead of answering. "Jensen, he smells the best."

Both Misha and Jared started wooing and cheering. Jensen took another sip of his beer while blushing.

"But why not me?" Jared asked, throwing you his puppy dog eyes.

"Because you're annoying," Misha answered before me.

"And you stink!" I added before taking another shot.

The entire night was a haze the next morning. Everyone was hungover and wanted to go back to bed. But Jensen remembered what you said about knotting him and he pondered what you meant by that for years.

-- 2023, The Boys season 2 set--

"You're close to your rut," Jensen says as he walks up behind you.

"How would you know, tracking it?" You asked sarcastically, grabbing a plate and a mini powdered doughnut.

"I talked to Misha, you've been irritable the whole day." Jensen follows suit and grabs a powdered doughnut.

"And why are you talking to Misha about my rut?" you asked between bites.

"Because he lives with you and because I know about your… arrangement." Jensen says as he takes his first bite.

"Cryptic. Now if you’re done here we have a fight scene to shoot." You dismiss the conversation, and walk away, leaving Jensen with his unfinished doughnut.

After filming for the day, Jensen comes up to you at your apartment.

"When I opened the door I thought you'd have more clothes on." You say as Jensen greeted you, only wearing his Soldier Boy robe.

"May I?" Jensen asks motioning to enter.

"Why not," You shrug, opening the door a little more to allow Jensen to walk in before closing it. Looking at him you wonder what he's here for.

"You need someone to help you with your rut. You’re too old to go through a rut yourself." Jensen says with the utmost sincerity. There it is.

"Old?! I'm four years younger than you! And what do you know about alphas and ruts? I've gone almost my whole life dealing with my rut myself," You cross your arms like a defiant five-year-old.

"I know that every time you’ve dealt with it alone you've come out the other end looking worse than shit." Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose, "I know it’s harder for you to deal with it yourself, so let me help you." Jensen grabbed your hand and squeezed it, "I talked to Danneel and Misha, they both agreed to let me help you. Don't be stubborn, please." Jensen kissed your knuckles and then stared into your eyes waiting for an answer.

"You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into." You caress his cheek with your other hand, "It's not a pleasant experience. I won't be me. I'm animalistic, borderline violent, during my rut…" You turn away, looking anywhere but his eyes.

"I'll be fine," As Jensen pulls you in for a hug, you take a deep inhale. He smells like firewood, vanilla, and sea water.

"Are you- did you- you couldn't have…" You press your bodies closer so you can smell it better, "You're wearing Omega perfume!"

"Since I came here." Jensen chuckles and starts petting your hair as you nuzzle into the crook of his neck, "My little alpha,"

You back Jensen against the wall suddenly. "Careful Jen, you shouldn't say that unless you mean it." Your eyes were completely red, the rut hit you like a freight train after smelling the omega perfume. "It's dangerous."

"I like dangerous… Alpha."

You swiftly strip off Jensen's robe as well as your t-shirt before crashing your lips together. He tastes like mint and vanilla. Jensen quickly undoes your belt and pulls down your jeans before you flip him against the wall. You start kissing down Jensen's back painfully slow. Taking your time to kiss his shoulder blades, and his lats. God was he beautiful, and built like a brick shit house to boot. You made sure to run your tongue down his spine before reaching his magnificent ass. You took your time massaging each cheek before spreading them apart to get to your prize.

You licked his ass hole and he moaned like a wanton whore. It was primal and guttural like he'd been waiting for this. You let your hands squeeze his hips as you licked him again, and again, and again, until he started begging you to do more. You had the tip of your tongue pressed against his ass hole but not penetrating.

"Fuck me!" He sounded gruff and demanding.

You slowly pushed your tongue into his warm hole, circling as much area as you could. Jensen pushed his ass back into your face, wanting you to go deeper, explore more. Your tongue kept the same rhythm, in and out, in and out, getting him all nice and wet. When you pulled your tongue away, he started whimpering before you pushed a finger into him.

"God, want more, need more"

His hips started moving when you added a second finger. Spreading his ass open with both fingers, getting him prepped to take you. When you added a third finger his head rolled back and you felt his ass flutter around your fingers. He was ready.

You removed your fingers and got up from your knees. You flipped Jensen around so he was facing you. You grabbed the back of his thighs to lift him up and push his back against the concrete wall. Pinned between you and the wall, Jensen's ass was hovering over your dick.

"We can stop right now. We can forget this ever happened and go back to our normal lives." You whispered into his neck, still nuzzling where he put the perfume on.

