#so sort of forcing self to commit to sources of inspiration too

[skunkes]

and im calling out your name ^_^

[littlejuicebox]

Dancing in a burning room

Pairing: Astarion x Original Female Character/Ranger AKA AstarionxWren Rating/Warnings: M+ for gore, no smut in this one, Act 1 spoilers Chapter number: Eight Word count: 4.1K (Sheesh! Had to move the plot along.) Masterlist: Click here. Song inspiration: "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" - John Mayer Notes: Let's play a game, tell me where the song inspiration references are in the fic.

-----

Astarion woke before Wren, his elven trance much more efficient than the haphazard, limb-twisting sleep of the half-elf. His eyes fluttered open, and the vampire found himself, once again, at a loss for what to do next. It was still dark, the diffused apricot glow of Wren’s makeshift lamp the only source of light in the camp. The entire ordeal was unfamiliar… it was strange, waking up next to someone he’d bedded the night before sleeping peacefully beside him instead of startling awake to their screams of their absolute terror. He mentally added it to the growing list of firsts in his lifetime.

The vampire studied the woman's face and noted the slight upturn of her nose, the sharp angle of her cheekbones, and the minute scrunch between her eyebrows as she dreamed, as if concentrating in her sleep. In the past, he’d gone through great efforts to avoid remembering the faces of anyone he laid with, and yet this time the rogue found himself trying to commit her face to his memory… he wasn’t sure why. Perhaps he was merely clinging to any silly little moment of comfort he found in the wilds in order to preserve the memory, in case his next 200 years were filled by further torture when Cazador found him.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence, the vampire rolled out of bed, leaving the woman to her rest. He needed to be out of there and hunting before anyone woke up… or caught him coming out of Wren’s shelter and started asking too many questions he didn’t have answers to. He broke through the tent and in doing so broke the spell that had been woven around the two in a haze of smoke and starlight last night. As he exited, he ignored a gnawing feeling rising in pit of his stomach, a whispering fear that he'd created an unintended soft spot for himself. A sort of lingering dread, akin to an ongoing, high-pitched ringing he could barely hear but was faintly aware existed, followed him as he exited the shelter and wandered into the forest.

-----

When Wren awoke, she turned to find the pillow next to her empty and already absent of any body heat. Admittedly, she had expected as much, but a sliver of her heart felt the faint pang of disappointment. The ranger turned to face the canvas ceiling, pushing curled tendrils of hair away as her eyes adjusted to the light still radiating from the amber vessel. In the quiet solitude of her shelter and the stark soberness of her constitution, after the blissful haze of last night, she was forced to finally acknowledge the coils of guilt clutching her heart.

‘It’s been years, Wren. You’ve locked yourself in a cage... and you’ve chosen to unlock it now. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

The logic was there. And yet, so was the shame, ripping at her core and clutching at her organs, forcing her breaths to turn shallow. But today wasn’t a day for brooding and self-loathing; they had goblins to kill and a Druid to find.

After donning her armor, Wren exited the tent to be greeted by bright flares of sunlight and an already bustling camp. Had she truly been the last to rise? The medicinals and physical exertion from last night must have knocked her into a deeper slumber than she'd realized. The little bird bent down to grab her quiver and caught a glimpse of something nestled amongst the arrows. She grabbed at the out of place thing, withdrawing a simple surprise that she recognized immediately. An Aster flower. For all his innuendo, the vampire could sometimes be explicitly on the nose.

The edges of Wren's neck flushed around the leather collar of her armor, almost making the skin itch with the rush of new blood. She turned her head just a fraction to look at the vampire, feeling the prickling heat of his gaze upon her. Astarion was sitting on a boulder, the picture of nonchalance. He met her eyes with a soft smirk and a sly wink, dagger in one hand as he poked the tip of the narrow blade against his opposing finger, testing the sharpness. The silver-haired rake flicked the weapon slightly, a subtle hello laced in the glint of a dagger, before turning to laugh at some joke Karlach made at Wyll’s expense.

It was a simple, sweet, innocent little secret between the two of them, but something about it set the little bird's body on fire. She lamented the fact that she could not stride across the camp and hold him like she wanted... how she longed to feel him in her arms in that moment. But instead, Wren quickly plucked the flower from her quiver and pressed it between the pages of the tattered spell book she’d stolen from Nettie days ago, snuffing out the feelings brewing inside as she went.

-----

The first few phases of the goblin camp raid went smoothly. Astarion and Wren efficiently took out the scouts while Shadowheart — affectionately called Drowheart by her campmates while in her disguise — made her rounds poisoning the food and alcohol supply and freeing the Owlbear.

“Okay. Dror Ragzlin will be in here.” Shadowheart explained in a hushed whisper, drawing an "X" on a makeshift schematic of the temple as they readied themselves outside of the gargantuan doors. “First, we handle Minthara and get Halsin.” She circled room on the periphery of the temple to show that location. “Then, we all take out the Hobogoblin and his hoard.”

“Minthara?” Wren asked, voice cracking just slightly at the end, which she attempted to cover up with a cough.

Astarion picked up on the strangeness of her tone, head cocking to examine the woman through his peripherals. She'd been oddly quiet on the way to the camp, but he'd chalked it up to battle nerves or some sort of post-coital awkwardness, which he himself felt. He flicked his gaze over to the ranger with interest, white brows furrowing as he studied her; he could hear the moment her heart picked up its pace and the stable thrum turned into a rapid fire. But other than that, she’d turned stone cold. Impassive. Unreadable.

“Yes, Minthara.” Shadowheart huffed, already growing impatient. They had limited time to act and the pressure of being the one to call the shots was slowly dripping weight onto one of the scales within her psyche and unbalancing her constitution. “Any more questions? Then let’s get on with it.”

Drowheart easily lead the group through the fallen temple, past several torture rooms filled with mangled bodies, and straight to Minthara. They’d been instructed to wait for the cleric’s signal before attacking. With so many goblin cultists and worgs wandering about, subterfuge was clearly the tactical advantage; although distracted, Wren was aware enough to be proud the cleric knew her stuff.

It was a damn good plan. It was a great plan, even. It might’ve truly worked. But halfway through the conversation Drowheart and Minthara were having about “trying” to find Emerald Grove, the two women gesturing over a large map strewn upon an oak desk, the paladin turned to catch a glimpse of Wren where she’d attempted to obscure herself behind Wyll and Karlach.

Minthara’s eyebrows furrowed as she drifted away from the conversation, no longer captivated by Drowheart’s -- admittedly lackluster -- attempts at theatrics and distraction. Wren felt the woman's eyes upon her and couldn’t help but lift her head to acknowledge the Drow, chin cocked in subtle pride. Minthara’s face clicked with recognition. All the parasites reared their bodies and linked together in a volatile ripple as the True Soul aggressively delved into Wren’s mind, desiring to confirm her suspicions.

The group got pulled into a deeply hidden, foggy memory of a younger Wren wearing a lightly embroidered, bell sleeved blue dress. For a moment, the edges of the vision were a bloom of vignette, and the memory had a feeling of being closely guarded by the keeper. It took aggressive delving from Minthara to pull the memory from Wren, the little bird’s psyche unwilling to release it and clutching to the precious thing with thorned tendrils in an attempt to protect from the intrusion.

But finally, the paladin broke through, and the vision was opened to reveal all. Wren wore a flower crown, dark, lengthy braids, and the visage of a more optimistic, less time-worn young half-elf. She was holding onto the arm of a salt and peppered man, his eyes that same amber color as Wren’s real eye — clearly, her father. They were walking toward a red-eyed, white-haired Drow holding out his hand to her; several semi-blurred faces were in the background. It was autumn, and the breeze picked up and scattered leaves from the trees, swirling them around the memory like confetti, causing memory Wren to laugh in delight. The emotion of the scene was deep and extreme; a sickening, overwhelming combination of adoration, excitement, and sadness all in one. As it ended, the lingering, intense feelings sent the entire group reeling from the vividness of it all.

Wren forced Minthara out of her brain with extreme effort, though her face remained almost impassive. Almost. Astarion caught the glimpse of a single tear rolling out the woman’s eye before she blinked the rest away. The half-elf eyes narrowed as she locked her gaze onto the Drow woman, clutching the hilt of her scimitar in a white-knuckled grip.

“I remember you... you're the ranger woman that caused my cousin to forsake Lolth.” Minthara spit in disgust as she broke out of the trance. If the group hadn't been sent spinning from the sensation of intruding on someone's most secret memories, they might have considered that tone odd from another Drow no longer serving Lolth. But cultural indoctrination ran deep, regardless of hypocrisy.

The atmosphere in the room flipped. Thick, heavy air and a subtle thrum of energy plucked itself around the room. The vampire knew, without really understanding how he knew, that the ranger was about to unleash that fascinating form of terror like what she'd released onto the Gur; the storm of rage and vengeance before the calm of death. He felt the hairs on his arms stand at attention just as Wren lunged across the desk, hands outstretched and blue snaps of lightening already crackling at her fingertips.

Chaos reverberated around the room and descended upon the gang almost as fast as lightning strikes; Drowheart’s plan was shot to hell by the archer with nary a bow in sight. Gale had slyly locked them all together at the beginning with an arcane lock on the door — nobody in, nobody out; fight to the death quickly became the agenda. Lae’zel and Karlach broke into the pandemonium first, screaming their individual war cries as they swung their sword and axe, respectively. Blood rained around them in spiraled drops of crimson. They were quickly followed by Shadowheart and Wyll, both playing support roles to the fearless, raging women.

A well-placed blast of thunderwave from Gale knocked two goblins that had been running to Minthara’s aid into the cavern beneath the dilapidated room; the wizard was playing defense and doing everything in his magical power to keep the altercation between their gang leader and the Drow a fair fight. The women were swinging at one another with their melees; Minthara's pointed mace narrowly made contact with Wren's ribs and sent a sharp cry of pain from the half-elf. The ranger managed to grab the mace on the second swing, her own weapon clattering to the ground during the tussle, before she placed a swift kick to the Drow’s abdomen. The move knocked Minthara prone, disarming her in the process. Wren tossed the mace aside where it skittered into the cavern below.

Gale might've been trying to keep the fight fair, but Astarion had other ideas entirely. He would gladly stab Minthara in the back. But two more goblins, smarter than their counterparts, had climbed overhead into the crossbeams. He was pinned in place. Every time the vampire tried to advance, he was greeted by a meticulous flurry of arrows that sent him reeling back towards cover. ‘Damn Gale and his dibs on the missile snaring gloves.’

The women were now in a fist fight on the rough, cold ground, each haphazard roll for dominance forcing the pair closer and closer to the edge of the room where a cavern gaped below. It was clear Minthara was stronger, but Wren was fueled by an explosive combination of pure rage and murderous revenge, which helped even the playing field. The two were locked in a battle of strength and will, both too stubborn to give up their pursuits to acknowledge they were on the brink of death.

In a split decision Astarion dashed forward, narrowly outrunning a flurry of arrows just as Minthara and Wren both tumbled over the edge of the crevasse. A lone arrow buried itself in his calf, slicing all the way through, as the vampire made the final dive towards Wren, his long limbs outstretched and desperately grasping for the woman. The rogue barely caught the half elf by the freckled hand as she slid over the edge. When he looked down, Astarion saw the paladin grasping haphazardly at the ranger, attempting to maintain her hold.

“You should have remembered me as the woman that downed two of house Baenre.” Wren hissed through clenched teeth as the little bird placed a swift kick to Minthara's face, ripping a string of blood and a grunt of pain from the Drow.

The agony from the arrow lodged in Astarion's leg was searing and sharp. The burning through his calf became almost unbearable as blood began to pool towards the front of his pants, but the vampire kept both hands firmly locked around Wren’s forearm. Teeth gritted, beads of sweat rolling down his face, the silver-haired elf groaned with immense effort as he struggled to hold the weight of the two women. Wren glanced up at Astarion, and as their eyes connected, she gave him a wild look he didn't understand.

Then he felt it, the slight current of electricity running through him, like a pulse. Not painful, but noticeable. Wren released a shattering scream as she bent the electricity through her own body, deftly curving it away from Astarion and towards Minthara. The searing force of the spell shot azure bolts down the ranger's arm, burning the jagged pattern into her flesh as she doubled in her efforts; the wail ripped from Wren’s vocal cords rang into the cavern and echoed back to them.

The paladin tried her best to hold on, but the blistering agony became too great, and her body’s natural response overruled her brain’s will -- she released the ranger’s hand with a look of pure terror on her face. Astarion and Wren both watched, unable to look away from the horrid scene, as the Drow tumbled into the dark abyss before disappearing from view.

“A little help here!” Astarion shouted, coming back to his senses, all energy positively ripped from him by now, miraculously clutching to whatever final shreds of strength and willpower remained. The little bird began trying to pull herself back over the edge, deft fingers hooked into the stone ledge. Astarion had the sickening thought that no one was going to come and save them, and he was going to lose his greatest ally, but finally, blessedly, Wyll ran toward the rogue and helped drag the ranger back over the edge.

“Make that the woman that downed three of house Baenre.” The brunette half-elf grumbled with a wry chuckle as she grasped the cold cobblestone. She heaved for a moment, eyes turning to assess the damage to her campmates. They were scattered about the room in various states of deterioration from the battle that had just ensued, but alive. The others were tending to their wounds, drinking healing potions, rearranging their weaponry... or in Shadowheart and Lae'zel's case, kissing passionately. The little bird turned to look at Astarion and gasped as she caught him breaking the shaft of the arrow before ripping it from his leg. "Astarion! You're wounded!"

Astarion winced as he cast the projectile aside before turning to snap at the woman. He couldn't help it -- the fear, fucking pain and frustration all rose to the surface the moment he heard her voice. "How good of you to notice, darling. Why yes, yes I am! I'll take that as a thank you for saving your life after you practically pitched yourself off a fucking cavern edge."

Wren reached her hand toward the vampire’s leg, and he nearly ripped away from her touch before feeling the subtle warmth of her healing spell. Then she grabbed her own arm, rubbing at the jagged burn marks that danced across her flesh; her quick attempt to heal the marks was unsuccessful. After a deep breath, the half-elf stood and turned her two-toned eyes back to the rogue, extending her hand to help him stand. “Thank you.”

Astarion had so many questions for her that he couldn’t ask in that moment, and so much anger that he couldn’t express, either. What in the hells had happened to her husband? Where in the hells had she even met a Drow? Why in the hells did she think pitching herself off a cavern edge would be the best choice when battling Minthara? How in the hells did any of that add up to get her where she was, standing before him, after nearly falling to her death? He sighed a frustrated huff and took her hand, shoving the questions into the back of his mind. “Alright then, little bird. Let’s finish what we started and get the hells out of his place.”

-----

Breaking Halsin from the cage was easy; Astarion had the lock undone with barely the flick of a wrist. The Druid was given a brief run down from the gang and was quick to join their cause. After that, a little bit of tactical planning went a long way to making the rest of the raid a breeze in comparison to the mishap with Minthara.

Days ago, Gale and Shadowheart worked in tandem to hide several vases of oil in the rafters above Dror Ragzlin’s throne room. A few well-placed arrows from Wren and Lae’zel sent the thick, slick liquid down in spiraling waterfalls around the hoard before anyone had a moment to catch on to the subterfuge. Two firebolts from Gale and Astarion, followed by several more vessels of oil thrown from the rest of the crew, and nearly the entire room and hoard went up in flames.

Dror and a few goblins were all that remained among the sweltering inferno, and Halsin quickly wildshaped into his bear form, charging toward the Hobogoblin with no intentions for mercy. Karlach, Lae'zel, and Wyll followed behind, heavily dosed on fire-resistance potions and intercepting any goblin stupid enough to join the thrall.

Wren and Astarion were on the periphery of the battle, focused on taking on any outlying stragglers; Shadowheart and Gale were nearby, focused on containing the fire itself. If anyone from the gang had an opportunity to watch the rogue and ranger in that moment, they would've witnessed a remarkable amount of coordination between the two as they were encircled by foes. It appeared as if they were locked in a dance where only they knew the steps; Wren ducked where Astarion swung, he dodged where she stabbed; an arrow was shot at every foe along the vampire's back just as a dagger was tossed at every goblin at the half-elf's. Each movement was fluid and instinctual, their bodies working in tandem; they were truly dancing in a burning room.

Before long, all of the goblins were felled and Dror Ragzlin's limp body expelled its last deep, dying breath before being violently shredded to ribbons by an unyielding cave bear. The gang watched in both horror and fascination as Halsin's wildshape form tore into the red flesh of their foe, none of them daring to inhibit the bear’s nature and succumb to heavy paws themselves. Finally, the fit of rage subsided, and the Druid returned to his elven form, panting, but with hardly a scratch on his person.

Halsin turned to face the gang, all focused on the mountain of a man as he gazed down at them with shockingly gentle eyes for someone that had just committed such obscene violence. "Pardon the viscera... but thank you all, truly, for your rescue."

The beat of silence spread too long across the group. Halsin was... an impressive creature, to be sure. Everyone stood in awe of his hulking frame, battle prowess, and quiet, commanding nature. It was Wren who spoke first, after a soft clearing from her throat. "I've heard great things about you, Archdruid Halsin. From your associates at the grove… and from my father."

Astarion's vermillion eyes snapped between the little bird and the mountain man in shock. She was regarding Halsin with no small amount of adoration; almost as if she were the Druid's biggest fan and meeting the celebrity, if you could call him that, for the first time. Yet another secret revealed at the most inopportune time, and something in his psyche prickled with... jealousy? Add Halsin to the list of men he couldn't compete with in Wren's eyes, just under her dead husband.

Halsin regarded the ranger with interest, his eyes scanning her face for a sign of familiarity in her features, trying to place her parentage. "What is your name, dear one?"

"Wren Yildirim, sir. Of the Styrmir nomads. My father, Draven Yildirim, traded with you and your grove, learned several medicinal recipes from you, and was lucky enough to receive aid from your own hands after a run in with a swarm of poisonous snakes almost a vicennial ago." Her tone was quiet, almost reverent. "You may not remember me. But I remember you. I was but a girl when you happened upon my injured father and our clan all those years ago."

The Archdruid's eyes softened with recognition as he placed a gentle, albeit massive, hand on the woman's shoulder. "Ah yes, I do remember you. And your father. Forgive me... I have lived many years, and it is impossible to recall every being I've met or have aided. But it is good to see you healthy and thriving, Wren. Your father spoke of you with great pride upon our meetings."

Astarion eyes crinkled with suspicion. What in the hells? All the revelations from today were giving him whiplash. Had they all been led to save Wren's Druid idol in some sort of twisted blood debt? All the bleeding hearts in the gang seemed on the verge of tears as the webs of this story wove around them -- Karlach, for one, was practically sobbing.

The vampire rolled his eyes, now thoroughly done with the entire affair and itching to get back to camp. Not to mention, the pain in his calf seared with renewed vigor as the numbing adrenaline of battle subsided. “Sorry to interrupt this… lovely reunion, but can we get the hells out of here now? There are surely a few more goblins waiting for us outside the temple and at this point I think the grove is waiting anxiously for our return. Best to not keep them waiting, hm?"

Everyone nodded in agreement and readied for the final phase of clearing out the fallen temple. Astarion had a million questions swirling in his head as he sliced through the last few foolish goblins that chose pride over flight. In the vampire's mind, he wondered if perhaps he were remaining blindly tethered to their little bird leader. Had he replaced Cazador with another master, much more subtle in her manipulations? Had he, for once, been the seduced rather than the seducer? Would he become just like the goblins that now fell before him... a useless, bloodied corpse, easily forgotten and replaced? Shouldn't he know by now; shouldn't he have learned by now not to trust anyone?

All the time Astarion spent with this woman left him with more questions than answers and he found himself more deeply wrapped into whatever web she wove around them all from his lack of planning and general impulsivity. The vampire resolved that when they returned to camp, that would have to change; he would need some answers, or he would be forced to leave and hope to make it to Baldur's Gate alone. Time was running out. Cazador was coming for him. The spell had been broken and he had to stop playing unwitting knight in someone else's story.

[hlvrvi]

A Helpful Blog Guide

(By yours truly, the Narrator)

If this seems familiar to you, you probably know about HLVRV. In fact, I was inspired by those daring Admins- I have found my own six candidates to help heal.

Consequently, there are no admins here. I am your main operator, narrator, and host. You may call me the Narrator. My signature color is yellow.

These candidates will be listed in order of how much help is needed, from least to most.

Protagonist No. 1

Classification: The Immortal

AU title: HLVR17776 (Half-Life VR but it's 17776)

Nickname: Madden

Name: Gordon M. Freeman

Signature color: Orange

Found predicament: In a strange universe where nobody dies, ages, or gets injured anymore, a job at Black Mesa would be considered a source of entertainment more than anything. Coincidentally, this version of Black Mesa also exists on the Moon, and defeating the big boss has knocked the whole Science Team into deep space. Though Madden here is kind of a control group, too much time alone will drive all of them insane. Definitely not the most pressing one.

Protagonist No. 2

Classification: The Artist

AU Title: HLVRSI (Half-Life VR but the Self-Insert is Self Aware)

Nickname: Ozzy

Name: Oswald Freeman

Signature color: Cyan

Found predicament: In this universe, on the day of the test, Gordon Freeman got sick, leading his niece to commit identity theft and sneak in on his behalf. Objectively, the ending turned out better than it originally was planned to- Ozzy got along quite well with all of the Science Team, even Benrey, but therein lies the rub- they're all trapped on Xen by G-man, who refuses to let them go until Benrey is defeated. Similar situation to Madden. Not the most pressing either.

Protagonist No. 3

Classification: The Objective

AU title: HLVROS (Half-Life VR but the Object Shows are Self Aware)

Nickname: Game

Name: Controlly Freeman

Signature color: Green

Found predicament: Intersecting universe between the Half-Life and Object Show multiverses. Controlly here is a mix of the original Controlly and Gordon; everyone in this universe is similar. Given that Controlly is much worse at anger management that canon Gordon was, and Gold Ingot is more annoying... things don't bode well. Currently stuck in a rut where he doesn't know why Gold Ingot hates him, and is stuck on Xen until he can beat him. Last of the least pressing protagonists.

Protagonist No. 4

Classification: The Rogue

AU title: HLVR-AISwap (Half-Life VR but the AI Role is Swapped)

Nickname: Hal

Name: Gordon Freeman

Signature color: Dark blue (there is no dark blue on Tumblr, sorry.)

Found predicament: This universe is also a sort of swapped one, though it's quite different from the previous Swap's. Here, Gordon is the only self-aware AI, and Benrey, Bubby, Coomer, Darnold, and Tommy are all players. Gordon doesn't believe he's being perceived as real, given that Benrey is trying to deny feelings for him, and Bubby never takes things seriously, so he is currently trapping everyone in the game and trying to force them to see him as real. Less urgent than the last two in the fact that he can't die, but he definitely needs help.

Protagonist No. 5

Classification: The Searcher

AU title: HLVRTL (Half-Life VR but the Time Loop is Self Aware)

Nickname: Joshie

Name: Joshua Freeman

Signature color: Purple

Found predicament: A complicated universe, set in a timeloop state. Gordon has run through Black Mesa a multitude of times, and in the same timeline that Benrey decides to lash back at Gordon and make him watch as Benrey destroys the timeline, Joshua decides to follow his father into the facility, worried at his tired state. Joshua went through most of Black Mesa running and hiding, only meeting the Science Team halfway, and now he faces his father being used as a puppet by a vengeful alien. Definitely going to need help with this one.

Protagonist No. 6

Classification: The Ego

AU title: HLVRYT (Half-Life VR but the YouTubers are Self Aware)

Nickname: Markiman, Freeman

Name: Mark I. Freeman

Signature color: Red

Found predicament: Universe where Markiplier made HLVRAI instead of Wayneradiotv. Interconnected with the Markiplier egos, where Darkiplier finds Freeman and decides he's worth trying to recruit to his cause. Unfortunately, that means he has been trying to do that by any means possible, and Mark is loyal to his team. Darkiplier takes control of G-man and replaces him, removes the Science Team, even Benrey, and makes G-man the final boss. Before he was grabbed, Mark was just about to give in, due to lost hope and being completely unable to beat G-man and Darkiplier on his own. Either do last or first. Urgent.

[vimbry-moved]

Moominpappa for the ask meme I want to hear hot takes

so! alright, I should really say that a lot of those squares are my thoughts on the mv19 incarnation in particular lol. I think the novel characterisation of pappa, more so in the later works, is certainly deep and definitely horrible at times, but I like him as a character. being a flawed person doesn't mean I find him uninteresting, he serves in the penultimate story as the central source of the conflict and he does it well.

but if we're talking throwing every pappa into the pot at once, uh.

also this got lengthy. I mean LENGHTY lmao idk why pappa inspired so much analysis but! here we go (there’s a tl;dr at the end)

basically, as much as I don't really want to make any arrogant assumptions about the writers behind that adaptation, because all sorts of creative differences could’ve arisen during production, in execution their version of pappa shows what seems to be a very weak understanding of his character in the books. mainly with the "island/at sea" arc. it's known that a lot of his traits were influenced by tove's own very bigoted, misogynistic, right-leaning - and by some accounts, unsurprisingly abusive - father. like the rest of her writing, he's not a 1:1 copy of people in her life, and she herself had mixed views on him as most people with deeply difficult parents do, so he's ofc portrayed as a far more sympathetic person than his inspiration.

but there's still elements of him being the forceful patriarch who, in their last appearance in the series, uproots his family out of selfishness and disregard for their own wants and needs as individuals. he thinks finding and maintaining this island will fill an empty part of him, be his purpose. he’s almost driven mad with how his self-appointed duty consumes him and comes to believe the island is alive, something taunting him that needs to be tamed, and through his growing ego is convinced that he can. throughout the book he belittles and almost alienates himself from his family, ignoring their own problems that have developed since living on the island, because he’s too wrapped up in his own opinions and vision. and while he hasn’t fully turned over a new leaf by the end, he does come to his senses somewhat, and his behaviour is at least treated contemptuously enough by the text that you understand his actions are always framed critically. (the tone, at least to me, sort of implies that altho it’d stated that he and mamma understand how to compromise, something in their relationship has irreversibly changed. sorta up to you as a reader how you take it I suppose!)

(seriously everyone who hasn’t yet READ this one it’s so good, it’s not just focused on pappa, mamma and moomin, and of course the fisherman, have their conflicts too).

whoever signed off on mv19!pappa seems to have "wow cool robot!”’d their way through the book(s). none of that depth is present there. instead, he's just a guy going through your standard mid-life crisis plot. he’s a buffoon with anger issues who got this idea about playing lighthouse keeper, and to me, that’s not as deep as they might’ve thought it was lmao. they do have the characters clash with him at points, but they never really fully commit to how damaging his actions are supposed to be, and he’s forgiven far too easily without even having had to develop as a character. pretty much every negative thing he does, he does in the book, too. with a fun mv19-exclusive moment where the family, rather than the mixture of concerned, frustrated, or mentally checked out they are with pappa/his goals in the book, are actively Afraid and flinchy around him. but because this is a condensed, watered down cartoon adaptation for small children (insultingly so imo, kids deserve better), they have to explicitly redeem him by the end, which is brought on by nothing more than him being self-deprecating and saying he doesn’t deserve his wife’s love, after never once apologising for his behaviour. he’s right, he doesn’t, get in the bin.

the rest of his characterisation throughout the show is similarly weak, but then everyone seems to have gone through the same process of flanderization. he doesn’t ever care about his son beyond seeing him as an extension of himself, he doesn’t treat mamma well except for when the writers throw in a shallow horny flirt in the place of actual chemistry, and none of this is really treated as a problem. and because we’ve yet to see “memoirs” adapted, the only other story where he’s the main focus, there aren’t enough postives to make him at least the slightest bit endearing to me. just a lot of stories where they rehash him being some boring, brash dude full of hot air who needs to learn a lesson about respecting his family and never does. this wouldn’t be problem if these flaws were treated as what they are, but the show’s incongruous tone presents these more as lovable comedic quirks. we’re told he’s supposed to be a good father to moomin and a likeable character, but nothing in the text ever backs that up. they basically just recreated a sanitised version of the actual viktor jansson without any awareness that they did.

anyway, going back to novel pappa - while there’s no explicit mention of any war in the books, the impact of both world wars is baked into the general world of the moomins. tove’s life was affected by her father’s experience fighting in the finnish civil war, and the very first story was being written during the final years of wwII. both this and “comet” function as a not-so-subtle allegory of the trauma and upheaval it caused. I’ve mentioned this many times before haha but it bears repeating, I think the mention of pappa disappearing before the events of “great flood” while travelling with the hattifatteners, a group of mindless wandering creatures who “tricked him” into going with them, is about the families who lost their men to war, spurred on by their governments’ propaganda to demonsrate their loyalty to their nations, to explore and fight alongside their friends. this deeper subtext of his character never really turns up again outside of a slight reworking in “tales”, not even in memoirs, but I do think shades of it are evident in his troubled personality in “island/at sea”. (it’s also noted that tove’s father was.. difficult after his time at war, and had quite a temper. I think the same influences can be seen in a lot of fictional fathers around these generations).

also '90s pappa tried to invent the dishwasher for mamma's birthday to make her life easier, and then helped plant a field of flowers in her image when he wasn’t able to, so you know he's done nothing wrong in his life ever

tl;dr uh book!pappa is a deceptively simple father figure on the surface with an interesting subtext and inspiration behind him which actually deconstructs the image of the powerful patriarch who got absolutely bungled in the new cartoon and I don’t like him there.

[divinaes-bookofsecrets]

Private. Hello there I would like a spirit guide reading please -Rochelle (RS) ♉️

Hello 👋hi 👋 (🌺Rs)Rochelle are you a 🐂 ♉?

Really ... if I guessed you correctly you are Taurus in your natal birth chart (I am an aspiring astrologist and zlso do in-depth Astrology Reports based off of your natal birth charting so please do nog hesitate to ask for That next !

Your SpiritGuide is Cressida

💎🦋Galactic-Arctic Fox🦋💎

She is a mystical interterrestrial being from a galaxy through another realm not too far away but just out of reach !

Cressida has been with you since 2018 and should remain by your side as a companion, spiritual guardian 🙏 ✨ and your synchronicity lessons for the rest of your life.

Why is Cressida with me and trying to help or heal my situation and past situations or for future situations anyways? Well.. heres an in depth description of what this particular animal spirit totem means ..

Whats Cressida doing? How can I place her in my life and recognize her?

🦋Whether the White Arctic Fox appears in dreams, visions, waking life or synchronicities, it is a sign and message that you are to keep going, amid the test of your nature and character. Some powerful forces are working on your behalf to sort things out in a favorable outcome or way soon. Whatever you may be going through will soon pass. These tests and trials have made you stronger, and giving in is for the weak. You should realize how far you have come. You will be arriving to a place of rest and completeness soon. 🦋The Arctic Fox is a sign to trust yourself, above trusting anything or one outside of you. At least for the purpose of clarity. IN other words, it is time to pause, breathe, and receive insights from your oversoul or higher self. As a seeker of truth, you cannot allow someone or something else to dilute what you sense. Take time out to refuel so that you can come from a place of neutrality.🦋 You will need to be stubborn in a forthcoming opportunity and trust your instincts. Even if you collaborate with others, or cooperate with them, you must keep your eyes open as no one can look out for you the way that you can for yourself. In other words, watch your own back. Don’t give that responsibility entirely to others.🦋 The Arctic Fox teaches us that, we are only beings and we are all doing things to survive. Your trust is only owed to a higher source. You can cooperate with others, but the key is to look out for yourself always. Don’t just expect others to put you first. 🦋Always follow up, and if possible do things yourself when it comes to projects that require your creativity. The White Arctic Fox is a message that you want others to be better than what they are showing you. In other words, you are looking at the aspect of how a person can be and not what or who they truly are. If you are a part of a group of people who are being intentionally deceptive, it is best to clear up your acts now rather than later. 🦋The Arctic White Fox is about seeing beyond what we are shown, and hearing beyond what we are told. Your psychic senses will be heightened at this time.💎 Pay attention to what is being revealed. 🧿

⚠️This message isn't, obviously resonant with all whose paths it crosses, as perhaps you may come into contact with someone of this vernacular, mastery or skill. Therefore, it is a sign from the universe that you're meant to work with such a person.��⚠️

🦋What does She look like? 🥀

Her fur is multidimensional and is actually the softest known material other than silk in this universe and all other universes including hidden realms..

Since she is a Galactic Arctic Fox you'll expect to see that she looks rather like a regular Arctic White Fox from our home planet Earth🌍But has different highlights and dimensions to her skin and her fur body. She has *fur tattoos* which are blue-- they represent the Element Water(do you have a lot of water 💧in your natal birth charting , I suspect you do 😉 )Her fur tattoos are like a war paint that was branded onto her when she became fully mature and with the seasons her other markings show up - each season - has a different shade of white to blue hue or even teal like transference that takes place , its quite magickal to see.

What is Cressida's personality like?

🦋Cressida has a strong, but warm and gentle but also courageous and brave personality and soul as a Galzctic Arctic Fox 💙 ❤ 💖 She conducts herself with a sense if integrity in every situation(no matter what!) 🦋Integrity is a personal trait that has strong moral principles and core values and then conducting your life with those as your guide.🦋 She has a lot of compassion for all of humanity but especially you (Rs) ♉ This character traits example feels deep sympathy and pity for the suffering and misfortune of others, and you have a desire to do something to alleviate their suffering..She sees that you may be suffering maybe and has messages for you just about to come up .. old on we need to finish her character profile (bio)

🦋Cressida is an honest Galactic fox just as much of them are but there are more certainly the few bunches who are so mischievous that they are notdared to be messed with (worse than the worst fae)

🦋She has strong reliability. This SpiritGuidr's character quality can be consistently depended upon to follow through on your/her commitments, actions, and decisions. She does what she says you she will do.🥀🌍(88% of the time)

😷She hopes you wear a mask because she is very worried and concerned about your welfare during this coronairus. Please don't fall asleep 😴 🙏 😫 😪 😩 😭yet 😴you'll miss her message for you... im going to stop talking zbout her personality there id so much lol.

What is my SpiritGuide messages?

Cressida has a numerology message she has been sending you many other synchronicity but she asks that you pay attention next for the number # 536 if you haven't seen it by now already...

WHATS IT MEAN ANYWAYS?

Number 536 is a blend of the energies and attributes of number 5 and number 3, and the vibrations of number 6. Number 5 resonates with major life changes, making important choices and decisions, promotion and advancements, adaptability and versatility, personal freedom and individuality, life lessons learned through experience and resourcefulness. Number 3 offers assistance and encouragement, communication and enthusiasm, growth, expansion and the principles of increase, broad-minded thinking, self-expression, talent and skills. Number 3 also resonates with the energies of the Ascended Masters. Number 6 relates to love of home, family and domesticity, honesty and integrity, responsibility, compassion and empathy, finding solutions, grace and gratitude, the ability to compromise, emotional depth, provision and providing and the material aspects of life.

Angel Number 536 brings a message from your angels to maintain a positive attitude in regards to your monetary and financial circumstances as changes are taking place that will ensure that your material and monetary needs are met. Your positive affirmations, prayers and optimistic outlook have manifested opportunities to attract prosperity and abundance into your life. Trust that your Spirit Guide(s) especially Cressida.. will surround, support and guide you through these important changes.

Number 536 is a message to trust that the changes you may be going through are happening for your highest good. These changes may involve your career choices, your place of residence and/or an important relationship. Your angels support you through these changes and offer guidance and assistance to make transitions easier. Trust that these changes will have positive effects on your life and will ensure a continued supply of abundance to meet your daily wants and needs.

Number 536 encourages you to move forward with positive plans and ideas as they will prove to be most beneficial in all ways for yourself and your loved ones. 

Spiritual Messages...

Cressida wants you to be inspired, creative and most of all live out your destiny!!

🙏 Please take this advice seriously! You need to think about:

Surrounding yourself with people who reflect the character traits you want to embrace.

🦋They will inspire and motivate you to build these traits in yourself.

🦋Try to avoid people who have a weak character and make bad decisions.

🦋When you live your life being true to yourself and honest with others you manifest positive energies and desired results and outcomes. Speak your truths with gentleness and love and accept others with grace and understanding.

Monthly Message from your Spirit Guide ✨ 💛 ❤ 💖

A creak you hear in the dark could be the settling of an old house, or it could be a burglar creeping on the stairs. Loud voices you hear coming in through the windows could be your neighbors arguing, or it could be those same neighbors sharing good news. The lamp going out on your nightstand could be a sign that electricity has shut down, or it could mean you need a new bulb. There is often more than one way to interpret something, and usually there's nothing to worry about. Remember that today, Taurus, if you are tempted to follow worrisome thoughts. It's more likely there's nothing to worry about.

🦋🌍🦋

This is a great week(jan 11th to jan 17th) for you to finally finish one or two of those big projects you put on hold a while back. You may have thought you would never be able to get to them, but if you actually put this into your schedule and get started, you should see that it will all fall into place, and you'll get everything else done that needs to be done. This is also an ideal time to complete important conversations that were left dangling, maybe because there was no answer at the time, or because someone was being elusive about responding. You should find it easier now to get answers and receive honest reactions. Crossing all of these things off your long list will give you a great sense of satisfaction. You may even find that because of this efficiency, you will be inspired by a new idea that allows you to tap into a talent you have not used lately, and that would be a great idea. You have been very assertive in trying to attract an investor, team member, or partner for some project you want to take on. However, you are advised now to take a wait-and-see approach and be patient. What you need will materialize if you kick back a bit and let it come to you.

Thank you for meeting your Spirit Guide!! If you have any questions, concerns, or additional specific questions to ask your Spirit Guide you can always Astral travel and speak to her directly but; if you prefer that I take another independent in depth dive into your world I will 🌍🦋 🌎 I will answer up to 2 questions per ask Thanks for allowing this experience to take place, please 🙏

🦋Like && Share this post 📫 ✨

Much Love😍 ❤ Divinae

[phantastus]

Is there any symbolism behind the bird scientific names tags representing Silent Hill characters? Like, did you pick them for any particular reasons? 👀

Oh man, well, I guess I never went into detail about them anywhere. They definitely were picked for a reason but the reason is related to a currently-unwritten fanfic and literally who knows when that’s going to happen (Gravity needs to get finished first and who knows when that’s going to happen :’]), so I might as well try and do it now.

When I was in college I started coming up with concepts and symbolism for a fic project and because I’m obsessed with birds all of it involved birds and the title of the fic was appropriately “Four and Twenty Blackbirds”, with the ‘four’ specifically referring to Harry, James, Heather, and Henry (because they were the main characters). Each of them had a different ‘blackbird’ species representing them. 

So when I decided to make separate aesthetic/inspo tags for individual characters (I already have a #silent feels tag for general SH inspiration, but I am crazy and it was NOT CONVOLUTED ENOUGH FOR ME), I decided to use the scientific bird names since it was conveniently already cemented in my brain. THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY, VERY LONG SO I’M PUTTING IT UNDER A READMORE. Click for pretentious Silent Hill fan analysis.

HARRY MASON | CORVUS BRACHYRYNCHOS (American Crow)

Harry Mason is the “”generic”” all-American protagonist who rises to a heroic status pretty much out of sheer determination and a commitment to his loved one. He’s not an unusual person, in fact he’s deceptively normal-- so the American crow felt right for him since they’re so common. You see them so often you don’t even think about them, but they’re smart, resourceful, and resilient survivors (something that especially comes into play with Harry post-SH1 when he’s eluding the Order). Harry is underestimated because of his normalcy but he’s capable of incredible things.

Also crows (and other corvids) have deep, almost humanlike family bonds between parents and offspring. They’ll maintain relationships even after the babies grow up and become fully self-sufficient, with the adult children regularly visiting their parents and socializing or helping to take care of younger siblings.

In the context of the fic Harry’s symbolic/prophetic connection to such a common “pest” species is sort of a derogatory assignment on the part of the Order/the town, as he’s seen as a heretic troublemaker (CULTS HATE HIM!! LOCAL MAN STEALS MESSIAH AND THWARTS FATE WITH ONE COOL TRICK!)

JAMES SUNDERLAND | CORVUS CORAX (Common Raven)

Ravens are like the most symbolic corvid, every gothic poet/novelist/artist and their grandma used them to represent death, grief and malaise, and James’s story is nothing if not filled with all three of those things. I mean, come on:    “By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—    Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,    It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore— Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”            Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.” -Edgar Allen Poe, u know where it’s from.

Also in college, I got very interested in the myth “Raven Steals the Sun”, which has a number of different variations (it’s a story shared across multiple First Nations peoples of the Pacific Northwest and Alaska, there’s no one clear origin-- you can read about a couple of versions here!) but most involve the titular Raven delivering the Sun to the world after stealing or freeing it from a dark place where it was kept. Depending on the version, Raven's motives can either be purely selfish or more benevolent, and sometimes starts the story as a pure white bird who is stained black with soot in the act of taking the Sun. The duality of Raven’s intentions as well as the theme of light/warmth being hidden in darkness until it’s brought out felt fitting for a character whose motivations are complex and left a little ambiguous in canon (James grapples with whether his own act was purely selfish or one of love/mercy) AND someone who is naturally warm and caring but slipped behind a cold, dark wall of depression and self-isolation. The theme of being permanently marked/transformed by an act, whether for good or for bad, felt fitting too.

(Obligatory Disclaimer That My (Very White) Personal Interpretation Should Not Remotely Be Considered An Authentic Take On The Myth And Is Not Intended To Be Appropriation. For fic purposes the story would only have come up as an interesting symbolic parallel/running motif among many others, not a Literal Connection. James is a clueless white dude and Silent Hill doesn’t even take place on the west coast.)

“BUT WAIT! Doesn’t stealing the sun from a malevolent party and freeing it sound sort of like Harry rescuing Alessa/Cheryl/Heather??” Yes, this was going to be a source of in-character confusion and a surprise twist when it turns out they got their birds mixed up. Blah blah nothing is as it seems and destiny is mutable.

One time while I was walking on a foggy beach I got followed around by an enormous raven who was just sort of waddle-hopping after me looking forlorn and scruffy and the experience stuck with me and now all these years later my enormous galaxy brain is just like “That was Big James Energy”.

Wow that was long, I’m sorry.

HENRY TOWNSHEND | CORVUS FRUGILEGUS (Rook)

The most obvious symbolism is probably the chess piece with the same name-- that felt fitting for Henry since he’s probably the protagonist who has to do the most strategizing. Between his limited inventory and his progressively-more-cursed apartment and escorting Eileen and his five billion trips across multiple fractured Otherworlds, my poor guy has a lot to mentally keep track of. In the fic, he was going to wind up being the one to keep track of all the weird complicated bullshit items and rituals they had to complete to get through the Otherworld.

The rook chess piece also resembles a castle, and unlike the other protagonists whose stories progress in a linear fashion, Henry operates from/returns to his home base shitty cursed apartment.

BUT ONTO THE BIRD the rook is a corvid like the crow and the raven, and shares their pest/death omen status in popular culture. Just appropriate for SH protags in general since they keep getting in the way of the cult’s business and also misfortune follows them.

In the SH3 Crematorium Puzzle (I’ll talk more about that in Heather’s section), there is a poem:    "The black Rook is the praying sort    Who hears the gods in the skies    His whispered petitions go on without end    And glassy and dim are his eyes" Obviously this does NOT describe Henry as a person, but it IS eerily reminiscent of the title that was thrust upon him: Receiver. Maybe if Walter’s plans had succeeded, this is how Henry would have ended up.

There is also an old belief that if rooks abandon an established “rookery” (place where they regularly roost), it’s a sign of calamity to follow. If Henry the Certified Homebody (tm) bursts out of the apartment complex and goes staggering down the street, you should get out of that apartment complex.

HEATHER MASON | AGELAIUS PHOENICEUS (Red-Winged Blackbird)

Oh boy this one’s probably the weirdest but here we go.

The first obvious thing is that unlike the other three, the red-winged blackbird is not actually a corvid (it’s from the Icteridae family, not the Corvidae family). In-universe, this was supposed to represent Heather being inherently different from the rest (like... she basically is an iteration of the Silent Hill deity), even if she seems to be a normal human. Harry’s act of stealing her from the Order and changing her appearance/name to hide her was going to be depicted as “dousing Her in black ink, but [the ink] not able to fully conceal Her radiance”. The red and gold shoulders of the blackbird visually symbolize her “””true nature””” peeking out.

I also associate her specifically with the MALE red-winged blackbird (the female looks completely different, hooray sexual dimorphism) because gender is a fuck and Heather understandably has some really intense and complicated issues with womanhood/femininity. One of my favorite aspects of her as a character is how she blurs the line between masculine and feminine, especially since she’s been through so much... extremely gendered violence, to put it lightly. Heather Mason says FUCK YOUR GENDER BINARY.

As a fun side-note, Heather is also represented (or appears to be, ymmv) by a bird in canon! The SH3 Crematorium puzzle (on hard mode) features a series of poems each about birds, and each one represents a character if you squint. Heather seems to be referenced in this one:     "The Wren, with pure heart as yet unrefined     Makes us laugh with his feeble lip-smacking     But still we all know he shall never grow old     And he knows not how much he is lacking." Heather’s role as a brash, foolhardy youth who talks tough to cope is pretty blatantly summed up in there, as is the fact that she’s... functionally immortal and keeps fucking reincarnating. The wren, a plucky little bird, is perfect for her. The part of the main riddle that references the wren is also... ominously on the nose, given Heather’s backstory:     "Burn the one who knows no death     Pure, adored by those above     No prayers within, just simple love.”

YET ANOTHER CREMATORIUM POEM could be construed as representing the town’s God (or the spiritual force of the land, w/e), damaged/corrupted/turned malevolent by All The Bullshit:     "The Kite, hot, crazy, and panting mad     Sweet shackles that tease and excite     Death itself would drive him wild     Red blood that turns milky white"  Heather is a pure-hearted protagonist in one sense, but there’s plenty of not-so-subtle hints to a bloodlust and desire for violence just waiting to break free (ESPECIALLY when Heather does certain things that could be considered taking on the role of God). So to me the Kite is what happens when Heather gets sick of being nice and decides to go apeshit.

“BUT WAIT what does this have to do with the red-winged blackbird?” The inherent trinity of Heather’s character (Alessa/Cheryl/Heather, the Mother of God/Daughter of God/God Herself) deserves a bird trinity too. I’M GREEDY, I WANT *ALL* THE BIRD METAPHORS!

Red-winged blackbirds are bold little shits who will straight up harass birds of prey. Kind of like Heather does to God.

The fact that “phoeniceus” was part of the scientific name was a VERY delightful coincidence-- but I’m not complaining about how satisfying I found it that my Bird Choice (tm) inadvertently connects her to the concept of the phoenix, poster child of pyrogenesis.

That was even longer than James’, I’m so sorry.

SO THAT’S THE META BEHIND THOSE CHOICES FOR THE FOUR MAIN CHARACTERS. If you’re still interested after all that BS, I can write up another (probably much shorter) post for the other characters. Thanks for the ask!

[fuwuitgummy]

Jungian Character Archetypes

[ALT TEXT: the Innocent: Judy Garland as Dorothy Gale, the Wizard of Oz | the Sage: Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi, the Karate Kid | the Explorer: Jamie Chung as Mulan, Once Upon a Time | the Outlaw: Antonio Banderas as Alejandro Murrieta, the Mask of Zorro | the Magician: Christopher Lee as Saruman the White, Lord of the Rings | the Hero: Sandra Oh as Eve Polastri, Killing Eve | the Lover: Orlando Bloom and Condola Rashad as Romeo and Juliet, Romeo and Juliet | the Jester: Tigger, Winnie the Pooh | the Everyman: Lilo Pelekai, Lilo and Stitch | the Caregiver: Katara, Avatar: the Last Airbender | the Ruler: Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn II Elessar, Lord of the Rings | the Artist: Tiana, the Princess and the Frog]

Jung’s character archetypes are sorted into four major categories: ego, self, and soul.

The ego archetypes consist of the Innocent, the Hero, the Everyman, and the Caregiver.

The Innocent desires happiness above all else. Their optimism is nonpareil, oftentimes to the point of naivety. They are sincere and sympathetic, and can be one of the most inspirational and convincing archetypes. Their strengths lie in their optimism and imagination, as do their weaknesses. They often lead a sheltered life, and opt to ignore harsh realities in favor of their idealistic fantasy world. They rely heavily on others for protection, whether they realize it or not.

Oftentimes forced into action, the Hero wants to prove their worth and return home triumphant. They are determined and perseverant, but are easily dragged into an endless cycle of impossible task after impossible task by their love of victory. Their character faults include hubris, apathy, and rejecting help. If they give into their flaws, they can become the ruthless villain.

The Everyman seeks connection and meaningful relationships, and longs for security and acceptance. They often have a traumatic or troubled past that has forced them to grow up too quickly and/or adopt a pessimistic worldview. They are down-to-earth and empathetic, with a good work ethic. Their flaws include self-pity, trust issues, and being overly desperate to please others.

The Caregiver is fulfilled by taking care of others. They are compassionate, generous, and dedicated, and they work to keep the people they love from being hurt. They are prone to martyrdom and being taken advantage of, and can become bitter when the latter of the two occurs. They often demand acknowledgement of the sacrifices they make, and are prone to guilt tripping those who don’t.

The self archetypes consist of the Sage, the Magician, the Jester, and the Ruler.

The Sage desires knowledge. They seek to understand the world through an analytical lens, and prefer to think with their head over their heart. They often believe that the only meaningful life path is that spent in pursuit of the truth, and one of their greatest fears is personal truth based on falsehood. They are not easily corruptible and are more open to other perspectives than the other archetypes. They can be overly cruel or critical towards those less enlightened than them.

The Magician is not overly concerned with the affairs of those they deem less than them. Their interests lie with the cosmic truth, and accumulation of power. They prefer to fight from a distance due to a strong sense of self-preservation, functioning as the chess-master of a game, and they will often decline to inform the pieces that the game even exists. They are rigid and unyielding, and often seen as dishonest, manipulative, and a coward.

The Jester is comfortable with the hypocrisy of the world, and uses humor to illuminate it. They do not seek to solve the problem of the story. They excel at lightening up the situation, but can be uncomfortable or facetious in situations where humor is inappropriate. They don’t make plans for the future, and can have an extreme lack of impulse control.

The Ruler is at the top of the food chain. They are often ineffective or overly controlling, but always concerned with maintaining their power and generating wealth and prosperity. Their greatest fear is being overthrown; they often are doing what they believe to be right, but are almost never universally loved by the people they reign over. If they succumb to their darker impulses, they are the most dangerous of the archetypes due to their absolute power.

The soul archetypes are the Explorer, the Outlaw, the Lover, and the Artist.

The Explorer, unlike the hero, needs no inciting incident to seek out adventure. They are motivated by independence and ungained knowledge, and their worst nightmare is conformity. They are self-sufficient, sometimes to the point of becoming a misfit. Their goals are often impossible to reach, and they can become aimless wanderers or thrill-seekers.

The Outlaw lives for revolution. They desire to make the world a better place, and are often motivated by a desire for revenge. They are independent and radical, and often stubborn beyond belief. It is not uncommon for them to turn the other cheek to the collateral damage caused by their vigilante efforts and lose their sense of morality. They often alienate their family and friends.

The Lover is most concerned with the creation of lasting, meaningful relationships. Often optimistic, they wear their heart on their sleeve and are terrified of being alone. Their goals are often ridiculously specific, and failing to achieve them can leave them so broken-hearted that they never recover. They risk losing their self-identity in order to please the person they love, and can grow bitter in their failures. They can have commitment problems, and objectify the recipient of their desire.

The Artist, also known as the Creator, has imagination without limits and is often shown as ahead of their time. Mediocrity is their worst fear, and they crave authenticity and uniqueness. They make enemies easily within their chosen field. They can be unorganized, and sometimes abandon morality in the pursuit of their craft. Because of their abilities, they have the tendency to play god and allow the end to justify the means. Many villains had their start as an enthusiastic and impulsive Artist.

source: arielhudnall.com

[gaylotusthatexists]

Sacary Village (2)

pairings: brotherly analogical and creativitwins, eventual romantic moceit, parental anxceit/loceit

summary: Logan and Virgil spend their first full day in their new town, and join forces with the town's self proclaimed 'monster hunters', the Prince twins. 

trigger warnings: knife mention, discussion of past death, implied past bad family relations

word count: 9172

taglist: @boopiskoop @shootingcookielover @vindicatedvirgil

a/n: hey! this is part two for my vaguely-gravity-falls-inspired-but-not-quite-au. you don't need to read the first part if you don't want to b u t i would recommend it simply for this to make more sense haha. anyway this chapter was a lot of fun for me and would have had it posted like a week ago but ran out of time and then was offline all week, but here we are now! hope y'all enjoy~

ao3 

monster hunters

When Virgil woke up the next morning, there was a brief panic as he tried to figure out where he was, why he was in such an unfamiliar bedroom, until he remember the move. Right, of course - he was with Janus now, in some sort of attic bedroom, sunlight seeping in through a large, circular window and Logan sat up in bed on the other side of the room, flicking through the pages of some encyclopaedia. Virgil slowly sat up as well, looking around the room with a tired expression.

"Ah, Virgil," Logan asked, shutting his book tight. "Good morning."

Virgil blinked. "How long have you been awake?"

"I'm not sure," Logan said. "An hour, maybe?" 

"Oh."

Logan stood up and made his way over to Virgil's bed, sitting down on top and opening up his arms. Smiling, Virgil sank into him, allowing Logan to hug him tightly. It was a routine of theirs that they'd quickly gotten used to over the past year and a half, a silent reminder every day that, even if the world wasn't offering anything else, they still had each other. Logan was alive, and well, and right here besides him, and things would be okay.

"I didn't dream up yesterday, right?" Logan checked, glancing down at Virgil.

Virgil blinked, confused for a moment, before his eyes widened. Oh. He'd forgotten about that. A dragon, in the forest. What the hell had that been about? "Kinda hope that we did, honestly," Virgil said. "I mean... a dragon?"

"Yeah." Logan hummed. "Janus said he'd explain everything, right?"

"Yup." Virgil wiggled away from Logan, moving closer to the wall. Sensing that Virgil was done with physical contact for the morning, Logan stood up, moving back towards his bed. "I... don't know what to think about Janus."

"I know, Virgil," Logan said, "but we'll be fine. He hasn't tried to hurt us, correct?"

"I mean, yeah, so far."

"He saved us yesterday," Logan reminded him.

"He didn't know it was us then," Virgil said. "How did he even know the dragon was there? What was he doing in the cave?"

"He'll explain everything later."

"He better explain." Virgil looked around the room, eyes landing on the window. "Window looks big enough for us to climb out. It's not to late to pick up my running away plan, is it?"

Logan sighed. "We're not running away, Virgil."

He stood up, heading towards his suitcase and pulling out some clothes. Virgil turned his head as Logan got changed, before the two switched places and Virgil got changed as well. Another routine they'd settled into, changing in one another's presence for fear of being left alone. Logan always refused to leave Virgil's side, and Virgil was grateful for that.

"I'd like to go into town today," Logan decided, as the two made their way to the bathroom just down the hall, which Janus has showed them last night. "Buy a notebook of sorts, to record information about that dragon we saw and any other things we end up seeing."

Virgil frowned. "What, you want to go seeking out all the weird shit again?"

"Well, I believe it will be interesting," Logan claimed. "I'm not asking you to come with me."

Virgil would have come anyway, and Logan knew that. He also knew there was no way in hell that Virgil would want to seek out danger. "Logan, I don't think-"

"We'll be fine," Logan said. "I just want to go back and get a drawing of it. After that, I don't mind if we don't go looking for other things. But if we do happen to come across something-"

"We will run in the opposite direction-"

"I will want to attempt to understand it," Logan corrected. He began to brush his teeth, which Virgil copied a few seconds later. Virgil didn't feel like arguing anymore, but knew that if Logan did go back out there, Virgil would attempt to stop him. He was fairly certain that Logan knew that too.

Once the two had finished with their quick wash, they headed downstairs, hearing footsteps wandering around. Before entering the kitchen, to the source of the footsteps, Virgil and Logan looked at each other, Logan silently communicating to Virgil that it would be fine. Although they hadn't had much time to talk to Janus the night before, after arriving home late from Patton's, he had told them that they were welcome to come downstairs into the kitchen whenever they were ready.

Logan entered the kitchen first, with Virgil following tentatively behind. He wasn't sure what time it was - was it too early for them to be awake? What if he had imagined last nights conversation and were actually meant to wait to be collected from their room, like a few other places that the brothers had stayed in? What if Janus already hated them and wanted them gone?

Virgil's fears quickly faded, though, when he saw Janus' face brighten up upon seeing the two brothers.

"Logan, Virgil, good morning," he greeted. "I trust you had a good sleep?"

Logan nodded, smiling politely at Janus. "Yes, thank you. It's a lovely room." He took a seat at the table as Janus sat down himself. Virgil still hovered in the doorway, assessing the situation.

"It's just an attic," Janus said. "If all goes well and you two can stay here permanently, we can decorate it properly."

Virgil frowned. "Permanently?" he repeated, stepping further into the room.

Janus blinked. "Yes? I thought you knew that by taking you in I was intending to adopt?"

Logan glanced at Virgil, then back at Janus. "We weren't told. It's very... considerate of you, though. Although, fair warning, every other place we've stayed in has had... difficulties."

"I'm well aware," Janus confirmed, straightening his posture and motioning for Virgil to sit down. Although still a little hesitant, Virgil complied. "What separates me from the rest of them, though, is that I am your uncle, and I only want what's best for both of you. I know you two have been through... a lot, recently, and I have every intention to make sure that you are now safe."

Virgil wasn't sure what to make of that. It seemed almost too good to be true. And he didn't trust Janus, not one bit. "If you're our uncle," he said, "how come we've never heard of you before?" That question had been plaguing his mind since he'd been informed of him moving in with Janus, and still set off all sorts of warnings.

"My brother - well, your father and I, we... well, we haven't talked in a while, to say the least."

"Well, yeah, he's been dead for a year and a half," Virgil said, jokingly, although immediately regretted it afterwards as he saw the sort of sad expression on Janus' face. "Sorry," he mumbled after. "Just- you weren't even at the funeral."

Janus gulped. "I know. I- I wanted to be there," he said. "Or would have wanted to be there, if I'd known. I hadn't spoken to him for years before. Or the rest of our family. It's only recently that I heard of his passing. And I'm- I'm dreadfully sorry, Virgil, Logan. I can't- I can't imagine what it must be like."

Virgil raised an eyebrow at that last statement, but didn't say anything else. After a few more moments of silence, Janus stood up and made his way over to the side, before returning a few seconds later with a plate of pancakes.

"Breakfast," he said. "No more talk of death for now. We can talk more about it another time, okay?"

Virgil shrugged. "Alright." After Janus handed him a clean plate, he grabbed a pancake from the centre of the table and began to eat.

After a few moments of silence, Janus spoke again, "So, since you two are getting settled in, we should probably talk ground rules."

Virgil paused eating for a moment, trying not to show how nervous that made him. It was expected, he supposed, but previous places he'd lived in had been pretty ridiculous, and he didn't want to end up somewhere where everything he did was controlled again. He glanced over at Logan, who just stared at Janus intently. Logan had always been a stickler for the rules, he was probably excited to hear them.

"In all honesty, I don't really care what you two do," Janus began, causing both Virgil and Logan to frown. What did that mean? "You're free to come in and out of the house as you please, all rooms here are open, including my bedroom as long as I'm not sleeping - unless it's an emergency, of course - apart from the shed in the garden. That's my space, and I'd rather you two not poke your head around. Even if you see weird lights coming from inside." He paused. "Especially if you see weird lights coming from inside."

There was a long silence, before Logan quietly said, "Anything else?"

Janus shrugged. "I mean, you're both teenagers, I assume you know how to take care of yourselves. If you need any money, just ask, although obviously I'll be hesitant if it's a ridiculous amount. You can have whatever food we have in, or buy your own if you'd prefer. I'll make breakfast and dinner anyway, and lunch if you need it. Patton across the road will be more than willing to provide that as well. Speaking of, feel free to go to Patton's whenever, he's an alright guy, his kids come round here all the time."

"So you... really just don't care what we do?" Virgil asked. "Like, we can just do... whatever?"

"Well, sure." Janus hummed. "I mean, I'd advice against you taking drugs or committing any serious crimes, and obviously I'd like you to do fairly well at school - let me know if there are any problems with school, by the way, I won't be angry if you're struggling. You still have until next week before school starts, though."

Huh. Even their parents had been more strict than this. This was... This was weird.

"I believe that covers it all. I won't give you a curfew, but if you're going to be home super late, or if you're staying at some other house, let me know." Janus smiled. "I want you two to be comfortable here, okay? If you ever need anything, you can tell me."

Another silence. Virgil continued eating, eyes flickering up to Janus every few seconds.

"So," Logan eventually said, "can we talk about yesterday yet?"

Janus' eyes widened. "Yesterday?" he repeated.

"Yes?" Logan said, tilting his head. "The dragon, remember?"

There was a pause, and then laughter. "Dragon? Don't be silly."

Logan frowned. "You were there. You said you'd explain everything today."

"Did I?" Janus hummed. "You must have dreamt that, Logan."

"No, no, he definitely didn't dream it," Virgil said, beginning to feel a little concerned. "I was also there, and we saw you handle the dragon."

Janus shrugged. "Huh. Well, you boys have a great imagination."

Logan stood up, finished with his breakfast. "I bet it's still there," he said, sounding a little agitated, gritting his teeth. "We could show you. Jog your memory a little."

Janus rolled his eyes, and Virgil was half-tempted to punch him in the face. He restrained himself, because, despite the fact he still didn't trust Janus, he had been pretty nice to them so far. "And where was this dragon, exactly? Because I feel like if there was a dragon in the town, I would know about it."

"It- It was in the forest," Logan said, staring hard at Janus. "You were there."

Janus was silent for a moment, something flickering through his eyes - fear? Worry? Anger? "I wouldn't go in the forest if I were you," he said. "It's dangerous."

"Thought you said we could do what we want," Virgil said, regretting it slightly afterwards.

"Of course, I won't stop you, but..." He shook his head. "Actually, no. Unless you're with Patton or myself, no going in the forest. It's dangerous, and I don't want either of you two getting lost." There was something different in his voice, something that Virgil couldn't quite place, but something that also made Virgil feel anxious. That calm, easy-going nature had faded. He sounded stricter, and... and Virgil didn't want to know what would happen if he disobeyed Janus. Going against his 'guardians' wishes had never done him any favours in the past.

"Alright," Logan eventually said, still sounding a little bitter. "I'm... sorry." It occurred to Virgil that perhaps that final tone had made him just as anxious as Virgil.

"Don't apologise, Logan," Janus said, returning to his calmer nature from before. "Now, how about we all take a little walk into town today? Get to know each other a little better. Maybe get you some stuff for the room, or some new clothes if you'd like."

~*~

"Roman, Roman, Roman!"

Roman groaned, turning over in his bed and wrapping his quilt tighter around him.

"Roman!" The voice continued to repeat, over and over. Roman just wanted to continue sleeping. He'd been up late last night and, whilst that wasn't exactly an uncommon occurrence, it was also a Saturday, which meant he had an excuse to sleep for a little longer. If it wasn't for his brother, of course, shouting his name over and over and jumping down onto his bed.

"What?" Roman exclaimed, finally sitting up. "What could possibly be so important that you wake me up on a Saturday?"

Remus grinned. "I'm heading back into the forest!" he announced, proudly.

Roman stared at him for a moment, then blinked, unimpressed. "And you're telling me because...?"

"You're coming with me!" Remus said, grabbing Roman's wrist and attempting to pull him out of bed. He failed.

"Remus, it's, like, ten in the morning."

"Yeah, and Dad's still asleep, and I wanna leave before he wakes up so he doesn't find out we're going to the forest-"

"Why don't you just tell him?" Roman wondered.

"Because he'd freak out."

"I don't think he would."

"He would. Especially if he knew about the dragon."

Roman's eyes widened. "Oh shit. The dragon."

"Yup!" Remus grinned. "I wanna go see it again. My new goal in life is to poke it."

"You think that's safe?"

"Nope! That's what makes it fun." He paused for a moment, tapping his leg, before his eyes widened again. "Wait, do you think we could keep it as a pet?"

"It tried to kill us," Roman reminded him.

"Yeah, and? Wolves used to try to kill humans, probably, but then we domesticated them! Bet we could do the same with dragons!"

Roman closed his eyes, sighing. "Lizards, Remus. You're talking about lizards. Just get a lizard."

"I don't want a lizard," Remus said. "I want a dragon." He moved away from Roman's bed, heading over to the door. "Get dressed! I'll nip down to the shop and buy us some snacks for a picnic, if you want. We could go to that lake again."

Roman's eyes lit up at that, and, seeing his now happy expression, Remus grinned and left. A moment later, Roman heard the front door slam shut, before he rubbed his eyes and crawled out of bed. He quickly tidied up his clothes from the night before, which he'd just thrown on the floor before getting into bed, then got changed into a red t-shirt, jeans, and a white jacket, decorated in swirling patterns he'd painted on himself. He quickly brushed his hair, sweeping it to the side, then cleaned his teeth and grabbed his backpack, heading downstairs. It would only be him and Remus, he presumed, so he didn't do anything else to make himself look nice. He took his sketch pad from the living room, however, thinking that if they were heading down to the lake he'd have a good chance to try out some landscapes.

"You going somewhere?" a voice asked, as Roman's hand hovered over the doorknob. He spun around, coming face to face with Patton.

"Oh! Morning, Dad," he said. "I was, uh, Remus and I were gonna head out for the day. He just popped down to the shop, we were gonna-"

"Where are you going?" his dad asked.

"Oh, uh, y'know, just in town. Maybe to the fields, we were gonna have a picnic."

His dad frowned. "Alright, be back before dark."

Roman smiled. "Of course! Thank you." He turned again, heading out the door before his dad could change his mind.

~*~

Logan trailed after Janus and Virgil as they walked into town, along the footpath next to the fields. Although Janus did have a car he could theoretically use to drive into the main town area, he had insisted on walking, stating that it would be nice, and also would allow the brothers to learn the way into town when they wanted to go without access to a car. As if they couldn't figure it out themselves.

"Any shops you want to go to in particular?" Janus asked, as they stepped into the town.

Logan and Virgil were both silent.

"Right, of course, you're new," Janus remembered. "Uh... The clothes you brought with you last night are all you have, right? Like, you don't have any more boxes coming?"

"Well, it was a little difficult to get any of our possessions after our house fucking burned down," Virgil mumbled, staring down at the floor.

"Oh. Yes. I'm- I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," Logan quickly said. "We did buy some things after we first moved out, but nowhere we've lived so far have been all that bothered to buy us loads. Virgil and I do have some money of our own, however, so-"

"Logan, you don't need to worry about money," Janus said. "I'm not expecting either of you to buy essentials with your own money, I can handle that." Virgil and Logan exchanged a glance, but said nothing more. Janus continued, "For today, we'll just visit our local clothes shop, and perhaps another day we can drive out to the mall and have a good look around. After that I suppose we should see what kind of food you two would like, and I'll let you two have a wander if you want, check out some of the smaller shops whilst I get some business done."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Business?"

"I just need to have a chat with someone who lives in town, no big deal."

Despite him saying that, Logan desperately wanted to know. Did it have anything to do with that he saw yesterday? Was there some sketchy going on? Or was it just a mundane problem, or a simple catch up, was Logan thinking too much into this?

Either way, he let Janus lead them around town, finding it best not to argue with Janus. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he'd be able to explore the forest more.

~*~

By the time that Remus had made it out of the shop, Roman had already caught up, now looking wide awake. Remus' backpack had been filled to the brim with snacks, most of which he'd brought with a tenner he'd found on the kitchen side but some of which came into his possession in a not-so-legal way, as well as some other 'equipment' in the bottom - knives, nets, a picnic blanket, just in case.

"You got up quick," Remus noticed. "Thought you'd spend a little more time brushing that perfect hair of yours."

"I'll have you know, my hair is already perfect, I don't need to brush it for hours for it to look this way." Roman smirked. "Although, maybe you should give it a try."

Remus stuck his tongue out, then spun around on his heel, heading deeper into town. Frowning, Roman ran a little to catch up with him.

"I thought we were heading to the forest?" Roman recalled.

"Well, yeah, but if we walk back down our street Dad will get confused. And then we'll have to explain. Plus, I stole a tenner off him, so-"

Roman blinked. "Where'd you get it?"

"The kitchen." Remus shrugged. "It was just there, lying by the sink, all in its own, abandoned by the world."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Remus," Roman groaned. "That was mine."

"You really should take better care of your money, Roman."

"You owe me ten."

"I don't owe you shit, I'm your twin brother, we share things. As Dad would always say, sharing is caring."

"I don't think I've ever heard Dad say that."

"You know that he thinks it all the time, though."

Roman sighed. "Okay, yeah, you're right. Doesn't mean I'm gonna let you off."

"You'll forget eventu-" He froze. "Holy shit, is that those kids from yesterday?"

Roman frowned, then followed Remus' gaze. It was. The two teens they'd met the day before were walking around town, following Janus. Their uncle, right? Yeah. Remus grinned and ran up to them, tapping the older one - Logan - on the shoulder. "Hey!"

Alarmed, Logan spun around, getting into a fighting stance, before noticing Remus and relaxing. "Oh. Hello, Remus."

After catching up with him, Roman said, "What are you doing out here?"

"Shopping," Logan said, "obviously."

Janus turned around and looked at Remus, humming. "Ah. The Prince twins. How are you doing?"

"We're good!" Remus said, grinning. "We were gonna have a picnic. Can Logan and Virgil come with us?" He ignored the confused stare from Roman.

"I don't see why not." Janus turned to the brothers. "How about you two finish up your shopping with the twins, then I'll meet you back home tonight."

Logan looked down at Virgil and something happened between them, some sort of secret communication, before Logan looked back up at Janus. "Yes, that sounds good. I'll see you tonight, Uncle."

Janus smiled. "Stay out of the forest, yeah?" Logan nodded, then he took off, leaving the four teenagers alone on the street.

Once Janus was out of sight, Remus said, "Well, Roman and I were planning on heading into the forest, so I hope you're not one to listen to the adults."

Logan breathed out. "That's what Virgil and I were planning to do as well."

Virgil frowned. "No, actually, I-"

"Awesome!" Remus grabbed Logan's wrist and began to drag him down the street, the other two following. "Anywhere you need to go first?"

"Is there anywhere I could buy a notebook of sorts?" Logan asked.

Remus nodded. "Yeah, there's a stationary place at the end of the high street. C'mon."

~*~

As Janus did his weekly food shop, something gnawed in his chest, a feeling that his nephews were about to get in a whole lot of trouble again. He'd been so stupid the day before, forgetting that they were coming in and then allowing them to run straight into danger, without even being able to tell them it was there.

There was something going on in his town, and Janus had spent the last few years living here trying to figure it all out. He didn't want Logan and Virgil to be getting caught up in all of that. He remembered how when he was younger he'd dragged his brother into mysteries with him, and he knew that had only harmed him, emotionally and physically, and in turn caused their relationship to break down. He didn't want that for his nephews. He wanted them to be safe, he needed to keep them safe.

And if that meant hiding a few things from them, keeping them from exploring the forest, then so be it. He needed to come up with some sort of excuse about the dragon, because they really didn't seem to buy his usual lies. It wasn't difficult to convince others in this town that all they saw was an illusion, a dream, but these boys were smarter, they could tell fantasy from reality, and they knew this was reality. Just like Janus did. And just like the twins.

As far as Janus was aware, the twins had never actually seen anything like the dragon yesterday, nothing entirely real, but they had told him about some things they'd found in the forest, skeletons of long dead mystical creatures, weird equipment lying around - his equipment, mostly, but he tried not to tell them about that - small clues to suggest the existence of the extraordinary. He knew all about their self proclaimed 'monster hunting' business, and didn't want to attempt to sway them from that, of course he wanted them to have interests, but... he did worry, sometimes. And he definitely didn't want Logan and Virgil to be getting caught up in all of that. They'd both already been through enough.

After paying for his shopping and leaving the store, Janus pulled out his phone and called Patton, who picked up on the second ring.

"Janus!" he greeted, happily. "How are you doing? The boys settling in okay?"

"I'm quite fine, Patton, thank you," Janus said. "Logan and Virgil are alright as well, I hope. They've just met up with Roman and Remus, actually."

"Oh, have they?" Patton sounded just a little confused, but tried to mask that with his usual happy persona. For the longest time Janus had wondered why Patton always did that, always hid his emotions, until he thought about how much he lied to keep the secrets of this town secrets. He sort of understood. Perhaps Patton just didn't want anyone else to be upset. "They didn't tell me that."

"Well, I'd imagine they're just happy to have some friends," Janus said. "I don't know them as well as you do, of course, but... I've never seen them with anyone else."

"Yeah." Patton sounded a little sadder there, his mask beginning to fade. "I think Roman's had a little trouble fitting in at school, and Remus isn't going to abandon him. They'll have your boys soon though, at least. I'm glad they've made friends."

"Yes, yes, of course." Janus glanced up and down the street, but didn't see any signs of the kids. Perhaps they'd already left town. "Did they tell you where they were going, by any chance?"

"Roman mentioned the field," Patton said.

"Alright. Okay, yeah, that's good." Janus sighed. "If you see them, keep an eye on them, okay? They've been through a lot, and-"

"Don't worry," Patton said, his usual chipper voice returning. "I'll make sure they're safe."

Janus let out a breath. "Thank you."

"No worries." Although he couldn't see him, Janus imagined that Patton was grinning. "I've got to go, though, washing the dishes right now."

"Yeah, of course, sorry. Goodbye, Patton."

"See ya!" Patton hung up. Janus stared at his phone screen for a while, before sighing and beginning to walk back home.

~*~

"Logan, this is a bad idea," Virgil murmured, tugging on his older brother's sleeve. "Uncle Janus literally told us to stay out of the forest."

"Since when have you ever listened to what the adults say?

"Since when have you ever broken a rule?"

"What's so bad about the forest?" Remus asked, spinning around and beginning to walk backwards, as the four of them approached the forest.

"Our uncle said it was dangerous."

"Yeah, duh." Remus rolled his eyes. "It's a forest. There's probably, like, wolves and shit."

Virgil froze.

Roman just laughed. "What, so you're afraid of a little wolf but not of that literal dragon?"

"I'm fucking terrified of the dragon!" Virgil snapped.

"Calm down, Virgil," Logan said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. That did make Virgil feel a little better, he had to admit. "We'll be fine. The dragon's dead, remember?"

"We don't know that the dragon's dead," Virgil said, "and we also don't know that there isn't more of them."

Remus groaned. "No one is forcing you to come, you know? If you're gonna be a stick in the mud just go back home."

Virgil just clung onto Logan, as Logan pulled tighter. He wasn't leaving without Logan, that was for sure. He refused to go anywhere without Logan.

"Alright then." Remus shrugged. "It'll be fun, anyway. Trust me, you aren't going to die. Not today, at least." He backed up into a tree, and let out a short cry of pain, before spinning back around and kicking the tree, glaring angrily at it. "Who the fuck put a tree here?"

"We're here." Roman grinned and picked up the pace, heading deeper into the forest. Sighing, Virgil broke away from Logan's grasp and followed, eyes darting around nervously for any signs of danger. He put his hands in his pockets, clinging onto his phone just in case they got themselves into danger - who he would call, Virgil hadn't figured out yet, but it was better than nothing. Hopefully, by the time they reached the cave the dragon will have disappeared, perhaps it really had just been a figment of their imagination in the first place. They were having a picnic soon as well, right? At the very least, that was something to look forward to.

"So," Roman said, walking next to Virgil as Logan and Remus forged ahead, beginning to exchange theories on the dragon. Virgil wasn't really surprised at Logan doing that, but it was weird to see Remus that way, acting just as much of a nerd as Logan was. "What brings you to town?"

Virgil frowned, glancing down at Roman. He was just a little comforted by the fact that Roman was shorter than him, despite being older. Not much shorter, but shorter nonetheless. "I'm living with my uncle now."

"Yeah, but, like. Why?" Roman said. "Why here? Literally anywhere else would be cooler."

Virgil blinked. "Uh. My parents died. I didn't really have much of choice."

Roman's eyes widened in realisation. "Oh, shit. Uh. S-Sorry-"

"Don't be." Virgil sighed. "It was a while ago. I'm... over it." He wasn't, not really, but he didn't need to tell Roman that. It was something he was still working through - he had been seeing a therapist about it a few months ago, but had to stop after moving too far away. But that was fine, he was fine. He still had Logan, at least.

"Still," Roman continued, "that must be, uh, hard. I-I can't even imagine what that would feel like."

"Eh." Virgil shrugged. "Seriously, don't worry about it. Logan and I are just here now because... Janus is all the family we have left, I think. Took him a while to find us, but we're here now, so... yeah."

Roman gave him a sad smile. He didn't seem to quite know how to respond. Which was fair enough, really. He looked vaguely uncomfortable.

"What about your family?" Virgil found himself asked, wanting to steer the conversation away from himself.

A real smile grew across Roman's face. "It's good. Just me, Remus and Dad. We... have family elsewhere, I think, but never really talk to them. Janus is... also basically family, he's almost like a second dad to us."

"What about your mum?" Virgil asked, immediately regretting it afterwards but finding no way to take it back. It wasn't as if he could travel back in time - could he travel back in time? If dragons were real, then who's to say that time travel wasn't?

"I never knew her," Roman said. "She split up with Dad when Remus and I were young. Dad got full custody."

"Oh. Did something-"

"Nothing bad happened," Roman cleared up. "They just weren't really a good match, what with Dad being a flaming homosexual and all. She didn't really want anything to do with him when she found out."

Oh. Oh. Virgil had never actually met an adult who was gay before. Children, yeah - he'd been to plenty schools with out queer kids, a few of Logan's old friends, including himself, were gay, and Virgil was... not straight, possibly bi, he wasn't quite sure yet. But that was cool. Nice to know that Patton would be... accepting.

"Were you and your parents close?" Roman asked, to which Virgil was half tempted to punch him in the face because who asks that but held himself back.

Instead, Virgil just shrugged. "I guess. I mean, I do miss them, but..." He breathed in. "Like I said, it's been a while. I don't... I don't really want to talk about it."

Roman was silent for a moment. "Okay. Sorry."

"It's okay." Virgil sighed. "It's fine. Just don't have the energy today."

"I-I get it." Virgil seriously doubted that he did, but didn't say any more. The group had reached the cave now, which meant he had far greater things to be dealing with. Like making sure that his brother and possible-friends didn't get killed.

As the group stepped into the cave, Virgil's heart began to pound, as the events from the day before suddenly came flooding back. This cave was creepy enough on its own, with the dim, blinking lights and the quiet whirring of distant machinery, but knowing that there was possibly a dragon running loose was an even worse feeling. What if they weren't so lucky this time? What if they didn't make it out? What if they got caught exactly like they did last time and nobody came to save them?

"Hey," Remus whispered into his ear, causing Virgil to jump back, somewhat startled. Something was gently lowered into his hands, something sharp and metallic, before Remus stalked away. "Just in case."

Virgil looked down at the object in his hands, frowning for a second before completely freaking out, almost throwing the object across the room. "What the fuck do you want me to do with a knife?" Knowing that his original plan to throw the knife away could result in someone getting injured, he instead held it out at arms length.

Logan sighed, turning around to Virgil and taking the knife out of his hands. "Remus, please don't give my fourteen year old brother a knife. Why do you even have knives in the first place?" Logan placed the knife in his own pocket, and Virgil tried his best not to think about its presence.

"We could be fighting a dragon soon!" Remus defended, his loud voice echoing through the cave. "We need to be prepared!"

"Yeah, but giving a child a knife isn't the way to do that," Logan said.

"I'm not a child," Virgil argued. "You're only two years older than me."

"Yes. That makes you a child."

Virgil stuck his tongue out, then charged forward, going to walk next to Remus instead. Perhaps to annoy his brother, or perhaps because he was the one with the knives, so if they were attacked he would be able to defend them. The group arrived at the smaller tunnel from the day before, where they had originally found the dragon. Only to find it completely empty.

"Huh," Logan said with a frown, walking past Virgil further into the tunnel as Virgil stopped, allowing himself to fall back to the back of the group. The same mistake he'd made the way before, before coming face to face with a fucking dragon, but he didn't exactly have any other options. "What happened?"

"Maybe we just dreamt it, like Uncle Janus said," Virgil suggested.

"No, it was definitely here," Logan muttered, crouching down onto the ground. He looked ahead at where the door had been, to find it open once more, then back at the ground, placing a hand on the rocks and feeling around.

"Maybe it flew away!" Remus said, crouching down next to Logan.

"No, it was injured, it couldn't have gotten far," Logan countered.

There was silence for a while, and Virgil was half tempted to turn around and walk back home, leave these weirdos alone to deal with the missing dragon, but still he stayed, not wanting to leave his brother alone. If the dragon really was real, and it had escaped further into the cave, or even got out, he didn't want to risk leaving Logan alone in here with it. Even if he was with the twins - Virgil still wasn't sure what to think of the twins, they seemed to be the type to run into danger for the fun of it and Virgil did not vibe with that at all.

Eventually, Roman performed a dramatic gasp, and ran over to his brother, gripping his shoulders. "Remus, you know what this means?"

"Please don't say 'monster hunter time'."

"Monster hunter time!"

Virgil blinked, stepping forward. "Uh, what's monster hunter time?"

"Remus and I are monster hunters!" Roman said, with a grin.

"Roman is a monster hunter," Remus corrected. "I am a person who searches for creatures of mythical or illogical origin."

"Yeah, exactly, a monster hunter."

"Shut up, Roman."

"You're the one who started the monster hunting thing-"

"Yeah, and I wanted us to the called 'the cryptid catchers' but you said that was dumb, so..."

"It is dumb."

"Alliteration isn't dumb."

"Can you both just shut up and explain what you mean?" Virgil snapped.

Roman sighed. "Yeah, yeah, okay. Remus and I have a hobby of coming into this forest and looking for weird shit. We've never found anything alive, but now we know there's a dragon somewhere, so we're gonna hunt it down."

There was a pause, before Virgil said, "Do you want to get us killed?"

"Yes!" Remus shouted. After Roman nudged his arm, he corrected, "No!"

"C'mon, Virgil," Logan said, rising up off the floor. "It might be fun."

Virgil just stared at him like he was insane.

"If it gets too much, we can head home," Logan promised.

Virgil let out a long, long sigh. "Okay. Fine."

~*~

A few hours after leaving the boys, Janus found himself in Patton's kitchen, running his fingers through his hair and trying to figure out why this was already taking such a toll on him. He knew that Logan and Virgil were okay, they'd been through a lot worse than just having a picnic with the twins, but they'd been out for a while now and he hadn't so much have received a text from either of them or seen them in the fields and he'd promised himself that he'd take care of them, what if they were hurt, what if-

No, no. He'd also promised that he wasn't going to be too protective of the boys. Obviously he wanted to protect them from his work, keep them safely in reality, keep them safe from any harm, but at the same time they were both teenagers, who were smart enough to take care of themselves. They needed to have independence, he didn't want them to feel as though he was trying to control them. He wanted them to live their own lives, make their own decisions. Even if those decisions could potentially put them in danger. Obviously he'd try his best to prevent that, but...

"I'm sure they're fine, Janus," Patton said, placing a cup of tea down in front of him and sitting down opposite him. "Roman and Remus are both quite independent, and also... somewhat sensible, they'll be keeping them safe."

"I've had them for less than twenty four hours and I'm already terrified that they're going to get hurt," Janus said, staring down at his tea.

Patton gave him a small smile. "That's just what comes with being a parent, Janus. You'll always be afraid that your children are going to get hurt, and you'll do everything in your power to protect them, but you need to let them go as well. No matter how scared you are, you'll always have faith that they will eventually come back safe."

Janus sighed. "This is why I didn't want children."

There was silence for a moment, until Patton quietly asked, "Janus, why did you decide to take them in?"

Janus took a long gulp of his tea, trying not to show how much it burnt his tongue as he put it back down. He opened his mouth to speak, before deciding to take another gulp. Procrastination at it's best. In truth, he didn't quite know why he'd decided to take them in. He could have just left them to continue to be thrown around different foster homes, until they eventually both aged out of the system and went to live their own lives. He hadn't talked, even wanted to talk to any of his family in years, and now...

"Because they're all I have left," he eventually said. After seeing Patton's confused expression, he continued, "Both of my own parents are dead, and I stopped speaking to my brother years ago. So then when I found out he died, I... I don't know, I felt like I should have tried better. I never really engaged with my family, kinda just got out of there as soon as I could, but... yeah. Then I find out that my brother had two kids, and that they were all alone in the world, so I reached out and tried to get them. I wanted them to be safe."

Patton looked at him for a while, considering him, before smiling. "I think that's nice of you. Virgil and Logan deserve to have a family just as much as you did."

Janus scoffed. "Yeah, no, I don't blame my family for never trying to connect with me again. You don't know this, but I was kinda shitty person back then. Abandoned my family because they deserved better, and... I don't know, I wanted more out of life. Made a lot of mistakes, talked to a lot of people who didn't make life much better, and... now I'm here, just trying to make the most of things."

"I'm sure you weren't-"

"You don't know anything about my past, Patton," Janus said, perhaps a little too harshly, judging by the way Patton flinched. He immediately felt bad about that. "Sorry, I... That's all behind me now, y'know? I... You're probably closer to me than any of my family ever was."

He tried not to focus on how Patton blushed at that. And definitely didn't blush himself.

"I'm just... worried about the boys," Janus admitted. "They're all I have left and-"

"It'll be okay, Janus," Patton reassured him, "they'll be okay."

~*~

The further the group traveled into the cave, the more excited Logan became about all of this. Machinery was scattered all around, in little rooms and on the walls of tunnels, blinking lights and buttons with weird symbols. It took all of Logan's strength not to go up and push the buttons, just to find out what happened. He held himself back simply because he didn't want to press the wrong button and get himself killed, but God was he curious.

"Who do you think made all of these?" Logan wondered, stopping by one of the machines and crouching down, trying to get a better look around it. He could see a small hatch on the side with a keyhole, and desperately wanted to open it to look inside, to see what was going on.

"Probably some government place," Roman said. "These machines have always been here. I don't think they really do anything."

Logan hummed, reaching towards the hatch and attempting to pull it open. It was locked, which really shouldn't have shocked him. "Do any of you guys know how to pick locks?"

"Oh!" Remus exclaimed, jumping down next to Logan. "I do!"

Virgil seemed just a little alarmed by that. "Should we be concerned?"

"Nah." Remus looked at the lock for a moment, before taking a pin out of his pocket and beginning to pick the lock. A moment later, the hatch swung open. "There!" He moved away, allowing Logan to get a closer.

There didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Just wires and cogs, and clear glasses showing some sort of energy source, Logan presumed - a neon green liquid. He tried not to think about that. After staring at it a moment longer, he closed the hatch and stood back up, continuing to follow the others deeper into the cave.

Every now and then, he'd stop by a machine and take out his new sketchbook (which he planned to turn into a journal of sorts) and doodle some of the symbols, mostly to make a note and see if he could research them later. He was intrigued to find out what they meant, although most just seemed to be random shapes - then again, he did spot a couple Greek letters, perhaps the ones he didn't recognise were something like that?

They heard a noise from further down the tunnel, and stopped. A moment later, the noise disappeared, only to start back up again. Logan glanced at the others, trying to figure out if they had any idea what was going on. It didn't sound... aggressive, or even particularly terrifying, but it was different than the quiet whirring of machinery, and seemed to echo around in the tight space. Plus, knowing that it was highly likely that there was a dragon on the loose didn't make things much better.

"Maybe we should just go back home-" Virgil quietly suggested, trying to turn back only to be physically stopped by Roman.

"It's probably nothing," Logan said, half to reassure his brother and half to reassure himself. He continued to walk down the corridor, slower this time, towards the source of the sound. It sounded... well, not dangerous, not really. Peaceful, probably quiet if it wasn't for the echo. At the corner where the noise was at its loudest, Logan stopped, pressing his back against the wall and peaking around. "Oh, no, okay, that's a dragon."

Virgil's eyes widened. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm gonna pet it!" Remus said, a little too loudly, as he surged forward, a little too fast. Logan grabbed his arm just before he made it around the corner, pulling him back.

"Remus, that is literally the worst idea you've come up with all day," Logan said, monotonously.

Remus pouted. "But, like, that was my entire reason for hunting down the dragon-"

"Remus, I don't know how to explain to you how much of a terrible idea this is."

"Well maybe if you let me try you'd see that it's actually a good idea-"

Logan opened his mouth to argue more, but stopped as he saw Virgil walk past them, heading straight towards the dragon. Shit. He let go of Remus' wrist and followed Virgil, trying to stop him as well, but it was too late. Virgil was right by the dragon's side, crouching down. "Virgil, come-"

"Shh," Virgil said, reaching a hand towards the dragon. "It's sleeping." His hand connected with the scales on the dragon's head, and he began to slowly stroke it, the dragon staying completely still.

Remus turned around the corner, slowly followed by Roman, looking incredibly disappointed. "Why is Virgil allowed to pet it but not me?"

"He's not," Logan said, folding his arms, but still softening his voice a little. The dragon did look peaceful, happy, and it wasn't... attacking them, or anything. Plus, if Logan wanted to get a drawing done and study it, having Virgil keeping it calm like this would be good. Eventually, Logan moved further into the room, sitting down with his back to the wall and taking out his journal, trying to draw the dragon to the best of his ability.

Remus seemed to take that as an excuse to go pet the dragon as well, whilst Roman went to sit down next to Logan, observing the situation and chuckling every now and then. After ten minutes or so, he turned to look, frowning at the drawing on the page.

"That sucks," he said, simply.

Logan glared at him. "I'm not exactly an artist."

"Yeah, but, like. It's right in front of you."

"You think you can do better?"

"Yup." Roman took the journal out of Logan's hand, pulled a pencil out of his bag, and began to draw, glancing up at the dragon every few seconds. And Logan had to admit, it was good. Roman had very clearly had a lot of practise when it came to art, and... Christ, yeah, it was pretty realistic. "See?"

"Okay, yes. That... is a lot better than mine."

Roman grinned.

"I'm, uh, I was actually planning on drawing out any creature we come across," Logan told Roman. "And also keep more scientific notes about them on the same pages. Do you- Would you be willing to draw everything for me? You are... very skilled, I have to admit."

Roman smirked. "Sure. Does that mean you'll be a monster hunter as well?"

Logan hesitated, before slowly nodding. "If you two are willing to let me tag along. I think it will be... interesting, at the very least."

"What about Virgil?" Roman asked. "Seems unfair if you come along but not him."

"Yeah, I don't want to die, thank you very much," Virgil said from the other side, still stroking the dragon, utterly entranced.

"You say that, and then you're the one stroking a dragon," Logan said.

Virgil paused, before continuing to stroke it. "Fair point. Okay, I'm in, or whatever."

Logan stood up, approaching the dragon and beginning to examine it. It looked... real, alive, it's chest slowly moving up and down as it breathed. Red scales, reptilian, similar to that of a snake. It looked... almost exactly how he'd expect a dragon to look, like it was straight out of a fairy tale. It was that detail that made Logan question just how real it was.

It could very easily have been a piece of machinery, just like everything else in this cave, perhaps something that had gone haywire. But at the same time, it was breathing, and the scales felt real, and... well, Logan guessed that he wanted it to be real. He wanted something... cool in his life, something extraordinary, something to prove that his life wasn't meaningless.

Perhaps living in this town wouldn't be so bad. As much as Janus was... well, as hard as Logan found it to trust Janus, he had certainly been better than... pretty much every other 'home' they had been in, although they had only known him less than a day. Roman and Remus were nice, at least, and Logan was excited to be able to work with them, to try to solve the mysteries of this town. The mysteries that Logan was sure existed, because, goddamnit, he was going to find them. With Roman and Remus around, he figured that probably wouldn't be hard.

Logan ended up stroking the dragon's tail, a wave of calmness rushing over him. This was nice. Things were nice. And... well, Logan could certainly see himself returning to this cave for more research, perhaps to study those machines more or even just to check out the dragon again. He wanted to know things, to learn things, and this seemed like a pretty good way to do that, to discover the secrets of the world.

~*~

Patton was a little worried about Janus, to say the least. He'd left his house a while ago, returned home to wait for his nephews, but he'd been acting a little... odd. Janus wasn't usually so open about his feelings, and his past, and... anything, really. Even to Patton, Janus remained a total mystery.

A good mystery, Patton had found. He always enjoyed Janus' presence, probably a little more than he should have. He almost reminded Patton of his ex, before she... well, before things got bad between the two of them. Patton had loved her, that much he knew, but they hadn't been a good match. He hadn't loved her in the way she wanted him to love her. She had never wanted a family, just wanted someone to screw around with, really. Patton had wanted something long term, and... well, thinking back he probably saw her as more of a friend. He'd have been happy spending his life with her, but in a platonic relationship rather than romantic or sexual. He wasn't even into girls, although he didn't know that at the time.

Janus, however, was just a little different. There was that same feeling of wanting to spend the rest of his life with him, wanting to build up to the world with him in mind, but it was... stronger. Patton wanted more than just friendship with Janus, and... perhaps he did too. Patton hoped so, anyway. Only time would tell, though. It could have just been a silly crush, for all Patton knew, he'd had plenty of those in his lifetime. And Janus probably wasn't even interested - he had his own life to be focusing on, always busy with 'work' (whatever that was), and now he had two kids to be looking out for as well. It wasn't the right time, not just yet.

Patton sighed as he stared out the window, looking across the fields whilst washing the dishes. He had an alright life, he supposed. A nice town, a stable job, two brilliant children. There wasn't anything to complain about, not really. Still, a part of him wanted more.

~*~

The four 'monster hunters' (they'd have to think of a name for themselves, but that could wait for now) gathered around a lake in the middle of the forest, sitting near the edge. Roman sat with his sketchbook in his lap, his pencil gliding gracefully across the page as he drew the scene in front of him, the ripples spreading out across the water and the little trees in the distance, the few fluffy clouds in the sky. The rest of the group were sat around eating, looking fairly happy with themselves.

"Is this going to be a regular occurrence?" Logan asked, looking back and forth between the twins.

After a moment of silence, Roman shrugged, and said, "If you want it to be. Re and I come down here all the time, you're more than welcome to join whenever."

"No, I mean..." Logan sighed. "Exploring the forest. Finding weird things."

Remus grinned. "Yeah! We come out here almost every day!"

A small smile spread across Logan's face. "Alright. That is... satisfactory."

"If you end up getting me or my brother killed," Virgil said, "I'm going to murder you. I hope you know that."

"How can you kill us when you're dead?" Remus pointed out.

"Shut up."

"No one's going to die," Roman promised. "We know the forest like the backs of our hands. If anything does go wrong, we can just call Janus. He took down the dragon that first time, remember?"

Logan and Virgil exchanged a glance that Roman couldn't quite decipher, before Logan slowly nodded. "Yes. Of course."

Roman smiled. The other three smiled back. He looked back out across the lake, and sighed, feeling the wind brush his cheeks and smelling the freshwater in the air. Things were going to be great, he knew it. 

[rockinjoeco]

The Stigma from the Media

In the wake of the tragic suicide of former Love Island presenter Caroline Flack, the topic of mental health has become more vital and sensitive than ever. It shouldn’t have to take a tragic suicide for people to start thinking about how they impact other people’s mental health, but it seems that’s where we are now. I could preach to people about thinking about mental health, etc, but it appears that in the wake of Brexit, those days where a majority of British people are kind appears to be over. If we are to tackle mental health stigma, then we need to get to quite possibly the key architect behind this stigma and influencing a toxic attitude on society; the media.

