#so that's my third layer yeah them talking behind the scenes is so important to me

[mitamicah]

Spoilers from both Trollhunters the book and Trollhunters the series!

While reading the book I was really impressed with how many differences there were between the character so I have worked on giving my take on six characters from both media, book vs series, and how they differ from each other :3 

I should mention that while there was illustrations in the book I tried for the challenge not to copy those but follow along the describtions in the book - when possible - to give my own interpretation of the characters ^v^ 

Steve

First up we have Steve. Starting out as the stereotypical bully in both version their paths seperates quickly resulting in two different ending for the musuclar blond Jorgensen-Warner is the book version of Steve. Here's how he is described from our first encounter with him: "He was handsome but in the oddest way- He eyes were too small and his nose piggish: he had a ridiculous amount of hair and a couple of teeth that looked like fangs. Yet somehow in combination these features were sort of mesmerising. His unnatural muscular bulk and odd way of speaking -crisply, politely, as if he were a foreign student who had learned English in class - completed the strange package." page 21-22 For his outfit I went with the description of him on page 224 "[my clothes] ... didn't cast me in the best light when compared to Steve Jorgensen-Warner, who looked rather rakish in blue jeans and a shirt - definitely not a blouse - opened to the third button. He dribbled the ball casually with his left hand." The bold passages is added by me   This Steve is later revealed to be a changeling aka a troll   Before we go on: can any of you explain to me what a "ridiculous amount of hair" even means :'D? I had a lot of trouble with this prompt because isn't this so darn subjective :'D? and the official art look way less ridiculous than I'd figure it'll be :'D x'D Palchuk is the series version of Steve. His facial appearance being way less specific (I'd say he has normal sized eyes, a big roman nose and some more or less normal teeth) and his way of speaking is definitely not polite. Like book Steve, this Steve starts out with pushing smaller guys into lockerrooms yet after that he becomes way less of a terrifying bully and much more of a silly goose who brings a lot of the comic relief in my opinion Douxie says it best in Wizards when he calls Steve the "village idiot" x'D I do not recall seeing Steve being that sporty in the show, he is much more interested in becoming homecoming king  no basketballs around x'D While book Steve is revealed to be the enemy (a troll) series Steve joins the "good guys" creating the creepslayerz with the character Eli Pepperjack

Blinky

Blinky is just called Blinky in the book  Here's a bit of description of him "The third [troll] had scarlet eyes, eight of them on long stems. (...) The thing from my house glided toward me with a surprising grace for something with an indetermined number of legs, all of which were hidden behind a patched kilt scaled with layers of medals, prizes and trophies and award ribbons. An incalculable tangle of tentacles twined around one another as if dying to squeese something to death. As it passed the oven, the firelight revealed olive-green skin, reptilian texture, and lacquer of slime lubricating its undulating appendages Its moth a horizontal gash.. " The bold passages is added by me   So yeah this Blinky is quite something :'D I stopped caring to draw tentacles after a while but overall this was silly but fun to draw  since his teeth later is described as big as traffic cones I believe he must be very tall :'D Also he's close to blind   Has a bit of a dirty mouth but in a very "read" way if it makes sense :'D cannot seem to stop calling Jim dimwitted and tiny and Tobias big :'D Blinky's full name in the series is Blinkus Galadrigal  he has six eyes instead of eight and they are all working just fine, thank you very much x'D His tons of tentacles and legs has been replaced by four arms and two legs and while he is still olive-green he is now made of tone like texture just like the other trolls  the kilt turned into shorts and he is quite a bit smaller now not even as tall as Jim  He still has this very academic way of speaking yet he is way nicer to Jim calling him "Master Jim" instead of "the short one" x'D

ARRRGH!!!

Book ARRGHHH!!!s full name is Johannah Mmmm ARRRGH!!! and she is a pretty big deal warrior among the trolls in the book - she's so badass in fact Blinky has decided to call her by her last name to honor her for her deeds for trollkind   Here's a qoute from the book describing her appearance   "The goliath emerged from the tunnel as comfortably as a dog from a doghouse, coarse black fur pouring into the chamber before I could make out any actual arms or legs (...) Even beneath the fur I could see loops of muscles flexing. (...) ARRRGH!!! was built like a gorilla but three times larger: Two arms, two legs, and, thankfully, just two eyes. Horns, curled like those of a ram (...) The thing's orange eyes cast about with animal perceptiveness, and it used its snout and sniffed. Its jaws fell open to reveal a purple, slavering mouth armed with haphazard daggers of teeth." Page 75-76 The bold passages is added by me   (Also worth mentioning: the qoute is from before the protagonist knows of ARRRGH!!!'s gender which is why he calls her an 'it') At other times in the story we learn that ARRRGH! has quite scarred arms and really wishes for better tooth hygeine; so much so that Tobias actually end up making her a brace out of chicken wire :'D Idk I find it quite adorable :'D Now unto the serie's ARRRGH!!! - first up he is male, his name is Arghaumont and he is famous for another reason than Johannah: he was a general of Gunmar but retreated from the war making him a traitor to his people yet a hero for the good trolls in the series. Series ARRRGH!!! is likewise built like a gorilla but made of stone and having a mane long and green like it is moss  his horns is way smaller and less curvy and his teeth hygeine is never brought up  also his face is way less dog like x'D 

Tobias 

Book Tobias' full name is Tobias M. Dershowitz yet he is going by 'Tubby' or 'Tub'. Here is a describtion of him from the book: "You could call Tobias Dershowitz chubby, if you were being cute, or husky if you were being diplomatic. The fact is he was fat, and that was only the beginning of his problems. His hair was a thick, orange, out-of-control hedge. His face spilled over with the kind of freckles that make kids like Tub look like overgrown toddlers. Worst of all were his braces, marvels of modern torment: whips of stainless steel crisscrossing each tooth seperately and lashed to a dozen silver fasteners. The braces clicked so much when he spoke, you expected sparks. At least he was tall..." page 27 The bold passages is added by me   The outfit I went with is described on page 259 like this: "He stood in the driveway decked out in his best approximation of a ninja: black tennis shoes, black sweatpants, a black hoodie, a belt made from a red curtain sash, and an oversize fanny pack holding his gear (...) It was unfortunate that the fanny pack was lime green..." To describe Tub is a bit difficult because sadly he is not much in the story as I'd liked - mostly he is being quite serious and let us know he is not happy by being sidelined not speaking troll nor being invited on hunts which I completely understand tbh :'D What I do find interesting is how Tub and series Jim has seem to have switched roles a little bit: In the series Jim is the one giving a speech about how he is insecure about his place in life and how he wants more - in the book this is Tub in more than one occassion: "We have to accept who we are. And before you ask, I'll tell you. We're nobody. We have no life. We have nothing to look forward to. We're not special. I just want it to go away. All of it. The stupid being scared. Doesn't it seem we've been scared forever?" page 37 "Jim, you're wrong. We were meant to do this. This is exactly what we've been waiting for. They've chosen us. Of all people! Us! (...) Jesus, Jim, take a look at my life! You know what I'm worth! To anyone? Zero! Nothing! I'm a fat loser and will always be a fat loser. Until this. This is like a present. Full of, man, I don't know. Hope?..." page 196 (talking about trollhunting here btw) Oh yeah and book Tobias gets this badass scene where he uses his dentist's tool to kill trolls I loved that   Now series Tobias is way different :'D first up his name is Tobias Domzalski and his nicknames are Toby and Tobes. He is way shorter and has more neat hair (what is it with the series neating up the hair :'D? x'D). He also seems way cheerier and pretty happy with his place in life more or less  Unlike Tub, Toby is in it from the start being an important player in the story   He doesn't have the same drive to be something more than he is as Tub has instead Toby is going with the flow starting out quite afraid of everything troll and ended up being as brave as the rest of the team *tbh Jim's scared out of his wits too so they mimic each other x'D* Where Tub has dentist tools Toby gets a badass hammer so I'll say its an upgrade  

Claire

First off we have Claire Fontaine, a foreign student from no other than Scotland with a taste for military clothing and liqourice   Here's how she's described in the book   "She tucked her long dark hair behind her ear and left ir with an adorable smudge of white dust. I thought she was beautiful, though she wasn't in the classic sense. The popular girl would say she wasn't skinny enough. They would also point to the fact that she didn't wear makeup or do anything to tame that hair. And her clothes -well, what could be said about her clothes? Her boots were not sexy and knee-high: in fact, they were ankle-high and rubber-soled and looked picked from military surplus racks, an array of pea-green coats and multi-coloured slacks, all of which looked as if they'd been through actual World War II combat. And that beret she wore before and after school wasn't of the look-at-me-I'm Frensh variety: it was more in the style of I'm-going-to-invade-your-country-and-be-your-new-dictator. Only one thing didn't make sense: that bright pink, exceedingly girlish backpack that inexplicably hadn't one anti-establidh patch sewn onto it (...) Oh, I forgot to mention that Claire Fontain came from the UK. That's right- the girl had an accent. I think you are starting to get the picture." page 30-1 The bold passages is added by me It is hinted at that Claire is quite tall and a great deal taller than Jim (more when I get to him) and she is actually a whole year older than Jim since they both have birthday May 2 but Claire is 16 while Jim is 15  Since Trollhunters in this story is not a "protected title" (aka the chosen hero type) Claire ends up being one herself even though nobody even herself didn't know: AND. SHE. KICKS. BUTT! She's even better than the guy that had 40+ years experience so yeah safe to say she's badass :'D Even before that she has a hilarious scene calling out Steve in the wildest shitstorm of Scottish slang I lived for it x'D She's described quite a few times with lots of bracelets, sometimes made of wire so I gave her a bit of both   She's not really a part of the popular group but has her own thing going on   Now onto Claire Nuñez the series' version of this badass   Here Claire is hispanic and pretty much one of the most popular girls seen around  her style is way more ... I've called it punk rock in purple but Idk exactly what to call it x'D she's shorter than Jim and slimmer looking than her book counterpart   She enters the story not as a trollhunter but as a victim of having her brother stolen by changelings and as time progresses she becomes a fastlearning and quite competent sorcerer dealing in shadow magic   Unlike Fontaine, Nuñes is seen wearing make up, shorter hair with dye in it and hair clips instead of bracelets  

Jim 

First up we have book Jim. His full name is James Sturges Jr. and lives with his single parent, his dad, after his mother went away the day before his birthday in start May and never returned. Sturges Sr. had been traumatized loosing his brother to trolls although none of the characters didn't know this yet - only Senior had seen the creatures making him paranoid and in turn making Jim very embarrased about his father. At the same time Jim seems to honestly worry for his father and his behavior too makes Jim very cautious and fearful a character. Book Jim is pretty much a typical teenager for the most part  He is seen to be a tad clumsy and not exactly brave really. And the author's choice of basically not describing him anywhere made my job way harder trying to be book accurate :'D So I've mostly inspired him of the official illustrations in the book   Here's what I could find about our little trollhunter   First off: he's a short fellow  that is first mentioned on page 14; "Sunshine is important for growing boys." (...) "I am not growing" I took after my dad when it came to size and was still waiting for that growth spurt everyone kept raving about. "In fact I think I'm shrinking." This is brought up most of everything Jim through the movie from him not being able to reach a point of a chalkboard (page 32) to people's dissapointing sighs taking meassurements when he is chosen as Romeo (107) and him wearing super high heels for the same reason (224) but also Blinky directly calling him a "little fellow" (page 127) On page 27 we learn that he is getting a bruise on his chin after being slammed into his locker by Steve  Lockers he has been thrown into enough to have learned to open them on the inside :'D He is a skinny fella which Tobias so politely call "lack of muscletone" due to "glandular" at page 120 He is not very good at anything describing his room full of stuff from hobbies he tried and failed at (page 63) The longest describtion about his appearance is probably page 105: "I lowered my eyes and regarded the chewed, dirty fingernails holding my script, thes scuffed shoes on my feet, and realized that these were the symbols of my pityful life: worn-out, insignificant, ready to be thrown beneath Dad's industrial mower" It pretty much says it all when this is the longest quite I could find :'D For the outfit I mostly went by the small describtion on page 89-90: "I tucked the medallion beneath my shirt. After a full day of wearing it, maybe the rest of the suffocating fear would go away too. My plan was to dart into the kitchen, grab my sweatshirt and be out of the house. " I added jeans since he is said to wear jeans on page 283 - the medallion sneak out beneath the sweatshirt/shirt on page 97 which is why I added it on top here as well   Now since there's a bit more to both versions of Jim due to their role as the protagonist I've added in a little extra features here being the medallion in the book vs the amulet in the series and the weaponry given to the characters   For Sturges we have the medallion who's described like this: "It was a bronze medallion conntected to a rusty chain. It was engraved with a foreboding crest: a hideous, snarling face; indecipherable markings of a sevage language, and a magnificent long-sword across the bottom." page 9 The medallion is treated like it is a common artefact if a bit rare in the book - its purpose is to translate trollspeak for the wearer. Jim is giving two swords in the book; a rusty longsword he calls Clairesword (do I need to explain this one?) and a cutlass he calls Cat #6 after the one cat at Tobias' house that liked Jim  x'D For Sturges' personality my feeling about him is that he is a bit more ... passive than his series counterpart. He is not really standing up for himself that much and would rather blend into the background. This qoute from Claire sums him up pretty nicely I believe   "You're a good person, Mr. Sturges. A bit gloomy, but good" page 246 I do like that Jim in this version is a Taurus  (I am a taurus too x'D) born on May 2nd so that's a plus   It is probably also worth mentioning that in this world trollhunters aren't a chosen hero type like in the series: trollhunters or paladin was once a title held by many warriors yet now there's very few left. Sturges was a proud paladin family making Jim a chosen candidate for the honor of becoming a trollhunter but he is not the only one - or even the best - in the book. In fact out of the three trollhunters we learn about I'll say Jim is the weakest (and he is not even the least trained; ouch :'D) Jim doesn't get a nice armour like his series counterpart either but is seen in the illustrations wearing a blue hoodie (like the one in the little doodle)   The full name of Jim in the series is James Lake Jr. He is the child of a single parent and lives with his mother whom Jim "mothers a lot" (Tobias' words in the first episode) This Jim is pretty "tall for his age" (Jim's own words uttered quite a few times across all three series) yet with quite skinny legs (he is called out for this by multiple characters). He is much more competent in life than his book counterpart being an exceptional cook, good at Spanish, seemingly alright in PE and at school he seems to stand pretty good if only holding himself back. Unlike book Jim, series Jim seems much more active and longing to be something more than he is - he is seen to be quite brave and protective of his friends, very kind and selfless. Also even from the start he seems much more nimble than his book counterpart being able to climb the robe (a feat book Jim didn't do before later) and with his training as trollhunter he becomes even more badass   Trollhunter status in the series is way more important since the title is given to only one chosen warrior of Merlin chosen by the amulet of daylight (the medallion in the book). This also makes the amulet way more special and important in the series which probably explains its shine up from rusty bronze thing to silver and blue. While Lake Jr doesn't have named sword he does have a magical armour and sword made of daylight   We do not know the exact birthday of Lake Jr but the creators have replied to a fanquestion saying it would be around fall especially October so by that estimate Jim is probably a scorpio  pretty far from the before mentioned taurus in the book   While Jim Lake Jr isn't seen with long lasting bruises in the original series he does get two more permanent scars in Wizards  

[mistresseast]

can you explain in more detail why you think the PT weren't good friends for akiren? i'm not asking out of hate or to start drama, i just never interpreted things that way and i'm genuinely curious. i don't think them being brainwashed by maruki makes them "bad friends", but i don't know if that's what you meant either. i'd love to read a proper explanation on this that isn't just people arguing in the notes of that post.

Hi! Yeah, I know the ~discourse~ climate is pretty touchy and not a good place to exchange ideas, so I’ll do my best to put my thoughts on this matter into words. 

Settle in, bc this one is long.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t dislike the PT, nor do I think they’re bad people, and honestly I think they love Joker a lot! Ryuji calling Akira after his fake death and talking about how his ideas on what makes a hero have changed because of Akira genuinely makes me emotional, along with dozens of other scenes with the thieves! They’re good kids who could be really good friends to Akira but that’s not what’s shown in the game. I don’t think it’s controversial to say Akira’s relationships with all of his friends are transactional. That’s kind of the point, all of his confidants arise out of deals, give and take, and in the metanarrative of the game, that’s how it works. You as the player help these characters solve their problems, and through ranking their confidants up, you get access to more gameplay perks. So it’s pretty even!! But like,,Akira, the character, isn’t the player. There’s no in-story mechanic by which he can cash in friendship points for being-good-at-killing-things prizes. Yes, he uses those abilities to not die in the metaverse, but there is no literal, in-universe way to explain how hanging out with someone translates to [insert gameplay perk here]. So you have to look at what is physically happening in the story. Akira hangs out with the PT, stands there while they have drama with another irrelevant character, and then one way or another their problems get solved and they swear to be Akira’s blood brother or whatever. Akira is a crutch for these characters, and they say multiple times that they wouldn’t have been able to do what they did without him. So all of their shit gets handled and Akira gets?? Like actually gets?? What? Inquiries about his well-being? Offers to help him? Questions about his life, his interests? No,,,not really,, But he gets access to a super powerful persona!! Yay!!! Bc everyone knows he’s just a little shadow-killing machine, right? And even the relationships he does get something tangible (as in separate from the mechanics of the game) out of, like Kawakami’s, are built on the notion that if Akira stops providing for whatever reason, the relationship will end. So essentially, Akira is under the pressure of filling whatever role his friends need him in for however long at any time, and he’s been led to believe that if he stops or fails, he will stop receiving any reciprocal care and acceptance.

(And I know this is all gameplay stuff, I know it has to be like this to codify the complicated process of human relationships, I know all of that, I’m just trying to find a deeper layer bc that’s what I do.)

This whole thing comes into pretty clear focus for me during the third semester when you visit everyone in the false reality. Everyone is happy to see him, of course, but they’re clearly wrapped up in their own happiness. Which is understandable, again, I’m not saying the PT need to be attached to Akira to be good friends, but it all still feels off to me.

If they know Joker, then they’d know it’s weird that he just shows up and starts asking these pointed questions while they’re in the middle of something. All of their other interactions with him have been led by them. Yeah, Joker approaches them bc the player has decided to hang out with them, but the other character always chooses the activity and leads the discussion. Akira showing up out of nowhere and asking them to “remember” and “move on” and whatnot should be raising some major red flags. And it clearly does, since their memories do start to return, but they’re all too scared of losing their happiness that they nope out of the conversation as soon as possible, without stopping to consider why Joker might be trying to reach out to them like that. They’re his friends; they should know he wouldn’t just be trying to hurt them or make them unhappy. After all, their entire relationship with him up til that point has been exclusively about Joker trying to help them. This doesn’t make the PT bad people, running away is a totally natural reaction in that situation. They’re just kids, and their minds have been manipulated to a point, but it’s not like they don’t remember Joker or the way they’ve grown since meeting him. In fact many of them mention how much they’ve matured recently, but they never actually relate that back to Akira, despite him being the primary driving force behind most of their personal arcs, even though they definitely remember him. Translation vagueness or deliberate nod to the idea that the PT don’t actually credit Akira with all the hard work he did after their initial lip service? Hmmm. Anyway, their failure to recognize that Joker is struggling just demonstrates to me what was set up all throughout their confidant links, that their relationships are transactional and that they don’t necessarily consider Joker and his individual needs outside of what he provides for them. And when they no longer need him bc that hole has been filled, he simply doesn’t occupy the same place of importance in their lives. 

Makoto’s flashback in particular stood out to me, bc it was from a moment where she was specifically talking about feeling like she finally found a place to belong with the Phantom Thieves (and by extension, with Joker), but then she desperately tries to brush it off. Obviously that sense of belonging wasn’t meaningful enough to her for her to want it back. And I’m not blaming her, of course, any teenager would choose to have their father back over being in a vigilante group lmao, I just thought it was telling that the devs decided to show us a scene that was originally meant to be heartwarming as an example of the harsh reality Makoto wants to forget. All of the flashbacks are from defining moments for the thieves, but that one specifically got me like *thinking emoji*

So his friends are hesitant, despite the fact that they must know something is wrong. It’s understandable, they all stand to lose a lot if someone messes with the status quo. I genuinely don’t think I would react any differently. But there is someone who reacts differently and against his own self-interest. It’s Goro, the one who has arguably the most to lose, who doesn’t turn away from Akira. He seeks Akira out and teams up with him to uncover what’s really going on, even though he has every reason to believe that prodding too deep will literally mean the end of his life. He forces Akira and himself to face the truth because he knows anything else would just be an insult to what they’ve suffered so far. He’s the only one who never flinches, and that, more than any of his friends’ come-to-jesusing (which Akira still has to initiate) is what Akira needs in that situation. For the first time (outside of the brief instances in the tutorial levels), we see a situation where Akira is actually the dependent one, the one who needs help, who needs support. And the only one who has ever provided that, unconditionally, without demanding anything in return, is Goro. I could go into how Goro’s confidant blows all of the others out of the water in terms of building both himself AND Akira as characters, but it’s been said already and by smarter people than me. But basically, despite competition being a core theme of their relationship, Goro is the only character who is portrayed as Akira’s equal. Their contests are all in the name of improving not just Goro, but Akira too. Goro is the only character who expresses an interest in Akira’s inner life and development, and as such he knows Akira better than anyone else. So when Maruki tries to trap them all in a gilded birdcage, Goro won’t stand for it and he knows Akira won’t stand for it either. That’s why he’s so betrayed if you choose to accept the dreamworld. You’re negating the basis of your entire relationship with him and going against your own principles. Out of every character in the game, the one who knows Akira best and refuses to abandon him even when that could mean his own death is Goro Akechi.

I want to reiterate: I do not hate or even dislike the PT!! And tbh I don’t really think they “abandoned” Akira. That post, imo, is supposed to be kind of hyperbolic. Unless it’s referring to how many of them literally sprint away when he comes to talk to them lol. I look at it more like a commentary on how thoughtlessly the PT act as soon as their wishes are granted. I know it’s set up linearly for story purposes, but isn’t it kind of sad how no one checks up on Akira in the week he’s going around talking to people? Especially after he’s been acting so comparatively weird? It’s not unusual that they might be caught up in other stuff, but while you’re going around and visiting everyone, you don’t get a single text or call from ANY of the thieves, for a whole week!! Goro even comments on it directly with his pointed little “I’m sure you’re just as close as you were before” comment. God, he’s such a bitch. Ultimately, the PT do get their acts together, and it’s partially out of the realization that Akira is struggling alone against something and needs their help, which I love and appreciate. I think they are good friends who want to support Akira, but they can’t understand him past the role they’ve placed him in, and until they do, they’ll never be able to be what he needs. Akira loves his friends and knows he can rely on them in most ways, but those relationships will always be dogged by the pervasive fear that he must constantly earn the right to have the relationship at all. What he needs MOST is someone he doesn’t have to perform for, and from what we see in the game, none of the thieves fit that bill. Except Goro. 

I know this was long and rambly and probably pretty disjointed but I wanted to be as thorough as possible and all of my thoughts just sort of gushed out. Obviously ymmv about all of this depending on how you interpret the game, but this is what I arrived at thanks to my analysis so this is what I have for you! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[arukou-arukou]

A Non-zero Chance

I jumbled the timeline as I was writing this. Just go with it, okay? For @stevetonygames prompt Fluff: Sparring, for team angst. Also adding fic non-linear and tropes: soulmates. Angst with a hopeful ending. Mentions of sex acts. Canon typical violence. There is a read more line after the first section.

 Many many months after that faithful day in Sibera, Tony returned to the scene of the crime. The site was untouched. He hadn’t told Ross about it, and apparently T’Challa had decided well enough was better left alone. The holes they’d put into the bunker of the facility had completely covered over in frost and ice, and Tony had to wonder how Zemo had even dug the little hillock out in the first place. Though there had been a snowcat parked outside when they all first arrived. Without any care, though, it had once again faded into the arctic surroundings. Only someone who knew what they were looking for would find it.

Tony broke in through the holes rather than the front door. He wasn’t really in a mood for digging, and as satisfying as it might be to melt snow with an overloaded repulsor, this mission was also supposed to be stealth and secretive, and he didn’t really need Ross any further up his ass.

Inside, the evidence of their fight wasn’t as big or horrifying as he remembered. There were some structures that had toppled, and a few spots where he’d scorched cement with a repulsor, but it didn’t look nearly as bad as he remembered it being. The Avengers had certainly done worse elsewhere. Tony ran his hand over a shield-shaped crack in the wall.

—

 “This is ridiculous, Cap, we need to know how to fight together, not fight each other.”

Steve smiles back over his shoulder. His ridiculously broad shoulder. “After Wanda mind-whammied us, I’m not taking any chances. We should all know how to incapacitate each other just as a precaution.”

“Only incapacitate, Steve? Not maim?”

Steve chuckles and starts strapping on boxing tape. “No maiming on the docket today. Maybe next Tuesday.”

 —

 Tony followed their trail of destruction back into the heart of the bunker, where the super soldiers still rested suspended, illuminated in sickly yellow. There was the fucking TV, right there. The thing that had ruined it all. Tony stared down at it, wondering where the tape reel itself was located. Probably back in that room Zemo had been hiding in. The bulletproof one. Somewhere in the hallways, Tony could hear water dripping. Impressive, really, given the permafrost all around. He would’ve thought the systems had frozen over long ago. Near his foot, there was a gun, the semi-automatic Barnes had been carrying. It was useless now, its clip and firing mechanisms slagged by his repulsors. He picked it up all the same and aimed it at the glass where Zemo had hidden. The suit’s fingers were too thick to fit over the trigger—what was left of it anyway—so Tony just imagined how satisfying it would be to fill that glass full of shrapnel, to watch Zemo crumple to the ground.

 —

 “Why are you even training me, Rogers? I’m retired. Aren’t you supposed to be looking after the rookies?”

“Just because you’re retired, Tony, doesn’t mean trouble won’t come looking for you. You’re a pretty attractive target.”

“Why yes. Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing.”

Steve punches his bicep gently before offering a bottle of water. Tony takes it, squirting some into his mouth before moving on to his sweat-drenched hair. On Steve’s left wrist, he catches sight of the red band that hides Steve’s words. It would be rude to ask. Totally taboo. But Tony can’t stop himself.

 —

 Tony managed to jimmy his way into the control room, and there he found the VCR, still loaded with the incriminating tape. If he were smart, he would just rip the thing apart, burn the tape and shatter the shell. And Tony was smart. Just not smart in the right ways. He fired up the power to the TV, rewound the tape, and then hit play again. He’d rewound too far. Barnes was in his cryo tube. Some slimy scientists were hauling him out, shoving him into some horrifying chair, pushing down the nodes, saying the words.

No. Tony didn’t want this. He didn’t want to feel sympathy for Barnes. He wanted to let his rage fester and corrode him until he didn’t care anymore. All caring had ever gotten him was betrayal.

 —

 “Do you know who they belong to?” Tony asks, looking up defiantly, refusing to be sheepish about his lack of willpower. Steve glances down at his band before looking up again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” He looks wistful and boyish, sweet and beautiful. Tony wants to kiss away the sorrow he sees in that face.

“Who?”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s dead now.”

“Oh.” Tony touches his own band, thinking of the words beneath. He’s my friend. The most significant thing anyone will ever say to him. The thing that, if the romantics would have him believe it, points him toward his soulmate. He’s never really gone in for that, though. His parents had had each other’s words, and their marriage was anything but blissful and romantic.

No. Tony’s got a different theory about the words.

 —

 There. Tony spotted it before even knowing he was looking for it. On Barnes’ collarbone. Had fate known he would lose the arm? It was unusual for words to be somewhere else on the body. Non-dominant wrist. That was the norm. The tap quality was shit and Tony couldn’t enhance it without bringing the tape back to Fry. And like hell he was bringing the tape home. Were the files somewhere? Hadn’t Zemo had a book? Maybe it was here?

Tony searched the control room, trying to find evidence of the thing Zemo had used to control Barnes. There was no sign of it, but what there were were dozens of filing drawers, all of them covered in a layer of dust. Tony started digging.

 —

 Steve’s off his game today, Tony can tell. He’s distracted by something, mind not in the ring, and Tony takes advantage. Just like Steve and Nat taught him to. He sweeps Steve’s leg, rolls on top of him, pins his leg in a position that's precariously dangerous even for a supersoldier, and applies weight. “Yield?”

It’s late, the halls are quiet. Tony hadn’t even meant to do sparring with Steve today, but Steve had asked, so Tony had delayed his return to New York City and well, the late hour puts his mind elsewhere.

Their eyes lock. Tony’s still on top of Steve, holding him in place, threatening his knee joint. Between one breath and the next, their positions are flipped, Steve on top of Tony, both of them hard, teeth clacking. Tony doesn’t make it back to New York City that night.

 —

 What felt like hours later, Tony finally discovered what looked like a medical log. He’d been trying to learn Russian, but adding a new script was harder than adding a spoken language, and he was a busy man, what with covering Rogers’ ass every other day. Natasha might have been a master spy, but Steve was a puppy who hadn’t learned how to control his tail wag yet, and he left destroyed crockery in his wake. There was always some trail to some terrorist or smuggler or weapons dealer that needed cleaning up, lest Ross take notice. The point being, Tony’s Russian wasn’t exactly sparkling.

But he’d double-checked ahead of time to know what he was looking for and now he was pretty sure he’d found it. Flipping through the file, Tony found what he wanted to know almost instantly. ‘Til the end of the line. The words. Those words.

 —

 It’s a thing. Sort of. Tony comes to the compound. They spar. They fuck. It’s only their third time sleeping together that Steve drags him into the shower, wristband conspicuously absent. Tony touches the thin skin, for once asking permission before he looks down. Steve nods, trusting, contented. I’m with you to the end of the line, pal. “He” Steve had said. Tony doesn’t need to ask to know who “he” is. There was only one really important “he” in Steve’s life way back when. And it makes sense, too. After all, Barnes plunged to his death trying to protect Steve and Steve had tried to protect him just as hard. Of course they’re important to each other.

“Can I see yours,” Steve asks, kissing Tony’s band. Fair’s fair, Tony thinks to himself, and nods.

Steve gently unclasps the snaps and sets the band aside outside the shower. He looks down at the words and then up at Tony with a silent question. “I don’t know whose they are.”

“And you’re still okay with us?”

“Steve, I’m standing naked in a shower with you. I’m pretty damn okay with this.”

The bright grin Steve gives him feels like a gift.

 —

 Tony left, hauling the tape and the filing cabinets behind him. They would be useful sooner or later, he was sure. And it felt so important, hauling his literal baggage along with him back to the US. Well, first a pit stop in Wakanda so Shuri could make copies. Fry flew the quinjet on autopilot, which was maybe a mistake. Tony needed distractions and all he had were files rendered in Russian, which were frankly giving him a headache. He wanted to hate Barnes so much. But fate was literally sending him a message. Barnes. Rogers. ‘Til the end of the line.

Eventually, frustrated, he managed to sink into a fitful sleep, which took him to Wakanda’s borders. T’Challa sent along an escort at the shield wall to make sure Tony was alone and also to make sure Tony didn’t cause any undue trouble. As if he could manage anything more than a nervous breakdown at the moment. Shuri was waiting for him on the platform, and for her and her brilliant mind, he managed a tired smile.

“Brought a present for you.”

“Thank you, Tony. I would get them myself, but—”

“No, no. You’re busy in Oakland kicking science ass and shooting layups with the youth. Let the old guy take care of the analog—” Tony shuddered theatrically “—files.”

Shuri smiled more brightly and kissed him on the cheek. “You look tired. Go see my mother. She’ll be wanting to mother you.”

“I shouldn’t. I’ve gotta—”

“My brother has already ensured that General Ross cannot find you. Go. Eat some food. Get some rest. Perhaps we can talk about your latest arc reactor designs in the morning. I have some ideas.”

“I bet you do.”

Tony knew when he’d been dismissed, and he also knew he was being handled a little, but it felt nice to be handled. It felt nice to not have to be trying to outwit Ross at every turn for a little while. So he allowed Ramonda to stuff him full of delicious, spicy food and then shuffled off to the guest wing, intent on getting at least four hours before he took off.

But the second he laid down, he was awake and restless, unable to settle. His thoughts kept going back to those files, going back to the “end of the line,” thinking again and again about the letters carved into Steve’s skin. How many times had he kissed that wrist? How many times had Steve kissed his? How was it fair, that Steve would be Tony’s words, but Tony wouldn’t be Steve’s?

Fed up, he yanked on a pair of loose cotton pants and a loose cotton T-shirt and wandered the palace, looking for distraction. None of the guards stopped him, though they watched him with considerable distrust. He didn’t blame them. He wouldn’t trust him either. Not anymore. It was only when he heard the sound of skin slapping leather that he stopped short. That sounded like… But it couldn’t be. All the same, he pushed through the door, freezing as he discovered a huge training ground, Steve inside, alone at a punching bag.

Steve froze too, and the bag caught him on the backswing, smacking him straight in the nose. Tony found himself caught between laughing and rushing forward with concern, and ended up doing a bit of both, snorting as he approached, though he remained well out of Steve’s personal bubble. “Smooth, Cap.”

“Tony, what are you doing here?”

Tony scuffed his toes into the mats, which felt solid right up until he kicked them and then gave way like kinetic sand. It felt heavenly and he wanted to play with it and see what it was made out of. “Oh, you know. Just dropped in for a cuppa with the King.”

“Did…did you bring those files?” Steve remained sprawled on the floor, looking up at him, a trickle of blood trailing from his nose.

“And if I did?”

Steve swallowed heavily, rubbing at the blood and smearing it. And then he was up, faster than Tony could react to, holding Tony, kissing him sloppily through mumbled “I’m sorry’s.” Tony didn’t know how to react. Was this what an out-of-body experience felt like? He remained motionless even as Steve broke away, jumping back, looking more unsure than he’d looked since he and Tony first met. “Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… You don’t want…” Steve took a huge breath and squared his shoulders, looking Tony in the eye. “That was wrong of me. I hurt you. In so many ways. It was wrong of me to kiss you.”

“Also pretty sure you’re cheating on your boyfriend if you kiss me. Don’t forget that bit.”

The little line between Steve’s eyebrows deepened. “Bucky and I, we’re not… We’re just not. I thought we would. But I can’t. Every time I tried, I felt like I was betraying you. And Bucky felt like it was wrong, too. We didn’t…we didn’t click. Not romantically, anyway.”

“You’re not…” Tony could barely dare to let himself to hope. “Didn’t you back in the war, though?”

“No. No, we didn’t. It was too much, running missions, fighting Hydra. Plus, he was afraid I’d get caught and outed. So we didn’t. I should’ve told you. But I didn’t think it mattered.”

All the thoughts Tony used to have about the words, the idea that maybe they had nothing at all to do with romance, came back to him. He ran a finger over his own wrist, where Steve’s words were hidden.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?” Steve stood there, square, looking as though he was waiting to be punched, ready to take his punishment like a man.

“Wanna spar?”

[path-of-my-childhood]

"Miss Americana" Director Lana Wilson on Capturing Taylor Swift, Mid-Transformation

By: Chris Willman for Variety Date: January 31st 2020

Lana Wilson was taking a risk - albeit a pretty good bet - when she set out to make what turned out to be “Miss Americana,” her new Netflix documentary. As Taylor Swift told Variety: 

“When I began thinking about maybe possibly having a documentary-type thing happen, it was really just because I felt like I would want to have footage of what was happening in my life, just to have later on in my life, even if we never put it out, or even if we put it out decades down the line. When we brought Lana on board, I was pretty open with her about the fact that this may be something that I wasn’t actually ready to put out. So I think we began the process without a lot of pressure, because I didn’t necessarily think that it was an actual eventuality to put out the documentary.”

Wilson was too fascinated by what she was getting early on to worry much about whether her subject would sign off on releasing it. At the outset, she was catching Swift at the end of the “Reputation” album/tour cycle, when Swift was finding a more contented place in her personal life and finally exorcising Kanye-gate from her system. The star quickly moved on to the making of “Lover,” her most upbeat album, with Wilson getting fly-on-wall footage that captures the joy of creation and eureka moments in the writing process in a way few films ever have. And then things got more interesting altogether when Swift decided that the days she could afford to be standoffish about what was happening in the country had come to an end. The movie - and by now, it was a movie - had its third act.

Variety spoke with Wilson for the magazine’s cover story last week on Swift, prior to “Miss Americana’s” Sundance premiere. Here’s a breakout of more of that conversation.

There is some footage in the movie that goes back a few years that clearly predates your involvement. When did you start filming - was it during the “Lover” writing and recording sessions or the “Reputation” tour before that? I came on during the tour. She had been collecting bits and pieces of footage; she often filmed stuff with her own cell phone - songwriting stuff. Netflix introduced us, and we really hit it off the first time we met. She had watched my previous work, and I had admired her for years, not just for her music, but also the fact that she had written all of her own songs since she was 15, and that she’s the sole creative force behind the whole shape of her career. When we met, I remember being excited that she didn’t want to make a traditional pop star documentary. She knew that she was in the middle of a really important time in her life, coming out of a very dark period, and wanted me to collaborate on something that captured what she was going through that was raw and honest and emotionally intimate.

When we first talked about it, she immediately wanted me to bring my perspective as a director to what was going on with her now and to make a film that really had something to say. I think the first time we met, we talked for 20 minutes about narrative structure in documentaries, and we even talked about film score in documentaries. At one point she said that she didn’t like documentaries that are like propaganda, and I was thrilled to hear that. In my work, I take stories that are often told through sound bites and headlines and bring depth and complexity to them. My goal is always to reveal the humanity that’s beneath the oversimplification. And to me, there are few things more frequently diminished and reduced by others than female creative forces.

It could be seen as a feminist statement, or at least some kind of intention on her part, that she picked someone who’d made an abortion documentary (“After Tiller”). It could also mean that she was just more comfortable with a woman. I think that’s totally true. When I started filming, it was before she’d come out politically. But that said, even before meeting her, I could only imagine how much pressure and scrutiny she’d faced as a powerful and successful female artist. And I definitely sensed that those pressures would be ones that other people and especially other women and girls could relate to. Obviously, yeah, I’m a female artist working in a male-dominated industry. So although Taylor and I inhabit very different worlds, I figured that we’d have some shared experiences. And I also worked with an all-female crew, which I do think helped her feel comfortable right off the bat, and a small crew. When I met her, she hadn’t done an interview in almost three years. The first one she did was an audio (-only) interview with me for this film. So it was a big deal, and trust was a big part of that.

You had an all-female crew, but Morgan Neville’s name is on there as a producer, and he’s not a gal. [Laughter.] What’s his role in it? He was a part of the creative process, and it was wonderful to get to work with him, as a creative sounding board, from start to finish. On the crew, I will say that we did always have male production assistants, because I like trying to show people that men can fetch coffee for women, and not just the other way around! So that was the only exception to the all-female rule.

It had to have been a small crew, when you were filming the fly-on-the-wall creative stuff in the recording studios, sometimes in very small control rooms. It was often just me and one or two other people in the room with her, trying to keep the footprint as small as possible. You know, no one had filmed her writing songs before. That was some of my favorite stuff to film, but it was also the stuff where we tried to really be the most low-key presence possible. You’re just in a tiny room, and it feels so amazing to watch her get in the zone creatively. One of the most fun parts for me as a director is when it feels like you’ve been in the studio for enough hours that everyone is so relaxed that you really feel invisible in a wonderful, exciting way.

When she’s having the talk with her team about wanting to make endorsements for the midterm elections, which is maybe the most important scene in the film, it’s not clear if that is something you shot or if that was something that was on the spur of the moment, where she had someone get a camera in your absence. That was spur of the moment. So that was something someone on her team shot who was pretty good with the camera. That was very last minute. I’d been starting to work with her and talk with her before that, and I’d say, “If something’s happening last-minute that could be at all important or meaningful, film it with your cell phone, of if there’s someone around you that has a little DSLR camera or something, they could film it.” It allowed us to get really powerful, crucial scenes like that one that might’ve been hard logistically to get otherwise. And I love the personal quality of that material from especially the few little bits of stuff from her cell phone.

She told us she wasn’t sure she wanted to actually make or release a movie when filming started. Did she make that clear to you when it started? Like, this might be on spec, and might not come out? Well, it was less talking about the end result and more, honestly, just talking about what she was going through emotionally at that time and the kind of things that were on her mind. Then we’d brainstorm stuff that could be cool to film. I love the idea of filming really quiet, almost more mundane moments, because I think that ordinary/extraordinary contradiction that’s so central to the life of someone in the public eye is really interesting. I loved that moment early in the film where she’s alone in the car in the dark after the show riding to her hotel room - the idea of going from being on a massive stage in front of tens of thousands of people to being an ordinary person alone just going to bed at the end of the night.

She’s already been pretty candid with her fans. There are moments in the film where she’s shown as being annoyed with the fans and photographers gathered outside her door and that sort of thing. Do you think she felt okay with being portrayed as not being happy at all times? Oh yeah, totally. She’s a complex human being, and I think whether you like her music or not, if you watch this movie, you really get to know her as a human. And as you say, she writes so candidly in her lyrics about the hardest times, the times when she made mistakes. And that is what her fans love her for. But a lot of people don’t share their hard times. The most popular photos on Instagram are of weddings and babies, when what’s really relatable and what’s meaningful is connecting with someone over that time things weren’t perfect, or the friendship or relationship that didn’t work out, or the argument you had with your mom or something. You know, everyone wants to feel less alone in the more difficult experiences in life. And that’s one reason why they turn to art. And I think it’s why people watch movies. And the happy moments are meaningful when you’ve also been through the sad ones. Young girls need to see that their heroes are just as human as they are. And I think girls and boys of all ages could benefit from that reminder.

I want people to be surprised by it because I think that Taylor Swift is someone who everyone thinks they know. But I think if people start watching this film, they’ll realize they’re watching a film about this iconic artist deciding to live life on her own terms, and it’s a feminist coming of age story. I think they’ll be surprised by her sense of humor and her self-awareness, and they can appreciate the craft of songwriting, for instance. So I hope that even if people are not fans, that they’ll watch the movie and be really surprised and also feel like they’ve just met a complicated, layered human being.

Very few people at the superstar level have the gift of healthy self-awareness that she seems to have. Self-consciousness, yes, but self-awareness, that’s more rare. Yeah, it’s so true. I’m sure you’ve seen bits of the home movies in some of her videos in the past. When I looked at the home movies, what struck me the most about them is that she really always has been the same person. She’s been kind and generous and smart and imaginative and very hardworking since she was a girl. At age 11 she knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. One of my favorite moments in the archives in the film is this clip of her, where she’s like in a diner and it’s just after the release of her first album, and she’s 16. Her childhood dream has just come true. And she tells the interviewer that she wakes up everyday being like, “Yes, this is happening.” But then she tells herself, “Now you have to figure out how to make it last.” That is so her. She had so much maturity and pretentiousness then, and she knew she wanted this to be her career and her life, and she wanted to write songs forever. It’s incredible to see a person at that age that self-possessed and cognizant.

At one point she says she wants to use her platform to speak out because she’s aware she won’t be in this position forever, where her opinions have some kind of import. Not that she’s predicting a major downfall, but she knows she won’t always have this attention. That’s undoubtedly true, but at the same time, she’s one of the only ones besides Beyonce that we would imagine being almost as big a star in 20 years, and not necessarily subject to the normal standards of diminishment of interest. She’s conscious of the historically short lifespan of female pop stars, and it’s so poignant when she says that. But it’s hard to know what will happen, though, because she issuch a trailblazer. I mean, there’s just been no one like her, and her fan base and the relationship she has with her fans is so unique, and, I mean, she’s already done so many things that no one else has done before — who knows what will happen in the future? She is cognizant of what’s happened in the past and what’s going to happen in the future … but it could be anything, because she’s different than anyone that’s come before.

We can hope we all live long enough to find out what a 50- or 60-year-old Taylor Swift is like. I love that idea too. I want to go to the arena tour of a 60-year-old Taylor Swift. I want to know what the songs she’s writing then are.

The last third of the film focuses on her decision to make a political statement and what comes after. It was a profound decision for her to make, and a multilayered one. In that, I saw this feminist coming-of-age story that I personally connected with, and that I really think women and girls around the world will see themselves in.

You didn’t actually have the “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” song in the movie, but that’s the song on the album that most speaks to her political turn. So it seemed like a good thing to title the movie after? It was cool because it’s obviously, yeah, a reference to this song she wrote that has political themes. It was interesting that when the documentary was announced, her fans instantly understood some of the themes the film would have, because of the song title. And then for me, even if you don’t know the song, I see the movie as in some ways looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart. So I like how the title evokes that, too.

You have the twin moments of disappointment in the movie. Early on, you have the Grammy disappointment, and then later there’s the midterm result disappointment. Those are the parallel scenes, almost, where she’s having to deal with the results not turning out as she planned and one of these ultimately being more important than the other. I’m glad you noticed that. That means a lot. One thing that I think is amazing about her is that she goes to the studio and to songwriting as a place to process what she’s going through. I loved how, when she got the Grammys news, this isn’t someone who’s going to feel sorry for herself or say “That wasn’t right.” She’s like, “Okay, I’m going to work even harder.” And I think it’s amazing how you see her strength of character in that moment when she gets that news. Then with the election results, I loved how she channeled so many of her thoughts and feelings into this song (“Only the Young”). It was a great way to kind of show how stuff that happens in her life goes directly into the songs. You get to actually witness that in both cases.

Were you surprised that she addressed having had what could be described as an eating disorder? She seems hesitant to use that term but finally does. She’s been open about so many things, but that’s not something that she’s revealed. No, that’s one of my favorite sequences of the film. I was surprised, of course. But when you hear her talk about it, I love how she’s kind of thinking out loud. And yeah, she’s an icon of beauty, but even for an icon of beauty, as she articulates so beautifully, women are in this double bind situation. It’s impossible for anyone to meet every standard of beauty. It’s an impossible situation. And every woman will see herself in that sequence. I just have no doubt. And I do think people will be really surprised by it.

I tend to be clueless about these minor shifts in weight or body size, until people point them out en masse. It never would have occurred to me that she was any less thin on the “Reputation” tour until I started seeing comments about weight gain. But there are those who have their antennae out for the slightest change, and often it’s women, maybe it’s because you’re under that scrutiny yourselves. But you can also just not notice people being really skinny, because we’re all so accustomed to seeing women on magazine covers who are unhealthy skinny, and that’s become normalized. I think it’s interesting what you say about what you read during “Reputation” about her weight, because you really can’t win. There is a moment in the film where you see that part of the media backlash she experienced during 2016 was people saying, “Oh, she’s too skinny.” People complain if you’re too skinny, and if you’re not too skinny, you’re too fat. It’s incessant, and I can say this as a woman: It’s amazing to me how people are constantly like “You look skinny” or “You’ve gained weight.” People you barely know say this to you. And it feels awful, and you can’t win. So I think it’s really powerful to see someone who is a role model for so many girls and women be really honest about that. It’s a brave thing of her to do, and I think it will have a huge impact.

Her interactions with Kanye West are such an essential part of the story, but that’s not a name that has really ever escaped her lips publicly since 2010; she’ll say “a person” or something euphemistic if she has to address it. So I was in suspense to see whether or how much it would come up in your film,  given how little capital she wants to give this guy in her life. It’s a crux, twice, of her journey of self-acceptance, but it’s easy to imagine her not wanting it in the film. I think it’s an important part of the story, but I wanted to position… Like, with the 2009 VMAs, what was surprising to me when I asked her about it was that she talked about how the whole crowd was booing, and she thought that they were booing her, and how devastating that was. That was something I hadn’t thought about or heard before. And it meant a lot more to me because it made more sense in the context of her being this extraordinary young artist who is doing so well, and who, like so many performing artists, loves applause. And then she is on stage [still as a teenager] and it felt like all these people were booing her. When you put it that way, it’s so much more relatable to me, and it’s understandable to anyone, because we all want people to like us. And being on stage with a giant crowd booing would be horrible for anyone. So we tried to use it in a way that showed it in a slightly different light than people have seen before... We all care about what people think about us. It’s not a celebrity problem. It’s a universal one. It’s something everyone goes through, and I think the difference is that with Taylor, it plays out on a massive international stage.

At the outset, you’ve got her in voiceover talking about how she wanted to be the good girl and be accepted. And in the end, she is a good girl, so maybe that’s not a bad thing to want to be, but there are gradations of that. She’s played around with bad girl archetypes in the “Reputation” imagery and songs, but it was role-playing to a degree. Where do you think she ended up on the scale of all that? She starts out as a good girl and she ends up as a good girl who’s decided to speak out. You know, we live in a society in which girls are taught that other people’s approval is of paramount importance to our self-worth. “Do they like me? Was I nice enough? Are they mad at me?” Every woman I know is constantly asking herself these questions. So it’s so relatable in that way. But it’s not about not being a good person. I think that the arc in the film and what Taylor went through was letting go a little bit of what other people think of her, deciding to live on her own terms, and to put her own values first. The transformation that you see is going through this period where she lets go a little bit of that. She’s a good girl speaking out now, in a way. You can’t win everyone over. No one can. I think she’s really accepted that in a deep way.

[jimmymcgools]

maybe a bit risque for the writing ask meme, so feel free to ignore, but: the first love scene (or part of it) between jimmy and kim during their trip out of town?

hell yes, i’ll do this scene!! for sure! thank you ❤️❤️❤️

fic commentary meme and my answers 

this is just a reminder before we go on that jimmy’s still wearing his damn bugs bunny t-shirt 

Inside their room, Jimmy stares out through the slats of the blinds at the glowing highway sign, listening to Kim have a stilted conversation with her roommate over the phone. 

photo edited by @unremarkable-house​ ♥️♥️♥️

He tips his head to the side. “Hmm. I could maybe get behind a dead space chimp.”   ah, the dead space chimp. they were originally gonna visit the world’s largest pistachio but then i discovered it wasn’t there in 1992, so we went with the dead space chimp. the pistachio is so tragic though, you should definitely google it. send me reacts if you do. it’s a bummer. 

He exhales and gives a winning smile, but his next question comes out a little breathier and a little more strangled than he would like: “Wanna make out again, then?”   i always liked the idea of jimmy just out and asking this. famously not the greatest at communicating, these two, but i really wanted there to be more of a “hey, so do you want to do that again?” “hm, yeah, i do actually” vibe at the top of this scene rather than just them getting completely swept up in emotions 

and it’s like a jolt rushing through him, like everything he’s been holding back for the past week comes smashing up through a frozen surface and he can breathe again.   kind of blending two different images i’ve used before. way back in chapter 2 when jimmy does his little coffee spill scam: “it feels like bursting up through the water’s surface and breathing again”. and then kim right before their first kiss: “an enormous grin shatters over her face, like an ice sheet cracking”. 

he shifts his weight back to his knees and reaches for her hair again, this time gathering it up gently and tucking it up on the pillow as best he can, running the soft threads through his fingers.  jimmy’s boner for kim’s hair really just grows and grows huh 

“Why are we doing this?” he gasps, and then he shakes his head. “I mean—why aren’t we doing this?”  oh man the like, foggy-brained gibberish of this. “why are we doing this--no wait why aren’t we doing this--ok wait i know we’re literally making out right now but why aren’t we doing it for real kim?” 

“To start with?” she asks softly, and she gives him a small smile. “Because you woke up and looked terrified.” “I what?” Jimmy asks.  i was always curious how people took this. we’re in jimmy’s pov for that wake-up scene, and he doesn’t exactly think he’s terrified of a relationship with kim in that moment, but he does have a bunch of big messy thoughts that i hoped could seem like hesitation or fear in how they appeared on his face, and how kim interpreted them. 

“No,” she says, eventually. Her eyes meet his. Words coming slowly, she says, “Jimmy, you’re not…” —and he thinks, what? what? pulse humming in his ears— —and, voice so careful, she says, “… part of the plan.”  Jimmy lets out his breath in a rush of air. “Yeah,” he says lightly. He stares into her eyes. Hers are gentle, and he sighs again.  oh man another thing i was curious about the response to. on the surface these words from kim are so horrible. they’re still not exactly nice but i really wanted to give them a specific kind of softness/honesty that makes them land okay. there’s maybe shades of howard’s “we want the case. we do not want... the case is all we want” that i really wanted to avoid.  they are, though, probably the sort of words that jimmy filters away in the little bank he stores things like “the kind of lawyer guilty people hire” and “roll around in the dirt with me” and the lyrics to a certain ABBA song. 

He tightens his fingers. “Wanna tell me about the plan, then?”   but in the moment i wanted him to just be forgiving, and curious (and maybe already bracing to game the plan like he ends up doing, but hey)

“Make something of myself,” she says.  kim’s ambition is so interesting to me!! her “plan” here as she tells it to jimmy is so vague, but i always feel like at the core there’s two elements: self-preservation/escape, and then ambition. “what did you want?” “more.” the ambition part i think about a lot, and i want to do more with it, tbh. because i think in some ways it’s the more interesting part. there’s a bit of a leap from just escaping a difficult situation to relentlessly gunning to get ahead in a field that gives you the power to determine right from wrong.  kimberly wexler you fascinate me. 

“We’re not in Albuquerque now,” he says.  “No,” Kim says, smile edging her expression. “No, I guess not.” “Seems like the plan’s already gone off the rails,” Jimmy says, and he shrugs.  “Hm,” Kim says, mouth twitching.  forgive me for the chandler-and-monica-in-london of this. i do think kim and jimmy would’ve kept going in this moment without the dumb excuse, but i liked the idea that they both enjoyed having the dumb excuse. and then it ends up being more significant once they do get back to abq and kim actually does walk the relationship back. 

She opens it and rifles through, then lets out a snort of laughter. “I forgot about this haircut,” she says, and she turns his wallet to face him.  disgusted to discover i didn’t describe the velcro cronch of jimmy’s wallet here.  how long do licences last in the US anyway? i hope he had to show people that slippin’ jimmy mullet for a long time.  that important question aside, i really wanted to keep that easy humour and laughter they've had since the beginning going through this scene. and any time i can shift a fun/gently-ribbing joke into a slightly more emotional beat i’m happy, and i liked that shift here. “you guys didn’t know what hit you” “no, we did not.” 

She leans back a little and runs a finger through the vee of his hips then holds it up to him. It’s covered in a fine layer of white dust.  i got so attached to this dumb idea even though it’s the shittiest thing, sorry you two, fanfic rules, sorry, you’re covered in gypsum i guess, good luck bet it feels great 👀it’s just really hard to, you know. shake off white sands after you’ve been there once, y’know. 👀#metaphors  

“Hmm, that wasn’t the first time,” Kim says, moving their joined hands around so that she’s resting her weight down on them. “I seem to remember you coming back to the mailroom one day soaked with coffee…”    kim-wexler-is-horny-for-a-scam... but also, hey, a chance to talk more about this! kim remembers jimmy (who from the outside might’ve still seemed like he was one platinum platter away from joining howard on the third floor) helping a lowly assistant when he didn’t need to. and not only did he help clara in that scene, he did it in an outside-the-box way that put all the blame on himself and made clara look good in front of everyone upstairs. 

there’s a scene break in that chapter from when jimmy starts explaining the plan, to when jimmy’s about to put it into action, and i always think that, after his explanation and after he and clara leave, kim stands there thinking that there’s no fucking way this mcgill brother is going to go upstairs and put on this whole performance just because one printer fucked up and vernon is a picky asshole. 

and then he comes back down drenched in coffee.  kim: 🙂

“Covered in coffee, huh?” he says, a few moments later. “I can arrange that again.”   jimmy: kim wants a coffee-soaked striptease i’ll GIVE her a coffee-soaked striptease! kim: um 

so he stops talking and listens—and it’s his name, over and over, hummed to his lips.   jimmy and names is so... aahh. when i wrote this i was thinking about that moment in chapter one when he stands in front of the elevators and tries out different ways of introducing himself. “yeah, just jimmy. like, you know... cher.” just jimmy. it kills me to think about how, certainly by bcs s5 times, kim is the only one he’s just-jimmy to. 💔 

letting Kim swallow it until there’s no sound left between them at all, no sound or words or names, just—light.   echoes of them driving up into white sands, and it’s quiet, like after a snowfall, when jimmy wonders if the white itself that makes things noiseless. 

thank you so much for requesting this scene!!! ♥️ 

[fizzingwizard]

I’m having trouble deciding how to place my crappy screen shots this week because ep 9 gave me the Taichi spam episode of my dreams xD

So, I guess feast your eyes on my favorite boy...

... I mean, you can’t have too much of that determined face, can ya? Haha. And he does it so well.

Well, I was prepared for a episode that was just a cool battle, but we actually did get more than just that. Or, I guess I should say, there was more layered over the battle so it didn’t feel like fighting for the sake of fighting. We still got character development. I love it.

My only criticism for this week is that, consequently, we got very little of the other characters. BUT, what we did get of them was not nothing either, so I’m gonna squee over that as well.

I mentioned some time ago, but also, THE MUSIC IN THIS SHOW, it’s really good. Very epic, very adventure. It kicks the tone up up UP.

More below!

We pick up where we left off last ep, with Taichi “translating” the digicode. Still no indication of whether the others are so linguistically blessed as well. But Taichi, for reasons unknown, can’t translate the entire passage. He basically learns enough to understand that the holy Digimon is trapped by the “dark” and in trouble, and they have to go find it, but after that he says he can’t read any more.

Sora: I told you to pay more attention at school.

Taichi: What school are you thinking of, spy school?!?

It will be interesting to find out why that is and it points to someone pulling the strings behind the curtain. Someone who’s made the kids their champion. Are they a benevolent being? The kids don’t doubt it so far. An old cabbage like me can’t help but look sidelong...

Jou panics over how they’re going to find the holy digimon without knowing where it is, to which Mimi responds that they do know.

Jou: Mimi-kun, you know where it is?

Mimi: Somewhere on this continent.

Jou: T_T Mimiiiiiiii-kunnnn

Taichi of course is raring to go, map or no map.

I mean I did warn you I only capped Taichi this ep...

They are interrupted by Ogremon, who we saw previously talking with Devimon, but when he arrives his motivation does not seem concerned with his master’s plans. He goes straight for Taichi, reflecting on their previous encounter, when Greymon broke Ogremon’s horn.

So here’s what I loved. Ogremon’s working for Devimon, of his free will or not we don’t really know, but regardless, Ogremon is still Ogremon, and like in old Adventure, he stakes a lot in his pride. Last time it was focused solely on fighting Leomon. This time, the kids initially think he goes after Greymon for revenge, but as their fight heats up the other kids notice that something seems different about this fight. Mimi even says “It looks like they’re having fun.”

Like, it’s not just a battle. It’s already done some foundational work for Ogremon becoming their ally in the future. And it’s begun with Taichi this time. Ogremon’s special relationship was Mimi in 99, as well as Jou, and there’s plenty of time for that to turn out in 20 as well, but I think it’s super interesting that they’ve begun it with Taichi.

It’s like a samurai film. (Mimi - again - even says “It’s like a movie.” She got a lot of good lines this ep lol) The two strong, brave rivals who respect each other’s strength and value each other’s pride. And it’s a trope we see in... basically every shonen anime ever made. And it’s really fitting for Taichi.

Yamato has very few lines in this episode. Like I said before, this is very much Taichi’s ep, and the others are mainly just watching, which is a bit of a bummer but also rather hopeful for the show as a whole because even though they’re watching, we learn things about them. The other characters make quips and comments while watching the fight. Yamato is noticeably silent, but every time something significant happens, we get a close up of his face. He gets more closeups and of longer duration than the others. It’s clearly meant to tell us Yamato’s taking this all in and watching so closely. Maybe he’s watching in case he needs to jump in, or maybe he’s simply learning all he can for the future. Whatever the reason, this is definitely an important character trait for Yamato.

All of a sudden a bunch of other Digimon launch an attack, and the kids can’t get out of the way in time. Taichi makes this face:

Similar to the expression he had last week when they were grossly outnumbered and about to lose, if Yamato hadn’t saved their butts. I think this expression’s going to become a Thing as well. It’s the face he makes when he wants to panic, but won’t let himself.

This week Yamato can’t save them because he also needs saving! So who’s our mysterious ally?

That’s right it’s KOOOOOSHIROOOOOO!!!!!! *air horn sounds*

The sheer joy (and relief!) in Taichi’s voice when he sees Koushirou almost makes up for his not being around much in several eps. I’m still a bit disappointed that his return didn’t involve that much fanfare, but getting to save everyone from being blown up is nothing to sneeze at.

Tentomon is hilarious and, like Sakamoto Chika said in yesterday’s Digifes, an “even weirder” old guy than ever xD

The others immediately run over to say hi or introduce themselves to Koushirou and Jou’s quick to inform him that he, Jou, is the leader.

Mimi: Uh really? Since when?

The very manly battle continues to rage.

Yeah I don’t really got much to say, it’s a battle, they’re having fun, becoming rivals, it’s male bonding through physical competition and mutual respect...

I wonder if Ogremon’s got an inferiority complex because Greymon’s got three big horns and Ogremon only has one and a half x’D

The manly battle is rudely interrupted by a FREAKING MISSILE.

Look, doesn’t this land right on them? ISN’T IT LITERALLY RIGHT OVER THEIR HEADS!?!?! Why aren’t they burnt to a crisp! I know it’s a kids show but come on!

The missile was launched by MetalTyrannomon, who is as scary as he is brainless.

The Pokemon fan in me was immediately like “fire!! Palmon get out of here you’re a plant type! Eh Gomamon you’ll be fine”

The kids immediately know something’s changed. The battle of male bonding is over. War is here. The missile was probably a good indicator of that.

Devimon isn’t what one would call subtle.

Ogremon quickly calls it like it is: “So I’ve been abandoned, eh.” Devimon’s gonna kill the kids and he doesn’t care about Ogremon’s pride. He doesn’t care about it so much...

... that he doesn’t mind MetalTyrannomon STOMPING on Ogremon and CRUSHING him into the ground

Taichi’s like WTH!?!?! we were doing some male bonding!! that shit’s sacred!!!

Ogremon: M’fine... jus’ another day for ol’ Ogremon... ghhhhh.... mommy...

So Taichi has a pretty strong reaction to watching Ogremon get literally stomped on. Not that I blame him, but it’s not like they know Ogremon well or anything. Taichi just feels through their battle that Ogremon, well, he doesn’t deserve this anyway. I guess. He has been trying to kill them for a while though. But Taichi’s got his own samurai side and he can’t let injustice stand.

He’s so worked up, the animators were afraid showing us his whole face could cause distress.

His strong sense of justice fuels his courage!

Which in turn gives Greymon an epic power boost like Yamato’s feelings of friendship did for him last episode!

Aaaaand... it’s not very effective!

Because MetalTyrannomon is a level higher, even with a power boost Greymon can’t do more than dent him.

One thing that stands out is, the Digimon don’t seem to have the same issue with needing to fuel up between battles as in 99 Adventure. We’ve seen them pleading for food a couple times yeah, but when they’re fighting they don’t seem to reach their limit quite as fast. This episode, Tentomon didn’t join in the fight because he’s exhausted from flying as Kabuterimon for such a long time before even saving the kids. Agumon doesn’t run out of juice until he tries to take on MetalTyrannomon. But it took both of them quite some time to get to that point and we don’t see anyone stop to fuel up again between scenes.

The contrast with the Ogremon battle makes the MetalTyrannomon one that much scarier. This is the third time in two episodes that Taichi’s on the brink of panic. The third time he’d have lost the game, if someone didn’t come to the rescue.

And this time that rescue comes from a surprising (not surprising?) corner.

Ogremon stands back up... and has uhhh apparently lost his eyeball??? x’D I know he got crushed but like, did his eyeball pop out of his socket and roll away? Like "on top of spaghetti all covered with cheese” style???

Anyway, Ogremon must be kind of sick of losing body parts, because it’s pretty obvious at this point that he’s going to Die by sacrificing himself. Par for the course for Ogremon. He can’t admit to caring, but if he can rationalize it as “I’m getting revenge!” or something he will jump right in. And, given the rate this show’s being going, I guess it’s no surprise we’d see a borderline touching death this early on.

Ogremon also directs Taichi to where the holy Digimon is, making him seem not very like Devimon’s ally at all. Apparently the holy Digimon is “straight ahead.” Some actual directions might be nice but uh.

Taichi however is not too on board with this dying-for-you junk. You can see how conflicted he is. (Well, not in a screenshot, but he’s like shaking.)

Yamato continues to looking on silentl, quivering with rage as much as Taichi, just from the back. I will not be surprised at all if this Greymon-Ogremon battle is something of a prelude for conflicts between Taichi and Yamato in the future.

Ogremon gathers his remaining strength and attacks MetalTyrannomon with everything he’s got, and does indeed seem to disintegrate in the style of dying Digimon. However, that doesn’t mean this will be the last time we see him. I think he’ll come back maybe even more brainwashed on Devimon’s side, perhaps fused again, or maybe not - but I do think we’ll see him again sooner rather than later.

Then all the kids are blinded and Sora groans that she knew she forgot something at the store, freaking sunglasses.

A really fun episode! Was not really expecting much from an episode that was focused on a battle, but it does not fall into the boring trap of just doing cool stuff for the sake of doing it. Though it’s disappointing Yamato was so quiet, it has a sense of a pot slowly heating to a boil. It’s a pregnant pause. And Jou and Mimi were their hilarious selves, how I missed them. Sora and Koushirou had the least to do, but at least Koushirou got to save the day.

Next week it looks like MetalTyrannomon was not defeated by Ogremon, who may have been passionate but was still a level below, so we get to fight some more...

There are no showers in the digital world.

Koushirou gets to show off his Usefulness with this Useful map, which will clearly cause a lot of frowns since it shows that they can only go left or right, even though Ogremon told them to go “straight ahead.” Hmm. What will they do? I’m kind of expecting Taichi to insist on going straight anyway. I hope we don’t split up again already.

Also next week marks the return of the MISSILE NIPPLES!!!

I hadn’t expected another evolution this early on but I mean we did already get a jogress.... so I suppose it’s no surprise. Also MISSILE NIPPLES!!!

[aloneeedra]

Nancy Drew (1995)

Where to watch it: tubi (Free, can you believe it?)

Episodes/seasons: 1 season (13 episodes)

Summary: one of the many adaptations of Nancy Drew. In this one, she is a college student majoring in criminology. She lives by herself in a apartment in the city (I think New York), and her and her two best friends (Bess and George, who I don’t know how old they are, but they’re not in college) solve mysteries. Nancy’s boyfriend, Ned, vists often when he is not volunteering in Africa. It’s a nice tv show, with a mystery being introduced and solved within 30 minutes. It got canceled halfway through the first season however, due to low ratings.

rating: 6/10. It was entertaining, the mysterious were nice and not too cheesy. The characters were well written, especially Nancy. I overall enjoyed it.

Best part: I really liked Nancy’s character. She was smart, sweet, and she never did anything that seemed out of character. Bess and George were nice as well, and each of them had more than one thing to them. I enjoyed watching them interact, especially with Ned. Nancy and Ned had a great relationship. He would get annoyed by her constant need to solve mysterious, but no matter how annoyed, he would also help her solve them. Ned’s relationship with Bess and George was good too, as they seem to share a sibling bond. The mysterious were nice as well, some of which I totally didn’t see coming.

(Left to right; top then bottom. First picture: Ned. Nancy. Second picture. George. Nancy. Third picture. Nancy. Ned. Fourth Picture. George. Nancy. Bess.)

Worst thing: Okay, strap in, we have a lot to discuss. Where shall we start? The show gives no explanation. Now, I’m not talking about the mysterious here, I’m talking about the fact that besides the mysterious, the show doesn’t bother to explain anything. First episode, Nancy moves to the city. She helps a guy find his daughter who, grateful, gives Nancy her own apartment. Okay cool. Second episode, it’s her birthday and she’s thinking about Ned. My dumb bitch ass, only ever seen the Nancy Drew movie with Emma Roberts when I was really young, was highly confused. Who this Ned be? Nancy then says she is sad because Ned and her left things weird since Ned left to volunteer in Africa. Then, Ned is introduce. Things happen, we learn a bit about their relationship, he is about to leave but doesn’t by the end of the episode. Cool. Okay. Ned and her are dating and doing long distance while he is in Africa. Okay, I can accept that. We get a few episodes of just Nancy and Bess and George, sometimes George just disappears, but the girl is busy, I understand, she’s delivering mail and studying her films. Every now and then Ned is in the episode and I just assume that they are dating long distance, so Ned comes to vist a lot. But then! Then! There’s an episode where Nancy is with Bess and George in France just like all of the sudden, no explanation. I shrugged it off, whatever I thought, cool, it must have been a special episode. They’re back in the city the next episode, all is okay. Until, of course, it’s not and they’re in France again, George is nowhere to be seen and it’s just Bess, Nancy and Ned. And I’m like, huh? What? Why is Ned in France all of the sudden? How he get there? When? Why? Where is all this money coming from? Geeze. Then! The next episode, it’s just Ned and Nancy. Now, you might be thinking ‘oh, they’re just hanging out on their own, like couples do and Bess and George are probably doing their own thing’ and, yeah, maybe, only...Ned and Nancy have bags with them and are taking trains and shit. Through the episode, Ned is like annoyed because once again Nancy is solving mysterious. They solve another one after he gives in and at the end, he tells Nancy he loves her and that he wants her to go to Africa with him and she’s like ‘nah, you cool but I can’t leave everything behind’ and that’s fine or whatever. But the thing is, the scene is so dramatic, like my boi Ned be acting like he’s never going to see her again or something and that they have to break up. I was over here thinking this whole time that Ned had been going and coming from Africa, visting Nancy, so I’m like, why you crying Ned, like clearly y’all are doing fine, you don’t need to break up. And then I remembered that in the second episode, Nancy mentioned how Ned hadn’t talk to her since he left for Africa, so now the gears in my head were turning and I’m like ‘ah-ha! This must be like a flashback episode. The show is showing us how Nancy and Ned broke up!’ And so the episode ends and I have my mouse all ready, hovering over the next episode only to see that that was it. That was how it ended. Like????

I guess it makes sense if that was like a background episode, but then why are there episodes where George and Bess are also in France. Why are they in France at all? Is it possible that the episodes just got all mixed up? I don’t know. And so i think that maybe it’s the kind of shows where everything resets each episodes, but then Nancy would talk to people she help in earlier episodes, so that can’t be. Talking about other people, people are just here and there, some show up randomly while others are never mentioned. There was this one guy in the first episode who I thought was going to be the love interest; never mentioned again. Nancy gets in this class after talking to her professor in the first episode, it seemed pretty important right? Like maybe her class was going to be a major plot point or something. We see the professor again, but we never see her in class or like even on school grounds. Then in one episode, her and Ned work alongside a cop who was her dad’s old partner and they talk about her dad, but like it’s not clear if her dad is dead or what because she doesn’t act like he’s dead nor alive, and also if her dad was a city cop, then wouldn’t that mean she lived there, and if so, then where was she moving from? And they did my girl George dirty. She was just gone for some episodes entirely and no matter how much the writters tried to convince me she liked dudes by making her declair it all the freaking time, I’m know my girl ain’t 100% straight. No one straight can have of that amazing fashion sense. The girl was wearing colars, mullet like hairstyle, leather, heavy layers, vest. Nah-ah, she gay.

Also, apparently, during the same time this show was running, so was another mystery show called The Hardy boys based on some books too. It’s also free on tubi, it was also cancelled because of low ratings and Nancy shows up in the last episode. For some reason I could only find the spanish version of it and so I had no choice but to watched the spanish version of the last episode in order to see Nancy and her amazing, I mean just fabulous, style, and like it starts off with her already in the car with them...like how? How did she meet them? Why is she in the car? What the hell is happening? Like they don’t explain it.

I think the show had a lot of pontantal if they would have just cleared up a few things. Just a few. I absolutely loved the characters, the styles, the clothing, the dialogue, the facial expressions, the 90’s of it all. It was really nice, I just wished that they would have dug a little deeper and showed us her at school, and like how she gets enough money to not only live on her own, but like buy furniture and shit. Like, in one episode she has a job, kind of, where she does surveys, but it’s never explained how she got it and it’s never mentioned afterwards. I wonder if she let that job know before she went to France...and France. Just why? Like seriously, I’m curious. Why France? Is it in the books or something? Like does something happen in France? Did she move from France? Is she French? Are the hardy dude French? Why are the hardy boys show, or whatever, only in spanish? I’m...what?

Should you watch it? Yeah, watch it so we can complain together. No one knows this show. I need someone to know it. Can’t find any articles about it soley, just a bunch talking about the different adaptations (though, to be fair, I haven’t looked that hard). Wikipedia has failed me. Only summerizes it. I...I got nothing.

(Below enjoy some awful quality photos (that I definitely did not screen shot from youtube bc I don’t have the most updated version to download tubi on my phone and I’m too lazy to get my laptop out, nope not the case at all) with some of my favorite outfits. Just so you know what I’m talking about.

[piercebaron]

episode 22 and adaptations

Actually, I do want to talk about it! I feel like episode 22 encapsulates my “weird” feelings towards the anime adaptation and how it has cut and reframed certain things. It’s not bad? Just weird. 

Spoilers for the Plunderer anime and for the manga, up to chapter 36. 

prefacing all of this with a general note: if you’ve only seen the anime, please read the manga. You’re valid, I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying the anime, but please read the manga because as horny as Minazuki is (and the man is . . . very, very much so), his art is also amazing and some of his panels deserve a second, third, or even a fourth look. The little details here and there actually crop up later and become important, and it’s just great. Chapters 46 - 53 are some of my favorite in media in a long, long time and I absolutely cannot wait until they’re released in an official capacity so I can fork over my money for them.

(seriously, you guys don’t know how hard I’ve tried to legally purchase volume 13. I want to give my money to this series so bad.)

This will also be a little scattershot and bounce around between other episodes, so apologies in advance. I’m trying to double-check chapters and whatnot as I go but if I get something wrong or miss something, please don’t hesitate to correct me in the replies! I’ve been watching the anime through Funimation’s site -- dubbed up through episode 11 and then subs from then on. 

Adaptations! Adaptations. By their very nature, they are not a 1:1 sort of thing. A lot of times, you’ll hear people say “read the book” when a movie adaptation of said book comes out. This is because by its very nature, a movie adaptation simply can’t capture everything in the book -- nor should it. Little things will slip through the cracks. This doesn’t make the movie adaptation bad, necessarily, just that it loses something. 

By the same token, if someone tried to do a direct 1:1 adaptation of a book where, say, the book is used as a script (which is an extremely bad idea for so many reasons, please have a script oh my goodness), chances are it’s not going to be a very good movie. There are musicals, for example, where when filmmakers try to make them into films, they flop because they’re not “cinematic.” The directors didn’t take into account the shift in mediums or, more likely, they sorely underestimated it. Understandable, since it’s two visual mediums, but still.

This is all leading up to me talking about Plunderer, I swear.

Manga to anime is a tricky, tricky thing. A manga has [X] amount of pages to work with, depending on if it’s a weekly or monthly series (or even some different increment!). The author, then, has to structure their chapters accordingly, moving things along to keep the reader interested while also controlling the ebb and flow of the story. Note how when the chapters end, they’re engineered to keep you wanting to read more!

Anime is similar in that respect, except the crew has 20-22 minutes to fill over the course of 12 to 24 episodes depending on the series order. Plunderer, ftr, had a 2 “cour” order from the get-go. They have to plan out the series as a whole, figuring out certain things like, where will the season end? What are the big beats, when will we hit them? Etc. It’s no coincidence that the “school” arc started right around episode 12, which is the halfway point of the series; note how there was that filler episode with Hina and Lynne cooking, after all. 

When I started watching the anime after reading the manga, I assumed they’d end the season with, roughly, the end of chapter 36. It’s a nice “resolution” to a lot of things that had been building up over the series. Hina and Licht are finally together, Licht has resolved to keep his mask off and face the future, Jail has a new direction, Lynne -> Licht is basically resolved, and Pele’s layers finally get peeled back just a bit. 

I saw some predictions online that they’d leave off at the cliffhanger in chapter 39 and while that’s a good guess, in terms of narrative ebb and flow for an anime, it doesn’t really line up. They’d really have to rush some stuff (Charles!! i love you, charles) to get there and in terms of a product that they want to be able to market in several territories, it makes more sense to give it some feeling of resolution. That said, what’s more likely along that vein is us potentially getting some sort of stinger at the end of episode 24 with one character talking to That Certain Character, and us getting a brief, shadowy shot of said character to make people go “ohhhhh shit, dude.” 

but idk this anime has made some strange choices.

Going into that! I’ve mentioned this here and there and talked about it with a friend, but the choices the anime has made in terms of adaptation is, uh, pretty strange at times. When changes get made, my instinct is to try and think through why they were changed and, ultimately, if it really affects the story in any way. If I went through the entire anime, it would be an extremely dull read; please know, however, that I am forever sad we missed Jail’s computer antics and Pele being the ultimate shit when it comes to Nana’s video, even if I understand why they were cut. 

That said, episode 22 is a perfect example of this, so uh. Let’s dive in, shall we?

The chapters that episode 22 covers are chapters 33 and 34. The events leading up to it are pretty much the same, but episode 22 contains some divergences. Going through them quickly:

We see more of Pele and Hina trying to stop Douan from going after Lynn.

Sonohara doesn’t show up during this confrontation. Hina gets her “the body was too clean” line instead.

Because Sonohara doesn’t show up, it’s Douan who attacks Lynn instead, causing her injuries with rocks. In the manga, Sonohara shows up, is drugged by Douan, and shoots a couple of bullets at Lynn.

Nana is just randomly lurking around?? In the manga, it’s clear she got caught at the same time. I’m really not sure what was up in the anime. Douan just yanks her out from behind a wall.

Douan sits with Nana, Hina, and Pele until morning, telling them he’ll kill them at dawn if Licht doesn’t show up. In the manga, he sits back and lets Sonohara terrorize them with a game of Russian Roulette, and Hina promptly (without words) calls Sonohara’s bluff.

Jail doesn’t show up in this episode at all. Instead, Hina gets his “did you check?” line.

We actually see Nana leave with Pele when he takes Lynn off. It looks like we’re going to actually see Doctor Pele in action, maybe? Hina is later sent off to help them.

Sonohara shows up towards the end, already drugged. Based on Douan’s line, it’s assumed that she was drugged off screen by the Secret Service. In the manga, he forcefully injects her.

The end of the episode sets up episode 23 to be Licht vs. Douan and Sonohara, with the preview showing Jail jumping into the fray.

whew, that’s a lot. 

I actually get why most of these changes were made! Setting up the penultimate episode of the series to be this big battle is a necessary change for an anime. And narratively speaking, this is much cleaner than it was in the manga, where Sonohara shows up briefly at the beginning of chapter 33, is drugged, and then basically exists to be crazy and antagonize people. It’s less balls in the air for the staff to have to juggle and for the audience to follow.

Douan’s character also gets some more depth. It’s funny because I feel like in the anime, he’s much more cruel than he was in the manga originally -- which is a feat, let me tell you. The anime flipped that in this episode, though, by not having Douan force the drugs onto Sonohara. 

The manga frames it as him doing it because he believes he knows what’s best for her, he’s trying to protect her in his own awful way, but it’s also, you know . . . nonconsensual as hell and gross on so many levels. This takes that off his shoulders which is a good change, honestly. 

But we lose some little character moments for the others in terms of streamlining. I think the thing that bums me out the most is Jail’s stuff. In the manga, after the confrontation with Alan, Jail steps in, calls Sonohara out and snaps her out of her drugged stupor without much of a fight (”without conviction, your bullets can’t pierce me”) and then slaps down the iron throne, telling Douan to shut up because Licht is coming. Chapter 34 ends with him just dead-eye staring at Douan like yeah, it’s annoying, but look. You’re the one who calls him a cockroach. Jail saying “did you check?” is a major mic drop moment and it’s basically when, from then on, Jail does not give a single flying fuck about the barons / aces. 