"Alpha," That was all Jensen needed to say before you lowered him onto your dick. Jensen took a deep inhale once you were completely sheathed. "I never knew it would feel this good," Jensen panted. You growled and rested your forehead against his, giving both of you some time to adjust.

You kissed Jensen on the lips, then his cheek, then his neck, and then back up to his lips before you started thrusting. His ass felt like heaven and quenched the burning feeling in your body. Pulling out until only the tip was in before slowly thrusting back in. You kept that pace until Jensen wanted more.

"Faster, harder, I need more alpha!" God, that did something to you. You picked up the pace and you could feel your knot start to swell. Jensen was bouncing against the wall and you could feel his pre-cum leaking on your stomach. Both of your bodies burning hot and looking for release. "Right there, oh god, right there," Jensen moaned into your ear, and scratched down your back.

The pace was brutal and he was taking it beautifully. My Omega, my Omega, beautiful Omega, Omega, Omega, Omega. You bared your teeth against his neck.

"Alpha!" Jensen came and you could feel his cum against your chest. Jensen laid his head back against the wall, neck all exposed and sweaty as he was coming down from his high.

You barely refrained from claiming him as your knot popped and you came in him. Both of you coming down from your highs, you took him to your room and laid him onto your bed. Jensen closed his eyes as soon as his head hit the pillow. Both of you were exhausted and out of breath.

"Good night Jen," You kissed his forehead, "Thank you for this,"

" 's was amazing," Jensen grumbled back, cuddling into you, "love you."

"I love you too, now to to bed."

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #90

I'm not really sure what to write to you about today. I think I might have overextended myself in recent days, and once more I'm finding that my brain feels like soup. The sense of not really belonging in this place is hitting me kinda hard today, I guess. Suppose you would know a lot about what that's like.

Truth is, I struggle often enough with the way I perceive the world around me. I do it weirdly (much like how I do literally everything else... sigh...). I'm not gonna bother to articulate how, though; I doubt you'd be interested anyway. Fact remains that there ain't a whole lot of folks I can talk to about it; even if I could, most wouldn't understand, so why bother. Suppose it is what it is though; no sense in bellyaching. I just wish that it was a thing that could be measured, recorded, corroborated. Something that could be rationalized, explained, made logical. My mind tends to despise uncertainties; it likes everything to be concretized and nailed down.

…Ah well.

Like yesterday, today was busy, and also painful, thanks to Physical Therapy. There's weird stuff going on with the right side of my jaw, and the muscles holding it together needed to be mashed up with metal implements. I guess I'm gonna need braces sooner rather than later, because I really needed braces as a kid, but I didn't get 'em, and now my bite is all messed up, which means now my jaw is all messed up, and having the jaw messed up pulls on the neck, which then pulls on the ribs, and my ribs being weird is why I've been dealing with limited ability to use my right arm for the last almost two years to begin with, but I hesitate to get it fixed because braces cost a LOT of money, and I think most insurances won't cover the cost of it this late in life, so… it's a mess.

My whole existence is kind of a mess in a variety of respects, and… ya know. Sometimes I'm not sure why I bother persisting when all of it seems kind of like a farce; I live in a defective body on a dying planet where everyone is so traumatized that lots of 'em believe that killing each other is the answer to all their problems. Sometimes I just... don't wanna. Waking up in the morning in a world where there is no ethical way to maintain the integrity of my physical vessel seems like a chore.

…But then I remember that there are people who like having me around, even if I can't understand why most of the time. So I gotta believe that something good might come of my derping around on this mossy wet rock hurtling through space, even if I don't yet know what it is.

You ever get the feeling like there's something you're supposed to be doing, but you have no idea what it is, and you're running out of time? Feels like that almost constantly for me. If you know what that's like and know how to deal with it, lemme know, willya? I could use some pointers.

In the meantime… there's some stuff I've been meaning to learn how to do. I'm not gonna tell you what it is just yet, because it would ruin the surprise. But I hope the results will be good, if I can stop being intimidated long enough to get the gumption.

Anyway… Sephiroth. My brain continues to be soup. I think if I keep going, I'm just gonna keep rambling. I'm tired, but… I wanted to write anyway, because you're worth others' effort, even when they're feeling weird. But it's time to stop for today, because I'm having trouble staying on topic and stringing cohesive ideas together.

Please stay safe out there, okay? I don't wanna endure your absence, just like the folks who love me don't wanna endure mine. So let's both keep trying our best to keep our chins up and our eyes on the horizon, okay?

I'll leave you with this today:

I know you're not a little girl, so maybe you can think "little one" instead. Please take the overall message to heart. Please do your best to remain kind and gentle, no matter what tries to come along and break you.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine