#something something about how while its an oversimplification to say things like

[acetechne]

a number of years ago today some people without my knowledge decided to ship an oc of mine with someone else’s oc and then i found out about it later. sometimes i draw it too. and here we are!

some time ago (weeks and weeks) i lost a bet to @randomoranges who asked for these two with the parameters of “gender fuckery” and I thought about it for a long long time to the point she probably thought I forgot about it. One thing that occurred to me is I feel that whenever gender fuckery happens it’s almost always leaning towards the feminine and away from the masculine so I tried to consider what masculine gender fuckery might look like to me.

I think this is an aspect that probably deserves further exploration because i think in this hypermasculine culture i grew up in there are increasingly limited acceptable ways to be masculine and yet so many of the macho stereotypes are like. so masculine it almost seems like performative/drag if not outright homoerotic. So, it made me think about how one can dress correctly masculine in every respect for a particular subculture/occupation and still perform it “wrong”.

anyway in contemplating that and how it relates to these two i was thinking about the Acceptable Masculine Canadian Stereotypes so we have your typical lumberjack man and your typical oil man slash cowboy and I don’t they are expressing themselves correctly. I think my measuring stick for these things is “would this freak out and disgust the hockey boys i went to school with in rural oil country alberta” and yes it would, and yes it would please me to do it more.

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[somepinkthing]

Its very interesting how many people are saying zagreus "had a childhood" in comparison to melinoe given that he had his father and the house of hades at the time, either forgetting what hades was like or not clocking just how shit of a dad hades actually was. I'm here to inform you that they BOTH had a childhood! It just was two different variations of suck. Melinoe's longing is only because she's been raised to idealize the life she might have had after zag's efforts to fix things paid off. That doesn't mean zagreus lived a childhood worth longing after.

Zagreus wasn't running away just to be rebellious and difficult, it was just framed that way because that's how Hades saw it. Hades's only good point as a dad back then was that he at least wasn't as bad as his own dad.... who ate him. Bar was literally set in hell and hades barely hovered right above it. Even discounting the implication that he was even worse back when zagreus was a small child, hades was already every flavor of emotionally and physically abusive there was—hell he was abusive as a manager, let alone a dad. He would literally rather personally beat and kill you than talk to you about why he's banned surface visiting. And this is only after manipulating ppl you care about into doing the same. The house of hades may be melinoe's dream, but it was zagreus's prison. Literally. Like he wasn't allowed to leave. The whole premise of the first game was that all of this trouble was gone through just so zagreus could even so much as take a walk. And hades frames that as something reasonable and we are the unreasonable ones for not seeing that

Sure, zag had one parent and a house (prison) to go back to. But that doesn't mean that either of them have a childhood worth envying. You could point out that zag had stability (if the house of hades could be counted as stability). I could point out that at least melinoe was always made to feel wanted and important (if being seen as a savior counts). It's an oversimplification on both ends because while both of them did have people who cared and things about their life that they loved, neither of them grew up in a stellar environment. Zagreus wasn't a brat, he was as reasonable as his circumstances were allowing.

TLDR Hades was a much worse dad than the people who seem to think zagreus had it soo much easier are clocking and zagreus grew up in an environment that was actually extremely abusive (a fact that he himself doesn't appear aware of throughout the whole game, even after persephone points it out).

[ask-commander-arild]

(ooc: aaaxtygyt this is genuinely so sick i used to have a pigmask oc myself and theyre so fun i get it [i also lost it at fjordland] ok ok enough of my rambl-)

Oh! Oh, another little commander! Hi! This place actually looks lovely. And you're...Arild! That's how you say it, right? Okay. Hi. As you can tell, I'm not from here. Be not afraid, or whatever the kids say. I'm from another universe! And I'm here in yours to ask you some questions. We noticed immediately in your area that there's a much lovelier vibe around. But something crossed my mind. How are the Chimera?

-Unnamed Reporter (@tanejineri)

<s>insert fisheye perspective drawing of microphone placed in front of arild's face here</s>

Ohhh, ummm, hallo? That's right, I'm Arild. If you need to know the pronunciation, well, then... it kind of sounds like the word "air" but with an "ild" as in "filled" at the end. Well, that may be an oversimplification, but...

Anyway, what was the question? Oh, right, the chimeras. Well, now that the army has changed its mission, the chimera project has been more or less shut down. Well, moreso been redirected toward helping and rehabilitating the remaining chimeras, which, funny as it sounds, does include Claus and I. Our biomechanics, while very handy and interesting, do need semi-regular upkeep to stay working properly. The last thing I'd want is, say, my arm giving out while I'm trying to carry something, haha. The other chimeras are definitely a lot happier when they aren't being experimented on constantly.

And, uhhhh, also, I would say the vibes around here are definitely much better than they used to be. As I said before, it is a little more boring, but I do really like how peaceful and easygoing everything is now, and I definitely think I'm a lot happier now than I was then. I think the only thing now that would make it even better would be if I got to see... ummm... Anyway... Thank you for the question, min venn!

(ooc: AAAAAAA THANKS!!! I really appreciate it! I've seen your blog and I love your artstyle, dude!! And, yeah, I agree! Pigmask OCs are really fun!!! Would you believe if I told you that his chimera design, and thus the character himself, was quite literally revealed to me in a dream, lmaooo??? Also, fjordland was cuz I wanted to make a Mother version of Norway, and I just had to think about what Norway was known for! I'm glad you found it amusing!! Anyway, now I'm rambling, so I'm just gonna end this off by saying thanks again, dude!!!!)

[conservativemalarkey]

@elgringo300 - I don't want to put you on the spot, but this comment is inaccurate in ways that make it a good history lesson. While I'm not a history expert either, I'm interested in the history of early Christianity, and it's a good bit more complicated (and fascinating!) than most people realize.

TLDR: "Roman" and "Christian" were never mutually exclusive categories. The religious fate of the Roman Empire and the rise of Christianity are one and the same.

There are two things you have to understand here:

The story of early Christianity that you get told in church has some gaps in it.

The story of the Fall Of The Roman Empire you get taught in school is often based in older scholarship. It's also often taught by people who don't understand the scale and timing of the events that happened. It's inaccurate to how historians understand the past.

Full disclosure- I'm tired and too lazy to cite sources. I'm also simplifying things dramatically because this is a tumblr post. If you see a tumblr post claiming that everything you know is horse hockey, you should do your own research before you incorporate it into your belief system- and that includes this one.

We good? Moving on.

SO. The story of early Christianity a lot of people learn goes something like this: "Jesus came, taught his followers how to live a good life, died, was resurrected, and went back to heaven. His apostles and followers tried to tell all the world what happened! But the evil Roman Empire tried to stop them and martyred any Christians they caught. Christians persevered, until the Empire collapsed under its own weight, and people were free to be Christian. And then, because Christianity is obviously the Right Way To Live, it spread to the whole world."

...And, well, there's a couple chunks missing from that story. For this post, the part we're concerned about is the bit between "Christians were martyred for their beliefs!" and "Rome fell".

The thing you have to understand about Roman religion is that Romans didn't think about religion the same way we do. In a monotheistic world where religion is usually a set of moral and cultural precepts, it can be hard to imagine a polytheistic world where religion is about the gods. The state religion in Rome- the one the Romans used law and custom to enforce- was about Making Deals With Gods (and ancestors, and heroes, and at certain points the Emperor), asking for their protection and giving them worship and offerings in exchange.

The Romans genuinely did not care what gods you worshiped in your own home. They might make fun of you if you worshiped weird provincial gods; they might be disgusted or angry if you said your gods asked you to break Roman laws. But they did not care what you believed in the same way that most American Christians today care.

What they did care about was whether or not you did the customary sacrifices and offerings that went along with the state religion. The best way to think of it- and this is a dramatic oversimplification- you know those evangelicals who are 'okay' with people not being Christian, but insist that no one is allowed to be gay because gay people make God send hurricanes at them? It was a bit more like that than the people who think that no one can be a good person without being Christian. The Romans were genuinely concerned that the gods would get pissed off if you didn't propitiate them, and no one wanted that.

Generally, if the Romans conquered an area where people were monotheists? An area like, say, Judea? They did not care if you did not believe in their gods. As long as you did the state religion's sacrifices and rituals? They'd be totally cool with you. Hell, they might even try to worship your monotheistic God along with all of theirs. (Remember Paul's sermon at the Temple of Diana on the Unknown God? Yeah.)

The trouble is, monotheists do not, as a rule, like acknowledging gods that are not their god. So there was always some... friction between Rome and Judea. Judea was an outlying border province full of people who were not always cool with the Roman state religion. People who could and did quite violently rebel against Roman rule. People who would get angry and rebellious if you tried to force them to acknowledge that your gods even existed, much less tried to force them to worship. Some emperors decided the best way to handle this was to exempt Jews from following the state religion; it saved everyone from a lot of bloody guerilla warfare. Some emperors decided the best way to handle this was to crack down and use Jews as scapegoats for every bad thing that happened to the Empire.

And for the first hundred years of Christianity's existence, people thought Christianity was just a weird form of Judaism. Legally, socially, and politically, Christians by and large got treated the same way. They were a freaky religious minority in an outlying province. But as long as they followed the rules and made the correct sacrifices at the correct times? Generally, they got ignored. If they refused to make those sacrifices? It depended on the whims of who was enforcing the law. Sometimes, they got ignored. Sometimes, they had their property confiscated. Sometimes, they got fed to lions. It really depended on who was running the show.

So how did we get from "Christianity is a freaky minority of an already strange religious minority in the border provinces" to "most people in Europe are Christian"? Well, there's two pieces to this.

FIRST: because Roman state religion was mostly dedicated to propitiating the gods, and because Rome tended to culturally integrate its provinces rather than enforcing its own customs upon them, mystery cults thrived. A lot of different religions sprung up that promised enlightenment, a higher state of consciousness, or everlasting life. And a lot of people bought into them, because the Roman state religion wasn't very spiritually fulfilling. Think of it like... your weird auntie who goes to a megachurch but swears by tantric yoga, or TikTok witches who say they can talk to angels. I don't know as much about mystery cults in Rome as I'd like, but there were three very popular ones:

Mithraism, which was from the East and which was popular among soldiers.... Sol Invicta, which I know very little about except that it existed... and Christianity, which was popular among common people, women, and slaves. (Incidentally, I could go on about early Christianity and women's lib for hours. Don't get me started.)

Either of these cults- or any of the smaller ones, really- could have wound up taking the place in society that Christianity did. People really want to believe in something bigger than themselves, and Strange Wisdom from Far Away is always going to find a foothold among people who want to believe.

So. Plenty of Romans became Christian. And the early Church's missionary efforts meant that people in Rome, Greece, Egypt, and even farther-flung places converted, because they took the "go ye to all the world" thing seriously. Eventually, a Roman emperor named Constantine converted to Christianity... and began using the state power that had enforced the Roman state religion to spread Christianity. He returned property that the state confiscated, he passed laws banning Christians from having to do state sacrifices, he protected missionaries, and a lot more stuff like that.

Because it was now safe and legally protected to be Christian? Because Christians now had special legal privileges? And because missionaries, emboldened by the Emperor himself, got even more intense in their proselytizing? Christianity spread like wildfire. Plenty of Romans converted. Plenty more stopped thinking of Christians as weird freaks and started thinking of them as their friends and neighbours. And people in the second category might not convert, but their wives and children might.

Here's the last piece of the puzzle. How much time do you think elapsed between Constantine converting to Christianity and the commonly accepted "Fall Of The Roman Empire"? Was it ten years? Twenty? Fifty?

Try closer to a hundred and fifty.

A hundred and fifty years in our past, Queen Victoria was still reigning over England (and brutally conquering New Zealand), Japan was doing the Meiji Restoration, the Mary Celeste was very busy going missing, and Susan B Anthony was casting her first vote.

Think of all the changes that have happened to the world since 1872. Change happened slower in the Classical era. But it still happened, and there was still a very long time for it to happen in. There was plenty of time for people to convert to Christianity before Rome fell. Plenty of people did, because it was popular and safe to. And as time went on, Christianity lost a lot of its rebellious nature and became a religion that was backed up by state power, palatable to people with power, and generally ... well. As someone commented on my religion post, any religion can go bad if it gets in bed with an empire.

And for most people- especially people who weren't in Rome and the parts of the Empire near to it? The "fall of Rome" was a slow process. Rome fell in part because of a bunch of economic crises and a plague, more than anything else. So it wasn't like The Walking Dead; the apocalypse was a very slow burn.

You got less news, less food, less luxuries. You got less people coming from distant provinces, and more strongmen trying to push you around. You got fewer soldiers protecting you, and more bandits. Your grandchildren would realize that they were living in a very different world than you were, but you might not realize just how much things have changed in the moment.

....So yes. Even accepting your premise that Christians put the world back together after Rome fell- which is a huge misunderstanding in its own right, to be clear- most of the Christians in question also thought of themselves as either Romans or as the heirs to Rome's Empire. Look up the Donation of Constantine sometime, or the history of Carolingian France, or the Byzantines. Hell, look at the history of the Holy Roman Empire (which, as we all know, was none of the above).

Like I said, this is all a simplification, and anyone who knows more about the history than I do, please feel free to elaborate. But yeah. Until, like, the Protestant Reformation? Most people did not see "Roman" or "Christian" as in any way contradictory. The reason we do now is largely due to Catholics focusing on martyrs, English religious wars and anti-Catholic sentiment, and Edward Gibbon. It's ahistorical. It's just not true.

If the Roman Empire had (somehow) become atheist, had given atheists special religious privileges, and had encouraged atheist proselytizing? Most people in the former Roman Empire and its descendants' colonies would be atheists. If the Roman Empire's state religion had remained a polytheistic muddle? We'd all be worshiping Jupiter and Juno. If the Roman Empire's state religion was Mithraism, we'd all be worshiping Mithra. Because people respond to incentives, and "the Empire is nudging you into converting" is one hell of an incentive.

[lilithfairen]

So what makes for a good deconstruction then?

No really, this ain't rhetorical. I'd like to know your thoughts.

You have to fundamentally, actually understand and analyze what you're deconstructing.

Because most "deconstructions", rather than analyzing a trope or genre conventions and addressing them, rely entirely on three things:

Plot contrivances of their own design that have nothing to do with the trope/genre in question.

Derision of the trope/genre, and often its target audience, from a position of arrogance.

More so for genre "deconstruction": oversimplification of a genre, ignoring the variance and complexity of different works in the genre.

So instead of actually deconstructing a trope/genre, many "deconstructions" simply create a strawman of said trope/genre based on their condescending and shallow attitudes towards it, then beat up said trope/genre strawman and act like they've written something that's so smart and deep.

For example, to contrast the common "deconstruction" tropes in edgy magical-girl "deconstructions":

Girls are often depicted as incapable of getting along and frequently coming into conflict with each other (which is just misogynistic stereotyping)

Girls are portrayed as incapable of understanding the severity and consequences of their circumstances (again misogyny, and basically out of the belief that teenage girls can't grasp concepts present in cartoons made for kids)

The magical-girl genre is one where fighting monsters and villains is treated as fun and carefree (when the burdens of doing so are an iconic part of the genre)

Being a magical girl is often framed as a form of exploitation and manipulation (when many magical girls understand the fight they're getting into and accepting that burden, and many magical girl works where the mascot is deceptive/manipulative already existed before PMMM)

Girls are incapable of being heroes (again, le misogyny)

...with the kind of things I'd address if I were to write a deconstruction of edgy magical-girl "deconstructions":

Addressing how the suffering and victimization of girls is used as a hook in these stories. (I had one idea where the first sentence of a story was the narrator saying how her magical-girl sister died...then the following paragraph immediately points out how screwed-up the idea of being interested in hearing about/seeing girls die really is.)

Acknowledging how these stories believe that girls are incapable of getting along and cooperating, and the contrived plot elements they often utilize in order to incite conflict between girls.

Addressing the "better than other girls" themes these stories often present with their main characters, coupled with how such main characters are often extremely privileged yet these stories shame less-privileged girls for how they suffer and want due to their circumstances.

Contrasting the portrayal and treatment of female characters with male characters in these stories—the propensity for female characters to suffer and die while male characters remain unharmed, male characters and their emotions and desires being treated as more valid and worthwhile than female characters', and even stories where male characters with no powers are treated as more competent and capable than the empowered heroines.

Frankly, a lot of the best deconstructions are things that didn't set out to be "deconstructions" or act like they were smarter than particular other stories—they just sought to tell a story, and handled a theme/trope differently than some other stories. For instance, James Ironwood from RWBY is a fantastic deconstruction of the "well-intentioned extremist" type of character, but I doubt the idea of "deconstruction" was in the writers' minds; they just decided on a character and their story, and developed that plotline based on the character they conceived rather than "tropes" or thinking they were smarter than other stories.

[distort-opia]

do you ever think that joker's character would be hated less if harley was never created? dont get me wrong i love her, its just that her inclusion in the first place was for joker to beat the gay allegations and the abuse isnt rlly fun imo. whining about this is kinda pointless since we cant change the past but i just wanted to hear how you feel about this topic

Mm. This is a bit complicated. I know that it's a popular belief, the idea Harley Quinn was created to make Joker appear less queer, but that's not entirely rooted in fact. Not saying this motivation didn't play a role at all, but if you read up on Harley's origins, some writers involved were against her becoming a regular character on BTAS because it would humanize Joker too much to have a love interest; that was a significant concern. When introducing her to main comic continuity, Dini specifically had Joker be as dark and murderous towards her from the start, and this persisted in most comics featuring them afterwards.

It's not Harley's sheer existence that contributed to the hatred for Joker's character in recent times, in my opinion. It's three combined factors: her redemption arc for the past decade or so, Joker's abusiveness towards her, and the fact she was given a female love interest in Poison Ivy (which turned her into explicit queer representation). The draw of Harlivy as a ship and of Harley being depicted as an abused woman standing up for herself was understandably massive, for a big segment of fandom. And unfortunately, many were eager to forget about Harley's past crimes and choices because of this; after all, it's not difficult to just blame Joker for all the "evil" parts of Harley in order to justify her actions. Joker undoubtedly had a big influence, but it really takes away from her character if her agency is denied entirely (I do hate this recent cross-fandom tendency to take conflicted darker characters and sanitize them). And there is something to be said about Joker being written as a one-dimensional abusive asshole, in order to uplift Harley's character arc and make her triumphs over him more impactful. It is a pity... while I can't say I am a fan of Harley, I find her interesting, and her relationship with Joker has some fascinating aspects to it that get downplayed and ignored in this wave of oversimplification. The main reason she stayed with him was because she thought there was humanity to him, and that she could be the one to bring it out. The tragedy of it, of course, is that she's not wrong-- it's simply that Joker is pretty much incapable of seeing anyone other than Batman as an equal and a fellow human being. Joker does care about her in his own twisted way, but as an extension of himself; a possession, something he created. He also treats her as an extension of himself, which is to say... badly. Because despite how contradictory it might seem at first glance, Joker is suicidal and self-loathing.

Anyway, an analysis of Jarley isn't the point of this :)) To make a long story short, it's true that Harley never being created would've led to none of this happening... but thing is, I do think a female sidekick was inevitable. If they didn't give Joker Harley Quinn, they would've come up with a different character like her eventually, and then who knows where that would've gone. And even if you try to imagine a world with Joker having no one like Harley in his story... the current hatred towards Joker in Tumblr and Twitter circles is quite intertwined with the rise of purity culture and with Joker fatigue (due to DC's overuse of him). Joker as a villain is associated with alpha male toxicity and the whole "we live in a society" mindset, which instantly makes fans on this side of the fence wary; although, even leaving aside the fact Joker has killed countless people in canon, it's more that he shot Barbara Gordon and killed Jason Todd that gets him the biggest amount of hatred. Of course that his abuse towards Harley plays a big part as well, but personally, I don't think it's the main cause. Batman has so many villains, but few of them have harmed Bruce and his Family as personally as Joker has. Seeing as the fandom for the Batfamily is the biggest one, it's not surprising that Joker is disliked within it. (Which is perfectly fine. Issues only arise when fans don't make the distinction between reality and fiction and begin to harass each other over make-pretend non-existent people.)

[minalblood]

So the cancellation anouncement came 😞 but Imma still be on my bullshit and doing my rewatch. I hope they're able to shop it around cuz I'm way to invested in these characters now.

But back to our shit. Episode 6 Art of Dying. It's honestly one of my favourites as well, this time focused on Lata aka the Dean mirror d'jour. It's very significant that Dean's voiceover here speak of who the actual monster is and when does that line begin to include you. Because fuck knows he's one of the few people who can actually fully speak on this, having gone through every iteration of monsterhood on the show. So for this episode I'll get a bit into that if y'all don't mind: what is a monster in supernatural. Now that's a broad question so let's break it down a bit. We have monsters as species (aka anything non human in spn case) and monster as behaviour/moral value ( anyone at all and henceforth refered to as monstrous to make a dif when talking). Sorry for all this, I happened to write my bachelor's on this topic so I've many thoughts about it ( but won't be delving into that today). Now Dean has been both at various stages (though personally I'd argue the monstrous has been more sparce for Dean) and has seen people become both (including loved ones). And it's both that we'll be seeing in this episode as well tho whether one person will inhabit both is another question we'll round back on.

It is interesting as well that this is one of the few episodes that have Dean's voiceover at the beginning and the end of the episode.

But let's return to Lata, who while Dean is giving us forshadowing and heartache, is trying to do her meditation and is unable to because of Carlos and John bickering in the next room. As fun as the scene is, I do find something to pull at with it, because it's, at its core, an oversimplification of dealing with trauma while hunting aka you try to but there are always interruption, always more important things to take away your focus so that, much like Lata here, you end up worse off then when you started. Fun line to add here, John saying "I'm not obssessed, I'm thorough" could literally be his life motto because this line just encapsulates his general approach to ... most things tbh but trauma certainly and as discussed, the trauma he's had pushed to the surface in ep 4 has yet to be dealt with and, moreover, he's actively pushed it to the side to help Mary deal with her own trauma in ep 5. So at this point John is in the same both as Lata, in need of an outlet and not having been able to process anything due to interruptions. But unlike Lata, who is trying to cope as best as she can, John is hyperfocusing on the task at hand despite not having any leads as Carlos makes clear. Carlos who has actually been working toward progress on the Akrida front because they have contacts they can approach and avenues for more information to take. John has neither, he's not been doing this enough time to have built any connections like that (and in spn we know he chooses not to built any connections like that with very few and often quickly fading exceptions). God I love that both Lata and Carlos give him two different choices in how he could deal with his issues. It's been a constant open helping hand from them and Mary and John has pushed it aside everytime. It is deeply frustrating to see but also very much in character.

Deanna mention! Eyyyyy!

Tracy is Mary's equivalent to Dean's Lee. Like sure the relationships are wildly different but both Tracy and Lee ultimately represent the same thing for Mary and Dean, hope for a normal life without hunting only to have that dream crushed because of the way both Tracy and Lee went about achieving it, through monstrous means in both of their cases. They are both the exception to the rule (they got out) while simultaneously acting as a cautionary tale about how far should you go to achieve your goal/dream. And while Carlos says they were being dramatic in the Pilot about how hunters end up, it was still the truth, so much so that Mary was shocked to realize she actually does know someone who, as far as she knows so far, got what she wants. And John has to point this out to her. So again, it's the exception to the rule not the norm and in this case the exception isnt even fully accurate because of how Tracy left things.

Another fun fact I thought bout while grinning like a dumbass whenever Carlos spoke this episode? It's their general approach to hunting that has kept them alive this long ultimately, the "mellow out" that John was so pissed about, the "how much weed you could grow" comment. It tells me that while Carlos clearly understands the urgency and pressure and responsability of hunting, they also know not to get lost in them, not to consume themselves trying to solve a case. Carlos, it seems to me based on what we've seen, has learned very early on that things being taken seriously does not mean you have to torture yourself if you can't do something right that instant. Something the Winchester's have never really been able to do. It's made clear multiple times that Carlos does remember the people they weren't able to save and the people they personally lost, but at the same time, that loss and those past failure have been used as a learning platform, get what you need outta that experience, deal with it, then move on as much as you can, put all those experiences into being better in the future, there's no point killing yourself over something you can't change, you just learn to do better going forward. And while Carlos treats things seeming without any seriousness, I've been mentioning every episode how in truth they are the ones who've been behind the scenes, putting (likely very stylish) boots to the ground, a perfect counterpart to Lata's intelectual work. They may act irreverent, but they certainly do the job when it's necessary.

"Kill or be killed" is how Tracy sums up hunting life and while Mary, Carlos and John all have some degree of resignation/grief about that statement, Lata's reaction is different. And we of course know why, shes a pacifist, she doesn't kill, can be killed sure, but hasn't so far. This episode Lata feels most like an outsider to her friends because is she a hunter? By Tracy's definition she def isn't, by Samuel's definition she like isn't either and ofc Mary in the Pilot def didn't think she was hunter material. But this is overturned by the end of the episode (will add thoughts then)

*cannot believe I've written this much and only watched 7 min of the episode*

And speaking of Carlos again to prove my point! Mary, Lata and John are checking out the body and then Mary notices Carlos isn't there. Turns out they just took off a bit to investigate on their own and brought back a vital piece of the puzzle, a claw. Once more Carlos is putting in the work, doing it flawlessly all while also finding the space to make jokes. It's honestly this trait of theirs that most reminds me of Dean.

I love the funeral scene 🥲

I will say it is much more spiritual and culturally significant that what we have in spn, but we've seen close-enough funerals on spn. We see it with John's a bit, despite the focus there being complicated mess of feelings about what John's last words were. We have Asa Fox's funeral that is very much making clear there is a hunter's culture and it's important and we see it with Cas', the reverence with which Dean wraps him up in 13x01.

There is something else significant about the funeral scene though. And it's the illusion shattering for John. I think he'd likely convinced himself when he found out about Tracy and after the convo in the van that actually hunting isn't that dangerous, see people can get out, Carlos was just dramatic. But the funeral and the fact that there is a ritual to it for hunters made it real for him and made him aware of the danger Mary has been and is in every hunt she goes on and that no matter how good you are ("Darla was one of the good ones" has multiple meanings here) you are not imune to death.

Tracy having completely removed everything related to hunting is a perfect parallel to spn!Mary and her having done seemingly nothing to prepare for the 10 years coming up (Tracy has been out of hunting for 10 years too btw)

I love that Lata talks about her concerns with Carlos, that she doesn't keep it in. And I also love that they don't give her empty platitudes as a response. It shows Carlos genuinely listened to her and took it in and is considering her stance.

Anton!!! Yesssss!!!

The way Carlos freezes after just shit talking Anton omg. The pure disaster bi vibes are immaculate! And it's still less disaster then Dean and Aaron 😂

Deanna mention once more, she's maaaaybe in Minnesota or was recently. Deanna and Samuel have separated in the past, something Mary seems surprised by. Samuel was the one to go get her back which is intereting here, with Deanna being the one to leave the home... so in this case Samuel is a Mary mirror and Deanna is the John mirror (think Dark Side of the Moon Mary and John). But like I said before, the Winchester-Campbell romantic relationships seem to have always been fraught with a on again off again vibe. I'd like to mention Sam and Dean both count here as well ( think both Cassie and Lisa and Cas, even Benny, for Dean, Sam and Eileen obviously, even Sam and Amelia work here tbh, we might've seen it with Jess had she not died since we know Sam was lying about who he was to her)

I do like Tracy's advice to Mary though, she should look out for number one, herself, but there is a way of doing that without having to step on corpses which is where Tracy fucked up.

I love and hate this thing in Anton's shop, I see it everytime it's on screen and it always startles me. Sorry, entirely left field but yea... it haunts me so... y'all have to see it too

John really thought he was doing something here. He has been dying to make this case somehow related to the bigger picture he is in fact obssessing over, but in doing so he jumps to conclusions. Not a good look, jumping in thinking you're right without having all the info, especially with hunting where having the wrong info will get u killed (read spn!john was a shit hunter teacher/leader to Sam and Dean because he withheld info)

"Mac was impatient and took of after it" John hears Tracy tell them and decides to just do the same shit... goddamn.

I appreciate Carlos patching John up, cuz medic! Wish we'd see more of that.

I adore it when Lata is enjoying her morbid curiosity about monster physionomy. Cuz I get it! And Anton being the same is soo fun. I also have to give her props for how she saved Carlos there, gave them an out since they're really all over the place with Anton. But in doing so she kinda revealed a bit about herself. I hope the fact that Anton's reaction to Carlos being "squeamish" was to be understanding probably on some level helps with her own issues regarding where she fits in as a hunter.

The sheer joy on her face at the ectoplasm is just soo fun!

I love that Mary confrunts John here, and I say confrunts but really what she's doing is checking in and trying to offer her help, giving him another option to deal with his shit, in addition to the ones he got from Lata and Carlos at the beginning of the episode. And once it's clear he's not willing to listen and may pose a threat to himself and them, because he isn't thinking through his actions, thats when she brings up taking a break. She does get him to talk a bit. Ohhhh, I love that she hears him mention the funeral and what he thought about it and rolls her eyes. Because she has tried to make it clear from the get go what the stakes are, she's never had the benefit of ignoring the life and death of hunting so John coming here suddenly claiming to be spun out because of that is not just ridiculous, but almost insulting, that he's essentially putting his behaviour on her. Absolutely love that scene. But the moment John says he isn't joining, I knew he was going to do the stupid thing.

Ok, we're getting into the Mac of it all and that usually gets me fired up so let me just mention this about it: Tracy and the others thought Mac was paranoid bout them attacking him so they decided to ... and here's the kicker... attack him. Thus validating his worry and completely proving him correct aka Mac cannot be described as paranoid, Tracy, because paranoia requires irrationality and you fuckers attacked him exactly like he feared thus rationality.

More about this : Mary is correct when she says Tracy lied. Tracy said Mac ran impulsively after the soucouyant and the cave in just happened, that was a lie. Not a lie by ommision (tho that too is still a lie), but a true complete lie, and def not a "didnt tell you everything" situation. And here we get into monster/monstrous territory again with Carlos saying they've been hunting the "wrong monster". And I do genuinely believe that when Carlos refers to monsters, they do so as monstrous aka the behaviour makes them monsters not anything inherent to their species.

Ah, "wielded him like some kind of weapon". Lata really summed it up perfectly here. And the contempt on her face and in her voice are exactly how I feel about it ( and about how Dean was treated throughout, Sam and Cas and Jack too tbh) I also adore that Tracy keeps trying to rationalize her (and the other's) behavior but no one is buying it. Appreciate that a lot.

"Started a farm and played make-belief" is also a very important line because yea thats what she did, but more importantly, that's to some degree what spn!Mary herself tried to do. Moreover, the story makes it clear that Tracy actually does not understand Mary's reasoning for quitting hunting at all. That distinction is important. And the similarity between spn!Mary and Tracy's situations is also important. Because while spn!Mary was planning on leaving hunting, it was ultimately the fact that she lost everyone tying her to hunting that actually got her to leave, not a choice she made for herself, but rather one made for her when Azazel killed her parents and John, her only choice then being to revive John to be able to move forward in some way. John also made it easy to play make belief as well which helped. But even then Mary didn't actually kill anyone, it wasn't that kind of guilt that made her quit hunting. But it was still the consequences of hunting and choices she made while hunting that led to her death, much like Tracy nearly dies here.

Sooo yea, I am very very mad about what they did to Mac and I will continue to be.

God, John you are so dumb.

The fucking handprint on the barn door of the soucouyant is soooooo Something Wicked Striga vibes and I hate it, but John is behaving similar enough that the tiny call back is relevant af here.

I will say, it is very important I think that while they did recognize the similarity to Mac, Mary, Lata and Carlos instead chose to offer help to John, multiple times, each in a dif way. And on a macro scale, I also wanna say the way the show tackled this is important to me, because like I've been saying, John here is very spn!John and as I've said before, I kinda hate John in spn a lot. But even with the parallel drawing from Mac and my being angry on behalf of Mac here, it doesn't detract from the fact John is and has been (and technically will be if nothing changes and spn happens) fucking up. Pretty badly. But it is never brushed aside or excused. He is offered help, yes, but he is also challenged and confrunted when he goes overboard or tries to rationalize his own behaviour. Mary makes it clear she won't stand for him using her as an excuse not to deal with his bullshit, but she is there for him anyways. Ultimately, John is both a Mac mirror and a potential Tracy mirror here, the way Mary is an imperfect Tracy mirror. It's not 1 to 1, it can't be, but it's the ways it compares and contrasts them that make it so interesting to delve into.

Another fun thing, Mac is very clearly only after the people who hurt him, he pushes Carlos outta the way, but doesn't kill him. He only tries to attack Mary because she keeps preventing him and even then he tries to just push her outta the way.

I love that Lata doesn't try to say she knows what Mac went through, because she can't possibly, but she can let him know what she's been through and allow him to make the coice for himself whether he thinks she understands him or not, whether he needs to keep the cycle of violence going or not after he listens.

In other news, Lata's story here, after knowing what happened, is so much more interesting because while yes, her hitting her father after what happened to Sonia was a response of her anger and it did have the consequences of him responding to it by taking it out on Sonia, part of that anger I think also has to do with Lata leaving without Sonia, something she did also out of anger. It was both these things that cost Sonia her life. So Lata is right that letting urself drown in anger until it consumes you is wrong and there is a choice to be made there. But Mac is also correct in that their stories are different enough that there are other things he needs answers to. Because that was the thing with Mac, he needed to understand why they did what they did when he trusted them.

For all that I've shittalked Tracy the last few paragraphs, her parting words to Mary are the whole point, cuz yea, it wasn't the hunting that was the issue, it was Tracy's decisions that compromised her life outside of hunting. Tho I will say, I personally dont think returning to hunting is the only way she could've made up for things, that was another choice she made. Because ultimately what's done is done and no good you do going forward will erase the past. But also, no bad you did in the past can erase the good you do now. So it's less about hunting, more about Tracy asociating hunting with doing good and thus alleviating her guilt. She could've found something else to do that would've put good into the world, but this was the one she chose/preferred.

Oh Carlos, I love you for having actually taken the time to answer her question afterall. Also love their friendship soooo much. The very thoughtful moments and the ones when they bicker.

John making progress is soo nice to see. It's so good that it's not just him saying Mary was right, but actually offering a bit more information to her, opening up. And then trying to do something about it all by joining Lata. It's an odd feeling being proud of John Winchester, usually my thoughts about him are that I wanna punch him in the throat. And there was plenty of that in this episode tbh, more than the 1st 3 ep of the show had, but I don't actually mind the pride either. It's sth about people changing and being willing to try that gets to me.

I do love the symetry of the end of the episode. The meditation, Dean's voice over, the interruption. It reinforces what Lata said, it is a choice. One she makes everyday, even with the interactions, even with the world's fate being in balance, even with cases like the one they just did hitting waaay to close to home. Still she chooses to try again and again despite them, for herself and her own happiness.

See y'all for ep 7 I guess and still hoping for a season 2 cuz I'm way too invested in these characters not to want more.

[the-lupine-sojourner]

The Story Traveller Saga [Book 1: Martin the Warrior] [Martin/Rose included]

Hi there!

I had this idea for Ayana as a 'Story Traveller' for a while and I'm finally starting the journey!

For those not familiar with Brian Jacques' Redwall series, it is a very wonderful (in my opinion) series of 22-ish books set in a really fun area called Mossflower. The titular Redwall is an abbey made of red sandstone and is populated by peaceful woodlanders such as mice, hedgehogs, otters, sometimes shrews, moles, etc. The villains in the stories are always foxes, weasels, stoats, ferrets, etc that threaten Redwall in some way.

Another location is Salamandastron, the mountain stronghold of warrior badgers and the Long Patrol hares.

In general, the plot is bad guys decide to attack Redwall, the abbey had to defend itself, someone is named Warrior of Redwall (picking up a famous sword wielded by Martin the Warrior, one of Redwall's founders), and the day is saved eventually. That's a really rough oversimplification, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say.

I will point out that this is Martin's origin story, with the story of how he helped found Redwall coming right after I finish this book! :)

Btw, if you like my writing, please consider buying me a ko-fi, or if you want, you can continuously support me writing stories by joining my Patreon!

Anyway, I will let you guys read the prologue for now, and I hope you guys like it! Any questions are welcome! (or if you wanna be on a taglist, please let me know!)

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

My life was changed by four little words.

"Ayana…it's your grandmother." My heart dropped to my toes as my aunt sobbed over the phone, telling me my ailing grandmother was gone, passing quietly in her sleep.

It was the ideal way to go, but that doesn't dull the pain of her loss at all.

All too soon, I sit at her funeral, tears a steady stream down my face. Then, we all went from the memorial (held the day after the funeral) to the will reading.

It was fairly standard, really. My uncle and his wife got the house, and the grandchildren were to split my grandmother's clothes and other belongings among ourselves…except, apparently, her books.

"The personal library of Elizabeth MacBurrow is to be given to her granddaughter, Ayana MacBurrow, in its entirety, along with the enclosed envelope in its entirety."

Murmurs rang through the room. I myself was shocked. Nana and I had always been close but I hadn't expected this. No one had. 

She'd always say I was the only one of her grandkids that would really listen to her bedtime stories (wonderful stories about heroes and villains, told through woodland animals) or let her talk to me about those books she loved (her bedtime stories were probably inspired by those books), but I never thought this would happen.

Now I have more books than I know what to do with, and a weird envelope. What was inside, I have no idea.

But, I have to go up and get the envelope, trying to ignore the murmurs still ringing around the room.

Strangely, it felt like there was something in it. Some small object, most likely made of metal as well as whatever paper was clearly inside.

I walk back to my seat, where my siblings tried to look at the envelope, but I tuck it into my purse, refusing to open it til I was alone.

I shrink into my seat, wishing this will reading was over already.

=#=#=#=#=

My mom, bless her, knew I wanted to be alone, so she didn't let anyone stop me from going to my room.

There, I lock the door and flop on my bed so I could finally open the mysterious envelope I'd gotten from Nana.

In it, as I thought, was a letter, and…a ring?

It was a lovely silver ring, looking like something an ancient king would wear, patterned a bit like a snake with an emerald for the snake's eye.

I frown. Why would Nana give me this, and her books? This makes no sense…

I open the letter, hoping that would clarify things.

My dear Ayana,

I'm afraid I don't have very long left in this life. I've made my peace with that, as sad as I know you and your family will be.

I've always felt that you were the most like me out of all the grandchildren. You are the only one with stars in your eyes, eager for an adventure. So I left my library to you, along with this ring.

I stumbled on this ring at an estate auction I attended years ago with your grandfather before his passing.

It took a long time to discover its wonderful ability, as I'm sure you will discover for yourself.

It may be frightening at first, but if my instincts are correct, you will grow to love the adventures the ring will unlock for you.

Remember always, dear child, that I love you. I will always be thankful I got to nurture your love of reading and adventures. I hope that passion continues to flourish in you.

I love you always,

Nana

Tears blur my vision. What does all this mean? What does this ring do? What does Nana want me to do?!

Not sure what else to do, I try the ring on my fingers. Turns out, it fits best on my left pointer finger. I twist it on my finger absently. Nana's books would be given to me tomorrow, more than likely. We lived fairly close to Nana's house, and we were planning on going through Nana's stuff tomorrow anyway.

I flop on my bed, sighing heavily. Nana had always been a bit eccentric but I loved that about her. I could listen to her stories for hours! I always felt like she and I sort of understood each other…

Now…I'm not sure what she's asking me to do. Does she want me to read her whole library? Or just…whatever I want to read from it? And why give me the ring? This makes no sense! Couldn't you have written a clearer note, Nana!? Why'd you have to be so enigmatic about something like this?

Feeling helpless and unsure, I fiddle with the ring as more tears flow.

=#=#=#=#=

Dinner had been awkward, and I wasn't looking forward to the trip over to Nana's house, or the influx of questions I was sure to get.

I'd been grilled about the envelope at dinner so much that Mom and Dad had to step in and tell them to leave me alone. Dinner ended up with me finishing my meal alone in my room, the door locked. Eventually, I fell asleep, still feeling awful I couldn't decipher Nana's note.

True to my prediction, my cousins are eager to know about the letter, so I hid in one of Nana's spare bedrooms to try to calm down as my parents explain the situation.

They'd knocked on my door last night and I let them in, letting them read the letter. They were as confused as I am, and agreed to not talk too much about it.

Eventually, the conversation grows quiet so I come out to find a few boxes of books ready to go and my parents boxing up more of Nana's library.

There were a lot, and I go to help them.

My parents had sent my cousins away to start looking at Nana's glassware collection, which I wasn't interested in at all.

"You ok, honey?" Mom asks gently as we close up a box of books.

"I dunno. I still feel…numb, I guess." I confess. "And a little overwhelmed with all these books and this ring business."

"We're here for you, Ayana. You know that, right?"

I nod.

"I know. I really appreciate you keeping the vultures away." I quip, trying for a smile.

"Couldn't let them munch on my baby!" Mom also tries for a smile, but neither of us can quite manage it.

One of my cousins, Rosemary, walks up. "Hey, Annie." She greets. It was a nickname my family had started, and I never minded it.

"Hey, Mary." I retort, using her nickname.

"I'm sorry for bombarding you with questions earlier. I just got so excited by what might be in that letter and I didn't even think of how you felt about it." Rosemary murmurs, sitting beside me. Mom and Dad move away to oversee what was going on in the basement.

"I can understand that curiosity. I am still trying to figure it out myself, I guess as a distraction from how I got the ring and letter."

"I get that." Rosemary chuckles a little and rubs my back. "Hey, um, we females are going to go over Nana's other jewelry if you want to take a look."

"...Ok."

We go into Nana's bedroom, where her jewelry had been spread about the foot of the bed, a few pieces already on my cousins' hands, wrists, or necks.

"Hey, Annie." A few greet, no one wanting to awkwardly apologize for their behavior, but I could see the remorse and regret in their eyes, so I let it slide and start peeking at jewelry.

The rest of the day passes fairly uneventfully (my wardrobe a little fuller with some sweaters, cardigans, and coats of Nana's with a few trinkets wrapped up in clothes, a small box of pins, a few necklaces, and a few pairs of earrings) and soon we were unloading the many boxes of books into our living room where my parents were partway through making some bookshelves to house my new books.

I open a box of books Nana seemed to have read a lot, judging by the wear to the outside. I reach inside and grab a random book, heading to my room.

I barely get three pages in before I fall asleep, feeling like I was falling, but I wasn't scared as the darkness envelopes me.

[fragilecapric0rnn]

I posted 4,202 times in 2022

That's 4,182 more posts than 2021!

125 posts created (3%)

4,077 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gothbat99

@greenlikethesea

@gingerbreadmunson

@hotcocoaharrington

@gullbones

I tagged 2,123 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 323 posts

#steddie - 297 posts

#fanart - 130 posts

#steve harrington - 84 posts

#eddie munson - 65 posts

#fic - 62 posts

#sen writes - 54 posts

#writing - 45 posts

#steddie fic rec - 41 posts

#steddie fic - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#obviously so i can send them a quick lil ‘ur story ruined me thank you’ message but to also rb their posts abt it/rec their fics on my blog

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

you can take your heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost

The Steddie Missed Connections AU || Chapters: 6/6 || Complete 

Thanksgiving 2009.

Steve, who is about to host the brood of children (who somehow aren't children anymore) in a cabin for the long weekend, after a semi-bad week, all while batting off Dustin's attempts at playing matchmaker and dodging phone calls from his mother. And at some point some strange man on the internet broadcasts his worst public moment for the other Craigslist freaks to see.

What could go wrong? Or right?

Steve is finding his life to be very different than he thought it would be. He’s also finding that maybe that’s okay.

59 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

#4

It’s Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day and there happen to be some writers that I appreciate and want to show my love to them for sharing their talents with us! 

(Steddie Edition bc they are on the mind 24/7)

The Steddie brainrot has led me to reading a TON of fic. So, I am finally making a rec list of all of the fics that have not been able to leave my brain since they walked into my life. 

As I was compiling this list I noticed a running theme and that is that these are all future fics and what can I say? I’m just a simple girl who’s a sucker for Steve/Eddie in the 90s/early 2000s. I think it has something to do with my love for romcoms from this era and thinking of them as older just makes me want to fall to the floor. 

So here they are, in no particular order: 

1. the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic; 

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?” 

Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth. (Word Count: 34,990)

The way that this fic bore into my soul, I seriously can’t think about it for too long without getting emotional. This one feels like a given considering the fact that I am now getting TikToks my fyp of people out of context referring to this fic, which is how I stumbled upon a recommendation of it. If you haven’t read it yet, PLEASE DO. It’s a national treasure at this point. 

2. Let us Dwell in Fair Ithilien and There Make a Garden series by @sparklyslug and @greenlikethesea (Word Count: 61,151) (Description from Three Weddings and a Funeral) 

Steve Harrington falls in love and gets married. Not in that order. Some other stuff happens along the way too. But those are the two big things. That first one especially.

(Or: celebrations of life)

This series, much like aforementioned most remarkable thing, is set mostly in the future with the gang as adults, and Steve and Eddie dancing around their feelings for each other for nearly 15 years. That is a gross oversimplification in my opinion because it is honestly so much more than that! Like, it’s set in the future, but there is time jumping, and references to previous parts of the series, its just it’s own universe within the ST universe! Ugh, I got flustered trying to put coherent thoughts to how much I fucking love this series and the way that these two have crafted am entirely new canon for me to latch onto. Go read this. Like right now. I also suggest reading it in the writers’ suggested hard mode! 

3. Keep It for Me by @stereobone; 

It's 1993, and Steve is attending Lucas and Max's wedding. It's 1993, and no one has seen Eddie Munson in seven years. (Word Count: 9,741)

For one thing, the little NorCal girl in me was foaming at the mouth at the thought of a chunk of the party living in The Bay Area as adults. This one has the meeting again years later element, which is just so good! This also has writer!Eddie which made my heart burst, and the pining and reunification of it all. Again, I have a hard time putting words to how much this fic has nestled its way into my heart! Repeat: GO READ IT!!!

4. alone again, or by @pizzaqueen; 

It’s 1991 and Steve is still in Hawkins, still living with his mother, still single, and still working at Family Video. At least he’s the manager now, for whatever that’s worth. But he’s stuck here while Robin and Dustin and everyone else have moved away. Moved on.

Well, everyone except for Eddie.

They're best friends, spend most of their time together, and it's nice to have a friend like that. But Steve is still looking for love with a capital "L". At least, he thinks he is. (Word Count: 20,765)

This one is definitely different than the ones I talked about above. But, this one is still fucking fantastic! More of a coming-of-age vibe in a we’re twenty somethings and life looks a lot different than we thought it would and I think thats okay kind of way. Which spoke to me in a way that I also kind of need right now as a twenty something who feels just like that :’) Also love the character of Steve’s mom, which is something we don’t see a lot of, Steve having a supportive parent, and it is very sweetly written. This fic felt like a popsicle on a warm day. READ! IT!

Again, happy Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day! Let’s keep showing our favorite writers love every day of the year! 

107 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#3

Steddie Fic Rec #2

Like most, the Steddie brainrot is still very much active. I’ve also discovered that I love making rec lists, so here is another! There’s not much cohesion to these ones other than the fact that I just really enjoyed them, so you should enjoy them too!  

In order by word count:  

Up the Punks by @sparklyslug 

Steve has good intentions, but does not realize that punks and metalheads are natural enemies

Explicit. Completed. (Word Count: 5,505)

Oh, sparklyslug, how you’ve managed to steal my heart with your Steve and Eddie in only five thousand-ish words. As if I could expect anything less from ½ of the brains behind the Fair Ithilien series, it makes perfect sense for their solo work to be fantastic! 

This fic is perfect if you’re looking for something short, sweet, and hilarious. Like the dialogue and characterization is just so *chefs kiss* I could basically see the interactions very clearly in my head and it’s just too good too perfect. 

the boys of summer by steveharringtoned

(Steve knows Eddie’s alive. Wayne’s the only one who believes him. So they team up to save him.)

Not Rated. Completed. (Word Count: 19,926) 

A very creative fix-it fic and like a very interesting and creative way in which Eddie is saved. I am honestly such a sucker for Uncle Wayne being included in the plot of fics, especially in the context of him being like ok sure there’s another dimension being hidden by the government, so how the hell do we save my boy. And Steve. He is just so stupidly brave and the characterization of him and his grief in this fic is just so good and different than what we typically see in fics from his POV. The dude is hurting and sometimes being hurt can be ugly and the way the writer shows that is just sooooo gooooood. 

all the missing girls are hanging out without us by @greatunironic 

“Here is a riddle: the answer is one.” Eddie Munson lives, and dies, and lives again.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 20,761) 

Another instance in which greatunironic does THAT. I have seen people call this a kind of feminist take on the ways in which the D*ffer Bros treat their women characters as plot devices and dispose of them at ease for the sake of the plot, and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t want to give too much away in this, but I will say this: Eddie’s characterization in this is SO GOOD. He spends the first chunk convincing himself that he’s tripping balls and if that isn’t an Eddie mood than idk what is. 

Quick note: the Steddie in this fic is more implied and is not the central focus of this fic. 

Not Exactly Napa Valley by @twiceasfar

The fake relationship AU that literally no one asked for. Featuring Steve and Robin as platonic soulmates, a destination wedding to a winery, and a thrilling quest to piss off Steve’s parents.

Robin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Eddie would be the perfect date for the wedding!”

Steve freezes.

“Whose wedding?” Eddie asks.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 28,900)  

This fic reminded my how much I love the fake dating trope. I always find it interesting to see everybody’s different takes on what Steve’s parents are like, and how we just all agree that they’re awful. Despite that, this fic was very fluffy and had me blushing and giggling like a child. The buildup was so good and the pace was perfect and I honestly love this fic so much. 

The Spaces In Between by @indibdraws

Steve Harrington, ex-lifeguard and babysitter extraordinaire, happens to be blessed with knowledge of first aid. Eddie is the recipient of this aid, and as he recovers he must learn to live with the fact that he owes his life to a prom-king with a 12 step haircare routine. This would be easier if he didn’t find said prom king so uncomfortably attractive.

And if the world would stop ending for five minutes.

Geez.

Explicit. Not Complete. (Word Count: 80,210) 

Typically, I try not to read fics that are unfinished, but this one ended up on my dashboard 5 times in the span of an hour and my impulse control is bad and THANK GOD IT IS BECAUSE HOLY HELL. THIS FIC. This writer should be in the writer’s room for s5 and it is honestly a crime that they aren’t. Like yes, this is a Steve/Eddie fic, but it is also SO much more. The use of canon to create an ending that was satisfying to the store and gave the characters their justice. I cannot explain how much this fic has ended up imbedding its way into my heart and soul. As soon as it's completed, I'm going to reread it again and again and even when s5 premieres I am probably going to prefer this over canon until the day that I die.

See the full post

150 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

#2

How it feels when I see new photos of Joe Keery

332 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

LISTEN. I was ready to ride the Steve Becomes A Teacher train all the way home. It’s in my fics, it’s in my planned fics. But but but LISTEN. 

Steve becoming a first responder? 

A little bit post-S4, Steve is driving home to Hawkins after moving to Indy/Chicago/a major city that’s still within reasonable driving distance for him to come see the kids. Eddie is in the passenger seat and they’re zooming down the highway, one of those picture perfect moments where they’re singing along to a Madonna song, that Eddie was complaining about just moments ago. 

Steve, always striving to be the safest driver on the road, mostly because he is almost always transporting precious cargo in the form of his loved ones, isn’t the one who sees it at first. It isn’t until Eddie loudly gasps and points out a pretty horrific car accident unfolding before their eyes in the next lane over. 

Steve pulls off to the side, a fair distance behind wreck. One of the cars is turned completely around in the other direction, the front smashed in. The other cars are also damaged, but the passengers are getting out. No one has gotten out of the turned around car. 

Without a word, without questions from either of them, the two get out of the Beamer. Eddie goes up to the other cars, a woman who’s crying her eyes out and a young family all looking spooked out of their minds, but all seemingly alright. All of this is happening in Steve’s peripheral because he is now sprinting toward the car that no one has gotten out of. He sees the shape of the driver, head laid back on the headrest, unconscious. 

“Don’t move her!” “We need to wait for help!” Bystanders yell at him. Steve doesn’t respond, the driver door now open, as he checks the girl, who looks so young that mental images of one of his kids being in her place flash across his brain, tug at his heart. 

“Eddie!” He yells past the lump in his throat, but it looks like his boyfriend was already reading his mind, as he runs over with the first aid kit that’s always stationed in the trunk of his car. 

He finds her pulse as Eddie settles beside him. He’s checking for broken bones as the girl comes to. He’s telling her to sit back and that everything is okay as Eddie is yelling at the crowd forming around them to back up, he knows what he’s doing. 

Steve gets the flashlight out of the kit, shining it in her eyes, asking her what her name is, what day it is, who the president is, she hesitates to answer but answers all the questions. 

Eddie isn’t sure if this first aid knowledge is from all the times Steve’s been assessed after all the Upside Down shit or if it’s because of his own research, though he realizes as watches Steve keep the girl calm and gently keep her from moving around at all, it’s both. 

Eddie continues to watch when the ambulance gets to the scene. He watches Steve tell the EMTs that the girl is concussed and has no other visible injuries. He watches as they assess her themselves and as they ask Steve if he’s off duty, motioning to his extensive first aid kit. Steve just says he’s had his fair share of emergencies and he knows what he’s doing. 

After the ambulance leaves, Steve and Eddie walking back to their car, even though traffic is backed up all the way to their apartment it seems, Eddie can’t stop thinking about how easily Steve fit into the “hero” role. How, sure, it’s residual Savior Of The World shit, but can’t it also be more now that the world is saved? 

When they’re back on the road, hours later, and close to home, Eddie asks, 

“Have you ever thought about becoming a paramedic?” 

Steve doesn’t say anything. But he’s thinking. No, he hasn’t thought about it. But maybe he should start thinking about it. 

738 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cavalierious-whim]

Signed, Sealed, and Delivered, Chapter 5/7

The night of the Merger Dinner doesn't quite go as planned. 

CW: Making out in the Coat Closet, Mild Angst

Be sure to check this chapter out on AO3 as well!

--

The suit that Zhongli bought him fits like a glove but Childe didn’t expect anything else but perfection. Zhongli might be more relaxed around him, letting those sharp edges of his being soften slightly, but outside of their quiet little world, he’s still a famous CEO with all eyes and ears on him. 

“I think you’re more nervous than I am,” murmurs Zhongli, not unkindly. It’s warm, affectionate, even. He brushes off the shoulder of Childe’s suit, picking at non-existent loose threads. 

Childe might be. He hasn’t been to a function like this since he fucked off from his family. Perhaps conference dinners are different in Liyue—but he isn’t holding his breath. These sorts of things are always the same no matter who is involved. “I’m…”

Zhongli leans forward and kisses his forehead, a lingering touch as he nuzzles the skin there. “You’ll be fine. I’m here to help.”

“I don’t need help,” says Childe quickly. A pause, and then: “Do you think I need help?”

“No,” says Zhongli with a chuckle, “but they will side-eye you a bit if you don’t use chopsticks. Have you been promising?” He has, not that Zhongli needs to know. Childe snorts, sneering. “Truly, though,” continues Zhongli, “it will be fine. This isn’t a grandiose thing.”

“You’re just announcing your retirement.” Childe sighs, pulling back to straighten the collar of Zhongli’s dress shirt. “No biggie, or anything.”

“While it isn’t public knowledge, it isn’t entirely unknown. Anyone within my general sphere has likely figured it out.”

“But the press—”

“I’ve talked about it too, in passing. Little nods here and there that things will be slowing down for me. It won’t come as a surprise. Don’t you remember the article in Liyuean Men?” Oh, he does, but only because he’d jacked off to pictures of Zhongli, clad in fine suits, the collar of his shirt undone to his navel.

Childe hesitates, smoothing his fingers down the length of Zhongli’s perfectly tailored suit jacket. “I’m just… still surprised? I mean, you aren’t that old—”

“It isn’t about my age.” Zhongli laughs lightly. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand, Childe, but when it comes to business, it’s all about timing. Sometimes it’s in everyone’s better interest to end something early, in its prime before it’s run its course. I do not wish to become thin and ragged, and so…” He waves vaguely. “I’d rather retire early and enjoy the rest of my life than do so too late and come to regret it.”

“I guess I figured you’d throw yourself into work since you didn’t have anyone.”

Zhongli’s expression melts into something fond. “Yes, well, that doesn’t matter now, does it?” He tugs Childe’s hand to his mouth, kissing it softly. “Besides, I’ve told you that I always had plans to ask you out—”

“You don’t need to remind me!” Childe can feel how his face burns pink. “I just—” His tongue is thick in his mouth and awkward. “Look, shouldn’t we get out there? Be early?”

“I enjoy teasing you.” Zhongli dips forward then, crossing the space between them. The kiss he gives Childe is sweet, simple, even, just a quick peck that leaves Childe weak-kneed and legs like jelly. Fuck, he’s just so gone. “But you’re correct, we should find our seats.”

“I’ll be fine,” says Childe. “I’m just… awkward.” An oversimplification. 

Zhongli holds his arm out expectantly and Childe slips his own through. “It’s just dinner. Low-stress.”

For some reason, though, worry curdles Childe. 

#

It is Childe’s first time around Zhongli’s coworkers but it feels as though he’s known them his entire life. 

He knows it isn’t because he’s good at wooing people, well versed in putting on a show and bending others to his will. Childe was a closer in this sort of business, called in to impress and seal the deal. This crowd is different. Childe goes into the dinner blind, knowing no names and recognizing only one face, having seen it almost everyday just outside Zhongli’s office.

“Childe,” greets Ganyu when as he sits down, opening the table and easing the tension. The rest follow suit.

“So—” Ningguang is another business partner, not employed in Archon Industries but affiliated nonetheless. She swirls her wind glass as she looks Childe up and down. “Zhongli has told us about you—”

“He has?” Childe’s voice cracks lightly.

A woman in a suit beside Ningguang bursts into laughter. “What do you mean ‘He has’? This idiot won’t shut up about you—”

“Beidou—” Zhongli tries to cut in to no avail.

“—blah, blah, Childe, yadda yadda, boyfriend. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

“Boyfriend?”

Zhongli is pink in the face, tugging at his collar. “I—well—that is to say—”

“It is assumed, I think,” says Ganyu, saving the awkward conversation. She has a sort of poise about her that’s soothing and Childe thinks that it’s no coincidence that she’s Zhongli’s hand-picked secretary. “Mr. Lapis is succinct with his words but when it comes to personal affairs, he’s more private.”

“That is it, yes.” Zhongli tugs at his suit jacket primly. “But, for the sake of introduction—” He gestures to Childe with a flourish of his finely boned wrist. “I’m pleased for everyone to meet Childe, my partner.”

They’re exclusive, of course, but neither of them ever put a label on exactly where they lie. In Childe’s heart, Zhongli is one thing alone—and it warms him that Zhongli apparently feels the same. Not that there was a doubt, but it means the world none the less.

“I—yes. Hi, I’m Childe.” Not the most articulate but at least he manages words.

Ningguang regards him with a shrewd gaze, eyebrows drawn so high they nearly meet her hairline. Beidou laughs again, slapping the table in a way that is decidedly inappropriate. Childe doesn’t miss the tiny twitch of Zhongli’s mouth as he frowns. 

“I have to say, you aren’t exactly Zhongli’s—”

“Are you already teasing him?” Beidou gives Ningguang a curling grin. “Let young love live!”

“Zhongli is hardly young—”

“Hey, I’m not exactly a kid either,” cuts in Childe rather defensively. “We aren’t that different in age.”

Beidou’s gaze slides to him. “She didn’t say you were a kid.”

“She said, young love.”

“Look, here’s the deal, kid—”

“So you do think I’m a kid—”

Ningguang presses a hand against Beidou’s arm, squeezing it. “Stop teasing him.” Then she looks at Childe. “We’ve known Zhongli for over a decade and he’s never…” She waves vaguely. “He talks about you an incessant amount. It’s cute. You’re just not what we expected.”

Zhongli talks about him. At length. It’s cute? Oh. Childe’s mouth goes dry and he licks his lips. But that begs the question— “What exactly did you expect?”

“A woman?”

Ganyu reaches out and smacks Beidou’s bicep. “Rude,” she snaps, defensive of her boss. Childe hides a smirk behind his palm, laughter bleeding through him.

“If we’re done laughing at my expense,” says Zhongli, “I would like to enjoy my dinner in peace. The moment I make the announcement, I’ll know anything but.”

Ganyu levels Beidou with a surprisingly dangerous look and to Childe’s surprise, the other woman backs away. Ninggaung is amused, leaning close to whisper something into her ear, and Ganyu returns to her dinner with a strangely smug expression.

Childe leans over to Zhongli. “She’s a little protective, eh?”

“Miss Ganyu is invaluable. Loyal, too.”

“And when you retire?”

“She’ll remain my accountant, I assure you.”

Childe grins at that. “Yeah, as terrible with money as you are, you’ll need it.”

The dinner continues on like that—mild bickering and bantering. Mostly poking fun at Zhongli’s expense because apparently, he doesn’t really get out, let alone date. It’s cute. A little bit warm. Childe loves watching Zhongli loosen underneath friendly teasing, and even the nervousness eases from his own stiff shoulders.

Zhongli notices, looking at him with an affectionate gaze. A presses a hand against Childe’s knee underneath the table, squeezing tightly. Then it stays, resting there, a gentle weight against his leg. 

Childe is surprised that the touch doesn’t raise anything more than warm fuzzies in his chest. 

#

Zhongli is a natural speaker in front of a crowd. Childe’s been in love with his voice for years but there’s something about the way that he croons into a microphone, everyone in the room leaning in on his every word. Deep timbre. Fluid inflection. Zhongli could make anything sound sexy, even a retirement speech about himself.

Childe’s cock twitches as he shifts in his seat. 

Nothing escapes Beidou’s sharp eye. “You okay there?”

Oh, he’s fine, beyond fine. “I’ve just never seen him… He looks good up there, I guess. The suit fits like a glove.”

Ningguang looks as though she’s swallowed a lemon. “Perhaps don’t ogle him so openly—”

“Oh let the kid ogle, he’s earned it. Hey, tell me—is it hard being his boyfriend? Is he as much a stick in the mud as he seems at work.”

“I—”

“Miss Beidou!” Ganyu to the rescue, her hand whipping out to sink into Beidou’s arm tightly. Childe could kiss her. Not that he would. Beidou huffs, but says nothing else, tugging her arm from Gaynu’s grasp. Ganyu sighs softly before her gaze falls on Childe. “Don’t mind them. We aren’t used to Mr. Lapis being so…”

“Ooey-gooey?” offers Beidou, unhelpful.

“Distracted,” says Ningguang. “Not that he isn’t getting his work done. I did think that the merger might not go through so smoothly.”

“All the hours at the office must’ve been rough for the budding relationship, eh?” Beidou grins, nodding her head.

Childe wonders why exactly she’s so pressed about their personal life. “It wasn’t too terrible,” he says. It’s the truth. He’s spent more time worrying about Zhongli during those long nights, rather than the hours themselves. 

“I would say so,” says Ganyu, a twinkle in her eye. “Has Mr. Lapis told you how they met?” Childe’s mouth falls open. Maybe he was too quick to relax around her. He’d thought Ganyu an ally in his corner but he doesn’t like that amused expression spread across her face. 

“I thought you were on my side!”

“I am, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s cute.”

“OH?” Beidou perks up at that, expressing her excitement a little too loudly. An old fogie from the table next to them glances over, his brow creased. Beidouwinces, dropping her voice. “Ah, sorry, I meant, oh?”

Childe rubs his forehead. “I—it’s just—”

“Childe has delivered Mr. Lapis’s lunches nearly daily for the past several years.” Ganyu sighs, leaning a chin against her palm. “It’s rather adorable.”

Beidou blinks, head tilted. Then she bursts into laughter that she just barely manages to cap. “Wait, wait—are you saying that you’re the delivery guy? Oh, Gods, that’s—” 

“You can’t tell me he actually tips you that well?” Ninggaung asks the pertinent question, which only makes Childe roll his eyes. 

“It wasn’t about the tips. Shit, you make me seem like some wallet chaser. No, he’s just… he’s always been nice. Asked me how my day was, wanted to get to know me. Over the years it just kinda…” Childe’s heart skips a beat as he thinks about it, his words failing him. 

The table falls quiet but not uncomfortable. It’s Beidou who breaks the silence, her voice straight and not dripping with sarcasm. “Wow, that look on your face. I’ll stop teasing you.”

