#sometimes crowley gets overwhelmed

[ladybracknellssherry]

i love how in the "babe go tell everyone it's time for my party" moment Crowley looks so disoriented like "something is wrong something is so fucking wrong" does he know it's b/c he's on the wrong side of Aziraphale

he looks like he's eaten an edible and walked into his own kitchen and is trying to figure out whose house he's in

[ashfae]

The thing about romance is, it makes a good story.

As soon as Neil described season 2 as "quiet, gentle, romantic" I figured we'd be in for it, because as he's the first to point out, writers are liars. And the best way to deceive is with truth.

Season 2 is romantic. The trappings of romance are everywhere. Crowley tries to set up Nina and Maggie by trapping them under an awning during a rainstorm, a classic cinematic bonding technique. Aziraphale's chosen method comes from his beloved books: the ball, the dancing, appearing as a pair in public, hands held as you twirl gracefully with your heart thrilled and racing. If they can set up a sensational kiss that will unlock the happy ever after. They've lived on earth, they've studied the tropes, they know how romance works.

The problem is a story is only a story.

Nina and Maggie had the classic romantic setup completely by accident before Aziraphale and Crowley ever began trying to interfere with them. They get locked in Nina's coffeeshop. They can't escape or communicate with anyone else, they end up talking by candlelight because there's no electricity, Nina offers wine. Maggie mentions how she'd hoped for a chance to talk to Nina, and now here they are. It's every bit as much a standard as what Aziraphale and Crowley attempt to arrange. Blanket scenarios galore exist because of that starting point. We love that story. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But it's still only a story, it's not enough. Because once that moment of connection is over, however lovely it was, all the rest of the world comes flooding back in in the form of dozens of angry text messages. Nina's messy entrapping relationship hasn't magically gone away just because she and Maggie shared a romantic encounter.

And it's so tempting think oh well, that's easy. We'll just give them more romantic encounters and eventually those will overwhelm the rest of the baggage. Must do, because it'll make them fall in love, and once they realize they're in love that trumps all other considerations, right? So it'll be fine. Love Conquers All.

Neil also mentioned Pride and Prejudice.

Darcy knows he's in love early on and makes a disasterous proposal that shows that he has no understanding of Elizabeth's perspective, possibly hasn't even thought about it. They've been meeting in forest lanes for walks, conversing, had tete-a-tetes in the sitting room, danced at a ball. And while his turn of phrase isn't as flattering as he thinks, he's still offering her everything he thinks she wants and needs: affection, security, his good name, wealth, an escape from the embarrassments of her situation, the world. How can there be anything to object to? Why would anyone ever refuse so much of value?

Elizabeth quite rightly cuts him to pieces. He lashes back with a few hard truths of his own and they separate. During that separation, he thinks and he learns. He takes to heart the criticisms she offered, re-examines his assumptions, opens his eyes. Thinks about her perspective and how sometimes the only difference between pride and arrogance is where you're standing. He does the work. When they meet again he tries to demonstrate that he's learned--not in order to court her again (yet), but because the only real apology he can offer, the only one that would have weight, is to show that he's grown, he listened to her. He changed.

Elizabeth of course has her own journey, accepting that many of her own conclusions about Darcy were erroneous because they were formed without her having the full picture to hand, and once she's done that she has to apply it to her own situation as well. She loves her family, but they do place her at a disadvantage on a number of levels, leading eventually to full-out disaster as her younger sister carelessly ruins all of their reputations. It's hard to admit, it's mortifying, but Darcy was offering her a great deal she needs. His offer did have worth for all that she dismissed it as an insult. And as she learns to value his own character more highly, and then as she sees that he did listen to her even though she insulted him so thoroughly...well, she grows too. And when they do eventually come together it's not because of courting and balls. There's a big romantic gesture in his rescue of her sister but even that isn't why they'll get their happy ever after. It was just the catalyst for the conversation. They win because they've learned how to understand each other and how to communicate for the future. How they can strengthen and support each other, how to balance their strengths and weaknesses. The films leave them at the wedding, but the book shows a bit of their marriage too, and during it they keep learning from each other. Their relationship is held up as a superior love story for good reasons.

The end of season one was romantic too. Crowley stopped time rather than face a world where Aziraphale would never speak to him again, Aziraphale walked into hell to protect Crowley, they dined at the Ritz and toasted the world. But then they stopped. Sure they spent time together, talked, enjoyed each other's company. But if they were talking about important things would Crowley still be living in his car? They had a bit of respite but all that real world baggage that exists outside of the romantic moment hasn't been faced, none of it. Four or five years sounds like a long while but for beings who are quite literally older than the earth? That's just an intermission.

Nina's relationship ends, leaving her with a tangled mess; Maggie realises the sweet dream of love she's been longing for isn't as important as the real Nina. They talk. They plan. Nina will sort through her life, get closure, figure out what went wrong with Lindsay and what she wants from a relationship, learn how to ask for respect instead of just bending under her partner's demands. Maggie will support Nina the way Nina needs, which sometimes means helping her get oat milk for the shop and sometimes means giving her processing space. They're on the same page; they're going to do the work. That's why most likely they'll succeed. To quote one of my favourite fanfics: it's not happily ever after, but it's a chance. It's all going to be okay. (The Profane Comedy by Mussimm, who absolutely nailed this theme)

The romance is nice, it's lovely. We need it to keep ourselves going. To give ourselves the dreams that help us get through the days and nights. But it's not the relationship. It's not enough on its own. The wedding can be the grandest most beautiful ceremony ever with doves flying and sweeping music and bells ringing, but that doesn't guarantee the marriage will last.

Crowley and Aziraphale have had their romantic gestures, oodles of them. One wing raised to protect the other from falling stars, another from rain. Shared ground, shared interests, hands offered in friendship and held on a bus. They've tried to get to the same page, they really have. They just aren't there yet. The biggest most important things still haven't been talked about, and season 2 showed there are even more of those big important things than we'd realised.

The show paints Maggie as Aziraphale's foil and Nina as Crowley's, even to the point of Nina casually calling Maggie 'angel'. But Aziraphale's baggage is Nina's. The toxic relationship has to be processed and understood and closed, and it hasn't been, despite season one. Lindsay never really liked Nina very much, for all that they tried to keep her trapped; Heaven never really liked Aziraphale very much for all that he believed in it. They both let themselves be used. But Lindsay left Nina and went to their sister's, whereas now the head of Heaven has reached out to Aziraphale and said here, we can fix this, you can fix this, don't you want to fix this? Others are already writing about that and maybe I'll add to it later, not sure. And Crowley, like Maggie, has had a sweet dream that he has to set aside. Maybe he'll be able to pick it up again eventually, maybe not. But sometimes you offer support by buying oat milk or rescuing your beloved from the legions of hell, and sometimes you do it by standing back while they sort through their shit.

Quiet, gentle, romantic. It was.

But that's only part of the story. Now they have to do the work. They thought they had, but they were wrong, because there's so much they just hadn't touched yet and tried to cover over with relief and sleight of hand and alcohol and forgiveness. The apology dance doesn't mean much without showing that you listened and learned. They've faced so much trauma already and that should have been enough, we wanted it to be enough and so did they and it's such a blow for it to turn out that there's still more to do, that the baggage hasn't just gone away and can't be hidden under blankets or soothed with cocoa. The texts are still coming in and demanding answers.

But it'll be okay. It will. It's still a chance. And one that in the long run makes them better, builds something real that lasts.

The best stories, the ones that last longest and become classics, are the ones that don't end with the kiss under the awning or the blanket scenario or the wedding. They're the ones that heal us while the characters heal themselves. It's hard to accept that there's still more to do. Harder to imagine how it can possibly work out. And yes, bloody frustrating to wait and see.