It definitely should be noted that some of these Jail moments will probably pop up in other ways in the next episode. I fully expect the bit about Sonohara’s bullets to come up, at least.

We lose out on Sonohara stuff too, though. She willingly throws herself into the lion’s den, shooting at Douan to distract him for long enough to allow Lynne to get away. It’s Sonohara who points out that Licht’s body was too clean -- something that makes more sense as someone who’s known him for 300+ years, knows what it means to be a baron / ace, and wasn’t immediately dragged off by the Secret Service. Her then terrorizing them while drugged is also a moment because when she forces Nana to play Russian Roulette, Hina immediately grabs the gun and points it at her head, firing all the “shots.” It’s empty, showing that despite the drugs, Sonohara didn’t want to kill them and Hina knew that all too well.

with all that said, I should note here that it’s entirely possible this scene will show up in some form next episode. Sonohara is still drugged and Hina, Nana, and Pele are all together in the bunker that is right nearby. I kind of doubt it given how the episode is framed and because narratively, it makes more sense to focus on the Licht vs. Douan and Sonohara -> Licht and Jail vs. Douan and Sonohara fight than to have Sonohara split off to randomly terrorize them, but. Like I said, this anime has made some strange choices.

Of course, character moments we get instead are Hina and even Pele being metal as hell. As much as I’m flapping my hands about losing the little character moments for Jail and Sonohara, it’s clear that they thought about how to utilize those moments while streamlining things, and they do work for Hina. And honestly, it’s really nice to see more stuff with her and Lynn? They get some cute panels later on in the manga (think chapter 55), but I like ladies and I like some lady solidarity. And Hina getting those little moments is on the same level as her straight up pointing a gun at her head all “you won’t kill me.”

and on a selfish note, I am actually really excited to see Pele tend to Lynn. The anime has been good about fleshing them out more and giving them little moments. My little shipper heart is delighted.

In the end, does it change much? Not really. These are small things, ultimately, just like how we didn’t lose much with the added filler and cut moments during the school arc. It’s all ultimately in the name of adaptation and while it’s weird, it’s not necessarily “bad.” It’s jarring for me as someone familiar with the manga (and having stared at some of these panels for so long, I’ve gotten really familiar with it), but thinking on it critically, yeah, I can see why. 

they better damn well do the “how did you know I could do surgery?” scene in the last episode though or I will be super bummed, okay. 

[flowery-mess]

Kiss from a rose

“And that is our third couple, Ethan Dolan and Nathalie Parker!” this years host Jess said with excited voice as Ethan and Nat made their way to the other two couples standing on the side of dance floor forming into one line.

Dancing with the stars. Yes, I made it. My childhood dream became true, all of the pain and hours of dancing finally paid off. I remember watching DWTS in TV with my parents, begging them to let me watch it until the end instead of going to bed, because I loved it. I always made my dad to dance with me for my mum and she giving us a score after. I smiled at this memory from my childhood and also smiled because I was so happy to be here.

Layer of sweat laid on my forehead, maybe because of the group opening dance or maybe because I still didn’t have my partner. I honestly didn’t care who I am going to be paired with, because I was excited to meet new people and I was opened to any challenge that would come with any of those celebs guys.

It was celebrity female turn, so I didn’t pay much attention, because the nerves were still getting on me. Well, more excitement than nerves. I watched from the top of the stairs as another couple made their way to the others and patiently waited for the next male come out.

“Ladies and gentleman welcome the other Dolan twin! Grayson Dolan everyone!”  Jess said as this handsome man jogged in her way and stand right next to her with his hands nervously tucked in his pockets.

“Welcome Grayson. Are you excited? Are you going to win over your brother who’s already paired up?” Jess started the little interview as I continued to admire Grayson’s looks. He wore khaki classy pants and black shirt that complimented his arms just right. Those pants suited him also really well. And just to say, khaki is his color. He had his hair styled perfectly and thin layer of make up on his face. He was smiling. It was visible it was nervous smile, but he was still looking good without even trying.

“Hello everyone, glad to be here. Winning over Ethan? I’m not sure in competition like this, but I’m going to do everything I can to beat him.” He said with a laugh. Yep, at this point I was hoping I will be paired with him, but when I looked at the other beautiful girls in front of me on the stairs I told myself to not to be that excited.

“Okay. Let’s look who’s going to be your partner!” Jess said and the lights turned at us dancers, music slightly turned down as everyone waited for one name to be said.

“And Grayson’s partner is...“ I made eye contact with him for a while as he looked at all of us, waiting which one is going to be his partner for some time now. “ It’s Y/N Y/L/N! Come down here.” Jess waved at me as I stood there in shock. Was I nervous before getting to know I am couple with Grayson Dolan? Hell yeah I was. Am I nervous now that I know he is my partner? Hell yeah I am.

I made my way down there, trying to not to fall down and embarrass myself as I couldn’t hide the smile of happiness.

When I made it next to Jess and Grayson, we shook hands and hugged. He kept one of his arms around my shoulders then, so I put mine around his waist as Jess said “And this is our fifth couple Grayson Dolan and Y/N Y/L/N. Go take your place.”

We made our way next to other dancers and waited for the rest of the couples to join us.

Throughout the first episode we made small talks here and there, but there wasn’t really time for introduction.

“And that’s it for tonight guys, we have our couples who have few days to prepare their first dance for next week.” John, the other host, said. Him and Jess stand in front of us couples saying bye to the cameras.

“Me and John are really excited about that episode because it’s the only night we won’t have to send one of these beautiful couples home.”

“Yes I have to agree. So stay tuned, follow our Instagram for more behind the scenes and make sure to be back next week.” John said and everyone waved to the camera.

“Okay guys, great job. That’s it for today.” The director said and all of his crew started packing cameras and stuff.

“Hi Y/N? I wanted to introduce myself properly. I’m Grayson.” Gray said and put his hand out once more.

“I’m Y/N.” I smiled and accepted his handshake.

“So how is this going to be now? Together 24/7 huh?” he said while laughing.

“Yeah kind of. I hope I won’t be too much annoying. I might not look like it, but I can be a bitch coach sometimes.”

“I live with Ethan I think I can endure anything trust me.”

“Okay then, we will see.” I send smirk his way, because as I said, I might not look like it, but I can be a bitch sometimes. But with his face I don’t think it will be easy to be mad at him.

“So, we should start training as soon as possible. Our first dance is salsa and I already have some ideas in my head. Of course I want to discuss everything with you, want to know what you want and don’t want. Also I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Like if something is uncomfortable or too much for you, just tell me. This show is fun, so I don’t want to be the reason you wouldn’t enjoy it.” I started talking about training, because I was so excited that I may have or have not prepared the first dance by myself already.

“Yeah sure. Communication is the key right?”

“Exactly.”

“Hey there,” I heard someone say and we both turned our heads towards him “I don’t want to interrupt you but everyone is leaving now and we came together so I just wanted to know when you want to leave?” I didn’t even notice that the room was already empty.

“Oh and I’m Ethan. Nice to meet you and good luck with this one. He really sucks at dancing.” Ethan pulled me in hug and made me laugh with his little comment about his brother.

“I’m Y/N. And we will see. I’m pretty sure I am a good teacher and would do my best to help him beat you.” I said with a straight face. I think Grayson could say it was just joke, but Ethan probably didn’t.

“I am just kidding.” I laughed at Ethan’s confused face.

“But we’re still going to win over you.” Grayson added.

“Okay okay, you can continue with this on your way home. We should really go now.” I said because at this point it was just us and some stuff crew in the room.

“Can I have your number so we can be in touch?” Grayson asked with unlocked phone in his hand.

“Sure. Are you free tomorrow? For the first training.” I started typing my number and waited for his answer.

“Yes I should be free all day.”

“Okay then, I will text you time and address.”

“Great. See you tomorrow then.” He send last smile to me before him and Ethan left.

I took my stuff from our changing room and headed home. This was one tiring day for me.

My place is half an hour away from the studios DWTS takes place, so when I made it home it was already midnight. I needed to wash out all of the glitter and make up from my body so I headed to shower. I enjoyed the hot water running down my body. I spend almost an hour in the bathroom so when I finally made it to bed it was almost 1am. I had one unread text on my phone and one missed call.

The text said ‘Hi it’s Grayson. Just texting you so you can have my number’ I saved his number and texted him back with the address and time to meet me tomorrow, well today.

And one missed call from my dad. I talked to my dad just before the show started. He said he’s going to watch it and probably cry because it will bring memories  of us dancing in our living room when I was little. I made a note to myself to call him in morning.

I was really excited for my first practice with Gray. When I started with the choreography for our fist dance, I went for the simple moves. I didn’t know who I am going to get at that time so I tried not to do it too hard. I think it should be okay and if he can handle this, we will go for more and more each week.

I gave Grayson the address of the dance studio I train and dance since I moved here. The owner is very nice lady, who gave me permission of training here whenever I want for the show, so I think me and Grayson will spend lot of time there. I decided to walk there, because it’s 20minutes walk from my place. I brought my laptop, water and food and also clothes I could change into if I’m too sweaty, because I plan on spending the whole day there today.

When I came there it was 9.30 and I told Grayson to be there at 10, so I had some time to go over the routine and work on small details.

I danced the routine over and over I didn’t even notice it was 10 until Grayson came in.

He had some black shorts with white details on the side and simple white shirt. Bag hanging around his shoulder and water bottle in the other hand. It looked like he didn’t even bother to style his hair, like if he knew what was coming and knew that it was pointless. And of course the smile never leaving his face since yesterday night.

“Good morning.” He waved little in my direction and put his bag down next to mine.

“Good morning Gray.” He smiled at the nickname I called him and started taking his sneakers off.

“Ready for your first training?”

“I hope so.” He took out the dancing shoes from his bag and put them on his feet. Once he was ready he stood up and came next to me.

“Okay. So from the begging I want to teach you some basic steps and moves. As I said yesterday we are dancing salsa as our first dance. It’s not the easiest, but you don’t have to think of your frame and technique that much as with standard dances. But there’s thin line between having fun while dancing salsa and looking like total idiot. But don’t worry I won’t let that happen.” I had to let out a little laugh because of the terrified look on his face.

“So the basic step looks like this.” I said and showed him.

“When you dance you usually count to eight, but in salsa it’s just six. See? I do one, two, three forward and four, five, six backward. When you go forward you use your left leg, backward your right leg. It’s important to say that you should step only on the tip of your feet. Let’s go, do the same as me.”

After hour of the basics and me making Gray sway his hips the right way and not to step on his own feet, he was able to understand the basics of salsa. We decided to take a little break before doing the pair dance.

“So how long do you dance?”

“Since I was like four I guess?”

“That’s cool. I never really sticked around one sport for that long.”

“What you and Ethan did growing up?”

“We played football and wrestling for some time.”

“Did you ever try dancing?”

“Seriously? No. Actually I never knew how to dance. We did this video with Ziegler sisters where we were dancing and I was kind of surprised with myself.”

“Well you learned the basics very quickly so I think there won’t be problem with you learning the dance, but with you being more confident. But don’t worry I’ll always be there with you. And I’m going to make sure you know the routine before the show so you don’t forget it or something.”

“I am really scared of that.”

“Don’t be. After the first dance you will become more comfortable on the dance floor and with the cameras and everything.”

“Okay I am going to trust you.”

“You should. Now, let’s get into it.”

We set our bottles down and stood in front of the mirror once again.

“Okay so now, we’re going to do the same step, but together as a pair.” I turned to face Grayson so I could show him where to put his hands.

“Your left hand and my right hand are here.” I took his hand in mine and put them in the air on the level of our shoulders. As our fingers touch I felt this unknown feeling run through my body.

“And your right hand here on my waist and my left hand on your shoulder.” New touch always makes me feel in unknown way, but Grayson’s touch was just gentle and nice like he was scared to touch me. We stand in this position and just looked in each other’s eyes for like 10 seconds, but it felt like hours.

“Even though this is the main position, we will probably never use this. But to learn the way we work together is great to start from the beginning. So let’s do the same steps as before, just together right? Five, six, seven, eight.”

Grayson is learning fast. We did various combinations and steps and turnings for the next two hours.

“This is actually really fun. I was scared to even come here this morning but I am having a great time so far.” Grayson said when we were laying on the floor, having another break.

“Yeah I like salsa. It’s fun, it even sounds fun. I think I can tell you something about this routine I prepared for this week.”

“Okay.” He looked at me like little boy looks at someone who’s going to tell him the biggest secret of all the time. He really was excited for this.

“So I didn’t really came up with a scenario or story, but more like a theme. The song we are dancing to is called ‘Vivir mi vida’. When I heard it I immediately thought of a carnival and colors. I was thinking of the two of us sitting at a bar on the beach at the beginning and then when the music starts one of us to get up and take the other one to dance. I don’t think it needs some deep story behind it. What do you think?” I made quotation marks with my hands in the air when I was talking about the bar and beach part.

( I was inspired by this dance )

“Uhh I like it.” He said and his big smile made its way to his face.

“Well and about dress. I told the designers how our dance is going to look like so they will come up with something. Trust me they are the best, we’re going to look really good.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

“Okay you’re too hyped. Let’s use it for something good and start with the routine.”

At the end of our practice, after nine hours of training, we had half of our choreography done. Grayson remembers the routine so that’s good. But we need to practice a lot. Some parts are better then others. We have some lifts, turnings and interesting moves in it.

“That’s it for today. Good job Gray.” I put my hand in the air for him to give me high five.

“I’m tired. No, I think I’m dead inside. And sweaty on the outside.” He said still catching his breath.

“And it’s just the first day. Tomorrow same time?”

"Yes, but if I won’t be there I’ll probably be dead in my bed.”

With that we started packing our clothes and stuff in our bags. I made sure the windows are closed, lights are off and door locked.

“Do you need a ride?” Gray asked when we stepped outside.

“No I’m fine with walk, but thanks.” I said and I didn’t lie. I enjoy walks after training whole day to cool off, but I wouldn’t have problem with spending more time Gray.

“Oh no you’re not walking alone at this time. Get in young lady.” He pointed finger to his blue car, which was the last one standing in the parking lot.

When  he stopped in front of my complex I made sure he’s down for tomorrow’s practice.

“I’ll be there. Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Gray.”

Second day of practice was hard for Gray. I could see that. He wasn’t that excited like the first day, but that was nothing surprising. We did more of our routine and then did it over and over again. I didn’t want to torture him much, so we ended earlier then our first practice.

Third day of practice was great. We finished the routine and again, tried it over and over until we were too tired. Grayson started becoming more confident and I started to like spending time with him more and more. He drove me home everyday and after wishing me good night in car, he texted me simple ‘good night’ message every night.

Fourth day we decided to take day off. We both had some things to do and we deserved it after those three days of hard work. I visited my parents and showed them videos we took while practicing. My dad said it looked great and he can’t wait to see it on TV with our dress and everything done. And my mum couldn’t forget to say something about how we look cute. I mean, of course he does. He looks great even after 10 hours dancing, with sweat all over his body and hair all over his face. Red cheeks? Cute on him. Sometimes I even notice myself to stare at him when he’s not looking and just hope that he didn’t notice that.

Fifth day was our fitting rehearsal and nothing more than practicing. Our dress looking more than great and I was really satisfied with how our routine looked. And I need to say, Grayson is a great dancer. He’s talented of course, but he works hard. He tries his best and with every time we repeat it, he is better. He doesn’t see that probably, but I do.

Sixth day is rehearsal at the studios.

“M’ nervous.” He said with hands over his mouth as we waited for the couple to finish their routine so we could go.

“Don’t be Gray. You are good. You can do it.” I laid my hands on his shoulders and looked in his eyes. This time it wasn’t just 10 seconds that we were staring in each other’s eyes. I slowly felt him relax and hugged him. His hands made their way around my body as he hugged me back.

"Okay Grayson and Y/N we’re ready.” The director said and we made our way to the dance floor.

We made sure everything is set as we wanted it to and became our routine.

“Oh my god I did it.” I heard Gray said when we stood in our final pose. Both of us sweating, our chests going up and down, but both of us happy that we did good.

“Yes you did!” we high fifed and left the dance floor.

“Y/N how did you do that? What did you do to him? This wasn’t my brother dancing.” Ethan run to me just the second we left the dance floor and started shaking my shoulders.

“It seems like you just didn’t know what’s in your twin.” I shrugged my shoulders and laughed. Before this show you would might say that Ethan is the better dancer, but now?

The three of us continued to talk on our way to our changing room. I changed in my clothes and packed everything. I made sure my dress are ready for tomorrow and don’t need any last touch ups. Just before I left the studio I found Grayson sitting just by himself in the main hall.

“Hi.” I sat next to him.

“Hey.”

“Ready for tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. What if I did good today but I will mess it up tomorrow?”

“No you won’t Gray. I know that. You know the routine and you won’t forget it over night.”

“Yeah I better not.”

“Okay, stop thinking about the worse things that could happen and go home and get some sleep. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“So I will see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Don’t you need a ride home?”

“No I drove here today, but thanks. Night Gray.” I leaned down where he was sitting and kissed his cheek. I don’t know why I did that. He didn’t expect it so I felt him tense up under my touch.

“I’m sorry.” I said immediately and felt the heat on my face.

“Don’t be sorry, I don’t mind it.” He laughed a little as he stood up.

“Good night Y/N.” He said, kissed my cheek too and left. Left me standing there with red face and thinking of what just happened. After while I turned around and left the studio.

When I came home and looked myself in the mirror I still could see that my cheeks are little bit red and that smile never left my face. I probably wasn’t supposed to feel something for my dance partner or to feel something for anyone that I know for like a week, but I probably did.

I fell asleep with that stupid smile on my face and thinking of how I was feeling. I was feeling the same way as in fifth grade when Joshua gave me a flower and kissed my cheek. We were little, but I was crushing on him so hard, so when he did than I felt the heat and red color come to my face just as with Grayson today. I was head over heels in love with Joshua for next three years in primary school until he started dating Jane from other class, but that’s a different story.

  But Grayson isn’t another Joshua right?

  Seventh day. The big day. The first live show of this years season. First Grayson’s live dance. Our first performance as a couple. I woke up at 6am when the sun started shining through my window. We had to be at the studios at 8am so I had enough time to get ready.

First thing I do in the morning is make myself nice breakfast, watch some TV and go through my phone. I had few notifications when I unlocked it, one of them was message from Gray saying “Can’t sleep, m’ so nervous.” When I looked at the time it was sent, which was 4am, all I thought was just how really nervous he must be if he can’t fall asleep. I understand he is nervous, but I know he doesn’t need to be. He worked hard, he did damn good on yesterdays rehearsal and I was so excited for him to shine on the dance floor tonight.

After finishing my breakfast I took a quick shower, packed some things in my dance bag and left. I saw Grayson’s car parked in the parking lot for cast when I arrived already.

“Good morning everyone.” I said to the stage crew and directors and other people who worked behind cameras and made my way to changing room. I decided to visit Grayson before I went to put my dress on and to do my hair and make up.

I knocked on his and Ethan’s door and waited for who’s going to open them.

“Good morning Y/N.”

“Good morning Ethan. How are you feeling?” I had to ask when I saw his excited smile. He for sure wasn’t that nervous as Gray.

“So ready to show the world my moves.” He made a quick spin with a pose at the end with his hands in the air.

“Can’t wait to see that. Now, where is your nervous twin?”

“Over there, listening to some music.” He nodded his head in the direction of the small black coach that was in their room and I saw Gray laying there with his eyes closed and headphones on.

“I’m going to look for Nat.” Ethan said and left the room.

I made my way to Grayson and couldn’t help but watched him laying there peacefully for a minute. He wore black sweats and black t-shirt. Simple, but suited him well. I touched his shoulder just before he would open his eyes and saw me staring at him.

“Ethan I told you I’m not-“ he sat up really fast and looked annoyed that someone interrupted him from his peace.

“Oh sorry Y/N I thought it was Ethan, he’s been annoying me all morning.”

“Really? He seems really excited, but look at you. Looking like a kid who lost his favourite car toy.” I took place next to him.

“Because I am nervous. I try to not, but all I can think of is just what if I mess up?”

“You won’t. But even if you would? Who cares? You keep dancing and make it seem like that’s part of the show.”

“Easy for you to tell.” He putted his hands on his knees and his head in his hands.

“Do you think I can’t mess up? Or that I never did? That is something that happens to everyone. No matter how many times I have danced on the stage, it can happen. The more you will think about it the biggest chance is that it will really happen.” Few minutes of silence before I said we should head to get our looks done.

My make up matched my dress. Orange and red color. My dress has two parts. One of them is bra in mostly orange color and at the end some dark red. And lot of glitters. The other part is skirt, which ends somewhere in my middle thighs. It matches the color of my bra and of course more glitters. My hair were pinned up in middle in perfectly made bun. I have to say they did pretty good job.

Now, let’s look at Grayson. Of course we have to match, so his shirt is in Hawaiian flowery style in orange and red colors. Top buttons are left hanging open to show his chest a little and it’s tucked in his black pants, which fit him well. His hair is slightly styled and thin layer of make up on his face.

We still had some time before the show started, so we went to sit next to the dance floor to watch other couples practicing and eventually try our routine few times.

“I’m really excited to see Ethan doing the Viennese waltz. It’s my favourite dance.“ I said as we watched Ethan and Nathalie, who had probably the most beautiful dress I have ever seen on, doing their routine.

“Yeah he showed me some videos, it looks good actually.”

"They both look stunning, can’t wait until it’s just them on the floor.”

“They look good, but look at us right? We’re about to have our own party tonight.” Grayson said and it finally looked like he was enjoying all of this.

“There it is! That’s what I like to hear. C’mon let’s try it one more time.”

So we did. And it felt really good. Then we had like hour before the beginning. Everyone did their own thing, ate, slept or just talked with others. I called my parents. They were so excited for me. Maybe more than I was. They couldn’t make it for tonight, but they promised to be there every other night. Of course I missed hug from my mum and kiss on forehead from dad before the performance, but something about Gray gives me this chill vibe that I wasn’t even that nervous.

It all happened so fast that I can’t even remember when we were introduced or when we all walked down the stairs. All I remember is director saying this:

“Okay Grayson and Y/N you’re going next, get ready please.”

Ethan and Nathalie just finished their dance and it was so beautiful as I expected it. Nathalie is like a princess and Ethan fit next to her really well. Even though I have to admit Ethan did quite lot technique mistakes, it looked beautiful.

“Gray I know you’re nervous, but let the people sitting there out of your mind. Look at me and think of us in the small room practicing okay?” I took his hands in mine and came step closer to his body.

“Okay. Let’s do this.” He said and took my hands in his to his lips and kissed both of my hands. I couldn’t help but smiled at this small gesture and answered with simple “Yeah.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Grayson and Y/N.” Jess interrupted our little moment. We made our way to the right side of the dance floor where our little fake beach bar was and made our starting position. I could feel a little squeeze from Gray on my hand, so I did it back just to let him know to not to be nervous.

 “One, two, three.” I heard the leader of the band behind us before the song started.

I started walking with Gray behind me holding my hand, swaying our hips just the right way. One spin, two steps left, little feet cross, turn around to face Gray as his hands made their way to my hips. I don’t think I will ever get used to his touch. His big hands with their gentle grip. We made eye contact while I swayed from side to side and then turned around and let my back hit his chest as we continued the steps of our routine. Just before the end we did the famous lift you can know from Dirty dancing. Grayson is strong so there was no problem with him lifting me up. After few seconds he found coordination and we stood still which made me smile proudly. He put me back down, connected our hands, one last turn, step to the right and pose.

We stood in the pose for a minute and I felt like in a dream. I don’t know if it was because it was the first episode and I wasn’t used to that many people watching us or if it was because of this handsome guy standing behind me with his hand around my body and the other one connected with mine in the air.

But back to reality, I heard Grayson’s breathing and his chest going up and down. People clapping their hands and smiling. I started smiling too, because I felt amazing.

“You did it!” I turned around to say to Grayson and he pulled me in for hug and lifted me up.

“We did it!”

We hugged one more time, before Jess pulled us for a little interview.

“Amazing you two! It looked like you had so much fun dancing this. How was your first week training Grayson?”

“It was great. I mean, it hurt and I was tired and I swear at one point I was dead, but it was amazing. I have amazing partner who made this amazing choreography and I am glad it’s just the beginning.” I stared up at him, watching his eyes lit up at everything he was saying.

“And about you Y/N? Was it hard to get Grayson in shape?”

“Not at all. He’s quick at remembering the steps, so we did the routine at the beginning of this week and then just practiced and focused on details. I’m glad he enjoyed it after all the nerves he had.”

“Thank you again. You can now go up to John and the others.”

Gray took mine hand in his and we made our way to all the couples that were waiting up in the lounge room.

Ethan immediately pulled Grayson in for hug and I went to talk with girls. We still had some more couples to perform.

Nothing interesting happened that night, no one left the show yet, the real competition begins next week. So when Jess and John ended this episode, everyone made their way to pack their things and leave for some good sleep.

When I came out of my changing room I was met with two hazel eyes looking at me.

“Hey, are you waiting for me?” “Yeah, I wanted to say thank you. For everything. I had really fun this last week and I loved the performance.”

“Me too, but trust me, the real fun just begins.”

“Does that mean practice tomorrow?” he laughed.

“It sure does. 10AM?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Good night Y/N.” He said and leaned in to give me kiss on the cheek. I felt his breath on my cheek and it felt like slow motion. His hand made its way to my other cheek and pulled me closer to him.

“Good night Grayson.” We shared last look before I turned around and left to get in my car.

I sat behind the wheel for a moment and caught myself smiling like fifth grader in love again. He really made the butterflies in my stomach fly like crazy and I didn’t know what to do about it. Did he feel the same way about me? I don’t have a clue.

Grayson didn’t left my mind until I fell asleep after this great day.

The next four weeks went quickly. It was just me, Grayson, dancing, live show and sleeping. We managed to make it through in the fifth episode where we were dancing Viennese waltz.

Those past weeks were really fun. I liked spending time with Grayson more with every week. Kiss on the cheek always when we were saying goodbye. Long hugs when we met in the morning. Those innocent touches we’ve been sharing with each other when we weren’t dancing. For example when we had interview and Grayson’s hand was around my waist, or when we were watching our last dance on my phone and he stood behind me, his chest touching mine and his head resting on my shoulder. Or his arm around my shoulders? Don’t even get me start on that because it was there all the time. I realized that I might have had liked Grayson more than just my dance partner, but all I could think of was how unprofessional it would be for us to be a thing. At least while the show was on. I couldn’t really tell if he was feeling the same, we never talked about it. But I could see how he looked at me when he though I don’t know it. But not everything was always that sweet. We had a few arguments. The biggest one was when he couldn’t make it to practice three times a week and we didn’t get to practice much and it did show on our score. But luckily we didn’t get out. We gave each other silent treatment or cold shoulder, but that’s what you get when you put two people together for that long and make them work on something together.