Childe glances at her, confused. “Hm?”

“Shh!” Ganyu nudges his ribs. “I think this is the important part.” She gestures to Zhongli up at the podium.

Childe stares, eyes washing over that perfectly fit suit of his. Zhongli’s hands hold onto the podium, those long fingers curling over the sides in a light grip. Just like the steering wheel that day. A flash of skin, his sleeve cuff rising just barely so. Zhongli likes to drag his wrist bone down the length of him, just touching. 

“With the business of the merger having concluded—” Childe was interested in those bits but the table distracted him enough to miss most of it. Damn. He’ll ask Zhongli later if they aren’t too distracted. “—there is one last thing to discuss tonight before we return to our dinners. Archon Industries has flourished for years and will continue to do so. With its new acquisition, however, I find myself rather obsolete. There are times when a CEO comes to realize that his work is complete and I’m pleased to say that it’s my turn to hand up my suit jacket.”

The audience murmurs, tittering about as they lean over and whisper. Zhongli waits for a dramatic moment before finishing, a soft smile on his face. “I look forward to my retirement as any man would. Thank you everyone for these years spent together and I bid you good luck in the years to come.”

There is a toast. Someone in the front shares a few words that Childe can’t hear. All he does is watch Zhongli, how his shoulders relax now that he’s come public with his plans. He’s been wound so tightly lately, worried as to how people might take it, even though their opinion doesn’t matter. But, tension eases from him as he raises a glass of champagne to acknowledge the toast. 

Zhongli’s eyes flit up and meet Childe’s face from where he sits at the table. And, despite all the noise in the room, it’s as if they’re the only ones there, the moment entirely stolen. 

#

Zhongli is terrible at being stealthy. 

When Childe rose from the table, meeting Zhongli’s questioning gaze, Beidou snorted, trying to hide it behind a cough. There’s worry—with Childe there always is—all eyes are on Zhongli now that he’s made his announcement. He’s the youngest retiree this side of Dragonspine and everyone wants to ask questions. 

But the moment Zhongli tugs him into a coat closet all those thoughts are lost. The door clicks shut behind them and Childe’s pressed against it, back flush to the polished wood. He melts against Zhongli when he leans close to press his nose into his neck. 

Zhongli inhales deeply, kissing the soft skin there. One hand curls into Childe’s hair, petting it, nails scraping across his scalp. “I missed you.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere. I’ve been right here.” 

“Yes, but—” Another kiss to the underside of Childe’s jaw, nibbling at the skin there. “I hate these sorts of functions, I’ve told you that. Too many people, too much work. I’d rather spend dinner at the office with you.”

Simple and easy. Just the two of them, stacks of paperwork, and takeout from Wanmin’s. Zhongli will laugh, fussing over Childe’s terrible grasp of chopsticks. Childe will pout and the cycle will repeat until Zhongli kisses him. Then they just make out on the couch in the corner until Ganyu interrupts, blank-faced and unfazed. 

It’s slow-burning, unlike this hot moment in the closet. Remarkably chaste aside from the out-of-this world blowjobs and teasing praise Zhongli doles out in bed. Months and Childe hasn’t been fucked properly—but he doesn’t care. He’s fine with Zhongli in his arms, holding him close, mouth slotted against his as they just kiss and kiss and kiss. 

Zhongli tilts his chin back, mouth hovering close as they share breath. “We can’t,” says Childe. “Not here.” The fitting room was bad enough. Childe couldn’t look Baizhu in the face when they picked up his final suit a week later. 

“Hm, I didn’t pull you in here for anything indecent.” He absolutely did, judging by his erection currently pressed into Childe’s thigh.

“Zhongli—”

“Hush,” he says, dragging his thumb across Childe’s bottom lip. “I only want to kiss you.”

Childe doesn’t protest when Zhongli does, leaning to capture his mouth. And it isn’t just a kiss, it’s a devouring thing, Zhongli’s tongue sneaking between his lips and sliding across his teeth. Childe moans, their tongues meeting, swallowing Zhongli’s breath. Zhongli holds him by the hip, pressing close, cock hard against Childe’s thigh as he grinds against it. 

“You said—”

“Mhm, and we are,” replies Zhongli, pecking Childe’s lips sweetly before slipping his tongue in again. Their mouths clash. Noses knock. Childe sighs into his mouth and Zhongli swallows it down, moaning against him, deep low. The sound drips into Childe’s gut, his cock instantly half-hard. 

Which Zhongli notices. He doesn’t touch him, just drags him to the side until their hips are slotted together just right, erections touching. “I’m—gods, we can’t.”

“We won’t.” Zhongli kisses down his jaw, biting a little too hard, sucking at the skin there until Childe’s scrabbling against the door. “Just a little taste—”

“Zhongli, this isn’t a taste, this is—” Childe squeaks when Zhongli presses his palm flat against his cock. He traces the length of it through his trousers with his fingers in a light touch. “Oh, gods.”

And then he lets go and pulls back. Unlike Childe, Zhongli seems relatively composed. Not sweaty, nor pink-faced, only tugs at his collar gently before straightening his clothes. 

Childe is left leaning against the door on wobbly legs, barely standing. “Oh, fuck you,” he snaps, willing his painful erection a way. 

Zhongli smirks, teasing. He leans back in for a short and sweet kiss, one that’s quick and doesn’t linger. “You were the one who said no, Childe, otherwise I’d be on my knees between your legs right now.”

Childe gapes at him. His cock twitches, the image of that seared into his brain. He inhales deeply. Counts to three. Lets the breath go. His cock still aches but it’s slowly receding, leaving behind a dull pulse that makes dissatisfaction flood Childe’s core. 

“Later,” says Zhongli, cupping his face. “I’ve officially announced my retirement. I want to celebrate.”

“How?” 

The look Zhongli gives him is feral, half-smile, half-smirk that leaves nothing to the imagination. “I thought I’d bring you back to my place,” he says, brushing a hand down Childe’s front, dusting away closet dust and coat lint. A slow and deliberate motion.

Oh. Childe’s throat bobs and he finds words hard. “Yeah, okay—yeah that.”

Zhongli laughs and pulls Childe from the door. Sneaks in another kiss to his cheek before whispering into his ear, “Are you ready to go back out there?”

His boner is mostly gone, only a pathetic half-chub left. “I’ll be fine. Sooner this dinner is over the sooner we can—”

“Eager?” Childe shivers when Zhongli kisses the shell of his ear, knowing full well that he is. Childe pushes at him and Zhongli chuckles, reaching around to open the door. 

They tumble out of the closet on loose legs, mostly put together but anyone with a good eye would know exactly what they were up to. Kiss-swollen lips, the hickey forming on Childe’s neck; Zhongli looks almost smug as he politely closes the door behind him, eyes never leaving the now bruised skin just underneath Childe’s jaw. 

“Ajax?”

Childe’s blood runs cold at the name and he stiffens, hanging there awkwardly in the venue lobby. 

Before he can speak, Zhongli does. “Ah, Miss Ekaterina,” he greets kindly. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck—

“Mr. Zhongli, it’s—” Childe finally looks, just in time to see Ekaterina bow serenely, her gingerly hair tossing slightly as she dips low. “A pleasure, as always, but…” She pauses hesitantly. “Sir—” Zhongli’s face melts into confusion as the last part is directly at Childe. 

“Katya,” he mutters. “Shit, this is—”

“Ekaterina, there you are. I need that list of fellows at our table. I can’t remember the name of the young man sitting across from me and he’s going on about books and publishing, and I just cannot make heads or tails of—”

Pyotr Tartaglia stops dead in the middle of his sentence the moment that he sees his son. He flounders there, his face turning a little red as rage sets in—but then he remembers he’s in a public place and steadies himself. “Ajax,” he says in a cool tone. “What a surprise.”

“Ajax,” repeats Zhongli.

“I’ve talked about him in our meetings, of course. My son. I certainly wasn’t expecting to see him here. It’s no secret, of course, but he’s shirked his duties when it comes to the company for years.”

“Sir, perhaps this isn’t the right time—”

“Nonsense, Ekaterina. If Mr. Lapis is planning on doing business with my son, he should know exactly what he’s getting into.”

“Your son.” Zhongli says it quietly as it dawns on him. 

“Yes. Used to be my right-hand man but he just left one day. Flakey thing. I certainly wouldn’t trust him with my assets if I were you. And yours are considerable. Tell me, just what has he promised you? His account management skills are good but he’s more likely to just up and leave once he finds himself bored. That’s how he’s always been.”

“Zhongli—”

“I must admit, I find myself surprised.” Zhongli doesn’t sound angry, or even confused, he’s just very quiet, a line etched into the space between his eyebrows. “This is why you didn’t want to come, isn’t it? This is why you were nervous?”

“Not because I thought he’d be here, I just—look, Zhongli, I left all that behind because I wanted something simpler. I was nervous about slipping back into a suit and my old habits. I just… you wouldn’t have liked me back then. I hate who I was, what I was.”

Ekaterina looks between the two of them, head tilted, but Childe’s father scoffs, no doubt thinking that they’re just talking business. 

“Childe—”

“What are you even doing here?” Childe asks his father. “Isn’t this a little too far south for family business?”

Pyotr blinks. “The merger,” he says as if the answer is obvious. “Harbinger Holdings is absorbing Archon Industries. If you didn’t know that, why are you here?”

Childe looks at Zhongli in fear. He’s fucked up, all of this is fucked up. This isn’t going to end well and he has to get out of there. Zhongli expects it before he even turns away, already reaching for him. 

“Wait,” he starts.

Childe expertly maneuvers away from his grasp. “No, I need to—”

“Childe.”

“Zhongli, I need to leave.”

“You’re—”

“Please, just let me go!” Childe doesn't mean to snap it, his voice echoing in the foyer. They all stand there stunned, but it’s Zhongli whose expression is entirely unreadable. Shock or horror. Maybe disgust. It has to be.

So Childe turns and he runs right out the front door, fleet-footed and fast, never once looking back, heart breaking a little with every second that passes.

[stristtrpg]

Let's Talk: Dungeons and Dragons 5e

What is there to say about Dungeons and Dragons 5e that hasn't been said already? Most people at this point know the system thanks to the incredible marketing and exposure it's gotten over the past few years. It's known as simple and easy to get into the system for new TTRPG players for certain, but it like everything else does have its own pros and cons so let's talk about them.

Pros: D&D 5e has done a great job at taking a relatively robust system and simplifying it to a concise and easy-to-understand system for new players and DMs to be able to play. No longer do players need to worry about mechanics like THAC0 in order to calculate if an attack hits nor do they need to be concerned about things like alignment, race, and class restrictions. It has also done a great job of making players feel powerful. Very rarely are players in any real harm for balanced encounters and they can easily mow down many creatures in their level range. It's power fantasy at its finest, making you a hero that stands apart from the rest of the world.

Cons: With the simplification of the system unfortunately it leaves a lot to be desired by GMs and Players alike. The most recent line of products introduced the Spelljammer setting and unfortunately fell short. The original Spelljammer setting had over 20 pages with mechanics and possible actions for ship-to-ship combat and in 5e they reduced that amount to a pitiful 2 pages that only included weapon ranges and actions required for using them and a recommendation for GMs and Players to instead board other ships and engage in close combat rather than actual ship combat. This is only one example of 5e's oversimplification. Character abilities are great at first but as time goes on patterns begin to emerge and most classes feel generic due to the inability to customize them using core rules. Exploration and downtime activities are almost nonexistent and are often left up to a single roll to be determined. There are no rules for crafting, not even with the release of the artificer class (dedicated to crafting). Another issue is high-level play, put simply, it doesn't work. High-level games are rare and struggle mainly because of just how powerful 5e has made player characters. I've had a group of five level 14 players who managed to kill a boss monster with over 900 hit points with ease, with only one character being reduced to 0 hit points. Now imagine what they can do at level 20! The last major issue with the system is the abilities granted to the players through their classes. Almost every single ability is dedicated to combat in some way shape or form. This is a big one because as a system it encourages players to use violence to resolve situations rather than looking for roleplay or creative thinking solutions. While of course there are players who still do so the system itself doesn't encourage that style of play by granting any mechanics for doing so.

Summary: All in all? I think D&D 5e is a great system. It's simple, fun, and easy to just pick up and play. It may be lacking in mechanics for specific situations but if you want a game where you can grab a sword and go kill a bunch of bad guys and feel powerful this is definitely a great system for you. If you want something with a bit more substance I would suggest maybe using a different system.

[magical-glimpse]

Hello I have a question regarding generational trauma.

I’d talk about black/african/afro history. For decades black people were put in slavery by arabians, themselves (but that was the case for every peoples to enslave those they caught in a battle) and white people. The reasons for each are a bit different but the global idea is that african that were caught were sold to arabians and white people. That was the trade, they give slaves to receive arms or whatever else. Before the enslaving of black by white people, african people could only be free if they converted to Islam otherwise they’d stay slaves. Their spirituality, appearance, culture etc… were demonized by everyone. Muslims and christians (and even other nations today who still considere black/african history as poor, animalistic which is fake or at least very incomplete if we see that in an western/asian pov… they were very close to Nature and their environnement… just by looking at their spirituality and how they took/take care of their hair and more !). Then, after (and even while) the white esclavagism on african people (now afro-descents) I see how much art/music/nature was and is a big part of african/afro-descent identity. If they survived to esclavagism it’s because they had faith in music, in their own spiritual abilities sith their voice, their body, their hair, their mind. It’s not some scientific stuff like white people did but they manage to create their own power with the african spiritualty transformed into Art mixed with Nature/what’s natural. (I don’t know iff you get what I mean).

