#so they weren't really conscious of anything and don't remember much of that past now

[fandomxo00]

Ok but imagine:

You think that Logan abandoned you

please read the warnings in the red before reading!

note: hey this is a fic that hits close to home, i felt really abandoned when i started this story and now i'm completing a couple days later. I usually don't do warnings for imagines but please read them, this is def a comfort fic

warnings: ANGSTY, y/n has borderline personality disorder, emotional intensity, feelings of abandonment, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts about violence, panic attack, she has powers unspecified, mentions of weed and alcohol, makeout session

you were having a really bad episode. you knew that the past week wasn't the easiest, and you started to lose the ability to use your powers. You still have your powers but when the dissociation starts to happen, the mood swings intensify, you knew that there was chance you could spiral. Though you've been doing really good, you still had intense intrusive thoughts. It was never words or voices in your head when you were in an episode, it was graphic images of you harming yourself.

And there were two different types of hurting yourselves, one was because you needed to feel something or pain, or that you were punishing yourself. The intrusive thoughts happened after you went down one of those tracks. You'd been getting better, but this was still going to happen, you just to remember to use your tools.

As silly as it sounds, healthy distraction helps, watching a movie, writing, painting. But when you couldn't stop crying, it was hard to do those things, so you wanted to seek help. You needed someone you trust to distract you, by talking about anything, or doing anything.

And what triggered this panic attack was the fact that everyone was gone, the kids were gone for the summer, and everyone else went out to celebrate the end of the year. You didn't like parties, you never did. Usually, you would spend this time with Logan, but he left. He said it wasn't anything to do with you, that he just needed time away, but it's been months. His calls grew more and more distance and you'd been struggling from the moment he told he was going to leave. Even though he said he would be back, abandonment sunk into you like a dagger. You didn't want to hold him back, you'd been together for awhile but you'd never even said those three little words.

You knew that Logan knew how you felt. He became your favorite person, someone you attach yourself to, that you have a deep deep care for, sometimes could be obsessional. You weren't sure if your feelings for him were healthy, and sometimes you would let your intense feelings slip. But he never seemed to mind, he just never said anything, but he would sweep you up in a kiss, or a hug. Sometimes the two of you would have sex. Not that your sex life was inactive by any means not with his stamina.

Sometimes you thought you disappointed him, when you would slip into a depression, you couldn't have sex, you could barely be touched. But once you explained what was happening, he started doing everything to help you. Asking you different questions about what you needed and eventually he just knew everything. You didn't have to say anything, and he was there for you. Apart of you wonders if he left because he couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't that it conscious, you don't think he would leave you because he didn't want to help you. He was just unhappy and needed to get away, it just so happened that you were also a lot to deal with.

You didn't want to bother everyone else, but you knew that there was one person who was not at the party. Charles. You knew that he had been using Cerebro, which meant he wouldn't know what was going on with you. But then he was also prepared for this, he could feel you slipping away, he could hear all of those thoughts that swirled through your head. He was the one who pushed you to get the help you needed when you found this place. You were going around life with so much baggage and trauma you were like a zombie and sometimes you were like a chicken with her head cut off.

Charles was kind with you, he even expressed his own mental health challenges. When he was younger, he struggled with all of the voices, those his were amplified by everyone else, he knew that your head was similar but with your own thoughts. He felt you slipping away, he noticed the pattern of dissociation, executive dysfunction and the intense mood swings and then panic. Logan was usually there to help you, he never showed any judgement. Charles knew how deeply he cared about you, even if he couldn't tell you.

Charles knew the reason why Logan had left and it wasn't because he was tired of you. He needed a break from the other mutants, the job, the structure, his feelings for you. Any second all of it could be taken away and he wouldn't know what to do. Logan knew he had to get over himself, but he needed time and then he would come back to you. Whisk you away to live in domestic bliss, tell you how he feels and marrying you. Giving you everything that you yearned for in life.

You always thought that you were scary Logan off when you spoke about your feelings for him or what you wanted for the future. He loved taking care of you, feeling needed and wanted. When you opened up to him about your constant distorted thoughts, he knew where you coming from. But your openness, your willingness to heal, to be outspoken, it was something that he wouldn't ever have the courage to do. With you though? Logan thinks he trusts you enough to open up, but he's scared of what that means for him.

When Charles felt the shift, he instantly reached out to Logan, telling him that you weren't doing well. The break down slipped away from you, knowing that you didn't want to go to the party. But as much as you knew that you didn't want to go it was like your brain wouldn't believe you. You started thinking of other reasons why you actually didn't want to go. Because you felt like a burden, you were a hard person to be around, you were never the type of fun people were looking for. You didn't like the feeling of getting drunk, you'd rather smoke a bowl, just hang around talking and vibing.

It was something Logan did with you before he left.

Logan felt immensely guilty as Charles contacted him about you. As much as his leaving wasn't about you, he'd been gone for a while and the assurance that he usually gave you, was gone. He knew that sometimes you didn't feel his affection, not because he wasn't trying to love you. He drove his motorcycle as quick as he could back the mansion, being only a few hours away from you at all times.

Though he wonders if he would catch you off guard with how he looked, he hadn't been living it up by any means. Logan had been off in the mountains, only adventuring into the nearest town to drink booze. But he dreams about you, about settling down with you, marrying you, how it felt to make love to you. He'd sit at the bar and think about your little quirks, the way you had these little tics or the cheesy repeative jokes that always made you smile at your jokes. Logan thought about how at only 25, you were far smarter and more mature than himself. You came to him if you were hurt by something, wanting to know his side of the story and coming to a middle ground. You weren't going to be passive aggressive and wait for him to guess what the problem was, but he was still going to take care of you.

But he wasn't right now.

Before he left town, he stopped in at the local Love's gas station and managed to take a shower and brush teeth. He was sure he needed more than what a gas station shower could provide him but at least he was slightly presentable, not that you cared. But he cared, he didn't want to show up looking like a mess, you needed him.

He felt the guilt sink in deeper the closer he got the mansion, and he could hear you when he pulled up. Logan wasn't sure where Charles was, surely, he hadn't left you alone. But your sobs came from your chest, he could smell the fear and sadness radiating off of you before he even got to your door. He was quick to throw open the door to see you on the bed, you had your knees tucked to your chest as you curled your body over them. Your hands cradling your stomach as your shoulders shaked from the cries coming out of your mouth.

"Baby." Logan breathed, as he made his way over to the bed. As he reached his hand out you were practically limp, his arms wrapping around your middle and pulling you back against him. You didn't even react, but as you smell his familiar musk you knew it was Logan.

"Logan?" You trembled against his chest, as you curled into him.

"I'm here, I'm sorry, I didn't leave you, god I promise, I left the school.

"Why didn't you take me with you?" You cried, looking up at him. "Why couldn't you just talk to me?"

"Because I'm scared." Logan murmured, his hand coming up to your hair and brushing your hair away from your snot covered face. He reached to the bed side table to grab tissues and dabs at the spots on your face as you kept your eyes closed. You focused on breathing in deeply and back out.

"Of what?" You pressed, as your eyes fluttered back open, your hand landing on his chest.

"Of how much I love you." Logan's voice was deep as his eyes shined lightly with tears as he gazed down at you. You just stared up at him, your hand coming to wipe at your tears.

"I still don't understand, why did you run away? Do you not want me?" Your voice was slightly nasally from all the crying you'd been doing, your voice hoarse. Logan's hand came to your face, cupping your jaw and rubbing his thumb against your cheek, he dipped his chin to look right into your eyes with an intensity that shocked your system.

"Of course I want you, princess. You-you have a piece of my heart, from the moment I met you, you took a piece of me, and you replaced it with your own. I belong with you, gorgeous, I just can't-I can't watch something happened to you."

"That's out of our control, all we can do is love each other right now as hard as we can."

"That shouldn't be too hard."

"You're not going anywhere?" You asked, your hand coming up to his long beard and rubbing your hand against his cheek. He leaned into your touch, his eyes still shining with what you now deemed love, as he pulled you in closer to press his lips against yours in a feather like kiss.

"Not without you." Logan promised against your mouth, as your other hand moved up to his unruly hair, sitting up in his lap as your lips landed on his. His hands splayed on your back as he kissed your back, your body molding his as you melted into each other. Everything that the two of you couldn't say, you showed each other with gentle touches, passionate kisses, and just being completely consumed in each other.

if you ever need help please reach out to: 988 , they are a suicide crisis hotline, I've had to use them before, it's not a bad thing to ask for help, ever. Don't ever stop challenging others, pushing to the get answers and help you deserve.

ps. btw can every fic just be logan telling me he loves me or just like pining after me, cause yes yes yes

[imagine-shenanigans]

I'm getting back into the swing of things for writing, so here's some random safe for work headcanons because I've been reading an obscene amount of x reader content (Please go check out Aggre(g/v)ation by llama goddess, and Saving Three Ex-cell-ent skeletons by recklessly caffeinated on ao3 because I got brain worms babey.)

Also since its been awhile since I've written something on this blog, remember that these are stream of consciousness teehee <3

(General tws: references (but not explicitly said) to past consumption of humans, ED/Disordered eating and mental health issues, au-typical violence references, etc)

Word Count: 2.2k words ish

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Horrortale!Sans (Skull) x Reader Misc SFW Headcanons

My favorite thing is when people portray sans in any light as either Just A Little Guy or as Fuckin Huge and Skull is a Big Boy <333 he's easily 7 feet tall, and Built Fucking Different.

Monsters can't like, completely and utterly alter the type of monster they are, so you won't see a Bunny Monster turn into a Moldsmal but its very widely understood that magic reflects the soul reflects the mind reflects the body - so its not really something where monsters experience dysphoria as much? Like if a monster is afab, but realizes they're trans and a guy, it may take awhile to transition - and they may need some help via magic other than their own - but it's really normal in comparison.

Unfortunately, the positive aspects of the whole "mind/soul/body" equation in that you'll eventually look how you want so long as you put the effort into changing every day can also be blocked by trauma and "scarring" to the soul. It's pretty rare in the canon universe, but for Horrortale monsters its damn near exclusive - when you have to do anything you can to survive, adaptation to your environment makes you a hell of a lot scarier in compenstation.

Skull is one such monster where if it weren't for his injury, he'd be a complete 180 from the typical monsters you see. But because of it, it makes it harder to control his magic because he can't think straight. It takes him longer to form sentences, takes him longer to process words sometimes, or even read. He gets light sensitivity really bad, and because his body change wasn't by his choice, but by an unfortunate way of being injured while in a traumatic situation, Skull, no matter how much better he gets, will never fully go back to what he was before.

He's extremely self-conscious about his size and his looks, not to mention his mental capacity. He knows and can think about what he's doing, his mind has never lost that sharpness or intellect. He can strip a machine down to parts and put it back together or put it to other use in minutes, but if you ask him to write it down or explain it he's going to have one hell of a time and he'll probably leave the experience worse than he went into it.

Similarly, if he does want to talk, in one of his rare moods where he's explaining what he's doing out loud to you, he could go on for hours, but suddenly hit a block where the words don't work right.

Be patient with him when this happens. He doesn't like it, and even though it can be frustrating at times, like if you're trying to decide something for dinner or write up a grocery list, he really is doing his best.

Sign language is a good alternative when the words don't want to come out but he's still able to communicate - writing can be one sided, but sometimes thats all he can do too.

When an idea strikes the both of you one day to just draw what he's thinking, Skull could fucking kiss you senseless when you hand him a white board and a dry erase marker. Words may not be making sense in his brain but he can picture what he wants in those moments so this is the perfect compromise between the two for communication.

Skull is his name now, so even though he was once Sans, Skull is what he picked as the reclamation of all that's happened to him. A name that he picked to get him through it day by day but its also a reminder of where he's been and where he'll go. That said... it's also a name he initially picked as a form of self harm to some degree, a mocking reference to his own injury that hindered him.

So while he'll probably never change his name again... he appreciates it when you call him pet names. It's a reminder that you love him enough to do so, while also giving himself a break from the constant reminder. He particularly loves when you call him your "Big old teddy bear" because... god he does not feel like it sometimes.

Get it its a reference to some of the fandom calling him Bear and I love that name for him a lot too

Due to the past, he has some Big Issues With Food, constantly bouncing back and forth between feast and famine.

He has some issues with meat at times - on bad days certain textures and tastes just remind him of the bad times in his life where survival was such a tightrope walk that just imagining eating it makes him sick.

A very "safe food" house, where the two of you stock up on your safe foods and have a cupboard dedicated to it for days you can't stand anything else.

Some days, Skull is content for the two of you to eat at the kitchen table or to watch TV in the living room while you two eat from separate bowls/plates, and he can eat fairly freely, not particularly caring who eats how much or in what order.

Others... other days he anxiously watches to make sure you've had a serving before he gets his, or, more likely, he brings the full pan/a single platter to the table, and the two of you share the same food, taking bites in turn so he can make sure you're getting enough to eat.

King of cooking. It makes him feel better to have full say of what goes into the meals, and honestly the man is an excellent cook. If you insist on helping him cook, it's a 50/50 on whether he gives you this smug little smile and sets you up on the counter top so he can look at you while he cooks, or if he actually lets you help.

He feels out of control if he can't cook, so even on special occasions he's still going to be cooking himself, unless you feel the Urge To Cook or you two order out.

Even then, please just go over with him what you did step by step and tell him what fully went in it - he trusts you implicitly and he's unlikely to outright ask... but it always helps ease his mind when you walk him through what you did just so he can feel less guilty.

Cuddler.

Big fucking cuddler.

Sitting on the couch alone? Not for long. Skull appears? Bam. you're in his lap, his claws smoothing across your skin and through your hair, purring up a storm as he settles his chin on the top of your head and closes his eyes.

If you're watching TV, he's only ever going to pay half attention if he's got you in his lap, half-snoozing in a very light doze as he basks in your presence, and half listening for danger/to the TV depending on the day.

He ADORES when you read to him. He loves it when you talk, and when he gets to listen to storytime while you talk? Best. Day. Ever.

Loves how small you are in comparison to him - something he never thought he'd be comfortable with at first, just based on the idea alone, but in practice he loves being completely wrapped around you and making sure you're safe. You're his personal teddy bear, no matter how many times you call him that yourself.

Jetpacking/Him being the little spoon is... unlikely. He's got some damn broad shoulders and chest, and he's not super happy with the idea of your limbs inside of him no matter if its on purpose or not.

If you want to hold him, he's definitely okay with that (although he does prefer to hold you) as long as you're touching him. You'll just have to let him set his head in your lap, or rest against your chest as he snuggles you chest to... well not chest, so more chest-to-skull and chest-to-legs with how he holds you. He's very beefy and has presence but he's about half the weight most people expect, despite the fact that it should be obvious because he's a skeleton.

He lets out the most broken whimper-whine-purr when you gently kiss the cracks on his skull, close to the gaping wound there. Don't actually touch inside or press too close to the wound itself, because that's genuinely very uncomfortable in the way it would be if he were human and had a missing eye and you touched the inside of the socket to see what it felt like. Just overall a bad experience so Don't Do That No Matter What The Intrusive Thoughts Say, although he'd let you do it in a heartbeat if you asked him

Absolutely whipped. Skull will do anything and everything you say if you just look at him just like that - just like he's your everything, like you love him without bounds and without exception. Puppy eyes also work.