The media is a very powerful tool in our society and unfortunately it’s been proven so by influencing a poisonous culture on everyone. Is it any coincidence that dumbed down, exploitive outlets like tabloid newspapers are the most-read newspapers during a time when, as proven with Brexit and the election, that maybe a majority of the British public aren’t as intelligent as we’d like them to be. This isn’t an assessment I’ve made because an election result didn’t go the way I wanted. We all know about the problems caused by the Tory government, like many people being forced into poverty because of austerity and universal credit, how a knife crime epidemic started because of police cuts made by the government and we all know the billions of pounds wasted on Brexit, which I’m still yet to hear any logical reason as to why that’s a good idea, leaving the NHS to be underfunded. Yet the conservatives won the election by an overwhelming majority despite the hardship that they’ve caused for a lot of British people. Jeremy Corbyn of the Labour Party may not had been the formidable challenger to Boris Johnson as many would had liked, but Corbyn would have been more likely to fund the NHS and help those in poverty than Johnson. The theory is still that the media won Boris Johnson the election with a smear campaign against Corbyn, although the antisemitism allegations weren’t a complete fantasy. The media spouted propaganda to manipulate the public rather than being unbiased like any insightful journalist, and unfortunately too many people were gullible to believe some of the wild speculation they reported.

When Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided to retire from royal duties, there was outrage amongst the public, but there were still people like myself who knew that the media treatment they had received was a major reason behind this. In the wake of Caroline Flack’s death, it’s a tragic summary of their brutal treatment of public figures and how it can seriously harm their mental health. The media relentlessly report on celebrities’ private lives, usually against their will, but for what reason? The private lives of celebrities isn’t exactly need-to-know information and doesn’t boast any insight into anything. It’s just a money-making scheme to sensationalise the most insignificant of events so the gullible and ignorant people can absorb themselves into. What we know now is the harm it does to the people that the news articles are about. Of course those in the media have branded Prince Harry and Meghan Markle selfish for stepping out of the media spotlight as an effort to excuse their abhorrent pursuit of them. They still make excuses for the car crash that killed Princess Diana in Paris back in 1997 and state that she was killed because the driver was intoxicated, but just before the crash, paparazzi were chasing the car that Diana was in and so it must be argued that the media had a part to play in the horrific car crash. The media are so powerful that they can get away with anything, even murder it seems.

We can debate about whether Love Island is a good tv show, and whether newspapers like The Sun, Daily Mirror and Daily Mail are good newspapers, but what must be talked about is whether or not they’re harmful. Let’s not forget that that two Love Island contestants, Sophie Gordon and Mike Thalassitis, also tragically took their own lives last year. Whether Love Island played any part in Caroline Flack’s suicide is up for debate, but surely the TV show should be under more intense scrutiny than ever, especially as questions about whether it damages someone’s mental health. Also last year, a guest on the Jeremy Kyle Show, Steve Dymond, took his own life and the show was cancelled as a result. For Love Island to not only continue, but add a winter series after two of their previous guests committed suicide raises a lot of questions and shows that ITV put ratings before the well-being of their participants. The media has now become more of a weapon, especially looking at Piers Morgan’s merciless vendetta against Meghan Markle and Jameela Jamil, all because he finds them irritating. Not because they’re criminals or because they’ve done any kind of wrongdoing. The phone hacking scandal by the News of the World demonstrates how certain media outlets have become weaponised to intrude public figures for the means of getting a story. Piers Morgan has frequently dismissed mental health awareness by stating that those who speak out are just ‘wallowing in self-pity’ and are ‘virtue-signalling berks’. If anybody else had tweeted that, they’d probably get in trouble at work, maybe even sacked. The fact that ITV haven’t punished Piers Morgan in any way shows contempt from the network as well as Morgan in regards to mental health and this is why there is still so much stigma around mental health. As someone with anxiety and depression, the media, especially ITV, is why I’ve suffered in silence for so many years.

Social media has also become more harmful than ever too. It has become a tool for users to harass and abuse people, especially celebrities. The cancel culture on social media is so brutal. Taylor Swift spoke out about how social media had impacted her when, following a public falling out with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, the hashtag #taylorswiftisover trended for days on Twitter and it was like being told to kill yourself and Twitter users were likening a human being to a TV show and they could just be killed off if they’re not how the public wants them to be like. Meghan Markle has also been victim of savage abuse on social media, as she admitted on ITV last September, and Lily Allen quit Twitter days after the General Election as she said that Twitter ‘gives a voice to the far-right’ and that it is used to ‘spread disinformation and lies’. When celebrities give their political opinion on twitter or if a news story has that sort of thing, the comments on twitter can contain people saying things like ‘stop talking’ or ‘stick to acting’, which is killing democracy in our country. Are celebrities not entitled to an opinion? Why are they less allowed to have their say than any non-famous person on social media? Nobody has to agree with them, but they have the right to an opinion, just like we are.

ITV has always been a poisonous institution, as any company which keeps Piers Morgan in a job would prove to be. Caroline Flack was forced to resign from Love Island following her assault charge on her boyfriend Lewis Burton, but many have pointed out that Ant McPartlin was allowed to keep his job at ITV when he was convicted of drink-driving, arguably a more serious offense than the one that Caroline was charged with. Because of McPartlin’s popularity, you could say that he is untouchable and can get away with almost anything, even if he did cause death by dangerous driving, ITV will still keep him on because he generates ratings, and that’s what comes first with ITV. The moment when Philip Schofield came out as gay on This Morning was a heartwarming moment and was seen as brave and inspiring to express your sexuality in the way Schofield did. Those inspiring moments are too few on ITV, especially looking at the suicides of their participants. Something at that company is wrong and their mental health campaigns seem redundant now. ITV care so much about ratings that it wouldn’t surprise me if they announced an autumn and spring series in addition to Love Island.

Caroline Flack said back in December; ‘if you’re going to be anything, be kind’. It shouldn’t have to take a tragic suicide for people to start being kind, but Britain has become a less tolerant and more crueller country than ever, especially in the wake of Brexit. People are so quick to pounce whenever a celebrity makes any kind of mistake, like all human beings do, and berate them in the most brutal way possible. While it is important to be kind, we still have to be brutally honest on important matters like mental health and we must get to the source of where it stems from; media corporations like tabloid newspapers and ITV. I, like many other people, hope that action is taken against the media for all the harm that they have caused people, because the media have too much blood on their hands.

[handsofdarkness]

Within Temptation’s Sharon Den Adel: “Sometimes I Lose It, Emotionally”

Within Temptation vocalist Sharon Den Adel looks back at her life in music, reflections on motherhood and feeling “naked” onstage…

You’ve come a long way since you first picked up a microphone. What would your teenage self think of how things turned out? “It would be mind-blowing for her. I was 14 when I first started singing with a band while at school. That seems so far away now. Growing up in the Netherlands we didn’t have too many examples to follow. There were bands like Shocking Blue and Golden Earring, but they never seemed to reach too far outside the country. Being a full-time singer certainly wasn’t considered to be a future job.”

How did your parents react when you told them that’s what you wanted to do? “They said I could go to music school but they really wanted me to learn flute, piano, and how to read music. That didn’t sound very cool to me and I didn’t want to do it. I told them I wanted to skip all of that and just start singing, because I believed I was good at that. They wanted to support me, but in their own way. I never did learn to play the flute. They soon realised I was a good singer, but they didn’t think you could earn a living from music without being able to read notes. I still can’t!”

Each Within Temptation album has sounded notably different to its predecessor. Was it a struggle to find an identity? “It is something we were actively and consciously doing, or searching for. We have always wanted to push the borders of what we felt were limiting us within the scene. It’s a good challenge and it keeps things interesting. We like to reinvent ourselves on every album. If we had to stay the same as we were when we started, I doubt we’d have kept the band together so long.”

In 2011 Robert quit being part of the touring band. How difficult was that for you both? “We didn’t like it, but it was the best thing for both of us. We had actually come through a break-up before that. We broke up as a couple for a little while in 2008. When we got back together we decided the band didn’t work too well when we’re both touring together. We’re hard-headed people and sometimes it’s too much to be working together all the time. Now it works best with us writing in separate rooms. We send emails to each other rather than talk. It can be a fragile thing, but if you’ve worked with your partner you know it can be horrible. We can get into a fight within five minutes. Within the world of Within Temptation we collaborate with different people, and that works well.”

You don’t ever write music together? “No, never. I send ideas to him, and he either works on those, or he sends something to me and I work on that. We don’t sit together in one room. We tried it that way for a long time and it wasn’t working. On our first two albums he would write the music and I’d come in and work on the vocals. Since then I’ve got way more involved in the actual music. We can’t write together, but we’ve learned from our mistakes and have found a way that works.”

As a mum of three, how do you balance career and family life? “I found it hard at first. I had to change the balance of my personal life and the band. In the past I would go on tour for six weeks or more at a time, and I’d be away from home a lot. Now we manage it so that we tour for two weeks and then have a break, and then we go out again. It’s generally two weeks on the road and then two weeks at home. It’s more expensive that way, but it keeps the band alive. Everyone has family commitments.”

Within Temptation songs are always invested with considerable emotion. Which songs are most meaningful to you? “The last album was hugely important for me, coming after the loss of my father. I was still in an emotional state when I was writing Resist with the guys. Holy Ground is particularly meaningful to me, as is Supernova. The Cross [from 2007’s The Heart Of Everything] is another significant one, but there are so many. It’s not just because they deal with subjects personal to me, but sometimes songs relate to people around me. I may be a bystander, but you get sucked into people’s lives and their challenges because you care about them. I take parts of my own emotions along with things that have affected other people, and then integrate those into a song. Because of that we get through a range of subjects on our albums.”

Are there any you find tough to perform for personal reasons? “Say My Name [from the U.S. edition of 2004’s The Silent Force] and Forgiven [The Heart Of Everything] are hard songs for me to sing. You’re so naked on stage with those. Sometimes, and without meaning to, singing those songs brings back so much that you find yourself in an emotional state. It’s beautiful really, because I am not ashamed to show that side of me. That feeling – you can’t get closer to the origins of a song than that. You want to connect with the feeling, but not to the point where you lose it, emotionally. But sometimes I do.”

Did the success of 2011’s The Unforgiving and 2014’s Hydra change you as a band? “Not really. You only see it when you look back. At the time you’re carried away by the flow of everything and you don’t always see things changing. Afterwards, I look back almost with surprise and understand that it was all pretty successful. Of course you note where you are in the charts and that’s always a sign that something’s happening, but it’s only later that you realise how important it was, or how people really understood and connected with a certain song or album.”

Did you feel under pressure to maintain that level of success? “Success is not something you can control. Even after [second album] Mother Earth in 2000, people were wondering whether we could keep it up. Every album has brought a different kind of success; it might be musically or it might be because more fans have discovered you. The only pressure we feel is about whether we still matter to the music scene. We want to make music that feels important to people. Music is essential to life, so being relevant to people is the only aim we have. It’s like a circle: you give, and you get back.”

What do you think caused the writer’s block you experienced in the build-up to last album Resist? “At a certain age, things start happening for the second time in your life. When I was younger my grandparents died, and then as you get older more people leave you. It’s inevitable. It’s that circle of life. It causes you to stop and reflect on what’s important. The problems began when my father started getting ill. There was too much emotion and I couldn’t deal with it. For me, when there’s too much emotion I can’t write. I feel overwhelmed by it all. I need to be able to put it in a place, to know where it’s coming from and how to deal with it. Only then can I make music. I can’t do it when I’m right in the middle of it.”

Did the band come close to breaking up? “In the beginning of that period, I didn’t know if we could come back. Eventually, it was that uncertainty about the future that enabled me to explore the emotions I was having. I was talking to everyone and realised it wasn’t just me going through it. Everyone was having trouble coming up with new music. Of course, we wanted to continue. Music and this band is my passion, but I realised that we had to change the balance. It also helped to realise that there were a lot of new things happening in music, and not just within our scene, so we took inspiration from those sources, too. My heart and roots are in metal and rock, but I like all kinds of music. The challenge was to interpret something that might be happening in pop into our own genre.”

How important was your 2018 solo project My Indigo in getting things moving again? “It forced me to get out of my comfort zone. It made me look at music in different ways and get creative again. A lot of what I learned helped when it came to Resist. The song Firelight was originally written for My Indigo, for example, but we roughened it up a bit and it ended up on Resist, so it was a sort of bridge between the two. Writing rock music again came naturally afterwards, and that was a huge relief. When you’ve done a lot of intimate stuff, the heavier material then seems to come more easily.”

Resist brought new sounds and themes to the table. Is it a one-off or the start of a new era? “We felt like we developed a lot on this album, but overall it’s still only a small step and we hope to take things even further, along similar lines, in future. The album was inspired by the way we live today, with everything done on the internet and the way that takes away our privacy. Often we are not aware of the impact social media has on us, or that certain companies know so much about what we’re doing. There are not enough laws to protect our privacy. Back in the Second World War people would burn archives, for example, to not give away the places that Jewish people were living. But now all that information would be available digitally. We don’t see the whole picture. We turn away from the ways in which data about us and our lives is being stored and used.”

Does it worry you that your children were born into a time where this seems normal? “The scary thing is that the younger generation, such as my children, don’t remember a time when this wasn’t the case. I know it makes me sound really old, but it’s dangerous that young people are so addicted to communicating online, and not in person or even on the phone. They’re in love with it; they don’t want to give it up. When I was young I had to go outside and talk to people and make friends that way. The worst thing for young people now is that they’re trying to do this through a phone screen, and actually they’re alone.”

How do you keep your voice in good nick on long tours? Nightwish’s Floor Jansen says it’s all down to her consumption of red wine, but she might have been joking… “(Laughs) If I’m honest, I also drink a lot of red wine, but I’m not so certain it’s that good for your voice exactly! In fact, being on tour itself helps you to maintain your vocal chords. It’s like a muscle, so it needs training. The more you do it, the smoother it gets. You just need to remember your warming up time. I drink a lot of ginger tea, too, which helps me out, but really, practice is everything.”

Word has it you’re already working on new music. What can you tell us? “I’m leaving for Sweden in order to isolate myself and focus on writing. Robert has been working hard on new music, too. That has been going really well. It’s a continuation from where we were on the last album, but in a more progressive way. We’re in a good flow right now. We want to take the sound we had on Resist and refine it even more. It’s heavy stuff that we’ve been coming up with; both heavy and up-tempo. That’s making me happy!”

[madamlaydebug]

The Great Awakening has begun ★

Anger, hatred, aggression and fear are the food source of the Archons

The Mainstream Media is the last bastion of the “Deep State”

The real question is how do we become conscious?

We all are Slaves to the System

We all want to be free, healthy, educated and live in a peaceful society

Mass Awakening is the Cabal’s greatest Fear

The awakening is erupting. Being awake comes with a price. It may have been difficult and painful going through the stages of awakening, but convincing others by challenging circumstances and conditions to open the eyes and minds of others is even more difficult. It has become a struggle against time when awake and one sees all the injustices that could have easily been avoided.

It’s very sad to see unawakened people being tossed to and fro, without having a clue as to what is really going on. But even that is an “engineered” shake-up designed by the Deep State. Nevertheless, that should help every one of us to come to our senses and surpass this false reality. Millions are flocking to alternative news sources to try to make sense of what’s going on, stumbling across realities they never considered possible, or could have ever imagined before.

If the truth be known, the awake are responsible for sharing it ardently, but also for doing it with a passion. Not always pleasant, but a duty that must be done. The hour is late and the timeframe we are living in is terrible, the necessity brings forth optimal awareness and swift action. There’s no alternative left.

The world is bankrupt financially, economically, and morally, but through manipulation and deceit, people are led to believe that all is well. It’s absolutely absurd that all the bubble assets are at such astronomical highs, while wealth-preservation assets like gold and silver have been totally annihilated through manipulation. The elite and the media continuously fool the people regarding the state of the world.

Anger, hatred, aggression and fear are the food source of the Archons

The tactics employed are comprised of manipulating economies, trade and the masses through fear: fear of war, fear of starvation, fear of economic collapse, imprisonment and death. This state of mind has directed and shaped global events for centuries and has become the standard operating procedure. This process of enslaving civilisations is contrary to the survival drive of humanity and suppresses the natural instinct of all humans to do good and be kind to each other.

Do not view all this madness from a foundation of fear; this will just make you angry and aggressive, which in turn will lead to violence and a perpetuation of this madness. It is hard to remain calm when faced with the hard truth, but it’s what must be done, in order to safely get through this. Anger, hatred, aggression and fear are the sort of emotions that have led to this madness and it is the food source of the Archons. Stop feeding them and help to change our world view completely. In this way, we will change everything for the better, by changing our way of thinking.

Bear in mind; the real purpose of government is, always and everywhere, to enable the few to exploit the many. The credit money system is a clever way of doing so. The bureaucracy will continue to churn out laws, statutes, codes and regulations that reinforce its powers and value systems and those of the police state and its corporate allies, rendering the rest of us petty criminals. The average citizen unknowingly commits three felonies a day, thanks to this overabundance of vague laws that render otherwise innocent activity illegal. As an example, small farmers who dare to make unpasteurised goat cheese and share it with members of their community will continue to have their farms raided.

The Mainstream Media, the last bastion of the “Deep State”

The Mainstream Media is the last bastion of the “Deep State” organised crime network that, over the years in the past, has infiltrated and hijacked most, if not all institutions. But, their days are numbered and the ensuing collapse will most likely be violent and shocking to all those unaware of what is unfolding.

The principal source of the Deep State’s power is their control of the process of creating and distributing money, i.e. their ownership of almost all of the world’s central banks, and multinationals. They have used this money-power to bribe, blackmail and assassinate people at top levels of power in order to enforce their control. They also control the corporate media and have been using every propaganda tool at their disposal to rig society and markets where necessary.

Fortunately, trust in the mainstream media has fallen to an all-time low and continues to plummet. Much of this has to do with an increasingly aware and disgruntled public: More and more people are able to discern a mainstream media totally lacking integrity, thanks to the rising popularity of the independent/alternative media, exposing the dishonesty.

People are increasingly seeing right through the various media sources with their dogmatic, unhealthy sceptics, shills, trolls, pseudo-debunkers, controlled opposition agents, biasing, filtering and in-your-face lies; intended to sell us the spin of disinformation to keep people ignorant, deceived and helplessly anaesthetised in the world’s matrix controlling system.

The real question is how do we become conscious?

Our overwhelming, uncontrollable mass awakening is what the world’s ruling elite fear the most. Since we greatly outnumber them and their associates, they wouldn’t know how to deal with our vast numbers, even with their advanced technology. As a result, the real question is how do we become conscious?

Since ancient times, under the ruling thumb of the world’s Black Nobility or dark overlords, humanity has been hacked, stymied, suppressed and coerced into submission through mind controlling, soul destroying atrocities. Those unable to see that just about every matter under the sun is a deception, that their family and friends are affected in every way imaginable; those who don’t yet realise the extent to which the dark overlords have us tightly stitched up, are indeed about to experience the shock of a lifetime when this entire fraudulent system comes crashing down. What they have clung to as a reality will soon sink into the abyss of Grand Deceptions.