However my question is, why do black/afro/african people had to go through that and still suffer from it generations after generations ? Did an african ancestor put a cursed or did something not good for us to go through those things ? To be frank I don’t think you nor me would have the real answer but I would love to know your idea(s) on it, because for me we are very connected to Nature in all its forms but we are also the most hated kind of human being for absolutly no reason at all…

I mean, I think there's a lot of oversimplification here. In Northern Africa, black and arabian people (i define arabian here as a arab speaking population, of mixed, meditaranean or middle eastern ethnicity) have been mixing for a while. Both Christianity and Muslims had black followers even without colonization and forced conversion. Ethiopia for example, has some of the oldest churches and christian traditions in the world, and were one of the first few christian population, as in like, Roman Empire old christian people. Before christianity, the majority of the population was jewish or pagan. Africa is huge, it's a whole continent, and so many religions and traditional beliefs remained outside AND despite of christianity and islam. Also, Islam and Christianity are not necessarily detached from nature, and Black cultures are not necessarily unscientific... I think you have some misinformation and some deconstruction to work through yourself... What you are projecting onto the entirety of black people is also what people are projecting onto american indigenous people or past european witches. You are creating this idea that it was evil monotheistic falsely rational religions of the colonizers vs nnocent people who were connected to nature and pure because they did not have monotheism nor science. And i am not saying this was not colonization motivated in parts by religious beliefs, because it was, but this belief is also reducing the population to this Rousseau-like idea of the innocence of the savage man, which is also a tool for oppression. This is the idea that is driving thousands of white or privileged people to do humanitarian travels to fulfill their white savior fantasy without actually understanding what the culture or people is outside of the fact it's exotic and different and "more natural". It's also what drives cultural appropriation in new age spaces, because people are craving meaning so bad they would rather look at practices they don't understand that are put on a pedestal on the standard of "purity from religion/society" but voided of their actual cultural context. Science is not a white people thing. Science was valued and built differently in different cultures yes, but Islam valued knowledge so much muslim countries and cultures were the home of so many significant achievements in history. Before and outside of Islam, black people and cultures cultivated science. Did you know that Africa has the oldest technological record because it has the oldest tool found archeologically ?The oldest findings of chemistry being understood as a science is also found in Southern Africa. Stones were discovered with writing suggesting a strong mathematical skills applied to astronomy. In fact, calendars from Zimbabwe were found to be even more accurate than Mayan ones.

To answer your last question, there is no reason why this massacre happened. It would be spiritual bypassing to simply say that one person cursed the entire continent to suffer for a thousand years... Colonization happened because people in power would benefit from new lands and people to work it that did not need to be paid. They fell upon lands they didnt know, and their greed paired with their religious exceptionalism led them to massacre the new people they came across. If i may suggest two texts to think about I recommend :

-the chapter 19 of Candid written by Voltaire. Candid is a philosophical tale written by a French author who criticizes the society of his time, including slavery. Specifically, this chapter has the main characters meet a dying slave, who talks about his life and how he was turned into a slave by his parents selling them to the Dutch, and how "it is the price of you eating sugar in Europe". Slavery was about money, and about the higher classes showing off lands, conquests and food as a luxury afforded by the exploitation, suffering and genocide of black people. -The controversy of Valladolid which is a historical event that was later transcribed into different books and movies. This is the very first debate in Europe about how while colonizers wanted to define humanity and whether or not indigenous people were human or not. In the book version I read, it was particularly interesting as the ending was about how colonizers would use the land, and how the final decision was that indigenous people were human, but not as much as white people, however, black people were not "human enough" but could be free labor for sugar and cacao.

[adamwatchesmovies]

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Everyone knows what It’s a Wonderful Life is about. How many times have we seen a television series ape its story? The protagonist is at their lowest, they begin believing things would be better if they had never been born, some otherworldly presence comes to show them otherwise. That is what happens in this 1946 classic but it’s also an oversimplification. Until you’ve sat down and actually watched it, you have no idea what this movie is actually about.

All his life, George Bailey (James Stewart) has wanted to travel the world. Unfortunately, his selflessness and responsibilities have prevented him from leaving Bedford Falls. Eventually, he inherits the responsibility of running the Bailey Brothers Building and Loan - a small bank that welcomes anyone who doesn’t want to go to the greedy Henry F. Potter (Lionel Barrymore). When the bank’s funds go missing, he loses all hope and contemplates suicide.

There’s much more to this story than its central conflict. A major portion of the plot concerns the romance between George and Mary Hatch (Donna Reed), the woman who’s had a crush on him since they were young. Their first date has the kind of moments that will remind you why you fell for the guy/gal next to you. What Mary saw in George back then and what she does now is so obvious. Money-wise, he may be poor but in spirit and in friends, he’s rich.

James Stewart is so good in this role. He’s cheery and easy to laugh with but there’s always a hint of sadness right there, behind the main thing. Over and over, you see George slice a little bit off the top and give it to someone who needs it. What he has left is meagre but he always manages and although he doesn’t realize it, we - and everyone who’s ever met him - recognize him as a hero. Not the kind that wins medals; those you only need during extraordinary circumstances. George Bailey is the everyday kind of hero, the kind who refuses to compromise even when raising his hand and speaking out could be to his detriment. Opposing him at seemingly every turn are normal, everyday injustices, unfortunate chance, and greed, all of which Henry F. Potter embodies. You hate Potter because he’s so real. You know there are people just like him everywhere and there are far too few George Baileys to stand up to them.

If you go into the film for its iconic Christmas scenes in which everything goes wrong and George prepares to make a decision from which there is no turning back, you’ll be waiting a while. The picture is over two hours, with the bulk of it focussing solely on George, his relationship with Mary, their family, and the town that comes to love him. If you're going in just to see George's guardian angel, Clarence (Henry Travers) show him how he has touched the lives of the Bedford Falls community, It's a Wonderful Life can feel long. It’s one of those cases where the film’s reputation doesn’t do it any favours because you expect one thing and get something else. Once you get over that initial shock, however, you’re completely won over. After seeing George work hard to do what’s right every day, no matter what, you want more than anything for him to see what you see. Everyone wants to believe they matter. Being shown first-hand how much good one person can do lifts your heart. You might not be George Bailey, but you might be half of one and that’s still pretty great.

It’s a Wonderful Life is a deeply moving film. It highlights humanity’s very best qualities. It’s also romantic, occasionally funny, wonderfully acted and full of life. The characters feel like real people, people you’ve met before, collected together to tell you this very personal message. It takes no effort for you to set aside your initial disappointment because while Frank Capra’s most iconic film (that’s saying something) might not be the movie you think it is going in, it is the movie you want it to be by the end. (On Blu-ray, December 13, 2020)

[idohistorysometimes]

Trans Bones

"In 300 years when they dig up your bones they will know you are (insert sex here)” is an argument I see a lot in the comment sections of a lot of trans creators on sites like Tiktok. These are usually left in the comment sections of trans people’s videos regardless of subject and are usually there to try to goad these creators into detransition, self-harm, suicide, or are just there to harass the target.

Needless to say I dislike these sorts of comments.

For one these comments are usually just said to be extremely hurtful and, I don't know about you guys, but edgy comments made for the sake of edge’s sake are just extremely lazy and sad. I usually am not a fan of just listening to people spew the cruelest things they can think of to make themselves feel better or to try to outdo the last edgy comment. But that is not the only reason I dislike these comments. I also dislike these comments because they are not true and are a vast oversimplification of what archeology is and how we (being historians and people who work in history) research the past and treat people. That is not how that works.

So let's talk about bones (and more specifically, trans bones) and what makes this specific argument kind of dumb.

CONTEXT

When out on a dig archeologists don't just dig up remains, point at them, and proclaim what gender they think the remains are and then just walk away. There are a lot of things that go into identifying remains that go far beyond a passing glance. And all of them rely on something called “CONTEXT”.

So what is “Context”?

Context is everything that might tell us who that person was, where they were from, and any information that might give us a clue as to the circumstances in which this person lived. This can also include factors like the culture of an area, the time period the person lived in, the climate and geological makeup of an area, and even something as small as the things buried with the remains or how they were found. So when you find bones you are not just looking at the bones, you are looking at the bones along with everything else around them.

Let's take a look at these bones for example. 

Without context, this is just a body sitting in a stone tomb. It is clearly dead, as you can probably infer, and if we just left things there it would overall be pretty uninteresting. But when you look into the context of these bones they tell a very different story. 

These bones were found in Pompeii in the necropolis of Porta Sarno and the person buried here was determined to have died before the volcanic eruption that destroyed the city. So with his tomb we are able to learn a little bit about life in Pompeii pre-eruption. There are Greek AND Latin inscriptions on the inside of the tomb and these inscriptions suggest this person was: Greek, a former slave who gained freedom (based on what the inscriptions said along with things found at the site), and used his freedom to organize Greek theater performances within the city while he was alive. We also know his name,  Marcus Venerius Secundio. So just by looking at the grave of this one man we are able to both learn a little bit about this person but also about the Greek influence in Rome at the time.

So what does any of this have to do with the bones of trans people? 

Just looking at a body without context tells you literally nothing about that person. Because, as evident by looking at that image, without taking into account the context of the body in both its location and the history of the location you would know virtually nothing about the person. To quote an archeologist friend of mine: “You cannot tell who a person was just by their bones”. This is not supposed to be this hallmark card level quote either, you literally cannot tell who a person was just by looking at their bones. You have no idea who they were, what their life was like, how they lived, or virtually everything else about them just from the bones. Bones are not reliable for that.

This brings me to my next point...

Skeletal Remains and Hormonal Markers

It is extremely hard to tell male and female skeletons apart from eachother. Skeletons do not look like this:

See, this is fucking stupid. This is not how anatomy works. We are not on deviantart or in an anime.

This is a better example.

Notice how similar the skeletons on both the left and right are? There are SOME anatomical differences between the two but they are subtle and things can often remain pretty ambiguous since a lot of traits are not sex-exclusive. For example, many men can be shorter in stature. That is not just something you see only in women. In fact, there are many female skeletons that are taller than male ones. Another example can be the broadness of the shoulders. Many women can have broader shoulders and vice versa. Those are not reliable ways of determining the sex of a skeleton. And if you don't have the head or pelvis you will literally never know what gender that skeleton was. It is impossible to tell. And for prepubescent skeletons its also impossible to tell since those subtle changes that occur during puberty have not happened yet. 

During HRT you are essentially going through second puberty. Your bones are going to change to match the hormones flowing through your body. And if you are transitioning to female: you might even have a few procedures to alter some parts of your bone structure to make it align better with your gender identity. Regardless of what specifically is at play: during your transition your face/body is going to change. And when those changes happen they will make you look like the sex you are transitioning to. 

This man’s name is Jamie Raines and he was kind enough to document his own transgender jorney online for us to see. He started transitioning back when he was 17 years old (which is the first image) and the second image was taken at age 21. 

Notice how Jamie’s face changes between these photos. 

And this is Jamie now at age 28.

Are you guys beginning to see what I am saying?

When you are trans and on HRT your body changes and those changes are more than just skin deep. Things change down to the bone and those changes are visible. And this is totally leaving out other things that can alter bone structure that might obscure things even more such as genetic diseases, intersex people, and even just human error (since that also happens). 

Skeletons are ambigious to begin with and if you are transitioning, your body is transitioning with you.

Records

Part of the reason we know SO MUCH about the past is that we have something called “Records”. All throughout human existence, there have always been people who have recorded details about people, places, and events. This becomes especially true when we get closer and closer to the modern day. And one of the things people usually kept the best records on was how and when people died.

Assuming we do not slip into an informational dark age where the internet is somehow destroyed and all physical records we have now are also destroyed: in 300 years archeologists and anthropologists will know what trans people are. They will know they existed (they have for much longer than that too) and they will be aware of the cultural circumstances in which they lived. They will also know how to find their birth records, records of them throughout their life due to things like the internet and our extensive recordkeeping methods of today, and death records with little issue. 

We live in an age of constant record keeping and information sharing. Assuming trans people with either stop existing or will be forgotten about despite that is an unreasonable expectation given how good these records are. And they will only continue to get better.

So bottom line?

Nobody will be digging you up in 300 years and misgendering you based on just your bones alone. I dont even know why they would be digging you up specifically in the first place since, lets face it, since we are so good at keeping records you probably would not need to do that. You dont just go around digging up dead people at random if you are an archeologist. There is a process to that.

But regardless, you’re good. 

This argument is dumb. 

EDIT

 I am aware HRT does not change EVERYTHING about a skeleton. Hormones effect the body in many ways and all of them depend on: what you are being given, the amount, your biological sex and what other hormones are already in your body, etc. I am aware that, specifically within the skull and pelvis, that there are differences. I mention that in the post itself. 

