#so its fun to read item descriptions

[oysterie]

playing so much eo luminous the last few days i tetris effecting fish swimming in the corners of my vision at all times.

[nexus-nebulae]

finally playing Terraria for the first time after playing minecraft for like ten years and so far the experience has been "oh, huh, that's where the inspiration for that one mc mod i like comes from"

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (X)

Chapter 10 : [I] was angry that my trust could not repose in the clear light, like poetry or freedom leaning in from sea

Hi! Here is another chapter! Today: lots of misogyny, the academic world being what it is, and some time spent at the beach with our best boy Elwood!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 4344

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Oysters

Our shells clacked on the plates. My tongue was a filling estuary, My palate hung with starlight: As I tasted the salty Pleiades Orion dipped his foot into the water.

Alive and violated, They lay on their bed of ice: Bivalves: the split bulb And philandering sigh of ocean Millions of them ripped and shucked and scattered.

We had driven to that coast Through flowers and limestone And there we were, toasting friendship, Laying down a perfect memory In the cool of thatch and crockery.

Over the Alps, packed deep in hay and snow, The Romans hauled their oysters south of Rome: I saw damp panniers disgorge The frond-lipped, brine-stung Glut of privilege

And was angry that my trust could not repose In the clear light, like poetry or freedom Leaning in from sea. I ate the day Deliberately, that its tang Might quicken me all into verb, pure verb.

Seamus Heaney, Field Work, 1979

Lunchtime with Andrew and Colm had turned into lunchtime with half the department somehow…

You were tired, you wanted to go home. A few weeks into teaching, you were already starting to feel the familiar tug of exhaustion. You had a thousand things to prepare for your research, books to read, articles to go through… And Andrew and you were still trying to fight against Sam and Frank’s marriage the best you could.

After the flower fiasco, out of which Andrew had managed to gain a moment of glory and a longing gaze from Sam, the two of you were working on a way to make you shine in Frank’s eyes. The perfect gift to offer the couple as they were moving in together seemed a good occasion. You had spent most of your evening the previous day browsing the internet with Andrew. He had come over to your place, had left well after midnight, didn’t want to disturb you by sleeping in the second bedroom. And you had fun, that was the strangest part of your evening. You had fun looking for gifts with Andrew, it had turned into finding the most ridiculous items available for purchase, and you had laughed until your eyes watered at his silly jokes. It was a sad thing to realise this had been the more you had laughed since Frank had left you…

You had stopped listening to the on-going conversation about a writer you didn’t know, your mind wandering away from your lunch to settle back on the previous evening. You were beginning to pick on some of his habits, noticing details about him. He hummed a lot, he tilted his head when thinking, ran his fingers through his hair when he was focused, he rubbed at his neck, his chin, his cheek when he was nervous or uncomfortable, pushed up his sleeves often too. Last night, when the conversation drifted away from your exes and onto the last museum you had visited, his head was tilted, his gaze stern and unwavering while he listened intently to you. It felt strange, to be near someone who listened to you so fully. Frank didn’t…

Your heart and chest grew warm at the memory of Andrew getting ready to leave. After midnight, he made a joke about the Gremlins when you offered him one last drink or bite to eat before he would leave, feeling guilty for your conversation and planning to have robbed the two of you of a decent dinner, your stomachs filled only with biscuits and coffee. He was putting on his coat when he joked about making a mess of your apartment if you fed him now, you both laughed at the silliness of it. You waited for him to wrap a warm scarf around his throat, to cover his ears with a beanie.

“Good night, Andrew.”

Simple words, and yet they made him look at you. You noticed the way his head bent a little, as if leaning towards you. His eyes were so green at such an ungodly hour, tiredness making the brown of his eyes recede. He offered you a shy smile, fidgeting with the sleeves of his warm grey coat.

“Andy.”

You stared at him in silence, surprised by his answer. His smile widened when he went on.

“Andy’s just fine, Y/N.”

You could only smile up at him then, you noticed the way his cheeks were flushed when you repeated his name.

He was so cute…

“That’s a little too much though, this whole thing about a feminist rewriting of history. To give classes about that… what a joke…”

Patterson’s words tore you away from your happy memory, pushed you right back in the present, in the reality you faced daily. University was not as progressive as it longed to be seen as, you were a painful witness of that…

You remembered the list of names Andrew had spontaneously given you during your first week. You reckoned his selection was spot on. Patterson was no exception. Mahoney was nodding enthusiastically, and you chose to ignore them. You were too tired, too emotionally exhausted to go through that kind of misogynistic conversation. You forced yourself not to listen to Andrew’s and Colm’s answers as they entered the debate, defending your side.

But then Andrew looked at you, spoke your name, and you were forced into reality again.

“Asking for help because you’ve run out of arguments?” Mahoney asked Andrew, and it was supposed to sound like mockery but it was too bitter for that.

“Y/N is literally an expert in what we’re discussing and a woman, don’t you think you should listen to her rather than your stupid biased views on such a matter?”

“I know plenty about the matter.”

“What a misogynistic answer… thank you for proving my point about your absolute ignorance.”

“And you’re an expert?”

“I’m not. That’s why I ask someone who’s dedicating her life to the voices of women and who is a woman when discussing something about women.”

Andrew’s breathing was heavy, his eyes stone cold and sharp. You had only seen him angry once before, that night you had learnt about your exes’ engagement. It made his voice deeper than usual, a low rumble that was scarier than the loud booming voice Frank used during arguments. His impressive stature wasn’t helping. And yet, when Andrew turned to you, his eyes were soft again, his voice back to its usual warmth, and he didn’t seem intimidating anymore.

“Do you want to add something?”

You didn’t, but the conversation was happening, and fleeing would only result in more violent views being expressed next time. So, you sharply looked over at your two mocking colleagues, and got to work.

You countered every argument, you offered numbers and examples even though you knew it would make no difference. After a while, you were getting angry more than annoyed. Colm and Andrew were backing you up every now and then, but the rest of your colleagues seemed uninterested by the debate at best, at worst they were enjoying the argument.

You let out a wry chuckle at Patterson, who was now not even trying to find arguments, but straight up rejecting your facts.

“How scientific of you to dismiss proven facts simply because they don’t fit your narrative…” you fought back with sarcasm, and he glowered at you. “And you call yourself an academic?”

“Hey! I’m not attacking your professionalism…”

“Are you not? As Andrew said, I’m the expert in this field. I am studying this issue and the impact of misogyny and patriarchy. And yet, you dismiss all my arguments without any proof whatsoever, without offering another explanation. You are only rejecting facts that do not fit your view of the world, or to be more precise, the world that brings you in a position of power over others. You enjoy the system that favours you instead of favouring everyone.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“You are ridiculous, claiming to have arguments when all you have are thoughts and no facts or proof whatsoever. I do have those. You’re a misogynistic man who clings to his tiny bit of power and feels emasculated if anyone dares to contradict him. You’re pathetic.”

You shot up, standing in a hurry and grabbing your stuff before heading back to your office. You didn’t pay attention to the discontented grumble that followed you, nor the scratch of another chair being pushed away from the table. You didn’t notice Andrew was following you until you were outside the room, heading for the stairs to go back to your office. You turned to him with a surprised expression painted all over your features.

“Andy?”

“Hmm?”

You stared at him in silence for a moment.

“You’re okay?” he asked with warmth in his voice and gaze.

“Yeah… I’m okay. I’m used to it.”

You didn’t like lying, but it was only half a lie. You were used to it, it happened more often than you had expected when you had chosen this career. You thought that the world of knowledge was a progressive one, a world filled with open minds. What a fool you had been… how naïve…

Now, you were growing numb to it, to some extent. The animosity was never far away. The attempts at slowing down, blocking, or even ending your career were a threat too. And you wished you could say you didn’t care at all by now, but you did. You did, and it drove you mad how frustrated you felt in front of such injustice, over the weight that was put onto your shoulders, over the exhaustion that came with constantly having to prove yourself, over the doubts that slithered there through your system even if you tried not to listen. It was the hardest part of your job, by far.

And then there were a few good ones like Andrew who gave you faith in humanity all over again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, rubbing at his neck.

“It’s not your fault. On the contrary… thank you, for taking my side.”

“Of course.”

“And thank you for asking me. For including me in the conversation. For recognising the need to put me at the centre of the argument, instead of a male voice.”

You let out a chuckle as you opened the door of your shared office.

“I bet your mam taught you well.”

He grinned, fondness evident in his eyes as he talked about his parents. You had noticed how love was always in his gaze when he spoke of his family.

“Yeah… trying to put in practice what she taught me.”

“Thank you.”

“You’ll never have to thank me for something like this.”

You tried to ignore how much that fight had shaken you, but you could barely focus all afternoon, and Andrew seemed to notice. It was still early when he turned off his computer and grabbed his coat, then planted his tall frame in front of your desk.

“Come on, let’s go to the beach.”

You stared at him with a blank stare, blinking.

“The beach?”

“Lunch got me worked up… I can’t focus on anything. I need to clear my head, and to me, there’s no better place for that than the sea. So… come on! Let’s go to the beach!”

“I have work to do.”

“You’ll work tomorrow.”

“Andrew…”

“Andy,” he corrected you with a warm smile, and you couldn’t refrain your own grin.

“Andy,” you repeated. “I’ve got things to do!”

“Yes! And they include breathing the fresh air of the sea, listening to the waves and having fun!”

“And freezing to death? It’s November… in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I haven’t forgotten… I go swimming almost every morning.”

You stared at him with unfaltering eyes.

“You’re insane.”

“I need to go home first, but we can meet up by the coast? I know a nice spot.”

“Okay.”

“Do you like dogs?”

You raised a surprised eyebrow at his question, it was coming out of nowhere.

“Erm… yes… of course…”

“Good. I mean… I have to get my dog. He will never forgive me if I go to the beach without him.”

“You have a dog?! How cute! What kind of dog is he?”

Andrew chuckled at that.

“I don’t know… some kind of mix between a border collie and… something else. I have no clue.”

Your expression softened as you smiled. He looked away, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink under the darkness of his beard.

“Alright, I’ll text you the address of the nearest village, and I’ll guide you the rest of the way.”

“You’re not about to murder me and get rid of my body in some deserted creek, are you?”

He laughed at your joke, bright and loud, and you were quite proud of that, of being responsible for such a sound.