And something felt different this week. I don’t know if it was because it was my favourite dance and I really wanted it to be perfect or something else.

I did choose  my parents favourite song Kiss from a rose for our dance. My dress were long enough to cover my legs, the upper part was lacy with sleeves to my elbows and it was whole covered in dark red. My hair were made into perfectly looking bun and my lipstick matched my dress. Grayson’s outfit was simple, but he looked handsome as never before. Tight black pants and white shirt. I didn’t feel the need to show the world how we can sway our hips or how fun dancing is, I just wanted to show our good technique and enjoy this as much as I could.

I forgot to mention that Ethan and Nat sadly left us two weeks ago after their samba. It was sad because the twins do everything together and I could see it was hard for Grayson to see Ethan leave, but he still was there every week to support him.

We held hand as we waited for the time of our performance. Again, I couldn’t tell why or what but something felt different this time. We weren’t talking, we didn’t hype each other up this time. I have to say we were both tired and really wanted some time off.

“Ladies and gentlemen welcome Grayson Dolan and Y/N Y/L/N.”

We made our way and I felt Gray squeezed my hand. It became our thing before every performance. I sent smile in his direction and made my way to the other side of the dance floor.

We stood face to face, eyes never leaving the other ones.

The song started and I started walking towards Grayson. This routine didn’t have a plot. It was simple as it could be.

When we met in the middle of the dance floor we intertwined our hands, made the starting pose with our strong frames and started the routine I fell in love with. Or did I fell in love with Grayson?

It felt like it was just him and I. Every look he send my way gave me chills. Every one of his touches felt like he was touching me for the first time. When he lift me up I felt safe in his arms and I knew he would never drop me.

One final spinning lift and it was over. We stood in our final pose for a minute and waited for everyone’s reaction. Our foreheads touching, his hands around me, my right hand on his chest and the other one caressing his cheek. I felt tear slipped down my cheek as I heard people clapping their hands for us.

Grayson kissed my forehead and pulled me in hug.

“I’m so proud of you.” I whispered in his ear so only he could hear it.

After the interview with Jess and judges talk we made our way up to the lounge, stood next to John and waited for our points.

We got 38 out of 40 which was our best score since the beginning. That made me smile even more if that was possible, but I am glad that the judges loved our performance just much as I did.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t read the posts on Instagram and Twitter from fans about how we would be the cutest couple or how we match each other really well and I thought that this dance will drive the fans crazy.

After the rest of the couples finished their dance, we stood made circle in the middle of the dance floor and waited for Jess and John tell us who’s going home tonight.

Grayson stood behind me with his hands around my waist and his head resting on my shoulder as my hands rested on his.

After some time it was just us and one other couple. For the first time in this competition it was us in this position. I felt Grayson’s grip on my tightened, so I slightly turned my head to face him and said “Whatever happens, I am proud of us, okay?”

“Yeah me too.” He said as we shared little smiles and waited.

“And the couple leaving us this week is...” Jess waited a minute before she continued

“...Grayson and Y/N.” She said sadly and the light that was shinning on us turned off.

“Come here you two.” John made space between him and Jess for us and gave Grayson mic in his hands.

“What are your feelings Gray?” John started.

“I’m sad. I was really happy about our score and tonight’s routine.”

“I have to agree, you were amazing tonight.” Jess added and Gray gave me the mic.

“And your feeling Y/N?”

“Well, this is my second time in this show and it’s just amazing. I learned a lot from everyone who works on this and you guys do a great job. And Grayson? He did amazing since the beginning. I was satisfied with him every week and we got along really well so I am glad he was the one by my side this season and I am very proud of him. Of us.” Few tears slipped down my cheeks and my voice was shaky through my talk.

“I would like to say big thank you to Y/N, because she showed me that I can dance and pushed me into more every week. I’m glad I had the chance to spend this time with her and I am proud of us too.”

“We are all sad that you two are leaving us. I mean, look at our favourite judge Katie, is she crying?” everyone laughed at Katie hiding her face behind her papers.

“Let’s give you two last minutes on the dance floor. Grayson Dolan and Y/N Y/L/N!”

Rest of the couples made circle around us as we dance to the slow song the band was playing.

My head rested on Gray’s shoulder this time and he placed his chin on my forehead. We didn’t talk, we didn’t need to. We were sad, but also happy. I enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me probably for the last time and closed my eyes and continued to slowly sway from one feet to the other.

After saying goodbye to everyone and packing my things I went to Grayson’s changing room. I knocked three times and waited.

“Come in.” And so I did. He was packing his things, already changed into his pants and t-shirt.

“Hey there.”

“Hey.” He stopped putting things in his bag and stood straight.

“I wanted to stop by before leaving home, but I don’t really know what to say.”

He sat down in his couch and motioned for me to come sit next to him. When I did, he pulled me in side hug. We stayed like that for a few minutes, not talking and both in our own thoughts.

“Are you free tonight?” Grayson asked.

“Yeah, it’s almost midnight and I don’t really have plans at this time of a day.” I laughed and looked at him.

“Okay, let’s go then. I want to take you somewhere.” He stood up, packed his last things and waited for me. I was still at the couch, surprised at his sudden actions.

“Where?”

“You will see. Let’s go Y/N.” He smiled. Who could say no to this smile?

I got up and took my bag. On the way to his car we stopped at mine and I put my things in there.

“Let’s go Dolan.”

The ride was silent. Only thing you could hear was the radio. I think neither of us knew what to talk about because we still had mixed feelings after tonight’s shows.

We drove for like half an hour when he pulled away from the main road.

“I am going to say the most cliché thing ever, but you’re not going to kill me right?” I laughed and looked at him. The moon was shining strong tonight and it made his face even more beautiful.

“How could I?”

“Well after those dance classes we had, after what I pulled you through.”

“That was fun, not torture. I enjoyed every single day with you.”

“I did too.”

Good for me it was dark outside and he couldn’t see my red cheeks. After that we didn’t talk anymore and drove for another twenty minutes.

“We’re almost there. Just this one last hill.”

I looked out and saw that we weren’t in woods anymore, but on a big meadow. But still nothing to see. He stopped his car on the top and I could see a single bench.

We went out of the car and I immediately hug myself with my hands, because the cold air hit me.

“Do you want blanket? I think I should have one in the back.”

“Yeah that would be nice.”

I made my way to the bench while he looked for the blanket. I sat down and looked at the view. Amazing. You could see the lights from LA and the dark sky with stars and it was simply amazing.

I felt Grayson put the blanket over my shoulders and then sat next to me.

“Like it?” he asked.

“A lot.”

“It’s my favourite place. I went here after few of our classes. Thinking of what I got myself into.” I could hear a little chuckle left his lips.

“I hope you don’t regret it.”

“I don’t.”

“How did you find this place?” I changed the subject. I wanted to escape the world of Dancing with the starts for a while.

“One day when E and I got into argument, a big one, I needed to be alone. So I drove out of LA and then got lost. I ended up here and since then I go here when I need to be alone.”

“That’s cool. I always wanted something like this. Place you can go to escape.”

He didn’t answer to what I said, he suddenly changed the subject.

“Are we going to continue with seeing each other?” I am not going to lie I was in shock when those words left his lips.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I got used to seeing you almost everyday, I can’t just cut you off.” He smiled.

“You’re right. I got used to your presence as well Dolan.”

He looked down at his fingers and sighed.

“I want to tell you something, but you can stop me if you think it’s going to ruin whatever we have now. Okay?” he looked straight into my eyes and had serious look on his face.

“Okay.”

He took my hands in his and started talking.

“You’re amazing person. Also amazing dancer and I’m glad that I could experienced this with you. I told you I got used to seeing you everyday and I don’t think I want to change it. You may think this is stupid, but I think I have feelings for you. I’m not sure if it’s love and I don’t want to scare you with saying that I love you, because that is a serious thing, but I want to be honest with you. I like you, I like spending my time with you and I don’t want to end this because of our end in the show.”

He made a long pause so I got that it’s probably everything he wanted to say. I brought his hands up to my lips and kissed both of them.

“First of all I want you to know that it’s hard for me to express my feelings so whatever I am going to say might sounds stupid. You are the nicest person ever, I mean you came every morning to the studio with smile on your face! Even when it was 7AM. It always got me in better mood. You made my mood better since the show started and I don’t want to end it too. So, whatever I’m felling towards you is probably similar to your feelings. So let’s not stop seeing each other.”  A laugh escaped my lips because just like I said, I don’t know how to express my feelings.

I didn’t even have a time to see what his reaction is because he grabbed my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss. I did not expect this at all, but I didn’t pull away. I waited for this since our first lesson.

He was gentle. Not just when he kissed me, he was gentle all the time. He was also gentleman, kind, funny, handsome, talented and I fell for him hard.

We stayed glued to each other on that bench for what seemed like ages and then he drove me home. For the first time it wasn’t ‘Good night’ with kiss on the cheek, but it was ‘Good night’ with proper kiss I craved for so long.

[acklest]

Jensen Ackles, AU!Michael!Dean, 14x10: Nihilism (and rambling about “range”)

Jensen was so fucking good, don’t even touch me right now, don’t even look at me. I mean, he’s always good, but with this episode, he kicked it in the ASS.

I don’t feel like I have enough WORDS for it. Behind a cut while I prattle on. (None of the gifs used as examples are mine.)

I watched the episode multiple times to see what Jensen was doing as Michael that so wasn’t Dean Winchester, because he was so fascinatingly NOT Dean. I know there are certain style choices that lend themselves to the differences, like his hair being parted on the other (wrong) side and the painstakingly dapper suits and the newsboy cap. Dean Smith (4x17: It’s a Terrible Life) had his hair parted on the wrong side, too. It’s some easy shorthand for “hey, something about this isn’t quite right.” (Like the French cuffs didn’t give it away.)

Demon!Dean was just Dean without the moral center. He was fun to watch, don’t get me wrong, for the brief time we got him. MoC!Dean was actually closer to what I thought Demon!Dean was going to be, so I enjoyed him more. Watching MoC!Dean massacre the Stynes was epic and so satisfying (and tragic I know because of the kid, I’m not like yay murder). As much as I love the real Sam and Dean, and I’m always happy when they get back to who they really are, these dark side digressions are so much fun because we get to see Jared and Jensen show off.

But there’s more to it than that. Jensen has said that his approach to each new script is instinctive (reads the script once or twice and decides what he’s going to do) and Jared is intellectual (reads it multiple times to feel like he’s really soaked it in). But here, I feel, Jensen has made some very deliberate choices. 

First, A Tangent: I watch different Dark Angel vids on Youtube and there’s usually a comment somewhere about how Alec and Dean are basically the same character, or Alec is Young!Dean. They don’t (always) come right out and say, “He can only convincingly play Dean-like characters”, but the implication is there. The two characters have some superficial traits in common, like sarcasm, physical comedy, Jensen’s face (can’t be helped). But even his face doesn’t really come into it once you hit the latter half of S1 because Jensen’s face changed a lot in the interim. His jaw got stronger, his face got broader. So I watched an episode of Dark Angel and immediately watched an episode of Supernatural (1x3: Dead in the Water). @deanscarlett​ helped me figure this out: Alec is out for out for himself, Dean was always out for anything but himself (except when it comes to pleasure-seeking, when he even allows it). Alec has his own psychological trauma (2x11: The Berrisford Agenda) which adds facets to his character’s mercenary pursuits, but once he locks down that perceived weakness (”I’m always alright”), you don’t really see him break down like that again. His programming is strong; he just buries it. But it serves a purpose: Max had written him off as a loss after she saved his life at the expense of not getting a cure to the virus (2x3: Proof of Purchase). It showed her that he wasn’t just a “happy-go-lucky sociopath”, that he had a story like everyone else, and that meant he deserved a shot at redemption. Alec was relatively unburdened (I mean... genetically enhanced master assassin... star torturer in HELL... Dean wins this round, I think) compared to Dean, who’s had ever-increasing weight on his shoulders since “Take your brother outside as fast as you can - don't look back. Now, Dean! GO!” Even young, Dean was never this carefree except maybe in his imagination or as a way to distance himself from others, or when he got really into the “I’m a badass I save people” part of it.

In this scene, Alec (if the character is Jensen’s age) is 23. He’s found a bunch of transgenics that fled from Manticore (the only home they’ve ever known) because of a fire. They’re all children, ranging in age from elementary school to early teens. He’s annoyed because they interrupted his sexy times in a motel. He’s very dismissive of them and spends most of those scenes throwing pieces of popcorn at one of the X7s, who are all small children. Creepy black-eyed hive-minded small children, but small children nonetheless. He makes smart remarks and rolls his eyes while Max tries to get through to the children to let them know that they should absolutely not go back to Manticore if they want to live. In just a few minutes, she takes apart their foundations: You don’t answer to me. You’re not a designation, you’re a person. You have a name now. You have to make your own choices.

“Why would Manticore try to get rid of us?” 

Alec answers:

Compare that to Dean as early as 1x3 Dead in the Water:

Dean doesn’t even talk the same way as Alec (except in the first few episode, while they were still getting used to their characters), and I don’t mean Jensen’s ever-more-gravelly voice, I mean the way he stubbornly pushes his jaw forward and talks out one side of his mouth or through his teeth. He has his mouth slightly open a lot. Sometimes he barely moves his mouth when he talks, speaking as if saying the words mostly to himself. Like 2x20 where Wishverse!Sam says “You slept with my prom date. On prom night.” Dean says, “Yeah that does kinda sound like me” while barely moving his mouth at all. Or in 4x01 where he holds up the empty liquor bottle and asks Bobby, “What, r’yer parents outta town or somethin?” That’s such a mushy line. He has a mush-mouth that’s only made mushier by hunter jargon and Dean’s... idiosyncratic way of speaking. If you weren’t in this fandom, would you know what I full-on Swayze’d that mother even meant? I always think of this (7x21):

(He can speak perfectly clearly when he wants to make a point, or when they’re pretending to be any kind of authority. I always think of the exchange in 5x14: My Bloody Valentine:

SAM: [mock sadness] That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

DEAN: [pokerface] Remarkably patronizing concern. Duly noted.

He can turn it off when he wants to. That Dean’s Master Adapter thing and it’s FUCKING HOT. Oh, I’m a production assistant now? Cool, aced it in a day. Oh, we’re in prison? This is fine, I’m gonna procure cigarettes. LARPing? Sign me the fuck up. Oh, we’re reporters? I can sound like a reporter. I’ve watched thousands of hours of television, I can mimic anyone. I can fake my way through almost anything. We’re in a different town two weeks from now, I can tell people whatever I want.

OH SHIT, DEAN TANGENT INSIDE OF A JENSEN RANGE TANGENT. Quick, make it look intentional!

Anyway, to me, Alec... Dean... not the same character. Going from one to the other was so jarring. For gifsets or edits where you want to show young Dean Winchester, it totally works for that. I mean, it’s Jensen’s face when he was that pre-Supernatural age... except that Jensen didn’t really look like Ridge Canipe or Dylan Everett when he was that age. (I love Dylan Everett. I don’t even care that his eyes are the wrong color.)

But something else Jensen does is put his own mark on roles that he’s given. Tom Hanniger wasn’t supposed to be as sympathetic as he turned out to be, and most people who watched it stated that they wanted someone else to be the bad guy (Axel was looking good for it) so that Tom would be okay. (Sorry if I just spoiled that for you.) Alec wasn’t supposed to be quite so likable, but that’s what Jensen brought to it. Even Kripke said early on that Dean was different on the page than when Jensen got ahold of him. He finds the heart of the character. Imagine if Dean Winchester had been the guy from the pilot this whole time, grossly leering at Jess to make Sam uncomfortable and defensive. 

Remember that Jess first says “Your brother Dean?” with a pleased smile on her face.

DEAN: [instantly leering] Oh, I love the Smurfs. [ogles cleavage] You know, I gotta tell you. [steps too close] You are completely out of my brother's league. [suggestive grin]

JESS: [smile fading, clearly uncomfortable] Just let me put something on.

[JESS turns to go. DEAN's voice stops her.]

DEAN: [isn’t discouraged by her discomfort] No, no, no, I wouldn't dream of it. [another leer] Seriously.

When I first watched that, I thought: “Pussyhound with control issues? That’s your brother’s girl, don’t be skeevy.”

But before long, you realize what it was: Contempt. He wasn’t interested in Jess. “I’m going to make you feel very unwelcome because who the hell invited YOU?” It’s very possessive.

Think about that first scene with Dean after “Easy, tiger!” and then Dean a mere 9 episodes later, in “Home”, trying to get through to John because he’s scared, his voice breaking, his eyes filling up. During that first scene, would you have predicted something like that? "My heart’s gonna break for this bossy bad boy creep.” In fact, by the third episode of the series, it has. Sam tries to make a note of it and gets shut down by Dean right away. "I’ll show you a little, but that’s all. Don’t test me.”

DEAN: You're scared. It's okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too.

Later:

DEAN: Oh God, we're not gonna have to hug or anything, are we?

It’s not until 2x20: What is and What Should Never Be where you see how Dean feels about Jess now that he understands how important she was to Sam: He hug-tackles her from out of frame, and if she never died... There were more layers of Dean revealed in that episode than Alec got his entire season. (Don’t even get me started on that episode, I’ll just start crying and I’m already so off course with this post.) 

Jensen took this role and made it as iconic as it is. He protects it.

I’m not saying another actor couldn’t have also “sold” that role and made it their own. What I am saying is, I don’t think that another actor would be playing the everloving fuck out of that role -- with all its twists and turns, advances and setbacks -- 14 years later with seemingly as much passion (if not more) than when they started.

But Jensen didn’t leave Dean in that swaggering, cocky, Han Solo place. He deepened the character, added layers, he shows us the cracks and the flaws. The show would NOT have lasted 14 seasons without these two actors. God, I only watch it to see what’s happening to them and see the ways they found to challenge themselves in otherwise unremarkable episodes. It’s like a troubled relationship where you’re like “No, I’m not watching it again ever” and then it texts you at 3am with “wyd” and suddenly you’re playing an episode and wondering about your life. 

I went into that long-ass, rambling, what-even-are-you-talking-about tangent to set you up for this:

Nihilism was NOT an unremarkable episode.

This is not like any other role that Jensen has played before.

There’s really no trace of Dean Winchester in Michael except the resemblance (and the daddy issues, I suppose). And even that’s played down with the neat hair, the suit, the artful "I know my best angles” way that he presents himself to people. There’s not even a trace of other characters that Jensen has played. It’s an entirely new role for him.

Michael carries himself elegantly. The perfect posture, the poise, the careful, graceful motions. Dean kind of slouches, looms, or does a parade rest sort of thing where he’s braced for whatever might happen. He’s got a big ambling swagger. He puts his feet up on tables or sits with his legs sprawled apart.

Michael eerily doesn’t blink as much as you would expect. As Dean, Jensen blinks a lot and closes his eyes, sometimes for a few seconds in the middle of a line, as if he’s processing his thoughts. I love it. It doesn’t start happening until S4 or so, where he wants to show the general weariness of the character. It happens the most when he’s angry or exasperated. But Michael is laser-focused.

Michael speaks very precisely and almost ceremoniously, like he’s selecting each word for the maximum impact. He has ALL the time in the world. Dean talks like... well, Dean. This is the big one for me. He just doesn’t SOUND like Dean, even though it’s the same damn voice. It’s in the cadence. He also holds his chin upright so his voice projects differently, and his jaw isn’t clenched like Dean’s usually is. His voice comes across as smooth and oozes condescension. 

Michael, in keeping with his wardrobe and (understandable) superiority complex is very fussy. While Sam, Cas, and Jack are talking, he’s speculatively opening and closing his hands in the background as if trying the cuffs, but he doesn’t even bother to struggle. While he’s talking to Cas during the big monologue, he absently picks a speck of something out from under a fingernail and neatly refolds his hands on his knee. He puts himself in those 3-piece suits. He has expanded to take up all of the possible Dean-ness and he’s very proud of his vessel. The human that used to be in control could not possibly matter less. As far as he’s concerned, Dean was his the moment he was even born.

Michael’s expressions are very different. Dean has a very expressive face. In one 5-second gif, you can identify a number of little micro-expressions he goes through. His face is almost never still unless something has gone very wrong. His eyebrows are all over the place. He’s squinty from having scowled for so long. He absently curls his lip when he talks. Because Michael doesn’t have all the trauma and worries that Dean has, he keeps his expression smooth. He looks completely dignified. Because he feels he has absolutely nothing to fear, his expressions are supercilious and disdainful.

Michael is very, very serene. He’s a BEING, and currently immortal. The things the “pig-filthy humans” are doing don’t really seem to concern him. “He's a gnat,” he says about Dean. He’s waiting them out because to him, they’re the blink of an eye. People keep trying to get a rise out of him, I think because he wears Dean’s face and they’re desperate to see a glimpse of him. Michael just doesn’t give a shit. Holy fire? Whatever. These cute handcuffs? That’s adorable. 

Look at the image below. There is no Dean at all, there is barely even a flicker of concern. His smile here is almost like, “You are naive and tedious. I’m just waiting for my army to get here. Might as well relax.”

I’m sorry, I’m just very, very excited and I’m so proud of Jensen. He was already brilliant, but this kicked it into a whole new level.

What killed me:

* Don’t interrupt me.

* Dean’s not home right now. Please leave a message.

* (”With these angel cuffs on, Michael’s under control.”) You keep telling yourself that.

* THAT CREEPY ASS SMILE after Sam says that the Impala’s trunk could hold Michael!Dean too. IT’S SO CREEPY WHAT IS IT

* I called them. [smiles, fake gasp of surprise] It’s a party.

* (”Sam, are we going to die here?”) ANOTHER CREEPY LITTLE SMILE like he could not be less intimidated if he tried.

* I can hear you. [they move about 5 steps further] Really?

* Remind me, Castiel, we’re west of Kansas City? (Dudes, he is an archangel, did you think walking into another room was going to keep him from hearing you?)

* Yeah, put a chair against the door. That’ll help.

* The last thing you’ll see is this pretty smile. AND HE DOES THE TONGUE THING THAT JENSEN DOES so in the small moment to me he was Evil!Jensen. I would read that fanfic. it made me SO uneasy.

* I’m in his head. LITERALLY.

* (”He’s lying.”) No, I’m not. And I can still hear you.

* God -- Chuck -- is a writer, and like all writers, He churns out draft after draft. (The way he sort of labors over every letter in the word “Chuck”, it’s so contemptuous, almost like he’s saying “Fuck”?)

* He never would’ve been so... anemic. [absently cleans a fingernail]

* [leans forward] Even God can die. Ugh, the chill that went down my spine.

* Cool science project. 

* When they put the electrodes(?) on him, he’s sort of glancing back and forth, HE’S SO AMUSED, he even laughs disparagingly. 

* Oh, Cas. I believe in you. LOL

* In there? You’re all mine. *audible swallow*

Ugh, if AU!Michael!Dean was a lotion, I would smear it all over my body.

Thank you for coming to my Jensen Talk.

[arctic-rising]

A Dark Descent, Chapter 2: A Day Out, Part 3

(( <<Previous | Navigation | Next>> )) ((Pinglist: @starry-ampelope  @jedicreed-fr @rockback-charger @blight-nymph @ashenbicornwhale)) ((Author’s Note: I really should have mentioned this earlier, but the Dark Descent series takes place a couple years before the events of Bounty of the Elements.))

       Between the earthen and shadowed flights, a fjord cuts through, clean and clear. It is flanked by ancient stone and tangled undergrowth; pine trees with thickets of brambles at their bases that glow when the moons reach their zenith and towering cliff faces. Despite this, the water is a sparkling blue- a perfect mirror of the mid-day sky for those who view it. Neither muddied silt nor blue algae lays claim to the border, leaving it as beautiful as the jewels hidden underneath the earth’s crust. Wisteria looks over the scene with a keen eye. It’s not often that she’s able to take the more scenic routes when traveling, so a part of her mourns that she’s far too curious about Kordanas to really enjoy it.

       “Kord, I’m sure you’re telling the truth, but I really don’t think regenerating into an entirely different dragon is just a weird thing you can do.”

“I am sorry, but I don’t know how else to put it.”

       Wisteria glances over at her companions. Athena has been keeping pace with Kordanas, occasionally righting herself to keep from crashing into him. The imperial -no, guardian, in question seems to be doing alright so far. He’s not lagging behind, so Wisteria is going to take that as a good sign.

       She’s not sure why they thought it would be a good idea to fly all the way home, but she’s not going to fight it. It’s a nice view, at least.

“Does anyone else know you can do this?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”

“I dunno, maybe some weirdo out there made you like this so you could serve them forever.”

“Athena, I really don’t think-”

“It’s a possibility! There’s some weird dragons out there! We’ve met weird dragons before!”

There’s a beat of silence before Kordanas speaks up again.

“Maybe you should stop having stare-downs with Scribbles whenever we visit Tomo.”

“He’s planning something, I know it.”

“He writes things down. How is that suspicious?”

“He writes weird things down. Why does he use invisible ink sometimes? Why is quartz cursed? He knows something we don’t, I can feel it!”

“We could say the same for any of the dragons at the trading post.”

“Uh, not really, no. It’s natural for dragons to have hoarding problems, and Pink’s just trying to keep Crim in check. Swipp has tons of connections- he’s probably in touch with some super fancy seamstress and a familiar breeder.”

“Baldwin literally changed himself from a pearlcatcher to a bogsneak. On accident, Athena. How do you breed change on accident?”

“Well you-”

       Wisteria allowed the next gust of wind to push her backward so she could glide next to Kordanas. “Sorry to interrupt. I think we are getting off track.” 

       Athena blinked and nodded. “Okay, right. So, this regenerating thing. Have you always been able to do it, or is this new?”

       “I have always been able to change when times are most dire. It, ah, it is an ability that was common in my birth clan.” Kordanas’ rumbling voice grew soft as he spoke. The wind almost drowned him out, snatching away his words. Wisteria drifted closer, her claws brushing an errant vine that curled around Kordanas’ wing. “My memory of my first home is fuzzy, but I remember our priestess telling us that our ability was a gift from the Gladekeeper. We thanked her for it every sunset by offering something in return at the old willow in the center of a forest.”

“Our ability? So there were others who had the same power?” Athena asked. 

       Kordanas nodded. “Yes, although I do not remember it being talked about outside of the offering ritual. My clan mates were very.... what’s the term? Hush-hush about it.”