This post is not meant to totally discredit the fact that sex is a thing. Its meant to say how archeology is nuanced and given the climate of today: will continue to get more and more nuanced. Transness is not something that will be forgotten by history or that will be ruled out by archeologists of the future because its part of our culture (and thus context). Is every person trans? No. Should every skeleton found be considered trans? No. But its a nuance people take into account. Transness is not a new idea nor is geneder nonconformity. The western binary does not exist in all cultures across all history and it probably wont always exist in the future either.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Bound Blood (Cassandra Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 5.5 Bonus

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T+ for language Warnings: None Summary: Local feral human spends some time with their new family. Four short bits featuring Daphne (Maiden OC), Bela, Lady D, Daniela, and a surprise guest. Enjoy. Previous Chapters: 1: Sharing Is (Not) Caring; 2: Bloodbath, Baby!, 3: Haunt Me Dearly, 4: Portraits For Ghosts, 5: Heart Of The Matter

5.5: Family

i.

“Wait, you’re telling me that you came here willingly?” You asked, mouth agape, eyes wide. It felt like every time you talked to Daphne she had something incredible to say. Which was, of course, why she was your favorite maiden to talk to. That, and the fact that she had adapted so quickly to your ‘charming personality’. So far she was the only servant you had been willing to be honest with. Mainly about your feelings regarding your blood bond, but also just about your relationship with Cassandra in general. Something about Daphne simply made her incredibly approachable. From what you had heard, you weren’t the only one to think as such, with her being fairly popular among the castle workers.

“More of us do than you might expect. Some consider it an honor to serve one of the four Lords, and Castle Dimitrescu is certainly… nicer than either the factory or the reservoir. Personally, I came here for a friend of mine. She, well, had less of a choice. I couldn’t bear the thought of her being here without knowing anyone, so it felt like I only had one option. Can’t say I regret my decision, if you can believe it,” Daphne explained, folding laundry all the while. At the same time, you carefully sort through the not yet washed clothing, separating them into two baskets. After all, you wouldn’t want Lady Dimitrescu to end up with a pink dress! Technically this wasn’t your job, nor did you have a job at all, but you hated having idle hands- especially when talking to someone who was working. At first Daphne had protested, but she had given in upon realizing just how stubborn you could be.

“That’s… impressive. I mean, holy shit, that's a real ride or die friendship right there. Is she, uh, is your friend still, you know, around?” You stuttered, cursing your tongue for asking such a thing. If the answer was no, you were going to feel like a real asshole. Which, admittedly, you had a tendency to be. But this wasn’t one of the times where it was intentional. Thankfully, Daphne is all smiles, and even seems amused by your spluttering.

“Yes, we’re even roommates. Well, us and five others. Possibly with a sixth one on the way, if we ever get someone to fill the empty space,” she replies, pausing to think. Then she’s back to work, refusing to waste any time. “Speaking of roommates… I know I said I’m not one for gossip, and I meant it, but a little songbird told me that Cassandra seems to be in a much better mood these days. Are the two of you, well, getting along? It would be nice to know that soulmates can overcome even the roughest of introductions.” There’s a hint of something odd in her tone, and you take a moment to wonder what she’s (unintentionally) hinting at. Had she met her soulmate, only for things to go poorly?... Before answering her, you make a mental note, deciding to see if any of the other maidens had a scar across their nose.

“It’s not like she and I are dating or anything. We’re just, you know, not hating each other. Currently,” you said, shrugging. But Daphne raises an eyebrow at you, and you find yourself instinctively feeling guilty, somehow feeling small next to the shortest person you knew. “Alright, alright, we might have… Okay we kissed. And promised each other not to die, because having your soulmate die hurts like hell. Also maybe she showed me her mom’s art collection and I made a joke about the titty sculptures because holy shit, this house has a lot of titties.” At this, Daphne bursts into laughter, grinning from ear to ear.

“Amen to that, for sure.”

ii.

“So… fan of science, I see,” you say, awkwardly, bouncing a little on your heels. Next to you is the eldest Dimitrescu daughter, who had unexpectedly joined your table in the library. There were several other places she could have sat, with both more comfortable seating and more workspace, but for some reason she had chosen here. So far she hadn’t said a word. Hell, you hadn’t spoken to her since your first meeting, where she had suggested killing you. Naturally, you weren’t quite sure what to make of her. Something told you that she felt much the same about yourself.

“Fan of oversimplification, I see,” Bela counters, after a few tense seconds. Then she sets down her book- a heavy text about Romanian avian fauna- to give you her full attention. “It would be more accurate to say that I enjoy studying biology, particularly the branch of zoology.” Well, this conversation was certainly… happening. Honestly, you couldn’t tell whether she was legitimately judging you, or merely chaffing you for her own amusement.

“You’ll have to, er, forgive me for being overly broad. Consider it a side effect of my nerves, those themselves being due to our unsavory introduction. In case you don’t recall, you put that sickle of yours into my shoulder,” you reminded, with a sarcastic smile. To your surprise, Bela chuckles at this, almost as if fondly remembering the incident. Seriously, you think, why did my soulmate have to be from this family?

“Staying silent was an option. Perhaps that would have suited you better?” Bela says, now clearly teasing, smile much more genuine than your own. Knowing she had a point, you’re quick to blush, mildly embarrassed.

“Touche. I am curious, however, why you decided to sit next to me in the first place. I certainly wouldn’t have tried starting a conversation if you hadn’t,” you explained.

“Like I said… I enjoy studying zoology,” Bela replies, with a sly grin. It takes you a few moments to understand the intended implications. Once you do, however, you’re giving her a hard stare. Then you scoot your chair a few inches away from her, in exaggerated movements. “Don’t worry, I was only joking. Though you certainly are an interesting human. Much more, hmm, cheeky? Compared to the servants, at least.”

“Somehow I get the feeling that they simply prefer being alive, as opposed to not being as snippy. Except maybe Daphne, now that I think about it. Very sweet, that one,” you muse. “Regardless, I think I’ll return to my book now, for it lacks a tongue, and is therefore less likely to taunt me.” Doing just as you had said, you open the book, holding it a bit higher than what would be comfortable, so that it becomes a ‘shield’ of sorts. Nothing was quite as satisfying as subtle body language.

Accepting your words with a shrug, Bela also resumes reading, turning to a bookmarked page. Roughly an hour of relative quiet passes. Neither of you so much as glance at each other, not even when she drops the pen she had been taking notes with. In the end, you are the one who leaves first, and finally the silence is broken. You give your goodbyes, and Bela returns them politely. Though you do not know it, she sets her book down as soon as you leave, pausing to think about you. Now that things had ‘calmed down’, it was reassuring for her to know that you weren’t always full of spite. Still, you held onto your cleverness (for the most part), leaving her with no doubt about the universe’s decision. You were her sister’s soulmate.

iii.

“It’s official: I’m lost in a creepy castle. The universe hates me. Probably should have realized that sooner, considering how it decided to introduce me to my soulmate,” you mutter, scowling deeply, as you wander unfamiliar halls. How had you even gotten lost? Sure, you had taken a wrong turn, but it hadn’t taken long for you to realize your mistake! Evidently you somehow managed to make another one while backtracking. Now you were standing in the center of the corridor, hands on your hips, desperate for some maiden to come rescue you. What you really didn’t want was Cassandra to find you, because she’d make fun of you for the rest of your life. It’s not like she had specifically joked about you getting lost before. Except that was exactly what had happened.

A few minutes pass uneventfully. There aren’t even any distant sounds of life; no footsteps, nor echoing voices, nor the squeaking of floorboards. All you can hear is your own breathing. As well as the occasional sigh, admittedly. By this point, there’s a part of you that’s starting to panic. After all, there was a chance that the castle was big enough for certain sections to be abandoned. Hopefully that’s not the case, you think, I mean, they’d cut the power to those parts, right? Here’s hoping… With that in mind, you get back to wandering, figuring that you’d have to eventually run into a familiar landmark. Or better yet, someone who actually knew the castle’s layout.

When salvation at last reveals its holy visage, it is not in the form of a lowly servant, rather the muffled voice of none other than Lady Dimitrescu herself. Neither her exact words nor who she’s speaking to is clear. At first, you can’t even tell where her voice is coming from, but you quickly approach one closed door, then another, searching for the source. Several doors later you’re certain you’ve found her. By then you can tell that she’s not alone. Not wanting to seem rude by interrupting, you take a few steps back, leaning against the wall to wait. For the most part you still cannot make out what’s being said, but a few words do reach your ears.

“-expected more from you. How am I-” the voice gets cut off, not by Alcina, rather a sudden gust of air, akin to massive wings flapping. When the speaker continues, they are both louder and angrier. “Someone is listening. Have you not taken steps to ensure our privacy?” Then the door is swinging open, revealing your soulmate’s mother. At first she’s practically shaking with rage, but her expression turns to shock when she sees you.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Cassandra?” Lady Dimitrescu asks, clearly stressed, as she steps into the corridor. There’s movement behind her, although you cannot make out any details. Besides, you’re quick to answer her, wishing to avoid her wrath (and that of whoever she was speaking to).

“I’m so sorry, Lady Dimitrescu, I was walking from the dining hall to Cassandra’s studio, and I took a wrong turn. I’ve been wandering for half an hour now. When I heard your voice, I thought perhaps I could, well, enlist your assistance. But you were busy, so I figured I’d wait outside. If I had-...” you pause, gulping, as the other figure steps into view. It’s a face you’re all too familiar with. One that popped up countless times through the village, and again throughout the castle, the owner’s name always spoken with acclaim, with worship. Mother Miranda, in the flesh, wings spreading out behind her, somehow cutting a more impressive silhouette than even Lady Dimitrescu. Instantly you’re falling to your knees, knowing that your sharp tongue was no match for this practical goddess.

“Who is this, Dimitrescu? Why isn’t their blood staining your claws?” Miranda questions, gaze never leaving your trembling form.

“This… this is one of my daughters’ soulmates. They were brought in with the last group of sacrifices,” Lady Dimitrescu explains, uncharacteristically hesitant. ‘Twas a true testament to Miranda’s power, as well as her influence, that she could make someone so powerful seem so weak. Which was exactly why you were shaking with anxiety. But to your surprise, the goddess does not immediately order your execution for your trespass.

“And already they know their place, hmm? Kneeling before me?” Miranda says, a strange smile dancing on her lips. Whatever anger she had been feeling a minute prior had faded, though you couldn’t even begin to guess as to why. Regardless, both Alcina and yourself are quite relieved, though neither of you are quick to show it. “Either they have a good head on their shoulders, or you still take care of some of your duties. Very well, they may live. For now. But I expect next week’s report to be far more favorable. I don’t need to remind you of the price for failing me.” With that said, Mother Miranda turned to leave, a swirling mass of dark feathers flying past you.

A minute passes, maybe two, before either of you feel capable of speaking up.

“Let’s get you back where you belong, yes?” Lady Dimitrescu says, quietly, before placing her hand on your shoulder to guide you. Tension hangs clear and heavy over both of you. Even as you walk down corridor after corridor, the feeling does not ease. At least not until you’re back in familiar territory, near where you had originally made your mistake, finally able to breathe a little. It’s here that Lady Dimitrescu pauses to speak once more. “Tomorrow I will assign one of the servants to give you a tour, in the hopes that this does not happen again. Furthermore, I ask that you forget everything you heard earlier, for it is neither your business… or my daughter’s.” You’re quick to nod, and with that she bids you farewell, leaving you alone. Now, you think, was it left from here, or right?

iv.

“I’m just going for a walk. Why do you care so much? It’s not like it’s any of your business,” Daniela assures you, despite the fact that all you had done was say ‘hello’. If this was her attempt at casting aside suspicion, she had done a terrible job of it. What made her so nervous? Was it even worth investigating? Only one way to find out.

“You’re rather bundled up, planning on being out for long?” You ask, trying to sound casual, leaning against the wall as you did. In response, Daniela pretty much stomps her foot. There’s something odd in her expression, however, that implies your question hit a soft spot. Certainly wasn’t what you had expected. “Don’t mind me, just trying to make conversation with my soulmate’s sister. Speaking of her… have you seen Cassandra? Is she, perhaps, going with you?” A little misdirection never hurt anyone. Probably.

“No!” Daniela replies, fast as a gunshot, too much emphasis to be unintentional. But she realizes her mistake as soon as she’s made it, and makes a clear effort to relax herself. “She’s probably in her studio, doing whatever it is she calls art, on the other end of the house. Besides, I don’t want any company for this walk.” For a moment you merely squint at her, unsure of how to proceed. In the end, you decide that it really is none of your business, being more than satisfied by what teasing you’ve already done.

“Alright, alright. Well then, I’ll leave you be. Just… be careful, yeah? If you get hurt, and your mother finds out that I didn’t stop you from going… not sure Cassandra could save me,” you say, with a shrug. At first Daniela can’t decide whether to be upset or relieved, but she seemingly settles for the latter, giving you a brief nod before heading outside. As the door shut behind her, you couldn’t help but wonder if you had done the right thing.