And we'll get through that interim by telling even more stories. Because the story is never just a story. It's how we get through the work, it's what we tell ourselves so we can do the damn work. Stories are what we cling to and how we remind ourselves we're human and connect. A book is a person you can carry with you. We're not alone, none of us, stories connect us because we love them and see ourselves in them, which means we see each other.

Aziraphale's back up in Heaven to deal with his unfinished baggage; Crowley left his behind long ago and it's clearly going to come back and bite him in the arse however much he tries to go his own way. And they can't help each other with that. Not yet.

But they'll get there. So will we.

[colleendoran]

Quiet

I got a very kind note asking why I don't respond to asks on Tumblr anymore, yet they see me chatting on other social media.

I closed down my asks here because they became overwhelming. While I do respond to snippets now and then on Twitter, I sometimes really don't say much for days. In fact, my Twitter settings don't even let me see most of the incoming material. Something I posted went viral the other day and I don't think I saw more than 25 comments on it.

I have a lot left to do on Good Omens and am getting past a long illness. I don't have the energy I need, and am still 1000 emails behind as well.

I wish I could be as entertaining as Neil Gaiman is here, and I don't know where he gets the juice.

Magic man.

I do appreciate all the interest and enthusiasm from everyone, and think it's best if I put my focus on the art and less on talking about it. Talking about it too much drains the power I need to get the art out.

Anyway, I don't think I ever posted this early model sheet of Crowley here. He's so much fun to draw.

Later, I added glasses on the central figure for some promotion art.

[aziraphales-library]

I remember a fair few fics where the premise is vaguely “Aziraphale does a blessing/miracle/other religious thing on Crowley and it’s strange/overwhelming/etc for all involved”. I just can’t… find any of them. I remember them being various ratings, pure fluff to pure smut

Your best bet is the divinity kink tag on AO3. Here are some to get you going...

The Agony And The Ecstasy by entanglednow (T)

A split second decision by Aziraphale to save them both from discovery leaves Crowley experiencing something he is unprepared for.

your love is sunlight by EveningStarcatcher (M)

“Why wait?” Crowley’s voice was faint, almost a whisper, but lined with the usual forced nonchalance. “What?” Aziraphale froze, brow slightly furrowed. “Just, I don’t have to wait.” Crowley’s cheeks flushed. “Could be all better right now. I mean. I-if you wanted.” “Are you asking me to heal you?” Aziraphale’s eyes flashed with something… divine.

A Negative Integer by racketghost (E)

“I’m the holy object,” Aziraphale says, and is also looking frantically around the room, the bookshop, the skylight filtering in the first glimpses of afternoon sun and holding dust particles suspended in their beams, dreamy and soft. “I can’t touch you.” “Yes you can,” he blurts out, and swallows down the cacophony of what are sure to be any number of embarrassing and hopeful ways in which the angel can touch him, really, whenever.

Bleak Without and Bare Within by Princip1914 (E)

Perhaps Crowley was right, Aziraphale thought. They were both working very hard in sometimes very awful places and for what? It was obvious that they couldn’t give up on temptations and blessings entirely--someone would notice, they had to surely--but combining forces here and there? What had Crowley called it, lending a hand, when necessary? It didn’t sound too bad. It didn’t sound like a good idea either, but Aziraphale supposed that was the whole point. It was a morally neutral proposition, and everything would still get done in the end. “I agree.” Aziraphale said finally. “As long as you accept that we’re going to have to teach one another.” Or, an angel learns to Tempt, a demon learns to Bless and things get a bit out of hand at the beginning of an unusual Arrangement.

Divine Hands by WanderingAlice (T)

After the end of the world didn’t come, Crowley had planned to spend a lot more time with Aziraphale, and Aziraphale didn’t seem opposed to the idea at all. Unfortunately there’s one glaring problem. Crowley has a strong, uncontrollable panic reaction to being touched by something divine. And Aziraphale cannot turn off his own divinity. A Good Omens Holiday Exchange fic written for the prompt: After the Notpocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale start getting closer...but they find out together that Crowley has deep-seated trust issues triggered by something about Aziraphale that he can't help. They have to overcome it together.

sanctuary by moonyinpisces (T)

“You’re staring.” “Oh dear,” says Aziraphale, completely unapologetic. “How rude of me.” Crowley begins to smile something slow, bright, and lovely, but he schools it with a bite to his lower lip. Aziraphale thinks of the way he looked two millennia ago, pressed up against the wall with Aziraphale's blessing healing his wounds, the only demon to experience divine ecstasy and live to tell the tale. How Aziraphale's hands itch to do it again, and again, and again. Crowley opens his mouth as if to say something, but then stops and spins around instead to go back to stirring the curry. “Shut up,” he says to the stove, flustered.

- Mod D

[crowlixcx]

sometimes i get overwhelmed because crowley is so good, he has all these little coping mechanisms that make him resilient!! when he's being self-deprecating, he takes it out on his plants in an attempt to deflect from himself. when aziraphale is being a stubborn pain in his backside, he goes out onto the street and counts to ten rather than having a heated argument. they might not always be the most effective methods but he's trying and that is the sign of a survivor

[vidavalor]

*soft little 'oh'* ... oh, you guys... is Aziraphale touching Crowley so that Crowley can feel the love he's sensing, too? *sniffle*

Remember how back in S1, when Aziraphale got overwhelmed by sensing love around him in Tadfield, he reached towards Crowley but he didn't actually touch him. It was more of a gesture to express that he needed to stop for a moment as he was overwhelmed and to get him to stop walking, right?

And the thing they come to realize is that Crowley can't sense it. Probably a demon thing, though Aziraphale seemed surprised by it. (One theory being, of course, that it was Crowley's own love Aziraphale was sensing, which is why Crowley didn't feel anything out of the ordinary.)

Aziraphale touches Crowley more in S2 so I guess I saw him reaching for Crowley when he sensed the love from Gabriel and Beezlebub as just Aziraphale reaching for the one he loves. The touch meant as recognizing how they are like Gabriel and Beezlebub and silently communicating that to Crowley with the touch-- saying I feel that way about you-- and also the boldness of that in front of representatives of Heaven and Hell alike is a big deal. Aziraphale also, we know from S1, just gets overwhelmed in the presence of overwhelming love sometimes, so he reached for Crowley to steady himself, touching him in S2 when he didn't quite in S1, indicating that he feels ever more comfortable doing so, right? And those things are all likely true but what if resting a hand on Crowley in that moment meant that Aziraphale could transfer the overwhelming feeling of love he was feeling *to* Crowley in some way, so that he could feel it, too?

Look at how Crowley wasn't looking at them until Aziraphale put his hand on his arm. He doesn't look at Aziraphale when Aziraphale touches him (a rare moment when Crowley isn't completely focused on Aziraphale if rare touching is involved lol... the complete opposite of how his eyes hone in on Aziraphale in the pub the second Aziraphale goes to touch his chest.) Crowley's eyes lift straight up and he looks right at Gabriel and Beezlebub-- as if Aziraphale touched him and showed him the Ineffable Bureaucracy feeling love that was overwhelming him, so Crowley would know and see what Aziraphale was feeling.

He just touches him like oh, Crowley, look...

He just touches him and sends waves of love through Crowley, instead of saying it aloud like in S1, because it feels good and he wants Crowley to feel that, too...

*sob*

[hansoeii]

Several things: -LOVE your art, it’s amazing! Especially the one with Crowley and Aziraphale under the umbrella - which software do you use? Your art always look SO gorgeous (cheeky quote from GO right there lol) - how did you get so good at drawing?And thank you for encouraging other people to keep drawing and being so kind as I sometimes can’t help but compare my sketches to others and feel silly, but I guess it’s just a learning curve… Thank you so much for bringing your art to the world!😊

Thank you so much!!

I use Clip Studio Paint for drawing and Photoshop for small adjustments!

2. Haha thanks! Honestly...it's the hyperfixations. I managed to improve a lot in just a year because I've been drawing SO much cos there's so many shows and movies I became obsessed with that I wanted to create art for. So by drawing a lot I just naturally improved. For example these two Illustrations are just a year apart:

I actually didn't actively try to improve, it's been a while since I did proper studies (I just don't really have the time for it between freelancing and art school), it just happened.

But I can absoluetly recommend going on YouTube and look for some art tutorials if you actively want to start improving! There's some channels that helped me so much back then:

moderndayjames

Incredible shape language and super insightful tutorials on all kinds of topics! I learned so much from him.

Ahmed Aldoori

So many awesome tutorials on so many different areas of art. Love it.

Marco Bucci

Incredible tutorials on color theory and understanding how color works in general! Learned SO much from him!

Sinix Design

The OG tutorials I began learning from. I watched his videos religiously as a teen. I adore his painterly style and adopted it in some way, haha.

Ethan Becker

This dude sometimes drops these tiny art tips that just completely blow my mind and that I adopt immedietly. He's super entertaining but also such a great teacher.

And I can also recommend checking out this book by James Gurney if you want to get better at colors!

And for anatomy I highly recommend the Morpho books!

But improvement doesn't only come from drawing a lot. A lot of the time I don't draw for a while and just study the world and artists around me and suddenly I improved when I get back to drawing. Don't ever overwork yourself to the point that you don't enjoy what you do anymore. Take breaks and listen to your body!

I learned to try and not compare myself to other artists, which helped a lot. Through conventions and social media I made so many lovely artist friends and realized how we're all struggling in a very similar way. A lot of us don't even really know what we're doing most of the time, haha. But we help each other out, it's such a wonderful community. I think when you're not actively part of the community it tends to feel like other, more successful artists are some kind of art gods that have perfected the craft and never struggle. But believe me, all the artists you admire go through rough times all. the. time. Sometimes what they do feels easy and natural, other times (more often than not) it feels like you have to try and learn how to walk all over again and you start to doubt your abilities. I personally go through that so many times.

So what I'm trying to say is that instead of comparing yourself to the artists you admire, learn from them instead. Ask questions, befriend fellow artists, study the artists you enjoy and just have fun with it!

And finally I thought it would be fun to share some of my horrendous Johnlock fanart from a decade ago for some motivation:

I hope my answer didn't overwhelm you, but I thoight it would be nice to give a more detailed answer!

Have a wonderful day and keep drawing! :)

[mangodestroyer]

I like that Crowley had a freeze response when confronted by Satan in season one. I know we sometimes want characters to be total badasses and not experience fear, but... that's not realistic. And it gets old seeing a lot of characters who can handle everything thrown at them without a sweat. It's also annoying how people irl act like they'd be the hero in every difficult situation they hear about (way easier said than done, especially if you're an individual who has been exposed to chronic stress before suddenly having a difficult situation thrown at you).

Crowley looks like someone who can act... but he sometimes doesn't. He sometimes just wants to avoid his problems, or in this scene... assumes everyone is fucked now. It's not even that he's selfish either. He's probably just overwhelmed by some of his problems and assumes the easy way is the best solution. It takes Aziraphale verbally kicking him in the butt to get him to do something about it.

That's how I see it. I believe the popular hc that he has trauma.

And yes, obviously Crowley has plenty of his moments too. Rescuing Aziraphale and all.

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: litany in which certain things are crossed out

A beaten-down Aziraphale opens a bakery in the small town of Tadfield, where he finds an all-night greasy spoon and one fallen Crowley, who is making amends through various and increasingly ridiculous means of community service. Features an inexperienced!Aziraphale, Crowley the town ne’er-do-well, and Crowley’s self-appointed protector, young Adam. 

Length: 30,909 Words

AO3 Rating: Explicit/ Spice Level 🔥🔥

Best for: Safe in Public, Human AU, Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Triggers: None/Read Author's Notes

Read it here, fic by Ayes

*Minor Spoilers* I get overwhelmed sometimes when I stop to think about the fact that even after reading hundreds of fics of these two characters, it is still magic to me. How they slot together, how they mend each other's jagged edges, how they are meant to be. It's just beautiful and no media has ever come close to what this pairing does for me, and this fic was the perfect reminder of that fact.

Aziraphale has just moved to Tadfield to open a bakery, hoping for an escape from a life that has been nothing but guilt, repression, and shame. In town, he meets the wildfire that is Crowley. Fallen from grace, Crowley spends his days doing community service as his penance. Both runaways looking for a fresh start, who discover a home in each other. This work really captures them beautifully, so true to their roots but with a powerful take of it's own. It's soft, domestic, the most beautiful fantasy of finding someone who you just fit with.

The love story between the pair is the star of the show, but the rest of the cast are outstanding as well. I love spending time in Tracy and Shadwell's pub, and Adam was the perfect way to round out their family. And I can't forget to mention good girl, Lucy, our lovely dog friend who always made me smile. I would read a million words of this story, I want to know everything about this town and it's residents. I want to watch lazy days in the bakery, and sit at their table at dinner time. And what I also really really want is to live in Crowley's greenhouse. It sounds perfect! So beautiful and cozy, I want to lay in bed while it rains with Golden Girls in the background. The landscape and buildings here were rich characters of their own.

Simply put, this fic is gorgeous. Going by the notes, it looks like this was actually written in 2017 (book omens), taken down, and then reuploaded this year. Thank someone it's back up because I needed to read this one. There's a short, non explicit scene, but you'll be fine in public if you wish. Though, I think this one is best suited to home or at least a nice quiet and contemplative space.

Read it here, fic by Ayes

[shiratamahatsumiyo]

TWST with an Anodite reader Part 2

• So for the entirety of the Heartslabyul Arc, you have never wished this much to smack the shit out of a redhead in your entire life. Seriously, if you're old enough to fully control your powers, maybe you could twist reality a bit and make Riddle acknowledge what he's doing to his dorm and it's residents.

• You get chills down your spine everytime someone mentions Riddle's Unique Magic... It's the same thing with the mana dampening electronics back at home. You sometimes avoid Cater because he keeps taking pictures of you to the point of making you uncomfortable and almost break his phone.

• At the time where you and Grim are picking chestnuts in the Botanical Garden, you encountered the lazy lion that shouldn't have slept there with his tail exposed. You sensed that Leona knows that there's something off about you but he couldn't figure out what or why.

• During Riddle's Overblot rampage, everyone was surprised that you're suddenly able to use magic. However, you became overwhelmed by his attacks and faltered. Trey, realizing that staying shocked isn't helping, noticed this and told you to evacuate the residents with Crowley and you obeyed.

• Riddle finally sends a huge wave of blotted magic that collared everyone. You quickly shed your skin before it hits you. With your true form revealed, you nonchalantly grabbed the collar around your neck, break it into pieces, and everyone watched with shock as the remaining shards of Riddle's collar dropped to the ground.

• You levitated closer to Riddle and that's when he became desperate to destroy you...

Overblot!Riddle: " W-WH- WHA-- THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!! THIS CANNOT BE... YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAGICLESS?!! HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!!! I AM THE RULES!!!! YOU. MUST. OBEY. ME!!!!!!"

Anodite!Yuu: "..."

• He kept throwing large trees and rocks at you but you just evade them and absorb more mana around you, causing you to be even more powerful than before. You deflected the spears, you crushed the rocks, you shield yourself from incoming attacks...

Overblot!Riddle: " A- A NUISANCE. A NUISANCE! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, I ORDER YOU TO STAY BACK! I SAID STAY BACK!!!"

Anodite!Yuu: "........No."

• He could only watch as you overpower him until you soar from high up to falling down with charged speed and crashed back onto the ground, leaving a huge and bright shockwave and a small crater. You got up, looking over to your right, a normal-looking Riddle covered in blot stains, lies unmoving from your final attack.

• You panicked and immediately inspected if he's just unconscious but you felt your own consciousness slipping as you can only hear muffled voices and blurred vision, then everything went black.

• You woke up in the Infirmary along with Riddle who is already awake and standing beside you. He apologized in tears and promised that he'll atone for all the wrongs he's done to the people around. You then make a quiet gesture with your finger and whispered to Riddle that you'd forgive him if he orders all of Heartslabyul to be keep their mouths shut about your Anodite form.

• There was confusion on his face at first but then tells you that he vaguely remembers you doing magic. You just brushed it off and told him to keep quiet about it anyway and say that it was him being hysterical. Yet somehow you know that Riddle is the same as the beastman in the Botanical Garden, he suspects but couldn't find the answer.

• You just enjoyed the rest of the Unbirthday Party with your friends. Riddle kept his promise to tell everyone in Heartslabyul to never talk about what they have witnessed and Crowley even threatened to expel any of them if they spread the rumors.

• And yet, ears always have gossip to listen to...

[very-normal-abt-this]

I forgive you = I don't forgive myself.

 Here is a little psychological analysis of the worst sentence ever uttered in the history of everything. I've decided that Aziraphale is utilizing a subconscious psychological defense strategy called "projection" (I'm a professional psychologist, so I can use the lingo :P)

We all use this at certain times in our lives. What happens is, when we feel that our behaviors, feelings, or thoughts are unacceptable; When they go against some of our values and create an internal value conflict - we feel shame, anger, fear, confusion. Feeling this way about ourselves is extremely uncomfortable, so sometimes, instead of acknowledging those feelings ("Wow I am feeling really angry at myself right now"), people will *Project* those feelings onto the person who is involved in the situation that is causing us to feel that value conflict. And, we are more likely to use this defense strategy when our emotional resources have been depleted. When we don't have the emotional energy to recognize and cope with painful feelings that we are feeling. Sometimes its just easier to be angry at someone else, instead of being angry at ourselves, you know?

Now, lets look at how this concept applies to Aziraphale's reaction to *The Kiss.* We know that his emotional resources have certainly been depleted by all of the emotional events that just occurred in the span of a day: planning and executing the ball, building up the courage to ask Crowley to dance, actually dancing with Crowley in front of everyone, realizing that he put his guests in serious danger when demons show up, fighting for his life, seeing Jimbriel and Beelz get their happy ending and realizing that it is possible,  seeing Metatron come down from Heaven, and finally being offered an insane opportunity for himself and for Crowley. Wow, that is.... A LOT, don't you agree?  So, by the time Aziraphale is having the "final 15" conversation with Crowley - he can no longer effectively process unexpected and complex thoughts and emotions.

Uuuuunfortunately, that is exactly what he gets during the conversation with Crowley. First, Crowley has an unexpected and complex reaction to the offer of being together as angels (unexpected to emotionally unhinged Aziraphale, not to us of course). Then, Crowley proceeds to drops an emotional bombshell by doing something that has never been done before - openly discussing the nature of their relationship and his feeling about Aziraphale. After that, Aziraphale himself chooses to show the most vulnerability and honesty about his feelings that he has ever shown (i.e. "I need you!"). And what is the final cherry on top of this "emotional tsunami" pie? The straw that completely breaks the camel's back? (aka temporarily breaks his friggin mind) ***THE KISS.***

As an aside, I am not AT ALL saying that Crowley was wrong for anything that he did or said in the final 15. I believe he was right to say and do all of it. I am simply breaking down the factors that were present in the context of that conversation. And one of the factors is -- the timing of it all was just horrendous. It was horrendous, because both of them had very depleted emotional resources at that moment in time. Aziraphale was basically primed to become completely overwhelmed and confused by all the new and complicated emotions/ideas that he was required to process. On top of it, he was required to process them in a very short amount of time, with damn Dickatron putting pressure on him to make a decision ASAP.

Okay, so what do humans do when we are completely overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions? Sometimes what happens is - we REVERT to the familiar. We REGRESS to things that are the most automatic and easiest to understand. We revert to thoughts and behaviors that have been the most practice, even if they are not effective and not relevant to the situation at hand (which we don't recognize until later, when we are out of that "fight of flight" state). 

Back to Aziraphale. He is experiencing an insane amount of emotions during and after the kiss. He is trying to process his emotions and the implications of the kiss; and he is also trying to make a super hard decision, all at the same time. What he should have done is say to Crowley - "wow this is a lot for me to process right now and I'm completely overwhelmed. Can I please have 15 minutes to myself so I can re regulate my nervous system, and then we will keep talking?"

Unfortunately, when we're overwhelmed by emotions - its really hard to see the different options available to us. We go into a sort of "tunnel vision" and revert to our internalized and automatic beliefs and behaviors. For Aziraphale, that means - regressing to the old beliefs that Heaven has programmed into him. Maybe beliefs like: acting on carnal desires is wrong (look at what happened to adam and eve); good angels don't engage in physical intimacy and they certainly don't crave it or enjoy it; it's selfish to consider choosing your personal happiness and your personal desires over an opportunity to help others/help the world.   If those are some of his old values - Aziraphale has just acted against all of them!

When we act against our old values (even when we know that those values are no longer working for us, and we are actively working on changing them) - we still feel ashamed, guilty, and angry at ourselves. This is especially likely to happen in times of great stress and emotional overwhelm. So, now we get to the equation from the top. Aziraphale is feeling ashamed of himself, angry at himself, and guilty for his thoughts and feelings (i.e. for liking/wanting the kiss, for loving Crowley, for wanting to be with Crowley more than he wants to "help the world").

He is feeling that he needs to be forgiven for the way he feels, and for the way he is. However, due to his temporarily deficient emotional resources  -  Aziraphale is not able to accurately attribute the feelings he is experiencing (anger, shame, guilt, desire for forgiveness) to the correct source. He mistakenly decides that he must be feeling those feelings towards Crowley (not toward himself), and he must be feeling them because of what Crowley did (Kiss him), not because of what Aziraphale did (enjoy and reciprocate the kiss). And Viola, the process of Projection is now complete.

He says: "I forgive you" to Crowley, but Aziraphale is the one who wants his own forgiveness. Which, unfortunately, he does not get. At least not yet. (Yay for religious trauma).

In conclusion, the sad thing about bad timing and projection is: now Crowley is worried that Aziraphale sees him as sinful and unacceptable, as someone who needs forgiveness. But the truth is, Aziraphale is the one who still struggles with seeing himself as sinful and unacceptable, and as someone who needs forgiveness for his urges, desires, and feelings.

But, the good news is - Aziraphale does not always see himself in that way. We know that he has been putting a lot of work into breaking away from heaven's toxic values, and into developing his own values (e.g. "our side"). Like I said above, old habits die hard, they are more likely to surface during times of stress, and all that is a normal part of the process of psychological change.

I am very confident that once Aziraphale has a hot minute to himself, once he has time to calmly process everything that's happened - he will see some things differently. And he will eventually be doing the Apology Dance for "using projection as a deadly weapon. " :)

[ladybracknellssherry]

i wanted to very deliberately curate a playlist that didn't have the usual suspects - no velvets, queen, hozier, no every.

basically imagining my bbygrl is just minding his business out and about post-divorce drinking his sixth bottle of talisker of the day and one of these songs comes on i think he'd throw up and it makes me throw up why i did this to myself

anyway, enjoy!

[k1ngdom-of-thieves]

Hello! May I ask for a Vil,Riddle,Trey,Idia and Jack with a frail reader who has a lot of medical issues like having a lot of meds and struggling to live in Ramshackle bc of the dust etc? I have a problem with my strength so it would be cool to see these characters deal with a reader like this.

Vil, Riddle, Trey, Idia and Jack + reader with medical issues

I tried to keep descriptions vague because I’m not the best with writing for illnesses.

Vil Schoenheit

Vil would immediately ask you to stay in Pomfiore as soon as he found out about your current living conditions. The dust and bugs in the dorm are not gonna be helping your medical issues in the slightest.

If you agree to going to Pomfiore, he’ll make sure that your room would be set up with any medical supplies you could need. From various types of allergy medicine, to practically any flavor of cough drop you could possibly want. Is it a little overboard? Yes, but he’s just really worried about you.

If you opt to stay in Ramshackle, Vil would be very against the notion but wouldn’t argue with you about it. Instead, he’ll help you clean every nook and cranny in that dorm.

Although he looks fairly thin, he’s still plenty strong. Don’t even think about over-exerting yourself; not only will you get the longest scolding of your life, he’ll also take whatever you were trying to carry and do it for you.

“Please don’t place too much pressure on yourself. I know you are plenty capable on your own, but you can still rely on me if you feel overwhelmed.”

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle would be so irritated that Crowley would make you stay in a place like Ramshackle knowing of your medical problems. How could such a great mage be so irresponsible!?

He doesn’t mind if you would rather stay in the dorm than live somewhere else, but that just means he’ll work to make sure Ramshackle is spotless.

Since his parents are doctors, he knows a little bit about how to treat certain conditions or what medications work the best. He’ll practically buy the entire store’s stock of whatever medicine would make you feel better.

If you ever get sick, he’ll be worrying more than you’d be. He’s checking up on you every chance he gets; from in between classes, to after the equestrian club meetings, and before he goes to sleep.

“Do you want anything from the store? I could bring a humidifier just in case you need it.”

Trey Clover

Trey would love to be able to offer you a place in Heartslabyul, but he’s really in no position to do so; with him having three other roommates in his dorm room. But he’ll definitely ask Riddle about it if you’re interested.

He’ll be right by your side if you need anything, no matter how small it is. Even if it’s during club meetings, plus Rook doesn’t seem to be offended by Trey disappearing from time to time. He says stuff about being able to witness the beauty of young love.

Even though he’s a better baker than chef, he’ll still try to make you any dish that you could want. Don’t worry about it being to complex for him to make, if anything he’ll just ask one of the cafeteria ghosts to help him out.

If you ever experience aches and pains, he’ll offer to give you a massage. Sure, it may not help with all of your pain but it’ll definitely be super relaxing.

“How are you feeling? Please let me know if you’re feeling any pain; I may not be able to get rid of all of it, but I’ll try my best if it’s for you.”

Idia Shroud

Idia would have nothing but the highest respect for you. Not only are you living in a dusty, rundown, haunted building with no wifi; you’re doing it all with a bunch of medical conditions! That’s like playing on maddening difficulty!!

He’ll make sure that Ignihyde has the best medical equipment if you ever choose to spend the night there. He might go a little overboard with it, but he’s just worried about not being able to help of you need him.

Don’t be surprised if you see a little robot delivering treats to you if you’re not feeling the best. Sometimes, it’ll be Ortho that comes to sing you a tune from a show he and Idia watched.

If you ever ask him to let you live at his dorm, he’d be over the moon. He’d be so excited to have you around more often.

“How are you feeling? If you’re not feeling the best, let me know and I’ll turn your difficulty settings down as fast as I can!.” He just wants to help.

Jack Howl

Jack is another guy who’ll want to invite you to his dorm; just to get you away from all the dust if nothing else. But seeing that his dorm is Savanaclaw, you probably won’t be getting the best medical attention aside from athletic injuries.

He will drop everything that he’s doing in order to help you if you’re ever in pain or just feeling under the weather. Don’t ever feel guilty about him always being there when you call; he’s doing it because he loves you, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

This wolf boy has like a sixth sense for knowing what you need when you need it. Even if it’s not something like medicine; once he bought you bug spray without you even knowing you were out of it.

Constantly spends the night in Ramshackle to be able to check on you easier. He gets anxious sometimes. It’s gotten to the point where the ghosts have started bringing an extra chair to the dinner table for him.

“What? No I wasn’t worried over you, I know you can handle yourself. My ears aren’t drooping either!”

[mimisempai]

I wasn't expecting you 3/5

Chapter Summary - Welcome, Crowley

Crowley spends his first evening at the pub with the other shopkeepers on Whickber Street, and thanks to the meddling of some of them, gets to know the bookseller better.

Notes

I'm back from my holidays and ready to continue the story of the barista and the book seller. 

As you can see, I've added one chapter to the total, because the last chapter needed to be cut.

On Ao3

Rating G -  1872 words

Chap 1 - Chap 2 - Chap 3 - Chap 4 - Chap 5

Crowley took a deep breath and opened the door of the Dirty Donkey. He wasn't the shy type, but experience had taught him to be cautious, and it had been a long time since he had sought the company of others who had often disappointed him.

However, this was the first time in a long time that he'd been welcomed into a group without having to make an effort to be friendly, so he decided to give it a try.

Not to mention a bookseller who had more than piqued his interest.

When the barista entered the crowded pub, he immediately looked around for Nina or any other member of the group that was supposed to be there, and of course the first thing he noticed was the tuft of tousled pale hair.

Then his eyes were drawn to Nina waving at him, and he saw that everyone was already there. Noticing that they all had a drink in front of them, Crowley stopped at the bar to order a glass of Talisker and, glass in hand, made his way to the table.

As he approached the group, Maggie pushed herself aside to give him a seat between Aziraphale and herself. 

She pulled out a chair and patted it, saying, "Crowley, come and sit here!"

Crowley put his glass on the table and said gently, "Thanks, but you didn't have to bother."

Mrs. Sandwich, or rather Rosie as she had almost ordered him to call her, chuckled before replying, "Don't worry about it, darling. The two lovebirds are just happy to be closer."

As he sat down, he saw that Maggie and Nina did indeed look happy to be closer as they intertwined their hands. Then his eyes went around the table and he said to the group, "Hello everyone."

A concert of greetings and welcoming words answered him, making him feel more and more at ease, despite the fact that a week ago he didn't even know anyone.

When the general chatter died down, Nina raised her glass and said in a loud voice, "I'd like to propose a toast to Crowley. You know how much of a pain in the ass I can be..." she paused as there was some snickering around the table, then continued, "Yes, yes, I do, and yet Crowley rose to the challenge with flying colors, so that deserves a first round, it's on me!"

Everyone offered their own little comment, from light-hearted digs at Nina's temper to praise for his new employee's patience. Crowley listened and watched, smiling and sipping his drink, nodding from time to time.

Suddenly, Aziraphale's hand resting on his arm snapped him out of his thoughts as the bookseller leaned over and said kindly in a low voice, "They can be a little overwhelming sometimes, but they're all very nice. And I can see they appreciate you already."

Crowley nodded and replied in the same tone, "It's been a long time since I've been among such open and... welcoming people, it's a little strange..."

Aziraphale asked gently as he removed his hand from Crowley's arm, "We're all a bit special here in a way, but do you mean strange in a good way or a bad way?"

Crowley smiled sweetly and replied, "Good. I think I could get used to it."

Aziraphale clinked his glass against his and said softly, only for Crowley's ears, "I hope so. Welcome here."

Again, something passed between them, indefinable but very much there, as Crowley replied almost in a whisper, "Thank you."

Without breaking eye contact, each took a sip from his glass and smiled.