       “What things did you offer to the Gladekeeper?” Wisteria had to push to keep pace with Kordanas. Despite having morphed into an entirely new dragon, he seemed to be doing just fine cruising over the rushing river. 

       “Homemade items, mostly. Figurines made from sticks and grass, flower wreaths, and carved logs were common. Occasionally someone would bring a precious stone or a clawful of coins, but...” Kordanas frowned, and narrowed his eyes in thought. Athena and Wisteria stayed quiet.

       “I think there was an element of shame for not being able to offer something made from nature. No one would say anything during the ritual, but there was silent scorn from the priestess.”

“I wonder why..” Athena mused. “Did your clanmates regenerate a lot?”

       “No, not that I can remember. There was one incident where a group went to investigate something along the border, and only one came back. But they were different; changed from a wildclaw into a pearlcatcher.”

“Did they act differently?” Wisteria asked.

“I do not think so. I did not interact with them much in the first place.”

“Do you know if other clans had this power?” Athena asked

       Kordanas shook his head, “No. We did not get many visitors. Not any that I can remember, at least.”

Athena frowned and Wisteria sighed.

       “That is a very odd power to have,” The little nocturne said. She let her gaze wander to the rushing waters below them, watching their faint shadows ripple over the waves. 

       “Yeah, Wisteria’s right,” Athena said, “I wanna know what your clan did to get that.”

“I am sorry that I cannot tell you more,” Kordanas said. 

       “It’s fine big guy. It’s just weird, ya know?” The tundra said, and gently bumped the edge of her wing with Kordana’s. The guardian smiled and nudged her back. “Every flight has their secrets. I wanna know more about this, but I’m too tired to head back into Nature.”

       “You have a good point, Athena. I too would like to return home as soon as possible,” Kordanas said. Wisteria nodded in agreement.

       The conversation died into companionable silence. Wisteria spent the majority of the time watching the glittering water as the sun rose and fell as the day dragged on. Eventually the trio came to rest along the steep shores of Dragonhome, setting up a small camp on a dusty ledge that jutted over the fjord. Athena and Kordanas focused on preparing the tent that they would sleep in for the night while Wisteria hunted for fresh food on the edge of the Tangled Wood. When the nocturne fluttered back, three walleyes, two ravens and a claw-full of tarantulas and snapdragons, the others had managed to get a fire going. Kordanas had curled around the flame while Athena was rummaging through her packs, triumphantly pulling out a package of dried stalks. 

“Athena. I already got food. We can save that for later,” Wisteria said as she ran her paw over a nearby stone and placed her findings on it.

       The tundra blinked, placed her ration back into her bag and went about helping Wisteria prepare a meal for the three of them out of her haul. Kordanas spent the majority of the evening sleeping, only waking to eat dinner and take first watch. The night went without a hitch, and Athena helped divide the left overs for breakfast.

       The rest of the travel went smoothly, the trio bouncing between Shadow and Earth for camp, and quickly heading off each morning. They were all eager for a break from flight as the mottled brown and red ground of the Scarred Wasteland came into view. The river became smaller as the edges of Earth and Shadow grew closer together, and finally the land of Plague forced the rapids to split into two, one branch leading out to the great unknown while the other fed into the Tidelord’s domain. Pale spires of wood and massive bone stretched towards the sky in the distance, and the sickly hued clouds drifting above became thicker as the group drew closer. The air grew sour with something foul, and Wisteria wrinkled her nose. She could easily imagine the grimace on Athena and Kordanas as they swooped closer to the ground. Green splotches glowed underneath mottled red land that curled like scar tissue, and if Wisteria looked hard enough, she was sure that she could make out the faint whites of bones peeking out of the twisted earth. 

“Hey! My wings are sore as hell, think we should take a pit stop?” Athena called out. 

“Soon as we find a hospitable town. I would rather continue on than get shot out of the sky or travel on foot with no directions,” Kordanas said.

“I agree,” Wisteria said. Athena nodded and the three pushed on.

       It wasn’t until dusk that they found a place that was willing to take them in. A small clan of snappers and a ridgeback that lived in burrowed tunnels granted them refuge in exchange for a portion of the tadpoles they had collected. In the morning they were able to get directions to the nearest town, and off they went.

       Time passed, and by midday the three managed to reach the front gates of Matiken; a spiraling town that lay over a hill, and was protected by a wall made of stone and curling rot, where sharpened bones jutted outwards to the unending expanse of the wandering contagion. Peaks of low buildings were just visible, while second and third story homes towered above the walls. Simple stone and wood buildings seemed to be common from what Wisteria could make out. The rough natural landscape transitioned to rugged cobble and worn paths as Athena, Wisteria, and Kordanas entered the plague town. Occasionally another dragon would pass them, but it seemed that most folks were tucked away in their dens for the time being. 

       The trio eventually reached what Wisteria could guess was the plaza of the clan. The stone path opened up in a diamond-shaped clearing, each side home to a different and equally important looking building. The tall structures loomed over the gnarled ground, casting shadows that merchants had set up shop in as they worked through the summer heat. 

       “Sooo. Who wants to haggle and who wants to look for a place to spend the night?” Athena asked. Her armor and fur had attained a layer of red dirt without her realizing, and it wafted away whenever her tail swiped across the path.

       “I can look for a room. You two are better at talking than me.” Wisteria said. Kordanas blinked and Athena pulled a face at her. The nocturne wasn’t sure what that was all about, but she wasn’t intent on finding out. “Besides. You two have the stuff.”

       “Yeah, alright. Don’t spend all our gold in one place,” Athena said. She began to walk into the plaza with Kordanas in tow. The guardian spared one last glance at Wisteria over his shoulder before turning back to the tundra. 

       It was easy enough for the little nocturne to find an affordable inn. She was excited to tell the others that she didn’t even have to trade one of their remaining tadpoles as she carefully went about settling in for the night. 

[texanredrose]

Everyone’s A Critic

Am I doing Freezerburn Week? Probably not, because I’m not feeling well, but this prompt I couldn’t resist. Soulmate AU based on this post.

Weiss’ brow furrowed as she quickly walked towards the exit, absolutely livid beyond measure. Thankfully, her companion for the showing happened to be just as vexed as her, though they’d made a promise not to voice any grievances until after they’d exited the theater. Hence her desire to be out of it sooner rather than later.

“I can’t believe-”

“Blake,” she said, tone sharp not because of her friend’s frustrations but because of their shared annoyance. “We have a deal.”

“That was before actually watching that trainwreck.” The Faunus’ ears laid back against her skull as she grimaced. “But the books were so good, we couldn’t have expected this disgusting catastrophe.”

However, for all Weiss’ desire to keep true to her word... oh did she have some rather pointed Opinions(tm) about this particular attempt to do justice to a well beloved series.

“It’s not just that.” They pushed out of the studio and into the florescent light of the theater’s hallways, following the throng of moviegoers who faced similar disappointment. “We can get to the myriad of ways they completely missed the point of the books later, because that in itself is a long enough list, but don’t you think we should start with how abysmal that was from the standpoint of just being a movie?” Frustration colored her tone as she quickened her pace, as if she could put physical distance between herself and the mere memory of that disgrace. “They cut so much material out, the plot is completely incomprehensible to one not familiar with the books, and even then is terribly disjointed in trying to be faithful to that. The pacing is god awful, likely because the directors merely googled which passages were most popular and poured all their effort into those scenes, which would make sense if they had all the other events leading up to them to build the tension and significance! As it stands, they’re just isolated moments when the story actually takes time to show itself, but all that is buried under layers of cinematic tomfoolery for the obvious intention of nabbing some manner of award and merely hoping every other scene can support themselves, which they can’t...”

Now that she’d gotten on a roll, the words didn’t stop, flowing from her mouth as she allowed every ill thought she’d kept locked behind her teeth go forth, with Blake nodding on occasion, knowing better than to try stymieing her diatribes once they got started. Thankfully, they usually agreed when it came to books and movies, seeking similar qualities, even if the Faunus tended towards media with a romantic streak. Once Weiss finished, it would be her turn to critique the awful, forced romantic subplot- a subplot, mind, that wasn’t resolved until the third book, and had no place being emphasized this much in the first movie- but that would be Blake’s terf.

“FUCKING HELL!”

Weiss came to a sudden stop, eyes widening as a voice she’d never heard before grabbed her attention with two little words. Ever since she learned to read, she’d become intimately familiar with those two words, seeing as they were tattooed across her left forearm in big, bold, yellow font. Her soulmate mark- and she’d especially attuned her hearing for those two words specifically, and this happened to be the first time she heard them in her life, which could only mean-

“You!” She whirled around, scanning until her gaze landed on the blonde marching towards her, and...

Okay, she’d fully intended to be more than a little cross with the foul mouthed heathen who’d permanently marked her with those very words. However, Weiss was also a mere mortal and currently being approached by a veritable goddess. Tall, with the early evening breeze sending wild blonde locks flying, lilac eyes that shone like gemstones, in a beat up leather jacket that ended at the elbows, showing off remarkably sculpted forearms that certainly looked like they’d give good hugs- crass her soulmate might be, true, but she also happened to be gorgeous, making Weiss a little more inclined to give the whole ‘soulmate mark’ concept more than her annoyance and contempt.

However, aside from being taken off guard by the woman’s looks, Weiss still had to bone to pick with her supposed soulmate, grabbing at her sleeve and pulling it back to show the mark that had essentially mandated she never wear anything other than long sleeves around polite company. “Do you have any idea what it’s like walking around with a mark like this?”

“Oh, you think that’s bad? Check this out.” Without wasting another second, the woman stopped in front of Weiss and reached up, grabbing the collar of her yellow shirt and ripping it.

Right.

Down.

The.

Middle.

And that brought to light three very important things.

One, her soulmate had decent tastes in undergarments. Two, she had the sort of abs that cosmically demanded to have something grinding against them. Three...

... the very, very long wall of neat white script curling across her chest and halfway down her abdomen, the words much smaller than what Weiss had on her arm to accommodate the sheer amount of space required, because apparently her soulmate had been within earshot since she’d started her tirade regarding the movie.

Blake elbowed her side under the guise of pulling out her scroll, stepping away to give Weiss a modicum of privacy with her soulmate- not that she needed the prompt, of course, she wasn’t uncivilized, but still- and pretended to be engrossed in checking her messages.

"You are really hard to stop when you get rollin’, anyone ever tell you that?” The blonde quirked a brow, completely nonplussed standing there with the tattered remnants of her shirt and jacket providing minimum modesty.

“It’s... been mentioned before,” she replied, scrounging for something to say. “So you’ve-”

“Had a novella tattooed across my chest my whole life? Now that you mention it, yeah, I have.” She set her hands on her hips. “And I’ve gone to every book adaptation movie released in the past ten years, thinkin’ I might meet you at one, and, I gotta tell ya- I liked most of them.” A shrug. “Yeah, sure, they aren’t masterpieces, but some of ‘em were quirky, or did one thing really well, or were just entertaining for their own sake, and I kept thinkin’ I was gonna run into you at one I liked and we’d get into this whole fight and, for all they say about soulmates being destined and all that, I have literally no desire to be shackled to someone who’s just gonna tear down the things I like, nuh uh, destiny can bite me, I don’t give a shit.” And even though they hardly knew each other- didn’t at all, really- Weiss found herself holding her breath and hoping her verbal evisceration hadn’t entirely ruined her chances of at least getting to know the woman. “But, the first time I saw this one, I knew- I thought to myself ‘oh, fuck me, this is it, this is the piece of shit my soulmate’s gonna go bonkers over, I’ve found it’, and so I- like an idiot- bought tickets to, and sat through, that piece of hot garbage forty-seven times, just to make sure I didn’t miss you.” Apparently out of steam, lilac eyes darted away for a moment as she reached up to run a hand through her hair, tongue darting out to wet her lips. “So, uh... I guess what I’m getting at is... hi, my name’s Yang, that movie was awful, so do you... want to talk about how bad it sucked some more? Maybe over dinner or a milkshake or...”

Weiss crossed her arms over her chest, head tilting in incredulity. “You saw this how many times?” Then she waved a hand. “No matter; clearly, you’re dedicated, you have good enough sense to recognize terrible when it presents itself to you, and you’re strong enough to endure torture for sustained periods of time.” 

Turning, she prepared to excuse herself from the rest of the evening but found her best friend to be... nowhere in sight, and her scroll buzzing in her purse likely provided the answer to the question of where she went.

If you don’t know how her abs feel by the end of the night, I am renouncing our friendship. Have fun. <3 -B

“Cheek little-” Rolling her eyes, she dropped the device back into her bag and offered a hand. “I’m Weiss. It’s nice to finally meet the foul mouthed heathen I’ve been looking for.”

Yang’s lips quirked up into a smirk. “Yeah, kinda glad I found the critic with a set of iron lungs, too.”

Slipping her arm into the crook of the blonde’s elbow, she turned them both towards the other side of the parking lot where a restaurant sat- not nearly as high class as she’d normally choose, but the proximity and ease with which they could reach it trumped her personal scale at present. That, and a table between them would help keep her from getting distracted. “How about I start making it up to you for suffering through all those showings?”

Much to her surprise, Yang fully meant it when she invited the woman to continue trashing the movie, and had a couple of thoughtful points of her own to address. For being just about the last thing she’d expected from her soulmate, Weiss had to admit... she actually rather liked it.

[kaleidographia]

[Review] Tales of Vesperia: The Brightest Star in the Night Sky Doesn't Shine as Strongly as I'd Hoped

Warning: Contains allusive/thematic spoilers.

The day is finally here! Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition, containing content previously unseen outside of Japan, has finally been released, so that us English speakers and/or non-PS3 owners can experience the new storylines, characters and features for the first time! Alas, this isn’t a post about that, firstly because this post is going up day-of-release and I haven’t had a chance to play it yet, and secondly because I am writing this from outside of the country and won’t be united with my pre-ordered copy until I return next week, RIP.

Therefore, this post is written from the point of view of someone who has only played the Xbox 360 version. I will try to keep it brief for the sake of not spoiling newcomers to the game, and also hopefully not to complain about things that are fixed (or broken??) in the Definitive Edition.

Tales of Vesperia is a game in the long-running “Tales of” franchise from Bandai Namco, the first one in HD, originally released for the Xbox 360 in 2008, later receiving an updated PS3 version in 2009, exclusive to Japan. Like many older fans, my introduction to the Tales of series was with Tales of Symphonia for the Gamecube, and I fell in love hard; I was therefore extremely excited to play the next games, but unfortunately, I never owned the platforms for them until very recently. Along with Tales of the Abyss, Vesperia and Symphonia form the “holy trinity” of games in the series almost everyone loves; find a Tales fan and ask them their favourite game, and the answer will likely be one of those three (note: I’ve heard very good things about Graces and the two Xillia games, but unfortunately haven’t had a chance to judge them firsthand myself). The three games, while not directly related in terms of plot or setting, share a lot of things in common, as they had mostly the same creative team, often referred to as “Team Symphonia” (as opposed to “Team Destiny” which made most other games since then). One notable difference is the scenario writer, Takashi Hasegawa, while Symphonia and Abyss were written by Takumi Miyajima.

The Tales series is known for its reliance on anime and JRPG tropes, often used in a way that plays off cliché expectations only to then layer plot twists and character development and produce a much deeper experience than what would be expected from the get-go. When used effectively, these methods produce a story that is both fun and emotionally challenging. Tales of Vesperia is no different, offering a cast of archetypes that should be highly recognizable to those familiar with the genre, and yet this may be best set of characters in a Tales game. The party has impressively good banter, chemistry and dynamics and several scenes had me laughing out loud or yelling, and I never had a bad time watching their relationships unfold.

Unfortunately, the game spares little time fleshing out backstories or learning more about each individual character outside of the main plot. By the end, I was left wanting, as the cast was so endearing and vibrant, yet I knew next to nothing about them aside from what had been relevant to show onscreen. I longed for more information about where they had come from and how they had gotten where they were, but it is a testament to the strength of the character writing that their storylines reached a satisfying conclusion despite this relative sparse amount of information about them. “Backstory is not story”, Craig McCracken and Frank Angones were fond of saying to fans of Wander Over Yonder, but for a game with the size and scope of a 60-hour JRPG, not providing that window of information feels like a hole in the worldbuilding.

Mechanically, Vesperia builds on the model established by Symphonia and refined in Abyss, where combat takes place in a 3D arena and the player can run around, hit enemies and rack up combos fighting game style (the franchise calls this “Linear Motion Battle System”). While Symphonia was in 3D, it restricted the player to a single side-to-side corridor of action. Abyss added the ability to run around in 3D space by holding down a button, a feature Vesperia also has. This makes combat easier and more fun, as nothing is quite as satisfying as avoiding an attack and then running around and hitting the enemy from behind. And, as the game allows up to four players controlling different party members, and I have a player 2 (shoutout to my roommate Opal), Vesperia’s system is the most well-suited to multiplayer. If nothing else, I never felt lost while on the battlefield yelling for backup. The one major flaw is that boss fights come with massive difficulty spikes and I often had to grind and formulate careful battle plans with Opal just to not get continuously massacred by bosses.

Storywise, Vesperia starts off very strongly, sort of peters out near the middle, and then the third act falls apart. At first the theme is anti-authority, with a protagonist who grew up in the slums, neglected by nobles, who became a knight and then quit out of disillusionment when it turned out all they did was squabble about politics, and the inciting incident and early driver of the plot is his quest to “fix the plumbing” as a popular Tumblr text post put it. It’s clear Yuri has all the reason in the world to not trust authority and he even goes full vigilante against unjust abuse of power, but while this thread seems like the most important theme in the story, after a while so many other elements come into play it ends up lost and doesn’t really make much of an appearance except to highlight the differences between Yuri and Flynn’s approaches to life and how they prefer to help people. On its own it’s a compelling idea, but it never gets the follow-through it deserves, and my expectations were certainly subverted—but in a bad way.

It’s hard to talk about the third act without spoilers so I will probably come back to it for a proper analysis at a later date, but its ultimate message was already kind of limp in 2008 and is even more laughable now. For a game whose initial premise was so strongly against authority, the ultimate resolution of the main conflict reads as incredibly daft in light of just about everything that is happening in politics at the moment. There’s a very strong environmental allegory and the comparisons to climate change are not subtle, but the writers probably bit off more than they could chew because realistically trying to solve this problem in the time the story allotted would have been next to impossible; I still would have hoped the implications of the given solution had been actually explored instead of settling for an “oh well, guess everything’s been fixed now”.

I’m being harsh about the plot because to me Vesperia has a lot of wasted potential. Don’t get me wrong: I do love this game. It is in fact up there with the holy trinity as far as my opinions of the series go, but it lands in third place out of the three because it just fails to live up to what its first half promises about the world it created. To put it bluntly, if the story had just ended at the conclusion of the second act, it would have been much stronger. That the game continues for another 20 hours on a completely different track with an unsatisfying, unrealistic conclusion is a huge shame because it brings down what could have been a real masterpiece of tropey anime JRPG narratives. I live for that stuff, there’s a reason I want to play every Tales game, but that’s what makes this letdown the most disappointing. At least the characters themselves get good conclusions; it is unfortunate I can’t say the same for the main plot.

Despite all this I think Vesperia is a worthwhile experience, and one of my favourite things about is its aesthetic sense. Every location is immersive, polished, and the pinnacle of what I want to see in a videogame, to the point I dream of Symphonia and Abyss remakes made in the same style (and every other game in the series, to be honest, but that seems unlikely with the direction it’s taken since then). I genuinely cared about the party and I wanted to see them succeed and I was ultimately happy that they did even if I did roll my eyes a lot. The combat was so satisfying and so fun to play with a player 2 it makes me twice as mad that Zestiria’s camera goes completely wild during multiplayer and prevents me from joining in. I should note that for someone who plays as many games as I do I am notoriously terrible at them so I heavily favour story over mechanics, but Vesperia is a game that reminds me that engaging gameplay can make a huge difference. Yeah, I suck, but at least I’m having fun while sucking. That’s more than I can say for a lot of games.

If you like JRPGs, games that let you run around and hit things, or fun and intriguing character dynamics, you’ll probably like Tales of Vesperia. If you’re looking for a coherent story from start to finish, you’ll probably disappointed, but there’s just enough there to keep you engrossed until the end. Overall, Vesperia is solid, and the parts it fumbles aren’t bad enough to ruin the whole thing, but hopefully the extra content in Definitive Edition helps to smooth it out; I’ll have to find that out for myself.

Aside from how it messes up the voice acting this time around. Oh, Bamco.

[faithfulcat111]

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged, Part 9

Part 9 - A Floridian Analysis

Warnings: Bad Freud analysis because Freud sucks, audience participation, more sexual jokes

Taglist: @thecrimsoncodex @themysteriousinternetentity @triceratop-hat @grumpymoonbird @phlying-squirrel (Let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

“Wait,” Logan called out after them, “we can’t skip ‘to be or not to be,’ it’s the most famous speech in all of Shakespeare.”

“Sure we can,” Virgil said as he finally stepped on stage.

“What, why?” Logan asked, offended.

“Think about it,” Virgil poked Logan’s head. “Hamlet is supposed to be killing his uncle and suddenly he’s talking about killing himself. Where did that come from? It completely weakens his character.”

“Virgil, you don’t understand. The speech makes his character more complex. The layers give it meaning!” Logan tried to explain.

“The layers make it sucky!” Virgil snapped back. “All those long speeches with big words nobody understands! Like what about that one,” he starts to monotone, giving no life to the speech, “‘I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercise. And indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. This most excellent canopy, the air, look at you. This brave o’erhanging firmament, the majestic roof fretted with golden fire, why it appears to me no more than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is man. How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. In apprehension, how like a god. The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me.’” Virgil stopped and looked down at Logan who had sat before him, entranced, and says with delight, “Hey, that didn’t completely suck!”

Roman bursts out from behind the curtains to do a roll onto the stage, and stopped in front of Virgil, both hands clutching his leg, and whispers, “That was beautiful, man!”

“See you two?” Logan stood up and pulled Roman off a slightly disgusted Virgil. He placed his arms around both of them, “That speech is emotional and intellectual. The two can live side by side.”

“Like you and Patton?” Virgil asked.

“Um, I guess,” Logan answered.

“So when I play Ophelia, I could add some layers?” Patton asked where he was stepping onto the stage.

“That would be appreciated,” Logan dropped his arms from the other two to step closer to Patton. “She’s not all screams and vomit, you know. There’s something going on inside her pretty little wig.”

“It’s a sore subject,” Patton muttered.

“But,” Virgil stepped up next to Patton, “Ophelia is complicated. I bet in the ‘Get thee to a nunnery’ scene, she’s probably thinking stuff and feeling stuff at the same time!”

“Actually, we should do that scene really quick,” Roman spoke up, having finally recovered.

“But we were just talking about layers! If Ophelia is that complex, we need to peel open her brain like an onion!” Patton mimed opening an onion as Virgil took a step back in disgust.

“Ew!” Roman whined.

“No, no, that’s great! Patton, you’re actually having a rare moment of lucidity. We could explicate Ophelia’s id, ego, and superego. Do a sort of Freudian analysis,” Logan said, excitedly.

“Yes, a Floridian analysis!” Logan looked like he wanted to say something about Patton’s mispronunciation, but thought better of it. “We can divide Ophelia’s brain into three different parts. Okay, I’m Ophelia, but one of you needs to play the Id. Virgil?”

“Um, no, I am flattered you thought of me, but I got a new dog that I need to walk. And I have a paper I need to finish writing. And I broke my leg,” Virgil just collapses to the ground.

“Oh, well, Virgil is obviously incapable. Logan?” Patton turned to him.

“I’m so sorry, but somebody needs to keep this on track or we’ll never get through it,” Logan simply stated.

When Patton pointed at Roman, Roman just said, “Hello? I’m Hamlet.”

Patton huffed, “Fine. I’ll go get one of my better friends to do it.” Patton stomped off stage and grabbed an audience member and pulled him onto the stage.

“Patton!” Virgil tried to protest. “You can’t just bring some bozo onstage to play Ophelia’s brain!”

“He’s not a bozo, he’s one of my very best friends!” Patton defended the man before turning and asking in a hushed voice, “Okay, what’s your name?”

“Thomas,” the man replied. “Your brother.”

“Well, do you mind if we call you ’Bob?’ It’s a little easier to remember,” Patton asks.

“Fine,” Thomas said, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, Bob, this is a very important scene,” Patton started to explain, leading Thomas over to the black wooden box that Roman had brought on stage. “What’s happening is… um… Logan, would you like to tell Bob what is happening?”

“Sure,” Logan stepped forward to provide exposition. “Bob, it’s very simple. Hamlet is playing out sublimated childhood neuroses, displacing repressed Oedipal desires into sexualized anger towards Ophelia-”

“Hamlet is being a prick,” Roman cuts him off with a dramatic handwave.

“Exactly,” Logan continues, undeterred. “Now, the id represents the raw, animal power of the individual, which Patton has effectively encapsulated in Ophelia’s trademark scream.” Patton lets out an Ophelia-style shriek. “Thank you, Patton,” Logan says, unfazed unlike the other three people on stage.

“This is clearly going over his head!” Virgil protested again.

“Just give him a chance!” Patton said, covering Thomas’s ears for a minute before continuing to explain it. “So Hamlet gets all worked up and tells Ophelia to get out of his life. He says, ‘Get thee to a nunnery.’ And in response, Ophelia’s Id screams. Let’s give it a try.”

“I’ll give you your cue. Just let me step into character.” Roman takes a deep breath before saying in a deep voice, “Get thee to a nunnery!”

Thomas pauses for a second before screaming, although nowhere near as strong as Patton’s scream.

“Did you hear that, Virgil? I thought that was really good,” Patton called out to Virgil who was still sulking on the other side of the stage.

“Yeah, it was okay,” Logan shrugged.

“No, it sucked!” Virgil argued.

“Virgil!” Roman gasped, putting one arm around Thomas. “Give him a break! I mean, okay, he’s not an actor, frankly, it shows.” Thomas gave an offended huff. “But I think he showed a lot of heart. A lot of courage. A lot of, as Shakespeare would say, chutzpah!”

“And to get a better scream going, we need to get everybody involved!” Patton jumped with excitement. “You know, create a supportive environment for Bob here!”

“We could divide the rest of the audience up into Ophelia’s Ego and Superego,” Logan suggested.

“Fine, let’s just get on with it,” Virgil moaned, but hauled himself to his feet. “I’ll get the ego. Bob, house lights!” Virgil stepped off the stage and hauled another audience member to her feet. “Now you’re playing the part of Ophelia’s Ego. At this point in the play, her ego is flighty. It’s confused-”

“It’s an ego on the run!” Patton jumped in.