“No guarantees…”

“I should decline then…”

“Hey! You need to live a more adventurous kind of life! Take risks!”

“You could be planning on feeding me to your dog.”

“Now that you mention it, he hasn’t had his ration of human flesh this week.”

“See? That’s what I’m saying!”

You both laughed, Andrew shook his head fondly at you.

“Elwood is a good boy, don’t worry. I won’t be long.”

You were shutting off your computer as well when Andrew exited the room.

You had hurried to the tiny village, spotted a shop and were now motionless in the middle of the aisle, staring at rubber bones and colourful balls.

Andrew should have reached the village fifteen minutes ago, but you were starting to get used to his chronical lateness. He seemed to never be on time for anything. “Time blindness”, he called it. Whatever it was, there was no need to worry. He would show up eventually, apologise profusely, with a mix of guilt and embarrassment on his face, and then you would tell him it was alright because you couldn’t find it in you to be annoyed at him, and he would look at you again and smile…

You smiled as you reached for a squishy ball, with little flowers painted on it. Yellow and white. Daisies.

You bought the toy, went back to your car to wait for Andrew. He arrived almost thirty minutes late, hurried out of his car and secured his dog on a leash before walking over to you. The guilt and embarrassment you were expecting were painted all over his features, indeed.

“I’m sorry… it took me longer than I thought to pick this one up,” he explained with a nod towards his dog.

“That’s okay. And God, you’re adorable,” you said to the dog, crouching down to let the dog approach you. “What’s his name?”

“Elwood.”

The dog seemed to immediately like you, he let you pet his head, wiggling his tail in delight.

“Oh, yes… you’re a good boy!” you cooed. “Here, I’ve bought you something!”

You stood straighter again, offered the ball to Andrew.

He stared at you with bewilderment.

“You… you bought him a toy?”

“Yes! I love dogs! I hope I can have one, someday…”

“You… you shouldn’t have…”

“It makes me happy.”

Andrew couldn’t find any argument against that.

“Thank you.”

You headed towards the beach together. Elwood was obedient yet excited, clearly recognising where you were heading. It was sunny despite the cold weather, you readjusted your scarf a couple of times, put on your gloves after a while. And it was easy to find a topic of conversation with Andrew. First work, your classes, your research as you reached the beach. Then politics as you walked across the sand, sending the ball away for Elwood to catch and bring back. Then movies and art as you watched the waves roll towards you. And then your broken hearts when you were sitting in the sand, side by side, watching over Elwood who was running around by the edge of the water.

The sand was soft under your fingers, your gaze set on the horizon, an infinity of blues and greens, of white waves and the moving shapes of seagulls.

“Are you coming to the dinner next week?” Andrew asked, his deep voice breaking the quiet of the cold sea.

You heaved a sigh, closed your eyes for a second. Frank and Sam had invited both you and Andrew to have dinner in some expansive restaurant in Dublin. A way to ‘get a brand-new start’, Frank had called it. You thought it was rather a new way to get your heart broken, but you didn’t have a choice. If you wanted Frank back, you couldn’t miss any opportunity to see him.

“Of course, I’m coming.”

You opened your eyes to look at Andrew as he slowly nodded.

“I’m glad you’re coming,” he confessed. “I was worried to go on my own.”

“Don’t worry. We’re a team for this! We said we would help each other out, and we will. We’ll get the people we love back.”

Andrew smiled, a gesture grateful, but tainted with sorrow. He set his green eyes on the horizon, you watched as the loose curls that had escaped his man-bun were floating in the wind. But then you followed his gaze, stared at the wildness of the sea, its everchanging shape, and you wondered if anything was meant to last in this world, if anything at all could be called permanent…

“What’s going to happen, then? If we fail, if we can’t get them back, if they really don’t love us anymore… what will happen then?”

Andrew was silent for a moment, staring at you now. You could feel his gaze set upon your face, but you couldn’t look at him. It was easier to search for where the sky met the sea.

“Then… we’ll go through hell.”

You let out a long exhale. His voice was quiet, barely there over the wind. Deep, calm, aching.

“We’ll suffer. A lot. And eventually, we’ll get over it.”

“How?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“I don’t think that I could love anyone else the way I love Frank.”

“We don’t have to love them the same way we love Frank and Sam. On the contrary, I think every love we feel is unique. It’s shaped by the person we feel so intensely for. I’ll never love anyone the way I love Sam. But maybe I’ll be able to have a love that’s just as important. It will simply be… different.”

“Missing him feels like grieving.”

“Hmm… Missing her feels like grieving too. It’s the same kind of… void. The emptiness that’s left behind. The silence, the habit of opening your mouth to speak to them, but remembering they’re gone, that there’s no one left to listen to you now, and closing your mouth again… a mouth that’s rendered useless now, as there is nobody left to listen to you anyway.”

Slowly, you nodded, feeling your throat tightening at the pain in Andrew’s voice, at the way his thoughts echoed your own.

“I forget that he’s gone all the time,” you nodded, sniffling, although you weren’t crying. “I just… forget… and then I remember, and it hurts all over again.”

“Yeah… me too.”

The wind was so cold, it felt like knives entering the skin of your cheekbones. You readjusted your beanie so it would perfectly cover your ears. Every time either of you spoke, a tiny cloud was born from your lips, and died in the wind.

Andrew’s dog was unaware of your sadness, unaware of the hole that was gnawing a little bit more every day at your heart. He was happy running around the beach, chasing after birds, playing with the waves.

You smiled, soft and sad and filled with the want to forget again.

“I really like your dog a lot,” you chuckled.

Andrew looked at his pet as well, a tender smile on his lips.

“I’m glad,” was his only answer.

“He’s a good boy.”

He hummed softly, rubbing at his cold hands.

“I don’t think Sam likes him very much.”

“Really?”

“I don’t think she likes dogs in general all that much. She was always nice to him, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t think she loved him. When I do. I love him. He’s family.”

“Of course, he is,” you answered with an unmistakable fondness in your voice, one that made Andrew look at you again.

You could feel him shifting next to you, guessed that he hesitated to ask a question. You encouraged him to ask whatever he wanted. You were in a confessing mood, after all.

“What’s your dream?”

You looked up at him with a questioning look, surprised at his question coming out of the blue.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you have a dream? Or… did you have one? When you were younger?”

You blinked up at him, feeling silly as you thought of an answer.

Of course you had dreams. You had tons of them.

“I’ve learnt a long time ago that dreams don’t come true.”

He frowned at your answer, his gaze saddened at your words.

“If you could make one true, what dream would it be?”

You blinked tears away, set your gaze on the sea again.

Blue. Blue and splashes of white. A thousand hues of those colours, as far as the eye could see. Such a beauty… And the sound of the waves reaching the shore, curling into white foam, regular like a pattern, soft like a melody.

“I really wanted to be loved for who I am. I just… I would really like for someone to love me. To care about what I think, to care about what I have to say, to hold me when I feel sad. I just… I would really like to feel safe, just once. To have someone… who would treat me as their equal, someone for whom I wouldn’t have to overthink each answer, someone with whom I wouldn’t have to fight to have a chance to be listened to. Sometimes I… It’s so hard to be a woman sometimes. It feels like I’m always fighting. Fighting for my rights, fighting for a chance to be who I want, fighting to be listened to, fighting to be taken seriously, fighting to get my life together, fighting to meet people’s expectation, fighting… for everything. I just… I want to have someone who would make me feel safe enough so I could stop fighting around them. It’s a lot to ask.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

You were surprised by his words, but when you looked at him, his stare was stern and unwavering.

“Did you feel like that with Frank? Did you feel safe enough to be yourself?”

You bit on your lip, hesitated on whether to lie or tell the truth. You didn’t feel like lying though…

“Not all the time.”

You let out a sad chuckle.

“But it’s just a dream, Andy. Dreams don’t come true. I can’t offer to stop fighting. If I do, I’ll just end up giving up… And I’ve done so much already to get my career, to be who I am today… I can’t rest, not when there’s no one to offer me a place to do so. And there will never be anyone to offer it to me. People are too flawed for that.”

You were surprised when Andrew reached for your hand, but you let him touch your skin, wrap his fingers around yours. His hand was so much larger than yours…

“I really wish you could have someone who would make you feel this way. I wish… I wish you didn’t have to fight in the first place.”

You looked up at him, blinking tears away.

“You’re so strong,” he whispered, and there was something close to awe in his expression, although you couldn’t believe that someone could have such feeling aimed at you. “I hope you know that, at least. That you’re unbelievably strong.”

You smiled, and so did Andrew. A genuine smile, that wasn’t so sad anymore.

“What about you? What was your dream?”

Andrew let go of your hand, rested his forearms on his knees as he looked at Elwood, checking that his dog was alright, but he was still busy running after seagulls.

“I wanted to be a musician, once.”

“A musician?”

“Yeah… I used to sing a lot. Played guitar too. I still do, with old friends.”

“What made you decide to be an academic then?”

A pause, filled with Elwood’s happy barks, the distant cries of seabirds, the regular whisper of the sea.

“There were sacrifices to be made. I didn’t want to make them. I thought I could, for a while. I had a few opportunities. But they were all… They were not me. There were talks for an album at one point, an opportunity for me to sing and be paid for it. But they wouldn’t have been my songs. They were pop hits in the making. They were aimed to please others. And I… I didn’t want to do that. I had things to say, and I wanted to tell them my way. It didn’t work out. And then my father…”

He blinked tears away, and you said nothing. He cleared his throat.

“My father had surgery when he was younger. He had some trouble again a few years ago. He’s fine now, and it wasn’t anything serious, but… I don’t know, I think… I thought about the cost that having a life on the road would have. If I wanted to make music the way I wanted to, it would cost me even more than a pop hit would. And I was in love with Sam, and my family needed me, and I thought… I thought it wasn’t worth it. At one point, I had to choose between studying or music. I changed majors from music to literature, finally had the opportunity to study things I was interested in. I didn’t drop out. Instead, I stayed in Dublin, I gave up on the hope of having a career as a musician.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “More so since Sam has left.”

You playfully nudged him.

“Hey! We wouldn’t have met had you become a rockstar! So, it’s not all that bad! I’m glad you chose a life where we could become friends.”

He looked at you, hazel turning fully green in the pale light of winter, cheeks pinkish in the cold. His nose was a little red, his gaze tender as it rested upon yours.

“I’m glad we could become friends too, Y/N. I’m really glad about that.”

You exchanged a smile, rested your head on his shoulder, wrapped your arm around his. You both remained silent for a long time, staring at the sea, the beach, the birds, Elwood still having the time of his life. And you were content to say nothing, to simply be there next to Andrew.

Your cheek felt warm while it rested against him.

[glassbirdfeather]

Complaining about the final boss in Shadow of the Erdtree, both in terms of lore and mechanics. Spoilers for the end of Shadow of the Erdtree:

Part 1: The Lore

I think the ending is really good and foreshadowed well in it's own story. I think it is fitting and well told. But it isn't living in its own bubble. It exists in context to a previous story directly connected to it. In the context of the entirety of Elden Ring, it sucks.

If we were just dropped in the Shadow Realm and the main game didn't exist, it would be really, REALLY good. The problem arises when also having the context of who Miquella was in the base game. His motivations in the DLC retcon the motivations from the lore of the base game. And the retcon is worse. The thing that made him fascinating was that he was the only compassionate character among Marika's children, the only one who didn't care about petty power plays because he was focused on helping people and helping his sister. That it is revealed he is just as shallow and self-centered as the rest, so much as to be willing to endanger his sister in exchange for a consort after all the lore surrounding how he wanted to help her, takes away the facets that made him unique.

This may also contribute to why there are two general camps of people who like or don't like how Miquella is portrayed. There have been a couple of years between the original game and now. Memories of the original game's lore--if people even read those particular bits of item descriptions in the first place--have had time to fade.

However, I acknowledge that item descriptions in Elden Ring intentionally have author biases. It could be said that every Miquella-related item description was told from the perspective of someone bewitched. That would make a lot of sense.

So in the end, this also is a personal preference. I think that Miquella turning out to be a brat who will sacrifice his sister for his consort is much less interesting than him being motivated to do bad things for his sister.

This leads into the overlap between pure lore discussion and mechanics.

Part 2: I CAN'T FUCKING SEE

The last boss fight is shit. Part of what convinced people that the leaks were fake, not considering lore implications, is that many people looked at the attacks that were happening and judged them to be bad.

As someone with a passing understanding of editing animations and moves in a game, something that can be done with little modding skill to create a new enemy is to use existing animations and add new effects to them. People were convinced the fight was fake because of how many moves looked similar to ones from previous FromSoft bosses with lightning effects glued on. I cannot speak to the alleged copied animations in this fight, since I don't have experience with every FromSoft game, but I don't actually think reusing old bosses and animations is inherently a bad thing. The real complaint was that it looked to be both reused animations and extra effects.

Stretch new textures over existing enemies, increase the speed of their attacks, and then add events to those attacks that spawn a bunch of effects like explosions, or lightning bolts. These are all things I could do with my limited knowledge. These are the things that some mods have done, and have gotten ridiculed for. The ridicule is because doing that demonstrates a shallow understanding of what makes a fight not just hard, but fun.

I'm no master of boss design myself, but I can say with confidence that spamming incredibly long attack chains containing effects that blind the player and prevent them from seeing the next move in the chain is bad game design. Something that has been established as an unspoken but understood rule in souls-genre games is that you should be able to dodge an attack while standing point blank in front of the enemy. Whether this is by rolling, jumping, or running away, you know what's happening from seeing the start of the enemy's animation, and you should be able to escape being hit by the attack. I also argue that by this metric, Waterfowl Dance is a badly designed move, but I digress.

Waterfowl Dance is one move in an otherwise stellar boss fight.

In the DLC final fight, I. can't. see.

The screen is covered in lightning for at least 1/3rd of the battle, often making dodging a game of guess and hope. I 100% acknowledge that I was not good at that fight, and that many of the attacks that hit me were dodge-able if I'd learned them more. But some of them were chains of attacks that demanded I blindly learn a random rhythm of button presses. On account of all the lightning from the previous attack hiding the next swing.

One of the things I actually did like about the fight was the grab being a guaranteed 2HKO regardless of health values. It would have been a great gimmick on a better fight. Where I had a better probability of seeing it so I could dodge it.

I also liked the warp-in speed effects of the boss jumping in, although such warps felt very buggy.

Were the lightning effects transparent or otherwise did not obscure the battle so terribly, I wonder what kind of fight it would actually be. Maybe the attack chains only feel unreasonable to dodge to me because I cannot see what is happening in them. It is possible that the fight itself is just bad, and the lightning is, just like in a bad mod, being used as a crutch to hide a very boring, simple moveset.

But it is impossible for me, in the game's current state, to imagine how that fight might play.

Because I can't see shit.

Part 3: The Remembrance

Turning in the remembrance and a duplicate of it just to end up with a total of 3 Radahn swords I think really shows the lack of creativity under the lightning. That is what the essence of the DLC final boss distills down to: 2 variations of a sword we already have.

If the fight had been something COMPLETELY different, perhaps we would have gotten something interesting from Miquella's side of the pair. Something that bewitches a struck enemy? I don't know.

The last fight was a spectacle, but only due to all the fancy effects that it vomited everywhere. Remove them, and I suspect there exists an uninspired base.

[thespiritssaidso]

Item #: SCP-8675309🍍

Update: SCP has scratched out any and all files with its identification number and replaced them with pineapple doodles and obscure/inappropriate numbers. Standard procedure is to white out any defacement done to the files and replace it with the correct number, but when confronted with the task none of the employees had the heart to do so.

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8675309 Heinz 57🍍 is to be treated like foundation staff with level 5 clearance. Caution is advised when approaching, lest foundation personnel be influenced under heavy charm. SCP has previously gained access to multiple levels this way when it only had level 1 clearance.

Containment of SCP is not necessary, as it has proven it means no harm — not that it can do any — and is willing to come to work every day, albeit sometimes a bit late. The most amount of harm it has performed was by enamoring the guards outside of SCP-294 enclosure in order to acquire a pineapple smoothie. In my defense, those smoothies are to die for. -🍍

Using any form of memory wiping in an effort to contain SCP-8675309 3.141596…🍍 is severely prohibited, as it has previously shown severe signs of distress when it cannot remember the smallest of details. Years of training from your dad to be the world’s greatest detective will do that to ya. -🍍

Description: SCP is a humanoid Caucasian-Latino male, and responds to the name of Shawn Spencer, although it has given itself a number of various nicknames.

SCP shows clear signs of ADHD and a strange fascination with pineapples. SCP can often be seen carrying varying types of snacks flavored like the aforementioned fruit: dried pineapple slices, pineapple nutrigrain bars, and oftentimes simply a large pineapple itself. It’s up for debate as to where it attains these treats for itself, as its pockets have been routinely checked at the entrance of the foundation as it signs in for the day. Some hypothesize it has somehow struck a deal with SCP-261 into giving nothing but pineapple snacks in exchange for Yen. Although no one is sure where it would get the Yen from, as it has reportedly never been to Japan (although it has very clearly expressed its wishes to do so some day).

SCP-8675309 69 lol🍍 also displays an uncanny ability to read a person, able to guess private information from a glance. All personnel are advised to try not to keep anything hidden from it, as it is not only pointless, but its suspicion of said personnel will simply grow.

SCP can be found normally either lounging in the break room, flirting with any and all foundation members it finds attractive, and befriending other SCPs, such as SCP-999. It has found itself particularly fond of SCP-529, and is constantly feeding it cheese, despite being advised not to.

All foundation staff are instructed not to call the SCP an SCP to its face, as it will grow agitated. Obviously I’m gonna get ‘agitated’! How would you feel if you were called an SCP, huh?! -🍍

Reference: Originating from Santa Barbara California, SCP has travelled all over the United States, leaving its footprint in nearly every major city. Well, every city that the SCP has reported as, quote unquote, ‘fun’. Nothing wrong with that. -🍍

Incidents caused by the SCP whilst traveling have been logged and recorded, including the ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ incident, the ⬜️⬜️⬜️ debacle, and the altercation in ⬜️⬜️ between SCP⬜️⬜️⬜️ and SCP-8675309 8008135🍍.

Great file, amazing. Just a few notes here. First off: cut the ‘it/its’ pronouns. I get some people go by that, but me? No thanks. Second off: very boring report. There’s a severe lack of pictures and way too many words, I almost feel asleep reading this. -🍍

Update: SCP has since left the foundation since the last time its file has been updated. While never clearly stating where it was going, a large sum of money was removed from the foundation treasury and used towards purchasing a plane ticket to Germany.

SCP-8675309 is currently living its life comfortably in the city of Santa Barbara in California, working for the local police as a consultant ‘psychic detective’. Whether or not SCP is actually psychic has been the subject of debate for nearly 5 years between staff.

—————

@arrowheadedbitch

[rowanwritestoomuch]

How to Describe a Room; Rowan's Way

I have a few cardinal tips for description, and I will share them with you here.

First, try--- just not. Literally, just don't do it. I have asked lots of readers and most skim descriptions unless the author is obviously putting alot of effort into what they need to show. Even in fantasy enviornments, minimal description in later chapters will allow your reader to fill in an image with their mind's eye. Not every reader wants to be bombarded with visuals, some want to create it themselves. Placement of objects and doorways, interactable items within a scene, simple settings, all can be used effectively to give your reader what you need without bashing them in the head with it.

If you have to--- keep it contained. A good rule of thumb is to maintain the bread and butter of descriptive text to the beginning of a piece, or new scene. However, readers will often just miss the descriptive bits at the beginning of a chapter in order to get to the juicy action. So try to put easy limits on yourself for these things; for me, its a maximum of 8 sentences. If these sentences are all together, I will make sure to focus on character actions and expressions in the scene, to not bore or double down with needless text. But my preferred method is to disperse those 8 sentences throughout the chapter, as the character sees or interacts with new information. Sometimes it can be a nice break in the midst of a tense or anxious interaction for your character to ground themselves by viewing the world around them, and this can be a niche moment to add description as well.

A step in the right direction--- be active. Use the things in your scene. Recently, instead of describing a room, I had a character pace around it in a fit of frustration wherein his thoughts overwhelmed his perception, but still he interacted with the furniture and layout of the room by avoiding bumping into those objects and it made the scene more dynamic without being pandering, as I had only briefly mentioned a few of the objects before. Paint the scene slowly, let your brushstrokes guide the reader as they are your partner in this dance.

Always remember--- use it wisely. If you must describe the wallpaper, make it as chaotic as the turmoil in your character's mind, or shaded with a color that lends to the deeper emotional moativations of a character within that space. Focus on things of need or importance, and consider what feelings are evocative, what thoughts might come along with such things. Often when you enter a room in real life, you simply register it without thinking, so focus on the things that stand out, or are mundane in a meaningful way, perhaps something with far deeper importance or symbolism later on. And assume your reader is as wise as you are, they will remember, so do not buckle down on unneeded motifs-- once we know the wallpaper is red, we don't need to be reminded, it makes the reader feel spoken down to and encourages speed-reading.

I usually do not keep the reader much in mind when I write, but description is for them alone, as I can see the scene clearly in my mind but I must project it into theirs. It doesn't have to be perfect, like a room of artists painting the same model, we can each have our interpretation. I always keep in mind then what is most important for the reader to see through my eyes, and the character as well, and it is often more fun to leave things unnoticed that do not have significance at the time for a greater reveal, or to mention things in off-handed ways that grow more and more present as they gain interest.

Description can be your friend. If the characters are your voice, the scene is your instrument. Do not create such a crescendo that it is a clangor, instead consider what sounds would compliment the melody in creation, and use only those.

You got this.

Always remember, write because it hurts if you don't.

[dragonfire2lm]

Elden Ring Headcanon: Messmer Edition

Spoilers below, these headcanons are based on item descriptions, and thanks to some helpful people in the discord I'm in for clarifying some lore that completely flew over my head.

Ok, so, just as a disclaimer: I do not care who you ship Messmer with, or how you view him, the following headcanon is just my interpretation, that does not mean that everyone should share said interpretation. If you do, awesome! if not, just continue on with your day, the following headcanon has no bearing on your enjoyment of the character, the game, or what you do to express your love of Elden Ring.

Messmer seems very aromantic coded to me. He has friends among the knights that serve him, cared about them to the point he listened to them when they wanted knowledge preserved, and mourned the loss of a friend when two of knights rebelled against him because of Messmer's serpentine nature. He also has a lot of love for his family, with how he was an older brother figure to Radahn and had a brotherly bond with Gaius, not to mention how he's turned himself into a symbol of fear and uses his fire (which he has tried to get rid of multiple times) all on his mother's orders.

Yet he has no interest in romantic relationships (R.I.P Rellana), and I just, think it'd be neat if I headcanon him as aromantic (Note: that does not mean he's also asexual, I am specifically focusing on aromanticism here) based on the fact that he cares a lot about his knights and his family, but had no interest in Rellana in a romantic way.

Plus, its all in good fun, and aromantic rep is sorely lacking in media, so what's stopping me from reading certain characters as being aro-coded? Fandom often interpret characters as gay, bi, trans and so on for their headcanons and fanfics, so what does it matter if I pick a character to write as being aromantic?

This is, after all, a hobby, its for fun, and if you personally don't agree with this, that's ok. Whatever ideas you have, and whatever ideas I have can coexist in the same fandom space.

Now, here's a headcanon that's a lot less...controversial.

Messmer sees via his serpents, his remainnig eye, as seen in his phase two transition, is a glass one, a prosthetic eye. He probably can't see out of it. Granted, there is a lot of blodd on his fingers after removing it, so maybe it is a magical functioning eye or something, but it could go either way. But given that when we enter his boss room for the first time, we see one of his snake friends before we see him, so I feel like that opening cutscene hints at the fact that he uses his snakes to see.

I like Messmer, he's very friend-shaped.

I just think he's neat.

Edit: The lengthy disclaimer at the start of this post is just me covering my bases, I've gotten guilt-tripped and generally felt unwelcome in a couple of other fandoms for simply having an aromantic spectrum headcanon, or you know, being an asexual fan of a game and its characters when most of the player base is clearly not asexual. (A different game, not Elden Ring, the elden ring community has been very accepting, but the Doubt Still Remains because of my previous experiences)

Thank you for reading.

[asleepinawell]

lingering questions and thoughts on the dlc lore

first off, some of these may have been addressed in item descriptions and i either 1) missed an item or 2) read it but it was 3am and my brain didn't retain some detail

all opinions are just opinions etc, i have no interest in getting in lore fights and block people who try and start them. I'm too tired for that shit. this is just fun speculation

one question i had that i feel must have been answered was what was the scadutree actually for?

what was the timeline regarding messmer and melina's birth? they're referred to together as if they're twins or were born close together. my assumption was that messmer at least was radagon's kid with marika, but the dialogue of the story trailer implies his purge took place shortly after marika's ascension. marika could have split off radagon fairly early (even as part of the process of becoming a god like miquella and st trina) but there was no mention of them having kids until after the rennala thing much later on. my assumption about his parentage is based on 1) hair color and 2) he has a special curse which gives him something in common with malenia/miquella. he is not an empyrean though so maybe radagon isn't the dad (did you fuck the god devouring snake marika????)

i don't want to touch on the miquella and radahn stuff too much since I'm not interested in The Discourse. (i found the parts of the story about marika and the hornsent to be far more interesting). i will say that while the radahn thing felt like it came out of nowhere, the reason miquella didn't choose malenia is probably because 1) she's another empyrean and therfore a candidate for being a god, not a lord, and 2) she's already been claimed by a god. godwyn would have been the more lore logical choice but he didn't even get a mention, like "miquella wanted him but his soul was gone". so weird choice (and bad boss fight) but eh

i'm not sure if miquella's two fingers is ever commented on but he and ranni both followed a similar path in abandoning their flesh to remove themselves from the greater will's influence except ranni then went feral and stabbed hers to death and then got engaged while still covered in its blood. 10/10 no notes

one thing I'd wanted but hadn't expected to get was the reason marika smashed the ring. the whole "woman went crazy because her son died" thing is very grrm and 😬 about what i expect from how his writing handles women, BUT! i think the dlc gives a more complicated possibility for this. marika gets her tragic backstory (which i was also dreading because grrm) and it's one that actually made a lot of sense in terms of the lore and did a good job explaining her actions without justifying them (she slapped the cycle of violence on the roof and was like this bad boy can fit so much perpetuation). the fact she removed death from the elden ring after having witnessed the brutal extermination of her people makes complete sense. and then her son gets killed. she obtained godhood to punish the hornsent and to protect what was left of her people (which seems to mostly be the children she had later) and the elden ring failed her and her kid died. it wasn't grief over her son, so much as past trauma mixed with extreme anger. she took on godship to prevent this and the elden ring had failed her. it had one job basically. radagon, who lacked her memories, was immune to this. overall i think that's a decent plot compared to what it could have been

the whole story with the hornsent also makes the story of morgot and mohg much darker (and it was already dark). marika must have been really pissed and upset to have omen children (maybe part of why she ditched godfrey?). since they were her blood she wouldn't have killed them (since protecting the last of the shamans/numen was her thing), but man. fucked up if true etc

marika probably would have gone apeshit about jarburg if she hadn't been off being crucified

also since ranni was not marika's kid (or wasn't raised by her per se) she might not have known anything about marika's backstory and not expected marika's reaction to godwyn's death. edit: this is not me being like ranni did nothing wrong. i support women's wrongs. i think they should do more of them. more like, imagine ranni kills godwyn and then suddenly marika smashes the ring and all the other demigods go nuts and start waging war and she's just like huh. wild. and then fucks off to her tower until they all get it out of their systems

the lgbtq community has forgiven mohg is possibly the funniest narrative choice they could have made. poor man didn't even get to yell sex in his fight 😔. at least he had some of the sickest looking moves in the game

rellana was the best boss in the dlc and possibly the whole game imo. the fact she may have been into messmer is really funny though because 1) if you go age of stars that is now your aunt in law kicking your ass and 2) your aunt in law who is into the brother of your wife. what a family. no wonder ranni wants to go to space

[lsartcorner]

Double trouble who do you think it is?

Thats right it’s,

Jet & Set! Aka the Turbo Twins!

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Jet -

Age - 26

Height - 6’0

Power up item - Ice Lolly

Brief description -

Typically unserious, outgoing and trickster personality who prefers to be risky and show off tricks than win gold.

However this doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a more serious side, being the most empathetic of them all, always there to have a shoulder to cry on or to talk to whenever needed. He can be silly but is also self aware of when to and not to be. For example seeing Flora upset because of losing many races, he would reassure and comfort her better than Turbo, her teacher ever could, causing them to form a close platonic bond, where they will go to each other if in need. For Flora it be support, and Jet for some tricks and games on others.

Can easily read people and speak for them if need be as he wants to ensure everyone is the most comfortable around him. However sometimes there is the bit so may do something which could be inappropriate for a certain situation, but will apologise later.

For example some of these tricks could include his megaphone, which can be heard what feels like the entire game (and considering his fast running speed, might as well be the entire arcade sometimes)

He is one to frequent the rides on the pier, liking to see the view. Sometimes would bring his binoculars to look at specifics (definitely not to spy on Set).

Fun fact - Is completely resistant to brain freeze even after several ice lollies or slushies, which people are impressed and envious of.

Stats -

- Skills - 8/10

- Speed - 6/10

- Power - 4/10

- Special ability - Super soakers which are able to knock people off their jetskis, once knocked off, they will respawn back on board in 5 seconds

Catchphrase - Engines on!

Set -

Age - 26

Height - 6’0

Power up item - Ice Lolly

Brief description -

Unlike his brother Set is way more calm and collected, preferring to be alone or with one or two people, not being a fan of large groups or social events, opting out if he can.

What makes up for his lack of interest in social situation would be his skill in engineering and working with his hands, being found everyday to be working on his jetski or making objects and structures for others.

Will do stuff for favours, and depending on its size bigger the favour, which when he gets to do quite enjoys the reaction others get when hearing what they’d have to do in return. He is reliable so can be trusted to do said projects.

Despite not showing it really appreciates it when people praise and acknowledge his work/projects whether it be on his jetski or other crafty projects he made such as furniture, equipment, buildings etc. Despite the cold personality he is actually quite sweet with also a knack for sweet things like his brother Jet.

Before a days racing will make himself a game plan which will be followed throughout the day, and without one or if things go off course can be anxious and freeze up not knowing what to do, hindering his performance.

Despite the differences is close to his brother, being able to ask him for honest advice with that lil nack of having a brother bond, makes them quite close, for Set sometimes being the convincing person in making him go to social events or places with many people, knowing he can be relied on to do the talking.

However has recently been going off and talking to Summer about these stuff more often by default, hanging out on the beach after hours, which has been making Jet kind of jealous.

Fun fact -

Using some scraps, he has been able to make himself a guitar which he practices whilst listening to the waves on the shoreline.

Stats -

- Skills - 4/10

- Speed - 6/10

- Power - 8/10

- Special ability - Super soakers which are able to knock people off their jetskis, once knocked off, they will respawn back on board in 5 seconds

Catchphrase - Set into motion!

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4 down 1 to go till some actual content is done with these guys, tomorrow expect Flora!

- LsArtCorner

[greetingfromthedead]

Welcome to a new world of lust and desire!

This is a series of smut oneshots taking place in an Alternate Universe where our beloved Trigun characters are dragon shifters. There is a loose sub-plot connecting the chapters to one another, but there is really no need to read any of this for the plot.

Attention: This is a Trigun x succubus!Reader collection with different partners, both male and female!

Introduction

The Trigun characters here are all dragon shifters unless said otherwise. Generally they are much larger than regular humans, hovering at around the 8ft mark, unless they are Meryl, who is still small compared to the others, now more like a regular tall woman. The dragons have their own affiliations (Vash = Sun Dragon, Knives = Moon Dragon, Wolfwood = Storm Dragon etc) and that comes with its own quirks. They can also shift at will (partially or completely), but they do always keep their horns. You are a succubus (human sized), feeding off their lust and growing more powerful as you get fucked by those delicious creatures. Your presence alone drives them crazy and you are well aware of it, taking advantage of it at every turn. Your goal is to make this nest of lust even more potent as that's what gives you life.

My version of the characters and their dynamics is a bit of a mix of all the different iterations, but their descriptions are generally kept vague enough so you can imagine whatever version you want and add your own HC to it as you please. Occasionally I am self-indulgent, like physically describing Wolfwood as a softer, untoned, tanned, hairy man. And Vash has a skeletal prosthesis cause I like the look and have plans for it.

Premise

All the dragons of the world have been pushed into living in one small area, focused around a mansion built into a mountain. Faced with their dwindling existence, the last remaining shifters indulge in each other, seeking passion and relief from each other's bodies in a messy polygamous dynamic. This lustfulness sends ripples through the fabric of the worlds, accidentally summoning you, a succubus from a hellish plane, into their midst to sow even more desire and mischief.

DISCLAIMER!!! VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT TO READ BEFORE YOU CONTINUE:

This is a work of fiction. Duh. Don't take it too seriously. For all intents and purposes, all the sexual acts are consensual!!! Any dub con is fictional and play pretend. If it makes you feel better, they had the talk behind the scenes and the safe-word is "hullaballoo". Obviously I do not condone any non con or dub con irl, leave that shit in fiction and if anyone disagrees, they can fuck off to Hell. Do read the tags and TWs of the fics, but be aware that my tagging skills are "meh" and I occasionally forget things.

Oneshots (in order of events)

The oneshots are connected, but there is no need to look for a plot, feel free to read what you want in whatever order you want.

Drop of Lust (M/M/F ft Vashwood, 5k) - as Vash and Wolfwood have their way with each other, they accidentally end up summoning you into their world, but you don't get to watch them for long as they are drawn to you and include you in their fun. You make sure they both understand just who you are by bringing them unmatched pleasure and allowing them to fuck you into heavenly bliss.

Ignorance Brings Bliss (Vash, 2.6k) - Vash wants to take care of you by giving you the option to use the large Roman style bath and bringing you food, but due to some misunderstandings, you both end up wet and wild, finding alternate uses for some of the food items he brought with him.

Seduction (Knives, 3.2k) - You seek a warm embrace to spend the night, following the music through the mansion. You find a grumpy Knives playing the organ in his room and use your arts of seduction to completely wrap him around your finger, making him desire you more than anything else in the world.

More coming soon...

Didn't get your fill or not quite what you're looking for? Check out my MASTERLIST for more PG and Explicit Trigun content!

[laseratingfist]

so I've been reading the flavor text in Belobog. again. as usual. I have some fun notes.... (all item descriptions are typed up directly from the in-game descriptions into a google doc so i can look at it whenever without waiting for the game to load.)

Endotherm Chitin (character ascension material, dropped by the stagnant shadow: shape of blaze in the Silvermane Guard Restricted Zone) - Strange chitin peeled off from an interdimensional creature. Although not piping hot anymore, it still radiates warmth. "It's too cold outside. But with this gemstone on you, you'll be able to travel far and wide, even to search for cities with humans left..."

I am extremely curious who that quote is from! Is it Sampo? Of course, this is my first thought because he's the most well-known scammer to us, the players. I don't actually think it's him, I think it is probably somebody else, also because I don't think Sampo would be the type to encourage exploration of the wilderness outside of Belobog. There does seem to be a lot of, or at least a few, people interested in exploration (Lynx, of course) but also, apparently, people who have read Tales of the Winterlands....? I think it's a reasonable response to growing up in a city like Belobog, though. Anyway, I don't think it would be a good idea to use the Chitin to stay warm in the Freeze, but it might come in handy. Maybe that's something that Sampo uses?

Horn of Snow (character ascension material dropped by the stagnant shadow: shape of rime in the Corridor of Fading Echoes) - The Silvermane Guards would host contests where the winner must take a body part from a monster and bring it back within a set time limit. This cold broken horn must have been a trophy of one such contest. "Sir Bova, this is no moose horn and certainly not fit for decoration above the Geomarrow furnace."

Searing Steel Blade (character ascension material dropped by the stagnant shadow: shape of scorch in the Great Mine) - [...] This broken blade must have been a trophy of one such contest. "I saw it with my own eyes. Captain Gepard smashed that thing's hot steel blade with one blow of his fist, then held it with his bare hands and plunged it into the belly of that cold fatty, warming its heart."

Some very funny tidbits about the Silvermanes. It feels very much like a boy's club, though I know it's not only men. They must get really bored, honestly, I get it. Not really sure what monster the quote on the second one is referring to, because Shape of Scorch is the chainsaw automaton, whereas Shape of Rime is the big round automaton? maybe the fight they're referring to had both corrupted by Fragmentum. curious.

[petalruesimblr]

Artisan's Creative Hub

Download Link: Sim File Share | MTS (for approval)

Description:

Welcome to the Artisan's Creative Hub, where creativity thrives and unique expressions find their home. Nestled within this vibrant space are four distinct establishments namely, the Inkwell Tattoo Parlor, Luxe Elite Couture, StyleScape Interiors and Artisan's Den Café, each offering its own brand of artistry and craftsmanship. Step into our hub and immerse yourself in a world where artistry knows no bounds.

Details:

Price: 113,469 Lot Size: 20x30 Lot Type: Salon Version: 1.42 Store Content: Ever Leaves ⚠️ CC Used: Kandiraver: Painting_7 ⚠️ Packs Needed: The Sims 3, Ambitions, Seasons, Late Night, World Adventures, Generations File Type: Package ⚠️-Not included in the download

Hi all! I just realized that most of my builds so far has been community lots and this time I'm back with another one. I find it easier to build community lots and always had fun in creating a bunch of custom rabbit holes for my Sims.

Click on the Keep Reading below for more information and pictures on this lot.

Anyways, this lot is a Salon from The Sims 3 Ambitions but I leaned more towards a Creative Hub instead. Here, you'll find a Tattoo Parlor for the The Ink-in-Comfort 3000, a couture store for the Fuss No muss Styling Station, an interior design business for the The Drafting Table by Scuzzmarr Industries and a small café for a hungry Sim.

I only placed one item for each of the objects I mentioned to avoid unnecessary spawning of service/homeless Sims in your game. There is space for more of those if you'd like; you just need to move things a bit to make it fit.

There is one piece of store content and one CC as well, for which I have provided a link in the Details section above. These items are not included in the download, nor are they required and are mostly décor which will automatically be replaced in your game if you choose not to include them.

The Ambitions expansion pack is required for the Salon lot to work in your game. This lot has been play-tested and I’ve used it in a few of my saved games. Let me know if you experience any problems on your end.

1st Floor:

Elevators

Bench

Bathrooms

Inkwell Tattoo Parlor: Reception area, Tattoo Room that contains The Ink-in-Comfort 3000

Luxe Elite Couture: Reception area, Clothes Rack, Stylist Room that contains the Fuss No muss Styling Station, a makeup station

2nd Floor:

Elevators

Bench

Bathrooms

StyleScape Interiors: Design consultation area, The Drafting Table by Scuzzmarr Industries, Artsy Easel, Precarious Shelving Bookshelf

Artisan's Den Café: Professional bar, tables and chairs, Public Sounds Stereo

[pseudepigraphia]

A Love Letter to Herobrine

So, fun fact: that screenshot that I'm using as the thumbnail is not the origin of Herobrine as a piece of Minecraft mythology. This image was first posted on 4chan around August 31st, 2010, and the character had been floating around the Minecraft forum for a while before that.

The earliest description of a character resembling Herobrine was posted around July on a general creepypasta thread. The Minecraft wiki calls this story "White Eyes." It was posted by a user named Flaky and you can read it here. The post doesn't feature the iconic Herobrine design, but it's the origin of a lot of the beats that keep coming up in Minecraft horror stories.

To summarize real quick: a Minecraft Alpha player is so creeped out by the weird noises and phenomena in a cave under their base that they seal it up and move elsewhere. Eventually they discover a dungeon with a single broken music disc inside, which causes the cave noises to return louder than before. To play the disc, they need resources from their old storage room built directly above the cursed cave. When they return to their base, the player has an encounter with a pair of glowing white eyes. Eventually they go creepypasta-insane from listening to the music disc and (I think) die.

The contents of this post are not as important as the fact that the author provides us with a screenshot of the cave, which should be right next to the famous Herobrine image in the history books.

(If you're not seeing it, check the bottom left.)

The next Herobrine sighting is the famous one. It's pretty much a compilation of all the ideas about the character that were floating around the Minecraft forum at the time. The main thing it introduces to the canon is the idea that the "Herobrine" account was owned by the deceased brother of famous Minecraft dev Hatsune Miku. The obvious implication is that Herobrine is his ghost. It also gives us the classic "fog hill" image, of course.

The third "canon" sighting was concocted by an early Minecraft streamer named Copeland. This is the highest effort of the three and probably the first Herobrine Sighting Video ever recorded. The first thing Copeland did was edit Herobrine into a few wide screenshots of his base to create hype for the stream. This resulted in the third member of the triumvirate of famous Herobrine screenshots, and honestly maybe the creepiest.

In order to get Herobrine on video, Copeland changed the texture of a painting. He went live shortly after, playing like normal for a while before “encountering Herobrine” in a dimly-lit room, screaming, running out of the room, and turning the game off. He continued to stream for a bit after that before declaring he would delete the world.

Why is Minecraft scary?

It's important to keep in mind that Minecraft at this point had exactly one full-time developer and no marketing department. The only reason a given thing was added to this version of Minecraft was that the developer thought it sounded interesting. This had two major effects on the state of the game that enhanced its creepypasta factor substantially.

One: the game is very bare-bones. Minecraft Alpha's infinite replayability comes from its core concept rather than a depth of additional features. Even some basic quality-of life fixes like the ability to stack most food items are absent from this version of the game. This resulted in the features that were present being scrutinously analyzed and theorized about by hundreds of people at a time on the forums, because once you had diamond armor and a big house there wasn't much else to do except dig into mechanics.

Two: many of those mechanics and features that did exist in Alpha were bizarre, and several of them seem like the developer was going out of their way to create a creepy atmosphere. Let's take a look at the mechanics I'm talking about and examine how each of them contributed to the Herobrine mythology.

Fog and light

One thing the White Eyes story and the famous Herobrine post have in common is a focus on low view distance. The second post even specifically mentions that they were playing with their render distance set very low since their computer didn’t have the specs to run anything higher, which most people in the 2010 indie gaming community could probably relate to.

This is relevant because Minecraft cuts off your view distance really sharply. If your render distance is set close to you, everything beyond the cutoff disappears into a thick bank of fog. This is probably best illustrated by looking at the same hill from the famous screenshot with a higher render distance.

In the Herobrine screenshot, this entire back half of the hill is completely cut off. Literally anything could be inside the fog and it would be totally invisible until you got within a few dozen blocks.

On top of that, this hard cutoff of visibility happens the same way with darkness. Walking just a few blocks into a cave leaves you completely unable to see anything until you place a torch. And, of course, if that torch were to be somehow removed, you would be instantly plunged into pitch blackness. Just look at the White Eyes screenshot up above.

The simplistic lighting engine of Minecraft Alpha is obviously not intended to make the game scarier. That said, as someone who’s become totally accustomed to modern Minecraft’s smooth lighting mechanics, it’s really remarkable how much more eerie the game is when you’re consistently forced to walk into total darkness and thick fog to get anything done. Without smooth lighting, when night starts to fall it looks like an enormous shadow passing over the whole world.

If you've heard of the classic Internet creepypasta Ted the Caver, there's a bit where Ted is stuck inside a similarly cursed cave with no light. Earlier in the story, the writer points out that darkness in caves is different from darkness above ground - there is straight-up no light to see with. Your eyes never adjust. Something could be literally inches from from his face and he would never see it. These older versions of Minecraft feel like that.

(If you want to experience the horrors yourself in the modern day, turn smooth lighting off, brightness down to Moody, and crank your render distance down. I seriously recommend it.)

Dungeons

Dungeons are the only place in this version of Minecraft where you can find naturally generated cobblestone. The normal way to get cobblestone is to mine stone and place it back down, and it was the go-to strong building block for quite a while. This gives dungeons the distinct feeling of having been built by someone.

But this is contrasted with the monster spawner, which is one of the most alien blocks in the game. It’s not obtainable in survival mode in any way, it’s destroyed if you try to pick it up, and the floating image of a monster inside the cage is still probably the least blocky thing in the game.

Dungeons are also extremely rare for some reason. You could easily spend weeks in the same survival world and never find one, especially if you didn't enjoy caving for the sake of it once you had all the diamonds you needed.

All this is to say that if you were a Minecraft player in 2010 who’d never encountered one, someone on the forum describing finding a dungeon would sound exactly like the intro to any other creepypasta you'd read recently, right up until it happened to you. It's hard to convince your subconscious that an eerie forum story is completely fictional when things like dungeons are real.

Music discs

Okay, I've been writing about the eerie side of Minecraft for like a thousand words, and I somehow haven't brought this up yet. We need to talk about Discs 11 and 13.

The vast majority of music discs in Minecraft are electronic music tracks composed by German musician C418. They’re basically lo-fi beats to relax / play Minecraft to. There are two considerable exceptions to this genre. Let’s talk about 11 first.

The first thing you’ll notice about it is that the colored portion is black and the outside of the disc is cracked and broken, which is one of the most creepypasta things to ever be in a real game. And then, when you pop it into the jukebox and turn it on, instead of lo-fi electronic beats, you get this.

The track opens with heavy breathing and footsteps on stone, as the recorder of the disc runs through what is pretty clearly a cave. They sound terrified of something, but after a few seconds they stop and catch their breath. Soon, though, there’s a sound like faraway music and the recorder breaks into a run, faster this time, terrified again. The speed of the footsteps increases until the sound changes from stone to dirt, a sign that they’re almost at the surface, until there’s something that sounds like a growl and the sound abruptly cuts off. The last few seconds of the recording are static.

This is probably the most overtly horror-themed Minecraft ever gets, and this disc features heavily in a lot of Minecraft creepypasta. It makes sense. In the middle of an album of chill, electronic music, there’s one disc that’s a found footage horror short film, complete with the person holding the recorder meeting with some fate at the end. Imagine you’re going through your friend’s old VHS collection and there’s a copy of The Poughkeepsie Tapes in the middle of it with no explanation.

Also, this is the only time there’s any real physical evidence of another person existing in this world. Villages weren’t added until the release of Beta months later, and even then, this doesn’t sound like a villager. It sounds like us.

Disc 13 is less infamous by comparison, but it’s still jarring compared to the rest of the soundtrack. 13 consists mostly of slow, reverberating ringing sounds, and at this point I’m going to bring in the last weird Minecraft feature, because they sound like cave noises.

Cave noises are maybe even more infamous among the community than disc 11 as “the thing that makes Minecraft scary.” The most common of these noises are either relatively realistic, like wind or something, or eerie but obviously musical, like part of the soundtrack. Every so often, though, you’ll get one that sounds like footsteps, or the sound of a minecart traveling down a distant track. There’s obviously nothing actually there, but it’s another piece of evidence that even if you’re the only person in this world, there are things here that you didn’t make. This is not helped by the fact that the criteria for a cave noise occurring include darkness.

Conclusion 1

If you take all of these things together - the fog, the darkness, the weird signs that you’re not necessarily alone in this world - it’s easy to see where the sheer amount of creepypasta about this game comes from. It would not be unbelievable in 2010 that something like Herobrine could actually be in the game, and even if you were an adult and didn’t buy that he literally existed, Minecraft Alpha is still a nearly perfect game for scaring the shit out of yourself after just having read a bunch of horror stories.

(I know this because I scared the shit out of myself several times while revisiting Minecraft Alpha for this essay.)

Why Herobrine?

Surprise! There's more.

So we know where the Herobrine story comes from: a bunch of people playing an old, weird sandbox game that - intentionally or by accident - also functions surprisingly well as a survival horror game, and scaring themselves because it’s fun.

Now I want to talk about why the Herobrine story specifically resonated so hard with people that it still exists while hundreds of others have been basically forgotten. Keep in mind, the White Eyes story originated on a thread for a completely different creepypasta that no one has ever heard of. So what’s special about Herobrine?

To start with, we need to take a look at the specifics of Herobrine that set it apart from other creepypasta characters. The Minecraft wiki has a definition of “canonical” Herobrine that includes the first forum posts and images, like the famous 4chan post, as well as the Copeland streams. These are, quote, “fundamental to the creation and popularization of the character.” So let’s look at the commonalities between them.

Herobrine apologism

The most interesting thing these stories have in common, especially compared to more modern Herobrine, is a complete lack of aggression from Herobrine in game. The narrator of White Eyes does go crazy and maybe die, but that happens due to influence from Disc 11. The actual entity with the white eyes only appears once, and it never personally acts on the player.

In the original 4chan post, Herobrine is explicitly stated to run away and disappear if the player tries to approach and get a clearer look at him. The Copeland saga begins with Herobrine watching him in the corner of a screenshot, and even during the close encounter Herobrine doesn’t chase him out of the house or even follow him. He just stands there.

Just looking at the original Herobrine canon, there’s almost no reason to even conclude he’s malevolent at all.

So if Herobrine isn’t out to get you in the original canon, what does he do? Aside from watching you from the edge of your vision, there are a few consistent things to watch out for in the oldest videos. The most famous Herobrine signs are pyramids made of sand, trees with the leaves removed, and tunnels to nowhere, almost always lit with redstone torches.

The thing that strikes me about these signs is that they’re almost player-like, except with no internal logic to them. Building structures, cutting down trees, and digging tunnels are core to the gameplay loop of Minecraft, except in the Herobrine versions there’s no productivity. The pyramids are uninhabitable and the tunnels are never deep enough to find ore. It’s like what someone would do if they knew what you were supposed to do in Minecraft, but couldn’t understand why.

By far the most common explanation for the origin of Herobrine is that he’s a ghost. The most famous herobrine story says that he’s the dead brother of Hatsune Miku, and that part of the mythos is considered basically canon now. Even if you don’t like that element (can you tell I don’t?), a lot of posts from this time period describe him as the ghost of a miner. This is probably because the game literally has inexplicable mining sounds programmed into its caves. Either way, it’s hard to avoid the idea that Herobrine used to be a normal guy. Someone who lived in this empty world before you did.

"REAL HEROBRINE SIGHTING 100% PROOF"

There’s a Youtube playlist that I come back to a lot. It’s called “The Oldest Herobrine Sightings Ever (In Order!)” Most of the videos are either clearly faked, made by a 9-year-old, or clearly faked by a 9-year-old, but they still have a vibe to them that totally captivated me when I was younger and half buying into it.