However, the moment of grace was short-lived when they were interrupted by Aziraphale's other table neighbor, Mr. Brown, who moved closer to Aziraphale and said in a loud voice for the entire table to hear, "I couldn't help but overhear part of your conversation and I couldn't agree with you more, Aziraphale, we're all a little bit special, here. But I have to say, Crowley, you are really special. I mean, that hair and especially those eyes. It's not natural, really, and-"

Aziraphale interrupted, exclaiming, "I think it's pretty!"

Crowley couldn't hold back a small gasp, which made Aziraphale realize what he'd just said. The bookseller coughed and stood up, saying, "I see everyone's glasses are empty, so the next round's on me, since my return seems to be one of the reasons for this little party. I'll order from the bar."

Before Crowley could respond, the carpet seller stood and added, "I'll help him."

Crowley watched them walk away, a little, a lot if he was honest, annoyed by Mr. Brown's kind of possessive behavior.

Then, as his gaze shifted to Aziraphale, he thought again of the bookseller's words.

"I think it's pretty!"

He'd heard a lot of things said about his distinctive amber eyes: strange, weird, freaky, fake. But to hear them described as pretty with such warmth in the voice, never.

"Awww, Crowley, your cheeks are as red as your hair!"

He couldn't help but touch his cheeks as he turned to Nina, who had just spoken when Rosie gave a thumbs up and said, "Go for it!"

Crowley muttered, "Go for it! Go for it! Looks like the other redhead here is already in the place."

Maggie, who was closest to him, heard him and said softly, "Oh, no, don't think so. You have no reason to be jealous. I'm the one who's known Aziraphale the longest, and he's never looked at anyone the way he looks at you."

Nina, Justine, Rosie, and even Mr. Arnold, the music store owner who didn't talk much, nodded in support of Maggie's words as Aziraphale and the carpet seller returned with the drinks. 

What he didn't see were the winks they all shared.

Just as Aziraphale and Mr. Brown were about to sit down, Rosie stood up and said to the rug seller, "Let's change seats, I need to talk to your neighbor and it's not easy with someone between us, sorry Justine."

Justine, who was sitting between Mr. Arnold and Rosie, shook her head and replied, "That's good, because I wanted to talk to Arthur about new carpets for the restaurant."

Crowley met Nina's gaze as she winked at him and couldn't suppress a small laugh that went unnoticed as everyone took their seats. In the space of a week, he'd come to realize that Whickber Street was full of gossip and that everyone liked to meddle in each other's lives. He didn't usually like that, but he was beginning to realize that it was more about caring than meddling, and that was new, too. People who cared about him.

The atmosphere at the table calmed down a bit as Justine engaged the grumpy Mr. Brown in a discussion about a possible sale that brought a smile back to the seller's face, Rosie struck up a conversation with the placid Mr. Arnold, and Nina and Maggie were carrying on a discussion reserved for them alone, judging by the enamored looks the two women exchanged.

Crowley took a sip of his drink and, alcohol helping, couldn't help but ask the bookseller, "Do you really think it's pretty?"

Aziraphale's gaze was incredibly gentle as he replied, "I rarely say things I don't mean. I mean, yellow is my favorite color, my car is yellow, a lot of things in my shop have that warm hue, so of course I think your eyes are pretty."

Other than a throaty thank you, Crowley found nothing to say in response to Aziraphale's disarming honesty.

After a few seconds of silence, the other man asked, "So tell me, what made you want to answer Nina's ad?"

Encouraged by the bookseller's openness, Crowley had no desire to go down the road of pretense and half-truths, and replied with equal honesty, "I have no family or ties, and I've never stayed in one place long enough to form a bond. With my looks, people don't trust me easily, and-"

Aziraphale, listening to Crowley with his chin resting on his hand, interrupted, "You could have changed your look."

Crowley, sensing no judgment in the other man's voice or expression, shook his head and said, "And not be me anymore? Impossible."

Aziraphale, obviously approving of Crowley's answer, nodded and the barista continued, "After another professional disappointment, the chance of my path brought me here, and Nina's ad came at just the right time, as I was looking to settle down for something more permanent, something that would last. And icing on the cake, I seem to be accepted for who I am here."

Aziraphale replied quietly, "I'm delighted you've decided to put your bags down here, and if I may add, there's nothing to accept, you're fine as you are. At least for me."

Crowley replied, "Thank you. If I may say so, you're very direct."

"In my family, it was better not to say what was on your mind, and now that I'm free of that, I don't want to waste any more time on hypocrisy and pretense."

Crowley replied with a broad smile, "I like that."

In their own world, the two men continued to chat, oblivious to the knowing, affectionate glances of the conspirators around the table. There was another round of drinks, this time courtesy of Crowley, and the evening was well underway when they decided to leave the Dirty Donkey.

A few more pleasantries were exchanged and then everyone headed home. Aziraphale and Crowley watched in amusement as Nina and Maggie carried a drunken Mr. Brown home, and Justine waved to them before walking away, following in Mr. Arnold's footsteps.

Crowley turned to the bookseller and they looked at each other for a few moments in silence.

"So this is love, lalala lalala... So this is what makes life divine..."

They turned to Rosie, who had just hummed past them, and she turned back, waving her hand.

"Good night, boys."

Crowley chuckled softly, "They're not very subtle."

Aziraphale replied with a chuckle, "No, but I can't blame them, can you?"

Crowley looked intently at Aziraphale in silence before replying in a clear voice, "No. Not at all."

Aziraphale held out his hand and said gently, "Well, good night, Crowley, and see you tomorrow."

Crowley took the bookseller's hand and asked, confused, "Tomorrow?"

Aziraphale's smile turned mischievous as he replied, "Well, yes, for my pastry."

"Oh, you come to Nina's every day?"

Aziraphale shook his head.

"No, but I have a reason to now. Good night, Crowley."

Crowley, once again surprised by the bookseller's straightforward attitude, replied, "Good night, Aziraphale. See you tomorrow."

Aziraphale nodded, then walked away toward the bookshop.

Crowley followed him with his eyes for a while before heading for the coffee shop. When he reached the door, he put the key in the lock and couldn't help but look back at the bookshop one last time, only to see to his surprise that the bookseller had done the same.

Crowley waved one last time before entering his building, this time without looking back. 

For the first time in a long time, he felt hope blossom within him, and he didn't stop himself from relishing it. 

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here

[aliahm]

“When I’m not with you, think of you always”

Crowley x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: You wind up talking to Crowley about the unexpected reason you bought your new sunglasses.

Warnings: Mentions of crying and being overwhelmed

If there are any content warnings I left out, or I made any mistakes writing for a gender neutral reader, please let me know.

(Credit for the beautiful dividers used in this post goes to each of the creators here on tumblr. The images were found on google, and credit for each of them goes to the owners. The title is a lyric from, of course, “Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy” by Queen <3).

“Hey, love?”

You looked up from your laptop, towards the sound of Crowley’s voice, and saw him standing in the living room doorway.

“Hm?”

“Where’d you get these?”

Dangling from his fingers was a pair of sunglasses that somewhat resembled his own.

“Oh,” you responded, a bit reluctantly, “I bought them a few days ago. They’re for uh, going out”.

He turned the sunglasses over in his hands, observing them more closely. “We went to lunch yesterday and you didn’t wear them”.

You nodded, “Yeah, they’re only for when I’m not with you”.

“Well,” he scoffed, caught off guard by your response, “I suppose if we walked around wearing the same thing it’d get old soon enough”.

You smiled amusedly, and before you could stop yourself, you replied: “True, but that’s not the reason”.

“Then what’s the reason?”

“Damnit” you mentally cursed yourself for letting that slip.

Your eyes zeroed in on your sunglasses in his hands, and then started bouncing back and forth from yours to his, which were hanging from the neckline of his shirt.