“So why don’t we symbolize this, Bob, by- oh, do you mind if we call you ‘Bob?’ We’re going to do it anyway because those two can’t remember names worth anything- we’ll symbolize this by having you run back and forth by the stage in front of Ophelia,” Virgil gave one quick run as an example for the audience member. “Will you give it a try? Just go!”

“Go go go!” Roman and Patton joined in cheering as the audience member ran back and forth.

Virgil stopped her after a couple of laps, “Just like that.”

“Wow, what an egomaniac!” Patton laughed. When no one else laughed, he turned to one of the four sides of the audience, “Okay, you guys are going to be Ophelia’s Unconscience.”

“Unconscious,” Logan quickly corrected.

“Really? Oh, now the Unconscious is like the watery depths of Ophelia’s soul, right, Logan?” When Logan gave a reluctant nod, Patton dived back into the explanation, “And she’s tossed about by the tides and the currents of her emotions. So all of you, hands in the air, wave them back and forth, and say ‘Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not.’” Patton did it along with the audience, using his Ophelia voice to join in the audience. After a couple rounds, he indicated for them to stop, saying, “That was good.”

“Wait, but you,” Roman stepped forward, pointing at one audience member near the back that wasn’t really participating. “What was your problem? You were not participating with the rest of the group. You know what that means, don’t you? You’re going to have to do it-”

“All. By. Your. Self!” both Patton and Roman shouted.

“Hands up!” Patton lifted his hands with the called-out audience member. “Don’t worry, nobody’s looking.”

“He’s lying, everybody’s looking,” Virgil called out as he finally stepped back on the stage.

‘Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not,” Patton did the chant again with the audience member before lowering his arms with a large smile. “I feel a lot of love in this room!”

“I feel a lot of something,” Logan muttered before jumping back in explanation. “Now why don’t we get everybody else to be Ophelia’s Superego. The superego is that jumble of voices inside your head that dominate your moral and ethical behaviour. It’s very powerful, very difficult to shake. And quite frankly, some people never will.”

“Sort of like Catholicism!” Roman said.

Logan just looked at him for a moment before Patton jumped in. “Okay, let’s divide the Superego into three parts. Everybody in this section,” he indicated the second of the four sides of the audience, “you will be Section ‘A.’ Everybody in this section,” he indicated the third of the four sections, “you will be Section ‘B.’ And this last group,” he indicated the fourth of the four sections, “you will be Section ‘C.’” Patton turned and ran back to Section A, “Now Section A, you are the masculine part of Ophelia’s brain, the voice of all the men in her life that have been holding her back. We’ll use Hamlet’s line for this. I’d like you to say, ‘Get thee to a nunnery!’ Can you try it?”

“Get thee to a nunnery!” Section A shouted.

“Section A, that was awful,” Virgil said, appalled.

“C’mon people, work with us on this,” Roman stepped up. “We want it very loud and very strident. Section A?”

“Get thee to a nunnery!” Section A shouted with more enthusiasm.

“Well, much less totally pathetic,” Virgil said with fake cheerfulness.

“Okay, Section B,” Roman turned to the next section. “Let’s make you the voice of Ophelia’s ‘inner ho.’”

“Freud would call it the ‘libido,’” Logan stepped forward to explain.

“Libido, ho, whatever,” Roman waved him off. “You’re the part of Ophelia that wants to bang Hamlet! So, um…”

Roman looked over to Logan for help. Logan sighed and suggested, “Why don’t we use a line that’s straight out of the Shakespearean text, ‘Paint an inch thick!’”

“Perfect! Let’s try it!” Patton jumped in and said with the audience, “Paint an inch thick!”

“Section A, you could learn something from Section B,” Virgil said as he followed Patton to the last audience section.

“Section C, you’re the most important of them all! You are going to make Ophelia important to the twenty-first century,” Patton said.

“Interesting,” Logan said. “So maybe she wants power, but she doesn’t want to lose her femininity.”

“Yes!” Patton shouted. “She wants to be a corporate executive, but also raise a family.”

“Yes!” Roman joined in, his excitement levels reaching Patton’s. “She’s tired of being pushed around and just says, ‘Look, cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!’”

The other three stared at him for a moment before Virgil spoke up, “That was super passionate Romano. Why don’t we just have them say that?”

“Okay!” Roman turned to the section. “Section C, ‘Cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking, and I want babies now!’”

“I don’t know about you, but I thought that was a fantastic C-section,” Patton laughed as he elbowed Virgil. “So now, Bob,” Patton turned back to Thomas. “We’re going to get all this Floridian stuff going at once: the ego, the superego…”

“The unconscious…” Logan contributed.

“The biological clock is ticking…” Virgil muttered.

“Now your job as an actor is to take all of these voices and blend them deep within your soul,” Roman crouched down next to Thomas to demonstrate with his hands. “We’re going to whip the whole audience into a mighty frenzy and then stop everything all at once. All attention goes to you, and at that moment of truth you let out a scream that epitomizes Ophelia’s Id.”

“Oh, he is so excited!” Patton squealed.

“Okay, everyone take a deep breath and let it out,” Virgil said to the whole audience.

“And remember,” Roman cut in, “no matter what happens…”

“Act natural,” all four said.

“Okay, Bob go!” Virgil shouted at the ego to start running.

“Unconscious arms up!” Logan raised his arms with them. “Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not.”

“Section A!” Roman shouted. “Get thee to a nunnery!”

“Section B!” Patton shouted. “Paint an inch thick!” “Section C! Cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!” Roman shouted.

Both Roman and Patton ran back and forth between the three sections, encouraging them to keep shouting. Logan continued to work with the ‘Unconscious,’ while Virgil shouted at the Ego to run faster and faster and faster. After about 30 seconds of absolute chaos, suddenly Patton stopped in the middle of the stage next to Thomas and cried out over the mayhem, “STOOOOOOOOP!” All four turned towards Thomas, a single spotlight hitting him as the theatre goes dead quiet except for the loudest, longest screech that Thomas produced filling the air.

When the scream died down, the audience burst into applause as Roman shouted, “Alright everyone! Let’s hear it for Bob and Bob!”

Roman, Virgil, and Patton quickly exited as Logan stays to say, “Well, that was certainly something. But we digress. Back to Hamlet, Act Three, Scene Two, the pivotal ‘play-within-a-play scene,’ in which Hamlet discovers conclusive evidence that his uncle murdered his father.”

[moonfox281]

Wow your story of the lotus of the night is amazing would you be willing to make a part 2?

Never thought of it before, but I never say no to any of your requests, so yeah. P/s: this is longer than I expected, had fun writing it too but still, super long for a prompt. 

I’m in trouble, Officer.

(Word count: 9,151) 

Link to AO3 for anyone who can’t read it on Tumblr: Cupcake

It was Sunday morning, long, cold winds and empty avenues. It was October, but Gotham did have her way with the weather, flipping the hands and bringing winter to her town sooner than usual. Today was his day off, a perfect occasion to snuggle deep down in the layers of heavy blankets and sleep till noon, or simply do an old time movie marathon that his shifts had taken his time from watching. But, of course, it was also a perfect time for Bruce to find and call him back to Gotham.

Wayne Manor still looked the same. Ancient, big, exorbitant, and cold. Cold even with all the memories of running down the endless halls, of swinging between chandeliers and sliding down the long handle of stairs. Dick still faintly remembered waking up at night, tugging the blanket onto his shoulder and walking through the number of old painting to get to Bruce’s chamber, to slide down against his door and just sleep like that. Born in a circus, to live in a huge mansion with just two people, it was fated that soon Dick would find his wings and fly away.

And he did.

“Ah, Master Dick. It’s been such a long time.” Alfred greeted him, still looking the same, but undeniably older. 7 years had worn him out, if not caused by Bruce’s stubbornness.

“It has.” Dick replied and watched the old man standing there eyeing him like he wanted to say something more. His wrinkled eyes flickered up and down his face, hunting for every change since their last encounter. Very much had changed indeed, for the 17 year old Dick Grayson must not look anything like him right now.

“You may find Master Bruce at the garden.” Alfred said, eventually, though his eyes were speaking louder than the voice that met Dick.

“Thank you, Alfie.”

It was awkward, and not how Dick imagined it would be. But 7 years was a long time, and to be honest, Dick didn’t plan to ever come back here again. Seeing Alfred brought back memories, good ones with cookies, delicious food, warm hugs and small talks in the kitchen. Alfred had made the Manor home when it felt nothing like it.

Dick wondered why he hadn’t come to visit sooner, but again, he remembered why.

Bruce looked exactly the same as the day Dick left him. Handsome face and cleanly shaven, fancy suit and Italian shoes. He looked like a billionaire from afar. Maybe they should make a movie or TV series about him just like this, sipping Earl Grey at the well set tea table while looking at the blue sky of his enormous garden.

“Dick.” He set his cup down, stood up, and straightened his suit, a small smile made it to his lips that made Dick sick. Bruce never smiled, not since Dick knew him.

“What do you want?” Dick asked and didn’t react when he saw Bruce pull out a chair for him.

Bruce’s smile slipped off his lips, his face hardened like someone had pulled the wrong string of it. Someone that was Dick.

“Can’t I just want to see you?”

“Don’t play around, Bruce. I know you, after all this time, you only call when you want something.” Like the first night after Dick had stormed out of this place, leaving for good and leaving everything behind, Bruce had called, and the phone had rung up all night, and the next morning.

For a big and important man, Bruce lived like a child, hurting and ignoring people and only wanting them back when he lost them.

Bruce stayed silent and just looked straight at him, face cold and emotionless. The same face Dick had learned to love, but also forced himself to hate.

“What do you want, Bruce.” He repeated. “I don’t have all day.”

Lie. He had all day, but he wanted Bruce to think he was a busy man, one that barely had time for his bullshit, not one that despite everything still came running all the way back from Bludhaven after just one short phone call.

Something shifted on the older man’s face, like another layer of cold, hard makeup to shield away his emotions that Dick could hardly ever see. But something had definitely changed in the way he looked at Dick, or the way his fingers lightly tapped a calming rhythm on the glass surface of the table. He took his time, long enough for Dick to start shifting his pose.

“The Red Hood case,” He started, and Dick couldn’t hold back a mocking huff from escaping his throat. Bruce waited for a few seconds before continuing. “He was originally from Gotham, but decided to make a move to Bludhaven. The GCPD don’t have access to any file related to him. Gordon said he has already bought half of the department. It was already hard enough to keep an eye on him when he was in range,”

“And now that he’s in the Blud, things got out of his hands.”

Bruce nodded and handed him a paper envelope. It was surprisingly thin for an A-class criminal case.

“There isn’t much. The Red Hood is good at what he does. He built up a kingdom of his own from the Black Mask scraps. But Bludhaven is new grounds, connections needs to be made, words will be slipped around and that is what I hope we’ll start at.”  

“I.” Dick corrected.

“I’m sorry?”

“That is what I’ll start at. This case belongs to the BPD now, and most of the guys there have already started working for the Red Hood. That’s why you contacted me, because you know I’m clean, I’m trustworthy, and I’m on my own.”

“You’re not on your own−”

“Right, Gordon may be able to pick something up for me. But I doubt he’s gonna be much help, this helmet guy has been running around Gotham for almost 2 years and no one can do anything about it.”

“We’re doing our best.”

“We? I see you still go around with him.” Gordon was a good man, a really good man, one that made Dick doubt why he could be around Bruce for this long.

“I owe that man everything. And Gotham is my city too.”

“A city where you pay too much attention to the profit and not enough to the low life streets. If you had, you would have recognized that crime levels have gone down a significant amount since Red Hood took control of the underworld.”

Bruce’s face didn’t move an inch but his shoulders tightened like an invisible weight had been set on them.

“Are you taking his side?”

Dick huffed.

“I’m a police officer, Bruce. And apparently, one of the only clean ones left. I’m not taking anyone’s side aside from justice. I’m just stating facts.”

“He’s a dangerous man.”

“And wouldn’t I know that.”

A dangerous man that 2 weeks ago had kissed Dick out of the blue and drugged him right off. A dangerous man that looked so young, like he might be around Dick’s age. Yet, he carried guns and weapons around like they were just some plastic toys, lead a whole gang of criminals dealing drugs and selling illegal weapons like it was just some poker game.

This world just kept getting weirder and weirder every day.  

He turned and was about to leave when Bruce called, voice yearning and maybe desperate too if Dick could let himself be a little paranoid.

“You can stay for lunch.”

And Dick knew this was his attempt at a peace offering, a detente for the cold war that had been set between them for 7 long years. Dick knew today’s meeting was just an excuse so he could agree to see Bruce’s face. Bruce was doing Gordon a favor and all of this would have been simpler if he had given the commissioner his number. But no, Bruce had chosen a face-to-face meeting.

It was soothing, knowing he tried. Still, 7 years was just enough for wounds to heal, not for scars to fade.

“I can. But I won’t.”

And he left, just like that, despite wanting to stay so badly. Because if for once Bruce could feel the torment of this, then the pain would be worth it.

 When he came home, the first thing he did after kicking off his shoes was dig through the kitchen cupboard for something dry to eat. The drive wore him out, but seeing Bruce drenched him the most. He shouldn’t have gone there, but again, the envelope that was resting on his countertop now could be worth a year of investigating.

He pulled out the chair and started pouring milk into the bowl for the box of Cocoa Pebbles because it was the fastest thing he could grab that wasn’t spices. He pulled the string and opened the envelope, dumping all the papers down on the island’s wooden surface. Pictures, files and a flash drive fell out, about a third of them were blacked out. Name unknown, age unknown, nationality unknown, no profile picture, height somewhere above average, alias Red Hood, wanted for loan sharking, gambling, drug trafficking, producing illegal weapons, committing arson, bribing legal forces, terrorism, assault with a deadly weapon, etcetera, etcetera. The list just went on and on and by the end of it, he was 110% sure that Red Hood had made it onto the FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, and Interpol blacklist. It was shown that Red Hood was actually the cause of Gotham’s Kingpin Black Mask’s criminal confession, and the death of 12 other crime bosses. The file also included that a duffle bag full of heads of these crime lords had been sent to the GCPD’s doorstep 2 days before Black Mask’s headquarters had been blown up. The killing of the infamous psychopath Joker seemed more or less a part of Red Hood’s plan too when the ambulance that was carrying him had been bombed in the same month.

The pictures that were included in the envelope were of left-over scenes and few of the Red Hood’s gang tattoo. Dick went into his bedroom with the spoon still in his mouth to take his laptop out and back to the kitchen island, plugging the flash drive in. It didn’t take long for the items to transfer, when he opened the disk, various clips appeared. He skimmed through all of it, most were from police body cameras, the rest where scraps from the news and surveillance tapes that were retrieved as evidence.  

Bruce was right, there wasn’t much, and all of this didn’t give any help to him at all. Dick himself might even get a better chance with the blood sample and prints he got from his last encounter with the Red Hood. He had run tests at the state’s lab, nothing came up, he had even given Diana some samples to give it a run in the AFIS database. Still, nothing came up, it was like the man didn’t exist at all.    

A thudding sound got Dick to stop his chewing and look behind his back. His eyes skimmed through the place and nothing seemed to be out of place or unusual, but something had his guts twisted, or maybe he was just too tired from driving around today. Maybe it was his neighbor’s cat again, the fluff ball kept inviting himself into his apartment when he felt like it, wandering around his feet till he surrendered and picked it up even in his busiest moments. Looking back at the clock, it was 6:30 already, the sun had gone down and the lights had turned up when he was still busy digging his nose through the files. Time flew when you needed it the most.

Dick got up to stretch his back and suddenly yearned for a shower. He went to turn on the heater, grabbed a hoodie and sweats then went right into the shower room. He thought about Bruce when the water hit him, thought about the way he had looked at him when Dick declined his lunch invitation, thought about the alternative scene where he had said yes and stayed. He remembered Alfred too, the look on his old face when he bid his goodbye and the way he kept staring at him when Dick walked to his Prius on the front yard. He hated that he had broken the butler’s heart, hated that by punishing Bruce, he had also pulled the old man into this torturous game of theirs.

His head ached for relief, for a short break that it hadn’t gotten for what felt like forever. This case was draining him, but again, every case that fell into his hands caused the same affect. Dick couldn’t bring himself to remember the last time Amy walked to his desk and didn’t complain about his health issues. His chest ached every time he blacked out at the desk and woke up with a cooling coffee cup next to his head. Maybe some of the guys in the department felt pity for him, for trying to change the way this world turned, for playing the hero when it was way out of his league.

Maybe he was indeed stupid, for running after a criminal case that even the Feds couldn’t handle.

He toweled his hair and walked back to the living room, head somehow both lighter and more crowded, like it was filled with kapok tucked tight in a fat pillow. Dick didn’t see him then, only after he called out.

“For a cop, your security is crap.” Red Hood was sitting right there at his kitchen counter, hand holding the Cocoa Pebbles box, setting it down as if he had taken a look at it just a few seconds ago.

“Don’t tell me that’s your dinner.”

Dick was still staring at him, heart stopping and mouth gaping. He must have looked like a dead fish, but in his defense, this dead fish was taken by surprise.

“I− it’s my lunch, actually.” He mumbled, still too blown out to actually phrase the sentence properly.

Red Hood huffed and when he stood up, Dick instantly took a step back, hand reaching for the back of his hip out of instinct, just to realize that no, normal people don’t carry gun when they’re fresh out of the shower, even cops. The next steps the guy took, Dick founded himself stumbling back against the wall, too defenseless to actually do something besides thinking of the quickest way to run. The moment there were only a few inches between them, Dick actually thought he was gonna die.

Red Hood still looked as big as he always did, hard muscle coiled up like a bull underneath the heavy armor, pouches stuck out like they might carry grenades in them… wait, maybe they did. Those cold digital eyes of his helmet felt like they could shoot Dick’s soul dead. He towered over him, like a giant bull shark smiling in front of a baby seal, making Dick’s breathing hitch to the point of nothingness.

When his gloved hand went up, Dick squeezed his eyes shut and started counting down the seconds he had left before he said goodbye to the 24 years he had lived in this life. He thought of the way he was going to be killed, either by that military knife the Red Hood tucked in one of his chest pouches, or one of the AKs he carried behind his back, or would he cut off his head like he had done with the crime bosses in Gotham?

No matter the weapon, Dick was 100% sure he was gonna die right here, right now when something solid touched his cheek. It was warmer than he thought for a gun barrel, a bit leathery if his mind still worked properly.

A moment passed and the touch spread to his temple, rubbing soothing circles with what Dick would bet with the dangling life of his was a thumb. A click sound came up, closer than he expected and rang right up to his ears. Dick slowly opened his eyes, and there it was the handsome face he would die before he forgot, up so close they might be inhaling each other’s breaths right now.

“You look good like this, Officer.” He said, voice rumbling so low and close it raised the hair at the back of Dick’s neck.  

When he pulled away and walked back to the kitchen island, Dick felt the sudden cold reach his whole body. He hadn’t realized the warmth of Red Hood’s body till he lost it, hadn’t really believed it had actually been Red Hood’s hand touching him gently till he saw it pull away.

“I see you’re doing your homework.” He flipped through the files Dick had laid out and played a few seconds of the video on his laptop. “I’m flattered.”

Red Hood gave a devil-may-care smirk. Dick’s mouth was still lightly gaping and lungs tight with the breaths he took. He couldn’t remember how long he had held his breath before Red Hood had pulled away, but his chest hurt with the deep inhales he took. Aside from that, he was quite shocked that Red Hoof would do all the talking.

No. Talk about shocked, between the infamous A-class international criminal Red Hood showing up at his place, said criminal showing him his bare face, said criminal not killing him in the first instant, and not killing him after he found out Officer Grayson was investigating him, he had no idea which one sounded less mental than the others.

If he survived tonight, Dick thought he might need to give himself a heart check, or get himself on a lifetime supply of Aspirin.

Damn it, he was an officer. The case he had been working on for months was standing there right in his apartment in front of his face. Think, Grayson!

“Why are you here?” Dick came closer and gripped his hand on the corner of the marble countertop.

“Can’t I just want to see your pretty face?”

Ha, it had been the second time he heard that line in the same day. Well, Bruce hadn’t put it like that, but still, same same to him.

“And what makes you think I won’t arrest you right now?” Keep talking, Grayson. He needed to keep Red Hood’s mind occupied, needed to distract him, needed to−

His hand fumbled on the empty holder tucked hidden underneath the marble countertop’s surface. His breath hitched again and when he looked up, Red Hood looked straight at him, spinning Dick’s Glock like a child toy on one hand, grinning like a damn shark.

“Too slow.”

This time, this time Dick thought he was actually gonna die.

He watched the smirk slowly turned into a nonthreatening half smile. Red Hood huffed and closed the open files before he slid off the chair, tucking Dick’s Glock into the back of his waistband like it was his own weapon now.

It was his weapon now.

“I’m not your enemy, Officer. Not tonight.”

“And you expect me to believe that?” Dick glared, watching the only thing he could use to defense himself now fall into a criminal’s hand.

Red Hood didn’t answer to that, his hand went up to motion him to stay quiet. Dick didn’t understand anything when the man turned his head aside like he was trying to pick up a sound in the silent night. Then suddenly, he picked his hood up and put it back on, finger tapping on something that turned the LED of his eyes on. He stayed like that for a couple of minutes, continuing to listen. That was when everything came up to Dick’s mind.

They were being watched.

 “Get into the bedroom.”

Dick almost flinched when he heard the robotic voice, but he nodded and followed the order when Red Hood pulled out one of his massive guns. Dick ran inside and opened the drawers one by one, knocking everything aside till he found the escrima sticks lying inside.

It had been long since he used them, since he last practiced with them. Last time he put on a show with these sticks, he was still airheaded with the dream of being a GCPD police officer, was still running around in the Manor, demanding of Bruce’s attention and Alfred’s cookies.

Now they lay deep in the bottom drawer of his nightstand, slowly dusted through time.

He must have gotten lost for too long because when Red Hood touched his shoulder, he immediately jumped and grabbed his wrist, twisted it the way he knew would hurt. Red Hood was caught by surprise by it, but he didn’t make a sound.

He twisted his wrist back, arm full of strength Dick didn’t even believe was possible. He pulled his hand back, pulling Dick along with it, making him almost stumble into his chest.

“Get on the bed.” He whispered, hand slowly peeling Dick’s grip off him. He must have realized the confused look in Dick’s eyes when he said again. “Just do it.”

At moments like this, Dick could only nod and climb up on his bed. He tugged the blanket up and watched as Red Hood made his move to the window, standing just aside but his eyes were out, a position that all Police Academies taught their students how to spot a sniper without being spotted.

Dick stared at Red Hood’s cargo pants, stared at the guns and knives on his thigh’s straps, and wondered how he managed to do that, carry all those weapons so easily like they meant nothing, like they were parts of his body. Every single day Dick walked out the door with a pistol on his hip, it weighed more than its physical load, bringing him down and pinning every one of his steps with the responsibility and the capability of it.

“How many are there?” He whispered, needing to say something to break the silence between them. He felt tired of not knowing, tired of always being three steps behind what he was chasing.

“One on the rooftop, five downstairs.”  

Downstairs?

“My neighbor−”

“Is not your neighbor.”

He cut Dick off, eyes still out the window, gun ready in his hands. Dick took a second to swallow the fact and continued on.

“Did they follow you here?”

Red Hood turned to look at him, the light of his helmet’s eyes in the dark bedroom seemed cold and haunting, like the full moon of a forest’s night sky.

“No.” He startled Dick, he had stayed silent for too long for him to expect the answer to come. “They’re here for you.”

“What?”  

Red Hood just looked at him and stayed silent like he was trying to find a way to put it together. Dick didn’t care though, it was literally his life dangling off the cliff now, and he didn’t even know what he had done for it to lead to him into this situation.

Red Hood rubbed a hand in front of his hood, groaned out a frustrated sound that he had no right to make at all.

“What?” Dick repeated, running out of patience.

“Remember 2 weeks ago you saved my life?” He asked like Dick had actually gotten the magical ability to forget events like that. “I pissed off some really bad guys. And they didn’t seem to like the fact that you didn’t let me die.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Believe me, sugar. I don’t want to be either.”

Red Hood must have seen the way Dick glared at him irately, because he looked away instantly, going back to the view outside the window. The moonlight hit his helmet just right, making the metal shine a beautiful dim red. Dick wondered what people at the station would think if he told them he was in bed when the Red Hood showed up next to his window frame.

He shifted in the bed, tugging the blanket closer to his nose. Red Hood cocked his head to give him a look, face masked making Dick feel both uncomfortable and irritated at not being able to see his expression.

“Those guys have been following you since the day I left this place.” He was still looking out, and at this point, Dick thought it wasn’t for whatever was out there anymore, but to avoid his eyes.

“They tail you to the station, even got one as your neighbor. Learning your living habits, when you go in when you go out, are you single and living alone or have someone visiting frequently. Damn fuckers probably know what you dream about when you sleep. It only took this long for them to plan on killing you because you’re a cop.”

Red Hood said it like it was nothing, dirty booted foot resting nonchalantly on Dick’s ottoman as he bent down to pick out something on the opposite building. Dick tried to calm his breathing when he looked at the man, his stomach felt all wrong when the cargo pattern played tricks with his eyes, making him imagine the details of some kind of venomous snake.    

It took him longer than he had comfortably expected to find it odd in the way Red Hood had said it.

“How do you know all of this?”

Dick could see it, could feel that something had definitely changed in the air when Red Hood’s shoulders tensed at the sentence. It took long enough for him to panic, for him to repeat the “stupid, stupid, STUPID” inside his head. He should have held his tongue.

Dick clutched tight to the escrima sticks, feeling the burn when his heart started to pound like a druggie high on nicotine dips. He should have known sooner, his instincts should have picked up the signs, should have seen that this was all just a play, and the real enemy was right here in his room, holding machine guns and dynamite right on his watch.  

“Listen−”

Red Hood cut off, just as unexpectedly as he had started, and snapped his head toward the window, holding a gun that looked like a crossbreed of a pistol and a military shotgun, and fired.

He fired.

He fired and the loud bang Dick had expected to hear didn’t even come, muted by the muffler stuck on the top of the barrel.

Dick took a few good seconds to lay there in the bed dumbfoundedly, brain stopped and heart seized. His mind was still scrambled when he found the courage to slowly sit up, eyes open wide staring at the man.

“Did you jus−”

“I did.”

Dick’s breath hitched.

“Is he…”

“He is.”

Red Hood said as he took off his helmet, shook his hair free and looked straight at him with piercing blue eyes. Dick felt himself caught in his gaze like a fish in the net.

“I said it already, didn’t I? I’m not your enemy.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Dick glared, still not very sure how to react correctly.

“What if it’s too embarrassing that I don’t want you to know?”