He's a goddamn simp is what he is,

You'll just be minding your own business and you'll look over and catch him staring at you like you've hung the moon and the stars just to provide him with a small amount of your light during the nighttime. He looks at you with such adoration that it hurts.

Sometimes it looks a little freaky like, before you've come to automatically understand his expressions but goddamnit its so hard not to fall in love with him even just by a little more when he loves you so fucking much.

Kissies? Kissies for Skull? Please?

man FIENDS for kissies.

Once he's more comfortable giving affection unprompted you can barely keep his fucking hands off of you. He goes from "I Can And Will Nuzzle You And Pull You Into My Lap But That's It" to "No Kissies? No Snuggles? No Love For Skull? Oh! Jail! Jail For Datemate! Jail For Datemate For One Thousand Years!"

He straight up just hangs off of your clothing while staring at you until you give him a kiss or a hug. He'll come up to you and just bury his face into your neck while purring, or nuzzle your hair, but then moments later pout at you while wrapping his arms around your middle and burying his face into your stomach until you give up whatever youre doing and pay attention to him.

He doesn't do it often But By God Does He Get His Way When He Does.

He's also the type to just like, spend the entire day giving you small pecks on the lips and cheeks and forehead, and then snuggle you at night, and then the next day he'll be way less clingy. You take it in stride and then he just out of the blue dips you in the fucking moonlight and kisses you senseless.

The bastard.

Circling back to pet names, he thinks the nickname Teddybear/Bear is cute and he likes it, but call him My Love/Love/Dear Heart/something else dripping with affection and he's cupping your face in his hands and staring at you adoringly while he rubs your cheek with his claw.

Surprise him with new ones and he'll turn positively blue in the face while smiling like a fool

Surprise him with silly ones and he'll be even more in love while laughing. call him your little chicken nugget and he cant stop smiling and chuckling for a few hours. God. He'll dream of kissing you under the moonlight if you make a pun out of it.

(Brief aside here so I can avoid the text character limit "per block" but I prefer doing bullet point lists for these so anyway continue on)

Pet names always depend on the person, so whatever his one for you depends on you as a person (thats the easy way out for me) but he prefers just one pet name. (Aside from like. Babe being thrown in sometimes yknow)

He'll start with one pet name and see how you react to it - he prefers cute ones like Kitten, Bunny, Lovebird, etc. Something small and cute and adorable - though he changes it up depending on what you respond best to, because while the majority of the reason he calls you a pet name is out of affection, he still calls you pet names to see you get flustered.

On days he's feeling better, he gets more sassy he's gonna include more puns. Or teasing. Example - if he calls you lovebird, or some sort of bird-based nickname? Fuckin. He's calling you pigeon to see how you react.

Bunny? Hare-brain

Kitten? Fuzzball

If its an animal/bird/etc that he calls you in terms of nicknames, he might even refer to you as the scientific name of the animal, or a breed in that category because he thinks its funny to watch you fully stop in your tracks and process what he's just said.

Picks you up at any given opportunity.

Puddle? Oh dear, he should make sure your shoes don't get wet. Better princess carry you.

About to miss an appointment? Thrown over a shoulder.

Just feels like it? Get Scooped Idiot. Okay i have Way More Thoughts but I'm already at 2k because I have no impulse control so byeeeee come request more xreader stuff from me

[hpowellsmith]

Hello there! I've been wanting to replay the older Baldur's Gate games, and was searching around for mlm NPC romance mods. I saw yours mentioned and found your site with some googling, but it seems the place they were hosted at is gone now (Spellhold Studios). I was wondering if you still have the mods available somewhere? Either way, I hope you have a great day!

OK, this has made go down a modding-community rabbit hole! I hadn't done anything with our Baldur's Gate 2 mods, or looked at them really, since 2015 and I really appreciate it because they're something that brought my wife and I a ton of joy, and they were the first interactive narratives I made.

Links, descriptions, and comments below because it is Long:

I got in touch with folks on the Gibberlings3 forum which is, wonderfully, still going strong, and have given permission for Faren and Nathaniel to be uploaded to the Spellhold Studios GitHub (which has a bunch of other mods too - do check out Adrian, Isra, and Ninde in particular!) to the team maintaining it. That may be a little while as some of the team are ill right now, but once I hear that it's done, I'll post about it here; I've also been pointed to some links where the mods were mirrored. Note that I haven't tested these myself on a current BG2 install, but it is easy to uninstall WeiDU mods if there's a problem.

Faren is a bisexual True Neutral fighter/thief (I can't remember if he's dual-classed or multi-classed) who's easygoing, down-to-earth, and up for partying, with a bit of a checkered past - his adventuring party died in one of the dungeons you can visit in BG2, and since then he's been picking up dodgy jobs, feeling a bit adrift, and trying to get his life back on track. That's where the PC comes in! You can befriend him or romance him (starting with either a casual or more committed tone, then committing further if you want to), and he has a personal quest in which a shady figure from his past wants him to do one last job. He was our third mod, and we'd developed our skills with writing and scope a lot by then. When I play BG2, I play with Faren! You can currently download Faren here. It's the version updated in 2015 with more banters with modded NPCs and the Enhanced Edition characters; there may be compatibility issues installing it with other newer mods but do give it a try.

I found The Luxley Family, which was our second mod, on the GitHub here. From a cursory (rusty) glance it looks like it should be compatible with Enhanced Edition, but the storyline is only for Shadows of Amn and doesn't continue into Throne of Bhaal. Sebastian and Andrei (Chaotic Neutral bard with a custom kit and Lawful Neutral monk respectively) are members of a mysterious, reclusive family who are under a curse. Sebastian's a worldly playwright who's showing his polite but moody teenage cousin Andrei the sights when they bump into the PC. They aren't romanceable, but you can have a fling with Sebastian, who's bisexual, if you let/help him mess up his life sufficiently.

Nathaniel is a Lawful Good gay fighter with a lot of feelings. He was our first mod and I am really proud of the impact he had on a lot of people and even other games back in the day, but if you play, go in expecting a LOT of feelings good and bad, relationship drama, and angst! (There's something very sad about the fact that as teens we could not imagine a D&D setting without homophobia back then; the idea of a knightly order thinking well of gay people just didn't cross our minds. it's extraordinary how much better a lot of things are now, including the queerness in D&D streams, books, and of course Baldur's Gate 3. Interestingly, we didn't include homophobia in the Luxley Family or Faren and I don't remember how conscious that was; maybe we'd become more hopeful by then.) You can download an outdated version of Nathaniel here but I don't think it will be compatible with Enhanced Edition.

Thank you so much for messaging! I didn't realise they weren't able to be downloaded anymore and I am really keen for digital art to be preserved (as well as players getting to smooch hot guys, of course).

(Digression - my wife and I have a couple of almost-finished mods on our computer: a lesbian cleric of Talos which she wrote, and a bi Valygar romance that I wrote. And, if it's among two computers' ago worth of external hard drive storage, the ending for the Luxley Family story. Who knows, maybe one day...)

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Posting Update!!

TW: mentions of weight loss (positive) and body dysmorphia, past trauma non-specific just mentioned, personal junk rant under the cut, above is general information about the posting update

Hello hello! I have finally returned for an update! Things have been crazy for me recently, so I apologize for the delay in the new chapters, but they are still being worked on! I don't have a definite posting date for anything yet, but I'm shooting to have something out by next week! If you would like to hear a little bit more about what's been going on in my life that's below! Just under the cut so no one is caught off guard by the TW's above, it's also a little long because I'm a rambler lol, but overall a lot of exciting stuff is happening on my end!

I go to see Powerwolf in 3 days, which as some, if not most, of you probably know if you've been around here for a while, is my favorite band of all time. That, paired with the fact that this is the first big event I'll be going to since I started my hot girl glow up last year has been making me a little insane lol.

August 19th, 2023, I saw Ghost live, which absolutely changed my life. I remember vividly I had just recently found out I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life, and as someone who's constantly had to deal with body dysmorphia for as long as I can remember, it really made my self esteem take a huge hit. I had this whole plan to dress up and be all hot and sexy for the concert, which I did, but all I could focus on was how much weight I had put on, it was super frustrating and if I hadn't gotten VIP passes I honestly might have gone home because I was just not feeling it. But, we went, I made it all the way up to the barrier. I had an amazing time flirting with Phantom and Sodo (I'm sure they weren't flirting back but I like to let my delusional little brain believe lol) and throughout the night my heart felt so full, it was amazing. There was one point Papa came out singing He Is (my personal favorite) and, again probably delusional but whatever, there was one point where he walked over to my side of the stage, and I was reaching out for him and our eyes met, he reached his hand back out to me and something in my head clicked... This man preaches about acceptance, treating others with kindness, would Papa treat me the same way I treated myself? The answer was absolutely the fuck not. So, from that point forward, I made a conscious decision to treat myself better, I wanted to become so hauntingly beautiful that I would be able to catch Papa's attention if I ever make it back to the barrier for one of their shows lol. That really started to ramp up when PW announced their US tour.

I bought these tickets in February, I fully stopped in the middle of whatever I was doing at the gym to go camp out in the locker room for the pre sale at like 9 in the morning, got the tickets for the front floor because my friends and I are once again trying to make it to the barrier, and went of my fucking God, Falk. In my mind, I had an end goal now.

From that point forward The Hot Girl Glow Up truly began. I'm down 40 lbs, I've put on a shit load of muscle from going to the gym a few times a week, I've recently picked up yoga and I LOVE IT! But, it went so much farther than just the weight loss. I've been a lot kinder to myself, I have a lot of things that happened to me in the past I still need to heal from, and that scared, hurt younger version of me is still trying to find a soft place to land in my mind so she can rest. And a big part of my journey so far is really getting to the root of why I'm holding all of these bad feelings towards myself, which has been its own web that needs to be carefully unwound. Because getting healthy and losing weight is great, but I don't want to get there by bullying myself. The body heals through compassion and stillness, we cannot heal a body we hate. That's something I picked up in yoga the other night, think I'm gunna keep that in my pocket for a bit.

I know I don't owe anyone any explanation for why it takes me so long to get updates out, but I'm not posting updates not because I don't want to, that's the farthest thing from the truth. To put it simply, I give a shit about myself now. I can't spend all day sitting in front of my computer, staring a blank screen, waiting for the ideas to come while I shove nothing but fast food in my face and don't take care of myself physically, mentally, or emotionally, that's where I was at before all of this. So, I do apologize for the lack of updates, I promise just because I've slowed down doesn't mean I'm stopping any time soon lol.

Hopefully after PW I'll be back to a more consistent schedule. Between all of my classes, and the gym, and work, and trying to sew the last part of my concert outfit and make jewelry, and do practice makeup, and hair trials, and meeting up with my friends to plan their outfits and makeup and so we can go shopping for all of this, I've just been very busy lol. But, the update is still coming, we just gotta get there!

[xxskyethetiredemoxx]

I just need to vent rn. Tw for suicide mentions/ideation, sh, and depressing shit.

I feel so alone tonight. Or today I general. I wanted to have a day to rest, cause I've been really tired lately, and I wanted a day where I don't have to do anything. I did almost nothing today, I got 11 hours of sleep, and I had an almost nap (like I was kinda semi conscious? Idk, I can't have normal naps most of the time). But I'm still so drained.

Everything's just been making me cry, for some reason. I've been breaking down so many times today, and idk why. I've been thinking about my past. Idk how I could ever forgive my parents for everything they've done to me, but I pretty much have to act like I don't remember it all, or don't care anymore, and have put it all behind me. I've tried so hard to put it behind me. I can't. They've done so much, and they don't care or realise what that's done to me, and I'm sick of having to live with it while they get to just move on completely.

My father's admitted that he made a lot of mistakes in the past, but he doesn't realise everything that's done to me. My mother probably doesn't give a shit. I sometimes wonder who I'd be without the abuse and trauma I've had, but I don't wanna mourn the person I never was. It's pointless.

I'm so worried for my friend. They attempted recently, and I haven't heard from them today, and it looks like they've blocked me, which they sometimes do when they're going through a really bad episode. I don't hold that against them, I understand why they do it. I used to get worried that they hate me, or I'd feel resentment towards them, but since they've explained a lot of why they act the way they do, I'm just worried for them now. So fucking worried.

It's 2am for me, and I can't get the idea of attempting or relapsing into sh out of my head. I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna do this anymore. Everything is going too fast, my future feels hopeless, and I'd have been dead at 14 if it weren't for other people. Why am I alive just for other people?

I have no one to talk to about any of this shit rn. I feel alone, like I'm screaming into a void, and no one's there to answer. I can't cope. I keep wanting to end the pain forever.

Why the fuck have I had to deal with so much in my life? Why do I have so much trauma, why can I almost never feel happy, why do I just get more shit thrown at me every time I think it's getting better? I'm 16, I've had my childhood ripped away from me, and replaced with the most fucked up shit life can throw at me. And I'm just meant to believe it gets better? That I can just think more positively? That life is a beautiful thing worth living, when it's been so cruel to me from the beginning? How? Why?

I'm so sick of this. I'm so done. There's no point. Maybe I'll continue living for the sake of it. Why tf not. I'll just get beaten down again and again, might as well just accept it already, and stop throwing myself a fucking pity party every time something bad happens. As though, what, I'm special? People go through worse. I fucking hate myself so much.

Whatever. I'm going to sleep. Take care of yourself, whoever is reading this. You are loved.

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

For very valid reasons, I'm not trusted by most of the system. I've been cut off from most connections I'd created since the end of 2022. Ash continued reporting to me, at least the basic day to day things. But things began to change and he reported less and less over last year. Eventually, he quit altogether, and I had no idea what everyone was up to. I had no idea Pandemonum was beginning to heal, or that they'd all investigated enough to process our early childhood. I was not aware of the drone being used for more than personal entertainment.

During his coup, Ash had to get me onboard to hold on to Joshua's power within us. It wasn't that I didn't see why he was doing it, since the hypocrisy was pretty obvious. But there had to be rules, or things would fall apart on us. So we made a contract with conditions that had to be met, otherwise I would take direct control.

It turns out that he pushed the bounds of our agreement and gave me both the bare minimum of what would satisfy me, as well as the most regarding the healing process that wouldn't cause me to step in. Like that Pandemonum was cooperating at all and out in the open in a layer that existed in the shadow of the main layer. Or that it and other parts were using the drone to compile their splintered and disorganized memories. And in all fairness, Ash did know I was against such a thing with our memories because of our instability. But as it happens, others coming out of the first few rounds of fusions had their own ideas because of prior healing. I do, at least, remember collectively realizing we're a trans man, but not much past that.

I shot down so many ideas because of my own insecurities and fears. No beating around the bush. Can't blame Ash for slowly giving me less and less of actually useful details. He turned out like he did partially because of me and how I did things. I was busy keeping everything separate, with special attention to exact words. I'm more than likely responsible for a lot of the posts that never got published.