“It’s not important.” you answered hesitantly.

“Honey-”

“You don’t believe me, right?”

“Not for a second”.

He walked over to the couch you were sitting on, and knelt behind it, as you turned around in your seat to fully face him.

“What’s going on?”

“It might sound kind of strange”.

“That’s alright,” he reassured you. “you know you can talk to me”.

You nodded, and told him:

“I bought them for when I’m not with you, because I don’t need them then”.

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“Cause you help me through it when I’m overwhelmed, but when you’re not there, all I can do is cry”.

“and you bought the sunglasses because you don’t want anybody to see you?”

You nodded again. “People don’t usually react well when I cry, but it happens so much. Even when I don’t want to cry, it happens, and I hate it”.

“Tears are nothing to be ashamed of,” he reminded you, “especially when you’re overwhelmed, and you have to put yourself first when that happens. It doesn’t matter what anyone else might think about you crying”.

“I know that,” you agreed, “but still, you’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like it’s okay to cry at all. When you’re not around, I go back to trying to hide it, cause it’s all I know how to do”.

“Sometimes I wish I could be there all the time.” He told you, a thoughtful frown crossing his face. “Makes me feel better to know I’m right there if you need me”.

“I know,” you replied, squeezing his hand, “but I won’t ask that of you. We both know I can handle myself, I’m just trying to figure out how to do that”.

“You’re not some problem to be “handled”, baby. You’re a person with feelings, and you already do a damn good job at handling those feelings every day, even when it’s difficult”.

A grateful smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and he continued:

“Even so, neither of us can control peoples’ reactions to what we do, and we both know I wouldn’t react well if anyone decided to judge you for crying”.

He nodded towards your sunglasses.

“If these help you when I’m not around, then good, but if ever they’re not enough, then you come to me, or just say the word and I’ll come to you, no matter where or when”.

“I promise I will”.

“Good”.

He smiled and pressed his lips to your forehead, and you smiled along with him, an idea suddenly entering your mind.

“Wanna see me try the sunglasses on?”

Crowley laughed, and gently ran his fingers through your hair. “Go for it, sweetheart”.

[octo-hyacinth]

HI HELLO IT’S OKAY UWU It’s me, your friendly neighborhood chronically ill anon who made the request!🖤 The request was for dorm leaders(with Malleus and Idia replaced with Jamil and either Rook or the Leech Boys) and how they would be with a Prefect S/O who’s chronically ill(weak due to back/joint pain, struggles to exert themselves too hard as it causes trouble breathing, has dizzy spells and nausea, etc.)but does their best to manage it and keep a positive outlook, even on the rough days!