They still give me a similar feeling years later, which is obviously partially due to nostalgia, but I don’t think the feeling is actually the exact same. It’s not quite nostalgia, and it’s not the the fear-slash-fascination I felt in 2012, glued to these videos while ready to run out of the room at any time in case something too scary happened. It’s closer to a good kind of melancholy.

And if you go back to The Oldest Herobrine Sightings Ever with the idea of feeling some empathy for him, it makes them hit a lot harder than if you just assume he's a murder ghost who’s coming to get you. I know I’m pretty far into Death of the Author territory at this point; I’m projecting an amount of emotional complexity onto fake cryptid sightings made by internet babies that almost definitely wasn’t there to begin with, but that doesn’t make this reading of the story any less impactful to me.

In order to make this point of view more believable, I’ve cherrypicked a video from the playlist for us to look at. The video is, naturally, called “REAL HEROBRINE SIGHTING 100% PROOF” by CreeperAssassin87. It's only five minutes long and I recommend watching it so you can determine for yourself if I'm making shit up.

In the video, CreeperAssassin heads out of their (pretty impressive) base only to find themselves face-to-face with the man himself. What happens next is probably the best example of my point in the whole playlist, but if you watch the other videos closely you can notice this pattern.

CreeperAssassin says very confidently that Herobrine started “chasing” them, but look at what he’s actually doing. He’s not running at the player or even really looking at the screen, and he’s not armed with anything more dangerous than a pickaxe. Remember, at this point in history, Herobrine wasn’t believed to have any magic powers to attack you with either. There’s nothing actually threatening going on here.

After that jumpscare, CreeperAssassin naturally spends the rest of the video running away and hiding, with Herobrine following close behind. My favorite part comes after the player has sealed themselves inside the wall of the castle. Herobrine breaks in, and once he has CreeperAssassin completely cornered...

...he doesn’t do anything. He just stands there and stares. The narration claims to have “luckly escaped” [sic], but I genuinely find it hard to see any malice in his behavior here.

One of the last appearances of Herobrine in the video is him watching CreeperAssassin through the window of their base after they block off the door. At this point, the video has firmly established that he's able to break blocks, and CreeperAssassin is completely cornered again. If he wanted to harm the player, he could do it easily. But once he's shut out, he just resigns himself to it.

Again, this video is probably the strongest example, but this observation holds pretty well for the vast majority of Herobrine sightings from this time period. If you shift your perspective a little bit, his behavior is not far off from what a normal person might do if they encountered another player for the first time.

Oh, hello. Who are you? It's nice to finally meet someone else. I thought I was alone out here.

Of course, nearly everyone he meets runs away and shuts him out. Eventually most of them either abandon their haunted worlds or delete them entirely.

Conclusion 2

For a lot of people on the Minecraft forums in 2010, Herobrine may have been an introduction to stories like this. I obviously doubt that a tragedy about a ghost doomed to wander alone forever was what any of the people involved here intended to make. That said, those emotions are still present, and strongly enough that they inspired me to write this entire thing.

I believe this contrast between the fear created by reading a scary story about an eerie game and the inherent sadness of the Herobrine figure is what made this story stand the test of time. Compare Herobrine with his more one-dimensionally hostile imitators, and then compare him with other creepypasta hall-of-famers like Ben Drowned. All the greatest urban legends make you feel something more complex than "afraid."

One last thing that I thought made a really good anecdote to conclude this vibes-based essay.

One of the most successful post-canon additions to the Herobrine lore is the idea of a Herobrine spawner, a structure you can build that will let him in to your world. The materials needed to do this are pretty consistent between stories, involving a base made of gold, redstone torches, sometimes some mossy cobblestone, and a netherrack pillar on top. Lighting the netherrack on fire is what activates the structure.

(There are some pretty obvious parallels here with real-life rituals meant to summon ghosts or spirits, especially the lighting of a fire.)

The origin of this structure, as far as I can tell, dates back to one of the first ever mods meant to add Herobrine to the game, a server plugin released in 2010. This plugin not only introduced the spawner, but Herobrine’s behavior in it is really interesting. He’s much more docile in this plugin than in the substantially more famous Herobrine Mod released the following year, where he directly attacks the player and summons zombies and whatnot.

The keystone here is the name of the plugin, the file you have to download to let him into your world. It’s not called “Him,” or “WakeUp,” or “WhiteEyes.”

It’s called “iLoveYou.”

[noitkot1]

s4!Scar's base is so cool and shelters all the dead Scars

Or all Life Series Scar's respawn in Scar's Frontier Outpost- or or, oh god all 5 Scar's are stuck together.

All throughout s4 Scar mentions something-something that Scar's Frontier Outpost is "a place for all Scar's to go!" This au is that, but Scar's Frontier Outpost is quite literal in its description. All Scar's that have died go there to rest. And happen to meet some of the other universe's version of themselves in death.

3rd!Scar waking up completely alone as the first, only with the cats to accompany him as he slowly wanders through this very not well lit up town. Only gaping at the TERRIBLE train track construction. Even if he is no expert a train track should not have a 90 degree turn! Of course half shirtless with a cat on his shoulder, or well guiding him. The place is abandoned to his eyes and- well. He's dead isn't he? Passed when Grian murdered him in the cactus ring, so this is his afterlife...

Its nicer than he had imagined it to be.

Then one day months and months later, there's a silly wizard in his bed with green, depressed eyes. And as he stares into a mirror, this replica-Scar sits up slowly, hands shaking with winces and the biggest frown ever. Looking towards the other Scar, his voice cracks during the sentence, "am I dead?" 3rd!Scar only does a quick nod, because while he assumed this is the afterlife, why would the afterlife have multiple versions of himself? He shrugs it off, probably better not to question it. It'll be nice to have some company.

Meanwhile LL!Scar is pulling his hoodie over his head and trying his best to be small and hide away. Because he was unrightfully- totally rightfully, it was a death game. A death game he did not sign up for- murdered. And now he's dead and seeing other versions of himself. It'd be a shock to anyone's system truly, and LL!Scar stares blindly as 3rd!Scar goes on a long babble, sitting down and petting one of the cats with a smile as he talks all about the local train in the area. A week later, the two have settled in and just exist. Because they're dead now and all they can really do is make the world more pretty.

This repeats for each one. After DL 3rd!Scar stops sleeping in the bed they keep spawning in, changing that room out to be more welcoming in a sense. After the mess that is DL, the one who somehow stays farther away from the "group" than LL did, the two give little concerned glances and raises of the eyebrow. That room has a big banner over the door reading "WELCOME TO SCARS FRONTEIR OUTPOST(AKA YOUR DEAD)", streamers hanging from the ceiling, and a red carpet added to the bottom. The entire room is restructured, and they add a chest full of essential items and a little note reading, "DISCONT FOR ONE SANDWICH!" and on the back it read all horribly scribbled out, "if youd like one more glorius sandwich, that will cost you one shoe!" DL got scammed through this, the two longer dead Scar's putting on smiles and demanding two diamonds for the amazing tour they gave the other. And somehow DL couldn't help the laugh that crackled from his chest, the others couldn't stop their snickers either.

SL and LL get along well, but either refuse to acknowledge why or talk about their past. Just when the other appears they connect.

LiL!Scar being like the youngest child. Definitely does the most pranks and gets along like a fire with everyone, but 3rd!Scar encourages his chaos. These two have definitely set off fireworks for fun on the anniversaries of their own deaths(LiL starting this tradition because he simply can. Bdubs and Cleo would've loved to see the pretty lights).

DL being the dramatic middle child... somewhere in there. He ends up being the most reserved even when LiL arrives. He's scared of making many connections and accepts his cats as his soulmates and his only friends. Said cats are also how the other two bring DL out of his shell. Making tons of the toys for the kitters and bonding over their equal love of the little guys.

They all deserve a little happiness in their endings somehow! A nice afterlife where they can thrive together and enjoy some bits of it after realizing they all aren't out to get each other, they're simply just... dead. Now all they have are the alternate universe also dead versions of themselves(this being pointed out over a campfire would make them snort).

[rorichuu]

Hiii! (Feel free to ignore this, btw)

Could I request a tf2 scout x male!reader, where spy (with the help of other mercs like demo) tries to get the reader drunk, so that they make some bad mistakes? Basically spy is trying to get scout to lose interest in reader, because of how he has treated his partners in the past, and doesn’t want that for the reader? But in the end, scout and reader still end up in a relationship? Sorry this might be a little confusing.

rebel ; scout x male!reader

pairing: scout x male!reader

authors note: heya! i had sososo much fun writing this, like oh my god?! thank you for sending this in!

disclaimer: cursing in the mercs' native tongue, descriptions of being drunk, and Engineer/Spy being parents towards the end.

SIDE NOTE: if you don't like the Engineer/Spy ship, that is 110% okay! i can totally scrap it if you don't like it... i just thought it might be a cute addition. happy reading, my friends!

"C'monnn Y/n, take another wee shot with me, now will ya!" Demo exclaimed over the loud music that boomed throughout the base. They had won victoriously and declared a party to celebrate their winnings... and expectantly, Demo had brought drinks.

"Don't tempt me, I've drunken... a, uh... a lot!" You slurred, lips tasting of liquor, grammar non-existent at this point. The Scotsman booed loudly, his hand now (as best he could) waved in front of you. The potent liquid hitting your nose, you let out a drawn groan, quick to grab the shot from his hands as you downed the shot with ease. Soon after, the burn caught up to you, leaving you in a coughing fit as Demo slapped your back.

"I knewww you could- hic ... handle it, lad!"

Originally, it was Spy's idea to get you drunk. Unusual to think about unless traced back to past events... the Frenchman got sick over the idea of you so casually flirting with the Scout. The boy was smooth with his advances; a hand on your shoulder here, a horrible flirtation there... he couldn't let be anymore.

The reason Spy was stepping in was merely the thought of you two ending up together. His heart twisted at the idea that he may mess and wear at your heart tirelessly; a flirt only to be a flirt. Spy focused deeply on Scout's (seemingly) exterior intentions, quick to frown and wince at the failures he put upon Miss Pauling. Spy wished only for you to not get hurt... and though this is seen as unfair, it was absolute to him to bring this to an end.

