#source: class of ‘09

[tokyoafterschoolsimps]

[incorrect-tmnt2012-quotes]

Leo: I believe the best course of action is writing a formal apology letter. Raph: Fuck that shit. Do you even know how I got involved with that bitch? Leo: Language! Raph: Do you even know how I got involved with that ho? Leo: …A little better.

[incorrectly-quoting-mxtx]

Wei Wuxian: Why can’t we use MySpace?

Nie Huaisang: It’s not an educational website.

Wei Wuxian: I learned how to break into a car on MySpace. How is that not educational?

[horror-lady00]

Wednesday: You brought the supplies?

Enid: Yeah! Here's everything we need to... YOU BROUGHT ME HERE TO COOK POISON!?

Wednesday: Yes. What else is baking soda for?

Enid: I don't know!? BAKING!!?

[incorrect-losers]

Bev: I’m a whore for the cheesy biscuits

Stan: You say you’re a whore for everything

Bev: Oh yeah? Like what?

Stan: Bottled water, massages, internet, Burt’s Bees, Wendy’s french fries, percocet, American Spirits, Blink 182…

Bev: We need to hang out less

[sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes]

Virgil: ...is this what cam girls feel like?

Remus: I feel like cam girls do a liiiitle more then we did

Virgil: well at least they get paid, we had to flirt with that weirdo for free!

Remus: No, we lost a bet, that's not free, it's just hoeing for a bono

Virgil: why would you even put up flirting with Wrath in the first place?

Remus: oh, so you thought he could steal that hotdog roller?

Virgil: NO- IT'S JUST- ugh, that whole video we recorded yesterday- "oh Wrath your villain introduction was so cool-" ew!

Remus: that wasn't even the worst part, the everyone had to watch us do that!

Virgil: plus he probably won't leave me alone for like a month now, he's gonna go home to his video games and make create-a-characters of us.

Remus: yeah he'll kill us in Grand Theft Auto

Virgil: you can make characters in Grand Theft Auto?

Remus: do I look like a bitch who would know?

Virgil: whatever, God I need a Xanax- wait where'd I put i- BITCH THAT WAS MY LAST XAN, HOW'D YOU TAKE THAT?!

Remus: quick hands. Man tiddy and Xanax, what a combo!

Virgil: goes together like peanut butter and Percocet...

Remus: "this is true"

Virgil: oh yeah, he kept doing that! "This is true"

Remus: like he's too good to say "yeah" he has to be a scientist about it

Virgil: heh- and- and what about "ummm okaaay?"

Remus: I HATE it when they do that! Like they have to sound like the gay comic relief cat in every Disney movie

Virgil: "this is true"

Remus: "this is true!"

Virgil: "yes in fact!"

Remus: "quite in interesting outfit!"

Virgil: "stop screaming we're having sex!"

Janus: what are you doing?

V + R: UH-

Janus: sounds like you had a run-in with Wrath

Virgil: what the fuck do you wa- oh he has McDonald's- Janus where'd you get McDonald's?!

Janus: ...McDonald's?

Virgil: bitch gimme a fry!

Janus: IS THAT HOW YOU ASK?!

Virgil: BITCH PLEASE GIVE ME A FRY!

Remus: and yeah we saw Wrath

Janus: me too, I could tell. He was drawing pictures of you guys when I saw him!

Virgil, mouth full: no way

Remus: what were we doing in the pictures?

Janus: like... Being cute, making kissy faces with hearts around it...

Virgil: Remus, we're gonna get murdered! We're gonna get murdered by a guy who can't even tie his fucking shoes!

Remus: well at least he can't torture us, can't tie a rope either

Janus: yeah, but I ripped them up and threw them in the trash, told that hoe to watch it.

Remus: you're the best, Janus

Janus: I know. Okay, I'm gonna go flirt with Patton, see you guys later

Remus: ...he's like the honest bitch ever

Virgil: eugh, I guess... ...

Virgil: ... ...What's gayer, dating a guy or wanting your sworn enemy to have sex with your dead body?

Remus: hmmm... Dating a guy? The second's kinda like using a fleshlight I guess

Virgil: okay... Still could be gayer...

Remus: what were we talking about... Oh yeah, so what are we doing for this next Sanders Asides?

Virgil: it's the movie casting thing right?

Remus: yeah- yeah, so I was thinking-

*BANG*

Virgil: WH-

Remus: I think the AC exploded again

Virgil: god that scared me- okay, sorry, continue

Remus: the challenge should be a cast of bald guys who DON'T look like they say the n-word

Virgil: how is that a challenge?

Remus: name one.

Virgil: Vin Diese- no, wait... Bruce Willi- wow, this is challenging!

*BANG* *BANG*

Virgil: damn, that's alot of AC units...

*buzz*

Virgil: oh wait, that's my phone... Huh, I just got a voice message from Logan.

Logan: hello Virgil, I'm just calling to inform you that the mindscape's on emergency lockdown. Please follow procedures at this time.

Remus: what the fuck was that about?

*BANG* *BANG* *SCREAMING*

Remus: is that...

Virgil, standing up, voice doubling: Wrath's snapped, we gotta get out of here!

Remus: huh...

Virgil: what are you doing?! Let's go!

Remus: we flirted with him yesterday, we're the last people he'd kill, just chill out.

Virgil: THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, YOU TOOK MY LAST XANAX! *runs off*

Remus:

*BANG*

Remus:

*BANG*

Virgil: *slowly sits back down*

Remus: I thought you were running for it?

Virgil: security locked the doors...

*BANG*

Virgil: oh my God-

Remus: damn that was a big one!

Wrath in the distance: "TOOK TOO LONG TO APPEAR" YOU SAY?! WERE THE BACKGROUND HINTS AND GLOWING EYES NOT ENOUGH?! WHO ELSE WANTS SOME, HUH?! HUH?!

Virgil: ...is this how the series ends?

[madamefeu]

Myung-Gi: So you guys are in debt just like me?

Thanos: We are nothing like you.

Myung-Gi: Why not?

Nam-Gyu: Because while you’re cosying up to the pregnant lady, we’re gonna get fucked up on molly and make out

[sunnyskies281]

Phoenix: No offense Atmey, but you’re like… not pretty enough to be famous I don’t know why you’re a detective

Atmey: Fame isn’t about looks! It’s about talent and creativity!

Maya: when was the last time you saw an ugly celebrity?

Atmey: stop calling me ugly!

Maya: no I’m not calling you ugly

Phoenix: I am

[incorrect-star-allies]

Dedede, to the Squeak Squad: What’re you guys doing here?!

Daroach: Nothing technically illegal.

[vaggietheangel]

Alastor:*sticks out his leg to trip Baxter*

Baxter:SHIT OW. MY LEG.

Angel:Nice spongebob impression.

Baxter:No I think my leg is actually broken!

Angel:Nice spongebob impression.

[coffeeandjuice]

Peter: YOU BROUGHT ME HERE TO COOK CRACK???

Wade: Yeah? What else is baking soda for?

Peter: I DONT KNOW, BAKING?

[incorrectly-quoting-murderdrones]

Uzi: Bitch give me a fry.

V: Uh, how do we ask?

Uzi: Bitch, please give me a fry.

[incorrect-tmnt2012-quotes]

Mikey: I'm a whore for pizza. Mondo Gecko: You say you're a whore for everything. Mikey: Oh yeah, like what? Mondo Gecko: Bottled water, massages, internet, Burt's Bees, McDonald's french fries, Percocet, American Spirits, Blink-182... Mikey: We need to hang out less.

[incorrectly-quoting-mxtx]

Mu Qing: Bitch, give me a fry.

Feng Xin: Uh, how do we ask?

Mu Qing: Bitch, please give me a fry.

[ribbonsfallaway]

ROBBY: And get this, his suicide note was stuck to the fridge with a Cookie Monster magnet. All he wrote on it “Robby’s fault.” I’m Robby by the way, hi! What the fuck did I do to him?!?!

[mysteriousdoll]

Codotverse Incorrect Jokes the second

I can’t help it, @voiceboss has infected my brain, he’s all I hear. (But fr tho no other Riddler voice sounds right, he’s objectively the right one-)

Jon: Just tell us what yer doin’ so you can go ram your head through someone else’s house!

Edward: He is being an idiot, Jonathan. Kind of like yourself just for asking what Alastor is doing.

Jon: Every time I fight, it just gets worse. This has got to run its course, Ed!

Alastor: ANYWAYS. The plan is to create a tune so loud that I explode!

Edward: Bravo, Alastor. That was stupider than I thought it was going to be.

Jon: Whaddya mean? Like a sonic boom? You can’t achieve that because attempting it alone would rupture your vocal cords.

Jervis: It sounds like you should get a new ambition, Alastor.

Alastor: No, I don’t want a new ambition, I like this one!

Edward: Just let him kill himself, Jervis!

Jon: He can’t even kill himself that way, he would need, at least, 17,000 kilojoules of theoretical energy to even maintain that note.

Alastor: So you’re saying it can be done?

Jon: No.

Alastor: Those are my favorite odds!

-

Alastor: Just go! I’m worthless! Leave my house and never come back!

Jon: No!

Edward: What do you mean no?! What’d you do that for?!

Jon: …I dunno- he told me what to do! He’s not the boss!

-

Edward: Jonathan, will you tell Joker to shut up?

Jon: Shut the fuck up, Joker, you’re a fucking asshole.

-

Jon: Is that where you’re gonna sit?

Edward: I’m driving, where else would I sit?

Jon: Trunk.

-

Jon: I… think I may have found a project of Oz’ I can get behind doing. Helping these cats and dogs. They should be rewarded for not being people.

Jon, softly, to a dog: I hate people.

-

Jon: Would you shut up for a second??

Edward: Would you get an education for a second?

Jon: Shut up! I’m tryna listen-

Edward: To what? All I hear is your horrendous mouth breathing.

-

Edward: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Harvey: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Jervis: I got distracted about halfway through.

Alastor: I got too lost in your eyes to hear what you said.

Jon: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

-

Edward: Oopsie, did you decide you wanted some??

Jon: Did you decide you wanted to shut the fuck up?

-

Jon: Look I’m tryna be fuckin’ nice here.

Edward: You know I don’t like spicy food!

-

Jervis: If you were to vacuum jello through a metal tube… well, I think that would be a neat noise.

Edward: I beg to differ.

Jervis: Then beg.

-

Jervis: You two don’t understand! My Alice and I are meant to be! We’re designated basherts!

Jon: Didju drink a thesaurus this morning? I don’t know what you’re saying…

Edward: Not that we don’t support your little dreams and all, but you’re really annoying us, so we’re gonna go ahead and hit you.

-

Waylon: What’re you hosing there, Jonny?

Jon: Jervis won’t leave so I’m spraying him with dirty brown water.

-

Edward: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Jon: (takes it, drinking all of it)

Jon: It’s perfume.

-

Edward: And I was like racking my brain on how someone like this could even exist— and then I found out, he’s from Metropolis.

-

Waylon: Don’t feel bad. You were just tryna do somethin’ nice for a friend, and it exploded in your face. Rather spectacularly.

Edward: Everything I do is spectacular. It’s a curse.