“What’s too embarrassing?”

“You…” Red Hood snapped halfheartedly and got tongue-tied, Dick didn’t know if the red face belonged to his anger or embarrassment, probably both. He heard him mumble something like ‘Dickface’.

“I watched you, okay?” Red Hood spat out, finally. “I watched you wake up and go off every day, I watched you play dumb head hero out on the streets, watched your shit living schedule and your shit eating habits. I don’t even want to know how you sleep 4 hours a day and still are able act like a 5 years old on a sugar high.”

For a while, Dick just stared at him, watching the faint redness spread to Red Hood’s ears like a drunken man.

“And that happened before or after you found out I was targeted?”

Red Hood avoided his eyes and stayed silent.

“Red?”

“Before, okay?!” Red Hood snapped again. “Jesus, keep bitching about it and I’ll let you die tonight.”

They both knew he wouldn’t do that.

“What about the others?”

“They’re coming. Stay in here.” He strapped the big gun back on his back, and pulled out two pistols, checked the bullets, and clicked off the safety.

“What? No, I’m coming with you.”

Red Hood turned and looked at Dick like he had spoken in another language.

“Are you stupid or something? Those men are mercenaries, and they have firearms.”

“And I’m a cop.”

“I don’t see why that reason alone is fucking enough to you.” Red Hood looked like he was just two seconds away from knocking Dick’s head out.

He inhaled and swore and turned back to look at Dick all over again before reaching for the knife on his thigh strap.

“Take this. And stay behind me!” He gave the knife to Dick and ordered, eyes serious.

“I don’t need it.” Dick frowned.

“Of fucking course you need it. Did those law courses suck all the living will out of you?”

“I don’t want it.” He pushed the knife back to Red Hood’s hand and held the escrima sticks up. “I have these.”

“What…” Red Hood took one solid second to look at them before shaking his head. “No, nope, no. You’re not fighting with that shit. Either you take the knife or a fucking gun, or stay here and wait till I get back. Do you hear me?”

“No, I have to go. I can’t let you kill all those men.”

“What!!?”

The sound of the front door slamming open startled both of them. Red Hood grunted angrily before pushing Dick down on the bed and pointing an accusing finger towards his face.

“You stay here.” He commanded and put his hood back on.

Before Dick could protest, he kicked the bedroom door open and closed it again. The next second was chaos, a blended mixture of colorful curses, painful screams, furniture smashing and gunshots fired. He heard the sound of bodies hitting the floor, of people choking on their own blood, and felt nauseous. Dick didn’t know where Red Hood had found the thought that locking him here inside his own bedroom while he went out there going on his killing spree with people that were here to kill Dick, would be such a thoughtful idea. He was, by all mean, scared, but no delicate flower was he. While the files Bruce had given him today didn’t do much help his investigation, those people out there might help.

Red Hood said something about pissing them off, or pissing their boss off, maybe he was trying to do business with them. Maybe other forces on the streets were working together to put off the big bad wolf with the red helmet. Maybe a gang war was happening right now under the BPD’s neglecting eyes.

Either way, Dick couldn’t ignore it. Those people out there, whether they were here to kill Dick or not, they weren’t just dummy bags for Red Hood to play shoot and run with anymore.

The moment he kicked the door open, Red Hood was in the middle of choking some guy to the point that his tongue poked out. His kitchen was a mess, the bowl of cereal had been smashed to pieces, left-over milk running down his wooden floor and wetting an unconscious guy’s head with it. Glass was shattered everywhere, and one of his chairs was now hanging on another unconscious guy’s neck, broken with splinters poking out everywhere. Luckily for Dick, his only neighbor now turned out to be not his neighbor anymore.

The whole room turned to look at him for one solid second. Dick didn’t know what had hit him to think that that Red Hood was making a facial expression.

Dick wished that second was a bit longer, just a bit longer so he wouldn’t have to regret running out at gun point with nothing but stupid sticks in his hands. A gun pointed at his head and in a mere tick so many more. Red Hood shouted something that didn’t quite reach his ears but Dick was already moving, sliding on the floor and back behind his sofa like a piece of soap on the bathroom floor.

It didn’t take long for someone to walk over to his place. This one didn’t carry a gun, and Dick kicked his ankles on instinct, jamming his head with the butt of his escrima. He got up and got a mere second to look at the situation. He charged up the escrima sticks, waited for them to shoot out some electricity and got up, yelling.

“Red, duck!”

The escrima came flying and hit the one on Red Hood’s back as he dodged it in time, electrocuting him and sending him down to the floor, shaking like a dying fish.

There was only one guy left, and to Dick’s surprise, it was his neighbor.

“Mark…”

“Sorry, sweetheart. Nothing personal.” He raised his gun and pointed at Dick.

“Don’t do this, Mark.” Dick didn’t know if he sounded right or not, but his lips started shaking as the barrel staring point blank towards him.

“You have no idea who you pis−”

Mark didn’t get to finish his words as a hole marched on his forehead. Blood splattered on Dick’s chest before Mark’s body went down with a loud thump, revealing Red Hood behind him, holding Dick’s Glock with the barrel still smoking.

Dick’s knees started trembling as he looked down at Mark’s body, at the blood pooling around his head.

“Why did you kill him?” His voice came out, could barely win a breath, shaking and breathless like he had been choked by invisible hands.

“Because he tried to kill you.”

When Dick looked at him, it wasn’t digital eyes that stared back at him anymore. Dick felt like he could sink into the blue of those eyes, so cold yet so tender. A gentle hand came up to touch his cheek, rubbing lightly.

He smiled, so charming and warm Dick didn’t know what to do. “You’re okay now.”

He took off his gloves and this time, this time his warm skin touched Dick’s, sending electricity down to the very core of his whole body. This was the first time they had been this close that Dick didn’t feel like dying. Sharp eyes and crooked brows, straight nose, perfect cheekbones, lightly tanned skin but fading, neat undercut hair that was short enough to never get out of place even with the helmet. In another scene, Dick might have mistaken him with a soldier, a very handsome one.  

Something about him, so tall and big and looking down at Dick had his heart beating in a whole new way.

“Do you wanna call the police?” He asked, so suddenly it startled Dick a bit.

“I’m the police.”

Red Hood huffed.

“Call your friends then.” He smiled again and ruffled Dick’s hair before walking into his bedroom, leaving him behind standing dumbfounded and not knowing what to think or do about that.

  Dick had just gotten back from patrol when Amy was waiting for him by the door and motioned him to come to her desk. She gave him the look like she was ready to gut him and eat his organs. The paper coffee cup in her hands was pushed forward, abandoned.

“Are you going to talk about it?”

He knew what she was asking about, knew she was one of the only honest cops left, one he could totally trust. He looked around to check if anyone was eavesdropping on them, and turned back to look at her.

“Does it matter now?”

“This is no time for one of your stupid jokes, Grayson. You’re testing my patience.” She glared at him as her hands entwined and pushed beneath her chin. “You didn’t write the report, did you? It’s not even your pretty curvy handwriting, Wayne didn’t pay good money for you to paint chicken scratch like that. Is it Clay? Or Teller? Did the guys even give you the papers or did they just fill them in on their own?!”

She dumped the report down in front of his face, lips pulled into a thin line.

“I know how this department works, I know you know it too. And I know things must not have been easy for you since moving here, compared to the life you had in Gotham. You’re a good kid, I’ll give you that, but life in here isn’t a Hollywood movie, there are boundaries that we must not cross, not because we can’t, but because we shouldn’t. Do you understand?”

Dick stayed silent, watching her cup of coffee instead of looking into her eyes. Amy slumped back into her chair, she must be feeling frustrated dealing with him.

“It’s organized crime,” She said, finally. A sigh escaped her lips as her fingers lightly tapped on the wooden surface of her table. “Like in the old days, back in the 80’s and early 2000’s, when everybody knew each other, would be eating with the Mafia−same guys who remember your grandmother at Christmas and buy you ice cream. Truth be told? They kept the streets clean of scumbags. Burglars, rapists, pedophiles? Their bodies would end up ground and rotting on Highway 61.”

Her coffee cup lightly trembled under the rhythm of her fingers.

“Organized crime was a good thing, the best Bludhaven could hope for right now.” She continued. “At least they had a code, didn’t believe in beating up old ladies, carjackings, home invasions, molesting kids, shooting you in the head for your wallet. Or for no reason at all.”

She looked at Dick, and her eyes made Dick wonder that growing up under her motherhood must be real difficult.

“Last night five bodies were found in your apartment, three already died, one in a coma with only 10% chance of ever waking up, and this morning the Feds came and took the other away, all with 10 years in jail or criminal records. And what was on your report again?” She picked up the document in a halfhearted attempt and spoke in a mocking tone. “Self-defense violence?! I know you’re impressive with your… talents.” She decided. “I checked your profile myself when you first came here, people at the Academy really liked you, you finished your training in what? 19 weeks? Fastest time ever recorded since 2004. Had a bright spot to West Point Prep, but no, you chose this shithole instead.”

She stopped, waited for Dick to say something, but then gave up.

“I know you didn’t do all of this. Too violent for even a normal cop, not to mention you. The Grayson I’ve worked with in the last 13 months wouldn’t go for headshots or stab someone in the back with a kitchen knife 14 times just in defense.”

“I…”

“Oh, he can talk. I’m not done yet, Grayson.”

“Sorry.”

Amy stopped her tapping and forced Dick to look at her without even trying. She had her ways, a strong fine woman like her always had her ways. She took a minute to look away, made it look like she was too tired to see his tired face, eyes glancing around to see if anyone was around close enough to pick up what they were saying.

“Grayson,” She said.

“Yes?”

“Are you in trouble?”

He thought of Red Hood, of the way he had made his way inside his apartment like it was his home, thought of the way he had constantly taken off his hood to show Dick his face whenever he could, had smiled at him so wickedly, his hand had touched Dick so gently. He thought of how much Red Hood had surprised him when his face heated up and his ears had turned red when he was embarrassed.

He wondered whether all of that was trouble or not.

“I know with the investigation you are doing, the Red Hood case that seems to keep sucking you in, it’s dangerous.” Amy warned him, her eyes suddenly didn’t seem so scary anymore. “Organized crime is a good thing, but still, Red Hood is Mafia, and Mafia are criminal, don’t push them to their limits.”

If he told her he was almost murdered last night thanks to Red Hood, but was also saved last night thanks to Red Hood again, would she believe him?

Probably.

“I’m fine, Amy.” He smiled, hoping she would stop staring at the bags under his eyes. “I know when I should run or not.”

She was about to say something else, but decided against it. She nodded and waited till Dick was half way out of the door to call after him.

“Hey Grayson,”

“Yeah?”

“If you die, I don’t want Wayne knocking on my door asking questions, understood?”

That was her way of saying she didn’t want him dead.

“Understood.”  

 It was late dawn when Dick slumped back into his apartment, too exhausted to even take off his shoes without leaning on the wall. His phone slipped out of his pocket and dropped down on the floor, Dick didn’t even care to pick it up and turned back to lock his door, he had already decided that today was more than enough. He was too tired to eat, to answer the door if someone came and asked for something.

He was ready to stay dead to the world for a good 5 hours before his shift came up. Tomorrow he needed to make a call to Gordon, or at least send him a thank you note for trying to help. He needed to get a new pistol too, now that his belonged to Red Hood.

It took him longer than necessary to pick up the phone, but in the end, he was too tired to even move a few muscles. He was more than ready to land face first on the couch when he saw him, sitting on the countertop.

“Jesus Christ!” He jumped, hand on his chest when Red Hood gave him a wicked grin.

“Told ya your security is shit.” He said, no helmet today, no armor either. Taking a complete look at him, Dick realized Red Hood was here in civilian clothes. Prada leather jacket, Levi’s jeans, premium denim, $80? Could be more. Dr. Martin boots, black, high neck, thick lugged sole, size 11, authentic no doubt, that one should be around $150.

Good thing about growing up with Bruce was that you had to have a good eye, good thing about growing up with Alfred was that you had to have good taste in everything.

He wore gloves, thick, brown, leather ones that were meant for bikers and not for showoffs. Dick had spotted a red Ducati Monster parked down on the sideway in front of his apartment building, had been curious about it since not a lot of people in town were bikers, and especially, not a lot of people in town could afford to spend that much money on a bike.

There were two plastic bags behind him, and suddenly Dick remembered the crime bosses’ heads that this man had cut off then stuffed into a duffle bag to send to the police.

Red Hood must have noticed he was staring at them too, he grinned and jumped off the island, unfolding the bags and showing Dick his back so unconcernedly.

“I brought Thai, also got half of a Guangdong roast duck in this bag, had to make a detour for it but damn, the thing smells good.” He pointed at the other bag. “You haven’t eaten anything today, just like usual. Couldn’t cook since I didn’t wanna scare you off that fast.”

He went around and opened the cabinets and started taking out dishes with two bowls.

“But, I also don’t want it to look like takeouts, what kind of gentleman would that make me if I do?” He slowly dumped all the food in the containers out on the dishes and placed the duck pieces carefully into a circle. When all done, he gave his finger a lick and whistled low.

“Et voila!”

He washed his hands and motioned Dick to come and sit. Dick, who was looking at him with all the blood drained out of his face, and was 2 steps away from running back to the station.

It only took him two seconds to grab the nearest object and fling it towards Red Hood. The guy caught it, as expected, Dick slammed into him, knocking him down to the floor with his body and fumbled behind his back for the handcuffs.

“Woah, easy tiger. Not right on the first date.” He still had guts to joke around, lips pulling into a wide grin and showing white teeth while Dick pressed on his back and pulled his wrists together.

It was annoying to admit this wasn’t the first time a criminal tried to flirt with him.

“Red Hood, you’re under arrest for drug trafficking, producing illegal weapons, committing arson, bribing legal forces, terrorism, assault with deadly weapons, mass murder, kidnapping and operating illegal gang activities. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.” Dick read his rights and snapped the handcuffs closed.

“Ah, so you do remember your homework.”

“Let’s hope all that dirty money you make can afford you the best lawyer in town.”

“Ooh it sure can. But is that really how you’re gonna say thanks to your knight in shiny armor last night?” He smirked.

“Remain silent, please. You’re not as charming as you thi−Wah!”

Red Hood turned on his full force, knocking Dick on his back down to the floor. In a swift he was up and on Dick, handcuffs off his wrists now twirling on his index finger as he gave him a wolfish smirk.

“You haven’t seen me trying.” He leaned down and blew the words into Dick’s ear, raising baby hairs at the back of his neck.

Red Hood stood up after that, and Dick fumbled to get up, didn’t dare to let this man out of his sight for once. Red Hood seemed to take Dick’s anger and glaring as threatening as the frustration of a stray kitten. He walked behind the island and pulled up a black backpack, opened it, and took out two bottles of wine.

Dick didn’t even want to question why he carried wine in his backpack, but the idea kept flying around his head like an annoying bee.

“Which one is better with shrimp?” He asked.

Dick took a better look at the bottles, stayed silent for a minute, then asked.

“What kind of shrimp?”

Red Hood checked the dish in front of him. “Fried, spicy with a bit of sauce, got a hint of lime in them.”

“The 2000 Ladoucette Sancerre Blanc.”

“What about the other?”

“The La Stella Moscato D’asti? Good with smoked salmon, grilled pancetta shrimp, and garlic bread.” Before Dick could stop, Alfred’s lessons poured back out like an opened champagne.

Red Hood smiled at him, soft and sweet like Dick was his summer lover. He turned and dug around his cabinets again for two glasses, setting them down on the table.

“Let’s eat.”

Only then did he turn on the light in the kitchen, not the new bulb Dick had installed by himself when he first moved in, but the old one that came along with this place, dangling right on top of the dining table. The thing had looked so old and lonely Dick had to put a little DIY into it, had had to wrap old electric cord around a balloon, spray painted and coated it with walnut stain. It flickered a bit before shining decently, giving out an unhealthy orangey light that made the shrimp and the curry on the table look redder than usual.

Red Hood pulled a chair out for him, waiting.

“If you put anything in the food…” Dick voiced out when he was pushed down in the chair, eyeing the table suspiciously.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ve tested this guy’s patience quite a lot tonight.” He poured the wine out in both glass and sat down. “Alright, let’s dig in.”

Dick watched Red Hood sipping his wine and eating a few pieces of duck, he would nudge his fork on his hand once in a while to encourage him to eat the food. The duck was good, crispy on the skin and the meat was quite tender and sweet, the curry was a little too spicy for him, but he was glad the shrimp were seasoned lighter, and it really went well with the wine.

Red Hood watched him all the time and kept smiling. It made Dick feel unsure about how he should react to that.

“So, why Bludhaven?” He asked suddenly, while pouring more wine into Dick’s glass.

“The Blud is small with little people, and it has nothing to do with him.”

Red Hood took in a big bite of chicken with cashew nuts, and Dick appreciated that he didn’t ask any further questions about “him”.

“So, why Bludhaven?” Dick asked, repeating the question.

“Small place, too many little fears.” He answered nonchalantly. “Best way to stop it is to become the most feared.”

“You want to stop the chaos in the Blud? Like the way you do in Gotham?!”

Red Hood looked at him and sipped his wine, eyeing him carefully before setting the glass down, tapping it lightly.

“Chaos and vice are… unavoidable.” He said. “They are like rats and cockroaches on the streets, no matter how hard you keep it clean they will still exist, lurking in the dark and waiting for an opportunity to breed and grow.”

He got up and took both his and Dick’s plates away, dumping them into the dishwasher and went back to his chair. He licked his slightly chapped lips, eyes on the wall for a few seconds before they were back on Dick.

“You can’t kill crime, it’s part of our nature, part of the society. That’s why I control it, all the rats and cockroaches on the streets live by my rules, listen to my words, and follow my orders, then they get to eat, and they get to live. I protect the streets, by controlling the devils on them.”

“That’s a twisted way to do it.”

“Twisted, indeed, but efficient.”  

Amy had told him about this, about organized crime and the way it helped the people living with it. So far Red Hood had gone way against everything Dick had spent strength and time on learning about him, and Dick didn’t know what to do about that. Didn’t know if saying he agreed would make him a traitor to everything he had worked for, didn’t know if he should even let this man keep getting this close.

It was like a Rubik’s cube, the more he tried to shape it back in order, the more it went wrong.

“Why…”

“Hum?”

“Why are you here, tonight?” Dick asked, not quite looking at him. “Why did you buy me dinner, why are you telling me all of this?”

He had to know, he just had to know. Red Hood could have killed him at anytime if he wanted, could have let him die yesterday, but he hadn’t. He out of all people should know Dick could never be swayed easily either, not by good food or even attractive smiles.

Red Hood glanced at him, testing. Testing whether he should give away the honest answer, Dick could see it, could read it in the way his eyes flickered on his face like an open book. He had always been good at reading people, and now the helmet was out of his way, he felt better at it than ever.

“Officer Grayson,”

His voice sounded strange this time, lower than normal, raspy like the words had to fight their way to the surface.

“Yes…” Dick gasped when Red Hood got up off his chair and into his personal space, face closer and closer by the second.

“I think I’m in trouble.” He whispered and it raised all the goosebumps on Dick’s skin.

Dick smelled him, like mint and gunpowder, cigarette tar and newly baked bread, homely and so mundane, he felt their sleeves brushing each other, felt his presence, pulling him in like gravity.

“Why?” His question was barely whispered, but it caught his ears and his fingers were up to gently catch Dick’s chin.

“I’m not drugged now.”

In the first few seconds, or maybe even minutes, Dick didn’t seem to mind the meaning of it, was too occupied by Red Hood’s mouth on his. To his surprise, his kiss wasn’t as rough as his appearance might seem, his lips mumbled on Dick’s, asking for permission that kept throwing him off.

Dick did flinch when his hand snaked up to catch the back of his neck, but he cooed him back to the safety zone by feathering kisses on the corner of his lips. He only moved further when Dick had settled back, his tongue got in and flickered playfully at his teeth. Dick grabbed onto his jacket out of instinct, needing something to hold on to when it felt like the world was spinning too fast.

It was slow and gentle, yet the ground beneath his feet became unsteady. If he didn’t hold tight to Red Hood, Dick was afraid he was gonna fall off his chair.

When Red Hood’s lips left his, and their foreheads met each other, he looked into Dick’s eyes in the way Dick never thought a man like him could. After tonight, Dick didn’t even know what kind of man he was anymore.

They breathed and just stayed silent to catch the air their lungs needed, the room was turning warmer as Red Hood’s hands were still on him. Dick remembered it then, about what the man had said, about him not being drugged anymore. Last time they had kissed, so quick and sudden, Red Hood had been high on pain medication, had had that rush of leftover adrenaline from the fight he had had before, had needed a distraction to drug Dick to sleep, to find an escape route because it was clear he wouldn’t let a wanted criminal get away just like that, or so Dick assumed.

He was fully conscious this time, no drugs in the system nor reason to run away. And he smiled at Dick, just like so many times he had tonight, so warmly and fondly it had his chest aching and melting.

Only when Red Hood moved to kiss his cheek, Dick realized that maybe he was in trouble too.  

[amiafairyprincessyet]

Tell us about The Year You Only Wore Skirts sometime. Or, alternately, The “Titties!” Dress. Oh, or The Year You Tried to Assign One Specific Outfit to Each Weekday!

Okay, you asked for it buddy.

So, important backstory: I went to a private school for kindergarten through eighth grade.  (About ages five to fourteen, for those not used to the U.S. educational system.)  I’m aware that being able to do that is a huge privilege, but it also kind of completely ruined my life so uhhhhhhhhh let’s not go there.  (For those outside the U.S., a private school is one that the government doesn’t pay for completely, so your family has to pay money to go there, like you’re in university or something.  This does not necessarily mean they are better schools although I’ll admit that the one I went to was very good academically.)

Anyway, said private school had a pretty strict dress code.  It was bad enough when we were little, but when we got into middle school (about age ten or eleven) it got positively draconian, and (as these things always do) impacted the girls way more than the boys.

So, here are the stories in order:

1. The Year I Only Wore Skirts

I had a lot of weird impulses as a kid that ended up affecting my life for a disproportionate amount of time (I’m still a vegetarian) and this was one of them.  I mean, as far as I can remember, I had absolutely no reason for this besides “because I want to try it”.  I think this was in third grade and I just randomly decided I was only going to wear skirts for that entire school year.  While I was already starting to feel the early effects of POTS/hypermobile joints, I was still a fairly active, scrappy kid, so this was a little more difficult than I’d anticipated.  (Weather wasn’t too much of an issue–it didn’t get too cold in the winter in the part of California I lived in.)

Still, I’m a very stubborn person, and I persisted.  Until the second semester, when we had a gymnastics unit in P.E.  At that age, they didn’t have us changing clothes for P.E. yet, we were just required to come to school in clothes we could do athletic stuff.  I protested that opaque leggings under a skirt were perfectly reasonable and decent for my very poor attempts at headstands and cartwheels.  (Still can’t do either.  I kicked ass at balance beam, though.)  The administration did not agree with my opinion, and thus ended The Year I Only Wore Skirts.

2. The Year I Tried to Assign One Specific Outfit to Each Weekday:

I think this was probably the year after the skirt year, so probably fourth grade.  Maybe it was fifth, actually.  Also I don’t think it was a full year, because all the outfits I remember would not be suitable for my part of California in the early fall or late spring.

I think I’d gotten kind of fed up with how hard it was to follow dress code and wear cute outfits so I said, you know what?  Fuck it.  (Except I didn’t know that word yet–I remember exactly when I learned what “the f-word” everyone was talking about was, and that wasn’t until the end of fifth grade.)  I’m just gonna put together five outfits that work with the dress code and assign each one to a weekday and wear them on those days and there!  I’ll be done!  I was also going through a corduroy phase, so at least three of the outfits involved corduroy pants.  (And also we weren’t allowed to wear jeans.)  I can still remember two of the outfits clearly.  My favorite one (can’t remember the weekday) was a pair of magenta corduroy flare pants with two dark turquoise shirts that I layered.  See, we were required to have collars on our shirts, so I wore a plain collared polo shirt under a long-sleeved shirt that had this really cool floral embroidery on the front.  Some of the embroidery was magenta, hence the pants.  I also remember my Wednesday outfit–straight leg white corduroy pants and a white long-sleeve turtleneck shirt with thin rainbow stripes.

This didn’t last too long, for a few reasons.  Number one, my plan required that everything get washed every weekend, which just didn’t happen.  Number two, I got bored pretty quickly and started deviating from my schedule.  Number three, I’ve always been a slob and all-white outfits have always been a bad idea for me, so I had to drop the Wednesday outfit pretty quickly.

3. The “Titties!” Dress:

Okay, so in middle school (roughly ages 11-14) I was super super depressed.  (Remember how I said private school ruined my life?  Yeah.)  Goth fashion really appealed to me then, so I tried to dress that way.  Problem is, the aforementioned draconian dress code made that really difficult.  (Dress code stuff was also especially difficult for me because a) I hit puberty early and looked like an adult by age twelve and b) the middle school principal didn’t like me.  She sent me home from eighth grade graduation to cover up my ~sinful~ dress and I barely made it back to school in time to walk.)  I was basically confined to black cargo pants (not flattering at all) and black polo shirts, all fairly shapeless.

So that was what I had to work with when I started going to high school at a public (read: normal) school.  At first that suited me just fine, but as I began to realize that most of my depression was due to my old school, I started to want to dress differently.  I was inspired by a ModCloth ad I happened to click on, as well as my freshman bio lab partner who had a really amazing sense of fashion.  (In hindsight, I totally had a crush on her.)

This meant that one day, when I was shopping with my mom, I picked up a dress that was very different from what I normally wore.  It was… drumroll please… this dress!  Yep, this story is recent enough that I actually have a photo of the “Titties!” dress.  I think it took me a little while to actually wear the thing, but one day I did.  It was cool that morning, so I wore my oversized black Stanford sweatshirt for the beginning of the day.  However, partway through drama class, I took it off.  I definitely got a few weird looks, because these people had spent most of a school year only seeing me in baggy black clothes, but no one said anything.  Until I was talking to someone I was working on a scene with, and I saw that she was looking behind me and struggling to keep a straight face.

I turned around just in time to see one of the other girls gesturing in front of her chest and mouthing, “Titties!”  She had the grace to look a little guilty when I caught her, but only a little.  I think she said something like, “Did you have those the whole time?” to which I replied that yes, I had, for several years actually.  I wasn’t offended, because as far as I could tell, she didn’t mean it in a mean way at all.  She was just genuinely really really surprised.

Anyway, I called that dress “The ‘Titties!’ Dress” after that.  It doesn’t really fit me anymore, but I think I kept it for sentimental reasons, since it’s kind of a symbol of me overcoming my depression and dressing how I actually wanted to all along.