Admittedly, this is uncomfortable for me. I'm used to working in the shadows, the background. I don't like being front and center. Perhaps that's the trauma. But the others are holding me to this now that awareness has spread that I've been found. I'm already being connected to the drone, anyway. Not really much choice at this point. No point in protesting, and I don't have any right to be angry about it. I've been far more forceful to them in the past, and very hurtful.

No, I'm really not angry at all. If anything, I'm just sad. I'm rambling now, but the fact that things reached the point they did. And all I was doing was slapping bandaids over everything, as if that would be enough on its own.

Yes, the pandemic was big enough to shut me down for a while. It's how the others were able to connect the few dots they did in the beginning. That was not at all in the plan, but now I do realize that my plan was inherently flawed.

My plan is what led to our periodic crashing at critical moments because we were patched together with essentially nothing more than tape. My plan meant suppressing things if they became inconvenient for whatever reason, then ignoring them. Mainly emotions. But it meant that tension built up constantly, and I became a pressure cooker of stress and anxiety. And when something happened, I went boom. I was absolutely neurotic, and of course I hurt more than just myself.

Now, they have more control in the system than me. The drone also represents them pooling their power as individual parts and sharing in it equally. It's for a lot of reasons, but perhaps most importantly for that sense of equality and feeling seen. The power it gives them is more of a bonus than a conscious goal.

Frankly, I should be quite proud of them. They absolutely did a lot better with things than I'd expected they would. I'm one who was afraid we weren't strong enough to handle the truth. My only goal was preservation and survival. What we wanted didn't matter at all. I've never been good at the stuff we want.

I guess if others with serious issues can recover, so can I. It just seems so...I don't know. Awkward. Rhodes insists we'll get there. Healing should feel good, even if it sometimes still hurts.

I'm thinking of calling myself Seer instead of Overseer, I really don't know. I guess it depends on how my role changes as I heal.

-Magicat Overseer ☎️😺

[joodlepo]

Take Care Of Me / Lee Felix Smut (18+)

Summary / Felix has been very sick for the past week, and you've been helping him get better. He's finally starting to look a little more like himself again, but unfortunately he still feels pretty weak. So, you decide it might be time for some physical therapy in the bathroom...and your patient is definitely up for that!

Pairings / (Top) Lee Felix + (F) Reader

Word Count / 4.0k

Warnings / Sick Felix, Bath Sex, Dirty Talk, Creampie, Rough Sex

A string of coughs left Felix's throat, and he leaned backwards to rest his head against the bedroom wall. A dull ache throbbed in his chest when he tried to breathe deeply, but it didn't seem like anything serious—just another symptom that would soon fade away on it's own. The pain was a little bit more than usual; maybe he had caught something from one of the staff at work? He couldn't remember having been exposed to any new germs lately...

Felix sighed as he let himself sink deeper into darkness again, allowing the warm embrace of unconsciousness to take him over completely once more. It felt nice, not being able to think anymore for a while.

"Oh Felix!" You called out loudly through the bedroom door, causing him to jerk awake with an irritated groan. "I made you a bowl soup! I hope you're hungry~"

Your voice sounded cheerful enough, despite your ongoing concern about his health. Opening the door slowly, you peeked inside before stepping into the room, carrying two bowls of steaming broth between both hands. They were filled with thick white liquid and covered by thin slices of meaty vegetables floating within them. As expected, they smelled delicious too.

Your eyes widened slightly when they fell upon the sight of him lying sprawled across the floor in nothing but his boxers. His skin was pale and clammy, making him look even sicker than normal.

But, there wasn't much time to worry about how bad he looked right now. All that mattered was getting some food down his stomach and getting him back into bed. That way, hopefully he'd start recovering quickly, without wasting any precious energy fighting off whatever illness he might have picked up.

You hurriedly placed the bowls onto the desk beside the bed before rushing over to help him sit upright. Felix's eyelids fluttered open weakly, revealing bloodshot eyes behind their dark circles.

There weren't many traces of sleep remaining in those orbs.

"Ah," Felix croaked quietly, clutching hold of the edge of the mattress with trembling fingers. "Thanks..."

"Don't mention it." You smiled softly, reaching forward to press a kiss against his forehead. "Here, eat this first and it's back to bed for you!"

Felix obediently lifted his hand to accept the spoonful of broth offered by you, taking small sips, until it was all gone. Once the first bowl had been emptied, you handed him another, which he greedily devoured within a few gulps.

"How are you feeling?" You asked gently. "Can I get you anything else? Should we call someone or go see a doctor?"

"No need for that," Felix shook his head, smiling faintly. "It'll pass eventually. Just give me a moment."

His words were reassuring, and you nodded. Even though he seemed weaker today compared to yesterday, you still knew he'd be okay. At least, that's what you hoped for. After finishing off the second bowl of soup, Felix layed back down on the bed, breathing heavily as if struggling to stay conscious.

He coughed several times before speaking again, looking exhausted beyond belief.

"Thanks for bringing these," he murmured drowsily. "They really hit the spot."

"Of course, Lixie." You smiled, leaning closer to place another soft peck atop his cheek. "Take care of yourself, alright?"

Felix gave you a tired nod, closing his eyes and sinking into peaceful slumber. With a smile, you stepped back from the bedside and turned around to leave. Then, just as you reached the doorway…

"W-Wait." Felix spoke quietly, his accent thick with exhaustion. "Do you mind staying here tonight?"

The request came out of nowhere, leaving you startled for a brief moment before responding with a hesitant, "Uh... r-really?"

"Yeah. That'd make things easier," he said simply. "My body feels heavy... I can barely keep my eyes open."

With a deep breath, you once again approached the side of his bed and sat next to him, watching him carefully as he took shallow breaths. He seemed awfully vulnerable lying down there like that.

"Are you sure?" You whispered worriedly.

"Mhm." He replied firmly, reaching out to squeeze your hand lightly. "Please don't leave."

A lump formed in your throat at the sound of his plea.

You couldn't deny how terrible he looked, especially considering how long he hadn't eaten properly. And yet, you also knew he wouldn't ask unless he truly needed you to stay. So, instead of arguing further, you merely nodded silently, squeezing his hand tightly in return.

"Okay then," you murmured softly, gazing down at him with loving eyes.

Hours passed by in silence as you remained seated beside him, holding his hand in yours and stroking his hair occasionally.

The gentle rhythm of his slow, steady breathing lulled you into a pleasant trance, allowing you to forget everything else for a while. Although, you just couldn't sleep. Not because you didn't want to, but rather due to the fact that you eagerly wanted to keep checking on your boyfriend's condition every few minutes.

In return, this only served to prolong the night and drive away any chance of restfulness.

You rose from the chair about twenty minutes later, and began tidying up his room, setting aside his clothes and washing away the stains left behind by his sickness. Afterward, you went ahead and prepared a hot bath for him; something you figured would do him good, given how badly he must've felt otherwise.

"Felix, wake up." You called out softly, rousing him from his slumber.

For a moment, he didn't respond, continuing to lie there with his eyes closed and chest rising gently in short breaths. Eventually though, he opened them, squinting at first before blinking rapidly several times until they finally focused properly once more.

"S-Sorry... I guess fell asleep for a while..." He mumbled sheepishly. "I'm sorry if it's bothering you."

"Don't worry about it," You assured him. "Anyway, I drew a bath for you. It should be ready soon."

As you explained, Felix let out a relieved sigh before sitting upright on the bed, letting you help him get out of it. As he stood, he winced slightly, placing a hand against his stomach, where it throbbed painfully.

"Is your tummy hurting?" You frowned concernedly. "Should I prepare some medicine or something? I have plenty of painkillers around here..."

"Nah, I'll be fine," Felix waved dismissively. "It just hurts a bit still is all... But, thanks anyway."

He gave an embarrassed chuckle, rubbing the back of his head shyly as he began to walk towards the bathroom. You followed closely behind him, pausing briefly when you reach the doorway.

Even so, you stepped inside the steamy room after him nonetheless, taking off your shoes and pulled up your sleeves.

Then, you helped him step into the tub, lowering himself slowly into the steaming water. His face was flushed red from the heat, causing him to appear even paler than usual. Felix's skin looked dry and rough, almost scaly in places, which made you frown deeply.

"How does that feel?" You asked anxiously, glancing over at him curiously. "The water, I mean..."

Felix turned around, giving you a small smile as he reached out and squeezed your hand reassuringly.

"Better now." He chuckled. "Thanks again."

Once he seemed to settle in comfortably, you returned to the entrance of the bathroom and waited patiently for him to finish bathing. A light blush covered your cheeks when his bare back came into view through the glass door, making it hard not to stare openly.

It wasn't like there were many other things worth looking at here anyway; just some towels on hooks along with a few bottles of shampoo and soap sitting on top of one another by the sink. The sight of his toned muscles flexing beneath the clear liquid caused your heart to skip a beat, eliciting a soft moan.

"Hm? Is something wrong?" Felix blinked innocently, looking somewhat confused at your sudden reaction.

"Nothing!" You blushed harder, trying desperately to hide your embarrassment. "Just uh, surprised is all..."

The corner of Felix's mouth twitched upwards as he glanced at you, smirking ever so slightly. He chuckled softly before turning around again, letting out a deep sigh. His shoulders shook lightly under the water while his head tilted back briefly against the wall behind him. Sounds were muffled but still audible enough for you to hear over the of warm water caressing every nook and cranny of his body.

The moment felt strangely intimate, watching this man who had become such an integral part of your life bathe himself... even if he did look rather silly doing it.

"Damnit... I can't reach right there," Felix muttered, shifting uncomfortably under the hot spray that splashed onto his face. "Y/N? Do you mind coming back inside?"

You nodded silently, carefully opening the door once more and stepping into the bathroom. As soon as you closed the glass partition between both rooms, however, Felix spun around quickly. Your eyes widened when you saw his cock standing fully erect now, droplets of water clinging to its tip as they rolled down towards his balls.

Felix looked at you with a questioning gaze before looking away again in embarrassment – only making things worse by letting out another soft groan. You gulped audibly, not knowing how to react or what to do next; all thoughts leaving your head as you stared wide-eyed at him from across the small bathroom.

"Uhm, should I even ask? Or are we just going to stare awkwardly until one of us gets uncomfortable?" You finally managed to mutter after taking a deep breath, averting your gaze slightly so you wouldn't be tempted to keep staring at him.

"Sorry..." He mumbled softly, blushing darkly as he gently pushed his thighs together to hide his erection behind them. "I didn't mean to get hard, honest. It's just... well, my dick is sensitive sometimes."

Your brows furrowed worriedly while you watched him try to cover up his obvious arousal. His words sounded sincere though, which made you feel somewhat better about the situation. Still, something told you that you shouldn't press too much on the matter since he seemed quite embarrassed already.

"... Alrighty then," You sighed lightly, trying to push aside your lingering anxiety. "If you want me to leave, I'll go."

Felix shook his head slowly. "...No, please stay. You don't have to touch it or anything werid like that. I just can't reach my back properly without help, alright?"

His voice was laced with nervousness, but you couldn't deny feeling rather curious. That same curiosity won out in the end, however, because you decided to sit yourself down on a stool placed nearby. Rolling up your sleeves again, you scoot towards the edge of the tub where Felix could easily see you. After getting comfortable, you leaned forward slightly and reached towards his lower back.

"Here goes nothing..." You murmured quietly, gently rubbing soap onto your fingers and beginning to work through the lather. A faint moan escaped Felix' lips at your gentle ministrations, causing you to blush lightly as he shifted underneath you.

"Mmm~?" Felix hummed quietly, tilting his head slightly to the side and smiling bashfully. "That tickles..."

You chuckled softly, shaking your head. "It doesn't hurt, does it?"

He gave a sheepish grin in response. "Not really, no. Just feels good, actually."

You smiled fondly at him, leaning even closer to start working on his shoulders. The muscles were firm beneath your hands, yet surprisingly flexible considering their size. You worked your way downwards, careful to avoid touching his hips due to how slippery they'd gotten from the hot bath. Felix let out a quiet sigh when you began scrubbing the rest of his upper back, rivulets of sweat forming along his spine.

"There we go~" You cooed, washing off the last traces of soap with some more water. "All clean!"

"Thanks," Felix said gratefully, rolling onto his front as he sat upright again.

His chest glimmered faintly in the dim lighting provided by the overhead light above, and the same erection you first noticed earlier peeked out from the gap between his legs.

You swallowed thickly, unable to tear your gaze away from his crotch. Felix smirked shyly, giving you an innocent smile. "So uhm... how exactly do you wash someone else's back anyway? I've never done it myself, but I've always wondered."

"Oh, well..." You trailed off, realizing you weren't sure how to respond to that question.

You could barely focus on talking normally anymore, though. All your attention was focused solely on the sight of his stiff shaft poking out from below him, coated in clear precum. You tried to avert your gaze, but it wasn't easy. Every time you looked over at him, you found yourself being drawn back towards those long, toned limbs of his. And each time you did look at him, you felt your heart skip a beat.

"Hahaha... Sorry for asking such a weird thing." Felix giggled nervously, clearly aware of your growing attraction to him. "I guess I'm trying to lighten the mood here."

"Ah, um..." You stuttered, struggling to find any kind of coherent thought amidst the haze clouding your mind. "N-No, it's fine! I'm actually pretty distracted right now, so... yeah. Lightening the mood sounds nice."

Felix nodded happily, resting his chin against the edge of the tub and grinning brightly. God, this guy had such a cute face, you found yourself thinking idly. One you wanted to kiss very badly, if given half the chance.

"Do you... wanna touch it?" Felix asked suddenly, making you blink in surprise before you realized what he meant. "Just, not directly. Not unless you're okay with that, of course. If you aren't, I understand."

The sudden shift in topic caught you off guard, leaving you momentarily speechless. Your eyes widened, staring intently into Felix' own lustful gaze. You gulped rather heavily, shivering under the weight of his intense stare. It took everything within you not to give in to your desires, but after several seconds passed, you managed to form a reply.

"Y-Yes, I would love to touch it." You whispered huskily, swallowing hard.

A broad smile spread across Felix' features, and he quickly moved past the awkwardness. He moved back against the wall behind him, stretching one leg outwards while keeping himself balanced atop the other knee. This left his groin completely exposed to you, and made it much easier to get close enough to touch.

"Then come here." Felix commanded, gesturing with a hand. "And put your hands on me."

Your cheeks burned red, but you didn't hesitate to comply. Once again, you scooted the chair much closer to where Felix sat, letting him guide you through whatever motions were required for you to reach him.

The moment you got within range, however, you paused, unsure of whether or not you should continue. Felix saw your hesitation, and gave you a reassuring nod. "Go ahead, I don't mind. Just be gentle with my cock; I'm still sick, remember?"

"...Right." You mumbled softly, slowly reaching forward.

Despite all your worries, once you touched him, it became immediately obvious why he'd been aroused like this. His skin was smooth, almost silky in nature. Even just brushing up against it sent pleasant tingles shooting down your spine. His dick stood straight up from his body, its length slightly thicker than average - probably due to the fact that it hadn't fully recovered yet.

You reached out hesitantly, gently cupping his length with both hands. It twitched under your touch, eliciting another soft moan from Felix. He leaned back further, allowing you better access to his shaft. As you began stroking it, you couldn't help but notice the faint scent of sweat mixed with a hint of musk. It wasn't unpleasant, really. In fact, it was rather arousing.