Spy's advances would never have gone unnoticed; Spy isn't a drunk, and he doesn't take down shots like a certain Scotsman does... so when this was approached, Engineer was the first to speak and pull aside Spy after the announced party.

"Are you sure about this, Spy?" The Texan asked, voice full of question as the others observed... Scout and you being, of course, absent.

"Plenty. I know Scout and the same goes for all of you," he began, hand swift to pull out a cigarette from his holder. "I simply cannot let Scout and Y/n become an..." The Frenchman sighed, lighting his cig with a click of his lighter. He inhaled its smoke and allowed it to settle deep into his lungs. "Item." People spoke outwardly about this. Though Demo could partially agree... and Sniper simply without care... everyone else was against the idea aside from Pyro, who was continuously drawing in the back, happy in their own world of drawn-out gore and rainbows.

"Y/n has own mind. He is smart man, do not underestimate." Heavy rumbled, eyes furrowed in disagreement. But Spy shook his head, his hand snapping his cigarette holder shut before placing it inside his dress coat.

"If you will, I will carry on. I do not need anyone's input to sway my decision. Good day, gentlemen." And with that, Spy had left.

. . .

Demo was mindlessly helping... unbelievably drunk, but aware of his goal. He had to get you drunk! That was the easy part! But you were making drunken decisions that would make anyone gasp... and impressions of the other mercs was certainly new.

"YOU ARE A MAGGOT HATCHED FROM A- hic ... MUTANT MAGGOT EGG!" With one hand raised confidently in the air, holding a mug half-full of beer, you were partially crouched pointing at Soldier with your mocking taunt. While Demoman and Scout doubled over in laughter, you and Soldier remained yelling at each other... with your trying impression and his angered, drunken response.

"I DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THAT, MAGGOT!" Soldier exclaimed. "DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME 20!" You barked with laughter, hand at stomach as you nearly fell off the table... Heavy was quick to catch you. And as his large hands balanced you, you greeted him with a quick hello and a turn of your foot, intention to walk away... but before you could escape, his hands were rested on your shoulders.

"Best if Y/n drank water. Heavy will give you bottle." The Russian man advised, Medic close beside him nodding with agreement with a clipboard in hand. You shook your head, your giggling dying down, only if just a little bit.

"T-The party just started!" You began. "Plus, this is only my... what, my f... fuhhh, fourth drink?!" You yelled back at Demo as if to ask, he simply gave you a thumbs up as he continued to converse with Soldier.

"Y/n, z'his is your 11th drink..." Medic informed you, keeping note of your alcohol intake. Your lips purse together as you let out a 'pfft'. The German shook his head and sighed. "Please be more careful with your drinking. Demoman is enough proof alone to prevent alcoholism." Medic scowled, his sights on Tavish who was currently singing a Scottish tune... ungodly slurred and incomprehensible on his drunken tongue... and an arm wrapped around the Soldier as they danced cheek-to-cheek.

Medic then shook his head, a noise leaving his throat out of annoyance. "His liver is... surely, dead." Medic left a few scribbles on his clipboard, a head lowered down with his glasses sliding to the tip of his nose. Just moments later, Heavy had nudged Medic's arm, the German cursing in his native tongue from his jerked writing. "Was ist das?" (What is it?) He hissed before Heavy gently grabbed Medic's chin in his hands, turning his head to catch Spy conversing with you. You had slipped away.

"Scheiße." (Fuck.)

. . .

With Medic and Heavy's failed attempt to help you, it was then left to Engineer. The Southern and Frenchman were neck-to-neck, evident with their disagreements, and the intensity in the atmosphere was thick... but as Spy spoke with his silver tongue, suggesting decisions that were just downright rude, he cut through that air like butter.

With a cocky smirk and a swish of his hands, he ushered you up to Scout after his chat. Engie fired daggers into Spy's eyes, the sound of the beer bottle clinking loudly with the table before advancing towards the two. And every other merc, aside from Demo and Soldier who were clearly passed out at the bar, had their eyes on Engie. Pyro clapped their hands together and mumbled supportingly of his father figure.

But before Engineer could approach you, Spy slid in front of Engineer, hand placed on the left side of his chest. "Ah, I'll have to stop you there, mon ami." (My friend.) Spy spoke, his accent more pronounced the more pompous he got. Engineer glowered.

"I ain't gonna be your friend by the end-a' this night if you keep this up, pardner," Spy was caught slightly off guard by Engineer's translation of his remark. "You best leave that poor boy alone, his life ain't yours, and you got no right controllin' it the way you are now." As the two bickered and quarreled, the sound of you and Scout laughing alerted the two. Spy was the first to turn, looking over his shoulder as he found the two of you huddled close together... the Frenchman began to open his mouth but closed it soon after. Spy was defeated.

As his shoulders slumped, his face was, without a doubt, beat. Engineer huffed a soft laugh, hand patting his back as Pryo hopped over to offer him a beer. "C'mon, now. Let's have'a drink and talk, why don't we?" Engie said, Spy raised an eyebrow at the beverage in hand... his lip twitched in disfavor.

"Wine would be preferred." He spoke low, holding the drink by just its cap. The other man took the beverage for himself, twisting it open with ease.

"Not a problem, pardner."

. . .

The night swirled to an end. The loud snores of Demoman were overheard by Soldiers accompanied snoring. Every other merc had left for sleep, rubbing their eyes, intoxicated and hushed. All the while, Scout and you were slumped on the couch, entangled with a blanket.

Engineer was cleaning up after everyone, beer bottles put away, and sweeping up scrapped plastic cups. Spy, on the other hand, was leaning against the wall... observing the two of you in silent thought. Engineer caught wind of this, huffing before resting the broom against the bar table. He walked over to him.

"Somethin' on your mind, sugar?" He hummed, crossing his arms as he stood beside the man. Spy looked away due to the pet name, shuffling. Engie found this humorous.

"Non..."

"Does it have somethin' to do with Y/n and Scout? Perhaps?"

"N..." He thought for a moment. He sighed. "Oui." Spy found no reason to lie anymore, having found loss hours ago. Engineer sighed, his shoulder now leaning against Spy's, but just enough to not squish him.

"He'll do jus' fine with the boy. Y/n balances him out pretty well, yeah?" Engineer shared Spy's glance of the two. "Scout's happy with him. And the other way 'round... don't think we should be the judge'a that. No matter how much we wanna protect 'm." Engineer tried to reason, moving his shoulder against Spy's to sway his judgment... he knew he already succeeded, with the way Spy covered his face with his gloved hand.

"I suppose... you're right..." Spy grumbled. Engineer raised an eyebrow.

"What was'sat?" He egged on. "You. Were. Right..." Spy hissed.

"Did I hear a, 'you were right,' behind all that grumble?" With a smirk and a voice that spoke knowingly, the Frenchman lunged him off as the Southern man laughed.

"Shut up, just... just clean up like you were!"

And with the soft laugh of Engineer, the hushed mutterings of Spy... came around you and Scout, holding each other in sleepful peace.

The night ended. Just right.

.

.

.

rorichuu!

[kerubimcrepin]

Exploring the dofus-la-serie.com website - Part 1

The website is kind of broken, which makes me quite sad. Though that's life for you.

Character Profiles:

I am not translating this because as fans of this franchise, you probably know all of these words. (Well, except gouvernante. That can mean "housekeeper". He isn't calling her their governor. Though she should be.)

I am not even going to mention that Kerubim is here twice. Sometimes, a second Kerubim appears in a random spot among the characters while going to this page or refreshing it. Just another one fun thing about this being an eleven-year-old website for a series that has been over for years.

I wonder if, in-universe, he's the one who drew on their portraits, or if it was Joris's doing, influenced by Kerubim's stories?

Love how Atcham isn't mentioned, but his pandawa drinking buddy is. Also, that neither of them have commentary by him.

The character pages themselves have unique character art:

As well as short descriptions of the characters.

Because the entire site is saved on web archive, and probably won't go down anytime soon, (despite its buggy state,) and these not offering any new, groundbreaking information — I will not be posting most of them here, save for the main ones:

Joris:

Kerubim:

Also, a note: this calls him a "papa poule", which I decided to google, to hilarious results:

Thank you, dofus-la-serie.com... for everything. I already noticed, in the past posts, that it's actually weird and off-putting that Joris has no friends, and that it might be Kerubim's fault, but we never really see him make parenting decisions (COUGH-COUGH-COUGH besides the decision to constantly endanger and neglect Joris but EHHH I spent 50+ posts talking about that in the show liveblogs) in the series due to its slice of life format.

I'm glad to know that at least one canonical source describes him as overprotective, bearing, and anxious parent, (but not to a helicopter-parent level). That's actually quite valuable!

Simone:

Pupuce:

Multiple notes here:

The description does not seem to use explicitly masculine pronouns for Pupuce, who, as we know from Joris, is a girl. This is just an error on the Google Translate's part.

PUPUCE IS A CAT KIN/CAT FURRY????????????

You know what, actually considering Joris himself is a cat furry, but in a much more subtle, subdued way, her being his pet is a match made in heaven. Two creatures who wish they could be cats, breaking bread and drinking tea together. Love wins.

The broken "find the object" minigame:

One can only be thankful that it's not more broken — because 2013 was prime time for flash games, and yet, this game does not seem to use flash technologies.

When you click anywhere on the screen itself, instead of the UI, the game, and the page itself freezes. It's a shame — I bet the game was fun, back when it worked.

I had taken it upon myself to download and archive the music from the minigame, so, here it is:

Using archive.org I was able to get to the next page, the link to which is usually invisible and also unclickable in the minigame:

Kerubim's Collection (link included so you don't have to suffer like I did)

It's quite a long list, with many items, but I am not Ronik, this show's biggest, and probably, by now, only fan, if I don't read all of this and bring the most interesting parts to you.

Firstly, thankfully, all of these are, for the most part lore-less. Just little blurbs of the episodes those appear in, whether you can find them in-game, and a hint as to where to find this in the broken minigame. But there are some gems:

Kerubim doesn't like Joris's photography hobby (...I sure do wonder why!)

HE'S A SORE LOSER ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THE NOFFOUB EPISODE. LMAO. "Deceitful Osamodas"....

"I'm cautious" "Simone whyyy did you put it here??" How these two people hadn't killed Joris fr is still beyond me.

He's genuinely insane.