Simply, become conscious by choosing it. By acting on those synchronicities better known as meaningful coincidences. By acting on that which calls, moves and inspires us. Taking action through listening to our inner voice, coming from our inner being; paying attention to our gut feelings and basic instincts.

Choosing to become conscious means detaching one’s self from the mind control programming; escaping the effects of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual prison matrix woven around us by the Globalist’s oppression.

Breaking free from the mind programming and the imposition of others, with multidimensional consciousness, escaping the dualistic confinements of matter, energy and space-time, anything is possible, and the Truth will be revealed. Creating a driving desire to find out more about the truth regarding what is going on in our world. Seeing that the world is in a mess and we are all plodding along, business as usual, expecting someone else to sort it all out. Most of us are too busy earning money and surviving, as surviving, by design, takes up all our time. Most people cannot seem to see beyond that and that is why we are in this mess in the first place.

We have all been manipulated and played. We have all been mesmerised, hypnotised and turned into consumer-driven slaves. Making money for the large corporations and the 0.1% rich of the world is the name of the game, or so we have been programmed. Each day they get richer and richer, finding new ways, like global warming and CO2 emission taxes, to force us to part with our hard-earned money; they are very clever at it. They know how to manipulate the human mind, they know how to get us to spend our money and we don’t even realise it is happening.

Governments extract far too much money from us, and we use almost all of our time on Earth working for this money. They leave every family with a small amount to spare, while the really wealthy manage to avoid paying their taxes through carefully engineered loopholes.

The real purpose of government is, always and everywhere, to enable the few to exploit the many. The money system is a clever way of doing so.

We all are Slaves to the System

The modern world of industry, commerce, and investment works on win-win software. Only governments with their conflicts, wars, taxes, tariffs, ‘do-this laws’, and ‘don’t-do-that prohibitions’, continue to operate on pre-civilised programming. It is a relic, an institution with a ‘grab whatever we can grab’ mentality.

A trade war is just as phony as a war on drugs, a war on crime, or a war on terror. None are worth fighting for. And none are winnable. It is meant to reward the elite at others’ expense. Nothing more, nothing less. Think of it, we are all, quite simply, slaves to the system! The people at the bottom are paying for the people at the top to keep their lavish life styles. We pay our taxes and any money that is left over is coveted by major corporations.

We are bombarded with adverts continuously, telling us to buy more stuff we don’t need. We are encouraged to spend, spend and then spend some more. We replace everything, even when it doesn’t need replacing. We need to get out of this mentality.

We need to re-cycle, re-use and make do with what we have. We have all been brainwashed into this consumerism insanity. It’s all been smoke and mirrors, mind-games, played out on the world stage, aiming to keep us all in a state of awe and fear.

We all want to be free, healthy, educated, and live in a peaceful society

Our subconscious minds have been conditioned to see only what differentiates us, rather the things that bind us. Believe it or not, we’re extremely similar in all aspects.

We may come from different backgrounds or different cultures, but we all have the same basic values in life. We all want to be free, healthy, educated, to live in a peaceful society and to have access to the basic necessities for survival. That’s about it. Wherever we live in the world. Basically, all we really want is to be happy and healthy.

Instead, we have wars, hunger, insecurity, homelessness, and many around the world don’t have access to clean water and food. And it’s all by design because, people who are constantly “on the edge” don’t have time for self-education, introspection and eventually spiritual awakening.

We all are the victims of mass propaganda and brainwashing. It has reached the point where families choose to believe the media and the governments of the world, rather than members of their own family and friends who have woken up to the truth and are attempting to warn them and awaken them.

The truth can be frightening and that is why people want to avoid it. They would rather stick their heads in the sand like an ostrich, believing that as long as they choose not to look at it, it will not exist. Unfortunately for them, Truth has a way of existing, even in the face of ridicule and denial. It does not need the approval of a counterparty to become legitimate. Truth simply Is. Once you know the truth, you can never go back, even if you want to. The truth cannot be unseen; once seen, the truth stays with you forever. In any event, be assured, the truth will come out in the end, as it always does.

The truth comes at a cost – it will end all the lies and the illusions that people previously based their entire lives on. And that is an on-going process. – Many feel lost and afraid right now all across the spectrum of humanity. This deliberate creation of chaos is designed to do just that. However, parallel and simultaneous to their psychotic designs, a massive arousal of the human spirit is occurring, spurred on by an arising of conscious awareness and a deep sense of growing personal realisation and empowerment.

Most may not recognise these rising, seemingly confusing energetic changes, as being the creative process at work, but it is, THE GREAT AWAKENING. First, preceding this creativity is a destructive process, eliminating everything that is unreal and inhibitive of personal development and progress. These two dynamics work alongside each other.

The Elite see us as their slaves, our sole purpose being to provide them with our energy money, so that they can follow their master plan, bringing about the New World Order.

We have procreated very well and are now, in their view, overrunning the planet, so they now want to cull a large number of us. Hence GMO’s, fluoride, chemtrails, vaccinations and the endless wars; all these things lower our immunity for whatever they have planned for us.

They want us to be in a state of eternal slumber, hypnotised and brainwashed by their omnipresent propaganda and most of us have unwittingly complied with their wishes. But, we are more powerful than them and they know it, which is why they have been so patient. Humanity is waking up, slowly but surely.

One of the reasons humanity cannot grasp what is going on, is because these creatures are so evil, that it’s hard to believe just how vile they are. And people are actually right in their disbelief of these atrocities: human beings cannot be this cruel!

Humans are not at the pinnacle of this diabolical plan, it is a Reptilian agenda, and Reptilians cannot experience positive emotions. They are simply unable to care for others or to experience noble emotions, such as love or empathy. They are driven by fear, hate, rivalry and competition. The truth is far stranger and more incredible than we can imagine, say whistle-blowers like Corey Goode.

Will our mass awakening to the deception produce a turnaround, into a world that makes a difference for everyone? A world where there are no predators, no controlling hierarchy, no blood-sucking vampires, slave-drivers at the top, ruling the enslaved at the bottom. No more fighting for self-sufficiency, because we will achieve everything in the communities we live in.

It is up to all of us to contribute our part.

Source: Final Wakeup Call

LOVE; ONE Inner Light & a New Earth to EveryONE ★

[prynne-and-prejudice]

Anarchy, Isolation, and the Path to Redemption in The Scarlet Letter

Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter may be set in Puritan Massachusetts in the 1600s, but it deals with topics that are prevalent in modern society and throughout history: sin and redemption. These theology-based concepts have provided reasoning for the persecution of unique thought throughout history, especially when the source of that thought is women or other minorities. Those who refuse to conform to the standard way of thought are often labeled heretics and are alienated or persecuted for expression of their ideas. Hawthorne shows that ostracization and its effect on the human psyche is a serious moral consequence of sin and redemption in the eyes of an ordered society is achievable only through the sacrifice of the individual’s livelihood and conformity to the rules of society.

Throughout the novel, Hawthorne emphasizes that a key aspect of basic human nature is an innate desire for an ordered society and the need to fit into this order. Humans are social creatures whose instincts compel them to seek acceptance from others to better their chances of survival. The best way to maintain order and receive acceptance is by forming a structured government and set of laws that all people must abide by to keep the peace. When an individual rejects society by breaking a rule, he or she threatens that existing order and inspires anarchy. If one person can break the rules for individual gain, why must others abide by the law? The only way to deter others from committing similar acts is by isolating the individual, whether socially or physically. After she commits adultery, the Boston magistrates alienate Hester Prynne from the other townspeople by forcing her to wear the scarlet letter, which serves as a constant reminder of her sin to both herself and those she interacts with. Hawthorne describes the effect of the letter as “more intolerable to a woman’s heart than that which branded the brow of Cain” (Hawthorne 130). Other townspeople view Hester as spiritually impure and make a point to give Hester a wide berth and avoid any interaction with her. Hawthorne shows this by mentioning that, while at a public event, “wherever Hester stood, a small, vacant area- a sort of magic circle -had formed itself about her” (Hawthorne 370). It almost seems that the townspeople believe sin is contagious and panic at Hester’s mere presence.

The panic that results from an individual’s rejection of the law is also a factor in Reverend Dimmesdale’s decision not to confess to his involvement in the affair with Hester Prynne. The townspeople base their moral codes on strict Puritan values and consider some sins irredeemable, which consigns the sinner to a life of alienation. In a conversation with Roger Chillingworth, Dimmesdale expounds upon the consequences of confessing one’s sins, saying, “no good can be achieved by them [sinners]; no evil of the past be redeemed by better service” (Hawthorne 206). Dimmesdale believes that, had he chosen to confess his sin, he would be unable to act for good in the world due to his isolation from society. In Puritan society, where church and state were so closely intertwined, a religious violation or sin would lead not only to rejection by religious groups, but to rejection by society as a whole.

Alienation from society can be detrimental to the individual and studies have found that “loneliness is associated with more depressive symptoms, hostility, and perceived stress” (Cacioppo et al.). Hester must deal with these consequences of loneliness when she is isolated from the town. She is isolated both socially and physically by moving to a cottage hidden on the outskirts of town, with only her daughter for company. She makes no attempts to fight for her reentry into society and even rejects a late offer by the magistrates to remove the scarlet letter because she feels that this ostracization is her way of condoning for her sins. Hester stays in her remote cottage fashioning clothes for the poor and Hawthorne speculates that “it is probable that there was an idea of penance in this mode of occupation” (Hawthorne 130). Through being isolated from the rest of the town, Hester becomes more self-sufficient and grows stronger in the face of adversity. She uses her position as an outcast to tend to others who need assistance, but are often considered inferior, such as the poor or dying, but she is still unable to shed the stigma of sin through her righteous actions. Dimmesdale grows weaker during this time due to the weight of his actions on his conscience. The minister knows that he should face the same isolation and scorn from the town, but is too cowardly to confess. Dimmesdale uses self-inflicted torture to separate himself from the “righteous” townspeople because he knows that he should be isolated from society as punishment for his sin like Hester is. He even experiences visions in which Hester “points her forefinger first at the scarlet letter on her bosom, and then at the clergyman’s own breast”, which shows that he feels he should be condemned for his part in their shared sin (Hawthorne 228).

Hester reaches redemption in the eyes of the townspeople because she “had no selfish ends, nor lived in any measure for her own profit and enjoyment” (Hawthorne 416). Hester sacrifices her individuality and desires in order to regain her place in society, which socially redeems her. By proving that she acts for the good of society as a whole rather than acting against the law out of selfish desires, Hester settles the panic that results from a break in the world’s order. Dimmesdale is never redeemed on Earth not because he experienced no punishment for his sin, but because he was never alienated in the first place. When Hester asks Dimmesdale if his soul has been redeemed through his good works, he replies, “What can a ruined soul, like mine, effect towards the redemption of other souls?” (Hawthorne 302). He cannot be redeemed because, through his cowardice, he never faced the full extent of his penance in the form of rejection by the people.

The social nature of humans, combined with their desire for ordered society and a need to belong, is what makes ostracization a major moral consequence of sin. While Hester experiences this ostracization from society by wearing the scarlet letter, Dimmesdale faces no such punishment because he does not confess, for fear of losing his position in society. The alienation from society that Hester experiences saddens her, but also allows her to grow stronger and more independent. Dimmesdale’s guilt resulting from his avoidance of Hester’s punishment weakens him both mentally and physically over time. Hester is able to be redeemed because she sacrifices her desires for the good of the town as a whole. Dimmesdale was never truly condemned in the eyes of his parishioners, who venerate him, so it is impossible for him to be redeemed by them. Hawthorne uses Hester and Dimmesdale’s parallel journey through atoning for their sins to establish how an individual’s reaction to sin’s moral consequences can affect its results. One serious moral consequence of sin is ostracization from society and the only path to redemption is the well-trodden road of conformity. Only by sacrificing one’s individual livelihood for the good of society can one truly be redeemed and regain their place in society.

Works Cited

Cacioppo, John T, et al. “Loneliness as a Specific Risk Factor for Depressive Symptoms: Cross-Sectional and Longitudinal Analyses.” Psychology and Aging, U.S. National Library Medicine, Mar. 2006, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16594799. Accessed 1 Oct. 2019.

Hawthorne, Nathaniel. The Scarlet Letter. New York: Spark Publishing, 2009. Print.

[iamsamway]

More thoughts on Love

Thoughts on Love – Here, inspired by your thoughts on what ‘True Love’ is on Instagram are some of my ideas, and also thoughts and from some of the most seminal figures in literature who have made it part of their life’s work to understand and feel the depth of all this four letter word inspires. Lastly - a poem of my own...just because...

 I have heard of Love spoken about as being the most fundamental force in the universe. It’s difficulty with words, themselves trappings, to wrestle with the vast and complex feelings - and the many ways Love can manifest in our heads, bodies and spirits – that this word in particular (the most overused in all song writing) inspires.

 On true Love - I think there is Love in truth, as there is truth in Love, but what is true is always subjective on experience. Even what is objective, what can be seen and agreed on, is often looked at from a singular paradigm, our unique way of interpreting the world. Honest love, could be a condition of ‘True Love’ , faithful love could also be one, and from there having faith in Love itself as a force that could guide you ‘Truly’, that is to say ‘Well’ is an interesting idea.

 True love is always felt in the present, in this moment. I think it’s a deep, accepting, surrendering, peaceful and life affirming, spiritual experience that is not necessarily dependant on gazing into the eyes of somebody else, but can be found on our own too. Maybe it’s right there in front of you, or within you all along. Can we practise ‘True love’ in all we do? By finding a quality of presence, a commitment to our passions, acting from our centre with all the compassion me can rouse, a kindness to ourselves, the earth, and the people circling our lives.

 Some say true love is unconditional – it doesn’t need to posses, and loves for the sake of loving alone, and one could argue, it doesn’t just survive the test of time, or the trials of life, but exists outside of them both entirely. Something not so much ‘lost’ or ‘gained’ but more something you become reconnected too.

 Finally, I think to say that an experience of ‘True Love’ could almost be like a meditation, it takes great discipline, but it’s something you can ultimately bring conscious practise too.

...

 A note on self love –  (I wrote this back in 2012…jeeeeezzzz)

Do you love yourself?

And if you don’t…then I urge you, with all your might, to discover why.

Understanding this is the first step on what I feel is the most important journey we can ever go on. The journey of love. It’s no doubt one of the hardest, but also maybe the most rewarding. Now the love I talk about here has nothing to do with vanity, or narcissism but more a deep, constantly connected feeling of self worth, respect and care. This is not a love that loves on some days and not on others, this love is unconditional, this love is constant, this love is transformative. For only when we have built this unconditional love in ourselves, will we be able to shower it, purely, on others, and in turn, let others really love us back.

If you fundamentally believe yourself to be unlovable and are using love as an escape from yourself – when someone ‘brilliant, and amazing’ – all the things you think you’re not - turns to say they love you, they distort your own worldview, they make you wrong. How could ‘they’, love someone like ‘you’ you might think to you yourself, so firmly attached, and ignorant, to your own script, they must not be all you thought they were in the first place, and you hence you sabotage everything because nothing discredits them further than loving the ‘un-loveable’ YOU..

So can we even begin to build this unconditional love in ourselves?  What’s stopping you? A pain in the past? The way you look in the mirror? Somebody else? You’re the only one who knows, and you’re the only who can do anything about it. Know this - you are deserving of love, no matter what, and remember this love, this unconditional love, accepts you for all that you are, for all that you’ve done and for all that you’ll do. If you believe in a God, this is the sort of love God would give you…so…be your own God…inspire that love in yourself, and through that, inspire others too.

Thoughts from others -

…

 The Art of loving. By Erich Fromm……. 

In attempting to Understand Love (point 30 something in my Bucket List – See below) I’ve been reading ‘The Art of Loving’ by Erich Fromm.  First published in 1957, some of his views are old fashioned, but regardless an exceptionally insightful book. Here summarised my thoughts. All quotes are from the book…which I highly recommend you read.

Is love an art? Should we treat it as one? And is love the most sacred art, a lost one perhaps, that we can devote our life too? Any artist works at his art, constantly seeking to improve and adjust his theoretical understanding and engaging himself physically in the experiences that will lead him to the next level; the next level of depth and understanding.  A real artist shows commitment to his art..and this…this real commitment to love is maybe what we’re missing.

In our culture we’ve come to adopt a view that ‘love’ is this magical, illusive thing that comes from nowhere, sweeps us away and recues us from the fear of being alone. Love in this capacity is fleeting, inconsistent and temperamental…all traits I’m sure we can agree one does not want in a lover. “Most people see the problem of love as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love.” Hence the question arises ‘Am I lovable? How can I make myself more so? More pretty, More desirable. How can I make people fall in love with me?’ These are the questions we ask, questions that make us feel depressed and un-worthy when really we should be turning the emphasis inward and really asking ‘How can I increase my capacity to love.’ In the society we live in, one driven by the free markets and our insatiable appetite to consume, we have been conditioned to swallow everything, films, food, sights and people. “We have become a commodity, alienated from our fellow men and from ourselves. Transformed into a commodity” and this brings up feeling of anxiety, fear, and separateness. We have built a world where love is on the bottom of peoples priorities. How much am I worth? Am I a good investment? Our society is built to run on fear…So where is loves role in all this? How can we re-orient ourselves around love and escape from cyclical consumption?

 “The deepest need of man is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave his prison of aloneness”

Do you feel alone? We were born into the natural world, in touch with it and it was a part of us. You only have to look at all the totems and practises of tribal cultures to see just how important our relationship with nature was. And it still is, but I think sometimes we forget this. Now as we move farther and farther away from nature, away from living in a supportive communities, as we used to,  it’s no wonder that now more than ever we feel alone. I don’t know any of my neighbours. Riding the tube into London everyone is silent, in their own world, playing games on their I-phone or zoning out to music which throbs in their ears. There are people all around you, but still, you’re alone. Now I ask the question….Can one person truly complete you? In the present climate is there a danger that love is being idealised as the only path to salvation?

I think it takes great strength to be alone. Some of the most creative and influential people in the world were solitary creatures. Being able to be alone is really important. (I highly recommend reading the book Solitude by Anthony Storr to find out more about the link between creativity and isolation) But one man in no man and we need each other to flourish. Eric Fromm believes there are different ways to attain this unity we all desire but the “full answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, of fusion with another person in love"

What do you think? Is love being put on a pedestal as our last hope for connection or like Erich do you believe that a mature, reciprocal, joyous and active love - a love we stand in rather than ‘fall’ into, can transform our lives.

From, OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS, THE GUEST

What is love? Love is the fragrance, the radiance of knowing oneself…of being oneself…Love is overflowing joy. Love is when you have seen who you are, and then there is nothing left except, to share your being with others. Love is when you have seen that you are not separate from existence. Love is when you have felt orgasmic unity with all that is. Love is not a relationship. Love is a state of being. It has nothing to do with anybody else. One is not in love. One is love. And of course when one is love, one is in love - but that is an outcome, a by-product, that is not the source. The source is that one is love.

 ...