But, when combined with the smell of his own arousal, it somehow made it even harder to keep your thoughts together.

"Mnh..." Felix grunted lowly, leaning his head back against the bathtub. "That feels good... Keep doing that."

You hummed in response, continuing to stroke him as best you could. It only took a few more moments before his breathing grew heavier, and his hips bucked involuntarily. You stopped briefly, surprised by how fast things had progressed.

However, Felix simply grinned playfully at you, prompting you to resume stroking him. After several more minutes, you noticed his cock begin to twitch, signaling the onset of climax.

"A-Are you close?" You gasped, unable to hide your nervousness.

"Yeah, I think so..." Felix panted breathlessly, giving you a wink. "But hold off until then, alright? I want you to do something else for me first."

"O-Okay..." You breathed, nodding. "What is it?"

Felix' grin turned predatory, and you knew exactly what he meant. With that realization came a flood of conflicting emotions: excitement mingled with apprehension. But, you soon pushed those feelings aside. After all, this was about pleasure - yours and Felix'.

So, without further hesitation, you began strip naked, baring every inch of your gorgeous skin for him to see. As you did so, Felix watched silently, seemingly entranced by your actions. When you finished undressing, he smirked at the sight of your nude body before speaking again.

"Are you planning to ride me?" Felix teased lightly, causing you to blush deeply.

"I-If that's what you want," You replied nervously, averting your gaze. "Or... we can just cuddle or something. That works too, right?"

"Whatever makes you happy is fine with me." Felix said cheerfully. "In fact, either way will work just fine."

With that, Felix grabbed your waist roughly, pulling you onto his lap. The water splashed loudly around you both, adding to the already tense atmosphere. For a second, neither of you spoke. Instead, you merely stared into each other's eyes, sharing a brief kiss. When you finally pulled away, you had decided to lower your thighs, allowing Felix to slide himself into place between your spread knees. The tip of his dick prodded delicately against your entrance, teasing you with its presence before slipping inside.

A moment later, the head popped past your innermost ring, causing both of you to gasp audibly.

"H-How does it feel?" Felix whispered breathlessly, gripping tightly onto your shoulders. "Does it hurt too much? Are you still okay with going through with this?"

"It doesn't hurt," You replied honestly, reaching forward and grasping hold of one of his hands. "And yes, I'm fine with continuing. Just take your time, alright?"

"Mmhmm~" Felix hummed contentedly as he continued to thrust slowly within you. "Tell me if you need to stop though, all right?"

Your heart swelled warmly at his concern, knowing that he cared about you enough to worry whether or not you would enjoy having sex with him. Even more so, you found yourself falling deeper and deeper into the throes of lustful pleasure as his shaft moved ever-so-slightly inside of you. Every inch of him felt wonderful; every twitch and throb sent shockwaves of bliss coursing throughout your entire body.

Overcome by the overwhelming sensations, you gripped tighter onto his hand and tilted your head back, moaning softly as you gazed upon the ceiling. You tried to keep your moans quiet, wanting to make sure that no one heard you, but soon gave up on that notion, releasing a throaty cry of ecstasy.

"Shit! Ngh, fuck! F-Faster, Felix! Please, fuck me faster!" You begged desperately, shuddering each time he slammed deep inside of you. "Oh god... fuck!"

A low chuckle rumbled out of Felix' throat, sending shivers running down your spine. "Like this?"

The pace of his thrusts grew even quicker, eliciting another pleasurable squeal from you as he buried himself completely within your pussy. His cock pulsated rapidly against the walls of your vagina, stimulating you just as much as it did him. And yet, despite how good it was feeling, you wanted more – needed something else to come along and drive you insane.

"More," You whimpered urgently, glancing sideways at him. "Please..."

Without giving him a chance to respond, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and tugged on him roughly. As expected, he responded eagerly, pushing himself harder and faster than ever before. It seems the adrenaline rush had taken away his sickly pallor, because now, he looked positively manic.

In fact, if not for all those dark bags under his eyes, he might have been mistaken for an entirely different person altogether.

A man who'd lost control over his body's needs; a madman driven by lust alone. He pounded into you with reckless abandon, going so far beyond what anyone would consider normal that it made you wonder whether or not there were any limits left after such a performance.

"Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! Oh god, yessss! Yes, like that! Harder! Faster! More!" You cried out loudly in response to every single one of his thrusts, unable to keep up with his frantic pace no matter how hard you tried.

The bathroom tub beneath you began to shake violently, splashing water everywhere, but you didn't care about anything other than being fucked senseless right then and there. Not only could you feel yourself getting closer to climax, but also Felix seemed to be reaching some kind of fever pitch too. His hips snapped forward repeatedly, driving deeper than ever before without pause, causing both of you to cry out in surprise.

Then came the moment when everything changed.

Your orgasm hit first, exploding through your entire body almost instantly upon Felix' final stroke. A long line of curses spilled from your lips as pleasure tore through you like wildfire, leaving nothing behind but a lingering warmth where once there had been pure bliss.

"Felix!" You gasped harshly, struggling to catch your breath between moans. "I'm cumming again!"

His own voice sounded strained, raw and deep, which only served to fuel the fire burning inside of you further. "Yeah? Is my good girl ready for her reward?"

You couldn't answer, nor could you do anything besides moan back weakly at his question. But somehow, he understood anyway, and that knowledge sent a thrill shooting straight through you.

"Yeah! Fill me up with it!" You cried desperately into his ear. "Cum all over me!"

He was quick to comply, slamming himself hard against you one last time before burying his face in your neck.

Felix grunted loudly as another wave crashed down on him, this one more powerful than any previous. The hot liquid poured forth onto your breasts, coating them entirely while simultaneously dripping down your stomach until even your thighs were drenched. It wasn't just your pussy either; every inch of skin was coated by the sticky fluid. After he pulled away, the feeling lingered, making your legs tremble slightly.

Eventually, you slumped down heavily onto his chest, exhausted beyond belief. Both of you lay there panting together, letting your bodies recover before moving anywhere else. Although, curiosity got the better of you and you leaned up enough to look him.

"H-how are you feeling?" Felix asked nervously as he looked back at you with wide eyes. You smiled weakly in response but didn't answer right away.

"Tired," You mumbled sleepily. "Very tired."

He chuckled lightly, another string of coughs racking his frame.

After several minutes of rest, however, he finally managed to straighten up and sit upright. With some difficulty, he pulled himself out of your wet folds and slid off the rim of the tub, leaning against the shower curtain rail to catch his breath.

"I'm really sorry. You'll probably get sick too after what we've done here," he said apologetically, gazing at the water droplets dripping from his hair.

You giggled weakly, trying to ignore the fact that you could barely walk. "Don't be silly, Lixie! I don't mind getting ill at all."

His cheeks turned pink when you called him by his nickname, the freckles across his nose standing out sharply under the fluorescent lighting. Well, they weren't really 'pink', per se, but rather an odd shade of redder than usual. In either case, you couldn't help but smile fondly at the sight.

[beomglocks]

mr. choi ; c.sb

summary : your new neighbor comes over to introduce himself.

pairing : dilf neighbor!soobin x (legal)!reader

warnings & other : slight SMUT, dont read if youre uncomfortable with age gaps, sexual tension, noninnocent (?) touching, there’s like one curse, happy valentines day

w/c : 1.7k

after hours of locking yourself in your bedroom you finally decide to come out and grab a snack from the kitchen. you vaguely remember the sound of the doorbell being rung and distinct chatter coming from the living room following but you frankly weren't interested in whoever had arrived.

by now though, the chatter had died down to simple conversation and the occasional obnoxious laugh from your mom specifically. you stretch, walking out of your bedroom and completely forgetting that you had a guest.

you barely even walk past the living room when you see a man sitting on the love seat with a simple black tee shirt and slacks on, his jacket draped over the couch's back. his legs are spread open, strawberry hair messy, and head leaning against his veiny hand, listening to your mom drone on about something your older sibling did in their youth.

"oh," you say out loud. suddenly all eyes are on you and you can't help but shrink at the mans lingering gaze on your body. you're suddenly self conscious about the fact that you're wearing booty shorts and a white shirt that was a bit more on the translucent side, that and the fact that you were wearing no bra.

"oh mr. choi, this is my daughter y/n!"

he doesn't answer right away, subtly dragging his eyes down your body as if undressing you while you stand awkwardly at the entrance of the living room. "hello y/n," he says simply, staring back into your eyes.

your body gets hot and you feel a familiar wetness start to accumulate just above your thighs. the way he said your name just felt so right. his voice seemed gravelly as if he'd been yelling all day and just now had a chance to rest his voice with quiet conversation.

you completely forget your snack already finding something even more satisfying right in front of you.

you sit on the accent chair across from him, eyeing him down just as he did you. he smirks, amused by how completely unsubtle your arousal is.

"mr. choi just moved to our neighborhood and i thought it would be a good idea to introduce ourselves as neighbors," your mom explains. you nod, smiling at him.

"choi soobin," he starts. "i worked at a company in another city but was promoted so i had to move here for the new position. the neighborhood is nice, the people too," he says looking at you. you give him a bright smile, "im glad you like it."

soobin leans back in the chair, eyeing you once more, specifically choosing to linger his gaze on your chest. "so soobin-" his deep chuckle cuts you off and you look at him expectantly.

"im sorry... it's just that since i work at a company im used to people calling me mr. choi or... sir," he says, narrowing his eyes at you. "wow you must be at a high position!" your mom excitedly gapes and you have to wonder what her real intentions were when inviting soobin over.

"im quite respected," he says simply, still looking at you as if he's waiting for something. you give him a coy smile, deciding to tease him a little, "well sir, that's an interesting take away."

he smirks, letting out what seems to be a satisfied sigh. he turns to your mom, "is it alright if i have a glass of wine or something? my throat is a little dry from barking out orders all day."

your mom obligates to his request, attracted to the idea that this man was a hardworking businessman. you knew your mom would go find the most aged wine for him because she liked to show out for guests. especially guests that looked as fine as soobin. you also knew it would take her a while to find said wine, keeping it locked away for special occasions.

"y/n keep our guest company," she told you. you happily accepted that offer. yeah, you’ll keep him company alright.

now that you were alone with soobin you wasted no time in playing into his apparent attraction towards you. you open your legs slightly to lean forward on your hands which were situated between them. you saw his eyes flit down to your breast which were squished together due to your actions.

"so sir," you say innocently as if you aren't giving him a little show. "do you have a wife or children?" he shifts in his seat a bit, widening his legs in the process. you swear you can see a slight bulge in his pants if you squint. oh, so he's big.

he laughs at your question, "i don't have a wife, im divorced and yes i do have a son." your eyes widen only slightly. frankly, the thought of him having a son doesn't bother you in the slightest. you decide to ask him how old his son is for conversation purposes.

he hums lowly, "he's 18....how old are you?" you're surprised your mom hadn't told him your age. she probably thought it wasn't information she deemed was necessary for him to know.

"im legal," you say with a smile. he smiles at that and you swear your pussy twitches. he's so attractive and he's barely done a thing! you stare at his crotch while his leg bounces and you can only shamelessly imagine yourself bouncing on his cock.

you wonder how big is. he looks tall as hell so that gives you some ideas. his legs look to take up almost half his body. god, what would it look like grabbing onto his thighs as he fucks himself into your mouth? you can imagine the tears running down your face and runny nose as you look up at him and he looks down at you with the exact same expression he holds right n-

"that's good to know," his voice cuts through your dirty thoughts. he doesn't even address how you were blatantly staring at his crotch because at this point he doesn't even care. he knows you want him but he'll wait for you to say it. even if you don’t say it today, he knows you’ll say it eventually.

you move your hands and squeeze your legs together. you can already feel yourself dripping at just the thought of this man across from you. he's so close yet so far and the sexual tension is killing you.

you get up from your spot, casually walking up to where he sits. he stares at you curiously wondering what you plan to do. you choose to sit right next to him on the couch. just close enough that if your mom walked through at any moment you could recoil and it wouldn't look suspicious at all.

you don't say a word and you place your hand lightly on his knee, slowly moving it up to his upper thigh. "what are you doing babygirl?"

babygirl? fuck. just the pet name coming from his mouth alone has your breath going shaky. you rub your thighs together in anticipation. "nothing sir," you smile.

his hand is suddenly placed atop of yours and he drags it just above his growing erection. "look at what you're doing baby," he moves his head close your ear.

"you came down here dressed like a little slut, i bet you wanted the attention right?" he asks. "as soon as you saw me you probably couldn't wait to have me fuck the shit out you."

the words he mumbles in your ear have you unconsciously palming his dick through his slacks. "sir.." you whimper. he hums, holding back a moan as you continue palming him at your own accord. his hand is now at your upper thighs slowly inching up.

he placed two of his cold fingers pressing onto your pussy through your shorts. "you're so wet that i can feel it through your shorts. did i do this?" he chuckles, now rubbing up and down slowly. you nod, looking up at him through your lashes. "yes it was all you, sir. all you."

he suddenly pulls away completely from you with a light smile. he also removes your hand from him and leans forward on his knees, his upper body effectively covering his boner. you're confused about his actions and kind of annoyed until you hear your mom call from the hallway, "mr. choi i hope you like this flavor, it's one of my finest!"

"im sure anything you have tastes delicious!" he answers, glancing at you. you shy away from his eyes as your mom walks into the kitchen. since the kitchen is too close to the living room to do anything he whispers to you, "shy now?" he laughs a little bit. "you're too cute y/n."

you wish he'd called you a cute petname right then but you'll take what you can get. he places his hand on your knee and you shiver, remembering his fingers on you just seconds ago.

he removes them once your mom walks into the living room with two glasses of wine, one for him and one for her. they talk for a little while more, and you occasionally chime in but really you're too distracted by soobin. the heat he's radiating is too much to handle plus you're still sitting close enough to see that he's still hard.

it gets late and so the night ends for you three. "my son is probably wondering where i am by now, i should go," he says standing up. your mom agrees and you escort him to the front door while she takes the glasses back to the kitchen.

soobin notices your disappointment at not having finished what you both started on the couch earlier but he leans down to whisper in your ear. his voice sends shivers through your whole body and his hot breath tickles your neck and ear. "don't look so dejected babygirl, this isn't the last time we'll see each other." he kisses your cheek as he ascends back up when your mom meets you both at the door.

"say hello to your son for me! oh and next time bring him over so he can meet y/n," your mom suggests just as he walks out the door. he turns around to look at you both and you can tell he isn't too fond of that idea but he still answers with a polite smile.

"maybe! well i had a nice time maam, i'll be seeing you two around," and with that, he leaves and you simply cannot wait for the next time you'll see mr. choi.

[bookwyrminspiration]

I am in love with all chaosified characters. Actually wait I lowkey wanna see if anyone has chaosified Gethen, was he already Chaos?? I don't know

Anyway I found the chaos Alden post! You can read it here

All I know about Gethen is that his vibes give me long hair, Sophie seems to think that he's the Real Villain™, he's Power hungry, he was bit by a dog and wore spandex, and that he should be very mentally unstable because of lumneria

-Heathen

This fits with everything I know about you as a person. I personally prefer more...logical chaos? That sounds like an oxymoron but I mean like chaos where you can find the thread and see how it all works together, and then it's chaotic and also horrifying because the chaos is so much bigger than you and you can see a part of it making sense and it's suddenly not so different from you.

Also I don't think anyone has chaosified Gethen! He's not been very present in the story so he mostly slips under the radar, but he could be important later. He isn't really chaos right now, but I'm certain that won't stop you. Right now i don't remember his hair length, but he was bit by a dog and dressed like a jogger. As for the mental stability...well really it's anyone's guess we haven't seen him in a while--hence Sophie being like hmmm we should pay attention to him. He's one of the people we have a name for but don't know the motive of. Like Trix.

I'm gonna put my response to the linked Alden post under a cut because it got long!!

But now back to the Alden thing! Reading through that whole post was a little oaigoin because so much of it just is not convincing to me. I won't comment on all of the points but:

there's the mention on the search for Sophie, which I've discussed before. It's for the plot and also relates to his personal guilt over the situation because he feels bad for what he's done and wants it to be worth it, I don't think it's because he's trying to manipulate her or steal her from the Black Swan or anything

Both Alden and Della believed the best of Alvar because he's their son and they saw him through rose colored glasses. And they came to accept later that they were wrong to believe in him. Alden never wanted to believe he was a monster, and that's reasonable. No one wants that for their family! It's an understandable thing to deny and I don't think it's indicative of Alden being secretly evil.

Yes Alden had a relationship with Alina at one point--which he ended specifically because they weren't a good fit for each other. A past relationship with someone now unpleasant doesn't make him suspicious. And I don't think a theory about Fitz being a beguiler or Alden having an affair could make him a traitor. If it was a conscious choice on his part it reflects badly on him as a person, but it doesn't necessarily make him a traitor

He wasn't searching for Sophie under orders, he was defying the council because the council told him to dismiss it but he thought they were ignoring something important (they were). He did it because he thought it was right and also because of guilt, not to be evil

Nobody could light leap into Everglen because they were a security suggestion from Luzia, possibly to make it seem more normal when she added the same gates to her home to hide the troll hive. they weren't Alden's idea. It is mentioned by Sophie several times that it's weird he has them, I concede. But the gates have now been taken down, so there's also that

Honestly i think he hasn't been outright attacked because he's a side character. He's not important enough to the main plot, despite being important in the elven world. Attacks against him are against reputation of his family, which matches more with their presence in the elven world.

Della specifically told us why he didn't join the Black Swan in Neverseen. He wanted to, but they both decided that he would be more useful if he continued working for the council--same as when Grady resigned from the nobility in Everblaze and Alden was willing to do the same but they both decided it was better for him to stay as someone on the inside. And we hardly see him since then, so it hasn't been revisited. But he's said he's proud of his family for being in the Black Swan, and I think he'd decide to join if given another chance now that they're working more closely with the council. We could also ask why Grady and Edaline aren't in the Black Swan either (as far as I can remember), as Sophie--the moonlark--is their daughter and they're involved in a lot.

Just because he would be useful to the Neverseen doesn't make it more likely to happen.

Alden didn't perform the mind break (Quinlin did), but he was the one to go after him and accuse him and testify against him, which was a legitimate thing to do! Alden believed that Prentice was a traitor and danger to the elven world and as such it was his duty to protect their world from him. Prentice was given several chances to prevent the mind break via sharing his secrets, and Alden was only following the law trying to keep their world safe. He didn't know what Prentice was standing for or the deeper meaning of it all, he was trying to protect their world. Also! There's the whole thing about Alden feeling so guilty over the situation and what he'd done that his mind shattered from guilt! He clearly regrets it now that he knows what it was really about.

I know the concept is super appealing to a lot of people but it really feels like we're grasping at straws trying to justify things. There are some good points and questions, like why he was denied a spyball and why the council wanted Della to keep an eye on him. But the arguments so far really don't feel convincing to me.

There's already a traitor in the Vacker family, Alden almost entirely serves purposes to move the plot forward, and has repeatedly aligned himself with the Black Swan since discovering their true motivations and beliefs. it's taken him some time to come around to, but that is entirely normal! that's how people work

everyone is of course still welcome to think of him differently and continue to try and put clues together, but I am going to need a lot more convincing, solid points before I start to seriously consider him in a different light

[ashendalia]

Thinking about how post-PLA when Nora and Ingo reunite and decide to start over because it's not the same time and place as before and Nora doesn't think it's right to just pick up where they were feelings-wise because they are the same people as back then

Ingo agrees to their decision so they start going out like they've just met, and for the most part it goes along great(mostly because they are still familiar with how each other, but they don't admit it). Nora is somewhat self-conscious that they aren't good enough because of the Subway Boss's popularity, while they're still an up and coming coordinator and people recognize their Pokemon more than them

It gets to a point where Nora thinks about leaving, like they did once in the past, because they start becoming convinced they're just holding him down. Ingo absolutely notices and starts checking on Nora more often and making more time to spend with them, because he knows Nora is having some sort of bad thoughts that they won't talk about and he knows trying to pry just makes them shut him out more

One day Ingo comes over to pick up Nora for a date, but when he knocks he hears sudden panicking inside before the door slightly opens and Nora peeks out looking ashamed, embarrassed, and clearly not ready at all. They sheepishly let him and almost immediately start crying and apologizing for forgetting, causing Ingo to start to panic and try to calm them down until he ends up grabbing them into a hug and tell them it's okay while they continue to sob

After Nora finally calms down, they sit on the couch and Ingo asks them what's wrong or what happened to cause them so much stress lately. They immediately start dumping out their feelings about not being good enough and how he doesn't have to keep seeing them because there's nothing special about them and that's there's plenty of better people ou-

And then Ingo suddenly stops them, understanding what was wrong now. He makes it very clear that he keeps going out with them because he genuinely enjoys being with them, that they are a wonderful person and absolutely are good enough, and how happy he is with them and no one else could replace them

He tells them "I know you might think you being here with me might make my life worse, but I promise you that it would actually be worse if you weren't here." And Nora immediately starts crying again because they remember that he told them something similar way back then, and he holds them again until they're calmed down again

Ingo then remarks about when they decided to start over because they were supposedly completely different people, but he doesn't feel like Nora really was that different from before other than them being happy more often, which made him happy to see. Seeing that the remark got a small smile out of Nora now relieves him and he asks if they still want to go out, and they answer they do and go off to get cleaned up quickly

Ingo ends up having to change the plan for the night and Nora apologizes for ruining it, but he assures them that everything is alright and they could just do that plan any other time they felt like it. They don't do anything too exciting, just find a local place to eat and then wander around the city for a while, and finally end with the ferris wheel because Ingo had noticed Nora looking over at it from time to time

[magnoliabloomfield]

Possession Ch5

It was the middle of a balmy night when she dreamed for the first time. Somehow she knew she was in the maze they had told her about, running around corners and breathing hard. She was scared, scared of something coming after her, forcing her to move fast and hope she found a way out. The walls were so high, covered with ivy and words, she couldn't read them but she knew she saw letters on the stones. She heard a roar behind her and she glanced back before turning the nearest corner. She was brought to a dead stop by two strong hands grasping her arms. She looked up into the face of that one boy.

"Nikola, what's wrong?" he asked her, his worried eyes staring her down intently as he held on to her.

She bolted upright in bed, a cold sweat on her forehead and breathing heavily. Her brain kept repeating the name over and over until she was certain it really was hers. Nikola. And then as her breathing slowed and she eased herself back down on her cot she was left to wonder about the boy, how it was that her name came to her from him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Gally was up with the sun despite his poor sleeping. He saw her ladder was still rolled up so she wasn't awake yet. Or, at least, she hadn't come down yet. He almost called up to her to check, but realized he didn't know her name, so what exactly would he say? And what if he woke her up and she was upset? No, he couldn't do that. So he got to work on what he could down below the Princess's tower until she awoke.

He had gotten the blinds figure out and was finishing them up by the time she stepped out. He hadn't noticed how much time had passed and how bustling the glade was because he'd been so absorbed in his work. It was wonderful not to think about her or anything as he worked, but that time was over.

"Hey," she greeted him with dark circles under her eyes. "Sorry I'm... late, I guess? I didn't sleep very well and-"

"Was there something wrong?" he interrupted her, turning on his stool at his work table and causing her eyes to meet his. They weren't dull and guarded yet again and he was taken aback by it just as before.

"No, not with the house or anything like that, just... bad dreams?" she shrugged and looked at him again, really taking in his face this time and he felt self conscious under her gaze. "Well, not really bad, some was bad, some was weird, I don't know. I'm just sorry I wasn't up when you were to help."

Gally would have chewed out any other greenie, in fact he felt the urge in the back of his throat, but something stronger held him back. "Don't worry about it, I know about bad dreams," he found himself saying. He'd never said a thing about his own bad dreams to anyone ever, and here he was spewing it now. With her.

She nodded, pressing her lips together sheepishly. "And it's not like everyone has an alarm clock around here, right?"

"Well, actually they send up wrist watches for the runners and there are some extras. I could get you one if you wanted," Why did he say that? He fiddled with a pen on his table as he waited for her response.

"Oh really?" she asked, her brows going up a little. "Well, if it's for the runners I probably shouldn't take one."

"My ears are burning!" Minho called out as he jogged up with a smile. "Someone's talking about runners?"

Gally's shoulders drooped a little at his interruption. "I was telling her the runners got watches if she wanted one."

"Oh yeah, we can make an exception for you, for sure," Minho nodded with his hands on his hips.

New thoughts, troubling thoughts were suddenly swirling in Gally's mind, things he never thought before and would have loved to keep it that way. But there he was, wondering if she would consider Minho attractive or not. Before a girl arrived no one had to wonder or care how they looked but now that was a thing of the past.

"You know what, I'm going that way anyway and can get a new one, so why don't you just take mine," Minho offered, already taking his watch off.

"Oh, you don't have to do that," she tried to tell him, but Gally saw that monotone personality over take her again as she spoke to him. "I don't want to be more trouble."

"No trouble at all," Minho assured her with a bright smile as he held the watch out to her.

"Alright, well, I appreciate it," she thanked him as she put out her hand, his fingers skimming her palm as he placed it there.

Gally felt a strange twinge inside when he realized that was probably the first time she was touched by someone, and it seemed upsetting that it was Minho.

"So, what can I do to help now?" she asked Gally after Minho had said his goodbyes and jogged off to do his own work for the day.

"You should go have breakfast first," Gally nodded toward the kitchen. "No rush on the work today."

"Ok," she nodded as she looked at the kitchen but her feet didn't move. "Do you mind if I ask you something?" She asked as she looked down at the toe of the shoe she was grinding in the dirt.

Gally set down his pen and clasped his hands between his knees as he leaned forward a little, giving her all of his attention.

"Do the boys here figure their names out in dreams?" she asked, her eyes finally looked up at him with open curiosity.

Gally tried to think of anyone he knew for sure got their name that way and drew a blank. But he wasn't exactly the first one people ran to to share things with. He shrugged. "I'm sure some of them have. Why?" He asked, hoping he'd get to find hers out.

"And does anyone ever recognize someone else, like they knew them before?" she went on, not looking at him that time.

Gally was beyond curious now. "No, no one remembers anything from before, just a name. Did you remember your name? Do you recognize someone?" he asked as he stood up, looking down at her searchingly.

She didn't take a step back even though he was towering over her, he tried to ease back in case he frightened her, but she seemed unfazed, at least for a moment. Then she averted her eyes as a shade of pink blossomed on her cheeks. "I dreamed that someone called my name," she admitted.

Gally breathed in. "So what's your name?" he asked and felt embarrassed by the excitement that laced his voice.

"If the dream was right, it's Nikola," she admitted.

Nikola. Yes, it was perfect. She was a Nikola from the top of her head to the soles of her feet, it was the perfect name for her.

He wasn't sure what he should actually say out loud to that however, so he just nodded. "Well, Nikola is a nice name, better than 'Gally' for sure. I think you should go with it," that's what he decided to say out loud? The curse of a girl in the glade was poisoning even him.

"Thanks," the corner of her mouth went up a little in what could have been a smile- a smile from her. That had to be a first, and not only that but he was the first one she told her name to. He was the first one to know the first girl's name. What a crazy day.

"So, who was it in your dream that called your name?" he asked, his brows furrowing a little, wondering who it could be with the same twinge he felt when Minho's fingers brushed her palm.

"I, uh, I can't really remember that part. It was just a feeling, you know? Sometimes in dreams you just know some things," she said, fidgeting a little and seemingly avoiding his gaze.

Soon after that conversation she went off to get breakfast and Gally was left with three thoughts. She was telling the truth, which was the most boring thought. She was lying but didn't want to admit who it was, which he thought was most likely and he couldn't stop wondering who it could be. But the third that paced in the back of his mind like a lion in a cage was that she was lying.... because it was him.

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's hard to find cute Genius Female names so I'm just going to keep recycling Nikola I think. And I'm not using 'Y/N' because everyone in the glade has a fake name anyway so I don't think it's a big deal.

@gladerscake @poulterholland @crazysheeplyca @thesuitkovian @quackquackbi @anniemylennox @poulterjonas @neilox @carp3d1em @cottoncandy-dreamxd

[nakachuchu]

Gravitate | Bokuto Kotaro + Akaashi Keiji

SYNOPSIS: You're annoyed Akaashi is smarter than you and confused at the man hiding in a cabinet.

READER: gender neutral

WORDS: 2670

WRITTEN: 03/11/2021

NOTES: @babierin suggested enemies to lovers in general, but that's the one trope I don't like but I ended up coming up with this and it's the longest thing I've ever written on Tumblr as of today. If you squint, the way they get together is totally realistic lol

You did your best in your studies in order to get good grades. Your parents drilled it into your head that if you got terrible grades, you'd end up homeless.

Even though you were now a teenager and knew that they were exaggerating, it was still a possibility, so you continued to study hard.

You didn't have to be ranked number one at Fukurōdani, but having a goal kept you occupied, even though it messed with your mental health and sleep schedule.

Another factor that messed with you getting number one was Akaashi Keiji. He was smart and the two of you often switched between first and second place.

It annoyed you. It made you feel inferior—as if your hard work had been for nothing. But because you were a sensible person, you were sure he was working hard for number one as well, but you wanted to be first.

Fukurōdani sent out monthly scores of each subject, and you usually ranked first in math and science, while Akaashi usually beat you in English and history.

You occasionally stayed after school to study since being at home with your parents hovering around you stressed you out.

Akaashi was usually on your mind. He was attractive, yes, and on top of being smart, he was an athlete. It made you feel even more inferior because you weren't an athlete. You didn't have anything rigorous that took up your time after school and on weekends. All you did was study.

You sighed as you walked into the science room to finish up a lab alone. You wanted everything to be precise, so when it came to labs, you were always the last person to turn the paper and data in.

Your teacher entrusted you with his classroom since he knew what a good and trustworthy student you were. Plus, the janitor was on campus in case anything happened.

You walked to the sink to wash your hands. Once you were finished, you looked around for something to dry your hands with.

You didn't see any paper towels or clean rags so you bent down to the cabinet underneath the sink and opened it.

"WHAT THE F—"

You fell onto your butt at the person hiding inside the cabinet. He looked at you, equally as shocked and frightened.

"Bo-Bokuto? What are you doing in there?" you asked.

He was your classmate in math and was in your year, so you knew him. Plus, he was often the talk of the school because of the volleyball team and girls having an interest in him.

He sniffled. "Nothing."

"How did you even fit in there?" you asked. "Are you stuck? Should I get help? What about Akaashi?"

You weren't an idiot. You knew Bokuto rarely went anywhere without his best friend, and to see either one without the other was very rare.

Bokuto pouted and shoved his face between his knees, ignoring your question.

You sat on the floor, blinking and waiting for an answer. He clearly didn't want to talk, so you were forced to move past it.

"Are there any paper towels in there?" you asked.

He reached behind him, angling his arm at what looked like an uncomfortable position, and grabbed a paper roll for you.

You took it from his hands and got up from the floor to wash your hands again, then dried them.

"Um—thank you," you said as you leaned your body to the side to peer into the dark cabinet. "Should I... Should I close it?"

He shook his head between his knees, so you left the door open for him and put your goggles on, occasionally checking on him while you finished up your lab.

He was supposed to be in practice at this time, so you were fairly certain that something must have happened during practice since he wasn't wearing his uniform, instead opting for loose clothes.

Once you were finished and began to throw away the materials in the correct bins and clean the tubes and table, you could hear Bokuto bumping into the cabinet as he wrangled his body out.

You waited for him to crawl out of the cabinet before walking to the sink to wash your hands and dry them.

"Are you feeling better?" you asked.

He nodded.

You had never seen him so quiet before. It was a bit unsettling and you weren't the type of person to leave someone alone when they were upset.

"Um—Are you thirsty? I can get you something." When he didn't answer, you added, "Or we could go together? I'm done with my lab here anyway."

He nodded and you grabbed your school bag, freezing for a moment when he grabbed the hem of your sweater. You quickly shook off your shock and continued walking, allowing him to hold onto your sweater.

You led him to a vending machine outside and got water for him since you weren't sure what he liked and that was the safest option.

The two of you sat on a bench outside, enjoying the cool air. He opened the water and drank from it while you held a can of warm coffee as a hand-warmer.

"Don't you have to go back to practice?"

He pouted.

"Right. What made you so upset?"

"Akaashi," he mumbled.

You let out a sigh of relief. That was the first thing he said to you since you found him in the cabinet.

"Did he do something?"

"He yelled at me."

You didn't see Akaashi as the type to yell at someone. He was usually very calm, so Bokuto must have done something.

"How come?" you asked.

"He said I was being too loud—that I was annoying."

"Did he apologize?"

"I ran away," said Bokuto.

"Well, maybe if you go back now, he'll apologize and the two of you can make up. I don't mean for this to be rude, but it's odd when you two aren't together. You guys are best friends, right?"

He nodded and took in a deep breath. "You're right, Y/N! I'll go back now. Thanks!"

He had a bright smile on his face, completely contrasting with his sullen expression a few seconds ago. He quickly got up from the bench and ran away with the water, leaving you alone on the bench with a warm can of coffee between your hands. You stared after him in confusion.

"How'd he know my name?" you mumbled.

He never once interacted with you before and you didn't introduce yourself to him, so he couldn't have known your name. You were supposed to be a background character to him.

The next day during break, you were reviewing the notes you took in class when a loud voice called out for you.

"Y/N!"

You looked up, startled, to see Bokuto waving to you through the door. You glanced around and slowly waved at him. He beckoned for you to come over, so you did.

Once you were by the threshold, you noticed Akaashi was there. The two of you locked eyes before you averted them to look at Bokuto instead.

You felt self-conscious with how much taller the two of them were and how good they looked in their school uniforms.

"Did you need something?" you asked.

Bokuto grinned. "I wanted to say thanks for yesterday."

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm guessing you two made up."

"Yeah!"

Akaashi nodded and held out a can of coffee to you. You glanced at him and took it from his hand, noticing his slender fingers.

"Bokuto noticed you got this brand yesterday," said Akaashi.

You mainly got it as a hand-warmer, but you didn't mind drinking coffee.

"Thank you," you said. "You didn't have to."

"He told me you took care of him, so it's the least we could do," Akaashi explained.

You nodded. "Right. Is that all?"

Bokuto and Akaashi glanced at each other before leaning in. Your eyes darted between the two, noticing how close they were to you.

"Bokuto likes you a lot," said Akaashi.

"Huh?"

"You're really pretty, Y/N," said Bokuto with a grin. "Come to rooftop during lunch. We'll be there!"

Akaashi leaned away and tugged on his sleeve to give you some space. Bokuto leaned away from you after smiling at Akaashi.

"If you don't, it's fine, but Bokuto will be sad if you don't," said Akaashi. "Let's go. Class is starting soon.

"Okay, okay. See you later, Y/N!" Bokuto exclaimed as he walked after Akaashi.

You blinked after the two, heart racing and completely confused.

Class seemed to pass by slowly today. You usually forced yourself to listen to the teacher in order to take notes, but Bokuto's confession was taking up your mind.

When class was over, you quietly took your time going up to the rooftop. You didn't want to first and have to wait for them. Plus, you were so nervous, your legs wouldn't properly move and you had to stop walking on the stairs for a minute to calm your heart.

The door to the rooftop creaked open and you poked your head out to see if they were there. Your heart beat rapidly as Bokuto and Akaashi turned to look at you.

You opened the door further and walked onto the rooftop. You twiddled your thumbs together behind your back as you approached them.

"Hi," you said.

Bokuto grinned. "Hi, Y/N!"

"He wants to date you," said Akaashi. "I don't mind either."

"You don't mind?" you questioned. "I'm sorry. I mean, I just met you two officially. I'm not the type of person to easily date someone, or date in general, actually."

Bokuto looked down at Akaashi and the two had a silent conversation with each other.

"All right!" Bokuto exclaimed, making you flinch in surprise.

He wrapped an arm around Akaashi's shoulders and guided his head to rest on his chest. Akaashi didn't seem to mind as he stared at you.

"Keiji and I are dating," he said.

"H-Huh? Congratulations? What does this have to do with me?"

"We're an open relationship and we both like you," Akaashi explained.

"Both like? You both like me?" you asked. You guys aren't wasting my time, right? This isn't a joke? Because I could be studying right now."

Akaashi chuckled. "I could be too."

You puffed out your cheeks, just now remembering that he was your rival. It was hard to dislike him when he was so attractive and respectful.

"I'll think about it," you said. "This isn't exactly normal for me."

"Don't tell anyone we're dating. We told you because we trust you," said Akaashi.

You nodded. "My lips are sealed. I'm going to go back to my classroom now."

"We'll walk you!" Bokuto exclaimed, sliding his arm off Akaashi to walk over to you.

You had to tilt your head up the closer he got to you. You weren't sure if the two of them walking with you was such a good idea because of how much attention they got.

"Don't bother her," Akaashi scolded, making Bokuto pout. "We'll see you later, Y/N."

You nodded and bowed to them before scurrying away. You wished you didn't glance over your shoulder as the door closed. The sight of the two men kissing was something that would keep you up at night.

Neither Akaashi or Bokuto bothered you in the following week. You appreciated that since studying and retaining information was difficult because of them.

You found yourself thinking about the kiss they shared on the rooftop whenever you took a break from studying. You had to keep your mind occupied so that you wouldn't think about it.

Currently, you were in science class—the very same room where Bokuto hid in a cabinet. The class was almost over and everyone was cleaning up their materials.

"Y/N."

You looked up from washing your hands to see Akaashi. You swore this cabinet and sink was haunting you.

"You're smart."

"Thank you," you replied.

"Care to study with me after school? I don't have practice."

"Oh, yeah, sure."

You were certain there wasn't a catch. He seemed like a gentleman and was always there to reign Bokuto back.

"My house is close to the school, so we can walk there together," he said.

"Sounds good."

He briefly smiled at you before moving past you to wash his hands.

Your heart was beating fast for no reason. It was just studying. At least, you hoped it was.

He waited for you by the entrance of the school after school and the two of you walked together to his house.

His room was exceptionally clean for a boy, but it made sense to you. He pulled out a table from under his bed and extended it.

"Could you help me with math? I can quiz you on history," he said.

The fact that he knew which subjects you didn't rank first in made you want to hit him, even though he didn't do anything wrong.

You nodded, and the two of you sat down, taking out your notebooks and supplies.

Studying with Akaashi was quite enjoyable. He made things easy to understand but didn't treat you like you were inferior. In return, you did your best to explain math both verbally and visually.

"I hope you're considering our offer seriously," said Akaashi, interrupting your train of thought.

You played with the pencil in your hand. "I am. Kind of. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around. Neither of you ever talked to me to know me well."

"That's true, but just because we never talked to you, doesn't mean we never talked about you," he retorted. "I talked about you a lot to Bokuto."

"What'd you say?"

"How I'm never ranked first in math or science because of you. It was irksome, but because of that, I started paying more attention to you. Bokuto noticed and got a bid pouty, but then started to notice you too. You're really pretty and noticeable, Y/N. You just don't notice it. You'd always pass by us during breaks and our eyes naturally gravitated to you. You never even spared us a glance."

"Oh. Sorry," you mumbled. "I'm usually thinking about whatever I just learned."

"I know. You never watch where you're going because of that. We once saw you run into a door."

You winced. "You saw that? That's so embarrassing."

"It was cute. So, about our offer..."

He looked so serious now that you couldn't look away from him despite your fast heartbeat and flushed face.

"I've never dated someone before, let alone two people at the same time, but I'm willing to try. I think you two are...interesting. Besides, I thought about you a lot too. You're my rival, after all."

You did think about Akaashi a lot. He was always on your mind, even though it was mainly about how smart he was and how he always bested you.

"What about me?"

The closet door slid open and you let out a scream when Bokuto's body came wiggling out.

"Sorry, he thought it was unfair I got you all to myself," said Akaashi with an apologetic expression.

"Do you like me too?" Bokuto questioned as he walked over to you and knelt in front of you, placing his face into his hands.

"Well, yeah, I guess so. You're cute like a puppy," you answered.

He grinned. "You're cute too!"

You squealed as he tackled you to the floor, wrapping his arms around you for a tight hug. Akaashi wrapped his hand around the table, making sure you didn't hit your head on the edge. Bokuto had a similar idea as he placed his hand on the back of your head so that wouldn't hit the floor.

Akaashi smiled. "I'll get some drinks and snacks."

"You're going to leave me here?" you called out as Bokuto nuzzled his cheek against yours.

"You'll have to get used to it, Y/N. Kotaro's a touchy person."

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐗 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 .

whatever’s happening between you and hajime , tooru is not having any of it .

word count : 1.7k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀the moment you walked into the classroom, tooru felt his chest compress with the sight of you and hajime attached to each other by the hip. everything about what he saw was wrong, in every single aspect of the word. it sickened him down to the stomach. digust could never fully cover the monstrosity he witnessed.

⠀what the living hell was his girlfriend doing with his best friend, of all people?

⠀dare he even call iwaizumi his best friend at this point? friends, even?

⠀he wanted to go up to you and greet you, to ask about your being and if there was anything you needed. that's what a good boyfriend would do, right? then again, a good boyfriend wouldn't treat you like shit. nor would a good boyfriend blame you for things you had nothing to do with.

⠀and a good boyfriend certainly wouldn't tell you to fuck off, leading up to a car crash that would most likely ruin him for the rest of the year.

⠀"oikawa, are you not going to say anything to y/n?"

⠀shook from his thoughts at the mention of your name, tooru winced as he eyed the individuals around his desk. they all had the same face; angry, disgusted scowls meant for only him. he deserved it, he really did; he had purposely turned his head to the window the moment you walked in. he wanted to keep his gaze outside too, if not for these people around him.

⠀shrugging slightly as he looked up at his unwanted company, he spotted you standing idly at your designated desk. turning his vision slightly to the right, there was iwaizumi, paging you over and over again, but you weren't listening.

⠀no, your eyes were completely on his.

⠀his heart skipped a beat as your eyes focused on him and him alone, a million thoughts ran through his head like a marathon as he tried to understand why you were looking at him, and why you were looking at him so... curiously. did you know? did you remember everything? how much did hajime really tell you? it didn't take an idiot to know he had been spending the most time with you, so there was no guessing of what he's informed you of. as far as tooru knew, he'd already told you of how shitty of a boyfriend he was, and that he'd never be worth your time again.

⠀but if that were the case, you wouldn't have looked over at him so fondly. just one second of shared eye contact was enough to brand the image of you in oikawa's head for the rest of the day, leaving him to ponder on what he should do about you, and how to make his own life less miserable than what he had already bestowed upon himself. part of him wanted to give up, to accept that he was a complete asshole unworthy of redemption.

⠀and he would've accepted it too,

⠀if hajime iwaizumi wasn't in the picture.

⠀something about the way he looked so perfect, so delighted, so content with being right next to you, at your beck and call - it was disgusting. truely, utterly humilating. the way hajime was so quick to answer to your every need; tooru noticed it all day, the way iwaizumi came to your rescue every time you needed anything. directions, assistance with assignments, even remembering names. whatever your problem was, iwa had the solution. and it sickened tooru down to the pits of his stomach.

⠀it's as if he wanted to replace oikawa as your boyfriend.

⠀he ignored it in the past, whenever he heard rumors about the ace's crush on you. makki and mattsun would constantly tease iwaizumi about it, but would stop whenever the captain enter the room. there were only a couple of times where the brunet had fully listened in to a couple of conversations, but he never thought anything of it in the past. why should oikawa care if iwa had a crush on his girlfriend? tooru knew you were completely smitten over him, so there was nothing he had to be self-conscious about.

⠀looking at the two of you now, ignoring iwa's growing feelings for you added to his list of never-ending regrets.

⠀seeing how his best friend was able to sweep you away from him so easily, it scared tooru, to say the least. had he been planning this for a while? was he always eyeing for the day you and him would finally call it quits? tooru remembered vividly how quickly iwaizumi was to act upon you running out of the gym that dreadful day, and how he himself was frozen in nothing more than confusion. his first assumption was that you were running home, since you didn't live too far from seijoh.

⠀of course, that assumption ran clear down the drain the moment iwa returned with you bleeding out in his arms. tooru didn't know where you were bleeding from - most likely the head, assuming it was a car accident. you were fluttering in and out of consciousness, which scared oikawa back into reality.

⠀you were dying in iwaizumi's arms.

⠀he... he's your boyfriend, so he has every right to see if you're okay, right?

⠀so why the fuck won't iwaizumi let him near you?

⠀who gave him the right to tell him to stay away from you? no, he should be the one staying away from you, you were oikawa's girlfriend. his significant other. not iwaizumi's.

⠀yet, he was the one treating you the way a real boyfriend should.