Hello, my lovely anon! thanks so much for the requests, anddd im sorry if these hc’s don’t really apply to you, but i promise i tried bc you deserve to be comforted by your favorite boys <3

~~~~~

The Boys with a Chronically Ill S/O

Characters: Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Kalim Al-Asim, Vil Schoenheit, Jamil Viper, Floyd and Jade Leech

Content Warnings: total fluff, written on mobile, these boys are so smitten with you its not even funny, mentions of drugs(?)/getting high in Jade’s but its just cuz of his shrooms

A/N: guys omg i finally figured out how to get motivation to write omg [i immediately keel over and die from being scholastically overwhelmed] but putting life’s crap aside, this was actually quite fun to write!

Riddle Rosehearts

Initially very upset when he sees that you tend to push yourself and ignore your pain and exhaustion on a daily basis.

With how much he fusses over you, you’re half convinced there’s a rule about this situation somewhere, but no, he’s just like an angry mother hen, pecking at you constantly to take a break, or running to Sam’s store to get you painkillers or whatever else you need at all.

Totally wants to yell at Vargas when he hears that he was pushing you a bit too hard in PE, and you got super exhausted as a result and had to force yourself to take a break.

However, Riddle’s very proud of you for powering through every day despite your sickness and pain. He doesn’t know very many people at the rest of the school who could endure what you have without complaining.

During the evenings, he likes to sit with you in bed and have a few cups of tea while going over homework or just having nice conversation, whether that’s just how your day went or deeper topics, whatever you want to do, he’ll do, for you.

Sometimes he’ll ask Trey to bake you some sort if pastry or sweet, if you so desire. If not, then he’ll treat you to whatever you want at the cafeteria for lunch, and every time he’s fighting the urge to yell at Crowley for not supplying you with enough funds to have a comfortable life like everyone else.

No matter what, he always wants to support you and ease your suffering however he can, you just have to tell him what you want, and he’ll do it. He may be the ‘Queen’ of Heartslabyul, but he’ll always be there to serve you.

Leona Kingscholar

At first, he probably doesn’t even know that there’s such a thing as an illness that causes you nausea, and bodily weakness, and everything else. Because he kind of grew up around royalty, he was only ever around people who received the best healthcare money could buy, and never really stopped to consider there were people like you who weren’t exactly in top shape.

He never blamed you for it, though. If anything, he was irritated at whatever created you and decided to mess up your body like that. Why shouldn’t you get to live painlessly, and be able to run free and do whatever you want without getting dizzy and nauseous? Bullshit.

Always dragged you away from PE class (and maybe other classes too) to go nap with him. He tended to unconsciously hold onto you like he was trying to protect you from the illness trying to snatch you away. Maybe if you slept by his side enough, all that stuff would fade, and maybe you could sleep peacefully enough to dream about a world where you could live without this chronic garbage. That’s what he said, anyway.

He DEFINITELY yells at Vargas when he’s picking on you, no restraint to be seen anywhere. Leona’s very protective of you like that.

When you’re out and around the school, he’s not by your side all the time (can’t come off as clingy, now, can we?) but he meets you in the halls when he can, and subtly praises you for making it through the day so far.

Sends Ruggie to get you painkillers, nausea medicine, your favorite snacks, anything. Doesn’t care how much it costs, if it’s for you.

Azul Ashengrotto

Once he becomes aware of your chronic illness (and he finds out very fast. He’s a well-informed boy), he’s dropping everything to go help or comfort you at any given moment. He’ll even leave class if he needs to.

Not that he needs much excuse to skip PE class in particular.

Will procrastinate on paperwork and Mostro Lounge duties when he can to be with you, and send Jade, Floyd, or both to accompany you when he can’t. Don’t worry, they have your best interests in mind (most of the time).

Always has medication and snacks on hand in his office, and a spot permanently reserved for you in a quiet part of the Lounge for you to retreat to whenever you needed a break, free of charge! And he always told his waiters to gift you one free drink of your choice. He’s just benevolent like that, isn’t he?

However if you need to get away from the noise, the door to his office is always open. He’d be glad to have you stay with him for a little while.

He’s also very proud of the way you constantly seem to have a glass-half-full mindset in your life, even when things can be so rough for you. It’s quite admirable, really. He wished he was able to hold onto your positivity when he was younger during his own rough days of being teased by everyone else.

If it seems at all like you’re struggling during the day, he’ll gently thread his fingers through yours and whisper encouragements like “I think you’re doing wonderful today, darling” softly into your hair. And in the evenings, if you happen to be in Azul’s room, he likes to hold you in his arms, offering complete protection from the pains and worries of the world, and gives you an opportunity to relax or even fall asleep if you wish, in as safe a place as he can give you.

He’s never been so soft and open with anyone like this before. It’s new to him, all of it, but he’s willing to do absolutely anything for you, because he’s never, in all his life, found a pearl that shines as beautifully as you, and he’s not going to wanna let you slip through his fingers. He wants to treasure you as softly and as reverently as you deserve.

Floyd Leech

Aww man, does this mean he can’t squeeze his Shrimpy as hard as he wants?

It’s fine, he understands that it’ll hurt a bit too much for you, but it still makes him sad :(

Only gentle squeezes for this Shrimpy

HOWEVER given how tall and strong he is, he could totally pick you up and carry you with ease, and he doesn’t even need an excuse to do it (maybe for the teachers he needs one. But he can just say he’s taking you to the infirmary)

He’ll fight ANYONE who even tries to give you shit for not being as physically healthy as everyone else, and you better believe those guys are not walkin’ out of that fight without a couple missing teeth or some broken bones.

After he beats the shit out of those haters though, he just grabs you like there’s not a problem in the world and carries you bridal-style through the halls and away to… somewhere else. Maybe he’ll take you to the Mostro Lounge and get you some food! As long as you give him affection in return.

You tell him about anything you need him to get from Sam’s once, and he’s got that memorized for GOOD. Always knows what you need and want after that without you ever needing to repeat yourself.

Totally down to let you sleep in his bed every night if you wanted to, he loves cuddling with you at night, it’s comforting! And it helps him sleep more solidly. Down in the Coral Sea, as a general rule, if you were alone, you were unsafe, especially if you were sleeping alone. So it’s nice to be able to hold onto you and let him feel like he’s got someone with him. He’ll always be there to protect you as well, obviously!

He’s proud of you for staying positive on your rough days, but he’s there for you to fall back on if it just gets too tiring one day. But on the regular, he’s cheering you on and telling you how awesome you are for looking at the bright side all the time. Even when he’s in a bad mood, once he notices your optimism, it lightens a bit, because seeing you so bright and happy can’t help but make him feel a little better.

Jade Leech

He’s always very attentive to your needs. There’s never a moment when he’s unprepared for anything you might desire, it’s like he’s psychic.

Like, you’re wanting to leave PE class? Before you even open your mouth, Jade’s already on his way to Vargas to inform him that sadly you will be absent for the rest of the period due to unfortunate circumstances, and he will be accompanying you to the nurse’s office shortly.

In reality, you can go wherever you want to go and do whatever you want to do once Vargas is out of sight, because Jade gives exactly no shits as long as you’re happy.

Somehow he has pain and nausea meds on him like, all the time. You don’t even need to go anywhere to get any cuz guess what, your boy Jade’s gotchu.

May or may not have you experiment with some of his mushrooms to test their healing or pain-numbing abilities (don’t you worry, he would never drug you on purpose without permission, as curious as he is. He’ll save the hallucinogenic ones for messing with Floyd and Azul.)

He’s also very good at potions as well, so he may get a bit experimental with those as well, possibly adding in a few shrooms here and there. But it’s all for your benefit— he truly does want to help you and wants to get you some relief from the chronic pains.

He’s not exactly surprised you’re able to keep a smile on your face day to day— he knows thats just how you are. However that doesn’t mean he isn’t impressed at how you continue the positivity without showing a hint of wanting to break most days. He’s impressed by how it’s not entirely a façade, that you’re truly happy most of the time.

But when you’re at your lowest, when you’re in the most pain or unusually tired, he’s always there for you to fall into his arms and forget about the world for a little bit.

Kalim Al-Asim

He’s really really sad for you once he realizes that because of your illness, you can’t do anything that requires lots of moving around, like dancing as jubilantly as he can! He’d really love to dance with you, and he expresses as much with a sad, almost puppy-like face.

It sucks that you can’t really do particular things, but he’s determined to find something you CAN do that you’ll both enjoy, that doesn’t mean you have to experience any pain!

Would a carpet ride work? He wishes he could take you on a carpet ride. Hmmm.

Well, while he figures that out, he asks Jamil to maybe come up with a potion to take away some of your pain, so that he can teach you to dance!

But on most regular days, he’ll constantly tap on your arm and slip you little notes during class that say stuff like “hey r u doing ok? :)”

But it’s like. all the time. almost to the point of being annoying. He just wants to make sure that you’re doing okay enough to still be in class, and if you ever give the slightest indication it’s getting kind of bad, he’s dragging you by the arm and already on his way to the door, not even stopping before he’s saying “We’ll be right back, professor!” with a happy wave before he’s already gone with you in tow.

Makes you dizzy with how fast he’s speed-walking, and you actually have to tell him to slow down so it goes away. He didn’t mean to, though, but he’s endlessly apologizing anyway. He loves you a lot and would never do that on purpose! :(

He has Jamil whip up some Scalding Sands specialty dishes whenever it’s been a rough day for you, and makes sure it’s to your taste, whether you like spiciness or not. It’s supposed to be a comfort food after all!

Kalim’s always your number one cheerleader, and he wants to motivate you throughout the day to keep going, and is always happy to see you staying upbeat!

He’s always by your side, if that wasn’t clear. Always trying to be there to make you laugh or keep your mood up and to check in on you, and until you literally tell him to go away he’s not leaving you, he cares too much to want to leave you on your own… but if it’s solitude you need, of course he’ll respect that. He knows not to cross clear-set boundaries when it comes to you.

Jamil Viper

Not super clingy like some of the others, but he definitely gives you more attention and care than he normally would.

Cooks for you almost every day, whether its a simple lunch or an extravagant dinner he set up in his room for just the two of you. He puts a lot of thought into your taste preferences when he shares his food with you, and never forgets your reactions to anything, no matter how subtle your facial expressions are. He always remembers what you definitely seem to like, and knows how to tweak other dishes to make them even more delicious.

Despite his ever-busy schedule, he’ll make trips to Sam’s every day to get you any medication or painkillers you need. Sometimes he’ll even brew a potion for you to try and ease the pain.

If you’re tired or in pain during class and can’t focus, he’ll automatically share his notes with you and personally go over everything you might have missed later.

If you’re sleeping in his room (let’s face it, his bed is likely much more comfortable than the one in Ramshackle) he gathers all the pillows he can and makes it as comfortable as possible for you if you need support for your back or joints.

Keeps a stock of whatever you could possibly need right in his room. And if he doesn’t have it, he’s already off to get it for you.

He’s not really a very physically affectionate person, but he will massage you if you’re in pain, and rub your back or run his fingers along your scalp if you’re tired or even while you’re asleep.

It’s acts of service for him. Maybe he’s so used to serving the Asim family that it’s just become second nature, but part of him truly wants to serve you and do whatever it is you ask of him, and he wants to do things for you of his own accord as well. Just make sure to show him you love him back.

Vil Schoenheit

Always treats you like royalty. He personally goes to get you whatever you want, medicines, food, anything.

Has a night where he sits you down and just doesn’t let you move around or exert yourself, just lightly massages you with fragrant oils to release any tension you have in your body, and hopefully release some of your back and joint pain temporarily. Washes your hair with only the best stuff, gives you a facial, anything for you. Not to make you more beautiful (although its not like his treatment makes you uglier) but he does it to pamper you and show his affection through giving you attention like this, sharing his coveted beauty products and only focusing on you.

Lets you get as much beauty sleep as you need, yes, even if it’s during class. If you’re sleepy and your head starts to drop he will give a horrendous death glare to anyone who even looks like they want to disturb you. And yes, he’s usually incredibly strict about paying attention in class and excelling academically, but you’re a special case to him. He wants to spoil you.

Always is the one to volunteer to help you out of PE class (or any class) when you need to stop from exhaustion or pain. He’ll sit with you, far away from everyone else, and let you do what you want to do instead. You wanna take a break and eat? Sure. You wanna go back to the dorm for a bit and sleep? Of course. It’s whatever you want.

Vil doesn’t express the extent of his love for you through his words, rather his actions. He’d much rather show you how much he cares, instead of using words that hold no meaning without acts of love to prove it. It means more to him, and words are so limited anyway. So even if he’s not telling you every day outright that he loves you, just make sure you notice how he shows he loves you in everything he does.