And Lastly – a poem –

 The last poem I wrote, Love, and everything that come with it – the catalyst

  We dug

 We dug

Into earth that

Was harder than most

 We dug, and dug

Deeper still together

Until our hearts could take no more

Until we finally struck the reality of us

 In our weathered hands

Our golden promise

Was only copper

 So we downed our tools

And went to sleep

In separate homes

 ***

 I had always wished our dreams come true

I had always thought we were dreamers, you and I

More than we were diggers

 And yet look at the hole we made

 ***

 I often think of the ground we moved together

Of the pleasures of our sweat

Of the tears that bore us on

And all our stories

 Both of us buried in them

As we deepened into each other

And into the ground

 It’s all treasure

It’s all treasure really

All of it

 But, I do wonder

Where you’ll go now

And what I’ll find too

Now that we’re out of that hole

 We dug

[paganchristian]

Tree branches at twilight, with the water and sky behind them, that we saw a while ago, when I was into taking more pictures again, for a while, ago, and then stopped and how I’ve started once more, and then I was into blogging but now I’m into blogging again in a different way, different subjects, rather, and different audience, or potential audience, separating myself from any particular crowd mostly I feel.  Anyway, when I see this picture I see a heart, in the shape of overlapping branches, there, where there is a patch of sky with branches in front.  It looks like a heart in branches and leaves, woven into patterns.  A heart that is drenched in shadow, outlined by the strong branches of trees, tangled between two trees that make the heart together.  Maybe the heart is found in the shadows, sometimes.  In the shadow, the shadow of the psyche.  Or also it could be found in the shadow of life, the darkness and pain, the need, lack, failure, humility, breaking out of assumptions and worldviews, seeking out what love is there to be found, to ease the pain.  Seeking out the love in ourselves or in our connection to something mysterious that can love ourselves even if it’s not us, but what can come channeled to us.  As the spirits and energy helped me to love myself but as much and far more really, they loved me, adored me, in perfect ways and ecstatic visions, deep insights, intricate perfect messages to me, to make me see in myself, in life, in others, in God, in insight and possibility and what not everything that I could never even dream of, delivered in perfect words for me, exact what I needed messages, symbols and feelings, so memorable, and ever fresh.  Always new, repeated, poured forth on me, like a waterfall of grace, never tiring of adoring me and healing and delighting and fascinating and inspiring and energizing me.  Me, of all people, why me, full of problems, lack, and horrible weakness and terrible mental and spiritual illness, heart destroyed, cold, empty, mind a sludge of nothingness and stupidity, numbness and fog.  Creativity, insight, personality all decayed and pathetic, lost from whatever beauty and goodness and love and creativity I had once had, but they adored me back into something that became healed.  Then, through all of this, in all their adoration, they helped me to change, believe in myself, heal myself, love myself, want to live, and improve.  All these ideas of self-loathing, personal worthlessness, helplessness and submission, being controlled and a mere tool, inherently nothing and despicable, in the eyes of God, I cannot see how such  way would have ever found me buried like I was, back then, in horror and lostness.  But it didn’t find me, what found me and healed me was something so far outside religion or new age and spiritual constructs of any sort that I’d seen anywhere else.  It was my own unique individual visions of spirit and of people in astral visions that I had.  There was another thing that would be seen as extremely taboo in many religious contexts, but not in others, like Hindu religions, which is that these visions I had were usually very romantic too, but not always.  The most involved and most healing of them were though.  And there were visions of God as lover and there were visions of astral people as lovers and there were visions of a polyamorous type, where I was not committed to any one person, and there were then later visions where I was asked to be committed, and it was much better, but then there were visions where the one who asked me to commit became horribly unfaithful to me, which ended that particular string of visions with them because they were repulsive to me because of the nature of the unfaithfulness which seemed particularly meaningless (and some of these visions did contain things that hurt and confused me, yet overall there was much more healing than hurt and they saved my life often and healed my mind, heart and soul and even body, it often felt too). 

Now I have my family to care for and I wonder if I can be just as gracious, though not as unbelievably immense and overflowing my love and insight, and not as full of bliss and adoration and of course not the romantic and sensual nature of it all, that I had.  But as a friend, or as a family member, with all the limits of that.  Could I find how to somehow be so loving and forget all the fear, all the lack, blame, shame, and focus most primarily just on joy, hope, faith, courage, respect, self-love, healing, adoring them, ...  Innocence, peace, mindfulness, beauty, fun, silliness, everything positive?  What finds love in the darkness?  Is it just often things that are most bright and joyful, not tangled, but not denying and shunning the tangled things, just not adding more and more to that all, there is enough already. The time for attacking the tangles in a more aggressive, analytical, critical manner might be later on, as it is happening now for me many years down the road after all this adoration and joy was what healed me and seemed needed more than anything or instead of anything else, mostly, even though all that time that I had all of this adoring love visions I also had the divination and other things, so I was actually diving in the deep of confusion too but it was only so much, not too much.  And then even the visions of love when they betrayed, hurt or confused me, that too taught me a lot about myself, about life and about others, and the soul, the heart, sprit, the limitations, needs, problems of these things.  I feel that was really an immense source of healing for me, to untangle the problems of the human heart and soul and mind an d relationships from the safe distance of astral visions and such rather than real in person relationships, which were harder to let go of, more real.  It was like I was living through intense, real-seeming waking dreams, to give me love, physical healing, complex mental answers, beautiful ideas and inspiration, bliss and euphoria, and to give me lessons on the problematic nature of things and how to overcome those wrongs and detach and see them clearly, in myself and in others’ wrongs and the world’s wrongs, human nature and cultures’ wrongs too.

And if I have to feel, like I felt before, that kind of overpowering, all-consuming lack, shame, fear, confusion, lostness, hurt, rejection, dejection, anger, coldness, total distaste and disgust for all, even myself,,... as I felt all of this at points in my life, if I have to ever feel that way or anything approaching some of that overpowering hell, if not all of it,..  But if I ever must face such things one day, then,...  Will I find my way back to center, to love again, just like I did before?  How many times can the prodigal son (or daughter) fall before God is not willing to take you back again?  When the world was the one to blind and delude you and push you down?  Perhaps religions and spirituality and love relationships and family, school, friends,...  and the body and the brain you were born with, society, culture, a toxic environment, supposed healthy food full of harmful toxins, allergens and adulterated, harmfully processed, and mislabeled ingredients, the frantic pace of life, and enforced norms of mindless delusion and noise, all around you,  and family, friends, relationships, love, marriage, workplace all demand or corner and force you to keep up or you’ll be abandoned, ill and unable to support your most basic of needs,...  And all the mindless speed, the complete and pervasive mindlessness in all ways, the competition, blame, hate, denial, repression, voicelessness, isolation, total hatred people, culture, religion, and society give you, and you were brainwashed into giving yourself the same abuse too... And if all of those things are what held you down and trapped and destroyed you, would God leave you there to die? 

Maybe in that kind of situation like it’s felt for much of my stretched thin to burst, decaying and trapped misery of a life, as it has felt... Maybe then in those cases, when I’m asking myself in that hell,...   the question of how to find peace, joy and love and meaning and  goodness ...  then it could be that I am to find this love again if I can find it just as I did before, and this love, and God��s love was never forsaking me, but all this love and God’s love, they were always there, and always hidden in some secret door if I find it, ...  Deep down under, withing some hidden trail, some tunnel or passageway, some secret key, the twist to the horror fairytale, the waking up from the nightmare,...And, opening up as I did, my opening up seemed to open it up to me.  These certain ways that I opened up and it flowed in like magic to me.  Then maybe I could help my loved ones find that if they were open to opening up and letting spirit flow into their lives that way if it would like it did for me.  And though religions often would say, oh no, delusion, danger, evil spirits, etc, don't do that, but if I have to choose to be right or to be happy, as was put by someone, regarding the questions of religions and dogmas and such, versus compassion, love, and joy to be found, what if there is a middle way too?  What if it’s neither right (as in correct), nor happy, but just good, just love,...  What is the closest thing to real love I can find, to real goodness, that I can know and believe is good the best I can see or feel or experience?  It might not always make me feel happy but it gives me enough meaning and deep inner joy and even if I don’t have certainty that it’s correct and right in any logical, proven sense, I can hang on through the lowest of the lows and maybe the need to be correct is often an illusion of the ego indeed, because so many people who are convinced they’re correct really are not but they fight and oppress others over it.  Even if you were correct is it a reason to judge and afflict those who aren’t?  There needs to be room for doubt and self-questioning or it seems we are deluding ourselves, perhaps deluding ourselves that God said so, the infallible God, and that is why we are so convinced of our correctness. A logical trick we play on ourselves and are forevermore blinded to change, unless someone can shake us free to question it deeply, openly, sincerely, honestly, ...  But if not ,then the human mind and heart aren’t infallible.  I forgive it and move on for my own self. I forgive my past self who was so convinced of my rightness too, about certain wrong things.

[rosyscorp]

The Composite Chart & The 12th House: The Ghost At The Door 

And now we come to the house that causes more furrowed brows than any other. It’s bad enough that we have difficulties with the 12th house when it involves the natal chart, but it often is downright cruel when we’re trying to negotiate it’s slippery slopes in a composite. It confuses us, as is appropriate with a house that Neptune rules. We feel it has a nebulous, yet mysteriously powerful influence on our lives when we have planets there, even though we can’t quite fathom the type of influence it wields–are we being seduced to a precipitous cliff by external forces, or are the demons within driving us to the edge? Whatever the motive, we know we are facing some sort of extreme–and a choice.

One thing is certain, and that is planets in the 12th house don’t behave like any other. The 12th house is the culmination of all that has come before it–it’s our last chance, our last ride, and planets there can often go to extremes without knowing why (they can blame it on the limitless nature of Pisces, which respects no boundaries). Planets in the 12th can behave in one of several ways. Either the energy of the planet is lost, confused, diffused and (at least in our early years) ineffective, or the planet can completely embody its archetype for all to see, often after overcoming great difficulties and reversals, sometimes in extreme circumstances. The house is famous for being the house of ‘self-undoing’, but it can also be the house where we find our fame and fortune. The twelfth house is about vocation, our divine calling, and is a very different energy from the status-oriented tenth. Fame has its roots in the 12th because that is where we can serve as an example of a prime archetype–we can embody the zeitgeist of our age. We move from the personal world, giving up our individuality along the way, to become a plaything of the collective unconscious.

What the twelfth house demands of us always is that we give the ego a rest, but often challenges regarding the ego are exactly what we have to face with twelfth house planets. We feel that our twelfth house planets don’t ‘work’ the way our other planets do, or the way that same planet seems to behave in other people’s charts. Sometimes the twelfth house energies become lost, and we create false gods from what we cannot find within us (for example, those with Leo on the 12th house cusp may worship creative expression, but not be able to find it in themselves). A recent class in assassins revealed that the victims often had many planets in the shooter’s 12th house. There is, without a doubt, an element of longing in the 12th. This is the empty space, the place where we are not like others, the place where the pieces don’t fit. And this is where we must reach out beyond our small lives to touch the greater life that is possible.
Now, what to think of this powerful symbolism in the composite chart?

Like individuals with 12th house planets, couples with a lot of twelfth house may feel that there is something fated about their lives together. Something is whispering in their ears. It is not so much a question of choice, more that the universe has chosen for them to be together (at least, that’s what it feels like). It’s a bit like getting knocked off your feet by a powerful wave–you and your partner are going to have to swim in the tide for a while, and deal with whatever watery beasties swim your way. I”ve seen couples with a heavy 12th house influence utterly befuddled and bedazzled by their lives (which don’t go the way their friends’ lives go). It isn’t that they’re unhappy–no, they seem to go more the extreme of bliss altering with despair. On the one hand “We are meant to be…” on the other, “But if we are, why is it so hard?”

When a couple has planets, or an important planet, in the 12th, it can go a couple of ways. One, that planet’s energy can be confused and diffused in their lives, especially when in difficult aspect to other things in the composite. You don’t want, on the whole, a composite Mars in the 12th square to Neptune, unless you are missionaries or you plan to open up a swimming pool installation company. It usually indicates that there is something karmic surrounding that planet that needs fixing–it is, in a prior life, something that was missed or misused between them. It’s the last chance to get it right, and there will be a struggle to use this planet’s positive expression easily. In contrast, couples who come together to create something for the collective often have the appropriate planets in the composite 12th, there for all to see. (One expression does not contra-indicate the other.)

This ‘last chance’ element, sadly, often leads us to relationships that are destined to exist only to fix this thing–when the lesson is learned, both these people move on. It often indicates couples who seem to have a lot of shared experience and shared history–even if they are new to one another, it feels ‘old.’ They recognize one another when they meet. They seem bonded before a word is spoken. We romanticize all of this (and well, a little romance never hurt anyone) but the truth is that this familiarity is there to ‘hurry up’ the bonding process so that the lessons and the challenges can be quickly assimilated. These are the couples who are magnetically attracted to one another and who, after making the necessary commitments, find themselves on strange and unfamiliar territory.

Couples where the 12th is strong can often experience–well, let’s say it–Neptunian weirdness. Telepathy, visiting one another out of body, lucid dreaming where they communicate with one another, strange psychic links and melding of the two energetic bodies. (You can have this without the 12th of course, but the 12th is inclined to it.) This can happen in composites of unrequited love, where one person loves another who doesn’t know he or she exists. Now, you can either say it’s karma, or you can say that person A is psychologically hooking onto the archetype formed with person B’s chart, but whatever it is, it can be a very powerful pull. I’m not quick to say its an illusion, but it’s not quite ‘real’ either, and you can get into some dangerous territory in the 12th by telling yourself things that aren’t really true. The weirdness of the 12th usually happens when one or both of the other parties has a heavy 12th influence in the natal.

Again, sadly, this being the 12th, most of the time the lesson is learning to love and then let go. Neptune’s great teaching is that love is a powerful force in and of itself, and should not be used as a binder. Neptune, as the higher octave of Venus, is all about connections, and the 12th house allows us to dissolve the boundaries of ordinary life in order to reach out beyond our mundane reality. Those of us with composite 12th emphasized will be asked to step away from the mundane and step into the world of the extraordinary, where unlikely connections are day to day things. Sometimes we will be asked to make leaps of faith. Oftentimes, once we surrender to the powers of the 12th house, our lives are transformed by meaning, because those unlikely connections have brought us a wisdom beyond our time together. Eventually, we learn that life is not as random as we thought, but full of purpose and meaning. It may have felt like chaos, but later on we know that there was method to the madness.

Couples with a heavy 12th house/ 6th house polarity have to find a way to put their wisdom to some practical use. It often helps to work together on projects they find meaningful, or to spend some time doing community or charity work. Once they have hammered out their imbalance (too little, too much is often a theme with the 12th) they must find a way to make something real of their inspiration. Find a way to bring the god down to the day to day world, so that it, too, is considered sacred. It’s a huge task, but often one the 12th house couple is uniquely suited for.

You may now be more confused about the 12th house than you were at the beginning of this piece, but such is the nature of the 12th, beautiful and terrible. We are fated, but we are meant to part. We have a meaningful journey to take together, but we must ultimately be alone. Our lives are silly and sublime at once. We have the ultimate intimacy side by side with the knowledge of ultimate separateness. We grasp for the handrail, and find nothing to hold on to. We fall, and find the world.


(source)

[oxcoxa]

Getting started

Hi everyone! My name’s Kate. It’s super nice to meet you! I’m an artist and this is my first blog post. I hope this blog will be focused on what I’ve been up to, and more importantly, sharing some of my process and experiences related to the world of illustration. 

Here’s a gif of me introducing myself...!

I thought I’d start out by talking about a fitting subject matter, how to get started on a drawing.

So, how do you get started? There can be a lot of roadblocks in creative work of any kind, and I want to share a few things that help me get going and/or bring a project to completion. When we get started on the process of creative work, we might have a ton of motivation, we might feel inspired, or we might not be feeling it but we are forced to start (either from self-discipline or usually in the case of a client project). 

Acknowledging that this can be a challenging process, there are a few strategies that I use to get through moments of hesitation. 

For me, using one or more of these 5 thought directives can help to jumpstart my imagination and get me through the workday.

1. Activate the blank page.

Some people might call this warming up, but since I may or may not take initial scribbles and sketches all the way to the end of the process, I like to describe it as “activation”. Since I like drawing characters, I’ll usually start by blocking in extremely general shapes and lines that describe a gesture for the character. Since I’m not overly committed to any of these marks at the start, it makes the starting approach a little more manageable. Using an eraser and light pencil marks that don’t push into and damage the paper (if you want really clean lines, don’t leave any dents as it will interrupt your surface), we can play around with emotive poses and postures that describe the body language of the character. If we find a series of lines that we feel work for the drawing, we can begin to commit to those lines and continue building up value over time. Eventually, this will lead to a more realized image that is built on expressive line and bold experimentation. And, added bonus, your hand will be all warmed up too!

2. Look through old sketchbooks and revive old ideas.

Though it can be somewhat painful to leaf through old sketchbooks, it can be worth it when we’ve hit a creative roadblock and need something to re-energize our process. Sometimes, we may find a past drawing that challenges us to re-create it from a - new and improved - present perspective. This can be really empowering because we can, point blank, see where we have improved over time and where we may be stagnant in our quest for artistic improvement. Since we have already had some experience with drawing the subject matter in our old sketch, we can reinforce the lessons we’ve learned since creating the initial drawing. The new drawing is bound to impress upon its completion, since you will be able to see all of your improvements, and this is super satisfying. Sharing the images on social media also promotes your progress as an artist, and will likely serve as inspiration to other artists who aspire to improve as well. Giving back to the community is always good, and you might get some pats on the back along the way!

3. Have faith that things will improve.

Making art is hard. That’s why it takes practice and discipline! As we bolster our skill through day-to-day drawing and painting and take the time to improve how we see the world, our progress may not always be so obvious. It is always really satisfying when a drawing just goes the way we want it to, but that is not always the reality of practice. When we have faith in ourselves and are determined not to give up on our work despite the challenges, we always come out learning something that we will use in the future, whether we like it or not. If a drawing isn’t going the way we planned, it doesn’t mean you won’t learn something along the way about how to achieve your goal in the future. In fact, persistent practice can be a way for us to learn about the specifics of our goals and motivation. Which leads me to my next point...!

4. You do you.

Sometimes people may have strong opinions about who they expect you to be as an artist. My advice is to draw what you want to draw and don’t let anybody bully you into creating work about something other than what you love. It’s great to take on challenges and open up your subject matter when you feel things might be getting stagnant, or if you want to improve on something that doesn’t come naturally to you. But, don’t be bullied into not drawing because someone believes you should only be making one kind of art. You’ll learn leagues more from drawing something, anything, that you are truly interested in, than if you try and force yourself into another person’s idea of who you are as an artist. Sketching can be a way of processing and understanding our thoughts, which otherwise only exist in our mental space. We can begin to understand ourselves, our goals, and our place in the world through this process, so don’t let anyone thwart you or bully you out of it! It’s too valuable and personal of an experience to let someone just take it away.

5.  You don’t always need a purpose or goal.

Related to point 4, we don’t always need a goal to get started. Sometimes creating artwork with a specific meaning behind it can be super motivating, such as in any kind of activist art. But, one of the magical parts of sketching and drawing is that it can reveal things about who we are and what we care about. It can be a way of determining what our goals are and how we might execute them in the future. Listen to your instincts while making work, and let yourself draw from many sources as you go. If we trust ourselves and have patience, we will sort out our goals over time, which can continue to serve us motivation.

Time to get started! Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, and I really hope these tips help you along in your illustration and art journey as much as they have helped me.

Let me know what helps to get you started on an illustration or drawing!

Don’t forget to add me on instagram @oxcoxa, where I frequently post progress videos and finished drawings in all their glory! 

Let me know if you liked this post, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. Until next time!