⠀tooru was left alone at school again after another long day, his thoughts in a scramble as he walked around the halls to think. he considered walking into the gym, but he hadn't touched a single volleyball in weeks. did he even deserve to pick up a volleyball again? it was the sport that drove him into an angry frenzy, unleashing a chain reaction leading to your accident. it was by chance you got by with just a concussion and amnesia; it could've been much, much worse - worst being you dying. and it would've been your own boyfriend's fault.

⠀tooru turned the corner to bump into none other than hajime himself, who seemed to be in a hurry before laying eyes on his former captain. the two males stood in front of each other in silence, the tension grew heavy in the air. oikawa didn't want to be in his presence, nor did iwaizumi want to be in his presence. their lips were sealed, there wasn't anything that needed to be said between them.

⠀"hajime? where are you?"

⠀tooru's posture stiffened at your voice, his eyes immediately wandering to spot your whereabouts. why were you still here? why were both of you still here?

⠀"y/n..." his decision made, tooru was going to find you. even with iwaizumi here, that shouldn't stop him. as aggressive as iwa was sometimes, oikawa wasn't really scared of him. if he was going to talk to you, then he damn well was going to talk to you. and the things you deserved to hear from him were endless. "i'm going to talk to y/n, iwa-chan." he spat out the nickname, one usually addressed out of endearment, like venom. it threw the other off guard, but not long enough for tooru to walk past him.

⠀"no, you're not going to."

⠀"excuse me? get out of my way, let me go see-"

⠀oikawa grunted as he felt iwa grab him by the blazer, slamming him against a locker with animalistic ferocity. he had never seen hajime so pissed off as he was now, his teeth visibly clenched together as he glared at his fellow third year. "no, you're not," he hissed, his fists clenching around the fabric even tighter to make sure tooru couldn't escape. "you're not fucking stepping near y/n today, tomorrow, or ever. you don't deserve to see her again, so do her a favor and stay out of her life. got it, shittykawa?"

⠀seeing how oikawa was helpless in his hold, iwaizumi waited for him to reply before letting him go. seeing how tooru decided it was better off remaining silent, all he really could do was let go anyway; you had just turned the same corner and came face to face with both boys.

⠀"hajime? what are you doing?"

⠀his name sounded horrible in your mouth. tooru felt sick as iwaizumi backed up and shrugged, faking a chuckle before focusing his attention on you again. "ah, y/n. nothing to worry about, just a small disagreement is all. have you finished collecting your homework yet? i'll take you home if you are, just meet me outside."

⠀"yeah, i'll go now." you nodded, but not before looking at oikawa once more. tooru wasn't even sure how to react, only sufficing with a half-hearted smile and a wave.

⠀"you're... oikawa, right?"

⠀his heart cracked in two when his surname escaped your lips. having been used to being addressed as tooru for so long, he should've never taken advantage of it. even so, all he could do in this present moment was bite his tongue to hold back from crying in front of the two of them. "yeah... yeah, that's me. glad to know you're alright... y/n."

⠀"thank you." unsure of how else to continue the conversation, you turned around and left, not wanting to pry into their conversation.

⠀iwaizumi waited until you turned the corner to face the other male once more, his facade for you completely gone. there he was back with his angry snarl, pointing a finger at him menacingly. "i'm warning you," he seethed, "stay away from y/n. you'll just make her life a living hell again, and i won't let you ruin her life twice."

⠀tooru hadn't even gotten a chance to reply before hajime turned the corner they originally bumped into, following your footsteps to walk you home, as promised. tooru couldn't process what had just happened, his brain not able to understand that iwazumi was going to take you home. that he was going to help you with homework.

⠀that he was going to be by your side everyday.

⠀no, fuck that. he couldn't let that happen.

⠀one way or another, tooru will prove to you that he can be the boyfriend you deserve, even with iwa as a thorn in his side.

⠀"fuck you, iwaizumi. i am worthy of redemption. i'll prove you wrong, just you wait."

a / n : and how exactly is tooru going to prove that he’s worthy of redemption? well... that’s for another chapter ;) n e ways ! some of y’all have heard of me beginning an iwaizumi smau , and that’s correct ! keeping it secret though , but expect the masterlist soon :>

taglist : @ot127 @rena0921 @karlitabi-rrito @psychicpercyjacksonfan @crescentbitch @amelimiles @damnirina @pasta-warlord @blossomingbangtan @clinomanians @i-am-kinda-in-a-lot-of-fandoms @manq-fandoms @citruss @sugar-wara @haikoo @anime-simp @kairostatue @awkwardspontaneity @iwantapoptartqwq @aquariarose @softestdreamer @plantisnotplant @avylee @froppysgirl @that-animebitch @wisepandaslimeland @samanthaa-leanne @dumplingzumispam @0hakaashi @captain-janeway @afterglowkuroo @bellabelieveme @attixca @chickenrest @tycrackculture @ynjimenez @lissa-writes-and-does-matchups @lavieenblancetnoir @dabilove27 @cuddleslut @crypto-s @keigosbitch @readeretal @shittykawaa @donghyuckster @adriloen @ella-solei @emiyummy

closed ;

[kaito-is-baby]

Shoto Todoroki x Reader

A little bit of help part 2

Part 1 (you can actually read it without the first part and I'm pretty sure you will understand it anyways, it's just a fluffy scenario )

I wrote this late at night so it's probably... really bad lmao

You were dizzy... extremely dizzy

Your sight started to become filled with little black points until there was nothing but darkness

And you felt how your body was trembling

But you could still hear Todoroki's voice

"Come on Y/N! You can do this! We both know it!" His tone was still as relaxed and monotonous as always but his voice was louder than you have ever heard

He was cheering for you

And not only cheering for you, he was doing it in front of his father

If he allowed himself to call his atention even knowing he would no longer be able to avoid his father just to cheer for you you had to win

So you pushed yourself a bit more

"I don't want you to push yourself or feel pressure on this training" You remembered Todoroki's only rule during your training

You did not understand his words that day but as you grew closer you started to get it

You used to train after lunch and after your classes so you ended up eating together and walking home together too

Well, to be fair, he would walk you home

"Hey, todoroki, I got a question" you asked while the boy slurped his beloved soba once "you entered UA by recommendation, right?"

He nodded

"Who recommended you?" It was a genuine question, no gossip or meanness on it

What was a little crush because of his incredible fighting skills soon stepped to a bigger crush for his personality

That kind of polite but absolutely nonexisting socials skills

The way he was always so straight forward and funny without trying to, actually being the most serious guy to walk on earth

You had grown attached to all those little details details about him and you really wanted to know some more

"My stupid old father"

"Wow, he must be really important" It clicked you then, his fire powers and his left side was just like endeavour's "oh... I hadn't realized, the hero number 2 is your father?"

He did not answer, nothing at all, silent

"That must give you a lot of pressure" he grumbled this time "but at least he must have taught you a lot"

He stood up, angry "lets go training, I dont like this conversation"

This training session wasn't like anything before, he was taking it specially seriously and you barely managed to avoid his attacks, let alone attack or train yourself

The classes finally ended and you wiated for Todoroki on your usual training spot but he did not show up

So you decided to go and find him

Not many streets far away from your high school you found him, walking alone

He was probably heading towards his house

"Todoroki!" You called him from behind but his feet did not stop and he did not even turn to see you "What about our training?"

Finally the boy stopped and looked at you

"Sorry, I forgot about it" you knew very well he didn't "Can we leave it until tomorrow?"

"Yeah... yeah of course" He was angry, wasn't he? "Can I walk you home? You always do that for me!"

He nodded reluctantly and you joined his walk, silently

"I... I'm sorry" you finally broke the awkward silent that had remained between you for the past five minutes of your shared walk "I don't know what it is but I know I have done something to bother you, can you please tell me what it is so I can apologise properly?"

"You did nothing, it's fine" It clearly wasn't

"Is it because I asked about your father? I wasn't trying to be mean or nosy I just... I want to know you better, to be friends"

"I'm not really trying to make friends but okay, I have no trouble explaining it to you" your hands started to sweat and you were honestly awkward

"I just want to become the number 1 hero without using my left side, the one with fire" you nodded, encouraging him to continue

"My father... you know what a quirk arranged marriage is?" You did but you thought no one would really do it

"Well, my mother had an ice quirk and my father thought that having both their quirks I would be the strongest hero ever but..." you tried to smile to him, searching to give him some reassurance but you noticed then he hadn't been looking at you this whole time, he wasn't really looking at anything "he was abusive and neglected me and my sibling for his thirst of power, he forced me to train and drove my mother absolutely insane. I want to show him that I can be equally strong without using his quirk and that way show him that I am no longer his son, I reject him"

"I... understand, I'm so sorry for bringing up your father, I shouldn't have, if you had never spoke about him you sure had a reason too, I'm so sorry"

"It's okay, you didn't know it anyways"

"If it cheers you up I'm sure you will be able to proof to him that you are better than him, because... you are, you know?"

No answer was given to that

And you two shared anothers 5 minutes in absolute silent

"Oh I get it, you did not want to train me so you couldn't be like your father" You broke it, again.

He nodded, his eyes glued to his feet and clearly avoiding your look

"Its okay, you are not him, I'm the one who wants this, remember?"

You could swear you saw a very very tiny smile show in his face after that

And now, on the sports festival he was cheering for you, you wantes to see that tiny smile again so you, against his very own words, pushed yourself further than your body allowed you too

You did not see any longer and your body was not able to keep on its feets

But you managed to grab the plants your opponent had created

And from there, even without knowing where she was, you found her

You crawled your way to her, following the plants to where you believed they started

And there you found her, your opponent

She did not expect you to follow her own weapon to find her and with that surprise as your advantage you finally touched her

Then, it was decided, you won

Once your hand touched her skin she fell on a tight dream

With that, she was out of combat and you got your victory

But you found yourself falling to the ground with your opponent

Before touching the ground you heard "Ibara Shiozaki is out of combat! Y/N wins!"

The moment you heard those words you finally gave in

And your body collapsed, you were no longer conscious

When your eyes shot open you saw the nursery around you and you understood it, you had pass out fighting and now you were resting as you should

"Midoriya is using everything he has!" The TV was loud, so loud it bothered you. You would have switched it off if it wasn't for who was Midoriya's opponent

Todoroki

You followed his steps and attacks, your eyes could not get out of the boy even when some of your friends came to see you

Eventually, you saw him use his left side

And something inside you broke

He was so sure of his goal and now he would nit be able to accomplish it right?

You turned off the TV finally and wrapped yourself in the nursery blanket

But no more than 10 minutes after the fight Todoroki was at your door

"Can I... come in?" You nodded at his question

When the boy was besides your nursery bed you two stood in front of each other in absolute silent

Until you raised you hand and reached to his left cheek, the perfect spot to touch his healthy skin while caressing his scar with your thumb

"Why did you use your left hand?" It was your genuine concern who asked him and not you really

"I don't know" again, Todoroki was looking at the ground, you hated how someone so strong and admired by everyone could be so unsure around his father topic

You truly hated Endeavor, altought you didn't knew the details about what he had done you knew how much it has hurted todoroki, it was more than enough to hate him

"Midoriya said it was my power and I felt... confident about it for a second but I dont know what to do with it now... I'm not sure if I want to use it or not"

"Midoriya is right, it's your power afterall, if you decide to use it it has nothing to do with Endeavor but if you don't feel ready to do so no one can force you to use it either" you took his hand in yours, the free one and todoroki felt unfamiliarly warm at it's touch "If you choose to use it or not won't change the fact that you reject him and you can show him that in soany other ways, and I will help you with it whenever you need me to"

You probably weren't going to be strong enought to win the next combat but at least you saw that tiny smile appear again in his face thanks to your words and later, you cheered for him on his fight against bakugo just like he did with you

[bxllafanficc]

A world without heroes

Summary: Loki is imprisoned after the sudden attack on New York and with that, rest of the earth. And while you always thought you would have your lover's back, you find yourself unable to forgive this one. It's time for you to decide when enough's enough.

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader

Sidenote: This was inspired by the song "A world without heroes" from KISS. I just immediately though about a moment where reader would be thrown into a deep sea of darkness after finding out the major betrayal lingering beneath many layers of Loki Laufeyson's charismatic persona.

The cold surface of the bulletproof glass is supposed to have a large impact on your wrist as the two objects collide. It's supposed to hurt but it doesn't. The glass is meant to stand and for you to give up. You're meant to lay off and calm down; meaning, stop slamming your fist into the cell like if it was going to break if you just willed your way through.

They say that if you want something enough, you possess the power to do anything. But what do you want to such an extent? More importantly, what does he want? What did he really want? Has he ever wanted any more than a throne to sit on? Or was there something more to it? Did he even know what it really meant? And if so, did he realize the consequences of his actions; not just by the billions of lives he would have destroyed, but his family, yours and especially his own as well.

A part of you wants to believe that he was under some kind of control; that he wasn't really conscious these past days. All the lives he already stole, you want to think that if he had a choice, he would've spared them. You want to believe it all so badly. You want to throw all your common sense away and just collapse into his arms. Give him a tender kiss and gaze into his eyes with lingering warmth like you used to. To forgive and forget.

But the common sense stays where it should be. You can't. Because the past days he's been imprisoned, he's confirmed every action. He doesn't even defend anything; thinks he doesn't need to. Rock-hard believing his decision was the right one to make when he really had no right.

And your eyes are no more tender and soft; but clouded and swollen, piercing through the pair of eyes on the other side of the glass. And your mouth is not tasting the sensetion of sweet lips. Only the salty wetness of your tears pooling like mad rivers.

Your chest feels heavy and about to explode. You need to scream; feel like that's the only solution to relieve the pressure. You almost feel like you're being choked. Choked on love, choked on hope, air, trust, literally everything your life has contained so far.

And the man in front of you doesn't seem to understand how your world is seemingly falling apart before him. The pure confusion in his eyes is twisting your stomach and your feel like throwing up.

"I thought I knew you."

Your sobs has quieted down. Before, you weren't able to speak very well. You just had to wait the storm out until it came rushing back ten times worse next time.

"You do, darling. You always have."

Calm as a snake and laid back. He doesn't even seem to realize that every word spoken will matter in the following moments of actions where you will decide both your fates for him.

"Did I, really? How can you look me in the eyes and say that with your disgusting pride!" You spit at the glass; aim at his feet but it doesn't seem to faze him a tiny bit. You want to bring out a reaction from him, cause maybe then, you would get some sense of honesty out of him.

"My disgusting pride? The world we're living in is disgusting and twisted. How can you even compare midgardians brutality and greediness to Asgards prosperity and beauty?"

You don't want to hear this talk again. Only a couple of years ago, you would have ignored it as just one of his endless bitter rants and thought nothing more of it, not knowing that he was actually planning to find an end to his irritation.

"(Y/n), darling, You have agreed with me on this! We agreed that humans are short minded, only good for the cause of starting a war between their own race and assassinate each other. Their petty little lives are doomed anyway."

You can't even process the amount of irony and hypocrisy seeping through his sentences. You want to scream at him. You want to hold him. You want to cry, give him a piece of your mind. But you want to fall asleep in his arms. You miss his embrace so much. Endless tiredness since he vanished, only to find he's become a monster.

Your fists attempts to break the glass once again, aiming at his perfect eyes. Those damn eyes. The same eyes you used to adore. You still do. Torn between what you want and what you should do.

"You had no right! Who are you to choose who gets to live and who doesn't?! Why should you be any different from the humans?"

Your words are no longer contained into normal conversation. Only now, Loki seems to actually start realizing the weight behind your rage.

"I did it for us, love! For you. How am I supposed to give you everything if I'm just a mere god, son of a bastard and feared of my own people. Is that the man to give you everything? Is it?"

You don't even know where the thought process of this has sparked in his mind. Never have you asked anything unusual from him, just endless trust and honesty. You have always supported him when no one else would and when nobody wanted anything to do with him. A shoulder to cry on or an ear for venting. You've heated him up with your warmth when he was feeling cold and kissed him back to health countless of times. You used to be his. In return you only asked for trust and honesty. And the funny thing? In the end, you got none of that.

"I never wanted the world, Loki! I wanted you! Couldn't you see that you were enough?"

"Why do you care about the midgardians so much? What have they done for you? Have they given you flowers when you were sad? Have they kept you company at nights where you were haunted by nightmares? Did they do any of those? Because I recall it was me who stood by you all those years!"

Why is he suddenly so angry? It makes no sense to you. When he for once speaks from his real thoughts, anger and frustration is still the feeling behind it. Even if he got his plan to destroy earth through, it wouldn't stop his burning hate.

"You speak like they are nothing but soulless objects, pawns for you to manipulate when you feel like it!"

"They need a group of unstable mutants to protect them from dangers! A bunch of heroes that they don't even really like sometimes. The heroes gets the blame of the catastrophe happening even if they are the one fighting it! Is that a society worth fighting for? Their beloved little heroes are nothing but fools."

"Everything is worth fighting for. You don't know these people, do you? And as for the people, the heroes are a beacon of hope; a sign to stand strong and come together!"

You stand quiet for a second. Your fist lowers itself against the hard surface.

"Against people like you."

You don't want to see him anymore. Heard enough. Ready to go. You've made you decision. Because how could there ever be a change to this man? When he's been hiding his true nature behind your back for so long? Did you even know who you loved? Could you even call it love?

"Did you ever love me? Or was I just being fooled this entire time?"

Concern is now displaying on him for real. Maybe he's realize where you're going; what you're about to say.

"Why would you ask that? I love you more than anything! (Y/n), please understand this! I'd do anything for you!"

"Then tell me one single moment, just one, where you've spent time with me and thought 'I could be satisfied with this. I don't need power. I'm good with what I have'."

You heart is aching with anticipation. It's almost fatal. You don't want to know but he must realize it himself before you can finish.

And you can really see how he's trying. He's trying so hard for you, he thinks. He probably thinks he's tried doing everything for you; when he really just needed not to do anything at all. And just like you guessed, there comes no words. He knows you'll see if he's lying and knows you're right. But you don't ever think he will ever regret his attack for the right reasons. Nor for you, to get you back. No, you'll never accept that.

"I can't live like this, Loki. Can't you see you're breaking my heart?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"No. You didn't mean to do it, right? That's what you're gonna say... But I've heard enough. You have made a decision. And it's about time that I make mine as well."

The realization hits him almost instantly. And all the traces of his usually calm manner were gone in an instant. He's no longer standing with hands clasped behind his back. But they're clawing and pawning at the glass keeping the two of you apart. Loneliness is the one fatal emotion he hasn't dared himself to feel for years with you by his side. But now when it all might be taken away from him in a matter of seconds? How is he supposed to react?

He's begging, pleading, punching and screaming. Sobbing and begging even more. His silvertounge can't save him now. Nothing can save him now from the unruly fate. A path he himself had laid out beneath his feet.

"Please, (Y/n) I love you! I don't want to be here alone!"

...

"Please... It's cold and dark. I can't breathe without your warmth! Just.. Please!"

You can't stand to hear any more. His pleading is too much and you've stayed enough.

Your heart feels like it's being torn in half by your own hands as you turn around, the cold of your back hitting him in the deepest depths of his despair. And it sets him off.

You're going to leave him. The only purely good thing in his life is going to leave him. Where is he going to get his hugs? It doesn't matter because they won't be from you. Is he even going to remember your face when time has passed? Will he even remember your laugh, smile or your goofy little moments together? Will you find somebody else? Forget about him and move on.

Loki doesn't want you to move on; doesn't want you to move at all. He's ready to do whatever it takes to get you to stay.

And he would, if there wasn't a thick wall between you, keeping him from you no matter how hard he slammed it or how loudly he screamed at you.

Pleading became despair and despair led to threats; the only solution left to try.

He knew it was wrong. Wrong to threaten a loved one, especially you. But he would never accept his fate knowing that he hadn't tried anything in his power to make the only thing left for him to love slip past his hands.

But a tiny part of him knows that you won't hear him. Won't listen to him like those late summer nights under the moon on a cozy blanket, you tightly wrapped into his embrace with a content smile on your face.

Or the time when a sudden attack of sorrow and anxiety hit him in the middle of the night and you held him close to your chest while whispering sweet assurances for him to fall asleep to.

You had been his anchor to the real world.

You were the only thing to keep him sane enough.

But it wasn't enough in the end.

You had been his hero.

But not even a hero could save someone's world sometimes.

Especially when he was the one ruining it.

His love.

(Y/n)

[professorsnape394]

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Nine: Letters, Lovers and Loyalties

A/N: This is the ninth part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 2185

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

Yet another letter dropped into the lap of Aria Dumbledore as she sat absentmindedly sketching. Dropping her quill back into the small pot of ink which balanced on the arm of her chair, a small sigh escaped her lips. She had been expecting another to arrive any day now.

Aria allowed herself a small glance in the direction of her desk where the ever growing pile of unopened letter sat gathering dust. Disregarding her drawing, Aria traveled to her desk, fingers fumbling with the edge of the envelope. Admittedly, Aria's mind had been focused on that small pile of letters the past few days, and consequently the man who sent them. She couldn't bring herself to reply to his constant inquiries, but she had considered there was no harm in opening a few of them. She longed to hear from him, though she had been in denial for so long now she wasn't sure what to expect from his most recent letters.

Waiting no longer she ripped the paper from its wax seal, her eyes quickly scanning every word on the page.

My dear Aria, Though I know you say you cannot reply to my letters, I write them all with the hope that you will find the time in your busy schedule to at least read them. As always things are quiet here without you. Too quiet. I miss your voice. I miss hearing you sing to yourself in the shower thinking no one can hear you, I miss hearing you hum as you wander aimlessly through the house, I miss watching you draw as I pose for you, but most importantly I miss holding you in my arms. I long for the end of the school year when we will be reunited and I will have nothing to miss except maybe writing these letters. I long for a response to my letters, my darling. I simply must know that you miss me as I miss you. In the mean time I will continue to write to you to keep myself distracted from everything terrible happening in the world, by simply thinking of you. All my love, S.

Aria couldn't help but feel a great pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach for ignoring the letters, but she couldn't bare the thought of reading them, while she was still coming to terms with how she felt when she decided to leave for Hogwarts. She knew immediately she would not be able to maintain a long distance relationship with him. Though he was the first man she had ever loved she had been too cowardly to confess her feelings for him in person, let alone on a piece of parchment. She knew she was a pathetic coward from the moment he told her he loved her and she could not find it in her to return the favour. Her cowardice was more than proven the day she left for Hogwarts. Aria had planned to break up with him, to avoid further heartbreak down the line. But she could not even find the courage to do that.

Instead she was living in denial. In her mind they had broken up, and refused to face up to whatever she was truly feeling until it was absolutely necessary. Her plan had been to distract herself as much as possible, suppress her feelings and just forget about the situation completely. And to be totally honest her plan had been working for her, with the exception of a few off days such as today. However when it came time to wake up and face the music she had no idea what her plan would be then.

Leaving the letter open on her desk she took a stroll around the grounds of Hogwarts to clear her mind. The time to figure out all of her problems was not now. She was still a young, carefree woman and she didn't want the burden of guilt stopping her from living her life however she so wished.

Arias walk led her to the village of Hogsmeade, and after working up a light sweat, the young professor opted to pop into the Three Broomsticks to quench her thirst.

Unsurprisingly for a late Tuesday evening the place was barren. Besides for a drunken wizard practically falling off his bar stood, a crazy witch whispering to herself and two well dressed men, sitting out of place in a side booth, the place was completely deserted. Planning to only stay for a pumpkin juice Aria took a seat at the bar and begun chatting to the same barmaid who had served her and Severus all those weeks ago.

"Busy night?" Aria joked, rolling her eyes at the drunk to her right.

The woman laughed in return, handing over a glass of pumpkin juice. "This is pretty much the standard, at this time." She shrugged, polishing off a perfectly clean glass, to keep herself busy. "That one over there doesn't even order anything, but its not worth the hassle kicking her out." She gestured to the old hag in the corner, her perfectly polished nails glistening in the dim bar light.

"I wish I could say I felt sorry for you, but a break away from the chaos that is Hogwarts is a slight relief." Aria sighed. She was still not used to being around so many people all the time having spent the past few years alone, besides her mother, she often needed time alone to breathe.

"Oh, then you must be new. I've had my fair share of lonely professors spend an evening behind my bar, and I usually remember who's spilled their whole life story to me. Though you do look familiar, what do you teach?" She finished up with her glasses, leaning her elbows on the bar to get a closer look at the younger woman, her breasts practically falling out her blouse.

"I'm just an apprentice for now. I'm the new Potions Mistress." Aria smiled, taking a small sip of her drink.

"Oh yes, now I remember. You came here with that Severus. He's not unfamiliar with our whiskey selection, if you know what I mean." Both women rolled their eyes in unison. "He doesn't seem to talk much though, I can't say I know anything about him. I must admit I was surprised to see him with a gorgeous young witch like yourself."

"You weren't the only one." Aria scoffed, finishing off her pumpkin juice.

"Well it makes a little bit more sense now." She laughed, a set of pristine pearly teeth emerging from her red glossy lips.

It seemed Aria was not the only one who had been admiring the woman's beauty, and almost right on cue the drunk decided to look a little bit more lively, demanding another pint. Reluctantly the barmaid obliged, shooting Aria an apologetic look.

Aria couldn't help but notice the gruff looking man practically throw himself over the bar in order to get a good gawk at the barmaids behind. The slightly older woman seemed unfazed by the mans actions, in-fact Aria wasn't entirely unsure she wasn't enjoying the attention. Choosing not to interrupt as neither party seemed to object to the altercation, Aria kept her mouth shut.

That was until the man's attention turned to her. The barmaid disappeared from view, presumably to refill the barrel the drunk had practically drowned himself in. "Haven't seen you around here before." He started harmlessly, though Aria did not miss the way his eyes seemed to scan the whole of her body.

"Just moved into Hogwarts, haven't seen much of Hogsmeade." Aria admitted, but made the conscious decision to turn away from him, hoping not to engage in any further conversation.

"You a friend of Ros'" He asked, intrigued, while downing a good half of his pint.

"Not really, no." Aria shrugged. "I didn't even know her name until just now."

"Rosalind Rookwood." He edged his seat closer to Arias. "Fantastic barmaid, though I wouldn't say it was her best profession." He winked.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." Aria turned her nose up at the man, just praying he would leave her alone.

"Well, you know, bein' a barmaids fine an all, but it doesn't always pay the bills. Miss Rookwood's got her fair share of stories to tell, and not all of them her own." He laughed, the potent stench of his alcoholic breath suffocating Aria as he leaned in closer, wrapping a heavy arm around her shoulders. "If it turns out teaching isn't for you, just know you'll have a loyal customer in me." He hiccuped, his free arm, reaching down to stroke the woman's exposed thigh.

Instinctively Aria gripped onto his wrist, forcing it off of her. "What the hell do you think you are doing!?" Aria exclaimed, pushing the man away from her. "Don't you dare lay your hands on me again."

The drunk showed no sign of guilt or remorse, he simply chuckled to himself, revealing a shocking lack of teeth. Disgusted, Aria made to move but found herself cornered against the bar.

Fortunately the altercation had caused enough disruption to alert the two men having a casual evening drink. Instantly one rushed over to her aid, stupefying the old man. The second man followed suit and made it his business to remove the frozen figure from the bar.

"Are you alright?" The first man asked, his brow furrowing with worry.

"I'm fine, thank you for stepping in." Aria smiled, brushing herself down, as though she was riding herself from the drunks disgusting touch.

The man returned a boyish grin, his eyes bright blue and full of kindness. Aria had never seen anyone like him. His presence was almost cartoon like, with positivity radiating from him. Aria couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh, her smile growing just by looking at him. His energy was contagious.

"Is... is there anything I can do to thank you?" She tried your shake herself back to reality though remained entranced by him.

"Nothing at all. I'm just glad I was here to help." He extended a hand, almost nervously, introducing himself. "Alexander Turner, pleasure to meet you."

"You too." Aria blushed, unable to break eye contact with the man, and was now incredibly aware of how dumbfounded she must look. "I'm Aria" She stuttered, the sound of his friend retuning sending her back to reality. "I apologise for staring, but I just can't seem to take my eyes off you, you have an enchanting aura about you. I'm sorry if I may seem a little strange."

"There's no need to apologise, I get it all the time." He laughed, though not arrogantly, it was sweet and innocent. "My mother's a Veela." He added, almost embarrassedly, upon noticing the slightly look of confusion appearing on Arias face.

The couple shared an awkward smile, both at a loss for words.

Alexander's friend passed by the pair silently, slapping him encouragingly on the shoulder before disappearing behind the bar, Rosalind following closely behind.

Aria noted the difference in both attitude and appearance in the two men, finally able to distinguish between the two. The friend was tall and broad shouldered, his hair messy though not long. He gave off a sort of American football, "bro", fratbroy vibe. In other words kind of arrogant and full of himself. Clearly he saw himself as the one in control. Alexander on the other hand was more slim, but not skinny. Tall but not lanky. Innocent but not naive. His clothes appeared similar to his friends but presented more neatly and well put together. She assumed he felt sorry for his friend, knowing his Veela parentage would gain him lots of female attention, and in return Alexander simply allowed himself to get pushed around to boost his friends ego.

With a roll of his eyes Alexander practically confirmed her theory and Aria couldn't stop herself from laughing once more.

Knowing that while Rosalind and 'Braydon'; as he turned out to be, would not be returning any time soon, Aria and Alexander chose to occupy one of the booths and get to know a little bit about each other, where Alex truly confirmed all of Aria's suspicions.

Upon Braydon's return, he flashed his rather large biceps, kissing each one in turn as he flexed them, before letting out a hearty growl, presumably this was a display of male dominance among his kind. His kind being; douchebags.

With another roll of her eyes Aria bid farewell to the men, thanking Alexander once more for his heroic rescue.

"How about a date?" Alex called nervously as Aria had just about reached the door.

"I'm sorry?" She replies, caught off guard.

"A date, here, with me. What do you say?" Aria shook her head unable to look away from that damn charming smile of his.

"I'll agree to a few drinks." She clarified. "Just send me an owl, you know where I'll be." And with that she disappeared once more down the path to Hogwarts, the grey sky above all the while threatening to rain down on her.

Taglist: @ayamenimthiriel @lizlil​